Archive of Our Own ^beta

Julian was in full flow, complaining about the dull Cardassian novel Garak had given him to read. It was all duty and sacrifice and one-dimensional characters who existed only to serve the state. How anyone could find that entertaining was beyond him, but what was entertaining was watching Garak’s reactions to him tearing apart his favourite books.

“It has the same problems as all the Cardassian novels you’ve given me,” he continued, gesticulating wildly, “no-one has any motivations other than service to an authoritarian state—we have a word for that on Earth, it’s called propaganda.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a little propaganda,” Garak countered, “particularly when it encourages people to sacrifice personal gain for the good of the community.”

“In other words, keeping the population in line so there won’t be a rebellion.”

“And why would we need a rebellion? The state provides everything we need.”

“I see the propaganda’s worked a treat on you.”

“Not well enough—I still got exiled.”

“Exactly—you could read whatever you want but you insist on recommending the same formulaic…stories, if they can be so called. Anyone would think you were deliberately making me read bad literature just to get me riled up.”

“Now, why would I do that, my dear doctor?”

“I have no idea,” Julian twirled some of his spaghetti around his fork and ate it.

Garak chuckled softly and looked at Julian suggestively.

“Of course you don’t.”

Julian blushed furiously, ducked his head and fidgeted with his hands. Unfortunately, his fidgeting knocked the entire plate of spaghetti onto his chest, where it slipped into his lap.

“Oops!” he exclaimed as he grabbed at the spaghetti to try and minimise the damage, ultimately failing, “oh no, I’ve ruined my favourite uniform! Now I look like an afternoon snack!”

“Yes, and you’ve spilled spaghetti all over yourself, too,” Garak replied with a suggestive smirk.

“Yeah, I know, I…wait, what?”

“Why don’t we go back to my shop and I’ll…clean you up?”

“You’ll do what now?”

“Oh, come along,” Garak grabbed the doctor’s hand and dragged him to his shop.

Julian looked on nervously as Garak locked the door and sized him up.

“Hmm…” Garak mused, advancing on Julian, “I can clean it, but it’ll have to come off.”

“Uh…OK…what am I supposed to wear this afternoon?”

“Don’t you have a spare?”

“Not here.”

“What a shame, I’ll have to measure you for a new one.”

“Couldn’t I just—”

“Now, now, no time to lose, get that dirty uniform off and step up onto my measuring dais.”

“But—”

“Do you want your uniform cleaned or not?”

“I suppose…” Julian began undressing with Garak still staring at him, “do you have to look?”

“Honestly, what a prude,” Garak turned away.

“A prude? Speak for yourself.”

“Are you undressed yet?”

“No, give me some time! I just have to get these trousers off.”

“You don’t want any help with that, do you?”

“No!”

“You realise I’ll have to look at you to measure you.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“And when exactly would that be?”

“Uh…now…”

Garak turned around to see an almost naked Julian, still wearing his underwear, holding out his spaghetti-stained uniform. He took the uniform from him and put it in his washing machine, then turned to the very lovely-looking human and directed him to stand on his dais. He could use a sizing scanner, but when did he ever get the opportunity to measure an almost-naked Julian Bashir with a tape measure?

“Unfortunately, my sizing scanner is on the fritz,” he lied, brandishing the tape measure, “so we’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way.”

Julian rolled his eyes, “just get on with it.”

Garak got on with it, taking his time over the measurements and letting his hands brush against that soft human skin as much as possible.

“Uh…what are you doing?” Julian asked cautiously as Garak measured his chest.

“Measuring you,” Garak replied shortly.

“O…K…”

“Oh, relax, I’m a professional. Now spread your legs so I can get your inseam.”

Julian widened his stance very reluctantly and made a point of avoiding looking at Garak while he placed the tape measure on the inside of Julian’s leg and ran his hand down it.

“Garak…”

“Doctor, you will insist on making this awkward.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not naked.”

“Would you like me to be?”

“Uh…sort of…”

“Sort of?”

Well, I’ll admit to a professional curiosity about what’s under all those layers…”

“Is that so?”

“And it seems only fair seeing as how you’ve seen everything on me.”

“Not everything,” Garak’s eyes were drawn to Julian’s underwear.

Julian leaned forwards until his face was mere millimetres from Garak’s and said, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t act all innocent now, this is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“Well, I’ll admit you spilling spaghetti all over yourself was rather a stroke of luck…”

“Why don’t you take your clothes off and I’ll be your…afternoon snack?”

“Well, I suppose I don’t have to re-open the shop for a while…”

“…And I’ve got some time before my next shift…”

“…And someone’s already locked the door.”

“Its almost as if someone planned this.”

“I don’t hear any complaining.”

"Your sizing scanner works fine, doesn't it?"

"...Yes."

Julian closed the very short distance between them, kissed Garak and helped him undress. Soon, both of their undergarments were removed and they snacked on each other.