Chapter Text
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The first time she does it she's fresh out of the lab. Alone on the street with two strange men. But they really aren't that strange aren't they? She dosent really know them, but they helped her get out of the lab. So they can't be too dangerous.
One of the boys is 2 whole years older than her. He's blonde and refused to put a shirt on after they ditched the gowns. He scares her just a little bit.
The other boy is much diffrent. He's only a few months older than herself. No much of a height difference. His hair is navy, almost-but-not-quite black. He wears thick glasses that seem to tint his eyes green. He let Chidori lean on him when they laid down to sleep.
Chidori decided instantly that she likes him.
It's while she's curled up in a ball, using their discarded hospital gowns as blankets (she was always so cold now) and using Jin's thigh as a pillow, that she notices how weird she feels. It's something she hasn't felt since her mom died and she was left to fend by herself.
Something she definitely never felt at Kirijo.
Chidori Yoshino feels safe.
September 13th, ????
A few months have passed now, Chidori seems to be getting alone with the boys. The younger one, Jin, stolebought her a pretty white dress. The older one, Takaya, tried his hardest to get a job, but he's too young. So, while the other two are sleeping, he wanders around and takes cash from stores during the dark hour.
During one of these nights of wandering, her stumbles upon it. A shabby little building hiding away. The roof has more than a few holes, one walls was almost completely gone, the windows were broken. But it was empty.
Like a feral cat Takaya headed back to their home alley and woke the other two. A short mutter of "get up" and "were moving" were all the two got.
By the time they got back to the abandoned house the dark hour was over and Chidori was so tired. Jin had to keep prodding her to keep her upright.
"Well" Takaya prompted, his yellow cat-like eyes glistening. The usual self-satisfied smirk was plaguing his face as he pushed the door open.
"I don't get it" Chidori mumbled sleepily at the same time Jin said "I'm impressed". She glanced over at him, confusion on her face.
He shrugged, "How'd you find this?"
"Not hard," A lie, harmless. "It's abandoned, so now it's ours"
"What do you mean ours?" Chidori muttered, holding onto Jins hand tightly
"It's our home" Takaya shrugged
"Home?" Chidori said, the word feeling foreign on her tounge
"mhm, home" Jin hummed, squeezing her hand softly
Chidori Yoshino decides she likes being home.
September 14th ????
It's about 4 in the morning and Chidori cannot sleep. Takaya had announced that they would all be able to have separate room, and, well, its the first time Chidori has slept along since the lab.
She lie awake in her new bed, a bare mattress, and shivers. Tiny sobs wreak her body as she tries to keep quiet and stop thinking about the lab and God, why won't the voices shut up and why can't she just be normal
Chidori was in the middle of a particularly loud whimper when Takaya opened the door.
"Shut up. I can't sleep over all your blubbering" He tisked before slamming the door shut.
Chidori bit down on her arm to stop a wail from leaving her lips. It hurt so much. Why did it hurt so much? The pain was supposed to be over after they left Kirijo. So why must she suffer so?
Another creak of her door, this time with no Erie yellow eyes and annoyed voice. A small boy with blue hair tiptoes into her room.
He lies in the bed with her, behind her so he dosent see her teary face, and wraps his arms around Chidori. He mutters a shush while brushing tears off of Chidori's red cheeks and brushing her red hair out of her face.
He felt so warm, so calming. Slowly her whimpering sobs stopped and her beathing evened out.
Chidori Yoshino spent the first night home with the boy who is so kind to her.
March 9th, 2001. Full moon.
The first time Chidori takes the suppressants its a full moon. Even during to dark hour it was so bright.
Since the lab Medea had been mostly dormant, only occasionally whispering to Chidori, quietly trying to will her into cutting. But Chidori hadn't given in. . . yet.
The two other boys, her friends, have been taking the suppressants for some time now. The one time she asked Jin about it, he proposed that it was because they were older than her. She had accepted it.
But now, Medea was totally freaking out.
Her persona felt like a tightness in her chest, clawing to get out. Ripping through beautiful flesh and bone. Screaming. Pleading. Tearing her skin.
Bile flows up her throat as she vomits onto the ground. Orange with green chunks of half digested food. It smells vile.
She doubles over, tears flowing onto the ground, and screams in total agony.
It's only now that the others wake up, slamming the door to her room open. Jin dosent have his glasses on but he can still see enough.
Jin vomits at the smell, Takaya jumps into action. He grabs the weeping girl by the arm and jabs a needle into the vein, injecting the suppressant.
The tears don't stop, Chidori's breath is shaky, Medea relaxes. The clawing stops, the maggots in her skin stop squirming, the bugs stop eating her organs, her living body stops decaying.
Takaya removes the needle from her skin and throws it to the side. "Chidori," he mutters "Don't do that again. You need to start taking the suppressants. I'll speak to our supplier"
Meanwhile Jin was trying to recover, clear vomit from his empty stomach on the floor. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, standing up straight as Takaya left the room.
Chidori let out a sob before she felt arms around her, a pair of lips pressed to her temple, a gentle shhh.
Jin. Of course, forever the witness to her worst moments.
She didn't even realize the string of "I'm sorry" that was falling from her mouth untill Jin pressed a finger to her lips.
She pushes it away and hurls again, the aggressive sobbing making her sick.
Jin gags, but manages to keep him lunch down. He pulls chidoris hair out of her face until she's done. Then her pulls her to her feet and sits her on her mattress, now covered with thick warm blankets. The same ones that Jin had crawled into so many times that winter.
Chidori yoshino is great full for the boy who cleans her vomit off the floor.
