Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The thing is, Draco has never actually questioned his father’s thoughts before. 

Sure, here and there he’s had doubts, but it was usually almost instantly smoothed over by a following comment made by Lucius. After all, he’s Draco’s father! Why would Draco ever question such an incredible figure in his perfect, amazing life? 

So, Draco never questioned it. Until one day he did. 

It was just a passing thought. Draco wouldn’t say he shouldn’t have dwelled on it, because Draco doesn’t do anything wrong since he’s perfect, so he doesn’t really regret it. Seeing his father angry was kinda scary though. 

“Father, I have an inquiry,” Draco said pompously, approaching Lucius’s desk in his study. “Why is it that Mudbloods are so looked down upon in our magical realm?” 

Lucius looked up, a flicker of shock and anger drifting across his face before he schooled it behind a mask. “That’s a rather interesting question to ask Draco. Are you having…doubts?” 

Draco’s jaw almost dropped. As if! Why would someone as perfect as him ever have… doubts?

“Of course not, father! The inquiry simply crossed my mind, and I was rather curious,” Draco said, offended at the very prospect. Lucius looked slightly less upset, but the irritation still remained on his face. 

“Very well. It’s because those pathetic creatures have been stealing our magic for centuries. Magic is a gift passed down by blood. Mudbloods perform a ritual to steal it,” Lucius said matter-of-factly as if it’s something that’s been drilled into his head since he was a kid. Draco realized rather quickly that it probably was. 

Well, that didn’t matter anyway! Those damn Mudbloods shouldn’t be stealing our magic! After all, we’re simply sparing them by staying hidden, and they dare do this to us? How dare those Muggles– 

Wait. 

“Father,” Draco said, a questioning tone to his voice. “Don’t magical tendencies develop in Mudbloods and Purebloods when they are children?” 

Lucius nodded but looked rather confused. “Yes?” 

Draco’s eyes widened. “Are you telling me… babies are stealing our magic?!?!” 

Lucius’s expression immediately changed to one of shock and minor disgust. “What?! What nonsense are you spouting, Draco?! No! That’s impossible!” 

Draco’s shock immediately faded away, only to be replaced by confusion. “Wait. But you said they perform a ritual–” 

“Draco! You shouldn’t be doubting–” 

“Babies are stealing our magic, Father! Babies!–” 

“Get out!” 

–

Okay so his father wasn’t very happy with him. But the conversation provided Draco with much-needed insight, no matter how devastating it was. 

Draco unfortunately had come to the conclusion that…

His father was wrong!

Babies couldn’t be stealing their magic! They couldn’t be! It simply wasn’t possible. And if they were, how!? It wouldn’t make sense! Draco’s mind was rushing with questions. How could he satiate his curiosity?

Then it hit him like a Firebolt flying full speed. 

Visiting the Muggle world! 

Father wouldn’t permit it, but he wouldn’t have to know! Draco had ultimately come to the conclusion that Muggles weren’t actually stealing their magic, he had to see why they actually hated them! And visiting the Muggle world would help him confirm that it was true that babies weren’t stealing their magic!

Draco was such a genius. It was also still Christmas break, and he had all the time in the world! 

Now…how does he get to Muggle London again? 

–

Apparently, there’s a Muggle train he can access via Diagon Alley. Of course, the Muggle world was so easy to access. Draco had stopped by Gringotts to get some spare change converted into Muggle money. After all, he couldn’t waste too much on pathetic Muggle money! Apparently, Draco had 100,000 “pounds”. Draco thought naming a currency after weight was rather odd, but still, his father didn’t even suspect anything! 

When Draco sat on this thing called a “subway” he found that it was quite similar to the train that led to Hogwarts, but a lot worse. Why didn’t he get his own compartment? He wanted to have words with the conductor! 

Draco was quite glad when the subway was over, and when Draco entered Muggle London, he honestly wasn’t expecting much. 

Oh was he sorely wrong. (Which wasn’t an occurrence that happened often. Draco was always right.)

First of all, what the bloody buggering fuck were “cars”? The little beasts were everywhere! They were loud like a train whistle if it was compressed into one second of noise! Draco panicked and immediately ran across the road, only to be train-whistled at more! When he asked a random Muggle on the street what that god-awful noise was, the Muggle had the audacity to look at him weirdly? 

“The cars are…honking at you? Are you on crack, kid?” 

Draco’s jaw almost dropped at this pathetic Muggle’s behavior. “How dare you? What even is this ‘crack’ you are yammering about?” 

The Muggle simply looked at him weirdly and left. Honestly, how could the Muggles act so appalling? Especially when a Pureblood, incredible wizard such as Draco blessed them with his presence? Draco simply rolled his eyes and continued to walk where the rest of the Muggles were. He soon found out it was called a sidewalk. Better to blend in, after all. 

Soon, the next stop for Draco came. The first thing that caught his attention was the large glowing sign that read “Apple.” Draco was confused at first because, well,  wasn’t the glowing breaking the statute of secrecy? But Draco soon picked up on it– Muggles had somehow done the glowing themselves! It was rather shocking– the way his father described Muggles, they could barely comprehend the concept of candles! Honestly, if Draco dared to think it…the wizards were behind! 

Draco had proceeded to enter this “Apple” store and found out it was a store for these odd rectangle-shaped things called “phones.” The worker had looked at Draco extremely condescendingly as he explained what a phone was. He seemed to give up once Draco asked what a “charger” was, and handed him a paper manual. 

Well, time to get reading Draco supposed. 

Thirty minutes later, Draco was the expert on phones. He bought one for himself and immediately went to the app store, downloading the first few apps he saw. 

Oh well. He’d discover what “Wattpad”, “Twitter”, and “TikTok” were later! Time to explore more now! 

–

Draco had finally come across something that was familiar. A library! 

Draco found that despite a few differences here and there, wizarding and Muggle libraries were rather similar. It seemed the main point of them was just to contain books. However, he had come across something interesting. Computers! 

The computers were mentioned in the manual he had read in the Apple store, but he hadn’t seen any outside of their compact laptop versions. When Draco opened it and found out what Google was? 

Well, let’s just say if he wasn’t convinced wizards were behind then, he was convinced now. 

He could search for anything. Anything! 

(...except for certain things. When he tried looking up a potions ingredients directory, some random fantasy thing showed up. Blasted Muggles.) 

Draco proceeded to spend the next hour researching how to use computers and phones. Apparently, there was something called “social media” and that was what those three apps he had downloaded earlier were! 

By the time Draco had finished researching, it was approaching sunset. He headed back to the Manor with a lot to think about. Draco found himself rather curious with the Muggle world and decided to put a simple electricity conduct charm on the phone he bought so it would work in the Manor and Hogwarts. After all, through the phone, he could take a closer look at the apps he downloaded and find more out about the Muggle world! 

For now, though, he had to worry about going back to Hogwarts tomorrow. Ugh. 

–

Draco was immensely grateful that the day for returning to Hogwarts was on a Saturday. It gave him a full two days to explore his new phone! He was also rather glad that he could leave for the Manor during weekends– it gave him an open opportunity to go back to Muggle London. 

Draco was currently huddled in his dormitory on the device, currently making an “email.” Apparently, he needed one to sign up for the apps? Muggle devices were weird, he decided. 

The first app he decided to try was “Twitter”. 

