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Chapter Text

It has been a long day for Cang Yuan . 

A very long day .

All he wanted was to gather some ripe loquats near Dafan mountain, and give his dear father a little surprise gift. Little did he expect he’d be the one getting surprised. 

A surprise battle between colorful cultivators and holy shit is that a moving rock statue?

His father had been right when he said the outside world is dangerous. Who is he kidding, his father had always been right. He should have listened to his father and stayed in their little cottage, taking care of their little farm. But he had gone out his way and got himself stuck in the mess of a magical battle, the only thing his father always warns him off, very sternly. 

He should run away from there, he wants to run away. Except the whole forest is surrounded by fire, not giving him a safe escape. Then there’s the white cladded boy who saved him from the deity binding nets, struggling to direct his team. He doesn't want to leave the poor boy alone. He wished he could be of any help. 

He would help if he could help himself first. Because that huge rock statue was attacking aimlessly- not exactly aimlessly, it wanted to attack a particularly loud yellow cladded boy, the boy was running around him aimlessly- thus the aimless attacks. 

The thing is, Cang Yuan knows what he can do and what he can’t. That doesn’t stop him from trying to save a boy younger than him, even if it is just acting as the boy’s shield. 

A-die would do the same. Cang Yuan thought. A-die would be proud. 

Acting as a shield of a pompous rich cultivator was the dumbest thing he’s ever done in his sixteen years of life. Not only did the boy push him away, he also yelled, “Don’t get in my way.” As if Cang Yuan wants to. The humongous rock statue, annoyed that he's on her way, flicked Cang Yuan away like a pebble. He hit someone else- no he crashed on someone else- a man who has been trying to manage the tumultuous teens with a makeover of the hanged ghost. 

“Kid, are you okay?” The man asked, surpassing a groan. Cang Yuan  is sure the man is also a cultivator or he wouldn’t have just groaned like a whole almost adult human was not thrown at him. 

“I’m-” he coughs violently in an attempt to regulate his breathing. It hurt to breathe as though knives were piercing his lungs, as though he was dying. “-not okay.”he ends up saying.

His father would be upset if he knew his son lied. Hell, he has already made his father upset enough just as the sun set over the horizon. It’s dark, night, his father must be waiting for him. Cang Yuan left a note saying he'd be back in two days. His two days are over. So is his father's faith in him. Alas, he might never make it back home. He is seeing a light, a light too bright and ah- he’s dying. 

It’s the end of his life, punishment for going against his father’s warnings. Who will tell his father that his son is dead.  Cang Yuan  is the only family he has. And these supercilious cultivators could care less of one dead commoner. Maybe he can make a dying request, to the man in whose lap he’s currently dying in. He doesn’t look that supercilious, he looks like he lives to make a joke out of himself. 

“Gege” Cang Yuan  wheezes out. “tell my father that I love him. Tell him that I’m sorry.” He coughs more as he feels warm hands grip his palms.  

“No,” the mad in black robes wishepers, as devastated as one can sound at a stranger dying on him. 

He’s a good person, Cang Yuan determined.

“You can’t die.” the man wiped his fake tears, and Cang Yuan  didn't make a comment on that. “Nothing is wrong with you.” the man slaps the exact same spot that statue hit him in. 

“OW- That hurts!” Actually it doesn’t hurt as bad as before. 

“If you can shout that means you’re fine.” The man grins at him. Despite the hideous makeover, his smile makes Cang Yuan  all fuzzy inside. “Stand up and stay here. I’ll deal with that.” 

Since early childhood, Cang Yuan  has been very obedient. He obeyed his father’s instructions without a question. Until he was ten, he obeyed only when he found them reasonable. The man instructed him to stay there.  Nine year old Cang Yuan would follow as instructed. Sixteen year Cang Yuan though.....

A rebellious part of him wants to go against that instruction, a rebellious part of him wants to call out to the man, cling to him, and take him away from the chaos. That avid part of him wants to have the man smile at him again and forever. 

Why'd he feel something like that for a silly looking man?

Disregarding his feelings, he acts as he was told. He watches the man shoot talismans at the statue, freeing the yellow cladded boy from its grasp. The man snatches the white cladded boy’s sword from him without his consent, making the boy sputter polite nonsense. Cang Yuan can't help but think, the boy is funny and really interesting. How can one be so rude in a courteous manner? 

Soon, the black cladded man came into view with a bamboo in hand. He quickly cuts holes in it to make a flute out of it and plays a tune, and it sounds terrible. 

The screeches made their ears ring so bad that even the statue stopped to stop him. 

“Why are you playing music at this moment?” The white cladded boy shouts, stepping closer to where Cang Yuan  was. “It sounds awful.” 

“It stopped the statue.” Cang Yuan  informs him shouting at the top of his lungs. He spoke too soon perhaps, the statue turned to attack the yellow cladded boy once again, the boy was too stubborn for his own good. Even when his peers requested him not to fight, the boy shot more arrows. 

Is he that desperate to die? 

Cang Yuan's attention shifted to the jingling sound of bells- no, chains. Out of nowhere a man in tattered robes appeared before the statue saving the suicidal boy. The man had chains locked in his limbs and neck as if he was a prisoner. He couldn’t tell if it was the glow of the night sky or the man actually had ashen skin.

“It’s the ghost General.” One older man shouted. Cang Yuan  wanted to correct him, at best the man was a corpse not a ghost, should he not be named corpse General? 

Then, Holy shit it’s the Ghost General! He shouted in his head.

Yilling patriarch’s strongest cohort. But it is said he was burned to ashes. How was that even possible? Or did another clone of ghost general exist? 

In the rush of everything, Cang Yuan  slowly caught on to the awful flute music. The man in black robes continuously played his flute and the ghost General was defeating the statue. It felt like the man was controlling Ghost General’s action, like the infamous Yiling patriarch did. 

Musical cultivation! Cang Yuan immediately thought of. 

The man knew musical cultivation as well. But it was not common to control corpses was it? Was that not a "only yilling patriarch would do" thing? 

The Ghost General swiftly defeated the killer statue and no one batted an eye at a man who controlled a corpse, or it didn’t even occur to them.  The first thing on their mind was to capture the Ghost General so they can get a bounty. 

“A dog with no owner” they called the Ghost General. Cang Yuan  was getting tempted to correct them. The dog in question had an owner and the owner was right in front of them. Do they really not observe? 

His father was right. Cultivators are a bunch of arrogant fools, showing off morality when all they care about is their reputation. They jumped on a pretty much feral Ghost General who attacked them back. 

“Why are you fighting? He just saved our lives.” Shouted the same white cladded boy. He had a little conscience than the other sects. Maybe Cang Yuan should name him other than calling him ‘the white cladded boy’. It’s a bit risky and he’s going against his father’s warnings again. It’s just for this one boy, he argued in his mind. It’s not like he’s ever going to meet the boy again.

A Lan disciple. 

The white cladded Lan boy stopped his sect disciples from attacking the Ghost General, while the other men from different sects were getting strangled. Cang Yuan  glanced at the black cladded man, asking why he was letting it happen. 

The man looked as lost as Cang Yuan . Like he didn’t know what to do. He was no longer controlling the Ghost General,  the Ghost General was acting by himself. 

“Gege?” he called, just to make sure the man didn’t lose his sense after controlling the resentful corpse. 

“Mo Xuanyu!” the Lan boy called the man as well. He called the man, Mo Xuanyu, as if he expected to be instructed, as if he had been instructed them for ages. 

They were not from the same sect that Cang Yuan  was sure about . Lan disciples won’t hang out with hooligans looking like him, would they? 

Their calls brought not Mo Xuanyu’s attention but the Ghost General’s. The undead man swiftly ran up to him ready to tear out his throat, before Cang Yuan could think better. Surprisingly the Lan boy saves him again by attacking the Ghost General. 

“Run away!” the boy shouts trying to stop the Ghost General with all his strength. Cang Yuan, who had never been close to a situation so dire, froze down to his feet. 

All this time, he thought he was strong. He had trained hand to hand combat with his father everyday after he turned seven. He played wrestling with his friends and was victorious everytime. He learned one or two cultivational tricks on his own. Never had he ever thought an actual night hunt would be so life threatening. He has an emergency talisman he could use, he should save the Lan boy but his body was not listening to his brain. 

“Do not use them unless the circumstances are lethal.” his father’s words echoed in his mind. The circumstance is lethal, he shouted in his head. Yet he couldn’t do anything. 

Alas, the Lan boy couldn’t hold much longer as he was shoved away pitifully. Soon the blank white eyes fell upon him and Cang Yuan was being choked up by the Ghost General’s hand. 

His vision almost blacked out when the melody of a flute was played. The grip on his throat was slowly getting loose but not completely off. The man, Mo Xuanyu, played a melody that calmed the Ghost General’s killing intent. The melody he has heard several times in his father’s guqin. It’s a melody that only he and his father know. Where did Mo Xuanyu learn of that? 

As the melody soothed them down, Ghost General’s eyes turned normal, with human-like pupils. His killing intent gone with a face that looks almost apprehensive. As if he just woke up and had no idea what he was doing.The meek nervous darting of his eyes reminded Cang Yuan  of someone.  Of who, he doesn’t know. But deep in his heart, he knew that the man had fed him the best soup he has ever had. 

Strangely the memory brought back a few more memories of his childhood. The melody of his childhood, a man burying him in the ground, so many turnips and bones. A man in black getting scolded by a woman. Leaf-made butterfly toys, him showing it to granny. 

He never had a granny, did he? His father never talked about her.

His chain of thought was cut off by a swift jump off the corpse man running away from the cultivators who were once again ready to capture him. One team ran after him and another shouted to report the sect leader of Mo Xuanyu. A man who could control the Ghost General with his flute was no good news. Those vicious sect leaders could care less if the man’s intent were good. To them all crimes are crime, even the act of philanthropy. 

Cang Yuan  was no sect leader, nor did he belong to a sect. He felt a tug of affection for the man that saved him after all. He doesn’t want the man to be prisoned. 

“Sect leader! He’s the one!” shouted a man to a purple cladded noble looking one. The sect leader is no older than his father but he bears himself like he had seen things. 

“So you are finally here!” the sect leader sneered, “Wei Wuxian.” 

Wei Wuxian. The Yilling patriarch’s courtesy  name! Is Mo Xuanyu really the infamous Yilling patriarch? That could not be. Cang Yuan quickly glanced at the supposed Yilling patriarch but the man in question was running away. A quick flash of purple light passed his vision as he saw Mo Xuanyu being thrown afar by it. 

A whip! The sect leader just whipped a man without conforting his crimes.  

No one batted an eye, except for a few young Lan disciples. Except for him no one ran to check the poor man. 

“Gege, are you alright?” he asked, holding the man up. Mo Xuanyu groaned a little. Just how high is his pain tolerance?

A donkey beside them neighed and nudged Mo Xuanyu as if it was asking whether or not he was okay. Even an animal has more sympathy than these cultivators.

“OW, ow” Mo Xuanyu whined. That was not an appropriate response to being whipped by a spiritual tool. 

“How amazing!” Mo Xuanyu mocked getting onto his feet. He hides behind his donkey like a cat hissing at a dog. “You really can do anything when you’re from a powerful sect, can’t you? You can beat up anyone you want.” Mo Xuanyu clicked his tongue. 

How brave of him, speaking his mind without fearing for his life. Cang Yuan wished he was half as brave as the man. And maybe he could give it a try. 

“Yu-gege saved the people from dying. It was inconsiderate of the sect leader to hit him.” What Cang Yuan said was what he believed to be right. He expected the shocked gasps from cultivators but not the shocked expression from the man he was speaking out for. 

“Just who the hell are these two?” The purple cladded sect leader taunted. His whip was crackling lightning of purple color. Cang Yuan feared he was going to be whipped as well, unconsciously tightened his grip on Mo Xuanyu’s shoulder. Catching on to his fear, Mo Xuanyu subtly pushed himself forward as to shield Cang Yuan from the wrath of the sect leader’s whip.

The cultivators nearby informed the sect leader about Mo Xuanyu’s affiliation with another sect. He indeed practiced the wrong path for his low cultivation. But they assured that the man was not the Yilling patriarch for he wouldn’t possess a lunatic like him. 

They hesitated to explain why Mo Xuanyu was considered a lunatic, why he was exiled from his sect. They only answered when the sect leader implored for clarification.

Mo Xuanyu was a cut-sleeve, he was exiled after harassing an important sect member. Apparently his own half brother.

Strangely, to Cang Yuan the man didn’t look like he’d harass someone. But if that makes the sect leader disgusted he’d let go of them.

The sect leader glanced at them or rather Mo Xuanyu and maybe he was considering. “All right. Capture him.” 

That was not what Cang Yuan expected from the man. Nor did he expect Mo Xuanyu to drape himself over Cang Yuan like a helpless maiden. 

“No, what are you gonna do to me?” Mo Xuanyu whined in high pitches like he truly was a maiden in distress. “Will you take me back to your home and lock me up and use my body to pleasure yourself?” 

Shameless! Cang Yuan wanted to shout. His face felt warm and he darted his gaze to hide from his embarrassment, only to see the Lan boy face palming himself out of exasperation. No doubt the boy has experienced the same embarrassment from the man. The boy looks at him pitifully and smiles as if it’s really funny to watch him suffer. 

“Sect leader Jiang,” The Lan boy saluted the sect leader, “As you can see Mo Xuanyu is not possessed by the Yilling patriarch, why capture him?” 

“And who are you to question me?” the sect leader yelled.

“Oh my,” Mo Xuanyu cooed, “Sect leader Jiang is so set on having me. Am I that pretty?” 

Must you infuriate him more? Cang Yuan gave him a jab with his elbow. 

“What is going on, may I ask?” a new voice appeared to the clearing. As the owner of the voice came to sight, Cang Yuan feared for a moment that the man was his father. 

Ridiculous, why would his father be there of all places.

The said man turned out to be the sect leader of the Lan sect. A highly respected person from the way everyone bowed to him immediately after his arrival. ‘Zewu-jun’ some regarded him as. No matter who he was or what his title is, Cang Yuan couldn’t set his eyes aside for the uncanny resemblance with his father. How on earth can another man look alike his father? 

The man, Zewu-jun however had a deep frown that didn't match his father, he had facial lines making him look rather an older and a less happy- no, a completely unhappy version of his father. His eyes were not as kind or forgiving.

“I asked a question.” The sect leader  uttered with no hint of pity. 

The Lan boy steps forward and informs him of the circumstances with short but legible portrayal. 

“You were out of signal illuminations?” the sect leader repeated curtly. His brows crinkled more as he said, “Punishment will be assigned, for all of you.” 

Somehow the white cladded sect leader felt harsher than the purple cladded sect leader. It didn’t sit in his heart that someone bearing the same face as his father would be so cruel. 

“Now you’re teaching your disciples, sect leader Lan?” the other sect leader sneered with a smirk. “Teach them not to butt in others' business as well.” He glanced at Mo Xuanyu but Mo Xuanyu was staring at the white cladded sect leader with disbelief. 

“Mo Xuanyu.” The white cladded sect leader said as a greeting. They know each other and not on good terms. 

Bad news.

Surprisingly the white cladded sect leader sighed out of frustration, the frown not leaving his temple. 

“Sect leader Jiang, would I be wrong to assume that you plan to capture Mo Xuanyu for his practice in demonic cultivation?” 

“Not at all. After all, Zewu-jun is always right.” The purple cladded sect leader huffed. It was not a praise.

“Jiang Wanyin, I asked you to stop hunting unorthodox practitioners.” 

“And why shall I listen to you?” 

By the looks of it, Cang Yuan could tell the two sect leader’s relationship was not good. The White cladded sect leader looked disappointed  and the purple cladded sect leader looked furious. Even Mo Xuanyu was as still as an unmoving rock. 

Out of the blue Cang Yuan felt a tug on his sleeve and was met with the Lan boy with a sheepish smile. He shushed him and Mo Xuanyu and signaled to quietly follow him.

An escape?

While the two sect leaders quarreled, they soundlessly made their way out of their sight. The donkey that Mo Xuanyu pulled was as quiet as them. It was a smart one, father would like it.

“Zewu-jun looked like he was in a bad mood.” Mo Xuanyu breathed. 

“You might have harassed him as well.” 

“I don’t think I did." Mo Xuanyu says with doubt. A grin appears in his face, "I’d rather harass his brother." He thinks he's funny.

The Lan boy huffs a laugh full of melancholy “Too bad his brother is no more.” 

“What?” surprised, Mo Xuanyu asks. His shock was ignored as the Lan boy steps aside to show a stream. “You can escape from here.” 

Mo Xuanyu shook his head, if there was enough light maybe Cang Yuan could tell what kind of face he was making.

“No, what do you mean his brother is no more? You don't mean he is…” He doesn’t finish his words.

“You act as you've been living under a rock.Don’t you know? We’re not allowed to talk about that. I’ve already risked helping you escape.” 

Mo Xuanyu opened his mouth to speak more but no word came out of his mouth. 

“Thankyou for helping us.” Cang Yuan says in Mo Xuanyu’s stead. 

“Why are you thanking me? You weren’t even involved with him in the first place.” The Lan boy scoffed with delight. “He brought the trouble upon himself. You had no reason to help him.” 

“I did.” Cang Yuan shook his head. He has many reasons to help the man, but most importantly, he wants to know who the man is to him, and why he feels so familiar.

“Well, as you say.” The Lan boy hesitates, smiling, “I’d walk you back to your home if my sect leader was not there.” 

The implication of having someone walk him back home felt so tender that it made Cang Yuan blush. No one had ever walked him back home, he had only read them in romance novels. That made things even worse.

“My home is at Jue yu village.” An unnecessary information sharing. “I appreciate your efforts.” 

“whoa, isn’t that really far? Will you be safe? Why were you here anyway?” 

His questionable life decisions have brought him here, Cang Yuan doesn’t say. “I believe Yu-gege will accompany me.” He clasps his hands on the man's arm, shaking him out of his thoughts. “Will you not?” 

“Yeah I will. What do you want me to do?” The man didn’t even hear what they were talking about. Was the news of the sect leader’s brother's death too shocking for him? 

“Lunatic, you will escort him to jue yu village. Safe and sound.” The Lan boy ordered. 

“Jue yu? Isn’t that at the borders of Bailing?” 

“Yes.” 

Mo Xuanyu mentally calculates the distance, and tells him to get on his donkey.  

“Thanks for helping me escape, Lan boy.” Mo Xuanyu slapped him on the shoulder. 

“Who’s Lan boy?” the Lan boy yells, lowering his voice he bows to Cang Yuan, “This one is named Lan Fen, courtesy Jingyi.” 

Cang Yuan bows, not mentioning that he too has been calling him Lan boy in his mind all these time. “Cang Yuan, courtesy Sizhui.” 

Cang Yuan wished he could talk to Lan Jingyi more, ask if his name Fen was from the Fen river. But the boy hesitated on his steps, nervously glancing at the path they came from as though scared he'd caught. 

“Let's go now. You two lovers can meet later.” Mo Xuanyu groaned. 

“Who are lovers?” Lan Jingyi punched the man with a bright red face. Cang Yuan is sure his face was no less red. Then with a quick glance back at them, Lan Jingyi waves as he leaves smiling brightly at him. 

“Ah, young love.” Mo Xuanyu dramatically sighed. Cang Yuan didn’t feel like correcting him. “If only I was as lucky as young master, I wouldn’t be banished from my sect.” 

“Please don’t call me Young master.” Cang Yuan laughs, “Everyone in my village calls me A-Yuan.” 

“A-Yuan?” Mo Xuanyu repeated, quieter than expected. The moonless night doesn’t let him see clearly what kind of face the man was making but if Cang Yuan guessed he’d say sad, melancholic. “It’s a nice name. Who named you?”

“My father did.” He doesn’t mention Yuan is a common name, but it’s a nice name nevertheless. 

“You are here so far, does your father know?” 

“I left him a note that I’ll be back in a day or two.” He does not mention that two days have passed already. He trails off wondering what his father would do with him returning so late. At best it’d take him another day to return to his village, only if they continue their journey without stopping. 

“Don’t worry, if he gets mad, I’ll take the blame. I am very experienced at that.” Mo Xuanyu laughed.

How was taking another’s blame on himself a matter to be proud of? “My father will not get mad at a stranger without reasons.” 

“Who said we are strangers? You call me Yu-gege, I call you A-Yuan, that makes us pretty close,doesn’t it?” The man smiles toothily. His makeover smudged into nothing. Cang Yuan makes them stop near the stream to collect water for their journey, to check if the man washes off his makeup. The man does, and surprisingly, he looks beautiful. Perhaps hiding his beauty was the reason behind his hideous makeup. His father would understand. Not that he uses rouge powers or makes himself look ugly. Just not wanting people to show his face, hiding behind a veil, yeah they’d understand each other. 

“Yu-gege is beautiful.” Cang Yuan couldn’t help but state. 

“Ehhhh? Is A-Yuan trying to flirt with me? Should I inform Young master Jingyi that he has a rival in love?” Mo Xuanyu teases him in a way that makes his insides feel like flour dough. 

“I’m only stating what’s true. You have a good-looking face.” 

Hearing him, Mo Xuanyu look at the rippling reflection, carefully examining his own face. He stares as if it was not the face he was born with, as if it’s not the face he has had till today. 

“I guess I am quiet good looking.” He nods. “Trust me I used to look better.” 

“Is that so?” 

“I may look young but let me tell you, I’m actually thirty two years old. I was a handsome prodigy during my youth.” 

“You’re the same age as my father!” Cang Yuan couldn’t control his gasp, he looks really young, in his mid-twenties or so. 

“So I warn you, A-Yuan. I’m like your father. Don’t fall in love with me, I have no interest in children.” Mo Xuanyu solemnly says but Cang Yuan knows it’s all bluff.

“No one’s falling in love with you.” He wanted to joke. Soon he remembered that love was the reason why the man was exiled from his sect. He felt bad for saying that. 

They continue their journey quietly, with Mo Xuanyu quietly walking and him riding the donkey’s back. The night was as quiet as them and it reminded Cang Yuan of the harsh words he used. 

“I believe Yu-gege will find his true love soon.” He murmured, embarrassed to pick up a topic they left untouched. 

“Huh? Don’t worry about me. One can live without having someone loving them. It’s not that hard.” 

He knows it’s possible, he has seen his father. That doesn’t mean his father was happy. That didn’t mean having someone to love them was not a significant part of life. 

“Besides, I’m a cut-sleeve, demonic cultivator, old, exiled from my sect, who’d love me.” Mo Xuanyu adds. 

After a beat of pause, Cang Yuan mutters, “that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You being a cut-sleeve is a part of you, you practice demonic path because of your low cultivation, and you don't use it with bad intentions. You didn’t want to be exiled from your sect, did you ? They left you no choice. Those are not enough reasons to stop someone from loving you.” 

Mo Xuanyu laughed and ruffled his head. “kid! You talk a lot. Who taught you all these?” 

“My father.” He proudly answers.

“Your father sounds like a nice person.” He gazes at the moonless sky, eyes lost and teary. “But there are people with high morals and duties they can’t desert. Our love is not as powerful as our sense of righteousness. Sometimes we have to sacrifice our love for the goodness of people.” 

Perhaps the news of the late sect leader’s brother hasn’t settled with him yet. Could it be that he had yearned for the man? 

Cang Yuan let the matter go. Let the man have his time, with a moonless night and owl's song as their companion. He'd pray for someone who'd love the man unconditionally. 

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian didn’t want to be brought back to life, not as a sinuous ghoul on top of that.

When he finished off the entire Mo family he only wanted to respect Mo Xuanyu’s last wishes. He didn’t had high ambitions to continue living nor was he as suicidal as before. 

But now it was different.

It was different for all the best reasons.

He didn’t want to live, he didn’t want to fulfil anyone's wish, he didn’t care about anyone’s revenge.

Why should he continue living in a world where the paragon of kindness was long dead. Why should he want to venture in a world where the embodiment of virtue was gone. 

Lan Zhan was gone? 

His heart doesn’t want to believe. But what else would explain the livid expression in Lan Xichen’s ever-smiling face. His brother was no longer alive, how could that man remain happy? 

Lan Zhan was not alive anymore.

How? Wei Wuxian wants to know.

Who killed him, Wei Wuxian wants to find out. 

He knows as a matter of fact, that Lan Zhan did not die out of mere disease or an accident. 

Someone killed him, and Wei Wuxian will kill them, revive their body and kill them again and again as long as the fire of revenge burns in him.

For now, he wants to safely return the kid back to his home. A kid who stood up for him, sprained his ankle for him, despite being strangers. A kid who acts like he knows who Wei Wuxian is and isn’t scared of him. It is a little shocking that the boy he thought to be a commoner has a golden core, not to mention how strong it is for his age, although sealed. Wei Wuxian could unseal his spiritual core while transferring his pain, but who is he to do that. The kid almost did pulled out some alerting talisman. His look of fear and hesitation told Wei Wuxian that maybe he was not allowed to use them. Wei Wuxian knows better than to ask. 

He doesn’t want to come across any cultivators, whether they are affiliated with a sect or not. 

The boy talks a lot but his dictation reminds Wei Wuxian of Lan Zhan. 

A-Yuan, he said his name to be.What a wicked joke. The A-Yuan he wished to see was also dead.Had his A-Yuan lived, he’d be just his age. Must the world stab all his wounds in one night.

The boy is extremely stubborn at times. Like, when he realised that Wei Wuxian had walked all night while he slept on lil' apple's back, he forced Wei Wuxian to sleep for three hours. He had spent his own money, bought  themselves meal on the teahouses they crossed. Wei Wuxian wondered why the boy was doing so. He looked fully capable of taking care of himself. If not for the fear of bandits and ghouls at night, Wei Wuxian would have doubted the boy had some supercilious intentions. 

Him being a cut-sleeve didn’t disgust him. He didn’t get angry when Wei Wuxian implied the boy to have feelings for another boy. Instead, he played along with his jokes. Or perhaps that was not a joke at all, and the boy actually was a cut-sleeve? Not that Wei Wuxian minds, he has no knowledge of cut-sleeve men or teens. As far as he knows, a noble family wouldn’t allow their son to be a cut-sleeve. While the boy’s simple robes didn’t look extravagant rich, the money pouch told him he was not to be considered poor. 

With the boy continuously talking,  Wei Wuxian learns more about him. Most of his topics revolve around his father. 

His father is a teacher in the nursery school in the town. He also teaches guqin. His father taught him to play a qin since he was a child. He takes care of the house when his father is out. They have a barn with cows, chickens and ducks, a garden that can also be called a farm. They have a huge pen for rabbits they keep as pets. They are fat and fluffy. His father gets angry at whoever jokes about eating them. The neighbourhood aunties are getting crazy to have their daughters married to him, he hides away from them leaving his father to deal with the proposals. Then the aunties get crazy to make their daughters married to his father instead and his father hides away along with him. 

His life was quiet and full of fun. How nice it must be to have a doting father.  Wei Wuxian thought, had he had a son as adorable as him, he’d dote on him too. 

You almost had a son, the voices in his head reminded him. You could do nothing to spoil him. 

Wei Wuxian was bat shit poor, even if he had a son he wouldn’t be as amazing as Cang Xiangshen.

Twilight broke down and night fell upon them.  The sky was cloudless and a half moon could be seen. They’ve had walked their way into Jue yu village at somewhere around  eight in the night. The village was small, surrounded by large trees and small cottages with distance so far they could hardly be called neighbours. They reach a cottage considerably bigger than the ones they've previously crossed. A man with a lantern in hand waited at the gates. 

As they came closer the man’s face lit brightly despite the darkness. The glow of his small lantern illuminated his face, and for a blissful moment Wei Wuxian thought Lan Zhan was waiting for him. 

Fool.

Obviously the man was Cang Yuan’s father. Obviously he was waiting for his son. Obviously he’d run to his son throwing away his lantern. 

The lantern burned off as it hit the ground, just the same as Wei Wuxian’s hope for Lan Zhan being alive.

“A-Yuan,” the man exasperated and ah- his voice sounded so much like Lan Zhan. 

Wei Wuxian was not sure whether he was being delirious, or was it the night's faint light, or did the man really look like Lan Zhan. 

Cang Xiansheng,  was a tall man with broad shoulders. His face is no less handsome from his bearing, sharp cheeks, pointy chin, long nose. The only difference between him and Lan Zhan was in their eyes. Where Lan Zhan had eyes of molten gold the man had them of jet black, as dark as midnight. His forehead was as bare as his expression, weary, worn out and full of affection for his son as he hugs the boy on lil’ apple’s back. 

“A-die,” A-Yuan hugged back his father. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my words.” 

“No need.” His father breathed out in relief, shoulders dropping. He pulls back from the hug to take a look at his son and as very affectionately, “Are you hurt?” 

“No. Completely safe. Don’t worry.”  A-Yuan smiled brightly. What a white lie. He was hurt. Wei Wuxian saw him limp, probably for hurting his ankle. 

Even his father doubted, scanning his son from head to toe. He can’t find any immediate injuries just with his eyes and he knows. Slowly, with an owlish blink the man’s eyes catches Wei Wuxian. Their eyes met and to say Wei Wuxian was nervous was an underestimate. The man didn’t regard him with anything, not a verbal greeting or a nod. He only stared at Wei Wuxian impassively, waiting for Wei Wuxian to explain himself. Wei Wuxian would if his mouth didn’t feel so dry under the pressure the man was sending him. 

“This is Mo Xuanyu.” A-Yuan says, carefully jumping off little  apple's back. Wei Wuxian quickly bows to show that he is a civil man with manners and etiquette, not some random buffoon. Cang Xiansheng acknowledged him with a small bow, still not speaking to him.  

“He helped me a lot, this is his donkey.” A-Yuan patted lil apple. For a moment it felt like the boy was trying to make his father look at the good sides of him. 

“May I know where you’ve been, and why?” Cang Xinasheng averted his gaze back to his son. Wei Wuxian was completely ignored. He didn’t know whether to be happy or disappointed. 

“I found ripe loquats for you!” A-Yuan exclaimed instead of answering. He pulled out a bag from his inner robes, showing the loquats that slightly discoloured with time. Picking out the best and plump one he grinned, “They are sweet.” He holds it near his father’s mouth and his father takes a small bite after an amused huff. 

Wei Wuxian knows he’s invading their private moment, he shouldn’t be there, he’s an outsider. Even so he couldn’t make himself say anything nor could he avert his eyes from the father and son. 

“It’s sweet.” Cang Xiansheng says with an unbearably affectionate tone. “Come in.” He didn't want A-Yuan to answer his questions anymore. When Wei Wuxian used to do that, he'd get his ass beaten by Madam Yu, then again it was Madam Yu. 

The father son duo walked past the house gates only to turn back expectantly. 

This is it.  Wei Wuxian reminds himself. This is where he says his goodbyes. But the words were stuck at the back of his throat, unwilling to leave. 

“Yu-gege, don’t tell me you’re planning to leave.” A-Yuan exclaimed, uncaring of the way his father’s eyes widened for regarding him with familiarity.

Out of the blue a woman shouts, “Aiya, is A-Yuan back?” 

Wei Wuxian whips his head towards the voice to find a woman in her forties peeking her head out of the window of a nearby cottage. Soon another woman from a  nearby cot peeks out to exclaim that A-Yuan was back. Not long after, almost half the village came out to rejoice A-Yuan’s return. 

A-Yuan had told him that his neighbourhood was really caring. This was not ‘caring’. A-Yuan was famous. 

“A-Yuan, your father almost stopped eating when you didn’t return yesterday.” One woman lamented.

“If not for my jokes, he’d have started crying.” A man laughed out loud.

“Wangji has been waiting for you at the gates since yesterday.” says an old woman . 

Wangji?

Wangji Wangji Wangji Wangji 

The man, Cang Xiansheng, is named Wangji. 

Cang Wangji? 

Why did his name have to be similar to Lan Zhan. Was his looks not enough. What do the heavens want from Wei Wuxian? 

He was lost in thoughts once again that he didn’t realise when the crowd started wishing their  goodnights. Soon, it was just him and the father-son duo again, and A-Yuan's invitation to their house. 

“I shouldn’t invade.” Wei Wuxian managed to speak. 

“It’s late at night, where do you plan to stay? In the trees?” A-Yuan scoffed in furry. Somehow his face and the sarcasm reminded Wei Wuxian of Wen Qing. And he couldn’t refuse him anymore. 

“Come in.” A-Yuan tugged his sleeves. He glanced at the boy's father for any warnings but found a raised eyebrow as if to ask “how long do you plan to make us wait?” 

Hesitantly, Wei Wuxian steps in the house, smelling so homely, welcoming him with warmth. He focused his senses in taking off his boots, placing them perfectly at a corner so they don’t look like he belongs there. A-Yuan has taken little apple to their stable and the traitorous donkey followed. Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what to do or where to be, so he ends up standing awkwardly at the doorway until A-Yuan comes back. Cang Xiansheng didn’t bother acknowledging his presence, however Wei Wuxian didn't feel like the man was being rude.

Wei Wuxian examined the cottage trying his best not to look like a thief. It is much bigger than it looks from the outside. Perhaps the lack of furniture makes it look more spacious. The doorway leads him straight to what appears to be the common room, where he is faced with sliding screens made with rice paper, presumably taking them to the back yard. At his sides are wooden walls with more sliding doors, which he assumes them to be of bedrooms. The common room was neat and clean, with a low table in the middle. The room mostly consists of desks and shelves piled with papers and scrolls. Within one look anyone could tell that the man of the house was dedicated to his job. There was an Xuanwu shaped incense burner at one desk filling the room with a sweet fragrance unknown to Wei Wuxian. 

At the end corner was a half open door showing a few utensils. He assumes it was the kitchen. He wondered where Cang Xiansheng went so he could tell what the man was doing.

A-Yuan comes in to give Wei Wuxian a disappointed look as to why he hasn’t made himself comfortable yet. He tugged Wei Wuxian to sit on the mats. Before he could though, Cang Xiansheng came in through the backyard screens with a small tub filled with water. Quickly setting the tub on the floor he pulled a small stool. “A-Yuan, come here.” he says, patting the wooden surface. And Wei Wuxian just stood there, awkwardly, watching A-Yuan’s father dipping a cloth in the water, taking A-Yuan’s ankle, carefully wrapping the wet cloth. 

“You could tell he sprained his ankle?” Wei Wuxian mindlessly blurted out. 

A-Yuan gives him a betrayed look as his father sighs and says, “I am his father.” 

One line, no explanation, he was A-Yuan’s father, he’d know when his son was hurt, where he was hurt, when he was hiding his pain.

“A-die, I’m fine.” A-Yuan tries to assure. His father didn't take it well, if the slight frown is anything to go by.

“I expect you to tell me what happened.” He keeps his gaze fixed at A-Yuan’s ankle, massaging lightly.  Regardless, Wei Wuxian could tell the words were directed to him. 

“I tripped on a root.” A-Yuan quickly answers. Judging his flighty answer Wei Wuxian assumed the boy doesn’t want his father to know about the incident with the Dancing Goddess statue or how hard he’s been thrown off. If A-Yuan didn’t have a strong golden core he would have died there, if Wei Wuxian hadn’t used the curse to transfer his pain on him, he wouldn’t be as lively as he was now. 

Before A-Yuan could speak more, Wei Wuxian’s stomach spoke for him. Which was a violent growl. 

Why does this body always betray him in the worst possible ways? Why must this body embarrass him in front of this man? 

Wei Wuxian laughed loudly to hide his embarrassment. He’s never going to recover from this. 

“That’s right! A-die we didn’t have anything since midday.” A-Yuan reminds his father. “And Yu-gege has walked all the way. He must be really hungry.” 

Seriously,  his previous, well....original body could deal with a little hunger. He had stayed unfed for weeks at times. It’s disappointing how Mo Xuanyu’s body can’t. Luckily their pain tolerance seems to be the same. 

“Dinner is ready. Be seated.” Cang Xiansheng tells him, eye to eye. Something like an order, something similar to a threat.

“Forgive this one for being imperious.” Wei Wuxian nervously laughs taking the seat across the family table. 

Cang Xiansheng doesn’t humour him but A-Yuan assures him everything was fine. His father is a quiet, cold man to those he doesn’t know well. Once he has known the person well, he’ll treat him like a family member, thus is the case with the villagers. Which sounds about right, but Wei Wuxian doesn’t get his hopes up. He doesn’t plan to know the man well. He wished he could, but he has his personal murder quest and people to kill. He’s lucky to have a home cooked dinner, and a roof to sleep under. Even if it’s just for this one night. 

Dinner was mostly vegetables with mild spice, quite similar to what he had in cloud recesses. The family ate quietly, no one spoke a word during meals which made Wei Wuxian miss Lan Zhan all the more. If he was caught glancing at Cang Xiansheng one or two times no one mentioned it. 

Wei Wuxian was offered A-Yuan’s room to sleep in, which he opposed strongly. The room was nice, organised yet somehow chaotic. Toys lay at one side, too much for a kid that old. Shelves full of textbooks, scrolls and paper. There is a scroll hanging beside a low study table, a painting of Cang Xiansheng cooking.It was signed with A-Yuan's signature dated from two weeks ago. The boy surely was gifted with artistic sense. Beacuse the man in the painting resembled Lan Zhan in every stroke. And it made Wei Wuxian more uncomfortable to take up that room.

 “Where will you sleep?” he asked the boy. Obviously, Cang Xiansheng won’t let his son sleep in the same room with another unknown man. How could he let him take his son's room?

“I’ll sleep with my father.” The boy simply answered, preparing the mattress for him. 

“I could just sleep in the common room. I don’t even need pillows and mattress.” He tries to stop the boy. “Seriously, why are you being so nice to me?” 

A-Yuan looks at him dubiously and answers, “I want to.” 

What’s up with this kid? Until now he thought the kid to be kind and smart. Now he was fearing for his life thinking the kid has some crafty plans under his sleeves. Why'd anyone be so nice to him. Sure he helped the boy return home safely. He had helped a lot of people in his life. No one was nice to him without their reasons. 

Fuck it.  Wei Wuxian let the matter go. It's not like he fears for his life.

What if A-Yuan was trying to set him up with someone? He thought while trying to sleep. The boy looked really sad when Wei Wuxian said he could live without a lover. 

Judging by A-Yuan’s response back then, and the lack of disgust toward him, he probably was trying to set him a date. Whoever A-Yuan was trying to set him up with is going to be really disappointed. How should he tell A-Yuan that he was not a cut-sleeve, it was Mo Xuanyu and he was not Mo Xuanyu, it’s just Mo Xuanyu’s body. 

Is the body virgin? The question arises itself. Oh lord! Please be.

Wei Wuxian didn’t save his first kiss to end up in a deflowered body. Oh right, he couldn’t save his kiss either. Some bold maiden stole it and Wei Wuxian couldn’t even be mad at her. It was his first kiss, last kiss and most probably the only kiss. He hopes wherever she is, she is happy with a man whom she loves. Her man must be extremely lucky to have her. She kisses so well after all. Never in his life did he ever think a mere kiss would make his knees wobble. He thought it was all fictional, highly standardised for porn. 

Whatever.

Just whatever. 

He covers his head to stop his brain from thinking about kisses or porn. He has more important stuff to think about, such as- Wen Ning!

With everything going on Wei Wuxian almost forgot about Wen Ning. He was supposed to be burned. Who was he kidding? Someone had him locked up. 

As the night quiets down, Wei Wuxian snuck out to a clearing near a fountain. He had ordered Wen Ning to hide, he hoped he could call him back to know what had happened while he was gone. He hoped he could know a little about Lan Zhan. 

He plays the melody he had played back in Dafan mountain, soothing and calming. He can’t remember where exactly he heard the melody or if it was a dream. But it’s a melody his heart knows very well.

Jingling of chains came across his auditory range, so did footsteps. Two from different directions.

Someone was- 

A strong hand gripped his wrist, yanking his hand away. His bamboo flute fell upon the ground as he turned to the owner of such rough hands. His eyes meet a pair of vast darkness, as if the world's darkness had been boiled down to their ultimate density, as if all his resentment were locked in those irises.

“Wei Ying?” the man whispered with a shaky voice. Wei Wuxian noticed the hand that was gripping him was also shaking. The half moon above their head was bright enough to show the man’s anxious face.

“Cang Xiansheng...” Wei Wuxian’s mouth spoke before his thoughts could catch up with him. His ears still rang in white noise and distant screaming. The man had called him by his given name. The man had called him by his given with tender care. The man had called him Wei Ying. 

The man raised his free hand placing a kitchen knife near Wei Wuxian's throat, he has yet to let go of his other hand. As firm as the hold was, the man's hands shook violently while his face grew anxious with each breath. 

“Who are you?” the man asked, an whispered command. 

Moonlit face, sharp features, captivating voice, even if gold could rust, jade tarnished, Wei Wuxian would recognise the voice that called his name.

“Lan Zhan.” He whispered back. A statement. A declaration of acceptance.

Hearing him, the knife under chin shook until it fell near his feet. The hand that was holding the knife lightly touched Wei Wuxian's face, shaking but firm. Knitting his brows together, the man urges, “Wei Ying?” his tone uncertain yet hopeful.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t care if someone he knows has recognised him. He doesn’t give a shit what will happen after being found out. He has found Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan was alive, Lan Zhan was not dead. It was  all his mind could think of.

He jumped on his heels to wrap his arms around the man’s neck. Thoughtlessly, he starts crying on Lan Zhan's shoulder saying, “Lan Zhan, you’re alive! Oh god!” He sobbed in between his swears, clutching to whatever was near his fist. “I thought you died. That kid said you were no more and I fucking thought you died! Damn it! Damn it! I was so mad! Agrh! Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan!” 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan murmured, this time with a certainty of the entire universe. Slowly a hand rested on his lower back making him aware of their closeness. In the trance of emotional outburst Wei Wuxian forgot that Lan Zhan doesn’t like physical contact, absolutely not a hug from him. 

He pushed himself out of the hug, quickly wiping his face with his sleeves. “Sorry, I just-“ he giggled thinking how childishly he acted. How on earth did he not recognise Lan Zhan at first sight? That Lan kid only said “he is no more.” And that they were not allowed to talk about him. That could mean anything, that didn’t mean Lan Zhan was dead. How did he come to such a silly conclusion? 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan murmured again. “You’re here.” Not a question, not a hint of doubt. To Wei Wuxian it felt like an acceptance. 

He was there. How? Why? It didn’t matter anymore.  He was there, in front of Lan Zhan. 

“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian smiled sheepishly, “I’m here. I am.... back.” 

He doesn’t know if it was the illusion of night or Lan Zhan really smiled at him. “Welcome back.” 

Welcome back , as if Wei Wuxian was welcomed anywhere. With all honesty, he did feel welcomed. Lan Zhan welcomed him, it didn’t feel like mockery. He was welcomed in the realm of living.

It felt as warm as lotus pier, when Shijie waited for him at the docks for her brothers to return. When she opened the lid of a huge pot of soup, when the warm steam of soup melted his bones, and the aroma engulfed his fatigue. It felt as warm as returning back home.

But this was not his home, neither should it be Lan Zhan’s. What was Lan Zhan doing in a land far away from Gusu, in a village far away from aristocratic communities. Why did he live in a mediocre cottage, in mediocre attire? Living as a nursery school teacher, a barn full of animals and an adorable little son. He hopes that Lan Zhan had voluntarily left the cultivational world to live a quieter life. Wei Wuxian would do the same if he had the chance.

But that wouldn’t describe why Lan Zhan was noted as ‘no more’, being a forbidden subject to speak of.

Just how much has the world changed since he died.

Just what has happened when he was gone. 

Wei Wuxian eyes Lan Zhan's bare forehead, empty of the ribbon he treasured more than his life. No longer representing his clan. "You.." 

Lan Zhan sighed looking down to his feet. Averting his gaze since the first time they met.  He understood what Wei Wuxian wanted to ask. 

"Ah- never mind me."  I’ll find the answers myself, Wei Wuxian mindfully doesn’t say. 

“There are matters I’m not comfortable speaking about. However,” Lan Zhan raises his head, meeting Wei Wuxian’s eyes again, “I’ll answer what I can.” 

It’s a lot more than Wei Wuxian expected. He thought Lan Zhan would respond with a straight ‘no’ or recite a rule for sticking his nose in other’s business. 

“Before that," Lan Zhan adds, "Would you mind if I ask...” Lan Zhan narrowed his eyes and points his finger to somewhere behind Wei Wuxian’s shoulder, “Who that is?” 

Who?

Dumbfounded, Wei Wuxian turned his head to check what Lan Zhan was pointing at only to be scared by a dark human figure near a tree. 

“Fuck! Wen Ning, you scared me.” He chuckled at himself for getting scared of the man he called. He again forgot about Wen Ning. How long has he been there?

From his periphery he could sense Lan Zhan’s shock at Wen Ning’s appearance. 

“Lan Zhan, I swear it’s not me who brought him back. Well technically I just called him to meet me here.” Lan Zhan’s eye’s narrow again and Wei Wuxian fears he was explaining wrong. “No, Lan Zhan, don’t get me wrong! I had no idea he was alive- well not burned. Wait, I'll show you.” He pulls Wen Ning near them, showing Lan Zhan the chains and locks around his ankles, wrists and neck. “I believe that Jin mother fucker did this to him.” 

Lan Zhan’s shoulder tensed at his swearing. He eyed Wen Ning’s unfocused eyes and said, “Under control?” 

“Was. Not anymore though, but he’s not sentient either.” Wei Wuxian responds while checking for anything that blocks Wen Ning's conscience. No trace of nothing in his body. Lastly he resorted to checking his head, running his fingers through his skull. Quietly he cursedMo Xuanyu’s height. Now he’s shorter than Wen Ning, it used to be the opposite. 

“Found it!” he declared, pulling out four nails from Wen Ning’s skull. “Wen Ning can you hear me?” he waves his hand near Wen Ning’s unfocused eyes, to check if those pupils follow the movements. They do.

“Wei gongzi.” Wen Ning murmured in a hoarse tone. As soon as he could comprehend where he was he lowered his head in a bow. 

“No, stop! I told you not to do this.” He tried to pull the man back straight. As he succeeded , Wen Ning again bowed his head saying, “Lan-er-gongzi”

No fucking way Wen Ning could recognise Lan Zhan just like that!

Lan Zhan nodded as a response, his shoulders still tense. He studied the spiritual nails in his hand, “Wei Ying, these are...” he stopped, brows crinkled. 

“I know. The Jins. Wen Ning, can you tell me what happened?” 

With his hoarse voice and blurry memory Wen Ning tells him about how Jin Guanshan locked him, Jin Guangyao supervising his imprisonment, someone named Xue Yang nailing his head. Them trying to control him, him trying to resist their commands. 

“Jin Guangyao tried to control you?” Lan Zhan furiously inquired. 

It made Wen Ning jolt with fear. Seriously, anyone would be scared of Lan Zhan’s angry face. 

“You did amazing, thank you.” Wei Wuxian pats the man on his shoulder. What else was there, what else was Jin Guangshan hiding. 

“Lan Zhan, any intel on Jin Guangshan since.. I was gone.” 

“He’s dead.” Lan Zhan flatly answers.

“What? How?” the answer bewildering him. Too many news of death in one day, not that he cares about that leech. 

“It’s a common story at every tea house.” Lan Zhan sighed as if he had been hearing the same story until his ears bled. “People say he was in one of his ‘deeds’ and died while doing it.” 

“ That kind of deed?” Wei Wuxian almost shouts. It’s one thing to have Lan Zhan talking to him freely, another to have him talk about people’s sex life. What kind of dream is this?

Lan Zhan nodded, “Over stimulation, perhaps.” He said it so nonchalantly that Wei Wuxian believed Lan Zhan was being petty, for a moment he feared that Lan Zhan would slur and say that the bastard deserved it.

Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but laugh. “Serves him right.” He wheezed. “What an embarrassment!” 

As he was over with laughter his mind trailed over the fact that Lan Zhan had told him something he picked up from teahouses, not any secret information. The question must have been clear in his face for Lan Zhan to stifle once again. He glanced at Wen Ning quietly standing beside them. Understanding his concerned gaze Wei Wuxian asked Wen Ning to give them a little privacy, to hide somewhere no one could see him. As Wen Ning obliged Wei Wuxian waited for Lan Zhan’s answer.

“I have....” Lan Zhan’s tense shoulder drops as he sighs and continues, “I have cut off connection from the cultivational world, I’m afraid my knowledge is no help to Wei Ying.” 

Cut off connection... from the cultivation world.. yeah that Wei Wuxian doubted, by the lack of sword, from the use of kitchen knife for attack. “ But why.” He ends up asking despite knowing he shouldn’t cross his boundaries. 

“I’ll tell you, if the time comes.” Lan Zhan assures with a forced smile. 

Wei Wuxian never saw Lan Zhan smile in his first life. After coming here as Mo Xuanyu he has seen a small upturn of his lips and quiet huffs as laughter, all directed to his son. He never expected a smile directed to him, let alone a forced smile. It doesn’t suit him and Wei Wuxian never wants to see that smile again. 

“It’s.... ah, I don’t think I have that much time on my hand.” Wei Wuxian laughed trying to brush off the uncomfortable feeling.

Out of the blue Lan Zhan clutched his wrist again as if Wei Wuxian would disappear right then. The act shocked Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan looked as shocked as him, slowly letting go of his hand. 

“May I know why so?”  the man asked.

“oh, it’s just..” Wei Wuxian pulls his sleeve to show the cut marks on his forearm. “I was summoned with a soul sacrificing ritual. It was not for free. You see, the owner of this body wanted to get revenge on those who made his life hell. He wanted me to kill them. If I don't fulfil his wish in a month or so, my soul will also vanish.” 

Lan Zhan tilted his head in confusion. He didn’t look angry at the unorthodox ritual, or the mention of revenge and murder. Wei Wuxian cautiously revealed the death of Mo family and waited for Lan Zhan’s face to morph into disgust. But his face remained the same, patient and waiting.

“So, I don’t know who else I have to kill to fulfil his wish.” 

Lan Zhan sighed, “I’ll help you find them.” 

Wei Wuxian was not sure what he was expecting but it was definitely not that. Lan Zhan? Helping him? To find the person he has to kill? 

“Lan Zhan, do you have any idea what you’re saying?” Wei Wuxian couldn’t contain his bewilderment. 

Lan Zhan nodded with undefined certainty. “I want to help, if Wei Ying lets me.” 

“Lan Zhan! I have to kill people, and you’re okay with that?” 

At that, Lan Zhan went silent. Great, he doesn’t know what happened to Lan Zhan, but surely someone  hit him on the head for he wouldn’t agree to kill random people just to save Wei Wuxian, would he? 

“I want to help.” Lan Zhan repeated,  adamant to his words.

“Wha- but why me?” 

Why do you want to help me now out of all the time? 

After a belated pause Lan Zhan replied, “Wei Ying has returned. I want him to stay.” 

Maybe it was the melancholic night or the song of nightingale or the cool breeze or the silver moon or the sweet scent of summer fruits, perhaps everything at once that makes Lan Zhan look so young and vulnerable, that makes Wei Wuxian want to wrap his arms around this man's shoulders and laugh until he can’t laugh anymore, until he’s crying like a lost child. He feels like a fifteen  year old teen meeting Lan Zhan for the first time under the full moon of spring at the rooftop of Cloud recesses. Back then, Lan Zhan has been a great source of mystery to him, a new spell to figure out, a different kind of gravity that pulled him closer to the impassive boy. 

Now? It’s no different. Fifteen year old teen or thirty two year old adult Lan Zhan remains a mystery to him. A spell he wants to figure out. The same gravity pulls him towards the man with wild vehemence. 

“I’d.... love to stay.” Wei Wuxian utters with a fluttering heart. 

“You’re welcome to stay.” Lan Zhan promptly adds, “Here, if you like. A-Yuan likes you a lot.” 

Wei Wuxian snorted. He knows that, the boy was not subtle. “He better should, I didn’t take his injury on me for nothing.” He joked and realised what he joked about and uncharacteristically turned to walk away. He didn’t mean to mention the 'injury' thing, or what his son had seen. He was lured into a sense of safety that he didn’t care to hide his thoughts. But of course, Lan Zhan would catch him by the shoulder with that big hand of his. He almost covered half of his shoulder not letting Wei Wuxian take another step forward.

“Wei Ying?” he captiously asked.

He’s so dead.

“Ahahaha, Lan Zhan, Aiyaaaa look how late it is! You must be really sleepy!” he faked a yawn and added “I’m sleepy too.” 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan reperminded, indicating none of his bullshit was taken. “What injury? What happened?” 

“Seriously Lan Zhan, everything is fine.” Wei Wuxian can’t make himself meet Lan Zhan’s intense eyes.

“Where did you two meet, and what happened?” Lan Zhan was exhausted in a way that reminded him of Lan Qiren and Wei Wuxian hates his mind for that.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan calmly says. It’s the calm before the storm and Wei Wuxian is going to die. “I want to tell you things I haven’t told you.” That Wei Wuxian didn’t not expected. “If you tell me your secret, I’ll tell you mine.” 

In conclusion, tit for tat,  a secret for a secret. 

Wei Wuxian gasped, Wei Wuxian gaped, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t believe Lan Zhan was bargaining. 

“Lan Zhan! You! You’re bargaining with me? Who taught you- hahahahah.” He fell into a fit of laughter until his sides hurt. Lastly accepted the deal with glee, to know more of this new side of Lan Zhan. They comfortably sat on the ground like they’re out on a picnic, enjoying the moon’s reflection flowing in the fountain. 

“Promise you will not get mad at your son.” He conditioned and Lan Zhan nodded. He carefully chose his words, not wanting to expose A-Yuan more than he already has. “I was in the Dafan mountain after I left the Mo manor. Things happened and a local soul consuming dancing Goddess statue came alive. At first it was only the Lan clan children and Jin Ling who were fighting.” Wei Wuxian noted the tightness in Lan Zhan’s jaw as he mentioned the Lan clan. He hopes he’s not rubbing salt in a wound. “Jin Ling is my Shijie’s son but he has his father’s face and attitude.” He adds with a smile. He wished someone had told him about  Jin Ling before, had he known he wouldn’t have said those to his nephew. 

“Anyways, things happened, everything went astray, the forest was on fire, the Goddess statue was eating and attacking whoever she caught. And just then!” he exclaims for the dramatics. “A whole human was thrown at me. And guess who that human was?” 

Lan Zhan’s face went so dark that Wei Wuxian knew he was thinking ‘ it better not be A-Yuan.’

But alas. “It was A-Yuan! Your adorable little son.” 

“A-Yuan was there.” Lan Zhan setheed through his teeth. “Far away in Dafan.” He clenched a fistful of his robes over his bent knees. “Amidst a battle ground full of Lan cultivators.” He was shaking with anger, any moment and Lan Zhan might run up to his son to give him the black and blue. Wei Wuxian readied himself to tackle Lan Zhan, just in case he really does beat his son for breaking rules. 

But Lan Zhan regains his conduct very soon, tilting his head for Wei Wuxian to continue.

“Well, as you guessed, he was badly hurt.” Wei Wuxian felt his voice squeak, too scared to anger Lan Zhan more than he had. “No fear when Wei Wuxian is here, I cursed myself to transfer his pain and any injuries he had, so he is alright now.” He quickly added before Lan Zhan could have a breakdown.  

“You cursed yourself?” he asked in a near gasp. 

“umm... yeah…?” 

“You took his pain.” 

