Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Clarke couldn’t breathe. When she sucked in a breath, it felt more like it was poisoning her than keeping her alive. How could she still be alive? How was that possible when she just watched the woman she loved die in her arms?

Clarke clung to the blanket Lexa died on. She vaguely registered someone’s hands on her shoulders. It didn’t matter who, Clarke had no fight left in her. She was ready for Titus to go back on his promise and lead her to her death. She couldn’t find it in herself to care.

The tears streaming down her face fell on the blanket still in her arms. Voices in the background were saying her name, but she couldn’t make out anything else.

Eventually Clarke found herself on the back of a horse. Someone was riding next to her. Holding a rope to guide her horse, and trying to talk to her. She leaned forward and settled herself securely on the horse. The same way Lexa had taught her. Lexa. Lexa. Lexa who is dead. Lexa who I watched die. Lexa who I love and will never get to tell her.

A scream tore itself out of Clarke’s chest. The same way it had when she watched her dad get floated. The horse jerked forward when it was startled, but like everything else, it did nothing to break Clarke out of the haze she’d slipped into.

She had no idea how long she sat on the horse, just staring straight forward. The voice on her left was starting to feel like a small comfort as she clutched the blanket closer.

The sky grew dark, but Clarke couldn’t care less. Her body was exhausted from the pain of watching…well, watching that and she slumped against her horse not long after, her tears dropped from her cheeks to the horse’s mane.

---------

Clarke woke to the sound of arguing. They had arrived at Arkadia and Murphy was trying to convince the guards to let them in. For the first time since black blood coated her fingers, Clarke’s focus was pulled away from it.

Pike was trying to talk down some guards who were brandishing their weapons at her and Murphy.

“Hey, put your guns down! Now!”

The guards hesitantly lowered their guns but still looked at them skeptically.

“John Murphy,” Pike chuckled. “I can’t believe you’re still alive.”

“I told you, I’ll survive.” Murphy drawled.

“And you did. I’m glad to see it.” His eyes flicked over to Clarke. If the shocked expression on his face was anything to go by, Clarke looked worse than she thought.

“Ms. Griffin, it’s good to see you. Everyone was starting to think you left us for those savages.”

Well, that was quite possibly the worst thing to say. Especially while Clarke was feeling unbalanced from Lexa’s sudden death.

“Clarke–” Murphy tried, and failed, to keep the blonde calm.

In one quick move, Clarke dismounted and punched Pike hard enough that the red blood of Clarke’s knuckles mixed with Lexa’s black.

“Savages?! You slaughtered their people to make a statement! They were there to protect you!”

Clarke got in three more hits before the guards were pulling her kicking and screaming away from Pike.

“Lock her up! Ms. Griffin, you seem to have forgotten who your people are. Put her in her room until she cools off.”

Murphy just watched as Clarke fought the guards the whole way. Sprouting expletives he’d never thought were a part of her vocabulary.

---------

Raven also watched Clarke get dragged away. The dismay on Skaikru’s faces couldn’t be hidden no matter how hard everyone tried. Clarke, in all her glory, was just a kid. It was so easy to forget when she was commanding armies and negotiating treaties, but right now it was clear as day. She had obviously been through something difficult, no one had seen the leader as anything less than composed yet here she was, looking like someone had run her over with the rover. Her tear-stained cheeks, odd black substance that stained her, and lashing out at Pike was all so un-Clarke-like that it was shocking.

Something had broken Clarke.

Honestly, it was perfect. Everyone looked to Clarke to guide them. To Skaikru, it didn’t matter how old she was, Clarke’s reputation spoke for itself. She was a powerhouse.

If Raven and Jaha could get Clarke to take the chip, she would ensure their swift success. Clarke had the support and respect of the people. If she apologized for her outburst today, made an impassioned speech (more Bellamy’s thing, but Raven could help Clarke), and promised her allegiance to Skaikru, they may be able to start a little uprising and put Clarke in as the chancellor. Ambitious? Yes, but they wouldn’t lose much if they failed.

At the very least, Clarke could endorse the chip and they’d have her mind on their side.

The only problem was that Clarke would never take the chip if she knew what it was. Raven had no idea why. It was the best thing that had happened to her, but Alie said that Clarke wouldn’t take it.

So her only choice was to get to her while she was in solitary so no one could tell her about the chips.

Pike had taken away their chip maker so she and Jaha only had one chip left. This was their best shot at making it count.

Raven’s luck seemed to be getting better and better by the minute. Bellamy and Miller were guarding Clarke’s room. Raven grabbed a water bottle and some rations to bring with her.

Bellamy frowned as she approached.

“Pike didn’t tell us she was getting food.”

“Pike didn’t send me, Abby did.”

Of course, Bellamy’s frown only deepened. Miller though looked a little more lenient.

“C’mon, Bellamy. I haven’t seen Clarke in–” Raven’s voice broke. “You saw her when she came in. I just need to check on my sister.” That part wasn’t a lie. Raven and Clarke really were like sisters and Bellamy knew it. His face softened and he nodded.

Raven slid into the cell and stopped when she saw Clarke sitting on the ground.

“Clarke?”

She looked up and blinked in surprise as if she hadn’t heard Raven walk in.

“Hey,” Raven carefully maneuvered herself next to Clarke and set the food aside. “I saw your little freak out on the way in.”

Clarke chuckled for a moment before leaning her head against Raven’s shoulder. Raven went to grab her hands and saw they were coated in the black stuff.

“Let’s clean you up.” Raven guided Clarke over to the sink and soothingly rubbed Clarke’s back while she washed her hands.

“What is this stuff anyway?”

“Blood.” Clarke’s voice was hoarse from her sobs. She cleared her throat and continued washing.

“Black blood?”

“Yeah, some grounders are born with it. They–they are the only ones who can become Heda.”

“Does that–is that the commander’s blood?”

Clarke’s bottom lip shook and she nodded.

“She’s dead.” Her voice broke on the word.

They didn’t speak again until the murky water ran clear and Raven got Clarke to sit on the bed.

“I’m sorry, Rae. I know what she did, what I did, but she…I got to know her.” Clarke sucked in a breath and turned to Raven, her eyes shining from tears about to fall. “I loved her.”

The tears cascaded down Clarke’s cheeks and Raven hugged her tight. Her sobs shook them both.

This. Is. Perfect.

“It hurts now, but it doesn’t have to hurt forever.”

Clarke pulled away and looked at Raven skeptically.

“I’m serious. You’ll have good moments again. Like this, coming together after not seeing each other for months.”

The corner of Clarke’s lips quirked up but it seemed to be all she could manage.

Raven picked up Clarke’s tray of food and placed it on her lap.

“I know you’re hurting, but you need to take care of yourself, okay? Start with this.” Raven held up the chip and Clarke narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“What is that?”

“Just something to remind you there are good things out there.”

Clarke grabbed the chip and held it up. “You really think candy will help?”

“It won’t hurt. There are going to be a lot of hard times coming, Clarke.” Raven rested her hand on Clarke’s shoulder and made sure Clarke was looking at her. “Learning to enjoy the little things will help a lot. This isn’t the first time you’ve lost someone, but it’s the first time you’re letting someone in to help. So let’s celebrate the commander’s life, yeah? She’d want you to be happy. One good moment at a time.”

“Lexa.”

“What?” Raven grit her teeth. Just take the chip!

“Lexa, she was the commander, but that’s how her people will remember her. I want to make sure someone remembers Lexa.”

“Lexa. I wish I got to meet her instead of the commander.” Raven agreed.

“She was a dork. Had a concerning amount of candles and loved books from the old world.”

Raven patiently nodded and waited for a moment after Clarke’s statement, but she still wasn’t taking the chip.

“One good moment at a time. For Lexa.” She prodded.

Clarke reached up and wiped away her tears before clearing her throat. She leaned into Raven and popped the chip in her mouth.

Raven could see the moment it hit Clarke’s mind. Her pain-filled features relaxed and she sat up, no longer needing Raven’s support.

Raven smiled at Clarke. 

“Welcome to the City of Light.”

---------

Lexa woke up slowly. She could hear the voices of people around her, but couldn’t quite make anything out. It didn’t take long for her exhaustion to overtake her once more.

Lexa dreamt of golden hair and hands tipped with charcoal.

The next time she woke up, it was only for a moment. A blurry, bearded face swam in her vision and a muffled, “Heda” greeted her before she slid away again.

This dream was more detailed. Lexa looked up from where she had dozed off on the couch and found Clarke making focused strokes on her sketch paper. She looked up with a sheepish expression when she realized that Lexa was awake.

“I’m glad you stayed.”

“So am I. Someone needs to keep an eye on you.”

“Is that what this is?” Lexa smiled. “You’re just tending me?”

“Of course,” Clarke set aside her drawings and moved to the couch with Lexa. “You are the coalition, Heda. I have to make sure peace is kept and that means making sure you are safe.”

“How noble of you.” Clarke smiled before adopting what Lexa called her ‘business face.’ Lexa’s favorite thing was to wipe that look off her face. “And here I thought you just wanted to sketch me.”

That did it. Clarke blushed and tried to hide her embarrassed expression but it was too late. Lexa laughed and pulled Clarke down with her. Clarke came willingly and held Lexa tight.

“Okay, maybe I have some selfish motivations as well.”

Clarke kissed Lexa and hummed happily.

“I love you.” This time Lexa got over her fear. This time she didn’t chicken out.

“I love you, too.” Clarke’s eyes softened and she buried her head in Lexa’s shoulder.

She closed her eyes and ran her hands through Clarke’s golden hair. It didn’t get better than this.

No, but it certainly got worse when she woke up.

Lexa felt the sharp pain anytime she moved. Her hiss of pain caught the attention of Nyko who had been treating her.

“Heda! Stay still, movement will only hurt it more.”

That was easier said than done. Lexa was in a cart that was bumping along the path. Every rock or lump they rolled over sent a spike of pain to her core.

“What happened?”

“You were shot, Heda.”

“I meant after, Nyko.” Lexa didn’t mean to snap, but she was confused and in a lot of pain.

“Titus brought you to me. Fortunately, I’ve been working with Abby kom Skaikru. She has taught me some of their medicine and gave me a bag of supplies. I was lucky to get you stable enough to travel. Abby will be able to finish healing you, we’re headed to her now.”

Lexa closed her eyes and thought through the pain.

“Clarke, where is she? She was there with me.”

“Titus gave Wanheda and the Skaikru boy two horses to make the journey back to their land. Abby said there have been some problems there, she and some others left their home to make a plan to fix it. I’m not sure if Wanheda is with them.”

Wanheda. Clarke hates that name.

Lexa pulled her focus back on track, but could feel the darkness creeping back in the corners of her vision.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Five days, Heda.”

Lexa wanted to ask more but a particularly rough bump caused her to pass out from pain.

Chapter Text

Raven Reyes was a problem.

Clarke had been doing all that Alie had asked and Raven had as well, up until she went with Jasper to get the chip maker. Now she was trying to get Alie out of her head.

Clarke didn’t usually think Raven and stupid belonged in the same sentence, but she was starting to doubt that particular opinion. Jaha had been standing guard outside of the room trying to get people to just keep moving.

Clarke had been trying to negotiate with Pike for the chip maker. He lost it when he found out Raven had been allowed into the room when he ordered Clarke to solitary confinement for three days before accepting her apology. She didn’t mind the time to herself. It let her spend as much time in the City of Light as she wanted.

Now she could only go when her job was done and Clarke’s job was never done. Bellamy had disappeared the other day, which finally let her move on to the next step.

Skaikru was on the edge of constant panic and Clarke was going to use that to her advantage. Most were only with Pike because they thought he could take care of them, but they knew Clarke would always do what is best for her people. So that’s exactly what Clarke was going to do.

Pike was surprised to see her. He closed his office door and sat at his desk before practically jumping out of it when he saw Clarke.

“Griffin! What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to take care of my people, Charles.” Pike furrowed his brow when Clarke used his first name. So what if Clarke was acting weird, he shook it off.

“Your people?”

“Yes.”

His loud laugh filled the room but died out when he saw the calculating gaze Clarke was analyzing him with.

“You’re serious?”

“Of course. You’ve caused my people pain. I’m here to fix that.”

“You abandoned your people to run off with some grounders.”

“And you’ve made a mess in my absence.”

“You think they’ll just line up behind you?”

Clarke smiled bitterly and slowly moved toward Pike’s desk.

“Have you ever heard of the Rally Around the Flag Effect?” On his blank look, Clarke shrugged. “I didn’t think so, you were more focused on survival on Earth than Earth politics. The idea is that when tragedy strikes against a group, commonly a nation, the collective grief pulls them together. Everyone is inspired to be a patriot or to do something better than they did before because of that event.”

“Where are you going with this?” Now he looked nervous. Maybe he could be persuaded.

“No,” Alie chimed in. “We need to set a standard for everyone. The City of Light is the only way to be saved.”

“Abby, Kane, Lincoln, basically all the major heads of your opposition fled a couple of days ago. Their group is even more unsure of you now that they think you had something to do with them leaving. If one of their fanatics killed you in a fit of rage, someone would need to take control of your followers. With Bellamy MIA, and let’s face it, no natural leaders in the rest of your gang, someone has to take charge and lead our people into a better tomorrow.”

“You.”

“No. I’m simply an advisor and spokesperson. Alie can save us. You just have to be out of the picture. Skaikru needs someone who can empathize with the old ways on the Ark, like Kane and Abby, but they also need someone who knows the true dangers of the new world. They think that’s you. But you’re a fool, who nearly got us all wiped out.

“I know the dangers here and I know how to lead the people of the Ark. Know that your death brings new life to our people. Thank you, Charles. May we meet again.”

The door swung open and a man strode in. His calm demeanor even while shooting Pike betrayed his chipped status. If this was going to work though, the people had to see Clarke’s reluctance.

“No, Pike! Guards, help!” Clarke was already aiming her gun at the man before the guards made it through the door.

Bang! Bang!

Clarke let out a realistic sounding sob and turned to the stunned guards.

“There was nothing I could do. He just came in and started shoo–” Clarke turned away from the guards. They eventually took the bodies from the room as she ‘grieved.’

After a while the doors closed behind her and Clarke looked to Alie.

“Well done, Clarke.”

“Thank you. Let’s get our people back to the City of Light.”

Alie simply smiled and gestured towards the door.

_________

Hushed voices greeted her this time. Lexa tried to sit up, but a pair of hands held her down.

 As Lexa struggled to open her eyes, she saw a flash of blonde.

Clarke?

Her vision came into focus only to reveal the wrong shade, wrong eyes, wrong face. A Skaikru warrior? Yes. Her Clarke? No.

Lincoln was by her side next, making sure she was lying still.

“You are safe here, Heda.”

“Where am I?” Lexa croaked. She hated seeming weak in front of anyone, much less members of a clan she already had a rocky relationship with.

“Calm down, Heda.” Abby Griffin came over. “You’re in a cave near Arkadia. We’re camping out here while we figure out what to do.”

Lexa relaxed against the cart bed.

“You got lucky that the bullet didn’t hit anything vital, but it’s still in there. We’re going to have to sneak back into the Ark to get it out.”

“What do I do until then? You cannot expect me to just lay here.”

“Actually I do. We can prop you up a little, but you aren’t leaving this cart.”

What is it with these demanding Griffin women?

“Why not? I’ve fought with injuries before.”

“If you move, you could risk injuring yourself further! Right now the bullet is in an acceptable location meaning if you move too much, it could become dangerous.”

Lexa growled her dissent, but stopped trying to get up once they had helped her sit up a little.

Lexa looked around at those surrounding her and felt her heart drop.

“Where is Clarke?”

Lexa saw the tense looks take over the faces surrounding her.

“Heda,” The blonde from earlier started. “In addition to Pike becoming chancellor, some of our people have…”

“Joined a cult.” Murphy drawled, “Just spit it out, Harper.”

Lexa faced him, remembering her less than ideal meeting with him. He seemed to be there to support Clarke which she was grateful for.

“Murphy kom Skaikru, you were with Clarke when I saw her last. Where is she?”

Clarke wouldn’t have joined a cult. That was ridiculous, Clake had gone back to smooth things over with her people. Things may have changed when you nearly died right in front of her. Her inner voice nagged.

“She stayed back at Arkadia to make sure none of them did anything too stupid.”

Lexa relaxed into the mound of furs they built up behind her and bit back a hiss of pain. Asking about Clarke was showing enough weakness, she didn’t have to advertise that she was in pain as well.

“Good. Clarke is a skilled leader, I am sure she will be able to turn things around.”

“Yeah, she’s special, isn’t she?” Murphy said.

Lexa frowned. Was he teasing her? He had seen her and Clarke say goodbye when they thought it would be their last. Challenging him would be stupid. Lexa was injured and couldn’t retaliate against anything he said. Well, couldn’t properly retaliate. She’d have to ignore his disrespect. For now.

“Is there a way to speak with her?”

“Our man on the inside can get a message to her.” Bellamy stepped forward. Lexa noticed that he was chained to the wall.

“Is this inside man also a prisoner?”

“No, just Clarke.” Of course Murphy couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“She’s a prisoner?” Lexa growled.

“No. Well, not anymore.” A guard conceded. Miller. Lexa remembered Clarke telling her about each of the people around her. She’d even sketched some of them in ‘action.’ It not only baffled Lexa that Clarke could draw so well, but she had a great memory to recreate the scenes her friends were in.

“Pike called the grounders savages and Clarke taught him a lesson.” Murphy supplied.

Lexa tried to prevent the corners of her lips from lifting, but lost the battle for a quick moment. Fortunately only Murphy seemed to notice.

Clarke teaching Pike a lesson was exactly what she would’ve done, but Lexa couldn’t help but think a more peaceful approach would’ve been better. She shouldn’t be proud of one of her ambassadors for losing their cool, but Clarke wasn’t just an ambassador. Still she shouldn’t be proud. Nope. Not proud at all.

This time, Lexa didn’t even try to fight the losing battle with her amusement. Her smile, although small, was genuine.

“A lesson?”

“Yeah,” Harper was also trying to cover her own amusement. “A good one, too. Abby had to patch him up.”

Abby’s face tightened. She wasn’t as happy with Clarke’s actions.

“I can imagine, sparring with Clarke can be…intense.” Lexa smirked.

“Did you two spar much in Polis?” Murphy. Again. Lexa was brainstorming ideas to shut him up.

“When we had time.” Lexa growled. Murphy seemed to have gotten the message. He raised his hands and backed away.

In an attempt to shake off the awkward conversation, Indra cleared her throat. “Heda, once we get you taken care of, we can get Clarke’s input on our next steps.”

Lexa clenched her jaw but nodded.

“Then take the bullet out.”

“We have to wait until dark to sneak you in.” Kane cautiously approached Lexa and placed a comforting hand on Abby’s shoulder. “Pike has been killing any grounders that get too close. We had a group in the cells that we managed to get out with. They were headed to Polis to take a message to you. Right now, it’s just us.

“Bellamy, Abby, Miller, and Harper will sneak you in. Monty, our inside man, will be there to open the other end of the tunnel. We were worried about someone finding the tunnel so he’ll have to unlock it for us.

“I’ll have Monty tell Clarke you’re alive.”

Lexa froze.

“She doesn’t know I am alive? Did Titus light the signal fire?” Lexa aimed that last question at Indra.

“No, I never saw the signal.”

“Clarke and I thought we watched you die, Commander.” Murphy’s voice was surprisingly soft. “Titus gave us all the equipment we needed to get back to the blockade and a letter that told your people to let us through.”

Lexa nodded. Having lost Costia, she had been in Clarke’s position before and remembered how painful the loss had been. At times it had made her physically ill.

Had Lexa been focused on anything but Clarke, she would’ve noticed the curious looks the group was exchanging.

“Is that why she lost it when Pike called us savages?”

“Actually he said he thought she may have left Skaikru for the savages.”

Lexa winced, she remembered asking Clarke to stay. She already knew what the answer would be but couldn’t help herself. After sleeping together, Lexa wasn’t sure what Clarke’s answer would be so she didn’t ask.

“She was in Polis for her people, has Skaikru forgotten all that Clarke has done for them?” If Murphy’s smug smirk and raised eyebrow was any indication, her tone was a little too harsh.

“You said that you could have Monty tell Clarke I am alive.” Lexa directed at Kane. “Do it. Tell her I will be there tonight and I would like to see her.”

Kane nodded.

“Until then, you should rest, Commander.” Abby interjected. “Getting us all into Arkadia is going to hurt.”

_________

Clarke never really much enjoyed speaking in front of people, but instead of the slight twinge of unease she usually felt, her nerves were calm. This was all she had to worry about. Jaha was managing Raven, as well as anyone could manage Raven. Besides, Alie was with her. How could Clarke be worried when she knew Alie was by her side?

In the early afternoon, she had called a gathering. Most of Arkadia was here and waiting for her to begin.

“You are ready, Clarke.” Alie soothed, “Your people are waiting for you to guide them home.”

Clarke stood up on the small podium and faced the people she would do anything for.

“I’m sure you have all heard Charles Pike is dead. It’s true. My mentor, my friend, died today. Like Abby and Kane he has tried and failed to lead us to safety, and one of our own punished him for that. We can’t allow this violence and pain to continue.”

Many in the crowd steeled themselves. Everyday they spent on the ground was a fight for survival and they were tired of it.

“We didn’t survive nearly one hundred years in space just to die on the ground because of our leaders.”

More nods. Alie tilted her head at Clarke, signaling her forward.

“We can’t keep allowing leaders to try and force us into wars or into societies that don't want us. Starting a war with the grounder will only kill us all, but Pike didn’t care. He was driven by his need for revenge and let it blind him to the risk. Abby and Kane have been so focused on the grounders that they allowed us to trade with people who want to kill us. Azgeda won’t hesitate to take the chance to wipe us out, especially following the death of the commander. Those relationships have put us in danger.”

Clarke had warned Alie that she wouldn’t have believed her own arguments, but Alie had reminded her how people were driven by emotions. As long as Clarke riled them up and gave them a direction, they would hang on her every word. She didn’t understand how they could just ignore how it would be better to work with the people who had actually survived on Earth, but after seeing their anger at her (kind of) unjust accusation against Azgeda, Clarke had to hide her smile. Alie was right. Of course she was. Clarke would never doubt her again.

“I have fought for my people ever since I landed on Earth. We survived landing on a new planet, a grounder army, the monsters of Mount Weather, and here we are fighting with a grounder army again !

“You are my people and I won’t stop fighting for you until we find peace. Right now we need a leader who understands what it’s like to make hard choices. We need a leader who is willing to devote themselves to the needs of their people and not their own desires.”

At this point, Clarke could tell that everyone was engaged in her words. Abby and Kane’s supporters were looking to her with hope in their eyes and Pike’s followers had a fight in theirs. As if they were ready to launch into war if she simply asked. And she was going to. Not today, but soon enough.

“I’m willing to be that person. There’s a vote for a new chancellor in an hour. Whoever you pick, I just hope you choose a candidate who is as willing to do the things I’ve already proven I will do.

“Regardless of the results, I will always do what is best for my people.”

Applause greeted the end of her speech. Alie nodded once, pleased in her performance. Clarke quickly dismounted from the stage and spoke with those around her until a familiar mop of floppy hair greeted her.

“Clarke,” Monty whispered, his eyes alight. “We need to speak, right now.”

Clarke politely dismissed the people around her and walked off with Monty right on her heels.

Soon enough, Alie directed her to an empty room.

“What’s wrong, Monty?”

“Clarke, I spoke to Abby. She said she wants to meet with you. It’s important.”

“Why would Abby have a message for me? She’s no longer the chancellor.”

Monty took a step back looking alarmed.

“Abigail Griffin, your mother. She is a doctor.” Alie supplied, seemingly indifferent to Monty’s reaction.

“Ah, yes. My mother.” Clarke smiled politely. Monty narrowed his eyes and took a small step back. “Is something wrong, Monty?”

Monty hesitated for a moment before softly passing along another message.

“She also wanted me to tell you that Kane is going to be okay. She knew you were really worried when he was shot.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. How could she possibly worry about anything? Alie had told her that others may be reluctant to embrace the City of Light so she had to act as if she was on their side. If that meant worrying about Kane or shedding tears over Pike, Clarke would do what her people needed to protect them.

“I’m so glad to hear that.” Honestly, she was indifferent. Clarke didn’t even know the former vice chancellor personally. “I’ve been worried sick.”

Monty just stared at Clarke as if trying to solve a difficult problem.

“Is that all?”

“Uh, yeah. I just thought you’d want to know.” Monty left the room leaving Clarke alone with Alie.

“We need him in the City of Light.” Clarke directed to Alie. “He’s suspicious and his mind alone is an asset.”

“I agree, can you talk him into it?”

“If I can’t, I can use other means of persuasion. You’ve built something great. It would be my pleasure to help expand the City of Light.”

Alie tilted her head to the side for a moment before refocusing on Clarke.

“Let’s get to work.”

Clarke nodded and took off.

_________

Lexa stifled another groan and she heard a whispered, “Sorry.”

Traveling around the woods on a stretcher with Skaikru trying to keep her steady was a test of her patience. One she was failing.

Miller and Harper gently lowered her to the ground while they waited for Bellamy to return.

Abby’s nervous energy was contagious and Lexa had to stop herself from snapping at the woman.

“He’ll be back soon.”

Abby jumped slightly and turned back to Lexa.

“I know, it’s just the sooner we get in there the sooner we get out.”

Lexa nodded her agreement. The Skaikru had told her about the cult Jaha seemed to have founded. That coupled with the danger of Pike unsettled them all.

Lexa just took a deep breath. She preferred to handle the danger on her own, with a blade. Right now she forced herself to relax and put her trust in Clarke. It unnerved her how quickly she had come to depend on the blonde and her style of getting things done.

Lexa needed to learn to trust the people around her more and maybe Clarke could help with that. Kane had sent the message to Monty and hadn’t heard a response, but Bellamy had promised he would look for Clarke while Abby operated on Lexa.

Lexa turned her head to the side. She heard Bellamy and none of the rest of the party had registered his return yet. Honestly, how does Skaikru expect to survive in the woods when they tromp around like that?

Bellamy burst into the clearing and the three Skaikru jumped. Lexa only just schooled her expression into something neutral before she made the wrong face and shared her amusement at their ineptitude. Mockery is not the product of a strong mind. Murphy could stand to learn that.

