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Chapter Text

"I can't believe we're losing Regulus." 

This is the fifth time Barty has said that in less than ten minutes. 

They're not, in fact, losing Regulus. They're going to be apart from Regulus, but a quick trip to London can fix that easily. He's not going to a bloody war. 

"It's a one hour flight, Barty," Regulus rolls his eyes, but it's hard to see under the sunglasses. 

"Still, we won't be able to do that," he points to the painting in front of them. 

They're in the Louvre, and Regulus has been here so many times that he thinks he can tell you with closed eyes how to wander through the place. It's their little thing, Barty, Regulus, Evan and Pandora get high, then they put on their sunglasses and go to stare at one painting high off their minds. It's also pretty easy to do that when you live in Paris. Because that's where Regulus has lived since he was fifteen. 

He wasn't born in France, though his family has French roots and he knew how to speak the idiom since he was five. Regulus was born in England and lived fifteen years there, until he realized all of his life was wrong and he ran away from his house. It helped that his brother was twenty-one already when that happened and uncle Alphard received Regulus with open arms as his guardian. That's when he met his friends, when he was fifteen, studying in a boarding school in the middle of France. 

France was the first place that Regulus felt like Regulus. He misses his brother, of course, but he built a real life here. He has friends, favorite places and a home. Regulus went to college here, he fell in love here and got his heart broken. But he realized that a part of him always belonged to London as well. To his brother and the life he couldn't live there but can now. 

So Regulus graduated and landed a job in London, a job as a book editor for an important publisher. He was always good at editing, so with the recommendation of his favorite professor he got the job. He could stay in France, he knows that, but Regulus spent years here while ignoring the life he couldn't have as himself in London, so he thinks it's time to come back. Plus, it's a really good job, he wouldn't last a day translating books into French. 

"I would do her," Pandora comments, ignoring Barty altogether while they stare at Liberty Leading the People. 

"You would do anyone, you're a slut," Evan replies. 

The Rosier twins can usually be seen as opposites of each other, calm and storm, light and darkness. But the truth is that they're actually the same, the difference is that Pandora likes to show a brighter side of her crazy while Evan doesn't bother. They met in Beauxbatons, naturally. Pandora and Regulus became friends immediately, and she was the first friend he had ever made. They just understood each other, and by the end of the day, it was like he had known her for centuries already. Through Pandora, he met Evan. Evan was quieter than his twin, but he wasn't an introvert, just rarely bothered by strangers. For some reason, he liked Regulus immediately and their friendship grew more and more with time. 

And through Evan, of course, was Barty. Barty was a mess of chaos, sharp edges and snarky comments. He swore in Russian and flirted in Italian. His brain worked too quickly and he would do anything to piss his father off. Whenever Evan was, Barty was too, so it was just inevitable for them to be a group. 

The friendship between them was natural, a force of nature so strong Regulus doubted they would ever stop being friends. They knew each other too well, all their secrets and flaws. His heart belonged to them, and Regulus was sure that if soulmates existed, they're his. 

"I'm in a long-term serious relationship," she huffs. She has been in a polyamorous relationship with Xenophilius Lovegood for four years now. They met in college when Pandora suddenly became interested in communism, because being disowned by your rich father can do that, and then she met Xeno, the writer of the communist column in the university's journal. They fell in love and remolded the shape of their world together. Pandora doesn't consider herself a communist anymore, but Xeno has been strong in the whole Marxism thing. 

"So am I, and I'm still a slut," Barty snorts at her. 

"You tell them, babe," Evan slaps his ass. In the fucking Louvre. 

Regulus thinks that the expression Folie à deux was made for them, their crazy just match and they spent years trying to avoid the inevitable. Because Barty was too much of a slut with daddy issues and Evan was too petty, they only started to date two years ago, though it seems like they've always been together. He doesn't think there's an alternative where Barty and Evan are not being crazy and in love with each other. 

"But really, can we talk about the real problem here?" Barty asks again.

"Regulus moving to another country is not really a problem, your attachment issues with him are," Evan says easily. 

"I don't have attachment issues with Regulus," he argues. 

All of them laugh at the same time. Regulus would like to say that the four of them are very codependent with each other, but they've their dynamics. The twins, for example, can't live apart from each other or else one of them will go mad, but Barty has a good independence when it's about the two of them. He's not, however, fine with being apart from Regulus. From the moment they become friends, Regulus is Barty's ride or die. He's used to doing things with Regulus, having Regulus close, and the distance will probably make him a little sick. Eventually, it might do him some good. Not that Regulus is any different, he relies so much on them that it'll be weird to live on his own knowing his friends are in another country.

Regulus doesn't normally like change, but his entire life was about changing. Changing his name. His body. His style. His gender. Changing countries. Schools. Family and friends. 

The thing with London is that he feels like he should try to rebuild a life there, a true one. It's the type of change that calls to Regulus, even if he's scared of what change will be like. He rarely thinks about his parents these days, but their handprints are still on his skin, and Regulus wants to finally set himself free of them, knowing he'll only manage to do that if he comes back. Not to meet them, but to replace all of the bad memories with new ones. 

When Regulus left London, he had nothing but chopped hair, baggy clothes that belonged to his brother and the hope that he'd finally be able to be his true self. Now, he'll come back knowing who he is, he'll come back in a body he's comfortable in, more confident and sharp. As an adult. 

"We won't work as a trio," Barty goes on. "We need Regulus."

"You still will have me," Regulus promises him. 

"On a cellphone!" He says. "It's not the same thing. I need you here with me."

"Sometimes, I wonder if he remembers who he's dating," Evan says to no one in particular. 

"I have your name tattooed on my heart, of course I know who I'm dating, Rosie darling," he taps his cheek fondly, but just with a little bit of aggressiveness. 

"And Regulus' constellation on the other side," Pandora reminds him.

"I love Regulus, it's not a secret," Barty says easily. "Which is why he shouldn't go to London. Seriously, Reg, why would you go to a country that only rains, has a monarchy and British people?" 

Barty hates British people. 

"In France, we behead our monarchy, Regulus is going to a country where they worship theirs," Evan shakes his head. "So disappointing."

"I think you guys forget I'm British."

"You're trans," Pandora says. "Hardly a British."

"Whatever that means," Regulus blinks. 

"Like, I'm trans," Pandora says. The reason she was disowned and all. "The trans in me cancels the french in me. So I'm barely French at all."

"Like the Russian in me cancels the Italian part," Barty nods. The weed is making an effect, it seems. 

"Because being trans equals being from a country," Regulus laughs. 

"It's not just a country," Barty says. "It's Russia."

"The point is," Regulus deflates the topic. "I was born there. My brother is there. And it's a good job opportunity."

"He'll have a real job and will forget us," Barty says dramatically. 

"I'm not," Regulus promises him. "We'll talk every day." 

"How am I supposed to live without you?" Barty whines, throwing himself at Regulus to hug him like he's a teddy bear. "I'll kill myself without you, Reg."

"Stop being so dramatic," Pandora snorts. "It's London, not America."

"No one in their sane mind would go to America," Evan makes a disgusted face. "Stop saying nonsense, Barty, no one is killing themselves."

"Regulus is a bit suicidal, he might kill himself when he realizes London is depressing," Barty says on the top of his head, because he's really fucking tall. 

"France is also depressing," Regulus says.

"France is France," he shrugs. "We're used to France, you and I." 

Barty, like Regulus, was not born in France. His life is a bit hectic, he was born in Russia and his mother was Russian, but then she died when Barty was nine and his father and him moved to Italy, where his father was from. Barty was never the same after his mom died, or so he told them, and he was a very loud and troubled kid, so his father sent him to live with his grandmother in France when he was thirteen. His grandmother was fine, but she was very sick by the time Barty was fifteen, and not wanting Barty to worry about her and take care of her, she convinced Barty's father to send him to Beauxbatons. She died when he was sixteen, and Barty was also not the same after that. He loved his grandmother and she was just one more person he lost. Barty stayed in Beauxbatons, but he also caused a lot of problems that his therapist certainly had a field day with. 

"And now I want to get used to London back," he says softly. "It will be fine, Barty. You can come to see me anytime you want, and I promise I'll visit too, my job can be done at a distance." 

"Fine," he grunts, squeezing Regulus one last time. 

"Should we go grab something to eat?" Pandora wonders. 

She and Evan have already gone through the five stages of grief from when Regulus announced he was moving back to London to now. Uncle Alphard was very happy for Regulus, but he wasn't extremely sad to see him go. He loves his uncle and he's grateful for everything Alphard gave to him, but he was never a father to Regulus and he was always traveling for his gallery. Add that to the fact that Regulus went to a boarding school and was rarely at home, and they never grew a type of paternal love. Alphard is more like a friend than a father to Regulus. 

"I'm starving," Evan agrees, putting his sunglasses at the top of his head, his hazel eyes still red from the weed. 

He and Pandora are really similar, and they even chose the same color for their hair, Pandora with white-blond locs and Evan with hair dye in the same tone, but their eyes are different. Evan's is hazel while Pandora's is amber. They have the same brown skin, same nose and sharp cheekbones, perfect bone structure and long legs. Pandora is a bit smaller than Evan, thinner and bony, but you can tell they're siblings from miles away. 

Barty and Regulus, in comparison, are the opposite. Both have dark hair, but Regulus' is curly while Barty's is not. Regulus' eyes are gray and Barty's is a blue so dark is almost black. He won't lie and say they're not hot, if there's a thing all four of them share is that they know that they're pretty, hot and have a great style. 

"Let's go eat something, then," Regulus pokes Barty so he can let go of him. 

Without a word, the four of them leave the Louvre for the last time before Regulus moves to another country. They had tons of memories here, coming to watch a sculpture after class, making out in the Louvre bathroom and judging people from everywhere in the world. 

Regulus is leaving, yes, but he's the one who'll be alone in another country, and though it's his choice, he's sad that he won't have them around all the time. That he won't be able to sleep at Evan and Barty's flat after a club night, won't be able to just give Pandora a call to eat something by the Seine or watch the city with them from the rooftop of Alphard's place. He'll miss all of this, but Regulus wants to know how it'll be, to start all over again somewhere else. 

They stop at a small coffee shop, ordering too much food because that's what weed does to people. 

"Are you sure you're not forgetting anything?" Pandora asks. 

Regulus is leaving tomorrow at eleven AM, Sirius is supposed to pick him up in the airport and half of Regulus' wardrobe is packed in suitcases. 

"Yes," he nods. "But Alphard is taking more of my things to my flat by the end of the month." 

"Did you already say your goodbye?" Evan wonders. 

"Yes," he replies. "It's not as dramatic as you make it sound, you know?" Alphard gave him a tap on his shoulder and said, I hope you like living there again, made him promise to call him every month and that was it. Not emotional at all. 

"Damn, Regulus, you've no father figure in your life," Evan smirks at him.

"He's hoping to find a british daddy," Barty jokes. Regulus flips him off. 

"None of us have father figures, so what are you talking about?" Regulus asks them. 

Barty hasn't spoken to his father in years, since he discovered what Barty was doing with his free time and disowned him completely. He still has his mom's trust fund, but Bartemius Sir does not speak to his only son. Pandora and Evan's father disowned Pandora when she came out as trans but gave Evan the family company, which he sold for a few billions and made his father so mad he had a heart attack. And Regulus, well, he was his father's favorite kid, which wasn't a good thing in his house, and he hasn't spoken to Orion since he ran away, so there's that. Evan and Pandora's mom married another guy and moved to New York when they were ten, Regulus and his mother also never had a good relationship and Barty's mom is dead. So really, they're all without parent figures in their lives. 

"That's why we're so hot," Barty grins. "Hot people need at least one parent issue. Freud said that."

"He did not," Pandora refutes. 

"He did," he's full of shit. 

"We're all without fathers, that's very sad," Evan comments, not really sad. 

"I'm going to miss this," Barty says quietly, staring at Regulus now sobered up. "I'm going to miss us." 

"We're still going to be us," Pandora tells him with a smile. "A few miles won't change that."

"We're going to be fine," Regulus manages a smile. "But I'll miss you guys."

"Stop with the gay talk," Evan groans. "Let's just pretend you're not leaving tomorrow, yes?"

"Fine," he rolls his eyes.

Tomorrow, he'll be in London, starting a new life. Today, he'll enjoy his last night with his friends. His family. 

Regulus' flight was so fast that he couldn't even watch a whole movie in the airplane. 

His departure was a bit emotional, Barty cried a bit and Pandora hugged him for ten whole minutes in complete silence. Evan is not very emotional, so he only held Barty back to avoid him doing something stupid to keep Regulus with them. When it's about Barty, you never know. 

The airport it's busy this time of the day, and Regulus does his best to put his three suitcases in the cart to find his brother. 

Surprisingly enough, his relationship with Sirius is very good. Sirius was six when Regulus was born, and by then his brother already knew how to grow up avoiding the most painful stuff. It's kind of sad to say it like this, but the only parent Regulus ever had was his brother. Sirius taught him how to talk, how to walk and how to live. He raised Regulus so he couldn't see the worst of his parents, he shielded him from them and gave Regulus more happy memories than Sirius ever had in their house. 

Sirius and Regulus' parents weren't violent, but their words and vicious behavior were violent enough. Walburga and Orion were married but they lived like divorced people. They slept in separate rooms, in different wings, and pretended the other didn't exist unless it was for them to fight. His mother hated Sirius because he was born as a boy, but she confided too much shit in Regulus, she demanded from him things she couldn't care less to demand from Sirius. She told him shit about his father all the time, she was cold one time and extremely warm the other. She told Regulus he was a perfect kid, the prettiest, and the other she would point out all of his flaws with distaste. She was bitter, vicious and manipulative. She was cruel to them, and then she would cry, apologize and say that they made her do that. Walburga was completely narcissistic and they were always the punch bag.

Orion was different, he was extremely absent, always working, always drinking and doing lines in his study, bringing home girls half his age under Walburga's nose and being proud of it. He liked Regulus, spoiled him with gifts, and the older Regulus got, the more he told him things. Things no father should tell his children. Sirius always fought against his father's way, but Regulus didn't. He listened, he watched his father snorting cocaine and listened to how his father treated women. He hated him, but it was hard to gain his attention, and even if it was bad attention, Regulus loved him for liking Regulus enough. 

It was bad, but Sirius did his best to shield Regulus from their worst. It became impossible to shield Regulus when he left home at eighteen, but even then Sirius was present in Regulus' life. They would go out every weekend, Sirius would call Regulus almost every day, like a helicopter dad who needed to know everything. Even if things were bad, Regulus would think about the next weekend when Sirius would take him out somewhere and he'd feel better. 

Regulus thinks he could've lived with his parents without going crazy. Sometimes, he even thought he loved them despite their ugly sides, but he also knew that the reason why Orion and Walburga treated him better than Sirius was because of the gender he was born with. And when it became clear to Regulus that he was a boy, to his parents' disappointment, he also knew that he would never have a place as his true self between his parents. 

So when he was fifteen, he ran away to the only person who ever loved him completely and would accept Regulus in every way. 

Sirius, always too quick to be the parent Regulus never had, promptly told him that Regulus could live with him, that he would pay for anything Regulus needed, that he would always be there for him. But Sirius had bigger problems to deal with, he had a life where he didn't need to be a parent but a young adult. Regulus knew that if he had stayed, his brother would've lost more years trying to take care of him. So Regulus said he wanted to live with their uncle in France, and though Sirius protested, he was also a little relieved he could be a brother rather than a parent again. 

Even from different countries, his relationship with Sirius never broke. They become a little bit distant, it was impossible not to, Regulus was in college, living his life and going to parties while his brother was still six years older, married and working on his own fashion brand. The calls diminished, they saw each other maybe twice a year, but it never changed how much they loved each other.

By living in London again, he hopes to rebuild his relationship with his brother. One where both of them are adults and Sirius doesn't feel like he needs to fix all of Regulus' messes. His brother is twenty-eight, he shouldn't be trying to clean the mess of a twenty-two-year-old. Regulus wants them to be brothers, not Sirius taking care of him like he did when they were kids. 

Sirius already lost too much, he spent his teen years raising a kid, he deserves some peace of mind now. 

Regulus will always need his brother, but he doesn't need Sirius to be his father, his mother, and his entire family. 

Regulus sends Sirius a text telling him he landed, and his brother immediately calls him.

"Hi, where are you?" Regulus asks as soon as the call connects.

"About that…" His brother's voice replies.

"What?"

"I got really caught up with my work," he says apologetically. "I'm sorry." 

Sirius started his own brand after college, and though he's not a high fashion stylist, he's doing really well. Sirius' clothes are beautiful, completely androgynous and quite popular on social media. He's working on a new collection for summer-fall, so Regulus knows he's probably busy. But it was Sirius who told him he was picking him up at the airport. 

"Sirius," he calls him, "I'm with fucking three suitcases heavier than me."

"Don't worry about it!" He almost screams. "I got you a ride."

Regulus' first thought is that Remus, his brother-in-law whom Regulus loves very much, is picking him up instead. But it's worse. Much, much worse.

"Okay?"

"James is waiting for you at gate B. It's where you're, right?" 

James. James Potter. Sirius' best friend since he was eleven years old. 

But it's not this that makes Regulus want to die, he was always fine with their friendship. The problem is that James Potter was Regulus' first ever crush and the entire world knows this. 

Regulus formally met James when he was twelve and James was seventeen, and suddenly he was always around when Sirius would pick Regulus up on the weekends. Regulus was extremely embarrassed around him, James was just beautiful, the most beautiful person Regulus had ever met at twelve and his poor heart swore it was love at first sight. He had daydreams about marrying James, about James waiting for him so he could be Regulus' first kiss and he wrote their names with hearts all over it. Regulus was in love with him in a way only twelve years old could be. 

But it wasn't just that that made Regulus so in love with James, or childish love in this case. It was the fact that no one but Sirius paid attention to Regulus, no one wanted to listen to him talk about books and Greek mythology, but James was just too kind, so he listened to Regulus. He paid attention to him, even if he was a shy, blushing kid who looked at him like James carried the whole sky in his eyes. James asked Regulus about his books and smiled at him. It was too much to Regulus' heart, so of course he got a massive crush on James because how could he not? 

He spent years swearing James was his one true love, until Regulus realized that James was like that with anyone and Regulus wasn't special at all. James was in college, dating pretty, interesting people and Regulus was a stupid kid who hated his body, his looks and was too young for him. Regulus got his first heartbreak then, and he cried so much when James started to date someone in college that you would think Regulus was grieving someone. 

He was a very sensitive kid. 

He doesn't feel that way about James anymore, but now he's old enough to know that James, and Sirius, clearly knew that young Regulus had a crush on James and he feels embarrassed by that. Regulus is not that shy, blushing kid anymore. He's way more confident about his looks and his flirting skills, Regulus grew comfortable with his new personality, and he left young, easily impressed Regulus in the past, where he belongs. 

The last time he saw James he was seventeen, in a very awkward phase when his voice still broke and his body was still changing. James was still beautiful at twenty-two, but he wasn't that cocky person anymore. He also didn't spare a glance at Regulus in Sirius and Remus' wedding, not because he turned into an asshole but because he was more focused on a little boy with a shy one year. 

Regulus wasn't head over heels for James anymore, so it didn't hurt either. 

He wouldn't say he and James were ever friends, it's almost funny to think their six years gap could've made them friends in the past, but he also doesn't mind talking to James. They're both very different people now, and Regulus doubts James will recognize him as the kid who had a childhood crush on him. He never met Regulus as an adult, so he's not sure what he should wait for.

Either way, he hates Sirius for sending James to pick him up. 

"James? James Potter?" He asks like an idiot.

"Do you know another James?" Sirius asks back, like Regulus is an idiot. "Yes, Regulus, that's the one. At gate B. He drives a black Range Rover, I'm sure you'll manage to find him. I'm really sorry, though, I promise that as soon as I finish this I'm heading to your flat to help you unpack things." 

"It's fine Sirius," he says easily. "No rush. I'll look for James now, he still looks the same, yes?" 

"You know what James looks like," he scoffs. Regulus does, he might not be a twelve-year-old anymore, but he has eyes and James Potter is hot. Hot enough for Regulus to stalk him on Instagram, sue him. 

"You never know."

"He might not know what you look like, though," he jokes.

"I look like you, it would be hard for him to not know," he says in a tone that says: I'm rolling my eyes. "I'm going now."

"Text me when you're in the car," his brother asks. "Love you!"

"Love you," he mutters back, hanging up. 

Regulus starts moving his cart to find James. 

He's not sure how he feels about meeting James after so long. Regulus is very proud of his new talking skills, when he arrived in France all he knew was dry answers and sarcastic remarks, and at his core, that's how Regulus still talks to the people who truly know him, but he also has a customer's persona. The one who's good at small talk and knows the right thing to say.

The one Regulus is not all that proud of but can't get rid of it. 

Finding James is not hard at all. For once, his car screams rich, and it's quite hard to miss James when he's out of the car, with arms crossed while he waits for Regulus. 

Here are the things Regulus knows about James Fleamont Potter: He's stupidly rich and the heir to a multimillionaire cosmetic brand. He's not the CEO yet but runs a philanthropist company under his family's name. He's Brazilian, born and raised until he was ten and moved back to London with his parents. He's a single dad of a seven-year-old, Harry James Potter who was a really cute kid if Regulus remembers correctly. He's Sirius' best friend, of course, Regulus' childhood crush and extremely nice and charismatic. 

James Potter is also hot. Very, very hot. And unfortunately for Regulus, time did nothing to lessen this. Actually, aging made James even more hot. Regulus is the most suspicious person to say this, but older guys are sexy and James Potter is sitting at the top of this list. 

James has brown skin and messy dark hair that looks very soft to the touch. He's tall, with broad shoulders and thick thighs. Big hands and probably has abs. Risk that, Regulus knows James has defined, muscled abs because he saw too many times shirtless photos of James in every single account on Instagram, his or his friends, doesn't matter, Regulus saw them all. He's beautiful, with big brown eyes, full lips and long eyelashes. 

Maybe Regulus doesn't have a crush on James anymore, but he definitely has the hots for him. He's older, not blind. 

A thing about Regulus is that he's a very horny person. Sadly so. Barty used to say that no man was safe when Regulus' horny monster was on the hunt, a very stupid way to explain how stupid Regulus gets for beautiful men. 

He doesn't want James, he's Sirius' best friend, he's older, he has a son. It's messy to want him. But Regulus knows when he's attracted to a man, and his attraction to James now has nothing to do with the stupid feelings he believed he had when he was twelve. This is much worse, it's the type of thing Regulus knows is already forbidden but he'll want to tip-toe the line to feel some sick thrill. 

And when Regulus stops in front of James, everything gets worse.

You see, for obvious reasons, James never looked at Regulus with interest. He looked at him fondly, like you look at a kid who's being cute and you want to pinch their cheeks. Regulus was always Sirius' little brother, the one who blushed when you asked him a question and made you smile from how easily embarrassed he became. 

James Potter never looked at him like he's looking at Regulus now. With interest. Like Regulus is worthy of noticing now. He looks at him up and down, the jeans sitting low on his hip, his small waist and tight shirt. Like Regulus is hot. 

And it's such a euphoric thing. To see James Potter of all people admiring the shape of Regulus. He had many men and women alike looking at him that way, Regulus knows that he's pretty, he had a long time thinking the opposite but now he's comfortable with his looks, but having James looking at him like that sends a bolt of energy through Regulus. It almost makes him reckless.

"James Potter," he greets him. 

"Regulus Black," James grins. He was one of the first people who ever called Regulus by his name, a thing that Regulus remembers fondly about. "I heard you got tired of the french." 

"If you were there you would understand, I'm sure," he tells him, matching his grin. 

There's just a way about James Potter. Regulus doesn't know how to explain it and it's not like he's this saint person, but James is just very charismatic. He's kind and attentive, yes, but he can also be cocky and arrogant at times. The magic about him is that he's so easy to like that you quickly ignore his flaws. 

"Let me help you with those," he points at his suitcases. "It's less than a person moving out would bring."

"Alphard is shipping the rest of my stuff later," he explains. "This is just the basic stuff so I can survive."

"Makes sense," he nods, moving to grab one of Regulus' suitcases. 

It's weird, to watch James put his baggage inside of his car, but Regulus is kind of too busy ogling James to help him, so he stands there without doing anything. 

When he finishes, he opens the driver's door and smiles at Regulus from the top of the car. "Come on in."

Regulus obeys, sitting in the passenger seat and putting his backpack on the floor. He doesn't understand a single thing about cars, but he knows that James' car is probably very expensive. It almost looks too clean, like a rented car James just grabbed, except for the child seat in the back. 

The mood in the car it's tense at best. Regulus was once used to talk to James like an excited kid, he never had friends that weren't his big brother, and for the first time in his life, James almost felt like one. He's not sure if he really cared about whatever Regulus was talking about, but he made Regulus feel important when he asked him things. Like he could say anything and James would pay attention. Now, he thinks that James was just trying to be nice to his best friend's brother. One he clearly knew had a crush on him. 

God, Regulus feels so embarrassed for his past behavior.

"So," James fills the silence. He's hot driving a car, Regulus lamely thinks. "Sirius told me you're working in a book publisher here."

"Yeah," he nods, biting his lip trying to not stare at James. It's just new to see James after so long. "I'm working as a book editor. I was good at editing in college, one of my professors recommended me around and I got a job here."

"Are you excited?" 

"I guess," he replies. "Living here again feels weird, but I couldn't picture myself living forever in France so I ought myself to try. The job it's good, though. I like editing." 

"That's good," James says friendly. "Living here will be good, you already have known faces and all."

"Yes, Sirius' friends," he snorts. 

"Oh, come on, Reg," he says cheekily. "I'm more than just Sirius' friend, aren't I?"

"I haven't spoken to you in what now? Seven years?" He wonders. "You are Sirius' friend, nothing more than that." 

"I think now you're grown up enough to hang out with the older crowd," he tells him, stealing a look at Regulus. It's not a suggestive thing to say, but Regulus doesn't think he said innocently either. 

"Oh, I'm grown up alright," he says in the same tone, feeling the goosebumps in his body. 

"I can see that," he tells him, again not suggestively but not not. "We can all be friends now, don't you think?" 

"I'm not sure, you're all a bunch of old people," he says amusedly, not really meaning it. Six years is barely a gap when you're twenty-two. "Maybe you can't keep up with me, then what? I should find friends of my own age, no?"

"So now you're a little shit," James turns his head to grin at him, the light sign red. "What happened to soft, shy Regulus?"

"You liked that version better?" Regulus asks him promptly. 

"I don't know," he says slowly, eyes wandering, "I think I like this version as well."

Regulus does his best to control his breathing. Is James… flirting with Regulus? Or is Regulus simply imagining all of that because James is just a wet dream? 

"That's good," he wets his lower lip. "The other one is kind of old news." 

"You look good," he says out of nowhere, turning his head back to drive again. 

"Last time I was still in my awkward phase," he tells him. "This is the real deal though." 

"The real deal," James repeats, voice tinted with something else. "France was a whole new experience, then?" 

"France is France," he shrugs. "What about you? Still a philanthropist?"

"Yes," he replies. "A very tiring but worthy thing." 

"And Harry?" 

"Harry is a little shit," he says fondly. "He has too much of me and too much of Lily, he knows how to argue and he knows how to wrap people around his finger. He's too intelligent for his own good." 

It's very endearing the way James talks about Harry. He's definitely a proud dad, and without a doubt a good one. James probably could spend hours talking about Harry and he would die for the kid. He loves him, you can sense it in his voice. 

When Lily got pregnant, both of them were twenty. Regulus doesn't have the whole story, he just knows it was a one-time thing and they both were very drunk. When Regulus ran away, Lily was pregnant for fifteen weeks and James was a few weeks from turning twenty-one, he knows that because both of them were living with Sirius at the time and were there when Regulus showed up crying, scared and with chopped hair. Lily was very kind to him and Regulus remembers thinking that she was going to be a great mom. 

Regulus is twenty-two and he has no idea how they managed to have a kid that young, but James always had a good support system and the money to raise a kid without problems. He's not sure about how Lily felt about the whole thing because Regulus never had much contact with her. He thinks she's engaged now, a lawyer and no doubt a good mom. She and James co-parent Harry so he must be a very happy kid.

"That's good," he says. "He needs to keep all of you on your toes."

"Sometimes I think he's too spoiled," James comments. 

"There are worse things," Regulus reassures him. "Your parents are alright?"

"Definitely," he smiles. "Everyone is good, but you knew that already. I know Sirius tells you everything."

"Not everything," as a younger brother, there's a lot Sirius doesn't tell Regulus. "Just the basics, he's more interested in my life."

"He just cares," James says. "He never got over you moving out."

"You were all having a baby," he snorts, not unkindly. "There's no way throwing a trans kid in the middle of that would be a good idea. Plus, I needed to get away. I would hardly find myself with Sirius breathing down my neck, he worries too much."

"About you," James corrects. 

"We needed a departure," he says. "Now I'm back, though. No need to cry over the past. And life in France was great." Except for Regulus' love life, that was a disaster. Luckily, his love life in London will be better. 

"Life here will be just as good," he says it like he's promising this to Regulus. 

"Do you know where you're going?" Regulus doesn't remember telling him where to go.

"Sirius gave me your address," he explains. "Did you like your new flat?"

Alphard gave him one, the decision to move out was not impulsive, he had been flat-hunting for a few months now. Sirius helped him with everything and when they found a good, small flat close to Regulus' work, Alphard gave it to him. His uncle is not extremely rich like his parents were, but Alphard is pretty big in the art world, having enough money to raise a teenager and giving a flat to him as a "congrats on becoming an adult" gift. 

"The flat is good," he replies. "It's small, but I like it. Not much furniture yet but we're getting there." 

"That's good news," he says nodding. "Sirius is helping you later?" 

"I think so," he replies. "Why? Are you interested in offering some help, Potter?"

"What kind of help would you need, Regulus?"

Regulus thinks about a lot of things, none of which are innocent. He feels like a sex demon, he thinks Barty passed him a curse or something, he swears he's not normally like this, but having James by his side, possibly flirting with Regulus makes his thoughts wander through forbidden lands. 

"I can think of a few," his voice lowers a bit. "How good you're with your hands?" 

James smirks. "Baby Black knows how to flirt. Shocking."

Baby Black. Regulus always hated the nickname, but he hates it even more now. It draws a line between them, one where James is telling him that Regulus is younger, that Regulus is Sirius' baby brother, that Regulus is out of limits. 

"That was barely flirting," he tells him, trying to pretend he's unbothered. "It was a simple question. Maybe you just have a dirty mind."

"Maybe," he agrees, like he's having dirty thoughts now. "To answer your question, I'm very good with my hands."

"What about your tongue?" Now he's just trying to be annoying. 

James surprisingly laughs, a rich, husky thing that makes your heart skip a beat. 

"Regulus," he says his name slowly, "I'm very good with my tongue but you're never going to figure that out."

"Don't tempt me with a good time, Potter," he grins. "I love challenges."

Regulus was not this confident in the past. This confidence came with a very careful and crafted mask Regulus got used to using. Like this, he draws people close, he makes them want him. Like this, he's not an insecure mess filled with flaws and broken parts. Regulus is comfortable assuming this flirty persona because it conceals his troubled parts. Regulus is more shiny when he's not being messy, he learned that the hard way. 

"I'm not a challenge," he tells him. "I'm your brother's best friend, it can't happen."

"So you think I'm hot but you're too scared of my brother," he says out loud. 

"I'm not scared of your brother, I just respect him enough to not fuck you in my car like I won't be seeing you around. It would be a disaster, Regulus. We can be friends, but we can't fuck." 

"Do you have this conversation with everyone you give a ride to or am I just special?" He wonders, realizing how crazy all of this sounds.

If twelve-year-old Regulus knew he would be having this conversation with James Potter ten years ago, he would probably cry more than he did. 

"I just like clearing the air," he says easily, like they're talking about the weather and not about fucking. "I think you're hot, but you're also Sirius' baby brother, it won't happen." 

"Would you bet on it?" 

"I am betting on it," he tells him, full of certainty. 

Regulus wants to prove him wrong. 

"Fine," he ends up saying. "We can be friends, I guess." 

This is not what he thought was going to happen when he got inside James' car, but he kind of likes that James is not the type of person who plays games. Regulus had his fair share of men playing games with him and his heart, he will welcome a direct and honest man this time. Doesn't mean Regulus won't like to play games with James, one that makes him go back into his word.

It's not even like Regulus suddenly remembered how hot James is and wants him naked, it's just that it feels good to know James thinks he's hot. It makes him want to see how far he can keep his word.

It would be a disaster to start his new life fucking James Potter, Regulus knows that. James is too close, he's always with Sirius, fucking him once would be a stupid idea, being friends with benefits would be worse and Sirius would get crazy about it, dating James is even more insane. Not fucking it's the best decision for both of them, shame that Regulus was never known for choosing the best decision. 

"Good, so friends," James agrees.

"How hot do you think I am, though?" Regulus asks, maybe trying to inflate his ego. "You were checking me out, weren't you?" 

"You sound desperate," he teases him, but he doesn't say it with malice or mockingly. Regulus knows how those ones sound. 

"I'm just fishing for facts," he scoffs. "So tell me, James, how hot do you think baby Black is?" Regulus is taunting him now. 

"You're evil," he realizes. "You know how hot you're and you're trying to use it against me." 

"I would hardly call this using it against you," he tells him. 

"Well, Regulus, I think you're hot in a very surprising way."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ten minutes ago I had no idea you could be hot, now I feel stupid for thinking you would always be a kid."

"That's creepy," he grins. "You sound like a creepy old guy."

"You know what I mean," he grunts. "It's not creepy. I thought about you and I pictured Sirius' baby brother, not you. I didn't even think you existed like that."

"So you're surprised people grow up," he hums. "I'm glad you noticed that, thank you."

"Are you?" He asks. "Thankful that I think you're hot."

"It does feel nice," he gloats. "My brother's best friend, realizing the younger brother is hot after years without seeing him. It's thrilling, don't you think?"

"I think you might be too happy about the thrill," he says unamused.

"And you are not?" 

"Regulus, I have a seven-year-old," he deadpans. "I'm not looking for a thrill."

Maybe there's another sign that this would never end well. James is a father and Regulus is like a hurricane in everyone's lives. That's why no one sticks to him, he causes too much trouble, brings too much baggage and stupid insecurities. He and James would be a disaster and Sirius would hate him for messing things up. 

"That actually makes sense," he ends up saying. "I'm too messy for you anyway."

"Are you?"

"You know my parents," he scoffs. "My therapist has a field day with me."

"You have a therapist?" He asks.

"Sirius doesn't know."

"Why?"

"Because he would be nosy," he says. "He would want to know why. He would want to know who my therapist is and if she's good and I'd rather avoid that."

And Regulus can't tell his brother why because he would know what exactly happened in France and the truth would make Sirius feel guilty. Like he should've known. Should've done something. 

He couldn't, of course, what happened was Regulus' problem to deal with and he did. After making a lot of bad decisions. 

"That doesn't sound like Sirius."

It might not sound like Sirius. Sirius is fun, Sirius is loud and bold and brilliant. Sirius is actually very laid back about most things, except his job, his husband and Regulus. He treats all of these three things with a lot of interest and care, to the point that sometimes it's suffocating. Regulus thinks that their parents cared so little about them, that Sirius put on his shoulders the job of caring. Except he cares too much and treats Regulus like he's his kid instead, which is not all that healthy. 

Sirius has his own problems though, while Regulus was the "favorite" Sirius was the opposite. Orion thought Sirius wasn't man enough and Walburga thought he was too much like their father, so the fights with Sirius were always worse, the hate was always bigger and the pain greater. Regulus thinks the only reason Sirius hadn't left before was because of Regulus, he was too young and Sirius needed to protect him, and even when he was out, he still came back every weekend for Regulus. He only broke all sorts of contact with their parents after Regulus ran away, and by then Sirius was twenty-one already. 

"It's how he's with me," he shrugs. "Sirius is addicted to worrying about me, which is good sometimes but terribly unnecessary in others."

"So you're just going to hide you have a therapist?" 

"I'll tell him. One day. Casually." 

"What's the big deal of going to therapy? Everyone goes to therapy, Sirius goes to therapy." He feels like James is trying to make him change his mind. 

"I know my brother," is all he says. "And how he acts when it's about me."

"It's been a long time since you lived close to him, though," he reminds him. "Things might be different now." 

It might be, but Regulus can't know that now. It's not that Sirius is a strict sibling who wants every single detail of Regulus' life, but he can be a little pushy when he thinks Regulus is in trouble. He can blame his parents for that. 

"We're giving each other advice now?"

"That's what friends do," he says with a smirk. 

Regulus says nothing to that, because he fears he will say something stupid, like the fact that he usually fucks his friends. 

In less than five minutes they get to Regulus' building and James insists on taking Regulus' baggage to his flat. It's almost painful to stand close to James in the lift, and he smells really good, a woody perfume mixed with eucalyptus.

When he opens the door of his flat, the place he'll be living until the foreseen future, Regulus feels some warmth. It feels good to see how far he has come, not entirely on his own but for himself. 

His flat is small, one bedroom and one bathroom, the living room it's quite spacious but the kitchen is also small. It's not entirely furnished, but it has the basics, like a sofa, fridge, cooker, water working and a big bed. It also has energy and Sirius installed the wi-fi already, so it's a livable place. And it's Regulus'.

"You can put that in my room," Regulus tells James, who's in front of him carrying two suitcases while Regulus follows him. 

His room has a bed pushed to the wall, a wardrobe from one wall to the other and a nightstand. It's not much but with Regulus' touch, it will feel homey. James puts the suitcase in the corner of the room, stopping in the middle with hands on his waist. It should be forbidden to let James in small spaces because his presence just takes too much space, like you can't exist next to a person so bright. 

He bets James has no problem collecting money for his causes, he just has to smile and people are already opening their wallets. 

"Anything else?" He asks. 

"No, I don't think so," he tells him. "I would offer you something, but as you can see I don't have a single thing to offer to you." Besides my body, Regulus thinks. 

"That's alright," he smiles easily. "I should go then."

"I'll accompany you to the door," he says, feeling weird at how rehearsed this sounds. 

He does accompany James to the door, realizing that he wouldn't mind if he stayed either. But that's just how James always made him feel, Regulus would always want to stay talking to him for hours. 

Regulus opens the door, and then James says, "I'm throwing a party Saturday at my place. You should come."

"A party, huh?" He arches an eyebrow. 

"A small one. Just friends," he explains. "No one you don't know or haven't heard of." 

"Ah, a party with Sirius' friends." Regulus doesn't hate the idea of socializing with them, but he feels like the loser younger brother who doesn't have friends and needs to stick to his brother's. 

"They can be your friends as well," he tells him.

"Like you're already mine," he says dryly, blinking at James.

James smiles. "Not like me, I think we're creating something unique here." 

"Sure, friendship based on impure thoughts," he grins at him, leaning his back on the doorstep. "Don't worry, Potter. This friendship will be only reserved to you."

"So you're going?"

"I'll think about it," he tells him. 

"Ask Sirius the address," he's talking like he already knows Regulus will be there. 

"Goodbye, Potter."

"See you on Saturday, Regulus."

He finds himself smiling, rolling his eyes at his assuredness. 

Regulus thinks he just dug his own grave. It's the worst thing he ever thought about, but now that he knows James is attracted to him, it's like a monster waking up, chanting: have him, have him, have him. 

Regulus wouldn't say he still has a crush on James or a small part of his childish feelings. He does, unfortunately, have a whole new thing fueled entirely by lust. 

It's too reckless to pursue anything with James, but it would be fine to flirt with him a little and just tip-toe the line. 

Right? 

Maybe he is too happy about this thrill cursing through his veins. 

Fuck, Regulus is full of bad ideas. 

And James Potter is definitely a bad idea. Still, Regulus kind of wants him.

Chapter Text

Turns out that moving out to another country can be quite stressful. It's been two days of Regulus moving things around, buying stuff on Amazon and going to the market to buy food. He can't live off takeouts or restaurants, he can't sleep for hours because he has things to do and he needs to find space to fit all of his clothes in his wardrobe. 

He also needs to entertain his friends with his disastrous life. 

"But I don't get the problem," Barty tells him, showing his entire naked chest on Regulus' screen. Evan is lying on his lap and Pandora is smoking a vape pen and doing shaped circles in the air.

He just told them his tragic story about James and the nice chat they had in his car. The one he said Regulus was hot but he would never touch him with a ten-foot pole. 

"He has a kid," Regulus says, folding his shirts and putting them on top of his bed. "He's older. He's Sirius' best friend. I can't just fuck him."

"He's older, rich and hot," Barty lists. "He's your type."

"Is he nice?" Pandora asks.

"Yes, he is," he nods. "A little cocky, but James is very nice."

"So he's already better than every man you ever slept with," she concludes, making Evan laugh. 

"Sit on that dick, Regulus," Barty says encouragingly. Good thing he's not an emotional coach. "It won't be awkward, you're used to these things."

"I'm not used to fucking my brother's friends," he looks directly at the camera.

"It's too good to be true," Evan comments. "Your childhood crush wants to fuck you and you're saying you can't."

"He also said we can't," Regulus reminds them.

"He's trying to be the bigger person," Barty rolls his eyes. "As soon as he sees you naked he won't be thinking about why he shouldn't fuck you."

"So you agree we shouldn't."

"Why does this always happen to Regulus?" Evan wonders. "He's in London for two days and his bigger problem is if he should or shouldn't fuck his brother's hot best friend." 

"Whores tend to attract this sort of thing," Pandora grins.

"Fuck off," Regulus says easily, starting to fold his sweaters now. "He called me to a party in his house."

"A party?" Barty sounds interested.

"A pool party," he adds. Sirius told him much when he came to help Regulus two days ago, showing up with house basics such as things to wash the dishes, towels, sheets and so on. He tried to make Regulus have dinner at his place every day since he arrived, but Regulus refused because he's not ready to get out of his flat yet. 

"You're going right?" Barty asks. When Regulus doesn't immediately answer, he tries again, "Right?"

"I don't know." 

"God, you're so stupid," Barty groans, trying to get closer to the camera and almost flipping Evan out of his lap. "Regulus, he'll be there, half-naked. Thighs out. Ass in swimming trunks. Happy trail that leaves nothing to the imagination. Abs on display. You have to go."

"Why do you always sound like a dog in heat?" 

"Because that's exactly what he is," Evan tells him casually. 

"There's also going to be my brother. All of his friends. His kid."

"You fucked fathers before."

"I did not," not that he's aware of. "That was you."

"I fucked a lot of people," he shrugs.

"Besides, Harry is not just a random kid. He's like their forever baby," he tells them. Harry is not an abstract idea, he's very real and Regulus spent years hearing stories about the kid. Sirius can't shut up about Harry, as the godfather and all. "I can't just pretend James is just a dad, he's Harry's dad."

"You can be the stepfather," Pandora offers unhelpfully.

"I don't know a single thing about kids," he deadpans. Regulus barely knows how to interact with adults. 

"Just treat him like an adult," Barty says. 

"Like Regulus' father did to him, traumatizing him for life?" Evan asks. 

"On second thought, don't do that," Barty concludes.

"But honestly Reg, how much do you want him?" Pandora asks, grabbing the phone from Barty's hand to put on the table in front of the bed. "Is it just "he's hot and I kind of want him" sort of thing or is your old crush coming back?" 

"It's not a crush," he refuses immediately. "That's long gone. Plus, I barely know him right now, I didn't even know him well back then because he was older. But he's hot, he always was, and now he thinks I'm hot and having him saying that we can't fuck makes me want to prove him wrong."

"He's being competitive," Barty tells them like he figured it all out. 

"He's chasing a thrill like a junkie," Evan adds. "That's not a good enough reason."

"What do you know about good reasons, Rosier?" Barty asks. "You fucked your sister's best friend as well." 

"The two of them," Pandora says unhelpfully. "At the same time." 

"And it was messy," Evan blinks. "If it was already messy between us just imagine how messy it would be with his brother involved, and the best friend, and the kid." 

They all stay in silence like he has a point. 

"On a scale of how much you want Evan's dick and how much I want Evan's dick, how much do you want James' dick?" Barty asks. 

"What's with the scale comparative?" Regulus frowns.

"Like, I really want Evan's dick all the time, but you don't. But you're also not repulsed by the idea of Evan's dick because he's a good fuck and he's hot."

"How the fuck am I dating you?" Evan mutters to himself.

"Evan is dating you, that's why I don't want his dick."

"Wait, would you want his dick if he wasn't with me?" Barty asks, almost jealous. He was cool with fucking about anyone and sharing people with Evan, but now that they're together and very monogamous, he's so jealous that it's almost toxic sometimes. Which makes Evan horny. 

"No," he says as if it's obvious. "But I also don't want his dick ever again."

"What's wrong with my dick?" Evan sounds offended. 

"This conversation is leading us nowhere," Pandora says. "It's simple Reg, do you want to fuck him because you're a slut and can't help it and it's forbidden or because you'll die if you don't sit on that dick?" 

He stops to think about it. "Probably the first option?"

"Then it's better if you don't," she concludes. 

"He said we could be friends, since all of you are in France."

"Who's fault is that?" Barty pouts. He's such a man-child. A very scary, violent man-child, but still. Barty can be scary but he's also very soft under all his thorns and spikes. 

"He friendzoned you," Evan tells him like he pities Regulus. "That's just sad, Regulus."

"Oh, fuck off," he grunts. "It wasn't a friendzone, it was more like a consolation prize."

"That's worse, babe," Pandora grimaces. "So are you going to his party?" 

"Sirius will probably make me go, but it sucks," he confesses. "Like I'm the little brother who's weird and has no friends so your older brother's friends take pity on you." 

That was Regulus' reality for a long time, he lost count of how many times Sirius brought him to his friend's birthday parties or lunch at the Potters and how everyone would treat him like a very cute kid, asking if he wanted to watch a cartoon or eat cake while they were drinking alcohol and smoking weed outside. But he's not that kid anymore and they're not that kind of person either, half of them have serious jobs and are thinking about marriage, kids and life insurance. 

The truth is, deep down Regulus feels like no matter how old he's now, they're always going to see him as Sirius' young brother who will never fit between them and Regulus doesn't want to feel like he's unfit. He took so long to make his own friends, to feel good in his own skin and manage to be easier to swallow, and the reality that maybe he'll realize he'll always be that kid in Sirius' friends' eyes is scary. He's not sure he wants that. 

"You can befriend the kid," Barty jokes. 

"You're so annoying, go kill yourself," Regulus tells him.

"Six years is barely an age gap. You're an adult now. With a job and a degree," Pandora says. "It's not pity, it's an opportunity for you to befriend people that you couldn't years ago." 

"Regulus will make older friends and become boring," Barty laments. "And we'll be the cool ones that still go to parties and do drugs."

It doesn't look like it but Barty has a job, he's a tattoo artist in a very popular area in Paris. Pandora also has a job, as a chemist doing new make-up cosmetics. Evan has a business degree that he obviously doesn't use, and besides being an heir he doesn't have any passions. Regulus knows for a fact he's good with doing nothing, and once he asked Evan what he was going to do after college and he said he would wait about two years to start making babies with Barty because being a father was his true vocation. Good for them. 

"You're making me depressed," Regulus says dryly.

"You already are," he grins from the screen. "Well, since you're not getting that dick, download Grindr and be happy." 

"What do you think?" Pandora asks suddenly. "About becoming his friend?" 

"I don't know," he shrugs. "What if we become friends but he'll always see me as Sirius' younger brother? I don't want that." 

"That would be creepy, since he admitted he thinks you're hot," Evan replies unbothered. "Do you want to know what I think?" Usually, no one wants to know what Evan thinks, he's brutally honest about everything, except when it was about wanting Barty only to himself. 

"Go on."

"I think you want his approval. Badly," he says. "You want to have sex with him because you think that he'll see you differently and you love being wanted because it makes you feel good about yourself, especially desired by your childhood crush." 

The annoying part is that Evan is not entirely wrong. Regulus has a chronic problem of wanting to be desired because he doesn't believe he can be liked. Not entirely or honestly. His mom made him think that getting others' approval was impossible being himself, and his father made him think that the only way to get men's attention was if he pretended to be someone else. Regulus' brain is fucked and he's still trying to accept that his worth does not equals how good he looks or how good he fucks. It's problematic and dehumanizing, and also the reason Regulus has therapy every two weeks. 

James never cared about Regulus, but Regulus always wanted his attention and he has it now. Because he's hot. Because James looked at him and thought that Regulus was worthy of his interest. And now Regulus kind of wants to show him that he's right, that Regulus is worthy, but in the only way he thinks he is. 

"Evan just ruined the mood," Pandora comments quietly. 

"He's partially right."

"You know that this happened with—" Evan starts saying.

"Don't say his name!" Barty interrupts him, putting a hand over his mouth. "His name is forbidden for eternity."

Evan looks annoyed by Barty, biting Barty's hand until he's grinning at him. 

"Well, he who should not be named was the same. You wanted his approval and you felt a thrill because you knew he desired you and you sought him out. Look how well that ended." 

Regulus would rather not think about it. 

"James is not like this," he says quietly.

"How do you know?" Evan challenges him.

"Because he thinks I'm hot but he told me that he would never do a single thing out of respect."

"To your brother." 

"James is not an asshole," he snaps. "He's not a player, either. He's kind and he's loyal. He might think I'm hot but he would never do what he did to me." 

They stay silent, probably remembering what exactly happened. 

"And maybe I'm thinking this all wrong, because it's me and I always do the worst thing for myself, but it's a good thing he's not an asshole because he won't hurt me. He won't take the bait."

"We just worry," Pandora says softly.

"And we can't punch every asshole who fucks with you anymore," Barty adds.

"I don't know, I'm down to flying to London just to punch people for Regulus," Evan smirks. 

"Oh, you're so hot, Rosier," Barty teases him. "Please have my babies."

Evan rolls his eyes, smiling at Barty like they're one second away from starting to do babies indeed. Pandora notices that too because they're just used to Evan and Barty's antics, he has no idea how someone can be so horny like them. 

Pandora takes the phone to herself, "I'm out, say goodbye to Regulus."

"Goodbye, Regulus!" They shout. 

"Go to the party," Barty adds. "Use short shorts."

"Don't fuck the hot brother's best friend," Evan says.

He sees Pandora rolling her eyes and getting out of their room, closing the door and putting earphones in, only then throwing herself at Evan's leather couch. 

"So," she smiles. "Tell me about the flat."

And he smiles back, starting to give her a tour. 

This is normal, he thinks. This is familiar. 

A thing about Sirius Black is that he's very good at convincing people. Regulus thinks his brother was a politician in another life. 

He was still thinking about not going to James' party, but Sirius was very adamant about Regulus going, so he got his way of things. 

Regulus has the feeling that his brother wants to insert him into his new life, with his friends, like he needs to keep all of the important people in his life in one place. Maybe Sirius always wanted Regulus to be friends with his friends, but the fact that Regulus was too young probably ruined his fantasy. Now he thinks Regulus can fit between his friends and Regulus lost the energy to tell his brother that it won't happen, so he accepted going. 

Sirius Black is a tangled mess of charming and scary. He's one of those people who gives off untouchable vibes, so people only admire him from afar. Sirius is charismatic, loud and very bright,— Regulus sometimes fears he's trying to copycat him. 

His brother is very likable but extremely unlikeable as well with some people. You either want to be him or want him. He has gray eyes like Regulus, a perfect nose and plump lips. Beautiful tattoos all over his body and a body people would die for. Sirius has long, curly hair that he takes care of religiously and he's always wearing pretty clothes. Sirius is cool. He's chic and punk at the same time. People often find the need to ask him if he's either a boy or a girl, like he needs to choose one, and Sirius will always answer "I'm Sirius Black and you shouldn't talk to me at all." 

Sirius can be arrogant with a certain crowd but extremely insecure with the people who truly knows him. He looks like a sex symbol, but he only had sex with one person in his entire life and has no interest in collecting men. Regulus always wanted to be Sirius, he wanted his body, his confidence and his casual way of thinking about himself. 

Sirius never hated who he was or thought too much about his existence, Sirius knew what he was and what he wanted and he never explained to people the whys. Regulus wanted that, but his brother was always the type of person who was too out of reach, like he was barely human at all but a secret thing. 

Though Regulus envied his brother when he was younger, he always loved him more than anything else, and these days Regulus barely thinks about how he wanted to be him at some point. 

And of course, when you think about Sirius Black you also think about Remus Lupin, his husband.

Regulus was fucking nine when Sirius started to date Remus. He remembers feeling very jealous about the idea of someone taking his brother's attention, but even at nine Regulus could see how smitten his brother was, and Sirius would say things like he's so pretty and Regulus would frown because at nine pretty belonged to clothes and dolls and not boys. 

Remus took Regulus to the movies and amusement parks, he would cook for him when their parents were traveling and Sirius would snuck Remus inside of their house, and he would recommend books to Regulus. It was hard for Regulus to trust people at that age, but he always liked Remus because he made Sirius smile and made him happy. He knew how Sirius was important to Regulus and how Regulus was important to Sirius. Regulus learned to love Remus from a very young age, and now he's not only Sirius' husband but Regulus' friend and family. He has been in Regulus' life for years now. 

Remus is the opposite of his brother. He's quiet and sarcastic, he wears short trousers and often forgets to brush his hair. He's a college professor of English literature and often can go unnoticed, not because he's ugly but because as tall as Remus is, he'd prefer to hide in plain sight rather than receive attention. He's the calm in Sirius' storm and Regulus only started to believe in love because of them. Marriage and relationships were so messy for Regulus, he only had his parents in comparison so he never believed in good love, but Sirius changed that for Regulus. 

They've been married for six years now, thirteen since they started to date and Regulus just knows they'll die together just as in love as they're now. It's sweet and it makes Regulus jealous. 

It's not that Regulus is dying to have a relationship, but he wanted the opportunity to have a good thing like them. To date someone who loves him, will marry him and want a family with him. Unfortunately for Regulus, his luck with relationships is worse than his mother's. He wants what Sirius has, not because he's an envious little brother but because he wants a happiness so pure and peaceful like theirs. Sue him for wanting some romance. 

"You know, it's not even that hot today," Regulus complains for the thousandth time since he got into their car. Wearing short shorts and a big t-shirt he's pretty sure it actually belongs to Pandora. 

Sirius is driving because Remus hates to drive, wearing even shorter shorts than Regulus', with a tank top sliding from his shoulder and sunglasses on the top of his head. 

"Did you complain that much before meeting french people?" Sirius wonders. "I don't think so, what do you think, Moony?" 

"Regulus has been a bitch since the moment he learned how to talk, I'm afraid." Regulus kicks his seat for that. 

"You do know he was the one who raised me, right?" Regulus asks him. "So if I'm a bitch, your kids will also be bitches." 

"They'll have Moony to keep things balanced," Sirius says easily. He's focusing on his brand now, but Regulus thinks kids are next in line. "And I don't know why you're whining so much, you liked my friends!"

"When I was thirteen."

"Look at that, Moony," Sirius says amusedly. "Regulus is all grown up now and doesn't want to socialize with our friends anymore."

"He's so cool now," Remus teases him. 

Sometimes, he feels like their kid. 

"You're so annoying," he huffs. 

"We're pushing to thirty but we still know how to party, Reg, I promise," Sirius grins at him. 

"The more you talk, the more I regret this," he sighs. "I could've stayed home, you know?"

"And doing what? Reading and watching Sex and the City? Get a life, Regulus," Sirius tells him. 

"There's nothing wrong with that life choice," Remus says. "It's definitely better than a party."

"You're supposed to be on my side," Sirius complains. "I'm your husband."

"Are you?" Remus gasps, though he's smiling like an idiot. Sirius starts smiling too. 

"Why does James have a pool, though?" Regulus asks. 

"To throw pool parties," Sirius shrugs. "And to teach Harry how to swim."

"He swims, he has football classes and what more? Is he trying to raise an athlete?" Regulus wonders.

"Lily is trying to raise a prime minister and James an olympian," Remus jokes. "Lily is winning." 

"He's very enthusiastic about football, though," Sirius tells him with pride in his voice. "I gave up on teaching him how to draw, the kid's a disaster."

"He also hates reading," Remus adds. 

"Is he going to be there?" He hadn't even thought about it. Regulus thought that because it was going to be a party, there wouldn't be any kids around, but he's not sure about the rules of having a kid at twenty-one. 

"Yes," Sirius replies. "At this point, we only don't take Harry to the club and the pub."

"Give him one more year and we're letting him pay for the first round," Remus jokes. 

"He must be huge," Regulus comments. 

"Oh, yes, we're almost teaching him how to drive," Sirius laughs at his own joke. "But knowing Harry he'll make someone play Mario Kart with him and ignore us. He likes parties but hates entertaining us because he says we baby him too much. Can you believe that? He's seven! We should baby him." 

"He also knows the right moment to ask for something," Remus tells him. "He's seven and already knows everyone will give him everything he wants after a few drinks." 

He looks like a heathen. "You know, I think I like Harry already."

"Oh no, I think we're not ready for Regulus and Harry uniting their diabolical strategies," Sirius says amusedly. 

"Ha ha."

"We're here," his brother announces, parking the car. 

James' house is not a big, luxurious and modern house. It's big, sure, with three floors and probably a lot of rooms, but it's not ostentatious on the outside. Red brick walls and white window frames, a green lawn in the front yard and James' car parked in front of the house with a red bicycle laid on the grass. 

From here, Regulus can hear the faint sound of voices in the backyard. Sirius and Remus obviously don't ring the bell, coming inside like they own the place. 

James Potter's house smells like scented candles and sugar, and though it's big, it feels like home. Jackets hung close by the door, warm tones and wooden floor. Pictures everywhere, of friends, family and Harry. So many pictures of Harry. Rugs and paintings decorate the place, bowls and ceramics. Toys are lost in the living room, child's drawings are on the fridge and lost shoes are by the stairs. Every room is lived, it has a soul, so different from the empty house Regulus grew in it's scary. 

They pass through the big kitchen, with mosaic tiles in blue tones on the walls and dark wooden cabinets. The island in the middle of the kitchen is full of things and plastic bags from the market, and Regulus catches people outside from the french door leading to the backyard. 

"Oh, look who's here," a feminine voice says as a greeting. 

Lily Evans appears in the kitchen with a green bathing suit and an open black kimono. She's more beautiful than Regulus remembers, and time only made her good. Lily was very pretty when she was a teenager, but as a woman she's breathtaking. 

Her red hair is shorter than he remembers, now at her collarbones, but her green eyes and freckles are the same, just as her welcoming and bright smile. Regulus always admired her, she's a force of nature. 

"Oh my god," she says with a grin. "Regulus Black in the flesh."

"Hi, Lily," he smiles at her. 

She promptly goes to hug him, still shorter than Regulus. 

"It's been too long," she says happily. "You look good."

"You too," he nods, breaking the hug. 

"Why we're not getting the same treatment?" Sirius asks, a little jealous. 

"I saw you two yesterday," she shoos him away. "You're a book editor now, huh? Got yourself important, didn't you?" She asks him. 

"And you're giving people justice," he guesses. "I think you're very important too."

"Graduated with honors," she winks at him. "I need to introduce you to Dorcas."

"Who's Dorcas?" 

"My fiancee, come on," she grabs him by the arm.

"She really doesn't give a fuck about us," he hears Sirius complaining while Lily takes him to the backyard. 

There's a porch you get access through the french doors in the kitchen with a barbecue grill and a long table, in the non-covered part of the backyard there's a pool with chaise lounges around it. There are also people, most Regulus knows. 

Marlene, the blond girl that's inside the pool and Mary, her girlfriend that's more James' family than friend. Mary met the gang in college, and Regulus knows more of her than her properly, since he only saw her once when he was still living in London and then at Sirius' wedding. Mary is also Brazilian, but since her entire family still lives in Brazil, James' family kind of adopted her, or so Sirius told him. 

Then there's James, of course, also in the pool talking animatedly with Mary with sunglasses at the top of his head. He bets he's not seeing shit. 

And then someone Regulus never met, a woman lying in the pool chair with a dark purple bathing suit and sunglasses. Tall. Dark skinned. Black braided hair. Gorgeous. Possibly Dorcas, Lily's fiancee. 

"Honey, I want you to meet someone," Lily tells Dorcas, who lifts her head to them. 

But before she can introduce Regulus, Marlene says loudly, "Baby Black!" 

Had he already said how much he loathes the nickname? Because he does. 

"Oh, and you're popular," Dorcas says amusedly. 

"Of course he is," Lily laughs. "That's Regulus, Sirius' brother."

"I gathered that part," she says. "I'm Dorcas, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Before Regulus can say something else, Marlene is getting out of the pool in black bikinis to greet him. 

What he knows about Marlene is very little, he knows she had a weird phase in college and changed her hair color all the time. He knows she's a physiotherapist who works with athletes, lives with Mary and has a dog. Marlene is blond with a wolf cut, has lots of tattoos and a nose piercing. She's also very loud and shameless, sometimes even clueless. From the OG group (Lily, Marlene, James, Remus and Sirius), she's the one Regulus knew less about. She's funny though, and always down to some drinking if Regulus remembers correctly. 

"Regulus! I haven't seen you in ages," she smiles at him. "You're so pretty now, you've changed a lot."

"That was the point," he says and she laughs. 

"You're looking great," she tells him softly. "Doesn't he look great, babe?" She asks Mary, who's still in the pool. 

"Amazing," Mary agrees, giving him a thumbs up. "You're a sight for sore eyes, Black." 

"Thanks," he snorts. Then Regulus' eyes find James, who he can't tell if is looking at him or not, since he's wearing the sunglasses now. But he secretly hopes James is. "Hi, Potter." 

"Hi," he grins at him. "Fancy a swim?" 

"I don't think so," he tells him. "It looks cold." 

"It's actually not that bad," Marlene tells him, and then she jumps on the pool soon after to prove her point, splashing water on Regulus' naked legs and shirt. 

"You started the party without us?" Sirius asks, joining them with a glass of something in hand. 

"You're late," James shows him his tongue. "Come on in, Pads, the water is nice today."

"Not today, Prongs," he shakes his head. "I'll save my hair from the trouble."

"Ditto," Dorcas agrees. 

"Where's Harry?" Remus asks.

"In his room," Lily says, sitting in the chair beside Dorcas. "He said he'll only get out of his room to eat, but he's lying," then to Regulus, she says, "My kid has FOMO." 

"It's very serious at this age," Dorcas snorts. 

"Do you want something to drink, Reg?" Lily asks, being a better host than James. 

"Oh, I can grab something myself, it's not a big deal," he tells her. "It's in the kitchen?" 

"Just open the fridge," she says easily. 

He nods, going back to the kitchen to fetch something to drink. James' fridge it's a monstrosity of too many details, with tons of magnets, pictures and drawings. Before Regulus can open the door though, he hears a noise of things falling on the floor, and too curious for his own good, he follows the noise.

Regulus stops at an open door under the stairs, seeing a baseball bat laid on the floor. 

A small boy gets out of the tiny closet with a frog floater around his waist, shark swimming shorts and Lightning McQueen Crocs. 

His hair is messy just like his father's, and Harry is a carbon copy of James, except for his big, green eyes that are all Lily's. 

He doesn't look at Regulus like he was caught up doing something wrong, but with squinted suspicious eyes. 

"Who are you?" He asks. 

"I'm Regulus," he replies without anything better to say. 

Harry pauses, trying to make sense of this stranger in front of him. 

"I'm Harry," he ends up saying.

"I know," Regulus nods, very business-like. 

"How do you know?" He demands, still suspicious. 

"We met before but you won't remember me," he says. "You were very little."

"How little?" 

Regulus holds his forefinger close to his thumb. "This small."

"Liar! I was never this small," he tells him, like Regulus is stupid for insinuating such a thing. It makes him want to smile. 

"It's okay, I was quite small myself."

"You don't look small," he frowns.

"That's because I grew," he tells him like it's a secret. 

"How old are you?" He asks, now seeming curious. 

"I'm twenty-two."

Harry nods, like it makes much sense for Regulus to be twenty-two. He stares at Regulus then, being quite scary as he looks at him like he's looking right into his soul. He has spirit, this one. 

"You look like uncle Pads," he finally says. He can't believe they passed their stupid nicknames to Harry as well. 

"That's because I'm his brother."

"Ohhh," he nods to himself, like it all makes sense now. "He talks about you sometimes," he lets him know. "He also said you lived very far away in…" He furrows his eyebrows, "France!" He says France like he's very clever for knowing this. 

"That's right," he smiles. "I lived there for a while."

"Not anymore?" 

"No, I'm living here now," he replies. "I moved just this week."

"Why?" 

"Because I'll start working here."

"Doing what?" 

"Editing books."

"What's that?" So he's a curious, why kid. Definitely his parents' kid. 

"You know the books you read?" He asks, and Harry nods. "Before you can read them and buy them at a store, someone needs to read before all of that to know if the book is good enough. That's what I do." 

"So you read all the books before other people read them?"

"Something like that, yes." 

"Cool," Harry nods. "I don't like books but mom likes to read them for me, she makes funny voices like I'm a baby."

"And you're not?" Regulus pretends to be shocked.

"I'm seven!" He says proudly. 

"A very good age to have, I heard." 

"Harry Potter," a voice says behind Regulus, making him shiver a bit. "What's all that."

"Oh, shucks," Harry mutters under his breath. "Hi, dad!" He smiles brightly at James, like he's a saint. 

"What are you doing," James asks him, now getting to Regulus' side. He smells like chlorine, and by turning his head, he sees that James is not completely dried yet, with a few drops running down his body. Regulus kind of wants to lick it. 

"Nothing!" 

"Harry, what did I tell you? There's no point in lying when there's evidence," James points to the lonely baseball bat on the floor. Harry looks at Regulus like he'll offer help. He won't.

"Fine," he throws his hands up in the air. "I was searching for my floater, and I found it!"

"After making a mess, clearly."

"But dad," he widens his green eyes and Regulus will give it to James, if it were him he would fold completely. Harry is a cute kid and he knows it. 

"What do we do when we make a mess?" James asks very lightly. 

"We clean them," Harry says unhappily. 

"Exactly."

"I was going to! But Reggie showed up!" He tries to explain, throwing Regulus under the bus. 

James looks at him, eyelashes still wet under his glasses and a stubborn strand glued to his forehead. "Reggie, huh?"

That surprised Regulus as well. 

"It's true," Regulus decides to help Harry, feeling like they're pals now that he called him Reggie and all. "He got distracted."

"See," Harry says. 

"So you can clean the mess now, then," James tells him. "I'll take Reggie out of your sight so you don't get distracted." He had no business in making Reggie sound so dirty. "And Haz?" 

"Yes, dad?" He says cutely. 

"Next time you want to find something, ask for help," he tells him softly. And look at that, James Potter being a good dad is hotter than everything else. "So you don't get hurt."

"Okay," he agrees, even if a little bit grumpily. 

"So you need help now?" He asks him.

Harry looks at the closet, then at his father. He sighs and says, "Yes please."

Parenting it's hot, Regulus decides. 

James promptly helps him, and Regulus gets so lost in the action that he stands in the hallway watching son and father putting things back in place. They finish in less than two minutes and as soon as he's finished, Harry runs away in the kitchen's direction. 

"He's cute," Regulus tells James. "Very curious though. He told me I'm cool."

"He's a flatterer, he thinks it will get him things," James smiles fondly. "Thought you were going to grab a drink."

"And you decided to follow me to make sure I wasn't stalking your house?" He smiles innocently at him. 

"Maybe you got lost."

"It's very big, maybe I would," he nods. 

Now that it's just the two of them, Regulus allows himself to really look at James. His poorly-dried body, wet hair sticking to his neck, muscled body and happy trail leading to his red swim trunks clinging to his thick thighs. James is Regulus' wet dream and he's having a hard time behaving. 

"My eyes are up here, you know?" James says amusedly. 

"Oh, but the view down here it's so much more interesting," he smirks at him. "You have a nice house," he changes the subject, stopping himself from ogling James. 

"Thanks," he replies. "Do you want that drink now?"

"Yes," he agrees, following James back to the kitchen. "I heard a noise, by the way. So I was just making sure no one was robbing your house or something, that's when I saw Harry. You should tell him not to talk to strangers, though."

"I try but he quite likes the attention," James says, opening the fridge to grab lemons. 

Regulus rests his waist on the countertop, watching James cut the lemons and grab a glass and a bottle. 

"What are you doing?" He asks. 

"Caipirinha," he replies. By the casualty he says it, he thinks it's something in Portuguese.

"What's that?" He asks interested. Regulus was always interested in James' life, about his culture and his country, but he was too shy to ask back then so he only knows the basics, which is what Sirius told him. Now, Regulus knows that James was never interested in sharing things with Regulus about himself, he was just being nice to a lonely kid. 

"It's a Brazilian alcoholic drink," he tells him. "You put the lemon, smash it until you get all the juice out with sugar, then you complete with cachaça and ice."

"Ca what now?"

"Cachaça," he laughs. "It's a type of alcohol in Brazil made with sugar cane, it's very strong but common there." He shows him the bottle. "The drink it's very good, probably the best thing you'll ever have."

"Tastes like what?" 

"A better margarita without salt," he tells him, smashing the lemons. Regulus watches him making the drink with interest, and when he finishes, James takes a sip to make sure it's good. He hums, giving it to Regulus. 

He feels a little thrill in drinking from the same spot James' lips touched. 

Regulus takes a tentative sip, surprising himself with the taste. It's quite strong, but it's also very good. He thinks he can drink at least five of these.

"Good?" James asks, smiling like he already knows the answer. 

"I probably can drink lots of those," he confesses, drinking one more sip and tasting the alcohol before tasting the lemon with the sugar. 

"Careful, it makes you drunk quite easily," he warns him, amused. "It's always nice to give someone their first caipirinha. It's a life-changing thing." 

"Now you're just exaggerating," he snorts. "They don't sell those in clubs."

"No, they don't," he agrees. "There's a version of this with vodka, but it's horrible for my taste. The cachaça it's the secret." 

"It does taste quite nice in this," he agrees. 

"So, lots of clubs in France?" He asks casually, like he's fishing for information. 

"You make it sound like it's a surprise," he snorts. "I have friends, a life, I went to the clubs. Can you believe that?"

"Sarcasm," he points out. "It's just new to see you in this light. Sirius always made it sound like you were still fifteen and alone in the world."

"Never listen to Sirius when it's about me," he shakes his head. "He also doesn't know half the shit I did there."

"Bad things?" James smirks at him, like he can smell in Regulus all his depravity. 

"Lots of bad, dirty things," he nods. "Things my brother will never know, thankfully. Living in another country gives you the liberty to do everything you want." And Regulus had no one he was trying to behave for, which became a problem at some point but also gave him freedom. 

"What about your uncle?" He asks, also resting his hip on the countertop and mirroring Regulus, like he's really interested in knowing about it and not just amusing Regulus like when he was younger. He wants to know now, because now Regulus is interesting. 

"Alphard was never a parent to me," he tells him easily. Not bitterly because Regulus is not mad at Alphard for it. "He cared about the right things. He asked about school, he took me to every appointment and brought me everything I needed. But he also had a very busy life before me, he was good to me but he was more my friend than my parent." 

"You studied in a boarding school, didn't you?" Regulus nods. "Why?"

"He was always traveling," he shrugs. "Looking for artists, visiting exhibitions he thought about bringing to France and making contacts. I didn't want to burden him with my presence because he was already doing too much. He wouldn't need to worry about me if I was safe in a boarding school."

"So you just tried to not impose on him with your presence," he guesses. "Even though he took you in. And you also didn't want to stay because you didn't want to be a burden to Sirius."

"Are you psychoanalyzing me?" He arches an eyebrow. 

"Just noticing patterns," he grins, then shrugs. 

James is right, of course. Regulus felt like, by coming out as trans, he also became a problem people needed to deal with, which now he knows wasn't the case but he didn't want to mess up people's lives just because he needed to change his. Sirius and Alphard did everything they could for Regulus but he never asked for more, he could've stayed with his brother but it wasn't the right thing no matter how much he was scared of being away from Sirius. He could've lived with Alphard, but it seemed like Regulus was taking advantage of his hospitality, so he decided to go to a boarding school.

Regulus was always afraid of being a heavyweight in people's lives, and he still has a problem with sharing his shit because it feels like people can notice how heavy Regulus can be and they don't want the weight to themselves.

"I love Alphard," he feels the need to clarify. "He cared about me more than my parents ever did." Not that that would be hard. "And Beauxbatons wasn't bad, I loved it there." 

It was his happy years. Making new friends, tightening their bond and learning how to be himself. Reading under the trees in the garden, gossiping with Evan and Barty in the hallways and reading quietly with Pandora in the library. Exploring places on the weekends and sneaking cheap alcohol inside to drink in the middle of the night with his friends. He had more happy memories there than he had in his whole life, and it was a euphoric moment to be alive. To realize that Regulus could exist outside of his head. 

Beauxbatons gave Regulus a sense of home his house never managed to. 

"Like Hogwarts was for us," James guesses. 

Hogwarts is also a boarding school and Regulus studied there before running away from his house. Much like Beauxbatons, they could leave on the weekends, but Regulus always hated that when Sirius was studying, because it meant he was alone, and then he hated when he started to study there because Sirius was already graduating and he had to come back home on the weekends. His brother always loved Hogwarts though, and now Regulus can understand because it was what Beauxbatons was for him. The place where Sirius learned how to be himself, learned freedom. 

"Yeah," he nods. "I met my friends there and it was good. Life was good in those years."

"What are your friends like?" He wonders. 

"Not like yours," is all he needs to say. "They're all very insane."

"To suit you, I guess," he jokes. 

"Sometimes I think they're crazier than me but we just fit," he shrugs, knowing that James will understand.

"That's good," he says softly, meaning it. 

He opens his mouth, but a loud, "Dad!" makes him jump a bit. 

"I'm droooowning," Harry screams. 

Regulus gets worried for a bit, until he realizes James is grinning and shaking his head. 

"He's not drowning?" He asks to make sure. 

"No, the little shit knows how to swim since he was five," he snorts. 

"Daaaaaad," Harry screams again, making very convincing gurgling noises. "Help me!" 

"Oh no, James," Sirius screams from outside. "Harry is drowning!"

"I told him to stop joking about this and about the boy who screamed about a wolf hunting him," James tells him. "He doesn't listen." 

"He seems like a fun kid," Regulus grins.

"DAD," Harry screams. 

"I'll be right back," James tells him, putting his glasses on the countertop and running to the backyard. "Wait up, buddy, dad's going to save you," he tells Harry, very convincingly as well. 

"Pleaseeee," Harry cries out fakely. 

James jumps inside the pool, and Regulus watches from the french door James grabbing Harry and throwing him up in the air like he weighs nothing. Harry laughs maniacally, screaming stop, stop, and Regulus realizes something awful. 

James being a dad it's really, really hot. And it makes Regulus, the one with massive daddy issues, very, very horny. 

He feels like a failure, but he bets people would melt if they saw how much James cares about Harry. 

Deciding that thirsting over James is a bad idea, he goes to sit with the rest of the people, pretending he's not watching James play shark with Harry while Sirius' feet are producing "waves" from where he's sitting on the edge. 

He talks with the girls about life in general, telling stories about Paris and spontaneous travels to other countries with his friends. He tells them about college and his job, everything he knows so far and why he decided to return to London. Dorcas seems very interested in Regulus, so in a matter of time all of them start sharing stories about younger Regulus and apparently how cute and weird he was, but always fondly. Regulus even tells Dorcas why he left home, but she doesn't ask too many questions or act like it's a big deal as some people do, widening their eyes and saying really? Like the idea of Regulus being trans is shocking news. 

