Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

One, two, three, up! 

One, two, three, fall.

One, two, three, up! 

One, two, three, fall.

One, two, three, up—

Tommy’s earpiece crackled as tubbo tapped rapidly at his keyboard, catching the hybrid off guard.

“Underscore?”

“Sorry, one minute… I think we got something going on nearby… THERE! Five roofs to your left, the first floor, got it?”

Tommy hummed an affirmative, hopping off the roof and entering the shop. A bald dude with red and blue 3d movie glasses held the barista at gunpoint. The bells on the door jingled behind him, and the criminal inside span around to face him, and–

Was that a gun??

Damn. This guy got issues or something

“GET ON THE GROUND!” 

Probably…

“Uh… no?”

The bald guy did a double take, confused.

Perfect.

Tommy walked over to the confused glock wielder, and stole his gun.

“Bald glock wielder no more. Only glock wielder.”

“Tommy, no. No glock wiel–.” Tubbo started to say, but since when did Tommy ever listen to his tech support?

Since never, that’s when.

Tommy took out the earpiece, putting it in his fanny pack. Pointing the gun at the bald man (who was still in shock, by the way), he told the barista to run.

One, two, three.

Three steps back.

Why? He’s not so much of a dick to want to poke the guy in the eye!

He shot the gun, and a banner rolled down, reading “Hoes be mad.”

“Wh-how the fuck??”

The no-longer-glock wielder fell over, and passed out.

Mission complete.

-o-O-o-

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TAKING OUT YOUR EARPIECE???”

Tubbo was pissed, and for Tommy, it’s a typical Tuesday evening.

“I know, I know. HEY RANBOOB! CAN YOU START DINNER?”

Across the house, his other roommate shouted back an affirmative. In front of him, an angry Tubbo snatched his recently acquired glock.

“COME ON! Tubbo!”

“I told you no glock wielding FORTY SIX TIMES!!!”

“But I am Master Of Glocks! They need me, Tubbo! You can’t take away their father!”

“Good thing you aren’t their father then.”

“Tubboooooo!” Tommy whined

“Say goodbye to glock #83!”

“NO!!”

And Tubbo threw the gun into the ever growing glock-pile, never to be retrieved.

Well… maybe not ‘never’ ...

Chapter Text

Tommy was furious. Furiously devouring the cereal Ranboo— no, RanBOOB— had prepared for him. It was time for breakfast, and big men like Tommy could not forget such a meal. After all, today was the day he would finally retrieve Clemintine. (yes, he spent half an hour figuring out a name for her. Shut up.)

He had a moth sticker to put on her, and he had to give it to her now. And, as all Big Men know, “now” means “after breakfast”.

“Tommy! Can you go out and get some groceries?”

Tommy had the mind to refuse, but then. He had a capital-T Thought. What if he used the groceries as a distraction to give him an opportunity? So, with a lack of resistance that single handedly caused the raising of Tubbo’s eyebrow, he agreed. 

-o-O-o-

Tommy never liked getting groceries. More than never liked. He HATED it. He always hated how overpriced everything was, and ever since The Applesauce Incident, Tubbo had forbade Tommy from stealing anything. He’s been listening, of course, kind of, sorta… okay- maybe not at all...

As Tommy checked the list for the thousandth time, he snatched a pack of M&Ms and put it in his backpack.

He never listened to Tubbo anyways.

Tommy had grabbed the bag of noodles Ranboob had asked for, and then left.

Now, time to get Clementine back.

-o-O-o-

Tubbo had known that Tommy hadn’t stopped stealing from the local store. As much as he scolded Tommy about it, he was okay for the extra food. He knew Tommy wouldn’t get caught, but that didn’t stop Tubbo from worrying.

He couldn’t pay another fine this month…

Unpacking the groceries with Ranboo was always calming, but he couldn’t help but feel like something was off…

Tommy was acting odd today...

Usually Tommy had to be dragged kicking and screaming to do anything chore-like… Never mind. It’s probably better to not look a gift horse in the mouth though.

-o-O-o-

Tubbo was absolutely right. Of course he was.

Tommy had stolen back Clemintine, and left immediately to go out on patrol. He was ‘Nameless Vigilante’ no longer. Now he was Glock Wielder.

All fear Tommy Danger Careful Kraken Innit.

Chapter Text

Tubbo had finished unpacking the groceries (from last chapter) and had started scrolling through reports. He could count how many glocks were in the pile, but he already knew there would be only 82.

