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Rand didn’t expect to bury one body today, let alone two.
For such an eventful night, it started off normal enough. Rand was sitting at his desk, trying not to bang his head against it as he stared down at three sets of science homework. Who knew Jr. year of chemistry was going to be so hard?
He needed to get these done, but he kept getting distracted. Okay. That was a lie. What actually happened is he sat on the edge of his bed and thought about how much he needed to do the homework, for hours. But he didn’t want to do it. But he couldn’t do anything else until he did that homework. So he just sat there.
Sometimes it felt like something was broken in him, like a motor that stalled out when you were just trying to get to work on time.
But he needed to do the homework because that was the deal. Rand was good at science, he did all three’s chemistry homework. Kian was good with math, he did that. Rolan was good at doing whatever Kian and Rand didn’t want to, so he often did reading, writing, history, spanish... yeah. One person was carrying more than the others. But Rolan hated math and science with a passion so he eventually gave into the plan. Together, they made a singular fully functional student.
They didn’t talk about it much, but Rolan and Kian were the ones to come up with this plan, so Rand didn’t fail out after everything that happened. He couldn’t fucking help it that his sister went missing, he thinks it would be fair if he never had to do homework again in compensation.
It was nearing 8:30 when Rand had just gotten through half of the work. His dad had pulled the family car up, coming back from work about 7, and about thirty minutes after Rand had climbed downstairs to his mother’s calls for dinner, grabbed a plate of beans, coleslaw, and two hot-dogs and carried it up to the attic, with promises that he was studying, mom, and he needed to focus.
He was focused. Rand was a little weird, because sometimes he could just- focus. Like, extreme focus. Like… it’s six hours later, 3 a.m. in the morning, and Rand suddenly realizes that he is human, that other things exist, and he’s super hungry and needs to piss. Other times, he just couldn’t. His mind would wander, he would fidget with his hands, he couldn’t listen, he would bounce his leg. His teachers always thought he was just slacking, he needed to apply himself and stop doodling all the time during class, but Rand couldn’t exactly explain without sounding insane that if he wasn’t doing something else, something extra, he was going to literally explode from the inside out.
Clink
Rand felt his entire body jump in his skin, the small noise coming from the window breaking him out of his hyperfocus as he dropped his pencil down in surprise. Pushing back his chair with a racing heart, he went to the third story window and peered out onto the front lawn.
The sun was set, a lingering radiance of orange still hanging out in the bottom fourth of the sky. The cicadas were out tonight, it was nearing the warmer season of summer, just months away from school being done for the year. They chirped like a symphony tonight as Rand opened the window with the crank, to greet the person standing below.
“Rolan! Dude!” Rand yelled down, seeing the familiar lanky form and black hair from above. It wasn’t uncommon for one of his friends to grab his attention Romeo and Juliet style by throwing something light up at his window. “Whatcha over here for?”
Rolan looked up, a small pebble in his hand like he hadn’t expected the first one to hit true. He was wearing a dorky button up with a striped vest over it, one that Rand would tease him for if Kian hadn’t told him it was stylish. Rolan always had that good kid next door vibe, whereas Rand was still riding his casual greaser phase, with a jean jacket instead of a leather one, but of course a white tee-shirt, blue-jeans and some black stomping boots. Rand was trying out a slicked back hair jell look right now, whereas Rolan wouldn’t try anything else other than his good boy side part. Come to mention it, that good boy side part was looking a bit messy, in fact, Rolan was looking a bit messy. Squinting down, he seemed a bit muddy, maybe even a little wet. Odd, considering what he was wearing. No outfit for a swim, or even a trek through the bayou.
“Rand, I need to talk to you.”
Rand felt something inside him shift at the uneasy tone. He doesn’t think he has ever heard Rolan talk like that. Like he was… afraid. The air shifted from seeing a friend to oh shit something happened. And Rand is an expert on oh shit, something happened.
“I’ll be down in a second, man, just hang loose.” Rand felt pricks of energy down his spine, and he slammed the window shut, rushing to throw on his shoes, and he slid down his attic ladder, landing with a large thud.
“Honey, where are you going?” Rand’s mom asked from the kitchen where she was doing dishes, their puppy Barc by her feet licking the plates clean as they were put in the dishwasher. His dad was on the couch with a beer, watching football, and Rand brushed past both of them, grabbing keys off of the key hook.
