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There’s nothing new there. He’s used to seeing Ohashi kissing others or trying to. Time after time. All the time.
Heck, the guy even tried kissing Suezawa himself in front of everybody! There were no limits to what he could try next. Or whom.
“He has tried kissing me too!” He mumbled. It’s not a great consolation, admittedly. But it’s something Jo tells himself from time to time to gain face. He could feel his chest swelling up with something akin to pride over the fact that Ohashi had tried kissing him again and again.
He’s not like the rest of guys on Kazuya’s list of kissing victims, though. He’s different. Special, even. An exception to the rule.
Or, rather, he used to be.
But now, Jo’s chest — his heart — crumpled half its size at the thought.
He’s now part of that list, the one Kazuya surely must be holding somewhere. He must already have crossed out Jo’s name, forgotten about him, and moved on to his next target.
Jo cannot tell any of his group mates about it. Not a word. They’re mostly good kids, but they’d also tease him to no end if he ever were to tell them. They had already proved it by jumping on the “Let’s tease Jo, the tsundere” train on stage right after the kiss had happened.
No, he can definitely not tell them a word. It was out of the question.
“I don’t think he has a list, though.”
Jo looks up from where he was slouched on his couch. He focuses on the pair of hazel eyes framed by a million of pensive wrinkles instead of paying any attention to the snickering figure by the window.
Richa had at least enough decency to hide his laughing face from Jo, though his trembling frame gave him away.
He felt a surge of vindication when he caught Sue glaring at Richa on his behalf.
“Like I was saying…” Suezawa raised his voice an octane to catch everyone’s attention. “Ohashi is a creature of impulses, so he’ll always do whatever feels good at the moment.”
Jo didn’t want to, but he could already feel the pout forming in his mouth.
“That’s not as helpful as you might think, Sue.”
“What Suezawa is trying to say, I believe…” Richa interjected, now that his fit of laughter had subsided. “It’s that Ohashi doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. He did what he always does, whatever it felt right to do. He didn’t give it a second thought.”
“So, he kissed me just because it felt right? Am I supposed to feel better now?”
Seiya and Richa exchanged a glance as Jo shielded his eyes with his hands and hung his head low. He must be having it real bad if he was openly uncovering his dramatic antics in private.
“Listen, Jo…”
But whatever point Seiya had tried to make, it was swallowed by the sudden sound of the double slap Jo gave himself. It was so abrupt that both Richard and Seiya snapped their heads up in surprise.
“I’ve made my choice!” Jo declared and stood up from his sofa, looking at nobody. He pointedly ignored the other two and strode to the fridge in his kitchenette. “I’ll move on from here as if nothing happened…”
Richa and Seiya exchanged yet another glance as Jo poured some water into a glass and gulped it down in one-go.
“Jo…”
“Um?” He looked at Seiya. Jo’s face was shining as it always did when he stood up on stage. It was difficult to deal with this Jo.
“I don’t think that’s the best way to deal with this…” but Suezawa couldn’t quite make his voice sound as stern as he would have liked to.
“Deal with what?”
Seiya sighed, and that was enough for Richard to take over.
“With Ohashi kissing you on stage.”
Jo blinked a few times, not losing face at the metaphorical cold shower being poured at him.
“Deal with what?” He repeated as if Richa had never opened his mouth.
The decision was made. Jo would deal with this whole stuff the best way he could; by not dealing with it at all.
Jo’s plan had two minor flaws.
The first one was clear to him now. He hadn’t considered the frequency of their interactions and how often they would find themselves in each other’s company as members of Naniwa Danshi. He hadn’t added to his calculations how he couldn’t help but naturally gravitate towards Ohashi Kazuya whenever they were in the same room. It was inevitable, and being around the younger guy only intensified his feelings and replayed the memory of that fateful kiss.
That was the second flaw.
How would he act as if nothing had ever happened between them when the kiss kept replaying in his mind? The memory of the kiss lingered, haunting him even as he tried to bury it deep within. The more he tried to erase it from existence, the more his mind and heart would fight to keep it alive, sharpening the edges of the memory and adding more details to it. As much as he wanted to pretend it never occurred, the weight of those fleeting seconds pressed upon him, and he would glance over at Ohashi from time to time, unable to shake off the impact it had on him.