“He was shaking with pain, Lan Zhan, that was the only thing that came to my mind. He was saying stuff like, ‘tell my father I’m sorry’ and ‘Tell him that I love him’ he probably thought he was dying. And I couldn’t just let him suffer like that. Don’t be mad at him please.” 

He spoke too much in a fit of nervousness that he didn’t notice when Lan Zhan’s anger disappeared. “You’re hurt?” he asked. 

Why does it matter if I’m hurt? You should be happy that your son is alright. 

“It’s fine Lan Zhan. I’ve dealt with pain worse than this.” He nonchalantly answers.

“May I check your wound?” his hand hovered near Wei Wuxian’s body, unsure where the wound was. Wei Wuxian unceremoniously bared his chest to show him the faint purple colour spread all over, to assure him it really was nothing. 

As soon as he bared his chest Lan Zhan retracted his hand as if he was about to touch flames. Wei Wuxian almost forgot how shy Lan Zhan is when it comes to bare skin. The memory of him jumping into the cold spring ass naked crossed his mind. How furious was Lan Zhan back then. ‘Promiscuous’ he’d hissed as a teen. Compared to that, adult Lan Zhan has changed and accepted Wei Wuxian’s promiscuous act as a force of fate. He lowered his gaze like a shy maiden that made Wei Wuxian want to tease him more. He wants to go completely naked to see how Lan Zhan reacts. 

“See, I’m almost healed.” He grins, snatching Lan Zhan’s hand to press his palm over his bruised chest. “It doesn’t even hurt.” 

He expected an uproar from Lan Zhan, or a push. To his utter surprise Lan Zhan passed spiritual energy through his meridians. The alien energy felt too stirring for him to lose control.

“Lan Zhan!” he shrieked, swatting away the hand he brought himself. His face felt too hot to be considered normal. “I’m fine. You don’t have to." He forgot he has no secret to hide, that his body has a core. "Mo Xuanyu’s core is doing its work. Slowly but surely.” He blabbered, tying his robes tighter than necessary, as if Lan Zhan would take advantage of his weakness and strip him naked. “Anyways, that’s how I first met your son. If I knew he was your son, I would have hid him somewhere. But I didn’t and just told him to stay there. And then I ended up calling Wen Ning, and there was an uproar at his sudden presence. And then Jiang Cheng came to vicinity.” He doesn’t mention that Wen Ning almost had his son choked. “Then, guess what! Jiang Cheng could tell I was Wei Wuxian. He wanted to catch me and lock me up in Lotus pier!” 

Now that he says the words out loud, he feels stupid. He never thought he’d be ever afraid to go back to Lotus pier, or get himself locked up there. Never in his dream did he think that Jiang Cheng would be at his opposing side and Lan Zhan would be listening to him like a bosom friend. 

“So..” Wei Wuxian cleared his throat, unwilling to cry in front of Lan Zhan. “I acted like Mo Xuanyu, he is uh... a well-known cut-sleeve. That disgusted Jiang Cheng but he still wanted to have me caught. Then guess what?” 

Lan Zhan tilted his head to show his curiosity, it was really cute.

“Your son stood up for me. He went all ‘it’s inconsiderate of the sect leader to hit him’ " Wei Wuxian mimicked "and I swear Jiang Cheng was so furious!” he laughed thinking back to how offended Jiang Cheng was to be confronted by none but a commoner boy. 

“Did he try to attack A-Yuan?” 

“Ah- no no no, Jiang Cheng may be an asshole but he’s not an asshole who’d hit a child.” Wei Wuxian quickly informed. Although that’s an opinion completely from his past experience, he has no idea what the current Jiang Cheng would do. 

‘How did you get yourselves out of Jiang Cheng’s clutch’ was clear on Lan Zhan’s face, so he continued the events where his brother appeared. “I swear Lan Zhan, at first I thought that was you. His face was wrinkled out of surpassed anger, he had no smile on his face. That isn’t anything I’d expect from Zewu-jun.” 

If his assumption was correct, Lan Zhan’s eyes watered at the mention of his brother. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whispered, realising he had poked on a hornet’s nest. “You didn’t cut off connection with your brother as well, did you?” 

Please say no, please say no, please say no, please say no.

“Did.” A hoarse voice replied. 

No no no no no no no no no no no no no Why? How ? Who forced you? What fucking happened? 

He had so many questions he wanted to ask. He wants to know everything Lan Zhan was hiding from him. Then again, who was he to speak? He also had secrets he never wanted anyone to know. He knows how irritating it is when he’s asked to hand over reasons he can’t give. 

Fuck.

Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen had the best relationship. Wei Wuxian never saw two brothers as close as them. Despite his jokes, he oncr wished to have a similar relationship with Jiang Cheng. How in the world did their relationship fall apart? Who made it fall apart? Did his clan just let them break their bond? 

“It was my choice, just as it has been Wei Ying’s” Lan Zhan remarks in a hushed tone.

His words back at him. He broke his bond with Jiang Cheng too. “But Jiang Cheng and I were not brothers by blood. We were just... martial brothers. And…" He hates Lan Zhan for using Wei Wuxian as an example, he hates himself. "I turned to demonic cultivation and ran away with the Wens, ruining his reputation. It was okay for me to just... go away.” He fiddled with his bamboo flute. He never talked about his concern for Jiang Cheng’s reputation or the real reason behind why he left the sect. This was his first time being honest, however, it didn't feel like an earth shattering revilement. The sky is still over their head, moon is bright and stars are watching over them, owls and insects humming, everything remains as their own. Even so, it feels good to be able to talk to someone who’d understand. 

Would it be too much to ask for if he wishes to have this forever. Just him and Lan Zhan and their untold secrets. 

“Anyways!” he says louder than needed. “My brother and your brother started fighting- I mean, verbal fight that is...  then this one Lan kid, I forgot his name, discreetly pulled us away from there. And that’s how I was saved.” 

“And you came here with A-Yuan.” Lan Zhan concluded, as an end of the story. It left both of them with a sober taste. As if they just finished reading a unfinished novel.

Wei Wuxian had an odd wish to prickle the flames. He was never the one to make friends with somberness.

“oh oh did I mention!" He exclaimed "Your son has a crush on the Lan kid?” He gleefully leaned forward to see Lan Zhan’s shocked face. How amazing, he can now tease two Lans. He hopes A-Yuan forgives him for his sin. “A-Yuan was blushing, being all mushy in front of him. Aiyyaa, Lan Zhan, your son has grown up, he will be married soon. Such a handsome young master can pull off anyone he wants. Not to mention that young master Lan was all smitten over your son.” 

“Ridiculous.” Lan Zhan scoffed. There! The old Lan Zhan was back. He was saying ‘ridiculous’ again. Oh how much have I missed you.

"He is a good kid." Wei Wuxian elated. He was far too conscious about the exhaustion behind Lan Zhan's unrestrained composure. Even so, he could not stop himself from putting his hand in the wolf's mouth. "A-Yuan's mother is proud. Wherever she is." 

A-Yuan’s mother, meaning Lan Zhan's wife.  The notion has been hammering at the back of Wei Wuxian's head like a particularly annoying headache. If Lan Zhan has a son that obviously means he has a wife. Or had a wife. Although A-Yuan never mentioned his mother, it doesn't mean he never had one. There is not a single portrait of a woman in Lan Zhan’s house or a name tablet with incense offering. There's a high possibility that madam Lan has passed away while giving birth to her son. Wei Wuxian's joke of calling Lan Zhan a widower, mourning his dead wife might just have become true, because fate is cruel like that with him. It's heavily unlikely that a woman would leave Lan Zhan for someone else  after giving birth to his son. More unimaginable for Lan Zhan to have given birth to an illegal child out of wedlock. 

“A-Yuan is yours.” says Lan Zhan out of nowhere.

“heh?” dumbfounded, Wei Wuxian let out. 

“My son A-Yuan is the child you bore.  With your own body.” 

If it was possible for a human body to turn to stone, Wei Wuxian might actually have been turned into one. His mind spiralled in many directions, none were giving him an accurate explanation. 

Lan Zhan’s son? A-Yuan? He bore Lan Zhan’s son? With his own body? 

He doesn’t remember getting together with Lan Zhan, let alone getting intimate with him. He doesn’t remember getting pregnant or giving birth. 

In the spiral of intangible thoughts his eyes fell on Lan Zhan’s lips. Pink, plush, upturned to a side. A smirk. His eyes crinkled and observing. 

That was Lan Zhan’s smug look! 

“Lan Zhan you’re messing with me!” he whined loudly, embarrassed for even thinking about getting intimate with the man before him as well as getting impregnated by him. If anyone was to crack an egg over his face, it would cook into a perfect poach with the sunny side up. 

To add to his misery, he noticed Lan Zhan’s shoulder shaking. Lan Zhan was laughing at him, Lan Zhan was laughing, an actual soundless laughter. 

“Some jackass ghost has possessed Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian bemoaned. “Oh no, what shall I do now? He has started attacking innocent civilians with his deathly jokes.” 

“Not possessed.” Lan Zhan offered his humble wisdom. “Not my joke. Yours.” 

“What my joke? I never joked about-” he thought for a moment. The joke did sound familiar, but he never joked about having someone’s son.... oh.

“ Oh.”

“Mn.”

“What ‘mn’? You mean to tell me your A-Yuan is my A-Yuan?” 

Lan Zhan looked directly into his eyes and said, “Yes.” 

“But-” but he thought A-Yuan died back when they attacked the burial mounds. He thought he couldn’t save anyone. He thought, he thought...

“Wei Ying, A-Yuan lived." Lan Zhan explains solemnly. "He was hidden during the attack. I found him alive.” Lan Zhan raised his hand to give Wei Wuxian's arm a good squeeze, hard enough to make him believe it’s real. “And now, he found you.” 

“He found me.” Wei Wuxian repeated. Damn his brave act, he ends up weeping like a child. He cries out of sheer happiness knowing someone could live throughout the cruelty of fate. Throughout his sobbing, Lan Zhan’s firm grip was there on his shoulder, keeping him close to reality. All this time, A-Yuan was his. The little boy he found in tattered robes and iron chains, the boy he fed and played with, the little boy that gave him hope during his hardest times, that little boy grew up. He grew up strong and brave. He stood up for Wei Wuxian. 

“You found him?” he asked sniffing, inelegantly wiping his tears and snot with his sleeves.

“Hidden in a hollow heartwood, after... everything.” 

Wei Wuxian noted the pause but didn’t mention it, the siege in burial mounds, him dying and so on. No need to mention those. 

“You.... raised him well.” He smiles, giving Lan Zhan a soft pat on the shoulder. 

“Wei Ying raised him too.” 

“That wasn’t called raising." He laughed. "I was just making sure no one died.” 

“And you succeed in keeping him alive.”

“That was hardly me.” 

“Wei Ying did great.” Lan Zhan huffed out of annoyance.

He laughed again at Lan Zhan's childish behaviour of ‘you have no other option but to accept what I say’ and gave up. “All right gege, whatever you say.” 

After another moment of Wei Wuxian's sniffing and smiling to himself, he mentioned, "He has a golden core. But sealed. " Although it was a statement he had meant it more like a question. A-Yuan seemed like he was unaware of his own golden core. 

"I want him to grow healthy, live a long happy life." Warmly the man stated.

"Although you keep him away from cultivational world." Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but add. "I understand though." 

After all they've seen and gone through, anyone would want to keep their beloved child far from those scums. Yet, he'd want to have his child what any cultivator has. Strength flowing in veins, everlasting warmth, unwary of hunger or disease. He understands why Lan Zhan would make his son form and grow a golden core and seal it with his own hands. Teens are daring after all. If one was promised eternal health, they'd knowingly throw themselves in fire. Like Wei Wuxian had. 

It never ends well. 

Somehow, someway, they fell into a blank peaceful silence. His gaze followed the way Lan Zhan’s hands rested on his knees, the blue shade of his pale white skin under the luminous sky, distinguished veins that throbbed if he squinted hard. 

“A-Yuan is not the reason why you left your home, is he?” he couldn’t contain his curiosity. Wei Wuxian won't forgive himself if that was ever the case. Nevertheless, it'd make more sense. Lans surely are righteous according to their own rules. No one would stand up for a Wen child, no one would tolerate someone who stands up for a Wen child. Could they be as cruel as to throw their own heir for wanting to save his child? 

“No." Lan Zhan firmly answers. "I found him after I left.” 

That would mean Lan Zhan left the cultivational world right after Wei Wuxian died. Did Wei Wuxian somehow had any impact on his leave? Was Wei Wuxian to be blamed for all of it? 

He was too scared to know the rest of the truth. Though he'd not be surprised if that's the case.

“Does A-Yuan remember me? Or his days in the burial mounds?” he asks instead.

“He lost his memory due to trauma.” 

Unsurprising. He preferred it that way.

“Although,” Lan Zhan added, “After he returned with you, he asked me if I knew you. He said you felt familiar to him.”  After an amused huff he adds, “He asked about his grandmother with backache,  or if he was ever buried in the ground as a play." 

Hope raised in his heart, “That’s me! I buried him!” 

That'd sound extremely weird without context but he laughed at the way Lan Zhan’s face soured. If it was Jiang Cheng in his place, he would have said something like being ashamed of his way of thinking. 

“If you spend more time with him, he’ll remember.” Lan Zhan mused later.

That would also mean he’ll remember the nauseating times amongst dead corpses. He doesn’t want A-Yuan to remember the way he cried when he was hungry, the lack of a proper house or warmth on cold nights. He doesn’t want the kid to know he ate boiled radishes for two months straight, he wore the same clothes for two years. He feared A-Yuan would lose the light of joy if he ever remembered what he had been through. He feared the kind soft hearted boy would turn cold shoulder once he knew what the world had done to his family. 

Now, he has a proper house, warm blankets, soft beddings, delicious food, most of all a caring father who would keep him happy. Wei Wuxian wants him to be happy for an eternity. Wei Wuxian could give him none of those. He has no place in the boy's life anymore. 

Nevertheless, it would be beyond wonderful if A-Yuan called if Xian-gege once more.

“A-Yuan knows I’m not his biological father.” Lan Zhan murmured as though he didn’t want to say those words. Wei Wuxian hid his shock. He'd have wanted Lan Zhan to keep it a secret. 

“When he turned fifteen, I answered some of his questions. His most asked question was why he does not have a mother.” Anyone would ask the same. It also crossed Wei Wuxian's mind. He had thought that Lan Zhan had married and lost his wife. Such is how he bared himself. Wei Wuxian understood why Lan Zhan didn't keep things a secret or rather he couldn't keep it a secret as lying was forbidden, and Lan Zhan wouldn't lie to his son.

Lan Zhan took a deep breath and continued. “When I told him I was not his biological father, he was not my biological son, he stopped talking to me for a week.” 

“He was angry?” 

Lan Zhan shook his head. “Sad, depressed.”  

“It was a big revelation after all.” 

"I told him a close friend of mine took care of him before I found him." Wei Wuxian felt thrilled that Lan Zhan had related him as a close friend. 

“While I understood he needed time to process, I couldn’t make myself accept his sadness. I was afraid afterwards to let him know anything.I couldn’t give him any information about his parents. With everyone badmouthing the Wen clan, I fear he might hate himself, or me."  

Even the great Hanguan-jun was afraid of being abandoned, by his son nevertheless. Wei Wuxian was greatful that Lan Zhan didn't reveal all the secrets. 

"Biological or not," Wei Wuxian murmured, "You are a great father, and he'll always be your son." 

"Yours as well." Lan Zhan promptly added.

Why must Lan Zhan hurt him this way? He laughed as though it didn't hurt. "I can't be his father, he already has you.I never had anything to give him as a father. Moreover, he used to call me gege not diedie. It was you who he called A-die even as a baby." He grinned as he remembered the flustered face Lan Zhan had when A-Yuan was crying and everyone around called him a bad father.

"He is fond of you." Lan Zhan reminds him. Wei Wuxian barely did anything for the boy to be so fond of him. Give him a week and he'll forget about Wei Wuxian.

“Oh that reminds me.." He wants to change this depressing topic, "How did you know it was me? I mean, I have a different face, body and all. Was it Wen Ning?” 

Lan Zhan stared at his own fist. “You do not remember?” he dictated each word with care that made Wei Wuxian alert to the possibility that he should have remembered something. 

“I... my brain isn’t that great. I died and came back, that wiped off some memories.” He laughed knowing very well that he shouldn’t laugh. “Please tell me what I should remember, I will ravish my memory to remember it for you.” 

Lan Zhan didn’t take the joke lightly. His voice grew stern as he said, “the song.”

“Song?”

“The melody you played.”

“to call Wen Ning?”

“It was composed by me.” He shot Wei Wuxian an angry look. The gaze made his back shiver. 

A song composed by Lan Zhan, obviously he’d get angry if Wei Wuxian used it for demonic cultivation reasons. 

“I’m sorry I’ll not play it anymore.” He apologised with a deep quick bow. 

“No- that’s” Lan Zhan heaved out as one does after a long run. “You, do you not remember?” 

“The melody? Did I make any mistakes? Forgive me please, my memory is bad.” 

All of a sudden Lan Zhan stood up, pacing away real quick. 

Did he disrespected Lan Zhan? 

“Lan Zhan wait, I’m sorry.” He ran after the man, catching his arm. “I apologised. I didn’t mean to disrespect you.” 

They were getting along so well. So well, yet Wei Wuxian ruined everything. Why did he go ahead and ask that stupid question? Why does it even matter how Lan Zhan recognised him? 

Abruptly stopping on his feet, Lan Zhan turned to him. He looked livid for a man with microexpressions, anger was expected, as to why he was sad was unknown to Wei Wuxian. After a few meditative breaths, Lan Zhan’s face returned to normal, poker faced.

“Forgive me for my poor behaviour.” He bowed his head. “You must be tired. Let’s sleep.” 

He was avoiding the whole matter with his song. Not wanting to ruin more of whatever they had, Wei Wuxian also agreed. They quietly walked back to Lan Zhan’s house, with heavy tension looming over their heads. 

Was the melody really important? When had he heard the music? Wei Wuxian must remember the events without bothering Lan Zhan furthermore. He wants to give a heartfelt apology for forgetting even if that means to kowtow one hundred times. 

Lan Zhan slid open A-Yuan’s bedroom door for him, always the gentleman. As Wei Wuxian was about to wish him good night, Lan Zhan murmured, “How did you feel when you thought I was dead?” 

After a long silence from the man, the question caught him off guard. Why did Lan Zhan suddenly ask a question so hard to answer. He didn’t think he’d ever share what pain he felt knowing someone he admired dearly had passed away. 

“I was... sad." Sad was an understatement. What he felt was more than just sad. "Extremely sad. Angry at the world, if that makes sense.” He chuckled, “I was so sure someone murdered you. I was planning for revenge. I was just... I lost my mind.” 

“You were sad.” Lan Zhan repeated.

“Yeah.” He felt embarrassment creep up to his face as he added, “I started missing you, all the things you used to do, what you used to say. Even those stupid rules and boring funeral clothes.”  

“I’ve felt that for thirteen years.” Lan Zhan promptly replied, “Sleep well.” He slid off the door before Wei Wuxian could process what he said. 

‘I’ve felt that for thirteen years.’  

Felt what? What did Wei Wuxian feel? The despair of knowing you’ve lost someone forever? 

For whom? For him? No way! 

Why would Lan Zhan mourn him? Why would Lan Zhan miss him? 

At best Lan Zhan regarded him as an acquaintance. Thirteen years is a long time to get over the distress of losing someone like Wei Wuxian. 

Didn’t Wei Wuxian and him clash swords on his last day? Didn’t Lan Zhan fight him? Didn’t he hate him? 

Sleep well.

How’s he supposed to sleep well after that? His mind whirled over the same line over and over again. 

Chapter Text

When Lan Wangji waited at the gates he didn’t expect his son to bring along an unknown man. He hadn’t paid the man attention more than a stranger could need. The man didn’t look like a burglar or a thief. He didn’t look like a cultivator either. Lan Wangji expected the man to be another stranger of this expanded world. Little did he know the stranger would be playing the music he gave only to Wei Ying. Little did he know the stranger playing his song would be Wei Ying himself. 

He was surprised at himself for identifying Wei Ying’s real identity. Never in his wildest imagination did he ever hoped Wei Ying would come back. Although doubt throbbed in his head, Wei Ying proved himself by jumping over him. He clutched onto Lan Wangji repeatedly calling him by his birth name. 

How tenderly had Wei Ying called his name, how relieved he looked knowing Lan Wangji was alive. Lan Wangji had hoped his feelings had been heard, reciprocated. He foolishly bared his heart open. 

Foolish.

That was wishful thinking. 

Wei Ying didn’t even remember the song he sung to him, let alone the name. Doubtlessly, he doesn’t remember his confession in the demon subduing cave of burial mounds either.

"Piss off! Fuck off! Go away! Leave me alone!" Wei Ying had shouted. 

Whether his feelings are reciprocated or not, he feels immensely blessed for having Wei Ying back alive. And he will make sure it stays that way. If he has to break his promise then be it. 

It didn't matter to Lan Wangji how many times Wei Ying pushed him away. He had begged on his knees to stay beside Wei Ying. Stay until his lifeless eyes twinkle like stars. Stay until he was full of vigor, stay until Lan Wangji felt spiritual energy thrum through his veins. 

He had wanted to stay forever. 

If it was not for his brother… 

Everytime Lan Wangji recalls the betrayed look on his brother's face, a piece of his body burns. His brother knew how much Lan Wangji cared for Wei Ying. Yet, once his affection became a threat to his brother's reputation, his brother also turned against him. 

That time, Lan Wangji had held his sword against thirty-three elders. He had fought for Wei Ying with his clan. But Lan Wangji was a human, a human with a heart. He couldn't hold his sword against the man who brought him up, couldn't oppose when his blood and flesh held his sword against Lan Wangji.  He couldn’t fight against his own brother. 

He was weak. 

His brother was not.

He felt his brother carry him unconscious, away from the man he loves. He felt his elders tie his limbs with disdain in their eyes. He felt his uncle hit him with a whip reciting all the rules Lan Wangji broke. 

He didn’t feel his flesh being ripped apart. He didn’t feel blood crippling down his back. He didn’t feel like a human at all. 

"Lan Wangji, if you side with Wei Ying ever again our clan will not forgive you."  His uncle had yelled.

"And this is forgiveness?" Lan Wangji had murmured. His body was numbed, his vision had blurred by the thirtieth slash. He could barely breathe. He had felt needles in his lungs in every inhale. 

"Side with that devil again and you're exiled." His uncle whipped. Thirty one, Lan Wangji kept his count.

"Given the chance, I'd help him once again." 

"Wangji" He heard his uncle shout. Then, thirty two, thirty three, thirty four, thirty five. Scummed to rage, his uncle had given him two extra whips. He felt himself fall apart once again. 

It was told to him that he woke three days after the siege. He found his brother beside him when he woke up. His ever caring brother was tending his back. 

"Wei Ying, I have to go back to Wei Ying." He had begged his brother.  He had held onto his brother for support. His brother, the person who had supported him from his birth, didn't support him when he needed him the most. His brother pinned his limp body back to the mattress. 

"Wangji, Young master Wei has passed away." His brother revealed without an ounce of hesitation.

The words echoed in his ears. Wei Ying has passed away. They killed Wei Ying.. He has lost his Wei Ying. He couldn’t save his Wei Ying 

Wei Ying was not so weak to lose his life to just anyone.  

"I have to go to Wei Ying." 

He thrashed his limbs to be on his feet. He had pushed away his brother in a fit of panic. 

"Wangji, if you go I won't be able to save you." 

"You didn’t save me." Lan Wangji professed through pain. 

"Wangji, open your eyes. This is all I could do." 

Lan Wangji was never the one to curse someone with misery. He had never wished grief upon anyone. But that night, he had done the unspeakable. 

"One day you'll lose the person you love. Then perhaps you'll understand how I feel." 

With that being said, Lan Wangji threw away his clan ribbon and maneuvered his sword. In the darkness of night Lan Wangji left gusu for Yilling. His bandage was long undone, blood soaked whatever robe he had donned. 

He had screamed Wei Ying’s name up on landing on the burial mounds. He had screamed till his throat split. He had clawed the barren ground to find- something- anything that belonged to Wei Ying.  

He almost gave up his will to live. 

Then, like sunlight after a thunderstorm, he heard A-Yuan. He had found the little boy, crying, shivering with fever, but most importantly, alive. 

He had scooped up his bundle of hope gently in his arms. He feared for the little one's life. It was either going back to Gusu and begging for A-Yuan's life or running away with him living incognito. 

Lan Wangji chose the latter. With whatever spiritual energy was left in him, he flew for as far as possible. 

His body failed to carry him further off. Regardless, his luck had carried him this far.

When Lan Wangji fell unconscious for the third time with A-Yuan in his arms, he was found by none other than the person he had least hoped for. 

Luo Qingyang left the cultivation world infront of his eyes. He had wished her farewell and good luck as an ally. Little did he know, the petite Little woman would become a rogue cultivator. 

Back then, he had begged her, "Don't worry about me. Save him." Lan Wangji could barely keep his head up. His limbs felt as heavy as rocks. Yet, the small woman had carried him on her back, with A-Yuan bundled up on her chest. 

She had taken him to a small abandoned cottage in the middle of a forest, and took care of both Lan Wangji and A-Yuan. Lan Wangji told her that he had also left, and she understood with a friendly smile. She didn't ask why, she didn't want to know what could trigger the second jade to leave his own clan. She just put him on a mat and told him to rest. 

 She ran from town to forest, forest to town to find medicines and herbs. After a week when A-Yuan was no longer fighting with death, they had left the cottage for a safer place to reside in. 

If it was not for Luo Qingyang, they wouldn't be living in Jue yu village in the comfort of the place they call home. If not for Luo Qingyang, he wouldn’t be able to make up lies to the villagers about his birth and relations. If not for her, Lan Wangji would have failed at parenting. 

His trail of thoughts was broken by a snap of a twig behind him. As he turned he found Wei Ying’s shocked eyes examining him with horror. Lan Wangji had his bare body submerged waist down, he forgot about the scars on his back. It was too late to hide away now that Wei Ying was looking at him with inquiring eyes. 

He had his clothes folded on a rock near the stream, hopefully Wei Ying would stop staring at him like he had grown two heads.

He has grown fond of the fountain, the fountain where he meditates his distresses away, the same fountain where he found Wei Ying. The water is not as cool as the cold spring as it is the peak of summer, but cool enough to wash away the burning in his heart. “Did you sleep well?” he asks quickly donning his inner robe. It was nine in the morning, Wei Ying wouldn’t sleep in till so late if he hadn’t slept well. 

“Umm.. yeah.” Wei Ying averted his gaze. Before he could open his mouth to ask him about his scars, Lan Wangji started for home saying, “Had breakfast? It was on the living room’s table.” He had left a note as well to let Wei Ying know it was kept for him. 

“I did. Uhh... about..” 

Please don’t ask me about my scars. Not now.  He begged inwardly. He will cave in if Wei Ying asked. He would break down, bare himself open shamelessly. 

“Would you want to take a bath here? Or back in our house.”  Lan Wangji asks again.

Our house. It fits so perfectly in his mouth. His and Wei Ying’s house, they live together in a small cottage with their son. There they pass their days peacefully and live together happily ever after like the fairy tales. 

Lan Wangji should stop daydreaming.  

“I’ll bathe back in your place.” Wei Ying’s shoulders slump with resignation. He doesn’t say 'our' place either. A forceful shake to bring Lan Wangji back to reality. 

As they walk back together, Wei Wuxian continues to fill up the silence that always follows Lan Wangji, “No one was there when  I woke up, so I wandered around. Where’s A-Yuan? Have you told him anything yet.” 

“A-Yuan is out in town for errands. I haven’t told him anything yet.” 

“Will it be okay?” Wei Ying asked in concern.

Will it? It’s a question he asked himself several times since the previous night. How will A-Yuan take the revelation? Lan Wangji never planned to keep him in the dark forever. He wants to tell his son his real name, his real family. About the Wen clan, about the Lan clan. He wants to tell his son about himself, his real name, his past life. How Lan Wangji knows this man named Mo Xuanyu, about Mo Xuanyu’s real identity, about Yilling patriarch and who he is to him. 

He is also too afraid to be honest after lying to the boy all his life. What if he stops talking to Lan Wangji again, what if he hates Lan Wangji for being a shameless liar.  He had taught his son to always be truthful. How ironic it'd be for him to find out the person who taught him to be honest was never honest with him. No matter how much Lan Wangji tries to be honest with himself, he has always subconsciously deserted his true feelings. It is something he grew up doing half his life, something that is engraved in him like the rules in the stone wall of Cloud recesses. 

It is too early. His mind echos. Too early for A-Yuan to handle the truth. But when will it be the correct time? his mind never offers. 

He had no words of affirmation for Wei Ying. Before he could come up with one they reached the front yard of his house. He guides Wei Ying to the back yards to the small shower house he has. It’s not as big as the bathhouses rich young masters use. He doesn't have proper space inside his house for a bathing space. As he was about to ask Wei Ying whether the space was okay, one of his geese ran up to them with raised wings, loudly quacking. On the other hand Wei Ying hid himself behind Lan Wangji as if he’s afraid of the geese. Is he afraid of geese?  They are violent aves. But none of his geese attempted to ever attack anyone when Lan Wangji was near. Without needing to ask, Wei Ying gives the answer.

“This one hates me, she even chased me earlier.” 

Why do you hate Wei Ying? Lan Wangji wanted to ask the still quacking geese. He talks to all of the animals under his care, a habit he caught on and enjoys. He decides against his will, it doesn't matter how much he likes to have one-sided conversations with animals. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Wei Ying. Giving his geese a stern look, he commands her to go away. Although she was displeased at Lan Wangji’s disruption, she walked away with a typical fury. If she could talk, she might have complained why Lan Wangji was taking someone else’s side instead of her.

“Did you provoke her?” he asks, patting the hand that clutches around his robes. 

“Me? Provoke? No!" Exclaimed Wei Ying, "All I wanted to do was to pet her.... What? You see a big white ball of fluff and not be plunged by the instinct to pet it?” 

He does actually. However, there must be limitations to his petting tendencies. Such as, “Goose don’t like to be pet, especially not by strangers.” 

If Wei Ying wanted to pet white balls of fluff, he has a lot of them to offer. Wei Ying was still clutched to Lan Wangji when he guided them to the rabbit hutch. He built the hutch right in front of his house's backdoor gate, for when he wished, he could enjoy watching them play from his living room or porch. There he accidentally grew a peach  tree that now shades the hutch from scorching heat. In each summer, the tree gives him juicy peaches, filling the backyard with sweet aroma. His son and the rabbits enjoy eating them. He should serve them as snacks before lunch, hoping Wei Ying likes the taste.

The rabbits were freed for the day, a protective barrier always active to save them from ravens and hawks. Wei Ying squealed loudly in a childish manner when he noticed them. Recklessly he jumps over the fence, scaring all the rabbits. 

“A-Yuan didn’t say you had this many.” Exclaiming he succeeded to catch a rabbit of black fur by the ears, just like he had back when they were teens. The poor creature struggled to get away from him, Lan Wangji couldn’t stop himself from taking the rabbit from Wei Ying’s grasp. He can’t let his pets be distressed or, worse, have them hate Wei Ying. “Gently.” He advised petting the rabbit’s ears. 

“Ahh, animals never liked me.”

‘Never’ would be stretching. Lan Wangji wants his pets to like the man he loves. He will have to teach both sides if he wants to come to an equilibrium. He lets the black one go play with his friends and finds the most quiet and docile one. This one is exactly what Wei Ying calls to be a ‘white-ball-of-fluff’. Handing it over to Wei Ying, he says, “Be still and quiet, they’ll like you.” 

“You know I can’t do that.” Despite the disagreement, he flops down, staying very quiet and as still as he can be with his excitement. "Look at you, so fat and plump." Wei Ying coos to the little creature. "You'd make for a great dinner." 

"No." Lan Wangji blurted out instantly. Of course, Wei Ying was testing him. Of course, he was laughing at Lan Wangji’s reaction. Over the years, he has practised to lose his self-restraints. Now he was second-guessing his decision as he was an easy target for Wei Ying to tease the life out of him. 

If it makes him laugh, Lan Wangji thought affectionately, If it makes Wei Ying laugh, then be it. He'll forever be Wei Ying’s target of teasing. 

Wei Ying pets the white fur quite gently while giving it grass. Although most of the rabbits are cautious of him, the daring ones come to checkout, sniffing on his robes. 

While on the subject, Wei Ying would also need another set of clothes. The one he was wearing looked grubby despite being black. This one needs a dry cleaning and Lan Wangji  will not accept a no. While he keeps Wei Ying occupied with the bunnies, he fills up the tub, getting his preferred robes for Wei Ying to wear. 

His physique, the body Wei Ying was offered, is too thin and malnourished. The body looked too delicate and fragile for the owner of the soul. How shall the Yilling patriarch fight with a thin wrist, not that Lan Wangji has seen the Yilling patriarch with fat muscles either. Each time Lan Wangji met him, he was thinner than the last time. In his final act he was nothing more than bones covered in human skin. Lan Wangji had carried a bloody skeletal human on his arms, held those gaunt wrists while begging him to return, chanting promises he couldn’t keep, bearing his deepest secret at the last moment. It was no surprise Wei Ying would reject him. Regardless of how many times Wei Ying told him to go away, Lan Wangji kept begging to stay by him. 

In the end he couldn’t.

Were it not for those people, if he was not overpowered by the man he called his brother, he wouldn’t have left Wei Ying’s side till his death.

No..

He mustn’t think about them, he mustn’t think about them. He will not let his heart grow weak for the family who couldn’t defend him. 

With things as they are, he is overjoyed to have Wei Ying again. The man whose death was celebrated by all was playing in his place, with his rabbits. 

Whichever body he was in, he had the same sun bright smile, same luminous metallic eyes with the most bewitching persona. 

Oh lord, Lan Wangji begged, give this lowly one strength.

How badly he wanted to hug Wei Ying, how badly he wanted to kiss him, how badly he wanted to cry on his shoulder. How he was refraining himself from losing control was known only to him and the gods.

“Here.” He handed over his towel, and robes to Wei Ying. To answer the unasked question he says, “Clothes to change into.” 

“Aiya, Lan Zhan, I don’t need‐”

“Wei Ying has been wearing them since the day before tomorrow.”

“Do I smell that bad?” he inelegantly sniffs his armpits.

“Don’t smell. Your robes need to be washed.” 

“But Lan Zhan–“

“No buts.” 

He isn’t sure what made Wei Ying laugh. He could never tell. For now, he was only relieved to hear his stress free laughter. 

“You sound like a wearying father now,” says Wei Ying with a soft grin.

“I am.” Lan Wangji agrees proudly.

That made Wei Ying laugh more. He didn’t intend to be funny. If his bluntness could make Wei Ying  laugh , who is he to complain? 

As Wei Ying was about to step into the shower house, he noticed the flock of chickens minding their own business. 

"Are these yours?" He asks with amusement of a five year old kid.

"Mn,"

"All of these?" 

"Mn." 

"Look at that red one," he points out "Big and fat. I'd steal you and roast you if you were in Yunmeng twenty years ago." He threatens the chicken as if it understood human language. 

With all the second hand necessities done, Lan Wangji  prepares for lunch. Wei Ying was back, that itself called for a celebration. While the butchered chicken,  the one Wei Ying pointed out, rests in the lukewarm water he prepares the rice and vegetables. He had prepared clay in the morning. He can’t start marinating the chicken until A-Yuan comes back with the sauces and lotus leaf. What distracted the boy again, he fondly wondered. 

When he heard light footsteps behind the doors, he assumed them to be his son’s. He wasn’t prepared to be caught off guard with Wei Ying walking in, wearing his off white robes. 

“Lan Zhan,  where do I hang these?” Wei Wuxian asked, holding his wrung out robes. His sleeves were of perfect length though the shoulders seem to hang loose. He had tied his robes in a loose manner that showed a span of his neckline to the notch of his sternum. After a thorough wash his skin glowed pale pink like lotus petals, his loose hair framed his facial structure and his so called boring white robes did nothing but enhance his beauty. 

He always believed Wei Ying would look lovely in white. He was right.

“I was thinking about drying them with a heating talisman.” Wei Ying adds as Lan Wangji took too long to answer.

“No need.” No need to waste spiritual energy on trivial matters. He took the clothes from Wei Ying to dry them himself. It was the least he could do. He wanted to wash them himself, Lan Wangji was planning to wash them for him. 

When he returned back to the kitchen he found Wei Ying plucking the chicken off its feathers. “I didn’t think you were going to cook it. No more ‘No-meat’ rules?” 

“We’re not in cloud recesses.” 

Wei Ying laughed at his reminder. It brings back memories of when he tricked Lan Wangji out of the cloud recesses to drink liquor. He had laughed like this back then as well. At times Lan Wangji thought those laughs were to mock him, but now he understood that Wei Ying simply loved to laugh when he was happy. He wants to keep things this way. Wei Ying in his house, inside his kitchen, helping him with chores.

But not now. He can’t make the man work on his own celebratory lunch.

"Wei Ying can rest. I’ll take care of it.” 

“Aiya, Lan Zhan. If I rest a little more I’ll die out of boredom.

“No dying.”

“Hahahaha, Alright No dying. But let me help you out here. Trust me, I am good at this. I’ve plucked a lot of pheasants during my youth. It’s the least I can do after violating your house.” 

“Not violating.” He quickly claimed. What made him think he was violating his house. “Wei Ying is a guest.” 

As a reply he got an awkward nod and a weak okay from Wei Ying. He quietly plucked the feathers gracelessly but skilfully. Lan Wangji went back to stirring the spinach. It felt inexplicably domestic. 

Just yesterday he was worrying about his son and the very next day he was cooking alongside the man he longed for half his life. 

“Phew!” Wei Ying cheered, showing him the cleaned chicken. “Perfectly gutted.” 

True to his words, the chicken was prepared just as Lan Wangji preferred. “Wei Ying did well.” 

The smile Wei Ying gave was so dazzling that Lan Wangji had to look away. He begged the havens to give him strength once again.

“So, what will you make?” 

“Beggar's chicken.” 

“Really?! That’s my favorite! Back in Lotus pier, we used to compete to find the perfect green lotus leaf. You can say I was a constant winner.  Because I’d-“ Wei Ying continued talking but Lan Wangji couldn’t focus on his words any longer. His eyes caught a small father stuck on Wei Ying’s forehead,  not moving a bit. He doesn’t know how to stop himself from expanding his hand to remove the feather. He gives in to his restriction to get the annoying father out of his viewpoint. Little did he realize Wei Ying had stopped talking and was staring at him with big surprised eyes. Lan Wangji’s body froze, his hand hovered near Wei Ying’s forehead, shy of touching his skin. He could have informed Wei Ying of the feather, he didn't have to do it himself. Now they have both entered some kind of shocked-surprised staring competition with only the kitchen counter separating them. 

“A feather–“ he tried to start holding the feather in front of Wei Ying, who watched it with crossed eyes.

“A-die, Has Mo Xuanyu lef...” A-Yuan  was never so bad at his timing. Only thanks to his years of practice, Lan Wangji stopped himself from jolting away at his sudden presence. Unlike Wei Ying, who in fact did jolted away like a child getting caught for stealing sweets. 

Ignoring the light in his son's eyes he asked, “What took you so long?”

“I was... uuh...  the tea house had a new story teller, he was telling a new tale so I was…. distracted.” A-Yuan looked sorry but not sorry enough to promise it won't happen again. Lan Wangji could never bring himself to mind. He took the bags and basket from A-Yuan’s back. He could see two full bloomed fragrant lotus, four lotus pod stems and two big lotus leaves and just enough lotus roots. He checked the ingredients for if he forgot something. He usually doesn’t, but whenever he gets distracted by some storytelling tales, he loses track of time and necessities. “We have a guest today, it was not right of you to get distracted.” he reperminded out of principle.

“Aiyaaaa, don’t get angry now.” Wei Ying chided from the other side of the counter. His glassy eyes were not unnoticed by A-Yuan, but his son knows better than to ask. "He's all grown up now. He can get distracted by storytelling houses all he wants." 

A-Yuan gives him a subtle, suspicious look, mostly to ask why the man was looking at him so fondly. Lan Wangji smiles and goes back to marinating the chicken. 

"He is someone you know." He says, not moving his gaze from the chicken he was preparing. After all the worries, he felt nervous, and his hands were starting to shake. A-Yuan, as he is, will catch on his shakiness if he doesn't make his hands busy with something. Sometimes, Lan Wangji is scared how good his son is at observing. 

Wei Ying taps his nose, Lan Wangji assumes it as his embarrassed gesture. His son, though, doesn't shift from his place. He simply says, "Oh,"

"You asked if you were buried in the ground as play?" His son hummed in affirmation, leaning to the door.  "He is the close friend I told you about." 

"Oh." His son says again. And once again Lan Wangji was a helpless man who couldn’t understand why his son was avoiding him, why the little boy that speaks his heart out was utterly silent. Once again he felt like the young boy whose lover died, he was a little boy who's never given an answer to what happened to his mother. Once again he felt himself locked up in a dark cold cave of ice.

Lan Wangji feared that A-Yuan might not like Wei Ying. At the back of his mind, a traitorous voice told him his son had no interest in knowing someone who couldn’t take care of him. He could tell him the truth, he could tell him the cultivational world shunned them out and only the Yilling patriarch was kind enough to keep them safe,he might not hate Wei Ying. That'd also mean telling him that he is from the Wen clan, the clan that everyone hates. He is the blood that everyone wants under their feet. 

He can't bring himself to speak. He can't act brave at the very moment he's been preparing for years. 

"Mo Xuanyu saved your family from war famine. They were war refugees after the sunshot campaign." He said and hoped his voice was not as shaky as his hands. It also amused him how easy it was for him to lie. He apologetically glanced at Wei Ying. 

I can't do this. Lan Wangji wanted to cry to him. I'm too scared. 

His glance conveyed Wei Ying. Being the smart one Wei Ying took the reign of lies. "I met your family by accident while trying to find a place for myself too. You were with your granny, do you remember her?" 

"Mn.Popo, I called her." A-Yuan said, sounding a bit more relaxed than before. 

"Yeah!" Wei Ying exclaimed. "You were always with her. Popo this, popo that." 

"Uncle four." A-Yuan added fondly and Lan Wangji felt his heart calm down.

"Yeah, uncle four. He taught you to read and write. You had a lot of uncles and aunts." 

"Then," A-Yuan hesitates. Lan Wangji could tell why he was hesitating, what he was going to ask. He wished he could turn around and embrace his son with a hug. He was far too weak to do so.  "What about my birth parents?" A-Yuan says just as Lan Wangji expected. He was done marinating the chicken. He shifted to cutting onions, at least that way, if Lan Wangji ends up crying he could blame it on the onions. 

Wei Ying took a long pause before he could answer. He fidgeted with a spoon he found. He was just as nervous as Lan Wangji was. Lan Wangji drowned in guilt. He was dumping all his problems to Wei Ying, letting Wei Ying clear up a mess he created. Lan Wangji knows he was wrong. He should say something. He would say something if his throat didn't feel so choked with bile. 

"It was a war, A-Yuan." Wei Ying murmured.

"They didn't join the war, did they?" A-Yuan promptly asked, far louder than his usual voice. Lan Wangji could catch a hint of anger but he couldn’t decipher why exactly he'd be angry if his birth parents did join the war. 

Unless he knows about his origins. Lan Wangji wondered. That was most likely not possible. 

"No A-Yuan, they were.. they were mere civilians caught up in the war. It's" Wei Ying pinched the bridge of his nose as he groaned. "You don't think they abandoned you, do you?" 

A-Yuan stays far too quiet for Lan Wangji to shake away all his fears. He jerks backward to meet A-Yuan’s tired eyes fixed at the ground. "A-Yuan," he whispered. That was all Lan Wangji was capable of. He couldn't move his tongue let alone tell his son how wrong he was. 

"No," A-Yuan uttered with confidence. He glanced up and forced a smile as he noticed Lan Wangji staring back at him. "Aiyaa, A-die are you crying?" He runs up to him, cupping his face like he was the child and A-Yuan was the responsible adult. 

"No, it's the onions." Lan Wangji half lies. "You don't-"

"Enough of this conversation already." A-Yuan scolds, wiping Lan Wangji's cheek with his sleeves. "Let me chop the onions okay? You deal with the soup." 

He followed the steps Lan Wangji took. He will cry and blame it on the onions just as Lan Wangji did.

At times like this Lan Wangji felt lost. Deep in his heart he knows A-Yuan was skipping around his problems.  Lan Wangji wants to ask him about his problems and know what's bothering him. Yet, the times he tried to do so, A-Yuan would act as if everything was fine, he was just tired, he needed to bathe, get irritated if asked more than thrice.He knew his son acted tough to keep him away from any worries. It was Lan Wangji’s fault to begin with. He couldn’t act brave in front of his son. His son, despite being so young, could read Lan Wangji like an open book. Had Lan Wangji been braver, A-Yuan wouldn't have to burden himself with Lan Wangji’s unstable emotions. 

"Why are two so bummed out!" A-Yuan cheers loudly. "What has happened, happened. What good will come from dwelling on the past, right?" He pointed the knife at Wei Ying, and Wei Ying smiled through his sadness. 

"Right. No good. Past is past." 

"I'm glad you came back." A-Yuan says as he chops the onions. " I thought you were dead too." 

Wei Ying laughs as though it was certainly not the case. 

"And I thought you two were dead as well." He snickered for reasons unknown to Lan Wangji. "I feel like a fool not recognizing your father. I'm glad that Lan- I mean, Ji-xiong could recognise me." 

Wei Wuxian almost called him Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji thought he noticed A-Yuan flinched at the mention. 

"Anyways," Wei Ying claps his hands loudly. "Tell us about your teahouse story, what was it about?" Wei Ying leans on the counter resting his chin on his hands. He takes a piece of peach that Lan Wangji cut a while before. 

"It's nothing much, another tragic love story." 

"Oooh, are you into love stories? Quite romantic aren't you?" 

"They both die in the end though." His son says without a hint of ache.

"Oh." 

"It's a great story nevertheless. The storyteller said it was based on real events." 

"They're all bluff." 

"I think it's nice." A-Yuan puts the chopped onions aside. He takes the washed lotus roots to dice them as he prefers. "The lead character was a nice heroic cultivator, who became evil for some reason. Despite this, his lover doesn't give up on him. When everyone tried to kill him, his lover fought all those people. It resulted in both dying. His lover was tortured to death. What makes it interesting tho," he pointedly looks at Wei Ying "that people think the man will return as a vengeful ghost to take revenge for killing his lover." 

The story felt oddly specific with nice characters turning evil. Lan Wangji doesn't even want to guess. He was done ladling the soup. He could feel his limbs stress down, his heart was not at his throat anymore. He took the knife from his son's hand telling him to wash up. 

"Oh, Min laoshi said he'll be visiting." A-Yuan informed him before leaving the kitchen. "He wouldn’t believe you took a day off. He thinks you're really sick and gave me this." He pulled out a small pack of powdered medicine. It was a kind gesture from the man. Though a waste of money if given to Lan Wangji. He'll have to give it away to one of the grandmothers in his village.

"Who's Min laoshi, he seems like a nice guy." Wei Ying proceeded to ask his son.

"He's the headmaster from the nursery A-die teaches in." 

"Lan- Ji-xiong!" Wei Ying says, almost slipping up again. "Don't tell me you took a day off because of me." 

"I must be a nice host to my guests." Lan Wangji states.

"Yeah, tell that to Yang-gugu sometimes." Laughed his son. Before Lan Wangji could repermind him, the boy ran away. 

"Who's this Yang-gugu." Wei Ying raised a brow. Lan Wangji saw a familiar hint of mischievousness in his eyes. If he were to use the same accusation once again, Lan Wangji would lose it.

"Luo Qing Yang, she's married." Saying so, Lan Wangji went back to the marinated chicken, wrapping it up with a lotus leaf. As he started to cover the chicken with clay, Wei Ying silently joined. 

"You say it as I know her." He pouted, pulling the wrapped chicken more to his side of the counter, covering it with clay. 

"You do know her." Lan Wangji answered, pulling the chicken back to himself. He can do it alone, Wei Ying didn't have to. While he appreciated the help, the man was making a mess of his counter and robes with mud. 

"I don't think I do, you never had a sister. I don't remember any woman being close to you." Wei Ying pulled the chicken once again while Lan Wangji was pulling it as well. 

"She's a friend." As he said, Wei Ying let go of the clay covered chicken. Which ended up in a bigger mess, splating wet clay everywhere.  

"Oops," Wei Ying says giggling. "Your face has- sorry sorry." He reaches to wipe the wet clay from Lan Wangji’s face. But Lan Wangji should have known it was Wei Ying. The man's mischief knows no bounds. In the act of wiping his face, he spread more clay over his face with an exuberant screech. Lan Wangji took hold of both hands in one grip before the criminal could run away. He pulled the man closer to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

But oh,

It was the face of the man he loves. It was the smile that resembled sunshine. It were those deer eyes that enchanted him for a lifetime. He was cupping the face of his lover. 

As Lan Wangji brushed his fingers, gray clay spread over his rosy cheeks. Wei Ying’s silver shaded eyes fixated on him with astonishment. He gaped, he gawked, and he did things to Lan Wangji’s heart that couldn't be talked. 

Their bodies were so close with only the kitchen counter between them. Lan Wangji couldn’t remember when was the last time he was so close to anyone other than his son. 

Wei Ying glanced away. He moved and Lan Wangji didn't have the strength to pull him close. He never did. 

"Aiyaaa, now both our robes are dirty." Wei Ying complained. "I'll not wash it for you! It's your fault Lan Zhan." 

"Wei Ying should not have pulled a mud covered chicken." 

"If you answered my question I'd have not." 

It occurred to Lan Wangji that they were bickering. It was silly bickering like the newly wed couples he saw in the town. He felt warmth bloom in with something so trivial that he felt stupid. 

Just then uncle Gao's voice came from the front porch. He called Lan Wangji’s name, saying he's returned with his cow. With his hands and face covered in mud he couldn’t dare to meet uncle Gao. It is not that he was afraid of the man, but the man, despite his good heart, had a thin lip. 

"I'll get it." Wei Ying promptly offered, leaving no time for Lan Wangji to decline. He walked out of the backdoors meeting uncle Gao mid way in the yard. If Lan Wangji looked out through his kitchen window he could see the two men. It went just as he expected.

Wei Ying cheerfully approaching a complete stranger  like they've known each other for years. The said stranger accusing him of robbery, anxiously looking around for any signs of felony. The poor old man might start screaming for help if Lan Wangji doesn't show up.

Lan Wangji responded through his window. 

"Laoshi!" The man almost cried. "Is this real?" 

"It is real! I am his friend." Wei Ying whined fraurstated. 

"He is. Please tie her in the shed. I apologize for the commotion. " 

Uncle Gao laughed saying stuff like there's no need to apologize. The man talked just as much as Wei Ying. He'd spill all of Lan Wangji’s life to Wei Ying in a breath. Next, Wei Ying knew that other than Luo Qingyang, Lan Wangji never had a friend visit him. Lan Wangji doesn't talk about himself, much less his friends. Lan Wangji only talks about his son and justice. He taught Lan Wangji to take care of cows, although he uses Lan Wangji’s cow to plow his land.  This and that, everything. 

By the time Wei Ying returned Lan Wangji had cleaned up, put the chicken in the oven. He was done cooking everything but Wei Ying had yet to roast his ears off. 

He laughed, reciting all the embarrassing things uncle Gao had told him. 

"You are famous with cows, Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying wheezed. "Do cows moo everytime you walk past them?" 

For a fact, they do. And Lan Wangji had no idea why it was funny to everyone. 

Lan Wangji went back to work knowing Wei Ying will not stop anytime soon. 

"Cang Laoshi" A-Yuan's friend called. He found Xinming standing near the porch gates with a basket of shrimps. "Is everything all right?" 

"It is." He answered unsure. 

"Oh- I uh.." She fiddled with her basket after noticing Wei Ying peeking from his shoulders. Shyly she says, "I saw Yuanyuan crying near the fountain and thought something happened.  I see you have a guest, I'll see myself." She runs away with a quick bow. 

Wei Ying and Lan Wangji looked at each other before they both dashed their way to the fountain. 

Lan Wangji blamed himself. He was distracted by his joyous emotions that he didn't notice his son was taking too long to return. 

Chapter Text

The earliest memory Cang Yuan has are of his father and aunt. He remembers being five years old, walking in the cottage they now call home. 

"This is where we're going to live from now on!" His Yang gugu had exclaimed with elation. 

Where they lived before, Cang Yuan had no idea. Where they lived before Jue yu village, he could never recall. 

Until that fateful night on the Dafan Mountain, he hadn't wanted to. 

There were many things that Cang Yuan didn't understand. He had so many questions in his head. As a child, he had felt like he was missing something. He was eating good food, he was sleeping on comfortable warm beds and blankets. His father would hold his hand while they slept. He lacked nothing. Yet he always felt like he was waiting for something- someone.He couldn’t put his finger on what exactly he was feeling. 

He had felt lonely. 

After a few months of their stay in Jue yu village, Yang-gugu had made friends with village women. Their sons and daughters later became his friends. As a kid, Cang Yuan couldn’t want anything more. This was what he had always wanted, playmates. However, when he told about his friends to his bed sick father, nothing felt right. In his heart he knew he had to share this excitement with someone who took care of him, but that person was not there. Cang Yuan couldn’t express how he felt. Despite being a child, he didn't want to bother his caretakers. 

During those early days, his father spent most of his time sleeping. Sometimes, Cang Yuan would copy his father, lying on his stomach as well. 

"Sleep on your back." His father would say fixing his posture. If Cang Yuan complained that he was also sleeping on his stomach why couldn't he, his father would look at him with distant eyes full of sadness. If he hadn't complained, maybe, he would never have learned about the scars on his back. 

One night, Cang Yuan woke up to his father's quiet whimpers.The man, who always slept on his stomach, was lying on his back, eyes shut as if asleep. He reached his crying father, calling his name as loudly as a trembling child could. His aunt dashed in from the other room. She had told him to go back to sleep while she adjusted his father back to his stomach. 

Cang Yuan noticed red, angry and vibrant even in the dim candle light. "Blood, he's bleeding." He had said that as though it was just another chore of his day. He saw his aunt peel off his father's robes and bandages.On the back of his head, he knew what he should do. Cang Yuan helped her carry basins of clean water and cleaner clothes without being asked for. He saw scars, so many scars on the back of the man he called his father. And nothing felt unusual. 

Scars, blood, whimpers and cries, the pungent smell of medicine and herbs, the rush of carrying water basins, darkness of their room, everything was right. 

Back then, he never wanted to know how his father got those scars. It never occurred to him that he should know. "You're hurt?" He'd simply ask. 

"Mn," his father would humm with a small smile. 

"Don't worry, it'll go away. You have to eat a lot and take your medicine every day." He said those words as they echoed in his head. Someone, a woman,  had said those to him before. He had thought it was his Yang-gugu. 

It took four years for his father to fully heal. For four years, Cang Yuan diligently took care of his father. He'd undo the bandages, clean the old concoctions, clean the bloodied back, re-apply the herb paste his aunt had prepared, redo the bandages, wash the old bandages. Sometimes his aunt would help, sometimes she couldn't. 