“I’m taking Blue out for a drive.” Blue was the beat up blue truck he and his dad had salvaged from the landfill. They were supposed to be fixing it together, some forced son-father time, but his dad was always too tired for work, more like he didn’t care enough. So Rand had basically taken on the project himself, and it was running well enough that as long as he had jumper cables in the back he should be fine. “Just need to get my mind off of homework, a quick break. I’ll be right back.”
“Alright.” Donna pursed her lips, not happy with him leaving so late. “Curfew at-”
“9:30, I know mom I know.” Rand opened the front door, only pausing to say goodbye to his mom before he closed it. “Love you.”
The curfew was new. A couple years new. And Rand never left without saying love you to his mama, didn’t know when it would be his last.
When Rand got outside, Rolan was standing on the porch out of line of sight of the windows. He was slouched more than usual, both arms up hugging close to his body. He was dirty, Rand could see that clearly now. Mud up to his knees, even his face dripping with water. If Rand would guess he would assume he got pushed into the bayou.
“I have an hour and the keys to Blue.” Rand held up the keys, jiggling them as he did so. Rolan looked up at him, his face was pale. “Dude, you're sopping wet.”
Rolan bit his lip nervously, and a quick eye glance flicked between the house, the window where his mom was next to, then back to Rand, and then Blue. “Yeah. I guess I am.”
“Alright.” Rand didn’t like this. “Get in the car. We’ll go for a drive, you can tell me what’s up.”
What Rand was guessing, Rolan probably had a bad run in with the town clowns, what some would call jocks, and some would call bullies. Probably while he was taking those freaky sunset walks down the riverside and docks. Rand hated that Rolan still did that, after everything. If anything, he seemed to do it more now.
“Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.”
Rand pretended not to notice Rolan’s hands shaking as he buckled, the flinching as Rand slammed his door shut. Blue was a mess, always was, and he threw some shit into the backseat before he turned the key and she purred to life.
He skid out the driveway, recklessly going in reverse faster than he should, and they hit the road. He rolled the windows down. Tonight was a nice night out, but he did drive slower for Rolan's sake, and as soon as the radio came on he turned it down to a lower level. He saw Rolan sitting still in the passenger seat, eyes glancing out the window, like he was worried they were going to get caught by the fuzz.
“Alright man, what’s got you so uptight? Lay it on me.” Rand glanced at Rolan’s side profile from the rearview mirror, angling it so he could glance at his friend, while looking discreet.
“I- I don’t think-” Rand winced as Rolan stuttered. Okay. Shit happened, like shit shit. “I think I need to show you. I don’t think- I don’t think I could explain, without me sounding absolutely insane-”
“Woah there, Ro. Alright. Don’t sweat it. Where we heading?”
“I- go towards the cemetery.”
Rand grimaced, his theory seeming more true. Rolan probably got messed up on one of those walks of his. Nonetheless, Rand took it a bit easier, Blue sputtering and popping like she always did. It took a couple minutes to get to the edge of town, and Rand turned Blue down the one way gravel road, the smell of heat and water coming in through the cracked windows. Small blips of firefly light surrounded either side of the road, the cacophony of crickets, frogs, birds and tires on gravel almost drowned out Rolan’s harsh breathing in the passenger seat.
The fucking cemetery, of all places. Rand really hopes whatever happened to Rolan wasn’t bad, but was just bad enough that he stopped pulling this shit. Not like he would ever say that though.
He pulled up into the small dirt parking lot, and seeing how they were out of city limits, he reached under the seat and grabbed a box of cigarettes and a lighter, lighting one up and taking a drag as he stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind him.
He stepped around the car and saw Rolan standing with the door still open, he made no move to close it. Just… standing. Rand huffed smoke out of his nose and walked closer, noting the wide eyed stare he had, almost like a deer frozen at a twig snapping, not towards the cemetery but into the dark forest.
“I’m sorry, Rand. I think- thank you for driving me- but- I think we should go back- I don’t know-” Rolan didn’t tear his eyes from the forest, his hands went back up to that defensive position, hugging himself, but this time Rand noticed the red scratch marks in his arms from his fingertips.
