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Chapter Text

               It had been a few days since Arthur came out of the Lake, in all his glory, dressed in his armour and his red cape. Merlin still couldn’t quite believe he wasn’t dreaming. It had been so long, he had waited all this time, alone, not knowing when his king would come back. And now, he was there, in his house, on his couch, reading a history book. Almost immediately after he had learnt how long he had been dead, Arthur had wanted to know everything that had happened during that time. He wanted to understand this new world he was in. Merlin bought him a few books that retraced European’s history as objectively as it could and he had been engrossed with them ever since.

               He watched him read, fondly, still trying to convince himself that he wouldn’t leave him again. He had promised, when they had stopped crying and hugging, that he would never abandon him again. In that moment, he had also confessed that he had loved him all this time, but had only just realised how much when he was dying. Merlin, of course, had understood his own feelings long before that and knowing that they were returned had made him the happiest man in the world. However, there was one thing they hadn’t really talked about yet. Magic.

               He didn’t really hide it, he just tried to use it as little as possible in front of him, not really sure how he would react or what he thought about it. Arthur didn’t seem angry with him anymore and he clearly didn’t seem to hate him, quite the opposite. He was so lost in his head that he didn’t realise the man in question had closed his book and was now looking at him.

“You shouldn’t think too much, Merlin, you’ll end up hurting yourself.” He teased, startling him.

“Prat.” He replied, scowling.

               Arthur got up from the couch and joined him at the table where he had been sitting silently. He sat down in the chair opposite him, gently taking his hand that laid on the wooden surface, intertwining their fingers and squeezing gently. That was another thing that had changed. Since his revival, he was much more physical, touching Merlin every chance he got. When they were in Camelot, he had come to realise that the king really didn’t know how to deal with affection but apparently, touch really was his love language. Not that he complained. He loved it when Arthur would touch his shoulder, brush his hair away from his face, squeeze his hand or kiss his cheek. He was once again lost in thought and didn’t realise he was being talked to until his love tugged on his hand, watching him expectantly.

“Sorry, what did you say?” He asked, shaking his head.

“I asked you what you were thinking about.” Arthur answered, smirking.

“Oh, well…” Merlin hesitated. “I was just…” he paused, not knowing what to say.

               Arthur’s eyes softened and he squeezed his hand gently.

“It’s alright, you can tell me anything, you know?”

“I… It’s just… since you came back, we haven’t really talked about…” He tried, making a vague gesture with his free hand, wiggling his fingers.

“Oh… you mean… magic?” Arthur tensed a little.

“Yeah, I think maybe we should? I mean… I still don’t really know what you think about it, you don’t seem so angry anymore but I haven’t really done anything in front of you since then so…”

               He didn’t finish his thought, unable to meet Arthur’s eyes, afraid of what he would see in them. None of them talked for a while, their hands still clasped together. Merlin was starting to stress, even though the soft touch reassured him a bit. He hadn’t let go of his hand, so it mustn’t be too bad. But still, the silence stretched and he felt his nerves rise and rise, the more time passed. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Arthur spoke.

“You’re right, we should talk about it.” He said, determined. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot, actually, ever since I came back. You’re right, I’m not angry anymore. I understand now why you didn’t tell me about it. It wasn’t really the magic that bothered me in the end. It was realising that I never really knew you, that you didn’t trust me completely.”

               Merlin lifted his head, looking directly into Arthur’s blue eyes. He saw the hurt in them, the same that he had seen after he had confessed to being a sorcerer a thousand years ago.

“But you do know me.” He replied, squeezing his hand. “Magic is a big part of me, yes, but magic or not, I’m still the same person. And… I did, do, trust you. It was never about that. Well, maybe at first, when I didn’t really know you, but then…I just didn’t want to hurt you and make you choose between me and your father’s law.”

               Arthur nodded his head, pursing his lips, and sighed.

“Could you… show me?” He asked, unsure.

               Smiling softly, Merlin nodded and let go of Arthur’s hand to bring both of his own together in front of him. He whispered a spell, watching his king’s eyes widen slightly when his own turned gold with magic. Opening his hands, a blue glowing butterfly got out, flying around them. He beamed as he saw Arthur’s look of wonder, his eyes following the magical creature with pure amazement.

“It’s beautiful.” He whispered, awed. Then, he turned his gaze back to Merlin. “You’re beautiful.” He added.

               The warlock felt his cheeks burn, averting his eyes shyly. It was the first time someone had called him that, the first time someone said that about his magic. That it was Arthur of all people filled his heart with love and affection. He felt a hand on his chin, lifting his face, meeting soft blue eyes that were looking at him with wonder. He closed his eyes as he felt lips touching his, just brushing at first, and then a bit more insistent. He responded eagerly, his hand curling around Arthur’s wrist, still holding his chin. It was tender and sweet, unhurried, as if they had all the time in the world. And they did.

               That night, they were cuddling in their bed (he didn’t think he would ever get used to that idea), Arthur on his back, his arm around him, his hand stroking his side softly. He had his head on his bare chest, his ear just above his heart to hear it beating, making sure he was still alive. Their hands were linked together. They didn’t talk, they didn’t need to, they just basked in the other’s presence, content, happy, in love. But then, Arthur shifted, turning on his side and watching Merlin, his face just a few inches away.

“Merlin… I want to know…” he started.

“Anything, I’ll tell you anything.” Merlin whispered, not wanting to break the soft atmosphere.

“I want to know everything. Everything you did for me, for Camelot, that I never knew. Please.”

               Merlin hesitated, thinking back to all he had done, all the good and the bad decisions he made. He was still a bit scared to share all of it with Arthur. He didn’t want to be hated. He looked in his king’s pleading eyes and couldn’t resist. He had said it, hadn’t he? He would tell him anything.

“All right, I’ll tell you.” He sighed. “But I want you to promise me, no matter what I reveal, please don’t hate me. I… I did some really bad things, some things I regret but all I ever wanted was to keep you safe.”

“Merlin,” he smiled softly, reassuringly. “We all did things we regret, things we didn’t want to. You’re the best person I know, no matter what, I could never hate you, I promise.”

“All right.” He nodded. “I’ll start at the beginning then, shall I?”

“That would probably be best.” Arthur chuckled.

“Right, so… Back in Uther’s time, the Purge had created a great imbalance. Too much magic had been lost to the world and so, it needed to right this. All the magic that was gone actually came back inside of a child. That child… was me. I was born with magic, as I told you. I remember my mother used to say that I would make things float around me when I was only a couple months old. Magic has always been something I did on instinct, at least until I came to Camelot. I never needed to use any spell, just concentrate and will it to do what I wanted. It’s in part why I didn’t have that much control over it.”

“You must have been a real terror of a child, then.” Arthur said, laughing lightly.

“You have no idea.” Merlin agreed, smiling. “My mum was actually more scared of what would happen to me though. So, ever since I was little, she always told me to never use my magic in front of anyone else but her. She was terrified that Cenred would find out about me and take me away to use as a slave, or worse, a weapon. Though, people in Ealdor still felt that something was weird with me, maybe they even suspected what I was but they never said anything. They didn’t like me very much and mostly avoided me, except Will.”

               He paused, closing his eyes, the grief of losing his best friend still hurting after all these years. Just like every other person he loved that had died, the hurt would never really go away. He felt a soft hand stroke his cheek comfortingly, tender lips coming to kiss his forehead, full of love and understanding. Arthur didn’t push, didn’t pressure him to continue and Merlin was grateful for it. He took a slightly shaky breath and opened his eyes again. He saw deep blue eyes looking at him softly and a small, encouraging smile grazing his king’s lips. He wanted to kiss them so bad but knew he would never continue if he went down this road.

“Will was the first person to find out about my magic after my mum. We were playing, like stupid boys, climbing in a tree, but a branch broke and Will fell. I didn’t really think at the time, just reacted and stopped him from plummeting to the ground and cracking his skull. When I realised what I had done, I was so scared that he would turn his back on me, but he never did. He just laughed and whooped and called me a hero. Since that day, I felt less alone and I could finally show my magic to someone else. But when my mum found out, she got really upset and she was so scared. Eventually, she relented a bit when she saw that nothing bad had happened to me. However, the more I grew up, the more my magic became strong and harder to keep under control. My mum was so afraid that someone else would find out about me that she sent me to Camelot.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Arthur interrupted. “She sent you to Camelot, where magic was illegal and punishable by death because you couldn’t control your magic?! How did she think that would be a good idea?!”

“Yeah, I know, it really sounds like a stupid plan.” Merlin chuckled. “But she knew Gaius, they used to be friends and she had hoped that he would be able to teach me things she couldn’t and help me control my magic, maybe even help me find a purpose for it.”

“Okay… that still sounds like a pretty stupid idea but I think I get it.” Arthur grumbled, making Merlin laugh out loud.

“Well, I’m pretty glad she sent me there, because I would probably never have met you if she hadn’t.”

               Arthur’s eyes softened at that, the same small smile from earlier coming back to illuminate his handsome face.

“You’re right, it did end up being a good idea.”

“Yeah, I think so too. Anyway. The day I arrived in Camelot, I was completely amazed by everything I saw. It was such a big change from Ealdor, this big city with people everywhere, buzzing around, chatting, laughing… So many things I had never seen. And then… I arrived in the courtyard and your father was standing on the balcony, speaking about crimes and justice, and a man was executed for practicing magic.” He finished, a bit more sombre.

“Oh gods… that must have been awful.” Arthur whispered. “The very first memory you had of Camelot was witnessing the slaughtering of your own kind…”

“Yeah…” Merlin swallowed roughly. “Pretty bad first impression, indeed. I quickly left the place and went to find Gaius. When I entered his rooms, he was on a shelf, looking for a book and when I called for him, he was so shocked that he startled and fell backwards. So, I used my magic to slow down time and brought a bed under him to cushion his fall. That’s how he found out about my magic. He proceeded to ask me a lot of questions about it. He didn’t know anything I did was possible at all so he had a hard time believing it, but when he realised I was Hunith’s son, he welcomed me.”

“You… slowed down time?” Arthur asked in disbelief. “You can actually do that?”

“Yeah.” Merlin answered sheepishly, blushing a bit and scratching the back of his neck nervously. “That’s actually how I saved your life the first time.”

“How you…” Arthur stopped himself. “Okay, just continue with your story, I guess we’ll get to that part soon enough.”

“We will.” Merlin smiled. “So, Gaius warned me about using magic in Camelot of course and he took me in as his apprentice. Then, I went back outside to visit a bit and… well, that’s when I first saw you, using that poor Morris as a target for practice and acting like an awful bully and I ended up in a cell.”

“You should have watched your mouth.” Arthur teased him. “Also, it was really stupid to provoke the son of the man who would have seen you dead on a pyre.”

“First of all, you deserved it. Second, I had no idea who you were at the time, I just knew you were a prat. And thirdly, Gaius lectured me about this when he came to get me out in exchange of a day in the stocks so I already heard all about it. Anyway, that was also when I started hearing a voice calling my name. Turned out it was the Great Dragon, Kilgharrah, that was chained under the castle. He’s the one who told me that you and I shared a destiny and that it was my job to protect you and help you become the greatest king Albion had ever known. Of course, I didn’t believe him at the time, you were so arrogant, you couldn’t be the man I was supposed to protect.”

“Tell me, Merlin.” Arthur drawled. “Isn’t that dragon the same one that nearly burned Camelot to the ground?”

“I… we’ll get to that part… eventually…” Merlin chuckled nervously. “Anyway, at the banquet with Lady Helen, when she started singing, everyone started falling asleep, so I blocked my ears to avoid hearing her voice. When I realised she was about to throw a knife at you, I used magic to cut down the chandelier that fell on her. That’s when her magic stopped having an effect and you all woke up. But she wasn’t dead and tried to attack you again, that’s when I slowed down time to push you out of the way.”

“You used magic in a room full of nobles and in front of my father just the first week you were in Camelot?!” Arthur screeched. “Are you completely mad? Don’t you have any self-preservation?!”

“Well, I couldn’t let you die, could I? I mean, I didn’t like you very much at the time but still! And nobody saw it, your father even thanked me by making me your manservant. By the way, how was that supposed to be a reward?”

“Being part of the royal household is an honour Merlin, you should know that.” Arthur grinned.

“An honour, my ass.” Merlin replied, his smile betraying his real thoughts.

               Arthur’s grin widened and this time, Merlin didn’t stop himself from kissing the smile. They hugged each other tightly, relishing in the feeling of being here, together, alive. When they broke apart to breathe some much-needed air, Merlin yawned, suddenly feeling exhausted. Arthur’s smile turned soft and loving and he pecked him one last time on the lips.

“We should get some sleep, you’ll continue your story tomorrow, okay?” He said lovingly.

“All right.” Merlin replied, yawning again. “Goodnight, my king.”

               He closed his eyes, burrowing his head in Arthur’s chest, strong arms enveloping him and started to drift away, barely catching Arthur’s soft voice whispering “Goodnight, my love” in his ear.

Chapter Text

               The next evening, after dinner, they found themselves in their bed once again, tangled together. Arthur was looking at Merlin expectantly, waiting for him to pick up where he had left off the last time. He was so eager to know every little detail of what his warlock had done, wanting to finally know him completely, all the good and the bad, just as Merlin knew everything about him.

“So…” Merlin started. “You remember Valiant?”

“Oh yes, the knight with the snaky shield.” Arthur answered.

“Yeah, him. So… actually, you know most of what happened with him, his snakes bit Sir Ewan, Gaius needed the snake to make the antidote and we needed Ewan’s testimony for you and your father to believe us. So, I went in Valiant’s chambers during the feast, used magic to unlock the door and when one of the snakes came out of the shield to attack me, I used a sword to cut its head. I brought it back to Gaius and then to you as proof of my accusations. Of course, when you exposed it to your father, Ewan died and couldn’t confirm your words so he didn’t believe you and you sacked me.” Merlin summed up.

“I remember that, yes.” Arthur said, guilt gnawing at his insides at the memory of what he had said to Merlin at that time. “Merlin, I’m so-“

“Don’t.” Merlin interrupted, pecking his lips softly to stop his words. “You already apologised for that when you realised that I was right. It’s okay, it’s done and it was a long time ago. I forgave you immediately. Now, let me continue my story or we’ll never see the end of it.” He added teasingly, making Arthur chuckle and nod in response. “Good, now, while I was busy sulking in the courtyard, Gwen came to talk to me, asking what I was gonna do to save your sorry arse. And that’s when I spotted the statue of a dog with a shield and it gave me an idea. If no one believed me then I’d just have to show everyone the truth. So I took it, brought it to my chambers and started to practise a spell I found in the book Gaius gave me in reward for saving your life the first time. It took me all night until I could finally do it.”

“I thought you were the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth?” Arthur asked, curious and a bit teasing too. “Wouldn’t that kind of simple spell be easy for you?”

“Well… now, yeah, I could probably even do it without any incantation but at the time… I had spent my whole life being careful and not using my magic unless I really had to or when I was alone. I didn’t really have that much practice and I was never that aware of my true potential so, it was a bit harder. But someone else would have probably needed a lot more time than I did to learn that spell, you know?”

“That makes sense, yeah… You were out of shape in a way, just like a knight who would never have been able to train regularly.”

“Yes, exactly! So, as soon as I knew I could do the spell, I left my room, with the dog in it, and I arrived just in time to see you fight him. I used the spell on his shield to make the snakes come out and you know the rest.”

“You really have no sense of self-preservation whatsoever.” Arthur sighed, though he was smiling. “How you were never discovered while using magic blatantly in front of everyone is a mystery to me.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t really careful, but people were pretty oblivious too.” Merlin grinned cheekily. “And that includes you, you’ll see.”

               Arthur didn’t bother answering the taunt but decided that Merlin needed to be taught a lesson on insolence, so he put his fingers on his sides and started tickling him. Merlin immediately squealed, writhing under him, trying to escape his torturous fingers, both of them laughing. He continued until Merlin begged him to stop, apologising between peels of laughter and Arthur finally relented, allowing the warlock to breathe again, still chuckling. Once they had mostly calmed down, Arthur realised that he was missing something.

“How did you even know about Valiant’s shield?” He asked.

“Oh, well, the first time I thought something was weird, I was in the armoury, bringing back your armour, and I heard a hissing noise coming from his shield. When I went to watch it more closely, I saw one of the painted snakes blink. I wasn’t sure if I had seen it correctly at first but Valiant entered at that moment and asked me what I was doing and threatened me with his sword. I apologised to him but he seemed really defensive just for a servant admiring his shield, it was strange. So, the evening after Ewan was bitten, I followed him to his chambers and spied on him through his opened door. That’s when I saw the snakes coming out of the shield and Valiant feeding them a mouse. He almost saw me that time, too, that’s when I went back to Gaius to tell him everything. I wanted to tell you and Uther what I saw at the moment, but he told me that without proof, no one would believe the word of a servant against the word of a knight.” He finished.

“Unfortunately, he was right, at least regarding my father…” Arthur sighed. “And I wasn’t really better than him on that matter most of the time…”

“You were trying your best with everything he had taught you.” Merlin reassured, his hand coming up to stroke his cheek gently. “And I know you took my words into account, even though you didn’t always listen to it, because you are still a stubborn prat.”

“I’ll show you who is a stubborn prat, you insolent little shit.” Arthur warned, trying to reign in his smile, kissing Merlin’s impertinent mouth to shut him up.

               At first, they were both smiling so much that it was hard to kiss for real, but slowly, passion and desire took the place of the laughter and the kisses grew more and more intense. They tumbled in the sheets, mouths never separating, hands mapping gently each other’s bodies, trying to commit every single detail to memory.

               They ended up falling asleep, a few hours later, tired but happy and content, snuggled close together, a small smile adorning their sleeping faces.

Chapter Text

               Merlin was starting to enjoy this new little tradition they had. The next day, they were once again both in bed and Arthur was already looking impatient to hear his next story. He looked so much like a child, ready for his bedtime story and it made him smile too.

“So… there was this plague, killing people in the lower town at first and then in the castle too.” He began. “Gaius was trying to find out how it was spread and how to cure it, but I was so desperate to help… How could I watch all these people die, knowing I could cure them? And then, Gwen’s father was ill, and she was so scared and sad. I couldn’t bear it. So, I slipped away at night, using my magic to distract guards and I went to her house. She was sleeping next to her father’s bed. I used a magic poultice to heal him.”

“Of course, that was you, you selfless fool.” Arthur smiled, before his eyes widened. “You admitted it! That day, after Gwen was thrown in a cell, you interrupted the council to tell my father that it was you! You said you had magic to the KING!”

“Yeah, well, he didn’t believe me, thanks to you.” Merlin mumbled.

“Yes, thanks to me! Gods, you were so obvious, how did you stay alive all these years? You told the king that would’ve killed you that you had magic only a few weeks after your arrival. That must be the most stupid thing to do!” Arthur screeched.

“Yes, I know, Gaius gave me a sermon too, don’t worry.” He said, feeling like a child being reprimanded. “I just didn’t want Gwen to die because of me and I didn’t know what else to do at the time.”

“I understand.” Arthur sighed. “Still… if I hadn’t told my father you were in love with her you… You were never in love with her.” Arthur realised. 

“No, never.” Merlin chuckled. “I think she may have had a crush on me at the time though, but that’s not the point. After that… incident… Gaius and I went to inspect the water supplies and that’s how we discovered the Afanc. I went to see Kilgharrah to ask him how we could defeat it but of course, he was cryptic as always, damn dragon. He said that I needed your help and that I should look into the elements. Gaius helped me understand that we needed air and fire, because the Afanc is a creature born of earth and water. Morgana came to see us because she was scared for Gwen and we told her that we needed you, so she proposed to be the one to deal with you.”

“Ah, yes, I remember this conversation. She always knew how to rile me up.” Arthur finished, a bit sadly.

“She did.” Merlin nodded, squeezing his hand comfortingly. “When we were facing the Afanc, you used the fire of the torch and I used my magic to create a gush of wind.”

“So, that means, you couldn’t have done this without me.” Arthur smiled, teasingly. “I knew you needed me, always your knight in shining armour.”

“Prat.” Merlin grinned, shoving him playfully. “Anyway, that’s how Gaius discovered that the Afanc had been created by a powerful sorceress, called Nimueh.”

“I remember that name.” Arthur said, thoughtfully.

“Yeah, that will be for the next story, tomorrow.” 

“What? But that one was so short and I’m not even tired!” Arthur protested, pouting like a little boy. “Come on, Merlin, please, tell me another one!”

               Merlin laughed out loud at the former king’s pleading tone and pouty lips. He looked so adorable like this, with his hair already a bit messed up from lying on the pillow. He bit his lip, trying to refrain from smiling like a lovesick fool, until he remembered that it was just them and he didn’t have to hide how he felt from Arthur anymore. He let the smile stretch on his lips and kissed Arthur’s pout away softly. When they broke apart, Arthur’s blue eyes were soft and shining with affection, as Merlin’s probably were.

“All right,” he agreed. “I’ll tell you another. And the next one is directly linked to these events, so I guess that’s good.”

“See, I’m a genius.” Arthur smiled triumphantly.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that. So, Nimueh wasn’t really happy with me for stopping her plans, so she disguised herself as a servant in King Bayard’s service when he came to Camelot. Of course, I didn’t know what she looked like at the time and I’m pretty sure she used magic to make people more suggestible to her words. The first time I saw her, she had dropped some sheets she was carrying and I helped her pick them up. During the feast, she’s the one who called me and told me that Bayard had poisoned your drink.”

“I still can’t believe you drank it knowing it would probably kill you…” Arthur said, frowning. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I had to save you. Your life was always worth more than mine.” Merlin smiled self-deprecatingly.

“Never say that again.” Arthur gripped his shoulders, looking fiercely in his eyes. “Your life is not worth less than mine and never was.”

               Merlin dropped his gaze, unable to withhold Arthur’s intense staring. He took one of the hands still gripping his shoulders in his own and brought to his lips, kissing it lightly.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. But I still would have done it anyway. I already cared a lot about you at the time.”

               Arthur smiled and Merlin knew he was forgiven. He placed one last kiss on his hand and looked back up at him with a small smile. 

“I don’t really know a lot of what happened after that, I was unconscious.” He chuckled. “I only know what Gaius told me. You went in search of the Mortaeus flower but he didn’t really know what you did out there. Maybe it’s your turn to tell me a story.”

“You know Merlin, if you needed a bedtime story too, you could have just asked.” Arthur teased. “But if you must know, I went to the caves of Balor, where the flower could be found. There, I met a young woman that seemed to be lost. She told me she had fled her master and I offered to accompany her, once my mission was over. That’s when a creature attacked us. Gaius had warned me about it, it was the guardian of the caves or something. Anyway, I killed it and the girl offered to show me where to find the flowers. When we arrived, I went to get them but she started speaking in a weird language and then the ground went out from under me and I was dangling from the wall of the cave. She summoned giant spiders and then left me there to die, I guess. I couldn’t see well in the dark and I thought I would never get out of there. But then, a ball of light came floating above me and guided my way to the exit. That’s how I survived and was able to bring back the flower. Of course, my father was angry at me for disobeying his orders, so he put me in a cell and when I asked him to bring you the flower anyway, he just let it fall on the ground. Fortunately, I was able to reach it and give it to Gwen when she brought me some food.”

“That was me.” Merlin said, a bit awed.

“What?”

“The ball of light. Gaius told me that while I was unconscious, I kept incanting spells and saying your name or things like ‘It’s a trap’ or ‘Keep going’. He also said that at one point, he removed the cover from me and saw a ball of light in my hand. I don’t really know how I was able to do that, but it seems that my magic somehow knew you were in danger and sent you some help.” He explained, feeling his cheeks heat up.

               To distract himself from the embarrassment, he lifted his hand and murmured a spell, the same ball of light appearing in his palm. Arthur stared at it in shock, lifting his own hand to reach for it, fingers skimming over it.

“It was you…” He whispered, looking in Merlin’s eyes. “You saved my life twice that day…”

“No need to keep count.” Merlin blushed brightly, before clearing his throat, the light fading away. “Anyway, um, the woman you saw that day, that was Nimueh.”

“Of course, it was.” Arthur said, serious once again. “So, what happened next?”

“Well, when I woke up, Gaius and Gwen were hugging and I told them it was gross and then, Gwen just threw herself at me and kissed me.” Merlin grinned a bit tauntingly, a slight blush still on his cheeks. “I told you she had a crush on me at first.”

“Yeah, don’t look so smug Merlin.” Arthur grumbled, making the warlock laugh.

“Oh, come on, don’t be jealous.” He teased, kissing his nose. “Even back then I only had eyes for you.” He added in a low voice.

“I’m not jealous.” Arthur replied, blushing. “Anyway, it’s getting late, we should sleep.”

“As you wish, sire.”

               They kept teasing and pushing each other until they finally settled down together, once again tangled together, holding each other close, their hearts beating as one.

Chapter Text

               That evening, Arthur took Merlin to bed early, eager to hear the rest of his story. He couldn’t get enough of these adventures. The pain from all the secrets had gone away a long time ago and he was left with only curiosity of what his friend, his love, had done to save him and Camelot all those years ago. He knew that it was only the beginning and that he would probably also discover some hard truths, but he felt ready to face them, should they come to his attention. He loved Merlin so much, had denied his feelings for so long. Now that he was able to live them freely, he would make sure that nothing ever came between them again. They had been given a second chance and he would make the most of it. And after everything Merlin had done, had sacrificed for him, he owed him to stay free of as much judgement as he could.

“I’m listening, oh master storyteller.” He teased, looking expectantly.

“So impatient, my lord.” Merlin taunted right back, smiling. How he managed to make honorifics sound like insults, he would never know. “Okay, well, I was picking up herbs and mushrooms for Gaius when I was attacked by a giant winged beast. I really thought I was going to die that day, but then, a man appeared before me and tried to fight the beast. When his sword shattered against its skin, he helped me up and we ran to safety. I thanked him for saving my life, we introduced ourselves but he was wounded and he passed out. So, I brought him to Gaius to get him healed. And when he woke up, he told me about his past and how he had dreamt of coming to Camelot to become a knight.”

“I think I know where this is going.” Arthur smiled a bit sadly at the memories. “This man was Lancelot, right?”

“Yes.” Merlin’s smile turned a bit sad too. “I owed him my life so I spoke to you about him and then you told me that only nobles could be granted knighthood. So I did the only thing I could for him. I knew I could help bend the rules to get him a chance to prove his worth.”

“You used magic to forge his seal of nobility.” Arthur nodded, understanding.

“I did, I went in Geoffrey’s library, found the book containing all the seals and used magic to forge one for him. He wasn’t really keen to do it at first but I encouraged him. Gaius wasn’t very happy with me of course, but Lancelot proved himself and when he succeeded, I was so proud and happy for him. He deserved it, no matter his birth.” Merlin’s smile was a proud one indeed, making Arthur’s heart flutter.

“I have to say, while it brought its good share of bad things, I was glad to have known him and been able to knight him again after everything. He really was the most noble knight I’ve ever known.”

“He was. He really was…”

               He became lost in thought, in memories, probably, and Arthur let him. He knew Lancelot and Merlin had been close, always had some kind of bond. His death had most certainly affected him greatly. He had affected all of them. 

               Merlin shook his head, as if trying to get the images away. He looked at Arthur and smiled softly, eyes shining with emotions.

“Anyway, when the beast arrived at Camelot and Gaius found out it was a Griffin, he also said that only magic could kill it. It had to be me, of course, so I spent hours with him trying to learn a spell that could enchant a weapon and slay the monster. We were interrupted by Lancelot who came looking for me, saying you had gone after it and that we had to help you. So we did and when Lancelot used his lance against it, I used the spell to enchant it. The beast was slayed, you were safe, Camelot too.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised that it was you that did that too.” Arthur chuckled.

“Yeah, you’ll have to get used to it.” Merlin laughed. “But… Lancelot found out, that day. He told me he had heard me incant the spell. He swore that he would keep my secret but didn’t want to take credit for something he hadn’t done… that’s why he left.”

“He knew…” Arthur murmured.

               Suddenly, so much made sense. The bond they had, the way Merlin always seemed so happy to be around Lancelot, how they were talking together sometimes. Lancelot knew Merlin’s secret. Arthur felt a small twinge in his chest at the thought. Apparently, a bit of the pain still lingered. He was glad Merlin had had someone else that could understand him and with whom he could be true but it still hurt a bit that it wasn’t him. The only thing that eased it a bit, was that Merlin hadn’t been planning on telling Lancelot, he had just found out. Just like Gaius had. This thought made him smile.

“You really were hopeless at hiding your magic, weren’t you?” He grinned.

“Oh, shove off.” Merlin blushed. “Not that many people found out about my magic, I was able to hide it for ten years, wasn’t I?”

“I’m starting to wonder how you succeeded.” Arthur laughed.

“You were just oblivious.” Merlin grinned teasingly. “You were all so sure that magic was evil and bad that you couldn’t see it when it was used for good.”

“That-“ Arthur started, indignant. “Might be true.” He admitted finally, making Merlin laugh out loud.

“You know…” Merlin said, suddenly more serious. “You are actually the only person I ever actually told about my magic. Everyone else just knew it before I ever met them or they found out, but I never really had the chance to tell anyone, consciously, about it. It was only you.”

               Merlin was looking at him, his gaze intense, as if willing Arthur to understand. And Arthur did. Suddenly, the last small hurt that had lingered in his heart at the idea that Lancelot knew disappeared, replaced by warmth and love so strong it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. Merlin had chosen to tell him. To tell him. And even though he had already understood that it had never been about Merlin not trusting him, this information only cemented that idea. Merlin had trusted him enough to choose to tell him. And it had probably been too late, because Arthur was dying, but still. At the end he had told him.

               He could feel his eyes grow wet but willed the tears away and smiled at Merlin, who grinned right back, as if he understood everything Arthur was thinking but didn’t know how to say. So he decided to just show him, in the only way he knew, and kissed him, slowly, full of intent, trying to convey every word he was unable to say out loud. And Merlin kissed him right back, with as much emotion and silent words of love and devotion.

Chapter Text

“Do you remember when Morgana was ill and Gaius didn’t know how to heal her?” Merlin asks Arthur that night, once they are in bed.

               The mention of Morgana still hurt both of them, he could tell in the way Arthur’s eyes clouded with sadness for just a few seconds before focusing on him once again. He nodded, gulping, as if he could just swallow his emotions to make them go away.

“Do you remember the man that healed her?” He added.

“Yes, the man who pretended he had a remedy that could cure all ills.” Arthur answered. “His name was Edwin, right?”

“That’s him, yes. You do have a good memory.” Merlin teased lightly, feeling some of the tension ease away from them. “So, Edwin was a sorcerer and it was actually him who was responsible for her illness but I didn’t know it at the time. He saw me use magic and told me that he could teach me things and help me reach my potential. But then, Gaius was being relieved of his duties and leaving Camelot and I didn’t understand why. Until the evening your father was ill too.”

“So, it was Edwin’s doing…” Arthur guessed. “Why would he do that?”

“Gaius told me that his parents had been burnt at the stake and that he had to watch them burn. He had tried to save them too, that’s how he got his scars.” Merlin explained. “He wanted to avenge them. He had threatened Gaius to reveal my secret to the King, that’s why he left. But he changed his mind and came back to stop him. When I arrived in Edwin's chambers, Gaius was there, surrounded by flames. Edwin tried to convince me to join him, but when I refused, he used his magic to throw an axe at me. I stopped it with my own magic and…”

               The memories from that night came back vividly in his mind. He remembered everything as clearly as if it had happened just yesterday. The flames. Gaius. The axe. Edwin. He remembered how the weapon had flown back towards the sorcerer, hitting his target with deadly precision. At that moment, he didn’t really have the time to think about what he had done. He had to help Gaius and then save the King, he didn’t have the luxury to think and process everything. It was only much later, when he was alone in his chambers, that he had looked back at the events. He had felt horrible, like a murderer. He had cried, mourning the life he had been forced to take to protect those he loved. He had hated himself and even after a thousand years, and many more deaths, he still did. One did not forget easily the first time they had taken a life.

               He could feel Arthur’s eyes on him, staring, probably trying to piece together what had happened and why he was suddenly so quiet. It seemed that he understood, because his hand was on his face, caressing his cheek soothingly. He had always been able to read him so easily. Probably even more so now that his secrets didn’t stand in the way.

“You don’t have to say it.” He murmured gently.

“No, I…” Merlin swallowed roughly, eyes prickling. “I need to say it, I need to… to get it out of me.” 

“Okay, take your time love.” Arthur answered, his touch soft and tender, reassuring. Merlin took a deep, fortifying breath.

“I threw the axe back at him with my magic.” He finally said. “It struck him straight in the head and he fell…”

               He could feel tears running down his cheeks, his eyes burning. Arthur’s arms came around him and he was hugged tight and close, his head slotted just below the man’s chin, hands stroking his back. He felt something inside him break, like a dam that had held on for too long against a raging wave, and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He was sobbing in Arthur’s arms, clinging to him as a drowning man to a lifeline, as if he would break apart if he let go. Arthur didn’t say anything and didn’t try to stop his tears, he just held him through the storm. Solid and strong. Soft and tender. He was a rock as well as a blanket, steadying him and calming him at the same time.

               It took a few minutes for Merlin to recover, for the sobs to turn into small hiccups, for the tears to stop falling. He inhaled deeply through his nose, exhaling slowly through his mouth, trying to match Arthur’s calm breathing. He felt a little better, as if some of the weight he had been carrying all these centuries had lightened just a bit. 

               Once he felt steadier, he slowly disentangled himself from Arthur’s strong embrace, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve to wipe away the last watery tracks from his face before finally looking up in beautiful, familiar blue eyes. Arthur’s gaze was soft and patient, devoid of any judgement, fear or resentment. Lips kissed his forehead delicately, easing away the last of the pain in his heart, filling it with warmth and love.

“I know it’s hard to live with the pain of taking a life.” Arthur whispered. “But I need you to know that what you did that night doesn’t make you a monster anymore than it makes me one for defending myself against bandits or enemy soldiers.”

“Thank you.” Merlin murmured back. 

               Even though he knew, deep down, that he would have to confess much worse later, Arthur’s words still made him feel a bit better. In any case, he couldn’t change the past, what was done, was done. He breathed once more, determined to finish his story.

“After Gaius was safe, we went to your father’s room. Edwin had told me that he had cured Morgana with one of the beetles that was in his box and Gaius had said that they were actually the reason for her illness. They could enter one’s brain and damage it from the inside. So, I used my magic on Uther to save his life.” Merlin explained.

“You saved his life. You saved the life of the man who would have killed you without a second thought had he known about it.” Arthur said, awed. “Thank you, Merlin.”

               Instead of answering, Merlin just smiled a bit and kissed his cheek. He was rewarded by a small blush creeping on Arthur’s face, making his heart skip a beat. He was just so adorable when he was flustered. He was about to tease him about it, but was interrupted by a big yawn, almost dislocating his jaw. Feeling emotions was really tiring it seemed. Arthur chuckled but refrained from saying anything and just brought Merlin flushed against him once more. Closing his eyes, one of his hands burrowing into Merlin's dark hair, massaging his scalp gently. Merlin made a deep, satisfied noise as his eyes shut against his own will, his body relaxing in the warm embrace that lulled him to sleep.

Chapter Text

               Arthur couldn’t stop thinking about the way Merlin had broken down the night before. The way his eyes had been full of tears and then, suddenly, he had been sobbing in his arms. The sound had been heart wrenching. Arthur didn’t want to hear it from Merlin ever again, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time unfortunately. He knew his warlock had been carrying a heavy burden for years, centuries, mostly alone. Even though it hurt him to see his love so distraught and sad, he was glad to be able to share some of it with him. He had seen the way Merlin’s shoulders had seemed more relaxed after, as if a small weight had been lifted. If he could alleviate his pain, then it was worth it and he would do it again. He would listen to everything he had to say, no matter how terrible it seemed. Merlin would never have to bear all of this alone, not ever again.

               When they got to bed that evening, Merlin seemed a lot better, smiling easily at him. They settled comfortably next to each other, clasping their hands together and Arthur looked at him, awaiting the new tale he would hear.

“You really had a lot of trouble with love spells and beautiful women, you know that?” Merlin said as preamble.

“It happened once!” Arthur cried out indignantly.

“Twice, actually.” Merlin grinned. “Do you remember the Lady Sophia?”

“I do, yes. What does that have to do with love spells?” Arthur asked, suspicious.

“You’ll see.” Merlin smiled mysteriously. “First, I can show you how oblivious you always were about my magic. When you were fighting the bandits that had attacked her, one of them tried to strike you from behind, so I used my magic to break a branch and make it fall on his head.”

“I knew that was weird!” Arthur exclaimed. “I thought we were just so lucky all the time. You did that often, didn’t you? Oh, gods. You were never hiding from the fight; you were just staying away to use your magic without being seen!”

“Took you long enough.” Merlin laughed, and oh how Arthur adored that sound. “You really were a lucky sod, right?”

“Shut up.” Arthur grumbled. “Just get on with the story.”

“Of course, sire. Well, to make it simple, Sophia had put you under her spell since the very first time you met. That’s why you became so besotted with her so fast. At first, I didn’t know, of course. Until Gaius told me that Morgana had had a dream of her drowning you, the night before she arrived at Camelot. That’s also the day I learned that Morgana was a Seer. When we realised the danger I followed her father, Aulfric, to the Lake of Avalon where he called the Sidhe.” Merlin explained.

“You mean the same Sidhe that kept me in Avalon all these centuries?” Arthur asked.

“The very same, yes. Never much liked them. Turned out Aulfric and Sophia were Sidhe that had been banished. Aulfric was negotiating for them to take back his daughter… against your life.”

“They wanted to sacrifice me?!” Arthur shrieked. “To the Sidhe?!”

“That was the plan, yes. You were enchanted so you don’t remember what happened after you asked your father to marry her. I followed you back to your chambers, tried to make you see sense but they were there and Aulfric used his staff against me. Gaius found me and when I woke up, I went after you immediately. When I arrived, they had already started the ritual and you were under water. I was so scared I was too late. But then I saw Sophia’s staff on the ground. I used my magic to get it and then, I…” He stopped a second, voice wavering a bit. “I used it against both of them.”

               Arthur saw his eyes darken and cloud slightly, but the tears from the night before didn’t come back. Merlin smiled sadly.

“I ran into the lake, looking for you and I managed to get you out and bring you back home.” He finished. 

“I knew you couldn’t have knocked me out.” Arthur teased. 

“Well, I could have, I do have magic you know?” Merlin replied, his eyes turning gold.

               A log went flying from the fireplace, straight towards Arthur’s head, but stopped right before it hit him, a few centimetres away. But he wasn’t looking at it, too entranced by Merlin’s eyes. It was far from the first time he saw him do magic, but it struck him every time, how beautiful and ethereal he was when his eyes turned golden. It was magnificent and he couldn’t get enough of it. Merlin realised he was being stared at. His cheeks turned pink, feeling the intensity of Arthur’s gaze and his tongue peaked out of his mouth, wetting his lips. His eyes turned blue once more, the log falling onto the bed, breaking Arthur from his trance.

“Oof!” His breath got knocked out of him. “Be careful with that, would you?”

“Told you I could knock you out.” Merlin replied playfully, the blush disappearing from his face, replaced by a teasing grin.

“Anyway, what did you do about Morgana then?” Arthur asked suddenly.

“Oh, I…” Merlin hesitated, a guilty expression gracing his features. “I didn’t do anything at the time. Gaius forbade it. He said that she could never know about her true gifts… I wasn’t really okay with it but… it didn’t seem so harmful then.”

“I see… but that means you did do something about it later on?” 

“Well, you’ll have to find out.” Merlin tried to joke, but his heart wasn’t really in it.

               Arthur understood the message clearly. Merlin wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, obviously. He didn’t push, not willing to make him feel uncomfortable. Morgana was a difficult subject, for both of them.

“Don’t feel pressured, love.” Arthur reassured. “We have all the time in the world.”

               Merlin smiled gratefully at him, tension easing away from his shoulders. After so many years, so many centuries, of not sharing anything with anyone, it was sure to be a bit hard for him to just tell everything. Arthur smiled back at him, brushing his hand along his arm before embracing him, taking comfort in feeling Merlin’s weight on top of him.

Chapter Text

               Merlin was feeling stressed out that evening. He knew what his next story would be and it would be a very sensitive subject. He had no idea how Arthur would react to what he was about to say and reveal. But he had promised that he would tell him everything. No more secrets. Arthur deserved to know all he had done, the good as well as the bad, even if it changed how he saw Merlin. And maybe it would be good for him too, he thought. To finally talk about it and confide in someone. After all, it had been freeing to talk about Edwin and Arthur had reacted well. And this clearly wasn’t the worst thing he had ever done, it was just… the beginning of his bad decision making.

               When they finally settled into bed, Arthur took his hand and squeezed it softly, as if he could feel Merlin’s internal turmoil. And maybe he could, they had known each other for so long, intimately too, they both knew the other almost better than they knew themselves. Merlin gave him a small smile, squeezing his hand back, trying to convey that he would be fine, and took a deep breath.

“Okay, so… tonight I’m gonna tell you the story of how I first met…” He hesitated for a bit before saying it. “… Mordred.”

“Ah, yes…” Arthur grimaced slightly, probably remembering how it had all ended. 

“Yes.” Merlin nodded. “So, I was just walking around in the castle when I heard someone call me in my head, calling for help.”

“What do you mean ‘in your head’?” Arthur asked, stunned. “Like the dragon?”

“Yes, and not really.” Merlin chuckled. “It’s a power of the Druids, they are able to speak to each other through their minds and apparently, they could communicate with me this way too. Anyway, I followed the voice and saw this small boy, hurt and hiding from the guards, saying that they were going to kill him. I couldn’t leave a child to die so I helped him get away and I brought him to Morgana’s chambers.”

“How on earth did you think that would be the best course of action?” Arthur asked, incredulous.

“I didn’t have many options, okay?” Merlin replied. “We were being followed and I didn’t know where else to go. It turned out to be a great idea because she helped me hide him. He was really badly hurt.”

“Why not take him directly to Gaius then?”

“Well, we were much closer to Morgana’s chambers, first of all. And… well… I wasn’t sure if he would have agreed to help me hide the boy. He was so worried about me being discovered… and for his own safety, too… so, yeah, Morgana was the best choice at the time.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” Arthur agreed reluctantly. “I still can’t believe he was right there when I came to search her chambers.”

“Yeah, I was right there with him too.“ Merlin chuckled. “I actually had to use my magic to hide his boots that were still visible, take them behind the curtain with us.”

               That piece of information made Arthur laugh out loud, Merlin following soon after. It was nice to be able to laugh about it now, without so much of the weight of secrecy and destiny. When they sobered up Arthur casually dropped a kiss on Merlin’s forehead, making his smile turn soft, before he continued.

“We needed to get the boy out of the city but he was too weak from his wound. I didn’t want to get Gaius involved, he was already stressed out about the search, so I just studied one of his books and tried to make a treatment. That’s when Mordred thanked me, through his mind, and called me Emrys.”

“Emrys… that’s what Morgana called you too, right?” Arthur asked.

“Yes, Emrys is what the Druids called me. Mordred was the first person to ever call me that. It’s the name I was given in the prophecy about the Once and Future King, you. I also learned much later that it actually translated to ‘Immortal’, so that explains that.”

“They probably could have warned you before, couldn’t they?” Arthur drawled.

“Yeah, well, no one really told me anything ever, even that damned dragon was always talking in riddles. I went to see him after, to ask him why Mordred had called me Emrys. That’s when he explained it to me but he also told me that I shouldn’t protect the boy. Of course, when I asked him why he refused to tell me.” Merlin grumbled. “Anyway, I couldn’t heal Mordred, so we did have to involve Gaius in the end. He wasn’t very happy with me of course, but he did it anyway. After that, we made a plan to help the boy leave and for that, we needed your keys, so… during your dinner, I used magic to fly your keys away from you to get them.”

“THAT WAS YOU!” Arthur exclaimed, outraged. “I knew I wasn’t hearing things! Also, I already said this but you really had no sense of self-preservation whatsoever, doing magic like that right in front of me.”

“Yeah, well, as I said, you were particularly oblivious.” Merlin grinned.

               In retaliation, Arthur trapped his head under his arm and ruffled his hair vigorously, until Merlin started begging for him to stop, laughing. When he was finally free, out of breath, he looked up at Arthur who was grinning brightly, obviously proud of himself. Merlin shoved him tauntingly, making him laugh. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard and he couldn’t get enough of it, no matter how many times he heard it. Their shenanigans helped lighten the memories and it made Merlin feel all warm inside, knowing that Arthur was probably doing it on purpose to help him feel better.

“You know most of what happened after that, you caught Morgana and the boy, Uther was mad and sentenced him to death and you made a new plan to save Mordred with her. When you asked me to be involved, I went back to Kilgharrah, asking him why he didn’t want me to help him. And… that’s when he told me that… you would die because of him…” He finished, the memory of Arthur’s death still fresh in his mind, hurting just as much even after centuries.

               He could feel the sting in his eyes, the tears threatening to come out and he squeezed them shut. Arthur’s arms came around him, one hand behind his head to bring it against his chest, just above his heart. From this position, he could hear the strong beating of Arthur’s heart, the heat emanating from his very alive body. 

“It’s okay, love.” Arthur whispered. “I’m alive. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you, ever again.”

               Merlin nodded against him, showing he had heard him and hugged him tight. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just making sure that they were together and fine and alive. Merlin knew that this would probably happen again and again for a long time, but Arthur didn’t seem to mind. He understood and that made him fall in love with him all over again, stronger than ever. 

               When he felt steady enough, he slowly moved away from Arthur who didn’t completely let go, his arms still around him, their weight grounding him. 

“How did he know about that?” Arthur asked softly, as if he didn’t want to startle him.

“Well, I didn’t know at the time but Mordred was prophesied to kill you… After that, I was so lost. I didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, it felt wrong to let a boy die because of something he hadn’t done yet. But on the other hand, I couldn’t risk your life and our destiny. I asked Gaius for his advice, not really telling him what it was about but I knew I had already made my decision. That night, I stayed in my bed, knowing that you were rescuing Mordred at the same time, but he kept calling for me in my head. I tried to ignore him, but I already felt so guilty, I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I had left an innocent boy to die, so I ended up coming to help you.”

“That’s why you arrived so late…” Arthur said, understanding.

               Merlin nodded, not knowing what to say. He felt so conflicted. He couldn’t help but think that maybe, if he hadn’t saved Mordred that day, Arthur wouldn’t have died at Camlann. He would have lived a long and happy life, alongside Gwen and they probably would have had a family. Maybe he would even have lifted the ban one day. He wouldn’t have failed him, his destiny. A small, selfish part of him however murmured that if Arthur hadn’t died, he wouldn’t have come back and they would never have been able to be together like this. 

               He was pulled out of his dark thoughts by soft lips pecking his nose. He wrinkled it on reflex, looking up in Arthur’s deep blue eyes. Once again, there was no trace of judgement in them, only love and understanding.

“Please don’t blame yourself.” Arthur said. “You did what you thought was right and it was the right thing to do. You couldn’t have known what would happen and it wouldn’t have been fair to condemn him for something he didn’t do. And,” he added as if reading Merlin’s mind, “don’t blame yourself for almost letting it happen. It was a hard decision that you had to take all on your own with limited information, and you ended up doing the right thing. That’s all that matters.”

               Merlin looked at him, completely stunned. How could this man know exactly what to say to make him feel better? How did he do that? It was so surreal. Arthur had always been so stunted when it came to his feelings and emotions. But ever since he came back, he didn’t stop showing Merlin how much he cared about him and how much he understood. It was so different but so Arthur at the same time, it made him love him even more, if that was even possible.

“When did you become so wise?” Merlin teased wetly.

“Well, I learned from the best.” Arthur smiled. “Also... dying kind of has that effect on you. Makes you look at life differently.”

“Yeah, I guess it would.” Merlin smiled softly, for once not feeling that same empty feeling at the mention of Arthur’s death.

Chapter Text

               The more Arthur learned about Merlin’s adventures in Camelot, the more he realised how much he had to bear on his shoulders alone. How much pressure he had to endure from his supposed destiny and everyone around him who knew about it. How he was not even of age and was still expected to have all the answers and make all the right choices. He still couldn’t grasp how he had managed to go through ten years like this without breaking, without just running away and leaving. How he was still so good even after all this. Granted, he had changed in those ten years, Arthur had seen it even though Merlin probably hid most of it. And from what he had told him, it seemed that he had made some choices he regretted. But still, Arthur was amazed at how strong Merlin was and had always been. He had also had some pressure himself, as the Prince and then the King, but it didn’t feel the same. After all, he did have Merlin, Gwen and his knights around him to help him.

               Seeing Merlin so lost and fragile, full of guilt and uncertainty had made his heart ache for the boy he was and the man he had to become. It wasn’t fair. And it made him feel even worse knowing that he had played a part in his suffering when he hadn’t listened to him or had dismissed his words. He couldn’t go back in time to fix it, so he would have to do his best to make up for it now. And judging by how Merlin was looking at him, all soft and happy with his eyes full of love and trust, he was doing a good job.

“Okay.” Merlin began. “So, this story is pretty important, because it had consequences for some others a long time later.”

“I’m listening.” Arthur nodded, smiling.

“Great. Well, it’s about the Black Knight that stormed in through the window the day you officially became Crown Prince and challenged Sir Owain to a sword fight to the death. When Gaius and I realised that Sir Owain’s killing blow hadn’t in fact killed the Knight, we found it suspicious. Also, Gaius had recognised the Knight’s crest and with Geoffrey’s help, managed to identify it. He took me to the castle’s crypt where we discovered that the tomb had been opened and that meant that this Knight was actually a Wraith.”

“A Wraith?” Arthur asked. “What’s that? And who was it?”

“A Wraith is someone who’s been reanimated by necromancy and seeks vengeance for past events. This Wraith… was Tristan Du Bois… your uncle. He…” Merlin hesitated, obviously not sure if he should say it or not.

“Come on, Merlin.” Arthur coaxed. “We said no more secrets. I can take it.”

“He blamed your father for your mother’s death and so your father killed him. It was to kill Uther that he came to Camelot that day. And… since he was already dead, no mortal weapon could kill him. That’s why I tried to stop you from fighting him.”

“But… if no mortal blade can kill a Wraith.” Arthur said. “Then how did my father manage to defeat it?”

“I’m getting to it, you impatient prat! Since you were being a stubborn dollophead.” He continued, ignoring Arthur’s indignant cry. “I decided I would have to defeat him myself, using magic. So, I tried to burn him but it didn’t work. The fire just extinguished itself and he was still completely unharmed. I was getting desperate and I went to the library to find something that could work. Geoffrey found me and when I asked him about it he told me there was a legend, that a sword forged in a dragon's breath could kill anything, even someone who was already dead.”

“And fortunately.” Arthur grinned, knowing where this was going. “You actually had a dragon nearby, right?”

“Right.” Merlin smiled, sheepishly. “I asked Gwen to give me her father’s best sword and I brought it to Kilgharrah, so that he could burnish it. At first, he didn’t want to, but then he ended up accepting, on the condition that you would be the only one to ever use it. A sword forged in a dragon’s breath is an extremely powerful weapon and in the wrong hands… let’s say it would have been a catastrophe.”

               Arthur nodded. It made sense. Powerful weapons in the wrong hands were pretty dangerous indeed. That included magic, he had seen it way too many times used against him and his people. 

“But I didn’t fight the Wraith in the end.” Arthur said. “It was my father that defeated it.”

“Yeah, that’s where everything went wrong.” Merlin grimaced. “Gaius didn’t tell me Uther had planned to take your place. I was waiting for you in the armoury when he came in and asked me to prepare him for battle. He saw the sword of course and I tried to make him use his own, but he wouldn’t listen. He said that this sword would be perfect and that’s how he was able to kill the Knight.”

“What did your dragon say about that? I suppose he wasn’t thrilled about his jailor using his sword.”

“You bet he wasn’t…” Merlin mumbled. “That night he called me and asked how things went. I told him the truth and he got so mad! I asked him if he could destroy it but he said it wasn’t possible. So, he ordered me to hide it where no mortal soul could ever find it. That’s why I went to Avalon and threw the sword into the Lake.”

               Arthur looked at him, jaw dropped. He had thrown a sword so powerful it could kill anything, at the bottom of a Lake? That sounded so insane and so Merlin at the same time, it made him want to laugh.

“Is it still there?” Arthur asked.

“Oh, well, um… I told you this would have consequences so… you’ll just have to wait and see I guess.” Merlin smiled.

“Merliiiiiiiiiiin!” Arthur whined, uncaring if it wasn’t dignified.

“Nope, you’ll just have to be patient!”

“You’re such a clotpole.” Arthur grumbled.

“Hey! That’s my word!” Merlin exclaimed.

“Yes, and it suits you so well.” Arthur taunted, grinning widely.

               Merlin just scowled, glaring at him, but Arthur could see the playful glint in his eyes and the slight twitch of his lips as he was clearly fighting back a smile. It felt good to tease each other like old times, as if they had never changed. And in a way, they hadn’t. They were still MerlinandArthur and they would always be.

Chapter Text

               Merlin was very excited to tell Arthur about this next story but at the same time, he was really not. It was a weird ambivalent feeling but he guessed it made sense.

“Tonight, my story has nothing to do with Camelot for a change.” Merlin declared. “Well… it does a little but it’s one of the rare times where I used my magic for something other than protecting you or Camelot.”

“I thought you said you used your magic only for me?” Arthur teased.

“Prat.” Merlin stuck out his tongue. “If you don’t want to hear it, then I guess we’ll just go to sleep.”

“No, I want to know!” Arthur exclaimed, stopping Merlin from turning his back to him. “I’m listening.”

“Um… okay then, I’ll tell you.” Merlin yielded, as if he wouldn’t have done it anyway. “So, I was going back to Ealdor with my mum, Gwen and Morgana, to help them fight against Kanen and his mercenaries. When we were resting in the forest, my mum was very worried that my magic would be discovered, so she insisted that I be careful. When she went to sleep, I used magic to create a dragon from the embers of the fire. I used to do that a lot for her, when I was home.” He said, a twinge of sadness in his smile thinking about his mother.

“Like the one you made to show me your magic?” Arthur asked, softly.

“Yeah, exactly.” Merlin smiled more sincerely, happy that Arthur remembered this. “Of course, you had to follow us too. When we arrived, Kanen’s men were already there and we had to fight them off. I used magic then too, to heat the sword of one of them so he would drop it.”

“You can actually use that brain of yours Merlin, that is impressive.” Arthur taunted.

“Unbelievable, right?” Merlin grinned, unbothered. “Anyway, you should know that you really made a good impression with my mum that time. She told me that she saw how much you cared about me back then.” He winked at Arthur, who blushed brightly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said, even though his cheeks were still red.

“Yeah, right.” Merlin smiled teasingly. “My friend Will, however, didn’t like you very much but you knew that. He just… didn’t like nobles in general. He kept telling me that I should use my magic to save the village and I kept refusing because I didn’t want you to find out and for me to be forced to leave Camelot. But he kept saying that I was abandoning them and that I could just stop everything without anyone having to die and… I started thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that, if it ever came to a choice between revealing myself and saving lives, then there wasn’t really a choice.”

“Always so self-sacrificing are you, Merlin?” Arthur teased, but his eyes were warm and tender, his smile soft and loving.

“You are too, don’t deny it.” Merlin retaliated. “That’s what I told my mum, too. She knew what I was planning to do and she wasn’t really happy about it, of course. She was worried for me and she didn’t want you to know. I told her then that… if you rejected me because of my magic then… you didn’t care about me, the way I thought you did…”

               He felt his cheeks heat up and he looked at Arthur, who was completely silent. He seemed lost in thoughts and he also looked a bit sad.

“I did reject you, when you told me…” He said.

“Well, I did wait ten years before telling you, I think you were entitled to a bit of time to get your head around it. Which you did, in the end.” Merlin smiled, reassuringly. “It was also the first time I ever tried to tell you.”

“Gods, you did, didn’t you?” Arthur exclaimed suddenly. “When you asked me not to think any differently about you, that’s what you were trying to say, before Morgana came to fetch us?”

“Yeah, exactly. But I guess it wasn’t the right time.” Merlin shrugged. 

“Maybe not but… it means a lot, knowing you wanted to tell me back then, so little time after we knew each other.” Arthur confessed. “It helps understand that it was never about you not trusting me, even if you couldn’t tell me in the end, you were ready to.”

               Merlin smiled brightly at Arthur’s words, seeing the light flush on his cheeks and the soft upturn of his lips. He couldn’t resist, so he didn’t and kissed the beautiful smile gracing Arthur’s face, who responded eagerly to the kiss. They kept it chaste, not wanting to get too distracted from the story, and broke it after a few minutes, both blushing but grinning happily.

 “So,” Merlin resumed, licking his lips unconsciously. “When Kanen’s men arrived, Morgana wasn’t able to start the fire so I had to go and help her, using magic. Then, well, you know the rest. I summoned a small tornado that helped us win and… Will took the blame for it…”

               It hurt, thinking about Will again. But remembering his death and the way he had protected his secret in the end, it hurt so bad. He didn’t realise he was crying until Arthur’s face became blurry because of the tears in his eyes. He scrubbed angrily at them. He was tired of crying, of grieving so many people. He knew, deep down, that it was okay and that it was normal but right then, he hated it. He felt Arthur’s strong hand gently stroke his hair and he relaxed a bit.

“I’m sorry I’m such a cry-baby.” Merlin mumbled, sniffing slightly.

“Hey, don’t ever apologise for feeling emotions. Isn’t that what you always tried to teach me?” Arthur grinned, making a small smile stretch Merlin’s lips.

“Took you only a thousand years to learn the lesson, sire.” He taunted back, earning himself a half-hearted slap on the back of his head, making him chuckle.

“Such impudence. I should put you in the stocks for that, you know?”

“I’m afraid that there aren’t any stocks to put me in anymore, my lord.” Merlin retaliated.

“Then I’ll just have to build some just for you.” Arthur said, haughtily.

“What a great honour, having the King of Camelot going out of his way to build personal stocks for one man,.I feel so cherished.” Merlin teased, trying, and failing, to keep his face serious.

               He knew it was coming but he still couldn’t do anything about it when Arthur started tickling him in revenge. After all, even without the same hard training every day with the knights, Arthur was still much stronger than him. Though his magic could probably save him, it was kind of hard to concentrate on a spell when he was squirming and laughing while trying to evade treacherous fingers. 

               After much begging and writhing the torture finally stopped and they both took a minute to get their breathing and heartbeat back to normal, small chuckles occasionally escaping them. When they were calm again, they looked at each other, smiling fondly. Merlin felt much lighter, the tight grip of grief and sadness having loosened around his chest. He just had one last thing to lay open.

“When I said goodbye to my mother that day, she said that we were good for each other, that we both needed one another. She said it was clear that I cared about you and you cared about me, more than we realised. That we were like two sides of the same coin.” He said, smiling softly at the memory. “It was funny, because that’s what Kilgharrah had told me too, when he had informed me of my destiny.”

“Two sides of the same coin…” Arthur murmured, thinking. “That doesn’t seem right though, at least, not anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked, curious.

“Well... two sides of the same coin, if you take it literally, it would mean that we were always back-to-back and never able to look at each other, right? We would both be facing in opposite directions. But we were supposed to have the same goal, however and we could never really see each other, because of all the secrets between us.”

               Hearing Arthur putting things like that, in this perspective, it suddenly made so much sense to Merlin. All the questions he had been asking himself about his destiny and why or how he had failed. He had already realised that he had probably gone about this whole thing the wrong way at the time and didn’t really have the best influences around him to help either. But thinking about it now, in this new light… it made sense.

“But now.” Arthur continued. “Now, we know. Now we see each other clearly, without any more lies between us. Well, almost I guess, since you still haven’t told me everything yet but… We aren’t two sides of the same coin. We shouldn’t have been in the first place, at least, if we wanted to achieve that Golden Age for Albion. Because we weren’t looking at the same thing, we were watching opposite sides. It could never have worked that way. We were supposed to do this together. Like… I don’t know… Two halves of the same whole? That would be more appropriate I think.”

“I’ve already heard something like that, yeah…” Merlin murmured, mostly to himself, a small smile plating on his lips as an old memory came back to his mind.

“What did you say?” Arthur asked.

“Nothing.” Merlin grinned. “I really like it though. And I love you.” He added tenderly.

“I love you, too.” Arthur answered, just as sweet.

Chapter Text

               Arthur felt like he was floating on a soft pink cloud. He didn’t know if Merlin had realised, but the previous night they had said that they loved each other for the first time. It had been so natural to utter those three little words for him, for Merlin as well it seemed. It had felt right and Arthur didn’t think he could be happier than he was right at that moment. He had gone through the day so lost in his bliss that he almost didn’t notice the way Merlin had been distracted all day too. But he couldn’t guess if it was for the same reasons as his or if it was because of the next story he would tell him that evening. Well, he would just have to find out. Maybe it was a little bit of both too.

               When they got in bed, Arthur was still full of warmth and love from the words they had exchanged the night before, a big, soppy smile on his face. Merlin looked at him funny, as if he didn’t know what to do with him.

“Arthur, are you okay?” He asked.

“Fine.” He answered dreamily. “Never been better.”

“Okay, if you say so.” Merlin said, still looking suspicious. “Are you ready for tonight’s story then?”

“More than ready!” Arthur declared, excited.

“All right.” Merlin chuckled. “So, remember when Gwen’s father was arrested because he was suspected of making weapons for Taurin?”

               Arthur’s good mood was immediately dampened as the memories filled his head. Of course, he remembered. Most of all, he could still see the look of grief on Gwen’s face when she had learned that her father had been killed. He swallowed visibly and nodded. Merlin grimaced, clearly noting his discomfort.

