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Chapter Text

His back was pressed firmly against the trunk of the tree. Even through the thick layers of his Anbu armor, Kakashi could feel the uncomfortable lump of his sword holster dig into his backside. Yet he made no move to shift into a more comfortable position; he relished the stinging sensation. 

It was the only thing that reminded him that he was human. 

The tip of his sword was jammed into the soft dirt. Bloody fingers curled tightly around the hilt, grip never loosening throughout the entire break. Through the small holes of his porcelain mask, his right eye stared out into the distance. The scenery filled his vision: the silver lining from the puffy clouds, the soft blue of the sky, the yellow of the piercing rays of the sun, the brown of the bark of the trees in the distance. Although he was seeing, Kakashi wasn’t really processing. 

Not when his mind unwillingly morphed those inanimate objects into figures. Figures that represented the ghosts of his past. 

There they were. The three children stood in the front row. Silver and Blue stood on opposite ends, facing away from each other, while Brown was jammed in between them, a wide smile stretched across her face. Yellow stood tall behind them, seemingly radiating enough brightness to wash out the moody atmosphere created by Silver and Blue.

Such a pretty, serene picture didn’t last long. His brief moment of reprieve was over when red splashed all over the image, patches smearing all over the faces of Yellow, Brown, and Blue. Only Silver’s face remained visible, yet he didn’t escape the wreckage unscathed. 

Three splotches of blood in particular jumped out at him. One in the form of a tear stricken bloody trail down his left cheek. The second, as splatters of blood all over his right hand, the sticky, bright red residue extending all the way up to his elbow. The last was simply a stain on his chest, right where the heart was located. 

Having just wrapped up his mission, Kakashi was physically in a worse state than Silver was. Dried, crusty remnants of blood clung to his silver locks. The majority of his gray armor had a tinge of rust, accumulated from the blood shed over many missions, to the point where it couldn’t be washed out anymore. His undershirt and shinobi pants were both black, so it seemed relatively clean. Only he could tell that there was foreign substance that stained it, from the way the long dried fabric scratched uncomfortably against his skin. 

Yet emotionally, Silver’s three spots of blood wounded him more than anything else. 

In an instant, Kakashi jumped onto his feet, already running towards the illusion. In the process, his hand yanked his Anbu issued sword from the ground, already raising his arm to swing the sharp blade through the image. 

He did, expecting the illusion to poof out of existence and restore his drab reality to him. What he hadn’t expected was the sound of a metallic clang to ring out. The noise pierced his eardrums, knocking him out of his reverie. Backflipping a few steps as Kakashi attempted to restore clarity to his mind, he stood warily at a distance. He was hunched forward, ready to lunge at any given moment, with his sword poised in front of him. 

It was Yellow, with a kunai drawn out. This time, Yellow stood protectively in front of his three students, eyes flashing angrily as if daring him to try to bring harm to his students once more. Kakashi returned the anger with equal fervor; how dare they stoop to such a level to try to startle him. 

It didn’t matter. He had become so numb to the fact that such petty tricks hardly affected him anymore. 

Hardly was the key word. Kakashi was not proud of his momentary emotional slip up, but that would be the only opening he would give. It was the only one he could afford. For an enemy shinobi to go to such an extent to research his past, to conjure a spitting image of his former team down to the exact detail of their clothing, the enemy certainly was someone who held a deep grudge against him. 

Kakashi would ask who, but did it really matter anymore? It was the same exact thing every time; it was either them or him. And while Kakashi didn’t really care if he was the one who fell, his final promise to Obito was what kept him going all of these years. He already failed him, twice. 

He couldn’t fail him a third time. 

With that resolve spurring him on, Kakashi lunged at Yellow. Blade swinging in the air, lightning chakra coated the length of the metallic surface. The sword and kunai clashed together once more, but this time, Kakashi didn’t hesitate to make a second strike. His left foot swung out, his back calf reaching to knock Yellow off balance. Yellow’s reflexes were as quick as his own, his footwork dancing just out of Kakashi’s range. 

“Wait, I’m not your enemy!” Yellow cried. 

Kakashi snorted. “That’s what they always say.” And then he spun on the heel of his foot, wielding the flat end of his blade to block the incoming shurikens that Blue had thrown. As gravity took hold, the shurikens embedded themselves into the ground. In one fluid movement, the tip of his blade nicked through the middle hole of the shuriken, hoisting it up in the air and flinging the shurikens back at Blue. His blade’s trajectory halted when the sharp edge grated against both of Silver’s kunais. 

Facing his superior strength, Silver’s arms quivered. Yet before Kakashi could put the final force needed to incapacitate Silver, his senses flared as a menacing chakra signature came flying towards him from behind. Releasing the pressure on Silver’s kunai, Kakashi squatted to dodge Yellow’s kunai swipe. Before Silver could react, Kakashi had already slipped behind him and shoved him right in Yellow’s trajectory. 

Right in the path where Yellow had a condensed ball of blue chakra in his hands. Kakashi’s breath hitched. That jutsu...it couldn’t have been the real thing, right? 

Even distracted, Kakashi felt Blue coming up at him from behind. Lightly sidestepping the young boy, he allowed Blue’s momentum to sail past him when his attack met air. Grabbing him by the back of the collar and getting an eyeful of the Uchiha crest displayed proudly on his backside, he yanked him towards him. Drawing a kunai from his holster, he pressed the cold metal against Blue’s throat. 

Blue gulped and immediately stopped squirming. Brown let out a sharp gasp, getting Yellow and Silver’s attention, both of them still recovering from their narrow collision with Yellow’s deadly jutsu. 

“Let him go,” Yellow demanded, with a hard edge in his voice. “Leave the children out of this.” 

“Children?” Kakashi scoffed. “The moment that they picked up a kunai and tried to attack me with it, they became my enemy. And I’m sure that you know as well as I do that someone has to die today. If not me, then you.” 

The sharp edge dug deeper into Blue’s throat, enough to draw a trickle of blood. “Although before I kill you, I’m curious to know who you are and why you’re impersonating Konoha nins.” 

“Gah!” It was Blue who screamed out. “We’re not impersonating anyone! I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you must have gone insane.” 

“He’s right,” Yellow affirmed, choosing his words carefully to not give away Blue’s real name. “We mean no harm. I recognize your mask as one of the Hokage’s Anbu members. Our loyalties both belong to Konoha. If you could just–” Yellow emitted a strangled noise from the back of his throat as his hand gestured in Blue’s general direction. “–put down that kunai, so we can talk.” 

What a ludicrous suggestion that came out of Yellow’s mouth. Kakashi was appalled that he even had the decency to suggest it. 

“And give up my only leverage? I’m not stupid.” 

“Then how about we switch? I’ll take his place…” 

Kakashi shook his head, not even wanting to bother to hear out the rest of his sentence. “Again, I’m not stupid. You’re the strongest of the team. Even held in a hostage position, I’m certain you know at least five different ways of escaping.” 

“Fine, then let’s talk. Who exactly do you think we’re impersonating?” First, it had been the stupid suggestions, now it turned into a subtle form of interrogation. Except, such low level tricks hardly worked on him. 

Kakashi turned the tables on him. “You tell me who you are. Like hell you’re getting any information from me.” 

Anger flashed briefly in Yellow’s blue eyes, but one glance at Blue’s current predicament, he knew that he had no choice but to concede in this matter. “My name is Minato Namikaze, jonin of Konoha. I’m sure that you’ve heard of me.” 

Kakashi showed no outward indication of recognition, yet on the inside, he was raging with turmoil. It was exactly as he expected, only he didn’t think that hearing it confirmed out loud would affect him quite like this. 

“And the others?” 

“Their identities aren’t important,” Yellow told him. “I’m the most recognizable name out of all of us.” 

His explanation was promptly ignored. “And the others?” This time, Kakashi delivered the demand with a harsher edge, indicating that there was no room for discussion. Yellow must have sensed it too, so he unwillingly conceded. 

“Rin Nohara.” Brown. “Obito Uchiha.” Blue. “Kakashi Hatake.” Silver. With every name, sharp pain blossomed through his chest. His heart squeezed uncomfortably. Every muscle in his body went rigid. Barely noticeable, his hand, the one that was holding the kunai, shook. 

“You’re not them. You can’t possibly be them.” 

Brown tilted her head, confusion etched across her features. It didn’t look like she was faking it, but who knew? Appearing in front of him as his late team was already an underhanded tactic, Kakashi didn’t rule out the enemy going even further. 

How unfortunate that his emotions were locked in a small casket in his heart, behind so many locks that they were all tangled together. 

“We aren’t impersonating anyone, Anbu san,” Minato interjected in a diplomatic voice. “I don’t know why you think that, but we really are who we say we are.” 

“Then prove it.” Kakashi nodded towards Silver. “You. Summon the pack.” 

Silver sputtered. “What? How did you even know–” Yellow clamped a hand on Silver’s shoulder, motioning him to do as was instructed. Unwilling, Silver crouched down and went through the summoning sequence at a slow rate – almost as slow as Kakashi had been at that age, he couldn’t help but think – before he slammed his palms against the ground. 

When the smoke finally cleared away, eight ninken stood proudly in their formation albeit a bit smaller than Kakashi was used to. There was no doubt about it, it was certainly his ninken. The same dogs that he raised and trained since he was a young child, since they were puppies. The ninkens clearly recognized him too, even if he was in a different form than they expected, but none of them made a move to approach. 

It seemed that his dark aura was too much for them. Rather than approaching him, the eight of them spread out, forming a protective circle around Silver. Exactly just like they were trained to. Only the irony lay in the fact that they were protecting Silver...from himself. 

Kakashi lowered the kunai from Blue’s throat. Without warning, he shoved the boy in Yellow’s direction. Brown was the one who stepped forward to catch Blue as he stumbled. Kakashi turned, moments away from teleporting out of the clearing, teleporting far, far away from them, teleporting to leave his past behind when Yellow’s voice made him freeze. 

“Kakashi?” Yellow could have been addressing Silver, but his instincts told him that he wasn’t. 

Kakashi didn’t turn around. If he did, he knew he would break. 

“Kakashi?” Yellow tried again. “Are you Kakashi?” 

Again, his calls were met with silence. Kakashi tilted his head backwards to curb the tears that threatened to spill underneath his mask. His fist tightened, nails digging painfully into the palm of his hands. 

Why was the world so cruel to him? Had he not already suffered enough? 

“How have you been?” 

And suddenly, it became all too much. His flight instinct kicked in, hard. Within a matter of seconds, Kakashi found himself draining the last bit of chakra to teleport out of the clearing. HIs chakra levels could only afford to take him about ten meters away from that clearing, but any distance was better than none. 

It had been too suffocating. Even ten meters away, Kakashi still felt like he couldn’t breathe. There was a hand squeezing his lungs, clawing at his heart and twisting his insides apart. 

Everything hurt. It was too much for him to bear. For him to hear his sensei’s voice again, to hear the kindness, the caring, the concern and asking him how he had been like he had just seen him yesterday.

Like he hadn’t been dead for three years.

Chapter Text

For a shinobi renowned for his speed, ten meters was absolutely nothing. Ten meters was the kind of distance that his late sensei could cover in less than a millisecond. Despite knowing that, Kakashi still couldn’t help but flinch when he felt a familiar spike of chakra appear right next to him. 

At the same moment Kakashi felt a firm hand planted on his shoulder, the tip of his kunai was pointing at Minato’s throat, pricking the first layer of skin. Despite the gravity of their current predicament, Minato still found the energy to muster a small smile. 

“I’m not your enemy.” 

That may have been the truth, but as far as Kakashi was concerned, he was the enemy. A mere inkling of his presence was more than enough for the onslaught of nightmares to wash over him again like a tidal wave, suffocating him, forcing him back to the darkest places in his mind, shackling him to the demons he fought so hard against. A fierce battle that lasted three years, only for Kakashi to emerge as a temporary victor. And just feeling his sensei’s warm and sunny chakra signature prickling his senses was more than enough for all of his carefully erected walls to crumble to dust. 

So as far as Kakashi was concerned, Minato was helping the enemy. 

His inner demons. 

Kakashi visibly bristled before he took a violent step back, brushing off Minato’s hand in the process. His grip on the handle of the kunai tightened, yet even that wasn’t enough to disguise the trembling of his hand. 

Minato held out both of his hands in a manner that called for truce. 

“We need your help,” Minato began, and as if right on cue, the other three members of his party emerged into the clearing with the grace of a stampede of elephants. Most of the noise came from Obito, who was still at the age where “subtly” had yet to have been added to his vocabulary. Rin’s footsteps were much lighter and careful, yet to an Anbu’s trained ears, it was still obnoxiously loud. As for his younger self…Kakashi preferred to not think about him at all. If possible, he would rather divert his attention to his three dead teammates…even if it felt like a knife was lodged in his heart every time. 

Thinking about himself, about how his arrogance knew no bounds, about how much of an ungrateful brat he was, about how much of a failure he was felt much worse than driving a knife into his heart. No, it felt like someone was ripping his entire heart out of his chest. 

If he even had a heart. 

Minato took his silence as his cue to continue. In reality, his silence was simply because his mind was still reeling from the sight before him and the words that used to flow so freely from his lips when he spoke to their graves were currently jammed in his throat. 

“I’m not sure where we are,” Minato began hesitantly, as if he was scared that Kakashi was going to pull another disappearing act again. Kakashi wanted nothing more than to be able to pull said disappearing act; however, his dangerously low chakra levels wouldn’t allow it. “I’m guessing that we are in the future. Can you confirm that for us?” 

“The future?” came Obito’s incredulous cry, which was immediately shushed by Rin and accompanied by an unimpressed eye roll from his younger self. If any doubts still lingered on the authenticity of their identities, that interaction chased the doubts away. For the three years that they were a complete team, that was the epitome of their team dynamic. 

“The future?” Kakashi murmured, still finding it difficult to find his voice. Judging from the confused look that morphed on Minato’s face, his words had been incomprehensible. Kakashi didn’t bother to rectify that either; more concerning matters were at the forefront of his mind. He jabbed a finger at younger Kakashi’s direction. “How long until he takes the jonin exams?” 

Minato’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “One month, why?” 

One month. One month. One month. Only one month until the cursed Kannabi Bridge mission. Only one more month until everything went so horribly wrong–

And Kakashi had the power to stop it. 

For the first time, the implication of his former team’s predicament settled in. His head snapped back towards his team so quickly that an audible crack sounded. Despite the bloodied mask covering his face, the intensity of his stare was enough for Minato to shift his stance slightly so that he was partially shielding the children from him. 

Protecting his most cherished people from himself. 

Protecting the only people he would exchange his life for theirs from himself. 

Kakashi couldn’t fault his sensei though. He was the reason why they were all dead in the first place. 

“What’s significant about one month?” 

Instinctively, Kakashi’s mouth opened to answer his question, but he stopped short of getting the words “Kannabi Bridge” out. 

Would he tell them? Would it even make a difference if they knew? What would happen if he told them things that they weren’t supposed to know? If only Minato hadn’t asked the second time. If only he hadn’t, then Kakashi wouldn’t have to feel this sense of helplessness as the last dredge of his thin resolve crumbled away. 

Kakashi couldn’t even look Minato in the eye as the words “The team falls apart” slipped from his mouth. By the time his brain had processed what he had just revealed, it was too late to take those words back. 

They already heard. Confusion was evident in their eyes – eyes that were too bright and too full of emotions to belong to someone who was buried six feet under. Questions piled up, their tact the only thing stopping them from firing away. Of course, there was a member of the team who didn’t understand what tact was, or ever had the opportunity to learn how to read the room. 

He died too young for that. 

“What the hell does that mean? Are you cursing our team?” 

Kakashi didn’t know why he entertained Obito’s questions, ignoring him had always been his go-to option every time Obito asked a stupid question. A warm, familiar feeling blossomed in the pit of his stomach, the warmth slowly chipping away at the icy armor. 

He missed this feeling so much that his heart clenched so tightly that a rush of dizziness wracked his head. Underneath his mask, his lips wobbled uncontrollably. His jaw quivered. He fought to curb the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. 

They were here. 

The younger version of himself crossed his arms over his chest, seemingly in an haughty manner, but Kakashi knew he was grieving from the way he angled his face away from everyone else. Rin’s gaze fell to the ground, feet shifting awkwardly as she tried to find a distraction. Minato’s lips curled into a small frown, expression darkening as he fully registered the implication behind Kakashi’s statement. Obito was the only one to remain completely oblivious, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet as he waited for an explanation that he was never going to receive. 

“Who?” Minato was the one who ultimately broke the frigid silence. A hint of fear was present in his voice, and Kakashi wondered if he should tell the truth or save them all from the grief of knowing. 

His gaze fell onto his younger self, who looked lighter and freer than Kakashi felt at the moment. Of course he was, eleven year old Kakashi wasn’t burdened by the guilt of his teammates’ death, wasn’t kept awake by the nightmares of his hand piercing through Rin’s heart, wasn’t shouldering every possible S-ranked mission he could get his hands on to serve as a distraction. 

By his side, Kakashi’s hands began to tremble. He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it again as the words remained lodged in the back of his throat. Even the mere thought of uttering their names had him retreating behind his carefully erected shield from reality. Vivid memories flashed through his mind: brief images of the falling boulders, the guttural scream that escaped from his own mouth, the sticky sensation of hot, warm and fresh blood dripping from elbow down, the haunting way his name left Rin’s lips–

Kakashi shook his head to dispel those thoughts. Regardless of how close he was to mentally breaking down, the soldier in him was still well aware he was in the middle of enemy territory, speaking to people who he was inclined to believe were comrades, but could very well still be the enemy. 

“You’re not getting any answers from me,” Kakashi stated flatly, feeling his vulnerability retreat back to the small crevice in his heart, before he locked away the compartment once more. His usual apathy returned, leaving him feeling utterly empty on the inside. 

Minato raised his hands as if to remind Kakashi that they had approached him in peace, probably sensing the shift in his attitude. “We just want to know how to get home. Can you help us?” 

“Do the same thing you were doing when you found yourself here.” 

“We tried,” Minato replied. “We tried and nothing happened. I was hoping that you could take us to someone who is knowledgeable about fuinjutsu because I’m pretty sure we ended up here because of my sealing jutsu.” 

After understanding the hidden meaning in Minato’s words, Kakashi simply stared at him. The request was an impossible one. Minato didn’t want Kakashi to take him to meet any fuinjutsu master…he wanted to meet his future counterpart. 

His future counterpart, the one who was missing half of his torso and currently buried six feet under in Konoha’s cemetery. 

Kakashi shook his head slowly, making it no secret that his hand was hovering above the hilt of his sword, fingers itching for another reason to unsheath it. Minato swallowed thickly before he took a poignant step backwards. The three children behind him followed suit to make room for their sensei. 

“I understand, Anbu san,” Minato said in a diplomatic manner accompanied by the same reassuring smile that Kakashi missed so, so much. His chest tightened uncomfortably, heart clenching in an agonizing manner. Still, no physical pain could trump the feeling of emptiness in the hole left in his heart. 

“We will leave. Sorry to have bothered you.” 

Behind Minato, Obito had opened his mouth, undoubtedly to protest, but luckily Rin’s sharp reaction led her to clamp a hand over his mouth before words could spill from his mouth. A sharp mind, fast reflexes…just like when Rin had chosen to throw herself in the trajectory of his Chidori to save Konoha. 

Reckless Obito, the one who always spoke before thinking. The one who was the first to verbally declare that his father was a hero, even if the entire village disagreed with him. The one who was the first to rush head first into a situation beyond his control, all for the sake of saving a comrade. 

Diplomatic Minato, who cultivated his level of patience after enduring his and Obito’s squabbling for years. His sensei, who rather back off than continue to allow their presence to instigate his volatile emotions, despite knowing Kakashi was the only one who could help them get home. Always looking out for others, always considerate of everyone else but himself…

For once, Kakashi wished Minato had been a little more selfish the night of the Kyuubi attack. For once, Kakashi wished Rin had been a little more naive and clueless while they escaped from Kiri. For once, Kakashi wished Obito hated him a little bit more so that he wouldn’t have taken the fall for him. 

Why was Kakashi the only selfish one on this team? 

His hand fell from the holster of his sword to his side, fingers curling up into a tight fist. His trembling arms hadn’t gone unnoticed by the members of Team Minato, but no one had chosen to comment on it. 

No one except his younger self, the version of him that Kakashi often dreamed of knocking some sense into with a well-packed punch. Ironically, the roles had been reversed this time. 

“I didn’t know there was such a coward in the Hatake clan.” A sharp, piercing pain lodged itself in Kakashi’s heart. Minato’s eyes widened in alarm, gaze darting furtively between the two versions of Kakashi. Placing a hand on younger Kakashi’s shoulders, he gently maneuvered the child behind him as if to shield him from Kakashi’s unpredictability. 

The harsh, warning glare Minato shot at younger Kakashi wasn’t enough for him to stop.

“Who taught you to run away from your problems?” An audible gasp sounded. Obito’s eyes practically bulged out of his eye sockets as he was reeling from his teammate’s comments, likely shocked as to what could instigate younger Kakashi to so blatantly disobey his sensei’s command. 

“What made you become so weak, so soft? You’re undeserving of the title of Anbu, much less of the Hatake surname.” 

Something snapped. Fingers grabbing ahold of the porcelain mask by the eye hole, Kakashi brutally ripped the mask from his face. With as much force as he could muster, he tossed the mask to the ground. Upon impact, the mask split into two, a poetic reminder of how broken his own life had become. 

“You’re right,” Kakashi confessed through chortles of choked and pained laughter. “I’m undeserving of this title. Of my second chance at life. Why did Obito save me?” His voice cracked. “Why?” 

“What do you mean why?” Obito asked, incredulous. This time, not even Rin was able to hold him back. “Even though you may be a bastard, you’re still a comrade. If I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change my mind.” 

If only Obito knew exactly what he was insinuating. 

“No,” Kakashi snapped harshly. “I don’t deserve to be saved.” 

“You do!” Obito insisted. How could someone be so naive, so innocent as to insist on something that he had no knowledge of? Maybe it was that same way of thinking that propelled him to turn back that day, to rescue Kakashi knowing that he would have no chance of escaping unscathed if he did. 

“I don’t care what happened, but you deserve it.” 

Hearing those words come out of his mouth, hearing the level of faith that Obito had in him, even in a version of him that had clearly derailed off to the deep end, only solidified Kakashi’s beliefs that it should have been Obito standing here today, and not him. Not Kakashi who was so undeserving of everything given to him – his promotion, his captain role during the Kannabi Bridge, his left eye, his second chance to see the future – everything. 

A spell of light-headedness washed over him. Patches of darkness clouded his vision, splotching out the picturesque image that his team painted before him. His breathing became shallow. His heartbeat spiraled out of his control. A dull, buzzing noise filled his ears, completely flushing out their voices, drowning out their words of validation and concern. 

Kakashi didn’t need it. 

Kakashi didn’t deserve it. 

“Kakashi? Are you okay?” 

There it was again. That concern in his sensei’s voice, the same tone of voice that unwillingly dredged up the memories that Kakashi tried so hard to suppress. All Kakashi wanted was for that to go away, for them to stop treating him like he was still the same prodigy teammate who could do no wrong. 

Why couldn’t fate stop tormenting him, even when Kakashi had already hit rock bottom?

Chapter Text

Kakashi tethered precariously on the border of having a mental breakdown. In all of the years Minato had known Kakashi, he had never seen him like this, not even in the aftermath of Sakumo’s suicide. When his father died, Kakashi reacted quite abnormally for someone who lost a parent at such a young age. Back then, Minato yearned for Kakashi to show some sort of emotion, even a tiny bit, to prove that he was still capable of exhibiting feelings. 