This wasn’t right. Rolan was acting very odd. But instead of turning Rand away, it made him oddly defensive. What could have possibly happened to make Rolan so scared? He didn’t look hurt, at least, not that Rand could see. Maybe it was an animal? No, Rolan wouldn’t take Rand back to hunt a dangerous animal, that was far stupider than what Rolan was capable of. The idea of someone making Rolan this scared made something inside of him heat up, the feeling right before he jumped into a fight with someone who was mouthing off. He had his fair share of fights, fights he thought were justified. He had always jumped into fights for Rolan and Kian. People were mean to Rolan because he excelled at sports despite never showing up to practice (he was a bit of a pushover, Rand couldn’t stand watching Rolan take the verbal abuse and a couple swings with no defense), and people loved to call Kian slurs and queer just because he had some fucking taste (although Kian was more likely to tear people down verbally first, he was more likely to throw hands than Rolan was). And then anyone who dared mess with Rachel messed with her big brother, then after her disappearance whoever talked gossip or shit about everything that happened got a fist to the face, often without warning. He had gotten detention more times than he could count, and without the school's sympathy over what happened he should probably be expelled, he had certainly been suspended enough.
He sighed, almost sounding like a deep throated growl, and popped open the trunk and pulled out a baseball bat, one he kept in Blue for multiple reasons. He had used it maybe two times to actually play baseball, once to smash someone’s lights in, and at least three times to defend himself and intimidate anyone from making the first move. He had never actually hit anyone with it yet, but tonight could be the night.
“That way, huh?” Rand gestured the way Rolan was looking with the cigarette, the baseball bat rested on his shoulder held by his other hand.
“We should head back- your curfew-”
“Not another 40 minutes.” Rand started to walk forward, looking over his shoulder to see if Rolan was following. He wasn’t.
“There’s nothing there. I lied. Sorry. We should go home now.”
Rand stopped walking. He was getting a bit angry now, even though it wasn’t directed at Rolan, he saw Rolan slouch down a little more at his sharp gaze. Rand caught the action and forced himself to take a breath, and lowered the baseball bat from his shoulder and almost dragged it across the ground as he walked back to Rolan, forcing himself to let go of the pre-fight tenseness he had been building up. He could feel the gravel under his shoes, smell the smoke in the air as he dropped the cigarette to reach up (Rolan was very tall, after all) and put a hand on Rolan’s shoulder. Pretending to not see Rolan flinch away, Rand tried to release the stress in his voice, trying to sound like he was just talking, like they would do any day.
“Hey man, listen. We drove all the way out here-” Rolan wouldn’t make eye contact with him. Where Rand touched him, he felt a slight moisture of almost dried water. “I have my bat, we have Blue as a getaway car, and we have each other. Alright? Whatever is so big and bad and scary that is in the forest, isn’t going to be a problem for us? Worst comes to worse we bounce, okay? Let’s just go check out whatever’s got your panties in a bunch, then we can head back.”
When Rolan didn’t answer, just kept looking at the ground, Rand slid his hand down Rolan’s arm and grabbed his hand. When Rand gently pulled forwards, Rolan didn’t resist and took a step forward with him, almost looking sheepish.
“Alright?”
“Okay.” Rolan’s hands were clammy, shaky. “I’m sorry.”
Rand started to lead Rolan to the forest line, the darkness looking a bit more intimidating than before. “Don’t be sorry, you ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry for.” He stepped into the forest, Rolan holding his hand walking behind him, twigs and leaves crunching under Rand’s heavy black boots. They would be so muddy by the time he got home, but it didn’t bother him much now. The foliage slowly blocked their view back to the parking lot, and Rand took special care to keep his internal compass in check so they wouldn’t get lost coming back.
“I’m sorry- I’m sorry it’s you. I’m sorry I came to you- I didn’t know who else-”
“Aye aye, stop with the fretting.” Rand squeezed his hand twice. “Are we going the right way? What’ch we looking for?”
“I don’t know.”
Rand pushed a branch out of the way. “Don’t know what?”
“I just- I just ran. I don’t know. I think- I-”
Rolan’s voice stopped, and his hand slipped from Rand’s. Rand, trying not to be visibly annoyed, stopped walking as well and looked back at Rolan, trying not to roll his eyes.
And he froze too.