He asks them about their jobs, learning that Mary is a preschool teacher and Dorcas is actually Lily's coworker. He gets really interested in Dorcas as well and learns that she was Lily's classmate and apparently they hated each other because Lily was an arrogant cunt and Dorcas a mean smartass, and that both of them fought to be on top of their classes constantly. They only stopped fighting in Lily's last year, when they realized they were actually pretty similar and all the rivalry was actually a lot of sexual tension. They've been together ever since and now are engaged, due to marry in nine months in Cornwall, to which Lily says, "You're invited of course."

Through the whole thing, Regulus realizes how easily all of them are with Harry. He's really loved and he's not unaware of that. For a kid, he's very thoughtful, giving attention to everyone and asking for each one of them to play with him, going to his mom to offer her a glass of water and telling Mary she's pretty. He really is a flatterer, but it's really sweet to watch him be so nice to all of them. 

He does cartwheels with Marlene, he plays a game of memory with Remus and tries to make everyone play hide and seek with him. 

When Regulus is lying in the chaise lounge chair shirtless and trying to get a tan, Harry suddenly asks, "What's this?" Pointing at Regulus' scars. 

At first, he thinks he's asking about the tattoo of a sword with an ouroboros surrounding the weapon on his sternum, but when Lily says a mortified Harry, he knows it's not. 

"You shouldn't ask people about their scars," she tells him, though not unkindly. 

"No, it's okay," he says, not sure how he should explain the concept of trans people and gender to a seven-year-old. He knows Harry is not asking to be mean, he's just curious about things he doesn't understand. "Do you know the differences between a man's and a woman's body?" He tries to go for the less complicated approach. 

"Yes," he nods. "I learned at school! Mom has boobies because she needs to feed babies." 

"We're raising a little misogynist," Dorcas whispers in an amused voice. 

Regulus doesn't try to explain to Harry that not all people that have boobies can feed babies, and not all women can have babies, this is a conversation for another time. 

"Well, I was born with a body like your mom's," he tries not to grimace. 

"Okay?" Harry frowns. 

"But I didn't like it, so I took it off." 

"You can do that?" His eyes go wide. 

"Well, yes," he nods. "I did it because I was always a boy, but with the wrong body. Does that make sense?"

"You took off your boobies because you're not a girl?" He tries.

"Yeah, pretty much." 

"You can just change?" 

"It takes some time to change, you need to go to doctors and stuff," he explains patiently. "But it can be done, yes. Not everyone wants to, though."

"So you took your boobies but mom likes hers because she's not a boy?" 

"Yes."

"But you are?"

"Don't you think I'm a boy?" 

"No, you definitely look like a boy," he nods, making up his mind. 

"That's right, I'm a trans boy," he tells him. 

"Like transformation?" He wonders.

"Something like that, yes."

"Cool," he says in awe, Regulus is feeling cool too. Harry then bolts to the pool again and forgets all about Regulus' scars. 

"I'm so sorry," Lily tells him, though it was Regulus who said it was fine. "We're definitely raising him with an open mind and all, but he always seems quick to ask the whys before we can approach the subject."

"It's okay," he smiles at her. "He's a very cool kid himself. He understood better than grown-ups do." 

"He's alright," Lily smiles softly, like Harry is her pride and joy. 

James grills some hamburgers for them after a while, blasting music that Harry loves and sings around the backyard, so energized that it makes Regulus tired. 

If he notices James' eyes on his body, Regulus ignores, after all that's what friends do. 

If James notices Regulus' eyes on him, he also ignores it. 

He discovers that Mary's caipirinhas are better than James', and that his brother probably thinks Regulus is an alcoholic by now, telling him to slow down on the alcohol, which makes Regulus feel like a kid. 

At some point, when they're all fed, a little tanned and tasting like chlorine, Harry convinces Regulus to play Lego Batman with him on the PlayStation while the grown-ups nap or start to clean around, and playing Lego Batman tipsy with a seven-year-old it's one of the most fun experiences Regulus ever had. 

Harry crashes, though. And after one hour playing he naps immediately, pouting cutely with a red nose from the sun. Regulus leaves him up to the Dreamland and goes back to the kitchen, catching James washing the dishes alone. 

"Need a hand?" Regulus asks. 

"You can dry those," he points to the washed dishes. Regulus grabs a dishtowel to start drying it. "Harry slept?"

"Crashed like a dead body," he snorts. "He's so energetic, I thought kids lasted less than that."

"He's a very special case," he smiles. "He gets too excited when everyone is around so he wants to live fully. He probably already has FOMO." 

"Lily said the same thing."

"She was right," he snorts. 

Regulus was always interested in Lily and James' relationship. He knows James had a crush on Lily when they were teenagers, because Lily told him once when Regulus was thirteen, but he's pretty sure Lily herself is a lesbian. He also knows they became very close friends in college and in a very crazy Halloween party, Harry was made. 

He knows they're a family, but he also knows there were never romantic feelings between James and Lily.

"What's the story there, anyway?" Regulus asks, daring to be curious. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You and Lily. Harry. How did it happen?"

"You know, when a man—" 

"Shut up," he stops him playfully. "I mean the day it all happened. I want to know the story, I only got the PG version." 

"You were pretty PG yourself," he snorts, like he's funny or something. Regulus hits him with the dishtowel. "Aggressive."

"Likes to be spanked, Potter?" He arches an eyebrow. 

"Not much, you look like you do, though."

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He smirks. "Now tell me." 

"It was Halloween, I was heartbroken about someone, Lily discovered she was being cheated on and there was a party happening," he explains. "Sirius and Remus weren't going because they were going to do a movie marathon with you. So it was just me and Lily drinking to forget our broken hearts. We got too drunk. We mixed with weed and got hammered, and then we decided that maybe we should fuck and we did. I don't remember a single thing, nor does Lily. She threw up five minutes before we were done," Regulus laughs at this. "Next day, we realized what we did and that we never used a condom. She took a plan B, we agreed on never mentioning it again, and a few weeks later, her period didn't come. She wanted to keep Harry and that was it," he explains. "Best decision of our lives." 

"So you have a super sperm," Regulus comments. "And makes women throw up after having sex with you." 

"Fuck off," he laughs. Regulus finds himself smiling too. "It was very scary, to realize I was going to be a parent," he confesses, sobering up. 

"Well, as far as I can tell you're doing a great job," he says quietly. "Harry is a nice kid."

"You're good with him," James notices. 

"I didn't know I could be good with kids until now, so maybe it's just Harry's charm." Regulus never had contact with kids of any kind, not the baby ones or the grown-up ones, he also doesn't hate kids, though people like to think he does. 

"Maybe," James repeats. 

They go back to their tasks in silence, but it's not the weird kind. James' house it's actually quite nice, quiet and calm. He can hear the fainting sound of music in the backyard as long as soft voices, the sun lowering and leaving everything orange and Sirius sleeping soundly between Remus' legs on the chaise lounge. 

He's distracted, so he doesn't notice the glass slipping from his hand and falling onto the countertop, breaking.

"Fuck," he lets out, taking a step back so the glass doesn't land on him. "Shit, sorry," he tells James, feeling bad for breaking his glass.

"You good?" James asks, seeming more worried about Regulus than the glass. 

"Yes," he replies. "I think I drank too many caipirinhas, it makes me clumsy." 

"Told you so," he snorts. 

"I'm really sorry, James," he says, looking at the pieces of broken glass all over his countertop. 

"It's just a glass, Reg," he shakes his head. "I'm just glad you didn't hurt yourself." 

"Let me clean up," he offers, reaching his hand to start grabbing the pieces of glass, but James stops him by holding his wrist. 

"I can do it," he tells him. "If you're clumsy, let's just keep you away from danger."

"I'm not that clumsy," he argues. But James is already pushing him away from the mess lightly, grabbing a plastic bag so he can put the pieces inside. 

He picks one by one, and Regulus just watches him feeling stupid for breaking the damn thing. At least James has lots of glasses, if this happened in Regulus' place he would have to drink everything in his mug, since he only has one glass at his flat. He needs to go shopping. 

"Shit," James hisses, reeling his hand back quickly. 

"What? What is it?" Regulus promptly asks. 

James shows him his finger, now with a single droplet of blood. Regulus grabs his hand, ignoring how big and strong James' hand is, looking closely to see if there's a piece of glass stuck in his finger. 

"Now who's clumsy?" Regulus mutters, squinting his eyes. "I don't think there's any glass stuck here, you must've cut it with a pointed piece." 

"Thanks, doctor," he jokes. "Good to know I'm not dying."

Regulus rolls his eyes, and against all good sense, with mind probably blank and no single thought in his head, Regulus fucking licks the blood out of his finger. 

Licks. It. 

Only when he tastes James' blood on his tongue mixed with the taste of soap does he realize what he just did. He would like to say that, if this was any of his friends, he would do the same thing, but James is not one of them, he's the guy Regulus kind of wants to fuck and he just licked his finger like a creep. 

God, he's so embarrassing. 

"This was not me making a move on you," he finds the need to clarify, cheeks getting warm. 

James looks a little shocked, but not in a bad way. And would you look at that, his pupils are wider than before and his eyes are very focused on Regulus' lips.

"Of course not, everyone knows that to make a move you need to suck, not lick," James says, but it doesn't feel like a joke. His voice is lower, huskier. 

Regulus feels his body getting warm, a flutter in his stomach and goosebumps all over his arms. Because Regulus is a masochist and a very stupid one, he looks at James intently, still holding his hand. His finger brushes James' palm smoothly, caressing the length of his fingers, he notices James' shoulder tensing and without a warning, he brings the same finger to his mouth. Sucking James' finger with eyes locked on his, a pool of deep brown. And Regulus wonders if James' body is also reacting to Regulus. If he can feel the attraction trying to pull them together like magnets. If he feels the fire in his veins. 

Regulus lets go of his finger, then his hand, pretending he does that every day and that his trunks are not probably a little wet now. 

"This still was not me trying to make a move on you," he clarifies. Though he's not sure himself what this was. 

"Regulus," he says his name almost in a warning tone, like Regulus should be careful with his teasing because it might get him in trouble. Regulus kind of wants trouble. 

"James," he says back, inviting him in just by saying his name. 

"Friends, remember?" James sounds strained. Regulus would like to know what he's thinking right now. 

"I was being friendly," he defends himself. 

"Your brother is right there," James reminds him. Maybe Regulus needed the reminder. 

"He's sleeping," he tells him. "Plus I sucked your finger not your cock." 

"You shouldn't suck anything of mine for starters," it feels like Regulus is being lectured, but he can only think about how James is hot. Would he spank his ass for being a brat? 

"You let me," he shrugs. "Not exactly my fault, is it?" 

"Reg—"

"Don't you need to clean the rest?" He asks, changing the subject. Regulus will avoid another conversation about how they shouldn't because he already knows that. He also knows that he's terribly addicted to doing things he shouldn't. 

James opens his mouth, like he wants to protest and talk about it again, but he sees something in Regulus' expression that makes him change his mind, so he closes his mouth and goes back to cleaning the glass, this time without cutting himself. 

They go back to their tasks without saying a word, but the tension doesn't go anywhere, choking them little by little. Not a tension fuelled by awkwardness, but something much worse. Regulus was attracted to many men, but he doesn't think any of them made him want to do something so stupid as James does. He's seeing all the reasons why this can't happen, but he can't stop thinking about the what-ifs. 

Regulus has no idea how James thinks it's a good idea for them to be friends, the smartest thing to do is for them to never speak again and ignore each other's existence because if today was any example, then Regulus thinks this whole friendship thing it's faded to failure. 

By the time Sirius wakes up, telling Regulus they should leave, he's tired of reminding himself over and over again why James is different. Why James is out of limits. And when they say their goodbyes, Regulus tries to promise to himself that he'll stay away from James. 

It's the best thing he can do to stop himself from doing something stupid. 

Chapter Text

As a bonding activity, Sirius bullied Regulus into starting a yoga class with him every Tuesday and Thursday. Regulus despises doing any form of exercise and now he likes his body enough to never think about it, but Sirius was adamant about them going to the stupid classes like rich housewives and Regulus couldn't get out of it. 

So that's where he's now, doing fucking yoga with his brother and regretting ever moving to London.

They could've done something normal like drinking or going to brunch, but no, Sirius wanted yoga and what he wants, he gets. Sometimes, Regulus regrets not being a brat with Sirius, it made him weak at fighting back against his brother's stupid ideas, no matter how much Regulus hates it, he always ends up doing what Sirius wants. 

It's just that from a very young age, Sirius was everything Regulus ever had. He wanted to impress and be perfect for his parents, but more than anything, Regulus wanted to make Sirius proud. But because Sirius was a parent more than a brother, Regulus never really fought with him. Sirius was older and wiser and he knew the world better than Regulus, so he listened to his brother and never fought with him because he wanted Sirius to keep loving him and liking him. Even when Regulus did want a fight with his brother, Sirius was always too mature to give in and fight back, which made them never able to have a normal sibling relationship. 

He heard stories about Pandora and Evan fighting over clothes, making too much noise and pulling each other's hair once or twice, Regulus never had that with Sirius because he was a child, and then, when he was old enough to be a pain in the ass, Sirius was out of the house and only saw Regulus on the weekends. He could've become bitter, Regulus thinks, mad at Sirius for leaving and all that, but Regulus already knew Sirius stayed more than he wanted because of him so it never crossed his mind. It was almost natural for Regulus to not get mad at Sirius, and though sometimes he gets annoyed about his overprotective nature, Regulus doesn't hate it because it shows that Sirius cares.

"So how's work?" Sirius asks in a hushed voice, stretching himself by the mat on Regulus' side. They're in the back, but Regulus thinks they shouldn't talk at all. 

"We aren't supposed to talk," he whispers back, grunting a bit when a muscle pops. Regulus swears this position shouldn't exist, he feels his entire body burning. 

"We're in the back, no one will care," he replies. Sirius is doing a lot better than Regulus in the stretching. "So?"

"Work is fine," he says. 

It's been three weeks since Regulus moved back to London and things are good so far. He still doesn't have new friends, but at this point in his life, he thinks his true friends are enough, even if they're only on a screen and texts. He found two bookstores he absolutely loved, a favorite coffee shop to buy his chai tea latte and a bakery that sells an amazing chocolate cake. 

Regulus' days are far calmer than they were in France, he wakes up, eats breakfast sometimes, cooks once in a while and goes to work. Work is slow at the moment but Regulus is learning how things are done there. He has a desk now and meeting with agents about deadlines and all that. He's not much hooked on the publishing process so for now Regulus is only trading emails here and there. 

He already has his new project, the new book from Amelia Bones, a contemporary author who exploded two years ago after publishing a gut-wrenching family drama book. Her new book is going to be published in a few months and she's already working on the new one. Regulus got the synopsis and got really interested in the plot, something about a family living in a small town with adopted children and the struggles between the family members. It's going to be called Bloodlines, but Regulus isn't supposed to say any of that because he signed a contract and all. 

Amelia's agent, Emmeline Vence, is a shark on the field and half of the people working on Regulus' floor are scared of her, but she's very good at passing information and schedules to Regulus. And to Emma Vanity, his co-worker Regulus is not sure if he likes it or hates it. Emma is also a book editor, one that edited some famous books in the past years, she's not used to working with someone else but nobody wanted to give Regulus the responsibility of editing by himself one of the most anticipated books to be released by the publisher, which is fair since it's his first job. Emma is very good at what she does, but she doesn't have a single gentle bone in her body, she's brutally honest and has a very dark sense of humor with snarky comments. Regulus admires her but he also wants to be on her good side. She also is very strongly opinionated, which might be a problem because Regulus is also very strongly opinionated about books. He's not sure what will come of this collaboration, and from what the gossip in the office says, Emmeline and Emma don't really like each other so Regulus is right in the middle of all this. Lovely. 

He doesn't say half of that to his brother though. 

"Why are you gatekeeping information?" 

"I'm not," he says. "It is fine, there's nothing exciting happening. You know I'm waiting until the end of the week to get my hands on the first chapters of the book, so for now things are fine." Which he told his brother two days ago in the same class. 

They hear a shh in the line in front of them, and Sirius rolls his eyes, like he thinks the silence in a yoga class is stupid, when it's actually the whole point. 

Sirius does stop talking after that, and after thirty minutes the class ends and they can go. Regulus doesn't shower in the gym, ever, so he just grabs his bag to go to the tube. 

"James is passing by to give us a ride," his brother tells him, stopping by his side and drinking half of his water bottle. 

James. As in, the person Regulus vowed to avoid at all costs since he sucked his finger in his kitchen. 

To be honest, it's not that hard to avoid James. They don't have each other's number, Regulus rarely posts anything on Instagram for James to have a reason to send him something and they don't go to the same places. Regulus barely thinks about him, not in the sense that he never does but in the sense that, if Regulus' mind it's not wandering through the forbidden, horny land, Regulus doesn't waste his time thinking about him. It's easy like this, it's normal. So the idea of getting in a car with James while he's looking like a street rat and is sweaty is not appealing to Regulus.

"Why would he do that?" Regulus frowns. 

"He was close by," Sirius shrugs, texting something on his phone. "Sometimes he picks me up because he knows I prefer to walk to the gym." Sirius' place it's thirty minutes from here. 

"My place it's on the other side, I'm going to grab the tube."

"What? No," Sirius shakes his head. "It's not a big deal, Reggie, he can drop you off."

"I don't have a problem with the tube, really," he tries again. Regulus doesn't want to be in a closed car with James again, and he knows he'll drop Sirius off first. Knowing James, he doubts they can stay in silence. 

"You're going with us," he says like it's final. "No need to grab the tube. He's already arriving."

"Sirius—"

"Oh, by the way, what are you doing on Sunday?" He asks, cutting him off. 

"Sunday?" He frowns. "Nothing."

"Have you been out at all since you moved out?"

"Yes," he blinks. "Alone. In nice places. Why?"

"Why don't you have lunch with us at the Potters this Sunday?" There it is again, his brother pitying him.

"No way, Sirius."

"What? Why?!"

"It's a family thing, I'm not going to show up," he shakes his head. Sirius was always part of the Potters, he knows for a fact that he considers Euphemia more his mom than Walburga ever was. Sirius has been on Brazil trips with him, he fucking knows James' grandma for fucks sake. Regulus just never fit there, not like family. He's fond of Effie and Monty because how could he not? They were always so nice and welcoming to him, but showing up at family lunch it's just too much. And with James in the vacancy? Fucking no. 

"It's not," he rebukes. "Everyone is going and Effie likes the house crowded with people. Come on, you don't have anything to do, you can go to my place afterward and we can watch something."

"No."

"Come on, Reggie, don't be like that."

He wants to tell Sirius that they're his friends. His family. And Regulus can coexist with that but was never a part of them. At some point in his life, he wanted to. He wanted so badly he would cry about it. Sirius' friends were just so cool, so nice and so old. He envied how Effie doted on Sirius so naturally and how Monty gave him his first motorbike when he turned eighteen. Regulus was always envying his brother when he was younger, but he eventually grew up. He got his own friends who were cool and nice, he got Alphard who though never was a parent, gave Regulus everything he needed and taught him how to make his first drink and gave him a flat. 

He likes Sirius' friends, completely adores Effie and Monty even if it has been ages since he last saw them, but it's Sirius' life and not Regulus'. He doesn't want to start meddling in Sirius' personal things just because he's back.

Regulus doesn't know how to tell this to Sirius without sounding like an ungrateful brat. 

"I'm fine on my own," he tells him. "You know that, right? I don't need to borrow your friends and family."

"You are my family."

"I know, but I'm not your family like they're," he says weakly. He never doubted his brother's love for him, but the Potters and even the Lupins are the family Sirius chose, and they never chose Regulus as well. "And it's okay, I'm fine with it, but you don't need to keep inviting me like I'm still a lonely kid who needs your attention." 

"That's not—" Sirius makes a frustrated face, like he has no idea how to communicate feelings with Regulus. Which to be fair, they never did. It was always Regulus sharing his sorrows for Sirius and Sirius consoling him, but Sirius never trusted Regulus with his shit, because again, he was six years younger. He got used to sharing things with James, with Remus, with his other friends, and Regulus never made the cut to that. He's the baby brother, Sirius' problems are not made for him. "Just think about it, okay? Effie misses you and has been asking about you all the time, Monty too. And you won't be intruding, you never did."

He has a hard time believing in this. 

"Okay," it's all he can say. 

Sirius nods, checking his phone again. "James is here."

"I—"

"You're not taking the tube," Sirius cuts him off, again. "You know James, he won't mind. Now, come on."

Regulus hates it when Sirius does not give up on things. But he also hates that he doesn't have a good excuse for why he's so adamant about refusing a ride in an expensive car. He can't tell the truth to Sirius, because telling his brother that Regulus doesn't want James' ride because every time James is close he thinks about riding him seems like a very bad idea. So he follows his brother. 

When he sees James' car parked in front of the gym, he feels his body getting warmer just by the stupid anticipation of seeing him. Last time things ended up with so much tension between them that when Regulus got home he was wet, and they didn't do anything. He doesn't know how this is possible, how just standing by James' side after sucking his finger would have caused such a reaction in Regulus. He humped on people's thighs and got less wet than that. It's bad. Really, really bad. 

Regulus stops when Sirius enters the car, kissing James' cheek and buckling the seatbelt. He's not sure if he wants to do this with himself. 

He stops by the car window and looks at James. He's wearing a black button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up and veins jumping while he holds the wheel. Maybe Regulus will go home walking. 

"You don't need to give me a ride too, I can grab the tube," Regulus ends up saying. Sirius lets out a sigh, like Regulus is being difficult on purpose and maybe he is. "I live on the other side of the city."

"I have time on my hands," James says easily. "Get in, Reg, I'm not letting you grab the tube if I can drive you off."

Sirius looks at him as if saying see?! 

He recognizes a losing battle when he sees one, so he just takes a deep breath and gets in the back seat. 

"So how was yoga?" James asks, all nice and easygoing. 

"Torture," Regulus replies. 

"It wasn't that bad," Sirius says. 

"Sirius doesn't know how to shut up and we got the stinky eye from housewives," he tells James. "Yoga is boring, I wanted to do pilates but Sirius said no."

"Pilates it's brutal," he says. "You would've given up after the first week."

"I would have a killer body, no pain, no gain and all that," Regulus hums.

"You already have a killer body, Reg," Sirius tells him easily. He supposes he has. 

"So why are we doing yoga?" 

"To keep ourselves calm."

Regulus laughs. "I have anxiety, Sirius, I don't think yoga will change that." 

"Fine, so to get stretched and flexible?" 

"Oh, I'm stretched and flexible alright," he says in a suggestive tone, making James let out a choked noise that sounds like laughter. 

"Regulus," Sirius utters, trying to be stern, but he ends up smiling. 

"Tell my brother we should do pilates, James," Regulus says. "Don't you think I could improve my ass?" 

"Why are you asking James about your ass?" Sirius sounds disgusted. Only if he knew…. 

"I'm just wanting opinions," he says innocently. "James could offer some, since there's no one else here. What do you think, James?" 

"I think you want to give your brother an aneurysm," he replies easily. 

"He does," Sirius nods. "He's the worst, Prongs."

"The worst," James agrees, very seriously, but with a hint of amusement somewhere, like he knows how Regulus can be the worst. 

"You're the worst," Regulus says to Sirius. "You're making me do exercise. Why couldn't you be like a normal brother and take me to drink margaritas or something?" 

"I'm trying to be healthy and make you be healthy," Sirius replies. "Yoga it's good, exercise it's good."

"Sex it's enough exercise for me," he says, though it's been months since the last time he got laid. Maybe that's why Regulus is so shaken up by James. 

"It's not," Sirius rebukes. "Plus, I know for a fact you're not getting any."

"How do you know that?" He challenges him.

"You spend all of your days in your flat, Regulus."

"I could be having an orgy on my flat, Sirius," he says. "Have you ever thought about that?"

"You're not having an orgy," he says like he can't believe Regulus could ever. 

"But I could."

"But you're not."

"If I start fucking around will you drop out the yoga?" He wonders.

"You're not going to start fucking around."

"Why is that?" He grins at his brother, though Sirius is not staring at him. "It's healthy to have sex, Sirius. You have it all the time, it's not a big deal."

"With my husband."

"Oh, should I get married, then? I should start looking," he hums. "Hey, James, are you up to it?"

"Stop, Regulus," Sirius groans. 

"Stop talking like a conservative prick, then," he laughs. 

"Can we not talk about your sex life with James in the car?" 

"Oh, don't mind me," James says amused. "Pretend I'm not here."

"That's because he's interested in my sex life," Regulus tells Sirius, though it sounds like he's joking. "It's a very interesting topic indeed." 

"Is it?" James asks. Regulus is smirking. 

"Oh, yeah," he replies. "What—"

"Enough," Sirius says loudly. "You're not saying a thing about it, and you're not supposed to indulge him," he tells James. "He's like a gremlin, ignore him."

"You're such a killjoy," he complains. 

"No sex talks with my best friend, Regulus," he repeats, little does he know Regulus already talked about sex with James. "He has known you since you were twelve, it's just weird."

Regulus winces, hating what Sirius just said. Deep down, Regulus knows that even if James doesn't care about the age gap between them, Sirius still sees Regulus like a baby he needs to keep away from the grown-ups. For his brother, it doesn't matter that Regulus is an adult because he'll always be younger no matter how old he is. It sucks, but Regulus can't see a way out of this besides fucking nasty to James and showing his brother that other people are definitely not seeing him as Sirius hoped they were. 

Before he can say something about it, or before he can try to gauge James' reaction, Sirius is talking again. 

"By the way, Prongs, can you please tell Regulus that he should come to lunch on Sunday?" 

"Sirius," Regulus groans. 

"No, he's right," James says, suddenly seeming on board with the idea. "My parents can't stop talking about you, please go, you know mom would love that."

"It's a family thing."

"It's barely that," he snorts. "Seriously, Reg, everyone goes. It's not a Potter thing, Marlene and Mary will probably be there as well as Lily and Dorcas, plus Frank and Alice."

"Who?" 

"Frank is the current COO of the company," he tells him. "Alice is his wife and they have a kid, Neville. He's Harry's friend."

"See?" Sirius tells him, turning his head to look at Regulus with pleading eyes. "Can you stop refusing now?"

"Why did you refuse?" James asks, curious. 

Regulus rolls his eyes, wanting to get out of the conversation because he's not about to tell James in front of Sirius his thoughts about it. 

"He thinks I'm landing my friends to him," Sirius' tone implies: can you believe that? 

"I can confirm for a fact that everyone will be happy to have you," James tells him. "Mom will definitely make you a cuscuz if you go." 

When Regulus was younger and Sirius got him out of the house on weekends, Regulus would spend a lot of time at the Potters' house. Watching football with them on sundays, washing the dishes after lunch and drinking coffee in the afternoon because according to Effie it was the " Brazilian way." She would cook Regulus a food called cuscuz, which is basically flocked corn steamed with a lot of butter and Regulus loved it. Effie made it for him every time he visited with Sirius. 

"Don't try to convince me with your mom's food," he says. Effie's food it's just the best. 

"I got to work with what I have," James says. He can see him smiling from the rearview mirror. "So, are you going?"

Regulus wants to say no, but when Sirius combines his strength with James, it's impossible to say no to them. Plus, he'll need to think in his whys, and avoiding James doesn't seem like a plausible reason anymore.

"I'll think about it," he ends up saying. 

"Great!" Sirius says excited, like Regulus already agreed. At the same time, James parks in front of Sirius and Remus' house, a two-story little house with two bedrooms and a nice spacious living room. Sirius gives James another kiss on the cheek, taking the seat belt off. "Thanks for the ride, Prongs. Show up on Sunday, yeah?" He says to Regulus this time, opening the door. "Love you!" He makes a loud kissing noise, closing the door and running to his house. 

"Love you back," James screams before he closes the door of the house. 

Once Sirius is inside, Regulus goes to sit in the passenger seat, bypassing between the front seats and struggling a bit to get there, touching James in the process. When he finally sits, James doesn't waste a second before saying: 

"You're avoiding me."

Regulus turns his head to look at him. "How exactly am I doing that?" 

"You just are, plus you were trying to get the tube instead of getting in the car with me."

"That's just because I'd get to my place sooner," he lies. "And I'm not avoiding you," he lies again. "You don't have my number, we never talked like buddies and we don't frequent the same places. How was I avoiding you?"

"Sirius invited you to trivia night last week."

He said no, naturally. 

"Sirius is always inviting me to something," he says nonchalantly. "Can you drive now? Sirius will be getting out to see why you didn't yet." 

James starts the car again, driving for five seconds before he starts talking again. "What was that about, anyway? You saying it was a family thing? You went to a lot of lunches on Sunday." 

"Can we drop it?" 

"No," he refuses. "Tell me." 

"Sirius thinks I'm lonely and miserable," he tells him. "So he wants to make me go to every little gathering with you guys. He's worried I'll isolate myself, die alone in my flat and have my face eaten by my cat."

"You have a cat?" He asks, like this was the most relevant thing Regulus shared. 

"I adopted one last week, a very cute dark fur ball called Nix." Regulus always wanted a cat, and now that he lives alone, he got one. His group chat it's being spawned with Nix's photos. 

"Like Phoenix?"

"Like the goddess that's the personification of night," he replies, feeling like a nerd. "It also means darkness." 

"How emo of you," he says with a smile. "So why did you really refuse?" 

"Come on, James," he groans. "He's doing the same thing he did when I was a kid. He thinks I'm lonely and tries to fix it by making me tag along everywhere he goes. It was cute when I was twelve, but now it's just humiliating."

James pauses, like he's trying to think of a better way to reply to this. 

"Regulus," he says slowly, "We kind of like your company."

"Yes, but it's not like you want me there," he rebukes. "It's just Sirius pushing my presence into your throats and you smiling about it, just like he did years ago." 

"Maybe years ago that could be true," he doesn't deny. "But not now. You had a good time at my house, didn't you? And everyone loved you there. It's different now." 

"That might be true, but it doesn't change the fact that it's Sirius who's inviting me," he says. "You probably don't want me tagging along everywhere you go. I'm just the little brother who needs company for him. Again." 

"I just told you to go," he points out. 

"Because Sirius invited me first."

"What about the last time? I invited you," he reminds him. Which it's true, but Regulus has no idea if it was an honest invitation or not. 

"Are you telling me Sirius didn't tell you to invite me at all?" He squints his eyes at James, now staring at the side of his face to catch his lie. 

"He didn't." He doesn't look like he's lying. 

"You also don't count," he decides. "You invited me because you wanted to see me in short shorts. You're like a pig, I can't trust your judgment, Potter."

James laughs at this, a rich and nice sound that makes Regulus' stomach flutter. 

"Though the view was quite nice—"

"So you were checking me out."

"—I invited you because I thought you would like to see known faces. Plus, I wanted to talk to you, know you better and—"

"Become my friend," he completes for him. 

"Is it so hard for you to believe that we liked your company? Everyone wants to be friends with you now, even Harry. And even if you don't believe in me, no one is thinking about you like you're still a kid." 

"Lucky me," he mutters, feeling oddly reassured by James' words. 

"So, are you going?"

"I said I was going to think about it," he reminds him. "But I guess seeing your parents is better than staying home watching Sex and the city. Is your father still hot?" 

"He's too old for you," he deadpans. 

"I like older men," he says cheekily. "Plus, there's no harm in looking." 

James shakes his head, a little amused. "You like Sex and the city? I thought you were supposed to be pretentious." 

"Oh, I am," he confirms. "I'm pretentious about everything. Music, books, films, art. I have better taste than anyone in the world, but secretly, being pretentious it's very tiresome. Sometimes, I just want something silly and stupid to stop thinking, and Carrie being a bitch it's very relaxing." Regulus knows he gives the vibe of a very arrogant, pretentious and mean person and he can be all the three above, he also can look like a depressed sad boy with an anxiety problem, which he also can be, but sometimes Regulus just wants to be silly. Flirt for fun, watch stupid tv shows and read horrible but entertaining books. Regulus is nothing without his guilty pleasures, and he learned that he doesn't need to be just one person, so he can have many faces if it suits him. The real Regulus is very locked under keys. 

"Plus, it reminds me of my friends, we used to watch it every month and every time Carrie talked about Big we drank a shot," he adds. He misses his friends. 

"Doesn't she become his lover or something?" James asks. 

"Yeah," he nods. "She cheats on the nicer guy with him and ruins Big's wedding."

"Jesus." 

"Exactly."

"So you're pretentious but you like stupid things as well."

"It's called guilty pleasure," he says. "I have some of them, it keeps me sane. What's yours?" 

"My guilty pleasures?" Regulus nods, though he doesn't think James sees from the corner of his eyes. "Bad movies."

"Define bad."

"Like, shark movies," he answers. "Or very stupid ones with gore and awful script. It keeps me entertained." 

"Like Terrifier."

"Exactly!" He exclaims. 

"That was really bad," he snorts. 

"Hey, no judgment."

"None made," he promises him. 

"I think you're wrong, by the way," he says suddenly. 

"About what?" He frowns. 

"Sirius," he clarifies. "I think you're wrong about him inviting you to things because he thinks you're lonely and wants to fix it."

"Why?" He asks weakly. 

"He always wanted you around," he tells him. "He was always talking about how he would take you here and there when you were old enough, and then you were moving to France and he lost it all. Now that you're here, he wants to experience things with you and he wants you to be friends with his friends because he likes you around. I don't think he sees you as a kid, Reg. I think he's just bad at copying with the fact that you grew up without him. He lost a huge part of your life and got you back after you're already an adult." 

"But—" He blinks, confused. "No, James. He's still trying to treat me like he did before."

"He's really not," he says. "He's protective, yes, but he invites you to things because he wants to be in your life. He wants to have fun with you, and he doesn't know how he's supposed to do that because you changed and it's only knocking on his door now that you're back." 

Is this possible? That Sirius just sucks at translating his feelings and Regulus got all wrong? That Sirius actually wants Regulus around because now they can do the same things and Regulus can be friends with his friends for real? That Sirius is not thinking of him like he still is twelve but struggling with how to deal with the fact that Regulus is an adult and Sirius was in London without knowing how that happened? 

"He thinks I'm too young."

"It's quite the opposite," he says kindly. "He knows you're too old and he hates it because it means he lost too much. You said it yourself, there's a lot Sirius doesn't know about France and Sirius knows this as well." 

"Had he said something to you?" He asks. 

"I'm not sharing Sirius' secrets with you," he smiles at him, not unkindly. "But you should start seeing things differently. Sirius has not stopped in the past, you have to know that."

"I—" he pauses. "Maybe you're right."

"Maybe," he says amusedly. "Will you stop avoiding me too?" He asks. 

Regulus opens his mouth to defend himself, but he'd rather die than admit that he's so bad at self-restraining that avoiding James was the best idea he could have. 

Once upon a time, Regulus knew nothing but restraint. He couldn't eat everything he wanted because his mom would comment about it. He couldn't do what he wanted because his mom wouldn't approve of it. He couldn't make loud noises, couldn't fight back when his mom was being mean, couldn't tell his father he was a disgusting piece of shit, couldn't be himself. Couldn't. Couldn't. Couldn't. 

Until he moved to France and learned what freedom felt like and Regulus couldn't stop himself from going after the things he wanted, good or bad. 

It was like an instant swift in his brain. Regulus realized he was in another country, that now he could do anything he wanted, be anyone he aspired to be, and he made this fact a part of his life. 

Even if Regulus is still traumatized for a lifetime, he stopped restraining himself maybe a little too much. And James drawing a line in the sand for both of them feels like restraint for Regulus. 

"I wasn't," he lies, because who is Regulus Black without his lies? No one. "Why would I?" 

"You tell me," James challenges him. 

Did you know I couldn't stop thinking about your finger in my mouth? Regulus thinks. Did you know I was slick and wet for you? That I dreamt about you, your voice, your hands on my body and your mouth against mine? That when I close my eyes and think about the tension between us, my body starts pulsating in desire for you? 

Did you? Did you? Did you? 

"I can't," he ends up saying, because James knowing or not wouldn't change a thing. "Because I wasn't."

"So are you going?" 

"You know, Potter," he says slowly. "It's like you're obsessed with me or something." 

"How did you figure it out?" He replies easily. 

"You can't stop wanting me around," he hums. "Obsessive behavior, I would say." 

James smirks only for himself to understand, and Regulus likes it, it reminds him of how James used to be when he was younger. 

He was always smirking and being cocky, he knew Regulus was a lovesick puppy for him and he found it funny. Regulus didn't realize that back then, of course, it was a realization that came much later, and James was never an asshole about it, but he was very amused by it and he felt cocky about the knowledge. Always smirking at Regulus, making him blush by paying him attention and messing his hair. James was a stupid, arrogant boy, though very kind and attentive to the ones who mattered, but having a kid made him change. It could be that he's almost thirty and that type of behavior it's long gone by now. James can tease and all, but he's not the reckless, cocky person from before. The same way Regulus is not a blushing idiot. 

"This is your street, right?" He asks instead of replying.

"Yeah," he confirms. "Wanna come up?"

"And do what?" James asks, full of innuendos. 

"Meet my pussy," he says innocently. "I mean, my cat, obviously."

"Obviously," he repeats in a mutter, lips turning up. "Another time." 

"Fine," he sighs, taking the seat belt off when James parks in front of his building. "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem." Regulus nods, getting out of the car. "Regulus."

He pauses, bending and resting his arms on the open window. "Yes?" 

"I'll see you on Sunday."

"I'm still thinking about it," he smiles at him. 

"For what it matters, I would like it if you could go," he tells him honestly.

"I would only be going for your parents and Harry," he says teasingly. 

"Whatever you say to yourself," he smiles back at him. "And I don't think you need it."

"Need what?"

"To improve your ass." 

Regulus feels his body getting hot like he's coming back from the dead. 

"Like my ass, don't you, Potter?" 

"Get inside your flat, Regulus," he tells him, shaking his head with amusement. 

"Bye, James," he laughs. 

"Bye."

Regulus turns around, and because he knows James is watching and he's a little shit he sways his hips while he walks, all seduction and allure. He's so happy he put on lower sweatpants and a crop top today. When he turns around after opening the door of his building, James is watching him attentively with heat in his eyes, and Regulus smiles. 

He was never good at behaving anyway. 

When he thinks about the Potter's house, Regulus thinks about the good days.

He wasn't often around, but every time Regulus came here, it was always nice and welcoming. It was between the Potters that Regulus learned how a family should be. He saw the love Monty had for Effie, the inside jokes they shared with James and the particularities of a real family working together. It was nothing like his own house, where his mother avoided his father constantly and his father arrived drunk at seven in the morning while Regulus was having breakfast. Where Walburga screamed at Regulus in the morning but then cried to him in the night about how God was punishing her again and again. Where Regulus saw his father snorting cocaine in his study and called bonding time. 

The Potters were a real family, nothing like the Blacks, and Regulus could never judge Sirius for wanting to be part of them. 

He was never like Sirius for them, Regulus was never one of them like his brother was, but he was always welcome at their house and treated kindly. Effie has a big heart and Monty was always this silly, gentle and warm father who gives you pats on the back and life advice. Regulus always loved them and their kindness, so he feels good about visiting them again.

It's weird, but even if Regulus was never a part of them, he never felt like an outsider or intruder between the Potters. They're just so welcoming that you never feel left out in their presence, the reason why Regulus always liked being here.

Effie and Monty live in a two-story big house, with white bricks and big windows. There are flowers in the front yard that Regulus knows Effie takes care of dearly, and just by the familiar sight Regulus feels his heart easing.  

Remus and Sirius are walking in front of him, and when the door opens it's with a happy smile from Effie.

Euphemia Potter is a very beautiful woman, with light brown skin, dark hair with white strands at shoulder's length and big brown eyes like James'. She has wrinkles around her eyes because she's always smiling or laughing and she has freckles on her nose. Even if she's older now, Effie always seems spirituous and young at heart. She's one of the kindest people Regulus ever met. 

She hugs Sirius and Remus, kissing their cheeks and urging them inside, then her eyes stop at Regulus and her smile gets wider, if that's possible. 

"Regulus, dear," she says delightedly, a hint of accent in her voice that she refuses to lose. "Come here, let me look at you."

"Hi, Effie," he smiles at her, letting her grab his face between her hands gently. 

"Oh, honey, you're so beautiful," she tells him. "I missed having you around."

"Now I'm just a few minutes away," he promises her.

Effie laughs, dropping her hands and kissing his cheek as a greeting. "Yes, you are." She hugs him, and Regulus hugs her back because Effie's hugs are the best. "Come on in, you're part of us so don't get shy on me." 

"Of course," he says amusedly. 

The inside of their house it's warm and cozy, with photos and paintings all over the place and voices echoing through the halls. And plants. So many plants. It's much like Regulus remembers, and though years passed it still feels like the same place from before. 

Effie takes him straight to the kitchen where everyone is, talking and helping, drinking and laughing. It's chaos, but Regulus knows that Effie loves it when her house is full of people. 

"Look what the wind brought us, Monty," she says loudly, making Monty turn around. 

Monty is James if he was older, basically. James has his mom's eyes and smile, but the rest of him is all Monty. His skin is a few shades darker than Effie's and his eyes a little lighter, his hair it's dark with white strands and it's a mess much like James', and his glasses make him look like the professor type.

Regulus remembers how he looked up to him, because he was so different from his own father. Monty was just good, he was soft and funny, he answered Regulus' question with patience and taught him how to play truco, a card game popular in Brazil that Monty and James were really good at. 

Regulus wanted a father like him, so he always looked at Monty with some childish awe and respect. 

"Regulus," he greets him warmly. 

"Hi, Monty," he smiles at him, accepting his hug that engulfs Regulus entirely. Monty is tall, much like James and Effie are, but Effie is about Regulus' size, and he feels protected somehow. 

"Isn't he looking so beautiful, querido?" She asks Monty. 

"Yes, a beautiful boy," he teases him. "Bet you're breaking hearts, huh?" 

"I wish," Regulus mutters with cheeks a bit flushed. 

"Hi, Reggie!" Harry greets him, making Regulus look down to see him staring at Regulus with big green eyes. He has a spiderman band-aid on his chin. 

"Hi, Harry," he smiles. "What happened to your chin?" He points out to the band-aid.

"Fell at football practice," he shrugs. "But I'm good! It didn't hurt at all." He's saying as though he's so brave for that. 

"How brave of you," he messes his hair, not knowing if he can do that or not. But Harry doesn't care, probably used to people doing that to him. He just beams and darts off, running to the living room while Lily screams No running, Harry.

"So he already likes you," Effie notices, eyes fond when she thinks about Harry.

"Doesn't he like everyone?" He wonders. 

"Yes, that he does," Monty laughs. "He's like his grandma." 

"He's like a little mayor," Lily comments, hip resting against the countertop with a pint in her hand. "He did not gain that from me."

"He's a charmer, what can I say?" Effie smiles. "James was the same."

"Where is James, by the way?" Sirius asks, opening the fridge to grab his own beer. 

"Football," Effie answers, shaking her head. "With Frank, I think." 

"James has been playing footie every Sunday," Monty explains to Regulus. "He'll be here in a minute."

"All sweaty and gross," Dorcas adds as if the idea disgusts her. Not Regulus though, the idea of James sweaty does things to him. 

"All men are gross to you," Remus tells her with amusement, sitting by her side at the small circled table in the kitchen. 

"You have a good point," she smirks. 

"Do you want something to drink, Regulus?" Effie asks him, going back to her pans. It smells amazing here. 

"I can grab it myself, Effie, thanks." He doesn't need to, because Sirius is already offering him a pint. 

Harry runs back to the kitchen with a box of legos, giving it to Dorcas and sitting on her lap. She looks at him with an arched eyebrow, but Harry just smiles at her. 

"Please?" He asks. 

"We're cleaning this after, okay?" 

"Okay," he nods. 

Regulus wonders how is the relationship between Dorcas and Harry. If he treats her like one more aunt or if he sees her as a mother figure as well. According to them, Lily and Dorcas have been together since Harry was four, but he's not sure about their dynamic. Harry looks up to her, that much it's clear, and he also lives with her and Lily when he's not in James' place. 

They're so many dynamics involving Harry and the others. Sirius is the godfather who's always agreeing to play with him no matter what. Remus is the calm adult, the one Harry goes to show him books, play board games and be quiet. Mary is the fun godmother, showing him dance steps and telling him jokes and Marlene the cool aunt who plays football with him and sneaks him dessert. It's like even if young, Harry knows where each one of them fits in his life. 

Dorcas opens the box and starts building legos with Harry, while Remus helps once in a while, and he didn't see Harry quiet like this the last time. 

The conversation in the kitchen flows quickly, and Effie and Monty can't stop asking questions to Regulus, while Sirius comments about his answers and Lily shows interest in the publishing system. They ask Sirius about his collection and Lily about her new case. Harry occasionally gets bored of the Lego and leaves Dorcas and Remus with the hard work to go do something else or tell them random things, like how cool football practice was and what he's learning in school, about all of his friends and teacher and this new toy his vovô bought him. He's such a perfect mix of James and Lily is surreal, he's talkative, bright and energetic, but he's also very smart and witty. Regulus can understand why all of them love him deeply. 

At some point, Mary arrives with Marlene in tow, greeting Monty and Effie in rapid portuguese and calling them tio e tia. Once James explained to him that tio e tia means uncle and aunt, and in Brazil it's common to call the parents of your friends that. But he thinks Mary really views Effie and Monty as her family, so it makes sense. The three of them start a whole conversation in Portuguese, and though he doesn't understand a single word, he likes to watch them express themselves in another language, how they gesticulate and talk with their expressions. 

With the Portuguese conversation happening, the rest of them start their own conversation, the voices clashing in the kitchen. To Regulus' surprise, Harry also knows how to speak Portuguese, and it makes sense because knowing his grandparents and dad there's no way Harry didn't grow up knowing everything about Brazil, but he didn't hear him talking in Portuguese before so it's a surprise. 

At some point, James arrives with a couple and a kid behind him. 

True to Dorcas' words, James is all sweaty. His compression shirt glues to his toned body and his thighs are showing in his satin shorts, his dark hair is sticking to his forehead and Regulus kind of wants to lick the column of his throat and taste his sweat. He can almost hear Barty calling him a freak. 

Having indecent thoughts about James in his parent's house is also not recommended, so Regulus stops his train of thought. 

Harry throws himself at James the second he sees him, being thrown up in the air while James grins at him. 

"Did you score lots of goals?"

"Two," he tells him, kissing the top of his head. "But my team won."

"He played very well, buddy," the man tells Harry.

"Hi, Frank!" Harry greets him, now upside down and being held by James. He's grinning so big it's scary. "Where's Nev?" 

"Right here," the woman tells him, holding a boy's hand. He looks shy and overwhelmed by the amount of people surrounding him. Regulus gets it, he was like this once. "Say hi, baby."

"Hi," the boy mumbles to them, hiding behind his mom's leg. 

"Why don't you go build Legos with Neville in the living room, Haz?" Lily asks him. 

James puts Harry on the ground again, and he goes to Neville, grabbing his hand to show him what Dorcas and Remus were building, bringing with them to the living room. 

"Everyone is here already?" James asks, looking around and then noticing Regulus, in the corner of the kitchen watching everyone. "You came." 

"Told you I was going to think about it," he smirks. 

James looks at him up and down with too much interest, his eyes stopping at Regulus' naked skin showing from his baby tee, molding his waist perfectly.

He catches himself staring and stops, blinking and then gesticulating to the strangers Regulus doesn't know. 

"This is Frank and Alice," he introduces them. 

Alice has freckles and blue eyes, short and curly dark hair and a gentle smile. Frank is an asian man, who's very tall and handsome. They're probably married if their wedding bands say something. 

"I'm Regulus, Sirius' brother," he says to them. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too," Alice smiles at him. 

Then they start all talking again, giving Regulus a slight headache. Effie tells James to go take a shower, and Regulus finds himself in a conversation with Lily and Remus, the ones who are less loud in the bunch. 

It's not that Regulus completely hates loud environments, his friends themselves are very loud, but he's not the number one fan of crowded places and people talking loudly at the same time. Regulus likes environments he can control. 

When it's time to eat, it's a whole chaos and the table in the dining room is quickly filled with people. Even if he doesn't like it, Regulus doesn't necessarily hate it either. 

In his family, this type of familiarity and noises weren't allowed, he had a big family, with three cousins and their husbands, though Andromeda disappeared in Italy at some point, his grandparents on his mom's side were alive until he was eleven so they're there too, but the family reunions were never this animated. It was silent and uncomfortable, unless they were fighting, which could be extremely mean and violent. Once Bellatrix threw a fucking glass in Narcissa's husband's direction, and in another, his mom slapped aunt Druella around calling her a cunt because she was sure she was sleeping with Regulus' dad. Regulus' family was crazy, but the bad type of crazy, and to sit at the Potter's table no matter how chaotic it's far better than that. 

When they finish lunch, Sirius and Remus take the dishes task, and Frank and Alice leave with Neville, claiming they need to be at a birthday party in the afternoon and they just wanted to catch up with Monty and Effie. Frank works with Monty, since he hasn't retired yet, but he treats Frank like a family friend rather than an employee. 

When Effie starts making coffee, it's when the most important part of the Potters' household starts: Football time. 

What Regulus knows about football is very limited, which is that they need to run after a ball and score. He knows that the three Potters are football fans, for Manchester City, specifically, and also a Brazilian football club. Mary also likes to watch but she's not a crazy fan of any British team, Marlene is a Liverpool fan apparently and Lily only bothers with Real Madrid games. The rest of them don't care about football at all, but they would never suggest not watching if they want to keep their heads.

It's tradition to them, and Regulus respects traditions. 

Harry also likes football, it seems, but he's seven so he doesn't really care about the game after fifteen minutes. 

It's quite fascinating to watch all of them at this specific moment. You have James, Monty, Effie and Marlene watching the game with attention, letting out curses and grunts once in a while. You have Sirius napping on Remus' lap completely oblivious to the football chaos surrounding him, and Remus reading something in his kindle caressing Sirius' hair, also not caring about the noise. You have Mary and Lily drinking their coffees and minding their business on their phones, sometimes looking up to watch an important pass of the game but not really paying attention. And you have Dorcas building Legos with Harry on the floor, where Regulus also ends up because he's really not interested in sports. 

It all works surprisingly well, and Regulus feels again the fluttering of belonging right now. Not because he is a part of them but because they're good at making you feel like you are. 

When he was younger, he always had the faintest feeling that he was only there because Sirius shoved him there. Not that he felt bad about being between them but he felt a little alien nonetheless. But not now. Now Regulus kind of feels good about being here. Building Legos and hearing James and his parents commenting on the game while Marlene teases their team. With his brother somewhere near him and Harry being cute and funny while Dorcas helps him. 

When the game eventually ends, Sirius is awake again and Harry is asleep with his head on Lily's lap. It's already late, so they start saying their goodbyes instead of staying for dinner. James drives Dorcas, Lily and Harry to Lily's place, since they live in James' street, and Marlene and Mary leave for their flat. 

James says he's going to Sirius' place after he drops the girls and Harry off, because apparently his brother invited him to their movie night. If Sirius knew how much Regulus needs James away, he wouldn't do such a thing. 

Ignoring James was almost easy with the amount of people in the house. Regulus stared for a bit too long at James with Harry, how he paid attention to him and made him laugh. He also ogled James as a person a bit too much, but it's quite impossible not to when James is just being James. Regulus was used to staring at him since he was twelve, so really, no one can judge him for watching James' arm's muscles tensing, the veins on his forearm and his fingers. A finger that was in Regulus' mouth. He never had a thing for hands, but now he's obsessed with James' hands. 

He wants his hands holding his waist, slapping his ass, closing against his neck and inside of him. He's so happy no one in the room can read his thoughts because they were going to be horrified really quickly. 

It's getting out of hand, these stupid thoughts, and Regulus decides that he needs to get laid. He's just horny, once he gets over with it everything will be fine again and James will be a very small noise in his brain. 

Sirius' house is a very cozy and homey place, it's not big but it's perfect for them, a mix of Sirius and Remus into a place they made their home. In their house, it's also where a very big, black and cute Gerard Shepherd lives. At this point, Regulus likes to spend more time with their dog than with his brother. 

"Oh, hello, baby," he coos at the big dog, losing his balance a bit when Vega jumps on him. "Good girl." 

"He doesn't treat us with the same fondness," Sirius comments. 

"You're not this cute, Sirius," Regulus tells him, scratching behind Vega's ear and getting licked because of it. 

"I'm going to take a bath," Remus says, watching them with amusement. 

"I'm going with you," Sirius promptly says.

"Gross," Regulus lets them know. 

"I'm saving the planet's water, Reggie!" Sirius explains. "If James arrives, let him in." 

"No, I'm letting him on the street," he deadpans, kissing Vega's head because she's just so cute. 

"Yeah, I believe in you," Remus says, but his voice is totally making Regulus' head beep in alarm. 

He looks at his brother-in-law with squinted eyes, and Remus only looks at him easily, blinking like he's a saint. 

Regulus doesn't comment on it, especially not in front of Sirius but Remus is on his radar now. Everyone knowing he had a crush on James when he was twelve was already too embarrassing, if people start noticing that Regulus is horny for him now, ten years later, he'll have to kill himself from embarrassment. 

"Go shower already," he grunts, letting Vega go while he walks to the living room. 

Regulus throws himself on the burgundy sofa, hearing the fainting noise of his brother's voice going upstairs, and he checks on his friends while Vega lays by his feet. Nothing is really happening other than Barty sending a video of Evan sleeping with the caption "I'm going to eat his bones", Pandora telling her horoscope it's a disaster and that Xeno started to cry because of the end of the URSS, to which Barty said: my babushka never got over that.

Regulus sends them a photo of Vega by his feet to explain where he is, then he types, I'm downloading Grindr again. 

why? Barty sends. 

need to get laid, he explains. 

you're daydreaming about fucking daddy potter, aren't you? 

yes. 

you need to fight these demons reg! Pandora says. 

I'm trying so hard you have no idea. 

you're trying to get another hard thing, Barty texts, and then spans the group chat with tons of eggplant's emoji. He's so annoying.

kys

suck my dick reg, plus a blowing kiss emoji.

stop offering your dick to people, baby, Evan texts. 

it's not people, it's reg 

a demon, Pandora says. 

exactly, Barty agrees with a lot of laughing emojis. 

KYS, he sends again.

A succubus, Evan texts. Or incubus. Idk the difference

It's the gender, Barty explains. 

What if it's nb? Then what? Demons should be more inclusive </3, Pandora says with tons of sad, crying emojis. 

you're so stupid, Regulus sends rolling eyes emojis. fingers crossed I'll find a hot grindr date

In England? Bet, Evan says. 

just buy a fucking vibrator reg, Barty tells him. 

vibrators can't slap my pussy and bite my neck, barty

kinky, he replies with tons of smirking emojis. 

Someone rings the doorbell and Regulus gets up. Need to go, talk to you later.

Before he can see what they answered, he's opening the door for James, who's obviously getting jumped on by Vega the second he's inside. 

"Hello, girl," he smiles at the dog, scratching her black fur enthusiastically. "I missed you too, yes, I did," he tells her. Vega's tail wiggles wildly and Regulus thinks he understands a bit. 

"I'm starting to think you really are obsessed with me, Potter."

"Why is that?" He asks him, not defensive, just laidback. 

"You're here. On a Sunday. You should be at home or something," he replies. 

"Sirius invited me," he shrugs.

"You could've said no."

"But I didn't," he smiles. "It does feel like you don't want my company, Reg. I'm wounded."

"I don't care," he says. 

"So mean," he mouths, but he's grinning like an idiot. "Where's Sirius?"

"Showering with Remus, so I advise staying out of the second floor."

James looks at him for a few seconds, and Regulus realizes they're alone. Not completely, but still alone, and for some reason this does something to him. Like his brain can't stop imagining wild things knowing that James is in the same room as him with no one to be a buffer between them. 

"Smart thing," James agrees. "So how are you?"

Regulus laughs. "Really? We're back to how are you?" He asks. 

"What's wrong with asking people how they are?" He sounds offended. "It's polite, Regulus." 

"I think we're past that, don't you?" He arches an eyebrow. 

"Maybe we are," he agrees. "But I still want to know."

"I'm fine, Potter," he snorts. "How are you?" 

"I'm great!" He smiles at him. "Did you have fun today? Wasn't so bad, was it?"

"I guess it wasn't," he confesses. "I missed your parents."

"They missed you too," he tells him softly. "You believe what I told you now, don't you? That we like your company?"

Yes, Regulus can believe that. Everyone was quite nice about him and he actually had a great time despite the full house. For a long time, Regulus felt like he needed to be someone else to be liked and wanted around. He felt like, by being himself, he would lose people and drive them away. It's different with his friends, of course, but with the rest of the world, Regulus always felt like he was doomed to be a faker. But he doesn't really feel like that around James and Sirius' friends. Regulus can't actually be totally himself, but he doesn't need to pretend to be someone else either, and he can genuinely feel like they want him around. Not out of pity but because they enjoy Regulus' presence. 

"Maybe I do," it's what he answers.

James smiles like he knows that Regulus actually meant yes. 

"So will you hang with us more from now on?" He asks. 

"Maybe." He knows the answer. 

Now that he knows they want him around, he thinks he'll need to reevaluate all his previous conclusions. Regulus doesn't mind going out with Sirius, he actually missed his presence this past few years, so going out with his brother's friends sounds like an okay idea. The problem is that James is often around and the more Regulus has things to think about him, the more he can't stop daydreaming about James. 

"You should go somewhere that's not the door," he suggests. 

James snorts, but quietly agrees, walking to the living room like he knows the whole place blind with Vega following him with tail still wagging. Regulus knows James has been here before a lot of times, and it shows in the way his body is relaxed from being here. Like it's his second home. 

He sits on the sofa, letting Vega lie on his feet just like she did with Regulus when he was the only available option, now she seems quite forgetful about him, the traitor. Regulus sits on James' side at a respectful distance. 

"Harry is in love with you," James tells him with a smile. "Couldn't stop talking about how you're so good at building Legos." 

"I am quite good at building them, but that's just because I know how to properly read the instructions," he says amusedly. "Which Harry ignores." 

"He's seven, he doesn't know why he should bother with instructions," he laughs. 

"I like him," Regulus says, not because he's trying to win James by saying nice things about his kid but because it's the truth. "And I barely like other people, so he's definitely special." 

"He's a charmer," James tells him proudly. "Like his dad."

"I'm not so sure about that," he says dryly.

"You used to think I was charming."

A frozen second passes between them, one that brings back memories from the past, from a time when Regulus thought the definition of charming meant James Potter. One that both of them ignored and didn't mention. Until now. 

Regulus feels oddly exposed. Of course James knew, everyone did, but it's quite embarrassing and exposing to acknowledge that to Regulus. To comment about that time when he was stupid for James and everyone knew it. 

"Can we not?" 

"You don't want to talk about that?" He asks, curious. 

"Not now," maybe never. 

"Why not?" 

"Why do you think, James?" 

They stare at each other in silence and Regulus feels the embarrassment prickling at the back of his nape. He feels vulnerable with the truth hanging between them and feels so stupidly young all over again. Part of him knows they will talk about it sometime, but not now. Not when they just met recently after years and James is finally seeing Regulus other than just Sirius' baby brother. Talking about that will make James remember about the past and Regulus doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be that open yet. 

"Okay," he agrees quietly. Regulus nods as an answer and they close that door once again. For now. "Are you ready to admit you were avoiding me, now?"

Regulus huffs, finding James very annoying and self-absorbed. He makes it sound like Regulus is obsessed with him, like he focuses his entire spare time on avoiding James and thinking about ways to forget about him. Which Regulus does not. 

"Again with that? I think you're getting ahead of yourself, Potter," he says with mild sarcasm. 

"Am I?" 

"Yes," he replies. "Has someone ever told you you're too arrogant?" 

"Not really," he grins. "Please, Regulus, tell me how arrogant you think I am."

"You think everything it's about you when it's not. I don't think about you at all, because I'm not that pathetic little thing who was awestruck with you." He said he wasn't going to talk about it. He did it. But it's just infuriating, how James grins like he thinks Regulus is still that cute kid who couldn't stop thinking about him. 

"Yeah? You don't?" He smirks. 

"No," he says firmly, getting worked up from James' reaction. "I only remember about you when you're around, and mostly because I want to fuck you. " 

Regulus wants to prove to James that he outgrew whatever he ever felt for him. That Regulus is this cold, untouchable person who knows his own power and value. Even if it's a lie, Regulus wants to show James that he doesn't think about him, even if he does. 

"Is that so?" 

"Yes, and you're a fucking arrogant prick if you think I spend my free time thinking about you. I think it's actually the contrary," he says slowly, hotly. 

"You think I spend my nights awake thinking about you, Reg?" He asks, not mockingly but with amusement. 

"I do," he smirks at him. "There's no other reason for you to be so obsessed with me." 

"Who's arrogant now?"

"Still you." 

James stops, his eyes shining when directed at Regulus, he looks like he wants to bend him over the sofa and spank his ass. But James is still James, still noble and a man of word, so he backs away a little and softens, like he's forcing his thoughts to go somewhere else. 

"I never thought you were pathetic," it's what he says. Softly in a way Regulus wasn't expecting. 

"What?" He asks, caught off guard. 

"When you were younger. I never thought you were pathetic, I thought it was cute. You flushed so easily when I paid attention to you, and your cheeks would turn a bright red," his fingers come closer to his cheeks, almost touching but not quite. He feels the heaviness of his touch either way, like James' fingers are burning his skin. "It mostly made me sad."

"Sad?" He frowns, wanting to tilt his head a bit so James' fingertips are hot on his skin for real. 

"You were so lonely that the barely attention I gave to you made your day," he explains. "No one asked you questions besides Sirius, and when I did you were hungry for it." 

Regulus gets mad then. Furious. For James being able to see through him so easily. How it was so quick for Regulus to fall head over heels for him because he was lonely and starved for attention. It was always like this with Regulus, any shred of attention he could get he would devour whiting seconds and worship it, not caring if it was the bare minimum or not because the minimum was already more than he was used to. It was like this with his mom when she hugged him after screaming at him, with his dad when he let Regulus come closer even if it was fucked up. With every man he brought to bed and let them touch him. With James. 

And he hates it. Hates how James got it right and how conceited he's being over this, over Regulus. Like Regulus just pretends to be so complex when in reality James already figured him out. 

Regulus slaps his hand away, feeling like the proximity of James to him it's poisonous. James' eyes get harder under the light, and easily he grabs Regulus' wrist and brings him closer to him, so smoothly that Regulus barely feels it. Their thighs are touching and his pulse speeds, he's not sure if it's from excitement or anger. 

"I'm not a child anymore and I don't need your pity," he says in a quiet snarl. "You're not the savior of my lonely existence and I never needed you. Don't think you're suddenly important because of a stupidity that happened when I was a kid. You're not relevant to me, Potter." 

James could say anything. He could get mad at the way Regulus simply turned his emotions, how quickly he was to snap to protect himself from the truth inside of his existence. He could try to rub at Regulus' face how he's still that kid, but in an updated version who pretends to be better than that one, stronger and in control. He could make Regulus feel very small, but he doesn't. 

Instead, James says: 

"You're pretty when you're mad." And Regulus gets speechless, because it's not a taunting compliment but a thoughtful, soft one. 

Then he gets mad again, because he was trying to start a fight and James said that as if it fixes things. 

"Is everything a game to you?" 

"You're not a game, Regulus," he shakes his head. Honest and still too close. This is what makes him so different, James can be a stupid idiot but he's always going to be honest and kind. "There's also no point in you being mad at me. You're different, I can see that. Who you were ten years ago is not relevant anymore, I'm just pointing out what I felt whenever I was visiting with Sirius. I never thought you were stupid, I just thought you were a lonely child who deserved better, and if I could make your day better by asking you questions, then it wouldn't be a problem for me." 

His breath hitches, and his skin feels warm under James' palm. His big, brown eyes are looking straight at Regulus, so he doesn't have any doubt about the meaning of his words. Maybe James pitied him, but he was also kind enough to entertain Regulus. Not from malice but from a place of compassion. 

He wants to keep fighting, show James that he's not easily softened and that Regulus had pointed weapons defending him this time. That though, deep down, Regulus is still addicted to the attention others give him, he's better at pretending he doesn't, better at pretending it's actually a choice, a game rather than a weak necessity. 

But the fight leaves him because it's just hard to be mad at James. Even when he's being a cocky, grinning arrogant, James Potter is just too genuine to hate. 

"That's why I liked you. Because you were kind even if you didn't need to," he says quietly, shamefully like it's a dirty secret. 

"You were a kid," he gently caresses his wrist with his thumb. "You deserved some kindness. And it was cute," he repeats, now smiling. 

"It was embarrassing," he mumbles. 

"It wasn't, Reg," he shakes his head. 

"We weren't supposed to talk about it."

"Then we are not," he promises him. "You don't need to get mad at me, though."

"I have an attitude problem," he tells him. Regulus is actually pretty collected, but his head is like a mad house and he's very quick to snap at most situations. He doesn't like it, makes him feel like his mom. 

"So feisty," he mutters with amusement. 

He opens his mouth to say something, asks about a mundane thing, or points out that James is caressing him and that sends mixed signals, but they're interrupted when Remus walks into the living room, looking at them with laser focus eyes. 

He looks at how close they are. How James is holding Regulus' wrist and how Regulus' body is already giving itself to James. How they were looking at each other, wanting but holding back. 

"We—" He opens his mouth to try to defend himself. Make Remus believe that this was nothing. But Remus cuts him off, shaking his head a bit like a tired, disappointed parent. Like he was waiting for the moment Regulus would give in and James would accept it. 

"I don't want to know," he says, quietly enough so Sirius can't hear it. "You two keep that," he gesticules between them, "To yourself." 

"Moony—" James tries again, letting go of Regulus' wrist like it burned him and sitting at a distance again. It's quite funny how a twenty-eight man can look like a teenager right now. Like James was doing something bad by wanting Regulus. 

"Don't. Want. To. Know," he says slowly. "Sirius is making popcorn in the kitchen, maybe one of you should help."

"I'm going," James says promptly, getting up like helping Sirius with the popcorn will absolve him for wanting Regulus naked. 

He goes to the kitchen leaving Regulus staring at Remus. 

"Nothing happened, you know," he comments easily, even if Remus said he didn't want to know, not because he doesn't like gossip but because he probably doesn't want information he can't share with Sirius. Because Sirius would hate this. "I wanted to, but he's not crossing lines."

"He's older than you."

"Yes, dad, I know this."

"He has a kid."

"Oh my god? Does he?" He fake-gasps.

"He is Sirius' best friend. My best friend."

"Calm your tits, alright?" He sighs. "Nothing happened."

"But you want to, which is bad enough," Remus says, hands on his hips. He's not exactly showing signs of displeasure, he just looks very tired of Regulus' stupidness. "Your brother won't like this."

"He's hot, Remus, I want to fuck a lot of hot men," he shrugs. "It's not a big deal. He thinks I'm hot too, and it's only that, mutual lust."

"He's not the type of person to lust for," he shakes his head. "If something happens, don't tell me. And don't keep it a secret from your brother because that would be worse."

"Nothing is happening," it sounds like he doesn't mean it.

Remus sighs tiredly, shaking his head again and giving up, like he already knew the conversation would end like this. 

"I'm going to help them, you stay here."

"Yes, dad."

Remus rolls his eyes before he leaves Regulus by himself, thinking about what the fuck just happened. 

Remus knows, which is bad but not that bad. He's more perceptive than others, so maybe he only knows because Remus pays too much attention. Sirius is not like this, he's always so worried about everything else he misses the details, so they're safe. You see, the problem is not even James and Regulus as a thing, the problem is that Regulus is Sirius' baby brother and you don't fuck baby brothers just because you're horny. James is Sirius' best friend which means Regulus is forbidden to mess around. If it was something serious, something more than just fucking, Sirius wouldn't be so displeased because James would be treating Regulus "respectfully", but just fucking wouldn't sound good enough for him. 

And then there's James. He could keep fueling the fire the second Regulus started to get wound up, but when he saw he wasn't playing about his annoyance, he backed off and explained himself. He didn't try to make Regulus explode, he didn't fight back. He calmed him down with just a few words, which normally doesn't happen with Regulus. James didn't need to explain himself, he could just leave Regulus to his own annoyance, but he chose to do the nice thing, which felt good for a second there. 

But thinking about James it's stupid, so Regulus shoves the thoughts down. It doesn't matter if he was nice to Regulus or if he was sweet to Regulus when he was a kid simply because he needed kindness. James shouldn't matter. 

When Sirius comes back to the living room, alone with a bowl of popcorn, Regulus already distracted himself with the horrors of Grindr. Because he meant it. He needs to get laid and take James out of his head. 

"What are you doing?" Sirius asks easily, sitting by his side and throwing some popcorn into his mouth. 

"Trying to find a date on Grindr," he replies boredly.

"What?" He chokes on his popcorn. Regulus smirks. "Why?"

"To get laid, Sirius," he blinks unbothered, lifting his head to stare at his brother. His hair is tied with twin braids and he's wearing a baggy band shirt with shorts and fluffy socks. 

"Why do you need to have Grindr for that? Can't you just meet someone in real life who's not a creep online?" 

"I don't know anyone," he shrugs. "Networking takes time, I just want to get fucked. Quickly." 

Sirius grimaces. "I can see if someone on my team knows someone for you."

"No, thanks," he shakes his head. "I don't want a twink from your marketing team."

"You don't even know them!" He protests. "And they might know someone for you."

"Thanks, but I'm not interested," he says easily. Going out with people Sirius can have information on it's a huge no for him. "I'm taking my chances with Grindr."

"That's so unromantic."

"Not all of us find the love of our lives at the age of eleven," he rolls his eyes. "What do you think about this one?" He shows the screen to him.

Sirius eyes the screen like it personally offended him. "Why is he thirty-two?"

"Because I like older men."

"Why don't you date someone of your own age?" Sirius asks, like he already has tons of arguments about how Regulus should date people his own age. 

"Men younger than twenty-five don't know how to make me cum," he says boredly. It's actually because Regulus has issues, people his own age are fine if you meet the right ones. Like Barty and Evan, they used to make Regulus go weak on the knee with cunt pulsing for minutes straight. It's not really about experience, it's about Regulus and his fucked brain. 

"Shut up, Regulus," Sirius grunts. 

"You asked me!" 

"Not thirty-two," he shakes his head. "I can accept twenty-eight." James' age, would you look at that? Regulus swaps to the side, showing Sirius the photo of a nice abs of a guy with twenty-seven. "What does he have against a photo of his face?" 

"He's showing the product."

"What's your photo?" His brother asks, suspiciously. Regulus laughs. 

"A mirror selfie, don't worry about it, Sirius." 

"That's a no for him," he ends up saying. "Next."

So they end up judging men for the next five minutes, and Sirius looks like he's having a lot of fun choosing men for Regulus, though he's saying no to all of them. It's like a bonding time, which feels nice because Regulus never talked about those things with Sirius. His brother was always more experienced, of course, but he also was living the life with Remus by the time Regulus started to fuck around and get more comfortable with his own sex life, so Sirius wasn't a part of that. He had Barty for that, which was a lot more helpful because Barty talks about sex like people talk about food. But now, it feels nice to let Sirius in. 

"What are you doing?" Remus asks when he comes back to the living room with James just behind him, both with full glasses and things to eat. He bets they were talking about Regulus in the kitchen. 

"Finding a Grindr date for Reg," he grins. "I'm so glad I married you, the options are horrible."

"Sirius is against people showing only their bodies instead of their faces," he jokes. 

"What happened to romance?" He rolls his eyes, pulling Remus to him and squeezing him into the sofa by his side. These two can't be apart if they're in the same room, it's annoying. 

"Why are you on Grindr?" James asks suspiciously, sitting by Regulus' side and squeezing him on the other side. Their bodies are touching now. 

"To get fucked," he blinks innocently at James. 

"What happened to meeting people in clubs?" 

"Too much trouble," he explains. "Here I already know their basic information, how many packs they have and the size of their dicks."

"No dick pic, Regulus," Sirius says. "If they send one, they're out."

"He thinks he has a say," Regulus tells them like it's a secret. "He doesn't."

"I'm your big brother, I do," he huffs. "I'm not letting you go if I don't approve of."

"I'm twenty-two."

"And I'm twenty-eight, I know more than you."

"What do you know? You married your first fuck, I'm not taking advice from you." 

"I kind of agree with your brother," James says easily. "Don't go out with the freaks."

"It's just sex, maybe I like the freaky ones, you know?" He tells James, smirking at him. 

"And that's nothing wrong with only having sex with one person your whole life!" Sirius defends himself. 

"Never said there was, just that you don't know shit about dating and meeting people. You met Remus when you were eleven and you knew you were going to marry him since then," he rolls his eyes. 

"He was smart," Remus grins, kissing Sirius' temple. 

"Well," Sirius blushes. He's so pathetic. "Listen to James then, James knows about it and he's saying no to the abs photos and dick pics."

"Why should I listen to James?" He wonders out loud.

"Because I'm older and know better than you," James tells him. "You should just delete Grindr actually."

"Should I?" He asks amused. 

"Yes."

"How am I going to find someone then? Do you have someone to introduce to me?" He's being a little shit, he knows it. James clenches his jaw, like he hates the idea of Regulus meeting anyone he might know. 

"Yes, your hand," he tells him. Regulus laughs.

"My hand it's tired, James. I'm in need of the real thing, you know?" His voice sounds more inviting than it should. 

"Buy one."

"I already have three," he hums. "Do you want to see?"

"Stop that," Sirius cuts the space between them with his hand, imitating a guillotine. 

"I know someone," Remus says easily. 

"Do you?" Sirius asks, squinting his eyes at him.

"Yes, Benjy."

"Oh," Sirius alights. "Yes, Benjy. You should go out with Benjy."

"Who?" James asks, his voice a little hard. 

"Benjy Fenwick, he's a professor," Remus explains, eyeing James with a warning there. "Of linguistics. He also works with Chinese texts."

"Because he's chinese?" Regulus wonders. 

"Yes," Remus nods. "I mean, his mom is and he lived there for a while when he was a teenager. He's cool."

"Yes," Sirius agrees. "And he's not that much old."

"How old?" James asks tensely. Regulus almost smiles. 

"Twenty-nine," Sirius replies. 

"That's too old for me, in your own words," Regulus reminds his brother.

"Yes, but Benjy is actually a nice guy, so I'm allowing it," he says with a nod. "We can show you a picture after this, you'll want him, he's quite handsome." 

"He's part of the track team of London," Remus tells him. "And he's quite tall."

"You two are no better than the Grindr," James complains. 

"Should I go back there then?" Regulus asks him. "I don't know, this Benjy guy sounds promising." 

"He sounds boring, you just said you wanted the freaky guys."

"I can multitask," he grins. "I'm up to it," he tells Sirius and Remus. "Send me pics later." He's not sure if he said that because he really is interested, or because he wanted to see James clenching his jaw again. 

"I'm glad we managed that," Sirius claps his hands together. "Now, what movie do you guys want?"

James scoffs by his side, but then starts to argue about the movie and no one goes back to Regulus, possible, future date. 

They decide to watch Trainspotting, and Sirius sits on Remus' lap, leaving more space for James and Regulus. But it's not needed because James sits really close to Regulus. Letting their thighs and arms touch. Regulus never paid much attention to the act of having a body next to his like he does during the two hours of the movie. James' body is so warm against his, so big and hard where Regulus is all soft and cold. It makes Regulus want to sink into him, feel how hard his muscles must be under his palm, feel his warmth on his lips and be held by James' strong hands. 

Regulus never wanted to be touched so much by someone as he does with James. And it's not like he thinks about this all the time, but when James is so close, when he's counting his breathing next to him, feeling his thigh against his and the slight movement of his shoulders when he laughs, Regulus gets fixated on the idea of being touched by him. 

