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Chapter Text

If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me

They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)] «

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Eddie spends a lot of time thinking in the weeks after the world almost ends.

He has ample time, reason, and motive to do so, especially since one of his hands is cuffed to the hospital bed. He literally can’t go anywhere to distract himself or engage in lively conversation with others. Every day, he quite literally is forced to be alone with his thoughts.

Even if he could manage to free one hand, the medication the doctors have him on — stuff he suspects Reefer Rick would charge a small fortune for — is potent enough to sedate a horse. He’d only be able to stumble two or three steps before face-planting, and that’s assuming the injuries to his legs don’t give out first. So, he has to get creative and find ways to survive the monotony of his stark white prison.

Can you really blame him for fixating on none other than Steve Harrington?

Eddie can — he blames himself, that is. There are countless better things he could be thinking about besides Steve Harrington. He’s stuck in a hospital bed after demons nearly devoured their world for dinner, for crying out loud. A trauma like that comes with a long list of far more pressing issues to consider and work through.

For starters, he should be figuring out how he’s going to leave Hawkins General. Sure, the kids managed to defeat Vecna mostly on their own, but they’re nowhere near ready to break a wanted man out of a hospital right now. Max is still recovering. El is still shaken. All the other key players in their little operation are either panicking over their own well-being or trying to sort through their post-apocalyptic lives. Eddie should be smart and have a backup plan in place just in case.

Then there’s the whole ‘survival’ aspect to consider. According to the doctors, one more solid blow to his ankle could leave him unable to walk again. Although he’s made a decent recovery, they’ve recommended rehab. Rehab is costly, and there are also follow-up appointments to consider. He needs to brainstorm, plan, and budget to manage all this without eating into his already meager savings.

And yet, his thoughts keep drifting back to Steve.

Steve, with his annoyingly perfect hair and his ridiculously impressive survival skills. Steve, who swooped in like a knight in shining armor when they were trapped in the Upside Down, saving him from certain doom. He picked Eddie up in a bridal carry, whisking him away from the bats as if he were lifting a mere house cat, barely breaking a sweat. The sheer impact of it took Eddie’s breath away, and not just because of his massive loss of blood.

Sometimes, when he’s bored or when Steve isn’t by his side to keep him company, Eddie rewinds that scene in his mind, reliving its surreal nature.

It always begins with Steve rushing over, his blood-matted hair standing defiant against the wind and his voice sounding far-too-worried for Eddie’s comfort. He slides over to the chaos that is Eddie’s body, too kind to comment on the horror before him, though he looks rightly horrified. Eddie watches as Steve hovers his hands over each wound, inspecting them and contemplating how to handle each as if he’s playing some twisted version of Operation.

His eyes are glistening.

Eddie remembers this fact clearly; he knows he didn't fabricate such an important detail. Those eyes reflect back at him through the chaos, and they're the only thing he can see as Steve makes solemn promises not to leave him down there, calling out for Robin and Nancy to prepare the portal in the trailer so they can escape together.

In Eddie’s mind, he can still feel those same hands — hands that now feed him soup and water in the hospital — digging under his back to lift him into Steve’s embrace. His grip is so sure and firm. They’re also impossibly warm. That warmth is something else Eddie can’t shake off. He still feels it, like an imprint on his skin, how much of a furnace Steve was against his side. In that moment, Eddie clung to it like a moth to a flame, and he still does in his thoughts to the best of his ability.

The next thing that comes to him from that night is Steve’s voice, barking orders at the girls, at Dustin, whose voice fades in and out of memory, and at Lucas once they’re back on solid ground. His voice sounds strained, pained, and stressed to the max. Yet, whenever he addresses Eddie, it’s infused with tenderness. Reassurances. Care. It’s enough to make a man believe that yeah, he will survive the demonic apocalypse around him.

From there, everything fades like Dustin’s voice. He catches brief glimpses and flashes of what’s happening around him before ultimately slipping into a twilight-like state of nothingness. The next time he regains enough consciousness to truly notice his surroundings — to feel, see, and hear without agony — he finds himself in his stark white room, now with the added bonus of Steve asleep and snoring beside him.

What can Eddie really say upon waking up to that? How is he supposed to avoid daydreaming about that guy after such a display from someone who had once been a complete stranger? An enemy? How can Eddie stop when this so-called enemy keeps coming back, making it a point to update him on the little flock of friends he’s collected?

“The city’s opened up again. Visitors have to be checked by the Suits, but some people are coming back. I think my parents might return in a few weeks. Doubt it, though.” 

“Max is awake now, but her vision isn’t perfect like before. Lucas is gonna’ see if she can get really cool glasses. El wants her to get a guide dog. I think she might ask Hop for one for herself, but like one of those emotional support ones. We’ll see who wins that battle.” 

“Dustin’s working on getting Suzie to come back to Hawkins now that it’s safe so she can meet you. Says you’re his ‘hero.’ Little wannabe, I was the one that saved his ass. He should be parading me around. Kiss-up.” 

Eddie cherishes each update like soup for the soul. He’s grown quite fond of them and even finds himself looking forward to Steve waltzing in to deliver them like the morning paper. They make him feel normal again, as if he’s just some guy. They also make him feel cared for. They’re thoughtful. He can count on one hand — one finger almost — the number of people who have shown him that level of care on such a consistent basis. How can he help but dwell on Steve when the guy is joining such an elite and exclusive club in his otherwise insignificant life?

It unfolds shortly after Eddie gets out of the hospital and has regained the ability to move freely, with all his legal issues finally resolved. Steve is there with him, and they're smoking together in the forest. High as kites, they chat and joke around without a care in the world, just two kids enjoying a smoke and each other's company. The world around them is awash in cool tones, coupled with a gentle breeze that sends shivers down their spines and rustles the leaves above. It’s a soft scene.

Steve’s expression is soft.

Eddie commits it to memory as they sit together, watching each other in tranquil idleness. It’s nice. It’s sweet. It’s everything Eddie could ever wish for from a hangout with Steve. Steve gazes at him ike he’s thinking the same about Eddie. Then, with a voice as light as a feather as fireflies twinkle around them, Steve asks Eddie to hum him a song.

Unable to deny any request from him, Eddie jumps right into his latest musical discovery.

It’s some tune by a Glasgow band he stumbled upon in a small indie record shop with Gareth. He’s a bit rusty and fumbles the melody in spots, but Steve drinks in every moment. He listens to Eddie sing as if he were leading a choir of angels, only pausing to set aside his blunt so he can focus entirely on Eddie. His gaze is both nerve-wracking and beautiful, making Eddie feel more terrified than ever to deliver his improvised performance. There are moments when he considers stopping, thinking it might spare him the panic that Steve is seeming to incite with his attention.

But, just when those thoughts threaten to overwhelm him, Steve steps in with an impromptu performance of his own. He glances at Eddie’s lips, sets his jaw, and then leans in for a kiss that is so sudden and passionate it makes Eddie see stars.

They lose themselves in each other for a while on the grass, without worrying about definitions, implications, or what comes next. It’s just kissing, laughter, and joy shared between two souls who truly deserve it. As their kisses begin to slow and the darkness settles around them, Steve cradles Eddie’s cheek in his hand and vows he never wants to lose Eddie again. Eddie leans into Steve’s touch and promises he won’t have to. They draw closer, their eyes locking, and then Steve closes the gap between them, engaging Eddie in a messy, passionate top-lip kiss that feels intoxicating all on its own, like something out of a romantic film.

And then, Eddie wakes up.

Eddie hates waking up. 

Waking up means facing reality and all the things Steve helps him escape from. It also comes with a glaring neon sign that yells, “Hey, loser! Your friend is probably straight and would never do this with you! He only saved you once because he’s a decent guy! Get a life! Stop fantasizing!”

The truth is, Eddie sees and hears that message loud and clear.

He’s spent a lot of time with Steve lately. He’s listened as Steve talked about his life, his likes and dislikes, and learned about his boundaries, preferences, and the parents who would sooner launch him into outer space than accept that they have a non-straight son. Sure, Steve has never explicitly stated he’s completely straight, but Eddie isn’t naive. He knows that even a closeted Steve would be too scared of what others might think to act on any feelings. He also knows that Steve is still lovelorn after the whole Nancy thing and would probably prefer to chase the thrill of companionship with another gentle, doe-eyed creature like her.

Steve once told him as much. Pointing at the stitches on Eddie’s cheek, he had chuckled softly and suggested they go out on the town once they healed to test their charm now that they looked all ‘rugged.’

The thought had made Eddie laugh.

He still has a laugh about it now, though it’s not out of bashfulness like Steve had guessed that day. He still chuckles at it now, but it’s not out of the bashfulness Steve had assumed that day. It’s a laugh tinged with futility — the painful realization that he can never actually take Steve up on that offer because he is the one who wants his newfound attention, and he wants to look rugged together with Steve, but Steve doesn’t want that. Steve is looking for that with some pretty girl. Eddie can never compete with that.

So, he laughs. He shoves his face full of hospital food, shakes his head at himself for believing in his silly dreams of what could be, and hides his feelings behind loud, raucous laughter.

He’s still laughing about it when he hears Steve knock on his hospital room door for his daily check-in.

As always, Steve looks impossibly handsome. He’s wearing tight jeans — a light-wash pair missing a button on the back pocket — paired perfectly with a black belt and a bright red polo. His hair has grown longer since their time in the Upside Down, brushing the nape of his neck and swooping enticingly across his forehead in delicate strands. He looks straight-up dashing. 

Eddie reaches out with grabby hands for his drink, unwilling to start any discussions now. Steve, amused, hands it over before taking his seat and opening his own straw while Eddie quickly devours his shake. Eddie was right; it is chocolate, and it is heavenly.

“So, what’s so funny?”

“Hmm? Oh, the laughter? You heard that?” Eddie asks around his straw, swallowing a loud gulp. He shrugs. “That was nothing. Just thought up another way to prank those good-for-nothing vultures they’re calling nurses these days.”

Steve huffs and shakes his head in disappointment, like a mother scolding a child. Eddie finds it amusing and smirks as he takes another sip.

“C’mon man, they’re just trying to do their job. You’re going to piss them off and end up with crappy food or something.”

“Food’s already crappy,” Eddie informs him, cradling his cup. “War criminals, every single one of them. And while we’re on the topic of ‘pointing out their sins,’ do you have any idea how big the needles those ladies are allowed to wield get? They might as well be swords, Harrington! Swords! Just the other day, there was one they put near my ankle that just-”

All thoughts of needles and nurses vanish as Eddie catches sight of Steve in the midst of his own foul crime. With a straw between his lips, head tilted back slightly, and eyes shut, he’s sipping his drink like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. The borderline pornographic noises he’s making are enough to make Eddie’s heart race and definitely appear on the monitor, to his borderline panic.

It’s diabolical. It’s cruel. It makes Eddie feel like he could take on any size needle the nurses want to throw at him. Maybe even a scalpel. Or a gun.

Eddie physically shakes himself out of whatever just came over him and buries his face in his milkshake. The beeping monitor beside him continues its steady betraying beating, and for a fleeting moment, he almost wishes he had a needle, scalpel, or gun for entirely different reasons.

Steve chuckles softly to himself.

“Alright, well. If it’s nurses you’re tryina’ avoid, you’re in luck.”

