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Chapter Text

Finney Buckley was sick and tired, sick and tired he'd tell you.

It had barely been three weeks since he had crawled his way out of that basement, hands bloody and shaking with adrenaline, but his father insisted he return to school. People stared as he entered and he could almost smile at the looks his former bullies held as he passed. The rumor that he had been the one to end the grabber had spread quickly, but only the school children were afraid because of it. He made his way into class waving to the teacher who, bless her, looked almost stunned at his presence.

"Hey Finney," Donna said smiling at him as he sat, and he smiled at her lack of fear. Still the name made him itch, and he was quick to correct her,
"Call me Buck,"
The name was simple, a shortened version of his last name, it didn't suit him the best, but 'Finn' was forever reserved for Robin, no-one else.
"Alright, Buck, do you want some help with the work you missed?"
She joked and Buck allowed himself to smile back at her, perhaps things would work out in the end.

Chapter Text

The day Gwen got her exceptance letter was an especially bad day for Buck. He was proud of her, sure, his 16 year old sister making it into a big name university for psycology was amazing. He had taken the girl out for ice-cream to celebrate, and had texted Maddie a picture as soon as the letter had been opened, though he doubted she would respond. But despite the pride he felt for her, it just made his own shortcomings stick out. To his father especially.

So now he lay on the couch, holding a bag of ice to his cheek, as Gwen celebrated with her friends at the bowling ally across town. He supposed he deserved it, his father wasn't wrong to say that he was wasting his life, he was. Buck had turned eighteen almost seven months ago, but had yet to even consider collage of any kind. He knew that if any of the other boys had been given this chance they would have taken it, perhaps Bruce would have gone pro in baseball, or Billy might have started writing the papers he delivered. Those thoughts never got him farther than the bathroom, where he would vomit until just bile would spill out.

He wished Maddie was still in town, she would know what to do to motivate him, but she had moved in with Doug years ago, before the grabber had even begun taking kids. He missed her often, but the phone number he had been given and the dinky old flip phone that had come with it was barely means of communication.
Buck groaned as the ice cold water dripped off of the bag and onto his face. He ought to go change it out before it made a mess, so he pushed himself up and off of the couch to make his way over to the freezer where Buck could switch it out.

The freezers cold air was refreshing to him, and he leisurely bagged new ice. Maybe he could get a job at one of the corner stores, bagging ice wasn't so bad.

As Buck finished the task his phone chimed, and the small screen on the front lit up to show Maddie's contact. It was rare to get a response from her, especially this quick. So Buck quickly opened the message.

That was the thing, Maddie and their dad basically never spoke, she didn't know about the abuse her younger siblings endured, she had other reasons, ones that neither Buck nor Gwen knew. But now she was coming back into town, when their father couldn't go a night without drinking, and Buck had nothing to show for the time he had spent an adult.

"Oh Fuck"

Chapter Text

When Buck had told Gwen that night, she had practically jumped for joy, her big sister, the one she hadn't seen in years, was coming to town to celebrate her success! She had quickly run off to her room, to "prepare", and Buck had done his best to smile and support her. But as soon as she was behind the closed door of her bedroom the smile dropped from his face.

He had nothing to show from his time as an adult, nothing except for the legal id he had now, which was about as impressive as a microwave dinner for a Thanksgiving feast.

It wasn't like he hadn't tried at all, he had graduated with a high-ish score and had applied for several jobs, varying from cashier to babysitter, but none had really stuck. He had even tried to use his money to purchase a car, but when his father had seen his research on the table he had demanded that his son "owed" him for the years of "care" he had provided Buck with, and in a matter of seconds the greedy old man had swept away his earnings. 

So he had tried, but his attempts had been futile. Pathetic, as his father would claim.

That night he lay on his bed, and stared at his ceiling, imagining the small patterns were stars and that he was among them. He drifted off that way, among stars.

Chapter Text

When Maddie had arrived the next week, Buck had momentarily been to excited to feel that deep crushing sadness he had learned to live with. 

"Wheres my favorite little brother?!" She called out after a long hug from Gwen and a short hug from her father.

He had stepped forward slowly, as if he were afraid she wouldn't recognize him, which wouldn't be all that surprising, he had cut his hair and he had a new light pink scar over one of his eyes, things that she hadn't seen on him before, he was also way more built than before, not that that was important. 

When she had seen him she practically dove into his arms, scooping him up into a bear hug and kissing his cheek.