A body shouldn't affect him this much, but he gets so weak with James so close and it doesn't make any sense. Why does Regulus want him so much? Is it a projection from when he was a kid? Is the forbidden nature of it all? Or just James himself? 

It's driving Regulus insane, and James is not doing a single thing but sitting by his side. 

He's afraid that the side of his body will have a burned mark from James' body. 

When the movie ends, Regulus is desperate to get away from James, but it's no use because when he tells Sirius he'll actually go back home, James offers him a ride. And Regulus can't say no because it's late and James has a car. Sirius would insist as well, so Regulus sighs and just accepts it. 

"You're quiet," James says in the silence of his car, starting the car. 

"I am quiet," he replies. "Most of the time, anyway."

"I know you used to be," he explains. "But I didn't know if you were anymore." 

"Does that surprise you?" He can't help but ask. "That I'm like this now but I can also still be quiet?"

"No," he replies quietly. "It doesn't. I think you're a lot of things, not just one. You can be flirty and confident now, and still be quiet and shy at times. You don't need to be flashy all the time and pretend it's all you are."

Regulus hates to be seen, yet James does that so effortlessly it's annoying. When people talk about Regulus, they talk about how he's flirty and confident. How he can be mean at times and snarky. How crazy and unpredictable when pushed too hard. No one dares to say that Regulus can be quiet and reserved, that Regulus can be shy, of all things. He tried so hard to be this powerful and untouchable person, but James sees past that too and recognizes the vulnerability of Regulus. 

"How do you know it's not all that I am?" 

"You're more complex than that, Regulus," he says with an amused expression, but voice soft. "You're just good at hiding."

"You're doing an okay job at seeing the hiding parts," he confesses. Regulus feels like he can confess things now. In the quietness of James' car, in the middle of the night with just the two of them, the moon and the stars. 

"I don't think I managed to scrape the surface yet." 

"Maybe you shouldn't," he tells him.

"Maybe," he repeats, full of something else that Regulus can't understand. 

Because why would James try to uncover all of Regulus if he won't stay? No one manages to be with Regulus once they learn all the hidden things, he wants James to be different, but it's no use to hope for something that won't happen. James will always be a teenage daydream to Regulus, nothing else. 

"Can we just be quiet?" He asks, looking at the window to avoid more conversation. It feels like every time he talks to James, he sees Regulus deeper than he intended or he flirts with him until Regulus is feeling reckless. Regulus is too exhausted to deal with one of the options.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Let's just be quiet."

James turns the aux on, playing soft and calming music, and they don't speak for the entire ride. 

Terrifyingly, this feels more intimate than talking. Words can reveal so many things, but it takes something else to be in complete silence with someone and not get uncomfortable by it. To just sit with the fading music filling the silence and count your breaths at each second. 

It's almost invasive to know someone through the silence. You can't hide from it, which only leaves you with the truth. 

And the truth about James Potter is that he curses in portuguese under his breath when someone is being too slow in front of him. That he taps his thumb on the wheel every time he signals, left thumb when it's for left, right thumb for right side. He sings the songs, but so low it's like he doesn't even realize he's singing at all. He steals glances at Regulus every time they stop at the red light. He's a calm driver, doesn't get mad, not even when someone forgets about signing where they're turning. He doesn't speed the car, ever. He doesn't skip the music, like he couldn't phantom the idea of not listening to all the songs in the world, no matter the mood. James likes silence, which you wouldn't think of because he's always so loud, so bright, but he gets soft under the heavy silence. 

Regulus shouldn't, but he stores all the information about James in a folder in his mind. Something secret and private only for his amusement. 

Sometimes, he wished James was a horrible person, just so Regulus could dislike him and get rid of all the affection he had for him. Regulus doesn't like how he gets around James, how interested and comfortable in his presence. How he wants him, but most of all, how warm he gets when James pays attention to him. Just like he did years ago. 

It's late when he parks in front of Regulus' flat, and the strangest thing is that Regulus thinks he could stay for hours in the car with James, just driving in silence with a song playing softly. 

"There you go," he says to him. 

Regulus rests his head on the seat, listening to the song and realizing it's a Brazilian one. "What song is this?" 

"Um amor puro by Djavan," he replies. "It means a pure love." 

"A love song, then," he hums. 

"A good one," he nods, agreeing. 

Regulus obviously doesn't understand a single thing the man is singing, but he closes his eyes and listens either way. It's not his style, but it feels like a love song. It's also a good song, no matter the meaning of the words Regulus doesn't understand. 

"I like it," he ends up saying. 

"It's one of my favorites," James tells him. 

Regulus opens his eyes, looking at James for a few beats before realizing they shouldn't be looking at each other like that. 

"I should go."

"Okay."

He takes his seat belt off, hesitating for a beat before opening the door. "Thanks for the invite, it was nice."

"You're always invited to come," he says honestly. 

"Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, Reg." 

He takes a deep breath, opening the door soon after and feeling the warm breeze outside. Regulus enters inside of his building without looking back, and for some reason, he feels more affected by this encounter with James than he felt in the others.

Because this time, it had nothing to do with lust, but something else entirely. 

Chapter Text

Regulus is extremely sexually frustrated. Which you wouldn't guess because he's outside Benjy Fenwick's building after having sex with him. 

To explain why Regulus is in such a position, he would have to go back to a week ago, when Remus gave him Benjy's number and they started to talk. It wasn't deep or life-changing, they talked about superficial things like their works, how were their days and about fucking. Benjy is a handsome-looking guy, he's tall and lean but very charming. He has dimples, dark silky hair and a big nose. Objectively speaking, Regulus should be all over him. And he was, sort of. Not about his personality but about the prospect of being fucked by Benjy. 

He had all that shy, boyish thing going on for him, and Regulus liked that. He was attracted to Benjy, he thought he would finally get fucked so good he would never think about James again. 

Then they went on a date, four hours before now. They decided to eat at an Italian restaurant, and the conversation was nice. Benjy was sweet, he told Regulus how pretty he was, how nice his clothes were and how he couldn't stop thinking about him since the moment they started to talk. He was good at talking and he loved talking about his studies, which was interesting enough. 

The problem was when they got to Benjy's place. And look, Regulus wouldn't say he was a disaster who didn't know how to do anything right. Benjy was good, he made Regulus cum before fucking him and that was nice of him, but it wasn't mind-blowing, just a sweet release. Regulus, foolishly, thought that he would get to the mind-blowing part after that. But he didn't. Benjy finished his own thing and didn't pay attention to Regulus' thing. Which now means Regulus' briefs are wet, his pussy is throbbing and he's deeply irritated and unsatisfied. 

To make everything worse, Regulus didn't manage to get an Uber. He did, actually, but it was expensive as fuck and it was one in the morning, so he did the second best thing he could, he called his brother's help. Regulus initially asked for money to pay for his overpriced Uber, but Sirius being Sirius said he was going to pick him up and take him home. 

If Regulus had any pride, he would be embarrassed that his brother was going to pick him up after a casual shag, but Regulus is very far away from his flat and in need of a proper orgasm, so there's that. 

The worst thing is, he wanted to make it work. Regulus was hoping for a wild, satisfying night and waking up in Benjy's bed with a post-orgasm glow on his face. But he got so pissed that he just put his clothes back on and said bye. What type of man doesn't make sure you came? Cocks are so easy, so fucking telling, but Regulus feels like he needs to give fucking manuals to others so he can get something. It's frustrating and leaves him mad. 

After a few minutes waiting, and by this point he thinks the cars passing through him might think he's a prostitute, his ride finally arrives.

But it's the worst thing that could have happened today. It's the cherry on top after his disastrous and disappointing night. It's the reason Regulus cogitates throwing himself in front of a car. 

Because the car that stops to pick him up it's a black Range Rover. James' car. 

Regulus is going to kill himself. 

James rolls the window of the passenger's door down and looks at Regulus from the driver's seat, a smug smile on his face like he already knows what happened. 

"Hi, there."

"What are you doing here?" Regulus demands immediately. 

James takes a while to answer that, because he's too fucking busy ogling Regulus. Since he thought he was going to get the shag of his life, he tried to look nice, black trousers hugging his waist and ass perfectly, dark green crop top and leather black jacket with Prada shoes. He knows he looks good and edible, but now the outfit just pisses him off more. 

"I was at your brother's place when you called him," he replies, voice sounding much lower than normal. "Movie night. I told him I would pick you up and then head to my place."

"You didn't need to."

"But I did."

Regulus swallows a frustrated grunt and gets inside the car, closing the door with too much strength. It's worse because now Regulus is wet and needs to deal with James of all people. He's living in hell right now. 

"Alright there?" James asks.

"Go fuck yourself," he snaps.

"Wow," he laughs. "Why are you so pissed, Reg? You were supposed to be all relaxed right now, weren't you?" He's taunting him, Regulus knows he is.  

"Just fucking drive, James," he orders, breathing deeply so he doesn't jump out of the car in movement to spare himself the trouble. 

"You won't tell me how the date went, then?" He asks, starting the car. 

"It went fine," he grits out. 

"That's why you're so wound up?" Regulus doesn't respond. "Was he a prick?" He wonders, now more seriously. "Did he do something —"

"He was fine," Regulus cuts him off. "Very respectful and nice." 

"But?" 

"I'm not talking about this with you," he immediately says.

"Why not? Aren't we past that?" He wonders. "Didn't he fucked you good enough to your standards?"

"No!" He says frustrated. "He didn't."

"I told you you shouldn't," the prick says, all full of himself. 

"You just said that because you don't like the idea of other men making me cum," he challenges him to say the contrary. James was clenching his jaw like a stupid, territorial prick, which was absurd if you stopped to think about it because he doesn't even want Regulus that much. 

"I just don't think other men are good enough for you," he says easily, like it's a normal thing to say.

"And who is? You?" 

"I would be the best you ever had," he smirks. "But that's not happening so I don't think he showed up yet. I had a feeling a guy named Benjy wouldn't do."

James is an idiot. Regulus wants to smother him with his head between his thighs. 

"You need to stop that," he grunts.

"What?" He asks innocently.

"Telling me you would be the best I ever had, that no man is good enough for me but you're also not on the menu," he says. "It sends mixed signals."

"I'm just being honest, you're too much for simple men," he shrugs. 

"Was that supposed to mean?" 

"That you're too hot for just anyone," he replies.

"But not to you?"

"You're hot the perfect way for me," he grins. 

"I'm going to kill you," Regulus threatens him, because he's horny and James is casually saying he's hot and perfect for him to fuck, but still denying they should. He's the worst. 

"Don't start flirting with me, Regulus," he winks at him before going back to paying attention to the road. 

"Why can't we just do it?" He wonders out loud. "There's no reason for you to just say that stuff if you don't mean it. And what? We're not fucking because of Sirius? He doesn't need to know."

"First of all, you don't mess around with your best friend's brother," James tells him very seriously. "Second of all, I thought we were okay with joking about it because we already know the desire is there. And third of all, if I ever do fuck you, I won't be doing it after another guy."

"What if it's inevitable?" Regulus asks. "What if you're doing all of this but in the end it won't matter because we would be fucking either way. Then what?"

"How sexually frustrated you really are now?" He wonders out loud, changing the topic. 

"James," he growls. 

"God, he's twenty-nine and he doesn't know what to do with you?" He shakes his head as the idea bothers him. 

"A lot of men don't," Regulus confesses. "I learn through life that my body is a very complicated thing to satisfy, once a guy spent forty minutes trying to make me come."

"Did he manage?" 

"Yes. After forty minutes," he rolls his eyes, even if James is not watching him. "It's like my body refuses to be easy."

"To match its owner," he jokes, laughing at his own comment. 

"It's so easy with dicks," he sighs. "A few strokes here, a few licks there and yey! You're coming. I don't have that, it takes a whole skill set sometimes."

"Maybe you weren't actually there," James tries to help. "Or you weren't attracted enough to them. I don't know."

"Have you ever not had a cunt orgasming for you?" He asks him. 

"Well," he pauses, "Not that I'm aware of? I mean, I try to make it cum at least twice, so I would say that at least one time I made it in every shag." 

"Three is the charm," Regulus tells him. "And he did make me cum once."

"So why are you so mad?" 

"Because it was just a mid one!" He tells him. "I wanted one before, to get loose and wet and one with his dick inside of me. And he didn't manage that." 

"He left you hanging?" James asks, seeming very offended on Regulus' side.

"He came, and I was almost there. I was so close, James," he tells him, totally sharing too many details with James now. "But then he came, and he fell on top of me like he had run a marathon and my pussy was throbbing, begging for an orgasm and he did nothing about it. He didn't ask, he didn't check. He got up and asked if I wanted to use the bathroom."

"Oh my god," He says, horrified. "What a fucking loser." 

"I was so shocked that I just said I was going back to my flat, I didn't even pee," he snorts. "God, what I fucking disaster."

"And you just left?" He asks. "Without coming?" 

"Yes! What did you want me to do? Tell him he was a fucking asshole and I wanted one more round?"

"Yes?"

"He was going to call me a bitch and get offended," he tells him. 

"Then he wasn't worthy," James concludes. "Now I understand why you're like this."

"Like what?" 

"You're skittish," he lets him know. "Your hair is a mess, your cheeks are flushed and you're grimacing. You're also very snappy, good to know you turn into a gremlin if you can't cum."

"My briefs are wet," he shares, because James just makes him very comfortable and Regulus is clearly not right on his mind right now. So why not share details with James, right? 

"Are they?" James asks, eying him briefly. 

"I'm dripping wet, James."

"That bad?" His voice sounds huskier than a second ago. 

"I'm throbbing," he adds, wetting his lower lip and pressing his legs together. 

"Puta merda," James says under his breath. Regulus has no idea what that means but merda sounds a lot like merdé in french, so he thinks he just swore in portuguese. 

"Maybe you should see for yourself," Regulus suggests because he's out of his mind apparently. No matter how many times James says they won't happen, Regulus still finds the need to test it out. Poke him until he's squirming. Seeing James' control snap. 

"You want me to feel how wet your cunt is, Reg?" He asks, gripping the steering wheel tightly, knuckles turning white with the force of it. 

"So you can know how bad it was," he says innocently, not like he's gauging James to touch his cunt at all. "It doesn't mean anything, does it? It's not like you're going to finish the job."

"I wouldn't," he agrees. "Not for another man."

"Exactly," he finds himself nodding, pressing his thighs together tighter and feeling the flutter in his lower stomach. "Aren't you curious?" 

"Regulus," he takes a deep breath. "You're playing with fire here."

Regulus opens his legs, feeling how wet his briefs are under his trousers, slick and uncomfortable. 

"I'm very frustrated, James," he tells him. "I don't mind a little burn." 

To his surprise, and shock, what happens next shuts Regulus up for the next few minutes. Because James does take a hand off the wheel, and goes to the button of Regulus' trousers, and he's so surprised he stays speechless. His heart starts beating strongly on his chest and Regulus feels a sick thrill cursing through his veins with the reality that James is really going to do it. 

With an easiness that shouldn't be possible to someone who's driving a fucking car, James' hand slips inside of Regulus' see-through black briefs, and very lightly his fingers graze between Regulus' folds, touching so softly that it causes just a tingle on Regulus. He wants to rub against his fingers, he wants to beg James to make him come, he wants his fingers inside of him. But everything happens so fast that Regulus doesn't even have the time to savor the feeling, because as fast as James' fingers slip in, they slip out. Still leaving Regulus frustrated, but this time, much, much more horny.

Fuck, James' fingers were in his pussy and nothing really happened. 

Regulus is going to die of sexual frustration. He hates himself for suggesting this and not the whole deal. 

And why would James agree to his own stupidity? Why would he feel how wet Regulus was if he wasn't going to do anything about it? 

Regulus looks at James in disbelief, his mouth a little agape from what just happened, and to his horror, James licks his fingers to clean them up. Clean them from Regulus' mess. James just tasted Regulus. And he didn't even tease him. Who does that? 

"You taste sweet," he says easily, so casually you would think he was talking about something else entirely. 

He's so hot. Regulus wants to kill him.

"Stop the car."

"What?" James sounds alarmed, frowning because Regulus is acting like a crazy person.

"The car. Stop it."

James does it, because he's just too nice and he's probably thinking he crossed some line and made a mistake. Far from it actually. 

"I will be right back," Regulus tells him, getting out of the car with shaking body and wobbly legs. He picks up his phone and dials the first person he thinks of. 

"Yeah?" Barty replies on the second ring.

"James just felt how wet my pussy is and didn't do shit about it," he tells him.

"What happened to hi, hello, how are you?" Barty asks. 

"Barty this is serious," he snaps. "I just told him to stop the car so I could call you. This is a crisis call."

"He stopped the car just like that? God, he must think you're nuts," he laughs. "Fine, I'm a little lost, I need details. What the fuck happened?"

"My date, he didn't manage to get the deal done with me, so I was frustrated and wet and James came to pick me up," he starts explaining, walking from side to side in the middle of the sidewalk like a madman while he speaks in french. "Sirius was supposed to, but James was with him so he offered himself. And I was frustrated, alright? Like, losing my mind."

"Because you didn't come?" 

"Yes!"

"Adds up," he hums. Barty used to eat him out to make Regulus more tolerable back in the old days. 

"So I started to say stupid shit and share too many details, and I was just like, hey James do you want to see for yourself how fucking wet I am?"

"What's wrong with you?" Barty asks genuinely.

"Not the point, Barty. The point is, he did it. He unbuttoned my trousers and slipped his hand inside of my very wet briefs and felt how soaked I was. Just like that. He didn't rub my clit or try to put the fingers inside. He barely touched me at all. And then, in a blink, he took his hand off and licked me off of his fingers. And you know what he said? That I taste sweet." 

"But he's still not willing to say fuck it to his morals and fuck you senseless?" 

"No!" He almost screams. "I'm going to die. I swear, I can't take it."

"Damn, daddy Potter is a fucking tease," he comments. 

"What do I do?" 

"Nothing?" He suggests. "Look, if you keep insisting, you'll come off as desperate. He looks like he's teasing you and being fucking cool about the whole thing, so do it like him and pretend this is your normal."

"I hate this," he confesses. "I hate how stupid I get around him. I talk too much. I share too many details. I try to get a reaction out of him like an attention whore and act insane. I need professional help."

"You need your father's love," he jokes. "You have a therapist, you do know that, yes?" 

"I already know what I need, to be fucked. Good. Until I pass out. That's what I need."

"Going back to Grindr, then?" 

"What other choices do I have? He won't fuck me, so yes," he grunts. 

"You could also drive him so mad he won't have any other option but fucking you," he suggests.

"I'm not sure if it will work out and it probably would take too much of my time," he says. "I need now. Quickly."

"Sucks to be you, babe," he tells him, and Regulus listens to the fainting sound of a zipper closing. 

"What are you doing?" He asks, curious.

"Packing."

"Why?" He frowns. 

"I need to go to Italy," he replies, not explaining shit. 

"Italy? Why?" 

"Because Evan is trying to drive me insane, that's why."

"Do you care about explaining or…"

"We fought this morning," he says. "It was stupid, I was late to get to the shop and I had a client so I couldn't get any more late. But Evan was like, please Barty let's just fuck, the shop it's already yours there's no problem in getting late. And I told him there was a problem. Then he got mad and said that I was a fucking asshole and left for Pandora's place. He didn't reply to me the entire day, not even when I sent him a video jerking off!" He sounds really wound up now. "And now Pandora just texted me saying Evan fucked off to fucking Italy because he's a piece of shit. God, who does that? Over a stupid reason like this? He's insane, Regulus, completely bonkers, when I get to him in fucking Italy I'm leaving his fucking ass raw."

Regulus is speechless. "Every time I think I have issues, you and Evan exist to prove to me I'm actually alright."

"And you know what? I wasn't going to bother you with that because you're in fucking London so why could you do about it, but he wasn't even really mad at me," Barty goes on. "When he's mad, we fight and he bangs my head on the wall and I take it like a fucking man, but this time he just stormed out, and you know why? Because Evan is freaking out."

"... Okay?" 

"He's realizing everyone is doing something and he's stuck, and he's getting mad over this. Everyone is working and even Xeno doesn't have free time for him. Fucking Xeno, you know, the one who reads fucking Karl Marx the entire day and writes thesis no one will read? Yeah, exactly. And Evan does nothing but spend his money while everyone is busy working. He doesn't have a passion, he's jumping from class to class trying to find something to do but nothing is working. The sex happens twice more than it did, which is insane because we already fuck like bunnies. He pouts and gets all sullen because people are blowing him off to work and now he goes to fucking Italy because he's frustrated."

"Wow, that's—"

"I'm thinking about giving him a dog but I think he will spit on my face, not that I don't like that, but you know what I mean," he cuts Regulus off. It seems like Barty has been wanting to take this out of his chest for a while now. "And I can't give him a baby because we're twenty-two and we've been arrested twice, so who will give us a fucking baby, huh? No, actually, his new passion might actually be trying to get me pregnant, which won't happen no matter how many times he cums inside of me."

"Too much, Barty," he grunts, not wanting to know about Evan's breeding kink. 

"I'm getting insane!" He screams on the other side. "He's driving me insane. Why can't he just go to fucking yoga and find his inner peace? Why he needs to pick stupid fights with me and fuck off to Italy without telling me?" 

"Have you tried to talk to him?" 

"Of course not!" 

"Well, maybe you should try," he says amusedly. Evan is crazy and very dramatic, but Barty is not actually of any great help. It's not even that they have communication issues, Evan and Barty actually are very good at it, but they get so lost in the craziness of it all, that they forget they have an easy way out by talking. 

"Why did I fall for a guy who only wants to have five kids in a big ass house?" He wonders. "Why couldn't I fall for a guy who wanted to figure out the cure to cancer or liked to bake? Why does it have to be Evan?" 

"Because you love him very much and he's the one," Regulus reminds him, knowing that deep down Barty is not even doubting the whys. It was always Evan for him. 

It was so obvious to everyone around them, how they were fated to be together no matter how. Evan and Barty were always two bodies with one mind, and though Evan is allegedly losing his mind, Regulus knows they'll find their balance again or maybe get even more crazy. But together.

"Yeah," he breathes out. "And other gay shit."

"Exactly," he snorts. "And I got you covered on the babies, remember?" Because Regulus has tons of eggs frozen and all that. He told them it was a bad idea to mix his DNA with theirs because their kid would be the antichrist, but Evan just shook his head, kissed Regulus' forehead and told him he loved him. 

"Twenty-two, Regulus," he reminds him. 

"There's nothing wrong in wanting to be a parent," he says casually. "He's rich, he has time. Why not?" 

"Because I'm also going to be a parent and I'm not fucking ready," Barty tells him. "This isn't the problem, I doubt Evan wants a baby right now. It's just— He likes doing nothing but he hates other people who don't think the same as him." 

"That's because we live in a capitalist world and we need money to survive," he tells him amusedly. "And Evan doesn't know that because he's a billionaire." 

"I know," he sighs. "I love him still."

"I know you do," he says softly. 

"You should go back to the car, daddy Potter must be thinking you're more insane than you actually are."

"You have a point," he looks at James' car. "And Barty?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't hide shit from me just because I'm in another country," he says. "I know it sucks to you guys but it sucks more to me. You're all together and I'm by myself."

"You're right," he agrees softly. "Sorry I didn't tell you Evan is losing his mind. I miss you."

"I miss you too." 

"Okay, I'm leaving now. Love you."

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters. "Bye."

"Bye." 

When the call ends, Regulus realizes what exactly he did. 

James must be thinking he's insane, which Regulus probably is a bit, and he's not sure if he wants to go back to the car to look at him again after he just bolted out of the car after James felt his cunt. What was Regulus thinking? He clearly wasn't, actually. It's the horny monster, he knows it is. Regulus didn't manage to get his release and now he's being crazy, especially with James. He's losing his mind and his actions are getting worse and worse. 

He takes a deep breath, and deciding to face his own decisions he goes back to the car, sitting in the passenger's seat like nothing happened. Barty was right, James is being cool about it so Regulus will pretend he also is, even if he did ask James to stop the car so he could call his best friend in the middle of a crisis. 

He doesn't say a single thing, feeling James' eyes on him and the tension in the car. He's probably thinking what the fuck just happened, but it's not Regulus that will tell him. 

"Regulus," James says his name very slowly. He turns his head to look at him, blinking innocently at him.

"Yes?"

"What was that?" 

"What was what?" 

"You asked me to stop the car," he says very patiently. 

"Oh, that," he nods to himself. "It was nothing, really. Barty needed to rant about Evan."

"Who?"

"My best friends," he explains, totally lying. "They date each other. They fought and now Evan is in Italy."

James doesn't look like he believes in him, but when it's about Evan and Barty, they're mostly non-believable. 

"Did I make you uncomfortable?" He ends up asking, because of course James would worry about this. He's such a good guy, which is strange because normally Regulus is drawn to charming assholes he knows will break him eventually. Not nice, kind and decent guys like James. 

"About touching my pussy?" He asks unbothered. "No, James, you didn't. I told you to, remember?"

"I know but—"

"I'm very frustrated and out of my mind now," he ends up saying, wanting to put this behind them. Not trying to remember that James just tasted him minutes ago. "I shouldn't get you into my stupid ideas, so, sorry. It's fine, though, I'm not uncomfortable." 

"I wanted to," James reveals, and Regulus wants to bang his head on something. "I find myself very prone to do stupid shit when it involves you, it seems." 

"Except doing what I want you to," he teases him, smiling despite himself. 

It's strange, all this push and pull. The teasing. Crossing the line but not completely. Regulus never had a problem with getting what he wanted from men, he found his confidence and used it, but with James, it was not enough. He wants Regulus, he can see that, but he's probably more interested in being his friend rather than fucking him. 

"Except that," he agrees, also smiling. "So it was fine?"

"It made me even more sexually frustrated, but it was fine," he nods. "You don't make me uncomfortable, James." 

"Okay," he says. "That's good."

"It is." 

"You shouldn't go out with him anymore," he tells him, like he was waiting to tell Regulus that. A thought he couldn't shake it off. 

"I won't," he wets his lower lip, staring at James and amazing himself with how long and thick his eyelashes are. 

"Good."

"Good," he repeats stupidly. Regulus tries to find something they can talk about without Regulus asking for something stupid again. "How is Harry?" 

James laughs, surprised and amused at the same time. "Are you really using my kid as a way of distraction?" 

"I guess I am," he shrugs. "So?" 

"Harry is great," he replies, starting the car again to go back to driving. "His class is doing a play of the Lion King."

"Is he Simba?" He guesses. 

"He is," James agrees, smiling proudly. "Main character."

"Does he know how to act at all?" 

"Of course not, but he's very passionate about it," he tells him. "I already watched The Lion King three times since he got the news. Lily watched it twice already and neither of us can take it anymore." 

"When I was a kid I made Sirius watch Coraline with me fifteen times. In one week." 

"Of course you liked Coraline," he snorts. 

"Hey! It's a great movie," he protests.

"It's creepy."

"It's not creepy," he defends himself. "Lion King it's way more creepier, with that fucking hyenas and Mufasa's death? Brutal." 

"Buttons in their eyes, Regulus," he reminds him. 

"Maybe you were just a pussy," he says. "I'll show Coraline to Harry, I bet he's going to love it." 

"He might, that kid likes some creepy things," he confesses. "He loves Monster House." 

"He has a good taste," Regulus decides. 

"Did your friend really go to Italy?" He wonders.

"Oh, yeah," he confirms. "They have issues. They're not even properly fighting, they're just dramatic." 

"Oh, wow," he sounds truly impressed. "And he just…"

"Yup," he confirms. "Just fucked off to Italy, and now Barty is going after him to put some sense inside of his head. It's just a normal Friday for them, once they fought and broke up and Barty decided it was a good idea to go on a date with one of his past flings in Monaco. Evan went after him, broke the guy's nose and told Barty he could never break up with him again. They stayed apart for like, twelve hours before going back together."

"Your friends are…"

"Insane? Unique?" He tries. "I like to think of them as entertaining." 

"Different," he decides. 

"That they're," he agrees softly. 

"Do you miss them a lot?" He asks quietly. 

"Like a lung," he smiles small. "I was used to having them around all the time, so now I get kind of lonely without them."

"So why come back?" He wonders. "If they were all there."

Regulus gets silent for a few beats. He knows he could still have a good life in France, surrounded by his friends and Alphard. But France holds too much history, bad ones. It represents a side of Regulus he started to hate and memories he couldn't wash away. Sometimes Regulus thinks that if he had stayed, he would fall into a deeper hole than before. He needed to get away from everything related to the country, even if he had to be apart from his friends for this.

None of them spoke the words out loud, but his friends also knew this. That no matter how much they tried to stop him, if Regulus stayed, he would go back to old vices and ruin his own life. 

"My dream job was here, Sirius was here," he replies. "I love my friends, but France is… France is a place full of mistakes waiting for me to commit them. I needed to get away. Plus, when I left England, I left as someone who wasn't me. It's the only place I was never myself in, I wanted to change that." 

"What's so bad in France that it drove you away?" He asks curiously. 

"Maybe one day I'll tell you," he says teasingly. He doubts he will, that side of Regulus shouldn't be known by James. He'll look at Regulus differently. He'll pity him. Regulus doesn't want that, he prefers the interest and the desire. 

"So full of secrets," James mutters amusedly. 

"To keep me interesting."

"Trust me, Regulus. You're interesting enough." 

His heart skips a beat. He had dreams about James telling him that ten years ago. 

"You just say that because you want me naked," he jokes, feeling uncomfortable with the confession. 

"You don't really believe in that, do you?" He frowns, stealing a quick glance at Regulus. 

"In what?"

"That I'm only interested in you because I'm attracted to you?" He explains. 

"Why else would you?" He challenges him. 

"Because you're fascinating," James reveals. Like it's nothing. Like it doesn't shake Regulus from the inside out. 

"You're lying."

"I'm not," he shakes his head. "Why would I lie?" 

"To seem decent?" 

"You don't think I'm decent?" He asks, now amused. 

"Are you fishing for compliments?" 

"Are you trying to dodge my question?" 

Regulus wants to kiss him. 

"You're decent enough," he confesses. Probably one of the most decent people Regulus ever met. "But I don't believe in you on this."

"That's okay," he says easily. "I can show you with time how I mean it." 

"I doubt you will."

"I like challenges." 

"Is that what I am? A challenge?" He asks him. 

"I think you would like that, wouldn't you?" He mutters, and Regulus rests his arm on the window, biting the tip of his finger like an unconscious thing. Watching James drive while he thinks about it. 

Regulus would like to be a challenge to James. Something he wants to win and have. Something he wants to conquer. But not a challenge where James will try to get to know him. Not a challenge where, in the end, James gets the raw and rotten Regulus. Because he thinks James is a competitive person who rarely loses, and Regulus wants the truth away from him. 

"Why is that?"

"You like the chase," he tells him, now all cocky and confident about his own conclusions. "You like people trying to get to you just so you can tell them no. You like teasing but holding back until someone is begging at your feet."

"Will you beg at my feet, James?" He asks him, voice quiet and suggestive. Picturing the scene in his head and shivering slightly. James is such a strong, confident, bright person, that to have him begging for Regulus would be a true blessing. 

"I don't beg, love."

Love. Love, love, love. 

"But you would for me," Regulus says smugly, pretending the word used didn't bother him. "I have a feeling about it."

James looks at him for a moment, smirking at him. "And I have a feeling you don't actually want to be holding the power. I think you like to please more than anything."

"You're wrong." He's not.

"Am I?" 

"You'll never find out," he ends up shrugging. "Because we won't ever happen."

"We won't," he agrees, gripping the wheel like the idea makes him pissed. 

Regulus wants them to be wrong, but he's also very scared of letting it happen. The more James comes closer, the more Regulus' mask will shatter, showing everything he has inside. Regulus is very good at deceiving and lying, he's good at being someone he's not. He's good at being sexy and flirty. But when people get too close, when Regulus gets lost in them and their sweet promises, he struggles in hiding because though he's terrified of it, Regulus just really wants to be seen and loved. Any opportunity to have that, and he's turning into a pathetic version of himself. He doesn't want James getting past his barriers, doesn't want him close enough to snatch the truth. 

Regulus is not fascinating, he's a void of problems and insecurities. He drives people away and gets devastated when they actually leave him. Regulus is work, and people get tired once he stops being the fake version of himself. He wants to be loved but it's work to love Regulus. It's tiring and sickening. He would rather never know James truly than have the small possibility of being abandoned by him. 

So no matter how much Regulus desires James, wants him in the most primal way. It's best if it doesn't happen. He needs to keep reminding himself of that. 

It's just really hard when James is so damn close. 

Surprisingly enough, Regulus likes his job. 

He likes it because he's good at it. He gets stressed sometimes, his head hurts daily from staring too much at the computer screen and he gets frustrated when his ideas are not clear enough. But he likes it. 

From the moment Regulus got into college, he fell in love with editing. It's a whole new work to read something someone else wrote and try to make it better. It's a huge responsibility to say what they should take it off, what they should add and what ideas are not clear enough or too weak. You can't take the author's soul out of it, you need to make it better, to turn it into a masterpiece and Regulus liked that. He liked knowing that he could turn something good into something better. That Regulus Black could improve things rather than just destroy them. 

Amelia gave them the first chapters of her new book and it's been a whole process to edit the book. Tons of emails shared back and forth with Emma, meetings with Emmeline and so many opinions Regulus' head hurt. Emma has a very sharp and objective way of editing, but Regulus focuses more on the emotional things which sometimes causes a heated debate between them. Emmeline knows Amelia better, so she's the bridge between them and holds all the important opinions about the path Amelia wants to take with her book. It's not just sitting and rearranging everything they don't like, they need to edit and edit again and again until it's good enough for the three of them and it's still Amelia's book, which is a tricky work but Regulus loves. 

For many years, Regulus never thought he was good at something, but he's good at his job so he clings tight to it. 

Regulus is still warming to Emma and Emmeline, but it's hard to be friendly with both of them in the same room because they don't like each other and make it Regulus' problem sometimes. In Regulus' opinion, it's pure sexual tension. They're not unprofessional, far from it actually, but they do make jabs at each other and keep staring at each other like they want to pull each other's hair out. 

Separately though, Regulus can be friendly enough to them. They're not exactly friends, but they're something. 

Emma Vanity came from an old money family from Chelsea, she has black silk hair at collarbone length, she only dresses in black and high heels, no matter if it's impractical, no matter if it's raining. She's very confident about her job and she can come off as too strong at first glance, she rarely will be seen smiling in the morning or being overly kind to anyone, but she's not a bitch. She gives tips to Regulus and never gets annoyed when he takes his time to figure things out. Though they can have their heated debates, she never disrespects Regulus or dismisses his ideas. She's very ambitious and focused on her job and she doesn't try to pretend she's not good at it because she just knows she is. Regulus admires her for not caring about other's opinions and envies her confidence. She brings Regulus his chai tea latte every meeting and shares her chocolates with him sometimes. She's not a friend, but a mentor and ally and Regulus really likes her. 

Emmeline Vance is a korean-english woman with korean, teacher mom and british, journalist dad. She has bangs and long black hair, a nose piercing and tons of tattoos around her body. She's tall, a few inches taller than Regulus even, and she also always wears heels, making her even more taller and intimidating. She wears a color every day of the week, but only trousers and never pencil skirts. She looks scary and she can be a shark, but when she talks to Amelia she's kind and understanding. She only curses in korean around the office and has three cats she loves to talk about. She's also very welcoming to Regulus and encourages him when he gets lost in his own thoughts and explanations. She took him to lunch twice and Regulus can also say he likes her. 

He was terrified of hating them and not being able to work with the two of them, especially because Hestia Jones, the marketing girl, said to him they hated each other's gut and fought constantly, but nothing of the sort ever happened with Regulus around so maybe it's just office gossip. To his own luck, he likes both of them which makes his job easier. 

"So meeting in two days," Emmeline warns them, closing her computer. "I'll talk to Amelia about the whole too much politics thing," she says this looking directly at Emma, who doesn't cower even if Emmeline's stare it's scary. 

"I'm just saying that her books are more about the drama rather than the contemporary speeches about politics," she replies sharply. "And it lacks confidence."

"I vouch for that," Regulus nods, annotating the topics of the meeting on his iPad. "If she wants politics, she needs to study more."

Emmeline will tell Amelia all of that, but much more kindly and sweeter. Being a book agent of an author is a very complicated job, you need to approach the criticism and the changes without discouraging the author and you need to know when to back off to not let the author slip away. It's a trust process that takes familiarity, and as far as Regulus' knows, Emmeline has been Amelia's agent since the very beginning. Not Emma though, Regulus knows she refused to edit the past two books of Amelia, but she wanted Bloodlines and she fought other book editors to get it. 

"Alright," Emmeline nods. "I'll send an email today to say what stays and what she's rewriting. Send me the last edited version of the chapters as soon as the meeting is over."

"I can do it now," Regulus tells her easily, already opening his email. "It's full of insights from me and Emma." 

"Good," Emmeline nods, getting up. "That's it then, I'll see you in two days."

Emma says nothing, getting up as well and picking up her iPad. She then looks at Regulus. "Are you up to have brunch with me?" She asks. 

"You can't call him to get brunch with you," Emmeline humphs.

"Why is that, Vance?" Emma challenges her. 

"Because I'm the one who takes him out to eat," she crosses her arms. 

Oh god, they're fighting about his custody. Not even his parents did that. 

"I can take him out if I want to, you're not the boss of him," Emma also crosses her arms. Even if she's smaller, she looks fearless staring at Emmeline. 

"Are you interested in Regulus, Vanity?" She asks. "You need to talk to the HR if it's the case."

"I'm a lesbian, Vance," she blinks. "You could've just asked rather than fish for something."

"I wasn't!" She snaps. "I'm not interested in your sex life." 

"That's what you say," she snorts, all arrogant. Regulus would like to have a way out, thanks. 

"You're so full of yourself." Emmeline takes a step forward, staring down at Emma. 

"And you're conceited." Emma also takes a step forward. 

Regulus fears they will start ripping their clothes out. 

With a miracle, Regulus' phone starts to ring, and he gets up in a flash, grabbing his things and thanking the universe for throwing this way out to him. 

"I'm sorry, Emma, but I can't today," he says apologetically, and only now do they turn their heads to stare at Regulus. Like they've forgotten he was there. "Maybe next time? You two can figure out my shared custody, right?" He grins. Emma likes to call him little shit, while Emmeline goes for brat. "I need to go now but I already sent you the email. Bye now, see you in two days."

Without waiting for their replies, he gets out of the small meeting room they're in, answering the call quickly like he was in such a hurry.

"Yes?" 

"Hi, where are you?" A voice asks. A voice Regulus knows. He pauses, surprised. 

"James?" He asks. 

"Who else?" He replies in a good mood. 

"How did you get my number?" He frowns, dumbfounded that James Potter is calling him so casually like they're used to it. They're not. 

"Sirius," he says, like it's obvious and maybe it is. "So? Where are you right now?" 

"Uh…" he grumbles, walking to the elevator. "Getting out of my meeting. Why?" 

"Are you busy after this?" 

"No?" He blinks, not understanding half of this conversation already. "Why?" He repeats. 

"Find a nice coffee shop around and send me your location, yeah?" He asks, and Regulus hears the fainting sound of people talking in the back and cars passing through. 

"What?" He lets out, surprised. "Are you serious right now?"

"Yes, very," he replies amusedly. Regulus hears the sound of a beep, then James gets inside a quieter place, closing a door soon after. Probably his car. "The publisher's building it's close to your neighborhood, isn't it?" 

"Yes," he confirms slowly, not even bothering to ask how James knows this, it was probably Sirius again. 

"Alright then," he hums to himself. "Send me the location, I'll be there in ten, probably. Grab us a table, will you?"

"James, I—" He ends the call before Regulus can say anything else.

He stares at his phone screen, wondering if he just dreamed the whole thing. But it was very real, and James just asked him on a date. Sort of. A friendly date, probably. In a coffee shop. 

There's no reason why Regulus should go. He already had decided tons of times before that James was supposed to stay away so Regulus wouldn't be tempted by him. But even so, he feels a little excitement in the pit of his stomach. To talk to James. Ask him questions. Look at him and flirt with him again. 

James is like a drug Regulus wants to keep trying, but the problem with drugs is that you can get addicted to them, and getting addicted to James it's a recipe for disaster. 

Even so. Even knowing all of that, Regulus goes to the damn coffee shop, saves James' number and sends him the location. He promises himself it will be a one-time thing. Just this once and never again. One time won't kill him, he's sure of it. 

When James comes inside the coffee shop, Regulus immediately wants to die. Because James is in a suit. Black. White shirt and cobalt tie. Probably custom-made because it fits perfectly in his body, hugging his chest, his shoulders and thighs. He looks edible. Regulus fears he's staring too hard. 

He never saw James in a suit, never saw businessman James. He was always in shirts and jeans when Regulus saw him, and now he shows up in a suit looking expensive as fuck and Regulus' brain shortcuts. 

"I wasn't sure you would actually take my offer," James says as a greeting, smiling big at him and sitting in the chair in front of Regulus. 

"You hang up before I could say no," he replies, scratching his throat because suddenly Regulus is very thirsty. "It seemed impolite to not come."

"Well, thanks for coming," he says genuinely. James holds his cheek with the palm of his hand, big brown eyes staring at Regulus with his glasses on the tip of his nose. "I like office style on you."

Regulus looks down at his own clothes, he has mainly two options of clothes, the slutty ones and the posh ones. The posh ones he uses to work and the slutty ones to go out. The casual clothes don't count as his style because there's nothing stylish in baggy jeans and t-shirts. He's wearing black, fitted trousers, a deep green cashmere sweater and black loafers. Plus the coin silver necklace with a phoenix charm he never takes off, a present Sirius gave to him before he moved to France and Regulus wears it religiously. 

"You look hot in a suit," he decides to say back, because why not right? 

"I'm always looking hot," James teases him, making Regulus roll his eyes because James is annoying. "Did you already order something?"

"No, I was waiting for you, I wasn't sure what you wanted."

"I'm ordering for us, then," he gets up. "What do you want?"

"Chai and cookies."

"I took you as a black coffee guy."

"Was," Regulus confirms. "Until I took too much coffee in college and needed to stop for the sake of my health and all that." 

"Smart choice," he grins. "I'll be right back."

When James goes to make their order, Regulus notices people turning their heads to stare at him. And he gets it. Every time James enters a room, people stop to look at him. There's just something about him that makes it impossible for James to pass unnoticed. It's in times like this that Regulus knows that his poor past self could never not have a crush on James. He thinks half of the world already had a crush on him, not because he's gorgeous but because he smiles at you warmly and wishes you a good afternoon, just like he's doing to the barista taking their orders. He asks about your day. He makes you laugh and smile and gets interested in whatever you're saying. When James Potter's attention is on you, it's warm. 

Regulus was just one of too many and it leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. That he wasn't immune to it. That even now, he accepts going out with James because the idea of not doing it bothers him. 

He's not sure if this says more about him or more about James. 

When James gets back, Regulus regrets all of the decisions that brought him here, but he also wants to stay. He wants to ask James so many questions, wants to stare at his face a little longer and hear his laugh one more time. Regulus wouldn't say he's starting an obsession with James, but when he's around, Regulus gets hooked on him. Like having James so close it's the most thrilling thing that ever happened to him even if it's not true.

"What did you order?" Regulus asks. 

"Mocha," he replies. "And donuts." Regulus saves the answer in his head. 

"Were you really around?" He takes a sip of his chai, doubting James' intentions. 

"Yes, that was true," he nods, taking a bite of his donut and moaning at the taste. Regulus crosses his legs under the table. "I have a non-profit organization around here, I needed to check some things. I don't have anything to do until," he looks at his Rolex, "Two hours. So I thought, why not see if Regulus is free? I haven't seen you around."

"You saw me two weeks ago," he replies dryly. When he picked Regulus up from his disastrous bootie call. 

After Regulus masturbated and the fire wore down, he got mortified really quickly about his own behavior. In his room, with no witnesses, it's the only place Regulus allows himself to be embarrassed. He was so easily flustered when he was younger that when Regulus started to change he promised himself he would at least be very good at pretending to be immune to embarrassment, but when he's alone he can be his old self and get flushed and embarrassed by his own actions and this is what happened after that day.

He has no idea why he suggested that to James or why he just shared all of that with him. Why he asked him to stop the car just so he could rant everything to Barty like a fumbling inexperienced idiot. But James makes Regulus stupid and he acts on instinct without thinking about what will make him look more untouchable. He fails so miserably in being cool around James. 

"Too much time," he adds easily. "So how was work? Sirius told me you're editing a huge book."

"Sirius apparently loves to talk about my life to you," he mutters.

"He's a proud brother, he can't stop gloating proudly about you," he smirks at him. "So?"

"Yes," he sighs, "I am editing a book. It's still at the beginning, you might know the author. Amelia Bones?" 

"You editing for Amelia Bones?" He asks, impressed. "I read her book, the one that was a success. Maze of memories."

"That's a good one," he nods, biting his matcha cookie. 

"I cried so much at the conversation of the grandma with the granddaughter at the end," he reveals. Maze of Memories it's a family drama about a lineage of women who went through abusive relationships of all kinds. It's very emotional and beautiful, and was very prized. 

"For me, it was the fight with her mom," Regulus says. "When she begs her daughter to get a divorce and they start screaming about everything the daughter saw growing up."

"That was a good one too," he agrees. "She's releasing a new one this year, isn't she?" 

"Yes, next month. The main character was abandoned by her fiance and he ends up marrying the uglier, lesser sister and she doesn't understand why. It's, again, a family drama but I think it's more than that. Critics are only showering her with praises." 

"Brutal," James comments, faking a shiver. "And the new one? The one you're editing, what is it about?" 

"I can't tell you."

"Why?" He sounds offended.

"Because I signed contracts, James," he deadpans. "One that tells me I can't share the story with a single soul."

"But it's not anyone. It's me." 

Regulus rolls his eyes, but maybe he wants to talk to someone about it. Talk to James about his job and have his attention on him. When James' eyes are on you, you don't want him to pay attention to anyone else.

"Do you have a pen?" 

James looks funny at him, but takes a pen out of his suit pocket, extending to Regulus. He grabs a napkin from the table, scrawling something before passing to James. 

"Sign it."

James grabs the napkin, smiling stupidly while he reads Regulus' words. 

"I, James Potter, promise to the law and to Regulus Black to keep the plot of the book he's working for in secret. If the contract is broken, James Potter should die," he reads. "A little bit extreme don't you think?" 

"You don't have any other option than death," he says. "I'm trusting in you."

"In this case," he mutters amusedly, signing the contract, "Done." 

"Great," he grabs the napkin back, looking at the mess of a sign. "So the book is going to be called Bloodlines and it's huge. Probably eight hundred pages tops."

"Okay," he nods, interested. "What is it about?"

"The male character goes to America for a few months before he assumes the family company, and then he meets the female character, who is poor, has an addicted mom and an alcoholic dad. She desperately wants to get out because she knows that if she stays, she'll always want to fix her parent's shit. They become friends and have casual sex, but they're not in love, mind you," he recounts. "Both of them are very rational, so before he goes away he asks her to marry him and move to Switzerland with him. They're not in love but they have good chemistry and he believes they can have a happy marriage. She's desperate and needs to go away so she agrees. They do end up falling in love and start to think about having a family," James is sitting at the edge of his seat, too much into the story. "But she doesn't want to have biological kids because of her DNA and past. So they decide to adopt kids, but after they adopt their three kids, she gets pregnant. The family is a disaster and the other half of the book it's about the family's problems. It's Amelia, so you can expect a lot of family drama and hurt. We just started and it's already so good, James."

"Why is the family a mess?" He asks, like he needs to know.

"You'll have to read to find out," he smirks. 

"Oh, come on, Reg!" 

"I also don't know," he confesses. "We receive the chapters slowly, not the entire book. Amelia wants to shock us too because that's how we know what's best for the readers and what should be erased. Not even her agent knows about the whole book plot, but it's good." 

"You're privileged to read before anyone else can," he comments, taking a sip of his drink.

"Kind of," he agrees. "But I also need to read critically, make annotations, take some things out and try to make it better," he explains. "It's very meticulous work."

"But you enjoy it," he notices, because of course he realized that. 

"Yeah, I do," he nods, hiding his face behind his cup so James can't see how much Regulus loves what he does. 

James nods, smiling softly almost to himself. 

"What about you?"

"What about me?" He asks back.

"Your job," he clarifies. "What exactly do you do?"

"It varies," he replies. "Sometimes I only need to collect money for my causes, which needs galas and auctions, and, well, socialize with rich people that think giving money to charity it's a good way of using their privilege. But I'm also very present in the making of things. Building shelters, maintaining social projects, making sure things are working and not lacking, these sorts of things." 

"But it's yours, isn't it?" He asks. "Not something your parents passed to you but something you build from nothing."

"Yes," he replies slowly. "I had the money, so it was easier. A lot of nonprofit organizations suffer from the lack of budget and sponsors." 

"It's still impressive," Regulus says thoughtfully. "Are you thinking about staying in philanthropy forever and leaving the family company to someone else?" 

"No," he shakes his head. "I'll be CEO once I turn thirty-five, it's just… I needed to do something good with my money and influence before becoming CEO. I want to keep running the family's business, but I wanted to do something else before that because I know I won't have much time." 

James' great-grandfather started the family's business out of nothing with the help of his brother, a beauty and hair brand that grew in the United Kingdom. The company was passed to James' grandfather, and Monty traveled to Brazil in his twenties to start the brand there and popularize it. It worked, and today Potter's products are a top brand worldwide. It's not necessary to say James is filthy rich. 

James oozes privilege and money, but it's quite hard to see that because he's kind and gentle with others. He doesn't treat people like he's above them and doesn't brag about his money and influence. It's in the small things, like in his Rolex, in his car and Italian suits. In his houses around the globe, his private boarding school years, and very privileged university degree. He doesn't flash his richness but it's everywhere around him. 

Regulus met many rich men in his life, he was very rich once himself, with ancient money that belonged to the Blacks for centuries and never ran dry. He met CEOs, politicians and tycoons. James is the most humble without a doubt. 

"And you built the philanthropist business while Harry was still a baby, didn't you?" He asks. 

"Yes," he agrees, scratching the hair in his nape. "It wasn't easy, but I'm not too proud to confess that Lily and I had a lot of help. We had money. We had my parents and all of our friends. I finished college with online classes and started the company out of nowhere, but I had help, people I hired to make things easier and my father's contacts. I worked hard to make it work but it wasn't only my effort." 

"Still, I've met many men with your type of money and influence who wouldn't do half of the things you did. Who wouldn't donate their money to good causes or try to raise their own kids," he tells him softly. "You're a good man, James. And a very good dad as well."

"I—" He gets speechless, looking at Regulus attentively and with something else in his eyes. Regulus doesn't flatter people freely, so his comment was completely honest. James can have a lot of flaws, but he's undeniably good. "Thank you, Reg."

"Don't mention it," he says awkwardly, not very good at receiving other's gratitude. 

"It was really scary, you know?" He says softly, staring at the table like he can't confess this to Regulus looking at his eyes. "I was so immature and stupid when Lily got pregnant. Like I was going to be forever young and any responsibility shouldn't matter to me. And then I was going to have a baby and I needed to change fast to be a good father. Because that kid would look up to me and count on me. I was so scared of screwing up. I wanted to be a good dad like my dad was, the idea of not raising Harry right scared the hell out of me. Did you know I asked Lily to marry me out of desperation?" 

Regulus laughs. "And how did she react to that?"

"She told me to take a walk and not get on her nerves," he grins. "I was just scared of co-parenting, to be on the bad side of things while Lily was going to be the favorite parent." 

"As far as I can see, you two did fine," Regulus says honestly. "And now you're a good dad with a good business. Plus, you're not a stupid person anymore so thank god you needed to grow up fast because when you were twenty you behaved like you were sixteen still."

"Hey!" He exclaims, offended. 

"Oh, please, James," he scoffs. "I heard the stories. The parties, the alcohol, the tons of lovers. You were a slag in college, and you were so full of yourself."

"You liked all of that," he reminds him. Regulus fights back a groan and blushed cheeks. 

"Not true, you broke my heart when you started dating that girl in your second year," he tells him, looking at everything other than James. "So I was anti-you by the time." He didn't hate James and also didn't get over completely about his crush, but Regulus was going through a more important crisis at the time, so James faded into the background. 

"Did you cry for me, Reg?" He asks, all cheekily and smugly. Regulus wants to punch him. 

"I'm not talking to you about any of that," he tells him. "It's in the past."

"Fine," he agrees easily. "But you're kind of right, I was all of these things. Harry made me change because I wanted to be good for him." 

"You are," he says, knowing it's true. Harry worships his father and in his eyes, James will always be the hero. "Definitely better than my dad."

"The bar it's too low now," he jokes, Regulus chokes in a laugh. 

"Can't argue with that." 

"So…" James starts saying, too casually to seem honest. "How's Benny?" 

"Benjy," Regulus corrects him, fighting back a smile. 

"Right. Benjy. How is he?" He asks again. 

"I don't know," he shrugs. "He asked if I wanted a replay, I told him I wasn't interested and he said it was a shame but if I changed my mind I should text him."

"Are you changing your mind?" 

"I'm not desperate enough to have sex with guys who can't make me come," he blinks at James, munching on the rest of his cookie. "No matter how hot he was."

"I don't believe he was that hot," James huffs. 

"Sirius gave me the green light, do you think my brother would approve of a non-hot person for me?" He arches an eyebrow. 

"Is he hotter than me?" No, Regulus immediately thinks. Not even close. 

"Maybe he was," he taunts him, smirking.

James is a really competitive person, Regulus can tell, and he immediately sits straighter in the chair and puffs out his chest. 

"He wasn't," he immediately says. "He couldn't even make you cum, do you really think he could be hotter than me?" 

"Well, he made me come once, and following your logic, you never did. So he's winning," he grins devilishly at him. 

"I would if I could," he ends up saying. "Three times. With my mouth, my finger and my cock." 

Regulus sighs, almost dreamily, taking a sip of his chai. "If only you could."

"By default, I'm better than him."

"In the land of imagination you might be," he agrees amusedly. "In reality? I would never know. Your words, not mine." 

James looks at him intensely, and Regulus thinks he's imagining it. If they could only say fuck it and do it anyway, not caring about how disastrous it will be after, not caring about Sirius or the awkward tension it would be if they do have sex. 

Regulus had a lot of casual sex throughout his life, but James is not the type of person you can have casual sex with. He's in Regulus' life and will stay in it forever. Regulus knows his parents, his kid. And he knows that if it happens once, the options would be wanting it again or getting tossed to the side wanting to go back and choosing not to do it. It can't be casual with James if Regulus is already in the center of his life, and liking or not, they're sort of friends. How can it be casual between them without ruining everything? 

"You're imagining, aren't you?" Regulus asks quietly.

"You just look very pretty right now," James replies, resting his back on the chair and letting his shoulders drop. "It makes me feel quite dizzy."

He doesn't blush out of principles. "Do you like me better in these clothes rather than my slutty ones?"

"You're pretty in both and you know it," he says casually. 

"Why are you flattering me so much? Do you want something, James?" 

"No, Regulus," he smirks. "I don't."

"Tell me the truth," he asks him, resting his arms on the table. "Why did you call me?"

"I told you, I was around," he repeats. 

"I don't believe in that."

"Maybe you just have trust issues, have you ever thought about that?" He asks him. 

"It's just weird," he tells him. 

"We're friends, I hang out with my friends."

"Oh, so now we're friends," he repeats with a little mockery. 

"I'll explain this to you plain and simple, okay?" He says patiently, like Regulus gets on his nerves but he doesn't allow himself to be annoyed. "You're in Sirius' life daily now, which means you're in my life as well because Sirius is mine."

"That's very gay," he comments. "And he's married."

"You know what I mean," he rolls his eyes. "So whether you like it or not, we're bound to keep meeting. You know your brother, he won't stop inviting you to things and he won't let you isolate yourself. I know the girls are also very happy whenever you're around as well as my parents. You're constant now, Regulus. You were a constant even when you were a kid. And I want to be able to be friends with you without only focusing on the fact that you want to jump on my bones."

"You're so full of yourself," he rolls his eyes. "You also want to jump on my bones, James."

"I'm far more controlled than you," he points out.

"That's not true."

"Be fucking for real, Regulus," he snorts, and Regulus doesn't appreciate that. "You'd let me fuck you on this table right now without thinking about anything else."

"Not on this table," he denies. "I'm not up to having sex with an audience or being arrested by public indecency. Already happened once and it wasn't nice."

"I'm sorry what?" He blinks surprised. "You were arrested for public indecency?" He sounds shocked. 

"You can't tell Sirius," he says immediately. "I was eighteen and fucking on a car. It wasn't a big deal."

"I— You know what? Whatever. My point is, we need to work it out on the tension. Remus realized already, we don't want other people noticing, do we?" 

"No," he agrees. "We don't." Because it would be very embarrassing for Regulus people noticing he wants to fuck the guy who was his childhood crush. "But this is your idea? Hanging out with me when it's only the both of us? Do you realize how stupid that is?"

"Are you telling me you can't control yourself?" He grins, so full of himself. Like Regulus is this brainless person around James. 

"I can," he says, annoyed. "I'm not that desperate for you, you know? I could fuck anyone I want if I wish so, I could just walk to that table," he points at a table with a guy working on his computer with headphones, "Smile to that guy and have him fucking me on the bathroom sink."

"Look at that, the claws are out already," he grins again. "You get so angry when I suggest you actually want me, even if you do." 

It's not a secret Regulus does, but when James says it, it feels like it's only on Regulus' side. Like he's still too young and James finds his interest in him endearing once more. Even if there's nothing innocent in what he wants to do with James. It makes him feel vulnerable, like his desires are displayed for anyone to see including James himself. Like it was before. 

"Your point, James," he goes back to the topic of the conversation. 

"My point is, we need to learn how to deal with the things we can't have," he shrugs. "And maybe spending time together will worsen the problem, but we're going to be in public places so there's no harm. Plus, I like talking to you." 

He likes talking to James too and that's the problem. Regulus wanted him to be only a hot body he wanted to fuck, but it's more than that with James. He likes hearing about his life, about Harry and making him laugh. He likes answering his questions and having him around. Being friends would be so easy, but the fact that Regulus desires James ruins everything else. 

"And do you really think we can't just keep it the way it is?" 

"Remus noticed," he repeats. "I literally touched your cunt," he reminds him. "We can't keep going on like this, can we?"

"I'm not good with restraint," he confesses. "I'm not sure this is a good idea." 

"We should try nonetheless," he says. "I don't want to lose the opportunity of becoming your friend because of that." 

Regulus is not sure if he can do it. He can control himself, obviously, but there's tension between him and James. Regulus' body gets hot when he's around, he loses his common sense and gets addicted to the thrill of having James staring at him, wanting him, flirting with him. Aching for a touch, a kiss that will never come and a hold that's only possible in his dreams. He doesn't know if he can mix that with friendship. 

Regulus has been friends with benefits before, with both Barty and Evan, but it was never like this with them. With them, sex was just a funny, yet enjoyable, trick of their friendship. When you need a favor and they were just there being hot and willing. Regulus didn't feel tension with them, wasn't addicted to their attention, or daydreamed about them. It was almost too clinical, he wanted to get off, they were there, and when it was over he barely thought much about it other than it was good. 

He was never friends with someone he wanted that badly and pathetically. 

It's a bad idea and Regulus knows it. He was already here before. He talked to himself about this already. He told himself over and over again that James Potter was better away from him. Somewhere Regulus can't think of him or see him, just a faded memory in his brain. 

Yet, he also finds himself being weak for James. For his earnest thought and desire to make things work, because he didn't lie, Regulus will be around for eternity. They can't ignore each other unless Regulus goes back to France and keeps a country distancing them. 

Maybe he's being too dramatic about it but Regulus was always good at overthinking. At tiring his brain with possibilities. He can't just live in the moment without fearing the worst, and the possibilities with James can be good but also disastrous. 

Wanting or not, Regulus knows the best decision should be to fix this unbearable thing with James. Be friends with him and not cross the line. Manage his own desire for him and fill his needs somewhere else. Regulus can do that, he got over men he was much more involved with. James is nothing compared to that. 

"Fine," he finds himself saying. "Let's try, and if it's awful and we can't bear it, let's just keep avoiding each other until we know the desire has cooled off." 

"Alright," he smiles. "Let's do it." 

Regulus feels like he's making a huge mistake. To be James' friend means to know him, and by doing that, there's also the possibility of Regulus liking him more than just a simple fuck he wants to have. He wishes he was much tougher and more resilient than he truly is, but Regulus is often caught in bad places because he gets too caught up in the fantasies he makes up in his head. There's also the problem of being known by James as well, by ending up being hated by him or pitied. 

Though almost unbearable, their dynamic allowed Regulus safety. With James close, Regulus fears he'll be left unprotected from all sides. 

But fuck it. He's doing this. 

James Potter went from a barely there person to a possible friend. Regulus hopes he won't regret this. 

For reasons that Regulus doesn't want to think about, he agreed to go to the movies with James. Normally, going to the movies with someone means it's a date, but not with James. It's just a friendly thing he invited Regulus to, platonically. Because there's nothing more platonic than going to the movies to watch a horror film together, is there? 

Regulus is really not trying to think too much about it. 

Evan told him James was being an indecisive asshole, Barty said that he should give him a blowjob in the cinema and Pandora said she thought being friends was actually a good idea because the opposite of that was disastrous already. His friends were never known to give good advice. 

He's almost ready when James rings his intercom, and Regulus tells him he can get up, since friends do that and all. 

When he opens his door, he almost wants to close it again. James is gorgeous. Wearing a brown leather jacket, white t-shirt and perfect jeans that hug his legs deliciously. He's also smelling good, like good good. It makes Regulus want to sink his nose in his throat and never leave. 

"Hi," he smiles at him.

"Hi," he swallows dryly. "Come on in, I just need to change super quickly."

"Take your time, we're early," he says easily, getting inside of Regulus' flat. 

He looks around, almost impressed by how the flat changed in the couple of months Regulus has been living here. The living room consists of a couch, armchair and TV on top of a wooden TV stand with records decorating the shelves. Plus Regulus' bookshelf, which is too small, the reason why there are books piled in the corner of the room. Besides that, there's Regulus' study table in front of the big window in the living room, close to the back of the sofa, which is also a mess with his computer open and a scented candle burning. He was working before he started to get ready to get out. 

Regulus doesn't have a dining room, just a small circled table in his small kitchen, but he's proud of the green cabinets he managed to put there. 

"Wow," James mutters. "Your place looks nice."

"Thanks," he replies, awkwardly. Nix jumps out of the window frame and rubs his body on James' legs, purring in the process. He's an attention whore, but every time someone tries to touch him, he bites them. Regulus feels seen, his cat it's almost his best friend these days. 

"Oh, hello," James says with a pitched voice. 

"Careful with him," he warns him. "He's actually a little devil, he bit Sirius the last time he was here." 

"But he's so cute, Reg," James coos, picking Nix up, only to get scratched and have him climbing James' arm and jumping off his shoulder. "Ouch."

"Told you," he smiles. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be waiting," he grins amusedly. 

Regulus goes back to his room only to put on white trousers and a black sweater that shows his collarbones. It's getting colder now that autumn it's just a few weeks away and Regulus is excited because he loves autumn. 

When he gets back, he is surprised by the scene in front of him. Because James is reading the names of his books by the spine. He looks at Regulus when he shows up from the hallway, stopping the movement of his hand and staring immediately at Regulus' collarbones. 

It's almost pathetic, how hot Regulus feels his body becoming and how self-aware he is of the skin showing. He has small, tiny dots above his right collarbone, almost on his shoulder, Sirius' constellation, and Sirius has his in the same spot, on his left side. Regulus knows his collarbones are pretty, but the way James is looking at them it's almost dirty. 

"Found something interesting?" Regulus asks, trying to take the focus out of him because he's not supposed to get naked and let James lick his collarbones. They're supposed to be friends. 

"Yes, actually," he ends up saying, blinking and shaking his head a bit, like he's trying to clean his head of dirty thoughts. James reaches for a book, taking it off and showing the beaten, old cover to Regulus. He feels his cheeks getting warm. "You still have it."

When Regulus was twelve, close to his birthday, James asked him what his favorite book was. Regulus, thinking he was such a cool and different pre-teen, told James it was the Picture of Dorian Gray (It was actually Percy Jackson). He asked James what was his, and he said it was The Hour of the Star, a Brazilian book. Regulus didn't know what book that was, and James just smiled at him and said it was a good one. 

So on his thirteenth birthday, James gave him a copy of the book. It was the first present he ever got that wasn't from Sirius or Remus, and it came from James, which means Regulus blushed a lot, treated the book like it was something sacred and read it five times, so when James asked him if he liked, he could point out everything he remembered about it. 

It was one of the few things he grabbed before running away from his house. 

"Yeah," he grumbles. 

James opens it, smiling almost fondly reading the dedication he wrote on the first page. Regulus knows from memory, it says, I hope you like it. Warmly, James. X . 

Regulus blushed like an idiot every time he read the X. 

"It's all annotated," he notices, looking at Regulus again. 

"It's a good one," he manages to say, feeling oddly embarrassed that James now knows that Regulus kept the book. It feels worse than James knowing Regulus had a crush on him. "I read others from her. Água Viva, it's one of my favorites."

"I never read this one."

"There's a quote I love," he says softly. "I'm restless and harsh and despairing. Although I do have love inside of me. I just don't know how to use love. Sometimes it tears at my flesh like barbs."

"Sou inquieta e áspera e desesperançada. Embora amor dentro de mim eu tenha. Só que eu não sei como usar o amor. As vezes me arranha a pele como se fossem farpas," he says. "That's probably how it is in Portuguese." 

Regulus hates hearing James talking in Portuguese, it makes him even hotter. His voice gets huskier, deeper. His vowels are stronger than in English and he pronounces the words with confidence. He wonders if James curses in portuguese during sex, but shakes the thought quickly because, well, friends. 

"Portuguese it's a nice language to hear," he says. "Well, I quite like Clarice's works, so thanks for introducing to me."

"It surprises me that you still have the book though," he points out. "I thought you lost it."

"I brought it with me when I ran away from home," he confesses, hating how stupid he sounds. 

"Why?"

"You know why, James," he grunts, walking to him and taking the book out of his hand. "Plus, it was the first present I ever got that didn't belong to Sirius or Remus. Most things I put inside my bag were presents. Things I couldn't replace and didn't want to forget." 

"I'm glad you kept it," he says quietly, looking at him intently. "Really."

"Whatever," he brushes him off, forcing himself to not think about what that means. Regulus puts the book in the same place.

"Why editing?" James suddenly asks, so close to Regulus he can feel his voice on his skin. He smells better this close, something husky and menly, like sandalwood and black pepper. 

"What?" He asks, caught off guard. 

"I couldn't stop thinking about this," he says, and Regulus turns his body to stare at him. "You always loved books, so why editing? Why not a book critic, literature major or even reading the books to be published? Why editing of all things?" 

"Because I like it," he replies, dumbfounded that James thought about it. "I like reading things knowing that I can make them better. That I just don't ruin things and can make others better. Plus, I'm very good at it."

"Are you?" 

"Yes," he blinks. "I thought about becoming an author before that."

"Really?" He doesn't sound surprised. "Why didn't you?"

"I can't take criticism," he confesses. "If I received one bad comment about it, I would never be able to write it again, so I gave up. Started to edit in college in a club my favorite teacher started and fell in love. It was between edition or translation, but translation it's much harder and I wasn't that good at it." 

James nods, like it all makes sense to him and Regulus doesn't really get how this could be relevant. The idea that James is curious about Regulus the same way Regulus is about him it's almost unbelievable, so he doesn't let himself believe in it. That James really spared his time thinking about such a frivolous thing about Regulus. 

"Can we go now?" Regulus asks, wanting to get out of his flat because he feels it's too small of a place to be around James. He needs more people around them, more space, more noises to hear like the world is big enough and James Potter is not this enormous presence that engulfs Regulus completely and drives him insane. 

"Sure," he agrees, staring at Regulus like he's searching for something. Always trying to get deeper and deeper when it's about Regulus. It's almost annoying, he wants to bear himself open to him and hide all the same. 

Regulus doesn't give him the opportunity to keep staring, turning his back to him and walking to the door, away from James and his prying eyes. 

Surprisingly enough, the ride to the cinema it's almost easy. They talk about casual things, like how crazy Sirius is being about his new collection and the fact that Harry can sing all of the Lion King songs in his sleep. Regulus tells James about Emmeline and Emma, and he agrees with Regulus about the whole sexual tension thing. James tells him about Sybil, his right arm in the philanthropy world and the reason James is still sane, telling Regulus all about his organizations and programs and the upcoming fall gala that will happen in October. They don't flirt, which is progress, but Regulus' thoughts are full of James.

His smell, the veins in his hands when he holds the wheel, the cross golden necklace he tucks under his shirt and the mole under his eye. He can't stop paying attention to James and imagining him leaning and kissing Regulus until he's out of breath, reaching to touch the inside of his thighs and slipping his hand inside of his trousers again. It's easy but it's also torture. Regulus' fingers are tingling to touch James and his breath hitches slightly every time James does something hot, like driving with one hand or touching his hair. 

Regulus will die from this. He's sure of it. 

When they arrive, Regulus is slightly surprised. It's not a normal cinema, but a vintage one in Notting Hill, with white wallpapers and red seats. It's a very fancy place for just a friendly night out, but Regulus doesn't say any of that. He lets James buy him popcorn and ice cream, and steals some of his nachos when he's not looking, letting him eat some of his ice cream when he shares his brownie with Regulus. 

It's nice and comfortable. They sit side by side and whisper hushedly to each other, and when Regulus laughs quietly at James jumping from getting scared, he barely thinks about how much he wants him carnally, which is a dangerous territory because it makes Regulus think about other things. About how funny James is, how he lets Regulus drink his coke even if he said he didn't want to drink anything, how he laughs at Regulus' dry comments and how his eyes shine under the low lights. 

When the movie ends, Regulus feels a little flutter in the pit of his stomach and he hates it. Hates with a passion. 

"When you said we were going to the cinema, I thought it was going to be a normal one," Regulus comments when they're walking back to the car. James parked a few blocks away from the cinema because it was too crowded. 

"I love this place," James tells him. "It's not actually low profile or anything, but I love it nonetheless. Did you like it?"

"Yes," he replies honestly, nodding. "The seats were comfy."

"They are," he laughs. 

"In France, me and my friends used to go to the movies almost every week," he tells him, smiling a bit remembering about it. Sometimes they watched horrible movies high or tipsy from cheap wine and Regulus would have fun no matter how sad he was. They were always good at putting a smile on his face. 

"Every week?" He sounds impressed.

"Yeah," he confirms. "Sometimes at odd hours and we watched some really bad films, but it was fun. Pandora had a journal where she put our tickets on every page with the film's name. Not anymore, though. She said she was going to stop if I wasn't going to be there."

"Doesn't bother you?" He asks. "That they're all there and you're here?"

"Of course it does," he replies quietly. "Sometimes I realize how their lives are happening without me there and I almost go back. But I can't ask them to stop living because of me." 

It's lonely sometimes, because all of them are still together in the same place while Regulus is dealing with new things by himself. He won't be part of the small moments, he won't hear Barty's loud laugh, won't hear Pandora's drunk stories or go shopping with Evan while he talks shit about everything. When they go out all together it's worse, because it feels like they're creating new memories without Regulus and he won't ever be part of them. Regulus sometimes thinks that maybe they never needed him that much, but then one of his friends will call him, send him a long voice note telling him about their days and he will feel better, because even a few miles away, they'll always think about Regulus like Regulus thinks about them. 

"I think you're very brave," James says quietly, stopping in front of a lamppost. "For leaving. I could never leave everyone I love and go somewhere else."

"It's different for you," Regulus shakes his head. "Everyone who's important to you is here. Not just your friends but your family, your kid and his mother. You couldn't leave because your life would fall apart if you did. I knew they were going to be fine if I moved out and I had Sirius here. I wasn't going to be alone." 

"It doesn't change the fact you're brave," he repeats. "You left a whole life behind to chase a new one. It takes courage to do that."

"It is quite scary," Regulus confesses almost in a whisper. It's scary that he lives by himself, that his choices are his own and that the world it's still too big. It's scary that his friends are in another country as well as his past. But so far, Regulus has been brave enough to live through it. Change is scary, but it can be quite alright as well. 

"Tell me about them."

"About who?"

"Your friends," he clarifies. 

Regulus smiles. It's his favorite topic after all. 

"Pandora was the first one," he starts saying, going back to walking with James promptly following him. "I was the foreigner, weird, trans kid who frowned too much and had a very rusty french. She was weird too, but in an extroverted kind of way. She never stops herself from saying odd shit and I thought she was charming for that. I didn't have friends and people were wary of her, but when she talked to me we just clicked, you know?" He tells him, remembering Pandora sitting by his side on a bench with band-aids on her knees and a gap between her teeth.

She pointed at his necklace and said she liked it, showing Regulus the ring she made herself with a lavender stone. Regulus was awkward and still shy and the only friend he ever had was his brother and brother-in-law, so he just said thanks, your ring is cool. Pandora smiled then, and Regulus remembers looking at her quite amazed because Pandora was disturbing when she smiled, but kind nonetheless. She said, we should be friends. And Regulus said, I don't know how to have friends. After ten minutes, they were friends. 

"Then there was Evan, he's Pandora's twin so it was inevitable, they're thick as thieves so even if he hated me, he would need to accept me," he snorts. "He didn't. Evan said he knew he liked me after I made a suicide joke which was disturbing but fun. He was much quieter than his sister but weird just the same. And then there was Barty. Russian born with an Italian dad. Whenever Evan went, Barty was by his side. They date now, but they didn't date when we became friends. Barty is a mess, honestly. He curses too much, smokes too much, has many tattoos and it's completely shameless. We're nothing alike but he's my best friend." 

Regulus remembers how people were scared of Evan and Barty, how they used to get into fights and how they taught Regulus how to throw a punch. He remembers them being rebellious, Evan because he thought rules were beneath him and Barty because he needed to piss his father off. He remembers the emotional moments, when Evan's father cut Pandora out of the family and Evan got so mad he cried and when Barty's babushka died and he lost the last piece of his mother that wasn't him. Maybe they're not conventional people with a conventional friendship, but they're Regulus' family and he won't ever be ashamed of them. He loves them the way they are, troublesome, weird and crazy. 

"They sound like a fun bunch," James chuckles. "What do they do?" 

"Pandora is a chemist, she works in some beauty brand. Barty is a tattoo artist and Evan… Well, Evan is a trust fund baby."

"That's his occupation? Really?" James sounds amused.

"Yes," he nods, snorting. "He's a billionaire, so."

"His father is a billionaire, you mean."

"No. Evan is the billionaire."

"I— He's twenty-two, right?" James asks, Regulus nods. "So, how?" 

"It's a long story," he smiles.

"I have time," James tells him, stopping by his car and unlocking the doors. 

Regulus gets inside of the car and buckles his seat belt, waiting for James to start the car before he starts telling him. 

"Do you know who the Rosiers are in France?" He asks.

"Not a clue, but apparently very rich."

"Yes. They owned half of the news channels in France, it has been in the family for generations so they were all very rich nonetheless," he explains. 

"Okay," he nods. "But how did your friend become a millionaire by himself?" 

"Pandora is trans," he tells him, knowing Pandora wouldn't care about Regulus sharing this with James. "Before she came out, she was her father's favorite to be the next CEO in the family. Evan was never the chosen one because Evan does whatever the fuck he wants. He could never be a CEO, he doesn't have the patience or the taste for it. Pandora was always more obedient than him, so she was the chosen one. But after she came out, her father cut her out of the family, leaving only Evan."