Fear, visceral, real, fear. Painted across Rolan’s face. This wasn’t something that Rand had ever seen before. Rand loved watching campy horror films you can check out at the library. Sometimes they would have movie nights downstairs when he got permission, watching films on their dirty brown couch like night of the living dead, the birds, the haunting and the like. Rolan would loudly talk about how fake it was, or how cheesy the film was, but he always jumped at the jumpscares no matter what, while Kian laughed at them. Rand liked the fear, he liked the story, the fake blood and guts, he would often use the imagery and add it to his vocabulary to use in the next Dnd session. He had seen Rolan scared before. This was not that. He was as pale as a sheet, sweat down his forehead, pupils small and mouth slightly open. Shaking, but cemented to one spot. Rand’s stomach twisted, like it was tied in knots from the inside, and snapped around to follow where Rolan was looking, baseball bat now held in both hands defensively.
They had stumbled upon a clearing, right where the water reaches land. Canopy vines swayed like hanging men over the green-algae colored water, the sounds of cicadas chirping crashing down as the last of the light was starting to fade from the sky.
By the water, was something that looked like a body.
It was hard to tell in the dark, but in shock the baseball bat slipped out of Rand’s hands, it thudded softly on the grassy forest floor. It was too dark to make out anything without getting closer, but Rand felt like throwing up as he reached both hands up to his hair, running his fingers through it, or more like tugging it as he tried to comprehend what this meant.
Rand would be ashamed to admit, but his first thought was questioning if Rolan had killed a man.
His second thought was to check the body. Right away.
Adrenaline shot through his body, he jolted forward on shaky legs, and stumbled next to the dark silhouette.
The apologies of Rolan’s ramblings echoed through Rand’s head.
He fell to his knees, next to the body, coldness seeping into his body from the moist grass, sweat dripping down the back of his neck.
She looked the same as the night she went missing. It was three years later, you would think some blemish, some decomposition from the bayou waters would occur, but Rachel Rand looked untouched, practically healthy if not for her missing pulse.
She looked like she was sleeping.
Rand reached out with stuttering hands, almost as if he were to touch her, he would burn himself. Or maybe once he felt the dead skin, maybe it would be real. There would be no chance of the police ever finding her. No chance of getting that call one day that his sister was found. No chance of reuniting, of tears and sobbing but laughter and smiles as he and his family was whole once again. But that was not this.
Tears fell down his face, before he even realized what was happening. He placed both hands on the sides of her face, gently, holding the cold skin under his hands. Her eyes were mercifully closed, her face relaxed. She looked so young, she looked tiny, she looked like a child. Rand, despite his best efforts, had forgotten how real she was, how real she looked, in his head she had started to fade out into something akin to a picture, a memory, but this before him was so real, so wrong, something taken from him. From her.
She was so bright, so full. She loved the stars, she wanted to go to space. She was so kind and giving, so enthusiastic, so passionate. To see this… this empty corpse, like a spilled cup, something broke inside of Rand. Rachel was what the universe could be, warm and inviting, not what it was, cold and unforgiving.
He sniffed, lip quivering, he softly brushed hair out of her face, the hair she never kept control over, wavey and wild and tangled and often just thrown in a ponytail to keep their mother happy. And that’s when he broke down.
He hugged her close, curled up as he sobbed. Ugly, snotty, howling sobbing, crying that drained him of everything, crying that made him feel empty. He regretted so much. Not giving her more time, not letting her join any of his campaigns because she was just going to ‘mess around’, not watching any movies she wanted to watch with her, or playing any of her games she wanted to play. Of treating her like a normal little sister, when she deserved so much more, she deserved the world. Of leaving her be, of leaving her alone, of eventually leading to her death. Rand’s sobbing was painful, hands clutching onto her like if he let go she would disappear like smoke, he felt shattered by her future, what she could have been for herself, and shattered by the past, what he should have been for her.
I’m sorry it’s you.
An eternity passed, light years. He was uninterrupted, until he had run his throat hoarse, and had given all the tears he could give. Until he unclenched his hands and sat up, staring down at his dead sister's face, breathing still catching and hiccupping. Through bleary vision, he looked up, saw fireflies dancing over the waters. Rolan was standing, a good couple feet away, a dark silhouette that Rand could barely tell was him.
And a little bit farther down the bank, another shape that suspiciously looked like a body.
Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, Rand gently laid his sister back onto the grass, and with barely any strength to stand he managed to get up, trembling from head to toe.
“Rolan?” Rand’s eyes were glued on the second laying shape, half in the water half on land. No response came from his friend, and he stepped around his sister’s body, body light and airy like he was nothing but a hollow puppet.
He approached the second body, not expecting it to be anything worse.
How could it be worse?
Rand was too emotionally stunned to fully comprehend what he was seeing.
