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Chapter Text

Prologue 

Isabella Marie Carlton died at the ripe age of 96, peacefully in her sleep. On the day she died, oddly enough she woke up feeling energetic and nostalgic. She had dreamt about her ex from high school with such vivid clarity that for a second she imagined she was still 16, dozing off in his arms.

She had no pictures of him to remember by, though she did have a photo album. A few years after high school she contacted an old friend, Jessica for the sole purpose of asking if she had any pictures. All she could manage was this blurry photo of them in the background. She saved it nonetheless.

Her youngest daughter Alice was over, insistent that she would spend her summer in her childhood home. Isabella had tried her best to hospitable but she had enjoyed solitude in her later years. Thumbing through her photo album she couldn’t help but feel nostalgic.

Her high school was a distant memory, so was Edward, yet she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pain every time she thought of him. The anger had faded into pain, then grief, now it just remained like a healed over wound. Like an amputated limb, acutely aware of its loss yet having no choice but to move on. Even after so many decades she was always surprised at how the pain or even the image of his face never disappeared.

She flipped over to her university photos, her graduation with Charlie desperately hiding his tears, and Renee looking proud. The years had flown by so quickly in hindsight, her masters, phd, her job. The first time she had met Mathew, the dates, the engagement, marriage, three kids, their school, university, graduation. Flipping through her digital photo album her life looked almost picturesque and perfect. Perhaps that was the wonder of nostalgia, that it so acutely allowed you to gloss over the cracks of real life.

Isabella thought of Mathew fondly, after all she had spend 40 years married to him. He was a decent man, they had met shortly after she had completed her masters. In a lot of ways he was the mortal version of Edward, successful heir to a multimillion dollar business venture. He was the kind of good looking that would make heads turn, she never understood why he had fallen for her. It took her years to understand that she attracted a certain kind of men, men who wanted complete control of her life.

Her relationship with Edward had primed her for such conditioning, humble to the point of self depreciating, awkward, shy, easy to control. For years she dressed up putting on hold her personal discomfort and played his perfect wife. Her phd was on hold thrice when she fell pregnant, and later when he stood beside her for graduation condescendingly congratulated her on the longest phd tenure completed. He had put down her career as a university professor several times till his campaign as the senator coloured it as the most desirable career prospect. 

Her twenties and thirties were tumultuous, heart breaking and depressing. Yet she stood steadfast by his side because that was the only thing she ever knew how to do. She wasn’t her mother who had left her father, she wasn’t Edward, she was better. At least that’s the belief that got her through the screaming matches, broken cutlery, empty mansions and the numerous affairs. In the years after though they had both tempered down, it was probably due to how often Charlie, their middle son, had fallen sick. Between hospital visits and worrying , they had out their tumultuous marriage on hold. “Just weather the storm Bella” her mother in law had advised and weather the storm she did. She always found it profoundly unfair that after all the weathering and tolerating, she and Mathew could only survive one decade of a good life in the 40 years they had been married. Mathew was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 65, his health deteriorated rapidly. 

The pictures were still difficult to see, from walking down his youngest to the aisle to suddenly being in a wheelchair. His handsome face fading with time, even in the pictures Bella could see how much he had struggled to sit up for his photos with the family.

They had spend the last Christmas together as a family in the hospital room. Mathew died surrounded by his three children and several grandchildren and of course his beloved wife. Perhaps with time Bella had looked at him with kinder eyes, she only thought of the last few years they had spent together as each other's refuge that the years before that. 

Her sixties were perhaps Isabella’s most difficult decade, she had lost her husband and then both her parents. It was the decade she truly felt alone. And once during her trip to Italy she was convinced that she had seen Edward. Edward who was still eternally 17 and chiseled out of marble stood like the most beautiful statue in the middle of the street. She had chased him, almost hysterically till Marie, her oldest daughter, caught her. She had cried inconsolably in the middle of the street, their family vacation was cut short and Isabella started grief therapy again. 

After grief and therapy and the sorrow of losing almost everything she had known Isabella thrived in her later years. While her husbands company had entirely passed on to their children she decided to take a more active participation in the charitable organization the company had managed. Isabella hated that she had become such a recluse and almost resigned to retirement in her later years. Eventually the Carlton charitable organization became a name for itself largely thanks to her effort in improving the organization. She worked well into her 90s despite her children protesting and eventually both Marie and Alice had joined their mothers effort to running the organization as well. Isabella liked to think that Mathew would have been proud to see the woman she had become and maybe the Cullens too. 

Alice had joined her on the couch looking through the last few pictures of their huge family Christmas and the last charity drive they had done together. 

“I really like this picture of us” she remarked

“Did I ever tell you who I named you after?”

Alice jerked up to stare at her mother “no?”