“Huh?”

His eyes twinkle. Eddie swears to God or Vecna or whatever weird entity runs the universe now, they freakin’ twinkle.

“Word on the street, aaand sort of why I’m here today, is that…well…they’re busting ya’ out of here soon…ish. Probably.”

Eddie’s lips drop from his straw.

His eyes blow wide.

He barely registers the sound of Steve snorting with laughter as his free hand slaps the bed railing and a garbled noise escapes him mid-sip.

“Don’t play with me, man. Don’t you play with me,” he stresses, growing louder with each word. “I need you to be so honest with me right now. Tell me I heard you right, Harrington.”

Grinning, Steve nudges Eddie’s knee with his shake. “You heard me. Hopper’s working on some paperwork or something, and…that’ll do it.”

If Eddie’s eyes could get any wider, they just did.

“Wa-wa-wa-wait, WAIT. Hopper? As in Chief Hopper? The guy who was dead for a while but isn’t anymore and is now super involved with the Byers family — that Hopper? He’s the one trying to free me?”

Steve snorts, clearly reveling in the moment. “Surprise ya?”

“Surprise?” Eddie wheezes out a laugh, tossing his head back onto the pillow. “Dude, that man has hunted the asses of me and my entire family for sport for years. ‘Surprise’ doesn’t quite cut it. What the hell does he have over the Hawkins P.D. to pull something like that off?”

“More like, what does he have over the U.S. government?”

Eddie gapes at him.

“What? He went to Russia, man. I don’t know.”

Sure. Sure!

“Anyway,” Steve says, shifting in his seat, “once he’s got all that set, you’re outta’ here. The docs are even for it, by the way. Apparently, you’ve been good to go for the last week or so, aside from all the meds and whatnot.”

“Oh god, don’t tell me that.”

Steve pats Eddie’s knee. His hand feels warm even from beneath Eddie’s blanket.

“Don’t worry, man. It’s almost over.”

“Damn. I can't believe it's finally happening. You gonna’ be lost without having to sit at my bedside all the time, Steve?” Eddie glances up at him over his straw and bats his eyelashes for extra effect. “Maybe miss me and all the good times we've had together in my humble abode?”

Steve looks away with a grin, sending Eddie’s heart soaring. “You wish.”

He does. 

He very, very much does.

“Nah, it’ll be nice not having to drive back and forth all the time. Gas isn’t cheap since everything went down, and the Suits give me the third degree every time I show up. Plus,” Steve adds, that twinkle returning to his eye, “with you free, I’ll finally get Dustin off my back. You know he’s been hounding me to play D&D?”

“Gasp. Shock. The horror!”

“Hilarious.”

Eddie grins.

“Well, don’t worry your pretty little head, Harrington. I’ll make sure the kid still has time for you after I get him back under my wing. And I’ll visit, too — wouldn’t want you to go too long without seeing your favorite patient.”

“You say that like it’s a blessing.”

“Well, we all know my presence is a gift, Stevie,” Eddie teases.

He knows he’s pushing it with Stevie. The first time he let it slip, he half-expected a punch or for Steve to swap his meds with poison. But, none of that had been the case. Steve had just rolled with it, teasing him right back in such an incredibly Steve way.

This time is no different. Steve just shoves Eddie’s knee and gives him an eye roll so fond it makes Eddie wonder what else he could get away with. But that’s a thought for another day, one where he’s not strapped to a hospital bed and unable to make a quick exit.

Steve gets up, sending his chair squeaking against the tile.

“Good,” he replies with a wink. “Serves you right.”

Milkshake in hand, Eddie’s just glad he can count on seeing him again outside of them soon enough.

Chapter Text

For a moment, I was heaven struck.

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)]  «

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“Noted, sir.”

“We brought you cupcakes!” Dustin calls out, rushing over to where Mike had set them down. Eddie watches him weave through the group before popping up at his side, revealing an impressive assortment of treats neatly packaged just for him. He nods appreciatively at the cupcakes, and Dustin bounces in excitement beside him.

“I told these losers your favorite is chocolate, but Max mentioned her meds make certain foods taste weird now, so we ended up getting one of every flavor. You like them?”

Over Dustin’s shoulder, Eddie notices Robin and Nancy exchanging cautious glances. They must have had their hands full reassuring this crew. He smiles at them before turning back to Dustin and ruffling his hair, making the kid squirm in delight.

“They look delicious, Henderson the Honorable. I graciously accept them all.”

“We also brought you some gifts,” Will chimes in from a few steps behind Dustin. “You know, to help decorate your new room.”

Will is beaming brighter than Eddie has seen him in weeks, likely relieved now that there’s no inter-dimensional demon looming over them. He appears more confident, too, and Eddie reciprocates his enthusiasm as best he can as he glances at the gifts. A sizable pile awaits him across the room — at least ten boxes. He tries to also do his best to hide his nervousness and self-consciousness from it all, instead placing a hand on his heart and pulling a dramatic expression.

“My, my, you all really know how to spoil a guy rotten.”

The effect is immediate; Will beams and shyly avoids eye contact. Lucas seizes the moment to remind Eddie why he calls them twerps and not little angels, stepping forward and drawing attention to himself.

“You think this is wild? You should’ve seen what we did for Max! Dude, it was like TEN times bigger than this, with so much — OW!”

Elbow leaving Lucas’ now-wounded side, Max smiles apologetically at Eddie from her chair. “Ignore him. He still hasn’t regained his brain cells since the battle.”

“All good, Red.” Eddie throws her a wink for good measure. “I sincerely hope he recovers soon.”

Just then, Hopper steps out of the room, muttering about having a mountain of paperwork to handle. The kids seize the opportunity now that an adult isn’t around to rush to bring the pile of gifts over to Eddie. His bed quickly becomes a chaotic mix of wrapping paper, colorful bows, and playful bickering. As overwhelming as it all is, something about being surrounded by the kids and the joy of the day makes Eddie want to embrace the moment instead of retreating. He decides to bask in it instead.

Surprisingly? It's lovely. 

“I must say, you really pulled out all the stops. The only thing that could've made this better is if Harrington were here.”

Suddenly, Robin goes stiff. Her hand, which had been resting near Eddie’s knee, moves to the back of her neck, and he spots her cheeks flush a bright red despite her efforts to look away and hide it from him. Eddie tilts his head to get a better look at her, frowning.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” she replies quickly, though she still can’t meet his gaze. “It’s just, um, well, you know. He, uh, feels really bad about not being here.”

“He mentioned that,” Eddie says with a nod. “He has a prior commitment.”

“Yeah, his parents are really pushing him to apply for new jobs. It’s, um, definitely not his favorite thing. He’s complained about it a lot to me, so I’m sure he’s done the same with you. Maybe. I don’t think they’ll let him relax until he has at least five applications ready to submit first thing in the morning, which is just ridiculous considering he doesn’t even live with them anymore. I wish they’d just stayed away after everything settled.”

Eddie wishes that too, but his focus shifts away from that thought after Robin’s rant to her other words. What really confuses him and has him perplexed is how her story doesn't align with Steve’s at all. Steve had mentioned dinner plans, yet here’s Robin acting all anxious saying his parents are pressuring him to find a job. If Robin had said Steve was being forced to go out to dinner with them, or if Steve had mentioned he had to meet with his parents, that would be one thing. But, the two stories just don’t add up. Eddie doesn’t want them to not add up, especially when the party is going so well and things are finally looking up.

He opens his mouth to ask her about it, eager to sort this out before he gets hurt, only to be interrupted by Wayne stepping through the door.

The kids all greet him as Hopper escorts him in. Robin seizes the distraction as a chance to slip away, and if Eddie hadn’t seen Hopper moving toward his handcuffs with a key, he might have been bold enough to grab her and pull her back down in front of everyone to make her talk. Only, he definitely sees Hopper with keys, along with a nurse following behind him ready to disconnect him from the machines, and the desire to get out of this place far outweighs his curiosity or the urge to get his heart broken.

Birdie and heartbreak can wait. Right now, he’s got freedom to focus on.

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“NO WAY, MAN!” becomes his favorite phrase as he tears through the room. He bounces on his bed, laughing and pointing out all the familiar items. He strums his beloved guitar, telling Wayne he has to hear the solo that once saved everyone’s life because it was so badass, it could have blown the rest of his hair right off. Hurrying (or rather, hobbling) into the other room, he returns with the little bat El gave him and places it perfectly at the head of his bed, right on his pillows with its wings spread wide.

Then, he dives into a big hug with Wayne.

Wayne, of course, hugs him back just as tightly.

I can’t believe how close I came to losing this.

They pull back, laughing softly as they look around Eddie's room — Eddie still soaking it all in while Wayne takes in the sight of him standing there, alive and happy.

In this heartwarming moment, something Eddie hadn’t noticed before catches his eye. In the corner by his door, scattered across the wall, he initially thinks it’s a shrine. It’s covered in pictures and what appear to be sticky notes taped and arranged on the surface. For a moment, he wonders if Wayne had created a mini memorial for him. But as he approaches, he realizes it’s something much more touching and far less creepy.

It’s a collage of his friends. More than that, it’s filled with drawings and words of encouragement.

There’s a dragon drawn by Will the Wise himself, complete with a mini Eddie vanquishing it with a sword.

A photo of him, Robin, and Steve from the day he finally had his arm stitches removed.

A poem written by El, decorated with the sparkliest stickers.

A shared stick-figure doodle of Eddie and Max cheering for Lucas at a basketball game, complete with snarky commentary from the two of them as they’re decked out in team gear — an enduring reminder of his promise to go see Lucas play one day.

Eddie is so touched that he has to rest his hand on the nearby dresser to keep from collapsing onto the floor. It’s the most thoughtful thing he’s ever seen, even more meaningful than his diploma from Nancy. Wayne joins him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to keep Eddie from noticing his own unshed tears.

“Pretty great of them, huh?” Wayne points at another drawing. It’s Eddie depicted as a valiant knight, clearly drawn with the skill of a fifth grader — Dustin's unmistakable handiwork. “Captured you pretty well.”

“Screw you.”

Wayne chuckles, and Eddie catches a sniffle as well. “You should’ve seen them all begging to come in here and decorate. The original plan was to replace all your posters with this stuff, but I think I might’ve lost my mind if they stuck around long enough to do that. Even that Steve kid agreed with me.”

Eddie's ears perk up. “Steve?”

“He was in charge of this little arts and crafts project,” Wayne explains, causing Eddie’s stomach to do a somersault. “While he was helping to clean out our place, he noticed all your posters were torn and scattered on the floor. He got emotional and all determined to fix it somehow. The moment I got the keys to this place, it was like I had awakened a sleeper agent.”

Eddie shakes his head in disbelief. As if Steve couldn’t get any more dreamy, now he turns out to be behind one of the kindest gestures anyone has ever done for him? Of course. Why should he be surprised at this point?

“You heard from him lately, Harrington?”

Blinking, Eddie turns to Wayne. “No. Why would I hear from him? Why would you think I’d—”

“Oh don’t go playin’ coy with me, he’s only lived by your bedside for months. Now, have you heard from him?”

“There’s nothing going on,” Eddie retorts, fully ignoring Wayne, his cheeks burning. “It’s not like that.”

“Sure.”

