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Chapter Text

“Tell me, Regulus,” The Dark Lord's voice echoed in the living room of the Rosier manor “ what are my followers' thoughts about my recent actions?”

Regulus rose to his feet from his kneeling position on the floor, joints aching from a sleepless night and a skirmish near Hogsmeade, that he got involved in thanks to Barty.

“ They aren't pleased, my lord,” he started, keeping his eyes on the fireplace bewind his master, “they don't understand why you would make a deal with the werewolves, most of them think we should just force them to help with our efforts or refuse any contact as we are above them and is a shame to associate with such lowly creatures” 

“So much misplaced pride,” The Dark Lord mused, “tell me-" his voice was neither cold nor warm, not where or there, reminded Regulus of those grey autumn days-" do you share the opinions of your compatriots?"

He took a deep breath before answering 

"I think that is practical," he started, keeping his gaze on the burning wood," the werewolves are a useful ally…but I don't know if it's worth alienating purebred families because of them."

Nagini slithered through the floor. He liked snakes, they were the symbol of his Hogwarts house after all, he had spent years with a snake on his banner, but after seeing said snake devore a man whole, he couldn't call himself a fan of that particular one.

"You are holding back," that time he could detect some amusement on the Dark Lord's tone," I didn't ask for the logical answer. I asked what you think."

Red eyes stared into his soul with more intensity than the fire that he had been gazing at, and he stared back.

"I don't care," he replied," I don't care who we align with or what we do - as long as we win."

"What if that involved," The Dark Lord tilted his head a bit," allying with mudbloods?"

"I would marry one if that got me where I wanted."

For one second he feared that he had been too straight forward, too rash, but then the Dark Lord smiled. Maybe the smile was a bit condescending but it was still a good sign.

"Good," he stated, taking a sip of his wine and making Regulus' tense muscles relax," anything else that I should be aware of?'

"I spoke to that minister as you asked me to, my lord, he is reticent but agreed to sell information for the right price."

"And what would 'the right price' be?"

The ceiling creaked, Evan needed to have some maintenance done quickly or some day a wooden beam would fall and kill them all.

"Letting him live," Regulus couldn't hold back a small smirk.

That seemed to please his lord, he waved his hand and, after a quick bow, Regulus was dismissed, but before he could reach the door the Dark Lord spoke again.

"You have been serving me well," he started and Regulus felt glad that he was facing the door and the obvious satisfaction on his face was hidden," I have a special surprise for you, in tomorrow's meeting. I'm sure that you won't disappoint."

He walked through the mansion corridors trying to figure out what the surprise might be, so lost in thought that he collided with a stone column, cursing it before starting to walk again.

His fingers ran through his dagger, his pride and joy, a gift from Bellatrix when he joined the cause. He had managed to soak the blade in basilisk's venom - making even one small cut deadly - it had been expensive and hard but worth it.

Maybe the surprise would be a gift for his good work, like his precious dagger was, a new cursed weapon or an enchanted item. Or even…no, that would be dreaming too high…but maybe.

Before he could dream higher he was stumbling onto Lucius and Snape.

"Regulus, what a nice coincidence," Lucius greeted him like he hadn't been waiting in the corner to approach him.

“Indeed,” Regulus lied back, ignoring Snape who just stood behind Lucious like a bat.

He tried to step forwards and keep going but Lucius put his cane in front of him, almost making him fall face first on the black carpet.

“I saw you coming out of the living room,” Lucius stated,” were you in a meeting with our lord?” he asked like he already didn't know the answer.

It was not hard to understand the dangerous gleam in Lucius' eyes - envy - he had been the one that presented Regulus to the Death Eaters, in his eyes that meant that Regulus didn't have permission to ever be more successful than him, even if he was an absolute idiot and not owned anything.

Snape was harder to read. He was just there.

“I was,” Regulus replied briefly before trying to move again, that time the cane wavered closer to his stomach.

“You have been attending a lot of private meetings, haven't you?”  Lucious' tone was almost as passive aggressive as Narcissa's, his wife must have been rubbing on him,” I find it weird considering that it has been months since you last went on a raid.”

The windows made the sun shine on Regulus' back and cast a massive shadow over Lucius, then Lucius' own shadow cast over Snape.

"You don't see The Dark Lord or Dumbledore going on raids," maybe he was being too presumptuous but it was deserved with the prospect of his upcoming reward.

Lucius twisted his nose at that and Snape finally decided to speak up instead of standing silently in the back like a ghoul, " are you comparing yourself to our lord?" 

"If that's how you choose to see it," he dodged.

Lucius took a deep breath, closing a hand in the head of his cane and leaning against it, he seemed more frustrated than anything.

"I hope you remember that I was the one to introduced you to our lord," he started," my wife and I let you spend your summers at our house, we ar-"

Thankfully, before Lucius could finish the sermon Barty and Evan appeared out of nowhere.

 It seemed like he was on his lucky day.

"Sorry to interrupt the chat," Barty started, grabbing his arm without care and starting to drag him away," but the host wants to have a word."

"Gentlemen," Evan nodded his head before also starting to walk away and whispering to Regulus, "you own us one."

After having to fight a bar full of angry customers, at two in the morning last night, because they couldn't hold their fire-whisky, Regulus considered them even.

They went up a flight of stairs to Evan's room, the only room in the house with any privacy after the Dark Lord made the manor his temporary residence.

Not to be cruel but Regulus couldn't see why he wouldn't choose the Rosier manor. In other times it might have been a great house, it was as big as any property of the Black's, but it had fallen to such a state of decay that it looked like an abandoned house more than anything.

Rotted floorboards, limestone on the walls, jammed windows and the damned creaking wooden beams.

"You need to fix the ceiling," Regulus said, after Evan closed the door.

Barty snorted and Evan turned around frowning, " you just came out of a private meeting with The Dark Lord and that's what you want to talk about?" He crossed his arms." What's your obsession with my ceiling?"

"The sound annoys me."

"Then go up there and fix it yourself."

Barty threw himself on Evan's unmade bed and took off his shoes. "Be careful," he waved his finger at Evan," or you will find him at four a.m on your roof with a hammer."

"I'm shaking in my boots."

Regulus rolled his eyes and let himself fall on an upholstered chair. Evan's room didn't have much furniture, unlike Barty's that was full of junk, but it had his way of being comfortable - much more than Regulus' own room.

"So, what was the meeting about?" Barty inquired, going straight to the point," and don't try to say that is 'confidential' or some shit, we just saved you from those creeps."

He probably used the 'confidential' excuse more than he should but, unlike Barty, he didn't enjoy talking about his missions, they were more like necessary evils instead of badges of honour.

It wasn't shame, nor regret, but the thought of talking about his crimes like they were crude jokes made his skin itch. 

"Nothing much, just a report on what's going on." A small pause for dramatics and then he added," and also I'm doing such a good job that there will be a surprise for me in tomorrow's meeting."

The sense of immeasurable pride grew as he said the words out loud. He was doing good, no, he was doing great - better than anyone ever expected him to.

Barty moved to take Regulus' hands in his and for a second he was too confused to react to the touch.

" Regulus, be honest with me," he put on a serious expression like if his next words were a matter of life or death," …are you fucking him?"

"No!"

He immediately retreated his hands.

"I wouldn't judge if you were," Barty shrugged like he hadn't just suggested that Regulus might have been sleeping with someone three times older than him, "he is quite handsome."

That was true but besides the point. 

Anyone else would have ended up with a wand or knife on the throat, depending on his mood, but Barty always got a free pass.

It was just hard to feel offended by him even when he said the most offensive things.

"Are you…" Evan started, then stopped, then tried again," I heard a commotion in the basement this morning, do you think it might be related?" 

A commotion in the basement wasn't what he expected from his reward. What could it mean? The basement was for prisoners, hostages - not gifts.

Maybe they had captured someone important, a minister or general of the order, and would let him take care of it. A public show of power. Maybe he hadn't been dreaming too high before, maybe he would get the recognition that he wanted.

It seemed too good to be true but the hope was still there.

"Who knows..." He said instead.

Evan didn't seem satisfied with the answer, he looked around the room, fixing his gaze on a crack in the wall and making a face that made him look like he was trying to chew his own tongue.

"Are you sure that is a good surprise?" Evan finally asked.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Regulus fired back.

Was it that unbelievable that he was doing well? That he deserved some praise? Bellatrix was gifted things, all kinds of forbidden dark magic and a position as the second in command, it was not like it was unheard for someone to be rewarded for good service to the cause.

He thinks that I don't deserve it.

"What I think Evan is trying to say with his poor social skills," Barty chimed in with his hands in a placating gesture," is that…that…" he frowned and then turned to Evan." Actually, I also don't get it, it sounds like a good thing."

Evan sight in exasperation." It's nothing. Forget it."

That was good enough, he didn't really care to hear Evan's usual protests, Barty's excited banter was much more pleasing. 

Evan didn't speak much after that, which was also appreciated. 

That evening when he told his mother she smiled - 'I knew that you would make me proud' - he hadn't seen her smile in a long, long time, especially not at him. 

Dinner was a little less grimm than usual, he has not scolded even once. 

After he left she had become more rigid, to make sure that Regulus wouldn't also shame them, but he didn't and he wouldn't - he was better.

Father nodded and kept eating, he had always been his favourite for some reason that Regulus would never understand but it didn't matter. He was gone.

The burned hole in the tapestry was a warning. At some point in time it had also been a reason for grief but he was over that, he wasn't a teary eyed little boy  anymore.

And the next day everybody would see that.

Chapter Text

The robes made him look more like a shadow than a person, his frame engulfed by the black fabric.

He had wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

At fifteen, it had been his first time wearing them, they didn't feel right and felt perfect at the same time.

Excitement and nerves mixed in a dangerous cocktail. It felt like being on the edge of an abyss, getting ready to jump on the belief that something would catch him at the bottom.

"Are you nervous?" His mother's voice broke the silence of the room.

"Of course not," he answered quickly, weakness wasn't allowed.

Kreacher fussed over the robes so that not even an inch was wrinkled, it felt like a futile effort. No one would care if the robes were wrinkled once they got covered in blood.

He had waited years for that night, the night that the snake would find its place on his arm.

The moment he would get the opportunity to become something more.

His mother's nails dug into his shoulders as he looked at himself in the mirror, " Our family is on the line," her grip was starting to hurt but he kept quiet," that traitor made us look like a joke and your father is doing nothing to fix it."

"I will fix it."

He still hadn't felt as confident as he wanted but he was good at pretending, he could put on a better show than most actors.

"You will."  

Even two years later, he could still feel her nails in his flesh and the weight of his promise dragging him down, deeper every day.

Most people were already in the dining hall even if the meeting would only start in ten minutes. Suck-ups.

He moved through the sea of black robes and expressionless metal faces until finding a small corner where he could blend in.

It was impossible to know who was who with the silver masks but he could make some guesses. 

Barty was in the right corner, denounced for the constant movements of someone who never learned to stand still.

Rasbatan, in the middle of the left row, was simply the tallest person in the room and that Regulus had ever met, it wasn't hard to identify that tower.

And finally, Bellatrix didn't even bother to wear a mask, her smirk and dark curls were on full display for everyone to see as she stood right besides The Dark Lord.

The large wooden table had been removed, the only furniture left was an oak armchair where their lord seated like a king on a throne. 

Nagini slithered too close to his feet for comfort, the words about the surprise playing over and over again in his head.

" I have good news," the Dark Lord spoke up and everyone went quiet. "The first one is that we received important information from inside the ministry and our influence is stronger than ever."

They cheered at that and Regulus pretended that they were clapping at him, he was the one that threatened that minister after all.

The rest of the good news was all things that he already knew so he zoned out. 

After half an hour of nothing happening he wondered if his lord had been making fun of him when spoke about the surprise

After one hour he was sure that it had been some cruel joke, a joke that would be very painful to explain to his mother.

Hey mom, you know how I told you that I was doing fine and restoring the honor of the family? It turns out it was all a joke and I'm as useless as ever. Funny, right? Please don't disown me.

He felt like he was back at Hogwarts and had just been pranked by that gang of idiots again.

" Now before we end this meeting I have one last thing to say." If it was something like patrol schedules Regulus would absolutely lose it." Yesterday we managed to overpower several members of the self-titled 'Order of the Phoenix'."

People snickered and he perked up, so Evan had been right, it had something to do with a prisoner. 

" Most of them were killed but we captured some. Like our friend here."

A figure was dragged into the room.

Hands bound behind their back and chained ankles. They kept trying to stand up but the two people dragging them by the elbows would just kick them back to their knees every time.

Regulus couldn't tell who it was, they had a burlap bag covering the head and the tattered and bloody clothes also weren't helpful. The only thing that he could say for sure is that the person had received a severe beating judging by the bruising on the arms and legs, that could be seen through the tears in the clothes.

They were emitting some muffled noises that made him suspect that they were also gagged.

"Let this be an example of what happens to those that turn against their own," The Dark Lord said as the figure kept trying to fight and got shoved down again and again and again, "Regulus."

His body was on autopilot as he took a step forward to stand in the middle of the room. He ignored the prisoner on the ground and all the eyes on him as he looked at his lord and Bellatrix, that was giving him an encouraging, if not a little deranged, smile.

"Don't be shy, take off that mask." Without the metal over his face he felt like he could breathe better." And while you are at it, show us our friend's face too."

When he took off the bag from the prisoner's head he was out of breath again.

Silver eyes burned into him, well, one did, the other was too swollen with a black eye to be visible.

"I believe that you two know each other," The Dark Lord spoke and people laughed, Regulus couldn't see the humor.

That couldn't be real. Sirius wouldn't get captured.

Breathe in, breathe out.

"Unfortunately," he managed to reply and more laughter was heard.

He didn't know what would be worse: looking at his lord and Bellatrix, risking them noticing his sudden pallor, or keeping his gaze on Sirius' furious eyes and imagining the curses he was spitting under the gag.

Bellatrix for once seemed like the lesser evil.

"Go on, have fun," his lord said.

"What?"

It was a stupid question, he understood that it had been a stupid question the second the word left his mouth but he couldn't take it back.

"I imagine that, after all he did, you must have some…unfinished business." He had way more than that. " So I wanted to give you the honor of making him bleed."

Bellatrix nodded and he turned to Sirius again. 

All eyes were on him, waiting for him to do something. Either maim the prisoner or chicken out and run. 

Probably hoping that he would choose the second, it was more satisfactory seeing people fall than triumph.

The figure that he knew was Barty went very still.

His heart was beating too fast, not even in his first kill it had been so loud. 

He raised his wand.

Sirius' eyes were almost challenging, like he expected him to not be able to do it.

Focus, he needed to focus.

The ceiling creaked.

People started to whisper.

He closed his eyes and remembered - Being nine and waiting desperately for a letter that he would never receive, being eleven looking in the eyes of his replacement and knowing that he had lost, thirteen years old with all the great hall laughing at him because of a vindictive prank, fourteen and waking up to his mother's screams and the weight of the world suddenly on his shoulders.

Alone. Sad. Scared. Angry .

The silver eyes looked at him but that time he was able to return the look with the same amount of hatred.

"Crucio."

Bile burned his throat as he threw up in Evan's chinese vase. He would need to apologize later.

The screams wouldn't leave his head as he emptied his stomach. It had only lasted ten minutes maximum, until they dragged a half-conscious Sirius back to the basement, but it had felt like ten years.

He wasn't sure where exactly he was in the Rosier manor, he had just ran without destination, worst case scenario Evan would find him in the morning sleeping on some corner.

He let his forehead rest against the cold pottery, it was a cold day but even so he felt like he was burning, maybe he had a fever.

At the moment everything had looked so surreal. Sirius wouldn't get captured, he was too strong for that, too invincible. The beaten up men on the ground had his face but couldn't have been him.

Maybe that was just the remains of his younger self speaking.

Because that had been Sirius, and Regulus had used crucio on him. 

He hadn't even reasoned with himself before doing it. Looking in his ex-brothers face had brought back so many painful memories and emotions.

You can't just say the words, you need to want them to work , Bellatrix had told him when he learned the unforgivable curses.

He had wanted to hurt him. To hear him scream. To make him bleed. To see the challenge disappear from his eyes, replaced by agony and horror.

Another wave of nausea hit him.

"Is little Reggie feeling sick?" Bellatrix's voice mocked.

He turned on his heels, in the next second he had her pinned against the wall and the black tip of his dagger against her neck.

"It was your idea, you fucking bitch!" 

She didn't seem slightly nervous or even angry by the blade on her throat, instead she looked delighted.

"Oh, Reggie, look at you all grown up," she laughed," as if I would miss the chance to kill that blood traitor myself."

The blade had basilisk venom, she knew that, one small cut and it would be over for her, still she was unfazed, it made him want to plunge the dagger into her windpipe.

" It was a test," he stated, that was obvious from the moment when they made him take off the mask, they had wanted to see his reaction," disappointed that I didn't get scared and ran away?"

She shook her head, brushing the skin against the blade and almost making a cut.

The smell of vomit was making him feel sick again. He just wanted to go home, lay in his bed and ask Kreacher for a cup of hot chocolate.

"Of course not, my little baby cousin is finally making the family proud," coming from anyone else the words would have sounded affectionate, not from her thought, " I had my doubts but our lord was convinced that you would manage."

Screams echoed again, it took him some moments to understand that they weren't just on his head. They must have been closer to the basement than he thought. 

A shiver went down his spine and his grip on the dagger weakened slightly.

That was all Bellatrix needed, one movement and she had twisted his wrist and was forcing his hand against his own neck. One pull and his back was the one against the wall.

He tried to wrestle her but her muscles were made of iron.

She pressed the blade against his neck stronger than he had done to her, until it became hard to know if she was really trying to kill him or not.

"Just the sound of his screams can make you falter like this," she mused," but our lord was pleased with your performance at the meeting so maybe there is still hope for you, little Reggie."

She released him from her grip. 

"Do you know why you were being tested?" 

" Because it was fun to watch?"

Her smile was predatory, a viper preparing to devour the prey whole, "because you are about to be offered a place in the inner circle."

The screaming sounded lower after that.

She offered him the dagger back and he took it without hesitation. His heart was still accelerated. Fever, nausea and a pounding heart, he was definitely sick.

A place in the inner circle was what everyone desired. The highest honor. 

He would finally be able to sit besides Bellatrix, and Lucius but he was there more because of all his monetary donations than anything, as an equal. 

Nobody would think of him as a cheap replacement ever again.

It was all he wanted.

He would do anything.

And of course Bellatrix knew that.

"So, if you want that to happen, this is what you will do." She took a step forward, getting too close to comfort. "You will force the traitor to tell you all the information that he knows. Show everyone that you are not like him."

He didn't dare to breathe as she tilted his chin up.

"And when you are done," she smiled," you will send that dog to its grave."

Chapter Text

It was a surprise that his mother was unamused with her oldest son being held captive. Regulus had half-expected her to throw a party.

For all her harsh words about Sirius getting what he deserved and bringing that fate onto himself, he couldn't help but notice the way she bit the inside of her cheek every time he was mentioned. 

Orion was less subtle in his displeasure.

"Have you seen him again?" His father asked, a ticking time bomb about to explode.

"Not yet," Regulus answered as he played with his lunch, trying to look uninterested, "I'm going this afternoon."

Three days had passed since the meeting, three long days.

His stomach turned around with the idea of what would happen in the afternoon. If his mother wasn't watching him like a hawk he would tell Kreacher to take the food back, he was in no state to eat.

His father frowned, nodded and tapped his fingers on the table.

A fight was about to start, he had a second sense when it came to predicting arguments. His mother's posture was so tense that she looked like she would snap at any moment. His father was a bundle of rage just waiting for an excuse to let go.

The question wasn't if there would be a fight but instead which one would start it.

Orion ended up being the culprit.

"This is a disgrace!" He suddenly hitted his fist on the table.

"Orion," his mother admonished but Regulus could see that she was also ready to start screaming.

"Do you want me to say that it isn't?!" His father exclaimed again," my son, my heir, my own flesh and blood, executed like some mudblood. Do you think it's fine?"

"Of course I don't!" His mother finally snapped and screamed back, violently throwing cutlery onto the plate," but what do you want me to do? He is not your heir anymore. He is not our son."

"The hell he isn't!"

That was Regulus' cue to leave. The trick was to wait for them to be too deep in the fight to not notice him leaving, but not wait long enough for them to become physical.

Silent as a ghost he moved upstairs to his room but even from there he could still hear them.

"This is your fault, woman! If you had raised him right he would have never left."

"At least I raised him! Where were you?!"

It was the same old spiel that he had been hearing for eight years, now revived by the reappearance of Sirius. He knew it wasn't fair but Regulus couldn't help but blame him for getting himself captured and bringing the constant yelling back.

He had been woken up at six in the morning by the screams and wouldn't be able to fall asleep at night because of them. 

The sound of something hitting the floor echoed through the house. 

Regulus grabbed his jacket and left through the front door, as silently as he could, but it wouldn't have made a difference if he had left singing and dancing, only Kreacher would have noticed.

He didn't want to take the floo network to the Rosier manor, instead he walked the longest route he knew by foot. It took him a whole hour to arrive but at least it gave him time to clear his head.

In the last three days he had sat in his room, hearing his parents scream and thinking about what to do. There was only one answer.

If he refused to do what Bellatrix asked/ordered him the punishment could range from not making it into the inner circle and a slap on the wrist to her beheading him and letting the crows feast on his eyes - He didn't want to find out which guess was right.

He should have been prepared for the eventuality of something like that happening, instead of just assuming that he would never see Sirius again, like an idiot, as if they weren't fighting on opposite sides of a war.

But he didn't, so his best shot was to do what he did best, snatch the information out of Sirius, and then pray that the same rage that he felt at the meeting would come back and help him finish the job.

He didn't want to think of the meeting, the sick feeling would creep back, he should see a healer.

One step at a time. There was no point of worrying about what would happen next, he needed to focus on the present.

The place in the inner circle was his chance, the thing he had been dreaming of for years. He wouldn't let Sirius ruin everything for him, again.

"You arrived early," Evan greeted him at the door.

"I didn't know there was a set time for torture." He put his coat in the cloakroom, and then frowned as he saw Barty approach them from the living room," what are you doing here?"

"Lovely to see you too," Barty grinned, "I decided to join my good friend Evan, for lunch."

Regulus raised an eyebrow at Evan who shrugged," I tried to make him leave, but he is like a leech."

The manor lacked the usual buzz of movement that the Dark Lord brought with him, it was good, he tried to pick a day when few people would be around

"I love it when you two lie to my face," he started to walk to the basement, the faster he got that over with the better," So me coming to see Sirius today has nothing to do with anything?"

"Didn't even remember that," Barty replied without shame, while Evan sent him an apologetic smile that lacked any real remorse.

They followed him as he walked down the stone steps, of course they did. It wasn't like he wanted them to go away, but he also didn't want them to be with him. His emotions have been very confusing lately.

He had expected the basement to be an old disused cellar, instead it looked like something out of a horror book. He didn't bother to ask Evan why in hell his family had a row of cells under their house, it would just end in a sinister story about how in mediaeval times the Rosiers used to kidnap muggles for blood rituals, or something like that.

"It's this one" Evan pointed to a metal door exactly like the other twenty.

Regulus took the key that Bellatrix had given him from his pocket, it fit the lock perfectly.

The first thing that hit him when he entered the cell was the lack of light, even with the door opened it was pitch black. 

The second was the smell of piss and blood and other things that he did not want to know about.

He casted a quick Lumos and was finally able to have a good look inside the cell, but there wasn't much to see; stone walls, smaller than a closet, a drain on the floor. 

Sirius sat in a corner of the cell, his ankle chained to the floor, he blinked once and then twice as his eyes adjusted to the sudden light.

He looked even more dishevelled than last time Regulus saw him, though the lack of gag was an improvement.

"You…" Sirius spat as his eyes finally adjusted to the light," you disgusting, pathetic, coward, miserable, son of a bitch-"

He kept growling insults, but Regulus stopped listening, he had heard worse.

Maybe the lack of gag wasn't an improvement. 

"Shut it!" Barty hissed as he kicked Sirius in the ribs, with much more force than necessary. 

Evan poked Regulus back with his elbow, as if telling him that it was his cue.

His mouth felt like parchment. It was his cue, but he had forgotten all his lines and was just facing the public, lost for words.

"What are the Order's plans?" He blurted out and then cringed, he shouldn't be asking, he should be demanding," tell us everything," he corrected.

Sirius laughed, an ugly, distorted thing so different from his laugh back at Hogwarts. He looked at Regulus like he was seeing him for the first time, and hatting what he saw.

It sent shivers down Regulus' spine.

"Or what?" His face twisted with disgust," are you going to crucio me again?"

Regulus almost flinched, then his face changed into a grimace of anger. Sirius should be the one flinching, not him, he had the power, he was in control. He needed to remember that.

He should crucio him again, the only problem was that he didn't think that he would be able to, even if he was angry and annoyed, the same burning rage that he had felt at the meeting just wasn't there anymore.

" I wouldn't be joking if I were you," Evan commented, giving Regulus some moments to fix his thoughts.

" I wasn't talking to you, Rosier." Sirius turned his burning gaze back to Regulus after giving Evan a nasty look.

Regulus raised his wand and, despite his defiant expression, some fear entered Sirius' eyes, he knew, or at least he thought, that Regulus wasn't afraid of cursing him.

"It doesn't have to be like this," Regulus tried to bargain, making sure to keep his voice smug so none of them would see the way his hand was shaking slightly.

"Sure, if I speak you will just let me go," Sirius mocked," maybe you will also give me a hug on the way out."

Regulus gritted his teeth. Of course Sirius would never do things the easy way, it was the same thing at home, and he would never change, even in a life or death situation.

He casted a simple curse, nothing close to all the horrifying things that Bellatrix had teached him but he couldn't think of anything better.

Sirius' eyes twitched a bit as he started to feel the ache in his stomach, like millions of tiny needles inside, but despite that he had no reaction.

"That's the best you have got?"

It was. 

He tried at least fifteen more curses before giving up, none of them even made Sirius flinch. Barty and Evan kept suggesting new spells, but he felt his arm freeze and a height on his stomach that stopped him every time he was about to cast a reality painful one.

The closest that they got was when Evan got fed up with Sirius comments and punched him square in the face, even so Sirius tried, and almost managed, to bite his finger off.

"You are gonna regret this." Sirius' voice felt like nails scraping on a chalkboard.

The control was slipping from his finger like sand, suddenly Evan and Barty's presence wasn't reasuring but just more witnesses to see him fail.

"And you are going to die here." The words had a sinister finality." Do you think your friends will be proud to know that you died in agony for them?"

His eyes meet Regulus with a seriousness not characteristic to them.

"Yes."

The answer was so simple, short and decisive that it hit him like a ton of bricks and took him some long moments to process that single word.

It couldn't be true, Regulus for sure couldn't picture himself dying for anyone, laying his own life just to spare others.

Even if those 'others' were his friends he wouldn't resort to self sacrifice, the way that Barty and Evan were both frowning led him to believe that they were thinking the same. 

With one movement he put away the wand and grabbed the dagger. He could kill him with any of them, but the dagger looked more intimidating.

The blade met Sirius's left cheek, Regulus pressed the cold steel, mimicking the way he had seen Bellatrix play with her prey before.

"If you really don't want to talk then there is no use in keeping you alive," he kept his voice cold and deliberated," I waited a long time for this."

It was all bluff, but none of them was aware of it. Sirius's eyes went from the dagger to him then to the dagger again. Evan and Barty looked at each other, silently debating if they would need to stop him from killing the person they were supposed to be interrogating.

"Regulu- '' Sirius started but whatever words he was going to say died in his throat, as the tip of the blade played around his cheek. 

"Tell me the Order's plans," he repeated.

Sirius didn't speak and Regulus wondered if he had made a mistake. Was Sirius really willing to die for his friends? Then that made him even more of an idiot, no way that they would make the same sacrifice for him.

As the moments passed and Sirius still didn't speak, Regulus realised that he really had made a mistake. 

If he backed out then Sirius would know that he couldn't bring himself to kill him, all threats would be empty ones, but he truly couldn't do it, for many reasons - so he could only wait, with the knife in place, for something to happen.

He had put himself between a rock and a hard place.

Like a saving grace, Barty kneeled beside him and whispered in his ear,"Calm down, we can't kill him, yet."

That was the break he needed, putting on a reluctant expression, he got up and put the dagger back in the scabbard.

Sirius seemed like he wasn't even breathing.

"I will come back in a few days," he said, pretending that the only reason that he hadn't killed him was because of Barty and nothing more, " maybe some days without food will make you more talkative."

That had been Bellatrix's idea, Regulus had no word on if Sirius would get fed or not, but again, he had no way to know that.

As they left the cell he prayed that Sirius would do the smart thing next time and tell him everything, but he knew that he wouldn't. Just like Regulus wouldn't be able to kill him when the time came.

He needed to think of a solution quickly to get himself out of that self made mess.

Sirius thought that Regulus was able to kill him without remorse, that was good until next time they saw each other and he found out that Regulus wasn't even able to crucio him. Then any splinter of fear would be replaced with complete defiance, and he would never get the information that he so desperately needed.

"Can I sleep here?" He ended up asking Evan as they left the basement.

His friend seemed caught by surprise but he shrugged, "Sure, I guess." 

The only thing that he was sure of was that he wouldn't go back home and face his parents until he got some results.

"Shouldn't we speak about what happened down there?" Barty frowned," you aren't supposed to kill him until we get what we want."

"I got carried away, won't happen again." 

Letting them believe the lie was an easier and safer option, he didn't need them thinking that he had gone soft.

Chapter Text

The three of them sat in Evans' living room. Almost two days had passed since the questioning, but they hadn't gone to the basement again. 

Regulus' patience was decreasing extremely quickly.

He had been sleeping in a guest room in the Rosier manor in the meantime, even if the room was always cold, he slept better there than he ever did in Grimmauld Place. His parents didn't seem to mind his absence, if he mentioned that it was in service of The Dark Lord he had permission to do anything he wanted.

"You need to find a better method," Barty said for the hundredth time," he won't speak easily."

He was right, they couldn't go back without a plan, just hoping that everything would turn out alright but it was still frustrating to hear.

"Suggestions?"  

"Maybe trying to trick him," Barty shrugged," something like this," he slipped from the chair to the floor so he was kneeling in front of Regulus," Oh, Sirius, please, I need some information, The Dark Lord is going to kill me if you don't speak, please, I'm so scared."

That was smart… and manipulative as hell, he was not a stranger to manipulation but that specific kind of theater was something exclusive to Barty, playing with emotions. 

It wasn't an awful idea but he didn't think that he would be able to believably lie like that to Sirius, he would see through his facade in an instant.

"After having a knife on his face last time he will really believe that," Evan chimed in, looking down at Barty on the floor," what we need to do is hit him in the mouth until he speaks, simple and effective."

Simple, effective and useless . After all the beatings that Sirius received from their mother through the years, he was too used to pain for them to rip information out of him with their fists.

They learned that last time.

"None of that will work," Regulus stopped them before they went into a full force argument," he said it himself, he would rather die than betray his…cause"

His friends, his new family, his real brother.  

The situation seemed hopeless. There was no way they would be able to make Sirius talk- and, if they found one, Regulus was not sure if he would be able to go through with it.

For all his bravado last time he was completely lost. If the plan was going and making empty threats and waving his wand vaguely in the air he would rather stay quiet.

"I did warned you," Evan started," the whole 'reward for your good work thing' was ominous as fuck."

"Yes, Evan, you are an enlightened being," Regular hissed," could it be that in your infinite wisdom you can find a way to solve this?"

Evan didn't reply.

They had been in that back and forth numerous times but never getting anywhere. It was just impossible forcing Sirius to do something that he didn't want to do, especially if that involved his friends.

"We could capture someone he cares about and use that as leverage," Barty suggested.

That sounded good actually, even if Sirius didn't care about his own life he was fiercely loyal, he wouldn't let one of his friends suffer

"Who?" Evan asked, thinking the same.

After throwing some names around they came to the same conclusion again: all of Sirius' friends were in the Order and too hard to capture for it to be worth it.

"What about McDonald?" Evan said,"She seems the most harmless."

"If you want to lose an arm, be my guest," Barty replied,"Pettigrew is a safer option."

"Would be if he wasn't always around Potter," Regulus objected," the problem is that they are never alone, if we attack one we attack all."

If he remembers correctly, Sirius's crew had a serious problem of codependency in school, and nothing indicated that they had been cured.

After one hour of useless scheming he felt like banging his head on the wall.

He shouldn't even need to do all that to enter the inner circle, he worked hard enough, more than many people that were there. All that effort throwed away because of an impossible task that not even Bellatrix would be able to perform.

He stood up and started passing around the room, running his hand through his hair, desperately trying to find a way, an angle that hadn't yet been explored. Threats of pain or death won't work, he can't get bait, Veritaserum is too rare to find, Imperio didn't work like that, Sirius hates his guts too much to be reasoned with. Shit.

"Mate, calm down," Barty said, stupidly.

" Calm down?" He repeated," that's easy for you to say, you are not the ones with your head on the line."

As much as he didn't want to admit, seeing Sirius destabilized him. 

It felt like his past and his present collided in an unpleasant way. A reminder that, as much as he tries to forget, he was once a stupid weak kid, and people remember that. The child that he was haunted by, in more than one way.

Because what other reason would the Dark Lord have to assign him the task, if not to test if he had been purged from his past care for his brother? He wasn't trusted.

"But we are still trying to help," Evan retaliated.

"Yeah, so you can get favors when I enter the inner circle."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized that he should have shut up. It wasn't anything that he hadn't thought before - their friendship was born out of necessity and stayed for the same reason, even if they had learned to mostly enjoy each other's company - but still it wasn't a good idea to say it out loud.

"Oh, please. Don't act like a victim, you are the one pulling the strings where," Evan seemed almost mad," you see us as your henchmen."

That wasn't true, most of the time, just sometimes. 

He still had to fix the whole mess with Sirius; the last thing that he needed at the moment was his only friendships collapsing because of a thoughtless comment.

"Fine, let's just…go back to planning." He sat back down and looked at anything but Evans' eyes.

Barty hit him with a sofa cushion, he had become scarily comfortable with assaulting Regulus with pillows.

"That's for being an ass," he said, but didn't really seem bothered, then turned to Evan, who still looked sullen," Come on, Rosier, cheer up. What were you expecting? An apology? You know Reggie doesn't do those." 

There wasn't much planning done in the rest of the afternoon, but at least there wasn't more arguing either. All of them pushed any resentments deep down and decided to try to ignore them.

He looked at his watch and saw that it was already 6 pm.

His mother had sent Kreacher to tell him that she wanted him home during the evening, he didn't know why and Kreacher didn't clarify. 

Probably to report on his progress with Sirius and he would be forced to tell her that there was no progress. It would be a fun conversation.

"Gotta go," he said as he got up from the sofa and grabbed his wand," mother wants me home today."

"Are you still sleeping here tonight?" Evan asked, probably hoping that the answer would be 'no'.

"You won't get rid of me so easily."

It sounded almost like a threat.

Barty also needed to go, for his father to not get suspicious about where he was spending so much time, so they walked together for Regulus to get his cloak before apparating. He would need to look his best to deliver the bad news.

"He wants your head on a pike," Barty snorted when they got far enough for Evan to not hear them.

"It was just one stupid comment."

And people still said that the Blacks were dramatic, compared to how Evan was acting, they were the most down to earth people possible.

"One stupid comment? No, my friend." He put his arm over Regulus' shoulder." He has been harboring that since second year."

Regulus couldn't even try to deny it. But what else could be expected from a friendship that started from him forcing Evan to do his history homework in exchange of protection from the other kids mocking him because of the Rosiers' lack of money? 

Regulus is very aware that without his family's money and influence he wouldn't have found any friends at Hogwarts, the thought only bothers him slightly.

"And you don't?"

"Nha. You are a jerk to me, I'm a jerk to you. You make sure that none of these guys tries to get revenge on me for my father and I do your bidding, seems fair to me." 

The way that he put it made things sound so easy. If only Evan wasn't too headstrong and thought the same.

"Is that so? Then go check on that minister I threatened, give him a good scare to make sure that he keeps his part of the deal." They reached the guest's room and he put on his dark blue cloak.

"At your orders, captain." 

He gave a naval salute and disappeared with a snap and a small gush of wind. 

It was a good enough answer, at least not both of his friends not so secretly resented him. 

Problem solved temporarily and he could focus on more important things.

With a flick of the wand he apparated. 

Some people felt sick with the feeling of being compressed and uncompressed as they traveled from one place to another, but he always found it amusing.

As he stepped into Grimmauld Place a voice in the back of his head told him that there was something wrong. There wasn't a real reason for that, it was just a feeling, but a feeling that he had learned to trust.

He kept his wand in one hand and the dagger in the other as he walked.

At first glance nothing seemed wrong, but then he heard a voice coming from the living room.

Slowly he walked, debating whether to call Kreacher or not, but deciding against it in the end. He didn't want to call the elf in case it was a false alarm.

It turns out his choice was right as there was no auror or order member in the living room, instead it was just Narcissa, pouring herself a cup of tea.

"Hello," he frowned as he looked at her in confusion," Where is my mother?"

"Aunt Walburga is shopping, gave me a key in case of emergency," she shrugged as she generously poured sugar into her cup," I have something for you."

"You were the one that sent Kreacher," 

He was more annoyed than concerned by the deceit.

Kreacher being able to just lie to him like that was much more surprising than Narcissa resorting to that kind of trick. He would need to have a serious talk with the house elf later.

She nodded as she made a small motion with her finger for him to approach, when he did she put a small vial in his hand.

It was only the size of his thumb, filled with a transparent liquid. No label or tag, or anything that gave the slightest indication as to what the liquid was. It might have been just water, for all he knew.

"Veritaserum," she answered to his questioning look.

Suddenly the liquid became way more interesting. Veritaserum was a rarity in wartime, the ministry guarded its reserves meticulously, just as their lord did.

Even a vial so small would have cost a fortune.

"You are not supposed to have this," she spoke again, looking him dead in the eyes so he understood the weight of her words," you are being tested, our lord wants you to be able to get the information through brute force. Show that you are ruthless."

