Work Text:
Ever since Blue gained consciousness in the world, the first feeling he was forced to ever be familiar with was chaos . How could you not when the first thing he would stumble upon waking up is a screaming match between his parents, accusations flying through the room, and sometimes he gets to hear things in his house crashing on the floor. He is all too familiar with all of these and that doesn’t mean it gets pleasant. For Blue, you just have to get used to the darkness enveloping you as you hide in the closet, hands on your ears, waiting for all of the noise to come to an end. And when it does, he gets to appreciate the temporary quietness that would follow and stay for a while in the unilluminated space in the closet.
Because seeing nothing but darkness was a whole lot better than seeing their cold faces basked in the rays of the sun passing through the windows of their kitchen.
And warmth goes two ways for Blue. He knows all too well the uncomfortable warmth that would fester through him inside out if the fights get too much as stress and panic overwhelms him as he curls under the covers of his bed.
But he also came to know the different kind of warmth that was so calm and mellow that he came to long for. That was when he met Red.
The first time he met Red was when he was seven, sitting under the shades of an old tree that was in his grandfather’s yard, holding a stuffed charmander plush toy to his chest as if he was playing by himself with it. The boy was alone, yet he didn't look lonely.
He just arrived at Pallet Town together with his sister, Daisy. It was the day that they will be fully taken in by their grandfather, Professor Oak, after the inevitable divorce of their parents, leaving their kids to the hands of their grandfather.
“Hey, who are you? My name’s Blue, by the way.”
The boy, suddenly intimidated under Blue’s stare, shyly hid his face behind the charmander plush toy that was held tightly between his hands. The boy did not respond to him but instead pointed at the shirt he was wearing. It took a few moments for Blue to understand that he was actually referring to the color of his shirt. Red. That was his name, Blue learned. Red had piqued his interest since that day because it was the first time he had met someone who’s also named after a color. Blue didn’t have the chance to talk more to him when a woman, his mother apparently, came to pick him up. He watched as the other boy held onto his mother and quietly walked with her towards their home. He also didn’t miss the way Red looked back to him, a spark of curiosity in his eyes.
“You can use this whenever you want to say something to me.” He said the next time he sees Red.
He had learned that the boy he had just met does not speak occasionally, according to his grandfather. So, when he sees him at the same spot in the yard behind the lab, he brings a notebook that seems to be not in use yet and a pencil. Blue sat beside him and offered the writing materials in front of him, holding his breath hoping he didn’t make the other uncomfortable. His breathing became light when he saw the small smile on his face for the first time, appreciating Blue’s gesture to him, gently taking the notebook from his hand.
A year has passed since then, and he and Red would be stuck together during most of the days. And in these times, he had observed quite a few things about Red. Although Red was quiet on the outside, he was actually quite the lively boy once you get to know him. He doesn’t fail to give Blue a soft smile with delight in his eyes whenever he goes to the Professor’s lab to see him. He also likes to give Blue a hug as a gesture of his appreciation. Because Blue was kind, Red had written once on the notebook and showed it to him. Blue snorted but accepted his hugs anyway. But to him, Red was the kind one. Red loved to help anyone in need, especially to pokemon. He would always help Blue in his chores in the lab and when there was one time that one of the pokemon got sick, Red didn't leave its side until it was energized back to its full health.
He was like the sun . Blue thinks. Both pokemon and people gravitated towards him without even saying a word. Even his sister, Daisy, who also started to treat him like her second baby brother. Not that Blue minded.
Maybe that’s when he realized that he had already gravitated to him since the first time he saw the boy with the charmander plush. Maybe that’s why he did not hesitate to walk up to him and introduced himself.
As time continued to pass by, Blue had also noticed his friend’s enormous love towards pokemon. Because whenever he sees Red all by himself, you really have to look closer to see that he wasn’t completely alone. He was always surrounded by the pokemon residing at the lab’s ranch, with most of them tended to him more and more each day. Blue also doesn’t fail to notice the full heartfelt grin the boy would always give to these pokemon. It was gentle and full of love .
And somehow a part of his heart ached.
He had unconsciously reached out his arm to the boy as he observed him from afar then immediately put it down, realizing how stupid he must have looked like. Red would always smile at him, but he has never given him that kind of smile yet. As stupid as Blue thinks of this, he kind of wanted to see Red smile like that towards him.
"Can I learn it with you?" He asked when Red had once approached him with the news that he will now have daily lessons and practice with sign language apparently. Red blinked at him, head tilting in wonder. Blue averted his eyes with a light tint of pink on his cheeks and stuttered, "W-Well you're my friend, and I would want to know where you will be most comfortable to communicate..."