He found that it was rather interesting after going through the tutorial. You could message people with other phones and they’d get it instantly! How did the wizarding world not have something like that? He could even customize his profile! He quickly set his “PFP” to a spectacular photo of himself.  

Draco decided to scroll on his timeline for a while and quickly decided people were stupid. Especially this one person decided it would be a splendid idea to tweet “Eat the rich.” Draco hadn’t had the faintest idea why anyone would want to physically consume a wealthy person. Draco just wouldn’t stand for it! Furiously, he “Quote Retweeted” and typed out his first tweet. (He would never admit it took him ten minutes to do so with the keyboard.)

@malfoyheir

In what universe would you ever want to physically consume a wealthy person? Are you mental? Just because you’re jealous and poor, doesn’t mean you have to “tweet” frankly ridiculous things about people superior to you. You Muggles are insane.

There! Tweet sent. Draco would soon open the app to people agreeing with him! 

For now, he put his phone to the side and slept. 

–

Sometimes, the stupidity of the wizarding world was a bit baffling to Hermione. 

Like Muggle devices. She knows the Hogwarts staff thinks it’s impossible to bring them in the castle, but all it took was a simple electricity conduct charm that you had to re-apply once in a while and you were still able to use them. 

It’s how she found herself doing what she is right now– scrolling on her timeline. 

“Hermione, please let me!” Harry whined from beside him, and Hermione rolled her eyes. 

“It’s not my fault you haven’t completed your charms essay yet. Finish that first, then I’ll let you use my phone. For Merlin’s sake, you’re worse than my father on football days…” 

Harry sighed and mumbled something before Hermione heard the scratching of quill. Thank god. Hermione resumed scrolling, mindlessly reading the somewhat interesting tweets and– 

“What the fuck?!?” Hermione screeched, pure shock evident on her face. Harry immediately jumped, looking at her with an affronted expression. 

“What? Why’re you yelling?” 

Hermione didn’t respond for a moment, just gaping at her phone. Harry grunted frustratedly. “Earth to Hermione?” 

Hermione’s eyes flicked to his for a moment before she tentatively tilted her phone screen toward Harry. Harry’s jaw dropped. 

@malfoyheir

In what universe would you ever want to physically consume a wealthy person? Are you mental? Just because you’re jealous and poor, doesn’t mean you have to “tweet” frankly ridiculous things about people superior to you. You Muggles are insane.

“Is that…no. There’s no way. It’s a coincidence.” 

Hermione sighed, looking at her phone with a betrayed expression. “Harry…’malfoyheir’? And it uses the word ‘Muggles’?” 

“But how! How would Draco fucking Malfoy be on Twitter ?!” 

Hermione looked pensive for a moment before her face lit up. “Oh! It must be one of our Muggle-born classmates making a parody account for the fun of it!” 

Instant relief overtook Harry’s expression, and he let out a sigh. “Oh, thank god. I got worried there for a second. I don’t even want to imagine what it would be like if Malfoy was on Twitter.” 

Hermione giggled. “I second that. But whoever made this parody is probably suffering. This tweet comment to like ratio is deadly.”

Harry laughed, then turned back and continued to work on his Charms essay, unbothered, but Hermione was thinking. It made perfect sense that it was a parody account, right?

So why did she feel a sense of dread? 

–

When Draco woke up, he was absolutely unsurprised to find out that thousands of people were responding to his tweet. He was, after all, the Malfoy heir– who wouldn’t want to respond to his incredible tweet?

What he was surprised about though, was the amount of people disagreeing with him! How dare they! And the worst part is, he didn’t even understand half of this Muggle slang and the language they used was simply appalling! 

Draco wouldn’t stand for this! He immediately started replying to comments, even though he didn’t understand half of the language these Muggles were using. 

@malfoyheir

In what universe would you ever want to physically consume a wealthy person? Are you mental? Just because you’re jealous and poor, doesn’t mean you have to “tweet” frankly ridiculous things about people superior to you. You Muggles are insane.

                   @yourmomslefttoe

                   | literally what are you yapping about ☠️

                                     @malfoyheir

                                     I do not know what you mean by “yapping.” Next time, use appropriate language to communicate with others. This is why people like you are looked down upon. Silly Muggles!

                    @user29409380958

                    | what the fuck is a muggle

                                     @malfoyheir 

                                      Wouldn’t you know?! Dunderheads, the lot of you. 

                   @jkisk47

                   | are you stupid 

                                     @malfoyheir

                                     No, I am not.

                                     @artoholic 

                                     if he actually set his pfp as his face then hes stupid asf 😭

                                                       @probablynotawake

                                                       Is it just me or is he kinda fine. 

                                                                         @malfoyheir

                                                                         Why thank you, user “probablynotawake”! It seems at least few of you have sense.

                                                       @usernothereee09

                                                       nah i see it too

                   @iwillnotdoxyou76

                   | bro really put quotes around tweet 💀

                                     @malfoyheir

                                     Of course, I would. It is the proper way to refer to a “tweet.” Merlin knows why you are typing so oddly, with weird images of skulls and improper grammar and capitalization.

Unfortunately, there were far too many replies. Draco just sighed and turned off his phone. Stupid Muggles! 

It’s fine , Draco reassured himself as he hopped out of bed to follow his usual morning routine for Monday. The Muggles simply couldn’t process how amazing he was, and naturally, they ganged up on him. He understood. After all, he was just amazing! 

Until the next time Draco entered the Muggle world. For now, he will grace his incredible presence in the castle of Hogwarts.

Chapter Text

Draco knew he was an incredible, handsome, great, incredible, incredible, incredible, awesome individual, but the stares he was getting were still confusing him. 

Even more confusing was that they were from the Golden Trio. 

Well, not really. It was more Granger and Potter. Weasley was oblivious as always, stuffing his face every meal and looking clueless whenever any professor asked him a question. It definitely wasn’t him Draco was worried about.

But Granger and Potter were shooting him looks. They weren’t malice-filled, more contemplative, as if they were trying to figure something out. Draco caught them muttering to one another rather often. 

It made him wonder if Granger maybe had a social media account. Did she see his tweet? No, probably not. That was way too far-fetched. He couldn’t actually hear what they were talking about– but even in Care of Magical Creatures, the class where they were always distracted by that oaf, Hagrid, they stared at him! Draco knew he was attractive, but still!

Draco decided to just try and focus anyway. It was lunch and he had Defence next. He needed energy to deal with all the Gryffindorks showing off– not like their new also-Gryffindor Defence professor was helping! Though Draco will admit, despite the man having very shabby robes, he was at least somewhat competent when it came to teaching. Definitely more competent than that imbecile Lockhart! Clearly, Draco was the better blonde.

Draco sighed, glancing at the clock and seeing that he had twelve minutes until his DADA class. That was enough time to go back to the dorms! He quickly excused himself from his table and dashed toward the dorms. 

Ever since his tweet, he hadn’t really been on social media that much. He’d found out the terminology as for what had apparently happened to him– his tweet had gone “viral” and he had gotten “canceled”. Draco thought this was rather stupid. 

Draco was suddenly hit with a rather genius idea. He couldn’t have been the first ever wizard to be on Twitter, right? He could try looking for other people he might recognize instead of nameless, faceless, boring, Muggles! 

Draco rushed up to his dorm, immediately making a beeline to the device and clicking it open. He clicked on Twitter and opened the search bar. 