"You don't think that I will be able to." It was not a question, it was an affirmation, a painful one.

"This has nothing to do with your pride." The fact that she didn't deny told him everything that he needed to know. " It's a way to get the job done, like any other."

Even if it did hurt his pride he had to agree - with everything - he had spent the whole morning brainstorming with Barty and Evan ways to get Sirius to talk and couldn't get anywhere. The Veritaserum was his best shot.

And it wouldn't be painful, the childish part of him whispered, there would be no blood or screams.

"Remember this in the future," she warned," you have been extremely unfair to me and my husband but I'm still helping you."

Of course she couldn't resist mentioning that again, it would be a downside of accepting the help - being in her and Lucius' debt.

"It's not my fault that our lord prefers me over him," he retorted.

Warever Lucius had told her, he for sure had made it sound ten times worse than reality. That man has an amazing talent to blow things out of proportion, a mean comment immediately became a death threat with him. At least that was something that he and his wife had in common.

Narcissa's lips formed a thin line and when she spoke again it was without the usual sweetness she used with him.

 "You are an ungrateful child," she scolded him," Lucius was the reason you were allowed to join when you did. Everyone thought that you were too young. If he hadn't spoken on your behalf you would have had to wait years, wouldn't be near as influential as you are now. And that's how you thank him?" 

He lowered his head, frowning.

Only two people were able to make him feel ashamed, his mother and Narcissa. They both had that power to make people feel small.

Next to them he wasn't a dangerous Death Eater or the Black's heir, but just a kid who needed to have someone telling him what to do.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled begrudgingly, just to please her.

At least her face became sweet again, as she ran a hand through his hair.

"It 's okay. I'm sure everything has been very stressful lately," she smiled, like she did everytime that she got what she wanted," but you can't go around making an enemy out of everyone - especially your family."

He nodded and tried to not make eye contact with her. It was stupid, actually. He was able to look at The Dark Lord in his bloody eyes but not his cousin after she had scolded him.

"Will you be nicer to Lucius?" 

"I will," he lied.

Her definition of nicer probably involved allowing him to get involved in the family finances, that was something only a fool would accept.

But it did not matter, they were just words. He could promise to buy Lucius a ship made of gold or even more albino peacocks, it was not like he would be forced to keep the promise.

She stood up, looking satisfied, and lowered the emptied tea cup. " I couldn't find a bigger dose with all the wartime restrictions, but it must still grant you enough time to get the answers you need." The skirt of her dress swirled as she walked to the door. 

"Don't tell anyone about this, even those little friends of yours. I don't need to tell you what will happen if someone finds out." With that last warning she left.

The vial of Veritaserum fidgeted in his hand - it looked like a blessing and an insult at the same time.

If anyone found out they would run to tell The Dark Lord, tell any small bit of information in hopes of some splinter of power, like stray dogs begging for scraps.

 He would probably not be killed for using the Veritaserum, no one told him directly not to when he was tasked with the interrogation. But now he knew that The Dark Lord didn't want him to use it, and he would know that he knew if the scheme was discovered.

The consequences would hurt.

Someone more careful would probably turn down the help, keep trying approved methods - but no one got anywhere without taking some risks.

Chapter Text

His fingers skimmed the pages of the potions book. He would rather not leave anything to chance so, after Narcissa left, he went to the family library to find out exactly how much time the small vial would give him.

According to the book and eye measurements, he would have between ten and fifteen minutes of compulsive truth. Not much but if he asked the right questions then it would be enough.

The time also depended on the purity of the liquid, whether it was very or little concentrated, the person's natural resistance to the potion, and even if it would be ingested on its own or mixed with something. He should have paid more attention to Slughorn's lessons.

He was no potions master but with the hours of work he believed that, more or less, his estimates should be correct, hopefully.

He had informed his parents that he was home, then locked himself in the library before they could ask questions. They were both asleep and he would rather leave before they woke up.

It was already dark when he finished but he finally had a plan - he would get the information, then fake Sirius death; give him a tranquillising potion strong enough to imitate death, make some cuts on him with a normal knife, say that it was with the one full basilisk venom, grab the body under some excuse and send him to the other side of the globe so he wouldn't come back and ruin the lie.

Bellatrix might get upset that he 'killed Sirius' without her witnessing but as long as they saw the 'corpse' it should be ok.

The hardest part would be keeping Sirius away from England, but he would find a way.

The Veritaserum was safe in his pocket as he walked down the stairs, already making a mental list of people he could politely ask to make said tranquillising potion.

"I thought that you would sleep home tonight." 

"Mother." he jumped with the sudden voice." I…I can't, I have to deal with some things in the morning."

She didn't answer, actually she didn't even look at him. She was sitting in the living room, in the same armchair that Narcissa had been, in her nightgown, staring at the darkness.

Regulus wasn't sure if she had woken up in the middle of the night or not slept at all. He took a deep breath before walking to her, casting Lumus with his wand as she hadn't even bothered to light a candle.

He didn't speak as he sat on the opposite couch, as far away from her as possible, she looked disturbed, that meant that there was a high possibility that she would curse him.

Sometimes his mother reminded him of Pandora's box, but the box was made of a glass so fragile that he had to handle it with extreme caution, or it would break and send all the evils in the world upon him.

"You have to kill him," she finally said," as fast as you can."

He widened his eyes as she clenched her hands into fists, so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"I love you both so much, you know that, I only wanted the best for my sons," she gritted her teeth," when he started misbehaving I tried to put him back on the right path, I did everything I could but he was set in ruining himself and dragging everyone with him.

I shouldn't have let him spend time with Alphard, rest his soul, he was the one that put all those ideas in his head and then that awful school full of mudbloods just made everything worse."

Regulus let her ramble, since he was kid she always had those talks with him, not only about Sirius but about any problem in her life - she didn't want advice, only for someone to listen.

He remembers listening with wide eyes to her telling him all the things that other adults always said weren't appropriate for children. The emotion of her trusting him not to tell anyone the things she confessed to him. 

Then it stopped being fun when he started understanding the actual seriousness of the things she told him.

He only hoped that she wouldn't start crying. Her crying was almost as bad as her screaming.

"This is your father's fault." 

She didn't elaborate as if Orion's blame for the family misfortunes was something so obvious that didn't need explanation.

"Why do you want me to kill him?" He finally asked after some moments of silence 

She loved Sirius, even if he insisted on being an ass and didn't see that, any bruise or scar she ever gave them was for their own good. Of course she would want to punish Sirius, it was deserved, but it was very clear until recently that she didn't want him dead.

Regulus could relate to that, not the punishing part though, after the explosion of rage the first time he saw Sirius he lost the fire. Any vengeful desires were temporarily mitigated by forces unknown to him.

"Why not?" She looked at the burned hole in the family tapestry." It's too late for him. It's for the best, the best for our family. And it will be fast, you will make it fast, you won't let him suffer too much."

A shiver ran down his spine. The words got stuck in his throat. 

He wanted to assure her that he wasn't planning on really killing Sirius, but that was the kind of secret that he would need to take to the grave.

Her hand cupped his cheek, she looked at him so lovingly that, for a moment, he let himself forget the bleak circumstances and appreciate the touch.

"My sweet angel," she whispered," you would never make me suffer like he did."

He let the touch go on for some more seconds, the rarity of moments of affection only made them more special. Until he stood up and gently holded her arm to prompt her to do the same.

"Let's go back to bed," he spoke in a low voice, in fear of waking up his father. He never approved his mother talking to him like that, according to him she was ' turning the kid against him'

She nodded and started to follow him upstairs, "so you are sleeping home?"

"My commitments can wait."

For sure none of his imaginary commitments would suffer from a night sleeping at home.

He went back to his room and changed into his pyjamas, maybe it was for the best. He wouldn't have had much work done at midnight, anyways. Like that he could plan a bit more.

He had and would have even more chances to inflict revenge on Sirius, but he didn't want to. It didn't feel good. He only wanted Sirius gone, far away from him so he wouldn't have to think about him or ever see him again. 

No one had ever hurt him like he did when he ignored his letters, or went around Hogwarts talking about his 'real brother'. Bellatrix was wrong, hurting him didn't feel cathartic, it only forced him to confront that embarrassing open wound that should have closed long ago.

At seven he was up and rushing down the stairs, to leave before his parents woke up.

In his worry he didn't even remember to scold Kreacher for lying to him, he only thought of making sure that the Veritaserum was safe and apparate away.

There were already some people at the Rosier mansion, nobody that he bothered to greet though. 

To be fair he didn't bother to greet most people but they also didn't bother to greet him so he didn't feel bad.

Evan and Barty couldn't be with him when he gave the potion to Sirius. He would like to think that none of them would snitch on him, but better safe than sorry.

He could just go see Sirius without saying anything or tell them that he didn't want them around that time. The first was more attractive, but he didn't want to take the risk of someone telling them that he went to the basement and they showing up there anyways. 

Evan didn't open his bedroom door when he knocked, the damn man had to be an early riser. 

At least he was in the third place that he looked for him in, the second being the living room.

As he approached the small music room he could hear not only Evan's voice but also Barty's. It was his lucky day, he could make sure that none of them would disrupt his plans. 

"-at. I'm just saying that sometimes you need to watch your mouth to not piss him off," Barty's voice sounded, making him stop on his track in front of the door.

He stopped in front of the door. Maybe the conversation was worth listening to.

"I was just…expressing my opinions."

"Do you express your opinions with the Dark Lord?"

"He isn't the Dark Lord."

"I see some similarities." 

"But he isn't and I don't like being bossed around."

At that point the idiots should have learned to always cast muffliato on the door, they weren't even trying to speak quietly.

The conversation made his skin itch, he wanted to walk away so he would be able to live in denial but his curiosity won, even if he knew he wouldn't find anything new or usefull and listening to this specific conversation was basically masochism.

"He has been bossing us around for five years, what changed?"

"First, I never liked being his minion. Second, we are older now, we aren't kids anymore." A pause."We like each other, why can't we act like normal friends without this fucking power dinamic?"

"I mean…he is still the one pouring money into the Rosier's safes so you can keep this mansion, so he does have a reason to have power over you."

"He doesn't need to be an idiot about it."

" He needs to be an idiot about everything, it's in his blood," Barty laughed.

Regulus frowned, how often were they having those talks behind his back? Probably since second year. Maybe every time he left the room this is what they talked about.

He felt a strange tightness in his stomach that he didn't bother to understand or question.

"But you agree with me, Junior, right?"

"Don't call me that." A heavy sigh." Of course I agree with you. It isn't fair, but you need to be less vocal about that, or at least way until better circumstances to stage an intervention."

It wasn't even a surprise, honestly. He would just need to be nicer to them in the future to avoid issues and they would have to be more discreet everytime they wanted to talk about him behind his back.

But that was the future and in the present he was pissed.

"I'm going to the basement, alone,"  he said as he swung the door open.

Evan's face quickly lost colour and Barty almost fell out of the piano stool, " For Merlin's sake, mate, you almost gave a heart attack."

"You seem fine," he kept going," Evan, find Lucios and invite him and Narcissa to dinner next Friday at Grimmauld Place. Barty, get me a list of the best potion makers in England, I want someone relatively unknown. Don't bother me while I'm down there."

He closed the door again and headed to the basement.

The pressure on his chest did not lessen in intensity as he walked, he could not stop thinking about what else Evan and Barty must be saying about him. 

No, no, no, no, it doesn't matter. I couldn't care less about what they think. I can just replace them if things go wrong, I don't need them .

"Kreacher," he called in a low voice once he reached the corridor with the cells.

The house elf was quick to appear," yes, master Regulus?"

Was it a good time to confront the elf? Well, it would have to be done sooner or later, better to get that over with.

"You lied to me yesterday," he stated.

That was enough to send the elf into a panic, grabbing his big ears and pulling them hard with his wrinkled hands.

He tried to make him stop but the elf was already too deep in self depreciation.

"Kreacher is sorry. Miss Narcissa told him it would be for the master's own good, to help him," the elf cried," Kreacher won't lie to master Regulus again."

"It's ok, it's ok. Calm down," he ordered as he kneeled to hold the elf arms to stop with the self punishment," I'm not mad, just don't do it again. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that. I didn't summon you for this. I just need some food, please." 

The elf perked up instantly with the soft words as if that wasn't how Regulus always spoke to him, and nodded vigorously.

"Kreacher will bring the best food for master Regulus."

"It's not for me, it's for Sirius."

"Oh." With that the elf disappeared and came back a few minutes later with what seemed like dinner leftovers.

Veritaserum was spread generously all over the food and in the glass of water. One part of him wanted to save some in case of need but he already had so few that he couldn't spare any.

Things finally seem to be getting back on track. He only needed to keep his head cold and nod let Sirius lead him to do something stupid and everyone would get what they wanted. Although it was difficult to open the cell door with a glass in one hand and a plate in the other.

"I brought you food," he announced. 

Sirius black eye seemed less swollen, that way he could glower with both eyes.

He straightened his back instinctively, trying to summon the dignity of a pureblood lord that most pureblood lords didn't have.

"Eat it yourself and choke."

"Come on, starving due to your own stubbornness would be a stupid death."

He lowered the plate and cup to the ground, trying not to look too eager for Sirius to eat, he had already spent some days without food, surely he wouldn't be that stubborn, right?

Regulus could always Imperio him to force him to eat, but he would like to only do that as a last resource. 

Thank Merlin, it wasn't necessary, after a few moments of sulking, Sirius started to peck the food.

He tried to not pay attention to the handprint on Sirius' face that he was sure he wasn't responsible for, actually most of the injuries didn't seem to be of his own making, even if technically he was the only one allowed to enter the cell.

It's not like he could complain about that, if anything he would be scolded for making so few wounds himself.

"Are you going to just stare the whole time?"  

"Do you want me to stare at the wall?"

Sirius kept eating.

Barty and Evan at least made things less weird, they were always moving and talking to not let the awkward silence stretch. Without them the air felt thick and too hard to breathe, let alone speak.

When Sirius was half way through the food, he spoke again.

" When I steal your wand and get back home, I'm going to burn that picture that I have of you."

They both widened their eyes.

"I didn't want to say that, I also didn't want to say this." 

"Picture?" Regulus frowned.

"Yeah, the two of us in the backyard learning to fly," he answered even if that was not what Regulus was asking, but to be honest not even Regulus himself was sure what he was asking. Sirius frowned and then slowly, almost sinisterly, started to laugh.

"Veritaserum," he laughed if it was some amazing dark humor," you little shit, you fucking psycho." 

Regulus watched as he kept laughing to himself at some awful inside joke of his own and cursed him in both English, French and a third language that Regulus didn't understand.

He wanted to ask more about the picture situation, to know why, in the name of Merlin, Sirius had a picture of him, maybe to throw darts, but he needed to get the important answers first. Sirius only ate half the food, did that mean that instead of five to ten minutes he would only have half of that? He hopped not.

"What's the exact location of the Order's safe houses?" he fired the question.

The laughter stopped, but not because Sirius regained some sanity, his lips trembled as if the words were fighting to come out and his face turned white with the effort to keep them inside.

"Cor-" the answer was stopped as Sirius put his arm over his mouth to stop himself from speaking.

The more he tried to stay silent, the more painful it seemed. His teeth dug into the skin of the forearm in an almost canine way, tearing apart the fabric of the tattered shirt and drawing blood.

Human teeth shouldn't be so sharp.

It was weirdly disturbing, it shouldn't be, Regulus had witnessed and caused much more bloody scenes but the sight of Sirius blood stained teeth made a shiver go down his spine. It was truly hypocritical.

He considered intervening, he wanted to stay out of the range of Sirius' ankle chain but the Veritaserum It wouldn't last long, he couldn't waste the opportunity.

"Stop that," he hissed as he stepped forward and grabbed Sirius' arm.

It was a fight he was losing. Sirius, despite being worn out by his time in captivity, was bigger than him and had adrenaline on his side. No matter how hard he tried, the arm didn't move and the clock was ticking. 

Then he blinked and Sirius wasn't Sirius anymore.

There was a grim staring at him.

The grim was on top of him before he could even react.

The animal's paws pressed against his chest leaving him out of breath, while the hellhound growled millimetres away from his face.

Then the grim was gone and Sirius was back.

His brain was more than confused, it only started to work again when he felt hands searching his robes, he kicked and pushed, trying to get Sirius away. 

The grim was back with its fangs about to rip his face off.

The animal began to sniff his clothes, he struggled under the height of the beast but the paws only dug deeper into his ribcage as it kept searching.

He saw the animal grab his wand with its teeth and push him away.

Sirius appeared again, with Regulus' wand in hand. It all happened in a matter of seconds, too fast for him to have any thoughts other than instincts. He launched forwards and grabbed the wand just in time to hear the familiar pop sound and felt the compression of apparating.

Chapter Text

The impact with the ground left him out of breath. The smell of wet dirt hit his nose as he struggled to get up faster than Sirius and snatch his wand back.

A fist connected with his skull making him fall backwards, he managed to grab Sirius arms and send him also falling. It quickly proved to be a bad move as the grimm returned, eyes mad with anger.

The only sounds to be heard were the song of birds and the growl coming from the beast that Sirius had become.

The wand was too far to reach, thrown into a patch of grass by the fight.

“Are you going to rip my throat with your teeth?” Regulus tried to mock despite it being a very very real and terrifying possibility. 

The giant dog's claws changed back and became instead Sirius´ hands around his throat. Regulus struggled for air as Sirius took the dagger from his pocket and sent it flying towards the wand.

”You miserable filthy little demon,” Sirius groaned as he kept squeezing Regulus' neck. The words started to lose meaning as his body begged for him to not allow Sirius’ unforgiving grasp to kill him.

For one second he wondered if he would really die like that, strangled in the middle of some woods by his own brother after failing his mission. It was too miserable. He hoped no one would find out and they would think he died in a better way.

In the end, after some more agonizing moments, Sirius let him breathe again.

His first instinct was to run to the wand but instead he could only cough for air and take his hand to his bruised neck. He knew it wasn't broken, he wouldn't be alive anymore if it was, but sure hurted just the same.

During his coughing fit Sirius took the chance to grab both the wand and dagger and point them at Regulus. “Immobulus!” He shouted but the stiffness that should have followed didn't happen, instead his throat just kept stinging.

Sirius repeated the spell once, then twice, at the third try the wand released colorful sparks with no apparent direction.

It doesn't belong to you , Regulus wanted to say but he was too busy almost dying. Wands answered to their master, not any random person that picked them. Regulus had tried both Barty's and Evan's wands on occasions, only with Evan's he managed to do some basic spells, Barty's allowed him to cast lumos and then started blasting fire. Sirius couldn't even slightly control Regulus'. It must mean they were really different people as if that wasn't already obvious.

The same thoughts must have been running through Sirius's head. 

Without hesitation Siris brought  the hand to his knee. 

Crack.

Regulus' blood turned to ice. 

He could swear he felt the moment the wood snapped on his soul. 

The scraps were thrown to the ground with disdain while still sparking before dying definitively. 

Sirius felt almost bad for doing that. Almost .

Seeing Regulus' horrified face while looking at what was before his wand brought mostly a vengeful pleasure similar to what squeezing his neck did. Actually the neck was getting purple and Regulus' eyes were very red, maybe he shouldn't have squeezed so hard. 

No, he wouldn't feel bad, it was all deserved.

His little moral fight didn't last long before Regulus' threw himself at him with a renewed anger, like a feral cat. Soon they were both on the floor again. His body complained painfully from the impact, Bellatrix might have broken a rib during one of her visits, and Regulus was trying to break the rest.

Sirius grabbed the damned knife and placed the tip against Regulus' neck before he could continue his abuse. 

“Do you want me to turn into Padfoot and rip you to pieces?” He hissed.

There was a moment of silence in which Sirius couldn't even begin to imagine what was going in Regulus' head as he blinked his wide eyes slowly.

“You called your animagus form Padfoot ?” 

Out of all things he chose to focus on that ? Whatever.

“Get up.”

For the first time in his life Regulus did what Sirius told him, the blade must be a great incentive. He briefly wondered how many people Regulus had killed with it, he would rather not know.

Sirius looked around - Trees and more trees - he had been trying to go to the Potter Manor and instead ended up in the middle of the woods. Regulus' wand had been as trustworthy as him. There was absolutely nothing for him to orient himself, he could be in Japan or Portugal or any other part of the globe.

And there was also Regulus looking him up and down as if sizing him up to decide how big the hole to bury him needed to be.

“Where are we?” Regulus took a step back to try to put distance between him and the blade.

It was a great question but one that Sirius didn't know the answer to so it only made him more angry.

“The Veritaserum is not working anymore,” he snarled,” now shut up before I make you.”

They couldn't stay in the woods forever, the Death Eaters would soon notice that he wasn't in the cell anymore and track him, without a wand his only hope would be turning into Padfoot and running for his life.

With luck he would find some town with nice people that would let him use their phone to call his friends. 

Then there was Regulus, without a wand he was probably mostly harmless but the thought of just letting him go didn't sit right with Sirius. Delivering him to the Order would be better than leaving him wandering through woods alone.

Everything would be easier if it weren't for the wounds all over his body. He was tired, hungry and hurting. Not the best state for a probably long walk. Padfoot would once again be his saving grace, dogs got tired much less than humans. In animagus form he would be able to walk twice as far and last longer without eating.

“Let's go,” he indicated to Regulus to start moving.

“Where?” 

Sirius turned into Padfoot again.

Regulus had never hated dogs so much. Just looking at the mutt with his dagger in its mouth was making his blood boil, or maybe his rage was just against Sirius and not dogs in general.

The dog, Padfoot, what a stupid name, had resorted to herding him as if he were a sheep. He couldn't take a step off the path the creature was leading him without it starting to growl.

He still had no idea where they were going. Hopefully he would find a way to escape before they reached their destination. If it was human Sirius escaping would be easy, Regulus was faster than a healthy Sirius let alone an injured one, but a dog could smell him from miles away and was much more difficult to outrun.

He had no doubt that Sirius would kill him at the minimal inconvenience, it was a wonder he hadn't done that yet, the strangulation attempt really seemed like the end. Maybe he had thought that Regulus would be worth more alive to interrogate, or revenge would be sweeter by reversing the roles instead of just killing him. 

Maybe he doesn't want me dead . 

What a stupid thing thing to think, he couldn't let that sentimental rubbish invade his mind. 

He was trying to find an opportunity to escape and at the same time dreaded the moment he managed to do it. Explaining to the Dark Lord how he messed up so badly wouldn't be fun, he could start waving his place in the inner circle goodbye.

Maybe mother would be more at ease knowing that he didn't kill Sirius. She might hit and scream at him for failing but at least wouldn't be haunted with the thought of her first born killed.

They had been walking for at least two hours, the sun was already high in the sky. 

He was starting to believe that Sirius had no idea what he was doing. Sometimes he stopped and looked around, as if deciding at random whether to turn left or right, turning into a direction just to change his mind and go back. 

Maybe it was the dog from messing with his head, not that he had much to begin with, but if not why apparate so far away from the Order place. He hadn't been able to use Regulus’ wand properly and threw them in the middle of nowhere.

The wand was another sore subject. No. It didn't matter, it was just a piece of wood. He could buy another one later.

The dog stopped for five seconds to eat some random mushrooms, hopefully poisonous.

Regulus sighed and stopped to crouch on the floor. 

Padfoot growled like he did every bloody time.

“Do you want me to starve?” Regulus was tempted to just growl back.

It was a stupid question, Sirius probably wouldn't have minded if he starved, but still he let him take a five-minute break to pick up the berries and mushrooms that seemed least likely to kill him. 

When he extended his hands to pick a handful of white mushrooms the damned dog grabbed the sleeve of his robes with his teeth and started to try to make him stand up.

“For Merlin’s sake! Just give me five minutes,” Regulus snapped trying to push the dog away.

Wherever they were going it could wait for him to have his sorry excuse of a meal, he deeply regretted not having breakfast.

“Five minutes to poison yourself,” Sirius's human hand firmly wrapped around his wrist before he could grab the mushrooms,” Congratulations, you found the only poisonous mushrooms in this area.”

It was an odd thing to think but he preferred human Sirius to dog Sirius.

“You sure?” He frowned. It looked exactly like the one Sirius had eaten, white, round, mushroom-ish.

Sirius looked at him like a tired teacher looking at a pupil who asked an extremely stupid question, a look Sirius himself must have received a lot from his own teachers. “It’s literally called ‘Destroying angel’.”

Ok, that name was ominous as hell. Still it was not like he lived in the woods to know those things, it was a surprise Sirius knew them.

There wasn't much time for chatting as Sirius immediately returned to being Padfoot after making sure Regulus wouldn't accidentally kill himself. He had the very strong suspicion that there wasn't any other reason for Sirius to not be his usual human self other than avoiding talking to Regulus.

They walked until the sun set only with those short breaks to eat, there was also the time the dog pissed on a tree, it was unremarkable as Regulus could picture human Sirius doing the same, actually most things Sirius did as a dog he also would do as a human, like barking at squirrels.

Regulus apparently also had a gift to be naturally drawn to all poisonous plants, at one point Sirius gave up letting him pick his own food and started to indicate, as Padfoot, what was safe or not to eat.

Finally the dog leaned against the trunk of a large tree and Regulus took that as a sign he could finally rest. He wanted to ask if Sirius planned to also spend the night as Padfoot but at the same time didn't want to speak to Sirius.

The ground wasn't that uncomfortable, at least the grass made it a little soft. Just the stars and the crickets…he was trying hard to not to focus on the beating he would receive once he got back home.

First two rounds of Cruciatos, one from the Dark Lord and another from Bellatrix, and then some curses from his mother with slaps in the middle to make it more personal.

He would need to use concealing charms to hide the wounds for a month.

Not to mention how embarrassing it would be. He was going to be the laughing stock of the other Death Eaters until he cut someone's head and left it as a warning for them to remember who they were dealing with - no amount of severed heads would stop Bellatrix from mocking him though. Even so the whispering would keep going behind closed doors, there was no way to avoid that.

Sirius was back as human and rubbing two rocks on each other. Regulus didn't need much knowledge in nature to understand that he was trying to make fire, he needed even less knowledge to understand he was failing miserably.

“Don't look at me like that,” Sirius grumbled.

In the end there was no fire for anyone. They would have to try to sleep in the cold and suck it up. Regulus was best dressed for the temperature compared to Sirius' ragged clothes, even the leather jacket didn't seem much warm.

“Give me your cloak,” Sirius said out of nowhere.

“Why?”

“Because I have your ugly knife and can turn into a dog to rip you apart.”

They were solid arguments. “It's not ugly,” he muttered while giving the cloak away.

“It has a black blade and a disgusting snake on the handle, it's ugly.” Sirius, instead of putting on the cloak like Regulus expected, started to cut the hem for some reason.

“It was a gift from Bellatrix.”

“Just became uglier.”

If it was anyone else saying that Regulus would have laughed. 

Sirius kept with his task of cutting strips of fabric, Regulus was too hungry to rationalize what for, at least his neck didn't hurt as bad anymore.

“Give me your wrists.”

Hell no .

His face must have said everything. Because Sirius gave up on the idea of Regulus collaborating and instead tried to grab him himself. Regulus jumped backwards away from him.

“I still have the ugly knife, I still can turn into a dog,” Sirius deadpanned,” come here so I can sleep.”

It was a lost battle, one that unfortunately Regulus was also too tired to fight. He could fight or run but would fail at both, probably only hurting himself in the process and making some latter escape more difficult. The dog was just going to drag him by the leg and tie him up even more firmly than if he had cooperated.

So he sucked his pride and offered his wrists.

“Good,” Sirius said after he was finished, Regulus wanted to break his jaw,” now lean against the tree.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Regulus tried hard not to shout as he saw Sirius take another piece of fabric that consisted of many knots to make a bigger rope.

“It's the only way I can sleep peacefully,” Sirius gave a sardonic smile.” Don't worry, it won't be worse than being chained in your friend's basement.”

Touché

Chapter Text

Once Sirius fell asleep Regulus spent the night struggling against the restraints. They were surprisingly well done, no matter how much he tried he couldn't loosen them not even a bit, Sirius had shown no mercy while tightening them. In the end he just ended up with red and irritated wrists.

No matter how tired he was he couldn't sleep, it was a surprise that Sirius could. Once he had tied Regulus to the tree he had laid down and fell asleep immediately.

Regulus found himself looking at Sirius, not only the bruises on his face, but how he had got more piercings on his ears, how his hair was slightly longer, the traces of ink indicating a tattoo under his shirt, Regulus wondered what the tattoo was, if he would even understand the meaning. 

There was a bitterness on his tongue that he didn't want to have to think about so he forced his eyes away from Sirius and looked up to the stars - at the Canis Major constellation. He should really sleep.

At night his thoughts stopped to make scene, they became incoherent and fatalistic, brought to his mind images of torture and shame and loosing everything he had and had had. 

No, no, no. He didn't care what others would think, they didn't matter, no one had thought good of him before anyways. Barty and Evan could slander him in private all they wanted, when push came to shove they still had to do what Regulus said. He wasn't in control because people liked him, it was because he knew how to grab it.

At the beginning he had blamed other people, but as he grew up he had to accept that he was just hard to love. Not the soul of the party, or a smile that could brighten the room, just him, and there was something deeply wrong with him that everyone could see.

So he stopped trying, it was easier to decide that he hated everyone in advance so it wouldn't hurt when they decided they hated him. He had Barty and Evan, they didn't let him get too lonely even if they also didn't like him for the rotten person he was, and that was enough.

It had to be.

That was why he didn't let himself get alone with his thoughts too often, nothing good ever happened.

When he woke up he didn't remember falling asleep, in his head he hadn't got a second of rest, and felt like it. 

Sirius didn't spare him a single word while releasing him from the tree, but not freeing his wrists.

Sirius turned into the awful dog again and they went back to walking.

Regulus' stomach was starting to seriously hurt, no amount of berries could make up for a whole day of walking without eating and another that looked like it was headed the same path.

“Where are we going?” He tried again, the dog didn't even turn his head to look at him. In what could have seemed like a tantrum, he stopped walking and sat down on the floor, about that the dog cared as he immediately showed his teeth in warning. “We are lost. I'm not taking another step, you will have to drag me the rest of the way.”

It was supposed to be an empty threat but Sirius took it literally. Throwing away the dagger he once had in his mouth, he bit Regulus’ trouser leg and started to try to drag him.

It was a competition to see who was the most stubborn, and Regulus had never lost one of those. Admittedly struggling to not be dragged across the ground wasn't fun but dragging someone also didn't seem much enjoyable. Sirius lasted a while until turning back with a sore face.

“Stop being a brat and walk.” 

Regulus didn't make any movement to get up.

Sirius went to grab the dagger again and pointed it at him. It was much less impactful than the first time.

“For that to work the other person needs to believe you would kill them,” Regulus said simply.

“You don't think I would kill you?”

He couldn't read Sirius' face, at one point he had been able to but not anymore. Truth to be told he had wondered more than once why Sirius hadn't killed him yet but was fairly sure that there must be a reason, even if just vague morals and not wanting to get his hands dirty with blood.

Sirius faltered. Now Regulus was completely sure that he wouldn't be killed, at least at the moment.

Instead Sirius kicked him in the ribs. The sharp pain made him flinch for a second. Oh, he hadn't expected that one. 

“Get up,” Sirius repeated.

Regulus rolled to avoid the next kick, getting his hair full of pine leaves. “We are walking in circles. You have no idea what you are doing.”

Siriud moved to grab him by the shoulders and force him to stand, there wasn't much that Regulus could do with his hands still tied. 

“Yes, we are lost, ok? Are you happy now?” 

He couldn't be further away from happy .

“And your plan is to walk in circles and hope?” 

“Would you prefer if I left you alone?” Sirius frowned, gesturing furiously,” just say it and I let you go your way, you will be free to eat all the poisonous mushrooms you want and have fun without Padfoot to scare the wild animals away.”

He hatted how right Sirius was. He had been trying to escape but escape to where? He was just as lost as Sirius, even more if counting the fact that he would poison himself at first chance. If he wanted to escape he had to wait until they were near a town or any other place from where he could get back to London

“Untie my hands,” he sighed.

“No,” Sirius answered way too fast to Regulus' annoyance.

“I'm not going to kill you,” he hissed,” you just said, I ne- I wouldn't gain anything by hurting you.”

I need you. 

He hadn't needed Sirius in years and wasn't going to start again.

“If you untie me I can climb a tree and see if there is any town nearby.”

Sirius seemed septic. “You can climb these trees?” 

They were tall, that was true, but he was fairly sure he could climb without much trouble. His climbing skills had been developed more for breaking into buildings, more specifically private offices of important people, then nature but Bellatrix had made him train on tall trees at the beginning. She had been a demented but surprisingly good teacher.

Regulus only offered his wrists without another word. Sirius seemed hesitant but gave in with a warning look before undoing the knot.

Needles scratched against his clothes as he ascended, gripping the branches tightly and feeling the rough wood.

“Don't break your neck,” Sirius shouted from the ground.

The forest floor quickly disappeared beneath him, replaced by a view of swaying pine branches and a patchwork of sunlight. There didn't seem to be any town close by, but he could see the shine of a crooked river.

“I see a river!”

“In which direction?”

It was a good thing that Sirius couldn't see him drawing the cardinal points with his finger in the air to figure out. “North!”

Sirius didn't answer for long enough for Regulus to wonder if anything had happened. “North is it to the right or left?”

“Right!”

“Mine or yours?”

“I don't know what yours is!”

Merlin, Regulus had almost forgotten how annoying Sirius was, almost.

He started to climb down, jumping when he considered that he was low enough to not break his legs on the impact. 

“Just follow me.”

Sirius held the fabric from Regulus’ cloak in an almost sheepish way if not for the taunting smile. Regulus sent him the nastiest look he could muster.

“Fine, fine,” Sirius gave in, shoving the fabric into his pocket,” But at night I will do it, I still don't trust you not to kill me while I sleep.”

It shouldn't bother him that Sirius thought he would just kill on a whim, it was what anyone would expect him to do. He wanted to grab Sirius by the shoulders and shout at him that he was never going to kill him in the first place, just to set the record straight, but he wouldn't believe it and Regulus didn't want to explain why he wasn't going to kill him.

They reached the river faster than Regulus predicted, hunger made them start running the second they heard the sound of water. Sirius turned into Padfoot halfway and threw himself into the river, splashing around and trying to catch the fishes until his black fur was completely soaked.

Regulus twisted his nose at the smell of wet dog but there was something funny about seeing Padfoot run wildly in the water. Until he remembered that Padfoot was actually Sirius, then it became less amusing.

Regulus kept watching him from the big rock he had chosen as his chair.

It was disturbing how much he resembled a pure blood lord even with dirt and with pine needles all over his hair, he looked straight out of a painting hanging in the hallways of GrimaudPlace.

The perfect son and heir.

Sirius blew off his steam as Padfoot, there were too many emotions pent up inside him that he needed to let off before he did something stupid. Regulus had a way to mess with his nervous system that only Walburga could beat. So to avoid unnecessary violence he let out his frustrations on the poor fish, he did manage to catch one.

“I caught our lunch...dinner?” 

It had to be past midday and the sun was almost setting, painting the sky a soft cloudy pink, they probably wouldn't walk much more for the day. Sirius’ wounds stopped hurting as bad but he still needed rest and Regulus was also starving and doing a poor job at hiding it.

“I don't know if I like the idea of eating fish that has been in your mouth,” the prick frowned at the fish jumping on the floor fighting for its life.

“You always can eat more berries.”

Suddenly Regulus liked the idea of the fish much more. He even took the initiative to help Sirius start a fire, what hunger did to a person. They found out that they were both completely useless when it came to bonfires, the more frustrated they became, the more carelessly they tried and the worse they did. Sirius knew he had a temper but perfect little Reggie wasn't much better.

When they finally had the fire ready came the puzzle of scaling the fish and trying to prepare it. Sirius wouldn't let Regulus grab his bloody knife for nothing in the world so the job fell on his shoulders.

While cutting the fish his mind came again about how many people had been cut the same way by the blade. A thought too morbid for dinner.

“When did you learn to climb trees?” Sirius asked while Regulus ate, he had devoured his half in seconds but Regulus was taking his time trying to make the food last longer.

It was an easy question, an innocent one, contrary to popular belief Sirius wasn't always searching for conflict, he got angry easily but didn't go around searching for more reasons to be angry, they usually came to him naturally. The difficult questions would come when he dragged Regulus to the Orders headquarters, just having to recount the torture would make James loose his mind. Maybe the sentence wouldn't be too bad, he was still young enough to generate empathy and Walburga would do anything to assure her darling boy would never see the inside of Azkaban. No, what was Sirius even thinking about that? It wasn't his business.

Regulus finished chewing before answering. “I always liked climbing.”

“Yes, our grandmother's apple tree, not a twenty metre pine tree,” Sirius pushed.

Regulus took his time taking a bone out of the fish. “How do you know all that about poisonous plants?”

He was dodging, he was dodging so much. Sirius couldn't find the nefarious goal of knowing how to climb trees but there must be one. Attack enemies from above? Stealing eggs from birds?

“Why won't you answer my question?” Sirius shot back.

He had learned all about what was safe or not to eat in the wild while camping with his friends but Regulus didn't get to know that. 

“Because there is nothing to answer,” Regulus looked him in the eyes, the same confused innocent look he used to give teachers and their parents,” I like to climb so I know how to do that.”

Bulshit .

He should have known better than to think for one second Sirius would believe that, as if some years apart would make him forget all the tricks.

“Sorry then, I didn't knew you had more hobbies besides torture and murder.”

If looks could kill, Sirius’ corpse would already be cold.

“Just because I do it doesn't mean I enjoy it,” Regulus grumbled, probably more to himself but Sirius heard regardless.

“And that makes you even worse,” he replied without mercy,” you are clever enough to understand that at least part of the pure blood theory is bullshit and you just don't care, you don't even have the shitty excuse of I don't know any better , you know what you do is wrong and you still do it.”

It was as if Sirius hadn't said anything, Regulus didn't react, didn't show a flicker of anything. Sirius would have given anything to know what was going on in the messed up head of his. It was frustrating, telling someone the truth and they just refusing to hear, for what? Pride? some weird sense of duty? 