“Yeah, sorry… Not really fun story either I’m afraid.” He apologised. “That night, I was woken up by the feeling of a very strong magic. When we talked about it with Gaius, after getting all the information from Gwen’s father, he told me that he had a theory that Taurin was trying to do alchemy.”

“Alchemy? You mean like, turning lead into gold?” Arthur asked. “I thought it was impossible?”

“Yeah, that’s what I told Gaius. But Tom had talked about some kind of stone and we found a magic stone in one of Gaius’ books that could grant someone the power to alter things. And Tom was also found with gold on him that night.”

“Okay, that makes sense.” Arthur nodded, feeling a bit sick knowing that Tom had been innocent all along, at least not trying to make weapons for Camelot’s enemy.

“It’s after his death that things kind of… went to shit, if I could say. One night I woke up feeling that powerful magic again and I decided to follow it. I ended up following Morgana in the forest, where she met with Taurin. He said that he had asked Gwen to bring him the stone but Morgana told him she had come in her place. They were threatening to kill her, but then she said that she wanted to help them…” he hesitated. “To help them… kill Uther…”

               Arthur froze. He had always known that Morgana and his father didn’t see eye to eye. He remembered how she had been chained in the dungeon that night, after being particularly disrespectful to him. He knew she had been angry at him but to hear that she had wanted to kill him since then… it was a bit hard to process. He had thought that maybe she had been corrupted by Morgause, and maybe it had helped. But she clearly had been harbouring ill feelings and ideas of revenge against Uther for a long time, long before she had even met the sorceress. 

               Merlin seemed to sense his sudden distress because he felt soft hands cradle his face gently, nudging him to look into clear blue eyes full of worry. He tried to smile, to reassure Merlin that he was going to be okay, but the man clearly didn’t buy it. 

“I’m okay, don’t worry.” He said in the end. “It’s just… a lot to take in, I guess. Please, do go on.”

“If you’re sure…” Merlin replied, still looking concerned, but he kept talking anyway. “After getting back to the castle, I didn’t know what to do about it, so I went to ask Kilgharrah for his advice. He told me that I should just do nothing. That the only way to bring about the age of Albion was for you to become king. I still didn’t know what to do. It didn’t feel right to let Uther die, but then again... I didn’t have a lot of reasons for wanting to save him, especially after Gwen’s father…”

               Hearing Merlin talk about his dilemma made something in Arthur break a little. It made him see Merlin in a new light, more human maybe? Less perfect definitely. He already knew that Merlin had killed people, had done terrible things to protect him and Camelot, but to realise that even back then he had been tempted to let his father die… it was so hard to imagine Merlin, sweet, kind, generous Merlin, letting someone be killed. He knew, in the end, that it hadn’t happened, but then again... it was Morgana who had helped Uther defeat Taurin that day. He was pulled out of these dark thoughts by Merlin’s voice, as he continued on with his story.

“I was completely lost, and maybe that makes me a bad person but… anyway. I asked for Gaius’ advice then without telling him everything. He said that you weren’t ready to be king and that Uther, despite his many faults, was a good king. I may not have agreed with the latter but I knew, deep down, that he was right about you not being ready to assume the throne. But still, I kept feeling torn. Uther had killed so many people like me…”

               He went silent again, gnawing at his lower lip, clearly feeling the same stress he had at the time and Arthur tried to put himself in Merlin’s shoes. He tried to imagine what it would have been like. To be forced to hide a huge part of himself unless he be executed for something he was born with, something he didn’t choose. He imagined what it would have felt like seeing people like him being executed before his eyes regularly, unable to do anything to help them. And he thought about having a great destiny being dumped on his shoulders, making him the sole responsible for ending his people’s suffering. And knowing the life of one man, who hated who he was, could free him. And the more he thought about it the more he understood Merlin’s situation. Really thinking about it now, it was no wonder that he had been tempted to let the man that was the reason for his and his kind’s sufferings die. He couldn’t judge him for that.

“That night.” Merlin continued, too lost in his own mind to notice Arthur’s inner turmoil. “I followed Morgana once again as she went to see Taurin. She told him where she had planned to take Uther the next day. The next morning I was watching them both ride out when Gwen came in. That’s when I asked her. She was the most recent victim of Uther’s tyranny and the best person I knew. So, I asked her; if she could have the power of life and death over Uther, would she kill him? She told me that, of course she wouldn’t, because that would make her no better than him. And… that woke me up. I realised what was happening, what I was doing and that I couldn’t just let it happen. So I took the staff I kept from the Sidhe and I ran all the way to where Morgana had taken Uther. I found his knights knocked out when I arrived. When I finally found Taurin’s men, I attacked them with the staff, but when I tried to do the same with Taurin, he used the stone to block the spell and it came back at me instead.”

               That made Arthur snap out of his thoughts. So, Merlin did have something to do with Uther’s survival after all. In the end, he had acted and had tried to save him. He had also been hurt in the process.

“Were you okay?” Arthur asked, worried.

“Yeah, I was just unconscious for a few minutes. When I woke up, I ran to Uther to try and stop Taurin, but I saw that Morgana and him were already fighting. They managed to kill him and then, they hugged each other. I don’t know exactly what happened between them to make her change her mind but… it saved his life.” Merlin shrugged.

“You did too, you know?” Arthur said gently, taking one of Merlin’s hands into his own and interlocking their fingers. “If you hadn’t subdued Taurin’s men, I don’t think Morgana and my father could have defeated them on their own.”

“Maybe.” Merlin flushed, avoiding his eyes shyly. “Gaius said the same thing when I told him the story.”

“You should really learn to take credit for your good deeds, Merlin.” Arthur teased.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say dollophead.”

               Merlin shrieked as Arthur jumped on him, determined to get his revenge for being insulted as he was trying to be nice. This man really was insufferable.

Chapter Text

               To say Merlin was anxious that night would be an understatement. He knew exactly what he was about to tell Arthur and, even though he had no idea how he would react, he was certain that he wouldn’t be pleased at all. He wanted Arthur to know all he had done for him, wanted his King to finally see him, all of him. But he also knew Arthur and he would be mad, that was inevitable. So, he braced himself before getting into bed, tensed.

               Arthur gave him a strange look, meaning he wasn’t really hiding his distress very well. Not as if he had really ever been able to, after all, but still. He tried to smile but, judging by the way Arthur watched him, it came out more as a grimace.

“Okay,” he started. “What I’m going to share with you tonight… will probably make you angry at me. So, please, don’t be too mad?”

               Arthur frowned and Merlin squirmed under his stare. It was a pitiful attempt at deflecting the inevitable but he couldn’t stop himself from asking. Arthur studied him for a while, probably trying to read his mind or something but then, apparently finding nothing to help him, he sighed.

“Okay, I’ll try my best.” He relented.

“Thanks.” Merlin smiled gratefully. “So, it was when we discovered the Questing beast. Before we went back to try and kill it, Gaius warned me that one bite was a death sentence and that there was no cure.”

“But…” Artur interrupted. “I survived, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did, that’s… you’ll see. When you were attacked, I used the same spell that helped Lancelot kill the Griffin to destroy the beast, but it was too late, you had already been bitten. When I brought you back to Gaius, I was desperate. Before your father came to see you, I tried every spell I could find to try and save you, but none of them worked. I was so scared, I couldn’t lose you. It was my destiny to protect you and I had really started to care about you a great deal. That’s why I went to see Kilgharrah, to ask him if he knew of a way to save your life. And he did. He told me that I should go to the Isle of the Blessed because only the power of the Old Religion could undo what a creature of the Old Religion had done. I immediately prepared for the trip. Gaius tried to stop me, saying that there would be a hard price to pay but I didn’t care. I would have sacrificed everything to save you.”

“That hard price…” Arthur said, looking intensely at Merlin. “That’s what I’m not going to like, isn’t it? Why do I already have an idea of what that price is going to be?”

“Hum…” Merlin cleared his throat, unwilling to meet his unflinching gaze. “Anyway, when I reached the Isle, Nimueh was waiting for me there and-“

“Nimueh, as in the sorceress who tried to kill us both?” Arthur asked, voice hard.

“Y-Yes.” Merlin stammered. “She, um… she had the Cup of Life and she said that, to save a life, a life had to be given in return, so… um… I… I said that… I was ready to give my life to save yours and so she called the rain and gave me a flask filled with the water from the Cup.”

               He closed his eyes tightly, waiting for Arthur’s rage that was sure to come. When he didn’t hear anything, no shout, no scream, nothing. He opened one eye and looked tentatively at Arthur. He shouldn’t have done that. If he wasn’t shouting, his face was contorted in cold fury, glaring at Merlin with a force he had never directed at him. But he didn’t say anything, and that was even worse than the screaming he had anticipated.

“Arthur… Please, say something?” Merlin pleaded.

“What do you want me to say?” Arthur replied, voice hard and cold. 

“Anything, shout, scream, insult me just… anything…”

               He lowered his eyes, unable to withstand the cold blue in Arthur’s. He had known Arthur would be angry, had been prepared, but it still hurt. Above him, he heard Arthur sigh, a calloused hand cupping his cheek tenderly, raising his chin. He allowed Arthur to manoeuvre him until he was looking in his eyes again. He relaxed a bit when he saw his gaze had softened, even though his brows were still furrowed and he wasn’t smiling.

“I really don’t like to know that you thought your life was worth less than mine…” He said, voice much gentler than before. “What do you think I would have felt, if you had disappeared suddenly?”

“I… I didn’t really think about that at the time.” He admitted. “The only thing in my mind was that I had to save you, and I would have done anything for that. And… I think you would have too. You did, more than once.”

“You’re right.” Arthur relented, a small smile finally gracing his lips. “I guess we were both fools then.”

“Glad we agree on something, sire.” Merlin grinned, Arthur laughing. “May I continue the story?”

               Arthur took his hand and gestured with the other to signify that he was free to resume his retelling. Merlin smiled and squeezed his fingers.

“When I came back, Gaius gave you the water and you were saved. I was so relieved. I was prepared to go to sleep and not wake up the next day. So, imagine my surprise when the morning came and I was still alive! I immediately got up to tell Gaius, but when I entered his room, he was with a woman who seemed ill. He told me not to come, but I did. And that’s when I realised that the woman was my mum… and she was dying…”

               He felt Arthur grip his hand, providing some kind of comfort. He intertwined their fingers, seeking that warmth that helped him stay put together.

“I would have given my life for you Arthur, but I couldn’t let my mother die. I was so angry, I went back to Kilgharrah, to ask him if he knew that it would be my mum’s life that would be taken. He didn’t really answer clearly, but it confirmed it all the same. He said that me fulfilling my destiny was the only way that he could finally be free. When I understood that he had been willing to sacrifice my mother’s life for his own agenda, I was furious. I told him I would make sure that he would never be free and that he’d never see me again, and I left.”

“I’m sorry Merlin.” Arthur said. “I would never have asked you to sacrifice your mother’s life for me. Any life for that matter.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Merlin smiled, but it was strained. “I decided that I would go back to the Isle, to ask for Nimueh to take my life and save my mum. But I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to you.”

               Arthur’s eyes opened wide, as if he was suddenly realising something. He let go of Merlin’s hand and gripped his shoulders, looking straight into his eyes.

“That day, when you said you were happy to be my servant until the day you died.” He spoke in a frantic voice. “I spent hours and hours thinking about it. I didn’t understand what you were trying to say and when you came back the next day, I decided that maybe it didn’t mean anything, but it did! You were trying to say goodbye!”

               Merlin nodded, not really knowing what to say. Arthur’s grip on his shoulders loosened and he let his forehead fall against Merlin's, eyes closed, breathing deeply. Feeling his distress, Merlin brought his arms around him, one hand stroking his back and the other coming to pet his hair gently. There was a slight tremble in Arthur’s body as his own hands came to rest on Merlin’s hips, grounding himself.

“I’m sorry I frightened you.” Merlin whispered.

“It’s okay…” Arthur said, even though it was really not. “At least you came back to me.”

“I always will.” Merlin promised, sealing it with a chaste kiss to Arthur’s lips.

               They exchanged a few soft kisses, both trying to reassure the other that they were alive and well, that the past was far behind them and that they were together now. When they broke apart they had small smiles on their lips. Arthur hugged Merlin to his chest, hiding his face in his neck absorbing his body heat. Merlin kept stroking his hair tenderly as he continued his tale.

“When I came back to Gaius’ chambers, I discovered that he was gone and he had left me a letter. Basically, he had decided to take my place and sacrifice himself to save my mother. I couldn’t let him do that I didn’t want anyone to die for me and he was like the father I never had. So, I rode back to the Isle. When I got there, Gaius was unconscious behind Nimueh. I thought he was dead. I was so angry. We started to fight. She was really strong. She threw fire balls at me. I managed to dodge the first one, but the second one hit me square in the chest.”

               He rubbed it absentmindedly, still feeling the sting of the burn on his flesh. Arthur moved back a bit, his hands taking hold of the hem of his nightshirt, silently asking his permission. Merlin nodded, unable to refuse anything Arthur asked of him, and let him take off the shirt. Arthur’s eyes found the scar on his torso, still visible even after all these years. He let his fingers skim across the skin, making him shiver.

“Ever since I first saw you naked after I came back, I wondered what the stories behind your scars were…” He confessed.

“Well,” Merlin smiled tentatively. “Now you know about that one.”

               Arthur nodded, putting his hand on the scar, the warmth seeping into Merlin’s shuddering body. When he looked up at him Arthur gave him a small sign to continue so he did though slightly distracted by the hand on his chest, a hot spot on his chilly skin.

“So, um…” He cleared his throat. “In the end, I managed to defeat her by… striking her with lightning.”

               The hand that was softly caressing his chest stopped abruptly, wide eyes coming up to look at him in bewilderment. He gave a sheepish smile back.

“You struck her… with lightning?!” Arthur asked, completely shocked.

“Um, yeah... I did. Still not sure how I did it, I just… I was angry and I let my magic do what it wanted, I guess.” He scratched his neck, feeling self-conscious.

“The most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the Earth…” Arthur said, awed, before his smile turned teasing. “And you don’t even know how you do most things. That is impressive, truly.”

“Shut up.” Merlin grumbled, pushing him away and crossing his arms on his chest, pouting. “Anyway, I killed her, the balance of the world was back to normal and both my mother and Gaius were saved. The end.”

“That’s a very sweet ending, love.” Arthur grinned.

               He managed to uncross his arms and to put them around him, hugging Merlin’s shivering figure. He started kissing his neck, tickling him slightly. Merlin fought hard to keep himself from smiling but he couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped his lips when Arthur started teasing a particularly sensitive part of his throat. He felt the prat smile against his skin, obviously proud of himself for having succeeded in his little game. Huffing in defeat, Merlin threw his arms around his shoulders and let himself be kissed and worshipped for the rest of the night.

Chapter Text

              Arthur couldn’t stop thinking about the night before. He had been so ignorant during that time. After Merlin had revealed his magic to him, a lot of their adventures had suddenly made more sense and he had known that Merlin had done a lot to protect him and Camelot. But he was starting to realise that he didn’t understand just how much he had accomplished. They were only at the beginning of their journey and he had already revealed so much. So much pain, so much death, so much sacrifices… Arthur was starting to dread what he would learn next about this warlock who had saved his life countless times.

              It was hard, to know that Merlin had been ready to sacrifice his life for his. He had done it too, he knew that. But still. He had never wanted for anyone to die for him. Especially not Merlin, without whom his life would have been much duller. With that in mind, he made a promise to himself, to cherish every moment spent with Merlin and to never take him for granted. He would make sure to live this new life to its fullest and to always let Merlin know how much he was loved and needed.

              It was with that resolution in mind that he joined Merlin in bed that night. The man seemed to be lost in thought and Arthur realised that he was probably thinking about Nimueh. Just like with Edwin, he was probably feeling guilty about killing her, even though she had almost killed both his mother and his father figure. He really hoped that talking about it with him helped Merlin feel less alone and weighted by all of it.

“Are you okay?” He asked, taking hold of his hand to help ground him back to the present.

              Merlin turned his head to look at him, blinking a few times while he took notice of where and when he was. His eyes finally focused on Arthur and a soft, sad smile stretched his lips, the hand he was holding gripping his firmly.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He finally answered. “Or I will be anyway.”

              Arthur nodded, not wanting to push or pressure him into talking about it if he wasn’t ready or didn’t want to. Instead, he smiled at him brightly and kissed his cheek.

“Good. Because I really want to hear another story of your great adventures, oh mighty warlock.” He teased, trying to alleviate the sombre mood he was in.

              It seemed to work, because Merlin’s smile lost a bit of its sadness, his eyes brightened and he let out a small chuckle, shaking his head fondly.

“Of course, Sire.” He said. “Anything for the Once and Future King.”

“Don’t call me that.” Arthur groaned. “I’m not a King anymore.”

“Then why are you still behaving like a royal prat?” Merlin taunted, grinning.

“Shut up and get on with it.” Arthur answered back.

“How am I meant to tell a story if I shut-“

“Merlin!” Arthur cut him off, glaring half-heartedly.

“All right, all right!” Merlin laughed, a real strong laugh this time. “Okay, where to begin this one… Oh yes, your father's workers had discovered a tomb, filled with treasures and riches. We were the first to inspect it with Gaius, of course, and when he came close to the coffin, he triggered some kind of trap that released an arrow. I levitated a silver plate with magic to intercept it and save his life. When we heard your father coming, I let it fall and it landed at his feet, so I passed for an idiot.”

“You did that on a daily basis, magic or not.” Arthur mocked him. “But I prefer that instead of him discovering your magic. I rather liked your head being attached to your shoulders.”

“Yeah, me too.” Merlin grinned, unapologetically. “That was also the day we met the dear Cedric. When we were on the hunt, it was me who saved your life from the boar. But, of course, he took the credit.”

“Of course, it was you. My hero.” Arthur said, earning himself a slap on the arm.

“Yeah, and as a reward you tried to replace me.” Merlin grumbled. “Anyway, when I came back to Gaius’ room, he told me that he had discovered the tomb to be Cornelius Sigan’s. He explained to me that he was an extremely powerful sorcerer, who was rumoured to have helped in the building of Camelot. But, because he grew too powerful and dangerous, the king at the time executed him and he swore that, one day, he would get his revenge. The next day, after you sent me away because of the horses’ incident, he told me about the jewel that was on Sigan’s tomb. He believed that it contained the soul of Cornelius and according to the writings around it, if someone dislodged it, he would release the spirit and enact his vengeance.”

“Another sorcerer wanting to take revenge on Camelot, how original.” Arthur drawled. “You have to admit that I wasn’t really helped in realising the good of magic when all I ever faced were sorcerers trying to kill me, or my father, or take over my kingdom.”

“Yes, well, people who did magic for good were probably not going to show it to you if they were scared of being executed for it, don’t you think?” Merlin glared a bit at him.

“Point taken, I’m sorry” Arthur said sheepishly. “Please, do go on.”

“Thank you.” Merlin smiled. “That night, I was woken up feeling a powerful magic and when we went to the tomb, we realised that the jewel had been removed and it was empty. That’s when I understood why Cedric was so eager to replace me, because he wanted access to your chambers and to your key, which he had used. But of course, when I tried to warn you about it, you didn’t believe me and threw me in a cell because I attacked him. Because I was trying to protect you and Camelot, may I add.”

“I’m sorry.” Arthur said, bringing Merlin in his arms for a hug and kissing his head. “I should have listened to you. And not just this time.”

“You should be.” Merlin grinned. “Well, at least you admitted to it in the end, so I guess I’ll let it pass this time.”

“How generous of you.” Arthur muttered, hiding his smile but he knew Merlin could see it.

“You’re welcome.” He singsonged. “Like I warned you, we were attacked that night, so I used magic to escape the cell. I found Gaius, because I had no idea how to stop Sigan, but he didn’t know either. He told me that I had to ask the Great Dragon for help, because of course he knew I was going to him even though I never said anything about it. I really didn’t want to, after what he had done to my mother but… we didn’t have a choice, so I went. In the end, he agreed to give me the spell I needed, in exchange of a promise to one day set him free…”  

              Merlin was frowning, unhappy, and Arthur had a feeling that this piece of information was crucial. If he was correct, and this dragon was the same that had attacked Camelot, then… he was starting to get the pieces together. But he knew they would come to it at one point. It was good to prepare himself, though, so that he could react appropriately when the time came.

“Did you make that promise?” He asked.

“I didn’t have many options, did I? So yes, I promised and he… well, he kind of blew magic onto me to share the spell with me? I don’t really know how that works exactly and I never really asked, but I knew the spell and that’s all that mattered. When I came back outside, you were alone and unconscious, a giant gargoyle coming down to attack you. I managed to destroy it, then I checked that you were alive and Sigan, in the body of Cedric, joined me. He started speaking about power and domination, tried to convince me to join forces with him, said that I could rule over the world at his side rather than be a lowly servant with all the power that I have. I told him that I would rather serve a good man than rule with an evil one.”

              He said that as if it was obvious, as if it was plain and simple. Arthur felt his heart squeeze painfully at the reminder of Merlin’s unflinching devotion and loyalty. He wasn’t sure he deserved it half of the time but he was so grateful for it. He would have probably understood Merlin if he had decided to join Sigan, especially after the way Arthur had treated him those days with Cedric. But he never wavered. And judging by the fierceness in his eyes, he still believed that, whole heartedly.

              He couldn’t stop himself from kissing him, this man who had sacrificed so much, had stayed by his side all this time, had waited for him for more than a millennium, never once abandoning him. He didn’t deserve it, but he would seek everyday for the rest of this new life to be worthy of this much love and devotion. He tried to pour every ounce of gratefulness he felt into the kiss, willing Merlin to understand how thankful he was to have him in this life and the one before. The man in question kissed back with as much fervour, obviously enjoying the attention, threading his fingers in Arthur’s hair.

              For a while, they were lost in each other, uncaring about anything else around them. Their mouths danced with each other, a soft slide of lips and tongues, sometimes tender and sweet, more passionate the next. Even when their lips parted, Arthur didn’t stay away, kissing his cheek, his chin, his neck, the hollow of his throat, pressing promises in Merlin’s skin, feeling his body shiver and tremble, hearing his small gasps and quiet moans, like music to his ears.

              Eventually, moving back, he looked at Merlin, both a little breathless, a beautiful flush marring his pale cheeks. They took their time to get their breathing back to normal, hands still gripping each other tightly, refusing to let go completely.

“So,” Arthur finally spoke, licking his lips. “How does the story end?”

“Um…” Merlin hesitated, eyes still a bit dazed, making Arthur feel proud to have been responsible for his state. “The story, yes, so… ah, yes, I refused Sigan’s offer, he wasn’t happy about it, so he decided to take control of my body instead. That was the moment I was waiting for, when the spirit came out of Cedric’s body and tried to enter mine, I used the spell Kilgharrah had given me to trap the soul back into the jewel. The end. Now, can we continue what we were doing before?”

              Arthur laughed at Merlin’s impatient tone but he eagerly complied with his request. It was nice to have a happy end to a story, with no deaths needed. It deserved a celebration and he was more than ready for it. Merlin too, apparently.

Chapter Text

“You’re in for a treat, my lord.” Merlin said that night as they finally got into bed. “Tonight, I give you two stories for the price of one.”

“How generous of you.” Arthur grinned. “What’s the occasion?”

“Nothing, the first one will just be over quickly.” Merlin chuckled. “It’s about how I saved your royal ass from an assassin.”

              Arthur shoved him in retaliation for his words, making Merlin laugh out loud. He loved these moments with Arthur and he relished them, knowing that the second story he would need to tell would be much more weighed. It wasn’t the worst thing he had done, far from it, but it still often burdened his mind with questions and ‘what ifs’.

“Well, get on with it then.” Arthur said, breaking him away from his self-deprecating thoughts.

“All right, so it was during the tourney you did incognito.” He explained. “You were injured in the finals and I saw a blade retracting into his lance. So, I spied on him in his tent, only to realise that it was actually the assassin. He had killed Sir Alynor and took his place. When the joust started again and I saw him use his hidden blade again, I broke the strap on his saddle with my magic.”

“Thinking back on it now, it was a bit odd, the way his saddle kind of exploded suddenly.” Arthur nodded. “But you were right, that was disappointingly short.”

“I could also add that you got me in trouble with Gaius that day and I had to clean the leech tank for lying to him.” Merlin glared at him, although he could feel his lips twitching, a smile threatening to show up.

              That made Arthur laugh, deep and real, in a way he did so little back in Camelot, when he was crushed by all the weight of responsibilities thrown on his shoulders by everyone around him and especially Uther. It was good to see him like this, more open and carefree, less worried about showing the true extent of his feelings and emotions, the good as well as the bad.

“I’m sorry Merlin, that must have been really awful.” He tried to stay serious but Merlin could see his shoulders shaking from repressed laughter.

“Yeah, yeah, of course you are.” He drawled.

              That made the laugh Arthur was trying to reign in burst out of him once more, uncontrolled and loud. Merlin soon joined in, unbothered by how silly they must look, cracking up like that. After all, it was only the two of them, no one was around to judge their behaviour.

“All right,” Arthur said when they finally managed to calm down, grinning widely. “How about you tell me that second story then?”

              Merlin tensed, seeing Arthur’s smile dim a bit and his eyes filling with concern. He offered a small smile in reassurance and cleared his throat.

“Okay, this is actually one of the first bad decisions I made, I think.” He started, biting his lip anxiously. “Or at least, part of it was. You’ll see. So… I was in my room when Morgana came to see Gaius. She sounded so scared that night. She told him that she was the one responsible for the fire in her chambers and the explosion of the windows. But Gaius just said that she had probably been imagining things, that she was just tired and gave her a sleeping draught.”

              Arthur’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Why would he do that?” He asked.

“I didn’t understand either. Morgana was clearly terrified and didn’t understand what was happening to her. It reminded me so much of how I was myself, when I was a child and started to realise that not everyone could do what I could. I tried to convince him to tell her, that she needed to know it was going to be okay. But he was convinced that it was best if she didn’t know it was magic, being Uther’s ward and all. He thought it would put her in danger. He wouldn’t allow me to tell her either.”

              He saw Arthur’s eyes get a bit unfocused, clearly getting deep into thoughts at what he was disclosing. He hadn’t known back then that Morgana had magic.

“Wouldn’t letting her know be the best way to help her learn to control it though?” He finally asked. “I mean, she did almost set her chambers on fire, having uncontrolled bursts of magic would have been far more dangerous.”

“It was, yes.” Merlin admitted. “One night, she was scared once more and went to see Gaius, but he wasn’t there, I was. She told me she thought it was magic, just as she had with Gaius. But I just told her that I didn’t know and she left. I felt awful, leaving her like that, afraid and alone, but I wasn’t sure what to do, especially after Gaius had forbidden me to tell her. But, in the end, I decided that I needed to help her, somehow. I thought about the druids, how they helped people like that and so, I went to see Kilgharrah and asked him if he knew where I could find them. He refused to tell me, though. Said that she should never know her true powers and so he wouldn’t help me help her. I had to find another way. When you were brought the scroll with the names of the people associated with sorcerers, I used my magic to unroll and read it. That’s how I discovered a woman in the lower town who knew where to find the druids. I went to help her escape the guards and she gave me the information in exchange. And then, I went to see Morgana, to tell her that maybe it was magic and that the druids could help her.”

“She wasn’t kidnapped.” Arthur realised. “She left willingly to go find the druids.”

“She did.” Merlin nodded. “But then, Gaius told me about your father’s plans of executing people until she was found and I couldn’t let him do that. I left at night, using my magic not to wake Gaius because I almost made everything fall off the table.”

              That admission made Arthur laugh and Merlin was able to smile a bit at that. It eased the knot in his chest, but only slightly.

“You really are unbelievably clumsy.” Arthur chuckled, ignoring Merlin’s half-hearted glare.

“No news here.” He replied. “Anyway, I distracted the guards by boosting the fires of the torches and I blasted the gate through which you had helped smuggle Mordred out of Camelot.”

“You utter idiot.” Arthur shook his head, despairingly. “You do know that the blasted gate is how we managed to follow your trace to the druid camp, right?”

              Merlin flushed, looking down, chastised. He hadn’t realised at the time that it was what had given him away and he hadn’t really thought about it after that. Thinking about it then, it had been pretty stupid.

“I didn’t think about it at the time, alright?” He grumbled, ignoring Arthur’s triumphant smirk. “I could only think about bringing Morgana home. I found the druid camp by following their voices I could hear in my head and when I was able to approach her, I told Morgana what was happening and that she had to come home. But she didn’t want to, she thought she had found somewhere she could be herself without fearing for her life. And of course, that’s when you lot decided to show up and we had to flee, so I tried to help them by creating a diversion.”

“The smoke…” Arthur murmured. “That was you?”

“It was me.” Merlin nodded. “But it wasn’t enough, you found Morgana and brought her back to Camelot. After that, I went to see her, see how she was doing and she thanked me, for being her friend and helping her. Then, I told Gaius that she now knew that she had magic.”

“And to think that I believed you had feelings for her.” Arthur mused.

“Not your strongest moment, indeed.” Merlin grinned teasingly, earning himself a slap on the back of the head.

“I have one question though… Why didn’t you help her yourself?” Arthur questioned, curiously.

              Merlin’s eyes dropped down, unwilling to meet his intense gaze. The guilt rose inside him once more, thinking back to that moment. He bit hard on his lip and started to wring his hands together, feeling stressed out. Gentle hands took his and stopped his fidgeting gently, making him look back up at Arthur. His eyes were soft and a bit worried, but encouraging all the same. He took a deep breath and nodded once, to give himself more countenance.

“I didn’t help her myself because…” He struggled to take the next breath; his throat squeezing shut. He gulped down, trying to open it back up. “I was scared… I didn’t want to tell her about my magic. The dragon had told me that I shouldn’t trust her and I had spent my whole life hiding this part of myself… I couldn’t tell her. I was also just really learning about magic myself at the time, so I couldn’t really have helped her control her own. But after… everything… after you were gone… I kept thinking about it. I couldn’t help but think that… maybe if I had told her then… maybe she wouldn’t have felt so alone and… and maybe I could have stopped her from turning… the way she did… But I was too much of a coward, and I’ll never know…”

              He tried to reign in his emotions, not wanting to cry again. He shouldn’t. This was not about him, this was about Morgana, even if she wasn’t here anymore to get the comfort she would have needed and deserved. He didn’t. He couldn’t help but think about what he did much later. The more time passed, the more he thought about it, the more he felt that this had been all his fault. If only he had trusted her with his secret, if only he had helped her more…

“You are not a coward.” Arthur said, voice deep and unwavering, full of confidence and authority before he softened a bit. “Merlin, you are the bravest man I’ve ever known. It doesn’t mean that you’re never scared or that you can’t make mistakes. On the contrary. You are scared but I’ve always seen you face it head on. Granted, at the time I didn’t know half of what you were actually capable of, but still. I don’t know if telling her would have changed anything, maybe it would, maybe it wouldn’t have. But you were so young, Merlin… you were young and alone, facing a destiny bigger than anyone, hiding who you were to survive in a kingdom where you risked being executed at the smallest doubt about your abilities. And, in the end, what Morgana did was her choice and her choice alone. You didn’t force her to turn her back on her friends. And…”

              Arthur stopped speaking for a bit, apparently struggling to form his next words. In the meantime, Merlin felt completely overwhelmed by everything he was just told. It made a bit of warmth spread inside of him, but at the same time, dread was starting to fill him. He couldn’t help but think about the next thing he would have to tell Arthur in a few nights, his biggest mistake, his most horrible act of betrayal. And he was terrified about how Arthur would react to this information and how he would look at Merlin after being told about it. He was so lost in his own fear that he almost missed Arthur’s next words.

“And, regarding Morgana, I am as much to blame as you are.” He admitted. “I was never able to make her trust me enough to tell me about her magic… She thought I shared my father’s views and, in a way, she wasn’t wrong, at least sometimes. Maybe if she had felt safe enough to tell me, none of it would have happened. Because I know, deep down, that I would have never rejected her for it.”

              Merlin could see his eyes were glistening with unshed tears and his heart constricted in his chest. He hated seeing Arthur like that. It must have shown on his face, because Arthur shook his head, regaining some sort of control over his emotions.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t about me.” He apologised. “This is about you. And we shouldn’t fight to see who is the guiltiest because, in the end, my father was the one mostly responsible for everything. You shouldn’t bear the weight of his mistakes and his flaws, nor Morgana’s. Don’t forget that you are human, Merlin. You can’t be expected to be perfect or to always make the right choice. If there was even one in this instance. You did what you thought best with the information you had at the time and your own past experiences. You shouldn’t blame yourself for other people’s choices, because you have no control over them.”

              Merlin was looking at Arthur in awe. It was so strange to hear Arthur say all those things. Usually, it was him who was being wise and comforting his friends when they felt down. He was the one who kept reassuring Arthur on his decisions and choices as a king, when he was unsure of himself because of what others said to him. His guilt didn’t necessarily ease, not when he knew that this wasn’t the worst part of his history with Morgana, but he still felt something loosen inside of him, a small weight lifting from his shoulders, almost unnoticeable. He didn’t understand how he had ended up so lucky, with this wonderful man sharing his bed, his life and his heart. He managed to offer Arthur a small smile, the emotions he was feeling reflected back at him in those beautiful blue eyes. He hugged Arthur tightly, hiding his face in his neck, nosing his throat, the smell that was so distinctly Arthur making him feel at home, the arms around his back grounding him. Home. Yes, that’s how it felt. Like home.

Chapter Text

               Arthur was tired. The night before had been very emotional for Merlin and him, he didn’t know if he would be able to go through something like that again so soon after. So, he really hoped that this night’s story would be short and mostly sweet (as sweet as these stories could be, really).

              Still, thinking about the night before, Arthur was glad that Merlin had been able to open up once again on something difficult he had been forced to face on his own. He was also somewhat proud of himself for the way he had managed to handle the situation, without worsening Merlin’s guilt and sadness. He had seen the slight tension ebbing out of him with each word and it had put his mind at ease somewhat. It made him feel bad for not having been there for him at the time it happened, but he tried not to dwell on that too much. Merlin didn’t need to be subjected to his feelings of guilt when he already had so much to deal with.

              A small voice inside his head, that sounded suspiciously like Gwen’s, whispered that he, too, deserved to share his feelings and emotions with Merlin and be comforted. He ignored it for the time being. If that was true to an extent, he didn’t think making Merlin bear the weight of his guilt for not being there for him would help either of them. That was something he had to deal with himself. Although, having Merlin with him all the time, showing him time and time again how much he loved him and cared about him definitely made it easier.

              When he got into bed, he stretched his limbs and let out a loud yawn, his eyes closing. A chuckle coming from the door made him open them again, looking to the source of the noise, as if there was anyone else in this house. Of course, it was Merlin, who was standing in the doorway, leaning his side on the frame, arms crossed over his chest, looking at Arthur with amused and fond eyes, making him flush self-consciously.

“What?” He asked gruffly, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Nothing, just…” Merlin grinned. “You look like a tired puppy.”

              Arthur groaned, taking the covers over him and hiding his face in the pillow. He was too tired to deal with Merlin’s teasing right now. The man in question laughed again and he soon felt something shift on the other side of the bed, joining him under the covers. He turned his head to look at the newcomer, Merlin’s happy face greeting him, his eyes twinkling with joy.

“Don’t worry.” He whispered. “Tonight’s story will not be that long, you can go to sleep early.”

              Arthur nodded, reassured, and got out from under the covers because it was starting to be stifling and he needed to breathe. Merlin did the same, fluffing the pillows behind him to get comfortable against the headboard. Once he was seated, he opened his arms in invitation, making grabby hands movements to indicate what he wanted. Arthur rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the warmth spreading through his body and complied with the silent request, hugging Merlin’s waist, his head resting on his bare chest. Merlin’s arms came around him, one hand petting his hair, the other resting on his arm, his thumb making smoothing circles on his skin. Arthur felt himself relax in the embrace, sighing, closing his eyes. He almost fell asleep until Merlin started talking.

“Once upon a time,” he began, voice exaggeratingly serious. “There was a Prince who was in love with a Maid. One day, that Maid got kidnapped instead of the Princess and the Prince decided to go rescue her, even though his father, the King, disapproved.”

              Arthur chuckled, slapping Merlin’s chest half-heartedly, making him laugh too. The warlock took hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers, preventing any new physical attack at the same time.

“What?” Merlin asked, still giggling. “I’m telling you a bedtime story to help you fall asleep. Now shut up and listen.”

“Fine, fine.” Arthur replied, smiling brightly, eyes still closed. “Do go on, master storyteller.”

“Thank you.” Merlin said, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. “The Prince’s Manservant came with him, of course, because the Maid was his friend too. What the Prince didn’t know was that his faithful Manservant was in fact a powerful Warlock. In order to escape the palace unnoticed, the Prince asked his Manservant to distract the guards while he went to fetch the horses. As he was alone, the Warlock used his magic to knock the guards out with barrels. When the Prince came back, of course, he was mad because the Manservant hadn’t done what he had asked and he was just a supercilious prat who could never be pleased.”

              Arthur tried to stop his laugh from getting out, pinching Merlin’s side with his free hand in retaliation, making him squeak. As revenge, Merlin pulled on his hair, just a bit, not enough to really hurt him, and Arthur couldn’t contain his laugh anymore.

“Anyway.” Merlin continued; the smile evident in his voice. “They rode for a long time, facing all sorts of obstacles like Giant Baby Rats that fed on human flesh, until they finally arrived where the Maid was being held captive. They found her in a cage, with a noble Knight, facing one of these creatures. The Prince immediately entered the cage to free the Maid and the Knight facing the beast. He didn’t notice that the man who had held the Maid hostage was preparing his crossbow to shoot them, so the Warlock used his magic once more to drop one of the big chandeliers on the bad guy. It didn’t kill him, because he managed to get out of the way, but he was at least distracted long enough. The Prince called for his Manservant, asking him to join them in the cage so that they could run through the tunnel where the monster came from, which he did. The evil man joined them too, trying to stop their retreat, but they were smarter than that. They entered the tunnel, the Prince running away first with the Maid, while the Knight and Manservant stayed to stop their enemies. The Warlock was able to close the gate with his magic, trapping the evil man with the beast and ran with the Knight, who knew his true identity.”

              Arthur smiled at the way Merlin told his story. He could picture everything behind his closed eyes perfectly, especially now that he had the small pieces that were missing because of Merlin’s secret. He would also never admit it, but Merlin’s voice was very soothing, even when it was full of amusement. It was rich and deep, full of emotions. He could listen to him talk for hours on end without getting bored. He had always secretly loved Merlin’s inane prattle when they were in Camelot, it always relaxed him in a strange but pleasant way. It was just so Merlin. It made him feel at home. 

“When the Knight and the Manservant joined the Prince and the Maid, the Knight and the Prince both realised that they had feelings for the Maid. And so, the Knight, who was entirely too noble, decided he didn’t want to get between them, so he left, leaving a message to the Manservant for the Maid. Then, the Maid, the Prince and the Manservant went back home, where the Maid was finally reunited with her Princess. The end.” Merlin finished, hand still stroking Arthur’s hair gently.

              Arthur was already snoozing, his breathing evening, his heartbeat slow and regular. The warm body next to him, the soft hands in his hair and his own hand, the sound of Merlin’s heart, the feeling of his chest rising and falling with each leisured breath, everything was coaxing him slowly to sleep. So, that’s what he did, he fell asleep, safe in his Warlock’s arms, head full of adventures and stories of a Prince and his magical Manservant, fighting dragons and rescuing damsels in distress, with their fellow Knights.

Chapter Text

              That night, Merlin felt in a really good mood. He couldn’t wait to tell Arthur this particular story. This memory was still particularly funny, even after all this time and he was sure that they would have a good laugh together, remembering all of it. Or most of it anyway.

“Prepare yourself!” He announced. “Because tonight, I am going to tell you the great tale of how Uther married a troll!”

“Oh, gods.” Arthur half groaned, half laughed. “This is going to be so painful.”

“For you maybe.” Merlin chuckled, winking at him, making him groan once more in despair. “Now, don’t be like that, you weren’t the one who married her.”

“No, but I still have nightmares about them!” Arthur replied.

“Poor baby.” Merlin cooed. “Now shush, let me tell my story.”

              Arthur hid his face in his pillow, grumbling, making Merlin laugh out loud. This was going to be such a fun night.

“Right, so, Gaius was actually the first to suspect that something was amiss when the Lady Catrina arrived at Camelot.” Merlin began, enjoying himself. “He asked me to bring her a potion, without telling me what it was for, claiming that she would know. When I arrived in her chambers, she was eating rotten fruits but I didn’t really think anything of it because she asked me to send them back. She was also one of the only nobles who was nice to me, so at first, I liked her. Except she didn’t know what the potion I had brought was for and she asked me to get it back to Gaius since she hadn’t requested anything. When I told Gaius, he explained to me that, as a child, he had treated Catrina for a very rare and incurable bone disease and that this potion had been the only thing helping with her pain.”

“So, basically, it was a test?” Arthur asked, finally turning his head to get it out of the pillow.

“Yes, it was.” Merlin answered. “So, I started investigating. First, I went into her room with the pretext of changing the sheets. The smell inside was awful, let me tell you, but what intrigued me the most, was that the bed didn’t seem to have been slept in the night before. Unfortunately, her servant, Jonas, entered the room and I had to leave, but that’s when I saw that he actually had a tail.”

“A tail? What do you mean a tail?” Arthur questioned, dumfounded.

“Well, as he turned his back on me, I saw a long tail sweeping on the floor, sticking out of his coat.” Merlin explained. “That night, I went to your room and I levitated a mirror with my magic to spy on her. And I didn’t see the lady Catrina but an ugly troll in a dress. It was horrendous. Scarred me for life.”

“Oh, so that’s what you were doing! I was right then, you were spying on her.” Arthur grinned.

“Yes but not like you had imagined at the time you pervert.” He shoved him, grimacing at the memory. “Just after that, I followed her to the castle’s basement where she was apparently sleeping in a bed of straw and muck. The smell was so foul, I had to block my nose and my eyes were watering, it was awful. You should thank me for everything I went through to try and protect your sorry ass.”

“You’re right.” Arthur nodded, trying to hide his grin. “It was extremely heroic of you.”

“Yes, it was.” Merlin replied, chin up, trying and failing to stay serious. “Anyway, after I told everything to Gaius, he told me that she was most likely here in search of wealth and power, in that case, Uther’s wealth and power. And that’s when he tried to tell the king that she was a troll.”

              At that, Arthur burst out laughing and Merlin joined him almost instantly.

“Gods, that didn’t go well, did it?” Arthur asked, still laughing.

“Nope, it didn’t.” Merlin answered, in the same state. “I had warned him that it wouldn’t but well, he still wanted to try. Our last resort was to use magic to reveal her true form in front of him, but we didn’t know anything about troll magic. We spent the night researching the right spell and I used it the next day when Uther announced his intention to marry her. As you already know, it didn’t work. And she could feel it when I used my magic on her, I saw it. That’s why I should probably have been more careful when, later, I found Jonas crying and telling me that he was in fact her prisoner. He revealed to me that she hid the potion making her look beautiful where she was sleeping.”

“Let me guess.” Arthur drawled, looking expectantly at him. “It was a trap?”

              Instead of answering directly, Merlin crossed his arms on his chest and stuck his tongue out at Arthur, who simply chuckled, shaking his head in despair at Merlin’s apparent trust problem.

“Yes, it was a trap.” Merlin grumbled. “The troll used her magic to trap me in the room with a wall of stones and I spent the entire night trying to destroy it. Troll magic is really, really powerful. When I finally succeeded, I rushed to the throne room, to try and stop the wedding, but Jonas was waiting for me, so I had to fight him and knock him out. Obviously, when I entered, it was already too late.”

“But then, they knew you had magic and were onto them.” Arthur said. “That’s why Catrina accused you of stealing her seal, to try and get rid of you.”

“How clever of you, Sire.” Merlin grinned. “And, as you know now, I never left Camelot like you asked me to. I just hid myself in a barrel in Gaius’ room while he planted evidence for the guards to follow a fake trail.”

“You’re insane.” Arthur smiled brightly.

“One of my many talents.” Merlin winked.

“Alright, Mister Many Talents.” Arthur teased. “So, how did you manage to change the Lady Catrina back into a troll without magic?”

“Well, I first spied on her in her room and saw where they kept the potion she used, in a locked cabinet. That night, I stole it and brought it to Gaius, so he could create another one that would look and taste the same but without the magical effect to replace it. And… I had to taste both to see if they were the same.”

              Merlin shuddered in disgust at the memory, making a face as he could almost taste the potion once more, the horrible feeling on his tongue. Of course, that made Arthur laugh once more. What a prat, laughing at Merlin’s misery, who was trying to save his precious kingdom. Merlin scowled at him, only succeeding in making him laugh harder. Merlin pushed him in retaliation, making him fall off the bed with an undignified squawk. It was the warlock’s turn to laugh, as Arthur got back up on the bed, glaring at him.

“That’s what you get for mocking me when I’m miserable for trying to save you again.” Merlin taunted.

              Arthur’s reaction was as childish as expected from him, as he mimicked Merlin’s earlier attitude, sticking his tongue out and crossing his arms, pouting. Shaking his head fondly, Merlin crossed the bed towards Arthur and sat down in his lap, his knees on each side of his hips, putting his hands on his shoulders. Always the petty one, Arthur turned his head away, still sulking. Unbothered, Merlin just smirked slyly and approached his face slowly. He shuffled on Arthur’s lap, trying to get as close as possible, chest against chest. He brought his face to Arthur’s neck, barely touching, just brushing his nose and lips millimetres away from his skin. Arthur’s head was still turned away, but Merlin could already feel his body’s reaction, the slight shift in his breath, his heart beating faster in his chest. He started planting small kisses along his neckline, just a quick contact, almost imperceptible, Arthur shivered, uncrossing his arms and letting them fall to his sides. He tilted his head slightly more to the side and that’s when Merlin decided to stop. He got up and out of Arthur’s lap, creating some distance between them and looked at him, grinning triumphantly. Arthur’s eyes, that had been closed, opened as he let out a small, pleading whine, looking back at Merlin.

“You’re evil.” He murmured, his glare slightly subdued by the way his pupils were dilated, his eyes reflecting his obvious desire.

“Me?” Merlin asked innocently, making Arthur growl. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now, where was I? Ah, yes, the potion. So, I went back to Catrina’s room to put the fake potion back into the cabinet, when I heard someone coming. I hid inside her wardrobe immediately as Jonas came into the room. Fortunately, he didn’t see that the cabinet was still open, so I closed it with magic. Soon after, Catrina entered and she drank the potion. Then she came towards the wardrobe and I was so scared that she had smelled me or something, but she just looked in the mirror before they both left.”

“How you can continue talking about the troll I had as a step mother after teasing me like that, I have no idea.” Arthur sighed, his eyes still locked on Merlin, occasionally going down to stare at his lips.

“If you’re nice and let me finish my story, maybe I’ll do something about it.” Merlin winked.

“I hate you.”

“You love me.” Merlin pecked his lips, ignoring Arthur’s pleading look. “So, I watched her coronation from afar, as she was starting to turn back into a troll. When she fled, I followed and used my magic to lock the door so she couldn’t leave, but as you know, your father was enchanted and so he didn’t see her as she truly was. Out of ideas, I had to go see Kilgharrah to ask for his help. He had the laugh of his life obviously, but then he told me that to break the spell, Uther had to cry tears of true remorse and then proceeded to remind me of the promise I gave him.”

“The promise to free him?” Arthur asked, still looking like a kicked puppy.

“That one, yes.” Merlin answered, trying not to laugh at his face. “While I was waiting outside for Uther to see you before bringing the antidote, I got knocked out, probably by Jonas. When I woke up, I realised that the vial was broken and I panicked. I used my neckerchief to mope it as much as possible and ran straight to your room. Your father was crying, the troll was trying to get him off of you and I just rushed to squeeze a drop of the antidote in your mouth. I was terrified that I’d been too late and that it wouldn’t work, but you woke up and started to fight with your father. I used my magic to sweep the carpet from under the troll’s feet so you could kill it and everything was well again.”

“I’ll never criticise your stupid neckerchiefs again if they saved my life.” Arthur smirked.

“You just did, you prat!” Merlin exclaimed.

“You’re just imagining things, Merlin. Now, are you finished?”

“Yeah, I believe that’s all.”

              He had only just finished his sentence that he was suddenly pushed onto the bed with a very eager Arthur on top of him, crushing their lips together. His squeak and giggles were swallowed by Arthur’s hungry mouth on his and he soon let himself be drowned in the passion of the moment, happy to comply with Arthur's every whim.

Chapter Text

              Arthur was feeling really good. It had been a few nights then that Merlin’s stories were mostly fun and light-hearted, and it made him feel a bit better, thinking that not all of Merlin’s adventures had been horribly sad and full of desperation. He knew it couldn’t continue on like that forever, but he hoped it would for at least a bit longer. He loved seeing Merlin smile as he remembered a particularly fun event, how his eyes twinkled with mischief when he insulted him and Arthur taunted right back. It was nice, normal, them. He was so glad that he could have this forever.

              Right then, the man from his thoughts was sitting on the bed next to him, looking at his hands as he was fidgeting with the cover, looking anxious and embarrassed, a slight flush gracing his prominent cheekbones. Arthur frowned, wondering what could have brought this sudden stress to Merlin. He would just have to find out then.

“Alright, spit it out.” He said, startling Merlin out of his thoughts.

“What?” Merlin asked, seeming lost.

“You’re acting all shifty and fidgety, what’s on your mind?” Arthur clarified, raising an expectant eyebrow.

              If possible, Merlin blushed even more, avoiding Arthur’s gaze and biting his lips self-consciously. Arthur started to be worried. What could possibly be making Merlin that nervous?

“It’s just…” Merlin finally spoke. “I know how you’re going to react to the beginning of this story and I’m not sure I want to face that.”

              That, was unexpected. Immediately, Arthur’s brain started making up the worst scenario possible, of what Merlin had done to make him so scared of Arthur’s reaction. He felt the instant need to comfort the man who was clearly stressed out.

“Merlin,” he said, in the softest voice possible. “No matter what you’ve done, I swear, I won’t ever hate you or leave you, do you understand?”

“Oh no, I know you won’t hate me for this one.” Merlin replied. “I just… well, anyway… let’s just get on with this. One day, I was helping get wood for the castle. I sat down to take a breather and looked at the big cloud of smoke that was coming from the forest. I thought I was alone, I felt at peace and calm for once, so I didn’t really think. I just wanted to have a bit of fun, use my magic for something inconsequential and not to just kill people that were trying to hurt you or Camelot. So, I conjured a horse into the smoke. But, of course, I could never just enjoy nice, simple things at the time, and obviously there was a woman who saw the horse and decided that it must have been something very dangerous and to report it to the king.”

              At the end of his little speech, Merlin was mostly mumbling and grumbling, arms crossed on his chest, looking like a petulant child. Arthur’s eyes widened, looking at him as if he had grown a second head. For a few minutes, they were completely silent, Merlin sulking and Arthur not knowing how to react to what he had just heard. He was completely gobsmacked.

“You… I… What…” He stammered, trying to think of what to say, until he finally settled on something. “You really are the biggest idiot I’ve ever known.”

“See?!” Merlin exclaimed. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you! I knew you’d say that! And don’t bother, Gaius already gave me an earful for that at the time, when your father decided to call the Witchfinder.”

“Well, of course he did! I swear Merlin, how you managed to stay alive for so long is a miracle!” Arthur replied.

“Yes, well, everyone kept telling me that but no one really bothered trying to understand how I felt, right?” Merlin said, glaring at him.

              That made Arthur stop for a minute and think about it. All playfulness was gone then and he could see how hurt Merlin actually was. He tried to imagine himself in Merlin’s shoes, having to hide such a big part of himself from almost everyone around him and risking his life everyday to protect people who would probably see him dead if they knew. He imagined having a gift that could create beautiful things, that he believed was made to use for good and help people, but only ever using it to hurt, even if he was protecting others. Having a small opportunity to use this gift for something trivial and inconsequential. He felt bad, suddenly, to have insulted Merlin. He was still an idiot for putting himself at risk like that, but it was also just a human thing to do. And despite the “Most Powerful Warlock to ever walk the Earth” thing, Merlin was still very much human.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He admitted. “You shouldn’t have had to hide that part of yourself in the first place and you were entitled to a bit of unwinding with everything you did for Camelot.”

“Thank you.” Merlin murmured, a small smile gracing his lips. “It… means a lot, that you’d acknowledge that. It might not look like much but it really, really does.”

“I’m glad then.” Arthur smiled back, taking hold of Merlin’s hand. “You deserve it.”

              Merlin’s smile widened and he pecked Arthur’s lips, just a quick touch, to share affection and gratitude, a sweet little thing that made Arthur grin dopily, earning himself a happy little chuckle from Merlin.

“Alright, where was I now… Ah, yes. I was at the market with Gaius when we crossed paths with Aredian and he asked me to come see him. When I did, he started interrogating me, saying that the woman who had testified had appointed me as a witness too. I told him that I wasn’t, that I hadn’t seen what she had, but it didn’t do anything to deter him, as you know, since he accused me the next day.”

“Yeah, thinking about it, the way I always completely dismissed the fact that you could ever be a sorcerer was appalling.” Arthur grimaced, making Merlin laugh.

“You really were the most oblivious.” Merlin confirmed, teasingly. “It worked in my favour most of the time but it was still very frustrating.”

“I bet it was. In the end though, Gaius claimed the amulet was his and he was the one thrown in the cells.”

“Yes. I was desperate.” Merlin admitted. “I couldn’t let him die because of me, so I went to see Kilgharrah, ask him for help. I told him that I would confess, tell the truth, say it was me, but he deterred me to, saying that it would serve nothing except to have us both executed. In the end, he couldn’t help me.”

“Well, I’m glad he was useful for something for once.” Arthur grumbled. “You really need to stop trying to get yourself killed by accusing yourself in the place of others, it’s the worst idea ever.”

“Maybe, but it was just unfair that Gaius had to suffer because of some idiotic thing I did. And I didn’t do it this time, so I say that’s progress.” Merlin grinned.

“Whatever you say, dollophead.” Arthur smirked.

“Hey! That’s still my word!” Merlin spluttered indignantly.

“And it suits you so well.” Arthur winked and Merlin childishly stuck his tongue at him. “Now, please, do go on.”

“Prat.” Merlin threw back. “Anyway, Gaius confessed and when you took me to him so we could talk, we discovered that the amulet found in his chambers wasn’t ours. After that, Gwen came to find me, panicking, saying that Aredian wouldn’t stop his search and was once again interrogating Morgana. I was convinced that he had planted the amulet, so I went in his chambers to find some proof. That’s how I discovered the flowers hidden inside his cabinet. I almost got caught, too, because he came back, but I hid under his bed and he left without seeing me.”

              Arthur’s heart was racing in his chest as he listened to Merlin tell the story, his mind providing him with very realistic images of what would have happened if Aredian had caught Merlin that day. He shook his head to rid himself of these dreadful thoughts and focused back on Merlin’s voice. He was alive, he was here, he was fine and he was safe. That was all that mattered.

“Searching through Gaius’ books, I identified the flower as belladonna and with Gwen’s help, we managed to find out how Aredian created his witnesses, causing hallucinations with eye drops tinted with this flower, distributed by a chemist. But we needed to make sure that Aredian could not talk his way out of it, so that night, I went back to his chambers and used magic to fill his cabinet with amulets like the one he had used to frame Gaius. And… I couldn’t help but enchant him too.” Merlin grinned, unrepentant.

“Oh gods, the toads coming out of his mouth, that was your doing!” Arthur exclaimed as Merlin nodded proudly.

              They both burst out laughing at the memory, so much so that they started crying with how hard they were laughing.

“That was stupidly genius, I must say.” Arthur managed to utter after calming down a bit, wiping his tears. “Though, he probably deserved it, too. Still, it was disgusting.”

“He did deserve it.” Merlin agreed. “In the end, when he tried to use Morgana as a shield against us, I heated the knife he held at her throat to burn his hands, forcing him to drop it.”

“And once again, you saved the day.” Arthur teased, but his smile was genuine and grateful.

“Yeah, you should really thank me for all the times I’ve saved your lives.” Merlin said in a posh voice that didn’t suit him at all.

              Arthur chuckled, but smiled brightly still and kissed Merlin softly, mumbling a ‘Thank you’ against his lips, earning himself the most beautiful smile he had ever seen on the man’s face, alighting his features and making him glow, like a full moon illuminating the night and chasing away the darkness of the world. In this instance, he looked ethereal, almost otherworldly, and Arthur was struck by his fairness. He was also filled with a need to see Merlin in his entirety.

“Would you show me again?” Arthur asked, voice full of awe.

“Show you what?” Merlin asked curiously.

“Your magic.” Arthur answered. “Like what you did with the dragon, and the ball of light or the butterfly? Like you did with the horse that day?”

              Merlin only smiled in response, raising his hand toward the fire that was merrily crackling in the hearth. He incanted a spell Arthur didn’t understand and a replica of Camelot was created within the flames. Arthur’s breath caught in his chest when he saw Merlin’s eyes turn bright gold, a shiver going through his body at witnessing the sheer power radiating from him. No matter how many times he saw it, he couldn’t shake away the feeling.

“Beautiful.” He whispered, but he wasn’t looking at the fire, he was staring directly at Merlin.

              When the warlock noticed, he lowered his hand, a blush creeping up his neck to his cheeks, his eyes turning blue once more and the fire returning to its former state. Arthur’s hand came up to stroke his cheeks, still looking deep into his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful when you do magic.” He said. “Did you know that your eyes turned gold?”

“Yeah.” Merlin replied, looking shy, flushing deeply. “It’s weird, I know.”

“No, it’s not.” Arthur assessed. “It’s entrancing, I can’t take my eyes away from you. I love it. I love you.” He added more softly.

              Merlin’s eyes were shining with unshed tears and emotions. He seemed to be lost for words, so instead of saying anything, he just kissed Arthur, sharing all his feelings through the touch of his lips. And Arthur understood every single word he didn’t say, and he gave back as much as he got. The kiss stayed sweet and chaste, both of them needing this reassurance. They exchanged silent love confessions and vows, until they were forced to take some much-needed air into their lungs. Still, they stayed connected, hands linked together, foreheads resting against each other, their eyes closed, a small smile gracing their lips.

“Will you show me more?” Arthur asked in a whisper, afraid to break the soft atmosphere they basked in.

              He felt Merlin nod against his head, backing up a bit and opening his eyes, the same bright smile from before stretching across his face and Arthur swore there and then that he would do anything to keep it there forever.

Chapter Text

              With the last few nights having been full of fun and joy, Merlin had almost forgotten that most of his adventures in Camelot, weren’t, in fact, like that. And, as he realised what the story he would tell that night was, he had a feeling that it would be like a very cold shower, bringing him back to reality. Or maybe he was just too pessimistic. After all, Arthur had surpassed each and every expectation with the way he had handled some of Merlin’s revelations. He should give him the benefit of the doubt.

             He could still remember the way he had looked at him the night before, as he showed him some more magic. It was as if Merlin had hung the moon and the stars. It was also very entertaining to see how Arthur’s eyes darkened, each time Merlin’s turned gold. He would have to use that information in the future. But most of all, he remembered the tenderness every time they touched each other, a soft brush of hand against an arm or into hair, lips lightly kissing a cheek or a hand. He had never felt so loved and cherished in all the lifetimes he had been through and he hoped it would go on for as long as he existed.

             When Arthur joined him in bed after finishing to get ready, he sat as close as possible and pecked his nose, smiling like a fool. It was quite endearing to watch him this happy and soppy, it made Merlin feel all warm and fuzzy.

“Someone’s happy tonight.” He teased, as Arthur nuzzled his neck, like a giant cat.

“I am in bed with the love of my life, ready to hear another one of his great adventures as a secret sorcerer, what more could I ask for?” Arthur answered.

“You’re such a dork.” Merlin chuckled.

“And what if I am?” Arthur asked, grinning.

“Nothing, I suppose.” Merlin answered, smiling fondly. “Now, onto the story.”

              Arthur nodded enthusiastically, making himself comfortable against Merlin’s side and looking at him with big blue eyes. He looked so much like a child that Merlin couldn’t help and ruffle his hair. Arthur pushed his hand away, glaring playfully at him, and patted them down, letting his head fall back on the pillow once he was satisfied with his work. His hair was still sticking a bit everywhere, but Merlin said nothing, enjoying how cute it made Arthur look.

“Okay, here we go.” He mumbled. “This takes place after Morgause defeated you and asked you to come find her to face a challenge.”

              Arthur started sulking immediately, making Merlin burst out laughing when he turned his head to look at him.

“You’re not still mad about that, are you?” He asked in disbelief.

“No, of course not.” Arthur said haughtily, raising his nose in disdain.

“If you say so.” Merlin replied, not once fooled. “Anyway, your father had confined you to your chambers, so it was left to me to come up with a plan to get you out, as always. I saw a rope in Gaius’ room, so I used the pretence to help him grind some herbs to drown the sound of the rope slithering under my clothes.”

“I never thought I’d say that Merlin, but you can be smart when you want to.” Arthur taunted.

“I’ve always been smarter than you sire, you should have realised by now with how much I’ve saved your life.” Merlin taunted right back, not letting Arthur a chance to retaliate. “While we were on the road to Morgause’s rendezvous point, following your horse, we were attacked by bandits. I saved your sorry arse once more by setting the spear of one of the bandits on fire, as he was hiding up in a tree to get you unaware.”

“Be careful Merlin or you won’t be able to get through the door with a head like that.”

“My head is perfectly fine, sire, thank you for worrying about my well-being.” Merlin winked at him. “Now, stop interrupting or we’ll never get this story over.”

              Arthur mimed zipping his mouth shut with his fingers and locking them with an invisible key that he threw away behind him before smiling to Merlin with as much fake-innocence as humanly possible. Merlin rolled his eyes and shook his head with a put upon sigh, but didn’t comment on Arthur’s childish behaviour.