If only he could have stayed in that overwhelmed state he was during the concert, after the kiss. Things would be so much easier if he could! The shock had been so great that he literally had no recollection of the kiss right after it had happened.
If it weren’t for Daigo, the self-proclaimed president of the JoHashi’s shippers fan club, things would be completely different. He could have kept quiet about. But no. Not him! He just had to bring it up for everybody to talk about it during the MC of that same concert. As if he were saying, “Let’s just all come together and make fun of the idiot in love who just got kissed by his prince charming!”
Not that Ohashi was anywhere close to be a Prince Charming, of course, Jo scoffed mentally.
Ohashi had been part of the problem, too. He couldn’t keep quiet about it. Kazuya hadn’t shied away from sharing the details either, describing the kiss that had shaken Jo to the core. Making fun of Jo, who had just too shocked to even remember. As if he had dismissed it for being too short of a kiss.
It had been just a brief kiss, alright, but still a kiss.
Jo had been so adamant in not letting Kazuya’s lips touched his up to that moment, and yet…
“Seriously, how many times do we have to go through this?” Daigo cried out when they had to stop the music yet again, the rest of the group voicing out their complaints as well. “What is wrong with you today?”
There was concern in his voice, mixed up with the frustration that came from repeating the same choreography for the umpteenth time. Yet, Jo mumbled a half excuse about how he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
“Mercury is in retrograde” would have worked just the same as an excuse.
The choreographer called for a much-needed break, and everyone made a noise of agreement. Jo couldn’t help the sinking feeling, aware as he was of being wasting everyone’s time and effort during rehearsal.
They’re finally at the starting point; it’s their first tour as a debuted group. It was not the time to be scatterbrained. He should be focused; more than everyone else. He cannot mess things up now just because Kazuya had finally kissed him and must be already chasing after his next victim.
“Aren’t you coming?”
Jo could clearly see Kazuya’s worried face through the mirror, but he couldn’t bring himself to face the other just yet.
“Nah,” he pretended to be retying his already tied shoes. “I better get myself back in shape or the choreographer-san won’t let us go today.”
As the tension filled the room, Ohashi took a hesitant step forward, his eyes searching for the right words. He seemed eager to say something, perhaps to break the silence that had fallen between them.
“Bring me something fresh when you return, won’t ya?”
Ohashi had no other choice but to nod and leave, tailing behind the other five that were well ahead of him on the way to the closest conbini. He looked back at Jo a few more times, but said nothing.
Jo remained crouched in the middle of the dance studio, no longer fiddling with his shoelaces. Wasn’t he the one who said he would act as if nothing happened? He couldn’t just say he had miscalculated things and back down now, could he?
He stretched his legs out in front of him and placed his palms firmly on the floor behind his back, leaning his upper body slightly backward.
He let out a soft sigh, his gaze drifting to the mirror before him, where his own reflection stared back. He could almost hear the voice of his inner critic, that nagging part of him that always seemed to chime in at the most inconvenient moments.
Pretending the kiss didn’t happen wasn’t even an option anymore, so he scratched that idea. What else could he do, then? He would have to come to terms with the fact that Kazuya had his way with him and…
“I’m making it sound as if he’s some sort of Don Juan,” he said out loud, chuckling a little.
Suezawa and Richa were right about this. Kazuya was not like that. At all. He is a lovable airhead that shone through life, doing whatever feels right while wearing his heart on his sleeve. He’s the same guy that cried bitterly because he missed a note on the opening night of their Christmas concert. The same guy that watches all of Jo’s appearances on TV, and is now worried because Jo’d been missing almost every step during practice.
“He’s the same guy that gave Micchi his first kiss,” Jo said, wondering how come that memory was endearing, while Kazuya kissing him on stage was unbearable.
He remembered every time he caught Kazuya kissing other guys. It was not only Micchi or Kota-chan, but a long list of Juniors and Senpais. It used to be so funny that Jo himself was the instigator behind those kisses from time to time. But, at some point, it went from funny to nagging to unbearable.
When did exactly the thought of Kazuya kissing other lips became such a burden?
He slumped down on the floor and interlocked his hands on his tummy.
“Since the moment you fell for the lovable airhead, Joichiro.”
It was the first time he spelled it with all its letters that he had fallen in love with Ohashi Kazuya.
