Archive of Our Own ^beta

The campaign on Tibrin had been a disaster.
After Count Dooku had killed their former leader the native Ishi Tib populace had aided the CIS in their fight against the GAR, leading to a catastrophic Republic defeat.
Many brothers had lost their lives, had died for nothing and were now left behind to rot on the battle fields as the few surviving ones beat a hasty retreat, the fragmented companies of 41^st, 212^th and 501^st fleeing aboard their last operational Venator.

Skywalker had called them lucky when they´d managed to finally jump into hyperspace just seconds before getting blown to pieces by the overwhelming number of Separatist cruisers.
But now as Rex sat in his office, surrounded by hundreds, thousand of causality reports and an evenly great number of reports of those troopers injured the captain could describe Skywalker´s choise of words only as an ill one.
Nothing about this was lucky. 41^st, 212^th and 501^st had lost more men than he could count and Coric had already told Rex that the number of causalities would only go upwards in the days to follow. They just had too many wounded and too little supplies to save them all.

Putting down his datapad Rex closed his eyes, his right hand coming up to cover them as he took in a shaky breath full of grief and agony. First the battle of Teth wiping out most of Torrent Company and now Tibrin, ripping so many men, so many brothers from him.
A quiet whimper escaped his throat as a tear ran down his cheek. So many troopers… gone. So many friends lost. So many lives extinguished for nothing.

His comm chirping made him open his eyes and for a moment he just stared at it with glassy eyes before he wiped the tears from his face, clearing his throat, then he picked up the call.
“Captain Rex here. What is it?”
“Denal here, captain.”, the trooper answered, uncertainty swinging in his voice as he continued, “We… I mean Ridge and myself, we just wanted, you know… we wanted to ask you if you could use some help?”
“That´s a negative, trooper.”, Rex replied instantly. Burdening his men with something so grueling as going over the causality reports was the last thing he wanted, especially after such a horrible campaign.
“But captain, I, we are worried for you!”, Ridge chimed in, his voice still hoarse from the smoke inhalation he´d suffered, “You´ve barely left your office since you came aboard, I didn´t see you in the mess just once!”
“He´s right, Rex. When´s the last time you ate, or slept?”, Denal continued.
“Drop it, trooper.”, Rex cut in, his voice bearing a hint of command, “I´m fine.”
“You´re not!”, Denal exclaimed so loudly that Rex´s ears hurt, “You are definitely not! Rex, for stars sake, let us help you!”
“I don’t need you to help me I can handle things myself.”, Rex snapped, closing the line without any kind of goodbye and immediately regretted it.
Denal and Ridge were just worried about him, had wanted to help him and he as their captain had just shouted at them, now when they needed his support more than ever.

T ears stung in the corners of his eyes so he reached up with his right hand again, wiping them away, only now recognizing how much his hand was shaking.
He tried to pick up his datapad from the desk but it just slipped through his grip, his fingers too weak to hold it on their own and when he reached for it with his left hand a sharp pain shot through his shoulder and side, making him stop mid-motion his teeth gritted tightly in an attempt to silence the pained noise slipping past his throat.
Kriff, what a mess he was.
With the help of his shaking right hand he guided his left arm back into its former position, the upper arm parallel to his side and the forearm wrapped tightly around his abdomen, which made the now pulsing pain from the two untreated blaster wounds easier to bear. Alright, technically the wounds weren´t untreated but the makeshift bandages he´d wrapped around them on his own did little to ease his suffering and it felt like his t houghtless movement had ripped open parts of the burnt skin, leaving it to weep fresh blood.

A voice in his head sounding suspiciously like Cody screamed at him to get his shebse to medbay ASAP but Rex couldn´t, he just couldn´t. Coric had his hands full as it was and they had not enough supplies anyway, so going to medbay would simply be a waste of time.
Moreover, Rex had a more important task to accomplish right now. And that was finding Denal and Ridge and apologizing for his behavior.

B iting back a groan of pain Rex stood up from where he´d been sitting at his desk, put on his helmet and then made his way out of his office with steps that were more shaky than he´d like it.
The hallway was empty and quiet as he walked it down, always staying next to one of the walls in case his legs would suddenly give out underneath him.
When he turned around a corner he passed by two troopers of the 41 ^st , the green marked soldiers throwing him a sharp salute as he walked by while their visors were tilted in a concerned looking way.
Their reaction fueled Rex to straighten his back, to watch his slightly stumbling steps more even if this put more strain on his hidden wounds. But he could bear it, suppress his suffering for the men.

When he finally entered the mess hall, the place where he suspected Ridge and Denal to be, after all it was lunch time, he felt like he´d just ran a marathon. Sweat was running down his face and neck, his whole body felt weak and shaky and his feet felt like they would give out any moment now. His wounds also were acting up, pulsating with his fast heart beat and making him clench his teeth in pain as he quickly surveyed the mess, keeping a look out for Ridge and Denal.
It didn´t take him very long to find them, only after a few seconds he spotted them sitting at a table at the back of the hall, having lunch while talking to a few of their newer recruits.
The recruits´ armors were still white but anything but shiny anymore and if Rex recalled it right their names were Jesse, Hardcase and Kix, the latter of them being a junior medic working under Coric.

Hardcase was the first to notice him. “Hey, captain. You´re joining us?”, he called, shifting around where he was sitting as if he´d just had five cups of strong ca f f.
“ Men.”, Rex greeted them, opting to sit down at the head of the table. He was glad that he wore his helmet or otherwise the others would´ve been able to see and hear the pain he was going through.
“ I didn´t think you´d join us.”, Denal remarked but his voice wasn´t judging just concerned and Rex didn´t miss the way Ridge was scanning him with his eyes.
“ I thought I could use a little break.”, Rex answered his tone apologetic, “I´m sorry for what I said.”
“ No big deal, cap.”, Ridge answered, giving him a friendly smile while Denal slip his cup of coffee and a ration bar over to Rex. “Here, you look like you can use it.”

