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The ceiling was bare, a plain metallic silver color. Donatello had memorized this ceiling after countless hours of sleepless nights. His eyes scanned the ceiling once more as he heard his clock tick, tick, tick by. One last slightly louder tick set his plan into motion.
He pushed the blankets away and slowly sat up, attempting not to make a single noise in the process. The naked foundation made a short and loud creak stopping Donatello in his tracks. He counted the ticks of his clock and when two exact minutes had passed he continued his plan.
He reached as far as he could to reach his bedside table and grabbed his taped together glasses. ‘Why did dad have to put them on the very edge of the table,’ He mentally asked himself as the glasses settled into the light indentations of his head.
Once the glasses felt comfortable on his face he moved once more. Pushing the blankets completely off his body and lifting himself off the bare mattress he shuffled to the side attempting to reach the edge of the bed.
When he was sitting on the edge, legs dangling over the side, the back of Donatello’s mind cheered in success while the front analyzed the situation. He couldn't jump off that would make too much noise, his only chance at even thinking of working on his tech was to hang off the edge with his arms and attempt to land softly on the linoleum floor.
He shifted forward carefully and when he was on the very edge he started to make his way down. One foot on the foundation, the other making its way through the air toward the floor. When he felt the cold linoleum through the cloth of his sock he sighed softly.
He lowered his body until it was safe and level with the bed, lifting his first leg he heard a loud creak fill the empty train car. He froze in place and waited the appropriate two exact minutes before continuing. With both feet planted on the floor Donatello stepped backward away from the bed.
The aglet of his hoodie was snagged on his pillowcase, he tugged on it to force them apart but he ended up pulling the pillow with it. While falling the pillow got caught on the cord of his electronic clock and yanked it to the floor, landing with a sharp clack.
Donatello’s face contorted with fear, his fists clenched close to his face and his body deathly still. He was listening to the outside world, waiting to hear those familiar heavy footsteps from his dad. No footsteps came and he let out the largest breath he’s ever held in his life.
He walked over to the pillow and clock on the floor and picked them up. Placing the pillow back into its original position and looking at the clock. He knew he started to get out of bed at one a.m. exactly but staring at the clock he saw it was now one thirty-seven.
‘Great, I spent exactly thirty-seven minutes just getting out of bed. I better make some grand discovery tonight,’ Donnie bitterly thought to himself, placing the clock back onto the table. Further away from the pillow this time.
He stepped backward to review his handiwork, his bed looked completely empty aside from the longer pillow hugging the wall. To anyone peeking inside the dark room it looked like Donnie was sleeping soundly on the worn and torn bed next to the cold wall of the subway car.
He nodded to himself and gently stepped away, facing the door to his cart. Pausing he listened once more, waiting for any sudden noise that would cause him to leap into the confine once again.
Silence. Absolutely perfect silence is all Donatello heard from the outside world. He grabbed the door handle and pulled the door at just the perfect strength to get it done quickly but as quietly as possible.
He peeked his little body out the door and looked around, trying to see if anything was out of the ordinary before he made his next move. He saw nothing peculiar and he moved, he had already mastered the art of moving swiftly and quietly.
Hiding behind every piece of furniture and listening intently for any possible noise. No noise was heard and he started making his way down the hall, toward the room he deemed his laboratory.
Donatello observed the carts down the hall and was annoyed that his was at the very end of the line, meaning he had to do the absolute most to avoid being caught. He was at the very least satisfied that his was the furthest away from their father’s cart.
Donnie was about to make his way past the first cart that wasn't his own when he paused. The walls of the carts were thin and he knew that Raph was a snore-er so something was wrong. He made his way to the cart and jumped up, grabbing the very edge of the window.
He pulled himself as quickly as he could, as there was barely any room to lay his arms and get a really good look at what's inside. He peered into the room and saw the nightlight illuminating the otherwise pitch black room.
Nobody was in the bed.
Donnie dropped to the floor, his socks silencing the sound. This was bad, this was really bad. If Raph was awake then he could find Donnie in the hall and send him back to his room, completely ruining his chance of working on his tech.
He had to make his way to the lab quickly. He prayed his socks were enough to dampen the sound of his sprinting, and he started to go. Skipping Leo and Mikey’s carts, sprinting past the open door on his father’s cart.
He skidded to a stop, the socks making him slip and fall flat on his back. His purple hoodie cushioned the blow and softened the noise. Ignoring the stumble Donnie was confused.