"What a piece of shit," James comments. "And everything went to Evan?"

"Not really, he had his trust fund, of course, but it was only that. Evan got really mad with his father but he was also good at payback. So he pretended he wanted the company."

"And his father believed in him?" He sounds doubtful.

"Evan is a very good actor," he says amusedly. "It's almost scary. Anyway, his father fell for it and Evan spent fucking two years learning the way of the company, pretending he was interested in it. He even started a business major." 

"I'm invested."

"Well, after being a perfect heir for months, his father finally allowed him to play CEO for a while, to make sure Evan was going to do some good at the position. He was old, mind you, divorced and very serious about his company, so he wanted a way out to relax. Evan knew that, so in the six months he was CEO, he was fucking perfect. He made the shares rise, everyone loved him and thought he was a godsend person, shareholders and business partners thought he was charming and the perfect son for the position. His father was proud of him, he believed in Evan's worth, so he signed the papers and passed everything to Evan as the next CEO. He moved to Monaco to enjoy life and all of that, and that's when Evan started to fuck everything up."

Evan hated to work at the company, of course. He was always pissed, always mad at his father and always snappy, but he took his revenge in the name of Pandora very seriously. His father rejected her because of the family legacy, the company and their reputation was everything their father cared about and Evan decided to destroy it. Regulus envied him and Barty wanted to have the patience to do the same to his father. Pandora thought Evan was being juvenile and wasting his time, but she was touched he was willing to put himself through all of that just to fuck the family company and their name. 

"After Evan was officially the CEO, a very young one, he started to fuck up. He made bad decisions. He was a piece of shit to everyone. He fucked up business partnerships. He made the shares fall and was always involved in bad gossip. The citizens were pissed. They even protested in front of the company building claiming they were Rosier pigs. It was a whole thing and the board was desperate to get rid of Evan. So Evan found someone who wanted to buy the family business, and he sold it for a very few billion. The board wanted him out so everyone was in favor of the transfer."

"What about his father?" James asks, sounding impressed.

"Came back from Monaco, of course," he laughs. "He was more than mad. He wanted to kill Evan. Everything their family did for the company and Evan put all of that to the ground out of revenge for his sister. They fought about it, obviously, and he tried to stab Evan."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Yup. With a butter knife, but still," he shrugs. "Barty was there, so he broke the old man's nose. One day after, the old Rosier had a heart attack, and he didn't have time to take Evan out of his will so he became a double billionaire because everything was passed to him." 

"He died?" He sounds shocked.

"Probably from disgust," Regulus tells him. "It wasn't a major loss, no one liked him. He was a bad man."

"I think I'm a little scared of your friend," he confesses. 

"You should," he laughs. "Evan looks normal but he's diabolical, don't let Barty distract you from him." 

"Barty is just as bad?" He wonders. 

Regulus would say they're the same, but in different fonts. Barty shows his craziness up front to make you uneasy and dares you to go up against him, Evan is more silent. He will smile at you and be charming, but he won't flinch about being just as crazy as Barty if he wants to be. They fight their battles differently, Evan likes the long game and resolutions far more physiological than physical, but Barty is quick in fighting back and he likes the blood. You wouldn't want to mess with either of them.  

"Barty is Barty," he replies. "You'll know he's trouble as soon as you see him." 

"Lovely." 

Regulus laughs, and the rest of the ride goes smoothly and comfortably. They share opinions about the movie they watched and Regulus starts sharing his secret love for slash films. 

It's almost annoying how easy it is to talk to James, honestly. Regulus learned how to communicate better with people, it's true, but even if he was still awkward with talking, he knows James would have no problem in making him comfortable. When Regulus talks to him, he feels like what he's saying really matters, which pisses him off because it makes it difficult to try to keep his mouth shut. Regulus wanted so badly for James to be an asshole because then he would have a reason to stay the fuck away, but he doesn't and he only wants to get closer and closer. 

It's dangerous. 

When James parks in front of his building, he says, "See, we managed."

"Managed what?" Regulus asks, stopping the movement of taking his seat belt off. 

"Be friends," he replies with a smile. "We did just fine."

Not in Regulus' mind, which was mostly filled with dirty thoughts, but James doesn't need to know that. 

"I guess we did." 

"So you agree we can," he says. "Be friends, that's it."

"If I say no you'll just try to prove me wrong," he rolls his eyes. "Yes, James. I think we can be friendly with each other."

"It sounds offensive when you say it." Regulus laughs despite himself. 

"I'm getting in," he says. "Thanks for the ride, and the cinema. It was nice."

"Sure thing, Reg," he smiles softly at him. Regulus likes the view but hates it at the same time. "Good night."

"Good night, James." 

Being James' friend wasn't exactly on his plans, but Regulus thinks they're doing it anyway. Because annoyingly so, it's just easy to be his friend, Regulus liking it or not. 

Chapter Text

"—And then he held my waist, which really wasn't necessary because there was space for him, you know? So why did he have to grab my waist?!" Regulus asks rather passionately and pissedly. 

Pandora and Barty are looking unimpressed at him from the screen of his iPad, because at this point, Regulus has been talking about James for the past hour. Not just about James but about their friendship. 

Regulus never had a friendship that made him so horny. 

"He really likes to tease, huh?" Barty comments, absently stroking Evan's hair, who's sleeping with his head in his lap, his legs disappearing from Regulus' view. "I might say, this friendship of yours looks kind of gay to me, and I used to suck Evan's dick when we were just friends."

"I just don't get it," he grunts frustratedly. "Like, he's always texting me and sending me selfies or Harry photos. Yesterday he sent me a picture of a black cat sock and wrote "thought about you," what does that mean?" 

"You're being very brave about this, Reg," Pandora says supportively, like Regulus is going through rehab or something. 

"And the thirsty traps," he hides his face in his hands. "He sent me a picture at the gym, all sweaty, with very short shorts and a compression shirt."

"And what did you do?" Barty asks, curious. 

"Sent him a picture after yoga with my waist showing, naturally."

"That's my babe," Barty nods in agreement. 

"But it's not only that," Regulus adds. "He does other weird stuff too that doesn't make sense, like, he asked if I was free to have a coffee with him and I told him I couldn't because I needed to take Nix to the vet, and he just offered himself to go with me. To the vet." 

If it was one of his friends doing this with him, it would be something normal. There were countless times when they would accompany each other to boring, normal stuff, going to do the groceries, going to the doctor, buying underwear, this sort of thing. But James is a busy person, he has a fucking company to manage, he has other friends, friends that are way more important than Regulus, he has a kid. Yet, he still went out with Regulus, buying him lunch, showing up at the end of Regulus' meetings with a chai latte in his hand and a grin on his face, accompanying Regulus to places and asking about his day. Texting him every day even when he was really busy and just being overly nice. 

Regulus knows what friendship means, but he wasn't expecting James to be that friendly. 

And it's worse because the more James acts like this, the more Regulus starts craving for it. He gets giddy with the texts, excited about seeing James again and wants to tell him things about his day. He finds new coffee shops and restaurants and thinks about going there with James, he sends him spotify links and talks about the books he's reading and it's just really fucking dangerous. 

Because the desire for James didn't go anywhere, but all these new things involving him are being smashed together inside of Regulus and now James is in a lot of his thoughts, when before, he could push the thought of James away. 

"Are you crushing on him?" Pandora asks the ticking bomb question. The one Regulus didn't dare to think about, because how embarrassing it would be if he did have a crush on James again ten years later? Regulus was supposed to be better, wiser, and crushing James at twenty-two just won't do. 

"I want to fuck him," he says very slowly. "And I might be a little infatuated with him, yes."

"So, a crush," Pandora replies. 

"Not a crush," he groans. 

"Yes, Reg, keep denying," Barty supports him. 

"Don't help him enable his feelings," Pandora lectures him. 

"But, Dora," he points at the screen aggressively. "Look at him, he's helpless! The guy is being nice and he's already melting like an idiot, he needs to be stronger than that."

Taking advice from Barty is something Regulus shouldn't do, but Barty does know a thing or two about being stronger than that, the only person he ever allowed to be soft for is Evan, which prevented him from having his heart broken tons of times. 

And it's not like Regulus is thinking far ahead for heartbreak to happen, but Barty might be right about Regulus needing to be stronger. Because if James really meant that he's never touching Regulus, his crush on him would just be something embarrassing. 

James does want Regulus, he can see it from miles away. He stares at him when Regulus is not paying attention, his hand brushes against his thighs when they're sitting close and he's definitely sending thirst traps to Regulus or at least intending to, which James is really smooth about. But he's not melting as Barty put it. He's simply being James, and Regulus fears that when James is being James, it's not only his pussy that feels it but all the rest of him. 

Regulus hates it with a passion. 

"I need to be fucked," Regulus declares. "Good."

"Not this again," Pandora laments. "You already went on enough dates, Reg, and we know too much already to understand that british man should just die." 

She's not entirely wrong. Regulus went on three dates this past month, one of them asked him about his shoe size, the other thought that just because he lived in France, he was up to fuck him and his friend because, you know, menage a trois, and Regulus got really mad about the whole thing and wished Barty was around to punch him for Regulus. And the third guy was obsessed with gym and calories and spent forty minutes talking about his training schedule, which made Regulus want to take his eyeballs off with the fork. 

"I'm talking to this guy that seems promising enough," he tells them. "And he doesn't seem like a weirdo, so."

"Let me see him," Barty asks, already excited with the prospect of judging men. 

Regulus sends his photo on the group chat. 

Avery is three years older than Regulus, he's an attorney and very hot. He's also honest about stuff, telling Regulus promptly that he only wants sex and has a fling with another person as well, which Regulus was fine with because he just wants a stable booty call. 

"Ohh, he's hot," Barty comments, analyzing the picture. Avery is a pretty boy, with green eyes and dark hair. Not really Regulus' usual type but he was conventionally attractive and he just wanted someone decent who knows how to fuck. Avery looks like he knows how to fuck Regulus and their sexting was exciting at least. "Dick pic?" 

"I'm not sending you his dick," he deadpans. "But very satisfying." 

"Go for it," he nods, agreeing. 

"He has nice eyes," Pandora comments pensively.

"He has nice abs," Barty adds. "Are you sure he's not a freak?"

"He's an attorney, so," he shrugs. 

"Definitely a freak then," Barty snorts. "When are you meeting him?" 

"Friday night," he sighs. "If it doesn't work out I'm giving up."

"I told you british men were disgusting," Barty tells him. "You should've listened to me." 

"I'm british, Barty."

"You know what I mean," he rolls his eyes. 

Evan moves in Barty's lap, and Barty looks down at him with gentle eyes dripping with love. Regulus wouldn't say he wants what they have because they're fucking crazy, but he kind of wants the type of undying love they hold for each other. 

"Is Regulus still talking about daddy Potter?" He asks with a husky, low voice. 

"Nah, he's now talking about his new Grindr hottie," Barty grins at him. 

Evan hums. "Then I'm going back to sleep." And he turns his head to Barty's stomach and ignores them. Regulus thinks he should feel offended. 

"Enough about me, tell me about you guys," he asks, falling back to his mattress and putting the iPad to the side of his face. 

"Pandora banged a freak with Xeno," Barty starts telling him and while he recounts the story, Regulus tries not to think how James would laugh about the whole thing. 

This is getting annoying, Regulus Black refuses to have another crush on James Potter. He refuses. 

It's not a lot of people who know this, but Sirius started to sew because of Regulus. 

Regulus was a six-year-old kid who already had everything he wanted, so when he wanted things money couldn't buy he would ask them to his big brother. 

He was always making up crazy stuff in his head, having an imaginative mind and all that, and once he told Sirius he wanted a black wedding dress for one of his Barbies. 

Sirius had no idea how to do a fucking wedding dress for a doll, but Regulus wanted one, so Sirius learned how to sew so he could make Regulus happy. 

The dress was quite ugly, but Regulus didn't care because Sirius made it for him. So this was the first time Sirius learned how to use thread and needle to make a dress, and after that, he kind of liked the idea and started to make tons of doll clothes to practice. The designing came later, but if it weren't for Regulus, who knows what Sirius might be doing now. 

So that's why he's in Sirius' personal atelier on the second floor of his store, sitting on a stool while he eats all of Sirius' cherries and watches his brother sewing a blouse. London Fashion Week will happen in a few weeks and Sirius is driving himself half-mad with the perfect collection. Regulus wears a lot of his brother's clothes so he knows it will be perfect, Sirius' brand normally does androgynous, punk-slutty clothes and Regulus loves it. According to Sirius, his clothes are like if Vivienne Westwood and Bottega Veneta had a gay kid, whatever that means. 

"Do you have everything ready?" Regulus wonders. Sirius runs his brand like the navy, though his marketing team does most stuff for the brand and he has other seamstresses, everything passes through him before and after. 

"The casting will happen a few days before the runaway," he explains, eyebrows frowning while he keeps sewing. "We need to finish some things, but we're not on a tight schedule. You're coming to the runaway show, right?" 

"Of course," he nods. He never went to one of Sirius' runaway shows, and Sirius was never that big enough to go to Paris Fashion Week, so there's that. Regulus did go to one fashion week in Paris because Evan is a snob like that, and because of his father's name, he managed to get inside easily. The after-party was nicer and Regulus fucked one fashion designer in the bathroom. 

"There will be an after-party to rub elbows with some rich people, I might get some free invitations."

"Take your other friends, I'll be fine," he says easily. "I already went to one of those."

"What? When?" He asks surprised, only now taking his eyes off the shirt. "With who?"

"Evan can get inside of anywhere in that country," he snorts. "It wasn't that hard." 

"How old were you?" His left eye twitches a bit. 

Regulus rolls his eyes. "Nineteen."

"Regulus! Those parties are full of drugs, you shouldn't be there at nineteen," he grimaces. 

"You were at parties full of drugs at nineteen," he says unimpressed. "I know you did drugs at nineteen."

"Marlene told you that, didn't she?" He grunts. 

"Yeah," he grins. Marlene loves to talk about things Sirius did and Regulus didn't know about it. "She also told me about the day you and Remus fucked in a dark alley high on molly. And look at that, you were nineteen."

"I hate when Marlene ruins my responsible big brother image."

"I still think you're responsible even if you used to get high on molly, Sirius," he laughs. "Anyway, I'm good without going to the party, it will be full of rich pricks anyway." Sirius seems to be thinking of something. "What? Spill it out."

"It's nothing, it's just…" He seems to be thinking about his words carefully. "You're going out a lot with James, aren't you?" 

Regulus knew James wasn't keeping it a secret. After all, they're not doing anything wrong by being friends so why would he? But it irks him a bit that Sirius is mentioning it, because it makes it seem like it's something bigger than it is. 

"Yes, we're friends," he blinks at him. "Why? Are you jealous I'm going to steal your bestie?" 

"You could never steal James from me," he shows him his tongue, so mature. "But it's just… odd."

"Because I'm younger?" He feels his stomach churning. 

"No, because you used to have a fat crush on him," he replies unbothered. 

Regulus feels his cheeks getting warm against his will and groans in response. 

"Can we not?" 

"But Reggie," he says with amusement.

"I was twelve!" He tries to defend himself. 

"You're twenty-two now, so tell me, what's going on?" Sirius asks, but he doesn't really show his real feelings about the whole thing. 

"Nothing," he replies. "We're really just friends and James is nice, plus, I don't have friends around here so I think he's just being kind."

"That's it?" He arches a perfect eyebrow. 

"And he's also hot as fuck." Sirius scowls a bit. "You asked."

"But you're not head over heels again, are you?" He asks again like he needs the confirmation.

Regulus wishes people would stop asking if he has a crush on James or not, he likes to think he's not that pathetic. 

"No," he rolls his eyes, biting one more cherry to have something to do. "I'm not stupid, you know? I'm a grown man, I know how to handle things."

"I know," Sirius says almost softly. "It's just… I don't want you hurting yourself, that's all."

"I only wish I could sit on his dick one of those days, it's not that deep," he says nonchalantly. Sirius groans. 

"Stop being so crude!" 

"I know you see James naked all the time, so tell me, is he big?" He asks with a smirk. 

"Shut up, Regulus," his brother grimaces. "We can talk about sex, but we cannot talk about my best friend and sex."

"It wasn't about sex, it was about his—"

"Quiet," he cuts him off, pointing a needle in his direction like a silent threat. 

"But really, though," Regulus sobers up a bit. "I don't have a crush on James, we're just friends and he likes paying stuff for me." 

"Alright," he mutters. 

"Would it be that bad, though?" Regulus asks, biting his lower lip without knowing where this will go. "If I had a crush on him or whatever?"

"It would be bad, but not that bad because at least I know James," Sirius says slowly. "And I know he wouldn't be an asshole about it. But… he's older, Regulus, he's also my best friend, it's not like you could just fuck him and go on about your day. It was cute when you were a kid but now it was just going to be… messy." 

Regulus knows his brother has a point. It would be messy, but a part of Regulus wants to argue back. Say that maybe it wouldn't be and Sirius can't know that, but if he did he would've to explain why he's being so defensive and Sirius would catch on something. 

"It wasn't cute," it's all he replies. 

"It was," he grins. "You would get all red and stumble on your words, you normally were so grumpy, but James would say hi and you would get all shy. It was endearing."

"Kill yourself."

"Don't be like that, Reggie," he laughs loudly. 

"Let's just change the subject, please," he grunts.

"Fine, fine," he smiles. "But you can tell me, okay? If something changes."

"It won't," he says. "But sure."

"Anyway, you should come to dinner Saturday," Sirius invites him, going back to his blouse.

"This Saturday?" 

"Yes."

"Can't."

He lifts his head again. "What do you mean, you can't?" 

"I have a date," he blinks at him. 

Sirius is aware of Regulus' failed dates, at least some of them, Regulus likes to entertain his brother with how bad the dating scene is, and as a married man, Sirius finds it funny. 

This time, though, Regulus doesn't. He won't have a funny story to amuse his brother because he's going on his second date with Avery. 

The first date was quite promising, Avery was even hotter in person and it was really easy to talk to him. They had a snog session in his car before he dropped Regulus off, and Saturday they're probably going to fuck, which Regulus is hoping will be mind-blowing. 

"With who?" Sirius asks with interest.

"A guy I met on Grindr, who's not a freak, apparently, and knows how to kiss quite well," he replies. "It's our second date."

"And you like him?" His brother, such a romantic.

"He's nice," he shrugs. "I don't want to date the guy, I just want good sex."

Sirius frowns like he worries about Regulus and his horny ass. "Be careful, yeah?"

"Always am," he reassures him easily. 

"Tell me about this guy," Sirius asks him. 

And Regulus does, quite happy that he can talk about this kind of thing with Sirius now. Maybe Sirius really wasn't trying to treat him like a child, because Regulus can recognize that though Sirius sees him as his baby brother he also sees him like an adult. 

Sirius will never stop being protective when it's about Regulus, but he's also not trying to cage him. 

It's nice, this type of relationship he managed to have with Sirius, and not for the first time, Regulus finds himself relieved that he decided to come back. 

Back to his brother. 

For reasons Regulus doesn't want to acknowledge, he calls James just to hear his voice. 

He picks up on the third ring. "Yes?"

"Tell me I shouldn't," Regulus asks him.

"Shouldn't what?" He sounds confused. 

Regulus looks at the book in his hand. "Tell me I shouldn't buy a hardcover version of A Tale of Two Cities just because it's pretty because I don't even like Dickens and I don't have any more space in my flat." 

"You shouldn't, Regulus," he repeats, a bit of amusement in his tone.

"But, James," he rebukes. "It's a 1975 version and it's beautiful."

"You don't need it," he reminds him, now definitely amused. "It's just a book and you have a lot of them."

"I have a problem," he confesses. "Some people are addicted to shoes, to purses and I'm addicted to buying books. It's horrible, James." 

"That's not actually a thing."

"It is," he insists. 

"Where are you?" He wonders. 

"In an old bookstore close to my flat," he replies, picking the book up and walking through the store. It's a small place with a lot of old books and some new ones, but Regulus loves the place and he usually finds a lot of collectable books.

"Don't move, I'm meeting you," he says. 

Regulus pauses, a weird feeling in his stomach growing. "Aren't you working?"

"I'm my own boss," he says cheekily. "Plus, I'm not doing anything important right now."

"So you're just going to drive here?" He asks a little in disbelief. 

"Exactly," he replies, unbothered. "Someone needs to stop this horrible addiction of yours," he jokes. 

"I don't think you can stop it," he wets his lower lip. "It's a really pretty version."

"I can be quite persuasive when I want," he hums on the phone, and Regulus shivers a bit, like James is actually humming at his ear. Pathetic.  

"I'm hard to persuade."

"I doubt that," he chuckles. "See you in a bit, don't move."

"Fine," he ends up saying, because maybe, just maybe, Regulus wants to see James again. 

His date with Avery ended up with good sex, so Regulus feels a little less horny and skittish, his thoughts are not wandering through forbidden territory anymore when it's about James and he feels a lot more level-headed now that he was railed good. Still, Regulus can't stop thinking about James altogether, because now that they are friends, it's inevitable not to. 

And honestly, Regulus doesn't want to. 

He likes having James around even when it's torture to be around him knowing that they're just going to be friends, but James' presence it's always something that makes you feel good no matter what, so Regulus ends up cherishing his company.

James ends the call and Regulus goes back to what he was doing before, which was looking for books he shouldn't buy but wants to, and he gets so lost in the books that he doesn't notice James coming close minutes later and stopping by his side. 

"You're cute when you're trying to not buy all the books in the store," James tells him by his side, making Regulus jump a little in surprise. 

"I didn't realize you were here already," he mumbles. "And cute? Not the word I would want to be associated with."

"Right now, you were," he grins at him. Then he's extending a chai latte to Regulus, "Here, figured you would want one since you're addicted to it." 

"My savior," Regulus jokes, taking a sip and humming in delight. James already has his favorites saved to the memory, and every time he meets with Regulus, he brings him a chai latte. 

He looks at him with attention, James didn't put on his jacket today or his tie, and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up, showing his forearms. 

"So? Let me see it."

Regulus bites back a smile, holding the book up for James to see, he picks the book with his hands, looking attentively at it, opening and checking the pages. 

"It is a pretty book," he ends up agreeing. 

"I told you it was."

"But is this enough to buy it?" He arches an eyebrow. 

"Considering I once bought a bible because it was a pretty version, then yes, it is."

"You bought a bible?" He asks with a laugh. 

"Yes! And it's really pretty," he pushes James lightly. 

"Did you read it?" 

"Of course not, I'm not religious and I think it's just bad fanfic," he replies dryly. 

"You're never meeting my grandma," James tells him. "She's a raging catholic."

"Really?" He asks curiously, taking a sip of his chai and watching helplessly James put the book back on the shelf like he's not ripping Regulus apart with the action. 

"Really," he confirms. "She has a huge Jesus painting in her bedroom."

"The white version, I bet." 

"Exactly," he snorts. "When I was a kid, I was really fucking scared of the thing. I used to sleep in her room on a mattress on the floor and Jesus was staring right at me in the dark. It was creepy."

Regulus finds himself laughing. "I can't believe she really has a Jesus painting in her room."

"And the Virgin Mary in the living room," he smiles. "She's pretty religious, and goes to the mass every Sunday too."

"Is your mom religious too?" He asks, knowing that he's talking about Effie's mom, James' grandmother from his father's side died when he was still a toddler. 

"Nah," he shakes his head. "She's a believer, I think, but she's not religious or anything, though she did baptize me when I was a kid." 

"You're baptized," he repeats, staring at James. 

"Yeah," he nods. "My godparents live in Brazil though, mom's cousin and best friend. It's quite common between catholic families actually, it doesn't even matter if they're very religious, they do it anyway." 

"That's interesting," he comments. "What's the story with your parents, anyway?"

"What do you mean?" 

"Their relationship," he explains. "I always wondered how they managed to end up together. I know your dad met your mom when he traveled to Brazil to open the brand there, but how did it happen?" 

"Ah, that's a long story," he says with a smile, like their story it's actually his favorite topic. 

"I have time."

"My dad was freshly out of college when my grandpa sent him to Brazil," he starts saying. "He built the company from the ground, hiring new people, trying to make the brand grow and all that. Mom was one of the interns in the marketing team, that's how they met," he smiles. "Dad says he knew she was the one as soon as he laid his eyes on her, but mom says she thought he was a stupid gringo." 

"What does that mean?" He frowns. 

"We call every foreigner gringo in Brazil," he explains. "If you're not Brazilian, you're a gringo." 

"So, I would be a gringo?" 

"Yeah," he confirms. 

"Right," he nods. "So your dad was in love already and your mom didn't want to know about him."

"Exactly," he laughs, supporting his elbow on the shelf by his side. "But dad wormed his way into her heart and she showed him all the beauties of Rio, mom was promoted and then they started to date and dad was in love with her and Brazil, he didn't want to get back and the company was growing fast there."

"What about your grandfather? He was okay with that?"

"Yeah," he says softly. "Grandpa… Well, he wanted dad to know about mom's culture and be part of it. My grandmother was Cuban, you know?"

"No," he says surprised. "I didn't know that."

"Well, she was," he smiles a bit. "But my great-grandfather was kind of a dick. He didn't want to accept a black woman in the family, especially one that wasn't European, and my grandma wanted to be accepted in the family so she hid a lot of her culture, even from my dad when she was raising him. My grandpa didn't want to reproduce the same mistakes, so he accepted mom and was very supportive." 

"I'm glad," he says. Because being Brazilian is a part of James, is a part of his family and his culture, and Regulus couldn't imagine him without it. 

"Yeah," he nods. "So after mom made my father become fluent in Portuguese, they married. Dad took care of the company in Brazil and my grandfather worked here, we only came back because he was sick and dad would need to take on the company." 

"Do you miss Brazil a lot?" 

"God, yes," he confirms. "Not living there, because I lived there when I was a kid so I don't have a lot of facts about it, but I miss the food, the people, the music and the weather. Brazil has its quirks but it's a beautiful and amazing place, once you go there you want to come back all the time and it's so big. So much culture and places to go, so many people. It's one of the best places in the entire world."

Regulus could never talk about a country like this. He liked France and he misses some things from there, he also missed some things from London, but he was never devoted to the places he lived before. But James loves Brazil, he's probably in love with the country and it's quite nice to see it. 

"I think my biggest regret is that Harry doesn't go there as often as I would want to," he confesses. "I had such a great childhood there and he doesn't have any of it. I try my best to introduce the culture to him and teach him how to speak in Portuguese, but he would never know how it is to truly be brazilian because he's growing up here and everything it's different," he says. "I know mom wished he could be more Brazilian, but that's how things are and besides teaching him what I learned and traveling with him from time to time, there's nothing else I could do." 

"Maybe he'll be more interested in it when he's older," Regulus offers. "Kids rarely pay attention to this kind of stuff, and it's already amazing that he knows portuguese."

"His portuguese is awful," James says fondly. "But his mom is Irish so I think it makes sense he talks funny."

Regulus laughs. "Don't let Lily hear you, she'll kill you because of this comment." 

"She knows it's the truth," he smiles at him. "What about the Blacks? Were you a bunch of religious people?" 

"Not really," he replies. "Narcissa was a bit, and aunt Druella was a lot but besides then, I don't think so." Regulus thinks Narcissa was only religious because of her mother, she was always good at not fighting useless battles and a lot more cunning than anyone would give her credit for. "Andromeda did marry in church, but I doubt she's religious and Bellatrix… She was basically the antichrist herself," he snorts. "My mom…" he pauses. "She believed in God, but she wasn't really religious.

"She believed in God but in a very twisted way, she didn't go to the mass, she didn't pray or worship God, but she used to say that God was punishing her every time she was in pain," he tells him quietly. "I remember that, when I was a kid, she would sometimes sneak into my room after a fight with my dad or Sirius. You knew her, so you know she was beautiful but when she cried… she was so angelic with tears streaming down her face, not cold but soft. Then she would sit down on my bed and brush my hair and tell me God made me for her." 

When he was a kid, he felt a little loved when she told him that. Like his mother thought he was the one good thing in her life and he even felt like he could make her pain better. But the more Regulus grew up, he realized that she was just projecting because she saw herself in Regulus and she wanted to share her pain with him even if he was a child and didn't understand. 

"It made me hate the idea of God, I think," he confesses. "That he made me that way and that wasn't me. Plus, even if she wasn't religious, God was the answer to all her wrongdoing and I hated it." 

He wouldn't say he was traumatized because of it, but it's a little hard to grow up in a house where your mom is always crying about how God hated her because of her life, especially when she attributed that hate to her own children. 

It's quite hard to explain Walburga Black, she wasn't a good mom but Regulus thinks that she could be a lot better if his father and her family didn't ruin her before Regulus. He knows she was horrible to Sirius, but not that much with Regulus. She was abusive, there's no excuse for that and Regulus can recognize it, the comments about his weight, about his interests that weren't feminine enough, the venomous comments about his own father and the way she reduced Regulus to nothing sometimes. But the more Regulus grew, the more he saw that his mother was just really broken and she couldn't help but destroy everything else around her to feel justified. 

"I'm sorry to hear about that," James says kindly, and Regulus realizes he dozed off a bit. 

"It's fine, really," he shrugs. "She wasn't that bad with me, neither was my father. Sirius got the worse end."

"Still, you were a child," he tells him. "It must have been hard." 

"You know," he says slowly, hating how much he wants to share things with James. To confide in him. "Sometimes she would tell me things about her life and I would pity her. She was a terrible mother most of the time, but I actually empathized in those moments because she would feel so… human. It didn't erase the fact that she was a mess of a mother, but it was hard to not feel bad about her." 

She was the only woman in her family and her father practically sold her to Regulus' father. Worse than all, she loved Orion quite a lot, and all she gained from him was a long list of cheating. His mother had birthed Sirius two weeks before she learned about the first cheating, and after that Grimmauld Place turned into a house full of anger and resentment. 

Sometimes, Regulus wondered how it would be if his father was actually a good man. If his mother would be different, if she would love Sirius and accept Regulus. 

He supposes he'll never know. The second he left his house, he knew he would never return and though he felt a little bad for his mother, because he was all she had, he also knew she needed something else to focus on. She wanted Regulus because she thought he was someone else, she would never want him for him. 

"It wasn't your place to empathize with her, though," James tells him. "You're a kid, she was your mother, she wasn't supposed to deposit all of that on you." 

"Wait until you hear about my father," he says in amusement, trying to dissipate the heavy atmosphere surrounding them. 

"Can't wait," he mutters, probably knowing Orion Black is not the best person in the world. "What are you doing now?" 

"I was just planning on going back home before you showed up." And only now does Regulus realize how big this is, the fact that James left his work to meet Regulus even if he didn't need to. That he came all the way here just to talk with Regulus and see him. 

James Potter is the most dangerous type of man. He gives enough attention for Regulus to drown in it. And honestly, Regulus is not sure if he hates the attention or not, when James is close he forgets everything about keeping himself safe. 

It's not a crush, crushes are rather juvenile and stupid, but even if Regulus is an avid liar, he's not sure if he can say he's not feeling anything for James. Something other than lust. 

He doesn't want to be known, but deep down, Regulus wants James to look deep inside of him and see something worthy. All this attention he's giving to him is destroying Regulus slowly. 

It's worse because Regulus knows James is being genuine, he's not trying to play a game with Regulus, he shows up because he wants to, he texts him because he wants to speak with Regulus and he pays attention because he wants Regulus to know that he matters. Lots of men offered that to Regulus because they wanted something else, but not James, and this makes Regulus lower his weapons even if unconsciously. 

Regulus can deal with attraction, but he refuses to deal with feelings. 

Unfortunately, James Potter is just very likable. 

"Let's go eat something," he offers easily. 

"What about your work?" He asks, hating how his chest warms with the idea of going out with James. 

"Again, I'm the boss," he grins at him. 

"You're abusing your power," he rolls his eyes. 

"I'm not busy today," he says. "I won't be missing anything by taking you out." 

"Fine," he ends up relenting. "You're buying me cake."

"As you wish, Reg," he replies easily. 

Regulus rolls his eyes again, but miraculously ends up leaving the store without a new book. 

They stop in a coffee shop a few blocks from the store, and James buys him a red velvet cake. 

One of the things Regulus hates most about James is that it's really easy to talk to him. Regulus doesn't need to pretend with him, he can just be himself and not feel weird about it. Maybe it's because James already saw too much of Regulus, or maybe it's because Regulus wants James to know him by his real self and not the polished version of it.

James tells him all about work and Harry, and Regulus end up telling him more than he should about his job. 

"Sirius told me you got yourself a boy toy," James comments easily. 

Regulus pauses, eyeing James across the table with attention. 

"I did," he ends up confirming. "But I'm not sure why that's relevant, you don't see me talking about your sex life, do you?" He asks almost sweetly.

James smirks. "Do you want to know the people I fuck, Reg?" 

"Not really," he says, hating the idea that James fucks other people. Even if it's stupid and unnecessary. 

"Does he treat you well?" He asks, all concerned and honestly. 

Regulus doesn't reply immediately, eating a piece of his cake slowly and licking the spoon. James follows the motion with a little too much attention. Regulus licks the chantilly on his lower lip and hums a bit.

"He does," he ends up saying. It's not like he and Avery have something deep and meaningful. Regulus likes talking to him all right, but it's more about sex than anything else. Plus, he's pretty sure Avery is already hooked on another person and using Regulus to forget about said person, not like Regulus is not doing the same thing. "He fucks me good. Does that answer your question?"

"No romanticism for you?" He asks casually.

"Not at the moment," he replies just as casually. 

"Why?" 

"Men can't keep up with me, it seems," he shrugs. Plus, his last relationship ruined him too much, Regulus would only jump into another one with someone steady. Someone like— 

He stops his train of thought. He refuses to acknowledge such a thing. 

"I can see that," he says with amusement. "You're feisty, it takes a real man to keep up with you."

"You just made it sound like I'm problematic," he points out dryly.

"You are," he confirms with a smile. Like it's a funny fact about Regulus and not a damn tragedy. "That's why I like you, it keeps you interesting."

"Careful, Potter," he singsongs. "It looks like you're fond of me or something."

"Or something," he repeats. 

Regulus can't help but think that, if James actually wanted something with him, he would stop thinking that. He would realize that his problems don't make him interesting but turn him into a ticking bomb that causes too much trouble. No matter how pretty Regulus is, his problems are not worth it. 

It's best if he keeps thinking about Regulus like this, at least, it won't ruin the view James has of Regulus. He likes who he is from James' point of view. Regulus would hate to show the truth to him and change everything. 

Sirius' collection at the fashion week was a success, and because of that, his brother demanded all of his friends, and Regulus, to go to the club to celebrate. 

It has been a long time since Regulus went to a club, probably when he was still living in France. It's just that going to the club without his friends sounded a little too depressing, and though Regulus likes to dance and drink, it felt soulless to go to the club without them. But Sirius insisted, and after a few days, Regulus got a little excited, even. 

He never went to a party with Sirius either, so he's hoping the night will end well and Regulus can have fun. 

Apparently, Sirius wanted to go to one of his favorite clubs, which for the long queue must be a pretty popular spot. They don't have the same problem, because as soon as Sirius says "Potter" they enter without any problems, because yes, James made a reservation in the VIP area of the club for them. 

Regulus enters the club behind Sirius and Remus, looking at the naked, tattooed back of his brother. Sirius is wearing a backless dress he made, black and almost see-through, the transparent lace fabric shows the smudged version of his tattoos and a black thong, stopping a little after his knees, plus his platform boots that make him taller. The cut of the dress shows the curve of his waist and Remus is gripping the skin tightly, like he's afraid someone will look twice at Sirius and he needs to mark his territory. 

The club is crowded, purple, red and green lights shining and making Regulus' vision a mess of colors. It's not extremely big, with the DJ set on a small stage in the middle of the packed dance floor, two long bars on each side and the VIP area on the second floor, all around the dance floor so you can watch people dancing from upstairs. 

Regulus himself didn't choose a flashy outfit like his brother, just a tight leather black trouser sitting perfectly on his hip and a black crop top showing his collarbones, plus his boots. It's basic, but it hugs Regulus' body in all the right places, showing his small waist and accentuating his shoulders and back, hugging his ass and lifting it. Plus some eyeliner to sharpen his eyes. Regulus thinks he looks hot enough. 

When they get to the second floor, everyone is already there, not just the friends Regulus is used to but some of Sirius' team as well. Lily is the first one to notice them, wearing a black skirt, green silky crop top and knee boots, sitting on Dorcas' lap who's wearing a dark purple dress, silver earrings and high heels. 

It's not them that Regulus notices as soon as he gets close to their table but James Potter, of course. James is wearing a black t-shirt that's too tight on his body, gluing to his chest like a second skin, and low-waisted jeans that hug his ass almost too sinfully. He lifts his arm to give Mary a drink, and his shirt rises a bit, showing the skin of his stomach and his perfect v-line. Regulus thinks he's having a stroke and he feels warm all of a sudden. 

"The main character just arrived!" Lily announces. Her freckled cheeks are red, so Regulus thinks she already drank a bit. 

Sirius grins widely, turning around a bit to show his dress to them and Marlene whistles loudly at him. "Thank you, thank you. I know I look good."

"Love the dress," Mary tells him with a smile.

"Me too," Remus agrees with a smirk. "And I'm taking off of him tonight."

Sirius blushes and Regulus feels a little embarrassed for him. "Moony!" He hits him lightly on the chest, but Remus just grabs his wrist and kisses his cheek. 

"You lucky bastard," James comments amused, walking to them with two drinks in hand. "Hello my favorite people, here are some drinks for you." 

Regulus thinks that maybe James didn't see him, he's so used to having James' attention on him that the mere idea of not being noticeable in his eyes sours something in his tongue. But as soon as the drinks are in their hands, James turns his attention to Regulus, looking at him up and down with heat in his eyes. 

He can feel the heaviness of James' stare on his body, on the naked skin of his waist, his collarbones and neck. Like James is touching him all over even though his hands are resting against the side of his body. 

It alights something within Regulus, something almost too dangerous to exist. 

"I wasn't sure what you'd want," he tells him. "But I can order something now."

"I can grab my own drink, Potter," he replies, voice low to his own ears. 

He's smelling really good, so good that Regulus feels his legs a little weak and he fights back the urge to sink his nose on James' neck. The cross necklace rests perfectly in the middle of his chest. 

James looks at him in silence for a few beats, and Regulus has the fainting idea that he's being studied. 

"You're looking good," he ends up saying, his voice heavy as much as his stare, and Regulus feels all over his body. 

"I always am," he blinks at him, trying to pretend he's not affected by the attention. "You're not so bad yourself, I guess." 

James smirks at him like he knows he's more than not so bad. Regulus hates that he's so cocky, but particularly he can admit that he thinks James' asshole side is hot as fuck. 

"Regulus! You look amazing," Lily tells him, breaking their little moment, and Regulus smiles at her. 

"You're amazing as well," he replies, dodging James and going to sit by her side because Lily is safe. "Where's Harry tonight?" 

"Effie and Monty kindly took the little gremlin to themselves," Dorcas replies with a smirk. Her eyeliner and golden highlighter make her look inhuman, like a god instead of a person. 

"The adults need to have fun sometimes," Lily shares with him like a secret. "You need a drink," she realizes, "Potter! Go grab Regulus a drink."

"Bossy," James comments, standing in front of Regulus, and he needs to look up to stare at James under the shining lights. "So? What do you want, Black?" 

You, Regulus think stupidly. 

"Margarita," he ends up replying. "Make sure there's a lot of tequila." 

"Anything you want, Reg," he winks at him, leaving to grab Regulus' drink. 

Regulus keeps sitting in the same spot, talking with Lily and Dorcas while he completely ignores James across from him in the VIP bar. Even when he returns with Regulus' drink, he still avoids looking much at him, because Regulus is kind of scared of how much he wants to ogle James properly. 

It's unconscious but almost too annoying, how his eyes always want to stop at James to watch him, memorize all the flexes of his body, the archway of his neck when he laughs and throws his head back in delight and the extension of his shoulders. So because of that, Regulus tries his best to not focus on anything close to that. 

They keep drinking, taking tequila shots and talking over the loud noise of the music. Lily even jokes that having Regulus around makes her feel young, to which Sirius rebukes with we are young, Evans.

It's fun, really. The more Regulus drinks the more social he becomes, laughing and talking animatedly with the rest of them. Deep down he misses his friends, but he also doesn't hate these old, yet new, people surrounding him and treating him like an old friend. 

He realizes almost shockingly that, though he doesn't hang out much with them, he already knows little things about them. He knows about Dorcas' dry sense of humor and Lily's wit, Mary's charm and Marlene's loudness, and the strangest thing is that Regulus likes them, genuinely so. He always looked at his brother's friends with amazement and envy, but now Regulus is noticing that he's kind of friends with them too, on some level. 

And James… Well, Regulus fears he already knows too much about him. 

When he's feeling hot all over and a little tipsy from the alcohol, he decides he's going to dance and Mary accompanies him, showing Regulus what she calls brazilian moves. The dance floor is packed and the bodies around Regulus make him sweat and feel his body warm. 

He's lost to the feeling, and Regulus kind of missed this, going out to dance until his body is buzzing and his head is floating, with cheeks hot and sweat running down his spine. 

At some point, Mary says she's going back to the VIP area, but Regulus stays dancing alone, too inebriated to care about stuff like that. 

Moving his body to the beat and rolling his hips sensually, Regulus feels the heaviness of a stare on him, and he catches a pretty boy watching him a few bodies away from Regulus, his dark eyes shining under the lights. He's not usually Regulus' type, not too tall and a little too boyish, but Regulus is a little drunk and some flirting would do him some good, so he smiles at the boy, inviting him close without actually saying so. 

The boy comes close, smiling flirty at Regulus and holding his waist to bring him closer. He knows how to dance, so Regulus guides their moves, gluing their bodies together and throwing his arms around his neck. 

The lights blink around them, and Regulus rolls his hips easily, letting the stranger squeeze his ass while they dance grinding on each other. 

He asks his name in his ear, Regulus replies. He says Regulus is gorgeous, he says I know and the boy laughs, a nice, husky sound. Regulus asks his name, Tom he replies. 

Tom. Tom. Tom. 

Regulus might take Tom back to his flat tonight.

He comes closer, chest against chest and hands gripping his ass, sweat on his nape and the haziness of the dancefloor surrounding him. Regulus smiles at Tom, knowing he looks good under the lights, that he looks enticing and charming, a siren in the middle of strangers. He tilts his head a bit, ready to hover his lips against his, but then, he's being pulled behind by his belt loops. 

Regulus frowns, and before he can protest he's being turned around smoothly and colliding against another body. Regulus puts his hand around his chest and looks up with surprised eyes. Because Regulus is being held by James' hands, and when he realizes his new position, he realizes three fundamental things. 

The first one is that James is holding the naked skin of his waist, callused and big hands against his soft and pale skin, the warmth of his hold melting Regulus. The second is that Regulus is with hand against his chest, feeling the heavy beat of his heart under his palm buzzing with the loud music, feeling the hardness of his chest and the heat of James. The third is that they're close, really fucking close, their hips are flushed together and there's minimum space between them thanks to Regulus' hand on his chest, but in this position, he can feel James' heavy breathing on himself.

In a matter of seconds, Regulus' mind turns blank and he only has eyes for James, feeling a turmoil inside of himself like a hurricane just passed by. His body gets hotter and his breath hitches, he wasn't supposed to be this close to James. He wasn't supposed to be held by him like this. 

It's all wrong, but fuck, it feels so damn right. Like Regulus' body was molded to be held by James like this, with a steady, possessive grip. 

His eyes search for something, anything, in James' face but James is barely looking at him, looking instead behind Regulus' shoulder with a hard jaw and sharp eyes, a warning. 

Oh god, James Potter is scaring men off from Regulus. 

He should be fucking pissed because James doesn't have any claim on him, but instead, Regulus feels hot all over, wanting to kiss him for daring. 

Without waiting for another beat, Regulus slides his arms around James' neck, pulling at the hair on his nape to make him look down at him. James' eyes are dark and his pupils are wide, now completely focused on Regulus, and his hands squeeze his waist a bit. 

Regulus can't help himself, so he rolls his hips slowly, tentatively, to the music beat, and fuck, if he didn't think James was hot before, he definitely would change his mind now, because James Potter knows how to dance. 

He starts controlling their steps, a hand on Regulus' lower back and another holding his waist. Regulus can't stop looking at his face, watching with hooded eyes James devouring him with his eyes, jaw still clenched and heavy attention on Regulus, like he's holding himself by a single thread. Regulus rolls his hips, grinding against James. 

It feels dirty, forbidden and shameful, but Regulus finds himself addicted to it, especially when James' breath gets heavier and his hand grabs his waist with a stronger grip, his fingers sinking into Regulus' skin. He does it again, but James stops him by grabbing his ass strongly, and Regulus fucking shivers with the sudden contact, wanting him to grab harder until it's bruising. 

"Don't," he tells him in a low tone, eyes dripping in desire. He says don't, but Regulus doesn't believe in him. 

"Why are you here, James?" He asks almost too quietly under the music. 

James loses his grip on Regulus' ass, bringing his hand upward to a more respectful place. "Your brother didn't like that asshole groping you." 

It's such a shitty lie, Sirius is probably grinding on Remus right now drunk out of his mind. 

"Do you think he prefers you groping me?" He asks innocently. 

"I'm not."

Regulus looks at him, feeling his entire body burning in desire for this man, feeling the pulse between his thighs aching for James. His touch on Regulus is not enough, he wants more, he wants James touching him everywhere, he wants to be explored by him, wants his lips all over his skin.

It's not enough, and Regulus feels himself getting dizzy with this realization. That's not enough. 

And while he doesn't have it all, Regulus will always be tormented by this desire he has for James. 

His fingers slip to his shoulders, fingers sinking into his muscles and he's so warm, so hot. Regulus slides his leg between James', being held tightly against his body. 

"I do," he confesses against his ear, lips hovering. "I prefer you groping me instead." 

"Regulus," he says in a warning tone, but it does nothing but aggravate Regulus even more. 

He doesn't care about the warning, he barely cares about the fact that his brother can watch everything that's happening from the VIP area, or Remus, or his friends. He just cares that James is close, that James is here and Regulus wants him so desperately he could do anything to have him. 

"You should keep dancing with me," he tells him. "Or else I'll need to find someone else, since you scared the last one off." 

With fast and quick precision, James is turning him around again, gluing his front to Regulus' back, his ass resting against his crotch. 

"No one is dancing with you tonight, love," he says hotly against his ear, hands slowly resting on his hips. 

Regulus feels his heart beating fast against his rib cage, and he wonders if James can feel it too, the effect he has on Regulus. Usually, Regulus is the one in control, the one that holds all the cards, but not with James. With James, he loses all senses and gets reckless. 

There's a flutter in his stomach matching the pulse point between his legs, and Regulus bites his lower lip to try to control his own body, which seems like it's on autopilot for James only. 

"But you will?" He asks almost breathlessly. 

James doesn't reply, he just starts moving slowly, sensually, to the music beat, guiding Regulus by his hips like their bodies are merging into one. 

His ass grinds on James' cock and his hips burn under James' palms, his broad chest engulfing Regulus' body entirely. 

It's alluring, like a car crash you can't stop from happening, just watch and feel. Regulus feels thrilled and horny altogether, he doesn't think dancing should be so erotic, but with James, he feels like they're fucking already. Which they're not. 

Regulus feels his entire body pulsating with the music beats and it's like floating but falling at the same time, he's consumed by the feeling, by James, and he doesn't know how to stop falling. Sinking deeper and deeper into something he should run away from. 

His entire body is aching for him, to a single touch that will dissipate the growing need inside of Regulus and soothe this unbearable thing. 

James' nose gets closer to his neck, his breathing fawning on Regulus' skin and he shivers with the sudden tickle. James notices, because they're too close for him not to, and he lets out a deep and husky chuckle. 

Regulus knows he must be looking like a slut in heat, but he ends up grinding against James again, bearing his neck to James, hoping he will kiss it, lick it, bite it, anything really, because the idea of not happening is ruining Regulus a bit. 

He feels just a light touch of lips against his skin, and he's already undone, trembling for more like an addict waiting for the high. 

Regulus needs more, he needs to be kissed, to be held properly, pressed against a wall so James can do anything he wants with Regulus, touch him all over, make him feel heaven and hell at the same time. 

"James," he practically whines, hating how needy he sounds but being controlled by his own vices. 

"Regulus," he says it back, voice raspy and fucking sinful like sex. 

"I need—" his breath hitches when James' hand wanders lower, close to his covered cunt, finger barely grazing it. His nose stops in the space behind his ear, hot breath on his neck. 

"You were saying?" He asks, almost teasingly. 

But it's not funny. Regulus is allegedly losing his mind. James is touching him, James is teasing him, but James is not actually doing anything about it and Regulus feels like prey. Like James is playing with his food, but in the end, he won't eat a single thing. 

"I need some fresh air," he ends up saying. 

Because it's too much. His desire for James is too much and he can't think with James so close, with James' scent all over him and his heat warming Regulus entirely. 

He feels drunk on lust, the alcohol barely noticeable now, and Regulus knows that he needs to get away now before it's too late. 

Regulus knows himself and he knows that one more second in James' arms and he'll fuck up. 

As soon as he hears the words, James lets go of him, because above all James is a decent person, and he wouldn't tease Regulus if he didn't allow him to. 

Regulus takes a deep breath, looks one more time at James, marveling at how wide his pupils are, and then he starts passing through the bodies on the dance floor, towards the exit. 

When he gets out through the side door, the cold air makes him shiver a bit, though Regulus barely feels it with how hot his body is. He's almost alone, with only two girls smoking at the farthest side of the alley, and he closes his eyes, hitting his head lightly against the brick wall. 

He hates this. Hates how out of control he gets whenever James is close enough. Hates how much he wants him, but can't. No matter how much Regulus wants to say fuck it and throw everything away, he knows it will ruin things. But worse than all, he hates how much he can picture them working out, building something other than just a one-night stand. And that's more dangerous than the desire to be fucked by him, because this involves a lot more than just lust. 

Regulus can't think about anything other than the fact that he's fucked. 

He thought he had it under control, he thought that with them becoming friends and with Avery distracting him from James, Regulus was safe. But it took a few minutes with James close to him and Regulus is back to stage one. 

Regulus wants him so badly, but he's also not going to be the one crossing the bridge. Regulus is terrified of being rejected by James, because his morals talk louder than his desire, so he stays in the same place, wanting something he can't have. 

He's not sure how much time he spends in the same place, the girls already went back inside and Regulus' body is turning cold now that the heat is wearing off. It's better to feel cold than to stay hot thinking about James, so Regulus actually welcomes the cold. 

The door opens again and Regulus opens his eyes, seeing the object of his desire getting out. 

He looks at Regulus with knowing eyes, like he understands the need to take fresh air away from him to collect his thoughts. Without the lights, the mass of bodies and the hot temperature of the dancefloor, having James watching the aftermath of what happened feels almost intimate. With just the two of them here, it's treacherous. They could do anything right now and no one would know. Without witnesses, Regulus itches to get closer to him. 

"What? Couldn't be away from me?" Regulus asks with a little smirk on his lips, hiding his true feelings about the fact that James came after him. In a dark alley. "I do have this effect on guys."

"It's been a few minutes, I was worried," he confesses quietly. 

"Are you sure you didn't want to catch me alone?" He asks, supporting his weight by his upper body on the wall, his back arching forward. 

"What would I do with you alone?" He asks back, and maybe it's because there's only them here, but his voice sounds a lot lower than normal, causing goosebumps on Regulus. 

"You could do anything," he reveals quietly, like he's sharing a dirty secret with him. James doesn't reply, staring hungrily at Regulus as if the action drives him mad. "You could kiss me right now," he goes on, straightening himself when James takes a step closer to him. "I wouldn't tell a single soul about it. I could even pretend I don't remember a thing about it, even if the memory will make me cum every time I think about it." 

James stops in front of him, all six feet caging Regulus against the wall, looking down on him like he wants to fuck Regulus against this wall. He would let him, if James only had the courage to do it. 

"Do you want me to kiss you, Regulus?" He asks almost in a whisper, breathing hovering against his face. 

His breath falters and Regulus closes his hands in tight fists so he doesn't touch James like a starved man.

"I do," he breathes out, body humming in anticipation and desire. 

James smirks, a cocky and arrogant thing that wets Regulus' briefs. He wants to kiss it, take the assurance out of James and make him a trembling fool for Regulus. He wants to break every cocky bone of James. 

James holds his face, brushing his thumb on his cheek with big dark eyes focusing only on Regulus. He tilts his head forward a bit, lips almost touching Regulus', so close their noses are brushing and they're breathing each other in. 

"I'm not going to kiss you, love," he tells him, his words vibrating against Regulus' lips. "Now go back inside and be a good boy, yeah?" 

As fast as he got close to Regulus, he puts a distance between them, letting Regulus cold and fucking angry at the same time. 

The fury breeds itself inside of Regulus, growing fast until Regulus is burning entirely. 

He feels so angry. At James for getting close, for touching him only to take a step back, for closing the door he'll come back to peek through it later, which will make Regulus refuse to move away from it. At himself, for allowing all of this to happen, for feasting on the small attention James gave to him knowing he wouldn't have more no matter how much he wanted to. At this whole fucking situation. At Sirius for being friends with stupid James Potter. At everything in the world. 

"Fine," he says sharply. 

Regulus leaves the wall, walking inside the club again and ignoring James altogether. He doesn't want to think about him anymore, and doesn't want to look at him right now. 

Most of all, Regulus thinks he's angrier at the fact that, for a second there, he thought James wanted him enough to cross some lines, only to feel disappointed when he realized he didn't. 

And how insane Regulus actually is for wanting to ruin everything just to know for sure he's being desired more than any common sense? 

He doesn't want to be here anymore. He wants release, to be purged of this stupid desire for James and to forget everything about him. 

Shooting a text to his brother, Regulus gets out of the club from the main entrance, clicking on a number and putting his phone to his ear. 

"Are you the type of person who calls in the middle of the night for a bootie call?" An amused and deep voice answers at the fifth beep. 

"Are you the type of person who picks up knowing why I'm calling?" He asks.

"What can I do for you, Regulus?" Avery asks back, with no teasing or games. 

"I'm at a club right now," he replies easily. "I drank a bit and I'm horny. So, are you busy?" 

"I don't think I'll ever be busy enough to not fuck you," he laughs. "I'll call an Uber for you."

"You're the best," he finds himself smiling. 

"You just want my dick."

"That too," he agrees easily. "See you in a bit."

"See you."

Regulus gets inside of the Uber and it's surprised with how close Avery's house is to the club. In less than twenty minutes, he's already knocking on his door like someone who's definitely wanting sex at this hour of the night. 

Avery is already in his pajamas, which are basically a black sweatpants hanging low on his hips. His hair was a bit messy, like he was in bed already and Regulus interrupted. 

When he opens the door, he studies Regulus with hungry eyes, but this time Regulus knows he'll get something out of it. This time, he knows Avery will do anything to have him. If Regulus tells him to beg, he knows he will. 

Avery looks at him up and down slowly, like Regulus deserves the attention. 

"Were you partying too hard?" He asks him. 

"Not really," he replies slowly. "I went out with my brother to celebrate his collection, it was a bit boring, so I came here instead."

"Are you hoping to have some fun?"

"I know I will have some," he smiles at him. 

Avery silently makes space for Regulus to get inside, and once he's inside, he doesn't waste a single second before he presses Regulus against the door. 

"You're looking really fucking hot," he tells him. 

"Bet I'd look even hotter naked," he smirks at him.

Avery snorts before he's kissing the hell out of Regulus. 

They turn into a frenzied mess of deep kisses and pulling clothes off. Avery guides him through his house, to his bedroom, laying Regulus on his bed half-naked. 

Avery likes to tease until Regulus is frustrated enough to do the rest of the job, and this time is no different. He kisses him, touches him over his briefs until Regulus is drenching the fabric and panting against his mouth. Kissing Regulus' neck at the same spot James' lips touched lightly, holding his hips the same way James did, and under Avery, there's James all over him. 

When he kisses Regulus, he wonders if James would kiss him the same way or more dirtier. When he ends up with his head between Regulus' legs while he grips the sheets tightly, he wonders if James would do the same or make Regulus seek his own orgasm. When his hard cock enters Regulus' pussy, he wonders if James would feel the same or if he would be bigger, thicker. 

When Regulus closes his eyes, he's picturing James fucking him. Hard. Hungrily. Restlessly. He imagines callused hands all over his body, warm and brown skin on top of his, hard body holding him down and thrusting inside of his sloppy, wet cunt. 

He's so lost in his own fantasy, that when the pool of desire creeps up his spine to his lower stomach, Regulus moans loud and clear: 

"James." 

And then he comes, legs quivering and body shuddering, and only when he controls his breathing does Regulus realize what the fuck he just said. 

He opens his eyes in complete horror, looking straight at Avery, the guy who was actually fucking him and gets horrified all over again. 

"I—" he opens his mouth to explain himself, but no words actually come out because he's so mortified he can't think of anything to say to make the situation better. 

"Who's James?" He asks slowly, and Regulus realizes he didn't even came, because Regulus probably broke the mood when he moaned another guy's name. Fuck, he's so embarrassing. 

"If I give you a blowjob, can you forget all about it?" He asks him. 

"You just moaned another guy's name," he says, as if Regulus wasn't already aware. "I think that's quite hard to forget."

"I'm so sorry," he groans, feeling his entire face red from embarrassment. 

He thought he had everything handled, but James is actually a parasite and he's destroying Regulus' entire life. He wants to squash him underneath his feet. Killing him would solve all of Regulus' problems. 

"I'm not sure if this is funny or insulting," he comments, but he doesn't seem angry that Regulus was thinking about another man. 

"This is embarrassing," he mumbles, hiding his face under his hands. 

"So James is the guy you're trying to get over it through me," Avery guesses. "I think it's not working," he says unhelpfully. 

"I can't have him and it's messing with my head," he confesses miserably, because confessing to Avery is actually not the worst thing he could say after what he did. 

"You know what, I think I'm ordering some pizza," he says, getting up from the bed, his dick soft now. "And then you can tell me all about it."

"You're actually a very nice guy, Avery," Regulus says miserably. Because he's a nice guy who fucks Regulus good and he just ruined it. 

"I think so too," he agrees. "You can stay the night, but we're definitely never fucking again." 

"I guess that's fair," he nods a little. 

So that's how Regulus spends the rest of his night, telling his, now, ex-bootie call the disastrous story involving James, and though Regulus feels like he's losing his mind, Avery is quite nice about the whole thing. 

Regulus has no idea what he's doing anymore, and now James apparently ruined sex to him as well because he managed to get a space inside of Regulus' head there as well. When he didn't have real evidence of James so close to him, Regulus could ignore it, but he fears that something changed tonight. Something that shouldn't have changed. 

Avoiding him wouldn't actually work, Regulus knows it, but not having him is also driving him insane and Regulus hates it with a burning passion.

He hates James Potter, his stupid hair and stupid glasses, his perfect face and perfect, sinful, hot body. His laugh, the sound of his voice and how he rolls his tongue when he's talking in Portuguese. Hates how he texts Regulus daily, sends him selfies and funny memes only older guys would think are funny. Hates how he pays attention to Regulus, knows his order and his guilty pleasures. Hates how he already knows too much about Regulus and keeps wanting to know more. 

He hates that James wants him but not enough. Hates that he has the ghost of his touch all over his body now. That he knows how perfectly his body fits into his. That he can't wash James away no matter how many men he fucks. 

Worst of all, Regulus absolutely fucking hates that he's catching stupid, unwanted, but very real feelings. 

Just like he did ten years ago, only that this time, is really ruining his life. 

Regulus is fucked. 

Chapter Text

In the following days, Regulus totally ignores the problem. The problem being James, his thoughts about James, the fact that he can't fuck people anymore without thinking about James and every single thing James apparently ruined for him, especially his sanity. 

He replies to James' texts because he is acting like nothing happened, but he refuses to go out with him or be close to him in any capacity, which isn't the best way to deal with everything but still. 

It's just that Regulus can't phantom the idea of being close to James again so soon, not after the realization he's drowning in him and they barely have something real going on. After James told him no and Regulus felt like a discarded part even if he knew James had a good reason to say no in the first place. 

He tells all of this to Pandora and only her, because Evan would be brutally honest about the whole thing and Barty is extremely unhelpful. Pandora is the middle ground, and she's a lot more softer about Regulus' stupidity. 

"So he scared a guy off, he danced with you, he touched you," she lists, "But he didn't want to kiss you and you got mad and went to fuck another guy only to end up moaning James' name?" 

"Yes," he confirms. 

She sighs, and Regulus can feel her disappointment through the screen. He understands, he told his friends he was going to stay away and some more lies, so Pandora being disappointed is actually justified. She knows Regulus is doing stupid shit, and she knows he could've stopped. 

"Look," he says, feeling like he needs to defend himself. "He's a good guy, alright? And he wants me, I know he does, but he doesn't want me that much to cross his morals and loyalty to my brother, so there's that."

"I believe he's a good guy," Pandora says evenly. "But looking at the facts, he's not acting all considerate like you want to make it look like. He said he wanted to be friends, but he takes you on practically dates, he flirts with you and now he basically groped you and almost kissed you. He's a grown man, which means he knows what he's doing, and what he's doing is sending mixed signals. And you're letting him." 

Regulus is speechless for a few beats because Pandora is… Well, she's right. There's no denying that James is a good person, but his attitude towards Regulus is confusing at best. He can see how it looks to outsiders, they said nothing was going to happen but something almost did happen and Regulus wanted something to happen last weekend. Friends don't dance like they did, and friends don't look at each other like that. 

James is playing something, but Regulus is letting him. That's his problem, he always chooses to play the game instead of keeping himself safe. 

And Regulus is not innocent either, because he keeps poking at him, waiting for a reaction, trying to find the breaking point. 

"Evan was right," she says easily. "You're a junkie seeking some thrill and the prospect of trying to win James over is getting to your head, but I'm telling you right now that you should stop it."

"Stop what, exactly?" He asks slowly. Because well, Regulus doesn't think he can take James out of his life and he doesn't want to. 

"This," she gesticulates. "You're obsessed with him. The more he denies you what you want, the more you talk about him. You want him and the notion that you can't have him it's making you obsess over him." 

He opens his mouth to deny it, but Regulus can actually see it. He thinks about James every day, he's always talking to James, he tells his friends all about James. He moans to James' name with another man, he masturbates thinking of James, he wants to tell James about his day and his brain is a loud mess of James, James, James. 

It's not unusual for Regulus to obsess over things that keep him going, he can't see anything shiny that he wants to steal for himself. He knows it's a him problem, he's bad at boundaries, he wants their attention and their desire because he wants to feel wanted. With James, everything gets worse because by this point Regulus doesn't just want to have him once to satiate something inside of himself, maybe it was like that a few weeks ago but not now, now he wants all of James. Not just because he wants to prove him wrong but because he wants to get under his skin like he managed to get under Regulus'. 

It feels wrong that only Regulus is obsessing over James while James can look at Regulus and say no. That he has control when Regulus can barely think around him. 

"I want him," Regulus confesses. "Badly. And I think that a part of me just wants to drive him mad, you know? To prove myself something, I guess. To make him feel the way I feel."

"But how long will you be allowing this to happen quietly? At some point it'll turn into humiliation and he'll still be the one with the upper hand. He already knows you want him, Reg, and he's still saying you two are just friends. Maybe he is holding back because of his morals and because he thinks he needs to be the bigger person since you clearly already lost your common sense, but it doesn't change the fact that he's allowing you to act on it and it's teasing you about it."

"What do you want me to do?" He asks helplessly, almost pissed that Pandora is throwing the facts at his face. And though Regulus wants to stomp his feet like a child and say that Pandora doesn't know what she's talking about, he knows she's right. She cares about Regulus and she has seen this dance tons of times before, and in the end, Regulus always ends up hurt. He lets people toy with him because Regulus likes to think he's in control until he's breaking all over again. 

Regulus thinks that James is too kind to properly break him, and if Regulus tells him that it's over, he'll stop and be a lot more respectful towards Regulus, he'll keep his distance, but Regulus doesn't truly want that because he enjoys his relationship with James. Their conversations and their banter. Their flirting and jokes. 

"You need to either cut this off or tell him to finally fuck you and stop with this bullshit," she says firmly. "Either he does something about it or he lets go completely. You can't go on like this anymore, it'll drive you mad."

"So what? I just give him an ultimatum?"

"Yes," she blinks at him. "I know it can be fun to play this sexy game with him, but you're both adults and you need to choose instead of doing this push and pull like you're teenagers."

"You sounded so much like Evan just now," he mumbles. 

"That's not true, Evan would be a lot meaner than me," she smiles at him. "I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I know you, if none of us try to warn you about the car crash, you'll let it happen until you're in pieces. And I don't hate James, he seems genuinely like a good guy, but he's not being fair right now and you deserve someone who'll choose you without making you doubt about it." 

Regulus sighs, understanding Pandora's point. She worries, and this time she's not even around to hold Regulus if shit hits the fan. Regulus does have a tendency to do what's worst for himself, and though James is actually nothing compared to the type of situations Regulus went through, he does recognize the patterns. 

It's sad, really, but he thinks that he'll forever be seeking attention from men who don't really want him. He knows James does, to some extent, but not enough and that's always the problem with Regulus.

He gets them, he keeps them hooked, until he's not enough one more time and they leave or, in James' case, don't choose him at all.

And Regulus is not even mad at James, he knew plainly and clearly what James wants with him, but it still bothers him a bit, that Regulus is enough to flirt and tease, but not enough for James to say fuck it and have him. 

"I know," he ends up saying. "You're right, anyway, but he's just— When his attention is on you, you forget any type of preservation you might have." 

"If he's really a decent guy, he'll either choose you or let you go for good. I fear that things changed last time, you should do something about it before it's too late." 

"Too late for what?" 

"Too late to protect yourself," she says. "Because as it is, it looks like he's one step closer to ruining you completely."

And Regulus is not sure if he can take it. Not from James, anyway. 

"It'll make you feel better if I promise you I'll be talking about this in therapy?" He asks her. His therapist probably will be disappointed too, they've been working on Regulus' attention seeking issues for almost a year and he's still falling into old habits. Though this time it's not just anyone, it's James. 

"It'll make me feel better if you actually draw some lines and stop allowing him to do anything he wants without making a decision," she says unbothered. 

Regulus groans. 

He fears that, if he does that, James will choose to step away and leave Regulus alone, which he doesn't really want. 

Before Pandora can roast him a bit more, Xeno appears behind her, wearing a baggy shirt that's falling from their shoulder.

Xenophilius Lovegood is someone Regulus can't really explain, they feel like you just did some mushrooms, tripped into another reality and met this person you're not sure if it's real or not. When Xeno gets out of the house, people often look twice at them to make sure they're real. They're not a man, nor a woman or something in between. They're everything and nothing at the same time, but if you ask Xeno to define themselves, they'd probably reply softly "I'm just a body with a name" and that will be it. 

Xeno has long, pale blond hair, almost reaching to their waist, now braided in a complicated intrinsic way. They're tall, languid and bony, but graceful at the same time. They've pale blue eyes that are almost creepy, high cheekbones and a pointed nose. Barty said that Xeno was like Legolas on drugs, so there's that. 

Regulus wouldn't say they're best friends, and Xeno is not a part of their friend group, they're more like an associate part of them through Pandora, but they quite like them. Even Evan, who had a lot of opinions about Xeno at first, became fond of them after a while. 

"Oh, hello, Regulus," they greet him, Xeno's voice is very soothing and dreamlike. "I didn't know Dora was talking to you, I was napping."

"Hi, Xeno," he smiles at them. 

"What did you dream about?" Pandora asks, turning her body so she can look at Xeno properly. 

"Cicadas," they reply soothingly, walking to Pandora to kiss the top of her head. "They sang really loudly and then my ears started to bleed until all of them exploded one by one."

"Cool dream," Pandora offers with a creepy smile. It's not even the weirdest conversation they had. "We were just talking about Regulus' crush."

"Daddy Potter?" They ask.

"How do you know about this?" Regulus asks almost outrageously. It's like when he was a kid and everybody knew he had a crush on James. 

"Barty told me," Xeno replies. "Why? Shouldn't I know about him?"

"I just didn't realize they were gossiping about me like that," he says bitterly. 

"Oh, you know Barty, he loves to talk about people's business," Pandora dissipates the subject quickly. "Plus, it's just Xeno."

"Well, Regulus, I must confess, you shouldn't be dating rich guys," Xeno says, concerned. "His fortune is evaluated at one billion, we would need to end his institution when communism reigns again, and you know his money is actually—"

"Yes, I know, Xeno," Regulus cuts them off quickly. "Very mindful of you, we should totally decapitate him and take his money away, I agree. Fuck capitalism."

"Is he being sarcastic?" Xeno asks Pandora, so honestly it's almost cute. Pandora thinks so too, because she bites them hard on the wrist and grins at Xeno.

"You're so cute, beloved," she tells them. 

"Because I'm small and pretty?"

"Because you're breedable," she winks at them. Regulus is thinking if breeding kink is genetic, because if so, the Rosiers have a lot of explanations to do. 

"I'm still here," Regulus reminds them.

"It wouldn't be a problem, really," Xeno says very mindfully. "We fucked with a lot more of people watching."

"I don't want to watch, though," he points out. "You know what? I should just go, my break is ending anyway," he looks up at the clock on his wall, close to the entrance of his flat. Regulus stopped for forty minutes to take a break because he had been editing the new chapters Amelia sent him for hours. 

Work has been crazy this past week, and Regulus' eyes are burning because he stared at the screen of his computer way too much, and his fingers are hurting from typing for hours. He thinks he'll need to see a physiotherapist soon, and maybe see if his eyes will fall off of his face and melt thanks to the screen of his computer. 

"Good decision, Reg," Pandora nods. "Don't they just look so cute in this shirt?" 

"Totally," Regulus agrees dryly. "You two have your fun. I'm out."

"Oh! And don't forget what I said!" Pandora reminds him, already pushing Xeno to her lap. "Talk to James! Set boundaries."

"Don't date a capitalist pig, Regulus," Xeno tells him. 

He just nods and then ends the call. 

Regulus still has five minutes to contemplate about life, and in those five minutes, Regulus realizes he doesn't want to set boundaries. Because James is a man of word and patience, he won't rethink his decision, messing around with Regulus means Sirius, and Sirius is the most important person in James' life after Harry and his parents, probably, you can never know with the two of them. 

And the idea of not having James' attention on him, of being deprived of his flirting and heated glances is not something Regulus wants, even if it means he'll have to endure tons of sexual tension and frustration boiling in his stomach. 

Regulus thinks it all started with his dad. Of being six and sitting at the stairs in the middle of the night seeing his father stumbling inside of the house with models in his arms. Of seeing older men treating girls like nothing but praising them when they wanted something. Of looking at them with his father at twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and knowing exactly how they caught his attention, thinking about how Regulus could do better than them. Be better than them. 

Of being eighteen and reproducing even if unconsciously what he had seen all his life, realizing why the girls did it. Because they could. Because they were pretty and alluring. Because attention it's good even if it's shallow and impersonal. Because it's good to be liked and they liked Regulus, he wanted their attention, the attention of men who reminded him of his father like a sick and twisted checkmate on his mind. 

Because Regulus still believes he can be better than those girls, because those girls allowed someone like Orion to touch them, and Regulus still thinks he'll never bend to someone like his father, even if ends up with them the same way. 

His therapist usually says Regulus needs to work on his views of his worth, but it's hard to picture he has some value when all his life, all he knew was that his father cheated on his complicated, broken and unperfected mother and brought home the pretty, sensual and likable girls he knew nothing about it. And in search of his father's affection, Regulus fell into a horrible pattern where he tries to stay close to those nameless girls rather than his mother. 

It's different with James though, he might be older but it was never about that with him. James is not like the men Regulus usually ends up in bed with, but Regulus does want his attention. James knows him better than all those men did at some point, he knows Regulus is complicated and he still allows Regulus to come closer even if he'll deny him later. James is not running away, and he fears that if he tells him to choose, James will choose to leave and Regulus can't have that. 

Because Regulus wants to be desired and brought inside just like his father did to those girls, but still, he's not like them and won't even be. 

Even if he is. 

He realizes his time is up and he shuts his brain off, going back to his work and shoving down all of his recent thoughts. 

It's kind of late when Regulus gets to his building after a long meeting with Emmeline and Emma. 

Which is why he gets surprised by seeing a black Range Rover parked in front of his building, where James is leaning on the door with arms crossed while he checks something on his phone. 

Regulus halts a bit, surprised that he'd be here at all because normally James calls him to go out together, and he's pretty sure James did not call him today. Maybe because Regulus has been ignoring his calls, knowing James would want to meet and running away from him. 

But it's not like he could run away now, since James is already here. 

"Are you stalking me?" Regulus asks, stopping in front of him. 

James lifts his head up, smiling warmly when he sees Regulus. 

"No," he replies. "Stalking implies I'd do it hidden, which I'm not."

"Why are you here?" 

Looking at James, in a black suit with an expensive Rolex, Regulus cannot not think about the last time he saw James. How his hands felt on his body, his breath on his face and his husky voice in his ear. It causes a rush of excitement in him, but Regulus will pretend it was just a consequence of the autumn wind. 

"You see, I had a reservation for tonight," he starts explaining, all casual. "Sirius bailed on me because Remus stole him from me tonight, Harry is at a sleepover, which leads me to you because I kind of want company."

"So you're standing outside my building like a creep in a suit because you want to take me to dinner?" He asks slowly, remembering Pandora saying that James takes him out on dates without calling them that. 

"Basically, yes," he grins. 

"You could've just called," he sighs.

"You wouldn't pick up," he says easily, like it's not a big deal to him. And to James, maybe it's not. "Because you're avoiding me."

"I'm not," he lies. "And even if I was, don't you think it's kind of rude of you to not take a hint?" 

James only grins wider. "Come to dinner with me." 

Regulus should say no. Based on everything Pandora said, he knows he should. After last time, being alone with James is a very, very bad idea. Plus, Regulus is exhausted from work and he needs sleep. But James is here, he has been here for god knows how long, and he's going to pay for dinner. 

"Is it a fancy restaurant?" He asks. 

"Not that fancy, no."

"Are my clothes passable?" 

"Very much so."

"Fine," he relents, because Regulus is weak. 

James beams at his answer, all assured and confident about it, and he opens the door of the car for Regulus.

He gets in, and it's kind of strange how Regulus got used to James' car already. The scent of it, how to use the aux and all the buttons only fancy cars have. It's weird that Regulus is familiar even with James' car as much as his presence. 

James gets in the driver's seat and his perfume scent fills the inside of the car, something addictive, woody and manly. Regulus recalls the scent of it when James got too close to him at the club, mixed with sweat and the fainting smell of alcohol. It feels like torture. 

"So, you're avoiding me," James says, because he's all about honesty and talking things out, which works half of the time because Regulus is a liar, something James does know. But he still tries. 

"I'm not," he repeats the answer. "I'm just busy, very busy. Amelia had a breakdown a week ago and then she wanted to erase everything she wrote, change plots, start a new book," he sighs. "It was a mess, Emmeline had to get on the phone with her for two hours. Then she calmed down a bit, but she did change a lot of things and we needed to reevaluate two hundred pages, which was stressful. After that, she got hit with inspiration all of a sudden and then, boom, five chapters that needed editing, plus the other ones she changed. And on top of all that, we had a meeting today that lasted three hours and Emmeline and Emma started to fight," he tells him in a rushed voice, taking a deep breath when he finishes. "So really, I wasn't avoiding you, I was going through something. Which you wouldn't know because you leave your work constantly."

"Ouch," he says unbothered by the jab. "You do look stressed."