For those four years his aunt has been the only breadwinner. Cang Yuan couldn’t tell what his aunt did to earn money.  "Oh, just this and that." She'd nonchalantly reply when asked. Later, as he was on his daily errands in town, he accidentally found out she had been assisting a shopkeeper and had unironically fallen in love with the shopkeeper. 

Cang Yuan has a weird twist of luck. It's not like he actively seeks for answers of his mystified life, they voluntarily come to him. Just as he found out his aunt was in love with a merchant, he also found out she had been a cultivator all her life. 

It was one fateful day, He and his friends lost track of time while playing in the woods. They knew about the vengeful ghosts and yaos frequenting in the woods. And they were just kids. Of course they were attacked, of course someone came to save them. And the savior with a beautiful sword just happened to be his aunt.

"A-Yuan, I can explain." She had said and proceeded to tangle every wire in his head. If she was a cultivator and his father was her friend wouldn't that mean his father was also a cultivator. That would also explain those agonizing scars. 

He had expected his father to untangle his delima just as he had done for all his life. Little did he expect his father to be angry at both of them. His father's ever placid face soured at an instant when Yang-gugu revealed that he found out her little secret. That was the first time his father scolded him for real, with real anger. His father usually never minded his late returns or dirty clothes. He never forbade him anything, be it being loud or obnoxious. The man that always encouraged his curiosity was telling him to avoid anything related to cultivation and cultivators. 

Cang Yuan would follow his fathers order with all his heart, only if he found them reasonable. 

He did not find his father's orders reasonable. 

He had his doubts that his father was a cultivator. Something happened that scarred his father awfully. And Cang Yuan had to know what that was. What made his father so so heartbroken. Cang Yuan secretly started to study more about the cultivational world. He had taught himself a few talisman tricks, he had gained knowledge about ghosts and spirits. He learned about the five major clans, sunshot campaign, Yilling patriarch and his failed attempt at making a Wen army, The clash between Yilling patriarch and the Hanguan-jun, their deaths, the aftermath of their deaths. 

But he couldn’t find anything about his father or the Cang clan. 

His father never affirmed of him being a cultivator. Nevertheless he taught Cang Yuan meditation,  hand to hand combat. Maybe he knew Cang Yuan was up to something. Perhaps, deep down in his heart, he knew his son would try to fight if any old enemy were to attack him.

Now, just as Cang Yuan had mentioned earlier, the answers to his questions come voluntarily to him. He wasn't even trying to find anything. It was just another boring day. He was alone in his house, his father was in the school, his aunt and her husband were traveling with their child. Cang Yuan had nothing to do, so he thought cleaning the shelves would be a good way to spend his time.  

That was when he found a simple looking box with a tattered robe of a child. It was not any regular robe, it was a robe with Wen insignia etched on it. 

Why would his father have a Wen robe of a child? Why'd he keep it with so much care? Unless he personally knew the kid, unless his father had a connection with Wens. 

Cang Yuan had panicked at the thought of people coming to capture his father for his connection with the Wens. If that was to ever happen he wouldn't be able to save his father. He understood why his father avoided gatherings, avoided cultivators. 

After that day he had given up on whatever he was trying to find. 

Life was great, life was peaceful and quiet. 

But he always had a twisted fate. Just as he accepted not knowing a thing about his father's past, his father revealed that he was not his biological father. His father trembled as he spoke, "You were dear to a close friend of mine. After his death I took you in." 

"Oh," was what Cang Yuan had said as a reply.  He hated himself for not being able to speak. He hated not understanding. It was like his fate was a bundle of wool full of knots. As he thinks he untangled one knot the thread coils itself to make a messier knot. He was not his father’s son. Some close friend of his took care of him. Some close friend of his was insane enough to take in a Wen child,  unless the friend was a Wen himself. 

That robe was his for fucks sake.

His father was hiding to protect him! 

He put his father's life in danger!

That man was not even his father!

What if, Cang Yuan had thought, those scars were because of saving him. 

He couldn’t ask. How ironic it'd be if the reason behind his pain asked if he was the reason behind his pain.

He couldn’t look at the man, he couldn't meet his eyes. How can a man be so kind? What did he ever do for the man to endure such pain. The burden of guilt and gratitude crushed him to bits.

That time, Cang Yuan had planned to run away. He had thought if he left, his father would be free to live however he wanted. He was so blinded by his savior complex that he didn’t notice how much his father was hurting. 

While he was making his run,he found the poor man crying in their backyard in the middle of the night. The man he called his father was just as miserable as he was. Cang Yuan found him laid on the ground with a wine jar in his hand. His father only drank when extreme sadness filled his heart, wine would make things worse. Cang Yuan felt guilt choking him to death. 

"Please don't leave me." His father begged, holding him tight. "Please don't hate me. Please stay with me. Please, please please, please," 

Cang Yuan tucked him to bed silently. The man kept saying please like a mantra until he fell asleep. And Cang Yuan kept assuring "I'm here, I'm here." Just as his father did when he had nightmares. 

Later that day, he'd beg for forgiveness to the man who gave him nothing but unconditional love. He could care less about his blood and origins. Nothing mattered more than this person's happiness. 

He couldn’t believe his father had the audacity to say,"I know I'm not what you want." He added, "But I try my best to give you my everything. A-Yuan, blood or not, you'll always be my son. I wish nothing but happiness for you, as you are my joy and pride, the reason I live." 

His father had confirmed that he was not the reason behind those scars. "It was given to me as a form of punishment. I'm at fault. Do not blame yourself." 

Cang Yuan couldn’t understand. His father was an embodiment of virtue. He couldn’t think of anything a man could do to deserve such punishment, muchless his father. He wanted to know more but decided against it. Past life was a sensitive topic that everyone in his family avoided. Besides, the past didn't matter, what they should focus on is the present. 

Life went smoothly after that. Cang Yuan accepted being his father's son, blood be damned. Nothing in the world could pull them apart. 

But, remember twisted fate? Just as life was getting better, some random guy with an ostentatiously expensive fan came and said that Dafan mountain had the best loquats, ripe and juicy. And without a second thought Cang Yuan departed for Dafan because he wanted to give his dear father a sweet surprise. 

Again, answers come to him voluntarily. A funny looking man finds him and triggers memories he thought he had lost. A man with the look alike of his father appears, making him question his life once again.

The very next morning he finds out about the affair between the Yilling patriarch and Hanguan-jun. 

He is sure his father is a Lan. The Hanguan-jun, second of the twin jades, Lan Wangji. Mo Xuanyu is clearly the Yilling patriarch, Wei Wuxian. He was the man who had taken care of him like a father before the siege. He was a part of the Yilling patriarch’s so-called army? That did not make sense. From what he remembers there was no army but the olds, there was no battle ground but a mass grave of bones and rotten bodies. 

What else is everyone hiding from him, what else does he not know. Cang Yuan doesn't even know whether to call himself Cang, Wen, Lan or Wei. 

"A-Yuan," he feels his fathers comforting hand on his shoulder. 

"A-die," he says and realizes how broken he sounds. He didn’t even  realize he was crying all this time.

Why was his father there? He should be embracing the love of his life. Cang Yuan excused himself to give them time to each other. So that his father could freely spend time with his lover. His father had been so happy, so inexplicably happy. Cang Yuan never saw his father's eyes crinkle out of happiness. His father never looked at someone with so much longing and love. He should be there. Not here with him, wiping his tears. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine. What are you doing here?"

Instead of replying to his question, his father caressed his cheeks, "What happened, why is my A-Yuan crying?" 

Cang Yuan melts, he gives up. How could a man leave his long lost lover just to look after his adopted son. How could he be so gentle and not feel annoyed. 

His father was too good for the world. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He buried his face on his fathers chest. His father held him close despite his shaky arms.

The man is somehow always more scared than him. "Don't be sorry, you've done nothing wrong." 

"It's just-" Cang Yuan lets out a weak sob before adding, "I feel so exhausted. I can't, I can't hide anymore, I'm sorry. I know. I know what you've been trying to hide." 

His father's hands still out of shock. Yet Cang Yuan reveals everything. He doesn’t want to be in the shadows anymore. He's tired of pretending. He wants to love his father for who he truly is. He doesn’t want his father to hide any longer. He wants them to be free. 

"I know I'm a Wen. I know you're a Lan. I know who Mo Xuanyu is. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I found out." 

His father pulls his face closer to his, pressing their foreheads together. "Do not apologize for the truth. I'm sorry I lied to you my whole life." 

"No, you had your reasons. Don't say sorry." 

His father pulled him for a tight hug and Cang Yuan did so too. His father was the best hugger he's ever come across. The man doesn’t always hug but when he does he makes sure the receiver of his hugs understands the love behind it. 

When he opened his eyes, his eyes met with  Mo Xuanyu- no, Wei Wuxian, standing behind a tree, watching them from afar. He had an awkward look of hesitation in his face. Cang Yuan couldn’t help but smile at his presence. 

His smile gives Wei Wuxian the confidence to walk up to them. 

"Aiyaa,how did we got busted?" Although he was smiling, his eyes had glossed over with unshed tears. 

"How many times did you slip on your tongue?" Cang  Yuan couldn’t help but giggle at the offended but guilty face Wei Wuxian made. 

"Not a single time! I've no idea what you're talking about." The man was so bad at acting. No wonder his father fell in love with him. Everything in this world finds its equal.

Wei Wuxian's hands came to caressed Cang Yuan's cheeks. Without a thought he leaned into the man's touch. Although Cang Yuan never felt the lack of affection, his heart fluttered to Wei Wuxian's touch. He never thought he'd ever want more love despite having enough. 

"How did you know though?" Wei Wuxian's questions made his father flinch. His father glanced at him in a way to say that 'it is better not to ask now.' Wei Wuxian disregarded his fathers request as he kept waiting for Cang Yuan to give him an answer.

"I found an old small robe with Wen insignia on it." 

Hearing him, Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes to his father. "Why'd you keep the very thing you've been trying to hide." 

It was the first time Cang Yuan witnessed someone scolding his father. To his utter surprise, his father inclined his head to a side while pouting like a guilty child. 

Was his father this cute? His father could act cute? There was a side of his father that Cang Yuan was unaware of? It didn’t fit well in his stomach. If he was being honest, he'd admit he felt jealous. Then again, which father acts cute in front of their sons? It was fine, a man was allowed to be cute in front their lover. Cang Yuan just doesn't want to know what other sides his father has stored in for his lover. It'd be extremely embarrassing for him to discover something too adultish. 

"You two should go back." Cang Yuan said, clearing his throat. "I'll be back, I just need some alone time… please." 

Despite their hesitation, the two men understood what Cang Yuan felt.  Without a question they left patting him on his head and back. He'll always be  grateful for having been surrounded by such considerate people. 

Ever since Yang-gugu left to travel around as a cultivator, Cang Yuan had found his home to be empty. Most of the time, it was just him and his father, welcoming each other home. Yang-gugu was his constant conversation partner during his childhood. Cang Yuan grew up talkative thanks to her. She'd mostly talk about what happened in town, how much was sale, any village gossip or whatsoever. Without her it's just Cang Yuan talking and his father listening patiently. He wouldn't say he disliked his father’s quietness, but sometimes he'd wish there was another person to fill up the silence when none of them had anything to talk about. Sometimes the silence he shared with his father became too heavy to bear. 

He didn't know what he'd been wanting until Wei Wuxian came to their life. For the first time in a long time, Cang Yuan was welcomed back home with two warm voices calling his name. Two people with infinite affection looked after him for any signs of distress. He sat with two people enjoying warm lunch, with Wei Wuxian talking and his father listening, humming now and then. 

While eating, Wei Wuxian had tried to break the baked clay mold of the Beggar's chicken with a flick, dramatically crying as he failed. They insisted his father to flick open the mold, and God forbid Cang Yuan had never heard a crack so loud. Wei Wuxian complained about their food having so little spice, compliment for even using a little spice and oil. His father had precaution with a pot of chili oil. Cang Yuan wondered if the Yilling patriarch died of gastric ulcer. No one eats food that spicy. 

Nevertheless it was a celebration he'll always remember. 

"It'd be so much better if there was wine." Wei Wuxian said as soon as they were done eating. "Mid noon wine after lunch gives you the best nap you know. I haven’t had a single sip of wine since I came back." 

His father smiled watching the man whine. He took his steps toward the locked cabinet and Cang Yuan contemplated whether to run away or accept his crime or just stay quiet and let fate decide what happens to him.

Before he could decide, his father had handed over a jar that was supposed to have wine in it. 

"What? Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian's  eyes shone brightly. Cang Yuan could only feel sorry for the man and himself. It was wishful to think Wei Wuxian would refuse to drink.

"Don't tell me it's liquor!" 

"It is." 

It's not, Cang Yuan wanted to cry. He watched the poor man gulping down the water he had replaced months ago. He had half hoped that Wei Wuxian would pretend everything to be fine.

His hope was misplaced.

Wei Wuxian, the disgraceful man, spit out all the liquid from his mouth. "It's water!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. "Lan Zhan! Must you play such a prank! I was so happy that the great virtuous Lan Wangji was offering me liquor." 

"Sizhui." His father demanded at once. 

Cang Yuan was dead. So dead. He didn’t expect his father to be disappointed to the point of calling him by his courtesy name. 

"I'm so sorry!" Cang Yuan kneeled and howled. What is the point of holding up dignity when your dearest father is disappointed? He prostrated his head like a slave begs for their life to their king. "Please don't be mad at me." 

It's not that he was afraid of his father. Regardless, he'd pretty much like it if his father looked at him with pride rather than disdain. And a little dramatics never hurts. 

"I swear, I had only good intentions in my heart," he held up three fingers as a symbol of oath. He actually did not have a single good intention in his heart or brain. He just wanted to enjoy liquor with his friends. That didn't mean there was no good excuse for him to use. "This one didn't want his father to drink. This one thought, replacing wine with water could save his father from drunken blues." 

Cang Yuan knew he had won. His father was trying his best to bite back his smile. Oh, how hard he tried to be the strict father he was not. 

"Enough," his father sighed tiredly but fondly. "Wash the dishes. It's your punishment." 

Cang Yuan gleefully accepted the so-called punishment. He'd been planning to wash the dishes so his father could spend more time with his lover. 

"That's it? Pinch me really hard, I've to make sure I'm not dreaming." Wei Wuxian gapes with disbelief. He stares at Cang Yuan with lost confused eyes. He looked like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. "You want me to believe all this is real? Don't you think I was summoned in another world? This can not be real." 

His blabbering didn't make sense to Cang Yuan nor did it to his father. They stared at each other silently as Wei Wuxian goes through his mental breakdown. 

"You want to tell me," he pointed an accusatory finger at his father, "Lan Zhan drinks? The person who fought with me at first sight for alcohol, was now keeping liquor in his cabinet? I was punished for drinking and you let your son drink?"

His father sighed, so exhausted that Cang Yuan thought he'd pinch his nose out of frustration. "I don't drink on a regular basis. I keep liquor for guests such as my neighbors. You were punished because you broke the rules. And I did not let  A-Yuan drink, he sneaked them out." 

His father talking too much means no good news. He was either restraining himself from an anger outburst or an emotional outburst, either way it's terrible. However, being the indignant man, Wei Wuxian again disregarded his fathers possible outburst. At that point, A-Yuan doubted the man understood his father. People don't seem to be able to read his father as much as Cang Yuan can. He thought, being lovers, they most probably understood each other. That certainly didn't seem to be the case. Or perhaps that's just how these two are?

"A-Yuan's a little kid! How can you let him drink?" 

"I'm sixteen." Cang Yuan said from the kitchen as he washed the bowls. He'd rather not get mangled in a lovers quarrel but he has to defend his age as well. He was not a kid, mind you.

"You've started drinking from the age of thirteen, Wei Ying." 

"I'm me, Lan Zhan. And we're talking about A-Yuan, don't bring me in this."

"Why are you angry, may I know?" 

"I'm not angry." Wei Wuxian says angrily. "I'm just- just, surprised. I mean, everything is so unexpected." He sighed and meekly added, "I'm sorry. I overreacted." 

"Don't apologize. I'll bring a wine jar tomorrow." 

Cang Yuan couldn’t stop himself from smiling. This is what married couples really are like? Fight one moment then promise gifts the next moment. 

"Ah, I won't be here tomorrow." Hearing Wei Wuxian saying that, Cang Yuan swiftly ran to their common room. His hands were still covered in soap foams, he couldn’t mind drying them. "What do you mean you won't be here tomorrow?" 

He glanced at his father for any clue, but the man seemed more shocked than Cang Yuan was. 

"I mean, I was planning to depart this afternoon. I can't stay here for as long as I want just because you two are too kind. And I have things to do, remember." 

Whatever Wei Wuxian said made no sense to Cang Yuan. While he was dreaming of the three of them living together forever, Wei Wuxian was planning to go away. Was he not here to stay? Did his father not request him to say? Why'd Wei Wuxian think he was staying thanks to their kindness. What sort of kind people treat a person like a close family member unless just out of sheer kindness. 

Or was it, he glanced at his father to meet with same longing eyes he's had for years, if not fiercer. 

They never confessed? Cang Yuan suspected. If they never confessed, why were they acting so sickly in love? If they never confessed, why were they so close? If they never confessed, when will they?

The story Cang Yuan heard back in the tea house had told him a whole different story. In that story, Yilling Laozu and Hanguang-jun both fell in love at first sight, they've shared intimate moments as teens! 

The story was wrong. 

Albeit Cang Yuan had no doubt the two men were in love with each other. Anyone in their right mind could tell how sickly in love they are. 

Are they hiding their feelings from each for the sake of reputation? If that actually was the case, Cang Yuan has no choice but to make sure they accept themselves for who they are and open their hearts to each other. He also feared, if they were so loving without a confession how will they be after a confession, he shivers at the thought.

"Mn, I understand." His father had said after Wei Wuxian told them about his departure.Cang Yuan was sure his father had something else in his mind. 

He was correct. His father did have something else in his mind. But he was not expecting his father to go along with Wei Wuxian, leaving Cang Yuan incharge of the house. 

"But, A-die I want to go with you." He insisted, holding his father's arms. They were near the gates about to bid their farewells to Wei Wuxian. Only then did his father declare that he was tagging along. Cang Yuan felt betrayed by his father. After all they've been through, how could he just let his father go alone with someone that barely understands him.

"No one's going nowhere." Wei Wuxian scolded him, the man was just as surprised as Cang Yuan was. "Lan Zhan, you don't have to come with me. I can deal with it." 

"I know. I still want to." His father tightened the bag of extra clothes he had packed god knows when. "A-Yuan please stay," he requested. 

"But-"

"Lan Zhan you can't leave A-Yuan alone." Cang Yuan agreed with Wei Wuxian. "He's just a kid, he needs you at home." Cang Yuan didn't agree with Wei Wuxian. "I don't even understand why you want to come along with me. You know what I'm up to and yet…" 

"It's something you have no choice but to comply with. I want to help Wei Ying," his father pleaded with desperate regret, "Please." 

For a moment Wei Wuxian gawked at the man helplessly. He tried to form a word only to end up wheezing like a dying fish. "Fine," he said, turning away to the door, crossing his arms over his chest. "So fucking stubborn. You'll regret this." 

"I won't." His father assured with easy confidence.

Cang Yuan couldn’t agree. He couldn’t let his father go to who knows where. He has a vague idea of what Wei Wuxian 'has no choice but to comply with,' he assumed it had everything to do with manslaughter. Knowing that, how could Cang Yuan sleep in his bed in the safety of his house, when his father was probably fighting a deathly battle. He has to be there for his father, it's the least he could do after all the man had done for him. 

At the same time, he knew he had no chance to stand beside them. The influential Hanguan-jun and the mighty Yiling patriarch didn't need a coreless weak youth like him. He was useless. 

"I know I'm of no help," he spoke as warm tears blurred his vision, "I know I'm weak, but please-" He had to grab a fistful of his robes to stop his hands from shaking. "I need to make sure, I need to know that you're okay. You've never left the town, you don't show your face to the public, you haven't fought for a long time. I'm afraid, A-die. Please take me with you." There was no doubt he was bawling his eyes out. 

"Lan Zhan, let him," he found Wei Wuxian standing beside him with a comforting hand on his back. He spoke softly unlike how he'd moments before. "I know it's dangerous! And, I know I'm being pretentious as I say this, I know how he is feeling." He stands in between Cang Yuan and his father like a protective shield. "It's just that, when my parents left me alone for a night hunt for the first time I also felt afraid. I was not afraid of being alone, rather I feared that they'd never come back." The man took a lungful of air and added with a broken but firm voice, "and they never did." 

Cang Yuan knew Wei Wuxian was an orphan. He had a generalized idea of how orphans felt. As an orphan himself, Cang Yuan thought he understood. 

He didn't.

Infact, Cang Yuan never felt the mournfulness of losing his parents. He never felt the tug of filial devotion for someone he couldn’t remember. He was too young to remember the faces of those who birthed him, too young to have memories of those who cared for him.  

Now that Wei Wuxian spoke of his late parents with grief and regret, he had discovered the true meaning of orphancy. He was never one of them; his father, Cang Wangji, namingly Lan Wangji, had never made him feel parentless. 

His father huffed in exhaustion. With Wei Wuxian blocking his view, he could not tell what his father was feeling. 

"Okay," said his father, "pack only essentials." 

"Yeay," Cang Yuan couldn’t hold his excitement. He ran to his room as quickly as he could. There was so much to pack and so little time. His body vibrated with joy. He was going to travel around, leave the borders of Bailing with his father for the first time. Who could tell he was crying his eyes out minutes ago. 

"You spoiled him." He heard Wei Wuxian complain. He would not disagree. His father does spoil him, he loves him for that.

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian's favorite part of summer has always been the Qixi festival. As a teen, he'd spend his whole day playing around the town with other Jiang disciples. There were foods, beautiful decorations, lots of songs and dances and plays. At night when the real party began, lakes of Yunmeng would light up with uncountable lanterns of different sizes and colors.  From afar it'd look as though heaven and earth meet at a horizon filled with twinkling stars. And Wei Wuxian loved to imagine that, at the end of that horizon the star crossed lovers met. As a teen, he secretly wished to meet his lover in those star filled lakes. It was simply an earnest desire.

Long gone the desire to be loved. He wouldn’t want to impose such ill fate on anyone. After the war, he was barely living. He didn’t have the heart to fantasize love or friendship. 

He thought everyone feared and hated him.

He thought, Lan Zhan hated him. 

Lan Zhan never acknowledged their friendship verbally. Wei Wuxian, who always needed verbal confirmation, didn't notice the subtle acceptance from Lan Zhan. He'd still be oblivious had A-Yuan not vouched for. 

Wei Wuxian was honored with the friendship Lan Zhan offered. Truth to be told, he doesn't deserve that either. But Lan Zhan has always been stubborn in his stoic sort of way. If he wanted something, no one could have a say in that.  

If he wanted to tag along with Wei Wuxian and check up on the cultivational world's condition. Who was Wei Wuxian to say 'no' to him?

That being said, things made no sense to him as they are. He gets that Lan Zhan had a reason to leave his clan behind, pretending to be dead. Wei Wuxian is the only other crazy fucker that would do something as obnoxious as that. Yet, why'd Lan Zhan suddenly want to roam around the Jianghu, with Wei Wuxian nonetheless?

It was a hell of a surprise when Lan Zhan said he's coming along. Then A-Yuan, for some godforsaken reason, also tagged along and now they were camping in a street side tea house to get ready for bed because it's nine already.

They had departed after sunset. Lan Zhan and A-Yuan had bid goodbyes to their village neighbors saying they'll be out for "something important of a matter". The villagers looked at Wei Wuxian oddly, like he was some kind of loan shark taking Lan Zhan and his son to prison for delayed payment. 

Wei Wuxian didn't want to make a scene. He had originally planned to leave in the quiet hours of afternoon, when everyone is either asleep or doing whatever they do in the afternoon. 

A part of him wanted to delay his leave, a pathetic part of him wanted to spend a little more time with Lan Zhan and A-Yuan. They were the only people with whom he felt at home after a lifelong loneliness. 

It was weird. 

"Are you sure you can sleep on the chair ?" He asked A-Yuan. The tea house is a small, seemingly unpopular one. There's no customer and only an old granny at the counter serving only tea and soup. They've decided to spend the night there. If it was only Wei Wuxian he'd continue his travel till midnight, he'd sleep wherever his legs gave up. It was different with them. Especially with A-Yuan.

Little A-Yuan, who grew up with comfortable beddings, showed no discomfort. Instead he smiled with excitement, "It's my first time camping out so I'm enjoying it." 

He ate the cold soup with no complaints. If A-Yuan didn’t leave home, he'd be eating warm tender chicken with soft white rice. Why was the father and son duo so adamant to tag along with Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian had no clue. Yet, in the back of his mind, he's glad they came along. A little more time with close companions, people who knew his truth and stayed with him anyway. The delusional sense of safety that comes along with having someone by his side. He knows he's selfishly grasping into whatever scrap of warmth he finds in between Lan Zhan and A-Yuan, he can't stop himself. 

They'll be tired of him eventually. Eventually Lan Zhan will remember how annoying Wei Wuxian can be. With time Lan Zhan might remember why he hated Wei Wuxian, his anger will resurface. Until then, Wei Wuxian wants to latch on to him and his soft smiles. 

In the past few hours, Wei Wuxian had seen Lan Zhan smile more than he ever did in his life. There was a childish jealousy every time Lan Zhan smiled at A-Yuan. "Smile at me too," he'd wanted to whine. How wonderful it'd be if Lan Zhan held his hand like he held A-Yuan's. 

"So, what's your plan?" Asked A-Yuan. 

Wei Wuxian could forget what his purpose of traveling was. He was in delusional bliss before he realized he didn't actually have a plan. On his way he had told A-Yuan how he came to be, Mo Xuanyu and his sacrificial ritual. The possibility of murder and death. He finds A-Yuan weird for reacting normally. 

"To find out what Mo Xuanyu’s last wish was." 

He actually knows Mo Xuanyu’s last wish is to kill someone. But who, he has to find.

"And how do you plan to find that?" A-Yuan asked skeptically. He really has a great resemblance to Wen Qing when it comes to skepticism and sarcasm. 

"I'll fuck around and find out, I guess." Wei Wuxian would answer the same if it was Wen Qing asking. She'd enlarge her eyes with needles on her hand as a threat.

But the receiver of his answer was not Wen Qing but A-Yuan. And A-Yuan didn’t threaten him with needles. He glanced at his father with exhaustion as if he was asking, "This? This dumbass man is your friend?" 

Lan Zhan didn't need to see his son's face. He smiled and sipped his tea, as if he was complying, "Yes, this dumbass man is my friend." 

Wei Wuxian couldn’t stop himself from giggling. He shrugged and said,"I'm not a man to have pre-planned plans." 

A-Yuan rolled his eyes "Fine, you don't have to. We'll go back to Mo Xuanyu’s hometown, learn more about him. That way we can guess what he wanted. How's that?" He asked father. 

"Mn, sounds good." 

"Hey, hey, hey," Wei Wuxian slammed the table to get the father and son's attention."You can't just make a plan without me when it's my business." 

"Whatever, you'll have to follow along." Again, A-Yuan was as bossy as Wen Qing. Wei Wuxian feared Wen Qing's spirit might have possessed him. 

"A-Yuan, how are so rude? Lan Zhan, say something to your son."

"Don't be rude." Lan Zhan casually recited. 

"That's not enough!" 

Lan Zhan's laxness over A-Yuan baffles Wei Wuxian beyond repair. When he was young, Lan Zhan used to punish him for every little mishap. He had believed Lan Zhan would win the honor of strictest father if he ever had any children. He fantasized how Lan Zhan's children would be. He hypothesized, any children that Lan Zhan brings up will be just as rule-abiding as him. His children will be polite, courteous, restrained and quiet, little stick the muds like their father. Sure A-Yuan grew up really generous, but he's anything but restrained. It was like Lan Zhan brought him up as the Wen family would. 

Before he could think of a witty reply to shut the kid up, a disturbance in the tea house caught his eyes. A kid around A-Yuan's age barged in the shop looking overthrown. He was escorting an older lady with a child on her cradle. Along them was a middle aged man dressed like a servant. The servant assured him, "You're safe here, young master." That alone alerted Wei Wuxian. 

Robbery, perhaps. 

"Cang Laoshi!" The child in the lady's arms exclaimed as soon as his eyes fell on Lan Zhan. He wiggled himself out of the lady's arm, who Wei Wuxian assumed to be his mother. "Laoshi!" The child screeched with joy when Lan Zhan reached out to hold him. It was clear to Wei Wuxian that the child was one of Lan Zhan's students. 

"Hello, Mu er." Lan Zhan greets the child gently, taking him on his lap. "What brings you here?" He asks the newly arrived guests.

"Laoshi," the kid of A-Yuan's age, bows to Lan Zhan then to A-Yuan. They both bow back, and Wei Wuxian feels ignored once again. "Some trouble came up in our sect. Please don't be concerned." Although the boy told them not to be concerned, he looked like he wanted to cry on his knees. The lady was holding back her tears just as she failed to regulate her breath. They mentioned a sect, so Wei Wuxian, without deviation, can tell he's from the Bailing Ouyang sect. It's not close but closest to the tea house. 

"Laoshi, laoshi! You know, my Lao ye was running so fast and everyone was so scared. Lao ye played tag with everyone but A-niang didn't let me go to yeye." The child, Mu er, jumped on Lan Zhan’s lap trying to show what he was speaking about. Lan Zhan listened to the child's blabbering with great attention. Wei Wuxian dreamed, perhaps, that was how Lan Zhan looked when he took care of little A-Yuan. Suddenly Wei Wuxian had the urge to see Lan Zhan surrounded by unruly kids, surely he can't have that much patience. 

As the child  spoke of his grandfather the woman beside them started sobbing. 

"Okay, alright. Tell me what happened." Wei Wuxian walked in front of the kid. The way he shook told Wei Wuxian there was a lot to be concerned about. "Tell me, do you think something is wrong with the old man?" 

The boy broke into tears as he nodded. A-Yuan, his dear little radish, held the other boy from going onto his knees. "I don't know how, grandfather suddenly attacked our servants. They are fighting, but I had to run away." The boy sobbed as he spoke. 

"Is there anything else that feels weird?" 

"There is," the boy wiped his tears. "I believe he's possessed, but no one believed me. Grandfather, he was attacking everyone with his right hand when he's been left handed all his life." 

Wei Wuxian knows he'll regret this. But his heart was soft for crying little boys. The boy reminds him of A-Yuan crying, making his heart hurt. He's also annoyed at possessive hands. "Okay," he breathed out. "Take me to your sect."

"But-" the boy looked at him with surprise. A-Yuan and Lan Zhan also looked alert as Wei Wuxian spoke. "Don't look at me like that. I've dealt with a similar case not a week ago." 

"I'm coming with you." Lan Zhan stands determined, placing the child back on his mothers lap. 

"La- Ji-xiong! I'll be back. If you go, who'll look after them." 

"It is safe here." 

"And who says that?"

"Stop fighting!" A-Yuan shouts. "While you two are arguing, someone is dying in the Ouyang sect." 

Wei Wuxian considered A-Yuan for a second. There was no time to lose. Uttering no word Wei Wuxian placed a protective barrier on the tea house and ran to where the sect was. He's been to the Bailing Ouyang sect twice in his life. Though his memory is not clear he can detect the sect thanks to the strong resentful energy gushing in the wind. It was far more stronger than the left hand he dealt with back in Mo manor. He deeply hopes the problem is with  just two hands and not a full body scattered in pieces. 

As he ran he noticed Lan Zhan right behind him. He's ought to be angry at him for following, but he finds nothing but pure enjoyment. 

"What about A-Yuan? Will he be safe?"

"Protective barrier." Lan Zhan provides. 

Lan Zhan is the most reliable person Wei Wuxian could ever think of. He wouldn’t let a soul be hurt in his presence let alone his son. Yet he can't help being a little annoyed at the man for leaving A-Yuan there, alone and helpless. What if something happens to him when they are distracted? 

Damn it, he curses. He'll have to finish the hand off as soon as possible. He couldn’t bear to stay away from his little radish with looming danger.

Wei Wuxian was correct about the possessed hand. By the time they arrived at the Ouyang sect, they found the dead body of the old man, surprisingly the former sect leader of the Ouyang sect. The hallways of the sect were littered with dead servants and disciples like cicadas in late summer. 

"I'll bring it out," Wei Wuxian warned Lan Zhan. The man had put on his weimao and mili to hide his identity. It was probably not the best situation to think of how amazing he looked despite having half of his face covered. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help thinking how unbearably attractive he'd look if his pupils were golden instead of black. Wei Wuxian has yet to know how Lan Zhan changed his eye color. 

"It's near," Lan Zhan warned back. He pulled out his wooden guqin from his qiankun pouch, settling it on one hand like it weighed nothing. 

Wei Wuxian pressed his bamboo flute against his lips. His tune lured out the person victim of possession, a woman of early fifties. She attacked and they attacked back. Her attacks were fiercer than Madam Mo, but Lan Zhan was stronger than anyone. Though he didn’t have his sword, his arm strength alone could defeat one hundred common men. Still, Wei Wuxian couldn’t let the poor man do all the work, could he? Just as before,  he ordered dead corpses to wake, and commanded them to fight. 

While the dead fought Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan played the melody of clarity. Despite a lifetime of separation they complimented each other's notes like they've had duets their whole life. As if, in another universe they were musical partners, confidantes from another life. As Wei Wuxian played, he couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Lan Zhan. He wondered if Lan Zhan thought the same, if the thought of them being soulmates ever crossed his mind.

In the haze of misplaced hopes a note fell wrong and the possessed woman overpowered him.

"Behind you," Came A-Yuan's voice just in time for Wei Wuxian to dodge an attack. He quickly gains his composure following Lan Zhan with his tune. 

Furiously he thought, what the boy was doing there. For a moment he really wanted to smack that child.

"What are you doing here?" Lan Zhan inquired once the dust settled. He looked furious at his son.  "I told you to stay." 

A-Yuan looked helpless in front of his father's rage. 

Suddenly Wei Wuxian felt like a teen watching his shidi getting scolded by his mother for something Wei Wuxian did. Suddenly he was coiled in a suppressed rage of uselessness.

"It's not his fault," Wei Wuxian blurted out. "It's mine, if you're going to scold then scold me." Once again he found himself standing in between A-Yuan and Lan Zhan. Why did he feel so protective over A-Yuan he couldn’t tell. Lan Zhan was rightfully his father, the man could scold his son for when he was wrong. Regardless of right and wrong, Wei Wuxian wouldn't want anyone to tell his little treasure off, be it Lan Zhan. 

"I don't wish to scold you," Lan Zhan rubbed his temple in frustration, "neither A-Yuan." He glanced at the shrunken boy, speaking in a comforting tone, "Forgive me for my reaction.I'm not angry." The boy peeked over Wei Wuxian's shoulder to meet his father's laxed but tired eyes. "I was concerned, what if something happened to you?" 

The young master from the Ouyang sect came to view as he bowed deep. "Please forgive me, it was my fault for leading him here." 

"No one is at fault. Please look for your family." Lan Zhan sends off the boy.

As the boy was out of view A-Yuan crashed on his father with a hug. "I'm sorry," he mumbled as Lan Zhan patted his back. "I was worried." 

Wei Wuxian took one glance at his little overgrown radish and could tell something was eating him up. He was unable to believe how quickly his heart changed. At first he was angry at the boy for following them in danger. His anger reminded him of Madam Yu and the fear of becoming a parent like her overthrew him. Then one precious look from A-Yuan, his heart was filled with solace.

"We're not mad at you, okay?" He patted the slumped shoulder of his precious boy. "Don't be so dejected." 

"Mn," The little boy forced a smile. Forced smiles were getting on Wei Wuxian's nerves. He could bully the kid out of his inner turmoil, does he have the right to? 

"Just don't ever do this again okay? It's dangerous. Are you okay?" His concern met Lan Zhan's. They looked at each other for any clue to what might be bothering the little one. 

"How can I not be okay when the great Hanguang-jun and the fearsome Yilling Laozu is protecting me." The boy giggled while nonchalantly skipping over the dead bodies to take on the view. 

It's a tactical move to deter people's attention from a topic. It pisses Wei Wuxian a little though he can't help the fondness from blooming. "A big headache, isn't he?" 

Lan Zhan huffed to note that he might want to agree. This, however, offends the little boy's pride. "I'm not a headache. Am I A-die? 

His dear father smirks saying, "You're my favorite headache."

"How's that any good?" Puffing his cheeks like a petulant child he stomps into the sect like the dead bodies lying around him didn't mean anything. 

"You too." Saying that to him out of the blue, Lan Zhan follows A-Yuan in. 

"Hey, what does that mean?" Wei Wuxian asked in a perplexed haze. "Lan Zhan, hey!" 

Subsequently, Wei Wuxian handed over the sealed resentful hand to the current sect leader of Ouyang, Ouyang Xinxun. The man who Wei Wuxian knew as a whimpy boy, somehow looked older than his age. The guy cursed the Yiling Laozu for the demise of his sect. 

How hilarious, it is when the Yilling Laozu gets cursed for doing nothing but to save them. Wei Wuxian remained silent at the man's accusation. He was just glad that A-Yuan was not near when the man cursed his name. Be it as it was, he wants no respect from a man who hid to save himself, letting his own clansman die in vain. 

He had requested to let the Lan clan leader know of the incident as they are in charge of a similar case. Wei Wuxian has no doubts that Ouyang sect will bemerch whatever hardship he and Lan Zhan went through to get the hand sealed. He knows, as a matter of fact, that the sect will tell everyone that they were the one to defeat the resentful ghost hand.

The least they could do was to offer a room or two for them to stay? 

It was too much to hope for from the Ouyangs. Though the heir, Ouyang Zizhen is a pure contrast from his family. The boy had won his heart with how he showed respect to Wei Wuxian, how he shyly hoped to meet them again, how he pledged that not a single soul will know the real identity of the man behind the black veil. Perhaps, if their status matched, Yuan and him could be good friends. 

"Isn't it strange that two resentful hands appeared in the span of a week?" Asked A-Yuan on their way back to the tea house. 

"If you think of it, anything is possible." It does concern Wei Wuxian having to deal with two identical resentful energies.  

"What if another appears," A-Yuan hesitantly speaks, "will you…. I mean do I have to remain hidden." 

"You can stay near us if you wish to." Lan Zhan helps Wei Wuxian out of the helplessness of wanting to hide A-Yuan away from harm. It's like a reminder to Wei Wuxian that he is not alone. If anything was to happen to him, Lan Zhan would protect the kid. 

"A-Yuan is strong." Says the man to his son. He draws a sigil over A-Yuan's abdomen with his spiritual energy. "Just as strong as us." He holds his son's wrist for a brief moment. 

With how bewildered A-Yuan looked, Wei Wuxian could only smile out of fondness. He is glad that Lan Zhan feels secure enough to let his son know of his own golden core. In his honest opinion, he didn't like the decision Lan Zhan took to seal the core little A-Yuan had formed. To him it felt like injustice. Afterall, not everyone can have the privilege of a golden core. And his dearest little one deserves all the best privileges. 

"I'm deeply apologetic to have your core sealed." The man softly pressed a kiss on his son's forehead. If the lump in Wei Wuxian’s throat was choking him breathless, it was his business.

"Next you're going to say I'm an immortal priest from a heavenly temple." The boy baffled instead of cherishing the moment. 

"I'm afraid that is not the case." 

"Please, A-die," jumped the boy. "It's awful! You want to tell me I had a golden core all these time and all my feelings of insecurity and weakness was out of arrogance and I was not naturally strong because I ate my vegetables but for my core, that I could jump higher, dive deeper not because I exercised everyday but for a core that I didn’t know I had?" 

He said all that in one breath that even in dark Wei Wuxian could tell his face was as red as a ripe tomato.  "All right, calm dow-"

"No! You don't understand- I'm really really angry!" He starts running, leaving Lan Zhan unmoving. 

"A-Yuan, wait- where are you going!" Wei Wuxian fears this might turn into a father son drama. If it does, whose side will Wei Wuxian take? 

"Back to the shop! I'm sleepy." 

He didn’t have to be so harsh about it. Wei Wuxian felt exhausted after all the hassle they went through. He patted the unmoving Lan Zhan saying, "Don't worry. Kids do things like this, he'll be normal next morning." 

Lan Zhan let out a tired shaky exhale. Silence followed his whole being with worried lines on his bare temple. Wei Wuxian forced himself not to kiss those lines tenderly. 

What was he? Lan Zhan's wife? 

Chapter Text

Wen Yuan’s life has been full of twists and turns. Just a day ago he was like any other fifteen year old normal boy. And now he's not even sure of his own name. 

Is he a  Wen? Yes, since he was born in that clan.

Is he a Wei? Perhaps, since without a man named Wei he wouldn't even be alive. It's the least one could do to honor the name. 

Is he a Lan? Yes. That's his father's real surname. It should be his surname as well.

Is he a Cang? He grew up with this identity. He's known himself as Cang Yuan since… since he can remember. He's known himself as a regular human living a regular life. 

How much could change in a blink of an eye?

Too much, far too much for his mind to comprehend.

He was used to climbing the twisted vines of his fate. At one point, he looked down and he realized he climbed too high with no way back. He climbed too high without knowing his phobia of heights. 

And now the fear of falling down is creeping in his stomach with an odd sense of nausea. He's so close to slipping and falling. He's so close to breaking down. 

The golden core sits weirdly in his abdomen and the warmth of it is itching his veins. If he doesn't tear his body apart he might lose his sanity.  Perhaps he already did when he thought bringing a suspicious looking man to home was a good idea. Perhaps even long before. 

Now he sits on the breakfast table with a man who is feared nationwide, the Yilling Laozu. He sits close with the man who was known for his integrity, Hanguang-jun. He sits in between them and their untold love for each other.  

"Do you wish to re-seal your core?" His father asked him, pouring him warm bland tea house soup. 

Though the strange feeling of spiritual energy was making him uneasy, he doesn't want to re-seal it back to how it was. He shook his head to convey his message and his father did not press on the matter. 

"You'll get used to it," says Yilling Laozu, Wei Wuxian, still half asleep. "You'll like it then." 

'Get used to it' he says, as if Wen Yuan hadn't got used to the many cracks of his life. 'You'll like it' he says, and Wen Yuan wonders what's so important about liking something. Can a human not live with the things they have without liking it, with just by getting used to it. 

"I know you're upset, and I'm sorry that-" 

"A-die please," he stops his father in mid apology. How many times will the poor man apologize to him? What did he do wrong? Perhaps it was not generally popular for one to form their son's golden core in complete secrecy and seal it off like a cursed beast. It didn’t mean he was wrong, was he?

Wei Wuxian lightly flicks Wen Yuan's head saying, "Ayy don't talk to your father like that." He seemed to be completely awake then.  "Let me tell you a fun story," he lets out a hollow sleep addled laughter before he starts. 

"So you know, during the war I was kind of missing for a month or so," 

"Three months and twelve days," his father adds.

"Yeah yeah some days, it was just after the massacre of lotus pier that I lost my golden core." 

"You did what?" Wen Yuan exclaimed. He felt his heart stop at the casual remark of the man's loss of golden core. There were numerous stories about how a cultivator could lose their golden core, how awfully painful it is to bear. Since Wei Wuxian lost it after the massacre it must have been the result of the core melting hand. Though those stories glorified the death of Jiang Lords, it never mentioned a word about Wei Wuxian. 

"Yeah, I kinda became coreless and let me tell you,  you wouldn't want to lose your core once you've tasted how heavenly it feels. Back then I thought meh,  it's just a core. I can live without one, how hard can that be? And heavens took that personally. Good havens! They made sure I know how hard it can be." He laughed like it wasn't the most brutal thing to experience. " I assure you, You'll not feel too hot or too cold. You won't feel too hungry or too sleepy or tired. You won't feel the pain as much as you used to. Everything will feel…. safe." 

Wei Wuxian's lop-sided sleepy smile only made Wen Yuan nauseas. He wanted to smack that stupid smile out of his face. How could he speak of such ill fate without a hint of sadness. And there Wen Yuan was complaining about how pathetic his life was. 

"You lost your core?"  Father muttered weakly. His broken voice fully awaken Wei Wuxian. Only then did the stupid man realised what he just said. 

"Aiyaa, Lan Zhan! Why are you crying?" 

Wei Wuxian ran over to his father once he noticed tears rolling down his eyes. He retreated his hands before touching the crying man. Wen Yuan too, could feel his eyes hurt from holding back his tears. 

"You lost your core." Father repeated like he was recalling his past memories with Wei Wuxian who supposedly did not have a golden core. 

"That's- that's in the past now! I have got a new one. Oh god! I didn't think this through! I thought it would be a funny story!" 

"Funny story my foot!" Wen Yuan couldn’t stop himself from strangling the man on his collar. He leaped at Wei Wuxian with an unknown source of anger. "How could you so casually say that you were crippled and call it funny! How could you ask my father why he is crying after what you've said." 

Wen Yuan was unaware of his sudden strength. He couldn’t see through his anger that the man he was strangling was not the Yiling Laozu, but a feeble skinny  man struggling to move, struggling to get out of his hold. 

His father pulled him away from Wei Wuxian before he could stop himself. "Sizhui! What do you think you are doing?" 

He didn't know. He honestly didn't know. He was so angry, so frustrated, and so so sad. 

"Please, I'm sorry," Father turned to Wei Wuxian. "I'm so sorry, Wei Ying." He tried to hold the man but refrained from touching. His tears made things worse. 

"It's okay, I'm fine. Don't say sorry. A-Yuan didn't hurt me." 

"No, I'm-" Wen Yuan noticed how his father's hands shook. He couldn’t do anything about it. Wen Yuan was afraid, if he did as much as to move he'll break something. He'll ruin whatever he has with the two men infront of him. 

"Wei Ying," his father calmed himself as he spoke "I'm sorry that you had to go through the pain of losing your core. I'm sorry I couldn’t notice. I'm sorry that no one did. I'm sorry that I.. that I- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. " 

Oh how brave his father is. Wen Yuan knows how hard it is for his father to speak of what's hurting him. He knows how long it takes for him to come up with the courage to speak his heart out. 

How much does the man love Wei Wuxian, to speak, to let him know, to be seen vulnerable in broad daylight. 

"Lan Zhan, God! You've been apologizing way too much. Please-" Wei Wuxian could no longer hold back his tears. His eyes watered down with suppressed sobs. "Don't be sorry damn it! It's the past now, okay? I uh… I have to feed little apple. I hear him braying. Eat your breakfast." 

Wei Wuxian ran out of the tea house leaving him and his father alone. Wen Yuan couldn’t meet his father's eyes, neither could he speak. He heard his father sniffle before he wiped his face with the ends of his sleeves. "A-Yuan, please eat. I'll round around the town. I have some things to buy." 

With that, Wen Yuan was left alone in the old tea house. The granny that served their food had somehow slept through the chaos they brought up. He wished he could also sleep through all of these. He wished he wasn't being so pathetic about having a core. He stared at the bland soup,  gone cold hours ago. He wished his life was as bland as the soup. 

It was hypocritical to wish for a bland life now, when years ago Wen Yuan would deliberately look for trouble to make his life a little dramatic. 

He brought it upon himself. 

A hand knocks on the table from across him,  diverting his attention from the blandness of soup and void of fate. With how young the hand looked he thought it was Wei Wuxian. He didn’t expect a young boy in white robes with blue clouds fabricated on it. 

"Jingyi!" Perplexed, Wen Yuan forgot honorifics. "I mean Young master Lan." 

The boy cackled with his teeth out. "Jingyi is fine." He sat across Wen Yuan, though uninvited. "Is it a coincidence that we meet again?" 

"Perhaps?" 

"Perhaps!" The boy repeats. "What brings you here anyway?" 

"I uh.. I live in Bailing." 

"Oh right! Sorry! Right. I'm so stupid. You live here. Yes."

Lan Jingyi babbled as he flushed red. It put a small smile on Wen Yuan’s face. He's just so silly, he couldn’t help it. "What brings you here young master Lan.

"Again, just Jingyi is fine." He points out. "Heard of the massacre in the Ouyang sect? I'm here thanks to that." 

Wen Yuan refrains from mentioning that he was there when it happened. " You're here alone?" 

"Yes, apparently. Well, usually a more senior disciple would but my sect is in jumbles for the recent story that got popular." 

"The story about Hanguang-jun and Yilling Laozu's affair?" 

"Yes! That one. They're all busy finding the culprit of an author. So, Zewu-jun sent me to deal with Ouyang sect. But you know," he whines with a puckered lip, " I really wanted to be a part of the search team. There is so much gossip going around, and here I am doing head disciple duties." 

"You're the head disciple?" Wen Yuan couldn’t cover the shock in his voice. He didn’t expect a chatty person like Lan Jingyi to be the Head disciple of the restrained Lan sect. "Ah- sorry for how it came out."

"Honestly, I also ask that to myself sometimes. You're not the first person either. Hey, your soup is cold!" 

The boy takes the bowl of cold soup to the sleeping granny, wakes her up and asks for more warm soup. 

"You look tired, is everything okay?" He speaks as soon as he returns. It was then Wen Yuan thought that some of the boy's personality matches with Wei Wuxian. Chatty, buoyant, speaks his mind. 

"Can I ask you something?" With a nod from the white cladded boy Wen Yuan asks, "Do you believe in that story, about Yilling Laozu having a love affair with Hanguang-jun?" 

Lan Jingyi looked to his left, then to his right and all around the place as if someone's following him. He leans closer with a half-covered mouth, whispering "Not only me, everyone in my clan does." With the secret revealed, he leaned back to his seat with a big exhale. "I don't know why, but my clan elders don't want outsiders to know. Something something about reputation and what not." 

Isn't Wen Yuan an outsider as well? Why did the boy trust him with the secret? God knows how the boy became head of the disciples. 

"Why do they do that?" Wen Yuan wanted to slam his fist on the table. "I mean, Hanguang-jun is dead right, can they not at least respect what he died for?" 

At this, Lan Jingyi started to look uncomfortable. He fidgeted his thumbs together avoiding meeting his eyes. "Ummm… well, actually.." He hesitates. 

"It's okay Jingyi, you don't have to answer me. I know I'm-" 

"No it's-" Lan Jingyi stops him from saying anything further. "It's not like I don't want to tell you. I want to tell you everything, really. It's just- I hope what my clan did doesn't make a false impression of me to you. I'm different from them! I swear!" 

Wen Yuan felt alert at the notion, at the same time he feels lucky to have crossed paths with this spectacular one. "I promise," he assures softly. "What your clansmen does, doesn't define you." 

Hearing him, Lan Jingyi's tense shoulders relaxed. He smiled upbeat and said, "There's a rumor that goes around our sect even my elders indulge. That, my elders were the ones who killed Hanguang-jun. Not because he loved a man but because he loved a vile man who practiced demonic cultivation. I hate my clan for this! I mean, I understand that Hanguang-jun made a mistake, that he fell in love with the wrong person. But, they didn't have to kill him. He was said to be our clan's pride. He is your blood and flesh, how can you be his uncle and inflict punishment to death." 

Wen Yuan remained silent at Lan Jingyi's frustrated unleashing. He speaks so fast that it takes Wen Yuan longer to understand what he said. He finds himself astonished, how could someone speak on behalf of his father though they've never met him. 

"Ah- I'm sorry!" Lan Jingyi hides himself behind his sleeves. "I know I'm wired. It's just, I don't get to speak about Hanguang-jun in my sect and you asked so I couldn't stop myself." 

Wen Yuan huffed, "I don't mind." He really doesn't. He's grateful that Lan Jingyi told him something he didn't know. Apparently it was his father's uncle that inflicted punishment upon his father. The punishment, he believed, was the result of his father's scarred back, years of pain and suffering. He wants to meet that person up close. He wants to see what face do the man carries to have his father go through such misery. He wants to ask the man, how could he sleep at night knowing his nephew was in pitless agony. He wanted to know why the man could not allow his father to save the man he loved. 

"Do you believe Hanguang-jun was wrong to love the Yilling Laozu?" The question slipped out before he could stop himself. 

"Well," said Lan Jingyi, "that's what I've been told." He takes the new batch of food with a warm smile. There was warm soup with two bean paste buns. Offering one to Wen Yuan he added, "While I do think he loved the wrong person, I don't hold him against it. You never know who you'll fall in love with." He says the last parts with the manner of a shy child. 

"Then, do you believe Yilling Laozu was a vile man?" 

"That's what everyone says, even his own brother. How am I to not believe." 

Even his own brother, the Jiang clan leader. 

Wen Yuan wanted to meet so many people, ask so many questions. No body knew the war hero Wei Wuxian was core less. Nobody cared when the coreless man walked up to the unorthodox path to survive, save innocent people. They called him vile when they pushed him to death. Wen Yuan's heart was too small to hold back the grudges he held. 

"I'm I wrong?" The boy across from him asked with doubt etched in his face. He looked like a kicked puppy when he did that. 

"Say," Wen Yuan rested his chin on his hand. "What would you do if Yilling Laozu and Hanguan-jun suddenly appeared behind you?" 

"Pfft- like the story? That won't happen." 

"What if it did?" 

"I'd probably scream my lungs out." Lan Jingyi laughed, "maybe pee in my pants a lil' bit." 

It made both Wen Yuan and Lan Jingyi laugh out loud. Little did the poor Lan boy know, the fearsome Yilling Laozu was right behind him, approaching with his most mischievous smile. 

"If this isn't who I think it is!" Wei Wuxian whistled, locking his arm around Lan Jingyi's neck. "Young master Lan who has a crush on my lil' A-Yuan." 

"You!" Lan Jingyi looks at the man with equal frustration and horror. 

"Yes! It's me. Glad you remember!" Wei Wuxian smiles with all his teeth. His smiles are so bright that one could never tell that a few moments ago Wen Yuan had him on chokehold, that the man had probably cried behind some tree. Wen Yuan couldn’t bring himself to look at the man and not feel guilty. 

"What are you doing here!?" Lan Jingyi demaned. 

"I can be wherever I want. I've nowhere to be. What are you doing here? Stalking my little radish, hm?" 

"I'm not stalking anyone. Who's your little radish?" 

Before anyone could speak a word, his father appeared right behind Wei Wuxian. Though he had his veil mask covering half of his face, anyone could tell he was not pleased to see Lan Jingyi. He pulled Wei Wuxian away from Lan Jingyi to where Wen Yuan was sitting. 

"A-die," Wen Yuan called his father to calm him down. For someone as gentle as his father, it was uncommon for him to be angry at a total stranger. Perhaps, Lan Jingyi is not an absolute stranger, as he is also a Lan. And his father has some unrest issues with the Lans. Still, Wen Yuan doesn't want his father to be angry at Lan Jingyi of all people. "Umm, this Lan Jingyi. He saved me when I was stuck in the net." 

Lan Jingyi stands up abruptly with fear etched to his face. The boy saluted his father as if he were some royal general, "Cang daren, this humble one is grateful to meet you." 

Wen Yuan wanted to face palm himself at the boy's cringeness, while Wei Wuxian just giggled. 

"Thank-you for helping my son." Father acknowledged, "May I know what brings you here?" 

Lan Jingyi dutifully elaborated the reason behind his existence in Bailing though stuttering here and there. It didn't go unnoticed by Wen Yuan that his father liked him less when Lan Jingyi told him he was the head disciple. 

"A head disciple should be punctual at his task." His father says, frowning his brows.

