Archive of Our Own ^beta

TT: I know this is an odd request, but I'm worried about her.
TT: There won't be anyone to watch her while I'm gone. What if she does something stupid?
TT: In fact, there's no question about it. Roxy will do something stupid. It's only a matter of someone being there to catch her doing it, and my mother is leaving for California only a week after I leave with Jade.
TT: As discussed, I'm willing to pay you $300 for three days, which ought to be more than enough but likely isn't. She is a hard girl to deal with and I know I am asking a lot of someone I hardly know.
GG: Oh, please, you don't have to pay me that much, Ms Lalonde!
GG: You're Jane's friend. Of course I'm willing to help, and you don't need to pay me at all.
TT: Yes, I do. You've never met Roxy, Ms Crocker. She's more than a handful.
TT: Besides, it's only polite.
GG: I won't accept payment for a mere three days of visiting your lovely home, Ms Lalonde.
TT: I insist.
TT: $80 per day?
GG: Ms Lalonde.
TT: $60.
GG: Ms Lalonde!
TT: $30.
TT: $10, even. Anything.
TT: You can't be perfectly willing to deal with my alcoholic sister just like that.
GG: Actually I am, Ms Lalonde!
GG: I will not accept any money and I will see you December 22nd bright and early!!
GG: :B
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] is now offline! --

---

It was cold outside. Jane Crocker stood outside the Lalonde mansion shivering in her coat and scarf and gloves. She'd been here only once before, when Jade was still in early high school and didn't have a license with which to drive that loud motorcycle of hers. She still was convinced Jade would kill herself riding it one day.

Thank God for Rose Lalonde, arguably the best influence on the planet. She and Jade - who was Jane's cousin by blood, but more of a sister by way of life - were going on a holiday road trip through Canada, not on her motorcycle but on Ms Lalonde's safety-tested Volvo S60. She was a smart girl, and she would keep Jade out of trouble, which was something Jane herself found hard to do at times.

In return, Jane was keeping the wild half of the Lalonde sisters under control. Roxy Lalonde. They had never formally met, but Jane was friends with Rose by way of Jade's nearing-six-years of friendship with her, and if Rose was willing to deal with Jade Jane was more than willing to deal with Roxy.

But it was cold. Stupid Boston. Jane reached out with a shivering hand to ring the doorbell again, but the door opened before she could touch it.
Standing there was a girl, taller than Jane by a good six inches, blonde hair in perma-bedhead, wearing only a T-shirt and lacy black panties. She was holding a champagne glass full of what appeared to be red wine.

"H-h-h-hey!" the girl said, mouth splitting into a smile. "You must be Janey! I've heard sooo much about you. Come on in! Want anything? I'm drinking this faaaabulous pinot noir."

"It's nine in the morning," Jane said, too startled to move inside.

"Early, isn't it? I'd normally be asleep but my mom woke me up real early when she left for Cali," Roxy explained. "I'm Roxy! Come on! It's cold out there."

It was cold. It hadn't snowed yet, but it sure smelled like it might. Jane stepped inside.

"So," Roxy said, "pinot? Or I make a mean margarita. Though I know it's December. Egg nog and brandy maybe? I don't think we have any egg nog. Have you eaten?"

"I'm fine," Jane said, fighting off a stammer. This was not what she had prepared herself for.

She had expected alcoholic, she had expected ill-behaved, she had just not expected to recognise her.

It wasn't just that she was Rose's sister. They did look alike, but not in a way that she would have connected them without that knowledge. No, Jane had seen her somewhere before, somewhere completely unrelated to Rose. She just couldn't place it, and it was bugging the living heck out of her!

"Are you sure?" Roxy pivoted on one bare foot. "You look fuckin' froze, Janey. Let's go to the fireplace. Warm you up a tad. And I can draft you to help wrap all the frickin' Christmas presents my sis bought."

"Can I drop off my luggage first?" Her suitcase felt a lot heavier now than it had felt carrying it through the airport.

