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‘It’s a 6!’
‘No it’s a 9’
‘SIX’
‘NINE’
The voices of the two guards echoed through the mostly empty docks of some small island under the control of that crazy British lady with a crown. The guards had been placed at the docks to look out for any sign of pirates and to check boats for smugglers and again for pirates. The only problem is no one seemed to dock here as everyone preferred the much nicer and livelier docks of the north end. This meant the guards were stuck on what to do and were now arguing what number a card they had found was, failing to realise that them being stood on opposite sides meant the card was both.
As they were arguing, a creaking and the sloshing of water cut through the air causing them both to look towards the water. There was a rather cheap looking boat moving slowly towards the shore. Its sails were not up which meant it was moving incredibly slowly. The guards watched it for about 10 minutes before it finally reached the shore and gently crashed into the many other boats, big and small, that sat in the docks. A quick glance and you could instantly tell that the boat was empty. The guards looked at each other with confusion and slight fear.
‘You don’t think that’s a…’ the one with a moustache started before lowering his voice to a whisper ‘ghost boat?’
‘No way’ the other, whose nose was bright red, said in an unconvincing tone. ‘They don’t exist. Right?’
The two stood staring at the boat and occasionally looking towards each other and around the area to see if any other guards were nearby. They were not.
‘Shouldn’t we check it. For pirates and stuff’ one guard said
‘Oh yeah yeah’ the other replied.
They both stood still. Eventually the one with a red nose cleared his throat and yelled out towards the boat. ‘Are there any pirates aboard?’
‘N-no’ came a reply. The guards sighed and looked happy with themselves.
‘See, we checked. Now let’s go take a lunch break.’
‘Didn’t we do that earlier?’
‘No, that was brunch. This is lunch’
‘Makes sense’
Then they both walked off somewhere unknown that isn’t important to the plot at all.
It’s worth mentioning that the voice the guards heard did in fact belong to a pirate. A most unique pirate called the pirate captain, who had fallen asleep out at sea and been woken when his ship bumped into every other ship in the dock. The pirate peeked his head around the door to his cabin but saw so souls out on the dock and this concluded it was safe to head out.
‘By golly, we’ve docked. Nice work cabin boy’ the captain said to a fish that was wearing pirate clothes for some reason. ‘Now we must scout the area for treasure and maybe some more beard lotion’
The pirate captain grabbed a piece of spare wood he had from his adventure with a carpenter and positioned it so he could walk across it over to the deck. He then turned around in a most dramatic fashion.
‘Now I want you to keep an eye on the ship ok cabin boy’ he said again to the fish who probably couldn’t understand a word he had ever said. ‘And don’t let polly eat all my biscuits again’
Polly was the name of the captain’s parrot who was rather big boned. The fish and Polly were the only crew the captain really had but they were a great crew (or so he told himself). The pirate captain had gathered a crew in the past but unfortunately 2 were eaten by sharks, one married a mermaid (the captain cried at their wedding), one fell into the sea and just sank and another he had left in the duty free on another small island. He should really go back for the lad but he had no clue how to navigate the sea. He just went places and stole things.
‘Onwards. Yarrrr’ the captain said stepping one foot onto the wooden plank and immediately regretting it as the plank snapped in half and the pirate fell into the water below.
Somewhere nearby, a bunch of children (of ages roughly 7 to 15) were playing with paper boats on the dock. They were on the area below the main town area where the ground was at sea level and they could easily jump into the water and get eaten by something their mothers told them stories about. The children were all playing in a group and laughing idiotically like children often did. Nearby but not too close was a much older but still young looking individual around 19 years of age. He has was his arms wrapped around his legs looking rather miserable yet stylish for he was wearing a luxurious red scarf that everyone always noticed first about him.
‘Mine’s better that yours’
‘No way, mine has a feather on it’
‘We mine is taller’
As the children bickered a hand suddenly appeared from below the water and grasped onto the shore. The children all started screaming and running in all kinds of directions expect for the one with a scarf who only jumped at the sudden screaming.
‘SEA MONSTER’
‘ITS GOING TO EAT US’
‘KILL IT’
Some children then started throwing pebbles at the hand as another emerged and then the head of a rather annoyed looking pirate captain. This did not stop the children yelling however.
‘AH A MIDDLE AGED MAN’ cried the children
‘Middle aged?!’ The pirate said rather offended.
‘RUNNN’ the children yelled as they all ran back up the steps and towards the seaside town. The pirate captain pulled himself fully onto the shore yelled back after the children something about him being young and handsome.