“Let’s go, now.”

Miller and Harper lifted her stretcher and Lexa bit back the groan of pain as they trudged forward.

They made it to a fence and slipped in before reaching the tunnel. After a couple of bumps and angry glares from Lexa they made their way through to the panel Monty would loosen.

It only took a couple of minutes for the panel to slip open and reveal Monty on the other side, looking panicked.

“Hurry! I cut the cameras and cleared out the med bay. We need to get there as soon as we can.”

He glanced down the hallway and they got out of the tunnel and started moving, almost having to jog to keep up with Monty’s pace.

“You guys missed out on a lot. We need to wait until we’re somewhere safe before I can explain.”

After ducking down a couple of halls, they finally reached the med bay and Monty turned to lock it.

“Monty, what’s going on? I thought we told you to get Clarke here.” Harper asked.

“Clarke’s been chipped.”

Lexa tried to sit up only to be met by the same infuriating hands that had kept her laying down all afternoon.

“How?” Abby panicked. “She’d never take the chip.”

“I don’t know when, but I realized it today. She’s been hanging around Raven, I just thought Raven was trying to convince her but it looks like she succeeded.”

The news hung over them all as they absorbed it before Miller broke the silence.

“This is bad.”

“It gets worse.”

Of course it does.

“Pike is dead.”

“That’s worse, why?” Lexa questioned.

“Because as of half an hour ago, Clarke was elected chancellor.”

Yep, worse. Much worse.

“So, Clarke joined a cult and the devil we knew is dead, replaced by the devil we don’t.” Bellamy summed up.

“Pretty much. Abby, you need to start that surgery as soon as you can. I don’t know how long we have, but I do know that Clarke has been looking for me. I’m going to go out and distract anyone who comes near the med bay.

“Don’t wait for me to get out. Leave as soon as you’re done and I’ll sneak out tonight.”

“Thank you, Monty.” Bellamy pulled his friend in for a hug. Monty gave one last courageous nod and left the room.

Lexa could feel her hands shake, but she pressed them flat against the bed they set her on.

“Well, Commander,” Abby walked over to the sink and started washing her hands. “Let’s get a move on.”

_________

“Raven?” Clarke didn’t bother waiting for a response before walking into the mechanic’s room.

Raven was muttering to herself and had all kinds of noise playing in the background. She couldn’t keep still, bouncing around the room or doing an exercise for a couple of moments before moving on. If she stopped for a single second, Alie would be back.

“Good, you’re here. We have to fix this.”

“Fix what?” Clarke’s eyes followed Raven all around the room.

“Alie stole our memories.”

“Alie is saving us, Raven. If it costs us a few memories, does it matter?”

Raven froze. What had she done? She never should have given Clarke the chip. She had been the one to suggest Clarke to Alie. If Clarke thought it was the only way to take care of the people around her, Raven had assured Alie that Clarke would stop at nothing. Unfortunately she was right. Apparently, Clarke would even give up who she was.

A small part of Raven really respected that. Was really grateful that during all of the difficulties before Clarke had been on her side. The bigger part was starting to sound alarm bells. Clarke was not on her side. She knew the painful memories were gone. Raven had to, but did Clarke realize the good memories were gone as well?

Alie appeared and Raven cursed herself for stopping her frantic movements. She needed Clarke to believe her.

“Clarke, tell me about–”

A loud knock startled Raven and she pulled the door open.

“Jasper!” Raven shut the door behind her and followed Jasper into the hall. It didn’t stop Alie, but Clarke pounded against the door. She only had a couple of seconds before Alie gave Clarke the code.

“You remember the wristbands you all had when you landed on the ground?”

“Yeah, but what’s–”

“I need you to get me one. It’s urgent.”

“Can’t I just tell yo–”

“No! Everything I hear, she hears. Everything I see, she sees, so you can’t tell me anything! I need you to find one! I need to use it to get her out of my head! I have to shock her out!”

“I don’t know where they are.” Jasper seemed really confused and honestly, Raven couldn’t blame him. She grabbed his shoulders and before she could send him off with a warning to hurry up Alie interrupted.

“Tell him to stay. Tell him you’ve changed your mind.”

“No!” Raven turned to shout at Alie. “No.”

“Then I’m sorry for this.” Alie leveled her glare at Raven and for a split second Raven’s blood ran cold. She didn’t like that look.

Then all the pain Alie had taken came rushing back. It hit her like a truck. Raven’s scream filled the halls. Jasper caught her just before she hit the floor.

Clarke stepped out of her room and snapped at the two of them.

“We need to get her to med bay.”

Right. Their plan revolved around Clarke pretending to not be chipped. Here she was playing the part of a concerned friend to perfection.

Raven just had enough time to sigh internally before the next wave of pain hit her and she couldn’t stop screaming.

_________

“How’s it coming, doc?” Bellamy asked for the tenth time in as many minutes.

Abby finished the final stitch and nodded. They got lucky with an easy extraction that only took a couple of hours.

“We’re done. Let’s pack it up.”

Miller and Harper carefully moved Lexa to the stretcher. They didn’t have anything to knock her out with, but the Heda bit on a belt and kept her pained noises to a minimum. She looked exhausted but determined.

No one wanted to address the elephant in the room, but that wasn’t going to stop Lexa.

“We’re not leaving without Clarke.”

Abby sighed and only froze for a moment before she packed up as many medical supplies as she could carry.

“We have to. We can come back for Clarke later, but you are in no condition to help her and we don’t even know what to do if she was here.”

Lexa scowled before closing her eyes and letting out a sigh.

“Fine, but she is our priority.”

Abby didn’t understand the fascination the commander had with her daughter but it made her uneasy. Despite what Lexa had done for Skaikru, Abby just didn’t trust her. As worried as she was for her daughter’s safety, it worried her that Clarke seemed to be one of the few members of Skaikru Lexa respected. Maybe the only one. Abby couldn’t deny that Clarke had a reputation but that didn’t mean she had to like that her daughter was so tangled up in grounder politics.

“Agreed.” Bellamy added, and if Abby was honest she didn’t like that the man who had been a part of a massacre was also so close with her daughter. Before she could speak though, she watched as Miller and Harper nodded their agreement with a fire in their eyes.

Is Clarke really that important to everyone?

The thought warmed her heart. She may not be as close with her daughter as she wanted to be but she was glad to see that others cared just as much as she did about her daughter.

Abby opened her mouth to reply before she heard a scream coming from outside the door.

They all snapped to attention and turned their eyes to it. Abby suddenly felt a rush of gratitude for Kane’s suggestion that they dress Lexa in Skaikru clothing just in case someone spotted them.

Unfortunately for her, Abby’s face was more recognizable among Skaikru. Abby steeled herself and prepared to help. If she could distract whoever was coming, Bellamy, Miller, and Harper could get Lexa out.

The doors unlocked with the universal code that only a handful of people knew and Jasper was rushing to a bed with a screaming Raven in his arms.

“Raven!” Abby exclaimed.

Jasper looked up with a relieved smile. Abby rushed to his side and started looking Raven over. Trying to find the injury.

In the back of her mind, she could hear the room sucking in a breath but she was too focused on the woman she considered her second daughter to realize her actual daughter was right beside her.

“Are you a doctor?” Clarke asked. No humor or light in her eyes like Abby expected Clarke’s to always carry.

Abby blanked for a moment and she saw the confused and shocked look on Jasper’s face. She was snapped out of it by another scream from Raven.

Abby reached towards her, but was pulled back by Clarke.

“Are you a doctor?” She snapped again. “I won’t have you helping unless you are.”

“Yes, I’m… in training.” There were a limited number of actual doctors on board the Ark and more who were training. That would give Clarke less of a chance to figure out who she was.

Satisfied, Clarke let go and stood by Raven’s bedside.

“The wristbands that the 100 came down with, where are they?”

“What?!” Abby looked up at Jasper. They clearly had other priorities.

“Raven said she needed them. She thinks there’s something in her head and she needs them to get it out. She was trying to find them before…”

“Okay, there are some in–”

“Wait!” Jasper ran around the bed and stood next to Abby, “Just tell me. Raven said you can’t say it loudly, she can’t hear where they are.”

Abby chose not to question it and hissed the location in Jasper’s ear. He ran off the moment he had it.

“Clarke, give me a reaper stick.”

Clarke only looked up with a calm expression.

Abby’s heart pounded harder and harder with each one of Raven’s pained no’s.

“Clarke…” Abby begged.

Miller moved to grab one when Clarke caught his wrist and twisted it before shoving him back.

"She hasn't learned her lesson yet."

Chapter Text

Clarke’s detached voice chilled Lexa.

Or maybe it was the cold indifference her face expressed. She had seen Clarke angry, sad, happy, annoyed, and down right murderous, but she had never seen Clarke like this. So devoid of emotion.

Or it could’ve been the way she just stood there as Raven thrashed and screamed. Her Clarke wouldn’t allow that. She had once described Raven as a sister to her, yet she was content to let whatever this was run its course.

Clarke’s head turned slightly to the side and she looked like she was listening intently before she moved towards the reaper stick and held it in her hand.

“Make it stop!” Raven cried out.

She looked over Abby’s shoulder and cried out.

“NO!” One last loud scream rang out before she whimpered, “I submit.”

“No!” A sob then, “Yes! I submit. Please…” One more scream rang out before Raven stilled.

“Raven? Raven!” Abby surged forward and felt for a pulse. She froze as Raven’s eyes opened and she slowly sat up. She was acting odd. Clarke had always described Raven as energetic but she seemed still. She moved in an eerily smooth manner.

“I have full access to Raven’s synaptic network.” Raven said to Clarke, a smirk on her face. “She’s ours.”

Clarke plunged the reaper stick in Abby’s neck and the group watched as she went limp.

“Would anyone else care to join Dr. Griffin?” Alie, from Raven’s body, asked.

Lexa couldn’t tear her eyes away from Clarke’s relaxed expression. She wasn’t looking at any of them. Just contentedly staring off into the distance.

The door opened and Jasper sprinted through.

“I tried to get them but–” He froze at the stare on Raven’s face.

“Raven?”

“Jasper Jordan. You have been a good friend. I hope you’ll join me in the City of Light.”

“I don’t understand. You were just begging us to get that thing out of your head.”

“I was wrong. You can finally see for yourself. All you have to do is–”

Jasper grabbed the rest of the reaper sticks and plunged one into Raven’s neck.

Clarke watched Raven fall and picked up a scalpel.

“No!” Miller and Bellamy jumped forward at the same time. With Harper and Jasper’s help, they quickly subdued Clarke and tied her hands. She continued to thrash and almost got one of her hands free when Jasper used another one of the reaper sticks on her.

“One more.” He grimly held the remaining one up.

“We have to get out of here.” Lexa gently pulled herself off the bed and got to her feet. “We need to sneak out before they catch on.”

“That won’t work. They already know. Raven said they see and hear everything.”

Bellamy looked at the three limp bodies and sighed.

“We have to move now and be ready to fight if it comes to it.” Lexa moved to where Abby had started packing a bag. She reached up and pulled as many supplies as she could from the shelf. Clarke had told her a little about Skaikru medicine, but Lexa had no idea what she was grabbing or how helpful it would be.

Bellamy picked up Clarke and Miller took Abby. Jasper looked around at the room.

“Can you even move?” He asked Lexa.

“I can do what it takes to get us out of here.”

Harper picked up her gun and nodded to Lexa.

“Pulling three bodies through the tunnel is going to take a while.”

“They’ll get us before we make it all the way through.” Bellamy huffed.

“We can take the rover.” Jasper picked up Raven and started moving for the door. He shot an angry glance at the limp body in Bellamy’s arms before steeling himself.

“Someone will see us.” Harper tightened her grip on the gun.

“It doesn’t matter, they already know. It’s closer to the garage than the tunnel.” Miller moved for the door. Harper opened it and they all rushed out of the room.

Lexa ignored the pain in her abdomen and kept pushing onwards. They could treat the pain later, once they were out of danger. So she ignored the pain. Walking slow enough was fine but Lexa knew she’d have to run eventually.

Sure enough, a shout of, “There they are!” Was all that was needed for them to move to a faster pace. With three of them carrying bodies and Lexa’s recent surgery, Harper was the only one of them who could actually run.

“I’ll get it ready to go, hurry!”

As fast as they could go, they managed to get to the garage and load up the three unconscious passengers. Miller and Jasper just barely closed the doors before gunfire started to rain down on the back of the rover.

Harper floored it and the rover lurched into action.

“Hold on!”

Fortunately for them, the rover made it through the fence without losing speed and within seconds they were away from the gates of Arkadia.

They continued along the path for a few minutes. Without even speaking about it, they all knew that Harper was taking a big loop. Just close enough to the blockade that Skaikru wouldn’t follow but far enough and fast enough that the blockade wouldn’t get them.

“Well, Commander, at least you got what you wanted.”

Lexa turned to see Miller retying the restraints on Clarke’s wrist. She made sure to keep her face impassive. Not quite.

_________

The others helped carry them into the cave. Octavia glared at her brother when she undid his restraints and Lexa pretended to not hear her whisper, “Don’t make me regret this.”

As Clarke was restrained, Raven jerked awake. She ran outside into the woods for a minute before the others were able to drag her back. They used the last reaper stick and laid her down.

Abby woke up not long after and was able to get some information out of Jasper.

“She said she needs one of the wristbands we had when we got to the ground. She wanted to shock Alie out of her.”

Should Lexa be concerned that Clarke hadn’t woken up yet? The other two had already got back up.

“Shock Alie out?” Abby mused. “The bands connected to your nervous system. Making them act like an EMP…would it work?”

Sinclair rested his chin in his hand and started nodding to himself. Supposedly debating the problem before looking up.

“It could.”

Clarke was fine. She had to be. Lexa kept an eye on the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Abby had said something about how the reaper stick affects people differently sometimes. It wasn’t bad, it just was what it was.

“Could it give her brain damage?” Abby snuck a concerned glance at Raven.

“I don’t know, but I know Raven wouldn’t go forward with something that would risk her mind. If she thinks this is the best way to go, I trust her.”

She looked so relaxed and Lexa thought back to the times spent in one of their rooms. They had practiced her trig, talked for hours, and, more often than not, Lexa would read and Clarke would sketch. Only once had Lexa caught Clarke drawing her. She wondered where that picture wound up. She wondered if that was the first time Clarke had sketched her or if it was just the time she happened to notice.

We will have that time again, Clarke. I promise.

Nearly dying had helped Lexa realize just how much she wanted to live. Especially with Clarke by her side.

“They destroyed the wristbands as soon as they saw them.” Jasper’s comment brought Lexa’s focus back.

“We don’t have any more.” Abby sighed. Kane placed his arm around her shoulders.

“Can you make one?”

“There’s got to be some–”

“The Skaikru bands?” It was a good thing Lexa had pulled her focus from Clarke otherwise she might not have remembered an obscure detail one of her bounty hunters had mentioned. A trade post near Azgeda that had a Skaikru wristband. One of the hunters overheard something about it and thought Wanheda may have traded it for something. It took another two weeks for Roan to drag Clarke in.

“Yes.” Abby nodded.

“I know where one is.”

“Where?” Sinclair looked hopeful.

She gestured to Clarke and Raven with her chin.

“I will inform the driver. We should load them up.”

Raven and Clarke were restrained in the rover. Lexa sat across from Clarke. She noticed (with relief) that now Clarke was faking her sleep. A good tactic, but she had noticed the change in Clarke’s breathing pattern at the end of their conversation.

Indra, Lincoln, Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, Murphy, Octavia, Sinclair, Kane, and Abby all got in the rover and took off.

“ I know you are awake. ” Lexa spoke in trig. She watched Clarke’s eyes open and looked her in the eyes. “ I trust that anyone who can understand this conversation, will not repeat it. ”

Lincoln, Octavia, and Indra all nodded, “ Yes, Commander. ”

Lexa ignored the suspicious looks she received from the others. She focused on the sharp blue eyes that were locked onto her own.

“ Do you know who I am? Do you remember me? ”

“ Who you are doesn’t matter. Life is about who you can be. You don’t have to do this. You can be better. ”

The conviction in Clarke’s voice sent a shiver down Lexa’s spine, but she only just managed to restrain her eye roll at what Clarke actually said.

“ I want to speak to Clarke. ”

“ You are. ”

“ I am speaking to Alie’s lapdog. I want to speak to my Clarke. ”

“ Your Clarke? ”

“ Can she hear me? ”

Clarke’s head tilted curiously before she nodded.

“ Good. Clarke, I am sorry. I am sorry because I am going to do exactly what you would want instead of rushing in and saving you. You would tell me to save your friends. I know because that is exactly what I would ask for too. I am not giving up on you, I will never give up on you. I will save Raven and she will help us save you, but until then I have to ask for you to do something important. ”

Despite its best efforts, Clarke’s face couldn’t contain the curiosity and as much as Lexa was trying to avoid it, she could almost feel the effort the other trig speakers were putting into ignoring her words. It didn’t matter anyway. Lexa couldn’t hide the way she felt about Clarke. She didn’t want to.

“ Do not fight Alie. I had to watch what it did to Raven and I do not know if I can stand there and watch you scream like that. Please, Clarke, you are a hero to your people, you are a hero to the grounders, you are a hero to me. For once, just let yourself get rescued. You may not remember it, but I have not forgotten the promise I made to you. Do not get hurt more than necessary. ”

Clarke masked her surprise well. After a moment she leaned forward as much as she could.

“ Why can’t you accept that I’m happier without you? ”

Lexa pulled back.

“ Say it again when there is not a spirit whispering in your ear. From what I heard, you were upset when you thought I had died. ”

“ I wasn’t in the City of Light, of course I was upset. ”

Lexa clenched her jaw, but before she could speak again, Clarke looked to the side and seemed to be listening to something before turning her attention back to Lexa.

“ Don’t you always do what’s necessary for your people? ”

Lexa narrowed her eyes but allowed the change in the conversation.

“ Yes. Just like you. ”

“ Then I don’t understand why you are on the other side. The City of Light takes away the pain we feel. Why wouldn’t you want that for your people? ”

“ Pain makes us who we are. ”

“ When I bring your people into the City of Light, I’ll make sure they know you wanted them to suffer. ”

“ Our people. ”

“ Does it matter? ”

“ It does. ”

Lexa switched back to English and addressed the group.

“We need to blindfold Clarke.” After a sly grin slid across Clarke’s face, Lexa amended her statement. “We need to gag and blindfold Clarke.”

“Blindfold?” Abby looked suspicious of Lexa.

“She has been to the place we are heading to. She cannot know where we are.”

They were able to find a few scraps to take care of it and Lexa let them sit in silence until they reached their destination.

“Wait here.”

She hopped out of the rover and made sure the doors were closed before approaching the woman who had been watching the rover pull up. She had her sword out. Lexa ran through her memory trying to recall the name of the woman.

“ What is the meaning of this? ” She snapped in trig.

“ Niylah, yes? ” Lexa waited for her nod before continuing. “ I am sure you do not recognize me, especially wearing Skaikru clothing. I am the commander, Lexa kom Trikru. ”

Niylah analyzed her for a moment before her eyes widened. Even without her usual attire, many of Lexa’s citizens knew who she was. Her description was widely known. Trikru especially would know her description.

“ Heda! What brings you to my trade post? ”

“ I heard that you have a Skaikru band. We need it, but I am prepared to purchase it from you. I do not have much on me, but I will be able to pay you back later. ”

“ Of course, Heda. You may take whatever you need. ”

“Heda!” Bellamy’s voice boomed from the rover. “Raven is waking up!”

“ Do you have a back room we could use? I can explain later, but it is very important that we contain these prisoners. ”

“ Yes. You may take them to my room. ”

Lexa nodded her thanks and went back to the rover. They had found a covering for Clarke’s whole face and Raven was squirming, but not yet awake.

“Take her in and to the back room. Do not let her see where we are until she is in there.”

Lincoln, Bellamy, and Jasper hoisted Raven and ran into the building.

“Take Clarke back there as well.” Giving Lexa something to focus on was dulling the pain in her gut, but it was still there. She carefully followed behind Indra, Octavia, Kane, and Murphy as they all dragged the blonde kicking and screaming into the shelter. Despite her best efforts, four people were too many for Clarke to overpower. They continued to the back room and could hear Raven’s shouts of protest.

“Let me go! Let me go!”

Raven was tied to the bed and frantically pulling on her restraints as she screamed. Lexa ordered Clarke to be tied to a chair in the corner of the room. She pulled the covering off of Clarke’s head. The blindfold and gag still in place.

“Why did you put the cover on her head?”

“She can see through the blindfold.” Murphy drawled.

Lexa sighed and removed it. It wasn’t like it did anything at this point. She was in the back room anyway, Clarke wouldn’t know where they were.

“Bellamy, Jasper, and Murphy, stay here and make sure they don’t get out of their restraints.”

Lexa gestured for the rest of them to follow her.

She collected the wristband from Niylah, and passed it to Sinclair. He and Monty started talking about some technology that she didn’t understand. They didn’t have it here, but Monty volunteered to collect it.

“Octavia, Lincoln, go with him. Hurry back.” Lexa commanded.

They took off towards the door as fast as they could.

Jasper started calling for help. By the time the others had raced into the room, Raven’s shoulder was at an unnatural angle, and Clarke was pulling against her restraints. Putting in enough effort to injure her wrists as she tugged.

“There is no pain in the City of Light.” Raven spoke calmly despite the injury.

Abby tried to cautiously approach Raven, but that plan went out the window as soon as she got too close.

“Get away from me! Get away from me!”

“Raven, stop fighting us.”

“Alie! Alie! Alie! Look at me. I know you can hear this. Why are you doing this to her? Let her go.” Jasper pleaded.

“I will let her go when you give me what I want.” That robotic, not quite human sounding voice was back. “The Grounders have technology that belongs to me. I want it!”

“Whatever it is that you want, you will not receive it if Clarke or Raven die.” Lexa snapped.

They watched Raven’s eyes snap to the end of the bed. She and Clarke stopped struggling at the same time. They relaxed and stared straight ahead.

“Untie her wrist. Hold her steady.” Abby commanded before popping Raven’s shoulder back in place.

“Thank you. I’m glad that despite how bad of a mom you are, you’re a good doctor.”

“Shut up, Alie.” Abby snapped back.

“It’s not Alie, Abby. It’s Raven. And I’m not trying to get to you, I’m just trying to tell you the truth. Because no one else will.”

Abby glared at Raven but seemed to be trying to ignore her.

“Your daughter’s in here with me, Abby. She doesn’t even remember who you are. Fortunately Alie knows. Alie knows that reminding Clarke who you are would only hurt her.”

Abby jumped forward to gag her, but Raven bit her hand and drew blood.

“Something wrong, Abby? I thought you’d be used to the people you love hating you. I’m sure your husband knew who turned him in. He’s a smart man. It’s a shame Clarke didn’t figure it out sooner. Maybe she wouldn’t have spent the last year of her best friend’s life hating him. Teenagers are usually dramatic when they say their parents ruined their life, but I guess you really did, didn’t you?”

“Enjoy the time you have now, Alie! You won’t last much longer!” Abby tried to sound strong, but was met with Raven’s triumphant smirk. She could hear the strain in Abby’s voice. Alie had gotten to her.

“We’ll kill you!” Abby screamed as Indra and Kane pulled her back. They dragged her out of the room.

After calming down, Abby went back in to treat Clarke’s wrists. The moment her binds were loosened, Clarke shot off like a cannon. She ripped off her gag and attacked anyone who got close. Murphy and Bellamy were able to get her back in the chair and held her while they tied her back up.

“Let me go!”

Clarke managed to headbutt Murphy who grabbed his nose and started swearing over Clarke’s laugh.

“Everyone out!” Lexa’s voice rose above the commotion. “Jasper, Bellamy, stay and make sure they do not hurt themselves.”

Lexa was the last to shuffle out of the room. She risked one last glance at Clarke, who had a sinister grin on her face. A shiver ran down Lexa’s spine before she turned away. The sooner they got that thing out of her head, the better.

Clarke and Raven locked eyes, they seemed to be having a silent conversation until both of them turned to face the same spot in the room. They listened intently and only offered vague yes or no answers to the entity Jasper and Bellamy couldn’t see. Eventually they turned away and seemed to settle into their respective resting places.

Bellamy could feel the unease growing inside of him. He didn’t like the silence, but sooner than he wanted, he was let in on their thoughts.

“Look at your united front. Tell me, why do you give Bellamy a pass for murdering your girlfriend? What was her name?” Clarke said it so casually. As if the whole ordeal had just been as normal as a lunch with friends.

“Don’t talk about Maya.” Jasper rose to the bait so Bellamy turned towards him. He needed to rein him in.

“You don’t have to listen to this.”

“Let’s protect Jasper.” This time Raven decided to poke the bear. “Jasper’s so sensitive. Jasper’s lost someone. Everyone, cater to his feelings. We’ve all lost someone. You don’t see us falling apart. You don’t see us getting wasted. Being useless.”

“No, you took a pill to take your pain away. You gave up your memories.”

“But then, why should we expect anything more? You used to get high off people’s medicine. Being a selfish loser was your only move.”

“Stop.”

“That’s all we see when we look at you.” Clarke’s voice was cold. The underlying comfort she put in her words a mere memory. “A coward. A waste of breath. Why do you even bother living? You’re weak. Pathetic. You can’t save Raven. You can’t even save yourself. You couldn't save what’s-her-name.”

“You know her name!” Jasper

“Jasper, think. It’s not them talking. And you’re giving her what she wants. Go.” Bellamy

Jasper glared once more at Clarke, his fists flexing. Clarke leaned forward a slight smile on her lips, daring him to challenge her.

“Leave, Jasper!” Bellamy snapped.

He left the room with a scowl.

Bellamy sat in silence and watched Clarke and Raven both eerily turn to the corner of the room at the same time. He swallowed nervously but Bellamy knew there was nothing he could do to distract them both from their master. He listened carefully to their side of the conversation. Hopefully he could figure something out from their responses. They’re too smart to feed me information like that. It’ll either be a trap or already in play and there’s nothing we could do to stop it.

“We are working on getting reinforcements to you, but Monty is clever. He released horses at Arkadia and Harper disabled the other rover. For now we need to maintain their suspicions so they will keep you here.”

