Archive of Our Own ^beta

Of course this sort of shit always happens right before a mission.

Katsuki knew from day one fame and recognition would come with his job as a pro. But knowing it doesn’t mean he has to like it, and he doesn’t.

He wouldn’t trade his job or his career for anything, but he would certainly like it a bit better if it didn’t involve obsessed fans screaming their lungs out whenever they saw him out on the streets, around the agency, during patrols, anytime, anywhere. Not all his fans are intrusive, thank god, but the ones that are don’t hold anything back from getting into his personal space uninvited.

Izuku, despite being the big awkward nerd he is, surprisingly deals with these situations way better than Katsuki does. He’s nice to people, always has been, in a way Katsuki has always found more difficult and less intuitive to be. These past years, ever since they survived a literal War and graduated from school, Katsuki’s been trying to learn from Izuku how to be nicer to people – not that he’d ever admit that he’s trying to learn that from Izuku, of course not. He wants to be less crude, but he still has a reputation to maintain.

But he’s trying to learn. Watching Izuku smile to little kids who gasp when they see him makes Katsuki’s heart start beating in a way that feels different, a way he’s not used to, but that feels good. So, he tries to smile at kids who gasp at him too…

And they all end up crying, for some reason.

Izuku laughs, one day, when he witnesses such a scene. He pulls Katsuki aside towards an alley, gently telling him – and of course he’s gentle right after Katsuki’s made little kids cry – that the smile he’s giving the kids is a bit too close to a snarl. He should maybe “try softening up the edges of his smile”, “being gentler”, Izuku says.

He urges Katsuki to give it a try, telling him to think of a nice memory and see if that helps. And Katsuki does try, eager to give Izuku his best, sincerest, softest smile (again – not that he’d ever admit that aloud – he’s not an idiot.)

He thinks of that time Izuku was frowning and muttering to himself while reading a silly manga last week, and of that time Izuku called him sugoi just for bringing him takeout without him having to ask, and of that time Izuku said he was the best of the best for (begrudgingly) agreeing to rescue a kitten from a tree, and of all those times Izuku got the (annoying) song Happy Together stuck into his brain by singing it during patrol. And he smiles at all those memories, in a sincere unaltered way.

Izuku doesn’t react the way Katsuki had been expecting, though. He becomes as red as a tomato, and…

Immediately… rushes away.

Katsuki is left alone, confused, and a bit upset. What the hell did he do wrong this time? Was it still too much like a snarl? He’d thought he’d been nailing it…

Tch. Whatever. It’s not like he gives a shit, right? He was just trying to appease Izuku, for whatever goddamn reason, and it didn’t work, so that’s the end of it. He gives up on smiling at little kids after that – and at Izuku. His smile seems to send people away more than it pleases them, anyway, and he ain’t gonna waste his time on shit that he’s not good at. He needs to focus on what he’s actually decent at and improve himself from there.

Kids still try talking to him, though, even if he keeps a stern expression while signing autographs and taking pictures. He doesn’t know how to be nice and gentle like Izuku, but he can try and be at least more civil than he used to be. Izuku never offers to teach him how to smile again, and Katsuki never asks him to.

He never asks him anything. Even if his heart longs for –

No. Nope. Don’t go there. No sense in focusing on things that cannot be. Back to the present.

They’ve been assigned a mission together. That’s what he should focus on. It seems like their agency is trying hard to push that “Wonder Duo” agenda; Katsuki doesn’t really blame them. “Deku and Dynamight” sounds well together, works well together; they’re probably a dream-team in the eyes of the public. He only wishes the same could apply to Katsuki and Izuku in the eyes of –

Focus!

The goddamn mission. For some reason, their agency decides that their already ongoing partnership needs to make another partnership, probably to promote their own brand, so Ears and Shitty Hair are coming over to help them do their thing. Katsuki and Izuku are briefed about needing Jirou’s surveillance skills and Kirishima’s hardening for safekeeping, yadda, yadda, yadda, Katsuki stops listening halfway through as soon as he finds out he won’t be going alone with Izuku.

He feels petty for it. It’s a basic arrest mission, Katsuki doesn’t see why he and his literal hero partner can’t deal with this alone, but whatever. See if he cares.

He does appreciate Shitty Hair’s and Ears’ company, though, so he won’t complain (much) about it. Still, he’s certain he could have handled being alone with Izuku for a few hours without gawking and babbling and uncharacteristically embarrassing himself, and get the mission done. He knows when to not be an idiot around Izuku, he can –

Stop thinking so much about the goddamn nerd!

Ah, fuck. Truth is, Katsuki has it bad.

Ever since he’s realized, on a conscious level, that he’s caught feelings for Izuku, it’s been hard to keep his thoughts aligned when it comes to anything related to the nerd. A few months before, when he was still completely oblivious to his own emotions, everything was much easier. The mysterious bellyache he felt whenever he was around Izuku was allowed to be only that: a mysterious bellyache. Now that he’s very much aware of what he feels, he can’t pretend there are no butterflies in his stomach.

Much to his annoyance, his thoughts nowadays tend to become all jumbled up and confused whenever his brain nears the subject “Midoriya Izuku”. He hates feeling like this, like he’s suddenly been turned into a moron just because of a crush – because that’s what it is, right? A stupid crush with no relevance; it’s not like he’s in love or anything. And why is he thinking about being in love with Izuku right before a goddamn hero mission, ugh –

He needs to put those feelings securely away inside a very tiny box, wrap the box up with at least five entire rolls of duct tape, and never think of that subject ever again.

He needs to focus on the job. He can’t go around focusing only on Izuku, thinking only of Izuku. He’s on the clock. He should focus on waiting for Kirishima and Jirou while standing in front of their agency, he should focus on what he’ll do when the mission starts. What he shouldn’t be focusing on is how close Izuku is standing to him, how good he smells, and how he’s rambling about something Katsuki isn’t listening to. He should focus on… on the…

Kid… clinging to his arm?

Shit.

“The hell did you come from?!” Katsuki ends up barking. Oops. Not really gentle.

“Kacchan!” Izuku exclaims, stopping mid-rant and noticing the kid for the first time as well. Then, he whispers: “Don’t swear in front of a little kid…”

Katsuki would have blushed, if he were a different person. Instead, he barks: “Don’t tell me what to do!” And then: “What the… heck?” He corrects himself in time, not because Izuku said so! But because the kid’s father is approaching in a rush, chasing after his son.

“Sorry, Dynamight-san!” The man says, bowing apologetically at him. “He’s your biggest fan, I’m sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll get him now –”

Before the father can do anything, something strange happens. Electricity runs across Katsuki’s skin, but not in a painful way. It’s almost like an intensified shiver – and he does shiver, trembling all over for a second. Then, the kid lets go of his arm with a chant of “Dynamight! Dynamight!” and the feeling disappears as fast as it came.

The father pulls the child back. “I’m sorry for bothering you,” the man apologizes, embarrassed, as the kid keeps raising his hands while mimicking explosions. He must be around 5 or 6. “He’s really enthusiastic,” the father explains, giving him a wobbly laugh.

Katsuki stares at the kid. He doesn’t know what goes over him that makes him say: “Want a pic, right?” because it’s usually the kids doing the asking, and not him doing the offering.

(Izuku gives him a look. Katsuki, for once, misses it.)

The kid nods so hard and fast that it looks like his head will fly off. The father awkwardly positions his son back on the floor and Katsuki crouches down beside him.

“T-Thank you so much, Dynamight-san!” The father says, emotional. “We will cherish this photo forever!”

Katsuki turns to look at the kid with a blank face. “I don’t really know how to smile without scaring people away, so I won’t do it.”

The kid blinks up at him with big eyes and nods, comprehensive.

Katsuki, however, blinks back in shock, slowly realizing what he’s just said.

That was… weird. Katsuki’s not someone who’s very open at all, especially with people he doesn’t know. Especially with random kids he stumbles over on the street.

The father doesn’t wait for Katsuki to smile – or for him to even look at the camera, for that matter – and snaps a photo of the two of them, probably catching Katsuki with a very confused look on his face.

“Ah, would hero Deku mind to be in the picture as well?” The man asks a bit nervously.

The kid starts celebrating and waving at Izuku.

Before the nerd can reply, Katsuki blurts out: “Of course he won’t mind, he’s too nice to say no.”

Everything keeps happening fast. Katsuki misses, again, the concerned look Izuku sends him; the father laughs, probably thinking Dynamight is just teasing his hero partner; the kid keeps making sounds that alternate between “boom!” and “smash!”; they all pose for the photo.

Once it’s done, the father smiles and alternates between apologizing and thanking them. He picks his son back up and they both walk away with a chorus of “Bye, Dynamight! Bye, Deku!”

Katsuki stands up, a bit dazed. What the hell was this entire interaction?

“Kacchan,” Izuku approaches him again, a subtle frown on his face, as soon as the pair is gone.

Katsuki frowns back at him. He doesn’t like that look, especially when it’s aimed at him. Without his permission, his mouth says: “What did I do?”

Izuku looks taken aback – he even pales a little, as if in utter shock by Katsuki’s words. “W-What? What do you mean?”

In Katsuki’s defense, he looks equally taken aback. He pales too, despite himself. “You’re giving me that look, the ‘you’ve-done-something’ look.” Something’s wrong. He keeps blurting stuff out without meaning to.

Katsuki doesn’t know why, but most of his thoughts are just flowing out of his mouth at this point, unfiltered, and that realization makes him look scared shitless at what his brain is pulling right now. Do not think about your feelings for Izuku, under any circumstances. You can’t reveal that shit. He can’t find out like this.

Izuku gulps, seeming embarrassed, oblivious to Katsuki’s increasing internal conflict. “I – didn’t know I was doing that – I didn’t know I had a look,” he blinks frantically. “I was just going to ask – are you ok?”

Katsuki’s frown deepens. “You’re worried about me? Why?” And isn’t that the weirdest fucking question to ever ask your crush-slash-love-of-your-life-do-NOT-say-that-aloud.

