Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Donnie had been sitting in his lab alone for at least an hour, staring at nothing. Usually when Donnie was in the lab, ideas would be flowing through his mind non stop. His hands would be occupied with whatever project he’d been working on as of late, and he would be as much at peace as was possible for him, considering the life he lived.

Today however, Donnie found himself to be stuck on one subject. His thoughts refused to focus on anything other than the one thing he decidedly did not want to think about, his feelings. Specifically, his feelings regarding his two human friends.

Donnie spun himself around in his chair, sighing. He promptly laid his head down on his lab table after completing the rotation. Turning his head to look at the time, he groaned.

“What is wrong with me?”

He leaned his head back, dragging his hands down over his face and slouching into the embrace of his chair.

Donatello had been facing a conundrum of sorts as of late, finding his obsession on the relationship between Casey and April shifting its focus away from April. This was something he didn’t understand. Donnie hated things he didn’t understand.

April was a kindhearted, open minded, gorgeous girl; intelligent in more ways than one. She was a strong fighter, a fast learner, and a brilliant young woman. She went out of her way to spend time with Donnie and his brothers. She treated Donnie kindly, she cared about him, she never made him feel less-than. April was basically perfect, any guy would want to be with her.

Donnie had thought that was what he wanted. He loved April, he could spend hours upon hours with her, he never got tired of her. Donatello wanted to hug April, to watch movies with her, share his theories and his projects with her. He wanted to protect her, to stay by her side through all the good and all the bad the world would throw her way. Donnie thought that meant he wanted to be with April, that he loved her in a romantic sense.

Until Casey Jones entered the picture. Because, apparently, life can never be so simple.

Casey was loud, brash, impulsive, clumsy, and less than intelligent. He seemed to skate through life without a clear direction or objective in mind, pushing his way onward with brute force and dumb luck. He was cocky and abrasive, willing to take as much as he was able to dish out in a fight.

Where Donnie fought with calculated, precise, and graceful movements, Casey swung, smashed, and clawed his way through every encounter with reckless abandon. Casey tackled every problem head on. For what he lacked in foresight and strategy he made up for with grit and determination.

To Donnie, Casey was sort of a foil. They were essentially polar opposites, embodying everything the other wasn’t. Casey made Donnie’s flaws feel glaringly obvious, he seemed to drag up Donnie’s weaknesses and shortcomings just by being himself. As much as Donnie hated to admit it, Casey had traits that Donnie wished he had.

Casey was so casually affectionate with April. He would sling an arm around her shoulders while sitting on the couch, rest his chin on her head as they looked at something on her laptop, lean on her back when he was tired or upset, hug her when he was excited, and a thousand other little things. He touched April with such little hesitance, slipped so seamlessly into her space, and Donnie couldn’t help but wish it were him. He wanted to be able to express his love so effortlessly, and receive it just as thoughtlessly.

But that was where the confusion began to seep into his thoughts.

When Donnie would watch April and Casey interact, he would hyper focus on every little touch they shared. He wished it were him. But as Donnie thought about these moments between April and Casey, he began to realize that it wasn’t Casey he envied, but April.

When Casey would hug April, or rest his arm on her shoulder, it wasn’t Casey that Donnie wanted to be. When April would lean into Casey’s side, or link her arm with his, he wasn’t wishing he could be on the receiving end of that affection. It was never Casey’s place in the relationship Donnie wanted, it was April’s.

This particular, earth shattering realization led Donnie to his current position. Slumped over in his desk chair, locked away in his lab, and trying in vain to drown out his thoughts with heavy metal.

He’d only ever been afraid that Casey and April would get together because he feared that they’d both forget about him. He wanted April’s attention because she was his best friend, not because he had a crush on her. His affections laid with Casey.

Casey fucking Jones.

Of all people, why did it have to be Casey Jones? April seemed like the obvious choice, but Donnie just had to find himself falling for Casey.

When Donnie had wished he could just have normal teenage problems, this wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he muttered angrily at himself.

Donnie begrudgingly hauled himself out of his desk chair, balancing himself on the lab table with his hands. He glanced across its surface, trying to think of what to do with himself. Finding that unhelpful, Donatello began to pace alongside the table.

“There’s no way I’m going to get this off my mind,” he reasoned with himself. “I have to actually— eugh —talk about my feelings here, don’t I?”

Donnie paused his pacing, glancing at his hands. He shook them out, then continued walking back and forth along the length of the workbench. Sure, pacing wasn’t exactly productive, nor was it helpful to his current predicament, but the repetitive action was comforting and calming. It helped to relieve a bit of the stress Donatello was feeling, even if only marginally.

“Ok- ok, so, I definitely can’t talk to Raph about this. I mean, if he doesn’t immediately start laughing at me and mocking me, he’ll either start telling me how hopeless and pathetic this is, or run off to tell Casey. Or both. Which is not ideal.”

Donnie picked up a notebook off his desk, flipping it to an empty page. He began to scribble down the names of his friends and family members, alongside why, and (mostly) why not, talking to them would be helpful.

“Mikey... Mikey could help. I mean, he’s more emotionally intelligent than Raph, that’s for sure. But there’s no way he could keep this a secret. He probably wouldn’t even take it seriously- or not seriously enough. So, Mikey is out of the question.”

Donnie sat back down in his chair. It was easier to furiously write up his list whilst sitting down.

“I could talk to Leo, he’d probably have some decent advice,” Donnie paused for a moment. “No, who am I kidding? He’d make fun of me almost as much as Raph would. Even if he didn’t, he’d probably tell Raph eventually.”

“Then there’s April. April is smart, she probably knows about this relationship stuff. Though, if I told April, I’d have to tell her how I came to this conclusion, which would be awkward. She might not even want to talk to me after.”

Donnie crossed out April’s name on the list, scribbling down ‘OUT OF THE QUESTION.’

“I could ask Sensei for advice, but who talks to their dad about their crushes?” Donnie briefly considered the fact that he wouldn’t really know, since he doesn’t know many humans— or all that much about real life human familial relationships.

‘Do NOT talk to your father’ Donnie wrote down.

“Disappointment for my taste in men aside, I don’t even know how Sensei would react to finding this out! He doesn’t strike me as someone who’d have any problems with queer people, but it’s not like that’s a topic that comes up in conversation very often. He was raised in a very traditional Japanese household, so he could end up hating me. Oh god what if he-“ Donnie cut himself off with a deep breath in. “Calm down, Donatello. Calm down.”

He examined the list he created. “Who else do I even know?”

There were the Mutanimals, but Donnie wasn’t too close with any of them. Plus, if he were to turn to one of them for advice, Dr. Rockwell would certainly find out what was going on. Not that Donatello didn’t trust Rockwell but, well- no it was exactly that. How could he really trust any of the Mutanimals to keep his feelings a secret when he didn’t even know any of them that well.

“There’s Karai,” Donnie hesitantly considered. “She’s my sister... sort of. She might help me. Probably not though. She’d either make fun of me, tell Leo, tell Sensei, or just tell me it’s not her problem. And she’d definitely tell her freaky little witch friend, who would absolutely make fun of me.”

“Why is this so difficult!?”

Donnie looked at his list one last time. There were only two other people he knew. Casey, who he planned to never speak a single word of this to, and Mr. Murakami.

“Mr. Murakami,” Donatello muttered. “That could be worth a shot. He’s got to be well experienced in human life and love, and he’d never tell anyone!” He slammed his notebook shut and shoved it half hazardously into a drawer of his workbench.

As he got up to go visit Murakami, Donnie realized two problems he’d have to navigate before he even got to the noodle shop. First, leaving the lair without any of his brothers noticing. And second, returning from the restaurant without any lingering evidence of having been there.

Leo would most certainly catch him on the way out, considering that he was having a Space Heroes marathon. To avoid Leo’s suspicions, Donnie would have to have a believable lie, with no room for Leo to insist one of his brothers accompany him. Donnie telling a believable lie was unlikely to happen in the first place. Then, upon his return home, Mikey would smell the scent of Murakami’s noodle shop on him before he even entered the lair. The prodding on why he would ever go without the rest of them, why he wouldn’t bring them food home, and why he wouldn’t tell them he was going would cause the headache of the century. Not to mention the fact that even if Leo didn’t catch the noodle scent on Donnie, Mikey’s questions would definitely blow his cover.

Donnie sighed, dropping his weight back into his chair. He pulled his notebook back out of the drawer, scratching out Murakami’s name. The page looked like a mess of scribbles, and Donnie had found himself back at square one. Closing the book and staring at its cover, Donnie was struck with an idea.

If he couldn’t talk to anyone about his feelings towards Casey, he’d write his feelings.

He tossed the notebook he was holding off to the side. He’d need a lot of empty pages, and an inconspicuous book to hold them. He found an empty journal deep within a drawer in his lab, and wrote ‘THEORETICAL QUANTUM PHYSICS’ on its cover, just to make it that unappealing to his brothers. Then, to make sure they wouldn’t find anything of interest if they did decide to pry, Donnie filled the first few pages with equations, calculations, and diagrams.

Satisfied with his disguised journal, Donnie got down to the real business. His feelings.

Casey Jones,

I think I’m falling in love with you.

Chapter Text

Donnie was once again holed away in his lab, thinking about Casey instead of doing the work he had initially planned to do.

In the two weeks since he made the shocking discovery that he actually liked Casey Jones, in the romantic sense, Donnie had come to terms with these feelings. Granted, it took going through the five stages of grief two times over, and botching so many experiments that even Raph started to worry, but Donnie was done questioning why. In fact, he was so far past questioning why that he was making extensive lists on why. Literally.

At that very moment, Donnie was making a long, comprehensive list of what about Casey Jones he found attractive. Written in what he had now dubbed his “Casey Journal,” was an ever expanding bullet list of reasons why Donnie thinks Casey is hot. Every point on the list was designated with a little heart at the beginning, drawn in black pen.

It was incredibly embarrassing.

However embarrassing it might’ve been, Donnie did have to admit that it was very helpful in sorting out his thoughts and feelings. He understood these emotions he’d been feeling, and he hadn’t needed anyone else’s help in getting to that point. Something that he was very thankful for. Realizing his romantic feelings for Casey had been awkward enough, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how mortifying it would be for anyone else to find out.

Some may say the shame he felt around his feelings was a result of emotional constipation, but Donnie had to disagree. He was not emotionally constipated, in fact, he was perfectly fine emotionally. He didn’t keep his thoughts to himself, he let his feelings out, he expressed his emotions. Sure, it wasn’t to other people, but nobody ever said it had to be. It wasn’t like anyone he knew would understand his mind anyway, his brothers had proven that to him time and time again.

Donatello was perfectly fine with keeping his crush on Casey to himself. It didn’t cause any stress on any of his relationships, which telling others about these thoughts would. So no, every internet article about managing stress and other such feelings, Donnie did not need to talk to anyone other than himself.

Donnie checked the time; it was 5:53 PM. He had about an hour before Mikey would come banging on the doors to the lab, yelling something about supper being ready. Until then, Donnie figured he should probably try to be productive.

Donnie put away his “Casey Journal” and began to clear his workbench. He needed space to lay down some blueprint paper. He’d recently been struck with inspiration for a new project, and wanted to get started with planning it out.

In the midst of sketching out a rough draft of the design, Donnie was interrupted by a someone knocking on the lab door. He glanced at the clock on the wall, it had only been 20 odd minutes since the last time he looked. Mikey wouldn’t even start cooking for another 10.

A second round of knocking started up.

Donnie swiftly paused his music, and got up to open the door. He wasn’t sure who wanted his attention right now, but he wasn’t pleased that they did. He was just getting started on his work.

He unlocked the lab door and threw it open, only to see April stood there, fist raised and ready to knock again. Donnie’s scowl dropped at the sight of her. He wasn’t very good at reading people, but April’s annoyance radiated off her, and something told him it was meant for him.

“Ok, what the hell is up with you lately?” April asked.

Donnie looked away from her face. Eye contact was already bad enough, but looking an angry April in the eye? Not happening.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Bullshit!” She shoved past him into the lab, and he was at no power to stop her.

She looked around the room, the frustration on her face slowly being replaced by confusion. She began mumbling something to herself, too quiet for Donnie to make out. He knocked against the doorframe 3 times before shutting the door again.

“The lab,” April began. “Most of this stuff hasn’t changed. Almost everything in here is where it was last week, in the same state it was then.”

Donnie glanced around, eyes darting from project to project. She wasn’t wrong, most of the experiments and inventions scattered around his lab had remained untouched for the past 2 weeks. He’d been a bit preoccupied with other tasks. Heat began to rise in Donnie’s face, his throat felt thick.

“You’ve been spending almost all your time in the lab, and somehow you haven’t moved forward with any of these projects?” April turned to face him dead on, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ve been working on other things.”

“Such as?”

He was caught. April knew him too well to think that nothing was wrong, and her psychic powers weren’t going to do Donnie any favours. He remembered Professor Honeycutt, how April had felt it when he was hiding something. She knew Donnie much better, for much longer, she could probably feel his anxiety in her bones.

Donnie knocked 3 times on his lab table.

“Don’t even try to lie, Donnie. I know something is wrong, you’ve felt off for a while now. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep secrets from me.”

“It’s hard to explain,” Donnie tried.

“And your whole existence isn’t?” She retorted. She sounded like Casey with that line. It was sweet the way they rubbed off on each other, their whole team really. His lip quirked up, ever so slightly, before he remembered the situation at hand.

“Come on,” April continued. “You’ve been spending almost all of your waking hours in the lab lately, and yet there seems to be no progress? The Donnie I know would be so frustrated with that, but right now you seem like you don’t even care. It doesn’t even look like you’ve been touching this stuff.”

April sighed. She seemed more concerned than anything. She flopped into the extra desk chair Donnie kept in the lab.

“You’ve been different, we all noticed, even Casey. And you know how oblivious he is!” Donnie frowned. Had he really been so noticeably off?

“I’m sorry, April. I really am.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong!” She cried. “Don’t think Mikey hasn’t told me that you’ve botched every experiment you have tried. I try not to push with these things, but I’m worried. You’re closing yourself off again.”