“Come on, Joichiro. You can’t jump to that conclusion so easily. You can’t let yourself get so worked up over a simple kiss. It’s just a kiss, right?” he muttered to himself, trying to downplay the significance of the moment.
But deep down, he knew it was more than just a kiss. It was a bridge between friendship and something deeper, something that he couldn’t ignore any longer. He had always prided himself on being rational, a creature of logic, but matters of the heart were an entirely different battlefield.
When did exactly the thought of Kazuya kissing other lips became such a burden?
It was plain to see. It was around the same time that he had promised himself that he would only kiss Kazuya if it meant something to the two of them.
Oh, how many times he had had to dodge Kazuya’s hungry lips even though he was dying to taste them! And how many thousands of times more had he held back the desire to steal one kiss from Kazuya!
The many times they’ve shared a room at a hotel or at Shochikuza.
Every time Kazuya had drunk a bit too much and had gotten a bit too close to Jo.
The day they had announced their debut on stage.
“The fans would have loved that!” He couldn’t believe that what he was hearing was his laughter at a moment like that. And not a bitter one, at that!
Click! Click!
He was frozen on the spot.
A tiredly exasperated sigh escaped past his lips as his eyes shot down. He didn’t need to look at the door to know who’s standing there.
“Not funny, Daigo,” Jo quipped, his tone a mixture of annoyance and resignation.
His chuckle totally gave him away: it was indeed Daigo at the door, his smartphone firmly secured in his hands. He was casually leaning against the doorframe, his fingers tapping away at his phone as if he held the power to unravel Jo’s thoughts.
“What would the fans have loved?” Daigo’s voice was laced with curiosity and amusement.
By all answers, Jo blinked a few times.
Daigo seemed extra focused on getting an answer from the eldest, though. No matter what it took.
“How much would Hassun give me for those pictures?” He asked mischievously, as if he were just musing things to himself out loud.
Jo could hear the need Nishihata Daigo was feeling to stir him up. He shouldn’t take the bait. There was no reason to fall for it. He should give him nothing remotely close to an answer. Not even a reaction.
Yet he snorted bitterly.
“You’d be surprised at the things I’ve gotten that way with that guy...” Daigo chirped in, mistaking Jo's bitterness with incredulity. He finally left his spot by the door to sit on the floor, far from Jo, though he could see his reflection in the mirror.
“Just by offering random pictures?” Jo’s lips curled into a wry smile, his eyes narrowing slightly as he regarded Daigo. Daigo was playing a dangerous game, but he was determined not to let himself be cornered.
“Just by offering random pictures of you.”
Jo’s heart skipped a beat. He twitched, but didn’t bulge. He didn't turn or move to face Daigo. Instead, he counted four intakes of air before taking out his cellphone. Not suddenly or slowly, but at the right speed. With measured precision; the action deliberate and calculated. After all, Daigo was a terrifying man; you never knew how much he knew and how much he could deduce from any situation.
The eldest was also very much aware he was being studied by the other, which was why he had to be extra careful not to reveal anything to the other. Especially not about how careful he was being.
The best course of action was not to change topics abruptly, as if his heart hadn’t raced at the joke thrown at him.
As if Ohashi bargaining for pictures of him hadn’t raised his hopes up.
“A penny for your thoughts,” Daigo inquired instead.
Jo chuckled at his unmasked mischief.
“Oh, you know, just the usual wondering about mysteries of outer space, decoding human DNA, and how to keep Kento from spilling food on his clothes.”
Not even if he could would Daigo have stopped himself from laughing at Jo’s witty response.
“I see, just the usual, huh?” He squeezed in between laughs.
“Though now I’m wondering how to stop you from prying into my thoughts.”
“Just me?”
“I don’t see anybody else,” and he pointed at the otherwise empty dance studio.
Daigo shrugged.
“Well, what can I say? You’ve been acting way off to ignore it.”
There was a question lingering in the air.
“I already told you-“
“Yeah, yeah, yeah...” he said in a weary tone, cutting Jo off. He even dared rolling his eyes at the oldest, waving his hand dismissively. That was just a preface to his sarcastic tone. “‘Cause it’s the first time you come to practice overslept-“
“I didn’t oversleep.”
“... Or hungover-“
“I didn’t drink last night.”
“Or-“
“Cut it out, Nishihata,” Jo said in a final tone, though he was not upset. Not the least bit. He was amused and even touched by Daigo’s interest in his well-being.