"I haven't seen you guys in years! Your so tall! And Gwenny's hair is short! You both have grown so much!" She leaned in to whisper,

"I think Dad has a new wrinkle or two"  and then giggle. The reunion was going great, his father was the most sober he had seen him in years and Gwen couldn't stop smiling. Everything was great until he walked in. 

Doug, Maddie's husband. None of them could see what she saw in him, Buck thought he was a cocky jerk, and Gwen thought he looked ugly... And their father, he just hated him. 

Doug exchanged pleasantries with their father, though the expressions were forced, and then asked "Finney" to help with the stuff in their trunk, apparently Maddie had gone over board with gifts for her missed birthdays and Christmas's. 

He had forgotten that neither of the guests knew about... About his name change, and he definitely wasn't about to correct them in front of their father. So he nodded and walked with Doug out to the car.

Neither spoke as they carried boxes in, and the tension was thick. Buck didn't want to cause drama on the first day, so he kept his mouth shut tight, and Doug followed suit.

They re-entered the house and set the last of the gifts down, Maddie beaming at them.

"Look at my boys working together," she had said kissing Doug and reaching up to ruffe Bucks hair. She turned to the pile and then shove Buck onto the other empty seat on the couch, right next to his father. 

"Now Gwenny gets to go first because she's who's this party's about!" She smiled broadly and pushed a pile of things to Gwen, who giggled and thanked her repeatedly. 

As she made her way through new clothes in the latest styles, nail polishes in fun colors and a necklace with her initials on it, Buck zoned out slightly, he focused in in Doug's face, trying to find something, a hint on why Buck hated him so much, but he couldn't place it.

"Finney! Your turn bro!" She just seemed so happy, maybe he was being too... Judgemental. 

He looked up as a stack of gifts were shoved into his lap.

"O-oh! Thanks!" He began to open the gifts, he got lots of gifts cards, funny gag gifts and then, a small box. He opened it and inside was a car key, it didn't look new, in fact it looked just like the keys to the jeep that Maddie had driven for years. He looked up at her, and her smile was wide as she waited for his response. 

"Maddie this is... This" he dove forward pulling her into a hug, 

"You love that jeep," he said confused and she tilted her head.

"Doug and I agree that it's time I get a new car, and I asked Papa if you had one yet, it just seemed perfect you know?" 

He smiled with her, though he truly was confused. She loved that car. Why would she ever want a new one?

That night the family made their way down to a local restaurant, and once again Buck was seated next to Doug. The older man was busy in conversation with their father, something to do with his new position as head surgeon. Buck had pushed the noise to the back of his head as the waiter, a tall skinny Asian girl with dark hair approached their table. 

"Hello, can I start taking your drink orders?" 

Her voice was close to one he had heard before but he couldn't quite place it, and she couldn't have been over 17. 

Maddie spoke first, ordering herself a water, even though the restaurants lemonade used to be her absolute favorite. Buck took note of it.

The rest of them gave the girl their drink orders and she walked off, promising a speedy return. 

The table fell into a calm silence, as they all looked through the menus. Buck would probably get the pasta, it was cheap and still good. 

One of Gwen's classmates smiled from where she sat behind the counter and Gwen excused herself to go say hi while they waited for their drinks to arrive. 

"So, Finney, any idea of what field you might go into?" Doug asked, his tone was almost condescending, but Buck brushed it off.

"No, I'm thinking about traveling first, maybe seeing the country before settling on collage." He gritted out the half lie. Maddie seemed to perk up.

"Oh, that sounds like fun! Any destinations you are heading for?" 

He grinned at her support,

"I want to see the ocean for sure, then maybe Niagara falls." Those weren't lies, when he was younger him and Robin often talked about going to the beach if an ocean. 

Before anyone could respond, Gwen returned from talking with her friend, (Sammy? Sally? He couldn't remember)

"Gosh! I'm starved! What are you getting sis?" 

Sis, was Gwen's new favorite word, she used it almost every time she referred to Maddie.

"Oh, I think I'm going to get a burger, they used to be my favorite you know? What about you Gwen?" 

Buck spaced out again, as he finally caught sight of the waitresses name tag.

Amy

Amy, that's why she looked familiar, Amy was Bruce's sister. A sister he had never met, only read about in Bruce's obitu- 

He jumped up.

"I'll be right back, um I need to go to the bathroom." 

He rushed into the men's room, the small one stall bathroom that locked from the inside. 

Bruce's obituary, that's where he had read her name, Bruce's face that's why he recognized her. They looked so alike. 

He took a few deep breaths, and splashed his face with water. He wasn't crying and he hadn't vomited, that was progress.