Donnie felt terrible. He had no clue he’d been worrying his family like this. He hadn’t even noticed he was distancing himself, so caught up in his own thoughts that he couldn’t see what was going on around him.

“I didn’t even know I was being so different. It’s stupid.” He sat down in the chair next to her.

“I don’t care how stupid-”

“This is gonna be awkward in the beginning,” Donnie cut her off. “But you just need to let me explain.”

April nodded, smiling softly.

“You can’t tell anyone, ok?”

“Cross my heart,” April responded.

“So, I thought I had a crush on you. I know you knew, everyone knew. But I’ve realized recently that it was not a crush. Not on you, at least. It hit me about two weeks ago. I was struggling to focus on a project because I kept thinking about you and Casey, how you act around each other, and how you act around me. I- uh- well, I- I realized when I was fighting with him for your attention, it wasn’t because I liked you. I didn’t want you to like him more than me because you’re my best friend. I didn’t want him to like you because…”

April gently placed her hand on top of Donnie’s. He looked up at her, swallowing the bile forcing its way up his throat. Her expression was soft, the corners of her eyes crinkled slightly. He could see it in her eyes that she knew.

“Because you wanted him to like you?”

“Yeah,” Donnie breathed. It felt nice to actually have talked about those feelings. Maybe he was wrong earlier, maybe talking to someone else wasn’t so terrible.

April laced their fingers together, scooting her chair closer to his. She knocked their shoulders together. He chuckled a little, a choked sound.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Donnie turned to look at her again. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to find the right words to finish her thought.

“I think you should though. Tell him.”

Donnie looked at her, eyes wide. She was serious.

“Why would I do that? He obviously likes girls, you specifically, and I’m not a girl. I’m not even a human!”

“Casey doesn’t like me,” April laughed. “He likes to flirt, sure, but that’s his sense of humour. He flirts with everyone. Haven’t you noticed?”

Donnie shook his head, trying to recall any instance of Casey flirting with him or his brothers. April blinked at him, unimpressed.

“Donnie, he makes jokes about how fit Leo is. He calls his patrols with Raph date night. He makes kissy faces at you all the time! Ring a bell!?”

“Wait- he does what?”

Their conversation was cut short before April could explain more. With his impeccable timing (read: inconvenient for everyone else), Mikey threw open the door, completely unaware of the moment he was interrupting.

“Dinner is served!” He hollered. “Come out to the kitchen for a taste of my new anchovy garlic chili cheese pizza supreme!”

April cringed at the description of the dish, but laughed at the absurdity of its description. Donnie rolled his eyes fondly at his brother, who stood in the entrance to the lab, beaming.

“It tastes better than it sounds.”

“I’m sure it does, Mikey,” April giggled as she got up from the chair.

Donnie followed them out of the room, feeling lighter than he had in a while. That anxiety surrounding his Casey predicament didn’t fade away, but knowing that he had April in his corner no matter what certainly made it easier to deal with.

Chapter Text

Talking to April about his crush on Casey had proved to be very helpful to Donnie. That didn’t mean he was going to tell her everything though. She didn’t need to know about the dreams he had about Casey, or the way he stared at Casey during training, or the way every sketch he started turned into Casey somewhere along the way. No, those thoughts were exclusively for himself and his “Casey Journal.”

There were roughly 3 weeks worth of rambling and yearning documented in that journal. Extensive, ever expanding, and not exactly Donnie’s finest work. Unfortunately, it was the work he had made the most definitive progress on.

Just as he had been on countless such occasions, Donnie was hiding away in the lab, writing about his horrible infatuation. It just kept growing, never letting up or winding down, it was terrifying. And exhilarating.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Casey. He was constantly reminded of Casey and the experiences they’ve shared. It was like every thought led back to Casey. Donnie didn’t think there was enough paper in the world for him to write all these things out. It was bad.

Above all else, Donnie kept coming back to a conversation he’d had with Casey the day prior. He couldn’t get it off his mind. There had been so much said, too much to really process in the moment. Yet so much more was left unsaid, implied and up for interpretation.

They were on patrol, the whole team. It was one of those rare nights where nothing too serious seemed to be happening. The most they’d run into so far had been a couple instances of vandalism, and a kid failing to break into a parked car. None of which they interfered with.

Mikey was starting to get bored, which quickly became everyone else’s problem.

“Ugh, this is the worst! Nothing is even happening! Can we just go home already?”

“No, Mikey,” Leo sighed. “We have a job to do here.”

“Oh yeah? Well why ain’t we gettin’ paid? Hm?”

“Well, first of all, because we don’t legally exist. And second, because this isn’t a real job, dumbass!” Raph flicked Mikey’s head, who whined pathetically but did nothing to protest otherwise.

“Thank you, Raph,” April rolled her eyes. The sarcasm in her tone was palpable.

Casey was laughing at the exchange, not his usual cackle, but something just as gleeful. It was such a genuine sound, a subconscious sign that he was truly enjoying himself in the moment. And wasn’t that just an enchanting sight?

Donnie found himself staring at Casey, cheeks hot, palms sweaty, and a warm feeling flooding his body. He felt that same pit in his stomach as he did while flying, anxiety mixed with excitement. It was like a rush of adrenaline flooded his body and froze him in place.

Casey looked downright gorgeous.

His face lit up by the streetlights, absolutely glowing in the dim New York night. His hair was held out of his face by the hockey mask he’d pushed on top of his head, but a few strands had escaped, blowing with the breeze. He was smiling wide, the gaps between his teeth on full display. He hadn’t put on that ridiculous face paint tonight, and Donnie could see the red tinge to his face, highlighting his subtle freckles. They were barely visible in the low lighting, practically invisible from the distance Donnie stood from Casey.

Donnie wanted to burn the image into his memory. He’d try to draw it later, but he was doubtful he’d get the details right. He couldn’t possibly capture how stunning Casey had looked in that moment anyway.

“Alright, guys!” Leo clapped, snapping Donnie out of his thoughts. “I think we should split up. It’s a pretty quiet night, we haven’t seen anything suspicious, and Karai hasn’t warned us of any potential danger. But you can never be too safe-”

Casey, Raph, and Mikey all groaned simultaneously. April giggled at the lighthearted display of annoyance, covering her mouth with her hand. Donnie smirked, holding in a laugh of his own.

“So,” Leo continued. “We’ll be continuing patrol in pairs. Mikey with April, Casey with Donnie, and Raph, you’re with me.”

Donnie’s stomach dropped. He was paired with Casey. It was going to be just the two of them. Alone, together.

“If you see anything weird, alert the rest of the team. And no, squirrels waging war against rats for garbage pizza does not count, Mikey. Be back to the Lair in 3 hours.”

With that, Leo took off, Raph quick on his tail. Mikey went the opposite direction, whooping as he flipped over the gap between the buildings. April flashed Donnie a wink before darting off after Mikey, smug motherfucker.

“Let’s get going,” Casey declared, leaving no room to disagree by stepping backwards off the roof.

For a horrifying second, Donnie felt his heart stop. He rushed over to the edge of the roof where Casey had stepped off, hoping not to find a corpse on the ground. Thankfully, there was no corpse in sight. Instead, he saw Casey sliding down the fire ladder on the side of the building, grinning like a maniac.

“Did I scare ya?”

“Hardly,” Donnie lied.

They fell easily into their typical rhythm. They raced across rooftops, hopping from building to building, taunting each other and turning everything into a competition. Donnie’s face hurt from smiling, his core ached from laughing, and his head spun with endorphins.

They stopped for a break on top of an apartment complex. Sitting next to each other on the edge of the roof, feet hanging far above the streets of New York City, Donnie felt content. They cracked jokes, traded stories, talked about anything and everything. It was nice.

Donnie loved spending time with Casey, he was so much fun to talk to. He was never afraid to tackle a dark topic, and was able to transition between topics so smoothly they’d both forget what they were originally talking about. They could talk for hours without a single awkward pause. It was something so special to Donnie, which made him even more afraid to lose it if he were to confess to Casey.

“I like bein’ around you, Don.” Casey said, rather unexpectedly. “You’re easy to talk to.”

“Likewise,” Donnie responded.

It came up out of the blue, what Casey said. It made Donnie anxious— it shouldn’t have, but it did. He couldn’t help but think of every way this could end terribly, no matter how unrealistic it may be. He knocked 3 times on the ledge they sat on.

“Likewise,” Casey chuckled. “You’re such a nerd.”

“Well, with all you dumbasses on the team, someone’s gotta make up for it. Especially since you joined.”

“Low blow, Donnie!”

“Oh please, you’ve heard worse.”

“Yeah,” Casey trailed off. Donnie turned to see why, only to find that Casey was already looking at him, smiling earnestly. His face flushed.

“This is what I mean though! You don’t take shit to heart, you talk to me the way I talk to you. You tell me when I’m being ridiculous without talking down to me. I like that about you.”

“Yeah… I like you too- the way you talk, I mean. Haha.” Donnie scratched his neck awkwardly.

“You treat me like an equal, even though you’re so much smarter than me. God, I can’t believe I just said that out loud!”

Casey chuckled softly, turning away from him.

“I know I don’t say it often,” Casey turned back to face him. “But I’m glad we met.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Seriously, man! You’re, like, one of my best friends, yo! I didn’t love you when we first met, but a lot’s changed since then.”

Donnie felt all warm and fuzzy inside. He couldn’t stop grinning, giddily. If he wasn’t so overwhelmed by these other feelings, he’d be embarrassed by how he was acting.

“It has, yeah. It wasn’t all good, but it’s the bad stuff that really brought us together.”

“Wish it wasn’t as bad as it was,” Casey laughed. A hollow, bittersweet kind of laugh. His smile no longer reached his eyes, and Donnie desperately hoped he hadn’t screwed up the whole conversation with one sentence.

“As awful as some of the things we’ve gone through have been, I’m kinda glad it happened. I mean, yeah it was nightmarish, but we’ve done so much good for the world. We’ve changed a lot over these past few years, changed for the better. I’d like to think the world has too.”

“Jesus, Don, that was so corny!”

They both burst out laughing, a cathartic feeling floating around them. Casey punched Donnie’s shoulder lightly, absolutely beaming at him. Even with the lack of light to illuminate him, Casey’s face was visibly flushed from laughing.

“Speaking of nightmares, you remember those Dream Beavers,” Casey asked.

“How could I forget?” That was one of the strangest things to have ever happened to him, which meant a lot coming from Donnie.

“You know, you died. Your heart stopped ‘n everything,” Casey murmured.

“Yeah, you guys told us afterward. You smashed the device that was keeping the Dream Beavers trapped in the dream dimension.”

“But that wasn’t everything.”

“What do you mean?” Donnie thought April and Casey had given a thorough recap of how they’d saved the brothers from having their life forces sucked out. They’d spared no details of the trouble they went through to make sure their friends were safe.

“Bernie, the crazy shop guy, he told me that the dream book thingy was the only thing keeping the beavers from destroying the world. He said that if it ever broke they’d come into our dimension and kill everyone. He told me that, and I still smashed it.”

Donnie was a little confused, he remembered Casey telling him that before. Nothing came of it in the end, so he didn’t understand why Casey sounded so guilty about it.

“Yeah, and you saved me. Saved my brothers too.”

“But I didn’t know, Donnie. I didn’t know that it wouldn’t destroy the world. I wanted to work out a way to get the beavers out of you guys, trap them in the thing Bernie made. But then you stopped breathing, your heart stopped beating, April was screaming and I was terrified. I was so scared, Don. In that moment it didn’t matter to me what might happen if I smashed that stupid thing to bits, all I knew was that you were about to die, and I couldn’t let that happen. I didn’t even think twice about it, I would have sacrificed the whole world for you to wake back up. Even though we would have died soon after anyway.”

Donnie’s heart was beating out of his chest. He felt insane. Casey had essentially just admitted that he would choose Donnie over everything else in the world, if it came down to it. He would have preferred for the world to end than for it to keep turning without Donnie.

Donnie watched as Casey gulped, eyes fixated on the movement of his Adam’s apple. Casey licked his lips, still struggling to continue, and Donnie just stared at them. He wondered what it would be like to kiss Casey. By god, he wanted to more than anything.

He knocked on the ledge next to him 3 times. He had to clear his mind and listen to Casey right now.

“Isn’t it weird? I was ok with letting the world end, as long as I could have you back for the few minutes before it did.”

“I would have done the same,” Donnie admitted. “I think most people would have.”

He felt something warm grasp his hand, and realized it was Casey. Casey had grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight in his own. It felt so natural, the way their callouses pressed together, the way their hands fit so perfectly.

Donnie was overwhelmed with an emotion he had never felt before. It made him feel like his brain was starved for oxygen and guts had just been baked in an oven and shoved back into him. It was unfamiliar, yet it felt so right.

Without really recognizing what he was doing, Donnie pulled Casey into him, trapping their conjoined hands between their bodies. He didn’t get the chance to start panicking before Casey latched onto him. Donnie felt high— he was euphoric. He started giggling, then Casey did too, and it was the best feeling in the world.

They’d ended up laid on their backs, giggling at something no one else could, on top of an apartment building just outside ChinaTown.

Casey made Donnie feel all these new things. He tried to understand it all, write it all out and make sense of it, but it was impossible. These were emotions he couldn’t even begin to describe. No word in the dictionary could properly explain the intensity of these feelings.

The one thing he couldn’t sort out with data. The only place where the scientific method would continually fail, time and time again. Explaining— truly explaining —emotion.

It scared Donnie half to death, these things he was feeling. He was sure they were natural feelings, April had assured him as such, but nature is more often dangerous than not. Something being natural doesn’t inherently mean that it’s alright.

Volcanoes, for example. No winning with volcanoes. They can either be open to flow freely, preventing eruption but causing mass local damage; burning all flora, drowning soil in stone and ash, rendering the area essentially uninhabitable. Or, they can be blocked off, like a cork in a wine bottle, building up heat and pressure until they explode. The resulting eruption can cause destruction on a massive scale, killing thousands, destroying ecosystems, and altering climates, seeding the clouds with toxins and ash.