Who should he look up first? Surely, someone like Professor Snape wouldn’t have a Muggle thing like this. Maybe Professor McGonagall? Draco tried her full name but was met with no luck. Dumbledore, perhaps? Draco tried that too but didn’t see anything. He was beginning to lose hope now. Draco sighed, half-heartedly typing in Professor Lupin’s name as a last resort. 

He almost fell off his chair when a result actually showed up. 

Draco stared at the profile, almost doubting it was him as he tentatively clicked on it. The profile had a display name of “moony” which was rather odd. He clicked on the profile’s following, and it was confirmed. This was without a doubt his professor– the account was following several people, but he was able to pick out the names “Sirius Black”, “James Potter”, and “Lily Evans” there. For Merlin’s sake, Potter’s parents, even! This was mental! The accounts seemed long abandoned, but still there. 

Draco’s curiosity got the best of him, and he started scrolling through the profile's most recent tweets– which, admittedly, were very long ago. Draco saw that most of his tweets were replies. 

padfoot

@siriusblack4

do you think a whale animagus exists out there? like imagine going through all that and being a whale

             moony

             @remusjlupin

             | do your fucking charms essay

                         padfoot

                         @siriusblack4 

                         can i do you instead 

                                     mary

                                     @marymacdonald

                                     this is a public app please stop

Draco could do nothing but gape at the replies in front of him. He knew his teachers were once teenagers, but this was mental! Even his generation didn’t act like this! Well, most of the time. He scrolled again– and found another one of his professor’s replies. 

prongs

@jamesfleamontpotter 

Tbh i think she wants me 

             Lily Evans

             @lilyevans 

             | I don't 

             moony 

             @remusjlupin 

             | she might not 

Draco’s eyebrows rose. Wasn’t this Potter’s parents? Did he know his parents had these accounts? Draco scrolled again, and this time was met with an image.

padfoot

@siriusblack4  

w rizz? (moony didn’t respond for some reason)

             prongs

             @jamesfleamontpotter  

             | totally pads! 

             moony 

             @remusjlupin 

             | this is why you’ve been banned from twitter 4 times

Draco’s eyebrows simply rose higher. What in Merlin’s name above was “rizz”? Draco continued scrolling, and he only got more shocked when he saw a video. 

It was undoubtedly a younger version of his professor on the thumbnail– the video seemed to have been posted on Sirius Black's account. Tentatively, he clicked play. 

* The camera pans to a young Sirius Black’s grinning face. The background shows the Black Lake. 

“Guys this is part seventy-two of Prongs confessing to Evans! I think it’s going to work this time. What do you have to say, Moons?” 

The camera pans to a young Remus Lupin, who is sitting under a tree, quill on parchment. He looks up at the camera with an unamused look. 

“Can you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to do my potions essay.” 

Sirius Black huffs from behind the camera. 

“Why don’t you do me instead–” 

“Padfoot, shut up.” 

“Whatever you want, darling–” 

“Shut up.” 

Sirius barks out a laugh from behind the camera. A young James Potter runs into the camera, a beaming smile on his face. 

“Guys! Guys– oh, did I interrupt some flirting or something-?” 

“Yes–” 

“No.” 

James grins, nudging Remus, who stares up at him with a deadpan look. James walks closer to the camera with a proud look on his face. 

“It’s going to work this time! I have a perfect plan to woo her!”

“Oh? And what is that plan?” 

“You’ll see! Look, look, she’s over there.” 

James points to a spot off-camera. The camera pans to the Black Lake, and zooms in on a young Lily Evans. James’s voice rings from off-screen. 

“Watch this!” 

James walks on camera and toward Lily. 

“Oi! Evans!”

Remus groans from behind the camera. Sirius mutters to Remus off-camera with a mischievous tone.

“Save the groaning for when we’re in bed, darling.” 

A few seconds later, Sirius shouts from off-screen, and the camera shakes and goes blurry, falling into the grass and black-screening. A moment later, it’s picked up by Remus, who is blushing and has a frustrated expression on his face. 

“Since this absolute idiot–” 

The camera pans to Sirius, who is cradling his hand and grinning. 

“Cannot film–” 

The camera pans to Lily and James. 

“I will.” 

“- alone, Potter,” Lily finishes, now audible. James grins, a flirtatious expression on his face. 

“Why dance alone, when you can dance with me?” 

Lily stares at James for a moment with a frustrated expression. A mocking smile appears on her face a second later.

“Why don’t you dance alone instead, Potter?” 

James’s flirtatious expression falls into a confused one. Lily raises her wand. James’s eyes widen in fear. 

“Wait–” 

“Aeternum Chorus!” 

James shouts in shock as he starts performing an intricate break dance, seemingly against his will. Lily smiles at him sarcastically before walking away. 

“Evans, wait! Oh, bugger–” 

Sirius starts manically laughing from off-screen, while Remus chortles lightly. The camera flips and shows Remus, Sirius slightly behind him. 

“As expected, it didn’t work–” 

Sirius makes an offended noise. 

“Expected? Have some faith in Prongs, Moony.” 

Remus rolls his eyes. 

“Alright, fine. It may work. In part seventy-three.” 

Sirius grins. 

“That’s the spirit.” 

James’s voice rings from off-screen. 

“Guys, it didn’t work.” 

James walks on screen. Remus sighs, speaking with a dry tone.

“Really? I thought it did, Prongs. I couldn’t tell by the fact you got hexed into acting like a bloody lunatic.” 

James looks offended for a moment before a dreamy look overtakes his face. 

“It’s worth it for her.” 

Sirius barks out a laugh, moving forward and grabbing the camera from Remus’s grip. 

“There you have it, folks! Part seventy-two! Almost a success!”

Sirius slings an arm around Remus’s shoulder. Remus starts blushing faintly. 

“Featuring me and Moons!” 

The camera pans to James. 

“Okay, say bye, Prongsy!” 

“Bye!” 

The camera pans back to Remus and Sirius. 

“Until part seventy-three!” 

The video cuts to black.*

Draco’s jaw had been on the floor for a while, processing what he had just seen. His jaw only dropped further when he saw the replies on the video. 

Lily Evans 

@lilyevans

| part 73 will not work 

             prongs

             @jamesfleamontpotter 

             That's what you think, darling

                         Lily Evans

                         @lilyevans

                         Shut the fuck up

First of all, what was the odd flirting between Sirius Black and his professor? Did they used to be a…thing? No, that wasn’t possible. Too far-fetched! But why were Potter’s parents not together? Why did his mother seem to not even be giving Potter’s father the time of day? So many things didn’t add up!

Draco sighed. He supposed the past was different than he thought. Grudgingly, he admitted…he maybe was wrong about the past. Or maybe… 

Maybe it wasn’t real! Draco had read about something called “AI”, which could make fake things! Maybe this video was AI-made, and was posted on Sirius Black’s account as a joke! Yeah! That’d make more sense than him being wrong. Draco was never wrong. 

Well, there was only one way to find out! Asking Professor Lupin, of course! 

Rather conveniently timed, Draco noticed that he had five minutes until his next lesson. Perfect! 

Draco pocketed his phone and quickly dashed to his next class. Time to show Professor Lupin the video he found and prove that he was right all along! 

Across the Hogwarts castle, Remus shudders. What was that sense of dread he just got? 

–

Remus watched as his third-year Gryffindor-Slytherin class walked in, the dread from before forgotten. Actually, Remus was quite excited for this lesson– grindylows were, after all, quite interesting. His other third-year class was quite fascinated by them– and his second-year class couldn’t wait to start on them. 