And now, Minato witnessed a version of Kakashi that was a bundle of all negative emotions rolled into one, the conglomeration proving so volatile that even Minato was hesitant to approach. Although Minato once boasted to Kushina that he was the only one who knew what Kakashi was thinking, meeting the future version of him had dispelled any notion of that. 

Minato couldn’t figure out a single thing that went through his mind, much less read anything from his expression other than sorrow, loss, and never ending pain. So when Kakashi suddenly clamped down on all of the feelings raging within him and announced that he would take them to the Hokage, Minato was suddenly taken aback, like he had experienced severe whiplash. 

How did Kakashi end up in the Anbu? The ability to shut off all emotions instantaneously, the sheer prowess and strength, the sharp mind…all of that fit the criteria of an Anbu Black Op operative. 

But, in Kakashi’s current condition, continually basking himself in that darkness, constantly subjecting himself to the dark side of being a shinobi – that would only make everything worse. 

And if Minato’s speculation was right…then he wasn’t there in the future to pull him out of it. Obito wasn’t there to punch some sense into him. Rin wasn’t there to coax some reason into him. All Kakashi had was himself, wrapped tightly in his own trauma and sorrows, succumbing himself deeper and deeper into his self-created hell. 

How long had it been since there was light in his eyes? How long had it been since he last smiled? How long had it been since he felt genuine happiness? 

How long has it been since they died?

Despite suffering from chakra exhaustion and emotional fatigue, Kakashi never missed a step as he flew through the forest. Never once did Kakashi break his stride to look over his shoulder to confirm if Team Minato was keeping up; he kept moving like if he stopped, Kakashi would crumble all over again. 

His show of vulnerability earlier was already a grave mistake, a life-ending one if Minato had truly been the enemy. Knowing his student, he was too sharp and too seasoned to make such a mistake twice. Minato wagered that it had been his only chance to weasel some answers out of Kakashi about the future. 

The answers Minato got should have been enough. The logical side of him knew that it was time to clamp down on his curiosity to allow the future to pan out like it was supposed to. However, the illogical side of him was fueled by the gut wrenching turmoil that churned uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach at the thought that Obito would die. Rin would die. And his only remaining student would become so broken, become such a shadow of his former self. 

There must be something Minato could do to alter the course of their fates. If he only knew where it went wrong…what he was doing at the time…

Despite Kakashi pushing himself to his limits to increase the distance between him and the rest of Team Minato, with the help of his chakra, Minato caught up to him with ease. His steps fell into tandem with his, the rhythmic thumps of the soles of their feet against the branches breaking the dull buzz of the forest. Kakashi remained apathetic when Minato approached him, but the slight clench of his fingers betrayed his apathy. 

Minato’s presence bothered him. And to be honest, older Kakashi’s presence bothered him too because he couldn’t fathom how he was suddenly being forced to interact with a teenager version of his eleven year old student. 

Minato cleared his throat as a way of warning Kakashi that he was intending to speak. 

“Kakashi.” When Minato saw the vicious side eye that Kakashi had thrown at him, he was quick to amend his greeting. 

“Anbu-san,” Minato tried again. “You should slow down. The children can’t keep up with this pace and straining yourself isn’t going to do you any good. We have already crossed the border of the Fire Country; it is safer here.” 

His fingers twitched. “Nowhere is truly safe,” Kakashi muttered darkly. His statement was followed by another softer comment that was lost in the wind. 

Despite verbally disagreeing with Minato, it wasn’t long before there was a noticeable change in his pace. Hurried steps turned into weary ones and cautious ones, slowing down to a point where Minato no longer needed the help of his chakra to keep up with him. A quick glance over his shoulder told him his students were still quite a ways away from them, but they would catch up soon. Young Kakashi was leading the trio, followed by Obito who was desperately trying to catch up to his rival, while Rin trailed slightly behind to make sure he didn’t fall. 

“Thank you,” Minato murmured softly while dipping his head in acknowledgement. Kakashi may have been his student and may have been younger, but he acknowledged that the two of them were equals in rank now. Minato needed to tread cautiously with how he approached him; this Kakashi wasn’t as easy to deal with as the younger version. 

“Is there anything you can tell me before we meet the Hokage? I want to make sure we are prepared.” 

Kakashi shot him a suspicious look, despite clearly having all of his doubts towards their identities previously cleared. Occupational habit, Minato supposed. 

“Just explain to him how you ended up here. He’ll find a way to get you home.” 

“Who is he?” Minato pressed. 

When Kakashi remained quiet for a few minutes, Minato knew that he wasn’t going to get anything more out of him that easily. 

“Hiruzen-sama?” An ever so slightest of a head nod was the closest to a confirmation that he was going to receive. Minato wordlessly accepted the response, knowing it was futile to push for more. If his future counterpart was dead and his sensei was off to collect “research,” then Hiruzen-sama was their best option to get home – Minato didn’t even want to speculate what happened to Kushina in the future. 

He wasn’t sure he could bear it. 

Without warning, Kakashi hopped into the clearing. Instinctively, Minato followed his descent, tossing his head over his shoulder and gesturing at his students to follow him. By the time his feet landed onto the soft soil, Minato found Kakashi already conducting a routine inspection of the clearing. Every step, every movement he took followed the textbook definition down to the most minuscule details, even going further to be more rigorous in the sweep of the area. By the time the rest of his students had joined them in the clearing, Kakashi was subtly throwing up a genjutsu barrier around them. 

Slight confusion was written all over Rin’s face, while the other two boys remained completely oblivious. Obito had carelessly dumped his backpack to the ground, before proceeding to use it as a makeshift seat. Young Kakashi remained standing, with his arms crossed over his chest as he shifted his body to face the other direction. Harsh disapproval shone in Kakashi’s eyes as he stared at Minato’s disorganized team. 

The corner of Minato’s lips twitched. He attempted to subtly nudge Obito lightly, only to be exposed by a loud “what!” from him. Upon making eye contact with his sensei, young Kakashi had gotten the hint and started to head towards the woods. Rin moved to follow, before turning back to grab Obito by the wrist to drag him along. Although his unwillingness was written all over his face, Obito remained silent and allowed her to drag him out of earshot. 

“My students are going to gather firewood,” Minato commented, just for the sake of breaking the tense silence in the clearing. Kakashi didn’t need Minato to tell him that – he’d been on Team Minato at one point in time, for much longer than his current students have. Of course, he’d be familiar with how Team Minato operated. 

The fact that his remark wasn’t returned with a scoff was already a win for Minato. Instead, Kakashi’s face remained completely impassive as his eye remained fixated on something in the distance, staring listlessly. 

Minato busied himself with making the area suitable for starting a fire, clearing away stray branches and rocks, along with leveling out the ground. All while he did so, Minato periodically took peeks at Kakashi from the corner of his eye and found that he didn’t even move a single muscle. 

What was he thinking so hard about? Minato wished he knew. 

Once he finished his task, Minato opened his mouth to inform Kakashi that he was going to check up on his students, only to close it before the words made it out. Instead, he quietly slipped out of the clearing, confident that Kakashi preferred not to be bothered by a trivial announcement. Besides knowing how skilled Kakashi was now, there was no way Minato’s departure was unseen. 

And even if it was, Kakashi would probably rejoice that he didn’t have to deal with them anymore rather than come searching for them. 

His students hardly knew the meaning of subtly; Minato didn’t have to try very hard to find them. From quite a distance away, he could hear the sound of their voices echoing through the forest, along with the heavy footsteps and harsh rustling of the leaves. 

“Do you really think that he is Kakashi from the future? He seems so…” For once, Obito was at a loss of words to describe Kakashi. Quite frankly, Minato was too. 

“Standoffish,” young Kakashi supplemented. 

Obito scoffed. “Like you aren’t standoffish now.” 

“Guys…” Rin intervened softly, hoping to prevent the impending argument from starting. Not that Minato would let them get out of control, especially not in Kakashi’s presence, when the slightest thing could potentially set him off. 

Obito jerked his head to the side. “What’s his problem anyways? Minato sensei already established that we aren’t a threat.” 

Young Kakashi remained silent for a few moments, eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration as his expression became serious. The answer was written all over his face and now his student was debating internally whether or not to speak the truth. 

Minato stepped in, making young Kakashi’s decision for him. 

“It’s been a few years,” Minato said, projecting his voice loud enough in hopes that Kakashi, who still remained in the clearing, could hear him too. Although he wasn’t able to shield everyone from the truth, at least he could do his best to allow Obito retain a semblance of innocence. No need to burden him with the knowledge of disaster awaiting their team. “People change. Kakashi is now a member of the Anbu too, so now there is a higher standard of professionalism he must uphold.” 

Obito seemed to readily accept his answer. Doubt was written all over young Kakashi’s face, more directed at why Minato had chosen to cover up the truth when he wasn’t the type of sensei to coddle them. The corner of Rin’s lip turned upwards into a wistful smile. 

Minato wasn’t sure what she was thinking and he didn’t have much more time to ponder as Obito started taking off towards the clearing with his armful of firewood tucked underneath his armpit. Rin and young Kakashi moved to follow him; Minato quietly took up the rear end of the formation – in complete turmoil at how they were going to survive another day of travel with an ice-cold Kakashi.

Kakashi slept with one eye open. Despite giving off an appearance that he was asleep, and reluctantly agreeing to let Minato take the second watch, Minato knew that Kakashi wasn’t truly asleep. Minato deliberately shifted twice, once to elicit the scratchy sound of his flak jacket against bark and the second, to cause the soles of his sandals to scrape against the branch. Both times, Kakashi didn’t even move. His breathing remained calm and steady, yet the subtle spike in his chakra levels betrayed his act. 

Kakashi wasn’t asleep. To be fair, during Kakashi’s watch, Minato never truly went to sleep either. While his three students were knocked out cold, exhausted from their trip to the future, Minato laid on his side, passing time by sorting out all of the newfound information in his mind. 

His perceptive nature allowed him to pick up the subtle clues on what had transpired in the future, and his knowledge of his youngest student helped him to read in between the lines. Yet all of that only led to more questions, questions that Minato couldn’t get the answers to. 

Kakashi had been surprisingly tight-lipped since he agreed to take them to meet the Hokage. The initial meeting was probably the most that Minato was going to get out of him – probably for the best. 

Altering the future…Minato shook his head. That was a train of thought that he didn’t want to consider. Time was a fickle thing. Time was…not something that a mere shinobi could hope to touch. 

A soft sigh escaped from his lips as Minato tipped his head upwards to get an eyeful of the faint specks that dotted the dark sky. The back of his head rested against the trunk of the tree as he slid his body forward in a more relaxing position. His shoulders sagged, releasing all of the tension that built up in his muscles. 

From two trees over, Kakashi’s chakra signature flickered in undisguised disapproval towards Minato’s lax posture. But Kami, Minato couldn’t bring himself to care. He was so, so exhausted. For the sake of not worrying his students, Minato kept up appearances to shoulder all of the weight of their current predicament. 

Now encompassed in the darkness high up in the trees, Minato allowed the weariness to settle in between every crevice of his aching muscles. Physical exhaustion had caught up to him, but so did mental and emotional exhaustion. Dealing with Kakashi’s array of negative emotions chipped away at his usual cheery persona, the negativity left a lasting impression on his own mood that wasn’t so easy to eradicate. And as for his mental state…

The thoughts of his and his students’ impending death never stopped plaguing him.

His team was uncharacteristically quiet as they approached Konoha. Obito kept his mouth firmly shut, mashing his lips tightly together in an attempt to keep his thoughts to himself. Rin’s fingers fiddled anxiously with the edge of her apron, deliberately looking at everything except for Kakashi. Even young Kakashi was on edge, every muscle in his body tense, as if he could sense his counterpart’s darkening mood. 

Minato attempted to act like his normal self, hoping that would ease some of his students’ anxiety. It didn’t. It was difficult to keep a sense of normalcy, not when Kakashi was unconsciously releasing enough killing intent to suffocate them all. 

Minato didn’t miss the way that Kakashi deliberately took them on the long route, completely passing the front gates in favor of leading them to the lesser known back entrance of Konoha. This entrance wasn’t guarded by anyone, but was fortified with multiple layers of invisible barriers that no ordinary shinobi would be able to remove with ease. He recognized hints of his own handiwork, combined with that of his sensei and the Third Hokage. 

Kakashi removed the barriers with relative ease, hands moving to form a sequence of signs that was too fast for the human eye to register. 

The password. 

At least that signified Hiruzen trusted Kakashi enough to give him such important intel. If Hiruzen trusted him, then perhaps, Minato could trust him too. 

Kakashi was the last to enter the village, hands already subtly forming signs to erect the barrier once more. Young Kakashi took a step in the direction of the main streets of Konoha, but was quickly stopped by Kakashi, who had suddenly appeared next to him. Minato blinked in surprise – when had his student gotten so fast that he was practically undetectable? – before he felt the contents of his stomach churn uncomfortably. Kakashi, with a heavy hand on young Kakashi’s shoulder, forcibly steered him in the opposite direction. Young Kakashi let out a yelp at the rough move, followed by a grumble of annoyance at being bossed around. 

Still, Kakashi’s menacing aura was suffocating enough to clamp down the complaints that were undoubtedly on young Kakashi’s mind. 

“We’re taking the route through the forest,” Kakashi stated before roughly shoving his younger self forward. Young Kakashi stumbled slightly, shinobi reflexes kicking in just in time to prevent him from face planting. He muttered something underneath his breath, but obediently started towards the direction of the forest. Rin quietly fell in step behind young Kakashi. Upon seeing his two teammates leaving him behind, Obito scrambled to catch up to them. 

Minato lingered behind, solemnly watching his students’ figures becoming fainter in the distance. From the corner of his eye, he noted Kakashi’s gaze was fixated on his students. His head tilted ever so slightly, accompanied with what sounded like a nostalgic sigh. 

Maybe it had been a figment of Minato’s imagination. 

“You don’t have to be so rough with him, you know,” Minato chided softly. The rational part of his mind had long decided that he wasn’t going to get close to this version of Kakashi; he encompassed every trait that Minato wouldn’t want near his students. Yet his heart yearned to speak to him, acknowledging that this Kakashi was still his student, albeit a bit older, a bit more pessimistic, and a bit darker. 

Despite the rough edges and prickly personality, Kakashi was still his student. There was no universe in which Minato could heartlessly abandon his student. 

Regardless of who his student had become. 

“It’s the only way he’ll listen.” Kakashi’s response was a pleasant surprise to Minato; he hadn’t been expecting one at all. However, before Minato could capitalize on Kakashi’s sudden openness, Kakashi flickered out of sight. 

Minato followed the traces of his chakra signature.

Two sharp knocks on the wooden door. Kakashi didn’t even bother waiting for an affirmative before pushing the door open – the two guards standing on either side of it were too shell-shocked to protest. While the guards remained shocked into submission, Hiruzen hardly looked perturbed by Kakashi’s sudden appearance. Instead he leaned forward, casually propping both elbows on his desk, two fingers gently holding onto the end of his pipe. He removed the pipe from his lips, gently blowing out a puff of smoke from his mouth. 

The corners of his eyes crinkled. 

“What brings you here?” 

Kakashi’s way of answering was stepping aside to allow Hiruzen a front row view of Minato and his students. Hiruzen studied each of them carefully, eyes lingering on each of them for at least two minutes. Under the scrutiny of Hiruzen’s gaze, Obito squirmed uncomfortably, just barely holding it together to stop himself from hiding behind Minato. 

Minato made eye contact with Hiruzen, his leader’s brown eyes conveying so much with just a single look. The confusion was certainly present, but the worry seemed to trump that. The worry about what? 

That Minato had already figured out what happened in the future? 

“What brought you here?” The fact that Hiruzen knew that they didn’t belong just from a single glance only seemed to cement the fact that one of them was dead in the future. One or more of them was dead. 

Minato cocked his head. “You trust us?” After having gone through the whole ordeal to try to convince Kakashi that they weren’t enemies nor imposters, and had no malicious intent, it almost seemed too easy for Hiruzen to seamlessly adapt to their presence in this world. To adapt as if they had been there all along. 

“Kakashi wouldn’t have brought you to meet me if you didn’t gain his trust.” At this admission, Kakashi angled his head slightly so that Minato could only see the right side of his face. “I trust Kakashi’s judgment. No one else would know you better than he does.” 

No one else would know you better than he does. 

Before Minato could examine the implications of that particular statement, Kakashi began his report in a monotonous voice, dully reciting everything that happened from the moment Kakashi encountered Team Minato. What had been an emotionally charged encounter, with multiple instances of both sides losing their rationale, was merely reduced to a mundane recitation as if meeting dead people from the past was an everyday activity. Kakashi proceeded to detail all of the ways he verified their identities; some that Minato was aware of, and others done sneakily without their knowledge. 

Minato was quickly finding out that this version of Kakashi was frightening, frighteningly good at his job. 

“What are your thoughts on what happens next?” Hiruzen asked. Kakashi shrugged as his way of responding. The corners of Hiruzen’s eyes crinkled in amusement. 

“I know you didn’t bring them here without a plan in mind.” Hiruzen cocked his head to the side. “That wouldn’t be you.” 

“I was hoping you would be able to help them get home,” Kakashi murmured so softly that Minato really had to strain to hear his mumbling. Minato took that as an opening to explain their current predicament, accompanied by three of his running theories of what could have caused their trip in time. All while Minato spoke, no matter how ludicrous it all seemed, Hiruzen simply nodded along. By the end of his long-winded explanation, Minato slowed down to take a deep breath before tacking along a very hesitant, “Would you be able to help us?” 

Minato didn’t know where the uncertainty came from. Hiruzen was the Third Hokage. He was known as the Professor. Why would there be anything he wouldn’t be able to figure out? The only thing Minato really feared was…

Hiruzen let out a nonchalant hum. “I’ll need some time.” That was better than hearing there was no hope to get home, but Hiruzen was asking for time that Minato wasn’t quite sure that they had. 

They were dead. Where could they go? What could they do, other than aimlessly wait around for a solution that may never come? 

Hiruzen’s gaze turned towards Kakashi. “I’ll leave them to you to help them settle in for the night.” 

“Where?” Kakashi deadpanned as if he already didn’t know the answer himself. There was a hint of irritation and unwillingness in the back of his throat, but his respect towards the Hokage kept him from putting that on full display. Hiruzen was perceptive enough to catch on anyways. Unfortunately, that did nothing to change his mind. 

“Somewhere out of sight. You know that they cannot be seen.” 

“Why not?” Obito interjected. Minato shot Obito a firm glare, shaking his head as a warning to not continue any further. Obito was rash, often saying things without thinking, but for the most part, Obito was an obedient kid. Minato never expected Obito to deliberately ignore his orders. If there was ever a time where Minato didn’t want his stubbornness to kick in, that time was now. 

“We all have our own homes to go to. Sure, it’ll be weird having to explain why there’s two of us now, but if Bakashi can convince his asshole self that he’s not an imposter, then we shouldn’t have any problems convincing our family. Why are we being treated like prisoners? It’s not like we’ve done anything wrong–” 

“Why?” An incredulous edge was present in his tone of voice. This was the very thing that Minato wanted to prevent, and unfortunately he didn’t have any sway in Anbu Kakashi’s decisions. All of his silent pleas to Kakashi to keep silent were promptly ignored. 

“Yeah, why? From the moment you met us, you’ve been treating us like shit–” Minato slapped a hand over Obito’s mouth, much to the younger boy’s protest. It was too late. The damage was done. 

“Because all of you are dead! You should be buried six feet under right now and not standing in front of me, constantly reminding me that I am the reason why all of you are dead.” 

“You’re supposed to be dead,” Kakashi repeated, this time in a softer voice. There were audible cracks in his voice, revealing the brokenness and vulnerability behind the shield of apathy and ruthlessness. 

“Why can’t you just stay dead? ”

Chapter Text

A gust of wind swept the room, sending chills creeping down their spines in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature. Kakashi inhaled sharply. He took a shaky step backwards. Years of shinobi reflexes was the only reason that Kakashi remained standing upright, that he wasn’t sent toppling backwards onto the wall. Tears welled up in the corner of his left eye – the most damned and cursed gift ever given to him. 

With his regular eye, he saw Obito, with his mouth agape, still reeling from the shock of Kakashi’s sudden admission. His fingers curled slowly into tight fists by his side as the shock began to wear off. Grief replaced it; his entire body shook uncontrollably as hot tears splashed down his cheeks, teeth clattering together as Obito tried his best to hold in his emotions. 

Yet through the teary eyed Sharingan, all Kakashi could see were the falling rocks. The small, content smile on Obito’s face during his last moments standing. The trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth as Obito imparted his last words. The damned boulder that wouldn’t budge no matter how much strength Kakashi exerted. The collapse of the cave, completely swallowing Obito whole. 

And all that remained was just a name carved on the memorial stone. 

Minato’s gaze was casted towards the floor, all too deliberately not looking at his students or at Kakashi, probably out of fear that he would crumble too if he caught a glimpse of his students’ distraught states. Yet it was the slightest quiver of his jaw that had given him away – even if it was likely that Minato had already come to the conclusion that they were all dead in the future, it didn’t make the truth hurt any less. 

Minato, a man that Kakashi looked up to as his role model. Minato, a man that seemed to radiate all of the strength, hope, and optimism for the entire village. Minato, a man that was feared by shinobi all over the world, with a run-on-sight status stamped on every Bingo Book. His sensei, someone that Kakashi once thought was invincible, infallible – fallen. 

Sacrificed for the sake of protecting Konoha. 

And in just one night, Kakashi’s pillar snapped cleanly in two. The remnants of the debris were buried underground, with only a chipped headstone to mark its place. A few brief phrases carved into the stone. It was nowhere near enough to encapsulate what Minato had meant to the village.

What he had meant to Kakashi when he had been alone during his darkest days. 

And then there was Rin. A delicate hand covered her mouth, to mute her audible sobs. Her tears flowed freely down her face. Tears shone brightly in her wide eyes. Rin tipped her head backwards, to swallow her sobs and hold back her grief, but it wasn’t enough. 

Kakashi should have been relieved that Rin was standing in front of him, alive and well. Yet the tomoes of his Sharingan spun lazily in his left eye, replaying that damned scene in his mind. Instead of tears flowing from her eyes, blood streamed down from both corners of her lips. One moment, Rin was standing perfectly fine in front of him, and then the next, there was a gaping hole in her chest. Instead of the choked sobs, her lips were moving, forming the haunting syllables of his name. 

There was blood everywhere. Why was there blood everywhere? 

Himself. The younger version of himself kept his gaze right on him, completely fixated on finding any signs that Kakashi was lying. But Kakashi knew himself, and that extended to his younger self too. 

There was no way Kakashi would lie about something like this. How Kakashi wished that it was all a lie, merely the product of an extended nightmare. Yet even with his team standing in front of him, alive and well and unknowing of how quickly things would go south in just a few short years, that wasn’t enough to convince him that it was all a nightmare. 

No, it wasn’t. Every time his normal eye saw them, every time his brain yearned to convince himself that they were here, the damned eye wouldn’t let him forget. Side-by-side, with one eye Kakashi saw what he hoped to be true; with the other, he was viciously reminded of reality. A never ending game of tug-of-war, jerking him back and forth between opposite ends of the spectrum until Kakashi couldn’t take it anymore. 

Kami, why him? Why was the world so cruel to him? To take away the people he cared for, only to temporarily return them to his side and rub salt in his raw and fresh wounds. 

It would have been so much easier to turn a blind eye, to abandon them in the woods, yet his damned bleeding heart wouldn’t allow him to do that. And now here he was, suffering the consequences of his own foolish decisions.

Kakashi’s apartment was a ten minute walk away from the Hokage’s office. Fifteen minutes if Kakashi wanted to take the scenic route home. Five minutes if Kakashi raced across the rooftops. 