He doesn’t say it, thankfully. Apparently, his control is not completely out of the window. Izuku, on the other hand, stares at him, a mixture of confusion, amusement, and concern painting his beautiful green ey– SHUT UP!

“You started acting a bit… um…” Izuku hesitates, struggling to find the proper – gentle – words. “Not… like yourself?” He shrugs.

Katsuki can’t help but to agree. He keeps saying stuff he doesn’t mean to, and this is getting dangerously out of hand.

“The kid,” Katsuki swallows dry, staring back at the direction the father and the child had headed to. “When he touched my arm – I felt some kind of electricity that made me shiver. Now I keep – saying stuff –” He struggles not to reveal too much, like that the stuff he keeps saying are his innermost thoughts. But he can’t also reveal too little, otherwise he might get in real trouble soon.

“Oh,” Izuku says, surprised. “I… I wonder if…”

“Hey, guys!” Kirishima’s voice emerges from behind them, and ain’t his timing espec-fucking-tacular.

“Hi,” Jirou greets as well, right behind him.

“Oh! H-Hi, guys!” Izuku greets back, taken aback by the sudden interruption.

Katsuki’s decided to keep his mouth shut from now on to prevent possible incidents, especially when there’s even more people to watch his possibly imminent downfall. He doesn’t know what’s happening for sure, although he has a faint suspicion, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.

“Ready to roll?” Kirishima asks, oblivious. He slaps Katsuki on the back so hard he stumbles forward.

He grits his teeth, his eyes widen with anger, but he forces himself not to say a word lest he blurt out something embarrassingly honest – too honest. Izuku is nice enough to let his weird-ass comments slide, but Kirishima is oblivious to the point he might mention something. Jirou is definitely mentioning something if she learns Katsuki’s blurting out his thoughts without a filter.

This is starting to feel like a nightmare scenario that he can’t escape from.

Izuku’s staring at him with a worried expression, but he apparently understands Katsuki’s strategy just by looking at him. There’s something evidently off, something making him say things he doesn’t mean to say, and it seems to have started only a few minutes ago. The only different thing that happened during that time span was the kid that clung to him, and little kids are well-known to have little to no control over their newly manifested quirks.

Since they don’t know the specifics of the quirk just yet, the best course of action for Katsuki right now is to keep his mouth shut to prevent from saying something he might not want to share – and to get professional help, ASAP.

Except… the second item is not an option to him. He has a mission to attend to, and like hell he’s going to drop it just because of a shitty ramble-y quirk. What’s the worst that can happen mission-wise, anyway? The worst thing that can happen to him is ending up confessing his secret feelings for Izuku, but he can manage to keep his mouth shut and get ahold of himself for a couple hours. He’s Bakugou fucking Katsuki. He can handle this. The silent, brooding persona fits him just as well as the shouting, angry one. Just don’t say anything at all and you’ll be fine. You’re not weak to the point of dropping a mission because of a kid’s quirk, c’mon.

The look Izuku is giving him is worried and questioning, as if he wants to know: Are you well enough to go through with the mission? Don’t you think it’s better if you stay back and get help?

Katsuki can feel his tongue twirling inside his forced-shut mouth, trying so, so hard to verbalize his true thoughts: Don’t patronize me, Izuku. I can’t bear it coming from you.

He’s almost sweating from the effort of staying silent, but he musters enough energy to glare at Izuku and nod briefly, curtly enough that neither Kirishima nor Jirou catches it. Izuku understands what the gesture means: Trust me. I can handle this.

Izuku worries at his lower lip, nods back. The entire interaction happens in a matter of milliseconds.

“Uh, we’re ready!” Izuku provides, then, with Katsuki’s consent. “You guys lead the way?”

“Sure!” Kirishima says, energetic as always, not a hint of suspicion on his face. “Let’s go!”

Jirou, however, gives Katsuki a pondering look while she walks past him. But she doesn’t say anything as she trails after Kirishima.

Izuku purposefully slows down his pace and stays a little behind so he can speak to Katsuki for a second, away from their friends’ ears. It seems their small no-word conversation didn’t suffice his worried brain. “Kacchan, are you sure you’re ok enough to do this? I think you should stay here and look into the kid’s quirk; I can handle our –”

And Katsuki feels like he’s going to have an aneurysm from the effort it’s taking him to keep his mouth shut. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it –

“Don’t patronize me, Izuku, I can’t –”

“What’s taking you guys so long? Come on!” Jirou calls from the distance she and Kirishima have put between them.

“… bear it coming from you.” Katsuki manages to shift his tone to an almost inaudible whisper right at the end of the phrase.

Izuku is looking at Jirou when Katsuki finishes the sentence, missing that last part. “We’re coming! Just a sec!” He waves at her and turns back to Katsuki. “I’m not patronizing you, Kacchan, I swear,” he says with the utmost sincerity, taking one hand to Katsuki’s elbow. “I’m just worried about you. It’s an unknown quirk, we don’t know how long it’ll last, or how it will affect you –”

Katsuki feels his eyes sting – not from betrayal, but from sheer anger at his own incapability at staying fucking quiet. “You don’t trust me,” his voice sounds soft, without the growl, and full of resentment. He hates it, he hates it. He feels vulnerable, like a deer caught in a trap.

And Izuku can’t know that. Kirishima and Jirou can’t know that. No one can know that. How weak and insecure he still is, truly is. He needs to be able to go on a mission and show them he can still be a hero even when under the effect of an unknown quirk.

Izuku looks shocked and horrified at his accusation, mouth hanging open for a couple seconds. He’s never seen Kacchan look so… dejected. “Of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.” He says it like he means it.

Katsuki takes a deep breath. He can’t help himself. “I trust you with my life, too.” And he barely has the mind to feel embarrassed about saying that because he knows Izuku knows it. Crush or no crush.

There’s a small pause, full of meaning. Then:

“All right. If you say you’re ok, I’ll believe you. I won’t push it. And I’ll watch your back, ok? As I know you’ll watch mine,” Izuku offers with a nervous smile that, for once, lacks some of its usual certainty.

“Yeah. Always,” Katsuki says so naturally, so sincerely, the look on Izuku’s face becomes unreadable.

Did he not like what I said?

“Did you not li–”

“Guys!” Kirishima thankfully interrupts him with a shouted sing-song voice, waving at them from the corner of the street. “Are you coming or what?”

“Y-Yes!” Izuku shouts back. Then, he spares Katsuki an inquisitive look.

Katsuki nods.

They head together to their mission.

💣💥

He should have known it would get increasingly worse.

As minutes go by, it becomes harder for Katsuki to keep his lips sealed shut, even when nobody’s talking to him. Noticing this, he opts to stay behind his friends as they head towards the criminals’ location – something uncharacteristic for him, who always makes sure to lead the way.

They certainly notice, but he’d rather weird them out than risk getting caught in conversation with one of them – ending up saying everything he thinks. Plus, they know better than to make questions about his odd behavior right before a mission.

They finally arrive at the location – an abandoned warehouse, because of course it is a cliché lair –, and he’s glad that they’ll require Jirou’s stealth capabilities. That means everyone needs to shut the hell up and stay quiet so she can tune her quirk to its finest sensibility.

Katsuki, Izuku, and Kirishima crouch behind her as she jams her jack into the wall to hear inside the building. Katsuki notices that Izuku is barely looking at him – it’s like he’s actively avoiding his general direction.

Katsuki’s gotta say: that bothers him.

It stings, truthfully, and Katsuki grits his teeth to not let anything out. This is not the time nor the place to talk – or think – or blurt his thoughts out – about this. He needs to focus on the mission.

“Dude,” Kirishima whispers at him but goes unnoticed by Katsuki.

Izuku’s probably just focused on the job; that’s why he’s not looking at Katsuki. Why should he be looking at Katsuki in the first place? Plus, he said he trusts Katsuki; Izuku’s not a liar. There’s no reason to be worried. Even if there is something to be worried about, this is not the right time or scenario. Katsuki can’t get sidetracked, neither can Izuku, neither can any of them.

“Katsuki,” Kirishima whispers more urgently, trying to nudge at his arm, but Katsuki doesn’t notice, too absorbed by his own stream of thoughts.

It’s not like Katsuki can even do anything about Izuku not looking at him for the time being. If Izuku has a problem with him, or is bothered by something – if he is avoiding to look at Katsuki for whatever reason –, then what? Katsuki can’t just confront him about it while he’s like this, or he might end up spilling everything and that’s the last thing he wants.

Just the thought of confessing his life-long feelings to Izuku – because yeah, they’re definitely life-long no matter how Katsuki keeps trying to pretend that they’re “recent” or “newly found” or whatever bullshit –, it makes him shiver all over and nearly have a heart-attack and he can’t overwork his heart like this, not after the War –

“Kacchan!” Izuku half-whispers urgently, and that’s what finally breaks him from his self-indulged trance.

Katsuki jolts and turns to look at him, only to receive a pair of weirded-out looks from Kirishima and Izuku and a glare from Jirou. She is frowning at him and her pointing finger is held up in front of her lips – a silent request for him to shush. Which is worrying, because he –

“– didn’t even realize I was muttering.”

“Shh!” The three friends hush Katsuki urgently, at the same time.

“Don’t fucking shush me,” Katsuki blurts out in a whisper. Then, a bit more serious: “Stop talking to me.” Because he can’t afford to be prompted into speaking, not right now. If he’s already making an idiot of himself without being prompted, just muttering all by himself, he can’t imagine –

“Kacchan,” Izuku whispers, approaching him and keeping his voice so, so low, Katsuki can barely hear it. He’s finally looking at him again. “You’re muttering your thoughts.”

“I know that; do you think I’m an idiot? Don’t fucking talk to me,” Katsuki manages to keep his voice low this time. “Especially you,” he pokes at Izuku’s chest. “You need to get the hell away from me before I end up saying –”

“Guys!” Jirou half-whispers, angry. “You’re not helping!”

“Sorry,” Katsuki whispers at her. At her shocked look from hearing that word coming from him, directed at her, he hisses: “Fuck.”

“What the hell is going on, man?” Kirishima approaches him as well, crouching beside Izuku and keeping his tone barely above a whisper. “The muttering act is usually a Midoriya thing.”

