Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Rodent Island"

This island we are taken to was a foreboding-looking jungle island that no sane being would voluntarily explore it. All the plant life did not look at all healthy and everything appeared pretty much dried up. As we take a look around, we hear ominous music to go with the mood.

We go to one big structure shaped like a giant rodent and zoom inside an entrance on the side. In a room inside the structure were a group of large rodents (rodents the size of stone gargoyles) having a meeting.

The lead rat, a stern-looking one known as Thelonious, began "My fellow rats, as you know, our kind has two goals: to thrive and expand. However, it's been far away from a cakewalk as we could possibly get. Why is that, you ask? Because everywhere we go, we've been greeted not with kindness but with poison, gas, cats, dogs, glue boards, traps, being stuffed, shot and drowned!" He then hung his head with a sad sigh, "We've lost several of our mates, friends, and offsprings all in the process."

All the other rats exchanged sounds of sadness and mourn in agreement. Some even shed some tears. Then Thelonious gave an evil grin as he continued, "But all of that is about to change! For soon, we will set forth on a full-scale invasion on two islands." He then wheeled out a board featuring a map showing two familiar islands. He got out a pointer, pointing to the islands and elaborated to his colleagues, "These are Bird Island and Piggy Island, two locations that are both wide enough for expansion, and promises better means of dining for us. That's better than this miserable rotten jungle we all have to take shelter in."

The rats gave eager looks of interest. They liked the idea! One rat, Clark, asked, "Um, Thel, what about the birds and pigs that already live there? With their war that happened before they became allies, they seem awfully tough, and I don't think they'd be willing to share their homes with us."

"I have a strong feeling they won't, and that's why we have to take their homes by force!" said Thelonious in agreement and determination. "They'll put up a fight, I'm sure, but we'll be ready for whatever they can dish out. And those who we don't chase off after the fight?" He then gave a sinister smirk, finishing his monologue. "Well, it'll be a gourmet meal with bacon and eggs for everybody!"

The rats all applauded, liking the idea even more. A new home and new food? Sign them up! Thelonius sat down as he chuckled and quieted them down, "Alright, alright, alright. Now, before we begin preps for the hostile takeover, let's get to the next item on the agenda. I want to thank Howie and Clark for their contributions in boosting morale around here, such as providing music gatherings on Fridays, and enhancing decor with these four new exotic plants." As he said that, he gestured to a record player with some records and what appeared to be four strange-looking exotic plants standing in the room nearby in a big plant holder. The others chattered in agreement, praising Howie and Clark for their ideas. "Very impressive and different-looking plants, I must say. Where did you find them? They couldn't have grown on this island with all the vegetation rotting."

Howie admitted, "Well, I just found them outside my home one day. It's like someone left them as a gift for us, but there wasn't really a card or anything." As he spoke, he tended to these plants, and when he touched the yellow one, it happened to make a giggle sound, surprising the rats.

Thelonious asked with a raise of his eyebrow, "Howie, am I crazy or did that plant just giggle?"

"I think it maybe squeaked, sir." He touched this plant again, causing it to giggle again, making Howie jump. "You heard right, sir. It DID giggle."

The lead rat then got up and glared suspiciously, "Something's off here with these." He approached the plants and tried to get a better look at them, but then a yellow hand that seemed to belong to one of the plants smacked him directly in the face. "What the--?"

He moved the plant holder around, showing what these plants looked like from the front, and these "plants" removed parts of themselves, revealing they weren't plants after all, but three familiar birds and a familiar green pig, all to the rats' further surprise.

Red said with a casual smirk, "Hey, how's it going?" He and the other three got ready, all glaring at the foes, as Red continued threateningly, "And now prepare to get the living snot kicked out of you!"

"Oh, hold on," said Chuck. "First, I gotta set the mood." He zipped over to the record player, got one of the records out, put it on, playing "If Ever You're In My Hearts Again" (the song by Peabo Bryson). Chuck quickly realized his mistake and flipped the record to the other side, playing some theme music of a typical action hero before zipping back. "Okay, let's go."

Red then decked Thelonious straight down to the floor and yelled, "YAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

The other rats glared, getting up from their chairs, ready to take down the intruders. They all charged at them, but Red, Chuck, and Leonard socked, kicked, struck (in the groin or stomach), flipped and swung each new rat that came their way. Bomb, however, felt reluctant as he wasn't as good at combat as the other three.

Leonard then grabbed a charging Howie and shoved the poor rodent's face under his underarm, and needless to say, Howie screamed like a woman in disgust and horror as he ran away. The green pig chuckled but got curious as he sniffed his underarm. HIS reaction? "Whoof!" Yeah, the pig needed to shower more.

Then Chuck zipped out of the room and in literally no time at all, he came back in the room riding in on the janitorial mop bucket he stole from a rat janitor in another part of the structure. He gleefully rode in while wearing a janitor's cap and holding the mop that came with the bucket. Once he was there, he pushed the bucket over, sending the collected water the henchrats' way, sending them, slipping, sliding and falling. The undaunted rats, though, recovered as they went for the four, cornering them against the wall, while Bomb got more and more anxious.

The bomb-shaped bird said to himself anxiously, "Losing battle...being crowded by vicious rats..." His fuse started twitching, to his friends' notice as they gasped and put protective gear and masks over themselves. "CAN'T HOLD IT IN!" He then literally exploded, sending a huge cloud of fire and smoke everywhere and blowing the rats back, blackening them and sending them out cold. Bomb's friends removed their gear, apparently only slightly blackened from their round comrade's explosion.

