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She doesn’t know what makes her notice it the first time. Maybe it's the way her arm suddenly stilled in the middle of their meal, halfway through the conversation they were having with Bow and Glimmer, stalled and hovering over her plate. Maybe how she suddenly seemed interested in the discussion they were having about the different birds Bow had seen around Etheria as of late but continued to idly push food around her with her fork. Or maybe, actually, it's how she finished eating before Adora- like always, with food still left on her plate- only a few bites in of each different item. Things could’ve changed in the years they were apart, she supposes. Catra still hasn't finished telling her everything that happened while they were apart and she doesn't blame her for it, either. The things she went through, what she was subjected to- she really can't fully imagine. She can only understand through Catra’s own explanations, and that alone tends to be too much for her most times. They've Had this talk a few times now, mostly when they're lying in bed, facing each other, whispering about nothing and everything. Adora has shared some of her own more painful memories during the war to even the field and lay herself bare for Catra. She knows how it feels, to open yourself like that.
Adora doesn't realize she’s staring, or just how much she's staring until catra shoots a glare her way. Adora jumps back into the present with a jolt, muttering a sputtered apology with dusty cheeks. Catra's face softens before she can turn back to her own food, shooting Adora an almost antagonistic look that isn't too unusual for her.
“Need somethin’, Princess?”
Adora rolls her eyes, smiling as she does so. “Can't I just look at my pretty girl?”
She smiles back, leaning into her chair and petting Melog on the head from where they're currently perched on the ground next to her as Glimmer continues the conversation, paying the both of them no mind.
When dinner is over and their plates have been collected, Catra excuses herself, saying she's going on a walk with melog. Melog meows, low and odd, as she bends and presses a kiss against Adora's cheek before exiting into the hall with the promise to see her later in their room.
Adora sits in her seat, listening quietly as they talk about something she no longer knows about. She stopped listening in favor of Catra a while ago. She lets a good few minutes of their conversation pass before she speaks up.
“Do you think she's acting weird lately?”
They both stop, turning to look at her. Glimmer shoots a glance to the ornate door of the dining hall like she's going to find her still standing there, silently watching. “Who, Catra?”
“Yes, Catra. Who else?”
“No, I mean… no? Not really?”
Adora hums to herself. A little more distraught than she wanted it to sound based on the look her friends shoot each other.
“What do you mean?” Bow asks instead.
She stops, considering for a moment if this is really something she should delve into. Catra’s still getting used to Brightmoon. She’s still getting used to Bow and Glimmer. She can tell by her mannerisms that she’s still nervous around them, still getting to know them. And again, she gets the feeling. She was in her place just years ago. Eventually, though, the words flow out of her mouth, barricade recklessly abandoned in favor of Catra’s well-being. “She hasn't been eating her dinner the past few nights. She finishes before us and just sits there without saying anything. And she was pushing her food around tonight, too. That’s weird, right?”
For a moment they don’t answer her. They look at each other, not in a way that makes Adora feel nervous or regret asking them about it, but in a way that shows they don’t quite know what she means. Finally, they turn back to her with no trace of judgment on their faces, Bow moving to speak. “Adora, if you think it's something to worry about, just ask her. We didn't grow up with her like you did. We don't… know all the niche things about her yet. Not like you do. Nothing she did seemed odd to us.”
She makes another distraught noise, sliding back down her chair.
“It’s possible she could just not be feeling good, either. Both of you don’t really embrace sickness that well, you know,” Glimmer pokes.
Adora narrows her eyes at her.
“Adora, just go ask her, ok?” he placates.
Adora sighs, standing from her seat and designating herself to tracking down Catra with a quick farewell.
She spends some time wandering around the grounds of the castle, mentally kicking herself for not asking her where she was going on her walk as she loops around the gardens a second time. The Brightmoon gardens are, well, lavish. And extremely big. She can’t say she’s seen a lot of gardens in her life besides the ones in Plumeria, but it probably goes without saying that this is one of the biggest gardens in Etheria.
She stops in her tracks once she notices a silhouette farther down the path, not one that was there before. She gets excited for a moment, about to call out to the figure before her eyes focus and she registers the figure as someone else- one of the garden attendants.
When the attendant sees her coming she turns to her, smiling and gently nodding her head to her. “Good evening, She-Ra.”
