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Peng had known Azure for so long, what was changing now? The way he realized how close he and Azure were most of the time? The way Azure's laugh made his heart skip a beat, whenever Azure placed his gentle paw on his feathers it made his face burn up. What changed Peng's entire world, and why did Azure have to cause the change? He had something good, something sweet and genuine with Azure. But now these feelings are swarming around Peng, and he has no idea how to deal with them. He has no idea how to get rid of them.
He wanted these feelings gone.
But something about them also made Peng love it, whenever he was close to Azure he felt a wave of joy wash over him, a simple hug could make his day. These feelings brought Peng great sadness but also great joy, he wondered if there was a way to only feel this great joy without the horrible guilt.
There was no chance Azure would have the same feelings toward Peng; he loves him but not in that way. It's clear to Peng that Azure just sees him as a friend, nothing more. That's what hurts the most with these feelings, the crushing reality that Azure would not love Peng back and he is left yearning for his closest friend in a way that he considers unacceptable.
He could bury these feelings, he can hide them. But the pain would always spike once in a while and with the pain just piling on it would cause a deeper wound in Peng. But Peng would rather get stabbed more than 50 times if it meant he could spend his life being by Azure's side. Even if he loved Azure he didn't want to risk it all. He couldn't. He needed to learn how to hide these feelings, he needed to. Or else he would crack and all of it would pour out like a fresh wound.
It got harder every day to hide it however, a simple smile from Azure made Peng want to just confess everything. Confess how he wants to hold Azure's hand so tightly, never letting go, hug him so tight that both of them couldn't breathe, tell him how much he loves him. How he wants to be by his side forever but as something more than a friend. He wanted to be looked at with true love instead of a friendly smile, Peng wanted something he could never have. How pathetic it was of Peng to love a simple man with a simple dream.
Maybe that's why he is drawn to him, just everything about him is perfect and Peng trusts him with his life. He would die for Azure, he would kill, and he would do anything for Azure. This rush of emotions Peng feels daily overwhelms him constantly, it's only a matter of time before he becomes numb to this or forgets this though. He longs for the day but also dreads it, these feelings are special and you rarely feel this. If Peng loses it now, will he ever get it back, or will he forever wander this world hopelessly searching for this spark?
Peng can't decide on what he wants, love is so complicated not even he can understand the concept. It makes him feel so foolish when he was meant to be the smug and confident one of the group, yet he is struck down by this simple feeling of love…
Every day these feelings get worse. Why won't they go away? Why can't Peng just find peace? Why does he suffer constantly? He hugs himself pathetically and grits his teeth, slouching and resisting tears as he feels like crying. Why cry when you are in love? You cry when you are in pain, is being this torn up about a simple man causing this much pain? He is so close Peng can touch him. Yet if Peng tries anything his world will shatter. This is the price to pay for confessing, there would be no reward, no joy if Peng pours out his heart.
Yet after all this fighting inside his head, Peng considers the possibility of just. Letting it happen, telling Azure how he feels. It's easier to do than to suffer in silence. Getting closure by confessing and being heartbroken for a bit rather than being silent for his entire life and get stabbed every day by himself.
His friendship means the world to Azure but…What if, those words are taunting Peng now.
What if.
What if Azure loves him back, what if Azure hates him for this, what if Azure leaves him? What will happen next, will Peng move on? Can he move on? Multiple questions to consider when confessing. But Peng gets this feeling of strength and courage, feeling brave and throwing every question out the window. Just running to confess and hoping for the best, if Azure rejected Peng he could get closure and his feelings would be broken. Knowing there is truly no way for him to get with this simple man.
But if Azure loved Peng back…For some reason that seemed to scare Peng more than rejection…
♡
"Azure?" Peng called, walking deeper into a fresh green forest, spring had started and all the plants were once again alive. The sweet scent of flowers was intoxicating and calmed Peng down as he felt his hands shake.
He remembers seeing Azure go into this forest for a break after a long day of making plans for their new home. Now all Peng had to do was find him in the large forest and let it all out.
"Azure!" Peng called out once again, taking a few more steps deeper into the forest when he noticed the large lion emerge from a group of bushes, leaves, and pieces of grass stuck to his mane. Peng couldn't help but smile at the oblivious idiot before putting on his serious mask.
"Peng! Are you alright? Is Yellow Tusk okay? I didn't mean to be gone for so long I must've lost track of time-" Before Azure could ramble on, Peng cut him off with a cough.
"Yellow Tusk is fine and I am too. I just needed to…Tell you something," the bird hesitated on finishing his sentence. There was no going back now, if he backed out now Azure would wonder what Peng wanted to say and he didn't want to worry his "friend" any more than now.
Azure's ear flicked slightly at Pengs last words curiously. Noticing a small leaf in his hair and taking it out but keeping eye contact with Peng.