“When Morgause was preparing her ritual to summon your mother…” Merlin faltered slightly in his speech, emotions crawling up his throat. He swallowed them down to continue. “You started saying that… maybe your father’s views on magic were wrong, that maybe sorcerers weren’t all bad and evil, that maybe magic could be used for good… you have no idea how happy I was to hear you say that, how much I had dreamt of this, never really hoping that it would happen one day, especially so soon. I started thinking that maybe you could accept me as I was, that maybe you wouldn’t hate me if you knew…”

              Arthur didn’t say anything though his eyes were looking suspiciously wet, but Merlin didn’t comment on it. Arthur took his hand and squeezed reassuringly, looking at him intensely as if willing Merlin to understand what he was trying to convey silently. And Merlin understood, this quiet promise. I never hated you and I never would. The words, even unsaid, hung in between them for a few seconds. Merlin took deep calming breaths, taking back control over the onslaught of emotions threatening to overflow him. When he felt steadier, he squeezed Arthur’s hand in thanks and continued.

“When we got back to Camelot after your mother’s… revelation… Gaius came to see me as he noticed how angry you looked. I asked him then, if it was true, if what your mother had said about your birth was real. He said that he had sworn an oath not to say anything to anyone, and he feared what you would do if you ever knew. I guess he was right to be scared, because I almost arrived too late to stop you from killing your father.”

              Arthur’s expression had turned sombre, but he said nothing. Merlin didn’t dare disturb him from his thoughts, deciding to finish his story first to get it over with.

“When we were back in your chambers, you thanked me for reminding you that… that ‘those who practise magic are evil and dangerous’. I felt so distraught then, because we were back to square one and you hated me, without even knowing it. After that, I got back to Gaius’ room and Uther came to see me. He… wanted to thank me, too, told me I was a trusted ally in the fight against magic. Then he threatened me to never talk about what had happened between you two and he left.”

              For what felt like an eternity, but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, none of them said anything. The silence was weighed with something sombre, heavy, suffocating. Merlin didn’t feel brave enough to speak, uncertain of what Arthur was thinking, but given his expression, it probably wasn’t anything good.

“You lied to me that day…” Arthur finally said, in a low voice, almost inaudible. “It really was my mother and she was telling the truth, but you lied to me. You made me believe it was just an illusion…”

“I…” Merlin hesitated, not sure what to say. “I’m sorry Arthur… Yes, you’re right… I did…”

“Why? Why did you lie to me about something like that? I had a right to know!” Arthur’s voice boomed suddenly in the silent room, making Merlin flinch unconsciously.

“I knew that… if you killed your father while you were still furious and reeling from it, you would never forgive yourself…” Merlin admitted timidly. “I didn’t know how else to stop you… I’m so sorry…”

“It was my choice to make…” Arthur said through gritted teeth. “MY choice, Merlin, do you understand? You took that choice away from me. No matter how good your intentions were, you had NO RIGHT to do that!”

              Merlin bit hard on his lip, lowering his eyes. He didn’t know what to say to that. In a way, what Arthur said was true. He had taken the choice away from him. It had seemed like the best thing to do at the time though, and he couldn’t go back in time and change what he had done. Fortunately for him, or not, Arthur had more to say.

“You didn’t only prevent me from continuing to question my father’s views, which would have been beneficial to YOU, you also touched on the only memory I ever had the chance to have from my mother. And you knew how important that was to me.”

“I know but… I didn’t completely lie… Morgause really didn’t do that from the goodness of her heart, she was trying to turn you against your father and destroy Camelot.”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT, MERLIN!” Arthur shouted. “You shouldn’t have lied to me about that! Hiding you magic, I understand, it was for your own safety, but this… this was mine. You had no right to take that away from me.”

              Arthur’s voice had turned icy, his eyes were hard and cold as he glared at Merlin, the blue in them looking like a thunderstorm. Merlin could also see hurt in them, so much hurt and it made his heart ache. He didn’t say anything more to Arthur, nothing came to him, except how sorry he was. But he had already apologised. And it wasn’t enough, of course it wasn’t. This was too important for Arthur.

              He felt the bed dip next to him, as Arthur stood up. Merlin sat up immediately, looking up at him, a feeling of panic rising inside of him. Arthur must have sensed it, because his face softened just so, though he was still tense and glaring.

“I need some time alone to think…” He said in a low, empty voice, and oh, how this was so much worse than his fury. “Goodnight Merlin.”

              And just like that, he left the room. Merlin didn’t fully register what was happening until the door closed with a soft click and he was alone in their bed. Arthur hadn’t even slammed the door, and Merlin suddenly wished he had. The quiet, emotionless, silent ignorance was worse than anything. He would have taken more shouting and insults hurled at him over the deafening silence and emptiness of the room he was in.

              He didn’t go after Arthur, respecting his wish for privacy. He felt his eyes well up with tears, then the wet slide of them rolling on his cheeks. He hid his face in his hands, trying to muffle his sobs as best he could. He didn’t want Arthur to hear him, even though he didn’t know if he was even still in the house. This was all his fault, he had to bear the weight of it alone. Arthur had already suffered enough from his actions.

              He laid down, turning his back to Arthur’s side of the bed, not wanting to witness the empty space. The fire was still roaring in the fireplace, but Merlin had never felt so cold. He was empty, his magic reacting to his state by coiling on itself inside his chest, as if trying to get away from the hurt. He looked at the wall in front of him with unseeing eyes. He wasn’t sure he would be able to fall asleep, it reminded him too much of when Arthur wasn’t back and he was still waiting, all alone. He was sure he would have nightmares again, they had stopped little by little after Arthur started sleeping with him, but they were always there, lurking at the back of his mind, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike back. Let them come, he thought. That’s all I deserve for what I did.

Chapter Text

              Arthur had spent the entire night and the entire day thinking. He had stayed on the couch in the living room but hadn’t really been able to sleep, his head too full of what he had just learnt. When the sun had come out, he had decided to get out of the house, not wanting to see Merlin just yet, needing some time alone to make sense of his feelings. He had walked around the house, wandering in the forest with no real destination in mind, until he had reached the Lake. Avalon. He remembered the day he had died and the day he had come back, right there. Merlin had been the only person around at the time too.

              His anger had simmered down during the night and he was left feeling empty and tired. Everyone around him had lied to him, tried to hide the truth from him. His father, Gaius, Merlin… He had trusted each of them with his life and they hadn’t even deigned to give him the truth about his birth and his mother’s death. But as he thought about it, at least Merlin’s intentions hadn’t been selfish. His father was too proud to admit that it was his fault. Gaius had sworn an oath and was scared. And Merlin… Merlin had been trying to protect him, as he always did. He had even sacrificed his own safety in a way, making Arthur believe even more in his father’s views on magic.

              He sighed as he came back to the house as the sun was starting to set. He was still a bit mad at Merlin for taking away his choice, but he couldn’t really blame him for trying to protect him. It was so Merlin, the selfless idiot that he was. This thought made him smile a bit and he pushed open the door. He was greeted by an eerie silence and complete darkness inside, which made him pause and his heart beat louder in his chest, worry slowly filling him.

“Merlin?” He called out in the empty room, walking slowly inside, listening intently for the smallest noise.

              As he came closer to the bedroom door, he thought he heard a small sniffling sound and the rustling of fabric. When he opened it, he saw the lump in the covers, his heart rate easing as he could see a mop of dark hair peeking out from under it.

              Arthur approached the bed and sat down, careful not to crush any limb hidden under the sheet. The form froze up beside him, the sound of a gasping breath almost inaudible through the thick fabric. Arthur put his hand gently where he thought Merlin’s shoulder was and stroked reassuringly.

“Merlin, it’s me.” Arthur said in a soft voice. “Can you come out, please?”

              The lump shifted a bit, the cover sliding down as Merlin emerged from under it, sitting up. He looked a right mess, his hair all mussed up, his night clothes rumpled and Arthur understood then that Merlin had spent the day hidden in there. The side of his face was marred with sheet marks and his eyes were red rimmed, tired, still glassy from the tears he had probably been shedding throughout the night and day Arthur had spent away.

              Merlin looked at him with a bit of awe and fear, as if he couldn’t quite believe that Arthur was right here, in front of him. He lifted a hand, bringing it hesitantly toward him, his fingers lingering close to his neck, not quite touching, as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed to. Arthur understood immediately and guilt started gnawing at his insides. Of course, after having spent all these centuries alone, waiting for his return, having Arthur disappear on him like that was bound to awaken the trauma.

              With as much gentleness as possible, as to not spook him, Arthur took Merlin’s hand in his and pressed it against his throat, allowing him to feel his body heat and his pulse, the steady beat of his heart, the proof that he was there and alive and well. Merlin visibly relaxed, his eyes closing as he listened intently to the flutter under his fingertips, taking back his grasp on reality. A single tear slid down his cheek and Arthur gulped, raising his other hand to wipe the wet trail tenderly.

“I’m sorry for scaring you.” Arthur whispered, his feeling of guilt growing every second he saw Merlin in that state.

“No.” Merlin answered, his voice rough with unuse and the crying, shaking his head, opening his eyes to look up at Arthur. “You have nothing to apologise for… I’m the one who needs to say sorry… I lied to you and I hurt you. Even if I didn’t want to, I did. And you shouldn’t be apologising for the way you feel about that or your need for space, just because I can’t deal with you being gone just a few hours.”

“You’re right.” Arthur said, keeping hold of Merlin’s hand as he tried to take it back, his eyes drifting down. “I don’t have to apologise for the way I felt or for needing some space. But you shouldn’t have to hide the way you feel either. After everything you’ve been through, you have the right to let your emotions out, too. I needed this space, you’re right, and I’m not sorry that I took it because it helped me make sense of everything. But I’m still sorry for scaring you.”

              He tugged lightly on Merlin’s arm, bringing him against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. There was a small period of adjusting their limbs to be comfortable and they stayed like that, tangled together, no words needed, just basking in each other’s presence, reassuring them both that they were okay. After feeling Merlin relaxed against him, Arthur finally broke the quiet of the room.

“I forgive you, you know.” He said in a low voice. “I’ll still be a bit mad for some time, I think, because it really hurts, but… I forgive you. I know you were just trying to protect me and I’m grateful for that. Because you were right, I would have probably regretted killing my father that day. And even though it wasn’t your choice to make, I should still thank you for helping save my father’s life at least. Even if you had every reason to want him dead.”

              Arthur felt Merlin tense a bit in his arms, then a faint tremble shaking him and his arms tightened around him. Merlin’s breath was hot on his neck, soft hiccups sending puffs of air against his skin. He threaded his fingers in Merlin’s hair, kissing his temple, shushing him softly when he started to let out small sobs. He held him through it all, not letting go. Merlin’s hands were gripping his shirt tightly on his chest and his tears were soaking his shoulder, but he couldn’t care less. He stroked his back soothingly, whispering sweet nothings and encouraging words in his ear, praising him for his strength and his love and his unwavering help.

              After some time, Merlin finally calmed down, his tears drying and his sobs turning into soft sniffling sounds. He pushed Arthur away a bit, making just enough space between them to be able to look at him properly and Arthur let him, keeping his hands where they were, on his back and in his hair, not stopping his soft motions. Merlin gave him a small, shy smile. His cheeks were flushed from all the crying, the tip of his nose reddened and his eyes were puffy and red too. He looked ready to collapse, probably having slept as little as Arthur had the night before.

“We should get some sleep.” Arthur whispered, smiling back tenderly.

“But, your story…” Merlin protested weakly, his eyes blinking blearily as he was fighting the sleep away.

“We’ll continue tomorrow, love.” Arthur reassured him, kissing the tip of his nose. “We’re both tired and we need to sleep. We have all the time in the world for the rest of your adventures.”

“Alright.” Merlin replied, his eyes drooping.

              They rearranged themselves comfortably, as close to the other as possible, every inch of their body touching. As Arthur started drifting to sleep, he heard Merlin’s soft voice whisper a thank you in his ear.

“For what?” He mumbled.

“For forgiving me.” Merlin answered, kissing Arthur’s cheek and falling asleep almost instantly.

              Arthur smiled, looking at Merlin’s sleeping face for a few minutes, admiring his relaxed features. Then, he felt his eyelids become too heavy to keep them open and let himself join Merlin in the realm of dreams, lulled by his warm breath and slow heartbeat against his own.

Chapter Text

              Merlin had spent the night before half asleep and half awake. His eyes had kept opening, looking around frantically until they fell on the mop of blond hair next to him and he finally registered the strong arms around his waist, the warm, steady breath on the back of his neck, and he relaxed once more, falling back in a restless sleep.

              Arthur’s absence after their argument had reopened the wound of his death that Merlin had thought healed but, allegedly, not completely. He was glad that they had been able to talk it through and that they were okay again, but he knew that the next few nights would be harder, full of nightmares and fear of losing him again.

              Arthur had sensed it, because he had forced Merlin to rest and stay in bed as much as possible that day, making sure to be in his line of sight too, reassuring him that he wasn’t going anywhere. It had helped Merlin a bit. He didn’t feel like he was going to pass out any minute that night, so that was good. Especially since he would have to tell one of the most hurtful stories he had ever lived in Camelot.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep some more?” Arthur asked, looking concerned. “You can continue your stories another time, you know. We have all the time in the world.”

“No, I want to.” Merlin insisted. “I like this little routine, plus it’s really good for me, to be able to talk about it with someone. I mean, really talk about it.”

“If you say so.” Arthur replied, still looking doubtful. “The floor is yours then.”

“Thanks.” Merlin smiled, kissing his cheek gratefully. “So, it all started one night. I was with Gaius, coming back from helping a patient, when we saw this girl, trapped in a cage. Gaius said that she was probably a magic user, captured by a bounty hunter, and warned me off trying to help her. Of course, I didn’t listen and when he was asleep, I got back outside to free her. She looked so scared and fragile, even when I used magic in front of her, but she followed me. We hid when the bounty hunter came out of the tavern and I made the sign board fall on his head to knock him out. I brought her to the catacombs, setting a torch on fire to see where we were going, so that she could hide and be safe. When she asked me why I had helped her, I told her that it could have been me in that cage instead of her, and I couldn’t let her die.”

              Merlin stopped for a minute, thinking about Freya. The way she had looked that night, in tattered clothes, afraid and lost. How he had seen himself in her, realising once again how dangerous Camelot was for people like him.

“She told me her name was Freya.” Merlin continued with a small, sad smile. “I left, with the promise of bringing her food in the morning. So, when I woke up, I exchanged your breakfast with what I could find in Gaius’ chambers. Obviously, like the royal prat you are, you couldn’t just let me go without asking me to do something for you. I was in a rush, so I used magic to heat your bath, like I did very often now that I think about it.”

“I always thought it was weird, how my bath was always so warm all the time.” Arthur wondered. “But you almost burned me that day, the water was boiling!”

“Yeah, well, I was distracted.” Merlin mumbled. “And you threw water at me, so we’re even. Anyway, I brought the food to Freya with some candles to give her light. And then we talked. I learned that she was a druid, but she had lost her family. She kept saying she was cursed and I didn’t understand at the time, I just tried to tell her that magic wasn’t a curse, that it was something beautiful. I showed her some of it, lighting the candles and making the flames float. It made her smile and I was happy to finally have someone to share this with, someone like me, someone who could understand.”

              Merlin was lost in his memories. He remembered how Freya had looked at him, her eyes shining with wonder and hope. The way his heart had fluttered, having found someone else like him. How he had felt like he wasn’t alone in the world anymore. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest, as he couldn’t help but think about what had happened next. He could feel Arthur’s intense gaze on him, as he played idly with his fingers, probably sensing his distress and trying to distract him from it. It made him smile.

“So, you stole my sausages for her that other morning, didn’t you?” Arthur asked in a teasing tone.

“I did, but the bounty hunter caught me, thought I looked suspicious. Alas, my knight in shining armour came to save me just in time.” Merlin grinned.

“Of course, I did.” Arthur preened. “You really can’t take care of yourself, you should be grateful I was able to save you again.”

“Again?” Merlin burst out laughing. “I’m the one who kept saving your life, sire, if these little night stories have taught you anything.”

              Arthur pouted, sticking his tongue out at Merlin for good measure, which only resulted in him laughing harder. For a moment, he almost forgot the pain of Freya’s death. He sobered up, kissing Arthur on the tip of his nose, and picked up where he had left his story off.

“Freya and I continued talking, about our homes, our lives. She said she used to live next to a lake. She told me that her family had died and I promised her I would look after her. She was the only other person like me I knew. One night, I saw she was upset, so to cheer her up I created a rose to give it to her.”

“What a charmer.” Arthur teased, but his smile was soft. “You liked her.”

“I did.” Merlin replied, smiling fondly. “At the time, I think I even thought I loved her. We were almost caught by Halig that night. She was so scared. I promised her I would protect her, that I wasn’t scared of her. We, um… we kissed, that night.” Merlin blushed at the memory.

“Awwwww, your very first love.” Arthur cooed.

“Shut up you prat.” Merlin flushed bright red, coughing to give himself countenance. “I came back to see her later and that’s when I decided to help her get away from Camelot and… to leave with her.”

              Arthur’s head snapped up at that, looking at him with wide eyes and Merlin bit his lip. Arthur didn’t say anything for a long time, just staring at him, and Merlin started fidgeting under his scrutiny.

“You… you were going to leave?” Arthur asked in a small voice.

“I… I couldn’t let her be on her own.” Merlin admitted, unwilling to meet Arthur’s eyes. “I felt protective of her, she needed someone to look after her.”

“I… I understand…” Arthur said, his voice flat. “But… you didn’t leave, why?”

“I’m getting to it.” Merlin swallowed hard. “I stole one of Morgana’s dresses to disguise her and brought it to her. She said we would need supplies to leave that night, so I went back to Gaius’ chambers. He found me and told me that Freya and the beast were one and the same, that was the curse they kept talking about. When I went back to the catacombs, she had already left…”

“We caught her that night…” Arthur said. “She changed right in front of us. It was her, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was…” Merlin admitted, his voice thick with emotions. “When I heard the warning bell, I ran as fast as I could. You had her cornered, but when she saw me, she calmed down. I had to save her, and you too. I broke the gargoyle so it fell between you and her and she could fly away. I found her back in the catacombs, still in her beast form. But she didn’t attack me, she let me touch her. And then, she turned back into herself. But she was badly hurt…”

              Merlin eyes stung, head full of memories. He gulped, trying to swallow his emotions, to bury them deep down.

“She explained that a few years prior, a man had attacked her and she had killed him while defending herself. His mother had cursed her then, to keep killing. I brought her to the Lake of Avalon, like we had planned. I wanted to save her, but I couldn’t… she… she died there, in my arms… and I sent her on the lake…”

              He was crying then, couldn’t contain his grief inside. It was too big. Freya was yet another person he had loved and had had to watch die. She had been a flicker of hope in his life, especially after the disaster with Morgause. He felt Arthur pull him in his arms, hugging him tightly and rubbing his back to soothe him. He clung to him, the only solid, concrete thing he could feel through his flooding emotions. He had already cried for her death, but he also had to get back to his duties the next day as if nothing had happened. He felt like he needed this, needed to let this anguish out of him. So he cried, safe in Arthur’s warmth.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur whispered in his ear once he had calmed down.

“Why?” Merlin sniffled, getting his head out of Arthur’s chest to look at him.

“It was me who hurt her…” Arthur confessed. “It’s my fault you lost her…”

“No, it wasn’t.” Merlin said, stroking Arthur’s cheek. “You were only trying to protect yourself and your knights. I wouldn’t have wanted you to die either. I think it would have been even worse, if I had to lose you… It was worse…”

              Merlin couldn’t say anything more. He had lost so many people. He had sent three of the most important persons in his life on the lake of Avalon. Freya, Lancelot… Arthur… and of all the losses he had to go through, Arthur’s had been, by far, the most heart wrenching one. He had liked Freya, a lot, maybe even loved her. But he was in love with Arthur. Love couldn’t even describe everything he felt for his King (even without a crown or a kingdom, he would always be Merlin’s King).

              He heard Arthur’s breath catch in his throat, then soft lips crush against his, desperate and tender at the same time. He lost himself in the feeling of the kiss, letting go of all other thoughts that weren’t Arthur. When they broke away to breathe, Merlin realised that the weight of his grief wasn’t as unbearable as it had been. Sharing things really did help, it seemed. Letting his emotions run freely did too. And most of all, having Arthur there with him, listening and understanding, trying to shoulder some of Merlin’s burden, was what brought him the most peace.

Chapter Text

              Arthur was feeling really bad. Merlin’s story from the night before had been heartbreaking and he could still feel the sadness and grief radiating from him. Freya had died right there, by the Lake, just like Arthur. And Merlin had to get back into these memories right after Arthur had left him alone for a whole day and made him relive the trauma of waiting on his own for centuries.

              Deep down, Arthur knew it wasn’t really his fault, and that he had needed that space to think and sort out his feelings, to resolve this issue with a clear head. But it didn’t stop him from feeling guilty, to have let Merlin deal with all that pain by himself. Even if he had been there with him as he talked about Freya, he still felt like he should have done more.

              That’s why, that night, he made a point to stick to Merlin like glue, to shower him in kisses and soft touches, willing his grief to ebb away from him. If the bright smile creeping up Merlin’s face was anything to go by, it seemed to be working, at least a little.

“Alright, you giant dog.” Merlin chuckled. “If you keep this up, I won’t be able to tell any story tonight.”

“But I love you.” Arthur whined.

“I love you too, but I need my mouth to talk and I can’t do that if you keep kissing it.” Merlin giggled, shoving Arthur’s face away. “As much as I love it, I need to concentrate.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” Arthur relented, still keeping his hands on any surface of Merlin’s body that he could reach, making him huff a laugh and shake his head fondly.

“Great, now, you remember the Lady Viviane?” Merlin asked.

“Oh Gods, I do.” Arthur shuddered at the memory of Viviane’s lovesick face, looking at him as if he was the greatest love of her life.

“Did you ever remember anything of what happened while you were enchanted?” Merlin added.

“Um…” Arthur tried to think, but everything from that time was fuzzy. “I don’t think so, no.”

“Marvellous!” Merlin exclaimed, rubbing his hands together, grinning widely. “I’m gonna have the pleasure to tell you all about it then.”

              Arthur grimaced at the excited glint in Merlin’s eyes. He might not remember exactly what had happened during his magical infatuation with Lady Viviane, but he still knew it was going to be humiliating, to hear it out loud, especially from Merlin. He braced himself for what was to come.

“When I came to wake you that first morning, you were already up and dressed, which was quite impressive, if I had known a love spell would get you to do things by yourself, maybe I would have put you under one earlier.” Merlin started in a teasing tone, earning himself a pinch on his side for his trouble, making him squeak indignantly, flapping Arthur’s hand away. “Stop that you prat. Anyway, at that time, I had no idea you were under a spell, so of course, when you began spouting nonsense about making declarations of love and wooing, I thought you were talking about Gwen. It was a bit weird, because just the day before you didn’t even want me to mention it, because of your father and all that, but I was happy for you and Gwen that you had finally decided to act on your feelings. I brought flowers to Gwen’s house, writing a note in your name, and left them there for her to find later.”

              Arthur was already blushing at what Merlin was saying. Obviously, Merlin had thought he was talking about Gwen. He couldn’t think about anyone else but her at that time. Except Merlin, probably, but he hadn’t really realised it, not then. It hadn’t even really been a possibility in his head at that time. Being in love with a servant was already bad enough, a man would have been unthinkable.

“We were walking in the castle as I told you that I had done what you asked,” Merlin continued, unaware of Arthur’s inner turmoil. “When we saw Gwen with the Lady Viviane and you started talking about how beautiful she was and all that. I was still sure you were speaking about Gwen, I told you how I thought it was strange how you were suddenly so open about your feelings when your father would surely disapprove of you loving a serving girl. That’s when you slapped me. Not really hard, but then you threatened me to never call Viviane a serving girl again and left.”

“I slapped you?” Arthur asked, wincing. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it wasn’t really you.” Merlin waved it off, as if it was nothing. “But I was confused. And I also realised that you weren’t talking about Gwen when you asked me to give your ‘love’ some flowers. I hurried to her house, but it was too late, she had already found the note and I couldn’t say anything, because I didn’t understand what was happening. And she looked so happy, too, I didn’t want to ruin it for her.”

              Arthur felt a small smile stretching his lips. He could picture it as clearly as if he had seen it himself. Gwen, his sweet Gwen, looking at the flowers, the note in her hands, smiling a bit in disbelief, not having imagined this, even in her wildest dreams, especially after he had told her that they couldn’t be together while his father was still king.

“What did you do then?” Arthur asked. “Did you guess that I was enchanted?”

“Not at that time, no.” Merlin admitted. “I talked to Gaius about it, how weird it was that you were suddenly besotted with Viviane when you had dismissed her as rude just the day before. He also warned me that I had to prevent you from doing anything with her, because her father would be pissed and it could threaten the peace treaty. I thought it would be okay, because when you tried to bring her dinner, she rejected it immediately. But that’s when I discovered the spell, when you found hair in your bed.”

“Hair? What hair?”

“Lady Viviane’s hair, that Trickler had used for his spell.” Merlin explained. “I knew right away that it was him, because of the show he had done. It was too good not to be real magic. Gaius was the one to point out that maybe King Alined didn’t want peace and was trying to sabotage the signing of the treaty by using you and Viviane. I spent the whole night researching. You have no idea how many love spells involving a lock of hair exist.”

              Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle at the utter look of despair on Merlin’s face, who promptly glared at him for his mockery. He kissed Merlin’s cheek in apology, and when it wasn’t enough, peppered his face and neck with butterfly kisses until he abandoned his stern expression and laughed, trying to get Arthur’s lips away from his ticklish skin. He finally relented, smiling brightly as Merlin tried to breathe normally again, his body still shaking from his laughter.

“Where was I?” Merlin asked himself once he was mostly calm again. “Ah yes, I didn’t find anything so I went back to your chambers to do my duties. That’s when Viviane came in, looking completely intoxicated, in her night clothes, speaking about her love and how she wanted to see you. I knew right away that she had been enchanted, too. I asked her to leave but she wouldn’t budge, rolling herself in your bed sheets like a loon. I heard voices outside and saw you and Olaf both coming toward us, so I put her to sleep and hid her inside the closet, which I magically locked just to be sure. When everyone had left after they realised she wasn’t there and you were changing, I took her back to her own chambers.”

              That made Arthur laugh out loud. He imagined the Lady Viviane, enchanted as she was, asking Merlin to fetch his master and rolling around in Arthur’s bed, in her night clothes. He could picture Merlin’s expression of despair, not knowing what to do with her, and how he had used his magic on her at last resort to protect Arthur from Olaf’s wrath. Trickler had probably been very disappointed when they hadn’t found Viviane anywhere. He told that to Merlin, who laughed too.”

“You should have seen the look on his face when he couldn’t open the closet.” Merlin chuckled. “It was hilarious. But, of course, it couldn’t just go well because you can’t stay out of trouble. When you didn’t show up at the banquet that night, I was sent to get you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. Until I entered Viviane’s chambers and found you both sucking each other’s faces off on her bed. It was disgusting, really.” Merlin grimaced. “I tried to break the spell, but my magic didn’t work and then it was too late, because Olaf and Uther were there too and Olaf had challenged you to a duel to the death, which you agreed to, obviously.”

              Arthur made a sound of distaste, thinking about kissing Viviane, and in an altered state nonetheless. It couldn’t have been pleasant in any way. Though, he had been enchanted at the time, so he had probably enjoyed it. Which made him even more nauseous.

“I asked Gaius to tell the king about the enchantment to stop the tourney, but he refused, because if Uther thought one of the kings had used magic, the peace treaty would be broken anyway.” Merlin explained. “We crossed path with Gwen on our way to the tourney, she was really mad at you, but of course you didn’t understand why at the time. You fought horribly and you were hurt during the first stage. You couldn’t concentrate, you kept looking at Viviane, showing off and everything. I didn’t know what to do, at this rate Olaf was going to kill you. So, I went to see Kilgharrah. He told me that to lift the spell, I needed to find your one true love and get her to kiss you. I went to find Gwen and managed to convince her to go and kiss you and it worked.”

              Arthur smiled at the memory. It had been like waking up from a weird dream into an amazing one. His mind had cleared suddenly and the only thing he could feel had been Gwen's lips on his, her arms around his shoulders and his coming around her waist, bringing her closer. It had been a harsh waking up when he had felt the pain in his side that the spell had dulled. He hadn’t really understood at that moment, just knew that he needed to survive this fight, even if he didn’t know how it had begun. Merlin had explained it to him then, just enough for him to know what had happened, but not with so many details. He had apologised to Gwen then and everything had been back to normal.

“Do you know if Viviane was able to get free from the spell too?” Arthur asked.

“I don’t, actually.” Merlin winced. “But I hope so. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, not even her.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Arthur nodded. “Do you… do you think it would have worked if… if it was you who had kissed me and not Gwen?”

              Arthur’s voice was much smaller, shy, and he could feel himself blushing. He didn’t know why he had asked, but he felt the urge to know. Merlin flushed a deep red, avoiding his gaze.

“I… um…” He stammered. “I’m not sure. Kilgharrah said it had to be your one true love so… if it worked with Gwen, I don’t think it would have worked with anyone else. You were pretty besotted with her at the time.”

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s just…” Arthur hesitated. “The more I think about it, the more I’m sure that I had feelings for you, too. When I think about how I feel about you and how I felt about Gwen… I loved Gwen, it’s true. But I think I loved you more. I just didn’t realise it then, it didn’t even occur to me that it was possible. It was already hard enough admitting that you were my friend…”

              He trailed off, unsure what to add to his rant. He didn’t know why he said all that. It didn’t matter anymore and it probably wasn’t fair to either Merlin or Gwen to compare his feelings for them, but he needed to know. He hated it when he didn’t understand how he felt. Merlin’s hand was on his cheek then, his thumb stroking his cheekbone gently and Arthur looked at him.

“I think you have the answer to your question Arthur.” Merlin said softly. “You didn’t know what you felt about me then, and you loved Gwen, truly. And I wasn’t really aware of my feelings for you at the time either. So, I don’t think it would have worked. I wasn’t your one true love, not yet. Assuming I am now.”

              He blushed as he was saying it, averting his eyes. Hi beautiful blue eyes that sparkled with joy and love, that turned gold with power every time he used magic. That enthralled Arthur and threatened to drown him each time he looked into them for too long. He knew the answer to that question.

“You are Merlin.” He said, cupping his face. “Never doubt it.”

              Arthur was rewarded by the most brilliantly blinding smile Merlin had ever given him, his big blue eyes shining with so much love Arthur wasn’t sure he deserved the half of it. But he would be damned if he didn’t try, every day for the rest of his life. Especially if it earned him another one of Merlin’s wonderful smiles.

Chapter Text

              Merlin was feeling nervous. The next stories he had to tell were some of the ones he felt the guiltiest about and he was particularly scared about Arthur’s reaction to them, especially after what had happened when he told him the truth about his mother’s ghost. He could only hope that Arthur would be able to forgive him at one point. He remembered what Kilgharrah had told him once, how one half could never hate which made it whole, and he really hoped that saying would be true in this instance.

“So, I have to warn you…” Merlin began, unsure. “The next three stories I’m going to tell you are really linked together and speak of some of the things I regret the most in all my life… I just hope you won’t hate me after I’ve told you everything about it…”

“Merlin, love, I could never hate you, you know that.” Arthur tried to reassure him. “Even if I get angry, it will never last, okay?”

“Okay…” Merlin inhaled deeply and tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. “The first part of this is not too bad, so I guess we’ll be good for tonight. So, one night, I was awoken by voices in my head. At first, I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but then it became clearer and I recognised Mordred’s voice. He was speaking to someone else, guiding them through the castle to Morgana’s chambers.”

“I think I remember that night.” Arthur said. “You told me you saw someone going into her chambers when I found you stalking around. That’s how you really knew then?”

“Yes, but they weren’t there anymore when we arrived or they were hidden somewhere more probably.” Merlin confirmed. “I didn’t know what they were planning, but they had taken a great risk coming inside the castle like that. The next day, I found Morgana in your chambers. She said she had been looking for you, and I found it suspicious, because you were at training like you always were at this time of day. She seemed nervous too. And then… someone had broken into the vaults and stolen the crystal of Neathid, using your keys.”

“Don’t tell me you think it was Morgana?” Arthur asked in disbelief, making Merlin wince.

“Well, that’s what I thought at the time, I said so to Gaius but I didn’t have any proof…” He explained. “I went to see Kligharrah, to ask him about the crystal’s powers. When I mentioned Mordred and Morgana, he tried to warn me about them both again, saying that Mordred would be your downfall and that there was some kind of prophecy that predicted a future alliance between them, that I should do everything in my power to not let that happen.”

“I really don’t like this dragon of yours.” Arthur grumbled. “He kept saying cryptic things based on nothing concrete and it clearly messed with your brain.”

“I think you might be right about some of it…” Merlin admitted reluctantly. “But he also helped me a lot in protecting you and Camelot, so he wasn’t all that bad.”

“If you say so.” Arthur conceded, still looking bitter.

“Anyway, um… Morgana left the castle so I followed her.” Merlin continued. “She joined Mordred and another man to a kind of camp and I saw her give the man the crystal she had stolen.”

              Merlin chanced a glance at Arthur to judge his reaction to the information. Arthur’s eyes were wide with disbelief and he looked like he was about to deny anything Merlin said, until his expression turned more resigned.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised…” He sighed. “After everything she’s done and what you told me she had done before we even knew about her betrayal… it started much earlier than I thought, didn’t it?”

“I guess it did…” Merlin replied, swallowing down the lump in his throat, trying not to think too much about the next story he would have to tell.

“That’s how Gaius knew where they were, right?” Arthur asked. “It wasn’t one of his patients, it was you who gave him the information.”

“It was.” Merlin said. “He decided to bend the truth a little so we could give the information to Uther without endangering me. We knew the crystal was very powerful and shouldn’t get into enemies’ hands. When we rode out to find the camp, I heard Mordred’s voice in my head again. That’s what allowed me to guide us to them and I made the footprints appear on the ground with magic so that you would believe my sense of direction.”

“Of course, you did.” Arthur smiled, amused. “I should have found it weirder that you suddenly discovered some footprints that I hadn’t been able to see.”

“As I said before, you were pretty oblivious when it came to my magic.” Merlin tried to tease back, but it fell a bit short with the guilt and nerves shaking his voice and his smile. “But we made it to the camp and I ran after Mordred as he was trying to escape, with what the dragon had told me in mind. I tripped him with a branch so that the knights could catch up to him, but he used his magic to levitate some spears from the ground and killed them… He spoke directly into my head then, saying he would never forget nor forgive what I had done.”

“I’m starting to understand a bit more why you were always so suspicious of him when he joined the knights.” Arthur frowned.

“That… wasn’t the only reason but, yes, it definitely didn’t help. That and the…” He stopped himself. “But that’s a story for another time.”

“Alright.” Arthur agreed, eying Merlin curiously, probably trying to decipher the meaning of his cryptic phrases, but gestured for him to get on with his story.

“It was awful, being near the crystal when we retrieved it. It was like it was calling to me, begging me to look at it. It was painful to resist it.” Merlin said, remembering the power it radiated and how hard it had been to not succumb to the temptation. “And of course, you had to entrust me with it while you slept. I tried so hard not to take it, but it compelled me to look. So… I did. I held the crystal and I looked inside of it and… I saw awful things that hadn’t come to pass. It felt so real too.”

              Merlin felt a shudder course through his body at the memory of the vision the crystal had shown him. The flames, the dragon… It had been horrible and he had known that something terrible would happen then. And that something had ended up happening… by his fault.

“What did you see in the crystal?” Arthur asked, gently, taking hold of Merlin’s hand in a comforting gesture.

“I…” Merlin stuttered, taking a deep breath to calm down. “I saw Camelot in flames, Kilgharrah flying free and burning everything and everyone to the ground…”

              He felt Arthur stiffen next to him as he most certainly was reviving these memories too, because he had lived them. They both had.

“I talked to Gaius about it…” Merlin added. “And he tried to reassure me, saying that no one and no thing, no matter how powerful, could know for sure what the future would be. It could only show the most likely to happen at a given time, but nothing was set in stone. In the end, Alvar was able to escape and I knew Morgana had been the one to help him. Thinking back, I believe your father did too. The way he was looking at her when he said that the person who had done that had betrayed him… I really think he knew.”

“You might be right about that.” Arthur admitted, albeit reluctantly. “She was angry about his sentence. She had been angry at him for a long time…”

              Merlin nodded, squeezing Arthur’s hand when he saw his face contort in a pained expression as he lost himself in his memories and his grief. He waited a bit, stroking the back of Arthur’s hand with his thumb, hoping to ground him a bit, until Arthur’s eyes were focused on him again, back in the present, gripping his hand back in thanks.

“That night, Kilgharrah kept calling for me, in my mind, asking for me to free him.” Merlin finished.

“It must have been hard…” Arthur whispered. “Even though he didn’t always have the best attitude, it must have been hard for you to see another creature of magic chained and locked away in a cave… It must have been hard for him, too.”

“Yeah, it was.” Merlin admitted, guilt roiling in his stomach, trying not to think about everything that had happened afterwards.

              He let himself be engulfed in a big hug, hiding his face in Arthur’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent that he loved so much and letting his weight and warmth ground him. He relished it as much as he could, as the next night might be much colder and lonelier.

Chapter Text

              Arthur couldn’t stop thinking about what Merlin had told him the night before, when he had told his new story. He could also feel the anxiety radiating from Merlin who was sitting next to him in their bed. He tried to stay calm, to keep rational and to prepare himself for what Merlin was about to reveal. He understood that it wouldn’t be good, if Merlin’s reaction was anything to go by. He could read the guilt and sadness and fear all over his face, in his eyes, in the way he forced himself to swallow, in the fidgeting of his hands.

              Arthur didn’t want a repeat of the night Merlin had told him the truth about his birth. He didn’t want to scare or hurt Merlin again. Everything he would confess that night had happened centuries ago and he knew Merlin better than anyone. If he had done something he regretted and it still made him feel this bad, he had already spent an eternity beating himself up mentally over it and he didn’t need Arthur adding to it. So, he decided there and then that he would try his best to put himself into Merlin’s shoes and not judge him too harshly for the decisions he had had to make to protect Camelot and the people he loved. Because he knew that it always came down to that in the end and he would cling to that idea.

              Next to him, he heard Merlin take a deep, steadying breath. He turned his head to look at him and took hold of his hand to try and reassure him that everything would be okay and that he was there for him, every step of the way. This gesture earned him a small, strained smile and it eased something inside of him.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Merlin mumbled, so low that Arthur almost missed it. “It was the day the fires of Medhir were lit. Before we left to investigate, Gaius warned me that something must have awoken the Knights and, well, he was right because we ended up fighting them. I had to use magic to make the ceiling fall on them so that we could flee.”

“I had a feeling that would have been you.” Arthur said, smiling, but it quickly disappeared. “And then we came back to Camelot and everyone was asleep.”

“Everyone…” Merlin confirmed. “Except Morgana. At first, I thought it was her magic that was somehow protecting her from the spell and I told her I wouldn’t say anything about it, that’s why I invented the potion Gaius had given her thing, so that you would stop questioning it.”

              That made Arthur’s smile come back. Merlin had always been so selfless and ready to help his friends. It was just like him to do something like that for Morgana, even if it was yet another lie. Arthur had no problems forgiving this one.

“When you sent me to try and find the potion, I tried waking up Gaius with some spells I found in my book, but nothing worked. Slowly, we both started to get sick, too, and that’s when I became suspicious. Because if my magic wasn’t protecting me, then that couldn’t be why Morgana was still awake.”

              Arthur’s head snapped up to look at Merlin in surprise. It hadn’t even crossed his mind, when Merlin mentioned the idea that Morgana’s magic had been what prevented her from falling asleep like the rest of them. But if that had been the case, Merlin, the Most Powerful Warlock to ever walk the Earth, shouldn’t have been affected either.

“Yes, that’s…” Arthur hesitated, not sure what he wanted to say. “That’s weird. Why wasn’t she sick?”

“I, um…” Merlin licked his lips nervously, momentarily distracting Arthur from what he was saying. “I’ll get to that in a minute. I used the excuse of looking for some clothes to disguise Uther to go and see Kligharrah. I needed his help to break the spell, I didn’t know what it was or who had planted it and how it could affect so many people. At first, he didn’t want to help me, because I had yet to make good on my promise to free him… so I swore on my mother’s life that I would…”

              A haunted look overcame Merlin’s features, his eyes looking at something that wasn’t there, and Arthur had a sick feeling in his stomach as he thought about all that had happened that day. But he didn’t say anything, didn’t dare think about it, even though the idea had planted itself in his mind some time ago. He would wait for Merlin’s confirmation, but he was already preparing himself for the truth, trying to reign in the anger that was starting to rise up inside of him. He would hear all that Merlin had to say, he remembered all he had told him, and tried to put himself in his shoes.

“After that,” Merlin continued, his voice distant, his gaze still unfocused, lost in his memories. “He explained that, in order to maintain a spell of this magnitude, it needed a living vessel. He told me that this vessel… was Morgana…”

              Arthur heard the crack in Merlin’s voice as he said it, the way his blue eyes clouded over with grief and guilt, the pressure of his hand gripping tightly.

“I didn’t want to believe it at first.” Merlin said, voice shaking with emotion. “But he kept talking. He said that the only way to break the spell was to get rid of the source, to kill Morgana… I didn’t want to, I refused to hurt her. She was my friend. I couldn’t do that to her. I went back to Gaius’ chambers to get the supplies we needed and… and I took some hemlock with me, just in case.”

              Merlin’s voice was barely above a whisper now, rough with unshed tears. His hands were trembling and Arthur… Arthur was frozen in place. He listened to every word coming out of Merlin’s mouth but couldn’t really process any of them.

“I joined you and Morgana again.” Merlin went on, unable to stop the distress bleeding through in his voice. “She thanked me for being a good friend, for not saying anything about her magic and I… I didn’t know what to do. While we were pulling your father, Morgana fell and a knight was advancing on her. I didn’t come back for her, it was cowardly, I know, but the knight stopped and didn’t kill her. That’s when I knew that she had really betrayed us to Morgause…”

              The last words were like a bucket of icy water being dumped on Arthur’s head. Even after everything Morgana had done, he still couldn’t quite believe it. At the time, he had thought that she was completely innocent. That she had been taken away from them against her will. But the more he thought about it, with all the other small betrayals he had learned about with Merlin’s stories, the less he could see Morgana as the kind girl he thought he had known. He heard distantly how Merlin tried to steady his breathing again and he almost didn’t feel the tight grip on his hand anymore. Everything was subdued, as if he was underwater or in a dream.

“When I asked her why the knight hadn’t killed her, she said that maybe it was because she was a woman. She sounded so unsure and frightened, as if she didn’t really know what was happening either. When you left us alone to face the knights to buy us some time to get your father out, I…” Merlin choked on a sob, swallowing hard and forced himself to keep talking. “I put the hemlock into the water skin and gave it to Morgana… she drank it and I couldn’t look at her at first. And then I turned to her and she was looking at me as if she didn’t understand how I could have done that. When she started to falter, I held her in my arms. I didn’t want her to die, but I didn’t know what to do. You were out there and you could be killed at any moment.”

              Arthur started to process Merlin’s words, slowly, and he turned his head to look at him. He could feel the pain in his hand now and it grounded him in a weird, twisted way. Merlin wasn’t looking at him, still trapped in his memories. His eyes were wide and fearful, tears had started rolling on his cheeks, but he didn’t try to wipe them.

“Morgause must have felt that something was happening, because she blasted the door off its hinges and ran to Morgana. She asked me what poison I had used, so that she could save her. I agreed to tell her only if she stopped the attack on Camelot and, in the end, she did. I gave her the bottle and she disappeared with Morgana. I could only hope that she would be able to save her. When I told him everything, Gaius tried to reassure me, he said that I did the right thing, that I saved you and Camelot and everyone else. That unlike me, Morgana hadn’t chosen to use her powers for good.”

              They both stayed silent for a while, Merlin still lost in his own mind and Arthur trying to make sense of everything he had just learned. There was anger simmering in the back of his mind, but it was subdued and mostly due to his inability to let go of the image he had of Morgana. A small part of him couldn’t fathom that Merlin would do that, would poison one of his friends. But the more rational part of him, the one that remembered everything Morgana did, every betrayal, everything she inflicted on her friends, on him… that part had already forgiven Merlin. Because what Gaius had said was true. Merlin hadn’t had a choice. He was ready to collapse because of the spell, Arthur too. If he hadn’t done it, they would probably have died that day. And, in the end, Morgana had survived. And even if she hadn’t really known what would happen when she agreed to help Morgause, because she had looked genuinely afraid, she had still betrayed them more than once.

              His mind made up, Arthur turned to Merlin and tried to cross his gaze, but to no avail, Merlin just looked past him. He needed to get Merlin back from wherever he had gone to, so he straddled his hips and took his face between his hands, looking deeply into Merlin’s eyes. He stroked Merlin’s cheeks gently, coxing him back slowly to the present time, his blue eyes gaining back their focus until he was finally looking directly at Arthur. There was so much pain and guilt in them that Arthur’s heart squeezed in his chest.

“I’m so sorry Arthur…” Merlin whispered. “I didn’t want to hurt her but…”

“Shhh…” Arthur soothed him. “I know you didn’t. I won’t lie, some part of me wants to be angry at you for what you did to her, but… the much bigger part of me knows. You told me so much about her that I didn’t know Merlin. She had already tried to betray Camelot at least twice before that. You had to make an impossible choice with very little time and resources, all on your own. You saved us all, once again.”

              Merlin’s lips trembled, he closed his eyes, fighting back his tears and put his hands on Arthur’s chest, gripping his shirt tightly as his to keep himself from falling apart.

“I can’t help but think that what happened to her was my fault…” Merlin admitted. “Morgause was able to take her away and corrupt her even more because of me and… maybe if I had been brave enough to tell her about my magic, she wouldn’t have felt so alone. Maybe she wouldn’t have betrayed us…”

“Maybe…” Arthur conceded. “But you can’t know that for sure Merlin. Morgana was full of hate and anger. Maybe she would have still betrayed us, but then she would have known about you and where would we have been then?”

              He could see Merlin didn’t believe him, not really. He was so deep in his grief and his guilt, he had spent centuries thinking about it and trying to think of a way he could have prevented all of it. It made Arthur ache, to see him like this, weighed down by so many expectations and ideas of failure.

“Listen to me Merlin.” Arthur said, forcing Merlin to look at him. “No one can know what would have happened or if things could have been different. And you saved us, you saved me, you saved Camelot more times than I can count, more times than I know, because you still have a lot to tell me. You are human, you make mistakes, just like the rest of us. You didn’t tell Morgana about your magic, but I didn’t help her think she was safe to tell me about it either. And as always, when we truly think about it, the one truly responsible for everything that happened was my father… He was too proud to admit to himself that he had had a play in my mother’s death and he took it out on magic. Morgana would have had no reason to betray us if it wasn’t for him. Please, don’t beat yourself up for that. You did what you could and you saved us all.”

“I… still haven’t finished my story…” Merlin replied, voice still full of guilt, making Arthur sigh. “I don’t want you to see me as some kind of all mighty hero without knowing how I put Camelot in mortal danger… That night, I took one of the swords of the knights of Medhir that I had kept, and I went to Kligharrah, to free him, as I had promised… I tried to make him swear not to attack Camelot, but he just said that there had already been too much bargain. I freed him, knowing full well that he would probably destroy Camelot, with his refusal to make any promise and the vision I had seen in the crystal. But I did it anyway… And we both know what happened after that…”

              Arthur didn’t say anything at the moment. He had known Merlin would say that, he had seen it coming and he had prepared himself for it. He closed his eyes, taking his time to arrange his thoughts so as to not say anything he didn’t want to. After everything Merlin had told him, he couldn’t find it in him to be angry about that either. The dragon didn’t really give Merlin a choice, and if he really thought about it, he should never have been chained under the castle in the first place. Once again, it all led back to Uther and his hatred. He tried to put himself in Kligharrah’s place too, tried to imagine spending more than 20 years imprisoned, chained, the last of his kind, with no one to talk to. No matter how noble he tried to be, he couldn’t be certain that he wouldn’t have reacted the same way the dragon had. He took a deep breath and looked back up at Merlin, who was shaking, his eyes fearful.

“I already guessed that it was you who had freed him, after everything you told me.” He said softly, as not to spook Merlin. “I was angry at first too. But I get it. He didn’t give you a choice, and he didn’t deserve to be locked down there anyway. And what he did with his freedom wasn’t your responsibility, either. You did the right thing Merlin. And I understand his anger too, even if my people had to suffer for it… I forgive you, and I forgive him too.”

              Merlin was looking at him in awe, unable to process what Arthur was saying. Finally, he seemed to understand, because he lunged at Arthur, who let out a surprised scream as he lost his footing and they went tumbling off the bed, Merlin falling on top of Arthur, knocking the wind out of him. They looked at each other for a minute, stunned, before they both burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

              It took a while for them to calm down. When they did, eventually, they got up and climbed back on the bed, getting under the covers and immediately getting into each other’s arms, hugging fiercely and exchanging a few tender kisses here and there.

“Thank you.” Merlin murmured. “I was so scared you would hate me. I’m still not sure if I deserve your forgiveness for what I’ve done, but thank you for giving it to me anyway.”

“I could never hate you, Merlin.” Arthur replied, voice just as low and soft. “And I’ll make sure you know how much you deserve it, every day for the rest of our lives.”

              Merlin smiled at him, more frankly than he had in a while with all that weighing him down and, in that moment, it was enough.

Chapter Text

              Merlin felt a lot better than he had in days. He hadn’t realised just how much all of it had weighed on him. He had known of course, had thought about it for years, turning it in his head in every possible way, trying to find the solution he should have had at the time. But he hadn’t really understood how heavy that burden had been, until it was partially lifted from his shoulders by Arthur’s soft words and forgiveness. He still felt a remanence of guilt inside of him and he knew it would probably stay with him for as long as he lived. But he wasn’t alone with all that and he didn’t have to fear Arthur’s hatred anymore, at least not for that.

              He felt much lighter that night when they crawled into bed, but his mood quickly turned sourer when he remembered what story awaited him. He had had a lot of time to process that at least and it didn’t sting as much as it used to, but he still prepared himself for a very emotional retelling.

“Alright.” Arthur said, surprising Merlin. “I’m pretty curious about what you’re going to reveal to me tonight, I get the feeling it’s gonna be very interesting.”

“Probably.” Merlin chuckled lightly, but it wasn’t really that much of a joyous sound and Arthur seemed to notice.

“Are you okay?” He asked, sounding concerned.

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Merlin tried to reassure him. “So, we left it off yesterday when I released Kilgharrah and… well, we both know how that ended. Three days under fire. I tried to use my magic against him, to stop him, but it didn’t work and when I told Gaius, he explained that as we were both creatures of the Old Religion, I couldn’t harm him.”

“And that’s when he told us about the Dragonlords and Balinor.” Arthur added.

“Yep. When we were alone, he explained what they were and that Uther had killed them all during the Great Purge, because it was too close to magic for him. He also told me that he had been the one to help Balinor escape back then. He said that my mother had taken him in but Uther discovered it and sent men to Ealdor, so he had to flee…”

              Merlin fell silent, chewing on his lower lip, trying to keep his emotions in touch. He could feel them rise inside of him, the grief and pain he had experienced at the time and then later, much worse. He saw that Arthur was frowning, his eyes full of anger, probably because of what Uther had done. Merlin took a deep, steadying breath, and continued.

“Gaius explained that he had made a promise to my mum never to speak of it, but he decided that I should know who the man I would be looking for really was…” He hesitated once more, feeling a lump in his throat.

“Who was he?” Arthur asked, not understanding.

“He… he was my father…” Merlin admitted in a whisper.

              Arthur’s eyes widened at the revelation. He opened his mouth several times, without any sound coming out, as if he didn’t know how to react. Merlin could feel his eyes watering and he cursed inwardly. He really didn’t want to cry again for a father he never knew and the possibility he had represented at the time. Arthur must have seen it though, because he cupped Merlin’s cheeks and kissed his forehead with so much tenderness that Merlin felt his heart melt in his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Merlin.” Arthur murmured against his skin before getting back just enough to look into Merlin’s eyes. “I’m so sorry that you had to watch your father die after only a few hours of meeting him and that you had to hide your grief from me…”

“It’s okay…” Merlin’s voice was slightly wobbly. “You didn’t know and I couldn’t let you know. Gaius was afraid that if Uther knew I was the son of a Dragonlord he would be suspicious.”

“I get it, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.” Arthur grimaced. “That’s why you were so out of sorts during the whole trip too, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, I was really angry at first.” Merlin said. “At Gaius, at my mum, for having lied to me all these years. I know she was trying to protect me but… I had a right to know. And it was a lot to process, too. Suddenly meeting my father. How would he be? Would he like me? Would he recognize me? Would he help us? And then you passed out because of your wound and I found him in the caves, asked him for his help to heal you, which he did, with magic.”

“I’ll never be able to count how many times someone saved my life using magic, will I?” Arthur asked sarcastically, making Merlin laugh.

“Nah, you probably won’t.” He smiled ruefully. “Anyway, while you were sleeping, I explained the situation to Balinor. And he told me how Uther had betrayed him. He had asked my father to call Kilgharrah because he wished to make peace with him but…”

“Yeah…” Arthur sighed. “We know how that ended as well…”

“I’m sorry.” Merlin grimaced and Arthur offered him a small, reassuring smile. “I almost told him I was his son then, but you called my name in your sleep and it ended our conversation.”

              That bit of information made Arthur blush hard and Merlin smirked at him. He hadn’t really thought much of it at the time but right then, it really pleased him a lot that Arthur was dreaming about him, it was rather flattering.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” Arthur glared warningly, but his red cheeks didn’t help to get the effect he wanted, it only made Merlin laugh.

“Yeah, too late for that, sorry.” He grinned wickedly.

“Remember that you literally saved my life while you were dying from poisoning.” Arthur said. “Out of the two of us, you were the one completely besotted.”

“Shut up.” Merlin mumbled, flushing brightly too. He cleared his throat. “So, um… yeah, Balinor didn’t want to help, so I asked him what he would do if his son lived in Camelot. And he just said that he didn’t have a son. He didn’t even know I existed… and then I mentioned Gaius, how highly he had spoken of the Dragonlords. And we left. But as you know, he ended up joining us and while we were collecting some wood, I told him that I grew up in Ealdor, that I knew the woman he loved because she was my mother. At first, he thought that she had married, but that’s when I finally confessed that she didn’t and I was his child. He said that he didn’t know what it was to have a son and I replied that I didn’t know what it was to have a father. I also asked him not to tell you anything.”

              Arthur was looking at him softly and fondly, with such open affection that Merlin felt himself blush under his scrutiny. He had a small, gentle smile stretching his lips and his eyes sparkled like sapphires. He was breath-taking and Merlin momentarily forgot what he was saying. He felt a hand snake around his waist, bringing him closer to Arthur’s body and he came back to the present time when chapped lips glossed against his cheek.

“I’m glad you were able to get to know him, even if it was only for a short time.” Arthur murmured against his jaw.

“Yeah, I am too.” Merlin smiled. “He made me a wooden dragon that night while you were asleep and he explained why he never came back to Ealdor, because he feared to endanger my mother’s life with Uther searching for him. He also told me about the power of Dragonlords, how it wasn’t something you learned, how it was passed from father to son, and that I would only know for sure that I had it when I would face my first dragon. At the time, I was sure that I didn’t have any power at all, after my magic was useless against Kilgharrah. But then… we were attacked and he jumped in front of the blade that was meant for me… He told me that a dragon’s heart was on his right side and that he was sure I would make him proud…”

              Merlin’s voice broke at the end, his vision blurring with unshed tears and he hid his face in Arthur’s neck, bringing his arms around him to have something to hold onto. He felt Arthur squeeze him just as hard, a grounding weight he knew he needed. Arthur didn’t say anything, just held him through it. It didn’t last long, Merlin’s tears dried quickly. He had already mourned his father and the idea he had created of him a long time ago, but the memories were still painful to remember. He extracted himself from Arthur’s strong embrace to face him again, Arthur’s arms not budging from their place on his waist, a warm weight that was more than welcome. He still had a concerned expression etched on his face and Merlin stroked his cheek in reassurance.

“Don’t worry, even if I couldn’t really mourn him properly at the time, I did eventually, it’s just… still painful to remember that day. Probably always will.” Merlin smiled sheepishly.

“Yeah, I know.” Arthur smiled sadly, and Merlin knew he was thinking about his mother.

              That thought brought a twinge of guilt inside of him but he squashed it as quickly as it appeared, reminding himself that Arthur had forgiven him and that all was good now.

“When we got back,” he continued. “I told Gaius everything, what had happened, how I was scared because I had failed and now there wasn’t any Dragonlord left. But that’s when he said that the power of a Dragonlord was only inherited by the son when the father died. And that’s how I was able to send Kilgharrah aways, ordering him to never attack Camelot again.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Arthur shook his head in disbelief. “So, what you mean to say is that being the most powerful magical being to ever live was not enough, you also had to be a Dragonlord?! And, also, the dragon didn’t die?!”

“Um… nope, he didn’t.” Merlin chuckled awkwardly. “Well, he did, in the end, because he was old and all that but… it was a good decade later, at the least.”

“Oh Gods…” Arthur dropped his head back on his pillow. “But it was so absurd, how did I ever believe you when you told me I had dealt him a mortal blow? It was a freaking dragon!”

“Well, technically…” Merlin mused. “If you had hit him in his right side, you might have pierced his heart, so it wasn’t so far fetched actually.”

              Arthur posed to think for a minute, pondering Merlin’s argument and shrugged.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Arthur admitted. “But still, I can’t believe you can command dragons.”

“I would love to show you that ability.” Merlin smirked. “But I’m afraid there aren’t any dragon’s left in the world.”

“Well, that’s depressing.“ Arthur scowled.

“Yeah… it is.” Merlin agreed.

“Couldn’t you still show me?” Arthur asked, sitting up, looking like an excited puppy. “Even without any dragon?”

“Um… I could try?” Merlin replied, sounding unsure.

              Arthur jumped out of the bed in a hurry, grabbing Merlin’s arm and hauling him up after him, out of their bedroom and then out of the house into the chilly night air. Merlin’s eyes glowed gold, casting a warming charm around them almost absent-mindedly and he caught Arthur’s gaze locked on him, as always completely entranced by his magic. It was really flattering and very embarrassing at the same time. Merlin closed his eyes, concentrating on his magic and trying to remember the feeling of summoning Kilgharrah, even if he wasn’t there anymore. He took a deep breath and roared at the sky, suddenly glad that he lived so far away from any form of civilization.

“O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!”, the familiar words came back to him easily, as if it was muscle memory, burrowed deep inside of him.

              He was breathless. Turning back to look at Arthur, he was met with deep blue eyes staring straight at him, darkened by the night and something else he couldn’t quite name. Arthur’s lips were parted in awe and he was speechless. The longer he stayed silent, the more Merlin was feeling self-conscious and he started fidgeting nervously. When he still didn’t utter a word, Merlin tried to get his attention.

“Arthur…? Are you okay?” He asked worriedly.

              Hearing Merlin’s voice seemed to shake Arthur from his trance and he launched himself at Merlin, crushing their lips together in an awkward kiss as Merlin yelped at the sudden assault and almost fell over. Arthur’s arms were around him, angling his head to make the kiss that much more pleasurable and Merlin melted against him, closing his eyes, throwing his arms around his neck and let himself be swept away in the passion of the embrace.

              They unfortunately had to come out for air, knocking their foreheads together, breathing heavily. Merlin looked at Arthur to find him looking right back, his eyes even darker than before, his pupils blown and his cheeks flushed.

“You have no idea how hot you are when you speak dragon.” Arthur finally said, voice rough and low, making Merlin shiver and not from the cold.

“I… No, I don’t.” He replied, still a bit dazed.

“It’s incredible.” Arthur added. “You radiate so much power. And your voice. I can’t believe I missed out on this all that time.”

“Wow.” Merlin chuckled. “If I had known the effect this would have on you, I would have done it much sooner.”

              Instead of answering, Arthur just slotted his lips against Merlin’s again, bringing him as close as possible, as if he was trying to mould them together. Merlin hung on for dear life, giving back as much as he got and letting everything else around them fade away. They didn’t have to worry about the cold, thanks to his magic, and their only witness was the moon and the stars stretched across the sky. They had all the time in the world.

Chapter Text

              Arthur was still reeling from everything that had happened the night before. Merlin’s deep, guttural voice echoed in his mind, making him shiver every time he remembered how it sounded. The way he had roared at the sky, his body taut, strong and unyielding. His eyes hadn’t turned golden like they usually did when he used magic but he had radiated so much power at that moment. Merlin was a Dragonlord, had inherited this power when his father had died. Well, that was definitely a sobering thought. Arthur couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. He wasn’t responsible for Balinor’s death, of course, but he had been the reason Merlin couldn’t grieve him properly. He was reminded of what he had told him that night, how insensitive it had been, even though he hadn’t known what really made Merlin sad at the time and had just been trying to cheer him up somehow, the only way he had been taught to. He knew, deep down, that Merlin would never blame him for it, but it didn’t really make his guilt less strong.

              He tried to remind himself that years had passed since then, centuries even, and that Merlin had had time to grieve and was feeling much better about it. It would always hurt of course, like each time Arthur thought about his father or his mother, but he was good at the present time and feeling guilty about what had happened wouldn’t help Merlin in any way. He was aware that none of it was really his fault, in a way, but sometimes, it was hard to believe in reasonable things. And it was fine, with time it would be better and with Merlin right next to him, he knew he could do anything.