As the group got away from the wall, Thelonious then came to as he took advantage of this opportunity to grab his pointer which also doubled as a switchblade sword with the press of a button. He then got up and charged at the red bird, with Leonard noticing and exclaiming, "Red, head's up!"

Red saw the angry rat approaching him when Chuck quickly tossed him something to use for defense. That object was...

"A mop?" Red asked in disbelief. Chuck only gave an apologetic shrug. "Oh well, make lemonade with lemons, I guess."

Thelonious went for Red, who dodged, and then the two ended up moving their feet like boxers do before they fight. Then they began swinging their mop and blade at each other, with each dodging his opponent's attacks. Red even leaped up in the air to avoid being hit by the blade, and as he was in the air, he spun around and hit the rat in the face with the mop head as well as the pole end. As his friends watched, they shouted and rooted for the red hero. Red then bounced off the walls and landed firmly on his feet, pointing his mop at the fiend, who only smirked evilly as he used his blade to chop the long pole end of the mop off, to the heroes' concern. The rat prepared to slice the bird as well but fortunately Red was resourceful enough to use the filthy mop head. He leaped up and slammed it right onto the rat's eyes, making him scream in pain, "Ahhh! My eyes! All that bacteria is harmful to my vision!"

He tried to get the bird as he ran, but since the mop head was in his eyes and the mop head's bacteria was affecting his eyes, he couldn't see where he was going, so he ran into the wall and was sent to the floor again. One more angry rat burst in the room, this rat was the custodian whom Chuck robbed, and he charged at the yellow bird, only to be grabbed by Leonard, who threw him towards the wall, slamming his head directly into it.

Once all the brawling was through, the four began to make their exit towards a nearby window when Thelonious tried to get up, asking with a groan, "Who--who are you four?"

The heroes turned with smirks as Red said, "We are Red, Chuck, Bomb and Leonard Mudbeard, four of the protectors of Bird and Piggy Island!"

Thelonious, hardly having any energy left from the fight, couldn't be able to stand up on his legs so he collapsed back to the floor.

Chuck then frowned while sternly pointing his finger at the defeated rats, reprimanding them, "And don't ever let us catch you guys on either of those islands unless you come in peace. After all, if you just simply asked us to share our homes with you instead of this hostile takeover, we could have worked something out."

"It could have saved us a smackdown, that's for sure," Bomb added in agreement while Leonard rested his arm against one of the structure's bricks.

"Well, it's time we bid you adieu, you dirty rats," Leonard said as he gave a mock salute and suddenly lost balance as the brick broke. He flailed his arms and shouted in panic before he grabbed onto Red and started pulling him out the window. The two fell as they screamed during their long drop, with Chuck and Bomb jumping out after them. Fortunately for the four, Mighty Eagle and a couple of Zeta's eagle guards came flying in and each caught them. Then the eagles put them on their backs (while one just carried Bomb with his feet) as they all flew away from the island.

---

Next, we see the group flying through the sky, but we see where they were heading from the driver's point-of-view.

"Angry Birds: The Angry Gun"

A flock of geese were flying through in formation with the group heading straight for them. Unable to turn, they collided into a few unlucky geese.

Our heroes then flew over a city of a continent inhabited...with beings called people? This is unexpected. They passed over a baseball stadium with a ball being knocked out of the park and hitting Red right in the face, making him exclaim a bit in pain.

Next, we see the group over the water, riding the raging waves near Pen Gu Island, passing confused bird surfers, such as Cody Maverick, Tank, and Chicken Joe, with the three being distracted by the newcomers' presence, that they each fell off their boards and into the water.

The group explored another spot on Pen Gu Island, which is the underground caverns, sliding down them wildly and doing their best to avoid the hot lava.

Then, the group zoomed through a forest where many yelping forest animals dodge and evaded the group flying too low.

Somehow, the group were now flying through a house in New York City, belonging to the Little family, with a white cat named Snowbell running away from them screaming and frantically begging, "Please don't hurt me!"

The group flew down another part of New York City, racing a car known as the Ecto-1, with a certain group of ghost catchers in pursuit of a ghost.

The next random location they travelled through is another island called Swallow Falls aka Chewandswallow, with all the citizens running for their lives during a spaghetti twister storm, and everyone (including our group) did their best to avoid the giant meatballs being shot from the twisters.

Then they were caught in the middle of a fight between two pirate ships, each one having cannonballs blasted at each other. Our group avoided each ball they could.

Next, they flew through the lobby in a hotel in Transylvania filled with monsters and people. Their sudden swooping and flying without careful steering startled everyone in there as each ran out of the way to avoid getting hit. One unlucky monster was a green blob, who got inadvertently split in half by the group.

Finally, the birds (with Leonard still in tow) arrived at their home destination (well home for four of them at least): Bird Island. As they flew in, the bird citizens saw the eagles with their passengers were coming in too hot and couldn't figure where to land, so they all ran in panic to avoid being crashed into. They were nearing Matilda's anger management class hut, and the Mime Bird, who was in front of the hut, just saw them approaching as he gasped in alarm. He yelled frantically as he ran, "Oh my gaaww-ha-ha-hawsh!" He sprinted like mad though futilely as he wasn't able to get out of their direction for some reason. Without looking, he then ran against the door of Matilda's hut, resulting in him to slide down with the group stopping where they were.

The door was opened up by Matilda who saw the group and happily greeted them, "Oh. Hi, boys. Welcome home." She then glanced at the mime bird lying on her doorstep with a wince, "Oh, what happened to him?"

By the way, those random locations you saw before cannot be explained.

End