"What is it?" He asked, tilting his head to the side and noticing Peng's stiff posture.
"I- I…" it was almost like Peng forgot how to speak, his jaw tightened as he tried again, only to stutter once more. Peng began to grow hot on his face and covered most of it with his hand.
"If it's something embarrassing, take your time! I'm sure it's not that bad," Azure joked to ease Peng. Reassuring him that he could say whatever to the lion. However, it wasn't as easy as Peng thought and he physically began to struggle with how to speak.
"I- I'm sorry I'm struggling with such simple words…" Peng weakly laughed out, his voice wobbling for a second and catching Azure's attention.
"Peng, are you okay?" Azure placed a paw on his shoulder, causing the bird to face Azure quickly. Startled by the touch but noticed how caring Azure's eyes were. How bright they were in the sun and how much Peng adored them. Peng adored everything about Azure…
"I want to kiss you-" The words spilled out of Peng's mouth and he ripped away from Azure's touch, covering his beak. Face burning and feathers beginning to fluff up.
Azure needed a second to process what he had said, allowing Peng to easily pull away before blinking and returning to reality to speak. "What?"
Peng turned away completely embarrassed, wanting to curse at the gods above them who made him mess up his one chance. However he had placed his heart out now on a silver plate, there is no going back.
With a heavy sigh, Peng turned around to see the startled lion still frozen in place as he echoed the words Peng said in his head.
"I want to kiss you, and…I- let me start over!" Peng stumbled on his words, repeating his mistake and wanting to punch himself in the gut.
"I love you."
He finally said it.
"I love you, Azure. I think about you every day, I love being beside you. I love you! I love your dreams!" This side of Peng was embarrassing, a side he vowed to never show ever again. But Azure had caused him to break the vow he made a long time ago. It's one of the most admirable things Azure has ever done.
"Every time you speak I love you even more, every hug we have makes me fall in love with you even more. Gods I'm pathetic-" Peng insulted himself, holding his head and gently tugging at his feathers in shame before continuing. Noticing Azure seemed to relax his body and stare at him intently, listening to every word that Peng said.
"I want to hold your hand, I want to be beside you forever, I want to fight with you, I would die for you! And right now, I'm giving you my heart. Do whatever you want with it, I trust you with my life-" Peng took a moment to breathe but he started getting more into the moment, his feelings starting to take control. Taking a step towards Azure and voice full of emotion
"If this was our last day I would still stay right beside you, and I know this is crazy for me to say and foolish- please stop me!" Peng laughed nervously, feeling his eyes sting for a moment as tears began to creep out.
He was ready to give up on everything when Azure cupped his face with his gentle paws. Staring into Peng's eyes before smiling and pressing his forehead against Peng.
"Don't ever stop," Azure said quietly, just loud enough for Peng to hear. With those sweet words the celestial bird slowly moved his arms around Azure, closing his eyes. Trusting Azure to see for him as he hugged the lion tightly. His sour tears now turned sweet as Peng didn't let go of Azure until he moved slightly.
"Peng," Azure whispered, creating space between their faces and looking lovingly at him with a soft smile.
"I love you too. I love you so much, more than you can know," after Azure spoke he placed a gentle kiss on Peng's forehead.
"And also, you're really cheesy" Azure giggled quietly, feeling Peng grow stiff for a second before playfully pushing Azure away.
"I just poured my heart out and that's what you wanna say?!" Peng exclaimed, Azure now laughing loudly. Causing Peng to join him with a smile before Azure wrapped his arms around Peng and hugged him tightly.
"I love you," Azure whispered in Peng's ear, and the bird melted into the touch. Closing his eyes and wanting to sleep right in Azure's arms. Listening to his heartbeat quicken as Peng whispers back
"I love you even more."
Azure pressed his nose against Peng's cheek lightly, a way of giving a kiss. Causing the bird to smile brightly at the intimate touch Azure gave him.
We should get back." Peng mentioned, pressing his cheek against Azure's chest, feeling a soft rumbling before it stopped and Azure spoke.
"Yellow Tusk can wait, I'm sure he'll enjoy the peace and quiet now that you're gone" Azure teased, Peng looked up at Azure with an annoyed expression but this time instead of shooting back an insult all Peng managed to say is "shut up-" before Azure kissed him.
Peng's heart flutters, this was what he wanted for so long, a small kiss. It's all Peng ever longed for ever since he was cursed with these feelings, he felt blessed and he felt special. Once the kiss ended Azure smiled.
"You said you wanted to kiss me," Azure mumbled, holding Peng gently and wanting him to feel safe.
"Guess I got what I asked for…"
"You make that sound like a bad thing," Azure jokes, pretending to be heartbroken but breaking character when Peng planted a small kiss on the lion's cheek and rested his head once again on Azure's chest.
"You're an idiot."