              Speaking of the devil, the warlock in question had just entered the room and flopped down onto the bed ungraciously, crawling on it to join Arthur and slotted himself against his side, sucking up his body heat like an overgrown cat. How Merlin was always cold with all his magic, Arthur would never understand.

“Comfortable?” He asked, chuckling while manhandling Merlin so they could both be comfortable.

“Very.” Merlin mumbled in his neck. “You’re so hot.”

“I know, it’s all the training, you should try it sometime.” Arthur teased, earning himself a half-hearted slap on the chest as Merlin grumbled about “royal prats” and “clotpoles”.

“If you’re done being a cabbage head, maybe I can get on with my story?” Merlin drawled, scooting back a bit to look at Arthur.

“Be my guest.” He replied, keeping his arm firmly around Merlin to prevent him from going too far away. “I’m all ears.”

“Good.” Merlin said. “I have to warn you though, a lot of the next stories will include how Morgana betrayed us over and over again in the shadows, until you were all aware of it.”

“I had an inkling it would be, yeah…” Arthur sighed. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be so, shoot.”

              Merlin nodded, still looking concerned so Arthur did the only thing he could think of at the moment and kissed his forehead tenderly, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

“Don’t worry about me, I can handle it.” Arthur murmured against his skin before looking straight into his eyes. “And if I can’t, I know I have you to help me through it. I’m not scared of anything, as long as we’re together.”

              That seemed to ease the last bit of tension in Merlin’s body and a small smile crept up on his face. He dropped a chaste, quick kiss on Arthur’s lips and they were both smiling like lovesick puppies.

“Okay, let’s go then.” Merlin said. “It’s starting to get a bit redundant but when we were searching for Morgana and were attacked, I had to use magic to save your sorry arse. Magnetising an enemy’s sword to make it attract all metallic things around him, making an axe cut deeper in a tree trunk to make it fall on him and levitating lances to kill the ones who tried to attack you from behind.”

“The usual, then.” Arthur smirked.

“Exactly! But when we went back to Camelot with Morgana… I was so scared. I was sure she was going to tell you or Uther about what I had done to her. I was counting down the minutes until the guards would come to Gaius’ rooms and take me to the pyre or something like that.” Merlin explained. “And then, Gaius told me you had summoned me in Morgana’s chambers and I thought it was it. But she didn’t seem to have told you anything and when you left, she told me that she forgave me for what I did, that she would have done the same in my position, and that she regretted what she had done.”

“Obviously she didn’t” Arthur grumbled.

“Yeah.” Merlin grimaced. “I had my own doubts too back then, but I wanted her to be our friend again so badly, I chose to believe her.”

“I understand.” Arthur smiled sadly. “I would probably have done the same.”

“On a funnier note, that day during training, you started mocking me for ‘hiding’ during every attack we faced.” Merlin raised an eyebrow expectantly at Arthur, reminding him terrifyingly of Gaius and making him shudder.

“Ah… yes…” Arthur winced. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, I avenged my honour” Merlin grinned wickedly and suddenly, Arthur remembered.

“It was you!” He exclaimed, outraged. “You made me lose my sword and it allowed my knight to knock me down in the mud! You little shit!”

              Arthur’s outburst made Merlin laugh out loud. It was a full body laugh, his head thrown back against the pillow, exposing his pale throat, his whole body shaking with the force of it and Arthur was awed at the sight. Merlin had always shown his emotions freely, it was one of the things Arthur loved most about him, but in the last years of their life together, he had been sadder and more withdrawn, burdened with what he knew now was the weight of his guilt and responsibilities, his destiny. It felt good, to see him laugh like that again, full of joy and mirth, even if it was at Arthur’s expense. He would give everything he possessed to hear this sound and be blessed with this view for the rest of his existence.

              When Merlin finally calmed down, wiping away the tears of joy that had escaped his eyes, he caught Arthur staring at him and started blushing.

“What?” He asked shyly.

“Nothing.” Arthur smiled. “You’re just beautiful and I’m so lucky to be with you.”

              Merlin’s smile turned warm and soft, his cheeks still handsomely flushed and Arthur couldn’t resist stealing a kiss from his lips. It was tender and chaste, a loving kiss that didn’t call for anything more, just a sweet exchange. It stopped just as softly as it had started and they smiled at each other, no words needed, taking back their previous position naturally for Merlin to continue his story.

“So, where was I?” Merlin asked himself, still looking a little dazed.

“You were humiliating me.” Arthur grinned soppily.

“Ah, yes! Well, after that, your father started getting ill and having strange visions. No one knew what was going on with him, so of course I had to be the one to discover it. I was in his chambers, tending to him, when I heard a strand dripping noise from under the bed and saw a strange black substance on the floor. I was examining it when I heard footsteps coming towards the room, so I hid under the bed. And that’s when I saw it. Under your father’s bed was some kind of ugly looking root, covered in that disgusting black substance. Someone came into the chambers and snatched the root from under the bed, and I recognized Morgana’s hand and dress, so I followed her.”

“It was her then… Morgana enchanted our father to make him weak…” Arthur sighed.

“Yeah… That night, I followed her in the forest where she joined Morgause and they were talking about their plan to attack Camelot. But Morgana had noticed me and I got knocked out by Morgause’s men. When I woke up, I was chained and Morgause was interrogating me, trying to understand why I was protecting you and Camelot. When I didn’t give her a satisfying answer, she just left me. I tried to free myself, but I couldn’t, the chains were enchanted and the more I struggled, the tighter they became. And then, the Serkets came and I couldn’t get rid of all of them, so one managed to sting me in the back. Before I lost consciousness, I called for Kilgharrah who came and rescued me.”

              Arthur looked at Merlin with wide eyes. He could imagine the scene vividly in his mind. Merlin, chained in the middle of the forest, surrounded by dozens of giant magical scorpions, his magic not enough to save himself. He felt the fear inside of him, remembering how he had not known about any of it, how he had thought Merlin had simply gone to the tavern to skirt his duties. He knew he had been a bit worried after the first day and even more so when Merlin had said he had actually been dying when he returned. He hadn’t really believed him at the time but then… If the dragon hadn’t saved him, he could have lost Merlin that day, without ever knowing why or how.

“You said you had been dying when you came back…” Arthur finally voiced out loud, looking up at Merlin.

“Well, I was.” Merlin smiled sadly.

“I could have lost you… so many times, not just this once.” Arthur realised. “And I would have never known why or everything you did for me…”

“I’m sure Gaius would have told you… eventually… maybe…” Merlin tried to reassure him. “And you didn’t lose me. In retrospect and knowing now that I’m immortal… I’m not sure I would have died back then. Or maybe I would have but then I would have been revived immediately? I’m not really sure how all of it works but… back when I drunk the poison in your place, after I was healed, Gaius told me that after he had given me the cure, my heart had stopped and he had thought it had been too late or his magic hadn’t been strong enough to make it work… but then I had woken up and everything was fine…”

“You think… you think you really died that day but were brought back to life because you’re immortal?” Arthur asked, incredulously.

“Well… I’m not sure, I’m just saying… it could be possible? I haven’t really had anyone to talk to about it, except the druids a long time ago but I never thought about that at the time.”

              Merlin was frowning, deep in thought, and Arthur took the time to think about this sudden revelation. Maybe there was some truth in Merlin’s idea. It sounded ridiculous, but in a way, it calmed his anxious thought about losing the man he loved. If he could grasp onto this fact, no matter how true it was, it helped him feel less scared of what could have happened back then.

“It doesn’t matter if it's the truth or not.” Arthur decided. “I’m just glad we’re both okay now and don’t risk our lives anymore. We’re safe now, together.”

“You’re right.” Merlin smiled. “And, well, there was one positive outcome to this. I came back to Camelot on Kilgharrah’s back and let me tell you, flying is one of the best things ever.”

“I believe you.” Arthur chuckled. “So, what happened then?”

“Well, as soon as I got back, I went to wake Gaius up so I could show him what I had found. When we arrived in Uther’s chambers, everything was a mess and he was huddled against the wall, looking terrified… Gaius tried to reassure him and I took the root and threw it into the fire. It broke the spell he had been under and we put him back to sleep. I wanted to tell him what Morgana had done, but Gaius just said that Uther would never believe me. And then, Morgana found me and she threatened to tell you and Uther I had tried to poison her if I tried to say anything.”

“I’m afraid Gaius was right.” Arthur admitted. “My father would never believe such accusations coming from a servant, especially against Morgana. And… to be fair… at that time, even though I trusted you, I’m not sure I would have believed you either…”

“Yeah, I know…” Merlin sighed but smiled gently at him. “You loved her, she was your sister. I get why you wouldn’t have wanted to believe me. When Cenred attacked the castle, I asked Gaius to keep an eye on her but she managed to disappear. I was looking for her when I felt a very powerful surge of magic.”

“The skeletons.” Arthur said, eyes wide. “That was her, right?”

“It was.” Merlin nodded. ”She was in the crypt and had used some sort of sceptre to wake them, trying to overwhelm you, I guess. I tried to reason with her, to tell her that she would only turn Uther and you against magic even more, that there were other ways. But she wouldn’t listen, saying that I didn’t have magic so I couldn’t understand what she was feeling. We fought and I ended up using magic to make rocks from the ceiling fall on her. Then, I destroyed the staff and it was over. But of course, she had to take the credit.”

“I know it’s a bit late for that but… thank you Merlin, truly.” Arthur said, bringing his hand to his lips and kissing his knuckles tenderly.

“It was nothing really.” Merlin blushed furiously. “But I appreciate it. I’m just… I’m sad that she lost herself in her fear and anger, and I can’t help but think that… maybe if I had told her about my magic, if she had known that she wasn’t alone… maybe she wouldn’t have gone to Morgause and turned evil…”

“Maybe…” Arthur agreed. “But maybe not. She was already angry before knowing about her magic, remember? Maybe she would still have betrayed us all and then, she would have known about your secret.”

“You’re right…” Merlin sighed. “It’s too late for it now, anyway… no need to dwell on it, I guess…”

“I don’t think it would do any good.” Arthur added, hugging him.

              He felt Merlin nod against him and just squeezed him tighter, peppering his face with butterfly kisses, until he was giggling and smiling once more. The tension ebbed away from the both of them and they finally closed their eyes, just enjoying each other’s presence.

Chapter Text

“So,” Merlin said as he got in bed with Arthur that night. “Ready to know the real truth about what happened the time we met Gwaine?”

“Oh, gods.” Arthur groaned. “But wait, didn’t you skip something?”

“What thing?” Merlin asked, trying his best to keep an innocent face.

“Yeah, before we met Gwaine, there was the goblin incident.” Arthur replied. “Surely you must have some things to say about that?”

              Merlin grimaced. He had been hoping Arthur wouldn’t remember this particular incident but of course he couldn’t be that lucky. He really didn’t want to remember any of it, it had all been very weird and embarrassing. And considering what had happened to Arthur at the time, he was surprised the man would even bring it up at all.

“Well, I’ll do the short version if you don’t mind, I hate this story.” Merlin sighed. “I went to the library looking for a book Gaius had asked me to get and I discovered a secret room hidden behind a shelf. There was a weird noise coming from inside a box so I opened it and the goblin got out. I tried to catch it but I failed and it ended up stealing your gold and possessing Gaius.”

“So, you weren’t spring cleaning, it was the goblin that had made a mess, right?” Arthur smirked.

“Yeah, yeah, anyway. You know the rest, pranks were made, I was arrested, but I managed to escape and with Gwen’s help, we were able to free Gaius and lock the goblin in the box again. The end.”

“Well, that was fast.” Arthur chuckled. “It was you who freed it then, good to know.”

“Prat. I told you, I hate this story.” Merlin mumbled.

“Alright, sorry.” Arthur smiled, kissing Merlin’s cheek in apology. “Tell me the story about Gwaine.”

              Merlin looked back at Arthur with a wide grin on his face and saw that he was shaking his head with fond exasperation. He knew Arthur loved Gwaine as much as Merlin did, but he had always been closer to the flirting knight. He remembered fondly all their shenanigans and how Gwaine would always be there for him when he needed it.

“Alright! So, we met Gwaine at the tavern during a fight as you may remember. By now you must have guessed that I used my magic to help, like making benches or plates fly at them to knock them out.” Merlin smiled proudly.

“Yeah, I get it, you were never hiding away, I’m sorry for mocking you all the time.” Arthur said, ruffling Merlin’s hair, making him laugh.

“It’s very kind of you to recognize your mistakes, sire.” Merlin smiled ruefully, enjoying a bit of roughhousing.

              He had missed this more childish, more joyful side of their relationship these last few days. He loved the sweet and caring side of Arthur, comforting him and making him feel lighter than he had in a long time, but he also liked it when they just threw insults at each other for fun, because they both knew it didn’t mean anything. Also, getting manhandled by Arthur was always nice. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts that should definitely be used for later on, but right then, he had to concentrate on his story. He caught Arthur looking at him with a knowing smile and felt himself blush. He looked away, cleared his throat and tried to remember what he was talking about.

“So, um… We went back to Camelot, it was the melee and I got to meet Sir Oswald and Sir Ethan.” He finally said. “Of course, we know now that it wasn’t actually them and so I understand why they treated me like shit all the time they were there, they wanted to get back at me too, for the tavern.”

“Ah, yes…” Arthur winced. “I’m really sorry you had to go through this… but even if it had been him, if I had known you were being treated this badly, I would never have let them get away with it… you could have told me.”

“Well, I had a pretty bad experience accusing knights of doing bad things.” Merlin shrugged. “But thanks, it means a lot to know that, even if it’s over now.”

              Arthur nodded but Merlin could see he still felt guilty about it, even if Merlin didn’t resent him for any of it. It hadn’t really been Arthur’s fault and with Uther still alive, he probably couldn’t have done much against it even if he had wanted to. But he wanted to erase the look from Arthur’s face, so he took it in his hands and dropped quick little pecks on his lips, each one dragging on for longer, until Arthur was fed up and put his hand on his neck to prevent him from breaking the kiss. It made Merlin smile and he felt Arthur’s lips quirk up against his too. They were both smiling too much for it to be a real kiss anymore so they broke apart a bit and just looked at each other softly.

“Thank you.” Arthur murmured, obviously having caught on what Merlin was trying to do.

“You’re welcome.” Merlin said just as low. “Now, do you want the rest of the story? You’re never going to believe what I’m going to tell you about Gwaine.”

“Well, now I’m really intrigued.” Arthur grinned.

“I asked Gwaine why he didn’t like nobles at the time.” Merlin explained. “It reminded me a bit of Will and it wasn’t that farfetched, I guess. Gwaine’s father was a knight who died during a battle and left him and his mother without anything. He never knew him but he resented him and the king who had abandoned them.”

“You mean to tell me…” Arthur said, eyes wide. “That Gwaine was a NOBLE?!”

“He was!” Merlin laughed. “You didn’t expect that, did you?”

“Gods, that is so weird.” Arthur huffed. “Gwaine, a noble. I never would have believed it.”

“Yeah.” Merlin grinned.

“Wow…” Arthur shook his head. “Unbelievable… okay, what happened next?”

“Well, I was in the fake knights’ chambers and I saw their swords on the table.” Merlin continued. “I felt something strange about them, I took one up and I barely touched it, I cut myself on it. Which should have been impossible because they appeared blunted. I didn’t really have time to dwell on it though, because they came back and I had to hide the fact that I knew about it.”

“Magic…” Arthur sighed. “Well, I knew it when they hurt me during the melee but still…”

“Yeah… they were clearly there for you.” Merlin confirmed. “Which didn’t make sense at first. But I had to get proof of it if I wanted to warn you or the king, so I went back into their chambers that night, to take one of the swords. That’s when I saw the strange necklaces they were wearing. And when I looked into the crystal hanging there, I saw their true selves, the men we fought against at the tavern. But, of course, it couldn’t be that simple and they woke up.”

“And that’s when Gwaine came to your rescue, right?” Arthur guessed.

“Yeah, I had told him and Gaius about the swords and he was worried. Unfortunately, that resulted in his banishment, even if he saved your life again in the end.”

“I know, I’m still mad about it.” Arthur frowned. “But it worked out well in the end, so it’s good.”

“It is.” Merlin smiled. “And this is the end for this story I guess, because you know all about what happened after. For once, it wasn’t me who saved your sorry arse.”

“What a shocker.” Arthur teased. “Magic isn’t the answer to everything it would seem. Too bad for you, eh?”

“Shut up, clotpole.” Merlin shoved him gently.

“Dollophead.” Arthur retorted.

“Hey, that’s my word!” Merlin complained.

“Yes, and it suits you perfectly.” Arthur singsonged.

              Merlin jumped on him, wrestling against Arthur who was laughing out loud and clearly not using his real strength against him. Merlin soon joined him in his laughter, as they fought like the children they weren’t anymore and thought that, yes, life was really good. 

Chapter Text

               Arthur was happy. He no longer had any duties or image to uphold and he could laze around all day if he felt like it. He also had the most beautiful man sharing his bed and his life, who had been waiting for him for more than a thousand years and still helped him be the best version of himself. Said man was actually kissing him right then, against their kitchen counter, after they had finished cleaning the dishes, his hands still slightly cold from the water feeling heavenly against his heated skin. These thoughts made him smile into the kiss and Merlin backed up a bit, looking at him with questioning eyes, but smiling all the same.

“What’s got you smiling like that, uh?” Merlin asked.

“You.” Arthur replied, unashamed of what he was feeling as he would have been before, kissing the tip of Merlin’s nose.

“Sap.” Merlin chuckled, but he was looking at him fondly. “Come on, let’s get to bed. I have a brand-new story for you tonight.”

“Tease.” Arthur stuck out his tongue at him but followed when he was led to their room.

              They settled comfortably in bed, sitting against the pillows, Merlin stuck to his side with his head just above his heart and his hand on his chest. Arthur took it in his own and kissed his fingers lightly, one by one, as Merlin sighed contentedly and melted against him.

“So, what do you have for me tonight?” Arthur asked.

“The story of the Crystal Cave.” Merlin mumbled before turning his head so he could speak more easily.

“Colour me intrigued.” Arthur raised a brow at him, making Merlin snort.

“Okay, so as always, we had been attacked by bandits and you got shot with an arrow in your back.” Merlin stated. “I tried to heal it with magic, but as you know, I’ve always been rubbish at it so it didn’t really do anything. I thought it was it, it was over. You were going to die because I was too bad at healing magic to save your life. That’s when a man appeared from nowhere, talking nonsense about how he knew I was coming and had been waiting for me. His name was Taliesin.”

“So, like… he knew the future?” Arthur asked, confused.

“Something like that, yeah.” Merlin replied. “He healed your wound and then asked me to follow him, saying he needed to show me something.”

“Let me guess.” Arthur smiled. “The Crystal Cave?”

“Oh my, but you can be smart, can’t you?” Merlin teased, earning himself a pinch on his side, making him squeal. “Okay, sorry. Yeah, it was the Crystal Cave. Apparently, it was said to be the birthplace of all magic. And when I looked into the crystals that were on every surface of the cave, I saw images, like with the Crystal of Neathid. Taliesin told me that it came from there and to look into them. I didn’t want to. I remembered what had happened the last time.”

“But you did, didn’t you?” Arthur was starting to see where this was going.

“Taliesin said that maybe there had been a reason that I was brought there at that moment in time.” Merlin continued. “He told me to use what I saw in them for good. So, I did. I looked into the crystals and I saw bits and pieces of Morgana. It looked like she was going to kill Uther. I couldn’t get the images out of my head and I didn’t know what to do with them, only that I had to find a way to stop her.”

“That’s why you were acting so strange when I woke up.” Arthur said, running a hand in Merlin’s hair to try and ease the tension he could feel growing inside of him, as he tensed against his side.

“Yeah…” Merlin sighed. “I talked about it with Gaius. He explained that the man I had seen was a Seer, but that he had died a long time ago. He also tried to warn me, asked me to be careful because visions like this can’t always be reliable and it could happen in a long time. But I knew it was coming. I had been shown this at that moment for a reason. And then, I saw the first image I had witnessed in the crystals. I told Gaius immediately, who dismissed it at first because it was nothing out of the ordinary. I really tried to forget about it but you had to talk about offering Morgana a dagger for her birthday and I thought that this was it, it would be the one I had seen. But when you showed me, it was just a plain, simple dagger and I felt so relieved.”

“And you had to comment on the fact that women liked jewellery, which made me change the gift I had chosen.” Arthur nodded. “The dagger I ended up offering her, it was the one you had seen, right?”

“It was!” Merlin confirmed. “I started to panic, so I decided to watch her at all times. That night, I hid behind a tapestry near her chambers to see if she would leave and try something. And she did. She got out of her room, walked to the stairs, just like in the vision. I had to stop her somehow, so I used magic to make her trip and she fell down the stairs and…”

              Merlin stopped himself, trying to regain his breathing. Arthur could feel his hand shake in his and his whole body trembling against him as he was obviously reliving the memory of what he had done. He remembered what had happened after that, how Gaius hadn’t known how to cure her, how she had been dying. He remembered the grief he had felt, the anger, the helplessness. And yet, he couldn’t blame Merlin for what he had done. As always, he had been given a task to deal with on his own, with only partial information. And Morgana had survived in the end, that wasn’t a coincidence.

              Feeling that Merlin was still spiralling, Arthur turned on his side, holding Merlin’s shoulders first, then cupping his face in his hands, trying to get him to come back to the present and ground him. At first, nothing happened, but slowly, Merlin’s eyes focused on his and he could see them clearly, even with the slight moisture visible in them.

“Hey, you.” He whispered gently. “You’re with me?”

“I…” Merlin hesitated, licking his lips nervously. “Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. Got a bit… side-tracked.”

“It’s okay, take your time.” Arthur reassured, stroking his cheeks to keep him anchored to the present.

              It seemed to work, because Merlin’s eyes became more focused before he closed them, taking deep breaths, the tension leaving his body with each blow of air exiting his lungs. He opened his eyes again, nodding at Arthur and giving him a small smile in reassurance.

“Okay?” Arthur asked, just to be sure.

“Okay.” Merlin answered, smiling a bit more. “Thanks for helping me back.”

“Anytime.” Arthur smiled. “Do you feel good to continue this story?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Merlin nodded. “So, I thought I had stopped the vision, but I felt so guilty. I hadn’t wanted to kill her. And I saw everyone’s grief… yours, your father’s, Gwen’s… I couldn’t bear it. One night, I overheard Uther talking to Gaius. He was asking him to use any means necessary to save her, in other words: magic. He told him that Morgana was his daughter, his real, blood-related daughter. But he didn’t want anyone to know because it could threaten your place as heir. I couldn’t take it anymore, I called Kilgharrah and asked for his help to heal her. Of course, he had known all along of her real link with Uther. He refused to help me, because he was convinced she would play a big part in the failure of our destiny, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want her to die because of me. I used my powers, as a Dragonlord, against him, forcing him to give me the spell to heal her. I saved her life and I thought everything would be okay.”

              Arthur could hear Merlin’s voice tremble but he didn’t say anything, just tried to process everything he was learning. His father had been prepared to use magic to save Morgana, the same magic he condemned every day and killed people for. Just another proof of his hypocrisy, Arthur thought. And hiding Morgana’s true heritage from everyone but especially from them? That had been a big mistake. How could he have done that to his daughter? Arthur’s vision of his father had already been broken beyond repair but there were still new things added to the list of his horrible deeds. He should come to terms with the fact that it was probably not the last.

“But of course, it wasn’t.” Merlin went on. “The next day, I saw another piece of the vision and realised that I hadn’t stopped anything at all. I tried to prevent Morgana from leaving her chambers that night, but she used magic against me to knock me out and start a fire. When I woke up, I immediately ran to Uther’s room. She was there, next to his bed, lifting the dagger above his sleeping form. I used magic to make the windows explode and wake the king. He was saved. After that, Gaius told me that Morgana must have heard what Uther had said and knew the truth. That was the only explanation for her rash action. And without knowingly doing so, I had been responsible for the future I had seen to enfold the way it did…”

“A self-fulfilling prophecy…” Arthur said, understanding. “You really had to deal with a big weight on your shoulders Merlin… all alone… I wish I could have been there for you, helped you with all that.”

              It had probably been the right thing to say, because Merlin smiled at him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“I don’t know if it would have changed anything, but thank you for saying it anyway.” Merlin smiled. “It doesn’t erase all the guilt but… it really helps, being able to share all of this with someone, at last.”

“I’m glad it does.”

              And he really was. All these years, when he hadn’t known about any of this, he had seen the way Merlin held himself, the way his eyes sometimes got dull and how he would seem far away. How the tension had built inside of him, the weight on his shoulders becoming harder to bear, harder to hide. How he had grown up from a bumbling idiot, always smiling with his heart on his sleeve, to a broken man, bitter and ready to kill anyone who threatened his king. He understood then, the darkness that had taken over him. Why his smiles had been rarer, why he had been harsher, less forgiving. More suspicious of everyone around him. Though, thinking about it, he had been right most of the time, when he didn’t trust someone that Arthur did.

              When he had risen from the lake, he had been even worse somehow, even though he had tried to hide it. He had looked old and tired, worn out. Which was pretty understandable for an immortal warlock who had witnessed all the worst things in human history. He still had this air sometimes, but it wasn’t as bad. He was looking younger again, happier, more innocent, even with the weight of the years clearly visible in his all-knowing eyes. But he was more like the Merlin he had first met that time, in the courtyard. Arthur knew that Merlin had lost something he could never get back, that he was changed forever and could never be that innocent young boy again. But he was getting back to it a bit and it was heart-warming, even if it would never be quite the same. Just as Arthur would never be the young man he had once been either. But it was okay, because they loved each other, just the way they were. 

Chapter Text

              Merlin felt lighter than he had in centuries. The stories from the night before had been the last big guilt he had been feeling all this time. Of course, after that he had still done some things he wasn’t really proud of, but they had been against people who had still done really bad things. Not that Morgana hadn’t, however he still felt partially responsible for her demise and her betrayal. Talking about it with Arthur and hearing him say that it wasn’t Merlin’s fault had somehow lessened that feeling but he knew it would follow him to the end of times. Still, a good part of the guilt weighing on him had lifted after finally confessing everything to Arthur and earning his forgiveness. He wasn’t sure that he was really worthy of it, but he would try his best to be and to believe it. He also knew Arthur would keep telling him until he did.

              Thinking about it made him smile, as he looked at said person lying next to him in their bed, his eyes closed. How far they had come since they had first met fifteen hundred years ago. After many mistakes, sadness, grief, and anger, they could finally be happy and in love, just enjoying life together as they should have been able to do from the beginning. Well, better late than never. At least that night’s story would be fun, too.

“I can feel you staring at me with that soppy look on your face.” Arthur said, not opening his eyes, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly in a small crooked smile.

“I’m not soppy!” Merlin chuckled, shoving him lightly, seeing his grin widen. “But I see you’re obviously too tired for a story tonight so I guess we’ll just go to sleep.”

“No!” Arthur exclaimed as his eyes shot open. “I’m awake! I’m not tired at all!”

“Alright, alright!” Merlin laughed. “That’s good, because this is a fun story.”

“Great, tell me all about it.” Arthur smiled brightly and Merlin was stunned for a few seconds by how beautiful his king was, with his blond hair illuminated by the setting sun, his bright blue eyes sparkling, like the summer sky.

              Arthur was smirking at him and he had to blink himself back to reality, a faint blush highlighting his cheekbones at having been caught staring once again. Fortunately, Arthur didn’t say anything this time, the only sign he had noticed being the softening of his eyes and the feathered-like stroke of his thumb against Merlin’s wrist. He cleared his throat, trying to reign in his feelings and organise his thoughts which always kind of jumbled every time Arthur acted all mushy with him.

“So, um… this takes place when your father tried to arrange your marriage with Princess Elena.” Merlin started. “Or how you almost married a Sidhe.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Arthur spluttered. “A Sidhe? Like the creatures that kept me in Avalon this whole time? Why would I marry one?!”

“Let me tell the story and you’ll know, clotpole!” Merlin sniggered as Arthur grumbled under his breath about “idiots” and “stupid sorcerers”. “So, it had been a few days since Princess Elena had arrived and I was in the woods, gathering herbs for Gaius, when I saw Elena’s helper, Grunhilda. I was curious as to what she was doing there at this time so I followed her. She went near the lake and I witnessed her catching a fly with her tongue. At first, I wasn’t really sure of what I had just seen, so I used my magic to slow down time and I was able to watch her use her big, purple tongue to catch another fly. As you can imagine, I was extremely shocked and immediately ran back to tell Gaius about it.”

“A very sensible thing to do, yes.” Arthur nodded, eyes wide. “Was she some kind of magical frog disguised as a human?”

“Interesting theory but, no.” Merlin smiled, amused. “Gaius investigated and found some kind of dust in Elena’s chambers. Pixie dust as he told me.”

“Pixie dust… Okay so Gruhilda was a pixie?” Arthur asked.

“Well done, Sire, nothing gets past you, really.” Merlin taunted. “That’s what Gaius said anyway and he also explained that it was why Gruhilda had been flirting with him since she had arrived. Pixies like old men apparently.”

“Ew.” Arthur grimaced, disgusted.

“My thoughts exactly.” Merlin agreed. “Gaius’ theory was that Elena was a changeling, meaning that a Sidhe had been put inside of her. He was convinced that it was all part of a plan to have a Sidhe marry you and inherit Camelot’s throne.”

“I almost married a Sidhe…” Arthur blanched. “Wait, is that why she was so clumsy and all? Because on the day of the wedding, she looked so different…”

“I’m coming to it!” Merlin interrupted. “Gods, don’t spoil the ending already. We had to be sure that this was what all of this was about, so I spied on them and I saw Grunhilda use the dust on Elena. Poor girl, you should have seen it, the Sidhe was like trying to crawl out of her skin or something. It was awful. But it did confirm Gaius’ suspicion. We spent all night studying Sidhe magic, trying to find a way to get it out of her. It was Gaius who discovered the potion that could be used to force the Sidhe out of Elena and of course, I had to go and find the plant he needed.”

“What a heroic quest, going herb gathering.” Arthur teased.

“It was in the middle of a bog, Arthur.” Merlin sniffed, shivering at the memories of it. “It was disgusting. I’d have loved to see you do it.”

“I wouldn’t have had to.” Arthur replied haughtily. “That’s what you were there for after all.”

“Prat.” Merlin simply said, shoving Arthur again for good measure. “Of course, because nothing could ever be easy back then, we were attacked by a Sidhe. Grunhilda had probably warned them about me or something like that, I’m not sure. I used the staff to kill it but during the fight, the vial containing the potion Gaius had made was broken and he had to do it all over again. When everything was finally ready, we used Gaius to trap Grunhilda. You should have seen his face, he wasn’t really happy to try and flirt with her.”

              Merlin looked at Arthur and saw the exact moment he conjured the image in his mind, his face making a weird grimace between horror and laughter. In the end, the amusement won and he burst out laughing, followed closely by Merlin, who couldn’t keep it in any longer. He remembered vividly the disgust Gaius had shown when Merlin had suggested this plan. After they managed to calm themselves, Merlin finished the story.

“After that, we rushed to Elena’s chambers to give her the potion. Unfortunately, Grunhilda had been able to escape and I had to fight her while Gaius tried to make Elena drink the remedy. I ended up killing Grunhilda with the staff and then, I force fed the potion to Elena. When the Sidhe was out of her body, I used the staff again to kill it and Elena was saved.”

“Poor girl…” Arthur sighed. “Living all that time with that creature inside of her without knowing it… at least she was better after that, even if I didn’t marry her.”

“Yeah, all was good in the end.” Merlin smiled.

“I should thank you.” Arthur said, smiling softly. “For telling me that I should marry for love and not just convenience like my father wanted.”

“I’m sure you would have come to that conclusion by yourself.” Merlin flushed. “You’ve always been very good at following your heart.”

“Not that good, I think.” Arthur’s smile turned wistful. “I should have realised earlier what I was truly feeling for you.”

              Merlin didn’t know what to answer to that, but Arthur wasn’t looking at him and didn’t seem to be awaiting any response. Instead, his face took a determined expression and suddenly, he was up and out of bed. Merlin looked at him startled, and sat up. He opened his mouth to ask him what this was all about, but shut it with an audible click when he realised that Arthur was taking off his mother’s ring, the one Merlin had taken back from Camelot after Gwen had passed and kept all this time, giving it back to its owner when he finally came back. He stayed silent, eyes wide, as he watched Arthur study the ring for a few seconds, before locking eyes with Merlin. He gave him a small, shy smile, his eyes full of love and promises unsaid.

“I know it took me a long time, I had to leave you and be returned once more to realise it but now I know. It’s you Merlin, it’s always been you. No matter how much I thought I loved Gwen, how much I did love her. You were always there. I took you for granted and I swear to you, I’ll never make that mistake again. You saved my life countless times, you gave everything to me, to my kingdom. I can never repay you for all that you accomplished and I know you don’t want to. But now I know… almost everything. And I know that I want to spend the rest of our lives together. Because I love you Merlin, more than anyone, more than anything. I’m glad I could have this second chance to finally be happy with my one true love.”

              Merlin’s eyes were wet and Arthur’s voice was rough with emotions, tears glistening in his eyes too. Then, he kneeled in front of the bed, in front of Merlin who had to stifle a gasp and clasped his hand on his mouth, trying to muffle the sob he knew had escaped him. Arthur was looking at him with such devotion, face completely open and full of everything he felt. All his love on display, his eyes shining brightly.

“Merlin, Emrys, Greatest Warlock of all Time, Last Dragonlord, Hunith’s Son, whatever your name, magic and all, I love all of you and I want all of you forever. Please, will you do me the honour of finally becoming my husband?”

              Arthur’s hand was trembling slightly as he held the ring before Merlin. He looked raw and vulnerable, offering everything to him, not hiding behind any mask, just laying himself bare as he had done so rarely in all of their time together. Merlin was left speechless, not knowing how to proceed, his brain reeling with the confession he had just heard. But when he saw the light leave Arthur’s eyes and his smile diming, he realised he’d been silent for too long. Without hesitating, he launched himself at his King, making them tumble on the floor but he didn’t care. He slotted his mouth against Arthur’s, a bit too forceful at first in his excitement, their teeth clashing painfully. After some struggling, he finally found the right position and the kiss turned more assured, more passionate, more right. He made sure to pour everything he was feeling for this giant prat, all his love, his devotion, his loyalty, his gratefulness.

              They stayed like that for some time, exchanging kisses, touching each other anywhere their hands could reach, their smiles growing wider until they were too big to really kiss properly. They rested their foreheads together, breathless, just enjoying each other’s warmth.

“Is that a yes then?” Arthur asked in a whisper, his voice still full of doubt.

“Of course, it’s a yes, you utter clotpole!” Merlin laughed, tears finally escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “As if I could ever say no to you.”

              Arthur joined him in his laughter and helped them stand back up. Gently, reverently, he slid the ring on Merlin’s left finger, both unable to take their eyes off of it. Finally, when it was done, they looked into each other’s eyes, getting lost in oceans of blue, glistening as if the sun was shining directly in them. And suddenly, Arthur picked up Merlin, hugging him as close as he could and spinning them around, both laughing once more, full of happiness and love.

Chapter Text

              Arthur didn’t think he could be happier than he was at this moment. They had spent most of the day in their bed, just kissing and cuddling and laughing together, hearts full of love and joy. Merlin had used his magic to bring them water and food when they got hungry or thirsty so they didn’t have to get up and as always, Arthur hadn’t been able to look away from his beautiful glowing eyes, bright and golden like the summer sun, fading gently back to a sky like blue. He had been forced to kiss him again and again then, unable to resist this magnificent man, his future husband. Future husband. The words kept rolling around in his brain, still not quite sure that all this wasn’t just a dream.

              He didn’t really know what had finally made him pop the question to Merlin. He had been thinking about it for a few days, after having found out that gay marriage was something that could be done in this new age. But they had been talking about true love and wedding and he knew he would hardly find a better time for it. And judging by Merlin’s reaction, he had been right. He knew there were still a lot of things he didn’t know about, but he knew he would hear it all eventually and that no matter what, it would be okay. Merlin had already shared some of the things he felt most guilty about, it was clearly visible in the way his body wasn’t as tense as it used to be when he was recounting his tales. And Arthur accepted him and loved him just as he was, flaws and mistakes and all, just as Merlin did for him. He had told him not to change when he was dying and he had meant it, with every fibre of his being, he still meant it.

              The euphoria from the night before had simmered down throughout the day, becoming more of a warm and tender feeling, still strong but sweeter. Merlin was radiant and Arthur was loath to break his good mood, but he also wanted to hear the next story. He was so used to their little ritual, he didn’t want to give it up, even while he was in pure bliss.

“Merlin…” He murmured against his neck, dropping gentle kisses on the tender skin there.

“Hm?” Merlin hummed in response, eyes closed, tilting his head a bit to give him better access.

“I want my story.” Arthur mumbled, nipping lightly at the sensitive flesh, earning himself a low moan from the warlock next to him.

“If you keep that up, I won’t be in any capacity to tell a story.” Merlin replied, a little breathless.

              Smiling, Arthur kissed his throat one last time, coming up to peck his lips quickly and retreating a little to give them some space. Merlin whined, turning around and trying to grab his head and bring him back in for another kiss but Arthur held on, chuckling.

“Tell your story and then we’ll see if you deserve more kisses.” He said.

“You’re an evil person, Arthur Pendragon.” Merlin grumbled, glaring at him half-heartedly but his smile betrayed him. “Alright Prince Prat, this is gonna be a short one and then, I can have my way with you.”

“Gladly.” Arthur smirked.

“Okay.” Merlin sighed, straightening a bit and keeping a small distance between them, as to not be too distracted by the body in front of him. “Gwen had been taken by Cenred and sent back to Camelot in order to bring you there, in exchange for her brother’s life. I was sure that Morgana had a play into that, that she had probably told Cenred about your feelings for Gwen and that’s why he used her. But of course, she managed to convince you to come along and you wouldn’t listen to me when I told you it was a bad idea.”

“Ah yes, I remember that.” Arthur admitted. “Sorry, again. But she was my sister. I trusted her.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know… When that didn’t work, I tried to appeal to her. When you sent me with her to get firewood so that you could have some alone time with Gwen, I tried to talk to her, about how you were her friends, how you cared for her. I told her that you were my friends too and that I would protect you against her. It didn’t make any difference of course, and you had to tell us about the secret passage in front of her, early enough that she could warn Morgause.”

“That’s why you kept rudely interrupting me.” Arthur guessed. “And wanted to use another way in.”

“Correct.” Merlin smiled. “When that didn’t work either, well… I used my magic to summon a snake, scaring her horse and making her fall. But we both know how stubborn she was and a twisted ankle didn’t stop her from coming with us.”

“She was pretty stubborn.” Arthur smiled sadly, thinking about his sister still stung.

“Yeah, you Pendragons were a handful.” Merlin said in a teasing voice, obviously trying to distract Arthur from his gloomy thoughts. And it worked, because Merlin knew him better than anyone and knew exactly what he needed.

“Thank you…” he whispered.

              He didn’t say what he was thanking him for, didn’t need to. Merlin merely smiled at him and squeezed his hand gently in acknowledgement before moving on with his story.

“We managed to escape our cell and free Gwen and Elyan but, obviously Morgana wasn’t with them. Shocker.” He said sarcastically, making Arthur chuckle. “As the stupidly brave knight you are, you rushed to her rescue and I had to follow you. When Morgause conjured that column of fire, I used my magic to cause her spell to backfire. It created an explosion that was distracting enough you were able to grab Morgana and we joined Elyan and Gwen and got back to Camelot. The end.”

“It makes more sense why she was suddenly in pain because of her ankle.” Arthur thought out loud. “She had been fine the whole time and she wasn’t the kind of person to just stop like that because of pain when she knew we were in danger… She was trying to waste time so Morgause and Cenred could catch up to us…”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what she was doing. But alas, always the gentleman, you just picked her up and ran all the way back like that. What a strong man you are.” Merlin winked, easily diffusing the tension that had been building in Arthur’s mind and body as he was thinking back to all the signs of betrayal he had missed. “Now… I think you promised me some quality kisses after this mandatory bedtime story.”

              As he was speaking, Merlin crawled towards Arthur, straddling his waist, his hands already stroking his chest teasingly, a big smile on his face, eyes twinkling. Arthur smiled back, his hands automatically finding their place on his hips, squeezing and sitting up to be on face level with him.

“I did, didn’t I?” Arthur breathed out against his lips, feeling Merlin shiver in his arms.

              He took hold of Merlin’s left hand, admiring the ring adorning his finger, his heart beating loudly in his chest. He pressed a tender kiss on it, the feeling of cool metal against his lips filling him with love and warmth. He looked back up at Merlin, who sported an adorable blush on his cheeks with his eyes twinkling with joy and a soft smile on his lips. Arthur cupped his face tenderly between his hands and finally connected their mouths in a loving kiss. He felt Merlin sag against him, lips moving in time with his and long fingers curling in his hair. Everything was perfect. And if this really was a dream, he didn’t want to ever wake up.

Chapter Text

“So, what story do you have for me tonight, my dear fiancé?” Arthur asked teasingly as he got into bed.

              Merlin felt a huge smile breaking on his face, unable to tame it down. Fiancé. He would never get tired of hearing Arthur say that, or saying it himself. Only… maybe when it finally turned to the word husband. Then, he would use it all the time, he knew it.

“Well, dear future husband.” He replied, smiling cheekily. “Today I shall recount the tale of the quest you were supposed to complete alone and unaided.”

              Arthur groaned, putting his hand on his face to try and hide the embarrassing flush creeping up his cheeks and Merlin laughed at the sight. He couldn’t help it, he just loved teasing Arthur too much. It was one of the things he loved most in their relationship and his fiancé enjoyed it just as much when he wasn’t the one on the receiving end of it.

“There, there.” He said, patting his arm, unable to temp down his grin. “It won’t be so bad. You’ll see.”

“Yeah, if you say so.” Arthur grumbled. “Alright, enlighten me on what happened that time.”

“Well, do you remember that bracelet Morgana gave you before you left as a token of good fortune?” Merlin asked.

“Let me guess.” Arthur sighed. “As I know now that she was already betraying us, it wasn’t actually a good luck gift, right? I remember now, I felt so weird the entire journey. Like all my energy was being sucked out of me slowly.”

“Yeah, that would be the bracelet. We searched through many books with Gaius until we realised it was, in fact, an eye of the phoenix. It’s designed to suck the life out of the wearer. So, I had to go after you. Again.”

“Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur retaliated, without any real heat. “Why Gwaine though?”

“Gaius said I shouldn’t go alone, that I’d need help and I knew Gwaine would follow me without asking too many questions. And I was right.” Merlin smirked. “I was the first to find the bridge and its keeper, he told me that the quest was actually mine and that you would need my help to succeed. Not that I didn’t already know that, but it was good to hear someone else say it.”

“Courage, Strength and Magic…” Arthur murmured, ignoring Merlin’s small jab, eyes wide. “How did I not realise it then?!”

“I told you, you were an oblivious prat.” Merlin replied. “Also, Gwaine didn’t get it either then, so I guess that means all of you knights really are pretty thick. Except Lancelot, of course.”

              That earned him an armful of Arthur’s very muscled and very strong body, pinning him firmly to the bed and tickling him until he begged for mercy, which was pretty hard when one was breathless from laughing and squirming. But Arthur was smiling brightly, seemingly satisfied with his revenge, and Merlin really couldn’t be mad at him when he was like that, all happy and glowing.

“Can I continue my story without being rudely interrupted?” Merlin asked, getting comfortable against Arthur’s side again, feeling his arm slide along his back automatically and squeezing him tightly.

“You may go on, I can’t promise anything about the not interrupting though, I’m afraid.” Arthur replied, smiling cheekily.

“I guess that’s the best I’ll get.” Merlin sighed, rolling his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips. “We managed to catch up to you and we split up once in the castle. Fortunately, I was the one to find you and I used my Dragonlord’s powers to make the Wyverns go. I took the bracelet off of you and you were back to your usual annoying and ungrateful self.”

              He squealed when Arthur pinched his side but as he wasn’t interrupted otherwise, he decided to continue his retelling.

“When I got trapped in the throne room, I discovered that the Fisher King the legend was talking about was actually still alive. And… he wanted to die…” Merlin’s voice softened a bit, losing himself in his memories of that day. “He told me that the Once and Future King was near and that the prize of the quest wasn’t the trident. He gave me a vial that was supposedly full of water from the Lake of Avalon and warned me that Albion’s time of need was near. He said that I would have to save it and the water would show me the way when all seemed lost.”

“You really attracted creepy people with cryptic messages, didn’t you?” Arthur teased lightly, trying to get Merlin back to the present.

              It worked, Merlin’s eyes focusing on his face again and smiling, if a bit sadly, kissing his cheek in thanks. Arthur really knew him well, even more so after their nightly routine of unpacking Merlin’s past and he was grateful for it.

“Yeah, I really do.” He agreed. “After that, he asked me for a gift in return. At first, I thought I didn’t have anything but then… I understood what he wanted. I gave him the bracelet Morgana had given you and he died. Just like that.”

“I’m sorry you had to witness yet another death.” Arthur murmured, kissing his hair softly and stroking his arm tenderly.

“This one felt different.” Merlin admitted, smiling at Arthur’s ministrations. “He looked so relieved, peaceful… He had lived too long, had been waiting for this day for centuries. He had finally been free of this burden.”

              He felt a lone tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek and then, a pair of warm lips kissing it away. He sniffled and hid his face in Arthur’s neck, letting himself be embraced tightly, strong hands stroking his back gently. Arthur didn’t say anything and Merlin silently thanked him for it. He hadn’t realised how this story would affect him. He hadn’t thought about the Fisher King in years and it echoed into him so strongly. Spending decades, centuries, alive, alone and waiting for his one purpose to finally arrive. He knew how that felt like as he hadn’t at that time. He understood his pain, his hopes to be released from this half-existence. To get rid of the pain and loneliness. To be freed from his duty. To be allowed to rest at long last.

              He wondered briefly about what would have happened to him if Arthur had never come back. Would he have become like him, nothing more than a corpse, stuck next to the lake, waiting eternally for something that would never occur? Would he, too, have chosen to end his life to escape the suffering? Would he have been able to? He had certainly thought about it on his darkest nights, when the loneliness and the grief had been too much to bear. But he had never been able to cross that bridge, thoughts of Arthur always filling his head, imagining his King, his love, finally coming back, only to find a world he couldn’t recognize anymore and everyone he knew gone forever, forced to face all of it on his own like Merlin had had to all that time. The thoughts had been unbearable enough to prevent him from doing something drastic but he had still considered it.

              One hand left his back to tangle in his hair, bringing him back to the moment and grounding him in reality, away from painful memories. There was no need to dwell on that anymore. Arthur was back, he was alive and well, as the strong heartbeat he could feel against his ear reminded him, and he would never leave again.

              Merlin felt a bit better, but he didn’t really want to talk about it, at least not yet. The only thing he desired was to stay right where he was, listening to Arthur’s heart and slowly succumb to the sweet call of sleep. And Arthur seemed to understand that, because he didn’t say anything, just kept petting him gently, until they both joined the world of dreams, happily snuggled together.

Chapter Text

              Arthur could see that Merlin was feeling a bit down that day. It had started the night before, after he told him about the Fisher King. He had an idea about what it was that filled his head at that moment. Just like him, Merlin had been forced to stay alive for more than a thousand years, watching everyone he loved die and having to go on, awaiting the return of his King, not knowing when it would happen. He was probably remembering how that had felt and wondering what would have happened if Arthur had never come back.

              Merlin hadn’t said anything about it and Arthur wouldn’t ask him to. It was obviously painful and he knew that Merlin would share it with him when he felt ready to do it. Until then, Arthur would just have to hold him and remind him that he had come back and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

              That’s how they ended up in bed that night, Arthur lying on his back, one arm around Merlin’s waist as he was holding him flushed against his side, his head on his chest so that he could hear his heart beat steadily, his other hand holding Merlin’s, letting his long fingers trail along his wrist, catching it sometimes to feel his pulse beat on his fingertips as well. Arthur could feel his lover relax in his embrace, his breathing slow and even, his eyes closed and a small smile adorning his beautiful, very kissable lips. Arthur couldn’t resist his angelic face and planted a soft kiss on his forehead, smiling against the skin when he felt Merlin snuggle closer, humming in content.

“Don’t fall asleep.” Arthur mumbled, his lips still grazing his head. “You haven’t told your story yet.”

“You’re such an entitled prat, you know that?” Merlin said, eyes still closed and his smile growing bigger.

“Yeah, well, you knew that already and you still agreed to marry me.” Arthur smirked. “You’re stuck with me now, clotpole.”

“That’s my word.” Merlin replied, opening his eyes to glare half-heartedly at him. “But yeah, I guess I am. Now, if you want your story, just shut up and listen.”

“Of course, O Great Emrys.” Arthur snickered, making Merlin groan.

“Please, don’t ever call me that again. Now, will you behave?”

              Instead of answering verbally, Arthur nodded, still smirking at Merlin who was looking at him with a mix of fondness and exasperation that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Alright then, let’s see… Oh right, this happened when some people were miraculously healed from seemingly untreatable injuries or illnesses. Uther had asked Gaius to look into it by visiting the innkeeper, who had been saved when he thought he couldn’t recover. When we got there, I saw a totem and as Gaius inspected the medicine, it was obviously magic. But he didn’t say anything about it and we left. At first, I thought he was just doing it to protect the innkeeper but when I asked him about it, he insisted that no magic had been used.”

“That’s weird.” Arthur interjected. “Why would he lie to you of all people? It’s not like you would have run and told my father.”

“Yeah, I didn’t get it either.” Merlin agreed. “But that night, I was woken up by Gaius slipping out so I followed him. He went to a house in the lower town and a woman greeted him. I saw them hug and then he went inside with her.”

“Ooooooooh, was he having a secret affair?” Arthur grinned. “Wait… is that the same woman you told me later had tried to poison my father?”

“Let me get to that part, you impatient clotpole.” Merlin chuckled. “In the morning, I asked Gaius about her. He explained that her name was Alice and that years before, they had been engaged. But then, the Purge had begun and he had seen her name on Uther’s list of known sorcerers. So, he had gotten her name off that list to buy her some time to escape and he had stayed behind.”

              Merlin had a small, sad smile on his face and it tugged harshly at Arthur’s heart strings. He felt the guilt churn inside of him as he was reminded once more how much pain his father had inflicted on his people during his tyrannical reign. How many people had been forced to flee? How many lovers had been separated like Gaius and Alice? How many families had been torn apart just because his father couldn’t deal with his own guilt and grief?

              He didn’t realise a tear had escaped his eyes until he felt Merlin’s finger wiping it softly, his smile turning soft and understanding.

“I know what’s going on in that handsome head of yours and I tell you right now, none of that is your fault. You are not to blame for your father’s mistakes.” Merlin murmured gently.

“But I made the same ones when I was king and I followed him blindly as a prince…” Arthur replied weakly.

“You made mistakes, yes, just like we all do.” Merlin agreed. “But you always strived to be better and to do what you thought was best for your people. You ruled with compassion and fairness instead of fear. And you didn’t execute sorcerers for merely existing like he did. You may not have repealed the ban on magic while you were king but you were still very different from Uther.”

              Arthur didn’t know what to say to that, so he leaned forward and kissed Merlin’s soft, inviting lips instead, trying to pour all his love and gratitude into it that he couldn’t express with words. He may have been better with his emotions these days but expressing them was still hard sometimes, especially when they were so overwhelming. Fortunately, Merlin seemed to understand very well what he thought, just like he always did, if the way he smiled in the kiss and stroked his hair soothingly was anything to go by.

              The kiss remained very sweet and chaste and they broke away naturally, just looking into each other’s eyes for a minute, smiling dopily. Arthur was the first one to break eye contact as he brought his hand to his face to wipe the last moisture away.

“Okay, tell me what happened next?” He asked, trying to deflect the subject and Merlin let it go.

“Yeah, so… Alice ended up coming to live with us, she took my room, actually.” He explained. “But once again, that night, I was woken up and I heard her talking to someone. I looked discreetly through the door and I saw a strange and scary creature speaking with her. The next day, I asked Gaius if Alice practiced dark magic and I told him about what I saw. He didn’t believe me though so I tried to show him the box in the room where the creature had been but it was empty. Since he wouldn’t trust what I was saying, I went to the library to try and find out more on this thing. I found it in a book and asked Geoffrey about it. He explained that it was a manticore but that it didn’t exist, it was just a myth.”

“Obviously it wasn’t.” Arthur mused out loud. “Why didn’t Gaius believe you though? It’s not like you would lie to him, right?”

“Well… actually it wouldn’t have been the first time.” Merlin admitted sheepishly. “But usually, he was able to see when I was lying. I think he was mostly in denial because he had just found her again.”

“Yeah, that makes sense… okay, what happened next?” He asked eagerly, making Merlin chuckle fondly.

“Well, I returned to the library later that night. I accidentally woke up Geoffrey so I used my magic to levitate things around him to make him think he was dreaming and put him back to sleep. I researched a lot about the manticore and I found out why the box had been empty. The manticore is a creature that lives in the Spirit World, not ours. To summon it, you need a portal. The box was that portal and that was why it had been empty.”

              Arthur blinked up in confusion, trying to wrap his mind around what he had just learned. He had been to the Spirit World once, at least partially, when he had summoned his father with the Horn of Cathbhadh. Clearly, there was still a lot he didn’t know about magic and he would probably never understand it completely the way Merlin seemed to.

“I tried to talk to Gaius once more but he still wouldn’t believe me…” Merlin continued. “He thought I didn’t want him to be happy… Then Uther was poisoned and I knew it had to be Alice who did it. I tried convincing Gaius but of course he didn’t listen. When you went to arrest her, I told him that I didn’t have a choice, that it was either him or her but he said it hadn’t been my choice to make.”

“I remember that…” Arthur said. “She kept saying that she had been forced to do it, that it was the creature. I guess it was true.”

“Yeah, and that’s exactly when I realised it was, too.” Merlin confirmed. “Just after you had left, I saw her eyes turn black so I ran to see Gaius and explained everything. To save the king, the manticore needed to be killed so that the poison would be powerless and to do that, we had to trap him in our world by destroying the portal. I summoned the manticore and kept it occupied while Gaius used magic to destroy the box and it destroyed the manticore too.”

“Well, if my father knew how many times you saved his life, maybe he wouldn’t have been so awful with you all the time.” Arthur teased.

“Ha. Ha.” Merlin laughed humourlessly. “Surprisingly, I can’t imagine that would have happened.”

“Probably not.” Arthur relented, still grinning at the idea, no matter how farfetched it was.

              He stretched languidly on the bed, groaning as he felt his joints pop a bit and yawned, his eyelids feeling heavy, the need to sleep making itself known quickly as he lied comfortably under the covers, Merlin’s body still draped across his, a warm, reassuring weight. Soft lips caressed his chest lightly, just above his heart and he sighed contentedly, relaxing even more.

“Goodnight Arthur.” Merlin murmured right against his skin as he let sleep claim him in its tender arms, safe and secured in his lover's arms.

Chapter Text

               That night, as they went to bed, Merlin got an idea to spice things up a bit in their little bedtime story tradition. He smiled to himself as he thought about it, curious to see how Arthur would react and what he would have to say. He noticed the man of his thoughts was watching him with a suspicious look, as if he could see right through his plan.

“Alright, out with it.” Arthur said, not giving Merlin any time to give voice to his brilliant suggestion. “I know that face, what are you scheming now?”

“Well…” Merlin tried to smile innocently. “I was thinking that it would be fun, for once, to have you tell the story.”

“Me?” Arthur asked in disbelief. “But the whole point of this is for you to tell me what you never could all these years, how would I be able to speak about something I know nothing of?”

“That’s why it will be fun!” Merlin exclaimed, more amused with the prospect the more he imagined it. “You already have much more information than you had at the time. I’m sure you can piece it back together! And I’ll just have to tell you if you guessed right or wrong!”

              Arthur was looking at him as if it was the stupidest idea he had ever come up with, but that didn’t deter Merlin. He just kept on grinning, looking straight into Arthur’s very blue eyes, practically buzzing with excitement. He could see the other man’s resolve crumble slowly as he kept staring and smiling joyfully, until he finally let out a defeated sigh, closing his eyes and rubbing his hand on his face.

“Okay, you win.” Arthur eventually relented. “What is tonight’s story then?”

“When you took Gwen on a romantic picnic but got caught by your father.” Merlin replied, unable to tone down his victorious smile.

“Lovely.” Arthur drawled, feigning boredom, but Merlin wasn’t fooled in the least. He could see the hint of fondness and joy sparkling in Arthur’s eyes. “Now that I think about it, I probably should have realised my feelings for you much sooner.”

“Why is that?” Merlin asked, confused by the statement he hadn’t expected at all.

“Well, while we were on our ‘romantic picnic’, as you put it, I told her about the fact that I sometimes wished I wasn’t a prince.” Arthur admitted, blushing slightly and making Merlin even more confused. “I said that I had the urge to run away and become a farmer or something. That made her laugh, because she couldn’t see me doing any sort of farm work and I just said that I would take you with me so you would do all the hard work, obviously.”

“Obviously.” Merlin smiled softly, his heart skipping a beat in his chest, feeling warm all over. “So, what you’re trying to say is that even on a date with the woman of your heart, you could only think about running away with me to have a farm of our own?”

“Shut up.” Arthur said without heat before adding in a lower voice. “I wouldn’t have had it any other way, you know that, right?”

              Merlin’s smart retort died in his throat at the intensity in Arthur’s gaze and he felt himself flush brightly as well. He couldn’t find any words to answer the tender confession, so he just nodded and squeezed Arthur’s hand, feeling the ring he had been given press around his finger more heavily, a reminder of how true those words were.

“I’m glad I can render you speechless, my love.” Arthur winked. “Now, where was I… Oh yes, Gwen and I were discovered and then, a guard found a poultice that had supposedly been put under my pillow to make me fall in love with her, so my father had her arrested. And knowing what I know now… I guess it was Morgana’s doing, wasn’t it? And it was her who led father to discover us too, right?”

“Yeah, it was.” Merlin smiled sadly. “I wasn’t sure at first, but when I went to see Gwen in her cell, she told me that Morgana was smiling when they had taken her and she was sure she had been responsible for the poultice.”

“But why would she do that?” Arthur asked. “I mean, I know she hated our father and me but… Gwen was her friend. Why would she try to have her killed?”

“Remember that Morgana was a Seer?” When Arthur nodded, Merlin continued his explanation. “Well, I think she might have had a vision of Gwen being crowned queen. She saw her as a threat to her rightful place on the throne and decided that she had to eliminate her…”

“I see… as sad as it is, it actually makes sense…” Arthur said grimly. “In the end, she became more obsessed with sitting on the throne than freeing magic people…”

“I think so, yeah.” Merlin agreed sadly.

              Arthur fell silent for a moment and Merlin didn’t try to coax him into talking again. He knew how hard it still was for him to reconcile the sister he had thought he had and the woman she had become, well before he was aware of it. He also probably still felt guilty for the way she had turned out, just as Merlin felt responsible for her fall from grace. Even when remembering Arthur’s words from all the nights before, he still couldn’t completely shake the feeling of grief that plagued him every time he thought about his long-lost friend, who had betrayed them but whom he had betrayed too in many ways.

              He waited patiently for Arthur to process the information. The warm hand inside of his finally twitched and squeezed back, his blue eyes finally losing their far-off look and a small, reassuring smile grazing his lips. They didn’t comment on the small laps in the story, both understanding each other completely without any needless words.

“After that,” Arthur picked up where he had left. “I discovered an old man in my chambers, trying to… wait.”

              Arthur’s eyes widened as he seemed to realise something and Merlin couldn’t tamp down the grin stretching his lips as he knew exactly what it was Arthur was finally understanding.

“YOU!” Arthur suddenly shouted indignantly as Merlin burst out in laughter. “It was you, wasn’t it? I knew I recognised those eyes!”

“Yes, it was me.” Merlin managed to say in between laughs.

“How did you do that?!” Arthur asked, still in shock.

“Well, since we couldn’t accuse Morgana of anything, the only way to prove Gwen’s innocence was to have someone else to blame.” Merlin explained when he had finally calmed down a little. “A sorcerer that would get caught and would be able to disappear into the night. So, I used an ageing spell to make sure you wouldn’t recognise me.”

“But you didn’t disappear right away.” Arthur interjects, a look of dread on his face. “You were imprisoned and… and you almost died… you were going to be burned alive and I would have never known…”

              Sensing Arthur’s distress, Merlin took hold of his hand and placed it gently on his chest, right above his heart so he could feel it beating steadily inside of him. Just like Arthur did to him those times when Merlin remembered how he had died in his arms, trying to reassure him that he was alive and well. When it looked like Arthur was settling down again, Merlin gave him a small smile.

“But I didn’t.” He said. “When we realised I couldn’t change back, Gaius went to find another way to break the ageing spell. He knew of an antidote that he worked on the whole night and was able to get it to me just before I was brought to the pyre.”

“When you lunged at him, spewing nonsense, that’s how you got it.” Arthur nodded, relaxing more. “When you said you had other crimes to confess, you were trying to buy more time.”

              Merlin nodded and finally, Arthur laughed.

“Gods, Merlin, you were really an idiot.” Arthur smiled brightly. “I also can’t believe all those things you said during your trial with my father. You just used the opportunity to say everything you couldn’t as yourself, didn’t you?”

“Well, can’t blame me for having some complaints and finding the right moment to voice them, right?” Merlin smirked. “You were treating me badly at the time, always throwing things at me and never being thankful for me saving your royal backside.”

“Hey! I didn’t know you did that most of the time! But yes, I guess I wasn’t really nice to you sometimes.” Arthur conceded.

“Glad we agree on that, sire.” Merlin smiled, elated.