Regulus finished his food without another word, they were left in a tense silence. Things between them always ended up in silence, Sirius would have preferred screams and broken objects but with Regulus nothing was like he would have preferred.

The sun was starting to set, they could either walk a little further following the river route or gave up walking and rest. At least while walking Sirius didn't have to look at those cold iron eyes and wonder when they lost the spark he grew up with.

Snap.

The sudden sound made them both jump. 

Snap. Snap. Snap

It repeated three times, the sound of apparition.

Death Eaters 

Chapter Text

Sirius knew they would come but didn't expect to be so soon. 

As if on cue the four hooded figures appeared in the distance.

One of them cast a spell of blue light that he prepared to dodge but didn't have to. It hadn't been aimed at him but instead at Regulus' head, whose face immediately lost all excitement it previously had.

The barrage of spells launched afterwards did not seem to have a specific target, they attacked indiscriminately both of them. The only thing Sirius could tell was that the killing curse hadn't been used yet so they must want them alive.

“Run!” Sirius shouted, turning back on his heels.

Regulus seemed completely lost by having his supposed allies attacking him but followed the command.

They ran as fast as they could into the woods. Chunks of ground rose up in front of them as trees exploded and fell to block their path, in a horrifying pyrotechnic show.

Sirius had to turn into Padfoot, it was the only chance but instead he kept running alongside Regulus.

“Give me my dagger!”

It was hard to hear with the chaos going on around them.

There was no time to ask why, Sirius fumbled for the handle and shoved it into Regulus’ hands. Once he was holding the knife Regulus turned left and ran away.

For a moment Sirius was left dumbfounded. He had left, once he had his precious dagger he had gone his away and left Sirius to distract the Death Eaters. The disgusting backstabbing-  another tree exploding interrupted his mental chain of insults.

The second he was about to turn into Padfoot a spell hit him right in the back, his legs lost all feeling and he fell uselessly on the ground.

“Got one!” A thick voice sounded.

“The older or the younger?”

“Older, the other should be near!’

Sirius tried to crawl, to force his legs to work again. He couldn't go back, they would kill him this time, very very slowly to make an example out of him, wouldn't be a surprise if they put his mangled body on display after finishing him.

He could see the four of them getting closer, a pack of hyenas going to delight in tearing apart their prey

Then in a flash an object sliced through the air. One of them stopped abruptly, time seemed to freeze for a fleeting second before they fell forwards. Sirius's eyes caught the glint of metal embedded in the back of their head from where crimson was starting to pour.

The remaining three looked at their fallen comrade with expressions of horror that Sirius could only imagine beneath their masks. 

“I think we found the other,” one of them mumbled.

A rattling was heard in a bush, a bush that the three reduced to ash in seconds. Then in another bush, and the opposite direction, and at the top of a tree. They were firing spells randomly at every noise, one of them was so distracted that tripped on the body on the ground.

“Black!” the one with the thick voice called,” Come here, we just want to talk. We won't hurt you.” 

“Do you think he will believe that?” 

“Shut up.”

Regulus did indeed not believe that as the Death Eaters waited but the several suspicious noises continued in even more directions. A large and heavy branch fell near the Death Eaters, it didn't hit any but they started to burn the trees without mercy.

Sirius tried to move but his legs still wouldn't cooperate, the heath and smell of burning wood was starting to become suffocating. The scene in front of him blurred through the smoke from the pine needles, if Regulus was still on top of the trees he would be completely singed by then. The Death Eaters were not immune to their own destruction though, Sirius could hear them coughing heavily.

He couldn't truly understand what was happening, his eyes stung from the effort of keeping them open. The one on the right fell after the sound of an impact, then the other two started to cast all kinds of colourful spells in the middle of smoke and fire. The one in the middle let out a small cry and also fell but that time Sirius could distinguish Regulus form craving something, the knife probably, on their back.

There was only one left, he took off the disgusting mask and took large gasps of polluted air like he had been suffocating before. 

Sirius tried to move again and that time he could feel a tingling in his legs, he forced himself up and ran, a very clumsy running but still ran, towards the fight. There the smoke and heat were more intense but he could see better the action than from where he had been laying before. 

The only Death Eater left had his back turned to Sirius, firing all his spells in one direction. He saw a thick branch near one of the bodies on the ground, must have been what Regulus used to strike the second. Without hesitation he grabbed it and knocked out the Death Eater from behind. He hit with more strength than he intended, it might have been just the wood crackling when burning but he was half sure he had heard bones breaking.

“Regulus! Regulus!” He called.

He couldn't be dead just like that. From the fire or one of the last spells of the Death Eater. They still had more tense silences to have.

The inferno around him was growing, the fire jumping from one tree to another in a macabre dance meant to end them.

“Sirius!” Regulus' voice answered.

He forgot all discomfort on his legs and ran like he had never run before in the direction of the sound. Regulus was lying in a pile of leaves, Sirius' heart stopped beating before Regulus stood up, sore but unharmed.

They sprinted as far away as they could from the fire. The Death Eaters left behind were done for, if any of them had survived they had been burned alive. Moody always told them not to use deadly force unless necessary but Sirius felt that deadly force in that case had been a mercy.

Only when they stopped smelling the smoke and feeling the painful heat did they allow themselves to collapse to the ground. Muggles would have an awful time trying to stop the forest fire.

He breathed heavily the fresh air, suffocating must be such an awful way to go.

“Are you alright?” he turned to Regulus after his lungs no longer felt like they were going to collapse.

Regulus didn't answer him, in fact he didn't even seem to have listened. Physically he didn't look hurt but his breathing was ragged and his eyes red in a way that didn't seem caused by the smoke, his lips trembled almost as much as his hands.

It was a vulnerability that rendered Sirius speechless, he could count by his fingers the time he had seen Regulus cry, even as a child he would lock himself in his room so Sirius wouldn't see him shedding tears. The last time Sirius caught sight of it was on Regulus' eight birthday when their parents had spent the day screaming at each other instead of celebrating like normal people.

Then he knew what to do, he had taken Regulus to the park in front of their house where they couldn't hear the screams and made Kreacher prepare them a feast full of sweets straight out of the dreams of a nine year old that they ate right there inside a little wooden muggle playhouse with a slide.

He couldn't do that anymore, he didn't know what to do, it was like he was comforting a stranger.

James, James should be there, he would know what to do. He would first want to kill Regulus but after Sirius convinced him not to, he would know what to do. He tried to remember what James did to break him out of a panic but Regulus panic didn't look like his own, he wasn't screaming or laughing maniacally, he was just holding himself and staring at the sky with wide eyes. Sirius didn't know how to calm him, telling him to breathe sounded stupid when the issue was that he couldn't breathe properly, James would never do that.

“I got a tattoo, more than one actually,” Sirius blurted out without thinking, speaking about random things was the only one of James' methods that sounded good in that situation, a hug would be too much," the phases of the moon on my clavicle, a big rune on my chest, it means transformation, figured it would be clever with the animagus thing, my constellation with my star brighter than the others, dog paws, a hearth on my thumb, Ja-Stars on my wrists.”

Realistically he knew Regulus couldn't care less about his tattoos, but he didn't get worse or told Sirius to shut up. It could just be him being positive, but Regulus’ breathing seemed a little more controlled.

“You always wanted a cat didn't you?” Where was he going? Not even him was sure.” Mary has one, white with one eye of each colour, she doesn't know what to name him, we just call him ‘cat’ for now. I'm more of a dog person but he likes to play with Padfoot.”

His breathing was definitely calmer, not yet normal but better.

“Tell me more about Padfoot,” Regulus whispered in a half choked voice.

At first Sirius thought he must have hallucinated that but no, the smoke must have really messed with Regulus' head for him to say something like that.

Still he kept talking about how amazing running wild and free felt, the crazy things he had to do to become animagus, even the embarrassing episode when he caught fleas, in the heath of the moment he wanted to talk about Prongs, Wormtail, the full moon nights but he had learned the hard way to keep his mouth shut, even if his intentions at the moments were purer than they had been with Snape. He didn't shut up until Regulus closed his eyes and gave in to exhaustion. Nothing important, nothing potentially painful or compromising, only Mary’s cat and funny details about his Padfoot and tattoos. He didn't even mention James in case it brought up bad memories.

It felt dishonest tying Regulus’ hands while he was sleeping so that was forgotten. 

Sirius had questions, many questions.

Why had the Death Eaters attacked Regulus when they were on the same side? How was he able to defeat three of them without a wand? Why did it feel so wrong to see him cry?

It had to have been because of Sirius' escape, either they thought Regulus had set him free on purpose or were just completely ruthless with mistakes, both seemed plausible; there was also the option that the Death Eaters sent had been just very trigger-happy.

It was not like Regulus was some meaningless soldier in the organisation, he had been trained, Sirius had thought that the interrogation had been his initiation to the Death Eaters but that was obviously false, he had done all that before.

Sirius carefully lifted Regulus’ sleeve and there it was, the black, twisted snake in a skull on pale skin, right there looking as hideous as always. It made him feel sick. 

Something had gone wrong, very wrong.

Not like Sirius didn't expect Regulus to join, since he got sent to the snake house Sirius knew that's where he was headed, he just…he expected him to do a bad job, joining by their parents pressure and delusions of grandeur, mostly family pressure though, not becoming an apparently skilled killer able to cast unforgivables. The way he had killed his own comrades had been cold, hiding in the smoke and stabbing them on the back, the kind of technique James would look down to.

When he was sleeping, with trails of tears in his flustered cheeks and a soft expression contrasting with the tension he always had on his face while awake, Sirius was almost to forget all that but he would wake up and the softness would disappear leaving only those unforgiving eyes reminding him of all the reasons they weren't brothers anymore.

Still Regulus hadn't left, he could have ran, Sirius thought he had ran. Could have hid in the trees and gone unnoticed. Still he had stayed, a strange choice when before he had been Sirius executioner, ready to cut his throat for the minimal inconvenience. Maybe he was thinking too hard about that, Regulus had stayed because he knew Sirius was his best shot at surviving in the woods after his friends had turned on him and then panicked because of all the problems he would be in with his stupid Lord.

There was no attachment, only the most practical way to win without caring about what he had to do or who he had to hurt - like always.

Chapter Text

When Regulus woke up his cheeks were wet. 

He could have believed that everything had just been an awful nightmare if not for the pungent smell of smoke on his clothes. Sirius was still sleeping so he had time to rub his eyes. Waking up crying wasn't weird, but doing that in front of another person, especially Sirius, was.

Once the adrenaline of the fight was over it reality hit him. They hadn't been sent to capture only Sirius, they thought he had run, that he helped Sirius escape and had become a defector of the cause. A mistake was one thing, sure a grave one but still just a mistake one that after punishment and with a lot of work could be forgiven, desertion meant death.

Would he have been able to plead his case if he had willingly gone with them? Maybe, it didn't even seem an option at the moment, with Sirius on the ground unable to move.

 He had got all of them killed, that would only make him look more like a traitor, he couldn't even begin to imagine what was happening in the Rosier manor. Bellatix might defend him if only to protect her own reputation or completely turn on him, same for Lucius, and Evan, and Barty. It was easier to picture them doing the second one.

Then there was his mother. Oh, his mother. He had to go back, apologise, swear to her that he had not betrayed her the same way Sirius did, that would break her, he knew it would, he had seen it almost happen when Sirius left. He was afraid she would end up doing something… drastic.

“You are up.”

Speaking of the devil.

He didn't want to speak to Sirius after he had witnessed his…what happened last night. Usually when he lost control and felt like he couldn't speak he would lock himself in his room until the oppressive feeling became just a weight in his chest and then kept going like nothing had happened. The talking had been good, he had to admit, having another sound besides the paranoiac voices in his own head, finally getting the answer for the questions about the tattoos he was unable to ask, still he felt small needles in his chest everytime Sirius had mentioned his friends and how much fun they had together, a stupid childish feeling.

“No, I'm sleepwalking,” he grumbled.

He had to climb a tree again, the fire was still only getting bigger in the direction of the river. They resorted to trying to follow its direction without getting closer until they were away enough from the flames.

It was a silent walk, Sirius for once didn't turn into the dog. Regulus' head was hurting, if from hunger, thirst or exhaustion he wasn't sure. He kept thinking again and again of every possible scenario, what he would say, how he would act, what the others would do, every possible end - most of them were not very optimistic.

“How did you do that yesterday?” Sirius asked.

“What do you mean?” 

“The Death Eaters, they looked completely lost.”

Sirius was referring to the Death Eaters as if Regulus wasn't also one, not `the other Death Eaters´, just ´the Death Eaters`, only another of those things he didn't had the energy to think about when he could instead rehearse one of his speech in one of the many different realities he had created on his head.

It was not like Sirius didn't think of him as one or didn't have reservations, when Regulus had woken up the dagger was no longer with him but instead in Sirius pocket.

“It's hard to breathe with the mask,” he explained without much care,” as soon as the fire started they began suffocating with those things in their face.”

It was the only reason why he wasn't a fan of the masks, they did a good job hiding identities and looked menacing but the metal was so hard to breath with, no one wanted to run for their life without being able to breathe through their nose. He could make the suggestion to the Dark Lord but as things were he would only be digging more his own grave.

Sirius nodded as if that explained everything he ever wanted to know. “I will keep that in mind to tell the Order later.”

Was that a joke? Either way it wasn't funny.

Regulus got some more minutes of peace before Sirius decided to be a pain again, “You look like someone kicked your dog.”

“The only dog I know is you and I wouldn't mind if someone gave you a kick.” 

Sirius let out a laugh, a dry humourless one.

“You already did more than that.”

Cold . Fine, Regulus would bite if that meant a single moment of peace, both from Sirius and his own head.

“We must be almost home, where there are rivers there are always houses nearby.”

“Yeah, about that,” Sirius took a deep breath,” you can't go back to Grimmauld Place, you know that right?”

The feeling of dread on the back of his stomach came back, worse than when it was only his own mind massacring him, Sirius had to join to make it become worse. He couldn't panic like last night.

“Of course not, you want to take me to your precious Order for justice or warever.”

He kicked one rock on the ground to not have to look at Sirius face.

“Not just for that, I'm serious-” it would be an amazing opportunity for a serious/Sirius joke if not for the circumstances-” those guys yesterday weren't joking, it's not safe for you to go back, Order or not.” 

Sirius didn't know anything, he would go back and build himself up again. It was just a setback, if he went back on his own they would see he didn't do it on purpose, everything could be overcome with enough determination and a lack of moral compass.

“I won't be killed,” He was trying to assure himself more than Sirius,” and my safety is not your business.”

That hurted him, Regulus didn't know why but he could see the small compression on Sirius' lips, the way he bit the inside of his cheek, tells Regulus thought he had forgotten but apparently no.

“Are you really that brainwashed? They will hurt you, they will torture you, nobody there cares about you, they just want to exploit you until you have nothing left to give and then they will trow you away.”

He felt something inside of him writhe in pain, something that should be dead.” I'm not some mindless puppet like you think, I know what I'm doing. As if the Order doesn't exploit you the same, I bet Dumbledore got you to agree to join before you even left Hogwarts.”

“You can't compare the Order to that ,” Sirius' face turned sour,” I agreed to join because I wanted to protect my friends, not because someone pointed a want at me. We care about each other, they wouldn't hurt me if our roles were reversed and I had let you escape.”

Regulus found it hard to believe, maybe Potter would stick with Sirius no matter what but all the members of the Order seemed like a reach. If he messed up badly there was no way they would tell him it was fine.

“And I was eighteen when I joined, more than an adult, unlike you that must have been marked the second you turned seventeen.”

He hadn't been marked the second he turned seventeen - it had been at sixteen - fifteen more precisely but only one week before his sixteen birthday so he liked to round the age up.

“What does any of that matter? I'm old enough to make my own decisions.”

In Sirius’ eyes he didn't made decisions, he was only their mother's trained dog, ironic considering Sirius animagus, he didn't thought for himself or was able to things such as choosing, he was a shadow of a person who only knew how to serve, a toy for entertainment, a weapon to be used and stored away when not necessary.

When people like Potter looked at him they didn't see him, they saw the shadow of the Black family, a minor antagonist in Sirius's life story that would be defeated after chapter four and never heard from again.

He knew that, he was his surname first and any other thing never. Some years on the Death Eaters and he managed to make a name, it might be an hated one but people didn't think about him only as Sirius' brother, Walburga and Orion’s son, Bellatrix’s cousin; no one doubted that he was able to think for himself.

“Doesn't mean that they are good decisions,” Sirius grumbled,” Has anyone ever told you that you're the most arrogant little shit that ever lived?”

“Lucius Malfoy every Tuesday,” Regulus replied.

“This is the first and last time that I will ever agree with him.”

“ Who knows, maybe one day you will platinum your hair, buy albino peacocks and start faking a French accent ,” Regulus mimicked the way Lucius rolled his r to try to hold on to the French heritage from some great-great-grandfather of his, to be fair Lucius had stopped with the accent thing some years ago but he would be mocked forever nevertheless.

Sirius let out a laugh again, that time with some humour, it had been a long time since Regulus managed to make Sirius genuinely laugh.

“Does Snivellus still follow him around like a lap dog?” 

“You would think they were having an affair if Snape´s only action wasn't with potion tubes.”

“The tubes must shatter themselves to get away from him.”

It seemed that the only way they could get along was if they were tearing another person down, the problem wasn't solved, they just didn't want to keep talking to solve it when making fun of people they both disliked was so much easier.

The walk was still uncomfortable, they slandered all their joined enemies to avoid talking about the real issue, still none would forget it, it kept dangling over them as they made fun of Bellatrix`s baby talk.

They tried to move faster in case more Death Eaters would appear again, Regulus wasn't sure what he would do in that situation. He could just kill them like he did to the others, he was screwed anyways.

During one of his climbs he saw a road. When he told Sirius he muttered something about ‘a ride’.

They were able to reach it before dark. Many vehicles passed them without even slowing down. They were called a word that Regulus couldn't remember, they looked like the night bus so maybe they were mini buses for only four people.

A large and red one of those things sped past them making an awful noise to wish Sirius actually gave a small laugh, Regulus couldn't see the fun. 

Sirius tried to make some of them stop, most of them didn't even look at him, until a white, yellow and blue one did, an odd choice of colours, the owner must be eccentric.

The man opened the window and looked at them. “You boys are all right? Why are you alone on the road?”

Then Regulus saw the word ‘Police’ written on the minibus and it dawned on him, the muggle aurors.

“We need a ride to London,” Sirius said,” we are lost.”

The muggle looked them up and down, they must have been really a sight, Regulus hoped he didn't have any blood on his face.

“That's where I'm going, get in, I can take you.”

The back of the minibus was actually comfortable, Sirius put a black piece of fabric in front of Regulus' body that he was going to complain about until he saw Sirius doing the same for himself. “It's just a seatbelt,” Sirius muttered so the muggle wouldn't hear.

“So what happened to you?” The muggle asked.

“We were going to a party with some friends,” Sirius lied like a professional,” had an argument and they kicked us out of the car.”

So the mini bus was actually called a car, he hadn't been even close.

“They also roughed you up,” the muggle commented before glancing at Regulus,”was it a disguise party?”

Regulus frowned, his robes looked much better than the muggle’s clothes, not anymore but they had looked before they got all dirty and slightly burned. Sirius only nodded in agreement.

Once the car stopped he would have to jump and run back home before Sirius got the chance to call the Order. It all would depend on where the muggle was taking them, maybe he could ask to be dropped right at Grimmauld Place, it would be almost too convenient.

It was a struggle to not fall asleep as Sirius kept talking with the muggle about the fake disguise party they were supposedly going to, he must have slept a bit in the middle because when he closed his eyes they were going through a town and when he opened them again they had just passed a bridge.

“Regulus,” Sirius started to shake him awake with an urgent tone.

“What?” He mumbled half asleep.

The car was slowing down.

In the middle of the road five masked figures stood.

The muggle started to say something to a small black box but couldn't finish before the middle one raised their arm in the air.

The world outside the window blurred into chaos as tires screeched and metal crunched against metal. Regulus' body jolted forward, restrained by the unforgiving grip of the seatbelt. Time slowed, and the air was filled with the deafening symphony of breaking glass and twisted metal. 

A buzzing filled his ears while hot blood ran down his face. The muggle on the front seat laid slammed over the wheel, red covering the shattered remains of the front glass. 

With the horrible sound of fingernails scratching a chalkboard, the right half of the car was ripped off allowing them to see the metallic shine of the masks before being grabbed and thrown into the middle of the road, invisible restraints tied around their ankles.

“Reggie, good to see you again.” Bellatrix’s voice came muffled as if she was underwater, or maybe Regulus was the one underwater.” I have been wanting to have a little chat with you.”

“Bellatrix, you look even uglier with that on your face,” Sirius chimed in just to be immediately kicked by Bellatrix on the face so strong that he started coughing blood.

“I can explain, this is all a huge misunderstanding. I-” 

She didn't let him finish before giving him the same treatment she had given Sirius, hot pain radiated across his cheek only making the buzz on his ears wost. Any cars unlucky enough to be on that road were being blown and thrown off the road by the other Death Eaters. 

Bellatrix wrapped her hand around Regulus' face. “It better be or I'm going to break all your little bones one by one.” Her nails felt like claws on his skin. “I won't let you embarrass me like this in front of the Dark Lord.”

The lack of baby talk was somehow the scariest part - she wasn't playing games, even sadistic ones.

He tried to speak but she just made her grip harsher.

“Keep your hands to yourself,” Sirius snarled.

That made Bellatrix’s “humour” come back. She laughed like a banshee, her tone laced with disdain and mockery. “Oh, Reggie, is big brother worried about you? Did you two make peace and hug?” 

Her hand moved like a spider to his nape. “What if I do-” she slammed his head against the tar-” this?”

Sirius answered, or yelled, something back. Regulus wasn't sure what, the words had become white noise.

“Sirius!” a faded voice sounded 

The hand released him. One, three, five, ten people appeared on the spot.

“James!”

Regulus never thought he would be relieved to see Potter, then mentally hit himself for being relieved. It was good for Sirius, he would be able to go back to his home, good for him. Regulus on the other hand would go back to Grimmauld Place where he belonged and work to fix that whole mess.

The Order was a good thing sure, he wouldn't have to worry about Sirius being killed but it was just that, he wasn't the one being rescued.

Potter ran to them while the Order members fought the Death Eaters, the Order was in numerical advantage, Bellatrix was worth three people in duel but still they were too outnumbered and had nothing to win, a withdrawal was the best choice.

Potter released Sirius' ankles before giving him a hug too long for the situation they were in and looking down at Regulus like he was dirt on the ground.

“It's ok, he won't do anything,” Sirius assured. 

Potter grunted like an idiot but did release him too. 

If he could he would have stayed there cursing both of them in all languages he would but he had to find Bellatrix again and leave.

“Where do you think you are going?” Sirius grabbed him by the collar before he could run to the fight,” don't be dense, didn't you hear the part about breaking your bones?”

“It was hypothetical,” Regulus sneered back while cleaning the blood from his face, it was half dry and sticky.

She wouldn't break his bones, or if she did she would fix them after to be sure he was still able to serve their lord.

He better worry up, the other Death Eaters were already backing down to the point Potter didn't even feel the need to go join and instead kept looking at Regulus and Sirius with a confused face like he was having thoughts for the first time in his life besides pranks and quidditch.

With a swift movement Regulus pointed the dagger at both of them, he had taken it back when they got into the car.

Potter immediately raised his wand but Sirius put his hand on his shoulder.

“For that to work the other person needs to believe you would kill them,” Sirius threw his words back at him, he didn't even seem surprised about the theft.

“You don't think I would kill you?”

Potter looked even more lost than before.

“James, my mirror, do you have it?” Sirius urged Potter.

Is he such a narcissist to be worried about his hair now? He needs to rethink his priorities.

Potter fumbled to take a small portable mirror out of his pocket that he gave to Sirius that immediately shoved it into Regulus hands. 

“It's a two way mirror-” Sirius started but he didn't stay to hear the rest.

He had waited too much, most Death Eaters had already left and there was just Bellatrix and another brave fool fighting nine Order members by themselves. He felt dizzy when he started running, he had bangged his head harder than he thought when the car crashed.

Once he was close enough Bellatrix grabbed him by the arm and they apparated.

Chapter Text

The torture was intermittent.

He had spent the entire day lying on the cold floor of the Rosier mansion being under crucio again and again and again.

The Dark Lord wouldn't stop his daily routine for him. Every once in a while someone would enter the room to speak about some important business, look at Regulus shivering on the floor with either concern or contempt, and he would get a small reprieve before they left and the pain was back again.

“Maybe it's enough,” the Dark Lord couldn't contain the smile while looking down at him,” how many times have you been under my wand today, six? Seven?”

Eight , it was the only thing he could keep track of. 

“I would like to think you learned your lesson but one can never be too sure, let's make it nine.”

His bones were shattering, the broken fragments digging into his flesh. Agony hit him in waves until he was drowning, he wanted to drown, anything for the pain to end. His own screams sounded on his ears twisted and pain filled.

Bellatrix had only ever tortured him until he felt like he was going insane, not until he was actually on the verge of insanity.

“You are not on the verge of insanity, Regulus.” The pain stopped, thank Merlin and Salazar and everyone else up there.” That would be a waste, you still have your use.”

He couldn't answer back, he didn't need to, Legilimency, what a cursed ability.

“Do you know why I took a liking to you in the beginning?”

His head was going to implode.

The Dark Lord let out a small chuckle. “Because you know what really matters - power and doing whatever it takes to achieve it.”

If he had any power he wouldn't be laying on the floor half dead.

“That's right but you were very close to it before you faltered, do you know why you faltered?” The tone of the question was more fitting to if he was speaking to a small child. ”Because you let your emotions get the best out of you, if you had tortured him like you were told none of this would have happened.”

Imagens of the days in the woods blended together. The lifeless body of the muggle cop, the view from the top of the trees, the river, being kicked, being hugged, no, he was never hugged, he wished he was.

“Deep inside you still want to be loved.” It sounded like an insult.” I thought that part of you was dead, looks like I was wrong.”

Another flash of red agony hit him

“I don't like being wrong.”

He didn't want it, he did, he didn't know what that looked like. His mother loved him, her love hurt, he wanted to stop hurting, all his life he had been hurting.

“You can stop hurting, I have shown you a way to ease the pain.” The Dark Lord was by his side, Regulus hadn't noticed him there until he was running a hand through Regulus' damp hair.” The only path to grandeur is having nothing that can be used against you, no life is above our interest, no price is too high. Shatter your soul and it will never bother you again.”

Shatter the soul, no soul, break it to pieces, rip it apart, kill it before it can kill you.

“Exactly but remember-” the hand gripped his hair rough-” you are not my only soldier, another mistake like this and I will replace you.”

Regulus couldn't hear more before darkness creeped into his vision.

When he woke up it wasn't in his bed, the sheets were harder and the mattress more uncomfortable.

Fuzzy memories of pain, a shattered soul, nature and warmth left him wondering if all hadn't been just a fever dream. He let himself lay there staring at the ceiling numbly, it made an awful creaking noise.

He was half sure he was dead, he couldn't be more than a spirit stuck in the living world, in no other way would he be able to feel such agony and emptiness at the same time.

The constant, rhythmic sound of wood knocking on wood brought him out of his stupor.

“Winky?” He spoke in a slurred voice as he saw the Crouch’s house elf crocheting on the corner of the room.

“The young Black is awake!” The elf jumped, throwing her work on the ground, shame, it was looking nice.” Winky will call master Barty.”

He didn't have to wait much, Barty either had been hiding behind the door with Evan or they developed super speed while he was away. The door creaked when they opened it, a horrible squeak of rusty hinges that made him cringe.

He tried to sit up but it sent a lightning of pain through his body.

“Out of the way, I'm his mother.” Barty and Evan were shoved aside by a very tired looking Walburga Black. She sat on the side of the bed and coached him to lay down again. “Elf, fetch us some water.”

She basically waterboarded him with the glass, Regulus could see the good intentions but he was too dazed to have a cup of water shoved down his throat like that.

“You two may leave now,” she waved Barty and Evan off the same way she usually did to Kreacher, “you have no idea how worried I was. Where have you been? What happened?”

“You don't know?” He spoke slowly, fighting the lethargy.

“Neither Bellatrix or the Dark Lord will explain anything,” she frowned.

He let out a hiss as a headache hit him with all its strength. That seemed to trigger his mother's maternal side; she completely forgot about her questioning and started running her hand through his hair in a way too similar to what the Dark Lord had done.

“Where am I?” Was the first coherent thought he could formulate.

“In the Rosier manor, it wasn't wise to move you in your state.”

“Where is Kreacher?” Was the second.

That immediately took all the lightness from her expression, leaving only bitter rage. “Your father had more important matters to attend to ,” she told him in a tone that made clear those weren't her words,”couldn't even spare the house elf to take care of you, I had to rely on Crouch's filthy one.”

Regulus thought Winky had probably done a good job but it wasn't the moment. At the mention of his father the hand that was previously running through his hair in a soothing motion gained strength and velocity until it felt like she was trying to rip Regulus’ hair to spit his father somehow.

When he looked down he saw that he wasn't wearing dirty robes anymore, but instead a pair of blue pyjamas. The nightstand next to him was full of empty potion bottles. 

He soon came to know he had been in and out of consciousness for a week straight, a week where his mother made herself at home in the Rosier manor as Barty liked to complain.

He was confined to bed for another week before he regained a fraction of his strength, even then his steps were weak and wavering. He somehow had managed to convince his mother to let him fully recover in the Rosier manor as long as Kreacher kept a close eye on him and she still spent an absurdly large amount of time by his bedside.

She had screamed and screamed when he refused to answer her questions. At one point she had thrown the chair across the room, cursed him, verbally and physically, and left, claiming she wouldn't return until he started trusting her. When asked he would always blame the pain and copious amounts of potions on his system for the tears that had pricked in his eyes.

Three days later she had returned acting like the whole incident had never happened and he knew he was expected to do the same, still he noticed how her words were more dry and less sympathetic.

Being asleep had been better than being awake, at least asleep he couldn't feel the pain that shook his bones every time he moved or be constantly harassed with questions that he would rather die than answer.

Kreacher stopped by once in a while when he didn't had duties to attend but most of the time Winky was a life saver, not because she helped him eat and do all the things he was too weak to, even though that was also appreciated, but because it was good to talk to her, it was simple, she didn't expect anything from him and would never dream of asking him to explain himself.

The first thing he noticed when he was finally allowed to leave the guest room was the way everyone looked at him from the side, he first thought that what happened with Sirius got out but Barty told him the contrary.

“There are lots of rumours, no one confirmed anything,” he had explained one day as they played cards,” my personal favourites are that you were using Sirius’ blood for some blood ritual to gain power and try to overthrow the Dark Lord or that you snapped and killed him before the time and had to do necromancy to bring him back.”

“If I could do that level of necromancy I would already have my personal army,” Regulus had shrugged.

Barty, Evan, his mother, Lucius, lots of random strangers and their families wanted to know what had happened, all they knew was he had his task to interrogate Sirius but something had happened and he got punished severely for that. Regulus always dodged the question, sometimes even feeding the rumours a little bit.

Bellatrix had been giving him the cold shoulder but she kept her lips sealed about the incident, despite some cruel remarks that thankfully no one was able to decipher. The only ones that knew the truth were Sirius and the Order members that he told, but Death Eaters and the Order didn't have the habit of gossiping together so Regulus thought he was safe.

Once he was back on his feet he was expected to go buy a new wand and back to work immediately, the same kind of missions as always - sneak into this person's house, steal this, find out what that person is up to, kill those people, make it look like an accident, find out what is whispered behind closed doors- but the topic of the inner circle was dropped.

During the first mission he could barely walk straight, it was supposed to be simple, go to a pub to eavesdrop on some people the Dark Lord thought were financially supporting the Order, it was supposed to be simple until he got dizzy halfway through and almost fell down a flight of stairs.

The dizziness gradually became less severe but the pain never went away. When he stopped to think about it, it scared him. Cruciatos wasn't supposed to work like that, it could damage muscles and mess with the brain but shouldn't make him constantly feel like his bones were broken. 

At least to the pain there was a solution, potions that he had been taking religiously since he woke up.

He should be relieved, honestly, most people would indeed have been executed for a mistake like that, he only had to take potions, but the constant missions were taking their toll.

He didn't have time to think too deeply into what was happening or had happened, his life was getting up, taking his potions, avoiding everyone and performing one hundred tasks at the same time until day was over and he got five precious hours of sleep before starting all again.

The potions made him sleepy, distracted, his mouth feeling like parchment, he would go without them but the first time he tried he ended up on the ground unable to move from the sudden wave of sharp pain on his head, the time it took for him to recover made him have to stay up all night to catch up on all the things he still needed to do.

He had never been so tired all his life, the constant movement made him skip meals, skipping meals made him more tired, being so tired made him have to drink more potions for his head not to hurt, the potions only made him more tired, being more tired made him take longer on tasks and have to skip more meal.

It was a vicious circle that he didn't know how to break before it broke him.

He also had weird dreams but wasn't sure what was to blame there, more than once he went to sleep and woke up with the words Sirius had told him in the woods ringing in his ears.

You know what you are doing is wrong but you still do it.

Don't go back.

Shatter your soul.

There was also the soul part, for some reason that part of the speech had really affected him.

Once he heard it he couldn't stop noticing how often the Dark Lord talked about the soul in his speeches, breaking it, it sounded familiar in a part of his mind he couldn't place, like a candy that had been eaten as a child and never tasted again.

It was as if there was something right in front of him, something he couldn't see but would become obvious once the pieces connected, but he was too tired to connect them.

The mirror Sirius had given had vanished with his dirty robes, when Winky gave them back to him, carefully washed, it didn't come back with them. He asked her what had happened to it but she swore on her life that when she had taken them to be washed it already wasn't in there, she seemed so scared of being accused of theft that he let it go, maybe it was for the best.

It was not like he would use it, even if the occasional wild thought came to his mind he didn't fancy a stay in Azkaban.

There would be no rest, warm house or forgiveness for him, Sirius had made it very clear when they were still children that if Regulus crossed the line he wouldn't get any sympathy, and acted on his threat at every possible opportunity at Hogwarts. He isn't sure if Sirius' idea of crossing the line had been getting sorted into Slytherin, not challenging their mother or joining the Death Eaters but in any case he had run across the line until he couldn't see it anymore.

It had been a clever move really, to give him a mirror that allowed him to contact the Order, maybe it even had a localization charm. Sirius had expected him to come back running like a scared child, even with all the bitter story between them, so they could tell him sweet lies and then lock him in Azkaban, or force him to become a double agent and then lock him in Azkaban.

But he wasn't that weak to not be able to take a little pain for his mistake, he wouldn't allow Sirius to play with his head like that.

In retrospective it became so obvious, the way Sirius seemed to soften slightly after some days in the woods, how he had joined Regulus to laugh about Lucius, that's when the plan to trick Regulus to handle himself in had started, all that talk about how the Death Eaters would hurt him and the Order was different had been part of the charade.

For one awful moment he had almost fallen from it but he knew better.

There was a reason he had been able to cast crucio on Sirius and he needed to remember that, hold every small cruelty close to hearth and remember them before bed to not let years of pain be overshadowed by moments of false love.

Chapter Text

Evan was never where he was supposed to be, it was the most frustrating thing. If Regulus needed him in the morning he would only show up at night, if there was a fire in the kitchen he would be on the other side of the country.

It wouldn't have been so bad if Regulus hadn't asked him to fetch him some more potions for the pain, he had only been some hours without one and was already feeling the symptoms, it seemed every time he went without the potions hurted more than the last.

No one else knew where Evan was, or maybe they knew and just didn't want to talk to him, it was very possible as no one yet dared to look him in the eyes. Wankers, if he could curse them with a look he would have done that a long time ago.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, that's why he found himself searching through Evan's room for the bloody potions.

Most things there were from Hogwarts that Evan still hadn't had the will to throw in the attic, there were some pretty clay sculptures that Regulus had the decency to not damage in his desperate quest for the potions.

He went through one of the thousand drawers in the room, seriously why did Evan need so much storage? He didn't even have much stuff besides Hogwarts material, the sculptures and a suffocating amount of dust in the room.

When he was ready to move to the next the bottom of one drawer came out revealing a hidden compartment.

He didn't think much as he began to go through the contents, there was a vague little voice of reason in the back of his head telling him that the potions wouldn't be hidden but it was drowned out by a sea of pain.

The first thing was an old leather book, Regulus first thought that it was Evan's diary but it was instead his father's diary, even Regulus had enough common sense to not read someone's dead father’s journal so he put it back.

There wasn't much else, precious looking jewellery, that he suspected was hidden because Evan didn't want to declare it in case tax collectors went banging on the door, like the old men in the stories who hid money in mattresses.

He was about to put everything in place and keep going when a small unpretentious paper took his attention.

A muggle train ticket.

From St Pancras International to Gare du Nord, in Paris.

To the next morning.

It was in Evan's name.

Regulus' blood froze in a way he didn't even remember his headache, there was no reason for a wizard to take muggle transports unless they wanted to be untraceable.

Evan was trying to leave, it was the only explanation, no one ever left and survived to tell the story. Regulus had to talk him out of that, it would be suicide, worse than suicide, if he was that unhappy it would be easier to put a rope on his neck and be done with that.

The momentary panic changed to confusion as he noticed more tickets, many many more. All in Evan’s name but with dates already expired. Did Evan go to France regularly through muggle transports and Regulus never noticed? No, there were too many, they hadn't been used.

“What are you doing in my room?”

Regulus jumped in place and shoved the papers back.

“Getting my fix,” he tried to smile, it wasn't a lie.

His heart was beating too fast, he hadn't done anything wrong, they had lived in a dorm together for six years, it would be more if any of them had bothered to return to their seventh year, there wasn't much of a sense of privacy regarding each other's things, both Barty and Evan had gone through his drawers more than once to try to find quills and junk like that.