"Oh yeah! Silly me. I'm a shit hostess. Lemme just." She pointed to a door at the side of the hallway. "That there's the elevator! Press the little doohickey on the side and it'll send you up."

They had an elevator? Their house was huge, granted, but even Jane - who was quite closely related to Betty of Betty Crocker, and was therefore recipient of a good thousand dollars every week without having to lift a finger - didn't have an elevator. Their house in Seattle was relatively small and it didn't seem worth it.

Jane stared. She was trying to run through all the places from which she could've possibly known Roxy.

Roxy giggled. "Hey, if you're nervous, I'll go on up with you! Promise it works perfectly well." She tapped the button to the side and the doors opened instantly.

Jane stepped into the elevator, followed by Roxy, who transferred her glass to her other hand expertly and pushed another button.

The doors slid closed, and the girls were left to stand there in uncomfortable silence.

It hit her so hard she actually physically jumped. "Lalonde! Roxy Lalonde. How did I not recognise the name right off the bat? Oh, God, you were in my biology class in seventh grade. And Latin, too, in eighth."

Roxy's eyes widened. "Well, fuck."

"Oh my God," Jane said, holding a hand to her head.

"We were, like, BFFs," Roxy said. "Weren't we? Or do I have that wrong? Mistaking you for someone else?"

"No, no, we," Jane said, "that's about right." She was trying to match up the image of Roxy-of-late-middle-school with Roxy-of-late-middle-twenties. They just...weren't syncing.

"Heeeey, I remember now," Roxy said, smiling. The doors slid open again, but neither one of them stepped out. "We met because you offered to pay for my lunch. Right?"

"Yes," Jane said. "You'd forgotten your lunch money."

"I was pretty dumb back then!" Roxy said.

"You were never dumb," Jane said softly. "You had genius marks in biology."

"I tutored you in biology," Roxy said, poking Jane's chest with her free hand and a smirk. "You nearly goddamn failed!"

Jane laughed. "I was fine in high school."

"Were you? I never saw you after eighth grade," Roxy said, squinting.

"I think we tried to email, but never got around to it," Jane lied.

"Yeah," Roxy said. She shrugged. "Well, it happens."

"And look at us now."

"Look at us now!" Roxy said, almost too loudly. "We are fucking precious. Here, lemme grab your bag, I'll show your room to you, huh?" She snatched Jane's bag up and strode out of the elevator, pinot sloshing rather worryingly.

Jane didn't move, though the elevator dinged at her insistently.

The surprise hadn't been in that they'd been friends. No, she could've dealt with that just fine. It had been in the one thing Roxy didn't seem to remember: the reason why they never spoke after eighth grade Latin.

The sleepover.

---

"I know she stores it somewhere around here," Roxy said, blonde curls falling in front of her eyes as she rummaged in the cabinets.

Jane, blue pajamas too long for her short pudgy legs, glanced nervously around the corner. "What if she tries to come find you?"

"Aw, she doesn't ever," Roxy said. "You worry too much, Janey! It'll be great."

"My dad says I shouldn't drink," Jane said, biting her lip.

"Your dad worries too much," Roxy said. Her shoulders gave a little jump, and, triumphant, she withdrew a bottle of something dark.

"What if we die?" Jane asked, bringing her fingernail up to her mouth so she could bite that too.

"We woooon't," Roxy said, whacking Jane's shoulder lightly with the bottle. "C'mon back up to my room, we can take turns having a taste!"

"'ve you done this before?" Jane asked, following her up the stairs.

"Coupla times! Rose never does it with me. Such a baby."

"She's only a third grader," Jane said. "Don't expect too much of her."

Roxy turned around, jump-stepping backwards up the stairs, swinging the bottle back and forth, and stuck out her tongue. "Whatevs! She ought to take a leap sometimes, you feel me, Janey?"

"I feel you," Jane said, smiling. Sometimes Roxy's demeanor was just so darned contagious, she couldn't help it!

Roxy flung open her double doors with a flourish. "Heeeere we go! Rose'll bring up the pizza when it comes, I told her to."