"Yes?" The dumbfounded head disciple asks.

"Your presence is required in the Ouyang sect," his father reminds with a thinning patient, "not here," he added with an emphasis as to say go away. 

The poor sweating head disciple got the cue to make his run. He bowed deeply to them before bidding his well wishes and goodbyes. 

"Young master Lan," Wen Yuan called for the boy before he could go out of sight. Though his father glanced at him with concern he assured it'll be quick. 

He had to run to the boy waiting at the gates. Without any elaboration Wen Yuan asked, "How much do you know about Mo Xuanyu. Can you tell me about him?" 

"Him?" Lan Jingyi looked far more concerned to meet his father's rage than to think about some Mo Xuanyu. "Uhh… Well, I only know the popular gossip. Mo Xuanyu is, you know, a famous cut-sleeve. People say he tried to harass his half-brother, who's the sect leader of Jin." 

"Jin Guangyao!?" Wen Yuan gasped with shock.

"Yes, Jin Guangyao!" Lan Jingyi mimicked Wen Yuan’s shocked tone. "It's the reason why he was kicked out of the Jin sect." 

"Anything else?" 

Though Lan Jingyi was weirded out by his sudden inquiry about Mo Xuanyu he answered his best. "The madam of Mo manor said that he lost his senses after being kicked out. I heard some villagers say he became a lunatic after his mother died." He thought for a moment before adding, "Oh, some also said that his mother was abused by the Mo family." 

"Why's that, any clue?" 

"Isn't that obvious, she had committed adultery with Jin Guangshan. He didn’t take her as his wife after birthing his child, his son was returned back after his death. My take is, she died for the humiliation she had to face." 

The information Lan Jingyi gave slotted together like puzzle pieces. It's so obvious who Mo Xuanyu wanted to take revenge for. It was no use going to Mo village for a clue. The culprit lies somewhere in the Jin clan. On top of Wen Yuan’s suspicion list is the half brother who he harassed, Jin Guangyao. 

"A-Yuan!" Wailed Wei Wuxian, "your father is going to burst with rage if you stay any longer near your boy crush." He giggled as if that was the best joke he ever made. 

"Why's he still around though?" Asked Lan Jingyi with poorly concealed irritation. 

"My father and him were friends. They seemed to be fond of each other." And by fond he meant the deeper kind of fond. 

Lan Jingyi stammered as the realization hit him. He sputtered with a red face about God knows what. Wen Yuan only understood he needed to go as he said "bye" in a hurried manner. 

Lan Jingyi had a cerulean shade of scabbard with unique cloud patterns. As he maneuvered above the ground the silver of his sword glistened against the blue sky. He saw Lan Jingyi's silhouette become smaller and wondered how must it feel to fly among clouds. 

"There's a change of plan," Wen Yuan announced to the men waiting for him, awkwardly at best. 

"How are you incharge of planning?" Wei Wuxian pouted, though he seemed eager to know what changed.

"Let's head to Jinlintai. Mo Xuanyu’s biggest foe resides somewhere within," Wen Yuan explained what he learned from Lan Jingyi and how he came to doubt Jin Guangyao. 

"Come to think of it," Wei Wuxian said, taking the reins of his donkey. "I have some questions for that bastard as well." 

Wen Yuan did not know what those questions might be, but he's sure that he has framed his doubts on the right person. 

Before they could start their journey to Jinlintai, his father silently handed Wei Wuxian a dark brown flute. 

Oh, thought Wen Yuan. That's what father wanted to buy from town. 

He couldn’t help but smile at the quiet efforts his father puts on to make the man happy. Yet it doesn't go through the man's head what his father so badly wants to deliver. 

The thick headed man says, "You didn’t have to buy this, Lan Zhan! It's rosewood! How am I ever going to repay you! I'm a penniless man." 

Shall Wen Yuan let go of his tongue and say, "Hello, earth to Wei Wuxian! Lan Wangji loves you, it's how he shows his love." 

That would make his father upset, if he did. If Wei Wuxian can't see it with his own eyes, he won't be able to see it with Wen Yuan’s eyes either, it's what he believes. Moreover, if Wei Wuxian can't see his fathers love, he'll dismiss Wen Yuan as a joke. Wen Yuan can't bear to see his longing father feel rejected each time he tries to come close to the man. 

"This one is for you." He hears his father say to him. His father held out a long shaft covered in white cloth. If that was a flute, it'd be an extremely long flute. 

"It better not be a huge flute," Wen Yuan joked as he unwrapped the cloth. 

And to his utter surprise, he found an iridescent  metal cover. The cloth fell on the ground to uncover more of its body. His hands held a scabbard of baby blue, cloud patterned hilt and the most expensive looking tassel. Altogether, it was the most expensive object Wen Yuan’s hands had ever touched. 

"Bichen," cooed Wei Wuxian. 

"Bichen?" Wen Yuan repeated, asking.

"It is named Bichen." His father informed. 

It didn’t help Wen Yuan at all. He gets that it is named Bichen. A sword more expensive than anything he owns is named Bichen, made sense. But why was his father giving it to him. Why did his father handed it over in the first pl- 

Oh….

"Is this yours?" A cultivator of Hanguan-jun's level welding a sword as beautiful as this, it would only make sense if he said yes. 

"It was." His father replied with a soft, proud smile. "I wish for you to wield it." He guided Wen Yuan’s hand to the hilt. "Does Bichen accept you?" he asked.

How could a lifeless object reject anyone? Wen Yuan thought. But the sword did not feel lifeless in his hand. As he tightened his grip on the hilt he felt a pulse under his skin. The phantom throbbing of blood against the palm of his hand reached to the core of his spiritual energy. He felt strings of energy connected to his soul and an exuberant shrill within, as if…

"It feels happy." He murmured to his father, not quite able to keep the corners of his mouth from lifting up. He is grateful that the spirit within the sword accepted him without a hint of distrust. 

"Bichen is yours from now on. If in danger, may you protect yourself with Bichen as your shield." 

An annoying voice in him says, he doesn't deserve the honor. It said, Wen Yuan was taking more than his father could give. But then, he looked at his father's proud little smile. He glanced at Wei Wuxian's overjoyed smile of approval and the tears of happiness at the corner of his eyes. 

Wen Yuan beat up on his thought. He said, it's okay. It's fine. 

He unsheathed the sword from its scabbard, revealing the mirror-like silver body. Bichen lived up to its name. There was not a single spec of dust or rust on its body. He could tell how well his father took care of the sword over the years. 

The thrill in the sword passed down to his heart. He wielded the sword in the sky. 

Look at me heaven and earth, he yelled in his mind. No identity, no clan, no blood and I'm still the most beloved one. 

Wen Yuan laughed, smiled and giggled. He jumped and swung the sword however he wished. 

"A-Yuan be careful," said his father. Perhaps he threatened lil apple with his sloppy swordsmanship for her to run away from him. For no reason at all, Wei Wuxian laughed and jumped in to spar with his newly acquired flute. They played, attacked but didn't really hit, though Wei Wuxian would find an opening to hit him on the heads or shoulders. 

"That is enough." His father stopped them before A-Yuan could actually get serious. "You'll hurt yourself." He scolded the man with the flute. As though nothing goes through his head, he smiled with all his teeth out. 

"A-Die, can I fly?" 

"Mn," said his father. "I'll show you." 

His father took bichen in his hand. It hovered on the ground under his command, how Wen Yuan couldn’t say.  Standing on the sword his father invited to hop on. 

Fly together! 

Wen Yuan didn't know how flying on swords worked or if it was possible for two people to fly on one sword. But he trusted his father. If anything were to happen his father would save him. He stood on thin steel making the sword wobble. His father hugged him before he could fall back on the ground.

"Hold tight," his father instructed above his head. Despite feeling scared, Wen Yuan was thrilled to be up in the air. He buried his face in his father's chest in an attempt to tone down his excitement. 

"Wei Ying," said his father. Wen Yuan found his father glancing at the man in front of them. The confused looking man, stared back and suddenly it was another staring competition between the two. 

"He's telling you to get on the sword as well." Wen Yuan informed him, as he was not the best at patience. 

"Me?" Wei Wuxian baffled. "Three people is too dangerous. You two fly. I'll follow up with lil apple." 

"One leap and we'll come down." His father held out the hand that was not holding him. 

"Come on, hurry." Wen Yuan could only wait a little longer. How could one be patient when they are hovering above the ground, ready to fly in the sky at any moment?

"I'm just an excuse for you to have a picnic." Wei Wuxian complained with a pout, and a failed attempt at hiding his smile. Taking his father's hand, he stood behind them. He held the taller man on his shoulder,  peeping over at Wen Yuan with a smile. With His father squeezed in between him and Wei Wuxian, they probably looked like jesters on the streets. Wen Yuan could care less, because in a count of two, they were starting to levitate towards the clouds.

At first the motion caught Wen Yuan off guard. He knew he had motion sickness on boats. He didn’t want to be sick mid air. His father had looked so happy to be able to fly again. Him getting sick would ruin the moment.

He begged his body to swallow down the nausea in his stomach. 

In the trance of fear, he dug his nails on his fathers chest. His ever so loving father held him closer to his heart. Wen Yuan focused on the arrhythmic beating of his heart, too fast, and too loud to be considered normal. Perhaps, his father was also afraid, perhaps he wanted to take the step forward despite the fear. 

Be brave. He told himself, for his sake, for his father's sake. 

"A-Yuan, look in front of you." Wei Wuxian's excited cheers calms his nerves. He unsticks his face to turn his head. His eyes caught the horizon of vast green and blue. The cold air made him shiver throughout his spine. He felt the hair on his skin stand as they moved forward. 

"Speed up, Lan Zhan!" 

"It's dangerous." 

"Boooo," 

Their small bickering made Wen Yuan giggle. "A-die, please." He also wanted to fly faster rather than move awkwardly like flying snails. 

Wei Wuxian triumphed at Wen Yuan’s pleading. In the end, his father gave up and sped up their pace. They moved at the  speed of horse rather than a snail. Wen Yuan once again, laughed out of sheer thrill. Wei Wuxian would command to turn, go up or down, through the clouds. His father sighed and complied with all of Wei Wuxian's silly urges. 

This is wonderful, thought Wen Yuan. 

It was so wonderful that he pledged to go high and low to keep the three of them together as it was.

Chapter Text

Getting revenge as a sinister ghoul would be a huge pain in the ass, was what Wei Wuxian thought. After reconciling with A-Yuan and Lan Zhan he didn’t think the same. At best he'd want to finish off whatever wishes Mo Xuanyu made, just so he could continue to meet with these two person. Finding Lan Zhan himself embodied a pivotal shift in his generally purposeless life. His goals went from wandering to and fro to finding an excuse to visit the man's home as frequently as possible. Perhaps he could find himself a cottage near Lan Zhan's house, drop by with the radishes he will grow, or to play with the bunnies. He can raise a batch of bunnies himself and ask Lan Zhan to visit them once in a while. 

Maybe, just maybe, they'll be better friends in this second attempt of his life. 

Maybe, just maybe, Wei Wuxian can be a better guardian for A-Yuan. 

During those times the little boy was the one to forgive him for his anger tantrums. That little boy grew up to forgive him for all the misdeed he had done in his life. Wei Wuxian wonders what makes A-Yuan so happy to have him, a monster who murdered three thousand people, be around. Despite knowing the stench of blood in his hands A-Yuan holds them as though they're the safest pair to exist. 

He holds Wei Wuxian's hands to balance himself on bichen, he holds Wei Wuxian's hands when he's tired of walking, he holds Wei Wuxian's hands, sleeping a peaceful sleep. He holds Wei Wuxian close as if he's afraid Wei Wuxian will flee. 

After a week of constant walking on forest roads, in A-Yuan's case, floating on bichen, they stepped into Jin territory.  

Zhibi city was not as buzzing as Lanling. It's definitely more packed than the towns A-Yuan have been before. As they walked the town started to be more lively with lanterns and stalls, inns and travelers. Wei Ying could tell it was A-Yuan's first time being in a place so festive. His eyes wandered around, left and right, up and down, here and there. He couldn’t stop pointing at stalls or people despite his father's reminding. A-Yuan jumped around from stall to stall like one of those curious bunnies Wei Wuxian saw back in Lan Zhan’s house. 

Lan Zhan was one specimen of a father. When Wei Wuxian said he spoiled the kid, he really meant it. The man bought A-Yuan everything he showed, even if they were of no use. For instance, A-Yuan showed him a pair of earrings and Lan Zhan bought them although none of the two had their ears pierced. A-Yuan thought the bamboo fiber fan was cool, so he bought it. He liked a new pair of shoes, Lan Zhan bought them too. 

"You're going to get penniless if you keep buying him everything he points at." Wei Wuxian said with no bite behind it. It was not like Lan Zhan was living off his family inheritance, or the high payment of a renowned cultivator. He was a nursery teacher of a small town, his earning was nowhere near his previous lifestyle. Thanks to his veil, Wei Wuxian couldn’t tell what kind of face Lan Zhan was making. However, he could feel the smile with how tenderly he spoke. 

He said, "What is the point of earning if I can't give A-Yuan what he wants?" 

And that is perhaps why Lan Zhan is the best father A-Yuan could ever have. Had it been Wei Wuxian, he'd never say such heartwarming words. He remembers,  back in Yilling, bargaining for a toy little A-Yuan liked. Back then, Wei Wuxian had to run away with A-Yuan because he couldn’t risk wasting money. A-Yuan didn't stop crying for a day when he was not given the bare minimum of what he wanted. He remembers, it was Lan Zhan who bought A-Yuan a toy for the first time in his miserable times. Lan Zhan gave A-Yuan more than he could want and that instantly made the little boy so attached to the passive looking man. 

"Is there something you'd want to buy?" Lan Zhan asked, meeting his eyes with curiosity. 

It was more than enough to have Lan Zhan's company and his comforting smiles, Wei Wuxian couldn’t be asking for more not when it comes to his hard earned money. "What could the Yilling Laozu want." He joked instead. 

"Anything," 

"What if I never pay you back?"

"You don't have to pay me back. There's no debt between us." 

Wei Wuxian couldn’t get rid off the warm feeling that kept blooming in his chest. He felt so at peace that his fear of losing it became worse with each beat. 

"Emperor's smile." He gave Lan Zhan something to distract the unsettling feeling in his stomach. 

"That's only found in Gusu." 

"Too bad we're not there. Yilling Laozu wants nothing other than the Emperor's smile." 

Lan Zhan sighed knowing Wei Wuxian will continue to twist till he gives up. They went back to watching over their little rabbit hopping from one stall to another. 

"Zhibi city isn't as illustrious as I thought it'd be."  A-Yuan joked once he was tired of sight seeing. 

"What, did you think it'd be full of paper money?" Wei Wuxian jokes. 

"More or so." 

They both laugh at each other's silly jokes. Would anyone believe A-Yuan grew up under Lan Zhan's care after watching the boy joke around with word plays. Wei Wuxian certainly would not.

"You'll get to see it once we get to Lanling. Jin Guangshan made sure for people to know of his wealth. Too bad he's not alive." 

"Oh you heard of his death already?" A-Yuan snorted while asking.

"Your father told me." 

"Ah-" He mischievously glanced at his father before asking, "did he tell you how he died?" 

Although the setting sun and lantern lights made it hard to detect, Lan Zhan looked as though he was going through a second hand embarrassment.

"Yeah, he did." 

"Did he tell you," A-Yuan raised his thumb in a vague gesture as he added, "his thing was stuck inside when he died." 

Wei Wuxian couldn’t understand what A-Yuan meant by 'thing'. Before he could, Lan Zhan was scolding his son with lost patience. He pinched A-Yuan's cheek saying, "You're too young to speak such obscene." 

Lan Zhan finding A-Yuan's word obscene and A-Yuan's not so sorry face made Wei Wuxian realize what 'thing' meant. Once the realization hit, he couldn’t stop laughing like a madman. 

"His thing was stuck?" He asked wheezing. 

A-Yuan slid out of his father's grasp to join Wei Wuxian's laughing maina. "It was in when he died." 

"How did you know?"

"Everyone knows." 

Wei Wuxian tried but failed at containing his laughter. He knew the story of Jin Guangshan's embarrassing death was being told in every tea house. He knew Lan Zhan heard the story more than he'd like to. The thought of Lan Zhan hearing Jin Guangshan having his dick stuck inside as he said goodbye to earth made him cackle from his core. 

"It's a rumor got-famous. We should not believe such rumors." The poor tired Lan Zhan huffed. 

"But A-die, people say Jin Guangyao confirmed having his body found in such a state." 

"Oh lord he did?" Wei Wuxian broke down to giggles once again.

"He did!" 

"Why's this so embarrassing!" 

Lan Zhan could barley hide his embarrassment, "If you're so embarrassed, perhaps you should stop." 

It was one thing having to tolerate Wei Wuxian but Lan Zhan had to bear with both him and his son, speaking 'obscene' and laughing inelegantly. Wei Wuxian felt bad for being so loud yet he could not stop.

"Ayy- A-Yuan stop making me laugh." 

Being scolded for no reason spite the boy for a mischievous prank. He smirked and said,"If you want to stop laughing you can check out that stall." 

Wei Wuxian, from years of experience, knows its a trap better avoided. He is but a curious creature. If A-Yuan said the stall would make him stop laughing, there must be something hostile. 

Sinister, even.

"Evil repelling Yilling Laozu portrait, only for two copper coins." The shabby looking merchant said. 

The portrait in question had the most ugly looking man drawn on the paper. If there ever was a competition held on the ugliest man, the person in the portrait would win. Even the paper would feel insulted for having been drawn over. 

"You want to say this is how Yilling Laozu looked?" Wei Wuxian enraged at the merchant. He didn’t understand what was so funny about it for A-Yuan to laugh till his stomach hurt. In all honesty it did make Wei Wuxian stop laughing, but at the cost of his pride.

"Have you ever seen the Yilling Laozu with your own eyes! He was fourth in the most desired bachelors." He turned to ask Lan Zhan, hoping he'd agree,"Was he not, er-gege?" 

"Mn," agreed Lan Zhan. To make things worse, he so fondly added "exceptionally beautiful." 

He could stop at 'mn' like he always did. He could just nod his head. He could even disagree. Yet, he had to stir up unknown feelings in Wei Wuxian's heart that made his blood pump a little too frenzy. 

The merchant didn't care if Wei Wuxian was blushing or if Lan Zhan was being smug or if A-Yuan was staring at them with big surprised eyes. He groaned, "I don't care if he was fourth or first. Buy it for two coins or leave, don't shoo away my customers." 

"What customers?" Questioned A-Yuan "You're scamming people." 

"Young master," said the merchant slamming the deck of his stall, "people already believe that the Yilling Laozu is back, you think they won't believe in me?" 

"What do you mean people believe the Yilling Laozu is back?" 

"What? Been living under a rock?" The man sneered. "The whole Mo family died, then the Ouyang sect massacre, along with the appearance of Ghost General, of course people are shaking in fear of Yilling  Laozu’s return. Keep this portrait with you to be safe. Two coins." 

Wei Wuxian didn't put much thought into the Ouyang sect massacre. Though he was worried how people will receive the news of seeing Ghost General, he didn't think they'll believe in the return of Yilling Laozu. Dumbstruck Wei Wuxian looked at A-Yuan and A-Yuan looked back at him. They looked at each other as if they were both asking, 'what do we do now?'

"Yuan gege!" a child's cry brought him back from his spiral of lost thoughts. He found a small girl running to his boy, wrapping herself around his leg just like his little A-Yuan used to. 

"Mianmian!" A-Yuan cheered, taking her in his arms with tremendous joy. He hugs her, ruffles her neatly styled hair, rubs their cheeks together and Wei Wuxian wondered where he heard that name before. 

"Wangji ge!" Another girls voice caught his attention. The girl in question is a lady in her late twenties with average cultivator robes. On her waist hung a sword to indicate her cultivation. She called Lan Zhan "Wangji ge'. No-one called Lan Zhan Wangji ge, at best he heard them say Wangji xiong. Wei Wuxian felt an unreasonable irritation at the name. It just didn't suit her voice. Belatedly, it occurred to Wei Wuxian that it was a woman being casual with Lan Zhan. Which could mean one thing. 

"Luo Qingyang?" He blurted out loudly. He doesn’t recognise her, neither does he think they've ever met. A timid looking lady like her becoming friends with Lan Zhan didn't make sense to him. 

The lady looked at him with odd eyes, then she glanced at A-Yuan and then back to Lan Zhan. 

"Why.. are you… here….?" She slowly asked as if she was still processing what was going on. The man beside her gave a leisurely hug to A-Yuan, and A-Yuan didn’t mind. 

"Keeping company," Lan Zhan promptly answered, "a friend." He introduces Wei Wuxian as. 

"So Wangji da-ge has finally made a friend!" The man with her exclaimed with pride. "I told you he could if he wanted." He spoke as if they've placed a bet on Lan Zhan making friends. 

"Xiong, what could your name be?" The man extended his hands for a possible hug as if they were old buddies. The big smile on his face never fading. Wei Wuxian had never felt awkward receiving a hug from strangers before but this man….

 "Aiya! Where's my manners?  This one is named Jiao Taiyang. Qingyang's husband." The man, Luo Qingyang's husband, bows to him. 

"Mo Xuanyu," Wei Wuxian bowed back with his curt introduction. 

"Not that talkative huh?" The man laughed as if Wei Wuxian's short introduction was funny. "Birds of  feather flock together." He laughed even more. 

From his side, he heard Lan Zhan snort. And the old irritation itched his heart. 

Wei Wuxian has never met a man this obnoxious. They've just met, yet the man became so formal with him. Not only that, he could make Lan Zhan snort with his stupid jokes. Wei Wuxian made the funniest jokes yet Lan Zhan never smiles let alone snort. Who could this man possibly be for making the stoic Lan Zhan snort!

"Taiyang xiong, If I start talking you'll beg for me to stop." 

"Oh ho ho, is that a challenge?" 

Before Wei Wuxian could get into an argumentative battle, Lan Zhan came across. He walked past them, towards the lady to have a chat with her. It was probably the first time Wei Wuxian saw him approach a girl, or just anyone in general. "Where do you plan to go next?" 

"I sent a letter about returning." Luo Qingyang said, "There is this silly rumor that the Yilling Laozu showed up in Bailing Ouyang… and…" she slowed down looking back and forth from him to Lan Zhan. Then, all of a sudden, her pupils blew so big that they might fall out of her eye socket. She gasped, holding Lan Zhan by his arms. Her squeaks and excited little jumps confused Wei Wuxian. More or less, he felt annoyed that she was so close with Lan Zhan. Or perhaps it was the fear that Lan Zhan would see her as a better option for a friend, giving Wei Wuxian no place in their life. 

"It's you!" Her elation made the passers-by glance at their small gathering. "Dear, it's him !" 

At that point, Wei Wuxian knew he was busted. What he did to bust him out is still a mystery. Nevertheless, he knows she's someone Wei Wuxian should remember.  

"Baba, why's mama crying?" The little girl in A-Yuan's arms asked. 

"I don't know sweetheart. She's weird, isn't she?" At his remark the little girl giggled which created a chain reaction of A-Yuan and him giggling. Wei Wuxian doesn't know these people, regardless they remind him of a family he once had. 

They're safe, he assured himself. 

"Wei Wuxian, it is you!" Luo Qingyang yelled as silently as she could. The Inn they are in was not devoid of people, however far less concentrated. 

"Ehhh! It's Him?" 

"He is!"

"How'd you know?" 

"How can I not know!" 

The silent excited conversation between the husband and wife gave Wei Wuxian a headache. "Alright, alright, people. It is me. Big surprise. Can we please not attract more attention? " He still has no idea how his murder quest kept getting more and more like a family reunion. 

"Okay." The lady sniffs, wiping her teary eyes. "I'm just so happy." 

"Well, this calls for a congratulatory celebration. Where's our treat da-ge?" 

Wei Wuxian wants to shut the man and his never stopping mouth. What congratulations? What celebration? Why does it feel like everyone knows something he doesn't know? 

"I want chicken!" The little girl named Mianmian, now shifted to Lan Zhan's lap, chirped. Which caused another chain reaction of ordering around food. A-Yuan wanted pork fried rice, Jiao Taiyang wanted noodles, Luo Qingyang won't let Lan Zhan go without wine. And lord they are so loud. How could Lan Zhan be around so many loud people when he grew up in a place where not even a bee buzzed.  

They all calmed down once food was ordered and Lan Zhan was paying. Somewhere along the way, they all fell silent, listening to the little girl sharing her big life experiences to Lan Zhan and A-Yuan. 

Jiujiu, she referred Lan Zhan as. Lan Zhan did not stop at being the best father, he earned the place of best uncle with his tender care and patience. He'd listen to her gibberish and reply as if those were serious concerns raised by a four year old. 

At one point of her gibberish, she said something about marrying A-Yuan that made the whole table laugh, in Lan Zhan’s case, smile. 

Mianmian's way of speaking was so cute that Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but tease. "Aren't you too young to marry A-Yuan."

"Yuan-gege is my husban." 

"Ey- what!" He laughed for the effort she put in her serious face. 

"It's true! Yuan-gege promised he'll marry me once I'm big." She huffed crawling back to A-Yuan's lap. "You promised right!" Her puckered lips wobbled as she waited for A-Yuan to answer.

"Yes, Yuan-gege promised Mianmian." A-Yuan had to wipe the big tears that rolled down her red cheeks. 

Wei Wuxian wanted to joke and ask A-Yuan why he liked Mianmian. At the same time his own voice echoed in his head, " Lan Zhan do you like Mianmian?" 

The face of a docile girl in the damp cave flashed before his eyes. She was crying, offering him a pouch full of herbs. He had his chest roasted like meat. 

"Ah- You're Mianmian!" He pointed at Luo Qingyang.

"Took you long." Said Lan Zhan, giving him the side eyes. 

"How am I supposed to recognise her, she's older now!" 

"Ay! What do you mean older! Do I look old to you?" 

"Mama is old!" 

"No one called me old till now! How is it the first thing you say to me after returning!" 

"A-Yang, we're attracting people again." 

They slowly cleared up the mess that Wei Wuxian's sudden realization created. Luo Qingyang was the Mianmian Wei Wuxian saved in that monstrous cave. Mianmian was a nickname her friends gave her cause she once joked she'd name her daughter so. Wei Wuxian only knew her by her unborn daughter's name. 

There was nothing that could ever make Wei Wuxian understand why Mianmian chose that himbo of a man when Lan Zhan was just beside her. The second best looking young master lived with her under the same roof, yet her eyes caught some other man. 

What if,  Wei Wuxian thought, Lan Zhan really liked Mianmian but Mianmian liked someone else!. 

Poor Lan Zhan. 

Wei Wuxian's chest pained at the rejection Lan Zhan must have felt. Despite being rejected he treated her with utmost respect only a Lan could master. But for some reason, Wei Wuxian didn't feel as bad as one should after knowing their good friends feeling's were not reciprocated. 

Being the way they are, so close and friendly, Lan Zhan and Luo Qingyang spoke of their plans and Wei Wuxian remained silent. Lan Zhan plans to renovate their house to increase rooms and Luo Qingyang is more than happy to agree. They discuss their budget, yearly earnings, expenses and everything that is needed for minimum cost. Had Wei Wuxian been a part of his life, he too could join the discussion. He could add one or two ideas about room replacements, new furniture or barn expansion. Only, he was not a part of their life. He was a guest, there for a few days. Eventually he has to leave. 

"Oh, It must be nine already." Wei Wuxian says. He sat right across from Lan Zhan to see him fall asleep in mid conversation, his head rested on his palm, looking extremely tired. If Wei Wuxian could, he would carry the man in his arms to a soft bed, tuck him in warm blankets with a goodnight kiss on the exposed skin of his temple. 

"It's not nine yet." A-Yuan frowned, checking on his father. After his failed attempt at waking up the man, he checked the cup Lan Zhan was drinking from.  "Gugu! You gave him wine instead of tea!" 

"Did I!" Luo Qingyang gasped once again. "Oh shit." 

"Now what do we do?" A-Yuan helplessly asked.

"Don't worry, I'll manage him." Jiao Taiyang assured. 

Wei Wuxian only stared at their unsteady behavior. They acted as if a great calamityhas befallen. "Why are you so worried all of a sudden? It's not like Lan Qiren will come running with a flag." 

"I guess you don't know." Luo Qingyang sighed an exhausted sigh. "This man is a terrible drunk. He gets drunk in one sip and cries every time." 

"Ehy- Lan Zhan is one of those sad drunks?" Amusement took over him. Although Wei Wuxian would rather eat his arm than watch Lan Zhan cry, he kind of wants to see what kind of drunk Lan Zhan becomes for them to panic so bad.

"It's terrible, I swear." A-Yuan pinched the bridge of his nose. Something tells Wei Wuxian that the poor kid had dealt with his drunk crying father more than once. 

By the time Lan Zhan woke up, Luo Qingyang had rented rooms for them to reside in. She had gone to tuck her daughter in bed, leaving only the men around the table.

Lan Zhan woke up with a grunt. He wakes up, giving everyone a panic. Wei Wuxian waits for the tears to appear, but they never do. 

Those black orbs of Lan Zhan reflected Wei Wuxian's face like a mirror. As if Wei Wuxian's face was something he'd spend his whole life watching. 

"Are you drunk?" Wei Wuxian asked. To him, Lan Zhan looked the same, not even a blush tinted his cheeks. His face was as impassive as always. 

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan recited his name, slowly, carefully. He extended his hand to grab Wei Wuxian's wrist. There was a sloppy attempt at pulling Wei Wuxian to him.

"Ah, yes you are drunk."

Lan Zhan did not respond. His eyes only wandered around Wei Wuxian's face searching for something. 

"Alright xiao-gege, Time for bed! Let's go, let's go." Jiao Taiyang hurried A-Yuan upstairs. "You can bring him to his room," he says to Wei Wuxian wink, "If you can." he added with a smirk.

Wei Wuxian doesn't like him.

"Will he be okay?" He hears A-Yuan expressing his concern. He hears the man giggling, whispering something in his little boy's ears. He watched A-Yuan blush red as he rapidly fanned himself with the paper fan he bought. 

As confused as Wei Wuxian was, he didn't find it unusual anymore. He's been confused since returning, what more can a peculiar married man can do to him.

"Everyone is going to bed, do you wish to sleep now?" Wei Wuxian asked, shaking the hand Lan Zhan was holding. 

"Mn," Lan Zhan promptly stood up, yanking Wei Wuxian from his place. A little too excited for bed, Wei Wuxian thought. No one could tell Lan Zhan was drunk by face only. If one was to see how childish his steps were,  perhaps they'd think something was wrong with his legs. 

"Ribbon," Lan Zhan rubbed his forehead. "I don't have it." 

Does he miss having his ribbon tied around his forehead? However may it be,Lan Zhan adored his clan ribbon. He used to get so angry when Wei Wuxian touched the piece of garment. Now, to hide his identity, poor him has to walk around without his favorite ribbon. Just what made him want to live in disguise?

"Wei Ying, I don't have my ribbon." Lan Zhan's lips wobbled as he whined. It felt like a slap to his face. Lan Zhan looked too adorable while complaining about the lack of ribbon. How could Wei Wuxian, in all conscience, not give him what he wants. 

"Do you like my ribbon," Wei Wuxian untied his hair to hand over the red ribbon he had. 

"Mn, like." As expected, it put a smile on Lan Zhan’s pretty face. "But it's not mine." He returns the ribbon back. "I left mine." His eyes tear down as he speaks. People around them saw two grown men standing awkwardly in the middle of the dinning section, one crying and one watching the other cry. They whispered among themselves, blaming Wei Wuxian for making the pretty looking man shed tears. 

"I didn't do anything." He helplessly tells the people. So this was what A-Yuan meant by terrible ? 

"Er-gege, don't cry." He cupped the taller man's face, "I'll bring you your ribbon, okay?" 

"You will?" 

"Yes I will." 

As Wei Wuxian wiped the tears in Lan Zhan’s  eyes, the darkness in his pupils faded. The black orbs turned lighter and lighter until they shined like melted gold. The color of his eyes reflected Wei Wuxian's face as if he was surrounded by thousand suns, as if nothing shone as bright as him. If given the chance, Wei Wuxian could stare at those honey coloured eyes forever, given the chance, he'd count every fiber in those pupils. Given the chance he'd sit with his feelings and ask, what are you? Why do you make me feel so happy, yet so afraid? What should I do to stop? Or should I stop at all? 

Murmur of the crowd got louder for Wei Wuxian to notice how people might have perceived them with the way they held each other. He had no clue when Lan Zhan had rested his hand on Wei Wuxian's waist, when he had pulled them closer. 

"Er-gege, you sit here and wait. I'll bring your ribbon." 

He made Lan Zhan sit in an empty chair before dashing outside clutching Lan Zhan's money pouch. Perhaps the summertime heatwave made him sweat, perhaps his heart was beating too fast for lack of air. It had nothing to do with how beautiful Lan Zhan looked up close, nothing to do with Lan Wangji’s light coloured eyes or the warmth of his body. 

Outside air didn't help. His heart still drummed in his chest, just as his face stayed warm. He tried to distract himself looking for a white ribbon to give Lan Zhan. Instead of distracting his mind wandered back to Lan Zhan. He imagined Lan Zhan in everything his eyes found interesting. He imagined Lan Zhan in pearl earrings, he imagined him with magnolia flowered guan, he imagined Lan Zhan in  a ginko leaf patterned robe, he imagined the man wrapped in lace and chiffon. And he imagined himself wrapped around the man, illicit with love and passion. 

I want him , Wei Wuxian realized. He wanted the man, not as a friend but as a lover. 

I love him . Heavens echoed in his ears. 

"Oh fuck, I love him?" 

These unknown feelings since meeting Lan Zhan, the warmth and bliss of having him around, were all because he loved the man. 

But it was impossible. Wei Wuxian was not a cut-sleeve. He was always flirting with women. Everyone called him a womanizer. Wei Wuxian blamed Mo Xuanyu for his irrelevant feelings. He reasoned, his desires were due to the sacrifice. Mo Xuanyu’s body will harbor his desires, such as revenge and attraction. It was not him. Those feelings didn't belong to him.  

"Wei Ying," a big warm hand intertwined his. Lan Zhan found him, held him. 

"Er-gege, you-" Lan Zhan was out without his veil mask.The face he hid all the time was exposed to the crowd. Wei Wuxian feared people would catch Lan Zhan, drag him back to Gusu for some punishment. Except for the fact that people around them looked at them with odd smiles, they giggled and cooed but didn't recognise Lan Zhan. How could they? Lan Zhan was not donned in expensive white silk, he did not have his clan ribbon or a sword, nor did he smell as sweet as he used to. The Lan Zhan beside him was wearing gray cotton robes, sandals instead of boots. He smelled like sweat,grass and dirt. 

"Why did you leave me?" The drunk man asked.Wei Wuxian knows Lan Zhan meant why he left him in the Inn. Though, Lan Zhan tired eyes inquired for those thirteen years. 

"I found your ribbon!" Wei Wuxian showed the white ribbon he purchased. It did not have cloud patterns like the inner clan would, but there were gentians embroidered at the ends. 

Lan Zhan's fingers skimmed over the embroidery. At an instant, he smiled, calling it pretty. He lowered his head and asked, "will you tie my ribbon for me?" 

How could Wei Wuxian not when asked so sincerely? It felt silly tying the ribbon Wei Wuxian snatched at a time. The ribbon Lan Zhan gave him death stare for, was offered to him by the same man. The ribbon Wei Wuxian tied was not the same ribbon Lan Zhan treasured, even so his heart beat frantically as if the action itself was sacred. 

In a blink the Lan Zhan he knew appeared before him. With the ribbon over his forehead he looked like an authority figure, someone Wei Wuxian shouldn't dare to touch. With the ribbon he looked like the illustrious Hanguang-jun. 

"You've tied the knot." Lan Zhan voiced. For someone known to be a sad drunk he looked awfully lot happier.  

"Yes, I've tied the knot." Wei Wuxian's smile was beyond his control. Watching Lan Zhan smile gave him heartache mixed with peace. Except the peace doesn't last long. Like before Lan Zhan pulled them closer by his waist. His one hand holding Wei Wuxian's, the other rested over his hips. Their faces are closer than Wei Wuxian would like to mention. "La- Er-gege!" He squeaked,  

Wei Wuxian's brain jumped to the clouds. He is drunk, he reminds himself. Lan Zhan would never act such a way had he not been drunk. "Let go, people are watching." 

"Mn, let's go." Saying so, he lifts Wei Wuxian in his arms. 

"No! I said let go, not let's go!" It was too late for corrections. Lan Zhan had already jumped over the roofs with Wei Wuxian in his arms. The man did not listen to a word Wei Wuxian said,he did whatever he pleased. He carried Wei Wuxian in a watch tower looking over the town. They were lucky there were no guards when they jumped in. 

"Lan Zhan! We can't stay here. What if the guards come in and see you?" 

Lan Zhan shushed Wei Wuxian pressing a finger over his lips. For a fleeting moment, Wei Wuxian wanted to lick the finger, then he remembered, it is why the man used to hate him. "We're hiding from shufu. Don't make a noise." 

Wei Wuxian crouched to label himself with the wall. Lan Zhan made himself smaller in the corner as he peeked over the window. It was, as though a child was playing hide and seek.

"We're hiding from your shufu?" 

"Mn, shufu can't find us here." 

"What will happen if he finds us?" 

Hearing the question, Lan Zhan panicked. He pulled Wei Wuxian closer to his chest, hiding him behind his long sleeves. "He'll take me away from you." 

Wei Wuxian could not bask in the warmth of Lan Zhan's embrace after what he heard. He knows very well that Lan Qiren hated him. He knows Lan Qiren didn't want his nephew to be near him. However, he didn't think there was ever a time where Wei Wuxian felt Lan Qiren taking Lan Zhan from him. "And why do you think that?" 

"He did." 

"When?"

"Last time." 

"Last time?" 

"The last time I saw you." 

The last time… Lan Zhan held his sword against Wei Wuxian. 

The last time… Wei Wuxian attacked Lan Zhan out of rage, out of grief. 

He doesn't remember what happened after he saw his shijie close her eyes. He doesn’t remember how he got back to demon subduing cave. He doesn’t remember if Lan Qiren was there, or whether he pulled away Lan Zhan from him. If he did, Wei Wuxian couldn’t mind. Rather, he'd be glad that Lan Qiren didn't let Lan Zhan be near him. Had he not done that, would Wei Wuxian have killed Lan Zhan as well?

The thought of mistakenly killing Lan Zhan made his blood freeze. He felt his limbs go numb at the thought of holding Lan Zhan's lifeless body covered in blood. 

No, he should not be so close to Lan Zhan. Or A-Yuan. 

Anyone he's ever been close to has died. They died and it was all Wei Wuxian's fault. 

He must excuse himself out of Lan Zhan's life. And if his heart ached, he'll regard Lan Zhan from afar. For the sake of his safety. 

"Ahaha, Lan Zhan, let's go to bed and sleep, okay?" 

Lan Zhan pouted, "No."

"No?"

"No sleep." 

"Why?" 

"Wei Ying tied the knot with me," he cupped Wei Wuxian's face like one held newborn kittens. "Why sleep?" 

There was no doubt Wei Wuxian felt the safest in Lan Zhan’s arms even in the surge of panic, secured in his big hands. He wished he didn’t. "Then, what else should we be doing other than sleep?" 

Lan Zhan stared at his soul through his eyes. Slowly but deliberately, he pulled Wei Wuxian's face closer and closer till the tips of their nose meet. The air vapored between their breaths and oh, Lan Zhan's thumb rubbed Wei Wuxian's lower lip. "We should.." he tried to speak. 

"We should?" Wei Wuxian didn't know why he asked something even a blind person could tell. 

"We should.." Lan Zhan tried once again but hesitated to say the rest. 

"Kiss?" 

And just like that their lips collided. Lan Zhan pressed his lips over Wei Wuxian's,  and Wei Wuxian let him be. It was the sloppiest kiss in the history of kisses, but it was filled with more emotion than Wei Wuxian could name. 

He let Lan Zhan kiss him. He let his emotions explore and found no disgust, no uneasiness in kissing a man. He let his lips be sucked gently by the most beautiful man. He'd let the man destroy him, kiss was just a fraction of his reverence. 

"No!" Wei Wuxian pushed Lan Zhan away. What was he doing? Kissing a drunk man? Taking advantage of his drunken state? How disgusted would Lan Zhan feel when he realized it?  He'll sober up and he'll know Wei Wuxian lured him into the kiss. 

How could he let himself think he was loved back? Why is that, the more he wants to push away these feelings, the more they consume him? 

Wei Ying was guilty for letting himself indulge in fantasy. He was more guilty for pushing Lan Zhan away. The man looked like an abandoned baby on the verge of tears. 

"Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan no- I, I didn't mean to." He didn't mean to hurt Lan Zhan's feelings. But why'd Lan Zhan's feeling be hurt if he had none for Wei Wuxian? What does Lan Zhan feel for him? He wants to know, he has to know. "Don't cry, please."

"You, don't like me." Upset as a three year old Lan Zhan sniffled. Big drop of tears rolled down his high cheekbones and the lips that kissed him so dearly, quivered like jelly. 

How could i? How could someone not like a man like you?

"Oh no, who said that?" Wei Wuxian, despite his fears, got on his knees to smack a kiss on the trembling lips. With the tip of his thumb he smoothed out the tears from his face. "Why is my Lan Zhan sad?" He coo's lifting Lan Zhan's chin. "Who hurt my Lan Zhan, hm?" 

The glassy golden pair of iris under the moonlight reminded Wei Wuxian of the autumn moon. His wet eyelashes sticked together looking like distinguished strands. Miserable or not, crying made Lan Zhan's eyes prettier than before. Wei Wuxian could only show his appreciation by kissing the lid of those magnificent eyes. "Better?" 

Lan Zhan nodded, lips turning upwards to a formation of smile. 

"Hey! Who's there," shouted the guard from the stairs. So long everything was quiet and nice, the stupid guard had to ruin the moment. Wei Wuxian had no reason to fear, Lan Zhan being as amazing as he is, bundled Wei Wuxian up as they jumped out of the watchtower. The thrill of being young and wild awaked in Wei Wuxian's heart. Holding Lan Zhan's hand he jumped from tree to tree, roof to roof. It reminded him of the times in cloud recesses, when Lan Zhan used to chase him for smuggling alcohol. As if miracle, Lan Zhan was now the one drunken and wild, by his side, holding hands. 

Night was still young and people were full of energy. With people watching them jumping around Wei Wuxian couldn’t muster up the courage to play longer. He dragged Lan Zhan down to the roads, pretending to be civil. 

He walked back to the Inn they were supposed to stay the night. At the gates he found A-Yuan waiting for his father to return. The boy runs to his father as soon as they are in his eyesight. He takes a concerned look at his father before asking anything.

Before A-Yuan could ask anything Lan Zhan cupped A-Yuan's face. The man kneaded his cheeks as he spoke. "Why are you up so late baobei?" 

Being the best father, obviously he'd call his son with sweet nicknames. Wei Wuxian is mad that he was surprised. He had so many feelings about the nickname that he had to clench his heart. 

The boy whose face has been kneaded like dough blushed red, though happy to be where he is. He made an futile attempt to stop his father from squishing his cheeks. "Baba," he whined. 

"Looks like your baba is a little too happy to see you." Wei Wuxian murmured.

"Did something happen?" 

A-Yuan's piqued interest reminded him what he's made Lan Zhan do. Though he can excuse Lan Zhan with a drunken accident, he absolutely can not tell his son that he kissed his father. 

"Nothing sort of, we were… playing tag. Like good old days." 

"Is that so?" 

"Yeah," 

A-Yuan didn’t look satisfied with the answer, but he accepted it without a fuss. "I'm saying just because. A-die can't really remember anything when he sobers up." 

"You mean…" 

"He'll probably not remember your game of tag ."

Wei Wuxian couldn’t tell whether he was relieved or upset. He should be relieved that Lan Zhan won't ever remember kissing Wei Wuxian, and yet. And yet he is upset that Lan Zhan won't remember kissing Wei Wuxian. The memory now solely lives with him and him only. 

He glanced at Lan Zhan to find him back asleep while standing. Poor little man, Wei Wuxian tired him out to his limits. A-Yuan picked out dry leaves from his hair before reaching out to the ribbon. "Silly," he mumbled to himself. 

A-Yuan, the responsible child, takes his father to his room,tucking him to bed. Wei Wuxian finds himself jealous. For all the stupid reasons, he liked treating Lan Zhan like a baby. He liked taking care of Lan Zhan, asking him why he was sad, kissing his sadness away. 

"We're short on budget, you'll have to either sleep with me or my father." Says A-Yuan as soon as he finds him. 

"I have to what now?" 

"Sleep."

"With who?" 

"Whomever you want?" 

Wei Wuxian wants to be a good adult, a kinder adult. An adult that does not get in a meaningless fight with a literal fifteen year old. But sometimes A-Yuan makes it hard for him. 

"Why do I- A-Yuan I don't think I understand." 

"Which part of it do you not understand?" The kid went back to showing his attitude. "We're short on budget so the three of us are going to sleep in the same room. Since there's only two small beds, you have to share with either of us." 

"Why do I have to share? You can sleep with your father and I can take the bed. And again, I don’t need a bed. I don't even need a room." 

"And once again, where are you going to sleep? Above the roofs? In the trees?"

"You're so rude whenever your father is not watching." 

A-Yuan glowered at him with hands on his hips. The posture, the stance, his authoritative little expression, all of it was awfully lot familiar to Wen Qing. Had she been alive people would have mistaken them as mother and son. "Ah whatever," the boy disregarded his temper with a sway of his hands. "Wanna drink?" 

"Not in the mood for tea." 

"Not tea, silly." 

"Then?" 

"Wine, what else?" 

A-Yuan was beyond Wei Wuxian's understanding. The sweet little boy at times looked too innocent for the world. Then the next moment he's bossing Wei Wuxian around and the very next moment he's inviting for a drink…. Wine, liquor, alcohol.

"Didn't your father get angry for drinking last time?"

"He will if he knows." He gave a mischievous smile as he dragged Wei Wuxian outside. "He won't, if he doesn't know." 

There's a huge contrast between the father and son's alcohol tolerance. Logically it makes sense since they are not related by blood, still there should be at least some similarity between them and drinking habits. If there was one, it was becoming a completely different person. 

Though A-Yuan was fifteen, he had a pretty high alcohol tolerance for his age. Then again Wei Wuxian was no different when he was of the boys' age. Still a bit awkward to see the boy who he carried with one hand, drinking like a fifty year old uncle.

"Wine here is really great!" The boy exclaims having tasted a variety of wines. "Back in Bailing, they only had wheat root wine. Try out this, it's plum wine." 

The small jars around their table would give Lan Zhan a heart attack. Not because his son was spending too much on wine but because it was too much wine.As concerned as he is, Wei Wuxian thinks it's okay to be a little mischievous. It's not like they are doing a crime or something. The wine A-Yuan gave was sweet in taste, earthy to smell. Though it was a good wine, nothing could beat the mellow taste of Emperor's smile. "Once I'm free from my shackles," Wei Wuxian says, "I'll buy you a jar of Emperor's wine from Gusu. It's the best. I know you'll love it." 

"Why don't we go there together, You, me and A-die?" A-Yuan asks, pouring him another cup. It was rhubarb wine judging by the tangy sweet flavor. 

"You can't be wandering around with me all the time. And your father has duties to do." 

"Why not?

"A-Yuan," Wei Wuxian never learned to tell A-Yuan to leave him. Be it as a kid or an almost adult, he doesn't know how to tell him that it's not safe to be around him. "You need to stay with your father." 

A-Yuan sipped from his cup. Silently, he tapped the table with his knuckles as if to distract himself. After a pause, he says, "Why don't you want to stay with us?" 

"I can't-" 

"Why can't you? I want you there. Father wants you there. Why do you keep speaking of leaving when you just returned?"

"A-Yuan it's-"

"Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know the person you want doesn't want you back? Why do you think we're out here with you? To enjoy? No! We are sticking along to make sure you make it alive and that you return home." 

"A-Yuan you're drunk." Wei Wuxian tries to take the jar away from him. The little boys' little voices had already attracted too many people. He wouldn’t want people to think bad of A-Yuan. 

"I'm not drunk. I'm sad."  saying so, A-Yuan teared up. "I'm so indescribably sad. It hurts when you say you're not coming back home. I feel alone. I'll be so lonely if you don't. I want us to be together like a family but," he sobs a little too loud and Wei Wuxian disregards the gossip near him. He's glad that none were blaming A-Yuan for acting out. People pointed fingers at Wei Wuxian just as they used to. They called him a bad father, a man who doesn't value his wife and children, a man having an affair and what not. 

He muttered to the boy,"I'm sorry." 

And they both fell silent. For Wei Wuxian didn't know how to respond to A-Yuan's words. He understands the attachment a child can have. He knows, somethings are better learned the hard way. The poisonous side of him kept telling him to break A-Yuan's heart, to teach him not everyone you want is going to stay. But Wei Wuxian was not poisonous. They were merely thoughts. He didn’t have to act them out. He doesn’t have to break the kid's heart. He doesn’t have to teach a kid what losing means when  he's lost his family just as Wei Wuxian did.

Wei Wuxian can't hurt A-Yuan. 

"Gongzi, make up with your son," the lady in charge of serving cites. "And enjoy our wine." Of course, all of it for better sale. 

Before Wei Wuxian could tell her A-Yuan was not his son, the boy rejoined, "Give baba a jar of mijiu." 

His stomach churns in a horrible way. The acidic feeling inside his stomach crawls up to his throat, creating a lump in there. His eyes stings from the lights of chandelier and hundreds of candles. The whispers around him pricked his ears. 

Baba , Wei Wuxian used to call his own father. 

Baba, A-Yuan called Wei Wuxian. 

It's an act , he tells himself. It was all an act, he knows, yet, he wants to be called baba . 

"There's going to be a shadow play in the bridge side tea house." A-Yuan says getting up from his seat. He puts the money pouch near Wei Wuxian’s cup as he leaves for the gate. "I'd be grateful if you watch it." 

Chapter Text

Pristine jade tarnished by flames of sin. White clouds once pure, tattered in blood. The tale of light bearing lord overthrown by his yearning for a heathen speculator. 

The one who thawed the frost in his heart, the one to coax tranquility in his silent abode was the one to bring his demise, the malevolent Yilling Laozu.

Did the Yilling Laozu bewitch Hanguang-jun? Or did the knowledgeable Hanguang-jun willingly kissed bringer of death?

Neither was it sorcery nor was it will. It was when one young heart met another, intentions unfulfilled. 

When the scent of lotus blooms infused with magnolia blossoms greet. 

Beneath the silver moon two souls meet and dance. 

Enchantment, enthralment, euphoria, and fondness began.

Silver eyes searched for the golden ones. Youth arose when met once. 

'Round the corner, in the line of sight, behind the bookshelves, across the road, beside the study, above the branches, under the sun, moon, and rain, they longed, they met, they smiled, they loved. 

Spring turns to summer, and summer turns to winter. Separated by miles only brought them closer.Letters of Yunmeng reached Gusu. 

Warmth sent in ink and paper. 

Yet, the heart ached to savor.

Deceiving the eyes of deans and mates, secretly did they ask for fate. 

Fate; cruel and gore, brought them together and pulled them apart. 

In a cave where eclipse befalls. 

Together, as they wanted, only to be at the verge of death. Together, as they wanted, only to lose what they always had. 

Fate; cruel and gore, lost and mourning. Emotions misplaced from one to another.

Agony, revenge, anger, hatred took over a pure heart. The heart once young and hopeful was never to be found. Once adored youth raised fear in every ground. 

Amidst the darkness light did not dissolve. 

Wrong and right, mattered not when love was in plight. 

Hanguang-jun, loyal to his heart.

The alleged fearsome Yilling Laozu was once again loved. 

A love so strong was not easy to hide. Caught by masters, shunned by pride.

Fate, oh fate. How cruel it is. It brings souls together only to rip. 

Ripped apart was the man he loved. Ripped apart was his soul. 

Saving the man he loved, did the light bearing lord lost his own light. 

Who knows where his body lies, who knows where his soulmate cries.

Vengeance, waiting to bare his teeth.

Perhaps sharpening his claws for fresh meat.

When time comes, Yilling Laozu will rise again. 

When time comes, he'll seek revenge.

For his love, for his lover .

Shadow figures disappear behind a red curtain. The story ends with murmurs of young men and women. Among the juvenile glees, Lan Wangji stands frozen as steel. The only other person as speechless as him was the one he came looking for. Wei Ying, whom everyone knows to be exceptionally verbal, still as stone. They stood there far apart from each other, absently gazing at the obscure screen. The screen where the shadow figure of Yilling Laozu and Hanguang-jun embraced each other in a particularly passionate hug. A screen that showed showed Lan Wangji’s wildest dreams and desires. What would a sane person do in the given situation? For Lan Wangji, he wanted to pull off the very ground that held the screen still. 

It felt like a nightmare. A bad joke. Where Lan Wangji gave his all to hide his feelings, the world was telling tales of his miserable life, a love that brought his 'demise'. Might he find the author… 

"Ah- Lan Zhan!" The broken voice of Wei Ying brings him to his senses. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be sleeping? Aiya, you fell asleep standing, and now what?" 

As always, Wei Ying pretends to be not affected. Though from his resigned voice, Lan Wangji gets a feeling that he is disgusted. If not disgusted, then, uncomfortable at best. Anyone with the sanity of a normal human would feel uncomfortable to speak with a person they found themselves being paired with, in an illicit manner at that. 

"I-" Lan Wangji found it hard to speak. His mouth was dry and voice groggy. He didn’t know whether to look at Wei Ying’s forced smiles or the screen that destroyed the bond he had so hardly built with him. 

"First time seeing this too,huh?" Wei Ying huffed, relaxing his posture. He stands beside Lan Wangji, directing himself towards the Inn. "Your son suggested I should see this show. And honestly, I understand what misconceptions he might be having about us." 

They walked side by side on an almost dark road. A few lanterns light up the road as they find their ways back. Though it was past midnight, there were more people than back in the towns of Bailing. In the contempt of wanting to be alone, he didn't want to leave Wei Ying’s side. 

"I apologize on behalf of him." Lan Wangji managed to utter.

"Don't, please." Wei Ying chuckled. "Well, we just have to tell him whatever it is, it's all blasphemy. How did people come to that conclusion that.. ahem we were like that!" He scratched his neck, and Wei Ying always scratched his neck when he was uncomfortable. "We weren't even friends back then. You didn't even speak to me."  pinching the bridge of his nose he adds, "I'm sorry you had to see this. I don't understand how I always manage to besmirch your name." 

"You didn’t." Lan Wangji blurted out. 

" I did! Look what people made of us, of you." 

"The fault lies with the general people." 

"No, I must have done something for them to think that I bewitched you. They think you're dead and they think you died to save me. When in reality you-" He stops midway, pointing to Lan Wangji in an accusing manner. "Agh- forget it. It doesn't matter anymore." 

He walks ahead of Lan Wangji,fast in steed. Lan Wangji, with all the burden of guilt and regret, fails to keep up. He wished this didn't happen. He wished this night to be a nightmare, he wished to wake up. Except it was all too real. Only the unfamiliar ribbon around his wrist keeps him reminded, this is reality…

When in reality you held a sword against me…

When in reality you hated me for the path I chose..