“I named you after my high school best friend”

“I don’t think you’ve ever told me this story” she remarked. Isabella smiled, had she been this resentful still “ I used to date her brother Edward, when he broke up with me the entire family decided to move away. Even her, without so much as a good bye”

Alice looked a little perturbed “it’s strange you named me after her then”

“I loved her still” Isabella mentioned easily “ when I think back on the times I spend with them I don’t resent them”

Alice was looking away out of the window “was Edward the one that got away?” Isabella felt a little lost “ I think he’s just the one that left”

She snapped her album shut resolutely after that, the conversation was over. Alice looked apologetic but Isabella was too tired to talk further about it.

Perhaps it was all the reminiscing that she ended up dreaming about them. Like marble statues at the foot of her bed, she dreamt of the cullens again. Alice like a pixie,faded lip, her rosebud mouth downturned and unhappy. She looked like a marble statue of a grieving angel and Edward. Edward still so breathtakingly beautiful, his eyes golden ringed and so so dark. He looked pained, still shocked in abject grief “we came to say goodbye” if he was human perhaps there would be tears.

Isabella touched his fingers gripped tightly on the side of her bed, ice cold like she remembered “ah is it time for me to go” she smiled. He brought his hands close, his voice gruff yet velvet tinged and cupped her face “ were you happy, my love” there was so much sorrow in his face, like he was truly being tortured “I would have been happier with you” 

He gasped like he was shocked, in that moment he looked completely human, completely broken. He drew back, but Isabella still had her hand grasped tightly around his “it’s okay Edward” she told him “I forgive you” 

She liked to think she did, at that moment, forgiven the real Edward cullen as well. Perhaps it was the fatigue of the day but she slipped back to bed just as easily, she thought of her life. Her parents, her husband, her children and then Edward just as perfect, framed by her bedside looking at her just as lovingly as he did at 16. Her last thoughts on earth was how wonderful her dreams had been.

Chapter Text

It took me a few minutes to reorient waking up, it was still dark outside when I did. The bedroom was not the one I was familiar with, the room overlooked large windows and I could see the blood moon outside illuminitating the room in an odd red glow.

Was this purgatory?

The sheets felt soft beneath my finger tips, definitely rougher than the ones I had gone to sleep in. There was someone in my room I was certain, a hooded figure that looked too tall to be human.

The grim repear?

“Bella” the voice said softly, voice hoarse from disuse. No one had really called me Bella in years, a remnant of my youth. I was Isabella, Mrs. Carlton, Mama, Grandma but not Bella anymore. Somehow my name seemed to reverbate in the room, like the consonants of my name had not quite disappeared.
“Bella” I heard again, this time sharper.
“Bella”

I opened my eyes again, this time slowly focusing on the face of a young woman peering at me. It took a minute more for me to even realise who she was
“Mom” I threw myself at her
She stumbled back “are you okay Bella? Did you have a nightmare?”
Her hands were still comforting, patting me on the back
“Am I in heaven?”
I could hear her shake in mirth “it must have been an interesting dream”, her pale blue eyes, so vivid in youth. How much I had missed Renee, my mother, I refused to let go of her. She smelled like fruity perfume and something inexplicable like home. “What did you dream about sweetheart?”

As the day passed I slowly realized that I was in some odd sort of purgatory. I was back in my house in phoenix, Arizona. My mom buslted around ensuring that I was fed, dressed, constantly hovering. The whole thing was bizarre, I didn’t remember Renee to be so jittery and motherly. Perhaps I had a different perception of my mother during my teens. The clothes were for winter, I looked longingly at my thin cotton dresses. Bella at 16 had discarded them and was probably glad to pawn them off to Renee, they were unsuitable for Forks in any case I sighed.
My bag was chalk full of winter clothes and Renne and I had managed to gather together, a few thrifted, plenty brought in bulk. I hardly had any fashion sense outside of thick jeans and pull overs, almost embarrassed at how my body looked. I looked away from my bags, the clothes were another thing I hastily put out of my mind.

My mouth ached from all the smiling and small talk. This was the day I flew to Forks, perhaps thats how purgatory worked. Your best memories and the worst meshed together, reliving the days that changed the trajectory of your life. Regardless of Renee fusing I managed to finally extract myself away to board my flight, Renee had wiped her tears and leaned back onto Phil’s arms. This was after all the desired effect 16 year old me had wanted moving in with my father.

I had a surprising thought as I squeezed into my window seat on the small flight, it had been decades since I flew economy. It was definitely humbling to think where I started from, so much of my teens was spend being so completely enamoured by the Cullens. Their perfection far extended beyond just their vampirism, flawless appearance but also the effortless wealth. The grace that only the truly rich had, expensive cars, branded clothes, how easily they threw cash at me. Uncaring that my whole annual budget on clothes was probably the same as what Alice spend on a single dress. It had taken so many years before I grew comfortable with wealth or my lack thereof.

Forks remained the same when I landed, so had flight journeys, or even lugging my two heavy bags from the trolly. The humidity hit me like a wall exiting from the artificially cold airport building, the sky was overcast with rumbling clouds. The air smelt wet, I filled my lungs in “Welcome back Bella” my mind chimed.

