Chapter Text
Chapter One
Willow
When I was asked that basic ass question in high school, 'Where do you see yourself in 10 years?' I could never have expected the answer to be 'In an abusive marriage, pregnant with no family or friends around to help me'. Maybe it's more like 20 years after high school, but that doesn't change my answer. Meeting Max at the ripe young age of 24 was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I should have avoided any men and continued with my nursing career. When we first met during my shift at the hospital because he broke his leg, I thought, 'I met the most amazing man', he had all my friends and family falling in love with him too. His master manipulation was hard at work to get me trapped and never able to escape. When he mentioned that his family accused him of something horrible and told him they would never forgive him, instead of seeing the red flags flying like the confetti they were, I was like, 'Awww, poor baby!'. God, I'm a fucking idiot.
His manipulations eventually worked too, he found a job away from everyone I knew, in North Carolina all the way to South Dakota, and convinced me it was for the best for our future. God, I feel so stupid. All the well wishes and a naïve hope for a better future with the love of my life far from my family and friends all feel hollow now. Looking back on the weeks before leaving, I wish I could have seen the signs that Max was not who he pretended to be. The loving and doting man I had known for 2 years was slowly disappearing, and a mean-hearted and hateful man took his place. I wish I had never met him.
When we settled into our four-bedroom house in a nice neighborhood with the expectation of growing our family, Max really started to change. The most noticeable changes in Max started when he began to berate me every time I called my friends or my family. Possessive of my time and my attention, even to my female friends and family members. Slowly they stopped trying to call me, just well wishes on major holidays and a Happy Birthday text every year. It hurt, and when the calls and texts eventually stopped almost completely, I cried so hard I almost threw up, because the realization that I was alone really sank in. I wish they had dug their feet in more, and questioned why I was changing and pulling away so much. But I guess after six years of me not reaching out to them and having no grandbabies for them to want to meet, they just drifted away. Out of my life, like I was trash left forgotten on the side of the road.
When we first moved in, I tried to make friends with our neighbors, saying good morning and talking with them while I threw out the garbage. Max would always berate me and tell me to leave our neighbors alone, that they didn't want to be bothered by a stay-at-home wife when they had better things to do. This leads us to now, me barely holding onto my sanity and ability to take care of myself let alone our gigantic house and my bastard of a husband that needs everything done for him.
"Are you even listening to me?!?!" Smash
My shoulders tighten and my eyes stay on the floor looking at the plate I made for Max, smeared all over the dining room floor. Lips quivering and fighting back tears I quietly answer, "I'm sorry, I am listening. Would you like me to make you something else?" I force out in a whisper, taking deep breaths trying to calm down and wait for his response.
"You stupid bitch!! What are you even good for?!?! You can't even make a decent meal, you can't clean, and your barren cunt won't give me any children!!" Max's face is red, eyes bulging, and hands shaking in the air as he rants. "Clean this fucking trash you call food up and order from the Chinese place down the road!!" He sweeps the rest of the dinnerware onto the floor causing it to cascade all over the dining room as he gets up, spittle flying from his lips. As he leaves, my shoulders quiver and I slowly make my way to the broom and dustpan. He turns around suddenly, hand coming up around my throat, and tightens his fingers as his face looms closer.
"If you ever think of disobeying me again," he growls, inches from my face, "I will kill you. Do you understand me?" I nod my head, unable to form words with his hand so tight around my throat. Tears streaming down my face and head, feeling light, he shakes me by the throat, "I said, Do – You – Understand?"
"Yes," I strain to answer, my throat closing, lips quivering, and fear making me lightheaded.
"Good for nothing bitch." He throws me to the floor, making me land in the ruined dinner and broken ceramic plates. "If you know what's good for you, this mess will be cleaned up by the time my food arrives." He throws over his shoulder as he walks to the living room, grabbing a beer from the fridge on the way out.
As I hear the TV turn on, I try to calm my breathing, glad that I got no scratches from the broken ceramic. Shaking from head to toe, I make my way to the home phone on the kitchen counter. Dialing the number, I know by heart now I wait until I hear the familiar voice answer, "Thank you for calling Don's Chinese Kitchen; how can I help you?'