Izuku worries at his lower lip, unsure, eyes silently asking Katsuki for permission to share what happened. But before Izuku can blink, Katsuki blurts out: “Got hit by a quirk.”

Kirishima’s eyes widen; Izuku half-grimaces.

Katsuki, now prompted into talking, continues to ramble in a low voice: “Kid clung to me on the street, asked for a picture, I felt some weird shit like a shiver, but I wanted Izuku to see that I can be nice to little kids too, so I sucked it up and didn’t mention anything. But now I keep blurting out everything I think without a filter and, apparently, it’s coming to the point I’m muttering things to myself like a crazy bastard. I no longer need to be prompted by someone talking to me to speak my thoughts out loud, which makes me wonder about the next stage –”

“Kacchan,” Izuku is giving him that frown again.

“What did I do now?” Katsuki asks.

Izuku’s hands form fists, and he looks half-exasperated, half-terrified. “Nothing! Why do you keep thinking –”

“Better if you don’t ask him any questions, dude,” Kirishima interrupts with a half-raised hand, surprisingly the sanest of them all. “He can’t help but to answer, and we need to keep quiet right now.”

Jirou nods from behind them, seeming annoyed by the noise but sparing Katsuki a worried look. Izuku looks displeased but nods as well, approaching Jirou again as if to escape Katsuki’s presence. He goes back to not looking at Katsuki.

Katsuki feels his chest twitch in pain at that, not really knowing what he did wrong this time. He knows this quirk must be annoying as fuck from an outside perspective, but Izuku seems to be avoiding him like the plague. Is it because he said he could handle the unknown quirk but is now failing miserably? Or maybe he heard Katsuki muttering stuff about loving him? Nah, he would be all flustered if he had heard that. Or maybe frozen in panic. Or maybe frozen in disgust. Crap, did Izuku fucking hear it? Is that why he’s –

“Kats,” Kirishima nudges him gently. “You’re still… saying stuff. I can’t really understand what it is, but I keep catching ‘Izuku’ here and there, so maybe… Try to stop?” He shrugs apologetically, almost as if he knows about the pent-up feelings Katsuki’s been trying so hard to hide. Almost as if he’s trying to spare him from incoming disaster.

“I know, I can’t help it, do you have some duct tape or something that you can – shut my mouth with –” he starts scratching at his neck in discomfort. “I can’t stop rambling everything I think and why the fuck would you have duct tape anyway –”

“Yeah, I don’t have any, sorry,” Kirishima says. And then, a bit disapprovingly, but with no judgement: “You should have stayed back, if you knew about the kid’s quirk before we came.”

“If I’d stayed back Izuku would have come alone,” is Katsuki’s immediate response.

Kirishima frowns. “So what? Jirou and I would still be with him; it would’ve been ok.”

“So… you guys don’t need me? What, just because my quirk is loud you guys think I can’t do stealth missions?” Katsuki blurts, blurts, blurts, barely keeping track of what he’s saying anymore. His thoughts and his words are one and the same.

Kirishima looks shocked by the rant. “What? No –”

“I know this isn’t optimal, ok, but I can handle it, I need to handle it, I need to be strong, you guys need to know I’m strong, I need to show everyone I’m strong, I need to own what I keep saying, that I’m the best, that I’ll surpass All Might, I already failed once –”

“Katsuki, breathe,” Kirishima grabs him by his shoulders, looking more concerned than Katsuki’s ever seen him. “No one thinks you’re not strong; what are you even on about?”

Katsuki’s having trouble breathing properly. It all flows out of him. It all keeps flowing out. “I – I don’t want you guys to think I’m weak, or pathetic, or pitiful, I want you to look up to me and admire me and see me as strong and cool and – and – and – K-Kirishima, please, find a way to shut my fucking mouth before I say more shit I’ll regret,” he manages to withhold the quirk’s effect for a split second, shaking from the effort.

“Dude, I don’t know, I –” Kirishima starts looking around through his own costume as well as Katsuki’s, searching for something that could shut his mouth. “I mean, listen, we’ll definitely have to talk about everything you’re saying later, because I’m really worried you’ve been feeling like this for – what? How long?”

“Always – I’ve always felt like this, I’ve always been like this, but don’t make me talk about it, I don’t want to talk about it – and stop prompting me into answering your shitty personal questions while I’m like this, oh, my fucking god, you’ll end up making me talk about Izuku.”

Izuku looks at them upon hearing his name being spoken in a louder voice. A confused, concerned, curious, and nervous look paints his face.

Kirishima looks apologetic again, not fully understanding but desperate to help Katsuki before he gets himself in some kind of trouble. “Sorry! Sorry, I –”

“If you guys don’t shut the hell up, I swear to god –” Jirou grunts in a low voice.

But Katsuki is busy giving Izuku an apprehensive look because of what he’s said, Izuku is focused on staring right back at him, finally looking at him again but still giving him that frown, and they stay like that, staring at each other for a few moments. Izuku’s eyes are full of doubts and unspoken questions, and Katsuki feels like a bridge has just been crossed by his stupid, reckless words. His brain is having a hard time accepting that things might change for good after today, and he feels on the verge of panic.

Things might change for good between them.

Things might change and become very bad for him.

He might lose Izuku.

He might lose him forever.

He doesn’t know whether he said all these thoughts aloud or not, but Izuku quickly turns away, still frowning that stupid frown, and Katsuki’s panic slowly, but steadily, starts to increase.

Shit is going downhill faster than he’d expected.

He had thought the quirk required verbal prompting for him to say shit; he didn’t know he’d start muttering his heart out like this, or else he would have stayed back – begrudgingly, yes, but he would have, because he’s not a complete idiot. And yes, maybe he should have sat this one out, maybe he’s too weak for this, maybe he’s bitten off more than he could chew and now he’ll compromise the mission and lose Izuku.

But he had genuinely though he had this, he thought that he could do this, prove himself, show off for Izuku. Hey, look at me, I came here just to make sure you’re safe even though I’m under the effect of an unknown quirk! I can still complete a mission while I’m like this, don’t you think I’m amazing? Don’t you think I’m cool? Don’t you think I’m the best? Please think I am, please look at me, please compete with me, please love me, please please please –

“Here, here, here,” Kirishima says nervously, literally shaking – and shit, Katsuki probably said all that shit to his face, he’s not even able to tell anymore. Kirishima’s being forced to deal with this entire bullshit. Thank god Izuku is crouched further away, beside Jirou.

His friend rips one of the orange-and-black headpieces from Katsuki’s suit off and immediately shoves the thing into his mouth. “There. Bite down on that. That way you won’t be able to say anything and if you mutter, we won't understand it. Ok?” He explains, seeming worried but content with his idea. “Sorry, it’s the best I can do right now.”

The headpiece is too big, though, and Katsuki probably looks ridiculous with that shit hanging from his mouth. He can’t fight criminals like this. But for the sake of his privacy, he does try biting down on it, except it falls off his mouth in a matter of seconds. “It won’t work, it doesn’t fit my damn mouth –”

“Katsuki, dude, trust me, you better bite that back before you end up –”

“What?” He pales. It’s not like he doesn’t know he’s been messing up – for a while –, but hearing confirmation from Kirishima makes his blood run cold. “I’m ruining things with Izuku and I’m actively screwing up the mission, I know, you don’t have to say it. I made a mistake not staying back. Fuck, I want to make this better, but I don’t know how to, I don’t –”

– feel like himself; it’s like he’s like a spectator stuck in his own body, witnessing his own synapses come to life unprompted and be exposed, ruining his entire life –

“And it’s maddening, and I’m panicking internally, and I can’t show you guys that, I can’t show weakness and –

– He doesn’t know if he is –

“– also saying those thoughts aloud,” he’s panting, desperate.

“Kacchan, calm down,” Izuku has finally turned towards him again, seeming even more concerned. Katsuki loves knowing that Izuku cares about him, but he hates being a subject of his pity. Right now, he’s got that ‘I’ve-got-to-save-this-poor-victim’ look on his face, and Katsuki hates it, fears it, wants to choke on a sob because of it.

Izuku flinches, as if Katsuki’s verbalized that.

Katsuki doesn’t want to be a victim. He doesn’t want to be defenseless. He doesn’t want to be vulnerable. He wants –

“– to be strong, Izuku,” his voice breaks. He needs to be strong.

“Kacchan!” Izuku insists, desperate, because Katsuki keeps blurting, blurting, and blurting everything he’s thinking out loud and it’s becoming heartbreaking – seeing someone who always comes off as strong and confident sound so insecure. “It’s ok, you’re ok, just take deep breaths and try to stay calm, ok? You’re breathing too fast.”

“I’m sorry,” Katsuki says, air hitching in his throat, and the panic just grows and grows with each word he says. He’s no longer in control of his own body, and it’s terrifying. It seems like the quirk is also making him more sensitive to his own emotions. “I didn’t want to screw up the mission, I didn’t want to be weak –”

“Kirishima, Midoriya, calm him down, he’ll blow our cover –” Jirou pleas, but she also sounds and looks concerned. Finally turning her head and seeing Katsuki’s scrunched-up face and hyperventilating form, her expression softens – and so does her whispered voice. “Bakugou, please, try and keep quiet or they’ll find us before we even get in,” she attempts, a bit gentler, and Katsuki hates that even she took pity on him. She’s supposed to tease him, mock him, fool around with him like they usually do. It hurts to know that even she looks down on him now.

“Sorry, Jirou,” he says, and it’s so weird, hearing him call her by her name instead of the nickname ‘Ears’; it’s so weird hearing him say ‘sorry’ to her. “Sorry, fuck, I can’t stop it, I should leave and go back before I fumble it even worse, but then you’ll guys know how weak I fucking am and –” He takes one shaking hand to his mouth and bites down at it, hard, hard enough to draw blood, in the hopes that it will stop him from talking more, unlike the headpiece did.