“He was just… being nice!”

Wayne huffs and nudges Eddie with his hip as he heads toward the door. “Tell me, how many guys do you know who would do all that just to be nice?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“Gotcha.”

“To answer your question, I haven’t heard from him today, but we’re hanging out next week — as FRIENDS,” he adds, noticing Wayne’s unimpressed glare. “He was busy with something. Probably his family. They’re always needing him for appearances and stuff. You know, rich people things.”

Wayne nods, but Eddie can tell he’s still skeptical.

Damn.

“I’ll keep you updated on the wedding date when it comes, if that makes you happy.”

Wayne pats the door frame. “There you go. Better. I’m gonna take a nap if you need me. Enjoy the room in the meantime though, kid. You deserve it.”

Eddie can't maintain his grumpy, embarrassed facade around Wayne after that. Feeling bashful and touched, he gives Wayne a small salute. “On it, sir.”

Satisfied with that, Wayne steps outside and closes the door behind him, leaving Eddie alone.

Without wasting a moment, Eddie flops down on his new bed, letting the springs bounce him and soothe his weary hospital bed bones. He takes a moment to revel in the softness of the bedding, the sheer size of his room, and the fact that it’s all his with no strings attached. Soon enough, he finds himself dreaming about the very boy “friend” who made it all possible.

In his dream, they’re at a dock skipping rocks. Eddie can’t tell which dock it is, but he notices it’s painted in warm hues of orange and yellow as the sun sets behind them. Eddie manages a good three-bounce skip, which Steve soon follows with a four-bouncer. They laugh and exchange friendly banter. Steve bumps his shoulder against Eddie’s. Eddie considers pushing Steve into the water, but decides against it, preferring to watch him laugh instead. A warm feeling spreads through him. They feel at home in each other’s company.

Then, emboldened by this warmth, dream-Eddie throws caution to the wind and risks getting tossed into the murky water himself.

“Have you ever been with a guy? Like, romantically?”

The question slips out before Eddie's subconscious can intervene. To his surprise, it lands wonderfully with Steve. He doesn’t react with anger or jokes — just stares at Eddie with wide eyes and a blush that rivals the pink sky, until he finally gathers himself and admits he never has.

Eddie almost leaves it at that, but then Steve quietly adds, “But I want to.”

What else can Eddie do but fulfill Steve’s wish and kiss him silly?

He does just that, closing the distance between himself and dream!Steve, and planting a breathtaking kiss on his lips. It’s deep and borderline messy, with Steve nibbling on Eddie’s lip while Eddie moans into Steve’s mouth like a lovesick fool. In a moment of clarity, Eddie wonders if it’s possible to get drunk in dreams. It must be, because when he pulls away for air, he tells Steve without a hint of hesitation that he can have way more than just romance and a kiss if he wants.

Dream!Steve giggles, equally flustered, and finally shoves Eddie into the water.

Eddie quickly pulls him in after him.

They make out and explore the potential for more.

Then, Eddie wakes up to the soft glow of reality’s sunset, sweat on his brow, and a smile firmly on his face.

Chapter Text

Am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)]  «

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It’s almost six.

It’s almost six, and Eddie’s freaking out.

Okay, he’s not totally freaking out just yet. His heart is just pounding a little bit in his chest while he’s getting ready. That’s normal for a casual dinner with a friend, right? To feel like you’re halfway to a panic attack or bursting into tears at the thought of seeing your friend and eating with them? So normal. So very real.

Eddie opens his closet and lets out a long, dramatic groan.

He’s just missed Steve so much these past few days. He didn’t think it’d be this bad not having Steve around, but every day without his bright smile and his freakin’ charming-ass personality has felt like a never-ending, torturous eternity. Hanging out with Dustin and grabbing lunch with the Corroded Coffin guys has helped, sure, but it’s not the same. It can’t compare to the rush of being around Steve — his friend, his crush— that he’s grown so used to seeing regularly, especially after surviving something life-altering together.

He’s so royally fucked. 

There’s no time to be royally fucked though, he reminds himself as he sorts through his clothes. Steve will be here in fifteen minutes. That gives him exactly fourteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds to get Steve-Harrington-ready before the guy walks in and makes his presence known. He can't be seen wandering around mumbling to himself or having a mild breakdown while half-dressed. This might be his only chance to impress him! Or at the very least, convince Steve that he’s not the hot mess his heart keeps insisting he is. That, too. 

To do the job, Eddie first pulls out his favorite pair of jeans. They're this black and ripped thing, with white fading near the shins and metal studs on the pockets. He’s pretty sure they make his ass look fantastic. Hopefully, Steve thinks the same. Next, he grabs a worn red Led Zeppelin tee Wayne gave him a few years back and his chunky black boots. He also throws on some leather bracelets after seeing some of his gnarly bat scars near his wrists and realizing those probably were not the best things to advertise on a ‘fun night out’ like this. A little smudge of black eyeliner later, and he’s done. Ready. Complete.

The second he looks in the mirror, though, he feels like tearing it all off and starting over. But hey, at least he’s presentable!

There’s just no manual for hanging out with Steve, no guidebook for how to dress around him. How’s Eddie supposed to know if Steve’s going to show up looking like a preppy jock or something straight out of his wildest nerdy fantasies? Steve’s got too much range. Eddie’s got way too much anxiety to handle all that range when it’s paired with a social outing and the swirling mess of emotions in his chest.

He groans into the quiet night.

And then groans again.

And then groans one more time like some kind of tortured demon just as the doorbell rings.

It takes a few stumbles, plenty of cursing, and even a muttered complaint from Wayne in his new office when Eddie nearly collapses against the door for support after his ankle gives out, but Eddie eventually makes it to the front door in one piece. He pauses for a couple of deep, calming breaths before even considering opening it, and even then, he’s not sure he can go through with this. But then, the doorbell rings again. Whether he likes it or not, he knows he has to act.

Steve’s here. Steve’s ready. Steve’s not going to wait forever, and if Eddie doesn’t open the door, he’ll never forgive himself.

With a pitiful whine, Eddie swings the door open.

Of course, Steve looks incredible standing there on the other side of it.

Eddie briefly wonders if Steve’s ever had a day where he didn’t look fantastic, or what that would even look like. His hair is doing that perfectly windswept thing, soft and tousled like he just stepped out of a shampoo commercial. His sweater is a cozy patchwork of red, tan, blue, and green, stitched together in a way that screams comfort, and it's paired with whitewashed jeans that are rolled into casual cuffs at the ankles. The only matching part of his outfit is the green swoosh on his Nike’s, and somehow, that makes it even more endearing. Eddie feels weak in the knees.

He feels like throwing up, but puts on a smile anyways.

“Well, well, Steve Harrington. Fancy seeing you around here.”

Steve grins, letting out a small chuckle. God, Eddie’s missed him. “Hey yourself. You ready?”

“Depends,” Eddie replies with a smirk, “do I get to know where we’re going before we leave?”

Steve’s face scrunches up with a positively adorable tilt of his head. He folds his arms as well, rucking up his sweater a little over his pants line, and damn him, it’s distracting the hell out of Eddie. His throat suddenly feels dry. 

“What, you don’t trust me to take you somewhere good? After all I’ve done for you, man?”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Ah, yes, my sincerest apologies, good sir,” he says dramatically, giving a little bow for extra effect. “How could I ever doubt your excellent outing-planning skills? Clearly, I’ve forgotten all those countless adventures around Hawkins that you’ve expertly orchestrated with me at your side. Must’ve slipped my silly little mind.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

They share smirks. Life feels wonderful for a moment.

It’s that kind of infectious laughter that creeps in between bites and pauses and just keeps bubbling up. Eddie doesn’t mind being the source of Steve’s amusement. Not one bit. He’s more than happy to act the fool if it means making Steve laugh like that. Plus, it’s way better than Steve being the one making those kinds of sounds.

Eddie definitely wouldn’t be able to keep it together if he kept up with that.

“So, uh, there’s something I wanted to tell you,” Steve’s voice breaks through the banter. Eddie makes a muffled noise around his straw, encouraging him to continue. “It’s kind of why I insisted on paying tonight.”

“Go on.”

“I lied to you.”

Eddie blinks, letting that sink in for a moment. He wonders if there’s anything Steve could possibly say at this point that would actually make him upset and promptly shuts that down, fearing the worst.

“Um. Okay?”

“I didn’t have dinner with my parents.”

Eddie blinks again. This time though, he fades into a smile that leaves only to toss in another french fry. 

“Ah, yeah, I kinda pieced that together when Birdie’s story didn’t match yours. You two should probably work on your coordination, by the way.”

Steve’s face pales slightly. “Oh. Uh, shit. Right. Yeah, I guess.”

“I don’t know why you were so set on hiding your job hunt from me, though,” Eddie continues, munching on more fries. “Like, sure, it’s probably rough finding something around here after all the craziness, but come on. You worked at Scoops Ahoy, man! You wore a sailor suit every day. Not much could top that in the embarrassing department. Unless…” Eddie leans in, eyes narrowing playfully. “You’re not secretly applying to be a clown, are you?”

“No! No, Eddie, what the—” Steve’s face scrunches up, tone shifting to exasperation. “I’m not applying to be a fuckin’ clown in Hawkins, Indiana.”

Eddie raises his hands in mock surrender. “Just had to make sure, man. I’d have to reconsider our whole friendship if you were secretly a clown. Clowns fuckin' freak me out.”

Of course, that’s a blatant lie. Eddie would get on his hands and knees for Steve wearing just about any silly, stupid gear, easily. Steve doesn’t have to know that, though.

Not yet, anyway.

He shifts his focus back to Steve, who’s busy trying to shake off the clown comment with a sip of his milkshake.

“You’re safe there. No, uh, clowning around on my end.”

“Good. So beyond cheesy wording there, but good.”

“Sorry. But uh… I wasn’t actually job hunting.”

Eddie freezes mid-reach for a fry. “Huh?”

Steve bites his cheek, clearly trying to figure out how to explain. “Yeah, I mean, I am looking for jobs. My parents are basically holding my inheritance hostage until I get one, and honestly, I’d love to get them off my back. But, uh, that’s not why I missed your party.”

Eddie frowns. “If you weren't scanning the classifieds, why’d you bail?”

“I, um…I sorta' had a date. With my girlfriend.”

Girlfriend.

Girl. Friend.

A girl who is a friend who gets to call Steve hers, who kisses him, who plans a future with him. 

A girl who is definitely not Eddie Munson — a guy who could never offer Steve the things she could: stability, a big family, a squeaky-clean reputation.

That kind of girlfriend.

A fry slips from Eddie’s hand.

“Oh.”

Steve must catch on to Eddie’s change in mood, because he leans in a little, his concern showing. Normally, Eddie’s good at hiding his feelings, but this? This is too raw, too close. His face probably gives away every ounce of disappointment he’s feeling.

“I-I’m sorry,” Steve says, sounding genuine as if he needs to apologize for having a love life. “I didn’t want to ditch. It’s just… the date had been planned for a while, long before Hopper told us you’d be out. And Julie was really excited. I didn’t want to let her down.”

Didn’t want to let her down. Because she’s his girlfriend. And, obviously, that takes priority over his friend.

Eddie’s stomach drops further, sinking lower than he thought possible.