Taking a deep, calming breath, I answer, "Hey, Don! It's Willow, and I was just calling in our regular." Barely holding back my sobs I continue, "Max had a hankering for your delicious food tonight." I confess as cheerfully as I'm able.
Don's laugh filters through the phone. "Willow! It's so good to hear from you, and I was beginning to think you guys forgot about me." He ribs; I force out a chuckle along with him; he continues, "Your regular is in the making as we speak, delivery, right?"
"We could never forget our favorite place, Don! We love you guys. And yes, a delivery, please." I say as confidently as I am able, tears falling freely. Hoping this conversation will end soon.
"Alright, your delivery will be there in about 25 minutes. Have a good night, both of you! Don't be a stranger!" Don happily chirps back, completely oblivious to the horror I have been subjected to.
"You too! It was good talking to you." I calmly respond, hands shaking as I hang up and rush to clean as much as possible. 24 minutes is all I have now.
As I rush to pick up the mess Max made all over the kitchen floor, I keep thinking about what my attorney said, evidence. The only thing I can do is gather as much evidence as possible. My phone has been recording as much as it's able to. I keep it on all day and all night. I periodically send the recordings to my attorney, Courtney, until she says there is enough evidence for me to leave and have an uncontested divorce as well as a restraining order. I think tonight's recording will be the one that sets me free.
After learning I was pregnant two months ago, I've been in contact with Courtney. No child should live like this. I will not allow it. Almost six years is too long for one person, let alone an innocent child. I've also siphoned as much money from our joint savings and checking accounts without drawing suspicion and have rented a cabin as far away as I am able while having the divorce settled and being as secluded as I can be. I'm taking nothing but a suitcase with me to make my getaway as soon and smoothly as I'm able. I will also have Courtney send letters to my family and friends back in North Carolina after I leave, telling them not to trust Max and that I am safe. After the divorce is finalized, I will contact them and tell them everything. No one knows I'm pregnant, and no one will until the divorce is finalized and I am completely separated from Max.
As I finish cleaning up the last bits of food from the floor, the doorbell rings. Sighing, I stand up and wipe my hands on a dish towel before calmly making my way to the front door. Brushing my hair out of my face and tears from my cheeks, I open the door for Tommy, the usual delivery boy, a smile plastered on my face. "Hey, Tommy, thanks for dropping this off for us. We appreciate it every time."
He blushes and looks down at his feet," Thanks, Mrs. Bardot, but you know it's my job to deliver your food." He thrusts the bags of food in front of him, "You know you guys are my uncle's favorite customers. He even gave you an extra serving of dumplings on the house." he proclaims proudly.
"Well, I appreciate it all the same. Thank your uncle for me, and thank you for always being so kind." I grab the food and hand the cash over with an extra $20 for Tommy. "Keep the change, please. I'll see you next time!" I wave at him as he starts stammering over the tip and closing the door as he walks away.
I make my way to the now clean kitchen with the food in hand and start plating Max's dinner. I grab another beer and napkin before making my way to the living room, where Max is yelling at the game on TV. I set the plate on the side table along with his beer. As I start to turn away to head back to the kitchen, he grasps my wrist, grinding my bones, and asks, "You clean up your mess?" in a low voice.
Lips trembling and sweat breaking out on my forehead, I respond in kind, "Yes, I cleaned up my mess." I murmur demurely. The pressure on my wrist softens, and a kiss is placed on my pulse point.
"Good. Would of hated to teach you another lesson in the middle of my game." He slurs, throwing my wrist away from him to snatch his plate up. "Go to bed, I don't want to see you anymore tonight." He demands dismissively, shooing me away as he turns back to the tv and starts to scarf down his dinner.
Whispering a quick "Thank you.", I make my way as quickly as I can to the master bedroom upstairs. I rush in and close the door behind me. I pull my phone out of my back pocket to send today's voice recording to Courtney as soon as the door closes, knowing Max will be distracted for the next few hours. Anticipation builds in my stomach, nausea rushing through me after I hit send and scramble to the bathroom as the nausea makes its way up my throat, looking for an exit. I barely make it to the toilet as I start to heave, but nothing comes out. Laying my head on my arm and taking deep breaths after retching into the bowl, I slowly move to stand. With the voice recordings sent and my nausea fading away, I decide on a hot shower and ensure my essentials are packed and ready to go.