R ex swallowed, just now realizing into what kind of situation he´d just brought himself. In order to eat and drink he´d have to take of his helmet and then the others would be able to see his face and every line of pain there.
But there was no turning back now, not without sparking further suspicions so he reached up with only his right hand – moving his left arm without pain had become nearly impossible at this point – and after an embarrassingly long moment of fumbling he took of his helmet, placing it on the table next to him while trying to put on a neutral, relaxed face.
“ Thanks, Denal.”, he said, trying to keep his voice steady and then took a sip from the caff, behaving like nothing was wrong.
But when he lifted his gaze he noticed that the whole table was staring at him in various degrees of shock and concern.
Kriff, did he really look that bad?

“Captain, what the kark!”, of course it was the young medic, who found his voice again first, his eyes narrowed to slits and the lightening bolts shaved into his hair just underlining the pissed look on his face.
“I´m fine, Kix.”, Rex replied, trying to give the kid a casual smile, “Just a little tired that´s all.”
“I´m not buying your shit.”, Hardcase exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest, a look on his face like he´d just made the discovery of the century.
“Shinies are not wrong there.”, Ridge said, giving his captain a mad stare while Denal added, “Are you trying to kill yourself, Rex?”
It was then that the last trooper, Jesse, also chimed in. “You shouldn´t talk to captain Rex like that, but you´re right.”

R ex sighed, trying to ignore the trickling feeling of sweat running down his temples as he repeated. “I´m fine.”
Kix was about to protest vehemently but Hardcase was faster.
“Mind if I test this statement, sir?”, the hyperactive trooper asked and before Rex could even process what he could possible mean with that Hardcase had already picked up his plate, flinging it at Rex with deadly accuracy, aiming right at his left shoulder.
Rex reacted on instinct alone. His right hand was still holding the cup of caff so his left hand flew up to catch the plate and only now his brain recognized that this had been a terrible idea.
A agonized scream ripped from his throat as the sudden movement ripped open the barely scabbed over blaster wounds and before he knew it he collapse d to the floor, his eyes staring up at the monotone, grey ceiling as he panted for breath.

“See? I was right!”, he heard Hardcase exclaim triumphantly as his vision swam with tears, his hearing coming and going in waves.
“Idiot! …. Captain! …. Rex …. hear me?”
A hand on his right shoulder gave him something other than the pain to focus on and when he slowly tilted his head to the side he spotted Ridge and Denal kneeling right next to him, worry written all over their faces.
“ ´m, fine.”, Rex panted, trying to reassure them as his wounds pulsated with agony, “Don´t worry.”

“With all due respect, shut up, sir.”
Only now he noticed that Kix was kneeling on his other side, the junior medic´s execution of Coric´s I´m-super-pissed-and-mad-at-you look almost flawless as their eyes met and still, the medic´s voice was full of care and gentleness.
“Jesse, help me peel him out of his shell, would you?”, Kix continued, his hands already clicking open the latches of Rex´s chest plate with clinical precision.
Rex shuddered, biting down on his bottom lip to distract himself from the hands taking of his upper armor, their touch reminding him too much of the cold and cruel touch of the Kaminoan scientists studying the little mutie cadet.
His anxiety sparked higher when Kix carefully pulled of the captain´s upper blacks, the cold air of the room hitting his now bare chest, making him shudder involuntarily and yet he managed to suppress his panic.

“Kriff.”, the whispered word brought him back into the here and now.
“Kriff indeed.”, Denal muttered his eyes shining bright with concern as he took in the makeshift, bloody bandages covering the blaster wounds.
“Coric, this is Kix.”, the young medic hailed his superior over the comms, “Captain Rex just collapsed. Patient is spotting two blaster wounds of unknown severity and shows signs of infection. Respiratory rate and pulse elevated. Send a stretcher here ASAP.”
“Copy that. Stretcher enroute.”, Coric answered professionally, a string of orders and then of curse words audible over the comm line before it went silent.
Silent like the world around Rex as darkness took him and swept him away.

---------

When he woke up again he was in medbay, bundled up in a cot next to commander Gree´s. And sitting there, in between the beds was Cody giving Rex a conflicted look.
“Kote, I…”, Rex began, only for his voice to forsake him.
Cody stood up from his stool, offering Rex a cup of water that the blond gulped down in no time. Kriff, he hadn´t known how thirsty he was.
“How are you feeling?”, Cody asked, setting the cup down on the bedside table before sitting down on the bed, placing a warm hand on Rex´s shoulder.
“ ´m fine.”, the captain responded, earning himself a tired sigh from Cody.
“Rex, this isn´t Kamino.”, the commander in orange said quietly, “There is no need to suppress your suffering when there are brothers around that are eager to help you.”
“I know.”, Rex whispered, his gaze straying to the side, ashamed.
“Hey.”, Cody murmured, gently gripping Rex´s chin and making him meet his gaze, “I know it´s hard. After everything that happened to you on Kamino… just promise me you´ll try okay? You don´t have to handle things on your own, you got your brothers. And they are more than willing to have your back.”
Cody paused, a mischievous grin spreading over his face. “Talking about your brothers. You gave Hardcase quiet a scare. The poor lad is probably still pacing in front of the medbay, just waiting to bolt in here and apologize.”
“Then what´s holding him back?”, Rex asked curiously.
“I am.”
And this was the only warning Rex got before Coric appeared at his bedside.