Clarke snuck a dark glare at Bellamy. He clenched his jaw and shifted slightly in his seat as she growled out her response.

“I agree.”

Alie smiled slightly.

“Continue to fight as soon as they give you a chance. For now, keep them off balance, much like you have been doing.

“Under no circumstance can they have either of you. If we can not arrive in time, you are to kill yourself or the other to make sure they do not learn what you know.”

“I understand.” Raven nodded confidently.

“Of course.” Clarke said with as much conviction as Raven.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes but subtlety took a deep breath. Right now he had to focus on keeping his calm.

“Once our people arrive, we need to remove the Flame from the Commander. If Clarke’s memories are accurate, we may be able to secure it tonight.”

Clarke frowned slightly before mentally shaking away the insecurity. If she forgot, it means it was painful. It was just a good thing Alie could remember her pain for her. If someone had to use it, Clarke was happy it wasn’t her.

Bellamy spotted a frown on Clarke’s face. It was gone just as soon as it appeared, but it was more than the cold disinterest or calculating anger that Clarke had been wearing since Alie took over.

“The moment you have an opportunity, if you get one, finish off the Commander.”

Clarke and Raven nodded.

Alie watched them for a moment before she issued one last statement that would’ve caused their friends to panic, but Clarke and Raven just nodded in understanding. She needed to make sure that the others wouldn’t move against her. Their confidence never waved. No matter what Alie asked of them, they were more than happy to deliver.

Alie waited for a while longer to allow Bellamy to find a false comfort in the silence before she nodded to Clarke.

“I’m glad you’re here, Bellamy. I’m not sure anyone else could handle the two of us.” Clarke smirked at him before intentionally dropping her eyes to his lips.

Raven mirrored Clarke’s actions and leaned in.

“C’mon, Bell. We all know you have a thing for Clarke.”

“I don’t.” He finally defended himself and immediately regretted it.

“You don’t?” Clarke deepened her voice slightly and leaned closer. “It’s not nice to lie to people, Bell.”

“Yeah, Clarke, you’re hot. I wanted to sleep with you back at the dropship, but I wanted to sleep with everyone. You’re not special.” It was true. Although it took him longer than he wanted to admit, Bellamy was over Clarke. He knew they would never work. If there was even a chance for them it would have to come much, much later. He was still grieving Gina, and Clarke was friends with the Commander. The Commander who betrayed them.

He was sure she had to be better than the monster he had made her out to be, but Bellamy didn’t understand her. Didn’t understand how Clarke did. It didn’t matter. Clarke was his friend . His best friend . That’s all they would be and Bellamy had accepted that a while ago.

“Of course I’m special, Bell.” Clarke practically purred. “I said no. ”

And definitely not this Clarke. Not this manipulative version of her. It gave him an uneasy feeling as she undressed him with her eyes.

“Honestly, Clarke, I’m just surprised you remember me.” It was a desperate bid to change the topic and she knew it. Clarke sat back in the chair, her face too triumphant for his liking.

“Why?”

Bellamy shifted uncomfortably

“I betrayed you. I can’t even count how many times we’ve fought. I’m sure some of your worst memories are associated with me or the things we’ve done.”

Clarke shrugged casually. “I guess you don’t mean enough to me for it to actually hurt.”

Ouch. Yeah, that hurt. Bellamy masked his pain well, but Raven and Clarke smiled at each other.

Perfect. Even when those two aren’t controlled by an AI those expressions mean trouble.

“Lighten up, Bellamy,” Raven piped up. “We’ve had our fun together. Haven’t we? It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it. Usually not much to talk about, anyway. But I do have one question. Does it bother you that you don’t get any credit for the genocide at Mount Weather?”

“The Commander of Death.” Clarke sucked in a proud breath and turned Raven. “He murdered all those people, too, but they just forget about my little sidekick, don’t they?”

“Then again…he didn’t get any credit for the culling on the Ark, either. How many people suffocated when he threw away my radio?”

Clarke hummed while she thought. Bellamy glanced at the door and wanted to leave, but he couldn’t leave these two to their own devices.

“You know, at least I was saving my own people. You were just saving your own ass. Of course, that’s nothing…compared to killing your own mom. You just had to take little sister to her first dance. You might as well have just shoved Aurora out of the airlock yourself. Do you think she would be proud of you now? For the kind of leader you’ve become? Or would she see the truth like the rest of us do?”

“And what’s that, Clarke?” Raven’s eyes darted to Bellamy, but he was avoiding their gaze as best as he could.

“I lied to you, Bellamy. When I said I didn’t think you were a monster. You are. Even your little sister, who looked up to you her whole life, knows it. Why else do you think she can’t stand you anymore?”

“I guess it’s good Gina died in Mouth Weather, huh, Bellamy? She never saw what you became.” That caught his attention. Bellamy’s fiery eyes flicked over to Raven.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He was trying to remind himself, but it didn’t work. Raven did know. That’s how she and Clarke were hurting him so much. They knew exactly what they were saying. But they didn’t mean it. Couldn’t mean it.

“You’re wrong, Raven. He was a monster before that.”

_________

Lexa grit her teeth and tried to calm herself down. She had finally found some more appropriate clothes for her position. By the time she had cleaned up, allowed Abby to check on her wound again, and changed Bellamy was in there alone with the two of them.

Lexa had been nervous, but she knew she couldn’t go in there. Alie could use Clarke against her, and even though Clarke wasn’t in her right mind, she would always be upset over what she would say to Lexa in this state. Lexa knew it because if she had intentionally used all of the things Clarke had trusted to her to hurt her, Lexa wouldn’t be able to forgive herself. So she stayed just outside the door. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

She heard Clarke and Raven talk to Alie. Not unexpected, but it was unfortunate that they didn’t provide anything useful. Silence returned to the room and Lexa convinced herself that she should go check to see if Monty, Lincoln, and Octavia were back from the dropship yet. Until Clarke spoke up again.

“I’m glad you’re here, Bellamy. I’m not sure anyone else could handle the two of us.”

Lexa clenched her fist and leaned her head back against the wall.

Great. Alie’s going to make my girlfriend–my frien–the girl I lik–love (just admit it, Lexa. Clarke can’t hear you) flirt with him. Of course .

“C’mon, Bell. We all know you have a thing for Clarke.” Lexa could hear the smirk in Raven’s voice and couldn’t restrain her eye roll.

“I don’t.” You better remember that.

“You don’t? It’s not nice to lie to people, Bell.” Clarke’s voice had lowered slightly and Lexa found herself creeping a little closer to the door.

“Yeah, Clarke, you’re hot. I wanted to sleep with you back at the dropship, but I wanted to sleep with everyone. You’re not special.” Oh, you idiot. She is special, and you know it. Don’t you dare do a thing about it, though.

“Of course I’m special, Bell.” Lexa had to take a deep breath and remind herself that all this was, was a game. “I said no. ”

Great. Lexa didn’t know self-restraint until she forced herself to not barge in there. She took a shuddering breath.

“Heda!” Indra’s voice softly called from the front.

Lexa pulled herself away. It was probably for the best. If she listened to this much longer, it was going to drive her crazy. She managed to keep her excitement in check when the group of three walked back in the door.

“Got it.” Monty held up the device with a happy gleam in his eyes. 

Sinclair smiled for a second before snatching it out of Monty’s hands and finishing the device he was building.

“Is that all you needed? We have to save Raven as soon as we can.” Lexa commanded.

“What?” Murphy blinked in surprise.

“We’re not even going to talk about saving Clarke first?” Abby seemed furious. Lexa tamped down the urge to yell at her. Clarke had told her how much her relationship with her mother hurt her. She was hoping they would be able to make it better, but Lexa was mad that Abby thought she had a say in this. After all she had done, who was she to demand things for Clarke?

“No, because Clarke would not allow it.” Lexa practically growled, but it had no effect on Abby who took a step closer.

“You’ve been asking for her this whole time. We all know she’s the only one of us you actually trust and you won’t even consider helping her?”

“What do you think I am doing?” Lexa saw the others tense. They were ready to jump in at a moment’s notice. “If we get Raven back, she can help us get Clarke back. If we get Clarke back, she does not know how to make another device like that. All of that is beside the point because if we asked Clarke, she would tell us to save Raven first. You know it, I know it. Your daughter has done a lot to take care of her people. She would be the first to make this call.”

Abby slumped and pulled away. Her face fell and she became more vulnerable. Kane came up beside her and pulled her in close.

“I care about both of them.” Abby sobbed.

“I know. I do, too, but we can’t save them both right now. We can only give ourselves the best chance later on.” Kane soothed. He nodded to Sinclair who practically ran into the other room.

As soon as he came in with the device, Raven and Clarke’s eyes snapped to it.

“No.” Clarke snarled.

They started struggling against their bonds.

Sinclair and Monty got next to Raven and started hooking her up to the machine. Octavia and Lincoln joined forces with Jasper and Abby to hold Raven down. Meanwhile Bellamy, Kane, Murphy, and Indra tried to keep a furious Clarke at bay. She thrashed so hard against the ropes that she nearly toppled the chair. Bellamy leaned closer and put more of his weight on her to hold her down. The others were doing the same. Unaware that Clarke had gotten so strong while surviving on her own.

“Hurry!” Lexa shouted. Surely Clarke would calm down when there was nothing she could stop.

Sinclair hit something and looked at Raven expectantly but she continued to fight against them.

“It doesn’t have enough charge! I need a battery!”

“The rover has one!” Monty went to move, but Raven had managed to grab his collar. She was trying to pull him closer but Jasper was there to stop her.

“On it!” Bellamy rushed out of the room.

Lexa took his place next to Clarke. Clarke’s eyes flicked over her shoulder. Lexa saw Raven’s eyes focus on the same point.

Great. The puppet master is back.

A thud caught Lexa’s attention and she turned to see Raven crashing her head against the wall.

“No!” Abby jumped forward and, along with Octavia, did her best to stop it. Bellamy came in and passed the battery to Sinclair.

Lexa’s quick distraction was all Clarke needed to make use of the knife she had snatched off Bellamy when he got too close. She freed herself from her bindings and charged towards Raven.

Bellamy stood in her way, but Clarke flipped the knife and drove it into his leg. It wouldn’t kill, but it would hurt. Their pain would distract them, grief would motivate them. Killing any of them wouldn’t help her reach her goal.

Clarke pulled her arm back to throw the knife at Raven but was stopped by Lexa.

Lexa didn’t look panicked. More like she was annoyed that Clarke had made a scene. Clarke hardly knew anything about the commander, but she remembered the advice Alie gave her for taking on the commander.

“Do you miss having me all tied up?” Clarke looked up at Lexa through her eyelashes and dropped her voice slightly.

Suddenly, Lexa was very, very glad that most of the others were distracted by Raven. Murphy was the only other in earshot. He blinked in surprise and looked at Lexa.

“She’s talking about the chair!” Lexa barked and jerked her chin at where Clarke had been contained.

“Sure she is.”

“Sure I am.”

“Shut up!” Lexa hissed at Clarke.

Clarke turned to hit Lexa but was caught by Murphy. Lexa’s reflexes kicked in and she pulled away sharply. She felt a pinch in her abdomen and remembered what Clarke told her about how stitches can be ripped out. Great.

Raven cried out and slumped in the bed.

“No!” Clarke shouted. She launched towards Lexa and tried to get the knife in the back of her neck. Fortunately, Indra and Kane helped Murphy hold her back while she growled at Lexa like a wild animal.

“It’s not yours! Give it to me!”

“What?”

Clarke just pulled and fought against them as they managed to remove the knife and tie her back up to the chair.

Lexa turned to Raven, she must know what Clarke was talking about, but saw her still unconscious.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know! It should have worked! He threw one of the chips on the table and pulled Monty over.

“Maybe it has to be taken out somehow? Maybe it’s still in her and that’s how she remains connected to Alie. The question is, where is it and how do we get it out?” Sinclair paced with hands in his hair. He let out a sigh before turning back to the chip.

Lexa froze. She moved closer and picked up the chip. Without her even realizing it, her other hand lifted to the back of her neck. She felt the scar under her fingers. For a brief moment, she remembered Clarke tracing her tattoos but pushed that away.

“Commander?” Kane eyed her curiously.

Lexa turned to Abby. “Where is your healer’s knife?”

Chapter Text

Abby’s eyes squinted for a moment as if trying to peer into Lexa’s mind and figure out what she meant. Her eyes widened again in understanding and she retrieved a scalpel from her med kit.

“This?”

“Yes, the back of her neck.” Lexa pulled her hair over to her right shoulder and ran her finger down the scar once more to show Abby.

“What–”

“Just do it.”

Abby regarded Lexa nervously for a minute before conceding. She cautiously cut the back of Raven’s neck like the commander had shown her. She brought up some cloth to wipe away the blood while they all watched a silvery, goopy substance flow out of the wound.

“What is that?” Bellamy looked nervous.

“It must be whatever’s left of the chip.” Sinclair grabbed Raven’s hand and leaned closer. The relief obvious on his face.

Raven started coughing and let out a groan.

“Hey.” Sinclair gently rubbed her good shoulder as Abby continued to carefully clean up the blood.

Raven blinked her eyes open and winced the moment she moved. “Ow.”

Abby put her hands on Raven’s bad arm to support her. “Get her up. Come on.”

Raven let a small hiss out at the pain and leaned into the support of the people she considered her family.

“I never thought I’d be so happy to see someone in pain.” Octavia couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

Raven allowed herself a chuckle before that hurt her too. “Ow.”

Relief made itself known in Lexa’s mind. Raven got out of it which meant they could save Clarke as well.

Clarke who had suddenly gone silent when Raven woke up.

Lexa turned and saw the smug expression on her girlfriend–no, just the woman she can’t deny she’s madly in love with–’s face. Even when Clarke had the knife it didn’t scare Lexa as much as that look did.

Raven winced again before she saw Lexa eyeing Clarke and her face turned fearful.

“We have to leave. Now.”

“What?” Lexa tore her eyes from Clarke to face Raven.

“Alie knows where we are. Her people are going to be here any second.”

Clarke’s smirk widened.

“This is your fault, Raven. If you never tried to leave us, you would still be safe. Now you’ll be the first to die.”

Hurt flashed across Raven’s face. Followed quickly by guilt. Lexa frowned and was about to ask when Monty cut her off.

“That woman, Niylah, is she chipped?”

“If she was, I'd already be dead.” Raven muttered without taking her eyes off of her currently psychopathic best friend.

Raven started trying to scoot off the bed wincing the whole way. Lexa respected the strength to move despite the pain. Her abdomen was starting to ache, but like Raven she knew she would have to soldier on until they got to a calmer place.

“We’re in her bedroom. How do they know where we are?” Octavia reached out to help Raven whose eyes flicked to Clarke again. This time with more exasperation. It hit Lexa and she unintentionally clenched her jaw.

“Clarke.”

Raven swallowed and nodded slightly.

“How does she know? I thought we had her eyes covered as we came in here.” Abby asked.

“You did.” Abby started making a quick sling for Raven as she listened to her response. “She didn’t recognize the building, she recognized the room.”

“What? How?” At that Abby stopped and faced Raven head on.

Clarke’s laugh echoed in the room and she seemed genuinely delighted at Abby’s confusion.

“Let’s just say I had a good night here.” Her condescending tone and sarcastic attitude made Abby’s jaw drop. “How do you think I immediately recognized her bedroom? We had sex, doc.”

Abby’s mouth opened and closed for a couple of moments and Lexa saw a few of the others blink in surprise.

“You–I didn’t–I mean it doesn’t matter I still lov–”

“Save it, doc. I don’t want or care about your validation. Honestly, I thought all of you knew.” Her eyes swept over the others and stopped for a fraction of a second on Lexa before offering the corner her full attention.

“Of course.” She said, turning back to them.

Raven swallowed. Had she looked that scary when she spoke to Alie? She knew what Alie was doing, feeding Clarke memories so she could throw them back at her friends like a knife. It took a skilled hand to twist the knife just right and unfortunately for them, Clarke was very skilled at doing just that.

She looked right at Monty and he took a step back.

“Your girlfriend knows.”

“My what?”

“Oh, come on, Monty. I’ve seen you making eyes at Harper.” Clarke leaned forward with an excited glint in her eyes. “You can ask her how she knows, but I’ll give you a little hint. Niylah was not my first.”

Monty’s eyes widened in surprise and disappointment filled his face. Lexa remembered Harper though. Clarke told her about a one night stand with someone on the Ark. Clarke had mentioned that since arriving on the ground she noticed the girl getting close with one of their friends who liked her as well. Clarke had been happy for the two of them. Lexa reminded herself to tell Monty about this. Not for his sake, but for Clarke’s. She would be upset if she scared Monty away from Harper because he thought she wasn’t interested in men.

“Niylah, though.” Clarke let out a dreamy sigh. Lexa could feel the jealous heat rising and closed her eyes to center herself. “Niylah was a surprise.”

Yes, she was. Lexa couldn’t help the bitter thought.

Almost as if reading her mind, Clarke’s eyes were on hers. “I told you that you we–”

“Shut up.” Lexa snapped. She knew exactly where that was going to go and didn’t want the details of their situation (relationship?) to get out without Clarke’s consent.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, Clarke did shut up.

Lexa was glad that they didn’t have to continue the conversation, but was annoyed that Alie’s people were here.

In seconds everything descended into chaos. Clarke managed to get her chair off the ground with just enough height for her to lean in back and shatter the back legs against the floor. She stood up with blood on her arms where the broken chair had cut her and a terrifying look in her eyes.

She picked up pieces of the chair and swung them in her hands.

There may not have been many sparing lessons, but suddenly Lexa regretted each one she gave Clarke. As delighted as she had been at the time, all she felt now was annoyance at the knowledge that Clarke happened to be a very quick study.

“Give me Reyes and you may all walk away.”

Lexa repressed a shudder at Clarke’s deathly tone. Objectively, Lexa knew Clarke was a dangerous woman. She was smart, and certainly not an enemy you would want to have. However, this was the first time Lexa actually worried she may die by Clarke’s hand, if only because she wasn’t sure she could hurt the blonde.

“No.”

Kane and Murphy were carefully lifting Raven off the bed. Lincoln supported Bellamy and the others drew their weapons. They could hear Alie’s people shouting and surrounding them. If they waited much longer, this was going to turn into a bloodbath.

Sinclair and Monty dashed out of the room before anyone could stop them.

“Hurry! We’re prepping the rover!” Monty called, but Lexa was still focused on Clarke.

“Give her to us!” Clarke growled and charged towards them.

On instinct, Lexa dodged Clarke’s first attack. She jerked sharply to the side and felt a pull on her injury. Clarke anticipated the move and used her new position to elbow Lexa in the face.

Clarke may have been a quick study, but Lexa was the best warrior in the coalition. She took the hit to the face and used the momentum to get under Clarke’s guard and pull her down with her. They landed on the floor hard.

Both women took and gave some hits before a shot went off. Lexa immediately covered Clarke’s body with hers until Octavia pulled her off.

“No!” Lexa tried to get back down to Clarke but Octavia kept hold of her. Jasper held a gun in one hand and helped Octavia pull Lexa with the other.

Clarke tried to prop herself up, but her blood made the floor slick underneath her.

“Clarke!” Lexa felt panic rise up when she saw the gunshot wound on Clarke’s arm. “Are you okay?”

“Lexa, her people will take care of her. We have to go.”

“No! No, Clarke!”

“Sorry.” Octavia muttered. She punched Lexa in the gut. Lexa’s vision blackened as pain from her injury and Octavia’s unfortunately powerful hit radiated up through her body.

Octavia capitalized on that moment of weakness and pulled Lexa out of the room. Jasper and Octavia pulled her into the rover. She fought the whole way, but it was futile.

“No! NO! Clarke!”

The rover sped away before the doors were able to close. Lexa saw Clarke run out of Niylah’s home, covered in blood, and raging. The doors were yanked shut and the last thing Lexa saw was Clarke lowering her gun and raising her chin. The message was clear.

This isn’t over.

_________

Everything ached. Her head was killing her and any time she moved, something throbbed. Her legs, her hips, her head, her shoulder. Abby only had a second to get her situated before Octavia and Jasper dragged Lexa in.

Raven sucked in a breath when she saw the dark blood running down from Lexa’s stomach and the desperate look in her eyes.

She was screaming Clarke’s name then stopped. She watched for a moment and swallowed.

“Clarke…” Lexa’s voice broke. The doors slammed shut and her eyes stayed focused on the windows. Her eyes fluttered shut before she passed out.

“Bring her over here.” They shuffled around so Lexa was laid out in the back of the rover. Abby knelt over her and applied pressure to the wound.

“She pushed herself too hard after surgery. Let’s get back to the cave. We need to regroup with the others and find a new place to hide out.”

“No, that cave was safe. She didn’t know where it was.” Raven took a deep breath and focused on anything other than the bumpy road they were traveling on. “We can go back there.”

“They’ve seen it, though. If they get someone who recognizes the area, they’ll know where to find us.” Indra didn’t fully understand the AI, but after watching Clarke–someone she had grown to respect–lose it, she was starting to realize just how dangerous this new threat was.

“It’s safe for now.” Kane argued.

Raven nodded her agreement and leaned her head back.

The next time Raven opened her eyes, she was propped up in the cave.

Abby had made her sling more secure and got a makeshift brace settled around her leg. The blood had been cleaned from her body. Lexa was leaned up against the cave wall across from her.

The others were arguing, but Raven looked at Lexa. The commander met her gaze.

‘You okay?’ Lexa mouthed.

Raven blinked in surprise. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but concern from the commander definitely wasn’t it.

‘Yeah. You?’

Lexa nodded, but Raven noticed her jaw was clenched.

Clarke loved her . Raven remembered. If the way she acted when they were leaving was any indication, Lexa loved Clarke as well.

“You’re awake!” Abby rushed over and started checking on Raven. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

The others gathered around them. Once Abby had stopped fussing over Raven it became clear they were ready for some answers and Raven was the only one who could give them.

Raven opened her mouth to start talking but saw Lexa trying to stand. I’m pretty sure she shouldn’t be doing that with a gunshot wound.

Abby followed her line of sight and frowned at Lexa.

“Sit.”

Lexa stared up at Abby in disbelief.

“Did you just order Heda–”

“I ordered my patient to stay sitting.” Lexa looked like she was about to argue but Indra shot her a glare. Lexa scoffed and sat back against the wall. She started scowling to herself and Raven held in a laugh. She looked like a scolded kid. Oh, Raven was definitely going to start teasing her when she and Clarke got together. Were they already together? They were certainly acting like a couple.

“Raven?” Abby prompted gently.

Lexa, however, had no such grace. “Why was Alie trying to kill you?” The kicked puppy look was replaced with an angry commander. Lame. Raven was hoping to deal with lovesick Lexa not Heda.

“Because I know how to stop her.”

Everyone straightened up and looked at each other hopefully.

“We can’t, though. Not yet.”

“What do you mean, ‘not yet’?” Lexa practically snarled.

Raven subconsciously sat up straighter. Lexa really was not going to like this.

“Before you guys came in with the EMP, Alie gave us a message to pass on. Both of us knew how to stop her, so if you guys got either one of us, you’d be able to take her out. She said that if we go for the kill switch, she’ll have Clarke kill herself before we can even touch it.”

Raven watched Lexa carefully. She knew what Clarke and Alie had passed along, but she didn’t know Lexa. She knew the ruthless commander who had ordered Finn’s execution. It was hard to compare that force of a person to the young woman desperately trying to hide her heartbreak.

Lexa looked up and blinked a few times. Holding back tears, Raven realized. It worked, she didn’t see any actually fall on her cheeks.

“What if we get her back? We can tie her up and she will not be able to kill herself.” Raven was already shaking her head before Lincoln had finished.

“No, she can go to the City of Light and if she dies there, she’ll die here.”

“What about–”

“Alie could kill her at any second.” Lexa took a few breaths and looked up at Raven. “Right?”

It wasn’t a question, but Raven knew more about irrational hope than just about anyone. Heda was hoping there was some way to stop this. Some way to make sure Clarke was okay. Oh, yeah. She definitely fell for that Griffin charm.

“Yes.”

“What if we sedate her?” Abby tried again.

Raven shook her head. “The only shot we have is to get Alie out of her head and Alie knows it. She’s not going to make it easy.”

“Can we make another EMP?” Monty brought over what he had of the EMP to show it to Raven.

“Yeah, I can do it.”

“What happens when we get her back?” Raven noticed Lexa said when and not if .

“Becca Franko created Alie. Almost a century ago. She made another AI after that called the Flame.”

Lexa reached her hand up and touched the back of her neck. Raven nodded at her.

“It’s…”

“Yeah, it’s not the same as Alie, though. It’s not allowed to hurt people and is meant to enhance the mind it works with. It can’t control you like she does or change who you are.”

Lexa looked thoroughly freaked out and everyone else looked thoroughly confused.

“Where is it?”

Raven nodded at Lexa. “In her head.”

“The spirit of the commanders?” Indra slowly connected the dots, but still didn’t quite understand how the spirit of the commanders could be like the technology Skaikru relied on.

“Yes.” Lexa surprised Raven by responding. “The flame is passed from one commander to another after death. It contains their spirit.”

Raven wasn’t going to try to explain how the chip does in fact download the ‘spirit’ of the commanders so she just nodded in agreement.

Lexa looked up sharply. “I know how to beat her. Well, Pramheda knows how to beat her.”

“Pramheda?” Kane asked.

“The first commander.” Indra answered, but kept her eyes on Lexa.

“Becca Franko.” Raven said it like a statement, but Lexa read her unasked question. She nodded.

“How?” Abby asked.

“I shouldn’t say what I have to do. If one of us gets caught, I do not want Alie to know our plan. Does she know how I shut it down?”

Raven shook her head with a smile. “She just knows that the Flame can defeat her. It can also give her exactly what she needs to get everyone to the City of Light.”

“Isn’t she already getting them there?”

Raven nodded and paused. She didn’t want to have to admit what she had done, but it’s not like she knew what she was doing at the time. That’s not right, she knew exactly what she was doing. Chill, Reyes. You can take care of the guilt after you get Clarke out of the mess you made.

“Yes, but you–there’s something you have to understand about Alie. She only makes decisions based on logic. It doesn’t matter how people would react, the outcome is the only thing that matters.