The joy was only limited to seeing my father again, Charlie who looked so remarkably young, was taken aback when I flung myself into his arms.
“Happy to see you too Bells”
I had chocked back my sobs, my father without his walking stick. How much had I forgotten what he looked alike, I looked intently memorizing every line of his face “You saw me six months back”
I drew back in embarrassment, I forgot how unusual all of this was for my parents. I was 16 and emotionally conspitipated, human emotions always felt stitled to me. Isabella Swan didn’t grow any less awkward with her age, she just got better at masking it.

While I was stuck in this weird purgatory of reliving my days at 16 my parents seem to be experiencing time differently.

“I guess I really missed you” Charlie looked embarrassed, slight dusting of red on his cheeks as he ducked down to get the rest of my bags. “Come on bells let’s get you home”

I marvelled at the sight of an unfamiliar Forks, the city like the rest of the world had underwent changes over the years and developed into something unrecognisable. This quiet wonderland of wilderness and being untouched by time would only stay on for a few more decades, but ofcourse nothing lasted for ever. Except vampires my brain unhelpfully added. The trees felt too green as I peered into the thick wildnerless on the side of the road, the moss grew on every rock. The memory of me lying on the damp Earth, on wet leaves and moss covered rocks flashed painfully into my mind. I brushed past that too peering into the forest instead.

I stretched in the car, unfamiliar with my younger body’s sluggishness. No joints popped, no bones ached, not the constant lull of pain that settled into my brain like a familiar blanket.

“I found a good car for you, really cheap,” Charlie announced, my enthusiasm this time around didn’t have to be faked. I missed my jeep, she had faithfully served me the till University and died when I joined my masters.

I stared out of the window intently till we reached home.
I impatiently jogged to my old new old car, It was a faded red color, with big, curvy fenders and a rounded cab. I ran my fingers through her faded exterior, peering into her clean upholstery “How much is it?”
“It’s a gift Bells” The car still smelt like tobacco, gasoline and peppermint, I smiled wide at Charlie “I love her”
Awkward Charlie looked embarrassed and pleased at my sudden proclamation “I want you to be happy here”

The home in Forks was drastically different and yet somehow the same as I thought it would be. I walked in like a tourist in a museum. Recently dusted house, clothes put away, the kitchen looked almost pristine and unused, the bookshelves still with the books Renee left behind. In a lot of ways the house was still a time capsule, for her father now and even later when I had reluctantly popped by.

I brushed past another stray surge of bitterness and made my way upto my childhood bedroom. There was a loose hinge somewhere in the floorboards, I engaged in the thought of sealing that shut. Even my room remained the same, the rocking chair from the nursery overlooked outside. Instead of lamenting on how unchanged my bedroom was, I fell face first into my newly made bed instead.

There was still a ball of anxiety as I made it through Forks high school. I parked my car on a mostly empty lot by the maroon building labelled “Front office”, I reluctantly took the map and the schedule as the thin secretary stared at me with poorly disguised curiosity. I made my way to English and took in all the stares as I made my way to the back of the class. It is impossible to drop out now Bella, I had to remind myself.
I glanced over the crowd of students, there wans’t a face I recognised. One of the boys, with slick backed hair and acne introduced himself as Erik, his eyes lingering on me more than appropriate. I stared back till he ducked back embarrassed, “you should sit with us for lunch” he offered. I nodded in acquiescence and made my way through the rest of the day. I sat through high shool classes remembering some and completely forgetting, my heart thumped loudly everytime I passed by classes my eyes inadvertently scanning for ‘them’.

Finally I made it to lunch, the cafeteria looked worn out and faded. I picked oatmeal for the dreary day and one crispy apple that stood out too red at the lunch tray.
“Hi Isabella” curly excitable Jessica said, her eyes sizing me up than warm, “I am Jessica” I nodded.

Almost jumping out of my skin when some boy butted in “Mike newton” he announced, all blonde and dimples. I vaguely remembered him, mostly that at some point he had an annoying crush on me. I grimaced at the vague recollection “Isabella”
“I know” he said excitably .

I could feel the moment they entered into the cafeteria, it was like their mere presence made the hairs on my nape stand up, my body tighten. I forced my breaths to even out, hyper aware of how loudly my heart was thumping as I turned and looked at them. My eyes roamed over them, the unnatural beauty of Rosalie, her blonde hair so perfectly styled like she was straight out a fashion magazine, her mouth dark red and tight in displeasure. Emmet strode in behind her, unnaturally smooth walk for how tall and bulky he was, his hair in dark curls. Jasper still walked in stiffly, his human face frozen unnaturally. His honey blonde hair fell in waves, his lithe figure cutting a stark contrast between Emmet and of course his much smaller companion. My eyes were drawn to Alice, her smaller body almost hidden in the crowd. I looked at her petite figure, almost hidden, pixie like as she flitted through the crowd. I missed her cold skinny arms holding me, I missed her smile.