When in reality you were a coward who couldn’t show his true feelings..

Wei Ying has all the reasons to hate him. He had all the reason to leave him alone. In every blink Wei Ying was going further and further away from him. He was so far that even if Lan Wangji reached out his hands he wouldn't be able to hold him. 

As the tale quoted, "fate cruel and gore",  one  misery accompanied another. As if his increasing anxiety was not enough, a harsh sound of whip against skin provoked a memory he feared. He could tell the whips were against a horse skin, a horse being tether to the correct path. He knew, he knew it was not those people with a whip. He knew it was not him being whipped. Yet it ached.

His body reacted to the sound of whipping. His mind replays the memories of disciplining whip slicing his skin. The phantom ache of skin being torn apart, of spine cracking beneath his flesh, of loss and regret, all of it comes back. He sees nothing but his own blood, red and too dark to be considered alive. He finds himself back in  the ancestral hall, surrounded by his elders, his uncle and brother. Their faces too blurry to be recognised but pain so fresh and clear. 

He stops breathing altogether. Something similar to death but not dying either. Dark, red, and dark. Noise, too loud. Light, too harsh. It hurts everywhere. 

"Lan Zhan," his ears hurt but the voice soothes down his nerves. He could feel his scalp being rubbed by soft hands. His hand, squeezed tightly by another smaller hand. Warmth of a person too close for his liking. Slowly, so painfully slowly, his vision clears. He finds an unfamiliar face looking at him with concerned eyes. 

"Is it fine now?" The person says. The person… 

"Wei Ying?" 

"Yes, I'm here." He squeezed Lan Wangji’s hand a little tighter. 

Right, Wei Ying was back. He was with Wei Ying. Wei Ying and him were together, on a road. He malfunctioned, stopped breathing and… he doesn’t remember what happened next. He looked at his surroundings, wooden walls and red candles, unfamiliar dusty furniture and them sitting on an unfamiliar bed. 

"We're back to your room," Wei Ying provides, given how confused he might have looked. "The Inn, rental room, remember?" 

"Mn," he nods. 

"Good." Wei Ying exclaims with a big smile. Lan Wangji dwells on the teeth that appear as he smiles. Though not for long. Wei Ying scrambles across the room to bring him something. 

"Drink up! It's water. Should I get you some tea? The staffs are closing the gates but I can request them to-" 

"No," he sounded hoarse as he spoke, sounding older than his age. Water did its work, clearing his dry mouth and calming his anxious heart. 

"Okay," Wei Ying hesitates to move any further. His eyes wander from left to right, unsteadiness clear in every motion. "Where's that boy of yours! He needs to be reminded of some rules.  What was it? ' Do not believe everything you hear or see without a clear ground' or something. Aiyaa, I'm going to find that writer and give him a piece of my mind. Honestly people have to be another level of crazy to think the Hanguang-jun was in love with the Yilling Laozu of all people. The things people do for attention. Why do others even believe that?"

He sighed, shaking his head. Wei Ying thinks Lan Wangji fell sick out of disgust. He cannot consider the possibility of Lan Wangji having feelings for him. And the sharp ache returned, with heaviness in his heart. He gripped the cup in his hand and asked, "Why… do you think it's unbelievable?"  

Wei Ying huffed, "Why would people believe it? Back then, if you asked anyone they'd immediately answer Lan Wangji hates Wei Wuxian." 

"How far is this 'back then' from?"

"Hmmm…" Wei Ying taps his chin, slowly sitting beside him on the bed. "since the first time we met? Ca'mon, don't tell me you forgot. You didn’t even speak to me out of annoyance. Jiang Cheng used to remind me every time I got near you. You even punished me for the simplest mistake." 

Those Lan Wangji cannot deny. He didn’t speak to Wei Ying, he'd punish Wei Ying for the mistakes he'd let slide for other guest disciples, he'd avoid being near him. However, behind all those actions Lan Wangji had a reason. Though his actions were not appropriate. "That was when we were fifteen. After that.." 

"After that we didn't even see each oth- oh! After that we met at the archery competition. Remember? I tried to fix your favorite ribbon for you and it got loose and then you were so angry at me, eeek you looked so scary, like you'd kill me." 

Wei Ying giggled as he said those. He spoke as if they were having a sleepover and reminiscing about the past. He sat casually, leaning his back on the headboard of the bed. He continued, "Ahhh Lan Zhan, you even broke your bow in one grip. Not only you, everyone from your team gave me death stares." He picked his fingers as his smile slowly dropped. "You even quit the game out of anger. I never apologized for it. Honestly I was so annoying, I was extra annoying to you. I don't know why. I just…. really liked annoying you… your reactions, your facial expressions.. ahhhh..." 

Wei Ying waved out the invisible fog around them, his usual smile returned though it didn't reach his eyes. 

"After that, the next time we met was back in Wen collateral. I tried to talk to you so many times and You were being grumpy." He said that with a pout so adorable that Lan Wangji wanted to reverse time only so he could be nicer to Wei Ying.

"Though," Wei Ying exhaled, sad and exhausted. "You had your own reasons to be mad. Your sect.. your family and all.." 

"I.." 

"That was the longest time I spent with you!" Wei Ying exclaims before Lan Wangji could even make a sound. "We were stuck in that cave for seven days! Seven days Lan Zhan! I annoyed you for Seven days!" 

"No." 

"No?" Wei Ying laughed, though Lan Wangji did not joke. 

"Well, for the first few days, I was." Wei Ying says as a matter of fact. "You even bit me out of anger!" Then once again, his smile dropped, and his voice lowered.  "You told me I was really an irritable person." 

Lan Wangji wasn't prepared to hear this. Despite always being praised for having a great memory, he couldn’t remember saying something so hurtful to the person he loved. 

"Wei Ying I'm-"

"Don't say sorry!" Wei Ying sushed him, pressing a finger over his lips. "I really was the worst. I admit how I behaved with you was not the best of me. So, it's fine if you hated me back then."

"No, Wei Ying!" Lan Wangji swatted the hand away from his face. He has had enough of being patient. He has had enough of pretending. He can't tolerate Wei Ying degrading himself for how poorly Lan Wangji treated him. 

"Please let me speak." He begs the man to give him a chance to open his mouth and disclose his heart. "Please let me apologize." 

Though his heartbeat starts to increase abnormally, he forces himself to speak. Speaking his heart out was always hard for him, but it's something he always regretted after losing Wei Ying. Despite violently shaking, it is something he must do. "I'm sorry for how I treated you. I was wrong to punish you over simple matters. It was wrong of me to act as if I didn't care. I'm deeply remorseful of what I said to you in the trance of my own emotions. I…" 

God, he is about to cry,

He took in a long breath and exhaled, "I never hated you. Never for once did the thought of hating you crossed my mind. I was annoyed at first but I did not hate you." 

"Then…" Wei Ying murmured. 

Lan Wangji did not have the bravery to meet his eyes. As he spoke he fixed his eyes adamantly on Wei Ying’s hands. He didn’t not know how Wei Ying reacted to his confession nor did he have the courage to. Yet, he continues.

"I.. I did not hate you but…. But I.." he couldn’t say it. For thirteen years he regretted not confessing his feelings, for thirteen years he imagined the many ways he could have confessed, how things would change. Yet, when the moment came.. when fate gave him another chance, he couldn’t make himself utter those simple words. 

"Wei Ying, the story that we saw was not complete blasphemy." 

"What do you mean -" 

"I don't know who wrote the script. I don't know how they know. But it was true. It was true that I longed to see you. I wanted us to be together. I had deep affection for you. I couldn’t show. I did not know how to. You made me so frustrated. I punished you only so I could spend time with you. I tried to be unaffected but…" 

"Lan Zhan?"  Wei Ying’s voice cracked. Lan Wangji felt the cup in his hand crack as well, water spilling down his robes.  The cracked bits didn't dig on his skin, he wished it did. He wished he had some semblance to calm him down from the fear of being hated by the only person he wants to be loved. 

"Please don't hate me." He hated how miserable his voice sounded to his ears. Was he crying? He couldn’t tell. "Wei Ying, I know you don't desire men the way you desire women. I understand if you feel disgusted by how I feel for you. But please… I beg you. Please acknowledge my feelings. Please respect how I feel for you. I…" 

He was out thrown by a sudden hug. It took him a moment to realize that Wei Ying was sobbing on his shoulder, hugging him tight. "What the fuck," he said sobbing. "What the fuck are you even  talking about." 

"I.." 

"Fuck stop!" Hugging him tighter, Wei Ying cursed. "Just stop, Lan Zhan. Please, don't apologize to me." 

Lan Wangji kept quiet. He didn’t know what else to say other than 'I'm sorry.'  

Abruptly Wei Ying pulled out of the hug, and abruptly he pressed his lips over Lan Wangji’s. Unforeseen, Lan Wangji could not tell what was happening. He reminded himself Wei Ying had pressed his lips over his,  sucking them with passion. Even so, it didn’t cross his head that he was being kissed. 

With a 'pop' sound Wei Ying let go of his lips. He cupped Lan Wangji’s face, rubbing his cheeks with his thumb. He noticed red lines in Wei Ying’s eyes and wet cheeks indicating how much he cried. 

"Hate you? Are you out of your mind?" His brows were frowned, was he angry? He looked angry at Lan Wangji.

"I'm sor-"

"Shut up! Shut up. Oh god Lan Zhan! If you say sorry again I'm going to-" He doesn't say what he'll do but from his facial expression Lan Wangji could tell it'll make him extremely angry. He can't make him angry. If he angers Wei Ying will he be punished to be left alone again? No, he can't…

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying called his name in a more calmer tone. His facial expression softer than before. Inhaling a lungful, the made whispered, "Sweetheart,If you say sorry again it'll make me sad." 

"Oh," Lan Wangji says, like a fool.

Belatedly, he realized Wei Ying called him sweetheart.

"Oh." 

His heartbeat stopped and  increased once again but this time it didn't hurt. His blood heats up once again, but it only spreads warmth throughout his body. 

And for some reason, for some beautiful reason, Wei Ying’s eyes crinkled to a crescent moon and he giggled with all his heart.  "What?It's not the first time I called you sweetheart." 

Whatever warmth was flowing through his veins stopped in its place. Confused, he asked "Not?" 

"You don't remember what you did to me when you got drunk?" The man laments with a dainty hand over his chest, almost like a damsel in distress. 

A-Yuan had told him how he mistakenly drank wine. How, in a drunken state, he went out with Wei Ying.He wanted to ask Wei Ying what happened after he got drunk. How he happened to have a ribbon tied around his head. And.. why he had leaves in his hair. 

Did he really do something to dishonor Wei Ying? Did he… 

Wei Ying laughed, seeing him in distress. Of course, he was messing with Lan Wangji. 

"Don't worry," he taps the tip of Lan Wangji’s nose. "You didn’t do anything..  except," with a sly smile he scoots closer, almost sitting on Lan Wangji’s lap, which Lan Wangji would love. "You spoke a lot of gibberish." 

"....." Lan Wangji held his breath, unable to figure out what to do.

"Such as, you wanted to play hide and seek and… And we played hide and seek though both of us were hiding and there was no one to seek us. And you were sad that you don't have your ribbon anymore. So, I bought you one." 

Did Lan Wangji really miss his clan ribbon? He doesn't think so…

"And, you kept saying something about tying the knot, tie the knot, we are together, tie the knot." 

Oh..

"Wah- your ears are flaming red!" Wei Ying, quick to notice, grabs his ear without a warning. "Why are you.. what does it mean?" He asked sincerely. "What does tying the knot mean, Lan Zhan?"

It means to marry and tie two souls together . Obviously Lan Wangji can not say that to Wei Ying. Not when he was still uncertain of Wei Ying's feelings.. 

"It's too late, Wei Ying should sleep." Lan Wangji tries to get up from the bed, choosing hide rather facing the situation before him like he always does. Releculently Wei Ying lets go of Lan Zhan. 

"Ahem- yeah, we should… sleep. Where's A-Yuan though. I better get him." 

"He's sleeping in another room." 

"He knew he'd be in trouble." Wei Ying snorts. "Okay, then…" he turns towards the door and hesitates to speak. 

"Sleep," saying so, Lan Wangji blows out the candles and settles himself in the other bed. He didn't want Wei Ying to feel compelled to sleep outside, and he lacked the courage to propose sharing the room after confessing his decade long love. At the same time, avoiding the consequences of his confession. 

What did he fear? 

While the atmosphere is calm and quiet there's yet so much to unravel. 

He just confessed to Wei Ying. He revealed the secret he was going to carry to grave. He did something his teen self would never even dream of. He told Wei Ying how much he loved him….

Or did he? 

As real as it felt, everything still seemed like a mirage. Lan Wangji feared that if he drew closer to Wei Ying, he'd fade away. That he might see  a forced smile thrown towards him. He might see through Wei Ying's act. Amid the intensity of the moment, he struggled to fully grasp what had happened. Factually, he didn't say he loved Wei Ying. And Wei Ying had not confirmed whether his feelings were reciprocated.

Sure there was a kiss. 

Wei Ying kissed him. Wei Ying affectionately called him sweetheart.

Do those things mean he loved Lan Wangji the same way Lan Wangji loved him? Most probably not. Wei Ying might have played along to stop Lan Wangji from blabbering. Perhaps he used endearments like "sweetheart" as he would with any other friend.

Maybe he was just being nice.

For the least, Lan Wangji understands that Wei Ying respects his feelings. Lan Wangji found peace knowing that Wei Ying now knows, in this mortal world there's someone that loves him, and that someone is Lan Wangji. 

Albeit, he couldn't help but wish for more, yearning for more of Wei Ying's affections.  Would Wei Ying be comfortable kissing a man just for the sake of decency? No, Lan Wangji would not want something like that from Wei Ying. 

Just a day ago Lan Wangji was grateful just to have Wei Ying by his side. Just a few moments ago, he had been grateful to have confessed his feelings to Wei Ying. He thought he'd not desire anything more than this. Regardless of his rational thoughts, his heart is a traitor. The more it received, the more it desired. 

He turns his head to Wei Ying’s bed, and finds Wei Ying staring at him across the room. Although taken aback by Lan Wangji's abrupt movement, Wei Ying didn't avert his eyes, and neither did Lan Wangji.

They locked eyes in a wordless exchange, without a hint of sleep. With three steps of distance,he could see Wei Ying’s blank expression as clear as a mirror.

"Lan Zhan," whispered Wei Ying. 

"Mn," 

"The show, that story….How much of it was true?"

"....most of it, except the part where…"

"Where?"

"In the cave, that we.." that they had an intimate physical encounter on the brink of death with a dead monster beside was not true in any sense. He still wonders who wrote the story to be so close to accuracy yet somehow not.

"Oh, ah- other than those, which of those are true?" 

Setting aside their love affair, most of what the story depicted was indeed true. He fears the author might be affiliated with his clan to know his deepest secrets. Even though it sounds impossible. How could anyone within his sect be privy to such knowledge when they couldn't even tell Lan Wangji’s birth date. Unless, the author was his own brother. Despite the high possibility he refuses to believe his brother would expose him to the world in this manner.

"Lan Zhan…" 

"Mostly correct. The tale." 

He heard Wei Ying take a sharp breath. 

"Back then, did you really come to save me?" 

"...."

In a blink Wei Ying scrambled out of his bed, kneeling beside him. "Those scars on your back, they're because of me." 

His face bore an agonized expression, rendering Lan Wangji momentarily speechless. He wanted to hold Wei Ying in his arms, to offer solace, but he couldn't.

Wei Ying continued in a shaky voice, "Did you bring me back to the cave after I lost my senses. Was it you? Your clan, they did this to you for me! I made you like this." His voice trembled, sobbing he dropped his head. 

Lan Wangji breathed in and breathed out,forcing himself out of his frozen state. "It was not your fault." 

Wei Ying didn't look at him. 

Lan Wangji got up and knelt before Wei Ying, he gently implored, "Wei Ying, It was not your fault. Please do not blame yourself. What happened was solely my decision." He tried to hold Wei Ying’s hand, "I do not regret what I did out of love." 

At that Wei Ying stops shaking altogether. "Love?" he asked, looking at him with profound confusion.

He looker beautiful. His big glistening eyes and agape mouth, his delicate yet fragile physique, all of it was beauty enhanced by the silence they share. Lan Wangji fought with his own family for him, how can he not fight his little meaningless fears. 

"I wanted to save you, I want to be by your side because I love you." 

Admitting his love was not as hard as he imagined.

Although Wei Ying’s body stopped shaking, the hand Lan Wangji held did not stop. The tear soaked face then huffed a helpless smile. Resting his head on Lan Wangji’s shoulder he spoke again, "I don't understand. I truly don't. Why me, out of everyone?"

"Wei Ying, you're someone I deeply admire," Lan Wangji replied sincerely.

Wei Ying chuckled softly, "What could there possibly be to admire in me?"

"You are brave, kind, and intelligent. You refuse to let others' judgments define you. When the world turns a blind eye to the oppressed, you stand beside them. I wish I possessed even half your courage." 

"Bullshit!" Wei Ying retorted, locking eyes with Lan Zhan."I should be the one saying those. You, Hanguang-jun, are so kind and gentle.You're smart, strong and reliable. You know," he caressed Lan Wangji’s face gently with his free hand. "At one point in my life, I thought of you as my soulmate."

Leaning on to his hand Lan Wangji affirmed "I still think of you as one."

Getting his affirmation, Wei Ying smiled endearingly soft and wide. He asked, "Can I kiss you again?"

The unexpected smile and question caught Lan Wangji off guard, causing his breath to hitch. It elicited a giggle from Wei Ying, who seized the opportunity to lean in once more. Their lips met, and Lan Wangji, this time, was ready to meet the kiss with equal intensity. They kissed passionately, their mouths melding together fervently. Just as Wei Ying was about to pull away, Lan Wangji swiftly held his head in place, adjusting their mouths for more. Each beat of his heart pumped in his veins, and though breathless, he yearned for more. 

"Lan Zhan I-" Wei Ying breathlessly said in between their fervent kiss, "I think I always annoyed you because I liked you. I've always longed for you without knowing how I felt for you. I- I don't want to sleep in another bed. I want to sleep with you. I want-" 

Lan Wangji didn't have the patience to hear what more Wei Ying had to say. He bit into Wei Ying's lips as he carried Wei Ying to his bed. Wei Ying let out a muffled umfph sound as his head hit the pillow. 

Something wild took over Lan Wangji that he couldn’t stop himself from biting and sucking on Wei Ying’s lips. Even when Wei Ying tried to push him away to breath, Lan Wangji would immediately plunge in.  He felt warm, he felt hot. He felt like melting as if he was kissing the sun. It felt as though summertime wilderness had engulfed him in a luscious delight. Wei Ying’s arms hung around his neck, asking for more. He had never been held this close. 

"That was you right!" Wei Ying said once Lan Wangji moved to kiss his jaw. "Back in the phoenix mountain. The one to kiss me blind fold. It was you!" 

For someone who keeps insisting they don't remember anything, Wei Ying sure remembers a lot. He didn’t think a mere quick kiss from a supposed unknown person would be important enough for Wei Ying to remember. Shame takes over his wild desires. Lan Wangji was too embarrassed to admit it was him. Like a child caught red handed he had to hide his face in the crook of Wei Ying's neck.

"You- who could have known Lan Wangji the virtuous man is actually a pervert." 

"I am not a pervert." Lan Wangji mumbled, not showing his face.

"Oooh, a man who takes advantage of blind folded defenseless virgin man  like his last meal is not a pervert?" 

That made Lan Wangji's ears perk up. He couldn’t help but prop himself up to meet Wei Ying’s smirking face. "Virgin?" he asks.

"That's not the point Lan Zhan. You're shameless. Shame on you!" 

"Wei Ying, you said you've had many battles and it was merely a kiss." 

Wei Ying turned red as he heard those words. "Not only are you shameless but also dumb!" He scolds Lan Wangji, twisting his burning ears. "Why'd you believe the crap I speak? How could you call that 'merely a kiss'! That was my first and the last kiss before everything happened." 

"You…" whatever drop of sanity Lan Wangji had was gone in an instant. If he was wild before, this must be called a feral beast. He could no longer care about decency, all he knew was that he was Wei Ying’s first kiss and first ever person to be this close. He was the first person to touch those lips. He is the first to kiss him over his heart, be held  chest against chest, skin to skin. He is the only one to taste the buttered up skin of his soft belly. 

The knowledge of being the first one to kiss Wei Ying was so overwhelming that the blaze of his heart flowed downwards. It poked Wei Ying's thighs over his robes. The hardness of it was too clear to hide or play off as an excuse. He was aroused and there was no place to hide. 

"Come here, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying whispered, pulling him closer. Lan Wangji had no other option but to oblige. He let Wei Ying slide away his clothes, undoing his waist band knots. The soft tips of his fingers lightly brushing his skin all over. 

Lan Wangji reached his hands to return the favor, asking permission with his gaze at Wei Ying. 

"You don't need permission, you know." Saying so, Wei Ying took off his own clothes. 

Seeing him completely clothless in front of him increased Lan Wangji’s already high blood flow. With how fast his cock stood up, he felt betrayed by his own body. The smirk Wei Ying gave was nowhere near innocent, almost sultry. Lan Wangji knew he had be prepared for teasing but he was just a man. 

"Er-gege," said Wei Ying in his illicit tone.  "Even your dick is beautiful to look at. How pretty," he says slowly, touching the tip of his cock, making his whole body shiver in pleasure. Wei Ying deliberately runs his fingers along the length of his shaft with light ghastly touch. Touching yet not enough.

"Wei Ying!" 

"Oh, look. You're leaking already." He smears the precum along the shaft and looks at him with hooded eyes, his smile so tempting that Lan Wangji feared he might come solely from this. He clenched his fist to be restrained, his jaw clenching.  Seeing this,Wei Ying held his hand. He guided Lan Wangji’s hand to his own hardening cock saying, "Why don't you touch me too, Hanguang-jun." 

Restrain be damned, as soon as he saw Wei Ying's cock jerk with a simple brush of his fingers, he knew he had lost it. Without much care, Lan Wangji grabbed the length of Wei Ying's cock rubbing his thumb on its head. Wei Ying yelped at the sudden pressure, his whole body turning red with pleasure. How could anyone resist a sight this beautiful, how could anyone not fall in love all over again. 

"Gentler, Lan Zhan. Be gentle!" 

Kissing Wei Ying slowly does he properly stroke Wei Ying. His mouth never leaving Wei Ying's lips as he kept fondling his dick with love and passion.

Beneath him Wei Ying mewls, urging him to stroke faster while he follows Lan Wangji's peace. He grabs both their lengths together, rubbing their flesh, smothering cum all over. It was a mess, and Lan Wangji loved the view of Wei Ying all messed up like this, beneath him, within his arms, moaning and wanting. 

Waking up to Wei Ying’s face was one of  Lan Wangji’s fever dreams. Little did he know, one day he'll be waking up feeling loved and whole, one morning he'll find himself draped in Wei Ying's arms, bathed in his fragrance. 

Their previous night was no less than a fever dream. If he didn't wake up to Wei Ying's face and the remains of what they did, he'd easily believe he was dreaming. 

After their lovemaking,they both fell tired after reaching their first climax. The white bits smeared over their bodies long since dried, none of them cared to clean up. 

They should have, it smells bad. 

He wiped himself up to be presentable but when it came to Wei Ying he didn't know what to do. For one, he was still deep asleep, and two he was alluringly beautiful. Lan Wangji did not have the heart to wake such a sleeping beauty. For all he could do was to stand in awe, be fascinated by the smallest movements of his plush lips, flutter of his eyelashes and twitch of his nose. 

The word "bunny"crossed his mind and he had to force himself from kissing Wei Ying once again, for if he wakes up.

As he sat beside him, he could hear Wei Ying's stomach growl. Much to his fascination, Wei Ying curls up to a ball telling his stomach to shut up. Others might find it funny, Lan Wangji wished he could too. 

However funny it may sound to others, Lan Wangji could never forget how much hunger Wei Ying had dealt with. He was malnourished, boney and skeletal for a reason. 

Is this how he used to handle his hunger? Telling his basic physical needs to shut up? 

While ordering breakfast and bath water to be sent, Lan Wangji found his son picking sunflower seeds and stuffing them in his mouth like a little hamster. As soon as the boy noticed his father, he hid himself behind his hands. 

As if.

Lan Wangji sometimes wonders what goes through his head.

"Had breakfast?" He asks approaching.

"Ah- hahaha, it's ten in the morning, almost time for lunch." A-Yuan swings up from his seat, pointing out the windows. "And my dear father asked me if I had breakfast?"  

"A-Yuan,"

"Yes. Yes, I did." 

"And," 

"And what?" He feigns innocence as if he knows nothing. 

His boy is too adorable to be scolded, but it must be done one way or another. 

"You drank last night."

He makes a betrayed face as he yelps,"Wh- did Wei gege told you that?"

"No. I could smell it. And that's not what I'm mad about A-Yuan."  Sitting side by side, he picks the rest of the sunflower seeds. The Inn in the morning was surprisingly quiet, he could freely have a conversation with his son. "What did you tell Wei Ying in a drunken haze?" 

A-Yuan eats the seeds Lan Wangji held near his mouth. Pouting, he says, "I was not drunk."

"Then," 

"I just… I got angry. He kept talking about leaving this, going away that, can't be a bother and what not." He exasperated his hands almost slamming the tables. "I mean, what did we ever do to make him think that we are bothered? Just why does he act like we don't want him, that you don't want him." 

Lan Wangji understands A-Yuan's frustration not only as his father but also as someone who longs for Wei Ying's company. He was fifteen too once, he could also not control his anger. He pulls his son closer by his shoulder, as one does with a friend. Patting his head to calm him down, Lan Wangji says, "Why don't you try to understand him from his perspective."

Knowing whatever A-Yuan knows of Wei Ying's past is full of false information, he adds, "Wei Ying had been told he is a bother to have around for all his life. He thinks of himself as someone who brings nothing but trouble and ill fate. Circumstances couldn’t prove him wrong." 

"But A-die," Gloomed by the reality A-Yuan tries to point out, "You were there for him right?" 

Lan Wangji could not help but sigh. A-Yuan's head was full of misinformation that he wanted to hold a whole lecture about it. "I was not." 

"But,"

"A-Yuan, that play is not an oracle of our past. It's fiction written with fantasy. I was not my best with Wei Ying."  A-Yuan's face gloomed further. His helpless look hurt to see.  "But, I wish to be." Lan Wangji added with a smile. "I believe some conflicts between us are solved because of what you did." 

The gloomy face brightened up instantly. He smiles at Lan Wangji with hopes and dreams, excitingly exclaiming, "Really?" 

"Mn." Lan Wangji agrees, perhaps blushing a little as well. 

"Really!" 

He doesn't know what kind of idea he's giving his son with his blushes. He pinches A-Yuan's cheeks making him whine like a baby. "However, what you did could have been done in a better way. You must apologize to him." 

"Everything worked out fine.Why must you pinch my face."

His question reminded Lan Wangji of why. "When I was young," he says, still squishing A-Yuan's face in his hands, "my mother used to tease me like this." As a kid he couldn’t understand what ecstasy his mother found in it. Then one day, his hands brushed A-Yuan's dumpling-like cheeks, and the answer came to him like an epiphany. 

"It's the first time you've ever mentioned your mother or any family member at all." A-Yuan emphasized in bewilderment. He places his hands over Lan Wangji’s, holding them lightly. He smiles a precious smile, stating,"A-die, you're really happy." 

There was no force that could stop Lan Wangji from smiling back. He could feel the side of his eyes crinkle and the corner of his lips turn up. 

He was happy. 

The staff around the inn awed by their open display of affection coo'ed. Some even shed a tear. Baffled by their reaction, A-Yuan jumped away, blushing like a ripe tomato.

"I'll go look around the town. Don't worry about me! I'll return soon. Bye." 

A-Yuan may act mature considering his age, but he was still a kid at heart. Or a teen embarrassed to be treated as a baby in public. 

Lan Wangji hoped Wei Ying would be awake by the time he returned back to room with breakfast. The servants filled the tub with hot water, making a good amount of commotion for a sleeping person to be disturbed. But it was Wei Ying in question. Simple commotion is apparently not enough to wake him up. 

"Wei Ying," he calls sitting on the bed. On the other hand Wei Ying curls in the blankets saying five more minutes. Lan Wangji pulls the blanket slightly only to be flashed by exposed glowing skin and bite marks left by none other than himself. The crook of Wei Ying's neck, the blades of his shoulder, the dips of his collarbone were full of bite marks and purplish blood clots from sucking and kissing. Just the sight of less than half of his body was enough to arouse Lan Wangji, how awful would it be if he pulled off the whole blanket. 

"Wei Ying," he called, reminding himself of decency. Wei Ying's whines and moans didn't help at all, it did the opposite in fact. 

"Wake up." 

He mayhaps spoken harshly for Wei Ying to flung up in surprise. As soon as he understood it was Lan Wangji calling him, his wide eyes dropped back as his shoulders relaxed. 

Lan Wangji wished he could call himself relaxed.

The blanket that covered Wei Ying's bare body was no longer in its place. It's pooled down to the naked man's lower abdomen where trails of light coloured hair began to darken. Yes, he saw Wei Ying naked last night, he touched those places last night. Even so, it was not the same in bright daylight. Somehow, Lan Wangji felt more shy to look at Wei Ying, the same person who jerked him off like his life depended on it. 

What if Wei Ying finds it creepy? To stare at someone's naked body without their permission is a lecherous behavior. 

"Bathe first, then breakfast." He says, inclining his head to the opposite direction. 

"Bath…" Wei Ying repeats in his hoarse morning voice. He was not helping at all. 

Wei Ying rubbed his eyes, yawning. "Ah-" he gasped all of a sudden. Alerted by the gasp, Lan Wangji glanced at him. "Lan Zhan," Wei Ying utters, lost in thought. "We.. you.. last night.. did we?" He murmurs incoherently.

Lan Wangji's blood froze in fear. Was Wei Ying drunk? Was he not sober when he confessed, did all those things. Was all of his hopes really going to crumble like sand. 

"Oh god Lan Zhan," Wei Ying flung himself over Lan Wangji. "I was joking with you." 

Heavens give him strength. He almost cried. "Wei Ying, don't joke like this." He almost lost his breath.

"Sorry, sorry. Forgive this one for his bad jokes." Wei Ying sat back, not caring to cover up. Tapping his nose he hesitantly says, "It's just, you were not looking at me, so.." 

"I want to look," Lan Wangji answers, fixing his gaze on Wei Ying’s dishevelled hair. "But…" 

"Oh! Are you shying away because I'm naked now?" 

Lan Wangji nodded looking away. 

"Why, you saw everything last night. So did I." After a brief pause he adds, "Although it was dark without any candle light, and whatever light came from outside…. It's fine you don't have to force yourself." 

"I want to,"

"Huh?"

"I want to look at Wei Ying." Shifting his gaze away once again, "If, I have the permission to…" 

Wei Ying breaks into laughter. "My decent gentleman Hanguang-jun," he laughs a little more. From his periphery, he notices Wei Ying donning his red inner robes. "Says the same man who kissed the helpless Yilling Laozu without his permission till his knees wobbled." 

He'll never hear the end of it. 

"I know what I did was wrong."  Out of shame and embarrassment, Lan Wangji sees himself out of the room. "Call me when you're done." 

Why could he not pin Wei Ying on the mattress like he did back in phoenix mountain? 

Made his knees wobble…. Lan Wangji surely wanted to. 

Chapter Text

In desperate times, Wei Ying acts as if the world will crumble if he doesn't act at an instant. He won't listen to his comrades, his brother or sister. Lan Wangji had not hoped Wei Ying would  listen to him either. So when A-Yuan came with a letter threatening Wei Ying with his nephew's life he didn't waste a breath to throw himself in an obvious trap. 

"If you want to see your nephew alive, come to the dead man's forest as soon as possible." -said the letter.

The letter is addressed to Wei Wuxian, in a world where no one was supposed to know his presence. To call him in the dead man's forest is nothing but alarming to Lan Wangji. Regardless, who is he to stop Wei Ying. Trying to stop Wei Ying has been, and always will be, a futile attempt. The best he can do is go along and fight with him.  Despite his fears, he knows, not a single soul can hurt his Wei Ying, unless Wei Ying hurts himself like he had done before. 

Lan Wangji's fear resides in his son. 

He loves his son. He knows A-Yuan is strong and lives to be independent. However, the situation is different from the difficulties they used to face. He can't leave A-Yuan behind, he didn't want to bring him along either. 

Not that his wish matters much to these two individuals.

A-Yuan is no different from Wei Ying when it comes to being stubborn. Just as Wei Ying, it will be futile to ask him to stay behind. 

In the end the three of them flew to Qinghe on bichen. The place where they landed was supposed to be the Nie clan's ancestral tomb, a burial ground. Thanks to their peculiar way of cultivation, Nie clan's graves are full of resentful energy. And thus the eerie naming of what is supposed to be a holy ground. 

"Be careful," he said to A-Yuan as soon as they set their foot on the ground. Before he could seath Bichen in its scabbard, he hears A-Yuan scream. 

"A-Yuan!" Wei Ying and him shouted in unison. The boy was not where he was a blink ago. They find him hanging upside down higher up in a tree, getting dragged further and further away from their sight. 

When Lan Wangji steeled himself to jump, he discovered himself being coiled by the same roots that were dragging his son away. 

"Fuck, let me go!" Wei Ying cursed. He ripped off the roots from his limbs with his bare hands, something that's not known to be possible for a person this frail. "God damnit, it's my fault- he's- going to- suffer again." He tore off the roots like a feral beast while holding back his tears. 

"Wei Ying, look." Lan Wangji informed him as he cut the roots around him. 

A dark figure jumps from branch to branch, and in his arm was his A-Yuan, secured and safe. 

"Wen Ning!" Wei Ying cheered. 

Watching Wen Ning rescuing A-Yuan calmed both of their panics. Only then could they think of what to do. As Lan Wangji freed Wei Ying's wrists with Bichen's help, he took his flute and played an ear piercing tune. 

Lan Wangji does not know enough about resentful cultivation, but he could tell what Wei Ying did is not to be considered child's play. The tune that didn't last a breath cleansed the whole forest's resentful energy. 

"Careful-" Lan Wangji catches Wei Ying before he could fall on the ground. He was out of breath and weighed lighter than last time Lan Wangji held him. "Wei Ying, what did you do?" 

Wei Ying turned his head with a smirk, " Isn't it obvious, I saved us." 

Recklessly, Lan Wangji wanted to scold. Scolding Wei Ying will bring nothing but conflict. Scolding him will not undo what he did. Instead, Lan Wangji gently says, "Be more thoughtful the next time."

"But I am thoughtful," pouted the reckless man. 

"A-die, why are you certain there will be a next time?" Chides A-Yuan as the Ghost General puts him down and he limps towards them. 

Holding his son in his arms, Lan Wangji checked for any injuries. Surprisingly, there is no injury other than a bruised ankle, something his golden core can heal in an hour.

“I'm unharmed.” A-Yuan assures Lan Wangji as he adds, “thanks to uh- him.” 

“Him”, is his only other blood relative left on this earth, unfortunately he just happens to have no blood in him. There is awkwardness between them, though Lan Wangji wants his son to have a reconnection with the undead relative, he deems the situation unsafe.

“Wen Ning! I told you to hide!” Wei Ying speaks as soon as he regains his energy. “You were following us? The whole time? What if someone caught you? Nevermind. Thanks to you, our A-Yuan is safe. Do you have any idea of Jin Ling? Seen anything unusual.” 

The timid man could barely keep up with how fast Wei Ying spoke. Not getting a chance to answer the dead one remained silent until Wei Ying stopped. 

“I don't know about Young master Jin.” Says the ghost general, barely audible. He points to their opposite direction saying, “But I saw Master Nie tailing you.” 

“Get him! Now!” 

“Uh-” 

“Catch him and bring him to me.” Wei Ying ordered the man as he pat his shoulders. Without any further ado Ghost General vanished from their sight. 

“Nie Huaisang?” Lan Wangji asked. 

They marched forward without any clue to where Jin Rulan could be. Despite limping, his son strides forward as if his life wasn't at stake a few moments ago. Wei Ying on the other hand looked very thrilled to catch this master Nie. 

“You saw the handwriting right? Does it remind you of anyone?” 

“Can't recall.” 

“Don't kid with me, he didn't attend the summer lectures for three years only for you to forget him.” 

“Ah- Nie Huaisang wrote the letter?” Lan Wangji still could not remember how Nie Huaisang's handwriting was. However, the man who claims to have all his memories blurred, can. Amusing, he'd say. 

“That's why I immediately rushed here.” Given that reason, he can't call Wei Ying reckless. Of course he wouldn't have allowed A-Yuan to tag along if he had sensed any real danger. 

Lost in the trail of thoughts, there comes a dog's barking. At the first sound of bark Wei Ying coils himself around A-Yuan. 

“It's a spiritual dog!” Says his son as the said dog comes into sight. His son failed to catch on Wei Ying’s fear and encouraged the dog to come over. Not a blink later, Wei Ying is hidden behind Lan Wangji, clutching to his waist with all his force, shaking.

“Scared?” Lan Wangji asked out of concern. 

“Scare it away!” His question remains unanswered.

“A-die, he has a Jin pendant on his collar.” A-Yuan kept encouraging the dog to come near them. “Don't scare him away.” 

“Are you out of your fucking mind!” Wei Ying shouted, uncaring of his vocal cords. “Are you seriously petting that beast?” 

“The pendant says Jin Rulan's, maybe he can lead us to your nephew. Are you really scared?”

“No, I'm not scared. I just love pretending like I'm living in a nightmare. God damn it A-Yuan!” 

Lan Wangji might get an auditory impairment with how loudly Wei Ying was yelling near his ears, he might have a few fractured rib cages too for the tight clasp of arms around him. He mistook Wei Ying's frail physique with a lack of strength. 

“A-Yuan” defeated, Lan Wangji had very little to say. 

“Okay, okay! sorry! He's just so cute. Even his name is cute. Fairy!” 

Wei Ying snorts. Although shaking with fear, he has the humor to snort at the name. “Of course it's Jin Ling's dog. Only Jiang Cheng’s nephew will name his beast of dog “fairy.”” 

“It's telling us to go that way.” 

“Great, instead of driving it away we're going to follow it.” Lan Wangji can hear Wei Ying rolling his eyes. 

A-Yuan paid no heed to Wei Ying’s fears. He had jogged further to the central tomb with the dog on tow. Lan Wangji levitates Wei Ying's thighs to carry him on his back. Once he has secured Wei Ying comfortably on his back, Lan Wangji follows A-Yuan.

“I could walk you know?” Wei Ying murmured near his ear.

“Your legs were shaking.”

“I still could walk. You should have carried your son. He was limping.” 

“You don't like it?” 

“I didn't mean- tsk that's not what I want to mean.”

“If you like it, let me carry you. We don't need a reason.” 

“Hmph- you're so difficult to pursue.” 

Though Wei Ying sounded grumpy, Lan Wangji felt the man's smile tickle his nape. 

The spiritual dog leads them inside the central tomb. The buzzing sound of resentful energy echoed around the walls. Fairy the dog fails to locate its master by smell as the whole place smells of rotten flesh. As A-Yuan hides the dog from Wei Ying's line of sight, Wei Ying instructs Lan Wangji to ask the buried sword spirits for Jin Rulan's location; the sword points to a wall. 

Wei Ying knew what it meant. Clawing the wall with bichen, they dug out Jin Rulan's unconscious body. 

Fairy the dog couldn't no longer be stopped from going to his master. He nudged Jin Rulan to wake up, but his master did not wake up. 

Perhaps the dog knew he had no power to help his master, perhaps it was why the loud dog became so quiet that if it did not move, one would not notice its presence. 

All Lan Wangji could say, it helped Wei Ying deal with his fear. Unless it made a sound and kept itself unnoticeable Wei Ying could pretend to have never seen the dog. 

They carried Jin Rulan outside the tomb. Only then could they guise the actual horror. The curse inflicted upon Jin Rulan had spread through his upper body. If they were a few hours late, it would have spread throughout his chest, heart, and.. might result in unforeseen death. 

Lan Wangji suggested they send him to Jinlintai for medical care. At that moment it was the best action to take. For Wei Ying, the brother of the child's mother, desperation was more than a word. At moments when life feels like a fragile sand castle, a person with hero complex would give his own life to save others. 

Wei Ying merely transferred the curse in his body.

“Wei Ying what did you do?” 

Lan Wangji was not looking. He, who swore to always look at Wei Ying, was not looking when Wei Ying transferred the curse in his own malnourished body. Lan Wangji, who swore he wouldn't let a soul hurt his lover, was busy figuring their way out.

“He's safe now.” A manic smile on his face, Wei Ying cheers, “I didn't let her die this time.” 

Wei Ying was no longer there with them. He was lost back in the past. He did not see his unconscious nephew but the late sister bleeding through her heart. 

“Lan Zhan,” the pale face smiles at him, one would be creeped out by that smile. “Everything will be okay now.” Saying so his eyes rolls backwards and the body falls limp on his son's lap. 

“Xian-gege,” his son cries trying to wake him up. “A-die, what do we do now?” 

What do we do now? Had Lan Wangji had an answer he wouldn't be standing there aghast. Watching Wei Ying collapsed on the ground only brought back memories of horrible nightmares. He lost Wei Ying once, and now he was losing Wei Ying once again. 

Feeling helpless, Lan Wangji considers going back to cloud recesses. Go back and beg them for Wei Ying’s life, in return, he will take thirty-three more discipline whips. What else could he do?  Wei Ying just returned, how could he let him go? Dignity isn't as precious as Wei Ying's life. 

“Master Lan,” he hears Ghost General, a thud, a body falls near him.

The man on the ground quickly gets on his knees, and says, “I don't know, I don't know, I really don't know.” 

Lan Wangji could care less. He had held bichen near Nie Huaisang's throat. He grits through his anger, “Do what you must.” 

Considering how foolish Nie Huaisang acts, he knows what will save Wei Ying's life. He takes Lan Wangji to the Unclean realm, to their apothecary through secret passage. Lan Wangji could only carry Wei Ying's unconscious body in his arms. He regrets taking bichen from A-Yuan, it was supposed to be a gift to him. He feels guilty for leaving him on his own. With what Wei Ying did, Jin Rulan wouldn't need any immediate care. A-Yuan suggested that he stays behind with the young boy till help arrives, and told Lan Wangji to immediately take Wei Ying to the medics. Lan Wangji's panic addled mind didn't argue with A-Yuan's suggestion. At times like this, he truly believed that his son has matured more than his age. 

On their arrival, the infirmary had to be emptied. Nie Huaisang assures he will bring his most trusted physician, not a single soul will know of their real identity. In the small amount of time Wei Ying's body burned with high fever, he struggled to breathe repeatedly calling, “Shijie, Shijie” 

The physician of Nie said Wei Ying  was brimming with Yang energy. His core being weak fails to balance the two energies. To wake him up, they have to transfer energy externally. Who is a better candidate for this other than Lan Wangji. Years of saved up Yin energy was to give to Wei Ying only.

“What caused this?” Asked A-Yuan. He had arrived at the sect quicker than expected. The exhausted look on his face makes Lan Wangji want to not share the bitter truths. He says with unmeeting eyes, “Curse transferring.” 

Sitting close to him A-Yuan inquired, “Does this transfer physical pain as well?”

“I suppose.”

A-Yuan falls quiet for a brief moment. His already tensed shoulder, tensed up even more, carrying a baggage heavier than the skies.

“Don't blame yourself.” Lan Wangji patted the boy with one hand while the other transferred Qi to Wei Ying’s core.

“Not blaming.”

“Mn?”

“Blaming myself won't bring back what I lost." the boy sighs like he's not fifteen but fifty-five. “Back in Dafan, he didn't even know me when he transferred my injury into his body. Then he took a fatal curse on him. He knows it'll hurt and yet cares not. It just- it makes me-”

He was trying to avoid the word angry. “Frustrated?” Lan Wangji helps.

“Frustrated!” A-Yuan repeated. “What he does makes me frustrated.” 

Lan Wangji cannot help but smile. “It is to be expected from Wei Ying.” He thinks back to all the times Wei Ying almost sacrificed his life for the sake of others, “That's how he is the kindest person I know.” 

“Ah- damn it Lan Zhan.” He hears Wei Ying speak. His voice weak but he still has the humor to throw upon them. “I was finally going to hear A-Yuan bitch about me.” 

How naive of Lan Wangji to think Wei Ying would die over a  small curse. He is, after all, the grandmaster of all curses.

“Save the humor for later.” A-Yuan covers his face behind his hands, acting as if he is annoyed. The tears, however, slip through. 

“No kidding. Let's pretend I'm sleeping. Start bitching about me. I want to hear.” Wei Ying shuts his eyes off once again as though asleep.

Failing to act annoyed, A-Yuan huffs out a smile. “A-die, tell him something.” he complains like Lan Wangji is an able person to stop Wei Ying from joking around.

“How are you feeling?” 

“.... Alive?” The man had the audacity to laugh. “Okay, don't be mad. I'm feeling better. Aye! Stop it now!” He swats away Lan Wangji's hand from his pulse. “You don't have to transfer anymore energy.”

“But-”

“More importantly, how is Jin Ling? Where is he?” 

“He is fine. Sleeping but fine.” A-Yuan assures with a sweet smile, one that erases any worry from the heart.

“Huaisang? Where is he?” 

As soon as Wei Ying asks for him, Nie Huaisang, apparently the sect leader,appears. “Thought you wouldn't ask.” He chuckles, leaning on the walls.

Wei Ying snaps his fingers and two ghost ladies appear out of nowhere. They hold down Nie Huaisang in swift motion as they smile eerily at Wei Ying, and Wei Ying smiles back. Lan Wangji wonders why is it alway ghost ladies and not ghost men that Wei Ying summons. 

“Wei-Xiong! I thought we're friends.” Nie Huaisang cries trying to free himself from the hold of the ghost ladies. 

“Then explain this.” Wei Ying threw the letter at Nie Huaisang's face, or he wanted to throw it at his face but his weak body could only make it go far near. 

“I'll explain, I promise. Get them off me.” 

His begging works on Wei Ying’s kind heart. Letting go he asks to proceed.

“I saw Jin Ling going into the maze." Answered Huaisang, "I tried to get him out, but by then he was captured in the walls and as you know, I don't have the power to free him from that helltrap.” 

“Nie-Xiong,” Wei Ying smirks. “I'd prefer it if you stopped trying to outsmart me. You know what I mean by explaining.” Wei Ying snaps his fingers again and two other ghost ladies, again ladies, appear as a threat to his life. 

Nie Huaisang smiles. Lan Wangji isnt the best at understanding people, however he would call Nie Huaisang's expression a livid one. 

Nie Huaisang explains from the very beginning. How he knows Mo Xuanyu, how he handed Mo Xuanyu the forbidden scripts confesticated after Wei Ying was gone. And, most importantly, the meek man highlighted, how he was the one for whom Wei Ying was bought back to the realm of living. 

“So it is Jin Guangyao that I have to kill.” Wei Ying summarized. “No, A-Yuan, I did not doubt you.” He coo-’s noticing A-Yuan's dejected expression. He was getting extremely good at catching A-Yuan's emotions. 

“Aside that,” continues Wei Ying, “How did you know about Lan Zhan,  for how long?” This question has been in Lan Wangji's head. If Nie Huaisang knows about Wei Ying, then there's a chance that he knows about Lan Wangji too. Considering Nie Huaisang's thin lips and closeness to his brother, Lan Wangji fears that his brother knew about him all along.

“It wasn't for too long, honestly.” Nie Huaisang fans himself. His subtle eye contact with A-Yuan irritates Lan Wangji. 

“I'd ask sect leader Nie to be honest.” Lan Wangji utters with practiced restraint. “And you too.” He adds pointing to his son. 

A-Yuan laughed nervously. “He's the one who told me to go to dafan.” 

“Ji-xiong! Before you do anything please remember whose plan it was to  bring back Wei Wuxian.” The so-called sect leader defended himself at the top of his lungs as soon as Lan Wangji turned to him. Considering how Lan Wangji was ready to strangle him, he was right to scream.

“You put his life in danger.”

“That was not my plan.” Nie Huaisang fans himself, “but look at how he reunited with Wei Wuxian.” 

Lan Wangji could not deny. That does not mean things could have been done better. 

“I still don't understand,” Wei Ying murmurs. “Why did Jin Ling walk in that ghastly forest? If you knew he was going there why did you not stop him?” 

“For your information, I didn't know he'd really go there.” Nie Huaisang shuts his fan as he continues, “After failing to capture anything in dafan, he was dejected. And guess what? It was Jin Guangyao who suggested him to get in that forest. It was Jin Guangyao who undid the maze for him.  Jin Ling will soon come out of age, he is the legitimate heir of Jin clan. Do you think Guangyao wants him to live? He'll do anything to secure his power, even if it means killing his own son or fucking his own sist-” not giving a chance to finish, Jin Rulan appeared out of the blue, punching Nie Huaisang in the face. Although his punch didn't seem too strong, but for someone like Nie Huaisang it might have hurt. 

“Are you out of your fucking mind!” The child screamed, grabbing Nie Huaisang by his collar. “Do you have any fucking idea what crap you're spweing?” 

Lan Wangji stops A-Yuan from getting up, he doesn't want his son to get in between them. Jin Rulan might have his mother's face but his arrogance and attitude towards people must be credited to his father and uncle. 

“A-ling,” Wei Ying tries to get up from his bed, Lan Wangji wants to stop him too but decides against it. 

“You shut the fuck up.” Yelled the child. “How dare you return back after everything you've done.”

Jin Rulan's face was just as red as the vermillion dot on his temple. Lan Wangji was infuriated by the words he used. But Wei Ying seemed to be ready to let Jin Rulan show the worst of himself. Lan Wangji tried to reason himself, Jin Rulan had rational reasons to hate Wei Ying. 

“Didn't uncle Yao forbid you from interacting with that cut-sleeve!” Jin Rulan turned back to Nie Huaisang, “Yet you're treating him with the best care and what? Planning to murder the person who helped you reach this far with nothing but false accusation?” 

It appeared that Jin Rulan in fact did not know who they were. He did not know the person in bed was Wei Ying and not Mo Xuanyu. His cluelessness gave Lan Wangji a wave of relief, mixed with irritation. He could no longer reason with Jin Rulan's poor attitude. What did Mo Xuanyu do for him to be treated like this? For all Lan Wangji knows, Mo Xuanyu, by legal means, is Jin Rulan's uncle. 

“Young master Jin,” Lan Wangji utters, “Is this how you behave with someone who risked their life to save yours.” He ignored the angry look from Wei Ying. He could be angry at him all he wanted, but first let Lan Wangji speak his mind. 

“And who…” Jin Rulan almost shouted, “...are you?” the boy asked in confusion. 

Lan Wangji remembers how he'd look in Jin Rulan's eyes. With his face uncovered, Jin Rulan could find the resemblance between Lan Wangji and his brother. He had no excuse for the misstep. But he'd gladly lecture the child about manners. 

“Don't scold my nephew.” Wei Wuxian coldly said to him. “A-ling, how do you feel now? Do you have a fever? Muscle pain?” he asks his nephew in a softer gentler tone that Lan Wangji could only be jealous of. 

“Stop pretending!” The boy falls on the floor crying. “I don't know who to trust anymore.” 

“Don't get me wrong,” Nie Huaisang says, fixing his clothes. His face where he was punched was bruised red. “Jin Ling has been through a lot. He was poisoned, thrown on the river, attacked by assassins, and now this.” 

Wei Wuxian's face crumpled listening to the horrors his nephew had to go through. Lan Wangji did not think being a clan heir could be this dangerous. It was as if he was inheriting a royal crown not a clan lead. He doesn’t know if his brother faced such dangers. He could no longer ask. 

“I guess you know who to doubt, Jin Ling.” Nie Huaisang is not good either. Behind his weak facade he knows how to provoke people without giving away anything of himself. 

The boy was too young to bear the revelation of his uncle. He ran off without a word. Lan Wangji didn't let Wei Wuxian run after him.

“Let me go! Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian struggled being locked in his arms.

“You're not recovered yet.” He tightened his grip for extra measurements. 

Their little fight ended with Wei Wuxian yelling “I hate you!” and that he'll never talk to Lan Wangji ever again. It hurt to hear Wei Ying say that, but Lan Wangji was determined to not let Wei Ying hurt himself even if it cost Lan Wangji his own heart.

Somewhere along the fight Nie Huaisang slipped out of the room and the physician came in to check on her patient. As grumpy as Wei Wuxian was, he allowed the women to check his dantains, did what she asked and answered all her questions. 

At last she asked, “Are you sexually active?” 

It threw off everyone present in the room. For one, A-Yuan didn’t want to hear that question. He made his way out of the room with a red face. For him, he didn't know where to look. Wei Ying on the other hand turned red at her question.  Factually speaking, the were not sexually active. What they did last night was nothing more than kissing and jerking each other off. 

The physician took the hint as she laughed and briefed her reasons, “Having sex will affect your core balance. I'd suggest you wait for a day?”

“Ye-yeah.” Wei Ying nervously laughed. 

She gave her a medicine that Lan Wangji knows works best as a sleeping dose. It was the best course of action since Wei Ying needed to be calm body and mind. While Wei Ying slept, Lan Wangji  could transfer spiritual energy without interruptions.

“Aren't you going to rest?” his caring son A-Yuan asked. “It's been hours and you're pouring your energy in him.” 

“Don't worry about me. Did you eat anything?” It was almost noon. 

“I don't feel like eating.” 

“Why is that?” 

A-Yuan shrugged but the exhaustion in his eyes was clear to Lan Wangji. 

“It's your first time in a major sect. Why don't you look around?” 

“I was thinking about going out in the town.” 

Lan Wangji didn't feel right about his decision. There was no evident danger but he's always worried for him. He also considers how sad it'll make A-Yuan if he said no. 

“Okay, take the bichen with you. Be safe.” 

Giving him a hug before leaving, A-Yuan promised he'll return safe. He makes sure to make Lan Wangji promise that he'll eat in time. 

Sleep enhancing medicines lack one thing, and it is the lack of power to block nightmares. At the beginning of the nightfall, Wei Ying wakes up whimpering many names. Most of his cries are for his late sister, sometimes his brother. He cries in sleep trying to hold onto something as though he was falling. Lan Wangji holds his hands trying to wake him up from his nightmare. 

Grabbing his hand with both hands Wei Ying  cries out, “Lan Zhan don't leave me.” 

“You're afraid of people leaving you?” He calmy asks, smoothing Wei Ying's disheveled hair. 

Sleep induced Wei Ying looked confused before letting him go. He stared at his hands for a long period of time, as if contemplating life. “Not everyone," He says under his breath, "just you.”

It brought a smile in Lan Wangji's face. He was afraid it'd take longer to get Wei Ying 's forgiveness for what he did in the morning. 

“I will not leave you.” Lan Wangji  assured the man, holding Wei Ying's hands that clutched back with trust. 

They were transferred to a guest room Nie Huaisang prepared. He assured Lan Wangji that his son was given his own room, and was fast asleep. He didn’t bother A-Yuan with how exhausted he looked with everything. 

“I've got more important news,” Nie Huaisang tries to duck any queries concerning A-Yuan. “Jin Guangyao is holding a cultivational conference in two days. So, don't do anything before that.” 

