Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was a bright and sunny day in the town of Kashinobushi. The sun shone onto the heating tarmac, as teenagers ran wild and little kids rode their bikes with their parents watching over them.

In a certain supermarket, there were two students.

Ultimate Moral Compass Kiyotaka Ishimaru was one of them. He is a first year in class 78, from the prestigious school Hope's Peak Academy for Ultimate-level-talented students.

The second student is Ultimate Maid Kirumi Tojo. She is a first year in class 79, also a member of the school Hope's Peak Academy, as she was given the title of 'Ultimate Maid', just as Kiyotaka is the 'Ultimate Moral Compass'.

The two of them seemed to be shopping for things to bring back to the academy. Ah, that seems in-character for the two of them. Always doing their best to help others.

Their paths eventually crossed, as they accidentally bumped into each other whilst walking. Kirumi took a step back, bowing briefly. "Ah, my sincerest apologies, Ishimaru-kun."

"No worries at all, Tojo-san!" Kiyotaka responded, in his booming voice. As his eyes surfed over the many items of food, his eyes caught onto something in the shopping back Kirumi held. "Oh, I see you have some spinach there."

"Oh, right." Kirumi smiled, bringing it out of her bag to show him before putting it back in the bag. "I tend to use it in drinks for some of the athletic students, and myself also. They are very healthy." She tilted her head. "I am always looking for something to make our lives healthier. I only eat all natural, whole-grains, nothing processed, plant-based food." From the way Kirumi was speaking, it almost sounded like... bragging?

Kiyotaka raised a brow slightly, smiling along with her. "Oh, yeah, I completely get what you mean! Me too, actually, I take pride in it." Kiyotaka shifted to the side, placing a hand on his hip.

"Hm.." Kirumi was about to look away, before noticing something in Kiyotaka's bag. "Ah, what are you buying?" She enquired.

"Oh, you mean THIS?" Kiyotaka abruptly snatched some kale out of his back, staring at Kirumi. "Ah, yes, it's kale. It is a LOT better for you than spinach, you know!" He grinned from ear-to-ear. "Only thing is, it doesn't taste anywhere near as good." Kiyotaka patted Kirumi's arm a little. "So I can see why you couldn't handle it."

Kirumi tilted her head to the side once again, eyes narrowing for a moment, before returning to a neutral expression and stance. "Aha, I could handle it." She nodded. "Ah, actually I bet you have never tried this." Kirumi suddenly brought out a bottle of some kind of green juice. "This is called peel-pit-seed juice." She said, almost too non-chalantly. "It is made only from the peels, pits, and seeds from the fruit because--"

"--Those are the most nutritious part of the fruit, I see!" Kiyotaka shouted, interrupting Kirumi and finishing her sentence. The two of them stared at each other for a few long moments.

Kiyotaka then returned to a 'friendly' grin. "Well, I sure do bet you've never had this!" He then pulled something out of his bag once again. It seemed to be something rectangular, in some wrapping. "It's dark chocolate that is so dark, it's made from ten percent cacao--"

Kirumi huffed out an unimpressed laugh. "That is a terrible percentage, Ishimaru-kun." She said slowly.

Kiyotaka raised a brow, finishing his sentence. "--And ninety percent the dirt the beans were grown in."

"You twisted criminal." Kirumi said sharply, glaring at Kiyotaka, the two of them gradually getting more and more competitive.

Kiyotaka nodded, seeming to pretend to ignore what she just said. He held up the 'dark chocolate' once again. "It's so bitter that your taste-buds physically reject it! I eat a square every night after dinner even though my body's natural response is to regurgitate and burn it." Kiyotaka grinned, standing up straight as he looked at Kirumi.

"..." Kirumi's eyes narrowed. She had a stare-off with Kiyotaka for a few seconds, before taking a deep breath. "Well, have you tried tree bark milk? I pour it on everything I eat, even though it tastes like shame feels." She leaned in, speaking darkly.

"Okay." Kiyotaka nodded, eyebrows edging downwards into a competitive frown, as he backed away from Kirumi. "Well sometimes I just go to the periodic table, and I pick an element, and I eat that element! Do you understand me?" Kiyotaka walked forwards, and Kirumi, desperate to not lose to him, challengingly followed. Kiyotaka swiveled around as he noticed the maid following, and crossed his arms. "You can't get more natural than that, bucko!"

"Oh, please." Kirumi scoffed, leaning against a counter across from Kiyotaka, and narrowing her eyes. "When I am so hungry after dinner, I go outside and lick a mountain." She said sharply.

"Hmph!!" Kiyotaka gritted his teeth together, also leaning forward, as if accepting her challenge. "Well sometimes, I just eat live worms straight from the ground -- the live part is crucial!" He pointed a finger at Kirumi. "Because their souls prevent aging!"

Kirumi raised a brow, standing up straight, and smiling. "Well, fear helps you metabolize faster, so I drink all my protein shakes in a pit full of snakes." She tilted her head, returning to staring at him.

"Aha!" Kiyotaka forced a hearty laugh, placing his hands on his hips. "That is why I do lunges in graveyards!" He cleared his throat, changing the topic. "Do you ever eat fish for the Omega-3's?"

Kirumi squinted at Kiyotaka. "Of course, I drink eight glasses of fish oil a day." She said slowly.

Kiyotaka's stare began to morph into a glare, as he began to tug on his sleeve. "Well, I just cut out the middle-man and hook the fish right up to my veins!" He brought his sleeve up, revealing a fish strapped and hooked to his arm. Kirumi gasped, standing straighter as she looked down at the fish. Kiyotaka then tugged his sleeve back down.

Kirumi took a deep breath, glaring at Kiyotaka. "I eat meat from depressed bears because their psychological issues are great for your skin!" She snapped.

Kiyotaka shook his head, gasping. "I catch birds in my jaws in mid-flight!"

"I eat rocks from woodlands streams!" Kirumi dropped her shopping bag to the floor, stepping forward to get closer and more challenging.

"I eat barnacles off of expensive boats!" Kiyotaka's volcanic-red eyes widened, his thick jet-black eyebrows edging downwards as he too dropped his back and took a step forward.

"I EAT THE SOUTH-EASTERN WIND!" Kirumi yelled, making a motion to show the wind coming towards them.

"I SWALLOW METEORITES AS THEY FALL FROM THE SKY!" Kiyotaka yelled back, his voice echoing through the store.

The two of them gasped and stared at each other incredulously, before suddenly leaning in and aggressively kissing each other. They both wrapped their arms around each other, kissing passionately.

Kaede Akamatsu, Ultimate Pianist, stood a small distance away from them. She had come with Kirumi, and had to witness the whole ordeal.

"..." Kaede sighed, beginning to walk away, avoiding looking at the sight of the two aggressively-kissing teenagers.

"...This is why I hate shopping at whole-foods."