Instead, Tubbo scrolled. He may be a vigilante alongside Tommy, but Tommy was the only one who actually went out. So, Tubbo scrolled. Most of the reports were about a random criminal called “Thunder” or something, despite having nothing close to electricity powers, that had escaped prison after being arested by “nameless vigilante” (aka Tommy). Finally, Tubbo found something new. “Live broadcast; Nameless Vigilante and Pro”—

Tubbo shot up and ran over to his computer, putting in his earpiece, his phone forgotten on the table, the brodcast’s name reading “Nameless Vigilante and Pro Hero Dream fighting in lower L’manburg.

-o-O-o-

As much as Tommy would love to say he didn’t have enemies, he did. Some of them were pricks part of the hero committee, and some of them were the not-so-local villains that did organized crime. (They were still prick, by the way)

Right now, he was facing off Dream. Yes, Dream. That homeless green teletubby. 

“Vigilante! Stop fighting, and you’ll get a shorter sentence! Just calm down!”

Yeah right. Changing a life sentence to one thousand years wasn’t a ‘shorter sentence’ at all! Besides, he’d never listen to a dickhead that got his name wrong!

“It’s Glock Wielder, bitch!”

“I–”

Dream was probably going to say something he’d regret, but luckily for him he got cut off by being hit by a car.

“Damn. Well... I'll be heading off now!”

"Vigilante! Get back here!" Dream was shouting, but that car was really persistent, and ran into the man again! good job car!

Tommy fled the scene.

-o-O-o-

Of course, Tommy hadn’t put his earpiece in while on patrol, so he was prepared for Tubbo to scold him. Why would he put on his earpiece if Tubbo hadn’t known he was going on patrol? Well, uh…

Tommy doesn’t know. Tubbo is strange like that sometimes.

Enough speculations about what Tubbo would scold him about! It’s time to go re-arrest The Inferior Glock Wielder™! To avoid angering Tubbo anymore, he put the little red airpod looking thing in, and promptly told Tubbo to shout at him later, and help him find Thunder first.

Underscore, that son of a bitch, didn’t listen though.

10 minutes of Tubbo yelling through the earpiece later, he finally told Tommy that Thunder was fleeing towards one of the local apartment buildings.

‘What a weird place to go to…’ Tommy thought ‘especially if you know you’re being chased…’

Chapter Text

Turns out, Thunder was just stupid. 

Tubbo had immediately suspected the worst when he saw Thunder just… walking home?  

He told Tommy to be cautious, and suited up in the outfit he had designed for his Underscore persona in the event that he’d need to leave the comfort of the apartment the trio lived in. After Thunder had arrived home, Tommy tackled him, and then that was that. 

Thunder was back in prison, Tubbo hadn’t needed to debut, and Tommy had another successful mission. 

Speaking of Tommy, where was he?

…

Not again!!

“TOMMY DANGER KRAKEN SMITH BELOVED INNIT! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!” Tubbo screamed into the earpiece.

‘One… Two… Three.’

No response.

What?

-o-O-o-

‘What have I done now?’

That’s what Tommy was thinking when Tubbo had screeched his name, full name, the room one over.

“Your roommate is calling for you. Does he do that often? Screech like that?”

“Yes he does. He’s weird like that… Don’t mind him. I’m thinking of doing some destruction. You got any ideas, Clementine?”

“Perhaps we should go to that prison place, and visit Thunder?”

Clementine, that brilliant moth-sticker-gun, always had the best ideas.

“Yes. We will bully that bald bitch and then glitterize his cell. It will be perfect. ”

A knock at the door reminded him that he had a very angry Tubbo awaiting him.

Nah. Fuck that. Tommy grabbed his GlitterCan™, and rather than getting defenestrated by Tubbo, he jumped out the window on his own.

Putting in his earpiece so he wouldn’t get murdered a second time when he came back, Tommy went full sprint to the prison.

-o-O-o-

Chapter Text

Arriving at the prison, Tommy realized this break in would have a few problems that he didn’t know how to deal with. For one, he’s breaking in to a prison, something that is designed to stop people from getting in or out. Not a problem! He can just open the doors, right? That’s how doors work!

Five ‘locked’ doors opened and a thousand strange looks from prison guards later, he arrived at the prison cell labeled “Thunder” and had found his target. The bald villain didn’t look so good. He was in the left corner of the cell, sitting on his bed, writing something down in his journal.

“OI DICK’EAD!”

Thunder looked up, shocked expression quickly fading to panic.

“Wha-what the fuck are you doing here?!?”

Thunder looked close to having a panic attack. Tommy ignored the question.

“Do you like glitter?”