He wasn’t opening his mouth, though. He wasn’t telling Daigo he’d been so off because he couldn’t take his mind off of Ohashi’s lips on him. Jo had to look away at the embarrassing thought.
“You cannot blame me for trying,” he simply shrugged. Daigo wouldn’t push his luck with Jo at this point. He just looked at his group mate, taking out his phone and typing out who-knew-what before locking the screen and putting it face down by his side.
«Call me» Jo had simply texted, knowing very well there wasn’t much he could do where he was standing at the moment. Talking with Daigo would not help him if Jo wasn’t willing to share what was on his mind.
And he already knew what to do, anyway.
“No, I cannot blame you,” he answered distractedly.
“I was just following Leader’s orders and...”
Jo perked at that, but his phone started buzzing at that precise moment.
He looked at his phone, still lying face down, torn between taking the call he had requested and digging out more information about Ohashi’s orders and Daigo following them.
He opted to pick up the damned call.
“You couldn’t keep up your facade, right?” Seiya barked on the other side of the line as soon as the call connected.
“Sorry, I have to take this,” he apologetically mumbled to Daigo, as he was moving to the door. “I missed you too, man!” He energetically exclaimed into the device.
“Who’s there? Who were you talking to?” Seiya ignored Jo’s words. “Is that Ohashi? Are you trying to make him jealous?”
Jo sighed again.
“This is not some oshidora,” he responded. “It was just Daigo, pestering me to tell him-“
He went quiet real fast.
“To tell you what?” Seiya enquired eagerly.
“Are you busy now?” Jo asked instead. He was completely clueless about why he had prompted Suezawa to call him at a moment like that, so it sure would take quite a while to figure himself out during one phone call. Especially when rehearsal wasn’t over yet.
“That bad, huh?” Suezawa simply said. It was all the answer Jo needed, but considering his apparent state, Seiya added, “Wouldn’t have called if I were” just in case. You never knew with a theatrically cryptic Jo, too out of himself to follow normal conversations.
“So...?” Seiya pressed, when Jo remained quiet.
Jo’s heart started racing as he moved away from Daigo, stepping out of the dance studio to continue his phone call with Seiya in private. He leaned against the hallway wall, his forehead pressed against the wall, his voice hushed as he spoke into the phone.
He unconsciously sheltered himself from the rest of the world.
“You know, Suezawa, sometimes I wish things were simpler,” Jo mused, his voice tinged with a touch of melancholy. “Like the way you and I can just banter and bicker, and there’s that. Nothing has to change.”
Seiya chuckled softly. “Yeah, well, we’ve had years to perfect our weird dynamic. It’s like a finely tuned art.”
“Yeah… But-”
“Life has a way of making everything complicated,” Seiya interrupted. “But hey, sometimes you need a little chaos to shake things up.”
There was a momentary silence on the other end, before Seiya’s voice came through, carrying that signature deadpan humor. “Look, things don’t have to change just because you guys kissed.”
“He kissed me,” Jo corrected.
“Yes, yes, yes,” Seiya dismissed it, with the same weary tone Daigo had used just a few minutes before. Jo started thinking there must be something wrong with him if he was exasperating two of his friends in one day. “Why would things have to change just because your all-time crush finally kissed you, only that he did it on stage?”
It was the deadpan tone that made it for Jo and he let out a short laugh, grateful for Seiya’s ability to cut through the tension with a well-timed joke.
“Yeah, something like that. But seriously, Suezawa, what do I do? I can’t pretend like it didn’t happen-”
“No shit, Sherlock,” Seiya interjected with sarcasm.
“… But I can’t just go up to Ohashi and be like, ‘Hey, that kiss meant more to me than you think,’” he continued, as if the interruption had never happened.
“Why not?” Seiya blurted.
Jo huffed.
Seiya’s response was dry, tinged with amusement. “Well, you could try it. I’m serious. Might make for some grand entertainment.”
Jo rolled his eyes, even though Seiya couldn’t see him. “Real helpful, Sue.”
“Okay, okay, fine,” Seiya relented, his tone softening. “Look, Jo, I get it. These things can mess with your head. But you’re not a mind-reader, and neither am I. The quickest way to figure this out is to talk to Ohashi.”