He’s such a fool. Oh God, he’s been such a fool.

“No, yeah, um. That makes sense,” he mumbles, staring at the table, looking anywhere but at Steve — the crack in the wood, the salt scattered around his fries, crumbs on the floor.  “You know, Guy Code and all. Wouldn’t wanna mess things up with the Missus.”

Steve winces at that, frowning as he tilts his head. “Eddie-”

“She, uh. Have a good time?”

“Yeah. Yeah, the date was good,” Steve says softly, his eyes still filled with that irritating concern, like he’s worried about Eddie. It’s almost patronizing, but Eddie can’t. stop. fixating on it. “Julie’s a really nice girl. I think you two would get along really well.”

Steve pauses, and Eddie can’t help but wonder, selfishly, if Steve gets choked up like this when talking about him all bloodied and broken.

“We kept in touch after that, so I could know if she was okay. I dunno know, we just clicked from there. I took her out on a date about a week later once you woke up and I could finally relax a bit.”

He didn’t even have Steve to himself for a whole week.

Never even stood a chance.

Fuck.

“She’s... she’s a dream man,” Steve goes on, clearly unaware of how little Eddie wants to hear more, even as his twisted curiosity keeps him from stopping him in his tracks. “She’s got these gorgeous brown curls and these blue eyes, man. Like, crystal clear. And her laugh- oh, man, her laugh-”

“No offense Steve, but if you keep going on with that mushy shit, I’m gonna gag all over these fries.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry. Uh, no more mushy stuff.” Eddie hates how cute he comes off, all flustered trying to think of stuff. Sickening. “Well, uh, she’s an artist. She makes pottery on the side. And she sings, too. I’m pretty sure she performs at some café in Indy pretty regularly. The Java Hut, I think? Also, her family’s big in the insurance business, which is kinda why Robin didn’t totally lie about Thursday. Her dad’s trying to hook me up with a job at his firm, and my parents are all over it.”

Eddie doesn’t even know where to start with that. Steve? In insurance? Pushing papers, dealing with claims? After everything he’s done, all the monsters he’s fought, all the lives he’s touched, he's okay with ending up in that? And, of course, Julie just has to be a singer, too. Not just that, but an actual artist with her own gig in the city and similar hair as him. Steve might as well have basically described Eddie’s nightmare competition for love. He can’t compete with that.

Feeling queasy, Eddie leans back in his chair, trying to keep it together.

“That’s great, Stevie,” he says, fighting back the wave of emotion — tears, nausea, everything. “Uh, I think I’m not doing too hot over here. Meds, you know.” Another lie. He’s a mess of them tonight.

Steve’s face falls immediately, and the guilt hits Eddie like a truck. At least now he feels genuinely sick and isn't a total liar. 

“Oh shit. Shit, sorry, um- yeah, no, we can totally ditch if you need to, Eddie. Do you need the bathroom? Or, like, to head home? What do you prefer? Just say the word.”

Eddie feels a tear threaten his right eye and rubs it, flashing Steve what no doubt must be a pretty pitiful smile. “Nah. I’m not that bad, just… I need a bit away from food, I think.” And from talk of your perfect girlfriend. “Really, it’ll pass.”

“Seriously Eddie, if you need to go home, we can go home. I won’t be upset.”

Robin, frozen in place.

Robin, clearly not expecting Eddie and fully aware that he knows about her little lie, judging by her expression.

Steve, blissfully unaware, smiles. “Hey, Robs!”

“Hi,” she squeaks, eyes pleading with Eddie to play it cool. He feels anything but. “You, uh, make it to the diner okay?”

“Yeah!” Steve declares, rubbing Eddie’s back like that’ll magically make everything better. “The food was great, but Eddie wasn’t feeling too hot, so we came back here to see if he could rest up. That cool?”

Robin nods, and then in what Eddie can only assume is either an attempt to make up for her betrayal or add to his misery, she plops herself on the couch — leaving Eddie to be alone with Steve.

Eddie barely restrains himself from throttling her.

“I’m about to do some reading,” Robin says, trying to sound casual, “but yeah, Eddie can stay. Just, um, let me know if you need anything, Eddie.”

Eddie grits his teeth. “Thanks, Robin. How considerate of you.”

Her face pales, and Eddie takes satisfaction in it.

Steve, clueless to the tension, announces, “We can chill in my room.” He then turns to Eddie, all smiles, bless his heart. “C’mon, man.”

Eddie follows Steve like a dutiful soldier, but not before shooting Robin one last glare.

Steve’s room is much nicer than his old one — the chaotic mess Robin dubbed “checkered hell.” The walls are a calming blue, the floor has a plush gray carpet, and in the center is a queen-sized bed with a navy duvet. A dresser holds a TV set, and next to it, Eddie spots a record player. There’s even an air freshener with a woodsy scent, probably covering up weed or cigarettes. The walls are mostly bare too, save for a few of Dustin’s unmistakable doodles. Near the closet, Eddie notices an orange cut-off tee hanging from the hamper.

It’s all so Steve. Eddie could cry.

“Here we are,” Steve says, turning on the bedside lamp. “If you still feel sick, the bathroom’s just down the hall toward the living room and on the left.”

“Thanks,” Eddie mutters, still taking it all in. “I think, um, it’s passed for the most part.”

It hasn’t. If anything, it’s worse. There’s no way he’s confessing that now, though. Not here. Not in Casa de Harrington. 

If Eddie flirts a little by batting his eyelashes, nudging Steve’s side again, and asking him to go and "be there for his protection" to get his way? Well, that’s his little secret.

His secret that works.

Steve folds almost instantly, laughing at Eddie with crinkled eyes filled with fondness. He draws the line at wearing leather or anything Eddie typically sports to that kind of place, but that’s fine by Eddie. Anything is better than the alternative. He'd happily take Steve dressed in a nun's costume if it meant they could spend more time together — even if it’s tinged with a bit of delusion on his part.

Soon after their chat, once MTV shifts to music they both don’t care about and Eddie’s crackers and Sprite are long gone, Steve yawns and makes the call that their time together is over. He needs to get Eddie home before he passes out and can't drive anymore. As he stretches, revealing a bit of skin where his shirt rides up, Eddie knows he has to agree. He’s already pushed his patience and ability to stay composed far enough today. If he sees more skin than that, he might not be able to hold it together.

Eddie slips his boots back on and follows Steve out of the room toward the front door.

Robin, they come to find, is still 'reading' as they pass by. She gets a small wave from Steve, while Eddie narrows his eyes at her, giving her a look that clearly says, "this isn’t over."

Judging by the way her face pales as he steps outside, Eddie feels confident that his message was received loud and clear.

Chapter Text

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)]  «

1:15 ──〇──── 4:14

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"You knew about her and didn’t tell me, Robin? I thought we were friends! What kind of move is that?”

“I was sworn to secrecy, okay?” She snaps back, clearly stressed on the other end. “Steve would’ve killed me in my sleep if I let it slip. I’m talking about total annihilation, no traces left behind, stuffed in a freezer forever, gone. And since we share a house now, he could totally get away with it! Our freezer out back is big enough! I’ve checked!”

“Thanks for that lovely mental image and mildly concerning fact about your freezer, Buckley, but given my current predicament, hearing about your secret dealings with Steve and the capabilities of your shared appliances isn’t exactly productive here.” Eddie throws his head back and rolls his eyes dramatically. It’s a shame no one else is there to witness it; it’s practically award-worthy. Wayne would give it a perfect ten, and he’s seen them all over the years. “Better question. Does anyone else know? Is it just us?”

“...maybe?”

Eddie smacks his forehead in frustration.

“I don’t know!” Robin groans into the phone, her voice trembling as if she’s bouncing nervously in place. “It’s not my secret, okay? I have no idea who Steve has or hasn’t told beyond the confines of me and the gremlins.”

“The KIDS knew before I did?”

“Oh god, help me.”

“This can’t be real.”

“I wanted to tell you, Eddie, you gotta' believe me.”

“Why should I, pray tell, Miss Betrayer?”

“Because I know more than most in this godforsaken town how hard it is to deal with this kind of stuff,” she pleads. “I get that this probably feels like a shot to the heart, and you might think I’m the absolute worst — who knows, maybe I am, probably I am. But Steve is my best friend, and he was really adamant that I kept it a secret. He said he didn’t want it to be a big deal, and I wasn’t going to go against his wishes and make it one.”

“Telling me the second they got together would’ve avoided all this,” Eddie practically laughs, his voice tight with frustration. “If you’d told me before I left the hospital and looked up at him like a lovesick puppy, this wouldn’t have happened. Finding out from you only after a direct confrontation has turned it into a reaaaaaaaaaaally big damn deal, I’m afraid!”

Robin whines, and Eddie thinks he even hears her foot hit the floor. “I thought Steve was going to tell you sooner! I-I’m sorry, Eddie!”

“Yeah, well,” Eddie hits his head against the wall next to the phone, squeezing his eyes shut. “He clearly didn’t.”

“Look, maybe…m-maybe this is a good thing!”

“The fuck do you mean by that? Seriously, how on Earth is this a good thing? How-”

“I’m just saying,” Robin interrupts, ignoring his incredulous tone, “maybe this is a sign that Steve isn’t the one for you. This could be your way out. You know, before things get too complicated or any lines are crossed. You can still save your friendship completely unscathed!”

“No. Nope. I’m not just going to accept that all willy-nilly.” Eddie shakes his head. “Nuh-uh. I’d be scarred.”

“But Eddie-”

“Would you do it if the tables were turned?” He asks, his tone sharp as a knife. “If this were Vickie, would you just back off and say, ‘Oh well, I’ll just bury my feelings and be her best-er friend?' Would that be okay for you?”

Robin falls silent, then sighs softly, defeated. “That’s different.”

Eddie can’t see the difference. At all.

“We weren't friends before.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“It’s true,” she insists. “We were in band together, but we weren’t close. My crush was based on hypotheticals and a few awkward sentences we exchanged amidst my complete social ineptitude and her dislike of practice. If I lost the chance for us to become more than just casual acquaintances, it would suck, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I’d just move on to the next person who could toss out one-liners and smile like her like nothing ever happened. But Steve is so much more than that to you, Eddie. I know it; I’ve seen it. Maybe that’s not worth risking with such a massively colossal gamble.”

“Your concern for me is admirable. Buuuuuut,” he says, drawing out the word and emphasizing the sharpness of the T at the end, “who’s to say this would ruin everything? Why is it automatically assumed he’d shut me down and never want to talk to me again?”

“Why are you assuming that’s what I think is going to happen?”

Eddie almost hangs up on her. “What are you even saying?”

“We all know Steve. He falls hard and fast, but he doesn’t always think things through. I feel horrible saying this, but who’s to say Julie will even stick around? Is it really worth saying something now and jumping the gun when this girl could be old news tomorrow, and your name could be at the top of his list?”

“First of all, Robin, his last girlfriend was Nancy. He dated her for what, a year? The man was already imagining six kids and a whole-ass car payment with her. Timing has nothing to do with that man's affection for anything.”

“...fine, touché.”

“Second,” Eddie continues, straining, “if my name is next in line, why would it be such a gamble to put my heart on the line now? Why do I have to wait for nature to take its course instead of fighting for what I know is good?”