“The more minds she has with her in the City of Light the more knowledge she has. Alie uses what they know to make decisions, but acting with pure logic doesn’t always work. She doesn’t realize that people will be angry or upset by her decisions. Alie just thinks the most logical outcome is what everyone will like.

“I–I was the one who told her that wouldn’t work. I told her she needed a leader, someone who knew how to balance decisions and overlook the logic to choose the best option. She wanted Kane, but we knew he wouldn’t take the chip. We had Jaha so we were just going to use him, but Clarke came back to Arkadia. I told Alie that Clarke was exactly what we needed.”

“You convinced her to take the chip?” Monty asked.

Raven shook her head and swallowed down her guilt.

“As soon as she walked in, she punched Pike and landed herself in solitary to cool off. I knew if Clarke heard anything about the chips she wouldn’t take one so I had to get to her before she was out.”

Bellamy sighed and scrubbed his face. “You brought her food. You said Abby sent you with food and you missed your–”

“Sister. I knew that would get you.”

Bellamy looked at his feet and Octavia seemed to be looking anywhere but him.

“She thought it was candy. I told her it would make her feel better. That she’d be happy. She thought I was just being dramatic, but eventually I got her to take it.”

Raven sighed.

“I was right. I knew Clarke would be valuable, but I didn’t know how much she actually knew. She realized where the Flame was and said we’d have to wait until the next commander was chosen. Alie didn’t know you were alive until we saw you in the operating room. Clarke still doesn’t know who you are.”

“She said some…things like she knew.” Raven could hear the hopeful tone the commander was trying to hide.

“Anything she said was information given by Alie. No matter what Alie had said, Clake wouldn’t have any attachment to what she learned. She can’t.”

“You did.” Jasper cut in.

“Yeah, and Alie learned from that. When she gave Clarke information she prevented Clarke from feeling emotion. She can’t do that all the time or her reasoning would be compromised, but she knew better than to give Clarke anything that would turn her against Alie.”

“Does that make Clarke the mastermind?” Jasper spat. “If she’s making all of these decisions, is Alie really still in charge?”

“Look, Jasper, I know you’re not Clarke’s biggest fan, but you need to realize she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s being manipulated like the rest of them. Clarke is a very important tool for Alie, but Alie is in charge. She gives orders and an end goal. She’s just using Clarke to chart the most efficient way to achieve that goal.”

“And what is that?” Lexa asked.

“To bring everyone into the City of Light, she thinks tha–”

“No, what is the most efficient way to achieve her goal?” Lexa was practically snarling and Raven felt herself scoot just a little closer to the wall behind her. If she didn’t like how Alie was using Clarke with that explanation, she wasn’t going to like this either.

“Clarke leads them there. That’s why she killed Pike. Alie saw him as insignificant, but Clarke said that if we removed him from power, took over his people, capitalized on how some people were feeling abandoned by Abby and Kane, and put in a leader to unite the two groups, it would expedite the process. She was right. Alie got control over Arkadia faster than she had expected.

“Alie uses logic and Clarke knows when to play with the variables.”

“So that’s it? She’s taken Arkadia.”

“Yeah, but she’s not done. Clarke told her to focus on Arkadia before expanding. She said the weapons and resources would be invaluable.

“They’re moving on to the other clans, and Clarke is going to use her power as Wanheda to get them to take the chip.”

Raven watched the faces around her all slowly become horrified. If they didn’t act fast, everything was going to fall.

_________

“I need you to state it clearly, Clarke. You must understand exactly what it is you are to do.”

Clarke nodded at Alie. Her serene expression would have unsettled anyone not under Alie’s control, but fortunately none of those nuisances were here right now. This was too important for anyone to interrupt.

“I am to submit to you.”

“Good. Why?”

“Right now I just advise you, I will follow you and execute any order you give me. This would allow me to become more. My mind and yours will be one. I will be an extension of you and will allow you to have a body when you communicate with those who deny your vision.”

“Good. Do you understand what this means you are giving up?”

“I do.”

“Say it.”

“I can no longer make choices. I will have no resistance against your will.”

That hadn’t been a worry for Alie until Raven had defied her. She hadn’t understood why Raven had fought against her just so she could feel pain. Clarke was a worry before she had even joined the City of Light and now with Raven gone, Alie couldn’t afford to lose Clarke too.

This would be done differently than with Raven which was good. Last time took too long and they had no time to waste.

She wasn’t giving Clarke back her memories beforehand, but Clarke would relive them all when Alie uploaded Clarke’s consciousness. She couldn’t handle more than one mind with her at a time. Connecting minds and putting blocks inside of people was different than containing an entire person.

She had been able to upload information to make Raven even more useful than before and Alie now would have the same opportunity with Clarke.

Still, Alie couldn’t override free will unless they offered it willingly. This couldn’t be bypassed with the dubious consent Alie had managed to secure from Clarke when she took the Flame, she had to know what it had meant. Raven had her memories so Alie could just ask, without allowing Clarke her memories, she had to be careful or it would fail and she would lose Clarke.

“Do you understand the risks?”

“Yes, I will likely have brain damage.”

“Do you accept the risks?”

This was it. Technically speaking Clarke could say no. She knew enough to know how dangerous this was, but Alie prodded her along. She had managed to learn a few tricks from Raven.

“This is the best way to save everyone. Not just your people, Clarke. This may be difficult for you, but it will save them all.”

“I bear it so they don’t have to.” Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment as if questioning where that came from.

“Yes.”

“I accept.”

“Say it.”

“I submit.”

Immediately a scream tore itself out of Clarke’s throat and she collapsed on the floor. She clutched her head and dragged in ragged breaths before the next round of screaming started.

“No! NO!” She sobbed.

Alie watched her let out one last scream as she arched against the pain. It wouldn’t help her escape what was in her own mind. It was too late anyhow.

Clarke mechanically rose up from the floor. She got to her own feet with a serene look on her face.

“Let’s get to work.”

________

The others were slowly driving Lexa insane.

Some were sleeping (Lexa liked them best when they were doing that and keeping quiet), some were pacing, some had finally given up on asking the same rephrased questions again and again, and some were still discussing possible solutions. It didn’t matter, Lexa was the one to make the final decision. They couldn’t shut down the City of Light without her and she wasn’t going to do it until Clarke was safe.

She and Raven had been relocated to a more private alcove that was a little closer to the fire. Anytime Lexa even tried to stand Abby was there shaking her head. Lexa really didn’t know how the older Griffin knew, but it was like she could read her mind. Eventually Lexa opted to cooperate and had been sitting in companionable silence with the mechanic ever since.

The others had migrated further from them the longer the night went on and Lexa finally felt some peace. Not enough to actually make her feel better, but enough that sleep was now a possibility.

“So, you and Clarke, huh?”

And there goes the peace.

Lexa leveled a look at Raven that perfectly conveyed her ‘ Really? ’

Raven raised her hands as if surrendering.

“Hey, no judgment here. From what I saw, Clarke is head over heels for you.”

Lexa felt the blush creep up her cheeks and she swallowed nervously.

Could she see Clarke’s memories? Did she see us–have our people seen us in bed?!

“Whoa, hey! Calm down. I probably could’ve phrased that better. I meant with Clarke before I gave her the chip and the little Alie told me. But I guess that reaction answers my next question.” A conspiratorial smirk lit up her face.

“Your next question?” NO! Why would you ask? You idiot!

“If you two were together.”

Lexa’s cheeks darkened again. “No, we–well, once, but–I mean we are not–I have not asked–”

Raven laughed. Lexa quieted and glared at her. Murphy sauntered over and dropped down near the both of them.

“Discussing Clarke’s affair with the commander, are we?” He drawled.

“We are not.” Lexa growled at the same time Raven spoke.

“Care to join us?

“Don’t worry, Commander. Some of the others have caught on but won’t say anything and some,” he coughed, “Abby, are too blind to see what’s right in front of them.”

“That the commander is in love with her daughter?” Raven prodded.

“Maybe, but I know she doesn’t realize Clarke’s in love with Lexa.”

“As soon as everyone realized Clarke was bi, it made so much sense why she freaked out over the commander’s death. I think everyone got it.”

“Except Abby who I just heard her telling Marcus about how she didn’t realize Clarke and Lexa were such ‘good friends.’”

“Really?” Raven looked shocked.

“Yeah, he seemed like he was going to burst her bubble, but I think he chickened out. We might have to wait for Lexa and Clarke to reunite before it actually sinks in.”

Lexa huffed. Great. Save Clarke then deal with Abby’s reaction to their relationship, or lack thereof. Was it too much to hope that would change soon? Wow. The close future just seemed so fun.

The three settled into a surprisingly companionable silence. Lexa had her reservations about the Skaikru around her, but Clarke had considered them friends. The least Lexa could do was make an effort.

“I’m sorry, Commander.” Murphy started. He looked apprehensive but continued when Lexa raised an eyebrow. “I was there for what you thought would be your last goodbyes. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Murphy kom Skaikru.”

Murphy nodded and let it go for a second.

“No, but I saw how it destroyed Clarke. You deserved a more quiet moment. Y’know, for most of the ride home, she just sat there on the horse. She didn’t look around, I don’t even think she heard me talking to her. I planned to take her straight to Abby when we got back because I thought something else might have happened to her.

“Eventually she nodded off and it only took one backhanded comment about grounders for her to lose it.”

“When I went to visit her, she was just staring straight ahead. She still had your blood on her hands. I helped her wash it off, but she said–” Raven cut herself off. She didn’t know if Clarke and Lexa had exchanged those three little words. She didn’t want to say anything that Clarke wasn’t ready to express.

“She made it clear that she cared about you. I called you the commander and she corrected me. She said that she was going to remember Lexa. The commander could be remembered by her people, but she was going to remember Lexa.”

Lexa felt tears prick her eyes. She took a breath and centered herself, nodding to the both of them that she appreciated their words. They seemed to understand that she couldn’t speak at the moment and got comfortable.

“We’ll get her back.” Raven whispered before they drifted off.

Chapter Text

When Lexa woke up next, the others were gearing up.

“Where are we going?” She managed to get herself all the way to her feet this time before Abby came over, already rolling her eyes.

“You are not going anywhere.” Abby pointed back to the ground.

“I am already up. It will be easier for me to remain standing for a moment.”

Abby looked so annoyed, Lexa had to hide her smirk.

“Fine. Some of the others are going to run and try to get some equipment from the Ark.”

“The Ark?” Lexa deadpanned. “The Ark that is overrun with Alie’s followers?”

“Yes. They will just be getting a few things from the outskirts and Raven’s workshop. While you, Raven, and Bellamy stay here and recover.”

Lexa stayed silent while Abby went around checking on her other patients.

They waited for a while before the radio crackled to life. Abby was getting more and more antsy the longer they went without contact.

“Abby, do you read us?” Kane’s staticky voice broke through.

“Yes, we can hear you. What’s going on?”

“There’s no one here.”

They exchanged confused looks.

“No one?”

“The whole place is empty. We swept through after realizing there was no one outside, but the whole place looks like they up and left.”

Lexa paled. Abby looked worried and went to check her temperature, but Lexa caught Abby’s hand with her own.

“They went to Polis. That’s the only reason they’d abandon it, if they think the resources didn’t matter or they had something bigger planned.”

Abby nodded and relayed the message to Kane. Things were quiet for a few minutes before his voice came back.

“You guys should come here, then. We already secured the whole area and found something you need to see. Monty’s heading back now with the rover.”

Abby furrowed her eyebrows at the radio. “What did you find?”

Silence. Enough silence for Lexa to know she probably didn’t want to know what they found.

“It’s probably best if you see it for yourself.”

_________

Monty arrived shortly, but Lexa’s nerves were getting the better of her. The bumpy journey was making her injury ache and stretched the journey to a point that it felt much longer than it actually was.

They unloaded once they got into Arkadia. Kane stood waiting for them with a grim expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“Let’s head to Raven’s workshop.” He helped support Raven as the group shuffled to their destination.

Lexa felt her chest tighten when she saw Clarke on one of the weird boxes. Clarke told her they were called TVs and were like paintings that moved, but only now was she understanding what she had tried to explain. It was like a window she could use to see the woman who consumed her thoughts.

“Clarke?”

Sinclair shot them a nervous look before clearing his throat. “We started to look at past security footage to see if we could find anything out about their plans and came across this. You may want to sit down, it’s…unnerving.”

Lexa settled into a chair, once everyone was as ready as Sinclair seemed to require, he leaned over and pressed one of many buttons on a long, black board.

Clarke was standing in the middle of the med bay where they first saw her. This was after they had her, Lexa could see the bullet wound on her left shoulder.

“I am to submit to you.” Her voice sounded a little odd over the audio that contained the moving images. She stared straight forward, not looking at anything specific.

“Right now I just advise you, I will follow you and execute any order you give me. This would allow me to become more. My mind and yours will be one. I will be an extension of you and will allow you to have a body when you communicate with those who deny your vision.”

Lexa exchanged a nervous look with Murphy.

“I do…I can no longer make choices. I will have no resistance against your will.”

Abby’s hand flew to her mouth. Kane rested a hand on her shoulder, suddenly his grim expression made sense.

“Yes, I will likely have brain damage.”

“What?!” Abby shouted.

Lexa had never heard the term ‘brain damage,’ but she had seen the effect some head wounds had on her soldiers. Maybe it was Skaikru’s term for those injuries. She really hoped not. She didn’t want to think about Clarke experiencing anything like that.

She was quiet for a longer stretch of time before speaking again.

“I bear it so they don’t have to.” Clarke whispered. She looked almost surprised at the words she spoke. For a fraction of a second, it seemed like her eyes looked away from their faraway point before being brought back to that mindless stare.

“I accept…I submit.”

Clarke dropped to the ground and grabbed her head. The sound of her screams filled the room. Lexa could make out her protests.

“No!”

Her hands moved and clawed at that floor.

“NO!”

She whimpered and arched up against the ground with one last heart-shattering scream before her eyes fluttered shut and she became too still for Lexa’s liking.

Lexa couldn’t say anything though. It was like she had been disconnected from her body.

She didn’t want to watch, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

She tried to take a calming breath, but her body didn’t even try to draw in air.

It looked like the others were having a similar experience while they waited for Clarke to move. Or make a noise, or anything to show she was alive!

Lexa never realized just how suffocatingly loud silence could be.

Finally, finally , Clarke smoothly moved herself up.

It wasn’t Clarke though. Clarke didn’t move like that. She didn’t carry herself that way.

“Let’s get to work.” She spoke with the same cadence and tone Raven had when Alie took control over her.

Clarke faced the same point she had been fixed on before. She snapped out of it and spoke quietly.

“We’re leaving. Take what you need, the rest will be waiting for us when we return.”

No one else was in the room with her, but everyone knew no one needed to be. She glided out of the room, not moving in any way like herself.

Sinclair pressed a button again and the picture froze.

“What was that?” Lexa growled.

“That looks like what Alie did to me. Brain damage?” Raven whispered the last part.

Silence settled over them like a blanket. Lexa focused on the door Clake had exited in the video. This was going to end very badly if they didn’t stop it.

“How long ago was that?” Lexa pulled herself back together. Some of them hadn’t caught on to her and Clarke’s…whatever they had, but everytime Clarke slipped through her fingers her reaction became more telling. Her knuckles were white against the armrest of the chair and her voice was tight.

“A few hours. They didn’t have any means of transportation, aside from walking, so they couldn’t have gotten to Polis yet.”

“Could we take the rover and cut them off?” Bellamy asked. He was in the seat next to Lexa since his leg pulled on the stitches every time he tried to stand for too long.

“If we left now, we’d be able to get them a little further than the halfway point.” Raven answered.

“Rae, how long will it take to make that device for Clarke.”

“A few minutes. I have everything I need here in the workshop.”

“Okay,” Bellamy started. “Get to work right now. If we can get that device ready to go, drive up and be ready to ambush Clarke, we might be able to catch her and remove the chip before they reach Polis. Lexa could then do whatever she has to do to destroy Alie.”

Raven started nodding and smiled. “Sinclair! To my workstation.”

Sinclair rolled his eyes but had Miller help him move the chair so Raven was sitting at her work station. She started grabbing all kinds of different tools and supplies that Lexa had no idea what they did.

“What about the battery? We don’t want to remove that if it will decrease our chances of a swift getaway.” Monty interjected.

“I’ll find something else to power it.” Sinclair nodded and took off.

“Whatever it is is going to have to be light and portable!” Raven called after his retreating back. She faced the group again. “I’m building this as quickly as I can, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to get anything prepped beyond one big jolt. You’re going to have one shot and you have to do it as soon as you have Clarke. If you don’t, Alie will kill her before you can get anywhere else. Got it?"

They all nodded solemnly.

“Okay,” Raven muttered absent mindedly as she tinkered with the device in her hands. “Everybody look at this. You need to get this part on the back of Clarke’s neck. It’s set to respond to this trigger, so you squeeze it and It’ll shock Clarke. The shock from the device will make her tense up against it, so don’t worry if it feels like she’s pushing back, just keep it as close to her as you can.

“It should disable the chip and extract it in one go. As soon as it’s done, you’ll radio us and Commander Hotstuff will do whatever it is she has to to shut it down.”

Lexa glared at Raven. Her glare became even sharper after all that Raven said sunk in.

“I’m not going?”

“No. You’re the only one who knows how to actually beat Alie, you need to be far, far away from the action.”

“No.” Lexa wasn’t thinking logically. She couldn’t. The last time she focused solely on her responsibilities, she lost Clarke for three months only to find the Commander of Death ready to kill her. Luckily for Lexa, Clarke had come back into her life and forgiven her, but she couldn’t risk it again. It didn’t matter if staying was better. Lexa would rather have Clarke back to herself and suffer through a lecture than sit on the sidelines. “I’m going to help.”

“You are helping.” Raven placated.

“No, I will help Clarke. I am going to be there for her when we get her back.”

Murphy stepped in, his face softened slightly. Abby shot him a suspicious look.

“Lex–Commander, what would Clarke say? You saved Raven first because you knew that’s what Clarke would want. She takes care of her people and you are the key to their survival. You have to stay where you’re safe.”

Lexa ran her hand over her eyes. This wasn’t good. This really wasn’t good. She wanted to be there for Clarke when she came to, but if the roles were reversed, Lexa would’ve been pissed that Clarke put herself in unnecessary danger for her.

“Fine, but the moment you get that chip out–”

“We’ll be on our way back.” Bellamy nodded at her. There was a certain understanding in his eyes when he looked at her. Lexa didn’t like it. It felt too knowing.

Sinclair rushed in with a battery. He and Raven worked in a silence only two people who had worked together for years could accomplish.

Bellamy limped over to the door. He caught Lexa’s eye and jerked his chin towards the hall. Lexa frowned but followed a minute after he left.

Bellamy crossed his arms and looked up at Lexa with a worried expression on his face.

“What is it, Bellamy kom Skaikru?”

“You and Clarke?” He swallowed nervously.

“What about us?” Lexa knew exactly what he was implying, but she was enjoying the scared expression on his face and she wanted some time to figure out what he was trying to get out of the conversation.

He cleared his throat. “You’re together.”

“Not at the moment.”

“I mean just generally, you’re in a relationship.” He rolled his eyes.

“What is the point of this?” What had started out as an amusing, but annoying talk was quickly becoming only annoying.

“I’m just telling you that we’ll figure this out. We’ve got a plan and we’ll take care of Clarke.”

It was Lexa’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, I know that.” She snapped.

“No, I mean when she wakes up. We’ll take care of her and make sure she knows you wanted to be there.”

“She will blame herself. She is not responsible for–”

“I know. I’ll make sure she knows too. I’ll bring her back here and you can see her as soon as we arrive.”

“Why?”

“She’s my friend–”

“No, I mean why are you telling me?”

“Lexa, it’s obvious that you two care about each other. If I was in your place, I’d be happy to know someone was looking out for the woman I love.”

Lexa’s eyes widened at the accusation and she took a step back.

“You–”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to assume, it’s just the way you talk about her and the way you look at her. I just mean to say, I want to make sure the people I care about are okay.”

“I appreciate you telling me this. It is true that I would rather be there.” She slipped into the Heda tone Clarke liked to tease her about.

“No problem. Aside from not letting her take the blame, is there anything else you want me to tell her?”

There are so many things she needs to know. “Nothing I do not want to tell her myself.”

Bellamy looked content with this answer. He nodded and moved to walk back into the room. Lexa stopped him with a simple wave of her hand.

“She flirted with you.”

If Lexa wasn’t so jealous she would’ve laughed at how quickly his face lit up red. Actually, she would’ve hid her laugh but only if you knew her, would you have picked up on her amusement.

“Uh, yeah, while Alie was in control she didn’t–”

“I know.” Lexa carefully thought through what she was going to say next. “Did you mean it? When you rejected her, was it because it was Clarke or because it was Alie?”

Bellamy sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Because it’s Clarke. Back when we lived at the dropship, that answer would’ve been different. Now, she’s my best friend. We don’t always see eye-to-eye, but we care about each other. I met someone else though, Gina. She was in Mount Weather when–” Bellamy blinked back tears and took a breath before he could continue. “She’s gone. But she was good for me. She could calm me, something I don’t think Clarke and I could ever do for each other. We work well together, but we can also bring out the worst in each other. I need time to move on and Clarke and I aren’t going to happen.”

“Thank you for your honesty, Bellamy kom Skaikru.”

“You’re welcome, Heda. I’ll bring your girl back safely.”

_________

It had taken a lot of bribing and some light threatening before Abby figured out the perfect mix to get Lexa to cooperate. Dropping her daughter’s name was like magic. It scared Abby, how much the broody, ruthless commander seemed to care about her daughter.

This was the woman who left Clarke and her people to die in the mountain! Is that what this was about? Guilt? Is this how she planned to redeem herself?

Abby took a deep, calming breath and forced herself to put that aside. Regardless of what she had done, Lexa was her patient. She was going to take care of her and rip her a new one when she was healed.

“Ah ha!” Raven exclaimed.

Right. Her other, not as difficult–but still a pain–patient. Yet neither of them were as difficult to deal with as Clarke when she was injured or sick. When she was brought back Abby was going to have to practically enlist a team to keep the three girls in line long enough to heal properly.

The thought alone was starting to cause a headache. Awesome. That’s going to be so fun.

“What did you find?” Lexa moved to stand from her chair and move closer but Abby was ready for that. She put a hand on her shoulder and held her in place.

An annoyed look flashed across Lexa’s face but she relented and leaned back in her seat.

Raven pointed to the code running on the monitors. Abby didn’t know much about code and she thought Raven was also unfamiliar with it, but she had been hacking her way through Alie’s system. They had scrounged up a couple of the keys. Raven hooked one up to the computer and started accessing the City of Light. She had been working on it since the team left to get Clarke.

Abby knew it was Raven’s way of dealing and it seemed to be better for her health than Lexa’s was. The commander had been trying to get up and move for almost the entire time they had been gone. Really, Abby’s hair was going to be gray by the end of the month at this rate.

“I think I found Clarke.” Raven pointed to the screen proudly. Like a little kid showing off their accomplishments.

“Can you get her out from this end of it?” Abby didn’t want to hope, but she couldn’t help the small spark that started to rise up.

“No. Well, I could try, but we have no idea what that would do to her.”

Lexa sighed. Abby was about to as well, but refused to be seen doing anything that could be interpreted as copying the commander.

“They should have her by now, right?” Lexa’s voice sounded small. Abby hated the look Raven shot the commander. She looked almost…sympathetic? Am I the only one who remembers what she did to us?

“They might have had to change plans or wait longer than expected. It’s nothing to worry about yet.”

Lexa’s face turned stormy. She rested one hand on the table and leaned over Raven’s shoulder.

“That…gibberish is Clarke?”

Raven reached up and moved Lexa’s hand down a few lines. “No, that gibberish is Clarke.”

Abby saw Lexa’s face twitch. She supposed if she knew the commander she may be able to figure out what she was feeling, but as it was, she had no interest in ever knowing the commander enough to decipher the small movements on her generally neutral face.

“How do you know?” Abby saw the commander going to open her mouth but she managed to get her question out first. Was it childish that she smiled slightly when Lexa’s mouth clapped shut? Probably. Was it childish that Abby felt annoyed the commander nodded as if to agree with her? Maybe. Abby rolled her eyes at herself. She was an adult and she could act like it. Most of the time.

“It’s different. More…complex. Alie did something to make her and Clarke one, right? It makes sense looking at this. It’s like Clarke’s whole person is in there. It’s intense.”

Murphy ran into the room, his footsteps thudding the whole way.

“Security…camera!” He ordered between his gasps for air.

Raven raced to pull up the video. Lexa leaned forward and looked over her shoulder.

“Is that the rover? They should’ve radioed before coming back.”

“Something’s wrong.” Raven agreed.

Abby gripped the table tightly. She saw the looks of fear on the teenages faces, but there wasn’t much she could do to soothe them. Unless…

“We don’t know what is going on. They may have had trouble with their walkies and are about to march in here with no problems.”

“Abby, when has our luck let something like that be the case?” Raven sighed.

“Okay, Lexa, Murphy, both of you need to hide.”

“Why me?” He was trying to sound disinterested, but he couldn’t hide the curious tone Abby picked up on.

“Lexa is the only one who knows how to beat Alie and it’s safer if someone is with her. Just stay out of sight until we know what is happening. Above all else, keep the commander safe and find a way to shut Alie down, okay?”

“What about us and our friends?”

“We don’t have time to gather everyone up. Our priority is buying time. We’ll figure this out.”

Abby was shocked when Lexa leaned forward and grasped her forearm.

“Thank you, Abby kom Skaikru. We will not disappoint, the risks you are taking will not be in vain.”

Abby nodded her begrudging respect for the Heda. It still didn’t mean she liked her. It just meant that maybe sometimes she could tolerate her.

“Murphy!” Abby called as they turned to leave.

“Yeah?”

“You know the best way to guarantee your survival is to take down Alie, right?”

He rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Good, I know you’ll make sure it happens, then.”

Murphy and Lexa didn’t spare another word before they were out of sight.

Abby rubbed a comforting hand over Raven’s shoulder while they cautiously watched the monitors.