Jane glanced around the room. It was big. Much bigger than her room, even though her family was well-off, though her father told her to admit that in public was rude. It was also very pink.

Roxy collapsed on the big air mattress - covered in, unsurprisingly, a pink comforter - and patted the spot next to her. "You worryin' again, Janey?"

"Will she be okay with the pizza guy?"

"Sure she will," Roxy said. "She does it for me and Mom all the time." Jane didn't look convinced, so Roxy shrugged and set about opening the alcohol. "Worrier."

Jane had been about to say something else warning Roxy of the many dangers of drinking alcohol, but she didn't want to be called a worrier again, so she closed her mouth tight.

"Wanna play a game?"

"Sure," Jane said, just to see Roxy's grin.

"Okay, I take a sip and tell you something you don't know about me, and then you take a sip and tell me something I don't know about you, and we keep trading until you get the drunk feeling," Roxy explained. "Okay?"

"Okay," Jane said. "What's the drunk feeling?"

"Y'know, funky," Roxy said, waving her hand. "You'll know it when you get it."

"Okay," Jane said.

Roxy bounced. "All righty, I'll start!" She took a swig and licked her lips after. Her tongue was tiny and delicate. Jane watched it carefully. "Mmmmmmallright, cats are my favourite animal."

"I've known that since we met, you sillyhead," Jane said, giggling.

"Shoosh," Roxy announced. "Your turn!" She passed the bottle.

Jane stared at the murky liquid. Her father had told her over and over that drinking was not a good decision, but Roxy seemed to think it definitely was. The two of them battled it out in her head - her father waving his pipe; Roxy waving, just waving, waving her hand - and Jane lifted the bottle and drank.

And immediately spat. "This tastes like butt!" she exclaimed.

"How d'ya know what butt tastes like, you butt?" Roxy put a cold hand on her thigh. "Try again, lessee if you can get any down this time."

When Jane drank this time, she was focusing on the hand and not the taste, and the awful-tasting stuff went down like chocolate milk. "Umm," she said. "My tummy feels warm."

Roxy giggled. "That's something I didn't know about you! 'kay, my turn."

Jane didn't hear half the secrets Roxy spat out, because Roxy's hand was still there on her thigh, and after a good half hour of taking drinks and saying secrets Roxy had scooted so close Jane could smell the stuff on her breath.

Everything was getting a bit weird, and she guessed this was the drunk feeling Roxy meant, so she said, "This'll be my last time."

"Aw, already? Lightweight," Roxy teased, but she was practically falling over. "Okay, secret, though."

"Okay," Jane said, taking a swig. She considered something to say. And kept considering. And kept considering.

It was like all thoughts had just fled her head, and then she had to laugh about that because it rhymed, and then Roxy was asking her why she was laughing, and something in her head must've snapped and hit a switch funny because she turned her head and she kissed that girl. Jane Crocker kissed Roxy Lalonde square on the lips in the middle of a big pink plush room and they both tasted like good expensive whiskey and it was a sloppy kiss, a terrible kiss, but to Jane it was the best first kiss she could've dreamed up in any single one of her dreams.

When she finally pulled away Roxy's luminously pink eyes were staring directly into hers, with an unreadable expression.

Jane opened her mouth to say something, but instead of listening Roxy grabbed the whiskey bottle back and rolled over without saying anything and they didn't talk for the rest of the night.

Jane called her dad at six AM with a headache and he drove her home before Roxy even woke up without asking any questions.

Roxy never tutored her in biology again.

---

"Here we go," Roxy said, turning into a room even bigger than hers had been in Jane's memory. "This all right?"

"Wow," Jane said. "It's great, thanks." The Lalondes had moved to a new house since she'd been over, but then that had been a long time ago. She shouldn't have been surprised.

"You're welcome!" Roxy said. "Wanna come on back downstairs?"

"Sure," Jane said, not really paying attention.