Remus glanced at the time and back at his class, frowning slightly at the empty seat on the Slytherin side. Wasn’t the Malfoy boy here today? Remus opened his mouth, about to ask one of his Slytherins– 

Malfoy came barrelling in, visibly exhausted from running. Immediately, his gaze flicked to Remus, curiosity written on his face. 

“Mr. Malfoy,” Remus greeted and motioned to his seat. “Please have a seat.” 

Malfoy looked as if he didn’t even hear him, immediately walking up to him with a pompous strut. 

“Professor,” Malfoy started, surprisingly polite. “I have an inquiry, you see.” 

Remus blinked. Whispers emitted from the class. 

“About the lesson today?” Remus prompted. “Whatever it is, I’m happy to answer it as your professor.” 

Malfoy’s eyes brightened. “I found an AI-generated video of you!” he exclaimed. 

“WHAT–!” Harry was promptly cut off by Hermione slapping her hand over his mouth. Remus was supremely confused, and most of all, shocked– how did the Malfoy boy know of AI-generated things? That was Muggle!

“I’m sorry, I’m not too sure I understand, Mr. Malfoy,” he said, mind racking for anything AI-generated related to him, as well as how on earth Malfoy would know about it. “I don’t recall seeing anything of the sort.” 

Malfoy looked a bit frustrated at this, pouting slightly and looking thoughtful. 

“If you would like, I can discuss this with you after class–” 

“No! It’s really important, Professor,” Malfoy insisted and promptly pulled out a device Remus thought he would never see again, let alone in a Malfoy’s hand. From the corner of Remus’s eye, he could see the Muggle-raised Gryffindors of the class looking gobsmacked. 

“Look!” Malfoy exclaimed, with about the last thing Remus wanted to see pulled up on his device. His panic only about tripled when he remembered his projector was very much on and would project that damn video to the entire class if Malfoy clicked play. 

“Ah– wait, Mr. Malfoy, please don’t click play on that– it’ll connect to my projector–” 

“Guys this is part seventy-two of Prongs confessing to Evans! I think it’s going to work this time. What do you have to say, Moons?” 

Well fuck.

Chapter Text

When Harry woke up today, he certainly did not expect this. Or anything even remotely close to this. 

As the video started to play on the projector, he could literally sense the will to exist leave his professor’s body. Professor Lupin sighed, slumping into the chair behind his desk and putting his head in his hands. 

“For Merlin’s sake–” 

“Can you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to do my potions essay.” 

Harry heard Hermione let out a choked sound of shock next to him. “That’s a younger you, professor!” 

Professor Lupin didn’t respond. Harry thinks he was way too mortified to. 

“Why don’t you do me instead–” 

“Padfoot, shut up.” 

Harry gaped at the screen. Was that… 

“SIRIUS BLACK??!?” someone called from the room. 

“Are they…?” someone said cautiously. Harry’s jaw dropped further. There was no way. It had to be a joke. 

“Whatever you want, darling–” 

“Shut up.” 

Darling?!? So much didn’t make sense. Before he could say anything, Harry felt his heart drop when his father came into the frame. His father. Merlin, Harry really did look so much like him. 

“Harry…it’s your dad,” Hermione said softly, eyes glistening with disbelief. 

“Guys! Guys– oh, did I interrupt some flirting or something-?” 

The entire class went quiet. 

Harry gaped. “What. The–”

“FLIRTING?!?!” Ron cried, eyes bulging. “FLIRTI–” 

“It’s going to work this time! I have a perfect plan to woo her!”

“Woo who?” a boy said from behind Harry. “Everyone knows Potter and his parents were in love–”

“Oh? And what is that plan?” 

“You’ll see! Look, look, she’s over there.” 

Harry’s breath caught as the camera panned to his mother. The feeling was quickly overridden by confusion, however. 

“Why would my dad need to woo my mom though? Weren’t they together?” 

“Er,” Professor Lupin started, speaking up for the first time since the video started. “Honestly, it was far from love at first sight–” 

“Oi! Evans!”

“Evans?” someone muttered in confusion from behind them. 

Remus groans from behind the camera. Sirius mutters to Remus off-camera with a mischievous tone.

“Save the groaning for when we’re in bed, darling.” 

“Okay, seriously, what?!” a Slytherin yelled from the other side of the classroom. “Why are they flirting? Why is Sirius fucking Black flirting with you, professor?!?” 

Professor Lupin didn’t respond, just sighed, looking as if he had just accepted his fate. 

A few seconds later, Sirius shouts from off-screen, and the camera shakes and goes blurry, falling into the grass and black-screening. A moment later, it’s picked up by Remus, who is blushing and has a frustrated expression on his face. 

“Since this absolute idiot–” 

The camera pans to Sirius, who is cradling his hand and grinning. 

“Cannot film–” 

The camera pans to Lily and James. 

“I will.” 

“- alone, Potter,” Lily finishes, now audible. James grins, a flirtatious expression on his face. 

“Why dance alone, when you can dance with me?”

“I don’t understand!” Ron wails from beside Harry. “Harry, why aren’t your parents in love? Why does your mom keep dismissing your dad’s flirting!” 

Harry bristled. “How the actual fuck am I supposed to know? They died before I could fucking ask them!” 

Ron’s eyes bulged in surprise and Harry huffed. 

“Why dance alone, when you can dance with me?” 

Lily stares at James for a moment with a frustrated expression. A mocking smile appears on her face a second later.

“Why don’t you dance alone instead, Potter?” 

James’s flirtatious expression falls into a confused one. Lily raises her wand. James’s eyes widen in fear. 

“My mom is hexing my dad…this is mental,” Harry said, completely in awe. Hermione nodded in agreement, staring at the projector with wide eyes. 

“And this confirms that Draco Malfoy has Twitter…” 

“Fuck. I forgot about that.” 

“Wait–” 

“Aeternum Chorus!” 

James shouts in shock as he starts performing an intricate break dance, seemingly against his will. Lily smiles at him sarcastically before walking away. 

“Evans, wait! Oh, bugger–” 

A few laughs echoed across the room, but Harry was too shocked to do anything. 

“My mom seriously wasn’t interested in my dad at all…” 

Sirius starts manically laughing from off-screen, while Remus chortles lightly. The camera flips and shows Remus, Sirius slightly behind him. 

“As expected, it didn’t work–” 

Sirius makes an offended noise. 

“Expected? Have some faith in Prongs, Moony.” 

Remus rolls his eyes. 

“Alright, fine. It may work. In part seventy-three.” 

“I thought part seventy-two was a joke!” Ron exclaimed, staring at the screen, jaw dropped in shock. 

Sirius grins. 

“That’s the spirit.” 

James’s voice rings from off-screen. 

“Guys, it didn’t work.” 

James walks on screen. Remus sighs, speaking with a dry tone.

“Really? I thought it did, Prongs. I couldn’t tell by the fact you got hexed into acting like a bloody lunatic.” 

Harry had to snicker at that. This wasn’t the way he expected his professor to act at all– but he had to admit, it was funny. 

James looks offended for a moment before a dreamy look overtakes his face. 

“It’s worth it for her.” 

“It seems his love was unrequited at this point,” Hermione said, eyes fixed intently on the screen. 

Sirius barks out a laugh, moving forward and grabbing the camera from Remus’s grip. 

“There you have it, folks! Part seventy-two! Almost a success!”

