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They caught her as she was passing Quark’s, headed home after a final briefing with Odo. Nerys hadn’t intended to do anything else that evening besides eat something and meditate, but as usual neither Julian nor Jadzia had any consideration for her plans. They must have seen her through the open doors, because as she was passing by, she heard Jadzia calling her by name, “Kira! Come on in!”

Against her better judgement, Nerys decided not to pretend she hadn’t heard her. Jadzia was impossible to miss and she knew it—it would only hurt her feelings. Despite knowing her plans were about to be completely destroyed, she let herself be called into Quark’s. 

Jadzia and Julian were sitting at a table near the entrance, both grinning widely. Jadzia was watching Nerys approach, and appeared to be genially ignoring Julian, who was wiggling his eyebrows at her, even as he pulled a third chair up to their table with his foot.

“Have a seat!” Jadzia encouraged, and Julian, too, turned his attention to Nerys, nodding enthusiastically.

“I really was just planning to go home and get some rest,” Nerys demurred, and she received immediate frowns in return.

“Have you been sleeping badly?” asked Jadzia, sounding concerned.

She had, but she didn’t need to make that their problem. She was dealing with it. “It’s the end of my shift. I was going to have dinner, meditate for a while.”

“It’s hardly into the evening, Major. You would have plenty of time to do that and get nine hours of sleep before your next shift, even if you stayed with us for a couple hours. Do you need a sleep aid?”

“No!” snapped Nerys, more harshly than she meant to. Julian’s frown deepened briefly before his expression smoothed out.

“Apologies, Major.”

Nerys sighed, dropping into the empty chair. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. But there’s no medicine you can give me to make me stop dreaming.”

Julian’s head dipped in acknowledgement. “That’s safe for Bajorans? Not that I know of.” 

“How was your day, Kira?” asked Jadzia, clearly seeking to change the subject.

Nerys smiled grimly. “Well, the provisional government is keeping Odo updated on the progress of the high court’s deliberations over Kainon. Murder is a crime, of course, but it’s not necessarily popular to say that it’s murder to kill a Cardassian. One of the first things the high court did when it was re-established was extend amnesty towards people who killed Cardassians during the Occupation. Now to say that someone is a murderer for killing a Cardassian who was at Gallitep? People don’t like it.” There was an awkward silence at the table in the aftermath.

“Kira, I’m sorry,” Jadzia said, suddenly. “I should have realized. Also, I’m sorry for the other day.”

Nerys wracked her mind for something in the past couple days that Jadzia had done. “For what?” she asked eventually, frowning with confusion.

“I pushed you, during the Marritza case. Bothered you about vengeance and justice and catharsis. You were going through a difficult time, and it must have seemed, I don’t know, patronizing.” Jadzia’s blue eyes were wide as she leaned earnestly towards Nerys. Nerys remembered the conversation now, remembered staring out at the stars after Jadzia had left and wondering how the other woman had brought all her whirling thoughts into line, feeling at once deeply understood and horridly chastised. 

“It’s fine,” she said eventually, awkwardly. “You were right. Executing him wouldn’t have helped anything. Killing cowards never did.” Unbidden, a memory from her nightmares and her past returned to her—a Cardassian man much like Marritza must have been, sitting in his office with his head in his hands as outside, the commanding officer lined up members of Nerys’s cell before a firing squad. Seconds later, Nerys had leapt out a window at the end of the hall and the rest of the Shakaar had burst into the courtyard to rescue their comrades. Nerys had been the one to trigger the bombs that took out the entire building.

“Still,” said Jadzia, “you knew that. You didn’t need me to tell you.”

“I didn’t want to know it,” Nerys admitted. “You said it yourself. I wanted him to be guilty.”

“In some ways, he was,” Julian put in. “I think he knew that, or why would he have pretended to be Gul Darhe’el?”

“There’s a quote from a Terran religious figure,” Jadzia murmured. “Curzon learned quite a lot about Earth history from Benjamin. ‘If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.’ Marritza was complicit. Every adult Cardassian on Bajor was complicit.”

“It still doesn’t solve anything to kill them,” answered Nerys. “It doesn’t even feel good.”

“Exactly,” said Jadzia. “It’s not about what’s fair. It’s about what will let you move forward and build a future.”

They sat in silence for a moment, and then Julian tilted his head at Nerys. “Is this what you’ve been dreaming about?”

Her instinct was to be defensive, and she sat up straight to tell him off before realizing that there was no real point in denying it. He clearly already knew. “Yes,” she admitted in defeat. “Among other things.”

He nodded. “Gallitep, probably. Listen, Major, right now there’s no medication I can offer you for this. But have you considered talking to someone about it? A professional, I mean. That might help you process the trauma and move forward, like Jadzia was saying.”

Nerys was already shaking her head before he finished. “It’s bad enough to tell you. I’m not going to talk to some stranger about it. Everyone on Bajor has something that keeps them awake at night, Doctor. Many people have more than me. Why should I need special attention?”