Before Jo could respond, his thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a chilly plastic bottle poked against his cheek. He turned to glare at the source of the intrusion, only to have his annoyance melt away when he saw who it was.
Kazuya stood before him, a concerned look in his eyes as he offered a bottle of lemonade. Jo’s heart skipped a beat, his mind momentarily blank as he took in the sight of his bandmate.
He wondered if his lack of retort had contributed to make him even more worried than he already had been during rehearsal.
“Here,” Kazuya said softly, pressing the bottle on Jo’s free hand.
“Thanks,” Jo replied, his voice absent-minded as he finally accepted the drink.
Kazuya tilted his head ever so slightly, brows furrowed in a quizzical stare.
“Did I-?”
“Is that Ohashi?” Suezawa’s voice blared through the speaker, loud enough for both Jo and Kazuya to hear. For Jo, it acted as a reminder of the phone call he had forgotten about midway.
“Are you talking to Seiya?” Kazuya’s voice held a mix of surprise and uncertainty.
“Yes,” Jo answered to both questions, his eyes fixed on Ohashi, while his heart hammered quickly against his chest.
What the hell was going on?
“Should I let you talk to him?” At least Suezawa had the decency to drop his voice low enough for only Jo to listen.
“Oh, tell him I say hi,” Jo watched as Kazuya managed a small smile, his lips tightening in that way he had come to know so well. And then, Kazuya just walked back to the dance studio.
This time, he didn’t look back at Jo, not even once.
“No,” Jo said after he cleared his throat. His eyes followed Ohashi until he disappeared from his sight. “No, he already left...”
The line was quiet for a moment, as if Seiya could sense the weight of the situation. “Jo...”
Jo sighed softly, his gaze shifting as he noticed the familiar figures of his bandmates — Ryusei, Kento, Takahashi, and Micchi — returning to the dance studio, laughter and conversation flowing easily among them. The sight tugged at his heart.
As he looked at the rest, a conflicted feeling gnawed at him. He didn’t get any definite answer from the call with Suezawa, and yet, the practical demands of the tour were pressing. He knew he had to return to practice, to focus on their performances and the responsibilities that came with being an idol.
Yet Seiya’s words echoed in his mind.
With another sigh — a heavy one this time —, Jo ended the call with a quick goodbye. No decisions were taken. He only knew he couldn’t linger in the moment, contemplating his feelings. The timing was wrong.
He pushed away his thoughts, his expression shifting into one of determination. There would be time for introspection later.
Maybe.
The apartment was dimly lit by a single lamp, casting a soft, warm light across the room. Jo was pacing back and forth, a small towel around his nape and shoulders preventing the few water drops from falling from his hair to wet his pajamas.
If it weren't for his pacing around, he would appear to be calm and collected.
He wasn't.
He kept pacing, reliving moments he had shared with Kazuya with Kazuya in mental reruns — every moment, every stolen glance, every teasing smile. His heart raced, and his frustration only deepened. "Stop overthinking," he muttered to himself, trying to regain control of his racing thoughts. "Just... stop."
Yeah, good luck with that.
Several days had gone by since that conversation with Seiya, and Jo hadn't yet gathered the courage to confront Kazuya. It was easy to hide behind rehearsals, the tour, performances, and the daily routines of an idol to avoid facing the inevitable.
Because… Talking to Kazuya was bound to happen, right? Jo wasn't avoiding the thing altogether, though. He was just weighing the pros and the cons, timing, and a million of other variables in order to...
Who was he kidding?
He'd had a dozen opportunities to talk to Kazuya and had opted to run away. Each. Freaking. Time. The weight of his feelings had become almost unbearable; the turmoil within him remained.
And now, after a grueling day of solo work, Jo found himself back at his apartment, exhaustion mingling with his unresolved emotions. He had just taken a bath, hoping the warmth would wash away everything that had been gnawing at him since that shocking — but magical — kiss on stage. Suddenly, he slumped onto his couch, staring blankly at the wall, trying to mute the voices within… Stopping his brain from replaying memories and conversations that would only torment him.
Will he ever grow the guts to discuss that kiss, or at least how he feels deep inside?
"I totally would," he stubbornly told himself while crossing his arms. "Just haven't had the chance to... to... to speak in private."
If the three youngsters weren't playing around in loud voices causing ruckus wherever they went, or if Kento wasn’t tagging himself to Ohashi virtually all the time, or if Daigo wasn't snooping around with his inquiring eyes...