As soon as Courtney tells me it's safe to leave, I'm out. When Max leaves for work, I'll have at least nine hours to travel without him knowing I left. I am taking public transportation after dropping my car off at a bus station to be towed away, paying in cash, keeping my hair under a beanie, and my head down and away from any possible cameras. Just in case Max tries to find me after the divorce papers are delivered to him, and the restraining order is put in place.
After my shower and some breathing exercises to calm my nerves and help keep my nausea at bay, I put my pajamas on and lay down with my phone on silent. Seeing no response from Candice, I closed my eyes and hoped for freedom tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------------
Max's alarm for work wakes me at 6:30 am from my light sleep that I restlessly fell into. Max grunts as he slaps his alarm clock. I roll over and see him staring at me. Nervous from last night's incident, I gave him a shy smile and leaned in to kiss him. Hopefully, he's in a better mood this morning, and he won't hurt me before I can escape.
"Good morning." I whisper as I pull back, "Do you want me to make you breakfast?" I quietly ask as I get up and grab my robe, slipping my phone into my pocket.
He stares at me as he sits in bed, my pulse racing as he gets up and approaches me. He reaches up and cups my cheek as I hold back the flinch his touch causes me to have. "Breakfast would be great." His fingers clench my jaw roughly, "If you think you can get away with what you did last night, you're wrong. When I get home from work tonight, that is when your punishment starts." He growls lowly. He then lightly kisses my cheek and shoves me to the floor.
I landed hard on my back at the unexpected push, and I had no time to try and catch myself, and my back took the brunt of the fall. My hands go to my stomach, hoping he won't kick me where my innocent little baby is growing. I could never forgive myself if my little nugget got hurt because of this despicable excuse of a human being.
He steps over my sprawled, cowering body and makes his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. My hands are shaking as I slowly get up off the floor and readjust my clothes. Max yells out through the bathroom door, "You better get started on breakfast if you don't want your punishment to be worse." he pops his head out the door to stare me down as I jump, startled, and nod my head without making eye contact, as I make my way downstairs to the kitchen as quickly as I can. Shaking and trying not to cry, I open the fridge to grab his favorite breakfast foods and start the coffee maker.
I can do this; I think to myself as I check my phone while breakfast is cooking away on the stove. I gasped, a message from Candice!!
Candice- Willow, you have enough. I will set the paperwork into motion, and will be filed within an hour. Good luck and contact me when you're safe. Congratulations. 6:00 am
My vision blurs as I finish reading the message, my pulse racing and a flood of emotions crashing into me as I skim through the message, a quivering hand covering my mouth to stifle the cry, trying to crawl its way out of my throat. My eyes burn with unshed tears. Oh my god! This is it; this is my ticket to freedom. Footsteps stomping their way down the step shake me from my elation. I quickly put the phone in my pocket and wiped my tears away. I grab a plate and a coffee cup from the cabinets, quietly plate the food, and pour his coffee. As I pick up his breakfast and put it on the table, Max walks in, freshly showered and dressed, ready for work.
"Good, you did as you were told, for once." He admonished, sitting down to eat without even looking at me. Seeming to have passed his test, I bowed my head and started cleaning up the mess I made from breakfast. "When I get home from work, you will be kneeling on the floor of the living room stripped down and my belt next to you." He glances at me as he takes a sip of his coffee. Calm as can be, like he didn't just tell me he will beat me when he gets home tonight.
Briefly glancing up at his face, pulse racing and hands clasped together in front of me, I nod and meekly squeak out a low, "Yes sir, I understand." Hoping to keep him calm and relaxed until he has to leave for work. Chair scraping the floor as he pushes away from the table, he slowly walks towards me, his breath puffing over my forehead, "Now, be a good girl and give me a kiss goodbye." He demanded in a low voice. I slowly look from his chest up and over his cleft chin to his thin lips, disgusted that my life has come to this but tempered by the knowledge that soon I can leave. I can escape from this pathetic excuse of a man and a life of misery if I were to stay.
I lean forward, quickly glancing into his eyes that are boring into me before closing my own and giving him a slow peck on his lips. I hovered in place until he moved back, knowing from experience that if I kissed him too fast, he would punish me before leaving for work, and I couldn't risk that when freedom was so close, I could taste it.