“Do you even know it’s good, though?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve hung out with Steve a lot, and he saved you from danger, but do you know what he’d be like as a boyfriend? Can you describe any examples of that to me right now?”

“Is this a freakin’ grade school test on Steve's dating life? What the hell, man?”

Robin groans. “I’m just trying to help you, Eddie! I don’t want you to be reckless with yourself over something you’ve imagined in your head. I’ve been there! It doesn’t end well. I don’t want that for you. For either of you.”

Clutching the phone tightly, with his eyes squeezed shut once more, Eddie tries his best to hear Robin. He really does. He attempts to see her words for what they are: the concerns of a friend who cares. He tries to convince himself that maybe, just maybe, there’s a hint of truth in what she’s saying. Perhaps this is the reality check he needs after envisioning a future with Steve following his near-death experience.

But then, his heart gets involved. It floods him with memories of the moments he’s shared with Steve — the times he felt seen, the thoughtfulness Steve showed, and the joy he brought into Eddie’s life. He can’t dismiss all of that as a mere illusion. Not now, especially when the weight of those feelings is so heavy in his heart.

When he opens his eyes again, he replies with, “I’ll think about it.” He knows those words aren’t entirely true, and he can feel the weight of that realization as Robin urges him one last time before hanging up, still holding on to a mix of delusion, love, or something else entirely.

Once she’s gone and the dial tone rings in his ear, Eddie collapses onto his bed, still unsure which feeling will prevail.

✦✦✦

Chapter Text

I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)]  «

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“WHEELER! Open up!”

Eddie can’t believe he’s doing this. 

The story should have ended there. He should’ve been able to drop off the notebook and head back home like it was no big deal. But, Mike’s family is anything but simple — they’re...eccentric? Nosy? Overbearing? Eddie still isn’t sure what to call them, but they’re definitely something, and they left quite the impression on him.

Karen Wheeler had greeted him at the door in a neon pink leotard, panting with her hair pulled back into a damp ponytail and skin freshly damp from a workout class. Whether she was blissfully unaware of how she looked or completely aware to the point Eddie should’ve been worried, he couldn’t tell. Karen, however, didn’t seem the least bit concerned. She simply giggled, apologized for being "super sweaty," and asked what she could do for him, adding a little “sweetie” at the end for good measure.

Eddie had no idea if he should’ve bolted, laughed, or taken her as a legitimate threat to his sanity. In the end, he chose to do none of those things. Instead, he shrugged her off as just another one of Hawkins’ overzealous housewives and said he needed to see Mike. Karen happily called for Mike in seconds.

But she wasn’t the real nightmare. That title was reserved for her husband, who appeared around the corner just as Mike yelled from the basement that he’d be up in a minute.

If looks could kill, Ted Wheeler’s glare would be the equivalent of a military-grade assault weapon. The man’s face had contorted with such a mix of disgust and utter confusion at the sight of Eddie — decked out in leather, chains, and smudged eyeliner — that it looked almost painful for him. The look alone gave Eddie the creeps, and the cold, monotone disdain Ted muttered after didn’t help matters. The second Mike rushed up to grab the notebook from Eddie’s hands, he was out of there and vowed to avoid the Wheeler house like the plague.

That is, until today — because Steve Harrington called for desperate measures.

Eddie mutters a curse as he bangs on the door.

Nancy answers, looking every bit as intimidating as her father.

“Are you out of your mind?” She quickly reprimands, wrapping her robe around herself as the morning chill sets in. “Eddie, do you even realize what time it is? What if my dad had heard you? He would’ve killed you!”

“I apologize for the disturbance, dear Nancy, but I’ve come risking my oh-so-precious life once again because it’s urgent,” he replies, his voice barely above a whisper as he burrows into his Dio sweatshirt. “It’s about Steve.”

Nancy pauses for a moment, then crosses her arms.

“Steve? What about him? Is he okay?”

“If you let me into your very warm house instead of leaving me out in the cold to shiver every last one of my timbers off, I might consider answering that,” he retorts.

His sarcasm earns him a disapproving look from Nancy, but she eventually relents, allowing him to slip inside her home while casting a few wary glances over her shoulder. Eddie is pleased to see that not much has changed around the house since his last visit; it makes his next move much easier.

Before Nancy can object, he grabs her hand and pulls her toward the basement. She whisper-yells at him, calling him an idiot among other things, but it does nothing to deter him. He brings her straight to the basement, ensures she’s inside, and then locks the door behind them.

She plops down on the couch, clearly annoyed.

“You dated Steve, right?”

Nancy raises an eyebrow, and he can almost hear her thoughts racing as she tries to grasp his point. “Yes?”

“And you’ve moved on from him successfully, correct?”

“Yes,” she replies, more slowly this time. “But Eddie, what does my relationship with Steve have to do with anything? Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?”

“He’s fine —better than fine, actually— but I won’t be if you don’t help me get over him. Do you understand?”

He’s seen Nancy. He’s watched her a lot in the hospital over the past few weeks and realized she’s nothing like her family despite what it says on her package. She followed Mike and Will around like a guard dog when they first showed up hand-in-hand, giving Eddie a glare that seemed to say, "Try saying anything about them." She heard Robin accidentally reveal her attraction to girls and didn’t call her out on it. By all accounts, Nancy seems like someone he can take a chance on. He needs her to be, at least.

Thankfully, she is. 

As the shock fades from her face, she softens. Her body language relaxes, and she pats the couch next to her, inviting Eddie to join her. When he does, her expression turns empathetic, as if she’s letting him know she understands what it’s like to feel so hopeless over Steve. Eddie can’t deny that he feels comforted by it.

So much so that when Nancy asks him to explain the situation, he spills everything.

The dreams, the pining, the Julie. Everything.  

To his relief, she listens intently. Her analytical nature keeps her focused, never interrupting or condescending. It’s perhaps the only thing preventing him from spiraling, aside from her hand, which rests over his. It stays there when he finishes and looks to her for something — words, advice, anything.

She chews on the inside of her cheek.

“Mind if I say something that you probably won’t like?”

“Shoot.”

“I don’t think I can help you get over him.”

It’s a miracle that her words only make Eddie grit his teeth instead of spontaneously combusting like he wants to. She offers an apologetic smile.

“Well, let me rephrase that. You can get over him in some ways. I don’t want to be his girlfriend anymore, and I’ve accepted that we’re both better off for it. But,” she says, meeting his gaze seriously, “I don’t think the fondness for him will ever completely fade. Steve, despite all his mistakes and boneheaded moments, is a really good guy. He’s incredibly kind and has matured into someone I wish he’d been when we first met. You can’t just stop feeling something for him. I know I can’t, and I don’t think you’ll ever be able to either. Not right now, at least.”

“How do you cope with that?” His voice trembles. “How are you not suffocated by how much he still makes you care, or by all the what-ifs? I’d guess drugs, but I keep an eye on everyone around here, and as far as I know, you haven’t broken my heart by buying from someone else.”

Nancy shakes her head, amused. “You’re right. I wouldn’t do you that disservice if I ever went down that road.”

“Thanks for that.”

“Anyway, my secret,” she continues gently, “is that you have to find peace with your situation. You need to accept that things happen for a reason and trust that the path you’re on is what’s best for you. I could drive myself crazy thinking about the life I could have with Steve right now, but I’ve chosen not to. I’ve accepted that we’ve parted ways and that my future is with Jonathan now. I’ll always have love for Steve, but I’m content not being in love with him. You have to find a way to be content with just loving him.”

Eddie stares at her, his mind a blank slate at the mere thought of doing something like that. Eventually, he shakes his head and waves her off. “That sounds nice, but I don’t think I could ever get there, Wheeler.”

“You might not have to, if you’re lucky,” Nancy replies with a small smile, her thumb rubbing over his. “But, you’re definitely capable of getting there if you need to. It’s not easy and takes time, but I promise it’s possible for everyone. I also promise that you can safely talk to Steve about how you feel.”

Pulling his hands away, Eddie shakes his head and stands up. “No. No, no, no. Are you crazy? Talk to Steve? I’d rather die again, actually.”

“Hey,” she says, tugging him back down to the couch by his sleeve, “Steve is more than capable of understanding complicated social situations when given the chance. If what you’re saying is true, he has feelings for you, too. He cares about you and your well-being. I don’t think he’d let you down here, no matter how he feels. He’d make sure you’re okay. He can’t do any of that if you keep this from him, though. Trust me; I’ve let secrets cause us a lot of pain. Don’t do that to yourselves.”

Eddie can’t help but whine. “What if I’m terrified?”

“You’re allowed to be. Like I said, it’s not easy.” Nancy scoots a bit closer to him. He frowns. “I was a mess for a long time over Steve and still have my moments. You should definitely go into this protecting your heart just in case. But, it’s Steve. If you never take your shot, you’ll never know.”

“And who knows?” She adds, pulling back with a wink. “Feelings can change a lot, and Steve obviously cares about you. He wouldn’t have risked everything to get you out of the Upside Down if he didn’t. Maybe this conversation will lead to something good. If it doesn’t though, and you really need help getting past him? You know where to find me. We can work through this together.”

To their surprise, Eddie pulls Nancy in for a tight hug. “Thank you. I owe you one.”

“Just remember that the next time Mike is begging to sleep over at your place,” she replies, pulling back with a broad grin.

“Hey, if I manage to pull this off and Steve becomes mine? I’d gladly take the little idiot as my only punishment. There are far worse things I could deal with.”

With one final smirk exchanged between what could very well be friends, Eddie stands up and allows Nancy to lead him out of the basement, free from nightmares — for now.

✦✦✦

As tempting as it might have been for Eddie to head straight to Steve’s, he decides to wait a bit. It's partially to calm his frayed nerves, which feel like they’re seconds away from breaking, but also to address his other bodily functions—namely, the awful hunger gnawing at his stomach after waking up so early.

Confessing feelings is not for the faint of heart, and it’s definitely not for the empty of stomach. Eddie knows he can’t afford to be nauseous going into something like this. So, he makes a pit stop at the nearest diner, a quaint little spot with an old jukebox and classic décor, where he treats himself to a hearty meal. Scrambled eggs, sausages, and two waffles work wonders to soothe his soul. Eating also gives Eddie the chance to reflect on his words and properly prepare for what’s ahead. The meal rejuvenates him so much that he leaves the waitress a nearly thirty percent tip, a significant step up from his usual generosity.

About fifteen minutes later, after growing tired of circling Steve’s new neighborhood, Eddie finally mulls up the courage to pull into Steve’s driveway. He tightens the strings of his sweatshirt around himself as he steps out and approaches the door. Heart racing, he knocks and does his best to convince himself not to chicken out, to trust that this will work out okay.

You’ve got this.

Steve will be accepting of you no matter what you say.

Things will all work out in the end. 

If Nancy can get through this, you can, too.

Just trust the plan.

Just-

“Oh, hi!”

Eddie freezes.

Julie.

She stands at the door, right in front of him in the flesh. Her hair is just as fluffy and brown as Steve described, styled today with a neon-orange scrunchie holding it together just off to the side for an extra touch. Her eyes are exactly as he’d been told — piercing blue and genuinely captivating. However, they aren’t captivating enough to distract Eddie from her smudged lips, which look just-kissed as if to mock him.