I could almost feel like time stopped when Edward walked in. His hair was almost bronze under the cafeteria lights, eyes downcast, his eyelashes stark against his pale skin. His eyesbrows had a little wrinkle like he was annoyed, he looked up at me sharply. Probably bothered by my obvious staring, my lips quirked into a familiar smile before I could reign in under control. He looked irked, a quick flash before he looked away. All my anger and resentment melted away in a second, I tore my eyes away from them. Jessica was chattering away at something that I had blocked out, blood still roaring in my ears. I had to breath through my mouth, deep lungfuls to remind myself that I was still here and not dreaming
“Are you okay Isabella” the quiet girl next to me asked, I nodded. “The first day is pretty overwhelming” my voice cracked much to my embarrassment.

“That’s Edward. he’s hot, sure, but don’t waste your time. he doesn’t go out with anyone. Apparently none of the girls here are good enough for him,”Jessica’s voice tinged so heavily on bitterness that it took me out from my wallowing. I had forgotten about Jessica’s crush on Edward entirely.
I resisted the urge to stare at Cullens openly as they wrapped up the farce of eating at the cafeteria. Teenage me had more of an impulse control that I had considered, my shaking foot rattled the table which earned me nasty glare from a blonde girl at the end of the table.

I met with Angela webber who reintroduced herself, years later I had met Angela at a gala where my husband made an awkward joke about being surprised that I had friends in highschool. It always filled me up with guilt that I hadn’t tried to be better friends with her, I always remembered her of being kind and understanding about the massive depression I underwent at 17.

It was weird reliving the moment I had replayed in my head a million times, the gust of fan air that blew towards Edward as he stiffened up and stared at me with intense dislike. His pale arms flexing dangerously, his knuckles had a tight grip on the edge of the table. I could almost hear the table splintering, even his fingers looked perfect like a white marble statue crafted to perfection.
His face was twisted to pure hatred, how had my body ignored the obvious signs of danger before. My heart jackrabbited in my chest, it automatically curved away from him, his eyes were pitch black. Meeting it send a sharp shiver up my spine, his unnatural visage twisted in anger and grief, I looked away from this stranger Edward. He sat frozen and barely breathing as I was acutely aware of his presence. We sat unmoving as Edward contemplated ending my existence and I revelled in his sheer beauty. Maybe this was the end to my purgatory, Edward would loose his years wrought self control and end me in Mr Banner’s biology classroom in 2005.

The bell jolted both of us out of our respective hypnosis, Edward bolted out of his seat like his tail was on fire. I stared at him as he shot me another deeply resentful look and fled the classroom like a bat out of hell. I folded my biology quiz into my bag and decided to trudge through the rest of the day. By the end of gym class I managed to overheard Edward’s angry whispers about switching out classes. It didn’t hurt watching history repeat itself, I just stood by like a curious bystander resisting the urge to give him a cheery wave as he stormed away from the reception. Mike Newton made a lame pass about making conversation with me, I grimaced at him which put an abrupt end to his flirting. I didn’t have any emotional wavelenghth to feel anything other than fatigue. Repeating highschool really did feel like purgatory, with relief I drove back. Ending this weird slice of history.

Chapter Text

I woke up surprisingly refreshed, perhaps the 2 hour crying session before bed was really the hidden secret for getting good sleep. 

I couldn’t hear Charlie puttering around which meant I had plenty of time to get breakfast started. Sometime during the pandemic waves I had mastered the art of perfect bread making and was almost proud of how well they turned out.

The enthusiasm of baking fresh bread is what finally lured me out of bed, it took only an hour for the smell of bread to draw Charlie out to the kitchen as well. He hummed in approval “you didn’t have to Bells”

I didn’t of course, it was weird to think that mentally I was older than Charlie now.  I watched my father scarf down his breakfast with gusto, my mind went back to the last time he had visited at 72. He didn’t have much of an appetite then and she had been too busy with my upcoming PTA’s that she hadn’t quite noticed it either, only a week later he suffered a massive heart attack.

A part of me had always wondered if there was something I could have done to change that, it took a few seconds to brush away my mororse thoughts. 

*

Forks remained bright and sharply sunny, so I had left early and settled herself on the school stairs to eat an ice cream. I watched lazily as students stumbled in, some energetic, most of them zombies. It was strange to think that not a lot of them were staring at their screens, phones were still small and chunky. A group of younger girls were giggling and had their blackberry phones on full display. 

Angela seemed surprised to see my sunny self settled on the steps, and sat next to me stealing a huge bite of her ice cream sundae. “You are chirpy” she noted, “It’s a sunny day”

“Remind you of Phoenix”

Phoenix was far away in the periphery of my mind. Had my teenage self missed her home? It was strange to think how isolating most of my childhood was. I never had friends, stumbled through terrible years of ballet and watched my mother get into whirlwind romances while I chronically worried late into nights if Renee had paid the electricity bill.

“Nope” I popped my p and watched Angela in amusement.

The sunny day had meant none of the Cullens were at school, which also meant that I could spend the day without thinking of Edward or Alice. Was this how normal high school would have been like?

The evening was pleasant too, repeating high school with outdated technology gave me an excess of time I didn’t know what to do with. Algebra was the only thing which was a struggle and not conflating world history with the things that had come to pass. 

