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“What if- What if he doesn’t accept me?”
“Listen… Okay. Do you see how he looks at you?”
“He smiles at everyone”
“Okay yeah he loves everyone but he loves you. Ryoji will go from talking to someone, to just moving over to talk to you. He probably drools over you in his dreams while he sleeps.”
Currently, the two twins are sitting next to each other on Kotone’s bed. Four minutes ago Minato rushed into her room demanding that they needed to talk. She knew when her brother was serious about something, so she took up the offer. Kotone didn’t expect the topic to be Minato worried that Ryoji wouldn’t love him because he was transgender. She found it stupid from how Ryoji looked at him, but she knew how much it haunted her brother.
All she hoped would come from this is that Minato would stop wearing his binder to bed when Ryoji came over. She knew Minato suffered the pain it brought after, but she knew her brother wouldn’t listen to her. She already tried. Plus, she didn’t want to see the outcome if Ryoji didn’t accept him. Her brother already had enough depression in his life. Though, she still doubted it would turn out that way.
“Ugh it’s just- I should ignore it,”
“What? No?” Kotone said, confused.
“This is- I’m going to play Innocent Sin Online.” Minato shifted to stand up, Kotone grabbed his arm to stop him.
“Are you listening to me? Okay.” Kotone took a deep breath, “As the older twin-”
“By 20 minutes.”
“As the older twin by 20 minutes, do you really want to hide yourself from him? Hm? Wanna hide in that corner? Are you sick of living a lonely life where you have to hide from someone that clearly lov-”
Minato pulled away from her grip and stood up. She knew that she struck a nerve with him. She knew how much Minato hated being alone, especially after moving here. All she hoped was that it was the right nerve to get him to understand. Minato would forgive her in time, Kotone knew it. Nothing would change unless he took the step forward.
“If I tell him will you shut up?”
“Yep!” Kotone grinned.
Minato frowned as he moved out of the room. Deep down he knew his sister was right. That Ryoji would love him, yet. Yet… It felt like if he told his boyfriend those words, the world would end. His stomach twisted in an attempt to stop him from moving forward with his mission. He debated if he should have Ryoji meet up with him somewhere else. So if things went wrong, he could run away.
Yet. He didn’t want to risk Ryoji running away. This dorm was the safest place for him to be himself. Minato told himself that it would be okay. In the end, he shouldn’t care what Ryoji thought of his body.
He slipped into his room and quickly closed the door behind him. His hands shook as he texted Ryoji that they needed to talk. He felt tightness within his throat, like the very message would get caught in it. Once sent, a shaky breath escaped his lips. He didn’t realize how long he held it in. Minato told himself that at least Ryoji would respond quickly. He could get this over with so this dread within his stomach would be gone.
Like normal, Ryoji responded a minute later. He was glad that Ryoji did so quickly, he wouldn’t be able to go back on this. Minato took a deep breath and opened his window. Instinctively he put on his headphones, they always protected him from his own thoughts if he turned it up loud enough.
He leaned into the side of his desk and waited. The music cut his connection from the world, yet it couldn’t cut him from the ache inside his heart. He couldn’t save him from the anxiety that ate away his very soul. Minato tried to focus on the music, mouthing to the lyrics, trying to tap to the beat. He was sure if someone stood outside his door would be able to hear his music if they pressed against the door.
A few minutes passed and Minato’s eyes snapped open as he felt a hand touch his shoulder.
In front of him he saw Ryoji looking down, the normal smile plastered on his face. The window was open behind him. He must have attempted to get Minato’s attention before but failed.
Minato tried to keep his straight face as his mind raced. There was no going back. He took a deep breath as he removed his headphones. “Hey.”
“Hello!” Ryoji was as cheerful as normal, “What do you want to talk about? Is it music related? Or maybe do you need help with something?”
“We… Well I need to talk.”
“Hm? Is something wrong dear?”
Minato glanced away from Ryoji, as someone who attempted to act like he didn’t care about this topic, he found himself filled with worry. He found himself afraid of seeing Ryoji’s face if rejected him for who he was. The words fell out of his mouth within an instant “Why do you love me?”
“What?” Ryoji was taken back from the question, unsure if Minato wanted a list or not. He was sure that he could talk for hours on why he loved his boyfriend. Minato was the joy of his life.
“Why… Why do you love me?” Minato repeated.
“Well… Where do I start? You are the Sun. My home. When I’m asked where I live I always have to stop myself from saying next to you. Because your smile, your eyes. Your… Everything. It gives me warmth. It gives me life. I genuinely love you. When I’m with you my world lights up. Everything feels more fascinating. Like I want to see the whole world with you by my side.”
Ryoji stopped for a second, “Minato… Is something wrong?”
Minato ignored his question, “What if I was different?”
“Different how so?”
“What if I was a girl, or a guy that didn't have… Well a dick. Because well-”
“Because what, dear?”
“I'm trans.”
“Hm?” Ryoji didn't understand, he wasn't familiar with the word. He didn’t understand what Minato’s appearance had to do with his undying love for the other.
“My sex does not match my gender.”
“Oh… Well.” Ryoji said as he took a step towards Minato. The other froze, his breath held in. To Minato it felt like he could only hear his heartbeat, and Ryoji’s breathing next to him. Finally, he glanced back at Ryoji.