Red gazed at him, his mouth slightly ajar. Blue wanted to tease him about catching some Butterfrees if he didn't close his mouth, but his breath hitched as he witnessed it slowly melt into a smile that he would only ever see when he was in the presence of Pokémon. It was the smile that overflowed with tenderness and brimmed with love. It radiated warmth and seemed to illuminate everything around them. It was the opposite of the cold smiles he had grown used to that he would always see between his parents.
In that moment, Blue felt his heart ache even more basking in the glow of that smile, a sensation that also ignited a flicker of desire within him.
Blue had read a tale once about a guy named Icarus who ignored his father’s warnings of flying too close to the sun. Icarus who was smart, yet foolish at the same time, did fly towards the sun which melted his wings made out of wax then ultimately led him towards his death. And he didn’t understand it. If Icarus was smart, then why did he even attempt to reach the sun? He cannot fathom what he would even achieve by doing so.
But now, Blue clearly sees it. He thinks he can now understand Icarus just a little bit.
Because Red was as bright as the sun, and he desired to grasp even more of his light. Away from the glooms of the shadows that he has grown to be surrounded with.
Even if it will burn him in the end.
Blue had seen how Red’s eyes glimmered in awe as they sat in front of the television in the living room of his friend’s house, watching an exhibition match between the Kanto champion back then against the champion of the Hoenn region. With the former winning the battle, Red turned to him, signing with his hand saying that he wants to be like the man in the tv who just won with his strong Charizard.
And, oh how Blue was selfish, so he smirked at him and said he was going to be a trainer too and become the champion, wanting to see those whole chocolate brown eyes gaze at him too with the same awe that he just witnessed. And when he did, Blue believed that he could do it, even if he had just said it in the spur of the moment.
Blue has always been the studious type. Growing up in a family of researchers, reading papers that weren't supposed to be enjoyed by children like him comes as easy to him in the long run. He knew no doubt that he was smart. However, in the times he had been (always) paying attention to Red, he knew that boy was different.
Blue was the first one to observe Red's innate ability to understand pokemon. Red would come running to him, excitedly showing him the list of observations and other niche details he’d come to know just by spending time with said creatures; fingers fidgeting excitedly as he points out each of them on the notebook that Blue gave to him. At the same time, Blue more so focused on comprehending the technicalities of EV’s and IV’s, a field that their school does not dive well into. He prefers it more because it is more scientifically logical and well-practiced among trainers in the competitive battlefield. It made a whole lot more sense than trying to see how tending and bonding with pokemon can make them strong, he doesn’t get it if he was being honest.
He was there to see how his friend can easily study and memorize pokemon types and type matchups and write it down quickly with no mistakes. Blue can also do it, but it all seems to come naturally with the dark haired boy. Professor Oak would praise them both equally, feeling his immense pride as the old man brags to the lab assistants on how there would be two geniuses setting out from Pallet Town soon in the future. He would assure them that the two of them would have no problem looking forward to the day their pokemon journey starts.
Regardless of his Gramp’s words, Blue still can’t help the unshakeable feeling of uncertainty towards himself creeping through his skin that would haunt him in some of the sleepless nights.
Blue had always watched the sun but he wasn’t blind to see that he was falling behind. Red was shining more brightly each day, and each day Blue felt himself drifting away.
"Gramps! I'm fed up with waiting!" Blue complains as he sees Professor Oak along with Red stepping inside the laboratory. The two of them, now thirteen, finally allowed to pick their first pokemon and step outside Pallet Town on their own. Despite having been waiting impatiently, he did let Red choose his pokemon before him, and as expected, he picks out a Charmander as his starter, and to counter his, Blue picks out the tiny blue turtle pokemon to his type advantage.
He checked Squirtle’s stats on his newly received pokedex afterwards. Feeling satisfied with it, he immediately challenges the quiet capped-boy into their first ever pokemon battle. He was confident that he would do well, and he did. Blue won.
Without batting an eye, he returned Squirtle to its pokeball, no longer needing it at the moment right after it won its battle for him. Putting the ball in the fanny pack attached to his waist, he moved his gaze towards his rival, expecting to see a sad smile, or any kind of look with a hint of disappointment after having to lose from him. Except it wasn’t.
Red was kneeling down to his Charmander, petting it on its head with an encouraging grin as if to say ‘you’ve done very well’. The fire pokemon cheered up despite being tired from its first battle, making the new trainer even more delighted, as if they didn’t just lose minutes ago.