That's what he had been thinking all these past days. But now, with only four walls for company, he couldn’t exactly deny that his mind was just a battleground between his feelings and his fears.
Just as he was about to give in to his fatigue and drift off into an uneasy sleep, a knock at the door startled him. He froze, his heart skipping a beat. Who could it be at a time like this?
Jo's heart raced as he stood up and cautiously approached the door.
Opening it, he found himself face to face with Kazuya, standing there with a concerned look in his eyes. Surprise mingled with disbelief on Jo's face as he took in the unexpected visitor. He wasn't expecting anyone, least of all Kazuya.
“Hey, Jo,” Kazuya greeted softly, his voice like a soothing melody. A small smile graced his lips, a mix of warmth and uncertainty. “How is it going?”
Jo felt a surge of panic as he saw Ohashi standing at his doorstep. He quickly checked around the other, making sure Daigo or some other people weren’t with him. But no, Kazuya was standing there alone. In his apartment. In the dead of night.
What did he want?
“Uh… hi, Ohashi,” Jo stammered, trying to sound casual. But he couldn’t keep himself from blurting, “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, about that!” Ohashi sheepishly scratched his nose. Jo had known him long enough to recognize the cute, shy act; but that was far from the Ohashi Kazuya he knew. “You see… I was texting Massan, right? And he told me Suezawa told him I should check on you. That he can’t because he’s busy in Osaka…”
You gotta give it to Suezawa to use his boyfriend to get Ohashi to come to him. Since when did he know Jo wouldn’t have talked to Kazuya by then?
“Suezawa, really? Is he my mom now?” Jo joked, trying to brush it off with a light tsukkomi. “You can tell them both I’m totally fine, as you can see,” and he even pulled a little twirl, arms up, doing the whole ‘look at me’ show to make his point. Jo was just trying to ease the concern he could hear in Kazuya’s voice, though, to lighten up the mood and to not let out anything he could later regret.
He was not ready to spill the beans.
“Hey, Jo, mind if I come in?” Kazuya’s voice goes all soft and nervous, his eyes holding a mixture of concern and something else, something that made Jo’s heart skip a beat. “I hope I’m not intruding, but… I just thought maybe we could talk.”
Jo’s heart raced at the unexpected sight of Kazuya asking to be let in. He stepped back to allow him in, his mind a whirlwind of confusion and anticipation. He blinked, momentarily taken aback. Kazuya’s presence was surreal, and his offer to talk left him feeling both anxious and hopeful. He gestured to the couch, unable to find the right words just yet.
“Yeah, of course,” Jo managed, a little belatedly, his voice slightly unsteady. “Come on in.”
They were already inside the apartment, about to sit on his couch.
As they both settled on the couch, a tension hung in the air, heavy with unspoken emotions. Jo couldn’t help but steal glances at Kazuya, his heart pounding as he searched for any clues in the other’s expression.
What was it he wanted to talk about?
As they both settled on the couch, a tension hung in the air, heavy with unspoken emotions. Jo couldn’t help but steal glances at Kazuya, his heart pounding as he searched for any clues in the other’s expression.
Kazuya seemed to sense Jo’s unease, and he let out a soft sigh, his eyes warm with understanding. “Jo, I know things have been… tense… between us lately,” he began, his voice steady yet gentle. “But you know you can always talk to me, right?”
Jo’s heart raced, his fingers fidgeting nervously in his lap. He had rehearsed these words countless times in his mind, but now that the moment was here, his courage wavered. Taking a deep breath, he looked into Kazuya’s eyes, his own gaze unwavering. “Kazuya, I… Yeah, things have been…” he started, his voice shaky. “Sorry, I’ve been-”
Kazuya’s expression softened. His gaze turned apologetic. “Did I do something?”
Jo looked a bit shocked.
“Did I do something that bothered you?”
“No, no!” Jo shook his hands in front of him, nervously wanting to stop Ohashi from reaching the wrong conclusions. How had he let him reach this idea? “I’m not… It’s not like I’m, you know, mad at you or something."
“Are you not?”
“No, no!” he repeated with a double dose of hand flailing, and only ceased as he saw Ohashi believed him. It was do or die now, right? He shouldn’t waste this opportunity. “But there’s… I... There’s something I’ve been wanting to say,” he started, his voice getting a bit more resolute.