‘Why is dad’s door open?’ Donnie questioned himself, making his way to the open door.
A soft light shone through the empty void, he leaned on the doorframe and peered inside. The light was a dimmed lamp, on the verge of death, illuminating his father sleeping on a bean bag facing away from the door. He barely saw the bandannas of his brothers by his side, but he did and he leaned in closer to try and see who it was.
Mikey and Leo, cooped up in their father’s arms.
Donnie listened intently and heard a soft thumping noise, it was the sound of thick flesh hitting something hard. It wasn’t his father’s raccoon tail and his younger brothers weren’t near anything hard so Donnie concluded that Raph was also in the room sleeping on the floor hidden from sight.
Raph had a habit of moving while he slept so this ticked off all the boxes in Donnie’s mental analysis. Letting out a soft sigh of relief Donnie knew it was safe to work in his lab, he just had to actually make it there.
Donnie stepped away from the family pile, he presumed they each had a nightmare and one by one went to their father’s room. He didn’t feel jealous, he wanted to work on his tech tonight and his brothers pestering him over something as trivial as a nightmare would’ve impeded.
He didn’t feel jealous at all.
Picking underneath his fingernail with the aglet of his hoodie Donnie pursed his lips, he was fine with this. This tech was for the benefit of them all. It's okay that he sacrifices time spent with his family. It was for them. He’s… fine.
Donnie shook his head, snapping himself out of the trance and got back to the task at hand. He stepped forward toward the arch and into the winding hallway. It was pitch black but Donnie was prepared, he pressed a button on the rim of his glasses and they shone. Like headlights from a car Donnie’s glasses vanquished the darkness and lit his path.
The silence was eerie but nothing Donnie wasn’t already used to, his family recently took refuge in this abandoned subway and it had a long way to go before they could call it home. Water dripping from the ceiling, creepy ambiance filling the void of silence, and crumbling walls everywhere he stepped.
He wanted this place to become home, he had a vision for the future and he wanted to do nothing but achieve it. Having a proper home would make his father and brothers so happy and that’s what Donnie really wants to see.
Pure elated joy from the people he cares most about.
Donnie blinked softly, that thought was comforting but also scary. Joy is such a fickle emotion, easily tainted or destroyed by something else. He hoped his creations and this place he picked out for them would be enough to bring them joy.
Donnie looked toward the floor, he didn't want to think about it. Feelings weren't something he was proficient in and he wanted anything to distract him. There was a cable in the very nook of the hall, right where the floor meets the wall, leading down into the darkness.
Donnie's eyes brightened and he turned off his headlights. He followed the cord down the hall, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. This place was huge, another reason he selected it, which came with the caveat of time consumed while he walked down them with his short stature.
It annoyed him but the distance was well worth it as it allowed him to safely work on a majority of his tech with no fear of his family hearing. Donnie felt the space around him lift, he reached for the wall on his right and felt nothing there.
With a smile plastered on his face Donnie walked into the empty space, feeling the wall once more he flipped the light switch and the room illuminated. His lab. Breathing in the much more intelligent air Donnie felt content.
It was time to work. Donnie made his way to the desk on the opposite side of the room. He looked around him, the room was extremely bare. He had a vision for this room as well, it would have everything he would need.
Speakers for his factually correct music, Tools to and materials to the bottom left of the room, experimental terrarium to the bottom right. Corkboard and shelves to display his creations and maybe a few things he's interested in. Also to hide the ugly metal generator that came with the room and he can't get rid of.
To the top right of the room, his main testing area. With a holo-board, and an escape hatch, and glowing square tiles on the floor, and a swivel chair. The sheer thought of it made Donnie pull on his hoodie strings with excitement.
He had to focus though, the joy on his face instantly disappeared even though it lingered in his mind. He made his way to the boring wooden chair his father “graciously” got for him. Climbing up onto it he heightened himself by sitting on his legs.
The desk was cluttered to others but completely organized to Donnie. He didn’t understand how others thought it was messy. Everything was perfectly organized; there were just a lot of things.
In the center of the table was the thing this whole operation was for. A metallic shell, easily malleable to allow for regular movement but still extremely durable. Donnie hated having a soft shell, it caused him so much distress so this creation would allow him to be just like his brothers.
He immediately got to work, flipping the shell over and soldering the wires inside the open panel. He already memorized which wire to solder to the other so it was quick work, especially since all his tools were also on the desk.