“Wha-? You know what, I’m not gonna question that anymore… how did you even get in here? This is a maximum security prison!”

Tommy opened the prison cell door, and closed it behind him.

“Maximum security? Huh… It’s a pretty terrible ‘maximum security’ prison then…”

“THAT DOOR WAS LOCKED! WHAT THE FUCK?”

“It was? I don’t think it wa-”

Both of them fall silent when a pair of heavy footsteps echo through the halls. Rounding the corner and walking leisurely by their cell was Paralys. 

Paralys was known to not make sense. Some of the things she did, not even Tommy understood. Where Tommy had been told he had bent reality somehow, like making a stolen knife an edible candy, Paralys was known to snap her fingers and then suddenly have a candy knife in her hands. Tubbo had explained his power to be ‘bullshit’ and as if he was able to do anything just because he wanted to, and Paralys had the power of ‘nonsense’, and simply defied logic. With her green hoodie and white porcelain ‘:3’ mask, she was almost a complete opposite of Tommy.

For a while, people called her “The Anomaly” because of her way of defying logic, as well as her side in the political world. She wasn’t a villain or a vigilante, and she was in no way a hero. It had taken about a year for the class of anti-hero to become official, and from then on she was the symbol of it. She had never actually murdered anyone, so she wasn’t a villain, nor did she work with them, and since she wasn’t a hero, what was she doing in Pandora’s Vault???

Paralys stopped in front of the cell, and tossed Tommy a ball of some sort. It was shiny- sparkly even -and had a sandpaper-like texture. After staring at it for a moment, Tommy threw it at Thunder and ran to the opposite corner. Half way to the bald villain, it exploded in a burst of glitter and super glue. Tommy set down three more glitter bombs and dashed to the door, exiting the cell.

“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!” Thunder shouted, now covered in purple, yellow, and red glitter.

Paralys snickered along with Tommy at the sparkly villain. Tommy leaned over to Paralys and theater-whispered to her.

“Do you see any differences? I can’t tell if it’s the glitter, or his shiny scalp that’s sparkling over there…”

“Definitely baldness. Just as shiny as ever” Paralys theater-whispered back.

Then, about three prison guards rounded the corner, and the red and green duo sprinted out of there.

Chapter Text

To say Tubbo was pissed at him would be an understatement. After a full hour of Tubbo shouting at Tommy, he was starting to fall asleep. Well, he was, then Tubbo had tried to beat him with a ramen packet. That got both his and Ranboo’s attention. Neither of them (Nor Tubbo) could afford destroying food for fun.

Tommy had been grounded from vigilante work for a month! He couldn’t believe it! Luckily, Tommy hadn’t put away his vigilante outfit, so Tubbo couldn’t stop him completely.

Eight boring hours at school, and one magical girl superhero transformation later, Tommy was back outside, patrolling lower L’Manburg. It was surprisingly quiet today, with only one mugging. The criminal was a wimpy dude, so the victim didn’t even need help!

He supposes it’s a good thing, the crime rate falling and all, but it’s still really boring!

A ping finally rings from his earpiece, and he reads out the message.

—

LOWER L’MANBURG: DISTRICT 74

KIDNAPPING: [NAME UNKNOWN]

COTTON CAFE — LEFT ALLEYWAY

HYBRID TYPE: SPIDER
HAIR: BLACK
EYES: RED
AGE: 6 YRS

REPORTED BY: WATCH_DRONE_74

—

Well fuck.

Now Tommy needed to call in Tubbo, or give his bee hybrid roommate a heart attack…

Tapping the button that signaled Underscore and Ender that he needed them on tech support, Tommy headed towards district 74

-o-O-o-

By now, maybe Tubbo should have accepted that Tommy wouldn’t listen to him. Maybe Tubbo should have debuted as Underscore and joined Tommy on patrol. Maybe Tubbo should have expected to get called over to be tech support.

Whatever Tubbo ‘should have’ done, it didn’t matter right now. Right now, Tommy was out on patrol, and there was a kidnapping, probably for a fighting ring. That meant that Tubbo and Ranboo actually had to be on standby.

Who knows what would happen if someone tried to capture Tommy! (They already knew the answer to that question, but they agreed not to talk about The Asylum Incident back in [REDACTED].) It was a better option to just get the kid back and then tell Tommy off then have him try to do it on his own and get caught.

Shaking his head, Tubbo snaps out of whatever that two-paragraph-long-zone-out was, and reads over the information displayed on his computer screen again.