Chapter Text

              Arthur couldn’t stop thinking about everything Merlin had revealed the night before. Of course, he remembered the last battle he had fought against Morgana, the old man he had seen using magic to cast lightning on the Saxons around him. He thought he had recognized him and Merlin had told him then that it had actually been him in disguise, but somehow, Arthur hadn’t made the connection with the same old man who had taken the blame for “enchanting” him to fall in love with Gwen.

              Another memory was making itself known, but he tried to ignore it for the time being. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to acknowledge this part of their mutual history, and he knew it would eventually come into their nightly talks. He pushed the thoughts aside, trying to focus instead on the warm body sliding next to him under the covers.

              As he looked inside his bright blue eyes that were watching him lovingly, he couldn’t help but smile warmly in return and the last remains of dark thoughts left, as if taken away by waves of tenderness, drowned into an ocean of love and affection. He felt strong arms encircle his waist and a hand coming up to tangle in his hair as his head was tucked safely against the soft skin of a neck that smelled like home. Merlin really had a knack to feel his moods and understand his needs even before he himself became aware of them and it made him feel safe and secure, cared for.

              They stayed like that for long, sweet minutes with hands massaging his back and head softly, making him relax more and more in the tender embrace until, finally, he felt completely boneless and without any worry in the world.

“That’s more like it.” A quiet voice whispered in his ear. “Are you ready for your bedtime story, love?”

              Arthur was feeling much too relaxed to do anything but nod against Merlin’s neck and he felt the other man chuckle against him, the sound vibrating through his chest soothing him even more.

“Alright then, but don’t you dare fall asleep.” Merlin’s smile could be heard in his playful voice.

“I won’t.” Arthur mumbled against his neck, feeling him shiver at the sensation, a smile stretching his own lips too.

“Okay, this happened at the time of the Decennial Tournament,” Merlin started explaining. “I was taking care of your armour for the fight the next day when two men decided that they wanted me to attend to their things instead, and they weren’t very nice about it. That’s when a young man I had never seen before intervened and made them leave. His name was Gilli.”

              Feeling his eyes drooping a bit as he listened to what Merlin was saying, Arthur extracted himself a bit from his embrace, blinking rapidly and trying to stay awake. The cold rush he felt from leaving the warmth of Merlin’s arms helped with that and so he decided to stay where he was. That had the additional bonus of being able to watch Merlin as he told his story and that was clearly a positive.

“Gilli was participating in the tournament. During his first fight, Gaius and I immediately noticed that he was using magic against his opponent,” Merlin continued. “He was hurt during the fight but refused to be seen to by Gaius. Later, when your father called us because of a weird thing the guards had seen, Gaius found a ring next to the door that had been burnt. That was what Gilli was using to do magic and that’s how he had healed himself, by cauterising the wound with heat.”

“Why would he rather do something that painful instead of just going to see a physician?” Arthur asked, bewildered.

“Probably didn’t want to attract attention? I’m not really sure, maybe because it would heal faster that way too,” Merlin said. “Anyway, I went to the inn he was staying in to give him back the ring and talk to him. He told me about how the ring belonged to his father, but he’d never used it because he was apparently scared. I asked him to withdraw from the tournament because he was risking getting caught and endangering his life by using his magic like that, but he didn’t really listen to me.”

“That boy had something to prove, didn’t he?” Arthur asked. What Merlin was telling of the boy somehow reminded him of how he used to be when he was younger.

“Yeah, he did.” Merlin nodded. “Obviously, he used magic again in his fight the next day but this time, as you probably remember, he actually ended up killing his opponent. After the fight, I spoke with him again and he told me that he had never wanted to kill anyone and that he would withdraw from the tournament as I was advising.”

“But he didn’t,” Arthur remembered. “He ended up in the finals against my father.”

“Yep. He fought with magic again. Gaius told me that I had to stop him, otherwise Uther could be killed or Gilli’s magic could be found out, or worse, both.“ Merlin explained. “So, I went back to the inn again and I saw him surrounded by people listening avidly to his great fighting tale.”

              Arthur nodded, understanding what had happened. Gilli, a young orphan boy, who didn’t look particularly frightening, must have faced a lot of bullying and other unpleasant experiences from other people who loved to just mess with seemingly weaker beings. He had felt the need to prove himself to all of them but most importantly to himself by using the gift his father had been too scared to use. And when he had gone too far, it had been scary. But then, all those people around him had noticed him and found him strong and worthy of attention. Of course, he had basked in it and wanted to keep it going. It was completely understandable. And having the opportunity to face the man who would have him executed for using this gift, becoming a hero for the magical community, that must have been exhilarating.

“I showed him my magic that night.” Merlin said. “I tried to make him understand the beauty of it. How magic was supposed to be a tool for good, to help other people, to heal, to grow, to fight for what was right. But he wouldn’t listen. He kept saying that I was betraying my kind, that killing Uther would solve the problem and that it was time for magic users to strike back. I tried to tell him that magic used for one’s own gain did nothing but corrupt but he didn’t understand…”

              Listening to Merlin, it made so much sense. How his father had viewed magic as something evil when it was not. Magic just existed and as anything else, it was how people used it that made it good or evil. And even such notions were very subjective. He already knew that he had been blind all these years but this was a strong reminder of everything he still didn’t know and understand completely. But he was learning and it was amazing. He would never tire of seeing Merlin use magic in simple ways around their house or just for fun. Back then, no one really did understand any of it.

“That night, I called Kilgharrah because I didn’t really know what to do anymore.” Merlin added. “What Gilli had said kept running in my head and I couldn’t help some part of me to think that maybe he was right. I never liked Uther and he was responsible for such horrible crimes against people like me. But Kilgharrah said that if you saw your father be killed by magic, it would harden your heart forever. And of course, he was right.”

              Again, the nagging thoughts he had had before he came back, urging him to remember a certain moment of his past life, but he continued to ignore it. That was a story for another time.

“If there’s one thing I could never resent Uther for, it’s that in his own weird and kind of violent way, he still cared deeply for you, even if he didn’t show it that well.” Merlin said, stroking Arthur’s waist. “So, I used my magic to counteract Gilli during his fight against Uther.”

“You saved his life again.” Arthur smiled. “For me.”

“Always for you.” Merlin smiled back. “After that, I spoke with Gilli again. This time, he understood what I had been trying to tell him and why his father had been so scared of using the ring when he was alive. I told him that things wouldn’t be the same forever, that one day, magic would once again be permitted in Camelot.”

“Was it?” Arthur asked softly.

“What?” Merlin asked back, seeming a bit lost.

“Magic.” Arthur explained. “Was it permitted in Camelot after I… you know…”

“Oh…” Merlin’s eyes clouded a bit, as they always did every time he was reminded of Arthur’s death.

              Not wanting to upset him too much, Arthur gently took one of his hands that was against his back and brought it to his neck, applying pressure on Merlin’s fingers so that he could feel his steady pulse. He watched as Merlin swallowed roughly but still relaxed visibly at the physical reminder that Arthur was right there, alive and well.

“Yes, it was.” Merlin finally replied, voice a bit rougher with emotions. “After Gwen was crowned queen regnant, she worked hard to lift the ban against magic. She had guessed that I was the sorcerer who fought alongside Camelot at Camlann and… well, I didn’t come back to Camelot right away, I couldn’t really. But after some time, Gaius and Gwen managed to contact me and ask me to come back. She had spent days talking with Gaius about magic, trying to understand it and she wanted me to become her Court Sorcerer, to have someone with good knowledge of magic to help her with the new laws and ensuring everything would go smoothly. With me being Emrys and all, she also thought it would be a good sign towards the magical community, that they would probably trust it more if I was the one being in this position.”

“She was always the smart one.” Arthur smiled sadly. “She was right, the position would have been perfect for you. I’m glad your dream finally came true and that magic was allowed back in Camelot, that my father’s crimes were somehow answered for.”

“My dream included you on the throne Arthur, you know that,” Merlin said, voice wavering slightly. “It was good but… It always felt incomplete to me.”

              Instead of answering, Arthur buried himself in Merlin’s chest again and hugged him tightly. He felt him bury his head in his neck, and if there was some moisture on his skin, he didn’t comment on it, simply holding Merlin’s trembling body, shushing him and cradling him until he finally fell asleep.

Chapter Text

              Merlin was sitting on the couch, a cup of tea held tightly in his hands, the heat a comforting feeling against his cold skin. He could hear the noise of Arthur cleaning the dishes in their kitchen, making him smile softly.

             It had taken some time to get him accustomed to this new, modern world and how it worked but Arthur was nothing if not a quick learner. They were able to divide the tasks more easily after a few weeks and surprisingly, washing dirty plates was something the former king enjoyed doing. He said it helped quiet his brain for a bit and Merlin wouldn’t complain. Doing the dishes really wasn’t his favourite activity so it was nice to have someone else do it. It was fair, too, as he did all the cooking, especially after Arthur had almost burnt down his whole kitchen when trying to make toast.

             That memory made him chuckle lightly, remembering Arthur’s face of utter panic clearly in his mind’s eye. Thank the gods for his magic or things could have ended much more drastically. This dimmed his smile a bit as he thought about their conversation of the night before.

             It was always emotionally draining, thinking and talking about Arthur’s death and what he had done after. The hollow feeling in his chest would grow bigger again with grief and loss, making him feel empty and lost, without any purpose in life, just like he had all that time when Arthur was gone.

             Fortunately, his king was used to his reactions to this and knew exactly how to help soften the blow. Thus, their current situation of Merlin relaxing on the couch and Arthur doing the dishes. He had flat out ordered him to just sit down and let him take care of everything and Merlin was internally grateful for the quiet moment. It helped as a reminder that he wasn’t alone anymore and that he didn’t have to do everything by himself, he could ask for help if he needed some.

             The sound coming from the kitchen stopped gradually and Arthur finally emerged, a cup of tea in his hands too as he came to sit down, facing Merlin and tangling their feet on the couch. They stayed like that for a few minutes, sipping on their tea and simply enjoying each other’s presence, no words needed.

“So, what new adventure do you have for me this evening?” Arthur asked once his tea was finished, putting his cup down on the coffee table.

“The quest for the Cup of Life,” Merlin replied. “Would that be good for you, sire?”

“Perfect.” Arthur smiled. “Please, do begin.”

“Thank you for your permission, my lord.” Merlin retorted, lips twitching as he fought back his own smile. “At that time, I thought that the cup had been destroyed with Nimueh on the Isle of the Blessed, but Gaius told me that it couldn’t be destroyed. He also explained that Uther was right to be scared because it had been used with evil intent before, to create an immortal army.”

              Arthur hummed noncommittally, showing that he was listening as he took one of Merlin’s feet in his hands and began massaging it gently. It was surprisingly good, Arthur’s calloused fingers feeling heavenly on his skin and the small shock of cold from the band on his ring finger a stark reminder of the one adorning Merlin’s own. Relaxing under the soft touch, the warlock tried to get his thoughts back in order and continue his story.

“As you probably remember, it was on our journey to retrieve the cup that we found Gwaine. As you were both fighting for those slave traders, I used my magic to light the ropes on the ceiling on fire and save both of your useless arses.”

              At this particular comment, Arthur pinched the side of his foot, making Merlin yelp at the sudden sting before delving into laughter as fingers tickled his sole. Probably feeling merciful, Arthur ended the torture quickly and resumed his soothing ministrations, allowing Merlin to catch his breath again.

“When we were able to retrieve the cup from the Druids, Iseldir spoke to me telepathically, telling me it was in my care then and that our future depended on it.” Merlin continued.

“No pressure then.” Arthur remarked, smiling.

“None at all, only the fate of Albion and all its inhabitants, the usual.” Merlin said sarcastically. “But of course, our lives were never simple. We were attacked, you got injured and we lost the cup. I made Gwaine go and get some more firewood so I could be alone with you and try healing your wound with my magic but, you know, I’ve always been rubbish at this kind of magic so it didn’t really work.”

“You really are useless, Merlin.” Arthur taunted, an amused twinkle in his eyes.

              Merlin stuck out his tongue and tried to kick him with his feet but Arthur was stronger and he trapped them both with his hands easily. It really wasn’t fair but Merlin couldn’t really complain when Arthur started massaging his other foot.

“Shut up and let me tell my story.” He ended up muttering. “When we got back to Camelot, I was able to retrieve the vial the Fisher King had given me from my room while Gaius checked on your wound. Then we had to flee into the caves as you know. I told him that I had sent a letter to Lancelot and asked him about how the immortal army had been defeated the first time the cup had been used for that. He said that the cup had to be emptied from the blood that was put in it.”

“Sounds simple enough.” Arthur commented, still fully concentrated on Merlin’s feet, as if on a mission.

“It always sounded simple.” Merlin sighed. “I showed the vial to Gaius, reminding him that the Fisher King had given it to me to use in Camelot’s darkest hour. But he'd never explained how it was supposed to work, obviously. I tried using magic on it but it did absolutely nothing. I fell asleep at one moment and I dropped it, the water flowing on the rocks of the cave. I panicked at first but then I realised that the water was sparkling with magic and was gathering in one place. That’s when Freya’s face appeared inside of it.”

“Freya?” Arthur asked, stopping his hands for a minute. “Wasn’t that the druid girl you tried to save before? The one that turned into a winged cat?”

“Yes, that’s her.” Merlin smiled sadly, remembering how happy he had been to see her again, but also the hurtful reminder that she wasn’t part of the living anymore.

“Do you still miss her?” Arthur inquired in a small voice, not quite meeting Merlin’s eyes.

              He was hunched on himself a bit, trying to not look bothered but his hands were gripping Merlin’s feet a little tighter than before. And he knew him well after all this time. Arthur was feeling insecure but didn’t want to show it. It was a remnant of Uther’s teaching, of not being allowed to show any emotion or any weakness to anyone, no matter how close.

              Merlin gently took hold of one of Arthur’s hands and squeezed it reassuringly, trying to meet his elusive gaze. Once he managed to lock eyes with him, he gave him a small smile which Arthur returned hesitantly.

“Yes, sometimes I still miss her.” Merlin answered truthfully, holding tight to Arthur’s hand, not letting him escape. “But I know she’s happier where she is now. And I’ll never miss her as much as I missed you. Or would miss you if you ever left me again.”

“I wouldn’t,” Arthur blurted out quickly. “I’ll never, ever leave you alone again. I swear it, Merlin.”

“I know.” Merlin smiled, a bit wobbly with the emotions swirling inside of him.

              They looked at each other for a few more minutes, fingers locked together, trying to convey everything they felt and couldn’t really speak out loud because words couldn’t quite express it. Then, Arthur put his hands back on Merlin’s feet, squeezing his ankles gently and Merlin reclined back on the couch, getting comfortable again to continue the story.

“So, I was really surprised to see her in the water.” He said. “She told me that she could finally repay me for what I did for her. She said that to kill Morgana’s immortal army, I would need a weapon that can slay the dead.”

“A sword forged in a dragon’s breath,” Arthur murmured, eyes widening.

“You remembered.” Merlin grinned proudly. “Yes, that’s exactly the weapon we needed. She told me that I could go to the lake where I had thrown it and she would give it back. So, I called Kilgharrah to take me there. He warned me again about the dangers of the sword and made me promise that once it had served its purpose, I would hide it where no one could ever find it. Then, I found a small boat on the bank of the lake and I used magic to get it to the middle of the lake where Freya gave me the sword. When I got back, we were found and as I fought one of the soldiers with it, I was able to destroy him.”

“That sword is really scary now that I think about it.” Arthur said. “I understand why that dragon didn’t want my father, or anyone else for that matter, to get it.”

“It is really powerful,” Merlin admitted. “After that, when you were all sleeping in that old castle, Lancelot asked me about my plan. I told him that I needed to find the Cup and empty it from the blood it contained. He… he said that I was the one you should knight, because I was the bravest of them all and you didn’t know it…”

“He was right, you know.” Arthur murmured, stroking Merlin’s foot reverently. “You really were the bravest of us all… And I wish I could have known and given you the recognition you deserve.”

              Gently, Merlin took his feet out of Arthur’s hands and crawled across the couch to sit in his lap, one hand tangling in his golden hair, the other cupping his face, looking deeply into his sad eyes.

“I didn’t want nor need any recognition. I did all of it for you, Arthur, and being able to stay by your side all those years, protecting you, helping you become the great king you were… that’s all I ever needed and I would have been happy to do that for the rest of my life.”

              Without letting Arthur respond, Merlin pressed their lips together, feeling Arthur’s arms snake around his waist and hold him tightly against him, kissing back eagerly. They kept it chaste and sweet, revelling in the soft glide of lips against lips, warming up their hearts and souls. They separated slowly, staying close and sharing each other’s air for a moment.

“I love you.” Arthur whispered, the words skimming Merlin’s lips like a feather, making him shiver.

“I love you, too.” He murmured back, smiling.

“So, would you like to finish telling your story?” Arthur asked, eyes still closed.

              Merlin nodded, pecking his nose and getting back to his place on the couch, his feet in Arthur’s lap, who took them in his hands again, without really thinking about it.

“So, where was I… oh yes! Lancelot. I told him that I had to find a way to get to the Cup without you knowing, and he said he’d find a way.”

“The warning bells,” Arthur guessed. “That’s why they could still use them.”

“Yeah, sorry about that, we didn’t have time to really disable them,” Merlin grinned sheepishly. “Once we were inside the castle, I could sense the Cup’s power. We followed it and fought the soldiers that were in our way, Lancelot keeping them occupied while I used the sword to end them. We finally found the Cup but of course, the room was full of enemies and we had to fight them too. Lancelot got hurt but we had managed to get rid of them and I was about to get to the Cup when Morgause came into the room and used her magic to throw me away, into the wall. That’s when Gaius came in, because of course he couldn’t just stay safely with Gwen. He used his own magic to get Morgause away from me but it wasn’t enough. She was about to attack him so I threw her back against a wall and it knocked her out. After that, I used the sword to spill the Cup.”

“Well, you should be grateful Gaius was there to save you.” Arthur chided him gently.

“I’m sure I could have handled it.” Merlin pouted.

“I’m sure you would have.” Arthur relented, smirking teasingly. “It was a bit of a surprise when all our enemies suddenly exploded before us.”

“I bet it was.” Merlin grinned proudly. “Anyway, Morgana came into the room next and when she saw Morgause unconscious, she lost control of her magic and made the roof crumble around us, so we fled. Later, Gaius told me that they had searched the remains, but couldn’t find either of them.”

“She probably used magic to flee, like Morgause did that time when Morgana was dying.” Arthur mused.

“Maybe.” Merlin agreed, grimacing as he was reminded of why, exactly, Morgana had been dying.

              He shook his head, trying to get rid of the memories. Dwelling on it again wouldn’t serve anything and Arthur had already forgiven him for it. He had to forgive himself too.

“What did you do with the sword, then?” Arthur asked suddenly.

“I think that’s a story for another time.” Merlin grinned. “Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.”

              Without waiting for an answer, Merlin bolted from the couch and pushed Arthur to the ground with a little help from his magic before running to their room, laughing to himself.

“MERLIN!” Arthur shouted a few seconds later, and Merlin listened wickedly as he struggled to get up, his feet then pounding on the floor as he ran after him.

Chapter Text

“I have died every day waiting for you…”

               Arthur smiled as he was about to enter his and Merlin’s bedroom, hearing the soft singing coming through the door. He had just finished cleaning the dishes after telling Merlin to go and make himself comfortable in their bed, as he had been up all day since the crack of dawn, trying to find a way for them to get married while Arthur didn’t really exist in any of nowadays’ paperwork.

               Arthur knew Merlin was excited at the prospect of getting married, gods, he was pretty impatient as well. But he also understood how stressful these things could get and he felt a bit useless for this specific problem. He couldn’t do anything about it and didn’t understand most of what it entailed.

               So, he had wanted to do something nice for Merlin and had cooked them a simple meal he had managed to learn how to do without burning anything and had taken care of the dishes as well while Merlin unwound a bit. He deserved it, after all that administrative stress as well as all these stories he kept telling him that brought back many tough and unwanted memories.

“Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years…” He heard Merlin continue singing.

               He could feel the smile grow on his face as he imagined what he would see after completely opening the door. Merlin would probably be sitting on the bed, eyes closed, arms crossed under his head, headphones in his ears and singing over whatever he was listening to, not too loud but still enough to be heard through the door cracked open. He probably wouldn’t even realise that Arthur had entered and he could look his fill, admiring that beautiful man all loose and happy, listening to modern music.

               Arthur finally opened the door completely, trying not to make too much noise and leant his side against the wooden frame, watching Merlin, his smile widening as he was exactly in the position he had just imagined him to be. The only thing that saddened him was that he couldn’t fully understand what he was singing, as he was still trying to learn modern English. But he loved listening to Merlin’s soft and deep voice as he hummed.

               He didn’t know how long he stayed like that, just looking and listening, though he could have stayed like that for all of eternity. Merlin, of course, decided differently because he opened his eyes and saw him, his cheeks flushing beautifully as he stopped singing and took his headphones out with a soft smile still gracing his lips.

“Like what you see?” He teased, obviously trying to deflect his embarrassment with humour.

“I love it,” Arthur answered back, enjoying the bright red colouring the warlock’s pale cheeks. “I love hearing you sing too, you should do it more often.”

“Sap,” Merlin mumbled. “Just come to bed you big prat. If I don’t start tonight’s story, we’ll never be able to sleep.”

               Not bothering himself with a response, Arthur simply joined Merlin in bed, the smile still plastered to his face. He got comfortable under the covers, taking hold of Merlin’s left hand and playing idly with the ring on his finger. Merlin smiled shyly back and snuggled against his side.

“Ready?” Merlin asked once he had made himself comfortable.

“Ready when you are.” Arthur nodded, not letting go of his hand.

“Alright… That day had started horribly to begin with.” Merlin explained. “I was running late to bring you your clean white shirt for the feast that night and your big Samhain speech. Obviously, I couldn’t be lucky because I bumped into another servant who spilled wine onto it. I crossed paths with Lancelot and complained to him about it. He kindly reminded me that I was, in fact, a sorcerer and could use magic to clean the stain, which I did.”

“Did you really just forget you could do that?” Arthur asked, chuckling. “Wait, scratch that, did you use magic in the middle of a corridor full of people?!”

“Everyone was so stressed out and trying to prepare everything for the night, nobody had time to pay attention to me.” Merlin waved his concerns away with his hand. “And yes, spending most of my time trying to hide my magic and not use it accidently on mundain tasks tended to make me forget that I could do it. Anyway, that night during your big speech, I felt the tear between the spirit world and ours. Everything just seemed to slow down, the noises around me became muffled and I saw this old woman appear in the middle of the room, calling me Emrys.”

“And then you fainted.” Arthur recalled.

               He remembered that night vividly. He had been getting through his speech, nervous to be taking his father’s place. And then, Merlin had just crumbled to the ground, too reminiscent of the time he had drunk poison in his place and he hadn’t known how to react. He had been terrified, not understanding what had happened, but he couldn’t just stop and run to his manservant, couldn’t show his fear in front of all the court with his new position as regent.

“Yes, I fainted.” Merlin blushed. “And I saw the way you were looking at me, as if you were disappointed that I had stolen your spotlight or something.”

“Oh, sorry…” Arthur grimaced. “I was just scared for you, but couldn’t do anything about it. I was trying to stay neutral, but I guess it came out weird on my face.”

“It’s okay.” Merlin smiled teasingly, squeezing his hand. “I know you are socially incompetent.”

               For that remark, Arthur hit him behind the head, earning himself a laugh and another squeeze of his hand from Merlin. The sly little thing. He would get his revenge one day.

“When I woke up,” Merlin continued. “I told Gaius what had happened and asked him who she was. He explained that she was the Cailleach, the gatekeeper of the spirit realm, and that it couldn’t be a coincidence that it had happened on the night of Samhain.”

“Nothing ever really was a coincidence, was it?” Arthur grumbled.

“Unfortunately, no.” Merlin sighed. “As you probably remember, you received reports of strange beings attacking nearby villages and we went there to investigate. That night, I was outside and I heard a weird noise. I used my magic to create a light but it got extinguished and that’s when the Dorocha attacked me. My magic didn’t work but fortunately, Lancelot saved me with fire. Once I was back inside, I told Gaius about it and how I had felt cold and helpless as it came near me.”

“That’s why you were so scared of them.” Arthur understood. “Your magic was useless against them and that was the only thing you ever knew to use when dealing with magical threats.”

“Exactly.” Merlin nodded. “And I felt responsible to protect the kingdom but without magic… Gaius tried to reassure me that it wasn’t my fault but I couldn’t help feeling like it was.”

               Arthur’s heart clenched at hearing how Merlin’s voice had gotten smaller while he was remembering that time. It was supposed to be his responsibility to protect Camelot. But Merlin had been forced to take it up as well, with the prophecies and destiny that had been thrown in his face without any help nor explanation.

“He was right, you know.” Arthur felt the need to say. “It wasn’t your fault and it shouldn’t have been your sole responsibility to deal with it.”

“Thanks.” Merlin smiled softly. “After that, we left for the Isle of the Blessed to close the veil. I used my magic to light the fire when we stopped for the night. It helped me feel a bit more useful.”

“And then…” Arthur remembered, his finger searching Merlin’s wrist instinctively, feeling his steady pulse beneath it. “You stupidly stepped in front of me and got hit by a Dorocha.”

               He could still see it so clearly in his mind. Merlin colliding with the spirit, falling to the ground, looking frozen. At the time, he hadn’t taken any time to question why Merlin hadn’t died on the spot like all the other persons who had been hit by them. He could see that Merlin’s powers and immortality had probably protected him enough for him to get better.

“How did you survive?” Arthur asked. “I mean, I know your powers probably prevented you from just dying immediately like the others and now we know you’re immortal so… Was it like that theory you told me about when you got poisoned? Did you die and just come back to life?”

“Not that time, no.” Merlin smiled. “As Lancelot was trying to get me back to Camelot through the Valley of the Fallen Kings, we stopped near a stream for the night and encountered the Vilia, the spirit of the streams. They protected us from the Dorocha through the night and they healed me.”

“Well, you really are a lucky sod.” Arthur chuckled, calming down a bit from the anxiety the memory had induced. “And then, instead of going back to Camelot with Lancelot, you decided to follow us.”

“Of course.” Merlin grinned. “I couldn’t let you go alone now, could I? We found an empty house to stay the night and my magic helped us get a fire going. We couldn’t sleep so we talked about Gwen. Lancelot thought you were a better man than him and that he was glad because he loved her and she was happy with you.”

“He was always too damn honourable…” Arthur smiled sadly.

“That’s actually funny for you to say that.” Merlin chuckled. “We got attacked by Dorochas and had to flee the house. I called Kilgharrah for help and Lancelot met him. He called him ‘the bravest and most noble of them all’.”

“Of course he did.” Arthur rolled his eyes. “And he was almost right.”

               Merlin looked at him in disbelief at that affirmation and it made Arthur smile at how much he really didn’t have any idea of how other people saw him.

“He really was the most noble of us all.” Arthur explained. “But the title of bravest should befall you, without any doubt.”

               His smile widened when he saw Merlin blush once more. His smile was quickly wiped out when Merlin cupped the back of his neck and kissed him, mumbling a ‘shut up’ against his lips. Arthur couldn’t really do anything but comply.

               They kept the kiss sweet and chaste, both wanting more but needing to get to the end of the story. Arthur reluctantly broke the kiss and pecked Merlin’s nose for good measures, enjoying his bright smile.

“Where was I? Oh yes, Kilgharrah.” Merlin chuckled. “Well, I told the dragon what you were planning to do and that I had to take your place. After that, we talked about it with Lancelot too. He was wondering if he would knowingly give up his life for something. I told him that you needed to have a reason, something that mattered more than anything.”

               Even though he already knew Merlin’s loyalty was stronger than anyone’s he had ever known, it still amazed Arthur how he seemed to say these things like they were completely natural. That it was the only way things could be, that Arthur’s life mattered that much and it wasn’t even a question. It also terrified him that even if there weren’t any apparent threats anymore, how far Merlin had been willing to go for him. But he knew that he felt exactly the same and that he would have. They really were a pair of idiots for not having realised earlier how they truly felt about each other.

“And then you came back, just like that.” Arthur said. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how you were doing and when Lancelot showed up, I thought the worst had happened. But you were alive and well and…”

               Arthur flushed, remembering what had happened that night, as he was certain he would be dead by the next day, what he had done, how close he had come to confess his feelings even if he didn’t completely understand them at the time. Merlin smiled knowingly at him, as if he was remembering the same thing, but he didn’t make any mention of it and Arthur didn’t dare bring it up, listening to the rest of the story as a way to distract himself.

“Once we reached the Isle, I had to use my Dragonlord powers against the wyverns who attacked us.” Merlin continued. “We were finally in front of the veil and before you could go through it, I knocked you out and went to the Cailleach, telling her that I would give my life in your place. She said that my time had not come even if I wanted to. I didn’t understand what she was saying at first and then I saw Lancelot go through the veil and… well… you know the rest…”

               Merlin’s eyes looked moist, his hand was trembling a bit in Arthur’s, who was feeling a heavy sadness inside of his heart at the memory of Lancelot’s sacrifice. He remembered Gwen’s tears at his funerals, the grief they had all felt for losing such a precious knight and friend. No number of years and centuries would completely erase the hurt of his loss. And as he really thought about it, he realised something else Merlin had lost.

“He was the only other person apart from Gaius who knew about your magic,” Arthur whispered, his heart squeezing painfully. “He was the only friend you could confide in, and he was gone…”

               Merlin didn’t say anything, but his eyes finally filled with tears and he cuddled himself in Arthur’s arms, muffling his sobs against his neck. Arthur tightened his arms around him, a hand snaking into the mass of black hair, trying to soothe him as much as he could. For a moment they didn’t say anything, didn’t move, the only sound in the room being Merlin’s crying and sniffles as the tears started to abate. Even then, Arthur didn’t dare let go, wanting to give Merlin all the time he needed to share this burden. Slowly, the man extracted himself from Arthur’s hold, smiling sadly up at him, eyes red and cheeks wet from his tears but looking better all the same.

“Thanks.” Merlin murmured, pecking his lips gently. “There’s one last piece to the story I need to tell you.”

“Okay, take your time.” Arthur smiled reassuringly.

               They rearranged themselves more comfortably, Merlin laying on top of Arthur, head tucked in his neck and arms wrapped around his waist.

“When we got back to Camelot, I was in my room in Gaius’ chambers and Agravaine came by.” Merlin explained. Arthur tensed beneath him.

               The memory of his uncle’s betrayal was still fresh in his mind. Even after all this time, it still hurt a lot.

“He asked Gaius if he knew about anyone called Emrys.” Merlin continued. “Obviously, Gaius denied his knowledge, but when he finally left we talked and realised that Morgana probably had the visit from the Cailleach as well, hence how she learned of the name. That’s how we knew Agravaine had to be working with her, it was the only explanation for him knowing about that name only the Druids used.”

               Arthur breathed in deeply, hands clenching on Merlin’s nightshirt. Agravaine had been working against him since the beginning. He had known it after discovering his betrayal. He refrained himself from asking Merlin why he hadn’t said anything earlier, because he had tried to warn him about Agravaine multiple times and Arthur hadn’t listened, hadn’t wanted to.

               Suddenly, Merlin was squirming against him, trying to get out of Arthur’s grip. Not really understanding what was happening, Arthur let him go, looking curiously as Merlin got off the bed and went to search through a drawer. He made a triumphant sound, holding something in his hand that Arthur couldn’t make out, and came back to the bed, sitting next to Arthur with his hands behind his back.

“What are you hiding?” Arthur asked suspiciously.

“Remember the night I came back?” Merlin asked back, smiling brightly. “You gave me something.”

               As he was speaking, he brought his hands back in front of him, holding a small round object inside them and Arthur recognised it immediately. It was his mother’s sigil. The same sigil he had given Merlin that night when he was sure he would be dead the next day. He felt himself blush brightly, his eyes becoming moist as he took the precious item delicately in his hands.

“At that time, I didn’t fully understand what it meant.” Merlin explained, looking shy all of a sudden. “I only found out a couple centuries after you died, reading a book on the subject. But you did, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Arthur replied, voice rough with emotions. “I don’t think I had realised my feelings for you back then, not completely. But I knew you were important to me. I was sure I was about to die the next day and… I wanted to let you know how much I cared without saying it out loud, I think. I was also counting on the fact that you probably didn’t know the full meaning of it apart from the fact that it belonged to my mother and was therefore very important to me. I also wanted to give you some kind of protection, if I wasn’t there anymore to get you out of trouble.”

               He tried to smile in a teasing way, but the tears gathering in his eyes and the soft look Merlin was giving him told him all about how that had failed. He didn’t truly care however, because he would give everything to every deity in existence to have Merlin looking at him that way for the rest of their life.

Chapter Text

               Merlin was playing idly with the sigil he was holding in his hands, a small, loving smile fixed on his face. The night before, he had tried giving it back to Arthur, saying that he didn’t need it anymore and that he should keep it as his mother’s last possession. But Arthur had categorically refused, arguing that he had offered it to Merlin for a reason, that he still felt the same way that he had at that time and that he trusted him to keep it safe.

               Obviously, Merlin hadn’t had anything more to say to that and had just kissed him again, and again, and again, until they got so tangled in each other that no one would have been able to tell where one began and the other ended. He blushed furiously at the memory, biting his lower lip to try and stop the huge smile threatening to break free. He didn’t need Arthur to see him like that, guess what he was thinking about and for his head to get twice as big. He could imagine his smug look and the proud glint in his eyes with perfect clarity, he didn’t need to see it in real life as well.

               Unfortunately for him, Arthur chose that exact moment to come out from the bathroom, his hair still damp from the shower he’d taken, and looked right at him, his face taking on the exact expression Merlin had just imagined. Really, that man must have a sixth sense for knowing when Merlin was thinking about him.

“What’s got you smiling like that?” Arthur asked, his voice teasing.

“The fact you’re a dollophead and I don’t know what I’m doing with you.” Merlin answered, smiling brightly.

“You’re mean.” Arthur pouted, crawling in the bed beside Merlin. “Is that a way to talk about your fiancé that you love dearly?”

“Fiancé, yes, but what makes you think that I love you dearly?” Merlin questioned, trying to keep his expression innocent.

               Without saying anything, Arthur straddled Merlin’s hips, hovering over him with a knowing glint in his eyes. He took hold of Merlin’s hands and pinned them to the mattress on each side of Merlin’s head, the sigil resting between their palms. His face came closer to Merlin’s, his lips staying just inches away from their counterparts. Merlin was starting to feel hot all over, unable to take his eyes away from Arthur’s very blue and very dark ones, mesmerised by his beauty as the last rays of the setting sun illuminated his hair, creating a halo around his head and making it look like he was once again wearing his golden crown.

“I can see it in your eyes.” Arthur murmured, his lips brushing teasingly against Merlin’s. “I see the way you look at me. Come on, admit it. You love me dearly.”

               Merlin shivered, his brain trying to keep up with every sensation. Arthur’s strong and heavy body against his, calloused fingers around his, the cold metal of the sigil against his searing skin, Arthur’s lips brushing his with every word and his deep voice in his ears. He was completely at Arthur’s mercy and he wouldn’t have it any other way. His entire being had always belonged to his king and it hadn’t changed, even after centuries apart.

“I love you more than I’ve ever and could ever love anyone.” Merlin said, voice steady and without any hint of teasing.

               He felt Arthur shiver above him, his eyes growing wide as if he hadn’t been expecting this answer and Merlin smiled, happy to notice that he was as capable to rob Arthur from every thought as his king was. Arthur didn’t say anything, simply gave them both what they were craving and closed the gap between their lips in a passionate, yet still soft and sweet, kiss.

               They stayed like that for a few moments, simply enjoying the feeling of being with each other, still revelling in how amazing it was that they could be like that. They didn’t have to hide anything anymore. Eventually, they had to part to catch their breath, smiling softly at each other and without any word needed, simply rearranging themselves side-by-side on the bed in order to start their nightly ritual, the sigil still held firmly between their hands.

“Do you want to hear your story now?” Merlin asked after making himself comfortable.

“Yes, please!” Arthur replied, smiling brightly.

“Okay, okay.” Merlin chuckled at his enthusiasm. “I don’t think it will be a very long story, since you were there for most of what happened, but we’ll see. I have to warn you, though. It will probably hurt a lot. Are you feeling up to it?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” Arthur smiled reassuringly but there was a tinge of sadness in his eyes. “I have a feeling I know what it’s about.”

“Okay, so… it’s about the day your father was fatally injured by Odin’s assassin.” Merlin said in a rush, looking up at Arthur to try and gauge his reaction.

               Merlin could see Arthur’s eyes clouding slightly, probably still remembering all the events of that night clearly. But he didn’t lose his smile, even though it turned a bit sadder and Merlin felt reassured that Arthur had indeed been prepared for this story. He squeezed his hand, the sigil digging in both their palms, trying to convey as much reassurance as he could before continuing.

“You wanted to use magic to save his life, and I only knew one sorcerer strong enough to do it.” Merlin explained, a smile blooming on his face when he saw Arthur’s eyes widen.

“That old sorcerer… it was the same one that saved Gwen when Morgana tried to frame her for using a love spell on me, and it was you! You used your ageing spell again!” Arthur said, arranging all the pieces he had together.

“Yep.” Merlin replied, looking proud of himself. “I knew how to get back to normal thanks to Gaius, it was the only way I could heal your father without you or anyone else knowing about it. That it was me, at least.”

“But… I don’t understand…” Arthur said, looking a bit lost. “First of all, I still don’t get why you tried to save him so many times but then… you didn’t…”

               Merlin looked down, smiling sadly at their entwined hands still holding the sigil. He had known this revelation would raise some questions. He was a bit surprised Arthur hadn’t made the connection before when he had told him about his disguise a few nights before but he didn’t press the matter right then.

“You loved your father, he meant a lot to you,” Merlin explained, “and that was enough for me. As everything else I did back then, I wanted to try for you. As for what happened… let me finish the story, will you?”

“Yeah, okay.” Arthur nodded.

“So, I spent a lot of time reading and researching how to heal Uther, preparing everything I needed. Of course, nothing ever went as I wanted it to and you came searching for me in Gaius’ chambers. I couldn’t let you see me or you would have been asking questions I didn’t have any answers to. And Gaius, obviously, didn’t think of any other excuse than to say I was in the tavern.”

“Oh yeah, I really did think you were spending an awful lot of time in the tavern back then.” Arthur chuckled a bit.

“Gaius really could have found some other excuse, I swear.” Merlin sighed, sparing a fond thought for his old mentor. “Then, we left to find the sorcerer.”

“That was actually you. That explains why you and that old man were acting so weird.” Arthur smiled. “You really took advantage of your disguise when you asked me to carry you around and insulted me.”

Merlin chuckled.  “You were a prat, it was good for your character.”

“Alright, maybe I was.” Arthur agreed. “So, you used magic to try to save my father… but it didn’t work? Was it because you’re so rubbish at healing spells?”

               Arthur had obviously tried to make it sound like a joke, but the sadness transpired in his voice and his smile looked more like a grimace. Merlin felt his heart constrict in his chest at the pain in his eyes. He lowered his gaze, looking down at their entwined hands and the sigil peeking from in between their fingers.

“I didn’t understand what had happened at that moment,” Merlin explained. “I was so sure that the spell had been successful. Later, Gaius showed me the charm he had found around Uther’s neck. It was imbued with dark magic. He said that it had reversed the effect of the spell I had used. We didn’t have any chance to save him.”

“Agravaine…” Arthur whispered. “I told him I was planning to use magic to save my father… He must have told Morgana who then created the charm…”

“Yes.” Merlin nodded, still not looking at Arthur. “Agravaine was able to put the charm around Uther’s neck and it was over…”

“And I blamed you… I blamed magic all over again… just like my father did…” Arthur continued.

               Merlin lifted his head at that, looking straight into Arthur’s eyes, cupping his face between his hands and trying to convey as much honesty as possible. 

“Listen to me Arthur. What happened was not your fault.” Merlin said. “You had been told your whole life that magic was evil and then the only times you ever saw it used was to hurt you or your people. And even if I did try to save Uther, it was still magic that did kill him in the end, it was Morgana’s. So, you weren’t completely wrong.”

“Still…” Arthur tried to speak, but Merlin didn’t let him.

“No, Arthur, let me finish. You were and are nothing like your father. After his death, you stopped executing people for their magic, you even saved a woman from the pyre once. Unlike Uther, you didn’t take your grief and anger out on every magical person in Albion. You didn’t repeal the ban but you didn’t use it that much either. And that is what made you a much better king than he could ever have been. Okay?”

               Arthur was looking at him with an awed look in his eyes, as if he didn’t believe what was happening. Merlin tried to smile at him, silently begging him to understand what he was saying, how much he trusted him. He needed Arthur to see himself as Merlin did. Finally, Arthur gave him a small smile and a peck on the lips.

“How do you always know exactly what I need to hear to make me feel better?” Arthur asked.

“It’s one of my many talents.” Merlin grinned.

“Thank you.” Arthur murmured, pressing their foreheads together, eyes closed.

“Anytime.”  Merlin answered, enjoying the softness of the moment.

Chapter Text

               The night before had been hard on Arthur. Having to remember his father’s death still hurt a lot, but discovering that he had inadvertently played a big part in it by trusting the wrong people was even worse. And realising that he had made the same mistake as Uther, blaming magic for his loss, when Uther had been wounded by a normal man in the first place? He felt ashamed of himself.

               Merlin had done his best to reassure him. It had worked, at least in a way. He tried to hold on to what his love had said, how he hadn’t turned into a tyrant like his father, executing everyone and anyone with the smallest suspicion that they were practising sorcery. He reminded himself, as Merlin had, that he hadn’t executed sorcerers for this sole reason during his reign, always giving them a fair trial and making sure they were guilty of hurting people.

               Those reminders somehow helped ease the guilt and shame he was feeling inside, but did not erase them completely. And it was another clear sign that he was different from his father, who had never been able to think about his actions and questioned whether what he was doing was right or wrong. Feeling guilty for past mistakes and faults was a healthy reaction, Arthur reminded himself, as long as he didn’t let it stop him from moving forward and making amends. He hadd been able to do this in some ways before, and continued to do so by listening to Merlin’s stories to understand their shared past and destiny.

               It still felt strange and alien, taking some time to think about what he was feeling to try and decipher his emotions to turn them into something healthy and not destructive. Merlin helped him a lot with that, with his words and unwavering support. It was hard to learn to sit with his feelings, without trying to just push them away and forget about them. But he knew it was worth it, in the end. It made him a better person, for the one he loved and for himself. He felt much more at peace within; less stress and anxiety. Although, not having any threats to his life or kingdom everyday anymore did help for that as well.

               Arthur was violently brought back to the present time when something landed heavily on him, knocking the air out of his lungs and pinning him to the mattress. The mess of dark curls tickling his face and the warm puffs of air hitting the skin of his neck informed him quickly of exactly what, or more precisely who, had just crushed him.

“Merlin, my darling, I love you with all my heart but you are kneeing me in the guts and it’s quite painful.” Arthur managed to say with his airways being constricted by the weight on him.

               Groaning what sounded like an apology and an insult, Merlin rolled off of Arthur and on the bed. With the pressure finally leaving, Arthur was able to breathe more easily. He turned towards Merlin and pecked the tip of his nose to stop the pout that was forming on his lips, changing it into a bright smile.

“Thank you,” Arthur said, smiling softly.

“When did you stop being a rude and entitled clotpole?” Merlin asked teasingly.

“Shut up!” Arthur retorted indignantly. “Here I am, trying to be nice, and what do I get in exchange? Love really isn’t what it used to be, I really don’t get what all the fuss is. Clearly marriage isn’t that great if I get insulted for being sweet.”

               Merlin’s tinkling laugh made it hard to keep a straight face as Arthur did his best to stay in character. But he couldn’t restrain the soppy smile forming on his lips when Merlin pressed a sweet kiss to his forehead, murmuring an apology between chuckles.

“If you’re done insulting me, maybe you could start telling your story?” Arthur mumbled as Merlin pecked his lips.

“Alright, you big child.” Merlin smiled, kissing him one last time before readjusting their position to get comfortable. “I think you’re going to like this one. It’s a story about dragons.”

“Dragons? Plural?” Arthur asked anxiously.

               Even though he knew that the Great Dragon had not been too bad, he still remembered how scared he had felt while facing the beast and how it had almost destroyed Camelot. He also remembered that Morgana had gotten help from a dragon as well. Thinking about it, he had been sure that the Great Dragon was supposed to be the last of his kind. It brought forward a long lost memory, which he had never revisited during his previous life even though he obviously should have.

“Merlin…” Arthur said, looking straight into the last Dragonlord’s eyes. “Does this story, by any chance, have anything to do with a dragon egg that was supposedly destroyed, and how Morgana then mysteriously got herself a pet dragon?”

               Merlin looked at least a bit sheepish, trying to avoid Arthur’s eyes. It was the only confirmation he needed to know he was right.

“Just… please let me tell my story before getting angry with me?” Merlin asked, wincing a bit.

“I’m not angry with you, Merlin,” Arthur reassured, his expression softening when he saw that Merlin was starting to feel bad, “and I want to hear your story.”

“Thanks.” Merlin said, giving him a small smile, the excited glint coming back in his eyes. “It began one night, as I was sleeping in my room. I was woken up by someone knocking at the door of Gaius’ chambers. It was Borden, he was Gaius’ pupil before and had come to ask for his help. He’d found the first two parts of the Triskelion of Ashkanar, the key to open Ashkanar’s tomb, where there was supposedly a dragon egg. He knew that the last piece was in Camelot’s vaults and he wanted Gaius to help him get it, to find the egg, but Gaius refused and asked him to leave.”

“I guess you couldn’t just leave it at that, could you?” Arthur asked with a knowing smile, already aware of the answer.

“I’m a Dragonlord, the last Dragonlord,” Merlin answered. “I had to do something. I called Kilgharrah to tell him about it and he begged me to go and rescue the egg, because it was the last of his kind. It was my duty to retrieve it.”

               Arthur understood, he really did. Despite what it had led to next, he knew that Merlin had believed wholeheartedly that he was doing the right thing. And he had been, in a way. It was such a Merlin thing to do, opting on a quest to rescue a lost dragon egg because he needed to save his kind, that Arthur fell even more in love with him.

“I get it,” Arthur said aloud. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t try to help and save every single living innocent creature that crossed your path.”

“Quit teasing me, prat.” Merlin grumbled, still smiling. “Anyway, I found Borden to tell him I wanted to help, that I knew how to get the keys to the vaults because I was your personal manservant.”

               That made Arthur’s eyes widen. He knew Merlin had always been a bit naïve, a bit too trusting with people, but giving someone the keys to Camelot’s vault without knowing him… That was a bit much.

“What if he had tried to steal something else?!” Arthur asked, feeling outraged. “You knew there were a lot of precious and dangerous artefacts down there! And… Oh gods, you were the one who made me lose my pants in front of the council to steal my keys, didn’t you?”

“I know, I’m sorry!” Merlin said, looking contrite. “And yes, that was me. But I thought I could handle it, he didn’t seem to want anything else, he couldn’t have known I would help him get in the vaults when he came to Camelot and with my magic, I could stop him if he tried anything funny! I went with him to the vaults, to ensure no one would see him and also to keep an eye on what he would take! And… and then, he got out, asked me if I was a good liar and knocked me out.”

               Arthur smacked his hand on his forehead, groaning, then hid his face in Merlin’s neck. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to cry or laugh at this poor man who should have definitely been less trusting with some stranger after everything they had been through. In the end, the urge to laugh won and it burst out of him as he held onto Merlin’s body to keep him from moving away.

“You really are the worst thief ever,” Arthur said in between laughs.

               He detangled himself from Merlin, just enough to be able to see his face. Merlin was scowling, his cheeks flaming red, clearly embarrassed by his past mistake but much too proud to admit to it. The expression made Arthur laugh even more and soon enough, Merlin couldn’t keep his face straight and joined him, both of them laughing and holding on to each other. It sounded so silly when thinking about it years after it had all happened, when the danger had passed and they were both safe again.

               It took them a few minutes to calm down – as they would start laughing again every time they tried to look at each other’s face – but in the end, they finally did.

“I guess Gaius gave you a lecture too at the time, didn’t he?” Arthur asked.

“You bet he did,” Merlin grumbled. “He was so mad at me after Uther asked you to go and destroy the egg, saying that I shouldn’t trust Borden, that he wasn’t looking for the egg from the goodness of his heart and that I should have let things be, because the egg could have survived another 400 years undisturbed.”

“Well, he wasn’t completely wrong I guess.” Arthur tried to sooth Merlin by stroking his hair. “But you are very stubborn when you want something, so I guess it was inevitable.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Merlin sighed, pushing his head against Arthur’s hand like an overgrown cat. “So, we went after Borden and as we were on our way, I heard a Druid call for me in my mind. I went to find them and they explained that Borden had stolen the Triskelion from them. They also warned me that it wasn’t just a key, but also a trap.”

“The tower crumbling, right?” Arthur guessed.

“Yes, but I didn’t know it at the time.” Merlin smiled, the way he always did when Arthur was able to understand what had happened before he had to explain it. “Borden put some mushrooms in the food I had cooked, which made you and the knights get sick. I guess I should thank you for not letting me eat anything that day.”

               That made Arthur feel a bit guilty as well. He smiled sheepishly at Merlin. He remembered how the knights had sometimes played this game to annoy Merlin and how he had also joined in. It had been fun because they had known Merlin wouldn’t be angry with them and that it had all been in good fun but it had still been a bit mean and they probably shouldn’t have prevented him from eating, seeing as he was already thin as a twig. He pressed a kiss to Merlin’s hand in a silent apology and was rewarded with a soft smile. Everything was forgiven.

“At first, I thought you were only sleeping,” Merlin explained. “But then I saw the mushrooms in the pot and I realised you were all breathing laboriously and I understood. I healed you all with my magic, but you didn’t wake, so I went after Borden. I was able to find the tomb and the egg, but he was there too, of course. I confronted him, told him not to touch the egg. He was laughing at me, saying that I couldn’t stop him, after all I was just a servant.”

               Arthur smiled at that, imagining exactly how they would have looked: Borden with a disdainful sneer on his face and Merlin, looking calm and composed, all of his power swirling inside of him and itching to get out and wipe it from his arrogant face. It must have been a view to behold.

“I told him that I was the last Dragonlord but he still tried to get the egg, so I knocked him out with my magic.” Merlin continued. “I got the egg and got out of the tower before it crumbled, getting back to our camp to hide it in my bag before you woke up and saw it. When we got back to Camelot, I showed the egg to Gaius and then, I brought it to Kilgharrah.”

“He must have been happy.” Arthur smiled. “He wasn’t the last of his kind anymore.”

“He was!” Merlin nodded. “And I as well. He explained to me that only a Dragonlord could hatch the egg and to do that, I needed to give the dragon a name. I don’t really know how I did it, the name just came to me and it worked.”

“What did you call it then?” Arthur asked, feeling curious.

“Aithusa. It means ‘Light of the Sun’ in the Dragon Tongue.” Merlin explained, smiling brightly. “And it was fitting, Aithusa was a white dragon.”

“Aithusa… yeah, that sounds nice.” Arthur smiled too.

“Kilgharrah told me that no dragon’s birth was without meaning and that white dragons are very rare.” Merlin added. “He thought that it boded well for Albion and our destiny.”

               After saying that, Merlin’s eyes lost a bit of his previous excitement, clouded once again by grief and loss. Arthur didn’t ask but he understood easily what had put him in this sour mood. Aithusa had been a light of hope for him at the time, a sign that he would accomplish his destiny, that Albion would come and magic be restored. And even though it had happened in the end, thanks to Arthur’s treaties and Gwen’s lift of the ban, Merlin still felt as though he had failed, because he hadn’t been able to save his life.

               Aithusa had joined Morgana, which Arthur didn’t really understand because she wasn’t a Dragonlord. But they must have had a bond. Merlin had been the one to hatch the egg, so he must have felt responsible for the baby dragon in some way. He remembered the story he had heard from one of his potential allies, who had captured Morgana and kept her prisoner in a pit with her dragon, who had grown too big for the pit at some point, which had crippled her. It made him sad to think about such a beautiful creature, a baby, locked up between walls and unable to escape. He couldn’t even imagine the pain Merlin must have felt and was probably reliving at the moment. He was sure that this was another thing he viewed as a failure on his part and it broke Arthur’s heart.

               He didn’t really know what he could say to try and comfort the man he loved and he had learned that, sometimes, words weren’t what someone needed. Gently, trying not to startle him, Arthur took Merlin in his arms and hugged him tight, one hand stroking his back, the other in his hair, tangling their legs together and letting him hide his face in his neck. He didn’t say anything, simply held him through his grief, pressing soft kisses on his head and making sweet soothing noises when he started to feel Merlin tremble in his arms and a wetness on his skin.

He didn’t ask Merlin if he was okay, didn’t try to stop his tears, simply let him get his emotions out and try to make him feel safe in doing so. An unwavering support, no judgement, no shame, only love and understanding. That night was sad and filled with grief that Merlin hadn’t been able to really process. It was okay, it was fine, to let him be sad and not try to make him happy again right away. Merlin needed the right to feel his emotions, just like he had taught Arthur to do.

Chapter Text

               Merlin had been getting through the day like he was surrounded by a dense fog, everything was muffled and looked dull. He had an empty feeling in his chest that hadn’t been there in a while since Arthur had come back from Avalon. He hadn’t uttered a single word since waking up that morning, his throat feeling clogged like his voice had vanished.

               Arthur had been extremely patient with him, never forcing anything, giving him space when he needed and wrapping him in a warm hug when he looked about to have a meltdown. He had made him tea and hot food, asking simple questions that could be answered only with a nod or a shake of his head. All this coddling made him feel both better and worse. Better, because Arthur doing his best to help Merlin was very endearing, but worse, since he didn’t feel like he deserved it.

               He knew he had to work on that, but after all this time, it was hard. He hadn’t thought that telling Aithusa’s story would make him feel that way. It was supposed to be a joyful story of him managing to rescue a dragon’s egg and hatching it, but instead it only reminded him of how he had failed his destiny and hadn’t been able to save Arthur’s life. In the end, Albion’s age had come, thanks to both Arthur’s diplomacy and Gwen’s revoking the ban on magic, but the sentiment of failure never really went away.

               It also reminded him of how he had failed in his duties as Dragonlord, how he hadn’t protected Aithusa as he should have. The poor baby had never been able to speak and had been crippled from a young age. And Merlin hadn’t been there to protect the baby he had brought to the world himself. He felt as though he should have done so much more to protect Aithusa.

               He knew that dwelling on the past wouldn’t change anything, it was too late to fix his mistakes. And with all the dragons gone from the world, he would never be able to make amends. He had tried to find Aithusa after Morgana’s death, but it was like the white dragon was eluding him and he didn’t want to abuse his powers and impose his will on Aithusa, the way he had once with Kilgharrah. It had broken his heart but maybe it had been better that way. He would never know for certain and that was the hardest thing to overcome.

               As he went to get ready for bed, still lost in his memories, he felt a warm hand take hold of his own and he lifted his head up to look at Arthur, who was smiling shyly at him.

“I prepared you a hot bath. I thought you might like to relax a bit before bed?” Arthur said, his voice hesitant.

               Merlin’s heart melted a bit for this sweet and ridiculous man and managed to muster a small smile and a nod. Arthur’s answering smile was bright and it warmed Merlin’s inside immediately. He let himself be led to the bathroom and enjoyed the feeling of Arthur shedding his clothes delicately. It was a nice change from their previous life, when Merlin had been the one to do that every day.

               Once he was completely naked, Arthur pressed a soft kiss on his forehead and headed to the door to give him some privacy. But Merlin suddenly craved some presence and tenderness. He caught Arthur’s hand, bringing him closer so that he could help and get his clothes off too. Arthur seemed to understand what he wanted because he just smiled and let Merlin work on getting him naked. When they were both ready, Merlin guided them towards the bathtub full of hot water.

               They sat comfortably in the water, Arthur’s back against the cool tiles of the tub and Merlin sitting between his legs, his back resting against Arthur’s strong chest. Merlin closed his eyes, letting the heat relax his tensed muscle, feeling Arthur’s hands caress his body chastely, soothing him some more. The imaginary fog that had been clinging to him finally melted away the more he let himself unwind in the water and Arthur’s arms. The empty feeling in his chest was slowly transforming into a soft warmth and his throat loosened up a bit as well.

“Thank you,” He murmured, sighing in contentment.

“It’s my pleasure,” Arthur whispered back, lips trailing softly against his shoulder.

               They stayed like that for a few minutes, simply enjoying the warmth of the water and each other’s presence. Then, Arthur began slowly washing him with a soapy cloth, washing his hair, massaging his head, running the cloth on every part of his body, taking his time to wash all of it reverently. It made Merlin feel so precious and cared for. It was like all of his troubles were melting away, leaving his body with each stroke, the soap cleaning him outside as well as inside.

               When Arthur was done, he rinsed Merlin with the same care with which he had washed him. Merlin then took hold of the cloth and started washing Arthur as well, the same way he had always done in Camelot but with a new level of intimacy granted by their changing relationship.

               Once they were both clean and rinsed, they got back to their previous position to continue enjoying the moment, neither of them willing to get out right away.

“Can I tell you my story here?” Merlin finally asked, his voice a bit rough from not having used it all day.

               He felt Arthur melt against him, probably reassured that Merlin was finally feeling better and had found his voice again.

“If you’re up to it, go ahead.” Arthur said, kissing his hair. “But the water will probably get cold pretty quickly.”

               Smiling, Merlin turned his head back towards Arthur so that he could look in his eyes and simply let his magic flow out of him to heat up the water, knowing the exact moment his eyes turned golden with the slight widening of Arthur’s eyes, the blue of his irises taking a darker shade, his mouth taking a small round shape as he could hear his breath catching in his chest, feeling the small intake with the movement of Arthur’s body against his back and Arthur’s arms tightening around his waist. He smiled, a real smile, for the first time that day. He would never tire of the way Arthur reacted to seeing him use magic.

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Merlin said, turning his head back so that he could lean comfortably against Arthur once more.

“You’re a bloody tease,” Arthur groaned, hiding his face in Merlin’s neck and holding him even tighter, making Merlin chuckle.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Merlin replied, sounding innocent. “Now, hush, let me tell my story. It won’t even be that long. There’s not much you don’t know about this one.”

“Let’s hear it, then.” Arthur agreed, the smile noticeable in his voice.

“Well, it happened when we were at war with Caerleon.” Merlin started explaining.

“Oh, wait, let me guess.” Arthur interrupted. “My single combat, you used magic to save me, right? You stopped his sword and then you made him drop it when he was about to kill me.”

“Arthur Pendragon, you are no fun!” Merlin exclaimed, turning around to face the royal prat. “I thought I was supposed to tell the story!”

“Well, this one was pretty easy to get, you have to admit.” Arthur laughed brightly and Merlin had to bite his lip in order to stop the smile from stretching his lips.

               As it was the principle of the matter that was important, Merlin simply slid back against the opposite edge of the bathtub, crossing his arms on his chest and mustering his most convincing pout, looking deliberately away from Arthur and closing his eyes to add to the effect, as well as reduce the risk of losing his careful mask if he took a look at Arthur’s naked body, glistening with water and his wet golden hair artfully tousled on his head.

               Keeping his eyes firmly closed, he heard Arthur move, the water rippling against his skin and making splashing noises. Then, he felt warm – always warm, how was he always so warm – hands trail along his arms, taking hold of them and trying to ease them apart. Merlin made a point of not making it easy for him but Arthur had always been physically stronger and he had no trouble uncrossing Merlin’s arms and getting into his space, leaning on his chest and peppering his neck with small kisses that tickled his skin.

“I’m sorry for ruining your story, love.” Arthur whispered against his skin and Merlin had to fight twice as hard not to open his eyes and ravish his beautiful mouth. “Will you please forgive me?”

               Merlin took his time, gathering all of his remaining self-control, making a contemplative noise. Eventually, he couldn’t resist anymore and simply opened his eyes, kissing the tip of Arthur’s nose.

“Yeah, I forgive you, you prat.” He said, smiling.

               Arthur’s beaming expression was completely worth the admission of defeat and Merlin held him close in his arms.

“It was Morgana, wasn’t it?” Arthur asked. “She did something to my sword. At first, everything was fine but then, out of nowhere, it just became extremely heavy and I just couldn’t lift it anymore.”

“I didn’t see her there, but yeah, it probably was.” Merlin agreed. “Agravaine probably stole your sword while you were sleeping to bring it to her. I don’t know if Annis was aware of her plan or not. I guess we’ll never know for sure.”

“I guess we won’t.” Arthur nodded. “I was thinking…”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Merlin teased, which earned him a slap on his thigh, which made the water splash a bit around them, and a chuckle.

“Shut up.” Arthur tried to stay stern but it was clear he was smiling. “It’s just… now that I know about Agravaine’s betrayal… it’s so obvious to see how he had pushed me into making bad decisions. He always knew what to say to make me follow his will, always comparing me to my father and hiding behind what my people would want from me when it was only his personal opinion…”

“He was your uncle,” Merlin said, stroking Arthur’s hair gently. “He was the only family you had left. It’s no wonder you trusted him so much. You’ve always had trouble seeing yourself clearly and trusting your own judgement, thanks to your father’s own brand of parenting. You viewed Agravaine as this older, wiser, more competent person who had to know better than you and so you had to listen to him. He knew that and he used it against you. That’s not your fault. It’s on him.”

“I know, you’re right…” Arthur sighed. “It’s just hard to not feel guilty about it.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Merlin murmured, kissing his head lovingly. “I’ll just have to remind you every other day, then.”

“Sounds good.” Arthur smiled.

“Great.” Merlin smiled back. “Now, we should probably get out of the water. My magic can keep us warm but we’ll still get all wrinkled if we stay in there for too long.”

               Instead of answering, Arthur simply got up and out of the bath. Though, before Merlin could follow him, he turned around and picked him out of the tub, holding him bridal style in his arms, and rushed out of the bathroom to the bedroom. He dropped Merlin unceremoniously on the bed, grinning like a proud little kid.