Sirius slings an arm around Remus’s shoulder. Remus starts blushing faintly. 

Hermione’s eyes widened. “There’s no way…” she said so quietly that only Harry could hear. 

“Featuring me and Moons!” 

The camera pans to James. 

“Okay, say bye, Prongsy!” 

“Bye!” 

The camera pans back to Remus and Sirius. 

“Until part seventy-three!” 

The video cuts to black.

Harry blinked. A rather awkward silence fell over the entire class . 

“Okay that was kinda crazy and all, but Professor, can you explain what the actual fuck we just saw?” piped up a random student. 

Professor Lupin sighed. 

–

Professor Lupin did not, in fact, explain what the fuck they had just seen. He kicked out everyone in the class but didn’t bother scolding Harry when he stayed. It seemed he knew that Harry wouldn’t budge, because you best bet Harry was getting his questions answered. 

“So,” Harry started with a raised eyebrow, looking up at his professor. “What the actual bloody hell was that?”

“Harry,” Professor Lupin started, looking very much like he wanted to jump out of the nearest window. “What you have to understand about me, Sirius Black and your father is that…we were friends in Hogwarts, along with Peter Pettigrew. Much like you, Ms. Granger, and Mr. Weasley.” 

Harry hummed in acknowledgment. “Yeah, I picked that up. Why did my mom and dad not get along though? And why was Sirius Black flirting with you?” 

Professor Lupin sighed, flushing. “A lot of it was just, uh, jokes! And at the time, your father was a bit…immature. Your mom didn’t like him at all, but he was absolutely taken with her.” 

“Then…how did they end up married?” 

“Well,” Professor Lupin started, a light small gracing his features. “James grew up, to put it simply. He matured– stopped showing off for fun and such.” 

“Oh,” Harry said simply. It was a lot of things to process– he never actually knew too much about his parents. “Thanks for telling me this stuff, Professor.” 

“It’s not a problem, Harry,” Professor Lupin replied kindly. “As someone who knew both Lily and James, I can tell you they were both incredible people.” 

Harry smiled in return, but a question lingered in the back of his mind. “Thank you. But, just one more thing?” 

“Yes?” 

“Does this mean you and my parents had Twitter?” 

Professor Lupin sighed. 

–

Draco was devastated. 

It didn’t take a genius to work out the tragic truth based on Professor Lupin’s reaction. He was wrong! The video wasn’t AI-generated. But at the same time– it didn’t make sense! How could that be…Potter’s parents?! How many things did father lie about in the past?

Draco vowed to himself– he was going to find out. 

But for now? The odd “Tiktok” app was catching his eye. 

–

“Harry.” 

Harry sighed. “Yes, ‘Mione?” 

“This is not good. You know what this means?”  

Harry sighed. “Draco fucking Malfoy has Twitter.”

Hermione sighed, flopping over next to Harry on the common room couch. “Why is he even looking in the Muggle world? I thought he hated Muggles!”

Harry huffed. “He certainly did before Yule break. But now that I think about it, he hasn’t said a single outright blood purist thing since returning.” 

Hermione hummed in acknowledgment, visibly thinking. Suddenly, a thought struck him.

“‘Mione,” he started, eyes widening. “What if Twitter isn’t the only thing he has?” 

Hermione’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh no.” 

Almost immediately, Hermione scrambled for her phone, and Harry instantly peered over her shoulder. “Check Tiktok.” 

They did– they tried everything from “malfoyheir” to “malfoyisthebest” to “dracomalfoy”– literally anything they could think of. 

Harry sighed in relief as Hermione closed the app.

“Phew,” Harry said, and Hermione nodded in agreement. He didn’t even want to know what would happen if Draco Malfoy was on Tiktok. 

“Also, Harry,” Hermione started turning toward him. “I’m like, ninety percent sure your parents and their friends had Twitter.” 

“Oh yeah!” Harry exclaimed, the origin of the video they saw coming back to him. “We should look through them!” 

As Hermione looked up their accounts, Harry was brimming with excitement. Finally, he’d be able to learn more about his parents! 

…

Twenty minutes later, he was absolutely sure Professor Lupin was lying. He and Sirius Black had definitely dated, and the tweet that he had pulled up on the phone was just proof. He was definitely confronting Professor Lupin at some point. 

No but seriously, what was it with his father’s old friend group? And bloody animagus!? 

…and who the hell was Regulus Black?! 

Harry sighed. 

–

Draco had just made a Tiktok account! 

It was a little late, admittedly. It wasn’t like anyone was trying to find him on TikTok anyway, he supposed, so no harm done! 

Draco found that scrolling on Tiktok was rather entertaining. It seemed the Muggles were definitely doing this right. When he first opened the app, he was immediately greeted with an adorable video of a cat. How cute! Draco decided to like the video. He continued scrolling, genuinely enjoying the app, and–

“MY STUDENTS ARE ALL MORONS!” 

Is that–

“Professor Snape!?” Draco exclaimed in shock. 

“MERLIN ABOVE KNOWS WHY THE DUNDERHEADS CANNOT PROCESS SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS!” 

Draco could do nothing but stare in shock as he watched his Potions Professor rant on TikTok. His shock only multiplied when he saw the amount of traction the video had. 

“AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT ONE STUDENT I UNFORTUNATELY CANNOT NAME. I DO NOT KNOW WHY THE BUGGERING BLOODY HELL HE CANNOT–” 

Draco scrolled. 

–

Ignoring that odd video of Professor Snape, Tiktok was fun! But, despite the scrolling to distract Draco, he was still intrigued by the fact that his Professor was on Tiktok. Why was he, of all people, on a bloody Muggle app?

Draco eventually couldn’t stand it– and gave into his curiosity as he looked up his Professor. 

His profile was fairly standard. There wasn’t a bio, his PFP was blank, and his username was simply “ @severussnape ”. 

Draco was surprised to see that he actually had a decent amount of followers– 1,200. He did note, however, that Professor Snape wasn’t actually following anyone. All of his video’s thumbnails were just him– it seemed that Professor Snape was using Tiktok as a means to rant about all of his problems. Honestly, it was kind of funny. 

Draco clicked on the most recent video and immediately was barreled with his Professor screaming at the camera. 

“I AM ABSOLUTELY DONE WITH ALBUS!!! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF VOLDEMORT HIMSELF SAYS TO DO IT, I AM NOT MAKING THAT DAMN POTION EVERY MONTH–” 

Draco quickly paused the video, a very necessary thing unless he had a wish to go deaf. His eyes glanced down to the comments, and he was surprised to see that there were actually a fair amount. However, the one with the most likes was something Draco didn’t understand. 

What in Merlin’s name above did “hear me out” mean? Hear this commenter out on what? 

Draco was very curious. Maybe Professor Snape himself would know! He decided to follow him and click on the icon to message him.

@malfoyheir 

Professor! How lovely to see you on this Muggle “app.” Your videos are quite interesting! However, I am rather confused as to what the commenter on your most recent video meant. What does “hear me out” mean? 

Your student, Draco Malfoy. 

@severussnape  

What the fuck 

@malfoyheir 

Hello, Professor. 

@severussnape 

This is why i dont read my comment section 

@malfoyheir 

What does “hear me out” mean? 

@severussnape 

Stop messaging me or im going to block you 

@malfoyheir 

Ok. 

Unfortunately, that didn’t go the way Malfoy planned for it to. Sigh. 