Kazuya’s expression softened, his gaze encouraging. “Go ahead, Jo. You can tell me anything.”
Swallowing his nerves, Jo continued, “I’ve known you for a while now, and... We’ve been together for so long, right? But then, this kiss that-”
“I knew something was bothering you,” Kazuya sounded… disappointed? Hurt? Jo didn’t want to get the wrong idea himself, so he’d better speed up his speech before his hopes went up on the wrong basis.
“That’s not it! I… Because of the- Well, no, it’s not because of the kiss, I just…” he huffed and puffed and sighed. It would have been funny to see if Kazuya wasn’t somehow scared of what was to come. Jo seemed calmer and more collected afterwards, but just slightly. “I’ve realized that my feelings for you have grown stronger in the last couple of-”
He stopped himself from blurting anything embarrassing. Ohashi didn’t need to know he had been harboring feelings for him for years now.
Jo cleared his throat and continued, “I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this without making it sound cheesy or complicated, but... I think I… I… like you.”
For a moment, the room seemed to hold its breath. Jo’s heart pounded in his chest, and he felt vulnerable, completely exposed. He was afraid of Kazuya’s reaction, of what he might say or not say.
Kazuya’s gaze remained steady, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I know.”
Those two words hit Jo like a punch to the gut. His heart sank, and a cloud of disappointment washed over him. He had expected something different. He thought he’d get more — more fireworks, more drama. The silence that followed felt heavy, and Jo’s mind raced with self-doubt.
“So, uh, not just the usual ‘like’.” Jo stumbled, his cheeks suddenly warming up. It would be silly to hope he wasn’t blushing, but he somehow did. “Like, I’m really into you. Like-like you. In the legit, for real, not just saying it for kicks kind of way.”
“Jo, I know.”
Jo blinked, his mind processing Kazuya’s words slowly. “Wait, you... you knew?”
Kazuya nodded, that familiar gentle smile still on his lips. “Yeah, Jo. I’ve known for a while.”
Jo felt a mix of surprise and relief at Kazuya’s unexpected admission. His lips twitched into a half-smile, a mixture of amusement and embarrassment coloring his cheeks for sure now. “You... really? You knew?” he repeated, his tone a mixture of incredulity and self-mockery.
Kazuya’s laughter rang loudly through the room, a sound that was both reassuring and endearing. “Yeah, I knew,” he said, his gaze unwavering as he met Jo’s eyes. “You’re not as subtle as you think.” He bumped shoulders with the older.
Jo’s eyebrows shot up, his embarrassment growing. “Was it that obvious?”
Kazuya’s smile softened, his thumb brushing gently against Jo’s hand. “Well, to me it was. But don’t worry, I think it’s cute.”
Jo’s cheeks were now a deep shade of red, and he huffed out a nervous laugh. “Cute, huh? Seriously? I wasn’t going for ‘cute’.”
Kazuya’s fingers interlocked with Jo’s, his touch warm and comforting. “I know,” he breathed, his gaze holding a warmth that melted away Jo’s anxiety. But then, Kazuya chuckled softly, as if he could read Jo’s deepest thoughts. “I wasn’t waiting for you to confess, Jo. I was just waiting for you to stop freaking out as usual and just talk to me.” His tone was light, teasing, and there was a warmth in his eyes that Jo hadn’t expected.
Jo’s lips curled into a small smile, his heart lighter than it had been in a long time. He didn’t want to be anywhere but there. “You mean I’ve been torturing myself with all this anxiety for nothing?”
Kazuya’s laughter was warm and melodic, a sound that Jo realized he never wanted to live without. “Seems like it,” he replied, his gaze full of affection. “But hey, at least we’re on the same page now.”
Jo’s laughter joined Kazuya’s, the tension that had filled the room dissipating completely. He met Kazuya’s gaze, his heart brimming with newfound confidence. “Yeah, we are.”
With the laughter still lingering in the air, Jo and Kazuya shared a moment where words weren’t really needed. Their fingers still interlocked, they exchanged a look that spoke volumes — of relief, of vulnerability, of a newfound connection that’s been waiting in the wings.
As they sat there, side by side, on the couch, time seemed to slow down. The weight of unspoken emotions has been lifted, and they’re left with a sense of openness, both freeing and comforting.