When Kakashi exited the Hokage’s office through the window, it had taken every bit of self control in him to not take off across the rooftops. Instead, the shinobi training ingrained within him made him wait on the balcony for a few moments for the straggling team to catch up to him. Once Rin, the last member of their team, had successfully climbed out of the window, Kakashi had taken off. He scaled the side of the Hokage Tower with relative ease, relishing in the way that the air bit viciously at his cheeks. The pain was good. The stinging feeling was a good way to keep him grounded to reality. 

Five minutes. All it had taken was five minutes for them to reach the front door of Kakashi’s apartment, yet to him, it felt like an eternity had passed. No one had spoken on the entire trip. None of Team Minato was willing to meet his eyes. While Kakashi fished in his pocket for the keys to his front door, Obito was bouncing anxiously on the balls of his feet, head ducked to shield his tears from view. Minato’s hands were jammed in his pocket, body angled in a protective manner towards his team; practically announcing to everyone present that Kakashi was the enemy. 

Kakashi didn’t care. 

The moment his front door swung open with a loud creak, Kakashi bolted. It was a waste of chakra to teleport away from there, and probably a horrible decision since he was still suffering from a bit of chakra fatigue, but he had to leave. Kakashi couldn’t spend another moment there, much less spend time cramped up with them in his one room apartment. He didn’t want to witness Obito and Rin crying. He didn’t want to see Minato and his younger self’s faces contorted with grief. 

Kakashi didn’t want to see them. 

Instead, he sought solace in the familiarity of the smooth quartz glass underneath his fingertips. The rough tips of his fingers traced over the kanji of Obito’s name, as he whispered a dozen of apologies underneath his breath. Oftentimes, he’d stand there for hours and hours, losing himself in his own thoughts until he wasn’t even aware the sun had risen. However today, Kakashi couldn’t control his racing mind, couldn’t veer his thoughts away from Team Minato. 

Couldn’t stop regretting the words that slipped from his mouth during his moment of vulnerability. Kakashi had done it again. Always harming his team, whether he meant it or not. 

They were better off without him. He’d once been too young and stubborn to realize it, but now that he was older and wiser, Kakashi had chosen to remove himself from that equation. As long as they went their separate ways until the Third Hokage found a way to send Team Minato home, everything would be fine. 

Kakashi wouldn’t have another opportunity to hurt them. And likewise, their presence would stop reminding him of the past. 

That was all they would ever be: the past. 

His present? Three graves and a broken beyond repair heart.

No matter how long Kakashi spent wandering around the village, his feet ultimately led him back to the balcony of his own apartment. The window was cracked open, the breeze sneaking through the small crack to lift the billowing curtains. The stream of moonlight illuminated the dark room, granting Kakashi a view of the three of them, fast asleep on Kakashi’s futon. Rin slept soundly in the middle of the bed, fingers curled tightly around the edge of the blanket. Obito was asleep on her left, flopped over on his stomach, with one arm and leg splayed on the floor. His younger self was on her right, turned over on his side, palm tucked beneath the side of his head. Although he remained utterly still, Kakashi knew he wasn’t asleep. There was a slight hitch in his breathing; he knew Kakashi was here. 

In the time that it had taken young Kakashi to open his eyes, Kakashi was already out of sight. He sat cross-legged on the rooftops, staring blankly out at the village that spawned before him. They were the same buildings he’d grown up seeing: the civilian block with colorful apartment buildings, the unique structure of the Hyuuga compound, the blotch of bright street lights that illuminated Konoha’s night market, the two dimly lit lanterns at Ichiraku Ramen that swayed with the wind, the red, circular roof of the Hokage Tower. A light breeze brushed past him, a few locks of his hair tickling his forehead. The crisp, clean air, the darkness of the night to mask his presence, all of that should have been calming yet it did nothing to quiet his thumping heart. 

Three dead people. Why did their presence put him more on edge than being surrounded by the enemy on all sides? Why would he rather embark on the most suicidal S-ranked mission rather than to confront them? Kakashi had never known himself to be a coward, but this time…

Kakashi bristled when he felt a chakra signature appear behind him. Leaving his back vulnerable to the enemy was a textbook definition of a rookie mistake, but in spite of all of his self mantras, Kakashi didn’t feel a single bit of animosity. It was one of the few chakra signatures left in the world that gave him a sense of safety, one of the few presences that allowed him to fully fall into deep sleep. His usual strong chakra presence was muted, but still powerful and comforting. 

Unconsciously, the muscles of his back began to loosen. The tautness in his shoulders eased away, allowing his arms to droop by his side. The itch in his fingers to feel the familiar handle of his sword was noticeably not present. Even if his mind tried to convince him that Minato was the enemy, every bit of his body language betrayed him. Even if he wanted to stay away from his former team, Kakashi couldn’t find it in himself to leave, not even when Minato began to close the distance between them. 

His sensei scooted to the edge of the rooftops, letting his legs dangle freely over the edge. Minato leaned backwards, palms pressed against the rough tiling as he tilted his head upwards to admire the beautiful night sky. Much to Kakashi’s surprise, Minato didn’t say anything. The two of them sat in silence, one putting on an air of carefreeness, while the other was puzzled, confused, and wracked with a swirl of emotions that he was unable to untangle. 

But it was always like that though. Either Kakashi felt too many emotions or nothing at all. He didn’t know which he preferred, but confusion was a new one. 

Confusion why Minato was content to just…sit there when Kakashi knew that his sensei wanted answers. 

Or maybe he didn’t. Kakashi didn’t know anymore. All the thinking began to make his head spin in endless circles, so Kakashi opted to shove all the thoughts out of his head. He laid down on the hard tiles, palm of his hands tucked underneath his head to serve as a makeshift pillow. His eyes closed, but Kakashi knew that he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. On the nights that he was actually exhausted enough for sleep to pull him down under, the same nightmares replayed on a continuous loop until Kakashi jerked awake with a hoarse cry and the frantic thought of getting the blood off of his hands. 

Kakashi didn’t want Minato to see that side of him, so despite the weariness in every thread of his muscles and exhaustion that settled in his bones, Kakashi fought a continuous battle against sleep. 

Don’t fall asleep, Kakashi mentally repeated. He began to recite all of his mission reports, starting from his very first D-ranked mission as a genin. But even that wasn’t enough for him to win the battle; before Kakashi reached the Kannabi Bridge mission, he found his consciousness slipping between his fingers.

And then he was out. 

By the time Kakashi regained consciousness, the first rays of sunlight had already begun peeking in the horizon. Blinking away the weariness that clung to his vision, Kakashi slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. He turned his head to his right. 

Minato had left sometime during the night and Kakashi didn’t even notice. The thought of the fact that he had let his guard down so much sent chills down his spine, goosebumps appearing on the back of his neck and along the length of his arms. However, like a hardened soldier trained to adapt, Kakashi shrugged away the unsettling feeling with ease. 

He slipped through the open crack of the window, brushed his teeth, changed his clothes, and slipped back out all without stirring the three kids still fast asleep on his futon. Like clockwork, his feet carried him in the direction of the memorial stone. Yet instead of strolling straight up to the base of the memorial stone, his footsteps faltered when he saw a familiar figure bent down in front of the stone, fingers delicately tracing against the smooth quartz. 

Minato. 

The bottom of Kakashi’s jaw quivered at the thought of Minato stumbling upon Obito’s name. His sensei didn’t blame him when he found out about the details surrounding Obito’s death, but Kakashi blamed himself. He blamed himself so much that he became convinced that Minato, Kushina, Rin and everyone else blamed him too, despite none of them showing an outward indication that was the case. 

It was all in his head, they tried to tell him on multiple occasions. The reassurance had worked for a while, but eventually the voices subsided. 

There was no one left to tell him the words that he needed to hear. 

Instinctively, the heels of his feet were already turning to lead him away from here – this was no longer his safe haven if the very person he was trying to avoid had encroached on this space – but his voice stopped him. 

“Will you join me, Kakashi?” 

His body and mind played a vicious game of tug-of-war. To stay or to go. Both sides made a compelling argument to the point where Kakashi felt like he was being torn inside and out, ping ponged back and forth between a rock and a hard place. 

Before he knew it, Kakashi found himself standing next to Minato. The corners of Minato’s lips tilted into a small smile. 

“Obito, huh.” With two words, Minato had conveyed everything and also nothing at all. Just hearing his name almost opened the floodgate of things that Kakashi wanted to say, all the things that had been hurled into the void because there had been no one left to listen. 

Almost.

Kakashi kept his mouth shut, pressing his lips tightly together. It was better this way. No amount of words could really describe his mixed emotions anyways. How could Kakashi explain the blame, the guilt, the torment, without Minato assuring him that it wasn’t his fault? How could Kakashi explain something that hasn’t happened yet? Sure, the name engraved in the memorial stone was proof that Obito’s death in the future was very much real, but Kakashi knew they wouldn’t take the Kannabi Bridge incident seriously. His younger self would claim that he could make sure that Obito didn’t split from the team. Minato would say that he would stick with the team on that mission. Rin would assure him that she would train hard to not be captured by the Iwa shinobis. 

But it wasn’t the Iwa nins that were their enemy. 

It was fate. 

And no matter how much Kakashi wished it to be so, Team Minato was no match for fate. His shoulders sagged in resignation. 

“You can’t change fate,” Kakashi murmured so quietly that he wasn’t sure if Minato would be able to hear him. 

Minato cocked his head to the side. “Sometimes you’ll be surprised at what miracles can happen. How will you know if you don’t try?” 

“What’s the point?” 

Instead of responding to his bitter response, Minato changed the subject. “Before we showed up, did you believe in time travel?” 

Kakashi shook his head. 

“Do you believe in time travel now?” 

Kakashi shook his head again, this time with more hesitance in his response. Although Team Minato was here and was apparently very much real because the Third Hokage could see them too, there was still some part of Kakashi that kept drifting to the theory that they were just figments of his imagination. 

Very realistic figments of his imagination but still his imagination. 

“You didn’t believe in time travel, but look, it has happened. Did you ever wonder why we time traveled? What the purpose of our appearance is?” 

“To torment me,” Kakashi muttered. Either Minato didn’t hear it or had chosen to ignore it. 

“Maybe our appearance is a second chance. You have a lot of regrets and perhaps this is fate’s way of giving you a chance to redo it.” 

Kakashi shook his head. “Nothing I say or do will change the fact that Obito’s name is carved onto this stone. It’s not going to wipe the blood stained on my hands or remove the nightmares that plague my dreams or erase the guilt and torture of being the survivor when I’m the one who least deserves it.” 

“Do you know how painful it is to open my eyes everyday?” His voice cracked. The brokenness was evident, the vulnerability on full display, but Kakashi couldn’t bring it in himself to rein it in. His pointer finger tapped lightly on his closed left eye, knowing that Minato had seen what was underneath it. Now seeing Obito’s name engraved on the memorial stone, Minato was smart enough to put the two together. 

The pad of his finger traced the jagged edges of the scar that forever scarred him in ways that were much more than just a physical wound. 

“This eye is a gift and a curse. This eye contained hope for the future, but all that’s left is a broken promise and darkness ahead. Do you know how it feels to lifelessly live your days knowing it’s only to progressively get worse? Do you know how it feels to see your dead team again and then to get attached, only for them to leave you behind again?” 

“ Do you? ” Kakashi posed that question in a challenging manner, edging Minato on despite knowing that his sensei wouldn’t have an answer for him. 

“I’m already broken. If I break again…” There were a lot of things he could have said to finish that sentence, but none of them would have conveyed what Kakashi really felt. Instead, he settled for a final request. “Stay away from me. It’ll be better for all of us.” 

And then Kakashi disappeared in a swirl of leaves. 

There Kakashi went again. When it came to enemies, Kakshi had no problems confronting them head on, even when he was outmatched and outnumbered. However, when it came to people that cared for him, all Kakashi knew how to do was push them away and run. 

This time was no different. 

But this time, Kakashi knew he was right. Maybe he was wrong to push away Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai out of the fear that they would befall the same tragic outcome that his team did, but this time, he was right. There was only one outcome for Team Minato: leaving him behind. Eventually, they would return to their own timeline, bickering while completing team exercises, complaining when embarking on yet another D-ranked mission, gathering happily for team dinners…and then there was him. 

All alone.

Always the one left behind. 

First, his father. 

Then Obito. 

And then Rin. 

Then Sensei and Kushina. 

And finally, his will to live.

Chapter Text

Pain was a familiar friend. It was pain that reminded him that he was, to a certain extent, still alive. That reminded him that he wasn't the one crushed beneath an unmovable boulder, doomed to never see the light of day again. That reminded him that he wasn't the one lying first first in his own pool of blood. That reminded he wasn't the one who merely remained a memento as one of Konoha's greatest shinobis to exist.

It was the pain that reminded he was still human. Although the emotional wounds hurt him more than anything ever could, the accumulation of physical injuries was catching up to him. It was all of those fresh, jagged cuts that had begun to scab over. It was all of those dark bruises that seemed to never heal. It was the sharp, stinging sensation combined with the unsuppressable swelling on his right shoulder.

In the beginning, it was only a dull ache. Sometimes, it felt like hundreds of needles were being driven into his shoulder, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. Kakashi had learned to soldier through the pain, to train himself to wield his sword despite the backlash. He'd grown accustomed to the feeling.

But when Kakashi rammed his Chidori through the strawman, a fiery sensation exploded from his right shoulder, so sudden and brutal that it almost knocked him unconscious. Black spots danced around the edges of his vision. His knees buckled from beneath him, left hand reaching to clutch his shoulder. When his fingers made contact with the uncontrollably swollen skin, a hiss escaped from his lips.

Kakashi took two steps backwards, stumbling over his own two feet.

Sloppy.

For a brief second, he wondered if there would be someone there to catch him. Maybe it would be his father, who caught him numerous times when Kakashi had just been learning to walk. Maybe it would be Minato sensei, who always seemed to have a knack of arriving right whenever Kakashi needed him.

His back collided with the rough bark of the tree trunk. The forceful impact was enough to knock some sense in him again. The delusions that clouded his mind scattered away, restoring clarity and reality to him once more. A humorless laugh remained lodged in his throat. The corner of his lips upturned into a bitter smile. His lone eye stared at the expansive training ground before him – kilometers and kilometers of wide open space –

And yet there was nothing.

No sounds of kunai clashing. No fire burning the tips of the stalks of grass. No earth rumbling beneath their feet. No voice from the sidelines, pointing out their flaws and offering them pointers to correct their stance.

Too quiet. Too empty.

But that was his reality.

There were many places in Konoha that Kakashi avoided, but the hospital was one place that he couldn't run away from forever. Just being in the vicinity of the hospital was enough to elicit goosebumps along the length of his arms. Before he even crossed the double doors of the hospital entrance, the strong smell of disinfection chemicals assaulted his nose. The scent was so strong that forced Kakashi to do a double take backwards, before he was shoved forward by someone behind him. The shinobi roughly slammed into his shoulder, sending another wave of pain coursing through his body, on his way into the hospital.

He was carrying a bleeding comrade on his back, shouting at anyone and everyone to get their attention. The civilians had enough sense to move out of the way of the man on a mission to save his comrade. A medic eventually moved to intercept him, eyes already assessing the condition of the injured comrade as the two of them hurried down the hall.

With the commotion gone, the onlookers returned to what they had been doing before, while Kakashi remained rooted to his position, completely at a loss of what to do next. His pain was what brought him to the hospital. Yet now that he was here, all Kakashi wanted to do was turn around, to forget that he'd even come here in the first place.

There were people everywhere. They were constantly moving around and about. So many people. So many faces. And Kakashi didn't recognize a single one of them.

Not that he should have a reason to recognize them, but there was that voice creeping into the back of his mind, whispering that she should have been here. She should have been here, striding down the hallway with a commanding aura. She should have been here, saving dozens and dozens of people from the brink of death. She should have been here, looking physically exhausted, yet with a small smile tugging on her lips after saving another life.

It should have been her. Not him.

There were a thousand reasons why Kakashi avoided the hospital like the plague, and this was the one that he would never voice out loud. This place reminded him too much of her. Although Kakashi had no memories of interacting with her at the hospital, his mind was quickly clouded by all those thoughts. All those "what could have been" if she was the one who had lived instead of him. In every future that his brain had unconsciously mapped out, she always ended up becoming a top medical ninja, respected by everyone at the Konoha Hospital.

In every future, she always ended up saving countless lives, while Kakashi only ever took. He'd never understood the smile on her face after mending together a near unrecoverable wound, because he'd only understood what it was like to attack. He couldn't feel the same relief that she did whenever she found a cure to their symptoms, because he only knew how to inflict.

His body began to tremble uncontrollably. Even with over a decade of training and an almost iron clad self control, Kakashi couldn't stop the shivers. His hand balled up tightly by his side, tips of his fingers digging harshly into the fabric of his gloves. The bottom of his jaw clenched, teeth mashing against each other.

There was that feeling again. The all too familiar feeling of the tightness in his chest, the dull, buzzing noise that filled his ears, the numbness that coated the entirety of his body while the world seemed to fade away. A choked noise escaped from his lips as Kakashi struggled to breathe, hands clawing desperately at things that he couldn't see. Cynical laughter filled his head, followed by a slew of taunting accusations. It was all of the same things that he heard over the years, of his father, of his stubbornness, of his failure, of his reputation as a friend killer.

Then he heard her voice. Her voice was much louder than the rest, drowning out the rest. But it was also her voice that always hurt him the most. Although she never said anything more than his name, it was her sharp tone that drove a kunai repeatedly into his heart.

"Kakashi." Her hands were on the kunai, pushing it further in.

"Kakashi." Blood dribbled from the corner of her lips.

"Kakashi!"

His eye snapped open. Her hands had been on his torso, shaking him desperately to break him out of his trance. That voice had been hers, only this time, it didn't belong to a Rin that was coming to haunt him in his dreams. It belonged to a Rin, that was still alive, still untainted by the horrors of war.

Kakashi jerked away from her touch, trying to put as much distance between himself and her, only to find that he had backed himself into a corner.

Rin. The Rin standing in front of him didn't even reach his shoulders, but her presence was suffocating. Despite being closed in by two walls and her, there were a thousand ways that Kakashi could have escaped with ease. But as his mind began to fully process that she was standing in front of him, and that this wasn't a figment of his imagination, Kakashi froze.

His mind flickered between the two versions of her. There was a hole in her chest, a bloody pool forming around her feet. Then there was Rin, standing before him without any injuries. She lifted her hand, bloody fingers ready to rip the Sharingan out of his eye socket. Then there was her hand, green chakra coating the tips of her fingers–

Kakashi jerked backwards again, as if he had anywhere to go.

"Kakashi?" Her voice was soft and sweet, much like the Rin that he remembered. Worry shone in her wide, innocent eyes. Her hands dropped to her side, knowing better than to try to touch him again.

Kakashi blinked. Rin was still there, unharmed.

"Are you injured?" He was. There were too many wounds, both physical and mental, to count. And no matter how skilled of a medic Rin was, some wounds just couldn't be healed.

"I'm fine," was all Kakashi managed to say. He didn't know why he was still here. When confronting Minato, it had been so easy to run away when Kakashi was asked a question that he didn't want to answer. With Minato, Kakashi somehow always found the strength to pull away, but with Rin–

He froze.

The corners of her eyes softened. "I know that's not true. You wouldn't be at the hospital otherwise." Just like when they were kids, Rin somehow had the uncanny ability to read both her teammates. Time didn't change a single thing.

"Will you let me heal you?"

No. Kakashi wasn't sure if he had blurted that out loud or not, but it didn't matter. Rin wasn't even focused on him anymore.

Kakashi had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts and emotions that he had been truly unaware of his surroundings. At some point, a group of onlookers had formed to watch the scene unfold between him and Rin. Civilians and shinobis stood among the crowd, exchanging quiet remarks underneath their breath. He didn't even need to hear them to know what they were talking about.

It was always the same thing.

Look at him. He's mentally unstable. Are you sure he's fit for shinobi duty?

That eye of his…he doesn't deserve it.

Did you hear? He's friend killer Kakashi.

Those whispers never bothered him much. It didn't matter what they said, when the only opinions that Kakashi cared about were from the people that were already dead.

But Rin, she didn't seem to share the same sentiment. Kakashi watched as she marched up to the group of onlookers, confronting the three shinobis that had been especially vocal in their disdain towards him. Kakashi watched as sweet, soft spoken Rin stood her ground in front of three adult shinobis, raising her voice to defend him.

"Don't talk about him like that. Kakashi would never kill his comrade!"

The shinobi scoffed. "But he did. He killed his teammate for the success of the mission." The shinobi jerked his head around, black eyes making contact with his comrades.

"Ask around. Everyone knows." His comrades began nodding along, corroborating his statement. Even Kakashi had nothing to refute.

Rin's eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you. There is no way that Kakashi would do anything like that."

"Why do you care so much, huh? Who is he to you?" the shinobi spat. "What, did he brainwash you into thinking he's innocent?"

"He's my friend!"

The entire exchange seemed so surreal to him. Not only was someone actually standing up for him, but it was Rin who was defending him. Gai would. Maybe Obito, if Kakashi didn't piss him off earlier that day. But Rin?

Rin was the one who broke up the fights, not get involved in them.

"Your friend? Oh yeah, just wait until he kills you too."

What bitter irony. Kakashi already did.

Rin was saying something back, but Kakashi wasn't listening anymore. His attention was already fixated on the shinobi's raised arm, fist already balled up, knuckles aiming at Rin's face. Logically, Kakashi knew that Rin could easily dodge the punch. However, all logical thoughts dissipated from his mind when all he could see was red. All he could hear was his rapidly pounding heartbeat and Obito's dying wish ringing in his head.

He moved.

His hand wrapped itself tightly around the shinobi's wrist. Twisting his arm behind his back, the sole of his foot planted itself onto the shinobi's back. He let out a pained yelp as he toppled forward, chin clipping the ground. An audible crack sounded. Kakashi released his arm, letting gravity send his broken limb careening to the ground.

The hospital suddenly became quiet. The shinobi rolled over onto his side, hisses of pain escaping from his lips. When his eyes locked with Kakashi's only visible one, he stopped his flailing movements. His mouth parted slightly, the insult dying in his throat.

His confidence from moments before, completely trampled and suppressed by the killing intent that filled the air.

"Don't touch her."

With that lingering threat, Kakashi grabbed Rin by the wrist and teleported away.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Kakashi paced angrily across the hospital rooftops. Fear, mixed with anger, clouded his judgment, temporarily making him forget that he was suppose to be avoiding her. That he long ago shut down the emotional compartment in his heart. That he had never raised his voice at her, much less snapped at her, when she was still alive because Kakashi had always been able to control his emotions.

Minato had successfully chipped away at his defenses, but Kakashi never allowed him to get too far. Rin somehow completely unraveled it, shedding away all the layers and layers of defenses that he so carefully erected. She unveiled the true him – his vulnerable self where Kakashi allowed fear to rule his actions.

For the first time since their deaths, Kakashi was scared.

"I couldn't let them continue saying those things about you. I know you're not like that, Kakashi." How could Rin have so much faith in him, in his character, when his younger self had proven time and time again that the mission was more important than anything else in the world? At this point in time, the Kanabi Bridge mission hadn't happened yet, Obito hadn't knocked some sense into his younger self, yet Rin was so willing to believe in him like it didn't contradict everything she knew about him.

Rin was too naive for this world. A twinge of guilt washed over him.

Kakashi shook his head sadly. "I am like that though. You don't know me."

There was that look again. That disapproving look that Rin always wore when she caught him or Obito lying about their injuries. Those eyes that always seemed to pierce right through their lies. He wondered if those eyes were seeing through him right now, seeing every despicable thing he had ever done, seeing how much of a failure he had been as the jonin captain of their team.