“I would still like you, no matter if you were a guy or a girl. Your sex, your gender. I love you Minato, and I’ll love everything about your body,” Ryoji whispered as he placed his forehead against Minato’s. “And I’ll continue to love it even after our dying days. That’s what love is, isn’t it?”
It was true. Ryoji loved Minato like the moon loved the sun. It didn’t matter to him what name, sex, gender, or whatever. It only mattered that it was Minato. His home. Ryoji would love every part of him. Even if Minato’s body looked different or changed. He would love him. Gently, Ryoji touched Minato’s face, rubbing his thumbs across his cheeks.
Their eyes met, and for a split second the world stopped around them. The moon leaned in, and embraced the sun with a kiss. Their warmth washed over each other as Minato pulled Ryoji into a hug.
Minato was speechless. His worries evaporated in the wind, leaving behind uncontainable joy. A part of him felt shocked how his very body felt filled with bliss. He didn’t need to run, or hide anymore. He was loved.
“I love you,” is all Minato said. It was all he was able to mumble out as his brain exploded with joy as it played Ryoji’s words on loop. A light blush appeared on his face as they both pulled away to look at each other one more.
A soft smile was on Minato’s lips, and Ryoji quickly noticed it. In return, Ryoji's grin got bigger. Minato felt his bangs being washed away to the side. He wanted to see both of Minato’s eyes. He wanted to see how bright they could shine. As Ryoji looked upon Minato, he said, “I love you too, my dearest.”
“Can we…” Minato trailed off as he tried to find the right words as his brain returned from this high.
“Cuddle?”
“Yeah.” Minato needed to rest, the anxiety that fueled his body crashed down. All he wants right now is to be next to Ryoji. Next to his boyfriend and sleep. However, he needed to change. He needed to take care of his body, and any fear that was held within his chest was gone. Ryoji loved him. No matter how his body looked.
“I need to change.” Minato commented.
“Want me to look away?”
“You can look… I don't care.” Minato mumbled. He knew Ryoji wanted to look, but the other knew not to push Minato when it came to this; however, this time. This time it was fine.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
It didn’t take long for Ryoji to remove his suspenders, placing them down at Minato’s desk with his scarf following after. Only to plop down on the bed to watch Minato. Minato wondered if the other worked that fast just to watch him.
Minato started to remove his shirt, checking his boyfriend every few seconds. Ryoji watched him with a soft smile, patiently waiting for him to finish changing. He didn’t react any differently when Minato removed his binder. Ryoji’s face was filled with love and yearning. Minato kept his chill, but felt his heart might burst right then and there.
He wasn’t ready to admit to his sister tomorrow that she was right.
His thoughts quickly shifted to how stupid his boyfriend looked when he was in his bed with his normal clothes. Minato grabbed his jeans and pulled them down. He wondered if Ryoji spent the time ironing them after laying in bed every night.
“At this point we need to get you pajamas for here.”
“Couldn’t I use yours?”
Minato shook his head, his soft smile still on his lips, “No, wait, No, maybe if you weren’t so tall.” He couldn’t see the other as he struggled to pull his pajama pants up, but he knew Ryoji was pouting from the bed.
He was right.
“But…”
“Fine, give me a moment,” Minato said. He knew how stubborn his boyfriend could be when he wanted something, and he knew he had a baggy shirt and pants that should fit Ryoji. Once he finished changing, he looked around his closet.
He found them, hidden away in his closet. The clothes that would distort his figure for whenever he couldn’t wear his binder. Minato figured if Ryoji was a bit taller than him, they would fit him.
Minato turned around, only to see Ryoji standing right behind him. He held up a blue shirt with a cat listening to music on it, and gray baggy pants. He opened his mouth to ask if Ryoji wanted him to look away but the other already started to change. It clicked that Ryoji would be spending the night now, but he didn’t care. It meant he could cuddle, sleep, and not worry about needing to wake up when Ryoji headed home.
As Ryoji changed, Minato found that he couldn’t tear his eyes off of him. The other filled him with warmth, the very same he felt when he looked up at the moon at night. Inviting. Comfort. Warmth. While watching, Minato saw Ryoji glance over at him once in a while. The first time he didn’t have the time to look away, and after that he didn’t bother to try. Ryoji knew he was looking anyway. Minato knew his boyfriend enough, and knew Ryoji wanted him to watch anyway.
“Hurry up,” Minato couldn’t wait any longer, even if he wanted to watch Ryoji. He wanted to cuddle now.
“Aw, I thought you wanted to watch me,” Ryoji said, his famous pout plastered on his face.
“Ugh, come on,” Minato said as he grabbed Ryoji by the arm after he finished changing his pants. In the corner of his eye he saw Ryoji grin as he followed behind.
Within the second after they landed on the bed, Minato felt Ryoji tug him towards his chest, and in return, Minato pulled the other closer. They laid there in silence, not needing a word. The only thing they needed was the warmth of the other and the soft breaths from their mouths. The silence told a thousand words, each translated to ‘I love you.’
He felt Ryoji nuzzle into his neck, letting out a soft hum as another hand went to Minato’s hair. Quietly, he heard from Ryoji, “I’m glad we're boyfriends.”
After tonight, a burden was lifted off of Minato’s chest. He felt free.
He felt loved.