“Okay, Tommy-”

“It’s Glock Wielder, bitch!” Tommy interrupts over the interpiece, and Tubbo sighs and continues on.

“Fine, Glock Wielder, You’re gonna need to be on look out-”

“I know all this shit, Underscore… can’t you just give me the directions and let me get this over with?”

“Fine… Just… Stay safe, okay?”

“I’ll be fine! Don’t worry about me!”

“Trust me, I will. Anyways, about five rooftops to your left you’ll find a bakery, then you go about five shops to the right when facing the entrance, then from there…”

-o-O-o-

Chapter Text

Tommy had done it!

I mean, of course he did, but he was still proud of himself.

No one had seen him, no alarms went off, and he was right in front of the room that (according to Tubbo) a certain six year old spider hybrid was in.

Well, no time like the present! Time to go meet a child!

-o-O-o-

Shroud didn’t know what to expect when the door opened, but there were a lot of mean people around here.

There were a couple other kids that Shroud had met, but he didn’t talk to them, so he never learned any of their names.

He knew better than that.

He knew They wouldn’t want him to talk to the others.

Shroud had been kidnapped for about four hours, and he guessed it would be another seven until his first fight, so when the door opened only two hours after he was put in the dark room, he was surprised.

Glancing up, the oddly early timing made a lot more sense.

Most everybody in Lower L’manburg knew about the local vigilante. Many names had been passed around, such as Red Chaos and Lucid, but none of them really stuck. He had a red hoodie, had a pair of raccoon ears and a tail along with a pair of wings. He seemed to defy logic, and often used the shock or confusion of witnessing his actions as a technique for detaining and arresting villains or criminals.

The vigilante was here to save him, and the vigilante had walked right into The Asphodel Meadows.

That guy was Screwed.

-o-O-o-

Chapter Text

Tubbo knew there was something wrong when Tommy’s earpiece stopped working. He couldn’t contact Tommy, and Tommy couldn’t contact him, and Tommy probably didn’t even notice.

It had started with slight confusion when Tommy didn’t trigger any traps, nor did anyone stand guard. Fighting rings and labs like these always have some form of security, and this was definitely one of those two, but Tubbo couldn’t figure out where everyone was.

The second thing that tipped Tubbo off was that Tommy hadn’t used his powers once. All the doors were actually unlocked, and all the alarms were broken normally.

The third and final thing that made Tubbo hit the panic button was when his research into what type of psychopathic prick owned the ring finished and pinged him to alert it had found his answer.

He wished it could have been any other ring.

—

The Asphodel Meadows:

Founder: [REDACTED] — (Codename: Ò̴̥͉̤͎̏̐̃̌͜C̸̛͈̹͔͔̝̣̈́̔̄́̕ͅG̷̞̩̣̻̞̊̈́͑͛͠Ṱ̶̈̿F̸̺̖͇̺̂͌̀͌̕͜)

Primary Location: [REDACTED]

[No Other Details Found.]

—

Tubbo found himself staring at the strange text. Had something glitched? If the information wasn’t there, it would just say ‘[REDACTED]’, or something similar… not whatever that was…

Tubbo snapped back to reality when another ping alerted him that Tommy didn’t receive the signal to get the fuck out of there.

“ENDER! WE HAVE A CODE BLACKOUT! I REPEAT; CODE BLACKOUT!”

Ranboo took a second to process what Tubbo just shouted, then grabbed his sunglasses and face mask and disappeared in a flurry of purple particles, only to appear again a moment after.

Out of breath, Ranboo muttered “Asphodel-” - pant- “-We can’t get in-” - pant- “-They locked Tommy in-” - pant - And Ranboo then collapsed.

-o-O-o-

Tommy should have noticed by now, the silence on Tubbo’s end, but he was too busy trying to figure out why the six year old (apparently named Shroud, if that tag thing was anything to go by) was looking so concerned. For him. Like, what did he do?

Shroud and him were walking towards the place Tommy had gone in through, and used to be a door, but now was just… not.

There was a wall where there was a door, and Tommy was trapped.

Shroud gave him a look that said ‘I told you so’, and Tommy glared back.

Behind him, he could hear light footsteps, and he turned around to see none other than Paralys herself.

“Hello, Tommy.”

-o-O-o-

Chapter Text

Shroud had never actually thought that they could escape, but it was better to try and fail then to not try and die a meaningless death in a fighting ring.

Shroud hadn’t thought that they would run into Paralys of all people, much less learn the red hooded vigilante’s name.

Did Paralys know ‘Tommy’?

Were they friends? Rivals?