Adora smiles back with an uncomfortable toothy smile. “Just Adora, thanks. Have you seen Catra around?”
The attendant frowns, shaking her head before answering. “Not here, I’m afraid. I did see her in the lower west halls earlier before I came out here, however.”
Adora’s brows furrow, searching her memory for what she could be doing in the lower west halls until, duh- Adora. She knows what’s down there. She jogs away from the attendant, shouting a quick thanks, destination now secured.
When she reaches the gym, her eyes immediately find Catra. She’s changed her clothes from dinner, now sporting a cropped maroon top with gold accents and black high-waisted leggings that loop under her feet. She’s not using any equipment, but rather running laps around the track.
As she steps into the gym Melog perks up from where they’re lying in the center of the room, sitting up straight and seemingly happy to see Adora. She smiles back at them.
Catra, however, doesn’t seem to notice her arrival. That, or she chooses not to acknowledge it. She just continues running around the track, sweat beading down her forehead and chest as she glides past the blonde.
“Catra,” she calls, hoping to steal her attention.
Catra only keeps running.
She supposes, then, that she maybe could have waited until they met back at the room later. But she also decides as she passes her again that whatever is happening is actually bothersome, and her odd reaction to Adora’s presence does nothing to lessen it.
This time as she goes to pass her again, Adora reaches her arm out to grab her quickly, lightly. Stopping her in her tracks and pulling her closer. She groans, letting her head fall back as she’s pulled into her body.
“Hello,” she says pointedly.
“What, I can’t run?” she snarks in return.
Adora ignores the jab, sighing and letting her hand fall down to hers. “It’s not that. You’re worrying me.”
Catra’s face angles from her. Eyes now narrowed and ears falling lower against her head. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve noticed, at dinner. You’ve been eating slower, not finishing your food, and not talking as much. If you don’t like what the kitchen makes we can ask if they have anything else- maybe go into town for something if-”
“It’s not that,” she interrupts bluntly, now fully looking to the side. Her face has A slight flush accompanied by her lip quirked in a specific way that indicates annoyance.
Adora waits, patiently in silence for Catra to continue but she doesn’t. Her gaze simply remains adverted from Adora’s, seemingly looking anywhere but her. Her gut twists painfully suddenly, realizing she hadn’t accounted for one obvious circumstance.
“Did I do s-”
“No!” She interrupts again, heaving an exasperated sigh as she pulls her arm away from Adora’s grip. Her hand hovers there awkwardly before lowering it to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. “You didn’t do anything,” she sighs, eyes still adverted from Adora's as the last few words slide out as a whisper.
“You're perfect.”
Her eyes flit around the room in the awkward silence, looking for something- anything to latch on to. When she sees Melog, sitting propped in the corner watching them, she notices how their mane is a milky deep shade of blue. Noticeably much darker than it was at dinner.
“Catra, what's wrong?”
She looks at her, finally, but her eyes are creased and accompanied by furrowed brows. “Look, can I run, please? I promise I'll come back to the room later. And then we can… talk about it.”
Adora hums, nerves spiking. But Catra doesn't run from her just yet. She places the palms of her hands on her shoulders, leaning up on the tips of her toes and pushing out her lips. She leans down, meeting her in a soft-lipped kiss before she turns away again, leaving Adora with only the gentle brush of her hand across her shoulder before she’s back to running on the track. She spares one last glance at Melog, who now has their gaze fixed back on Catra, before surrendering and leaving the gym. Pushing her to talk won't do either of them any good, and the last thing she wants to do is pressure her or be too overbearing. So later it is.
Adora tries to occupy herself with tasks that take her mind off their pending conversation. The kiss, while it felt like a bandaid attempting to cover something far too big for it, still alleviated her worries a bit. Catra’s kisses will always be one of the sweetest, most lovely, and most welcomed gifts that Adora has ever had the pleasure to receive.
By the time Catra returns to their room an hour has now passed. She throws her a quick smile before she’s rifling for another set of clothes in their shared wardrobe, Melog parting ways with her and jumping on their bed and curling themself into a ball at the foot of it.
“You mind if I wear this?” She holds up one of Adora’s newer shirts, a thin white turtleneck that scoops at the bottom, leaving it loose and flowing.