"Maybe you should eat me out to make me loose," he says almost boredly, looking out the window. Regulus knows he shouldn't say things like that, but he already knows James will laugh or say something about how he won't ever do it. 

"About that," his voice changes, something serious now. James is rarely serious around Regulus. He turns his head to stare at him and sees the clenching of James' jaw subtly. 

"About what?" He asks. 

"What happened at the club," he clarifies. Regulus gets tense a bit, thinking that maybe this is when James will tell him that they need to stop it, that they crossed too many lines and today it's actually a departing dinner. He knows it sounds crazy, but Regulus is so used to people discarding him, that it's the first thing he thinks. 

"You mean when you scared a guy off and encouraged me to grind on your dick at the dancefloor?" He asks nonchalantly.

"Yes," he says, "That."

"We don't need to talk about it, James," Regulus is terrified of talking about it. He's aware this is the perfect moment to talk about what Pandora told him, about boundaries and James sticking to a choice, but he's not ready to hear the answer yet, so he doesn't. 

"We don't?" His tone is daring, like he sees right through Regulus' bullshit. 

"We don't," he confirms. "I was drunk, and when I get drunk I turn into a horny beast," he wasn't actually that drunk, "If it wasn't you, it was going to be Tom."

"Who the fuck is Tom?" 

"The guy you scared off," he replies. 

"I'm sorry about that," he says quietly. "I was also quite drunk myself, if I was sober I—"

"Relax, James," he cuts him off. "I know that sober you don't want me grinding on your dick, I got the memo," he tries to play it cool. "I'm also sorry for being a whore to you, I know I crossed some lines. We should just avoid each other when we're drunk." 

"I think it's for the best, yes." 

Regulus feels his stomach sinking a bit with James agreeing, but there's not much Regulus can do about this, honestly. He thinks that, if James decides to cross the line completely, he won't back off and will stick with his decision, but as long as he doesn't touch Regulus, he'll remain firm on his boundaries. 

"Great," he ends up saying. "Glad we cleared that out."

"Where did you go?" He asks suddenly. "After you left, where did you go?"

Regulus pauses. He could say he went to Avery's flat, but thinking about what happened it's just so embarrassing. Avery really did let him sleep at his place and Regulus did give him a consolation blowjob, but it was clear that, whatever was happening between them, wilted away the second Regulus moaned James' name unconsciously. Moaning another guy's name can be a deal breaker, and Regulus can't even be mad at Avery because he was pretty nice about the whole thing, if it happened with Regulus he would be offended as hell. 

So because Regulus wants to pretend that never happened, he says, "Home." 

"Really?" James steals a glance at him, something in his eyes. Something Regulus doesn't understand himself. 

"Yes." James hums in reply, whatever that means. "Why?"

"Nothing," he replies easily. "I was a little worried, you disappeared."

"I warned Sirius I was leaving."

"You don't want to know what your brother was doing," he snorts. 

"Getting railed by Remus in the VIP bathroom?" He guesses with a smile. "Well, I wasn't in any danger, really. I just thought that it was best to leave before I did something I shouldn't." James, that's it. He didn't want to do James because he shouldn't. 

"Smart," James comments, probably knowing he's also the thing Regulus shouldn't do. 

"Where are we going, by the way?" Regulus asks, trying to change the subject and forget all about that day, even if it's impossible since it's all Regulus thinks about. 

"Well, I hope you like Korean barbecue."

"I love Korean barbecue," he gasps. "It has been so long since the last time, Alphard got me hooked on it, he loves spicy foods." 

"Alphard is a man with taste," he nods. "It's one of my favorite cuisines, Brazilian food it's the top one, of course." 

"And British food at rock bottom," he jokes. 

"Thank god my mom is Brazilian," James snorts. "Once I ate lunch at Marlene's house and the food had no taste."

"You poor thing," he laughs. "It is really bad, we only ate French food at Grimmauld Place because our chef was French and mom was a snob." His mother didn't know how to cook, naturally, neither did his father. 

"Of course you had a French chef," he snorts. 

"You never had a chef?" 

"No," he replies. "Mom always liked to cook, and in Brazil, I had my aunts and my grandma so I could actually choose where I wanted to eat, and when we moved here, mom stayed at home regularly." 

"She started to paint, didn't she?" He asks him, remembering the paintings around their house. 

"Yeah," he nods. "Plus, she said she couldn't handle work with a bunch of european pricks, so she decided to be a stay-at-home mom." 

"What a dream," he smiles. "Do nothing but paint, relax and send you to football practice to have some peace of mind."

"Are you aspiring to be a trophy husband, Regulus?" He asks, amused.

"Why do you think I only date rich, older guys?" He asks back. James laughs like it's a joke, but it's not. Not the part where Regulus only dates rich, older guys, that's it. He doesn't think he'll ever stop editing, though. Maybe when he's forty and raising kids. Regulus avoids thinking too much about his future, though. It fills him with fear of living an empty, alone life. 

"You'd be a good trophy husband," James comments. 

"Oh, yes," he agrees. "I already do yoga, you know. I just need to learn how to drive to pick the kids up at school and learn how to cook, probably."

"Probably," he repeats with a smile. "We arrived." 

Regulus watches through the window a small, light place with wooden details inside and yellow lights. It's filled with people, so Regulus thinks it might be a popular place, even if it's not fancy or big. James parks his car on the street and Regulus gets out, hugging his coat around himself now that it's getting colder in october. 

"It looks like a nice place," Regulus comments, walking by James' side. 

"Wait until you eat their food," he says. "You'll know it's the best place in the city."

Regulus can't ignore the fact that James loves to take him to his favorite places. 

When they enter, the restaurant it's warm and loud with conversations, a relaxed and intimate place. James says his name, and the waitress takes them to their table, two seats in front of each other with a lamp hovering on top of the table. 

They order and conversation flows easily, as things with James usually are. He rants to him all about his stressful week and Emma and Emmeline's fights that are driving him mad and his idea of locking the two of them in a small room, which James agrees with. In return, James tells him about the gala at the end of october, costumes only, to raise funds for an LGBTQIA+ program he's working on. About Harry and his great acting skills being Simba, about Lily and Dorcas' incoming wedding and the fact that he was the one who needed to go with Dorcas to prove cake flavors because Lily is lactose intolerant and didn't want to ruin normal people's fun. 

His eyes linger on James' face when he laughs, and he's so earnest in his happiness, James doesn't fake the way he feels, he doesn't hide over a mask and Regulus likes to know that he just needs to look at him to know how he's feeling. He also has a beautiful smile, his eyes wrinkle a bit when he does it and his cheeks get up. Regulus feels the stupid need to make him smile and laugh all the time. 

It bothers him that James is not like this only with Regulus, that other people can hear him laugh and see him smile just like Regulus can. It feels like it should be something directed to Regulus only. 

He never made him laugh and smile like this when he was a kid, but Regulus knows that this time is different. James does not see him as a kid anymore but as what Regulus really is, an adult. They can talk now on the same field, and it's exhilarating to be able to talk with James now. Properly talk. 

Regulus is full and a little fuzzy because of the few shots of soju he drank when his attention stops on a family close to their table. The father is playing with the little boy by his side, making him laugh and letting him squeeze his tiny hands on his cheeks with a smile. You see, Regulus never got affected by mothers and their sons being adored, but every time he saw a father be affectionate in public with their kids, he would feel this awful burn of envy inside of his chest.

Regulus never had to battle for his mother's attention, she actually gave him too much of it to the point it was suffocating, so he never felt jealous of kids and their moms, but when it's about fathers, Regulus feels like he's ten again, wanting his father to acknowledge him after he's not drunk anymore and receiving nothing in return. 

It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. 

"Were you and your father close?" James ends up asking, because he obviously noticed Regulus watching father and son with something almost lost in his eyes. 

"No," he replies quietly. "When he was drunk, I pretended we were. It was the only time he'd talk to me, and sometimes I would stay up late only to catch him drunk or high so he could talk to me. I hated it, but I also craved it because it felt like the only time I was real to him," he scoffs. "It wasn't healthy, he told me a lot of shit no father should, shared too much, but it was the only version of him I could be close to." 

He doesn't look at James, hating how vulnerable he gets every time the subject is his father. His mom is easy, Regulus thinks. You can't see much of her marks in Regulus when he talks about her, but when it's about his father, it's like there's a red mark highlighting everything that's wrong with him. He fears that, if he looks at James, he'll see all of it. 

The older man, the act, the fake smiles and the reproduction of those girls because Regulus learned that they were the type that could get his father's attention, so that was how Regulus would act. The fear of being ignored, abandoned, not perfect enough so others would leave and how little he thinks of himself because of his own father. 

"I was fourteen when he told me that if I was a problematic person like my mom, I should just give up because no one would put up with me," he reveals, feeling the lump in his throat. The problem is, his father was right. "I guess I grew up and made sure my problematic side was well hidden."

"I don't know," James says slowly. "I like your problematic side quite a bit."

Regulus shifts his attention back to James, something hot and heavy burning inside of him with just simple words. 

"You don't really mean it," he says. "It's easy to say that when you're watching from a distance, it's another when you're close enough to catch the burn of it." 

"If other people can't, they're just weak," James says. "You're worth a little burn." 

His heart skips a beat and it's unfair. So fucking unfair. That James is here, sitting with him in a restaurant telling him this. Looking at Regulus like he could never be too much of a problem because it's not a bother. The same James Regulus loved childishly at twelve. That despite all of this, James still isn't going to choose Regulus, because even if he thinks Regulus is worthy, he's not enough for James.

It's almost cruel, this reality. 

Regulus never wanted someone like he wants James, and for the first time in a long time, Regulus doesn't want to pretend to be like one of those girls, he wants James to like him for him, and the notion that Regulus as Regulus is not enough it's depressing. 

"I hated your father the first time I met him," James confesses, when he realizes Regulus is not going to reply.

Regulus remembers that day. Sirius was going to pick Regulus up on the weekend and James came inside behind him, all tall and boyish. He was sitting at the dinner table eating his breakfast, his father was talking slurredly in front of him about how he fucked his business partner's wife that night and Regulus was fucking apathetic to it, only listening quietly like they were buddies. Sirius took one look at him and already knew about Orion's situation, calling him up on it and receiving a mean, slurred reply back. James watched everything with a smile on his face, like he wasn't bothered at all. 

"He snorted a line of cocaine in front of me five minutes before you arrived," Regulus tells him. 

"What the fuck was wrong with him?" James sounds disgusted, and maybe he is. James is a father, after all, the idea of using drugs in front of Harry is disgusting to him. He's a good father, Orion was never one. 

"A lot of things," he snorts. "He was the oldest, so I think my grandfather put too much pressure on him and he broke eventually, and because of that, he spent the rest of his life trying to fill the cracks with booze, drugs and sex because he was empty and needed to feel something."

"Still, that's not an excuse."

"No. I suppose it's not," he mutters. "I was six when I first learned what a drunk person was like, and throughout my whole life, I've seen my father like that. It was just normal to me."

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Reg," James says softly. He means it, Regulus can tell. 

"It's alright," he says easily. "He'll die from liver cancer eventually, or maybe overdose and it won't matter. He was never a real father to me." 

"I didn't know he was so…," he frowns, not finding the right word, "With you."

"Sirius doesn't really know," he explains. "I didn't want to let him know because when I was a kid, it meant he was caring about me even if it was bad. I was never scared of him, just repulsed the more I grew up and I knew Sirius would get involved. Not even my mom knew about those moments," he explains. "He was really bad with Sirius, though. Which pisses me off because even if he was a scumbag, Sirius always kept him alive even if he didn't deserve it."

Sirius always left a glass of water for him, put him on his side so he didn't choke on his own vomit, and made sure to watch Orion sleep some nights when things were really bad. Regulus was a kid when that still happened, when Sirius still lived with him, and he didn't understand yet, what it meant. But once he grew and Sirius left, he was the one letting the glass of water and putting him to his side. He thinks Orion never deserved them as his kids. 

"Sirius is, unfortunately, a very good person," James says softly, with a fond smile on his face. 

"Our family never deserved him," he confesses. "Yours did."

"Us Potters know how to keep the right people close," he tells him like it's a secret. "We can keep you, too." 

"I don't really fit in," he rebukes, remembering a time when all he wanted was to be a part of them. 

"I think you do," James shakes his head a bit, disagreeing. 

Regulus looks at him, wondering for a moment about an alternative reality where James chooses him and Regulus can be a part of the Potters, just in a different way. Being a part of them like this is almost torture, he thinks. 

"I think we should pay the bill and leave," he ends up saying. "It's late."

James looks at his watch, confirming that's, in fact, late. 

"You're right," he nods a bit. 

James asks for the bill, and when he's paying it's when the first thunder resounds through the windows, making them tremble a bit. Regulus curses under his breath, and not that much later, a strong storm breaks outside. 

They stop under the canopy of the restaurant, and Regulus can feel a few raindrops wetting his trousers with the strong wind. The trees close to them are shaking with the strength of the storm, and the raindrops are heavy hitting the floor, causing a loud noise. 

"Do you want to wait inside?" James asks him, voice a little loud because of the storm noise. 

Regulus looks at James' car across the street, looking at the rain soon after and realizing it probably won't slow down until much later. Plus, the restaurant will probably close in the next hour or so. 

"Let's just run to your car," Regulus suggests. He'll be wet, but it could be worse. 

"I have an umbrella, maybe—"

"An umbrella won't be very useful," Regulus cuts him off. "There's no point in you wetting yourself for an umbrella that won't be useful." 

"Fine," James sighs. "On three?" 

"On three," he nods. 

James presses the button on the car key to open it, and the car blinks with it. 

"One," James starts. "Two."

"Three," Regulus announces. 

Then starts to run across the street. 

The rain drenches him quite quickly, the heaviness of the drops hitting his body like tiny pebbles, and he feels how cold the water is, cursing loudly while James is laughing. He's the only person that would laugh after getting soaked from the rain. 

Regulus runs as fast as he can, opening the passenger's door and getting inside with the noise of water dripping on the car floor. James enters right after him, closing his door with a thud. 

"I hate rain," Regulus grunts, taking his hair off of his forehead. 

"I love rain," James comments. "Not so much when I'm getting drenched because of it, but still." 

His glasses are also wet, and Regulus opens the glove box, taking a box of tissues and giving it to James so he can at least see.

"Thanks," he says, taking his glasses off so he can dry them. "You should go to my place."

"Why?" He asks, teeth starting to chatter now that the coldness is slipping to his body. 

"Exactly because of this," he points at Regulus, glasses still in his hand. "My house is five minutes from here, you need to take a hot bath so you don't catch a cold, and until I get you to your place, I'll also catch a cold. Let's just save us the problem, yeah?"

Going to James' place alone with him sounds like the stupidest idea Regulus ever had, but dying from hypothermia because he wanted to avoid a stupid idea is also very stupid. 

"Fine," he agrees, shivering from the cold. "But I want hot cocoa after this humiliation."

"Deal," James smiles big. 

James turns the heater on on the way to his house, and it really is quite close. He parks his car in front of the house, since it doesn't have a garage, and they need to run under the rain again to enter his house. 

They stop at the entrance, a puddle of water growing under their feet and Regulus shivers, feeling goosebumps all over his skin from the cold water. 

James turns the lights on, and the entire house illuminates along with the heater being turned on as well, because that's what happens when you're rich, things turn on on their own. 

Before Regulus can comment on James' house intelligence, his words get lost in his throat, because James starts taking his clothes off. In front of Regulus. 

Coat. Shirt. Trousers. Socks. 

All. Of. It. 

Leaving behind a toned, perfect body, an infinity of brown skin and firm muscles. Regulus swallows dryly, getting lost in the expanse of James' half-naked body, and unfortunately, he gets really horny with the vision. 

He saw James almost naked at the pool party. But this? This is different. 

This is James undressing in front of Regulus. This is James with slightly wet, tight boxers, and thank god they're black and not white. But it's not hiding a fucking thing. It's marking his dick through the fabric and Regulus doesn't want to look, he really doesn't, but he looks the same way. And fucking hell, he'll kill himself. He'll actually do it. Because James' dick it's big. It's poking at the fabric slightly and it's big. Regulus wants it inside of him, to be filled up by his length and feel him deep inside. And his ass. God, James' ass. It's big, perky, round and fucking sinful. 

Regulus thinks he has never been this attracted to someone like this before. Ever. James Potter was the hottest man on Earth to Regulus at twelve, and now that he's twenty-two, he fears this is still true. 

"I'm going to grab some towels," James says, not paying attention to Regulus going through a crisis. "You can dump your wet clothes here too, I'll put them into the washing machine after we shower." 

"Okay," his voice sounds almost breathless. 

James disappears through the house in search of the towels, and Regulus undresses himself with the memory of James' body in just boxers burning in his eyes. He barely acknowledges the fact that James will also see him half naked, or the fact that Regulus put on black panties before getting out because he thinks it's comfortable and the fabric it's soft. He doesn't acknowledge the fact that James will see the small star tattoo on the side of his ass he made as a joke with Barty, or the fact that he'll see the beginning of the small tattoo at the end of his hip bone written heavenly that you can only see when Regulus is naked. 

He only acknowledges that when James comes back and stops right in his tracks. Like he was frozen in place. Forgetting completely what he was supposed to do. 

Regulus turns his head to stare at him, and James… James is with mouth slightly open, watching Regulus in nothing but black panties. Watching Regulus with desire written all over his face. His eyes start at his collarbones, then he lowers down to his chest with the perky nipples from the cold, to his flat stomach with miles of pale skin. To the curve of Regulus' waist and the widening of his small hips. To his milky thighs, and long legs. 

Regulus never felt so special and appreciated as now. No one ever looked at him like James is, with such irrevocable and undeniable want. 

He feels himself flushing, his body hot all over and his skin prickling with James' attention, desiring his touch on his skin so he could feel Regulus entirely. 

But James doesn't do that, he clenches his jaw and extends the towel to Regulus almost mechanically, the bulge in his biceps twitching slightly and catching Regulus' attention. He wonders, not for the first time, how every single part of James must feel under his palms, like buttons he wants to press. 

"I put some clothes for you in the bathroom," James manages to say, his voice lower than normal. So close to the tone he used with Regulus on the dancefloor last time. "Upstairs, just enter the first door on the left."

"Okay, thank you," he mutters in reply, drying himself absently before he goes to the bathroom, feeling James' gaze on his back when he turns around.

The bathroom is big and white, with a huge circle mirror on top of the sink and an expensive shower in the corner of the room. 

Regulus closes his eyes under the hot water, feeling the drops massaging his back in the most delicious way. He washes his body with an eucalyptus body wash and his hair with one of the tons of Potter's hair products on display, choosing one that smells like coconuts. He dries himself and stares at the clothes on the counter, noticing they belong to Sirius, which makes him a little disappointed because he was expecting to use something of James'. He knows Sirius is the logical option because they're about the same size, with Regulus being only a little shorter than his brother, but still. 

The shirt is big and baggy, reaching down to Regulus' thighs, and James gave him black boxers that actually look new. He also separated black sweatpants, but Regulus stares at them with attention. He could use it, or he could ignore them and walk around James with his legs out. 

Regulus doesn't think much about it when he leaves the sweatpants on the counters and leaves the bathroom. 

To his luck, the house it's warm and cozy, and Regulus looks around the hallway with curiosity, watching the photos scattered on the walls, photos of Harry as a baby still at the hospital in Effie's arms with James and Monty around her. James and Lily dressed as Incredibles with Harry when he was around two. Photos of Harry as a kid, growing up, with his aunts and uncles and grandparents. A gallery of his life right in his house. 

Regulus feels warm with the display. At Grimmauld Place, there weren't any happy pictures like these, there was only a huge, soulless picture of them in perfect clothes and plastic smiles. But not here, here it shows how loved Harry is. 

He finds his way downstairs, going to the kitchen where he watches James making something,— Regulus' hot cocoa. His broad shoulders are flexing under the tight shirt he's wearing and his flannel trousers are old. 

When James hears Regulus coming, he turns around to look at him, and he lets a spoon fall inside the sink when he sees that Regulus was against trousers. This is the type of reaction Regulus wants to cause in men, by the way. 

"I think I'm in love with your shower," Regulus says nonchalantly, hooping up onto the counter, his legs swaying in the air. "Mine doesn't have that much water pressure."  

"You should buy another one, then," he replies, but his voice it's tight. 

Regulus starts thinking that, maybe, right at this moment, James' control is the most unstable it has ever been. 

This is more intimate than the other times, he realizes. They'd normally go to crowded places, with people surrounding them, and even when James waited for him in his living room, they never lingered around because they knew staying alone was dangerous and too tempting. 

But now it's in the middle of the night, there's a heavy storm outside the house and it's just Regulus and James in his kitchen. After they just watched each other half naked. 

Alone.  

"You should buy me one," he teases him. "You're the rich one."

James just smiles at him with some amusement in his eyes, and he notices him trying very hard to keep his attention on Regulus' face. 

He picks up one of the mugs and gives it to Regulus, he doesn't do it on purpose, but when the cocoa enters his mouth he moans with how good it tastes. James keeps staring at him, resting his ass on the edge of the countertop in front of Regulus, just a small space keeping them apart.

"This is good," he comments. 

"It's my specialty," he replies, taking a sip of his own mug. "Seven-years-old love hot cocoa."

"Are you comparing me to your kid, James?" He asks with a smirk hidden by the mug.

"You're very far from my kid, Regulus," he replies, shaking his head a bit to something that was only commented on in his head. 

"Thanks for the cocoa," he ends up saying, swallowing the drink and looking at James.

"You're welcome." 

They fall into silence, but not the comfortable kind. 

There's something in the air. Something heavy and hot. Something that prickles Regulus' nape and causes a tingle in his spine. Something that goes straight to his lower stomach. 

He stares at James quietly, eyes attentive and hooded, wondering if he'll tell Regulus he's going to drive him home. Wondering if James will tell him to put on the sweatpants. Wondering if James will go to sleep and offer a room for Regulus. Wondering if James will finally stop denying Regulus, bend him over this counter and fuck him into it. 

"Stop looking at me like that, Regulus," he says with a deep, low voice. Almost like he's reprimanding Regulus. 

"Like what?" He asks, challenging James to speak the truth, just this once. 

Because even if they're mostly honest with each other, even if they talk about how they shouldn't and how it would be messy. They don't talk about how much they flirt with looks and tiny smirks. They don't talk about how James takes him out almost every week when he didn't need to. They don't talk about why James hates knowing he's fucking another man or why he can't leave, though it's the best option. 

They claim to talk things out, but the truth is that they're avoiding a lot of stuff too. Because by doing that, they don't need to acknowledge that being apart is the sensible thing to do. 

James can say millions of times how he won't have Regulus, it doesn't change the fact he seeks Regulus out all the time. 

They're both addicted in their own way, finding a thrill in the small, secret moments they share and then pretending it never happened. 

James wets his lower lip, eyes heavy on Regulus, and his muscles twitch a bit. 

"Like you want me to bend you on this fucking counter and fuck you."

Regulus feels a shocking wave running down his spine, and his hand tights around the mug. James' voice conveys lust and his eyes show Regulus how little control he has right now. 

Maybe this is happening now because of the succession of facts that happened today. Maybe it would happen anyway. Maybe, Regulus is looking at James that way. 

It won't erase the certainty that James wants Regulus. 

"Then stop looking the same at me," he says back, almost snappish. 

Regulus is not the only one who wants something right now, James is too, he's guilty as much as Regulus is, and he's so fucking tired of James trying to be the bigger person. Trying to control this because he thinks he owes it to Sirius. Stopping the collision because of his morals. 

"Fuck, Regulus," he messes his hair, scoffing a bit. "You need to stop. You know I want you, and you keep tempting me to see if I will give in. I know it gives you a kick, but this is not about now. Tomorrow, this shit will have consequences."

"I'm not asking you to marry me," he snaps. "I want you, James. If you want to do it once, I'm fine with it. If you want to keep me, then keep me. But stop trying to do the right thing because it's not fucking working."

"I think you don't know what you want," he shakes his head. "You don't know what this will mean and you also don't care."

Regulus feels a boiling anger in his stomach. James is talking like Regulus is only thinking about sex. About having fun. But it's not like this to him, not anymore. 

He's talking like Regulus is this young, stupid boy who's too naive to understand how this will work, but Regulus is not. 

"How long do you think you can keep this up?" He asks him, putting the mug on the counter so he doesn't spill anything. "How long, do you think you'll be able to avoid this? Because it's been months, James. Months, and so far, nothing is working to stop this. Other guys are not working, trying to be friends it's a disaster so far, and when I try to keep myself away from you, you come back every fucking time because you want me. And you know what I think? I think it'll happen, if not now, then soon. We can't stare at each other without wanting something else, every conversation of ours ends up with some innuendo and I fucking ache for you constantly." 

James is breathing heavier now, but his eyes didn't leave Regulus at any moment. He gets down the counter, taking a few steps closer to James but stopping at a certain distance from him. 

"I think," he repeats slowly, "That we would have the time of our lives together. I think you'd make my legs tremble and you'd cum so hard inside of me your vision would black out for a bit," he drops his voice, making it something low and seductive. Velvety and alluring. "I think I will be the best fuck of your life, all of the tension would be put into this and you'd have the best sex you've ever known," he says quietly. "Yet, you keep denying yourself that for reasons that are beyond stupid. I want you. You want me. Fucking have me."

Regulus doesn't know what to expect. He thinks James will probably just stick to his own control, that maybe they'll end whatever it is they have tonight because now it got too real to go back. 

He does not expect James to take a step forward. Does not expect him to study Regulus closely with something feral in his eyes. And most definitely, Regulus does not expect James to say a low, certain and decisive: 

"Fuck it." 

And then everything explodes. 

James' hand is on him, holding his waist under the shirt to bring him closer, the other one holds his face, fingers sinking into his wet hair. Regulus has only a second to hold onto James' shoulders and take a shaky breath before James is kissing him. 

And fuck, James knows how to kiss. His lips fit perfectly against Regulus', and when his tongue slips into his mouth, Regulus melts. His legs go weak and his body turns into jelly. 

James' presence it's just so big that he swallows Regulus whole with how glorious he is, and when he holds Regulus with assuredness against his body, when his hands sink into the skin of his waist, Regulus gets entirely lost in him. 

It's desperate and deep, their first kiss. Something aching and bruisingly, pouring out by the act of lips touching and tongues dancing all the months of tension they held close, all the vivid scenarios and wet dreams. Regulus imagined for hours, days, weeks and months what kissing James would be like, and he didn't think it would be like this,— Consuming, like James is kissing Regulus with the idea of ruining kissing forever if it's not his lips Regulus will kiss. 

He doesn't hesitate, doesn't stop. When James kisses Regulus, it's like he already knows how to turn him into a mess of man. 

Kissing was never like this. 

Every pore of Regulus' body captures James in, and he can't do anything but let James' tongue fuck into his mouth while he sinks his fingers in James' soft hair. 

Regulus brings James closer, needing to feel the extension of his hard body against his, liberating strangled noises from the back of his throat with how good this is, breathing heavily and never wanting to stop. He wants to die like this, kissing James and being held by his arms.

James lowers his hand, holding the back of Regulus' thigh and lifting it to his waist, making Regulus feel his cock hardening. 

"We can't," James says against his lips.

"We can," he rebukes in a hushed voice, feeling breathless. 

"Your brother—"

"He doesn't need to know," he tells him in frantic, open-mouthed kisses. 

"We shouldn't," he pants against his mouth, fingers sinking deep into the flesh of Regulus' thigh. 

"I don't care," he breathes out, kissing him again. "I don't care." 

James groans, like he knows he lost a battle, crumbled into something bigger than him, and with only one hand, he takes Regulus' feet out off the floor, lifting him up into his arms. 

He picks Regulus up effortlessly, and Regulus circles his legs around his waist, feeling his cock trapped between their bodies. Without any information, James starts walking through the house with Regulus without stopping the kisses, like he can't stop. 

James wanted this as much as Regulus, and he can notice in every hard breath, in every bruising kiss and strong grip. 

He grabs Regulus' ass with both hands, and Regulus moans brokenly against his mouth, wanting James' hands all over him. Everywhere. He wants to be explored and put back together only for James' pleasure. 

James presses him against a wall, shaking the photo frames with the force of it, but Regulus doesn't care, he only keeps kissing James viciously. 

"So pretty," he says against Regulus' lips, changing his attention to kiss Regulus' neck. He starts with his jaw, making Regulus shiver a bit, then to his neck, sucking at the skin just enough to not bruise it. "Are you going to be finally mine tonight, love?" 

"Yes," he pants, feeling his heart beating fast and hard, like he just ran a marathon. "I will. Anything you want, James." 

"And so willing, huh?" He says against the skin of his neck, nipping his teeth at it softly. "You're going to be my good boy, baby?" 

Fuck. Regulus fucking melts, he feels weak, so, so weak. He can't do anything but sink his nails in James' clothed shoulder and nod helplessly, feeling the slicky wetness of his pussy soaking his boxers. He's throbbing already, so damn horny and needy he could beg for it. 

"I want you to say it," James tells him in the shell of his ear. 

"Yes," he breathes out, closing his eyes when James controls his hips to make Regulus grind against his cock. "I'll be your good boy."

James hums, freeing one hand to wander through Regulus' body. "Are you wet for me already, love?" 

"Yes," he whispers. "I am."

James' hand finds its way between Regulus' thighs, and James' thumb brushes against his covered cunt, making Regulus tremble a bit and let out a strangled noise. 

"Fuck, Reg, you're drenched already," he says against his ear. "All for me, darling?" 

"Only you," he promises him. 

James' thumb starts rubbing at Regulus' clit and he moans with the sweet friction, feeling the wet fabric against his swollen clit. Regulus swears he was never this horny before, he usually needs to be worked out to get this fucking wet, but just a few kisses from James and he's already a mess. 

"What was what you said to me?" James asks. "That three it's the charm?" James quickens his ministrations just a bit, just the perfect amount for Regulus to start feeling the lick of something in his lower stomach, making him hold himself on James tighter. "I promised I was going to make you come three times, didn't I? With my fingers, my tongue and my cock."

"Oh, fuck," he gasps a bit, moaning when the sensation grows inside of himself. Feeling so damn needy with the promise James is making to him. 

"I'm going to make this pussy sloppy and easy for me," he promises him. "And then I'll show you how to be fucked properly."

James gets cocky when he's about to fuck you and Regulus is so fucking turned on about it. 

"James, please," he pants against his mouth. 

"Please what, love?" He asks easily, being fucking hot and controlled while Regulus is already a fucking mess. "What do you want?"

"Anything," he replies, rolling his hips to seek more friction. "I want to cum. I want you. Just—"

"I'll take care of you, Regulus," he promises him, sucking at his lower lip. 

Then he's kissing Regulus again, rough and hard, tongue sliding inside of his mouth while he keeps rubbing Regulus' clit, it's too much and not enough at the same time, and Regulus starts grinding down on James' thumb because he needs more. He moans in the middle of the kiss, the desire burning him alive and making his body turn putty in James' hand. 

When his moans already turn into desperate whimpers, James starts moving again, to the stairs. Regulus thinks they're going to his bedroom, but James stops in the middle of the steps and sits Regulus in one of them. He blinks confused, mind hazy and pussy throbbing, he only understands what's happening when James kneels in one of the steps below the one Regulus is sitting in.

And oh. No one ever fucked Regulus in the stairs before, and he thinks James will never be able to see them the same way. 

Regulus feels his hands shaking a bit in anticipation, and James is looking at him with wide pupils. Slowly, he takes his glasses off, putting them one step up the one Regulus is, and when he comes closer, he feels his scent and closes his legs in response, feeling drunk on him. 

James goes back to where he was, and without his glasses his eyes are big and dark, drawing Regulus in like he's casting a spell. His chest is heaving up and down, his heart so strong he feels it everywhere, his ears, his throat, his chest and his cunt. 

Slowly, torturing, James' hands wander through the expanse of Regulus' thighs. Calloused fingers traveling his silk skin, and James holds one of his knees up, lifting by the hand in the back of it, guiding Regulus' thigh to his mouth. 

He gasps softly when James' tongue licks the inside of thigh, he sucks at the skin gently, and Regulus finds his hand on his hair, inducing the action. He's surprised when James bites the same spot, hard enough to force a muffled noise out of Regulus that makes him pull at James' hair. The bite throbs a bit, but Regulus quite likes it, feeling the pain go straight to his cunt. James licks the wound to soothe the sting of the bite, doing the same with the other one. 

It's only now that it gets to Regulus the realization that James Potter, twenty-eight, filthy rich and his brother's best friend is with his head between his thighs. The same James Potter he had a crush on when he was twelve and naive. The same James he has been dreaming about for months. 

And that this James Potter is going to fuck him. 

He's pulsating in need and excitement when James finally holds the waistband of his wet boxers, pulling down slowly and leaving Regulus naked on the lower body, the shirt still on. 

Regulus doesn't feel shy, he never had a problem with people seeing him naked, but it's different with James. James knows what he used to look like, and Regulus wants him to like how Regulus is now. 

"Open your legs for me, love," he tells him. "Let me see you." 

He takes a rushed breath, and slowly, tentatively and teasingly, Regulus opens his legs for James, letting him see how wet and swollen his cunt is for him. 

"Porra," he lets out with a husky, scratching voice. "Look at you, love." His eyes are heavy, wide and hot-looking between his thighs, and all of Regulus' unsureness goes away. Because fuck, James is looking at him with so much want, so much desire that it makes him feel powerful. "Eu vou comer sua buceta bem gostoso, amor."

Regulus has no idea what that means, but it sounds hot, so he'll take it. 

With hands inside of his thighs, James opens his legs wider, and Regulus can feel a little bit of his wetness running down. 

"You're so fucking wet, baby," he tells him, eyes focused on his pussy. James brushes his thumb lightly against his clit and Regulus shivers, hissing with the contact and wanting more. He knows his clit is already swollen, wanting to be sucked. "Hold the shirt up."

Regulus obeys, gripping tightly at the fabric with one hand, trying to keep himself sane. James' other hand caresses the skin of his stomach, and Regulus feels like they're tiny flames against his body. 

"Ah," he comments, finger brushing at his heavenly tattoo. "I was curious about what this one was about."

"Did you like it?" He asks in a hushed breath. 

"Mhm," he hums, kissing the tattoo, very close to where Regulus needs him the most. "Are you telling me your pussy tastes like heaven?" 

"Only a way to find out," he challenges him. 

James laughs, a breathy, low and husky sound, causing goosebumps on Regulus. 

"I guess so."

James kisses his hip bone one more time before he reallocates himself between Regulus' thigh, one hand going to his waist while the other presses Regulus' stomach a bit, to keep him down. And with that, Regulus' life is entirely changed. 

Because James' mouth is on his cunt. 

His tongue teases him first, tasting Regulus like he's a sweet dessert, he moans a bit, hand tightening on James' hair, and with that response, James sucks on his clit, making Regulus' body twitch helplessly and grind a bit against his face. 

James hums against his pussy, the waves of his voice vibrating, and he works his tongue on Regulus' clit, sliding through the slit to enter him. 

"Fuck," Regulus gasps, head falling behind in one of the steps because god, James knows what he's doing. 

When Regulus makes it clear he likes that, James keeps going, he doesn't get hyper-excited and ruins the pace, he's eating Regulus out like it's a mission he will gain a golden medal afterward. His nose brushes against Regulus' clit and he shivers, grinding his cunt against his face as he moans brokenly with the amazing sensation dominating him. 

Regulus has no idea how he lived this long without having James eating him out, because it's one of the best things Regulus ever felt. He works him out just the perfect way, making Regulus' thighs shake and his body burn for him.

His orgasm starts building and he's gripping James' hair so hard he fears he'll rip some strands off, he doesn't know if he's pushing him deeper into his cunt or grinding on his face, he just knows that James lets him, holding him by the stomach but not stopping him. His entire body is twitching, desperately wanting his sweet release. 

Regulus is letting out muffled curses, drawn moans and tiny pleas, feeling out of his mind. 

It's too much and he closes his legs around James' head, only to have him shoving Regulus' legs wide open again, hitting his knee on the handrail, going deeper on his pussy like a starved man. Regulus met a lot of men who didn't like eating pussy, James is clearly not one of them. 

The sound of Regulus' moans with the squelching sound of his pussy being eaten out by James is fucking sinful, and Regulus amazes himself yet again at what's happening right now.

He didn't even fuck Regulus yet, but he thinks James already ruined sex to him. 

"James," he pants out. "James, I'm close." 

Hearing this, James lets go of the hand on Regulus' waist, using his thumb to rub at Regulus' clit while he keeps his tongue inside of him, sucking from time to time when Regulus' noises get too loud. 

His entire body starts trembling slightly, "God, yes. Like that. Fuck, keep going." 

Regulus feels like an offering only made for James, like his body should just belong to him already. His hips jerk, his pussy throbs and his eyes roll back, and with the amount of pleasure building up into his lower stomach, Regulus comes with a loud moan on his lips.

James doesn't stop, helping Regulus to ride his high and holding his spasming body down, fucking delighted with the mess he made of Regulus. 

When he stops, Regulus' body is still pulsing from his orgasms and he feels his limbs heavy. James takes his head from Regulus' cunt, and the image of James with glossy lips from Regulus' cum and dirty face with slick wetness will be forever one of Regulus' favorite views. 

"Took it like a good slut, didn't you?" He asks him, licking his lips to clean himself. Regulus feels his body flushing with the slight degradation, breathing heavily. "You do taste pretty heavenly, love, I must admit." His fingers play with the skin of Regulus' inner thighs, close enough to his cunt. "Makes me want to do it all over again."

"Give me a minute," he breathes out. But it's in vain, because James slips one finger easily inside Regulus and his breath hitches. 

"You made a fucking mess, Reg," he tells him, finger sliding in and out. "You're soaked, baby. Can you feel it?"

Regulus nods, completely in a trance, he never felt so damn bewitched as he is now. 

"Touch yourself," James tells him. 

Without fighting back, Regulus guides his shaky fingers to his pussy, sliding down his abdomen and stopping at his clit. James follows his finger with attention, like he's keeping everything to his memory so he doesn't forget anything. He rubs slowly, feeling how fucking wet he is and gasping softly with the feeling combined with James' finger pumping him. It's not enough to get off, but it causes a soothing tingle in Regulus. 

"See how wet you're, baby?" He asks him nicely. "I'm planning on filling up with my own cum so it's running down your leg."

Regulus should feel embarrassed, but he fucking whimpers with the threat. 

"You'll like that, won't you?" He laughs a bit, adding a second finger inside of his pussy, making Regulus' breath shorten. "Where's your bratness now, love? Imagine what people would think if they knew you turn into a submissive little whore with something inside of your pussy, huh?" 

He flushes, his cheeks heat up, and he gulps. Regulus can be a brat in bed, he can. He can be teasing and fucking sinful, but right now, he feels like a mess. Like his brain is melting and all he wants is to be anything James wants him to. Be used by him and crumble under his hands. He's so deep into this, so ecstatic, that he lost all of his bravado. 

"Are you feeling shy, Regulus?" He teases him.

"No," he manages to reply, his voice a little raspy after the amount of moaning he did. "I think you just fucked my brain out."

"But, Reg," he smirks. "We barely started." 

Without a proper warning, James is holding him up while he stands with Regulus in his arms, and he yelps in surprise with the sudden change of position. James hates him, so he fingers Regulus again, but this time standing on his feet. This angle is different, it makes James' finger touch other parts, and Regulus cries out, feeling a deep pleasurable sensation licking his spine. 

"Let's go to bed," James tells him in his ear, making Regulus shiver. He mouths Regulus' neck, sucking his skin and rasping his teeth, climbing up the stairs while he multitasks. 

He takes his fingers out of Regulus and he feels empty, like a whore in heat or something. James takes him to the last door in the hallway, opening to a big bedroom with a door leading to a bathroom. 

James lies Regulus on the mattress, holding his thighs and kissing the entire length of his neck, behind his ear and sucking at his earlobe, making Regulus get turned on all over again. He takes Regulus' shirt off, leaving him entirely naked while James is still clothed, which is unfair. He stands on the edge of the bed, his hard cock tenting his trousers and his broad shoulders looking threatening.

"Fuck, Regulus," James says breathlessly. "You're so fucking beautiful. Your body was made for me," he reaches out to touch his hips. His waist. Traveling his fingers until they're touching his perky nipples, rubbing them between his index finger and his thumb, making Regulus' back arch. 

"Take your shirt off," Regulus asks him, cunt pulsating in need again, making Regulus buckle on nothing, hoping there was something to ease the ache. 

James allows him this small mercy, taking his shirt off and showing Regulus his hard abdomen and big titties. Regulus wants to bite them. 

"You're so hot," he grunts, almost grumpily. 

James only laughs, like Regulus' distress amuses him. He gets on top of the mattress, caging Regulus under him with hands on the side of his head and knees on the side of his waist. James lowers himself a bit, capturing Regulus' mouth with his and kissing him deeply. Regulus takes the opportunity to touch him, hands traveling through his back, sliding to the front of his body and feeling the hardness of James. Regulus brushes his long fingers against James' nipples feeling him shake slightly with the touch, sucking deviously at Regulus' tongue. He thinks he's addicted to touching James already, which is a huge fucking problem. 

James' hand travels down his lower stomach, finding its way between Regulus' thighs, and he stimulates his clit again, making Regulus moan softly against his mouth. 

"That's it, baby," he soothes him. "Open your legs for me, yeah? One more and then I'm fucking you," he kisses him again, swallowing all of Regulus' noises. James slides his middle finger inside Regulus easily, working a nice rhythm with his thumb on his clit. 

Regulus whines with how oversensitive his pussy still is from the last orgasms, trying to close his legs because of how tender he is, but as soon as he tries, James slaps his pussy hard, making Regulus yelp in pain in pleasure alike. 

"You keep your legs wide open," he warns him against his lips, the sweetness of his kisses the opposite of the strong slap. "You take everything I give you like a good boy. Got it?" 

Regulus is fucked. James is gorgeous, he knows how to eat pussy and he knows how to be fucking hot in bed. Regulus is not sure if he's just predictable, but James didn't try to fill the boxes Regulus doesn't get turned on by, he went straight to the ones that leave Regulus weak on the knee and make him wet.

"Got it, Regulus?" He asks him again, slapping his pussy one more time and making his body jerk with the feeling, clit throbbing with the force of it. 

"Got it," he whispers brokenly. 

James soothes the pain by rubbing his clit again. 

"You learn fast," he mutters, kissing his jaw and licking his earlobe, causing a terrible shiver in Regulus. "I knew you'd like to please and behave like a pretty whore." 

"I knew the nice guy act was bullshit," he rebukes in the middle of a hitched breath. "You get turned on by treating me like a slut, James?"

"But baby," he says teasingly, "I'm just giving you what you want."

"And what do I want?" He asks in a hushed voice. 

"You want to be torn apart," he bites his earlobe, sliding two fingers inside of Regulus' cunt. "Be fucked like nothing but a whore and be praised for your filthiness." The squelching sound of his cunt it's loud and messy, and Regulus feels James' words like fuel to his fire. "You want to be good for me, love. You want my dick inside of your sloppy pussy. You've been wanting it forever now. Tell me, is it better than your dirty dreams?" 

James' fingers hit a perfect spot and Regulus' entire body shivers, like by a single touch, Regulus can be undone. 

"Yes," he pants. "So fucking better."

James hits the same spot again, mercilessly stimulating Regulus' clit, and he lets out a pitched cry, a sound that he wasn't even aware he could let out.

"I think I have a thing for you moaning to me," he tells him like it's a secret. "Here, baby?" He asks, going at it again, and Regulus spasms. "Ah, must be. Look how fucking putty you became when someone is playing with your cunt. Who knew the secret to dominate Regulus Black was making him cum."

"James," he says with a tight, wavery voice. 

"Are you going to come for me again, Regulus?" His tongue licks at the column of his throat, slipping his tongue to the inside of Regulus' mouth. 

He opens his mouth to reply, but a loud moan escapes his mouth, and his hands grip James' biceps strongly, his body pulsating like he's high, completely intoxicated. James is more addictive than any drug Regulus ever did. 

"Come on, love," he says against his mouth. "Clench your warm pussy around my fingers like the good, dirty slut you're and cum for me."

That does it because James' dirty words make Regulus' eyes roll back and his cunt spasm, and Regulus comes for the second time in the night, biting James' lower lip while his body loses the battle to keep Regulus' sane. 

He feels loose and used. So damn ecstatic he swears his body is floating. He shudders, but deep down, Regulus is excited for what comes next. Because James made him a promise, which means that James' cock comes next. 

Regulus wants to know if their chemistry will be good, if his body will be molded to James only and if he'll know how to pleasure Regulus with his cock as well. 

"Good boy," James praises him, kissing his cheek almost sweetly. 

James stands again, leaving Regulus lying on the mattress as a panting mess. He watches him with hooded, tired eyes, Regulus is not sure what James sees, but Regulus himself feels wrecked. With his cum slipping down his sore pussy, heart still beating strongly and legs weak. 

He goes to pick up a package of condoms, throwing them at the bed. Without more words, James pulls his trousers down, showing Regulus his already wet boxers with precum and the hard bulge tenting the dark fabric. 

His happy trail looks edible, and Regulus finds himself sighing dreamingly with the imagination of how James must look naked. 

But he doesn't find out, not yet, at least, because James goes back to bed to kiss Regulus' thighs again, soft and wet kisses, in his hip bones, his belly and his chest. His neck, in the way that makes Regulus shiver, finding his way to Regulus' mouth. 

They kiss again, but Regulus finds himself hungry for James' dick. He hasn't touched it yet, felt it or anything, really. James is gatekeeping a very important thing from Regulus and he wants it. 

With tongue deep inside James' mouth, Regulus sneaks his hand through his abdomen until he stops at James' crotch. His hand grips firmly James' hard cock, feeling the hardness under his palm. James gasps against his mouth, muscles tensing with the new friction. Regulus strokes him above his boxers, delighting himself with James' easy response to it. He wants to pleasure James, he wants to be good for him. Drive him insane the same he did with Regulus and make him come. 

"Can I use my mouth on you?" He asks him, licking at James' lips. 

"Not today, love," he tells him with a hushed breath. "I need to be inside of you." James laughs when Regulus goosebumps with the idea. 

Regulus pulls the waistband of James' boxers down, freeing his dick that sits heavily on his stomach. And fuck. Regulus was right, because James is big. 

He's big and he'll be inside of Regulus. He'll feel him everywhere. For days, hopefully. 

James gets rid of his boxers, nesting himself between Regulus' legs, which is for the best because he's not sure if he has the strength in his legs to do anything other than missionary. James sneaks a pillow under Regulus' lower back, and Regulus watches his dick with almost fascination.

"Keep looking at me like that and I'm fucking you into this mattress," James tells him. 

"I'll feel you for days," he comments quietly, almost dreamily. 

"Good," James smirks. "I want you to feel me everywhere, and after tonight, you'll know no other man will fuck you good like me." He bends Regulus' legs, putting his feet on the mattress and sliding his legs open for him. 

"Cocky, aren't we?" He breathes out in expectation. 

"I know what to do with you, love," he tells him smugly. "Sua buceta já é minha." 

He wonders if James' dirty talk in Portuguese is dirtier than in English. 

James guides his hard cock to Regulus' cunt, slapping the head on his clit lightly and making Regulus squirm a bit. He teases him, looking darkly at Regulus with the head rubbing on his slit, he's so needy for James' dick he almost sinks his hips down to feel the tip, condom be damned. 

But James is far more level-headed than Regulus, so sensing the danger he opens the condom and slides into his length. With that out of their way, James holds the side of Regulus' thighs. 

"Ready to take me, love?" 

"Yes," he bites his lower lip. "Do it. Fuck me, James." 

When James enters him, it's not slow and soft. He's not a brute about it, but Regulus is already so soaked and loose, that his cock slips in easily, making a squelching, obscene sound. 

And when James' cock is inside of Regulus' cunt, he feels in heaven. Not being able to control it, Regulus whimpers, feeling so damn full and sensitive that all of his nerves are ten times more easy to stimulate. James is finally breaking out of his control, and he grunts a moan in relief, making Regulus clench with how strong and big he is on top of Regulus. 

He picks his pace, hitting all the right spots and making Regulus moan, with his back arched and the column of his neck exposed. 

James thrusts inside of him, hard, certain and easily. His hands are all over Regulus while his dick fucks into him. He's not violent without needing to be, he doesn't try to be one of those dominating macho men who think slamming inside of a pussy it's work enough. James knows what he's doing, he fucks Regulus rough but not to hurt him, and when he slides inside of him, he knows the perfect angle to make Regulus tremble helplessly.

Regulus is jealous of every person that had James before him. 

Not wanting to be a damn pillow princess, Regulus revolves his legs around James, sinking his heels on his ass and rolling his hips to match his pace. He cries out with how good it feels, with how perfect James' cock feels inside of his oversensitive cunt. His nails sink into James' back and he can feel the muscles clenching at every single thrust. 

James is cursing roughly in Portuguese, things Regulus can barely comprehend, and it feels so, so good. 

"James," he moans, trying to bring him closer, to get more. 

"You're taking me so well, amor," he says, the languages mixing in the middle of his pleasure. "Clenching around my dick like you want to keep me here forever. This pussy was made for me to fuck, Regulus."

He bites his shoulder in reply, trying to control the pitched scream that wants to rip out of his mouth, and James moans with the sting. He can feel the wave of pleasure building up again, how fucking weak his body is. 

"More," he asks him. "Fuck, James, I need more." 

"Such a greedy slut, aren't you?" He asks him, licking at his collarbone and nipping his teeth at it. 

"Please," he pleads in a needy tone, something that barely sounds like Regulus. 

James grunts against his neck, resting his forehead against Regulus' shoulder. "Fuck, baby, you sound so fucking good begging." 

"James, I need—" he whimpers when he feels teeth around his shoulder. 

"Tell me what you want, Regulus," he tells him, close to his ear. Hot breath caressing his skin and cock fucking into him. 

"You, fucking me harder," he breathes out. "Telling me how good I'm being for you. How much do you want me. Only me," he pants. "I want to shake and sob because it's too much. I want to feel you so deep inside of me I'll feel every time I walk." 

"That can be arranged," he whispers to him almost darkly. 

And then James thrusts into him harder, his finger managing to find Regulus' clit again, teasing him so Regulus can turn into a mess. James is deep inside of him, and Regulus loves it. 

"You're doing so well, love," James says with voice full of tension. He holds one of Regulus' legs up, bending them until his knee is almost at his shoulder. He thrusts into a new angle, going really fucking deep and making Regulus cry out a bit. "Taking me like such a good slut." Regulus clenches around his cock, buckling his hips to feel more of it again, legs shaking slightly. "Are you ready to admit I'm the best yet, love?" 

Annoyingly, James is. 

Regulus is not sure if it's because it's James of all people, but they just work. 

There's so much they still don't know about each other, about their bodies. But right now, at their first time together, Regulus can already confirm that they've really good chemistry. Their bodies talk to each other in a way it never worked for Regulus, James is perfect for him and Regulus wants to explore so much with him. 

They fuck like lovers already, on the first try, and James is the best.

"Ah," he cries out. "I don't— know about that." 

James thrusts inside again, sliding easily. "No?" He pinches Regulus' nipple. "Am I not good enough for your pussy, Regulus? Do you think you can find another man better than me?" 

"Hmph," he lets out, strangled. 

James finds a perfect rhythm, and Regulus knows, he just knows, that James knew this would be the ruin of Regulus. He was just holding back. Because it was good before, it was perfect. But now? Now it turns Regulus' body into ashes. He's catching on fire and his entire body squirms with James' every thrust. Sounds Regulus didn't know he could make escapes his mouth, his nails are practically drawing blood from James' back and he feels his cock everywhere inside of him, making Regulus combust. 

"I want you milking my cock, Regulus," James tells him, with the most filthy tone possible. "And when your cunt clenches around my cock, then you'll know I'll be forever marked inside of you. So be a good boy and show me how soaked I made this pussy, love." 

Regulus almost screams when his orgasm hits, so strong and violent that he holds back a sob. His eyes roll back and he tries to close his legs, but he can't because James is still fucking him, fastening his pace now to seek his own release. And when he does find it, Regulus can feel under his palm all of his muscles twitching and his body jerking while he comes with Regulus' cunt clenching around him. 

They breathe heavily, tired and weak. Sweat all over themselves and their hearts beating fast. 

Regulus hates to admit it. But this was one of the best sex he ever had in his life. 

James gets out of him, and Regulus aches to have him inside again, making Regulus full. 

"Come on, love," James gives him a light tap on his thigh. "Let me get you clean, you made a fucking mess."

"Is this real?" He finds himself asking, eyes wanting to close and body heavy. 

"Yeah, Reg," James laughs a little hoarsely. "This is real."

Regulus doesn't think about tomorrow or the consequences. He just thinks that, after fucking years, he finally had James Potter. 

Even if it was only for an hour, Regulus will forever be cursed by the realization of what it feels like to belong to James. 

With the deep yearning of realizing he wants to be his all over again. 

Chapter Text

When Regulus awakes the next day, he's alone in bed. 

It takes him a few minutes to remember where he is and why, his fuzzy and sleepy brain a little slow, consciousness coming back little by little. 

The first thing he notices is that everything around him smells like James. The pillow his head is at, the sheets, the covers, everything. And it takes a bit for flashes of last night to come back to Regulus, leaving him extremely flushed and turned on by the memory. 

Last night was… Something Regulus thought would happen only in his dreams. He knows it was just sex, but it was perfect. He and James fit like two puzzle pieces coming together, and all of his body got imprinted by his hands or cock. Worst of all, Regulus wants it again. 

He's not sure how it would work, James is not just a random man Regulus met one night, they have story, he has a life very close to Regulus' and a kid, something Regulus is not sure where to fit into a relationship or his life, but still, he wants James again. Needs him. Whatever he could get from him, he'll grab it. Regulus is not even sure if he wants the promise of a relationship or just to be friends with benefits, he also doesn't think it matters. He's not head over heels so Regulus is trying to be rational, and rationally tells him that having a relationship with James right now is not necessary, but if James wants one, Regulus thinks he would be okay with it. 

He sits in bed, feeling his body sore as well as his cunt, looking down at marks on his thighs and hips. Regulus licks his lips watching the purple blooming in his pale skin, Regulus always bruises easily, and just a hard grip on his skin is enough to leave the mark behind, which means his neck is probably marked as well. He likes it. Likes that his entire body is now poisoned by James' existence. That he'll feel him every time he walks and see him all over his skin. It proves to him that it was real, that they did have sex. 

It's almost surreal to realize he had sex with James Potter of all people, because that's not what Regulus was expecting to happen when he moved back to London. He knew James would be around sometimes, but he never entertained the idea of them becoming closer and fucking. 

He doesn't want to think about last night as a fluke. They were sober, drunk only in lust, but conscious about their decisions and that needs to be enough. Regulus feels like they made a decision last night, and he wants to believe James is not cruel enough to go back on his decision. 

Last night Regulus was so tired they didn't have time to talk about things, James cleaned him up with soft kisses on his shoulder and he started to doze off, barely remembering how he got into bed. 

He looks around James' bedroom, only now noticing the decor because he was quite occupied last night. James' room is decorated in brown tones and a little dark red. It's big, a big bed with a deep brown frame, black sheets and red covers. There are nightstands from both sides with luminaries, a small closet with glass walls and a cozy sofa in the corner. The door to the bathroom is open, showing Regulus the light decor inside the room. The big window is covered with curtains, blocking the light from outside. 

Regulus gets out of bed with aching legs and back, yawning a bit. He notices his clothes from yesterday clean, dried and folded in the nightstand by the side he slept, and Regulus grabs the clothes, walking to the bathroom. 

He takes a quick shower, changing the shirt he used yesterday into his clothes, the turtleneck he used hiding the big, purple mark on the base of his neck and his hair hiding the one under his ear. He brushes his teeth with a new toothbrush he finds in one of James' cabinets, feeling more human despite the little pain all over his body. 

He leaves the bedroom, following the slight noise downstairs, flushing when he remembers what happened on those same stairs last night, and stopping at the entrance of the kitchen, watching quietly James cooking breakfast. Regulus can't believe this same man was inside of him yesterday. That he now knows how hard James' shoulder is under his palms and how his back spasms when he's coming. 

He's wearing only sweatpants, hair messy and posture relaxed now that he thinks he's alone, and Regulus scratches his throat to gain his attention. 

James turns around, staring at Regulus with a little smile, one that's not bright or very genuine, but Regulus pushes the worry down, trying not to freak out because he wants to believe James is different. 

"Good morning," he says. 

"Morning," Regulus replies, walking to the stools to sit, elbows on the countertop of the kitchen island. 

"Did you sleep well?" 

"Like the dead," he smiles a bit. 

"You were pretty tired," he notices. Before Regulus can reply with a bratty remark, James asks, "Do you want breakfast? I don't have a chai latte, but I can make tea, since you don't drink coffee." 

"Tea with milk it's good enough," he tells him, feeling a little flutter that James remembered Regulus doesn't drink coffee. 

James nods, turning around again to make Regulus' tea and cook him some toast. It's quiet, the type of silence that holds a but in the air, something that needs to be addressed but neither of you wants to. It makes Regulus restless. 

"So, do you have something to do after this?" He asks nonchalantly. 

"I have to pick Harry up at eleven, and then we're going for lunch," He replies easily. A part of Regulus hopes James will invite him, will tell him he should stay and he can drop Regulus off before that. Anything, really. But James doesn't, he lets the conversation die again, barely staring at Regulus. 

He closes his fists tightly behind the counter, trying to read all the red flags in the fucking situation and not knowing what he's supposed to say. 

The silence drags on, and Regulus is almost reaching for his phone in his back pocket to send a text to his friends or maybe tweet a lot of nonsense, but James puts the mug in front of him with his toasts in a plate, and Regulus distracts himself by eating. 

When he's almost finished, James eventually says the four words Regulus started to associate with headaches and pangs in the heart. 

"We need to talk."

He puts his mug on the countertop slowly, lifting his head to stare at James on the other side, holding at the edge of the counter and looking with serious eyes at Regulus. He wonders distantly if James is about to lecture him. 

"Okay," he lets out. "Talk, then." Because Regulus is not going to be the first one to talk shit, not when he's already feeling he's about to fall on his ass. 

It's hard to know, but Regulus does have some self-preservation, and though he puts himself in stupid situations, he knows how to recognize when shit it's about to hit the fan so he can at least protect the rest of himself that's still standing. Regulus can turn his walls down with the same easiness he can pull them up again. Anger always came easily to the Blacks, after all. 

"What happened yesterday," he starts saying, slowly, too slowly, like he's afraid of Regulus' reaction. "We can't do that again. It was a mistake."

A mistake. 

A fucking mistake. 

Regulus feels his lungs hurting like they're contracting inside of his chest and he feels something bitter in his tongue. 

In all his life, Regulus was called a mistake a ton of times, and even if the accusation wasn't voiced out loud, he could feel how much of a mistake people thought him to be. 

He just never thought James, nice, kind and decent James, was going to say the same thing. 

And the fact that Regulus thought he was going to be different leaves him really fucking mad. At James for making him believe in something that wasn't true and at himself, for yet again, fall into the web of a guy who was going to fuck him only to regret the next day when shit got too real. 

Fuck, Regulus is such an idiot. He almost starts laughing at his own stupidity. 

He thought that, even if James didn't actually admit things and was toying with him a bit, he was decent enough to not fuck him just to call him a mistake the next day. 

"A mistake," he replies. His voice is cold now, apathetic, like all the warmth he reserved for James died. 

James sighs, rubbing his eyes like he already knew this was the type of reaction he'd get, which probably leaves Regulus more mad, because what the fuck was he expecting? Regulus to be cool with it, say fine, and then walk away and pretend they're still friends? 

"Look, this wouldn't work out," he starts explaining, like Regulus is the one who needs convincing when it's probably James. "You're younger, your life is starting now and I'm— I'm a father, Harry comes in the first place, always. It'll be nice at first, but then you'll start to get mad that my attention won't be equally divided between you and him, and I also won't ask you to be all in because that's a really fucking big responsibility to put on a twenty-two years old. Trust me, I'd know," he laughs dejectedly. "And if we can't be in a serious relationship, I'm also not going to fuck you on occasion behind your brother's back."

Regulus is trying to remember when exactly he said he wanted to think about the future like that. James decided all, apparently, and Regulus didn't even have his opinions asked for. 

"Glad you already figured all by yourself," he nods numbly, getting off of the stool. 

"Regulus," James calls him. "Please, talk to me about this."

"What do you want me to say?" He asks rhetorically, trying to control the anger and the fucking hurt from his voice. "You were the one who said you'd never touch me and broke your own decision. You were the one who suggested we should be friends and pretended we were just having friendly hangouts when both of us knew it was more than that. Who flirted with me, texted me, tried to get close every fucking time. Who made me open up to you so you could know me. Then you fuck me and tell me it was a mistake," his voice wavers in anger. "And now apparently you already saw our entire future and decided things for me, so fuck you, James." 

Regulus let him do all of that, it's true. He liked the attention and craved it. He desired James' eyes on him like a junkie. But Regulus is not the same as he was one year ago, the Regulus that would say okay quietly but show up again and give in when it eventually happens one more time. Now, Regulus can at least put an end to it before he gets too caught up on James. 

"We can still—"

"If you say be friends I swear to god I'm throwing this fucking plate on you," he threatens him. "We were never just friends and If I'm a mistake, you're going to leave me the hell alone. I'm done looking the other way while both of us know damn well that you want me, and I want you. If you're too much of a coward to keep me, then I'm leaving."

"Can we please talk about this?" James asks with voice tight. 

"No, we can't," Regulus doesn't care if he's being irrational and too emotional about this. He has a record of this, and he won't let James be one more on his list. He's also too tired of always ending up in the same fucking place. "When you stop being a fucking pussy about this, you know where I live. But if you're just going to tell me all the reasons we shouldn't, then you can go fuck yourself." 

And with that, he starts walking out of the kitchen. 

"Regulus, let me at least drop you home," James offers, and the fact that he wants to play the good guy in this situation leaves him even more mad. 

"No, I don't want to be in a car with you," he denies, shaking his head. "I'm fine on my own, thanks. You can keep your precious time to yourself."

And without waiting for an answer, he walks to the front door, grabs his coat and closes the door with a loud noise. 

He hates himself, and a part of him hates James too, for allowing Regulus to get close only to burn him.

That's the problem with the sun, it turns you into ashes when you get too close. And obviously, Regulus didn't learn shit from Icarus. What a fucking idiot. 

He doesn't know why this always happens to him, it's like Regulus is never deserving of anything good in his life. No one makes an effort to try to keep him, they all have their easy way with him, appreciate his body, tell him he's pretty and then discard him like a stained dress when the next day comes. 

No matter how attractive Regulus makes himself, people leave him. And when he tries to give a real piece of himself hoping it'll be enough, they leave him again. 

Regulus just wants someone who will stay. 

He gets James points, in some part of his fury, he knows James has a busy life, that being with him means committing to Harry as well at some point and knowing he'll always come in second place, and that Regulus has no idea how to interact with children or be a serious person because he's twenty-two and extremely lost about every little aspect of his life. 

But it stings that James simply decided he wasn't worth the try and called him a mistake. 

It's almost laughable. Of course this would happen to him. Even the nice guys end up being jerks to Regulus, it's just his karma. 

He's thinking about catching the tube when his day turns worse, because Dorcas passes through him on the street and stops in her tracks, watching Regulus up and down with dark, attentive eyes. 

Regulus totally forgot she lives down the street with Lily. 

She's not looking at him with judgment, but she clearly can see a walk of shame when she sees one, and the fact that Regulus is fuming in front of James' house is very incriminating. 

"Hi," he ends up saying, because it's not like he could just ignore her. 

"Hi," she replies with an arched brow. "Leaving so early?" 

He grits his teeth. "Seems like it. What about you?" He points at her. 

"Morning jog," she says. 

"Right," he nods. "I was about to leave, so."

"Regulus," she calls him when he's already moving, making him stop. "Do you want a ride?"

The idea of being in a car with Dorcas when she clearly knows, or at least suspects, why Regulus is leaving James' place so early makes him want to die, but Dorcas works trying to convince people to her benefit, so Regulus knows he'll lose the battle if she really wants to give him a ride. 

"I don't want to impose," he tells her. "And you were in the middle of your jog, I can just catch the tube." 

"The closest tube station is fifteen minutes by walking, I can at least give you a lift to the station," she offers. "I was already finished, it's not a problem." 

"Fine," he sighs. 

"Just stay here, I'll be right back."

"Can you—" He stops himself, hating this fucking situation. "Can you not tell Lily about me?" 

"Not tell my fiancée I just saw you doing the walk of shame from her kid's dad's house?" She asks rhetorically, the ghost of a smirk somewhere. "Of course, it can be our secret." 

Regulus wants to kill himself. 

"Thanks."

She winks at him, running to the end of the street to her house. She comes back in her black car, parking close to James' house and Regulus gets in, thanking the heater because he was starting to get cold. 

The ride is short and very quiet, Regulus thinks he likes Dorcas more now that she didn't try to fish for what happened. Regulus could've denied the truth and stuck to the original story, that he was wet from the rain and slept in the guest's bedroom, but something tells him Dorcas would see the truth anyway. She parks in front of the station and Regulus is about to say thanks before she interrupts him.

"Look, I know it's not my business and I'm not trying to defend James' honor because he's a man and he's stupid and whatever is the reason for your anger, I'm sure he asked for it," she starts saying. "But go easy on him, yeah? He's really stupid, but he tends to decide what's better for everyone other than himself. He forgets to be selfish and often ends up fucking things, but that's just because he's too scared of things blowing up and hurting people in the process. So, yes, he was probably an idiot, but he's a good guy." 

Regulus knows this, he knows James is a good guy and that, in his head, there's probably a noble reason why he can't have Regulus. But Regulus doesn't give a fuck about noble reasons or what's safer for himself. He just wanted James and he decided they were a mistake before Regulus could give his opinion. 

James might be a good guy, but he did lead Regulus to this only to fuck him and close the door in his face, which was fucked and allows Regulus to be fucking pissed. 

"And for the record," she goes on, "I liked the idea of you two. James needs some trouble in his life so he can remember he's a person who's allowed to live once in a while." 

Regulus blinks, surprised by the information. He never associated James with a person who doesn't allow himself to live. 

"Thanks, but that's probably never happening," he tells her, trying to keep the bitterness to himself. 

"What a pity," she comments. 

"Thank you for the ride."

"No problem," she winks at him. "I see you around."

Not likely, but Regulus doesn't tell her that. He'll be running away from James for the rest of his life now, or at least until he can find a replacement and forget everything about James Potter. 

His hands on his skin, his eyes on his body, his lips against his and the way he called Regulus pretty things and melted him with his touch. 

"Sure," he says. "Bye."

Regulus leaves the car in a bit of a rush, and he refuses to try to tame his anger for James' benefit and understanding. Regulus is hurt and feeling like shit, and whatever good reasons James might have had it's not important right now. Because Regulus doesn't want to know a single thing about James anymore. 

He doesn't want to think about him or about what happened. He wants to wash him away completely, even if he fears it's impossible. 

He should've listened to Pandora, but as always, Regulus always ends up fucking things up for himself. 

James Potter is just one more name on the list of Regulus' mistakes. 

If Regulus spent his weekend listening to sad music and watching comfort TV shows, it's no one's problem but his. James tries to call him in the meantime, but Regulus got annoyed at that and blocked his number when he realized he was about to reply to his texts in a weak moment. 

He had time to think about everything since he got home, and Regulus decided for once and for all that he wasn't going to put himself in the same position again. If James wanted him, he'd need to try to win him back with a lot of groveling, and if he doesn't want Regulus like that, he'll stay the fuck away from James.

Because the truth is, he could never only be James' friend. 

Maybe at first he could, when Regulus felt nothing but just a flutter in his stomach talking to him and thought James was hot. When he was just someone he heard of more than truly knew. But as soon as the flirting started to happen, the more Regulus started to learn more of James, had him in his days and opened up to him, he knew he couldn't. He was lying to himself thinking he could, but after their first time, Regulus knew he was already ruined. 

He's hurt and mad altogether, especially at himself for believing James could be different. And part of him wants to believe there's an explanation, but Regulus is probably just trying to right James' wrongs like an idiot because he likes him way too much.

But it's fine, Regulus had it worse and he survived, James Potter caused a mess of feelings and desires in Regulus, but it's not going to kill him, he's sure of it. 

Yes, it hurts that Regulus thought James really liked him enough to keep him and received an "it was a mistake" but James is just a man.

One that fucks really good, kissed him until his knees were weak, touched all of him and whispered filthy, dirty—

"Regulus," Barty calls him through the speaker, his frown taking the iPad's screen. "Keep going, and then what?" 

"Then nothing," he shrugs, eating his ice cream because he thinks he deserves it. "He just said all the reasons he thought we shouldn't be together and I screamed at him and left. Blocked him yesterday and that was it. He doesn't want me, he just wanted to fuck me to decide we're a mistake and call it a day."

"Do you want us to fly to London?" Evan immediately asks. He can be a bitch sometimes, but Evan is actually pretty soft. He would do anything for his loved ones, including come to London. 

"And punch daddy Potter in the face," Barty adds. 

He smiles a bit. 

"You don't need to, really," he replies. "I'm hurt, my ego is a bit bruised and I'm really mad, but I'm fine on my own."

"Well, if you do want some comfort, I'm always free to travel there," Evan offers. 

"Thanks, Evan, you're a sweetie."

"I take it back, I hope you fucking die," he deadpans, and Regulus laughs. 

Pandora is awfully quiet, staring at Regulus with pensive eyes, like she can see underneath Regulus and realize James' actions actually took a chunk out of him. 

It did, but Regulus doesn't want to admit that. If he starts to acknowledge how much power James already has over him, he'll hate himself even more. 

"What is it?" Regulus asks softly, looking at her. 

Barty and Evan turn their heads to Pandora as well, and she hugs her legs close to her chest. 

"I knew this would happen, that's all," she says softly. "And I worry about you."

"It's okay, Dora."

"Is it, though?" She asks him. "You opened up to him, you were close and he was one of the only people you had around yourself there. You thought he wouldn't cross the line if he wasn't serious about you, and now this." She shakes her head a bit. "It's not okay, I can see you breaking over this. Don't lie to us, it's safe here." 

He hates when Pandora sees right through him. 

"I just—" he sighs. "I really fancy him and for a second I just thought— I thought he saw something in me worthy." 

James was the one who told Regulus he was fascinating, told him he was beautiful when Regulus was actually snarling at him. Who told Regulus he was worthy of a little burn. Regulus thought this meant something, but apparently not. James could even like Regulus, but he probably didn't mean half the things he said, because if he did, he would be with Regulus right now and not calling him a mistake.

"God, I don't know why I always do that," he finds himself laughing dejectedly, a burn of hatred for himself burning in his stomach. "I'm always falling for guys that don't want me besides sex. They fuck me, and then I'm a mistake or they just want to be friends. I don't know why I always end up like this," he confesses, though he knows the answer, "Pinning over men who don't want me. And I just feel so fucking stupid because I thought he really liked me. I thought we had something. I thought he was different."

"Well, he is a man," Evan comments, and Barty elbows him in the rib. 

"Not helping, Rosie."

"Honestly, Regulus, this time it's not even your fault," Evan tells him. "You normally go around guys that basically hate you and treat you like shit, but all of us genuinely thought he was decent. I mean, he was being a fucking tease but none of us believed he would do something like this. You were kind of obsessed with him but for once I got it. He's hot, you had a crush on him when you were a kid and he treated you really well, which is an upgrade coming from you," Barty elbows him again. "My point is, this time, it was really unexpected because we thought he liked you too. At least enough to not be a fucking asshole with you."

Knowing his friends are on his side this time it's relieving. They're always on Regulus' side one way or another but not always they support Regulus because sometimes he just does stupid shit. But not now. Though Regulus was already in too deep when they were supposed to be anything but friends, he wasn't delusional in thinking James was different. 

"Dorcas told me he probably thought it was for the best or something," he comments. 

"Who is Dorcas?" Barty asks. "Are you cheating on me?" 

Regulus rolls his eyes. "She's Lily's fiancée." 

"The stepmother," Pandora offers.

"Okay, got it," he nods. "What does she have to do with this?"

"She saw me leaving James' place," he confesses, cheeks flushing a bit in embarrassment. "She lives down the street and she definitely knows what happened." 

"And she told you that?" Evan asks. 

"She said that James is really bad at being selfish, which can mean he said all of that because of something else," he explains. "But I don't want to think about that because I'm done trying to find excuses for men. And I mean, he was partially right in what he said to me, being with him wouldn't be like all the other guys, James is a good father, he cares about his family and I would need to fit in between them to make it work, even if I don't know shit about how to deal with children and date a father. Being casual it's out of the question because I'm Sirius' brother and I know James wouldn't fuck me behind my brother's back if he's not serious about me. But I— I think I would want to try, with him. I think that I could like him enough to want that. You know I avoided relationships after—," he swallows dryly, "But with James, I could want it, if I could only feel what it would be like." 

"Are you sure you don't want us to fly there to punch him?" Barty asks again, trying to cheer Regulus up. 

"Maybe he's trying to save you from the burden. Maybe he's traumatized because of a past relationship," Pandora says. "But as you pointed out, trying to find excuses it's in the past, and if he already knew all of that, there was no point in fucking you only to remain with the same assumption." 

"I guess," he mumbles.

"Hey, Reg," Barty calls him. "No man who can't choose you no matter the consequences deserves you, okay? You're worth everything, and if he can't see that to have you, then he's better off." 

"And fuck James Potter," Evan adds. 

"Exactly," Pandora nods in support. "You did well in blocking him and screaming at him, I'm proud of you."

"You should've thrown the chair at him," Evan tells him. 

"Babe, remember that time you told me you wanted a threesome with someone other than Regulus and I threw a potplant on you?" Barty laughs. Regulus was there, they weren't even dating. 

"You shouldn't sound so proud of that, B," Pandora sighs. 

"He deserved it."

"I did," Evan confirms. 

"I swear you fell in your head when you were a kid," she tells her brother. 

"Probably," he shrugs easily, bringing Barty close so he's resting on Evan's chest, sitting between his legs. "What are you going to do now?"

"Ignore him for the rest of my life," he replies. Regulus can't think about reencountering James so soon, he wouldn't be able to pretend he's not mad and it didn't hurt him. 

The worst is that Regulus trusted him on some level. Not only with personal shit but with the belief that James wouldn't have him only to throw him away, and James broke this trust. He proved to Regulus that even someone who said all of that to him couldn't keep him. Didn't want it. Used him and then didn't want him anymore. And it stung, because Regulus thought that the kind guy who amused a lonely kid and soothed a broken adult wouldn't do the same thing everyone did with Regulus at some point, and look at him now. 

"You can't be friends with him again," Pandora warns him. "And I mean it, Reg. By doing that you'll put yourself in the same place again and it will keep hurting. Cut him off now and stay away." 

"I will," he promises her, and this time he'll follow her advice. 

"With that being said," Barty claps his hands together. "Tell me the horny details, does he fucks good? Is he really, really hot? How big his dick is? Does he fuck better than Evan?"

"What does Evan have to do with this?" Regulus asks unimpressed. 

"Why are you asking about the size of another guy's dick?" Evan asks at the same time, pinching Barty's waist. 

"For the narrative," Barty squirms. "And well, Evan is a sex god to me, and you were fucked by him so you know this," he does, "So if he's better than Evan, then—"

"Then nothing because my dick is the only one you're sitting for the rest of your life," Evan says easily. Pandora looks like she wants to kill herself on live. 

"Yes, he's big, yes he fucked me better than Evan now stop being a weirdo," Regulus grunts. 

"I revoke my best friend's title," Barty pouts. "You don't want to give me details. Do you hate me?" 