Donnie felt much like a volcano. One which will unavoidably cause critical damage and devastation in the precious little ecosystem that he called his life. He knew he was prone to outbursts, emotional explosions when faced with the unknown. To discover something new is equally as frightening as it is wonderful, but he was being stretched beyond his limits between the two.

An eruption was looming on the horizon, and Donnie was Pompeii.

Chapter Text

“Yo, Dee! What’cha workin’ on?”

Casey strolled into the lab, equipment bag slung over his shoulder. Normally, Donnie would be agitated by a sudden intrusion into his lab, but he could make an exception.

The fact that it was Casey who marched in without warning had absolutely nothing to do with that exception. Not at all.

Casey was smiling at him expectantly, settling into the spare desk chair. This was a special Casey smile, ranked second place on his list. Which was, of course, a literal list written in his “Casey Journal,” describing the different ways that Casey smiled, what those smiles meant, and how much Donnie liked to see it. Each point on the list was accompanied by a small sketch of what it looked like on Casey’s face. This particular smile was a closed mouth smile, raised more on the right side of his face than the left. It was a genuine expression, not put on to support a facade or bury his true feelings. This was one of those rare Casey smiles without a trace of cockiness.

“Well, it’s a new weapon design I came up with.” Casey’s eyebrows shot up in intrigue.

Donnie hoped his reaction was a positive one, since he had directly inspired this new project. Knowing Casey though, this was probably the best thing he’d heard all day.

“It’s only in the early stages of development, so don’t get too excited yet. I’m still working on the logistics and design. There’s a lot of careful calculation that has to go into this one.”

“Dude, is that a chainsaw?” Casey stared in awe at the concept design Donnie was drawing.

“Yeah! It’ll be retractable, one small element of a greater multitool.”

“That is so awesome!”

“You really think so?”

“Obviously, man!” Casey scoffed. He was grinning excitedly at Donnie, one eyebrow raised more than the other. This was the fourth place Casey smile, dazzling and contagious. It was a look of exhilaration, with a hint of mania creeping in at the edges. It was the look Casey got when he thought something was unbelievably amazing, which meant it was usually directed at explosives and other such life threatening things.

“I’m trying to make a compact, lightweight weapon with multiple features that collapse into the body of the device. It’ll have a component beneficial for every fight, and tools contained within it to help you stay unnoticed on a stealth mission. You’d be practically unbeatable with this thing, granted that you know how to use it.”

“That is so metal! Tell me more!”

“There’ll be a safety mode, a backup plan if it ever gets into the wrong hands. Like the self destruct function on the T-Phones!”

“It’s gonna be a bomb too!?” Casey looked absolutely enamoured with the idea of Donnie’s next big invention. Donnie hadn’t actually planed for the safety to be a self destruct code, but Casey looked so excited about the prospect that Donnie couldn’t possibly deny him that.

“Not a bomb! It’s not made to explode. That’s just… you know, just in case.”

Casey laughed, absolutely enthralled by Donnie’s ideas. It was addictive, this type of attention and approval coming from Casey. He expressed such interest in what he was hearing, reciprocating the enthusiasm Donnie was explaining with.

“You gotta let me test it. Especially the explosive setting! Casey Jones knows a good bang,” Casey winked at Donnie.

Donnie’s face heated up. Was Casey flirting with him? Was this the type of flirting April had referred to when she said it was Casey’s sense of humour? It was probably just a joke. There was no way Casey meant it like that.

“Ahem,” Donnie and Casey simultaneously whipped their heads towards the lab entrance. Master Splinter stood in the doorway with both his hands resting on his cane. Donnie’s face felt like it was on fire. Suddenly he found himself hoping that Casey had not been flirting at all, because there was no way his father had heard that. The thought was mortifying.

He knocked 3 times on the lab table.

“Donatello,” Splinter said firmly. “Casey Jones. What is all this talk about bombs and explosions? I thought I told you not to test explosives in the house, no matter how safe your lab may be.”

“Of course, Sensei! But that’s not what we were talking about— I mean, it is but not like that.” Master Splinter raised an eyebrow.

“We’re just talking about something I’m working on! No explosions in the house! I swear.”

“Very well, then. I trust you will not make a mess of things, Mr. Jones?”

“Wh- what did I do!?” Casey asked incredulously.

“Nothing,” Master Splinter smiled. “Yet.”

The two watched as Splinter walked away. Casey stuttered in confusion, glancing back and forth between Donnie and Splinter. Donnie just leaned his elbows on the desk and covered his face with his hands. He was so embarrassed he wanted to evaporate.

“What the hell did he mean by yet?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Donnie chuckled. Removing his hands from his face, he saw Casey laughing too.

Donnie had talked with Casey for hours. They brainstormed different features Donnie could add, and ideas for both the structural and aesthetic designs. Casey brought so much to the creativity and inspiration to the table. He talked about potential power sources and expressed an interest working on the mechanical side of the weapon together. Donnie was ecstatic to have that opportunity. He hoped it would be just like when they’d worked on the Hot Rod— without the drama and life threatening car mutants.

Even while Donnie was calculating dimensions and required power, Casey was still engaged in the conversation. Watching Donnie do the math, asking questions about the things he didn’t understand, and truly making an effort to show that he was invested. It made Donnie feel valued in a way he didn’t feel often.

When Casey had to leave for hockey practice, he grabbed Donnie’s shoulder, and thanked him for making the afternoon so fun. In the entrance to the lab, Casey grabbed the doorframe and leaned backwards to look at Donnie a final time.

“Try not to work yourself to death, Don. We got plans now.” Casey gave him a lazy salute, and swung himself out of the lab.

Donnie’s whole body felt warm, and he couldn’t get this stupid, giddy smile off his face. It was like a new part of his brain had been opened by Cassy, full of new emotions and ideas only Casey could bring on. They burned in his heart with an unbelievable ferocity, unmatched by anything he knew. He’d never even read of sentiment so intense.

It was so new, this burning sensation that swelled in his soul. It was beautiful like lightning, and felt like being struck.

Donnie wrote to process it all.

Casey Jones,

You make my head spin, honestly. I’m practically addicted to your praise. Every time you compliment me or my work, I feel this rush, this heat flooding my bloodstream. You make me feel ways that nobody else ever has.

When I talk to you, you don’t just listen, you hear. You express a genuine interest in what I have to say, even if you don’t completely understand it. When I explain my projects to my brothers, they nod their heads, they listen, they applaud what I’ve made, but they don’t ask more. You do. You want to learn what things do, how they work, how I did it, everything!

Having someone engage in these conversations with me, indulge me in getting to explain the science, it’s wonderful. It is truly spectacular.

You make me feel appreciated, not just for what I do, but who I am as well. You don’t cut me off because you’re bored, you don’t even get bored! You enjoy my presence, you enjoy my ramblings.

Being around you is ecstasy. The whole world melts away until it’s just you and me.

I’m drowning in the euphoria of your attention, but I’m greedy. It’s not enough. I want to be around you all the time, I don’t ever want to leave your side. I want your time, I want your affection, I want you, all to myself, forever. And it terrifies me.

It petrifies me, the way that I want you to be obsessed with me. I’m so afraid of the way that you make me feel. These feelings are intense, overwhelming.

If I could live in your thoughts I’d be living in paradise. If I could live off your love I’d want to be immortal. If I could reshape reality I’d paint it in your image, weave your breath into every atom, grace each star with your touch, just so everyone could see you the way I do. Because you’re everything.

I’m in love with you, and it’s driving me crazy.

All my love, whether you know it or not,
Donnie

Chapter Text

Since Casey decided he was going to help Donnie build the prototype of the ‘super metal weapon of ultimate ass kicking’— a name that Donnie was not going to go along with —the two went scavenging for parts.

Donnie took them to one of his favourite places in the whole city. The military scrapyard.

It was down on the water, in a dingy, cluttered, unsuspecting area. The surrounding district was sparsely populated, for New York City, at least. Most of the nearby buildings were warehouses and storage facilities, some of which had previously been coverups for Kraang bases.

Despite the facility being owned and operated, in the vaguest sense of the word, by the U.S. military, it was largely unmonitored. There was very little security. Donnie had a few theories on that, but figured it was probably because things being owned by the military tended to scare people off. Not much surveillance would be necessary to catch a regular person sneaking in, but Donnie and Casey didn’t exactly fall in that category.

The fence was electric, and there were a few security cameras stationed around the perimeter. Getting past the cameras was easy, they had a lot of experience in that regard. The electric fence would have posed a problem, had Donnie not created a workaround years ago.

There was a nearby power grid that fed directly into the fence. The scrap yard didn’t have an alarm system, but Donnie knew that if the power to the fence got cut off, there would certainly be an alert sent out, which he didn’t want to risk. So, he had figured out a way to redirect the energy, without entirely severing the circuit, that didn’t set off any alarms nor result in increased military activity. Granted, he’d first caused a massive power outage across the Lower East Side, but he got it right the next time.

“Don, as much as I trust you, and trust my own sick fighting skills, I’m not a big fan of these guys. I don’t wanna tangle with the military. It didn’t end well last time!”

Casey looked around cautiously. He wasn’t pretending to be fearless and unbothered like he usually would. He didn’t put on his cocky, confident persona, he was openly nervous. It made Donnie feel special that Casey didn’t feel like he had to hide his worries when they were together.

“We’ll be fine,” Donnie assured him. He was patching his T-Phone into the breaker to redirect the power from the fence.

“I don’t know, dude. Last time we ran into those army guys they tried to dissect me!”

“Well, first, it would have been a vivisection, since you were still alive,” Donnie set down the battery he brought with him, plugging it into his T-Phone as well. He figured he might as well charge it while they’re here. Two birds, one stone, and all that.

“And second, there’s barely any surveillance here. We are completely fine.”

“If you say so, man.”

Donnie finished up his work, readings on his T-Phone confirming that the electric fence was no longer a worry. He readjusted his bag and turned to Casey, who was clenching and unclenching his fists anxiously.

“Alright, come on,” Donnie patted Casey’s arm.

As he dropped his hand, Casey took it in his own. They were holding hands again. Donnie almost hoped it would become a regular occurrence, but he wasn’t sure he could keep dealing with it while maintaining their friendship. He elected to pretend like he wasn’t affected by Casey’s casual affection.

Donnie led the way to his usual point of entry, a blind spot between two cameras where a shallow trench had been dug. Most of the work had been done by the rodents, but Donnie had made it a little bigger. When the fence was lifted, there was just enough space to squeeze under without getting scratched.

He went through first, then helped pull Casey across. Casey didn’t let go of his hand.

“I usually find some good stuff over this way,” Donnie said, leading Casey through the broken down old cars and the piles of junk.

“I gotta say, this is pretty sick. Not just the stuff here, but the being here with you too. You’re a cool guy, Donnie.” Casey bumped their shoulders together, smiling at him.

There it was, Donnie’s favourite of Casey’s smiles. It was warm, and soft, and so genuine. His lips were together, the corners of his mouth drawn up evenly on each side of his face. He was squinting from how far his smile reached, and his brows were drawn together ever so slightly. A light dusting of pink coated his cheeks and nose, which crinkled a little towards the tip.

Donnie only ever saw this smile when it was the two of them, alone. It made him feel special, that he made Casey smile so sweetly, a smile seen exclusively by him. Casey looked like love personified, and Donnie wished he could take a photo of that smile.

Donnie smiled back at Casey, hoping that his blush wasn’t too bright. He couldn’t help it though, when Casey looked at him like that. His heart clenched in his chest, begging to be closer to Casey’s, to beat in time, as one.

“I’d say that you’re pretty cool too, but your ego’s already inflated enough,” Donnie quipped.

“Oh you dick!”

“What? I thought the great Casey Jones didn’t need approval from anyone.”

“And I don’t, you just didn’t say I wasn’t cool either.”

Donnie tilted his head back in laughter. Of all times for Casey to be attentive it was when he was being insulted.

“Yeah, whatever, you caught me.”

“Usually do, hero and all.”

They both started cackling, having to stop in their tracks to stay on their feet. Casey ended up clutching Donnie’s arm, head on his shoulder, to keep upright. And once again, Donnie was overflowing with pure joy.

Donnie felt confident in saying that they’d had a successful trip. His bag was full of materials, his cheeks were sore from laughing, and his hand was held in Casey’s.

Casey had found a few bits and pieces for himself, stuff that he thought he could make some use of back home. Mostly for household repairs, considering his family didn’t have the money to pay a repairman.

They paused in an alley near the lair. Casey seemed to be thinking about something, biting his bottom lip. Donnie briefly imagined kissing him. Pushing him up against the apartment building, holding his face with one hand, brushing through his hair with the other— he was staring at Casey’s lips. Lips that were moving because Casey was talking.

“…training or whatever? So, uh, we should probably split up now.”

Donnie didn’t want to let go of Casey’s hand. He wasn’t ready for the day to end.

“Let me walk you home,” he blurted out. As soon as he realized what he’d said, he felt like he’d been lit on fire. He almost wished he was on fire, at least that way he wouldn’t have to worry about being embarrassed.

“You want to?” Casey asked, almost hesitantly.

“If you want me to.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, I- me neither,” Donnie breathed.

They stood frozen in the alleyway, hands clasped together, grinning like idiots. Donnie glanced at Casey’s lips again, realizing how close they stood to each other. He could lean forward and brush their lips together, they were that close. He blinked, hard.

“We- uh, we should go, yeah?”

Casey hummed in response, clipped and high pitched.

They walked to Casey’s apartment, not once letting go of each other’s hand. Donnie declined taking the rooftops, a faster and safer (for a mutant ninja turtle) route, because climbing up would mean losing the physical contact. He finally untangled his fingers from Casey’s only as they reached the fire escape of his building. Casey climbed up just one step ahead of Donnie, turning around as they reached his bedroom window.

“Thank you, for today. I had a lot of fun,” Casey smiled. He smiled that same special smile that Donnie absolutely adored.

“Yeah, me too. Would you maybe wanna go again sometime- with me?”

“Really?”

“Only if you want-” Donnie was cut off by Casey hugging him fiercely. He felt weak in the knees.

“Dude, I would love to!” Casey pulled away, with a smile Donnie hadn’t seen before. And this one was a contender for the number one spot.