“Arthur!” Merlin squawked indignantly. “We’re going to wet the sheets!”

“Well, you have magic, don’t you?” Arthur smirked, climbing on the bed and hovering above Merlin, a hungry look in his eyes. “I’m sure you can dry us with a flick of your hand. And I’ll make sure to keep you warm.”

               As he was saying that, he waggled his eyebrows in a way that was probably meant to be seductive but instead just ruined his sexy attitude and Merlin burst out laughing. That didn’t deter Arthur who just swooped down and kissed the laughter right from his lips. The effect was immediate, Merlin’s laugh died in his throat as he readily returned the kiss. He let his magic free, skimming over their bodies and drying them instantly.

“I love the way your magic feels,” Arthur murmured against his lips, trying not to break the kiss. “All warm and tingly. It’s like a very soft blanket keeping me safe from the world.”

               That made Merlin smile brightly, holding on tightly to Arthur and kissing him until they were both out of breath. But he didn’t care. He felt free, in a way he never had. He felt like he was flying, safe in Arthur’s arms, gliding in the sky, all of the weight usually dragging him down gone for a few moments where he could forget everything that wasn’t them. Just Merlin and Arthur. Nothing else mattered.

Chapter Text

               Arthur was feeling much more relaxed that evening. He had been worried about Merlin the day before, seeing as the warlock had closed himself off and wouldn’t say a word. He had spent the whole time thinking on how to help the man he loved, without being too overbearing. While he was better at handling emotions and vulnerability than he had been in Camelot, he still had trouble knowing what to do sometimes, especially when it wasn’t his own emotions and the person couldn’t communicate on what would help them the most.

               He was glad that his idea had helped Merlin come out of his mood and felt even more reassured when he had woken up to Merlin cooking breakfast, seeing the usual stupidly bright smile he had learned to love plastered on his face. When he had seen Arthur awake, Merlin’s smile had grown bigger, if possible, and he had started chattering nonsense, like always. There were still lingering traces of sadness in his blue eyes, not as bright as they normally were these days, but he seemed to be back to his lovingly annoying self and Arthur hadn’t been able to resist kissing his beautiful lips soundly.

               As they settled into bed after eating and cleaning together, Merlin looked like he was feeling even better. His eyes twinkled with joy and his smile felt even more sincere. Arthur felt his heart flutter in his chest, making sure to save this image in his memory forever.

“Okay, let’s see,” Merlin said, sitting comfortably against his pillows. “What story shall I tell you tonight?”

“Well, I wouldn’t know Merlin.” Arthur chuckled. “You are the storyteller, you should know what comes next.”

“You are really no help.” Merlin sighed, obviously trying to sound annoyed but failing to temper his smile. “Well then, I think the next story I need to tell is the one where I tried to kill you.”

               Arthur almost gave himself a whiplash with how fast he turned his head to look at Merlin, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets. He was trying to convince himself that it was a joke, but Merlin’s smile had become tighter and he looked completely serious.

“What do you mean, you tried to kill me?” Arthur asked, doing his best to stay calm.

“I’ll come to it soon enough.” Merlin said, his features softening and his hand seeking Arthur’s for comfort.

“Okay, I’m listening.” Arthur nodded.

“It started pretty ordinarily,” Merlin started. “We were in the forest with the knights when we got attacked by some Saxons. I fell a man from his horse with my magic because he was trying to kill you.”

“And you got yourself hurt because you weren’t paying attention,” Arthur cut in, looking grim. “Yeah, I remember that.”

“You probably remember the rock fall too then?” Merlin asked, looking sheepish.

“I shouldn’t be surprised that it was your doing as well,” Arthur sighed. “You self-sacrificing idiot.”

“Hey! It saved your life!” Merlin protested.

“Exactly my point.” Arthur glared at him.

               If there was one thing Arthur hated when hearing these stories, it was the realisation of how much danger Merlin had put himself in to protect him and Camelot. Obviously, he had understood that since the magic reveal, but it was still hard to listen and take notice of all the times Merlin could have died and Arthur would have never known how much he had done for him and his kingdom.

               Deep down, he knew that he had done the same for Merlin a few times, but it seemed so little compared to everything he had learned during their nightly routine.

               A warm sensation took him back to the present time, as he belatedly registered that he was in fact feeling Merlin’s soft lips on his forehead. He looked up in beautiful blue eyes, familiar comfort and sadness shining in them with a painful smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry I scared you that day but I’m not sorry for saving your life.” Merlin murmured. “I’ll never be sorry for that.”

“I know.” Arthur sighed, offering a small smile in forgiveness. “I would probably have done the same for you, so I guess I don’t really have any room to talk.”

“Quite right.” Merlin grinned teasingly. “After that, I passed out and was woken up by Morgana throwing a bucket of water in my face.”

               Of course, it had been Morgana. It wasn’t really a surprise anymore. His sister had been behind almost everything that had happened to them at that time. With Agravaine’s information, she had known exactly where and when they would be vulnerable. Merlin probably hadn’t been her target but if she hadn’t tried to kill him, she obviously had good reasons. The one where I tried to kill you, Merlin had said. Pieces of the puzzle were starting to form in Arthur’s head but he was still missing a lot and didn’t dare voice what he was thinking out loud. Merlin would confirm it soon enough anyway.

“She healed my wound and at first, I didn’t understand why she was going through all the trouble,” Merlin continued, “but then she summoned a horrible creature with her magic. She called it a Fomorroh. It’s a creature of dark magic, which is designed to consume everything inside someone’s mind, except one unique thought that becomes their only purpose. She cut off one of its heads and another immediately grew back. Then, she put it in my neck, with that one order that would consume my brain: to kill Arthur Pendragon.”

               Arthur closed his eyes, as if trying to shield himself from the unbearable truth. Morgana had taken Merlin from him without killing him, in order to use him in her hate driven plan to end Arthur’s life. The man who had spent all these years saving him, hidden in the shadows, being used as a weapon against him. It was just too cruel. But then, Morgana had been so far gone, devoured by her wish for revenge. It made sense that she would resort to such treachery.

“When I think about that time while you were missing, I had started to suspect Agravaine of being the traitor.” Arthur said, gritting his teeth. “Only a few people knew of our route and the attack had obviously been planned but he just played the “Uncle” card and managed to deflect my suspicions and put them on Gaius. I shouldn’t have trusted him. I shouldn’t have let myself be mellowed by his sweet, poisonous words.”

“You couldn’t have known Arthur,” Merlin reassured, squeezing his hand. “Gaius and I never told you of our suspicions and he was playing the game perfectly. He knew you, knew exactly what to say to manipulate you and it’s his fault, not yours. I already told you that once, I’m telling you again. You were not to blame for his treachery.”

“Do you remember anything from when you were under that creature’s influence?” Arthur asked suddenly, trying to change the subject.

               Merlin looked at him knowingly but graciously didn’t comment on it and Arthur had never been more grateful for how much they understood each other.

“I don’t really have any recollection of what happened, no.” Merlin admitted. “But Gaius told me everything that had happened so I can still tell you.”

“So, you don’t remember what happened when we found you?” Arthur asked, feeling his cheeks heat.

               It was stupid to feel embarrassed about it after the evolution of their relationship but he couldn’t help it. With the way Merlin was looking at him, he had apparently guessed that something was on his mind and he wouldn’t let him get away without saying it.

“No, I don’t.” Merlin smirked. “Would you care to tell me about it?”

“If I don’t, you’re just going to nag me until I do, so I might as well just get on with it.” Arthur grumbled.

“Yup.”

“Well, when no patrol was able to find you, I decided to go and search for you myself.” Arthur explained. “Of course, Gwaine came with me because a king shouldn’t leave his castle alone to go search for a servant in a forest potentially infested with Saxons and bandits. We were on the road and you just came up on the road, covered in mud. I had been so worried about you, I thought you might be dead and I let my emotions get the best of me, I guess.”

               He stopped himself, the old and well-known feeling of discomfort becoming even stronger. He really didn’t understand why he was experiencing it, probably a remnant of his previous life. After he had been reassured of Merlin’s wellbeing, he had taken note of what he had done and had felt terribly self-conscious. A king didn’t do that sort of thing with a servant after all.

“Come on, clotpole,” Merlin teased, getting him out of his thoughts. “It can’t be that bad, you can tell me. I promise I won’t make fun of you.”

               Arthur glared at him but the discomfort ebbed away slightly, leaving the familiar warmth and thrill of their usual banter. It was truly amazing, how Merlin knew exactly where and when to push to make him feel better and more relaxed. Unbothered by his withering look, Merlin’s smile simply grew bigger and Arthur eventually smiled back.

“I was so relieved to see you alive,” Arthur finally admitted. “I didn’t think, I just ran and hugged you.”

“You… hugged me?” Merlin asked, his eyes widening, obviously not having expected this.

“Yeah, I did.” Arthur nodded.

“Gods, that’s so unfair!” Merlin suddenly exclaimed, annoyed. “The ONLY TIME you were able to get your head out of your arse to show some real physical affection and I DON’T REMEMBER?!”

               For a second, Arthur was struck dumb, completely taken aback by Merlin’s outburst. Then, his brain registered what his lover had said and he started laughing. He really hadn’t planned for this reaction and it was both funny and terribly endearing.

“It’s not funny!” Merlin said, outraged. “I tried so many times to coax a hug out of you and when it finally happened, I was enchanted and couldn’t remember!”

“I’m sorry, love,” Arthur managed to say in between laughter. “But I have hugged you many times since I came back, doesn’t that make up for it?”

“I guess so, yeah.” Merlin mumbled, still obviously peeved.

               Pouting made him look much too adorable than he had any right to be and Arthur felt obligated to hug him, pressing butterfly kisses all over his face until the pout was replaced by laughing.

“Okay, okay, stop it you giant dog!” Merlin laughed, trying to push Arthur away as he was smothering him with love. “I get it, you love me and now I can have all the hugs I want! Can I continue my story now, please?”

               Planting one last sloppy kiss on his cheek, Arthur finally released Merlin and settled back comfortably on the pillows with a huge, proud smile on his face. Merlin glared playfully at him, his cheeks pink and his hair all mussed up from the assault, which clearly diminished his falsely threatening look.

“I’ll allow you to continue your story.” Arthur conceded haughtily.

“Thank you so much for your permission, my liege.” Merlin replied, following his lead with a flurry of hand motions.

“You are most welcome.” Arthur added, smirking.

“Okay, where was I? Oh yes! Gaius told me that he had noticed something was weird with my behaviour.” Merlin said. “I was mean to him. But he didn’t really think much more about it. Apparently, I asked him about the strongest poison he possessed, which was aconite, with the excuse of keeping some on me in case I was kidnapped again. Again, he wasn’t really that worried, until he was alerted by some people saying pigs had died. Gwen and him had found the plate I had brought to you for lunch in their pen, doused in aconite.”

“That’s why you were so angry about Gwen bringing me lunch!” Arthur realised. “I really hadn’t understood why you reacted so badly that day, it was unlike you, especially concerning Gwen.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t really me anymore, just the Fomorroh and the urge to kill you.” Merlin nodded. “They started looking for me after that, having worked out that something must have happened to me while I was lost. They found Leon, who told them that I seemed to be angry with you because I had been looking for a good crossbow to kill you. He had been laughing, obviously thinking it was just our usual banter, but Gwen and Gaius knew it wasn’t just that and they ran to your room to stop me.”

“A crossbow?” Arthur asked. “I didn’t see you with a crossbow.”

“According to Gaius, I had created a sort of trap in your wardrobe so that an arrow would fly when you’d open it.” Merlin explained. “But it didn’t work, fortunately. When they came into the room, I had taken your ceremonial sword and was about to kill you with it but I knocked myself out on a pillar. When I was starting to wake up, Gwen knocked me out with a pitcher.”

“Well, I guess I was lucky you were a clumsy oaf.” Arthur laughed. “Gwen must have felt awful doing that to you though.”

“Probably, yeah.” Merlin winced. “They brought me back to Gaius’ chambers and he was able to find the Fomorroh’s head in my neck. He took it out and threw it in the fire. Unfortunately, when I woke up the next morning, the head had just grown back.”

“Like when Morgana cut it from the beast.” Arthur said, understanding. “That is spectacularly evil.”

“You don’t need tell me,” Merlin shuddered, probably remembering the creature. “Once again, Gwen and him found me in your chambers. I was preparing your bath and I had added acid in it. I was testing it with a sword when they entered and Gwen knocked me out again and prevented you from having a bath.”

               Arthur flushed deep red at the memory of that day. He had come out from behind the changing screen completely naked to find Gwen and Gaius instead of Merlin. It had been mortifying, especially when Gwen had told him not to go inside the bath and he had needed to go back behind the screen, with what was left of his dignity.

“I remember that, I think that was one of the most embarrassing days of my existence.” Arthur said, still blushing.

               Merlin looked at him confused and when Arthur explained what had happened, he just laughed. Arthur first felt even more awkward, but eventually, he joined Merlin in his laughter. Thinking about it after all these years, it was just ridiculous and easier to find it funny.

“So, how were you able to get rid of it?” Arthur asked when they managed to breathe normally again.

“Well, Gaius used a poultice to paralyse the snake and woke me up.” Merlin said. “He explained everything that had happened and I told him about Morgana. He told me that to get rid of the snake, the mother beast summoned by Morgana needed to be killed.”

“Oh gods… You had to go back to Morgana’s hut?” Arthur asked, horrified.

“Gaius didn’t want me to but I didn’t have a choice and anyway, she never knew it was me.” Merlin replied.

“Let me guess,” Arthur interrupted. “Because you were eighty years old?”

“Exactly!” Merlin smiled brightly. “It was pretty funny, because I aged myself in the woods but then the knights found me and wanted to arrest me. I tried to make them let me go, saying that if they didn’t, I would most likely kill their king. They took it as a threat obviously. They attacked me but I stopped them with magic and ended up using them as steps to get back on my horse.”

               Arthur shouldn’t laugh at that. His knights had done what they were supposed to do, protect Camelot and arrest the sorcerer who had been, as they thought at the time, responsible for his father’s death. But it sounded so funny, imagining Merlin in his old disguise, climbing on top of his knights to be able to mount his horse more easily.

               In the end, he managed to reign in his laugh but only just, biting his tongue and pursing his lips. Merlin was smirking at him, as if he knew exactly what he was thinking, but didn’t say anything more, the laughter dancing in his eyes but never leaving his lips.

“When I found Morgana’s hut, I saw her and Agravaine leave.” Merlin continued, squeezing Arthur’s hand, which he returned gratefully. “I went in and started looking for the Fomorroh, but Morgana came back. When she saw me, she froze and then went right back out only to get inside again, thinking I wasn’t real.”

“She was really terrified of you.” Arthur murmured and Merlin nodded.

“I used her shock to get the Fomorroh and leave as quickly as possible, telling her that it was true, that I was just an illusion,” Merlin continued. “But she caught up to me and used her magic to knock me down. She tried to kill me but I just knocked her back as well. She asked me who I was, begging me to spare her because she would bring magic back to the land. I hesitated and she used her distraction to fly a knife at me. I was able to duck but she threw me back again with magic. She took the Fomorroh and tried to leave but I created a magical tornado that finally knocked her out. I got the Fomorroh back, threw it into a fire and used magic to ensure it was dead then got back to Camelot so that Gaius could get the head out of my neck.”

               Arthur felt a slight pain in his chest, as he thought about his sister and the love of his life fighting one another. Two powerful beings of magic, both scared and forced to hide their gifts for so long because of his father’s bigotry, both wanting magic to be free. But Morgana had been consumed by hate, just as his father had. It made him sad, he also felt guilty again for not having been able to be worthy of her faith, for having made her feel alone and scared, rejected by everyone she loved.

However, he was also angry with her, for having tried to use Merlin – the one person he trusted more than anyone in the world – to get him killed. What made him even madder, was the knowledge that Merlin, once free of the enchantment, would have been crushed if he had been the one responsible for Arthur’s death. If the way he had felt when Arthur had died, which had been by Mordred’s hand, was anything to go by, being the one to kill his king would have most likely destroyed him completely.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Merlin asked softly, brushing a hand through Arthur’s hair.

“I’m glad you are such a terrible assassin,” Arthur teased, trying to find comfort in their usual banter. “Otherwise, it would have ended much more drastically.”

“Actually, I have a theory about that.” Merlin said. “Well, two theories.”

“Oh, really? Please, do enlighten me with your wisdom.” Arthur smiled, Merlin pulling his hair lightly in retaliation.

“Well, first of all, I would have been able to kill you more easily if I had used my magic.” Merlin explained.

               That made Arthur stop and think back to what Merlin had told him in the story. Indeed, every time he had tried a new strategy, never once had he used magical means.

“Why didn’t you use any magic?” Arthur asked.

“The Fomorroh was summoned by Morgana, she’s the one who gave the order and she didn’t know about my magic then.” Merlin said. “I think that’s what prevented the Fomorroh from accessing it in order to kill you.”

“That… kind of makes sense.” Arthur nodded. “So, what’s the second theory?”

“I think, somewhere inside my mind, some part of me was still in control somehow. Perhaps my magic, it’s always had a mind of its own and it quite liked you,” Merlin flushed slightly, his eyes soft. “I think it was enough to foil the Fomorroh’s plans, like when the crossbow trap didn’t work only when you tried to use it or why I knocked myself out on a pillar when trying to kill you with your sword. Maybe even when I dumped the plate with the pigs, trying to leave some clues for Gaius to find and stop me?”

“Are you saying that your magic loves me so much, it was able to fight the Fomorroh’s power and save my life even when you were supposed to end it?” Arthur teased.

               It fell a bit flat between them, his voice shaking a bit with the overwhelming emotion that was threatening to burst out of him. Judging by Merlin’s knowing smile, he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Well, I am the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the Earth,” Merlin reminded him. “And if I’m right about the Fomorroh not accessing my magic because Morgana didn’t know about it, it could explain how my magic was able to counteract everything from the shadows. As I said, it has a mind of its own, sometimes it acts without my saying so, especially when you are involved.”

“Well, that’s… sweet, I guess.” Arthur said, seeing Merlin’s smile widen. “Shut up, Merlin.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Merlin laughed.

“You were going to. I know you too well.” Arthur grumbled.

“True,” Merlin admitted, coming closer to Arthur to whisper against his ear. “I was going to say that I love you so very much, my King.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” Arthur said, swallowing the lump of emotion stuck in his throat, blinking away the small tears that had gathered in the corner of his eyes. “Because I love you too, my Warlock.”

Chapter Text

               It was a good thing that the story from the night before had been more light hearted, Merlin thought, because the next one was going to be painful to tell. It still hurt, thinking about it. It was one of those times Arthur had dismissed his words, but it had almost cost the life of one of the dearest persons to him. Merlin knew Arthur would still feel guilty about it as well, which wouldn’t really help in softening the blow.

               With that in mind, Merlin decided to prepare the evening as much as he could. He had cooked one of Arthur’s favourite meals, which they had eaten while trading insults and banter, laughing together. He had made some tea to help them unwind and had suggested they take their shower together, wiggling his eyebrows in a ridiculous manner to make Arthur laugh.

               They had just come out from the bathroom, in their soft pyjamas, skin warmed from the water and tender touches, hair still damp. They were both as relaxed as they could be as they settled in bed, but Merlin began feeling on edge again, as he thought about the story he was about to tell. A soft caress on his cheek brought him back to the present, looking into warm blue eyes that were watching him with love and affection.

“Are you okay?” Arthur whispered, always so perceptive of Merlin’s mood swings.

“Yeah,” Merlin nodded. “Tonight’s story will just be a bit painful for me to tell you and for you to hear I think.”

“Is that why you decided to pamper me?” Arthur asked with a teasing smile. “Not that I’m complaining, I was just wondering when the other shoe would drop.”

“Sorry,” Merlin flushed, feeling sheepish at having been caught red-handed. “It’s about that time Gaius got kidnapped.”

“Oh… Yeah, I see what you mean.” Arthur said, already looking guilty.

“Let’s promise right now that we’ll try and remember that this happened centuries before and that you feeling guilty and me feeling hurt will not change what happened.” Merlin proposed. “We were played and the outcome wasn’t completely drastic, you apologised and I forgave you a long time ago”

               To emphasise his point, he presented Arthur with his pinkie finger, smiling gently. However, when he saw his confused face looking at the digit, he realised he had never told him about this particular cultural thing.

“Why are you giving me your finger?” Arthur asked.

“I forgot you didn’t know about that,” Merlin chuckled. “It’s called a ‘pinkie promise’. For people nowadays, especially children, it’s the most sacred of oaths. It is considered unbreakable.”

“We are not children, Merlin.” Arthur drawled, though his smile betrayed his true feelings.

               Instead of answering, Merlin took hold of Arthur’s right hand and intertwined their pinkie fingers together, holding on tight and looking straight into his eyes.

“I pinkie promise that no matter what I reveal, I already forgave you for what happened and I won’t let my hurt cloud my feelings.” Merlin swore, solemn.

“I pinkie promise that no matter what you reveal, I won’t let my guilt get the better of me and I will listen to everything you have to say, without lashing out.” Arthur continued, holding back his laugh.

               They squeezed their fingers one last time, smiling brightly at each other, before letting go and settling back into more comfortable positions.

“Right,” Merlin started. “The night after you interrogated Gaius, Agravaine called me to his chambers. I should probably have been more suspicious, as I already knew he was working with Morgana but when he asked me if I could sharpen a dagger he supposedly wished to give you, I didn’t think twice about it. He wanted it to be ready for you to find in the morning, so I wasn’t with Gaius that night.”

“He tricked you into staying away from your room so that they could take Gaius away without you seeing anything.” Arthur understood. “That bastard.”

“Yeah, I figured as much when the warning bells sounded and we found that Gaius was missing.” Merlin nodded. “But even if you didn’t believe me, I knew he hadn’t run. He had lied to you to protect me after all, I knew he was innocent. So, I went to search Agravaine’s chambers and I found a chest hidden under his bed. When I unlocked it with my magic, it was filled with magic books, identical to the ones found in Gaius’ room.”

“Obviously, he had planted the evidence himself,” Arthur nodded. “But why Gaius?”

“Well, you already told me that Agravaine had deflected your suspicions of him onto Gaius,” Merlin replied. “And they were also hoping he would give them information about Emrys, seeing as he had lied about not knowing him during your interrogation.”

“That filthy-“ Arthur stopped himself, reigning in his temper. “He used the excuse of questioning Gaius to gain information on Emrys for Morgana.”

“Yes, Morgana was terrified of him or, well, me.” Merlin nodded. “Anyway, I also found some strange dirt on Agravaine’s boots and I took some of it on my finger to examine later. Agravaine got back to his chambers but I managed to leave without him seeing me, or so I thought.”

“He followed you that night,” Arthur said. “He must have seen you somehow.”

“Probably, yeah. While I was trying to find out what the dirt was, Gwaine came into Gaius’ room and I told him that Gaius had been kidnapped.” Merlin explained. “I asked him if he knew what the dirt I had found was. He said that it was iron and that he had only seen it once in Camelot, in the mines at the ridge of Kemeray. We left immediately after that to get to the mines and find Gaius.”

“I’m glad Gwaine was able to help you.” Arthur murmured, eyes full of guilt he was trying to hide.

               Merlin smiled softly at him, taking hold of his pinkie finger with his own and squeezing, a reminder of their promise. That made Arthur smile back and some of the guilt eased away from his eyes.

“When we arrived in the mines, we got attacked by a man,” Merlin continued. “Gwaine fought him and I used magic to stop him. After that, we had to split up at a crossroad, so I asked Gwaine not to wait for me if he found Gaius.”

“He did find him,” Arthur said, smiling sadly. “When he came back alone with Agravaine and Gaius, I was so scared. I already felt guilty for having abandoned Gaius when he needed me, but knowing you were still out there, probably facing Morgana all on your own… I was terrified. I didn’t know you could hold your own against her then.”

“Well, actually, I wouldn’t have been able to do much without revealing myself to her.” Merlin winced. “I arrived at a dead end and she found me. She threw me back with magic and floated her dagger to me. I asked her where Gaius was. She said that she needed some information from him and that she had someone who could get it for her.”

“Gaius would have never betrayed you.” Arthur ground out, looking sure of himself.

“No, he wouldn’t have,” Merlin smiled sadly. “But he didn’t have much of a choice. At that moment, a man joined us and told Morgana that he knew who and where Emrys was. He was looking at me and I got terrified that it was it, my secret would be revealed to Morgana, but when she asked him to tell her, he refused and knocked her out.”

“Well, that was unexpected.” Arthur said. “Why would he do that?”

“Well, immediately after that, he knelt before me.” Merlin admitted, embarrassed. “He told me that his name was Alator of the Catha and that he knew who I was. He said that he, too, had lived with knowledge of destiny and that he believed in the world I wanted to create. He pledged his life to me, saying that he would do anything to help me achieve that goal and that Morgana would never get anything from him.”

               Merlin knew he was blushing, the heat in his face unmistakable. Arthur was looking at him in awe, which didn’t really help at all. He had always hated being revered like some kind of god. Though, this once, it had most certainly saved his life, so he couldn’t really complain.

“Wow,” Arthur whispered. “People do worship you.”

“Stop it!” Merlin admonished, flushing more deeply. “I hated when people did that. Thankfully, nobody knows about Emrys nowadays so I don’t have to deal with that anymore.”

“Always so modest.” Arthur smiled, kissing his nose.

“Yeah, yeah, well, someone had to balance that gigantic head of yours.” Merlin stuck out his tongue.

“You impertinent little shit!” Arthur laughed. “I could put you in the stocks for that!”

“There are no stocks anymore, sire.” Merlin replied haughtily.

“Well, I’ll just have to build some for you myself.” Arthur retorted.

“I’d pay to see that.” Merlin chuckled. “Now, may I finish my story?”

“I’ll allow it.” Arthur nodded.

“Too kind.” Merlin drawled. “Anyway, when I got back to Gaius, he told me that he was ashamed to have told my secret. I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault, that Morgana was the only one to blame, and Alator hadn’t told her in the end so my secret was still safe. He was scared that he would betray me one day, without meaning to, but I told him I was more worried about him, that he had almost died. In the end, he said that we couldn’t tell you about Agravaine, because we didn’t have any evidence.”

“I hate to say it but I think he was right.” Arthur winced. “I was so convinced that my uncle could never betray me, I wouldn’t have believed it. I’m sorry for that.”

“None of that now!” Merlin said. “You promised.”

“True, I did.” Arthur smiled, then it turned into a smirk. “And, now that you’ve finished your story, you can go and build those stocks yourself.”

“Har. Har.” Merlin deadpanned. “You’re no longer a king, I don’t have to answer to the likes of you anymore.”

“I thought you said I would always be your King?” Arthur asked mischievously.

“Me? I said that? Nope, can’t remember, sorry.” Merlin replied with a huge, innocent smile.

“Oh really?” Arthur lifted an eyebrow doubtfully. “Well, I guess we’ll have to remedy that.”

               Without waiting for a reply, Arthur jumped on Merlin quickly, blocking his legs with his own and holding his wrists above his head with one hand, the other coming to his side and started tickling him. Merlin’s immediate response was an undignified squeal, as he struggled to get free of Arthur’s grip. He could have easily dislodged him using magic, but it was more fun this way.

               They went at it for some time, laughing and teasing and fighting, until they were much too tired to do anything else but cuddle and fall asleep, hair and clothes in disarray but warm and happy in each other’s arms.

Chapter Text

               Arthur was sitting in bed, looking at his right-hand pinkie finger in earnest, while Merlin was finishing his nightly ablutions in the bathroom. He flexed it slightly, trying to understand what power it could withhold if it allowed to make such important oaths with people, unbreakable promises.

               Deep down, he knew that it was probably just a children’s tale, something to help them trust people when they were scared or teach them to make good on any promise they would give. But it must have come from somewhere, mustn’t it?

               He had wanted to look it up on Merlin’s “computer”, but he had been forbidden to ever touch the damn thing again after he had almost destroyed it to stop it from making a sound from where he hadn’t known it came. He was then condemned to either ask Merlin or suffer from his ignorance and have it bug him all day, which it had. He was much too proud to ask Merlin about it, though.

               When he heard the door open, he abruptly stopped his finger inspection as to avoid any questions about it. He smiled brightly at Merlin when he settled beside him in their bed, hiding deeply under the cover and sticking himself to Arthur’s side in order to leech all his body heat. How he was always so cold, Arthur didn’t understand, but he wouldn’t complain about it as it was a very good excuse for getting cuddles without admitting to wanting them.

               Once Merlin seemed to be comfortably settled, he looked up at Arthur with his bright, playful blue eyes and smiled.

“Alright,” he said. “Story time! Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Arthur chuckled.

“Great! Okay, we were called to a village because of a strange illness and Gaius couldn’t come with us because of his own work in Camelot, so he sent me in his place.” Merlin began. “I was pretty scared but Gaius trusted me, so I didn’t want to disappoint him. As you couldn’t really leave with your kingly duties, I went with Gwen and the knights.”

“Oh yes, I remember that.” Arthur smiled. “Your very first solo physician mission, how exciting.”

“Shut up, you prat.” Merlin slapped him half-heartedly. “Anyway, when we were there, I tried to use magic to heal them but it didn’t work. Then, I thought I saw something weird outside and went to investigate. I only found Gwaine, though, not much of a threat.”

“Depends on how you look at it.” Arthur smirked, making Merlin chuckle.

“By then, I was already pretty certain that some kind of sorcery was at play,” Merlin continued. “The chief told me that he had thought as much because he had felt a presence on the night he found the latest victim. With that in mind, we started making our way back to Camelot to get Gaius but we were delayed by a girl being attacked by bandits. We fought them off, the knights and Gwen with swords, me with my magic to trip the ones who came too close and we saved the girl.”

“Usual day for the knights of Camelot then,” Arthur smiled.

“You could say that,” Merlin nodded. “Although, when I tried to touch her and see if she was okay, she started screaming. I tried to help her stand but she wouldn’t let me touch her.”

               Arthur already knew how this was going to end, he remembered it quite well. He had been worried sick when they hadn’t heard anything from them. He recalled the stories Gaius had told him about this creature, this Lamia. It had given him nightmares for days after. He was curious to hear what had happened to his friends during this journey with the girl and why she had been so scared of Merlin. Though, he could probably guess this one, knowing about Merlin’s magic and all.

“So, you took this girl with you I gather?” Arthur asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yep,” Merlin said. “We made camp and I tried to help her as she looked like she was in pain, but she flinched and Percival pushed me, ordering me to stay away from her. After that, I went to fill the water skins and I found him hugging the girl. Gwen even tried to give her food but she flinched away from her as well and didn’t eat anything.”

               That made Arthur frown. No one had told him about Percival being mean to Merlin, it didn’t sound like him at all. He was always so kind with people and all of his knights had always loved Merlin, maybe even more than they loved their king sometimes. He would have to talk about it with him once he finished telling his story.

“After that, Leon said that we would ride east to bring Lamia back to her village.” Merlin continued. “I tried to tell them that we needed to go and find Gaius, that the villagers were counting on us to help them but Leon suddenly lashed out, telling me that I was nothing but a servant. Gwen argued too but Elyan told her that she didn’t have a say in the matter.”

               Arthur was feeling more and more angry as he listened to what Merlin was saying. What made it all worse was the way Merlin’s voice would waver or how he would swallow visibly, as if something was stuck in his throat. What he was hearing about his knights’ behaviour was appalling and he really wanted them not to be dead so that he could punish them the way they deserved for how they had apparently treated the two people he loved most.

               Merlin didn’t seem to notice his anger, too engrossed in his painful memories. Arthur took a deep breath, trying to reign in his temper. This was about Merlin. He needed to stay calm and not lash out like he was used to. His knights were not there at the moment and Merlin would need all the smothering he could offer after reliving all this hurt.

               Feeling much calmer, proud of his self-control, he took hold of Merlin’s hands and took his time to kiss each finger reverently, taking care to kiss the ring on his left hand softly. He was rewarded with one of Merlin’s warmest smiles and continued his ministrations as he listened to the rest of the tale.

“It just kept getting worse after that,” Merlin explained, his voice a bit steadier as he let himself be cherished by Arthur. “Leon and Gwaine started fighting to give Lamia some water. I asked them to stop but they just continued with their swords and Leon got hurt. Elyan and Percival were able to separate them and I treated Leon’s wound but he was not happy with the way I was sewing it, of course. I spoke about it with Gwen. It was weird that they would fight like that and I was sure it was because of that girl, as it had started when we found her but Gwen was sceptical. She didn’t look like much of a threat after all.”

“Well, you don’t look like much of a threat either,” Arthur smiled, pausing himself as he was then kissing Merlin’s palms. “Yet, I think we both know that’s not true.”

“Quite right,” Merlin smiled back. “The next morning, Elyan was missing and we found him unconscious. Gwen told me that she was sure it was Lamia’s fault and I tried to ask the knights to get back to Camelot but she said that she knew a castle where we could find shelter. Gwen and I protested, of course, but once again Leon just shouted at us that we had no say in the matter.”

               Arthur had to use all the power inside of him not to crush Merlin’s hands with his own as he really wanted to ball them into fists. His knights had behaved appallingly, and even though he knew that they had most likely not been themselves, they had still hurt Gwen and worst of all, his Merlin. He wished he had known about it at the time, so he could have punished them the way they should have been. He really hoped they had at least taken the time to apologise to them both once they were back safely in Camelot.

“Gwen and I quickly realised that they were enchanted and that we couldn’t reason with them,” Merlin said. “So, we decided to try and leave a trail for you to find, using Gwen’s dress. With how much time had passed, it was obvious you would have understood that something wrong had happened.”

“Yeah, we went to the village with Gaius when we didn’t hear anything from you,” Arthur nodded. “When the chief told us how long ago you had left, we knew something must have happened. We were able to find the men who had first caught the Lamia and track you from there. And thanks to your ingenious plan as well, Gwen’s dress pieces did help us follow you.”

               That made Merlin smile and Arthur planted a kiss on the inside of each of his wrists. He turned his hands, palm facing down, so that he could continue his trail of kisses on the back of them. Merlin shook his head but didn’t comment on it, clearly enjoying it as much as Arthur did.

“When we arrived at the castle, I tried to reason with Percival, to make him realise that this was all a trap,” Merlin said. “But he told me that he didn’t care for my opinion and threatened me. Once we were inside, Lamia disappeared. Leon wanted to find her and I tried to tell them all that she was responsible for everything that had happened, but he wouldn’t believe me. Thankfully, Gwen asked them to stop and focus on Elyan before it could turn even more sour.”

“Gwen always was the smart one.” Arthur smirked, earning himself a flick on the forehead. “Ouch! That’s mean!”

“You deserved it,” Merlin chuckled. “Now, get on with those kisses while I continue my story.”

“My, my, how demanding.” Arthur tutted but did as he was told. He was never any good at saying no to Merlin.

“Thank you,” Merlin smiled. “So, we found a place to lay Elyan, then Gwaine decided to make a fire while Leon and Percival would go look for Lamia. Leron threatened me that I was to listen to everything Gwaine said or face consequences. Gwaine said that we needed more firewood but when I volunteered to go, he said that he’d do it because he didn’t trust me.”

               If they had needed any proof that the knights were enchanted, that would be it. Of all the knights of Camelot, Gwaine was the one who loved Merlin the most. Arthur could even admit that he had often been jealous of how freely the man expressed his affections towards Merlin in a way Arthur could never allow himself to. He knew with every fibre of his being, that if Merlin had chosen one day to leave Camelot, Gwaine would have followed him in a heartbeat, without any regret. He had been loyal to his king, to his kingdom, but he had always been more loyal to Merlin than anything and anyone else. Arthur couldn’t blame him for that, after all, he was deeply in love with said man and knew how much devotion he could inspire in people. That was one of the things he loved most about Merlin. He was a loyal friend and people were loyal to him in return.

               The touch of a finger against his lips brought him back to the present time. He looked up to find Merlin watching him in askance, a slight frown on his face. Arthur smiled sweetly at him, resuming his delicate kisses on his hands in reassurance. That seemed to work because Merlin visibly relaxed in his hold.

“Gwen and I were left alone with Elyan, she was very worried about him,” Merlin continued. “She didn’t understand why neither she nor I had been enchanted. I told her that she was a woman but of course she couldn’t leave it at that, asking why then I wasn’t enchanted. I tried to find an excuse, saying that maybe it was because I wasn’t a knight. I was pretty sure it was because of my magic but I couldn’t tell her that. Obviously, she wasn’t satisfied with that, she said that Lamia was looking at me as if I was the enemy.”

“Not that wrong there.” Arthur interjected.

“I guess not,” Merlin smiled. “I decided to go look for Gwaine then, because he still hadn’t come back. I found him unconscious. Then, I found Lamia as she was hurting Leon. Her eyes were like those of a snake. She said that my magic couldn’t do anything to her. I’m not one to be deterred though, so I used my magic to levitate Leon’s sword and plant it in her chest. She changed into her true form and struck me but I used magic to make rocks fall on her. That didn’t stop her though as she managed to get out and chased me through the castle. Then, I found Gwen and we both ran away but the Lamia caught my leg and Gwen attacked it. You know the rest of it.”

               Arthur remembered. They had found the castle and he had been faced with the back of that giant snake-like creature. He had heard Gwen’s battle cry and hadn’t hesitated. He had struck her with his sword, killing it swiftly. He had been impressed by Gwen’s bravery. He had also been terribly worried for Merlin and had used their usual banter as a distraction, because he couldn’t show everyone present how much he had been scared for this man that was only his servant.

“Did they apologise?” Arthur asked, the question having been on the tip of his tongue since the first mention of his knights’ violence towards Merlin.

“What? Who? What do you mean?” Merlin asked back, looking confused. And wasn’t that just so endearing, Merlin being so clueless about his own wellbeing, whether it be physical or emotional.

“The knights,” Arthur clarified, his voice serious. “Did they ever apologise for how badly they treated you?”

“I don’t think they really remembered,” Merlin said, squirming awkwardly. “They were under a spell, it wasn’t their fault, they didn’t have anything to be sorry for.”

               Obviously Merlin, sweet, kind Merlin, would think like that. He probably almost believed it too, if it wasn’t for the pain still visible in his blue eyes. But it was plain to see, for Arthur at least. He had been hurt by all those jabs and threats coming from his closest friends. Even if they hadn’t meant any of their words, they had still come from their mouths and had been directed towards Merlin. Arthur felt the anger flare back inside of him and he squashed most of it. It wasn’t the time for that, he needed to comfort Merlin. Moreover, the target of his anger wasn’t present anymore to receive it.

“It doesn’t matter that they were enchanted,” Arthur said, squeezing Merlin’s hands, making sure to look straight in his eyes, willing him to listen. “They still said those awful things to you and it hurt. They were your friends and they hurt you. Whether they wanted to or not, they did, and they should have apologised to you. I can’t go back in time to whip their asses but trust me, I would do it. If I had known what they had done to you and Gwen, I would have punished them the way they deserved. And because they were enchanted, I might have been lenient on them. But they hurt the two people I loved most in all my life. They would have faced consequences. And I would have made them apologise to you, each one, personally.”

“I don’t think you would have needed to force them,” Merlin smiled sadly. “If I had told them, I’m sure they would have apologised in a heartbeat.”

“I know they would have, especially Gwaine,” Arthur nodded, softening his voice. “But I still would have punished them, just for the principle. Probably a good training round each, without restraining myself. The soreness would have served as a reminder not to mess with you.”

               He offered Merlin his brightest, most innocent smile and finally managed to get a small laugh out of him, one that made the corners of his eyes crinkle with joy and brightened his whole face. That was much better. Arthur really preferred this expression on Merlin than the one he had been sporting during his retelling.

“Thank you, my lovely King.” Merlin said, holding Arthur’s face with both of his hands and planting a soft kiss on his mouth.

“You’re most welcome.” Arthur murmured against his lips, kissing back with all his love, his strong arms encircling his waist.

Chapter Text

               Merlin was so glad when he slid between the soft sheets of the bed that night. It had been a really long day during which he had run around through the neighbouring town, trying to make sure that everything he had prepared with magic to make Arthur a real, living British citizen had worked as it should.

               Their wedding would be soon, just a few more days, so it all needed to be ready. Falsifying papers wasn’t that difficult for him but modern-day administration just kept getting more and more complicated. As they were living mostly autonomously, not needing to work, Merlin’s magic sufficient to sustain them both with what he had around the Lake, he had needed to be extremely careful with any information given, as well as making sure no one would want to investigate weird little details.

               He was very proud of himself, knowing that it had all gone exactly as planned, but his body and mind were really feeling the hardship of the day. Lying in bed was the very best thing then, after such a tiring day. He would just rest his eyes for a few minutes while Arthur was in the shower, taking a power nap to be more alert for his storytelling.

               Merlin must have dozed off a bit more than he had planned, because he was woken up harshly by the door of the bathroom closing. His eyes shot open as he suddenly sat up in bed, looking around slightly disoriented and heard a soft chuckle coming from his left. He turned his head towards the sound, looking at Arthur who was watching him with a small, apologetic smile.

“Sorry, love.” Arthur said. “I didn’t know you were asleep.”

“I was not,” Merlin managed to croak out, his brain still a bit muddled with sleep. “I was just… resting my eyes.”

“Sure,” Arthur chuckled, joining him in bed. “Are you sure you want to tell me a story tonight? You look ready to keel over. Maybe we should just go to sleep.”

“No!” Merlin protested, blinking his eyes to get rid of the last remnants of sleepiness. “I can tell my story, I’m fine! Sleep can wait!”

“Alright, if you’re sure.” Arthur relented, shaking his head with a smile.

“I’m sure!” Merlin nodded vigorously, already feeling more awake.

“Well, I’m listening.” Arthur smiled.

               Merlin opened his mouth to begin his story, when he suddenly remembered exactly what he would have to tell. The memory came back to him with such clarity, bringing tears in the corners of his eyes and he felt a harsh pain in his heart, grief piercing him with such force he was left breathless. Arthur’s expression immediately morphed into one of worry and concern. He gently took hold of Merlin’s hand with slow, obvious movements as if to not startle him, and squeezed it, trying to bring him back to the present.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this now?” Arthur asked, brows furrowed. “You’re already pretty tired, there’s no need to exhaust you even more by reliving painful memories.”

“No, I…” Merlin licked his lips, swallowing the lump forming in his throat.

               He took a deep steadying breath, closed his eyes for a second before opening them again, determination written all over his features.

“I want to talk about it,” Merlin finally said, looking at Arthur steadily. “I need to talk about it. I need to get it out.”

“Alright,” Arthur nodded, massaging his hand gently. “I’m listening.”

               Merlin nodded back once, taking another few seconds to regain as much control on his emotions as possible. When he felt steady enough, using the soft yet strong grip of Arthur’s hand on his own to ground himself, he began speaking.

“When Lancelot came back from the dead, turning up out of the blue at your engagement tournament,” Merlin said, his voice catching on Lancelot’s name and he breathed in and out once more. “I was both elated to have him back, but also really concerned on how it was possible for him to be back, just like that. I wanted to believe it was real, so much. When I talked to him later that day, I told him how sorry I was, that if I could have saved him that day, I would have. But, when I mentioned magic, he just didn’t seem to remember that I had it.”

“Okay, yeah, that sounds strange.” Arthur agreed.

“Yeah, I told Gaius that something felt wrong,” Merlin continued. “His story was weird and the bit about magic had only confirmed it. So, I started researching necromancy. When I asked Gaius about it, he said that it was the most dangerous of all magical practices, that even in the time of the Old Religion, it had been feared. I explained to him that I thought Morgana had raised Lancelot from the dead.”

“Wait, is that possible?” Arthur asked, shocked.

“It is very dark and dangerous magic but yes, it’s possible.” Merlin nodded. “Gaius said that they are called shades but that we didn’t have any way of knowing if Lancelot was one. That’s when I showed him the book I found, which contained a spell capable of doing just that. Lancelot was sleeping in my room, so I traced the pattern on the ground in front of the door and used magic to enchant it. When Lancelot came out and crossed it, he appeared as a corpse. Gaius explained that he was but a shadow of his former self and that whatever he had come back for, it couldn’t be anything good.”

“So, Morgana had brought back Lancelot from the dead because she knew Gwen had feelings for him.” Arthur guessed.

“At first,” Merlin said, “I thought he was there to kill you, because you trusted him. When you faced him in the final of the tournament, I was really worried. I was prepared to use my magic to save you, if need be. But he yielded. We didn’t understand what he was there for if it wasn’t to kill you. Then I saw Gwen enter his tent.”

“When my father first found out about Gwen and I because of Morgana, and she was accused of sorcery, you said that Morgana must have had a vision of Gwen becoming Queen, taking what she thought was her rightful place.” Arthur recalled. “Do you think that’s what it was all about?”

“Probably,” Merlin nodded. “That night, I followed Lancelot and overheard him and Agravaine talk. I continued to follow him and I tried to knock him out with my magic but he just woke up and knocked me out instead. When I finally woke up and found him, it was already too late.”

“Agravaine had come to wake me up,” Arthur said. “He knew exactly what was happening and when to get me there.”

“Yeah, it was all very well planned,” Merlin agreed darkly. “You started fighting, I had to use magic to disarm Lancelot and well, you know the rest. That’s when I understood that Morgana had been trying to split you and Gwen up. I wanted to tell you but Gaius said that it wouldn’t have changed what Gwen did and that she needed to pay the price.”

“Unfortunately, he was right.” Arthur said grimly. “Especially as Agravaine had witnessed it, even if I had wanted to spare her, I couldn’t have. But why did she do it? That’s what I never quite understood.”

“Well, I didn’t know at the time either,” Merlin admitted. “But, years after your death, I investigated the whole castle to try and find any traces of remaining magic or potentially dangerous spells. In the cells, I found a silver bracelet. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then I realised that I had seen it before, around Gwen’s wrist, precisely after Lancelot had come back. The magic had faded mostly but there were still some traces of it and that’s when I understood. Morgana must have enchanted the bracelet and Lancelot had given it to her.”

“She had been enchanted and I didn’t see anything,” Arthur groaned. “I didn’t even think about that possibility, I just immediately judged her and thought the worst of her.”

               Merlin knew that if he didn’t do something, Arthur would just spiral back in endless guilt and self-loathing. He squeezed the hand holding his, using the other one to stroke Arthur’s cheek and force him to look into his eyes. Once he was sure he had his undivided attention, he gave him a small smile and spoke.

“Listen to me, you clotpole,” Merlin said, trying to sound teasing. “You knew close to nothing about magic back then. There wasn’t really any sign, any clue to tell that Gwen was enchanted, even I didn’t see it. Lancelot had been Gwen’s first love. It wasn’t such a farfetched idea to think that she had just succumbed to him after he was suddenly resurrected. You were played, we all were. It wasn’t your fault. Do you understand?”

               Arthur nodded slowly, looking a bit awed and Merlin couldn’t resist. He kissed him deeply, trying to distract both him and Arthur from the painful memories. He knew it wasn’t quite over, he still had some last things to say, but he wanted to postpone it until the last minute possible.

               When they broke apart, Arthur squeezed his hand and looked at him knowingly. It was both endearing and infuriating how he seemed to know Merlin so well.

“You haven’t finished your story, have you?” Arthur asked softly, his thumb drawing soothing circles on the back of his hand.

“No, I haven’t,” Merlin nodded, his chest growing heavy with grief once more. “I went to see Gwen leave Camelot but I didn’t say anything to her, I didn’t know what to say. Then, I took Lancelot’s body to the Lake of Avalon. With my magic, I managed to bring his spirit back. He woke up, just for a few seconds. He recognised me and thanked me, for making him whole again, I guess. Then he died. At least this time, I was able to give him a proper burial, sending him in a boat on the lake and lighting it on fire.”

               He stopped himself. He had said it, he had told the whole story, it was over. He noticed belatedly that his cheeks were wet and his vision blurry with tears. Arthur hadn’t said anything, just kept holding his hand. When Merlin was silent for a few minutes, he felt himself be engulfed in a strong and warm embrace. It was like a dam had opened, tears streaming down his face and sobs being wrenched out directly from his chest.

               Arthur still didn’t speak, simply held him close and rocked him gently, letting him pour all his grief out. Merlin was ever so grateful that he was there, back with him. He didn’t have to deal with all of this alone anymore. He didn’t have to bottle up his feelings and keep moving as if nothing was amiss, to just keep going and going, because people depended on him. He could just be Merlin, a man with deep scars, both physical and emotional, who was allowed to hurt and grieve and cry and love and laugh and live.

Chapter Text

               Arthur’s mind was still reeling with everything he had learned the night before. He had never really taken the time to think about it properly, didn’t have all the elements to help him see the bigger picture, but after Merlin’s stories, he had much more information. He had never even considered the possibility that Gwen might have been enchanted to encourage her betrayal or that Morgana had been the one to bring Lancelot back from the dead.

              With so little knowledge and understanding of magic, he had been easily deceived. He hadn’t been able to tell that Lancelot’s story didn’t make much sense. Moreover, the feeling of betrayal when he had seen Gwen and Lancelot in each other’s arms had been so fierce, it had burned inside his chest, a harsh and violent fire that had robbed him of anything but anger and desire for revenge.

              It was so obvious, thinking about it then with brand new eyes, wide open to everything he had denied all those years during his previous life. He tasted the sour taste of his guilt at the thought of all the hurt his sweet Gwen had endured, being banished from the only home she had ever known, as well as for Lancelot’s spirit, which had been tainted by the devious way Morgana had used his body. Because of course, loyal and humble Lancelot would never have done that to Arthur. He had left once because he didn’t want to get between him and Gwen. It should have been obvious, but he hadn’t been any good at managing his emotions at the time, rage taking over immediately, cancelling every thought process.

              Arthur shook himself, trying to get rid of those guilty thoughts. It wouldn’t help to dwell on the past like that. It was too late. In the end, he had been able to look past it and marry Gwen. He reminded himself that Agravaine had been present as well, witnessing it all. As he had told Merlin, even if he had realised something was amiss, he would have been forced to act and punish Gwen for her betrayal.

“You shouldn’t think too hard, you could hurt yourself.” Merlin teased, his voice bringing him back to the present.

“Very funny, Merlin,” Arthur smirked. “It’s good to know being an old decrepit man hasn’t deteriorated your sense of humour.”

“I beg your pardon?” Merlin asked in outrage. “You are as old as me, dollophead!”

“Still not a word,” Arthur taunted. “And I was dead for most of it so, I don’t think it counts.”

“It so counts!” Merlin protested, falling right on Arthur’s chest deliberately, knocking the air out of him.

“Oof! How are you so heavy when you look like a twig?” Arthur laughed, easily pushing Merlin off of him and onto the bed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Merlin replied, wiggling his eyebrows.

               Arthur just shook his head at his ridiculousness, chuckling. He was glad Merlin’s grief hadn’t weighed on him too much after sleeping a few hours. It was good that he was able to get the weight off his chest, talk about it and then move on a bit lighter. His smiles were becoming much more real, like they had been when he had first arrived in Camelot instead of the last few years before Arthur’s death, when his smiles had been rarer and more forced, more fake. It was good to see some of his innocence back. He would probably never get it all back, Arthur was the same in that regard. Some wounds, no matter how well they healed, would always leave a scar.

“So,” Merlin said, bringing him out of his thoughts once again. “Story time?”

“Yes, let’s go!” Arthur agreed, excited.

“You’re such a child,” Merlin chuckled, though his eyes were warm. “Okay, tonight is the story of how Elyan became possessed by a spirit.”

“Oh yes, I remember that one.” Arthur winced, unpleasant memories coming back to him.

“Remember, no feeling guilty,” Merlin warned. “You were already forgiven for that one so just enjoy it.”

“Promise.” Arthur smiled, taking hold of Merlin’s hand to link their pinkie fingers together.

               The joyful gleam in Merlin’s eyes was worth the little embarrassment he was feeling at doing something so childish. He also felt kind of proud of himself for having learned a new piece of modern culture and understood it.

“Great,” Merlin said. “As always, it started with you thick knights, when we discovered a shrine. I tried to warn you that it was sacred and that we should leave and not touch anything but you didn’t listen to me right away, as always.”

“Sorry about that.” Arthur smiled sheepishly.

“Bah, I was used to it,” Merlin grinned. “When we were back in Camelot, while the knights got changed in the armoury, Gwaine threw a small pouch of salt at me and explained that it was to keep the evil spirits away.”

“Ah yes, Gwaine, always the first to tease you.” Arthur grumbled.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of Gwaine!” Merlin laughed.

“Am not!” Arthur protested.

               It was a bit of a lie and they both knew it. He wasn’t jealous anymore, didn’t have any reason to, really. Gwaine was not around anymore and Merlin was clearly in love with Arthur, if the ring on his finger was anything to go by. But he couldn’t really deny that he had been jealous of Gwaine in Camelot. He had always been so close to Merlin and felt free to show his affection publicly in a way Arthur hadn’t been.

“Don’t worry,” Merlin reassured, kissing his cheek. “Even back then, I only had eyes for one giant prat.”

               That made Arthur blush but he tried to hide it by kissing Merlin swiftly on the mouth, keeping it short and sweet. They smiled brightly at each other, lost in their little bubble of happiness for a few minutes, before getting back to the story.

“When I told Gaius what we had found,” Merlin said. “He made me promise to never go back there and I did, easily. But the day after, I was ranting to him about you, about how I was done being nice to you when he asked me if Elyan had disturbed anything at the shrine. I told him I wasn’t sure, which was true. He then explained that he was worried about Elyan’s state. He wasn’t responding but didn’t show any physical sign of hurt. Also, he had a pile of salt at the foot of his bed.”

“Trying to ward off an evil spirit.” Arthur nodded, understanding.

“That’s what I told Gaius, yes,” Merlin replied. “Gaius feared that Elyan had disturbed a spirit at the shrine. He told me that I needed to warn you but I wasn’t sure you would believe me. He said that I had to make you believe me. Which, as we know, was really not your forte.”

“Yeah, well, you weren’t very convincing.” Arthur mumbled.

“But I was always right, you should probably have learned to listen to me by then but nooooooo.” Merlin taunted.

“Oh, shut up.” Arthur retorted, as he didn’t really have anything good to say back to that.

               Merlin simply grinned at him, obviously aware of Arthur’s lack of retort. Arthur just ignored him, in a perfectly mature way.

“Anyway,” Merlin continued, still grinning. “After Elyan got caught trying to kill you, I told Gaius how Agravaine was pushing for Elyan’s execution. I wanted to try and release Elyan from the spirit but for that, I needed to break him out of his cell to perform my magic without being seen. Gaius explained to me that Elyan needed to be unconscious when I tried to release the spirit and he warned me that Elyan wasn’t himself anymore, so he couldn’t be trusted. I used my magic to roll a barrel and lure the guards away from the cells, locking the door behind them and then I brought Elyan to the woods.”

“Let me guess,” Arthur interrupted. “We both know you didn’t succeed in releasing the spirit. You totally were way too trusting with Elyan, as usual.”

“Elyan told me I was braver than I looked and thanked me for getting him out,” Merlin mumbled, flushing bright red. “It’s not everyday someone recognised I was doing something good so it might have gone to my head a bit.”

               That made Arthur laugh but he also felt a twinge of guilt. It was true that he hadn’t acknowledged Merlin’s bravery and good deeds. He hadn’t known about most of them but those he had, he didn’t always reward or recognise directly. Sometimes, he had found a circumvoluted way to thank Merlin, but he had deserved better.

“I told him that I had to, because they were going to execute him and I knew that he wouldn’t hurt you of his own volition,” Merlin continued, his cheeks still pink. “I tried to make him drink water but he refused and knocked me out. Don’t you dare say anything.”

               Arthur lifted his hands in a sign of innocence, closing his mouth as he was trying to contain his laughter. Merlin glared at him for a minute, only relenting when he was sure Arthur wouldn’t say anything.

“When I got back, I told Gaius that I had felt a presence, just before Elyan knocked me out,” Merlin said. “Then Gaius asked me to take him to the shrine. So, we went and searched around, until I found a well. I heard some crying and screaming coming from inside. It was awful, I could feel that something terrible had happened there. I called for Gaius and told him as much. He explained that there were Druid’s markings and that he had found some arrows. He said that the spirit was probably seeking revenge for Uther’s crimes.”

               Arthur remembered how Gaius had explained it to him after Elyan had attacked him the second time, speaking with the voice of a child. He remembered how he had known that his father hadn’t been the one responsible, at least not directly, for the death of those people. He had known, when they had found the shrine. He had recognised the place but had tried to bury the memories deep inside his mind. He had been forced to relive them, then. It had both been freeing and a torture.

“Wait, that’s why you were hurt that day when you brought my lunch,” Arthur recalled. “That wound on your head, that was Elyan.”

“Well, yeah, but I couldn’t really tell you that, could I?” Merlin shrugged.

“You were lucky you were so clumsy that I would believe you were able to knock yourself out.” Arthur chuckled.

“Yeah, well, it’s part of my charm,” Merlin smiled brightly. “Anyway, I was about to eat your waste as I was bringing it back to the kitchens when I saw a guard knocked out. I immediately knew something was wrong, I dropped the plate and ran back to you. The doors were locked so I had to use magic to open them and that’s when I saw you and Elyan fight each other. And, well, you know the rest.”

               He did know. Arthur remembered the child’s voice coming from Elyan’s body. He had tried to sneak out in the night but of course Merlin had managed to follow him. He remembered his apology, how he had revealed that he had been the one responsible for all the deaths that had happened there and then, a miracle, a forgiveness he still wasn’t sure he deserved but had tried to be worthy of it every day after that. Maybe, listening to Merlin’s story, accepting all of him, was yet another way to atone for his past mistakes and become worthy of their pardon.

Chapter Text

               That night, Merlin was literally vibrating with excitement. He had a hard time thinking about anything else but the next day, his wedding day. Everything was in place. He had finished dealing with all the papers and appointments. All they needed to do was show up at the city hall on time and they would finally be married in the eyes of the law. As an immortal warlock, it seemed so little but it was more than he could have ever dreamed of. Being recognised, officially, as Arthur’s true love. It made his head spin and his heart hammer in his chest just thinking about it.

               As he looked at Arthur, sitting in bed with him, he could see his impatience and joy reflecting in the blue eyes looking at him with such love he thought he would spontaneously combust from the sheer force of it. Beneath all that elation, there was still a lingering nervousness and fear that maybe, Arthur would wake up the next day and decide that he didn’t want to be his and just leave him alone again. So, as he always did when he was stressed out, he relied on their usual banter.

“You know, tradition would not have us sleep in the same house, let alone the same bed, the night before our wedding,” he teased. “People say it’s bad luck.”

“As if you’ve ever cared about tradition,” Arthur taunted in return, hugging Merlin tightly against his side as if afraid that he would vanish. “I’m not letting you out of my sight ever again if I have a choice in the matter. You’re stuck with me now.”

               Those words brought a blinding smile on Merlin’s face, his nerves easing gradually as he read between the lines of what Arthur was saying. He was scared, just like Merlin, that they would get separated again. It eased something inside of him, knowing that Arthur wanted this just as much as he did. Merlin returned the embrace just as strongly, feeling the small tensions in Arthur’s body ebb away as he relaxed in his arms.

“That’s fine by me,” Merlin said. “Because you’re stuck with me as well, I’m never letting you get away from me, ever again.”

“Perfect,” Arthur replied, smiling against Merlin’s neck before planting a light kiss there.

               They stayed like that for a few moments, just enjoying each other’s presence and warmth, reassuring themselves that they were together and nothing would ever get between their love again. Their tight embrace relaxed minutely, bit by bit, until they both got back a bit so that they could see each other’s face. They exchanged soft smiles and a soft kiss, before settling comfortably under the sheets.

“You know, I think that this next story is perfect for tonight,” Merlin said, smiling.

“Really? How so?” Arthur asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

“Well, it’s the story of how you, once again, almost got yourself into an arranged marriage.” Merlin smirked.

“Oh, great,” Arthur said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s just get this over with, shall we?”

“It would be my pleasure, sire,” Merlin grinned. “So, as you may have already guessed, this story is about the time you decided that it would be a good idea to marry Princess Mithian. I really didn’t know what to do, because for me, you were fated to marry Gwen! But when I talked about it with Gaius, he just said that if it was, then it would happen.”

“Yes, that’s usually how fate works,” Arthur teased.

“You’re a prat,” Merlin deadpanned. “Anyway, I couldn’t just watch you get all lovey-dovey with her without doing anything so, I kind of… tried to sabotage you?”

“Oh gods, of course that was you,” Arthur groaned, hiding his face with his arm. “Making me spill food on myself or burp out of nowhere, really? That was the best you could come up with?”

“Well, I’m sorry for not being creative enough in my meddling with your love life,” Merlin mumbled, flushing in embarrassment. “It didn’t even work in the end because Mithian was much too good for this world.”

“She was a very fine woman,” Arthur admitted. “If my heart hadn’t already belonged to someone else, I could probably have grown to love her one day.”

“Oh, you think so, do you?” Merlin said, glaring at him.

“Are you jealous, Merlin?” Arthur asked. “Wait, were you jealous then too?”

               Merlin had been about to give a scathing retort at Arthur’s implication but his last words made him pause for a moment, thinking back to that time when Arthur had been courting Mithian. He tried to remember how he had felt, how he had been so adamant that Arthur couldn’t be with anyone but Gwen, because it was fate. He remembered how he had been so scared that, for once, Arthur might be able to fall in love with someone else, because Mithian was very different from any other princess he had been almost forced to marry.

               He had apparently been silent for too long, because Arthur gasped softly and his eyes widened, taking his absence of response as some kind of confirmation most likely.

“Oh gods, you were!” Arthur exclaimed.

“Well, I don’t really know for sure,” Merlin said quickly. “I just… well… thinking about it now… maybe I was? I mean… I was mostly fine with you marrying Gwen because I knew you loved her. I knew that our relationship could never become that at that time either. Gwen was just so nice, I knew she loved you too and, well, it was destiny so I couldn’t do anything about it anyway.”