"Not everyone likes to share like you," Pandora comments with a little jab. 

"Says the girl who likes to fuck her twink with five people watching and masturbating to it."

"Xeno is not a twink!" 

"Keep telling yourself that, babe," he laughs. 

"I'm french! It's in my blood," Pandora pouts. 

"Nuh-uh, your brother is french and I'm not letting anyone masturbate to him," Barty lifts a finger to her face. 

"My hero," Evan says with a smirk. 

"You're all so fucking weird," Regulus comments, smiling despite himself. He wouldn't change them for anything in the world. 

"At least we managed to make you smile," Pandora grins at him.

"Always," he says softly. 

Men come and go, Regulus will get over it. But his friends? They're forever, no matter in which country. 

"You look like shit."

Regulus looks up, staring at Emma with arms crossed looming over his table. She's wearing black heeled boots, leather coat and plaid trousers. 

"Thank you, Emma."

"What happened to you?" She asks, voice flat but with a little curiosity in her eyes. "This week, every time you come into the office you look like you haven't been sleeping and it's facing the horrors."

"I'm fine," he ends up replying. 

And he is. Mostly. 

He's fine in the sense that he's not crying or heartbroken. He misses James' casual texts, misses hearing about Harry other than through Sirius, misses telling him about his days, the books he's reading and stories from Beauxbatons. But he's fine. 

Sometimes he ends up staying awake at night thinking about everything that happened, feeling himself getting hot with the memories and all the things James did with him. But also remembering how his stomach dropped the other day when James said they made a mistake. Regulus did his share at therapy, rambling about how he thinks he's never going to be enough just like he wasn't for his father and how much he hates himself, but that's something Regulus tries to push down because he hates to admit this last episode brought him back to past situations. 

But he is fine. 

He's just not sleeping a lot, but other than that, Regulus is a functioning human. 

"Am I lacking in my work?" 

"No."

"See? I'm fine then."

"That's capitalism's measure of fine," she comments. "What happened?" She asks again. 

"A long fuckin story," he ends up saying, sighing a bit.

She seems to think about something. "Come on, get up, we're going for drinks."

"What?" He asks, surprised. 

He wouldn't say his relationship with Emma is at the level where they go out for drinks. They drink coffee together sometimes, but most of their conversations are about work or about how much Emma despises Emmeline. He must be looking really miserable, after all. 

"It's Halloween, I'm not letting you mope about something when you could be partying. You're young, so let's go get some drinks."

"Halloween it's next week," he informs her, but gets up the same way. 

"All October is reserved for Halloween," she rolls her eyes. "I know a place."

And with that, they end up going to a pub a few minutes from work. It's small with a TV on passing some old music clips and a long bar, it's a little too crowded but Emma manages to get a table for them. 

As soon as the drinks arrive, Emma asks: "So? What's the story there?" 

Regulus takes one big gulp from his cosmopolitan, thinking the best way to explain to Emma what happened. 

"I had sex with my brother's best friend," he ends up saying. "And I really liked it, because I liked him since I was twelve, probably, and now I'm an adult so he's interested in me and I thought he wanted me. So we had sex. After he told me we should never have sex because of my brother and all the other reasons. But we did. And it was good, it was the best sex of my life, then comes the next day and he tells me it was a mistake and we would never work out anyway. So that's what happened, I guess."

He finishes his cosmopolitan at once, feeling the alcohol burning on his tongue. 

Emma is looking at him with a blank expression, but then she sighs, relaxes against the booth and says, "I think we should order more alcohol."

And then Regulus just… explodes. 

He tells Emma every single thing, realizing it's kind of freeing to just start cursing James and recounting what happened in chronological order. He tells her about when he was a kid and James made him blush, and about how he forgot everything about James Potter at some point but how everything came back once he was in London again. 

Emma is a good listener, she hums in agreement, tells Regulus he was right about thinking what he thought and doesn't interrupt him when he's in the middle of a rambling. 

The more Regulus reveals, the more drunk he gets. He starts feeling himself getting clumsy, his mind a little slow and his words a little slurred, but it feels good. To just let it out and vent to someone who's not worried about Regulus like he might break. To have fun even in his disgrace. 

Emma is not exactly warm or easygoing, but she matches Regulus and he enjoys her company. 

"—And he's so beautiful, Emma," he groans. "Like. Perfect Adonis. He's like the type of guy Taylor Swift writes songs about."

"Not true, she only writes about ugly, white guys," she comments, sipping at her pint. 

"I guess you're right," he frowns. "But he's really perfect."

"Except when he's being a jerk."

"Yeah," he breathes out. "Do you think I was being naive and too hopeful? That he might have wanted me?"

"A bit naive, maybe, but I don't think you were too far off from hoping you could be something," she replies. "But have you really stopped to think about it? Before sitting at his dick, I mean?"

"What do you mean?" He blinks slowly at her. 

"About what you wanted with him? Did you stop to think if you would want a serious relationship with him or just something casual? Or a one-night stand."

"No…"

She looks at him unimpressed. 

"Look, Regulus," she starts to gesticulate her hand like she wants to explain something. "He's pushing to thirty soon, man at thirty want either serious commitment or fuck a lot of people before they can only find lovers offering them money."

"James wouldn't need to, trust me, I know his dad and I would do his dad." Monty is hot. 

"I didn't need to know that," she comments. "But still, he's probably a relationship guy, he'd probably want something serious. And with that, you'd need to be on family vacations, be all lovey-dovey with his kid. Did you stop to think about that?"

"No," he confesses. 

"Exactly," she nods to herself. "I bet he could smell that on you, and you said he was a young dad, so I also bet he knows making you commit to him will only slow your own life."

"It wouldn't," he refuses. "There's nothing much happening in my life at the moment, I already did a lot of shit."

"Yeah, but you're starting your professional life now. You're building a new life here, it would be your first serious relationship while you're living on your own. These things hold some heaviness, and he's a dad, with a stable job and too much experience," she says. "I'm not saying it wouldn't work, mind you. But if you don't stop to think about these things, you also can't live without thinking about tomorrow. And trust me, I bet this guy thought about ten years from now already." 

"Why would he think about that if we just fucked?" He laments. 

"It doesn't mean you'd need to be in his life the next day," she rolls her eyes. "He probably would only introduce you to his family as his boyfriend much later, but still, you need to know what you want."

"Why does it matter if he already knows what he wants?" 

"I don't think he chose what he wanted."

"How do you know that?"

"Just a feeling," she shrugs, not explaining shit. Maybe Emma is a witch, that's why she knows things. 

"I'm just going to kill myself," he decides. "I'm tired of men, I wish all of them died." 

"I'm sure of it," she snorts. 

Regulus rests his back on the booth, too drunk already to think about everything Emma is telling him. But it's not really his fault, is it? James told Regulus they wouldn't happen, so why would he start creating fantasies about a life with James? It would just be torture material, and Regulus already was suffering from horny thoughts, so it's not on him, really. 

He bets James didn't think about a future with him either. 

Regulus watches the pub, until his eyes stop at someone he definitely knows. 

"Isn't that Emmeline?" He asks a little slurredly. 

Emma moves her head so fast that her neck snaps. 

"It is her," she confirms. 

"She looks like she's alone."

"She's probably waiting for someone," Emma says. 

"Let's discover that," he nods, getting up already. 

"What? No!" Emma protests a little too low. "Sit back, Regulus."

"I can't leave my dear friend alone in the bar if she was stood up," he says. "That's just rude." 

"I hate you."

"Be right back," he grins at her. Regulus walks to Emmeline, sitting alone in the bar and typing furiously on her phone. She's wearing her hair down, a beautiful dark blue dress and high heels. "Hello, there."

She lifts her head a bit startled, frowning when she looks at Regulus. "I didn't realize you were here."

"Surprise," he smiles at her. 

"Are you drunk?"

"I'm going through something," he tells her, as if it explains everything. 

"Fair," she sighs. "I'm also going through something."

"What happened?" 

"Tinder date stood me up and said he's back with his ex," she drinks all of her Long Island iced tea. 

"You should sit with us, then."

"Us?" She squints her eyes a little bit suspiciously. 

"Emma is here." 

Emmeline immediately searches for her, eyes hardening when they stop at Emma. Regulus think it's so stupid that they don't like each other when they actually just want to fuck. 

"What an awesome idea," Regulus thinks she just said that to piss Emma off. He doesn't care either way. 

He takes Emmeline to their table, and Emma's eyes stop at the skin of Emmeline's legs showing, he almost rolls his eyes. 

"Vance."

"Vanity."

Regulus loves how their initials are the same and their names sound similar. He almost starts laughing, realizing he's really drunk or at least getting there. 

"Look at us," he smiles. "All together, being friends and co-workers."

Emma frowns her nose as if in disgust, she's really not subtle about how much she wants Emmeline naked. 

"Why are you drowning your sorrows?" Emmeline asks, sitting by Regulus' side and stealing his pint. 

"I fucked my brother's best friend and he doesn't want me anymore," he tells her. 

She looks at Emma to get some explanation. "It's a long story," she says. 

"I have time."

"Why are you here?" She asks her. 

"My date stood me up, Vanity," she replies. "Now? What's the story?"

So Emma tells Emmeline, and Regulus gets distracted sometimes at his own story being recounted, but he adds some input in the conversation, like how hot James is, which should be named even if he's an asshole. An asshole that fucks Regulus really well. An asshole Regulus wants to kiss again. Unblock his number and send him a text. 

No, Regulus, he thinks drunkenly. Bad, Regulus. 

Emmeline doesn't offer too much advice, maybe because she can see that Regulus is not in the right mind to have one of those, but she does say James is a prick. 

At some point, Emmeline is also a little drunk, and she stops glaring at Emma even if Emma is still glaring at her. Emmeline tells them the story of her Tinder date that was apparently a stupid asshole, and Regulus shares his own stories about Grindr dates. Emma doesn't participate because she doesn't use relationship apps, but she seems amused by Regulus' stories. 

Regulus has the impression they're becoming real friends, at least Regulus with them, Emmeline and Emma are another story completely. They're flirting, Regulus thinks, but it's so subtle and carries so many snarky comments he's getting lost. 

But this feels nice, an opportunity to get rid of the shit that happened with James. He barely thinks about how much he hates him right now, though he's missing him more than he allows himself to miss him sober, but still. 

It's late when Emma decides for both of them they should leave, and she insists on driving Regulus home. 

"I'm good on my own," he promises her. "I live reallyyy close."

"You can't barely walk," she says unimpressed. 

"I can!" He walks to prove her a point, a little unbalanced but he does. 

"Get in the car, Black." Emmeline laughs. "You too, Vance."

"I can order an uber," she says, staring intently at Emma. 

"No," Emma replies. "I'm giving you a ride, get in." 

Emmeline doesn't even hesitate before she opens the passenger's seat door. Regulus also gets in, giving Emma very poor directions to his flat. 

She magically finds his place, dropping Regulus off and telling him to drink some fucking water if he doesn't want to hate himself in the morning, to which Regulus replies with a drunk mumble. 

He gets to his flat, feeling a little lonely all of a sudden. And he tries to picture it, coming home to someone waiting for him, to shower him and make him drink water. 

He imagines, and his heart aches a bit. 

Regulus picks Nix up and goes to his room, falling into bed and letting sleep cling to him. 

And if he dreams about James, then it's probably because of the alcohol. 

It happens out of nowhere when Regulus is barely ready for it. 

He's in the grocery store, and maybe it's Regulus' fault because it's not the one close to his flat since that one doesn't have his precious ice cream. Regulus is checking the price of some juices when he sees him.

James. 

Wearing a hoodie and jeans, relaxed while strolling his cart. Totally focused on his shopping. And walking in Regulus' direction. 

He panics, Regulus is not proud of that but he does. He hasn't seen James for almost three weeks, and Regulus has been good at ignoring him and not thinking about him. 

He's lying. Not thinking about James is actually impossible, especially when Regulus is alone with his thoughts. But he has been good at ignoring James, and if he stalked him a bit on Instagram then no one needs to know. But to actually see James? Regulus is not ready for that.

So he does the best thing he can think of, he hides so James doesn't see him. Like an idiot. 

It's just that Regulus was believing faithfully that he wouldn't need to see James for months before crossing paths with him. He knows that at some point, he would need to be in the same place as him, because Sirius is still in the middle of them, making them have some link, but Regulus thought it would be much later after that stupid night. Not so soon. 

He barely got himself back together, or made his peace with how things happened. Plus, Regulus didn't find a rebound either so now it looks like he's pathetic and got hooked up on the first fuck. 

Regulus hides behind the cereal shelf, thinking about just going away and leaving the ice cream behind, but then he feels stupid. He's an adult, he can face the guy who fucked him and then dumped him in the grocery store, Regulus can be mature. 

"Regulus?" 

He's lying. Again. He can't face James at all and he fights the impulse of just walking away without acknowledging him. 

He turns around, now looking at James with a blank expression. He looks good, unfortunately, and Regulus hates it. Regulus himself has dark bags under his eyes and his hair is a mess, but James looks like he normally does, gorgeous and expensive. 

"Hi."

James just keeps looking at him as if he saw a ghost and Regulus wants to hide. He hates the way James is looking at him. Hates how his body gets hot under his clothes and how he remembers all too well every little thing James did to him. Hates how he wants it again. 

How there's a part of Regulus that's intimate and James saw it all. 

"You're a little away from your place," he says, voice a little low. 

"This is the only store that has my favorite ice cream."

"I see," he nods a bit, eyes darting through Regulus' face. They stay in silence for a beat too long, enough to make things weird and strained. "You've been ignoring me."

Regulus wants to tell him to go fuck himself, but he's trying to be mature and all.

"That's because I blocked you," he replies a little coldly. 

"I—" he opens his mouth. Closes. Opens it again. "How are you?" The question sounds genuine, which pisses Regulus a bit. 

"Great," he says. "Amazing. Good." 

He's not. Far from it, actually.

James nods again, looking at Regulus like he's expecting him to ask the same. He doesn't. Regulus doesn't want to know how good James' life is. How little he thought about Regulus and how giving him away did nothing for him. 

"Can we talk?" He asks him, sounding almost dejected. 

Regulus bites the inside of his cheek, reminding himself of everything he talked about with his friends, with his therapist, and knowing what he should do. 

"I don't think so, no," he replies. 

"I really want to explain myself, Reg," he tells him softly, almost pleading. 

"I don't need an explanation," he shakes his head. "You made yourself clear the other day. You had sex with me and then you regret it, you think it was a mistake," he reminds him, and James flinches a bit at how cold Regulus' voice is. "Well, the mistake in question doesn't need an explanation," he points at himself. "Just leave me alone, James. I don't care if you're feeling guilty about the whole thing, I'm over it already." He's not. 

"I know that you're mad—"

"I'm not mad," he cuts him off. "I'm just disappointed, I guess," he shrugs, like he barely cares at all. Regulus was always good at putting on a mask to hide his own feelings. "That you fucked me already knowing you were eventually going to regret it. I thought you were better than that, guess I was wrong."

He even feels a little betrayed, really. That he was the idiot who opened himself, showed James his roots, that gave in even when he knew he shouldn't because he trusted James to not fuck him over. And he did either way. For reasons that aren't clear even for Regulus, but he also doesn't want to know why. Knowing why it's not going to take the pain away. 

"I'm sorry, Regulus," he says honestly. 

A year ago, Regulus would accept the apology and walk back to James with a smile on his face, because some attention was better than no attention at all and he was starved for attention. Any type of it. Regulus is not that person anymore, though. So he knows that an apology doesn't fix shit. 

It doesn't change the fact that James was nice to him, said pretty things to Regulus, got himself under his skin only to fuck him and then take a step back the next day. And the worst part is, James probably has some knowledge about how fucked up Regulus is with attention, and he gave all of his to him just to take it back. 

"Keep it to yourself," he says. "I'm tired of men saying they're sorry after they already fucked up," he flinches again, and Regulus wants to scratch his guilty expression. Because he knows it's not fake. "Just go live your life, James. I'm fine." 

"You really think we can't be friends?" 

"Yeah," he replies without needing to think about it. "I can't be your friend. I think I couldn't even when we were pretending we were." Friends don't treat each other like they did. It was never a friendship, it was just a pit stop for what they really wanted. Or at least Regulus thought so, now he's not even sure if James really wanted him. 

Every time Regulus thinks he's wanted for more than plain desire, he proves himself wrong. Everyone just fucking leaves. 

"So we're just going to ignore everything that happened?" He asks. James has some nerve.

"Exactly," he replies. "You know what I want, James. If you can't give me that, then just leave me alone. I'm not going to let you string me along with the pretense of a friendship just because you want me close, not if you're not going to keep me." 

And Regulus just wants someone who will keep him. 

James could insist, Regulus knows that lots of people would try, but even after everything, he still respects Regulus' wishes, so he just nods, letting him go.

He's not sure why it makes him feel bitterness all over his tongue, a part of him thought that maybe James would try harder, but no. He wants the easy way out, to pretend a friendship again, but it's not happening so he's letting Regulus go because the other option is not for him. 

Regulus thinks he hates him a bit for this. 

"I'm going, then," he swallows dryly, feeling like he's swallowing glass. 

"Okay," James mutters. "Bye, Regulus."

He nods, turning his back to James and leaving one more time. 

Just like the first one, James doesn't try to stop him. And Regulus feels really fucking disappointed. 

Chapter Text

From the moment Regulus left for France, James didn't think about him at all. 

Not because he was indifferent towards him, but because Regulus left at a moment in James' life that he didn't have much time to think about his best friend's brother. There was Harry, his company, adult life, being a dad and all of that. 

He knew of Regulus, Sirius was always talking about his brother, that never changed, but James didn't really think about the younger Black on his own.  

James didn't have a real relationship with him either, he felt bad about him when he was younger, always in that fucking place, with awful parents and a lonely life. James wanted to make his life a little better, so that's why he never cared about Regulus' crush on him or tried to embarrass him about it. James wasn't cruel and he thought it was pretty damn cute. 

He would blush so easily, be so shy and sweet to James. Sirius never cared much either because he knew James would never make Regulus feel bad about it. He was the only male presence in his life besides Sirius and Remus, so to James it made sense. He also knows the crush passed after a while, and he barely saw Regulus back then. After Lily got pregnant, he was almost non-existent in Regulus' life.

James always held a certain type of fondness for Regulus, the kid he was, so imagine his surprise when he saw Regulus Black at twenty-two. 

In the seven years Regulus left for France, James didn't try to imagine how he was. He wasn't curious or tempted to know, James only knew what Sirius told him, and he thought about Regulus as someone might think about a familiar you saw when they were too little and now you have no idea how they are. 

So when he saw Regulus at the airport, James' mind shortcut. 

Regulus was different, obviously. He had seven years of transition so he was going to be different from what James remembered, but never in his life did James imagine he would be attracted to Regulus. 

When he pictured Regulus before that day, he pictured a younger version of himself, shy, quiet and witty when talking to his brother. 

He didn't picture the fucking sinful, sexy and tempting version of right now. 

He didn't picture Regulus taller, prettier, confident and hot. 

Because of that, James couldn't even hide how attracted to Regulus he was at first glance, he was too surprised and caught off guard and Regulus saw it all. 

And that's how everything started. 

James thought that the best course of action was clearing the air and telling Regulus nothing was going to happen. Back then, it was because he was Sirius' baby brother, and James would never have sex with his best friend's brother just because he suddenly learned that Regulus was hot. His logic was that if Regulus already knew and was flirting back, then pulling the breaks was the best decision. 

James was never more wrong. 

Regulus doesn't like to be told no, which means he did the best he could to tempt James at every turn, and he knows he is also not innocent, James toyed with the line as well, but things suddenly started to get out of control. 

The attraction between them increased, being around Regulus turned into something torturous, every time he was in James' sight, he would slowly lose his mind and throw his cautious self through the window. Regulus knew all the right buttons to push, the right things to say, and James realized that he was used to this, to find the cracks and explore them until they break for him. 

James is a very strong-minded person, but Regulus, Regulus poisoned all of his thoughts and strong will. 

He couldn't sleep, thinking about him all the time. He fought against the urge to hold him, feel him, inhale him. James thinks Regulus put him under some kind of spell, because James' interest in him started to get dangerous. 

And with the desire for Regulus, with the yearning for him, came the intimate bits as well. 

James could see Regulus was hiding something within himself, he became good at showing the flashy parts of himself, in flirting and being daring, but there was something broken inside of Regulus, something personal and devastating, and when James learned that, he started to want that Regulus too. The one he didn't want to show to people. 

He wanted to know why Regulus didn't believe in him when he said good things about him, why he always doubted James' intentions like he was ready to snatch something from him. 

And when Regulus started to let James in, showing him tiny bits of his true self, it was warm. 

James got himself addicted to Regulus' warmth. He was too greedy, wanted too much, and that's when he realized he was fucked. 

Because James started to want Regulus. Not just his body, but his presence, his genuine smiles, his broken parts and fucked past, his secrets. James wanted everything, and it was clear to him that everything wasn't something Regulus wanted.

Regulus was thinking about sex. He was thinking about physical things. James was ten steps ahead already.

He was thinking about taking Regulus to his favorite places, about cooking for him, sleeping next to him and how he looked like asleep. He was thinking about quiet nights, about Regulus smiling at Harry and building Legos with him, about Regulus having dinner with his parents, traveling to Brazil with him, about the domestic moments of a future built in his own imagination. 

And that was a fucking huge problem for a lot of reasons.

One, Regulus was twenty-two, which is not a real problem to James but might be for Regulus himself. He's getting into adult life now, still tentatively and carefully. He came to London to build a new life, to start his first job, and James wants to throw a relationship and a kid in the middle, and it's not fair. He doesn't want to complicate Regulus' life with big feelings, he doesn't want to suffocate him with his unrealistic expectations. 

Regulus should be at clubs, meeting new people, doing drugs and stupid things young people do. Not being trapped in a life with James because it's just too much. 

Second, Regulus is not thinking about the future at all. James can see in his eyes. He's thinking about the sex, about scratching the itch just because it feels good, but he's not thinking about what happens after that. James doesn't even know if he wants something after that. 

Third, James was not built for casual relationships. It's not that he doesn't have casual sex, but he could never have something just casual with Regulus. Regulus is everywhere now that he's back in London and being casual was going to worsen things. 

Not having him was the best option, and James tried. 

He thought they could be friends, but James soon realized being just friends with Regulus was torture. He was already crossing lines on the second day, but even if James knew he needed to back off, he couldn't. 

There's something about Regulus that makes you bewitched by him. Every word that comes out of his mouth makes James hooked, every part of himself he shares, James wants to keep close to his heart. 

And he tried to stop it. For almost three months, James tried to stop it all, but it didn't work. 

It didn't work because, in the end, he lost all of his self-control and gave in. 

And when James touched Regulus, it was over for him. 

When his lips were on Regulus' and his hands were on his body, James knew he wanted to touch him for the rest of his life. It was like coming undone and being brought back to life at the same time. It was perfection in a simple touch, and James wanted more. He wanted everything. 

James was always too intense, he could never feel something only in half, it was all or nothing with James, and he did his best to mediate this part of himself because James needed balance in his new life, but deep down, James was always a full glass spilling water everywhere. 

And James wanted to drown Regulus. 

Regulus was perfect. Everywhere. Every corner of his body was crafted perfectly for James to kiss, hold and taste it. There wasn't a single part of him that wasn't the most beautiful thing James ever saw. He wanted to build an altar for him and he wouldn't mind praying for him every single day of his life. 

James' body was in synchrony with Regulus', they just fit in the most simple way. He wanted to imprint his hands on him, keep him forever and never let go. 

But when it ended. When Regulus was already fast asleep by his side in the bed, James couldn't stop thinking. 

About what would happen next. 

And James realized it was unfair of him to try to suck Regulus into his orbit. To try to make him stay when he had his whole life ahead of him. 

So he did something really stupid and told Regulus they made a mistake, and he saw in the front row how James broke Regulus' trust with that. How hurt and betrayed he was feeling. But James feared that, if Regulus said he didn't want any of that but a casual thing, James would fold and accept it. 

He thought that freeing Regulus to do whatever he pleased was the right call. Not trap him with James. 

Regulus said he wanted James to have him, but he had no idea what this meant to James. Because having Regulus to James meant consuming him, knitting himself to James and never letting go. 

And he doubted Regulus wanted that. He had other men ready to take him in, men less complicated, intense and possessive than James. Regulus had what he wanted and James wasn't satisfied yet. It wasn't enough. He wanted all or nothing, but attributing his all to Regulus seemed like something too far. 

James saw it all once too many times. How the resentment grew when he needed to cancel something because Harry needed him, because Lily needed his help or something came up at work. How a lot of them wanted to be his priority but that never was going to happen because Harry was his priority. The fights. The distance. Breaking up again and again because of the same things. Regulus didn't deserve any of that. 

James would try to be the best man in the world for him because that's what Regulus deserves, but he deserves something better than James. 

So he left, and though James wanted to bring him back inside, apologize and keep him, he didn't. 

Dorcas comes inside his house thirty minutes after Regulus leaves, and James is still in the kitchen, still trying to make sense of everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours. 

"I didn't give you a key to come inside every time you thought fit," he tells her. 

Dorcas sits on one of the kitchen stools, not caring a little bit about what James just said. 

He's just relieved she arrived after Regulus left.  

By this point in his life, he can say Dorcas is his family. James always knew that Lily's partner was going to be his family, and though Dorcas can be a little too sarcastic and honest, she's one of the most loyal people he ever met and she would do anything for any of them, especially Harry. 

"Funny thing just happened," she starts saying, "I found baby Black in front of your house like he was ready to put fire in the place. Any idea how that happened?" 

Dorcas is an attorney, which means the best way of action with her is to remain silent because she sniffs truths and lies like a damn dog. 

"Want to hear what I think?" She asks, not bothered by the lack of answer and James' eyes on her. "I think you, Potter, was far too interested in him for a time now, and I also think you two had a rendezvous last night. I'm not sure if for the first time or not, but either way, I know you just ruined it because he was fucking pissed at you. So tell me what you did."

"He told you what happened?" He asks, a little surprised. James was sure that Regulus would hide or deny it. 

"Not really, he was very quiet," she replies. "I gave him a ride to the tube station, but he wasn't really in the mood of talking." 

James bites his lower lip, feeling frustrated, because though he thinks he did the right thing for Regulus, he also didn't want to hurt or upset him, and the guilt sits heavily in his stomach. 

"We had sex last night," he confesses, maybe trying to be purged of his sins. "For the first time."

"And?" 

"And it was amazing, but then it was over and it was clear to me that we fucked up." 

"Amuse me, Potter," she says. "Why does sex with Regulus mean you fucked up?" 

"Well, for starters, there's Sirius." 

Sirius who treats Regulus like his own kid because of a very fucked childhood that made him feel like he needed to be the only sane adult in Regulus' life. The problem? Sirius was also a kid when he decided he was going to raise Regulus, and now, at twenty-two and twenty-eight, it feels like Sirius wants to parent Regulus and be a brother at the same time. Sirius who would be fine with James being serious about Regulus because he trusts him and loves him, but would be entirely mad if James just fucked his brother and then told him it was a mistake the next day. 

"Sirius is an adult, I think he can understand that his brother can fuck whoever he wants, including you," she replies unbothered. 

"He won't understand that I fucked him brother."

"He'll get over it. Next."

"I said it was a mistake," he confesses, rubbing his eyes under his glasses and feeling very tired. 

"Oh, James," she sighs. "You fucking asshole."

"Thanks, Dorcas," he snorts. In the past, he was really touchy about Dorcas' honest and dry tone, but now he's used to it and knows she means no harm. 

"Okay, from the top. Why did you say that?" 

"Because I want a relationship, the real thing, and Regulus…" he pauses. "Regulus just wanted to chase a high." 

"Do you really think he didn't think about being with you for real at all?" She asks, like she doubts this. 

"He didn't think this through, I can see it from miles away," he shakes his head. Regulus was thinking this in one way and James in another, and in the end, their views didn't clash. 

"How can you know that?" She asks with a raised eyebrow. "Please, explain to me how you know he didn't think this through," she challenges him. 

"Let me explain, then," he messes his hair in distress. "Regulus had a crush on me when he was a kid, then he shows up as the most attractive, perfect person I ever saw ten years later and he realizes I'm attracted to him at the same time. Then he gets high on the thrill of knowing that the guy he wanted when he was a kid wants him now that he's an adult, and he's attracted to me too, so he gets interested. I notice that, so I tell him no, it won't happen because of an infinity of reasons. Regulus is a fucking brat, so obviously he sees the no as a challenge to how long it will take for me to give in, because he knows I can. Then he flirts with me and I indulge because I'm just fucking weak and he's this fucking chaos ripping everything apart and make me lose my control. I try to stay away, but I can't. So I keep him close because I can't help it, but to him, it's about the sex. The attraction. The thing I'm denying to him. We had sex and I assure you, he wasn't thinking about what would happen after. He wasn't thinking about Sirius, or about what being in a relationship with me would be like. He was thinking about the sex, I was thinking about dating him."

"I can see your point, but why didn't you just sit with him and told him what you wanted? How being in a relationship with you would look like?"

The idea makes his stomach churn a bit. 

"I didn't want to put this burden on him," he explains. "To say, hey, I know we just had sex, but can you tell me please if you want to date me and get invested in my chaotic, tiring and frenetic life?" 

She pauses, looking at James like she's judging him, but honestly, that's just how Dorcas looks at everyone other than Lily. 

"You know, James," she says slowly, "For someone so smart, you're actually pretty stupid."

"It's too soon for your bitchiness, Dorcas."

"No, really," she says. "Just because he's twenty-two, you're acting like he can't make his own decisions and you need to shield him away from the commitment being with you requires."

It's not that. He does think Regulus can make his own decisions and he doesn't think just because he's young, he can't know what he wants. The problem lies with James dumping all of this information on Regulus after they fucked once, and to keep sleeping with him with a maybe doesn't work for James either. He doesn't want promises, but he does want commitment. 

"He doesn't even know what it would require."

"Because you didn't told him," she rebukes. "He has no idea if it's something he wants because you didn't offer him this option. Which makes you a fucking jerk, to be honest." He's aware of that. 

"It's not that simple," he mutters tiredly. 

"I think you're just afraid he would say no," she tells him. "You don't want to be selfish to keep him, but you also don't want him to say he doesn't want you."

He doesn't tell her she might be right. Doesn't tell her that, letting Regulus go on his own terms is better than seeing Regulus go on his own decision. James was never good with rejection. 

"You should change professions," he says blankly. 

"For fucks sake, James," she says, unbothered. "Regulus knows you, he's not someone you met out of nowhere. He knows about Harry already, he knows about how it changed your life and how much time you dedicate to him and about your job. If you tell him what's in for, he will already know the details." 

"It's going to ruin his life."

"Oh, god," she rolls her eyes, like James is being dramatic. "Enlighten me with your ideas, Potter."

"He will want to go on a date, but I can't because there's a business trip or Harry needs me for something, I don't know," he spills out, rethinking every argument he had in past relationships. "Then, he'll want to go to a club with me on weekends, but it's the weekend I promised Harry we would go to the aquarium and he'll be stuck with us, or just pissed. No getting drunk together because I'll always be too paranoid about something happening with Harry. No sex around the house because—"

"Yes, I get it. Harry, Harry, Harry," she cuts him off. "You know what the problem is? All of your serious relationships one way or another put the blame of their frustrations on Harry, and now you think being a responsible, good father ruins your relationships. But from what I gathered about Regulus, he has some daddy issues, so hey, being a good father can actually turn him on." 

"You're an awful woman," he comments. 

"Really, James," she says, more softly now. "I understand that he's young and he probably doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. But it's his decision, if he likes you enough and wants to be with you, he deserves to know how it will be. You're not going to ask him in marriage immediately and we both know it'll take at least a few weeks for you to start adding Harry to his life as well, it's just an honest conversation about it. One you need to have but you chicken out."

A part of James knows she's right, but the other part of him is too linked to his own past. About being twenty-two and having a kid, needing to change habits, grow faster than he intended and knowing that every little action of his life could splash on Harry's life. And James doesn't regret being a father at all, he loves Harry more than life itself, he fell in love with his son the very second he let out a loud cry on that July 31st, but it doesn't change the fact that his life changed. Or the fact that if Regulus wanted to try, it wouldn't be like dating some of the less complicated men he could meet. Men close to his age, without a kid and who have all the time in the world for him. 

"You need to stop thinking you know what's best for everyone, you know?" Dorcas asks softly, sensing that James is already too lost in his own head. 

"What?" 

"You can't, for the life of you, be selfish," she snorts. "It's like just because you have a kid, you think you need to be the most level-headed and mature person to ever exist. I liked Regulus with you because he made you lighter, like grinding on a dancefloor without thinking about the consequences."

"You saw that," he realizes, groaning. 

"I see everything, Potter," she smirks at him. "Be real now, without thinking about the consequences, about what's best for Regulus, what do you want?"

"I want him," he replies honestly. "To be in a real relationship with him, have him in my life constantly. That's what I want."

"So why is it so hard for you to go get what you want?" She asks him. "Nothing is stopping you but yourself."

"He might not want that."

"I don't know," she says slowly. "I don't think he'd be that mad if it was just about sex." 

James sighs, feeling like he already ruined everything, and in the end, if Regulus decides he never wants to talk to him again, James doesn't even have it in himself to be mad about it. 

He fucked up and he knows it, but somehow, maybe it's for the best. 

Because Regulus is like a pretty poison, you don't notice him killing you until it's too late and James is just too weak,— He would let Regulus ruin him completely. 

"I'm not sure I can fix this," he says. "I don't think he wants to listen to me."

Because Regulus was mad, and James was really expecting him to throw something at his head in the middle of his anger. James is not pushy or one of those guys who can't take a hint, and if Regulus doesn't want to talk to him anymore, he'll accept it. It's his choice to make, he doesn't owe James anything, especially his sympathy and understanding. 

"You should try nonetheless," she tells him. "Because I can see in your eyes how much you like him, and trust me, he's just the same." 

Can it happen? 

Can James have everything he wanted for once and keep it? 

The idea of trying to unfuck what he did it's terrifying and he knows Regulus is properly mad, but deep down, if there's a way, James wants to try it. 

He's not someone who begs, but for Regulus, he thinks he would. He would crawl to him and beg at his feet. 

That's the amount of how much he wants Regulus. He's just not sure if Regulus wants him the same. 

"I'll try," he mutters. 

"Good," she nods. "You deserve good things too, James. Even if it's some twenty-two sugar baby." 

"Can you please shut up?" He throws a dishcloth on her face, making her laugh. 

"He doesn't look older than nineteen, you know," she teases him. 

"Go to your own house, Dorcas," he shoos her. "And please, don't tell any of these to Lily."

"Why are people asking me to keep things from my fiancée?" 

"Because we know Lily loves to meddle and give opinions," he deadpans. 

"She has great tits and only right opinions, you should listen to her."

"Bye, Dorcas."

"You better do the grovel of the year, Potter," she points a finger at him, finally getting up. 

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters. 

He will try, really. He just thinks that Regulus is not really up to it. 

James tries. 

Maybe he's not trying as hard as the romcoms do, but he's trying. He tries sending texts everywhere, he tries calling, but Regulus probably blocked him because he doesn't answer. He tries to subtly make Sirius invite Regulus to hang out with them, but he always refuses or doesn't reply, which makes Sirius a little suspect of what happened. 

James knows how to take a hint, and he knows that Regulus doesn't want to talk to him at all. In Portuguese, there's a saying that says "não quero te ver nem pintado de ouro" which means that a certain person doesn't want to talk to you or wants something to do with you even if you were painted in gold, and that's how he catalogs the whole thing.

He knows Regulus is mad, upset and betrayed all the same, but James hoped he would want to talk about it at some point. But it has been almost three weeks and nothing. 

Regulus didn't even go to the Halloween party Sirius was organizing, claiming he was sick, which James knew was bullshit from miles and miles away. 

But that's fine, James wouldn't want to make Regulus uncomfortable with his presence anyway, he can respect boundaries. 

This doesn't change the fact that he misses Regulus. 

James didn't realize how much Regulus was present in his days until he lost him. But he was always there, sending James texts when he was working, complaining about his job only to say he loves what he does in the same breath. His random calls to say spontaneous things and the photos that weren't even suggestive but left James breathless nonetheless.

He misses telling him about his days, about taking breaks from his job just to catch up with Regulus for fifteen minutes and buy him his chai latte because he's really addicted to those. Misses taking him out, have him in his car, flirting with him, staring at him in a way he thinks is subtle but it's not because James is always paying attention to him. 

James misses the real conversations, when Regulus would open himself up just a bit to show James the chaotic mess he is inside, and how James loved to see this part of Regulus. 

They were in the very beginning of something that could be better, deeper. And James ruined the possibility of something more with his stupid decisions. It's funny that he did what he did because he wanted to keep things organized, and yet he made everything worse. 

James also feels awful. He can't stop thinking about what Regulus is thinking, and the idea that he might think this was all a game for James makes him want to fix everything. Because Regulus was never a game. 

They flirted, James blurred the lines, but it wasn't because he was playing a game but because he just couldn't help it. He was addicted to toying with the line because he was addicted to Regulus, and in the end, he tried everything he could just to have a little taste of something else. 

It was probably wrong on his part, especially looking at how things are now, but James never did it with some evil reason behind it. He normally has a plan, he's organized and knows what he'll do, but with Regulus, he just couldn't. With Regulus, all his plans crumbled the second their eyes would meet. James doesn't think he could've resisted his attraction for Regulus forever, as pathetic as it sounds, and Regulus was right, it was going to be inevitable.

James just wished he had done it all differently. 

He stops spamming Regulus with texts he's probably not receiving and tons of calls, but James hopes that he'll get the opportunity to talk to him somehow or that Regulus will at least try to have a closure. 

The opportunity arrives when James is not even prepared for it. 

He sees someone who looks a lot like Regulus turning into an aisle in the grocery store, his heart starts beating faster and James follows him. 

The conversation is not what he was expecting, and it's terrifying to see Regulus so cold towards James. Like he lost the privilege of knowing how warm Regulus can be. 

James tries, the words are on the tip of his tongue, the truth choking him slowly, but James can't tell him everything because Regulus just looks so… Resigned. About what James wants with him, about what he said. Like he replayed the scene over and over again and already decided what's best for himself. 

And what's best for Regulus, it seems, it's to forget everything related to James. He tells him to leave him alone. To not offer him apologies because he doesn't want them. And James realizes that he really fucked that over with his stupid words. James was always good with words, mind you, but when he panics, he tends to screw everything up, and he did. 

James lets him go because he doesn't want to reopen the door Regulus clearly already slammed shut. 

But when he gets home, dejected and sad, he thinks about what Regulus said. 

Not if you're not going to keep me.

Is it possible that Regulus wants James to keep him? For real? Not just for something casual but for more? 

Did James get everything wrong? 

He knows he gets in his head a lot. He knows Dorcas was right when she said James doesn't know how to be selfish without thinking about what's best for everyone other than himself. But he didn't really think Regulus would want something other than pure and plain sex. 

He had other men, James knows he did, so he thought— He thought he was just going to be one more name in Regulus' list. Maybe the most important name, but still just a name. He didn't stop to entertain the idea that Regulus wanted him and be kept by him. 

And the idea is… euphoric. 

He still stands by everything he said to Dorcas, but the idea that Regulus possibly wants the same thing as James makes him want to throw caution away. James doesn't want to be responsible this one time, he wants to take a gamble on Regulus and see if they can be with each other, if with him, it will work. 

It has been months since James knows what desiring Regulus Black is like, and if there's a possibility that Regulus wants James as much as James wants him, then he thinks he should try. 

Because for Regulus Black, James doesn't think he'll mind a little poisoning. 

Chapter Text

It's been almost a week since Regulus saw James again and he'd say he's dealing okay with it. Maybe Regulus was just resigned about the whole thing, James didn't want him for real and he needed to move on from wishing he did. 

For Regulus, it was a current thing. When he was younger, he used to be devastated when he was discarded, but now that he's older and goes to therapy regularly, he's better at accepting the reality that half of his flings don't end up well. He won't cry about it even if he misses James' presence constantly, he won't fold for something he doesn't truly want and he doesn't want to be James' friend. He wants more, and if he can't have it, then he's better off. 

Even if the whole thing is kind of pathetic and it took a piece of Regulus, he's at least a bit proud of himself. He was never good at putting his foot down for the things he wanted, he was so pathetic he would settle for any attention people were offering, even if it was almost degrading, but Regulus grew up, he became stronger enough to put himself first and not allow the same mistakes from happening again. 

No matter how much he wants James, thinks about him constantly and aches for his touch again, it's not enough to make Regulus put himself in a shitty situation again. 

That doesn't mean he will slam the door at him instead of giving James the opportunity to fix things, and that's why Regulus lets him enter his building. 

He was surprised, to say the least. It was eight PM, Regulus was already putting his pajamas on to watch some documentary or read a few chapters of his book when the intercom beeped loudly on the flat. Regulus frowned because the only people who visited him were his brother or Remus and none of them said anything about passing by. He also didn't buy anything recently and no one would deliver shit at night. Even so, Regulus answered. 

Imagine his surprise when James' voice replied on the other side. 

"James?" He asked surprisedly, with his breath almost hitching. 

"Yeah," James confirmed, his voice was a little bit muffled and breathless. "Can I come upstairs? I need to tell you something."

Tell Regulus something. But what? What would James want to talk with Regulus that he didn't already say in his house that morning or in the grocery store a week ago? Could he start raising his hopes up or was Regulus just being foolish?

Maybe James wanted to try the friendship bullshit again, try to find a middle ground for Sirius' sake or some other story about how they shouldn't just ignore each other forever. He didn't know, he also didn't want to hope, didn't dare. 

But eventually he said, "Fine." 

He unlocked the door downstairs so James could enter and ended the call, waiting anxiously by the door until James arrived. 

Regulus didn't know what to think and he also refused to think too much about it. His heartbeat speeded with the notion that he would see James again, that James was coming to his door, that he went to Regulus' flat in the middle of the night for reasons Regulus himself didn't know. 

I need to tell you something, he said. But what? What James could possibly want to say? 

His doorbell rang and Regulus took a deep breath before opening the door, expression locked tight in the face of James. 

Regulus felt a pang in his heart when he laid his eyes on James, a very annoying reaction he couldn't control. James looked disheveled, like he was running around before he came here, even so, he didn't look tired or miserable. His hair is a mess, as always, but there are no dark circles under his eyes or tired expression. He came straight from his job, Regulus thinks, since he's wearing a black button down and tailored trousers. 

He looks good enough to eat, while Regulus looks like a sad, drenched cat in an oversized hoodie, boyshorts showing his legs and mismatched socks. 

James looked at him in silence before saying anything at all, his eyes wandering through Regulus like he had already forgotten the shape of him in the world. 

"So?" Regulus demands, gripping the door a little too tightly, trying to appear collected and unbothered when he's anything but. 

"Can I come in?" He asks quietly. "Please?" 

Regulus takes a step to the side, widening the door so James can enter his flat. It's weird to have him here, not because James is not used to coming to his flat but because Regulus thought he would never come inside of it again. 

He stands there awkwardly, not inviting James to sit because he doesn't think he earned such a thing. 

"I hope you didn't eat dinner already," he scratches his throat, showing him a paper bag. "I brought you chinese." 

Even if he thinks he's being bought with food, Regulus catches the bag, putting it on the table at the entrance, he won't refuse chinese and he didn't eat dinner. 

"Thank you." 

"Of course," he nods. It's weird to see James Potter of all people so unsure and quiet, but Regulus also doesn't want to offer him any comfort. He doesn't even know what James wants. 

"Why are you here, James?" He asks, biting the bullet. 

"You told me to come find you when I stopped being a pussy, so I guess that's why," he replies. Regulus' mouth gets dry and he tries not to react, James lost the privilege of reading him. 

"I'm listening." 

James takes a few seconds to start talking, like he's organizing his thoughts and cataloging everything he wants to tell Regulus. 

"I never thought you were a mistake," it's what he says, and Regulus stops breathing for a few seconds because they're doing it. They're going to talk about everything they didn't for months. "Having you in my arms was one of the best things in my life." 

"Then why did you say it?" He asks tightly. "Why fuck me just to tell me it was a mistake if it was good?" 

"Because I was scared, Regulus," he confesses. "I was scared. I was unsure. I didn't know what you wanted and I was too scared to hear it from you. I didn't want to tell you what I wanted because I feared it was going to be too much." Regulus opens his mouth to rebuke, but James shakes his head, telling him to wait silently. "Let me just— Let me tell you everything from my point of view, okay?" 

"Okay," he mumbles. 

"When I saw you in that fucking airport, I was already obsessed with the idea of you," he says, making Regulus tremble slightly with how truthful the statement is. "I told you we would never happen because I was trying to pull the brakes, but I could see it in your eyes you wanted to prove me wrong. To me, it was a game for you. We were your game. I didn't think you truly wanted me other than for sex, and I was fine with it for a moment there, it was going to be easy if you just wanted sex because sex could be prevented. I wanted you, so fucking bad I couldn't stop thinking about you," he confesses. "You drove me mad and my restraint was slipping through my fingers. I tried to be just your friend but it didn't work, and somewhere along the way, it wasn't just about attraction for me anymore. There were feelings too and everything got much worse." He stares at Regulus intently, brown big eyes melting him on the spot. 

"You're like poison and I couldn't wash you away," he says with a hoarse voice. "I didn't want to have sex with you because I knew I wouldn't want to stop if I tried once. Because I knew that if I had you, I wouldn't want to let it go. Do you get that, Regulus?" He asks him, laughing breathly. "It means I wanted you with me. For real. And I could see in your eyes that you weren't thinking about that at all. You wanted to have me, but you weren't thinking about the aftermath. And I can't do it casually, not with you. So I said that it was a mistake because I didn't want to throw my feelings at you like a burden. I also was too scared of hearing from you that you didn't want anything else from me, because if you told me you wanted just sex, something casual, I would be too weak to deny you that time." 

Regulus feels his breath hitching, feels the confession hitting him like a car crash. James wanted him. Wants him. Not something casual but something real. He has feelings for Regulus, real ones. 

"You're right," he agrees quietly. "I wasn't thinking about the future. But because it was pointless, James. You were telling me at every corner that we were never going to happen. Thinking about sex was easier than fantasizing about us together for real because this was the type of shit I did at twelve and I refused to do it again. I didn't even think you wanted me that much," he confesses, hugging himself and hating his own vulnerability. James looks almost sick that Regulus could think such a thing. "You were always so good at telling me no and backing off while I was so bad at it. I wanted you, so fucking bad I was tuning into this pathetic thing around you. But you didn't seem like you had the same problem so I thought… I thought you wanted me but not that much. Not seriously." 

"Reg, that's not—" 

"And then you fucked me and threw me away the next day," he cuts him off, watching as James flinches. "So I was sure you didn't want me like that. I thought you were going to keep me but you didn't, and that was really fucked up, James," he says. "And you didn't talk to me about it, you just decided everything like my opinion didn't matter. So yes, I wasn't thinking about the future, but if you told me you were, I would want it. Because I wanted you." 

"I—" he shakes his head. "You couldn't be more wrong, love." 

"Then explain to me," he orders. "Explain to me why all of that, then."

"I was your age when I had Harry," he says, swallowing dry, his Adam's apple bobbing. "And while he's the best thing that ever happened to me, I know what it's like to lose your young adult life to responsibilities. I'm not saying you would lose your life but— Being with me, for real, can't be just a fun rendezvous. Harry will always come in the first place, my family will need me at times and god, work will get hectic sometimes and you'll barely see me. I don't want to chain you to my life just for you to realize you want to live a less complicated one. I can't promise you trips all the time, dates or fun nights. I will cancel things if my kid needs me, and being with me means I'll need you to commit to Harry as well and I didn't want to put all of this on you. You deserve someone who will love you and put you above everything else."

"Do you really think I'm so self-absorbed that I'd want you to put me above your kid?" He asks him, quiet but serious. 

He didn't think about the future but he would never view Harry as a competition. Regulus knows James will do anything for his kid and that most of the time, Harry will take James' free time. Regulus would never get mad at him because of it, the fact that James is a good father is one of the reasons Regulus liked him in the first place. 

"No," he replies honestly. "But I don't want you to start resenting me as the time passes."

"Being with you is not the burden you believe it is, James," he mumbles. 

"Same goes for you," he says gently. 

"I'm complicated too," he agrees. "Would you view this as a burden?"

"It's different."

"Is it?" He asks. "You're afraid I'll resent you because of your life, you're afraid of putting too much on my shoulders, but it's the same for me. I'm complicated, I have so many problems I need to go to therapy weekly to fix myself because I'm really fucking broken, my moods will get at you too. Then what? We're not trying because you have your issues and I have mine? Aren't we even worth trying?" He asks him. "Because that's what it felt like when you told me we shouldn't do it again." 

"Do you really want this?" James asks him, almost afraid of his answer. "I can't do casual, Regulus. If I have you, you're going to be mine for real. I'm not going to start something with you thinking about when we're going to break up, I want the real thing with you."

The real thing. 

Regulus never thought he was the type of person others would want the real thing with. He tried, and every fucking time he always was viewed as the little fun before people settled for a real thing. Someone they wanted for the future. Regulus was always the now, never the future type people thought about. 

But James is telling him he wants the real thing. 

Regulus understands his point of view, he also understands the miscommunication ruined what they could've started a month ago. 

"How could you think I just wanted you for sex?" He asks him, almost in disbelief. "I told you things I never told anyone. I opened up to you. I put up with your friendship bullshit because I couldn't stay away."

"You're young, you're beautiful and you're a fucking brat who loves a challenge," James lists. "I thought you liked me as a friend you wanted to fuck. You never sounded serious." 

"Neither did you," he accuses him, almost offended. 

"I'm telling you what I want now." 

And he wants Regulus. 

Fuck. James wants Regulus. 

"Say it again," he orders, almost in a whisper. "Tell me with big words what you want." 

"I want your texts every day. I want your snarky remarks and teasing smirks. I want to listen to you rant about books and music. I want your true smiles, the ones you give me so warmly. I want to know the real you, the one you hide so fiercely inside of yourself and soothe all of your doubts," he tells him, taking a step closer to Regulus. "I want to sleep next to you and see your messy hair in the morning, to buy you a chai latte every time I have a break from work and kiss you all the time." He takes one more step. "I want to take you to all of my favorite places, tell you all about me until you know me blind. I want to fuck you until I know every corner of your body," one more, now so close to Regulus he can count his eyelashes under his glasses. "I want to keep you, Regulus. Want to put a title on your name. I want you. All of you, not as a pit stop but as a finish line. That's what I want. And I can't promise you it'll be perfect but I want it to be." 

His breath shortens when James holds his cheek, softly and warmly, holding Regulus with adoration and open heart. 

It's everything he ever wanted to hear. Regulus used to daydream about stupid words like these ones when he was twelve, dreaming about a day James Potter would want him enough to say things like this one. He didn't think he would have them, he didn't even know James was in too deep as much as Regulus. That every little pretense of friendship was also killing him on the inside because he wanted so much more. 

He gets James. He gets that this life, the one that's too attached to James, is one Regulus never imagined for himself. They didn't even talk about what they want for the future, but Regulus understands what being with James is like. He knows him, knows his family, about his job and about everything he lost over the years to turn into this amazing father. And though he never imagined this, Regulus thinks he wants to try to have it. He was so scared of relationships in the past, so scared of opening up just to be ruined, but James is offering him something sweet and gentle, and Regulus wants it. 

He wants to be known and liked by what he really is. He wants to be loved by someone like James, someone who's good, kind and attentive. And though it's not love yet, it can be, and Regulus wants it. 

He wants James. A part of him has been wanting him for ten years already. 

But— 

Regulus puts a single finger on James' chest. 

"No."

"What?" James asks, almost too stunned. 

"You hurt me," he tells him, slowly. "You disappointed me. I opened up to you and you slammed the door in my face," he tells him, poking at his chest to make a statement. "I understand your point of view, but I think you owe me a little more than that, don't you think?" 

James opens his mouth and then closes it, letting his hand fall to the side of his thigh. 

Regulus fears for a moment that he ruined everything. He should have just accepted the hand James was offering him instead of biting it. But Regulus is too used to settling for the bare minimum, which was an explanation. He doesn't doubt James' words, but he didn't apologize for being an asshole yet and Regulus wants it. He wants to see it in his eyes that he regrets it. Wants a promise James will commit to. 

He's not sure what he was expecting, but he sure as hell wasn't expecting this. 

James Potter gets on his knees in front of Regulus, head tilted up to stare at him. 

James who once told Regulus he wasn't the type who begged. Who was cocky, confident and proud, but at this moment was on his knees for Regulus. At his feet. Giving all the power to Regulus, leaving everything in his hands. 

The picture of James on his knees for Regulus is very hot. 

"I'm sorry," James tells him, earnestly. 

"For what?" Regulus presses him. 

"For hurting you," he breathes out. "For disappointing you and making you feel like I was rejecting you. For telling you we should still be friends when I knew I didn't want to be just that. I'm sorry for being an asshole."

"And will you be an asshole again?" He runs his hand through James' hair, feeling how soft the strands are between his fingers. 

"Never again, love." 

"And what will you do when you feel like this again?" 

"I'll talk to you," he promises him. 

"Like a big boy?" Regulus is taunting him a bit. 

"Yes," he says with gritted teeth. 

"And will you decide things for me again?" 

"No, I won't."

"Do you promise me?" 

"I swear," he nods. "Never again, Reg. I want to keep you." 

"Mhm," he mutters, staring at James with attentive eyes. "Will you be good to me, James?" 

"I will," he breathes out. "I will be so good." 

"Say please." 

James looks at him with big eyes, wetting his lower lip before saying, "Please, Regulus."

It does something to Regulus, and he feels a flutter in his stomach with the words on James' tongue. 

"Please what?" He asks, trying not to sound so affected. 

"Please, take me back. Let me prove to you how good I can be." 

Regulus pulls his hair a little roughly, making James bear his neck to him and stare him right in the eye. 

"You're on probation, Potter," he warns him. "You fuck up, I'm making a hell on your life, got it?" 

His pupils widen under the lights, brown shining prettily and causing havoc on Regulus' stomach. James is beautiful, but on his knees for Regulus, he's perfection itself. 

"Got it," he promises, nodding the best he can with Regulus' grip on his hair. "Let me make it up to you." 

"You can try," he tells him. 

James starts moving his hands, caressing softly the skin of Regulus' naked legs. Calloused but silk palms on him, causing goosebumps on his body. He goes from his ankles to his knees, stopping on his thighs, thumbs brushing against his skin. 

"I missed this," James tells him quietly, tilting his head to kiss his thighs and making Regulus flex his fingers on his hair. "My marks have already faded, huh?" 

"I guess," he comments, trying to control his body that's too close to start shaking. 

"Will need to put them back on," he rubs his cheeks on Regulus' thigh, biting softly at the flesh. Regulus gasps a bit, feeling the tip of his tongue on his skin. 

James leaves a trail of kisses and bites on his thighs, getting them higher and higher until his hot breath it's on his covered cunt, already pulsating in need. He darts his tongue against the fabric, sucking on it and causing a pool of lava on Regulus' lower stomach. 

Regulus is breathing heavily, needing more than what James is offering him. 

"James," he pants. "Again."

He feels teeth on his cunt, scraping against his boyshorts and causing a little shock on his spine. Without much patience, Regulus rolls his hips, guiding James by the hair so he can do it again. He does, and Regulus hips jerk, his need growing by the second. 

Probably sensing Regulus' state, James' fingers find the waistband of his boyshorts, pulling them down Regulus' legs and leaving him naked on the lower half, since Regulus wasn't wearing anything else. James pushes his hoodie up, and Regulus watches with heavy eyes his mouth on him. 

Holding him by the hips, James licks Regulus' cunt, making him shiver with the contact, wanting more already. James plays with the bud, licking and sucking until Regulus is panting softly and grinding against his face. He takes his glasses off before entering his tongue inside Regulus, and he fears he won't be able to stand much more without nothing to support him, his thighs are shaking already. 

"Lay down," James tells him gently, kissing his hip bone. 

Regulus obeys him, lying on the floor of his flat to have his pussy eaten. 

James plants his feet on the floor, bending Regulus' legs and opening them. With the enthusiasm of a starved man, he goes back to fuck him with his mouth. Regulus can feel how wet he is, and when James inserts two fingers, curling them inside of Regulus, he moans loudly, pulling at his hair unconsciously. James likes that, apparently, because he keeps going while licking Regulus' clit and causing a delicious and addictive stimulation on Regulus, making his chest heave and his orgasm built. 

"Fuck," Regulus moans, rolling his hips slightly to get him deeper. 

His body starts trembling bit by bit and he arches his back, needing to cum more than anything. James can feel it too, so he adds a third finger, making Regulus almost scream with the new feeling, shaking helplessly when his orgasm hits him. 

James doesn't stop, letting him ride his high until it's too much and Regulus is whimpering and trying to close his legs. Only then, he stops, tilting his head up to look at Regulus with his cum coating his lips and nose. 

"So fucking good," he tells him with voice hoarse. James kisses his hipbone almost gently, nosing Regulus' skin and inhaling his scent. 

"Come here," he breathes out, feeling like he just ran a marathon. 

James obeys, and when they're face to face, Regulus pulls James closer to kiss him. 

This kiss is different from their first one. It's not consuming or hard. It's slow and sensual. It's coated with the taste of Regulus' orgasm, tongues being sucked, hands wandering through bodies and hairs being pulled slightly. Regulus can feel James' hard cock against his stomach, and he helps James to rub against his skin, wanting to feel inside of himself. His hands travel down to get to James' trousers, but he stops him by catching his wrist. 

"Don't be greedy, love," he says against his lips. "This was for you, I don't need anything in return."

"I want to," he says almost stubbornly. 

"Another day," he kisses his cheek, going back to kiss Regulus. 

James doesn't really try to get off, like he's happy just kissing Regulus on his floor for the rest of his life, and Regulus melts under him, loving the heaviness of James' body on top of his. How much bigger and heavier he is, taller, larger, muscular. Regulus gets a little too faint with the notion that James could break him in half if he wanted to, he never had a size kink, and he's not that much smaller than James, but he likes that he's bigger than him. 

They spend minutes snogging on the floor, grinding and touching. Regulus' hands explore every bit of James, finding their way under his shirt, scratching his back slightly, gripping his waist and palming his abdomen. Squeezing his ass and thighs, fingers getting tangled in his hair. 

It's too much, not enough. It's like Regulus is trapped inside of a dream he never wants to get out of, and he realizes, almost in amazement, that this is real. That James wants him and from now on, they'll be something. They'll kiss, hold each other, fuck, talk, live alongside each other. The reasons they shouldn't are not relevant anymore because they want each other so much they're willing to overcome all of it. 

Regulus knows they still need to decide other things, talk about Sirius, about Harry and what a real relationship will be like. But right now, Regulus just wants to be in this moment. 

His lips are swollen and he's wet again when they stop kissing, breathing heavily together like their hearts are beating to the same melody. 

James is so beautiful up close, he has long and thick eyelashes, big eyes and a perfect nose with a very tiny mole on the tip. He can see some light stubble and he wants to rub his face against the scratch, he kisses James because of it. 

They only part when Nix eventually appears after hiding for hours, meowing and demanding food, which makes James laugh against his neck. 

"I think he feels left out," Regulus jokes. 

"My back was starting to hurt, anyway."

"Such an old man, Potter," he teases him. 

James bites him lightly on the neck, but Regulus can feel the smile against his skin. And he thinks he falls in love with this moment, with how simple it is. 

He picks his shorts off the floor and puts them on again, standing with legs a little bit shaky, calling Nix to the kitchen so he can feed him. 

"We're going to need to heat this," James shows him the food he brought. 

"Go on," he tilts his head to the microwave. James gives him a kiss on the temple when he passes through Regulus and his heart doubles. He's so fucking weak for this man. 

They heat the food, going to sit on the sofa with leg on top of leg, and James lets Nix escalate him and rest on his shoulder like it's the most comfortable place in the world. Regulus thinks he's jealous of his cat. 

"If you didn't have bought your forgiveness with my orgasm, this would do," Regulus tells him, almost moaning with how good the food is. 

"Double forgiveness, then," he grins at him. "I'm very sorry, though."

"You should," he says. "All my friends want to punch you."

"I'll let them," he promises him. "I never wanted to hurt you," he tells him almost shamefully, squeezing Regulus' feet on his stomach. 

Regulus stops to think about it. He normally can hold a grudge but… He tries to see things from James' perspective, the same way he knows James did with him, and he thinks he gets it. James is older, and though he's not much older than Regulus, his life is already settled. He already knows what he wants, he has a stable job, he has a kid. Regulus is only a twenty-two-year-old with dreams and a lot of problems he hasn't fixed yet. 

He remembers what Dorcas told him, about how James tends to decide what's better for everyone but himself, and he understands that, somehow, even if wrongly, James was trying to prevent Regulus from getting tangled in his life because their lives are on very opposite sides right now. 

Weirdly enough, it doesn't bother Regulus. 

Yes, he knows they live different lives, but Regulus never knew peace since he went to France. He did so much shit once he learned what freedom was like that he feels like he already lived too much, was young for too long. And maybe he's wrong, but it doesn't feel like he's being chained right now. He wants stability too, a man who will move mountains for him and choose him. He doesn't need crazy stories and sleepless nights, he's fine with nights like this as well. 

"I know that," he ends up nodding. "You just wanted to shield me from what you think I shouldn't be part of."

"I want you to be part of it," he corrects him softly. "I just don't want you to get trapped with me to the point you don't live your own life." 

"Be selfish and keep me, then," he tells him. "I already lived too much, did a lot of crazy shit and dated all the wrong guys. I'm fine with a little peace right now." 

"You think that now."

"James," he huffs. "Stop worrying about this, okay? I know what I'm in for. I know you." 

"Fine," he relents, lifting Regulus' ankle to his mouth so he can kiss the side of his leg. 

"Dorcas told me you don't know how to allow yourself to live," he reveals. 

"Dorcas talks too much," he scoffs. 

"Was she right, though?" Regulus asks. 

"I just— It's hard for me, sometimes," he confesses. "To just let go and live my life. I'm always worrying that I'm doing everything wrong and I want everyone around me to have the best life possible. I can't let go easily, not how I did before Harry." 

James never told him any of this, he's always so bright and confident that you'd never think he has this type of fear about life. He's so scared of fucking everything up he ends up not living at all. 

"It's not because you have a kid that your life stopped to happen, you know," Regulus tells him, looking intently at James. "And other's comfort shouldn't stop you from doing what you want either. Your life is still yours, you don't stop having one just because you're old and responsible."

"You should stop calling me old," he pokes his stomach. 

Regulus grins but rolls his eyes. To make his point heard, he shifts on the sofa, putting his plate on the center table and sitting on James' lap. 

"I'm being serious," he tells him, holding his face between his hands. "You should let yourself have some fun once in a while, I promise you Harry won't have daddy issues and the world won't explode if you let go sometimes." 

"You were the first thing that ever made me want to stop controlling myself so hard," he confesses, holding his waist. 

"Good," he nods to himself. "You're forgiven, by the way."

"I'm relieved," he smiles at him.

"But don't ever do that again," he warns him, a little more serious and threatening now. "I have a hard time opening up to others and I hate when I do and people betray my trust. I'm trusting you with my feelings."

James looks at him with soft and honest eyes, a hint of regret in them. He truly believes James didn't want to hurt him, even with the mixed signals, the pretense of the friendship and how much he toyed with Regulus, he knows none of it was made with ill intent. Regulus made mistakes, James did too, but he would rather start this with a clean slate. 

He's trusting in James again, and maybe he's a fool for doing so, but if Regulus gets scared of opening up at every corner he takes because he wants to protect himself, he'll never live again. It's hard to open up and he refused to in the past tons of times, but he wants something with James so he needs to give him a vote of confidence. 

"I'll take care of it," he promises him. "Never again, love. I promised I'd be good, didn't I?" 

"You did," he confirms, biting his lower lip. Regulus looks at James with heavy attention, and he fears he could do this for hours, just staring at him without blinking. 

"Then trust me this once," he touches his jaw, like James needs to touch Regulus even if for a moment. 

"You hurt me, I'll fuck up your entire life," he promises him. Regulus doesn't care if he's being crazy, when he commits to things, it's almost like doing a blood pact. 

"I'll deserve it," he nods, grinning a bit. "Now finish your food, it'll get cold soon." 

Regulus does just that, getting off of James' lap and going back to his spot on the sofa, eating the rest of his food like the conversation didn't happen at all. But both of them knew it did and that a promise was made. He'll trust James as much as James will trust Regulus, and with that, Regulus hopes they can find the pace of a relationship together. 

It's the beginning of something, something Regulus wants.

They finish their food talking about what they missed in the weeks they weren't talking to each other. About Harry, Regulus' new friendship with Emma and Emmeline and about that night he got drunk. About what he missed on Sirius' halloween party and birthday, because yes Regulus pretended he was sick only to avoid James. 

When he stops to realize, he notices both of them are tangled in his sofa, Nix at the sofa's arm sleeping curled on himself. As if it was natural, like two magnets being pulled together. James' heat keeping him warm, arms curled against Regulus' waist and legs intertwined,— Like they had been doing this for an eternity. 

James offers to wash his dishes, but Regulus waves him off because his dishes are not that important and he just wants to lie down and cuddle, so James relents and they both walk to Regulus' bedroom, lying side by side on the mattress. 

"Can you sleep here?" Regulus asks him, not caring if it's too soon, if they just decided to be something a few hours ago. If he's being too clingy or too pathetic. James makes him less self-conscious. 

"Yeah," he replies, kissing Regulus' head and caressing his thigh gently. "I have to pick Harry up at my parents' before lunch, though." 

"That's fine, I have to go to work early," he nuzzles his nose on James' neck, inhaling his scent. "You smell so good, it's annoying."

"Would you rather I stink?" He asks amusedly. 

"Yes, it would make you less attractive," he grumbles against the skin of his neck. 

"You love that I'm attractive."

"No, I hate it," he denies. 

"Love it," he pinches his thigh, making Regulus jerk a bit. 

"Shut up, Potter," he pinches him back, biting at his shoulder. 

"Oh, no," he laughs. "Regulus Black is a biter." 

He smiles, lifting his head to stare at James. "It's my love language." 

"I can feel it," he hums, feigning seriousness. 

Regulus rolls his eyes, sitting on the mattress to start undressing James. If he'll sleep here, he should at least be comfortable enough. 

"You're undressing me now?" He asks with an arched eyebrow.

"Would you rather sleep in your work clothes?" He asks back, eyeing him. 

"I think you just want me naked."

"You can keep your boxers," he offers with a smirk, pushing his shirt down his shoulders. "If you're completely naked, there won't be much sleeping." 

"Such small faith, Reg," he teases him. 

"I'm talking about myself," he deadpans, making James laugh. He hates how much his heart quickens with the sound of his laugh, it could turn into his favorite sound.  

"I fear I'm too tired to properly fuck you tonight, though," he says, looking at Regulus with hooded eyes as he unbelts his trousers. Regulus can see how tired James looks now that he's relaxed enough. 

"I don't want to fuck tonight," he tells him. "I just want to sleep with you." Regulus feels almost embarrassed for admitting this out loud. Sex is one thing, it's instinct and lust. Building a relationship based on sex is easy, it doesn't require real things or intimacy. Sex was never about intimacy for Regulus, it was about being desired and liked, but to just sleep with someone without any type of sex is much more intimate to Regulus than any dirty sex. 

"I like the sound of that," he comments softly. Regulus takes his trousers off, leaving James only in dark boxers. He obviously is a sight to behold, and Regulus could honestly spend hours admiring James' body, but tonight it's not about this. "Come here."

Regulus snuggles against James' body, hard chest under his palm with his leg thrown on top of James' and cheek on his shoulder. He can feel James' strong heartbeat, steady and powerful. 

"It wasn't so bad, you know," he ends up saying after a few beats of silence. 

"What wasn't?"

"Your absence," he tells him, wanting to ease James for some reason. "You were busy, but you always found time to text me or meet me even if it was for twenty minutes."

"That's because I was being reckless."

"What do you mean?" He frowns, turning around so his chin is on James' chest, their faces close. 

"I mean that I shouldn't be having breaks but I did anyway because I wanted to see you," he confesses. "Sometimes, I would get out early to meet you just to end my work after I dropped you off. I wasn't as committed to my job as I was before you." 

"Are you telling me you were irresponsible all this time because you were too obsessed with me?" He asks him, starting to grin for some reason. 

"Yes," he sighs. 

This makes Regulus feel really fucking smug. He knows he shouldn't find such happiness in knowing he was ruining James' life with how much he wanted him, but it strokes his ego a bit and soothes the tiny voice in his head that was doubting how much James wanted him. Now he knows that the answer is, a lot. To the point James left his job when he shouldn't just to see him. 

"You seem really satisfied with this fact," he comments, snorting. 

"That's because I am," he smiles. "God, you're so pathetic." 

"Only for your amusement, love," he says, pulling Regulus closer to him and squeezing his ass lightly. "Want to know a secret?" 

"Yes," he whispers. 

"The night at the club, I came here looking for you after you left," James tells him. "Which is how I know you lied to me about where you went because I tried to ring the intercom for ten minutes straight."

"You went after me?" He asks, surprised. 

"I did."

"But— You said you weren't going to kiss me," he says in awe. 

"Regulus," he shakes his head. "You have no idea how much strength I put into denying you, do you? You're so— Fuck, baby, you're perfect. One look from you and I wanted to get on my knees, telling you no was practically torture and after you left… I couldn't stop thinking about how mad you were with me, how you were so willing, so inviting, all alone in your flat," his voice drops a bit, eyes focused. "And I knew I wanted to take it back and kiss the fuck out of you. So yes, I came all the way here hoping you were home. But you weren't."

Fuck, if Regulus wasn't feeling so stupid and unwanted that night, he could've been with James way before the real thing happened. It wasn't going to be easier, he knows that, both of them were quite drunk and it would still be messy, but just knowing James wanted him that desperately that night makes his body burn. 

"I went to someone else's place," he confesses. He watches with sick fascination James' jaw clenching and his eyes hardening, god he's so jealous and possessive it's almost too hot. "I moaned to your name."

"You did what?" 

"Another guy was getting me off and I moaned your name instead of his," he repeats, feeling his cheeks getting hot because, well, he is still embarrassed because of it.

James, the absolute fucker, starts grinning like a cheshire cat, all smug and cocky. Because of course he would like to know Regulus was so into him, he moaned his name while having sex with another guy. 

"Shut up," Regulus warns him. 

"I didn't say anything," he tries to defend himself, but the smile is still in place. "Was it with the Ahole guy?"

"Avery," he corrects him, unimpressed. 

"Yeah, this one," he grunts. "The boytoy."

"Yes, it was," he confirms, sighing. "It was really fucking embarrassing and I hated you for it. Lost a very nice fuck buddy because of it."

"Thank god," he says honestly. 

"No, not thank god," he shakes his head. "It was humiliating and the most embarrassing moment of my life and it was all because of you."

"Your body knows it only wants mine, love," he says smugly. "From now on it will only be mine. I don't share. Ever."

Regulus feels his body getting warmer. He knew that, of course, but having James confirming no one but him will ever touch Regulus while they're together does something to his fucked up brain. Regulus is definitely not one of those people who condemn possessiveness, he quite likes it. To be owned, kept, cared for. 

"Okay," he breathes out. 

"So, you can delete Grinder and stop following all the pricks you ever talked to before me," he says seriously, holding Regulus' chin with his thumb and forefinger. Oh god, James is so fucking hot. 

"Will you do the same?" He asks him. 

James picks up his phone from the nightstand table by his side, unlocking his phone and deleting Tinder right in front of Regulus. Regulus could fuck him right now. 

"You can also snoop around my Insta and contacts," he tells him easily. "I'm not joking about you and I don't want you doubting about how much I want you. I'm not thinking or interested in anyone other than you."

He knows his cheeks are red from how turned on this small thing does to him. Guys normally don't offer this to Regulus, he's always one in the middle of others, and even when he did have a real relationship, this type of transparency didn't happen either. Now Regulus can admit he was probably cheated on without knowing, but oh well, the past is the past. 

"Same goes for you," he manages to say. "I will do it, promise." 

"Good," he nods. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of crazy about you."

"Obsessed," he corrects him, a small smile playing on his lips. 

"That too," James confirms, a twin smile on his own lips. 

Regulus escalates James' body a bit, practically all on top of him, one of his legs hitched so his knee it's on James' hip, and when they're with faces hovering against each other, Regulus licks James' bottom lip. Just teasing. One of James' hands holds the thigh from the leg that's hitched while the other grips his ass firmly. James opens his mouth to kiss him, but Regulus escapes from his lips pulling his head back a bit, tsking. 

"You're such a fucking tease," James murmurs. 

"Me?" He smirks. 

James rolls his eyes, the hand holding his thigh going to the back of his neck, and then Regulus is being pulled to James' lips. 

Opening his mouth to his tongue it's almost second nature, their lips moving in synchrony, Regulus hitching his leg even higher while grinding against James, his hand on his ass helping out. He lets out drawn noises from the back of his throat, breath hitching the more they deepen the kiss and Regulus loves it. Loves kissing him, how James' hands on his body feel like, how he sucks on his tongue and bites his lips lightly, teasingly. 

When he's breathless, he breaks the kiss, panting softly against James' lips. 

"It's a crime you kiss this good," Regulus says with a hoarse voice. 

"You're not so bad yourself," he teases him with a dazzling smile. 

"That's it, no more kisses for you." Regulus gets off of James, but the prick only laughs, rolling them in bed so he's on top of Regulus. He kisses his cheeks, his nose, parting Regulus' legs with his knee so he can fit in between them before he kisses Regulus again in a way that makes his toes curl from how good it is. 

Regulus would offer his entire body to James as a sacrifice only to have him like this. 

No one ever managed to make Regulus so breathless and faint with a kiss like James does. 

"Wait," he moans against his mouth, chest heaving. 

James stops, looking at him with attentive eyes and waiting. 

"If we keep going, I—" he swallows dryly. "We should sleep."

"Mhm, sleep," James mutters, kissing Regulus' jaw as a reply. He kisses Regulus behind his ear, a very sensitive spot, and he shudders a bit, a moan choking on his lips. "I love the noises you let out, love," he whispers in his ear. 

"Who's the tease now?" 

"You need to learn that being a brat has its consequences," he says amused, lowering his kisses to Regulus' neck. 

He doesn't mean to, but his back arches and he bears his neck to James as an offering. Regulus' hoodie rides up, and James' hand holds his waist bruisingly. 

"James," he breathes out, his hands running through James' back. 

"Yes, love?" 

"Sleep," he repeats, not even remembering the meaning of the word anymore. 

"In a minute."

He sucks on the base of Regulus' nape, dragging a moan out of him. Regulus can feel his body burning up in desire, and James' half-hard cock resting on his stomach it's tempting. So fucking tempting. Regulus knows he's wet already, he could just slip him inside. Just the tip. He could— 

"Sleep," James repeats, stopping altogether and getting off of Regulus, laying by his side while Regulus is still panting. 

"God, you're such an evil man," he grunts. 

"The worst, baby," he confirms, smirking like an asshole and kissing Regulus' cheek. "Or maybe you're just a slut for me."

He flushes with the comment. "Shut up, James."

"Come here," he says with a laugh somewhere. James brings Regulus close by the waist, hugging his back like a heavy octopus. His nose rests on Regulus' hair and he gives him a sweet kiss on his nape. "Now sleep."

"I can't," he grumbles. "Your dick it's poking my ass."

"Ignore it."

"It's really big, James."