Dread washes over him like a tidal wave. Maybe those waffles weren’t the best choice.

His heart starts to skip beats.

“Who are you?”

Blinking back to the present, Eddie shoves his hands deep into his sweatshirt pockets, nearly hard enough to hurt. “Sorry. Um, I’m Eddie. Steve’s friend?”

Julie gasps, her hands flying to her mouth. “Oh my god, you’re Eddie?”

“Yes?”

“Steve’s told me SO much about you,” she exclaims, bouncing in place. Her excitement must let some of the chilly morning air in, because she quickly wraps herself tighter in her matching orange bathrobe. It looks soft and fluffy. Eddie wonders, almost absently, if Steve likes it. “I can’t believe I finally get to meet you! I’m Julie, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,” he replies, sparing her the same enthusiasm. “Is he here by chance? Steve?”

“Oh no, you just missed him,” she replies. “He went to grab us some milkshakes. I know it sounds a little silly since it’s barely morning, but I’ve been craving them ever since Steve told me about the ones you guys had. Your favorite flavor is cookies and cream, right?”

Shellshocked, Eddie can only manage a nod. Julie giggles with delight at her accurate guess and starts chatting about her favorite flavor. Eddie, on the other hand, barely registers any of it. He doesn’t fully return to his body until she invites him inside. It’s warmer there. It’s also noticeably empty.

“Where’s Robin?”

“Oh, she spent the night with that red-haired girl she’s friends with,” Julie explains, shrugging off her robe and draping it over the couch as she heads toward the kitchen. “Vickie, I think?”

That checks , Eddie thinks. He takes off his sweatshirt and hangs it by the door.

“Yeah. Are you, uh… hanging around here today?”

“Caught me,” Julie says, flashing him a smile as she fills a glass with water. “I was actually getting ready to do some early-morning painting. I find my best inspiration usually comes before the day gets noisy. You’re more than welcome to stay and watch if you want to wait for Steve — I don’t mind.”

Since every step Eddie takes feels like wading through syrup, he’s grateful to plop down on the couch and do just that. He reclines and observes as Julie sets up her supplies — a canvas, paints, and a small tarp — on the coffee table. She seems well-practiced in her routine. He’d be fascinated if he weren’t feeling so disoriented.

“You know, Eddie, based on everything I’ve heard from Robin and Steve, I feel like I already know you.”

“Not to be weird or anything, but there’s something he mentioned about you that I’m really glad to see was true.”

Eddie perks up and tilts his head. “What’s that?”

“You’re not a conformist,” she replies, a twinkle in her eye. Setting her brush aside, she leans back on her feet and gestures toward him. Eddie’s gaze drifts over his outfit. “You look like someone who isn’t afraid to dress in a way that the people in this town would typically frown upon. Or act that way. It’s really cool how effortlessly you pull it off.”

“What’s stopping you from doing the same for yourself?”

Julie offers a wistful grin. “An overbearing mother, a corporate father, and generations of pressure to be the perfect housewife.”

“Gross.”

“Yeah.”

“So, you don’t want any of that?”

She shrugs. “Not in the way she wants it. She grew up in a time when girls were expected to be these subservient, mindless drones, just cooking, cleaning, and raising a family while the guy worked long hours. She was never in love with my dad; he was just a means to an end. He still is. I’d love to have a family, even a big one, but I would never want what she had. I want a true partner, you know?”

Eddie’s heart aches for her. At the same time, he curses the universe for making her someone he can’t dislike and someone who resembles Steve in such a profound way. He had hoped she would be vastly different, especially given the whole insurance job thing. But, she sounds a lot like what Steve could have been if none of the Upside Down chaos had happened, or perhaps like Nancy 2.0. He feels for her.

Trying to show some good faith, he offers a smile. “I think that’s really admirable, Julie. I hope you get that one day."

“Me too,” she agrees, smiling back before returning to her painting. “I’d like to think Steve and I could get there.”

Eddie feels a tightness in his chest, knowing all too well that they probably could.

They chat pleasantly about various non-Steve topics then, which Eddie brings up in hopes of regaining some semblance of sanity. He learns about her singing gig and shares a bit about his previous one with Corroded Coffin. They discuss her painting and pottery, which leads to Eddie discovering that she’s quite the talented artist beyond what he's seen so far. Eddie encourages her to pursue it, and despite his own jumble of emotions, he genuinely means it.

That’s when keys jingle in the door, and all those emotions come screeching to the front of his mind. 

Because while Julie brightens up, excited that it’s probably Steve, Eddie tenses and finds himself at a loss for what to do. Should he remain seated? Should he get up? Should he pretend he just arrived, or admit that he’s been waiting? What would Steve prefer?

Before he can decide, Steve walks into the room, two shakes in hand, completely unaware of Eddie’s presence.

“Goddamn, I don’t think I’ve seen traffic that bad since the… earthquake,” he trails off, his jaw snapping shut as he finally notices Eddie. Oh, how he notices him.

Eddie finds it amusing how everything seems to freeze in that moment, and how the shakes nearly slip from Steve’s hands as he registers what’s happening. Julie rushes over to grab the drinks from Steve, asking if he’s okay with a hint of confusion and concern. Honestly, Eddie’s surprised Steve can even manage a small, pale “yeah” given how startled he looks. Mimicking a long-ago gesture, Eddie raises his hand and gives Steve a small wave.

Steve gulps audibly.

“What, uh, what’re you doing here, Eddie?”

“I needed to talk to you,” Eddie replies, then quickly remembers Julie is still there and clears his throat. “The, uh, kids wanted me to talk to you. They want to have a pool party. You have a pool here, right?”

“Yeah,” Julie calls from the kitchen as she retrieves spoons for herself and Steve. Eddie can hear the silverware clinking. “It’s above ground, but it’s nice! And heated, so it’s not too bad even on days like today.”

Only then does Eddie realize how close he came to blowing his cover. It’s fall; why would the kids want a pool party now? He’s lucky the former swimming extraordinaire splurged on a heated backyard above-ground pool.

“Wait, why couldn’t they just ask me?” Steve asks as he tries to put two-and-two together, scratching his head.

Eddie tenses, quickly pulling from his storytelling instincts to think on his feet. “Do you really think those little pests would do anything the easy way? They wouldn’t settle for less than me galavanting around Hawkins first thing to get your humble permission. So, what do you say?”

Steve shrugs. “Sure. Why not.”

Nodding, Eddie stuffs his hands back into his jacket. “Great. I’ll let you know when the little shits pick a date.”

“Cool.”

Just then, Julie chimes in, hurrying over to hand Steve his milkshake and spoon. “Oh, Eddie! I know you were just sticking around to talk to Steve about the pool, but do you want to stay and have something sweet, too? We don’t have another milkshake, but there’s ice cream in the freezer if you want a bowl!”

Standing up, Eddie shakes his head, offering her his best attempt at a smile. Despite everything, his manners keep him polite. He blames Uncle Wayne and that stubborn southern hospitality he preaches.

“Thanks Jules, but I think I’d better head out.”

“Are you sure?” 

Eddie’s eyes dart to Steve, who not only sounds urgent but looks it too, as if he’s worried he’s driven Eddie away. Eddie kind of revels in it for a brief moment, enjoying the thought that he might be the cause. When Eddie doesn’t answer right away, Steve takes a step closer, practically ready to plead.

“I’m sorry, I would’ve gotten you one if I’d known. Please don’t feel like you have to leave because of that.”

“Nah,” Eddie says with a wave of his arm, doing his best to sound casual as he chooses his words. “No sweat. You’ve already done your part by getting one for the most important person in your life, dear Stevie. That’s what counts, right?”

It’s a low blow, and Eddie knows it. Still, he can’t resist being a bit petty, calling out how he’s being replaced and how what he thought was theirs is now shared with someone else. Whatever goblin is pulling his strings needs to make its presence known, and honestly, he kind of wants to see what kind of damage it can do. Moments later, he gets his reaction: Steve wears one of the most crestfallen, guilty expressions Eddie has ever seen, making Eddie look away to avoid feeling guilty himself.

As the silence stretches on, the air thickens.

Julie glances between them, frowning. She steps forward and opens the front door for Eddie with a swish of her robe, telling him to get home safe and expressing how nice it was to finally meet him. Eddie mutters a thank you and hurries out the door. That’s when he makes the mistake of glancing back at Steve.

Steve, who stands a few steps behind her, looking utterly confused and troubled. He seems on the verge of dropping his shake and chasing after Eddie.

Eddie decides to leave that thought and sight for another day, along with everything else he wanted to say. The door closes behind him shortly after.

That night, he doesn’t dream of Steve.

He does, however, wake up with a nagging craving for a cookies and cream milkshake. 

Chapter Text

I just need a little lovin', I just need a little air

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)]  «

2:05 ───〇─── 4:14

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

“EDWARD JAMES MUNSON, YOU BEST WAKE UP AND GET YOUR LAUNDRY OUTTA’ THE DRYER BEFORE I PUT YOU THERE INSTEAD!”

Eddie promptly falls off his bed onto the floor with a scream, and that’s how his day begins.

It’s only been a few days since he last saw Steve, and in that short time, Eddie’s found himself trapped in an endless torture loop of dreams about the guy. The first one was drenched in guilt, more like a nightmare than a dream, but every one since has been a relentless flood of risqué thoughts, love confessions, and fantasies that Eddie knows could only ever happen in his sleep. It’s driving him crazy. It's utterly maddening. Judging by how disoriented he feels and how his body seems to burn like it’s just surfaced from the sun, things are only getting worse with time.

Steve’s sudden disappearance from his life hasn’t helped, either. He hasn’t answered any of Eddie’s calls or voicemails, and he’s been scarce around town, at least in the places Eddie frequents for groceries or catching a movie. Eddie had initially chalked it up to Steve being busy, what with his insurance job looming over him, but when Max, not Steve, showed up to tell Eddie when the upcoming pool party was happening, his mind started to spiral.

Is Steve too busy to answer himself? Did Julie get jealous and use Max as a buffer to distance them? Or worse, did Eddie make Steve so uncomfortable that he’s avoiding him, sending Max as a go-between until things smooth over?

Eddie curses the last dose of his meds, feeling like they’re the only thing keeping him from spiraling further. If only he could get high or drunk and escape these thoughts. If only he could pretend he wasn’t teetering on the edge of this precarious social cliff. God, if only.

Stumbling downstairs to Wayne,  he receives a look from the guy as if he were high. Either that, or the proud owner of three new heads on his shoulder. 

Both would be kind of cool, Eddie muses.

“Did you fall in a puddle on your way down, boy?”

Eddie shakes his head, grimacing as his damp curls stick to his face. “Nope, just…dreamed a little too hard, I guess.”

“You wet as a dog in that dream, too?”

“Metaphorically, in a manner of speaking, kinda.”

Eddie can tell immediately by the look on his face that Wayne doesn’t even want to ask, doesn’t think he can remotely go there without learning or hearing too much and scarring himself forever. Choosing life and sweet innocence, he leans against the washer and stays there waiting for Eddie to speak about what’s really going on. 

As fun as it would be to torment his uncle further with innuendos, Eddie figures the man’s been through enough. He deserves some answers. 

“I think I’ve fucked up, Wayne.”

Wayne nods gruffly. “Broke the air conditioner again?”