_________

Clarke hopped out of the rover. With a simple nod in their direction her associates yanked the rebels out of the rover and lined them up in the garage. Each one was dropped to their knees while the rest of the guards fanned out. She didn’t even have to issue orders before they slinked away smoothly to bring the rest of the people in the Ark. Only a few guards remained, but Clarke wasn’t concerned with the sparse numbers. She knew that she could kill anyone of these fools without giving them time to stop her.

Bellamy looked up at her in dismay. Almost like he was disappointed in her, but really Clarke didn’t care in the slightest. He wouldn’t be disappointed for long. She could practically guarantee that he would be joining the City of Light before the day was done.

Bellamy, Lincoln, Octavia, Kane, Miller, and Harper had tried to corner her on her march to Polis. They had been so focused on the idea that she needed saving they hadn’t stopped to consider that she played them. She marched intentionally slowly to give them plenty of time to catch up. Her scouts had been stationed all along the trail and let her know when they saw the rover arrive. All Clarke had to do was wait for them to ‘surprise’ her when they whipped around the corner. Before they could all even get out of the rover, Alie’s men had swarmed and tied them up. Now she was here for the big prize. It was time to kill Heda.

Indra, Nyko, Bryan, Jasper, and Monty were brought in over the next couple of minutes. Clarke didn’t even spare them a second glance as they joined the others. Sinclair joined the party but there was still no Heda.

Eventually Dr. Griffin and Raven were forced to join the rest of them. This time the guards didn’t go back out immediately. She glanced at them before her eyes shifted to Alie.

“They’ve searched obvious places which means Murphy and Heda were aware of our arrival and are hiding.”

Clarke nodded. “I’ll find them.”

Alie knew exactly what Clarke meant, they were one and the same, after all. Unfortunately for Clarke’s friends, the rest of them didn’t have the same luck. Instead of marching out of the garage and finding Lexa she turned and regarded her friends coldly. There were more of them than there were of Alie’s men, but Alie’s men were armed to the teeth with guns and knives. They also were staying far enough away that they couldn’t jump them.

Clarke knelt down in front of Raven. Raven’s eyes were searching her face. She seemed desperate to find something Alie knew she never would.

“Where is the commander?” Clarke’s emotionless expression and tone was a far cry from Raven’s best friend who was collapsing in on herself a little over a week ago when discussing the same woman.

“Clarke…” Raven pleaded, but Clarke didn’t even let her finish the sentence before her elbow smashed into her nose. She almost fell back, but Clarke grabbed a fistful of her hair to hold her upright.

“You’re going to die, Raven.” Her tone was so final that Raven didn’t even try to think of a work around. She just felt the tears on her face.

“We can’t take you back into the City of Light. If you tried to leave once, you’ll try again. I’ll let you decide if you want to die quickly or slowly. Alie owes you that much. Where is the commander?”

“I don’t know. Clarke, I need you to–” Her sentence shifted to a cry and she clawed at the sudden knife in her stomach.

“If I take it out you die quickly. If I leave it in, slowly. Let me know when you make up your mind.”

Clarke stood up and held out her hand. A guard passed her another knife.

“No! Raven!” Dr. Griffin’s cries rose above the rest and unfortunately for her, brought her to Clarke’s attention.

“Dr. Griffin.”

Dr. Griffin sniffled but didn’t try to wipe her tears.

“Where is the commander?”

“I don’t know.”

Clarke hummed and nodded her head. “I believe you, but I also believe you could be of service. You want to help Raven.”

Dr. Griffin just stared up at her.

“You can’t let her die, Clarke. Don’t let them do this.”

“I’m not letting them do anything.” Clarke crouched down to face Dr. Griffin. “I’m doing it.”

A fresh set of tears rolled down her face.

“You could help her.” Clarke’s head tilted slightly as she took in the woman in front of her. She placed the point of the knife under Abby’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet. “Alie would allow it, on the condition that you join us in the City of Light.”

“No…” Raven moaned. “Abby, don’--” She was silence by Clarke’s spiteful glare.

“What’ll it be, doc?”

Abby squared her shoulders and shook her head. Clarke sighed and swiftly knocked her out.

Apparently, Clarke remembered her friends as less annoying than they actually were. There was, however, one thing she knew without a doubt she could count on.

Next she approached Octavia Blake. Just like she expected, Octavia raised her chin and looked at her defiantly. Clarke simply raised an eyebrow and two of her men came over. They pulled Octavia into a standing position. She didn’t struggle, just maintained her eye contact with Clarke.

“Torture her.” She ordered. Bellamy and Lincoln started trying to get to her, but were held in place. She didn’t need to vocalize the order, but it wasn’t for her guards' benefit.

“You think that’ll break me?” Octavia asked.

“Who said I was trying to break you ?” Clarke whispered back.

Octavia’s eyes widened in understanding. She started struggling against the guards. Clarke walked them over to a post and tied Octavia up herself.

“My only question is, who do you think is going to break first? The brother or the boyfriend? I know who I’d put my money on.” She kept her voice quiet so only Octavia would know she had no intention of retrieving information from her.

O didn’t say a word. Not at that moment and not after she started screaming.

Clarke continued her rounds through her supposed friends. If they truly were her friends, wouldn’t they support her? Wouldn’t they understand she was doing this for them?

She’d ask them about Heda. They would insist they didn’t know. They’d be punished. It seemed like an easily understandable idea, but they always looked so shocked when Clarke pulled a scream out of them.

Often she would find herself face to face with Octavia. Bellamy and Lincoln’s pleading was only getting more and more desperate as the minutes slipped into an hour and the red pool on Raven’s stomach slowly grew. Octavia, to her credit, remained strong.

“O! Clarke, stop! Please!” Bellamy sobbed. Clarke just kept her eyes on Octavia and the defeated expression that was crossing her face. Not much longer. She promised herself.

“I don’t know where Lexa is, but I’ll take the key if you stop!”

_________

Lexa watched the chaos from the vents. Murphy had insisted on hiding up here and fortunately, Clarke only seemed to have brought her extra tall and extra buff guards. None of them seemed to be able to fit in the vents themselves and ruled it out as a hiding place because they would never think to hide there.

It pained Lexa to see Clarke march among the ranks of her friends and hurt them. She winced at Clarke’s almost bored expression and the blood dripping from her knife.

They finally had a plan. Moving around in the vents with Murphy had been dangerous. The slightest slip made too much noise. They had to move at an achingly slow pace only to find out what was going on. Unfortunately that meant by the time they saw all of their friends, Clarke was holding all of them hostage. Octavia was the first brought away from the group, but from time to time others were dragged off or Clarke dealt with them right where they were kneeling.

Murphy and Lexa had to be absolutely silent as they planned. Any noise echoed too loudly in the vents. Lexa refused to do anything until Clarke’s chip was extracted. Murphy rolled his eyes.

‘ What about the chip extractor?’ He mouthed.

‘Does it still work?’ Lexa looked over to the rover in the garage. They could get to it, if they had a distraction.

‘Probably. If they didn’t get to use it, you think Alie would be bragging or something.’

Lexa nodded in agreement.

‘I’ll sneak down and get it. Can you figure out a way to distract the goons?’ Murphy had already started his slow progress away.

Lexa nodded and focused back on the horrific scene in front of her.

It had been a while since Murphy slinked away and things were only getting worse. Just about everyone was bleeding and crying. Raven looked like she was close to dying and Lexa was not going to let that happen.

Luckily, she never went anywhere without her knives. She withdrew one from its sheath and carefully aimed the flat of the blade so it caught the light of the sun and sent it straight into Bellamy’s eyes.

It took a couple of tries to draw his attention away from his sister, but eventually he spotted Lexa. She motioned to keep it secret and Bellamy let out a cry of anguish before hanging his head. Lexa could see the slight way he was looking up, but it seemed like no one else would notice.

She managed to convey ‘distraction’ and get him to wait. She looked for Murphy and sure enough a couple of minutes later he popped up at the edge of the room. Just out of sight from anyone not sitting in a vent. Once this was done, Lexa was going to have to act fast. She wasn’t too high up and suspected she could just drop down.

One scream from Octavia and a quick nod to Bellamy put their plan in motion.

“O! Clarke, stop! Please! I don’t know where Lexa is, but I’ll take the key if you stop!”

Clarke finished the knife stroke against Octavia before lazily turning to face him.

“I should warn you what will happen to your sister if you’re lying.”

The guards started tightening their perimeter. Clearly Alie was intrigued by this new development. Murphy slowly got closer to the rover. He quietly popped the door open and started rooting around.

“I’m not lying, Clarke. I swear. Let her go, please .”

“Not until you take the key.”

She was crouching in front of Bellamy now. His friends pleaded for him to stop.

“How do I know you won’t just go back to torturing her?”

“You don’t. But you do know what will continue to happen if you don’t take it.”

Murphy pulled the device out of the car and triumphantly showed it to Lexa. A guard started to round the corner and was about to stop him when she kicked out the vent and dropped to the ground.

Doing that with stitches in your abdomen? Not. Fun.

She tried to steady her breath as much as she could but between the fall and the curious but very much not-Clarke look Clarke was giving her, it was quite the challenge.

“I heard you were looking for me.” Really, Lexa? Really? That’s the best you’ve got?!

“I was.” Clarke turned away from Bellamy and slowly approached Lexa.

“Here I am. Do your worst.” Lexa took a step forward. She was desperate to pull Clarke’s attention to her. Because Murphy needs me to distract her so he can sneak up behind her. She reasoned. Sure, Lexa.

“Oh, I will.”

In any other circumstance (read: if Clarke wasn’t currently possessed and had no idea who Lexa was), the smirk on Clarke’s face would’ve absolutely convinced her they were flirting. Maybe they were, but right now that look was absolutely terrifying. Lexa hated how she had to bite her lip to keep herself from smiling back.

“You can join us in the City of Light, Heda. We just need to get a little something from you first.”

“And what would that be?”

“The Flame in the back of your neck, of course.”

Of course. Clarke was being sweet. She really had underestimated how hard it would be to view Clarke as the enemy. There were definitely differences in her behavior, but Lexa just felt compelled to pull Clarke close and tell her everything was going to be okay. It had to be, because Lexa didn’t know how she would cope with losing Clarke.

“That would kill me.” Honestly, Lexa couldn’t be sure, but she had only ever heard of the spirit of the commanders being removed after their death. It wasn’t too much of a leap to make the connection.

“I guess we’ll have to deal with that, but you can die knowing you helped your people.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped. Suddenly separating her Clarke from this imposter wasn’t so hard. Not if what she said when they thought Lexa was dying was anything to go by.

“Is that what she’s telling you?” Lexa whispered. She hadn’t meant to, but apparently heartbreak took the volume out of your voice.

“I’m leading my people to a place where they feel no pain.” She sounded angry, almost…offended?

“This is not you, Clarke. I know you think it is, but Alie is messing with your head.”

“No.” She growled. “Alie is showing me the truth.” Her bloodied knife rose up to point at Lexa accusingly.

“She is not, Clarke. You would not make these decisions if you remembered everything.”

Clarke took a step closer. Lexa almost stepped to match her but had to remind herself to stay defensive. That wasn’t her first priority around Clarke.

“I wouldn’t take care of my people?!” She challenged.

“You would not force them and hurt them to do it.” She managed to creep closer and brace her hand in a way that would prevent Clarke from stabbing her. It may force them to wrestle for the knife, but that was a bridge Lexa would cross when she got there.

“Do you even remember me?” Lexa spoke so quietly she was afraid Clarke hadn’t heard her.

“You’re Heda.” It sounded more like a question than a statement.

“Not to you. To you, I am Lexa. When it is just us, it is Clarke and Lexa.”

“No, no, if I don’t remember you, it’s because you hurt me.” Her voice carried through the room, unaware that her friends were fighting through their pain and hoping Lexa could reach Clarke.

“Yes, I did. But you forgave me. Do you remember why you are so forgiving? Your pain made you that way. You are the most forgiving person I know and you do not even remember that.”

Clarke looked conflicted.

“I chose to take care of my people before and almost lost you. That hurt you, but you found it in yourself to forgive me. I care about you, Clarke. More than anyone I have ever met. The last time we saw each other, you thought I was dying. We both thought we would never see each other again.” Lexa managed to reach out and gently grab Clarke’s hand. “I know me dying hurt you. But I am here. I am here and I am not going anywhere.”

Clarke looked like she was going to say something but her eyes clouded.

“Clarke?”

Blood started flowing from her nose and Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke before she passed out.

“Clarke! No!”

Murphy appeared behind her and latched the device to the back of Clarke’s neck. Lexa had been so focused on Clarke, she hadn’t noticed Murphy had set Lincoln, Harper, and Miller free to dispatch the guards. Abby raced straight to Raven.

That didn’t matter anymore though. Alie had realized what they were going to do and had gotten to Clarke first.

Chapter Text

Clarke woke to the sound of sobbing. Her body ached but she pushed through the fog.

Her racing mind struggled to make sense of what had happened, and she felt someone’s arms around her.

Clarke groaned as she opened her eyes.

Green eyes stared back into blue.

“Lex?” Clarke choked out.

“Clar–I thought you were dead!”

Clarke used all the strength she had to grab Lexa and pull her as close as their bodies could possibly get. She started crying with Lexa.

“The last time I saw you, you were dying.” Clarke huffed.

Lexa pulled back and Clarke closed her eyes as their noses brushed. Neither of them could let go of each other just yet.

“Those Skaikru medical bags you gave to us had what Nyko needed to stabilize me. He got me here and your mom took out the bullet.” Lexa whispered into the delicate space between them.

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s collar with both hands and smashed their lips together. She lost herself in Lexa’s soft embrace. Their chaste kiss calmed Clarke more than she ever cared to admit.

Things were coming back to her. What she had done, what Alie had wanted her to do, and most importantly, what she hadn’t said.

“I love you.” Clarke breathed out as she tried to pull Lexa impossibly closer.

She could feel Lexa’s smile against her lips before they united again.

“I love you, too.”

Lexa moved her head to Clarke’s neck and hugged her as tight as she could manage.

Clarke suddenly pushed Lexa back and her blue eyes filled with tears.

“What have I done?”

“You didn’t do anything, Clarke.”

“Lex, I–”

“No, that was not you. That was Alie.”

Lexa sighed and stood up. She offered her hand to Clarke. Lexa let Clarke lean on her for support.

“Speaking of. We have an evil computer to defeat.”

Clarke covered her mouth with her hand and ran to Raven.

“Rae! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Not your fault, Clarke.” Raven coughed.

The others were shaking their wrists and rubbing the marks from the rope. A few of her friends were hovering over Raven.

Abby had everything ready to move Raven to her station. It had become their temporary med bay since all of the injured members of their team refused to be excluded from their adventures.

“Rae–” Clarke’s voice broke when Raven reached up and grabbed her hand.

“You wouldn’t do that to me. That was all Alie.”

Clarke wiped away her tears and squeezed her best friend’s hand. “You should be okay. It was supposed to take you hours to bleed out, so if you’re getting medical attention now–”

“I’ll be fine, Clarkie.”

Arms wrapped around Clarke and she instinctively leaned into Lexa. She shouldn’t. They hadn’t been anything long enough for that to happen, but there was no one else she felt more comfortable with.

It dawned on her that when she came to, all of her friends and family had been right around her. They must’ve seen them kiss. It certainly explained the look her mom kept shooting Lexa when she wasn’t focused on Raven.

Octavia limped up to Clarke. Clarke who was fighting off the tears in her eyes. She knew that she deserved exactly what was coming for her. She welcomed it even. It didn’t make sense that they’d just ignore all the pain she put them through. But Octavia launched her arms around Clarke. Lexa stepped back and helped Raven onto a stretcher of some kind.

“I’m sorr–”

“Stop it, Clarke.” Octavia huffed. “Rae told us what happened when you took the chip. You had no idea what you were getting involved in and there wasn’t anything you could’ve done.”

“She fought it, O. I should’ve–”

“I heard what Lexa told you in the rover.” Octavia whispered. “She didn’t want you to fight it, and I don’t blame her. All that would happen was you would suffer unnecessary pain until you gave back into her crazy scheme. This wasn’t you, Clarke. This was Alie using what you knew.”

Clarke sobbed and tightened her hold on Octavia. Both women winced and pulled away.

“I’m sorry–”

“If you apologize one more time, I’m going to punch you.”

That got a watery chuckle out of Clarke. She tried to lift her arms and wrap Octavia in a hug she would have protested against a couple of weeks ago, but her left shoulder flared with sharp pain.

Right. She had been shot in the shoulder. By Jasper. The same Jasper who was glaring at her as he went to lift Raven’s stretcher. The City of Light numbing her pain made her forget all about it.

As quickly as the group could, they shuffled to Raven’s workshop and set her on one of the tables. Clarke rinsed off her hands and grabbed a scalpel.
“What are you doing?” Abby hissed.

“The knife I–” Raven looked out of it, but reached up and squeezed Clarke’s hand, knowing her friend needed some comfort to get this out. She squeezed back in a silent thanks for the support. “It had a barb. We need to make an incision to pull it out cleanly.” Abby stepped back and prepared a suture kit.

“Okay, Mom, when I say, pull the knife out nice and steady.”

Abby didn’t say anything about the role reversal she and Clarke slid into but she did notice it. Clarke seemed steady and sure. Adjusting instruments and checking Raven’s vitals with the ease of an experienced doctor. They could talk about it later. Clarke knew they’d figure out just how much Alie had messed with her head, but she hoped they had enough sense to not bring it up until all immediate threats were taken care of.

Clarke nodded once to Abby and she pulled out the knife. Before anyone knew it, Raven was stitched up and Clarke was getting her some blood from Kane. She let out a sigh of relief when she remembered that all of Skaikru were universal donors.

Poor Raven never passed out through the procedure and was still awake. If they had more time, Clarke would’ve liked to find some pain meds, but that had to wait.

“Okay, Raven, you are going to stay as still as possible for a while. I’m going to give you some exercises to do only with a doctor present. You have some scar tissue from your old bullet wound that’s close enough to where the knife went in that I want to make sure we don’t let this site become too stiff.”

Abby blinked in surprise. Clarke saw the shock on her face, but kept talking. She knew they’d realize what Alie had soon enough.

“We’ll send Murphy and Sinclair out to look for some pain meds, but right now the best thing you can do for your pain and injury is to stay here, okay?”

Raven agreed and leaned her head back on the table. She didn’t know enough about medical stuff or about the extent of Clarke’s knowledge to know that Clarke knew more now than she did two weeks ago.

“Lexa,” she faced Clarke with an expectant look. She clearly hadn’t wanted to step away until Raven was taken care of and Clarke could be there when she took down Alie. “I think it’s time to shut it down.”

“I have to take a chip.”

“What?” Clarke eyed her in shock.

“That’s how I get to the City of Light. Once there, the Flame will protect me.”

Clarke stepped closer and let her hands drift to Lexa’s waist. She didn’t want to be overheard questioning the commander, but also wanted to make sure her girlfri–her love (they really needed to talk about that after Alie was gone) was going to be okay.

“Are you sure?”

“It is how it must be done.”

“Okay. Be careful.”

“I will.”

“I love you.”

Clarke saw Lexa fighting down the smile on her face. The others may not be able to hear them but they would certainly notice if the commander started smiling like a goofy kid. And she was sure they saw Clarke holding Lexa’s waist and Lexa gently gripping her arms.

“I love you, too.”

Lexa sat herself down in a chair next to the monitors Raven had been working on. Clarke approached with a chip in hand and leaned over Lexa.

Lexa’s eyes flicked downward before meeting Clarke’s. Clarke smirked smugly at her and held the chip in front of Lexa’s mouth. Definitely drawing attention to her assets.

Lexa’s lip actually curved up for a moment this time before she dragged her eyes up again.

“Tease.”

“I’m just making sure you know what’s waiting for you.” Clarke smiled.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She said solemnly, the mischief sparkling in her eyes. She wrapped her mouth around Clarke’s outstretched fingers and took the chip. She sucked lightly on the pad of Clarke’s thumb before pulling away. Lexa smiled openly at Clarke’s expression before she closed her eyes and slipped into the City of Light.

Clarke kept her eyes on Lexa for a few minutes before dragging herself away. She didn’t want to face them. It didn’t matter to her that they didn’t blame her, Clarke felt like she was going to be sick. Like she was back at Mount Weather. She knew she was a monster and it didn’t matter what anyone else said.

She turned around and was immediately wrapped up in her mother’s arms. Clarke sank her head into her mother’s neck. She held her mom tight and winced again at the pain in her shoulder but didn’t let go.

“Clarke, you’re okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

“I’m–”

“Shhh. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much I had hurt you.”

“Mom–”

“No, I need to get this out. I’m sorry I’ve caused you so much pain. I always just wanted to take care of you. It’s hard for me to see you as anything other than my baby girl that I need to protect. I’m always here for you, Clarke, but I realize that I’ve hurt you because I kept doing that I thought was best. You’re an adult. We need to work as a team, right?”

“Yeah.” Clarke choked out. She let out a sigh of relief and stepped away to take her mom in.

Abby smiled weakly and cleared her throat. She wanted to turn over a new leaf. Be better for her daughter.

“So, uh, you and the commander?”

Clarke felt her cheeks heat up. Abby was obviously trying to reconnect. Despite her fumbling attempts, Clarke was glad. Embarrassed that that was the first topic her mom chose, but glad nonetheless.

“Yeah. She’s special.” Clarke chanced a glance over to Lexa.

“She makes you happy?”

Yes. Yes, so happy. But that wasn’t it. Yes, Lexa made her happy, but she was also the only person Clarke could just sit with. After months of hating herself and hating the world for what she had become, Lexa had reminded Clarke what peace felt like. They could just spend time together and Clarke didn’t feel pressured to be anyone she wasn’t.

“Yeah.” A simple word, but her expression conveyed so much more.

Her mom’s eyes softened and she released her. Clarke stepped away and was pulled into another hug by Kane. The rest of the group passed her around but seemed to pick up on her unspoken fear of drifting away from Lexa. Really could they blame her? The last time they were both separated (not including Clarke’s trip to crazy town), was because Lexa was shot and Clarke thought she was dead. Bellamy hung at the back of the group and nodded discreetly at her. She tried to hide her relief. Clarke needed to talk to him, but didn’t want to in front of everyone.

She found herself with Raven and checking her stitches.

“Take me over to the computer monitors.”

“What? No, you are staying right where you are.”

“Clarke, I know you’re worried about her. I hacked into the City of Light, if you take me over there I can tell you what’s going on.”

Clarke had Miller help her carefully move Raven to a chair in front of the computers. She instantly pulled a keyboard and mouse close to her and began typing rapidly. Clarke looked over her shoulder at the information.

“So, right here–” Raven highlighted a line of code with her mouse.

“Is Lexa.” Clarke finished.

Raven shot her an impressed look before moving on. “Yeah, and I actually might have found a kill switch. I’m going to try to help Lexa–”

“Find where it is by directing her to the door? Or are you just going to put in a backdoor somewhere she can access?”

Raven frowned at Clarke, but before she could ask how she knew that. Clarke set herself up next to Raven and began helping her.

“I didn’t know you could code.” Her suspicious tone let Clarke know she already knew how Clarke had learned.

“I didn’t know you could either.”

Raven just nodded and faced the monitors again.

_________

Lexa woke up in a city she had only seen in her dreams. Becca Pramheda had a soft spot for this city that it seemed Alie shared. At first she didn’t see anyone but slowly people did start appearing. They walked right by as if she wasn’t even there.

Lexa started exploring, hoping something was going to show her the way. She frowned at the odd accessory on her wrist before recognizing it.

Clarke’s watch. Well, Jake Griffin’s watch. She didn’t remember Clarke giving it to her, but she remembered Clarke telling her about it. About how much it meant to her. It wasn’t working like it should, though.

Lexa thought the hands of the clock didn’t move, but they were. Backwards? Lexa would’ve sworn they were supposed to move the other way.

It took her a couple of minutes to realize it was counting down. Of course, the moment she realized that was the moment everyone on the street turned to face her.
Without another thought, Lexa turned and ran. Some followed, but she was able to lose them. Lexa didn’t want to kill anyone. Not if she could just avoid it.

These were innocent people. Stuck in this place like Clarke had been. Lexa would defend herself but that was all she was willing to do.

She found herself alone and glanced at the watch again. She wasn’t sure exactly how much time was left, but it was obvious she needed to get a move on. Lexa closed her eyes and tried to reach back. Reach Becca. If ever she needed the counsel of the first Heda, it was now.

A little girl came into view. She rode a bike past her and had the symbol of the commanders on her back. Without a second thought, Lexa moved to follow.
Dead end. Of course she’d be led to a dead end.

The wall next to her lit up. Lexa shielded her eyes but found a door where there had just been a solid wall. A racoon appeared on the door and Lexa couldn’t hold back the sharp laugh that bubbled up.

Clarke.

She had teased Lexa about her warpaint and how much it looked like an animal she loved to learn about on the ark. She had gone as far as drawing a picture of the animal that Lexa immediately recognized. Night thief. Nat jaka.

She didn’t waste a moment before lugging the door open and making her way inside the bright white space. It looked eerily similar to her bedroom in Polis. The balcony opened to her favorite view of the city. Right at sunset.

Lexa made her way into the room and latched onto a lever set on a small table in front of the couches. She grabbed the kill switch and pulled.

“Wai–” Alie didn’t even get the chance to finish her word before the City of Light crumbled around her.

_________

Lexa’s eyes flew open. She searched around the room and spotted Clarke. Her face broke out into a smile as she rushed to Lexa. She immediately brought up her arms and pulled Clarke into her embrace.

“I shut it down.”

“Good. That means I can actually give you a good check up.”

Lexa’s lip quirked. Clarke rolled her eyes in response.

“In a clinical way, Lexa. You were shot in the stomach and I know the others have checked on you, but I want to see for myself.”

Lexa’s eyes softened and she nodded slightly.

“Later. Right now we need to get things settled.”

Clarke nodded. A little too much and a little too fast. She winced slightly. Lexa was about to ask her what was going on when Clarke spoke so silently she had to strain to hear.

“Let’s slip away. Just for a couple of minutes. You know we won’t have another opportunity like this for a while. I just–I thought you were dead, Lexa.”