He supposed he’d just ask Professor Snape, next class! Surely he wouldn’t mind an extra question!

Chapter Text

Draco was glad to get some downtime after classes because there was still one more app left to discover. 

Wattpad! 

When Draco opened the app, it looked rather interesting. It seemed users were able to post works of fiction on their accounts and read other people’s works. Draco was inclined to look up familiar names but decided to explore the site a bit first.  

Draco eventually decided to just click the trending stories. After scrolling a bit, it was apparent that the works were called “fanfiction,” which were fan-made stories of already established ones. How interesting! 

Draco’s eye caught on one story, and the cover looked rather interesting. It was a couple kissing, and the title had “gay smut” in it. 

What in Merlin’s name is smut? And what did it have to do with gay people? Draco questioned, raising an eyebrow at the strange word. Oh well. The cover looked interesting, so the story was bound to be so too!

Time to get reading! 

-

Alright, so Draco’s entire worldview just shifted! He is now looking into how to perform obliviate on himself. 

Seriously, what the fuck ?! Why would someone write anything like that? Draco was very tempted to delete the Wattpad app now, but he was still curious if anyone else had the app. 

He decided to try Potter’s parent's friend group first. After seeing their Twitter, it seemed probable that perhaps they had this app too!

After a few searches, it seemed that Draco was partially right! Sirius Black and James Potter seemed to have the app. More interestingly, James Potter seemed to have a work published! The work was simply titled “Sirius x Remus.” Ah, it seemed to be about his friends! However, Draco was not sure what the “x” represented. 

Draco decided to click on the work, which had five chapters. Draco lifted his thumb, clicking on the first chapter. After scrolling down, he could see that Sirius Black had left a comment and James Potter responded to it. 

Sirius b

This has happened in real life i can confirm 

                   James p

                   Nah but you wish it did 😭

Draco raised an eyebrow. These were odd comments- it made him rather curious about the story. He scrolled to the top, ready to read, then- 

“Low battery!?” Draco exclaimed. Blaise shushed him from the bed over. Draco bristled. He was very curious about this- he wouldn’t let something stupid like battery stop him! It was just text, after all. If only there was a way to copy it down off of the device… 

“Blaise, you’ve read the Muggle Studies textbooks, right?” Draco asked. Blaise hummed in affirmation. 

“Do you know if there is anything that allows text on screens to be transferred to paper?” 

Blaise tutted in thought. “There’s a printer. It’s in the Muggle Studies classrooms.” 

Draco blinked in shock. He didn’t think that there would be an actual thing for transferring text! 

“Thank you, Blaise!” Draco said enthusiastically as he dashed out of his dorm room. 

It took him a while to find the Muggle Studies classroom, and even longer to figure out how to work the printer, but once he did, it seemed fairly simple. All he had to do was press a few buttons, and the story came out on parchment! 

“Wow!” Draco exclaimed, thumbing through the sheets of parchment. The story looked very interesting, despite only being a few pages long. 

Draco decided to make his way back to the Slytherin dorms. Once he entered, Blaise raised an eyebrow at the parchment. 

“I didn’t think you’d actually print something,” he remarked. Draco rolled his eyes. 

“Why else would I have asked? Honestly…” Draco mumbled, putting the sheets of parchment on top of his DADA essay. He picked up the first piece of paper and started reading. 

After a few paragraphs, Draco was… appalled? Confused? What the fuck ? Draco grimaced as he read the particularly horrendous sentence “Sirius couldn’t keep his mind off of Remus’s beautiful golden brown eyes.”

“This is a story about romance between Sirius Black and Professor Lupin…that Potter’s father wrote,” Draco mumbled to himself, completely and utterly done. This was the last thing he would’ve expected. 

A moment later, he yawned. It seemed despite the excitement, he was still rather tired. 

The rest of the story could wait for tomorrow, he supposed. After all, he was still rather curious, despite its… oddities. 

-

The next day he had potions first thing in the morning. The moment he entered the dungeons, Snape looked like he wanted to chug the Doxycide potion in front of him. Oh well! Too bad. 

“Professor Snape!” he exclaimed, and Professor Snape instantly looked agitated. “You should have told me-” 

“Not in front of everyone, idiot boy!” Professor Snape snarled, eyes darting anxiously at the many eyes on them, including the Golden Trio. 

“Why not?” Draco asked, genuinely curious. “Your TikTok account-” 

“WHAT?!” Potter exclaimed, and Granger instantly slapped a hand over his mouth not a second later. Weasley looked completely dumbstruck, and the Muggle-born students looked utterly horrified. Professor Snape went red. 

“I said not in front of everyone, you dunderhead!” he yelled. “Students aren’t supposed to know-”

“I don’t understand, Professor! On one of your TikTok videos, the comment was ‘hear me out,’ and you never explained what it meant-” 

Potter let out a loud laugh, cutting himself off a second later. Snape’s eyes instantly flicked to the Golden Trio, where Granger and Potter seemed to be valiantly holding back laughter. Granger looked at Potter and mouthed “ Hear me out ” with an incredulous expression on her face, and Potter snickered. A vein bulged in Professor Snape’s face.

“POTTER! FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!” 

Potter’s jaw dropped. “I didn’t even do anything!” he protested, but his lips twitched upward. From beside him, Granger snickered, looking down at her phone.

“Harry, look at his TikTok-” 

“NO! PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY AT ONCE, MS. GRANGER!” Professor Snape yelled. Granger, surprisingly enough, raised an eyebrow, grinning. It seemed she viewed this as good enough blackmail to defy a teacher . 

“But this is so interesting, Professor! We should show the entire class-” 

“NO! ALL OF YOU GET OUT!”

“But-” 

“GET OUT!” 

-

Okay so potions didn’t go as well as Draco would have liked. Worse, DADA was coming up again, and if he didn’t hurry up, he’d be late. 

“Hurry up Draco!” Pansy demanded from the door of his dorm room, where Blaise and her were waiting. 

“Hold on!” Draco yelled in response, quickly grabbing his DADA essay off of his desk and shoving it in his bag. The three of them quickly made their way to the DADA classroom with seconds to spare. 

“Ms. Parkinson, Mr. Malfoy, and Mr. Zabini, please remember to turn in your essays,” Professor Lupin said as they entered the classroom. Draco couldn’t help but note that for some odd reason, Potter was glaring daggers at Professor Lupin.  

Draco quickly grabbed the parchment pieces from his bag and put them on the tray, walking to his seat and sitting down. What a close call!

-

After class, he made his way up to the dorm with Blaise, yawning as he flopped onto the bed. They had started on grindylows, which were pesky little things. Draco was quite tired. 

“Uh, Draco?” Blaise asked tentatively. Draco sat up and looked at Blaise. 

“Yes?” 

“Your DADA essay is on the desk,” Blaise said, pointing to the parchment on Draco’s desk. Draco’s eyebrows furrowed, and he got up, walking to his desk.

“What? But I turned it in-” 

But Blaise was right. His essay was on his desk. Which could only mean- 

“Oh Merlin and Morgana both.” 

He turned in the fucking fanfiction.

-

“Professor.” 

Remus instantly recognized Harry’s voice. 

“Harry, what can I-” 

Remus instantly cut himself off at the absolutely furious expression on Harry’s face. Harry huffed in anger. 

“You lied to me!” 

Remus blinked in confusion. “I’m afraid I don’t understand, Harry.” 