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that I forgot to give it to you.” Evan went to a trunk and trew one of the vials at Regulus, which he drank greedily.” Snape is getting too comfortable, he gave Greengrass a list with more than twenty ingredients that he needs for a potion - I had to spend the whole morning helping her get thirty boomslang skins or she would be there forever.”

Spending the morning looking for dried snake skins wasn't Regulus' idea of fun, he had to tip his hat to Evan for volunteering. “Greengrass only joined last month. He finally got someone he can bully around, but she should stand up for herself before he goes on a complete power trip.”

“I told her that but she is still in that weird phase where she doesnt know what she is or is not allowed to do, you know.” Evan took off his boots and sat on the bed.

“No, I don't.”

“Oh but that's because you are a jerk and your cousin took you under her wing, you don't count.”

He wouldn't put it as Bellatrix taking him under her wing, it was more that she put him on a leash until she was sure enough he wouldn't make her look bad in front of the Dark Lord.

It had many downsides but also some upsides, she did teach him all he knew about duelling and most of what he used in missions, and of course no one dared to upset him, they expected him to be just like her and she wasn't someone people could insult and get away with their thong intact.

“What else did he ask Grengrass to get him?”

The list he got next was full of all the darkest potion items imaginable that managed to make his mouth open. “What the hell is he doing with all of that? Only for one potion?”

“I told you it's insane- what are you doing?” 

Regulus grabbed a quill tossed on the desk and grabbed a piece of parchment. “Writing all that down, might come in handy later.” 

“Go get your blackmail material,” Evan laughed,” if he keeps this up I'm going to speak to him, with me he doesn't play around.”

“Evan Rosie, the defender of the weak and oppressed, remember to inform me when you solve world hung-'' A yawn didn't let him finish the sentence.

“Okay I will write to you when I end world hung,” Evan laughed.

He was looking relaxed enough, better to ask instead of living in doubt forever.

“What's up with the tickets?”

All joy left Evan’s face, like a child caught stealing cookies, not that Regulus would know that feeling, as a child he had been too scared of disappointing his mother to do anything like that.

“What tickets?”

He grabbed a handful of them. Merlin, some were from last year, others had been touched so much that the date was too faded to read.

“Nothing, I like to keep them to remember trips.”

“If they were nothing they wouldn't be hidden,” Regulus insisted,” and you make the same trip to France twice a month for the last year? How much money have you spent?”

It was a low blow mentioning money but it was needed.

He wasn't sure how much muggle money was worth, probably less than galleons but still, travelling wasn't cheap. With the money Evan had wasted he could have repaired the ceiling or removed the limestone from the walls, it wasn't as if Regulus hadn't offered to finance the arrangements but Evan always refused to accept anything more than the strictly necessary, apparently trips that would never be taken were necessary.

“Are you planning to leave?”

The air hung heavy with the words. 

He had said them before, to Sirius before he had packed his bags and disappeared in the night, he could see it in front of him, Evan's blond hair becoming midnight black, the fear on his face morphing to anger, until Regulus wasn't sure he was on the present or reliving memories. 

“Regulus, please let it go,” Evan sounded like he was coaching a wild animal to not attack,” I'm not going anywhere, I won't do anything, I thought about leaving but I won't do it.”

Those were more than simple thoughts, they were months and months of desire. He kept buying the tickets, always hoping the next train would be the one. 

It never was, it couldn't be, joining was for life.

How could he have never noticed? Evan never said anything about wanting to go, Regulus always thought of him as apprehensive but there must have been warning signs, warning signs he didn't want to look at.

What other things could he have missed because he didn't want to see them?

“Does Barty know?”

“No!” Evan jumped.” Don't tell him about this, don't tell anyone, you know what would happen to me.”

“I won't.” He didn't know how to make his words sound true when his lies were so convincing. 

“You promise?”

He must have done something very wrong along the way for Evan to believe so deeply that he would sell him out for some momentary recognition.

“I swear on my life.”

There was still no blind trust but Evan seemed more calm. Regulus wanted to ask more, find out why and how it had started.

“You want to run away this badly?” he mumbled while counting the tickets, twenty-six, twenty-eight…

“Sometimes but it will never happen anyways,” his voice took on a tone of uncertainty again,” you never wanted to leave?”

Twenty nine, thirty, thirty one, thirty-two…

“I don't like to think about impossible things, won't do any good.”

Evan raised an eyebrow as if he had expected Regulus to just say ‘no’ or laugh about how stupid the idea was.

Except he had lied, it wasn't impossible, he had been offered the way out Evan could only dream of and thrown it away.

 No it had been a trap, it had to have been a trap.

“So you buy the tickets, never use them, but buy them to convince yourself that there is a chance to leave,” he spoke slowly, trying to wrap his mind around the concept.

Evan looked down. “When you say it like that it sounds stupid.” He walked to Regulus' side and grabbed one ticket himself with a longing expression. “ I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I joined, just like you and Bart didn't.”

Regulus opened his mouth to protest but Evan cut him before he could disagree.

“Don't even try it. You two might have adapted but you have to admit that this wasn't what you expected at the beginning.” He couldn't disagree with that.” I never adapted. One week in and I already wanted out, but that is not an option. I don't want to die. I might wake up everyday thinking about how I hate everything but at least I'm still waking up. I buy the tickets because I always convince myself that someday I will leave but it never happens, I won't throw my life away like that even if that makes me a monster.”

He remembered how Evan fought in battle, violent, determined, ruthless, not because of loyalty but that burning desire to stay alive and the knowledge that if he backed down he would only meet an early grave or Azkaban, which was worse than the grave.

Regulus felt a mix of shame and worry as he realised he couldn't relate to the feeling. He thought about death sometimes, of course he did, death was all he knew, but never saw it as something to fight at all costs. He liked stories about martyrs, who laid down their lives in the name of a bigger cause and embraced the peaceful sleep to be immortalised in history books. Death was not something he actively sought, that would make him crazy, but if it came in his direction that was just how things went, he wouldn't complain.

“Then why did you join in the first place?” 

No one had forced him, he could have just not sought the Dark Lord, the Rosiers didn't have enough prestige to be expected to join.

That was Evan's turn to look ashamed. “Because you and Barty did, you kept talking about how great it would be and I…let myself go along.”

Regulus remembered that, right after he got the mark he had been scared, a cold primordial fear that stayed inside him all the time, it made him talk louder than he ever had before, put a bravado about how he would become the Dark Lord's right hand man, that unfortunately his friends believed.

Barty was the more vocal in his support, talking louder than Regulus himself, that was how much he hated his father, how far he was willing to go in the name of his rebellion. Evan hadn't spoken for or against, when the time came he and Barty took the mark together to join Regulus among the ranks, it had felt natural that they all joined, it had felt right.

It now felt so wrong.

Evan's mother had died during childbirth, at that time the Rosier family had been almost as influential as the Black's but after his wife’s death Evan's father let himself go, a state of deep depression that the years didn't erase, he lost interest on the family's finances, if he ever took a decision it was half assed and poorly thought out just to be left alone again - It was a surprise to no one when the family's vaults became almost empty.

His mother had told Regulus the sad story when he was too young to fully understand it, and he had seen the last act play out  in front of him when in his sixth year Mister Rosier had completed the emancipation papers, disappeared to a place where no one had been able to fund him in years, and left Evan alone in the middle of a civil war with a crumbled empire and no one to tell him what to do with it.

That all happened in the same years Evan had joined, the secret reason why he had done it that he couldn't bring himself to reveal.

“Why did you never say anything?” Regulus asked because he didn't know what else to say.

“Come on, you are on your way to become the Dark Lord’s right hand man, it's not such a crazy thought.”

In any other circumstances he would have felt proud. He only felt shame.

It had been his fault, he hadn't told anyone to join but without meaning he planted the seed of the idea and let it grow freely, festering in despair and hatred.

Later that day he invited Barty to a bar in the shadiest area possible where the threat of being mugged was constant, just as Barty liked.

“Have you ever thought about leaving?” He waited until the conversation became extremely casual to drop that bomb, the way Barty almost let his dirty glass of fire whisky fall told him he hadn't waited enough.

“What are you on about? Of course not,” he half laughed half choked on his drink,“is this some test?”

Regulus took a sip from his own cup, it was supposedly pure vodka from Koldovstoretz mixed with sweetener but the sweetener was nowhere to be seen. “Just asking, there have been many deserters lately.” 

The number increased every day. On both sides, the war had been going on since Regulus' first year at Hogwarts, people were tired, they didn't want to fight anymore.

“Cowards,” Barty sneered,” if the Dark Lord ever sends me to find one I'm going to make the lad beg for it to end.”

That answered all his questions. 

He wondered what Barty would do if he knew about Evan, it was easy to speak but if Evan took that train and Barty was the one assigned to find him Regulus had no idea what would happen.

There wasn't nearly enough whiskey in his system to think about that.

“How are you doing after…you know?” Barty made some vague gesture with his hands that Regulus couldn't for his life decipher but he got the idea from the tone.” I feel like I haven't seen you since your mom took me and Evan hostage when you were unconscious.”

He hadn't considered it but his mother must have gone to the two of them to demand explanations while they waited for him to wake up, oh how they must have suffered, it wasn't the same as being under crucios but close.

“I have been busy,” Regulus shrugged,”the Dark Lord has been making me work like a dog, this is my first free afternoon in a while.”

He would have rather have spent his only free moments catching up on all the missing sleep under heavy blankets with tea by his side instead of some noisy bar without thermal insulation but he needed to speak to Bart and the horrible environment made him more at ease than anywhere else for some reason.

“Maybe if you had someone to vent t-”

“I'm not telling you what happened,” Regulus cut him before he could use the same argument for the millionth time.

“One day you will.” Barty's eyes became more relaxed at every sip he took from his cup. “One day you will.”

They drank, talked about nothing, laughed about nothing. Regulus didn't let himself get drunk, one of them needed to be sober to take the other home and he didn't trust his mouth to stay shut with the influence of the drink, Barty wasn't a fan of that kind of self restraint - by the time of leaving Regulus had to help him walk.

Miss Crouch had thanked him when he arrived with her wasted son.

“We are going to be kings,” Barty laughed when they dropped him onto a couch,” you and me and Rosier. Kings of the world while it burns.”

Miss Crouch only smiled at both of them.” He stops making sense when he is drunk, talks about the most absurd things. Thanks again for bringing him home, he is lucky to have a friend like you.”

She wouldn't be happy if she knew it wasn't only nonsense. She wouldn't be smiling at Regulus if she knew it was his fault. She wouldn't think Barty had been lucky to meet him.

“You're welcome.”

Chapter Text

Lucius had invited him to dinner. Regulus wanted to tell him to grab the dinner and put it in a place he couldn't say out loud with his mother by his side fixing a loose strand of her hair.

Then he realised that it was an amazing excuse for a night without missions and the idea became suddenly extremely attractive, it had been a good excuse to fix the relationship with his mother, she had forgotten about his secret and instead focused on talking about all the things wrong with the Malfoys as they approached the massive decorated iron gate.

“Abraxas had this monstrosity built as a gift to his wife after he was caught cheating on her for the eighth time,” she frowned at the metallic peacocks on the lock.

“I would be more offended to receive such an ugly gift than about the cheating,” Regulus commented.

His mother chuckled in agreement,” she divorced him one year later, this might have been the reason.”

The interior of the mansion was a love letter to opulence, there weren't any of the sober, heavy tones of Grimmauld Place, the architect's mentality seemed to have been just bigger is better. 

“Reggie, aunt, I'm so glad you came,” Narcissa greeted them.

On the long table in the dining room sat Bellatrix and her husband, Lucius and his father. Abraxas Malfoy made Regulus feel underdressed in his purple robes in comparison to the man’s bright white ones with what Regulus suspected were diamonds as buttons, with that as his role model Regulus couldn't judge Lucius for being over the top.

The only person to not exchange pleasantries with him was Bellatrix, she knew for sure how to hold a grudge.

“I'm so glad to have you all where tonight, I feel like it has been ages since we all came together,” Narcissa smiled once they all sat down, as if there wasn't a very good reason why they rarely came together.

“Not all of us, isn't that right Reggie? Isn't there anyone else you want here?” Bellatrix smiled like a shark.

“No.”

By his side his mother tensed but Narcissa chuckled. “Bella, don't be mean. Tonight is for us to get closer.”

He wanted to leave before any of them mentioned what happened, sometimes he caught Bellatrix looking at him and had to lower his head, he had no doubt that she wanted nothing more than to tie loose ends.

Another wave of headaches hit him like someone had put a tight rubber band around his head and he wasn't sure which one would break first. It had become a habit to always carry a potion with him. He tried to carefully slip it into his cup so no one would notice but Bellatrix’s eyes were too sharp.

“What are you drinking?” she didn't miss her chance, the jerk, she knew damn well what he was drinking.

“It's for insomnia,” his mother interjected before he could answer,” Orion also has it, might be genetic. It's good to take it an hour or two before bed”

“I usually drink an herbal infusion, it works wonders, I will tell Dobby to give Kreacher the recipe,” Narcissa added.

“That would be lovely of you. Healers exaggerate when writing prescriptions, I already told Regulus that so much potion isn't good for him but he doesn't listen.”

She should try to go through the pains he went through daily and then she would see if he was taking too many potions or not. At least the conversations came back to normal boring territory.

He kept his head turned to his mother while she spoke to Abraxas and sporadically asked him for his opinion, even if just to mindlessly agree with her.

After the dinner the women all left to do only Merlin knows what, Narcissa, Bellatrix and his mother together it was a mix made in hell, still Regulus would have preferred going with them instead of being stuck with Lucius and his dad while the two talked about how muggles were destroy the economy and smoked cigars.

“You want one, boy?” Abraxas offered.

He shook his head for the fifth time.

“A puff of a good cigar after supper never hurt anyone, honestly, bet if it was some of those new drugs you take it.”

“Father, I have to discuss some matters with Regulus, do you mind?” Lucius ended the slow torture.

Abraxas obviously did mind but found more things to babble about to the poor house elf, apparently he found the pristine clean floor still dirty.

“I know about what happened with Sirius,” Lucius turned suddenly.

It was a good thing Regulus wasn't smoking, a cigar falling from his agape mouth would have made him look like an idiot.

“Bellatrix told you?” 

“Of course she did, we are family.”

“She told my mother?” 

“No, no, only me and Nacissa.” That wasn't slightly calming, of course Bellatrix had to go to Narcissa to gossip, and then she would have to tell her husband. “ We were talking and whatever Sirius offered, it would be wise to not forget your us in the deal.”

“What deal?”

“The ‘unlikely escape that you should have been able to avoid but didn't and then helped him not get captured again’ deal.”

It connected at once, in their head Regulus had done everything on purpose in exchange for immunity or something and the Malfoys wanted that extended to them.

The idea had Narcissa written all over it.

“Sirius didn't offer me anything, it was just a mistake,” he tried to correct to which Lucius only waved.

“Yes, of course it wasn't on purpose, that would be treason,” Lucius gave him a small nod as if they were in an inside joke together,” but in case things go don't work as planned, there is nothing wrong with having a plan B, just hypothetically speaking.”

Bellatrix only knew what she saw and the fact that the Death Eaters sent to get them never returned, it hadn't occurred to him that her anger could be suspicions of disloyalty rather than frustration with incompetence.

It was a dangerous misconception that he could not afford to entertain.

“Even hypothetically, there is no plan B, I wasn't offered anything.”

Lucius' face turned sour. “Even now you are arrogant enough to turn your family away, I thought being reduced to a sobbing mess under cruciatus would have humbled you but apparently your ego is too strong.”

He already had a bitter reply ready that was postponed in favour of confusion as Lucius walked into the middle of the room, waved his wand and lifted the carpet and part of the floor to reveal a secret compartment.

Regulus had grown to hate secret compartments.

He took out a small book, nothing impressive, black and boring like the ones Regulus used to write his compromises on before deciding he didn't want physical evidence.

“You haven't been in the best relationships with the Dark Lord, but I am.” Does this man ever stop talking? ” an agreement would be mutually beneficial, since that's the only thing you care about.”

Regulus got closer but immediately had to take a step back from the sudden wave of dark energy that hit him. Not ever in all his years of living in Grimmauld Place had he felt something so strong, the small diary was the most cursed thing he ever laid eyes upon.

“What's that? What does it do?” 

“I don't know but the Dark Lord charged me to keep it safe,” Lucius gloated, revealing in the way Regulus' face lost colour,” a very important item of his collection.”

Regulus wasn't listening anymore, he had a sudden feeling of vertigo, his eyes couldn't leave the diary no matter how much he wanted to look away, it was whispering, hissing, it was going to push from the edge of the abyss.

His finger reached to touch the leather cover but it was pulled out of his reach before he had the chance.

“I have to go,” 

That night back at home he didn't sleep, even if he had to be up at six am to another mission, he had his own task.

After he waited in the darkness of his room until he was sure his parents were sleeping before starting.

He searched every book in the family library, especially the older ones, the darker ones, forgotten at the bottom of the shelves left to be eaten by moths for how dark they were even by the Black family standards. Once as a child he had read them out of curiosity one evening - he couldn't sleep for a week straight after that. 

He strained his eyes under the dim light of his wand until he found the word that had been whispering in the back of his mind since Evan told him the potion ingredients.

Horcrux .

He had seen it before, forgotten it - now it would be ingrained in his brain forever.

Horcruxes, also known as the darkest of magic, are dark artefacts imbued with a fragment of the creator's soul, anchoring them to the mortal realm. 

These malevolent objects defy natural laws, harbouring an immense power. They ensure a wizard's immortality at a grave cost—the fragmentation of the soul through murder.

The possessor of a horcrux will become, not immune but, more resistant to injuries. However, it's important to note that while this resistance may provide a quicker recovery, it doesn't render the individual invincible. Ultimately, the true power of a Horcrux lies not in physical invulnerability but in the preservation of the creator's essence beyond mortal limits, even in the face of mortal peril.

If the body is damaged beyond salvation the horcrux will keep the spirit tethered to the mortal world, while the physical body perishes, the spirit is left in a state of disembodiment. Not much is known about the spectral state but it is confirmed possible for, through dark arts, the person to be brought back.

For those who dare to seek them, Horcruxes offer power beyond reckoning, yet ensnare the seeker in a web of darkness from which few emerge unscathed.

The text was followed by such a detailed step by step explanation on how to make one that Regulus had to fight the urge to vomit.

Cold sweet covered his body while his heartbeat escalated. 

He had patted him on the head, the same man that created such an abominable thing had patted him on the head, smiled at him, praised him. 

For the first time he realised he had played with powers way above his understanding. 

He ran to the front door then stopped because what was he doing running barefoot outside? He went into his room, back into the front door, the library again, reread the book, splashed water on his face, paced around the living room like a prisoner waiting for execution.

There was the urgent sense that he needed to do something but he had no idea what to do - time didn't make things more clear, only worsened the pressure in his chest.

  I can kill him . 

Without the horcruxes he would be weaker than a normal wizard, a fragment of a person shattered and mutilated by his own hand.

He could stop it, he could stop the war. 

It would mean losing everything, all power he had struggled so hard to gatter would be thrown away. There was no way to predict what would happen, failure meant death, not just a simple punishment, victory…he didn't know.

Wouldn't just another person take The Dark Lord’s place after? 

No, during the moments of chaos followed by the death of a leader Dumbledore would be able to seize the moment and destroy them before they could reorganise.

What was he thinking? One morning he was working himself to the bone to regain the Dark Lord’s favour and then at night he was planning to kill him. 

He didn't want the Dark Lord dead, or maybe he did, the man had been kind to him, he let him join young, gave him important tasks, made him feel like he was important. Also tortured him, made him tremble with fear, created such an abomination, killed thousands per day. No, it was just muggles and mudbloods, they didn't count, then why did the thought of being to blame for all their deaths left him short of breath? If he didn't do anything he would be responsible for every single tragedy, there would no longer be the excuse that they would have happened anyways.

Barty would have taken the information to the grave like a good soldier, Evan would have ran to the Order to finally get his escape. Regulus was neither of them, Regulus sat on his couch fighting the sickening feeling of panic.

“What are you doing passing around the house at this hour?” He heard his mother whisper from up the stairs.

It reminded him of when Sirius had been captured and he found her sitting in the exact same position he was now, with probably just as confusing thoughts in her head, except that she wouldn't comfort him the same way he had done for her.

“That must have been Kreacher, I have just been sitting here,” he lied.

Her expression didn't turn into annoyance to the elf like he had expected, instead it took on a very deep frown. “You sure that you weren't looking for anything?”

“No, what would I be looking for?”

She raised the hand she had been keeping on the pocket of her silk robe, revealing the mirror Sirius had given him like it was incriminating evidence of Regulus' crime he hadn't yet committed.

“I wasn't looking for that.”

“Liar, you are shaking like a dried leaf.” She had that determined expression on her, nothing he could say would make her change her mind.

The mirror had completely slipped from his mind over the days.

It was the answer. He needed it. He needed it.

“Mother, please, give that to me.”

The slap that followed would have hurt less had he not slipped on the rug and hit his cheek on the low table.

“How could you?” She wavered above him, a punishing God.” Do you even care about how I felt when you were gone? Just for you to come back and the Dark Lord to handle me this, telling me to keep you on line! You! Oh, I heard him, his voice calling your name through the glass, every day. I thought you were better but I gave you the world and you spat on my face like him!”

He was so selfish, so disgustingly awfully selfish. And he wouldn't change, not yet.

“I tried to let it go because you went back to doing your duties like a good son but I won't have you turning the house upside down at dawn in search of this.”

“ Please. He is going to kill me, he will kill me. I'm going to die.“ He didn't know what was referring to, the excess of work? What would happen if the Dark Lord knew he knew about the horcrux? How he always feel like dying no matter what? All of them and none at the same time. “Do you want me dead?”

She slowly got down to her knees to look him in the eyes, steel meeting iron. “I never wanted nothing more than for you to be great.”

“I won't leave but I need to speak to him.” His voice was trembling, he couldn't care. “My life depends on it.”

She got up again, her gaze fixed on the family tapestry, Sirius' burned hole and Regulus intact face next to it. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of ancestors looked down at them, except the burned ones and the skulls, the disgraced and the violent deaths. She was deciding which one she would rather Regulus become.

“I stand by your side while you speak.”

Chapter Text

Sirius had been dreaming about Grimmauld Place again, he thought those times were past. After he escaped to the Potters he dreamed about those cold walls every single day, Walburga’s screams etched into his brain. It had gotten better with time, like Effie said it would, new good memories replaced the old and then with the war he had scarier nightmares to have over his cursed childhood.

It wasn't a mystery to him why the dreams were back.

He admits he had talked to the mirror more than he should. He hadn't even expected an answer, there was something just so cathartic about talking, cursing, screaming; In the very slim chance Regulus hadn't thrown it away he enjoyed the thought of ruining his sleep.

It lasted for some nights before someone picked it up. 

Not Regulus.

 Walburga.

Sirius would rather have the mirror being in the trash than in that banshee's hands so she could scream at him again to get away from her son . He shouted abuse back at her with all the dirtiest most ordinary curses he could remember while she spat slurs.

They could have stayed there forever had Remus not forced the mirror from his hands and thrown it into the corner of the room where it lay on the floor, forgotten.

His chest still burned when he remembered that, more than once he punched a pillow and went to bed with all the poisonous words he still wanted to say to her spinning on his head.

He had told James. Of course he had told James. James vindicated his anger.

When Sirius got back James had one million questions that both him and Moody forced him to be completely honest to. The only part where he had lied was omitting the crucius - if he had known that Regulus would give the mirror to that woman, it would have been the first thing he told.

James would have exploded if he knew, he already almost exploded when he learned about everything else.

Remus after making him go through a full check up with a healer and making sure he didn't have any mental or physical damage became a little less worried, and that meant still bloody worried, like everyone else. One part of Sirius liked seeing them all worked up over him, the idea that they cared when he disappeared, then he reminded himself of course they cared, they were his family, and just felt bad about making them go through all of that.

So when he was woken up from a voice coming from the corner of the room all tiredness left his mind to give place to hatred.

“It's too early for this.” Remus grabbed his wrist to stop him from getting up.” You are just going to work yourself up, go back to sleep and let her talk to herself.”

It was a reasonable thought, but he was not a reasonable man. The floor was too cold for his bare feet as he stepped on it and Remus groaned in annoyance.

“What?” He barked at the mirror, face still swollen from sleep and hair messy enough to rival James’.

It wasn't showing anything, at first he thought she must be in a dark room before he distinguished the contours of a wooden ceiling.

“ I…I needed to speak to you.”

That wasn't Walburga's voice.

Shit.

“Regretting running to your Death Eater friends, aren't we?”

Because he should. 

Bellatrix had almost broken his skull in some sick teasing and he had run to her nonetheless. He and Sirius weren't on good terms, of course they weren't but still. And after Sirius gave him a way to reach out in case things got unbearable he had gone and given it to that woman immediately.

“Sirius, this is serious-” it would be an amazing moment for a joke if he wasn't so mad-” I need to speak with Dumbledore.”

“What for?”

“I can't say but I really do, I-”

He stopped in the mid sentence for some reason. 

Sirius hadn't noticed Remus getting off of bed and standing by his side until he whispered,” who is he talking to?”

“No one,” Sirius whispered back, after that he started hearing more carefully until his ear finally caught up on another voice coming from the mirror, speaking with Regulus so low that he couldn't understand the words. “Someone.”

“Are you alone?”

A pause. “Yes.” 

So he wasn't.

“Let me see your face.” There was something shady there.

When the vision turned from the ceiling to Regulus' face he had to take a deep breath. It was hard to see much but not even the darkness could disguise the nasty bruise on his cheek, it was swollen, red, the skin at the point of impact scraped and bleeding a little. Somehow from all the possible causes of the wounds Sirius knew immediately who was to blame.

The same person that was monitoring the conversation.

“Tell that bitch that there is no need to hide in the shadows.”

The reaction was immediate. “How dare you?!”

If they had been face to face hexes, jinxes and curses would be flowing freely, since they couldn't they limited themselves to a very colourful language. Once she got a glimpse of Remus and decided to call him a “filthy half blood” all reason was lost.

Walburga had stolen the mirror from Regulus so her ugly mug could be on full display, Regulus' pleas for her to give it back were lost on the noise, just like Remus’. He had never been a child she could bully into obeying and he had not grown into a man she could disrespect however she liked.

Remus said he didn't care but Sirius did, and Sirius knew he would fight tooth and nail anyone who dared to call Remus that, even if it was his ex family - especially if it was his ex family.

“Mum please!” 

Sirius didn't like the way Regulus' voice cracked.

Walburga apparently also didn't, it was enough to silence her and the mirror to be carefully slipped back into Regulus fingers.

“Just be quick, I can't stand to look at his face for much longer.” She couldn't resist making a last jab.

Remus put a hand on his shoulder to steady him but it wasn't needed, he wasn't going to rise to the bait again, insults against him weren't the problem.

“I need to speak to Dumbledore,” Regulus repeated.

“You already said that, for what?”

As much as he wanted to trust, it wasn't something one could do in war. Regulus had shown where his loyalties lied and even if he wasn't to blame he still had half his face purple and someone by his side listening to everything, none of that inspired much confidence.

Regulus looked at Walburga again, Sirius wanted so badly to tell her to piss off and let them speak for once.

“I found out something, something important.” 

Sirius waited to be sure he wasn't going to add anything. “Something you want to share with people on the opposite side?”

“Yes. I ne-”

“You are not going to meet with that lunatic,” Walburga interrupted.

Regulus ignored her, for the first time in his life he ignored her and kept his wide panicking eyes on Sirius. “It's important, more important than anything else, it can end the war.”

It was a trap, it could only be a trap. Still Regulus hadn't looked at him like that in years, with so much hope that Sirius would help, solve whatever mess he got himself into like a white knight. For one second the boy in front of him was no killer, but a nine year old with stars in his eyes asking Sirius to tell him everything about hogwarts.

“Go to Hogsmead, I will pick you up there.”

“No, you will not. Regulus, I entertained your nonsense but I won't let you run off with blood traitors.” Sirius clenched his jaw. The image started to shake.” Give me that back, whatever you have done we don't need help from the likes of hi-”

“Shut up!” 

It was so sudden Sirius couldn't process it at first. 

Regulus, little perfect little Reggie, had just screamed at their mother. 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” His voice grew higher and more panicking each time. “What don't you understand?! I can die, we can all die! This is the only way!” 

Sirius wouldn't be surprised if the intact half of Regulus' face was about to receive the same treatment the other had.

Walburga fell into a stunned silence. “You don't scream at me like that.”

“I'm not screaming,” Regulus let out a screech that was half a cry,” but I told you, if he finds out I-”

“I told you to not scream!” Walburga shrieked.

“I'm not!”

That brought back memories, Sirius was sure that at some point he had many very similar conversations with her, except the part about everyone dying.

“Maybe we can talk this out?” Remus, bless and curse him, intervened.

If only Walburga didn't look at him with so much disgust. “I have nothing to say to someone like you.”

There it was again.

“Trust me I also don't enjoy speaking to you, but this sounds important.”

“It is!” Regulus chimed in, not even when they had curses thrown at them did he look so hectic.

“If the situation is really life or death wouldn't it be better to let him have his chat with Dumbledore? It's not like he is asking for you to become a defender of muggle rights and donate all your money to the poor, just a small talk, how much harm can it do? Don't you trust your son?”

The look she sent Remus became even more poisonous, her face twisted like she was sucking on a lemon with all the offensive words that were ready to leave her mouth at any second. “I trust my son,” she punctuated every word,” it's the only one I have.”

There were some more muffled sounds that Sirius couldn't decipher as the mirror went black

There was no definite answer, he hadn't even been able to process everything that had happened.

“He wants to see Dumbledore. He has something on You-Know-Who. He screamed at her” Sirius turned to Remus for him to understand the sheer magnitude of the act .”He screamed at her.”

It was so out of character, it went completely against the idea of a soft in the head hateful child that didn't know anything despite following blindly that Sirius had cemented it in his head. That child would rather die than speak back to his mother.

Sirius was talking more to himself than anything else, to convince himself he had heard right, but Remus still replied,” he did.”

“Do you think this is a trap?” The doubt hit him.

“If it is, they are bloody good actors…do you want to take the risk?”

He did.

Something inside of him told him it had all been true.

Regulus had really found out something important, something that according to him could make a difference.

The first thing he did while Remus got dressed was send a patronus to Dumbledore and then one to James, he couldnt and wouldnt go through whatever happened alone. Dumbledore's answer was affirmative, James less and more very concerned, not without reason, but he would be coming with Lily; he also suggested calling Peter but that would be too many people, if Sirius still knew anything about Regulus was that the more people Sirius brought the more defensive he would become.

It was probably too late for them, it had been too late for them since the hat shouted Slytherin when meeting Regulus head, maybe it had been to late since they were born with that awful last name, the crucios had been only the final touch, you had to really, truly hate someone to be able to want them in so much pain, a pain one could only wish to their worst enemy.

Still if Regulus wanted to turn his life around Sirius' wouldn't be the one to stop him 

If he wanted a life away from what he was born to do Sirius couldn't see any universe where he would be able to force himself to turn his back on him, it was something he couldn't explain - they weren't brothers, they weren't friends, they weren't even friendly, but Sirius wasn't ready to give up on him, he had tought he was but he wasn't .

Chapter Text

“Are you happy? You made us give a sad spectacle.” Her voice was so cold, it didn't even have the same fire it had when she screamed at Sirius.” What is all this about?”

If he could he would have died right there. He wasn't like Sirius; he didn't want to shame her, he was supposed to be the good son.

“I can't say, it's safer this way.” 

The only thing worse than dying because of what he knew would be taking his family with him.

“Regulus, what have you got yourself into?”

In what you signed me up for.

Resentment was something he was used to, he resentment his parents, he resented his friends, he resented himself, he resented the world; the emotional peaks of a teenager who still didn't know how to control himself, like his mother would put it, but, even if he would never dare to tell her, out of everyone he resented her the most, if only he didn't loved her too much to do anything about it.

There were so many emotions in her face, rage, sadness, fear, care, disgust, love; as if she wasn't sure if she wanted to slap him again or hug him. The slap would be more deserved with the risk he was about to take.

He wasn't doing it just because he was selfish, he was still awful but he was also thinking of her by talking with the other side. The Dark Lord would kill him if he even dreamed someone knew his secret, that would make her lose both her sons, it would crush her, so in a way he was protecting her.

“You are a Black, don't forget it, act as such.“ She gave him a long, heavy look.“ Go before I regret this.”

He stood up and ran to the stair to get as far away as possible before she did start to regret but guilt stopped him. “ I would never leave you, Dumbledore is just a safety blanket if things go wrong. I promise. I love you.”

She took so long to answer that he thought she hadn't heard. “I love you too.”

Only because of Kreacher gasping at him in shock did he not go to Hogsmead in his pyjamas with the bruise still on his face. He was not that great at healing but he thought he did a decent job, the swelling decreased, it was still purple-ish and sore but it was good enough. Same could be said for his clothes, no fancy robes, only something thick and comfortable to keep him warm and miss matched shocks that he didn't bother to find the right pair.

It didn't matter. Nothing of that mattered. Nothing besides the black diary Lucius had hidden and the knowledge that he was able to bring an end to the war.

Another swing from the potions to not allow him to break down in pain in the middle of the meeting and he was good to go.

The humility of the night covered him like a second skin. Hogsmeade was a vision to be seen, the merry little village so deserted with nothing but the street lamps and the luminous silhouette of Hogwarts in the distance was an eerie vision.

Four blurred figures stood in the main street, two leaning against a wall. Those were three more than Regulus had been expecting, only two if accepting that Lupin would probably be there.

His heart beated strongly on his chest like it did before a mission, like it did constantly lately. He should see it, it could be arrhythmia. 

The alley where he was suddenly became much more welcoming when he recognised Potter and Evans. Lupin was one thing, he had been there during the talk and even had helped, but what was the need to bring fucking Potter along and someone Regulus had never even spoke to?!

“Are you sure he is coming?” Evans yawned.

“Maybe.” Sirius leaned more against the wall until it looked like the only reason he hadn't slipped and fallen was because gravity was feeling kind.” She might not have let him leave the house.”

They went silent, it would have been the perfect moment to reveal himself, it would be so awkward though. What's wrong with me? I have vital information and I'm worried about things being awkward. Still Potter was there and the conversation in the mirror had been very embarrassing in hindsight and Potter was there.

So he allowed himself three minutes of psychological preparation for what was to come or until he didn't feel like curling into a ball on the ground anymore.

“It could be worse.” Potter looked around, his hair even worse than usual.” I don't see an army of Death Eaters so with luck we only got stood up.``

“You sure know a lot about that,” Lupin commented.

“Hey! My beautiful wife, that is right here, has never let me stood up. Isn't that right, love of my life who I married?”

They had married? Maybe she lost a bet. A very cruel one.

“I didn't but don't you remember Ruby Mills, my husband?” The sarcasm could be heard dripping from Evans’ voice. “You wanted her to be your valentine and she left you waiting at Madam Puddifoot's.”

“That was in third year, how do you still remember that?”

“I have an amazing memory when it comes to making fun of you.”

The exchange of friendly banter continued, Sirius was the only one that didn't join. They were too far away for Regulus to see his face clearly but it wasn't hard to assume he wasn't smiling at any of the jokes. Potter after a while acknowledged that, wrapping his arm around Sirius in a way that made Regulus clench his teeth.

Sirius whispered something, in such a small voice so unlike him, that Regulus couldn't hear.

“I know, mate, let's just keep our wands up in case this is really a trap.”

“You don't understand, the way he spoke to her and then he-”

Regulus squinted to try to get a better look at the way Sirius waved his hands in a great show of dramatics.

“I do understand.” He absolutely did not.” With everything going on, it would be nice to get good news for once, but you can't expect anything from these types of people. He didn't do you any favour when you were captured, or ever before.”

That stupid idiot that didn't understand anything, did he expect Regulus to go “you have been captured? That sucks, let me just free you, it's not like I will get myself killed or anything.” as if it was nothing? If Sirius hadn't messed up everything Regulus would have got that paralysing and shipped him off to Chile.

No, for Potter everything was so easy.

Potter got everything he could dream of, everybody loved him, he could do no wrong.

“And the little shit is weird, you have to agree, kinda sinister. If he doesn't show up we won't lose much either,” Potter finished his elegant argument that absolutely didn't sound like it came from the mouth of a thirteen-year-old.

“Very mature, James, very mature.”

“Come on, Lils, you have to agree. He is odd, more than most Dark wizards at least.”

“Still not the best moment to point that out.”

He hated them so much, all of them, for him they could all die.

Calling Sirius had been a bad idea, he should have done things on his own like always.

He was going to leave.

The second he moved to turn around he accidentally bumped into a trash can. No, no problem, it barely made any noise, no one could have heard. 

Just as he finished the thought, Lupin’s head turned exactly to the corner he had been hidding in. The man's legs were too big, just with four large steps he was standing over Regulus before he got a chance to apparate.

“Spying is ugly,” Lupin looked him up and down.

What kind of superhuman audition did he have? It had barely made any noise!

“You have been here all along?” Sirius sounded more indignate than he had the right to. “Bloody hell, what's wrong with you?”

Many many things. Sirius and his friends were on the list.

“I’m not spying, I just arrived.” The denial sounded weak even in his own ears. 

Sirius scoffed,” yeah, sure, and I am the reincarnation of Merlin.”

“The conversation was so interesting that I wanted to let you all finish.” If he couldn't defend himself then it was better to go on the attack. “What are they doing here?” He pointed with his head to Potter and Evans.

“I asked them to come, you couldn't expect me to walk into a potential trap alone, I don't fancy repeating last time.”

Out of all the people he had to bring Potter, of all his one million friends he had to choose exactly him. Evans was fine, he didn't know her enough to care about her, he still didn't like her, let that be clear, but at least he didn't feel his chest burn every time he looked at her.

“I don't have time for this, will you take me to Dumbledore or not?”

The panic fought the rage, there were too many emotions inside of him at once, he was going to explode soon.

“Are you going to tell me what for?”

“No.”

They faced each other like they did when they were little and had staring contests at boring family gatherings.