“Kacchan!” Izuku exclaims as a thin trail of blood starts running down Katsuki’s arm from where he’s biting. Izuku has a horrified look on his face that makes Katsuki feel a bit nauseous, and he’s still not looking at Katsuki properly. Instead, his eyes are on Kirishima. “Red Riot, please take Kacchan back to the agency and try to track the kid who did this. Maybe he can undo the quirk’s effect –”

“But if I leave then you’ll will be here alone,” Katsuki says, muffled, around his hand, continuing to talk non-stop, as if he wasn’t actively biting down on his own flesh in desperation. “Jirou will be alone, and I can’t leave you guys unprotected just because I’m weak and pathetic, I need to stay here and undo this mess I’m making, I need prove I still can do this, I need to make things better with Izuku before he fucking hates me forever –”

“Kacchan –”

“Dude, you’re hurting yourself –” Kirishima gently pulls Katsuki’s bloodied hand away from his mouth.

“– because there’s no way he won’t hate me when he finds I fucked up an entire mission just because I’m stupid and insecure and so, so in love with him.”

Everyone stops.

His three friends are staring at him with equally shocked faces. Kirishima looks like he failed a very personal mission, Jirou looks like she can’t believe what’s happening, and Izuku… He looks as pale as death, as if the floor has been swiped off his feet.  

Not flustered.

Not a good sign.

Katsuki can no longer look at them, hyperventilating. His heart aches at the horrified expression on Izuku’s face; he knows his confession was the furthest thing from optimal but still… Izuku looks… He looks…

Katsuki lowers his head and grabs at the fabric of the uniform covering his chest. He starts rubbing at the scars above his heart as hard as he can, as if trying to soothe a physical injury. And it does hurt like a physical injury. So much so, he can’t help but to finally, finally let out a sob – full of frustration, anger, desperation, and confusion.

“Fuck,” he groans, heartbroken, anxious. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I was trying so hard not to say it, since this all started – I didn’t want to say it, not like this, I wanted the first time I said it to be special! But deep down I knew, there wouldn’t be a first or a second or any time for me to say it. I never planned to say it. You don’t – won’t – can’t love me back, of course not, I was so cruel to you, I’ve always been cruel to you, I’ve hurt you, I know I apologized and we got to better terms but that doesn’t erase all the shit I did to you in the past, all the shit I said to you – I fucking told you to kill yourself for being quirkless, for fuck’s sake!”

Kirishima and Jirou stare at Katsuki with horror growing in their shocked faces. Katsuki’s eyes widen in further terror.

“Shit – I – I didn’t mean to say that; you’re not supposed to know – fuck!” He exclaims, grabbing at his hair with both hands and curling into himself. “Fuck! Now you’ll hate me too – and with good reason; I was – I am – such a piece of shit. I didn’t want you to know, I didn’t want you to think less of me, I didn’t want you to stop admiring me if you knew about the bully I was – am – have been, was, I don’t even fucking know anymore, I’m – D-Don’t hate me, I never say it much but I like having you around, I can’t lose you too, so please don’t fucking hate me –”

“D-Dude.” Kirishima is the one who finally moves into action, wrapping Katsuki’s trembling form with one comforting arm even if he, himself, is still shocked by the stream of words flowing out of his friend’s lips. He tries to aid Katsuki back to his senses, rubbing his back.

Jirou, on the other hand, has her mouth still hung open, while Izuku beside her is as pale and as still as a statue. His wide eyes are full of tears, and it’s like he’s been paralyzed by a quirk from how utterly unmoving he is. In that moment, the four of them have all forgotten about what their priority should be – the mission –, too focused on their friend’s pained words.

“Kats, it’s ok, you just gotta breathe for us and stop being so hard on yourself, ok?” Kirishima is saying in a low, comforting voice, doing a good job at keeping the tremble away from it. “Nobody here hates you, we just all need a while to gather our thoughts –”

“Izuku’s a fast thinker, I always hated to admit it, but he is, his brain is like a computer,” Katsuki can’t help but to praise, shaking, voice constricted. “He’s already had time to gather his thoughts. And he’s got that look on his face because he’s understood what I said, and he’s disgusted by it, it’s the only explanation –”

“No one’s disgusted by anyone,” Kirishima tries to say, but Katsuki keeps ranting over his words.

“– and I love him so much it hurts to be rejected like this, especially because now I’ll lose his friendship too, I’ll lose all of him, forever, all because of a stupid kid with a stupid quirk who couldn’t leave me be; all because I didn’t keep my distance right away so I could show off for Izuku, to show I can be nice to kids too, to show I’m as good as him; all because I’m too insecure to go back for help and let him come alone in a mission, because he might realize that, hey, he doesn’t need me, he doesn’t have to keep me around, I’m probably just decoration in comparison to –”

“Kacchan!” Izuku finally reacts, but Kirishima cuts him off before he can continue.

“Katsuki, you’re not making any sense. You gotta stop saying this stuff, man –”

“Then knock me the fuck out, Eijirou” Katsuki starts to beg in between devastating sobs, voice hoarse and breaking at the edges – a request he feels like he should have made long ago. “I can’t lie right now, so I’m not joking – please, just knock me out, get me away from here, from him, from you, I can’t fucking do this anymore, I can’t stop, make it stop, make it stop, it fucking hurts, why does it feel like my heart is – about to give out again?” He’s panting.

“Kacchan, what are you feeling? What’s wrong with your heart?” Izuku asks, sounding desperate.

“It’s – breaking,” Katsuki says through gritted teeth and sounds like he’s hating every second of it. He can’t help himself.

“G-Guys, c-can you – Kirishima, help him out of – I – I don’t know…” Jirou tries, seeming concerned about Katsuki’s increasingly unsteady state. “Midoriya, talk to him, calm him –”

A sudden noise in her jack interrupts her, making her flinch. Those few moments of distraction were enough to pull her away from her surveillance duty, and now…

“Shit!” She exclaims, suddenly frightened.

“W-What is it?” Kirishima questions from where he’s trying to comfortingly hug the still sobbing, muttering, and hyperventilating Katsuki, unsure of what to do. He wouldn’t hurt his friend by knocking him out; the better option would be to guide him back to the agency and figure out what to do from there, with no need for the use of violence. But Katsuki is so distraught and completely out of it that Kirishima doesn’t know –

“We’ve got incoming!” Jirou says, no longer bothering to whisper – an indication of the gravity of the imminent threat. She turns to look straight at them, brow scrunched. “Red Riot, get ready to –” She flinches again, taking a hand to her ear. Her eyes widen. “Crap, no time, everyone, get down –!”

And Katsuki’s still hyperventilating, still going through what is possibly the worst day of his life. He’s still heartbroken and angry and frustrated and anxious, but at heart, deep down, in his core, he still is – always has been – a hero. He doesn’t know what’s incoming, he doesn’t know what they should take cover from, but Ears sounds afraid. His most sincere wish is to protect her – protect all of them.

Katsuki’s thoughts flow at a thousand kilometers per hour, and they come out of his mouth so fast and jumbled that they don’t make sense in that split second that passes between Jirou announcing the threat and him jumping into action.

Kirishima can harden himself, which means he’s the safest of them, but Izuku and Jirou can’t. They’re the ones standing closer to the warehouse, which seems to be the source of whatever attack is about to fall upon them. Katsuki can’t harden either, but he needs to prioritize those he loves.

Everything happens at once.

Katsuki shrugs away from the supportive half-embrace Kirishima has him stuck on and throws his friend back to the floor with one hand, knocking him down and shouting “Eijirou!”. Katsuki hopes that the call of his name will convey the instruction he needs to give – activate your quirk.

He then jumps at Izuku and Jirou, knocking them, too, down on the floor and throwing himself above them to shield them. At the same time, an object flies out of the warehouse’s window in an arc.

In slow motion, before the object collapses with the floor, Katsuki hugs his two friends close to protect them. Kirishima finally catches up with Katsuki’s actions and hardens himself, trying to get to his feet and close the distance between them – meaning to serve as a more effective human shield than Katsuki.

Before he can do that, the object – an enhanced stun grenade – falls on the floor in the direction of Katsuki and Jirou – Izuku happens to be luckily tucked further away, on Katsuki’s other side.

Kirishima yelps and jumps towards them, one hand outstretched in their direction. Jirou gasps and flinches, squeezing her eyes shut. Katsuki covers Jirou’s head with one arm, pulling her smaller frame closer to his chest, and turns his unprotected face away, shutting his eyes as well. Izuku squirms under Katsuki’s other arm, unable to see what the object is or to do anything to protect his friends as well. This all happens in one second.

“Kacch–!”

The stun grenade goes off.

In the end, it’s first Katsuki, the most exposed, and then Jirou, who take the worst of the blow. Kirishima is thrown back mid-jump right before he manages to reach the trio, hitting a tree hard, but coming out unscathed because of his hardening quirk. Izuku is also thrown several meters back alongside Katsuki and Jirou after the explosion, becoming very much disoriented, but he doesn’t fare as badly as his two friends who were in front of him.

Because Katsuki and Jirou have been knocked unconscious and are splayed on the floor with askew limbs when Izuku gets his footing back. Izuku notices Kacchan is somehow still half-resting atop Jirou’s smaller body protectively, one arm stretched towards her head.

And Izuku has no time to think; no time to check on them. Villains start to approach with guns and battle-focused quirks from all sides. Pro-heroes Deku and Red Riot need to ensure their friends’ safety and the criminals’ arrest. They need to fight back. They need to get their friends help before something worse happens.

But the stun grenade was not a normal brand, and a thick purple smoke is emanating from it on the floor, leaving a soft lilac mist in the air. Izuku and Kirishima only manage to use One For All and Hardening for a few moments into the fight before their quirks are suddenly suppressed. Kirishima loses his hardening right before getting sucker punched, blood spurting from his nose in an ungracious arc. Meanwhile, Izuku loses Float mid-air and collapses harshly with the floor.

They don’t give up, though, wanting to protect their fallen friends even without quirks, and they keep trying to fight off the swarm of villains that surround them – the very criminals they had come to arrest in this failed stealth mission. Their organization became well-known for adapting stolen quirk-suppressant medication into tactical gear and trafficking it, which makes it no wonder that they used this very tool against the heroes who came for their arrest. But their mission had been supposed to be stealthy; precisely so that the criminals didn’t have a chance to use their gadgets on them. They were never supposed to make noise; they were never supposed to get caught.