"You're right," Rin said softly. "I don't know the current you, but I know the past you. A lot of things could have changed over the years, but I know that a shinobi's values don't bend that easily. Your younger self acts like he doesn't care about his comrades, but I know he does."

The corners of her lips turned upwards into a sad smile. "Kakashi cried yesterday. He thought Obito and I were asleep, but I heard him. He cried…" Rin paused, wiping away the tears from the corner of her eyes with the back of her hand.

"He cried because you told us that everyone was dead."

And that, that statement knocked the breath out of him.

When Obito had succumbed to the falling rocks, there hadn't been any time for Kakashi to grieve. The Iwa enemy was still out to kill them. He distinctly remembered his mind going into overdrive, adrenaline taking over his body as he went toe-to-toe to face off against the enemy. At some point, he passed out and by the time he came to, the numbness had already settled in.

When he found his Chidori punched through Rin's heart, there had been tears. But those tears came from his damned left eye, from the cursed Sharingan. Those had been Obito's tears, crying in agony at what a disappointment and failure that Kakashi was to not even be able to keep such a simple promise.

Maybe he had shed a few tears of his own, but Kakashi didn't remember.

When the entire village was mourning Minato sensei's death, Kakashi found that there were no tears left within him to cry. At the funeral service, he'd slowly began to lock up every single compartment in his heart, swearing that he'd never let anybody else in again.

Did he even cry when he found his father's body?

"He's stupid," Kakashi muttered. They weren't even dead yet, so what did he have to cry about? If Kakashi didn't cry when he experienced their deaths, then his younger self surely wasn't justified to feel that way…right?

"He cares." As if that wasn't enough, Rin had to continue. "You still care. You tried to shut us out, but you didn't leave us behind in the forest. You don't want to see us, but you still let us stay at your place. You're scared of getting attached, but you're not running away from me anymore."

Rin was right. Why wasn't he running away? Why was he still here, willingly indulging in a conversation about whether or not he cared about his comrades? His body itched to get out of here; he'd already heard too much, said too much, done too much–

But before he could go, he felt a warm hand grab onto his. Her hands were much smaller than his, but the warmth was radiating, chasing away the icy feeling in his fingertips. This time, Kakashi didn't move.

"I'm not letting you go until I heal all of your injuries." The tone in her voice suggested that there was no room for argument. Not that Kakashi had any energy left to fight, all of that dissipated when he felt the familiar, soothing chakra seeping into his skin. It had been so long, so, so long since he felt such a comforting chakra signature, one that made him feel like everything would eventually be okay, even if he knew it wouldn't.

But temporarily Kakashi could pretend that it was.

Chapter Text

Kakashi didn’t care. He shouldn’t have cared. Yet his crumbled defenses left him too vulnerable, too guided by his emotions and Kakashi didn’t have the energy to stop it. The temptation to give in was tantalizing. No doubt those feelings were fueled by the fact that it was the first time in years that he had finally stopped hurting, finally stopped feeling the phantom pain ricochet across his body. 

Her healing chakra invaded every part of his body, stitching and mending back together his brokenness. Silence hung in between them, although Kakashi knew that there were endless questions at the tip of her tongue.

And unlike the questions that Obito or his younger self would ask, Rin didn’t want to know why he had the Sharingan or how they died or what had happened for him to end up like this. All she really wanted to know was if Kakashi was okay but even for such a simple question as that, Kakashi didn’t have an answer. 

Rin’s hands trembled as her palms hovered over Kakashi’s left eye. The deep slash that ran vertical down his eyelid had long scarred over, but every now and then, Kakashi still felt the searing pain. While he was glad that the lingering aches on every other part of his body was gone, this was the one that he couldn’t part with. He needed it to remain, to continue to serve as a vicious reminder of his mistakes. 

His fingers curled around Rin’s wrist. 

“You don’t have to heal it.” A throbbing sensation pulsed beneath his eyelid, it was Obito yelling at him for rejecting Rin’s kindness. 

“You’ve exhausted too much of your chakra.” As if on cue, the green glow of her chakra grew faint, flickering on and off, before sputtering out completely. Her hands fell limply to her side. The corner of her lips tugged into an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry I didn’t have enough chakra to heal you completely.” 

Nothing would ever be enough to heal him completely – he knew that he was broken beyond repair – but she had done enough. Rin had done more for him than she would ever know because his gratitude would forever remain a lump in his throat. 

He swallowed it. 

“Where’s the rest of your team?” was what Kakashi asked instead. 

“Probably the training grounds.” 

Then why are you here? That question was never voiced out loud. Although he wanted to know why she had been at the hospital, Kakashi couldn't know. He couldn’t allow himself to become burdened by the knowledge and start getting attached. 

Rin was going to say something else, but Kakashi interrupted her by suddenly rising to his feet. Stunned by his abrupt movement, the words remained unspoken. Kakashi motioned for her that it was time to get going and pointed vaguely in the direction of the training grounds. Although reluctant, Rin nodded before taking off towards the rooftop of the adjacent building. 

Kakashi followed, taking care to leave a certain distance in between them. Enough space in between them that he was too far away from Rin for her to talk to him, yet still close enough that he’d be by her side in a split second in case there was any danger. 

As if being alone with him wasn’t dangerous enough. 

Ahead, Kakashi spotted Rin’s slight misstep on the tree branch. The sole of her feet met thin air; gravity forced her forward. In a split second, Kakashi was there, body angled to catch her. Instinctively, her arms wrapped itself around his neck while the weight of her small body settled against his shoulder. 

“Sorry for being so clumsy.” 

“Stop saying sorry. I’m the one that owes you an apology,” Kakashi murmured underneath his breath. Kakashi wasn’t sure if Rin heard him or not, but he didn’t want to give her a chance to respond. 

“Just hold on,” was all Kakashi said before he darted forward. 

Rin protested, insisting that she could walk on her own and didn’t need to be carried. He ignored her protests; Rin was anything but clumsy. Tripping over their own feet was something that Obito did, not Rin. 

Despite her best attempt to hide it, Kakashi recognized the signs of chakra exhaustion settling in. A twinge of guilt blossomed in his chest; it was because of him that she had overexerted herself. But Rin had always been like that, always so kind, so giving, even when the other person didn’t deserve it. 

Kakashi inwardly berated himself for being so selfish, for taking so much of her chakra. He could have stopped her sooner, could have stopped her after she healed his shoulder, but he latched onto that bit of selfishness that remained in his heart because he didn’t want the moment to end. 

When it ended, all of his aches and pain would come hurtling back towards him. When it ended, he would have to face the reality that the only people that could heal him were forever gone. When it ended, Kakashi would be alone again. 

His heart clenched. 

Team Minato’s vibrant chakra signature was up ahead. There was Obito’s, always pulsing with so much energy and life. There was his younger self, so pure and untainted. Then there was Minato’s, so sunny and bright and comforting –

Only for that brightness to dim the moment Kakashi released a bit of his chakra into the vicinity. To this day, Kakashi was no match for his speed, and he knew no jounin of Minato’s caliber would take kindly to an abrupt appearance, so he had allowed a bit of chakra to slip  through his suppression as a friendly warning. 

Except that friendly warning was met with a hostile greeting. 

When Kakashi stepped down from the trees, without the obscurity of the shadows and leaves, he felt naked under Minato’s scrutinizing gaze. Undoubtedly the sight of seeing him with Rin triggered a thousand different thoughts in his mind. It was the barest of movements, the slightest twitch of his fingers near his kunai holster, but that didn’t escape Kakashi’s eye. 

Minato didn’t trust him. 

His sensei wasn’t the only one. Obito had been mid-spar with younger Kakashi, but Kakashi’s arrival had drawn his attention away from the spar and onto him. While younger Kakashi normally would have taken advantage of the distraction to hit Obito, even he was drawn to Kakashi’s sudden appearance. Curiosity and confusion was written all over the only visible parts of his face. 

Obito was anything but subtle, yelling while he charged at him. 

“What did you do to Rin?” 

“Obito–” Kakashi had heard Rin say, but her voice was drowned out by Obito’s much louder voice. 

“If you have a problem, then come after me! Don’t hurt Rin, you bastard!” 

Obito’s movements were agonizingly slow. It felt like he was moving in slow motion, affording Kakashi the misery of registering every step he took, of seeing the way he had drawn back his right arm, the way his fingers curled tightly into a fist. Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi saw Minato moving to intervene, knowing how badly this could end. 

There was more than enough time for Kakashi to move out of Obito’s trajectory. There was more than enough time for Kakashi to catch Obito’s punch, sweep him off balance, and pin him to the ground. 

For the second time that day, Kakashi froze. The trees disappeared, replaced with endless stalks of bamboo as far as his eyes could see. The grass was stripped out from beneath his feet, leaving him on packed dirt. Obito was shouting at him, and although no sound came out, his words rang loud and clear in Kakashi’s mind. 

The two versions of Obito played out in front of him, the side by side vision showed like mirror images of each other. Both of them charged at him, arm drawn back and fingers curled up into a fist. 

And both punches met its target with equal fervor. 

Both times, Kakashi stumbled backwards. Although this time Obito’s punch landed on his chest instead of his cheek, Kakashi’s head instinctively jerked to the side. Although this time Obito’s punch didn’t quite leave as much of a physical impact, it completely tore him apart on the inside. 

“Obito!” Rin jumped down from Kakashi’s shoulder, ripping away the last dredges of warmth in his body. “What are you doing?” 

Obito’s mouth parted open as he took a step backwards. Flabbergasted, Obito pointed a finger at Kakashi. “I, I, I didn’t think that I was actually going to land a hit! He’s a jounin, he should be able to dodge–!” 

And then Obito started rambling, redness crawling up his neck as he continued to sputter nonsensical excuses. It was so reminiscent of when Obito would arrive late to training and Kakashi would call him out on it and tear apart his explanations, while Obito fervently tried to defend himself. 

“You’re so reckless,” Rin chided. 

“What else was I suppose to think? I thought he hurt you!” 

“Obito!” He’d never heard Rin’s voice so fierce, so admonishing. Obito gulped. “No matter what, he’s still Kakashi. He would never hurt me.” 

But he did. 

Obito’s eyes widened. 

“Rin is right,” Minato chimed in. “Kakashi would never hurt his teammates. Isn’t that right, Kakashi?”

That wasn’t what Minato thought earlier when he tried to draw a kunai. 

It was younger Kakashi that answered. “Hmph.” His gaze was fixated on the ground, staring intently at a particular stalk of grass. It was younger Kakashi’s way of avoiding making eye contact with his teammates, his way of hiding the tinge of blush that crept beyond his mask. 

He cares. Rin’s words echoed in his mind. 

“Ano, I’m really sorry Bakashi.” Obito didn’t meet his gaze. Instead, his eyes were looking everywhere other than at him, while his hand rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

“I shouldn’t have punched you.” 

Minato added on. “I truly apologize for Obito’s actions.” 

Rin. Obito. Minato. Why were they apologizing to him? Kakashi didn’t deserve their apologies. If anything, he was the one that should have been saying sorry, should have been the one asking for their forgiveness for failing to protect them. He was the one who couldn’t fulfill Obito’s final promise of taking care of Rin. He was the one who couldn’t bring Rin back to the village alive. He was the one who let his sensei down, failing his mission to protect Kushina. 

Everything was his fault, so why were they apologizing? 

“Kakashi?” Minato.

Kakashi blinked, snapping out of his thoughts. 

“Thank you for taking care of Rin.” Minato smiled at him. His heart ached. “Did you want to join us for training?” 

The memories of when he first met Minato came rushing back, slamming into him like a tidal wave. He had been spying on Minato as he trained, wondering what was so great about this guy that had his father praising him, only for Minato to notice his presence. He’d done the same thing back then, smiled at him and then invited him for training. 

Last time, Kakashi said yes. 

This time, Kakashi ran.

The memorial stone was no longer his safe haven. Minato had already found him there once. Rin’s gravestone was too dangerous; he didn’t want them to stumble upon her future. Even though they knew she was dead, seeing it was entirely different than hearing about it. And out of everyone on the team, she was the least deserving of such a gruesome ending. Minato and Kushina’s graves weren’t options either; too many people visited them. The only time Kakashi could ever have them to himself, to properly grieve in silence, was in the dead of the night when the nightmares prevented him from closing his eyes. 

There were a thousand other places in Konoha that Kakashi could have gone to, but none of them brought the same level of comfort as the top of the Hokage mountain. He sat cross-legged on the Fourth Hokage’s engraving, staring blankly out at the sprawl of the village. From his vantage point, Konoha’s entire skyline was visible – the green tiled rooftop of his apartment building, the red, circular outline of the Hokage mansion, the faint glow of the sunset in the distance. Despite the bustling foot traffic of the market place on Konoha’s main street and the silhouette blurs of shinobi hopping across the rooftops, loneliness washed over him. 

The space next to him was noticeably empty. Although Kakashi didn’t always get to see him, there was always something that informed him he was there. Sometimes it would be the faint sound of Obito’s laughter ringing in his ears. Sometimes it was the weight of his hand resting on Kakashi’s shoulders, reassuring him in a way that no words ever could. 

And sometimes, when Kakashi was completely drained of his chakra reserves and had been running on sheer adrenaline for the past three days, he would see him. Obito was older, much older than the last memory Kakashi had of him. Wrinkled skin stretched across the right side of his face; his Konoha hitai-ate tilted to cover his right eye. He was dressed in Konoha’s greens and blues, proudly wearing Konoha’s standard uniform. His voice sounded much deeper as Obito jokingly remarked that Kakashi was copying his fashion style. 

No he wasn’t, Kakashi would fire back. He always insisted that it was Obito who was copying him, and not the other way around. And just like old times, the two of them fell into a friendly banter, arguing over nonsensical things, as they sat side by side overlooking the village that they dedicated their life to protect. 

Every time, Kakashi would be so caught up in his own genjutsu that he would actually allow himself to succumb to it, to believe that it was real. It was only when the last dredges of his chakra began to run dry did the illusion begin to flicker. It always started with a faint glow around Obito’s figure, before that light became brighter and brighter to the point where it completely washed out Obito. A blinding, white flash, and then nothingness. 

No one knew of his genjutsu prowess because Kakashi didn’t use it on his enemies; he used it on himself. Every time he gave into the indulgence of creating a vision of Team Minato’s future, Kakashi always deluded himself that he was seeking closure. Instead of healing, his old wounds would become undone. Instead of finding peace with himself, it only created more inner demons. Instead of being able to part with them, their ghosts haunted him. 

It was sheer torture, but Kakashi wasn’t able to live with himself any other way.

Kakashi lost track of time. At some point, his mental exhaustion settled in and pulled him under, only for the nightmares to jolt him awake. Weariness clung to the corner of his eye and fatigue seeped into every crevice of his body, but that wasn’t enough to force Kakashi to go back to sleep. 

He never wanted to see the sight of the falling boulders ever again. 

A full moon hung high, its brightness a stark contrast against the inky sky. Faint specks of stars splattered across the darkness. Below him, the village was illuminated by the many lanterns that were hung in front of every shop and the lampposts that stood proud and tall against the darkness. Although the usual liveliness of the village had waned with the sunset, there was the peaceful hum of their chakra signatures that filled Konoha with life.

Among the thousands of chakra signatures was Team Minato’s. By now, Team Minato would have returned to Kakashi’s apartment. The three kids would be asleep on Kakashi’s futon, with Kakashi and Obito’s bodies only pressed against half of the mat. At some point, Kakashi would roll over on his side, completely giving up the comfort and warmth of the blankets. The cold floor would cause him to shiver, but it wouldn’t be enough to wake him up. 

Meanwhile, Minato would lie down on the rooftops. Or perhaps today, Minato would choose to sleep next to his students, to provide a sense of security to his frightened students. In either case, Minato would undoubtedly be awake, ready to confront him the moment he entered the door. 

Kakashi wasn’t particularly in the mood to talk to him – when was he ever? – but there were a few things that he needed to grab for tomorrow’s mission. Team Minato’s abrupt appearance and his self assigned mission to avoid them whenever possible meant that Kakashi didn’t even have a home to return to anymore. Not that he even considered such a cold, empty place a home, but it was still a roof over his head and space to store his necessities. 

In the middle of the night was his best chance to sneak in and out with minimal interaction with the ghosts of his past. 

To his surprise, it wasn’t Minato that was waiting for him. It was his younger self, hunched over the kitchen table in the darkness. His feet dangled from the chair, legs not yet long enough to touch the ground. The side of his face was pressed against the crook of his arm, eyes closed. He unconsciously shivered when a gust of wind slipped through the small crack of the open window. 

Kakashi crossed the living room in two steps, pulling the window shut. The creak of the window sounded deafening in the silence of the room, but the slight noise only caused young Kakashi to stir slightly. On his way back to the kitchen, he unconsciously swiped a blanket from his couch. Before Kakashi even processed what he was doing, the blanket was already draped over young Kakashi’s shoulders. Unconsciously, young Kakashi’s hands moved to grab the fraying edges, pulling the fabric tight around him.

As if seeing himself wasn’t already weird enough, Kakashi’s gaze fell onto a bowl sitting in the center of the table. Whatever was in the contents of the bowl had already long grown cold, but curiosity pulled him closer. A sticky note was plastered on the lid. 

Eggplant miso soup! Warm it up if you are hungry. 

Rin’s handwriting, but definitely Minato’s handiwork. Ever since Minato discovered that was his favorite soup, it became his go to meal to make whenever he sensed Kakashi wasn’t in a good mood. 

Not in a good mood was certainly an understatement for his current predicament, but just seeing the simplistic gesture never failed to cheer him up, even if only briefly. Kakashi took a seat at the kitchen table, eye darting back and forth between his sleeping self and the bowl of soup. 

Young Kakashi would have drank it without hesitation. He would have drank it so quickly that Minato would barely get a brief glimpse of his face before the mask was back on. Then he would thank him and escape from the kitchen before Minato could ask him what was wrong. Although Minato never got his answers, Kakashi always caught the smile stretched across his lips before he left the room. 

Kakashi pushed the bowl towards young Kakashi, the bottom of the bowl scraping noisily against the wooden surface of the table. The noise was enough to jerk young Kakashi awake. His eyes were wide and filled with a mixture of grogginess and confusion, while his body had already jumped into battle formation. 

When his gaze landed on Kakashi, his body tensed. 

“What are you doing here?” 

With his only visible eye, Kakashi shot him a deadpan look. Young Kakashi must have realized that it was a stupid question because he didn’t bother pressuring for a response. Instead, he sat back down in the seat across from him, never fully letting his guard down. 

Two fingers touched the rim of the bowl, pushing it back towards the center of the table. Kakashi stared at it. 

“It’s for you,” young Kakashi murmured so quietly that Kakashi almost missed it, even in spite of the complete silence of their surroundings. “Minato sensei made it for you.” 

Kakashi continued to stare. His continued silence began to agitate young Kakashi.

“Look, it’s there if you want it. If you don’t want it, then fine. Just do whatever you came here to do and then leave. Because that’s what you were planning on doing anyways, isn’t it? Every time you show up, you’re always itching to leave.” His younger self was rambling; Kakashi never rambled unless he was extremely frazzled. He never knew meeting himself would rattle him so much. 

“You always have that look in your eye.” 

“What look?” Call it morbid curiosity for wanting to know what others saw of him.

“It’s different depending on who you’re looking at,” young Kakashi confessed quietly. “With Minato sensei, it’s longing. With Obito, it’s regret. With Rin, it’s fear. With me, it’s disappointment.” 

Disappointment. What an understatement. 

“What happens in the future?” Hesitation was laced in every syllable. Kakashi pretended not to hear him, instead, choosing to duck his head downwards. With his right hand, he picked up the bowl, while his left yanked down the mask. His lips briefly touched the rim of the bowl, before Kakashi tipped the bowl. Cold, salty broth assaulted his taste buds. And just as quickly as he’d pulled down his mask, his mask was already back in its rightful place before young Kakashi could even clear his throat. 

Kakashi lifted his head and was greeted by the sight of confusion morphed on his younger counterpart’s face. 

Young Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest, lips jutting outwards in a small pout underneath his mask. “You didn’t have to drink cold soup just to avoid my question. You know it doesn’t taste as good when it’s cold.” 

Kakashi didn’t need to be told that; he knew better than anyone. After his sensei’s death, he had been the one to clean out the Namikaze house, and that included everything in the fridge. Minato wasn’t the best cook – he had a bad tendency to oversalt things – but there was a particular kind of warmth in his cooking that Kakashi couldn’t find anywhere else. 

“The last time I had Sensei’s soup, it was the night before his funeral.” The words slipped out of his mouth before Kakashi could stop them. “It was the only thing left in his fridge. The soup was meant for Kushina, but–” 

But Kushina never had the chance to drink it. 

So Kakashi drank it on her behalf. In the darkness of the kitchen, Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to heat it up to the scalding temperature that he always liked. He didn’t want to feel the way the heat of the soup warmed up his entire body, relaxing the tensions in his muscles. It would remind him too much of the people he had just lost and it wasn’t fair that he was still here and they weren’t–

“Tell me what happens in the future.” Young Kakashi stood up from his seat, his shadow looming menacingly over the kitchen table, as if that was suppose to intimidate Kakashi. 

“No.” One simple word was enough to rile up his younger self to the point that he had forgotten that the rest of Team Minato was asleep in the next room over.

“Why the hell not? They’re still alive! We have a chance to change the future so that none of this has to happen.” 

“You don’t even care about them, so why does it matter to you?” His words were direct and vicious, cutting straight to the point. Despite the harshness of the truth, young Kakashi had the audacity to look offended. 

“I do care,” young Kakashi hissed. “Clearly, I care more than you ever did since all you do is run away every chance you get.” 

“You forget that I’m you.” 

“No you’re not. There’s no way I would ever be like you.” 

A mirthless chuckle escaped from Kakashi’s lips. 

“If you had to choose between saving Obito and Rin and the mission, which one would you choose?” 

Young Kakashi’s eyes widened. A moment of consideration wasn’t even needed. The answer was already there at the tip of his tongue, but young Kakashi forced it back down because it would only prove Kakashi’s point. 

Kakashi took it one step further. 

“And if killing your teammates was the mission? What would you do?” 

Blood drained from young Kakashi’s face. The trembles began with his hands, before the tremors overtook his entire body. Deafening silence. 

And then a breathless whisper, “You killed them?”

Chapter Text

Not even sparring with Obito could get rid of his pent up frustration. Every punch and kick was backed with his raging emotions, and consequently, his movements were sloppier than they had been in years. Luckily, Obito had been far too stumped by Kakashi’s abnormal behavior to take advantage of those openings, but if Kakashi had been fighting a real enemy, he would have been dead twenty minutes ago. 

From the corners of his eyes, he spotted Rin’s eyes shining with concern. He saw Minato sensei’s arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed in disapproval as he watched his student’s sad excuse of a spar. Yet he said nothing, simply watching in silence as Kakashi attempted to unleash his frustrations, while Obito attempted to dodge his erratic and chaotic movements. 

“Bakashi, what’s wrong with you today? This isn’t normally how you fight!” Obito grunted out in between another series of kicks and punches. Kakashi didn’t deem Obito worthy of a verbal response, and instead rewarded him with a sweep of his lightning coated kunai. Obito ducked and rolled to the side right as Kakashi slammed a foot down on the ground where he had been seconds before. 

Obito sprang to his feet, fingers moving to perform the hand seals to his signature movement. As the fireball left his mouth, Kakashi’s hands were already slamming against the ground. The dirt rumbled beneath his feet, before a mud wall surfaced. 

Fire and earth clashed. 