Finally after he could see straight and his hands stopped shaking he left the bathroom. 

When he got back to the table Amy was gone again and their drinks were their. Doug and Bucks father were talking again and Maddie and Gwenny were laughing. He sat down and Gwen turned to him. 

"Hey dummy, you ran off when she came to get our orders. I ordered you the first thing I saw off the menu.. I think it was pasta, sorry."

He smiled at her, only Gwen could insult and be so sweet all in one statement. 

"Thanks Gwenny, that was what I wanted anyway."

She grinned back at him and continued her conversation with Maddie. 

Buck waited for his food, maybe he did have a plan out of here after all.

Chapter Text

  The night Maddie and Doug drove home, in the new car Doug had "picked out" for Maddie, Buck started packing. He knew it would be better to leave at night, before his father could insist the jeep was better off in his hands or that Buck didn't need to go running off like his older sister had. He had to get out quickly and quietly. 

  The guilt of leaving Gwen was cold, chasing away the warmth he had felt from this new plan, but he truly couldn't stay in the stuffy little house, the house that always smelled of whiskey, and the house he had come to know as a dreaded location for him. He couldn't last any longer as a punching bag or a target for loose throws and kicks.

  There once was a time, just after the incident that Buck had almost believed his dad would stop. That he would finally set down the bottle, and look after his fucking kids, instead of chasing them away or beating them bloody. That hope was cut of only two weeks after the incident, when a tossed bottle smacked into the side of his already concussed head, a venomous spit of 'filthy fucking faggot' tossed at him. It didn't matter to his father that he hadn't asked to be kidnapped by a pedofile, to his father, the fact he was "desirable" to another man was sin. (As if abusing children was any better)

  Buck knew more now, and he had to get out, had to see the world for himself before he could finally settle into a safe life. He comforted himself with the knowledge that Gwen would be moving practically cross country in about three weeks, her scholarship dragging her all the way to California. She would make friends and party and have all the fun she had missed out on for her teenage years. She would probably only think of him once or twice a month, like her old friends, or how Maddie had faded out of their lives after she had moved.

  His plan was shit, spotty and rushed, but it was a new light in the tunnel, a new path he could pursue until it shut him out. 

  Buck didn't have much he actually wanted to drag around the country with him, but there were a few things he triple checked he had packed. He wouldn't know what to do if he forgot them.

  One of those things was the green bandana, still packed away in gift wrap, the label read

To Robin, Merry Christmas!! 

Finn

19////

The gift had never been given, and never would be, yet he kept it, even after nearly ten years. The other things were simple, but the meanings they held were ingrained into him.

  The lock from Griffin's bike, the police had let him keep it, especially after he had 'proven' it was his, by unlocking it. They never found out that the lock was actually Griffin's, or the reason he knew the combination. 

  A bracelet Gwen had made him, it was made using the bead set he had saved up to buy her for her 14th birthday. 

  A quarter.

  A baseball. 

The last two things needed no explanation, had practically no use at all, he would never spend the quarter, and he had quit baseball years ago, yet he kept them with him, as though he would ever pass that shaggy haired blond when he was a quarter short for the pinball machine, or the boy in the field, no ball to play. He wouldn't ever cross their path, or ever seen them. Yet he refused to stop carrying the trinkets. 

  It was strange to him, he had a piece of each kid, each kid but Billy. But it made some sense to him, he couldn't even look at the newspaper most days, and Billy had been so stripped of his identity when he had spoken to him, there was nothing left of him to keep close. As far as Buck knew, Paper Boy was the only part of Billy that remained.

He packed them away, zipping them into the inner pocket of his duffle bag. 

  Every noise made him flinch, the silence of the night made his movements seem so loud. Buck wore practically the same thing every day, a loose T-shirt , a zip up hoodie, jeans and one pair of beat up sneakers. Of course he had small bits of alternating color, but his style was basic, layered to be the least form fitting he could make it. He shoved whatever clean variations he had into his bag, not caring for neatness, rather tossing the stuff in to promptly wrinkle and crumple in ways that he would later hate himself for. He grabbed two weeks worth of boxers and socks, his swim trunks and his ratty old winter jacket. He could do laundry in laundromats along the way, but he didn't want to ever be without clean clothes.

  It was always that dumb small stuff that set him off, made his stare blank and his body go ridged. Buck heaved in a breath, glancing around. Every shadow daunted him. The realization hit him when the clock hit 3. If he didn't leave now, get out now, he never would.