Bile rose into his throat as he looked at the second body, he couldn’t stand, not any longer, and he sat down on his ass, body cold and face wet as he tried to understand.
A familiar face. Young as well. Wearing familiar clothes. This face- this face wasn’t peaceful. It was frozen in panic, eyes open, mouth agape, scratches across the deceased skin as if it had gone out fighting for its life. Dark brown eyes, so dark they were almost black. Black hair.
All words died in his throat. Any questions he could have asked, he choked on. He understood. He didn’t want to, but he did.
The night that Rand and Rolan went to party, the night Rachel disappeared, the morning the two of them were harshly woken up about 5 in the morning by their parents, and then about 6 when almost the whole neighborhood were out searching in watch parties for a missing girl. Kian had to stay home that night, but he had helped them dress up. If looking at Rolan’s clothes, it might be hard to pinpoint, easy to dismiss because anyone could wear what Rolan wore. But Kian’s clothes- Kian’s clothes that Rolan wore the night Rachel disappeared- that was not something Rand forgot lightly.
Rand was looking at Rolan’s body, exactly the night Rachel died.
Rolan was standing behind him. Rolan had been living for the past three years. Rolan was alive.
Something animalistic tried to crawl out of him. Run, run, run, it demanded. Run, prey, before the predator catches you.
Rand took a deep breath. Hiding all emotions, stilling himself. Pretending that he didn’t get it. Pretending that he wasn’t looking at the 14 year old Rolan while the 17 year old one stood behind him. The tears had resumed once again as did his stuttering breaths, but he stopped himself from standing up and bolting, even if his muscles felt like they were on fire from him just forcing himself to sit.
Maybe it was the fact that he had just sobbed the last of his emotions out, the fact that maybe he was too stupid to make rational decisions, but as Rand looked down at the body of his best friend, he found himself thinking.
If I were a campy horror movie, this is where I would kill the character. Rand closed his eyes and thought, an almost phantom feeling of a knife being stabbed into his spine from a scene that replayed behind his eyes. If I were an evil- whatever. Zombie, serial killer, monster- whatever- this is where I kill. If this was a Dnd encounter, this is when the PC gets ambushed. Roll for surprise.
But he wasn’t dead.
Something insane, something bubbled to the surface. Something that a normal person wouldn’t do, but Rand had just seen indescribable horrors in less than twenty minutes, and he wasn’t feeling very normal.
He sat still. And he closed his eyes.
All his muscles were tensed, for what, he didn’t know. If this was the death blow, how did he think he would run? But if he was still alive, this expanded on two very important things.
One. Rolan was a victim. Not the cause.
Two. What does this mean for his sister’s dead body? If it even was his sister?
Too long passes, even if it’s just a minute. A minute too long when you are playing with your life.
And nothing happened. Just the croaking of frogs and the rising of the moon.
Rand tried to regain his wits and he stood up, removing his jacket as he did so, and laying it gently over dead Rolan’s face, hiding the pained expression that Rand would forever have nightmares about. Tears still falling, he turned and looked for Rolan, and found him farther back, closer to the tree line, looking as if he was going to run. To take off.
“We gotta-” Rand coughed through his destroyed vocal chords. “Come here, help me pick her up. We gotta take her back.”
Rolan didn’t respond for a second, not moving, but like coaxing an animal from its hiding spot with food, he took cautious steps forward, closer to where Rand could see. Rolan still looked shell-shocked. Was shaking. His face was wet too, fresh tear tracks down his face. He looked timid and curled up on himself, like Rand, his hair and appearance a disheveled mess.
Rand heard the apologies in his head again.
But Rolan walked down to where Rand was, keeping a wide berth from the other body. And Rand was right. He didn’t see anything but Rolan in his friend, nothing sinister, just someone confused and afraid.
And, not making any sudden movements, Rand pulled Rolan into a hug.
Rolan was tense, at first, stick still, but as Rand hugged him tightly, desperately, Rolan buried his head into Rand’s shoulder. And Rand heard the small sniffles, Rolan crying into his shoulder, body wracked in tremors. It almost made Rand guilty for testing his friend again. By giving another chance to strike, another chance to kill him while he was vulnerable. But now he knew for sure.
Rolan was Rolan.
And if Rand started to cry again, sue him. Through hissed teeth, he grabbed onto Rolan as tightly as he did to Rachel, and the two of them stood there, leaning into each other for support, a quiet respite in what hell they had stumbled into.