Harry pulled out his phone, showing Remus a tweet from James’s account. A photo of him and Sirius. Kissing. 

“Oh,” Remus said faintly, eyes widening. Harry narrowed his eyes. 

“You said you and Sirius Black weren’t a thing! I’m just confused, didn’t he- didn’t he betray-” 

“Harry, it’s not like that, I assure you,” Remus said instantly, already sensing where this was going. “Sirius…well, he wasn’t like that in our Hogwarts days. I lied about it because it’s something I’d rather not reflect on, considering the person he turned out to be.” 

Harry seemed to think for a few moments before sighing. “I..understand, Professor. Sorry.” 

Remus offered him a smile. “It’s alright Harry. Was…was that all?” 

Harry nodded, seeming to remember something. “Oh yeah! Who’s Regulus Black?” 

Remus blinked. “I’m sorry?” 

“Regulus Black,” Harry repeated. He lifted to show his phone screen to Remus again. “Like…his replies on your guys’ posts. Like the one with you and Sirius together, he replied, with, er, this…” 

                   R.A.B

                   @regulusblack

                   | good luck lupin 🙏hope you dont kys from dating my stupid brother

“I…” 

Remus genuinely couldn’t think of a response. Harry seemed to take that as a cue to continue, tilting up his phone screen once again. “There are others, too…”

prongs

@jamesfpotter

I think shes fallen for me tbh

                   R.A.B

                   @regulusblack

                   | nobody asked potter shut the fuck up

padfoot

@siriusblack4

Its hard being this sexy 😮‍💨

                   R.A.B

                   @regulusblack

                   | kill yourself

Remus, stupidly enough, wanted to laugh at the absolutely ridiculous tweets he was seeing right now. Based on Harry’s expression, he seemed to want to as well. 

“Regulus was Sirius’ brother,” Remus explained, not trusting himself to say anything else about that absolute menace. Truthfully, Remus didn’t know if he was glad he was dead or absolutely devastated. Harry seemed to take that as a good enough explanation. 

“Oh, I see,” Harry said, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Alright, sorry for bothering you, Professor.” 

Remus waved his hand dismissively, despite this evening probably being the most draining thing this entire week. “No worries, Harry. Have a good evening.” 

“You too, Professor,” Harry said with a small smile, then left the classroom. Remus sighed, walking over to his desk and slumping onto the chair. Merlin, he was tired. 

Well, all he had to do was grade essays now, which was an overall fine activity. 

At least the rest of the day would be normal. 

-

Scratch that. The rest of the day was not going to be fucking normal. 

The Malfoy boy turned in fanfiction. 

Fucking. Fanfiction. 

Remus genuinely contemplated going to Dumbledore and resigning right now. If he has to deal with shit like this, he’s going to die from stress. He’s already going gray, for fuck’s sake! 

“Too old for this shit,” Remus says, with feeling, as he stared at the oddly familiar and well-detailed fanfiction of him and Sirius. 

Him. And Sirius. 

What the hell was he supposed to even do with this? Grade it? Remus scoffed at the absolutely absurd idea. 

But…well…theoretically… 

“Oh for fucks sake,” Remus grumbled, picking up his red ink and quill. What else is he supposed to do? Might as well grade it, if this is what the boy turned in for his essay. 

“I’m going ‘round the bloody bend,” Remus mumbled to himself, wondering how the actual fuck he got here. 

The fanfiction (the fucking fanfiction ), seemed to start out pretty standard, detailing Sirius and him in their Hogwarts years with… 

“Pinning?” Remus mumbled to himself. He rolled his eyes, crossing out the word and correcting the spelling with “pining.” 

“At least spell it right,” Remus grumbled, skimming through the next paragraph. At the dialogue, Remus wrinkled his nose. 

“‘Remus, I think I’ve fallen for you?’” Remus said aloud, grimacing at the words that Sirius supposedly said in the fanfiction. He crossed out the dialogue. Out of character. Sirius would never say this , he scribbled, wondering what the actual fuck he was doing with his life. 

“If James could see me now,” Remus mumbled, knowing his late friend would be laughing his ass off if he knew he was grading bloody fanfiction. He narrowed his eyes at another sentence. 

“‘Finally, Sirius worked up the courage to kiss Remus’?” Remus exclaimed, scowling at the paper. “What kind of climax is that?!”

Bad climax. Out of character for Sirius, Remus wrote passionately, crossing out the sentence. In fact, when Sirius kissed him for the first time, he actually- 

No , Remus said, cutting off his thoughts. Not thinking about that.

Remus sighed, scanning the next paragraph wearily. His mouth dropped at the next sentence.

“Peter would not say ‘Get a room!’” Remus scowled. Peter would not say this, very out of character, he corrected. The fanfiction only got worse from there. 

“No,” Remus denied hotly at one of his dialogues. “I would not say ‘oh Sirius, you’re so hot,’ whether it’s true or not!” 

Would not say this, Remus scribbled, scowling at the paper. 

Remus thinks he’s going fucking insane. 

“What the hell?!” Remus exclaimed, throwing up his hands in frustration at yet another stupid fucking sentence sentence. “‘And then they shagged?!’ What kind of ending is that!?” 

Out of character in multiple dialogue places , Remus scribbled furiously on the front of the story. Bad ending and a disappointing climax. 

“This is absolutely ridiculous on the Malfoy boy’s part. What a silly story,” Remus sighed after he finished grading, writing an “O+” on the paper. “Need to talk to this kid's bloody parents, about turning in high quality assignments,” he continued to himself as he wrote “good story premise,” on the margins. 

Bloody kids. 

Chapter Text

Hermione was really pissed off right now. 

“Just do it yourself, Harry!” Hermione hissed under her breath, scribbling furiously on her charms essay. “If even I haven’t finished it yet, how do you expect me to-” 

“Please! You’ve finished your first body paragraph-”

“Theory on portrait charms is not hard!” Hermione hissed in return, glaring at her friend. “It’s in chapter four of this years charms textbook-” 

“Hermione, please, I’ll-” 

With a cry of frustration, Hermione leapt up from the common room couch and sprinted to the dorm stairs. Ignoring Harry calling out her name, she sped up the stairs and into her dorm. 

Now, don’t get Hermione wrong. She loves her friends dearly. But right now, after a long day of Ron pestering her, wanting to die in Potions, and getting only an O- on her Transfiguration essay, she’s not having a good day. Nevertheless, she did feel slightly guilty for brushing her friend off. 

If only there were a way to help Harry, but also get revenge on him at the same time…

With a sigh, she flopped onto her bed, making a grab for her phone and clicking it open. Almost instantly, she was bombarded with messages from the Hogwarts students' group chat, which had mostly muggles. She furrowed her brows. It was a fairly active group chat, but this many messages? What happened?

Hermione

Guys, what happened? 

Justin 

HERMIONE

We found the craziest thing thanks to Luna 

Susan

It’s actually mental…

Hermione

Oh wow

@Luna? What happened 

Luna

Found a fanfic pairing two students at Hogwarts 

Hermione

WHAT

OF WHO??

Luna

Draco and Harry

lmao

Hermione

LMAO??? There's no way

Who made that ☠️

Luna

Idk its posted anon on ao3

Hermione

Send the link im curious

Luna

www.archiveofourown.com

Hermione, with trepidation, clicked the link and almost instantly regretted it the moment she read the cringey title of “the bestest love story draco x harry”.  At least it wasn’t rated Explicit. She let out an incredulous laugh, skimming the frankly, absolutely ridiculous fanfiction. Suddenly, as she reached the end of the chapter, an idea struck her.