None of this was ever supposed to happen, Izuku thinks.

More villains pull up at the scene with guns pointing at the four of them. When they grab the unconscious Katsuki and the now dazed Jirou, pointing guns at their heads and yelling threats, Izuku and Kirishima are given no choice but to throw their hands up in the air and surrender, turning themselves into the villains’ hands.

The four of them are captured, Izuku and Kirishima being led inside the warehouse with guns poking at their backs while Katsuki and Jirou are dragged across the floor carelessly, as if they’re nothing but sacks of potatoes.

💣💥

Katsuki wakes up feeling dizzy and disoriented.

His ears are ringing – one more than the other, which he finds very annoying. He can’t remember where he is, but he knows it’s definitely not his apartment, given the fact that his hands are tied behind his back and that he feels like he’s been trampled several times over. His head hurts and throbs with a vengeance with every pump of his heart, and there’s a wet feeling coming from inside one of his ears – the one that’s ringing the most.

He tries and finds out he can remember bits and pieces of what had happened before he woke up here. He’d been on a mission with Izuku, Kirishima, and Jirou; before that he’d been hit by that annoying-as-fuck quirk… He’d been rambling his ass off during stakeout, Jirou had been doing some surveillance and complaining… Right? But then… then…

He can remember lots of annoying ass blabbering coming from him; Kirishima shoving his orange-and-black headpiece into his mouth to shut him up before he said more things he’d regret… He remembers feeling anxious and frustrated, and Izuku ignoring him for whatever reason, Jirou scolding him for not shutting up, before –

Ah, fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Katsuki opens his eyes and looks around, trying to see where he is, see anything or anyone familiar, but it’s all spinning. He can’t tell up from down, let alone find Izuku like this. Nausea hits him like a truck – he closes his eyes again and wills the planet’s rotation to stop going so fucking fast.

After a few seconds, he opens his eyes again; everything is still spinning, but not as viciously as it had been a moment ago. His head’s throbbing has increased by a tenfold, though. He doesn’t get to make much sense of where he is or who’s with him before –

“The princess is finally awake! D’you have a nice beauty sleep?” An unknown gruffy voice calls. Katsuki presumes said ‘princess’ is supposed to be him and suppresses a growl at the nickname.

But apparently, he doesn’t suppress it very well, given the following: “Oh, careful! She bites!”

He then snarls. “Cut those ropes, gimme a fair fight – I’ll show you how well I fuckin’ bite,” Katsuki tries to threaten, but his voice comes out hoarse and slurry, much to his resignation. He’s been concussed before, and this feels like it might be it.

“Yeah, you’re definitely concussed, puppy,” the same voice teases.

Fuck, did Katsuki say those shitty thoughts aloud again? Is the quirk still in effect? Can this nightmare not fucking end, even with a goddamn concussion? Wasn’t the concussion supposed to reset his brain and make this shit stop –

“Thankfully, you seem to be talkative, despite the image you sell to the public,” the voice ignores his muttered rant and continues talking. “Though I don’t always understand what you’re rambling about. I’ll blame it on the concussion.”

Katsuki’s blood runs cold. If this guy thinks he’s a talkative person, rather than being momentarily talkative, that means he doesn’t know about his quirk incident. That’s a pro. Which leaves only a con: just by thinking about it, Katsuki is currently telling this guy of the quirk incident because he has no fucking filter anymore.

“A truth quirk? Shit, it’s our lucky day, boys!” The man with the gruffy voice sounds amused.

Boys? So, there’s more people in the room? And where the fuck are Izuku and the others? Blinking and swallowing forcefully a few times, Katsuki can finally attribute an abstract shape to the blurry mess in front of him. It’s hard, and his vision keeps swimming and becoming double; Katsuki can’t see if there’s actually more people in the room. He can’t even make out this idiot’s ugly face. Why can’t he see shit?

“Because your pretty head was a little bit too close to our special grade stun grenade when it went off,” Gruffy Voice explains before Katsuki can even compute that everyone around him can basically read his mind for the time being. “Don’t worry, it’ll come back to ya.”

His own quirk seems to be inactive when he tries to summon it to free himself and put an end to this bullshit. The effect of the kid’s quirk, on the other hand, is somehow still there, and isn’t that just his luck? Not only is Katsuki still being forced to say everything he thinks, but his brain has been half-turned into mashed potato because of the stun grenade. This string of events is becoming twice as hard to keep up with.

“This concussion is a downer, since you’re not making much sense,” Gruffy Voice continues, sounding genuinely sorry he can’t see a captured Dynamight in his full glory. “But on the bright side, you can tell me whatever I want to know, so I won’t complain.”

“I’m not saying shit,” Katsuki blurts out, slurring. At least the concussion is making him dumb; he can be thankful for that. He can only say what he’s thinking – and he isn’t thinking straight.

Well, he’s never thinking straight when it comes to Izuku, at least.

There’s a beat, then all the criminals in the room laugh. It’s a scornful laugh, a laugh that makes him feel disgusting and ashamed of himself; it makes him feel small and insignificant. It’s the same sort of laugh he used to aim at Izuku back when they were kids; the laugh that was made to diminish him and make him feel inferior because he was quirkless.

(Katsuki suddenly feels even more trashy for that, for ever making Izuku feel the way he’s feeling right now – despised, scorned at. Maybe that’s why Izuku won’t love him, ever. And maybe that’s just what Katsuki deserves.)

“Ooh, someone’s in love!” A new voice, further behind in the room, teases. “Who would know pro-hero Dynamight would be so sappy!”

“All that tough-guy act was to hide this?” Another voice mocks. “I’m disappointed, man.”

“What does pro-hero Deku have to say on that matter? Oh, wait, I forgot you’re a little caught-up in the moment!” Gruffy Voice mocks.

Muffled noises coming from somewhere beside him finally filter into Katsuki’s brain; sounds of struggle and of chains clanging together that had been background noise to his concussed brain. He immediately becomes alert and turns to look at the direction of the sound, seeing the blurred shapes of Kirishima, Jirou, and Izuku.

They’re sat up on the floor side-by-side and chained to a wall by what Katsuki presumes to be the same quirk-cancelling cuffs that are binding him. Their mouths are covered by duct tape, and Izuku is the one making most of the noise, trying to say something Katsuki wouldn’t be able to understand even if hadn’t been concussed. He’s kicking and struggling hard against his restraints, but it’s all for nothing. The cuffs don’t give.

Katsuki blinks at the three of them, confused.

“Eyes on me, pup,” Gruffy Voice instructs, and he grabs Katsuki’s chin to force his head to turn towards him. Katsuki glares at the demeaning nickname. His lazy eyes find the man’s face and finally manages to focus on it.

Katsuki scowls. That’s one ugly motherfucker. Typical-looking quirk-trafficker: he didn’t even bother to look original at least. Katsuki can’t wait to free himself and kick this guy’s –

The man slaps him. Katsuki huffs, eyes wide. His head’s fucking exploding, and his vision blackens for a second before it comes back.

“That quirk’s making you a yapper,” the man growls, clearly annoyed. “Consider yourself lucky, because that’s the only reason…” he pulls his gun and places it against Katsuki’s forehead. “… I’m not killing you for whatcha just said.”

Izuku starts making desperate muffled noises again, this time accompanied by Kirishima and Jirou. And all Katsuki can think is Fuck, no, not in front of them, because Kirishima is his best friend, he’ll never live down having to watch Katsuki get brutally murdered; Jirou is very dear to him, even if he doesn’t verbalize it much, and he wouldn’t want to make her watch that either; and Izuku…

Izuku might not love him back, might never love him at all, but they’re still more than just friends, they still have history, and Izuku is the nicest guy in the entire world, nicer than Katsuki deserves – he would never forgive himself if he was forced to watch Kacchan get killed – again – without being able to stop it. Even after everything Katsuki’s said. Even if he’s mad as hell at Katsuki right now.

Izuku starts screaming something unintelligible from beneath the duct tape, and the criminal pointing the gun at Katsuki laughs again. Katsuki fucking hates the sound of it. “He really can’t help himself, look at that! It’s cute!” He exclaims.

They keep making fun of him. God, Katsuki feels so humiliated. He wants to curl up into a tight ball of rage and hatred and blow these men up into tiny little pieces until there’s nothing left – of them, of him.

“You won’t get to do, that, kiddo,” the man gives him a look of pity that makes him sick. He draws the gun back, putting it away, and crouches down in front of Katsuki, seeming patient. “You see, I don’t want much. I was going to question you the same way I questioned them while you were taking your beauty sleep – threats of torture, blackmail, you get the gist of it. But since you’ve been hit by a quirk that makes you say everything you think, all I need to do is make you think about what I want to know. I don’t have much time before your hero backup inevitably arrives, so…”

Ooookay. He’s not doing that.

With the concussion, Katsuki finds it easier than usual to will himself not to pay attention. After all, he’s always been a pro at not giving a shit when he’s not interested. So, he turns to stare at his friends while the man speaks – and their forms are starting to become clearer to him, less blurry.

He’s trying to see if they’re injured, trying to figure out a way he can get out of this so he can set them free, and they can defeat those D-listers together. But it’s hard to think and strategize with such a shitty concussion, and he can’t really make sense of his own thoughts anymore from the speed they keep flowing through his head, but…

His eyes find Izuku’s, and he looks more worried than Katsuki’s ever seen him. He keeps struggling against his restraints and making desperate, helpless noises. Kirishima and Jirou are sitting more quietly, watching him, even if they keep squirming every now and then. But Izuku – god, he looks beautiful even while captured and trapped, hair all disheveled, the righteous fury of a thousand angels engraved in his eyes. Katsuki doesn’t know who he’s angry at – at the criminal threatening Katsuki or at Katsuki himself for getting them all into this mess, but either way, he’s never looked so –

Another slap to his face. Harder, this time. He sees stars for a few seconds and tumbles to the side; Gruffy Voice needs to grab his shoulder and straighten him back up against the column he’s been chained to.