The asshole snorts, laughing silently against Regulus' hair. He can feel the vibration of his laughter in his back, and it's kind of nice. Regulus squirms on his hold, trying to get more comfortable and he can hear the slightly hitching of James' breath when his ass grinds against his dick. It's not really that hard, but it is poking Regulus' ass. 

"Stop moving," James tells him. 

"I'm trying to get comfortable," he complains. 

James grunts again, moving Regulus around again until he's almost on top of James. Like this, his dick it's not really poking anything and Regulus is comfortable enough with cheek on his chest and James' chin on top of his head. 

"Stop manhandling me," he complains again. 

"You like it," he can hear the smirk in his voice. 

"You're so annoying."

"Sleep, Regulus," he slaps his ass lightly. 

"Fine," he relents. "Good night."

"Good night, love," he kisses the top of his head.

And though Regulus was catching on fire minutes ago, in James' arms, it's really easy to fall asleep. 

Regulus doesn't dream. When he awakes, his entire body is engulfed in heat and that's a hard wall in his back. He blinks a bit, trying to make sense of it. Sunlight streaks enter his bedroom through the curtains and he only needs James' nose rubbing against his nape to remember what happened last night. 

James on his door, telling him everything they hadn't talked about for months, apologizing, staying and sleeping with him. The same James that's now hugging him tightly against his body from behind, his hot breath fawning against Regulus' nape and his chest getting up and down on his back. 

A secret about Regulus Black is that he was never a touchy person growing up. Besides Sirius, no one really touched Regulus gently and he grew up very touch-starved without even knowing he liked being touched. He only learned how much he craved being touched when he met his friends and realized that he did like it. That when it's good and genuine, Regulus wants it. So he definitely likes the heaviness of James' body holding him, cuddling him like even in his unconsciousness, James wants to keep touching him. 

He enjoys this position for a few more minutes, still a little bit groggy from sleep and body relaxed. Regulus thinks he wouldn't mind waking up to this every morning. 

The digital clock in his nightstand tells him it's not that early anymore and Regulus unfortunately needs to get ready so he can go to work, so he starts disentangling himself from James slowly. James tightens his grip on him, bringing Regulus even closer and grunting on his ear, not allowing him to get up. 

"Stay still," he tells him. And oh. James' morning voice. It does something to Regulus, something almost pathetic. He feels weak, because his voice is deep, hoarse and really fucking delicious, making all the little hairs on his body stand. 

"I need to get ready," he breathes out. 

"You can afford a few minutes in bed with me," he rebukes, biting Regulus' ear lobe. 

An alien noise escapes Regulus' throat and he unconsciously grinds against James' morning wood. James doesn't seem to care, going to attack Regulus' neck with kisses and licks. He doesn't bite, probably because he knows Regulus can't just go out with huge hickeys on his neck, but he has his fair share of fun. Regulus turns into a mess very quickly, breathing heavily and squirming in his arms. His stomach churns hotly and his heart beats fast, though he just woke up. 

"James," he whispers, his voice a little raspy from sleep. "I need—"

"I want breakfast," he tells him directly in his ear.

"That's fine, we can—" Regulus loses his words to a squealing sound, because James is flipping him on the bed, laying Regulus on his back so he can hover on top of him. "What are you doing?" 

"Having breakfast," he smiles at him. And it steals the breath of Regulus' lungs. Because James' face is still a little swollen from sleep, his hair it's messier than normal and he looks so damn soft. His eyes are hungry for Regulus, but everything else looks almost too soothing. 

Without an explanation, he's kissing Regulus like a starved man, and Regulus has no idea how he's like this after waking up, but he doesn't really care. Doesn't care about morning breath either or about time, because right now he only cares about James. 

One of James' hands disappears under the blankets, finding its way between Regulus' thighs and brushing his thumb against the fabric of Regulus' boyshorts, finding his clit and making him gasp against his lips. 

James' hard length presses against Regulus' waist and he rolls his hips shallowly, just enjoying this almost lazy snog session. Regulus fists James' hair, deepening the kiss and holding tightly on his shoulder, the stimulation on his cunt making him wet and causing an amazing buzz on his body. With his free hand, James slides his hoodie up, showing him Regulus' stomach and chest. He stops kissing him to lower his lips to Regulus' nipples almost lazily, licking and sucking the bud until Regulus is panting. 

He starts pushing James down to where he wants him, where he needs him. James doesn't fight against it, looking almost amused with Regulus' silent order. He kisses all traces of skin while he's pushed down before his head is between Regulus' legs, and with ease he takes the shorts off, throwing them on the floor. Regulus bends his legs, opening them and grabbing one of James' hands to hold and squeeze. 

James sucks on his clit and Regulus is already undone, the sleepiness mixed with his desire causes a good feeling on his body, making his head hazy and needy. He moans almost too loudly, whimperings escaping his mouth while he rolls his hips down, legs trembling a bit the more his pleasure builds. 

He fears he's already addicted to James' mouth on him. He licks, sucks, slips his tongue inside and uses his fingers to help, squeezing Regulus' hand back when he's being a bit too needy. 

"James, I'm close," he closes his eyes, head thrown back. 

James keeps going, and with a shudder and hitched breath, Regulus is coming, feeling like he's on cloud nine. James licks him clean, making Regulus whine a bit because of the overstimulation, and when he's finished he goes back up to kiss Regulus gently on the lips. 

"Thanks," he breathes out. 

"Told you I was hungry," he smiles, kissing his nose. 

"I never met someone more eager to eat pussy than you," he snorts, biting James' wrist lightly with the hand still holding his. 

"You just met all the wrong guys, then," he tells him. "I could eat you out for hours." Regulus would love to test that one of those days. 

"What about you?" Regulus asks him, his free hand going down to squeeze James' hard cock that's already leaking precum on his boxers.  

"I'm not a teenager, love," he laughs. "I can eat your pussy without needing to get off."

"I want you to get off," he whispers. "Let me suck you."

James looks at him attentively, and by his widened pupils, Regulus can see that he likes the idea. 

"You want to make me come, Reg?" 

"Yeah," he nods eagerly, biting his lower lip. 

"You want to please me that badly?" He asks in a lower tone. 

"I do," he breathes out. "You can do everything you want."

"Everything I want, huh?" He smirks at him. 

"You did say this body was yours," he mutters, feeling himself flushing. 

"I did, didn't I?" He squeezes his hand. "Where's your lube?" 

Regulus' head shortcuts. Does James want to fuck him on the ass? Regulus would like that, he would really like that. 

"First drawer," he replies shakily. "Are you going to fuck my ass?" He blurts out. 

James pauses in the middle of opening the drawer, looking at Regulus a little surprised. 

"You like that?" He asks, like the thought didn't even cross his mind. 

"I mean… When it's done right, yeah, I do," he gulps. "So?"

"Not what I was going at, love," he tells him, and Regulus almost gets disappointed. "But now that I know you like it, I'm definitely doing it someday." 

"What are you going to do, then?" He asks suspiciously. 

James doesn't reply, opening his drawer. "I can't believe you have a purple collection of sex toys," he comments in amusement, watching with heavy eyes the amount of stuff Regulus has inside. 

"Can't a guy have some fun once in a while?" He says defensively, sitting on the bed. 

"How does this fit inside of you?" James asks, showing Regulus a very big dildo. 

"Your cock fits, why this one wouldn't?" 

"Because this is a monster cock, Regulus," he laughs. 

"Are you shaming me now?" He grunts, kneeling to grab the lube and close the drawer quickly. "You're such an asshole, Potter."

"I'm fucking you with that one of these days," he promises him. "Want to see how much fits inside of you." 

Regulus flushes with the promise, and James smiles, clearly noticing how much he likes this idea. 

"You're annoying," he pushes James lightly, throwing the lube at him. 

Slowly, almost teasingly, James takes his boxers off, all naked for Regulus to ogle. He still can't believe he bagged that. James should be arrested for looking like that, no matter how many times Regulus looks at him, he still finds himself amazed every single time. Being real or not, Regulus thinks God took his sweet time making James. 

"Close your mouth, love," he comments with a smirk. "You're drooling." 

"How does your ego fit inside of your head?" He asks annoyed. 

"You're also very hot," James says, opening the bottle and coating his cock with lube. Regulus watches almost hypnotized as James coates his entire length with it. He wants to put his cock in his mouth so bad, feel it ruining his throat and making him gag. 

When he's finished, James cleans his hand on Regulus' hoodie, getting a hard stare in return, but he only smiles, grabbing Regulus' waist with both hands and pulling him close to the edge of the mattress. James flips him with only one hand, Regulus' stomach now pressed against the mattress with his ass in the air and feet on the floor. 

He takes a rushed, excited breath before James is fitting his cock between Regulus' thighs, pressing them against it. 

"Oh," he breathes out. 

James pushes his back down, making Regulus arch his lower back and ass. 

"Press tighter," he tells him, and Regulus does, locking his ankles together so it's tight enough for James to fuck his thighs like a personal fleshlight. "Like that, baby."

James gives the first thrust, his dick slipping easily between Regulus' thighs and the tip of his cock brushing against Regulus' cunt, making him let out a shaky breath. 

"You have no idea for how long I wanted to do this," James confesses between a groan, slapping Regulus' ass for a good measure and making him fist his sheets. "Remember the pool party, love? When you put on those stupid shorts that barely covered your ass?" He slaps him again, the sound of his balls hitting the back of Regulus' thighs loud in the room. "Showing off this fucking thighs that were begging me to mark them." 

It's slippery and wet, making a fucking mess of Regulus' thighs which are definitely red by now. The lube, mixed with his own wetness and James' leaking precum making everything sticky. He feels like being defiled and he likes it, likes the squeeze between his thighs trapping James' length and the tip of James' cock slipping under his cunt, making the tempting desire of sliding inside of himself grow by the second. He likes that every part of his body could make James get off. 

"Knew I needed to fuck them at least once," he says, a raspy groan escaping his throat. A sound so good Regulus gets addicted to it. 

Regulus shudders a bit, forehead resting against the mattress while his breath hitches at each thrust. Like this, he can see James' tip disappearing and sliding between his thighs easily, again and again. It's hot, so fucking hot. There's something almost nefarious with the scene, to watch the head of James' dick squeezed between his skin. 

"You such a fucking pervert, Potter," he chuckles, almost breathless. "What people would think if they knew you daydreamed about fucking me, huh?"

"I think they would understand me," he replies, voice like Regulus'. "Because anyone that looks twice at you would be plagued with the same thoughts. And you like that, don't you, love?" 

"Shut up," he moans. 

"Because you're such a good little slut, Regulus," he tells him with a voice hoarse and strained. "My good little slut. Begging to please me, spreading your legs so easily, baby. Squeezing my dick so good," he slaps his ass again, making Regulus' entire body jerk with the strength and the amazing burn on his ass cheek. "Wanting me to cum all over you." 

Without realizing it, Regulus is rolling his hips, trying to ride James' cock in this position so he can rub his length on his clit. Like a desperate slut. 

Regulus wants James inside of him, but he knows he shouldn't. Not like this, this isn't about fucking Regulus, but it doesn't change the fact he feels empty. 

"Yeah, love, keep going," James breathes out. "You're so good at this. So good to me." 

Regulus squeezes his thighs tighter, meeting James thrust by thrust, until he's panting and quickening his thrusts. When he's close enough, he slips out of Regulus' thighs and strokes his cock, and with a groan he's coming all over Regulus' back and ass, resting his forehead on Regulus' shoulder while he breathes heavily. 

"That was fun," Regulus says, almost breathless. He can feel the sticky mess on his thighs, but Regulus quite likes James' cum coating his skin and his hot body on his back. 

James laughs a bit hoarsely, trying to catch his breath, and when he manages to stand up, he helps Regulus to get up as well. 

"Go to shower, I can clean everything up," he tells him, kissing him on the lips softly. 

With legs still a bit weak, Regulus goes to the bathroom, taking a very needed shower and cleaning himself up. When he gets out, he feels more human and his stomach growls with the smell of food around his flat. 

Regulus is not a lazy housekeeper and he feeds himself alright, but breakfast it's not something he usually does. The idea of James making him breakfast makes him want to smile, and he kind of likes the view of him cooking in his kitchen barefoot with yesterday's clothes. 

"Hey you," James smiles brightly at him when he notices Regulus. 

"Hi," he replies, walking to James' side to watch what he's doing. Crispy toast with cheese, it seems. 

"There wasn't tea, so there's apple juice for you."

"What am I, eight?" 

James rolls his eyes at his reply, turning the stove off and putting Regulus' toast on a plate. 

"You need to go to the grocery store," he tells him, crossing his arms and resting his ass on the edge of the counter. 

"Yes, dad," he teases him, taking a bite of his toast, which is really good. "Aren't you going to eat something?"

"I already did," he smirks. 

"Food, James," he deadpans. "Eat food." 

"No, love, thanks," he laughs. "I'm dropping you off at the publisher and then I'm heading home. I think I'll eat breakfast at my parents'." 

"I can walk."

"Nope, I'm driving you."

"Fine," he agrees, just because he knows James can be annoying about stuff like that. James hooks one of his fingers in Regulus' belt loops, pulling him close to his body until their hips are flushing against each other. "What?"

"Go on a date with me," he asks him, kissing his neck softly while Regulus munches his toast. 

A date. 

If Regulus counts on his fingers the amount of guys that he had sex with, the list would be a little long. However, if he counts the list of guys who asked him on a date using explicitly the word date, the list would be very small. He's not counting the tinder dates, of course, because he doesn't catalog them as real dates. No one fucked him and asked him on a date before, which probably shows how fucking pathetic Regulus' love life was. 

For some reason, the idea of James asking him on a date, this time really being honest about it, makes him giddy. He's not going to say he's feeling butterflies in his stomach because that would be embarrassing, but well, he's quite happy with the invite. 

"When?"

"Friday," tomorrow, then. "I'll pick you up at seven."

"Okay," he agrees. 

"Okay," he repeats, smiling and kissing Regulus on the cheek. He can't say he hates James' little kisses, because he doesn't. "Eat up, we don't want you getting late." 

"You can use the bathroom now," he tells him, patting him on the arm. "Feel free to pick up a new toothbrush."

"I'm going to use yours."

"Stop being gross, Potter," he grimaces. "Shoo, now." 

"You like me so much," he grins. 

"You're delusional."

"Obsessed, Reg."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Since you were twelve," he reminds him. Regulus feels compelled to throw something at him. 

"Oh my god, just die." 

James laughs loudly, getting out of the kitchen while his laughter echoes through Regulus' flat, and he thinks to himself, this is the type of thing he wouldn't mind having regularly. That a part of him wants regularly. 

And to someone like Regulus, someone who wants a lot of things but rarely gets them, it feels weird, this soothing feeling in his chest. This easy happiness. 

Regulus wants to keep it. 

Between the moment James drops him off and a few minutes before their first official date, a succession of things happen. 

Regulus unblocks James in all social media for starters, so they start texting each other again like the past weeks never happened. They text stupid things most of the time, like James telling him someone cursed at him in the traffic, or Regulus telling him his options for lunch. Other times, James will simply text him thinking of you or an I miss you and Regulus will blush stupidly in the privacy of his own flat. 

Following his promise, Regulus deletes Grindr and blocks all the guys he was still talking to, sending prints to James for peace of mind and receiving a good boy text as an answer, which also makes him blush stupidly. 

He doesn't tell his friends about the news, simply because he doesn't want to go back to everything they talked about without concrete proof that things are working, so he'll only say something when he's sure things are not going to fall apart. Regulus knows he should just be honest, and he also knows his friends would never judge him, but for now, he kind of wants to keep James and him to himself. Preserve the opportunity of building things without other's opinions because Regulus is aware everyone will have an opinion. Not only his friends but his brother as well. He'd rather be without them for now. 

He'll let them create roots, and then he'll let it grow into the light. 

James texts him saying he's arriving, and Regulus tries to fight the little flutter in his stomach. He's wearing black trousers and a gray sweater, it's November so it's getting colder and colder, which makes Regulus grab a heavy coat before he leaves his flat. 

The black Ranger Rover is already parked when he gets out of his building,  and when he enters the car, James is smiling at him. 

James' smell is already impregnating the car, leaving Regulus slightly drunk on him, like there's an urge climbing through him demanding Regulus to sink his nose on James and never let go. He's wearing light jeans, brown leather jacket and black cashmere, so fucking beautiful it makes Regulus a little bit feral. 

"Hi, love."

Instead of responding like a normal person, Regulus simply tilts his body, grabs James' face between his hands, and kisses him. 

It's kind of silly to say that he missed James when he saw him yesterday, but his body comes completely undone when their lips touch, and Regulus fears he could do this for hours without caring about anything else but James. 

"What a warm greeting," James comments when they stop kissing, his lips red. "Are you wearing cherry lip gloss?"

"Yeah," he snorts. 

"I like it," he licks Regulus' lips to prove his point. 

"You're not supposed to eat it, you know," he comments, amused. 

"Too late," he gives him a small peck. 

"Hi," he ends up saying, maybe a little too late.

"Hi," James laughs. "You look pretty."

"You look good too," he scratches his throat, looking around the car. 

"I gathered that when you jumped on me," he teases him. 

"I didn't jump on you," he says offended. "I'm not a beast."

"More like a feral cat," he hums. 

"I'm going to scratch you," he threatens him.

"You already did, two days ago," James grins at him, "Made a fucking mess."

"Sorry?" 

"You should try to sound more genuine," he snorts. 

"Whatever," Regulus huffs. "Where are you taking me tonight?" 

"You'll see," he replies creepily, starting the car. 

Regulus decides he'll allow James this small mercy, quickly going to connect the aux of the car to his phone, even if James didn't tell him he could do it. If they're going to date he should start getting used to the idea of Regulus being his passenger princess. 

"Really? A dad's band?" James asks him. 

"Because I'm fucking a dad, so," he smirks, turning the volume up as Special Needs from Placebo starts playing. "And it's not even a dad's music band, this song is not that old."

"Only freaks and dads listen to Placebo, Regulus."

"Guess which one I am." 

James shakes his head with a smile on his lips, like the fact that Regulus can possibly be a freak amuses him deeply. 

"What's next, Radiohead?" 

"Well, it's my favorite band, so…"

"Oh my god, Reg," he laughs. "Your favorite band it's Radiohead? You should listen to Taylor Swift, you know?"

"Oh my god, shut up," he groans. "I refuse to like Taylor Swift, I'm breaking the circle, James." 

"Look at you, a Radiohead fan who likes watching Sex and The City," he teases him. "You're so cool, Regulus."

"What's your favorite band?" 

"Blood Orange." 

"Let me guess," he says, "And Frank Ocean?" 

"I don't like your judgy tone."

"I'm right, aren't I? You're a Frank Ocean fan," he groans. "I want to break up."

"We're not even officially dating yet," he laughs. "You can't break up with me." 

"I can, this is me breaking up with you," he says, pretending to be very serious. 

"Just so you know, my favorite band when I was a teenager was Gorillaz."

"I can accept that," he nods. 

"Come on, Reg, Frank Ocean is really good, you have to admit," he tries to argue. 

"I don't have to admit anything," he disagrees. 

"No, now you offended me, the next song needs to be a Frank Ocean one," he tells him. 

"You're annoying," he huffs. "Which one do you want?" 

"Ivy," he smiles. "Thank you, love, you're so sweet." 

"Fuck you."

"Not today, I'm afraid," he jokes. Ivy starts playing, and James taps his thigh a little excited. "Listen to this," he tells him. "This is real music." 

Regulus rolls his eyes, but in all truth, he doesn't hate Frank Ocean and he can admit the music is good, just not to James. 

"It's okay," he comments. 

"You're killing me, Regulus," he laments, a little too dramatically. 

"You'll survive," he deadpans. 

James goes on a ten-minute rant about how Frank Ocean is the best soloist to ever exist and Regulus fights back a smile. He likes how James gets passionate about small things, how he gesticulates while he's driving and almost loses an entrance because he's too busy arguing his point of view. And Regulus finds himself amazed with how stupid things can be as important as big ones. He observes James talking about stupid Frank Ocean and learns so much about him, how passionate he is about the things he likes, how his eyes widen when he's making a point and how he frowns his eyebrows when he's thinking of something. He's just a guy, then. He's not a father, not someone older, filthy rich, or an important person. He's just Regulus' James. Just a silly man talking about the things he enjoys, and Regulus loves it. Could argue with him for hours just to listen to James talking. 

When they finally arrive at where James planned to, Regulus realizes they're in a Brazilian restaurant, which makes Regulus excited because he loves everything he tasted in Effie's house through the years, and he kind of likes that James wants to show him things about his culture. 

"This is my favorite restaurant," James tells him when they get out of the car. "The food here only loses to my mom's food." 

"I don't think there's food better than your mom's," he says honestly. 

"Exactly," he smiles. 

Inside, the restaurant is decorated with dark wood and green plants and is quite full of customers. The waitress guides them to a table for two and Regulus lets James choose his food because he obviously knows better than Regulus. He orders rice, beans, something called farofa and steak, plus guaraná. He knows it's quite common for Brazilians to eat beans and rice almost every day, something Effie told him a long time ago, and James confirms to him. 

"Don't you get tired of eating it every day?" He asks, curious. 

"Not really," he shakes his head. "We always eat with something else, so the taste is never the same. I'm not that used to eating every day, though. But mom still eats it religiously, and in Brazil, there's always going to be some rice and beans for meals." 

"I think I'd like to visit Brazil one day," he says thoughtfully. "I'd want to see the place you grew up in, and Effie always talks so much about it."

"I'm taking you to Búzios someday," James promises him. 

"Where is this?" 

"Rio," he replies. "My parents have a house there and it's really beautiful. I mean, we have houses in a lot of places, but Búzios it's really quiet and private in some months. I think you'd like it." 

He tries not to care much about the fact that James wants to take him to Brazil. 

"What about other places?" He asks. 

"Bahia is also very beautiful, it's where my family goes for Carnaval," he tells him. "Fernando de Noronha, Lençóis Maranhenses, god, there are so many beautiful places in Brazil. I didn't even get to see everywhere." 

"It is quite big," he agrees. "Tell me about the Carnaval."

And James does, animatedly and with a lot of details, telling him stories from his past and everything he remembers from memory. It's nice, and Regulus feels like he's meeting a precious part of James, one that he's not even sure most people get to know. The food it's delicious and when James orders brigadeiro as a dessert, Regulus eats so many he feels the need to drink a gallon of water. 

During the entire dinner, James touches him everywhere he can. He holds his hand on top of the table, plays with his fingers and rings, brushes his hair behind his ear, caresses his thigh under the table and plays footsies with him. Regulus relishes every single touch like a junkie. Every time James looks at him, pays attention to what he's saying, Regulus feels like he's the only person in the entire restaurant. 

For a long time, Regulus felt like he was just white noise to people around him. He felt like, to guys, the only thing Regulus had to offer was his body. It's different with James though, with him, Regulus feels like he can be real for the first time ever.

"We need to talk about what happens from now on," James starts saying, turning Regulus' ring absently. 

"Let's talk, then," he agrees. "What do you think?"

"I think… We probably shouldn't tell people now. I think we should hold back for a while, especially from Sirius," he replies. "It's not that I want to hide you! Or that I'm embarrassed, or—"

"James," he cuts him off. "I know. I get it. Honestly, I don't want to tell him yet either."

"You don't?"

"No," he bites his lower lip. "Sirius… I love my brother, but we do have issues we need to fix, he still sees me like he needs to fix my entire life for me and we need to change that before I tell him about you. He's not controlling and I don't think he would hate us together, but he'll be… Overbearing. He'll be breathing down our necks and in constant fear of needing to fix everything that goes wrong. So yeah, I don't think we should tell Sirius now. Just let me deal with it, okay? Before everything, I need to fix our shit too."

"Of course, Reg," he agrees easily. "Just go easy on him."

"What do you take me for?" He rolls his eyes, eating one more bite of his brigadeiro even if it's too sweet. "It's not going to be bad, it's just that me and Sirius don't talk about our childhood. At all. He pretends it never happened and keeps me out of the problem. Even now, he's trying to protect me, but I don't think it does him any good keeping shit from me." 

No matter how much time passed or if Regulus is an adult, Sirius still keeps too much shit to himself, and Regulus knows they're never going to be honest with each other if they're just going to ignore everything about their parents and the issues they were responsible for in both of their lives. 

"He doesn't want to overwhelm you," he says gently, Regulus stares at him with a raised eyebrow and thin lips. "I'm not saying I agree," he defends himself. 

"Let me deal with Sirius," he repeats. 

"Alright," he nods. "You obviously already know Harry, but I also want to wait before I tell him we're together. I always do that, I don't like introducing partners before I'm sure it's serious." 

He's not saying he thinks it's not serious with Regulus, just that introducing Regulus as his boyfriend to Harry requires certain trust and steadiness. Even if Harry already knows Regulus, introducing him as a partner it's a big thing and James is just keeping his kid out of it for a while. It makes sense, really, and Regulus is not upset about it. 

"You're the dad, I'm following your pace," he says easily. "I'm okay with what's best for Harry." 

James kisses his knuckles for that. 

"I think Sirius should be the first, then we think about how we're telling the others," James states. 

"Agreed," he nods. "But we'll need to be really sneaky, if he finds out before we want to tell him, he'll throw a fit and be a bitch about it."

"Don't call your brother a bitch," he pokes him. 

"He's a Black, all Blacks are bitches."

"Technically, he's a Lupin now," he corrects, making Regulus roll his eyes. 

"You can stop defending his honor now," he says. "So we sneak around for a while, it can be thrilling," he grins. 

"You just like being trouble," James points out. 

"You like it," he smirks at him. 

"I do," he agrees, kissing his temple. "I really do. I like you." 

Regulus kisses him for it. 

He feels light and content when they eventually finish dinner, and on the way back to Regulus' flat, James puts a hand on his thigh while he's driving and Regulus feels like this is a paradise. 

It's only the beginning, Regulus knows that, but somehow it already feels like they've been together for a long time, it feels like this has been real for more than it really is. 

James parks the car in front of Regulus' building and he doesn't want the night to finish. James can't stay because tomorrow he needs to wake up early to take Harry to a football game, which makes Regulus a little bit sad but nothing major. He'd rather see Harry having his dad at one of his games than being the reason James makes his kid sad, and he'll always think like that. 

"Give me a goodnight kiss," Regulus orders him, an indie song playing quietly in the aux. 

James laughs softly, tilting his body to get closer to the passenger's seat, holding Regulus' cheek and kissing him slowly. Regulus grips his jacket, coming closer to James and melting into the kiss. 

"Satisfied?" James asks against his mouth. 

Regulus hums, kissing James' jaw and neck, loving the taste of his skin on his tongue. 

"I really liked today," he mutters. "It was the best date I've ever had." 

"I'm glad you liked it," he kisses his lips softly. "I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah," he nods. "Bye, James."

"Bye, love."

And when Regulus gets inside his flat with cheeks warm and lips swollen, he thinks he left his heart in the car with James somehow. 

Chapter Text

Sneaking around left and right with James turned into the most fun of Regulus' days the week after he showed up in his flat. 

James manages to escape from work for twenty minutes to catch up with Regulus sometimes and they use the twenty minutes wholeheartedly. Snogging in his car became natural for them, making their encounters count, and even if they hadn't managed time to have a second date yet, Regulus can't say he hates how things are going. 

He misses James, of course, seeing him just a little from time to time is quite bothersome, but Regulus is also pretty busy so it's not like he has a lot of free time either. It would be nice to just go to James' house and not need to sneak around to see him, but a part of Regulus kind of likes the thrill of the beginning of their relationship. It's like there's a tension building up the more they can't touch enough or kiss enough, the thirst traps are still happening but at least now Regulus can reply with what he wants without thinking about consequences, and if he has sent James' teasing pictures showing too much skin, then it's their little secret. 

All in all, Regulus would like to say this thing with James is almost too easy. Yes, there's the fire and the desire, but it's not only about that. They talk,— about Regulus' embarrassing teenager stories and James' funny memories from childhood. James talks about Brazil like it's a part of him, Regulus talks about France like a secret identity he shows only to him. James tells him about crazy parties in college, about forbidden memories with his friends and about vulnerable moments from when Harry was this tiny little thing and he felt like the world was cracking on his back. Regulus tells him all about Alphard, about having a male figure in his life that wasn't bad but loving, about some heavy and dark memories involving his parents and Grimmauld Place and how much he wanted to come back to his brother in his hardest nights while he was in France. 

It does feel like a real relationship, but Regulus is too scared to call it that and disappoint himself.

It's not even about James, because James is doing the grovel of the year. Sending dinner to Regulus, buying him books Regulus mentioned about once, listening to all Radiohead albums because he wanted to comment all with Regulus, watching his favorite films and reading Regulus' favorite books. He reassures Regulus all the time about how much he wants him, how much he wanted him, when he couldn't have Regulus. How pretty he is, how perfect, how hot. Now that James' interest and attention it's on Regulus, he feels like the most powerful and beautiful person on Earth, like just with his attention, Regulus feels like he's worthy of everything.

But Regulus is used to things falling apart. To want something so badly only to lose them when he finally allows himself to breathe. He's scared of recognizing everything that's happening between them and having it ripped out of his hands. Good things don't usually happen with Regulus, he's used to the scraps, to the falling and breaking, and even if it's pretty recent, he can admit that James is one of those things he doesn't want to lose. 

Regulus told James that he didn't picture the future before because it was pointless, but now that they're together, he can. And oh, how fucking traitorous his thoughts are, how futile his imagination can be, because now that he knows he can think about the future, Regulus has already everything pictured in his mind. It's probably because it's only the beginning, because Regulus is infatuated and smitten by James, but he can see it clearly, and it scares him how easy it is to picture it all.

He shoved this fact deep down inside of himself, but the horrible truth about Regulus Black is that he gets attached pretty easily. The only reason Regulus was so hurt in the past by others was because of this, and he's scared that James will only be a name ripped on his skin when Regulus wants him to be the name scarred on his heart. It's just like James told him, Regulus doesn't want this to be a pit stop but a finish line. 

His friends still don't know about James and maybe Regulus is too scared to let their relationship see the light only to realize he's already in too deep while James isn't. And he knows it's insane, that he's probably really insecure deep down, but no matter how many times James reassures him, a traitorous and poisonous voice inside of Regulus' head keeps doubting everything. It's annoying and a little too exhausting, so he tries to focus on the good parts. 

Like how Harry is going to travel with Lily and Dorcas to see Lily's family while James will stay in London. Alone. On his house. Preferably fucking Regulus into the mattress until he can't remember his name and his legs are not working anymore. 

They didn't fuck yet, not since the first time, and Regulus is practically climbing the walls. Sex is not everything for him, Regulus doesn't think relationships need sex to work. But he likes sex, loves it actually, and sex with James is a playground Regulus wants to explore. There was some frotting here and there in James' car, some thigh riding and, of course, James eating his pussy like he's seriously addicted to it, but besides that, they didn't do much. Which is okay, but Regulus wants more. He's daydreaming about it, actually. About being fucked good by James, turn putty into his hands, be explored and adored and— 

"Regulus," Emma snaps her fingers in front of his face while he bites on his pen, definitely thinking dirty thoughts when he should be focusing on work. 

"I'm sorry," he blinks. "What did you just say?" 

Her eyes squint at him almost coldly, and even if Regulus now knows she's not actually thinking about killing him, he shivers a bit with her stare. 

"I said," she repeats slowly, "That I sent you the link of my thoughts about the new chapter and the suggestions for the editing. Have you checked yet?"

"I was on it," he tells her. 

"And?"

"And I didn't read it enough to have opinions about it, give me more time you literally just sent me," he deadpans. 

"Work quicker," she huffs. Regulus rolls her eyes. 

Then the most strange thing happens. Emmeline walks to them, her boots thumping heavily on the floor and she's carrying two foam cups. 

"Amelia wants a meeting next Monday, she's stuck on something and wants your opinion," she warns them, not even a hello before that. Regulus thinks they should learn to be more polite. 

"I'm free," Regulus says easily, resting his back on his chair almost lazily. 

"I think I'm too," Emma comments, her body language not so relaxed anymore. 

"Let me know," Emmeline asks her. Emma nods. Very easy and rapid conversation, it seems. Then, like Regulus just tripped into a parallel world, Emmeline extends her arm in Emma's direction with the foam cum and says, "For you."

Regulus' mouth opens. 

Emmeline never got Emma coffee. She brings Regulus coffee and ignores Emma completely, and until now, if she offered coffee to Emma he would think she spit on it, but as Emma reaches for the coffee with hard eyes but slightly red ears, Regulus is not so sure about it anymore. 

"Thanks," she mutters. 

The corner of Emmeline's mouth lifts a bit, something private passing through her eyes. 

"In case you need something, I'm in my office." 

Emma grimaces like she's disgusted by the offer, but before Emmeline leaves, she touches Emma's waist and Emma lets her. 

Regulus is having a mini crisis. It's happening, they're finally going to fuck, and it's not even happening to him, but Regulus feels excited about it immediately. 

Emmeline goes to her office, leaving Emma behind with her, definitely not poisoned, coffee. 

"What the fuck?" He whisper-yells.

"What?" She asks, unbothered.

"What was that?" He demands, pointing at the direction Emmeline went. 

"What was what?" She's playing stupid. 

"Emmeline brought you coffee. She didn't call you anything mean. She said that if you needed something she would be in her office. She touched your waist," he lists. "What's going on?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she blinks, drinking a sip of her coffee. 

"If you don't tell me, I'm sharing what I just saw with Hestia from marketing, and then, the entire building will know about it," he threatens her. 

She hisses, like Regulus is her annoying little brother she wants to shake upside down. 

"You can't tell no one," she tells him, bending her body a bit until she's looming over Regulus' desk, her voice getting lower.

"Cross my heart," he says honestly. 

"She kissed me," she confesses, quiet and silent. "The day you got drunk because of your sugar daddy," he tries not to feel offended. "I dropped her off and she was a little tipsy, so she started talking nonsense and then she kissed me."

"Oh my god," he breathes out, super excited. 

"I thought we would forget all about it," she says. "Until she said plainly that she wanted to take me on a date, it happened, I kissed her, invited her to my flat. Best sex of my life."

"Oh. My. God," he repeats dumbly, his smile splitting into his face. "I fucking knew it. It was so fucking obvious you wanted to shag each other."

"Lower your voice," Emma grunts. "I still think she's fucking annoying and she gets on my nerves, but she's the most gorgeous woman I ever met and she's also incredible smart and witty. So yes, I kind of want her."

"So?" He asks, curious and giddy. "Are you two dating?"

"No," Emma shakes her head. "Not yet, at least. But… Ugh, what a fucking bullshit, but Emmeline gets me. Unfortunately, she grew on me, like a fucking fungus." 

"Please invite me to the wedding, if it wasn't for me, you'd never have happened," he grins. "Does this mean the fights will finally stop?"

"We never fought," she defends herself.

"Oh, please, Emma," he snorts. "Yes, you did, like two stupid teenagers, though I think it was only sexual tension." 

"Shut up," Emma huffs. "Well, so now you know. Keep it to yourself, yeah? And don't make it weird." 

"I won't," he promises her. "I'm just happy you two are finally fucking."

"What a normal thing to say," she says ironically. "Now that I shared that with you, will you tell me who you've been fucking?" 

"I'm sorry, what?" 

"Come on, Regulus," she says easily. "I can see you put makeup on your neck, probably to hide a hickey and you have been daydreaming the entire week, I bet it's about dick."

Well, Regulus thinks he hasn't been really subtle, but it's hard to be subtle when the topic is James of all things. He bites his lower lip, thinking if he's okay with telling Emma or not. Whether they wanted to or not, they did become friends after the last time at the pub, and she just told him about her and Emmeline. Emma doesn't know his brother or his friends, she will also keep it to herself. 

"James."

"What?"  

"James, that's who," his cheeks heating up a bit. "Last week, he showed up at my door saying how much he wanted me and all that. Turns out I was wrong and you were partially right. We're together now, or almost there. I'm making him grovel a bit, but he's just so earnest about the whole thing I'm already swooning."

Emma looks quietly and attentively at him, and he's already preparing himself for the judgment. For the accusation of how fucking stupid he is and how he's easy to appease. 

"Did he apologize?" She asks instead, seriously. 

"Yeah," he nods. "Got on his knees and everything."

"Good," she nods back. "I hope it works out, I can see how much you like him."

"I don't," he refuses.

"Right," she smirks. 

"I'm sleeping at his tonight," he's not sure why he tells her that. 

"Have fun being fucked," she says in support, and though she's not talking excitedly, he can see that she's supporting him. "I know I will."

"Finally some fucking victory," he grins. 

"Cheers," she winks at him. "Now go read what I sent you, you wouldn't want to have work to be finished on the weekend, would you?"

"You're evil." 

Emma smiles, but it looks a little mean on her face. She turns around and goes back to her own cubicle, leaving Regulus to suffer on his own. 

He gets most of the job done, but when his shift ends he's already jumping to leave the building. James is very pontual, so his car it's already parked when Regulus leaves, and he can't help but want to smile about it. He's so fucking stupid. 

James is wearing a maroon shirt today with black suit, looking really fucking hot.

"Hi, love," he greets him. 

"Hey," he breathes out, throwing his backpack on the backseat and kissing James soon after, like muscle memory. 

"You look very pretty today."

"Thanks," he snorts, kissing his cheek. "You don't know what happened today."

"What?" He asks, starting the car. 

"Emma and Emmeline are fucking."

"What?" James sounds shocked.

"Exactly!" He agrees. "They kissed the night I got drunk and they decided they don't hate each other anymore, so, yeah, now they're fucking. I think they did it in Emmeline's office."

"Kinky," he laughs. "Does this mean they're going to stop fighting and making you feel like a child with their divorced parents?" 

"I can only hope," he sighs dramatically. "What if they start kissing in the middle of arguments. What if arguments are foreplay? What if HR fires them?" He gasps. 

"You poor thing," he coos. 

"She knows about us."

"Who?" He pauses, looking at Regulus a little surprised. 

"Emma," he confesses. "She asked me about it because she knew I was using makeup on my neck," he says this accusingly, to which James just smirks. He's a freak, half of Regulus' body is filled with purple marks from his mouth by this point and he's thanking god it's almost winter, because if they were in summer, Regulus would be fucked. "So I told her."

"What did she say?" 

"That she hopes I'm being properly fucked," he lies. 

"Oh, she has no idea," he chuckles almost too teasingly. "I would like to meet her, actually. Her and Emmeline, that's it. They both sound nice." 

"That depends on your point of view," he says amusedly. "They can be scary. But yeah, I'd like you to meet them someday." He wants his friends to meet him properly, wants them to like him and have everyone working in harmony. 

James smiles at him, resting a hand on his thigh that makes Regulus' entire body burn. It's almost witchcraft, how just a single touch from James can cause so many things in Regulus. He barely did something, and yet, Regulus already feels his body singing for more of him. He thinks his body didn't recognize other tunes before James came in and messed everything up. 

"How was work?" Regulus asks him, almost breathless. 

And James tells him all of it. Regulus listens to every word like they're his favorite hymn, letting James talk until they're arriving at his place. 

The prospect of spending the entire weekend alone with James does something to him. It's not only about the sex they're definitely going to have but also the intimacy of sharing a space together, having his own toothbrush in his house, cooking together, washing the dishes and doing nothing together. Regulus was always a sucker for intimacy, maybe because he always believed this sort of thing wasn't for people like him, who's just a fantasized version of something that's not even him, so he craves this type of thing even if he wishes he didn't care much about it.

"You can leave your things in my room," James tells him, turning the lights on. "I cleaned up a drawer for you in the closet."

"You did?" He asks, surprised.

"Of course."

Regulus feels the confirmation like a forest fire in his heart. 

He groans, pulling James closer by the lapels of his suit to kiss him stupidly. Regulus missed his mouth on his, the way James' lips open up so invitingly for him and how his hands hold his body. James squeezes his ass and Regulus pulls his hair slightly, humming against his mouth in contentment. 

"Thanks," he whispers against James' mouth.

"Go shower, love," James suggests, smiling softly at him in a way that makes his eyes sparkle. "I'm heating dinner for us." 

Regulus bites his lower lip, nodding in agreement. He goes to James' room, putting the clothes he brought in the drawer he cleaned up for Regulus and putting his bag full of skincare products in the bathroom. He showers, using James' body wash again because he kind of wants to smell like him, like one of James' belongings. He hopes James gets turned on by it.

The house it's warm enough with the heater on, so Regulus puts only an oversized long-sleeved shirt and panties under it. Regulus likes them, for a long time he avoided using them because a part of him thought it would be against his "masculinity" but now Regulus doesn't care much about it, he thinks panties are pretty, soft and sexy, plus, they're comfortable too, so he wears them without caring if they're too feminine or not. He knows he's a man, wearing fucking panties won't change that, and he knows for a fact James likes them on him. Regulus had seven years to learn how to be confident with his body and gender, so he'll own it because it's his. 

When he goes downstairs, the kitchen smells amazing. 

"What are you doing?" Regulus asks him. 

James turns his head to look at him, his eyes taking a few seconds to stare at Regulus' naked legs. He really has a thing for his legs. 

"Chicken," he replies. 

Regulus hums, hopping on the countertop to watch James cook like his private entertaining show. 

"You're too far," he complains.

"How do you plan on cooking if I'm glued to you?" He asks, feeling a little amused. 

"I'll figure something out."

Regulus snorts, but doesn't move. James apparently finds this absurd, letting the pans on the stove to go bother Regulus on the countertop, stopping between his legs to run his nose on Regulus' neck. 

"You smell like me," he comments hotly against his skin. 

"I used your body wash," he confesses, a little breathless already. 

"I like it," he confesses, kissing his pulse point that's accelerated from the proximity of him. James' hands hold his thighs with the ghost of a grip, and he descends his kisses to Regulus' shoulder, where his shirt slipped down. Regulus pants softly, feeling his heart quickening a bit and the heat tingling in his stomach. James' licks his collarbone, like Regulus is his favorite meal and he can taste himself on him. 

"You're going to burn our dinner," he breathes out. 

"Worthy it," he mutters, fingers digging at Regulus' thighs. 

"You need to learn how to keep your hands to yourself," he reprimands him, but it's weak and too needy to be honest. James knows Regulus wants his hands on him all the time, no matter when. 

"Can't do, baby," he hums. "Have you ever seen yourself? It's impossible to control myself, especially when you get down like this."

"Like what?" He asks in a whisper, gasping hushedly when James sucks on his neck. 

"With your legs out, showing all of my marks on your skin," he tells him. "With shirt reaching your thighs, and slipping down your shoulder. Such a fucking tease, Regulus."

"Maybe you're just easy to rile up," he breathes out.

"Or maybe you're cocktease," he rolls Regulus' shirt up his thighs a bit. "Maybe you just want me to bend you and fuck you here," his thumb brushes against Regulus' pussy.  

And Regulus wants it. He really does. He's so fucking needy and pathetic for this man he'd open his legs for him in a heartbeat, but Regulus also knows they can be a little more civilized than that, and he really doesn't want to have a burned dinner. 

"You'll fuck my cunt once I'm fed," he tells him, pushing James' hair until his head it's tilted and he's staring at Regulus. "I'm hungry, James. Don't burn my dinner."

"You're a bossy thing, did you know that?" He smirks at him, pupils widening. 

"Maybe I'll put you on a leash," he tells him. "So I can pull it every time you misbehave." 

James' eyes cloud with hot lust, and Regulus finds himself smiling. James is such a fucking freak, all tall and imposing, cocky and demanding, but deep down he just wants to be a little bit controlled. 

Regulus wonders if James ever let go of his control even for a few minutes, and he wants him to let go of the reins and place them on Regulus' hands. 

"Maybe you would like that," he mutters.

"Now you're just being mean," he says in a husky murmur. 

"I want to eat."

"Trust me, I want to eat too."

"I think we're talking about different meals," he grins, entertained. Regulus pushes James lightly away from him in the stove direction. "Now feed me."

James sighs a little dramatically, but he goes back to cooking. Regulus decides to make some orange juice, so they work in harmony in order to have a decent dinner. He knows they could just have ordered something, but Regulus kind of likes the soothing and domestic feeling of making dinner together. Of having James telling him about the last movie he saw or about how excited Harry was to go to Ireland with Lily and Dorcas. Telling James a funny story Barty shared on their group chat and laying the table to have dinner, even if it's just the two of them and they could've eaten on the couch or at the countertop. 

They eat while talking, and Regulus sometimes feels he'll never have enough time to tell James everything he wants to. He has so many thoughts, so many opinions about the smallest things and so many memories he wants to share with him, that he thinks time will never be enough for the both of them. 

When they finish, Regulus tells James to go shower while he cleans up, and he washes the dishes with contentment burning warmly in his chest. 

This, he thinks, could turn into a perfect little haven. 

After he's done with the dishes, he turns the lights from the first floor off, climbing to the second floor and going to James' room, the last door in the hallway. 

The lights are half turned on, but is not very bright in the room. Regulus can see everything, but like this, it creates almost an intimate mood for the bedroom. 

Regulus knows it's probably stupid, but he feels a rush of excitement and anxiety in the pit of his stomach. 

He stops at the doorstep, watching in silence James moving while arranging the bed. His hair is wet and he looks almost too sinful without his shirt while wearing only pajama trousers that sit too low on his hips. James looks attractive, of course, he probably would be even dressed in a plastic bag, but he also looks soft and relaxed. At ease with having Regulus around, which is good, it softens something in Regulus too.

James eventually realizes Regulus staring and he smiles at him. "You brought ten skincare products."

"Were you snooping through my things?" He raises an eyebrow. 

"What do you think?" He grins. 

"Stalker," he snorts. "And yes, I did. It takes a lot of care to have my perfect skin, you know."

"Really? I thought you were just born perfect like that," he teases him, making Regulus roll his eyes. "Come here, will you?" 

Regulus leaves his spot, walking slowly to James knowing he wouldn't want to walk anywhere else. When he stops close enough to him, James' hands rest on his waist, big palms covering a good part of it. 

"Do you know what's going to happen now, love?" He asks him, nose nuzzling his jaw gently. 

"What?" He asks back, hand resting on James' bicep. 

"We're going to fuck," he tells him plain clear. Regulus shivers with the promise, with how committed to the idea James is. "Until we're too exhausted to keep going. Do you know why?"

"Why?" He indulges him, his voice already shaking a bit from anxiousness. 

"Because I want to explore every inch of you," he replies. "I want to know everything you like, how to break you apart and put you back together. I want to imprint my hands and lips all over your body until every part of you knows it belongs to me." 

"Yeah?" His breath hitches, body already burning even if nothing actually happened. They're just talking, but James' talking it's enough to make Regulus crumble. 

"Yeah," he bites his jaw lightly, teasing him. 

"Then do it," he whispers. "Make me yours, James," Regulus grabs his face between his hands. "Kiss me."

It's an order, one James obeys, and then they're kissing. Hungrily, voraciously, like the world ends and begins at their lips. Kissing James it's almost like doing everything with him, it's hot, dazzling and life-changing. It's knowing you're at the center of his attention and still wanting more, needing more. It makes a mess out of Regulus and leaves him shaking from head to toe. 

With one hand holding his thigh up and the other going to his ass, James lifts him up, taking Regulus' feet off the floor and circling his legs around his waist. James takes his glasses off almost too aggressively, throwing them somewhere on the enormous mattress of his bed and deepening the kiss like he's finally letting the beast loose. 

A whimper escapes the back of Regulus' throat and his breath quickens, his hands getting tangled in James' hair and his thighs flexing against James' waist. His scent is everywhere, eucalyptus and something woody, a very addictive combination. 

James guides him to the bed, lowering Regulus on the mattress and hovering on top of him. His shirt rode up with the movement, showing Regulus' panties, and James clearly notices, his pupils getting bigger and his chest heaving. 

"Look at that," he mutters with a raspy tone, something so good it's like scratches on Regulus' body. "All dolled up for me, huh?" 

"Your favorite color," Regulus smiles at him. Lace red. For James' eyes only.

"Fuck, Regulus," he laughs a little breathless. "You're going to be the death of me." 

His hands hold his hips almost possessively, his palms burning his body. James kneels one knee on the mattress, right between Regulus' parted legs, finding its place there. 

"Please don't die," he teases him. "Not until you're done with me."

"You have no idea the things you wish for," he chuckles, almost too mean, which makes Regulus goosebumps with the silent promise in between his words,— That he'll absolutely destroy Regulus tonight. He can't wait for it. 

Before Regulus can reply, James' mouth it's on his neck, sucking and biting lightly so it doesn't bruise badly. His knee presses against Regulus' cunt and he gasps a bit with the contact, rolling his hips to seek more friction the same time he indulges James' mouth on his skin to keep going. Regulus holds James' bicep tightly, his spine tingling with the promise of chasing his pleasure and his heart beating heavily in his ear, his throat, his entire body. Like Regulus is a melody made to be played only by James. 

"Yeah, baby," James whispers in his ear. "Keep riding my thigh like the desperate thing that you are. Make yourself really wet for me," he bites his earlobe, making Regulus whine softly. James laughs huskily at this, like Regulus' desperation amuses him immensely.

Regulus quickens his movements, opening his legs wider so James' thigh can press further into him, brushing deliciously against Regulus' clit. Once the first shock of pleasure rushes through Regulus' body, he chases more of it like a junkie, his panties getting wet the more he grinds against his thigh, a wet spot marking James' trousers the more he keeps going. James' lips don't leave his neck, kissing and sucking every available place James can get while he keeps Regulus pinned on the mattress by his hips, only letting him move to ride his thigh. 

He moans between heavy pants, the tensions building in his body. James presses his thigh deeper, capturing Regulus' moan in an open-mouthed kiss, tongue slipping inside of his to give him a very dirty and hot kiss. James indulges his movements, hands guiding Regulus' hips against his thigh, letting Regulus chase his sweet bliss while he devours him and his sounds. 

Regulus' respiration gets louder and quicker, he can feel how fucking wet he is and the lace of his panties is glued to his pussy. It's good, so fucking good, and Regulus can't stop his hips from rolling, can't stop riding James' thick thigh, needing to get his fix. 

He lets out a pitched moan, his entire body jerking slightly the more his pleasure builds, and with a shudder, Regulus' comes, his clit pulsing and his body beating at the rhythm of his heartbeats. 

He pants against James' mouth, trying to control his breathing with chest heaving. Everything throbs in the most delicious way, and Regulus wants more of it. 

"Good boy," James purrs against his mouth. 

He releases his thigh from between Regulus' legs, the splotch of Regulus' desire staining the fabric. James stands at the edge of the bed, and Regulus can see his hard cock tenting the fabric. He knows James is not wearing anything under his trousers, the small wet spot on the fabric proving Regulus' point and making him salivate with the idea of putting it in his mouth. 

"Take it off," Regulus tells him. 

James looks at him amusedly. "Want to give orders now, love?" 

"Yes," he agrees, supporting himself with his elbows on the mattress. "So take it off and get in bed, Potter."

James does it, standing all tall and naked in front of Regulus, but he's still too far and Regulus hates it. Regulus kneels on the bed with body trembling a bit in desire and eagerness, taking his shirt off and throwing it on the floor. He reaches to take his soaked panties off, but James shakes his head.

"Keep them on."

Regulus takes his hands off the waistband immediately, feeling himself flush entirely. 

"Like what you see?"

"You have no idea," he replies. "If I could, I would take a fucking picture and hang it on my wall."

"You could," he teases him. "Take a picture, I mean. Did you see from the back?" He blinks at him, all innocent with big siren eyes. Alluring.

"Can't say I have," he mutters, eyes so heavy and hot it leaves an invisible burn all over Regulus. 

Regulus has been desired by many people, yet, none of them ever looked at him like James is right now. With worship written all across his eyes and burning desire in every inch of his body. It's really powerful to be at the end of James' desire. 

Slowly, putting up a show, Regulus turns around on his hands and knees, arching his back until his ass is on the air, showing James his little present. Regulus knows his ass looks amazing in the panties, full and round, red against his pale skin, a very sensual and inviting thing. Like a wrapped gift. 

"Puta que pariu," James mutters behind him. 

Regulus looks behind his shoulder, and his body tenses when he sees the look on James' face. Because James… He looks utterly fucked and hypnotized. His eyes fixed on Regulus' ass like he wants to sink his face into it and die choked by it. 

He needs to fuck Regulus and put him out of his misery. 

"Do you like it?" He asks him, poking at the beast. "It looks good, doesn't it? I knew you would enjoy it," he grins. "Don't I deserve a reward for being so thoughtful?" 

This snaps James out of the weird spell he was put under, and his big hands squeeze the globes of Regulus' ass, fingers digging at the meat. He slaps his hand in a quick motion, making Regulus jerk a bit in surprise, but enjoy it nonetheless. He wouldn't say he likes pain, but Regulus would need to be insane to not enjoy some ass slapping. 

"You deserve a really good reward, love, that's for sure," James says. "You're so fucking hot," he groans, slapping his ass again. "Blinking these pretty eyes at me, looking like an angel when you're anything but. You're fucking temptation."

You're like a poison, James had told him. Regulus likes the idea of it, and for James, he will be the sweetest poison ever. 

"Can I have anything I want?" He asks him, eyes shining in want. 

"Tell me and it's yours," James promises him. 

"I want to touch you," he says. "Lay down, I want to taste every inch of you."

It's not what James was expecting, clearly. His eyes widen a bit in surprise, but he's not really against the idea, Regulus can tell. And though Regulus wants to be fucked by James badly, he also wants to have more of James. James is laid back about his own desire, he gets off on Regulus' pleasure, so Regulus wants to explore James' pleasure before his own. 

James relents, letting go of Regulus' ass to get into bed, laying on the middle of the mattress all naked and imposing. Taking Regulus' breath away. 

Regulus makes space for himself between James' legs, sitting on his heels in nothing but panties. 

James is watching him with lust written all over his face, like he wants to flip Regulus on the bed, slide his cock inside of him and fuck him into the mattress. It causes a wave of want in Regulus. 

He starts running his palms on James' strong legs, how fat and thick his thighs are, but muscled all around. Supporting his body on his knees, Regulus makes sure to arch his back before he's biting James' thigh, ignoring his aching cock resting on his stomach. He bites hard, loving the breathy noise James lets out, he tongues the sting, moaning when James grips his hair tightly. 

"Do that again."

Regulus does on the other one, teeth sinking into the firm flesh of his thigh and leaving a red mark on it that will turn purple tomorrow. 

"I've been wanting to do that for a while," Regulus confesses, looking at James under his eyelashes and devouring the sight of him. "I hoped you would choke me between your thighs."

"Yeah, baby?"

"Yeah," he nods slowly, wetting his lower lip. "You're so fucking hot, James. I couldn't stop touching myself thinking about you," he keeps going, rubbing his cheek on his thigh, his hands resting on James' knees and trembling a bit. "About every inch of your body I wanted to touch. Imagining how you would take me. Aching for it."

He watches with heavy attention James' cock twitching with his words, a bead of precum running down its head, and like he's under a spell, Regulus chases the drop with his tongue, making James' grip tighten even more, so hard it stings Regulus' eyes with tears. 

"My baby can't go on any longer without touching himself, isn't that right?" James asks him. Regulus shakes his head in denial, his face close to James' hard cock. It'll ruin his throat, Regulus knows it, but he still wants it all in his mouth. "So fucking perverted, huh?" 

"It's your fault," he gulps, caressing his hands up until they're on James' stomach, scratching his abdomen lightly. "You drove me mad."

"Show me how much," he asks him, voice low and silky. "Show me how mad I make you, Regulus. Make it count." 

Regulus' breath hitches, and he goes back to sitting on his heels, with a newfound confidence, Regulus lowers his lips to James' nipples, licking at the bud and sucking it. He delights himself with the broken gasp James lets out, biting on his big tit and making a mess of teeth and saliva on it. His cunt brushes against James' cock, only a thin fabric of lace separating them, and Regulus grinds against his length, making James squeeze his ass in response. 

"Keep your hands to yourself, James," he tells him, almost teasingly. 

"You'll have to tie them, I'm afraid," he smiles a little drunkenly at him.

He snorts, sitting on James' stomach and pressing the pad of two fingers on James' lower lip. He opens his mouth gently, letting James lick the tip of his fingers. 

"Open up for me, darling." 

James lets a sound close to a whine, but he obeys, opening his mouth and putting his tongue out. Regulus hums, slipping his fingers inside James' hot, wet mouth. 

"Suck it."

He licks his fingers, twirling his tongue between them and sucking it, closing his mouth against his fingers and causing a turmoil inside of Regulus. He feels his cunt pulsing, throbbing in desire, soaking his panties even more. While James keeps sucking on his fingers, Regulus grinds again on his cock, feeling his length between his covered cunt teasing his swollen clit. 

James moans against his fingers, the vibration of his voice humming softly on his body. 

"Make it really wet," he tells him, rubbing one of James' nipples with his finger. "All sloppy." 

James' lips are getting coated with spit, but he doesn't stop, keeps sucking on them with foggy and drunk eyes fixed on Regulus. Regulus' body on top of his, his graceful fingers playing with his nipples and squeezing his tits, rolling his hips against his cock with red fabric rubbing on his hard length. 

When Regulus is happy enough, he stops, feeling his body thumping alongside his heart. He gets off of James' stomach, releasing his fingers with a wet pop, going back to sit between James' legs. 

He lowers his eyes to James' cock, the tip slick with precum and vein thick. His mouth waters with the sight. Regulus lowers his upper body and licks James' hole up to his perineum, the sac of his balls and the underside of his cock, lapping his tongue on the slit of James' cock. James moans gruffly with the little teasing, and Regulus smirks, holding the base of his cock with his hand and squeezing. 

Regulus opens his mouth, sucking at the head and stroking his cock with his mouth, until he's lowering his head to accommodate James' length inside of his mouth. He can feel James' dick twitching a bit and he breathes through his nose, loosening his throat. He twirls his tongue on his cock, bobbing his head and sucking all of it, his length deep into his throat. James is breathing heavily, almost like he's having difficulty breathing properly, and his entire body spasms when Regulus starts sucking him for real, his throat clenching around his length and lips stretched all over him. The sounds James makes are husky and low, raspy and delicious, standing all the hairs on Regulus' body. 

He's too big, but Regulus doesn't care, sucking so enthusiastically he chokes a bit. James likes that, because he moans loudly, rolling his hips on impulse and making Regulus gag again, his eyes filling with tears. 

"Shit, sorry," James breathes out. "It just felt so good."

Regulus hums, bobbing his head again and going to play with James' balls, until he can feel James' legs trembling under his hand. And Regulus thinks he can get high on this power, the one of having James' control on his hands, of turning him into a moaning, trembling mess. 

James is powerful, he's this big, bright and demanding thing walking on earth. But here, with Regulus' mouth all over his cock, he's falling apart for Regulus. 

"Porra. Caralho," James moans. "Fuck, Reg. It's so good. You're so— God, keep going." 

Noticing he's close, Regulus presses a single finger on James' hole, feeling him shudder with the silent request. James lets him in, and Regulus sinks his finger deep inside of James' hole, slipping in and out with the saliva of James' mouth. It's a little bit dry, but Regulus goes slowly, letting James open up to him. When he gets used to one finger, Regulus adds one more, and though it's a bit tricky to suck on his cock while he's fingering him, Regulus makes it work. 

It's easy to know when Regulus finds James' prostate, because he lets out a broken, loud, pathetic yet deep masculine, whimper. Regulus feels his entire body burning with the power thrill this gives him, and in a matter of seconds, James is trembling and jerking, his orgasm building up quickly and strongly. 

"Regulus. Love," he pants. "I'm going to come."

Regulus gags on his cock again, finger relentlessly touching James' prostate, until he's shaking and coming all over Regulus' mouth. He feels the taste of hot cum all over his mouth, swallowing everything he can even if some spill out of his mouth. James' body spasms and his hole clenches around Regulus' fingers, but he only stops sucking and fingering him when James has nothing else to give. 

When he's spent and panting, Regulus finally lets go, sitting on his calves again and taking a deep breath. He can feel spit and cum on his face, and he tries to imagine what he looks like for James now. With wet eyelashes, some stained tears on his cheeks, dirty face and swollen red lips. 

"Okay?" He asks James, his voice hoarse and gruff, caressing his thighs gently. 

"You're too good at that," James heaves, his face red and his hair a little wet from sweat. Regulus smirks at that. 

"Thanks," he laughs, throwing himself on top of James so they can catch their breaths. 

James is not thinking the same thing, because as soon as Regulus is laying all of his body on top of him, James' hands go to Regulus' ass and he starts playing with the waistband of his panties, kissing Regulus softly all over his face. Licking his lips to clean him up from the mess James made of him, massaging Regulus' ass cheeks and being all soft and relaxed after his orgasm. 

Regulus squirms a bit, fully aware that he's probably dripping wet and his panties are ruined from how drenched he is. All of his body is throbbing in desire, but Regulus is fine with just kissing James lazily. 

"You're soaked," James says against his lips, a single finger traveling down his perineum to feel the wetness of his panties. 

"Mhm," he mumbles, going back to kiss James. "It's alright."

"Let me eat you out."

"You don't need to—"

"I want to," he cuts him off. Regulus wonders if he can get James addicted to his cunt, because he does look like an addict. "Please?" 

Regulus smiles a little bit amused at James' antics, he's so polite when he's asking to eat Regulus out. 

"Fine." 

"Sit on my face," he says decisively. 

Regulus blinks, opening his mouth and then closing. His entire body flushes and he thinks his cheeks are red. 

"What?" He breathes out. 

"Sit. On. My. Face."

"I—" he blinks again. "You need to breathe, you know."

"I will be fine," he replies, amusedly. "Go on, love," he slaps his ass weakly. "Sit on my face and let me eat your pussy."

Maybe this says a lot about the type of guys Regulus was having sex with, because none of them ever told Regulus that. He can easily suffocate James by sitting on his fucking face, but the idiot would probably be thrilled by dying like this. 

Regulus supports himself with his hands, getting off of James' body to go up to his head. He hesitates a bit before straddling James' face with his knees, not lowering himself completely and kneeling over his face. 

"I should take the panties off," he realizes, "One second, let me just—" 

He chokes his words back when the sound of a fabric tearing up echoes, and Regulus looks down with cheeks red when he sees his ripped panties being tossed to the mattress.

"That was La Perla, you know," he comments weakly, his body burning up with how fucking hot James is. He looks down to see James' face, but he looks unapologetic, almost too proud of himself. 

"I'm buying you new ones," he promises him. "Now get going."

"You know, there's probably something wrong with you," he comments. "You're addicted to pussy."

"Your pussy," he corrects. "Actually, just you, you look fucking fantastic down here, love," he smiles, tapping Regulus' thigh. "Sit." 

With legs already trembling, Regulus lowers himself on James' mouth, holding his weight with his thighs so he doesn't kill James suffocated. James doesn't have the same fears, it seems, because he puts one hand on the back of Regulus' left thigh and squeezes his ass with the other, sinking Regulus lower until he can feel his tongue on his cunt. 

Regulus whimpers brokenly with the first contact, holding up on the headboard and feeling his body shivering, pulsating in need. James eats him out eagerly, like a starved man on a mission. This position is quite different, Regulus is in control, he can grind, make James go deeper and go after what he wants, it's not James controlling how things are going this time.  

James sucks on his clit, then goes back to flicking his tongue on the bud in perfect rhythm until Regulus is desperate enough to grind against his face, and fuck, James' nose. James' perfect, big, pointed nose. It's not really planned the first time his clit rubs against it, but by the third time, Regulus can admit he's searching for a pattern. James lets him do what he wants, teasing his entrance with his tongue until he's entering Regulus' cunt, fucking him with his tongue. 

Regulus' breathing becomes hectic, and he can feel the wave of pleasure building up, his fingers white with how hard he's holding the headboard, his thighs burn a little and he thinks his ass will have James' fingers printed on it with how hard he's grabbing his flesh. 

"Yeah, keep going, just like that" he pants out, voice hitching. "You eat me so good. Oh, fuck." 

Regulus feels his body spasming, and with his spine stiffening and his legs shaking, Regulus lets out a loud whine, coming all over James' face. 

He breathes heavily, letting his weight down and sitting on James' chest. His face is very red, and by the deep breaths he's taking, Regulus feels almost bad for cutting his oxygen like that. 

"Are you alright?" He asks with a laugh somewhere.

"Never been better," he promises him, smiling breathlessly. "Fuck, you taste so good."

"I taste like any other pussy, James," he deadpans. 

"Nah," he smiles dazzlingly at him. "Yours is special."

He snorts, not believing they're laughing after James just ate his pussy and made Regulus see stars. Regulus grabs his ripped panties, looking unamused at James, who just shrugs in response. 

"This was really expensive," he comments. It was a present, actually, but Regulus doesn't tell James that. 

"Yeah? I'm buying you ten more of these," he says easily. "Actually, I'm buying all the panties available in the store. I have the money, Regulus. You point out what you want, and I'm giving you." 

"You have issues," he tells him. 

"Spend all my money, I don't care," he winks at him. "Just keep wearing pretty things for me."

"So you can rip them out of my body?" He arches an eyebrow. 

"Exactly," he smirks, grabbing Regulus by the thighs and pulling him down. He falls on top of James, hands at each side of his head and legs bent around his waist. James stops his hand on Regulus' waist, the other one brushing his spine tenderly. 

"Condom?" Regulus asks him, voice low and full of intention. 

The room feels hotter than before, James' eyes wide and heavy, looking at Regulus like he's an angel he'll let ruin his life. Without a reply, James slips his hand under the pillow, giving him the condom. 

Regulus kisses him, slow and sensual, he wants this to last, wants to map all of James' micro-expressions and catalog every noise that gets out of his mouth. He wants to create an entire language with him, one only the two of them can understand. 

Their tongues melt together, James' hands on him feel like silk, causing goosebumps all over his skin. Regulus breaks their kiss, a thread of spit connecting their mouths and lips swollen. Regulus sits on James' thighs, confirming that James is hard again. He rolls the condom on his length, giving it a few pumps before he gets on his knees and starts lowering himself on James' dick. 

He feels the head entering himself, stretching Regulus' cunt and slipping inside easily with how much lubrication it's coating his hole. Regulus feels himself full, so fucking full it makes him a little faint. He keeps lowering himself until all of James is inside of himself, hot and big, being felt everywhere by Regulus. 

Regulus looks at James, and oh, his irises are entirely consumed by his pupils, like James' eyes are two dark voids ready to devour Regulus. He's staring intently at Regulus' stomach, at his cock inside of Regulus. 

He takes one of James' hands and puts it on top of his stomach, "I can feel you everywhere," he whispers to him, his voice heavy with lust. 

Regulus clenches around James' cock, and his breath hitches. "You feel so fucking good, love." 

"Yeah?" He asks him, slowly rolling his hips, getting himself up a bit and then down, starting to fuck himself on James' cock. 

"All tight and hot around me," he breathes out, holding Regulus' waist with his other hand. "So inviting." 

Regulus supports one of his hands on James' chest, thrusting himself up and down on his cock, not speeding his lazy pace, despite his throbbing cunt. 

"You stretch me up so good," he pants. "I'll feel you for days."

James thrust his hips upwards, sinking Regulus down on him. He moans, and James does it again, and again, and again. Regulus tightens his thighs around James' waist, rolls his hips to make James touch him in all the right spots. 

"Atta boy," he praises him. "You take me so well, love. It's like you were made for me to fuck." 

"James," he moans, fastening their pace bit by bit. Their skins clash softly, but the squelching sounds of Regulus' pussy are almost too loud. 

"And I'll fuck you," he promises him. "Until you're boneless and exhausted." 

"Fuck," he chokes out, meeting James thrust by thrust until they're properly fucking. Fast and rough. So desperate it sets Regulus on fire. He sinks down, James thrusts up, and when they meet at a perfect spot inside of Regulus, he shudders with how perfect it feels. 

"I knew you'd like this," James hums, gripping Regulus' waist tightly. "A good whore like you would love to be fucked," he pants out, grunting when Regulus clenches around him as an answer. "Will you cum all over my cock, baby?" 

"I— yeah," he nods helplessly. "I will."

"Milk all of my cock, mhm?" He asks, slapping Regulus' ass as encouragement. 

"Yes," he moans. "Please, James."

"Please what, love?" He sinks Regulus roughly down at his cock, like he's impaling Regulus on it. 

"I want to cum," he cries out. 

"Of course, baby," he says, looking down at his cock disappearing inside of Regulus, all wet from his dripping pussy. "Slut like you couldn't even think about something else," he laughs. "Come on, beautiful, ride me until you're coming all over me. Making a real good mess." 

Regulus goes up and down, bobbing his body on James' cock like he's having the ride of his life, and maybe he is. He's close, he can feel it. His body is tingling, hot, the sweat dripping down his spine and sticking his curls to his forehead. His lower stomach curling and his fingers sinking into the flesh of James' tits. Regulus' legs shake, and his movements get frenetic,  sloppy, James is watching him like Regulus is his particular show, some erotic fantasy made only for himself. 

"Come on, baby," he tells him. "Be a good boy and come all over my dick." 

James manages to slip a finger between them, stimulating Regulus' clit until he's shaking from head to toe and coming helplessly. James holds him up, thrusting from under Regulus while he rides his orgasm and sees little black spots on his vision with the force of it. His cunt gets sensitive, but James keeps fucking him restlessly, arms twitching while he holds Regulus in place. 

"Fuck, baby," he pants. "You made a fucking mess." 

Regulus whines, his pussy tender and body heavy. 

"Tão gostoso," he mutters under his breath, eyes glued to Regulus' body. "Gostoso pra caralho."

"James," he cries out. "Please, I can't take it anymore."

"Are you sensitive, baby?" He asks him. 

"Yes," he breathes out. Regulus wants James to cum, but this position goes too deep, demands too much of Regulus' limp body. 

James gets out of Regulus' pussy, his cock all covered with his orgasm,  Regulus' thighs are wet with it as well. He changes their position, laying Regulus gently on the mattress and holding his legs up his stomach, bending them.

"Can you take more?" He asks him, gently and soothingly.

"I want you to come while you're inside of me," he tells him. 

"Such a good boy," he rubs his tip on Regulus' cunt, making him squirm a bit with the tender feeling. "I'm going slow baby, I promise."

Regulus nods, holding his legs apart so James can fuck him. Slowly and torturing, he enters all of his length inside of Regulus, and he breathes through his nose, full and sensitive. 

James starts thrusting inside of him, and despite his overused cunt, Regulus ends up moaning at each thrust, hearing the wet noises of his pussy as James fucks him relentlessly. 

He keeps muttering praises to Regulus. Calling him pretty, telling him he's taking him so well, saying he's being so good, so perfect for him. 

Regulus becomes a mess of whimpers and hitched breaths, loving how his body is covered in James, aching because of him but relaxed altogether. He likes way too much how James fits inside of him, how his voice sounds when whispered between grunts, how his muscles flex and how he engulfs Regulus. 

He wouldn't mind being under him monday to sunday. 

"I'm going to come," he says in his ear. "Inside of this sloppy pussy of yours."

"Please," he moans, not even sure what he's asking for. "Ah, so good."

"Yeah," James bites his earlobe. "Really fucking good, Regulus."

James' thrusts get shallower, uncoordinated, his ass tenses and then he's fucking Regulus' restless while he comes, and Regulus kind of loves how James looks like when he's coming,— Locked jaw, furrowed eyebrow and scrunched nose. So damn beautiful. 

When he finishes, he gets out of Regulus slowly, panting and tired, laying by his side and bringing him close, their hot bodies melting together. 

James says nothing, but kisses his face all over, caressing his waist so gently it warms something inside of Regulus. 

"You okay?" He asks him gently. 

"I'm so sore," he breathes out. 

"Fuck, baby, I'm sorry," he kisses his forehead. 

"'S okay," he mutters. "I like it." It's a reminder it's real, that it did happen. 

James wraps himself all over Regulus, resting his head on Regulus' stomach and kissing the skin there. Regulus lets his fingers run through James' messy hair, loving how soft the strands are. 

It's peaceful and quiet, and Regulus doesn't think he ever had something precious like this. The privilege of bearing himself open with his softness, not while having sex but after. Sex was always something so seek thrilling and shallow to him, when it was happening, Regulus felt good, he felt powerful and entertaining, a shiny thing people wanted desperately, but when it was over, they wouldn't really look at each other with gentle gazes, they wouldn't hold each other and be silent as if by doing so, they had the most fun they could think of it. 

With James, Regulus wants to be opened up and dug out by his fingers. He thinks James would be so gentle while praying him open, so tender it would almost feel like love. And to think that requires some huge sense of belonging and trust. 

James kisses his stomach again, fingers brushing against his skin softly, tracing his top surgery scars with feathery fingers. 

"Did it hurt?" He asks him quietly, his voice light and easy. 

"Not much," he replies, playing with his hair. "It did in the sense that my body was cut open and stitched back, but it wasn't that bad. I had people taking care of me and helping me out," he tells him. "It was actually quite nice, Barty brought me a cake that said: congratulations for cutting your tits out." 

James laughs at that, the vibration of his voice humming against his belly. It makes Regulus smile a bit, because when James is being happy you just want to be happy with him. Know what's the happiness about. 

"How old were you?" 

"Eighteen," he replies. "I think it was the first time I didn't really hate my body. The first time I was actually confident in my own skin."

"What about now?" He asks curiously. 

"I'm fine with my body now," he says. "Took me a long time, but I'm comfortable with it." 

"I'm glad," he mutters softly. "I think god made you for me."

Regulus can't help himself, so he starts laughing, until he's fully giggling and his stomach hurts. James lifts his head up, a smile playing on his lips while his eyes shine with warmth.

"What?" He asks him.

"My pussy is so good it turned you religious," he breathes out, grinning. 

"I think it did," he nods, pretending to be very serious. "I do think I saw God while you were sitting on my face, you know."

"That's because you were probably laking on oxygen," he chuckles. 

Regulus tries not to think about the fact that his mother used to say God made him for her, but in the version where Regulus couldn't even be Regulus. And now, James is telling him the same thing but meaning Regulus.  

"Yeah, so that's when the epiphany happened, and I thought, God thank you so much." 

"You're so stupid," he laughs again. 

"Only for you," he promises him, kissing his scars like something sacred. It breaks something inside of Regulus, causing a terrible pang of fondness and warmth all over his body. 

He wants to open his rib cage and keep James there forever, and the thought it's so strong it scares Regulus, of how fast his feelings are growing for this man. 

"Why an ouroboros?" He asks him, tracing the tattoo on his sternum. 

"I think there's something fitting about it," he tells him like it's a secret. "It never ends, the end is always the same, because the end is the beginning. The serpent eats itself, but never ceases to exist," he explains. "I think I understood the feeling of it. The only one who can destroy yourself it's you, but even so, it never really ends. I don't know, I kind of liked the meaning of it."

"It's beautiful," he says, tracing the black ink. The serpent coiled around the blade, eating itself. 

"Barty did it." 

"He did the others too?" He asks, a tilt in his voice. 

"Yeah," he confirms. "The one close to my hip was a stupid challenge and I was high. The one in my ass it's a matching one, Barty has the same one on his."

"Should I be jealous that he did a tattoo on your ass and on your pussy?" He asks, definitely with a tilt in his voice. 

"I think you'll be jealous despite what I tell you," he teases him. "But no, you shouldn't. Barty is crazy about Evan, literally. You'll know the second you see them, there's nothing to worry about." He should tell James about the fact they used to fuck, but he doesn't want to ruin a good moment with the things he did in the past, plus, Barty is his best friend as much as Evan, they'll always be around no matter what happened in the past. "What about you? You have a tiny tattoo on the inside of your biceps." 

It's so small Regulus didn't even see on the first time they fucked, he only realized he has a tattoo there recently, it's just a small lettering that says 22:16. 

"The time Harry was born," he tells him. "Lily has one too." 

"Cute," he smiles softly. 