“If I wanted to kill Jin Guangyao that fast, I'd have done so with a snap of my finger.” Wei Ying said with an exhausted frown. Regardless of his apparent composure, Lan Wangji could tell how impatient Wei Ying was to get his hands on Jin Guangyao's throat. Killing that man so suddenly would stir more trouble. And as things are, people would immediately point fingers at Yiling Laozu. It is the only risk Wei Ying was avoiding. 

Dinner was extravagant as expected being hosted by a sect leader. But ultimately , he had to turn down the meal and request for a meal rich in Yin energy. Wei Ying complained about the boring food throughout the dinner, and Lan Wangji was happy to listen to his complaints. Wei Ying complained about his sore muscles and back pain, the result of sleeping too much. 

“Bath water is ready." Lan Wangji informed, "You'll feel better after a bath.” 

Bathtub was in suite, hiding behind a see-through privacy screen. What was the point of installing a privacy screen when it was close to transparent. The bath soaps, perfumes and oils reek of strong fragrance to give Lan Wangji a headache. He thinks these are the perfumes people sell to brothels, though he couldn’t be sure. 

“I'll leave you to be,” with Wei Ying's personal time in his mind, Lan Wangji walks out of the room.

Before he could reach the threshold Wei Ying shouted, “Don't you love me?” 

Lan Wangji turned around in an abrupt shock. Wei Ying’s question perplexed him to the extent he couldn’t think of a proper answer, “I do.” he said dumbfounded.

“Then why?” Wei Ying asked to dumbstruck Lan Wangji. “Why are you leaving the room? This morning too, you left me as I bathed. I mean, I don't understand why you'd leave. Are you ashamed of how I look? My body? After how you treated me last night I thought- I really thought you didn't care if I was a man. But then it's like you're pushing me away before I can get close.” Wei Ying spoke so quickly that he was practically out of breath. Yet, he continued with uncertainty in his tone, “You're making me confused.” 

Lan Wangji was never a perfect man. He is the absolute worst when it comes to loving another person with close to no experience. He learned to love by observing his surroundings and he believed respecting boundaries would secure his relationship. He put so much effort into building their relationship that he overlooked considering what brought Wei Ying happiness. Guilt rose up to his throat for what he had done.

Lan Wangji knelt down without a hesitation, to bow face down and apologize for how he made Wei Ying feel. 

“No, stop that!” Wei Ying knelt before him swiftly. “I didn't mean it like that!” He ebbed Lan Wangji's chin, making him look into his sincere eyes.  “Let me rephrase it. I wish you to stay near me. If me bathing makes you uncomfortable or you don't want to see me naked in general you can look away, but please stay near me.” 

“I want to stay close to you.” Lan Wangji blurted out without giving his answers another second thought. If he does, his honesty will blend with enforced civility. He wants to be honest and show the rawest parts of his heart. He wants to be accepted for how he is and not how he forces himself to be. 

“I want to be close to Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji repeated before things could go south. “I want to look at Wei Ying all the time. Clothed or not, I want to be with you however you allow me.”

“Then,” Wei Ying cupped his face with an unreadable expression, “Why do you look away? Why did you want to leave?”

“I thought you'd feel uncomfortable… I'm sorry I misunderstood.” 

Wei Ying chuckled with relief. He rested his head on Lan Wangji’s shoulder, hugging him by the neck. “Ask me before you jump to conclusions.” 

With a nod Lan Wangji apologized again. 

“Also,” Wei Ying says, pulling away shyly. He bites his thumb before saying, “I was wondering if you'd be comfortable bathing….together.” 

Lan Wangji repeated the words in his head as he clenched his fist. Bathing and together. Wei Ying was asking if he was comfortable bathing together. He had been dreaming to do the exact same thing for ages. 

“Mn,” he nodded as a reply. 

It came to Lan Wangji’s understanding why Wei Ying asked whether he'd be comfortable or not. He understood why Wei Ying felt he was being avoided. They saw each other naked before is but a matter of fact. That does not change how much Lan Wangji loved Wei Ying. It certainly did not change the rate of his heart beat. Wei Ying stripped naked in front of him as a challenge to see if Lan Wangji would look away. Lan Wangji, being a pathetic loser for the man, did in fact lose. His heart pounded with each inch of exposed skin. His mind spiraled with every movement of Wei Ying's muscles. His body burned to be touched and to touch. 

He wants Wei Ying to know what he felt for him was beyond the desires of flesh. Lustful is not what he wanted to be. He wants to be affectionate, he wants to be caring. He wants to spoil Wei Ying with tenderness and devotion. 

The cursed mark hadn't faded completely from his body. There were faint dark lines around his abdomen feeding on his weak golden core. Lan Wangji had precise reasons not to act up on his bodily desires. 

“Fuck, this is so awkward.” Wei Ying whined sitting down on the low tool. Hiding his face he added, “I used to have no problem being naked in front of guys but it's so different with you.” 

Sixteen year ago Wei Ying jumped in to the cold pond completely bare with Lan Wangji in it. How he acted back then, was far from shy or feeling awkward. There's a comfort in knowing Lan Wangji was not the only one feeling bashful.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji murmured to the man before him. He sat down near Wei Ying, planting a soft kiss on his shoulder. 

The one who said he was awkward out, jumped on him like he knew no shame. Wei Ying pressed uncountable kisses on Lan Wangji’s face, teasing him with illicit touches and shameless giggles. 

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji warned. He can't let his desires grow when the physician forbade him to do anything sexual. Wei Ying's health was his top priority. Flimsy bodyliy desires could be cared for later. He locked Wei Ying in his arms again, making the man whine and wiggle like a fish out of water. 

"When I said bath together, I meant something sexy! Something hot!" Complained the man in his armlock. "You're holding me like a strict mother giving her brat of a child a bath." 

"I wouldn’t be doing so if you listened to me." Lan Wangji huffed at the comparison. He wanted to agree that how Wei Ying acted was no less than a spoiled brat. "And I'm not going do anything that detroits your health." 

Watching Wei Ying pout, Lan Wangji carefully adds, "But do tell me if anything is out of your likes. I don't want you to be disappointed again." 

Wei Ying huffed and then laughed. "You worry to much." He took a bathing soap in his hand and started lathering it playfully on Lan Wangji’s face. "I don't want to disappoint you either." 

They catch their peace slowly.  Lan Wangji washing Wei Ying ’s hair and Wei Ying tenderly cleaning his back. Pouring water and kissing Lan Wangji’s scars. Soaking in hot water together and massaging WWei Ying's ore muscles. 

Kissing each other with every chance they get. 

“You don't have to ask for permission.” A rule they both agreed on. 

“You can do whatever you want with me.” a decree uncertain yet promising. 

In the back of his mind, fear lies. 

Fear will exist in his heart forever. It's a part of life.

And a part of life is to wrap a weight blank over the fear, give it a warm cup of tea and reassure, “It'll be okay.” 

Chapter Text

Wen Yuan had been looking for adventure all his life. He wanted to experience the thrill of risks books wrote about. He wanted to feel heroic. He wanted to live life. 

Life was not a chapter of a book. Life was… life was life. Real and horrendous. 

When he was being dragged by the sentient trees, Wen Yuan experienced the thrill he was looking for, it was not worth anything. Watching his father helpless with fear was not worth the adventure he wanted. Though they are all okay, he wished things were better. He wished Wei Wuxian was not sleeping like an inanimate object, he wished his father did not have to experience the pain of almost losing his loved one once again.He knows Wei Wuxian is not dead, but the stunt he took was no less life threatening. The physician said it was a miracle how he was still alive. Wen Yuan wonders how many miracles Wei Wuxian manifested to be where he is now.

His father told him to look around the sect, enjoy. How could he when he'd face death twice in a row. He slumped himself in a quiet corner of Nie pavilion. It was a garden with a perfectly balanced feng shui, green ginkgo leaves flew with the flow of breeze, calming his anxious soul. Sect leader Nie walks up to him across the hall tapping his fan on his hand while saying, “I have a mission for you.” The man smiles as if Wen Yuan's father will keep him alive for sending him off to another battle field. “It's no risk to your life.” the man hastily added. No risk to his life didn't mean there was no possibility of risk altogether. 

“Sect leader Nie,” Though tired, Wen Yuan gives his best smile. “I hold no grudge against you for manipulating me into walking into a death trap. But don't assume me or my father to be kind for what you've did.” 

Hearing so, the sect leader laughed with delight. “You truly are raised by the cold hearted Lan Wangji.”  When Wen Yuan didn't entertain his joke, he sat beside with a little huff. “I'll get to the point. Zewu-jun was supposed to visit today. If he is here he might come across your father. I want you to distract him. Go to Gusu Lan, waste his time or whatever, just prevent him from coming here.” 

Curiosity kills the cat but satisfaction brought it back. If going to Gusu Lan will save his father from facing the brother he's been avoiding for years, then Wen Yuan will do so. And, he has been wanting to see his father's family upclose.

As a consequence of his confidence, he waits before the gates of cloud recesses in Gusu, unbeknownst to his father. Nie sect leader promised he'll manage everything from his side, and if he messes up nothing is Wen Yuan's fault.

Wen Yuan felt safer traveling by sword, being free in the sky. It took an hour or so to arrive in Gusu from Qinghe with Bichen's help. The map Nie sect leader provided was a great help to reach the Cloud recesses. 

Cloud recesses was everything Wen Yuan imagined it to be. It was built high up in the mountains, with mist and clouds covering the peaks. Large and tall trees adorn the mountain with green moss covering the ground. Standing at the gates, Wen Yuan didn't feel like living a summertime dream. The cool breeze and low clouds reminded him of spring. He has heard that Gusu is almost always cold and covered in white snow during the winter. He could imagine his father growing up in a serene place where the fairies of winter would reside. 

“Sizhui!” Lan Jingyi exclaimed his name as he came running to escort Wen Yuan in. He had told the guards that Lan Jingyi was a friend of his, that he wanted to visit. He thought it was vile of him to use Lan Jingyi's friendship as a key to enter the grounds of Cloud recesses. He feared Lan Jingyi would be annoyed to be called from his duties to help out Wen Yuan. But the boy appeared to be the opposite of annoyed. He came running with a bright smile almost tumbling his way through the gates. His face was red, he breathed short as if he didn't spare a moment before coming to greet Wen Yuan.

He said, “You're here!” as a statement and not a question like he was expecting Wen Yuan to be there.

“I was nearby, so I thought…” Wen Yuan let the boy have his own conclusion. He doesn’t want to say he was there to distract the Lan sect leader to save his father from another wave of aggravation, he didn't want to lie either.

Lan Jingyi told the guards to let him in. He looked overjoyed by Wen Yuan's visit that the guards had to look at Wen Yuan with suspicion. Bichen is hung on his back wrapped in a white cloth, not quite indicating his cultivation, however it's obvious to cultivators with keen eyes. 

Lan Jingyi noticed his sword as well, from the way his eyes wandered to Wen Yuan's back and shoulders. He'd remained silent about it. 

“I apologize for the sudden visit and the troubles it may cause.” Wen Yuan says walking along the path of cloud recesses. The inner courtyards get more and more beautiful as they walk in. The Feng shui around the whole cloud recesses is impossibly perfectly balanced. The sound of flowing water streams, the breeze carrying fragrance of summer, the trees blocking and bringing sunlight in a soft mellow way, the clouds formed over the roofs,  and the baby blue coloured draped curtains gently swaying. How could such a peaceful place harbor people with cruel hearts? He could again imagine his father growing up in such peace, playing his guqin with the birds singing along. Wen Yuan couldn’t fathom knowing his father had to leave a place so beautiful, to live in a village with chickens and ducks. 

“Don't apologize,” Lan Jingyi spoke in a tone quieter than usual. “I missed you actually.” 

Concerned by his sudden lower voice, Wen Yuan looked for any hint of sadness that might be troubling the boy. But the boy seemed to be full of surpassed mischievous delight. 

Lan Jingyi inclined his body little toward Wen Yuan to whisper, “How can I not miss you? It's literally in your name.” Saying so, the boy smiles and giggles to himself.

Wen Yuan gets the joke and huffs as well. To long for, is what his name means. He's half sure his father named him as a recollection of his lover. It's equally embarrassing and endearing to know the meaning behind his courtesy name.

The infamous wall of rules came by as they were about to reach the main courtyard. It was a humongous rock with about four thousand rules engraved in it. His eyes followed the rules wanting to know more about his father's past. The rules were everything his father was as if his father was the walking persona of those rules.  Be modest, be respectful, be humble, be ethical, be just, be grateful, be careful with words, don't be wasteful, don't be rushful, don't use coarse language, don't be of two minds, do not show off your skills; they are everything his father taught him. But there were rules that caught Wen Yuan's eyes, do not smile for no reason, be strict with yourself, do not be miserly, do not indulge in pleasure, do not grieve excessively, do not be overly happy, do not be prideful, pets are not allowed, do not sneer, do not yawn with a open mouth and many that makes Wen Yuan's skin crawl. A nauseating feeling crept in his stomach as he read the characters for, do not be overly happy, do not be overly sad. Those characters itself denies his father's whole existence. Wen Yuan has seen his father grieve, overly depressed, Wen Yuan had seen his father prideful of him, overjoyed with his lover's presence. Who are they to stop his father- stop anyone- from feeling the emotions the heart held.

“Scary thing, right?” Jingyi scoffed at the wall, something that's also forbidden. “When I first saw this I was creeped by it too.” 

At his mention Wen Yuan smoothed his expression.  He'd not want the boy to think ill of him. 

“Did you notice the cool thing?” Lan Jingyi asks with a glint in his eyes. He brings Wen Yuan closer to show the line of rules that he wants to show. At the end side of the wall there was engraved, “Interacting with Wei Wuxian is forbidden.” And right after that rule is, “Speaking of Lan Wangji is forbidden.”

Wen Yuan is surprised the Lan elders would be mad enough to engrave rules about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. That was not Lan Jingyi's point, he shows Wen Yuan how the two names are engraved side by side like mischievous love sick teens. It incites delightful giggles out of him. 

“Isn't that romantic?” Lan Jingyi exclaimed, smiling. “I heard it was unintentional, it makes the soulmate allegations all the more real.” 

Wen Yuan has heard quite a lot of gossip from the common flok about his father and Wei Wuxian. They had made up their own stories and were completely unrelated to the tale. The soulmate allegations certainly is romantic but he'd not want to discuss about his parents love life with a boy who has no clue he's met those persons in real life. 

“I was wondering if you could help me with something.” Wen Yuan didn't want to prolong his goal. He wanted to see the brother of his father, the man who failed to protect his family. He wanted to know if the idea of his supposed dead brother strain his jade like face. 

“Just name it. I'd do anything to help you.” Lan Jingyi confidently declared with a big toothy smile. His big toothy smile deformed when Wen Yuan asked to have a meeting with the sect leader, Zewu-jun.

He made up a story, Wen Yuan was a painter commissioned to draw Hanguan-jun for the upcoming stage play that is going to take place in a week. And to have a portrait of the Hanguan-jun, he'd need the reference of his twin brother. It is a great difficulty to have a good look at Zewu-jun when he is the one who has been trying to eradicate all the plays of his brother's love affair. 

“I can do everything but that.” Lan Jingyi pressed his lips together in distress. “How about I draw you a portrait of him and give it to you? Or I can make you look at him from afar and you can study his face?” 

That could work for what Wen Yuan made up but it won't stop Zewu-jun from departing to Qinghe. With slumped shoulders, he began thinking of other ways to have  a talk with Zewu-jun personally. He is grateful to Lan Jingyi for helping him in the cloud recesses but that's as far a head disciple could get him.

“Actually nevermind,” Lan Jingyi says breathing in a lung full of air, “I'll take you to Zewu-jun. He won't deny the heir,would he?” 

The boy takes Wen Yuan's hands, marching in a certain direction. Baffled by the boy's sudden swing, Wen Yuan asked, “heir?” 

“You don't have to say anything. I'll do the talking.” 

“Wait, You're the heir?” Wen Yuan asked again.

“I wish I was not.” Lan Jingyi answered, laughing a fake laugh. 

“Wait,” Wen Yuan, perplexed by the revelation, stops them from walking. “Are you Zewu-jun's son?” 

Lan Jingyi laughs for real this time. He quickly corrects the misunderstanding Wen Yuan had. Lan Jingyi was the heir according to the hierarchy rule of the Lan clan but most definitely not Zewu-jun's son. Zewu-jun was known to be a celibating man, who refused the clan to give them any heirs. Lan Jingyi's grandfather was the closest relative to Qingheng-Jun and his mother being a cousin to Zewu-jun. The family registration shows Lan Jingyi to be the next heir and everyone had agreed. 

They arrived near a big quarter with the sign  “haishi”. Lan Jingyi told him to wait outside the porch as he spoke with the sect leader in private. Wen Yuan gives him a bow out of benevolence that the boy was willing to do so much for him. He waited outside looking at the quarters nearby. The housings of Cloud recesses are made out of expensive woods and tiles. 'Do not be wasteful' was surely overlooked when they built their houses. He wondered if his father had such a lavish house of his own. If he did grew up in such luxury, wasn't it hard for him to live in the cottage they currently reside in. He has never seen his father complain about the lack of comfort or opulence.  The clothes Lan clan people wear are surely more expensive than his father's monthly earnings. Pure white silk in layers after layers,outer robes embroidered with finely woven threads, guan made with solid silver, one or two accessories hung on their waist, his father left all of those thanks to the family that didn't think twice before punishing him to a near death situation. Did his father hate his family for inflicting him with scars? Did his father ever want revenge?

Wen Yuan knows for a fact that his father wasn't a person who'd seek revenge. He'd just curled himself up in a corner, away from the people who hurt him, away from the people who might hurt him again. And there Wen Yuan was, standing at the very ground that was once soaked in his father's blood. 

Did Wen Yuan want revenge?

Wen Yuan sought not revenge but enclosure. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but he wanted those people to be hurt. He wanted those people to remain agonized after what they did to a kind man. 

Wen Yuan's eyes caught a man standing afar watching him with hawk eyes. The man was in his late fifties, with a few silver hair and a much silver goatee. He stared at Wen Yuan for so long that Wen Yuan was itching to remind the man that it was prohibited to stare. How obnoxious of him, not even a day has passed and Wen Yuan was wanting to lecture people about rules of a clan he didn't belong to.

Out of courtesy, Wen Yuan bowed to the old man, and it brought his demise. With the bow, the man got his cue to walk up to Wen Yuan to inquire him of his existence.

“What brought you here?” The old man asked as he got near. 

From their close distance Wen Yuan finds an odd resemblance with his father. Then again, there was not a thing similar that he could point his finger on. The old man was haughty, rigid, scornful in a way that he could perceive only as  anger.

Scared, Wen Yuan replies, “I'm here to meet the sect leader.” 

“For?”

“For a portrait.” Wen Yuan decides to keep his answers short under such strict eyes. 

The man scoffed and it was prohibited to scoff. No one here seems to follow those rules engraved in the rock. The old man walked away without much of a bye. Wen Yuan was just glad the scary man was out of his nose. 

“You're good to go.” Lan Jingyi proudly exclaimed, guiding him inside the haishi to Zewu-jun's study. There, the man bearing the same face of his father sits behind a low table with a pile of paper. He looked similar to his father in every way when his father was grading his students with a similar pile. Except there was no joy in Zewu-jun's eyes, there was a strain on his haughty back and his stiff shoulders were screaming to be relaxed. Wen Yuan's father loved his work, when he grades his students papers there is always a soft look of amazement. He'd smile whenever his students wrote gibberish instead of the answer, he'd crouch and lean when his back ached, he'd ask Wen Yuan to massage his shoulders in exchange for a certain amount of coins.

However similar their facial structures were, Wen Yuan would never mistake the man before him with his father. 

“Cang Sizhui?” Zewu-jun injured with a raise of his brow and Wen Yuan bowed in greeting. The man paid no heed to him, going back to reading  his papers as he said, “Reveal your true intentions behind wanting my portrait.”

Meaning he did not buy whatever bullshit Lan Jingyi told him. Lan Jingyi silently sweats behind him, fiddling with his tassel. The boy, despite being scared of his sect leader, did sacrifice a lot. He'd not want Lan Jingyi to be punished later for something Wen Yuan did. 

Wen Yuan speaks with diligence, “Forgive Young master Lan for what he did. It was me who requested a meeting with you.” 

“None of that.” The sect leader cut him short. “Why do you need my portrait?” 

Wen Yuan got to the point, he needed Hanguan-jun's portrait and Zewu-jun as a reference. He is a lowly painter who was commissioned to paint Hanguan-jun for a stage play. 

“Do you not know the Lan clan have put a ban on those plays?” 

“I do.” 

“Then how could you stand before me knowing the play will be stopped.” He asked Wen Yuan to give him the details of the commissioner in order to capture him. 

“I can't give you my commissioner's details. That'd be a violation of his privacy.” 

“Then you may go.” 

How are Zewu-jun and his father brothers from the mother? Zewu-jun was not only strict in looks but with words too. It was hard for Wen Yuan to have his father's face speak harshly to him. 

“I am but a lowly young painter.” Wen Yuan used his helpless meek voice that always melted his father's heart whenever he caught his son drinking. “If I don't get the portrait done, I'll be left penniless for the month. I have a father to take care of. I need the money, Zewu-jun.” 

“Zewu-jun, please.” Lan Jingyi knelt before the sect leader with an equally meek voice. Where Wen Yuan was acting for the sake of wasting time, Lan Jingyi seemed to be caught crying for real. Lan Jingyi's heart was too innocent for Wen Yuan. 

Zewu-jun's heart, on the other hand, was not affected. At best, he looked annoyed at the two youngsters crying before his work. “How much are you promised to be paid? I'll pay you.”

Wen Yuan gives the price he'd need to buy two jars of Emperor's smile. He had wanted to buy a jar on his way only to be overthrown by the price. No wonder it was the best wine around.

Zewu-jun hands him a pouch full of coins, heavy enough to tell there was more than Wen Yuan needed. He accepted the pouch with no hesitation. It wouldn't  be wrong to take money from one's uncle, would it? 

“Now, I can't just take money from a sect leader for free, can I?” Wen Yuan nonchalantly secures the pouch in his inner pockets. He brings out the paper scroll he brought from the Nie sect leader as the Lan sect leader glowered at him with annoyance. “At least let me draw you a portrait of your brother.” 

The sect leader carefully stops himself from shouting, “You may leave now.”

“Does Zewu-jun not want to know how his brother would look at his age?” Wen Yuan smirked when the sect leaders' eyes widened. He knows his prey fell for his trap, “Trust me. I can draw him aged up.”

Zewu-jun shut his eyes before tears could form. He blinked several times pretending to read his papers. His eyes were skimming left to right but Wen Yuan was sure he was failing to read a single word. After a long hesitation did the Lan sect leader spoke, “Do as you wish. Do not bother me.” 

With Zewu-jun's permission Lan Jingyi exuberantly- silently- cheered for Wen Yuan. He left the two alone in the study to return back to his head disciple duties. Wen Yuan carefully prepared the ink and brushes he took from the Nie sect leader's huge stationary collection, he called them a collection not a stack. Everything the Nie sect leader gave was of top quality. The brush grip was perfect in his fingers. The brush tip is of northern mountain goats hair, the finest of all brushes Wen Yuan has ever used. He doesn't need to look at Zewu-jun to draw his father. The man has been his muse for as long as Wen Yuan learned to draw. What Wen Yuan really wanted was to see was, his father wearing the expensive looking robes the sect leader wore. He drew his father's hair tied in a guan like Zewu-jun, and the mandatory Lan clan forehead ribbon. Why was the ribbon sacred to the clansmen, why was it a rule to not touch others' ribbons? He'd love to know why Lan Jingyi blushed when Wen Yuan touched his ribbon the first time they met.

It was an accident back then. He was stuck in a net and Lan Jingyi found him hanging in there. When the boy cut the ropes, Wen Yuan fell on the boy with no grace. He didn’t know he was holding Lan Jingyi's forehead ribbon to prop himself up. He didn't give it a thought when he saw Lan Jingyi blush.

Wei Wuxian had bought his father a ribbon similar to the Lan clan ribbon as well. His father tied it around his wrist like a precious object. He looked at it with fondness, his light coloured eyes twinkled each time.

For years he knew his father had black eyes as dark as ink. He didn’t know his father had somehow covered the color of his eyes for his disguise. This morning when his father talked about his mother, Wen Yuan noticed the light shade of his eyes. His father's eyes were always kind and full of love, with golden warmth dripping like honey Wen could sense how much love a pair of eyes couldn't hold. How easier it was to look at those eyes and say, “Oh, how happy he is.” 

Wen Yuan wished he had dye to paint the portrait into a colorful one. If he had dye, he'd have painted his father's eyes with yellow dye made out of marigolds. 

“Done!” He elated louder than the Lan sect leader allowed. Though his annoyance was clear, the sect leader silently demanded to see the finished portrait. He took the scroll in his hand delicately as though the paper would melt like snow in his hands. 

It was a portrait of his father in a similar posture to the Lan sect leader. Sitting behind a table with a book in his hand. He reads the book with a relaxed shoulder and a fond smile on his face. The ends of his forehead ribbon waving in the air along with a few stray strands of hair. 

Wen Yuan saw the Lan sect leader's brows unfurl from its frown for the first time. His line of a lips curved as his eyes scanned over the paper. He looked lost in a world of his own.

“You've got him wrong,” he spoke softly as his fingers hover above the still wet ink, “Wangji does not smile.” 

“Pardon?” Wen Yuan asked, not understanding what the sect leader meant. Who in this world does not smile? 

“My brother Wangji.” Zewu-jun informed him, “He does not smile like that. In fact it'd have been better if you drew his lips as a straight line.” He chuckled, not wavering his gaze from the portrait. 

Wen Yuan does not know if the sect leader's chuckling was good news or should he be worried. He's more concerned that the man that calls his father his younger brother failed to remember how his brother smiles. Wen Yuan does not doubt his painting skills, he refuses to believe he'd got any detail about his father wrong after drawing him for more than five years. So when he opens his mouth to speak he blurts out, “Look closely, I've painted him correctly.” 

Zewu-jun clears all his papers to a side to place the painting for drying. He composes himself back to his strict character though his brows do not frown as deeply as they used to. He says, “I've seen my brother, Cang gongzi.” He adds, “No one's ever seen my brother smile.” 

“Really? No one?” What Wen Yuan wanted to say was, I have seen him smile. All my villagers, all his students, everyone that has ever been near him with Wei Wuxian and him, saw him smiling. “How is that possible?” 

“Anything is possible for him.” Zewu-jun says proudly. And Wen Yuan wanted to add, such as taking beatings that scar for life from his own family and forgiving that same family. 

“So you're saying,” Wen Yuan hugged his bent knees,sitting in a leisurely manner, “A human in this world with a heart beating in his rib cage walked around this earth without ever smiling?” 

Zewu-jun's eyes had returned back to the portrait lying on the table. It can be said that he was still lost in memories to not glower at Wen Yuan's unruly posture. “He used to when he was a child. But after mother passed away…” abruptly he realized what he was speaking of to a literal imposing stranger. He frowned once again, composing himself with a cough. “I'm feeling unwell. You may leave.” 

Wen Yuan took pity on the man who mourned his supposed dead brother's memory. From their brief conversation it is hard to tell if the two brothers shared a brotherly bond. His father, who apparently lost the light in himself after his mother's death, had never smiled at Zewu-jun as fondly as he smiled at Wen Yuan.

He gets it now, why the Nie sect leader nicknamed his father as cold hearted, why Wei Wuxian thought he was disliked. Did his father never once smile after losing his mother? 

The possibility gives him nausea. 

“Sizhui! How was it?” Lan Jingyi receives him as soon as Wen Yuan steps out of the haishi. He spoke in a hushed tone as if afraid to enrage the sect leader. 

“As best as you could hope for.” Wen Yuan assured him while putting on his boots. The sky had turned orange without his notice with the sun slowly setting in the horizon. He had spent three hours painting and chatting without a track of time. He hopes he has wasted enough time for the sect leader to cancel his visit to Qinghe Nie. 

“I'm sorry you couldn't get your job done.” Lan Jingyi apologized.

“Is Zewu-jun visiting Qinghe?” 

“Uhh… I don't think so?” 

“Then my job here is done.” 

Lan Jingyi gave him a dubious look but didn't ask any further questions. He kept gazing at the wrapped shaft on his back wanting to ask something but gulping it down every time. Wen Yuan doesn't know how safe it would be to admit that he was indeed carrying a sword and not a huge paint brush. He lets his friend suffer in his own curiosity as he asks, “Are you free? Can you show me around?”

Lan Jingyi is a boy with no doubt for Wen Yuan in his heart. He nodded vigorously, taking Wen Yuan to different places while briefing the significance of them.  The courtyards and the classrooms, the training grounds, the ancestral hall, the library. Wen Yuan learns about the Lan founder through the beautiful wall paintings. It's quite romantic in every essence. He knows where the endless devotion to one person arises from. When he lets Lan Jingyi know of his thoughts the boy gives him a painful smile.

“It is romantic for sure. But it's also a curse.” When asked for the reason he says, “You see, a Lan is fated to fall in love once in their lifetime. They devote themselves to that one certain person completely.” 

“How's that a curse?”

“Hanguang-jun for example.” Lan Jingyi answers quietly and Wen Yuan contemplated with the answer. “There are quite a lot like him in our clan history, though they never went as far as he went.” 

“He is an exception.” 

“He is. It's not because he fell in love with another man but mainly because the man that he fell for was… well… notorious.”

“Against everything your clan holds.”

“I heard from my father,” Lan Jingyi's voice grows loud as they walk through a quieter path taking them to a sloped stream. “My father was a disciple here by the way. He said that Hanguang-jun had been punished several times for Yilling Laozu. The elders were- if said in simple terms- losing it with their upright heir going against the rules. The thirty-three whips didn't just come out of the blue.” 

“Thirty-three!?” Wen Yuan gasped in shock. He didn’t know why he was so surprised when  he kind of knew the horrors his father faced. He had counted all those scars- though there were thirty five of them.

“It's not just any whip Sizhui.” Lan Jingyi kicked a pebble as he spoke with disdain. He informs that the elders of Lan clan- his father's uncle- used the disciplining whip. It is a spiritual whip that scars the bearer for a lifetime. Just one or two strikes is considered enough of a punishment for how painful it is, for how long it takes to recover. 

Wen Yuan venerated his father for how strong he was. He could only imagine the pain his father carried and he could not imagine how one could forgive their families for it.  “Is it why people consider him dead?” 

“How could one be possibly alive after thirty-three bone slicing lashes?” Lan Jingyi spoke with a poorly contained venom in his voice, “Zewu-jun still has the audacity to look for his brother after all that.” 

"He looks for Hanguang-jun?" Wen Yuan couldn’t help but ask, "Isn't he dead?" 

Lan Jingyi hushedly answered, "Hanguang-jun ran away after being punished. My mother says he left the clan out of hatred." 

"Is there anything particular that makes your mother think that?" 

Lan Jingyi looks around cautiously. He always does that like there are eyes looking at him everywhere he goes. "He left his clan ribbon before leaving, he was also threatened to be exlied for wanting to save Yiling Laozu. And he purposefully did exactly what the elders threatened him for." 

The clan ribbon holds a great significance. Wen Yuan can wonder why there are rules about mere ribbons. 

"Did Zewu-jun ever found any trace of his brother?" 

Lan Jingyi let out a sarcastic laugh. "I hope he doesn't." He quickly corrects his sarcasm in a polite manner, "I mean, if I were Hanguang-jun, I'd not want to be found by my punishers, be it dead or alive." 

Wen Yuan patted the back of the boy who had never met the person he spoke so highly of. If Wen Yuan had to point one thing he's grateful to Lan Jingyi, it would be how the boy expressed his anger, it is something Wen Yuan wished he could. 

“Thankyou for listening to me.” The boy genuinely expressed with a small smile. “I couldn't talk about all these before.”

“You should speak your heart.” 

“I swear, you'd not want to know how much I do.” Lan Jingyi snorted. “It's one of the many reasons why everyone hates me.” 

Wen Yuan gasped, “Why?” It never occurred to him that anyone could hate a cheery person like Lan Jingyi.

“What do you mean why? I'm the exact opposite of what a Lan heir is supposed to be and yet here I am, waiting to be the leader.” 

“You're not happy about being an heir?” 

“Take a guess.” 

“No?”

The path took them to a meadow far from the courtyards of cloud recesses. There grows ankle long grass with damselflies and dragonflies flying around. Lan Jingyi points to the white and black balls jumping and running or just leisurely slumped there.

“Bunnies!” Wen Yuan exclaimed. Pets were not allowed in the cloud recesses so the meadow had to be somewhere out of the cloud recesses. Wen Yuan didn't see a single cat during their walk around,  and he questioned whether the cloud recesses loved or hated animals.

“They made their home here, no one knows how.” Lan Jingyi said putting an end to their previous conversation. Wen Yuan didn't press further for if it was a sensitive topic for the smiling boy.

Lan Jingyi picked a bunny that ran to him immediately after noticing. “I come here to play with them when I'm sad.” 

“Are you sad now?” 

“Hmmm…." The boy humms in a timid manner, "I just wanted to show them to you.” 

Wen Yuan giggles while taking another bunny in his arms. They sat on the ground offering the bunnies grass that's been growing around. Some of the less brighter ones nibble like it's something new, some of the smart ones recognise what they've been offered were the same boring grass and ignore them with a displeased thump.

Wen Yuan shares with Lan Jingyi about the bunnies him and his father brought up. He taught the boy what he could give them as treats, how he could- if he wanted- take care of an abandoned kit, or one's that looked ill. He slowly started talking about his own mundane life, taking care of the chickens and ducks, the baby chicks and geeses, the one cow his father bought on a whim, about their small garden and peach tree. 

“It's amazing,” Lan Jingyi marveled, “Your life.” 

“Don't you mean boring?” 

“No. I wish I had a life like you.” Lan Jingyi let go off the bunny that's been struggling to get out of his lap. “My life might sound great but honestly, I'm not meant to be born in the Lan clan.” He says with distaste, “I'm afraid I'd do something to get thirty three lashes. No one would save me then.” 

“Jingyi, I'm sure you're overthinking.” 

“Well, maybe not thirty three but one for sure.” The boy jokes. And it reminds Wen Yuan of Wei Wuxian and his playful tactics of laughing off things that bother him. Wei Wuxian and Lan Jingyi seem to be similar in most cases.

“None.” Wen Yuan pressed scornfully, “You shouldn't worry over imaginary matters.” 

Lan Jingyi laughed watching Wen Yuan's bitter reactions. “I wish we had met earlier. I feel like we would be inseparable had we met as kids.” 

Wen Yuan isn't sure about meeting as kids. But he indulges, for a brief period, what would have happened if his father returned back to his clan with him. Would his father still be his father? Would Wen Yuan be known as Hanguang-jun's son? He's sure the clan elders would have a say in that too. The elders most likely would want his father to dispose the Wen child. Had that been the case, what would his father do? 

He couldn’t imagine himself growing without his father's care. 

“I should head back, it's getting late.” He says as the evening light deems down. The bunnies had gathered themselves in their nests, stars were out twinkling in the darkness. He wondered how it'd feel to fly so high in the night sky. Would he be able to touch the moon and the stars? 

Lan Jingyi escorted him back to the gates. On their way,  they come across a few Lan disciples hurrying to be somewhere. One of the distressed disciples catches Lan Jingyi telling him to go to the mingshi. 

Having been bewildered by their haphazard running, Wen Yuan follows Lan Jingyi to the place named mingshi. As soon as they reached the gates of mingshi, the iron gates of it swung open with an object flying away swiftly. It spread around a feeling of uneasiness in his stomach. 

“Grandmasters Lan!” the cries of Lan disciples called back his attention. 

The gates of mingshi shut itself close, the room was filled with black smokes and the same uneasy filling was filling his stomach to the point he feared throwing up. He guessed it is what cultivators feel when they sense resentful energy. It's quite similar to when he stepped in the dead man's forest's innermost graves- though Wei Wuxian had mitigated those before he could feel them properly.

In the middle of the room was a hand trying to escape the barriers and by a side on the floor was the same old scary looking man- propped up by a disciple senior to him. “The hand!” the old man coughed barely breathing. 

Lan Jingyi took the guqin that the Grandmaster had been playing. His fingers hastily moved to play a melody Wen Yuan knew by heart. It was called clarity. He didn’t know the melodies his father taught him were a part of musical cultivation. The resentful energy decreased in density as Lan Jingyi played. However, as soon as Lan Jingyi hit a wrong note the energy around him grew worse. He winched at the next notes that Lan Jingyi kept getting wrong. The boy was struck nervous by all the pressure solely on him, his pale sweating face showed it all.

“Lan Jingyi what are you doing!” One of the senior disciples shouted at him, followed by two others. They stood there holding their barely conscious Grandmaster as though they were doing the king's work. 

“I can't.” Lan Jingyi exasperated as he kept getting the wrong notes making the resent grow more. Wen Yuan could then understand what Lan Jingyi wanted to mean. He could imagine Lan Jingyi slowly decaying with having to meet  the day to day expectations of everyone around him with the looming fear of fucking up everything.

No one would save me then, the boy told him, almost crying. He saw the example right before his eyes. Although seniors were in the room they did not help Lan Jingyi at all. 

“I can, move.” Wen Yuan insisted Lan Jingyi. Confused with fear, Lan Jingyi moved without a hesitation. Wen Yuan had never played his melodies with spiritual energy, but he still gives it a try. Wei Wuxian had taught him to glide and command a spiritual sword, “It's all about feelings. You have to feel it.” he had said.

He followed the instructions Wei Wuxian gave and let qi flow through his fingers. He played the melody of clarity with very little knowledge about spiritual energy manipulation but the feeling of decreasing resentment gave him confidence in his play. It was still not enough to subdue the resentful hand that's been causing havoc. 

The sect leader rushed in the mingshi baffled by the looks of his unconscious grandmaster, trembling head disciple, and an annoying lowly painter playing his grandmasters guqin with ease. He gaped before taking the lead in handling the situation, playing along with his jade flute. 

His jade flute was magnificent and a huge waste of money. 

“Who are you?” Zewu-jun yelled as soon as the hand fell limp inside the barrier. The senior disciple dealt with the later stage, allowing the sect leader to catch the outsider. 

“Cang Sizhui,” Wen Yuan nervously murmured. 

“I know. And I know you are not just a local painter. Where did you learn to play like that?” 

“I-” Wen Yuan knows he can't talk about his father teaching him, so he answers, “I learned it from a book I bought from the market.” 

“You- what?”

“A book from the local market.” He repeated, “I didn't know it was from the Lan clan till now.” 

“And your golden core?” Zewu-jun asked not hiding his pettiness, “You didn't know about it either?”

Wen Yuan wished he could agree on it as well. It was true however one was to interpret it. “That's not how it is, sect leader Lan.” 

“Xichen!” The old grandmaster scolded as the senior disciples treated him. “Don't scold him.” 

“Uncle?” 

The grandmaster was not in a good condition by any means. The disciples gave him spiritual energy to stop his impending qi deviation. His wrinkled face was pale and somehow he looked older than the first time Wen Yuan met. Zewu-jun called the grandmaster uncle, it meant he was his father's uncle as well. The uncle that lashed one after one inches deep flesh cutting whippings. The uncle that caused his father to suffer for four years, the uncle that could stop the punishment but did not.

The old man could barely breathe, yet he spoke with all his might, “We've hurt him enough. Don't scold him anymore.” 

“It's not him. You're seeing things.” Zewu-jun informed him, not sounding any less angry. 

The leader gestured Wen Yuan outside for another lecture. As Wen Yuan braced himself to be intrigued with questions, the sect leaders merely said, “Thankyou for what you did. Don't ever return here.” 

Wen Yuan is left speechless by the warning. If anyone deserved the name cold hearted, it should be Zewu-jun and not his father. 

Some unknown disciples escorted him outside with cold shoulders. Wen Yuan was never treated so poorly by anyone in his life. It made his heart heavy with unease. Lan clan, as beautiful as it is, sure knows how to live up to their coldness. He understands why his father left such a life, why his father avoids being known.

He buys the two jars of Emperor's smile with the money Zewu-jun gave. It burns at first sip but soon melts down his throat like ice. It's fragrant and mellow, sweet and hits the right spot. It's a perfect wine to drink while viewing the full moon with one's lover. Wei Wuxian would be really happy if he gets one. 

He walked into a darker path along the roads of CaiYi. He'd sipped  too much wine in a trance of his sadness to make him dizzy. He decided not to manoeuvre his sword until his dizziness faded down. 

He didn't expect knives to be thrown at him. By sheer luck, the knives miss hitting his flesh as Wen Yuan runs in the dark, unknown path. Under the illusion of armed safety, he let his guard down, forgetting he never learned to wield swords. All of sudden he's swept away from his feet by the same hands that had once saved him before.

“Ghost General!” Wen Yuan exclaimed as the face came to view. He couldn’t speak much before another man in black robes started attacking them. The man appeared to be out his senses like a living dead similar to the Ghost General. He had no sense of pain no matter how many times Ghost General punched or kicked him away. No one has been known strong enough to control corpses other than the Yilling Laozu either. It was best to avoid a duel to the unknown being.

As the ghost general attempts to escape with Wen Yuan secured in his arm the man throws himself at them, making ghost general lose his balance and stumble across the path. Wen Yuan fell out of his arm along the way, stumbling as badly. 

Before he could get back to his feet, someone grabs him by the backs of his robes. They put a sharp knife near Wen Yuan's neck, declaring, “The game of tag is over.” 

When Ghost General takes a step toward Wen Yuan, the man in black robes tackle him on the ground. 

“Don't play the hero. It might hurt the baby.” The man that's been holding the knife at Wen Yuan nonchalantly spoke. He smirked eerily, “Just do as I say.” 

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian's hand reached out for warmth of a certain person he'd come to love. His smell lingers to Wei Wuxian's nose, fulfilling his heart with a calmness he didn't know his heart could ever have. With eyes shut his hand reached far and far only to be met with oblivion, similar to the oddly calm nightmares where he reaches for the docks of Yunmeng but gets pulled in by the vortex of resentment.

His body jerks at the sudden assumption that everything nice that has happened to him was a mirage. His sleep adulled eyes search for Lan Zhan's belongings restlessly. Just one of his belongings- a hair- would be enough solace to his anxious heart. He couldn’t remember where he was at that moment. All he needed was a little assurance of reality, a little bit of Lan Zhan. 

He turns bodily in the nest of unfamiliar blankets and finds Lan Zhan in whole, sitting afar, near a vanity, combing his long and eminent hair. His posture perfect, shoulders carry cream white robes with no sense of urgency. He turns around to Wei Wuxian and quietly says, “You're awake early.”

Wei Wuxian breathed out relieved by the reassurance of reality. Everything that has happened to him was real, some of those are ugly and some too beautiful. Though he'd wish those ugly parts had never occurred, he's grateful for the parts where it's beautiful. 

“What is it?” Lan Zhan asked, taking long strides to be near him. “Nightmare?”

Only when Lan Zhan wiped his forehead, did Wei Wuxian realize he was sweating pretty badly. Instinctively he dismissed the truth saying, “No, it's the heat of summer.”

Lan Zhan scanned his face and in some undefined way Wei Wuxian knows he's been caught lying. Lan Zhan doesn't force him to tell the truth, but his eyes tell that he isn't happy with Wei Wuxian's answer. How could Wei Wuxian- in all conscience- let Lan Zhan be sad because of his habit of lying. 

“Actually,” he says tugging Lan Zhan's sleeves, “It's not the heat nor a nightmare. I just… got scared when I couldn't find you near me.” 

Lan Zhan sits beside him on the bed, bathed in soft yellow light of an early summer morning. He tucks a hair strand behind Wei Wuxian's ear murmuring with a small smile, “I am here.”

He is here with Wei Wuxian, sitting close to him, gazing at him with soft eyes. If he were to lean in, he could kiss Lan Zhan. It's weird how he's kissed Lan Zhan multiple times, kissed Lan Zhan for the whole previous night, and yet shy away like a newly wed bride.

Lan Zhan is no good either. Wei Wuxian is stuck between calling him shy and shameless. Every time Wei Wuxian leans near for a kiss Lan Zhan gapes at him with red blushing ears and almost not breathing. At some point they'd both be gaping at each other, both wanting to kiss and shying away only to burst into giggles at each other's awkwardness. After their awkwardness melts off it'll be Lan Zhan swooping him off his gravity, holding his head and taking him in for a passionate kiss.

Wei Wuxian isn't sure if they'd yet kissed in a chaste sort of way where it's just a peck here and there. Every time they kiss Lan Zhan steads forward with hunger, plunging his tongue inside Wei Wuxians mouth with a fervor. If it's not Wei Wuxian's mouth, he's sucking Wei Wuxian's skin like sucker worms with, of course a thousand times better experience. He'd bite and mark Wei Wuxian in places that's visible to general folk. If Wei Wuxian complained about people, Lan Zhan would say, “Let them see.” Like he didn't care if people looked at them wickedly, like he'd want to shove it to people's face that they are very much in love. Lan Zhan is shameless in that way.

“At least have mercy on A-Yuan, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian huffs as Lan Zhan sucks the same place of his neck he marked previously. “How would your son feel knowing his father is smooching off some guy.”

Lan Zhan licks the sucked skin one last time before saying, “You're not some guy.” He carefully wiped the spit that he leathered on Wei Wuxian's neck while adding, “And A-Yuan played himself into how we are now.” 

Wei Wuxian laughs at Lan Zhan being petty with a serious face. He won't scold his son but he won't let the poor boy go without a lesson either. Wei Wuxian also thought it would be fun to annoy little A-Yuan with their closeness. He wanted Wei Wuxian and his father to be in love, and Wei Wuxian will make sure A-Yuan gets it even if he ends up regretting it. “Let's wake him up, shall we?”

The Nie guest rooms are all empty except for the one Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan were residing in. After checking every room Wei Wuxian felt the worry grow in Lan Zhan's each step.

“I'm sure he's playing somewhere. A-Yuan used to wander around when he was a kid.” Wei Wuxian assured.

“I haven't seen him since yesterday noon.” Lan Zhan marched out of the guest pavilion toward the main courtyards to where the sect leader is. He wasn't covering his face with his black veil and whoever came across them gawked at Lan Zhan with subtle terror. Bowing and murmuring, “Zewu-jun.”

“Lan Zhan, calm down.” Wei Wuxian stopped the man from his quick strides. “Let's not jump into any kind of conclusion, okay?” 

Lan Zhan exhaled slowly, nodding. He had heard the whispers of servants and passing disciples refer him as his brother. The notion does not make him feel any better. He let the tufts of his widow's peak fall like curtains, covering his beautiful face as though it was something he was not proud of. 

“Hey, don't do that. Don't give me that face.” Wei Wuxian tucked back the tufts of hair behind his ears. He caressed Lan Zhan's jaw wondering why he covered a face so beautiful with a gloomy look. Though Wei Wuxian didn't oppose the idea of being one of the few people to have the privilege of basking in Lan Zhan's beauty, he'd also want Lan Zhan to carry his look with pride. Regardless, it was too early to poke in places where it might hurt, he asked “Do you want me to fetch your veil?” 

“I am…” Lan Zhan held the hand that had been caressing him, taking a deep breath and speaking painfully, “...not my brother.”

“Of course not, silly!” Wei Wuxian cupped Lan Zhan's face, “You are you.”  He takes the white gentian embroidered ribbon that Lan Zhan always wrapped around his wrist, and ties it around his forehead like the man always used to, “You are, and always will be Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, Hanguang-jun no matter what people say.”

Lan Zhan gazed at him with a look Wei Wuxian had yet to learn. He could tell Lan Zhan was not sad about the whole being mistaken as Zewu-jun thing anymore and that was enough for then.

“Do you want me to wear the veil?” Lan Zhan asked.

“I'd want you to do whatever you're comfortable with. But honestly,” Wei Wuxian sheepishly smiles as he adds “I'd rather you don't. I want to look at your face without anything covering your smile.” 

Lan Zhan huffs out a lazy smile, “Then I won't wear one.” 

The lazy smile that Lan Zhan gave was so cute that Wei Wuxian forgot they were out in public and jumped to his tip toes as he pressed a kiss on that droopy smile. All of a sudden there were shocked gasps around them and loud murmurs of “Zewu-jun kissed a guy!” 

They kept calling Lan Zhan Zewu-jun that it irked Wei Wuxian insane. Sure Lan Zhan and his elder brother looked similar, sure they were called twins. But one closer look was enough to tell the difference between the two men. Obviously Lan Zhan was hundred times better looking than his brother and a thousand times better looking when he smiled widely,and no Wei Wuxian was not being biased at all he was stating nothing but universal facts. 

“It's fine.” Lan Zhan patted his back, “Look for A-Yuan.” 

They disregard the gossip around them as they reach Nie Huaisang's study. The place was empty, much to Wei Wuxian's expectation. There were tons of brushes and books and drapped paintings of nature. Nothing like how Nie Mingjue used to keep it. It was surprising to know how Nie Mingjue was murdered by his own sworn brother, more surprising how Nie Huaisang found out the truth and came up with a revenge scheme. Wei Wuxian isn't glad to be a part of his master plan, but he doesn't mind to change a thing about it.

“Gongzi,” one of Nie Huaisang's subordinates- that looks painfully similar to the Ouyang servant- calls for his attention, “Lord Nie asked you to read this.”

The man hands Wei Wuxian a letter- he's been getting an awful lot of letters- that says, “Yilling laozu, if you want to save your son come see me in Yi city- Xue Yang.”

Is this some kind of joke? That had to be a joke. 

The next letter is clearly written by Nie Huaisang which says, “Wei Wuxian, it is not a joke. Your son is held hostage by Xue Yang. I swear I did not know that guy was alive and would mess up my plan. I don't know what that guy wants but he's been part of Jin Guangyao's dead restructuring plan. Be careful and I hope that you are calm.” 

Wei Wuxian would be calm after choking Nie Huaisang to death. Lan Zhan read the letter beside Wei Wuxian, and the poor man was barely holding his sanity. 

“I knew something was wrong!” Lan Zhan exasperated, slumping on the sect leaders desk. “A-Yuan wouldn't avoid me unless something happened.” He gripped on the table with such a might that the wooden surface started to crack. There was a dent shaped like half of his palm from where Lan Zhan held.

Nie Huaisang is a smart bastard, he knew Lan Zhan would have cracked his bones in half had he been near. The subordinate informed Wei Wuxian that their Lord had gone to Cloud recesses for some unsettled business. While they all knew he went there to hide his ass knowing very well Lan Zhan won't step in. 

Wei Wuxian pinches the bridge of his nose hoping to subside this new headache. He doesn’t even know who this Xue Yang guy is nor does he want to know what he wants from him. He just wants to save his precious little kid who had nothing to do with whatever the hell was going on. 

The Nie disciples provide them with a stallion to reach Yi city as soon as possible. Lan Zhan takes the reins to order the stallion with confidence and grace while Wei Wuxian sits behind Lan Zhan holding him tightly. The stallion was fast but Wei Wuxian missed flying on Suibian. Even if he had Suibian he'd not be able to fly on it with his weak golden core. Albeit, he's a bit glad he now has a golden core thanks to Mo Xuanyu’s sacrifice. 

Yi city is nothing like how it used to look before. From Wei Wuxian's weak memory he remembered the city being festive for its famous puppeteers and puppet plays. The city, as they walk in, engulfs them in smoke like fog. There is not a light nor a sound of another human being, as though abandoned. Lan Zhan holds him closer, alerted by a tapping noise of bamboo and footsteps. A girl of the same age of A-Yuan runs to them making weird noises. The girl jumps to them screaming and screeching as if she wanted to scare them off their wits. As soon as she discovers that the people she wanted to scare off were two six foot -or in Wei Wuxian’s case near six foot- tall men with threatening aura she scares herself off instead. Scared to her wits she stumbles on her own feet whimpering like the people with speaking disability. 

“You are not alive are you.” Wei Wuxian says pulling the girl up. He gets a closer look at her and his assumptions were right. The girl was long dead. Her pupils were white and her tongue looked like it was cut off while she was still alive if the blood smeared in her mouth was anything to go by. She was killed by human torture and her soul lurks around for unfulfilled wishes. But who would do something like this to a girl as frail as her?

“Xue Yang, I suppose.” Lan Zhan remarks with a grave look on his face. The lack of light and his angry expression makes him look ten times scarier than intended. If the girl could cry she would have bailed her eyes out by now.

She didn't cry luckily, she had also stopped whimpering. She moved her hands vaguely trying to say something to them as if she had her sanity despite being a ghost.

“You can understand us?” Wei Wuxian asked and the girl nodded. “Good. Do you know where Xue Yang is? Can you take us to them?” The girl nodded almost enthusiastically. She gets on her feet to take them around to where Xue Yang is.

“Have you seen a boy of your age? Is he safe?”  Lan Zhan asked the girl in a formal manner. The girl nodded again holding out two fingers. Wei Wuxian couldn’t understand if  two was supposed to mean two words or something else.

“I knew you'd bring them, A-Qing.” a playful voice of a man reached them from above. They were near a house surrounded by a high wall fence. The man- Xue Yang- sat atop the fence with one leg playfully kicking the air. With his creepy smirk the ghost of the girl disappeared in thin air. 

“Xue Yang, I suppose.” Wei Wuxian pulls out his flute in case he attacked. Although Xue Yang gave him errie shivers, nothing about the man's physique told him that he was capable of strong attacks. He looked like a thin malnourished boy who hasn't bathed for god knows how long. He looked like someone Wei Wuxian could bent in half with Mo Xuanyu’s strength if they were to have a hand to hand combat. 

“Yilling Laozu,” Xue Yang jumped down saying their name as a greeting, “and the illustrious, supposedly dead, Hanguang-jun.”  

The way he uttered Lan Zhan's name gave him shivers and an odd sense of killing intent grew in him. Xue Yang was not only thinner in muscles  but also shorter in height. He wanted to ask how could the guy muster up the courage to kidnap his A-Yuan and stand before him with no fear. 

“Where is my son?” Lan Zhan asked as calmly as a father could in front of their son's kidnappers. 

“Your son?” Xue Yang asked smirking, “I thought that was the Yilling laozu's son?” 

“He is our son, any question on that?” Wei Wuxian rebutted hating his insolent smirk.

Xue Yang laughed, “A love child of two men? That was not mentioned in the play!” 

Wei Wuxian had discreetly gathered resentment while they were chatting. He controlled the dense resent to form a whip with sharp tip stopping Xue Yang at an instant.

“Not so fast Wei Wuxian. You don't want to hurt the kids do you?” 

Wei Wuxian noted the mention of plural hostages. He took back the resentful whip demanding to show him his son. 

“Your son is unharmed for now.” Xue Yang walked in the house taking them to the yard. On the porch Wei Wuxian saw A-Yuan unconscious, tied up against a pillar, beside him was Lan Jingyi in the same state. Wei Wuxian will worry later how the loud Lan boy got stuck in this mess. He focused on the man in front of them holding a sword.

The man was in black clothings of a renowned cultivator. His skin looked ashen with cracks of black resent around his face, much similar to Wen Ning. His eyes were hazy and unfocused, telling Wei Wuxian that he was not in his mind. Right by his side was Wen Ning standing similarly, unfocused and out of his mind, like he was when he was under Jin control. Wei Wuxian pieced out who nailed Wen Ning’s head under Jin Guangyao's command. When they failed to control Wen Ning Jin Guangyao got rid of Xue Yang. The man was somehow still alive and menacing. 