“Stop with the fucking lovesick yapping and pay attention to what I’m saying!” The man orders, no longer patient – furious.

“I’m concussed, you dumb motherfucker,” Katsuki spits out, words still a bit slurred but much more comprehensible now – and completely sincere, on the top of it. “I don’t think you know how concussions work. Even if I wanted to, how the fuck am I supposed to pay att–”

One more slap. Katsuki’s ears ring more. He becomes dizzy again.

“All right, then!” The man grunts and grabs Katsuki’s face, squeezing his cheeks together. The action hurts his head, and it makes him groan in pain. “Either find a way to pay attention or I’m blowing your Loverboy’s brains out so hard that they’ll scatter all the way up to your feet. So how about you spare darling Deku’s life and fucking listen?!” He forcefully lets go of Katsuki’s head, standing back up and kicking him on his midsection.

Katsuki coughs and groans, but he couldn’t give less of a shit about his own pain right now, even with Izuku’s muffled screaming in the background.

Because his eyes widen and his blood freezes in his veins. Fuck. No, not Izuku, they – fuck, he was so fucking weak, a goddamn idiot, he kept ranting about his feelings for Izuku and now they know, they’re going to kill him because they know he’s his weak-spot. And it’s all Katsuki’s fault, because he’s pathetic and he fumbled the mission, he fumbled a lot of things, and he got them all captured –

“You know what? The kid’s a fucking mess, god damn it,” Gruffy Voice complains, rubbing a hand on his face. “Go ahead and get this on camera. This is going to do numbers on that villain’s dark web thing, maybe we can at least get something out of this shitshow,” he instructs someone.

There’s some shuffling, then one of the crooks points their phone camera at Katsuki.

“The great Dynamight, ladies and gentlemen!”, Gruffy Voice announces sarcastically. “All bark, no bite! Just a lovesick puppy who yaps and yaps and yaps, cries like a damn baby, and has no functional brains to show!” He kicks Katsuki’s midsection again.

He coughs and groans as a reaction, bent forwards in discomfort. The camera gets closer to his face; the criminals start laughing again.

But Katsuki still can’t focus on that, no matter how desperate he is to make the humiliation stop. He can’t afford putting his mind into the laughing at this point, no matter how much he utterly hates it and despises it, because Izuku’s life is in danger, Kirishima’s and Jirou’s lives might get targeted next, and it’s all his fault. Because he was too proud to drop the mission and seek help, too worried to let Izuku go alone, too boastful to keep himself from showing off to Izuku, so maybe he could impress him, so maybe he could make him see him, and he was too in love to bear being away from Izuku, and he keeps saying that aloud, he keeps saying it all right at the fucking camera, he can’t stop, and these men are – they’re fucking laughing at him and filming him and he keeps ranting, he can’t stop, this is a nightmare, it must be, a special part of Hell designed just to torment him, and they’re capturing everything he says –

“It’s not a nightmare,” Gruffy Voice promises in between laughs, but in a moment, he becomes serious again. “But it can become one if you don’t tell me what I want to know.”

He slowly crouches down in front of Katsuki again, giving him a very serious, very honest, very menacing look. “Because oh, I wasn’t going to kill any of you today until you started to annoy me. And I suppose… I suppose I will really enjoy being the one who finally puts an end to pro hero Deku, you know? To be the one who will finally put a bullet right in the middle of those annoyingly big, green doe eyes?”

Katsuki snarls, eyes wide, surging forwards to jump at the man but being held back by his restraints. “You fucking do that, and I’ll fucking kill you!” Katsuki shouts, angry and desperate and anxious and humiliated. “I swear on my life, you lay a single greasy-ass finger on Izuku’s hair, you as much as breathe near him, I’ll –”

“You’ll do what?!” The man yells at his face. “Cry and sob about how much you loved his… what was it? Eyes with the righteous fury of a thousand angels? Hah!” The man laughs, followed suit by all the other villains in the room – again.

Katsuki recoils like a wounded animal, breathing hard, but still snarling ferociously.

“Look at yourself, Dynamight. You’re in no position to act all tough with us – with anyone – after the scenes you’ve been pulling since you arrived. I think you need to be reminded of your place… You, come here,” Gruffy Voice gestures at the man who is holding the phone that’s filming Katsuki’s humiliation.

The man obeys and approaches them further. Gruffy Voice stands up once more, then places his hands on his hips in a pensive manner.

Katsuki is sweating buckets at this point, and he can feel the back of his head bleeding steadily, but there’s nothing he can do about either of those things – he can’t staunch the bleeding, and he can’t use his sweat at the moment. His desperation increases as the camera approaches him further.

“Now, Dynamight, let us see. What does pro hero Deku mean to you?” Gruffy Voice asks like a teacher would ask a student.

Katsuki bites on his lower lip so hard he can taste something metallic in his tongue. The phone’s camera is right on his face, now, capturing all the blood, the useless sweat, the fresh tears, the red eyes, the flushed face. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it –

“He’s everything,” Katsuki ends up blurting out, squeezing his eyes shut so that he doesn’t have to face the camera. “He’s everything to me, he’s the first person I ever loved. The only person I’ll ever love.”

Some of the criminals coo mockingly.

“And if he were to be killed?” The criminal boss continues.

“I’d kill whoever killed him and then I’d die too.” Katsuki doesn’t hesitate.

“Aww, how sweet!” Someone from the back jests.

“So, he’s your biggest weakness? If I were to, let’s say, plan your downfall… All I’d have to do is capture Deku and you’d come running to his rescue like the good little lapdog you are?”

“I’m not a lapdog,” Katsuki barks, eyes still shut and becoming moist. “But I’d never let anyone hurt him and come out of it unscathed.”

“And in that scenario? If I were to offer you a deal? Let’s say I capture Deku and tell you to turn yourself in in exchange for his life?”

“I wouldn’t blink twice before agreeing,” Katsuki feels warm, fat tears escape his squeezed-shut eyes and roll down his red cheeks which are burning from shame. He’s desperate at his own incapacity at shutting the fuck up. He’s literally telling an entire network of villains his greatest fears and vulnerabilities like they’re nothing while that guy films it. Katsuki’s never living that down. Katsuki’s never getting over what’s happening.

His life is ruined. His career is ruined. His pride, his ego, his image, his friendship with Izuku, his friendship with Kirishima and Jirou. Everything. Everything is ruined.

“Yes,” the criminal nods, almost pitiful. “And if you don’t want it to get even more ruined – if you don’t want Deku to die –” Katsuki opens his eyes in time to see him point his gun at the struggling Izuku and keep holding him at aim. “You’re going to put a little effort into paying attention and tell me what I want to know. Deal?”

“What the hell is it you want to know anyway?” Katsuki barks out in anger, nervous because of the threat. “I don’t have any classified information; I’m just a pro, I don’t do the planning! I don’t own –”

“I want to know who found out about our hideout and who decided to go through with this silly little mission,” he criminal interrupts. “So that I can put a bullet in that person’s head in retaliation.”

Katsuki breathes heavily. The room goes so silent that a pin hitting the ground would be heard by all present.

“You see, my operation’s gone to shit now, no easy way to put it,” the man continues. “There’s no recovering from it at this point. And while it was a profitable business, I’m sad to see it go, etc. etc.… I have other businesses that are also profitable. So, in truth, this is only a matter of honor. Someone dared to aim at me, and I want to know who that was. Who had the gall. You see, we don’t want no trouble with pro-heroes. We’re ready to flee and leave you four alone as soon as you give me a name, before the other pros – who are certainly already on their way, given how long you’ve been here – get here. I want to know who uncovered our business, so I can punish them and show the market – and the agencies – that no one can pull the rug from my feet and come out of it with no retaliation.”

Katsuki’s starting to hyperventilate again. His head hurts so much. He needs to think of something, immediately. He needs to do something. He can’t reveal that the person they’re looking for – the person they want to kill – is… is…

Nope. No. He needs to think of something else. Anything else. Anything but the name. Anything but the name! Katsuki’s not carrying that person’s death on his shoulders. He needs to be strong, stronger.

“It’s no use, kid,” Gruffy Voice sighs, losing his patience again. “Just give up the name and I’ll leave you all alone. I’ll leave Deku alone.”

Katsuki can’t give up the name. Katsuki can’t even dare think of the name. He urgently needs to think of something else. Something very distracting. Something that overtakes all his thoughts. Something that overtakes all rational thought.

He’s reminded of that stupid song Izuku insists on singing during their patrols and lunch breaks. A song so utterly annoying and earworm-y, Katsuki couldn’t help but to learn it despite his best efforts.

Because Izuku keeps singing it. So annoying. So endearing.

“I… I… Imagine…”

“Yes, kiddo?” The criminal encourages.

“Imagine… me and you…”

“What?” Gruffy Voice frowns, confused.

“I do… I think about you day and night… it's only right… to think about the boy you love and hold him tight… so happy together…”

Kirishima, Jirou, and Izuku stare in shock. None of them, not even Izuku, had ever seen Katsuki sing, ever. The fact that he’s concussed, bleeding, tied to a wall, red-eyed from crying and still under the effect of that quirk just makes the image more surreal – and worrying.

The criminal group stares in equally stunned silence.

“If I should call you up… invest a dime… and you say you belong to me, and ease my mind… imagine how the world could be, so very fine… so happy together…”

Gruffy Voice looks very displeased; a vein starts popping at his temple. “I’m not playing games with you, Dynamight. You just revealed to me your greatest weakness. Either give me what I want, or I’ll make sure I have one bullet not just for Deku’s head, but for Red Riot’s and Earphone Jack’s as well.”

Katsuki squeezes his eyes shut. That can’t happen, that can’t happen. He takes a deep breath. He needs to silence himself.

No way out of it.

He slams the back of his head on the wall behind him several times.

“I can't see me!” Bang, “Lovin' nobody but you!” Bang, “For all my life!” Bang, bang, bang.

“Holy shit, he’s fucking nuts!”

“He’s gonna fucking off himself!”

“When you're with me!” Bang, “Baby, the skies'll be blue!” Bang, “For all my life!”

“Are you getting this on camera? Holy fuck, man!”