Lexa gestured for Clarke to step back before easing herself out of the chair. Clarke was looking at her with worried eyes but didn’t step in to help. Lexa appreciated that. The commander couldn't be seen as weak and Clarke knew it.

The two of them walked out of the room with Lexa glaring at anyone who opened their mouth to ask them what they were doing. Abby didn’t try to say anything, but her expression conveyed her suspicion of Lexa enough that she didn’t have to.

The moment the door was shut behind them, Clarke pulled Lexa into a searing kiss. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist and guided her back to the wall. Her tongue tracing Lexa’s lip was all she needed to open her mouth and grant Clarke access. They stayed in that embrace until they had to come up gasping for air.

“Did you miss me?” Lexa teased once she got her breath back.

Clarke chuckled and pressed their foreheads together.

“Maybe a little.”

“I love you.” Lexa hadn’t said those words since before Costia had died. She loved Costia, she truly had. But her love for Clarke was unlike anything she had ever felt. Costia was always going to be with her, but Clarke had seeped into her very being. She wanted Clarke to know that she loved her. Wanted to make sure there was no doubt in Clarke’s mind that she meant everything to Lexa. “I love you so much, Clarke kom Skaikru.”

“I love you, Lexa kom Trikru. More than I ever thought I could.” The look in Clarke’s eyes alone could convince the most skeptical person that she loved Lexa.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

Clarke smirked and lightly squeezed Lexa’s waist.

“Of course.”

Lexa pulled Clarke close to celebrate with what was supposed to be a quick kiss, honest.

A few minutes later, they pulled away, gasping and leaning their foreheads together again. Lexa mirrored the smile on Clarke’s face before she even realized what she was doing.

“Does that mean you’re coming back to Polis with me?”

Clarke pulled back with a stern look on her face. Lexa prepared herself for disappointment. What had she been thinking? She really had hoped Clarke would choose her, but she knew better than anyone that duty to one’s people came first.

“You’re not going anywhere just yet.”

What?

“What?”

“I still need to check over your injury, and no matter how well it is healing, you need to stay here for a little while. We need to keep an eye on you for at least another couple of days.”

“I do not like it as much when you say that ‘we’ need to keep an eye on you instead of ‘I’ need to keep an eye on you.”

As expected, Clarke rolled her eyes. Then something flashed across her face. Fear?

“Lex, I need to tell you–”

A knock sounded before Murphy walked through the door. The women jumped away from each other but he didn’t seem phased.

“We need the two of you back in there.” He drawled.

They started walking back, Clarke went to walk through the door but Murphy put up a hand to stop her. Lexa glared sharply at him, but the cockroach seemed immune to her anger.

Clarke raised an expectant eyebrow at him.

“Good to have you back, Clarke.”

Lexa dropped her glare. I suppose Murphy is alright.

“Good to be back.”

_________

Clarke’s head was pounding. Fortunately, she hid it well. She knew she didn’t have long before everyone realized what was wrong. Raven was already shooting her looks. They were more excited than anything, but once she realized what Alie’s gifts had actually done to the two of them, that excitement would vanish really quickly. She wondered if Raven realized the severity of the situation. Probably not, Clarke reasoned. Alie had more time to mess with my head than she did with Raven’s, but Raven was pulled out of that hell-hole sooner than I was. She could start displaying symptoms. Those could easily be masked by any number of symptoms from the torture I put her through. Way to go, Griffin.

“Clarke?” Lexa’s expression was neutral to anyone who didn’t know her, but Clarke saw the tension in her shoulders. She casually brushed their fingers as she moved forward. A silent, ‘I’m okay’ that Lexa seemed to accept.

“Sorry, what was the question?”

Kane narrowed his eyes slightly. He hadn’t known Clarke to be anything but focused and ready to act. He seemed to shake off his suspicion. Probably deciding it was a product of her exhaustion.

“What do you know about what’s going on in Polis? Skaikru didn’t have much time to get there, so the damage is probably minimal, right?”

Clarke sighed and rubbed her eyes.

“Skaikru didn’t have much time there, that’s correct. But I sent a message to the king of Azgeda requesting a meeting.”

“What?” Indra’s eyes widened.

If Clarke hadn’t felt so miserable and guilty, she would’ve laughed at the unexpected display from the normally stoic woman.

“Roan and his entire delegation took the chips and went back to Polis a few days ago with a group of Skaikru. Before you took us away. They’ve been taking Polis by storm for the past couple of days. Just before I was disconnected, they had taken the tower and were forcing citizens to take the chips.”

Lexa maintained her confident disposition, but Clarke saw the fear in her eyes.

“Why not use Skaikru?” The question came from Lincoln. He was standing by Octavia who was sitting in a chair. Clarke felt another sharp pang of guilt when her eyes brushed over Octavia’s patched up wounds and bruises. “Their weapons are far more advanced. You probably would’ve taken the city faster.”

Raven winced. She knew. It wasn’t like they could do anything to stop Alie more than they had already done, but Raven knew how guilty Clarke was and hadn’t told them much about the change of plans on that front.

“That’s what Alie wanted.” Clarke whispered. “I–I told her no. I said that the most efficient way to bring in the most people was if Azgeda looped in the other clans. King Roan is kinda a friend so I knew I could get him to take the chip.” Clarke swallowed nervously and avoided looking anyone in the eyes. Especially Lexa. “Most of the other clans think Azgeda is dangerous and don’t trust them, but they trust them more than Skaikru. Azgeda could take over the city and convince other clans to join them in a way that’s impossible for Skaikru to do.

“Alie’s goal was to bring everyone into the City of Light so I designed a plan with as few casualties as possible while still working as quickly as we could manage. It worked. Most of Polis was taken in under a day. Trikru was the most hesitant of the clans to involve themselves with Skaikru, and I didn’t remember that I knew someone who I could manipulate into helping me. Eventually, we got them and the capital was overrun.

“I’m sure the rest of the clans are even more distrusting of Skaikru as they were before, but it’s not as bad for our relations as it could’ve been. I shielded most of our deals behind Azgeda. It’s not going to take all the heat off of us, but hopefully it will convince the coalition that everyone was being controlled and Skaikru wasn’t the only one spreading it.”

She refused to look anyone in the eye as the reality of the situation sunk in. Polis had been brought down in a matter of days and it was all Clarke’s fault. The silence weighed on her shoulders. A part of her, the negative, full of self-hate part, wanted them to scream at her. She wanted them to get it out of their systems. She deserved to feel that pain. That’s what she had done to others wasn’t it? Used their friends, families, alliances against them. She deserved no better. Instead she had been pulled in by the soothing words of a friend and too blinded by heartbreak to be skeptical.

And still her head was throbbing! Not exactly relevant to the political state of Polis, but she couldn’t ignore the pain much longer.

Kane chuckled.

Clarke’s head shot up, her eyebrows raised in surprise. She wasn’t the only one.

“What’s so funny?” Abby asked the question on everyone’s mind.

“I’m just glad Clarke’s on our side.”

“Now I’m–”

“Clarke, your instincts were more on point than what an AI could come up with. You weren’t on her side by choice, but you’re always with us by choice. I’m very glad that you are on our side. This is what you accomplished when you had to put your mind to it. It’s actually kind of funny that you beat an AI at conquering the world.”

Clarke managed a small smile.

“I’d rather not get involved in another world domination competition if I can avoid it.”

Kane let out a loud laugh at that. He effectively diffused the tension in the room and some others joined in. “I think we’d all appreciate that.”

Clarke just smiled slightly wider in response. She felt the tips of Lexa’s fingers on the small of her back. Lexa shot her a small smile and Clarke returned it. It all felt a little ridiculous now, but she preferred it over the serious tone that had taken the room.

“Polis is going to be in a little chaos for a while, but we’ll be able to sort it out. People also aren’t going to like Skaikru for a while.” Clarke refocused the discussion.

“It is going to be difficult for Skaikru to reestablish their place in the coalition.” Lexa frowned.

“I have a few ideas, but I’ll have to clear them with you and the chancell–” Clarke stopped and her jaw dropped in shock before she found her voice again. “I’m the chancellor.” She let out a long suffering sigh and threw her head back.

Kane laughed again, and Clarke joined in this time.

They continued to discuss some options, but it was obvious that everyone was exhausted and in desperate need of rest. They agreed that Bellamy and Jasper would drive Indra and Nyko back to Polis. Indra would take a radio and communicate with the commander until Abby said she was well enough to make the journey. Until then, Indra would do her best to settle minor disputes and ease the tension that was surely building there.

“I’ll show you to your room, Commander.” Clarke’s tone was serious but she playfully raised an eyebrow at Lexa.

“Please do, Chancellor.”

Murphy made a gagging sound while Clarke led Lexa to the Chancellor chambers.

Chapter Text

Despite her friend’s disgusted reaction, Clarke had no plans to do anything with Lexa tonight. They both were in desperate need of sleep.

Clarke guided Lexa over to the shower and showed her how it worked. Lexa seemed suspicious and slightly excited. Clarke got her set up and managed to get a change of clothes. She would’ve loved nothing more than to hop in there with her, but she had other things she needed to take care of while Lexa was distracted.

She had managed to fill two pages with her notes before the water shut off. Clarke stuffed the pages down under some sketches. She trusted that Lexa wouldn’t go snooping through her stuff, but Clarke didn’t want these papers sitting out in the open.

Lexa walked out of the bathroom with a smile wearing her Skaikru pajamas.

“I like showers.”

Clarke chuckled.

“Very relaxing, right?”

Lexa hummed her agreement and approached Clarke with a confident smirk in place.

“There are more relaxing things we could do…” Lexa pulled Clarke against her and locked her in a fierce kiss. Clarke lost herself for a moment and eagerly returned her embrace. She pushed Lexa back towards the bed and pulled herself away.

“You are trouble.” Clarke reminded herself to breathe.

“You love it.” Lexa responded. Clarke thought she had kissed that smug look right off Lexa’s face but she clearly didn’t do a good enough job. She stopped herself. At first, it was just because she needed to shower but now Clarke just admired Lexa. Lexa, who was a secret dork and Clarke was the only person lucky enough to see this flirty, playful side of her.

“I do, I really do. But I also really need to shower and sleep. Turns out robot dictators don’t think sleep is a priority.”

Immediately, concern flashed across Lexa’s face and she jumped up and started scanning Clarke. For what, Clarke had no clue but Lexa was still looking wary.

“I’m okay. I just need some R&R.”

“R&R?”

“Rest and relaxation. It’s a Skaikru saying.”

Lexa snorted. “I did figure that part out all on my own.”

“I’m going to hop in the shower and I’ll be right out. Then sleep. Then I’ll tell you about my ideas to redeem Skaikru. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Pulling away from Lexa was harder than she thought it would be, but Clarke moved quickly. She raced through her shower. After she was all clean, Clarke just stood with the hot water hitting her. She allowed tears to race down her face.

One door closes and another one opens, but why do all of the doors have to open to the next problem?

Clarke needed to know the extent of the brain damage she had suffered, but having an AI in her head already gave her an idea. It wasn’t anything she could handle at this moment. Clarke reached forward and shut off the water. She collected herself and moved to enter the bedroom.

Lexa looked up at her as soon as she entered. She had been sitting on the bed and was nodding off. “Hey.” She mumbled.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled softly at her. Once she was close enough she patted Lexa’s leg. “Sit up.”

Lexa sighed but complied. She wasn’t even fazed as Clarke lifted her shirt and inspected the bandaged bullet wound. She pulled some supplies from her first aid kit and quickly changed the bandage. Once done, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on the area.

Lexa looked at her with wide eyes.

“What was that?”

“That’s how you heal the person you love. A quick kiss to the affected area.”

Lexa hummed in acknowledgement, but Clarke saw the mirth in her eyes. “Is that some kind of ancient Skaikru tradition?”

“Yes, don’t tell a soul.”

“I would never give up your secrets like that.”

Clarke smiled and gently pushed Lexa down onto the bed.

“Now that you’re all taken care of, it’s bedtime.”

“No, you got injured too. I need to check your shoulder.”

“My mom checked it before we left. All I need now is some sleep.”

“Hmm. I’ll be the judge of that.”

Lexa tugged on the hem of Clarke’s shirt and receiving no resistance started to pull it off. Leaving Clarke in her bra. Lexa lightly traced her stomach and slowly moved her hands upwards. Her innocent touches were starting to drive Clarke crazy.

Lexa reached the shoulder wound. Not being a healer herself, there wasn’t much she could analyze especially after the injury was freshly wrapped, so she just leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss.

“All better.”

Before Clarke could say another word, Lexa pulled herself under the covers. Clarke joined her with a smile and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend–her girlfriend!

They were out cold within seconds.

_________

Clarke was difficult to wake up in the mornings. Or maybe just after being possessed by an evil Skaikru spirit person (Lexa still didn’t fully understand what Alie was). So y’know, normal options in the situation.

Either way, Lexa woke up with Clarke clinging to her and a dopey grin on her face. She turned over to admire the blonde and found herself overwhelmed with love for her girlfriend. She softly traced Clarke’s face when she started whimpering or looking distressed. She didn’t seem to be sleeping peacefully, but she would relax under Lexa’s touch so Lexa let Clarke sleep. For a little while, at least.

If the clock on the wall was any indication they had been out for almost fifteen hours and Clarke showed no signs of waking up anytime soon. So Lexa decided to hurry along the process.

“Clarke. Clarke, wake up!” Whispered words did nothing. Speaking at a normal volume did nothing. Lightly shaking, then not-so-lightly shaking, didn’t wake her up.

Lexa huffed in disbelief.

“Clarke, you need to let go. I have to go to the bathroom.”

Clarke mumbled something in her sleep and pulled Lexa closer.

“You are cute and adorable and sweet and need to let me go.”

Lexa tried to pull away, but Clarke let out a whiny noise and buried her face in Lexa’s neck.

“Clarke.” Lexa sighed.

There was a pounding at the door and to Lexa’s shock Clarke groggily raised her head and shouted at them to go away.

“That wakes you up?”

“What wakes me up?” Clarke mumbled.

“Someone knocking on the door, but no matter what I try, you stay out cold.”

“I just need more sleep.” Clarke started to pull Lexa close again, but the commander slipped out of bed prompting a whine from Clarke.

“I just need to go to the bathroom.”

When Lexa returned, she found Clarke sitting up in bed with a frown on her face. Her hair was all over the place and Lexa didn’t bother suppressing her smile.

“Rough night?”

Clarke’s grumpiness faded as soon as Lexa spoke.

“It was fine until this cute girl kept trying to wake me up.”

“You were awake the whole time?” Lexa huffed.

“No,” Clarke smiled. “I was momentarily awakened but fell asleep again before it could register.”

“Likely story.”

Clarke got up from bed and made her way to Lexa. She wrapped her arms around her and buried her face in Lexa’s neck.

“We have to talk about what we’re going to do.”

Lexa sighed. “Yeah. You said you had some ideas?”

“Skaikru hosts a formal ceremony inviting leaders of the clans. We have Wanheda and the chancellor formally apologize and the leaders are invited to join in a Skaikru celebration.”

“You are not remaining chancellor, then?” Lexa teased. She knew Clarke didn’t want to have that power.

Clarke groaned. “No. I don’t care if I’m the right person to lead them right now. I just need a break. Maybe someday. Besides I have to step down for the same reason I can’t be an ambassador anymore.”

“What?” That was news to Lexa. She had just assumed that once things were sorted out, Clarke would resume her position as Skaikru Ambassador.

“The clans already dislike Skaikru, imagine how they’re going to feel when they realize you’re dating their leader. They might become more understanding in the future, but right now the best thing I can do for Skaikru’s relationship with the clans is not be in any specific position of power.”

“I find it hard to believe that you plan to just sit back and relax.”

Clarke snorted. “I won’t. I was thinking of establishing a liaison between Skaikru and the clans. Just making sure that we’re settling well into society and learning about each other’s culture. We could extend the offer to Lincoln and Octavia as well. They also have an interest in making sure we all get along.”

Lexa nodded. “We will need someone to be put in as an ambassador and chancellor.”

“We’ll have Skaikru hold an election, but I think Kane’s got it in the bag. I’ll talk to him about appointing an ambassador. I already have an idea.”

“Who?”

“Sinclair.”

Lexa thought over the suggestion. She didn’t know him all that well, but she had worked with him over the past couple of days. He was smart and didn’t jump to conclusions. Clarke wouldn’t suggest someone who didn’t like grounders so she knew he would be willing to work with them.

“You think he has what it takes to be an ambassador?”

“Yeah, I’ll also be helping it out. As a liaison, I’ll work with the ambassador to establish relations. If he needs advice or wants to talk through a decision, I can help.”

“And what if I want to talk things through with you?”

“Then you can. I’ll already be there.”

“You’re definitely coming back to Polis, then?”

“Yeah. Along with the fancy party, we’ll set up a temporary medical station in Polis to teach healers some of our methods and learn from them. I’m also going to try to drag Raven there to see if she can fix a generator or get some kind of power up and running in Polis.”

“Those ideas will definitely go over well with the coalition. I can not say Skaikru will be trusted again right away, but it is a step in the right direction.”

“It’s also a big drain on personnel, so I’ll have to clear it all with the next chancellor. But assuming Kane says yes, we’ll start as soon as everyone is healed.”

_________

They all agree to Clarke’s plan. Most of Skaikru had trickled in overnight. Miller, Kane, and Abby had been setting up a quick election after Clarke’s resignation speech. They were just waiting on the results, but everyone expected Kane to win.

Raven managed to settle down in med bay for a while. Abby would be back soon again to check on her bandages.

Which was translation for Raven was really bored.

Like, mind-numbing bored. Octavia and Clarke were off with their grounders and everyone else was running around trying to fix things. She could start looking at schematics for generators or ordering Bellamy to run errands for her (Raven found a lot of joy in that activity), but she wanted to do something herself.

“Abby!” Raven shouted. “Abby!”

The woman in question ran into the room with Clarke and Lexa not far behind.

Clarke immediately tugged up Raven’s shirt and began assessing her stab wound. Raven could see the urgency on her face, but Clarke looked calm like she could handle any problem that came her way.

Abby looked at all the monitors before turning to Raven.

“What’s wrong?”

“Okay, don’t be mad. I didn’t realize you two were going to go all doctor on me.”

“Raven.” Abby warned.

“I’m bored.”

Abby sighed and looked like she was calming herself. Clarke froze while removing Raven’s bandage and raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Really? You didn’t think yelling a doctor’s name in med bay would have them running in here?”

“I didn’t realize you and Lexa would come along for the ride.” Raven mumbled. Clarke laughed quietly.

“Lexa, Mom, you two can head back in, I’ll rewrap Raven.”

The two of them nodded but Abby turned back before she left the room.

“How about next time it’s not an emergency you say what’s going on when you call for me so I don’t think you’re dying?”

“You got it, doc.” Raven smiled her brightest, most endearing smile and watched Abby walk away.

Clarke bandaged Raven quietly. It allowed Raven a moment to study the blonde. It had almost been two days since they had pulled Clarke out, but the concerned, distracted look on her face still hadn’t faded. It would vanish briefly when Lexa whispered something in her ear but it always seemed to return just as quickly.

“I need you to do me a favor.” Clarke’s voice was so quiet Raven almost missed it.

“What?”

“The City of Light is completely destroyed.” It wasn’t a question, but Raven answered it like one.

“Yeah, we watched all of the code shut down, remember?”

“Alie is partially in the Ark system.”

“No, we purged the code.”

“We purged the City of Light. Alie’s direction was destroyed along with it, but all of her knowledge is still in the system.”

“You want me to delete it.”

“No, she doesn’t have access to anything that would help her. I want to go through her database.”

Raven watched Clarke finish the binding and set her hands on the edge of the bed. Almost like she was trying to hold herself up.

“You’re looking for something.”

Clarke’s head snapped up. She watched Raven almost fearfully. Almost like she was scared Raven had figured it out.

“Becca had a bunch of labs around here. I think there could be supplies. I don’t have a list off the top of my head, but I’m sure there were some bunkers.”

“Okay. And is there a reason you’re being weird about this?”

“Aside from the fact I know this because an AI, that also happened to invade my mind, told me?”

Fair enough. “Yeah, you seem off.”

Raven tried to figure out what might have happened when it hit her. They’d been so distracted by shutting down Alie they forgot about the video that lit a fire under them.

“Brain damage.”

Now, there was no question if Clarke was scared or not. She wouldn’t make eye contact with Raven.

“How bad is it?”

“I don’t know.”

Raven’s heart sank. She expected Clarke’s voice to break to show some scared emotion, but like always, she managed to amaze her. Really Raven should’ve known better. Clarke Griffin doesn’t break .

“You need the equipment to figure it out.”

She nodded.

“Do I have brain damage?” It was Raven’s turn for the almost inaudible whisper. Raven almost laughed. Saying it quietly didn’t change the meaning of the words. It wasn’t like she could protect herself from reality by being quiet about it. So she cleared her throat and tried again at a normal volume. “Do I have brain damage?”

“Maybe.”

“Don’t lie to me, Clarke.”

“There’s a good chance, but I can’t confirm anything with the technology we have.”

Raven just nodded in response. Really she felt like she ought to be commended for being so brave about what just might be the worst news of her life.

Raven had gone through a lot in her young life, but she always had her mind. Awful mom who took everything from Raven? Well, she’d just have to work hard at school to become the youngest zero-G mechanic in fifty-two years. No biggie. A semi-paralyzed leg? At least her head was fine. Losing her best friend, the man she loves, her only family? It hurt like nothing else Raven had felt before. But she threw herself into work. Her ambition and intelligence was her only escape before she came to terms with his death.

Losing her mind? No, Raven wouldn’t survive that.

Clarke seemed to sense her pain. She squeezed Raven’s shoulder.

“It came from her taking over. When Lexa shut down the City of Light the code in the residents was destroyed, we were both disconnected so when it shut down, it didn’t reach us. I think her controlling us made it worse. She was able to dump more information and overload our brains. Luckily for you, she had more time with me so hopefully I can be a warning for your symptoms.”

“Clarke–”

“It affects everyone differently so we need to get to the lab, but you should have more time to figure things out.”

“More time?”

“I don’t know anything about what she did, but it could get worse.”

“So I need to find those labs.”

“Yeah, I’m looking into different treatments.”

“When did you become all super-doctor?”

“Same time I learned how to code. Roan brought one of his guards with him when he came to Skaikru. They were pretty banged up. He refused to even go into negotiations until he was taken care of. He knew we had the best medical technology, but none of the doctors were here. So Alie loaded my brain with all sorts of information and had me fix him. She also put all of the Ark medical files in there. So if anyone had a medical condition we could use the chip to ‘treat’ them.”

“The coding? I know what she needed me to do with it.”

“I hacked the surveillance system. The video you saw of me was recorded a few days before. I set it so when someone went to look at the video it would automatically show it only happened a few hours ago.”

“That way we went right after you. Too soon for you to have gotten to Polis, but too late for us to stop and think it through.”

“Yeah. Worked like a charm. I guess I really am meant to be a manipulative dictator.”

Raven pulled Clarke into a hug. She was still weak from all of her injuries, but she held Clarke as tightly as she could. She knew it was working when tears hit her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Rae. I hurt you, I–”

“Shhh. It wasn’t your fault, Clarke. Wasn’t Kane the one who said it just makes us all that much more grateful you’re on our team?”

Clarke chuckled slightly at that. Raven gently rubbed her hand up and down Clarke’s back. She was desperately trying to show Clarke she didn’t blame her.

“I don’t like knowing I can do those things. I came up with a plan to assassinate Pike and take advantage of the power vacuum. I almost killed you and Lexa while they had us. I planned a diversion for you all so you wouldn’t realize we took Polis before it was too late. I was the one who made the plan to take Polis and set Azgeda up for the blame if things fell apart. And I was the one who tortured you. Who tortured all of you. That wasn’t Alie.”

“She was the one who made you do it, Clarke.”

“She wasn’t the one who made me good at it. That was all me.”

“Yeah, but you’ve used those same skills to help us time and time again. How many times have you managed to negotiate treaties between us and the grounders and between other delinquents? You’ve come up with plan after plan to see us all home safely. These things aren’t all bad, Clarke. You know it and you’ll see it more now that you know.”

_________

Raven rubbed her eyes and groaned. Hunting Alie through the Ark’s coded systems was exhausting. She had finally found all of Alie’s data, but sorting through it was almost as bad as chasing it around.

“That good, huh?”

Clarke sat next to her and signed onto the system. She joined Raven in shifting through the overwhelming information.

They’d found a lot over the week, but nothing concrete yet. It was starting to weigh heavily on the two of them. Lexa had already commented on Clarke’s noticeable exhaustion and Raven’s constant distracted mindset.

“What about where Jaha reached the City of Light? He said he found a real place.”

“Jaha’s clamped up about the whole thing.” Clarke reiterated. They’d already had this same conversation.

“He wasn’t the only one.”

“The rest are dead.”

“Murphy–”

“Ran off to Polis to find Emori, Rae. He’s still not back and hasn’t responded to anything. This is all we’ve got.” She shoved the keyboard away and placed her face in her hands.

Raven frowned. She didn’t like Clarke’s defeated tone.

“We’ll find it, Clarke.”

“Will we? What if it doesn’t even exist anymore? What if the bombs destroyed it?”

“We’ll find another way. We always do. Maybe there are enough broken pieces at Mount Weather to put something together.”

Clarke ignored her friend and pulled her keyboard back. She threw herself into the problem again and Raven couldn’t pull her out so she did what she did best, poured her heart and soul into fixing the problem.

_________

Lexa was ready to head back to Polis. She had been working well with Indra over the radio, but she was looking forward to being back in her home. She was also excited to take Clarke there.

Her girlfriend seemed to be becoming increasingly paranoid over the past few weeks. Lexa tried to talk about it, but Clarke would distract her with activities that Abby still hadn’t cleared them for. Clarke’s wicked smirk, and “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you...” quickly pulled the older doctor from her mind and allowed her to forget the issue at hand.

Abby anticipated one more week before heading off to Polis.

As expected, Kane had won the election. And after a long talk with Clarke, he appointed Sinclair as ambassador with Clarke, Octavia, Raven, and Monty in the Skaikru Delegation. All of Clarke’s ideas to endear Skaikru to the coalition had been accepted and they were hoping all of Raven’s little inventions would improve the tower.

