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Part 1 of dpxdc prompt fills
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DPCrossOverOneShots, ❌CrossoversForTheSoul❌, Going Gotham!, danny phantom fics that kill me but only halfway, DC fics that are mostly batfam lol, 📚 Sleepless Reader’s Crossover Collection 📖, 📚 Sleepless Reader’s DP Collection 📖, 📚 Sleepless Reader’s DCU Collection 📖
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2023-03-25
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An Unlikely Deal

Summary:

John was in a bit of a bind. Getting tied up by cultists does that to a bloke.

So here he was, laying in a circle of runes, blood offering given, chanting in progress, watching as a swirling toxic green portal opened to summon the god-like being that was King of the Infinite Realms to eat his soul.

The King’s reaction? “Ew. Gross.”

Notes:

Well my brain has decided to start writing crossover prompts instead of focusing on my Robins series. But if this is what it takes to get back in the habit of writing regularly I’ll take it. Besides I love Danny and his OP-ness in the DC world. He’s ridiculous. So enjoy my version of the first meeting between Phantom and Constantine.

Work Text:


John was in a bit of a bind.

Being tied up does that to a bloke, especially when the ropes are magically enforced and triple wrapped. These cultists must’ve earned their knot tying merit badges alongside magical entrapment, because there was no way he could get out of this on his own.

So here he was, laying in a circle of runes, blood offering given, chanting in progress, watching as a swirling toxic green portal opened to summon the god-like being that was King of the Infinite Realms to eat his soul. …what was left of it, anyway. John wasn’t sure how many chunks he’d sold off and how many contracts were pending.

What a day.

A wave of power gusted from the portal like someone had left a window open during a blizzard, making everyone visibly shudder, and out stepped…

A teenager?

Something that looked like a teenager, at least. John Constantine knew from several horrifying experiences that Beings of Power could often look however they pleased. (A certain childish Lord of Chaos came to mind.) And this guy most definitely radiated power.

The chanting stopped and the portal closed, the light of the room changing from green to the pale white glow emanating form the teen. Then one of the cultists stepped forward as the rest bowed.

“OH GREAT KING OF THE INFINITE REALMS!! WE SUMMON YOU TO -”

“I’m not King yet.”

The being spoke casually. His voice echoed around the room despite no one else’s doing the same, and the cult speaker faltered. The not-king continued.

“My coronation isn’t for another month. Somehow the Observants already got me answering the phone though. Rude. They better be paying overtime for this.”

“I -ah,” the cultist stammered for a moment before squaring her shoulders and taking a deep breath. “My Lord. We wish to propose a trade of power. The soul of The Hellblazer for your consumption, in exchange for -”

“Ew! I don’t eat souls! Who said I eat souls?” The almost-king interrupted again. “And that guy’s?! I mean, look at the state of it! Wait, can you see it? All of you are human, right? I know magic can do a whole lotta crazy shit but all of your souls are intact so I don’t know how well you’re connected to afterlife type of energies but if you could see it you wouldn’t wanna eat it either.”

John wasn’t even offended - kid had a point. He would have shrugged and nodded along if he were able.

A general buzzing of murmurs and confusion passed around the room. The leader’s face did a speedrun of emotions from shock to disappointment to anger and suspicion.

“Well,” a different cultist spoke hesitantly from their position bowing, “If you don’t want to eat his soul, what do you want?”

“I mean,” the summoned being dragged a hand through his hair and rubbed at the back of his neck, “Now that we’re talking about food I could go for a burger?”

“Are we a joke to you?!” The leader screamed, immediately quieting all other chatter as the room held its breath. “We put in all this work to summon a king and all we get is an annoying child?!”

“Hey now, I’m almost eighteen. And it’s not my fault you didn’t do your research before putting in all this effort. You probably wanted Pariah Dark, the previous king? Now that guy totally gave off cannibal vibes. Bet you got the soul-eating idea from his time on the throne.”

The cult leader screamed in rage and threw a whole flaming candelabra at the teen. It passed right through him like he wasn’t there and he gave the leader a pitying look.

“I’ll buy you a burger.”

All eyes turned to John.

He was never one to turn down an opportunity to make a deal and save his own ass. Especially for such a cheap price. The cultists only had themselves to blame for not gagging him.

“Get me out of here safely, I’ll buy you a burger.”

“Now wait just a minute -” cult leader tried to cut in.

“And waffle fries!”