“But Mithian wasn’t,” Arthur nodded in understanding. “Maybe I could have loved her at some point but I would have married her without it being real love. It wasn’t fated either, so you could have had some kind of impact on it.”

“Probably, yeah,” Merlin agreed, grimacing at the realisation. “I also knew that you wouldn’t be completely happy with her like you would be with Gwen and I guess some part of me that had more insight on what I was feeling was okay with not being with you as long as you were happy?”

“It… does make sense, in a way,” Arthur said, smiling gently.

“I guess it does, yeah,” Merlin nodded, blushing.

               He watched as Arthur’s smile turned even softer, his eyes shining with love, his expression so open and full of trust that it made Merlin’s inside squirm delightfully. He planted a small kiss on Arthur’s nose, then his cheeks and finally, his lips. It was very light and slow, just a soft touch to share their love without hinting at anything else. As they broke away, they shared matching smiles on their faces, feeling content with how far they had come.

“What happened next, then?” Arthur asked after a minute, voice quiet, trying not to break the softness of the moment.

“Well, as nothing I did seemed to work, I ranted to Gaius again but he wasn’t really listening to me so I just gave up,” Merlin said. “As I was preparing your things for the hunt, Mithian came to find me and asked if I wasn’t a fan of hunting as I was in a bad mood.”

“You never did like hunting, you and your soft heart,” Arthur teased.

“You were just a barbaric brute,” Merlin retorted, pinching his waist and making him squeak. “She had also noticed that I wasn’t a fan of hers either. I apologised to her, not wanting to cause offence and she told me that you valued my opinion above all others, even if you would be that last person to admit it.”

“She was much too observant,” Arthur grimaced slightly. “But she was right, you know? I did value your opinion. I still do.”

“I know,” Merlin smiled reassuringly. “I knew back then as well, even if you acted like a complete cabbage head most of the time.”

“Alright, I’ll give you that one, but only because we’re getting married tomorrow and I’m in a good mood,” Arthur sighed dramatically.

“How magnanimous of you,” Merlin laughed. “After that, she told me that she really liked you and asked me to give her a chance. I didn’t really say anything, just nodded as she left. I didn’t really know how to feel at the time, I wanted to despise her but she was so kind, it was very hard to.”

“I see what you mean, she was really good,” Arthur nodded. “I felt really bad when I had to let her down in the end.”

“It was for the best, for everyone,” Merlin said.

“I know,” Arthur smiled. “So, we left on the hunt after that, what then?”

“Oh yeah, well, I was looking at the deer you were chasing and I realised that it was actually Gwen,” Merlin explained. “So, I used magic to make you miss but I wasn’t fast enough to stop Mithian from hitting her.”

               Arthur’s eyes widened in shock and Merlin remembered belatedly that he hadn’t known about that little detail. Like with most of the magical things that had happened, that was why they were doing this, but maybe he should have been a bit less blunt when revealing that Arthur had almost killed Gwen because she had been transformed. He took hold of Arthur’s hand, squeezing it to try and ground him. Gwen had been fine in the end. It was all in the past.

“How… How did you know it was her?” Arthur asked, looking pale. “And why was she a deer?”

“Well, I don’t really know how I knew I just… looked into her eyes and saw Gwen?” Merlin replied, wincing. “That night, I went back into the forest to look for her. When I found her, I was able to change her back and heal her wound. She woke up completely panicked, asking where Morgana was and told me that she had enchanted her.”

               Arthur let out a long breath and Merlin felt his body relax against his. He buried his free hand in his soft blond locks, soothing the last of his fears with reassuring strokes.

“That’s why her ring was there that day,” Arthur said. “Thank the gods you were there to help her as well. I don’t think I could have forgiven myself if I had killed her.”

“It wouldn’t have been your fault, even if you had,” Merlin stressed out, looking straight into his eyes to convey his words better. “Do you hear me? None of it was your fault. It was Morgana.”

               Arthur simply nodded, his throat moving as he visibly swallowed. Merlin kept looking at him until he was satisfied that Arthur wouldn’t spiral back into guilt that wasn’t warranted. It seemed to work as some colour came back to Arthur’s face and his eyes cleared, coming back to the present. He squeezed Merlin’s hand back, giving him a small smile.

“I’m okay, thanks for helping me back,” Arthur said. “You can continue.”

“Alright,” Merlin nodded, not letting go of his hand. “So, as I was saying, Morgana had enchanted her. Gwen told me then that they were planning to take the citadel and that Agravaine had given Morgana some plans for the tunnels. I tried to get her to come back to Camelot with me but she refused. She just asked me to warn you and then she left.”

               Merlin watched as Arthur’s smile faltered, his jaw tightening and pain shining in his eyes. Then, the pain left a place for resignation and he sighed.

“You did try to warn me, but I didn’t listen, again,” Arthur said, looking up at him. “If I had listened to you, if I had put my trust in you more than in my uncle…”

“Stop it,” Merlin interrupted, covering Arthur’s mouth with his hand. “You couldn’t have known. Agravaine knew what he was doing, I didn’t have any proof of what I was saying. He knew how to talk to you, what to say to make you trust him. He used you and it wasn’t your fault. I already told you that, all those centuries ago, and I’m telling you again now. It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.”

               Arthur was looking at him in wonder, eyes glistening with unshed tears. He felt himself blush from the attention, letting his hand drop from Arthur’s mouth and waiting for him to say something, anything. The silence stretched out between them and Merlin was starting to feel restless but then, Arthur finally opened his mouth to say something.

“I love you,” Arthur said reverently.

               Of anything Merlin had imagined Arthur would say, it hadn’t been that. It took him by surprise, especially the note of wonder in his voice, taking his breath away.

“I love you too,” Merlin replied after finding his voice again.

               Arthur’s answering grin was brilliant and blinding. It made Merlin’s skin tingle as his magic rose to the surface, trying to burst out of him as he was submerged by so many emotions. He must have done a very poor job at containing it, because Arthur’s mouth dropped slightly open in wonder, his hand coming to rest on Merlin’s cheek.

“Your eyes are gold,” Arthur whispered. “And you’re glowing.”

               Merlin looked down at himself and noticed that he was indeed glowing. His magic was wrapped all around him, too intense to stay put just under his skin. He felt himself blush brightly at how his own magic was betraying his feelings. But then, Arthur’s hand lifted his chin back up, forcing him gently to look at him. He was smiling softly, eyes bright and joyful, and Merlin felt himself relax, allowing his magic to exist however it wanted. He was getting married to this man in just a few hours. Arthur was already well aware of how much Merlin loved him. He didn’t need to hide anymore, not his feelings, not his magic. He was finally, completely free.

Chapter Text

               If someone asked Arthur how he was feeling at this moment, he didn’t think he would be able to give a straight answer. The day had been a whirlwind of activity and emotions and Arthur still wasn’t completely sure if this wasn’t all a dream. He looked down at the golden band on his finger, matching the one adorning Merlin’s hand that was currently holding a glass of wine. Arthur focused his attention for a few seconds on the cool sensation of the metal against his skin, helping him acknowledge that all of this was real.

               His head was full of images of the day. How Merlin had looked, all dressed up in a beautiful blue suit that matched his eyes. Arthur had been wearing a red one, Pendragon’s colour obviously. They had gone to the city hall together that morning. The ceremony had been short, as they didn’t have any guests to attend it. It had only been the two of them, the officiant and two employees acting as witnesses. They had recited the official vows, nothing really personal, had exchanged the rings they had purchased together a few days before and had signed the papers. That was it then, they were officially married in the eyes of the law.

               Arthur smiled as he thought back to the next part of their day. If the official wedding hadn’t been that personal, Merlin had made sure that they still had something just for the two of them. He had led Arthur to a beautiful clearing near the Lake of Avalon, full of flowers brightly coloured. As he was more used to Merlin’s magic then, Arthur had thought he could also sense a bit of the magic from the place, which had been confirmed by his Warlock when asked about it. Merlin had explained that this was one of the last areas where magic was still abundant, probably thanks to the power of the Lake as well as Merlin’s own magic being used in the vicinity.

               Even though he was used to it by then, Merlin’s eyes turning gold still took his breath away. They had held each other’s hands in the middle of the clearing and Arthur had felt the wind pick up a bit, flower petals flying all around them in a magical way until they came together just above them, forming a purple ribbon. Arthur had been in awe of so much magic being displayed before him. He couldn’t help but notice how the ribbon’s colour was the exact mixing of both of their suit colours, bringing a watery smile to his face and making his heart beat harder inside his chest. The piece of silk had gently floated down and wrapped around their joined hands, binding them together. Then, he had looked into Merlin’s golden eyes, love and warmth flowing inside of him at the look of pure adoration on his face. They had exchanged their real vows there, no other witness than the wind, the flowers, the sky and the magic, all around them. He had tried to imagine all of their friends and loved ones there with them, trying to guess how they would have reacted. In his vision, they were all happy, smiling at them and cheering. It didn’t matter if their voices had wavered during their vows, too full of emotions, or if some tears had escaped their eyes without being wiped away. It had been their moment, frozen in time, theirs alone for all eternity. Arthur had felt the magic binding them together, even stronger than how they had already been linked by destiny as this time, it was their choice. It had been the most beautiful, powerful and happiest moment of his life.

               They had gotten home then, drunk on love and joy, unable to keep their hands off of each other. They had fallen into bed immediately but had slowed down, taking their time to feel and take everything in. They had peeled off each layer of clothing gently, almost reverently, taking care to touch and kiss every inch of skin that was uncovered. They had rediscovered each other anew, even though they already knew every crook, nerves, bumps and scars by heart. It had felt like the first time and the millionth time all in the same. It had been a slow build, the journey and the togetherness more important than reaching the peak. It had lasted much longer than any other time, neither of them wanting to end the moment, until they couldn’t hold back anymore and let the wave of pleasure and love wash over them, almost drowning with the force of the tide but holding each other through it all, grounding themselves.

               And there they were, a few hours later, having eaten a late dinner and enjoying a glass of wine in bed with their arms still around each other. Arthur sighed contentedly, closing his eyes to try and hold on to the phantom sensation on his skin for a bit longer. A chuckle sounded on his left and he opened one eye to look at his new husband – and if that wasn’t just the most perfect word in the universe – who was looking at him with a smirk on his face, somehow softened by the warmth in his eyes.

“What are you laughing at?” Arthur asked.

“Nothing, really,” Merlin grinned. “You just look happy.”

“Well, I am happy,” Arthur replied. “Are you?”

               He hadn’t really meant to sound insecure about it, especially not after the day they had lived, but somehow a bit of doubt could still be heard in the tremor of his voice. He hoped that Merlin wouldn’t notice but of course, Merlin always did.

“I am the happiest man on Earth right now,” Merlin murmured, looking straight into Arthur’s eyes with the softest of smiles on his face.

“That can’t be true,” Arthur said. “Because I’m pretty certain that man is me.”

               That made Merlin laugh and it sounded like music to Arthur’s ears. He loved hearing Merlin’s laugh, even more so when he was the one responsible for it.

“Alright, let’s agree that we can both be the happiest men on Earth then,” Merlin suggested, eyes twinkling with joy.

“I’m okay with that,” Arthur nodded. As it was, he would probably agree to anything Merlin asked of him at that moment.

“So, seeing as this is our wedding night,” Merlin started, his smile growing even more – if possible – at the words, “do you still want to hear a story?”

“Well, if you’re feeling up to it, yes, I would love to,” Arthur said.

“Alright, let’s see… Ah yes, this next one isn’t necessarily a fun one to begin with but it speaks of victory, hope and love,” Merlin explained.

“I think that’s perfect for a night like this,” Arthur replied, kissing Merlin’s hand.

“It takes place the night Morgana invaded Camelot with the help of the tunnel plans that had been stolen by Agravaine,” Merlin recounted. “As we were going to the infirmary, some mercenaries almost got to us but I used magic to make the torches’ flames bigger and slow them down. I knew you would never agree to leave the castle under any circumstances but we needed to get you out as I knew Morgana would kill you as soon as she got her hands on you. I asked Gaius if we could give you anything to make you sleep but he didn’t have anything strong enough at hand. So… he suggested that I put a spell on you to… make you lose your free will…”

               Merlin’s cheeks were tinted red and he was looking sheepishly at Arthur, as if afraid of what his reaction might be. At first, Arthur thought he should be angry at Merlin for using his magic against him in such a way, as others had done it before to harm him and his people. However, it was really hard to muster any form of anger in his current blissful state. And as he really thought about it, he realised that they didn’t have much of a choice back then and that Merlin had basically saved his life once more, no matter how questionable his method had been.

“I’m not really happy to hear that you’ve used magic on me like that,” Arthur started, carrying on quickly as Merlin’s smile faltered. “But I understand that you were in a dire situation and didn’t have much of a choice. You also saved my life again while doing it so I’m grateful. If I had died that day, Camelot would have fallen and everything would have been lost.”

“Well, I’m glad you see it that way,” Merlin smiled gratefully, squeezing Arthur’s hand in a silent ‘thank you’. “I enchanted you when Gaius was fixing your shoulder. Then, we fled to the woods with Percival and were joined by Elyan. I was suggesting that we should go to Ealdor when I heard some horses behind us. Agravaine and Morgana with their men had followed us. She used magic to throw us down but we managed to get up and make a run for it. Percival and Elyan stayed behind to buy us some time.”

               Arthur smiled as he thought about his knights, his friends, some of the bravest, most loyal people he had ever known. They would have done anything to protect Camelot. To protect him too, he knew, even though he had always had some trouble acknowledging it back then. He still did, sometimes.

“I knew we needed to disguise you, as you were much too recognisable dressed as a knight,” Merlin continued. “We found a house where some clothes were hanging outside and you got changed. Then, we came across a large group of people. I was observing them but their leaders found us and asked what we were doing there. I told them that we were travellers and that you were just a simpleton, under my protection. I asked them if we could travel with them and offered to pay with your gold, so they agreed.”

“That’s how we ended up travelling with smugglers then,” Arthur drawled out, head reeling with everything Merlin had just revealed.

“Yep!” Merlin exclaimed, smiling innocently as if he could fool Arthur with his angelic act. “And in my defence, I didn’t know they were smugglers at first. I only discovered it while helping them unpack for the night.”

“That doesn’t make it look any better, if you thought it would,” Arthur said, quirking an eyebrow at Merlin who simply stuck his tongue at him like the child he still was deep down.

“Anyway, while we were eating, I told you that you were usually rude and insensitive and that you didn’t realise how hard I worked for you,” Merlin explained. “And I must say that simpleton you was much nicer than real you, because you actually apologised to me and promised to try harder. You even did the dishes!”

“Oh gods, you’re so dramatic,” Arthur teased before turning serious. “But I guess you were right. I wasn’t always acting in the best way and I already apologised to you for that since I came back but I will do it again. I am deeply sorry for how I used to treat you back in Camelot and for never truly acknowledging everything that you did for me. You deserved all the praises and I’ll make sure to remind you how precious you are to me every day for the rest of my life.”

“You’re such a prat,” Merlin said, voice wobbly and eyes shining. “You’ve already said your vows today, don’t try to make me emotional again.”

“I’m sorry,” Arthur chuckled. “Please, do continue your story, my love.”

               A beautiful blush crept up to Merlin’s cheeks and if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing Arthur had ever seen, he didn’t know what was. Except perhaps when Merlin’s eyes turned gold as he used magic. Or when he laughed so hard he almost cried. Or when he was reading a book on the couch, dressed in some comfy pyjamas. Or when he danced around the house, with or without music. Or… well, Merlin was always beautiful, no matter what he did and it would take all eternity to list it all.

“Obviously, that didn’t last long and you were back to normal the next morning,” Merlin chuckled. “As you already know what happened after that, I’ll just skip ahead to when Agravaine found us in Ealdor. I used my magic to make a cart move and light it on fire to try and slow them down and give us time to flee. While you were running to the caves, I called for Kilgharrah and asked him to attack them. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough and I had to go back and lure them away from you all but we came to a dead end. Agravaine asked me where you were and I warned him to be careful. He threatened to kill me but when he tried to move closer, I threw them all away with magic.”

               Arthur could feel Merlin’s grip tighten on his hand and he saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed visibly. Arthur realised that Merlin had probably killed all those men back then, as he had been forced to do multiple times over the years in order to protect his loved ones, Camelot and him. He understood the toll it had taken on him, how it still weighed on his conscience even after a millennium. As a knight, Arthur had been taught early on that death would always be a part of his life, that you had to kill people sometimes to protect your kingdom, enemies fell into battle, bandits needed to be stopped. Merlin had been a farm boy before coming to Camelot. To him, death was something that befell people who were sick, hungry or cold. It was something that happened to those around him but was never responsible for it directly. He hadn’t been prepared for it and he cared so much about life, probably because of how his magic was linked to it. Using it as a weapon to harm others when it should have been helping improve people’s lives… it had obviously been difficult. And no matter how he had tried to harden his heart, he still saw and felt the blood on his hands, the same way Arthur always would because of his bad decisions and lack of judgement.

“It’s okay,” Arthur tried to reassure, knowing how much Merlin needed to hear those words even if he didn’t always believe them. “You did what you had to do, you protected yourself, us and all of Camelot.”

               Merlin looked at him with sad eyes, tears shining in them but not spilling out. Then, with one last squeeze of his hand, he steeled himself and picked up the story.

“I thought it was done but Agravaine got up. He had seen my magic and he knew right away that I was Emrys,” Merlin explained. “He laughed at how I had deceived you and said that we were more alike than he had thought. He offered me his hand but I warned him to stay away. But then, he suddenly tried to stab me with a dagger so I threw him back again. This time, he didn’t get back up.”

“I’m glad you were the one to end it,” Arthur said softly, playing with Merlin’s fingers. “I don’t like how it made you feel but if anyone had any right to dispose of that bastard it was you. I’m not sure how I would have felt if I had needed to do it myself.”

“Glad I could help,” Merlin smiled, but it didn’t completely reach his eyes.

               Arthur didn’t know what else to say in order to ease the turmoil inside Merlin’s head so he simply did what he knew best. He put their wine glasses on the bedside table and hugged Merlin tightly to his chest, stroking his hair soothingly. He felt the man relax in his arms, his warm breaths hitting his neck steadily. Arthur just held him tight, letting Merlin decide when he was ready to move away, offering all of his warmth and comfort, hoping that it would be enough. After a few minutes, he felt Merlin move and he relaxed his hold, letting him get in a comfortable position. Soft lips touched his cheek in a sweet kiss that made him smile. It was all the thanks he needed.

“When we were in the woods,” Merlin continued, as if nothing happened. “I summoned Kilgharrah to tell him that you had lost your will to be king and that I didn’t know how to help you. He said that only I could help you find your faith again by making you believe you could be king once more. So, I asked him if he knew where Camelot’s people were and we went to go search for them.”

“And then, you woke me up to tell me a ludicrous story about a sword in a stone that only the rightful king of Camelot could pull out,” Arthur said, his eyes widening in understanding. “That’s where you put the sword after using it against the immortal army! You thrust it into a stone! And then, you invented a whole tale just to make me believe I was the rightful king of Camelot!”

               It all made sense, suddenly. Why his people had been there, how he had never heard of such a legend, nor anyone else in the kingdom. He hadn’t really thought about it logically then, too preoccupied by his kingdom’s fate. He also hadn’t known about Merlin’s magic and couldn’t have possibly linked them together. The man in question seemed to be lost between laughing or cowering, apparently unsure on how Arthur was feeling, which he didn’t know himself.

“I can’t decide if I’m furious with you for making me believe such a tale or if I should thank you for helping me get my kingdom back and the unshakable faith you had in me,” Arthur shook his head in disbelief. “I also can’t decide if you are a genius or a complete fool!”

“Well, it wasn’t completely a lie,” Merlin said sheepishly. “You were destined to be Albion’s greatest ruler, the Once and Future King that would unite the land, which you did. The sword was also made for you, it belonged to you and no one else was allowed to wield it.”

“You are unbelievable,” Arthur chuckled, not sure how much more he could love this stupidly amazing man. “But alright, I’ll give you that one. But only because we won in the end.”

“Thank you so much for your leniency, my lord,” Merlin deadpanned, though the corner of his mouth was twitching. “When we were discussing our plan to reclaim Camelot, you mentioned how Morgana’s magic was going to be a big obstacle and it gave me an idea. I used the ageing spell to enter Camelot undetected, knocked out a guard with magic and enchanted a straw puppet to temporarily block Morgana’s powers. Then, I went into Gaius’ chambers to get the potion to change back and used the guard’s clothes to get out again as my normal self.”

“How many times did you use that spell exactly? Was it the only way you knew to disguise yourself?”

“Well, um…” Merlin blushed brightly, confusing Arthur. “Let’s just finish with this story and we’ll see about the rest another time, alright?”

               Arthur nodded, feeling like he was missing something important but unable to know what just yet. Merlin seemed grateful to drop the subject though, so he didn’t insist and simply stored that piece of information to try and understand later.

“When Morgana fled the throne room after realising her magic didn’t work, Gwen and I chased after her. I used my magic to make some stones from the ceiling fall on her and then she just disappeared.”

“And Isolde gave her life for me…” Arthur remembered. “I can still see her in Tristan’s arms, asking him to hold her…”

               That image triggered another memory, much more recent, for him anyway as it had been just before his death. How Merlin hadn’t been able to carry him anymore, how they had fallen on the grass and the only thing he had wanted at that moment was for Merlin to hold him. He had felt safe in his arms, the feelings he had denied for a decade bubbling to the surface in that last moment and he had selfishly asked Merlin to hold him. How ironic, that he had died in part in the same way as the person who had saved his life and helped him reclaim his throne that day. Had it been some kind of sign from fate?

“You know,” Merlin said, interrupting Arthur’s reminiscing. “Tristan and Isolde’s story is a legend nowadays. Just like the story of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.”

“Really? And is it accurate?” Arthur asked, surprised.

“As much as yours is, I’d say.” Merlin chuckled. “One thing that stayed true to the real Tristan and Isolde was how much they loved each other. I think it’s one of the oldest love stories ever told. It inspired many other love stories later.”

“Well, I’m glad that they were remembered for that at least,” Arthur smiled. “That their love could inspire many people. I think they would have been happy about that.”

“Yeah, I hope they would have been,” Merlin agreed.

Chapter Text

               When Merlin had woken up that morning, he hadn’t been able to temp down the big smile stretching his lips. He was married. To Arthur. He was Arthur’s husband. The word had floated around in his mind the whole day as he felt completely blissed out thinking about it. They hadn’t done much, spending most of their time in bed, hugging, kissing, talking and loving each other. It was their own little honeymoon and Merlin was enjoying it thoroughly.

               Images of their wedding day kept flashing back inside his head, making him smile giddily. It had been so beautiful. Arthur had been more handsome than ever and the magic of the world had blessed their union happily. Merlin had felt it. His magic had sung happily and he had felt alight with warmth and love throughout the whole ceremony. If he closed his eyes, he could almost taste it again, feel it on his skin, in his bones.

               He could still picture the look Arthur had given him, the utter love and affection reflected in those sky-blue eyes which had widened slightly in surprise when he had noticed the sigil pinned to Merlin’s suit. It had been worth it, if only to see the tenderness that had filled Arthur’s eyes then as well as the slightly misty look he had given Merlin.

               As he kept thinking about their day, he remembered how he had felt as if all of their loved ones had been watching them. Magic had been so strong in that moment, binding them for all eternity and he had felt it. A slight change in the air, a vibration coming from the lake. Maybe it had only been his imagination but he hoped that they had been there in some way to witness their happiness, at last.

               A pair of strong arms encircling his waist and a warm chest touching his back brought him back to the present. He smiled and turned around in the loose circle of Arthur’s arms, meeting familiar blue eyes that shone with mirth and love. Arthur looked so happy, he was positively glowing with it, taking Merlin’s breath away. They didn’t say anything, just kept looking in each other’s eyes, matching idiotic smiles on their faces.

“I still can’t believe we are married,” Merlin said. “After all this time…”

“Took us long enough, right?” Arthur grinned teasingly.

“Well, you always were a bit slow on the uptake.” Merlin taunted back.

“You little shit!” Arthur exclaimed, pouncing on Merlin and making him laugh out loud.

               They rolled around on the bed for a few minutes, each taking the advantage of the other at some point, until Merlin used his magic to help him pin Arthur down on the mattress.

“That’s cheating.” Arthur said, breathless.

               Merlin didn’t say anything, only smirking when he noticed how Arthur was staring at his eyes that were still golden with magic. At that point, he was well aware of how his King reacted to him doing magic, especially with the way his eyes glowed. It made him preen to know that Arthur’s breathlessness was not only due to their rolling around and how he had come a long way since their time in Camelot.

“Stop looking so smug,” Arthur pouted. “It’s unfair of you to use that against me and you know it.”

“Use what?” Merlin asked, trying his best to look innocent.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Arthur said, poking Merlin’s ribs.

“I assure you I have no idea what you’re talking about, my lord.” Merlin insisted.

“You drive me bonkers,” Arthur groaned. “You know damn well what you do to me every time you use your magic like that.”

“Oh, I see,” Merlin smirked. “I apologise for the inconvenience. I shall not do it again.”

“Idiot,” Arthur shook his head in exasperation. “Now, I believe it’s time for my bedtime story.”

“Oh, is it?” Merlin asked. “Well then, I shall begin.”

“Are you going to stay on me to do it?” Arthur asked, flushing slightly.

“Why, yes. I am very comfortable here.” Merlin nodded solemnly, making Arthur blush even more. “Where shall I begin… Oh, yes! This happened when we went on a quest to find Gwaine and the knights that had disappeared during one mission, taken by Morgana. We came to a village where everyone was dead but I heard a voice calling for me, for Emrys, and followed it to a cave. There was a man lying on a stone there, his hand in the water. He had a druid symbol on the wrist with a yellow mark on it. I thought he was dead but when I touched him, he suddenly woke up. I asked him what had happened in the village but he simply said that what mattered was that it had happened at all. He told me that he had had a vision. Albion’s fall was coming and the prophecies talked about your bane.”

“My bane?” Arthur asked, intrigued. “What did he mean by that?”

“I didn’t understand it either,” Merlin said, trembling as he lost himself in his memories of that day. “But then, his hand fell back in the water and I saw a battlefield with a young man facing you before planting a sword through your chest.”

               The memories came flooding back inside his head, making him feel the sheer panic that had coursed through him at that moment. The awful fear that he was witnessing Arthur’s death with no idea how to prevent it from happening, until the man himself had come inside the cave and broken him out of the horrifying vision.

               It was that same man who brought him back to the present with warm, calloused hands stroking his sides comfortingly. His eyes focused on the blond hair and blue eyes that he cherished, feeling the strong body beneath him, full of heat and life. Merlin took a deep, steadying breath, taking Arthur’s hands in his and lacing their fingers together, grounding himself. Arthur gave him a small, encouraging smile which Merlin returned, feeling steadier.

“I get why you had trouble sleeping and were so on edge during the whole journey.” Arthur murmured comfortingly.

“Yeah, I didn’t know what to do,” Merlin nodded. “So, I turned to the only being I thought could give me some guidance. I left the camp and called for Kilgharrah. He explained that the man I saw had been a Seer. When I told him about the vision, he said that the power of prophecy was great and that it had not been a chance meeting. He said that I needed to use that knowledge and that I was the only one who could keep you safe.”

“Well, you usually were.” Arthur smirked.

“I was, wasn’t I?” Merlin replied, trying not to think too much about how he had failed to do it in the end. “Later, when we were in Annis’ kingdom, I used my magic to juggle some eggs for the Queen.”

“Oh, I knew you couldn’t have done that on your own!” Arthur exclaimed. “You cheat!”

“Well, what did you want me to do?” Merlin asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know perfectly well how clumsy I can be and you were the one who put me in that position.”

               Arthur didn’t say anything in reply, simply grumbled under his breath. Merlin grinned at that, glad that he was still able to shut Arthur up after all this time.

“Anyway, because we couldn’t be that lucky for too long, we were attacked later by Morgana’s men and you got knocked out. I took you away from the fight but a soldier rode after us. I conjured a snake to scare his horse and was able to flee with you.”

“That’s when we were captured and met Mordred.” Arthur seemed to recall, grimacing.

“And that was when I recognised him from the vision I had seen.” Merlin explained with a pained voice.

“Oh…” Arthur realised. “That’s why you were so afraid of him… Merlin, I’m so sorry you had to take on yet another burden for me…”

               Merlin shook his head, eyes closed, trying to stop the tears from gathering behind his lids at the memories. He gripped Arthur’s hands tighter, trying to stay grounded and not spiral back into the past. Arthur’s thumbs ran soothing circles on the back of his hands as he was patiently waiting for him to settle down and Merlin couldn’t be more grateful for this wonderful man. He took several deep breaths before opening his eyes again and continuing his story.

“That night, while everyone was asleep, Mordred came to give me some food,” He explained. “When I asked him why he was doing it, he said that you had saved his life. He also said that he knew I was scared but he thought I was afraid that he would reveal my magic to you. I asked him what Morgana was looking for in Ismere and he told me that it was the Diamair, which was supposed to be the key to all knowledge.”

“Knowledge is power.” Arthur nodded in understanding.

“Yes, exactly.” Merlin confirmed. “When we escaped, I used my magic to make one of the soldiers fall from his horse and then again to help break the ice edge, preventing Mordred from jumping to join us.”

“I remember,” Arthur said, eyes sad. “You were so angry when I spared his life. I didn’t get it at the time, I saw that you were scared but I couldn’t fathom why. Now I understand.”

“You couldn’t have known, it didn’t make any sense to you,” Merlin reassured him. “I was just… terrified and not thinking straight.”

“Probably,” Arthur agreed. “But had I been in your place, I would have been in the same state as you, maybe even worse.”

               That didn’t really make Merlin feel better, but he was aware that his vision of himself was a bit skewed and that he was biassed when it came to Arthur as well. But he felt warm all over because Arthur was looking at him in earnest and was doing his best to try and make him feel better. He was thankful for that. Maybe, after hearing it often enough, he would start to really believe it.

“When we entered Morgana’s fortress, Aithusa was there,” Merlin continued, his heart hurting when he thought about the white dragon. “I went after her and she tried to burn me, but I used my Dragonlord’s powers to stop her. I asked her what had happened but I realised that she couldn’t speak. I heard you behind us so I tried to get her to leave but I ended up ordering it before you could see.”

“It must have been hard,” Arthur said sympathetically. “To see her hurt like that…”

“Yeah…” Merlin nodded, swallowing hard. “I felt responsible for her… but she had chosen Morgana and I couldn’t force her to leave.”

“It was very selfless of you.” Arthur smiled.

“If you say so,” Merlin chuckled wetly. “After that, we faced Morgana and I was about to use my magic to stop her from killing you but Mordred stabbed her before I could. I passed out, watching him take you away. I woke up as a strange creature was healing me. I understood that it was the Diamair Morgana had been looking for. I felt sorry for it, as knowledge can be both a blessing and a curse. The Diamair asked me if there was anything I wished to ask but I didn’t think it would do any good. It said I was wise for it but I still had one question. If Mordred wasn’t your bane, then who was?”

“And what did the Diamair tell you?” Arthur asked.

“That it was yourself…” Merlin answered.

               Arthur got a faraway look, seeming to ponder what Merlin had just revealed. In the end, he didn’t say anything, simply squeezed Merlin’s hands and nodded at him to continue telling his story.

“After Mordred’s knighting, I spoke with him,” Merlin said. “I told him that things would have been very different if you had known about his magic and I asked him why he had saved your life. He said that it was because you were right, that the love between us all was more important than the power we wielded and that Morgana had forgotten that. Later, I told Gaius about my worries concerning Mordred who said that I should give him a chance. I reminded him that Kilgharrah had told me that you would die at a druid’s hand and he asked if I thought it was Mordred. I said that all I knew was that the dice was cast then.”

               Arthur didn’t say anything to that, simply looking at Merlin with love and understanding. He unclasped their hands, putting them on Merlin’s back and bringing him down to lie on his chest. Merlin let out a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding, relaxing in Arthur’s warm embrace. They stayed like that, not uttering a single word and simply taking comfort in one another.

“You carried a weight much too heavy for one being,” Arthur whispered, stroking Merlin’s back tenderly. “I am sorry that I wasn’t able to help you with it. But I want you to know that I am so very proud of you, for everything you went through. I am thankful for everything you did for Camelot, for me. You still are the bravest man I’ve ever known. We all make some questionable choices but we can only make them with the information and help we are given. I know you did your best with what you had and that’s enough for me. I love you, Merlin. Never, ever forget that.”

               Arthur’s words soothed something inside of Merlin’s chest, a wound that was still only half healed. He closed his eyes, a few tears escaping them, and hugged the man in his arms tightly. He didn’t know if he really believed all of Arthur’s words yet, but he would try his best. He wanted to and that was really the first step. He knew that Arthur would be there with him, every step of the way. The golden band weighing on his finger was proof of that. For the moment, it was more than enough.

Chapter Text

               That night, Arthur was still pondering on everything Merlin had revealed the night before. A new piece had been added to the big puzzle that was their history in Camelot, a very big one that shed light on why Merlin had been acting the way he had in their last year together. Arthur felt his heart break inside his chest as he thought about everything Merlin must have carried and hid from almost everyone he loved for so many years. As he had said the night before, knowledge was power. But having such knowledge and being unable to share it with others was just a festering burden. Adding to that the fact that Merlin couldn’t be certain if anything he did would prevent the things he feared most from happening and that the few people who knew about them too didn’t or couldn’t help him, it had been a recipe for disaster.

               For the hundredth time since they had begun this little ritual, Arthur tried to imagine what he would have done if he had been in Merlin’s shoes. He wasn’t sure he would have handled things quite as well as Merlin had. He most likely would have crumbled under the weight of so much pressure. He had almost done that himself several times when he was a Prince and then a King. If it hadn’t been for Merlin staying faithfully by his side, he would have broken down long before he even became King. He always had Merlin with him through all of this while Merlin had been on his own, mostly.

              How the world had been cruel to the young warlock, everyone around him having all these expectations and judging everything he did all the time. Having to navigate so many prophecies, saving the people he loved all while having to hide a giant part of himself lest his friends turned their back on him, his enemies used that knowledge against him or his kingdom condemned him to death for something he had been born with.

              Arthur was once more hit by how unfair and awful the laws in Camelot had been regarding magic. It was moments like these when he wished that he could go back in time and shake some sense into his younger self, to try and open his eyes to the reality of the world and how he was hurting the only person who had given almost everything to him, his life, his loyalty, his magic, his love and his friendship.

“I can hear you think from here, stop it,” a voice coming from the other side of the bed teased. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

               Arthur looked up to the man who was monopolising his thoughts. He was sitting against his pillows, a thick book in his hands. He hadn’t looked up at Arthur when he had spoken but it was clear he wasn’t reading anymore, with the way his eyes sparkled with mischief and his lips were stretched in a small smirk.

“You’re so very funny Merlin.” Arthur drawled, internally grateful for the distraction from his gloomy thoughts.

“I am, aren’t I?” Merlin grinned, finally closing his book and putting it on the bedside table, giving Arthur his full attention.

“Shut up.” Arthur replied.

“Awww, you’re so mean!” Merlin whined. “I have no idea why I ever agreed to marry you. Well then, if you want me to shut up then no story for you tonight, mister.”

“You married me because you love me,” Arthur smiled, “and that’s also why you will tell me a story.”

               Merlin made a show of thinking about it deeply. Arthur took this time to admire the man he finally had the privilege to call his husband. He would never tire of looking at Merlin, he was just so beautiful. He felt so blessed to have been given the chance to finally admit that to himself and act on it.

“I suppose I do love you,” Merlin sighed. “Alright, I’ll tell you your story, because I am a very magnanimous man and a loving husband.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Arthur sniggered.

“Hey! Be nice or no bedtime story!” Merlin exclaimed.

“Okay, I’m sorry!” Arthur laughed. “I’m listening, my dear loving husband.”

               Merlin smiled in obvious self-satisfaction and Arthur felt his heart swell with all the love he felt for this wonderful man.

“This one will probably be a bit shorter I guess,” Merlin said. “You were there for most of it. Do you remember the Horn of Cathbhadh?”

               Arthur shivered when he heard the name, remembering very well what had happened after he had saved the old woman from the pyre and she had given him a magical horn. He remembered how he had debated using it for days after being told of its powers before finally deciding to use it. He remembered the look on his father’s face when he had entered the spirit world, how disappointed he had been with his choices and the way he wanted to reign. He remembered how hurt he had felt, how his hope of having made his father proud had crumbled with just a few words.

               Thinking back on it, after having taken a step back on his father’s reign and learnt every horrible thing he had done for his own selfish gain, he felt almost proud that Uther had been so disappointed in him. It showed how different he was from his father and how he had succeeded in distancing himself from his cruel ways. He might not have done enough for the magical community, but could still be happy to have made his kingdom a happier and more peaceful place than his father ever had.

“Oh yes,” He answered. “I remember it very well.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Merlin winced. “Well, after the incident with the candelabra falling on the Round Table during a meeting, I felt a strange wind in the corridor. Later, when Gaius was treating Percival’s shoulder, he explained that he had felt a presence before getting hit by the axe. I was starting to feel very on edge and I couldn’t help but think about what you had done, that maybe all this wasn’t just a coincidence. Of course, Gaius could see that there was something I wasn’t telling him and he confronted me about it. So, I told him that we had gone to the stones and that I had tried to stop you. But you always were more stubborn than a mule.”

               Arthur glared at him when Merlin shot him a knowing smirk but couldn’t really say anything against that statement as it had been particularly true in that instance. So, he decided to act like that mature, grown up man he was and stuck his tongue at Merlin who just laughed before carrying on with the story.

“I told Gaius that I had felt a presence just like Percival had described after the candelabra had fallen on the table,” Merlin said. “He explained that, during the time of the Old Religion, the priestesses trained for a long time before using the Horn and that they were never to look back or they would release the spirit.”

“Which was exactly what I had done…” Arthur added, feeling guilty as he was reminded of how he had made another bad choice.

               As he was starting to fall back into self-depreciation, he felt a warm hand take his own and squeeze his fingers comfortingly. He looked up at Merlin who was smiling so tenderly at him that it was almost too painful to bear but he was entranced by the blue of his eyes, so deep he felt like he would drown into them. He wouldn’t really be mad about that. It would be a glorious way to die.

               He was brought back to the present once more when he felt Merlin take his hand and lock their pinkies together, staring meaningfully at him. The simple gesture reminded Arthur of when Merlin had taught him about that little modern tradition, just a few nights before. He remembered the promise he had made then, that he would not let his guilt get the better of him.

               Arthur smiled, feeling warmth and love wash away the guilt that had settled in his guts and squeezed their pinkies together to show that the message had been heard, loud and clear. Merlin’s answering smile was so bright it was almost blinding and Arthur’s breath was taken away once again by how beautiful that man was. And Arthur was the lucky sod who had put a ring on it.

               They didn’t exchange any words. They hadn’t needed them to express their feelings for a very long time, long before their relationship even became romantic. Their faces and gestures said it all and they were so attuned to the other’s mood that words were often unnecessary. They simply looked at each other, unlocking their pinkies but immediately taking hold of the other’s hand, and settled back in their previous positions to continue the story in silent agreement.

“As we were searching for your father’s spirit, we had to split up. I heard some noise in a store room but when I went inside to inspect it, the door closed behind me and everything started to fall around me. I was able to escape and ran straight to the throne room where I found you unconscious on the ground with Uther’s spirit coming at you. I ordered him to stop, getting between you two to protect you. Then, he tried to hit me with a bench but I stopped it with magic.”

“You used magic in front of my father’s spirit?!” Arthur screamed in shock. “What were you thinking?!”

“Well, I was thinking that I needed to protect you and that he couldn’t really do me much harm as he was, well, dead.” Merlin explained, looking sheepish.

“Unbelievable.” Arthur shook his head at seeing yet another instance of how Merlin had been the worst at keeping his magic secret.

“He was furious, obviously,” Merlin continued. “I also told him that you were a better and more worthy king than he had ever been.”

               Arthur’s heart sang with how much he loved this man. He also felt completely undeserving of all the loyalty and faith that Merlin had always shown for him even then but the warm hand still holding his helped dissipate that feeling, as well as the little cold spot he could feel from the ring on Merlin’s finger, a sure reminder of how far they had come.

“After that, he disappeared through the door of the throne room and I followed him,” Merlin said. “I arrived in the armoury and used magic to light the torches. I couldn’t see him anywhere but then, out of nowhere, two spears flew at me and I got stuck to the wall.”

“I remember,” Arthur took over. “I was so scared when I saw you trapped with my father looking like he was about to kill you. He tried to tell me something then, just before I blew the Horn to send him back. He was going to warn me about your magic, right?”

“Yeah,” Merlin nodded. “I’m not sure if I was grateful that he didn’t have the time or a bit disappointed that yet another occasion of finally sharing that secret with you had been taken away.”

“Well, I’m glad he didn’t tell me.” Arthur said. “I can’t be sure of how I would have reacted, but I’m almost certain that I would have been pissed. I was already feeling so bad about what my father had said about my choices, what he had tried to do to the people I care about and at the same time so sad at having to watch him disappear and leave me again… It would have been too much. And I also think that you deserved to be the one to tell me about it in your own time.”

“Ha, look how well that went.” Merlin replied.

               Arthur smiled at how forlorn Merlin looked, how adorable he was when he pouted like that. He took the hand he was still holding to his face and kissed each finger tenderly before pressing his lips to the ring glinting there. He looked back up at Merlin who was watching him with awe.

“Well, I don’t know about you,” Arthur grinned. “But I think it went better than we could have ever imagined. Don’t you?”

               Merlin’s bright smile was answer enough, as was the way he let go of Arthur’s hand to grab his hair and kiss the breath off his lips with so much love and passion that it felt like they were drowning together. What a lovely way to die, wasn’t it?

Chapter Text

“Could you turn yourself into a fish?” Arthur asked.

               They were sitting in bed, Merlin’s computer sitting in front of them as they were watching a movie. After having learned that his story had become a legend told and retold in many different ways, Arthur had wanted to know them all and Merlin had been helpless to refuse. He had first given him some books that he had acquired during his lonely years and Arthur had been appalled at what some authors had written about him, especially concerning his relationship with Morgana and Mordred. Although, he had apparently found it very funny that what history had remembered of Merlin was his older self, Dragoon. Merlin could only be grateful that the name itself had been forgotten, he didn’t know if he could have endured the humiliation for centuries.

               That evening though, Merlin had decided that he needed Arthur to feel a bit humiliated too and that was how they found themselves watching The Sword in the Stone. At first, Merlin had needed to bear Arthur’s laughing at the depiction of his character although he had soon joined him in his laughter, especially with his interactions with the owl Archimede. But then, Arthur’s character had been introduced. It had been hilarious to witness Arthur’s outrage at being depicted as a poor, scrawny boy with no skill in combat and as a lousy squire to Sir Kay of all people.

               Though he was trying to show discontent, it was clear that Arthur was secretly enjoying the movie and couldn’t hold back his laughter which would burst out of him involuntarily. However, of everything that had happened in the story, this wasn’t the question Merlin had been prepared for hearing from Arthur.

“Well, I’ve never really tried,” Merlin answered. “I guess I could? I mean, until now there’s never really been anything I couldn’t do.”

“Even after you saw this, you didn’t even think to try?” Arthur asked, looking shocked.

“Um… no, not really,” Merlin said.

“But you live next to a giant lake!” Arthur exclaimed.

“Yeah, well I didn’t really want to swim into the lake where I had sent three of the people I loved most to burn after they died,” Merlin replied, wincing as soon as the words left his mouth.

               He regretted them immediately when he saw the joyful light darken in Arthur’s eyes and the corner of his mouth turning downward as the smile disappeared. He had spoken without thinking, the bitterness obviously still present even after Arthur had been back for several months.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin sighed, burrowing in Arthur’s arms in silent comfort. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, don’t apologise,” Arthur reassured, returning the hug. “I’m sorry for bringing back those awful memories.”

“We really need to stop apologising so much.” Merlin chuckled.

“Maybe,” Arthur admitted, “but I feel like I owe you a ton of apologies that I didn’t give you in Camelot.”

“No, that was a long time ago and you’ve already made up for it plenty of times.” Merlin smiled.

“If you say so.” Arthur agreed, smiling back at him.

               Merlin kissed Arthur’s cheek softly as a silent thank you before getting out of the safe embrace of his arms to turn off the computer. He got up to put it back on the desk and came back to the bed. He sat back down next to Arthur, still smiling.

“So, are you ready for your story?” Merlin asked once he was comfortably settled.

“Yes, sir!” Arthur exclaimed, clearly excited.

“Alright then,” Merlin chuckled. “This was what happened when Mithian came to Camelot to ask for help to save her father.”

“Which turned out to be a trap in the end, I remember.” Arthur said sombrely.

“Yeah, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Merlin winced. “The night after she had arrived, I brought her a potion from Gaius but she seemed to be acting strangely. Gaius asked me if there was something on my mind so I told him that there was something wrong with Mithian, that she looked terrified. There was also something really odd between her and Hilda.”

“Well, now that we know who Hilda really was, it makes sense.” Arthur added.

“Yeah, it does,” Merlin agreed. “But we didn’t know then and Gaius told me not to worry about it because they had both been through an ordeal and strange behaviour was to be expected.”

“That’s why you tried to convince me to wait a few days before leaving.” Arthur said.

“Yeah, but I knew you wouldn’t listen to me,” Merlin smiled. “You’re just too noble like that.”

“Is that a compliment I’m hearing?” Arthur asked, grinning.

“Don’t get used to it, prat,” Merlin teased. “Anyway, when we first stopped for a break, I helped Mithian to get down from her horse and I noticed a burn mark on her wrist. When I asked her about it, she said that they had bound her wrists. That was another weird thing, as I said to Gaius, because she hadn’t mentioned it when she told us what had happened and I felt like that was a big piece of information to leave out. Gaius didn’t understand why she would lie about it either.”

“You were right, it didn’t make any sense.” Arthur nodded.

“After that, Hilda wasn’t feeling well but after Gaius had examined her, he told me that her blood was flooding with the strength and vigour of someone half her age and that she was in too much good health anyone her age had any right to be,” Merlin explained. “We didn’t understand why at the time but it was really suspicious.”

“Why didn’t you think about the ageing spell?” Arthur asked. “You used it many times yourself as a disguise.”

“Well, we weren’t suspecting Morgana at that moment,” Merlin answered. “Also, an ageing spell is really hard to maintain for a long time, it takes a lot of power to be able to do that for as long as she did then.”

               Arthur seemed to think about it for a minute. Merlin let him take his time to wrap his head around the idea. Even though magic was no longer an issue between them, Arthur still didn’t know that much about it. Merlin tried to explain things to him sometimes, his king was very curious and asked him a lot of questions about it. But it was such a vast subject, especially for someone who didn’t practise it, it would take years for Arthur to really get it all. But he was trying and he was learning. Merlin had never been prouder.

“Okay, I guess that makes sense,” Arthur finally said. “What happened next?”

“Well, Mithian asked me to refill her waterskin,” Merlin continued, “which I found strange, because there was plenty of water left in other ones but she insisted that she preferred her own. I understood too late why that was. Down by the river, I saw that she had engraved ‘Morgana’ on a rock. She had been trying to warn me. But when I tried to get back to camp, Morgana used magic to throw me against a tree and then strangled me with magic until I passed out.”

               As he recounted what had happened, he could once again feel the heavy weight of Morgana’s magic around his throat, blocking his airways until the lack of oxygen made him black out. He could also feel Arthur’s hand take hold of his own, squeezing harder and harder the more he talked to the point where it was almost painful. It helped ground him to the present in a way, reminding him that it was all over and that he was alive.

               He gently squeezed back, looking at Arthur with a small smile. He felt Arthur’s hand relax finally, easing his painful hold without letting go, being comforted by the warm contact of skin against skin.

“I was so scared when they found you hurt and unconscious,” Arthur murmured. “Even more so when I had to leave you behind to finish our quest. It felt like that time with the Dorocha or when you made the rocks crumble to protect me from the bandits after you were injured, that time when Morgana took control of your body to try and kill me. I felt like I was abandoning you, with no way of knowing if you would survive, if I would ever see you again with your stupidly big ears and your treasonous words.”

               That made Merlin smile, feeling giddy at this almost declaration of love. They had already exchanged those multiple times; they were married for god’s sake! But every time Arthur said something like that, shared his feelings honestly, it made his heart grow twice its size inside his chest. He felt warm all over and he was sure that he was blushing but he didn’t care. They had nothing to hide anymore. They could share all of their feelings openly and it felt good.

“I’ll never leave you.” Merlin vowed out loud, a reminder to the both of them.

“And I you.” Arthur replied, smiling softly.

               They exchanged a sweet kiss, as a way to seal that promise. It was so much like their wedding day that Merlin felt like he was flying. They stayed like that for a few moments, sometimes kissing and sometimes just staying close, breathing the same air. When they felt completely reassured, they kissed one last time before settling back comfortably to continue the story.

“Gaius was able to wake me up with his magic,” Merlin explained, “and I immediately told him that Hilda was Morgana and that she was using an ageing spell. I told Gwaine that we needed to get to you because you were walking straight into a trap and we ran after you. When we arrived, we saw Odin’s men taking the knights. Gwaine went to fight them while I went after you. I used my magic to distract the two soldiers guarding the entrance of the cave and knocked them out.”

“And you were the one to create the earthquake,” Arthur interrupted. “You did that before.”

“Yeah, I did,” Merlin smiled, feeling proud of Arthur for remembering. “I was able to knock Morgana out with magic without her seeing me, too. Once we were back in Camelot, I told Gaius that I was worried because Morgana’s power was growing. As I said, holding an ageing spell that long is not that simple and I was really scared that she would become more powerful than me.”

“What part of ‘Most Powerful Warlock to Walk the Earth’ did you miss, exactly?” Arthur asked, teasingly.

“Shut up!” Merlin chuckled. “I didn’t really feel that powerful at the time and prophecies are always tricky.”

“I know,” Arthur said. “You just have the biggest impostor syndrome I’ve ever seen.”

“As if you’re better than me,” Merlin retorted. “You spent half your life doubting yourself and your abilities as king.”

“I guess you’re right,” Arthur sighed. “We make a good match then, don’t you think?”

“I think we do.” Merlin agreed, smiling brightly.

Chapter Text

               Arthur could feel that Merlin wasn’t feeling good. He had been suspiciously silent throughout their evening meal, barely eating anything, lost in his thoughts. He was tense and kept looking outside the window at the Lake, possibly losing himself in memories. Arthur knew that night’s story would be a difficult one to tell for Merlin, it was obvious. He didn’t really know what was making him feel like that but he tried to prepare himself for some hard revelations.

“Do you feel up to telling your story tonight?” Arthur asked when they were settled in bed.

               Merlin, who had been lost in thought once more, visibly startled at hearing Arthur speak. He looked up at him, eyes clearing a bit as he was brought back to the present time, blinking in confusion. His brain seemed to finally process what Arthur had said as he shook his head to get rid of unwanted thoughts and looked back up, more alert.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Merlin reassured. “Just… I’m not really proud of what I did back then.”

“I will never judge you for your past actions,” Arthur vowed. “You did what you thought was best for me and for Camelot with the information you had at the time and you made those choices on your own, without any real help from anyone and a huge pressure on your shoulders. You made some bad decisions but so did I and a lot of other people. It’s in the past, I won’t hold it against you, especially after everything we shared.”

               Merlin was looking at him in awe and Arthur felt himself flush slightly. Even after all those years of witnessing Merlin’s unshakable faith in him, it still felt weird to see that look in his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be with Arthur. Though the former King always felt the same regarding Merlin, he still had a bit of a hard time understanding that it was reciprocated. He discreetly touched the golden band on his finger to remind himself of what it meant and how far they both had come.

“Thank you,” Merlin finally said, smiling softly. “So, that day, I was talking with Gaius about how Mordred was destined to kill you.”

               That reminder made them both twitch. Arthur remembered how Merlin had told him about the vision he had been shown and what had effectively happened later which resulted in their current situation. If Mordred was involved in this story, it was bound to be painful, indeed.

“He tried to warn me that we needed to know for certain before we did anything and that Mordred seemed nice,” Merlin continued. “Which was true but well, I was too scared to not be suspicious. Then we had to go after Osgar, who gave you the runemark.”

               Arthur shuddered as he was reminded of that day. How Osgar had been killed even though he didn’t seem to want to harm any of them. It hadn’t felt right then, it felt even worse as he thought about it with his new perspective on magic. How he had been a fool to deny the Old Religion and dismiss magic as a whole. He didn’t say anything, simply sat back and listened to Merlin’s side of the story.

“Later, I was making a grave for Osgard when Mordred found me. He warned me that you had forbidden anyone to give him a proper burial but then said that he wouldn’t say anything and was glad that I had. I told him that one day, we would live in freedom. He asked me if I really believed it and I told him that I did.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t deserving of that faith you had in me…” Arthur said.

“You were,” Merlin replied, determination filling his voice and his eyes. “You were not given the right tools to do what you were supposed to and neither was I. Look at how far we’ve come. You could have become the King I always saw in you if more people had given you the chance to be.”

               It was Arthur’s time to look at Merlin in awe. One day, he really would need to know what he had ever done to deserve such devotion from this man. Instead of answering verbally, he simply took hold of Merlin’s hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it reverently. He was satisfied to see Merlin blush from the attention and simply smiled, keeping their hands intertwined.

“Anyway, hum,” Merlin cleared his throat. “That night, I called Kilgharrah to ask him about the runemark you had received. He explained that the Triple Goddess had decided your path and that it predicted your death. I told him that I was afraid Mordred would be the one to kill you. Kilgharrah said that sometimes to save the tree, the ivy must be cut. He said that I already had the opportunity to dispose of Mordred once and if I had the chance again, I must not fail.”

“I really don’t like that dragon sometimes,” Arthur grumbled. “He was way too set on killing people.”

“That’s true, I guess,” Merlin admitted, wincing. “But it only confirmed the vision I had been given so I didn’t really question him. After that, as we were about to leave to go see the Disir, Gaius warned me that they would be powerful where we went.”

“And then, the knights and I behaved like brutes and Mordred was hurt in the process…” Arthur remembered painfully.

“You had a really bad habit of dismissing my advice back then,” Merlin teased, obviously trying to lighten the mood a bit.

               Arthur chuckled, accepting the taunt graciously. It was true after all. He had a tendency to be arrogant and sure of himself, to dismiss those beliefs because of what he had been taught about them. Even after all the growth he had done thanks to Merlin, Gwen and his knights, he had still kept a part of his father’s upbringing and let his pride get in the way of his purpose.

“As we were leaving,” Merlin continued. “The Disir tried to hurt me too but I deflected the spear they threw at me with my magic. Back in Camelot, Gaius said that only my magic could save Mordred but I refused to save the man who was destined to kill you. Gaius asked me why he saved you if he would kill you but I just told him that I couldn’t ignore what Kilgharrah had said. He asked me then what had happened to the boy who had come to his chambers all those years ago and I said that I grew up…”

               As he was speaking, Merlin’s voice had started to waver and his eyes had become glassy. He looked like he was losing himself in the memories, reliving them painfully, as if he was still there. Arthur could almost see it, Merlin sitting in Gaius’ chambers, face hardened by years of distrust and pressure thrown on his frail shoulders. He had been just a boy when he came to Camelot, as Arthur had been when they met. They had been subjected to a destiny with almost no one to help, even each other as they had needed to keep so many secrets. Though Arthur had been able to be more open with Merlin, their friendship had been tainted by rank and secrets.

               Merlin had been forced to harden himself in order to cope with everything he had been forced to do or believed he had to, anyway. Arthur remembered easily how Merlin had changed over the years, losing his easy smiles and carefree attitude, replacing them with coldness and harshness towards those he saw as threats, like Mordred. Arthur hadn’t known why back then. But it suddenly made sense, how Merlin had been changed by those who put all their expectations on him without thinking about what it would do to his soul. Which reminded him of what had happened after that, when they had gone back to see the Disir.

“That night,” Arthur said, “after the Disir asked me to make my decision about allowing the Old Religion back in Camelot. When I asked your opinion, you told me that there could be no place for magic in Camelot. I didn’t understand back then why you were looking so sad and hurt as you said that. You looked like you were about to burst into tears.”

“It was one of the most awful things I ever had to say…” Merlin admitted, looking almost the way he had that night centuries ago. “I had to make a choice between finally allowing magic back in Camelot or saving your life by condemning Mordred… In the end, there was never really any choice. It was always you. It would always be you. And in the end, I just played right in the hands of destiny as Mordred was alive and well when we came back. I understood then that Mordred had been saved because he was destined to kill you. It was your punishment for rejecting magic. Gaius told me that I shouldn’t blame myself but I knew it was my fault. Mordred was alive, free to play his part in your destiny and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.”

               After hearing all that, Arthur didn’t know what to say. That was another proof of Merlin’s complete devotion to him. It was heart wrenching to think that Merlin had felt like he needed to choose between freeing magic and saving Arthur’s life, especially when in the end, he had condemned both in a way. It must have been absolute hell to see that happen and not be able to do anything about it. Merlin had been completely wrapped up in expectations and prophecies from all sides with no real help whatsoever to follow the right path. He had been all alone, forced to hide himself from almost everyone he loved while having to fight against his own people who didn’t even try to help in his cause.

               Arthur couldn’t really blame sorcerers for having wanted to hurt him and Camelot, especially after everything they had endured because of his father and himself. But he couldn’t quite understand how this prophecy had existed without anyone wanting to help Merlin achieve it. Even Kilgharrah and Gaius hadn’t been of much help most of the time, either being way too cryptic or overly restrictive.

“I’m so sorry you had to deal with all that…” Arthur finally said, hugging Merlin close. “I wish I could go back in time and tell you that everything would be okay. You shouldn’t blame yourself too much for how things turned out. Remember what you told me after everyone around me betrayed my trust. You are not responsible for other people’s actions and choices.”

“Maybe not, but I’m responsible for my own,” Merlin sniffed. “I made a bad choice, I tried to condemn an innocent boy to death for something he hadn’t even done yet and I was punished for it. I turned my back on magic that day. I don’t remember exactly when my fight became to protect your life with my own instead of trying to help you bring back magic but it did. I made my choice loud and clear that day. I didn’t care if magic was legal or not again, I just wanted you to live.”

               Arthur felt his next words get stuck in his throat at Merlin’s admission. He didn’t really know how to feel about that. He swallowed harshly, trying to get his thoughts in order.

“I don’t believe you turned your back on magic,” Arthur said softly. “I think you were pushed by people around you to make a decision that you thought was best. The prophecy said that I was destined to bring back magic to the land, I couldn’t do that if I was dead. And Mordred did kill me in the end, so you were right to be scared.”

“If you say so…” Merlin mumbled, closing his eyes and burrowing himself in Arthur’s arms.

               Arthur could feel that Merlin wasn’t ready to hear more about it that night. He had many thoughts on the subject but kept them to himself for the time being. It would have to wait for another time, when Merlin would be in a less emotional state.

               Arthur held Merlin close to him, stroking his hair and back soothingly until he finally felt him relax in his hold, slowly drifting to sleep. He knew that Merlin’s rest would probably be troubled that night, preparing himself to fight the monsters from his nightmares, like the true knight in shining armour he still was deep inside. He would do it for the rest of his life if he had to. It would be his mission, to rid Merlin from his demons and let him sleep soundly and peacefully forever.

Chapter Text

               Merlin was still feeling bad after the story from the night before. It was one of the memories that haunted him the most after Arthur’s death. He kept thinking back on it, his choices, his words, trying to find a different path he could have taken. Would Mordred have died if Arthur had allowed magic back in Camelot? It wouldn’t have made sense as he was promised Mordred’s healing in exchange. Did it mean that no matter what he had done Mordred would have been spared? But if magic had been allowed back in Camelot, maybe none of the rest would have happened?

               It was a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and self-hatred that he helplessly fell into every time he thought about it. He had gotten better at dealing with it over the years, mostly by trying to stay in denial, which probably wasn’t the healthiest thing to do. It had been easier after Arthur had come back as well. But as he was getting closer and closer to the story of Arthur’s death, recounting all those decisions and choices that had led to his downfall, it was becoming harder not to fall back into the cycle.

               Arthur had obviously picked up on it as he had been walking on eggshells around him all day, trying not to trigger anything while being his usual attentive self. It was really kind of sweet and helped Merlin feel a bit better. Arthur was just too adorable when he tried to take care of him subtly and it made Merlin fall even more in love with him, if that was even possible.

               As they settled in bed that night, Merlin smiled at the way Arthur was behaving, like he was afraid that Merlin would break apart with any sudden move or wrong word.

“I’m okay Arthur, you don’t have to be so careful about everything,” Merlin chastised him gently.

“I’m doing no such thing,” Arthur denied immediately, looking like his old, prattish self once again.

“If you say so,” Merlin chuckled. “Do you want to hear my next story?”

“If you’re feeling up to it,” Arthur nodded, once again looking at Merlin like he was about to shatter in pieces.

“Yes, I am, you prat,” Merlin smiled. “Tonight, I’m telling you about the Dark Tower.”

“When Gwen was kidnapped by Morgana?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah,” Merlin grimaced, feeling bad for what had happened to his best friend back then. “When we were examining Percival and Leon after Elyan brought them back, Gaius told me that it was no accident. There was dark magic inside their veins from the snake bite and they should have been dead. I thought that they were lucky but Gaius was sure there was more to it than luck.”

“He was right,” Arthur said. “The snakes had given them the same vision of the Dark Tower to lure us there. It was a trap from Morgana.”

“It was,” Merlin nodded. “When we were lost in the forest, I was woken up in the night by a sound and I followed it. That’s how I met the spirit of the forest who told me that the forest was made to bewilder us. She told me that I needed to trust my mind but warned me that there were more dangers ahead and that one of us would not return. I tried to ask which one of us she was talking about but she was suddenly gone.”