‘AND IM 22 YOU BLASTED BARNACLES’ he yelled after them. ‘Children these days. No respect for pirates’
‘No respect for anyone more like’ a quiet voice mumbled nearby causing him to do a dramatic spin around to looked at them. The voice belonged to the kid who was sitting on their own away from the rest. Truthfully he was more an adult than a kid but many people in the area still saw him as young and stupid. The pirate captain however did not see him as this and thought him a most respectable scarf wearing man. The first thing he did was
stare at the hoop earring the man had and wish he had the confidence to get one himself. The 19 year old felt the pirate looking at him and glanced over before trying to hide his face in the scarf he was wearing like he did whenever someone asked why he didn’t have a girlfriend.
‘Do you know these children then, man with a scarf?’ Asked the pirate captain randomly.
‘Man?!’ The scarf wearer said surprised as he was used to being called ‘boy’ or ‘you there’ or Johnathon by that one person who thought his name was Johnathon for some reason.
‘You are a man. Are you not?’ The pirate asked suddenly sounding very unsure.
‘Well yes but-‘
‘Good good. I like men. Not that I ya know like like then I just meant it’s cool if you happen to be male. Lots of people are men these days and they kiss too. Not that I’d kiss a man or you but I did kiss a fish when I was younger. They were cold and slimy but that’s not important right now.’ The captain blabbed on loosing track of his words. The man with a scarf just looked at him rather confused. ‘Now where was I. Oh yes, do you know these children?’
‘Uh yes?’
‘Good. Where do they congregate?’
‘What?’
‘Where is there base of operations?’
‘Yes I know what congregate means but why would you want to know that. I don’t think you could just go and beat up a bunch of children.’
‘Blast. I guess I’ll have to find treasure elsewhere’
‘Treasure?’ The scarf wearer said questioningly before looking him up and down and taking a deep breath in. ‘You’re a pirate’
‘Whaaaaat, noooo. No way- you think I’m- honestly I- yes I’m a pirate’ the captain said suddenly falling to his knees and grabbing the other man by his jacket and shaking him. ‘Please don’t tell England on me. I have so much pirating to live for. You’re killing me. I’ll haunt you if you do. Please I’m only 22 and 5/9. Arrrrrr’
‘Stop shaking me’ the man said in the kind of annoyed way only a British person can sound like.
‘Sorry.’ The captain said letting go of the man who almost fell into the water nearby. ‘Well if I can’t threaten you into keeping quiet then you leave me with only one option’
The scarf wearer gulped as the pirate captain stood back up and towered over them. ‘This is really how I’m going to die. A pirate is going to kill me’ the man said to himself mentally as he waited for the pirate captain to pull out a cutlass or some other piratey weapon. Instead the bearded man scooped up the other man, carrying him over his shoulder.
‘Aha, treasure acquired…sort of. Now to return to my ship.’ The pirate said walking off in the direction of the pier before stopping and turning around. ‘No no. First beard cream. And maybe I’ll find a nice ham too’ he said now walking towards the town area as the person over his shoulder tried to process what was happening.
‘Let me go!’
‘Ow, stop hitting me would you. It hurts more than you think’
‘Put. Me. Down’
The people in the small town centre of the East dock area all turned their heads towards the strangely dressed fellow who had just appeared from around a corner carrying that orphan who was always wearing a scarf. The scarfed individual was hitting the back of his capture as he carried him through the streets. The captain carried on regardless and started looking at some market stalls.
‘I say, is that a real shark’s tooth or just a replica?’ The captain asked to a stall owner ignoring the struggling man in his arms.
‘HELP! I’m being kidnapped by a pirate’
‘Hush you’ the captain said towards the man in his arms. ‘Kids am I right?’ He said to the scared looking store owner who just silently nodded.
‘I’m 19 you curly bearded ba-‘ the man with a scarf was cut off as the pirate captain suddenly hooked him onto a stray hook that was likely used for something to do with fish. The scarf wearer struggled but couldn’t get loose.
‘You wait here. I’ll be back’ said the pirate who then walked back to the stall.
After an hour or so of dangling from a hook, the man with a scarf had come to a few realisations. One, no one cared enough about him to stop him being kidnapped. Two, kids found someone hanging from a hook via their jacket rather funny. And three, he honestly couldn’t care less about being kidnapped anymore. It’s not like he was doing but on this tiny island anyways. He occasionally helped out on various boats that came by, some even navy ships, but beyond that he had no job, no friends and no family. It would be sad if he actually cared more about how sad it was. Truthfully he was more bored than anything.
When the pirate captain came back he didn’t even struggle and just let the man pick him off the hook and position him over his shoulder.