Lexa had expected the project would make Raven incredibly excited, but she must not have had as good of a read on the woman as she had thought. Raven seemed to be trying to display her optimistic and snarky attitude, but it was coming off as exhausted and bitter.

Clarke and Raven had been working together on some of the upcoming designs and Lexa had begun to worry it was taking too much of a toll on Clarke. When Lexa did manage to talk to her without her removing an article of clothing, she lamented about all kinds of complications they kept running into.

Lexa knew they were hiding something from her and she was done waiting. She’d tried asking Clarke again and again but whatever it was had her girlfriend on edge. No matter how she approached her about it, she refused to admit anything was wrong, or completely derailed Lexa’ focus.

So, Lexa decided she was going to give Clarke a taste of her own medicine.

The door to their room slid open and Clarke walked in rubbing her eyes.

“Lex, I don’t know about you, but I’m–”

She looked around and her eyes widened at the dim lighting and the candles spread around the room.

But what really took the cake was the way her jaw dropped when she saw Lexa, or more accurately, Lexa topless, only wearing very short sleep shorts and her chest bindings.

“You’re what?”

“Uh, wow.” Clarke’s spacey expression only served to make Lexa’s smirk grow.

“You’re what, Clarke?” Lexa made sure to click the ‘k’ in a way she knew drove Clarke crazy.

“I forgot.” She reached forward to place her hands on Lexa’s hips, but the commander turned away and almost lost her cool at the cute, little whine Clarke made.

“What were you doing today, Clarke?” It worked like a charm. Clarke was too distracted to realize what she was doing and became completely helpless at the sight of the commander.

“Thinking about this.” Smooth. Maybe this wasn’t as effective as I thought.

“All day?” She looked at Clarke over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. Clarke looked like she was about to drag Lexa over to the bed. “Don’t you have actual work?”

“What can I say, no one can multitask like me.” She placed her thumb and first finger in her mouth and put out a candle without ever taking her eyes off Lexa.

It may have seemed silly, but it brought a ridiculous smile to Lexa’s face.

Clarke had been oddly excited when she saw candles in Polis. She wanted to put them out with her fingers like she once saw in a movie. The first few times, she couldn’t get it and nearly burnt her fingertips, but since then, she would put out almost any candle she could get her hands on. Usually, Lexa found it both annoying and endearing. Right now, she just found it hot (pun absolutely intended).

“Show me?” Lexa found herself watching Clarke’s hand slowly drag across the desk with the candles before tracing the hem of her shirt. Clarke started to lift it. Slowly, so slowly. Then Lexa realized her mistake.

“No!”

Clarke froze and looked confused.

“No?”

“No.”

“Okay…”

Yeah, this is not going to work. Clarke is not the only one distracted by this plan. Lexa marched over and turned on the harsh overhead lights. She didn’t like the too-bright, too-cold Skaikru lights. Stopping only to blow out the candles. Clarke looked hurt when she walked right by her.

“Lex–”

“You are hiding something from me.”

She’s putting her walls up. Lexa noticed. Clarke dropped her hand from her shirt. She stood taller and refused to make eye contact with Lexa. Which had her looking around the room at the candles and rose petals.

Lexa groaned internally. Why did I have to be so cliche?

“Were you trying to seduce me to tell you? Why would you stop–” Clarke let out a loud laugh and turned to Lexa triumphantly.

“It worked too well, didn’t it?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, babe. This is too cute.” Clarke’s soft smile and shining eyes drew Lexa in as Clarke stepped closer. Of course, now she realized what her girlfriend’s plan was.

“Hey! None of that.”

The blonde hung her head and faced Lexa with a wary look.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Clarke let out a sigh and wrapped Lexa into a hug. The way their bodies fit together filled Lexa with comfort. She only hoped it did the same for Clarke.

“What is wrong, love? I am here for you, you know that, right? This is not some fling for me.”

“It’s bigger than that.” Clarke agreed. “I know. I feel it too. I–I’m scared, Lex.”

“Of what?”

“Alie.”

Lexa tightened her grip and kissed Clarke’s shoulder. She’d been waking up with horrible nightmares the past couple of days. Lexa knew this was taking a toll on her, but she refused to talk about it.

“She can not make you do anything anymore.”

“How do you know?” The usually unflappable woman was practically shaking in her girlfriend’s arms.

“I will not let her. We got rid of her, she is gone.”

“What if she left something behind?”

“Like what?”

“Me and Raven.”

Then she made a mistake messing with the two of you, Lexa wanted to say. That wasn’t what Clarke wanted to hear. Alie had bested Clarke once before.

“What do you mean?”

“She gave us skills and information we didn’t have before. We can both code. Raven was already crazy intelligent, but now Sinclair can’t even keep up with her thought process, I have all of the Ark’s medical files in my head and know more about healing and the human body than my mom, but what if that’s not all she left behind?”

“You think she can try to take over again?”

“I think she can still hurt us.”

Lexa sighed and cursed herself. That video of Clarke submitting to Alie .

“Brain damage.”

Lexa felt Clarke nod into her shoulder. Tears started to wet her shirt.

“Abby told me a little about it when we sent the others to get you. She said it affects everyone differently and a lot depends on how severe it is.”

“All that information she put in our heads, I think it’s hurting us.”

“What do we do?”

“Rae and I are trying to find Becca’s old labs. She might have some equipment that can help us learn more about it.”

“What can I do?”

“We need maps and everything we can find about the City of Light. Jaha won’t take us there and Murphy left to find Emori in Polis.”

Lexa squeezed Clarke once more before pulling away. Clarke looked heartbroken, but Lexa soothed it with a kiss before grabbing her radio.

“Heda?” Indra’s confused voice came over the radio. They had already had their call for the day.

“Indra, Murphy has been helping you while you look for his girlfriend, right?”

“Yes, he found her yesterday and they were arrested almost immediately.”

“Of course they were.” Clarke chimed in.

“I want them escorted to me. Immediately.”

“Yes, Heda.” Indra didn’t bother arguing.

Lexa set the radio down and turned off the lights. One by one she blew out the candles and pulled Clarke to bed with her.

“Tonight we rest, tomorrow we fight. I love you, Clarke.”

“I love you, too.”

_________

Lexa ducked just in time to avoid Clarke’s fist. The blonde put too much power and almost brought herself to the ground.

She let a surprised chuckle slip from her mouth.

“You nearly had that one.”

Abby cleared Lexa for sparing early in the morning. She woke Clarke up at the crack of dawn and pulled her outside to train. Her grumpy attitude slowly slipped away with every punch and little dance to escape.

“Don’t get too cocky, Heda. I’ll get a lucky hit in one of these tries.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

If there was one thing Clarke knew, it was how to short circuit her sexy, arrogant girlfriend’s mind.

“Oh, I don’t plan on sleeping much tonight.”

Perfect. Lexa’s excited eyes locked on Clarke and missed the foot coming at her leg.

Or not. She caught it without looking away from Clarke, and knocked her down. Ever the gentlewoman, Lexa carefully lowered Clarke to the ground so she didn’t crash down.

“Count on it.” Lexa’s voice was breathless.

Without another thought, Clarke leaned up and captured Lexa’s lips.

“Clarke?”

Right. They were outside where anyone could see. She needed to tone it down. It probably wasn’t the best for everyone to see Heda engaged in PDA.

“Clarke?” The voice tried again.

With a massive eye roll, Clarke pulled away and looked up to see someone she never thought she’d see again.

“Dad?!”

Chapter Text

“Clarke.” Her dad choked out. Tears started falling down her face to match his.

“How–how are you alive?” She scrambled out from under Lexa and crashed into him.

“It was a trick, all an awful trick, Clarke. I’m here, I’m alive. You’ve been strong for so long, sweetheart. I can help now.”

“Dad.” Clarke sobbed into his chest. She pulled him closer and promised herself she wouldn’t be letting go anytime soon.

Jake Griffin was her best friend. He understood her like no one else. They had the same sense of humor and could almost have an entire conversation without uttering a single word. Part of Clarke went out the airlock the same time he did. She hadn’t even realized how much she missed it until now.

“I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too, sweetheart.”

Jake held Clarke in his arms before Clarke pulled away to gesture to Lexa.

“Dad this is–”

Lexa moved forward to shake his hand, but before she reached him, Lexa froze. She looked at Clarke with a vicious look on her face.

“Go float yourself, Clarke.”

“Lex, what–”

“You can’t have both.”

“Lexa, what are you talking about?”

“If you make the right choice, I won’t let them save you.”

Everything was dark. Clarke began heaving in lungfuls of oxygen. She couldn’t make sense of anything, only that she was laying down on her side.

Why am I on the ground? How did I get here?

The last thing Clarke remembered was Lexa making absolutely no sense, but she was standing, did she pass out?

Why was her head spinning?

“Lex?” Clarke croaked after a few minutes. She was slowly regaining her ability to breathe.

A voice came from over her head. It didn’t really sound like her girlfriend.

“Dad?”

She started coughing. Clarke felt tears run down her face, had she been more aware, she would’ve been furious at herself for crying. As it was, Clarke just felt confused.

What happened to Dad and Lex? Did they just leave me here?

“Clarke!” A muffled voice sounded right in front of her head.

“Dad?” Clarke’s mouth wasn’t cooperating. She just heard a groan from herself. “Dad!”

Light flooded her vision and Clarke pulled back. Hands caught her in place and tried to hold her still. They didn’t need to. She felt too weak to move much.

“Clarke, honey, open your eyes.”

“Is she going to be okay?”

“It’s going to be okay, Clarkie!”

“Take deep breaths, Clarke.”

“Abby, is she going to be okay?!”

“This is what she was worried about.”

Clarke groaned and tried to move away, but it took too much effort. Everything went black all over again.

_________

Lexa darted under Clarke’s guard and tapped the blonde on her side. Clarke huffed in annoyance.

“Seriously?!”

“Did you think you could beat me, Clarke? I am Heda.” Lexa couldn’t keep the playful tone out of her voice. Who was she kidding? She wasn’t even trying.

After Clarke’s confession last night, Lexa resolved to do everything she could to help her girlfriend. At first she was upset that Clarke hadn’t come straight to her, but she started to think about it from Clarke’s point of view. Lexa would’ve tried to see if she could handle it and bring the problem to the attention of the others after she had a possible solution. Now, Lexa was just scared. Murphy was due to arrive soon and hopefully he would have some ideas. If he didn’t, she swore she would find a solution herself. She didn’t understand all of the medical information like Clarke, but Lexa understood fighting. And come hell or high water, she would fight for Clarke.

Right now, that meant distracting her. And maybe burning off a little too much energy. Once Clarke had actually woken up, she had been just as excited as her girlfriend at the prospect of sparing.

Lexa ducked under one of Clarke’s punches and went in for a light kick. Clarke pulled back just in time.

“You’re cute when you're cocky.”

“It’s one of my many redeeming qualities.” Only one person could draw the playful side out of Lexa and she was desperately avoiding the brunette’s fists.

Clarke’s face split in a grin before she moved back to the offensive.

She lured Lexa in with a fake before almost catching her face with her actual punch. Fortunately for Lexa, she had trained for many years to counter such attacks.

She ducked down and watched the punch get away from Clarke who tripped and ended up on the ground.

“You nearly had that one.” She chuckled.

Clarke made no move to get up.

“Clarke?”

Her body began shaking violently.

“Clarke!” Lexa’s shout caught the attention of those around them; they started calling a medic when they saw Lexa’s panicked state. “Help! Abby! Someone bring me Abby!”

Raven came over and her jaw dropped slightly.

“Clarke?” She whimpered.

“Raven, what is happening to her?”

“A seizure.”

Fortunately it wasn’t long before Abby raced to them. She dropped to her knees and moved Clarke so she was laying on her side. Lexa moved forward to hold Clarke down.

“No! Don’t try to restrict her movements, it’ll only hurt her.”

Lexa crouched down and watched helplessly as blood leaked out of Clarke’s mouth.

“Abby!” Lexa pointed.

Abby muttered something under her breath before yanking off her jacket. She stuffed it under Clarke’s head.

“It’s okay, Lexa. She probably just bit her tongue.”

The shaking finally stopped and Lexa sank down next to Clarke who started trying to breathe. The desperate gasp that accompanied every inhale broke Lexa’s heart.

“This is all normal, Lexa.” Abby soothed.

“I’m here, Clarke.” Lexa started running her fingers through the blonde hair. Determined to provide some comfort. “It’s okay, we’ve got you.”

Her breathing slowly started to sound better, but there was still a wheeze accompanying it.

Clarke’s eyes were moving under her eyelids, Lexa hoped that meant she would wake soon.

“Clarke!”

She let out a groan and tried to open her eyes. The moment her eyelids let in the sun, they snapped shut. She shifted back slightly into Lexa’s waiting hands.

“Clarke, honey, open your eyes.” Abby coaxed.

“Is she going to be okay?” Lexa demanded.

Another groan filled the air.

“It’s going to be okay, Clarkie!” Raven seemed to overcome her frozen state and knelt next to Lexa. She put one arm around the commander and another on Clarke’s shoulder. If she tried that at any other moment, Lexa would have shoved her away, but she didn’t care about something as silly as her reputation when she was worried Clarke was dying right in front of her.

“Take deep breaths, Clarke.” Abby instructed over her daughter’s labored breathing.

“Abby, is she going to be okay?!” Lexa felt fear creep over her and grabbed Raven’s hand on her shoulder. She didn’t normally seek out comfort from anyone other than Clarke, but she needed to know someone was with her.

A look of understanding settled on the mechanic’s face. “This is what she was worried about.”

“Explain. Now.” Abby snapped.

“The brain damage from Alie. Clarke was scared it would impact us. Could this be that?”

Abby gaped, obviously trying to figure out why Clarke hadn’t said anything. “Possibly. We don’t have the equipment to know for sure.”

“We will.” Lexa said. Raven looked at her curiously but Lexa ignored her and focused all of her attention on Clarke.

Lexa leaned forward to check over Clarke again.

A little blood ran from her mouth down her cheek and pooled on the ground. Her breathing seemed to have evened out and she wasn’t making anymore pain filled noises.

“Let’s get her to med bay.” Abby stood up and ordered a few people to bring her a stretcher.

Lexa helped carry Clarke to the med bay, only letting go of her hand to hold the stretcher.

“Lex?” Her voice was so quiet Lexa would’ve missed it if she hadn't been so in tune with Clarke.

“It’s okay. I’m here.”

“What…happened?” Lexa raked her eyes over Clarke’s face, waiting for her to pop up and insist she could walk there herself, but she didn’t even open her eyes.

“You had a seizure. We’re on our way to med bay right now.”

“‘Kay.”

Clarke didn’t say anything else after that so Lexa just reached forward and grabbed her hand. She felt Clarke’s weak squeeze and returned it with one of her own.

“Rest, Clarke. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

They’ll be okay. Lexa is going to make sure of it.

_________

Murphy waltzed into the med bay like he owned the place. A woman followed behind him and her eyes widened comically when she spotted Lexa.

“Heda.” She whispered reverently as she dropped to one knee.

“Stand…” Lexa looked at her pointedly.

“Emori, Heda.”

“Stand, Emori. We are all friends here. Murphy kom Skaikru, I am in your debt again.”

“Yeah, thanks for the bail out, by the way.”

“If you can help us fix this, you will want for nothing.“

Murphy and Emori exchanged a shocked, but pleased smile.

“We can certainly arrange something,” Murphy drawled. “What do you need?”

“Take us to where Jaha found Alie.”

The smirk faded from Murphy’s face.

“We had to cross the dead zone to get there.”

“And this time you will do it with proper provisions.” Lexa’s orders left no room for negotiation.

Murphy didn’t even seem to question it. He exchanged a wary glance with Emori and nodded.

“Okay. I guess we’re out on an adventure.”

“Lex?” Clarke croaked out.

Lexa spun towards Clarke. She hadn’t released her hand since Abby had finished with her.

Her blue eyes slowly blinked open.

“What happened to you, Griff?” Murphy asked. He pretended to seem unconcerned, but Lexa could hear the slight fear in his voice. She didn’t blame him.

Since Lexa had met Clarke, the blonde seemed to be an unstoppable force. She was a woman to be reckoned with and who would fight tooth and nail to win her battles.

Now, she looked so small. Her pale skin and tired eyes only added to the effect.

“Heard you were coming and tried to escape.” Clarke whispered. She looked weak, but was trying not to show it. Fortunately no one was going to call her on it.

“And look how well that went. You can barely speak.” Murphy snorted.

Or maybe not everyone is smart enough to leave well enough alone. Lexa was already deciding on the best place to hide his body if Clarke gets mad as she waited for her girlfriend’s reaction.

To her surprise, Clarke chuckled lightly.

“Next time, I’ll make sure my escape plan is better.”

“So we’re headed to Alie’s humble abode.”

“No, Clarke, Lexa, and Raven aren’t going anywhere.”

“I’m fine, Mom.” Clarke argued.

“No, I want to know what’s going on. Could this happen again, Clarke?”

The woman in question tried to move up off the bed and glared at Lexa when she put up a hand to stop her.

“Answer the question, Clarke.”

“I don’t know, and I won’t know, until we go to the island and run some tests. This could be a fluke–”

“Or a sign of something else.” Abby cut in.

“For now though, my vitals are where they’re expected to be so there’s not much to worry about.”

Lexa didn’t bother holding back the disbelieving laugh that bubbled up.

“Not much to worry about?”

“I’m okay, Lexa.”

“For now you are!”

“That’s why we are going to head out and get the equipment we need.”

“What if we don’t, Clarke?! What if this is all we have?” Lexa gestured to the tech around them. Locking her eyes on Clarke made it easier to ignore the fact that they had an audience. Lexa stiffened. We have an audience. They can’t see Heda losing her cool like this.

“Murphy, tell Abby what to expect on the trip. Abby, work with Kane and prepare a way for us to travel safely. Have Kane get some of the guards ready to travel with us. Leave us.”

Abby opened her mouth to argue, but Lexa fixed her with a vicious scowl. She glared back but left the room with the rest of them. The moment the doors closed, Lexa let out a deep sigh.

“I’m okay, Lexa.”

Lexa just shook her head, trying, and failing, to escape her own emotions.

“I’m not going anywhere, we’re fighting this.”

“I understand why you didn’t tell me, but it feels too soon.”

“Like I told you too soon?” Clarke seemed to have trouble making sense of her words.

“No, it happened too soon. I thought–Clarke, I thought you were dying.”

Clarke tugged Lexa close and wrapped her arms around her.

“I’m okay.”

“For now.” Lexa croaked after a moment.

“We’ll figure this out. We have to head out the moment everyone is ready.”

Lexa placed a kiss on the top of Clarke’s head. Partly to reassure herself and partly to hide her tears.

“I’ll go hurry them up.” Lexa pulled herself away but stopped when a hand caught her wrist.

“Stay? Please.”

With a small smile, Lexa laid herself on the bed where Clarke made room. She wrapped her arms around Clarke and buried her face in her neck.

“ Our fight is not over, Commander. ”

_________

For the tenth time that morning (minimum), Clarke rolled her eyes.

Lexa counted with an exhausted glare.

Clarke raised an eyebrow and Lexa rolled her eyes.

The silent conversation had been exchanged again and again all morning. It always started when Lexa or anyone else tried to stop Clarke from doing something. They kept treating her like she was fragile and it was quickly wearing on Clarke’s nerves.

I can do this, stop trying to stop me. Eye roll.

You had a seizure yesterday and have brain damage, let me help you. Glare.

I’m fine. I can do this right now, got it? Eyebrow.

You are obnoxiously stubborn. Eye roll.

Whether or not Clarke could actually do it was irrelevant. She hated the thought of Lexa and all of her friends and family thinking she was weak. She couldn’t afford to be weak, she had to find a solution, and there was no way she would let herself be a liability.

So, Clarke pushed herself until she was feeling slightly woozy but wouldn’t admit it. They finally had everything loaded in the rover and were ready to head out.

Clarke actually accepted the hand Lexa offered to help her into the rover. She tucked herself into the commander’s side and settled down for the journey. Exhaustion swept through her and even someone as stubborn as Clarke Griffin eventually had to give in. She slept practically the whole way. The hum of the rover and Lexa’s fingers carding through her hair lured her to sleep after only having been awake for a couple of hours.

_________

The next time Clarke awoke, Lexa was helping her onto the boat.

She was looking worse every day. Despite how much sleep she had been getting, the bags under her eyes were growing and she seemed to just be getting more and more exhausted.

With only a few seats available on the boat Lexa glared at anyone who tried to take one until Clarke and Raven had both gotten settled. Clarke leaned back and fought off her exhaustion for a few minutes before giving in.

Clarke could nod off within minutes of settling down, but Raven was becoming more and more amped each day. Her good leg wouldn’t stop bouncing up and down and she always had something to fiddle with in her hands.

Lexa didn’t understand the differences the injury brought out in the two of them, but Abby had informed her the condition manifested differently in each person. Both, however, were getting worse.

Abby had been monitoring each of them closely since she found out. She was hovering over them for the entire journey. Although not the only concerned party, she and Jackson were the only ones who knew what to do to treat the symptoms as each presented. But like the rest of them, they were no closer to fixing the problem.

Lexa leaned against the rail of the ship and placed a protective arm over Clarke. She carefully maneuvered the blonde to lean against her side. Clarke let out a content sigh. If Lexa wasn’t Heda and hadn’t been trained to hide her emotions since she was a child, the entire ship would’ve seen a dopey smile spread across her face. As it was, only Raven and Murphy noticed the slight quirk of the corner of her lip.

She straightened up and stared at the water around them. Slowly they made their way further and further from the shore until Lexa couldn’t see land anymore.

The trip passed mostly in silence. Murphy, Emori, and Raven spoke in quiet tones, but there seemed to be an unspoken rule to keep quiet. Land appeared and came closer and closer. Lexa felt her shoulders drop slightly in relief. She could swim just fine, but all her life had been spent on land. The only time it hadn’t was when she visited Flokru and even then she never witnessed the journey.

Jackson settled the boat next to the dock before leading the way off. He looked as relieved as Lexa felt.

After some gentle prodding (and a few whispered promises), Clarke woke up and made her way off the boat. Lexa never more than a couple steps away.

White posts stuck out from the ground and they all stopped at the border they seemed to make. Murphy rolled his eyes at them all and crossed the line. After seeing him still standing, the rest joined him on the other side and continued to trudge forward towards the tree line.

A buzzing noise drew Lexa’s attention. The group turned to find something flying in the air.

“What is that?” Lexa asked. She carefully moved Clarke behind her.

“It’s a drone, but I don’t–” Raven was cut off by the sound of a shot and one of the guards falling to the ground.

Everyone scattered to cover as quickly as they could. Lexa pushed Clarke into a cave before following herself.

They took a few ragged breaths before Lexa chanced it and looked outside.

There was no cover between them and the outside. If the drone descended and spotted them, there was nothing to protect them.

_________

Clarke stumbled into the cave with Lexa tumbling in right after. The drone continued to buzz just overhead.

“This is bad.” Lexa had a rare fearful expression on her face.

“You think?” Clarke hissed back, but Lexa just ignored her. Then Clarke saw how bad things were.

The drone whirred into sight, and Clarke sprung into action.

Before Lexa even had time to blink, her body was being shielded by Clarke. Clarke who had shoved her to the ground and stood over her, completely protecting her.

“No!” Lexa called.

A sharp whistle cut through the air. Pulling the attention of the drone away just in time. Clarke only celebrated for a moment because when she turned, she realized just who had traded her life for theirs.

“Dad!” She screamed.

It wasn’t real before, but it was this time. It had to be. He was standing there in the forest just as real as Lexa beside her. Jake Griffin had come just in the nick of time.

“No!” She picked up a rock and threw it at the drone. Despite hitting it, the drone just continued to slowly hover towards her dad.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. It’s me or Lexa you have to choose.”

“What?! No! Both of you can get out of here. Let me distract it.”

“That is not how this works, Clarke.” Lexa rested her hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

“No, both of you run! Hey! Over here!” Clarke turned her attention to the drone, but watched as it shot Jake then spun and hit Lexa.

Clarke dropped to her knees beside Lexa. Tears, yet again, streaming down her face while she watched the women she loved gasp for breath.

“We will survive this, Clarke.”

Too consumed by panic to do anything else, Clarke applied pressure to Lexa’s wound and didn’t even try to hold back her sobs.

“I can’t lose you. Not again.”

“You will not lose me. I will not leave you.”

Clarke collapsed onto Lexa, clinging onto her for dear life. She sobbed while remembering how she felt when she thought Lexa died. How she felt when she came to and saw Raven clutching the knife Clarke had put in her stomach. Her father flying out the airlock and being shot down by a killer drone.

“We will get through this.” Lexa soothed, the pain gone from her voice. “We can face this.”

Clarke let the sobs die out and let her lose herself in Lexa’s arms.

_________

“Alright, Clarke, if we can get to those rocks over there, we will have enough cover until Raven finishes whatever she’s doing.”

Raven’s ‘I’ve got an idea!’ came just moments earlier. Lexa hadn’t stopped scanning the area for good cover. There was nothing perfect, but this would buy them enough time. She could sprint forward and get herself and Clarke to the rock. Worst case scenario, she would cover Clarke with her own body. As long as Clarke survived, Lexa could die knowing her love was all right.

She’d never tell Clarke that, of course. They didn’t have enough time to argue about who should sacrifice their life for whom.

Lexa spun to find Clarke on the floor of the cave shaking like she had before.

“No!” Lexa dropped next to Clarke and turned her on her side like Abby had instructed.

“Help!” She shouted out, desperately hoping Abby or Jackson would miraculously appear. Fortunately, it seemed luck was finally on her side.

“Commander?” Came Abby’s reply.

“It’s alright, Clarke.” Lexa soothed as her girlfriend stopped her violent shaking. She began drawing in shuddering breaths that made Lexa’s heart clench.

“She had another seizure!” Abby didn’t need more clarification, she had been just as fearful that Clarke would have another episode as Lexa was. “The drone is right above us.”

Silence. Well, silence from the only person who knew how to help Clarke. The drone still buzzed, gunshots were going off in the distance, and Clarke’s labored breathing echoed in the cave.

“Abby?”

“One second.”

Lexa frowned. Abby’s voice sounded closer than it had a moment ago.