In the evening I booted up my chunky Microsoft desktop and spent several hours trying to figure out dial up again.

It had almost been a relief to step into the kitchen and focus on something else entirely. I had decided to make hand pulled noodles and made some homemade pickles for hours. Even Charlie looked surprised at the seemingly wide assortment of things happening in the kitchen

“Went a little crazy did you Bells?”

I shrugged and found that convincing Charlie to eat hand pulled noodles was a greater task than trying to tell him that technology had overtaken their lives in incomprehensible ways in a few decades. There was no steady stream of internet things for me to do, or even manage art galleries, charity or even oversee the family business just in case. Here in this time I was just 16, barely an adult still.

*

Returning to schedule was not the delight I had expected, the morning began like any other in Forks: gray skies and a fine mist hanging in the air. But something felt off, a prickling sensation at the back of my mind that wouldn’t let me relax. Maybe it was the grey skies but I felt weariness settle into my bones again, the sorrow I had fought off the other day was back in full force again.

I missed Emma, Alice and Charlie like something fierce, I missed Mathew. Would life have been better if I woke up at 50s spending a few last days with my dying husband. Maybe if I popped off early enough to diagnose his cancer. Maybe life would been vastly different?

I went to school regardless, Charlie had put snow chains on my car, the sight warmed my heart. I worried if his back was alright. Charlie had developed bad knees later in his life, maybe if I fed him better food now, made him exercise and lift weights than the random burst of labour-intensive tasks he took on...

“Spruced it up for you” Charlie said cheerfully when he stepped out watching me examine my tyres.

“Thanks Dad”

“You be careful Bells” he commented before driving away.

The snow was giant wet clumps, I was thankful for my oversized parka as a bitingly cold gust of wind passed away. Forks seemed cheerful enough.

‘Teenagers’ I thought absently as Jessica waved me over, it only took a second before a snowball thunked the back of my head. I looked over to Eric smiling cheekily, “Not a fan of the snow?” Angela asked as I undid my scarf and tried to get the snow off me before stepping into the classroom.

I hated the day already.

The whole thing felt uncomfortable and suffocating, the black sweater I had donned had the wool scratching at my neck like tiny ants. Tugging the hem, I muttered under my breath about how I missed clothes that didn’t feel like they were made to withstand a nuclear winter or even if I could afforded a more comfortable sweater. I had been a little spoilt too, over the last several decades I had donned only comfortable clothes and high end materials. A little price to pay for reliving my youth, I thought. The sky was heavy with gray clouds, and the air had that damp chill that clung to everything in Forks like a persistent fog.

The school hallway buzzed with the usual morning din of footsteps, half-asleep chatter, and lockers slamming shut. I trudged to my first class, ignoring the stares of a few students the excitement of the new girl still hadn't worn off yet.

Like Gods amongst mere mortals, the crowds parted to let the Cullen clan through. They were back, I thought absently. Rose look especially gorgeous with her blonde ringlets artfully styles yet casual enough that gleamed under the high school lights, particularly her pink sweater that looked deliciously comfortable. Though I doubted that was what captured most of high school's attention.

Edward was covered up too, in a black sweater like me though it looked more comfortable than my scratchy ones. I limited my mind wandering to him anymore.

His face forcefully pushed to the back of my mind till I saw him sitting in my usual seat in biology

“Bella Swan,” he greeted in that impossibly smooth voice when I sat beside him in biology, like honey and amber. His eyes were back molten gold, his tone had that toned perfection.

I remembered the black and white movies, the smooth timbre. 

"My name is Edward Cullen" he continued "I didn't get the chance to introduce myself" 

“Isabella Swan.” I corrected him

"Ah that does make more sense"

"No new age name here" I joked.

He laughed a soft, enchanting laugh.

What had I talked to him first I thought absently, was I flustered, did I stare at him too long. I stared at my notebook absently, was I supposed to make conversation or ignore him?

"Do you prefer Isabella?" he asked.

Mathew had always called me that, somehow coming from Edward's mouth it felt strange. I don't know what I was about to tell him but Mr Banner walking into the class put an end to the conversation.

"Ladies first, partner?" Edward asked. I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile. I had forgotten how lovely his smile was, there was a small indentation on the edge of his mouth when he smiled. I must have stared too long as he pushed the microscope towards me "Or I could start, if you wish."

I hesitated a bit too long that he started on the slides. I had only a vague recollection of 11th grade biology, it was embarrassing 

“You can check” he said, our knuckles brushed against each other. I had forgotten how cold his skin was I jolted back. Weirdly enough it wasn't the cold, it was like a jolt of electricity passed through us. 

“Prophase”

I checked as a formality, he wrote it down in his notes. Gods even his handwriting looked beautiful.

I felt vaguely annoyed then, what right did he have to be so perfect?

Like a trap, his eyes were now molten gold against the fluorescent lights, it was like staring at the sun. I looked away “you have beautiful eyes”

He looked surprised then, his hands were clenched into fists. Maybe I had made him uncomfortable.

