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Bruce unwrapped his treasure, licking the pastry flakes off his fingers as he went along.
\I can hear you crinkling the tin foil, Bruce.\
Said man grinned with his crummy pay as you go phone sandwiched between his ear and his shoulder. "Okay, fine. But you have to admit. This pie is amazing."
A chuckle sounded from the other end of the line. \Man. You need some better outlets in your life. Not sure this whole Hulk thing is good for you. There has to be something more to life than being sequestered in some creepy science lab.\
"A: Tony's labs aren't creepy. B: The sex." Bruce pointed out, licking his fingers after plucking a bite from the foil.
\How could I ever forget the disgusting, toe curling, can't look at yo momma in the morning, sex the Avengers have?\
"Don't know."
Another laugh. \I can't believe you're still taking my calls Dr. B. You have the patience of a saint.\
"And you have the pie of the gods."
\You know Thor had nothing to do with that pie.\
Bruce grinned and flopped down on his bed. "You can cook, right?"
\Aw man. You guys didn't say I'd have to be the new guy everyone dumps all the chores on.\ The other line whined.
"No. I was just wondering if having you in the mix meant more takeout. Tony can't cook and Thor occasionally breaks the kitchen."
\How do you live with that? Not saying I can't wait to move in but damn. Thor, Steve, Natasha, Tony F'in Stark!\
"You forgot Clint." Bruce pointed out.
\Damn man. And you're all, you.\
"Still trying to figure out what that means..." Bruce said kicking his legs and fingering the empty foil.
\It means you are always in the genius world. Even in bed. I can't make heads or tails of you. One second you're a normal guy devouring a pie in a sitting then you're like this gamma bot.\
"Define gamma bot."
\You barely blink in bed. You know that? You just stared at me making an idiot of myself. No help. No nothing.\
"Pretty sure we all make idiots of ourselves in bed together."
\Like hell. I lasted like twelve seconds.\
"You lasted seven minutes."
\See? Gamma bot.\
"Jarvis told me."
\Still. The Avengers are too perfect.\
"Tell me about it."
\And SO modest.\
"I'm not an Avenger."
\What are you then, huh?\
"Team mascot. Live in maid. Miscellaneous sex toy."
\Shut up.\
"What, do you want? I literally slapped myself in the face when I first had sex with Thor. I might have lasted two minutes when I first got my hands on an Avenger. You aren't the only one who lost his mind his first night. The others stopped talking to each other all together when they first started. Thor knows what happened there."
\Does Thor really know or is that just one of your crazy expressions?\
"Both probably."
\Look, man. I came to talk to my momma.\
Bruce smirked. "Go talk to momma."
\I'm serious man. Don't make that face.\
"What?"
\That smug little face, don't make it.\
"Sure. Oh. I almost forgot."
\What is it man?\
"Hulk wants to know when he can meet you."
\Sh-t! Uhhh. Look. Let's talk about THAT later.\
"Of course. I'll see you at home."
A nervous laugh. \Yeah. See you there. This is so like the Twilight Zone.\
Bruce smiled. "I'm still surprised Tony didn't find you first."
\He did sort of make the first move.\
"He always does."
\Love ya babe. Bye.\
"Love you too." It was reflex by now but Bruce felt it becoming more and more true, even without the pie.
\Shit.\
/You did not just cuss at a lady!/
\Not really Ma.\
/Gimme that phone!/
Bruce chuckled and hung up. He didn't want to get anyone in trouble.