Archive of Our Own ^beta

[Beep]

CALLER: [Putting on a raspy, clearly fake, voice] Hello there! I, uh…look, I am a very famous, very influential person whose name shall not to be mentioned, though it is much beloved. However, the last few years…My reputation has been dragged through the mud, over and over again and, you know, with Cancel Culture and all I am quite afraid I won’t be able to be as carefree and able to avoid all responsibilities as I used to.

I mean, is it that bad to say or do a few silly things while being inebriated…?

The point I wanted to make is, I deserve the bare minimum of happiness (or even a little bit more, it is not my place to affirm one thing or the other) and, as the important persona that I am, I might still get it in the end, but…the dirty looks are not going away…

…I can pay greatly, I promise. Also, the last years have been, as already stated, rough on me…you could make some sweet surgery on my, couldn’t you? [Suddenly breaks into laughter]

[With THE INTERVIEWER’S VOICE] Honestly, Amelia, I wish we were there to see your face…I know, I know; this wasn’t a very realistic call, those people know they will be able to carry on with their lives in a couple of months tops, but we wanted to see your face, boss. You have been taking care of this for…well, you know, a very round number I won’t mention because I am a polite gentleman.

Now, EVERYBODY!

LITERARY, EVERYBODY ON THE AMELIA PROJECT : [In complete dissonance] HAPPY ANNIVERSARY AMELIA!!!!