“Regulus, you tortured me, kept me prisoner, pointed a knife at me when I tried to help and then called me at four in the morning with half of your face purple, looking like you haven't slept in weeks, asking for help .” When he put it like that it sounded bad.``So I think I deserve an explanation, don't you?”

It sounded very bad, the other three looking at him from the background like he was the devil himself also didn't help. They didn't know the whole story, maybe the whole story would only make him look worse, for sure Potter and Evans weren't feeling an ounce of regret about what he overheard them saying, Potter would have been louder and meaner if had known Regulus was listening.

“I'm not keeping secret to be petty. This wasn't planned, I didn't even know mother had the mirror, I thought it was lost.” He sounded like a child trying to plead with their professor why they didnt do homework. The tone had to change, he wasn't going anywhere with all the justifications” I found out something very important, something that can change the war, and I want to tell the person you are fighting for, isn't that enough? If you don't want to take me I can go on my own, no one forced you to come.”

Sirius rubbed his temples. “Did you bring the knife?”

“Yes.”

“Blimey! Your shocks don't even match but that bloody thing you remember.” Regulus had truly thought they wouldn't notice.” On my hand, wand too, I know you must have got a new one.”

“Will you give them back?”

“If I'm feeling kind.”

Polishing Sirius' shoes would have been less demeaning, especially with an audience of people he hated watching as he threw both things with more violence than needed into Sirius chest, the dagger was thrown with the sheat, he wasn't trying to kill anyone, yet.

“Feisty,” Potter whistled.

They walked silently in the direction of Hogwarts, it was still far and they were walking much too slowly to Regulus' taste to the point that after some minutes he had a good distance on them, they were whispering something to each others that he didn't care to hear anymore, probably just more about how odd he was, planning on what he was going to say to Dumbledore and trying to cool down was more productive, in that state he was more likely to grab the headmaster by the neck than manage a polite negotiation.

The walk was somehow worse than the one alone in the woods with only Sirius.

“Ah, Hogwarts, I missed this place,” Potter said once they reached the large castle doors. A feeling Regulus didn't share.

He couldn't believe he would have to step foot inside that hell hole again.

Inside it was completely silent, it was long past curfew and too late for the usual students that wanted to stay out for one more hour or two. The only problem would be avoiding prefects doing their rounds and Filch, the students were a bigger issue, if one of them saw five random adults walking through the halls the whole school would know, even worse if it was an older student that remembered them.

“We should have brought Wormy along,” Evans commented while Lupin peeked to see if the coast was clear.

What even is a Wormy ?

“The map would be better, pity that Filch took it from us,” Potter added.

“What map?”he asked with more aggressiveness than needed.

“Something we created for fun,” Sirius shrugged like it wasn't a big deal,” it shows the location of everyone at Hogwarts so we know where everybody is.”

“Like perverts?”

Lupin disguised a laugh with a cough.

“No, not like perverts,” Potter acted scandalised,” for pranks and such.”

The idea of them looking up his name on the map, knowing where he was at all time, waiting for him alone, made his body go cold. It forced him to question how many unpleasant encounters had been accidental or planned.

Being back at the scene of the crime didn't help, being alone at Hogwarts with Sirius and Potter was one of his worst nightmares, even with an actual war going on.

“Then like psychopaths.”

“You are the last person that can go around calling others a psychopath.”

“None of you knows what psychopath means,” Evans chimed in.

Regulus rolled his eyes,” Hanging people in the air by their ankles and hexing them sounds very psychopath-like to me.”

“Which one of us joined a terrorist cult?”

“Kill yourself.”

“Shush!” Lupin whispered.

Regulus was more than ready to tell him to go to some less than pleasant places but then he heard the footsteps. They scrambled to hide, the corridor was too long for them to flee to another before the person appeared so Sirius and Lupin went behind a tapestry, Potter and Evans a set of armors and Regulus couldn't think of anything else besides squeezing himself into a cramped alcove, praying it would be enough to shield him from view and they wouldn't need to obliviate a random student.

“- true, half the Ravenclaws left, Griffindors hex anyone that looks at them funny and the Slytherins either don't stop talking about You Know Who or look like they will have a nervous breakdown at any second - our house is still the most normal one.”

“Did you see Travers today? I read on the Prophet that her brother got arrested.”

“Oh fuck, I saw her crying but I didnt know it was because of that.”

The two girls kept walking, too distracted by their own talking to notice any student or ex-student hiding. 

Travers was on the sacred twenty eight, Regulus knew about his existence only because of his little sister that recently joined, still at Hogwarts like Regulus had. After the Dark Lord saw that letting him join so young work proved profitable he lowered the recruitment age, Regulus had been the case of study. With some luck the girl wouldn't have the same fate as her brother.

A massive statue of the ugliest gargoyle Regilus had ever seen guarded the headmaster’s office. Regulus had never been enough of a troublemaker to get sent there but once he and Evan waited for Barty to leave after he got in problems for cursing too many mudbloods, warever talk Dumbledore had with him apparently didn't have any effect. Sirius and his crew must have been sent there at least once a month.

“Pear drops,” Sirius exclaimed.

The gargoyle spun around itself until it disappeared and gave way to spiral stone stairs so steep that Regulus was sure someone must have fallen and broken their neck at least once. As soon as he set foot on them a wave of hot air fell on him, the old man must have put a warming spell on, it was pleasant.

Became less pleasant when the four muppets started to follow suit.

“You are not coming.” Regulus turned around.

“Of course we are,” Sirius protested.

That made him unreasonably angry for reasons he hadn't enough self awareness to understand. “No, you aren't. You did what I asked so thank you very much but Dumbledore doesn't need your protection, you already got my wand so let me be.”

“Stop being a little bitch,” Sirius answered back,” you were the one that asked for me to come.”

“I asked for you, not for the scar face, the clown and the-”

“If your next word is what I think it will be, I'm going to throw you down the stairs,” Evans interrupted him.

Cow . The world he was about to use was “cow”, but with the challenge in the air he couldn't back down. “I would like to see you try, mudblood.”

The reaction was immediate both from her and Potter, Sirius also looked ready but wasn't fast enough, only by quicken reflexes did he avoid the two matching spells aimed at his head. He started to go up the stairs without giving them time to cast another, maybe running was a cowards move to a fight he started but he didn't have his wand and it was one against three so it wouldn't have been a fair one anyways, once he reached the wooden door he waited to be sure he wasn't followed…he wasn't.

Two knocks.

He wasn't going to burst inside, he needed to at least try to pass the image that he was calm and knew what to do and wasn't about to get his ass kicked when he came down again. Act the same way he did in front of the Dark Lord, that usually worked.

The door was small enough that someone like Lupin would have to lower their head to get in, Regulus didn't have that problem but Dumbledore must. It had been built for people from a millennium ago, in Merlin's time the walls were already there, it was comforting and crushing at the same time.

His thoughts about the passage of time were interrupted by Dumbledore's voice telling him to come in.

The interior was completely different from the tiny staircase, what was previously almost claustrophobic was replaced by a space so large that it could be divided into three separate offices and they would all still be spacious. Despite the large space, all corners were filled with gadgets, trinkets, gizmos, baubles, doodads, in short the most bizarre and random objects that the human mind could come up with.

Dumbledore was sitting on a desk also full of sheets of parchment and small oddities. “Good night, Regulus, you must forgive me for the mess. I wasn't expecting company but please take a seat,” Dumbledore smiled,” tea? A sweet?”

Both of them would be appreciated but he didn't trust enough that they wouldn't be laced with veritaserum, or, in lack of it, some other potion

“No, thanks, professor,” he said as he sat down.

Was he supposed to still be calling Dumbledore professor? He wasn't a student anymore but only Dumbledore sounded weird, and he was still technically Hogwarts age, maybe not calling him professor would make him sound more mature, or just disrespectful, not that he had much respect but still.

“Usually I'm asleep by now, I'm an old man after all, but luckily I was working until late on some paperwork and saw Sirius’ message.” Dumbledore didn't sound offended by the refusal, he took a candy for himself and kept speaking in the same cherry-tone.

He had planned every step, every word until he got to the point he wanted. The revelation about horcruxes would always happen but the thing that influenced more was what happened before, the path he took to get there, like asking someone in marriage after five years of a sweet relationship or after a murder attempt, same situation, the background changed everything.

“I hope it didn't bother, professor, I didn't know how to get in touch other than through Sirius and he usually isn't the most sensible in these subjects.”  

Better to keep the professor thing.

“Didn't bother at all, I'm always happy to reunite with an old student. I remember you graduated very early, your parents asked for you to take your final exams in sixth year, which is not something I usually recommend but you achieved fantastic results considering the circumstances.”

A whole year cramming like a madman subjects he hadn't even been teached yet, it made him want to rip his hair out more than once but in the end it was worth it, he probably would have achieved better results if he had stayed and was now studying but duty needed him. 

He was also sure that Dumbledore didn't remember the grades of all his hundreds of ex-students so he probably looked into Regulus’ file before the meeting.

“Thank you, I was very proud of myself.”

“But that leaves the answer of why you decided to graduate so early, doesn't it?”

Now Dumbledore was getting to the point.

“I had commitments,” Regulus responded tactically,” and in a way they are the reason I'm here now.”

Dumbledore leaned forwards in interest. “You are awfully young to have that sort of commitments, if they are what I'm thinking.” 

Fucking hypocrite, if Regulus was one year older and a gryffindor he would be getting an invitation to join to order.

“You would be surprised with how many people younger than me have the same commitments, professor.”

“I won't, it's an unfortunate reality that I'm well aware of.” There was something close to pity in Dumbledore’s voice.” So why have you been sent to me? I would rather not be threatened today, it's bad for my blood pressure.”

Regulus forced himself to keep his eyes on Dumbledore's blue ones, in a way they were more youthful than Regulus´. “I think there was a misunderstanding, I'm here because of something related to my commitment but I wasn't sent by anyone.”

The only one the Dark Lord fears, it was a title that didn't combine with the frail old man sitting in front of Regulus but appearances were deceiving, he didn't have a doubt his life was one the line, just like it was every time he got in front of the Dark Lord.

“Well, that changes things. If no one sent you then I'm assuming no one knows where you are, that you weren't supposed to be speaking to me.” He felt itching inside his head, like something was trying to touch his brain. Legilimens. Dumbledore's eyes grew hard for a millisecond when Regulus raised walls on his mind before the headmaster got inside, he had no doubt that if he wanted the man would be able to bring them down, but they stayed up. “Let's please be frank with each other. Why are you here, Regulus?”

“Do you know what an horcrux is, professor?”

The walls came down at once, the invisible hand on his mind didn't waste a second in its search, Regulus wouldn't have been able to stop it if he tried so he didn't, instead he guided it to the right place. Dumbledore wasn't as ruthless inside his mind as the Dark Lord was, he wouldn't leave until he finded what he wanted but he also didn't kick memories around and stuck stings in his skull, his search seemed to be done with the minimal care to not cause unnecessary pain. Regulus showed himself finding what an horcrux was, trying to keep the headmaster from the diary itself, Dumbledore thankfully stayed on the perimeter Regulus had made for him, he analysed everything, every emotion, felling, thought, but only from the discovery until Regulus called Sirius.

Some people would call legilimency invasive, and they would be one hundred percent right. 

He wanted to scratch inside his brain and force the invasive presence out, his instincts were begging him to at least try, but it would do any good in the long run, and he was afraid that if he tried Dumbledore would stop being careful.

Only after reviewing all the smallest details did Dumbledore leave his mind alone, his thoughts took some seconds to go back to the right place like a river meandering back to its natural course after being diverted by rocks.

“What you have shown me is very concerning.” As if he had shown it freely.” Are you absolutely sure that Voldemort has a horcrux?”

Regulus shivered at the name of his master. “Yes, and I can bring it to you, I even have a way to destroy it, a weapon with basilisk venom.”

It had been an amazing coincidence, and very amusing to think that a gift from Bellatrix would be used for such purposes.

“I only have a few conditions.”

Dumbledore didn't seem to like that. “Such as?”

That was the momento. “ First, protection after the war, both for me, my parents and two friends of mine if we get prosecuted.”

Dumbledore nodded. “ It's a sensible condition, if you bring me the horcrux I will testify in your favour, may I just know who those friends are?”

“I would rather not say.” 

He wasn't about to hand out Barty and Evan’s names to Dumbledore, the man hadn't done anything yet to prove himself trustworthy, for all Regulus knew he could go find the horcrux on his own and call the aurors, Regulus truly hoped he wouldn't do that.

“Second, one of those friends wants to leave.” There was no explanation needed to leave from where.” I would like a safe house to be provided for them.”

“It's complicated to provide protection for someone I'm not allowed to know.” That sounded weirdly condescending.

Doubt hit him, if he told Evan’s name would he be sending his friend to Azkaban or doing him a favour? It would be impossible to keep Evan’s identity secret and also send him to a safe house, that if Evan wanted, Regulus hadn't really asked him, he could not want but then Regulus would already have told his name and made a bloody mess and-

“Evan Rosier,” he said before his thoughts got too wild. 

Dumbledore not answering right away only made his stress levels reach a new cumulus. He could have just made the mistake of his life, the one that would ruin him forever.

“Very well.” Dumbledore smiled.” If there are no more conditions, that sounds manageable, bring me the horcrux as soon as possible and then I will provide your friend protection, is that good for you?”

“Yes!” He cleared his throat, that had sounded too eager.” Yes, sounds good, how do I enter in contact when I have it?”

It was too good to be true, too easy, just like that he had solved all his problems in less than five minutes.

“I'm sure Sirius or Mister Potter or Evans or Lupin downstairs can bring you in again, you must understand that I need to be careful with sharing the password to my office, there are all kinds of dangerous people out there.”

As he went down the stairs with a pear drop in his hand, that Dumbledore had made him grab, his mind worked frantically, there must have been something that he missed, it had been so simple, Dumbledore didn't even mentioned that Regulus himself had committed crimes, the word Death Eater wasn't spoken once, it was so easy, all his conditions accepted instantly.

Regulus had a mission the same night where he was supposed to murder a businessman in his sleep, and Dumbledore didn't bother with it even if it had been one of the thoughts that he saw. 

Maybe he was paranoid, maybe things were really dodgy, maybe he would give the horcrux and be arrested on the spot, maybe he had saved so many people.

The four of them cornered him once he stepped out from behind the gargoyle. His explosion from early hadn't been very timely. “I'm going to need a ride again.”

If they were still students Regulus had no doubts that he would be getting thrown into the lake only with his underwear on and all other things that the sadic minds of the people in front of him could conjure.

“Not from me,” Sirius replied, a feeling shared by the others.

“Dumbledore said one of you would do it. I don't think you have much choice.”

Yes he would be getting completely destroyed, better to go back home before the pretences of maturity expired, only Lupin didn't seem on his last string.

“See you next week,” he smiled as he left the four of them, sending him poisonous looks. “ I almost forgot, Sirius, I need my things back.”

The dagger was thrown at him without the sheat.

Chapter Text

The assassination took more time than expected, Regulus had gone straight to it after seeing Dumbledore and still it took him five hours to get the job done, a mix of lack of sleep and pure bad luck.

The house was not as big as Grimmauld Place but more open, an extremely large garden with many windows that Regulus could use to get in. Once inside, the protection spells, that truth to be told were very weak, an amateur job, vanished in a matter of seconds so he could make his way to the master chambers.

The target and his wife slept in separate rooms, at first it had sounded great, would only make things easier, he had been wrong. The man's marital problems forced him to spend an hour in a hallway closet while the wife screamed after finding him with a mistress, or the twentieth lover as she had shouted.

The girl the man had slept with ran from the room stuttering apologies about how she didn't know he was married but the couple was too inside the fight to notice her, and her to notice Regulus. In a weird and twisted way they reminded him of his own parents.

If he had taken out both of them at once things would have been easier but he didn't want unnecessary victims and it was supposed to look like an accident.

He ended up falling asleep inside the closet, he dreamed of his mother screaming at Dumbledore for cheating and then Evan came through a window and gave them couple therapy that turned into family therapy when Sirius materialised in the room, that looked suspiciously like an Hogwarts classroom, the dream ended with the Dark Lord joining the session before killing them all with a giant single Avada Kedavra.

When he woke up the fight was over, four hours had passed, the couple was nowhere to be seen, and he had drooled.

After searching the house, again, he found the man, thankfully alone, in his study and was able to Imperio him into jumping out of the window, a suicide due to guilt of the cheating sounded appropriate.

“What took you so long?” His mother didn't give him a second to rest once he stepped foot inside the house. “I was so worried that I couldn't sleep.”

She did look like she hadn't closed her eyes since he left to see Dumbledore, but he had been pulling all-nighters for one month straight so he wasn't the best person to show empathy.

“I had a mission,” he yawned,” Dumbledore was nice, it's all taken care of, don't worry.”

“Not a day goes by without me worrying.”

She had looked very relaxed when she took him to get marked.

“What did you talk about?”

“I can't say, I made an unbreakable vow that I would keep it secret until the right time,” he lied shamelessly.

Her face went pale. “But that story about dying and the Dark Lord killing you is over? We don't need to worry about that anymore?”

“It is, the Dark Lord won't do anything to us. I solved it.”

She sighed with relief, he should have been more delicate when pleading with her to call Sirius, it truly must have been awful to her seeing him talk about his own death like that. For all her flaws he had no doubt that she would have packed her bags and left the country in a heartbeat if he was in mortal danger. Or more mortal danger than the usual that she wasn't aware about.

“You didn't even heal your face,” she scolded,” you can't walk around looking like a vagrant.”

She was still mad, very mad, when she got mad she made sure it was everyone's problem, she waited for anyone to do something slightly wrong so she could rip them apart. He rarely was the culprit of her anger and he always disappeared in the background to not be the receiver. 

Sirius used to be both.

There was no more sleep for him as she and father got into another one of their arguments, after she was done massacring him over his clothes and hair and demeanour and everything about himself in general.

The topic of the week was, ironically, cheating. Regulus had no idea if the accusations were true or not, she had the habit of making up the wildest conclusions when she wanted to be angry at someone, Sirius at one point had been accused of all sins under the sun, according to her he was: dating a mudblood, stealing from her, queer, a blood traitor, on drugs, a drunk - in the end only the blood traitor one turned out to be true.

Not like his father was a saint either. His work meetings were always at very unusual hours, there were a number of reunions at one am that a man could go to before raising suspicions.

It was impossible to decide who was right without a deeper examination, that he didn't care to do. The only good part about the trainwreck his life had become was that it kept him away from the screams.

When he saw Evan the next time he wanted to cut to the chase and tell him about the deal, it was better to get it out and avoid problems later. He had put both their lives in Dumbledore's hands, he wasn't sure how Evan would react to that information. Barty was a completely different story, he couldn't even dream of what was going on.

But he needed to get the diary first before just to make sure. 

One week to get it was more than enough time, at least that's what he thought when he had combined the time with a very grumpy Sirius, after stealing the mirror from his mother.

Turns out he was awful at time management, it wasn't all his fault, he didn't choose to have a schedule so full he barely had time to eat. The task that should have been the most important of all ended up being postponed until the last moment. He decided to pull another all-nighter to get it done two days before the meeting, doing it a day before would be pushing his luck too much.

Malfoy manor had more complex defences, other people would have had a very hard time coming in, not Regulus, he was family after all, blood wards didn't apply to him, why would Narcissa want to keep her dear younger cousin out? He knew the entrances like the palm of his hand, the leaf to touch on the gates to make them open and the peacocks were used to him so they didn't make a sound, Regulus wasn't sure how effective peacocks were in home defence but Lucius made them sound like pitbulls.

He made a habit of getting into places he shouldn't but it was a nice change entering without problems through the front door like a guest.

The house inside was colder than outside, the shiny floor radiated cold as if it was made of pure ice, it made Regulus appreciate Grimmauld Place, as gloomy and it was at least the ceiling was not twenty metres and allowed a resemblance of warmth inside.

His steps echoed on the empty house until they found the rug of the living room, not even it gave the place any confort, he rubbed his hands against each other and opened the secret compartment. When Lucius had been showing him the horcrux he didn't notice any other object, now without the panic he could appreciate the miríade of dark objects, Lucius had a good collection that was for sure.

He kneeled and started to go through them, all kinds of illegal magic that could land a lad in Azkaban for years, but no diary.

He cursed to himself. Everything relied on him getting the horcrux so where was it? He would spend the whole night turning the place upside down if he needed to.

“Stop! Intruder!” A squeaky voice shouted.

Regulus turned to see a young house elf pointing a bonny finger at him.

“Dobby, it's just me.” He pulled down the hood over his face, that calmed down the elf.

“What's Master Regulus doing here?” Dobby twitched his large ears nervously.

Regulus knew the elf, better he knew the way Lucius regularly hit him with the cane, maybe there was a way they could both win. “Dobby, I need to find something Lucius has hidden, a diary. Can you help me? I will give you whatever you want in return.”

The elf looked at him with his large eyes very different from Kreacher’s permanently squinted ones. Regulus hoped he had not underestimated Dobby’s  loyalty to the Malfoys; owners always expect their elfs to be completely loyal, forgetting that it was something they had to deserve, it would leave many wizards shocked the amount of elfs willing go behind their masters back for a good meal.

“Anything?”

“Anything.” He better not ask for money, once an elf had the nerve to ask for one gazillion galleons , he had been very disappointed when Regulus told him that gazillion wasn't a real number.

“Dobby….Dobby would like to be free.”

Regulus forced the disbelief out of his face, he expected to be asked to tell Lucius to treat the elf nicer. None of the elfs he had made deals with before had been so direct, he had never considered that any of them could even want freedom, better keep those thoughts to himself, Dobby was already acting like he expected to be kicked at any second.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” The elf's already huge eyes dilated until it looked like they were going to pop out of his face. 

“Yeah, bring me the diary that Lucius has hidden and I will do it.”

The elf disappeared with a pop of apparition and was back the next second with a book, jumping nervously from one foot to the other as he handed it to Regulus.

“Master Lucius wanted to keep it safe, Master Lucius said it's very important.” There was a mix of fear and excitement in his voice.

Regulus grabbed the book only for it to be a different one, it was white and definitely not drenched in black magic, the cover wasn't even leather but a linen fabric. He opened it only to be greeted with Lucius flowery handwriting, he couldn't resist reading the first sentences, it seemed like they started when Lucius was twenty, writing about his impending marriage to Narcissa. Oh, it would be a ride.

“Dobby, this is not it.” He fought so hard not to laugh that he looked like he was having an asthma attack, it took all his professionalism to not break down.” This is good, it's great but the diary I need is black and very cursed, Lucius used to have it hidden here.”

The Dobby nodded very seriously and disappeared again. In the meantime Regulus catched the pale light of the moon through the french windows to have a good look at Lucius’ diary, he would be keeping it for sure, it could be useful and it would be definitely entertaining. Dobby got back when he was skimming through the pages trying to find his name in a context that wasn't just ‘Narcissa’s cousin’ followed by something banal.

That time the diary was the right one, but he wasn't annoyed at all that it hadn't been the first time.

“Thank you.” Regulus put it on the ground, it was so cursed that he didn't want to touch the black leather any second more than necessary. He pondered for a second which item of clothing he would least mind losing until he decided on the scarf, it was already old.

It seemed anticlimactic to just throw the scarf at the elf without further ado, he had never seen an house elf get freed but it sounded like something that should be more dramatic, more ceremonial. Slowly he lifted the scarf above the elf’s head like he was crowning him, he could have told Dobby to get on one knee but maybe it would have been too much.

When the soft fabric touched the rough skin Dobby jumped in the air like a rocket. Regulus flinched, had he killed the elf by freeing him? Was it supposed to look like he was possessed?

“Dobby is free! Dobby is free!” The elf chanted around the room. “Thank you! Thank you!”

Maybe not dying, just happy. Happy was good.

“What is Master Regulus doing?” He stopped his celebrations when he saw Regulus taking more things from Lucius' secret compartment.

“Nothing, go back to celebrating.” It wasn't like he could just take the diary, that would be too suspicious, so he also served himself with any dark object that looked interesting, some funny trinkets and went out of his way to get a pair diamond earrings that his mother always complained that should have been hers if Druella hadn't messed with grandfather's will, Druella than passed them to Narcissa and now Regulus would pass them back again, along with some more jewellery to compensate.

He let himself imagine Lucius' reaction in the morning, no horcrux, no house elf, no jewels and no explanation.

It would be beautiful.

The next day he managed to catch Evan alone in the garden, next to the rose bushes that the Rosier family must have loved so much as they filled the space with the flower, pure bloods truly liked to play jokes with their last names.

“I didn't know you were coming today,” Evan greeted him,”new mission?”

He was jumpy, he had been since Regulus found the tickets, expecting to be betrayed at any second. His smile was too tense, back too straight, the fight or flight response ready to kick in at any second.

“No, I actually wanted to speak to you.”

Evan's mouth turned into an O. “I was finishing watering the flowers but you can help if you want.”

It was a good enough excuse to stick around and the day was hot.

They threw jets of water with their wands towards the roots, Regulus was sure they were drowning most of them and killing of thirst the others. Evan should get a gardener, he couldn't afford one. Regulus wouldn't mind paying, but Evan refused to take enough money to fix the ceiling, much less monthly pay for someone to help him around. 

“Barty would cry if he knew that he missed a visit from you. Ever since you went missing with all the work he doesn't shut up about wanting you around.” Evan tried to make conversation, "The poor thing is needy.”

That made him stop on his tracks before going back to watering before Evan could notice. 

“Don't you also miss me?” He asked because it was easier than accepting the idea of being missed. 

Evan was exaggerating. Barty got along with almost everyone, he didn't need Regulus to have company, anyone could go drinking with him in his place, especially someone that actually enjoyed drinking.

“Not to that degree. We will be drinking or on a mission or doing anything and he goes ‘Regulus should be here’ at random. Give him a picture of yourself for him to hang on the wall or something, it's getting concerning.”

There were things more concerning than Barty's supposed emotional dependence.

Regulus struggled to bring the topic up, everytime he was about to open his mouth the words failed and he went back to drowning the flowers in silence. There was not a right way to say it, or if there was it escaped his mind, Sirius would be able to find the words, or Potter, he hated them so much.

“What did you want to tell me?” Evan broke him out of his mind.” You have been watering the same bush for the past five minutes.”

“I need you to hear everything before saying something, okay? I can explain.”

“I'm scared.”

He did look scared, he had reasons for that. Knowing that his life could be ruined on a wim must be stressful.

Regulus quickly casted a muffliato then told him everything, almost everything, he excluded the horcrux, Dumbledore specifically told him to keep it secret but the warning had been unnecessary, he wasn't dumb enough to go around telling everyone that immortality was possible. In his retelling there wasn't panic or doubt, it had been a calculated decision because the Dark Lord was undoubtedly going to fail. Cold, calculated, rational, like he should be but wasn't lately.

Evan's face morphed from wary to disbelief to pure astonishment.

“I'm supposed to go see him again after tomorrow. You would probably have to leave shortly after,” Regulus concluded then regretted,” only if you want to.”

“You are not right in the head, there is a screw loose in there, for Merlin’s sake!” The way he was smiling took away any insult that the words could have.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes!” Evan's arm jerked sharply sending a jet of water over them like rain, the small drops reflecting in the sunlight causing a mini rainbow. “That's amazing!”

He laughed like a maniac with his own disbelief, Regulus followed until they were out of breath like two dumb crazy happy idiots. Two wizards side-eyed them as they passed, probably wondering what they had drunk.

“I have to tell the others. Can they also go?” Evan asked, still laughing.

That made Regulus´ smile falter. “What others?”

Evan didn't see or didn't want to see the sudden discomfort. “Others that want to leave, you know? Orien, Kardin, Grengrass, Helis…”

Regulus only recognised one of those names. They couldn't go, he didn't know them, he didn't trust them, he didn't like them. Those were petty thoughts more fitting to not wanting to invite someone to a birthday party, he would look like a monster if he said them out loud. There were some real concerns with the idea so he leaned there and ignored the others. 

“I'm not sure if it's safe or if Dumbledore will agree.”

“You can at least try, right? It won't hurt.”

It would hurt a lot if any of them snitched. “Right.” He wanted to say no, he didn't know how to say no, his feelings were wrong, the concerns were not, but Evan was smiling at him with no resentment or doubts for once.

They heard a shout and turned to see Barty walking in their direction, Evan sent him the most imperceptible signal to not say anything. Regulus took off the muffliato.

“What are you two doing so close together? Are you cheating on me, love?” Barty pouted, putting a hand softly in the back of Regulus' head like a lover.

“Wasn't I your love?” Evan interrupted.

“You are both my loves.”

“If we are both your loves we can't cheat on you with each other,” Regulus added, not making a movement to take Barty's hand from his shoulder where it slipped.

“Hey, hey, calm down. This is not polygamy, I have many loves but you don't. Got it, babe?”

Evan made gagging noises like he was about to puke. “This is getting too queer even for you.”

“Like you don't enjoy it, Rosier.”

“I would like to stay out of your orgies.”

The two wizards from before would be judging them all so hard if they were still around. 

“You two only like me for my mum.” Barty rested his head on Regulus' shoulder.

Regulus took the opportunity to mess his straw coloured hair until Barty pushed him away, with a look that could rival the one of a singer in a rock band, and a frown. “She gives us biscuits, what have you ever given us?’

“Love, happiness, my charming presence.”

“I prefer the biscuits.”

Maybe Regulus had been too harsh earlier. Maybe they would tell Barty about their plans. Evan could explain things to him before leaving, he was more sensible with those things, Regulus doubted Barty would want to go but he could stay with Regulus when it came to putting down the Dark Lord. He was very loyal, almost fanatic, but so was Regulus only one month before, it wasn't like he couldn't be reasoned with. It would just be hard, not impossible. 

“Do you know what's the deal with Malfoy?” Barty kept going, unaware of the thoughts in Regulus' head,” I said hello to him today, he ignored me and kept on walking straight as if he had a dementor on his tail.”

Kings of the world while it burns . It could still be true.

Chapter Text

He and Evan spend the next day discussing details: How many people would go? Who? How likely were they to snitch? What to do if Dumbledore said no to the change of plans?

The answers were, respectively. Eleven. Many names that Regulus vaguely remembered hearing once. Not likely according to Evan, even if Regulus had his doubts. Evan would still go alone if the others couldn't.

He didn't know how much of his aversion to the idea was due to real concerns about safety or pure jealousy. He wouldn't describe himself as envious, he never cared if someone got higher grades than him, unlike some of his classmates that would start enmities over a slightly higher percentage on an assignment, he didn't felt bitter over who had the best broom, clothes, house, anything, he never cared, others being good didn't make him feel bad. 

But when it came to people it chewed him on inside. When Sirius left for his first year and came back in love with Potter, barely sparing Regulus a glance, was the first time he felt the little bug inside his head telling him that Sirius was his brother, Sirius belonged to him - he was being replaced.

The little bug had been right, that's why when he managed to become friends with Barty in the middle of first year, after some very awkward weeks of not knowing what to do with himself, he was less than thrilled when Barty one day showed up with Evan by the arm. Regulus had decided that he hated Evan, hated him with all his strength, he was only Potter number two trying to make his only friend leave him.

When it became clear that Barty wouldn't dump Evan and he was there to stay, Regulus went into another strategy. Maybe “Your school supplies are shabby and you dress like a beggar.” was an unconventional way to start a friendship but he at eleven didn't have the best social skills, he still didn't have good ones, but you couldn't expect much from a child whose only understanding of socialisation came from his mother having long talks with him as if he was a friend her age and a brother that was born knowing how to be loved.

It worked so that's all that mattered. 

He could have not been a charming child but he had been cunning since the crib. Having  friends chained by necessity was tremendously relaxing, everyone should try it.

Evan was very against telling Barty anything, he kept repeating that he would do it only after the war was over. It was Evan who was leaving so it was his choice, if he really didn't want then Regulus wouldn't cry not having that ungrateful job.

 It still felt wrong to keep it hidden, but he didn't have the best track record when it came to being honest to go around judging others.

Dumbledore told all four of them to go meet him at eleven, odd since he and Regulus had agreed at midnight.

It was only one day before the full moon, Remus tried to bravely get out of bed more than once but Sirius was always there to force him to lay down again and assure him that the world won't end if he missed it. Sirius wouldn't go if he had the choice, he wasn't surprised how things had gone last time, just disappointed. Merlin, he sounded like McGonagall.

His mood already wasn't the best, he had been on patrol all day because some bloke decided to jump out the window after being caught with a mistress, and for some unknown reason Moody decided that was related to the Death Eaters. The man was becoming more paranoid by the day, next every broken street lamp would be an evil trap.

“Ready for another round?” James was already in Hogsmeade, together with Lily, when Sirius arrived.

He couldn't give any other answer besides a grunt and a weak wave of hand before turning to Lily. “You didn't have to come. I mean, this is not your problem to deal with, after last time.”

He expected her to nod but instead she frowned as if he was the one that said something offensive. “I'm not hiding because a runt decided to insult me, Dumbledore asked me to be here so he is the one that has to deal with it.”

That was not what he meant. That was definitely not what he meant. “Not hiding, not like that. It's just that I don't want him to insult you again, you can handle yourself but you shouldn't have to.”

That seemed to please her. “I know but this sounds important, and it's not like I expected anything else.”

Sirius had, it was the saddest part.

“I'm sorry, I didn't expect him to go off like that, he was relatively normal when it was just him and me.”

“There is a big difference between me and you.” There wasn't even anger in her eyes as she spoke, just a bitter acknowledgment that the world wasn't fair. James put a comforting hand on her shoulder, it was like putting a bandaid on a severed limb but the intention was appreciated.

“If he runs his mouth again I'm going to jump on that son of a bitch,” James announced as they walked.

“Count me in,” Sirius joined.

The threat wasn't empty, the only reason James hadn't done it at first glance was because Sirius asked. James had disliked Regulus since he got those green Slytherin robes, then evolved to hatred when he didn't defend Sirius at home, only Merlin knew the visceral amount of disdain that must be there after Regulus had insulted his wife and tortured Sirius in the space of a month. Sometimes Sirius thought James felt more strongly on others behalf than his own.

“My big, brave white knights,” Lily rolled her eyes but held James hand while they advanced in the direction of the castle. “If you only had the same attitude when it came to killing spiders.”

The inside of the office was as welcome as ever, a pleasant contrast to the cold outside. When he first got sent there after setting Miss Norris' tail on fire he found it intimidating, with the time it morphed to comfort. 

Nothing could hurt them with Dumbledore around.

Except that Dumbledore's demeanour didn't bring much confort, his expression was grave like Sirius had never seen before. With the amount of atrocities that happened daily it was frightening to think what got him looking so stern.

“Thank you for coming, I'm sorry for the late hours again, hope it doesn't become a habit.” He transfigured a set of small wooden cubes into stuffed chairs for them to sit on.” I have very important information to share with you three, and Mister Lupin when he is feeling better, you must promise that what I tell you won't leave this room.”

“Of course, professor,” James was fast to speak. Sirius and Lily nodded in agreement.

“Last week Mister Black brought me disturbing news. I wish I could deny it but after closer searching, the evidence doesn't lie. Seems like Voldemort has found a kind of dark magic that I judged lost, that should have stayed lost.” Just as they were on the edge of their seats Dumbledore decided to stop for a sip of tea.” Horcruxes. The act of storing a piece of soul in an object, theoretically achieving immortality.”

Immortality .

The monster they fought was immortal. 

“Mister Black stumbled upon one of them through an amazing feat of good luck and will bring it to me today together with means to destroy it, his mistake was assuming that there is only one.”

They were nothing short of speechless. Lily was the first to regain her composure, “How many are there, professor?”

“I'm not sure, but I can say for certain either three or seven.”

Regulus hadn't been playing around when he said it was important. Sirius thought he had been referring to maybe a new weapon, some more ambitious raid. It wouldn't have crossed anyones mind such a gruesome concept.

“Then we find the others,” Sirius jumped in place,” we already have one, it's a start.”

Dumbledore smiled, it reminded Sirius of when he used to say something clever in class, admittedly it didn't happen that much, he was clever but chatting with James had always been more interesting than the lesson. “Exactly. I was thinking regular meetings between all and one of you would relate the progress to me. Mister Black´s inside knowledge has proven extremely useful but he could benefit from some guidance in this task.”

“Babysitting the deatheather,”James whispered in Sirius's ear.

He hit the nail on the head. 

To hell with guidance what Regulus really needed was for someone to shove a good dose of reality down his throat.

But how could they refuse? Dumbledore was asking personally, it was important. Hiding it from everyone wouldn't be easy especially to James, they would have to duct tape his mouth around Mary, Marlene, Dorcas and especially Peter. The fourth marauder being excluded would be to James a deadly betrayal. 

They all agreed, Remus wasn't there but his answer was obvious, he would kill himself if Dumbledore asked, all of them almost had got themselves killed more than once following commands.

Regulus was already outside pacing impatiently when they finished discussing details. Twice a week, in a space and time that they could choose as long as they were completely sure it was safe, then everything would be reported back to the headmaster. Regulus would have to suck it wherever he liked it or not.

“What took so long? I've been waiting for twenty minutes,” he complained, then took a look behind Sirius and gave a small smile apparently satisfied with something despite there being nothing there.

“It was ten, at most ,” Sirius corrected.

Regulus didn't reply, instead he tried to move past Sirius to the stairs but was stopped by Sirius' hand grabbing his collar before he could take two steps. “We have to discuss some things first.”

“What?” Regulus pushed his hands away with a small slap.

“What has got into you to call Lily that ? I mean, I know that you are completely screwed in the head and all but what was the need? What was the point? You never went around saying slurs before, is it a new habit that I wasn't aware of?”

The little demon had the nerve to look at Sirius as if he was the insane one. “She pissed me off so I insulted her, I don't get what's the big deal.”

“It isn't just an insult and you know that. People get killed because of that word, killed by people like you.” That made him shift uncomfortably, good! It should make him uncomfortable, it should make him more than that.

“It's not like I cursed her or something.” He wrapped his arms around himself defensively.”Fine, I won't say it again, don't get your knickers in a twist.”