“What did you do to him?” Lan Zhan demanded as soon as his eyes fell on his unconscious son. “What do you want?” 

“I want nothing from you. What I want is from the Yilling Laozu.” 

“What do you want from me?” 

“I want you to bring back someone from the realm of death.” 

“You know people just don't magically return back from death.”

“You did Wei Wuxian! If you can come back from death to suck dick anyone can!” 

“That was a rude assumption.” Wei Wuxian has yet to suck Lan Zhan's dick, though he should have by now. “I was brought back in exchange for someone's soul.” 

“I have enough souls to exchange for.” Xue Yang showed a soul trapping pouch, “how many souls do you need for one person.” 

“That depends on the person you want to bring back.” 

While Wei Wuxian keeps Xue Yang distracted with his chatter, he discreetly forms his resentful tentacle like tendril to reach A-Yuan and Jingyi. The tips of it shifted to a sharp blade, cutting the robes that tied two kids. As the ropes were cut loose his resentful tendril quickly grasped Bichen from where it was propped on and swiftly returned back. 

“Lan Zhan now!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, throwing Bichen to him as he ran to A-Yuan with his flute under his lips. He blew on his flute taking control over Wen Ning who- under Wei Wuxian's command- jumps off with the kids in his arms. At the same time Lan Zhan lunged at Xue Yang with Bichen pointing at his heart but the man in black robes blocked him with Xue Yang's command. 

“You tricked me!” 

Wei Wuxian laughed as he ran away from the housing, “You can't outsmart the Yilling Laozu.” 

The ghost girl appeared before him pointing to a certain direction. Wei Wuxian followed her lead, shouting to his beloved, “I'll keep the kids safe. Can you hold out?”

He gets a stern “Mn” as an reply making him giggle. Why wouldn't Lan Zhan of all people be able hold out with a wimpy looking kid like Xue Yang. Though the undead man worries Wei Wuxian, he'll get to its root once he's taken the kids to a safer place. 

He intrudes inside someone's home once their path gets blocked by corpses and their poisoning powder. The owner of the house they are in is also a victim of the corpse poisoning powder, though she holds no threat to them. She was a puppet master by the looks of countless puppets hanging on the ceiling.

“A-Yuan,” he caressed the boy's face running his hands through his hair. His face looked pale and sickened for what he had to go through. Once he sprinkled water on his face, A-Yuan's eyes fluttered open. The boy pulled him to a tight hug yelling loudly, “You're here!” 

Wei Wuxian hugged back, “Yes,yes. I'm here now.” 

“A-die, where is he?” A-Yuan looked around and then asked, “where are we now? Is he okay?” He pointed to dazed out Wen Ning. 

Wei Wuxian assured he'll be okay soon. First he had to get Lan Jingyi back to his senses and know how he got stuck in this whole mess. A-Yuan informs him how Xue Yang randomly started throwing knives and how he got caught. And how the Lan boy jumped in to save him from Xue Yang's hand while he was being held hostage. He couldn’t put up much of a fight with the other man knocking him out in a flash. 

“But what were you doing near Gusu prefecture and how did he suddenly jump in when you were in danger?” Wei Wuxian raised a brow that only made the kid avert gaze with sweat all over his face. 

“Let's wake him up first.” The boy tried changing the topic. 

“You're not hiding shit from me Sizhui.” Wei Wuxian splashed the rest of the water on Lan Jingyi without a care. He meant to threaten A-Yuan in a non threatening way. But the loud Lan boy somehow diverted his attention with his loudness.

“Oh my god where am I?” He gasped like a dying fish as he woke up. “Sizhui are you okay? Mo Xuanyu, What are you doing here? Oh lord what are those!? The ghost general is still here!?” 

Wei Wuxian would bet on losing dogs this boy was actually adopted in the Lan clan. He can not carry the Lan blood and just be like that. He was ungraceful, unquiet, uncomposed, just so so unLanlikely. His behavior- despite being unacceptable as a Lan- was not disliked by A-Yuan.

Wei Wuxian noticed how his boy giggled and smiled at the stupid Lan boy. A-Yuan wiped the water from the Lan boy's face with his sleeves, assured they were safe and no, those puppets over their head were not ghosts, and ghost general was not going to harm them. Wei Wuxian has seen all of A-Yuan's smiles and it was not a smile a boy would give to another boy, or to anyone. Wei Wuxian was not a oblivious teen anymore, he's a thirty something  year old man. Wei Wuxian knows love when it's there. He's experienced love first hand. For A-Yuan and Lan Jingyi, it's not love yet. Nevertheless, it's budding into something similar. He thought he was joking about the two of them crushing on each other. It certainly was not a joke anymore.

He left the young boys to their own and tended to Wen Ning. There were new nails in his head, exactly like the old ones. He requested the guy to go Lan Zhan and fight the dark robed man in his stead once brought back to his senses. 

“What beef does Xue Yang have with your father?” Lan Jingyi asked once he's properly back to senses. “He kept saying things about your father and some dead guy. Seriously he was the one executed! He was supposed to be executed, how is he still here?” 

“Why was he executed?” Wei Wuxian asked. 

Lan Jingyi gives a brief story about Xue Yang and his crimes and his association with the Jins. Jin Guangyao clearly let this psychopath live due to their alliance and his ability to control the dead. It still did not explain whom he wanted to restruct or why he wanted Wei Wuxian's help. 

The girl who has been quiet for as long as they've been hiding opens her disabled mouth to bring Wei Wuxian's attention to her. Lan Jingyi shrieks his heart out at her terrifying sound and sight, hiding behind A-Yuan. According to A-Yuan this was the same boy who jumped into danger to save his life. 

“She's no harm to us.” Wei Wuxian assured the kids. He tries to communicate with the girl but all his attempts fail. He resorted to empathy as the last resort, telling the A-Yuan to find his father if he doesn't wake up.

“What do you mean by that? I know it's risky, I can't let you do this.” The boy holds Wei Wuxian's hand from drawing blood. 

“What I mean is,” Wei Wuxian reassured with a smile “your father will know how to wake me up.” 

Hearing him A-Yuan blushed like Wei Wuxian said something perverted.  “Oh,” he says.

“Not like that, you little perv.” Wei Wuxian flicked  A-Yuan's forehead. He probably thought of some fairy tale stupidity like true love's kiss. “Have some shame.” 

Wei Wuxian looked at the visibly confused Lan boy. Sure his dimwit brain did not catch up to who this Mo Xuanyu really was. He'll leave the boy to his own devices. He asks,“You have a guqin right?” 

As Lan Jingyi nodded, Wei Wuxian assured A-Yuan once again. The boy understood his untold answers, letting him perform empathy.

In the end he didn't need Lan Zhan's help to wake him up. He wakes up with a gasp as Xue Yang peirce A-Qing’s heart in the empathy. Wei Wuxian underestimated Xue Yang's skills. He had to go there to save his beloved man after the tragedy he saw happening with Xiao Xichen and Song Lan.

Watching the tragedy in between the two men made Wei Wuxian's heart ache to see his lover. Wei Wuxian can't fathom the lost times and what they had to go through for where they are now. He can't let some psychotic punk incite the fear of losing Lan Zhan. Xue Yang must die.

He calls for ghosts to possess the puppets to make a way through the crowd of walking corpses. He advised the kids to be within the safe walls as he ran out for Lan Zhan. The puppets get rid of every walking corpse that comes across his path. The area was dense with fog for him to see anything clearly.

Wen Ning throws Song Lan to his feet and Wei Wuxian gets rid of the nails from his head with a swift swing of his hands. It'll take a long period of time for Song Lan to get his consciousness back. He ordered Wen Ning to keep an eye on the man as he followed Bichen's blue glint. With the lack of walking corpse Wei Wuxian failed to gather resentful energy as he previously did. His presence was not helping Lan Zhan at all. With the fog being so dense Lan Zhan was having a hard time fighting Xue Yang. 

“Lan Zhan, follow the bamboo tapping.” Wei Wuxian yelled. 

With his instructions Lan Zhan was able to pierce through Xue Yang's heart. He cut the arm that tried to attack A-Qing for what she did. 

Xue Yang's corpse lay lifeless as his blood painted the road.  Wei Wuxian quickly confesticated the imitation of the stygian tiger seal. Had Wei Wuxian not seen Xue Yang's past he'd have failed to guess the wimpy looking boy was holding such a dangerous object. He carefully held the pouch that held Xiao Xichen's shattered soul.

Xiao Xichen's  look of pure anguish once he found out he had killed his confidant flash before Wei Wuxian's eyes. How awful must have the man felt to be the one to kill someone he's cared for more than himself. Had that been Wei Wuxian, he too would have committed suicide. 

Much like he did after Jiang Yanli's death. 

He absolutely can not let history repeat itself with Lan Zhan. Wei Wuxian can't hurt Lan Zhan any further than he already has. He knows if something were to happen to Wei Wuxian, Lan Zhan would be the one suffering the most. Vice versa, Wei Wuxian would lose his sanity once again. 

His subconsciounesss took him to Lan Zhan. Wei Wuxian hugged the man as tears threatened to escape. Lan Zhan didn't ask what was wrong. He gently rested his hand atop Wei Wuxian's head, remaining as they were. 

“Your hand!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed with terror running through his veins. Lan Zhan's forearm was smeared with red blood. The cream white coloured robes had patches of red since the time Wei Wuxian saw him fighting Xue Yang. At first he thought it was Xue Yang's blood. Little did he know, the blood was Lan Zhan's own. 

Wei Wuxian's blood froze at the sight of Lan Zhan's blood. And the man had the audacity to show it and say, “I haven't fought for years. My skills rusted over time.” 

The cut was about an incense stick long. The depth was not enough to expose flesh but his skin was sliced horribly. Blood had stopped trickling down thanks to Lan Zhan's strong golden core. Yet Wei Wuxian's heart was inconsolable. His mind whirled in all the wrong ways. He kept blaming himself, uttering “It's my fault. It's all my fault. I left you alone. I left you to fight alone. I stained your robes with blood again.”   The fear of being the reason for Lan Zhan's demise resurfaced. He kept asking himself why? Why'd he let himself be so close to the man? Why did he not run away when he had the chance? Why was he so weak? If he kept being near Lan Zhan he'll bring more trouble to him. 

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan shakes him out of his terror-filled chain of thoughts. Lan Zhan looked at him with tears in his eyes. “Are you listening to yourself?” 

Lan Zhan heard everything Wei Wuxian had been murmuring to himself. How does Wei Wuxian manage to hurt the man time after time. When will he learn to take a logical approach to every bad situation. 

“Right, I'll just-” Wei Wuxian took hold of the bloodied forearm to transfer the whole cut to him. Just as he was about to cast the curse Lan Zhan jerked his hand away. 

“Wei Ying!” The man yelled at him. A single tear drop rolled down his. “I'm fine.” 

“But your hand-” 

“It's a small cut, please.” He exhaled, dropping his head. He kept his eyes shut, holding Wei Wuxian's hand tightly. 

“A-die!” Wei Wuxian heard A-Yuan calling. “You're hurt!?” 

The boy came running to his father alongside the Lan boy. The young teens had a milder reaction to Lan Zhan's injury compared to Wei Wuxian. A-Yuan inspected the cut before his father could bring himself to speak. The boy Wei Wuxian kept calling a child acted much calmer like an adult in the face of emergency. He fished out a vial of liquid, sprinkling it carefully over the cut. Once the cut was lathered with the liquid, he took the hems of his sleeve to his mouth.

“Wait wait Sizhui!” The Lan boy stopped him from tearing his clothes. “I have gauze clothes if you need.” As a Lan disciple, Lan Jingyi carried nessccery aids for unexpected wounds. He lent his white medical clothes to bind the raging cut. 

Somehow, teens were better at dealing tough situations than Wei Wuxian. 

“It'd be awful if the cut got infected.” A-Yuan smiled as he finished his binding. Without any thought, he took the two men in his embrace, uncaring of the dead body that lies near their feet or the other other boy gawking at them. Wei Wuxian felt Lan Zhan hug them together with his strong arms. He whispered in his softest,most vulnerable voice, “I'm glad you're both unharmed.”

Lan Zhan turned his gaze to Lan Jingyi with the same apathetic look he gave when he first saw Wei Wuxian in Mo Xuanyu’s body. It is a look that means, I'm thankful to you for helping my son but your presence is no longer needed. 

“Zewu-jun- no I mean! Cang Xiangshen!” Lan Jingyi bowed his head as low as he could. His face was paler than before with confusion clear in his face.Of course the boy was going to mistake Lan Zhan as Zewu-jun, especially with the white ribbon still tied around his head.

“Uhhh…. Jingyi,” A-Yuan looked torn between wanting to reveal everything and keeping things secret. He exhaled out as he revealed, “These are my fathers.” 

“Fathers?!” Lan Jingyi exclaimed, putting an emphasis on the s, darting his eyes from Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan and their intertwined hands. 

Wei Wuxian also takes note of the emphasis on the usage of s in the word. His heart soared up with euphoria to be considered A-Yuan's father alongside Lan Zhan. How foolish of him. He kept running away at the first sight of complications though fate had proved time to time that running away makes it worse. All his life he dealt with obstacles alone, never allowing himself to lean on anyone when Lan Zhan had always been waiting for him, arms ready to hold him. He kept needing to remind himself he was not alone, he had a shoulder to rest on. He had people to call his family, he had a home to return to. 

“Yes!” Wei Wuxian elated with a huge grin. He snaked his arm around A-Yuan's neck declaring shamelessly, “We are his fathers.” 

“Ah… that is… uhhh.. Great!” Abashed out at the shameless declaration, Lan Jingyi sputtered random words, making Wei Wuxian laugh his heart out. 

“Xue Yang's corpse,”  Lan Zhan says, diverting everyone's attention. “It needs to be known to the authorities.” He looked at the head disciple of Lan with a slight disappointment as he asked him to illuminate clan sigil to call his seniors. At last, he adds, “Don't tell your seniors about us.” 

“Yes! Cang Xiangshen!” The poor boy bowed perfectly. He was still in disbelief that the man in front of him was not his sect leader even though he looked just like him. “Please tell this disciple what he should say instead.” 

“I don't know.” Lan Zhan replied with close to no seriousness. What he added later blew Wei Wuxian's mind, “You should learn to lie for occasions such as this.” 

Not only was Lan Zhan breaking the rules of his clan, but he was also teaching his successor to break the rules. Wei Wuxian was ready to tease the man for what he did. Only stopped remembering the shit he said just a few moments ago. 

Lan Jingyi was astonished with such advice. He blurted out, “ But Zewu-jun it's punishable to lie and covet truth.” 

It annoyed the hell out of Wei Wuxian that the stupid Lan boy kept mistaking Lan Zhan as Zewu-jun. Wei Wuxian forgot decency and took off the white ribbon from Lan Zhan's forehead with a quick tug. He says, “Young master Lan, this man here is not your Zewu-jun. He is a thousand times more handsome and infinitely more funny.” 

Lan Jingyi looked like Wei Wuxian flashed porn to his virgin eyes. He turned a tomato as he sputtered nonsense once again. Having nothing to subside his embarrassment he activates the illuminating talisman, a cue for Lan Zhan to leave the place as soon as possible.

They find Song Lan as A-Yuan bids his goodbyes to his weird friend. Wei Wuxian hands over the soul of Xiao Xichen's to Song Lan who takes an oath to nourish the soul. A-Qing’s body starts to fade into light. Her wish was fulfilled and she was ready to pass on to the other realm. 

Wei Wuxian shared the tragic story of Xiao Xichen and Song Lan to his beloved Lan Zhan and A-Yuan as they headed back to Qinghe. On their way back Lan Zhan remained mostly silent other than a few remarks regarding the two cultivators. A-Yuan shoot him concerned eyes and indeed he caught on something. He knew something had happened between them once again. Wei Wuxian assured the boy silently when the sun set and they put a halt to their journey. 

They've reached Qinghe province resting at an Inn. The stallion catches a lot of attention making the Innkeepers think they are somewhat rich people. They treat them to the best of their rooms and foods with no extra charge. Wei Wuxian does all the talking with Lan Zhan keeping his silence.

Dinner was fine. A-Yuan hadn't had a single meal since yesterday. Lan Zhan doesn't ask why he was in Gusu nor does he smile like he used to. The tension between the three of them kept growing along with the darkness of night. It was the first time since his return that Wei Wuxian had a dinner with such gloom. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian held Lan Zhan's hand as soon as they entered the inn room. Lan Zhan locks the door before turning his attention to Wei Wuxian. “I know what I said upset you. And I'm sorry for what I said. It was all nonsensical blabbering. I promise I won't do that again.”

Lan Zhan took Wei Wuxian's hands in his. He spoke with a barely audible voice, “I'm not upset with you.” 

“You are upset.” 

“Not with you.” 

“But with what I said.” 

Lan Zhan does not deny. He avoids meeting Wei Wuxian's eyes, too afraid to show his bare expression.  Wei Wuxian is met with a silence he never learned to accept. At one point of life he accepted that heavy silence in his life. And that point of life was not lived like a human. Perhaps he should learn to live according to the silence, make amends with the hollow feeling of his heart. 

Lan Zhan seated himself before the table with paper and ink. Wei Wuxian did not pry on the man, giving him the time he needed for himself. He seated himself on the window sill, taking the flute on his lips, blowing and tuning on the melody that is said to be composed by  Lan Zhan. Never once did he play the tune for the composer. The quietness of their close yet distant breaths suited the atmosphere.

Wei Wuxian remembered the time Lan Zhan had sung this song for him. He couldn’t not recall the lyrics of the song  but he's certain his composition was faultless.

They weren't even adults back when Lan Zhan and him were stuck in that cave. Wei Wuxian demanded Lan Zhan sing him a song, the boy had sung his heart out then. Had Wei Wuxian knew that song was not a fever dream, had he knew the song itself was a confession he'd have flown to Gusu the next he opened his eyes. Wei Wuxian wondered, had they been together after the Xuanwu slaughter would all the tragedies that happened still surface? Would things go the same way it did? 

There was no use in thinking what could not be undone. He wanted to focus on what he has, the present with Lan Zhan and the uncertain future where he wants Lan Zhan to remain. 

“Did you remember the name?” Lan Zhan wanted to know as the melody came to its end. 

Wei Wuxian taped his nose, being glad that Lan Zhan was speaking to him, he releculently replied “No.” 

With his reply Lan Zhan huffed, like he knew Wei Wuxian would say no. He gestured Wei Wuxian to come near him and Wei Wuxian was more than happy to do so. Once he was near Lan Zhan, the man, took him in his arms, pulling him closer to his chest.He was practically sitting on Lan Zhan’s lap. The man gave Wei Wuxian the paper he was writing with a hint of blush, “Wangxian.”

“Huh?”

“The name.” 

The name of the melody, the song Lan Zhan composed, was named after them, Wangxian. The naming was so endearing itself that Wei Wuxian had to cover his face for he did not know how to act at the face of love. It also made him giggle, the name being parts of their names combined.

“It's a cute name.” Wei Wuxian mentions with a wide smile and tears stuck on his eyelids. He opens the paper that Lan Zhan handed him like a shy maiden giving a handkerchief to the guy she liked. 

The paper contained a letter addressed to him. At first Wei Wuxian was surprised. His shock slowly melted as Lan Zhan gazed at him abashed yet hopeful eyes. As Wei Wuxian silently read the letter as Lan Zhan nuzzled his face on the crook of his neck.

The letter read, 

Wei Ying,

My Wei Ying, my happiness, my one and only, how else shall I address you. Though I've been known to be eloquent for all my life, I fall short on words when it's you I have to convey myself to. My thoughts are indistinct and nebulous every time you are near me. I regret not being able to speak to you, I'm remorseful of every failed conversation. I have learned to step out of my comfort to voice what is needed to be voiced. My attempts at learning to speak dispite the discomfort has yet failed me once again. However hard I try I'm unable to make a sound. Thus is the reason of me writing to you. 

My love, it is certainly true that the words you spoke hurt my heart. I do not hold you accountable for the pain you've caused unintentionally. But my beloved, I beg you not to hurt me consciously. If you give up on yourself to meet my eyes I'll be nothing but a tyrant. If you wish to travel alone, you may. If you wish not to bind yourself to the shackles of filial duty, you may. If you wish to be free and wild, you are free and wild. Do know that whatever your choices are, I'd love you the same. Do not force yourself to be someone you are not. Do not bind yourself to me out of gratitude. Be as you are, follow your heart. My devotedness of admiration for you will only grow and never decline. And one day, if you feel tired, return back home, my doors will be open for you. 

Your forever devotee,

Lan Wangji, Lan Zhan.

Wei Wuxian's tears rolled down to the paper smudging the ink from its perfectly shaped characters. Lan Zhan gave his everything to keep the relationship they had secured. He was willing to let Wei Wuxian go if he ever wished to,uncaring of his own feelings. He'd rather be left alone once again than have a fake, illusion of happiness. Wei Wuxian loved the man so much that he was ready to kill a part of himself. He didn’t know Lan Zhan feared it beforehand. Had he made acquaintance with the unbearable silence he'd have surely tortured Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan accepted him the way he was, Lan Zhan wanted him despite the ugly parts of him. The knowledge of Lan Zhan loving him whole choked him with happiness. He sobbed out his beloved's name wanting nothing but to hide in his chest. 

His beloved pulled him deep in his chest. His arms encircled around Wei Wuxian. He kissed the top of his head as Wei Wuxian failed to stop himself from sobbing his heart out.

“You are the best,” Wei Wuxian murmured burrowing in his chest, “Lan Zhan, I don't wish to leave. I want to stay. I want to stay with you till we get old, till our hair turns gray. I want to sleep with you every day, wake up to you everyday. I want to spend my everyday life with you. I want to do mundane household chores with you. I want your home to be my home too. I want us to be a family.” He perks up to press a kiss on Lan Zhan’s lips, “And I'm not saying all this out of gratitude. These are my sincere wishes. As an orphan I had always dreamt of having a family, having a home to return to. And you gave me that, a family and a home. Lan Zhan, I love you. I love you in a way that makes me want to be your wife.”

Lan Zhan pulled him back for a deeper kiss. He picked Wei Wuxian in his arms and carried him to the bed. The fervor of a hungry beast returned back with no warning. Wei Wuxian was stripped off his robes as the man swallowed his moans. Lan Zhan mauled on him like a starving wolf. His hands kneaded the soft flesh of Wei Wuxian’s chest and stomach. He was exposed as bare as an infant child with not a thread covering him. Sparks ignited as Lan Zhan fondled his ass and thighs. His cock erect upwards wanting and waiting. Lan Zhan's hand roam around his body with no destiny. Wei Wuxian tugs the man closer to his bosom. He slides off the robes from Lan Zhan's shoulders speaking in a tone that's licentious to his own ears, “Why are you being so civil, lao-gong?”

If Lan Zhan was not aroused before he surely was after being called husband. His hard cock poked Wei Wuxian's inner thigh with the pants being their only barrier. Wei Wuxian knew how to tease, how to incite the man. He wanted to see Lan Zhan, bare before him, lose all his graciousness, lost in pure lust and desire for him. Wei Wuxian enclasped Lan Zhan with both his arms and legs, locking himself with the man. He arched his back making his erection rub against Lan Zhan's hot skin. He whispered in Lan Zhan’s ears with a sultry voice he didn't know he could manifest. “Husband, don't you want your skin to touch mine? Don't you want to love your wife like the savages of jungles? Don't you want to make love to me with no constraints?”

“Mark your words.” Is all Lan Zhan says before pinning him on the mattress, stripping himself in a blink. He takes hold of Wei Wuxian's thighs, gripping them with a force that was going to bruise. He was bent in half with feets upheaved in the air as his hands clenched the bedsheet anticipating whatever Lan Zhan wanted to do. Lan Zhan spread his ass cheeks exposing his chrysanthemums. Just as his cock touched the skin of his ass, Wei Wuxian shouted with fear, “Wait!”

Lan Zhan-though driven by lust- had the mind to listen to Wei Wuxian. He waited for Wei Wuxian to speak.

Wei Wuxian anticipated the unknown. His knowledge about cut sleeves is close to none. He thought there were only intimate hugs and blowjobs or touching each other's meaty swords. He knew Lan Zhan- as shy as he acts- knows more about cut sleeve sex than him. He did not know what he was expecting but it was definitely not that. “That does not go in there, right?” 

At first Lan Zhan was confused by his question, albeit he nodded impatiently.

“Lan Zhan, are you sure?” fright was evident in Wei Wuxian's voice. How could he not be frightened? Lan Zhan's dick was huge and it was thick. No way in hell could a stick so fat and big could go in a slit so tight and small. How was that sexy? 

“Relax.” Lan Zhan soothed him with his calm voice.  

Wei Wuxian gulped and shut his eyes in defeat, “I trust you, okay.” He embraced himself to be thrusted with the divine Hanguang-jun's dick. He waits, one heartbeat, two heartbeat, and then a third heartbeat, the thrust never came. In place of a painful thrust Wei Wuxian feels somewhat hot skin touch his hole. Wei Wuxian was not prepared to see the scene before him. Lan Zhan had inclined down to lick his frowning rim with his tongue. As the knowledge sinked in Wei Wuxian let out a loud  shriek.

“Lan Zhan!” He yelled, clenching his buttock’s muscles, “What the hell are you doing!” 

Lan Zhan paid no heed to his yelling. He spread Wei Wuxian's ass on contrary to his clenching, licking the hole. The sensation of hot, moist, soft tongue lapping somewhere so indecent sparked his body with arousal. He kept muttering Fuck, fuck, as his dick leaked with precum. “What the fuck, Lan Zhan. You're shameless, absolutely shameless. You used to punish me for promiscuity! Who the fuck is being promiscuous now! Ahh- fuck- that's so hot what the fuck.” 

Wei Wuxian's blabbering did nothing but accelerate Lan Zhan's incontinence. He licked the now laxed rim with a ferocious pressure. His saliva trickled down his hole, coating him sticky wet. Lan Zhan trailed down with his tongue, biting Wei Wuxian's soft ass with no mercy. He continued doing the same following his thighs and coming back to his ass, disregarding Wei Wuxian's protests of calling him mean, brute, dog.

“You're gonna pierce my ass with those fangs. Is my ass a chew toy- Ahhg you'll eat me! Are you so hungry? Am I the best meal you've had your entire life?”

Wei Wuxian's viewpoint spins with Lan Zhan turning him upside down. He lies on his chest with his ass perked up to the sky. One of Lan Zhan's hands kept his upper body pinned with the mattress as the other groped his ass. His tongue continues its travel, from the dip of his lower back, to the jutted bones of his spine. He sucks on a place near his scapula where Lan Zhan mentioned of a mole. Wei Wuxian's head rested on the pillow, he almost submerged into slumber.

Lan Zhan took advantage of his laxness. Having his buttocks relaxed he thrusted his cock in without a warning. 

“Argh- Warn a man!” Wei Wuxian wanted to sound angry for being penetrated when he was about to fall asleep but his complaints came out more like a whimper. 

Lan Zhan reached his ears, puffing heavy breaths that made Wei Wuxian shiver more, he panted as he spoke, “Stay like this.” He didn't mean stay put in the bed, “Stay with me.” 

Lan Zhan wanted him to stay. It was not a decree nor a command, it was a sincere plea from the core of his heart. Wei Wuxian wanted to say, I will stay, I'm begging to stay with you, but all he could do was let out a throaty cry. He failed to generate a proper word, turning his head to reach out for a kiss. Lan Zhan kissed his mouth slowly as his cock moved in further, gulping the moans Wei Wuxian made. His hand found Wei Wuxian's neglected cock, holding it, caressing it, stroking it from the tip to the base. Wei Wuxian reached his climax very easily. Splattering white fluids on Lan Zhan’s hand and his own stomach. He lost the strength to keep his head propped up for their kiss. Lan Zhan lay his head resting on the pillow with a sloppy kiss on his jaw. He went back thrusting his cock in Wei Wuxian's hole, expanding his ass.

Wei Wuxians mind was intoxicated with his first climax. His body trembled with the heightened sensation of hot skin piercing inside him. He felt like his insides were being ripped apart yet somehow it stretched overwhelmingly perfect. With his body shuddering, eyes shut with a stream of tears, he couldn’t help but tighten his muscles around Lan Zhan. With each clench Lan Zhan would hiss and gripp his ass tighter. The thought of Lan Zhan's discomfort around Wei Wuxian's inside involuntarily made him declench his muscles. Heart soft for the man; he'd accept the pain if it meant for Lan Zhan's pleasure. 

“Lao gong,” he wailed breathly, “Does it feel good inside me? Tell me, does it feel good to deflower your virgin wif- nnghg!” 

He couldn’t finish speaking with Lan Zhan thrusting his dick harder. It hit a spot that Wei Wuxian suddenly discovered he liked. The sudden thrust rippled waves of pleasure through his spine to his whole body. The cock that had gone soft after its first climax became hard once again. “That's it! Like that!” Wei Wuxian grinned, wriggling his waist and ass.

Lan Zhan followed his approval by withdrawing his cock out of his hole. Before Wei Wuxian could complain about the lack of stretch he was being thrusted with fiercer strength. “Fuck- Good! Yes! Lan Zhan be good and do that!”

Lan Zhan fucked him with continuous deep plunges, making Wei Wuxian twitch in both pain and pleasure. He bit the pillow with his teeth, clenching jaws so hard that his jaw might break. 

“I can't believe it!” Wei Wuxian spoke to save his teeth from breaking. In between his heavy breathing, he said, “Why didn’t we do this the moment we met!  Why didn't we do fuck like this when we were horny teens! All those youthful stamina was wasted touching myself! Why didn't you fuck me earlier Lan Zhan! You were so strong I'd have submitted to you. And with your silencing spell I couldn't even scream! None would have known!”

“That-” Lan Zhan said in between his thrusts, “-would be rape.” 

“Who cares!” Wei Wuxian complained, “You are the second heir, who would have listened to my accusations. You could have tied me up, drag me to some quite corner and fuck me day and night to your hearts content- aggh! Go softer! It's my first time!” 

The cruel man did not go any softer. His grip over Wei Wuxian's ass was so hard that his ass was already numb with pain. He has been arched in the same position of what felt like hours, his back started to ache. He lamented in his mind for his old age. Had they been young teens they could have stayed in the same position for a whole day. “Er-gege, my good Lan Zhan, have mercy on this old man, my back is starting to hurt.” 

Lan Zhan had the good heart to spare him of his misery. He pulled out his cock, leaving Wei Wuxian with the sticky ass. He pivoted Wei Wuxian's waist to lay him on his back once again. His aching back felt a brief relief with the constriction, though Wei Wuxian was not completely spared.

Lan Zhan took his thighs, making him hook his legs over the man's broad shoulders. He restricted Wei Wuxian's hand, pinning them over his head with one hand, as the other helped his cock re-enter his hole.

With the new position Wei Wuxian could look and marvel at Lan Zhan's beautiful face. Under the candle lights his body glowed reddish orange like ripe plum. Blush tinted the corner of his eyes like he'd been awfully bullied by someone. The vulnerable look stirred Wei Wuxian's heart with mischief regardless of the consequences. He pulled the man closer tugging on his hair. He spoke engrossed in lust that failed the pleasers of brothels, “My sweetheart, my lord, you make love to me so good.” Wei Wuxian got the reaction he wanted. Lan Zhan's blush spread to his neck as Wei Wuxian continued.

“Admit it, you are doomed in my enchantment. To do such a lascivious crime before marriage. You are raping me now as I beg you to stop. How filthy of you Hanguang-jun. Am I so desiring that you can not stop yourself- ngh!” Wei Wuxian gulped down the thunder striking pleasure that threatened to choke him. Yet he did not stop, biting his lips he continued, “You, you want to stop but you can't. You feel so good inside me. You've been seeking warmth and now you've found it in me. You feel so good that you want your cock stuck in me.”

Lan Zhan couldn't take his teasing. His thrusts became more and more deeper that Wei Wuxian felt his insides move altogether. He felt as though insects were crawling in his flesh. He let out another cry of his climax, messing their bodies with sweat and cum.

This time Wei Wuxian begged nicely, “Er-gege, how strong is your libido? How come you last so long when I cum two times. Spare me, have mercy.”

“If you,” Lan Zhan growled with gritted teeth, Wei Wuxian had crossed his limits, for how the veins of the man's head throbbed, “-wanted me to stop, you should have shut your mouth.”

“Ah- but I have a mouth to speak, how can I ever shut myself. You should have shut me up. Come on, let go. We can do this more. We have all the time to ourselves. But let's not do this everyday.” 

“No,” Lan Zhan said leaning closer to his face. He smiled through his short heavings, blushing red and drunk in the smell of Wei Wuxian's aphrodisic scent, “Everyday means everyday.”

Wei Wuxian knew from the very beginning he was the one doomed for life. In madness or tranquility Wei Wuxian would let Lan Zhan do anything to him. He'd let Lan Zhan ravish him every hour if he wanted. Not that Wei Wuxian hated being ravished by the love of his two entire lives.

Chapter Text

Lan Wangji saw Wei Ying's bruised skin when they were young and fifteen. The rough texture of wooden flog intricated to Wei Ying's sun-tanned but pale skin, purple like a overripe plum, like the color of his sect. Lan Wangji had wished he never waited at the roofs to catch the rule breaking mischievous boy;  had he not, he'd not have to watch him being beaten by his side. 

Lan Wangji saw Wei Ying's skin scorched and branded with inflamed iron, blood oozing through his scalded flesh. Wei Ying prided himself for the mark he obtained from saving a maiden. Lan Wangji wished he didn’t. 

Lan Wangji saw Wei Ying's body bruised and bloodied far too many times for him to beg the heavens to not let a single fly hurt the man he loved so much. 

He'd never thought he'd ever be enchanted by the looks of bruise marks on Wei Ying’s body, to want to leave more marks of himself on the other man's skin.

Red, purple, and blue cottings of blood in Wei Ying's neck, collar bones, chest, shoulders, back, and hips. Shapes of his teeth dented on his ass and thighs. He could make out the silhouette of his fingers from where he gripped too hard. He doesn’t find himself guilty or remorseful for what he did, rather entranced with adoration for how peacefully Wei Ying sleeps bearing those marks as a part of him.

Lan Wangji's fingers idly trace the shape of those marks. Prowling along the ups and downs of Wei Ying's frame, his slim waist and swelling soft buttocks. His fingers mindlessly pressed the plush ass where Lan Wangji had bitten like an undomesticated dog. Without a forethought he inclined to kiss that bitten place and irritationaly did he let his tongue free. 

“Eek- Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying flinched awake as soon as his tongue sweeped upon him. “Early in the morning while I'm asleep?!” 

“It's not early.” Lan Wangji crawled up to meet Wei Ying face to face. As he reached Wei Ying's line of  sight, the man gasped, enlarging his dopey eyes. He looked at Lan Wangji as though they've not been together for half a month now, as though it was the first time Wei Ying was watching him. Lan Wangji could not disagree, however long they've been by each other's side, it never felt enough for how long they've been separated by ill fate. As they stare at each other's eyes their heartbeat synchronizes, getting louder in each beat. Weakened by his own heart Lan Wangji melts down on Wei Ying, kissing his lips in the haze of warmth. 

Before Lan Wangji could grind his body against Wei Ying, the man yanked him away by his hair, forcing him out of their kiss with a loud ‘pop’ sound. “You crazy man!” Wei Ying chided with a barely contained smile, “You made me come three times when you only came once. And now you're rutting again!”  Lan Wangji failed to form a coherent thought with Wei Ying whirling him around, pressing Lan Wangji on the mattress as he crawled himself up on his body. Sitting on top of Lan Wangji he says planting his hands on Lan Wangji’s chest, “Yilling laozu will return for a rematch,” he says with a devilish smirk that instantly turns Lan Wangji on with arousal. The man as mischievous as his teen self, wiggles his ass on Lan Wangji’s arousal declaring with high confidence, “Yilling Laozu will make Hanguang-jun come ten times in a row.” 

Lan Wangji could not imagine how Wei Ying plans to do that. Though the promise of being intimate makes his heart soar and his cock throb. He wanted to get into work just then. If not for Wei Ying suddenly hissing like he's going through unmeasurable pain, Lan Wangji might have done something. 

“What is it?!” Lan Wangji asked out of alert, cradling Wei Ying in his arms. 

“Fuck,” Wei Ying cursed. He calmed down as soon as he hissed. “It's fine, I'm fine now.” 

Though he didn't look like he was bearing pain secretly, he didn't look fine either. Lan Wangji pleaded sincerely, “Please be honest.”

Hearing his plea Wei Ying smiled with an effort, “I am the most honest with you, I swear.” He showed the arm with his last curse mark saying, “It flared up abruptly.” 

A curse mark flaring up was no good indication. They can't pass time idly, kissing each other. If Lan Wangji had to make sure of Wei Ying's stay he'll  have to accept a little blood shed with no hesitation. “Can we not end this soon?” He asked not hiding his impatience.  

Wei Ying giggled as an answer. They both knew the length of consequences if Wei Ying killed Jin Guangyao out of the blue. Not only will it make people's fear for Yilling Laozu increase, his nephew will have to face a great challenge as the heir. They still have to learn about the fake stygian tiger seal and the things it can do. With all, he can only breathe freely once Mo Xuanyu’s last wish is fulfilled and Wei Ying's soul inhabits the body as his own. 

After getting presentable, bathed clean off, they step outside to find A-Yuan, their son. It's a thrilling feeling to call A-Yuan their son. He's always known A-Yuan wanted Wei Ying to be someone more than just a person who saved his life. He wanted to be someone more closer to Wei Ying. A-Yuan, being as confident as he is, seized the opportunity to mold a relationship without consulting the other party. Knowing Wei Ying, he's been more than happy about it.Lan Wangji had not thought A-Yuan would declare Wei Ying as his father in front of his friend. 

Speaking of friend, he has a lot of questions regarding that friendship. He had never been super strict to his son. The one thing he's been strict about was about avoiding his clan. When he learned about A-Yuan's encounter with the Lan clan he saw it as nothing but unavoidable ill fate. When Wei Ying mentioned little A-Yuan having a crush on some Lan boy he had thought it was one of his mindless jokes. Later it seemed to appear that Wei Ying certainly was not joking. Lan Wangji hopes he's wrong when he saw his son smiling and giggling shyly at the boy that's supposed to be the head disciple of the Lan sect. 

He wanted to refrain his son from getting closer to that boy. But when he saw his son bored out of his mind, shoving a tanghulu in his mouth and his cheeks stuffed with the fruits like hamsters, he couldn’t bring himself to be stern. The boy jumped to Lan Wangji like a fawn, playful and full of delight that he forgot what he was about to repermind on. 

“Show me your hand.” A-Yuan asked, he did not wait for Lan Wangji to give his hand. A-Yuan took Lan Wangji’s hand by himself, exposing his forearm. The place where the wound was supposed to be was smooth like it was never sliced. “It healed sooner than expected!” 

“You seem to know quite a lot about medicine and healing,” stated Wei Ying. They walked over to the dining tables for a late breakfast as the two spoke with familiarity. 

“Min laoshi taught me a few healing arts and such.” 

“Who's that?” 

“I remember telling you about him.” A-Yuan huffs with a smile, as if tired of reminding Wei Ying of the things he always forgets. “The headmaster of the nursery. He's also a local physician. I asked him once if he could teach- I mean- ahh.” As he spoke with Wei Ying his face grew red and redder. His eyes wandered over somewhere to Wei Ying's shoulder and neck as he stuttered. “Let's- let's head back to the sect, shall we? I- uh- I will go ahead. Bye.”

Lan Wangji was baffled by his sudden awkward leave. He couldn’t stop his son from mounting bichen and flying off with a speed he didn't know his son have mastered so soon. On the other hand Wei Ying was losing his composure with uncontrollable giggles and laughter. When he found Lan Wangji confused he wiped his tears, speaking with a smirk, “Looks like our son is mortified with the knowledge of his parents love- making.”

Only then did Lan Wangji realized why his son suddenly turned red. The bite marks on Wei Ying’s neck and throat were screaming for attention. It was obvious to A-Yuan, who is sixteen, knows how and from whom those marks came to be. Only then did Lan Wangji feel a drop of shame for sullying his son's eyes. No child would want to see the evidence of their parents' intimate moments, would they? Though Wei Ying looked like he was planning to do just that.

“I'm telling you Yilling laozu had a reason to kill.” voices from the table behind them caught their attention. The dining space of the inn was small with tables stacked near each other. With one turn he could face the other table and stop those who speak ill of Wei Ying. Wei Ying stopped him from doing so with a firm squeeze on his arms. They sat quietly, waiting for their food to be served. From their peripheral view, they saw two pairs of young adults debate among themselves. They yawned from time to time for Lan Wangji to understand that those teens had not slept the previous night. 

“Are you justifying a massacre of three thousand?” one of the boys asked to his friend. 

“I'm not saying he was right.” The girl defended herself loudly, “But if I was protecting a bunch of olds and youngs from those golden robed bastards, and people killed them for something I did, I too would kill everyone.” 

The words were spoken hushedly yet she was loud enough for her words to reach Wei Ying and his ears. They looked at each other with confusion and alert, not fully understanding what the lady said. Why and how does she know the Yilling Laozu was not creating a Wen army but protecting olds and youngs.

“We don't even know if  “Fallen from grace” is really based on the truth.” The other girl spoke in a nasal tone.

Of course they had been speaking of that damned tale. Wei Ying face palmed himself with the same realization. They had known the writer of the tale of Hanguang-jun and Yilling Laozu, which was written by none other than Nie Huaisang. So much has happened after coming across the Nie sect leader that they forgot to hold him accountable for the atrocities he was doing. 

“It has to be.” The other boy demanded. “Why else would a new version of that tale drop each week? The author is taking cautious steps to reveal the truth to everyone.” 

“Or Xing xiong,  you are being delirious about the whole love story.” 

“It was a mere love story at first. But now do you not notice the instabilities of the major sects.” 

“I heard the Lan sect leader is furious. He's doing everything to stop the tale from spreading.” 

“Of course he would. His brother's reputation is at stake.” 

“Wang ge, you only care about reputation. Can you not care about our feelings for once.” The girl with the nasal tone whined. 

“Fine.” The boy named Wang huffed. “I agree that the recent events made the sects flurried unreasonably.” 

“See! I'm damn sure the sects were hiding their ugly truth of killing innocent Wens.” 

“But the Wens are Wens. How can any Wen be innocent.” 

“Wang xiong!” The boy named Xing gasped, “Are you calling little children criminals for their surname.”

“I'm not saying children should be killed-”

“But they did! They killed innocent children for being born in the Wen clan.” 

“Ughh- all this would not have happened if Yilling Laozu just married Hanguang-jun.” The girl with nasal tone whined again making Wei Ying choke on his soup.

“Pfft- meimei, do you think that old Lan would agree. He'd rather have his nephew's head.” 

Hearing Xing say that Wei Ying snorted. He was so invested in their gossip that he forgot to eat his own meal and Lan Wangji had to feed him.

“And their marriage wouldn't have fixed shit.” The other girl with a bolder voice and a much vulgar words, spoke with a serious monotone voice. “ Criminals or not, those Wens were destined to die. It was foolish of Yilling Laozu to gamble on a lost piece.”

“Jing jie, aren't we getting a little too serious?” 

Wei Ying stood up abruptly, making the teens flinch and stop their gossip. He kept his gaze fixed on the table of bowls and plates. The kids from the other table looked at him with alert eyes, hushedly blaming each other.

Wei Ying sighed, “Let's go.”

They headed back for the unclean realm on the horse back. Wei Ying sat in front as Lan Wangji directed the reins with his chest plastered to Wei Ying's back. The gossip made one thing certain that Nie Huaisang had made another version of the tale mentioning the Wens under Wei Ying’s care. Lan Wangji had so many things for Nie Huaisang to confront about. But as soon as they reached the back gates of the Unclean realm, Nie Huaisang hurried them elsewhere. 

“I know you want to kill me but please do that later! We have much pressing danger!” 

“Fuck that you're the one that's in danger.” Wei Ying had yet to let go of Nie Huaisang's collars.

“The major sects called for an urgent meeting and it's going to be held here!” 

Hearing, Wei Ying let go of the terrified man. Nie Huaisang has grown up to be an unpredictable man for Lan Wangji to not be able to detect lies. He says one thing while having something else in his mind and Lan Wangji can't decipher him as well as he could decipher others.

“I swear I'm telling the truth. Zewu-jun will be here soon!” 

Lan Xichen was the last person Lan Wangji wanted to face. He'd rather trust the deceiving Nie than coming face to face with his own brother. 

“What about Jiang Cheng?” Wei Ying asked as they hurried to a quiet corner of the Unclean realm. It's not as neatly decorated with statues and ponds as the inner sects. The place must be reserved for inner family members which the Nie clan deprives of. 

When Wei Ying learned that Jiang Wanyin was going to be present at the meeting he looked overthrown. In the quietness of an unfamiliar house they sat together uncomfortably.

“I… I'm going to spy on the meeting.” Wei Ying declared after a lot of hesitation. 

“Then I'm coming with you.” added Lan Wangji.

Once again they fell in the loop of argumentative care saying it's not safe for the other one to spy on people they'd avoid in general. 

“Okay fine. We're both spying and staying in the safety of this house.” Wei Ying said at last, not being able to win with his arguments.  

Sitting on the bed he watches Wei Ying cut two papermen connected by their hands as though they were holding each other's hands. Writing the sigil on them he described how it worked.It was far more safe than going out in person. Lan Wangji again marveled at Wei Ying's genius ideas.

“Okay, are you ready?” The man asked, lying by his side, his head resting on Lan Wangji’s chest. 

“Mn,” Lan Wangji hummed pressing kiss on Wei Ying’s forehead. 

When he next opened his eyes he saw themselves lying side by side as if sleeping. The sight of Wei Ying wrapped in his arms brought a wave of comfort. If he was an artist he'd paint the pleasant sight with precise details of each hair. He was not an artist and he could only engrave the scene in his memory, in his heart.

“Awww, don't we look so cute.” Wei Ying coo'ed in his head through the telecommunication spell. Their paper man persona did not have faces to decipher emotions but Lan Wangji knew how Wei Ying would look while coo'ing over themselves.

They moved along with the air and used spiritual energy when the air was not friendly. He saw A-Yuan sitting in the Nie library pavilion reading a book with a Nie disciple by his side. Lan Wangji couldn’t help but be cautious about A-Yuan's friendship with disciples of different sects. Though those overly protective instincts made him feel worse about himself. The air swept them to the inner sects, to the Nie sect leader's halls. Their papermen figure rest on a desk in the hall from where they can get a full view of the room.

For the first time after a decade Lan Wangji saw his brother. Thirteen years ago when he left his brother he saw that face crumbled in sorrow, agony and anger. Thirteen years after nothing much had changed. Lan Xichen's face was solemn with a stiff face, his brows slightly frowned, his jaw clenched tightly with  lips unmoving, unserene. He did not smile like he used to, his smiles were forced and fake.

Lan Xichen spoke curtly, “I believe I don't have to teach your sect disciples about staring.” 

“Hahahaha, Please don't even bother.” Nie Huaisang nervously laughed. Wei Ying laughed as loudly as he always does. The Nie sect disciples believe they've seen Lan Xichen kiss Mo Xuanyu when it was just Lan Wangji kissing Wei Ying. He hoped those disciples wouldn't get punished.

Not so long after Jin Guangyao stepped in the hall bowing to Lan Xichen with grace.

“San-ge, you look exhausted.” Nie Huaisang lamented as though he was not delighted to see the man exhausted. 

“A-Yao, come have a seat.” Lan Xichen calmly spoke, patting a cushion by his side. He spoke to Jin Guangyao with a familiarity that no sect leader would use for another sect leader, not even with sworn brothers. His closeness with Jin Guangyao seemed far better than his closeness with Lan Wangji and it pained him. 

“Eyy husband,” Wei Ying coo'ed, “Are you drinking vinegar.”

“I would not.” Lan Wangji's rebuttal made Wei Ying laugh again. 

“Are you really okay with me killing that guy?” Wei Ying asked in a more serious tone.

“Why would I not be?” 

“Umm- well your brother would not be pleased if that one dies.” 

“What matters more is you. Brother won't die if Jin Guangyao dies.” 

Wei Ying remained silent after that. The conversation between  the three sect leaders continued. They have not officially started the meeting since the Jiang sect leader had yet to arrive. Their idle conversation consisted more of their hectic schedule, the looming pile of papers and reports, something Lan Wangji would not call idle conversation.

The Jiang sect leader arrived with his usual furry and frowns, curt bows and no friendliness. Lan Xichen's borrow frowned more at Jiang Wanyin’s behavior. 

“You are late, sect leader Jiang.” Lan Xichen says with his forced smile.

To reply his comment Jiang Wanyin scornfully said, “Well yeah, I don't have an uncle to keep in charge of the sect when a certain someone calls for an urgent meeting out of the blue.” 

“Sect leader Jiang, please be more courteous.” The certain someone- Jin Guangyao- reminded him.

“Whatever you want to talk about, make it quick.” 

The meeting was held for the recent uproar of a certain tale about the love affair between two men of a prominent sect. The tale that was nothing but doomed lovers abruptly became a political contention with the question of murdering innocent Wens, causing general folks to doubt the leaderships of every sects.

“So? What do you want us to do about it?” Jiang Wanyin impatiently asked. “That story is banned over four regions yet the truth spreads like hell fire.” 

“What truth is there, may I know?” Lan Xichen questioned, not concealing his anger toward the other man.

“Zewu-jun, don't act like you didn't know about your people killing the old Wens of burial mounds.” 

“Except the Wens none of that tale is true.” 

“Oh?” Jiang Wanyin raised a brow. With a bitter smirk he said, “So you want to say you and your clan did not kill your brother for helping out Wei Wuxian.” 

“Jiang Wanyin!” Lan Xichen shouted, clenching his jade flute in his hand. He was very close to letting go of his composure and flung out to punch the other man. “My brother sacrificed himself for your brother-”

“My brother did not ask your brother to sacrifice himself! Your brother hated my brother!”

“My brother loved your brother to the extent that he held swords against his own family. But all he got was rejection after rejection.” 

“Your brother was the one who always rejected my brother. Every time he pushed away his approaches! Every time he rejected his invitations. That tale doesn’t show how much of an asshole your brother was!”

“Do not speak ill of my brother.” 

“Please! please! Calm down!” Nie Huaisang who has been silent all along ferreted between the two furious men. Though Nie Huaisang was able to calm Lan Xichen, Jiang Wanyin had more to say. 

Jiang Wanyin let out  a disgruntled sigh, speaking in a lower volume than before. “If you cared about your brother so much you wouldn't have let him be punished.” 

“You say as if you didn't throw your adopted brother out of your clan.”

“He-” 

Jin Guangyao smiled pitifully, placing a hand fan in between them.“Sect leader Jiang, you're getting out of track. This is not why we are here.”

“Oh yeah, and what about you, Sect leader Jin?” Jiang Wanyin swatted that handfan away, “Did you not execute Xue Yang? How come some sixteen year old kid find him freshly dead in the middle of nowhere?”

“It is a matter of vexation.” Jin Guangyao accepted with another sigh. He bows to Lan Xichen about the failed execution. Lan Wangji couldn’t tell if that man was stating the truth when he said that Xue Yang escaped from the execution half dead. “He was badly wounded. With his open stomach, I thought he'd bleed out. I tried to save myself and the nation from the hassle of Xue Yang's escapee.”

“It does not explain why he was still alive and why he vanished the whole Yi city.” Lan Xichen pressed with less famility. There was distrust in his eyes for the Jin Sect leader. 

“It surely does not.” Jin Guangyao wavered under Lan Xichen's interrogating gaze. “Unless he had someone treating him he'd not have lived. I did not think there would be anyone in this world to save a scum like Xue Yang.” He sighed as if he was going through great agitation, “Er-gege, I've been searching for him ever since. You do know he stole something very important from me. I can't fathom how important it was and now it is nowhere to be found.” 

Watching Jin Guangyao be pitiful, Lan Xichen's kind eyes returned. He could not be rude with a tormented man, “My head disciple swore he found nothing from Xue Yang. He would not budge from his words.”

“Lan clan sure has a history of a peculiar set of head disciples.” Jiang Wanyin snorted while sipping his tea. 

“What you want to mean?” Lan Xichen's frown returned. 

“The former one is said to be a cut-sleeve and the other doesn't even fit the norms of the Lan clan.” 

“And your former head disciple was not a cut sleeve?” 

“Excuse me!” Jiang Wanyin slammed his tea cup on the table. “The whole Yunmeng knew Wei Wuxian flirted with every women.” 

From his side Wei Wuxian sobbed, “Jiang Cheng is defending my honor.” 

Surely Jiang Wanyin was defending Wei Wuxian but whether it was honor or something else was unclear. Whatever it was, it did not please Lan Wangji to be reminded that his lover was an avid flirt. 

“You say as if Wei-gongzi did not flirt with my brother all the time whenever he was near proximity.” 

“I am afraid that what Zewu-jun calls flirting was actually him being annoying.”

“Jiang Wanyin,” Lan Xichen called the other man's name with a pitying huff. “I am afraid you don't know the difference between flirting and annoyance.” What Lan Wangji heard later made Wei Ying whezee like hyenas, “Perhaps it is the reason why you are black listed by every woman of Yunmeng.” 

Veins popped out of Jiang Wanyin’s forehead. Zidian sparked purple lighting as he gritted through his teeth, “Then may I ask, why Zewu-jun is still unmarried? I may be ineligible but what about you?”

Jin Guangyao barked at once, “Is that something you must ask!” His placid face turned red at the notion out of anger or perhaps shame. “We are here to hold a cultivatonal conference in two days to prove that Yilling Laozu remains dead and you are defending him.”

“You're just afraid Wei Wuxian will come for your ass after knowing what you did to his 'lover'.” 

“I don't understand,” Wei Ying said with exhausperation. His voice sounded weaker than usual, “Does he hate me or not?”

“Both it seems.” Lan Wangji answered his question. 

The meeting lasted less than half an incense after the fight. The sect leaders got back their professionalism to discuss about the conference schedule and the arrangements of events.

As soon as the necessary synopsis was done Jiang Wanyin got back to his feet refusing Nie Huaisang for his lunch invitation. 

“Tell A-Ling to drop by.” He says to Jin Guangyao  before leaving the hall.

“But A-Ling is not in the Jin Sect.” Jin Guangyao smiled cunningly, “I thought he was in Yunmeng.” 

Another uproar rained upon the Nie sect leader's hall. Jiang Wanyin threw a tantrum when Jin Guangyao reminded his warning to Jin Rulan, “Do not come back if you fail to catch anything.” 

Nie Huaisang sleathly does not mention the foulness Jin Guangyao attempted to kill Jin Rulan. The smile Jin Guangyao gaves when Jiang Wanyin left indicated his cunning plan. He believed by then Jin Rulan was a rotten flesh. If Jin Rulan was found dead in the graves of Nie clan Jiang Wanyin’s alliance with Nie clan and Jin clan will collapse. Jiang Wanyin will blame himself for Jin Rulan's death and eventually loose his ambition for the sect. Weakened by health and allies, Jin Guangyao will have one less major sect to worry over with the Nie sect and Lan sect already in the grasp of his hand. 