“You know,” Jo began, a hint of playfulness in his voice, “I was expecting a bit more drama when I confessed.”
Kazuya nudged him with a playful grin. “Sorry to disappoint. Should I have prepared a grand speech or something?”
“Nah, this is perfect,” Jo replied, his tone sincere. “No need for grand gestures. Just you and me… And maybe…”
He’s not sure what has gotten into him. But this all started because of an onstage kiss he was too hazed to remember happening. It would be only fair he got his own closure by giving a kiss he’s bound to remember for the rest of his life, right? Right?
He didn’t get as far as to rationalize things in deep. Truth be told, he was just feeding into his desire to savor Kazuya’s lips once and for all. His hand reacted of his own accord.
Without warning, he bridged the gap between them, his fingers gripping the back of Kazuya’s head. The touch wasn’t gentle; it was confident and urgent, yanking Kazuya’s face toward his. Their lips crashed together in an abrupt and passionate kiss, igniting a spark that had been smoldering between them. It was raw and fervent, fueled by unspoken emotions and a desire that had been suppressed for far too long. As quickly as it had started, Jo pulled back slightly, his breath escaping in a soft “Finally!” that encapsulated the sheer glory of the moment.
“What do you mean by that?”
Slowly, Jo’s eyes fluttered open, as though awakening from the most incredible dream he’d ever had.
“I mean…” Kazuya didn’t give Jo much chance to process anything that was happening. “Just because you don’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, you know?“
“Huh?”
“Our first kiss.” Kazuya seemed bashful about it. “On stage… Back in the concert?”
“I know what kiss you’re talking about, it’s just that… I thought… I wasn’t sure it meant…” Jo wasn’t used to not having the right words at the moment. It was frustrating, but he figured nothing could beat the truth. So, he just simply confessed, “I thought it had meant more to me than to you.”
Kazuya blinked a few times.
“I was the one kissing you.”
“You’ve been kissing others,” Jo didn’t want to ruin the moment by pestering Kazuya about his touchy-feely ways. It was part of his charm and personality, and he didn’t want him to change just because… Well, he wasn’t trying to reproach the other anything. He hadn’t had the right to back then, and he wasn’t sure he did now.
But he had to come clean.
“It’s not the same…”
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“Because it’s you, Jo,” Kazuya simply answered. “With you, it’ll always mean something, because you’ll always be special.”
How could Jo hold anything against Kazuya when he carried his heart on his sleeve like that?
Kazuya cleared his throat, breaking the somehow uncomfortable silence. “You know, there’s something I’ve been wanting to do, actually,” he said, his voice a touch nervous but determined.
Jo raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh? And what’s that?”
Without another word, Kazuya closed the distance between them, his hand coming to rest gently against Jo’s cheek. Their eyes lock, and time seemed to stand still as the world around them faded into the background. Everything was worlds apart from just a moment ago. Jo’s heart quickened, the anticipation sending a shiver down his spine.
And then, with a tenderness that took all of Jo’s breath away, Kazuya leaned in and pressed his lips against Jo’s in a gentle, lingering kiss. It was a kiss that spoke volumes — of understanding, of affection, and of the unspoken connection they’ve been tiptoeing around for so long.
Jo’s eyes fluttered closed as he melted into the kiss, his hand instinctively finding its way to Kazuya’s waist. The kiss felt like a promise, a bridge between the unspoken and the undeniable. The world seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of them and the electric current that coursed between their lips.
When they finally pulled away this time, they’re both left breathless, their gazes locked in a mixture of surprise and wonder. Jo’s lips tingled with the memory of Kazuya’s touch, and he couldn’t help but smile, his heart racing with a newfound energy.
Kazuya’s cheeks were tinged with a rosy hue, but his eyes were bright and steady. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” he admitted, his voice soft.
He didn’t know how, but Jo found his voice to say, “I vote for this to be our official first kiss.”
“Don’t wanna!” Kazuya puffed his cheeks cutely. “Every single kiss counts! You cannot erase the others just because you forgot!”
And with that, they share a moment of unspoken understanding, a silent promise of things to come. As Kazuya headed out the door, Jo watched him go with a heart full of hope and excitement. The night may be over, but a new chapter had just begun.
He took his phone out, typed a quick «Thanks» and sent the text. He was sure Suezawa would understand.