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There was pain, at first. Every time he moved his head, it sent sharp spikes down the back of his head, like that time at school when he’d gotten dehydrated enough to be lightheaded. Johnny had had to sit in the nurse’s office for the rest of the day, taking small sips of water and wishing he never had to worry about things like heatstroke again.
He’d gotten his wish, though not for another decade.
The last time Johnny had been in a medical room was at least two years ago. The last time Johnny had undergone medical treatment, period, was probably some months ago.
The thought of that had him flinching away from the cold touch on his hand, though part of him yearned to know if the voices that he could hear, just out of his reach, were real.
Too many times he’d opened his eyes just to find them hallucinations, all figments of his imagination dredging up memories of other times he’d been in their medical wing, his mind’s attempt to comfort him temporarily, masochistically.
Johnny squeezed his eyes shut, and hoped that this time the bugs would fail.
“I don’t know, Reed. I shouldn’t’ve—the look on his face, like he’d trusted me and I let him down—"
“He was going to light the whole greenhouse on fire. You did the only thing you could. He’s safe now.”
“I can’t help but… we saw this coming and we did nothing to—”
“You can’t help someone who refuses to admit there’s a problem.”
“I just hope after this, we can try getting him to see—Ben’s calling”.
Someone was reading to him. It was a quiet voice, not trying too hard to have him hear the words or even be aware that they were reading. Johnny only stirred because it was so out of place from what he was accustomed to, though maybe he stirred because his body was getting tired of him lying around.
He had no idea how long it’d been; surely Reed had better things to do than sit by Johnny’s bed and read to him. Especially when Johnny had almost burned down the greenhouse, with all the kids inside.
The horror of that, the knowledge that surely they – especially Val, who’d been right beside him – was overwhelming. Perhaps Reed was here for Val, reading to her soothing textbooks she liked, trying to comfort her as she suffered from burn wounds.
A loud beeping, steadily increasing, interrupted Reed’s reading. Johnny tried to pry his eyes open, to look around him – surely it was Val, perhaps even one of the Moloids who’d been closer to him…
“Johnny, lad, take a breath for me. You’re in the medical wing. Open your eyes. Come on.”
Johnny was frowning before he’d even unquestioningly followed Reed’s instructions. The world was blurry, all white and colourless save for Reed’s uniform, and the sight of Ben standing at the foot of Johnny’s bed, arms crossed.
“Val?” was the first thing out of his mouth.
Ben’s face softened, and he looked away. Johnny’s stomach sank right down to his toes, until Reed tilted his head. “Val?” he repeated. “She was just here. We sent her to go to bed; we didn’t think you were going to wake until morning at least, with how little you’ve been sleeping lately.”
“She’s okay?” His mouth felt like it was wrapped in cotton and dry to the bone. He coughed a little, trying to generate spit and swallow the dry lump in his throat, when Ben handed him a cup with a straw in it. It looked positively miniscule in his hand. He nodded his thanks, sitting upright and crossing his legs. Coordination was a little difficult, and he ducked his head down so the others wouldn’t see the wince he made when his headache flared up again.
“She’s fine… they all are,” Ben said, voice seeming to be even more gravelly than usual. “Though I think we’re all wondering what the hell happened—”
“Ben, not now—”
Johnny shook his head. “No, Reed, he’s right. I could’ve… I could’ve killed Val. I didn’t…” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t even think of the words to say it. Instead, he said the other thing that’d been working its way through his head these last few days. “I didn’t even consciously think to flame on. And then I couldn’t turn it back off. I don’t think… with the kids here, I don’t think it’s safe for me to be around them. To be here.”
The others were staring at him, like he was out of his mind. Johnny supposed it might’ve been considered strange – he’d always liked having his family around him. Living alone, separate from other people, wasn’t something he was used to. But he couldn’t, not anymore. Not after what had just happened.
Johnny had expected for them to say something, at least. When there was silence, and just exchanged glances between the two of them – glances that Johnny couldn’t decipher because they were Ben and Reed and it was like either of them trying to interpret a glance between Johnny and Sue – he took another tiny sip from the glass and placed it on the little table beside him, and lay back down.
“Going back to sleep now, guys,” he said. “You know how headaches from blacking out are.”
Reed murmured something that sounded like of course. Johnny thought they’d both left – Ben could be quiet when he wanted to be – until he heard the sound of a chair creaking. He peered over his shoulder, and saw Ben settling back at the foot of his bed, a magazine in hand and the lamp next to him turned on.