Casey was beaming, practically glowing. He grinned, wide and bright, teeth showing. Cheeks pushed up by his smile, flushed with colour and dusted with freckles. The tip of his nose was crinkled like the corners of his squinting eyes. His brows were drawn together, just barely. The warmth of his smile radiated off of him, directly into Donnie’s heart.

Donnie, who stood so close he could count each of the faint freckles on Casey’s face.

Casey, whose arms still hung over Donnie’s shoulders, fingers brushing together between his shoulder blades.

Casey stepped back, slowly pulling his arms back to himself, as if he was waiting for something to happen. Donnie scanned around them to see if Casey had seen something he’d missed, but there was nothing odd around. When he refocused on Casey, the boy stood there with his hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets. The precious, rare, beautiful grin that had been on his face was gone, replaced with a strange look. A look that Donnie didn’t know how to read.

“I’ll see ya ‘round,” Casey said. Donnie watched as he climbed through his window, waving goodbye when he turned to shut it.

With that, he jumped off the fire escape and into the night. He headed home with a lot to process.

Chapter Text

Casey Jones,

I had another dream about you.

Last night, after I walked you home, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Not surprising, I know. But it was different last night. I could still feel the warmth of your hand in mine tingling up my arm, all the way home. That warmth remained even as I fell asleep.

The dream started off normal, no different from reality. We were in the dojo, sparring. I believe we were practicing one on one hand to hand combat. Though it was just the two of us training, the others weren’t around.

I’d caught the punch you’d thrown at me, holding your fist in my hand. You threw another punch with your free hand, one I’d also caught before it made contact. You shifted your hands, lacing our fingers together, pushing forward in an attempt to wrestle me off my feet. I pushed back, and I was confident I was going to win the fight.

And then it wasn’t a fight anymore, because you did something I’d have never predicted.

You surged forward and kissed me, dead on the lips. And deep in my subconscious mind, it was the most natural thing.

I wasn’t surprised, not the way I’d be in real life. My only reaction was to kiss back. I let go of your hands, pulling you closer to me by your waist. You grabbed the side of my face with one hand and the back of my neck with the other. My hands moved up your back, arms tightening around your body.

We were making out in the middle of the dojo. If Master Splinter ever found out that I’d desecrated the dojo like that, even in dreams, I think I’d be disowned.

Then, you pushed me to the ground, not breaking the kiss for a second. You were on top of me, knees on either side of my hips, leaning forward to kiss me. You took my hands, and pinned them down next to my head. And then you pulled away.

“I win,” You’d announced, smirking down at me. You were sitting up on my thighs, and I was admiring the flush of your cheeks in a daze.

“Wait, what?” I snapped out of it, trying to sit up. “That’s so not fair, you totally cheated.”

You grabbed my face and kissed me again, forcing me to shut up. I didn’t even fight it.

When I woke up, my face was absolutely burning. My entire body felt abnormally hot and my limbs heavy. I thought I had a fever at first, until I remembered the dream I’d just had. Then it all made sense.

I wish we could really kiss like that. Deeply, passionately, yet so casually. The problem is, I think that if I did kiss you, I’d never stop. I’d sooner suffocate, go brain dead from oxygen deprivation, than let my lips leave yours. I’d kiss you like my life depends on it, though I’m sure it would kill me to ever stop.

I want you to love me so badly. I need it. It’s driving me out of my mind, the fact that these dreams will never be a reality.

But I remember the heat of your hand held in mine, and I feel it all over my body. I wonder, maybe, in some alternate universe, some different timeline, could these things ever happen? Do they, with some other version of us? I think about the versions of us who ran off to space after we got back; does he love you the same way I do? Are those slightly younger versions of us happy together? Do they get what I desire so terribly? I’m not sure that I ever want to find out, because then I would know what I’m missing, and I don’t think I could bear it.

All my love, whether you know it or not,
Donnie

There was a knock at the lab door.

Donnie opened the drawer closest to him, hastily shoving his “Casey Journal” into it. He slammed it shut, hoping the time it was taking for him to get to the door didn’t seem suspicious.

He threw open the door to find April standing there, arms crossed loosely. She was smirking like she knew something Donnie didn’t, which in all fairness, she probably did. The look on her face only became more smug as they made eye contact.

“Let me in before I put you on blast,” She said.

Donnie paled, looking past April’s head to see if anyone could have heard her. While Leo and Mikey were sitting in the main room, both seemed utterly transfixed on the TV. They were watching some old cartoon that Donnie couldn’t be bothered to identify.

“Well?” April tapped her foot on the floor impatiently, one eyebrow raised at Donnie.

“Ok, get in.”

“Thank you!” She smiled sweetly as she stepped past him. He shut and locked the lab door behind her.

“So,” April began as she sat in one of Donnie’s chairs. “I heard you and Casey went on a little date.”

“It- it was not a date!” Donnie stuttered, blush spreading across his face.

“Oh, it so was! You invited him to work on a project with you, you took him to one of your favourite places in the whole city, you walked him home, you held his hand, like, the hole time. That sounds like a date to me.”

“How do you even know all of that?”

“Casey told me, duh.” April rolled her eyes. She patted the other chair, signalling Donnie to sit down.

“What did he say?” Donnie asked as he dutifully sat next to her.

“Hey, that was told to me in confidence! I can’t tell you that.”

“Then why are you here?”

“To give advice. Much needed advice, as far as I can tell.”

“Oh god, am I making him uncomfortable? Did I do something wrong yesterday? April, please tell me he doesn’t hate me now!”

April grabbed Donnie’s shoulders with a firm grip, forcing him to look at her. She had a calm expression on her face, the corner of her mouth tipped up into a smirk.

“Calm down, Dee. It’s nothing serious,” She assured him.

“Then what is it? Please don’t tell me that he knows I like him and he doesn’t like me back-”

“Donatello! I said it’s nothing serious!” April shook him by the shoulders. He got the memo and shut up, nodding to continue.

“Casey didn’t say anything negative about you, ok?” Donnie breathed a sigh of relief at the confirmation.

“That’s- that’s good. That’s great!”

“Yes, but I’m not done.” Donnie gulped, nervous that she was going to say something bad. No matter how much she reassured him otherwise, he couldn’t help but feel that sinking dread. He looked away from April’s face, trying to quell his rising anxiety. He tapped 3 times on his thigh with two of his fingers.

“Donnie, look at me,” He did as he was asked. “You need to stop overthinking things.”

“Have you met me!?”

“I know, overthinking is your thing. But you have to trust me on this. You’re not gonna get anywhere if you second guess every single little thing Casey says or does. He does a lot of stuff that doesn’t even make sense to him. He’s an idiot, a loveable idiot, but an idiot all the same.”

Donnie felt a small pang of some unpleasant feeling deep in his gut. He wasn’t sure if it was jealousy, or possessiveness, or what, but he didn’t like that April called Casey loveable. Sure, it was true, but April shouldn’t get to say those things, only he should get to talk about Casey like that. Nobody else. His stomach turned with guilt as soon as he processed those thoughts. April is their friend, she’d meant that platonically, Donnie knew that. She wouldn’t be here giving relationship advice if she wanted to be with Casey, she’d already be dating him if that were the case.

“You need to chill out,” She continued. “I know you’re worrying right now, I can feel it. You need to stop stressing over your feelings and stop overthinking Casey’s perception of you. You’re just wasting your energy.”

“But what if he gets sick of me? What if he’s already tired of me seeking out his attention? What happens if he suddenly decides he never wants to see me anymore, and I have to go back to life before I knew him? I don’t think I could do it, April.”

“You won’t ever have to,” April let go of his shoulders and stood up. She stepped in front of Donnie’s chair, looking down at him. “Casey is honest, he’s very straightforward. Have you ever known him to hold his tongue?”

“Well, no, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything?”

“He says what’s on his mind, all the time, even when he should keep his mouth shut. He’s impulsive, and he never knows when to stop talking. He says whatever he feels like he should say, even if it will make the situation ten times more dangerous, because he can’t bear to keep his thoughts to himself. If Casey wanted you to stop, he’d say so. You should know that already, but since you’re too much of a nervous wreck to piece anything together right now, I’ll spell it out for you. You have nothing to worry about, Casey will say something if you ever do.”

April’s speech was nothing but the truth. Donnie knew she was completely right, but that wouldn’t stop him from imagining worst case scenarios. Granted, he did find some comfort in knowing that April thought he and Casey were going to work out.

“Thank you,” Donnie muttered.

“No problem,” April replied, circling around to the other side of the lab bench. “Somebody had to knock some sense into you.”

Donnie rolled his eyes at her. She’d picked up way too many of Raph’s mannerisms over the years. It would be a lot more endearing if it wasn’t so annoying.

“Now, tell me about this weapon you two are working on!”

Donnie obliged her, showing her the blueprints and concept designs. It was the least he could do for her, after she was there to listen to his ramblings about Casey and reassure him it would all be fine. He would never stop being anxious about his relationship with Casey, but April was always there to support him, and that made everything a little easier to live with.

If Donnie was a volcano, April was drilling ventilation shafts. She was helping him to let the pressure out before he would blow his top off. It helped a lot, holding off the impending eruption, but they both knew it wouldn’t work forever. They were delaying the inevitable for as long as possible, but these new feelings were an unstoppable force. Donnie could only hope that nobody would be in the danger zone once doomsday hit.

Chapter Text

Progress on the ‘super metal weapon of ultimate ass kicking’ was moving smoothly. It wasn’t going as fast as Donnie’s projects usually did, but he was only working on it while Casey was free to help out, so it only made sense. Progress on its name, however, was going absolutely nowhere.

“We cannot call this thing the super metal weapon of ultimate butt kicking, Casey”

“We’re not calling it that, we’re calling it the super metal weapon of ultimate ass kicking,” Casey stated, like it was obvious.

“There are so many reasons why that is a terrible name!”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“It’s way too long, for one,” Donnie attempted to reason.

“So we can shorten it, make an ack-anco-ancorym!”

“It’s an acronym, Jones. And no, that would be the dumbest acronym ever!”

“No way! It would be awesome,” Casey started mumbling under his breath, trying to spell something out. “S, M, W, U, A, K: smwuak! Like smack!”

“That sounds nothing like smack!”

“Yeah it does, say it yourself!”

“I’m not saying that,” Donnie laughed.

“Why? Because then you’ll hear how wrong you are coming from your own lips?”

“No, because it’s stupid!”

“Then what do you wanna call it? Got any better ideas?” Casey crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.

Donnie thought for a moment, pursing his lips. Surely he could think of a less stupid name than smwuak. It was a weapon with multiple functions, so they could name it after that.

“Uhm… the multi-function weapon?”

“Dude, that just explains what it is, we can’t name it that.” Casey laughed at Donnie, mockingly.

“And? A hairdryer is named after its function! So are dishwashers, and clothes hangers!”

“But multi-function weapon is so lame!”

“Well, give me a better name,” Donnie groaned. “And don’t say ‘super metal weapon of ultimate ass kicking’ or that stupid acronym.”

“Fine! Just- just lemme think for a sec.”

Casey bit his bottom lip, tilting his head back. He looked up at the ceiling, his brows drawn together in thought. He was squinting at the overhead light, but not bothering to look away. He tapped on the lab table rhythmically with his left hand, his right hanging limply at his side. His dark hair fell away from his face, resting on his shoulders. The way the shadows fell across his form defined his jawline, and Donnie found it incredibly attractive.

Casey suddenly jerked his head towards Donnie, snapping his fingers.

“I got it!” He announced, looking proud of himself. “We should call it the ass kicker supreme! Pretty sweet name, right?”

“Casey, that’s basically the same name as the last one you suggested!”

“It’s totally different! The last one didn’t have the word supreme in it,” Casey shot Donnie a smug look. Donnie dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“This is going nowhere.”

“Just give in, Dee! You know that the super metal weapon of ultimate ass kicking is a dope name for a dope weapon.”

Casey leaned toward Donnie, who stood across lab table from him. He clasped his hands together, resting his chin atop them, and gave Donnie this pathetic wet cat look. It was Casey’s attempt at puppy dog eyes, though it fell just short. Fortunately for Casey, it worked on Donnie, because the boy was absolutely smitten with him.

Donnie rolled his eyes and shook his head at the display. He was too proud to admit that Casey’s pleading look had actually worked on him, so he just smiled slightly and turned away.

“Come on, you know I’m right!” Casey sang.

“It’s a placeholder name,” Donnie relented. “Only until we figure out a better one.”

“I’ll convince you.”

“I’m sure you will,” Donnie muttered sarcastically. “Shall we get back to work?”

“Shall we- dude, you are so lame!” Casey laughed.

It was a joke. Donnie knew that it was a joke. He knew for a fact that Casey wasn’t being serious, but that part of him that needed so badly for Casey to love him unconditionally couldn’t help but worry that there was an element of truth to the comment. Casey had made fun of him for being lame in the past, before they were really friends, but first impressions were hard to shake.

He was overthinking again, being ridiculous, surely. He had to take April’s advice and just let it go. He knocked 3 times on the surface of the table.

“Yo, I’ve been meanin’ to ask you ‘bout that.” Donnie looked back over at Casey, brow ridge creased.

“What?”

“The tappy thing you do,” Casey said. “Y’know, where you tap or knock a couple times on something. Why do you do that?”

Donnie flushed. On one hand, it was a little embarrassing that Casey had noticed him doing that. On the other, it was sweet, in a way, that Casey had been paying enough attention to him to notice it.

“Oh, it’s uh- it’s nothing,” Donnie stuttered. He tried to resist the urge to do it again, but it made his body itch to deny himself the comfort. He tapped 3 times on his thigh with his left hand.

“You just did it again!” Casey pointed at him accusingly. Then, he sighed and dropped his hand. He looked ashamed, almost.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to push, or whatever. I’m just curious. You don’t gotta tell me if you don’t wanna.”

“No- it’s just- it’s kinda hard to explain,” Donnie said. He wanted Casey to know he trusted him, and wanted that same trust in return. The only way to accomplish that is open, honest communication. Donnie had learned that lesson a million times over, growing up with 3 brothers.

“Take your time, man.”