Hazel colored eyes narrowed at the sight, leaving a bitter taste of fresh ash on his mouth on what it had just witnessed. Professor Oak congratulated them, but also extended an extra praise to Charmander's trainer for the extra care he showed towards his pokemon. He ignored his gramp’s words to him about doing the same to his pokemon, that whether he wins or loses a battle he should never forget to acknowledge them.
Rolling his eyes, he responds, “Yeah, yeah,” flapping his hands. “Anyways, I'll make my Pokémon battle to toughen it up! Red! Gramps! Smell ya later!"
Blue challenges Red again to a battle the next time he catches the sight of him wandering on Route 22, along with his new Pidgey he just caught, but this time, he loses. And that’s how their journey went on, whenever they met in any city or stumbled upon each other on any Routes, they would battle head on. Sometimes Blue wins, and most of the time Red takes the victory. Nevertheless, he always makes sure he is one step ahead. Being to the next city and having won a gym badge before Red.
Throughout his journey, Blue didn’t take long to fill up his team. After Pidgey, he caught a Rattata and a quite difficult Abra he chased on Route 24. He trained them to evolve into a Raticate and Kadabra after losing to Red on Nugget bridge, alongside with his Squirtle to Wartortle and Pidgey into a Pidgeotto. And when he watches Red leave after that battle, he didn’t even bother to ask about the Pikachu perched on its trainer’s shoulder instead of being returned to its ball.
Afterwards, he decided to send Raticate to his Gramp’s lab, replacing it with a Growlithe after thinking he needed a fire type among his team. He also added the Exeggcutor he caught with his last ball in the Safari Zone.
Then it wasn’t long when the news of Team Rocket members being rampant within the cities of Kanto reached him, stealing and forcing people to give their pokemon, exploiting them for money. Sure he felt bad, but it didn’t affect him, so why care to butt in their business anyway? He’ll just leave that job to the police, because that was the most sensible thing for anyone to do.
Well, except, that wasn’t the case for Red. Blue wasn’t even surprised if someone asked him. He had known how that boy loved pokemon with all of his heart that he even finds it ridiculous. So of course he is going to interfere with an evil organization that does the opposite on how he viewed pokemon. Even if it was just a single Caterpie having a small scratch, expect that guy to be there to tend it. Red was just like that.
All that being said, what shook him was finding out Red was willing to go far and invade Silph Co. and face their boss. He knows Red was strong, but he will be facing an adult with years of experience than him!
A reckless idiot, is what Blue thinks.
He might even bother to help if Red has just asked him to. Nevertheless, he still decided to go on ahead through Silph Co. first so he can push some grunts away to give way for Red to proceed quickly. He wishes him a goodluck when he meets him on the seventh floor, but without challenging him to a battle first. It was dumb, now that he thinks about it. However, it was also for Blue to calm the nerve-racking nervousness that he feels for Red that won’t stop bothering him.
And when Red, yet again, beats him, Blue is confident that his rival can make a stop on Team Rocket’s plans.
“I see you don’t still treat your pokemon with care.” Professor Oak states with a frown. Right after defeating the eight gym, Blue flew to Pallet Town after picking up a parcel upon the request of the old man. He updates him about his journey when he arrives, and at the mention of his pokemon, the face of his gramps sours.
He didn’t respond.
“You’ve become ignorant, Blue. I didn’t teach you to be like this” Samuel remarks. “If you keep this up, you’re not going to defeat Red.”
Blue clenches his jaw, and stills himself to keep his mouth shut. Yet, those words stung him, like fresh cigarettes being flicked of its ashes onto his skin.
The pokemon Professor sighs and observed him on the spot carefully. When Samuel had taken in his grandchildren back then, he knew he had to adjust, to be a parent again to these two children from which his son and daughter-in-law had failed to do so. Daisy was coping fine back then, so he was confident that she would be doing alright. Yet, when he looked at his grandson back then, he was worried. The boy looked saddeningly lost and confused .
So, he decided to bring them in on a day he knew little Red would come and play at his place. The professor thought maybe a friend might help his grandson to brighten up. His worries became light once he saw the two of them everyday at his yard, and Blue appeared happy, even if it didn’t show on the child’s face. At least, that’s what it looked like to him at the start. Samuel had always observed them from the window of his office, and there was something fickle in how Blue looked at Red. As those two got close over the years, there was this flicker of fear that he had once seen in Blue’s eyes, gazing at Red’s back as he watched him go home, like the other boy would disappear in thin air. And maybe Samuel should not have ignored that.
Because at that moment, his grandson reminded him of the little boy he once was. Lost and confused. And maybe even more . Something like desperation .
And, there it clicked, Samuel realizes what he should have a long time ago. Oh, my. Was Blue projecting on Red all this time?