The work entranced him, it was so easy to him but still so fulfilling. Each wire connected he felt his creation come closer and closer to life. Minutes passed and all Donnie heard through the soundproof safety goggles he invented was the sparks fly and wiring connect.
Until he didn’t.
The halls echoed with the sound of water flushing. Donnie pushed the goggles off his head and put his glasses back on, feeling his heart drop. The sound was far off and familiar. The bathroom was in that direction.
Water ran again, this time from a sink. The sounds of mundane life were ingrained into Donnie’s mind just for this exact situation. He threw his tools back into their original positions, flipping the shell back over to its display side, and he stumbled off the chair.
He picked himself up off the floor and sprinted to the other side of the room. If he could turn off the light he could hide behind the generator and continue this endeavor he worked so hard for. Just as he made it to the light switch he heard someone call out to him, stopping him dead in his tracks.
“Donnie?”
Shivers ran up Donnie’s spine, the way this voice said his name was so tired. They must have just woken up recently. Donnie was unsure if it was of the voice’s own volition or if he himself caused them to awake.
“Donnie you can stop standing like a statue, I'm not a T-Rex.”
Donnie turned to the direction of the voice, seeing his only older brother. Raphael. Donnie lowered his hand from its raised position and adjusted his glasses. He was nervous, he didn't want to go back to bed.
Knowing Raph he would drag Donnie to the family pile and then he would have absolutely zero chances of working on his tech.
“Um… how are you doing, eldest brother?” Donnie said with a calm facade, easily seen through by Raph.
“If you are worried I am going to drag you back to bed, do not. I… actually want to ask you something,” Raph muttered the last bit but Donnie heard it clear as day.
Donnie was unsure of what to say. Raphael, the one everybody went to when they needed help, wanted help from Donnie?
“Oh. Yeah sure… what can I assist you with Raphael?” Donnie asked, swiping off the dust and grime from his purple hoodie.
“Please stop being so… proper. It is weird,” Raphael forced out, he was still struggling with forming sentences and finding the correct words. Donnie was patient enough to wait for Raph’s full sentence before responding.
“Okay, I’m sorry. What do you need help with, this is very unprecedented y’know,” Donnie responded forgetfully adding in a complicated word.
Raph’s face contorted in a strange way but Donnie assumed he was confused due to the tilt in his head.
“That means not expected.”
“Oh. Well okay I am sorry I know I do not ask for help a lot. I have been… struggling with something for a long time and I know you deal with it sometimes too and I wanted your help.” Raph explained while rubbing his legs together and fidgeting with his hands.
Donnie observed the display in front of him, It was familiar. Smacking his cheeks and dragging them down Donnie refocused on the situation in front of him.
“Of course I can help you Raph, what do you need?” He asked tentatively, patiently waiting for Raph to form the sentence in his head.
“Um… can you please help me with my face?” Raph asked looking up to stare Donnie directly into his eyes.
Donnie’s mind blanked. Raph was waiting patiently for a response, rubbing his hands together in the same way Donnie used to.
“What?” Donnie asked, racking his brain on what Raph could’ve possibly meant.
“Can you help me with my face?” Raph asked again, repeating his previous confused motions.
“I heard you the first time, I’m just confused. What do you mean by that?” Donnie clarified while cleaning up his posture and looking at Raph’s mouth trying to predict what will come out of it.
Raph did his confused gesture again after a few moments he said, “I want help with my face?”
Donnie’s patience was being tested. He sighed and gestured for Raph to continue further because what he was saying was not nearly enough for Donnie to understand.
“Um… I need help with my face looking?” Raph struggled, after a few moments and Donnie retaining his confused glare Raph shuffled through a few different faces. One showing his teeth, next a frown, tilting his head, then furrowed brows.
“Ohhhhh you mean you need help with your facial expressions!”
Raph nodded quickly, excited that Donnie finally understood what he meant.
“Okay, you want help with your facial expressions. How exactly am I supposed to help with that?” Donnie genuinely asked, no venom behind his message.
Which didn’t get through to Raph who cowered a bit and whispered, “Sometimes they get upset with me because I look not how I feel…”
“Raph I’m not upset with you. I apologize if it came across that way. But can you elaborate on that a bit? Please?”
Standing up a bit stronger, Raph continued, “They get upset because the faces I make are not ‘right’ and it makes me look not how I feel.”