“NO!” Eddie yells before pausing to wonder if he somehow did, in fact, break it. “I did nothing of the sort! Not this time at least, I don’t think! You can’t prove anything!”

Wayne gives an exhausted eye roll and gestures for Eddie to continue with his real explanation, which he does begrudgingly once he’s leaning against the wall.

There’s no going back now, after all. Eddie's got to spill his guts.

Every thought, every desire that he can bear to tell a relative comes tumbling out like a runaway firehose. He’s a possessed rambling mess, barely coherent, just spewing emotions all over the place. Wayne listens quietly to it all, his stoic expression unnerving Eddie at times. But, he listens. When Eddie finally finishes, panting and on the brink of falling apart, Wayne calmly steps forward, pulls him into a hug, and offers his shoulder for Eddie to let it all out.

Eddie does. He cries, he hiccups, and he becomes the wreck he feels like inside.

And when it’s all over, he stays there, safe in Wayne’s arms, thankful beyond words for having him.

Wayne pats his back. 

"Tell him what you just told me. Clean it up a bit, you don’t want to give the guy a heart attack, and don’t turn it into an ultimatum. But, be honest. Boy can’t make a decision if he doesn’t know what’s going on."

It’s almost exactly what Nancy had told him. Eddie swallows hard.

"And what if telling him all this makes him hate me? What if he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?"

"That could happen," Wayne admits. "But, he might also have a change of heart. Maybe he’ll want to be your boyfriend instead."

Eddie scoffs, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, sure. Like that’ll ever happen."

"When it does, I’ll be right there with a shotgun waiting to give him one hell of a shovel speech."

"Wayne."

Wayne laughs, pulling Eddie into another hug and ruffling his hair. "Make yourself some breakfast, then play your music or those dragon games of yours for a bit. Get your mind off it. Ain’t no good coming from a scrambled head."

Eddie smiles softly, nodding as he steps back. "Thanks, Wayne."

"And take a shower. You smell like roadkill with all that sweat."

"Thanks, Wayne," Eddie replies, this time more monotone, before heading off.

✦✦✦

Eddie is halfway through a half-hearted attempt at playing Heroes by David Bowie on his guitar when the phone rings.

Calling out to Wayne that he’s got it, Eddie puts the guitar back on its stand and shuffles over to his bedside phone. He grabs it and leans against the wall, crossing his ankles.

“Y’ello?”

“Eddie?”

So much for distractions. Eddie nearly trips over himself as he scrambles onto the bed, landing on his stomach with a bounce. “Steve! Hey, uh. How are you?”

“I’m…alright.” Steve sounds nervous. Eddie wonders if he’s just as anxious as he is, too. “Look, I wanted to call and apologize. I feel awful about how I left things at my place, and even worse for waiting so long to say something.”

“There’s no need to beat yourself up,” Eddie starts, but Steve quickly hushes him. Eddie’s eyes widen in surprise.

“No, really, it wasn’t right. I’ve been so caught up prepping for this stupid interview with Julie, and my parents have been riding my ass about providing for her more than my measly Family Video paycheck. I totally screwed up what I should’ve been focusing on.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He could thank Steve, but hearing more about Julie and Steve’s parents pressuring him to settle down leaves Eddie feeling pretty damn low. He doesn't want to act like it doesn't. So, he stays quiet. Steve seems to pick up on it. Eddie hears him sigh and drop into a chair.

“I want to make it up to you. You have any plans tomorrow?”

Blinking, Eddie twirls the phone cord around his finger. “No. Surprised?”

Steve snorts. “Sure. Seriously though man, I want to hang out. Just you and me, no obligations — like we were in the hospital. Minus the machines and all that shit.”

“Yeah, no machines would be ideal.”

Chapter Text

I choose you and me, religiously

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)]  «

2:35 ───〇─── 4:14

⇄   ◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹   ↻

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

Eddie's reaction to Steve's knock is audible only to very, very small animals. 

He's been obsessing over this moment for hours, knowing he'd be wound tight when Steve arrived as an obnoxious bundle of nerves. Nothing compares to the feeling of knowing Steve’s just steps away though, likely wearing something devastating and excited for a night together. No drug Eddie's tried in his two decades of life can rival this. He’s never felt so stressed, so excited — even when heading into the Upside Down.

He’s dressed decently for the evening. It’s still a little chilly with the seasons changing, so he’s opted for long-sleeve black and gray flannel over a black shirt, black jeans, and sneakers. He skipped the eyeliner this time, even though it would’ve looked good with his outfit. Call it a little bit of thinking ahead, but he doesn’t really want to remember the feeling of crying through eyeliner. The sting just wouldn’t be worth it.

Right now, though, all Eddie hears is a buzz in his ears and Steve’s knocking, sounding like it's coming from five-thousand miles away.

Reaching up to slap himself a bit in the face, Eddie snaps himself out of it and scrambles forward. His body all but slams into the door, which leaves him cursing beneath his now messy mop of curls as he stumbles back to open it. 

“Shit, so sorry, I was totally — Christ.”

Steve, clearly, arrived with zero concern for a potential frazzled Eddie state.

He looks devastatingly good. Wrapped in the coziest navy sweater Eddie's ever seen in his life, with the sleeves rolled up for a sporty touch, and a pair of lighter jeans that seem to blend into Steve's matching blue sneakers, he is everything. 

To no one's surprise, especially not Eddie's, the rest of him is stunning as well. His hair is damn near next to perfect, and the way he has it styled tonight forces Eddie breathless. Strands fall over his face, drawing attention to his eyes, while the rest is soft and fluffy, tousled in a way that looks effortless. Eddie feels like it’s a privilege to even witness it with his two mortal eyes — for free, no less.

Eddie's mouth snaps shut as he resists the urge to say something dumb. Steve chuckles, clearly amused by Eddie’s reaction. Worse, he blushes, looking up at him through those loose bangs like some gift from the universe. Eddie’s ready to cry.

“You were totally what?” Steve asks.

Eddie blinks, searching his brain, and comes up completely empty like he does when he's sitting in his math classes.

“I have no idea,” he blurts out, panicking mildly.

Steve laughs — a sound Eddie finds both wonderful and cruel. He still can’t believe this guy’s real.

“Well, let’s get going before you forget something else,” Steve says, glancing at the basket and stereo on the couch. “Is that everything?”

Eddie nods, still numb. “Uh, you, um, you got your stuff?”

“Still in the car,” Steve says, gesturing behind himself. Sure enough, Eddie spots the ol' red thing parked right in the driveway — another sight that seems almost unreal to Eddie. “Thought I’d help you get your things down the stairs before hauling it out, with your ankle and all.”

“What a gentleman.”

Steve blushes yet again, and to Eddie, which is really a shame as far as Eddie’s concerned. It means his brain has to reboot, causing a long, awkward pause before he can even think to step aside and guide Steve to his stuff. Worse, it turns him into a babbling mess as they try to gather said things. How is he supposed to say everything he needs to if it’s only been two minutes and he’s already this flustered? He can barely remember his own name around the guy. Wayne would be banging his head against the wall in disbelief if he were here, Eddie's sure of it.

It’s honestly a miracle they make it out of the house in one piece.

Once Eddie’s feet are both steady on solid ground, Steve jogs over to his car to grab his things. He returns from his trunk with a few items, including a ridiculously soft picnic blanket and a basket that smells incredible, even from a distance. Eddie’s mouth waters instantly.

It could be the baked goods' work, though Eddie’s pretty sure it also has something to do with the way Steve looks bent over in his truck.

Not that he’d admit it if asked. Sue him.

From there, the two of them make their way out into the field. Like Steve had mentioned before, it’s not far from Eddie and Wayne’s abode. It’s rare in Hawkins to be somewhere far from a field or forest. This one is nestled nicely between his home and the forest. It’s a little hilly, with one larger curve a bit in the distance that overlooks more of the forest below as it stretches further into the rest of Indiana. Steve chooses that curve for where they’ll spend their time together. Once Eddie agrees and swears up and down that, yes Steve, his ankle will be okay, the two head toward it. 

The sun hangs low when they arrive at the destination. It’s just before golden hour, exactly as they had planned, which means the trees are all dusted in a warm and rich golden orange as they rustle in the breeze. Eddie’s far more fascinated in the way it dusts Steve in that color though, and how it catches his hazel eyes here and there while he sets their picnic up. Very few natural events, sunsets included, could ever compare to how he looks now as far as Eddie’s concerned. 

Wrapping up displaying his baked treats, Steve clasps his hands together and goes to kneel by Eddie’s basket. Eddie, eyes darting quickly to the food to avoid him, hears the familiar rustle of his tapes. 

“So, I’m guessing the kids told you about the pool party. You looking forward to it?”

It’s a bit of an odd topic to start up their conversation, but Eddie can’t complain too much. It’s not like he’s got much else going on verbally in his mind. 

“Yeah,” he replies, immediately cringing at how lame he sounds. “I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve seen them all. Should be cool to hang out with them without being stuck to a bed, ya' know?”

Steve nods, sifting through Eddie’s tapes and spreading them out on the blanket. Eddie notices his hand hover over a Tears for Fears tape and can’t help but grin.

“I get that,” Steve says. “It might be kind of weird to say, but I think my favorite part of everything is after. When we’re all okay and there’s no more Upside Down stuff hanging over us, I mean. It’s just...a relief.”

Eddie can’t argue with that, though he’s still waiting to feel that relief himself. Hopefully after today.

“Robin might bake a cake for it,” Steve continues, sliding a Bowie tape into the stereo. “She’s been spending more time with Vickie more now? And they like baking together. Well, Robin mostly decorates while Vickie bakes, but I think Vickie’ll help her. Robin called it a ‘congrats we survived’ gift.”

Eddie chuckles, shaking his head. He reaches for one of the cookies from Steve’s basket and holds it up to the sky, examining each and every chocolate chip on it like he’s looking under a damn microscope, before asking, “These her work as well?”

Steve smirks and grabs his own cookie, taking a bite and making a sound so satisfyingly delicious, it gives Eddie heart palpitations. “Nah, these are all me. Got a little carried away packing the basket. I almost gave the extras to Robin, but she was like, ‘Nah, nah, I can’t eat the competition,’ whatever that means.”

“What about Julie?”

It’s such a simple, harmless question. Harmless, even. But the way Steve's entire face falls, his brows knitting together, makes Eddie feel like he just asked to kick the guy's dog. Eddie immediately regrets it, wondering if it’s too late to choke on one of Steve’s amazing cookies and avoid the situation entirely.

“Mmhmm,” he says, tossing his head back again. The sun catches in his eyes, reflecting a soft, twinkling light. “Everywhere you look, it’s just color. Pretty. Think it can’t get better, then it does. I went when I was twelve, and I’ve never forgotten it.”

“Wicked.”

Steve turns his head to look at Eddie, his voice soft. “It’s still nice here in Hawkins, though. Sometimes, even better.”

“How you reckon that?”

“You can see the sunset anywhere if you want to, but it’s a lot harder to find good company — someone you care about to watch it with. That’s what makes it special, you know?”

Eddie doesn’t know. What he does know, however, is that his heart is choosing this very moment to forget how to beat normally. It starts fluttering around in his chest like a caged hummingbird, buzzing and stuttering and surely sending more heat to his cheeks. 