“He wants to what?”
“Sue… if he wants to, there’s nothing we can do to keep him here against his will—"
“He doesn’t want to – he just thinks it’s safe to! That’s nowhere near the same thing—"
“Hey, you kids pipe down, will ya? The kid’s stirring; he ain’t deaf.“
“Sue, we all know it’s going to take time for him to adjust. I just wish he’d tell us about—"
“You know how he is. He doesn’t… he clams up. I guess we both do. Gah, where does he even want to move out to? Does he know how much rent in this city costs nowadays? Not to mention grocery bills.”
“Mom? Is Uncle Johnny awake yet?”
“He went back to sleep again, sweetie, but he’s going to be fine. He woke up for a little bit in the middle of the night. Are the others up already…?”
“I’ll take care of breakfast. C’mon, Ben, your butt’s been sitting in that chair all night.”
“Only ‘cause I don’t want another fire when you forget that you’re cooking.”
He was never alone, when he woke up. That was a staple in Johnny’s entire Fantastic Four life, but it had also been a staple before then. Sue had always been there, when he’d been sick or hurt or anything in between. Or at least, he’d always gone to bed alone, but she’d been there, either sleeping leaning against his headboard, or in a chair next to his bed.
That had always been a constant in his life. He’d always thought it’d change, that her getting hitched and then having kids would be something that would remove that. But Johnny had been young enough when Reed had entered their lives that he hadn’t really had to picture a future where he wasn’t living with the two of them, and then with Ben, but he’d…
Well. The lovers he’d had ended up living in the Baxter Building with them, if they were serious enough. He hadn’t thought far enough ahead – especially not now, after everything that had happened in the last year – to envision a future where he was dating someone who didn’t want to move into the building.
“I know you’re awake. You’re terrible at lying still.”
“Am not.” Johnny lifted his head, squinting at Sue as bright sunlight hit his eyes from the window. “How many days has it been?”
Sue snorted. “You’re so dramatic. It was just the one night. Hasn’t even been twenty four hours yet.”
“Oh.” Johnny sat up, and when he was offered another cup with water, he felt a wave of déjà vu. “You spoke to Reed and Ben?”
Sue nodded, looking at him a little warily. And then she heaved out a sigh and sat on the side of the bed, body tilted around to face him. “Look, Johnny, if you want to move out, that’s… fine. But if you’re doing it because of the kids—”
“Of course I’m doing it for the kids!” Johnny said incredulously. “Sue, I could’ve burned them alive yesterday. How’re you guys not freaking out more about this? And don’t say some bullshit like ‘Johnny, we trust you’, ‘Johnny, you’d never hurt them’. ‘Cause I remember what it was like, and I couldn’t control a thing about it. Not until it would’ve been too late.”
Sue was silent for a moment. “I just think if you gave that therapist another try—”
Johnny’s snort of derision was enough to tell her what he thought of that. “Look,” he said, at her frown. “I get the benefits of therapy and all that shebang. I just don’t think it’s for me. You gotta want to be in therapy for it to work on you, right?”
“I just think if you won’t talk to us, maybe you’ll talk to someone else. Someone who doesn’t know you.” She didn’t look at him as she spoke, staring out ahead of her. And that was when Johnny looked, really looked, and saw the way Sue’s clothes were just a little too loose, the dark circles under her eyes, the way her hair was unbrushed at the back, and there was no watch on her wrist. She never went anywhere without a watch.
“Hey.” Johnny reached out and took her hand, making her look at him. “It’s only temporary, okay? Just till I sort myself out.” He caught himself before he could say something like it won’t be too big a change; you’ve already been living without me for the better part of a year. Having him around like this was hurting her, too.
Sue looked at him for a moment, and Johnny tried not to fidget under her needle sharp gaze. “Where are you planning to even go? Wyatt’s? That’s—”
And now Johnny tried not to give himself away as he said, “Nah. Too far away for emergencies. I was thinking… Peter’s.”
Sue bit her lip, and for a moment Johnny thought he was about to be lectured on something or another, before realising she was biting back a laugh.
“Hey,” he complained, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling in return. “It’s a serious matter.”
“Of course it is,” Sue told him. She stood up and ruffled his hair. “You up for breakfast?”
“Well,” Johnny said, “since it’s not you cooking, probably.”
She whacked him on the arm, and then that hand turned into a grip to steady him as standing up sent a wave of dizziness through Johnny. She didn’t apologise for strangling out his flame, and him in the process, and Johnny didn’t expect – or want – her to.