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AUDREY
(While a knock-off of the Cell Block Tango instrumentals that is just different enough to not get me sued plays in the background) I met Officer James Young at The Gutter about five years ago
And he told me it could slip his mind to arrest me for soliciting if I… "blew it and more" again after a date
…So I said sure
And the green of my dreams (and your eyes) was drowned in blue
He'd patrol the streets with his gun, crack some joke about… investigating… mine
He'd switch to… his knives… so I couldn't pretend it was you like with Orin
…And then I found out
"Single," he'd told me
…The trace of Estee Lauder still on his uniform had told me something different
Something like "The real woman he's with brings out a better side of him"
…Which was also a lie. I found out there was no better side of him when the woman… Crystal… turned out to be more of a girl
She didn't deserve the blackmail and the cuts. And it occurred to me that James had a… sister in Czechoslovakia who could… shall we say purify him
So that night after he snuck Crystal out
I fixed him his coffee as usual
You know, some guys just can't hold their weed killer
CHORUS GIRLS
(Appearing out of nowhere) He had it coming!!!