Mr Banner had come over then with some drivel about me contributing more, I zoned out as Edward objected politely. 

 "It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" Edward asked, I was intrigued that he was making small talk with me.

“Could have been forgiven if it didn’t force me into wearing itchy sweaters” He looked amused again 

“Not a fan of the cold?”

I shrugged “or the wet” I shuddered

He tilted his head, studying me an intense gaze. “You don’t like it here.”

He took my silence for acquiescence 

Then why did you move here?”

I grimaced at this line of questioning “Mom got remarried and I thought it would be best to move” thats what 16 year old me had thought then

“Your mom sent you off because she got remarried?” Edward looked vaguely offended on my behalf. I resisted the urge to smile, it was such a microexpression. A smalled downward list of his mouth, the narrowing of his eyes.

  “No I sent myself”

Edward looked confused for a moment, again the tiniest changes when he spoke “I don’t understand?”

“Her new husband Phil is a minor league baseball player and travels quite a bit, I thought I would give them space”

At least that was the version I had told myself, in a lot of ways I had seen the exit signs myself. While Phil was a great guy who did truly try to be a part of my life, he definitely did not sign up to play step father to a teenager in his early thirties. I could sense the evident awkwardness then.

I glanced back at Edward who looked deep in thought, I hated this already that I had volunteered more information about my life than I intended. 

“And now you are here and unhappy” he said contemplatively.

“Oh well life” I shrugged “we don’t all get happy ending”

He looked saddened by the thought “Too soon to think of an ending already, you are 16”

I laughed rather mirthlessly “I am 96” 

He looked taken aback, there was a silence that stretched on. He was looking for the lie probably.

I went back to my doodling, realising I had drawn a heart with a crack in the middle. 

“My mom used to tell me I was an old soul trapped in a younger body”

I could feel his gaze on my face, wondering “Perhaps that I can agree with”

I looked at him again “In a way its all predictable, how a life can turn out” he looked intrigued.

I wondered if he knew that he had tilted himself towards me, it was like he was both drawing closer and further away 

“What do you mean?”

What did I mean? Was I going to tell him I already knew how my life was going to play out.

Whatever answer I could come up with was interrupted by Mr Banner calling the class to attention again. I snapped my notebook shut and looked ahead, ending the conversation. 

Maybe I had expected more because I felt disappointed when Edward had fled the class again like a bat out of hell when the bell rang.

By lunchtime, the snow had started in earnest. Forks’ snowfall wasn’t like Phoenix’s rare rainfall; it was endless and oppressive. I stared out the cafeteria window as Angela chatted about the some photographs she had taken for the school newspaper, she was hoping to create a think piece about life in Forks. 

As the day progressed so did that pit in my stomach. It was then that I remembered  that the first day of snow in Forks was when Tyler’s car would spin out of control and Edward’s rescue strengthened that invisible line of connection between us. I loitered by the school entrance, keeping my distance from the parking lot. If I stayed out of the way, there wouldn’t be an accident. 

Would someone else be hit then? My mind asked, what if it wasn't me? Would Edward throw himself in front of the car for some other awkward 16 year old starting their lIfe?

The warning screech of tires pulled me out of my thoughts. I whipped around, heart sinking as I saw Tyler’s van fishtailing wildly. A sickening crunch followed as it smashed into a parked car, then spun toward the patch of asphalt where I should have been standing.

And then he wasn’t. A blur shot past me, and suddenly Edward was there, one hand pressed firmly against the van’s crumpled side, me pressed beneath him as he halted the van from crushing me on the side of the school. The metal groaned under his grip as the van came to a shuddering halt, mere inches from my feet.

For a second, everything was silent. Then Tyler scrambled out of his van, pale and shaking. "Oh my God," he stammered. "Bella, are you okay?"

I was still there, Edward palms holding the back of my head. I could smell him so close, his perfume, his arms around me like an iron cage. I was, alas, back in his arms again.

Chapter Text

The nurse’s office was a blur of activity, but I barely registered it. There were students carted off, some seemingly in shock. Tyler was definitely more injured and so was the kid in the other car he hit.

Despite Edward’s full body save, I was still put in a neck brace embarrassingly in front of the whole school. I could hear Tyler’s panicked shouts, my head was still a jumbled mess.     

I was so humiliated, how could I have been so careless? I was older and should have been wiser.

I was seething. Furious at Edward, at fate, at my inability to change a single thing. I’d tried to rewrite the story, to stop this moment from happening, but it didn’t matter. Edward had saved me again this time, my life inevitably tangled with him when I hadn't even decided where to go from here. I hadn’t even decided if I even wanted Edward in my life without the anvil of gratitude of him saving my life now hanging over my head.

Edward was hovering, concerned. So close, I could still feel his arm around the metal frame of my chair, I wondered if he was aware of how close he was standing. I could see flecks of dust on his dark shirt, asphalt probably, speck of dust, maybe broken glass. 