Here goes nothing.

It’s confusing. It’s intense. There’s that messy, frantic top-lip kind of kissing going on, and it's enough for Eddie to get completely swept up in it.

No coherent thoughts stick with him as he does. It’s all just a blur of Steve, the kiss, and holyfuckingshit mixed with pure elation at the feeling of being held, being kissed by Steve. Steve rolls over onto him, fitting against Eddie like he belongs there, pulling him closer like an angel and feeding off their mutual heat. Eddie lets himself be drawn in, giving Steve full control because it’s so much easier than confronting the reality of what’s happening, and he finds himself wanting so desperately to have this moment last forever.

But then, that dose of reality starts to creep in.

Steve threads his fingers through Eddie’s, and Eddie wonders if he’s done the same with Julie. Steve makes a soft, breathy sound, and Eddie wonders if Julie’s ever heard it too — if these sounds are meant just for him. When Steve bites his lip, Eddie ponders the thought of if Julie has ever had matching bite marks herself.

It’s not right. It is but it isn’t. As much as Eddie wants this, and as much as Steve seems to want it too, Eddie knows it can't be like this. Not when they're high. Not when Steve is just acting without really thinking.

Not when Steve isn’t fully his.

With a silent plea to the universe that he isn’t ruining his one shot at happiness, Eddie presses a hand to Steve’s chest and gently pushes him away.

Steve freezes.

They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, even though it’s only a few seconds. Eddie watches Steve’s face cycle through a whirlwind of emotions — desire, joy, confusion, fear, anxiety, betrayal. It’s like some nightmarish kaleidoscope, and it makes Eddie feel sick.

So, he blurts out the one word that he knows will end it all.

“Julie.”

Immediately, whatever spell Steve had been under — whether it had been Eddie or the weed or something else — breaks the second he hears her name. Steve suddenly shifts from being confident, passionate, and commanding to becoming the thing he said he hated: a scared, apologetic guy uncertain of his own actions.

He fumbles for words, tripping over his apologies, barely making sense as he stammers out his regret. His movements are frantic as he stands, him nearly stumbling in his rush to leave, and before Eddie can fully process what’s happening, Steve is already jogging away toward the horizon.

Eddie stands there, stunned, only to be jolted into action by the sight of him fading away. He starts running after him, calling out Steve’s name, ignoring the pain in his ankle with every step. Steve doesn’t look back, putting more distance between them because he’s an athlete and can and Eddie can’t keep up. Still, Eddie refuses to give up. He begs for Steve to stop, tells him they can't just not discuss what happened there. He even lies and says they can pretend nothing happened if they can just have a moment to talk. 

Nothing works, though. 

Steve speeds off in his car like a madman, disappearing before Eddie can even reach the driveway.

As his car screeches around the corner out of sight, Eddie collapses to his knees, gasping for air, and then breaks down in tears, completely shattered.

Above him, the stars glitter, mocking.

Chapter Text

You’ll just have to taste me when he’s kissing you

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)] «

3:00 ────〇── 4:14

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✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

“No, no , please Rob, I gotta’-”

She tackles him and sends him face-first into the grass, making the world spin. Eddie whines, but it quickly turns into a yelp as she hauls him up by the back of his shirt. He flails, stumbling as he tries to get back to his feet. Robin has to fight to support him, nearly losing her balance again in the process, but eventually gets him upright again. For a split second, he sees his chance — half a step of unguarded distance toward Steve — but Robin is quicker. Her arm wraps around his waist, and before he can say a word, she spins him around and pushes him in the opposite direction.

The slam of the back door feels like a gunshot straight to Eddie’s heart. He wails as if it was one, begs with Robin to let him back outside, desperate to erase the image of Steve’s deer-in-the-headlights expression while he was carried away from his brain. When she tells him no this time, there’s tears rolling down her face. 

They stumble together into her room.

The next thing Eddie knows, his head hits a pillow, and the world fades to black.

Chapter Text

Am I allowed to cry?

» [I Love You (It’s Ruining My Life)] «

3:25 ─────〇─ 4:14

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"I don’t have much advice when it comes to fixing relationships. You know I’ve never been great in that neck of the woods. But, I do know one thing. Relationships are only as good as the work you put into 'em. You want to make things right with Steve and your friends? With that Julie girl?" Eddie nods. "You’ve gotta' put in the work. Apologize, take things slow, and do it right. They may not like you too much at first, but if you don’t go off and drink yourself silly again, you may end up in a better place in time.”

Eddie sniffles. “How do I even begin?”

Patting Eddie on the knee again, Wayne shrugs. "Up to you. You could always go talk to them in person, though I might wait on that a bit. You’re still shakier than a newborn deer. You could also call them instead, work things out that way. However you do it, an apology is a good start. Be honest from there."

Eddie nods. He then leans against Wayne’s shoulder. Wayne pulls him close, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s midsection like he used to when Eddie was younger and upset. It’s just as comforting now as it was back then, to Eddie's solemn delight. 

"I love you, Uncle Wayne. You’re good people."

Wayne smiles sadly, turning his head to press a feather-light kiss to Eddie’s temple. "Love you too, kid. Always will, no matter what."

✦✦✦

Nancy laughs softly. “Yeah, it was pretty brutal. I honestly thought he’d never speak to me again, even when the Upside Down came back. But, weirdly enough, he did. Over time, we worked through it and eventually got to a place where we could be friends again. Our love faded, but the friendship survived.”

Eddie winces. “You think that’s what’ll happen here with me?”

“I think,” she says carefully, “that there’s hope you’ll talk to him again. I also think, though, that it’s too early in that process for me to join you in jumping to conclusions. And, knowing Steve... if what Robin told me about you two is true, he’s going to need more time to figure things out on his end.”

“She told you about the kiss?”

“She did,” Nancy affirms. He hears the sound of her falling onto her bed. “I’m not sure what to make of it either to be completely honest, which is why I’m saying to give things time. And, when enough time has passed, apologize to him. If things go south and he doesn’t want to be friends-”

“You think that might happen?”

“-then we’ll talk about what getting over him looks like,” Nancy finishes. “For now, give yourself and Steve some space to process and collect your thoughts. Do something else for a bit. If you need me to talk, I’m here, but don’t go calling him just yet, okay?”

Eddie shuts his eyes tightly. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. And Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be okay,” she says, her smile coming through her voice. “Trust me.”

“Thanks, Wheeler.”

With that, they hang up, and Eddie is once again left to his thoughts.

✦✦✦

The rest of the day plays out rather uneventfully. 

No one calls. No one knocks at the door. Wayne stays asleep upstairs, leaving Eddie alone with whatever is in his room.

Briefly, his boredom makes him consider ignoring Nancy's advice and calling Steve anyway. It’d be easier to get this lingering pain and anxiety over with sooner rather than later. But then again, it could backfire spectacularly. Steve might not even answer, and Eddie knows he’s not ready to face that kind of rejection. The memory of what happened the last time he ignored someone’s advice is still fresh in both his head and heart. So, he pushes that idea aside.

Instead, he turns to music.

He picks up his guitar and starts to play. He strums familiar songs, tries to learn new ones, and even makes up some that reflect his mood. When his fingers start to ache, he switches to the stereo he’d retrieved from the hill, along with the picnic basket full of tapes. He pulls out a few and listens through them.

He plays through all of Tears for Fears, then the Bowie tape, despite the knot it ties in his chest. He cycles through Queen, Springsteen, and even that old Mozart tape, until he can’t take any more.

Collapsing onto his bed, Eddie glances at the clock. It’s only five in the afternoon.

Nope. Screw advice — he has to talk to Steve now, before he goes crazy.

Without giving himself time to second-guess or wallow in guilt, he grabs the phone from his bedside, quickly dials Steve’s apartment number, and listens to the ringing in his ear, the sound building the tension in his gut, until-

“Hello?”

Eddie’s stomach drops, instantly replaced by a wave of regret and self-loathing worse than he'd felt that morning.

“Oh. Um. Hi, Julie.”

Eddie’s jaw snaps shut with an audible click, his hand still tangled in his hair. Julie takes a breath before dropping her next bombshell.

“I broke up with him. Not because of you.”

“Fucking what?”

Julie lets out a nervous laugh, and he hears the sound of something — probably a box — being dropped. “Yeah. Steve’s... He's got a lot on his mind right now, you know? Not just from last night,” she quickly adds, likely sensing Eddie gearing up for another spiral, “but overall. After everyone left and it was just the two of us, we talked about a few things. About what we want, what we're feeling, what we want the future to look like. Honestly, it’s stuff we should’ve talked about sooner. And the more he talked, I guess the more I realized... I might be holding him back from what he really wants, and he, me.”

“Julie, you aren't-”

“I don’t mean on purpose,” she cuts in, a bit frustrated. “Innocently. Like... we’re both great people, but we might not be completely great together. Does that make sense?”

Eddie’s voice is shaky as he replies, “Yeah, I think so.”

“I care about him enough to know I don’t want to hold him back from what he really wants just because we get along. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

“That’s... really mature of you.”

Julie laughs. “Yeah, well, I hope I’m right about it. I don’t think I have to tell you that Steve’s a pretty hard person to get over.”

Somehow, Eddie manages to laugh, too. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s um. He’s something, alright.”

“And just so you know,” Julie adds, “I’m not mad at you, by the way. For liking him. At first, I was a little, out of jealousy or whatever, but after last night? I don’t know,” she confesses with another soft laugh. “I guess I get it now. I can see it. I’ve come to terms with it.”

“...Thank you?”

“Listen Eddie, I really need to get back to packing, but there’s one more thing I want to say before I go. Steve... I think he’s going to work through some of those thoughts of his in the next few weeks. Not now, but eventually. With time. He might need someone around when he figures out what he wants to do with himself. I'd um, well,” she adds, her voice a little closer to the receiver, “if I were you, I’d stay nearby a phone. Just in case.”

“You really think he’d come to me? After all this?”

“Maybe,” Julie says. “Maybe not. But, I’d be ready to be there if he does.”

Eddie nods, rolling over onto his stomach. “Thanks. I’ll, uh, I’ll do that. Sorry. This is so fucking weird. I feel like I should be comforting you, not the other way around.”

Julie giggles. “Don’t worry about me. Seriously Eddie, I’m a big girl. I’ll figure my own shit out in time. If you ever want to make it up to me though, just remember me when you need an opening act after you make it big in the music biz, maybe?”

“You bet, kid,” Eddie replies, incredulous yet genuinely meaning every word. “You’ll be my first call. Promise.”

Julie sighs softly. “Take care of yourself, Eddie. I’ll be waiting.”

“You too,” he says, smiling ever so slightly against his phone. “Talk to you soon.”

As he hangs up, Eddie feels about twenty pounds lighter. He still wants to talk to Steve, still feels that pull to just find him and hash things out, but after that conversation, he’s...settled, at least for now. It’s enough to get him through the day. Through a couple of days, even. Instead of overthinking or trying more, he decides to spend some time outside, watching the sky and daydreaming about what might be someday.

It’s rather full-circle, daydreaming about Steve like this. But, given everything Nancy and Julie have told him, Eddie feels like he can still hold onto a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, he’ll find his way back into Steve’s life not just in dreams, be it more or just as friends.

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