Samuel opens his mouth with hesitation. “Blue…”, he trails. “Do they still… affect you?” he slowly asks, referring to the boy’s parents. And what a stupid question it was. He should have paid attention to his grandson’s turmoil.
“No.” Blue immediately answered, a bit too loud for his liking. Deciding he had enough of making his presence in the lab, he quickly announces his leave to avoid being further questioned about them .
Before stepping out of the small building, he turns with a smirk and says, “Don’t worry Gramps, I’ll beat the League and Red in no time, you’ll see.”
“ Be careful , Blue.” Samuel quickly warned. Said boy didn’t say anything but he knew Blue heard it anyway.
Months have passed since they started their journey and trained to be the strongest in each of their own ways. And right from the start, Blue has known that they will make it. Being the champion. It has been their goal ever since.
After acquiring the earth badge with the help of Rhydon, the last pokemon to fill up his team, he went to challenge passing through Victory Road. It was quite the challenge, he got to admit, but it’s nothing compared to the monster that he will face later on.
After healing his pokemon from the Nurse Joy stationed right after the entrance of Indigo Plateau, he didn’t waste time in challenging the first member of the Elite Four. The next three members were difficult, but then again, they weren’t something that Blue was not prepared for.
And he finally did it. Blue beat Lance and was now the Pokemon League Champion. It wouldn't take long for Red to show right in front of his face soon. And it will be the battle that was going to determine it all. And Blue was determined to give his all.
Just a little bit longer he will reach Red.
For this time, he will make the sun face him. He will prove that he is someone worth looking at, in spite of himself.
Blue’s head shot up when he heard the faintest sound of footsteps becoming louder and louder, echoing the walls each second. He hears the door sliding open and with the final click of footsteps coming from worn shoes– that’s been through many things from traveling the whole region– on the floors of the champion’s room, Red stands there. Those brown orbs that he knows so well stares at him dead set on.
Unfazed, Blue faces him with a smirk and lets out his Pidgeot.
Icarus was warned not to fly too close to the sun as it would burn his wings and make him fall to his doom. Similarly, when Gramps told him to be careful, he knew what those words meant. He knew he would destroy himself in the process if he continued on this path with stubbornness and arrogance. But he did otherwise. Just like Icarus, Blue turned deaf to his Gramp’s warning.
And perhaps he should have listened.
He watches as his Blastoise falls down to the floor, while the yellow rodent, albeit obviously tired, stands victorious on the opposite side of the battlefield.
Blue should have seen this coming, and maybe he already had. He had a plan, a strategy. He had worked up to figure out his team, arranged their type accordingly to outdo Red. Because he already knew from the very start that Red was some rare talent that would only appear once in a century. And somehow, he had a hunch that Red was destined for greatness, and maybe that is somehow proven when he had taken Giovanni down all by himself.
Blue returns Blastoise from his ball, and he had nothing to do now but congratulate the guy that kicked him from his champion position that he held for like an hour or two. He averts his look straight to his rival expecting to see the same smile that he had once seen flashed on his face from their first ever battle against each other.
Instead, it wasn’t.
Red was gazing down with a solemn look, face being shadowed by that stupid cap of his, with his Pikachu, blinking at his trainer in wonder.
And not once did Red even look back at him. Not even when Gramps arrived in the room.
Red stayed in that position with that same expression along with another that he recognizes too well. It was the same look he saw every single day back then casted on his parents' faces .
Disappointment.
And that look burned Blue more than anything.
Similar to Icarus, who flew foolishly close to the sun.
Blue chokes out a low sound that is something akin to a laugh and a sob. He didn’t care too much to tell. Because, really? Is that how it was? Was Red really that high and all mighty to even face his pathetic self?
He releases a painful breath, blinking away unshed tears.
Ah. Maybe that is how it was supposed to be.
He wanted to smack himself for not even realizing it sooner. Perhaps Blue wasn't trying to escape from the shadows that have engulfed him over time. Perhaps he was the shadow all along.
And it dawned on him that the sun never looks back on its shadow.
The once champion didn’t even bother to pay attention to his Gramps spouting nonsense again about forgetting to love and trust his pokemon. Love and trust, huh? He didn’t even have those. It was already pathetic from the very start.
With quiet steps, his shoulder brushed by Red and he could’ve sworn that he heard his name being called from the faintest and inaudible rasped voice. But he decided to leave that to his deluded head and walked out of the champion’s room without looking back, preserving on what’s left on his wings; the wings he built out of foolishness, desperation, desire, and maybe even love.
Because he would never be enough for Red as the same as he was never enough for his parents to stay.