Katsuki’s three friends start yelling nonstop from beneath their duct tapes, struggling against their restraints and desperate to put an end to Katsuki’s self-inflicted agony. They know why he can’t give up the name, but it’s still painful to watch him resort to such desperate measures.

“You stop this right now, boy!” Gruffy Voice is shouting. “I’ll kill – I’ll kill –!”

“Boss, he’s gonna die like this!” Someone warns. The wall of the column behind Katsuki is painted with his blood.

Gruffy Voice hesitates for a moment before finally making a call. “Get him away from there and hold him down before he damages himself!”

Katsuki’s slurring at this point and his movements are becoming sluggish and slower. He’s struggling to keep track of his own thoughts; he can barely remember what they’d been talking about… His concussion has certainly been worsened by a tenfold. All he knows is he can’t lose track and end up saying something he shouldn’t, so he needs to focus on singing… the annoying song…

“M-Me ‘n you…” Bang, “‘n you ‘n me” Bang, “n’matter how… they toss th’ dice…” Bang, “It had to be” Bang, “th’ only one for m-me is you…” Bang, “‘n you for me…” Bang, “s’ h’ppy together…”

Someone unchains his sluggish form from the column, and he topples to the side. The person grabs Katsuki to straighten him up and pull him away from the wall, but Katsuki takes that chance to bite their arm, hard.

The person yells and lets go of him on reflex, which is the opening Katsuki needed to throw himself at Gruffy Voice, despite the concussion, the dizziness, the blurry vision, and the overwhelming pain he’s feeling. He nearly misses but manages to hit him on the arm; it’s enough to send them both tumbling down to the floor.

Gruffy Voice’s gun goes off as he collapses, but the bullet thankfully hits the wall that is now painted in Katsuki’s blood. Katsuki knees the criminal in the groin while they struggle for the gun, and while the man oofs in pain, Katsuki manages to grab the weapon.

His quirk isn’t back yet, usually it takes a while for quirks to return after being suppressed by medicine or by special cuffs. So, he points the gun at Gruffy Voice, swaying on his feet and vision coming in and out of focus.

“Let’em go,” he slurs, nodding at the direction of his friends.

Gruffy Voice smiles wickedly. “You’re not killing me. You’re a hero.” He says the word like it’s an insult.

Katsuki points the gun closer at Gruffy Voice. “Ya threatened m’ friends. Ya threatened Izuku. Maybe I won’t kill ya, but I definitely will shoot ya.”

That’s all he needs to say to live up to his threat, really.

Gruffy Voice nods at some random criminals to let the three heroes free. Katsuki doesn’t look at them; he’s too busy making sure Gruffy Voice is never out of his aim, no matter how faint he increasingly feels. The other criminals that had been pointing their guns at him lower them upon a hand gesture from their boss, who doesn’t doubt that the crazy-eyed, concussed, and humiliated Dynamight might actually go through with his threat.

Nobody’s filming him anymore.

A commotion is then heard outside – perfect timing –, and just as Izuku is being released from his restrains by the criminals, pro-heroes and police officers arrive at the scene, invading the warehouse. Katsuki breathes out in relief at the sight of them, but it’s only when all the criminals have been made to lay down on the floor with their hands behind their heads that he finally relaxes.

Relaxing turns out to be not good, since his limbs go completely lax. The gun drops from his now limp hand. His vision becomes black and white and goes dark around the edges the more the adrenaline leaves his body. He’s focusing so hard on not passing out that he doesn’t feel his knees give out or the floor raise to meet him.

Izuku catches him in his arms right before he can hit his head on the floor.

“Kacchan!” He says, eyes full of tears and worry. His face is scrunched-up; tears are already flowing. “God, I’m so mad – I’m – I’m so sorry,” he laments.

“I c-couldn’t give up your name,” Katsuki whispers weakly, slurred. Because Izuku had been the one who uncovered the operation, who brought the agency the very information that led to this failed mission.

Izuku lowers them both to the floor, cradling Katsuki’s limp frame close, protectively. “You shouldn’t have hurt yourself,” he scolds, stern. But then, after a beat, a wobbly, tearful: “Thank you, Kacchan. You saved my life.”

“Always,” Katsuki half-slurs, half-sighs, eyes becoming half-lidded. “A-Always…”

“Hey, no, no sleeping for now, ok?” Izuku nudges him. “We need to get your head checked first.”

“I know,” Katsuki tries to nod, but the gesture makes everything hurt. “I know I shouldn’t sleep. ’m ‘fraid to sleep. ’m ‘fraid to wake up ‘n…”

“And what?” Izuku asks, still cradling him in his arms, which are now bloodied because of the open wound on the back of Katsuki’s head.

“F-Find you gone,” Katsuki admits. He’s too concussed to know for sure if he’s still under the effect of the quirk, but he knows this – he’s been so honest these past hours, it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit more.

Izuku holds him closer, hugging him tight. “I won’t be gone. I’ll never be gone. I’ll always be with you.” He says, voice wet and constricted from emotion.

“Don’t have t’ be if you don’t want to,” Katsuki is nothing if sincere. “Don’ feel… forced. Don’ feel bad ‘cause of all this. Never wanted t’ make you do anything you don’… wanna...”

“Who says I don’t want to?”

Katsuki lets out a small laugh that’s pained and tight and sounds more like a sob. “Come on, I… zuku…”

“Who says I don’t?” Izuku insists, nudging him again. “You can’t know that. You’ve made lots of assumptions, Kacchan. And not just about me, but about yourself as well.”

Katsuki frowns. “Wha’?”

“You presumed what I, and Kirishima-kun, and Jirou-san, would think and feel about you. But you never asked us. If you’d told me how you felt, maybe you’d be surprised with my answer.”

“Yeah, I don’t wanna that kind o’ surprise,” Katsuki snorts. “Don’t wanna be… more humiliated…” He frowns.

Izuku shakes his head, frowning, more tears flowing down his face. “Kacchan. I would never do that to you. Neither would our friends. Especially regarding something as important and as serious as your feelings. But for all that matters, you don’t have to worry, because I love you too.”

Katsuki huffs and closes his eyes, grimacing. “Stop… lyin’ to make me feel better.”

“I’m not.” Izuku promises, serious.

“I told you; you don’t have to do this.”

“And I told you to stop making assumptions.”

“Why would’ya ever love me ‘fter everything I did to you?”

“Precisely. Why wouldn’t I?” Izuku tries to reason. “When you talk about ‘everything you did to me’, you focus on the bad parts. I understand that. But I prefer to focus on ‘everything good you did’. Why wouldn’t I love you after you sacrificed yourself for me? After you publicly apologized for everything that you said and did? After you became a friend and a partner who I trust more than anyone in my life? Why wouldn’t I love you when you’ve managed to singlehandedly defeat a whole cartel of quirk traffickers while concussed and under the effect of such a devastating quirk? Why wouldn’t I love you after you hurt yourself just to save my life yet again? Why?”

Katsuki’s eyes are closed, but still, everything is spinning. He frowns. This is becoming too much for him, no matter how much he’d hate to admit it. “You don’t have to love me.”

Izuku nods in agreement. “I don’t have to. I just do. I’ve loved you for years now.”

Y-Years…? Katsuki tries to open his eyes and blink in confusion, but the lids are too heavy. He feels like he’s on a boat, rocking up and down.

“Kacchan?” Izuku nudges, concerned.

Katsuki doesn’t... He feels… He feels… like he’s falling…

“Kacchan?! Can you hear me?!”

He passes out.

💣💥

When he wakes up, Izuku is right beside his hospital bed.

He doesn’t notice it when Katsuki opens his eyes, but as Katsuki tries to move and lets out a tiny grunt, he jumps off the visitor’s chair as if it had burned him and grabs one of Katsuki’s arms.

“Kacchan! How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Do you need the nurse?” He seems all over the place, and the purple bags under his eyes indicate he didn’t catch much sleep recently.

That realization, in turn, makes Katsuki wonder how long he has been in his hospital.

“Kacchan? Are you all right? Can you hear me? You’re not saying anything,” Izuku points out, which has Katsuki staring at him. Because his memory is slowly coming back to him in bits and pieces, and the fact that he’s not saying anything indicates one thing.

Izuku seems to reach that realization at the same time as he does. His face relaxes a little. “The quirk is gone, Kacchan. You’re ok, now. You can – say whatever you want to say.”

Katsuki swallows dry, blinks. Breathing becomes a little harder, and deep down he wants to cry – but he won’t. He’s made a fool of himself enough already.

“I-It’s ok if you don’t want to talk just now,” Izuku says, averting his eyes and scratching the back of his neck. “I mean, I understand. And I don’t expect you to.”

Katsuki averts his gaze as well, embarrassed and silently suffering with all the memories that are suddenly flooding his head. God, he had confessed. He had said a lot of shit. He had sung.

He felt horrible, and suddenly the urge to go back to sleep and only wake up 8 years ahead was strong.

“I… thought I could do some of the talking for now on? If you’re ok with that?”

Katsuki’s still not looking at Izuku. He doesn’t really feel like having a conversation – he doesn’t really feel like opening his mouth to speak ever again, now that he can control what he can and can’t do.

Izuku takes his lack of denial as a go-ahead and sits by the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Kacchan. I understand it must have been a horrible experience. I know how… reserved you are with your feelings, so to have been forced like this to speak of them –”

Katsuki can’t help but flinch and close his eyes, turning on the bed so that his back is turned to Izuku. He really doesn’t feel like talking – he can’t know if he’ll ever want to speak again –, but he hopes his body language will suffice to tell Izuku what he wants to convey. I don’t want to talk about this right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to talk about this.

Izuku understands Katsuki’s gesture. He nods silently – Katsuki misses it, since his back is turned – and lowers his head.

“Ok, ok. I won’t talk of it anymore. The only thing I want you to know is – we destroyed the video. And the cellphone that took it. And the cloud backup. And Kirishima-kun punched the guy who recorded it,” he says hurriedly.

A huge wave of relief invades Katsuki, and he huffs, feeling dizzy. That doesn’t erase what people saw him say and do back there – what Izuku saw –, but it’s a start. Still, he stays silent. He has that option now, and he’ll make the most of it.