“Are you alright?” he had picked a glass shard out of my hair. I didn’t know if he was concerned about me or the thought of my blood spilled all over the asphalt.

“Well you did rescue me” I settled for instead, “I was close by thankfully”

I knew that in the past this had been the breaking point, where I had insisted that I had seen Edward from across the lot. The whole conversation that started our entanglement, I could do that again. I could start the conversation that ultimately lead to Edward’s interest in me.

Instead I chose to look outside the window, there were people rushing by. No doubt worrying about their loved ones. 

“Guess I was exceptionally lucky” Edward looked like he was searching my face, some stray comment about seeing him or commenting on how the car had dented along the shape of his palms.

But what would have been the point then? Another year, counting down the seconds to when he left me again. Knowing that I would never heal from a single heartbreak in my teenage years. I felt pathetic, Edward always had the ability to make me feel that way.

“Thank you” I settled for instead, maybe it was all the things I held in my heart as I looked into his eyes. The gold had faded as the blackness creeped in the edges, it was exceptionally beautiful. I could feel my voice catch a little as I looked into his face, “Thanks you for saving my life”

He looked embarrassed then, even ashamed. It was strange to think that I had thought his face unreadable, yet now I could see his microexpressions.

“I am…”Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by the nurse who guided me to meet Mr Cullen. I could see Edward still had the strange almost constipated look on his face again.

The room smelled of antiseptic, the fluorescent lights buzzing faintly. I knew what was coming next: Carlisle Cullen, Forks’ too-handsome doctor with an otherworldly calm that put everyone at ease. A part of me had missed Carlisle as well, I would never see him after 17 of course, but he had always been so exceptionally kind to me.

Sure enough, he walked in, clipboard in hand, his presence as commanding as I remembered. "Bella Swan," he said warmly. "It’s good to see you."

I stared at him, wondering if he knew. If his ageless eyes saw through my façade, recognized me as something other than a clueless teenager. "Thanks, Dr. Cullen," I said, keeping my voice neutral.

He examined me with professional precision, his movements smooth and practiced. But there was a flicker of something in his gaze when he caught my eye, curiosity, perhaps, or suspicion.

"You’re lucky," he said as he finished his examination. "That could have been much worse."

“Yes I am so thankful that Edward was so close by” I said it with practised perfection. I had to maintain the cover story after all.

Carlisle tilted his head, intrigued, but didn’t press

Charlie paced the small room where I sat on the examination bed, arms crossed, doing my best to appear fine despite the throbbing ache in my shoulder. Tyler’s van had missed me, technically, but I still wasn’t fast enough to avoid being knocked to the ground in the commotion. It wasn’t life-threatening, but try telling that to Charlie.

“What were you thinking, Bella?!” he burst out, raking a hand through his hair. “You could have been killed!”

“I wasn’t thinking,” I admitted, though it wasn’t the whole truth. I reached out and touched his arm in an effort to calm him, I was so careless and oblivious to my surrounding, a trait that had carried over all my life.

“You gotta be careful Bells” he said, his voice trembling. Charlie rarely expressed any emotion, but fear had pushed him to the edge. “What if Edward hadn’t been there?”

I saw that Edward had already gotten to him, or was it was the gossiping hospital staff. When I was younger these details had seemed trivial but as an adult I could see how easily information and the groundwork for Cullens humanity was so resolutely fixed.

I nodded along, this was my part to play as well.

When Charlie eventually led me outside I could see an angry  Rosalie and a concerned Emmet standing with Edward, from the distance I could see their hushed conversation and angry looks. In a way the obvious way forward was already laid down.

I led Charlie to them in the hopes that their anger wouldn’t still lead them to killing the police chief in broad daylight.

Charlie had proactively patted Edward’s back, “Thank you for saving Bella’s life”

Edward had his practised polite smile that looked rough around the edges, “I was lucky that I was close by”

I took Charlie’s hands “Yes if only I had been paying better attention, I am such a klutz”

Rosalie opened her mouth as if she was about to say something sharp but Emmet grabbed her hand almost immediately.

Edward shook his head looking uncomfortable.

This would be my goodbye I thought idly, the point where I untangled my life completely from the Cullens and the subsequent vampire drama.

*

Back home, I sat cross-legged on my bed, a notebook open in front of me. My attempt to stop the accident had failed, but maybe I could still steer my life in a different direction. If I was stuck in this timeline, why not make it work for me?

I jotted down a list of major events that were coming up:

• Investments: Google, Amazon, Bitcoin. If I could find a way to make some money—babysitting or odd jobs—I could invest and potentially secure a future where I wasn’t scraping by.
  
  
• Crisis Events: The financial collapse of 2008. I couldn’t stop it, but I could prepare for it.
  
  
• Tech Trends: The rise of social media. Facebook, YouTube, and eventually TikTok. Was there a way to capitalize on that?
  
  

Then I paused, tapping the pen against my lip. Could I prevent the larger catastrophes? The wars, the climate disasters, the senseless tragedies? The thought weighed heavy on me. It was overwhelming, impossible even. But wasn’t it worth a try?