Donnie sighed. He knew the best way to go about this would be the most direct path, but he wasn’t certain Casey would understand. He just had to go for it, stop overthinking it.

“I have OCD,” he admitted. “Obsessive compulsive disorder. I have a lot of thoughts going on in my head, all of the time. Some of them are… distressing— intrusive thoughts. I don’t want to think them, but I do, and they won’t go away. The tapping is a compulsion.”

Casey nodded. His brows were drawn together in what looked to be a confused expression, but he was still quite clearly listening.

“Compulsions are like,” Donnie paused, searching his mind for the right words. He wanted to keep this explanation simple and concise. “They’re like little urges I have to act on to keep the thoughts down. The tapping helps me keep my mind focused, helps me to shut down the obsessive and intrusive thoughts. If I don’t do it, it’s like I get- I don’t know- I get all anxious and itchy.”

“Ok, I think I get it.”

“It’s a kind of coping mechanism- wait, really?”

“Yeah, I do something kinda like that,” Casey gestured vaguely with his hands. “I got ADHD. My brain moves real fast, makes me think stuff I don’t wanna.”

“Intrusive thoughts. A common area of overlap between ADHD and OCD.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to make ‘em go away. Like, I try to think of other stuff but it loops back, and since I think so much stuff so fast it doesn’t take long. So I distract myself, I guess. Keep from acting on the crazy ideas by doing something else.”

“Like, a simple, repetitive action?” Donnie asked.

“Yeah! Well- sometimes it’s noises too. Like beatboxing.”

“Huh,” Donnie mumbled. He was unsure how to respond to this new information.

“Looks like we got more in common than ya thought, huh, Dee?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” The two boys smiled at each other. It was nice to know they could relate to each other in that way, at least Donnie thought so. He liked having these bonding moments with Casey, moments to bring him closer with his crush.

Unfortunately, these moments never seemed to last long enough. They were interrupted by a knocking at the lab door. It was quick, with an erratic rhythm. Donnie recognized it to be Mikey’s knock. The muffled shout that followed shortly after confirmed this.

“I’ll go see what he wants,” Donnie said. He opened the door just in time to save them from a round of incessant knocking and shouting.

“Heya, Dee!” Mikey greeted, ducking under Donnie’s arm and strolling into the lab. “Casey! What’s up, dude?”

“Workin’ on this weapon with Don,” Casey gave Mikey a fist bump over the work desk.

“Yes, a weapon which we should be resuming our progress on.”

“You’re not kicking me out, are ya, man? I just got here!”

“And you’ve already overstayed your welcome.”

“Agh- nooo! Come on, Dee! I’m so bored! You gotta let me stay, please!”

“No, Mikey, we’re doing serious work here.”

“Yeah, if serious work is making out!”

Donnie was sure he must have turned bright red. His face was so hot, he might as well have been shooting steam out of his ears. He faintly heard Casey sputtering behind him, but it was hard to hear anything but the blood rushing through his veins.

“That is it! Get out!” Donnie shouted.

“No! I’m sorry! Please let me stay, I’ll be quiet. I can help, or I can just watch, just don’t make me leave!” Mikey pleaded.

“Can’t you go bother Raph or Leo?”

“They’re training right now, and they’re even more lame than you when they’re training.”

“Well, what about April?”

“She said she’s studying. You and Casey are my only options left!”

“Well, that sucks for you, because we are busy.” Donnie put extra emphasis on the last three words of the sentence.

“Oh, come on, man! Lay off him, we got good work done today. A little break can’t hurt,” Casey reasoned from the other side of the table.

“Yes! See, Donnie, Casey gets it! You gotta shellax, bro.”

Donnie rolled his eyes. The first coherent thing Casey says since his brother came in, and it’s to side with said brother! Traitor.

“Wanna go skate?” Casey asked Mikey.

“Hell yeah, brotha! And you,” Mikey looked pointedly at Donnie. “Can use that time to do your science stuff.”

Jealousy bubbled up in Donnie’s gut. Casey was about to leave him to go hang out with Mikey. He didn’t care if he was overthinking, who knew what Mikey and Casey could get up to with no one else around.

He stood frozen, watching as his brother and his crush walked to the lab door together. Without him.

“Wait!” Donnie called. The other two turned to look at him. “I wanna come.”

“Wait, for real!?” Casey shouted in excitement.

“Yeah, I mean, why not? You guys are always saying I need to take a break.”

“Well, come on then,” Mikey smiled at Donnie strangely, a look he couldn’t decipher. “Let’s go skating.”

Chapter Text

On their way back to the lair from Casey’s apartment, Mikey asked Donnie the long dreaded question. “What’s up with you and Casey, dude?”

Donnie had sincerely hoped that none of his recent behaviour seemed odd to his family. He knew that he’d been acting off at the start, April had already told him as much, but he’d tried to be more normal about everything since. Apparently, he had not been successful.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You sound, like, mad suspicious right now, bro,” Mikey responded. He glanced over his shoulder from his position a few paces ahead of Donnie. “It’s super obvious that something’s goin’ on.”

“Seriously, Mikey, there’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“So there is something! You just don’t wanna talk about it, huh? You embarrassed? Aww, don’t be embarrassed, Dee, I’ll love you no matter what,” Mikey abruptly stopped to turn around and make kissy faces at his brother. Donnie shoved him away by the face, continuing forward.

“Can you just drop it, Mikey?”

“Dude, you don’t gotta go all crazy on me, I’m just trying to get you to open up. You’re more emotionally repressed than Raph, which should be impossible.”

Donnie let out an exasperated sigh, one which quickly turned into a groan. Of all his brothers, it just had to be Mikey who’d bring this up. Raph he could lie to, or at least convince that it wasn’t a big deal. Despite how impulsive he could be, Raph knew when to drop the subject when it came to Donnie. Leo could be convinced that it wasn’t a pressing matter, if Donnie insisted it was having no impact on their teamwork, and that it was just a personal thing, Leo would let it go. He’d attempt to force Donnie to mediate and take a break from his work, but he’d leave Donnie to handle it himself. Mikey would do none of this. If he got it into his head to get something out of his brothers, he wouldn’t stop until he got it.

“It’s not a big deal,” Donnie said, turning to face his brother. “I don’t understand why you’re trying to make something out of it.”

“The more you try to convince me it doesn’t matter, the less I believe you. We can talk now, or I can figure out my way,” Mikey grinned, like the little shithead he was. “I know there’s something between you and Casey, I just wanna know what. I’m not gonna say nothing to no one if you don’t want me to. Unless it’s like crazy and dangerous and Casey’s secretly a robot being piloted by squirrelanoids!”

“There are no squirrelanoids! It’s just… it’s complicated.”

Mikey sat down on the ledge of the rooftop, patting the ground next to him. Donnie reluctantly joined him, bracing himself for what was about to be the most embarrassing conversation of his life.

“You have to swear to me,” he started, emphasizing how serious this was to him. “That you will not tell a soul, living, dead, real, or fake, about this conversation. Not even Ice Cream Kitty.”

“Not even Kitty!?”

“Not even Kitty.”

“Woah dude, did you kill someone or something?” They both paused for a moment, before Mikey quickly blurted out “Wait, no, you totally already have.”

“I think we all have, if we count aliens and whatever disgusting, inhumane monstrosities Shredder has had Stockman brew up.”

“I don’t want that on my conscience, bro.” Donnie awkwardly patted Mikey’s shoulder in response.

“It is what it is.”

“Yeah… now tell me what’s going on!”

“Tell me what you know, first!” Donnie countered, which earned a contemplative nod from Mikey.

“Well, a few weeks ago, you got depressed or something. You locked yourself in the lab, but I know you weren’t doing anything in there. Everyone knew. I talked to April about it, and after she talked to you, it got a little better. But mostly when it comes to Casey. It’s like the only thing that interests you now is Casey. Which, you know, Raph is a little pissed because that’s his best friend. I keep tellin’ him though, that we’ve only got a handful of pals and he’s gotta be nice and share, but I think he’s just mad because Casey doesn’t shut up about hanging out with you when he’s hanging with anyone else.”

“Wait, what?” Donnie interrupted his brother’s rambling. “Casey talks about me?”

“Dude,” Mikey rolled his eyes, “Casey always talks about you.”

“Oh…” Donnie’s heart rate sped up, a flush spreading across his face. He saw as Mikey squinted at him for a second, before a wide eyed expression took over his face.

“Oh my god… oh my god!” Mikey yelled. “You’re, like, in love with him, aren’t you? Oh man, that explains so much!”

“What? What are you talking about? I’m- I’m not- we’re- this- no!” Donnie stuttered out, very unconvincingly. This earned a gleeful cackle from Mikey, who poked him repeatedly in the arm.

“Dude! Dude! You have a crush on Casey Jones! Casey!” Mikey giggled some more while Donnie simply resigned himself to his fate of endless torture. “This is so much better than I expected.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I was hoping you were into him, but I couldn’t be sure after your whole thing for April! It was… a lot.” Both brothers winced at those memories. “But this is totally different from how you were with her. This is a lot less creepy.”

Donnie flinched at the description of his past actions towards his best friend. He knew he had gone a bit overboard in trying to assure April’s happiness and comfort at every turn, even if he hadn’t realized it at the time. He regretted the way he had made her feel, the way he had made everyone feel. He knocked on the ground next to him thrice, which earned him a strange look from his brother.

“Chill, dude,” Mikey said, his face settling into a relaxed smile. “That’s in the past, clearly you’re over her and your freaky obsessive tendencies.”

“Yeah! Yup.” Donnie was definitely not over his obsessive tendencies. His Casey-consumed thoughts served as enough proof of this fact.

“Don’t tell me you have, like, a Casey shrine or something. Because that might be worse than your weird stalker behaviour back when…” Mikey trailed off, taking a moment to think about something. Donnie saw the moment that his brother came to a conclusion, watching as his jaw went slack and his eyes went wide.

“What?” Donnie questioned.

“You only went weirdo stalker on April when Casey came into the picture. You only ever got that intense about April when you were competing with him. This was never about April, was it? You just thought it was.” Both brothers started at each other in surprise.

It was easy to forget how perceptive Mikey could be, with how easily distracted he got. However, when all the pieces were there, Mikey could make quick work of solving the puzzle, revealing the image that only he could assemble.

After a few moments of silence, Mikey spoke up again. “So, what are you gonna do?”

“What am I gonna do?”

“Yeah, y’know, about your whole thing for Casey. You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately, are you gonna ask him out?”

“No way!” Donnie sputtered. “How would I even- why would he- no!”

“What!? Why not?”

“Well, the most glaring issue is the fact that I am a giant mutant turtle, while he is a human man! Where would I even take him on a date?”

“Ok, Dee, dude, when has Casey ever been bothered by the fact that we’re mutants?” Donnie opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off as Mikey continued. “And don’t say that it’s different when it’s a romance thing, because it’s not.”

“It definitely is,” Donnie countered.

“No way. Casey would probably be more into dating you because you’re a giant mutant turtle! That guy is a capital F freak.”

“Mikey! Ew!” Mikey laughed at him, causing a chuckle to spill from his mouth as well. As their laughter died down, Mikey placed a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to do anything about it,” Mikey began. “But I think you should. You might be surprised by him.”

“Maybe. Probably not though.”

Mikey wrapped his arm around Donnie’s shoulders, pulling him into a side hug. “Just, stop bein’ so distant, okay? I hear more about you from Casey than I do from you.”

“Ok, shut up, that’s enough. Let’s go home before Leo starts to think we’ve been ambushed.” Donnie pushed Mikey away and rose to his feet, stretching his arms out above his head.

“You’re being such a Raph right now!” Mikey said, poking Donnie in the side.

“I’ll kick you off the roof.” Mikey simply laughed in response.

Chapter Text

Two weeks after discussing his feelings towards Casey with Mikey, Donnie found out that Splinter would be hosting a family dinner in the lair. A family dinner for the whole Hamato clan.

When Splinter announced his plans, Donnie had been watching a corny horror film with his brothers. The movie was some low budget, box office flop from the 70’s that Donnie was only half paying attention to. His thoughts were, as they tended to be, focused elsewhere. The film reminded him of Casey, it was the type of movie he knew Casey would love.

Donnie was wrenched away from his thoughts when Splinter paused the DVR and stood in front of the TV. The boys were all well familiar with this particular parenting tactic. This was the move Splinter always pulled when he had non-urgent but still important information to tell his sons. It meant he wanted them to listen to his words, while also being assured that the subject at hand was not a serious, or dangerous one.

“My sons,” Splinter announced, earning a loud groan from Mikey. “On Friday, we will be having a special dinner. I have invited Karai and Shinigami to bring ingredients so that we may make their favourite traditional dishes. It has been a long time since I have had the home cooked foods of my childhood. I believe this will be a good experience for you boys, a learning opportunity as well.”

“Do I get to help?” Mikey asked, excitedly.

“I’d also like to help, sensei,” Leo supplied before Splinter could respond. “I enjoy learning about Japan from you. I want to be able to connect with your heritage and your culture.”

“It is your culture as well, my son. Just because you had not grown up in Japan, have not experienced the country for yourself, does not diminish your connection to its culture. I am your father, and you are my sons, and I have raised you much like how I was raised.”

Leo did not respond for a few seconds, taking in their father’s words. A soft smile then broke out onto his face. “Thank you, father.”

“Uh,” Mikey interrupted, unsubtly. “Does that mean we get to help out, or-?”

“Yes, Michelangelo. You may assist us in preparing the meal.” Splinter chuckled quietly, Donnie could see the fondness in his eyes.

“What are we gonna be eating?” Raph questioned. “Because if it’s something with any kind of bug, worms included—and don’t look at me like that Donnie, I know you’re gonna tell me that worms aren’t bugs, and I’m gonna tell you that I don’t care—I will not eat it. I have had enough of bugs.”

“I wasn’t going to interrupt you!” Donnie lied, defensively.

“Uh, yeah you were.”

“I totally wasn’t!”

“Boys.” Splinter said, in that stern tone that always had the boys in question freezing in place. “There will be no bugs, nor any worms, or arachnids in your meals.”

“Thank god.” Raph sighed.