Izuku just sits there, silent as well, respecting his wishes.

A long time passes, and Katsuki ends up falling asleep. He’s still recovering, after all, and the relief from knowing that video was gone certainly played a part in his whole body and mind going lax.

When he wakes up again, it’s the middle of the night. Izuku’s still there, napping on the uncomfortable-looking visitor’s chair. Katsuki stares at him with an unreadable expression for a long time, until Izuku – probably sensing it – blinks awake.

When he notices Katsuki’s also awake – and staring –, he approaches the bed with a worried frown. “What’s wrong? Everything ok?” Izuku asks, voice rough from sleep but tone soft.

Katsuki averts his eyes again now that Izuku’s up, not wanting or daring to speak a word, lest his true thoughts keep flooding out again. He shakes his head in the hopes that it will ease Izuku’s mind and send him away.

Instead, Izuku sits on the edge of the bed again.

“You don’t have to speak,” he reassures, and he reaches out to hold one of Katsuki’s hands. He doesn’t pull away but grows tense. “And we don’t have to talk about what happened, ever, if you don’t want to. But I want you to know that what I told you was the truth. I only wish I had gathered the courage to speak those words before, so that you would believe me now. So that you wouldn’t think I was lying just to make you feel better. I’d never do that. My feelings for you are sincere.”

His tone is so fucking soft… Katsuki glares at his own knees.

“Kacchan, to me, loving you is as easy as breathing,” Izuku smiles, even if there are tears shining in his eyes. “It’s as easy as my heart beating. I don’t actually remember a time in which I didn’t love you. Even when you were cruel to me. Even when you said and did hurtful things. Which I have forgiven, by the way. Can we leave that all in the past? And focus on the future?”

That makes Katsuki look at him again, suspicion etched all over his eyes. He remains silent.

Izuku keeps smiling. “Because yes, I would very much enjoy having a future with you. If you’d have me, of course. I know the circumstances were terrible, but when I learned you loved me back, I… I was so overwhelmed I think I stopped breathing. Because I couldn’t believe that was happening.”

“You looked horrified.”

He’s as surprised at the words that come out of his lips as Izuku. He knows this wasn’t an effect from the quirk, but still finds himself shocked with how easily the accusation comes out.

Izuku blinks, almost apologetic. “I wasn’t. I swear I wasn’t. I mean, I was worried about the scenario, not about your confession. I’m… I’m sorry I reacted that way.”

“You were avoiding me,” Katsuki can’t stop himself now that he’s started talking, but every word that comes out of his mouth does so out of his own volition. “Ever since I started with the muttering, you were treating me like I was contagious. If you really love me like you’re saying you do, why did you react that way?”

Izuku blushes, looking away. “I… I’m going to explain, but please… Don’t be mad?”

Katsuki frowns. Be mad? “Huh?”

Izuku worries at his lower lip. “It’s just… Look, you’re very… brash. You always speak your mind in a very direct way. But when you were hit with that quirk, and you started speaking your real mind… It was a bit… off-putting. I had never heard you be so straightforward about your own feelings like that. When you were with the kid, for example, and you told him you didn’t know how to smile – I mean, that was so personal. You’re never that open about your own feelings. I got a bit… scared, I think. And I’m sorry I reacted like that when you needed me.”

Katsuki stares at him; he has a lot to process. “You’re the one who said I don’t know how to smile.”

Izuku gives him a very blank look. “I’m sorry – I did what?”

“You – were trying to teach me how to smile at kids, and then I smiled at you, and you looked disgusted and rushed off –”

“I looked what?!”

“– so, I assumed I wasn’t good at it. Which was why I stopped trying.”

Izuku blinks several times. “Which was why you sto– Kacchan.”

“Yeah?”

“I never said you didn’t know how to smile. I didn’t look disgusted at you when you smiled at me. I only rushed off because I am so, so in love and I didn’t want you to notice, which I now see totally gave you the wrong impression.”

Katsuki scoffs. “The hell? Why didn’t you want me notice?”

Izuku grabs both his hands. “Because I thought you didn’t love me back. So, I assumed I was better off hiding my true feelings so that I wouldn’t get…”

Katsuki blinks, oblivious.

“Rejected. Heartbroken,” Izuku concludes.

Silence.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Silence.

“So, you’re not lying just to make me feel better?”

Izuku shakes his head ‘no’.

“And you do love me back?” Katsuki frowns.

Izuku nods his head ‘yes’.

Katsuki takes a deep breath and throws his head back, staring at the ceiling.

“I need some time.”

Izuku nods with not an ounce of questioning or judgement; he squeezes his hand. “All the time in the world.” And he makes as if to get up from the bed.

“No, I mean, I don’t want you to leave,” Katsuki rushes to explain at Izuku’s gesture, still holding his hand and squeezing it tighter is if to keep him there. “I just…”

He takes a deep breath. Gathers his courage. Out of the list of the worst things he’s ever said, or the worst moments of his life, his current true feelings don’t make it to the top 10.

“With what happened, I – I don’t think I’m…” he hesitates. “… ok.”

Izuku sits back down on the edge of the bed and nods, never letting go of Katsuki’s hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now, no,” Katsuki feels a bit high from being so willingly honest for once, but it might also just be the pain meds he’s certainly under. “But I’d like more about it later. With Kirishima and Jirou too. Maybe if you call them…”

“No problem,” Izuku nods. “I’ll tell them to stop by.”

Katsuki sighs, burying his face on the crook of his free arm. Being vulnerable has been traumatically made easier for him, but it still kind of sucks. “They must hate me,” he confesses after a beat. It feels like it needs to be said.

Izuku stays silent for a while.

“Why do you keep thinking everyone will hate you?” Is what he settles for asking eventually, sounding a bit sad.

Katsuki shrugs naturally. “Maybe I’m hateful. You know better than anyone how I can get.”

Izuku sighs. “Kacchan…”

“I did mention what I said to you in front of them, didn’t I?” Katsuki interrupts him. “That fucked up shit about you jumping –?” He can’t even finish that sentence. He closes his eyes.

Izuku, on his own turn, lowers his head. “I’ve already talked to them about it.”

Katsuki frowns, uncovering his face and moving his arm back to the bed to prop himself up. “What –”

“They asked me directly,” Izuku explains, gently nudging him back to the bed. “They asked me what you meant when you said that. And I explained.”

Katsuki lowers himself on the mattress again, but he’s still tense, and staring at Izuku with suspicion in his eyes. “What did you say to them? You didn’t take the fucking fall for it, did you? Because Izuku, it wasn’t your f–”

Izuku drops a kiss on Katsuki’s knuckles. “I told them that we were young, and that you were a different person. That Class 1A and UA changed you. That the War, and what happened before, changed you. That I don’t hold any grudges, and neither should them. That you’re no longer that same Kacchan who was cruel to me.”

Katsuki lowers his gaze, an alien sad look on his face. He squeezes one of Izuku’s hands. “I’m sorry, Izuku.”

Izuku nods and squeezes back. “I know. And I’ve already forgiven you. Let’s leave the past in the past, ok?”

Katsuki meets his eyes, raw emotion etched in red. “I’m not sure I can.”

“I’ll help you, then,” Izuku offers. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

“But –”

“I know how much you care,” Izuku explains, patient. “I know how you feel for me. I know how you’re hurting right now. I know you. I know you’ll need time to lick your wounds and repair your hurt ego, I know you must be feeling vulnerable and exposed right now. I know things will take a while to go back to how they were. I don’t mind. I can wait for you.”

Katsuki blinks. “Wait for me?”

“It’s ok, Kacchan. I’ve waited for over 20 years. I can wait a bit longer. I don’t want to force you into anything, ok? You can take all the time you need to recover, and we can figure it out from there when you’re ready. If – If you want to be with me, of course –” he stutters.

“Idiot,” Katsuki pulls him closer by the hand he’s holding. “Of course I do. Everything I did and said wasn’t enough to prove it?”

Izuku blushes. “You… did worsen your concussion just to save my life.”

“And I would have done more,” Katsuki promises. “I would have killed that guy for real before he dared to touch you. And if it came down to it –”

“Don’t say that, Kacchan –”

“I would die for you if it meant I was keeping you safe, Izuku. I need you to know that.”

“I don’t want you to,” Izuku takes one of Katsuki’s hands and brings it to his lips, dropping a kiss on the rough skin. “I do know that, but I don’t want you to.”

“How about this?” Katsuki suggests. “Promise me you really love me back, promise this isn’t out of guilt or out of duty, and I promise I won’t fucking leave you anytime soon.”

Izuku smiles bright. “I’ll bring that kid here and make him activate his quirk on me just so I can ramble about how much I really love you.”

Katsuki scowls but takes the joke half-heartedly. “I don’t want to see that brat ever again,” he complains.

“I’m just messing around,” Izuku chuckles. Then, his face becomes a bit more serious. “You really scared me, you know.”

“I was scared shitless too, if that counts for anything.”

“Let’s agree to stay away from kids with unknown quirks right before important missions?”

“Only if you agree to not run away from my smiles.”

“Kacchan.”

“I was fucking confused by that, just saying. I thought you hated my damn smile.”

“Your smile is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, which is why I couldn’t bear to stay near it!”

“What the fuck? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Yes, it does! Do you ever stare directly at the sun?”

“Did you just compare my smile to the damn sun?”

“Yeah! To me, it’s just like that!”

“Well, to me, your big ass doe eyes are like the sun! How about that!”

“This is not a competition –”

“I’m going to kiss you now, so shut up.”

And they kiss. And they argue. And they talk. And they recover. Together, inseparable, and always, always understanding.

They have a lot to recover from, and lots of work to do still, especially regarding Katsuki’s vulnerabilities. He can’t recover from what happened overnight, after a single talk with Izuku. Katsuki said and did things in front of his friends that left them very worried about his true sense of self-worth, past all his yelling and boasting around. But at least he’s taking a step towards the right direction along with Izuku. And he hopes to keep taking step after step with him, together, for the rest of their lives, always.