Shroud hoped for the former for his own sake, but he guessed the universe hated him, since Tommy’s body language displayed panic, and… 

And something.

Shroud couldn’t tell, since Tommy had set him down when they got to the ‘door’ and was facing away from him, but he knew that there was something there.

Tommy eventually broke the silence, but barely. His voice was shaky and Shroud could only barely make out what he said. 

“What are you doing here?...”

Paralys took a few steps so she was within arms reach of Tommy, and offered him… a flower crown?

It was made up of little six petaled white blossoms woven into a wire circlet. In Shroud’s opinion, it was quite pretty.

Pretty, but never something Shroud would want to have for himself. He’d rather die than wear a crown that represents something connected to that god damn ‘meadow’.

-o-O-o-

Tommy stared at the flower crown, a million memories coming back to him.

-|5-|-A.M.|-

Tommy had woken up in a strange place, a figure with a mask above him.

“Persephone?”

“Good morning, Floret,”

“Who… Where am I?”

“You’re in [REDACTED]. You fell asleep on the way here.”

“Oh… okay…”

Tommy buried his face back into his pillow, hoping to get back to sleep.

-|8-|-A.M.|-

“Floret! Wake up! It’s your birthday!”

Tommy startled awake to see Persephone shaking him with a big grin on her face.

“You’re going outside with Hades today, remember?”

Tommy shot up and ran down the stairs, Persephone chasing after him.

Eating breakfast at a pace that had broken even Persephone’s record, Tommy bolted to the door, and started waiting for Hades to downstairs and unlock it.

. . .

Five minutes had passed.

Hades still wasn’t here.

. . .

Ten minutes had passed.

Hades still wasn’t here.

. . .

Twenty minutes had passed.

Hades still wasn’t here.

. . .

Thirty minutes had passed.

“Hades is taking quite a while, don’tcha think??”

. . .

Fifty minutes had passed.

Hades couldn’t have forgotten.

…Right?

. . .

Three hours had passed.

“Where’s Hades?”

“...I don’t know.”

. . .

Five hours had passed.

Hades still wasn’t here

. . .

Eight hours had passed.

Hades still wasn’t here.

. . . 

Eleven hours had passed.

“It’s getting late… We should get to bed”

“Can’t we wait five more minutes?”

. . .

Fourteen hours had passed.

“Floret, we should be getting ready for bed by now…”

“He’ll come, I’m sure of it! We’ll get to go outside, both of us!”

. . .

Nineteen hours had passed.

Hades was back.

Tommy hadn’t got to go outside.

-|-10-A.M.-|-

Tommy had escaped! He was outside!

There was a bright circle in the sky (It burned Tommy’s eyes to look at though), and there were white puffy things in the sky that looked really tasty.

Maybe he would get to try one of those some day!

Tommy ran around, exploring the unfamiliar place. There were mushy brown solid mushroom clouds, and scratchy brown solid mushroom clouds, and these weird straws that had oddly smooth, Tommy would almost call it soft, colorful curved papers.

Tommy recognised those as flowers.

Flowers smelt nice back in The Asphodel Meadows, a sweet honeysuckle scent according to what Persephone told him. He thought that asphodels smelt like flowers, but he’d never smelt any other flowers, so he didn’t know.

Well, now he knew, but before now, there were asphodels and only asphodels.

If he were to describe the scent of these flowers, he’d say that they smelt like if you took an asphodel and then added a bit of the aftertaste of those yucky leaves he ate one time when he was seven. The aftertaste was nice, but the leaf was bad.

He grabbed one of the strange flowers, and went on his way.

Years later, he’d learn that the pink cup-shaped flower he had picked was called a tulip.

-|-12-|-A.M.|-

Tommy looked back up to stare at Paralys- no- Persephone.

“You remember me, Floret?”

“Wh… Why are you here?”

Persephone sighed, then put the flower crown back into wherever she had grabbed it from.

“To get you two out of here. ”

Tommy turned back to the door-turned-wall, and then back to Persephone.

“With what exit?”

Persephone followed his gaze, then shrugged. Walking over to the wall, she tapped it thrice, then took a couple steps back.

“Just make one,”

And the wall spontaneously combusted.

-o-O-o-

Chapter Text

Tubbo was confused.

Ranboo was confused.

‘Shroud’ was confused.

Tommy was only sorta confused.

Paralys- no, ‘Persephone’- not that either-

Whatever-She-Was-Called™ was the confusing.

“So, Tommy, care to explain why you brought a infant-”

“I’m six years old!” Shroud corrected, insulted by the fact Tubbo had said otherwise.