“As for what foods we will be eating, I believe Karai mentioned wanting to make tomagoyaki. She wanted to learn the Hamato recipe. We will also be making okonomiyaki—at my request—and miso soup. Shinigami will be bringing mochi.”

“Shini’s bringing dessert? Aw yeah!” Mikey shot upright, eyes sparkling. Donnie could practically see the image of mochi floating through his brother’s mind.

“Yes, she and Karai are very aware of your sweet tooth.”

“So, wait,” Mikey glanced over at Donnie before continuing his thought. “If Karai is bringing Shini with her, does that mean we can invite special people too?”

Donnie felt his face start to heat up, shooting a glare at his brother. Mikey paid him no mind, smiling brightly at Splinter, with a feigned innocence that took years to perfect. Donnie knew, though, that Mikey knew what he was doing.

“I am not certain what you mean by ‘special people’ but I see no reason why your friends would not be welcomed. I had expected them to be there regardless.”

“Sweet!” Mikey exclaimed.

“What time will Karai and Shini be coming over?” Leo asked. “We’ll need to know what time to tell April and Casey they should be here.”

“We had planned to begin preparing the meal at 7,” Splinter said.

“7 won’t work,” Donnie interjected quickly. “Casey is still in hockey practice at 7. He doesn’t get out until 8; then factoring in the time it takes for him to shower, change, talk with his teammates, and make his way to the lair, Casey won’t be here until 8:40. At the earliest.”

Donnie took a breath in, and realized that everyone was staring directly at him. Raph had gone so far as to lean forward, angling himself to look past Leo and Mikey, directly at Donnie. Mikey smirked at Donnie, Leo’s face expressed deep confusion, and Raph looked— well, honestly, Donnie wasn’t sure how to describe that expression. Raph was clearly clenching his teeth, a visible tension in his jaw. His brow ridge was furrowed as he squinted his eyes ever so slightly. The glare he was sending Donnie’s way was equal parts judgemental and skeptical, with underlying anger scratching at the surface.

“Why do you know that?” Raph questioned, he spoke slowly, with measured volume and tone. Donnie knew he’d have to choose his next words carefully, lest Raph decide he was up to something and deserving of a throat punch.

“I- well… Casey and I, we’ve been working on something together. I mean, I’ve been working on it and he’s been helping. It’s more convenient to know his schedule so that I can accommodate to his availability and optimize our time. To work— on the thing.”

Raph hummed as he crossed his arms, making it evident that he was unconvinced. “And Casey told you this?”

“Yes!” Donnie responded, much too quickly to not sound defensive. It was a lie, but Casey had obviously expected him to know; because, while he never explicitly told Donnie what his schedule was, he had certainly thought that Donnie could infer for himself. Which he did. His means of data collection were unusual, but in no way harmful or illegal. He had simply observed when Casey appeared to be free, kept track of how energetic or exhausted Casey seemed when they saw each other, and cross referenced this with Casey’s patrol schedule and his attitude during. He, of course, also asked April how her classes lined up with Casey’s, and what days she was able to tutor him. He kept this information written down for convenience’s sake.

“Dude, if you’re being a creepy stalker again I’m gonna have to beat some sense into you.”

“I’m not! Mikey knows,” Donnie turned to Mikey, grabbing his shoulder. “Mikey, tell him!”

“Dee, I dunno what you do in your free time. I can neither confirm nor deny that you spend it stalking Casey.”

“Mikey, you literally saw us working on the thing two weeks ago.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what else you’ve been doing.”

Donnie had never wanted to strangle Mikey more. He could see that mischievous look in Mikey’s eyes, and he did not like what it meant for him.

“You know,” Leo started, at which point Donnie knew nothing good was going to come of this conversation. At least not for him. “You have been a bit out of it, lately. I’m not accusing you of anything, but if you’re occupying your free time with hobbies that could endanger the team bond, we do have a right to know.”

“I am sure that everything is fine, Leonardo,” Master Splinter assured. “I have seen Donatello working frequently in his laboratory or the garage with Casey. I am happy to see them truly getting along.”

Donnie blushed furiously. “Uh- thank you, sensei. I’m going to… I’m gonna go to my lab. And- yeah, bye!”

“Wait, Donnie!” Leo called after him. “We didn’t decide on what time to have dinner on Friday!”

“9 should do!” Donnie squawked before slamming and locking the door behind him.

And so it was set. The Hamato clan would be having a family dinner at 9 pm, on Friday. Which, no doubt because of Mikey’s meddling, Donnie was tasked with inviting Casey to.

The next day, when Casey walked into Donnie’s lab, hockey bag slung over his shoulder, Donnie took the opportunity to inform Casey of their plans.

“Yo, Dee!”

“Hi, Casey,” Donnie grinned.

“You ready to work?” Casey replied, dropping his bag on the floor by the lab’s entrance.

“Actually, I’ve got something to ask you about first.”

Donnie caught the hesitation in Casey’s voice when he responded. “Yeah, sure, what’s up, man?”

“Well, we’re having a family dinner on Friday,” Casey immediately relaxed, an easy smile slipping back into his face. Donnie made a note to not approach future conversations in this way. The last thing he wanted was to make Casey uncomfortable. “Karai and Shinigami are coming over with the ingredients to make some traditional Japanese dishes. Master Splinter is really looking forward to it, and so are Leo and Mikey. It’ll be at 9 pm. You can make it, right?”

“Don, are ya kiddin’ right now?” Casey was absolutely beaming as he threw an arm over Donnie’s shoulders. He was pulled into a kind of side hug, where Casey eventually settled to lean against his side, his arm around Donnie’s shoulders stayed firmly in place. Unsure what to do with his own hands, Donnie tentatively wrapped an arm around Casey’s back, hand coming to rest gently against his hip bone.

“So, that’s a yes?”

“Of course, dude!” Casey confirmed, bumping his head playfully against Donnie’s. “You know I never pass up free food. And after hockey, I’ll be starved! A star player like me’s gotta keep his calories up to keep his game up.”

Donnie rolled his eyes, trying to suppress the grin spreading across his face. An effort which proved futile when Casey poked Donnie’s cheek, chuckling.

“You can smile, Donnie. I know it’s hard to resist Casey Jones’ charm.” He winked in a stupid, obnoxious fashion, and Donnie hated the way it made his heart race.

“No way, Jones,” Donnie laughed as he pushed Casey away by the face. If only he knew how embarrassingly well his so-called Casey Jones charm worked.

As Casey stumbled back, unrestrained giggles tumbling from his lips, Donnie felt the most attracted to someone he had ever felt in his life. And how mortifying was that? Despite all the exciting, intelligent, charismatic, thrill seeking aspects of Casey Jones, Donnie liked him like this the most. Relaxed, unguarded, joyful and carefree: laughing, tripping over himself, and being so utterly human. To want someone at their best, when they present an idealized version of themself, well that’s one thing. But, to want someone like this, when they’ve done nothing but be themself, showing the version of them that so few are trusted with? That’s something else entirely. Wanting someone, with all their flaws, imperfections, insecurities, and strange little quirks—well that sounds an awful lot like love. Actual, real love.

With the warmth rising in his chest as Donnie watched Casey collect himself, he realized that might not be so terrifying. As long as he got to see Casey like this, unabashedly himself, Donnie could find a way to be fine.

Chapter Text

When Friday came around, Karai and Shinigami were, predictably, the first to arrive. They walked into the lair while Donnie and his brothers were watching yet another old, low budget horror film. Donnie found this one to be more enjoyable than the last, though he suspected that was because this movie was based in historical events. He’d always thought that horror with a basis in reality was much more engaging.

Donnie heard Karai and Shinigami approaching before he could see them. They were chatting about something that Donnie couldn’t make out from the distance, but he heard Karai’s loud bark of laughter quite clearly. As he reached over to the remote and paused the movie, all four brothers looked over to where Shini and Karai were entering the lair. They’d brought eight bags of groceries for one dinner, both of them held two bags on each arm.

“Hey, guys!” Karai called out, effortlessly hopping over the turnstiles, as if the bags she carried weighed nothing at all. Shini followed closely behind, clearing the jump just as gracefully.

“Do you guys want help with those bags?” Leo asked. Which Donnie thought was very typical of him. He always wanted to help, even when it wasn’t needed nor wanted.

“No, we’re fine,” Karai replied, confirming what Donnie had already known.

“Is all that really necessary?” Raph gestured towards the girls and their armfuls of groceries. Mikey slapped Raph on the chest, letting out an offended gasp.

“Dude! Shut up! They’re giving us free food that didn’t come from a dumpster! Who cares if it’s necessary?”

“We’re going to put this stuff in the kitchen,” Karai announced over Shinigami’s giggling. As they walked into the kitchen, Mikey reached over and unpaused the movie. Donnie checked the time, unsurprised to find that it was barely past 7:30.

“Where’s Splinter?” Karai asked, walking back out from the kitchen, Shinigami barely a step behind her.

“He’s meditating right now,” Leo explained. “He’ll be out by 8, I think.” Karai hummed in approval, and settled into the couch next Donnie. Shinigami sat herself on the end furthest from the lair’s entrance, and curled up into Karai’s side.

“What the hell are you guys watching?” Karai asked, with a hint of amusement in her voice.

“I have no idea what these people are even saying,” Shinigami chuckled, gesturing vaguely towards the TV.

“I think it’s called Fiendish Ghouls,” Raph supplied.

“Dude, I thought it was called Psycho Killers,” Mikey said, confused. Leo sighed and picked up the DVD case, turning it towards his siblings.

“It’s called The Flesh and the Fiends.”

“I don’t actually care what it’s called, what the fuck is it?” Karai cut in.

“It’s a 60’s horror film,” Donnie said. “It’s based on a real historical event—stars the guy from the classic 50’s Frankenstein film too.”

“Still not really answering my question, Donatello.”

“A doctor is paying people to bring him corpses for dissection. Those two guys are killing people to get fresher bodies because the doctor gives them more money for a less decomposed corpse.”

“Cool,” Karai shrugged.

“And this actually happened?” Mikey prodded.

“More or less,” Donnie said, twisting his hand in a so-so movement.

“Can you guys shut up?” Raph grumbled. “This movie is already hard enough to understand without all your yapping.” Karai reached over to swat lightly at the back of his head, at which he grumbled again.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the sounds of the movie and some occasional giggling. There was the odd comment here and there, mostly made by Donnie himself, but otherwise they watched the rest of the movie without much interruption. At the end of the film, Splinter emerged from the dojo. If it were anyone else, Donnie might have assumed it was coincidental, but as this was Splinter, he was almost entirely certain that his entrance had been timed. Karai rose from the couch and walked over to greet him.

“Hello, my daughter,” Splinter welcomed Karai, wrapping her in a hug. “It is good to see you again.”

Karai returned his soft smile, and stepped out of his embrace.

“And hello to you as well, Shinigami,” Splinter bowed his head in greeting. Shini stood up and bowed in response.

“Thank you for inviting me, Master Splinter,” she said.

“I believe you would have been invited anyway,” Splinter chuckled, turning towards Karai. “Would you like to begin cooking now?”

“Ooh! Yes! I can’t wait to see how to make new human food,” Mikey exclaimed. He jumped off the couch and bounded towards the kitchen. Donnie shook his head lightheartedly, watching his brother fling himself into the kitchen.

“We better make sure he doesn’t start eating the raw ingredients,” Leo sighed. Donnie could hear the note of fondness underlining Leo’s exasperation. That seemed to be the general sentiment regarding Mikey at that moment in time. At any time, really.

“It is best we get started now, as I suspect the rest of our guests will show up soon,” Splinter announced. Karai, Shinigami, and Leo all followed behind him like ducklings trailing their mother.

“What time is it now, anyway?” Donnie mumbled to himself. He checked the time on his T-phone again and smiled. 8:16, Casey would be there in less than an hour.

“What are you smilin’ about, Donnie?” Raph teased. Donnie shot him a glare, holding his phone to his chest.

“Oh fuck off, Raph,” Donnie tried to disguise his embarrassment with annoyance. It seemed to have worked because Raph rolled his eyes and got to his feet.

“Ok, man. But if you’re planning something you better leave me out of it. Unless it’s against Leo, then I want in.”

Donnie gave Raph the finger. Raph flipped him off in return, and went off to his punching bag.

Donnie sighed, glancing over at the entrance to his lab. He wouldn’t have enough time to really do anything before dinner, but the privacy would be nice anyway. He figured a moment to himself before everyone arrived would do him some good. However, before he could even start to get up, his phone beeped with a notification. Raph turned briefly towards Donnie, raised an eyebrow, then returned to pummelling the punching bag.

Donnie looked at the message notification he’d just gotten; it was from Casey. His mood immediately lifted, and he found he was smiling to himself once again.

just out of the rink! otw now

He received another text from Casey immediately after.

rushed to leave im so pumped

Donnie’s heart sped up. Casey was excited to come over. Sure, he was probably more excited about the food than seeing Donnie, but he was excited nonetheless. Donnie could not wait to see the smile that would surely be on Casey’s face. He could picture the look now, one of his favourite of Casey’s smiles, ranking third place.

He imagined Casey’s dark eyes sparkling with enthusiasm, squinting from the wide grin forcing his bottom lids up. The smile that showed off all of Casey’s teeth, biting his tongue so that the tip poked out from his front teeth, trying not to appear giddy. He always failed—Casey had never been good at keeping things in. Donnie could see light freckles on rosy cheeks, feel the anticipation that radiated from Casey’s face in waves of delight.

Donnie realized he’d been biting his bottom lip, attempting to suppress the lovestruck smile that was slowly overtaking his face. He knew he was blushing, he could tell from the tingling heat in his face and the breakneck speed of his heartbeat. He couldn’t help it. Casey just did certain things to him.

Donnie flopped onto his back, sprawling across the couch. He held his phone close to his face in an effort to hide both the screen and himself. He typed out a response to Casey’s messages.

I’m excited for you to get here! I think this will be a lot of fun.

He promptly flipped his phone face down to the couch, and buried his face in his arm. Holy shit did Donnie have to pull himself together.