“You really had a habit of meeting strange, cryptic and very unhelpful magical creatures,” Arthur drawled.

“Very funny,” Merlin replied, unimpressed. “She was kind of helpful as she got me to realise that we would need magic to get through the woods.”

“And you used your trick to see the path ahead like you did when we were going to Avalon and see if there were any threats?” Arthur asked.

               Merlin closed his mouth as he had been about to speak, looking at Arthur with big eyes. He shouldn’t be so shocked that Arthur had guessed that, as he had been understanding more and more things as their nightly stories progressed. Despite appearances, Arthur really wasn’t stupid. He learned quickly and understood things very easily once he had all the facts in front of him.

               Still, Merlin felt a sense of pride to see this man mention magic so casually, as if it was completely normal and obvious that Merlin had been using it, when it used to be such a huge secret between them. Sometimes, he wasn’t sure if he would ever completely get used to it.

“Oh please, don’t look so surprised,” Arthur said, looking embarrassed. “It’s obvious now that I know about it.”

“If you say so,” Merlin smiled brightly.

               His smile quickly dimmed however, as he recalled everything that had happened after that. How they had reached the tower, Elyan leaving ahead, straight into Morgana’s trap. He had been warned that one of them wouldn’t return but as always, his mind had been solely focused on Arthur. A small part of him still felt as though he had abandoned Elyan when he could have maybe saved him.

               As his thoughts turned darker, he felt heat surrounding him, strong arms holding him against a solid chest and grounding him in the present.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Arthur murmured in his hair, hugging him tightly, as if reading his thoughts.

“That’s what Gaius told me when we got back to Camelot,” Merlin replied softly.

“He was right,” Arthur said. “You couldn’t have known Elyan would be the one who wouldn’t return and he was way ahead of us. Even your magic couldn’t have saved him. It was Morgana who killed him, not you. Never forget that.”

               Merlin didn’t say anything to that, simply let himself sink in the warm and comforting embrace that was soothing his bleeding heart. Arthur didn’t push him to talk, simply offering him his unwavering presence and love.

Chapter Text

               Arthur entered the bedroom with two mugs of steaming hot chocolate in his hands, smiling as he saw Merlin sitting in bed, engrossed in a book. He stayed in the doorway for a few minutes, just taking in the wonderful view that he was finally allowed to witness for the rest of his life. Merlin didn’t react until Arthur eventually crossed the room to place one mug on Merlin’s bedside table, dropping a kiss in his hair on the way. He was rewarded by a soft smile as his husband closed his book, tilting his head up to look at him and puckering his lips in a silent request.

               Arthur chuckled at his silliness but happily complied, giving him a quick peck on the mouth before joining him in the bed, careful not to drop his own mug. Merlin seemed to finally register the mug next to him because his smile brightened and he put his book away to take hold of the hot mug in his most likely freezing hands. He took a sip and closed his eyes, sighing in delight and making Arthur chuckle once more.

“Hot chocolate is the best modern invention ever,” Merlin said. “Thanks for making me one.”

“My pleasure,” Arthur smiled. “That way at least you won’t use me as your personal hot bottle for your hands.”

“Prat!” Merlin laughed. “Don’t start complaining, you absolutely love it when I cling to you during the night to stay warm.”

“About as much as the sensation of snow getting inside your jacket in winter,” Arthur replied, acting serious.

“You can’t fool me anymore, you big softy,” Merlin simply said, grinning widely. “You’re a sucker for cuddles and we both know that. The tough act never really did work on me anyway.”

“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur retorted flatly, struggling to keep his smile at bay.

“Of course, sire,” Merlin shot back with a smirk. “Does that mean you don’t want a story tonight?”

               Arthur made a show of thinking about it deeply, ignoring the knowing smile of his husband. A few moments later, he sighed dramatically and turned to look at Merlin.

“Alright, I’ll allow it,” Arthur said. “You can begin.”

“So demanding,” Merlin answered, playing along. “Well, this story begins when we were out for a ride with Gwen and were attacked after your saddle broke.”

“Oh yes, I remember that… Tyr was accused of having meddled with it,” Arthur added.

“He was indeed,” Merlin confirmed. “I told Gaius that it made no sense that he would do something like that to you. I wanted to find out who had really been behind it so I went to visit him in his cell to try and get him to tell me the truth. He explained that he had been awoken by someone who was doing something to your saddle but when they saw him, they threatened to kill his mother if he told anyone about it. I tried to make him tell me who it was but he refused. He would have rather died than put his mother in danger.”

“You told me about it after and Gwen convinced me not to go see him,” Arthur remembered. “Of course, now we know she was under Morgana’s spell at the time.”

“Yeah, but even then, I was already suspicious,” Merlin said. “Especially after she did that. It was so unlike her. I asked Gaius if he had noticed anything strange with her because she seemed different ever since she had come back from the tower. He told me that she was grieving her brother and that grief could change people. He also added that we didn’t know what Morgana had put her through and that was exactly what worried me.”

“As always, you were right,” Arthur smiled sadly, realising once again how blind he had been and how he should really have listened to Merlin more back then.

“Glad you finally got that after so long,” Merlin teased, bumping their shoulders together.

               Arthur smiled more and ruffled Merlin’s hair in retaliation, making him laugh. That sound was definitely one of the best things Arthur had ever heard, making him feel better instantly. He wondered if maybe Merlin’s laugh was magical as well.

“Later, I found Gwen and told her that I had been looking for her because you were worried,” Merlin continued after calming down. “She told me that she had been walking in the meadow, that it soothed her since Elyan’s death. I asked her to be careful because the patrol had spotted Morgana in the woods just before. After that, I talked about it with Gwaine and told him that it was not over and that I suspected the threat was inside Camelot. I asked him to stay close to you and protect you.”

“Now who’s the big softy?” Arthur teased in a way to hide the emotions trying to overwhelm him.

               He was already aware of how things had ended much later. He had come to terms with Gwen’s betrayal way easier that time because he had known it wasn’t her fault. It was just strange to have to revisit these memories with yet a new layer added and realising that Merlin had been ahead of him even concerning his own wife. It was also always so strange for Arthur to be reminded of Merlin’s devotion at all times and how he kept prioritising Arthur’s safety above all else.

               Merlin must have felt his turmoil because he took hold of his hand and smiled softly at him. He didn’t say anything, simply helped ground him to the present with his touch and Arthur couldn’t love him more for that.

“Gaius and I went to search the forest for clues of who Morgana was meeting and found a piece of cloth,” Merlin explained. “Gaius examined it and said that it was a piece of very expensive clothing, belonging to someone wealthy. It only strengthened my suspicions on Gwen and I searched through her clothes to try and find something that matched the piece.”

“Oh, so that’s what you were doing, I thought you had been looking for holes,” Arthur grinned, remembering vividly the moment he had found Merlin searching through Gwen’s closet. “Thinking back on it now, there were a number of times where I just caught you with a dress without any explanation.”

“Please, don’t remind me,” Merlin flushed. “It was so embarrassing. Anyway, as you had asked me, I went to do the laundry and that’s where I found Gwen’s cloak, inside the basket. I immediately realised that the piece we had found in the forest came from it and it confirmed my suspicions that Gwen was the traitor. I ran to your chambers but I was too late, you were already unconscious. I had seen you almost die multiple times already by then but each time felt worse than the last.”

               Arthur squeezed Merlin’s hand in reassurance, understanding completely where he was coming from as Arthur had also seen him on the brink of death more than once in their lifetime. He was more than happy that they didn’t need to risk their lives anymore to protect a kingdom or their loved ones.

“And then, Gwen accused you, right?” Arthur asked.

“She did,” Merlin nodded. “I saw it coming when she started listing all the things the culprit should have had access to but I couldn’t think about anything other than how to save you. Of course, that would have been difficult to do from a cell. Gaius came to find me and told me that I was right, Morgana had done something to Gwen that had changed her. He also said that he couldn’t save you and that only my magic could. So, I aged myself to escape.”

“How many times did you use that spell, exactly?” Arthur laughed.

“I lost count, honestly,” Merlin grinned. “It was very effective! I managed to confuse the guards by answering their questions with nonsense and screamed at them that they were idiots before leaving. I went to the kitchen to drink the potion to change back but Cook caught me and accused me of stealing her pies. I told her that no one would steal her pies because they were disgusting as the rest of her cooking which only made her angrier. She started to rant about it so I just used magic on a pot to knock her out.”

               Arthur was laughing so hard his belly was starting to hurt. He could picture it so vividly in his head. Merlin as Dragoon, even more sarcastic and unfiltered than usual facing Cook, probably going red with outrage at the idea that someone would insult her cooking. It was hilarious and he regretted not having been able to witness it with his own eyes back then.

               Merlin had joined him in his laughter and it took them a long moment to calm down enough to be able to continue the story. They both had tears of laughter running down their cheeks and bright smiles stuck on their faces. It felt good to laugh after having shared so many dark and sad stories. This one wasn’t particularly more joyful but at least that part had been more light hearted.

“So, what did you do next?” Arthur asked, still a bit out of breath.

“Well, I finally changed back but was seen by the knights who ran after me,” Merlin said, wiping his eyes. “They didn’t recognise me of course, but still. I hid in the courtyard and used magic to extinguish the torches. Then, I climbed the wall to your chambers.”

“You… climbed the wall?” Arthur asked, stunned. “How in the world did you manage that?”

“Don’t ask me, I don’t have the answer myself,” Merlin replied. “I hid behind the curtain while Gwaine was talking to Gaius and Gwen about the intruder. Gaius encouraged her to leave and stay safe with Gwaine so that I could get in unseen. When I saw you, I thought you were already gone. I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to save you but Gaius reassured me and said that I was capable enough. When I touched you, I felt how sick you were, how deep it was inside of you. I used all my power to try and save you. At first, I thought it hadn’t worked but then, you finally breathed and moved and I cried so hard. I was so relieved you were okay.”

               Arthur smiled sadly at Merlin, intertwining their fingers together and squeezing hard. He understood how that must have felt for him, having lived it in reverse several times as well, though not as closely and without the weight of being the one needing to cure the other. It must have been even harder for Merlin then, knowing that if he couldn’t save him, no one else would be able to.

“Did you have to climb down the wall to go back to your cell?” Arthur asked, trying to diffuse the grief and lighten the mood a bit.

               Merlin almost choked on his laugh as it burst out of him, obviously not having expected that answer and Arthur felt very proud of himself. It was even more worth it when Merlin looked back at him and the sad glint in his eyes was replaced by pure love and joy.

“Yes, in fact, I did,” Merlin confirmed, still chuckling. “The next morning, Gwaine and Percival came to fetch me in the cell to announce the good news and also free me per your request. Though, of course, Gwen had already planned ahead and managed to find a way to evade all suspicion.”

“She always was very smart, even without Morgana’s control,” Arthur grimaced.

“Yeah, she was,” Merlin smiled sadly.

               That was the hardest part in their new life. Thinking about their friends who had died long ago while they lived on. It was even harder for Merlin who had been forced to watch them all die one by one as he didn’t age and eventually ended up alone, waiting for Arthur to come back. But Merlin had been able to grieve, at least in a way, while he lived. Arthur had been slapped in the face with everyone and everything he knew being gone when it felt like only a few minutes for him after his death. He was still in that process himself but he knew Merlin was as well as he had a lot to finally let go of and forgive himself for.

               At least they were together to face these difficult emotions. Merlin wasn’t alone anymore. Arthur was there for him every step of the way and it worked both ways. After all this time, they could finally lean on each other completely, without any secrets, status barriers or dangers threatening their lives. They were healing, bit by bit.

Chapter Text

               It was a clear night, not a cloud in sight, which was exceptional enough for Great Britain that Merlin decided to take Arthur outside for a bit of stargazing. They had put some blankets on the grass, a safe distance away from the Lake which still bothered them both. It felt like old times, when they were out on patrols or some other life-threatening mission, sleeping outside next to a fire, sometimes on their own or with the other knights.

               This time though, there was no risk, no threat, no danger. They could simply lay down on the ground, look at the starry sky without worrying if they would get attacked in their moment of carelessness. There was a slight chill in the air and Merlin was glued to Arthur’s side, sucking his warmth like a big lizard on a sun-heated rock. How Arthur managed to stay warm in every circumstance was a mystery to Merlin but right then, he didn’t really care. He was content just laying there with him and explaining the names of stars and constellations that he had learned over the centuries as they were discovered.

“See this one right there?” Merlin asked, pointing at the sky. “Looking like a big W?”

“Yeah? What is it called?” Arthur replied, looking at him excitedly.

“It’s Cassiopea,” Merlin explained, smiling at his enthusiasm. “She’s sitting on a throne.”

               Arthur looked back up at the sky, turning his head this way and that, trying to visualise it and Merlin had to suppress a giggle at how cute that was.

“Oh yeah, I think I can see it,” Arthur finally said. “There are so many…”

“Yeah, the universe is bigger than we can ever imagine,” Merlin agreed.

“It’s nice that you live far away from the city,” Arthur said. “We wouldn’t be able to see them that well with all the lights.”

“I did live in cities sometimes,” Merlin replied. “But I never felt quite right when I was cut out from nature for too long. My magic doesn’t really like being trapped between stone walls and concrete floors. And I missed the night sky the most.”

“Was it hard for you in Camelot, too?” Arthur asked. “It was pretty much full of stone walls.”

“Well, I went out in the woods pretty often, either with you on hunting trips, patrols or dangerous missions,” Merlin explained. “Or when I ran errands for Gaius, gathering herbs. I also had some solo missions to save your royal backside or Camelot that took me out, so that helped. But yeah, when I stayed inside for too long, I started feeling antsy.”

“Well, I’m glad you can enjoy being out in the wild and letting your magic free now,” Arthur smiled.

“Me too,” Merlin nodded, smiling back. “Do you want to get inside so I can tell you my next story?”

“If you want to, but I’d be glad to stay here for a bit more,” Arthur said.

“Alright with me,” Merlin agreed. “So, I was down in the kitchens, preparing Gwen’s bath, when a boy came in. He said he was a druid, that his name was Daegal and that I was the only one who could help him. At first, I told him to leave because he was putting us both in danger by being there but he told me that his sister was very sick and needed my help. He said that she was in the Valley of the Fallen Kings. I refused at first but he begged me and I finally agreed that I would meet him at the entrance of the Darkling Woods at first light.”

“Did he know about your… special talents?” Arthur asked.

“Well, I didn’t really think about it, now that you ask,” Merlin replied.

“That’s just so you,” Arthur chuckled.

“Yeah, anyway,” Merlin continued, flushing slightly in embarrassment. “Obviously, Gaius told me that it was dangerous, that I didn’t even know that boy but I couldn’t let a poor girl die. Then, he asked me how he was supposed to keep it from you and I told him to think of something, that with the Sarrum’s visit you would be too busy to notice my absence.”

“I think you underestimated how much I paid attention to you back then,” Arthur grimaced. “I always knew when you weren’t around. Poor Gaius had to help me get dressed because of that.”

               Merlin burst out in laughter, not having been prepared for that revelation. Gaius hadn’t told him about this, probably way too mortified to share that specific information.

“Oh gods, what I would have done to see that,” Merlin said, still laughing.

“He tried to dress me with Gwen’s night dress instead of my shirt,” Arthur added, which made them both dissolve into laughs once more.

               It took a few minutes for them to calm down. Merlin kept imagining Arthur stuck into Gwen’s night dress which sent him back into hysterics immediately. When they were finally out of giggles, they settled back for Merlin to continue with his story.

“Where was I… oh yeah, so Gaius tried to change my mind but I told him that I had promised the boy so I would go and be back by nightfall,” Merlin said. “I joined Daegal and gave him an apple to eat before we left. That’s when I noticed that he was hurt and offered to take care of it. He asked me how I knew how to take care of wounds and I explained how Gaius had taught me ever since I came to Camelot.”

“Okay, wait a minute,” Arthur interrupted. “That boy came to see you, specifically, to help heal his sister but didn’t know that you were a physician?”

“Oh… well… now that you’re pointing that out…” Merlin hesitated, mind reeling. “I guess I didn’t pay too much attention to the details? I mean, now I know exactly what happened but back then, I just thought he was a druid boy who needed help. Druids knew me and who I was, even when I didn’t know them so I guess I didn’t really question it.”

“What do you mean, ‘exactly what happened’?” Arthur asked, frowning suspiciously. “Wasn’t he a druid?”

“Way too far ahead of the story, we’ll get there,” Merlin grimaced. “Anyway, I asked him about his family and he told me that his parents were dead. I kept giving him apples while we walked until he asked me why I was being so nice to him when other people made him feel like he didn’t matter. I told him that everyone mattered and then gave him some water.”

“I swear Merlin, sometimes you’re way too pure for this world,” Arthur smiled softly.

               Merlin felt himself blush at the compliment, still not completely used to Arthur saying such nice things about him.

“Thank you,” he managed to say. “When we got closer, Daegal suddenly stopped. I urged him on to get to his sister then asked him how bad she was when he had left her. He said that she had been very bad and gave me back the apple. As we walked, I noticed some bandits and tried to warn him through his mind but he didn’t stop. I had to yank him down so he wouldn’t be seen and when I asked him if he had heard my warning, he told me he hadn’t. That’s when I started getting suspicious.”

“Because druids can communicate through mind talk and he couldn’t?” Arthur guessed.

“Exactly,” Merlin confirmed. “When we stopped again, I knew there was no sister. I asked Daegal why he had brought me there and told him that I knew he wasn’t a druid. I was asking him to tell me who he was when Morgana threw me away with magic. I saw her give Daegal a pouch of money and then she made me drink some poison before pushing me down in the ravine.”

               As Merlin told the story, he remembered the feeling of betrayal towards Daegal and the burn of the poison down his throat. He had almost not noticed the pain in his body from the fall, his mind already too numbed by the poison. He was quickly brought back to the present by Arthur’s hand holding his own in a deathly tight grip. When Merlin looked back at him, Arthur’s face was white with both fear and fury, his hands closed in fists and trembling.

“I can’t believe you were dying again and I didn’t know about it,” Arthur choked out.

               Merlin didn’t know what to say to that, choosing instead to wrap his arms around Arthur and hug him tight, helping him remember that they were both alive and well, that neither of them was dying anymore.

               It took a while for Arthur to stop shaking, his fists tightly gripping the back of Merlin’s shirt before finally relaxing once more. They stayed that way for a few minutes more, reassuring and grounding themselves, before laying back the way they were before.

“Are you okay?” Merlin finally asked softly.

“Yeah, thank you,” Arthur replied with a small smile. “You can go on.”

“Okay,” Merlin nodded, squeezing his hand once more. “So, I woke up in the morning and tried to heal myself with my magic but I was way too weak to use it. I passed out again until I was woken up by Daegal giving me water. At first, I was angry and asked him why he had come back. He told me that he couldn’t leave me to die and asked me to tell him how he could save me. I told him which herbs to find and how to use them and he went to look for them.”

“I’m not really sure how I feel about that boy,” Arthur grumbled.

“Yeah, I wasn’t either,” Merlin agreed. “But I didn’t have much choice. He gave me the cure and held me as I started to shake and passed out again. When I woke up, it was night once more. Daegal told me that he didn’t know what Morgana intended when he agreed to help her and I asked if he knew what their plan was. He denied at first but then admitted that they were planning to kill the king.”

“And by ‘they’, he meant Gwen and Morgana I guess,” Arthur said. “That’s how he knew to find you and was able to get inside the castle unnoticed.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Merlin nodded. “I should have guessed but when he said that, I immediately got up and started to walk back to Camelot to warn you. We saw the bandits again and tried to go around them but my leg was wounded and I fell in the middle of their camp. I told Daegal to flee but he refused. I tried to intimidate them and Daegal gave them his pouch but they wouldn’t leave us alone so I used my magic to throw one of them away and the others fled right away.”

“What a bunch of cowards,” Arthur sniffed, making Merlin chuckle.

“After that, Daegal asked me if anyone in Camelot knew about my magic,” Merlin continued. “I told him that only Gaius knew and he asked if you knew. I said that you didn’t and that you couldn’t know about it. When he said that you would probably kill me, I defended you, I told him you were a good man.”

“You had way too much faith in me,” Arthur smiled sadly.

“None of that now,” Merlin reprimanded. “We’ve been over this already.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Arthur agreed, his smile becoming more real.

“Good,” Merlin praised him. “Daegal then offered to tend to my leg. When he was finished, I told him that he had done good, that he was a natural. He said that he must have gotten it from his mother. He explained that everything he had told me was true, except he didn’t have a sister. His mother wasn’t a druid but she did have magic and was executed by Uther. I apologised to him for it and we continued our journey back.”

               As they were getting closer to the end of the story, Merlin braced himself for what he knew was to come, feeling the familiar grief tightening his insides. He took a deep breath, trying to ground himself just enough to be able to finish his tale.

“We finally made it to the castle and I took a lance to help me walk,” Merlin continued. “As we were looking for you, I saw an opened door that was supposed to be locked and climbed the stairs behind it. That’s where I found the assassin who heard us and shot with his crossbow but I deflected the arrow using magic. He threw knives at us and tried to shoot you again but I used my magic to lift the lance and kill him.”

“Which is how he missed and killed the Sarrum instead,” Arthur recalled.

“Yeah,” Merlin nodded, feeling his throat close up as tears started to form in his eyes. “When I saw you were safe, I turned back to Daegal and realised he had been hit by one of the knives. While he was dying, he asked me if he had saved you, if he had finally done something good. I told him that he had and then he was gone… Gaius and I buried him in the forest and talked about how we had to do something to stop Gwen before she and Morgana tried to kill you again.”

               As he was finally finished with the story, Merlin allowed his tears to roll down his cheeks, letting the grief he was feeling burst out of him. Arthur was the one to hug him close this time, letting Merlin get everything out of his system. The more tears that fell, the lighter he became. The weight of grief inside his heart was lifted bit by bit. I wouldn’t leave completely, not ever. But each time he allowed himself to feel, it became a little easier to bear.

               Merlin hoped that, wherever he was, Daegal knew how he had done more than good when he had helped save Arthur that day. He hoped that the boy knew how much Merlin was grateful for what he had done in the end, because he might not be right there with Arthur if he hadn’t. As he looked up at the starry sky again, he caught sight of a shooting star and smiled, wishing that he could continue living this life that was awarded to him at last.

Chapter Text

               Arthur still had a hard time not thinking about what Merlin had revealed the night before. He could remember how worried he had been when Gaius had told him that Merlin hadn’t been back when he should have, only for Gwen to tell them that Merlin was, in fact, with a girl. Gaius had obviously known that she was lying but wasn’t able to let Arthur in on that because he wasn’t aware she was under Morgana’s spell yet and wouldn’t have believed it.

               He was also reminded of what he had learned that day when they had dined with the Sarrum, how he had detained Morgana and Aithusa for weeks, explaining her deformity. He hadn’t mentioned that to Merlin the day before, though he was sure that he had been made aware of that fact by Gaius back then. It had already been a very emotional tale for Merlin, filled with grief and Arthur hadn’t wanted to add to it, especially as they had already talked about Aithusa a few nights before. Merlin had been able to express his pain on that as well, which was good.

               One good thing that came out of this last story was the fact that Merlin looked better. He seemed lighter and less burdened by his grief and sadness. Arthur was glad that those little stories helped Merlin get some of this weight off his shoulders instead of pushing him further down the bad memory lane.

               As he looked outside the window, he felt a bit sad that large clouds were once again looming in the sky, blocking their view of the stars they had been able to watch the night before. It had been such a great reminiscence of their previous life, when he had been able to get away from the castle for a bit, were it for fun or more tragic reasons. It was nice to be able to experience that once again, without the bad things associated with it and finally being fully himself. A shame that they wouldn’t be able to do it again that night but Arthur reminded himself that they had all the time to try again in the future.

               Merlin was smiling when he entered the bedroom and that vision alone made all of Arthur’s worries melt away, like snow in the sunlight. They changed and settled in bed together, a new routine that had become almost second nature but kept mesmerising Arthur anyway. It was amazing to see how comfortable they still were around each other, even after all they had been through.

“Alright, shall I begin my story for tonight?” Merlin asked, once they were both comfortable.

“The floor is yours,” Arthur replied, smiling.

“Thank you, kind sir,” Merlin said, grinning. “So, after showing you that Gwen was betraying us against her own will and promising that we’d bring her back, well… I had some research to do. I was desperately trying to find something and wasn’t very successful. That’s when Gaius told me that he might know what had happened to Gwen and explained it to me. According to him, she had been subjected to the Teine Diaga, a ritual that uses the mandrake root to bring unimaginable terror to the victim. When it was over, their will wasn’t their own and they became slaves of the High Priestesses for eternity.”

“That sounds like fun,” Arthur mumbled sarcastically.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Merlin agreed. “Unfortunately, Gaius didn’t know a lot more than that, as boys weren’t taught these things. However, he mentioned that the Dochraid would.”

“The Dochraid?” Arthur asked. “Who’s that?”

“Well, I don’t really know,” Merlin admitted. “She was an old being of the Old Religion and the only one, except Morgana, who had any knowledge about such rituals. Gaius warned me that she couldn’t be trusted and must never know about my true identity.”

“Let me guess,” Arthur smiled wryly. “You aged yourself again to go and see her?”

“My, my, you are getting smart!” Merlin teased, earning himself a half-hearted slap on the back of the head, which only made him giggle. “But yeah, that’s exactly what I did. When I asked her how I could save Gwen, she first told me that my queen would find no relief and that I was not welcome. I warned her that I would have what I came for. She said that I couldn’t kill her but I showed her Excalibur, explaining how it had been forged in a dragon’s breath and would do my bidding. She thought I didn’t have the power to use it so I cut her to prove it and she finally told me how to cure Gwen. I thanked her and started to leave but she attacked me with a floating knife. I deflected it and used Excalibur against her.”

“You made some interesting friends over the years, I see,” Arthur grimaced.

“Most creatures of the Old Religion didn’t really like me,” Merlin agreed. “When I came back to Camelot, I shared my news with Gaius and told him that it was way too difficult. I wasn’t sure I would have the power to summon the goddess and it was unlikely that Gwen would go willingly. He suggested we use belladonna to get her there but that didn’t really change the fact that she had to enter the water of her own free will. Gaius then said that the only person who could reach that part that was still Gwen was you but that brought another issue. I couldn’t do magic in front of you.”

               As Merlin was explaining the reasoning and the problems they had been faced with, something started coming to the front of Arthur’s mind, something he had left on the side since he had discovered Merlin’s habit to disguise himself when having to use magic in front of people who couldn’t know who he was. He tried not to think about it yet, instead concentrating on what Merlin was telling him.

“Gaius said that I would have to not be recognised then,” Merlin continued. “But I told him that the ageing spell was too draining and that I wouldn’t have the strength to sustain it while summoning the goddess. To which Gaius’ only response was that I had to find that strength.”

               Arthur was beginning to see the whole picture of what had happened that day, more and more pieces of the puzzle assembling themselves in his brain. He still didn’t say anything but couldn’t quite contain the slight smirk that threatened to break his neutral face as the picture became clearer in his mind.

“Fast forward a few hours later,” Merlin kept going, completely unaware of Arthur’s inner realisation. “Mordred had found us and started talking to me. He said that I didn’t trust him, which was true but I didn’t want to admit it straight to him. I told him that he was a fine knight and he said that it was okay if I didn’t trust him, because he knew I only had the king’s best interest at heart and hoped that one day I would realise that he did too and we would be friends.”

               That little revelation brought Arthur out of his own head for a bit as he realised that Mordred hadn’t been that bad of a man back then. His betrayal still hurt deeply but he had obviously cared for Arthur in a way, at least for a while. That night wasn’t the right time to reflect on that specific information so Arthur stored it away to examine again later.

“That’s when Morgana attacked us, right?” Arthur asked, remembering what had happened.

“Yes, exactly,” Merlin confirmed. “I asked Mordred to stay behind while I dealt with the dragon. I used my Dragonlord’s powers to make Aithusa go before getting the bags back and we left. Of course, Morgana stopped us and Mordred was knocked out by I managed to escape and join you.”

“You left him behind unconscious, with Morgana?” Arthur exclaimed, completely forgetting about everything else.

               Merlin grimaced, obviously not feeling very proud of himself for what he had done back then. Arthur was reminded that Merlin had sacrificed magic in order to keep Mordred dead because of the prophecy he had been told. Under such a stressful situation, it was no wonder that Merlin had left, probably knowing that Morgana wouldn’t hurt Mordred and having the knowledge that the boy had magic as well and could probably defend himself. It still didn’t make it right, obviously, but it wouldn’t help anyone to tell Merlin what he was already aware of and had probably been beating himself up for during the last centuries.

“Not my proudest moment, I’ll admit,” Merlin said, still looking shameful.

“It’s okay, I get it,” Arthur reassured. “So, after that, we arrived at the lake and you said you were going to find the Dolma but it was you, wasn’t it?”

               Merlin’s eyes widened as he realised what Arthur had just said, which made said man grin widely at having been able to surprise Merlin. He wasn’t really sure how he hadn’t fully realised this before, when he had learned that Dragoon had in fact been Merlin all that time but he finally had. He was so going to enjoy this.

“The dress you had in your bag, it wasn’t a gift for her, it was your disguise, right?” Arthur pushed, grinning more and more at Merlin’s expression.

“Well, took you long enough,” Merlin managed to choke out, trying to regain his composure.

               Arthur couldn’t hold it in anymore and burst out in laughter. It was just so comical to revisit this moment knowing that it had been Merlin the whole time.

“Well, I did say that you looked familiar,” Arthur said, still laughing.

“Alright you prat, you can stop laughing now,” Merlin grumbled, red with embarrassment. “You forgot about me too, back then. I was supposed to be a hostage and you almost left without me!”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Arthur agreed, sobering up a bit though he was still grinning. “Why did you change yourself into a woman, though?”

“Well, you wouldn’t have trusted me if I had been Dragoon,” Merlin said, matter-of-factly. “You already knew him and thought he was responsible for your father’s death.”

“That’s… yeah, you’re right,” Arthur nodded, feeling chastised. “I had forgotten about that bit.”

“It’s okay, we both know your brain isn’t that fast,” Merlin taunted back.

“Very funny, Merlin,” Arthur said, glaring half-heartedly at him but happy that they were back on familiar ground again and had grown enough to be able to joke about it without hurting too much.

“Anyway, when we were on our way back to Camelot, Mordred told me that you were lucky to have me. He knew it was me who had saved Gwen and he admired me for doing so much without any reward. I told him that I didn’t need any reward or recognition but only wished to see my friends safe. To which Mordred said that we had something in common, the future of Camelot.”

“Well, he was right about one thing, at least,” Arthur said, hugging Merlin close to him and kissing his head. “I really am lucky to have you.”

Chapter Text

“So, what story are you telling me tonight?” Arthur asked as they were settling into bed that night.

               Merlin took his time getting into a comfortable position, knowing that Arthur was not the best at being patient. It was proof of how much he had grown that Arthur didn’t insist nor chastise him for it, simply watching him intently. When Merlin thought he had tortured him enough, he turned to him and smiled.

“Well, do you remember when we were out on that picnic with Gwen and I saw strange markings on a tree?” Merlin asked. “And you thought they were just stags marking their territory?”

“Let me guess,” Arthur rolled his eyes. “It was magic?”

“Yep,” Merlin grinned. “On the ground near that tree, I found a medallion. When I showed it to Gaius though, he couldn’t really say anything about it so I decided to go back where I had found it because, as you pointed out, I had felt strong magic there. Gaius asked me not to go alone in case it was Morgana but I told him that if it was her, it wouldn’t really make any difference who I took with me.”

“Though I don’t like it, I must admit you are right,” Arthur grimaced.

“I’m always right, you should know that by now,” Merlin said, puffing his chest.

               Arthur just chuckled, shaking his head at his silliness and it made Merlin feel all warm and gooey at seeing his husband laughing and smiling. He would never tire of it.

“So, you went back to the tree,” Arthur picked up the tale where they had stopped. “Did you find anything else?”

“Some abandoned objects and papers strewn around and a strange marking on the wood,” Merlin explained. “I brought the papers back to Gaius who told me it was written in Catha and that Alator had been there.”

“Alator? The man who had abducted Gaius?” Arthur asked.

“Yes, exactly,” Merlin nodded.

“So that’s why Morgana had attacked Helva,” Arthur guessed. “She wanted to find him and get the information about you he hadn’t given her.”

“That’s what we deducted, yeah,” Merlin said. “I told Gaius that Alator would never betray me but he said that even someone as strong as Alator had limits.”

“Morgana was pretty powerful, yeah,” Arthur agreed. “She probably had methods to make him talk.”

“That’s what Gaius thought,” Merlin admitted. “Later that day, I was picking the flowers you had asked for Gwen when a woman came to me, calling me Emrys, and told me that your enemies were closer than I thought. Then, she asked me to meet up with her that night, at the temple of Earu, and to come alone or not at all.”

“Alright, that sounds like a trap,” Arthur grimaced. “How did she know who you were?”

“Well, that’s what Gaius thought as well. As for my name, many druids knew who I was without me having ever met them,” Merlin explained. “I also showed him a drawing of the mark I had seen on her wrists, which he told me was the mark of the Bendrui, an ancient order of powerful priestesses. Gaius was afraid and thought that the only explanation of how she knew my real name was that Morgana had gotten the information from Alator and was setting a trap. I told him that I saw she meant no harm but he just said that a sorceress as powerful as her could fake it but I had to go. Gaius felt guilty because he had been the one to tell Alator about my true identity and asked me not to do anything that could put me in danger because of this. I told him I would never do anything to hurt him. That night, he said that it was for the best that I forgot about Finna but I waited until he was asleep to leave.”

“Of course you did,” Arthur sighed. “But Gaius was worried and came to warn me about her.”

“Yeah, I know,” Merlin grimaced. “When I joined her, I asked how she knew my name. She said that she knew it from her master Alator, that the great battle of Camelot was near and only I could help you triumph. That’s when the knights arrived, making us flee and I told her to go. She refused at first but I promised that I would find her. Then, I used magic to light a fire in the woods, slowing the knights down so we could leave.”

               Merlin could still remember how it had felt, the fear of being found out and losing everything. It had been heart wrenching, being hunted down by his own friends like a criminal. They hadn’t known and would never know, he was aware of that. But it still hurt like hell sometimes, thinking back on it.

“When I came back,” Merlin continued, holding Arthur’s hand to stay grounded. “Gaius apologised for going to you. I told him that she was working for Alator and that her life was in danger because of me then. He said that it was his fault, not mine, but I reassured him that it was not and hugged him before leaving to find her.”

               Merlin remembered how conflicted he had felt then, torn between his worry for Finna, his anger towards his mentor but also his understanding of the old man’s fear. He had been anxious to know how to help Arthur during the most important battle of their lives. He knew Gaius had done what he thought was right and had wanted to protect him. His anger had been short-lived though he still felt a slight hurt sometimes that Gaius hadn’t trusted him enough. Though fear and worry could lead to making mistakes, he knew that more than anyone and couldn’t exactly resent his mentor for that.

“Were you able to find her again?” Arthur asked, squeezing Merlin’s hand in silent reassurance, which Merlin was eternally grateful for.

“Yeah,” he replied. “She had left marks on the trees with magic to help me. Unfortunately, I crossed path with a patrol so I told the knights I was looking for herbs for Gaius. They told me I shouldn’t be alone because of the dangerous sorceress lurking about. I tried to leave but they wouldn’t allow me to and asked me to stay with them as they looked for her.”

“They took your safety very seriously,” Arthur smiled. “Sometimes I feel like they were even more loyal to you than me.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Merlin chuckled. “Well, except maybe for Gwaine.”

“Oh definitely,” Arthur agreed. “If something had ever happened, he would have taken your side against mine a million times over.”

“That might be true,” Merlin grinned. “Anyway, we made camp for the night and I tried to leave while they slept but Mordred stopped me. I tried to find an excuse but he saw right through me. Though, he said that if I was risking my life, it must be important so he let me go, saying that he would tell the knights he had accompanied me back to the bridge then asked me to be careful.”

“Mordred knew about your magic as well,” Arthur recalled. “He must have guessed you weren’t really in danger from her.”

“Probably, yeah,” Merlin agreed, still feeling a pang of hurt and guilt every time he thought about Mordred. “I went back to following the marks until I finally found her. But then, Saxons found us. I threw two of them back with magic but I got hit by an arrow and she took care of the last one. She got the arrow out and helped me walk so that we could find shelter from Morgana in an abandoned watch tower. When I asked her how she knew about it, she said that when you spend your life running, you know all the hiding places.”

“I am so sorry that your people had to live like this…” Arthur said. “I know it was mostly my father’s fault but I still continued with his teachings in too many ways.”

“Thank you,” Merlin smiled, squeezing Arthur’s hand. “But like I told you before, you have already apologised enough and made up for it aplenty by being willing to learn and listen. I know you feel like it’s too late but I swear to you, it’s not. It’s never too late to do the right thing.”

“I might believe you if you keep saying it,” Arthur replied, offering a half smile.

“It’s okay, I’ll tell you as many times as you need.” Merlin agreed.

               Arthur kissed Merlin’s hand in a silent thank you that Merlin understood clearly. He squeezed Arthur’s hand in response and they exchanged a smile before getting back to the story.

“I told her that it wouldn’t always be like this and she said that it was why she had found me, to help me achieve my destiny,” Merlin explained. “Then, she gave me a box and told me to use it. She asked me not to make the same mistake as you, that I should not trust Mordred. Finally, she urged me to go on to the roof of the tower because they thought she was alone. I refused at first but she said that if Morgana saw us together, she would know who I was and it couldn’t happen. She asked me to give her my sword and told me it had been a privilege to know me. I told her the same before leaving. When I made it up to the roof, I waited until I heard the Saxons leave to call for Kilgharrah who got me and healed me.”

               As Merlin was retelling what had happened, he could feel his eyes fill with tears. He regretted not having been able to know Finna more than he had and could still feel the weight of her death even after all this time.

“What was her name?” Arthur asked softly and Merlin realised he hadn’t told him.

“Finna,” he said in a whisper. “Her name was Finna.”

“Well, thank you Finna, wherever you are now, for saving Merlin and helping him in his lifelong quest of having to deal with my royal arse,” Arthur said, very seriously.

               Merlin let out a laugh between his tears, feeling his heart burst with love for this ridiculous man who was smiling proudly at what he had just done. Merlin shook his head at the silliness, wiping away his tears as his grief lightened a bit.

“After that, I saw that Kilgharrah’s wing wasn’t right,” Merlin continued. “I wanted to heal him but he said that he was old and tired and that his time had almost come. I asked if I would see him again but he just flew away without answering.”

“That’s a bit rude,” Arthur said indignantly.

“It was, yeah,” Merlin chuckled fondly. “Stupid old dragon. When I got back to Camelot, I gave Gaius the box and he opened it. There was a letter inside, which he read out loud.”

“What did it say?” Arthur asked curiously.

“’Let loose the hounds of war, let the dreadfire of the last Priestess rain down from angry skies, for brother will slaughter brother, for friend will murder friend, as the great horn sounds a cold dawn at Camlann, the prophets do not lie, there, Arthur will meet his end, upon that mighty plain.’,” Merlin recited, the prophecy having been etched into his brain permanently.

“Camlann…” Arthur murmured. “How many prophecies were written about me exactly?”

“I’ve lost count,” Merlin chuckled sadly. “Gaius said that my destiny was almost too much for one man to bear but that there was never anyone more capable than me and I would not fail. For once, he was wrong…”

               It was the most painful thing he still had in mind. Merlin had failed to save Arthur, he hadn’t been able to defy the prophecy, no matter how hard he had tried.

“You did your best, Merlin…” Arthur tried to reassure him.

“And it wasn’t enough,” Merlin whispered, tears welling up in his eyes once more and rolling down his cheeks.

               Arthur didn’t say anything to that, simply dropping Merlin’s hand to put his arms around him and hold him close. He stroked his back and hair soothingly, letting him cry his heart out on his shoulder.  Merlin had never felt so grateful for him, as he allowed himself to feel his grief and let all his feelings out from the tight grip he had on them. It was both freeing and agonising, breaking his heart and healing it all at the same time. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that before he started falling asleep, but he hoped that he would feel a bit lighter the next morning.

Chapter Text

               As they were getting close to the story of his death, Arthur could see how much of a toll it was getting on Merlin. He had trouble sleeping and the dark smudges under his eyes were proof of it. His smiles were less brilliant than before and he tended to get lost in his thoughts more often. It was quite unnerving how silent Merlin could get sometimes, when he was usually such a chatterbox.

               Arthur didn’t really know how to help and simply tried his best to be there for Merlin, show his support in small ways and give him space when he needed it. He had suggested they take a break from the stories to give Merlin time to recover but his husband had not wanted to hear it. He was dead set on getting through with it and Arthur really hoped that it would help him get the closure he desperately needed.

“Are you ready for your story?” Merlin asked with a strained smile that broke Arthur’s heart.

“We don’t have to do it tonight if you’re not up to it, you know?” Arthur reminded him gently.

“I want to,” Merlin insisted. “I need to.”

“Then I’m all ears,” Arthur agreed, taking hold of Merlin’s hand in silent support.

               He was rewarded with a small but more genuine smile from Merlin and the sight warmed his heart. He would do anything to keep that smile on his face.

“Alright, let’s do this,” Merlin breathed. “We were coming back from a hunting trip and discovered that a patrol had been attacked. You had asked everyone to look for survivors and that’s when I saw Mordred letting what I thought was a Saxon get away. When we were back in Camelot, Gaius noticed that I was distracted and I told him I couldn’t trust Mordred but he said I was wrong. I told him what I had seen but once again, Gaius said that I shouldn’t judge him. I couldn’t trust him after all I had heard though. Gaius said that Mordred was fond of you and that you were friends but what scared me was that you seemed blind to him. I wasn’t.”

               Arthur knew exactly what story Merlin was telling and he braced himself for it. He didn’t say anything, simply listened to what he had to say about what had happened. Merlin’s face was hard and filled with grief at the same time. He looked torn about what had happened and Arthur vowed to himself he would help him find the peace he deserved after all this time.

“Later that day, I found Mordred coming back from somewhere and asked him where he had been,” Merlin continued. “He asked me why I questioned him and thought the worst of him so I told him that I had seen him let a Saxon go. He explained that it was a druid he knew, that she was wounded and he couldn’t let her die. I asked him where she was and he said that she didn’t mean any harm and would leave a few days later. He asked me not to tell you, because if she was found, she would be killed. He asked me to promise and I swore that his secret was safe with me.”

“And you kept your word,” Arthur added. “I was the one who found her because of the trail he had left when going to her.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Merlin nodded. “She wasn’t that harmless either, I used my magic to stop her from killing you. Of course, when we were back to the castle, Mordred ambushed me. I told him that I hadn’t said anything to you but he didn’t believe me. Fortunately, the knights found us and Mordred left, telling them everything was fine.”

“But it wasn’t fine…” Arthur recalled. “He loved her and I condemned her to death…”

“You didn’t have much of a choice,” Merlin reassured him. “But after he left your chambers, I knew he was going to leave and take her with him so I tried to stop him. He asked me not to, that were I in his position, I would do the same. I tried to make him stop but he admitted he knew I hadn’t betrayed him before and asked me not to do it then.”

               Arthur remembered his conversation with Mordred very well, having rehashed it many times after his betrayal. With that knowledge, he could see how tense he had been then. Merlin had seen what Arthur had been blinded to, that Mordred would do anything to protect her. Love was a powerful thing. Arthur had defied many people and many dangers for love himself.

 “I talked about it with Gaius,” Merlin continued. “He didn’t see the issue but I knew that if Mordred left with Kara, he would go straight to Morgana. Gaius said that surely, I didn’t want Kara to die. I thought that as long as Mordred stayed within Camelot, there was still hope and that I had no choice but to stop him.”

“That’s why you warned me about his betrayal,” Arthur understood.

“Yes, though I’m not sure if that was the right call,” Merlin grimaced. “When he was in his cell, he spoke in my mind, asking why I couldn’t let things be. I tried to find an answer on how to stop him from turning his back on you and I thought that if you were to repeal your sentence, Mordred wouldn’t be turned against you. Gaius didn’t believe that it would work but I had to try.”

“Well, you did manage to convince me,” Arthur said.

“I know,” Merlin sighed. “I remember how you looked at me after she kept confirming her guilt, how you had done your best but didn’t have a choice.”

“You did the same, you know?” Arthur noted.

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked.

“I know you blame yourself for most of what happened to me,” Arthur explained. “For Morgana betraying us, for Mordred joining her… I can see it. Now, I’m not saying you didn’t make some wrong choices, maybe. But everyone does. We’re human, we make mistakes. I made so many mistakes. We all did. You were under so much pressure from those prophecies, with little to no help and information from those who knew about them. Everyone expected you to get it all right by yourself but anyone in your place would have probably crumbled long before. It’s not your fault Mordred decided to betray us.”

               Arthur could see that Merlin didn’t fully believe him, he was frowning, his lips down turned and his eyes becoming glassy and wet. Arthur squeezed his hand in silent comfort and kept going.

“Do you remember when Morgana had taken my kingdom and I had lost all hope? When you brought me to Excalibur?” Arthur asked. At Merlin’s nod, he continued. “When I was questioning why everyone I loved and trusted, my sister, my uncle, kept betraying me, you told me that it wasn’t my fault. They had made their own choices. They craved the power I had or hated me for things I had no control over. Though I could have done more for people with magic, Morgana had betrayed us way before I really had any say into it. And I had already gone against my father multiple times, once by saving Mordred, a druid. Maybe if I had done things differently, maybe if you had, things would have been different. But maybe not. We did the best we could with what information we had at the time and with our own flaws and mistakes. You can’t blame yourself for how Mordred turned against me. You did everything you could.”

               Everything was quiet for a few minutes after that. Merlin seemed to be pondering everything he had just heard and Arthur wanted to give him all the time he needed. Finally, something seemed to break inside of Merlin and he lost the tight grip he had on his emotions, tears rolling free from his eyes which he didn’t try to stop.

“But what if I hadn’t been so cold and distrusting with him?” Merlin asked, sobbing. “He might have listened to me more? If I had tried to accept him and trust him, he could have done the same. I pushed my fear onto him. He knew who I was, knew my destiny, knew my magic. He could have helped me if I had let him in.”

               Arthur hugged him close, letting Merlin cry on his shoulder, stroking his hair and back soothingly. He didn’t try to shush him or stop his tears, knowing that Merlin needed to let it all out of his system. When he seemed to be a bit calmer, Arthur gently took his face in his hands, wiping away the tears on his cheeks and looking straight into his eyes.

“Maybe he could have, yeah,” Arthur agreed in a soft voice. “But you couldn’t have known that and he didn’t necessarily offer either. He didn’t try to understand why you acted the way you did. No one, in all the stories you have told me, except maybe Gaius sometimes, tried to understand what you were going through and helped you find the right path. You were just a boy when you were told about your destiny and you were supposed to figure it all out by yourself? Hiding the biggest secret of your life in a city that would have seen you dead? I’m sorry my love but to me, it’s like you were set for failure from the beginning. And I’m so sorry you had to endure all of that alone, but it’s over now. You are allowed to heal. You are allowed to rest. You can grieve and move on. You did your best, as did all of us. You should not have been held to such standards by anyone. Not even me.”

               Merlin didn’t say anything to that but his eyes filled with tears once again and he let himself fall in Arthur’s arms once more. Arthur decided that it was enough for one night. He would let Merlin process everything he had said, hoping that it would help. In the meantime, he would hold him as long as he needed to. For all eternity, if that was what it would take.

Chapter Text

               Merlin didn’t really know how he was feeling. The story from the night before had been short but had stirred so many emotions inside of him that he felt drained and empty. Arthur’s words were still turning around in his head and he wasn’t really sure how he felt about them either. It was hard to believe everything he had said after spending centuries thinking the opposite. He needed to try though. He wanted to heal and finally be able to leave the past behind them. He hoped that this last story would give him the closure he desperately needed. It would probably be one of the hardest he had to tell Arthur, as his death was still a somehow fresh wound.

               Speaking of Arthur, he had been more wonderful than Merlin could have ever dreamt of. He was very aware of Merlin’s state of mind and obviously tried his best to give him space while being there for him and Merlin couldn’t have been more grateful. Through all the mess that were his feelings, his love for Arthur and their devotion to each other was the one thing he was completely sure about, anchoring him to this world as his mind kept getting lost in the past.

               They had prepared everything for this last story. They had built a blanket fort in the middle of the living room, helped by Merlin’s magic, with the softest cushions and covers, creating a little cocoon of warmth and love. Arthur had made them both a hot chocolate and Merlin’s magic, having a mind of its own, had decided to create small lights inside the fort, like floating stars or fireflies. As they settled in, they both sighed in bliss at the comfort of the space and stayed there for a bit, silently, simply enjoying the softness of the moment before getting into the harsh retelling.

               Merlin braced himself for this last tale he had to recount, taking a sip of the hot chocolate which warmed him from the inside and helped relax him a bit more. He was ready.

“This story actually starts with something a bit funny,” Merlin smiled, remembering that event clearly. “We were at the tavern, playing dice, and I robbed you of all your money.”

“Let me guess,” Arthur interrupted, rolling his eyes. “You cheated. With magic. You little sneak.”

“Well, it was good for you to be taken down a peg or two every now and then,” Merlin chuckled.

“How no one noticed your eyes glowing is beyond me,” Arthur added. “I can’t believe I didn’t!”

“Well, in your defence, I think we were all a bit drunk,” Merlin reassured. “I was, anyway. When I got back to my room, I fell into bed to sleep but was attacked by a creature that jumped on my face.”

“Wow, okay, what?” Arthur asked, shocked by the sudden change of mood.

“You heard me,” Merlin winced. “It tried to strike again but Gaius killed it. I noticed that he was hurt on the head before passing out. When I woke up, I asked him what that creature was. He said that it was Morgana’s magic and that Mordred must have told her who I was by then. At first, he thought she had failed. But then, I tried to use magic to get a glass of water and I couldn’t do it.”

“You couldn’t use magic?” Arthur asked. “I thought you were magic incarnate.”

“Yeah, that will come up eventually,” Merlin chuckled humourlessly. “Gaius researched the symbol on the box that was under my bed which the creature had come from. It said that it was the Gean Canach, forged by the tears of the Earth Mother Nemaine. It devours the magic of others and drains them of their power. I thought that those creatures had been destroyed in the Great Purge but obviously, one hadn’t.”

“That sounds horrible,” Arthur grimaced.

“It was,” Merlin agreed. “Especially as that’s exactly when Morgana started her attack. Gaius was sure that she had picked the moment I was most vulnerable to do that. I asked him what we were going to do and Gaius told me that I would help tend to the wounded, that my skills as physicians were still of use. I had never felt so useless in my life, though.”

               Merlin shivered as he remembered how it had felt to be without his magic. It had been like being emptied of his life, emptied of everything that made him who he was. It had been devastating, especially in a moment where people he loved needed his protection.

“That’s when we decided to go to Camlann, wasn’t it?” Arthur asked softly.

“Yes,” Merlin nodded, tensing at the mention of the word that had been scorched inside his mind for all eternity. “Gaius said that we couldn’t go there, that if you went to Camlann, you would die. I knew you wouldn’t change your mind though, because it was the only way you could save your people and that you would be going even if that meant you would die. If I couldn’t stop you from going, I would have to protect you.”

“But you didn’t have your magic anymore,” Arthur pointed out.

“That’s what Gaius said, too,” Merlin smiled sadly. “And I told him I would have to get my magic back. Gaius said that he couldn’t do it, that it was beyond his power but I knew that. I told him I would seek the answer at the birthplace of magic itself.”

“The Crystal Cave?” Arthur asked.

“Yes, exactly,” Merlin smiled, proud that Arthur had remembered that information. “Gaius warned me that the Valley of the Fallen Kings was full of bandits and that without my magic, I wouldn’t stand a chance. Which is why I told him I wouldn’t be going alone and took Gwaine with me.”

“I remember when you said you wouldn’t be coming with us to Camlann,” Arthur grimaced. “I called you a coward that day. I knew you wouldn’t be leaving me for a simple errand for Gaius, not in a time like this and I felt let down. I thought you were abandoning me when I needed you the most.”

“I know,” Merlin said, holding Arthur’s hand. “I didn’t want to leave you. It was the hardest decision of my life. But without my magic, I couldn’t be of any help.”

“I know that now and I’m sorry for calling you a coward, you have always been and always will be the bravest man I’ve ever known,” Arthur declared. “And I know that now more than ever before.”

“Thank you,” Merlin replied, a bit choked with emotions, swallowing the lump in his throat in order to continue his tale. “Obviously, Gwaine and I got attacked by bandits on our way. Gwaine took care of them but I was so scared without my magic. I felt so weak and useless. When we finally got to the cave, I told him that I would continue alone. Gwaine said that I wouldn’t be able to come back to Camelot alone with all the bandits but I reassured him that if I found what I was looking for, I wouldn’t have a problem. He asked me what it was but I said I couldn’t tell him, that he had to trust me. Then, I asked him to go because you would need him by your side. He gave me his sword before leaving and told me that he hoped I would find what I was looking for.”

               Merlin could still remember the way Gwaine had looked at him that day. It had been the last time they had ever seen each other. There had been something in his eyes though, like he understood what Merlin was doing. He had always wondered if Gwaine had known about his magic then. He would never know. But he hoped his friend knew how much he had helped him and how grateful Merlin was for everything he had done for him.

“When I got inside the cave though, Morgana was waiting for me,” Merlin continued. “She was hiding and kept taunting me. I asked her to face me. Then, she appeared before me and used her magic to make a part of the cave fall down, blocking me inside. I tried to move the stones but couldn’t breach them. I was stuck and hurt. I didn’t know what to do, especially without my powers. That’s when I saw a light coming from inside the cave. I went towards it and emerged inside the room with the crystals but I passed out because of my injuries.”

“How did she know you had been there?” Arthur asked. “No one should have been aware of it. Did she use magic to find you?”

“Actually, Gwaine had started some kind of relationship with a girl that was taken to Camelot for safety, after her village had been attacked by Morgana,” Merlin explained. “But she was actually working for her and he had told her we were going to the Valley of the Fallen Kings. Morgana must have guessed why I was going there.”

“That sounds like Gwaine,” Arthur smiled sadly.

“It does,” Merlin chuckled a bit. “Anyway, I was woken up by a voice calling my name. It was my father’s spirit. He asked me not to let go and not to give in but I said that I had no reason to go on, that the battle was over and Morgana had won. Balinor said that it would be only if I accepted defeat but if I fought and let hope into my heart, Morgana couldn’t win. I asked him what hope there was without my magic. He knelt next to me and told me I was more than a son of my father, I was a son of the earth, the sea, the sky and that magic was the fabric of the world, that I was born of that magic, that I was magic itself and I couldn’t lose what I was. When I asked how I could find myself, he said that I had to believe what my heart knew to be true, that I had always been and always would be. Then he told me to rest and that soon, I would awaken into the light.”

“Well, your encounter with your father’s spirit was much more pleasant than mine, I guess,” Arthur grimaced. “I’m glad he could be there for you and that you were able to see him again, though.”

“Thank you,” Merlin smiled. “When I woke up later, my father was gone but I was healed. I immediately tried to use my magic and managed to create a blue butterfly. My magic was back.”

“Was that the same butterfly you created when I asked you to show me your magic the first time?” Arthur asked in wonder.

“Exactly the same, yes,” Merlin answered, happy that Arthur had remembered that as well. “After that, I used my magic on the crystals to see what was happening in the battle. That’s how I saw the hidden path Morgana was planning to use and was able to reach out to you and warn you about it.”

“I have to say, that was such a strange experience,” Arthur said. “I don’t know how I knew I could trust that dream, at least I thought it had been a dream then. But you definitely prevented our total loss with that warning.”

“Glad I could help,” Merlin smiled. “Balinor was back and I thanked him for his help. I said that I followed in his footsteps but he told me that my journey had just begun, that I wielded a power I couldn’t yet conceive and that only in the heart of the cave my true power would be revealed. He told me to move towards the light and that my destiny awaited. He asked me not to be afraid, to trust in what I was and what would be. I did as he said but stopped to say goodbye, to which he responded that there were no goodbyes for he would always be as I would always be.”

“Did he know you were immortal?” Arthur asked.

“Probably, yeah,” Merlin replied. “Or he might have had an inkling. I climbed up towards the light and got out of the cave as Dragoon with my staff before riding as fast as I could to join the battle.”

“I remember how you just appeared out of nowhere, shooting lightning on the Saxons,” Arthur recalled. “It was both terrifying and fascinating.”

“I was able to get Morgana as well,” Merlin added. “I also made Aithusa leave. That was the last time I ever saw her.”

               Thinking about the white dragon made his heart break a little. How different things could have been if he hadn’t left her alone after hatching her. He would never know. And they were coming to the most difficult part of his story.

“I tried to find you on the battlefield,” Merlin continued, his voice wavering with emotions. “But I was too late to save you from Mordred. I found you unconscious but alive and carried you away.”

               Merlin could feel the tears start to build up in his eyes with every memory of that time which came back in his mind. He could picture so clearly the moment he had found Arthur, lying on the ground. How scared he had been that it was too late, the relief he had felt that he was alive before everything had come crashing down again.

               He felt Arthur’s arm come around his shoulders, holding him close in a side hug and dropping a soft kiss on his head. Merlin closed his eyes, concentrating on the rise and fall of Arthur’s chest against his, breathing in time with him and reminding himself that he was very much alive. When he felt a bit calmer, he continued his story.

“After Gaius had checked on you, he told me that there was a fragment of the blade embedded in your chest,” Merlin explained, trying not to let his voice waver too much. “I wanted to use magic to draw it out but Gaius said that the blade that had struck you was no ordinary blade, it had been forged in a dragon’s breath. Aithusa’s in this case.”

“Just like Excalibur,” Arthur understood.

“Exactly,” Merlin nodded. “Gaius explained that the blade’s point was moving inexorably towards your heart and not even I could thwart such magic, that it would take powers ancient as the dragons themselves. But we needed to do something. Gaius said that only the Sidhe possessed such powers and that I had to take you to the lake of Avalon, where their power rested. He also told me that I had been right to tell you about my magic. I also warned him that Eira, Gwaine’s lover, couldn’t be trusted because I knew I had been betrayed. I asked him how long you had, to which he said that you had at best two days. Before we left, he told me that he would have my favourite meal waiting for me.”

“Did he?” Arthur asked, smiling softly.

“I can’t really remember, to be honest,” Merlin chuckled wetly, wiping away the tears that had started to fall without his notice.

“I’m sure he did,” Arthur said, holding Merlin close. “Gaius always kept his promises.”

“He did, didn’t he?” Merlin agreed.

               They shared a companionable silence, both lost in their memories. Merlin kept seeing their journey to the lake, how he had shown his magic to Arthur, how his king had started to change his view a bit and asked him to always be himself.

“I failed you,” Merlin whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I couldn’t save you. When you collapsed, I called for Kilgharrah and asked him to take us to the lake but it was too late. That’s when he told me that there was another prophecy, that when Albion’s need was greatest, you would rise again. I threw Excalibur into the lake where Freya caught it and took it back under the water. Then, I sent you away on a boat and burned your body with my magic.”

               Merlin fell silent, letting his tears fall freely on his face. It was over. He had done it. He had told Arthur everything he hadn’t known about their previous life together. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt, both lighter and filled with grief, the memory of Arthur’s death so fresh in his mind at that moment.

               Arthur didn’t say anything for a long time, letting Merlin get his emotions out and probably processing things on his own as well. After a few moments, he let go of Merlin’s shoulders and manoeuvred them so they were sitting face to face.

“I came back, which means that Albion’s need was greatest?” Arthur asked. “Do you know what that means?”

“I’m not really sure,” Merlin replied honestly, wiping his eyes. “I waited so many years for you, witnessed so many wars and horrors, thinking you would finally come back but you never did. Nothing is happening in the world right now that would be worse than what we went through already.”

“I might have a theory,” Arthur said, smiling.

“Okay, let’s hear it then,” Merlin urged him on.

“When I came back, you were in a horrible state,” Arthur explained. “I had never seen you like that. You looked like you were about to die on the spot.”

“Yeah, I was pretty bad,” Merlin recalled, a bit ashamed.

“Merlin, don’t you get it? You are all that is left of Albion,” Arthur said. “Your need for me to come back was the greatest. You are Albion. I mean, we are now I guess.”

               Merlin pondered that idea for a minute. It kind of made sense in a way.

“Well, I’ll agree to that theory if it means that there is no longer any threat we need to deal with,” Merlin joked.

“Agreed,” Arthur chuckled.

               They lapsed into silence once again, both thinking about everything they had shared and how much work they had done to get there in that instant.

“How are you feeling?” Arthur asked, finally.

“I’m not sure,” Merlin answered. “I think I feel a bit lighter, like some of the weight I’ve been carrying all this time is finally gone. I still feel a lot of grief though. I think it’ll take some time before I can completely let go of so much pain. You don’t even know about everything I’ve done during the millennia you were gone.”

“We have all the time in the world for that,” Arthur reassured. “I’ll be there to listen to it all, whatever you want to share with me.”

               Merlin smiled at that, feeling like he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. He might never be completely fine ever again. Healing took time and effort, it wasn’t linear. But he wasn’t alone anymore, he had someone who loved and accepted him fully, who listened and helped him grow. He was allowed to share his feelings, his thoughts, every one of his deepest secrets. He didn’t have to hide who he was anymore. Arthur knew it all or, at least, the most important things. They had grown so much together and they still had many more years to continue on their journey, hand in hand, united against the world in a way they never had the opportunity to be in the past. Merlin didn’t know where their journey would take them but he couldn’t wait to see everything they would do together for the rest of their lives.

THE END