Despite the scorching heat and thick smoke emanating from Obito’s jutsu, Kakashi hardly missed a beat when he spun on the heels of his feet, kunai raised to block Obito’s ambush. The sound of metal rang out as the two met each other blow for blow. 

The spar ended with a tie and with Kakashi no less frustrated than he was before. He plopped down in the shade next to Rin, murmuring his thanks as she handed him a bottle of water. Turning his head away, he quickly pulled down his mask before emptying the contents of the bottle. By the time Obito joined them in the shady patch beneath the tree, Kakashi’s mask was already back in place. 

“Something is wrong with Bakashi today because what the hell was that?” Obito grumbled to Rin, as if Kakashi wasn’t sitting right to them. Maybe Obito had meant for Kakashi to hear, but once again, Kakashi did not give rise to his goading. 

As always, Rin played mediator. 

“This situation isn’t easy for him to accept.” When Rin saw Obito’s affronted look, she quickly amended her statement. “It’s not easy for any of us. This future isn’t one that anyone wanted, including Kakashi.” 

Sure, except for Anbu Kakashi, who was being stubbornly tight-lipped about the future. Of course, Kakashi learned a few things from their conversation last night, but it left him with more questions than answers. It left him tossing and turning all night, wondering if he was the reason why his team was dead. 

As much as Kakashi valued the mission, he didn’t think he would ever stoop so low as to kill his comrades. But Anbu Kakashi’s lack of answer towards such a simple yes or no question made his belief waver. Combined with Rin sharing the details of her run-in with Anbu Kakashi at the hospital yesterday, and the names that she heard the villagers call him…Kakashi wondered if he had truly become the monster that everyone claimed him to be. 

Even his future self didn’t seem interested in refuting it. 

Kakashi hadn’t even realized he was balling his fists tightly by his side until he felt Rin’s hands on his, her fingers slowly prying his hand open. Worry shimmered in her dark eyes. 

“You’re hurting yourself.” Kakashi ducked his head in shame, while Rin healed his self-inflicted wound. 

“I know what you’re thinking about,” Rin murmured softly, knowing that the last thing Kakashi wanted was Obito to overhear their heart-to-heart conversation. “I believe in you. Both you now and in the future. You wouldn’t do anything like that.” 

And despite Rin’s best efforts, Obito still overheard her anyway. “Yeah Bakashi! Rin is right. You might be a cold bastard sometimes, but I know when it comes down to it, you’re dependable.” In any other situation, Kakashi would have capitalized on the rare moment that Obito complimented him, but the gravity of their current reality weighed down on him. He couldn’t even muster the energy to smirk. 

Kakashi flinched when his sensei suddenly appeared by his side, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Just remember that none of this has happened yet.” 

We can still change the future. 

If only it was that easy. Even if they knew the details of what went wrong, which they didn’t, there were still so many unknown variables. Just like how their presence was already impacting the future in ways they didn’t even know. 

As if right on cue, the Third Hokage strolled into the clearing, undoubtedly surrounded by his Anbu guards hiding in the trees. Upon his entrance, Team Minato sprang to their feet, already bowing over to greet him. 

Hiruzen waved them off. “No need to be so formal.” 

“Hiruzen sama, what brings you here?” 

“I sent Kakashi out on a mission today.” Team Minato knew. The only reason why he had even come back last night was to grab his Anbu gear. “I trust that you’ll keep yourself out of trouble even without his supervision.” 

Obito scoffed. As if Anbu Kakashi had even been keeping an eye on him. 

“Hai, I assure you that there won’t be any more trouble.” 

Hiruzen drew a puff of smoke. “Good. The incident at the hospital yesterday caused quite a stir. Fortunately, we were able to keep it under wraps, but let’s see to it that it doesn’t happen again. Kakashi can be quite…” Here, Hiruzen trailed off, contemplating the correct word to describe him. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but instantly retracted it when his gaze fell upon Kakashi. 

“Are the rumors true then?” In the moment, Kakashi cared more about the truth than whether or not he was offending the Third Hokage. “Did he really kill a comrade?” He took a step forward, but Minato sensei’s arm shot outwards to stop him. Subtly, he was shaking his head, body language indicating it wasn’t a good idea to make any threatening moves in front of the Hokage’s guards. 

As an eleven year old chuunin could truly threaten a Hokage. 

“I’m afraid that’s not something I can answer.” 

Kakashi gritted his teeth. Why was it so damn hard to get a straight answer from everyone? It had taken every ounce of self control to stop himself from punching the nearest tree with his half finished lightning jutsu. 

Despite his teammates’ constant assurance throughout the rest of the day that Anbu Kakashi wasn’t the cold-hearted killer that everyone made him out to be, the sinking feeling in his stomach remained ever present.

While Team Minato was half way through dinner, Anbu Kakashi stumbled into his apartment, clearly favoring his right side. Blood coated up to the elbow of his right arm, the fresh blood still dripping from the tips of his glove. Splotches of redness were splattered over the plating of his Anbu armor, and there were a few scratches here and there, but overall, he wasn’t worse off than when they first encountered him in the woods. 

But no matter the size of the injury, Rin’s medic instincts always kicked in. She was the first member to jump to her feet, hands already reaching out to heal Anbu Kakashi. At her sudden proximity, Anbu Kakashi jerked backwards, as if he had been shocked by lightning. Rin’s steps faltered. 

“Hey!” Obito shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Anbu Kakashi. “Rin is only trying to help. Stop being stubborn and let her help you!” 

Silently, Kakashi agreed with him. 

Rin reached out to him again, but Anbu Kakashi side-stepped her second attempt as well. For the first time since he entered the apartment, he raised his head, his only visible eye making contact with hers. A mixture of emotions swirled in his dark eye, but there was one that seemed to trump it all. 

Fear. 

“The blood isn’t mine.” And then Anbu Kakashi was gone, leaving droplets of blood in his wake. Team Minato continued their dinner in silence, the quiet atmosphere broken up by the creak of the shower turning on to wash away all of the enemy blood. 

Obito gulped. “That’s a lot of blood, sensei. Is that what being a jounin is like?” 

Minato’s eyes softened. He reached over the table, lightly patting Obito’s head. “Sometimes, it’s either you or them. If you show any mercy, you’ll be the one to die.” 

From the moment they decided to become shinobi, killing someone else had always been a real possibility. Up until now, their team had been shielded from having to make their first kill, mostly because Minato had always taken care of it before it ever came down to it. Obito’s hands were still pure. Rin’s were meant to heal. Kakashi’s had been tainted by a mission gone wrong, but his own wasn’t quite as bloody as sensei’s or Anbu Kakashi’s. 

Anbu Kakashi’s hands were drenched in the blood of countless victims. 

The small voice in the back of his head wondered if Obito and Rin were among them.

Sneaking into the Hokage archives in the middle of the night hadn’t been Kakashi’s greatest plan, but it was the only way he could find out the truth. The last few nights he had been riddled with insomnia, but he had never felt better than before. With his heart thumping loudly in his ears and adrenaline coursing through his veins from the anticipation that he was finally going to learn the truth, there was an extra fervor in his steps as he streaked across the rooftops. The chilly wind nipped at his exposed skin, yet the chills that settled in had nothing to do with the temperature. 

The truth was a double edged sword. In one way, it would clear up all of his doubts. On the contrary, it could solidify the very thing that Kakashi was afraid of. Those thoughts swarm through his mind throughout the rest of their silent dinner and wouldn’t leave him alone no matter how hard he tried to distract himself. It was always pulsing in the forefront of his mind, seeping through every crevice of his thoughts until all he could think about was his desire to know the truth. 

Kakashi easily slipped through the crack of the open window on the third floor, landing quietly. He crouched down, surveying the long, endless hallways on both sides for any signs of movement. Nothing in vicinity other than the shadows that seemed to stretch endlessly. 

He crept forward, holding his breath, afraid that the smallest of noises was going to give away his location in a building that was guarded by the Hokage’s most elite guards.

Nothing happened. Kakashi took another step forward, this time with much more confidence. And step by step Kakashi inched along with his back pressed against the wall, eyes darting furtively in the dark, senses on high alert in anticipation of someone jumping out at him. After an agonizingly long fifteen minutes, which felt much longer than it had been in reality, Kakashi finally reached the entrance of the Hokage archives. 

The room wasn’t guarded because there was no need. There was a hidden seal on the door, no doubt his sensei’s handiwork, and it was one that could only be released by those who were authorized to be there. Kakashi wasn’t one of those people, but if Anbu Kakashi was one of the Third Hokage’s trusted men, then he certainly had to be right? 

His breath hitched as the sealing formula on the door began to glow in reaction to his chakra. The bright glow quickly died down before a telltale sound of a lock clicking sounded. Kakashi’s fingers curled around the door handle, pushing it downwards. The door creaked. He hurriedly slipped inside, shutting the door behind him. 

Kakashi had done it. Never had he thought his half-formulated plan would actually work, but since it did…

He was going to make the most of it. There were shelves and shelves of scrolls and files and books spreading across the expansive room. His eyes were wide in awe as he strolled from shelf to shelf, reading the labels of what each section was. Forbidden jutsu scrolls. Banned history books. Top secret village information. And finally, the mission archives. 

The mission archives were sorted into two sections. One section was for active shinobis, while the other was for retired or dead shinobis. The organization of the retired and dead shinobi wasn’t as well maintained, with random pieces of paper sticking out of their folders, and the files dumped in a haphazard manner. The active shinobi section, however, was the epitome of organization. First, by rank, and then by name. As tradition, the copy of the mission report would be stored in the file of the mission leader’s archive, but instead of heading over to Minato sensei’s, morbid curiosity washed over Kakashi. 

His feet took him over to Anbu Kakashi’s archive. 

The first thing he noticed about the file was that it was thick. Even in comparison to the files of the other jounins, his file was twice as thick, if not triple the size. And to top it off, Kakashi knew that the majority of his missions up until now had been led by Team Minato, so the accumulation of mission reports was undoubtedly within the last few years. Anbu Kakashi wasn’t any older than twenty – Kakashi knew that with certainty – so somehow in less than ten years, Anbu Kakashi racked up a mission history that was thicker than most shinobis would ever achieve in their lifetime. 

Kakashi gulped. He reached to pick up the folder. Under the weight of the mission files, his arms trembled. The pad of his thumb hooked underneath the covering and flipped it open. 

The first page was his shinobi profile. His eyes skimmed over the page, absorbing the information quickly. There was no way that his profile was fake, but even reading some of the accomplishments and stats shocked him to the point where Kakashi wondered if his eyes were playing tricks on him. 

Jounin, age 12. Less than a month away. Kakashi was due to take the jounin exams, and while he had confidence in his skills, he didn’t harbor the hope that he actually would pass on the first try. 

Anbu, age 14. Appointed by Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze. He didn’t know much about the Anbu Black Ops, only that they were an elite group of shinobis known for primarily protecting the Hokage, but Kakashi suppose that if Minato sensei asked, then there was no reason for him to turn it down. 

Everything else on his profile didn’t surprise him, until the stats of the number of missions he had taken jumped out at him. Kakashi thrived on taking missions; he had nothing else to do otherwise, but in recent years, Team Minato was mostly assigned to C ranked missions, along with the occasional B ranked mission. There was one time that their team had accidentally gotten mixed up on an A ranked mission, but–

The number of A and S ranked missions jumped off the page. The amount was exceedingly high, and certainly not normal. 

Even Minato sensei didn’t go on this many S ranked missions because everyone knew that S ranked missions had a reputation for being suicidal missions. 

Twenty five. Anbu Kakashi had completed twenty five and was still alive. Kakashi didn’t know whether that fact was meant to comfort or scare him. 

Kakashi flipped past his profile page to his mission profile. There was the occasional C ranked mission that he led without Minato’s presence, but none of those were noteworthy. He kept sifting through until he landed on the Kannabi Bridge mission. 

His first mission as jounin leader. All he needed to see was the “number of casualties: one” for him to hone in on the mission details. The whole time Kakashi read the mission report, the paper trembled uncontrollably. The way that everything was described in the report seemed to be a routine mission: they encountered an Iwa shinobi, Team Minato took them out and continued towards the bridge. Chills crept down his spine when he had gotten to the part where Minato had split from their group. 

From there, everything had gone downhill. Although the report was written in a factual manner, completely devoid of any emotions, especially when mentioning Obito’s death, Kakashi’s brain automatically connected the pieces for him. A tidal wave of feelings coursed through, a multitude of emotions that Kakashi hadn’t even known he was still capable of feeling. All of these feelings elicited for a boy that annoyed him on a daily basis, that he was always bickering with, that he hardly respected–

Anbu Kakashi’s words suddenly made sense. 

If you had to choose between saving Obito and Rin and the mission, which one would you choose?

It hadn’t been a hypothetical question meant to throw him off kilter. It had been a real life scenario that Anbu Kakashi had to face and Kakashi had arrogantly dismissed it thinking that he’d never end up in that situation. Only for Obito’s death to end up on his conscience. 

In less than a month, Obito was going to die. 

The truth hit, and it hit so hard that for the next few minutes, all Kakashi could do was stare blankly at the damned mission report, eyes drinking in the few sentences detailing Obito's death. Over and over again until the kanji was imprinted into his memories, to the point where even time would not let him forget. 

Obito died to save him, the person to least deserve it. 

Unknowingly, a tear slipped from the corner of his eye. Kakashi hadn’t even known it until the droplet splashed onto the old mission report, smudging the ink on Obito’s name. He tucked the mission report away, quickly burying it among the other mundane reports as if that would change the reality of Obito’s future. 

His fingers stopped when he reached a mission report that had the kanji “FAILED” stamped in bold, red ink. Among all of the reports that Kakashi had flipped through, this had been the first that ended up with a failed outcome. Instinctively, Kakashi knew this was one was worth reading; something must have gone so wrong so badly that would result in this outcome–

The paper was snatched from his fingers. Kakashi’s head snapped outwards, the words already at the tip of his tongue to chew out the intruder, but immediately died when he saw Anbu Kakashi staring back at him. With the height difference between them, just his presence alone seemed to loom menacingly over him, even if he wasn’t even trying to exert any intimidation. 

Anbu Kakashi hardly seemed surprised that Kakashi was here. Instead, his eye flickered between the mission report, Kakashi’s face, and the other stack of papers. 

“You already know what happens to Obito. Are you sure you still want to read this?” 

The bottom of his jaw quivered. “Is it Rin?” 

Anbu Kakashi didn’t need to verbally confirm or deny, the swirling emotions in his dark eye informed him everything he needed to know. Rin’s death. 

Fueled by the need to know, Kakashi snatched the paper from Anbu Kakashi’s hands. Surprisingly, he didn’t even try to put up a fight. Instead, he simply resigned to sitting on the floor. Anbu Kakashi pulled his legs up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, and chin resting on top of his knees. 

Kakashi lowered himself onto the ground, having a sinking feeling that he wouldn’t want to be standing for this. Just seeing how defeated Anbu Kakashi looked wasn’t boding well at all. 

Just like the Kannabi Bridge mission report, everything in the report started off fairly normal. When the mission detailed Rin getting captured, and knowing that there was no Obito there with them this time, Kakashi knew everything was about to go horribly wrong.

And horribly wrong it did. 

Kakashi didn’t believe in the glimmer of hope he’d been given when he saw that he had successfully tracked down Rin’s location and broken her out of captivity. With bated breath, Kakashi continued to read, already dreading the part where everything went to hell. 

A Chidori through her chest. Kakashi felt like he’d been electrocuted with the power of three hundred million of volts as he read the sentence over and over again. The report mentioned that Rin had jumped in front of the trajectory, but Kakashi had chosen to ignore that part in favor of the fact that it was his hand through her heart. It was his jutsu that killed her. It was her blood on his hands. 

Mission failed. A simple mission to escort Rin to one of Konoha’s medic camps, and Kakashi had killed her. 

Kakashi dropped the mission report like the paper burned his fingertips. Anbu Kakashi was the one who picked it up from the floor, tucking it neatly in its rightful place, before snapping the folder shut. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He couldn’t stop the tremble in his voice, or the way his question was accompanied by a choked sob. 

“You wouldn’t have believed me unless you saw it for yourself.” 

Kakashi felt like he had just been punched in the stomach because that was the truth. Even if Anbu Kakashi told him that he had killed Rin, Kakashi would have been in adamant denial.

Anbu Kakashi closed his eye. “It’s been years, but every time I close my eyes, I can still see them. Sometimes, it’s Obito. Sometimes, it’s Rin. Sometimes, it’s Minato sensei and Kushina. On the bad days, I see everyone.”

Kakashi remained silent. What could he say?

“Even now when I see them, I still think it’s their ghosts coming to haunt me.” 

“They’re alive,” Kakashi insisted. “They’re alive.” 

“Temporarily.” Kakashi opened his mouth to argue, but his counterpart cut him off. “They’re here now, but when you leave, all that will be left is their graves and my nightmares. You’ll still have them, and maybe you’ll even get a chance to change their future, but it’s too late for me.” 

Anbu Kakashi shook his head sadly. “It’s too late.” 

For the first time since they met, Anbu Kakashi didn’t try to run away. Instead, he hung his head in complete resignation, grief visibly present in his body language. Kakashi was at a loss of what to do; he’d never been the best at comforting people, nor did he ever need anyone to comfort him. Minato always tried by patting his shoulder, or sometimes ruffling his hair, but Kakashi was way too short to do that. 

The most he could offer was his presence, but Kakashi doubted that his presence was the one that Anbu Kakashi really needed right now. Minato sensei would know what to do, Rin would know what to say, and heck even Obito might be a better option than him right now. But after everything he found out tonight, Kakashi couldn’t simply walk away. His counterpart was breaking on the inside, and there was no one to piece him back together–

Fuck it. Kakashi wrapped his arms around Anbu Kakashi’s torso. His body immediately tensed upon his touch, but a few seconds later, the muscles in his body began to relax. Kakashi hugged him tighter, wordlessly conveying his sympathy for everything that he had gone through and apologizing for completely uprooting his life. 

Kakashi didn’t let go, not even when the first drops of their tears both spilled on each other’s clothes. It wasn’t until Kakashi felt Anbu Kakashi returning his hug did the reality of his teammates’ death settle in. 

The tears wouldn’t stop.

Chapter Text

“Bakashi, you’re late!” 

Young Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest, mumbling something underneath his breath that suspiciously sounded like “It’s all other Kakashi’s fault.” 

Kakashi scoffed. Sure, they had taken the longer route to avoid the Hokage’s guards, but whose idea was it to sneak into the Hokage archives? It wouldn’t have been a problem if he’d been by himself; no one ever questioned his presence, but his younger self shouldn’t have been there. And he hardly trusted him to get out of the Hokage Tower alone without getting caught. 

“Where were you last night anyways?” Obito pressed, jabbing his index finger in young Kakashi’s direction. 

“That’s none of your business.” 

And sure enough, that response was enough for them to start bickering again. Kakashi took that as his cue to leave; his self-imposed mission to reunite his younger self with the rest of Team Minato was completed. Only as Kakashi started turning to leave, a soft voice stopped him to his tracks. 

“Kakashi?” Rin. She hesitantly took a step forward. Kakashi remained rooted to his position. 

“Did you want to join us for training?” 

Kakashi scoured the clearing. There were a few stray shurikens laying on the grass. A few upturned rocks too, but so far, it looked to have been a light training session in Kakashi’s absence. Minato’s presence was noticeably absent. 

“Where’s your sensei?” 

“He has a meeting with the Third Hokage. He wanted Obito and I to start some light training while we waited for Kakashi.” Rin paused, gaze shifting between the ground and his feet before she gathered the courage to look him straight in the eye. She cleared her throat. “We wanted to invite you for training.” 

No response. His silence must have made her uncomfortable because she hurriedly started to fill the awkwardness with an explanation that Kakashi didn’t ask for. “I mean, you are Kakashi’s future self. I’m sure you’ve learned a lot of jutsus that you could teach him and even though your fighting style is different from Obito and I’s, you probably know something you can show us, right? It’s just that Sensei is so busy trying to find us a way home and you’re the only one who knows that we’re here other than the Hokage, so we were hoping you could mentor us?” 

Rin clasped her hands together. “Please? I know Obito and Kakashi will appreciate it, even if they won’t show it.” 

“Minato sensei is working on finding a way home?” Kakashi repeated. After the words left his mouth, it finally hit him how stupid his question had sounded. In the back of his mind, he always knew that Team Minato was going to leave. He knew that any shinobi in their right mind would begin looking for a way back home from the first moment they could. It wasn’t like Kakashi made much of an effort to stick around Team Minato all day; he wasn’t exactly privy to the details of what they had been up to in the past few days. 

Of course Minato was looking for a way home. 

There was still a war going on, Kushina was probably worried sick wondering where Team Minato was, and Kakashi was sure the rest of them wanted nothing more than to desperately escape this hellhole called the future.

Rin must have sensed that she said something wrong because guilt was etched across her face. The apology was already at the tip of her tongue, except she didn’t even know what she was apologizing for. 

“I have to go.” Kakashi needed to get the hell out of here before he asked any more stupid questions, like how much longer Team Minato was staying. That information would have too much power over him and would keep him wrapped in a chokehold all day. 

Before Rin could protest, Kakashi disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Fifteen minutes after the beginning of his shift, Kakashi had shown up, landing so softly in the trees that his sudden appearance spooked Cat so much that he almost fell out of the tree. With his quick reflexes and a little help of his Mokuton, Cat quickly regained his balance. A deadly glare was shot in his direction, while his hands moved angrily. 

You’re late.

Kakashi shrugged in response. He swapped positions with Cat, affording him the best vantage point to the entrance of the Uchiha compound. 

Any movement?

Cat shook his head, giving him the all clear sign. Kakashi dismissed him. In a split second Cat was already gone, probably having been itching to leave since fifteen minutes ago. After all, a long six hour shift, crouching in the shadows of the trees to watch the Uchiha clan wasn’t any of their idea of an exciting mission. But they were Anbu, and Anbu shinobi completed their missions without complaint. 

On the lucky days, they would be watching the Uchiha clan’s movements through the binoculars in the Konoha watchtower. It still wasn’t the most glamorous of missions, but at least they were shielded from the sticky humidity and heat and could actually make small conversation to pass time. Out here, there was usually only one of them on watch – the Uchiha clan was too skilled for them to station more and get away unnoticed. Even though he was the only one in the vicinity, Kakashi could still feel eyes drilling on the back of his head. 

Laughter filled his ears as a group of three Uchiha children chased each other down the street. Two women followed behind them, smiles on their faces as they chatted animatedly with each other. On occasion, their gaze would flicker to the children, to make sure they were still within their line of sight. The group of five turned into the Uchiha compound, disappearing from his line of sight. 

His attention latched onto the next person that was leaving the compound, a teenage boy, with a hitai-ite wrapped around his forehead and the leather of his sword holster secured across his flak jacket. He headed in the direction of main Konoha, most likely on his way for a mission. 

In and out. All morning long, Kakashi watched the influx of people going in and out of the Uchiha compound. Most of them were Uchihas, with the occasional civilian in the mix, but there were rarely any other shinobis. And if there were, then it was Kakashi’s job to document it. What the leaders did with that information, Kakashi didn’t care to know. If there was one thing that Kakashi learned in the Anbu, it was that the more he remained detached, the easier it was to get the job done. 

After all, the notion of spying on Konoha’s own people didn’t settle well with him. 

There were many familiar faces, yet Kakashi didn’t have any names to associate them to. These faces Kakashi had long committed to memory, after having seen them over a dozen times throughout his many shifts. It had gotten to the point where Kakashi had begun to memorize some of their routines, like that grandfather who would always go to the market at ten in the morning, or like the two Academy aged kids that were always running late to their first lesson. There was always that man who waited for his wife to return home from a night shift at the hospital and there was also the grandmother who patiently waited by the entrance everyday for her dead grandson to come home. 