Donnie heard his phone beep again, and his head shot up. Pulling himself together could wait until later.

ofc it gonna be fun im gonna be there

Donnie laughed softly at the message. Usually he’d feel compelled to point out the typo, to correct it. The urge was entirely absent this time. It seemed that Casey was becoming the exception to all of Donnie’s rules. He found he didn’t mind.

Don’t text while you run, bozo.

Casey replied much faster to this message than he had the previous.

howd u know i was running??

Donnie snorted, drawing Raph’s attention to him once again. Raph shot him a confused look, glanced at the phone in his hand, then shrugged and turned back to the punching bag. Donnie rolled his eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that day.

Because I know you.

Donnie tapped his fingertips against his thigh three times, and stared at his phone waiting for a response. He felt his heart skip as the text came through.

yeah
u do :)

The simple affirmation that Casey also thought the two of them were close felt so important to Donnie. Casey confirmed that he Donnie knew him so well, subsequently revealing that he knew Donnie well enough to know how well Donnie knew him. Donnie’s head spun. He was starting to overwhelm and confuse himself. He sent a smile emoticon back, and put his phone away.

“Hey, guys!” Donnie whipped his head towards the lair entrance so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. He’d been so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn’t even heard April coming until she was practically already in the lair. He couldn’t believe himself. He’d been raised by the greatest ninja master of the last century, and yet his mind was so absorbed by thoughts of some greasy, obnoxious, ridiculous, endearing, beautiful… Donnie stopped his train of thought, flushing in embarrassment. He got distracted thinking about Casey, while scolding himself for doing that exact thing! The irony was almost poetic.

“April,” Raph called, snapping Donnie out of his thoughts. “What’s up?”

“You guys are the ones hosting dinner, don’t ask me,” April giggled. “I brought my dad though.”

True to her word, just after April hopped the turnstiles, her father arrived. Kirby looked slightly uncomfortable and out of breath.

“Really, April, you didn’t have to make me run.”

Donnie watched in concealed amusement as Kirby awkwardly shuffled into the lair.

“Hey, April, Mr. O’Neil!” Donnie greeted.

“Hey, Dee!” April hopped over to him and threw herself unceremoniously onto the couch.

“Master Splinter is in the kitchen, by the way,” Donnie said to Kirby.

“Thank you, Donatello.”

Donnie looked down to April, who looked like all her bones had dissolved once she hit the cushions.

“I’m assuming Casey isn’t here yet,” April raised her brows in amusement.

“No, but he’s on the way.” Donnie’s sixth sense for his brothers’ bullshit started going off. Looking at the smirk on Raph’s face, he knew he couldn’t leave it at that. “And no, Raph, I did not put a tracker on him. He told me.”

Donnie watched as the smirk twitched, then grew into a scowl.

“Why’d he tell you and not me?”

“Because you don’t answer your phone,” April snarked.

“Yes I do!”

“Looking at your messages and then answering them in person does not count.”

“Whatever,” Raph scoffed.

“You treat your phone the same way my grandpa does, dude.”

All three of them turned to the new voice in the room. Casey was perched on the stair rail, hockey bag under his right arm. His hair was still damp, presumably from the shower he took after hockey practice. He was looking at Raph with that stupid, smug smirk that Donnie just wanted to kiss right off his face.

“Casey!” Donnie called, not even bothering to mask his joy. Casey’s expression shifted into a more genuine smile when he looked towards him, and Donnie tried not to read too far into it. Tried, being the key word. He can’t be blamed for hoping that the subtle shift in expression was because Casey liked him back.

“Dee! What’s up, man? You miss me?”

“I spoke to you, like, ten minutes ago.”

“You’re dodging the question,” Casey gasped dramatically. “You did miss me!” He threw the back of his hand over his forehead in an exaggerated gesture, mock fainting like he was the leading lady in a silent film.

“Fuckin’ Queen Victoria over here,” Raph mocked Casey.

“Yeah,” Casey retorted, defiantly. “And you’re getting the guillotine for being a bitch.”

“Knock it off, you two,” April said.

“April, my knight in shining armour,” Raph said sarcastically. April rolled her eyes and flicked her hand at him, twisting his mask around so the eye holes were on the back of his head. Casey laughed so hard at Raph that he dropped his hockey bag. It hit the floor with a loud thump, bringing it back to Casey’s attention.

“Oh, you mind if I put this in the lab, Dee?”

“Go ahead,” Donnie shrugged.

“Wicked.” Casey picked the bag up and darted over to the lab, Donnie was content to watch, until Raph spoke up again, catching his attention.

“What the fuck?”

“What?” Donnie asked, genuinely confused. He had Casey in his lab all the time, Casey knew the rules, and he knew where to put his stuff so that it was out of the way.

“You just let him go in there, alone,” Donnie nodded along, not seeing the point Raph was trying to make. “You didn’t even tell him not to touch anything.”

“Why would I need to?”

Raph stared back at Donnie like he’d spoken Mandarin backwards. Donnie looked over to April for help, only to find her already looking at him with a smirk. Then it clicked. Casey was the exception to the rule.

Nobody but Donnie could go in his lab and poke around. Not without his presence and permission. Donnie felt comfortable letting Casey go in his lab, unsupervised. He wasn’t even fazed by it. He was letting Casey put that dirty hockey bag in the lab, and he wasn’t worried that Casey would put it in the wrong place. He didn’t consider for a second that Casey would mess something up in there, not even by accident. Nobody else would get away with that— Donnie would have shut them down before they even started.

“Why’re you guys all staring at each other?” Casey asked.

“Donnie let you in the lab,” Raph stated, slowly.

“Yeah?”

“Unsupervised.”

“Well, he’s only right here, but I guess.”

“Donnie doesn’t let anyone do that.” Raph looked completely out of his depth. He stood there stunned, like Casey had just presented them with a severed head.

“Raph… Casey’s in there with me all the time,” Donnie said.

“Yeah!” Raph exclaimed, finally snapping out of his confused haze. “With you! Not on his own!”

“Raph, are you ok?” April asked hesitantly. Raph nodded, waving her concern away.

“I’m fine, I just- what?”

“Casey’s been in there with me enough, he knows where to put his stuff,” Donnie looked over to Casey and let a small take up residence on his face. “I trust him.”

Casey locked eyes with him and smiled. What a beautiful sight that was. Donnie could have choked on his heart with the way it leaped in his chest.

And then he was pulled out of it.

“Awww!” Mikey cooed. “That was so sweet!”

“It was gross,” Raph said. “I think I lost my appetite.”

“Bad time for me to tell you that the food’s ready, then,” Mikey teased, slipping back into the kitchen. The four of them scrambled to follow.

The table was cramped with dishes and cutlery, Donnie’s whole family crowded around it. Their plates were piled with food, paired with a bowlful of miso soup. The scent of fried vegetables dominated the room. The air around them was warm and light, filled with laughter and chatter. It was loud, but it was really nice. Donnie hadn’t realized how badly they all needed this—some time to catch up and bond, with no imminent threat looming before them. Kirby had made a point to capture at least one nice picture of the scene.

Donnie had made sure to sit next to Casey. Karai was on his other side, Shinigami next to her. They were sharing stories from their most recent trip to Tokyo. Donnie was paying more attention to Casey’s reactions than to the story itself. It wasn’t that he didn’t care what they had to say, but every time he tried to draw his attention away from Casey, he would be pulled back in by a bout of laughter, or a shocked gasp, or a muttered word. Seeing as Casey’s expressions shifted from one to the next was hypnotic.

Donnie was forced back into reality when Casey nudged his elbow. Donnie looked over, and noticed that Casey hadn’t eaten anything yet.

“What’s up?” Donnie asked quietly.

“I don’t know what any of this stuff is, man.” Casey chuckled under his breath.

“Do you want to know what it’s called, or what’s in it?”

“I wanna know what you think of it.”

Donnie felt a blush creeping onto his face. Casey wanted Donnie’s opinion before he tried the food. Donnie had no idea why Casey would ask him, considering this was also his first time eating these foods, but Donnie found it incredibly sweet.

“I think it’s really good, but I think you should try it for yourself.”

“Well, cheers.” Casey took up a piece of his okonomiyaki and popped it into his mouth. The moan he let out at the taste of it was almost obscene. “Mmmohmygod, this is fucking delicious.”

Donnie’s eyes went wide, that sound was going to keep him up at night for months. He was sure he was blushing so furiously he looked like a traffic light. He ducked his head and shovelled his food into his mouth, trying to make his reaction less obvious. He heard Karai stifle a laugh next to him.

“I see you really enjoyed that.” Karai said it to Casey, but Donnie knew she meant it for him. He knew for sure when Karai kicked his ankle under the table.

“You gotta gimme this recipe, holy shit.” The whole table laughed.

Karai turned to Donnie once the laughter died down and other conversations picked up. She kicked his ankle under the table again, earning her a glare.

“I thought we weren’t fighting anymore?” Donnie grumbled.

“This isn’t fighting,” Karai said in an annoyingly cheerful voice, one Donnie knew that she was putting on to mock him. “This is sibling bonding.” Karai dropped the voice, returning to her regular speech. “So, what have you been doing lately? You’ve got to have been working on something interesting.”

“Yeah.”

“Well..?” Karai looked at him expectantly.

“I don’t have a name for it yet, but I’ve been working on it with Casey-”

“Huh?” Casey interrupted at the sound of his name.

“I’m telling Karai about what we’re working on.”

“The super metal weapon of ultimate ass kicking.” Casey nodded, excitedly.

Karai and Shinigami burst out laughing at the exact same time. It was a little freaky.

“You’re not actually calling it that, are you?” Shinigami cackled.

“No,” Donnie turned towards Casey, held a finger up, glared at him, and turned back to Shini and Karai. “No, we’re not. It’s a placeholder name.”

“Well what is it?” Karai asked.

Donnie explained the general idea to her, and she seemed genuinely impressed. She asked questions about specific features Donnie wanted to add, inquiring about the potential uses of each one. She was invested when Donnie explained how he acquired the parts to make it. Then Shinigami asked about why he chose certain materials over others, and that got Donnie going on a whole rant about the setbacks he and Casey kept running into.

“The biggest problem is that we don’t really have anywhere to test it,” Donnie complained. “We can’t do it in the lair because Master Splinter doesn’t want me to blow up our home… again. We can’t do it at Casey’s apartment, obviously, because he lives in the middle of the city with his dad and sister. We can’t test it anywhere in the city, really, because there are too many risks involved. We can’t run our tests in a dump or a scrapyard, because we could literally blow ourselves up. In theory, we could try it at the O’Neil farm house, but we don’t want to be responsible for a forest fire.”

At the end of Donnie’s rant, Karai looked very amused. Shinigami pulled Karai closer by the arm of her shirt, and whispered something in her ear. Karai’s eyes lit up, and she whispered back to Shinigami. The two of them discussed something in quick, hushed words, and came to an agreement within a few seconds.

“We have somewhere you can test your little project,” Karai announced.

“For real!?” Casey jumped in his seat. He grabbed Donnie’s shoulder and shook him. “Dude!”

“What’s the catch?” Donnie asked. He found it hard to believe that such an offer would be made without any expectations attached.

“No catch,” Karai assured him. “But Shini wants to try it.”

“Deal!” Casey declared, sticking a hand out for Karai to shake. She rolled her eyes at the gesture, but shook Casey’s hand anyway, which Donnie appreciated. Casey promptly returned to shaking Donnie’s arm, and Donnie didn’t mind nearly as much as he should have.

“I’ll text you where to go sometime next week,” Karai nudged Donnie with her elbow and winked. “I trust you’ll tell Casey everything.”

Chapter Text

Donnie and Casey showed up to the warehouse after patrol. They were both antsy, having waited eagerly all throughout another uneventful night. Karai had messaged Donnie an address and time the day before, with very little additional information. She had told them to be there at 2:00– in the morning. Donnie wondered what the hell the rest of Karai’s daily schedule looked like, considering that 2am was a convenient meeting time for her. He also had to think that, in some convoluted way, this was Karai’s attempt at being considerate of him.

The warehouse was unsuspecting, situated in the middle of a shipping yard, hiding in plain sight. It was two stories, with small windows lining the top floor, and three padlocked bay doors on the ground floor. The metal siding was a dark red, with small patches of rust beginning to oxidize. It was, overall, nothing different from the warehouses surrounding it, save for the excess amounts of graffiti coating its walls.

“Is it bad that I’m, like, kinda underwhelmed?” Casey asked.

“I wouldn’t cast your judgment yet,” Donnie said. “Looks can be deceiving.”

“I agree, Donatello.”

Casey and Donnie whipped their heads around, searching for Karai. She was sitting on top of a shipping container, feet hanging off the side, one knee crossed over the other, leaning back, and using her left hand to prop up her weight. Shinigami was at Karai’s side, as she tended to be more often than not. Shini sat cross legged, hands folded in front of her, looking down at Donnie and Casey with amusement.

“Nice of you boys to show up,” Shini said.

“It’d be nice of you girls to come down,” Casey replied. Donnie didn’t even have to look to know that Casey was smirking.

Karai slid down from her seat on the shipping crate, landing quietly on her feet.

“You didn’t bring anything with you,” She observed.

“We came straight from patrol,” Donnie explained. “Don’t turn this into an interrogation, it’s just been a slow week.”

“Whatever you say.”

Donnie rolled his eyes at Karai’s response. For someone who had been an older sibling for so little time, she was frustratingly good at it. Donnie couldn’t be sure if it was accidental or purposeful, but she had mastered the art of sibling speak. Karai picked the exact words to make Donnie want to punch her in the face, without actually saying anything that would give him reason to. She spoke with a perfect mix of condescension, skepticism, and annoyance—with just a hint of underlying affection. Donnie had only ever heard her take up this tone when speaking either to him, or to their brothers. Karai could barely be considered their sister, but shit, she was getting there.

Karai scoffed at Donnie, then she directed her gaze towards Casey. She looked him up and down, scanning over his body. Karai looked like she was checking him out. Donnie didn’t like that one bit.