“Sure, whatever, anyways- Why you brought a infant and a antihero into our appartment?”

“Nope.” Whatever-She-Was-Called™ and Tommy said at the same time.

“JINX!” They both yelled, with Whatever-She-Was-Called™ continuing with ‘now you owe me a soda’ afterwards.

“That’s not how jinxes work!!” Tommy shouted, throwing a random ping-pong ball at her head.

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Is n-”

“Will you two please SHUT UP?” Tubbo screeched, a almost banshee-like sound.

“Fuck you!” Tommy yelled in reply, and Whatever-She-Was-Called™ added on “Never!” after, then they both disolved into laughter.

-o-

[One Talk-That-The-Authour-Is-Too-Lazy-To-Write That Was About, Quote; The Incident Later]

-o-

After having discussed the odd spontanious combustion of a wall-that-was-once-a-door, Tommy and Whatever-She-Was-Called™ had to play a game of chess. Tubbo wasn’t sure who was winning, since he had about seven checkers on the board (don’t ask him where they came from, he honestly didn’t know) and Whatever-She-Was-Called™ had three guess who cards at Tommy’s starting row just sitting there. Tommy’s king piece was no where to be found.

“Checkmate!” Tommy shouted in triumph as he placed down—

Was that a domino?

“No fair! I was about to win too!” Whatever-She-Was-Called™ complained, whining.

“L, anyways, HEY RANBOOB!! WANNA PLAY SOME CAS-UNO POKEMON GO FISH?”

Ranboo and Whatever-She-Was-Called™ agreed, and in the end, Tubbo watched in terror as Ranboo placed down a card.

“Ace of spades.”

“Oooh… that’s ruff…” 

Tommy shrugged and played one of his Uno cards.

“+4”

“Damn, tough luck”

“Jokes on you, Go Archeus!” and Whatever-She-Was-Called™ played one of her pokemon cards from her hand and onto her bench.

“No faaair! You got god on your team!”

Trembling, Tubbo placed his pair of goldfish in a forth pile.

“Go Fish?”

“No, you dumbass, you say that if you don’t have the right card!”

“Ah.” 

And they passed their hands to the right and picked up their new set of cards from in front of them.

-o-O-o-

In the end, Whatever-She-Was-Called™ had won Uno and Pokemon, Ranboo had won whatever card game they picked, and Tommy had won gold fish.

“Sucks to be you, Tubsters,” Tommy had teased before getting beat to a pulp with a spoon.

Chapter Text

Jack doesn’t like prison.

Jack doesn’t like this prison.

There’s still glitter glued to the cell from when that ‘vigilante’  and Paralys came by.

He almost misses the chaos from six chapters ago…

It’s lonely in prison.

Jack doesn’t like prison.

-o-O-o-

“HEY DICKWAD!”

Jack almost snapped his neck with how quickly he whirled around to see a certian not-so-heroic vigilante.

“You missed me?” 

Jack shook his head, humming a negative.

The vigilante looked around Jack’s cell, then opened the door and walked in. In retrospect, Jack shouldn’t have been suprised when the door opened, like there wasn’t a chain lock there five seconds ago. In retrospect, it would have made less sense if it worked the first time, but not the second. In retrospect, it made sense– as much sense as it could –that the vigilante just… opened the door…

That didn’t stop Jack from freezing up in shock.

“You good man?”

‘Fainting this much is probably not healthy.’ Jack thinks, then promptly passes out.

-o-O-o-

Tommy doesn’t understand people. He opens a fucking door and the faint.

Like, what’s so shocking about that? Doors open! That’s what they do!

Right now, well… no… about fourty seconds ago, Tommy was planning to re-decorate Thunder’s cell.

Now, he was trying to figure out what to do with a passed out villain in prison.

. . .

Nothing.

. . .

Still nothing.

. . .

OH! That’s a fun idea!

“Hey Clem, how you feel about dropping Thunder off at the local glitter factory?”

“I think that’s a exelent idea, Tommy.”

And so they kidnap a villain. From prison.

-o-O-o-

Arriving at GlitterCo™ (boring name, if you ask Tommy), he set Thunder down and promptly threw a GlitterCan™ at him.

There.

He’ll be stuck for weeks!

Now, time to flee the scene.

Chapter Text

Tommy woke up in a dark room.

He was tied to a chair, and there was a desk in front of him.

Huh.

A light flicked on and he noticed he wasn’t alone.

Tommy stood up.

The other person stared at him.

Tommy stared at the other person.

The other person fell over.

Huh.