‘I got you a gift’ the pirate said reaching back to give the man a small metal object.
‘A harmonica?’
‘So that’s what that’s called, funny name. It reminded me of you’
‘How so?’
The pirate captain stopped walking to think about this question before responding ‘I don’t know’ and just walking on in silence.
‘Right. Well nice to know you were thinking of me I guess’
‘In a non romantic way’ the captain said rather quickly.
‘Isn’t that a given’ the scarf wearer asked but received no reply.
‘I think I’m lost’ the pirate captain said looking around. The man with a scarf sighed deeply. Just his luck to be kidnapped by the most charmingly stupid pirate among the 7 seas.
Back at the dock the two guards from before were now watching as the ‘ghost ship’ was now going back out towards the sea just as slowly as before. There was still no sign of any passengers and they still convinced it was a ghost ship.
‘Are we hallucinating that?’
‘I’m not sure.’
As the stared at the ship a man with a luxurious beard walked round the corner and gasped very dramatically at his ship leaving.
‘OI get back here’ he yelled at the non sentient wooden boat. ‘You blasted fish I told you not to leave! Or did I?’ He stopped to consider if he’d told the fish to anchor the boat before he felt a light tapping on his shoulder.
‘Your boat’s leaving’ the person on his shoulder said calmly. His patience with the man was growing after he’d just tried to direct him in the direction of the docks while still being flung over the pirate’s shoulder.
‘Oh right’ the captain said before running full pelt after the boat until he reached the end of the dock to which the then jumped towards his boat and only just made it onto the boat before slipping on the wet wood. The two men then tumbled to the floor, on top of each other, as the fish dressed as a pirate made his appearance by somehow walking onto deck.
‘If you weren’t already the lowest ranked, I’d demote you’ the pirate captain said to the fish pushing a soft scarf out of his face and instantly letting himself get distracted by it. ‘Ooh that’s a nice fabric. What is that, spider silk? Mermaid hair? Seaweed strand?’
‘Huh, oh uh I’m not sure. Probably cotton or something common. I’ve never really checked.’ The main said pushing himself off the pirate and looking around the ship he had found himself on. The ship was fairly worn and had obviously not been cleaned or scrubbed in a good few weeks. ‘Good lord is this how all you pirates keep your ships’
‘What’s wrong with it?’ The pirate captain asked slightly offended as he pushed himself off the wet flooring.
‘It’s a state. The deck is hardly scrubbed, the wood hasn’t been taken care off and the sails are ripped’
‘Oh yeah and what would you know about ship conditions. You’re like uhh a kid or something’ the pirate argued in the way a young child with sass would if you told them Santa wasn’t real.
‘19 actually and I do know about ship conditions because I’ve worked on some and yours is not taken care of properly. Don’t you have a crew of something if you really are a pirate?’
‘Well yes but actually no. They all had better things to do’
‘Like what may I ask?’
‘Getting eaten by sharks’
The scarf wearing man laughed suddenly as the pirate captain just looked at him with a hint of confusion and a hint of pride. His laugh was slightly contagious and soon enough the pirate captain felt himself smiling and giving a slight chuckle too.
‘You are a ridiculous man you know and there’s no way you’d be able to take of this ship on your own.’ The pirate captain looked as if he was going to say something against this and then stopped knowing it was true. ‘Luckily you have me’
‘You’re staying’ the captain said excitedly.
‘Mate you kidnapped me. Where else would I go’
‘Ah, right.’ The pirate said awkwardly, twirling the ends of his curly pirate beard.
‘But I can’t so you’re stuck with me.’ The man then pointed his finger at the pirate and said a singular ‘ha’. The captain couldn’t help but smile at this. The man was already starting to match his weirdness a bit.
‘Welcome to the crew pirate with a scarf’ the captain said pulling him into a hug much to the newly labelled pirate’s shock.
‘Thanks uh captain. What is your name anyways, you never said’
‘Well pirate with a scarf they usually call me, the pirate captain’
The scarf wearing pirate just stared at the captain for a minute with an unreal dog expression. ‘Right. Of course they do.’ There was then a slightly awkward silence before they both heard a sudden splash and ran towards the edge where the fish in clothes was bobbing in the water over the side of the boat.
‘Blasted barnacles, we’ve got to get him out. He can’t swim’
‘He’s a fish’
‘Yes and he’s drowning. We’ve got to help him’ the pirate captain said running to get some rope. The pirate with a scarf just stood for a few seconds before shaking his head and laughing slightly.
‘What have I gotten myself into’