She nods, questioning why she chose white of all colors but relishes in the fact that she’ll be wearing her shirt, and hopes her scent will linger the next time she wears it.
When she returns from the bathroom, having changed and freshened up from her run, she takes Adora by surprise and jumps into the bed, colliding with her and leaving them both giggling at Adora’s ‘oof’ as she knocks the air out of her. Adora flips her, rolling her off her body and propping herself up on her arm next to her on the bed.
“Okay, you ass,” she pokes her in the side, drawing out her high-pitched laugh as she pulls her down closer by the shoulders.
When she stops giggling, she hooks her fingers behind the blonde’s neck, letting her arms lay lax as she searches her steely gray eyes, biting her lip idly in thought.
“You promised,” she reminds, whispers.
Catra exhales, closing her eyes and nodding her head with a slight exhale. “I promised I’d come back to the room,” she teases.
Adora’s brow furrows and she opens her mouth before she interrupts. “I’m kidding! Kidding,” it takes another moment, and then, “I’ve been having some issues with eating, which you’ve noticed.”
She nods with newfound worry. While she acknowledged what she noticed at dinner, she didn't quite consider that the two went hand in hand, that eating itself was the actual issue. That statement opens a whole new pit in her stomach, but she remains patient to not crowd her in this moment and let her take her time. Catra’s ordinarily not the type of person to put her heart on her sleeve, and she's not about to let it slip away.
When Adora doesn’t press for an explanation, she continues. “I noticed a week or so ago I gained some weight, and it hit me pretty hard.”
“Catra," she murmurs. "You're beautiful no matter what, you know that, right?”
“But I care. I care how much I gain, how much I weigh, and I don’t…I just,” she looks to the side, words having left her.
“You don’t know why?”
Catra huffs. Her hands move to grip her arms tight for just a moment before she loosens them, letting them just rest there. “It’s just different. Different than what I’m used to. I didn’t- I mean, we could never be, you know? We had to always be conscious about it, or we got disciplined for being out of our weight class. And it’s not like we really had food either, what with the garbage sludge they gave us,” she sighs, rolling her eyes. Adora places a hand over one of hers. “I know, deep down, it’s fine. That this weight is because I’m eating better, actually eating good, healthy food, and I’m supposed to have this weight but… whenever I try there’s just this voice in the back of my head and it just clouds all reason, everything. And the things it says well, it isn’t nice.”
Adora hums, rubbing her thumb idly over her hand, listening. She can’t argue with anything she said. The Fright Zone lacked any qualified personnel to raise the kids it did, what with its unfounded weight requirements, how they handled injuries, and how they treated sickness like a thing to be ashamed of. Their biggest concern lay in the quick utilization of as many soldiers as possible, with people who could care less about mass health as their reigning decision-makers. Briefly, she wonders how many other rehabilitated soldiers are dealing with the same issue.
“I think you should see someone.”
Catra inhales, low and deep like she’s trying to steel herself in place.
“Not Perfuma. I don’t think she would work for you. Also, I think you’d rip her head off.”
She chuckles. “Yeah, probably not.”
“I can talk to Glimmer and Bow, see if they know anyone-” she stops once she feels her eyes on her. She shakes her head, arms still holding on to each other.
“Not yet. It’s just… too personal.”
Adora nods, sending her a soft smile of reassurance. “I won’t say anything, then,” she stops herself again, shutting her mouth quickly.
Catra notices, though, and smiles up at her knowingly. “Unless you get worried?”
She sends her back a lopsided smile. “You know me.” Then, “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
She reaches a hand up, pulling her ponytail down so it lays over her shoulder, hanging above her. “I will be. We’ll find someone like you said. Even though I really do not want to.”
Adora smiles at the ‘we’ll’ and takes her hand in her own, bringing her knuckles up to brush against her lips. “You’re beautiful, always, and I love you,” she still blushes at that. “Thank you for telling me.”
The brunette shrugs like it was no big deal. “I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t know how. I think at first, I didn’t want to admit I cared, then I didn’t want to admit it was a problem. But, you notice everything about me, don’t you?”
“Well, when the subject is this pretty…”
She snorts, pushing Adora away as she giggles. “Goddess, you cheeseball. Get away from me.”
She simply leans in more, finding her lips in a doting kiss.