Archive of Our Own ^beta

    Nazuna wouldn’t say her parents were bad. Occasional assholes, maybe, but they gave her a roof over her head and everything she needed to survive. So why was she so discontent with them? It’s not like anything they did to her was that bad. Sure they couldn’t go a day without yelling at their kids, sure Ma said she wouldn’t be at her wedding should it be with a woman, but it was all justifiable. Nothing that had ever happened to Nazuna was detestable. Bad things happened, definitely. Some days were worse than others, some days were just straight up horrible, but Nazuna always pushed through. She was strong enough to do so. Well, she was supposed to be. Nazuna didn’t know where the ball dropped, but one day she apparently had enough and decided she needed to be dependent on someone for a change. Of course, it was a one time thing. Nazuna was an independent girl, that’s how she was brought up. The world wouldn’t stop moving because of her problems; it didn’t revolve around her. That’s what her parents always told her. Ma even said to her face that no matter how hard Nazuna’s life got, there was always other people who had it worse. Verbatim. But today, just for today, she decided to confide in someone. It was, again, a one time thing. She mentally psyched herself up and plans a specific time to talk to the most trustworthy and experienced person she knew.

    Ogami Shirou.

    Of course, she knew Michiru probably should’ve been the first person she approached considering that they’re, you know, not-so-platonic best buddies. And Nazuna did trust Michiru the most out of everyone, but Michiru didn’t always know what to say. So the next option was the Silver Wolf himself. Nazuna didn’t really remember when she started viewing him as a father figure, or an older brother at the very least, but it’s been that way for awhile. The two had a lot more in common than people would expect. They were so different, yet the exact same. They both struggled expressing emotions, they both shared similar interests and hated the same things, they were compatible. They became unexpected best friends, and stayed that way for what, four years? But they’ve drifted apart. It’s been months since the two have had a proper, honest-to-Ginrou, full-fledged conversation. It’s just been way too busy for both parties. So when the time comes to meet up with Shirou, Nazuna found herself pacing back and forth in her room like a robot coded to display pure stress, anxiety and nervousness all in one. Shirou was just in the other room. Hell, he already knew Nazuna was going to meet up with him to ‘chat and catch up’ (that’s what the kitsune told him), so all Nazuna needed to do was knock on that damned door and start a conversation. That’s it. They could naturally ease into Nazuna’s problems from there.

    But where would Nazuna start? The debilitating fear Nazuna had been feeling recently for no apparent reason? How Boris had singlehandedly fucked up her perception of how she viewed people older than her? How her parents were at home? Should she just let Shirou open up instead? Is that how this worked? How did any of this work?!

    Nazuna snapped back to reality after shaking her head, raising her fist and knocking on the door twice. Adrenaline was coursing through her veins and she felt herself immediately regretting all of this. She contemplated just running away and ding-dong-ditching the only proper father figure she’s ever had in her life when-

   The door creaked open and Shirou peered out of the tiny crevice between the edge of the door and it’s frame. At the sight of Nazuna, he opened the door fully and gave a very subtle smile.

     “Ah, Nazuna. I was wondering where you were, come in kid.” And boom, Nazuna had no more time to continue overthinking. She nodded, a bit too quickly, and awkwardly shuffled into Shirou’s.. Room? Office? Space.

    –

    Hours passed, and Nazuna felt arguably worse than she did before. It was so clear with the absence of response coming from Shirou that he didn’t know what to say. God, was her life really that much of a bummer? Opening up was supposed to be a one time thing. She said it herself. It was a one time thing.

     Until it wasn’t. Nazuna found herself determined to really get other peoples’ perspective on her life. She was slightly, no, very sure that Shirou was just overreacting. So she pulls out her phone and texts Marie. Now, one might think, Marie, of all people?! Isn’t that the fraud with 9,000 different illegally owned businesses?! Nazuna couldn’t deny that nor could defend the wea-Mink, she was a huge cheat. She was the definition of a scam. But she did have a way with words. Well… Sometimes. Marie was a very opinionated person and if Nazuna wanted someone to be brutally honest without sugarcoating jack, then Marie was the right person to go to. 

    Marie.

    Ah, Nazuna! DId you need something? A new phone? Perchance

    ??? you cant just say perchance. meet near horner residence

     –

    As soon as Marie arrived, Nazuna grabbed her by her shoulders and stared her dead in the eyes.

    “Marie.”

    “Mm.”

    “Take one good look at me. Do I look like someone who would have a horrible past.”

    Marie raised an eyebrow skeptically, about to ask but shutting up immediately once Nazuna’s glare intensified.

    “You both look it and act it, kid. You have the temper of a muzzled pitbull chained to a pole with a spoonful of peanut butter juuust out of reach,” Marie pushed Nazuna off her and looked around worriedly. “I hope no pitbulls heard that”.

    Nazuna didn’t exactly know how to react. Should she just.. Continue and tell the mink everything? I mean, she did say she wouldn’t mind if I ever opened up to her a few weeks ago… Just like that, Nazuna began to summarize her life for the dodger to analyze. Once she was done, she was practically out of breath. Marie simply hummed and took a sip out of the steaming plastic cup of coffee Nazuna hadn’t realised she had, and locked eyes with the kitsune.

    “Firstly, you seriously need a therapist. Secondly…” Nazuna didn’t retain any of the advice or pointers Marie had to offer, she just focused on the five words that were uttered. You seriously need a therapist. Ugh, was it really that bad?! Nazuna zoned out, letting Marie ramble and rant about her thoughts on her family and issues. Nazuna just refused to accept the fact that her life was as bad as everyone else made it out to be. It was so normal. It was normal to her. 

     By the time Nazuna was back home on her bed, she was absolutely drained and irritated to get any errands done. She groaned into her pillow. She seriously considered getting into contact with a therapist or psychiatrist or whatever, but there were no fully reliable ones in Animacity. Or atleast where she lived in Animacity. Moreover, healthcare was expensive. So what was the point? Why could everyone else see that her life was so fucked up and she couldn’t? Was she the problem?

…What was wrong with her?