They should be going up, Sirius only came down to let Regulus through the statue but he needed to have that talk, if Regulus and Lily and James were about to see each other frequently things would have to change.

“You don't believe in pure-blood supremacy, do you?”

Regulus snapped from looking through the foggy window, his eyes were now completely unblinkingly focused on Sirius, it was rather creepy, he could not blink for more than a human should be able to.

There was no easy answer, Sirius knew it and he was sure that Regulus also did, so he got no answer, but he wasn't ready to let go.

“Answer me,” Sirius pushed,” don't you have eyes? Don't you see that the same person you call a mudblood is better at magic than you could ever hope to be? If it was Lucius I would believe it but I never thought of you as dumb, don't insult both of us pretending that you are. 

I thought really hard about this one. You don't believe but it's convenient to believe. Why go against an ideology that puts you at the top of the food chain, that would be a bloody lot of trouble, wouldn't it?”

“You also used to say it!” Regulus shot back suddenly.

It was such a weak argument that Regulus himself cringed as if he was aware that he was only digging his grave more. 

“When I was eleven,” Sirius spoke slowly to let each word have its punch,” but you are not a child. I learned to be better, you could also have if you had wanted to, instead of following orders like a good puppy.”

Regulus' face turned sour. “It's not that simple… Why are you preaching to me now? it's done, move on.”

Because most of the things he spent years believing were being shaken in a way he didn't like at all, his view of the man in front of him was shifting - he just wasn't sure in which direction. “Because you came to Dumbledore with a horcrux, I need to know where you stand in this.”

All colour drained from Regulus' face. “He told you.” It wasn't a question but Sirius took it as one.

“Yeah, so why did you do it? You got scared? A burst of conscience?”

At the mention of being scared Regulus stiffened. “No one that makes a horcrux is stable enough to be a leader, the Dark Lord will fail, it's only a matter of time, and I want to be on the winning side.” 

“Is that it?” Sirius tried to hide the hint of disappointment in his voice.

“Yes.”

Regulus clenched his teeth as he and Sirius went up the stairs. The conversation had made him feel even more nervous about asking Dumbledore for more people in the safe house. For Sirius to know about the horcrux something had gone very wrong.

His certainty was amplified when he saw Evans and Potter, all chatting stopped when Regulus stepped into the office. He had at least hoped that this time it would only be him and Sirius. 

Sirius went to sit in the empty chair next to the others. There were only three.

Regulus still waited for a moment in the hope that a fourth one for him would appear but it didn't, so he tried to avoid standing awkwardly by placing the diary on the table. He had kept it in his mother's old handbag to avoid at least a smidge of the Dark energy.

“The horcrux is this ugly thing?” Potter raised an eyebrow.

Why in the name of Merlin did he also know about horcruxes?!

“It's inside of it,” Regulus answered. 

You bloody idiot , he would have liked to add.

Dumbledore pointed his wand at it, a small jet of ink rose and fell from a page like a tentacle, knocking over a glass of lemon tea on the table that left a stack of papers soaked, hopefully very important documents. “There goes my drink,” Dumbledore said calmly but was betrayed by worry wrinkles between his eyebrows.

“Can we destroy it now, professor?” Regulus asked impatiently, his hand already clutching around the handle in anticipation.

“I'm afraid no,” Dumbledore didn't move his eyes from the horcrux to give his answer,”tell me, Regulus, what made you think there was only one?”

Because more would be madness. Because one was already a crime against nature. Because it was impossible. It couldn't be possible.

No.

No.

No.

But it was

The cold spread from his hands to his toes all over his body into his bones as he stood frozen hearing Dumbledore explain his plan for the saddest book club ever. He wouldn't become a double spy, much less with Potter and his merry crew.

“That is a very intresting plan, professor, but I'm not interested,” he tried to keep the panic away from his voice.

“It's non negotiable,” Sirius chimed in.

Regulus ignored him. “If there are more horcruxes I will find them on my own, I don't need help. And I won't give any information outside of them.”

He expected to be told to shut up and do as he was told but Dumbledore was closer to intrigued than annoyed. “You would be willing to kill your Lord but not share information about his plans, why?”

Because it could lead to his family being arrested, his friends killed. He wasn't acting only for him, he had the lives of everyone on his hands. He couldn't risk it. I wasn't a game. Why couldn't the headmaster act like it!

“It would be too suspicious, the horcruxes are a priority. The Dark Lord can't suspect a traitor.”

Dumbledore nodded. “That's why I didn't ask you to do that, it is an assumption that you made on your own.”

Well yes, it was a fair assumption. 

“But the team work is indeed non negotiable. I'm sure you will find it much easier in the long run and it would be a shame having to deny you the protection you asked for because of a disagreement.”

“We had agreed for me to bring the diary and nothing else,” Regulus protested strongly,” I gave you the first horcrux. I honoured my part of the deal!”

“Agreements change.”

Sure they did, he should have been to one to know. Words were just words. Dumbledore was in advantage, he could change the terms at his will. The benefits of doing business with someone who had no other alternative. He should have known better, the phrase had become true to a lot of subjects in his life.

The other three had their eyes on him during the whole thing, they weren't surprised, they already knew. They also mustn't be happy with the circumstances, but they were Dumbledore's soldiers, they would gladly lick the man's boots.

Regulus had to give in, but he was going to give in on his term.

“If agreements change I also want to change my conditions.”Time to stop with professor polite bullshit.”The safe house is no longer just for my friend, there are eleven more deserters that need protection.”

He had walked in there secretly hoping that Dumbledore would say no, now he was ready to fight tooth and nail for a yes out of spite.

“Which friend, the one that punched me in the face or the burning hexes one?” Sirius on his side didn't try to hide the bitterness.

Evans turned to Potter but he shook his head and whispered something.

“Punch to the face,” Regulus replied without shame.

Outside it had started raining, the faint sound of water hitting glass windows was the background noise to what would have been a cutting silence otherwise. Regulus' legs were starting to ache, the walk to the castle added to the amount of running around he had been doing lately made him want nothing more than to sit down. He would sit on the dusty floor before asking for a chair.

“It would require me to change some previous arrangements but can be managed,” Dumbledore answered. Regulus had been expecting a bigger fight, it was slightly disappointing, not having a big excuse to argue,” but I can't promise that they will not face persecution after,”

“You can't protect someone then throw them in Azkaban.”

“What we can´t do,” Evans interrupted,” is let Death Eaters walk free after the war.”

“No one asked for your opinion,” Regulus snapped.

“It's more welcomed than yours,” Potter couldn't keep his mouth shut.

The phoenix let out a loud noise as if telling them to be silent for Dumbledore to speak. “If they are cooperative, leniency may be given in the sentence, but it's not a pass to avoid consequences. The amount of leniency will depend on the information they are willing to give the Order.”

Evans gave him a self satisfied smile and Regulus decided that he hated her.

He agreed, begrudgingly, and decided to sabotage the stupid idea at every step of the path. They could choose a place, a time, matching uniforms, he would appear for five seconds, say he got nothing new and leave to go do his own things, if they wanted to do their own parallel search fine by him but he wouldn't be stuck on that mess. Evan got his extra people in the safe house, that was kind of good, if the horcrux got destroyed it would be better.

Maybe it was foolish but he had expected to destroy the thing immediately and see the Dark Lord fall before the end of the week. Instead they had to destroy all the horcruxes at the same time, there was a chance that the Dark Lord would feel it and hide the others better if they went one by one.

Just before leaving, a sudden thought stopped him. “Who is Tom Riddle? The name is in the diary.” 

He had intended to ask before but all the awful news had  made him forget.

Dumbledore gave him a knowing look. “Voldemort’s birth name, Tom decided to change it during his rise to power.”

He mentally checked all the pure blood family names that he was forced to study as a child and found nothing. “Riddle is not a pure-blood name.” Dumbledore nodded for him to continue the conclusion.” You can't be saying…the Dark Lord is… he lied about his origins.”

“I will let you do your own search, think of it as homework.”

I hate this nutcase.

Chapter Text

“Did you know that the Dark Lord is half-blood?” That's how Regulus decided to greet his mother in the morning. “Son of a muggle and grew up in an orphanage.”

He had stayed up all night to dig up that information from old school records. It gave him more energy than any sleep could have.

Her fork full of scrambled eggs stopped mid air, she was still in her night shirt, dark circles over half asleep eyes and Kreacher filling her glass with juice. “What are you yapping about?” she yawned.

“The Dark Lord is half blood,” he repeated sitting down next to her.

Finally she broke out of the early morning trance and fixed a strand of loose hair to give him a look of disbelief. “How did you come up with that one? If Dumbledore told you then don't believe. That man can't be trusted.” 

“It's true. I saw the records. Tom Riddle Jr, son of Tom Riddle, a muggle without a drop of magical blood.” 

The scepticism didn't disappear from her face, forcing him to go get the papers from his room to show without a shadow of doubt that he hadn't dreamed it.

He had expected her to be horrified with having been following a half-blood, instead she smiled more than when she used to compare Regulus and Sirius’ grades to the ones of her friends’ children.

It was like day and night, all disapproval for Regulus' involvement with Dumbledore disappeared, instead she showered him in praises talking about how smart he was for not being tricked by a filthy half blood pretending to be respectable and how, she added with a a dangerous shine in her eyes, ashamed Druella would be when she found out that her daughter whored herself for someone of that kind.

He knew that she had stopped finding the cause funny once things went wrong for him and he lost the inner circle opportunity but still it was very abrupt.

Apparently following a blood traitor pure-blood was better than a blood purist half blood, good to know.

“If I tell Camile, that hag, she will spread it like the plague, I can also send a letter to the papers.” 

“No, please don't ,” Regulus was quick to shoot the idea down,” someone might find out it was you. It's too dangerous.”

She reluctantly agreed but Regulus didn't have a doubt that the second that the war was over she would start a smear campaign. If Dumbledore managed to get her into The Daily Prophet the Dark Lord would lose half of his supporters in a week.

Whoever heard her speak would think that Regulus was some all knowing entity that had the full picture since day one.

It was better than the stormy mood she had lately, she was even talking about dining out and going with him on a stroll through Diagon Alley. His poor father had been very confused in the morning when, after a week straight of being insulted relentlessly, she greeted him laughing and urged him to sit down for them to eat breakfast together.

It was the first good family meal they had in a while, his mother's spirits couldn't be higher as she imagined the shame of her enemies finding out they had been tricked by a half blood; she didn't mention the fact that she was also tricked, apparently that was unimportant.

She was already making a grand scene in her mind of him defeating the “filthy half-blood” single-handedly and her getting to rub that in the face of their whole family.

“Why are you so happy today?” His father asked her but looked at Regulus for some clue.

“Nothing special,” she waved him off while spreading jam on a toast,” I just received some great news.”

After breakfast she whispered in his ear. “Don't tell your father, he is a dunce, would spill it in less than a week.”

Despite all the explosive news the rest of the weeks was painfully uneventful. The most emotion came when he distractedly mentioned to Kreacher the concept being free and the elf had almost had a heart attack. Dobby had wanted it so he was just putting the idea on the table to see the reaction, he tried to explain that nothing would have to change, Kreacher could still keep working for them, just maybe getting paid and being able to leave if he wanted. The elf had calmed at the explanation but still didn't take the offer.

He had no time or interest in arguing more, if Kreacher didn't want that was up to him, he didn't even have time to look closer into the horcruxes with all the work piled on top of him, it had gotten lighter than at the beginning, or else he wouldn't be alive, but it was still too much. 

Evan was mostly doing his own thing preparing to leave, sometimes he searched for Regulus only to ask him questions that he had no idea about. The only thing he knew was the hour and place where they had to be, details about the house, safety measures, rules, protocols, it all escaped him.

Regulus suspected one of the reasons Evan only asked him those questions and then left was Regulus´ insistence about telling Barty. They didn't have to give him the address but at least a little heads up, Regulus knew that he himself was wary about letting others into his business but Barty was Barty, no matter how loyal to the cause he was, he wouldn't snitch on Evan.

It was a betrayal that Evan was willing to go around inviting a bunch of strangers to go with him but not Barty.

Regulus couldn't avoid feeling offended on his behalf.

When the night of leaving came, he got ready with the metal mask over his face and the large black robes, Dumbledore strongly advised him to not show up, Regulus told him to go fuck himself, not with such words but the felling had been there, he wouldn't rest until he was sure that the safe house was true and for that he needed to see it with his own eyes.

It was not like he would be recognised or attacked, he wasn't sure who would be there but they were aware that someone would be overseeing.

He apparated in a wide clearing, the noise of the crickets was almost deafening and the smell of earth after it rained reminded him of being in the woods with Sirius, he wasn't sure if those memories were awful or not. 

It seemed he was late to the party.

Evan and the others were grouped together, all carrying large suitcases, some had so many that they could be bringing their whole house inside, and wearing clothes definitely too posh for the occasion.

The Order members were standing next to them, in much more humble clothing, talking to each other, there were more than Regulus expected. If it was for him Sirius and his crew would have managed everything on their own to not have to get more people involved but Dumbledore said that an operation like this isn't done by four people and don't worry, the horcruxes will remain private. As if he could ever not worry.

He took a step forward.

Everyone turned to him.

Evan was the only one with a slightly positive reaction. The Order members went for their wands before stopping themselves at the last second, only Sirius, Evans, Lupin and Potter, who knew exactly who was under the mask, didn't show any reaction despite resigned annoyance. Evan's friends just couldn't care less, they had their own things to worry about.

“Can we go now or there are more Death Eaters to come?” A disfigured man barked in Evans’ direction.

Mad-eye Moody, just his luck. They couldn't find a crazier bastard in St Mungos psychiatric ward.

Evan gave a stiff nod before whispering to Regulus, “you and your refusal to arrive on time forced me to ask Mad-eye Moody to wait, Mad-eye, asking for a rabid dog to not bite would be easier.”

Moody turned around with an agility surprising for someone missing a leg. “I can hear you.” Regulus would have laughed at Evans´ uncomfortable expression if he wasn't the next victim. “And you, one wrong move and everyone will be leaving in cuffs.”

Potter gave a strained out of place laugh to fight the tension that the threat had provoked. “Not everybody, come one Moody, me and you are friends, at least let me have a lawyer.”

It was a weak one, not like Potter's jokes were usually funny, but it was a particularly weak one. Shocking, in theory tense situations should bring out Potter's inner clown, maybe it didn't work like that because he was already a clown outside.

Regulus wanted to talk back but he made a vow of silence to himself in fear that anyone would recognise his voice. 

The other Death Eaters already knew who he was, there had been no way to hide that and convince them to come, but there were some familiar faces among the Order that could cause trouble.

Pettigrew, McKinnon, McDonald. Fuck Sirius whole class had joined for some reason.

Dumbledore was really efficient in his recruitment techniques, not even the Dark Lord managed to make all the Slytherins in one year join. 

From the people he knew, that admittedly weren't that many,  the only odd one was Meadowes that had been in Slytherin two years ahead of him. He doubted that she had any good memories of her house mates, he didn't think that he had ever offended her but it was still good that she couldn't see his face, she was looking down at everyone old enough to have gone to school with her like dirt under her shoes; Evan made a point of avoiding her gaze.

“All of you, hand out your wands!” Moody didn't seem to have gotten the memo that a safe house wasn't the same as prison. Evan looked at Regulus but he just shrugged, there wasn't much he could do and even less he wanted to do.

Most complained but one boy did it too loudly, that got him such a piercing look that he threw his wand into the hand of an older order member that was collecting them as if it had burned him. 

The woman collecting the wands stopped in front of Regulus with a look of uncertainty, he shook his head no , she turned to Moody for confirmation and he, thanks Merlin, told her that he didn't count.

“Did you tell Barty anything?” he asked while the order members were busy setting up the portkey.

Evan groaned,” Yes, fuck, you can shut up with that now.”

That shut him up alright.

The portkey was a tree stump with some red mushrooms growing on it, it was the only way to access the house, unless you were an order member and in that case you would be told the exact location of the house, anyone else got “tree stump in the middle of a forest, just guess which one.”

The world turned kaleidoscope around him, when he opened his eyes he was in the middle of a living room. It was…surprisingly nice, Moody's attitude had made him expect a dungeon.

It looked like a very average house, the furniture was a little beaten down, the rooms had as many beds cramped inside them as possible to make twelve people fit into only two of them and what looked like a study turned bedroom. There was a kitchen with muggle equipment that Regulus had no idea how to use and wouldn't learn soon. Outside it was more forest and green but no indication about where exactly.

“First rule.” Moody tapped his cane on the wooden floor.” No outside connection, no owls, the floo channels are blocked, any communication device is strictly forbidden, pray that I wont find you with one.”

“What will you do, ground us?” A girl laughed, no one joined, she looked at the floor awkwardly.

“This is for your safety, unless you want you-know-who bangging on the door you will do as I say.” The speech wasn't even for Regulus and he felt subdued, especially when Moody pointed at him.” He, she, it, I don't know, I don't care, is the only non-order member allowed to come in and out, no other visitors.

Don't wander away from the house, this isn't a rule, it's a stupid way to die, you are in the middle of nowhere, if you wander and die of hunger, thirst or maimed by a bear I won't waste resources retrieving the bodies.

Someone will come to check in everyday to make sure the house is still standing and you aren't all dead or dying. Food arrives every week, you cook, there are kitchen supplies, if you don't know how to use them isn't my problem. In case of an emergency go to that phone and dial 4-3-5-7, it will send a sign, this is only for emergencies.”

As if someone would call him for a friendly chat.

They started to try, emphasising on trying, to find a place for all the baggage. Regulus wasn't sure what to do so he stayed in the corner watching; an ominous masked figure unmoving watching, not the best look but he didn't want to go near anyone, Evan was the only one that didn't look at him like a wild animal ready to attack and he was already tired of Regulus because of the Barty thing. He shouldn't have been so insistent - annoying.

Everything was mechanical, cold, distant, none of the groups wanted to look at the other for one second more than necessary. Short words were exchanged sporadically about some details such as where to put a bag or whether the doors were locked, otherwise the process was done in absolute silence.

Evans tried to help some girl push another suitcase into an already full closet, she was received with a scowl and some whispered words that left her almost as red as her hair. No one else noticed the interaction, so no one else could fully enjoy how Evans’ let the suitcase on the girl’s foot immediately after.

A group of four boys, Evan being one of them, got stuck moving a table to make more space under Moody´s strict supervision. Greengrass showed Travers how to transfigure two chairs into a bed. McKinnon and Meadowes did something with the muggle equipment that Regulus did not understand, according to McDonald's instructions. 

It was going surprisingly well all things considered, he had expected for insults and spells to be flying already.

The usual four stayed as close as possible to each other, they should just marry at this point, with Potter and Sirius sending Regulus furtive glances every now and then, but not even they were dumb to the point of doing it for so long that it raised suspicions. 

Maybe they would be able to do this without any incident.

“Don't touch me, mongrel!”

He spoke too soon.

Bloody Lupin had to try to be nice and help a boy that had tripped to get back on his feet, that incident wouldnt go unnoticed as Evans ́ one did. Sirius and Potter were ready to go into battle, with Pettigrew also there but he wasn't as intimidating. They cast a shadow when they leaned over the boy, from the perspective of someone that never saw Sirius crying because he couldn't eat a rock as a child, he could be very intimidating.

Long story short, in less than five seconds they were fistfighting on the floor, except that it couldn't be considered a fight. Potter was satisfied with a good punch but Sirius took his sweet time until Potter and Lupin forced him to stop. The only thing that could be said in his defence was that he probably didn't break any bones.

No one made a move to intervene, order members looked either with approval, indifference or annoyance but no one lifted a finger, even Moody became suddenly deaf and blind during the beating. Lupin scolded Sirius when it was over but that was the most disapproval that anyone dared to show. The other death eaters kept glancing around waiting for someone to do something, when it became clear that it wouldn't happen they went back to their tasks silently.

The air became heavier after that, the boy was left on the ground holding his bleeding nose, maybe Sirius had actually broken a bone. Not even the group of three that the poor bloke had been laughing with a minute ago looked at him. 

Every man for himself, couldn't be more true.

Regulus held on to the foolish hope that someone would at least fix the injuries, the wands were taken away, he couldn't heal himself, were they just going to let him bleed when they could so easily fix it? The answer was yes.

He couldn't blame them. Mercy for the enemy was a concept that with the new proposal to allow aurors to use unforgivables became gradually more foreign, maybe the boy would shout more abuse to anyone that tried to help, maybe he would be grateful, maybe it wasn't worth finding out.

If they had done that over one single insult, Regulus couldn't imagine what they would do to him if he didn't have Dumbledore´s protection, he would be mangled. Sirius had many opportunities to mangle me but he never did , a little voice inside his head sounded, it was true, he still ignored it.

He moved and grabbed the boy from the ground by the arm. “Where are you going?” Moody frowned. He pointed to the bathroom and then the blood on the floor, not waiting for permission, McKinnon said something he didn't understand, he flipped her off nonetheless.

The nose could have been healed there but the bathroom was more private, he wanted a moment away from the sideways glances and feeling like he was only taking space.

If life in a safe house would be like that then Regulus didn't envy Evan at all

Chapter Text

His arm was burning, it took him a while to understand it wasn´t from the spell an auror aimed at him, and nearly landed, instead the snake on his dark mark was moving up and down his forearm leaving all the skin it touched raw and burning like an eczema. He scratched it while dodging.

It was one of those days that started already knowing it would be awful, head hurting, heart racing, and vertigo as soon as he left the bed.

The potions that he chugged down his throat helped with the head but only made the palpitations worse.

The auror took advantage of his distraction as the pain became worse to make the floor collapse beneath him. It was a rather small fall from the fourth floor to the third, it didn't even give him time to react besides a surprised gasp, but landing in the middle of debris and dust did hurt. Another spell would have him in the chest if he didn't manage to roll over.

He got to his feet, it was time to run again. His mission was only gaining time but he had already gained a lot, Barty better hurry and get his grubby hands on the suitcase fast.

Another auror appeared at one end of the hallway, then another at the other end. He was being cornered like an animal.

A mix of expelliarmus, immobulus and stupefy broke all the vases and glasses on the perimeter, some of the shards cut the auror´s faces, they should have worn a mask.

It gave him enough time to make a run for it once again, he had been doing nothing but running in circles. Mulciber crossed paths with him, he would make a good sacrifice for the aurors on the chase if things went wrong.

An explosion sounded outside, the glasses of the large windows shook as green smoke started to rise making the people on the street panic even more, that was his sign. The aurors were either done with Mulciber or he managed to lose them, not likely, they positioned themselves so as to block all exits and were advancing slowly, cautiously but surely.

“Help! Help! Please!” Barty´s squeaky terrified voice echoed through the desert building.

Mulciber came slowly with too much dramatics, if he decided to do too much theatre and ruin the plan Regulus would have his head. “One more move and I blow Crouch´s son´s head.”

About Barty´s acting abilities no one worried, he was crying, panting and shaking as if he had forgotten it was all just an act and really feared for his life, Regulus did not think he would show so much emotion if he was actually in that situation.

“Easy.” Moody took a step in front making Mulciber dig the hand more into Barty´s neck. “Don't be stupid, you won't gain anything by hurting him.”

Yeah he won't but they were having a lot of fun pretending. Regulus advanced and grabbed a handful of Bartys hair. “Let us go or else he is done for.”

After some very tense moments the aurors lowered their wands, without missing a beat they pushed Barty to the ground and started running to the roof, Regulus ran to the roof, Mulciber followed. The reason that he went there was that he could slip to the ground through a downpipe, and that was exactly what he did, Mulciber wasnt that agile, he and the aurors did have a pretty interesting duel, interesting in the sense that it was funny seeing the idiot get absolutely destroyed, Regulus eventually took pity on him but there wasn't much he could, climbing the ministry building to help in the fight didn't sound like a solid plan.

So he threw the cape away, took off the mask and was instantly a law abiding citizen again free to keep going with his day and mix with the terrified passersby.

“Did you get it?” He asked Barty back at the Rosies manor.

“Yeah and already delivered it to your cousin, the aurors holded me back a bit to ask if I was okay and why I was still in the building after it was evacuated but no one suspects the son of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement,” Barty snickered at the title, the only moment he liked his father´s position was when he could take advantage of it.

Everyone would agree that Barty was a great duelist and wickedly smart but his biggest contribution to the cause was really his father, it gave him opportunities to get the most secret information. In that particular mission Regulus and Mulciber had to start a distraction in the middle of a wizengamot reunion for Barty to be able to steal a suitcase full of…well they weren't allowed to know but it belonged to the minister so it ought to be important, at first he had been very curious about every paper he stole, with time even the most secret information became mundane.  

It was rare to have the chance to do a mission with company. Barty was mostly infiltrated using his father's position. Regulus' thing was being discreet and spilling blood quietly. Evan, when he was still around, used brute force as a weapon of choice to destroy anything on his way. That was why Mulciber had gone with them, because he was a brute, being loud wasn't Regulus' speciality but Barty asked for him to also come because “We work so well together.” The true reason was because he wanted someone besides Mulciber to talk while they waited to strike, but, as stated before, Barty was a great liar.

Barty took his hand to his left arm and grimaced. “This hurts, we ignored it for too long.”

“It's not like he had a choice,” Regulus counter-argued but it was true, he couldn't move his arm anymore without hot needles of pain.

Only once they reached the meeting room the pain disappeared like it had never been there in the first place. There was a huge crowd inside and outside jostling to get in.

“What do you think this is about?” Barty asked as Regulus felt his stomach twist, he knew exactly what it was about.

Barty wanted to push everyone in his way to get in but Regulus convinced him to wait until most people were inside to avoid the confusion, he actually just didn't want to be even close to the front row.

Someone almost knocked him down trying to make a passage. “Thanks for the help back there, asshole.” Mulciber wissed.

So this one is still alive.

“You were on a roof, there wasn't much I could do,” Regulus frowned,” how did you get out?”

“Others aren't as dumb as you think they are.”

“That must be why others failed all their owls,” Regulus mocked to Barty once Mulciber was out of hearing reach but Barty laughed so loud that the attempt at being discreet was spoiled.

He spent as long as he could outside talking shit about Mulciber to avoid going inside and finding out what he already knew, not caring about all the dirty looks from the idiot's friends that were sure to go tell him as soon as they could. Only when they were the last people outside he conceded to enter.

Barty complained that they got stuck on the worst place, their backs were against the wall and couldn't see the Dark Lord unless they got on their tiptoes or pushed the giants in front of them, so a big victory.

“My followers, I have some rather upsetting news.” There wasn't need to see the Dark Lord for the vivid image of his red eye to pop up on Regulus' mind.” Some of you might have noticed that many of our younger members are missing, I have reasons to believe it was a case of mass desertion.”

A buzz filled the room as everyone tried to figure out who was missing and who wasn't.

“For now we have confirmed at least seven.” They were still missing a few. The Dark Lord started to go over the names but Regulus wasn't focused on them, he had his eyes glued on Barty and the way his friend’s breath caught in his throat when Evan's name was announced.

“It's sad to see that so much of the youth have lost their way, but not everyone is made for greatness, difficulties differentiate the deserving from the unfaithful. 

Speaking of unfaithfulness I have more to say, these cowards didn't act alone, this was coordinated by someone who is still among us.”

The buzz returned. He and Barty exchanged worried glances, except that they had gone pale for very different reasons.

“So now I speak to the traitor that lies among my ranks. You may think you are smart, but I assure you I'm more. Soon you will realise that you have not just dug your grave, you have already been buried.”

The meeting was over and Regulus was spiralling. 

I need to frame someone. It was the only way, he needed someone to blame, someone expendable that he didn't like. Maybe put something incriminating on their room, words wouldn't be enough but evidence was easy to forge, he had lots of experience.

While he was lost in thought Barty grabbed his arm and started to drag him.

“Where are we going?”

“To find Evan.”

Evan's room was more of a mess than ever, clothes scattered on the floor, drawers emptied, pieces of wallpaper and floor torn off. Somente had searched the room before them. The clothes that weren't on the floor were missing, together with toiletries and photos. It painted a very clear picture that Barty refused to see.

“Did he say something to you?” Barty’s voice trembled.

“Nothing.”

Barty gazed around the room in defeat, then bam! He kicked the nightstand with enough force to break the leg and make Regulus jump back. “I knew he was weird yesterday! He kept talking about how we would always be friends and that sentimental bullshit! The selfish bastard! How could he do this?!”

Watever Regulus tried to gasp out was drowned by Barty's indignanted cries. He was in no state to console anyone and Barty didn't want to be comforted.

“We were in this together and he just ran. I don't know how you are so calm, he didn't even say goodbye to you! After everything we have been through.”

“It does sting a little,” his voice was soft, if he spoke louder there was a risk it would tremble.

With the grace of an actor performing their death scene Barty threw himself on the bed. “The Dark Lord better get that traitor fast, I want answers.”

If Regulus hands become colder they would freeze and fall. “Maybe we are seeing this the wrong way.”

“Is there a right way now?”

“Just because Evan left doesn't mean he is no longer our friend, I mean, there are many different worldviews.” Barty was looking at him as if he had finally lost it.” He said goodbye before leaving, so he still cares. We shouldn't let something like this ruin everything.”

“He didn't say goodbye to you,” Barty pointed out.

“This is not about me.”

Rolling his eyes Barty got up from the bed and placed his hands on Regulus' shoulders. “Stop the hippy talk, I know what you are doing.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, you are in denial.” He wasn't in denial but he was sure he was going through some of the other stages of grief.” I saw you do the same with Sirius.”

Regulus stiffened. “Don't bring him into this.”

Barty lifted his hands from Regulus' shoulders in a placating gesture but didn't relent. “You don't want to see but it is the same thing. It took a whole year for you to get in your head that he wasn't coming back, but you did, when time came you were able to do what was needed for our lord.”

“Don't you remember how that en-”

“-That isn't the point,” Barty interrupted him,” if Evan…Evan made his choice, he left us.”

A tree branch hit the window with the wind serving as a metronome for the conversation. They should have handled Barty better, told him more, if the Dark Lord unmasked Regulus he would lose two friends at once. Regulus would have told the truth right there if he wasn't a coward, if he wasn't afraid of the consequences and giving up on the confort that lies and intrigues brought him. 

“Why do you think he left?” Regulus asked gingerly to test the waters.

Barty scoffed, giving a small kick to the table leg that he broke. “Because he is a coward.”

That ended it.

When Regulus went to the safe house to bring some items that Evan and the others had forgotten he didn't have the strength to tell the truth.

To Evan’s question about how Barty had reacted he gave a half truth, said that Barty was angry but would get over it, he had a short temper.

Putting the books in the small section of the shelf that was reserved to him Evan didn't meet Regulus' eyes. “I will talk to him when this is over.”

He didn't say anything else after so Regulus took the hint to leave. Most people in the safe house smiled at him or kept a respectful distance, he didn't bother to wear a mask, they knew him anyway. The only bolder one was Travers, even though they had never spoken before she wrapped her freckled arms around him with the most heartfelt thank you he had ever received.

It prompted the others to do the same, except for the hug, to which he responded in the least dry way he could. It took some nerve, even the guy who once invited everybody in Slytherin to a party except him patted him on the back as if they were lifelong friends - Maybe he had lied, maybe he did remember some names.

But Travers was fine, he liked her. She held him hostage for around one hour while she talked about everything she liked and disliked in the safe house and ended with showing him the Hogwarts books she took with her to try to keep up with the studies but didn't open yet.

With all the talking he ended up losing track of time, but at least he could write Alexis Margret Traves’ biography with all the knowledge about her that he gained.

For each problem solved, one was created.

His next stop would be the first bloody meeting with Sirius and the other three. He was already late. And it was raining.

How fun.

Chapter Text

Regulus was late again, it was already six thirty and no sign of him. It was pouring rain outside, Remus had to go grab a towel to stop the floor from being soaked from a crack in the window, they would need to fix it or put some tape in there soon.

They had chosen Sirius and Remus’s flat because there was no way that Sirius would let Regulus know where James and Lily lived. They didn't like the idea of him knowing where any of them lived, but it was not like they had an empty house laying around for weekly meetings.

Sirius could already imagine the way he would twist his nose at…everything actually.

For the first ten minutes they waited on guard but after half an hour they gave up, put on some vinyls and layed around the living room wrapped in heavy blankets drinking lemon tea.

With the doors closed and the heater on, the room was more akin to a sauna. Lily had fallen into a deep sleep with her head on James’ chest and James was going down the same path. Remus had his arm around Sirius and a book on his lap that he used to force his eyes to not close while Robert Plant sang them to sleep.

It was so calm, Sirius could smell Moony’s cologne water that he had gifted him on their birthday, an old wooden smell reminiscent of resin. He could hear Moony reading something to him in his thick Welsh accent, or maybe he was already dreaming, it was a great dream.

The peace was interrupted by knocking on the door, they were so deep on the laziness that almost missed it.

“You were supposed to be here an hour ago,” Sirius started, annoyed to be pulled out of his slumber, but stopped to hold back laughter. 

Saying Regulus was soaking wet would be kind. He looked like the demonic cat that someone tried to drown in a river.

“What happened to you?” He could hear James coughing with laughter behind him.

Any threat that could have been in Regulus' furious eyes was lost in the way his hair was sticking all over his face. “Didn't you notice the flood outside?”

“Yes, but you didn't need to swim till here.”

“I couldn't conjure an umbrella in a muggle street so I had to wait in the rain.” Every word was punctuated by an angry hand gesture.”Then the door wouldn't open and a woman told me ‘you have to click on the button’ so I clicked on the button, again and again and again until I gave up on the secrecy status and used my wand. Why didn't you open?”

That was a very angry rant for someone dripping on the carpet.

“We fell asleep.”

For some it was still the case, Lily kept snoring without a care in the world and Remus was only half listening to the conversation, he hadn't turned a page in ten minutes.

“Where is the bathroom?”

“Second door on the left.” Sirius pointed, then a thought hit him as Regulus was walking.” Don't steal anything, I will know.” Regulus flipped him off.

Just for safety he kept a discreet watch over the bathroom door, just so Regulus wouldn't have any fun idea about taking a look at the bedroom or study.

Sometimes it felt unreal. He had been tortured. He had been tortured. And now he was letting his tormentor walk into his house. It stayed as a dormant truth deep in his brain that he refused to poke.

James gave Lily a little push to wake her up, she grumbled as she straightened up and ran a hand through her messy hair. They wouldn't last long without falling asleep in that sauna so the heating was turned off and the doors opened to give them some stamina.

Regulus returned looking much more dry, pity it did nothing to change the permanent look of disgust on his face.

“Why do you have two toothbrushes?” 

Sirius tensed. “Because it's none of your business.”

“I don't care if you have a girlfriend, just surprised anyone would date you.”

Sirius was ready to reply that Regulus was the one who had never been in a relationship but Remus spoke faster. “It's not from a girlfriend, it's mine. We are…roommates.”

A familiar sorrow weighed on Sirius' chest, they never wanted their relationship to be a secret, but it was also not something that could be proclaimed loudly. At Hogwarts it had been broom closets and empty class rooms, finding excuses to steal kisses in the dark. 

The older order members already didn't trust him because of his surname, a Black and a faggot a great mix, it wouldn't gain him much sympathy. It was a silent agreement that they had to only tell close friends.

One day he would buy Moony a ring, a big diamond so flashy and corny that everyone would ask and Sirius could show his matching one without any fear.

Regulus sat on the edge of the sofa, as far away from everyone as possible, and took a long time looking at the photos on the walls, it made Sirius feel uneasy. He answered all questions thrown at him in the most absent mindedly way possible.

Immediately finding another horcrux was irrealist but with the help Regulus was giving when they became closer to the next one the war would already be over.

When he didn't react to one of James’ questions, instead keeping his eyes glued on a family picture of all of them on the beach during summer vacations, it was the last drop.

“Is this a joke to you?” James snapped.

Regulus looked away from the one of Sirius with his arms around James and Lily during their wedding, more confused than he had the right to be. “What?”

“We have the outcome of the war in our hands and you are more interested in family pictures.”

“I don't give a shit about your family.”

James gave an exasperated sound. “That's not the point. You are here to help not to stare into nothingness. ”

Regulus took a deep breath.” I have other things to worry about. You also could do something, you didn't make much progress with the horcrux hunt either.”

“It’s not the same for us,” James pointed out,” we have no way of getting the information that you can. What could be more important than this?”

“I don't know.” Regulus pretended to think for a moment.” Uh, maybe the fact that the Dark Lord knows that there is a traitor that helped more than a dozen people desert? Don't you think that's important?”

With one sentence all of Sirius’ frustration disappeared.” How could he know?”

“Does he suspect you?” Remus added.

“What are we going to do?” Lily chimed in.

“I don't know and I don't know and we aren't going to do anything, I will solve it.” His next words felt more like he was mumbling to himself.” Framing someone is my best option.”

Sirius is known for being laid back, according to some order members he treats missions as games and has too much fun duelling, but he is sure that Regulus should look more concerned. He is talking with the same displeasure as someone whose favourite show got cancelled. Maybe enough life or death situations make a person grow stunned; Sirius barely flinches anymore when an Avada Kedavra passes near his head.

“You should pick someone dangerous that would benefit the order by being out of the picture.”

“Lily?” James turned, horrified at her casualty. Talking about growing calloused, eleven years old Lily felt bad about transfiguring beetles because she thought it hurt them.

Remus ignored James' disapproval and kept building up on the idea. “It can't be too obvious, just little clues. Do you know how to forge signatures?”

Regulus and James had very similar expressions of disbelief. Neither wanted to be talking about in, Regulus because he was a stubborn asshole and James more out of his moral code - In his mind one should fight nobly even during war, there was no gryffindor honour in what they were discussing.

Regulus refused to entertain any of their suggestions, according to him everything they suggested would fail one way or another, there was something in his face that made Sirius suspect hadn't told the whole truth about the problem. It was impossible to help someone that refused to be helped, but Lily and Remus still tried with increasing frustration, Sirius knew the feeling, he had warned Regulus about getting sorted into Slytherin and the hell that would come out of that, just to be insulted again and again until he gave up.

“Can we go back to the horcruxes?” James interrupted after a while.” He obviously got this under control.”