He knew Karai had kissed Casey before, though she was being mind controlled by Shredder at the time. Donnie wasn’t mad at Karai for that, it hadn’t been her choice, but he still didn’t like that it had happened. What bothered him the most was that Casey had enjoyed the kiss, he’d even bragged about it afterwards! He didn’t care that the kiss had been part of a ploy to kill him, didn’t care that it almost succeeded, and most certainly didn’t care that he was bragging to Karai’s brothers about her having kissed him. Donnie knew that if Karai was actually interested in Casey, there was an extremely low chance that she would be rejected.

That ugly, angry, searing jealousy was clawed at Donnie’s skin. He didn’t want to think about someone else with Casey. Nobody else should be with Casey. Donnie’s fingers twitched, itching to curl into a fist. He had to calm down. He tapped his fingers three times against his thigh.

Karai wasn’t looking at Casey anymore, she was making direct eye contact with Donnie, one brow raised. “Does he always dress like that?”

That explained why Karai had looked at Casey like that. Donnie let out a huff of laughter and turned to look at Casey. He was wearing his ridiculous vigilante gear over his paint-stained civilian clothing, which he always did when they patrolled. The dumbass had the guts to look offended while sporting a spray painted hockey mask on his head.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Donnie said.

“Hey- what!?” Casey sputtered. “You’re not gonna come to my defence?”

“Well, technically, there’s nothing to defend you against. Karai didn’t say anything insulting.”

“You know she meant it!”

“I did.” Karai supplied, very amused and very unneeded.

“See!?” Casey waved his arms wildly at her, which did not help his case at all. In fact, it only drew attention to his gloves, and the stupid amount of nails sticking out of the catcher.

“Well, she’s right.”

“Donnie! You’re s’posed to be on my side here, man! This is, like, nonmutant discrimination!”

“It’s not discrimination, asshole, you look ridiculous.” The exasperation in Donnie’s voice was getting suspiciously close to affection. “You wear a fucking jockstrap over your jeans!”

“Are you guys gonna keep arguing or do you want to see the warehouse?” Karai butted in. Donnie and Casey both clamped their mouths shut, turning their full attention on Karai.

“That’s what I thought,” She laughed.

One of the bay doors behind them opened with a loud crash.

“Holy shit!” Casey yelped. He and Donnie turned to look at the door, where Shinigami was laughing at them.

“You are so easily scared!”

“When did you get there!?”

“Calm down, Casey,” Donnie rolled his eyes. He placed a hand on Casey’s shoulder and dragged the boy to Shini.

“You’re real freaky, y’know that?” Casey announced to Shinigami. She chuckled again, endlessly amused by Casey.

“Well, yes. I do try.” Shini winked at Casey, and Donnie’s blood boiled. His possessive streak may have been becoming a problem, he realized.

“Come on, we’ll show you around,” Karai stepped past Shinigami into the building, waving for the boys to follow. “Not that there’s all that much to see.”

She hadn’t lied about that, the place was almost completely empty. A quick scan of the first floor revealed a large, open space, occupied only by a few crates and some metal tables. There was a door in the back right corner of the room, parallel to a staircase to the second floor—if it could be called that. It was more like a catwalk allowing access to a few more rooms.

“Light switch is over here,” Karai gestured to the wall near Casey. “The breaker panel and water boiler are in the room at the back. The manuals are still in there somewhere, even though I don’t think Donatello would need them.”

“He definitely wouldn’t,” Casey confirmed. He slung an arm around Donnie’s shoulders, pulling him close. “He’d find something wrong with the boiler even if it was the best one in the world.” Donnie couldn’t tell if that comment was meant to be an insult or a compliment, though knowing Casey, it was probably a bit of both. He shoved Casey off, feigning annoyance while trying to hide the blush on his face.

“You guys can use these tables if you need to,” Karai continued. “I have no idea where they came from or why they’re here, so if you destroy them or whatever, I really don’t care.”

“Maybe they were used for torture,” Shinigami supplied. Casey cackled at this suggestion, most likely oblivious to the fact that it was a very real possibility.

“Dude, we should totally take a black light down here to look for blood stains!”

“Ew!” Giggled Shinigami, nodding in agreement nonetheless.

“That’s not exactly how that works,” Donnie stated. “Blood stains don’t glow in UV light, but the iron in the hemoglobin becomes luminescent when exposed to a chemical called luminol.”

“Well, let’s try that!”

“The glow only lasts for 30 seconds, Casey.”

“What!?”

“We could still spray luminol around and see what glows, but we wouldn’t know if it’s blood residue, or something else.”

“Man,” Casey grumbled, looking adorably dejected. “Thanks anyway, Donniepedia.”

“As far as I know, nobody died in this warehouse anyway,” Karai informed them. “It was mostly used for munitions smuggling.”

“Okay, that’s less awesome, but still pretty cool.”

“Why would somebody dying in this place make it cooler?” Donnie asked, incredulous. Casey’s thought process never failed to baffle him, he could write entire academic papers on why Casey’s mind fascinated him.

“Lots of reasons,” Shinigami said. “Haunted reasons.”

“Hell yeah!” Casey cheered. “You get me, Shini-girl!” He held out his hand for a high-five, which Shinigami excitedly gave him.

Donnie didn’t like this bond of sorts growing between Casey and Shinigami. He knew it was stupid to feel jealous over the two getting along, but he couldn’t help it. Shini was gorgeous, the kind of haunting beauty you rarely see outside of late-Romantic paintings. Her eccentric and vaguely unsettling personality, while off putting to the average person, would only interest Casey more.

“If you guys are done,” Karai spoke up. “I can show you what’s upstairs.” Not waiting for a response, Karai strode over to the staircase.

The second floor had just as little to offer as the first. There were four doors on the back wall, two of which had glass panelling on them. Through the first glass door, a small meeting room was visible. Inside was a wooden table, surrounded by six chairs. The other glass door led into an office, with a large wooden desk, a filing cabinet, and a katana hung on the wall behind the desk chair.

“Looks like Shred-head left a little souvenir,” Casey joked.

“Why would he even have a katana on the wall?” Donnie wondered aloud. “He always had on tekko-kagi.”

“Intimidation?”

“Like he needed to be more intimidating.”

“It’s a trophy,” Karai said.

“What did he win it for?” Casey asked. In the past, Donnie would have found this question stupid and annoying—it was still stupid, of course—but now it was just endearing.

“Not that kind of trophy, pucks-for-brains. Well- wait, actually kinda, but still no. It’s a physical reminder of a victory in battle, and one that serves as a warning for anyone thinking of challenging you. Shredder probably had at least one in every building he owned,” Donnie explained. Both he and Casey turned to Karai for confirmation, at which she nodded solemnly.

“He was one messed up freak,” Shinigami said.

“You say that all the time,” Karai laughed.

“It’s true! He was! We all met him!”

“Yeah, Shredder was one freaky dude, dude.” Casey shrugged as he spoke, jostling Donnie’s arm. He hadn’t realized Casey was standing so close to him until then, a thought that made Donnie’s gut feel all warm and bubbly.

“I know,” Karai turned on her heel and walked towards the remaining two doors. “He raised me!”

“And I used to think my dad sucked.”

“Well, the Shredder makes anyone look like a saint. Your dad probably still sucks. Though, I don’t know him, so I can’t say.” Shinigami waved her hand in a so-so gesture.

Donnie knew very little about Casey’s father, which said enough on its own. The man was very absent. He worked long shifts to make rent, and spent most of his time at home asleep. What little other time he had was spent with Casey’s younger sister, leaving Casey utterly neglected. It had been this way since their mom passed, over ten years ago.

“Wow, am I the only one here with a good father?” Donnie joked.

“Hey!” Karai turned to slap Donnie’s arm playfully. “He’s my father too!”

“So I’m the only one who was raised by a good father,” Donnie amended.

“Pretty much,” Karai confirmed. “Anyway, these are the bathrooms. One toilet and one sink in each. No showers, so don’t do anything too nasty.” Karai winked at Donnie, and he once again wanted to punch her in the face. If only she weren’t so capable of completely kicking his ass without breaking a sweat.

“Don’t set yourselves on fire either,” Shinigami continued in Karai’s place. “There are no fire… erasers? Karai?”

“Fire extinguishers. And the sprinkler system is turned off. So, you can test your flamethrower but you’ll have to be prepared to put out any fires yourselves.”

“Alright, thanks for the heads up,” Donnie tried to sound as sincere as possible. He truly was thankful for what Karai was doing.

“No problem. That’s everything anyway. Any questions?”

“So, like, you said Shredder used this place to smuggle munitions, right?” Casey asked. “Guns and bombs and stuff?”

“That’s what munitions means, yes.”

“And you don’t use this place for anything?”

“No?” Karai was visibly becoming confused while Casey’s smile slowly grew.

“So, what’s in those big ol’ boxes down there?”

“I… actually have no idea.”

“You didn’t think to check?” Donnie squawked.

“It’s probably guns or something! If it was really dangerous Shredder would have come back for them!” Karai defended herself.

“So, what? Guns aren’t dangerous now?”

“Not compared to what we’ve seen!”

“That-” Donnie paused, thinking about Karai’s statement. “That’s actually a fair point.”

“Okay, cool,” Casey interjected. “Can I look in them?” He was glancing back and forth between Karai and Donnie, giving them that stupid, pleading, wet cat look. Any resolve Donnie might have had instantly crumbled looking at Casey’s infuriating, adorable face.

“Oh, yes!” Shinigami clapped in excitement. “I’m looking too!” Without so much as a second look in Karai’s direction, Shini jumped the guard rail on the catwalk. She landed with the grace of a ballerina, bounding over to the large crates.

“Go on, Casey,” Donnie sighed.

Casey’s face lit up with the same excited grin he got every time he was about to do something a little reckless. (Ranked fourth place in Donnie’s mind.)

“Dee, you rock!” Casey hugged him tightly, if only for a brief moment. He then ran off, shouting “This is so metal!”

Donnie and Karai remained on the catwalk, looking down at Casey and Shini. Donnie was content to watch Casey gleefully pry open and root through the crates. Casey’s container was filled entirely with canisters of different gasses, which Donnie would certainly be making use of. Upon getting her crate open, Shinigami squealed in delight.

“Casey, look!”

Casey bounced over to her side, letting out a cry of joy when he looked into the container. It was full of semiautomatic weapons. The two of them excitedly examined the guns, passing them back and forth, chattering and giggling.

Jealousy burned and bubbled in Donnie’s gut like magma. He loved seeing Casey happy, but he hated not being the source of it. He hated how close Shini and Casey were standing. There was barely a foot of space between them. Worse yet, they touched hands every time they traded weapons.

“He isn’t her type,” Karai said, startling Donnie out of his thoughts. She was standing directly next to him. He hadn’t noticed her moving into his space at all.

“What are you talking about?” Donnie scoffed.

“You can stop trying to kill Shini with your mind. She isn’t into Casey.”

“Stop it, Karai, I don’t see how this is in any way relevant.”

“You are so obvious, Donatello.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” A blatant lie, and both parties knew it.

“I’m just saying, you don’t have to worry about my girlfriend stealing your man.”

Wait. What?

“Your what?” Donnie yelped.

“And I thought you were supposed to be the smart one,” Karai rolled her eyes.

She was right to be amused, Donnie realized, because this was all so obvious in retrospect. While Karai and Shinigami weren’t particularly open about their relationship, they’d certainly made no effort to hide it either. The two of them were very affectionate, holding hands, hugging, leaning on each other—cuddling, really. They were fiercely protective of one another, dropping anything to have the other’s back. Since Shini had come to New York, Karai was seldom seen without her. Come to think of it, Shinigami moving to New York in the first place was evidence of her romantic involvement with Karai. People don’t move to the other side of the world to join an illegal vigilante organization, with no guaranteed pay, for someone they’re just friends with. At least, Donnie didn’t think so.

“Holy chalupa, I am such an idiot.”

“If it means anything, I don’t think Raphael or Leonardo have noticed either.”

“That’s… not a high bar,” Donnie sighed.

“Well,” Karai chuckled. “I wouldn’t expect you to have very high standards anyway.”

“Wha-hey!” Donnie sputtered.

“I mean, seriously, Casey Jones?”

“He’s not that bad!” Donnie cringed at his defensiveness, he was really giving himself away. “I mean, I don’t- you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Karai levelled him with a flat look. He sighed in defeat.

“How did you know?”

“How couldn’t I?” Karai retorted. “You are not nearly as good at hiding your crush as you think you are.”

Donnie groaned, throwing his hands over his flushed face.

“You want my advice?” Karai asked, in the gentlest tone that Donnie had ever heard her take. He dropped his hands back to his sides, and looked hesitantly over to her. “Treat him like he matters. People like him,” Karai hesitated for a second before continuing. “We aren’t used to being cared for, or cared about. Too much at once is overwhelming, it feels overbearing when somebody else actually expresses concern for your safety. So, show him that you genuinely want him to be happy.”

“I-” Donnie choked on the words. Karai had never been so vulnerable in front of him; he knew this was an important moment. “Thank you.”

They didn’t look at each other, they didn’t exchange any further words on the subject, they simply stood in silence, watching Shinigami and Casey. It was nice. It was what Donnie needed.

Casey Jones,

It’s starting to feel like you will be the last person to find out my feelings for you. Everybody says that I’m so obvious, and if I didn’t know you so well, I might be inclined to believe that you’re deliberately ignoring the signs. But I do know you, and I know that sometimes you need things to be spelled out for you. I’m too scared to tell you directly, but I desperately want you to know.

I think that’s part of my problem. I don’t really know how to express my feelings to you. At least, not in any manner that could expose the depth and intensity of my affection. I can let it out in bits and pieces, but I can’t make you understand the meaning. I’m not going to stop trying though.

Karai gave me some shockingly good advice. She told me to treat you like you matter, to show you that you’re important to me. She’s good at reading people, certainly much better than I am. I trust her.

Really, it shouldn’t be difficult. You do matter. I care about you so much—more than I can even begin to express. I just don’t know how to show it in an acceptable way, certainly not in a way that wouldn’t feel overbearing to you.

I want to be by your side at all times. I want to hold you close and keep you safe. But I don’t want to impede your freedom, I know how important your autonomy is to you. I want to support you in any way I can. I want to make you feel loved the way that you deserve to be. I just don’t want to scare you away.

All my love, whether you know it or not,
Donnie