Tommy left the strange building, and stopped by an ice cream shop and got himself a ice cream. Tubbo would be mad he didn’t get any ice cream for him, but Tommy didn’t want to spend four more dollars on another.

However, when he walked in his apartment there were no soon-to-be-fuming-Tubbos in sight. instead, he was greeted by what he guessed was a firefly hybrid that he did not know .

The person’s attention snapped over to him, some panic seeping into their eyes.

“Uh…”

What the fuck is up with today?

Chapter Text

There was someone in his house.

That same someone had a bullet hole through their shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Tommy eventually managed to spit out, and the supposed firefly hybrid shrugged in response, wincing immediately after and cursing under his breath.

Switching the light on, Tommy got a better look at the stranger. They had silvery dark blond hair and a purple hoodie with cuts along the back that allowed glass-like wings to fold comfortably on his back. He had a pair of antennae that’s tips glowed a light purple.

Another thing Tommy should mention, he had no idea how fireflies work… Despite this, he’s pretty sure they don’t have glowing antennae.

Hybrids sure are weird…

Tommy snapped back to reality (oop there goes gravity) when the intruder spat out another string of curses as turned towards him and pointed a knife that came from who knows where with his right hand towards Tommy, bringing the raccoon-avian hybrid’s attention to the hole through his hoodie.

“Is that a fucking bullet wound?”

Now, Tommy was no medical professional, but he was pretty damn sure you didn’t just leave a bullet wound open like that.

Hm…

Cork.

Tommy walks off to the kitchen and grabs a cork to one of their olive oil bottles, washes it off, and walks back to the living room all the while the intruder is staring at him, confused.

“What the hell are you planning to do with a cork?” The intruder asks him, as if the answer isn’t obvious.

Tommy walks over to the old couch and makes the universal sign to sit down.

The intruder quite hesitantly sits on the dusty couch, still looking confused AF.

Tommy pops the cork in the hole in his arm.

The intruder loses his fucking shit.

“WHOA, HEY! CALM DOWN!” Tommy shrieks along with the other guy, backing off to the other side of the room.

A couple moments later, when they’ve both lost their breath and are much calmer, the intruder finally manages to ask what the fuck that was.

“What the fuck that was.”

Tommy stares at him, for once he was the confused and the other person was the confusing.

“Huh?”

“I said, what the fuck that was!”

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE?”

“You don’t make any sense!”

“No, you!”

“No, you! ”

“Y’know what-”

The firefly hybrid pulled out an uno reverse.

Damn.

“...Nice.”

“So… What now?”

“No clue… What’s your name, Mr. Mysterious Hoodie Guy?”

“Purpled, you?”

“Tommy Danger Kracken Smith Beloved Innit at your service.” Tommy replied, giving ‘Purpled’ a two fingered salute. “Oh, hey! I figured out what to do!”

“Hm?”

Tommy glanced back to the card still in Purpled’s hand, then pulled out a deck of Uno cards.

“You’re on.”

Chapter Text

After their game of uno (that they had to re-name “The +2 Incident” after him and Purpled cleansed the deck of any “Draw _ # of cards”s), Tubbo had bursted through the door and demanded Tommy go get some ice cream without even knowing he already visited the parlor. 

After that, Tubbo reprimanded him for bringing so many new friends home for god knows how long. Quote: “You already have Shroud and Drista and my money is already going to go to the negatives! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-” (turns out while on the group’s visit to the local park, they had re-named Whatever She Was Called™ “Drista” for a reason only people on the other side of the fourth wall know)

Eventually, Tubbo stopped screaming and Ranboo had brought bowls of ramen.

\men for everyone over to the small table. 

Huh.

Ranboo had added salt…

“Oi Tubsters, did you buy any salt recently?”

Tubbo paused, confused, before answering. “No? Wait- now that you mention it…”

They shared a look, then both turned to the ender hybrid. “...Did you intern at the hero’s headquarters again?”

Ranboo sighed, but shook his head which surprised both of them.

“Sorta…”

Tubbo and Tommy shared a look, then darted over to the DIY sofa that was made of a mix of stiff pillows for the frame and a old bed sheet to cover it all. They switched on the TV, and as they suspected there was a new villain running around by the name of Nightshade.

“Hold on, It’s not what you think. I didn’t become a villain to get some salt for our ramen.”

Tubbo gave him a disbelieving look, and with the backbone of a chocolate eclair, Ranboo relented.

“Okay… I did… But only when they offered it!”

That got their attention.

“Wait What?!-” 

“-Who’s attention?!”