“Sure, mate,” Sirius agreed, they wouldn't get anywhere anyways. “So you don't need advice and have no information nor desire to come up with a plan to get it, then why are you here?”

Regulus twisted his nose. “It's not for the charming company.” He got up from his seat running his thumb over the rings on his fingers. “You are right, this is a waste of time. I'm going home.”

“No, you are not,” James protested,”Dumbledore told us to do this so sit down and stop being a prick.”

Regulus didn't move to the door nor did he obey the command. Remus was the one speaking up, “There is no point, James, lets wait till next week maybe he will have something by then.”

“If he is not too busy torturing and murdering to do anything useful for once.” Lily´s level of bitterness was getting very close to James`s.

“I'm here. I can hear you, you know?”

She looked him straight in the eyes. “I know.”

The fidgeting with the rings became more aggressive, most of them were worn out from how many times Regulus did that, he didn't think that Regulus even noticed, but Sirius does.

“Yeah, because you all have such amazing morals. Beating up someone without a wand was a show of bravery.”

Sirius frowned, he either was completely deluded to compare one thing to another or was grasping at string to make himself feel better. “You heard what your little friend called Remus, don't try to play the victim, that and what you do aren't even close. Besides, it was only one punch.”

Sirius pretended to not understand the look Remus gave him. Maybe, just maybe, he had gone a little bit too far but he wouldn't let some little shit call the love of his life a mongrel, those punches were more than justified and he would die on that hill.

“That guy isn't my friend.” Sirius wasn't sure if Regulus had any friends at all, it had always been a mystery to him if Regulus actually liked anyone or just wanted someone to have around for the sake of it.” And you have done much more than one punch on other occasions. How many ended up in the infirmary because of your stupid pranks?”

“We have all grown a lot as people since that, unlike you.” James paused before grumbling.” But some of those pranks were deserved.”

“Here it is!”

They were heading into a rabbit hole of insulting each other non stop; Sirius would know, he and Regulus had been there many times. “Still mulling over it? Seriously, Regulus, move on,” he intervened.

“I'm not mulling over it, it was a long time ago, I don't care and never cared.” If he had said that he was secretly Dumbledore in disguise it would have been more believable. “I'm just saying it was a dick move.”

“Do you know what else was a dick move? Becoming a Death Eater,” James returned to the attack.

“See that window? You should jump.”

A solid thud got them to quiet down as Remus let his book fall on the table and got up to the kitchen. Sirius didn't like the thought of leaving Regulus alone with James and Lily but still followed him regardless.

“This is a train wreck,” Remus went straight to business.

Sirius leaned on the kitchen counter, the cold of the tiles under his hand felt good, he had made a nasty cut there in his last mission. “It's not that bad, no attempted murder yet,” he tried to joke but it fell more than flat.

“It's been ten minutes and you are already at each other's throats.” The sound of screaming from the living room proved Remus' point right.

It was hard to understand what was being said, but he could make out that Lily had joined, even if she was not screaming and instead spoke in a harsh tone. Regulus had just used some language that would make Walburga look at her precious little angel twice. “I guess I should just be happy you and him didn't fistfight, that would make things even harder.”

The thought of roughing up Regulus a bit sounded tempting, then the memory of Bellatrix hitting his head against tar surfaced and it became less amusing. 

“The next one will go better.”

The sound of something being thrown across the room and groans of pain made his determination waver.

Remus leaned to the side to see. “He just threw the Tv remote at James’ head.

“Where have you been?” Peter frowned at them,” you told me you would help with the house.”

We have been in a meeting with my sociopathic ex-brother, didn't sound like a good excuse so Sirius ruffled Peter’s hair and gave an excuse about losing track of time.

“What happened to you?” Peter pointed out the bump on Jame's head to which the attacked responded with, “some people don't know how to take a joke.”

The reason Peter had become one of the responsibles for the safe house was that he had volunteered himself, for some reason unknown to man, and that he was the only one with enough patience to deal with the junior death eaters. Moody hadn't bothered asking James and Sirius to help, which was fair, but he wanted to start questioning and for that they were more suited.

Remus, Lily and James went with Marlene to help her establish more protections, the place had so many wards that soon not even a fly would get in, while Sirius joined Peter and Moody.

It wasn't really a question because it was technically voluntary but Moody made it very clear that the ones that didn't cooperate would end up in Azkaban at the end of the war.

Some came more than willingly and talked non stop, even about useless information that no one cared about, one girl Moody had to tell her to stop or else she would go in detail about the fauna and flora of Rosier manor. That had been good information, except the plants part, as soon as possible the aurors would raid there.

Other's entered and left upset, Sirius had been surprised at the friendliness of some but there were rotten apples that made him want to start punching again. Peter tried the good auror approach while Sirius was the bad auror, Moody was strangely silent during the whole ordeal, only giving one or other comment. 

The ones that didn't want to be there were a lost cause, it wasn't a real interrogation so they let them go.

He and Peter had the good luck of not getting anyone they knew personally, until it came to Rosier.

Sirius had never given much thought to any of Regulus' friends; to get along with him they must be equally decompensated. Crouch was known to be an absolute maniac, but Rosier always struck him as too normal for the company he maintained; until, of course, he had tortured Sirius in his basement, then it became clear he was just as twisted as the others.

And also organised, he had a notebook with all the things he wanted to tell. They should have asked everyone to do that, it would have saved a lot of time.

Moody got up to grab some water, leaving the three of them alone. Peter grabbed the notebook and started skimming through it, he had been very diligent since the beginning, it was impressive.

“So…no hard feelings, right?” Rosier tried to smile.

No hard feelings? There were many many hard feelings. “No, you just tortured me. Nothing serious.”

He tried to see if there was any hint of remorse or if Rosier was only worried that Sirius would use his opportunity for revenge, it was very tempting.

“Look, I have nothing against you. I was just trying to help Regulus.”

“You are a very good dog.”

Rosier frowned at that. “I’m not his dog.”

Seemed like he hit a soft spot, great. He knew about Regulus' habit of treating everyone as servants, except, ironically, the house elves, seemed like his friends weren't an exception.

“A very good lackey, or maybe you prefer minion? henchman? flunky?” He forced his memory to work.” I remember you at Hogwarts, always at his beck and call with Crouch, except that he didn't pay you so you are more akin to a slave actually.”

That had the expected reaction, Rosier’s lips tightened until they became white. “ You are doing the same as him, you want me to get mad so you have an excuse to lash out.” He gave Sirius a tense smile.” Tough luck, I know how to deal with Blacks.”

It was Sirius' turn to frown.

Peter couldn't care less about the conversation, he kept reading almost frantically, he should to take things easier. He didn't need to read the notebook, Moody would do it himself.

Rosier continued, that time less confrontational. “If it makes you feel better I don't think you were ever in danger, at least not from us.”

He had to be kidding. “Regulus talked an awful lot about death.”

Rosier gave a huff of contempt. “Regulus talks a lot, Barty is the only one that takes what he says at face value. Trust me, if he had wanted to kill you, you would be dead.”

That left Sirius thinking, more than he wanted. It was possible that Roseir only wanted to win some sympathy but still Regulus had seemed more annoyed than murderous in the woods, maybe it was just wishful thinking.

“How did you convince him to ask Dumbledore for all of this?”

“It was actually his idea.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Really? What did you give him in exchange, your first born?”

Rosier only chuckled. “Believe it or not, he has his good moments.”

It was very out of character to the Regulus he had seen recently but so much like the one he used to know.

Moody came back and took the notebook away from Peter, who whimpered like they had taken his favourite toy away, seriously, he needed to chill. Rosier was dispensed after Moody gave a brief glance to what he wrote and told the next one to come in.

Rosier stopped himself at the door.” If you see Regulus, tell him to stop by again soon.” For the first time there was a hint of fondness in his voice.” I have been a bit mean to him lately.”

“If you don't end up in Azkaban first.”

He smiled at the way Rosier gulped. He had been tortured, he had a right to be petty.

Chapter Text

Bellatrix was in charge of finding the traitor, of course she was, despite everything that wasn't such bad news, no matter what she thought of him, he wouldn't be the first suspect on her list, she must be praying that he wasn't the one because of how bad it would make her look. Good for her that he wasn't planning on being caught.

Barty had asked to help out of his own free will, to Regulus' surprise she said yes. That gave a great excuse to tag along without appearing suspiciously interested.

His relationship with Bella had been nothing but strained since the Sirius’ fiasco, maybe ‘finding the traitor’ with her would help with that. Her husband and brother in law would also be joining but he didn't care much about them, they didn't have any kind of relationship in the first place for it to be ruined or fixed.

“It will be fun, like a family meeting,” Barty commented while they walked.

“A family meeting and you.”

“We are basically brothers,” Barty threw his arm over him, since Evan left he had become more… attached,” unless you want to turn our relationship more carnal.”

Regulus threw the arm away. “You are in a long term plan to fuck me.”

“And haven't given up yet.”

They meet at the Lestrange manor, Evan´s place would be under a raid for the next week so the Dark Lord temporarily stayed at the house of his most devoted follower, Bellatrix. It wouldn't be a very successful raid when the people supposed to be surprised knew a week prior. There were too many spies everywhere for a plant like that to work out.

Walking through the dark hallways, he couldn't help thinking that the stale air of the Lestrange manor made Grimmauld Place look comfortable and warm, all that gold and Bellatrix still refused to get some proper illumination or at least open the windows. They would all need glasses soon from squinting. It didn't matter if darkness fit the abandoned castle vibe they were going for. 

It was almost fun how Narcissa and Bellatrix chose to live in such different places, and Andromeda - Andromeda didn't matter.

Bellatrix greeted when they entered the room, it was a good sign until the realisation that she was only greeting Barty.

For the rest of the day he got to experience something he never did before - Bellatrix being nice - she didn't call any of Bartys ideas stupid, and some were stupid, not even a single taunt. It was like a spirit possessed his cousin to turn her into a pleasant person. 

On the other hand Regulus became completely invisible, except when she told him to move out of the way. What had got into her head to believe she could treat him like a house elf?

He was convinced she had gone even more mad until he saw Rabatan and Rodolph sharing laughs that were meant to be discreet, but weren't, everytime she spoke over him and shifted to focus on Barty, who was relishing the spotlight.

Oh.

She didn't like Barty. She only hatted Regulus more.

The disgusting miserable lunatic .

Out of the window went his plan of guiding her in the direction he wanted, she wouldn't even let him speak. If he got exposed because she was throwing a fit and acting like a teenager the Dark Lord wouldn't need to bother executing him, he would Avada Kedavra himself.

“She is such a bitch,” he complained when they left. 

Barty looked confused. “What do you mean? She was great today.”

“For you. She was messing with me the whole time.”

The streets outside were empty, they had stayed at the Lestrange manor all day, with the curtains closed no one had noticed it was already dark outside. A wasted day. The only thing he got was a toothache from grinding them so much.

“Or maybe she really liked my suggestions.”

“Oh, please,” he scoffed dismissively.

Barty tried to hide it as soon as it appeared but the twisting of the mouth and glimpse of indignation in his eye didn't go unnoticed. Shit. It was a talent to always manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, one that Regulus unfortunately possessed.

“You are competitive as hell,” Barty laughed but it sounded fake.

“I didn't mean it like that,” he tried to correct, “ Bellatrix is always awful, the only moments when she isnt is when she wants something. Your ideas can be the best in the world and she won't say anything good unless it benefits her in some way.”

“My ideas being good benefits her. We are working together.”

He could argue, he knew he was right but the question was not if he could but if he should. There was no point in damaging a friendship over that, contrary to the way he acted, he didn't have enough friends to afford to go around offending them. He could see silently through the weak manipulation and let Barty have his ego boat, not that his ego needed it. “If you say so.”

The next days went the same way, he kept the annoyment for himself but at each passing second he wanted to curse the useless husband and brother-in-law more. He let Bellatrix go through her list of suspects, interrogating some, threatening others, terrorising pure blood lords left and right. He had decided it was best for her to make her own black list and then pick someone to frame from there.

She had some good candidates, even better, none were remotely connected to him. Picking someone to benefit the order be damned, with his life on the line he was all for practicality.

If only she hadn't made a point of ignoring everything about him.

He waited until Barty was out of the room, having to leave early because of his father, to finally go off. “You are acting like children.”

The two men´s smiles disappeared, they all liked to play strong until someone confronted them. Bellatrix's face didn't change, she wasn't playing strong, she was strong.

“Something bothering you, Reggie?”

“You are acting like I'm an idiot. Did you think I wouldn't understand why you suddenly love Barty?”

She didn't even try to hide it. “It doesn't matter if you understand, it still bothers you.”

“No it doesn't.”

“Yes, it does. You just can't stand not being the greatest thing to ever exist, or else we wouldn't be having this conversation.” She took a step forward. “Everyone spoiled you too much, the baby of the family, you want to do whatever you want whenever you want. Not anymore.”

Merlin, he couldn't remember the last time he did what he wanted. If that was true he would be at school finishing his last year and not playing mind games with his cousin. He would be in a comfy dorm instead of her dust filled house trying not to scream. He would be studying to have a future and not risking his life weekly.

She didn't see that, he made it sure no one would ever see that.

No. Breath. It is not the time to throw a tantrum.

He couldnt give less of a fuck if she didnt showered him in praise, on the other hand he cared a lot that she was ruining his chances of not being exposed.

Fingernails dug into his arm, he heard that some people did that to calm themselves. It didn't calm him, only hurt. 

“You are being childish.” he tried to keep anger from his voice, it would only make her see him more as a spoiled brat. “I'm a good soldier and you know that. Keeping me away like this will only make the mission harder and give the traitor more time.”

That made her mad, he didn't know what specific button he touched but he did. “Reggie, has your little brain considered that you are not that special? I can find the rat without you. If you don't like that then leave.”

And leaving he did, with enough force for the echo of the door to sound through the whole house.

To hell with all of them, he would find the ´traitor´ on his own.

For that he skipped the next meeting with the order twats, it was not like he would miss much. The only consequence was Sirius screaming at him through the mirror but the mirror could be thrown in a drawer and ignored. 

Barty tried to convince him to not be like that, which he refused. His mother then scolded him after she heard from Narcissa that he was throwing a fit , speaking about how that could ruin everything. Sometimes he didn't understand if she saw him as an adult in his forties or a restless child.

But the reminder of Narcissa´s existence proved to be useful.

He thought hard about Bellatrix´suspects list and picked one that would be ideal. A half blood, without much standing, with just decent money, recently captured by aurors during a raid but managed to escape. The story wrote itself. Maybe they offered him freedom in exchange of information, maybe he had the proactivity, the ending was still the same.

An afternoon with Lucius and Narcissa allowed him to talk about politics, idle gossip and, most important, Bellatrix.

“She is being irrational but it doesn't matter, I can find the traitor alone.” He pretended to take another sip of the wine he had been vanishing when they weren't looking, he had fake drunk enough for them to think him wasted.

They exchanged glances as Lucius moved to serve him even more wine, were they looking for information or trying to put him in an alcoholic coma?

“Are you sure?” Narcissa tilted her head like a cat,”I have heard they already made much progress.”

That was his cue to put on his best fake drunk performance, mostly based on watching Barty and Evan, he always refused to drink to the point of losing reason. “Not as much as me.” A breathless laugh escaped his lips, that was from Barty. “I already know who it is.” If he had moved his hands too much and spilled wine that was on them.

Lucius looked with distaste at the red stain on the white sofa. “Who?”

Straight to the point, wasn't he? Regulus shifted on the couch so he was laying with his shoes on the cushions. “That ginger bloke, the one that got arrested like…one month ago. Struck a deal with the Order.”

“Bella mentioned him,” Narcissa frowned, “do you have proof?”

He shrugged. “Not yet, but next week I will sneak into his house. I know his kind, they are not smart, there will be something laying around.” With movements calculated to look miscalculated he sat up. “And then I will drag him to the Dark Lord myself and tell him how everyone else is stupid …Don't tell Bella.”

“Of course not,” they lied in unison.

Hook, line and sinker. Why not keep going? “Lucius, why are you serving the wine? Just because you look like an house elf doesn't mean you need to act like one.”

“The elf?” he coughed awkwardly,” The elf is sick”

“You told McAllister about your sick elf?” Regulus frowned.

The name of his current competition for a place in the Wizengamot made Lucius’ face turn into stone. “He knows?”

“Yeah, he said something about how ‘you wouldn't be seeing him for a while’ then made that weird laugh of him that sounds like a horse,” he chuckled as if that laugh was the single funniest thing to ever exist.

Narcissa looked ready to commit murder. That would keep them entertained for a while.

When he was done spilling all venom he tried to leave but Narcissa didn't let him. With excuses of being very late she convinced him to stay the night there while whispering to Lucius, “Aunt Walburga is going to kill me if she finds out we got him drunk.”

There wasn't much he could do that would not reveal his act so he went along. It wasn't so bad, to her credit Narcissa made sure he drank lots of water, after giving him enough alcohol to knock out cold a troll, and the next morning his mother took him being close enough with Narcissa to sleep at her house like a good sign - if only she knew the whole story.

With everything into place he just had to act, in preference before Bellatrix tried to get ahead of him.

The idea of asking Dumbledore to write incriminating papers himself was considered and discarded, he didn't trust the old man enough, besides he was good enough at forgery to make his own versions. 

The trick was to not overdo it, a letter saying “thank you for being such a great spy, keep spying for us, the ministry, because you are a spy” would be too much.

He left the house after his parents fell asleep, or only his father, he had learned a long time ago that his mother’s sleep was as fickle as the weather. Kreacher looked at him but didn't say anything as he left. He had been distant to the house elf lately, mostly out of not wanting him involved in any part of the mess he was knee deep in. Once things were over it would be alright. 

Everything would be alright once the Dark Lord was gone.

Getting into the house was once again not a challenge. People invested so much time and effort into complicated spells and never considered how easy their gates were to climb, some of them were almost shaped like ladders.

From his research, the man went to the pub every Friday night and wouldn't come back until dawn.

He tried to avoid learning more than what was absolutely necessary - Humanised them too much.

Maybe this one felt different because it was the first he wasn't ordered to go after. The others would always be killed, if not by him then by someone else, this time it wasn't the case - He was the jury, judge and executioner.

In the study he started snooping through the room, Bellatrix wasn't dumb, he could put everything well hidden and she would still find it. There were loose boards on the floor, with a flick of a wand he got them to fly up.

Dark objects, cursed jewellery, all that good stuff. He was ready to drop the letters and leave but something wasn't right. There were already letters there. Not sealed or signed but typed and stamped with the ministry seal. There were not that many, but they were enough.

It couldn't be.

How? What was the chance that trying to find a fake traitor he got a real one? 

His lies had become the truth and the universe proved once again that it had a very sick sense of humour.

Everything had to go wrong in the most twisted way possible.

Time for another change of plans.

 He hated his life.

Chapter Text

The chest of the sleeping figure in front of him rose and fell in rhythmic movements. Lazy bastard, almost midday and he was still sleeping like a log. Not that anything else could be expected, coming home at four in the morning pissed out of his mind, he should be thankful that Regulus was there to have some mercy and levitate him to bed.

The night had given him time to think.

With the new information he couldn't let Bellatrix take the man to the Dark Lord.

 His mind would be searched, Regulus had been counting that they would find it empty of any rebellious activities. Memory wasn't reliable, an experienced wizard could change it in a wim. It would be assumed that Dumbledore or some other order member had done just that to protect information. Regulus himself had the option to ask that from Dumbledore if he felt he was in danger of being discovered, not that he would let his mind be violated again if he had the choice.

Finding it completely empty was one thing, finding it full of incriminating evidence except a specific one was another.

There would be no justification as to why he had all the memories except the safe house, besides that he wasn't involved in the safe house.

That would only open room to even more questions.

A good solution would be erasing all memories but Regulus didn't trust his own skill to do that without five years of study. The mind was tricky, he didn't possess the finesse to only erase the memories of treason so everyone would see it was an amateurs job, and there was always the danger he wouldn't erase them well enough and the Dark Lord would use decades of knowledge to pull the memories back from wherever dark corner they were pushed into.

Ideally the man should be kept alive, a spy weakening the Dark Lord was valuable for the war efforts, but the world wasn't ideal and there was no way to save him from Bellatrix after Regulus had put her on his tail.

So he leaned forwards and took the dagger to the neck.

Whoever said that killing a sleeping person was easy and painless was a massive liar - Death was never fast.

It took time between the infliction of the cut and the body to give out. No matter how fatal the wound, they first had to bleed, gasp for air, all bodily functions fail, and only then in the end would the brain stop working.

As soon as the blade carved itself the man rose awake and started to frantically struggle. Regulus covered his mouth with one hand and put all his body weight to carve the dagger deeper with the other, ignoring the scratches inflicted on his arms by the death throes.

One second, two, five, blood started to pool under the pillow, ten, the peak of the fight, the body desperately trying to stay alive, twenty, thirty, the eyes became cloudy. At thirty five the struggling stopped but he stayed there until he counted one minute.

No pulse.

He strutted into Rosier Manor covered in blood and with a dead body floating behind him and confidence that didn't match what he felt inside.

The raid had caused some destruction. Broken vases, overturned floors, torn portraits and books all over the floor. Evan would have a lot of work fixing the place after the war was over.

People gave him looks that ranged from mild curiosity to disinterest, he wondered if it was just desensitisation to violence in general or they had grown to expect things like that from his family and him by association.

He walked fast, the sooner he could get rid of the macabre flesh balloon that followed him the better.

“My lord.” He dipped in a quick kneeling before raising again and placing the body on the floor. “I believe I found the traitor, he had correspondence with the ministry hidden in his house and I could confirm his involvement with many of our failed missions.” His words were fast, levelled and respectful, the ones of a good soldier as he tried to hide his revulsion by the monster in front of him.

He had burned his own forgeries and only brought back real evidence as proof, a little bit of digging in the Dark Lord's part and all of it could be confirmed.

After a long time without a reply he continued, “I wanted to redeem myself from my last failure. My objective was to bring the traitor alive but he put up too much of a fight.”

The Dark Lord kept that amused look in his blood red eyes that rivalled the actual blood all over Regulus hands. “It's truly sad that we ended up our last meeting in such a distasteful way,” he smiled. A distastefull way were insults, and broken glasses, not mind breaking torture.” I see that my expectations might have been too high, I let your achievements blind me to your age. I am sure that in the near future you can be a valuable asset to my inner circle.``

It took everything in him to not let his heart swell with the praise. What was wrong with him? Why was he happy about a monster calling him a valuable asset?

When near the Dark Lord all his resolutions crumbled, making an horcrux became more of a reasonable thought each time, his soft sentences twisted his preconceptions in ways that left him feeling like a completely different person. A worst one.

He couldn't let himself fall through that rabbit hole again.

“Thank you, my lord, but I had help. I couldn't have done it without Bellatrix.”

“Is that so?” The tone was very close to a cat playing with prey. “I heard you two had fallen apart.”

He answered cautiously, “we had some disagreements, but were able to overcome them for the good of the cause.”

There was no comment, only a small nod. “I will make sure to congratulate her for her help.” It felt very backhanded, as if it was some game that only the two of them were in. “What should we do with our friend here?”

His eyes went back to the body on the ground that he had been trying to avoid. The skin had turned a shade of ashen blue. Logically he knew it was too early for the body to start to smell, but he swore that the putrid odour of rotten flesh wouldn't leave his nose.

“Make an example out of him.”

The Dark Lord smiled, warever game they were playing he had just scored a goal.

It wasn't as fun seeing a body being torn apart compared to an execution, nonetheless the Dark Lord did his best to make the event memorable. 

Regulus really hoped that in the future he would feel bad about what he did, some sort of sorrow just to prove himself that he was still human, as for now there was only relief that the one having his limbs ripped and deformed wasn't him.

The carcass, because it couldn't even be considered a body at that point, fell unceremoniously to the floor when the show ended. If he saw it outside he would think it was from an animal mangled by a bear.

People around him cheered, they would have been the perfect audience for a hanging in 1800. If the Dark Lord won one of the first things he would probably do was bring back public executions, he didn't want to spend much time thinking about that possible reality but the image of Sirius hung by the neck on the parapet of the ministry forced itself onto him.

After a speech about traitors getting what they deserve and the consequences of desertion, and many other things he didn't want to hear, he tried to leave but a hand grabbed him from behind.

Bellatrix didn't give him a second to protest before speaking. “Our Lord thanked me for my contribution in finding the traitor.” There was a pause for the work to sink in while she pursed her lips. “Well played.”

If the person in front of him wasn't so volatile he would have left a sigh of relief. “Peace?” He extended his hand, hoping she wouldn't bite it off.

“Peace.” For his relief she only took it. “But I expected more of you than letting Cissy get you drunk.”

“I was having a bad day,” he excused himself.

She hummed in a mocking way but not so vicious as before, the compliment from the Dark Lord had been good for her. “Still a beginner´s move.” She smirked at his eye roll. “Your little friend is looking for you. I have to admit he is not as insufferable as he seems, unlike you.”

“Love you too,” he groaned as she left to go near her husband again

Chapter Text

“Are you sure we shouldn't try just one more time?” Remus questioned as they approached the decrepit house.

“If he wanted to come he should have picked up the mirror,” Sirius replied.

Having become clear that Regulus was useless they had no choice but to investigate on their own. The first step was the Gaunt house.

The news that you-know-who was half-blood - news that they had to research on their own because Regulus apparently forgot to tell, even Dumbledore had been surprised that they hadn't been told - opened many doors, and multiplied the hatred they all already felt for the monster.

All that pureblood nonsense and for what? He was half-blood himself. Making the lives of those like him hell by lying just to gain power, it was disgusting. Sirius would love to see the look on the face of all those snobs when they found out they had been kneeling and bowing to someone they considered inferior to them. It would be poetic if it wasn't also so twisted.

They had to walk in overgrown weeds and nettles to get close to the house. If he didn't know better Sirius would think it was a drug house, maybe since the downfall of the Gaunts it had become one judging by the broken windows and many graffiti littering the outside walls 

“When you told me the Gaunts were one of the oldest pureblood families I expected something else,” Lily twisted her nose,” this place is a dump.”

“The Gaunts went mad,” Sirius shrugged,” they were so obsessed with staying pure that they started marrying direct cousins and then brothers and sisters. Even for pureblood maniacs that was considered too extreme.” 

Inside, it was equally decrepit. Sparsely furnished with old and broken furniture covered in spider webs. The floor dirty, and the walls covered with peeling paint and more graffiti. Sirius' suspicion about it becoming a drug shack was confirmed by the amount of dirty needles, cigarette butts and all kinds of suspicious sticky substances on the floor.

It would be fitting if the horcrux had been pawned by some addict to buy their next fix.

James clasps his hands. “Okay, let's start searching, and try not to catch any disease.”

Remus' limp had been particularly bad since the morning, Sirius would have told him to sit down if he didn't think the couch had twenty different types of parasites living in it.

“Don't bend so much,” he frowned when Remus’ back cracked.

“You only like it when you are the one bending,” Remus replied while, with agonising slowness, he straightened up.

Sirius smirked, “only for you.”

“Can you save that to the bedroom?” Lily interjected.

“You are only jealous that Prongs doesn't bend for you, Evans.”

That got James joining, “who says I don't?”

The search kept going with increasingly more inappropriate jokes. Among all the other one hundred reasons why it was a good thing Regulus wasn't there, him not ruining the mood was one of them.

Who knew that tearing down a decrepit, ancient pure-blood house in search for an artefact of pure darkness that could save the country would be so enjoyable?

It became less enjoyable when after an hour they still had nothing.

“Let's split,” Lily suggested,” me and Sirius search upstairs, James and Remus the ground floor.”

“You want to be away from me?” James frowned, faking offence.

Lily snorted, “if we split up by couples there will be more lewd jokes than searching.”

No one could disagree with that so they followed the suggestion.

The rooms were even more sinister than the rest of the house, it was hard to believe it was even habited. Sirius always thought that the bedroom was a good way to look inside a person, that was why he made sure his was full of red, pictures of him and his friends, motorbikes, Quidditch, everything he loved basically. The Gaunts had loved nothing.

The only indicator of who might have lived in the room they were investigating were the dusty dresses on the closer indicating a woman, nothing else. 

“I think this was his mother’s room,” Lily mused while passing a hand through one of the dresses, watching moths fly in front of the patches.

“This? It's so small.” Sirius looked around, the other rooms were decent sized, that one looked more like a broom closet converted into a bedroom.

It was usually second sons and girls having smaller rooms than the heir, but not to that extreme. Sirius had theorised that it belonged to a maid, from the time when they were more common than house elfs.

“Look.” She pointed to a small carving on the wood, clearly made by a child. 

Merelope.

That made him look at the room with other eyes but there was still nothing to see. Maybe things had been stolen and lost through the years, maybe the Gaunt’s had hated their daughter, she must not have been the best person to birth such a monster.

“I feel for her,” Lily commented with a pensive expression, while she used her wand to rip the mattress open, “growing up like this and then dying right after her son was born.”

“You feel for her?” Sirius repeated in disbelief, “she gave birth to evil incarnate, drugged a man to stay with her for years.” Lily kept looking through the pillow feathers without even making eye contact. “What is this really about?”

She ignored him for some seconds before her shoulders fell and she answered in a soft voice. “I went to see Petunia the other day.”

Sirius eyebrows shot up. Their awful relationship with ex-siblings had been one of their main sources of bonding when James started trying to make them get along, except that, unlike Sirius, Lily refused to give up, she always kept the hope that her bitch of a sister would come around.

Her eyes were a bit wet. “ Your brother…he is awful, we can agree on that, but he still cares for you, in warever weird way he does.”

He had to hold back a laughter of disbelief. “Did you miss the part where he tortured me? Turned his back on me and ran to Bellatrix? Became a Death Eater? Literally everything he ever did? I-”

“We already covered that he is awful,” she stopped him, “but in Hogwarts he was always looking at you, I remember Sev- him complaining about it. When he went to see Dumbledore he kept taking steps closer to you, and in your house he did the same, he started the meeting on the other corner of the room and in the end you two were at arms reach.”

“What? No he didn't, yo-”

“Will you let me finish?” She lost her patience. “What I'm getting at is that, even with him being the worst person ever, he still kept trying to get closer to you, maybe subconsciously but that's not the point. So I thought that my relationship with Petunia couldn't be worse, couldn't be that bad, we are not on opposite sides of a war, and now I could die at any moment. I don't want to go to the grave with her hating me. If he can still feel something for you she must also do.”

He wanted to interrupt again. Say that she won't die, that she didn't need her sister if her sister didn't want her, that she wasn't the one that should feel bad and beat herself over a family broken by other people; but that wouldn't make her feel better so he just listened.

“I told her that I was sorry for all the fights, that I wanted for us to go back to being sisters… She told me she hoped that I would die.”

That bloody cunt. 

At that moment Petunia Evans’ place on his list of enemies skyrocketed. She was the one that should die, Sirius was willing to kill her himself.

“She is a sad pathetic woman with a husband who looks like a walrus, a bank account a thousand times smaller than yours and nothing better to do with her days than look at the neighbours.”

“She is still my sister.”

“Lily, she doesn't deserve to call herself your sister. Marlene, Dorcas, Marry, they are your sisters.” He put a hand on her shoulder trying to not come off as too aggressive. “You have so many people that love you, why do you insist on suffering over one that doesn't deserve the air she breathes?”

She closed her eyes with a pained expression on her face. “Don't speak about her like that.” Her eyes went over the small room again. “I will still keep feeling bad for Merelope, not for the woman she became but the little girl who never got the love she deserves.”

He felt there was some context there he was missing but it was best to stop poking the wound.

There was much more he could say. Remind her that what she was doing with her sister was the same she had done with Snivellous, constantly justifying all their mistakes, no matter how many times they let her down. Sometimes it was like he would never understand Lily Evans, how she was so self assured in some things and passive in others.

A tortured scream came from downstairs breaking the thoughtful silence that had fallen over them.

Their eyes met as they rushed back to the living room.

Sirius's foot got stuck on a rotten floorboard but he kept running despite almost falling down the stairs.

James was laying on the floor, curled on a ball as Remus kept trying to make him react with gradually more frantical appeals.

“What happened?” Lily's voice was a panicked screech as she kneeled by James’ side.

“We found it under the floor and he grabbed it. I don't know why. I tried to stop him, I swear I did but my bad leg gave up and I couldn't reach the cane and I I-”

James let out a painful moan. He was curling around his hand. Through his panic Sirius saw a faint glow coming from it.

With self control he didn't know where came from, he forced James fingers open, only when that awful thing fell on the floor did James unsettling twitching stopped and he lay down, flat on the floor breathing quickly.

Lily wrapped her hands around his neck. “What were you thinking?!” She half screamed, half sobbed.

He looked dazed, feverish, but coherent enough to mumble. “I saw my parents.”

Grief mixed with the already awful panic in Sirius´ chest. He had to will himself again and again to take deep breaths, his clothes felt too hot but he knew that it was just the adrenaline wearing off. No Death Eater attack had yet left him so shacked, it was also the first time he saw any of his loved ones close to death.

Monty and Effie were still something too raw for him to think about, he could only imagine how bad it must be for James. They spent more than one night crying on each other's shoulder in the Potter's old house looking at family pictures. 

It was the kind of pain that never went away. To be able to see them again…Speak to them…Touch them…

“Sirius.” Remus´ voice reached his ears with a clarity that made him realise how hazy the world around him had become.

His hand had got so close to  the horcrux on the ground that its glow reflected on his black nail polish. With a grimace he pulled it away.

Slowly Remus conjured a small piece of cloth from one of the bedsheets Sirius and Lily had ripped upstairs and wrapped it around the horcrux. In the middle of everything Sirius had not even registered what it was.

“We have to take him to Dumbledore,” Lily said after James passed out again.

She was the first to leave, Sirius and Remus stayed behind wrapping the horcrux in more cloth and then a wooden box they transfigured for extra safety. It physically hurt him to be away from James but he kept telling himself that Dumbledore would know what to do, the horcrux was also urgent.

When they stepped outside he hesitated, then pulled out his wand and sent a serpent of flames into the Gaunts house. It lit like a bundle of papers, the wood was dry, regular flames would have taken longer, but with the ones he was conjuring it wouldn't take much until the house was engulfed in fire.

 “What was that for?” Remus asked while smoke started to leave the ground floor windows, there wasn't a hint of judgement in his voice.

“Felt necessary.”

In five minutes it burned like a campfire. There were wailes coming from inside, too high pitched and distorted to be human, hopefully the fire would kill them all - destroy everything of that cursed legacy, nothing more than ashes on the ground and bones forgotten in unmarked graves.

Remus walked closer, with a cigarette on his finger he leaned forwards and lit it in the ruin of the Gaunts.

Chapter Text

It felt wrong that Rosie Manor kept being used as the main headquarters of the Death Eater. Evan was gone and they kept holding onto the house like parasites. 

When the war was over Evan would spend weeks just getting rid of the dark objects and curses in every corner. Regulus would help with that, if Sirius didn't kill him first for having spent so long ignoring the mirror while he was framing the traitor. 

He should be getting reading to be screamed at in five languages in the next meeting.

“Reg, Reggie, Regulus!” A familiar shrill voice called him.

“What?” He tried to keep his bad mood down, but he had just gone into Rosier Manor to get a cloak that he forgot, he wasn't in the mood for talking.

He hadn't been in the mood for talking for some time.

Barty’s clothes were a mess, just like him. Turn and dirty mud and blood, still he smiled like he was having the best day ever. “Me and some other guys are going on a raid tonight. You want to come?”

He couldn't want anything less. “I'm not sure…is Bellatrix going?”

Lately Barty had been spending too much time around Bella. After their team up to find the traitor was over, Regulus had expected each one to go in their separate ways, instead they formed a friendship that made him feel uneasy. 

Barty wasn't a child, he was far better at friendship and understanding how relationships worked than Regulus could ever hope to be. That didn't stop him from feeling like a mother watching his son hanging out with bad influences.

“Yeah, it was her idea.” Barty put his hands in his pockets. “Come on, it's been ages since you went on a raid. After that we can even go drink something at that pub you like.”

He knew it had been too long since he went on a raid. He just never found them fun in the same way Barty did. They were just chaos and screams and the most cruel sadic side of humanity on full display - everything Barty enjoyed.

“Fine,” he gave in.

“Trully?” Barty smiled. Regulus couldn't understand why someone would be so happy with his presence. “I didn't expect you to agree. I was even considering not going if you said no.”

“I miss going for a drink with you.” Regulus forced himself to smile.

“You hate drinking.”

“I miss going out with you. Was that what you wanted to hear?”

“Ohh,” Barty gave the most shit eating grin possible, “I knew that deep down you liked me.”

Every second would be slow agony and he would regret going immediately, still, even with all reasons why he shouldn't go, two won over any reason.

The first was that he didn't want to let Barty spend more time alone with Bellatrix. Her presence could ruin someone's head in seconds. If everything went right in that trip to the pub he would be able to speak with Barty and, without giving himself away, show him the Dark Lord wasn't good and Evan wasn't a slimy traitor, like Barty kept calling him.

The second - more stupid and more personal - was that he just wanted to spend time with the only person in the world that seemed to like him without any strings attached.

Sirius was a mess. His mother, no matter how much she loved him, made him feel awful more often than not. Evan was…good? It was complicated sometimes.

Barty was the only one that, no matter how wrong and shitty Regulus acted, had always been behind him. 

With Bellatrix liking him he had even less reasons to give Regulus the time of the day and still choose to. Almost everyone liked him, he could have picked any friend in Hogwarts and after and had chosen Regulus.

Without the explanation that it was a mutual transaction Regulus wasn't really sure why he kept doing it but he did. It felt good, knowing he wasn't not only an option but also the first option.

Maybe he could avoid killing by just breaking some windows and acting menacing.

The area they were going to attack was a small population on the outskirts of London. It was bolder than usual, they had been keeping to more isolated areas, villages and cities in the countryside. 

The Dark Lord was becoming more comfortable to allow an attack so close to the ministry. Soon they would move even closer.

He arrived late, when his feet hit the asphalt half of the neighbourhood was already burning. 

Barty wasn't hard to find even with the mask. “Reggie!” He screamed at the top of his lungs from the doorway of a four-story building whose top floor was nothing more than debris.