"I made brownies," Roxy said. "Weed optional." She giggled, a high-pitched rendition of her eighth-grade laugh. Jane's shoulders slumped a little.

"No weed, thanks," she said, voice going hard on the last word.

Roxy stared, surprised. "Joke, Janey. I don't do drugs."

"Good," Jane said, shoulders relaxing.

Roxy blinked, and then turned away and walked out of the door, hips swaying. "I'll get you a brownie and some cold milk, howsabout that?"

Jane followed her wordlessly.

The ride in the elevator was Jane being silent and Roxy chattering about Betty Crocker brownie mix. When they stepped out, Jane following Roxy robotically to the kitchen, Roxy set her pinot down on the counter and turned, suddenly all no-nonsense.

"You're worryin'," she said. "You did that, as I recall."

"I'm not worrying about anything," Jane said, crossing her arms.

"Are too," Roxy said.

"What could I possibly be worrying about?"

"The kiss," Roxy said matter-of-factly.

So she did remember.

Roxy tilted her head. "You don't have to look so shell-shocked, Janey. I'm not a total lush. Haven't drunk away my memory quite yet."

Jane took a step back. "If you're uncomfortable with me here," she said quietly, bitterly, "I'll just go."

Roxy held up a hand. "Nah, Rose would freak. Besides, you think I'm uncomfortable with lesbians? You can't honestly think Rose and Jade are BFFs on their first international trip, right?"

Jane didn't think that, but she didn't say anything.

"Plus, I'm bi, so whatevs," Roxy said, shrugging.

Jane's eyes went wide.

"Ladies are pretty," she said. "Guys are hot. I mean, whoever loves me I'm gonna try and love back, right? More Lalonde for everyone!" She winked. "Anyway, you want that brownie?"

"I'd love the brownie," Jane said, still dumbfounded.

"Go ahead and siddown by the fire, next room over," Roxy said, nodding her head in its general direction. "Blankets in there, too."

Jane went to sit down, curling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. She didn't bother grabbing a blanket, too busy trying to get her brain around the idea that her first kiss, first heartbreak, first best friend for that matter, had some biological possibility of liking her someday.

"That's ridiculous," she said to herself. "Don't be ridiculous." She pinched her hand, but the thought wouldn't stop bugging her. "You're being ridiculous."

"Who's being what?" Roxy entered the room and plopped down next to her, nearly splashing milk all over Jane's pants.

"Nobody's being nothing!" Jane said, grabbing the milk before it flooded the couch. "Thanks."

"Sure thingy!" Roxy reclined, arms behind her head. "Well, how've you been? All right? Had any girlfriends since I cruelly rejected you in eighth grade? Sorry 'bout that, b-t-w."

"It's fine," Jane said, and she kind of meant it. "Um, yeah, I've had a few relationships. None of them have really worked out, though."

"Aw," Roxy said, pouting. "Why not? You're cute, nice, smart, funny, the whole package. What gives?"

Jane ignored the happy shivering of her heart. Hearts didn't shiver or have emotions, anyway. "Um, I'm asexual, and the girls I dated weren't. It kind of made for some, well, issues."

"Oh!" Roxy nodded, making a face. "So rude. Sorry that didn't work out for you, cutie."

Cutie, Jane's heart yelled. She called me a cutie!

I will not have a squish on Roxy Lalonde, Jane told herself. I will not have a squish on a drunk twenty-eight year old with a wizard fetish and a cat problem and the longest fluttering lashes framing the most beautiful pink eyes and oh gosh darn it all to hell.

"You okay, Crocker?" Roxy asked, tilting her head towards her.

"I'm fine," Jane said. She fidgeted, took a sip of her milk. "Do you...want to watch some television?"

"Hell yeah I do! You like LOGO? I think there's a RuPaul's Drag Race marathon happenin'." Roxy picked up the remote.

It was indeed a marathon, but Jane didn't watch a single moment of it. She was too busy watching Roxy. Every little movement brought back memories, the memories that had made Jane kiss Roxy in eighth grade.