Portraits. Fanfiction. Portrait charms theory. 

If only there was a way to help Harry, but also get revenge on him at the same time…

Hermione grinned sharply. 

-

Despite it being 6 AM, and despite the fact that Hermione felt like she was on the verge of death from casting spells left right and center, she couldn’t be more excited. 

“Thanks for helping out Luna,” she said earnestly. Luna, who had thankfully decided to help her when she found out about her plan, nodded. 

“No problem, Hermione,” Luna said cheerily, somehow still having energy after basically casting spells all night. “I find this situation quite humorous as well.”

Hermione smiled in response, already preparing herself for the rest of the day. 

Because every time someone faced a portrait, as per charm theory and a little bit of magical casting on Hermione and Luna’s end, they’d start reciting the “drarry” (Luna’s idea) fanfiction. 

Hermione was a genius .

-

“‘Mione, are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine, Harry.” 

Harry sighed, absentmindedly taking a bite out of his porridge. “You look bloody knackered!” 

Hermione shrugged offhandedly. “I was busy working on my essay last night.”

Harry’s brows furrowed. “The transfiguration one on portrait theory? I thought you already did that one!”

Oddly enough, a small knowing smile graced Hermione’s features for a moment. “No, the charms one. I just lost track of time, is all.” 

“You should be more mindful, ‘Mione,” Ron piped up around a mouthful of sausage. “You need to sleep.” 

“And you need to moderate your meat consumption.” 

“WHAT!?” Ron exclaimed, effectively attracting basically half the Gryffindor table's attention. Hermione winced. 

“Tone it down, Ron,” she said tiredly. She yawned a moment later. “I’m tired. The only good part about today is that I can finally turn in all my essays.” 

“Can’t believe you abandoned me to finish that damn portrait theory essay on my own,” Harry said, crossing his arms. “Honestly, I haven’t the faintest clue-”

“Oi, Potter!” 

Harry frowned as he was cut off, turning toward the source of the noise. It was a Ravenclaw, looking strangely amused. 

“Are you behind the portraits, then? Didn’t know your rivalry with Malfoy was like that!” 

The group around the Ravenclaw boy broke out in guffaws. Harry blinked. “What the hell?” he muttered, turning back to the group. “Do you guys know what they're talking about?” 

“They said something about Malfoy,” Ron muttered darkly, staring at the Slytherin table through narrowed eyes. “Maybe he did something to mess with you.” 

“They also could just be joking around,” Hermione suggested lightly, but there was something in her tone that Harry couldn’t quite place. “They also said something about portraits. And speaking of portraits, Harry, you really need to finish that essay before Transfiguration this evening.” 

“I don’t know how, though!” Harry whined, stabbing his scrambled eggs angrily. “Honestly, it’s the most difficult topic this year!”

“Why don’t you just ask one of the portraits?” Hermione suggested innocently as she sipped on her orange juice. “Clearly, you’re stuck anyway. Might as well try other routes than just brood over it all day.” 

“Maybe I will,” Harry murmured thoughtfully. 

If only he had noticed Hermione’s mischievous smirk.

-

By the time lunch rolled around, Harry was really starting to get confused over the incredulous stares he was getting. 

Luckily, not many people were actually talking to him like that morning. But every time someone did, it was always the same thing - “I didn’t know your rivalry with Malfoy was like that! ”

What in the bloody fuck were they talking about?!

He and Ron were equally confused and suspected that Malfoy must’ve done something, but Hermione hadn’t said much on the matter.

Harry sighed as he started to make his way down to the Great Hall for lunch. Hermione and Ron were already there since he’d needed to stay after class to clean up the potion he spilled. But as he made his way down to the Great Hall, he started to get confused. Several students were not only blatantly staring at him and muttering to their friends, but also talking to the portraits . Harry couldn’t hear what was being said, but it was almost an unspoken rule in Hogwarts to just ignore the portraits.

Harry’s confusion only tripled when he saw a small crowd surrounding none other than Draco Malfoy, who was…yelling at a portrait? 

“I DON’T KNOW WHO TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE OKAY TO EMBARRASS THE HEIR TO THE HOUSE OF MALFOY, BUT MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS-”

Harry wrinkled his nose. Bloody Malfoy, nattering on about Merlin-knows what. Before Harry could make a swift exit to avoid the prat, unfortunately, Malfoy caught sight of him. Instantly, and much to Harry’s confusion, his expression morphed into fury. 

“POTTER!” he yelled, stomping over to him with a scowl firmly in place. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH THIS PRACTICAL JOKE, BUT I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE ASKING ME IF WE’RE DATING-”

“People are what !?” Harry cut off the other boy’s ranting, feeling supremely confused. Them? Dating ?! “I’ve been confused about what people have been saying all day! And don’t even know what you’re talking about!” 

Malfoy stared at him for a few moments, still looking furious, before scoffing. “Turn and try and talk to a portrait, Potter! Then you’ll understand, you bloody buffoon!” Malfoy said primly, before turning around with a dramatic flare and staking away. Snickers rose from the small crowd that had been watching the exchange, and Harry felt himself scowl. 

“Fine! I will, you twit!” he called after Malfoy, before turning around and stomping to the very same portrait that Malfoy had been yelling at -  a random old lady. 

“Listen,” he started, ready to go on a rant, “ I don’t know what’s going on with the portraits, but-”

“Oh, you’re the other boy the story is about!” the portrait exclaimed. “Well, as per my instructions…ahem! ‘Once upon a time, there was a boy named Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy-” 

“What?!” Harry exclaimed. “What are you talking about-” 

“The two boys frequently clashed, but under all the arguing, there were simmering romantic feelings-”

“Simmering what -”

“Eventually, the more romantic of the two, Harry, couldn’t take it anymore and decided to confess-” 

“I am not the more romantic- wait, what?! I could never like Malfoy! I’m not even gay-!”

“-And told Draco that he liked him. Draco was shocked, but since he had decorum unlike Harry-” 

“What do you mean unlike me?! He’s a prat!” 

“-he decided to take the confession with grace. ‘Potter, the truth is, I like you too,’ Draco replied. Harry was shocked, but was so happy his feelings were requited-”

“No, shut up!” Harry hissed, feeling his face heat up at the snickering from around him. “Stop this bloody tripe! I don’t know why the bloody portraits are saying this story but it’s all mental-” 

“-and then they kissed. The end-” 

“NO! I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON DRACO MALFOY!” Harry yelled so loud that the entire castle probably heard him. The silence that followed his explosive words was deafening. 

And unbeknownst to Harry, there was a supremely amused Hermione in the crowd the entire time, recording the entire spectacle on her phone.

-

In the Slytherin dormitory, where Draco retreated to escape from all the chaos (seriously: Potter?! Even if he was a homosexual, which he wasn’t, he would never date Potter), he stared down at his phone with mild disgust. Why was there a TikTok video of a homeless man who looked vaguely like Sirius Black posting videos titled “why I am innocent and Peter sucks”? 

This content is garbage. Invest in a shower. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy, heir to the house of Malfoy , Draco commented angrily and, with a sigh, scrolled. Surely nothing out of the ordinary would happen from him commenting on a video that may or may not have been Sirius Black, right?

Bloody Muggle app.