"Yeah," he agrees. "I should probably call him to say good night," he yawns a bit. 

Regulus extends his arm to grab James' phone on the nightstand, offering it to him. It's not really that late, but Regulus feels pretty tired after their heavy exercise session. 

"Thanks, love," he kisses his chest. Regulus hums in response, scratching James' scalp lightly while he calls Lily's number to talk to Harry. "Hey, Lil, how's the trip?" He pauses for a few seconds, and Regulus can hear Lily talking over the phone. "Really? That's nice, I had a feeling she would like that. Yeah? Well, at least you tried," he says lightly. "Actually, yeah, is he awake?" Another pause. "Hi, Haz. Tô morrendo de saudade." 

Regulus can't see James' face from this angle, but he bets he's smiling. Just the mention of Harry is capable of melting James completely, he loves his kid so much it oozes out of him. 

"Really?" He asks, amused. "Yeah, we can try that next time. Are you tired?" He brushes his thumb against Regulus' hip almost absently. "You better sleep early, then, so tomorrow you can explore everything with your mum." Harry yaps for about ten minutes, and James simply lets him, humming and laughing in response, he seems happy to just listen to his voice. "You should listen to Dorcas, Haz," he tells him. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" He waits for a reply. "Of course, always, buddy. Sleep well, okay? Te amo." 

He ends up the call, sighing a bit. 

"Everything's good?" He asks him.

"Yeah," he nods. "Just miss him a lot." 

He doesn't comment that Harry just left, because James seems genuine and Regulus knows what it's like to miss someone even if they're away for a couple of hours.

"He'll be back in a blink," he reassures him. "I love that you're a good dad." James laughs about that, for some reason. "What?"

"Dorcas said that you probably get turned on about me being a good dad," he explains to him. "Because you have massive daddy issues."

Regulus grunts, hitting James lightly on the shoulder. "Is this the kind of view she has of me?"

"Was she right?" He asks. 

"Shut up, James."

"Oh my god," he laughs. "She was!"

"She wasn't!" He tries to defend himself. "I just think that's hot that you're probably reliable and wouldn't put your kid aside for anything in the world. It's a good trait." 

"I am very reliable," he promises him. "But you also totally have the hots for me being a good dad."

"Please, die." 

He laughs again, happy and carefree, and though he's embarrassed, he ends up laughing a bit too. 

Their laughs turn into little chuckles and they fall into silence again, but it's comfortable, almost too easy. Regulus feels his eyelids heavy, sleep creeping up on him even though he needs to take another shower. 

"What does it mean?" He asks. "What you said to Harry?"

"Tô morrendo de saudade?" He asks. 

"Yeah, that."

"Saudade it's one of those words that have no equivalent word in english," he explains to him. "But the word itself basically means that you're missing something, or someone, and this feeling of missing this one thing it's saudade. When you say you're morrendo de saudades, it means that you miss something so much you're dying from it. It's very common for people to say that in Brazil when they're missing someone, so we always say we're morrendo de saudades." 

"Saudade," he repeats. "It's a nice word."  

"It is," he agrees. 

"What about the other words? You said some things in Portuguese before."

"Those ones are far dirtier than saudade," he replies, amused. 

"Now I need to know," he pokes his shoulder. "Tell me."  

"It was mostly cursing," he tells him. 

"No, you said something else," he says. "A phrase. Something that sounded like gosh something." 

"Gostoso," he repeats. 

"Yeah, that," he agrees. "What about this one?"

"I just said you were hot," he tilts his head up to smile directly at Regulus. "I said you were hot as fuck."

"Oh," his cheeks get warm. "Nice, then." James snorts. "Tell me something else in Portuguese." 

"Você é a coisa mais linda que eu já vi." He likes how James' voice sounds in Portuguese. 

"What does that mean?" He asks.

"That I think we should go to shower," he tells him. "And sleep, because I'm tired as fuck." 

"I'm not sure I can feel my legs," he comments. It's not that bad, but Regulus is a bit sore, and honestly he's so fucked after the amount of orgasms he had, he doesn't think he can stand for a long time. He was fucked good. 

"You just want me carrying you around," James teases him, biting his hip bone playfully. 

"Maybe," he smirks a bit. 

"In this case," James says, sitting on the bed and standing, then he grabs Regulus' thighs and hoists him up, holding him in his arms like he weighs nothing at all. "I'm taking care of you, love, don't worry about it."

And he does. God, he really does. 

He washes Regulus up, sits him on the marble seat of his shower and dries him up. James does Regulus skincare on him, sitting him up on the counter and following Regulus step-by-step commands, and he looks entertained by doing so, smiling at him while he applies moisturizer on his face. They brush their teeth when they're done and go to bed. 

Regulus lays down naked, too tired to do anything else, but James starts dressing him up back in his oversized long-sleeved shirt with nothing else under it. 

"Why clothes?" He mutters, a little grumpily with sleep.

"It's a habit, I guess," James replies quietly. "When Harry is around, we always need to sleep clothed. Even if he's at Lily's," he tells him. "I never lock the door when I go to sleep, and sometimes he just comes barging in and I— I don't want him to see something he shouldn't, you know?"

Regulus softens. He can't stop thinking about the difference between James and his own father. Regulus was eleven when he saw a naked woman on his father's lap and he barely reacted at all, but James would never let that happen to his own kid. 

"Of course, James," he tells him gently, kissing his cheek. 

He nods a bit, kissing Regulus' forehead and covering him up with the blankets. James dresses himself, and by the time he turns the lights off, Regulus is already dozing off. James hugs him from behind, nuzzling his nose on Regulus' nape, and with such a comfortable thing, Regulus sleeps happily.

The next day it's domestic and fun. 

James awakes first, being lazy in bed and caressing Regulus to watch him sleep instead of getting out of bed, to which Regulus reacts by calling him a freak. He cooks pancakes for breakfast and after they eat, they go to the living room, watching Misery while they lazily make out on the sofa. 

The kisses get more and more hot, and Regulus doesn't need much convincing before James is putting his panties, blue this time, to the side and fucking him. Though he was still sore, Regulus doesn't care much about it while he was being fucked slowly and torturingly. 

After that, they don't do much. James orders their lunch because they're not in the mood to cook, and they talk a lot. About everything and anything at all, subjects are not really necessary, they just talk about whatever's on their minds and make it last, in Regulus' case, just to hear James' voice. 

They eat lunch on the sofa while Regulus makes James watch Sex on the City and he loves Samantha immediately, because of course he does. James washes the dishes while Regulus dries them, and they fight about which song they want to play while they're at it, causing Regulus to be really passionate about it and James to be horny about Regulus' reaction, so naturally, they heavily snog against the kitchen cabinets. 

In the afternoon, they choose to be even more lazy. James needs to solve some things for work and while he's at it, Regulus listens to an audiobook and decides he wants to bake a cake. He doesn't tell his friends where he is, but Regulus feels a little bit guilty for not telling them, it's not like he's hiding because he knows it's wrong, like he did in the past. They don't tell each other everything, they're not like James and Sirius who need to tell each other every single thing from their lives, but Regulus knows he's just keeping this for himself because he doesn't want people perceiving his relationship with James, which is a little stupid. 

The cake it's good, and James tells him that over and over to the point Regulus is making him eat even more cake so he can shut up. They shower together, and Regulus convinces James to put some face masks with him, so they play crosswords while they wait the minutes to wash their faces. 

It's kind of strange for Regulus, this easy intimacy. Regulus had one real relationship in his life, and even then he always felt like one wrong step and everything would collapse. Deep down, he always felt like if he slipped into his true self, he would leave him. But with James, it's not like that. He doesn't make Regulus too self-aware of himself, Regulus feels comfortable talking nonsense with him, fighting with him about stupid things such as the song they're going to listen to as they wash the dishes or if the words are valid on the crossword or not. It shocks Regulus a bit, but with James, he's not afraid of being himself. 

Regulus was always good at pretending, acting in a part that was never his to play simply because that was better than being himself. But somehow, he wants James to see the real him, not pretenses or masks. Just Regulus. 

And well, he thinks James likes Regulus as Regulus, and this is a fucking first. 

He can't ignore the fact that he came to London to rebuild himself and build a new life here and ended up finding James in the way, the first person who chose Regulus as himself and let him exist at his true self. 

They order pizza for dinner, eating while they share a glass of white wine and watch Carrie make a fool of herself for Mr.Big.

Harry calls James in the middle of it, and Regulus watches with soft eyes James talking to him, his feet on his lap. He can listen to Harry's voice, so at least now he can follow their conversation. 

"Did you do your homework?" James asks him, thumb brushing against the bone of Regulus' ankle, holding his phone to his face while he facetime Harry. He hears Harry whines in lamentation. "Harry," he reprimands him playfully, a smile on his lips. 

"Listen, dad!" He tries to defend himself. "I was going to! But today was soooo fun that now I'm suuupeeer tired," he fakes a yawn. "Mom said it's no use to do homework tired because then it's dog shit!"

"Language," James tells him, but he's amused by Harry, Regulus can tell. "Do it tomorrow morning then, your mom or Dorcas can help. You know they'll wait until you're finished before you leave to explore Ireland." 

"I can do it at the airport," he tries. 

"Harry," he arches an eyebrow. 

"Fine!" He imagines Harry rolling his eyes. "Hey, dad."

"Yeah, buddy?" 

"To com saudade," that word again, Regulus thinks fondly. 

"Me too," James smiles gently. "What do you want to do when you come back?"

"Can we watch Spiderman?" He asks excitedly. "And can you make popcorn and bring it ice cream?"

"Of course," he nods. "Done and done."

"And oh!" He goes on. "Help me pass the level of Lego Batman two?" 

"Sure," he agrees. "I'm better than you, anyway."

"You're not!" He giggles. "You're so bad at it, dad."

"I'm not helping you anymore, then," he teases him. 

"No! I was joking," he says dramatically. 

"That's what I thought," he hums. 

"Mom is telling me I need to brush my teeth so I can go to sleep," he tells him a little grumpily. 

"Listen to her, she's a very wise woman."

"Yeah, she's the best," Regulus imagines Harry smiling. "Night, dad! I love you. Te amo."

"Night, Haz," he smiles softly at him. "See you soon, dad misses you. Te amo." He waves to the phone, back at Harry, he thinks, and then finishes the call. 

Regulus keeps staring at him, mesmerized by how James Potter exists and can be so damn good about everything in the world. He's not perfect, Regulus is aware of that, there's too much he hides, too many burdens he can't let go, too many problems he struggles with and things he can't voice out, but overall, James is good, and he wants Regulus.

"How could this be a problem for anyone?" Regulus asks quietly. 

"Huh?" James turns his head to stare at him. 

"Harry," he clarifies. "Your past lovers. How you being a good father could ever be a problem?" He actually feels offended on James' behalf. 

"I think it's just natural for people to want to be their boyfriend's priority," he tells him. "And they were never mine. It's not that they were rude to Harry or anything like that, they liked him a lot, but when I needed to choose, it was never them I chose."

"But just because your kid was your priority, it didn't mean they weren't as well," Regulus rebukes. "I mean, Harry is pretty grown up now, but I assume you had partners when he was younger, so it's kind of obvious you would focus your time and attention on your baby son," he goes on. "And anyway, what would they do if you started having kids of your own? Would they resent you for being a good dad again? Resent Harry?" He asks. "It just seems you've been dating the wrong people for a while."

James puts too much pressure on himself, and his past lovers clearly helped with his behavior. He believed being a good and present dad was a problem, for Christ's sake, and those people let him believe that, to be a better boyfriend, he needed to put his kid aside once in a while. Regulus thinks it can be a little frustrating to date someone who's always busy, but Harry was a lot younger and you can't really date a parent without understanding there will be times you'll need to spend your time with their kid as well, and not ask them to split their attention in two. 

"Seems like I'm dating the right person right now, so it doesn't really matter," he says, looking intently at Regulus, some specific emotion written all over his face, but one Regulus doesn't know how to identify. 

He flushes, the attention causes turmoil inside of himself, but James' statement also makes him a little shy and touched. 

"They were all stupid for letting you go," Regulus comments. "Good for me, I guess."

"Good for you," James smiles, pulling Regulus close to him by his ankle until his ass it's on James' lap. 

"Tell me about them," he asks him. Regulus thinks it's a good start to talk about exes, but he doesn't really know much about this, his relationship ideas came from his own fucked up one, his brother's and his friend's. So, not a normal relationship's standard. "If it's okay."

"I only had three serious relationships in my life, and one was before Harry, in college," James tells him.

"Right, the one who dumped you and led you to the crazy Halloween party where he was conceived."

"Yeah," he laughs. "Carla," he tells him. "She was Brazilian, and she came back to Brazil so she didn't really want to continue our relationship. But she's cool, she's married now," he goes on. "I met her once in Brazil when Harry was around two, but I didn't have any feelings for her anymore so that was it."

"Ex number two?" 

"Mark," he replies. "Harry was four and I was just thinking about going back to dating, because I only did casual fucks here and there until then. He was a journalist and interviewed me for an article about philanthropy. I thought he was pretty and he flirted with me for a bit, so I asked him on a date and it worked. He was good with Harry, but it was kind of obvious he wanted a young type of love, which meant going out every weekend and having crazy sex. It didn't really work out, and we started to fight about how I didn't have time for him and how he was always my last priority when I did have time. So he broke up with me." 

He's not sure if he should feel angry for James or jealous because of a prick named Mark. 

"Number three?" 

"Florence," he says. "A year after Mark. I thought we were going to marry."

Regulus doesn't really like to hear that at all.

"What happened?" 

"Same thing," he sighs. "It didn't help that she didn't enjoy how close I was to Lily, I mean, she's not just the mother of my son but she's also my best friend. But yeah, she was kind of jealous about it, she wanted to marry me too, she was always talking about it but… I think she thought that, as time passed, she would become my top priority, which didn't happen. And she was good with Harry too, she never complained about going out with him, she loved my parents and all but — She wanted to be my number one and I couldn't give her that, so she said she wouldn't settle for scraps and left." 

"She sounds like a bitch."

"Regulus," he laughs. "She was nice, I promise. She was just very certain of what she wanted and she couldn't see me giving it to her." 

"Do you miss her?" He asks, like a fucking masochist. 

"I did for a while," he replies. "But not anymore, no. I saw her once or twice after we broke up, but I think she's engaged now, so. I hope she's happy." Regulus could never say something like that. "Besides them, I never had someone serious, but there was always a complaint about how busy I always was."

"You're worth some millions, of course you're a busy man," he tells him. "But you're always cutting yourself open to have time for everyone, so you shouldn't put much pressure on yourself, James. You're doing the best you can, it's enough."

"Enough," he repeats, like no one ever told him that. 

"Yeah," he repeats. Enough for me. 

James holds his cheek gently and brings his face closer to his own, kissing Regulus softly like he's something precious he wants to keep. Regulus allows him, thanking every little force in this fucked up world that put all the wrong people on James path so he could end up with Regulus right now. 

When they part, James keeps staring at him like if he blinks, Regulus will disappear. 

"What about you?" He asks him, quietly like they're in a separate world entirely.

"Mhm?" 

"Exes," he explains. "What about yours?" 

This should be a simple thing to answer, but for Regulus, it's like James just threw a ticking bomb in his lap. 

He feels stupid. Of course James would want to know about Regulus' exes after he asked about his, he didn't even stop to think about it. 

Regulus feels stuck. He can't reply to James, doesn't want to, honestly. Because as soon as Regulus tells him, this look in James' eyes will change, and the idea makes Regulus skittish. The truth is not something Regulus is proud of, he left France wanting to leave the truth hidden there, all of his ghosts shoved into a very deep and dark closet. His skeletons are better off buried, away from James. 

Because if he knows the truth, he'll see how fucking pathetic Regulus really is. How problematic and misshapen. 

"Reg?" He calls his name, looking at him with brows furrowed. 

"It's not important," it's what he says. 

James' frown deepens. "What?" 

"It's not worth talking about."

"You asked me about it," James reminds him, not unkindly but a little accusing. "I thought you wanted to talk about it."

"I wanted to know about you," he clarifies. "Not talk about myself."

"So it's okay when I share but you can't do the same," he says, eyes searching for something in Regulus. 

It makes him feel a little claustrophobic, like by his reaction alone, James can already tell everything that's wrong with Regulus.

Regulus gets out of his lap, standing and taking a step away from James. He can't tell if this action pisses James off or hurts him, but he doesn't want to find out either way. 

He barely said something and he already feels like he's ruining everything, all of their weekend will be reduced by this stupid conversation and James will see Regulus is more trouble than he's worthy. 

"I never said I wanted to talk about it," he crosses his arms like he's protecting himself. 

"Why are you pulling me away?" James asks simply.

"I'm not."

"You are," he stands as well, stopping in front of Regulus. "It's fine if you don't want to talk about it, I'm only asking you why."

"I—" He can see the truth wanting to escape, and the idea horrifies Regulus. 

James can't know, it will change everything. 

"You know what? I think I'm leaving."

"What?" He asks, looking very surprised by this statement. "Regulus, that's not—" 

"I'll call you, yeah?" He cuts him off, needing to get out. Get away so he can keep the fucking truth to himself. Regulus likes him too much to risk it all by telling him the truth. 

"Regulus," he calls him again, but Regulus is already walking away. 

He regrets his stupid decision as soon as he gets outside because it's fucking freezing and he's wearing nothing but a thin long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants. Regulus walks quickly to the end of the street, hating himself for bolting instead of staying and talking his way out of it. 

But he feels trapped, like there's a huge spotlight on him while the entire world waits for him to admit how fucking broken he is. How unworthy of every single thing in his life. Like if he tells James about it, he'll see the huge stain in Regulus and realize he's not that enticing anymore. And it's not even about approval, it's worse than that, because Regulus wants to keep James' kind eyes when focused on him, he wants his smiles and warmth, and if he sees this part of Regulus, the enchantment will cease to exist. 

He knew this moment would come. Regulus can't keep anything good for a long time, he's always bound to fuck everything up or lose it. 

Desperate, in an attempt to know what the fuck he should do, how he should fix it, he picks his phone up, thanking god he brought it with him.

He tries once, twice, but he picks up only on the third try. 

"What?" Evan's voice asks.

"What took you so long?" He asks back.

"I was fucking, Regulus," he replies. "Which you fucking interrupted. What do you want?"

"Are you with Barty?" 

"Well, he's the guy I fuck on regular basis, so yes," he says sarcastically.

"Put it on speaker."

"Hi, babe," Barty greets. "This better be good, Evan was about to beat the shit out of my—"

"I'm kind of dating James," he blurts out. 

Barty stops talking and a silence drags for a few beats.

"Did he just say he's dating James?" Evan asks, probably to Barty. 

"I think so," Barty replies. "But surely there is another guy named James, right? Not daddy Potter?"

"Nop," he laughs, a little out of it. "As in, James Potter. Yes, him."

"Regulus, what the fuck?!" Barty fucking screams in his ear. 

"Look, it's been happening for two weeks already and he apologized," he tries to explain. "I'm telling you details later, and sorry I didn't tell you, but that's not why I'm calling."

"Why are you calling, then?" Evan asks, less betrayed than Barty, which is expected. Evan can keep a fucking secret, he probably killed someone and never told a single soul about it, so he respects other's secrets. 

"I slept at his yesterday, we're spending the weekend together," he says. "We got into the exes conversation."

"Did he say something stupid?" Barty promptly asks. "Was he an asshole? This time I'm really flying there to beat the shit out of him, I swear to—"

"No, he didn't," he cuts him off before he starts monologuing how he'll break James' legs. "He told me about his, then he asked about mine and I— I fucking left. Bolted, actually, which was stupid because now I'm freezing my ass off in the middle of the street."

"Fuck, you're a mess," Evan comments. 

"Yes, I know, thank you."

"Why, Reg?" Barty asks, now a little more softly. 

"Because— If I tell him, he'll see me differently, alright? He'll know all the fucked parts, he'll pity me, see how fucking pathetic and weak and broken I am," he tells them. "And I can't have that. I can't take it. He's the first person I'm comfortable being myself with, and the way he looks at me— He looks at me like he sees me and he likes what he sees. But if he knows about him, about the places I put myself at, he's going to look at me differently, I just know it. He'll see how fucking rotten, wrong and imperfect I am and—"

"Hey, Reg, hey," Barty says gently, cutting him off, and Regulus realizes he has been spiraling. 

"He left me when he saw my ugly parts," he whispers out. "James will do the same."

"He won't," Evan says, level-headed. "You just said he sees you for you and likes it, have you been paying attention to what you were saying at all?" He asks him.

But it's different, Regulus thinks. He has been hiding the worst parts from James, he has been doing it since the very beginning, too scared to let it all out. 

"What do I do?" He questions. "How do I fix this?"

"You tell him the truth," Evan replies. 

"No, I—"

"Regulus," he cuts him off. "Relationships require sincerity and honesty," he advises. "I'm not saying it'll be easy and he might be a little taken aback, but you can't hide this from him forever. This is also a part of who you are, if James really likes you, he'll understand that too. You made mistakes, that doesn't mean you're unworthy or pathetic, or any other bad word you just used to describe yourself."

"You know, relationships are not just about being perfect and good," Barty adds. "It's about the ugly bits too, he didn't want your ugly parts because he was a fucking asshole who deserves shit for the rest of his life. But if James likes you for real, this won't scare him away, Reg. You're not perfect, he must know that too because James is not perfect either and you know it." 

"I'm scared," he confesses. "I already like him too much, I don't want him to see me differently." 

"He won't," Evan tells him, and Evan was never one to say optimistic stuff just for the hell of it. If he's telling him that, it's because he believes in what he's saying. 

"Just because you did some questionable stuff in the past, it doesn't mean you're unworthy of love," Barty tells him. "Trust me, I'd know all about it." Because Barty made mistakes too, he sank so low at rocket bottom he thought no one would have the patience to pick up the pieces, yet, Evan did.

"Plus, you know how fucked up it was," Evan reassures him. "You know what went wrong, Reg. He'll see that too." 

"Okay," he whispers, trying to breathe properly. "Okay. Thank you."

"No problem," Barty says easily, like it was nothing. "Now go have a real conversation with your hot daddy, and when you're done with all the make-up, hot sex, you owe us a fucking explanation you sneaky, horny, little bitch." 

"Yeah," he snorts despite himself. "Grab Dora too, yeah?" 

"Yeah, we got it," Evan tells him. "Good luck, and if he fucks all up, we can kill him for you."

"Promise I will do more than break his nose this time," Barty promises him. 

"He has a good nose," Regulus comments. "I have to go now. Thank you, really."

"Whatever, what friends are for, right?" Barty says. "We love you, Reg."

"Yeah, I know," I love you too. "Go back to your kinky fuck."

"Oh, we will," Evan says smugly. "Bye, Reg."

"Bye."

He stands in the middle of the street, trying to find his courage somewhere. 

Regulus never talked about everything with someone other than his therapist. His friends were there when everything was happening, and then he never spoke about it other than to Helena, and only because he was paying her to help and listen to him talk about it. After everything happened, he shoved all of it so deep that he thought they would never see the light again, and a part of Regulus really thought he could be in a relationship without ever speaking a word about it. But he was obviously wrong. James needs to know, he won't ever understand all of Regulus if he doesn't know all of it. 

And Regulus will be depositing a lot of trust in James by telling him the truth. 

He doesn't want to be disappointed, Regulus fears he was already too disappointed in this life already. 

With a newfound bravery, Regulus goes back to where he bolted from. He lifts his hand to knock on the door, but before he can, the door is already opening and James looks surprisedly at him, like he wasn't expecting to see Regulus at all. 

"I—" James stops, searching for something in his eyes. "I was going after you," he admits. 

Regulus feels the warmth spreading through his chest. 

"Turns out it was kind of cold, so," he shrugs, trying to look at ease when he's shaking inside. "Can I come in?"

James takes a step to the side, opening the door more so Regulus can enter. He does it in silence, feeling awkward and wrong, following James back to the living room. 

It's just like it was ten minutes ago, obviously, but Regulus feels everything else differently. There's no ease around them anymore, James is looking at him like he's expecting the bomb to finally blow up, and Regulus is too uncomfortable to look anything but sick. 

The problem it's not even to tell him about everything, but the fact that Regulus will have to say things about himself. And who he was back then is not someone he's proud of being. 

He can see clearly everything that was wrong back then, but when things were happening, Regulus thought it was alright. That there was nothing wrong with any of it. 

"Look, Regulus," James starts saying, not handling the silence anymore. "If you're uncomfortable talking about it, that's fine, you don't need to tell me. I just don't want to stay like this with you because of it, I'm sorry I asked."

"I'm not uncomfortable," he ends up saying. "I'm just scared of telling you the truth."

"There's nothing to be scared of," James reassures him. "I would never judge you."

He laughs weakly, not so sure about it. "You should sit."

Surprisingly, James does, not even commenting about it. He sits and looks expectantly at Regulus, and he wonders if he would really be okay if Regulus never told him any of it. If he was going to be able to look at the other side and not to Regulus' shady past. 

He swallows dryly, looking at a fixed point in the wall rather than at James. 

"I was eighteen when I lost my virginity," he starts saying. "An age as good as any, I guess. But I couldn't picture myself having sex and enjoying it before that, I didn't like my body and thought I would probably turn off the lights, too embarrassed to actually like it and feel relaxed to do it. Which not everyone feels about it, but it was how I felt back then. After the surgery, I was slowly getting some confidence, some days were still harder than others but I was getting there," he explains. "Barty… He had issues when we were younger, and when he became of age, he started hanging out with some people. Rich, older, powerful man. Men he knew his father wouldn't approve of, he used to go to these secretive, expensive hidden clubs, and one day he asked me to go with him. 

"It was a few months after my surgery and he thought it would do me some good to go out a bit, have some fun, learn how to be comfortable with myself. Evan was busy with his revenge plan and Pandora never liked places like this, so it was just me and Barty. The only thing he told me was to stay away from the man there, which I listened to, until Barty disappeared and I was alone at the bar. This guy sat by my side, and he was handsome, expensive, powerful. Older. It took me a few minutes to realize he was flirting with me and when I did realize it I just… I felt good. I felt desired and captivating and this type of thing never happened to me before. He could've had anyone he wanted, but he wanted me and I got high on that type of power. That someone experienced, rich and important wanted someone like me. He took me to a hotel after we flirted in the bar, and it was easy to pretend that I was used to that, to play a character that wasn't really myself because I was so out of my depth. But the thing about the thrill it's that it takes your worries away, and for that minute, I was barely myself. I told him I was trans, he didn't care. I told him I never did that before and it got him turned on, so he took my virginity and it wasn't even bad because he just kept telling me how pretty I was and I got drunk on it."

"How old was he?" James suddenly asks, his voice tight and hard. 

"Twenty-eight," he whispers. 

He makes the mistake of looking at James and sees he's balling his fists tightly. He was James' age, and he's probably thinking about what type of man takes the virginity of an eighteen-year-old, awkward and shy trans boy. Back then, Regulus knew he was probably being objectified, but the sad reality is that Regulus was so desperate for any type of validation and affection, that he barely cared that the guys were older. Much older. 

He also knows, deep down, that Regulus liked that they were older because it made his twisted mind picture he was getting back at his shitty father. He never paid attention to Regulus, and now older guys were losing their minds to fuck him. It was fucked and he's aware, he talks about it constantly in therapy, but Regulus was eighteen, learning how powerful sex was and how much it made him feel attractive, so he wasn't really thinking about details like this one.

"After that, I became addicted to the power of it," he confesses, feeling ashamed of everything. "I never viewed myself as attractive, but these men were circling me like vultures and I liked the attention, as fucked as it sounds. It was easy to pretend I was who they wanted me to be, and for a lot of months, I kept the pattern because it filled something inside of me. Some of them were regulars, others a one-night stand. They would buy me stuff, fly me to Monaco and invite me to their yacht parties. I never had sex for money or for the things they offered me, I had sex because I wanted sex and it made me feel powerful, but now I can see there was a clear power balance happening. I just didn't really care, probably was too naive for all of it, actually. 

"So, until I was twenty, I only had casual sex with those guys. I did get attached, but they never wanted to truly know me, it was just about sex and I learned early that men mostly just wanted me for my body and looks and nothing else. I was used to being discarded."

"That's why you reacted like that after our first time," James realizes, his voice strained. "You thought I was like them. That I just wanted you for sex."

"Yeah," he confirms weakly.

"Regulus, that was never how I felt," James finds the need to say, almost pleading. "I'm so sorry I made you think like that."

"It's fine," he says easily. "I know the truth now, it's alright." James could never be like them, Regulus knows it now. "Anyway," he scratches his throat, "Things changed when I was twenty."

"Why?"

"Because that's when I had my first and only serious relationship," he replies.

"Okay," James nods slowly. "Tell me about it." 

"He was friends with one of uncle Alphard's friends. I met him in one of my uncle's exhibitions, he was beautiful, rich, very alluring and enigmatic," he tells him. "He got me hooked so fast it was almost embarrassing. He flirted with me the entire night, practically, and I thought he would be one more guy I was going to fuck and move on but he surprised me and asked me on a date. No one ever had asked me on a date without an invitation to fuck, which just proves how fucking pathetic everything was, back then," he laughs. 

"So we went on a date, then two turned into three and I started to get so tangled up with him it almost became an obsession. I was crazy about him, he was different from the other guys. There was the thrill of the chase now, to prove to myself I could have him if I wanted, that this time, he wasn't just interested in my body but in myself as a whole too. We only had sex on the sixth date and I thought, this is the one, it has to be," he feels his eyes burning. "He was older, of course, thirteen years older. Very important businessman with a nice sports car and an expensive penthouse. I fell in love with him. Wanted to marry him, actually. He listened to everything I had to say, he bought me flowers and gave me meaningful presents. I practically lived with him after a few months and we stayed together for over a year. 

"But I started to see the cracks. He never took me on dates close to his place or where he worked, always far away places in the city or other countries. I never met his parents, his friends, or coworkers. He never wanted to meet Sirius or Alphard and he kept his distance from my friends too. He didn't want to announce our relationship because he said people would talk since I was so much younger and we should keep it low for a while. I told him I wanted to marry him," he scoffs. "He said he didn't want to get married. It was getting clear that maybe he didn't feel like I did, that maybe he just kept me around because I was so fucking needy it was an easy way to have company. He traveled a lot for work, sometimes I would stay weeks alone by his house waiting for him to come back and it was just… Really fucking pathetic."

He remembers obsessively wearing the clothes he said he was pretty in, remembers trying to make him happy all the time because it proved something to Regulus, that he was still useful and he still liked him. Trying to find excuses for the secrecy, telling himself he was just a busy man, that he was probably estranged from his family and didn't have real friends he trusted Regulus around with. He used to say Regulus could turn a fucking priest into a sinner, so he always made himself believe he was just possessive of him. 

"By the end of it, I was getting snappish at his behavior because I just wanted some commitment, you know? And then one day he just said he was moving to New York. Didn't tell me before, didn't make plans to take me with him, nothing. Like I was a disposable person and he wouldn't miss me at all. We had a fight and I lost my damn mind about it, broke a lot of shit at his place," he sniffs a bit. "He told me I was being too much and maybe distance would do us some good. I left, but we didn't actually break up so I kept making stupid mistakes like calling him all across New York. He picked up every time, said he missed me and that I shouldn't try my luck with another guy because no one would love me like he did," he laughs at this. "So one day, I got drunk and called him, telling him he was a fucking dick and I wished I never met him and then he said," he takes a deep breath, "He said he had met someone."

"Reg, you don't need—"

"No, let me just finish this," he shakes his head. "So picture that, he went to fucking New York but never really broke up with me, so it still felt like we were together, but then he meets someone and this mysterious woman finally makes him break up with me, over a call. A woman he was probably talking to while he was still with me, so I was humiliated. My friends needed to lock me in so I didn't fly to fucking New York to scream at him, they blocked his number from my phone so I would stop calling. I was broken, I hated myself, I cried too much, my life was fucked. I didn't want therapy because I refused to admit he destroyed me, I fucked every single man that came in my direction, then I cried myself to sleep because none of them were him. 

"Months passed, the pain eased. I was twenty-one, life was finally getting manageable again, so one day, I'm walking around Paris normally until I bumped into him in a store. My world tilts, I can't breathe because he's fucking back and I didn't even knew it. And I think to myself, never again. But things got worse because suddenly, he's engaged. To the same woman he left me for. A very nice, beautiful, rich and rightful american woman, who's not crazy or breaks his fucking penthouse and he actually introduces her to his family and friends. So really, the problem was clearly me." 

He remembers getting so fucking sick he had to excuse himself to throw up in the middle of the sidewalk. 

The problem was, she was everything Regulus wasn't. For once, she wasn't trans, or a man, so she was pretty easy to explain to his business partners, friends and family. Her family had a nice house in the Hamptons, she had a nice career as a wedding planner, married parents that loved her and gave her a Porsche for her birthday. All her friends were sorority girls with rich parents, she was polite, played tennis at the countryside club and wore Miu Miu. She was poised, perfect, well-educated and easy to tame. And Regulus understood that he was none of those things, that no matter how much he played a part to be someone that wasn't really him, it wasn't enough because he could never be someone like her, not even if he pretended to be. 

People like his mom, Regulus learned, people like him, were never the chosen ones. Perfect girls like his new fianceé were. 

"I'm sorry, Reg," James says sympathetically, and Regulus hates it. He hates that James is feeling sorry for him. 

"It gets worse," he says easily, almost making fun of himself. "He asked me to get to know her better, he wanted to talk it all out, stay friends. Do you know what happened, James?" 

"What?" He whispers.

"I let him fuck me a day before his engagement party. He kept fucking me after that, too, and he never canceled the fucking wedding," he tells him, not being brave enough to see if James is disgusted by him. "I knew it was wrong and that the poor woman had nothing to do with it and didn't deserve it, but I guess a part of me felt good about it. That he was marrying her but he still wanted me. I'm not trying to defend myself, it was fucked up and sick, but I wanted to ruin his marriage to feel better about myself. I loved him, and he never offered me a single thread of what he was offering her. Someone he had met a few months ago.

"I got sick with all of it, everyone was telling me I should stop. That I deserved better, but I couldn't. Until the wedding day was coming closer and I realized that, no matter how much he fucked me, he was still going to marry her and I was always going to be his dirty little secret. So I told him to choose and he did," he says. "They're still married, by the way. And after that, I never spoke to him again. He tried coming after me once, but Barty broke his nose and he never tried again. I started therapy after all of that, and when I got the job offer I didn't think twice before leaving, because everything in that place reminds me of him and I hate it. So there you go, that's what happened."

The tension is heavy and the silence thick, but Regulus refuses to ask James what he's thinking about. He looks at him, almost too afraid of what he's going to see, but James' expression is almost blank. He's looking at Regulus with rapid attention, like now that he knows all of it, he can solve him. He's not looking disgusted or pitiful, it's actually quite hard to know what he's feeling right now, and that's worse than knowing.

"Still not judging me?" He asks him, finally. 

"I'm glad Barty broke his nose," it's all he says. Something so out of what he was expecting he's not even sure how to respond. 

"What?"

"He should've broken his hands too," he adds. 

"James—" 

"I don't know what you want me to say," he confesses. "It's a lot, but I'm not judging you for it. You loved him, he used that against you, and no rightful man would string you along like he did."

"I helped him cheat on his wife," he reminds him. 

"And you already said you know it was wrong," James says. "I feel sorry for her because I doubt he's a good husband, but it's not completely on you, Reg." 

"I guess," he mumbles. 

By that time, he lived in a constant turning of feeling guilty and then fucking smug about it. A part of him delighted himself in knowing he still wanted him, and the other felt disgusted that he was ruining her wedding without her knowing about it. Pandora said he should tell her, because she didn't deserve to marry someone like him, but Regulus never got the courage to do so or try. A part of him maybe wanted her to be miserable like he was, like they could at least have this connection caused by the same man.

He could see himself getting tangled into their mess again, and Regulus knew that even if he was disgusted by the thought, back then, even if they were married, he would go back to him again if he had the chance. He was too weak not to. 

So after Regulus said he was done, he drowned himself in college and graduating, and a few months after that, he was flying to London promising to never hear about him again. 

"Can you come here, please?" James asks him. 

Regulus goes to him, despite himself. He was expecting judgment and it scares him he's not finding anything. Regulus doesn't want to believe it was that easy, that James still thinks the same of him. 

He sits by James' side on the sofa, keeping some distance between them. James doesn't like the distance, so he pulls Regulus closer until their thighs are touching. He looks at Regulus up close, holding his hand like Regulus is still worthy of touching. He doesn't get it. 

"Thanks for telling me, I know it must've been hard for you."

"I don't understand," he mutters. "You're fine with it?"

"I want to murder that man for what he did to you and all the others before him who used you and made you believe sex was the only thing you were good for," he corrects him. "And I wouldn't use the word fine to define how I'm feeling right now, but I'm not going to think differently of you because of it. You have a past and you're taking care of your issues with it in therapy, if you want to talk to me about it, I'll listen, but I'm not here to judge, pity, or fix you. Your past doesn't scare me, love. I just wish you had it all differently." 

Regulus opens his mouth. Closes. He's not sure what he wants to say, if he wants to say anything at all. This almost doesn't feel real, but James' hand on his feels real enough, so Regulus squeezes to keep himself tethered to reality. 

"Me too," he ends up saying. "I— You know there's not the reason why I'm with you, right? That though you fit in the description, it's not why I'm here right now?" He asks him. "You were always different. You saw me when no one did, back when I didn't even know my own voice. I don't like you just because you're older, or rich, or—"

"I know, Reg," he tells him gently. "I understand why you were drawn to this pattern and I also understand I don't fit." 

"No?" 

"No," he confirms. "Because though I make you feel powerful, there's nothing to do with me finding you attractive out of everyone else," he tells him. "You're with me because I see you, and deep down, more than wanting to feel powerful and desired, you always wanted to be seen more. And I see you."

"It's a messy, horrible thing to see," he breathes out. 

"Not to me," he tells him. "It is a little bit messy, but it's really fucking beautiful and resilient. You're chaos, Regulus, but I want every bit of your mess."

His chest heaves with a feeling so damn strong it takes his breath away. Regulus never had any of that, he never believed his mess could be something people wanted instead of fearing. Being someone else always worked better in Regulus' favor, but not with James. James wants the real thing, even if he knows it's messy and chaotic. 

"I'm sorry I bolted."

"It's fine, we can talk about this later," he says softly. "Can I hold you?" 

"Yes," he nods. "Please, hold me."

So James does, and though they didn't really talk about everything, Regulus realizes they don't need to. James knows the truth and he already chose what he wants. He knows the darkest, shameful and ugly part of Regulus, and instead of refusing him, he wraps his arms around Regulus and brings him to his lap, sinking his face in the crook of his neck and making a home there.

Maybe Regulus is poison, but James Potter might be the only person immune to his deadliest parts. 

Chapter Text

Regulus and Sirius were, kindly, asked to stop coming to yoga classes. He knew this would happen at some point because doing yoga is supposed to be a moment to relax, be quiet and calm, things his brother is not very good at. He swears some of the old ladies cursed them for how much they talked in their classes, so it was bound to happen. This way, Regulus won the competition and convinced Sirius they should do pilates instead. It's safe to say Regulus is regretting. 

It's their second class today and his entire body it's aching. Every step makes his legs burn and he never thought climbing stairs could be so painful after his first class. He wants to miss the second class and never do an exercise in his life, but his brother was very adamant about both going, so Regulus doesn't have many options. 

"I'm telling you, he wants me to kill myself," he says with airpods in his ears, tying his shoes. 

"No pain no gain, Reg," Pandora tells him, the sound of cars in the background. She's walking to her work while Regulus gets ready for torture. "Or at least they say." 

"I want to quit," he groans. 

"Stop being a baby, think about how hot you're going to be!" 

"I'm already hot, thanks," he snorts. 

"How's James?" She changes the topic swiftly. 

Right. James. 

He became a hot topic after Regulus confessed to Barty and Evan they were together in the middle of his crisis and as soon as Regulus came back to his place, he told them everything, or parts of it. 

The end of the week was great, actually. James didn't look at him differently or got weird after he learned about what Regulus was up to in France, and things were pretty domestic for the rest of the weekend. Just lazy cuddles and more fucking, which made Regulus feel normal about the whole thing. 

He was expecting James to judge him, even if for a little bit, but he didn't and that shocked Regulus. Maybe because he was used to judging himself a lot about how things worked back then and how much he hated himself a bit while it was happening, but James didn't express any bad opinions about any of it, which was… comforting. 

He saw Regulus as Regulus despite all the dark parts of his past, and Regulus didn't feel disgusted with himself for the first time after spilling everything out. 

After that, he had to tell his friends what actually happened. Evan and Barty doubted a bit, not trusting James' intentions, but Pandora was mostly quiet while he told them everything, listening without exposing her opinion. He wonders if she'll give her opinion now. 

Regulus knew none of them would judge him and tell him he was making a mistake, because they saw over and over again the type of mistakes Regulus made in the past and with the news about James, they knew he wasn't really a mistake, even if Barty was holding a bit of a grudge in Regulus' name. Still, it doesn't mean they don't have things to say.

"He's fine," Regulus replies easily. 

"And things are good?" She asks. 

"Yeah, things are good," he tells her, smiling a little bit silly, since no one is watching him. "Really good."

She stays quiet for a few beats before asking, "Did you really forgive him?" 

"Yes," he breathes out. "I know I can be petty and hold grudges, but with James, I wanted to give him a chance. What he did was messed up, but he apologized and cleared the air with me. I don't want to screw up a chance of something good because of grudges, plus, he has been amazing so far."

Regulus could've told him to go away. Made James do more than just get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He could get bitter and vindictive. But Regulus thinks it would be rather childish to do that after James told him he wanted all of Regulus and admitted he made a big mistake. He's not going to hold what he did over his head because James is being amazing to him after they talked. He's everything Regulus dreamed about, and he's not going to sabotage his happiness because of something they already cleared out. Regulus likes to think he can be mature and not just petty. 

"So far," she reminds him. 

"I know you're worried, but this time, I think it's really unnecessary," he says, sitting on his sofa to pet Nix behind his ear. 

"I'm not sure if I trust him," she says honestly. 

"I get that, but James is not an asshole," he promises her. "And I know I sound delusional, but before, the red flags were everywhere and I knew that. But not now, not anymore. He was honest about what he wanted with me and I want the same as him for once. He's not using me, Dora." 

"I don't know, Reg," she mutters. "I'm happy that you're happy, but I fear you're in too deep to see things clearly."

"I can take care of myself," he says reassuringly. "I told him about my past lovers. Everything." 

Regulus didn't tell her this before, even if Barty and Evan had some idea about it, but maybe this will soothe her. Regulus never told about his past flings to his ex, but when he commented about one thing or another, the replies always put the blame on Regulus. He always ended up feeling worse than before, and to actually be reassured that it wasn't on him is quite nice. Maybe it's the bare minimum, but Regulus honestly never had that before. 

"You did?" She sounds surprised, because Pandora knows how much Regulus doesn't like to talk about any of that. Telling James the truth means he trusts him. Enough to show his worst parts. 

"I did," he confirms. "I was terrified, actually. That he would see me differently or judge me, I don't know."

"And?" 

"And he made me feel less rotten inside," he confesses. "Not that his opinion fixes things in my head, but he held me and told me that he wants me. Despite everything else." 

"Good, then," she says softly. "You deserve to be loved fully. If he can do that in the future, then I'm happy. And I do trust your judgment, I just don't want you to be crushed if he turns out to be someone else."

"I know," he nods to himself, even if Pandora can't see. "But I'll be fine." 

He doesn't tell Pandora how his heart is already too attached to James. How he kisses him with worship in every breath. How he craves his touch. How James notices tiny things about Regulus and keeps them in his memory; Listens to everything he has to say and makes Regulus feel heard. How he thinks James could be the one. 

"I hope so," she hums, sincerely. "I need to go now, but good luck with your evil pilates." 

"I'll need it," he snorts. "Bye, Dora. Love you."

"Love you too," she says softly. 

When they finish the call, Regulus takes a deep breath. 

He understands his friends' worry, and if he was on the other side, he'd probably be wary too and even a little vengeful on their behalf. They're a tight group with a lot of protectiveness because they know each other's rawest parts and their Achilles heel. But Regulus wished people could see how good James is with him, and he doesn't believe he's just playing nice guy to save his face after their misunderstanding. That's simply not the way James is. He's earnest even when he's making a mistake. Regulus was played tons of times before, but even if James did strung him along, he never played with Regulus' feelings and part of their fight was because of miscommunication and assumptions. 

He can't see the future, but with James, Regulus feels a type of security he never felt before. And it's good to be with someone who for once's not scared to show Regulus how committed he is about a relationship with him. James' reliability makes him hotter than he already is, and Regulus is a sucker for the fact that he knows he can count on James and his feelings for him. He spent one year dating someone who couldn't offer him an ounce of what James does, not knowing if everything would stay the same the next day or what would happen in the future, but with James, he knows what he wants and doesn't need to live in an ongoing anxiety about the future of his relationship. 

So though Regulus can't predict the future, he's finally at ease with where they stand. 

Not wanting to get late, Regulus goes to the gym where he and Sirius are doing their classes, and it's hell on earth as he thought it would be. His legs shake and he has no idea how he's managing to keep his balance in check. Sirius, the awful bastard, doesn't look as miserable as Regulus and he feels the need to push him on the floor out of spite. 

"Where's your inner strength, Reg?" Sirius asks him by his side, drinking his water while Regulus keeps himself sitting on the floor with sweaty body and heaving chest. 

"Shoved in your ass," he grunts. "I hate you so much right now, you have no idea."

"Excuse me?" He huffs, offended. "It was your idea."

"Because you didn't want to do a normal thing," he complains. "I'm not feeling my legs, Sirius."

"You're weak."

"How are you standing?" He asks annoyed at how good Sirius is at this. 

"I'm used to being flexible and holding the weight of my body," he shrugs.

"Too many times sitting on dick and being bent, I bet," he scoffs. Regulus is pretty sure one of the rich moms choked on her water. 

"Shut up, Regulus," Sirius kicks his shin lightly, but Regulus is in so much pain it feels like Sirius just stabbed him and he hisses in pain.

"You're paying my Uber," he lets him know. "I'm not coming back to my flat by tube. I refuse."

"Pay your own Uber, Regulus."

"No," he refuses. "You're older. You pay."

"You have a job, you know?" 

"My money doesn't exist when you can pay me stuff," he lets him know. "Plus, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't even be here." 

"Were you this whiney before?" He wonders. 

"Sirius. I'm dying." 

"God, you're so dramatic."

"Says drama himself," he snorts, amusedly. Everything Regulus knows about being dramatic, he learned with Sirius. 

"Fine, I'm paying," he rolls his eyes. "Get up, we're leaving." 

With a lot of will and tons of pained moans, he gets up, supporting his weight on his brother as they get out of the gym. His body goosebumps with the shock of the heat with the cold outside. Regulus is not very fond of winter, but in just a few days the horrible season will start and Regulus is constantly with hands freezing and nose red. 

While they wait for Regulus' Uber, his brother asks, "How are things with James?" 

For a second, Regulus forgets that his brother thinks he and James are not talking to each other. 

He didn't directly ask Regulus that, but Sirius is not stupid, so he noticed that Regulus avoided going out with James last month when they weren't talking to each other. Sirius did mention James once or twice when Regulus was still mad, but he always shut the conversation saying he was just busy with work. Now, though, Sirius still thinks they're not talking to each other, and Regulus didn't try to tell his brother they're back to talking, nor did James. 

"Fine."

"Really?" He asks in doubt. "I know you two don't hang out anymore, you know." If only Sirius knew… 

"I'm busy, he's busy," he shrugs, tightening his coat around his body. "It just happened."

"Are you sure nothing happened?" He tries again. 

"Positive."

"It's just…" he pauses. "It's weird, that's all." 

"You think so?" 

"You two were pretty much attached to the hip for a while," he says carefully. "And then, nothing. You have to admit it's a little weird."

"Eh," he replies. 

"But you… Liked him," Sirius protests. 

"I liked him?" He repeats, arching an eyebrow. 

"You know what I mean," he grunts. "I know you have other friends, but— James was your friend too, and I liked the idea that you had other people to lean on here."

"So I was lonely and you let me borrow your best friend," he guesses. 

"It's not like that," Sirius tries to defend himself. But it kind of is. 

Regulus was a little lonely in London at first, he had his brother and Remus and that was it. So Sirius must have been relieved that Regulus' first real friend was James, because James was reliable and he trusted James. He's not sure if Sirius would feel the same thing if he knew they spent most of their alone time together flirting and talking about improper things. 

And now that he thinks they're not talking anymore, he probably feels bad for Regulus and wants to fix things for him. 

"You don't have to meddle, you know," Regulus tells him easily. "I don't hate James, we didn't have a fight or anything like that."

"I don't believe in you," he crosses his arms. "Something did happen and none of you wants to tell me why. Did he mess up?" 

"Even if he did have messed up, it's not up to you to fix it, Sirius," Regulus sighs. "He's my friend too, if he fucks things up with me, then I'm the one who needs to fix it with him. Stop worrying about it."

"I can't," he confesses. "I always worry about you."

Regulus softens a bit, but not enough to let Sirius think it's okay to meddle in all of his problems. That's why Regulus never told him any of his problems in France, why Sirius has no idea Regulus had a boyfriend at some point, he would probably pack his things and fly to France on the same day to shield Regulus from everything, and while a part of him regrets the fact that he hid everything from his brother, because he yearned for his comfort, he's also glad that he managed to get out on his own. Without that, Regulus fears he would never be able to stand up for himself. 

"Just worry about me in a normal amount, then," he bumps his shoulder against Sirius'. 

"Easier said than done," he bumps his shoulder back. 

They stand side by side in silence, and Regulus wonders if they can change how things happen in their relationship or if it's too late. If their brotherhood will always be tainted by their misshapen childhood or if they still can learn how to be brothers without the heaviness of their past weighing on them. 

Somehow, Regulus wants to be a little hopeful. 

After that, his Uber arrives and Regulus returns to his flat. He takes a painkiller for the awful burn on his body and proceeds to have an, almost, productive day, which entails working on his bed with Nix lying by his side while some true crime podcast plays in the background, one Regulus is not really paying attention to. 

It's around five pm when James texts him, letting him know he'll be passing in his flat after he's done with work to bring him dinner, asking Regulus what he wants. The promise of seeing James makes him a little giddy, he hasn't properly seen him for a few days, since James is busy with work, and facetime doesn't fulfill the need to see him in person and touch him, smell him, feel him everywhere. 

Even though he doesn't see James daily, Regulus is not that bothered by it because James always makes himself present by texts or calls. Regulus loves it when he's next to him, but he doesn't resent James or has enough spare time to think about how much he wants to be with him all day. He would say he deals quite well with their busy schedule. 

It's past six when James eventually arrives, wearing a heavy coat on top of his suit and looking tired, yet joyful. Regulus smiles at him when he opens the door, not helping himself, and he gives James a chaste kiss before grabbing the bag with their food, controlling his wince when he needs to tilt his head up to reach him. 

James takes his coat off, hanging close by the door, his shoes off as well, making himself comfortable. Regulus goes to the kitchen to put the food there, and James follows him, hugging Regulus without saying a single thing. 

Hugging James feels like being completely hidden from the outside world. His taller body engulfs all of Regulus and he hides his face in his chest, loving how good James smells. It's unexplainable how he's always smelling good, no matter when, James Potter always smells amazing. They stay like this for a few minutes, just hugging without talking, and Regulus feels his entire body relax, his bones melting like James is a sorcerer made to enchant Regulus into peacefulness. 

"I missed you," James tells him, his cheek on top of his head. 

"You're just addicted to me," he says lightly. 

James hums, "I think you're right. It's an addiction without cure." 

"Fine with me," he comments, making James chuckle a bit. 

He loses his grip on Regulus, tilting his head up by a finger on his chin. James stares at him with his big eyes, and Regulus fears he'll turn into a puddle with how much adoration James can hold in just a single stare, deep down, Regulus can't really believe he's worthy of this kind of look. 

He caresses his cheek with his thumb before he leans close to kiss Regulus, taking his breath away and holding him flush to his body. Regulus hugs James' waist, kissing him back and letting James ravish him entirely. When they part, he wants it all over again, until he's drunk on James. 

"I missed you too," Regulus confesses in a whisper. 

"So sweet to me," he praises him, kissing his forehead. "Let's sit," he urges him, guiding him to the sofa. James lies there, and Regulus manages to lay on top of him, even though the sofa is kind of small for the two of them. "How was your day?" James asks him, his hands wandering through all of Regulus' body. He always asks about Regulus' day, no matter if in person, by text or call. 

"Boring. Sirius tortured me with that fucking pilates class again, then I just came home and worked while I was being lazy," he kisses his jaw. "My body is fucked, though. I don't think I can do a lot of action today, can't feel my legs properly." 

"That bad?" He asks, a little preoccupied. 

"Yes," he grunts. "Everything aches."

James squeezes the back of his thighs lightly, and Regulus winces in pain. "Here?" 

"Mostly," he confirms. "My back is fucked too, and my entire leg." 

"Let me take care of it," he kisses his temple softly. 

"I just told you I can't give you a lot of action."

"I'm not talking about sex you little pervert," he laughs. "Do you have any massage oil?" 

"I guess," he answers. "Do you know how to give a massage?" 

"Of course I do, I'm a man with many talents, you know," he says smugly. 

"And an annoying ego," he adds, unimpressed. 

"You think it's hot," he smirks at him. "After dinner, I'm pampering you and giving you the massage of your life. Tomorrow you'll be as good as new." 

"Promises, promises," he mutters. "How was your day, Mr.Important?"

"Very stressful," he confesses. "My only sane thought was the picture you sent me in the morning." Ah, the picture. 

It became a habit for Regulus to send a good morning pic to James, pictures where he's wearing barely to nothing clothes, with perfect angles or sometimes just lazy ones. James called his spank bank material, but Regulus was just being generous because he's nice like that. Today's picture was one he took when he arrived, just after his shower. Regulus was with wet hair and some droplets running down his collarbone to his torso, wearing simply white cotton panties. He positioned himself in front of his long-length mirror, stuck his ass out a bit and sent the photo to James. 

"You liked it?" He asks teasingly, a smile playing on his lips. He knows James liked, he sent him twenty texts just complimenting him and saying everything he wanted to do with Regulus.  

"Something like that," he laughs hoarsely, pulling at the elastic of his sweatpants' waistband to see what Regulus is with underneath. "You're still wearing it," he hums in approval. 

"You think I put on panties just to take photos for you?" He asks him with an arched eyebrow. 

"You should," he grins down at him. "Take a polaroid, I'll put one in my wallet."

"Who's the pervert now, Potter?" 

"Guilty," he bites Regulus' lower lip playfully. 

"Why was it stressful?" He asks quietly, stroking his hand on James' arm soothingly. Regulus loves the feeling of cuddling with James, touching him everywhere just for the sake of touching. 

"We were closing a partnership for the winter gala," he says. "The guys were dicks, but it would help immensely with the funds, so I can't tell them to fuck off." He sighs. "Collecting money is quite stressful when you need to deal with rich pricks that are thinking about money even when the idea is the opposite." 

"Rich pricks will always be pricks," Regulus jokes. "At least it benefits the gala and will help raise money."

"I guess," he agrees. "I'm just relieved I don't need to organize the whole thing by myself or else I was going to lose my mind."

"You poor thing," he squeezes his cheeks with one hand, making James pout and look at him unimpressed. "I'm up to listen to you cursing rich guys, give me your worst." 

James laughs, but he indulges Regulus and comes up with such creative curse words he finds himself impressed with James' true gift. After he purges all of his hate by rich, corporative guys, James heats their dinner, and he acts like Regulus can't walk because he forbids Regulus to move, saying he doesn't need to do anything. Regulus complies, but just because he's really too lazy to move. 

Then, they watch two episodes of Sex and The City because it turns out, James quite likes watching women in their thirties living the life in New York in the nineties. 

It makes Regulus soft to know that James wants to consume the things Regulus enjoys, even if he doesn't particularly like much. He enjoys knowing the things Regulus likes and indulging in his little obsessions, and Regulus feels pampered when James does small things such as watch his comfort tv show with him. 

When it's late, James tells him to stay put on the sofa while he completely disappears inside of the bathroom. After ten minutes, he comes back and picks Regulus up without any explanation. 

"What was this for?" Regulus asks, already flushed. He wished he didn't enjoy James manhandling him that much. 

"I'm taking care of you," he replies easily. 

They enter the bathroom and Regulus widens his eyes, shocked, because James… prepared him a bubble bath. The scent of bergamot and flowers impregnates the room, leaving Regulus speechless. All his life, no one ever did such a nice thing to him. 

James puts his feet on the floor, and Regulus opens his mouth and closes, afraid he'll say something too cheesy if he attempts to talk. 

"I— Thank you," he breathes out. 

"Of course, love," he kisses his cheek. "Come on, let me take these off," he says, pushing Regulus' hoodie up to get him naked. 

There isn't anything sexual in the action, but Regulus finds himself shivering in goosebumps nonetheless, simply because this feels nice. Because he's touched, even if he won't say such a thing. He thinks James already knows, anyway.

Regulus is completely naked when he enters the tub, feeling all of his muscles relaxing with the hot water. James lights one scented candle, taking his trousers off and rolling his sleeves up before sitting on the edge of the tub. 

"Won't you come inside with me?" He asks him. "We can make it fit." 

"Not today," he shakes his head, smiling at Regulus and kissing his forehead. 

"So I'll simply sit here while you sit there watching me like a creep?" 

"You'll sit here and relax while I watch you, yes," he confirms. 

"You'll get bored."

"Of watching you? Never." 

Regulus feels his cheeks getting hot, but he'd rather blame the water than James causing it. 

"Then I will get bored."

"Do you want me to grab a book so I can read it for you?" He asks him. 

"No," he replies, surprised that James would do that if Regulus asked. "Just… Stay there, I guess." 

"Okay," he smiles down at him. 

Regulus soaks on the tub, letting the water soothe him, and James rubs his thumb on Regulus' nape. It's almost strange to enjoy silence as much as Regulus does with James, he likes it when he talks, of course, but there's something special in staying in silence together. 

James does spend the entire time watching Regulus, as if he can't be bothered to do anything else when Regulus is in his field of vision. Like everything else turns monotonous when in comparison to Regulus. 

Regulus is used to looks of attraction, but not looks like James',— Looks of soft, pure and soothing fondness. Something light and bright, worming its way inside Regulus' heart and making a home there. And he thinks, almost secretly to himself, that he can get used to this feeling.

"Can you speak something in Portuguese?" He asks quietly. 

"What?" James sounds surprised. 

"I like to hear your voice," he confesses awkwardly, flushing. "I don't mind the silence, but I want to hear you speak."

He knows it's an odd thing to ask, but he doesn't get to hear James speaking in Portuguese a lot and he quite likes how his voice gets huskier and seductive when he changes the language, likes his accent, the roll of the words on his tongue and how hot he sounds even if Regulus doesn't understand anything. It's like white noise, when you hear something just for the sake of it without computing what the words themselves mean. 

"In Portuguese," he adds, a little taken aback. "Even if you won't understand anything I say?" 

"I think I can understand one word or another if you speak slowly," he defends himself. "It's a Latin idiom, some words are similar in French."

"Ah, of course," he smiles amusedly. "It can be anything?" 

"Yeah," he nods slowly. "I just want to hear it."

"Alright," James agrees. He scratches his throat, making a show out of it and Regulus rolls his eyes, looking up to him and waiting. 

James starts speaking things Regulus obviously doesn't understand, but he enjoys listening. He closes his eyes, relaxes his head on the edge of the tub and lets James' voice soothe him entirely. His voice is like a lullaby, and Regulus swears he could spend the rest of his life just listening to James' voice. 

He catches some stray words like saudade, which now Regulus knows what it means, and amor which he knows means love. Regulus wonders what he's talking about, but doesn't interrupt him to ask. James keeps talking for a few minutes, until the water starts to get colder. 

"What did you talk about?" Regulus asks, curious. 

"I recited Brazilian love songs," he replies. 

"Oh," he mutters, surprised. "They sounded nice." 

James laughs at that, his eyes shining with mirth. "I can show you them later," he promises him. "Now let's get this washed off of you." 

Regulus obeys, getting up and letting the water combined with the oils and salts James used to run down his body. He can feel the heaviness of James' stare in him, and Regulus lets himself enjoy for a few seconds how much desire and appreciation James carries for him. No matter when or how, James will always look at Regulus like he's the most exquisite thing to ever exist. 

Regulus lets the water be drained, showering quickly to rinse the contents of the bath from his skin. James helps him dry himself, kissing softly parts of Regulus in between his task, and he feels each kiss like a tiny burn forever marked in each spot. On his shoulders, his collarbones, his neck. Belly, hips, thighs. Everywhere; soft kisses all over. 

"You're spoiling me," Regulus says hushedly when James rolls the towel over him. 

"Good," he kisses the tip of his nose, and the act is so gentle and loving, that Regulus feels his knees a little weak. 

It's not that they didn't have soft moments before, they did, James is usually soft and caring with Regulus, but right now, it feels different. It feels more, and Regulus can't deny the truth to himself. He's falling for James Potter. Terribly. Stupidly. Almost embarrassingly, but he is. Fast and hard. 

And it's quite scary to know that in such a short time, he managed to get so attached to James. He's confident about where this is going and what James wants with him, but Regulus always had a problem of getting too attached too fast and suffering through the end of it when things eventually blew up. Though he's not scared about his relationship with James, Regulus can admit he feels a little apprehensive about his feelings. Being open and vulnerable is hard, and Regulus was too hurt in the past to trust in his feelings openly.  It's not that he doesn't want to be in love with James, it's just that Regulus wished he could feel a little less so early in their relationship. 

James lays Regulus on the bed, completely naked and at his mercy. He goes to the bathroom to grab the massage oil, and when he returns, he rolls Regulus on the bed so his stomach is on the mattress and he has access to his back. He sits between Regulus' legs to not put his weight on him, and Regulus feels the oil being poured on his back. 

"Relax for me, love," James asks him with a husky voice. 

Regulus tries, closing his eyes and inhaling the camomile scent of the oil mixed with the lavender of the scented candle James brought to the bedroom. When James' hands are on his back, Regulus bites back a moan. He wasn't putting much faith in James, but he is good at this. He starts soothing all the knots on his muscles, rubbing his thumb on the sore spots and making Regulus' breath hitch with how good it is. 

It's almost erotic, how James' hands work on his body, like he knows every little spot of Regulus that needs to be soothed.

"Alright?" James asks him quietly, working on Regulus' shoulders. 

"Yeah," he breathes out. "It's good. Really good." 

"I'm glad," he comments amusedly. 

James' hands go down, massaging his lower back and then his ass. Regulus is not proud to admit he jerks his hips a bit when James' palms are on his ass cheeks, letting a whine escape from the back of his throat. 

"Easy, love," James laughs a bit. 

"Sorry," he mutters, trying to relax again. 

"It's okay," he reassures him, pressing deeper on the muscles of his ass. It is hurting, so the massage helps in the same proportion that turns Regulus on. 

James continues to descend his hands, massaging the back of Regulus' thighs, where it hurts most. He hisses a bit from the sting of pain he feels when James presses at his muscles tightly, his hands slipping easily with the oil, helping to ease his muscles. 

"This hurts?" He asks clinically, rubbing strongly at one point. 

"Yes," he gasps a bit. 

James hums, doing his best to massage the spot and help with the pain. His hands slip to the middle of Regulus' thighs, close to his pussy, and Regulus feels his body pulsing with the expectation of James so close. He rears to the back of his thighs, and he continues with this back and forth for a few more minutes before he goes to his calves. 

When James is almost done, Regulus is controlling his body so he doesn't start to squirm on the mattress. Turns out, having James' hands on his body while he's naked was not the best idea of relaxation. He feels himself hot all over, his heart beating fast with the promise of James' hands on him. The pain subsided a bit, so at least his massage was useful.

When he's done, he gives Regulus a soft kiss on his shoulder blade, nudging him so he turns around again, back to the mattress. 

"Better?" He asks. 

"Yeah," he nods, eyes watching James on top of him, his shirt unbuttoned, showing Regulus a trace of delicious brown skin. James reaches for a small towel he dropped on the bed, cleaning his slippery hands. "I think there's something else you could do for me, though. To make it all really good." 

"What is it?" He throws the towel back to bed. His voice is amused, like he already knows what Regulus wants. 

Regulus grabs one of his hands, lowering it through his body, starting on his chest and pulling into his lower stomach. James is looking at him rather than where Regulus put his hand on, his eyes burning and making a mess out of him already. 

"You want my fingers here, baby?" He asks him quietly, in a silky, sinful and really unfair voice, moving only one of his fingers down to graze lightly the center of his cunt. Regulus bites his lower lip, breathing heavily, and nods. "You're wet already," he lets him know.

"Please," he whispers, his voice barely heard. 

"Of course, love," James says, lowering his body to kiss the side of his neck. His lips on his skin feel like heaven and Regulus trembles. "Just relax, yeah? I got you."

James positions himself between Regulus' legs, parting them gently and laying himself on his stomach. He puts one pillow under Regulus' lower back, takes his glasses off and positions his legs on top of his broad shoulders, lowering his mouth to Regulus' cunt. No matter how many times they end up in this position, Regulus always reacts the same way. His body can never get bored of the type of pleasure James offers him, and Regulus will love it every damn time.

The noises that come out of his mouth break when let out, and Regulus' fingers get tangled in James' hair, pulling with shaky hands. His back arches from the pleasure, making Regulus forget everything about his pain, he couldn't care less about it, not when James' mouth is on him. He sucks, licks, plays with the bud until Regulus is sinking his hips lower on his face. James enters his tongue inside of his folds, finding the perfect rhythm to draw loud whimpers from Regulus. 

He doesn't know what sort of superpower James has, but he can read Regulus like no one else. What every little sound means, what to do when he pulls at his hair, what he needs when his legs begin to shake and what Regulus wants with a shift of his hips. Regulus' pleasure is something James already knows all about, and James just fucks him good. Roughly, gently or slowly, he always masters it. 

He always makes a mess out of Regulus, leaving him satisfied and wrecked. 

"James," he moans, just a few seconds before coming, his body trembling and his legs closing out of instinct with James' head in the middle. 

James doesn't stop though, eating Regulus out even when he stops spasming, making him whine with how tender his cunt feels. 

" Ah," he gasps. "James— Too much." 

He only hums against his cunt, licking everything before inserting a finger inside. Regulus is so soaked it slips easily, and James takes his mouth out of his pussy to look up at him. His pupils are wide and his face is dirty with Regulus' orgasm, but he doesn't look like he has anything to complain about. 

"I'm making you really loose and relaxed, love," he tells him, not stopping his ministrations with his middle finger. 

He yelps, body jerking with the new spot James' finger found, and he adds his ring finger next when he realizes Regulus is already folding. It causes a zip of pleasure down Regulus' spine, so sudden and strong that Regulus helplessly grabs at James' wrist, not exactly knowing if he wants him to stop or go deeper. 

"Fuck," he gasps. "James, I can't—"

"You can, baby," he tells him softly. "Do it for me?" The wet sound of his pussy being fucked by his fingers it's loud and obscene, but Regulus barely cares. "Your cunt it's swallowing my fingers so well, love," his next thrust it's rougher, going deep inside Regulus and making him cry out. "You're such a greedy, little thing, aren't you?" 

"Oh, God," he moans, feeling another orgasm building. "Keep, ah— going. Don't stop, James," he begs. 

"That's it, baby," he praises him. "Doing so good for me, like you were made to be fucked by my fingers." James kisses his cheek sweetly, the opposite of the mess he's doing with Regulus' cunt right now. His legs start to shake, his back arches more. Regulus is almost too drunk on pleasure when his orgasm eventually comes again, hitting him hard. 

It's so good that it makes his cunt spasm and his vision blurs. He's breathing heavily, his heart quick and fast and his forehead a little sweaty. But through all of it, Regulus is also feeling loose and worn out. 

"You did so good, Reg," James tells him, kissing his jaw and then descending to his neck. He feels teeth grazing at his skin, the tip of James' tongue on his collarbones, and he tries his best to catch his breath. 

"James," he says his name just for the sake of it. Voice slow and soft, still a little drunk from his orgasm. "James, James, James." 

"Eu amo quando você fala meu nome," he whispers in his ear, even if Regulus can't understand him. 

"Kiss me," he asks him.

"Anything you want, love."

And so James is kissing him, slowly and unhurriedly, the taste of his own orgasm on his tongue, and Regulus finds himself turning into a puddle in his arms. James' hard cock is pressed against his middle, making Regulus feel the need to fix it for him. 

"Can I jerk you off?" He asks against his mouth. 

"Yeah, love," he nods, nipping at his jaw. "Please."

"So polite," he teases him breathlessly. 

Regulus lowers his hands to the waistband of James' boxers, pulling it down just under his ass so his cock is free. The tip is already leaking precum, and to help it, Regulus dirties his hand with the mess leaked from his cunt to make it slippery. With his own orgasm, he starts stroking James with a tight grip, swallowing his breathy moans and soft gasps against his mouth. 

James holds his weight up with the hands positioned on the side of Regulus' head, hiding his face in the crook of Regulus' neck while he jerks him off. 

"So good," Regulus tells him with a velvety voice. "All hard and dripping for me," he says against his ear, licking the shell of it. "You deserve a reward after being so helpful to me, don't you, darling?" James bites his shoulder in response, making Regulus whine with the delicious sting of it as he squeezes James' length. "I'll make you feel good, James. So damn good," he bites his earlobe, closing his eyes at how good James smells. "Will you come for me? Make a really good mess?" 

James grunts against his skin, licking at Regulus' shoulder and rolling his hips to thrust his dick in the tight grip of Regulus' hand. 

"Bet you're wishing it was my pussy instead," Regulus whispers crudely to him. "Hot and tight for you to fuck. Squeezing your cock so hard your vision would get blurry," his strokes get faster. "Hoping I'd let you cum inside of me. All of it," he says slowly. "Watching your come dripping out of me only so you could fuck it all back again." 

It's almost magical, how James' ass clenches and his shoulders spasm, and soon after, he's coming all over Regulus' hand, some droplets dirtying his stomach. 

His entire body relaxes after he's done, and he kisses all over Regulus' neck, sucking at his pulse point in a place that's definitely visible. When he finally lets go of his weight and lies beside Regulus in the bed, Regulus licks his hand clean, humming with the taste of James. 

James gets rid of his shirt and boxers, probably dirty with cum now, hugging Regulus so their bodies are touching everywhere. 

"It's official," Regulus comments, satiated and serene after such a good orgasm, "You have a breeding kink."

James laughs against his throat, his hot breath tickling Regulus' skin, making him smile. 

"I think it's just the idea of breeding you," he jokes, sighing in contentment. 

"Freak," he comments amusedly. "You're like one of those omegaverse characters."

"What is this?" He asks confused. 

"Oh my god," he gasps. "You don't know what omegaverse is?" 

"No?" He sounds unsure. "Should I?"

"I have so many things I need to teach you," he shakes his head, patting James on the arm. "But not today. Right now, I only want to sleep like the dead."

"Same," he agrees. "I need to leave early, though."

"How early?"

"Five in the morning."

Regulus groans. "Just don't wake me and we'll be fine."

"Done," he promises. "Let me get you cleaned up." 

James gets up from the bed, even if Regulus protests, and when he comes back he cleans Regulus gently with wet wipes, then with a wet towel so his skin is not sticky. 

"I'm cold," Regulus complains. "Grab me a hoodie." James gives him one, Regulus looks at him as if offended him.

"What?"

"I want yours." 

James grins at this, naturally. He gave Regulus a drawer in his place, so Regulus did the same with him because he thought it was the ideal thing to do. With this new development, it means Regulus spends his alone days wearing James' shirts and hoodies. It's not his fault James smells that good. 

He then offers Regulus his college hoodie, which is old and weary, but Regulus doesn't care, happy now that he's smelling like James and being swallowed by his hoodie. 

"I'm taking a shower," James lets him know, kissing his forehead before he leaves the bedroom. 

Since the door is open, Nix comes inside, jumping on Regulus' bed and sitting on Regulus' chest, his weight a comforting thing. 

Regulus scratches behind his ear, sighing. "I think I'm already in love with him," he says hushedly to Nix. Nix obviously doesn't respond, but he keeps looking at Regulus with his unbothered cat eyes. "Pathetic, right?" 

Nix purrs, as if agreeing. Or maybe being against it. Hard to tell. 

"Do you think he's in love with me too?" Nix blinks, tapping his paw in Regulus' face lightly. "Not helpful, you little monster," he huffs. "I'm getting crazy. He's making me bonkers. I'm asking cryptic answers to my cat," he mutters to himself. "But he does want me, right?" He asks Nix again, grabbing his cute face between his hands. Nix meows. Regulus gives up. 

When James comes back, with hair wet and a single, torturous drop running down his naked chest, Regulus is sleepy with a curled Nix on top of his stomach. 

"I'm guessing there's no way you're moving?" James says, looking amusedly at Nix. 

"He's borrowing me for himself," he confirms. 

"I'm wounded," he jokes, going to open the drawer of the dresser. 

It shouldn't be so mouth-watering the sight of James doing something so mundane as putting his boxers on, but Regulus fears he's thirsting over him a little. 

James slips into flannel trousers and then makes his way to the bed, turning the lights off and laying in the empty space, coming closer slowly so as to not disturb Nix's sleep. 

They stay in silence for a few beats, just breathing in sync in the dark, James' warmth melting Regulus in the best way. 

"You should teach me," he says softly. 

"Teach you what?" James asks, his voice close, breath hitting his cheek. 

"Portuguese," Regulus clarifies. "You should teach me how to speak Portuguese." 

James doesn't say anything for a few seconds and Regulus can feel his body tensing a bit by his side. He starts panicking, thinking he said the wrong thing, that this is too much to ask of the guy you've been fucking for a month, but before he can tell James to forget he said anything, he says: 

"I can do that."

"Yeah?" He swallows dryly. 

"Yes," he feels James nodding. "It'll be my pleasure, love. This is a gift, actually, so thank you for asking." 

"I just want to understand you," he shrugs. "France was never a huge part of me. I'm not French, so I'm not attached to the language, but I can see you're with Portuguese. It's your family's idiom, I want to learn." His voice is almost shy, and he's glad they're in the dark so James can't see Regulus' cheeks getting hot. 

Learning Portuguese it's also learning a part of James, a part not everyone has access to. It's an entirely different universe, to know how James thinks, to understand what he says, things that can't be fully translated into another language that Regulus can understand. So yes, he'd like to know this part of James.

James doesn't reply, kissing his cheek lovingly and laying his head on Regulus' shoulder. It's heavy, but Regulus barely cares, liking the weight on top of him. 

"Eu sou louco por você."

"See, like this," he says. "I want to understand what you just said."

"And you will," he promises him. "Because I'm going to be a very good teacher." 

"I'm counting on it," he hums. "Thank you for today."

"I searched about your name, you know," James confesses. "Regulus can also mean little king."

"It can," he confirms, letting James' fingers caress his hip under the hoodie. 

"So I think it's fit for me to treat you like my little king," he nuzzles his nose on his neck. "You don't need to thank me for that, love. I'll happily worship you, you don't deserve anything less."

He feels emotional all of a sudden. Because he knows James means it. 

James knows the depth of Regulus' issues, he knows the ugliest parts of Regulus and how bad his temper can be. He knows Regulus' flaws and traumas, yet, he still thinks Regulus is worthy, and this means something to Regulus. 

Over the years, he was told he was too problematic, too much, a mess of a person people didn't want around. But for once, someone doesn't think the same. James doesn't. 

"James?"

"Yeah?" He asks softly.