Once a prominent and respected clan in Konoha now cast aside, doused in suspicion for their potential involvement in the Kyuubi attack. If Obito was still alive, then there was no way he would sit idly by and accept the Uchiha’s current situation–

Kakashi’s head snapped upwards when he felt a familiar chakra signature pricking at his senses. Despite his best attempt to hide his chakra signature, Obito was still twelve and had the stealth of a chunin. His best attempt at suppressing his chakra signature still allowed his chakra to spill out, as if it was beckoning everyone to notice his presence. 

Leaving a clone to stand guard, Kakashi hopped down from the trees and teleported to Obito’s side. Before Obito could even react, Kakashi already grabbed the back of his collared shirt and yanked him far away from the Uchiha compound. Once they arrived at their destination, in some clearing deep in the forest, Kakashi released his hold on Obito’s shirt. The abrupt stop, combined with the travel’s momentum sent Obito sprawling unceremoniously onto the forest floor. 

An indignant “what the f-” escaped from Obito’s mouth before the impact against the ground knocked the air out of him. Kakashi stood over him, arms crossed over chest. He stared down at Obito as the boy scrambled to his feet.

“What the hell was that?” The words came out before Obito could even process who was standing before him. Blood drained from his face as he took in Kakashi’s appearance. His Anbu issued mask covered his face and he was donning the traditional Anbu cloak to mask the color of his hair. 

Realization settled in. Obito had seemed to finally understand he had landed himself in a bad situation, and his first instinct was to bolt. Only, Kakashi had been faster and intercepted him. Obito stumbled backwards, eyes darting furtively to search for another escape route. 

“What is your business at the Uchiha compound?” 

Under normal circumstances, Obito most certainly would have shouted at the top of his lungs that he was a Uchiha himself and proudly pointed to the Uchiha crest on the back of his shirt. But in an effort to remain nondescript, he’d gotten rid of his Uchiha clan shirt and traded it out for civilian garb. Obito even attempted to henge himself, although the henge was fading in and out along with the ripples of his emotions.

Obito gulped. “I was visiting a friend.”

At least Obito still had enough sense to keep his identity unknown. However, if it had been anyone else that had caught him, he would have earned himself a one way ticket to the undergrounds of T&I already. 

These days, one did not simply visit the Uchihas for a friendly hangout. 

Kakashi pushed back the hood of his cloak, revealing his signature silver hair. The tips of his fingers hooked underneath the edge of his mask, lifting it to the side of his face. Obito’s mouth fell open, gaping in stunned silence for a full minute before he began to sputter in anger. 

“You, you, it was you the whole time Bakashi?!” Kakashi subtly threw up a sound barrier, layering the two of them with a genjutsu, knowing that any conversation with Obito was bound to draw attention. 

“What did you do that for?” Obito demanded. “Why are you even here?”

“Mission.” 

“Mission? What kind of mission would have you camping out at the front of the Uchiha compounds? Oh and what happened to the old compound? I don’t remember it being this far out in Konoha…” Obito trailed off, hand rubbing the back of his neck. Something clicked and for a split second, Kakashi thought Obito had figured out that something was wrong with the Uchiha clan in the present. 

“You knew that I was coming, didn’t you!” Obito accused. Kakashi resisted the urge to drag a hand over his face. Oh well. If that was what Obito thought, then there would be a lot less questions about what happened to the Uchiha clan, which would inevitably lead to the subject of Minato’s death. 

Kakashi resisted the urge to sigh. He could never get any peace, no matter where he was, there was somehow always a member of Team Minato there. It was bound to be Obito’s turn eventually. Figures that he would attempt to visit the Uchiha compound, and unlike Rin’s visit to the hospital, or young Kakashi’s break-in to the Hokage archives, this one spelled out immediate disaster. 

Obito hadn’t realized how lucky he was that Kakashi had been on watch today. 

“Why are you here?” Kakashi asked. “You should be training with your team.” 

“To find out–” Obito slapped a hand over his mouth. 

Kakashi narrowed his eye. “You shouldn’t be here. You know the Uchiha will not take kindly to a dead person showing up at their compound.” 

“I have a henge on!” A poorly casted henge. 

“Then you’ll be seen as an intruder.” Kakashi didn’t really want to elaborate, knowing that it was going to generate more questions, but with Obito’s stubbornness, if he didn’t understand the severity of the situation, he was bound to try again. “The Uchiha clan has been isolated from the village. They do not welcome non-Uchiha visitors.” 

Kakashi shot him an icy look. “If anyone else saw you today, you would have been taken into custody. Don’t ever try to go near the Uchiha compound again.” His tone of voice left no room for negotiation. 

Obito threw his hands up in defeat. “Fine, I won’t. Can you at least tell me what happened to my grandmother? I just want to know if she’s safe.” 

“She’s fine,” Kakashi responded curtly. It was the easiest answer that he could offer. How could he explain that she was the grandmother that he saw at the compound entrance everyday, pining for her grandson’s return? She waited day after day, always with that senile smile stretched across her face, for someone who was never coming home. 

Whether or not Obito believed him, he seemed to accept his answer. As usual, tears pricked the corners of his eyes. Obito lifted his orange googles, ducking his head as he wiped the stray tears that had escaped. 

“Thanks Bakashi.”

Right after his shift ended, the first place Kakashi went to was the memorial stone. It wasn’t his usual time to visit the memorial stone, but after his interaction with kid Obito, Kakashi really needed to talk to Obito. He stood underneath the blistering sun, head hung low as his gaze locked in on the kanji of Obito’s name etched into the base of the quartz. 

Kakashi recounted his run-in with kid Obito from earlier this morning. Although Kakashi was sure that he had been right to intervene at the time, the longer he spoke, the more his resolve began to waver. Obito had been so close to the Uchiha compound, and if Kakashi hadn’t interfered, then his grandmother would have been able to see him one last time. 

She would have gotten closure. 

The same kind of closure that Kakashi wished to have after he found his father dead; he just wanted to have one last conversation with him, just wanted to see him one last time–

He had taken that away from Obito and Kakashi felt utterly conflicted with himself for it. He shouldn’t have cared. It wasn’t like he knew Obito’s grandmother personally, only knew of her through the stories that Obito told. Yet for some reason, everything that was connected to his former team elicited all sorts of emotions that Kakashi once tried to tamper down. He tried so hard to remain detached, tried so hard to keep his distance, but time and time again had broken his resolve. 

Last night with young Kakashi had been the tipping point. Interacting with him had given him hope, something that he hadn’t dared to touch in years. Hope because his younger self did care more about his teammates than he ever did and maybe that would just be enough. Enough to prevent the tragedy from happening a second time, if not for himself, then at least a version of him. 

At least one of them would be okay.

“Kakashi,” Minato greeted as he walked up to stand beside him. “I didn’t expect to see you here at this time.” Lately, Minato’s presence was far and few in between, probably having spent most of his time trying to figure out a way home. 

Last time they spoke at the memorial stone, Minato had questions for him. This time, it was Kakashi who wanted answers. 

“What mission did you assign them?” 

“What?” There was that innocent spark in his eyes, the same look that he always wore when Kushina accused Minato of doing something that he was guilty of. He’d always try to play it off as if he was innocent, sometimes punting the blame to Kakashi, but Kushina always knew. 

Kakashi knew too and if Minato wasn’t going to admit it, then he’d say it for him. 

“You assigned your team a mission to find out what happens in the future.” 

The corner of Minato’s lips tilted upwards. “And if I did?” Kakashi had no time for his sensei’s games. 

“Call off the mission,” Kakashi demanded. 

“The mission is good for them. It gives them something to do while I’m busy. And it’s helping their teamwork, haven’t you noticed that they’ve been getting along better lately?” 

“Call off the mission,” Kakashi repeated. There was a harsher and sharper edge to his tone of voice, one that would have made even seasoned shinobis stand down. 

But not Minato. His former sensei remained unbothered, that damned, innocent smile still etched across his lips. 

“And if I don’t?” 

Kakashi’s fingers instinctively twitched, the muscles in his arms itching to grab the sword sheathed on his back in response to the threatening tone. Although logically Kakashi knew that it was meant to be a light-hearted threat at most, his body didn’t react kindly to receiving any kind of threats, ones from his former mentor included. It took every ounce of self-control for Kakashi to tamper down his instinct to attack. 

All while Kakashi was internally battling himself, Minato was still smiling at him. 

“You know them, Kakashi. Even if I didn’t assign them the mission, you know they will still do everything they can to find out what happens in the future. At least this way, I can keep a semblance of control over what they do.” 

“Your mission,” Kakashi grounded out through gritted teeth. “Almost got Obito killed. If I wasn’t there today, he would have died today.” 

And how could you be so nonchalant about all of this? Was what Kakashi really wanted to ask. 

“You’re right, Obito was reckless, but that doesn’t change the fact that they have a mission to complete–”

“Mission. Mission. Mission.” Kakashi repeated the word with fervor, disdain dripping from every syllable. “Since when did a mission become more important than your team’s life? Wasn’t our safety always top priority for you, Minato sensei?” 

The words came hurling out as a mocking insult, came tumbling out in an accusatory manner, came undone as a projection of Kakashi’s internal self-blame. None of their deaths had been Minato’s fault – it was all his fault – but there were years and years of frustration and guilt and regrets that remained bottled up within him for far too long that Kakashi fervently latched onto the first person that he could blame other than himself. 

“No, it’s not, but the mission is always your top priority, isn’t it?” 

The air had been knocked out of his lungs, leaving him gasping for breath. His protests against Minato’s claims remained lodged in his throat. Although he tried to deny deny deny, Kakashi couldn’t run from the truth. 

The truth had such a crippling hold on him. 

His feet turned to leave, chakra already molded and cued up to execute a teleportation jutsu to flee from the suffocating atmosphere, when Minato’s voice stopped him to his tracks. 

“Running away again, Kakashi?” 

His self control snapped. In one fluid movement, Kakashi spun on his feet, arms reaching to unsheath his sword. A clang rang through the clearing as his blade lodged itself in the crook of Minato’s three pronged kunai. Kakashi swung his sword in an upward arc. Minato tilted his head backwards, narrowly avoiding the sharp edge of the blade before he blurred out of existence. Half a second later, Minato landed on the other side of the clearing, fingers already looping through the handle of his special kunai to extract it from the ground. 

Kakashi lurched forward, moving to close the distance between them. Before he had even made it halfway across the clearing, Minato disappeared again. A high intensity chakra signature appeared behind him. Kakashi side-stepped, allowing Minato’s momentum to carry him harmlessly past him. His Rasengan made contact with the ground, sending a spray of dirt and debris into the air. 

Lightning crackled from his fingertips, the tendrils of hot, bursts of electricity curling around the length of his blade. He swung the blade downwards. Minato twisted his body out of harm’s way, barely having recovered from his earlier momentum. The ground split upon impact of the tip of the sword burying into the earth. 

Minato teleported himself across the clearing once more. He had already taken advantage of his Hiraishin mark permanently imprinted on Kakashi’s back shoulder once, but both Kakashi and Minato knew that he wouldn’t be able to sneak up on him again. 

Kakashi had been knocked off his feet too many times with this exact move during their many spars to get caught off guard again. 

This time, Minato opted for a long range wind jutsu. Among the jutsu in his arsenal, this one was relatively weak and required little effort on Kakashi’s part to dodge. But Kakashi was well aware that this was simply a test, a delay tactic to assess his current skillset. Minato followed that wind jutsu with another one, one that rained pellets of wind bullets at him. With practiced ease, Kakashi dodged all of them. The tips of his feet barely touched ground as Kakashi continued to move towards Minato, his relentless attacks doing little to slow down his approach. 

A clang of metal rang out in the clearing once more. 

This time, neither of them tried to run. With only his sword and fists, and Minato’s speed and three-pronged kunai, the two of them exchanged blows. The two of them moved in tandem, each of them meeting each other blow for blow. Although Minato had a slight edge over him in speed, Kakashi’s Sharingan easily captured his every movement. 

Kakashi raised his forearm, slamming it against Minato’s right wrist to knock the kunai from his grasp. He extended his arm, his limb stretching to tangle itself with Minato’s own to pin it against his back when the whirl of his Sharingan caught onto the faint movement from below. Kakashi jumped backwards, narrowly avoiding a knee to the face. 

He landed, one hand already weaving through the signs for Obito’s trademark jutsu. Hot tendrils of fire left his lips, dousing the entire clearing in an immense wave of heat. 

Minato teleported out of the trajectory of the fireball, appearing behind him once more, just as Kakashi was already turning, sword swinging in a wide arc–

Minato stopped the momentum of his sword with a kunai, while simultaneously jutting out his leg to sweep Kakashi off balance. Kakashi jumped, landing briefly on Minato’s outstretched leg, before using that as a springboard to propel himself away from Minato. Minato’s outstretched fingers grasped air.

Kakashi flipped twice in mid-air. As he was landing, Minato darted forward, a Rasengan, bright and pulsing in the palm of his hands, aimed true at where Kakashi was attempting to land. Kakashi threw his momentum forward, hands grabbing onto Minato’s shoulder. Putting all of his weight on Minato, Kakashi swung himself over Minato’s head. The Rasengan puttered out of existence as Minato quickly recovered from his brief moment of imbalance. 

They turned, both abandoning their weapons, sensing no amount of weapons or jutsus would help them win their battle. All that was needed was hand-to-hand combat, each of their punches and kicks backed with each of their frustrations towards each other and themselves. 

“Stop running away from us, Kakashi.” Minato’s fist grazed Kakashi’s left ear. The skin of his earlobe tingled from his fury. 

“Why? So I can get attached again only for you to leave?” His foot shot outwards, twisting to wrap itself around Minato’s, but his sensei danced nimbly out of his trajectory. 

“You clearly care about us. So why are you torturing yourself like this?” A glint of silver registered in his peripheral vision; Kakashi leaned backwards to avoid the shuriken. He returned one of his own, which sailed harmlessly past Minato. 

“Why does it matter if I care or not? You don’t belong to this world. No matter what I do, I know that you cannot stay.” Even in the midst of battle, the corners of Minato’s mouth upturned. 

“If we don’t belong to this world, then why do you care so much? Why are you so angry about my team’s mission?” 

“Because Obito almost died!” Kakashi threw a punch, his movements haphazard and sloppy. Still, Minato entertained him, not jumping in to take advantage of his many openings. 

“As if watching him die once wasn’t enough.” Once the words left his lips, Kakashi found it difficult to stop his tirade. “Rin defended me from those people at the hospital, even though they’re right. I did kill her! And myself, he’s so stupid and naive, crying over things that haven’t even happened yet.” 

Kakashi didn’t even know what he was saying anymore; he wasn’t even sure that he was answering the question, but all he knew was that he needed to unload. All of those bottled up feelings, those thoughts came pouring outwards like a massive tidal wave jutsu. 

“You told me that you’d always be there for me, but then you and Kushina left me too. Why did you have to leave me too?” 

Minato’s movements stilled. Kakashi’s fist slammed into his right shoulder, sending the other man jerking backwards. His shinobi reflexes saved him from completely toppling over. 

Sadness shone in his blue eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Kakashi.” 

The apology was so genuine to the point that it hurt. A thousand pin needles pricked at his heart relentlessly, each one not doing much damage, but the cumulation of the hurt over the years had finally torn himself completely open. 

“Stop apologizing,” Kakashi growled. “You, Obito, Rin. You keep apologizing like you’re the one at fault, when the whole time, I’m the problem.” 

“You are not the problem. It’s my fault for putting you in that situation. You were twelve, for Kami’s sake! Blame me, blame the Hokage, blame the system, but don’t ever blame yourself.” 

All of the fight left his body. 

“I don’t know how not to.”

Chapter Text

It was an unofficial mission, but his students still listened with their full attention. Even Obito, who was barely patient enough to sit through a normal mission briefing, hardly fidgeted while Minato explained their objective and outlined the ground rules. 

“Do not try to agitate Anbu Kakashi.” At this, Minato stared pointedly at Obito, who gulped guilty. “I know it’s easier to demand answers from him, but I’m sure he won’t take kindly to our interrogation. We’ll have to do our own recon. Treat this like an A-ranked mission.” 

His students nodded solemnly. 

“Sensei?” Rin piped up. Minato nodded at her to continue. “Is there anywhere in the village that’s off limits?” 

Technically, everywhere was off limits since they weren’t even suppose to exist in this timeline, but if that was the case, then that meant everywhere was fair game. If they weren’t suppose to be seen, then what was the difference between getting caught at Ichiraku versus the Hokage’s top secret archive? 

Oh, how Hiruzen would have his head for his way of thinking. 

“No limits.” Minato could already see the gears turning in Kakashi’s mind. “But do not try anything that is beyond your limits. If you get caught, you’ll be as good as dead. Do you understand?” 

They nodded. 

“Good. Now while I’m working on figuring out a way to get us back home, I expect the three of you to be training or working on completing the mission. Work as a team, share intel, cover each other’s backs. In this world, we can only rely on ourselves.” 

“What about him?” Obito pointed at Kakashi. 

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest. “What about me?” 

“Not you, your future self,” Obito clarified. “Are we considering him as part of our team?” 

“Yes.” 

No matter which version of Kakashi he was, regardless of how many years into the future or how much he tried to distance himself from their team, he was still Kakashi. He was still part of Team Minato. He was still his student. 

Nothing would change that, not even Anbu Kakashi’s own denial.

A familiar figure loomed over the memorial stone. Kakashi was dressed in his Anbu armor, sword sheathed across his back, and white mask pushed to the side of his head. His shoulders were slumped, arms hanging loosely by his side, head dipped low. His lone visible eye stared blankly at the base of the memorial stone. 

Minato’s hands were curled around the back of the collar of Obito’s shirt to prevent his student from barging out into the clearing. To his right, Rin and Kakashi quietly watched Anbu Kakashi from their position behind the bushes. 

“Sensei, how long has he been standing there?” Rin asked. Kakashi shot her a sharp glare, motioning with his hands that they were to be quiet, but Minato entertained her question anyways. Anbu Kakashi had to be well aware of their presence before they even approached the clearing. 

“Probably for a while now.” 

Emboldened by Minato’s response, Obito also piped up. “Neh, this is the memorial stone right? Where–” At this point, Obito’s voice choked up. “Where my name is?” 

“The memorial stone is to honor the fallen shinobis.” 

Whose bodies were never returned home, was the unspoken explanation, but Obito didn’t question it and Kakashi, for once, didn’t jump in with his know-it-all attitude. Instead the entire team’s eyes were fixed on the base of the memorial stone, of the smooth quartz that was too far away for them to make out the individual names etched into the stone. Yet somewhere among the hundreds of names, Obito’s was among them. 

The thought left an unsettling feeling churning in the pit of Minato’s stomach. Bile rose to the base of his throat as his gaze flickered between his student, alive and breathing, to the cold, lifeless stone. 

Anbu Kakashi didn’t even flinch as another Anbu member suddenly appeared behind him. This Anbu member’s identity was completely obscured by a Cat mask; his short, spiky brown hair was his only identifying feature. 

“Tai-chou, you’re an hour late for our meeting.” 

Obito’s eyes widened. “Kakashi? Late?!” Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest, glaring intensely at a particular spot in the bushes to avoid meeting Obito’s gloating eyes. 

Anbu Kakashi let out a hum in response but made no indication that he was going to get going. The other Anbu member sighed. 

“Did you forget that today is the day the new recruit is joining our team?” 

“Let him wait.” 

“And let him be greeted by Boar and the rest of them? You know how they are with new recruits. You don’t want him to be scared away on the first day, do you?” 

“If he can’t even handle a little pressure, then he’s not suited for the Anbu.” 

The other Anbu threw up his hands. “Fine, you win. But if you’re always going to be late, then why don’t you come to the memorial stone earlier? It’s not always good to keep the team waiting.” 

A few moments of silence, and then, “I’ve been here since dawn.” 

Those words hit Minato hard. Anbu Kakashi’s grief wafted from him in rolling waves. There was a slight tremor in his voice, thinly veiled by his forced apathy. There was a constricting feeling in Minato’s chest, the loose knots of the rope pulling taut as the significance of that statement settled in his mind. The corner of Anbu Kakashi’s eye curved upward, painting the appearance of someone that was okay. 

Even as Anbu Kakashi turned to leave with his comrade, his movements were fluid and smooth, unlike that of someone who had been standing still in the same position for an extended period of time. His fingers had reached up, curling around the edges of the Anbu mask to push it into its rightful place with practiced ease, almost like it was equally easy to turn on and off his emotions. 

The moment that Anbu Kakashi disappeared from their line of sight, his team scrambled out from behind the bushes and darted over to the memorial stone. Obito was the first to make it, already crouched down to scan the names. Rin leaned over his right shoulder, hands reaching to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear as she mumbled the names underneath her breath. Kakashi flanked his left side, tips of his fingers trailing down the smooth surface as he searched for a familiar name. 

Obito Uchiha.

The moment Anbu Kakashi left the clearing, the other members of Team Minato pounced. Obito was the most vocal of the three, firing a thousand questions per minute. His words slurred together, breaths barely taken in between each question. 

Kakashi was more subdued in his curiosity, yet his arms were crossed rigidly over his chest in rapt attention, fingers drumming restlessly against his forearm. His feet shifted his position to move closer to Rin. His head was turned so that he wasn’t looking directly at his teammate, but his gaze unknowingly kept falling onto her. 

Unbridled curiosity churned in the pit of his stomach. 

Then there was Minato, who was always the voice of reason. A gentle hand was placed on Obito’s shoulder, pushing the overreacting boy backwards. Obito stumbled upon the unexpected force, the words tumbling out of his mouth finally ceasing for all of ten seconds, before Obito continued his barrage of questions. 

Rin’s eyes were wide, a mixture of unreadable emotions reflecting in her gaze. 

“Obito, that’s enough.” Minato’s voice was sharp and firm. Obito immediately quieted down, swallowing the remainder of his unfinished question. 

Switching to a gentler tone of voice, Minato turned to address Rin. “Are you hurt?” 

Rin shook her head. 

“Good. Now, you don’t have to tell us what happened–” At this, Minato’s head jerked sharply to shoot Obito a fierce glare. It was enough to suppress whatever protest Obito had been about to make. “But I need to know if anyone other than Kakashi saw you.” 

The color drained from her cheeks. 

“There was a crowd at the hospital,” was what Rin finally offered up after a few minutes of silence. Minato’s expression didn’t change, almost like he had expected this. 

“New rule for the mission,” Minato announced. “Don’t get seen by anyone else. Hiruzen sama has kept our appearances under wraps, and our identities will be too difficult to explain if we were to get caught.” 

Both Kakashi and Obito nodded in agreement, while Rin hung her head in shame. Even though Minato never specified, by now, they should have had the common sense to know that they weren’t suppose to be seen. To have such an obvious rule spoken out loud only amplified her guilt.

“I’m sorry, Minato sensei. I wasn’t thinking.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, Rin.” There it was, the forgiving smile and patient expression that Minato always wore even whenever he was inwardly disappointed in his team. 

“Yeah Rin! I’m sure you had your reasons.” Obito, always Obito, always so believing in her even when Rin didn’t quite have the confidence in herself. 

The surprise came with Kakashi quietly mumbling his agreement. 

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as a ghost image of the older Kakashi appeared next to her teammate. The older Kakashi, closed off, prickly, unapproachable. The younger one, sharp-tongued, stubborn, distant. Both of them cared about her, about their team in their own unique ways. No matter how many years there were between them–

They cared.

There was guilt from causing her sensei trouble and shame for disappointing him, but there wasn’t even a tiny bit of regret. 