June 19th, 2001
The first time Chidori cuts is also the second time she sees both Jin and Takaya without a shirt on.
It's unbearably hot, for them. Chidori, like a snake, basks in the warm glow of the sun. Of course they would get rid of as many layers as they can.
Chidori finds herself studying them, the way their muscles move whenever they shift. She's absent-mindedly drawing the forms in the sketchbook Jin stole for her after the last Medea incident.
It's only after she's drawn them about 10 times she realized they both have scars. Thanks to Medeas healing capabilities, she dosent. They have reminders of the lab, reminders of their survival.
Chidori finds herself wanting to have scars. Healed, half-scabed over, fresh and dripping blood, it dosent matter. She wants proof. She wants marks.
Medea notices, unfurling in her chest and pacing. The maggots begin to burrow, bugs swarm in her stomach, her blood turns to mud.
Yesss, Medea whisperes, Take the blade, thats a good girl. Break the sharpener and take the blade.
Chidori silently retreats to her room. Chucking the cheap plastic sharpener at the wall, the plastic cracks and she's able to pry the blade loose from there.
The sliver slices open her pale skin easily. Crimson bubbles up from the soft beating flesh.
Chidori Yoshino loves the look of blood bubbling from her skin.
August 6th 2001
The first time Chidori finds Jin crying is when she finds Jin wearing a dress, her dress. The growl dies in her throat when she sees the tears leaking out of his face.
His eyes are scared, wide under his green glasses. One step, two steps, arms around Chidori, a wet face in the crook of her neck whining her name.
"Jin? What are you doing?" And her voice is so soft, confused.
"Chidori. I can't keep living like this" The boy(?) sobs.
"What do you mean? Jin, you're scaring me" Chidori whispers. She can feel Medea tensing in her heart. No, he can't leave her. No! He's not allowed! He has to stay. He has to, please. Chidori needs him.
". . .I think im a girl"
Chidori sighs, he's not leaving. Oh thank Nyx he's not leaving WAIT- WHAT.
"Oh?" She muttered
"Dammit Chidori, I knew you wouldn't get it!" Jin snaps, wiping her face on the others sleeve.
"I'm sorry. Just. . . What do you mean?"
"God are you really that dense!" She snapped again before taking a deep breath. "I've been having thoughts, it feels bad, sick, when I'm called a boy. And, well, I saw your dress laying out and I put it on. I dunno, guess it just felt right" She mumbled.
"So what do you want me to call you" it really didn't matter to Chidori. Jin would still be Jin. They would still be the same person who let her use their thigh as a pillow, who cuddled her when she couldn't sleep that first night and so many after that, the same person who heald her hair back when she threw up. They would always be Chidori's Jin.
"Jin's fine. Just. . . Think of me as a girl now, okay"
Chidori Yoshino loves the girl who is always there for her.
October 3rd, 2001
The first time Chidori get small, it's obviously infront of Jin. She had been cutting to get Medea to shut up and stand down.
But of course the other girl had barged in without knocking. So Chidori pulled down her sleved and suffered through boring conversation with the blade tucked in her hand.
She made it through about 10 minutes before she felt It. The words Jin were saying were making less and less sense. Her head felt foggy, like it was cotton between her ears instead of lovely soft brain.
"-I don't get why nobody calls me a girl! I mean I look feminine enough and my hair is almost shoulder length now! Chidori are you even listening?" Jin said, her voice annoyed as she crossed her arms.
Yeah, Chidori wanted to say. Just yeah or yes or mhm or whatever. Just something. Why can't she talk? She can always talk? Why won't it work why does she feel so helpless. "Jin. . ." She whispers out.
"Chidori? Are you okay?" She was concerned now, tilting her head and straightening her glasses.
A tear fell down her cheek, leaving a little trail of wetness like a slug. A sniffle and a little sob. "Don't know what's wrong with me" She muttered
"Jesus Chidori, come here. What the hell is wrong?" Jin pulled Chidori into a loose hug.
"Why can I be normal" Chridori groaned, letting her blade fall to the ground with a little clatter. Jin looked at the ground, letting go of Chidori in favor of inspecting the clutter on the floors newest addition.
"Chidori why the fuck do you have a blade? Have you been hurting yourself? Let me see your arm, now." Jin ordered and when Chidori shook her head, she just grabbed Chidori's wrirsts and inspected them. "What the fuck! That's gross Chidori!"
This caused Chidori to pull away from Jin like she had been burnt. The yelling, it only reminded her of Kirijo. Unfortunately making her smaller. Neither of the two knew what was happening, this was the first time something like this had happened.
"Stop- Stop yelling" Chidori cried, "it dosent leave any marks so it shouldn't bother you!"
"It does bother me, what is wrong with you! Quit crying, you're like a child and it's embarrassing" Jin huffed but it only caused Chidori to wail louder. Fuck, Takaya was going to hear them and it was only going to get worse. Deep breath, Jin.
Okay, Chidori was acting like a child. So treat her like one. How do you treat a child?
"Hush, shhhh. Its gonna be okay dori," Jin shushed the crying girl; her voice was much softer than usual.
"Hm?" Chidori cocked her head to the side, big eyes shining with tears.
Jin didn't really know what to do so she did what she did when Chidori used to be crying in the cell room next to her at kirijo. "Hush now dear, no shadows near. You are so very safe whilst you are here. Lay down your head, though we have no bed, I'll provide you comfort myself instead. Keep close, don't fear. You are so very safe whilst you are here," Jin sung slowly making things up as she went.
Chidori yoshino falls asleep while using her best friends leg as a pillow.