Barty's mask was missing. He was there, in the middle of a raid, identity exposed, screaming Regulus' name for any auror to hear. That wasn't his usual recklessness, it was madness.

“What are you doing?” Regulus came to his side before he decided to shout where he kept his house keys.

Barty laughed like a drunk. “I'm having so much fun.”

No, not like a drunk. He was drunk.

Before any protest Barty dragged him by the sleeve inside the building into a living room. 

There were two more men inside the living room, both in the same state of Barty. Steps swinging, breath reeking of alcohol.

Barty grabbed a half spilled bottle from the floor. There were too many bottles there. How did they manage to already have drunk so much? 

“Take that thing off, take a sip, this is just getting good.”

He hadn't asked Dumbledore for amnesty and spent all that time making things right just for Barty to throw it away for a bottle. Did they think beer and blood went along well? 

“Are you out of your mind?!” He yelled, yanking the drink out of Barty's hand and throwing it into the corner of the room. “Put the mask back on. You are not staying here. I'm taking you home.”

One of Barty's friends rolled his eyes. “Told you he was a killjoy, Crouch.”

Regulus hoped these two would be dead by the end of the night. “The killjoy will be when the aurors arrive and you are all too pissed to aparate away.” He turned to Barty. “This is the most stupid thing you have ever done.”

“Calm down. I'm used to this, we put the mask back when the aurors arrive. You haven't even yet seen the children in the bedroom.”

“What childred?”

Barty didn't care or didn't notice the worry in Regulus' voice, he acted as if the question was a way to cheer him on. “We already took care of the parents but the little rats wouldn't stop crying so we locked them.”

Regulus looked around. “I don't see any bodies.”

“Of course you don't.” The smile Barty gave him was not right, it didn't used to be that cruel, that sadic. “We put them in the bedroom.”

When he entered the bedroom, two children were hugging each other in the corner. Twins, maybe six or seven years old, both in their pyjamas.

The room was painted baby blue on one side and pink on the other. The twins were in the baby blue side, their parents corpses in the pink one.

The children didn't look up at the sound of him and Barty getting inside, they were only trying to silence their cries and make themselves smaller as if that would help.

Regulus' attention was taken from them as he noticed something odd on the parents' bodies. “They are moving.” It was only small twitches, spasms, an occasional groan or yelp, but there was no doubt they were still alive. “You didn't kill them?”

“Nha, cruciatus is more fun.” Barty leaned over the woman's dazed eyes and poured alcohol over her face before spitting into her mouth. 

Regulus wanted to tell him to stop. Instead he stayed silent watching with his mouth agape. 

“Don't look at me that way.” Barty finally seemed to notice his horror. “This isn't like your little assassin missions. We come here to be destructive, not efficient.”

“Raids didn't used to be like this.” You didn't used to be like this .

Barty groaned. “You haven't come to a raid in almost a year, and before you went in how many? Two? Those were nothing. We were just boys without creativity.”

At the time they had felt like a lot. Burning houses and throwing the killing curse around. They had no torture, or if they had it was a few seconds before the killing. Only half a dozen muggles died before the aurors arrived, the fight was the real attraction.

He hadn't been around to watch the creativity rise. The aurors became too overwhelmed to stop the cruelty from flourishing. 

He should have known, he could have seen what was in front of him. Instead he chose to close his eyes and keep the raids as far as possible from his mind while letting Barty wrap his arm around his shoulder.

“What are you going to do with the children?”

“A bit of cruciatos, I saw darts we can use them as a dartboard, I also learned a curse that makes limbs rot that I have been dying to try,” Barty mused, “and I almost forgot, Mulciber wants to have it off with the girl.” At each passing moment that Regulus didn't reply Barty seemed to get a bit more sober, but not ashamed. “They are just muggles.”

Regulus didn't recognise the person in front of him. Barty's sadism had only been the reason for jokes and the occasional reproving glance. It wasn't a fucking joke anymore. It hadn't been for a long time. It was so stupid that he really believed that he would be able to change Barty´s mind in one night through the power of friendship. He was amazing at deluding himself.

It took all in him to change his laugh of panic and disbelief into one of mirth. “Merlin, I need to get used to raids, I'm acting like a pussy.”

“Yes, you are.” Barty joined the laughter in relief, the children sobbed harder at each of their words. “You got me worried for a second, I thought you were turning into Evan.”

Barty said the name like it was a slur.

“Evan didn't enjoy the raids?”

“He came but he was a stick in the mud,” Barty sneered, “ enough about him, he is gone, we don't need him.”

He wanted to keep speaking, even discuss the weather, anything to make him forget the children traumatised for life and the adults he doubted would ever be functional again. He couldn't. Wanting to ignore things because they weren't nice to look at was what had got him in such a mess in the first place.

“Let me deal with the children,” he said suddenly.

Barty frowned. “Really?”

“Yeah, I haven't been in a raid for so long. Go back there, drink a bit more and I will join after I have some fun.”

“As you wish,” Barty shrugged and moved to the door, “just don't have fun with the girl, Mulciber called dibs.”

He was going to be sick.

When the door finally closed he moved closer to the children very, very slowly. 

“Hey, it's fine, it's all right, I'm not going to hurt you.”

They didn't look any less scared. He took the mask once he realised that it was more terrifying than anything. “No one is going to hurt you, I won't let them.”

They kept not reacting to his words. They must have been in shock.

He could stun them and just say they were dead, but the animals outside would want to mangle the corpses.

“Kreacher,” he called.

The elf immediately appeared by his side looking completely lost. 

“Get me calming draught.” Regulus ordered without time to be nice about it.

“Calming drought? Master Regulus, Kreache-”

“Now!”

In a few moments a small bottle was in his hands. He kept reassuring the children everything would be okay, while forcing the potion down their throats. It had the desired effect, their shoulders relaxed and breathing became steadier. It was good, he wouldn't need to worry about them having a panic attack.

“Are you hurt?” He asked softly.

The boy nodded, still shaking a bit. “Arwa’s feet.”

Trying to touch them as few as possible, he took a look. It was a cut on the sole of the foot, she still had the piece of glass that caused the wound lodged in the flesh.

The girl whimpered when he took it off and made the wound heal itself under their incredulous eyes. “See? I'm here to help.”

The girl blinked away tears. “Can you do the same for mama and baba?”

That one hurt his soul. 

“Later, first you need to be safe.”

It was easier said than done. 

For a moment he considered sending everything to hell, holding them and blasting some other Death Eaters on the way out. There were so many reasons why he couldn't do that, still it would have felt great.

Loud bangs sounded from the door making the children wrap their arms around him. He was ready to use all his bullshiting abilities to convince Barty that the children needed to be let alive. 

Instead it was a blonde woman that kicked down the door.

“McKinnon?”

“Black?” Her confusion turned to aggression as she raised her wand. “Let go of the children.”

He slowly raised his hands while the children in question kept hugging him and hiding behind him like their life depended on it.

“What the hell?” McKinnon whispered. “Did you put a spell on them?”

“A spell to make them hug me? That's a new one.”

Sparks flew from her wand. “Drop the attitude.”

Another pair of footsteps approached and that time Regulus got to look at Sirius dishevelled hair and stupid leather jacket, he really took the damn thing everywhere. 

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asked, once again demonstrating that he had no neurons.

Regulus didn't think he could find himself in a more awkward position than when Sirius escaped and got them lost in the woods but apparently he had been wrong. “Im dancing, can't you see?”

All right, he should really follow her threat and drop the attitude. It was just so much easier to go to sarcasm instead of dealing with the mess on his chest.

McKinnon didn't seem sure where to point her wand, it kept changing from Regulus to Sirius to the door and the nothingness. “Sirius, what's going on?”

“I will explain later.” He turned back to Regulus. “You need to leave.”

“That's what I'm trying to do.”

“Good, go to my apartment and wait there. No one will find weird you disapearing with all the fighting outside.”

On another occasion he would have protested, but after everything he saw maybe doing what Sirius said wasn't such a bad idea.

He had just found out he was a much worse person than he originally thought. Sirius had his life on track, Sirius didn't kill, Sirius didn't join a death cult, all his offences pale in the face of that.

“Wait, you are not taking the children.” Sirius stopped him before he could apparate away.

Despite all the good things he had just thought about Sirius he still wasn't about to obey everything. “Yes I am, I'm not letting them here for a stray spell to hit them or a ceiling to fall on their head.”

Every scream and explosion from outside made the building foundations shake and gave him more reason.

“Fine, take them.”

“I hope no one kills me today,” McKinnon shook her head, “I really want to hear this story.”

Chapter Text

Regulus found himself sitting in Sirius' living room with Sirius himself, Lupin, Evans, McKinnon; and Meadowes, for some reason, he wasn't sure why the latter was there.

The children were sleeping on Sirius bed, they had basically collapsed after being given some water and crackers. Once they woke up there would be many questions no one wanted to answer.

“So he isn't evil anymore?” McKinnon pointed at him, it was hard to find someone more obnoxious than Sirius but she gave him a run for his money.

“Still mostly evil,” Lupin replied, not helping, “just slightly less. I would say it went from ninety six to eighty three percent.”  

“No one asked you,” Regulus grumbled under his breath.

Even with how low it had been Lupin still heard it. “Are you going to deny?”

Just after having the realisation that he was a truly awful person, he couldn't. All his killings, all the awful things he had done, he always found a way to justify them or at least downplay how bad they actually were. He could keep doing it, delusion was powerful, but the more he tried the more he realised he didn't want to.

When it became clear he wasn't going to answer, Meadowes spoke. “So you all knew about this double agent thing?”

“Us and James,” Lily answered.

McKinnon seemed to make some connections in her head. “Is that why he has been sick?”

Sirius nodded gravely. “He got hurt when he retrieved an horcrux.”

“What's an horcrux?”

“You found another horcrux?”

Regulus and McKinnon spoke at the same time.

Sirius took a hand to his temple as if he was getting an awful headache, just like their mother usually did, funny. “You would have known we did if you picked up the bloody mirror, I'm still mad about it by the way, and for the horcrux it is a long story.”

“We got time,” Meadowes deadpanned.

Regulus was happy to let the other three do the explaining. Sirius tried to brush off and move on quickly from the torture and their days in the woods, Regulus knew it wasn't for him but rather Sirius himself also not liking the topic, still he felt a little of missplaced gratitude. It would have been so easy to curse him to high heaven just there.

While they spoke he let his mind drift. That wasn't how he planned to spend the night. He had expected to be sitting with Barty in a pub, calmly explaining his point and convincing him to desert. How could he still have been so naive?

Barty had killed, tortured, raped, and Regulus had stood aside and let him have fun. He had done all of that because Regulus introduced him to the Death Eaters. Regulus had been the catalysis. All suffering Barty had ever caused was on his hands too. All of that for nothing, far absolutely nothing because he ended up turning his back on the cause after dragging along the only person that for some reason seemed to have blind faith in him.

It was always like that. Seeing the truth and then closing his eyes again. Holding on to unfounded faith. Faith that when his mother said she would learn to control her temper it would be true for once, that every argument would be the last, that he would learn to love the Dark Lord's cause like his cousins did, things would change for the better by themselves.

Nothing happened by itself.

“He has had some high fevers but he is better now.” Evans kept explaining, moving to Potter's condition. “Dumbledore said he won't die. His hand is the problem, we managed to not let the dark magic spread through the body but it's not healing.”

But if nothing happened by itself then what? He got Evan out but Evan had initiative, maybe it wasn't even possible to get Barty out anymore, there were lines and he had crossed all of them, but then Regulus also had. Every single bad thing Barty did was on him, he had been the beginning of the end, bringing everyone down and pretending to be helping. It couldnt be more obvious, he was still more worried about Barty than about the children whose lifes were ruined, the ones sleeping next door and all the others he didnt even know the name of that were killed, and even Potter, stupid, arrogant, awfull Potter was more worthy of care and and and fuck why couldnt he think clearly?!

“This is a lot to take in,” Meadowes leaned on the sofa, “ so what's next in the horcrux hunting business?”

Regulus, who until then had been trying to avoid eye contact with everyone, but especially her, snapped. “Nothing is next for you two, you have your explanations. It's over.”

“Yeah, sure.” McKinnon snorted and put her arm around Meadowes in a way that reminded Regulus of Barty. Great, everything reminded him of Barty. “We just found out a way to end the war, we are not going anywhere. Shouldn't we also tell Mary and Pete? It feels weird them being the only ones not knowing.”

“Do you also want to tell your mother?” 

“Maybe,” McKinnon leaned forwards, “she does love me a lot.”

The fucking bitch. He didn't look around to see the reactions to that comment, he kept his eyes on hers and assumed everyone found it hilarious. He wanted to punch her, no wand, just the feeling of bone breaking under his fist, he could pretend it was the Dark Lord, Barty, himself.

“I can't see why,” he replied.

McKinnon looked ready to give even a meaner answer but Evans was faster. “Let's keep the insults to a minimum, we are all adults.”

It was hard to be an adult when his chest hurt, it wasn't the same hurt of being punched, it was a hurt that made his stomach twist, his breathing hard and sitting still feel like pain. He was better than that, he knew very well the feeling of wanting to run away but he always managed to lock it all away and turn his face into stone, he only had to keep doing that.

They spoke more and more, an endless torrent of words that must have been important but he couldn't focus. 

At some point he got up with a weak excuse, bathroom, glass of water, he wasn't sure. He stopped in front of the bedroom the children were in, not entering, waiting for nothing. Because in the end, they were just another drop in a sea of blood, he tried to save their lives on a wim but helped thousands of others get killed. It wasn't a new realisation, so it just made him feel cold, like whatever was wrong with him inside manifested physically.

His hand ran through the wood of the door, a splinter carved into his thumb, it felt good, it was real at least. Better real pain from a wound he could see than the storm breaking his skull from inside.

Sirius would be mad, more than mad, he would want to rip him apart and burn the remains but he couldn't stay still much longer. 

Just a quick trip to put his mind in order. Fifteen minutes tops. Then he would come back, they would assume he was just taking a break from them, nothing else, yes, that would work.

It took him five tries to apparate outside the Crouch´s residence, his hands kept shaking too much, at least the cold was gone, even in the night air he found himself sweating.

The belly ache on the other side got progressively worse, when he knocked and Miss Crouch appeared he felt like he was facing the gallows and not the kind woman that always asked him if he wanted tea.

“Oh, Regulus, what brings you here so late?” She was wearing a robe and slipped, from behind he heard the crisp voice of Barthemius Crouch. “Martha, who is it?” For a moment she hesitated then sent the house elf beside her a silencing look. “No one, Love, wrong house.” Some curses about drunks and hooligans were heard then Crouch Sr`s voice disappeared. 

“Is Barty home?” Regulus didn't waste time.

Despite looking a bit taken aback by his abruptness she still answered. “He came back a bit ago, went straight to his room. Were you two together?”

“I need to see him.”

He could so easily push her out of the way, curse his way into Barty´s bedroom and then…he wasn't sure. He would be when the moment came.

Her expression turned into one of concern. “Are you alright? You look a bit pale, maybe I could get you some tea or-”

“-I'm fine.” He spit the words. “I just need to talk.”

She hesitated, enough that he started to make plans to climb the window but it wasn't necessary as the woman ended up relenting. Good manners be damned, he stormed inside the house and barged into the bedroom.

Barty was sprawled in bed in a way that reminded Regulus of a corpse. The sudden invasion of his room made him sit up a bit. “Came to check on me? Sweet but you should know some aurors aren't enough to make a scratch.”

And just like that Regulus saw red.

“Are you stupid?”

“What?” Barty had the nerve to look surprised.

Regulus took a step closer, his voice growing more dangerous with each word. “I asked, are you stupid? It's either that or you are making fun of my face.”

Barty raised his hands slowly in a mocking gesture of surrender, it was alway that, a mockery, a joke, just a little laugh. “Reg, I'm too hungover. Can we do this tomorrow?”

“No! We cant fucking to this tomorrow!” That finally got him the reaction he wanted. Barty jumped, his eyes widening and cast a muffliato on the door as Regulus was far from done. “You went into a raid drunk! Without a mask! Did you get your kicks?! Did you kill enough people to feel good!? What's wrong with you?!” No answer, he kept going. “You could have gotten killed! Or is that what you want? dying in battle would be the ultimate rebellion against daddy. You are not going on a raid again, do you hear me?”

Barty went from blink in astonishment to angry disbelief at the last sentence. “You can't tell me what to do. I'm an adult.”

“Then act like one.”

They faced each other. Regulus' mind finally wasn't a mess, he knew exactly what he wanted to do, he wanted to scream, be mean, let out all the pent up frustration and anger and if it ended in a physical fight he wouldn't complain. 

“You look like your mother.”

.

.

.

There had been a small laborious tread trying to hold him together that snapped right in that moment. He didn't want to scream anymore - he needed to destroy.

“What about your mother? She is downstairs, I could go tell her what her precious soon is up to. Do you think she would be proud?”

“You wouldn't dare.” It was working. Barty´s muscles tensed.

“What do you think she would do? Be proud of you? I doubt she has ever been that. I mean, what did you ever achieve? Quidditch team, you didn't get in. Also not very popular, you look like it but I know what people whisper behind your back.” He knew nothing, but truth wasn't important at the moment. “I guess your owls are impressive but you didn't do anything with them, you just followed me, like a dog, like you always do. Maybe your father is right, if you were my son I also would not be very proud.”

Each word made the right hit, he could see Barty crumbling slowly but surely, it was only a matter of time for him to lash back. But he never did, instead he spoke softly. “Why are you doing this? Why are you here?” Oh no, he didn't get to make him feel bad, not after that hellish night. “If you want me to stop going to raids I will….at least just for a bit, until we figure this out while I'm not pissed.”

Why is he not screaming?

“Is that all? After everything I just said to you, that's the best you got? Aren't you mad?”

“I don't think I can be mad at you.”

“Why!?”

“Because…you are my best friend.”

Regulus could have sworn that Barty was about to say something else. 

Best friends, that was what they were, for better and for worse, the three of them despite Barty claiming Evan to be dead already, and Regulus had a feeling things would still get worse.

“Can you tell me now why you are acting insane so I can punch you without the fear that you are experiencing psychosis?” Barty tried to approach but Regulus took a step back.

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

He was losing it.

There was no other explanation. He was going clinically insane.

He was always not right in the head, he could admit it. Maybe his mother had drank through pregnancy - no, she definitely had - or it was the inbreeding, or he didn't have the excuse of genetic factors, his personality was just a disease that corrupted not only the outside world but himself.

He hadn't even completed his plan of sneaking back into Sirius’. He left Barty’s house and went to sit in a random bench park. Alone. In the middle of the night.

It was completely empty except for some homeless people trying to get some. Wasn't it amazing that Regulus' life was likely even more messed up than theirs? It almost made him want to laugh.

He was sitting over his hands, they had long since gone numb but he couldn't find the will to move even an inch to remove them. He couldn't find the will to do anything.

If the universe was kind it would allow him to hide in a hole until the war was over and then some time after, until everyone alive had forgotten he ever existed.

For a single moment he considered it. 

Sirius and his friends seemed more than capable of finding the horcruxes on their own, and Merlin knew they didn't enjoy his help, or lack of it. Evan didn't want him around, Barty did but just because he didn't realize how sick both of them were. The only person that he could see being upset for more than the duration of the funeral would be his mother.

No, that would be cowardly. 

A fucking coward bastard to his core that was what he was. Minutes past the realization that he had been hiding from his actions and his first reaction was doing crazy shit and then wanting to run from the recogning. 

I'm starting to sound too self pitying, it's pathetic.

He prompted himself off the hardwood and started pacing. A homeless woman looked at him funny but he ignored, she could just assume he was a drug addict. It wasn't too far away from the truth.

What he needed to do was think small and close. From all his problems, which one was the most urgent?

Horcrux hunting? Too vague.

The children? Not exactly.

Talking to Barty? He still had some hours to prepare himself.

The fact that he was a fucking awfull person that didn't deserve the air he breathed? Nop, but that would be a very fun one to deal with after the war.

Getting back to Sirius’.

That was the thing he should have been doing as soon as he stopped making a fool of himself in Barty’s house. The way his throat closed and his breathing got difficult were not excuses. He was a Black for Merlin’s sake! His family could be a bunch of sadistic scum with delusions of grandeur but the only good value they had is that they didn't give up.

He still had use - despite all his flaws, he was a good spy and a good soldier. All the bad things he had done could never be atoned but if he could do anything even remotely good before his time ran out he had to try.

That time his hands didn't tremble when he apparated. 

He knocked at the door. 

For all his previous mental prep talk he was still too exhausted to climb a wall and come up with excuses.

Lupin was the one to open the door. “Where were you?” He didn't look surprised. Regulus wasn't sure how long he had been gone but it had obviously been too long.

“Went for a walk,” he shrugged as he went to sit back on the sofa, as far from everyone as possible, “did you decide anything while I was gone?”

MacKinnon mumbled something to Evans who shook her head. They were all looking at him like he had grown another head. He sat over his hands again, they were so bloody cold.

“Are you going to stare all night?” He snapped. 

“No, but you- I mean, what the-” McKinnon’s mumbling was stopped by Meadows pinching her. 

“We decided to leave the children with your cousin Andromeda, we called her and she agreed to take care of them until we have a better solution.” 

Regulus nodded politely ignoring the ever present discomfort of looking at her. “So we got two horcruxes. One was in a childhood home, the other with Lucius and Lucius is still alive so he told no one it got stolen.” He leaned back on his seat. “Bellatrix has one.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius spoke up.

“Do you think he would give an horcrux to Lucius before Bellatrix?”

Evans scratched her chin. “Where would she put it?”

“Maybe her house or-” A ray of inspiration struck him. “Lucius’ diary! It might have some clue.”

“Are you going to steal his diary?” Lupin tilted his head.

“What kind of criminal keeps a diary?” Sirius also said, less relevant but Regulus had to give to him it was a fair comment.

MacKinnon rolled her eyes. “A very dumb one.”

“Maybe he writes in it with a glitter pen while twisting his hair,” Meadows giggled, taking a finger to mimic the motion with a bad posh accent. “Hey, girl, I committed domestic terrorism today at the shopping centre.”

Regulus frowned. “What is a shopping centre?”

Evans’ snapping her fingers got their attention back. “People, we still have a war to end.”

Turns out coming back wasn't half as bad as Regulus had expected. They weren't that determined to go after him compared to finding horcruxes as he had convinced himself. If he held back on the mean comments and went straight to the point, interactions actually went quite smoothly.

It wasn't friendly. He still felt like he was speaking to them from the other side of an ice wall, but that was the best he could have hoped for. 

The next day he met Barty at Rosier manor and they said absolutely nothing. 

Barty tried to pull the subject of the invasion more than once but Regulus pushed it away until he gave up. It was a moment he wanted to erase from history, he hadn't come up with any good way to address it so he decided he wouldn't. 

“I was just so stressed with what happened earlier.”

“Seeing you without the mask got me pissed. Come on, don't do shit like that again.”

“I didn't sleep well, my parents screamed all day and night.”

“I even had an awful headache, you know how I get when I have a headache.”

“Don't worry about it.”

Barty didn't it buy, no one would but gave up trying to force something that wouldn't happen and soon enough was back to his normal self.

Regulus knew he had crossed lines, he just couldn't tell if Barty also saw it that way. He was very adept of the “just say things” politic, if he didn't like something he didn't hold a grudge silently, he raged and screamed for two days before either completely getting over it or declaring the person a mortal enemy. Regulus always liked that, it meant he didn't have to worry about deciphering social cues.

But Barty didn't look angry or even upset at all. He simply asked, “we are still friends, right?”

To which Regulus against all reason replied with, “of course.”

He couldn't look at Barty the same after what he saw, he also couldn't abandon him. Maybe Barty didn't deserve any redemption, he for sure didn't want one, but for a long time neither did Regulus. It was selfish, it would be unfair when Dumbledore honoured his promise and let Barty out with a slap on the wrist, but Regulus was selfish and he refused to abandon him. Either for guilt or friendship or any of the other stupid feelings that made his chest hurt all the time.

He didn't ask Evan because he didn't know what the answer would be and that scared him. In the future with a lot of patience they might be able to talk everything out, be friends again, in the right way - for someone who didn't like blind hope he was relying a lot on it to pull through.

Chapter Text

“Oi! Are you listening to me, mate?” Evan snapped his fingers in front of Regulus' face, making him flinch.

“I was,” Regulus hissed, cleaning with his sleeve the drops of juice that had spilled on the table. No alcohol in the safe house (another one of Moody’s rules) but teenagers had weird priorities and some dudes managed to brew their own thing so Evan had slipped something light onto his friend’s orange juice. He had been surprised when Regulus didn't protest but instead told him to add a little more.

Evan scoffed. “Then what was I talking about?”

“Ahm, something about Travers and…” Regulus' gaze was unfocused not from the drink, Evan hadn't added enough, but in that way he always got when he had more thoughts in his head than space and he would be up until dawn shifting on his bed and then denying it in the morning.

Evan was always of the opinion that Regulus overthought everything. It had driven him insane more than once how a simple innocent comment could be twisted by the other man into a veiled threat and he somehow managed to miss basic signs of human emotions.

Like frustration. Evan, at the moment, was getting very frustrated.

To be fair to Regulus it wasn't only his fault and he most likely had good reasons to be that spacy. Evan struggled to not feel restless nowadays. The other people at the house were a mixed bunch. He hadn't chosen then for friendship more of the “who wants to go come, all open” policy. Some were stupid annoying brainless coward that just wanted to run because they fucked up and others who actually didn't like the blood and violence. A few of them were actually very pro mudblo- muggle born, a girl had snapped at him the other day at dinner to say muggle born instead. Evan wasn't sure how he felt about all the blood purity thing anymore, just that he wanted to be far away from it.

Still he was caged. A prisoner with an okay bed and a few muggle trinkets to keep him company, sharing a small space with eleven people. Sometimes he regretted inviting many but then remembered that if he hadn't most of them would be dead. Still there was a limited amount of time a man could spend playing cards and complaining about the dirty dishes before going insane. 

He missed his house, it was never a very happy place. At least he never witnessed much happiness there, it might have been when his mother was still alive and his father didn't hate Evan for taking her from them, but it was still his. Old, in need of work and with that stupid roof Regulus always bitched about but undeniably his.

I'm being a selfish prick, he groaned mentally. Regulus was the one that pulled some miracle and got him a safe place to stay away from the bloodshed, he had no right to be all snappy and mean.

“So what's going on in the real world?” He said trying to put normality on his voice like they were two normal people and not child soldiers chatting in the living room of a safe house.

Regulus pinched his pinky, that was a new habit. “Lucius made a political move against McAllister. He sent evidence of the dude’s gambling problems to the Daily prophet. It must still be revenge for the Dobby thing. Did I tell you about the Dobby thing? It feels like it was ages ago, so basically I pretended I was drunk and-”

“I don't know or care what a Dobby is.” Even cut him. “I'm talking about important stuff. The war. The Dark Lord. Barty.”

There it went not being snappy. Fuck, his temper had never been so short before. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just worried.”

Regulus looked at him weird. The kind of weird where he stared at you unmovingly and unblinking with those icy eyes and you wondered whether he was internally cursing you or dissociating.

People were usually weirded out by that but Evan had grown to find it a bit endearing, except on the occasions where it was directed at him and the correct answer was the cursing.

Had Sirius delivered the message? Evan hopped so. Sirius Black was the complete opposite of reliable, although not wanting to play owl for the dude who tortured him was understable. Still Evan would feel better if Regulus knew for sure he was always invited to come along. Who was he kidding? More than invited, Evan craved company.

“Not much happened in the war, nothing relevant to us at least.” Regulus snapped him from his thoughts. “ The Dark Lord is still the same, the raids are still going, although bolder, and the ministry is as useless as always.”

“What about the things Dumbledore makes you do?” He asked tentatively.

His knowledge about Regulus’ involvement in the Order was next to zero. All the other had let slip up was that he had been forced to accept Sirius’ and his friends' help for something. Damn the paranoid bastard, Evan was curious.

“It's fine, I guess.” Regulus grimaced as he took another sip. “We have been making progress. Basically I walk in there silent and leave without a word.”

“Why the vow of silence?”

“It's better that way, otherwise we spend the whole day fighting… It's awkward."

Evan could picture him getting all defensive like a cat cornered by dogs. Those idiots must get a lot of empty stares. It would be fun if didn't stir a bit of his protective streak.

No matter how much Regulus himself and the rest of the world would like to believe - Black wasn't made of stone. Evan had heard him choking down sobs after a fight with family, and even comforted him on the occasions he was too exhausted to keep playing at the big bad heir.

“And Barty?”

At that Regulus went blank again. Oh, so that was what had been upsetting him.

“Evan…” Regulus started, slow and soft, whatever he was going to say next was what he had been mentally preparing himself the whole time. “You and Barty went on a lot of raids together?”

He flinched at the memories. Blood and fire and guts spilled on the pavement and he couldn't stop. No, he could, it was just that if he stopped he would be next. Their eyes never left him. The disgraced aristocrat that wasn't homeless only due to Regulus' charity. 

He was strong, violent, unable to climb a wall or lie to an auror but able to blow up a house with ease. 

“Yes, why?” He replied before the memories got too strong and the taste of ash on his mouth unbearable.

Regulus went still. “Children?” He gasped as if the word hurt him to say.

“What about children?”

“The other day Barty was…he…did any of you ever?”

He made an awkward hand movement that meant nothing but made Evan’s chest hurt. Regulus thought that he and Barty, it was reasonable but oh Merlin oh no. “No, nothing of that. I saw it happening, and Barty too, but I just saw…I didn't.”

A long silence stretched between them. 

“I don't know about Barty exactly, I know he didn't do that but…I swear I tried to do the least damage I could.”

Regulus didn't reply. What right has he to judge me? A lot. I saw it happening and did nothing. They would have killed me. I should have died. He would have done the same. He wouldn't.

The string of self depreciating thoughts was stopped by the low creaking sound of the loose floorboard. Travers’ dark curls made a quick apparition before she disappeared with a squeak.

“What's up with her?” Regulus raised an eyebrow. It was a weak attempt at diverting but Evan would take it.

“I think she has a crush on you.”

“Awful decision.”

“I know, right?” Evan let out a soft chuckle. “Im much more handsome.”

They laughed, almost real that time.

Evan went out and grabbed the cards again, or better he snatched them out of a boy’s hands but at the sight of Regulus he didn't complain. And for the rest of the evening they played. 

No war, no politics, instead stupid inside jokes and the knock off booze. It should feel wrong, they were killers who only by a miracle weren't on trial for war crimes, one of their best friends was still committing said war crimes and just between the two of them there were still unsaid things.

Evan couldn't care less about all that at the moment.

Actually, he caught himself thinking, while Regulus sneaked a card up his sleeve with a sloppy movement that showed he wasn't even trying, Evan wouldn't really mind more house arrest if he got company. 

Not that he would ever admit it out loud. If someone had told eleven years old him that he would grow so attached to the jerk who insulted his whole blood line and bribed him into friendship he would have cursed them.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Regulus asked suddenly.

Yes, please, Merlin, please, I'm so lonely. You can keep my bed and I sleep in the fireplace.

Instead of completely giving up his pride like that Evan shrugged. “Sure, as long as you don't mind sharing a mattress on the floor .”

“As long as no one snores.”

What was supposed to be a one time thing happened again and again and again far too many times to be wise.

The safe house was nothing special, cheap and obviously whoever put it together hadn't been very worried about the comfort of its inhabitants.

Still Regulus slept there basically every day of the week. He left for missions and Order work but his free time was all there. Evan never told him to piss off so he felt free to keep doing that. It was a bit like Hogwarts again but without classes and house problems and jerks trying to recruit him to a cult. 

His mother hated that his bedroom was always empty but he had so many excuses that even she couldn't argue back with him, she still tried and when failing turned her frustrations to Orion.

The house was so stuffy and hot that he and Evan grabbed a large mattress and tossed it on the floor to serve as bed for the both of them. In the morning some of the others came together to make breakfast using the convoluted house work division system Regulus had been mercifully excused from. The food was surprisingly decent, Regulus would have called Kreacher but didn't want to risk information leaks. Evan every day whispered in his ear like an annoying grandmother that he needed to eat more than two bites, or Regulus assumed it would be like that since his grandmother didn't care for him much while she was alive.

He was away for the day either helping the Dark Lord or conspiring against him.

He managed to bribe one of the goblins to let him know when Bellatrix had accessed her safe. They were very strict when it came to managing the money but checking transference records was more of a grey area.

She had gone a few times before Lucius had shown Regulus the diary and not made any cash withdrawal. They hadn't registered if she had left anything in the safe but she didn't have the habit to contemplate her gold so it was a safe assumption.

Of course he didn't know if she had left an horcrux or what the horcrux looked like, so there was a chance that even if he could steal from the most secure bank in England he would have no idea what he was supposed to steal. 

But one problem at a time. 

Then after a long day of sitting in a corner trying to make himself invisible only speaking to drop information and feeling walls close around him while Sirius and his friends joked around with each other, he returned.

Evan took out the deck of cards (they played cards very often) and called over the people of the safehouse he had handpicked as cool, Regulus had to give it to him most of them were bearable. If not cards they turned back to childhood with truth or dare, kiss marry kill or any other stupid idea they came up with while sipping the home made alcohol, like trying their luck with the weird box of moving images.

It made him feel normal in a way he shouldn't be able to.

Sitting perched on the couch in a second hand t-shirt laughing with a cup on his hand as Travers face went full red at him giving her a pat on the back while Evan sent him a shit eating grin while whispering “Casanova.” And someone had dropped a glass full of water on someone else’s head and there was muggle music playing and for a moment the idea of a war happening outside was so irreal it sounded like a bad joke and he wondered if that was how Sirius had felt in the Griffindor tower and how was even possible that for once Regulus was in the middle of the chaos and enjoying.

Maybe it was because he recognised the look on everyone’s eyes, the same he always saw in the mirror. Guilt, repulse, the knowledge they had done things that couldn't be undone yet they were still alive.

And if the universe was still allowing them to live just a bit more before judgement day then it was a matter of trying to make the most of it so they had something to show the judge after the war was done and death came to claim its dues.

James was pissed.

Scratch that, James was annoyed, James was irritable, James had a hand rotting with some curse no one knew how to solve so they had put him on babysitter duty with Pete.

He glanced at the gloves, soon it would be too warm for them to go unnoticed. Sometimes he wished he could just amputate, put on a prosthesis and go back to the fight.

“I don't know how you volunteered for this.” He grumbled. Loud rough voices could already be heard from inside.

Pete shrugged. “It's not so bad, some of them are nice.”

James made a sound between a scoff and a hmm.  

Nice would be the last work he would use to describe mini terrorists but Pete had always been the more charitable of the Marauders. 

The laughter stopped as soon as they entered the house and James hated it. He hated the way they looked at him. Not the ones that stared with hatred, those he understood, those he could stare back and gloat internally as they curled on themselves like the snakes they were. The ones that struck his nerves were the ones that glanced with fear, kept their heads low, flinched at his movements, tried their best to stay out of his way. He couldn't feel good because on those he could spot scars, could see the ghost of a pre teen Sirius on their wary eyes and he was no longer a mean teenager that enjoyed steeping on the weaker.

The only place where the noise hadn't ceased was the living room. James peeked inside and- that idiot.

Regulus was there, grinning like James wasn't even aware he was capable off. Rosier had an arm lazily draped over his shoulder and a group of three girls were telling a story that apparently was hilarious considering a boy choked on his water and had another one giving him rough slaps on the back that did nothing but increase the amusement of the crowd.

It was not like he expected everyone there to live in silent contemplation and seriousness. But…damn. These were murderers, they shouldn't be allowed to giggle like that.

Pete stepped inside, James almost told him to wait but was too late.

A boy grabbed Regulus by the back of his neck and slammed his face in a blanket. James' blood grew cold for a second before realizing Pete hadn't caught a glimpse of Regulus' face.

“Peter, come play a round with us!” One of the girls in Regulus’ group shouted cheerfully. 

Pete waved his hand with a smirk. “Maybe later, I have work to do now.”

She pouted but didn't insist more instead holding her stomach as Regulus reached blindly for his mask while his face was still being hidden with the blanket by a chuckling Rosier who was close to strangling him.

To what kind of twisted alternate dimension had James been sent too.

“So you are on a first name basis with them?” He turned to Pete, only then realised that all the hostile looks were directed solely at himself.

Pete blushed a bit. For the first time he was Mister Popularity and James didn't know what to say, he didn't like it. “With some, I told you some of them are nice.”

One of them was not nice at all and unfortunately was the one James needed to speak to.

Regulus had locked the disgusting silver mask around his head and was staring at James. In a mimic of what happened in the other rooms everyone went silent when they realized it wasn't forgiving Pete staring at them but James.

Half of them flinched, the other half glowered and the rare one or two, like Rosier, went very very still.

“We need to talk.” He didn't specify with who but it was very obvious.

Regulus stood up and followed him to the back of the house.

He tried to for once in his life plan his words. Lily had told him that the group meetings were going decently well, they didn't fight anymore, managed to focus on work and Regulus stopped skipping them. In her words, “I don't know what happened but he seems more…awake. Focused, like he accepted that this has to happen and better to get it over with. I rather like it, he comes, says his piece and leaves without problems.”

James found out that out of everyone Sirius was the one that didn't share that opinion. “He is closing in on himself, used to also do it at ho- back there. It's not a bad thing I guess, better than him going around insulting us, as long as he has some place to open up after, or else he starts to go insane.”

“More than usual?” James had laughed, to his surprise Sirius hadn't.

“He first goes maniac, I think you already saw a bit of it, but nothing worrying, not compared to…dont worry about that. He looks fine, probably goes to a pub after dealing with us or something."

Turns out Regulus did have a place to stop himself from losing it. He would remember to inform Sirius later. James wasn't sure what a Regulus who went over the maniac stage would look like but one thought about his murder ready eyes convinced him he never wanted to find out.

“Why didn't you have your mask on?” James asked.

“Everyone here knows who I am.”

“Pete doesn't.”