No, Rin didn’t regret standing up for Anbu Kakashi. 

When Rin gave her report on everything that had happened since they parted ways this morning, her team listened with rapt attention. No one interrupted her as she spoke, although her team showed a myriad of emotions when she mentioned what the shinobi at the hospital had said about Anbu Kakashi. Minato’s hands curled tightly, tips of his fingers grazing the metal handle of his kunai like he was ready to draw blood. Obito’s eyebrows furrowed, clearly disbelieving of everything he was hearing. Kakashi tried to remain unaffected, but the stormy emotions that swirled in his dark eyes betrayed his calm appearance. 

They called him Friend Killer Kakashi.

There wasn’t a chance in hell that was true. 

They were suppose to be training, but like they agreed upon, once Anbu Kakashi left them, the three of them put on a henge and split off on their own mission. Obito, undoubtedly, would go to the Uchiha compound. Rin, perhaps, may give the hospital another try; although, the last incident taught her that she needed to be more careful. And Kakashi? 

Well, he was left wandering aimlessly through Konoha’s forests. He didn’t need to search anymore; he had received the answers last night. He had been slapped in the face with the truth, with the grim reality of his team’s future. Hours had passed, the knowledge had time to settle in, but his mind continued to war with itself. The burden of the future weighed heavily on his mind, the pressure of the invisible force growing and growing until he felt the onslaught of the familiar pains of a raging headache. 

Kakashi buried his head in the palm of his hands. 

What should he do? His first instinct had been to keep his newfound information to himself – Obito and Rin were too young and naive to be exposed to such a cruel reality – but there was that small voice in the back of his mind that constantly reminded him that they were a team. That it was the fact that he’d pushed them away, that he didn’t consider them as equal comrades that had resulted in their team’s future outcome. 

Then the other side of him tried to convince him that even if Obito and Rin knew, what could they do? Not leave the village for missions? Train harder? There wasn’t enough shinobis. There wasn’t enough time. 

Better yet, what could he do? 

“You can do more than you think.” 

Kakashi lifted his head. “Minato sensei.” 

His sensei took a seat next to him. He cocked his head inquisitively, the same encouraging smile still stretched across his features. 

“What are you thinking so hard about?” 

“Did you already know?” Kakashi swallowed. “Know about how Obito and Rin died?” 

The smile slipped from his face as Minato’s features hardened. “Yeah. The Hokage gave me access to the archives so I can access the forbidden sealing scrolls. I’ve seen the mission reports; it’s not something that Obito and Rin should have gone through. Especially at such a young age…” 

“Yeah, but I was the team leader. I should have been stronger–” 

Minato placed a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. “Listen Kakashi. No matter what Anbu Kakashi has told you, or what you think, none of that is your fault. It’s not his fault either.” 

His fingers curled up into a tight fist. 

“If not for this damned war, none of you would have been put in that situation in the first place. You’re brilliant Kakashi, but you shouldn’t be forced to become a jounin leader at your age. I swear on my Hokage dream that I will make sure the war ends before you ever have to be put in that situation, Kakashi.” 

“You promise?” Kakashi sounded like he was five years old again, standing in his father’s looming shadows, asking his father if he would return home in time for his graduation from the Academy. Like his father had done, Minato ruffled his hair and smiled. But this time instead of leaving his promise unanswered, Minato affirmed it. 

“I promise. For you. For Obito. For Rin.” 

Promises were made to be broken, but relief still coursed through him anyways. 

“Sensei, did you ever find out how you died?” 

“It was three years after Rin died.” Twelve. Thirteen. Sixteen. Kakashi couldn’t imagine losing all of his precious people in such a short amount of time. “The Kyuubi attacked Konoha. As the Hokage, it was my duty to protect the village. I died by using a forbidden jutsu to seal the Kyuubi away.” 

“The Kyuubi?” Kakashi murmured. “Isn’t that sealed inside Kushina-san?” 

Minato shook his head. “I don’t even want to know how you know that information, but please keep that to yourself. It’s a village top secret.” 

“So how did it get out?” 

“Kushina was pregnant. The seal is known to weaken at child birth. It’s not really known what happened, but someone must have taken advantage of that fact to let out the Kyuubi.” 

“Childbirth? Wait sensei, you have a child?” 

“A son,” Minato answered, with fondness in his voice. “He looks just like me, but has all of Kushina’s personality. I’m sure he’s a handful for the adults, but I couldn’t imagine our kid any other way.” 

“You visited him?”

“I watched him from afar.” A twinge of sadness and disappointment was present in his voice. “I can’t let him know of my existence. Maybe I can approach him with a henge, but it’s not the same as showing up as his father, you know?” 

“Besides,” Minato continued. “Anbu Kakashi is right about something. We’re going to leave eventually. The people here, they’ll get attached only to be left behind again.” 

Anbu Kakashi was right, but at the same time, he wasn’t. Kakashi’s mind was yelling at him that his future counterpart was so, so wrong, but at the same time, the words were not formulating the way that Kakashi wanted them to. After a few minutes of struggling to get his brain to work, his half-formulated argument tumbled from his lips. 

“Yeah they’ll get left behind again, but this time, with fonder memories! If we try, we can make my future self remember us by happier memories than our deaths.” 

Kakashi didn’t even know how in the world he was going to accomplish that, when he barely even knew what to do when comforting the grieving man in the archives last night, but now the words left his mouth, he was too stubborn to retract them now. 

Kami, Obito was rubbing off on him a little too much. 

Minato smiled. “You’re right, Kakashi. Hey, isn’t your birthday coming up soon?”

After Obito’s almost disastrous recon mission at the Uchiha compound, Minato had temporarily suspended their original mission and assigned them another one: prepare a gift for Anbu Kakashi’s birthday. Prior to disappearing, Minato gleefully boasted that he already had a gift prepared for both Kakashis. 

With a parting good luck, Obito, Rin and Kakashi were left on their own. Naturally, Obito was the first to grumble on why he needed to prepare a gift for Anbu Kakashi, before being reminded by Rin that Anbu Kakashi did save his life. That was all that was needed for Obito’s cheeks to flush red in shame. 

“Ne Kakashi, what do you think your future self would like?” 

Like the hell Kakashi would know. Even he was at a loss of what to gift his future counterpart; everything that he could possibly think of, Anbu Kakashi probably already had. 

“Bakashi probably only likes practical things.” 

True. Growing up, all of his gifts had either been jutsu scrolls, books, or some kind of weapon. And it wasn’t even that he particularly liked those things, but he knew they would be useful, so Kakashi kept them. 

“A weapon?” Rin suggested. 

“Already has one,” Kakashi responded. “He carries around a sword. And I’m sure he’s plenty stocked with standard weapons.” 

Obito and Rin continued to throw out random suggestions, and Kakashi had to shoot down every single one of them. Unfortunately, he was cursed with knowing himself too well, but also cursed with not knowing himself well enough. He knew everything that Anbu Kakashi wouldn’t want or didn’t need, but knew absolutely nothing of what he wanted.

Obito threw up his hands in frustration. “Ugh, this is impossible! You clearly don’t lack anything.” 

“How about we do something for him then? Maybe cook his favorite food?” 

“Didn’t Minato sensei already make that soup for him last time?” 

“Yeah and he drank it,” Kakashi said. “It could work. As long as you keep it lowkey to not scare him away.” 

“Even if you do that, he might still try to run away,” Obito grumbled underneath his breath. “But fine, we’ll give it another shot. What else do you like to eat?” 

Kakashi rattled off a list of his favorite foods, hoping that at least his taste didn’t change. Even if it did, then hopefully there was still something on the list that he would still enjoy. 

“Oh a cake!” Rin exclaimed. “We can’t forget about a cake.” 

“I don’t really like sweets–” His protest was interrupted by Rin promising that the cake they were going to get wasn’t going to be that sweet. After seeing the excitement shimmer in her eyes, Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to shoot down her idea so he let her continue rambling about cake flavors and the birthday message for the cake. 

“How old are you turning?” 

“Twelve?” They were literally the same age; there was no reason why Obito would have forgotten–

“No, I meant your other.” 

Kakashi’s mind drifted to the latest date that he had seen on the calendar of the last shop they had passed by. They were currently eight years into the future, which meant…

“Twenty.” 

Obito let out a sharp whistle. “Damn, you’re old.” 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “Twenty is not old. It’s because you're still a brat.” 

“Like you’re the one to talk! You’re the one that’s younger than me.” 

“Didn’t you call me old a minute ago?” 

And just like that, the two of them fell into easy banter. They traded the same childish jabs at each other, the message always backed with a sharp tone, but always delivered with no animosity in their intent. It was a breath of relief from the harsh reality that weighed down upon them. 

Even if just temporarily, they could pretend everything was okay.

“Happy birthday!” 

Team Minato ambushed Anbu Kakashi. Well, as much as a team of chunin and one jounin could really ambush a member of the Anbu. Judging from his blank expression, Anbu Kakashi had been expecting this, probably due to the Third Hokage ordering Anbu Kakashi to return home after giving his mission report. 

“Don’t just stand there, come sit!” Rin’s hand wrapped around Anbu Kakashi’s wrist – it didn’t go unnoticed that he flinched but didn’t try to pry her hand off this time – to drag him to sit down at the kitchen table. Minato sat next to him, while the three kids took a seat across the table. 

A steaming bowl of eggplant miso was placed in the middle of the table. A plate of grilled saury was on its left. Bowls of rice placed in front of each of them and many side dishes circling the main dishes to complete the dinner arrangement. The cake was still on the kitchen counter, but everyone had seen Anbu Kakashi’s gaze glaze over it. 

Minato nudged Anbu Kakashi’s shoulder. “Are you not going to eat?” 

Anbu Kakashi’s dark gaze flickered over everyone; their beaming and eager faces staring back at him. 

“I already ate,” Anbu Kakashi mumbled. 

“Those ration bars that you ate during your mission don’t count,” Minato chided. “We made all of your favorites. Dig in.” 

From the loud growl that sounded, it was Obito who couldn’t wait any longer. “Ahhhh, I’m hungry! Itadakimasu!” 

Before anyone could stop him, Obito was already digging into his rice. Rin laughed at Obito’s antics, while reaching for the soup spoon to serve everyone at the table. Kakashi subtly pushed the grilled saury plate closer to Anbu Kakashi, while Minato worked to distract everyone at the table. 

It all happened in a split second, but Kakashi had seen the brief flash of the mask going down. He blinked and the mask was back in place. Obito and Rin had been too preoccupied to notice it, but Kakashi didn’t miss the faint smile that appeared on Minato’s lips.  

Despite Anbu Kakashi’s apparent unwillingness to be here, he didn’t make a move to leave the dinner table. Even when Obito was being too loud for his own good, or when Kakashi was goaded into starting another banter with him, Anbu Kakashi sat quietly and watched the commotion unfold around him. Rin continued to shoot him apologetic looks before she tried to convince the two of them to calm down. Minato just continued smiling, happiness written all over his face.

By the end of the hour, the food on the table had cleared. Rin was busy taking the empty dishes to the sink, while Minato was grabbing the cake. Obito and Kakashi had disappeared into the room to collect the presents that the team had prepared. All the while, Anbu Kakashi sat unmoving at the table, probably debating with himself if this was the time to make his exit. 

Before he could decide, Minato had returned, plopping down the cake in the middle of the table. The rest of Team Minato had also returned to the table. 

Obito snapped his fingers, creating a small flame from his fingertips. He touched the tip of the candle, lighting it up. 

“Happy birthday, Kakashi!” Team Minato chirped in unison. “Make a wish.” 

Kakashi closed his eyes quickly, having already decided long ago what his wish was going to be. Although it was childish of him to wish everyone on Team Minato stayed safe, Kakashi was determined to back that wish with everything that he had. 

When he opened his eyes again, he saw that Anbu Kakashi was staring at him. 

“Did you make a wish?” 

“We have the same wish,” Anbu Kakashi responded softly. “One wish is enough for both of us.” 

Everyone knew that no matter how Anbu Kakashi wished for it, his particular wish would never come true. No one commented on it and Kakashi moved to blow out the candle. Before he did, he selfishly added a second wish – for Anbu Kakashi to have a reason to smile again. 

The flames died out. Minato was moving to cut the cake, while Rin was passing around plates. As expected, Anbu Kakashi attempted to refuse his share, but a convincing Minato meant he still ended up with a slice of cake, albeit a much smaller one. Kakashi wasn’t a fan of sweets either, but seeing how Anbu Kakashi was actually making an effort to not run away, Kakashi certainly wasn’t going to be the cause of a spoiled mood. He forced two bites of cake in before he decided that was enough sweets for the day. 

For the week even. 

No one mentioned his unfinished slice of cake or Anbu Kakashi’s untouched one, and simply proceeded to the living room to bring out the presents once Obito had his share. Minato was the first to go, presenting Kakashi with one of his special kunai and with Anbu Kakashi some jutsu scrolls. 

“I’m not sure what jutsus you have learned for me, but I wrote down all of my special techniques, including the Hirashin. I wanted to be able to pass these jutsus onto someone.” Anbu Kakashi hesitantly accepted the jutsu scrolls, holding them out in front of him like they would go up in flames at any time. 

“This is mine!” Rin jumped in to diffuse the awkwardness that was bound to ensue with the silence that followed. She handed both of them a stocked medical kit. “I hope both of you will never have to use this, but just in case.” 

Anbu Kakashi wordlessly accepted her gift and tucked it straight away into his weapons pouch. 

“Here.” Obito stuffed a small box into Kakashi’s unsuspecting hands and had Rin pass along a flat package to Anbu Kakashi. Kakashi opened his box, finding small vests with silly scarecrow faces imprinted on it, along with eight Konoha headbands. 

“What’s this?” 

“They’re for your ninkens. They need something to distinguish themselves from a normal dog.” At this, the memory of Obito mistaking his ninken for normal dogs, and subsequently getting the schooling of his life, resurfaced. Underneath his mask, Kakashi smiled, while tipping his head as his thanks. 

Then Kakashi turned his attention onto his future counterpart, who was holding a brand new hitai-ate. Unlike the standard Konoha issued headbands, the fabric of this one extended past the metal plating on the left side. 

“To cover up your Sharingan,” Obito grumbled. “Your eye is always closed anyways so you might as well cover it up.” 

No one in this room had expected Obito to be the one to give the most thoughtful gift, including himself. When Minato began to praise him for thinking of such a good gift, Obito’s cheeks flushed red from all of the attention. He quickly attempted to turn the attention away from him by pushing Kakashi to the center. 

“What about your gift, Bakashi? Don’t tell me that I actually got a better gift than you did?” Of course, Obito wouldn’t have missed an opportunity to challenge him. 

Kakashi did have a gift for Anbu Kakashi, but it wasn’t one that he was sure that he would even like. He had spent more time pondering what would be a perfect gift for him than he would like to admit, but eventually settled on giving him a custom-made sword. It was one that was made with a special kind of metal that was better at conducting electricity than normal weapons. It was also more durable than his father’s chakra sabre and Kakashi hoped that the sword would accompany Anbu Kakashi even when they weren’t around. 

Anbu Kakashi took the sword from him, tossing it up as if to test its weight. He then pulled the sword out of its sheath and examined it with a critical eye. For the longest time, he said nothing, making Kakashi question if he had gotten him a terrible gift. It wasn’t until Anbu Kakashi sheathed the sword again could Kakashi finally breathe again. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t prepare a gift for you.” 

As long as he didn’t hate the gift, that was enough for Kakashi. “Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t expecting one anyways.” 

“I’ll teach you a jutsu.” The offer came so abruptly that Kakashi wondered if he had misheard. 

“What?”

“As your gift, I will teach you a jutsu,” Anbu Kakashi repeated. “Any jutsu.” 

Kakashi’s eyes widened in surprise. Sure, it had crossed his mind that it would be so cool to have an opportunity to learn from his future self, but Anbu Kakashi had rejected all of their attempts to invite him to join their training. Now here was his opportunity– 

“Happy birthday,” Anbu Kakashi whispered before he turned to retreat to his room. 

A smile tugged on Kakashi’s lips.

Chapter Text

Sparks of hot, white-blue tendrils of lightning cackled from the palm of his hand. A high pitch screech consumed the clearing, drowning out the sounds of the chirping birds. Sweat trickled down the side of young Kakashi’s face; his eyebrows were knitted together in concentration. His left hand gripped the wrist of his right intently as he willed the chaotic lightning chakra to stay under control. 

Two pairs of eyes were wide in awe. Obito and Rin leaned to get a closer look, gaze totally entranced by such a powerful jutsu, that they hadn’t even realized that they had gotten too close. The shock of lightning that left their skin slightly pink and tingling jolted both of them out of their reverie. 

Minato was hovering over young Kakashi’s left shoulder, smiling proudly. 

Everyone else saw the Chidori. No one else saw the blood dripping from his fingertips or the splotches of crimson splattered across the frontside of young Kakashi’s uniform. No one else saw the arm punching a hole through the enemies’ chest. No one else saw the trembling hand on the other side, last bits of lightning chakra puttering out, as realization dawned that the attack had met an unintended target. 

No one heard Rin’s voice yelling his name, louder and backed with more killing intent than the ear deafening noise of the Chidori. 

Kakashi blinked. The front of young Kakashi’s uniform remained unstained. His hands were clean, unmarred by the bloody aftermath of war. Minato was saying his name, but the callout was followed by praises rather than the haunting words of you let Rin die. 

The jutsu fizzled out of existence. Young Kakashi turned to look at him, eyes gleaming with pride and hope. 

“So how is it? Is the jutsu close to being completed?” 

“Your jutsu will never be completed.” Kakashi didn’t bother to mince his words, even when he knew that it would completely crush his younger self’s confidence. When he was younger, Kakashi had been too arrogant, too prideful, and too self-centered. It had taken Obito’s death to finally bring him to his senses. 

By then, everything had been too late. 

Disappointment flashed in young Kakashi’s eyes, but he was quick to mask it. “What do you mean it will never be completed?” 

“Using the Chidori will give you tunnel vision. You won’t be able to react in time to counter the enemy’s attack.” The jagged scar that the Iwa shinobi had managed to score on him the first time he tried using the Chidori in battle left a lasting impact, serving as a constant reminder of his first failure as jounin captain. 

“Tunnel vision?”

Kakashi tipped his head. “If you don’t believe me, then try it.” 

Before young Kakashi even had a chance to blink, Kakashi had already jumped on him, leg shooting outward to sweep his feet out from underneath him. The rest of Team Minato jumped out of the way as young Kakashi recovered from the ambush and delivered his first blow. Kakashi caught his fist, bringing up his knee to knock the air out of young Kakashi. He quickly distangled himself from Kakashi’s grasp, backflipping three times to create some distance between them. 

His younger self unsheathed the tanto, the glint of the polished blade shining into Kakashi’s eye. In response, Kakashi drew his own blade – the birthday gift from his younger self. 

Their swords clashed. The sound of clanging metal rang out in the clearing as the two of them met each other blow for blow although it was evident that one of them was tiring out quicker than the other. The slightest quiver of his arm muscle wouldn’t normally be noticed in the heat of the battle, but this was him. 

Kakashi knew himself better than anyone. 

The two of them continued to move around each other. Young Kakashi’s movements were sharp and coordinated, leagues above his peers at that age. Yet it was nothing against Kakashi’s movements, that had been refined from the scores of injuries and failures he had suffered over the years. 

Young Kakashi sent a boost of chakra to the sole of his feet to close the distance in between them. The Chidori was charged up in his right hand; the deadly jutsu came hurtling at him with speed and precision that would catch most people off guard. 

But it wasn’t fast enough. The jutsu was riddled with too many openings, and even one weakness was one weakness too many. It would ultimately be the difference between life and death. 

Kakashi twisted his body out of the trajectory. The zips of lightning brushed past the side of his face, the tingles nipping at his exposed skin. His hand closed around young Kakashi’s wrist, while the hilt of his sword rammed itself into young Kakashi’s stomach. 

The Chidori fizzled out of existence. 

Kakashi released his hold. The younger boy stumbled a few steps backward. 

“If that had been the blade and not the hilt, you would have been dead. I was lucky to have Minato sensei covering my back the first time I used it on a mission; otherwise, I would have been killed.” 

“The jutsu will really never be completed?” A twinge of disappointment sounded in his defeated voice. His first ever jutsu creation, a S-ranked assassination technique, to never be completed. 

Kakashi could understand. 

“I was able to complete it because I have the Sharingan.” At this, Kakashi lightly tapped his closed eye. “But you don’t need the Sharingan nor the Chidori to become an excellent shinobi. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.” 

“But I need to get stronger,” young Kakashi declared. Their eyes met, their unspoken motive lingering between them. 

“I’ll teach you another lightning jutsu. Your current skillset is all centered on short to mid range attacks, you need some long range attacks.” 

“Okay.” 

“Hey older Bakashi! Can you teach me a new jutsu too?” 

The words were already at the tip of his tongue, that there was nothing Kakashi had to teach Obito because all along, it was Obito who taught him what it meant to be a shinobi, but Obito shut down his protest before he could even say anything.

“Everyone calls you the Copy Ninja because you know over a thousand jutsus. So don’t try to tell me that you don’t have anything to teach me!” 

As if an overeager Obito wasn’t enough, Rin also joined in. “Can you show me something too?” 

All while his three students continued to gang up on Kakashi, Minato stood off to the side, hardly making a move to intervene. Eventually Kakashi caved to their requests, knowing how relentless his former team could be if they didn’t get their way. 

While the three of them were occupied with practicing the hand seals of their new jutsus, Minato approached him. 

“Don’t the three of them make such a precious sight?” 

Kakashi hummed in agreement. A trickle of tear slipped from his closed Sharingan eye. 

“Thank you for training with them today, Kakashi. You have no idea how happy you’ve made them. They’ve been talking about wanting to learn from you for a while.” 

They were happy, but all Kakashi felt was the aches and pangs in his chest as he watched the familiar sight of his former team train. They were no longer the sharp and stabbing cuts as when Team Minato first appeared in front of him, but it still hurt. To have them in front of him, yet knowing that tomorrow they could disappear from his life once more. 

“Will you be leaving soon?” Both of them knew that Kakashi didn’t mean leaving the training grounds, despite the setting sun looming in the distance. 

“I’m getting close to deciphering the seal. There’s still something that I wanted to discuss with Hiruzen-sama, but…” Minato faltered. 

“I’m sorry.” 

There were a thousand things that Minato could have been apologizing for, but Kakashi deserved none of it. 

“I know that we’ve disrupted your life. Our appearance has dug up old wounds. When we leave, it’ll hurt you more than anyone else.” 

“I always knew that you were leaving. I’m prepared for it.” 

The lie slipped easily from his mouth. It was delivered with the same ease as when he convinced all of the shinobi psychiatrists that he was mentally fit for active duty. It was backed with the same leveled tone of voice, all while his emotions tore his insides apart. It was the very facade that had everyone believing that time could heal all wounds. 

Since he was five, Kakashi had been telling people that he was fine. No one had picked up on his lie. 

This time, Minato didn’t either.

Rin once confessed to Kakashi that her favorite time of the day was nighttime. Not because she enjoyed the cooler temperature or because she thought the moon and stars were pretty but because the darkness temporarily obscured the harsh reality of war. The darkness covered up the contorted pain stretched across the shinobis’ faces as they drew their last breaths. The darkness blanketed the exact deepness of the wound, and the grotesque way that the organs seemed to spill out from the open wound, and the regrets that shone in their dead eyes. It masked the untold horrors that were forever imprinted on their expressions in their final moments. 

Nighttime was also the only time of day that Kakashi could face Rin. The crack of dawn was always his time to visit Obito, in hopes that his presence would wash away the nightmares of yesterday. In the middle of the night though, whenever Kakashi couldn’t sleep, Rin was always the one he visited. 