“...Sooo what you want me to do is look at your different facial expressions and tell you what to change so you actually look like the emotion you’re trying to express?”
Raph took a minute trying to understand what Donnie was saying but after he deciphered the meaning he nodded rapidly.
Donnie was stumped. He had trouble with this and to know his older brother also struggled with this was a bit relieving. Pulling on his hoodie strings Donnie thought. If he helped Raph with this now then Raph could help him with the same thing later.
It would benefit them both and Donnie would be the one to gain the most. He would gain actual good advice and the genuine trust of his older brother. He can’t imagine how much mental fortitude it took for Raph to ask this of him.
He respected it. Courage is not easily accessible to him, especially when it comes to something as sensitive as social situations. One mess up and Donnie would’ve caused tears in his younger siblings eyes.
“Alright I’ll help you with this. However there is something you must do for me in return,” Donnie stated, standing up even straighter than before.
“Mhm! Anything!” Raph excitedly blurted out, not thinking of the potential consequences.
“Don’t say anything because if you said that to Mikey or god forbid Leo they would’ve used that against you. But anyways I want you to do the same thing for me later.”
“Okay I am sorry and I want to help you too!”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
“But…” Raph trailed off, muttering the last part so quietly Donnie couldn’t pick it up.
Donnie made a noise of inquiry.
“But it is very dark. You need sleep. I do not want to fix a lot of faces.” Raph repeated, moving his football helmet up slightly so as to not cover his intense gaze.
“Right… Okay I promise after I help you I will clean up the mess I made here and I’ll go to bed. Is that fair?” Donnie asked, attempting to negotiate through the fear he felt.
Raph thought for a second and nodded. He grabbed Donnie’s arm and dragged him back to the desk across the room.
He looked at the desk and thought about sitting on the table until Donnie pulled out a second chair from around the side. Raph made a weird face while tilting his head and Donnie answered, “I sometimes bring Leo and Mikey in here for experiments and they can’t sit on the desk.”
Raph’s brows furrowed and Donnie instantly recognized it as his angry face. He continued, “Don’t worry. It's nothing dangerous, just a bit of… genetic analysis…”
Raph’s brows furrowed even harder and Donnie pushed him toward the chair. Eager to move on from this topic and get started on helping.
They both sat down in the chairs and looked at each other. The silence between them was dragging on and on. It was starting to make Donnie uncomfortable.
“So how about we choose what faces to work on first?” Donnie offered to try to fill the silence.
Raph nodded and Donnie continued, “Okay I know you struggle with emotions but that's not specific enough. Can you list a few that you especially have trouble with?”
Raph sat there and thought for a moment, rubbing his knuckles while deep in thought. The emotions came to mind and Raph listed, “Happy big smile, small sad face, not knowing, not okay with this.”
‘Happy, sad, confused, and uncomfortable?’ Donnie guessed in his mind.
“Okay. I can help you with that easily. Is there one you want to work on first?”
“Happy big smile”
Donnie figured that would be the one, Raph was always very literal when it came to lists. Donnie gestured for him to continue and waited.
Only for Raph to continue, “then small sad face?”
“No. I meant I wanted you to make the face so I can help you with it.”
“Oh.”
Raph sat for a moment, his eyes brightened then his face contorted in a strange way, the smile was very small and his brows were extremely furrowed. Sending shivers up Donnie’s spine he instantly presumed the face Raph was making was one of a villain.
Donnie shook off the uncomfort and motioned his hands to his own face. Pointing to his hardened brows and rubbing them till they went soft and relaxed on his face.
“Try doing that and softening your brows, they look angry right now.”
Raph copied Donnie’s motions and forcibly softened his brows, the smile was small but Donnie knew Raph wanted a big smile. While he was racking his brain on what to do next Raph held the face still and kept rubbing his knuckles.
Donnie's hands moved up to match what he was saying, "Try to train your cheeks a bit more-"
"Woah! Your teeth have gotten so sharp!"
"Thank you?" Raphael questionably responded, struggling to get the words out through his strained mouth.
The face Raph was currently making was the perfect depiction of pure joy in Donnie’s eyes. His eyes brightened at that prospect and he was excited to continue helping.
“That looks good! Let’s move onto the next one.”
Raph nodded and sat for a moment, Donnie presumed that he was thinking of something to make himself feel the emotion he wanted help with.