What Jin Guangyao did not know that, while he was preying over an ant, a hunter was aiming his arrow from the shadows. 

Lan Wangji was not particularly pleased with the arrow being Wei Ying. He had no interest in mingling with the cultivation world's cruelty. He longed for the peacefulness of his home and the mundane business of Jueyu village.

When he opened his eyes next he saw an unfamiliar ceiling of an unfamiliar house in an unfamiliar bed. The air, the sounds, the scents everything was unfamiliar and the counterfeit of homesickness got to him at last. Out of all the unfamiliar, the one thing that fell overfamiliar was the weight of Wei Ying over his chest. 

They did not move for a long period of time. Lan Wangji kept his gaze fixed on the wooden ceiling, tryin to accept the heaviness in his heart. The place was far too quiet for his liking. This quietness reminded him of Cloud recesses, of Jingshi. He disliked that omnious quietness that drowned him in like the deep seas. Helplessness stifled him with old scars, acting back with piercing ache.

“Did you really hold swords against your family?” Wei Ying whispered, “For me?” 

Lan Wangji couldn’t answer his question, much less make a sound. He didn’t know which answer was more suitable for Wei Ying's liking. It is true that Lan Wangji pointed swords against his so-called family, attacked them at one point, he did it only out of desperation. Had his uncles and elders not forced him to separate from Wei Ying he'd not have done so.

“Mn,” he let out a strangled broken hum. His hum sounded miserable in his own ears. He doesn’t wish to remember those memories in the demon subduing cave. The words of his uncle, calling him a failed, insolent child. His brother's face with no kindness or sympathy when he attacked Lan Wangji.  

“What's the matter sweetheart?” Asked Wei Ying after a long shared silence. He crawled up to press his forehead over Lan Wangji’s. Though his mouth does not speak, his heart does not remain silent. The notion of being the sweet heart of his lover was more than he asked for. Emotions that were choking him before melted in his throat. He swallowed down his outburst of tears. For if he did, Wei Ying too wouldn't break down.

“Brother changed a lot.” Lan Wangji let out at last. 

Wei Ying slumped down on the pillow beside him with another tired smile. They lay on their side, meeting each other's eyes, tracing each other's hands, talking about their brothers. 

Wei Ying's tired eyes tell he was fighting the urges to throw himself on his brother just as Lan Wangji. Wei Ying is surprised Jiang Wanyin regarded him as his brother after eeverything.He also laughed how their brothers were fighting with each other for them.

For Lan Wangi, it was suffocating to see Lan Xichen being extremely quarrelsome with Jiang Wanyin. Lan Wangji failed to understand his heart. He had thought he'd not feel solace in his brother's presence anymore. Regardless of the pain he was forced to go through, Lan Xichen was the brother born in the same womb. They shared their mothers heart and father's face, and they shared the same blood and the same fate. Lan Wangji could never truly hate Lan Xichen.

Lan Wangji tells Wei Ying of the life he led after his mother passed away. Wei Ying listened to him intently with unwavering attention.

He shared fragments of his dull, misfortunate childhood. They were allowed to meet their mother once a month. Wei Ying did not ask why. They didn't get to see their mother's corpse after her death, nor did he know about her burial. Back then, his brother was the only solace, a place of comfort. Lan Xichen was the only one who understood the pain of losing a mother. He didn’t know his mother was long gone. He'd wait for her and wait for her, wait and wait until life started to get busy, but he did not stop waiting. 

Apparently, Lan Wangji is extremely good at waiting, be it for his mother or Wei Ying. Though fate was kind enough to return Wei Ying to him.

Wei Ying tells him about his parents and his only memory of them. His father, a lowly servant and his mother an immortal disciple. How deeply in love they were, how happy his little family was.

Lan Wangji hoped to give Wei Ying a family like that, if possible better than that.

Chapter Text

Bichen glows under the light of midday sun. There is not a speck of dust on its body, living up to its name. Its name was meant to hold a different meaning. Wen Yuan thinks it's ironic that his father named his weapon to uphold his desire to have no attachment to worldly affairs yet be binded by longing for loved ones.

Bichen does not suit Wen Yuan's hand, metaphorically and physically. It'll suit someone who can swing it fiercely with graceful movements. Bichen suits more in his father's hands, a man of high morals from a noble born family. Unlike him, Wen Yuan is-well- weak. He is a boy born to bear the hatred of his clan. 

Turns out, he's not dealing with all the truth revelations as well as he thought he was. 

The new version of the story- thanks to his lord and  majesty Nie Huaisang- mentions tortured Wen children under the ruthless Jin authority. Wen Yuan isn't sure whether he should thank the Nie sect leader or not. For one, half the people are now showing sympathy for those Wens who had no hand within the war, and the other half of the people are saying that it was not wrong to kill those who couldn’t stop their leader from continuing the war. Then, some are saying that burial mounds Wens lived a few days longer as an offering for not contributing to the war, some are saying it was right to murder them too because those kids would grow up and take revenge on those who oppressed them. 

He is the Wen child that was ought to seek revenge for his family.

Wen Yuan looked at his hand, holding the hilt of bichen, his mind flashes with the vision of blood on his hand and  uncountable corpses under his feet. Fresh blood dripping from Bichen's silver blade, he hears the agonising cries of the dying, begging for mercy. Wen Yuan is expected to show no mercy for the sake of revenge. And Wen Yuan is nothing if he's not merciful.

The thought of being a manslaughterer terrifies him. He puts Bichen aside from him, afraid that he'd hurt people with it. He's afraid to learn about his family,  fearing what if the desire to avenge their souls grows. He will not become like those who wanted him to cease from existence. If he does, he'd be going against everything his father had taught him. He'd be going against his own morale.  

He sighs trying to calm his shaking hands. 

“I know you're standing there.” Wen Yuan calls out on the shadow figure behind the pillars. The man that had saved him from the hands of death two times in a row, his only other blood relative in this world, “Ning shushu,” he says turning to the man, “Or did I call you Ning gege?” 

“Ning gege is fine.” Wen Ning comes forth from the back of the pillar. They were in the pavilion of the Nie library where Nie disciples were few and far between.  Disciples are said to be busy because of the sudden meeting of clan leaders. The airy uncrowded place gave Wen Ning a chance to appear before him despite hesitating to come close. 

Wen Yuan requested him to sit beside him, it's the first time he's seeing the man under bright day light,  with no great danger poking his head. He looks a lot livelier than he first appeared, i.e. choking him to death. 

“You looked bothered,” Wen Ning slowly spoke not quite sitting yet, “So I thought…” 

“ I will be more bothered should you remain standing.” Wen Yuan intended to joke, however the man was way more soft hearted than his looks. Wen Ning flinched and sat down in a swift motion making Wen Yuan giggle silly. “That was a joke,” he informs.

Wen Ning gives him a smile, “I see, A-Yuan has grown up to be playful with words.” 

The word grown up gets stuck in his head. For all these times he's been very adamant about his age, reminding his father and aunt that he is now almost an adult, he is a grown up.  It is a different story after everything he's faced in a span of half a month. He's a grown up yet he knows nothing about this world. He wanders around and gets lost in his own thoughts. He gets lost and fails to find his way back. He gets lost and cries for his father to save him. Was he really a grown up man? 

“If there really is something bothering you,” catching Wen Yuan's gloominess Wen Ning stuttered, “You can tell me- or Master Wei or Hanguan-jun… I mean…. You should not bottle up things and, and..” 

“Oh don't worry about that!” Wen Yuan feings his cheerfulness, “I'm just wondering when we can go back home. There's so much to do before we go back.” 

Wen Ning bought his lies and it makes Wen Yuan feel more guilt about himself. The one only relative was trying to get close to him and there he was, spewing lies as easily as it is to breathe. 

“Does….” Wen Ning fiddles with his hands. He does that a lot. “Does it bother you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean… all the killing…and blood… murders…” 

It bothers him. It bothers him a lot. It bothers him so much that he feels sick. He can't tell Wen Ning the truth. He can't be truthful to his parents either. He doesn’t want to be more of a burden than he already is. He understands the reason behind the assassination of Jin Guangyao and honestly it is not what makes him sick. Jin Guangyao could be killed in the cruellest ways possible and Wen Yuan wouldn't budge the slightest. However, what bothers him is the possibility of him becoming someone like Jin Guangyao. The thought of carrying the Wen blood of ruthlessness, being a blood thirsty demon like Wen Ruohan or following the steps of Wen Chao. 

Is blood stronger than morale? Does generational brutality pass down to distant kins? Was his parents cruel in any way similar to Wen Ruohan? 

Wen Yuan let out a controlled breath, “I grew up watching blood, didn't I?” To answer his question Wen Ning nodded. Wen Yuan smiled small but certain, “I can't say watching people bleed to death bothers me.” 

Wen Ning remained quiet hearing his reply. He looked at his old ragged clothes rather than Wen Yuan. Wen Yuan gazed upon the sky with squinted eyes. The sun so bright that it hurts his eyes, it almost makes him tear up. The blazing sun would have been stitched to his robes if things hadn't gone south. Had that been the case his father wouldn't be his father but a man from the Lan clan, Wei Wuxian wouldn't have been the pariah of his own sect. Had that been the case would the Wen clan hold animosity against the Lan clan. Would he have grown up holding his sword against Lan Jingyi, or worse Hanguan-jun? Would his birth parents tell him to fight for their clan? 

“Can you….” Wen Yuan says, inclining his head towards Wen Ning, “tell me about my family… those who gave birth to me…” 

He knows knowing will hurt more yet he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to pick every scrap of his origin. 

Wen Ning smiled hearing his request. He nodded vigorously as he spoke, “I'm glad you asked.” 

The first thing Wen Ning told him was, “You look a lot like your father.”  His father had been Wen Ning’s cousin, Wen Shuxin. People say, Wen Qing shared facial similarities more with her cousin rather than her own brother.

“You have your mother's smile.” Du Rouhe, his mother, used to give a smile as softly as her name suggested. She was the friendliest person known to Wen Ning. 

Both his parents were physicians, well educated in the field of medicine. They were strong cultivators who used their Qi mainly for healing others.  

His parents were notable figures of their subclan, whose main purpose of living was to practise the art of medicine. 

Wen Yuan couldn't stop himself from asking, “So, did they join the war?” 

It pained Wen Ning to answer. Wen Shuxin, being known as a strong cultivator, was forced to join the battle grounds. The main branch soldiers refused to believe that such a person with a golden core so strong wouldn't be a combat master. His birth father genuinely did not know how to fight. His knowledge in combat was limited to self defence unworthy of war. 

The clansmen who were taken for war never returned. What returned was the news of their death as soon as war begun. What was left of their subclan was the olds, women, and children, and teen boys like him. Though those teen boys were also forced to go to the war. Had Wen Qing not begged the soldiers to let Wen Ning live, he wouldn't have made it out of the battlefield either. That was when Wen Qing took the reins of their whole subclan. To ensure their safety she agreed to aid the war as a physician against her good will. Then day after day, night after night, she aided those scums. 

Through an aching heart Wen Yuan again asked, “Then what happened to…. my mother?” 

She lost her sanity after hearing the news of her husband's death. She'd given up eating, sleeping. “You were the only one that kept her from going completely insane.” However, her mind was not clear enough to take care of a young child. Granny took the duty to take care of him and his mother. 

“So then… how did she….” he couldn’t utter but the question made itself heard, died ….? 

“I'm sorry A-Yuan,” Wen Ning shook his head. “Master Wei told me not to tell you.” 

Of course, Wen Yuan couldn't even be mad at the man for forbidding him from the knowledge of his mother's death. He knows it'll hurt, it'll hurt so much that he might consider going against humanity.  Although not knowing doesn't lessen the pain either. 

His father and mother must have loved each other a lot if his mother's insanity is anything to go by. His parents must have been a happier couple than the ones Wen Yuan has seen in general. They must have been worse than Luo Qingyang and her husband. He wondered if his family looked like Luo Qingyang’s family, a man and a woman with their young child. 

“Hey,” Wen Yuan felt silly for asking, “Did they love me?” 

“Any answer I give would be insufficient,” Wen Ning exclaimed softly, “They loved you a lot.” 

“Really?” Wen Yuan felt himself smile.

“The day you were born Shuxin ge distributed sweets to everyone in our village. Red egg party, ginger party, full moon celebration, hundred day celebration, naming ceremony, what did he not do to celebrate your existence in their life.” 

Warmth spread over Wen Yuan's heart the more he listened to Wen Ning. He does not know why he doubted that his birth parents didn't love him or did not want him. He asks for forgiveness to their souls for doubting their love, thanks them for loving him so much.

Their conversation flowed like water. Wen Ning was a person one could easily befriend. Once his initial fidgetiness is washed off, he becomes more and more talkative and fun. He tells Wen Yuan about the time in burial mounds, leaving aside the negative parts. From age three to age five how Wen Yuan grew up being the apple of everyone's eye. The things they did in the boredom of life. What Wei Wuxian did with him when he was feeling mischievous. 

Talking to Wen Ning calmed down his nerves and the earlier uneasiness depleted. He learned more about his family and thus far himself. 

The world might expect Wen Yuan to avenge his family, but his family wouldn't. His family would want him to let go of grudges, live his life in gentle tranquillity. 

Nie sect leader picks him up from the library with a rather exhausted look. Sun had set past the horizon, the sect leaders left with no fanfare. Wen Yuan had never spent a day that idle. Hiding from Zewu-jun and reading books and talking to Wen Ning and reading more books. So when he saw the Nie sect leader approaching him with a scheming smile etched on his face he couldn’t hide his annoyance. 

“You are my only saviour.” The sect leader said, acting like he wasn't the one to push Wen Yuan to the battlefield. 

“I did what you told, yet Zewu-jun came here when father was here.” Wen Yuan groaned, “What was the point of sending to me Gusu Lan then?”  

“Oh there was plenty. You've done your job well.” sect leader Nie clapped his hands. “Now if you accompany me to your parents, maybe they'll spare my life.” 

“They will not kill you.” Wen Yuan assured. 

Dinner was brought to the room his fathers were residing in. Sect leader Nie hid behind Wen Yuan to save himself, it didn't help at all. When they walked in the room two ghost ladies from before appeared out of thin air to strangle the sect leader like the criminal he was.

“Confess your crime, you coward.” Wei Wuxian probed, cornering the sect leader with his ghosts subordinates. 

“Wei Xiong- Wei Xiong- just hear me out. Hear me out! I had reasons!” 

At the same time his father calmly directed him to the dinner table, asking of his day, like a literal interrogation was not going on in front of them. Wen Yuan's head throbbed with pain thanks to the loud crying of a full grown man and the eerie laughter of ghosts. 

Why was he having dinner in the same place with ghosts edging the Nie sect leader to death. He had to intervene in Wei Wuxian's way of interrogation, he was getting nothing out of that wailing man with death threats. 

They settled for dining with sect leader Nie as he answered all the questions his parents had. Why send their son to Gusu, how he knew Xue Yang captured him,  Why'd he not tell them earlier, etc. 

Nie sect leader ate his dinner peacefully. He told his parents the reason behind sending him to distract Zewu-jun from his visit. It worked for the time being, the resentful hand was released thanks to him. Xue Yang's attack was unexpected. He didn’t think anyone would learn of Wei Wuxian’s return, or Wen Yuan's connection to Wei Wuxian. There are doubts that besides Xue Yang, Jin Guangyao might have caught a hint of the Yilling patriarch's residency in the Unclean realm. It might also be the reason why Jin Guangyao called for a meeting in the Nie sect of all places.

Wei Wuxian clicked his tongue, “So what now, what do you plan?” 

Their main purpose was to kill Jin Guangyao. What the Nie sect leader had planned barely mattered to him. Yet Wei Wuxian gave an ear to the man who desperately wants to reveal the crimes Jin Guangyao has committed. “You don't have to do much.” Nie sect leader assured with a smirk like he's everything ready.  “Just find me brother's head, the rest will put itself in its place.” 

The former Nie sect leader's limbs are scattered everywhere. Those limbs are full of resentful energy, that if not constrained they'll keep seeking their murderers death. From what the Nie sect leader mentioned, all parts of the previous Nie sect leader's body are free, except for the head. The Nie sect leader assured again, everything was under his control. 

Wen Yuan doubted. 

Dinner was done with discussions of death. Nie sect leader leaves them providing wine and tea for pleasantries. Wei Wuxian was delighted to be able to drink the long awaited emperor's smile. He drinks singing praises of how Gusu Lan deprive their people from tasting the best liquor to exist. Wen Yuan was happy for him, but he also regretted losing the wine jars he brought for Wei Wuxian. He wished he was the one giving Wei Wuxian the sweet surprise. Had it not been for Xue Yang, Wen Yuan could have successfully returned with jars emperor's smile on his hand like a trophy.

“Do you not want to taste?” Wei Wuxian poured him a cup. They sneaked glances at his father to see if he minds or not. 

“Don't drink too much.” his father smiled while drinking his. 

Wen Yuan quietly sipped from his cup. He's had his first sip back in gusu, before Xue Yang attacked. 

“What happened in Gusu?” his father asked as they quietly sipped on their respective drinks. 

Wen Yuan was not prepared for the sudden question. He'd thought his father would avoid any topic regarding his childhood home. He wasn't sure what the proper answer would be. Wen Yuan felt too exhausted to worry over something that can no longer be undone. He says what is true. Everything that happened back in Gusu. How he went inside Cloud recesses as Lan Jingyi’s friend, a painter looking for Hanguang-jun's portrait. When he talks about the field full of bunnies a soft smile blooms across his fathers face and Wei Wuxian acted like the sky  fell down in Cloud Recesses. He's met Zewu-jun personally, he's met Lan Qiren, he says more about Lan Jingyi and his hierarchy in the clan. Wei Wuxian- again- acted like the sky fell down in Cloud recesses.

“Oh my!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed “you have bagged the sect heir of  Gusu Lan!” 

“That's not it.” Wen Yuan scoffed blushingly.

“Jokes aside,” his father says in a more serious tone, “Do you really like him?” 

Wen Yuan carefully does not choke on his wine, but it's close. “A-die, Jingyi is just a friend!” 

What his father says sounded foreign to his ears. His father usually sounds tender. But when he spoke,  “It's better if you don't.” It sounded like sand cutting his skin. 

His father's monotone voice caught Wei Wuxian off guard as well. He gaped at father, trying to soothe the sudden change in atmosphere with smiles and jokes, “You're joking right? I know you are!” 

Father shook his head, “I don't mind A-Yuan's preferences.” He then shows why the Nie sect called him cold hearted ice prince, “Like anyone but Lans.”

“Lan Zhan you're being a little…” Wei Wuxian tried to intervene. 

“No, it can not be Lan Jingyi.” Father cuts Wei Wuxian off curtly. He let out a sigh as if Wen Yuan had done a great mistake for befriending a Lan. It felt outright wrong. It was wrong because his father had no reason to dislike Lan Jingyi other than the fact that his family was unkind to him.

“A-die Jingyi is different.” Wen Yuan tried to smile through the ache he felt. 

“No Lan is different.” His father says, “Lans are overbearingly possessive with the one they love. He'll lock you in a cottage and call it your home, you'll never be free from that suffocation of thousand rules.”

“But you are different!” Wen Yuan refused to believe the man before him was the same man that he's known for years. His father is not presumptuous over anyone. It didn't sit right with him that he'd think of his new friend in a wrong way. 

“I am now.” Father states, “But I was not like this once.” 

Wei Wuxian remained silent, gaping and visibly reacting to father's words. He's trying not to interfere in their conversation and Wen Yuan isn't sure whether he's thankful or mad about it.

Wen Yuan looked back at his father, “A-die you're worrying over nothing.” 

Wei Wuxian says the same as well, his smile wavering at the corners. A beat of silence falls upon them. They fidget with their respective cups not drinking, not speaking, not quite breathing either. 

“My father was like this,” father murmured. Wen Yuan didn't dare meet his fathers eyes, but he listened intently, “My mother was forced to be locked up in Cloud recesses.” 

Wen Yuan learns more about the mother of the man he calls his father. In a sense, he's hearing stories about his grandmother. The woman who was locked in her husband's home because she committed a crime. His grandfather loved his grandmother so much that he couldn't let her go despite the crime she committed. And grandmother loved her children so much that she let the Lan elders lock her up. She remained in her home prison until one day she quietly withered away. 

“I'm sorry for what she had to go through.” What else was Wen Yuan supposed to say? 

Father nodded, “I hope A-Yuan understands the dangers of befriending a Lan.” 

“I understand where your concerns come from.” Wen Yuan truly does. He tried his best to not sound angry “But you're wrong, A-die. What you're saying is your fears not mine”

Wei Wuxian picked up on his anger, “A-Yuan, mind your tone.” 

Wen Yuan pays no heed to Wei Wuxian. He'd always take fathers side even if father was to be wrong. Wen Yuan felt alone defending himself, but he'll not let his father's fears define him, he'll not let his father's fears mould him and his path. Wen Yuan is a person of his own with his own different thoughts and view of life.  “I am not wrong, am I? You were afraid you'd become like your father. You are afraid that everyone you love will have the same fate as your mother. But that's not true. A-die, your fear is making you make wrong assumptions on innocent people.”

Father's frown deepened. His fist and jaw clenched tightly as he glared at Wen Yuan, “You are not going anywhere near a Lan and that's final.” 

Father has never been stubborn with his decisions. He never glared at Wen Yuan with sharp eyes and it pained him. It pained him like blades being stabbed in his heart. The man who upheld utmost virtues, never wronged anyone with his biassed opinions was being inconsiderate of a boy who's done nothing but envied the Hanguang-jun. Telling Wen Yuan to blindly follow his orders were the same as forcing him down to the undefined rules of Cloud recesses. He wanted to cry, he wanted to shout, he was livid with his fathers mistreatment. He walks out of the room without a word.

Wei Wuxian fretted between scolding Wen Yuan and calming father. He ran after Wen Yuan telling him to stop where he was, telling him what to do and what not to do, something Wen Yuan never liked. 

Despite knowing his rudeness, he shuts the door at Wei Wuxian's face, marching out to wherever his feets take him, to an unknown gardenside. Tears streamed down his cheeks. No matter how many times he wiped his eyes, it'd pour and pour. Fate loved to mock him. He could not cry alone, the sky cried with him. Like his tears the sky poured, subduing his sobs with the pitter patter of rain drops, like they were competing who can cry harder and louder. If Wen Yuan sobbed a little louder, wind would sweep a gust of water to hit him and tell him to be quiet. 

“Finally it's raining!” Wei Wuxian walks to him cheerfully with a white jar of liquor. Uninvited, he sits beside him with a loud groan like the village grandpas does. Wen Yuan tries to hide his face in the crook of his elbow, bringing his knees closer to his chest. He doesn't know what face Wei Wuxian was making but he sounded awfully cheerful, “Never thought I'd see a father and son fight. Especially one between you and Lan Zhan.”

He doesn’t want to deal with Wei Wuxian's teasing. 

“I'm glad you did.” The cheerful sounding man says solemnly, patting his head lightly but hard enough to jostle him. Wen Yuan wondered what was going on in that questionable man's head, why he was glad that he fought with his father.

Wei Wuxian patted his back, “Will you be kind enough to forgive Lan Zhan?” 

Hearing that broke the dam inside Wen Yuan. Tears rolled out on their own, he speaks in a broken trembling voice, “He's never glared at me before. I didn't even know he had golden eyes before you came. I didn't even know he was a Lan before you came. I am the reason he's kept his identity hidden, I'm the reason he's staying in a boring village. I didn't want to… Why'd I be forgiving when I'm the one who should apologise.” 

Wei Wuxian shook his head earnestly, “ None of it is your fault. Lan Zhan bears the weight of his decisions, not you. You did nothing wrong.” 

“But I….” 

“I know, I know. Talking back to parents: wrong and whatever. I can't say that Lan Zhan was right either.” 

“You were trying to defend him.” Wen Yuan poked a finger on Wei Wuxian's chest. 

“That's the man I love, I'd defend him even if he spouted random bullshit.” 

Unbelievable! Here he thought Wei Wuxian was going to console him, but the man was beyond saving. 

Wei Wuxian scoffed like he was caught red handed in the middle of a crime scene. “What else was I supposed to do?” Wen Yuan rolled his eyes. Wei Wuxian baffled again, “Okay, hey! Rude! I scolded him too, okay?” 

Wen Yuan huffed disbelievingly. 

“I swear I scolded him for scolding you. He sulked and chugged down half a jar” Wei Wuxian nudged him, shaking the half empty liquor jar. “If you don't believe you can go check out. He's blacked out on his bed.”

“Nevermind, I believe in you.” Wen Yuan realised he was not crying anymore. The dam that he believed broke apart did not hold enough tears to drown him in sadness. Or, Wei Wuxian came running in his life  with floaters in his hands, cheering him to swim along with the flow.

Wei Wuxian was an odd man. He behaved like nothing in the world can affect him, then in a blink he'll speak in a profound voice like he's moulted out of his old self. He scooted closer to Wen Yuan, hugging his side, hips to hip, his head forcefully resting on his shoulder, he says, “Lan Zhan knows what he said was wrong. He'll apologise for it and try to do better.” His eyes wandered around the garden, rainwater soaking the bushes and trees. His eyes smile, likely remembering a fond memory. “Lan Zhan is an asshole sometimes.” then he says the most outrageous thing at the most uncertain time. “Why are you scowling at me? Your father was a big asshole during his teens.”

“Yeah…  he told me something about that.” Wen Yuan has doubts Wei Wuxian deserved that asshole behaviour from his father. 

Wei Wuxian cackled, “That's the thing I love about him. Once he realises he's been an asshole, he determines to do better, and then he does the absolute best.” 

There was no denying to it. Father was amongst the best, and he'll keep being the best. 

“So what I am saying…” Wei Wuxian's tone changes back to playful teasing, “You can like whoever you want. Lan, Jiang, Ouyang, even Jin. Your father wouldn't mind. Even if it's that jesty little Lan Jingyi, he'll accept.” 

Wen Yuan jerks away from Wei Wuxian's clutch, “I don't like him like that!”

“You can't be saying you had that big fight for nothing.” 

“It wasn't about Lan Jingyi.” 

“Denial is the first stage of acceptance.” 

Wen Yuan couldn't help but whine. He whined because he felt helpless with his continuous teasing, because it felt funny to think he and Lan Jingyi as something more than friends. “I don't want to talk to you.” 

Wen Yuan tries to crawl out of Wei Wuxian's reach.  But the man was horrible and caught him by his ankle cackling and laughing, “Why not! I adore you so much A-Yuan. Stay with me.” 

The playfulness reminded him about an incident Wen Ning shared with him. When Wei Wuxian was exhausted and bored  in his demon subduing cave he'd force Wen Yuan to play with him. Wen Yuan used to despise his sweat soaked odour, he'd try to flee out his hands crying out Ning gege. Wei Wuxian would start wailing as well, saying the same thing, “ I adore you so much, stay with me.” 

“Do you really?” Wen Yuan asked equally playfully. “I remember you scolding me for writing your name wrong!”

“Ehh- you remember wrong.” Wei Wuxian let go of his ankle, averting his eyes away from Wen Yuan's accusing ones. 

“Ning gege confirmed it!” Wen Yuan exclaimed, “I was only three back then.” 

Wei Wuxian had the audacity to scold him again, “You deserve scolding, Why'd you write Wuqian instead of Wuxian?” 

“Ridiculous!” Wen Yuan snatches the wine jar from Wei Wuxian's hand, lettin the cold sweet drink burn the back of his throat. 

Wei Wuxian kept giggling, remensicing how his father used to thrash out saying the same word because he had very little vocabulary back then. He remensiced his time spent with his gusu, the night when it rained, how father was waiting at the rooftops with an umbrella over head just so he could catch Wei Wuxian smuggling alcohol. But now the very same man buys him alcohol, allows his son to drink alcohol, and drinks alcohol himself.

“You know,” Wen Yuan mumbled softly, “I bought two jars of emperor's smile for you when I was in Gusu.” 

“Awwww, you love so much.” Wei Wuxian giggled.

“I do.” Wen Yuan's sincerity catches Wei Wuxian off guard. Somehow, he never expects Wen Yuan to be genuine with his feelings, and it annoys Wen Yuan a little. 

“Ah- well…” Wei Wuxian stutters, tapping his nose, sniffing and scrunching, not knowing what to say. 

“Can I call you baba?” 

“Ahahah- you did- did you not?” Wei Wuxian was now deliberately avoiding meeting his eyes. His hands fiddled to play with something to distract himself for what Wen Yuan does not understand. 

“I never asked for your permission or opinion on this matter.” Wen Yuan carefully holds the man's hands to stop him from fidgeting, “I know it's too late, but can I?” 

“Of course you can!” Wei Wuxian metls, “I'd love to be your father, even though it terrifies me a little, I'd love to take care of you as your other parent.” 

Wen Yuan asked again, “Why does it terrify you?”

Wei Wuxian encircled his arms around Wen Yuan's shoulder, bringing him in a warm hug. “I don't know anything about parenthood, I've never had a father or a proper father figure.”

“You'd do just fine.” 

“Right!” Wei Wuxian's playful tone returned, indicating he's about to spew some new bullshit, “I bore you and gave birth to you just fine. I can do parenthood as well.”

Wen Yuan knew he was going to hear something utterly ridiculous yet he's surprised by the joke. He whined saying “No, don't say it like that!”

“Why not” 

“That's a little weird.”

Out of the blue another familiar warmth embraced them. He knows this person by scent alone, the man that cradled him to sleep, the man that had been his only family. The man hugs them tightly with his big arms, like he was afraid he'd lost them. Then Wen Yuan notices his bare feet, muddled and soaked robes, like he's searched frantically for them in the rain. 

“Is he drunk?” Wen Yuan asked,  buried in baba's chest.

“Very much so.” baba giggled, “Lao gong, are you drunk?”

Father does not reply. He rocks them forcefully as an act of letting his annoyance be known.

“Lao gong, did you hear what your son said?” baba spoke in his frivolously coquettish tone, “He doesn’t want to accept that I bore him in my belly. Tell him it's true.”

Wen Yuan thought his father was too drunk to comprehend that many words. It certainly was not the case, not only did his father hummed in agreement he also added, “For nine months and ten days.” 

Baba wheezed out in laughter and triumph.

Wen Yuan was flablagestared to hear his father play along with baba's teasing. He fears the upcoming future days, none of them will pass as peacefully as it used with these two around.

“Ridiculous” Wen Yuan scoffed after failing to creep out of his two fathers tight hugs, “You're both so utterly, insanely, ridiculous.”

Chapter Text

Jinlintai was just as ostentatiously decorated as Baba warned, not a bit exaggerated. Every inn, every dish, reeked of outrageous cost and self-importance. People only bowed when the weight of a coin pouch beat the weight of their fat bellies. Baba delightfully used the Nie sect leader's money to get to people's good side. 

He doesn't know what the night holds, Baba had asked for privacy to make his "preparations," and Wen Yuan knew when to leave those two love sick overgrown-teenagers alone.  

The plan is to get into the fragrant palace, retrieve Nie Mingjue’s head that sect Leader Nie insists is hidden in there somewhere, and watch the dismantled body come alive. A pretty simple plan for something so lethal. Wen Yuan doubts things will be that easy. If things go south, Nie sect leader promised, he'll create a greater distraction, and the Nie disciples will escort Wen Yuan out safely. 

But Wen Yuan wants to fight along with his dads. Then again, he isn't qualified to fight with anything, he'll just get in their way. On top of that, he's grown a new fear of killing people. The story of Wen remnants circulated all over the tea shops. People's harsh words coerce the thought of avenging his family in his mind. But killing for the sake of killing goes against his morals, his Wen family's morals, and his real family's morals. 

These worries keep eating him from the inside and he wants to vent it out. Then again, anyone he can vent to will worry about him, and Wen Yuan doesn't want to make anyone worry and the thoughts continue to spiral.

​It was in this agitated state that he encountered a familiar, fluffy figure: Fairy.

​“Fairy!” Being recognised, the spiritual dog leapt itself over Wen Yuan like long lost comrades. Wen Yuan ruffled its soft fur and scratched its neck, adoring the way it whines for more. 

He glanced around, searching for the dog’s famously spoiled owner, Young Master Jin. He is told that the boy was residing in an inn somewhere. Baba requested him to be extra patient with this one, if encountered. 

Fairy led him to a lavish inn draped with expensive silks that Wen Yuan instinctively clutched his money pouch. 

As soon as he crossed the threshold, a force sent him crashing to the ground. He didn't even get a chance to get back on his feet before the assaulter pinned him down to the floor. It was none other than Fairy's owner. 

Jin Ling, the boy on top of him, shouted out slurs he wouldn't expect from a gentry family. 

“You bastard!” Young master Jin yelled, “How dare you walk in my land! With my dog!” 

Wen Yuan struggled to clear his head, getting continuously punched by the boy. 

“Young master Jin–” Wen Yuan tried blocking him. 

His use of the name seemed to ignite a firestorm  in the boy. Jin Ling’s voice cracked as he continued to punch, uncoordinated but driven by pure malice, “Don't you dare take my name! Don't you dare say my name! It's all because of you! Your family killed my dad!” 

Jin Ling knows. The terrifying realization froze Wen Yuan. His heart pounded in fear. If he dares expose Wen Yuan for being a Wen, as unbelievable as it might sound, others will comply. Wen Yuan might even be a victim of mob attacks. If so, Wen Yuan was done for. 

Jin Ling's punches were getting more and more violent. He yelled whatever came to his mind, mostly blaming Wen Yuan's family for the death of his parents. 

​“It wasn’t my family’s fault!” Wen Yuan tried to restrain the boy without hurting him.

“Its all your fault! Your family made me an orphan and you're living your life happily with those cut-sleeves!” 

That word snapped the last of Wen Yuan’s restraint. He'd have taken another hundred punches from Jin Ling if he just kept calling him names and blaming his bloodline. But he draws the line at disrespecting his fathers. At that moment, he forgets baba's request of being extra patient. 

“That's enough!” Wen Yuan turned the table pretty easily. One clean punch shifted the spoiled heir off his chest.He wasn't the wrestling champion among his village friends for no reason. Sure he has no knowledge of sword forms, but he was trained by Hanguang-jun. Fist fight is nothing but a child's play for him.

He grabbed the front of Jin Ling's robes, pinning him down, “You've had your say. It's my turn now!” Jin Ling thrashed wildly, but Wen Yuan’s grip was iron. “You keep saying my family killed your family as if my family was spared off their lives! 

Jin Ling's punches were unpredictable, he managed to punch Wen Yuan through his restriction yelling, “They asked for it!” 

“Your family started first!” Wen Yuan threw the boy onto a table laden with food, plates shattering around him.

“Your family fucking started the war!” Jin Ling leaps back, throwing weak punches at him. 

“My family wasn't involved in the war!” He catches Jin Ling's wild fists and twists the boy's arms to pin him on the ground again. “My family was the victim of you power hungry scoundrels!”

“Why didn't you die with them!” Jin Ling, having his arms restrainted, used his head to hit him. It hit his nose, hard enough to draw out blood. “You should've died with them! What keeps you alive!” 

At the sight of blood,Wen Yuan recalled how uncomfortable it was between his father and baba when father had a cut on his arm. If baba sees Wen Yuan with a bloody nose, he might never let Wen Yuan out again, or worse he might get so upset that he'll blame himself for Wen Yuan's misfortune. A surge of rage filled him at once, and he yelled back, “Because my fathers would be sad if I die!” 

“Why can you have two fathers and I don't even get to have one.” The words were a howl of pure, shattered heartache, stunning even Jin Ling himself. It caught everyone around them off guard. Even fairy, who was barking and whimpering all this time, fell dead silent. 

“oh.”

Jin Ling didn't wait for Wen Yuan to say something. He turned as red as his vermillion dot on his forehead, he scrambled, turning his embarrassment into a weapon again. He punched wildly, sputtering nonsense.

“If you say a word I'll expose your dirty secrets.” He threatened, “I know who Mo Xuanyu is, and I know who that man is, say a word and I'll break your le–”

Lan Jingyi jumped above Jin Ling out of nowhere. “Don't worry! I got him!” Said the boy in blue and white, throwing threatening glares at Jin Ling.

“Sizhui Xiong!” Came Young master Ouyang. He picked up Wen Yuan carefully, trying to clean all the mess on his clothes. “Oh no, your nose is bleeding!” 

“Say what now!”Lan Jingyi rushed to check up on him. While he looked strong and serious, threatening Jin Ling like a maniac, once he noticed Wen Yuan's blood he's back to being the anxious mess Wen Yuan knew. 

“This is nothing,” Wen Yuan hopes it's nothing.  

“It's you again.”

The voice was cool, cultured, and carried the weight of three thousand rules. Wen Yuan’s blood ran colder than the ice that now rimmed his fingertips. Standing before their chaos, was Lan Xichen, Zewu-jun. He stood on the second floor balcony, looking down on the mess. Behind him, a full row of horrified Lan and Ouyang disciples gaping at the wreckage. Wen Yuan's heart plummeted, and all he could think of was, “Shit–” 

“Did I not tell you to stay away from him?” Zewu-jun’s voice was smooth, but mixed with exasperated reprimand and was directed entirely at his head disciple, completely ignoring Wen Yuan's existence for the moment.

Lan Jingyi, though nervously sweating, laughs a defiant laughter like he was not in trouble at all. “Zewu-jun, are you telling me I shouldn't stop a fight when I see one? Is it not going against the rules?” 

Zewu-jun almost rolls his eyes. Wen Yuan still can't believe this man is supposed to be his father's brother. “May I know what caused this fight, Young Master Jin?” Zewu-jun asked, his gaze settling on the boy who was busy saving himself from Fairy's licking. 

Fear drums in his heart. He can feel the tips of his finger turning cold. This was a golden opportunity for Jin Ling to expose Wen Yuan, and consequently the existence of Yiling Laozu and Hanguang-jun. 

Jin Ling fixes his robes, pushing Fairy away with unsaid threats. He responded like the grumpy spoiled brat he was, “It was a small argument between two friends.” 

“What!?” Lan Jingyi yelps, expressing what Wen Yuan was feeling. Exactly when did he and Jin Ling become friends? Since when did being brutally beaten count as friendship? And moreover, Jin Ling is saving him from Zewu-jun? It certainly was surprising. 

Zewu-jun was not fooled. He raised a brow, an expression so full of suspicion it made the vermillion dot on Jin Ling's forehead wash out. The Sect Leader’s gaze finally settled on Wen Yuan. 

“You appear out of nowhere, manipulate gentry young masters to be your friend, infiltrate mighshi, fool the Lan Xiansheng into believing you are someone he knows, do you think you can keep getting away with your act?” 

Wen Yuan was confused more than he was scared. He knows he messed up showing off his father's teaching. But he had no idea Lan Xiansheng had such beliefs. Wen Yuan is sure he didn't say anything that could make the Lan Xiansheng think they know each other. 

“No one was manipulated!” Lan Jingyi comically stands between them, waving his hands like that'll distract the haughty sect leader. 

“Yes, Zewu-jun, Sizhui Xiong and I knew each other from Bailing.” Ouyang Zizhen chimed in, steeping in with an unwavering smile. He has a calmness to him that lures people into believing whatever lies he made up. Though, half of what he said wasn't a lie. “Jingy and Young master Jin met him through me. I brought him with me to some night hunts.” 

Zewu-jun looked at the four youths for a painfully long time. A stranger boy with a bloody nose, a defeated spoiled brat, a suspiciously calm liar, and his own, overly confident yet full of anxiety, head disciple. He looked at the murmuring crowd, he looked at the inn workers waiting to be compensated, and then he looked at the sky that's above the wooden ceiling. His exhausted eyes seemed to beg for a simple, quiet life. For the first time, Wen Yuan watched those rigid shoulders slump down. 

“Jin Ling,” the exhausted man says,  forgetting courtesy. “Does your uncle know you're here?” 

The Jin young master visibly panics. 

“Good,” Zewu-jun says, sighing. “Clear this mess before he comes here. And Jingyi,” he turned to his head disciple, “No more getting in trouble.” 

He then cast a final, long look at the four boys. Without another word, and without issuing a punishment or asking deeper questions, Zewu-jun turned and vanished back into the inn rooms of the second floor. 

The four boys let out a collective sigh. 

Lan Jingyi seized the moment to intrigue Jin Ling. “What the hell happened, Why were you fighting him?” 

The boy crossed his arms over his puffed up chest, pouting, “Not your business.” 

“You-” 

“Jingyi, it's fine.” Wen Yuan calms the mini fury fists. “It's like he said, it's just a fight between two friends.”

“Are you really friends with this mistress!?” 

“I believe so.” He extended a hand of friendship toward the young master, hoping he'd take it. 

Jin Ling's frown melts, but the pout doesn't. “You're covered in soup and noodles.Ugh,go bathe or something.” The young master cringes. He takes his dog and stomps away to his room. 

“And you're covered in pork broth and radishes! Can't you be nice for once!” Lan Jingyi yelled at him. 

Ouyang Zizhen huffed, “He is right though. He needs a bath…. and a fresh set of clothes. His family can't see him like this.” 

The Ouyang young master was indeed quite observant. He was certainly right about one thing. Wen Yuan can't go with soiled clothes, his fathers will know something happened. Jin Ling, obviously, was still a threat. He wants to know how the boy found out who he was. His mind spiraled between encounters with Jin Ling. He probably overheard the Nie sect leader back in the infirmary. Wen Yuan doesn't know what he'll do with this new information.

Lan Jingyi insisted that Wen Yuan use the bath in his room, “I have a lot to share with you! You can't leave me like this!” the boy whined. He even offered to give Wen Yuan his spare uniform. Wen Yuan can't explain enough how his father might blow into smithereens if he saw Wen Yuan wearing a Lan uniform. 

“Your father dislikes the Lans that much?” 

Wen Yuan averts his eyes, weakly murmuring, “Things happened.” 

Ouyang Zizhen promised to be back with fresh clothes for him, leaving Wen Yuan to bathe. The room Lan Jingyi took him was indelibly luxurious. The bath soap smelled like perfume, the bath tub was huge. Wen Yuan wondered, Zewu-jun must be in a room far more luxurious than this one. He wished he could go and tell him that the little brother he cared for has been living in a cottage, working a day to day life, just to earn a quarter of what he has. 

When Wen Yuan left the bath, wearing the clean under garments, he searched for Lan Jingyi only to find him out the window. 

“What are you doing out here?!” 

Lan Jingyi flushes red. He averted his eyes like a shy maiden and murmured, “You're in your under garments, I'll wait till Zizhen comes.” 

Wen Yuan found such courtesy unfitting from a boy like Lan Jingyi. He couldn't help but snicker, “What, it's not like I'm naked. And besides, it's your room. You should be in here.” 

The shy boy muttered something under his breath, something about rules and frivolousness. Wen Yuan chuckles, “Now you remember your rules?” 

The boy turns more red in frustration, “It's carved in my bones, I can't help it!” 

Wen Yuan laughs out loudly. He doesn't know why everything this boy does makes him want to laugh. He's just so silly. 

“Anyways, sit down! What brought you here in Jinlintai? Don't tell me you are coming to the open conference!?” 

They sit leisurely on the bed. Wen Yuan affirms he was definitely going to be in the conference. 

“Will, Mo qian-bei be there? Can you tell him to help me out with the Xue Yang thing? Lianfang-zun has been nagging about his “precious artifact” since that day! I've been making up lies, swearing that i don't know what hes talking about, but he won't  believe me, I don't think I can do this anymore!”  Lan Jingyi whines and rolls on the bed out of misery.

While Wen Yuan is grateful for the made up lies, he feels sorry for dumping such responsibility on him. He did indeed keep his words, keeping Xue Yang's true murderer a secret. Baba and the Nie sect leader  doesn't seem to worry over the fact that Jingyi could be pressured into speaking the truth. 

“Thank you for your hardwork.” Wen Yuan pats the whiny boy's head. It calms him down, maybe a bit too much, because Lan Jingyi stopped moving completely. 

“What is it?” Wen Yuan huffed, being perplexed by the sudden freeze. 

Lan Jingyi let out a whimper similar to Fairy. His face was buried in the bed sheet, Wen couldn't say what face he was making. But he was sure this silly boy was pouting like a child. He murmurs, “I really wish you could join the Lan sect.” 

Wen Yuan’s father would certainly have a lot to say about that. But such a pure, childish request filled Wen Yuan with a strange warmth.He laid beside Lan Jingyi, ruffling his hair, and asked equally childishly  “And what would happen if I join the Lan sect?” 

The boy turned to reveal his flushed face, and there was a silly pout, he responded just as sillyly, “Then you'd always praise me like this.” 

Wen Yuan adored him. He laughed, lightly hitting Jingyi’s arm. “You want me to join your sect just so I can praise you?”

“No- I mean, you have the potential to be a cultivator. I know your father is a rogue cultivator, so I think it's safe to assume that you have cultivation knowledge. You could beat up that unforgiving Jin mistress, You can do anything!” 

The reminder of Jin Ling awakens another worry in him. Jin Ling fought him because he knew Wen Yuan was a Wen. But Lan Jingyi doesn't know that. This boy thinks Wen Yuan is Cang Yuan. How'll he react if he finds out Wen Yuan was a Wen. How'd he treat Wen Yuan then? Would he still want to be Wen Yuan's friend, or would he too retreat behind the wall of rules like father warned. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Lan Jingyi fretted, misinterpreting Wen Yuan’s sudden silence. 

“No, it's just–” just what? Should Wen Yuan keep lying to this gullible boy or should he tell him everything. He doesn't want Lan Jingyi to find out the truth from others, but he doesn't have the courage to tell him the truth either. 

“Does your father not want you to join any sect?”  Jingyi holds his hand, rubbing the back with his thumb. 

Wen Yuan never had such a conversation with his father, but he's sure father wouldn't allow it. Baba, given his past, wouldn't allow it either. 

“Well, I am not forcing you-” Jingyi nervously laughed, he does that a lot. “Hey, that was a stupid thing to say. Forget about it. It's a good thing that you're not part of a sect, the horrible things you'd have to do is beyond imaginable.” He shook off all the discomfort just by enthusiastically describing the horrible experiences of his life.

“And just this previous night, Zewu-jun took us to hunt down a huge headless fierce corps! And guess what!?” 

“What?” Wen Yuan matched Lan Jingyi's enthusiasm.

“That fierce corpse was butt naked. I saw everything, aaarrgggghhhh my pure innocent eyes!!!” 

“A headless fierce corpse?” Wen Yuan thinks he knows who that is. 

“Yes. We even brought those Ouyangs to capture it. But they're so awful at fighting. I don't know how they managed to capture that resentful hand. At this point I'm doubting they lied about being the one to subdue that resentful hand.” 

“Where's that fierce corpse now?”  Wen Yuan hopes it doesn't ruin the plan Nie sect leader made. 

“Zewu-jun was able to subdue it. He kept the whole body in a qinkuan bag. I know it's weird to keep a corpse in your bag, but Zewu-jun said it was necessary. Who am I to tell him what's creepy or not.” 

“Jingyi, do you think Zewu-jun knows who that corpse is?” 

Jingyi sat up and thought for a moment. “Now that I think about it…. Zewu-jun was acting a bit weird, but I can't presume.” 

It made sense why Zewu-jun let Wen Yuan go so easily. That man was exhausted after a night of fighting the corpse of his dead sworn brother. 

“Jingyi, what do you think will happen in the conference?” Wen Yuan can't help but ask. 

Jingyi leans backwards nonchalantly, “Nothing fun. Lianfang-Zun will go on with sugarcoated praises of different sect leaders, Zewu-jun will talk about the authenticity of that tale, Sandu shengshou will affirm that Yiling Laozu was still dead, and sect leader Nie will… I don't know what he'll do, but nothing fun will happen.” 

“What will Zewu-jun say?” 

Lan Jingyi rested beside him on the bed, his head propped by a hand. “He'll say that Hanguang-jun and Yiling Laozu were never together like that, the thing about Wen remnants are a lie, and such.” 

“Do you,” Wen Yuan hesitantly asked, “also believe that the part of Wen remnants, children chained in labour camps, Yiling Laozu rescuing innocent Wen , are all false?” 

Lan Jingyi's face was overcast with sadness. “I believe they are true. Even…..” he hesitates a bit, “some of my clan members… who partook in that siege… recently came forward with what they saw in the burial mounds.” 

Wen Yuan feels his chest tighten. Just the thought that people who killed the remaining of his family, have been living a peaceful life makes him fill up with agony. 

“This is confidential. Please don't tell anyone.” Lan Jingyi adds with an emphasis. “One of my uncles claimed that when they invaded the burial mounds, they didn't see any Wen army. It was old men and women. He didn't see any children though, so I'd like to believe that, that part is false…. You know for the sake of my own heart.” 

“And then,” Wen Yuan urged, “Did your uncle kill them?” He deeply hoped the answer would be a no. He doesn't want to know his friends have family members that killed his family, and would have killed him too.

“He did.” Answered Lan Jingyi with a remorse he rarely shows. Wen Yuan shut his eyes close, not wanting to accept the truth. “I know, it fuels me with rage, too.” Lan Jingyi continued, suddenly furious. “I almost fought him when he said that. But in his defense, Wens were his enemies. They burned down our home. He lost his brother in the sun shot campaign. He said he was overtaken by revenge, that he didn't care whether that Wen was old or young. In his eyes they were all enemies. And now, now he suddenly remembered what he did was wrong. He regretted killing arrogantly. And now he was seeking his rightful punishment. And I don't know how to assign a punishment to a man who's already suffering in his own mind.” 

“He's suffering?” Wen Yuan asked disbelievingly. 

“Anyone in their right mind would suffer by themselves if they willingly hurted innocent men and women.” Lan Jingyi insisted, punching the bed. ,“Even old man Lan suffers after hurting his nephew.” 

“He suffers?” 

Lan Jingyi huffed, “Sizhui, you won't believe me. Lan Xiansheng suffers from insomnia. And he's also suffering from delusion. That night in the minshi, you know, when you played guqin in my place, that old man mistook you for his nephew.” 

“Oh.” Wen Yuan can't say old man Lan was wrong to be delusional. Wen Yuan did play guqin according to his nephew's style. 

“Stupid right!? I mean, Hanguang-jun and you are nothing alike.” 

That stung. 

“We are not? Not even a bit?” Baba would fight Lan Jingyi if he knew what this stupid boy was blabbering. 

“Not at all!” Lan Jingyi confidently answered. “I mean, look at you! You smile so big and radiant, and your eyes are so doe and warm, and you're a lot prettier than Hanguang-jun.” 

Wen Yuan scoffed, “You never even saw Hanguang-jun.” 

“I don't have to see him to know.” 

“Bullshit.”

“oh yeah?” Lan Jingyi raised a mischievous brow, “Can Hanguang-jun do this?” Without warning Lan Jingyi started to tickle his stomach. 

“Jingyi–No!” Wen Yuan shrieked, dissolving into helpless laughter. He twisted, wheezing between giggles, trying to restrain him, but his arms gave up. Lan Jingyi was stronger than he acted, and merciless when it came to tickles.

“See how loud and big you laugh? Accept that you're a thousand times prettier than Hanguang-jun!” 

“No way!” 

“Yes way!” 

Lan Jingyi pounced on him with  double the attack. Making Wen Yuan a hopeless heap of laughter. 

“Fine, Fine!” Wen Yuan gasped in between strangled giggles, tears of mirth leaking from his eyes. “I accept!!” “I accept!!” 

Finally, Lan Jingyi relented, “Victory!” Flopping beside Wen Yuan like a victorious soldier. Wen Yuan laid on the bed, face flushed, tears stuck on his eye lashes, chest heaving, silently giggling. He glared at Lan Jingyi with betrayed affection, “You're evil.” 

Lan Jingyi grinned, hair messed up, his forehead ribbon askew, back heaving short of breath, “I call myself, the necessary evil.” 

Wen Yuan let out another breathless giggle that made his cheeks hurt. He pointed out to the other's forehead, “Your ribbon is coming off of your head.” Then, without a second thought, Wen Yuan reached out and pushed the ribbon back into place.

In an instant, Lan Jingyi turned crimson, the red spreading down his neck. Each heartbeat seemed to deepen the shade. 

“What…. oh.” Wen Yuan suddenly remembered the rules about not touching others' ribbons. “Sorry I forgot!” 

“No no no–” Lan Jingyi sat bolt upright, fixing his ribbon properly “that's- that's okay. Mistakes happen.” 

“Can I ask‐” before Wen Yuan could ask why the ribbon was so important, a loud, insistent knocking rattled the door.

“Must be Zizhen!” Lan Jingyi escaped the premise, running to get Zizhen, or just finding an excuse to run away from Wen Yuan momentarily. 

They were expecting only Ouyang Zizhen, but when they opened the door Jin Ling also stood there with a scowl. As soon as the doors opened, his scornful eyes wandered between Lan Jingyi and Wen Yuan, and the overall mess they were. 

“Were you two being disgusting?”  The boy asked with a disgusted look on his face. 

“Why are you here?” Lan Jingyi rolled his eyes but didn't stop him from walking in. 

Even Ouyang Zizhen, who's usually sweet, looked at them like they've done some unspeakable crime. Eyes sparkling, he silently handed over the clothes he bought for Wen Yuan. 

“I have business, with my friend, who just happens to be in your room.” Jin Ling takes one look at the messed up bed sheet and decides the chair was safer, and takes a seat far away from the scene of the alleged 'disgusting' behavior. 

Wen Yuan quickly donned on the simple gray robes. He can't help but be anxious with Jin Ling. He pretends to be calm, “What business does young master Jin have with this humble one?” 

“When are you meeting your fathers?” The boy asks looking elsewhere. His usual fury melted down to something soft. “I have unfinished business with him.” 

“Jin Ling, I know you hate Mo Xuanyu.” Lan Jingyi stepped forward uninvited, “He has left your clan, don't bother him unreasonably.” 

“What Mo Xuanyu?” Jin Ling was puzzled. “I'm talking about–”

“-About Cang Sizhui's adoptive father, who just happens to be Mo Xuanyu!” Ouyang Zizhen cut in comically loudly. 

Jin Ling stared at him, stupefied. “Cang Sizhui? Really?” 

Ouyang Zizhen smiled confidently, resting an arm around Wen Yuan's shoulder like buddies. “Yes, Cang Sizhui, not Mo Sizhui, because Cang is his other father's surname.” 

“And i should let you know” Lan Jingyi adds, “Cang Xiansheng is a very strict teacher. If you do anything stupid in front of him he'll put you in time out corner.” 

“You saw his father and still–?!” 

While Lan Jingyi and Jin Ling debate, Wen Yuan is busy baffling at Zizhen. “Don't worry, I will help you keep your fathers identity secrets.” the boy whispered in his ears with a reassuring pat. Wen Yuan knew the boy was observant, but he underestimated the boy. Now it turns out, both Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen knew that Wen Yuan was… well, Wen Yuan son of Hanguang-jun And Yiling Laozu.

Jin Ling stares at Wen Yuan with a clear unspoken question of ‘why’. Why was he keeping Lan Jingyi in the dark? 

Wen Yuan stares back as a response that he didn't tell anyone but they somehow figured out. Lan Jingyi is just too gullible. 

In the end Jin Ling played along. Wen Yuan doesn't know how, but it seemed that Jin Ling didn't in fact hate him for who he was, he was just the type to pretend like everyone annoyed him. Wen Yuan has yet to figure out a way to let Lan Jingyi know of the truth, but the right never seems to come.