He pulls back after a minute that feels like a lifetime, "Keep this up, and maybe I'll just stay home today. Let the office know that my wife came down with something, and I need to nurse her back to health." he mused, a sinister grin pulling at his lips.
A wave of fear crashes over me, my breath puffing out and my pulse racing as I try to keep a calm façade. "Don't be silly, sweetheart, it's Friday. The weekend is right around the corner, I'm sure your collogues will need you at work." I softly admonish, going for playful but I'm not sure I can pull that off right now. I put my hand gently on his chest and looked into his eyes, pulling the elation I felt from the message Candice sent me into my very being to convince Max that I still love him and can't wait for him to come home.
It must work, because he smiles softly like he used to, before we moved, and leans down for another quick peck on my cheek before he turns back to the table to finish his coffee. "You're right Willow. With this big project coming to an end my stupid fucking coworkers are going to need me to pull this off. Those stupid fuckers would never be able to finish without me." he acquiesced before walking towards the front door. He turns his head to look back at me and sneered "When I get home though, you're all mine." with a click of the front door closing he was gone. Leaving me alone leaning all my weight on the counter behind me, with a mixture of exhilaration and fear; and a messy kitchen.
------------------------------------------------------------
After triple checking my bags to make sure everything I needed was there, I place the note Candice wrote to Max on my behalf on the living room table. After I glance around the house that I was supposed to live happily ever after for the last time, I can feel resentment. I grab my things and turn to the front door. As I lock the door behind me and quickly glance around to make sure none of the neighbors are out and about this morning, I put my bags in the backseat and got into the driver's seat. I shakily put my hands and forehead on the steering wheel and take deep breaths. When I pick my head up and brush away the tears that fell, I put the car in reverse and make my way west.
After all that Max put me through, seeing the signs leading me out of Dickinson, North Dakota, away from Max and that stupid house he bought for us, was the biggest relief I had felt in years. Like a weight has lifted off my shoulders, and I can be me again, no need to cower or to lower myself to make Max feel more superior. A giggle breaks free as I drive further away, feeling high without the drugs. I roll the window down and throw my phone out, laughing as I look in the rearview mirror and see it fall and break apart to scatter along the highway in tiny pieces. The relief is so strong I have to stop at a gas station and get out, just because I can. I didn't need to ask for permission or placate a grown man, I only had to ask myself, and I said 'yes'.
A I stretch my legs and go in for a snack and a bathroom break, only three months into this pregnancy and I feel like I need to pee all the time, I take the time to throw my hair into a low bun and put my beanie on. I use cash for my purchase and don't interact with the cashier. When I get back to the car, I go to the closest bus station and park my car in a spot to get towed, it's in Max's name anyways. I grab my bags and snack as I walk up to the desk and buy my ticket to the town closest to Triple Oak, Montana.
When I sit down on the bus that will take me to my new future, I look out the window and feel hope. The bus starts moving and I take a deep breath and close my eyes; leaning against the window and thinking of everything I will do when I get to the cabin. Camille, my new roommate, was kind enough to make a deal with me so I could live with her as the cabin across the lake from her was already owned, even though Camille has never seen anyone who lives there.
I am grateful as it's a tiny town with no more houses to rent or own. And I will not have any furniture, so it also makes it simpler for Camille. I pull the flip phone I purchased a while ago out of my backpack and put the sim card in and turn it on. I send off a quick text message to Camille to let her know I'm on my way and will be there in a day, as she will be the one to pick me up. I also send a message to Candice to let her know that I am on the bus, and I will call her when I get to the cabin.
After all the important bits are dealt with, I lean back in my seat and dream about my new future. My little nugget, running around in the snow, laughing and living a carefree life. Maybe a few dogs to keep us company, hopefully Camille won't mind. I have always loved dogs; they were easy to understand and very easy to love. Camille said she had one bedroom available that I could use and was very kind to offer for the long-term. There was already a bed and dresser in the room she said I could have, and I could purchase most things in town and order what Triple Oaks doesn't have online. Oh, this is so exciting! I've always dreamed of my first baby, of course I always pictured a husband and my mother with me, but I suppose I can be happy that I'll have another woman around even if we will be strangers to each other.