“That’s a terrible reason not to seek help,” Julian began, and Nerys saw Jadzia shake her head sharply at him. He stopped.

“I don’t want to talk to a Starfleet therapist,” Nerys said with finality. 

Julian crossed his arms and studied her for a moment. “Fine. I won’t push you on it, as long as you promise to talk to someone when you need help. Me, or Jadzia, or somebody else who can make sure you’re safe.”

She frowned. “What do you mean, safe? I’m not in any danger.”

“For instance, someone who can make sure that, even if your sleep is interrupted, you aren’t staying awake for so long that it causes health issues.” Julian raised an eyebrow. “Someone who can make sure you aren’t isolating yourself. Someone who can listen to your problems and maybe help you process them.”

This was ridiculous, and she said so. Again, Julian looked like he wanted to protest, but a glance at Jadzia seemed to change his mind. Kira ground her teeth, feeling outnumbered. Julian sighed. “Very well. Will you promise to at least be honest with us and accept our help? As friends, and also as your concerned doctor.”

Julian took his responsibilities as a doctor very seriously. He wouldn’t let anything drop if he thought he was going to be prevented from making her better. “I’ll do my best,” she offered, and watched him relax. Jadzia smiled at her, her dazzling, delighted smile.

“Thank you, Kira,” she said, and despite herself Nerys was pleased that she had made Jadzia smile like that. “Now, enough of that for tonight. Kira, we should let you rest, but let me make it up to you first. What do you want for supper? While we’re eating, I’ll tell you about Lela’s first visit to Coridan—she nearly caused a diplomatic incident—”

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When Nerys made it back to her quarters two hours later, having heard stories about three Dax hosts and watched Julian flirt atrociously over his soup, she was tired. She had enjoyed joining Jadzia and Julian for supper, once they had stopped hounding her about her sleeping, but it had been a long day. Shrugging off her uniform jacket, she made her way over to her small shrine and lit the meditation candles, then the duranja lamp for Kai Opaka. Then she settled on the floor and sank into her prayers. Meditation would help relax her before bed.

When she surfaced again, there was a blinking notification on her personal console. It didn’t look too urgent, so she wandered over to open it.

It was from Julian, but when Nerys opened it, she found that he hadn’t worked alone.

Major Kira, it read, I hope some of these suggestions help. I didn’t tell anyone about your difficulty sleeping, obviously. I just asked for their non-medical recommendations. The recommendations came from a variety of people. The Commander recommended a substantial snack before bed, to which Julian added the recommendation bird eggs, chicken or porli; bread and cheese; oatmeal made with milk.  

Leeta recommended slow stretches after one’s evening meditation, to which Julian had noted yes! and included a file of an illustrated guide. 

Chief O’Brien talked with his wife before bed. Julian wrote I do not recommend calling the Chief’s wife before bed. When was the last time you called any of your friends planetside?  

Jadzia had sent along a list of warm drinks, including the replicator codes, and the recommendation of relaxing music. She had even included several playlists. Nerys chose one, a Tellerite symphony, and let it play while she read the rest of the letter. Alongside Jadzia’s list of drinks, Julian had included notes on which ones he thought would be most effective for Bajoran physiology. One note simply said THIS WILL TASTE BAD, JADZIA . Out of the amused spite which governed many of her interactions with the Doctor, Nerys ordered it from the replicator immediately, only to spit it back into the cup after a single mouthful. She made a face at the message open on her console. The arrogant human did have to always be right.

Julian himself had sent a list of audio files. His message read When I am having trouble sleeping, I don’t like being alone. Even sharing space with a friend helps. Sometimes, if I can’t find any grounding company, listening to someone speaking helps remind me where I am. Each of these playlists is a series of lectures on peaceful, innocuous topics. They help me fall asleep. Hopefully they can help you, too. The playlists had names like “Flowers of Ancient Trill,” “Pastoral Poetry of Terra and her Colonies,” or “Painting and Sculpture in New-Warp Betazed.” They all seemed strange and not particularly interesting, but Nerys found herself strangely touched by the gesture.

If none of these help, Julian wrapped up, at least call some of your friends from Bajor. Take some time off to go visit them. It will help. 

Sleep well, Major.

The Tellerite symphony kept piping into the room as Nerys stepped back. The musty taste of Jadzia’s worst recommendation still lingered in her mouth, so she chose something different from the list ( florals quite nice) . It was good. She sat down on her bed and crossed her legs, closing her eyes, listening to the music.

When she had finished the sweet, floral tea, before she climbed into bed, she cued up the “Flowers of Ancient Trill” playlist. When she woke up in the middle of the night, she could try it. As the symphony transitioned into its third movement, she curled up under her blankets and tried to let herself sink into the bed. Before she quite knew it, between one long note and another, she slept.