“There’s no safe way into the cave.” Lexa called out. She didn’t want Abby to do something stupid that would get all three of them killed.

“Hey!” A rock went sailing up past the entrance while Lexa looked on in horror. No. Abby, no.

Just as the drone spun to fire at Abby, it dropped out of the sky. 

Lexa froze with Clarke still cradled in her arms and Abby immobile on the hill.

“Did that do it?” Raven’s voice called.

It snapped Lexa and Abby out of their haze.

“Yes!” Lexa shouted back.

Abby dropped next to Lexa and helped check Clarke over. The rest of the group joined them, but Lexa sent them onwards, with Emori leading them while Murphy stayed to guide them once Clarke was ready.

Eventually her breathing settled back to normal and her eyes flicked open.

“Lex?” She groaned.

“Hey.” Lexa blinked tears out of her eyes and cradled Clarke’s face. “How are you feeling?”

The blonde huffed what might have been a laugh, “I’ve been better.”

A sigh of relief fell from Lexa’s lips. She ducked her head and pressed her forehead to Clarke’s.

Clarke seemed to understand her need for no words, or couldn’t think of any herself. Abby and Murphy gave them a moment of privacy before Murphy cleared his throat.

“We’ve got to catch up to the others.”

Lexa frowned, she knew that Clarke needed to recover, but they didn’t have that luxury.

Slowly, but surely, the four of them made their way through the forest before stumbling upon the mansion.

“Whoa.” Clarke breathed. Aside from the tower in Polis, she had never seen a building so large.

“Mi casa es su casa.” Murphy waved his hand around the massive grounds.

“What?” Lexa was glad Clarke asked, she hadn’t wanted to appear confused by a Skaikru phrase.

“It means, ‘my house is your house.’ I saw it in a movie once.” He explained. Looking almost sheepish.

Lexa wasn’t sure what a ‘movie’ was, but the explanation seemed to satisfy Clarke who rolled her eyes and muttered, “Dork.”

Murphy snorted. “Nerd.”

“Children.” Abby shot them both a slightly exasperated look before following Murphy inside.

Chapter Text

“I think this bed is better than yours.”

Lexa let out a disbelieving laugh and faced Clarke.

After both a thorough examination by Abby and a very, very steamy shower, both of them were healthy, clean, and exhausted.

Clarke closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Lexa under the covers.

“I’m serious, Lex. I might just be in heaven.”

“First, you were only in my bed for a couple of hours and that was over a month ago, and second, any bed seems like the best bed after sleeping at Arkadia.”

Clarke laughed, pulling Lexa closer into her embrace. Lexa didn’t bother hiding the smile on her face, instead turning closer to Clarke so her girlfriend could see just how happy she was.

“The beds are not that bad.”

“Are you sure we slept on a bed? I do not think that rock hard slab can actually count as a bed.”

The amusement slowly faded and a more serious look fell on Clarke’s face.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just–for just being here. You’re the mighty Heda. If you couldn’t come or couldn’t stay, I wouldn’t blame you–”

“No. No, I am not going anywhere. I chose my people over you once before because I had to. I had to save them from an enemy we had been fighting since well before I was even born. I do not regret saving my people, but I do regret betraying you. I had to make that decision for them. Now, though? I get to make a decision for us. Indra is taking care of the coalition for the moment, and I am choosing to be here with you.”

Lexa delicately wiped the tears from Clarke’s cheeks.

“Your needs are my needs. And more than that, I need you . I love you, Clarke of the Sky People, Clarke Griffin, savior of her people. Clarke, legendary Wanheda. I don’t just love one part of you, every version of you has captured my heart. I do not intend to waste that opportunity.”

Clarke surged forward, their lips meeting in a tender kiss.

“That goes both ways, you know.” Clarke pulled away. “I love Lexa, the person behind the mask, but I also love Heda. I may argue with her more, but I love and admire everything you are. I wish more people knew what you do for them. The way you care for and feel for them. I love you, Lexa kom Trikru.”

That night, sleep overcame them as they continued to whisper sweet nothings and loving promises into the dark.

_________

“AH!” Raven shouted her frustration as she swept their notes and plans off the table.

Clarke gently massaged her own temples as Lexa hovered over her. They’d spent the four days running as many tests as they could. They knew the seizures were a result of strokes Alie’s brain damage had caused. The most important thing though was they had no idea how to fix it.

Raven had her first seizure hours earlier and Clarke was getting worse everyday. If they didn’t figure out how to stop it soon, they were going to lose one or both of them.

Lexa shook her head, she was not going to lose Clarke.

“Are you alright?” She whispered as Abby comforted Raven. Clarke stiffened and looked at something over Abby’s shoulder.

“What?”

“Are you alright?” As if that reaction didn’t already give me the answer.

“Uh, yeah. Fine. I’ll be back later.” Clarke didn’t offer any more information before turning and leaving the room.

“We’ll figure this out, we’ve still got time.” Abby gently rubbed Raven’s arm, but Raven pulled away harshly.

“Do we? Clarke couldn’t stay awake to save her life and now hasn’t slept in two days! Anytime she looks at one of us she flinches because of the stupid ark medical files Alie flooded her brain with! How much longer does she have?! I’m not that far behind, Abby!” Another pile of documents went flying off the table.

Lexa clenched her jaw at the mention of Clarke’s status. Like she had been doing for the past few days when that came up, she swallowed down her emotions and reminded herself Clarke’s fight wasn’t over.

Does Clarke know that? Is that why she stepped out?

Clarke had continued to agree with Lexa and insisted there was still more they could do, but she was scared. Everyone could see it.

With a small nod, she excused herself and walked off to find Clarke.

“No, no, that won’t work.” Clarke’s quiet voice interrupted her desperate search. Just as Lexa was going to enter the room, she heard something that stopped her in her tracks.

“Stop, Dad. Just stop!”

Lexa carefully peeked into the room and watched Clarke shake her head at a corner in the room.

“It’s not like I can just press pause! This is the human body we’re talking about! Not an old soccer game.”

Lexa’s heart sank as Clarke stopped and seemed to actually listen to a response. Like when she was talking to Alie, but this was different. This was her dad, and as far as Lexa knew, he wasn’t an evil AI program.

That left one obvious explanation. An explanation that Lexa shook off.

Clarke had lost it.

They were out of time.

_________

“You can’t avoid me, Clarke.”

The words may not have sounded malicious, and they probably weren’t, but she still shouldn’t be seeing Jake Griffin standing in the room with her.

“That’s because you’re not my dad, you’re a subconscious manifestation of him.”

“Is that all I am to you?” His teasing tone broke through her gloomy mood for a moment before Clarke helpfully reminded herself, you’re going insane!

“Leave me alone.”

“I can’t do that.”

“And why not?”

“Because I didn’t die for you to just give up when you came to the ground.”

Clarke laughed in disbelief. “Give up? I’ve done nothing but refuse to give up and keep fighting. Look where it got me, hallucinating my dead dad and well on my way to joining him!”

“You’re not going to be joining me anytime soon.”

“Stop, Dad. Just stop!”

“We can fix this. We need to contain the damage and treat the symptoms. If we can sort of pause the progress–”

“It’s not like I can just press pause! This is the human body we’re talking about! Not an old soccer game.”

“I know that, but you also know the brain is remarkable. If you can find a way to give it enough time to cool off, you might be able to repair at least some of the damage.”

“I don’t even know how we’d go about fixing it, and that’s assuming we can even get it to stop spreading!”

“Okay, but that’s all we have to work with. We need to figure out how to stop it from getting worse.” Jake patiently argued.

“How? How do we just freeze the brain? It doesn’t work like that, the human mind never stops functioning and as long as it is, it’s going to just get worse.”

“What if we make it stop?”

Clarke jumped and spun to see Raven walk in with an apologetic look on her face.

She ducked her head and tried to hide her tears. As soon as she saw her father standing in the room with them, Clarke left. She didn’t want anyone to see her descent into madness, but it seemed like Raven did. And, oh great. Lexa and her mom walked into the room too.

Raven shot her a pitying look, that’s how Clarke knew it was bad. Lexa crept up and wrapped herself around Clarke.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see this.” Her voice shook just trying to get the words out.

“What if we make it stop?” Raven repeated.

“What?”

“You said it, we need to stop it, Alie left some kind of excess code in our heads. We need to purge it. If it was a computer, we’d turn it off and back on. It’d stop the progress and expunge what was killing us!”

“How?” Lexa asked.

“We stop all electrical signals to the brain.”

“That would be fifteen minutes where you’re brain dead, Raven.” Clarke immediately shot down the idea.

Raven paced for a second before spinning back to them.

“I think I have an idea.”

_________

“I do not like this.” Lexa growled for the third time in as many minutes.

Clarke watched her girlfriend pace back and forth at the end of the bed. She had half a mind to just shut off the light beside her, but she knew Lexa wouldn’t stop.

“It’s the only chance we have, Lex.”

The commander scoffed but never stopped her pacing.

Clarke sighed and moved to get out of bed. Before she was even propped up all the way, Lexa appeared at her side with a concerned look.

“What are you doing? You need to rest.”

“Come to bed.”

Lexa considered Clarke for a moment before relenting with a sigh.

As soon as the covers were around them, Clarke shut off the light with a quiet click. Some things were easier to face in the dark. Raven’s idea was definitely one of those things.

The silence only lasted for a minute before Lexa couldn’t help herself.

“I do not like this.”

“I know.”

“Why are you not more upset about this?”

“Because I don’t have another choice. If I don’t do this, I’m as good as dead, if I do, there’s a good chance I die anyway, but I also have a chance to survive. That’s it. There’s no reason for me to freak out. All that does is make me miserable.”

“We have more time to find something less dangerous.”

“No, we don’t. I can’t even go down to the lab anymore. As soon as I see anyone from Skaikru, their entire medical history and every solution or diagnosis for their injuries or illnesses flashes through my head. I can’t even look at scars on my own body without a headache forming. Whether we like it or not, this is it, Lex.”

Lexa sighed and grabbed one of Clarke’s hands in both of her own. She lifted it to her mouth and let it rest there for a moment while she steeled herself. The hand broke away to wipe the tears from her cheeks before falling back into her embrace.

“Okay, walk me through it again.”

“We have to stop my brain from working for fifteen minutes.” Lexa remembered Raven had said something about electrical signals, but she had also been talking about the head so she had Clarke break it down for her without knowledge of everything that was actually happening. A desperate part of her didn’t want to know everything that was happening in Clarke’s body as they killed her.

Because that’s what this was, they were going to kill Clarke to save her.

The contradiction made Lexa physically sick, but she trusted her girlfriend. She had to because Clarke was going to be okay. There wasn’t another option. Clarke was going to be okay.

“I’ll go into an ice bath that will do exactly that. Once the fifteen minutes are up, everybody will pull me out.”

“Your heart will not be working.”

“No, it won’t, but we’ll have the machine to fix it right there. Just like you saw us do with Lincoln, we’ll use the electricity in the machine to get my heart working again.”

“I wish Raven could do it.”

“I know, but if things go wrong, you’ll need her around to fix it for when she goes.”

Lexa sighed and squeezed Clarke’s hand.

“That is not the only reason you have insisted on going first.”

“I’m going to make sure it’s safe before she does it.”

“Clarke–”

“You’d do the same for your people.”

“I was going to say, I understand. I do not like it. As a matter of fact, I hate it. But I do understand.”

“Thank you. No matter what happens tomorrow, I need to make sure you know that I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Lexa pulled Clarke into her chest. Normally Clarke was the big spoon, but tonight Lexa needed to hold Clarke. She needed to know she was still there, still breathing.

_________

The next morning came too soon. Lexa helped Clarke get ready, her increasingly poor health was making basic tasks more difficult than they really needed to be, but she could still get ready just fine. Lexa needed to dote on her, to care for her and Clarke understood.

She patiently waited as Lexa helped her stand, offered her arm as they walked through the house, scooped breakfast for the two of them, and shot her anxious looks.

Slowly but surely they arrived at the lab.

Each face looked more somber than the rest, but Clarke made sure to squeeze Lexa’s hand before her mom sent her away with some undergarments to change into.

Despite the dire circumstances, Clarke couldn’t help the feeling of pride that came over her as Lexa’s eyes raked up and down her body. The clothing, or lack thereof, was necessary for the procedure, she had told Lexa. Still it felt nice that the air had shifted somewhat from the depressing feeling to now annoyance at Clarke and Lexa.

Raven eyed the two of them before smirking wickedly.

“Looking good, Griffin!”

Clarke laughed at the comment, then again at the glare Lexa shot the mechanic.

Lexa gently placed her hand at the small of Clarke’s back before leading her down the stairs and towards the tank they had set up.

Abby wiped away the tears on her face before placing all kinds of wires on Clarke. She held out an oxygen mask, but Clarke blocked her hand.

Lexa saw what Clarke intended and met her in the middle. Their heated kiss surely made some of the others look away, but Clarke didn’t care. They pulled away but kept their foreheads connected.

“This isn’t goodbye, okay?” She rasped.

“This is not goodbye. I will see you in fifteen minutes.”

“And not a second later. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Clarke reluctantly pulled back. She took in her girlfriend once more before sliding the mask down over her face and climbing into the tank. Even the shock of the water wasn’t enough to drown out her fears. She placed her hand against the tank.

Lexa’s hand matched hers, but another figure stood behind her.

Dad.

Saving herself meant never seeing her father again. It was necessary, but it still hurt to know this was it.

She may not have said goodbye to her girlfriend, but she was losing someone incredibly important to her.

Someone who, during bouts of illness induced insanity, she had come to think of as back in her life. At moments, it had boiled down to a choice, her father and freedom from all the pain she had discovered since arriving at the ground or Lexa, and the hope for the future her girlfriend inspired in her.

It was both an easy and an impossibly hard choice.

When clarity eventually struck her mind, Clarke remembered all her father had done for her. She knew with absolute certainty that he would’ve loved Lexa and would want Clarke to build a life with her.

She refused to say goodbye to Lexa even as the thought that this might be it hit her.

Clarke had said goodbye today, but not to who any of her friends expected.

I love you, Dad. May we meet again.

_________

Fourteen minutes. Clarke had been floating in the tank for fourteen minutes.

Murphy, Miller, Jackson, and Lexa were all set up and ready to pull Clarke from the tub at Abby’s signal. Every part of Lexa screamed in desperation for it to be over, for Clarke to be freed from her watery prison. But she was also filled with dread. As soon as they pulled her out, there was no more buffer between Clarke and death. She was either going to survive this or not and they wouldn’t know until they hoisted her out.

Murphy shot her a look that said he knew what she was thinking. He blew out an exaggerated exhale until Lexa did the same.

Abby had snapped a few minutes in and tried to break the tank, but Lexa held her back. She understood the desperation the older woman felt, but as Clarke had bluntly stated, if this didn’t happen she was going to die.

Still, she wished she could let Abby save her love. A few times when Lexa had looked at Clarke floating in the water, she had wanted to break her out as well. The only thing that stopped her was the knowledge that doing so was condemning Clarke to death.

Now, they just had to see if it was worth it. If they made the right choice or sent Clarke to her execution.

“Out!” Abby ordered.

Without any hesitation, they all reached into the freezing cold water and grabbed a limb. Clarke was lifted from the tub and gently set on the stretcher Abby had wheeled out.

Clarke clawed at her chest, her eyes wide with fear.

Lexa pulled one arm back as Murphy grabbed the other.

Clarke was alive, but they had to work fast to keep it that way. Abby had spent almost the entire time her daughter was underwater repeating the plan to them over and over again.

Get Clarke out.

Get her on the gurney.

Attach the machine to her chest.

Move back.

Save Clarke.

Lexa kept her panic down as Abby carefully attached the pads to Clarke’s chest.

“Clear!” Abby called. Everyone moved away and Clarke’s body clenched then went limp.

Lexa waited for Clarke to groan or reach out. Anything to know she was alive, but there was nothing.

“Did it work?”

Murphy and Miller moved to hold her back as Jackson rushed forward. He placed a hand on the side of Clarke’s neck and shot a panicked look at Abby.

“No! NO!” Lexa strained more against the two men holding her back, but she knew there was nothing she could do.

Jackson placed one of his hands over the other and started pressing down on Clarke’s chest rapidly.

“Clear!”

Jackson jumped back and they all watched in horror as Clarke’s body jolted then stilled again.

This time though, Lexa heard a groan.

Murphy and Miller dropped their hold on her. Raven had joined them at some point, but Lexa hadn’t even realized.

She surged forward and took Clarke’s face with both her hands.

“Clarke?”

“Hey.” Clarke croaked up at her.

“Hi.” Lexa laughed.

“It worked.”

“I wish you did not sound so shocked.”

Clarke laughed with her and leaned her face into Lexa’s hands.

They enjoyed their moment before it was broken by Murphy’s triumphant yell.

“Hey, Reyes! You’re up!”

Chapter Text

The ride from Polis to Arkadia felt longer than Lexa remembered it actually being. Of course she knew why, but that didn’t do much to temper her annoyance.

As a part of the Skaikru ambassador delegation, Clarke had already been at Arkadia for two weeks preparing for the Unity Day Ball.

Leaders from all over the coalition, along with their ambassador delegations, had been invited.

Not only was this meant to be a formal apology from Skaikru for the City of Light debacle seven months previous, it would allow other clans the opportunity to see the medical and technological advancements Skaikru brought to the table. Informal trade routes had been utilized to get them through winter, but finalized plans needed to be published soon.

Although it would mean a sudden influx of work that would keep Lexa busy for a while as they hammered out the details, it would make her job easier in the long run.

While Skaikru had been doing their best to fit into the coalition (largely due to the efforts of the ambassador team), Lexa had been waging a war against tradition. The nightbloods would no longer kill one another in the conclave. Instead, they would be voted into power by the ambassadors, their teachers, their guards, and by her nomination based on the strengths they had. The rest would become generals, advisors, or teachers to the next generations of nightbloods.

Sage, a nightblood from the Glowing Forest Clan, had a knack for negotiating trade agreements, so Lexa planned to have her help as they determined the details of this mess.

Many of her nightbloods had been disappointed they couldn’t go with Heda to the Skaikru ball. Clarke, however, promised to bring them all back sweets from the event. Another thing Skaikru could trade. A few ancient recipes had survived the journey to and from space. Lexa could confidently say that was the only food Skaikru could offer the clans without them turning away.

Of course Clarke hadn’t offered candy out of the generosity of her heart. She had told Lexa horror stories of children ‘bouncing off the walls’ and ‘vibrating with energy.’ She had insisted the nightbloods would act the same, but Lexa knew her little nightbloods were the most well-behaved children in the entire coalition. Surely they wouldn’t become corrupted by some candy.

Clarke had laughed and responded with a simple, “We’ll see.”

It had only been two weeks, but Lexa missed their silly bickering. She was pulled from her reminiscing as the fence for Arkadia came into view.

Guards shouted greetings from their posts while the gates swung open.

“Quite the welcoming party. I guess they like you now, or they just don’t want to get on your bad side.” Murphy drawled beside her.

“John!” Emori scolded.

Another new addition to the tower. Shockingly Polis’ crime rate was at an all time low with Heda’s personally employed thieves wandering the markets. They were paid the ‘big bucks’ (Murphy’s words) to discreetly steal back stolen items.

After they were caught stealing ( again ), Clarke had lectured them both into accepting Lexa’s offer before they landed themselves in real trouble ( again ).

It was nice to have them in the tower, even if Lexa had caught Murphy teaching the nightbloods how to pickpocket.

“Heda,” Lexa’s favorite voice spoke just before her snipe back at Murphy. Clarke bowed at them before rising back up. “You’ll be staying in a suite further from others for your protection.”

“Thank you, Ambassador.”

“You’re welcome, Heda. Come find me when you’re ready.”

Murphy and Emori rolled their eyes at Clarke’s retreating back. The two women had yet to officially announce their relationship, but it was the worst kept secret in Polis.

Murphy was convinced the secrecy thrilled and amused them. Emori teased Clarkke relentlessly, but was still too scared Lexa would change her mind and arrest them to pester her.

Lexa knew it was for Clarke’s protection, but she also knew that was a moot point if everyone already knew the truth.

They quickly handed off their horses and met Clarke. She led each member of the group to their respective rooms before taking Lexa to her own.

“I thought I was supposed to be kept from others for my protection.” Lexa smirked while she took in their usual room on the Ark.

“Well I could always get someone else to guard–”

Lexa cut her off with a passionate kiss. Clarke’s arms wrapped around Lexa and pulled her closer.

Eventually Clarke broke away.

“I have to go finish getting things ready,” she whispered into the air between them. “Lincoln will pick you up in a few hours for the party.”

“I will see you then.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand before slipping away with a regretful look.

_________

Only two hours later, a hurricane swept into the room. Hurricane Raven to be exact.

“Please tell me that’s not what you’re wearing.”

Lexa sighed, “Hello, Raven.”

As much of an act as Lexa put on, she actually had become good friends with the girl.

“Be nice, Rae.” Bellamy scolded. He carried an odd shaped bag with him.

The only reason he wasn’t dead for attacking the grounder army was because he had saved Indra’s life. He accepted his punishment of twenty-five years of servitude to Trikru with grace. One month for each life lost in the massacre.

He spent the last five months learning all he could about the woods clan and was hoping to be a teacher when he finished serving his time. As Indra’s personal servant, he had come along to the celebration to tend to her and perform any duties she saw fit.

“I’m just trying to say, we have something way better for you.” She snatched the bag from Bellamy’s hands and waved it at Lexa.

“What is it?” It hadn’t taken long for her to become suspicious of any ‘gifts’ from the mechanic.

“A dress. Made by a Trikru seamstress.” Bellamy seemed proud.

Lexa, however, eyed herself in the mirror. Was there something wrong with what she was wearing? It was the same dress she wore last time Wanheda bowed to her.

Bellamy seemed to sense her hesitation and cut in before Raven could speak up.

“Emori designed it. It’s a surprise for you. You don’t have to wear it, but please look at it before you say no.”

Lexa nodded and let Bellamy unzip the cover in Raven’s hands.

“So, Commander, whaddya think?”

Lexa tilted her head as she glanced at the dress appraisingly.

That even if Murphy is thrown back on the streets, Emori can stay.

_________

The ball was in full swing and already Clarke was counting it as a success. Officials from different clans were greeting each other and were acting considerably less hostile than Clarke had feared.

A Trikru meal, Azgeda alcohol, and a Skaikru ball evidently worked well together.

A few short whistles caught the attention of the crowd, Heda had arrived.

Clarke nearly dropped her glass at the sight of Lexa.

She thought she had already seen the dress Lexa planned to wear, but this was definitely new.

A red sash cut across her torso where numerous clasps and buckles resembled her normal meeting attire. It was completed with a slit on the right side. The perfect combination of the fierceness and power of Heda with the grace and elegance required at formal ceremonies.

The crowd greeted Lexa but all Clarke could do was stare.

Kane rose up and issued an apology for the events earlier that year. He carefully weaved a genuine apology with a promise it wouldn’t happen again. But it was all static to Clarke.

Lexa certainly noticed her reaction if the faint amusement in her eyes was any indication.

Before she knew it, the only formality left was her reaffirming Heda’s power over Wanheda.

She quickly collected herself and made her way forward. Unlike Lexa, she was wearing the same dress she had the first time they did this song and dance.

Clarke gracefully dropped to her knee and bowed her head.

“I, Wanheda, swear fealty to you, mighty heda Lexa kom Trikru. I vow that my power is yours to command. My efforts are yours to command. Your needs are my needs, and my people are your people. Your wishes are my command.”

Clarke had been left to her own devices when preparing her vow. She knew with some of the lines she pulled, she would remind Lexa of a private vow between the two of them just under a year ago.

Lexa’s dress may not be the same as that day, but the look on her face was.

_________

Lexa was ready to call it.

 She had just watched the sixth person ask Clarke to dance and Clarke, without any good publicly known reason to say no, accepted. Truly, this was torture.

Clarke, like always, looked like a dream as she swept across the dance floor and engaged in polite conversation with her partner.

Only when Raven, her annoying, mischievous smirk in place, asked Clarke to dance had Lexa snapped.

It hit her then all the conversations they had about announcing their relationship. Clarke said she was ready, but wouldn’t pressure Lexa.

That day with Clarke’s public display of allegiance hiding a sweet message for Lexa, she knew it was time.

The commander rose from her seat and made her way to Clarke. A quick glare scared away a Skaikru boy with the same destination in mind.

“May I cut in?”

Clarke took her outstretched hand but made no move away from Raven just yet.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

A blinding smile split across Clarke’s face as Lexa led her deeper into the mass of people on the dance floor.

The music instantly slowed. A quick glance at the corner had her spotting Murphy by the band. He shot her a wink before taking Emori’s hand and leading her to the dancefloor as well.

“I had no idea you even owned this.” Clarke pinched the dress.

“Emori cooked it up as a surprise.”

“Thank you, Emori,” Clarke mumbled while continuing to eye Lexa up and down. “Lex, you look incredible.”

“As do you.”

“I’m serious, when you walked out, I think I forgot my name.”

Lexa chuckled and spun Clarke.

“When did you learn to dance?” Clark asked as Lexa led their movements.

“When you spoke of the ball, I reached out to Bellamy. Every time I have gone to TonDC for the past four months, he has worked with me.”

Clarke gazed up with barely concealed tears.

“Why?”

“You told me how you used to love to dance. You took your nontu to every daddy-daughter dance and haven’t since he died.

“I thought we could dance and you could tell me stories about him.”

This time, the tears did fall. Lexa wiped them away with a gentle hand.

“I love you.”

Lexa pulled Clarke close and kissed the top of her head.

They spent the rest of the ball dancing in each other’s arms. For a while, whispered stories from their youth filled the silence between them, until there was nothing left to say, and they held each other still.

_________

“Clarke!” Lexa cut off her own train of thought. “You forgot candy for the nightbloods!”

Clarke smiled and waved at the small group of kids that rode out to greet them. She laughed and reached into a saddlebag to pull out a handful of candy.

She quirked a brow at Lexa before tossing each of them a piece.

“Who’s ready for a sugar high?”

As un-heda like as it was, Lexa couldn’t stop the smile that came to her face. In her defense, it was probably impossible not to smile when you thought, I can’t wait to marry you.