Chapter Text
Food, his stomach whined. But Sasuke pretended not to hear. Yet the rice was tantalizing, and he found himself watching in horror as the soft, chewy rice found his tongue. Stop it! You don't deserve to eat, failing like you did. I bet Itachi could've easily done the challenge and won. He bit his tongue, looking over at an obviously barely restrained Naruto.
"You have it, you need it more if we're going to pass the challenge on the second try." His eyes protested mournfully, watching the meal disappear down Naruto's throat. How could he have missed the bell? He'd been mere inches away! Well, maybe if you'd just trained an extra hour instead of going to sleep....and look how easily you were taken down by Kakashi. The voice cawed. SHUT UP! He told himself.
"Sasuke! Didn't you hear? We all just passed!" Sakura cheered, gazing at him with those adoring eyes. Sasuke found them kind of guilt inducing, and though he'd never admit it, what did she see in him? Was it just his grades? Would she still like him after knowing how fucking pathetic he really was?
And maybe that's what prompted him to give a nonchalant, "So?" He felt bad about it after, but Sakura deserved better than him. Even Naruto, the arrogant buffoon was a better choice. At least he hadn't brought shame to his clan.
There was no grin on Sasuke's face as he stalked home. Sure, he'd passed. But even if he still had the parents to congratulate him, he knew that all they'd say would be something along the lines of "Wow, you finally finished. Only a decade after Itachi."
He sat down on his bed, chin on his hands in the brooding manner that people either loved(Sakura) or hated(Naruto). In reality, he didn't mean to be so emo all the time, just that he was always lost in thought. Not that anyone would care.
Outside of his window he could see all the newly passed Genin laughing and recounting their grand tales of passing the test. Hmph, Sasuke scoffed. All he'd done was give his food to someone who actually deserved it Naruto, and Kakashi had passed them, probably out of pity.
Taking off his headband, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, before turning away in disgust. How could anyone be attracted to a face like that?
Blargh burbled his stomach. His eyes drifted to the refrigerator, where he knew a bowl of rice sat.
"Just SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He hissed suddenly, jumping to his feet. Oh wow, talking to himself now. What would Sakura think if he saw him now? He popped one of the bitter mints into his mouth, relishing the stinging of his tongue. At least that shut his annoying, needy stomach up. But then the mint dissolved, and the relief left as quickly as it came. He fought the urge to add another cut to the plethora of scars on his stomach and arms. Just one cut... he pleaded with himself. You deserve it anyway, for failing so miserably.
Then there was blood staining the white sleeve of his armband. Too pissed at himself to even care, he threw his headband back on and stormed to the training grounds. They were already preparing to close when he got there, but the hardest course was still open. His knees felt weak as he stepped up, taking in the course. Our of the corner of his eye he could see Kakashi and Guy Sensei sparring. They don't have the luxury of rest, so why should you? Yet Sasuke found himself hesitating to step onto the course. Scaredy cat.
That did it. He sprang onto the course, muscles taut, ignoring the light headedness that made his vision swim every time he turned around too quickly. He reached the end, and without pause started back. Sweat slicked his palms now, making him lose grip, and his stomach felt like it was ripping itself apart from the inside. People have it worse than you, fat food hoarder. Sasuke winced as one of the heavy, dull training knives smashed into his ribs.
He tumbled to the floor, barely catching himself. For a second, he crouched there, panting, before the voice in his head screamed "GET UP!" and he forced himself through the course again. He'd scarcely made it 20 meters before he was bludgeoned by training knives, knocking the air out of his lungs. Defeated so easily? Sasuke hissed in frustration and wobbled back onto the course, before he was instantly whacked off by the mechanical fists.
"Sasuke!" a voice drawled, somehow lazily and urgently at the same time. He whipped around, the course doing summersaults around him and he fell off his perch, landing with a thud ungracefully.
"What?" he snapped, rubbing his arms self-consciously as he waited for his vision to clear.
"Ninjas need sleep too, believe it or not," Kakashi commented wryly. "Better rest up for tomorrow."
And it was true. Sasuke could barely stand up straight.
Just then, his stomach let out a very loud, unceremonious, and utterly mortifying blurble.
"Why don't I treat you to...a midnight snack?" Kakashi offered, but Sasuke was already turning away.
"I'm fine," he gritted out, stumbling out the door. Too dazed to remember the drop from the door's threshold, he tripped and sprawled out on the ground. Thankful for the darkness of the night, he trudged back to his apartment.
The rickety bed creaked as he sighed in relief, pulling the covers up. Giving up so soon? the voice crooned.
"Just shut it." Sasuke mumbled aloud. 16 cuts then, the voice demanded. To pay for each mistake.