The teenaged not-yet-king’s face lit up (literally, the glow that already surrounded him got bright enough to match the moon) and he leapt into the air, pumping his fist like he’d just won the lottery.

“Deal!”

“NO!!” the leader shrieked and pulled a dagger from her robes, throwing it with far better accuracy than the candelabra. Rather than let it phase through him, he summoned a shield of the same toxic green as the portal. Most of the other robed figures decided it was a good time to go water their lawns and ran for it. But a couple stayed to attack alongside their leader who kept screaming, “WE SUMMONED YOU!! NOT HIM! YOU OWE US!!”

“Uh, yeah, no,” the kid replied, “You could’ve been polite and asked for help like a normal person. You didn’t have to be mean about it. Maybe you should learn to let it go.”

On his last words a sheet of ice rushed across the floor and encased his attackers’ feet, freezing them in place. A quick series of green blasts from finger guns knocked them all out, and they slumped over like rag dolls.

The glowing entity turned its acid green eyes to John, and gently rose from the floor to glide through the air toward him. It would’ve look creepy as hell if he weren’t used to seeing Superman do the same thing. Okay it was still a bit creepy but mostly because of the power still flowing off this guy in waves. He didn’t even flinch passing over the magic dampening runes.

“Come on Burger Buddy, let’s get you out of those ropes,” he grinned at John, and this close the fangs were a lot more obvious.

“Whatever you say, Elsa,” came out of his mouth before he could stop it. John clamped his traitor of a mouth shut, and stared up at the future ruler of the Infinite Realms with wide eyes.

The kid just laughed. It was a sound bright as his hair, and bounced around the room. He picked John up by the armpits like he weighed a feather before setting him down just as easily, the ropes that held him at bay physically and magically falling through his skin to pile on the floor.

“Yeah yeah, I know the song was overplayed but it’s still a bop in my book. What’s your name, anyway?”

“Everyone calls me Constantine.”

“Nice to meet you Constantine, I’m Phantom. Wait… Constantine… that sounds really familiar. You from London?”

“Maybe,” he hedged. Obviously several powerful beings already knew him. Many held contracts with him. It wasn’t ideal that his reputation would spread through the Infinite Realms too, but it wasn’t unexpected either. Save the world a couple times, you get noticed. Mess with a few gods you make enemies.

Phantom squinted at him for a moment, then his jaw fell in surprise.

“You were in Mucus Membrane,” he whispered in awe.

John’s brain stopped.

Out of all the things he’d done in the world - in several different dimensions, even - he got recognized for that??!

“Uh. Yeah.”

Phantom started giggling. It was instant horror movie vibes the way it echoed around the cult chambers.

“Oh Sam is gonna be so jealous!! She’s got all your albums. Did you know your band inspired Dumpty Humpty?! They wouldn’t exist without you!”

“Okay…? Um. Can we get out of here? I don’t want to be around when they wake up.”

“Oh! Right! Yeah sure thing.”

The kid waved his hand and a new swirling mass of green opened beside him. No chanting. No sigils or runes. It was insanity. How could the universe give this one kid so much power?

Phantom was about to step into the portal when he suddenly turned around and flew to the alter beside the unconscious cult leader.

“I’ll just take that,” he said, plucking the grimoire up and tucking it under his arm. “Don’t want these guys calling me again. So rude. Not even fun to fight like those ninjas last week. Anyway, you like Nasty Burger or do you have somewhere else in mind?”

“Anywhere’s fine by me,” John wheezed, trying not to think too hard about who Phantom considered fun to fight as his shaking fingers pulled a cigarette from his pocket.

They passed through the portal together, entering the strange in-between space that was the Infinite Realms, and he followed closely as the kid chattered about punk music and his favorite band. He barely finished his first smoke before they stepped through a randomly floating steel door back into the world. They were in an alley behind what smelled like a greasy diner.

“ - and if you’re willing I could call Sam and Tucker to meet us here. See, Sam’s birthday is next week and I haven’t had time to get a gift yet but I’d owe you a huge favor if you’d be willing to sign her albums.”

“Okay,” he agreed immediately.

“Really?!”

The kid beamed like he’d been given the stars. And John Constantine just had to smile back. He wanted to protect this kid from all the horrors the world held. Plus, if this is what trading favors with the King of the Infinite Realms was like, he’d accept every time.

“Yeah kid. I’ll buy us all milkshakes too.”

“Oh Connie, we are going to be best friends.”

…Okay, maybe he wanted to smack the kid too.

 

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