Or was it better to focus on smaller victories, avoiding the heartbreak, the danger, and the chaos that had plagued my original life? Could I stop the Cullens from becoming a central part of my story? Could I keep Jacob safe from the weight of his destiny? Would I chose to meet Mathew? If I didn’t would I have the same children. The thought filled me with pangs of heartache so acute that it seemed debilitating.

I scribbled a few more notes, my handwriting frantic:

• Avoid Cullen drama.
• Keep Charlie safe. (Check his diet? Prevent accidents?)
• Save money and invest smartly.
• Warn people about future events... carefully.

This time around, I wasn’t going to sit back and let fate have its way with me. If I couldn’t stop Edward from showing up in my life, maybe I could at least control how much I let him interfere.

And maybe, just maybe, I could make something good out of this second chance.

*

I woke up bright and vaguely disoriented, there was a dream. A little girl that looked like Alice, running and chasing me, but as I reached towards her, her face morphed. I couldn’t picture what it was before I gasped awake.

I had forgotten my children, Alice’s face was fast fading. The thought gripped me like an iron vice, panic came in waves. I spent what seemed like an eternity before sanity returned.

It was way too early for school but I was up for hours. Maybe it was because I was a teenager again that I felt uneasy with all my energy.

Jessica was already in school looked surprised to see me

“ you are here already”

She looked awkward and sweaty, she was in Forks barely there sports programme training for track and field

I remembered vaguely that Jessica had gotten a sports scholarship, while I was still in the throes of depression. She was a senior by the time I went to university, the thought made me jealous.

“Yea well”

I looked away, somehow the youthful exuberance unnerved me a little. How was I as a teenager?

“Well I gotta take a shower now” she said shifting her weight one feet to another “I guess I will see you around”

Years into the future when I finally joined Facebook out of some morbid curiosity and other university students looking at me strange when I said I had no social media, I would see Jessica again. Fresh out of college, working a journalism job, a scant few years later a wedding picture. That was the last memory I had of her, our paths never crossed again in adulthood till I was 96.

It was funny to think that this facsimile of a friendship in brief high school purgatory was the only one I had really remembered.

The thing about being in the past was high school, I hadn’t used calculus for half a century, there were numbers, alphabets, there was cell division and history of wars and dates which was now critical if I ever dreamed of passing school again. I was so exhausted nearing lunch that I had to grit and trudge through to history class mentally rambling about the irrationality of classes being something you had to walk to. In most Asian countries the teachers came to your class and not the other way around. It was perhaps my own deep thoughts that prevented me from reacting when someone slipped their arms through to mine.

It felt like a cold metal rode against my body, the cold seeping in through my thin sweater, I jolted back in shock. There was a short dark haired girl instead

Alice Cullen

Alice was beautiful, I knew this of course but memory had often distorted how she looked.Her black hair in choppy waves and her amber eyes seemed to glow, her mouth is a wonderful upwards tilt. For a moment I forgot how to breathe.

“Isabella” she said “the new kid, I have a feeling that we are going to be great friends”

It was an odd thing to say, without the context I had on her.

I smiled back “I am sure” 

I didn't add the part that just for a scant few months though before you abandon me till presumably my death bed.

Alice talked a lot, maybe I had forgotten that as I listened to her drone on. She talked about her practised lie with ease, her eyebrows twitching with the slightest displeasure. “But of course we moved to Forks, I lived here a long time back but it was different then…”

We sat together during the class, she had leaned over then suddenly jerking back like she was shocked “you smell amazing though” She said 

There was something in her eyes then, almost unhinged. For a minute I felt like I was in a horror movie, like fate the bell rang jolting her from the moment.

“I didn’t believe it when Edward…” she trailed off catching herself

“Edward talked about me?” Alice smiled in excitement, she probably mistook my curiosity for interest in him 

“Yes I heard about your accident yesterday” she paused her thoughts probably racing “you hit your head pretty bad”

I laughed, my short bark of laughter surprising several people who turned to look at me.

Alice looked taken aback as well.

They remained unchanging from the start to end, their loyalties with each other seamlessly looking down on humanity while envying them. Like other worldly Gods deciding what was best for the rest of us

“Is that what Edward said”

She was surprised again, reaching towards me but I got up sharply, I think it's the lunch break and I usually join Jessica. Alice looked hurt, she opened her mouth like she was about to say something and then snapped it shut.

“Okay”

I was out of the door.

I was thankful that the day didn’t have biology and was yet surprised to see him in English. 

I did not sit close to him, he had taken the seat in the back and I picked the one furthest from him.

Yet from the corner of my eyes I could see him, sitting ramrod straight, starving from the scent of my blood in this enclosed room.

A part of me wanted to stare at him unabashedly. His bronze hair, almost red in the sunlight sometimes, his sharp jaw and kind mouth. He could have been the God I followed to hell.

But in this life we were neither and Edward did not make any attempt to converse further with me. In biology I ended up sitting next to Mike who looked thrilled at the development.