His face changed and it was neutral. You couldn’t tell this was supposed to be sadness if you looked at it for hours.
“Okay. I see the problem here, you don’t look sad at all. you look completely neutral.”
“Neutral?”
“Normal. Not feeling happy or not happy. Just… neutral.” Donnie shrugged, not really knowing how else to explain it.
Raph nodded, seemingly understanding Donnie’s explanation. Donnie thought for a moment, trying to figure out a way to “fix” this face.
“Let’s try… Okay. First the small frown you have right now is perfect, don't change that.”
“But… you said I look normal?”
“You do but have you seriously never noticed that you have a small frown all the time? It’s just part of your normal face.”
“I do not like that.”
Donnie frowned slightly, he didn’t want to upset Raph even further with this. This whole thing was supposed to be him helping Raph.
“Um okay let’s move on. So your small frown is good but you aren’t expressing any emotion in your eyes and that’s probably what throws people off.”
“So what do I do?”
“Try… making your eyebrows look worried. That combined with your small frown will definitely make you look sad.” Donnie explained while physically motioning
what Raph had to do.
Raph copied Donnie’s motions perfectly and his sad face had been perfected. Nobody would ever be confused at this face ever again.
“Okay that one’s good now show me your confused face.”
Raph mimicked the face he was doing much earlier. The head tilt was the only indication that this face represented confusion.
“The problem here is that you look extremely worried. Try not having such a big frown. And make your eyebrows slightly less worried. They’re so tense.”
Raph followed Donnie’s instructions immediately and Donnie saw instant improvements. The smaller frown made it look more casual and less tension on the brows made it look less daunting.
“That looks good! I’m not sure how else to improve this face. Tilting your head is also a very good intimation that you are confused so keep doing that and I think you will have no problem expressing this emotion.”
“Okay that is easy!” Raphs excitement was getting stronger, he seemed ecstatic to finally get help on such a difficult topic.
Raph rushed into the next face, the face of his uncomfort. The face made Donnie uncomfortable, it looked… happy. Not extremely happy, just a really awkward happy, like there wasn't anything wrong with the situation.
Raph sat there in silence while Donnie reviewed almost every interaction he can remember having with Raphael. Trying to remember if he ever made Raph show this face even once. He could think of a few but nothing that brought him deep out of his comfort zone.
Still the thought that he made someone he cares about uncomfortable enrages Donnie. Now he was going to make sure that something like that would never happen ever again. He knew eventually they were going to explore the surface for themselves and he wanted Raph to be able to get through any social situation.
Raph waved his hand in front of Donnie’s face and snapped him out of his rage induced trance. Donnie looked at his older brother, keeping his face neutral but his mind running as fast as biologically possible.
“Sorry. I was just… thinking. Um… ok the way you should fix this face is flatten your mouth so it looks more like a straight line. Then you should make your eyebrows all worried again.”
Copying his instructions to a T Raph made the face of pure uncomfort. It was perfect, nobody could ever be able to say otherwise. Donnie smiled and gave Raph a thumbs up. They were finished.
“That would be all four faces. How do you feel? Are you okay?”
Raph made a face that bordered on the biggest smile of his life and the happiest laugh he’d ever have. He jumped from his chair onto Donnie’s and hugged him so tightly that Donnie saw stars for a few moments.
“Thank you thank you thank you! I love you so much Donnie, thank you for this!” Raph blurted out hugging Donnie tighter and tighter with every word said.
“It's no problem but can you please let go a little? I can't breathe!” Donnie wheezed out, smacking Raph’s back a few times to get the message through.
“Oh yeah. I am sorry. I promise not to do that again, also I promise to help you with your faces tomorrow!” Raph said while tapping his knuckles together in excitement.
“Yes I would very much appreciate that, but can we keep it a secret from the others? I don’t want them to know.”
“Yes.”
Raph instantly responded, like he already knew what Donnie was about to ask. It makes sense considering he went to Donnie first and not anyone else. He was probably embarrassed about asking the others too.
“Okay. Thank you. Now you should be getting back to bed, I promise I'll join you after I clean up a bit.”
Raph jumped off the chair and bowed to Donnie as another thank you. He giggled a bit and ran to the opposite side of the room to leave.
Raphael left the door open as he sprinted down the hall, a large perfected smile plastered on his face. Donnie smiled at the void Raph had left. Even though he wasn’t able to work on his tech tonight he still made some grand discoveries, and that's all that mattered to him.