The ender hybrid realized his mistake, and tried to backtrack, but it was too late. After Tubbo went back to screaming for another five minutes, he got to explain himself.

“So… a while back, while I was an intern for the heroes, someone that I now know was Atargatis had come up to me and offered me a job in the Syndicate. I had declined, of course, but after that internship ended I had found one of the other members bleeding out in a alleyway on the way home, she’s Coronis, and I had teleported her home and her husband had helped patch her up… after that, she offered me a job as a get away teleporter/rescue team, and I wanted to try out being a villain, so… yeah.”

Tommy and Tubbo listened with wide eyes, and as usual, Tommy spoke up first.

“WHOA! That sounds so wild that you could have a spin-off fanfic about it!”

Tubbo just nodded in agreement silently, knowing that the author is probably too busy writing Purpled but he’s a Dilophosaurus to make that spin-off.

“Wait- Tubbo, did we forget about the forth wall again?”

“Fuck-”

Chapter Text

After a… brief amount of time in the void, Tommy and Tubbo returned with the fourth wall repaired and a new fear unlocked.

“Let’s never do that again…”

Tubbo slowly nodded his head in agreement, his eyes about as wide as Tommy’s.

-o-O-o-

Jack had been stuck in the glitter factory for about a week before he was arrested and brought back to prison, and for the first time, he was glad to be back in jail.

However, his time in Pandora would come to an end soon.

See, Jack was part of the syndicate, and there was a new member. Sure, he may not look it, but he’s one of the top villains in the city.

…

HEY! Don’t judge him! That bullshit vigilante guy is just impossible!

…

Okay, I guess that makes sense, BUT STILL!

Jack’s part of the syndicate!

Seriously!

Ugh… This is impossible.

-o-O-o-

You remember that one time where Tommy broke in to that “max security prison” just to taunt a bald guy? Yeah. That time.

Well, he’s gonna do it again.

Actually, this'll be the third time he’s done it!

Clementine the glock and Tommy the vigilante busting into a prison to bully Thunder yet again, what could go wrong?

Sadly, before he could even get to the front door, Thunder broke out of prison on his own and flipping Tommy off when he spotted him. Over the chaos, he could hear the villain shout “FUCK YOU” before disappearing around a corner.

Well… Can’t bully a bald guy if he’s not here…

Also, some ice cream sounds really good right now… how about ending this mission early?

Yeah, lets do that.

Chapter Text

Purpled had been staying at Tommy's place for about a day now, and he could say with one hundred percent certainty that...

Something was really wrong with these guys.

I mean, who puts ramen in milk? Seriously??

-o-O-o-

Tommy was walking through the streets of Lower L'manburg when it happened.

It had been a quick blow, one he couldn't block. One moment he was up right, making his way back to his apartment, the next he was on the floor, bleeding out.

A quick glance behind him, and he saw it was Thunder.

Thunder.

He wouldn't die to a bald dude! He can't go like this!

Ah.

That's a perfect plan.

Tommy continued to bleed out and soon disappeared in a puff of smoke only to drop down standing up and fully healed.

Fuck.

He still died to the bald dude.

"You asshole!"

Thunder stared at him in shock.

"Now I've been killed by a bald dude!! This is TERRIBLE!!!!"

Tommy spun on his heel, stomping off, leaving a confused balding villain in his wake.

Chapter Text

Tommy stepped into the apartment with a bloody hole and red stains on his shirt.

"TOMMY! WHAT HAPPENED?!" Tubbo all but blasted, overreacting.

"Bald fucker stabbed me. I'm fine."

Considering the disbelieving and worried looks the others gave him, they didn't buy it.

Tommy strolled by them, tossing his ripped hoodie into the pile to be washed, and putting away the rest of his gear.

Purpled sighed, staring down at his ramen with a look of despair. He was going to starve in here...

-o-O-o-

Clementine was starting to get irritated.

She hadn't been mentioned in forever!!

Qu3sti0n! What are you doing!! This is a Tommy-Centric Fic!

Oh...

Clementine stared into the void with her lack of eyes.

She would probably get more screen time for breaking the fourth wall...

Worth it.

Chapter Text

Tubbo stared at the man standing in their apartment.

A car skidded by, almost hitting him, running into a creeper hybrid. A quick glance through the window, and... yep. Still the sonic fursuit man. Still Connor.

Chapter Text

Tubbo felt like he was going insane.

You cannot stop Tommy Danger Careful Kraken Innit.

Chapter Text

The new place had been great so far.

Chapter Text

Purpled stood in the middle of a dark abyss.