There was always something about being by her grave that temporarily chased away the memory of his Chidori through her heart. Too many times had Kakashi fallen asleep by her tombstone, only to be risen by the sun rising in the distance. 

Tonight was one of those restless nights. No matter how much Kakashi tossed and turned, he couldn’t fall asleep. Even the presence of his former team, sleeping peacefully in the room next door, couldn’t calm his restlessness. So Kakashi had slipped out the open window to visit Rin’s grave. 

Only to find that someone else had beaten him there. In the faint glow of the moonlight, Kakashi made out Rin’s features, the purple marks on her cheeks moving as she whispered to her grave. She was speaking too softly for Kakashi to verbally make out her words, but his Sharingan read her lips. 

“Kakashi told me what happened. I don’t know whether I should thank you for saving the village or curse you out for being so selfish.” Her fingers trailed lightly across the kanji of her name etched into the gravestone. 

“Rin Nohara. Shinobi. Died valiantly to protect the village. I know if I had a chance to do it all over again, I would make the same decision. Wouldn’t you?” 

A moment of silence stretched on before Rin continued. “But really, what were you thinking when you chose to die by Kakashi’s hand? You may have saved the rest of Konoha, but you devastated Kakashi. I know that he suffers from chronic nightmares. I know that his hands still tremble every time he takes someone’s life with that jutsu. I know that…” Rin’s voice trembled. 

“I know that there’s no healing from that. What the hell were you thinking?”

A few sniffles. Drops of tears streamed down the sides of her cheeks. Rin didn’t even bother to wipe them away. 

“What the hell was I thinking?” The unanswered question was accompanied by choked sobs that wracked her entire body. Rin was sitting at the base of her grave, curled up tightly in a ball with her arms wrapped around her knees. She rocked herself back and forth, face buried in knees and repeatedly murmuring, “What the hell was I thinking?” 

Kakashi should have turned away to give her some privacy, but his feet remained grounded to his position. His Sharingan remained fixated on the sight of Rin coming undone before him, watching as layers unraveled to reveal a vulnerable and scared young girl, who shouldn’t have been put in that situation in the first place. 

The fear within her heart, the lack of courage to take her own life clashed against her duty to Konoha and desire to protect her loved ones. Amidst the chaos of the fighting, of being surrounded by enemy nins, of being too close to Konoha for comfort, Rin was boxed in, the bleakness of her predicament rapidly closing in. The gravity of the situation weighed down on her, locked her trembling limbs into place to the point where she couldn’t even lift a kunai. There was nothing she could do; the fear wrapped itself around her, choking her like a vice, until–

Brief flickers of hope flashed in her eyes as her ears registered the familiar sound of the Chidori. The hue of blue chakra lit up the entire clearing, chasing away the darkness. The intensity of the chakra pulsing from his fingertips pushed away the invisible force that locked her into place. With the last shred of courage that Rin had within her, she threw herself in front of the Mist shinobi. 

Everything happened in a blink of an eye. There hadn’t been time to consider the ramifications of her actions; there hadn’t even been time to process the harrowing look in Kakashi’s eyes. 

But this time instead of seeing Rin’s betrayed expression, a sight that would haunt him for all of eternity, Kakashi saw the ghost of a smile grace her lips. Instead of hearing Rin viciously yelling his name, Kakashi saw her lips moving to thank him. 

That night when Kakashi finally gathered the courage to close his eyes again, he expected the falling boulders, the haunting cry of his name, the outlines of the Kyuubi’s tails wreaking havoc on the village. What he didn’t expect was to hear Rin’s faint laughter as she watched Obito fall into the river, or see himself insulting Obito’s lack of chakra control while extending a hand to fish him out of the water. He didn’t expect to see the three of them working together seamlessly to execute a plan of attack against Minato, with genuine smiles on their faces as they slowly gained ground on their sensei. 

Day in and day out, they trained together to the point where Kakashi knew their weaknesses better than anyone else. They had gone on so many missions together that they developed their own unconventional unspoken cues and molded together a kind of teamwork that no one could replace. He remembered the scathing remarks thrown at each other, the subtle acts of caring for each other, and the numerous disagreements, but mostly, he remembered their final moments. 

This time, Kakashi wasn’t focused on the falling boulders or Obito’s crushed right side. He was reminiscing the smile on Obito’s face as he told Kakashi that he was a great jounin. 

This time, Kakashi wasn’t focused on the blood that dribbled from the corner of Rin’s lips or the arm that was lodged in her chest. He saw the relief on her face, the unspoken apology and thank you at the tip of her tongue. 

This time, Kakashi wasn’t focused on the Kyuubi’s nail that was rammed through Minato’s chest. He saw his sensei standing on top of the Hokage Tower, dressed in his Hokage garbs for the first time and delivering the promise that he would protect Konoha with his life. 

By the time Kakashi had woken up, the first thing he noticed was that the blood that had permanently stained his hands was gone.

Chapter Text

“Hokage-sama, you called for me?” Kakashi knelt down on one knee, his body arched forward in a respectful bow. Spikes of silver hair fell forward, seemingly obscuring his peripheral vision, but Kakashi was acutely aware of everything that was happening in the room. The Third Hokage sat behind his desk, calm and poised as always, except this time, the cigar pipe was noticeably missing. The surface of the desk was surprisingly sparse, save for the singular scroll that rested in the middle. 

The usual light-hearted atmosphere of the Hokage office, even when Kakashi came to receive his Anbu missions, was unusually dampened by a more serious undertone. 

When Kakashi felt the faintest flicker of Minato’s chakra signature outside the office, he instantly put the pieces together. Moments later, his sensei slipped through the open crack of the window. Hiruzen nodded in acknowledgement. In the next second, a soundproof barrier had surrounded the room, disguised by a carefully crafted genjutsu.

“Minato is very close to deciphering the sealing formula that brought his team here. Unfortunately, our archives are incomplete so there’s one section of it that he’s not able to figure out.” 

Kakashi said nothing. Although he was his student, his fuinjutsu knowledge was just barely passable, still leagues behind Minato and Kushina. If Minato, even a younger version, couldn’t figure it out, there was no chance Kakashi had anything to contribute. 

“Jiraiya is also out of the village at the moment. We’re having trouble getting in contact with him,” Hiruzen continued. “Minato thinks there might still be some ancient relics at the Uzushio ruins that can help. I would like you to escort Team Minato there.” 

Make sure they remain unseen, was the unspoken condition of the mission. On paper, this would be documented as a solo investigation mission. In reality, Kakashi was tasked with keeping Team Minato out of sight, while Minato tried to find the answers he needed. By the end of it all, Kakashi was meant to return as one. 

A sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, but Kakashi still forced himself to nod and accept the mission scroll with steady hands. He knew that they would leave eventually, didn’t he? There was always the lingering thought in the back of his mind that the day would come tomorrow, but until now, the timeline had been riddled with uncertainty. 

“Team Minato will depart tomorrow. You are dismissed.” 

The infinite tomorrows had come to an end. Their tomorrow was their final tomorrow, while his tomorrow would continue to lead into infinite tomorrows that he didn’t deserve.

Once again, it reminded him that they were all dead.

The sight before him was all too familiar, yet different at the same time. Like usual, Team Minato traveled in their diamond shaped formation, with Minato and Kakashi respectively leading and covering the end of their formation, except this time the roles were reversed. Even though Kakashi was assigned the team leader of the squad, he still unknowingly defaulted to Minato’s judgment. It wasn’t until well after they had departed did Kakashi realize that he had been given the role of bringing up the rear in their formation – the position often left to the strongest member of the squad. 

In a way, that was Minato’s way of silently acknowledging Kakashi’s skills, but at the same time, it only served as another stark reminder of the reason why Kakashi even been given the chance to “surpass” him in the first place. 

Minato was at the helm of the formation, setting a swift but still reasonable pace. Having studied the map of the Fire Country the night before, Minato had become so well-versed in the slight changes of terrain that he expertly navigated their team around the danger zones. 

Behind him were his three students. Young Kakashi flanked the right of the formation, with Obito on the left and Rin somewhere in the middle. The three of them were uncharacteristically quiet, all focus directed at the next tree branch in front of them. 

By the time the sun had fully risen in the sky, the team was a good distance away from Konoha. At some point, they had even crossed the same place where Kakashi first met them. Last week’s rain had long washed away the blood that stained the clearing, but all of them still retained vivid memories of that day. A slight hitch of their breaths upon the realization of what that place had been was their only outward reaction before they kept moving.

Noon was the first time the team touched down from the trees. Minato was the first to jump down into the clearing, signalling for the rest of them to wait. While Minato scoured the clearing for any signs of life, Kakashi did the same from above. The two of them turned, making eye contact and simultaneously giving the “all clear” sign. 

Just as a precaution, Kakashi still doused the entire clearing in multiple layers of genjutsu, expertly painting the illusion of a pack of wolves resting in the clearing. Meanwhile, Minato had thrown up a sound proof barrier, while the kids had jumped straight into their normal mission routine. Young Kakashi was already knee-deep in the stream, sleeves rolled up in preparation of catching fish barehanded. Obito and Rin wandered off into the forest, one to collect sticks, while the other went off to pick edible fruits and berries. 

Was it even a good idea to start up a fire? That thought flickered in his mind, but any brief notions of protest was quickly snuffed out when Kakashi examined his former team move together in unison, wordlessly dividing up their duties. Their innocence made their movements seem too carefree; Kakashi bristled each time Team Minato made too much noise. 

His paranoia spoke volumes, while theirs was mostly non-existent – their shoulders lacked the same tension that corded his own. Every single muscle in his body was pulled taut, coils tightened on springs, ready to jump into action at any given moment. Young Kakashi hardly even reacted when a fish jumped in his face, when Kakashi would have long electrocuted it before it had even gotten close to his face. 

In a way, Kakashi envied them, yet at the same time, he had been too conditioned to be a battle-hardened soldier that there wasn’t a chance he could return to the way he once was. Relaxing was a near impossible task; his instincts were constantly on high alert to the point where it almost consumed his entire being. 

It also saved his life on multiple occasions. 

Seeing them like this was nostalgic, but also brought a level of discomfort that Kakashi didn’t know he was capable of feeling. Instead of standing in the clearing – he was too open, too vulnerable – he desperately wanted nothing more than to seek refuge in the obscurity of the trees. Starting a fire, having a warm meal, and heck even stopping to take a break, those were all non-existent to an Anbu operative. 

Protocol dictated that fires were allowed depending on the mission circumstances. This was probably one of those times, seeing that they were still within home territory, but it had been years and years since Kakashi had taken a normal mission that he wasn’t accustomed to this anymore. His normal was ration bars, soldier pills, and sleeping with one eye open. 

The sight before him dispelled the bleakness of his normal, seemingly restoring a little bit of color to his routine. Maybe this was okay, maybe this wasn’t, but in the moment, Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to do anything but to cherish. Unknowingly, he had activated his Sharingan to forever imprint this image in his mind.

The smirk on young Kakashi’s face as he caught three fish in quick succession. Rin’s eyes wide in awe, while Obito grumbled his respect underneath his mouth. Obito quickly set up the base of the fire, while Rin and Kakashi gutted the fish and stringing them through wooden sticks. Minato somewhere in the distance, setting various traps to secure the perimeter, but still acutely aware of his students’ every movement. 

And then Obito lighting up camp with his clan’s famed fireball jutsu, the red and orange tendril of flames chasing away the last bits of darkness. Young Kakashi started to grill the fish, while Rin passed around a handful of berries to everyone. 

Rin turned, a bright smile on her face, as she beckoned Kakashi to join them. Kakashi blinked. This wasn’t a dream. This couldn’t have been a dream, not when he could feel Rin’s warm hand close in around his wrist to pull him closer to the fire. Not when he could feel the scalding sensation on his tongue when he had taken a first bite of the grilled fish. Not when he could feel an unfamiliar warmth spreading through his body, in a way that had nothing to do with his proximity to the fire. 

This was the Team Minato that he remembered. This was the Team Minato that he wanted to remember them by, not the damned falling boulders or the haunting cries of his name or the bloody aftermath of the Kyuubi attack. 

“Thank you,” Kakashi murmured so quietly that the sound of his voice was drowned out by the sound of the crackling flames. It didn’t matter that no one else heard him because for the first time since they had shown up, Kakashi could finally look them in the eye. 

He could finally look at them without seeing the faint outlines of their ghosts standing next to them.

Uzushiokurage was a village that once stood as a tall and proud ally of Konoha, only to be devastated during the beginning of the Second Great Shinobi War, with its survivors seeking refuge across the world. As an island nation surrounded by torrential whirlpools all year long and the bridge that once connected the Fire Country to the Whirlpool Country long destroyed, the village was never rebuilt. Even two decades after its devastation, the aftermath of the destruction was still visible. 

Piles of rubble marked once where buildings had been. A large crack ran jagged through the ground, filled with years’ worth of rain to form a makeshift stream. Luscious greenery was now blanketed by the dry-green weeds that ran amok. The waves crashing against the shore and the occasional squawk of the seagull were the only sounds of life that remained on this island.

“Sensei, this…” Obito was at a loss of how to finish his thought. They had learned about the destruction of Uzushio during the Academy, but seeing it was an entirely different experience. Even Kakashi, who had been privy to the destruction resulting from the Third Great Ninja War, had felt chills creep up his spine from the moment he stepped onto the island. 

“This was where Kushina grew up,” Minato explained, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “She told me stories about how beautiful her village once was. I promised Kushina that whenever I became Hokage that I would help her rebuild her village.” 

The rebuild had been one of the list of many things that Minato intended to accomplish during his tenure. Unfortunately, his time in the office had barely lasted long enough to even crack the top ten items on his list – his legacy cut brutally short to the point where no one seemed to even remember his short stint in office. If not for the face on the Hokage mountain, Kakashi wondered if anyone would even acknowledge that they had a Fourth Hokage at all. 

“I want to be the first to visit when you do!” Obito proclaimed. Minato smiled, ruffling the Uchiha’s hair. 

“Of course. I’ll even let you name some of the landmarks,” Minato promised, to which young Kakashi had scoffed and pointed out that Obito’s naming skills were somehow on par with Minato’s horrible jutsu names and letting the two of them name anything was just a recipe for disaster. Obito sputtered in offense, while Minato smiled sheepishly. Rin giggled, while trying to hold back Obito from his efforts to punch young Kakashi in the face. 

They walked through the village, with Obito pointing at various piles of rubble and declaring their building names. The names sounded as credible as Obito’s excuses for being late, which only further proved young Kakashi’s point. 

Obito turned the tables on young Kakashi, challenging him to come up with a better name. Young Kakashi rose to the challenge, and while Obito’s names were silly and almost comical, young Kakashi’s names were bland and basic. Minato joined in on the fun; his names were too long winded for anyone to remember. Rin contributed a few of her own, probably the best of all the suggestions, but still not memorable enough. 

“Alright settle down,” Minato interjected. “Don’t forget that we have a mission to complete.” 

The commotion immediately ceased. The silence that followed was deafening. 

“Alright, there’s a few places that we want to investigate.” Minato knelt down on the ground next to a flat slab of rubble. He unraveled a green scroll, showing a map of Uzushio before its destruction. On the map were a few red marked circles, locations of known temples or ancient Uzushio relics. 

“We’ll start here and here.” Minato pointed at the two red circles closest to what was formerly the center of the village. “We’ll split up into two teams. Kakashi, you’re with me. Obito and Rin, you’ll go with Anbu Kakashi.” 

Kakashi blinked in surprise at the team arrangement. If anything, it should have been him on his own, with the rest of them following Minato or splitting off as their own unit. 

“We have five locations to cover,” Rin mused. “Wouldn’t it be more efficient to split up into three groups?” 

“On this team, only Anbu Kakashi and I have enough fuinjutsu knowledge to even decipher it, so we can only split up into two teams.” 

Kakashi narrowed his eye. “You overestimate my knowledge.” 

“And you sell yourself short,” Minato quipped. “I’ve seen the seals that you placed  around your apartment. They’re not something that a beginner can make. Besides, even if you can’t understand it, your Sharingan can help us replicate it.” 

Even though that didn’t explain why Rin and Obito were on his team, Kakashi didn’t bother to argue. He simply took one glance at the map with his Sharingan, committing the layout of the entire village to memory, and started to lead the way without caring if his team was following him. 

They were, judging from Obito’s obnoxiously loud footsteps behind him. 

“Hey older Bakashi, can I ask you something?” Obito sped up his space, almost speed walking to keep up with Kakashi’s longer strides. Despite the boy now standing beside him, Kakashi didn’t spare him a glance. He kept walking, keeping all of his attention focused on the mission. 

“Do you ever regret coming back to save us?” 

Kakashi’s steps faltered. “What?”

“On the Kannabi Bridge mission,” Obito clarified. “The mission report said that you and I had an argument and we split ways, but then you showed up later to save me and Rin. Do you ever regret it?” 

“Does it even matter?” There were many more regrets that he harbored in his heart than the one of many stupid decisions he made on his first jounin mission. 

“Of course it matters! We probably would have both died that day if you didn’t come. Then at least you wouldn’t have to witness our deaths.” 

“Yeah so I can spend the rest of my life hating myself for not going with you?” Bitterness dripped from his voice. “How is that any better?” 

Obito didn’t have an answer. 

“If you must know, the only regret that I have is not telling you how stupid you were to sacrifice your life for someone like me.” 

Obito huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what it is with you and your stubbornness, but believe it or not, you deserve to be saved. I don’t know what my future self was thinking, but if I had a chance to do it all over again, I would make the same choice.” 

Kakashi could only shake his head in disapproval.

Minato’s fingers traced over the fading ink, following the curve of every brush and stroke that embedded the secrets of the Uzumaki clan’s fuinjutsu. A dim stream of light shone from the flashlight in his left hand that illuminated the expansive web of neverending strokes that formulated indecipherable gibberish to those who were outsiders. To someone who had spent years absorbing all of the fuinjutsu knowledge that he could get his hands on, the writing on the wall had unlocked another world. If he wasn’t on a ticking clock, Minato knew that he could let himself be trapped here for weeks trying to learn all of this. 

“Kakashi, copy this down. Make sure you capture every single detail.” Minato gestured vaguely at a section of the wall that was related to a time-space fuinjutsu. While his student busied himself trying to replicate the writing on the wall, Minato continued scanning the rest of the wall for anything of use. Too many times did he have to force himself to tear his eyes away from a particularly interesting fuinjutsu theory. 

Maybe when he returned to his world he could convince the Sandiame to let him explore the Uzushio ruins. Better yet, it could be his first self-assigned mission when he became Hokage. 

“Sensei, I’m done.” Kakashi’s voice echoed in the enclosure. 

“Great, come here. I need you to copy down this part too.” 

The two of them fell into a comfortable routine. Kakashi, replicating the sealing on the wall, while Minato pinpointed the areas of interest. Attempting to decipher it was going to take a lot more time than they had to spare, so Minato opted to gather all of the intel that he possibly could and would sort it out later. Besides, he was certain Anbu Kakashi was doing the same thing. 

In just under two hours, they had finished exploring the first location and were on their way to the second one when Kakashi couldn’t hold in his curiosity anymore. 

“Minato sensei, why did you assign Obito and Rin to his team? I thought…” 

“You think it’s a bad idea?” 

Kakashi sheepishly nodded. “I know he blames himself for their deaths and that seeing them brings back those memories. Aren’t we just hurting him more?” 

“On the contrary, I think spending time with them will give him a chance to come to terms with himself. What do you think, Kakashi? He’s you after all.” 

Even six years after his father’s suicide, Sakumo’s death still weighed on him. Coming to terms with it wasn’t as easily said as done and spending a few extra hours with the ghosts that haunted him seemed to do more harm than good. But what did Kakashi know? 

His future self was a lot stronger than he liked to give himself credit for.

Kakashi tried to ignore them. He tried to put his attention on deciphering the fuinjutsu secrets on the wall, while the tomoes in his Sharingan spun rapidly as his eye committed everything to memory. Yet, there was a small part of him that remained distracted. That small part of him made him all too aware of Obito and Rin’s every movement, made him so hyperaware of their presence that Kakashi unconsciously started to shift his attention onto them.

There was Obito, standing right by one section of the wall, squinting in the darkness to make out the lines of the ink. Confusion stretched across his features, hands shaking nervously as the pencil touched paper. The blank slate was filled with uncertain strokes that left Obito turning his lips downwards in dissatisfaction. 

He glanced over at Rin, who was sitting cross-legged with her sketchpad on her legs. Her pages were filled with careful and delicate strokes, mirroring something like the writing on the wall, but still missing minor details. Rin seemed to notice that someone was staring at her and looked up, leading Obito to clutch his notebook tightly to his chest. 

“Did you finish already?” 

Obito let out an awkward chuckle. “Ahhh well you know I don’t really understand fuinjutsu. It’s hard to replicate something when you don’t know what any of it means.” 

Rin patted the spot on the ground next to her. Obito obediently sat down and Rin started to point at the symbols on the wall, explaining patiently what each of them meant. Although Rin’s knowledge of fuinjutsu only barely scratched the basics, Kakashi remembered that she had been the most knowledgeable out of all of them at that age. Even his younger self probably was just as confused as Obito was, even if he would never admit it. 

“So what does this mean?” Obito pointed at the wall. 

“It’s an anchor.” The two kids flinched at the appearance of a third voice. Kakashi blinked; when did he approach them? 

“Anchor?” Rin asked, likely to diffuse the awkward tension between them. 

“With a teleportation technique like Minato sensei’s, you need something to anchor yourself to or else you’ll potentially hurl yourself into the void. For sensei, the special markings on his kunai is his anchor for his destination.” 

Rin’s eyes widened in understanding. “So if an anchor is needed to travel through space, then wouldn’t the same principle apply if we traveled through time? There’s an anchor that’s keeping us here?” 

Theories began to churn in Kakashi’s mind. He asked them how they even ended up time traveling in the first place; something that he would have found out long ago if Kakashi hadn’t been so intent on avoiding them. Apparently, it was during one of Sensei’s fuinjutsu experiments gone wrong – he’d been trying to show them his latest creation, only for it to take them here. 

“The jutsu was suppose to open up a portal and send things to a different destination,” Rin attempted to explain to him. “Sensei said that means he can absorb enemy jutsu and then send it away.” 

“A space ninjutsu,” Kakashi murmured underneath his breath. If it involved space, then how did it warp them into the future? There shouldn’t have been any element of time coded into his sealing formula…

Space. Dimension travel? 

Was that even possible? His former team was a carbon copy of what he remembered in his memories; there was nothing to suggest that they were from a different space dimension than he was. 

But if this incident did happen, then why didn’t Kakashi have any recollection of it? He should have remembered this trip in time, but even if not, he couldn’t remember Minato ever showing off his experiments. 

“How many years has it been since the founding of Konoha?” 

“Eight six years.” 

Kakashi kept firing off questions, which Rin answered with ease, while Obito debated with himself whether or not he wanted to ask someone what was going on. Kakashi wasn’t too sure of it either, but by the end of his interrogation, his far-fetched theory didn’t seem so ridiculous anymore. 

“Kakashi, did you figure out something?” 

There were too many thoughts swirling in his mind to summarize. He needed days to sort through everything he had just learned, maybe bounce some ideas around with Minato. With that in mind, Kakashi beckoned for Obito and Rin to rise to their feet, informing them that they needed to regroup with Minato and young Kakashi. 

Just as Kakashi took the first step towards the exit of the cave, the ground rumbled beneath their feet. Obito let out a yelp as he struggled to regain his balance. Rin’s hand shot outwards, bracing herself against the wall. Kakashi turned, ready to yell at them to hurry. 

The command died in his throat at the sight of a falling boulder that headed straight for Obito.