Back then she hadn't known she was asexual, just knew she kind of liked girls, or more specifically knew she liked Roxy, but when she searched things about lesbians online all she could find was pornography where the girls pulled awful faces and they showed more skin than Jane even wanted to see on herself. All she wanted to do with Roxy was what she normally did, the way Roxy fell into her lap and demanded head-scratchings like a lapdog, the way Roxy would kiss the tips of her ears when she wasn't feeling well, the way Roxy would sneak up from behind her at school and draw her into a surprise hug. She just wanted to do all that and apply the word girlfriend to it, that was all, but she had no idea how to do it, and when she finally made a move she'd been crushed for months.

And it wasn't like she was just striking out. She'd lost Roxy then, her best friend for three years straight, and went into high school completely alone. Sure, she'd met Jake and Dirk there, and they still kept in touch even now, but that didn't mean it hadn't hurt.

But the way Roxy sat, just watching television and sipping her drink, it was like nothing had changed. Like they'd just grown up a few years. She'd gotten taller, gotten shapelier, but it was still Roxy with her haphazard hair and her big pink eyes and too much mascara. All the same habits - lip gloss that she kept licking away and reapplying, the way she couldn't keep her hands still, how when she was exasperated with someone on the screen she'd throw her head back and let out a desperate sigh. Sometimes she'd talk to the people onscreen like they could hear her, and when they didn't take her "advice" she'd shake her head and tsk. It was - unnervingly - exactly like it had been when they watched movies together in eighth grade.

"I can't believe I remember all this," Jane said softly.

Roxy paused the show, something Jane hadn't even known you could do, and turned to her. "Hmm?"

"I was just thinking about when we were friends," Jane said. "It was, what, fourteen years ago?"

"Forever ago," Roxy said, taking another swig of her drink. "You know I liked you back then?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah," said Roxy. "I kinda...well, I was havin' some problems, wrapping my head around being not-straight, and when you kissed me it just was like, uh, uh-uh, we're not going here. You feel me?"

"I feel you," Jane said quietly.

"I'm sorry how that turned out," Roxy said. "I think dating you through high school woulda been the best use of high school I had."

"Mmm," Jane said, mind blanking.

Someone on the show got kicked off and Roxy turned her attention back to it, raising a fist in fury. "It shoulda been Lady Pink!" she yelled at the TV. "It shoulda...aw, come on."

"I'm going to go read a book," Jane said, excusing herself.

"Yeah, okay," said Roxy, not taking her eyes off of the screen.

---

Roxy was sitting on the edge of her bed when she woke up the next day, freezing, nursing a cup of hot chocolate. "Heating's down," she said good-naturedly. "It's blizzarding. Took it long enough, really. Want a cocoa?"

"Some extra blankets, too, maybe," Jane said, teeth chattering.

"That's New England for you," Roxy said over her shoulder as she stood, her lacy nightie swinging around her legs. "Sorry it's so cold!"

"Oh, nonsense," Jane said. "It's certainly not your fault."

"Yeah, well, I coulda at least contacted the weather gods or something," Roxy said. "Poor hostessing once again, my B. Cocoa and blankets downstairs, and body heat if you want it." She wiggled her fingers - gloved in pink - at Jane.

"A coat, too," Jane agreed. "Mind if I get dressed?"

"Not't'all, you want me to get lost?"

Jane flushed and nodded. She hadn't had anyone see her naked since her last girlfriend, and that hadn't really worked out too well, so maybe - definitely - it was something to avoid for now.

"Roger," Roxy said, saluting cheekily. She half-danced, half-walked out of Jane's room, and Jane watched her go. She was wearing a peach waistcoat that looked expensive and wooly, and beneath that dark jeans and boots with heels. Heeled boots inside the house? It seemed like a silly decision, but then a lot of decisions Roxy made were silly.

Jane found her coat, jeans, a shirt, and fresh undergarments in her bag, stripping quickly to minimise the time spent in the cold. Gosh, it really was cold. She hoped Roxy had actual heaps of blankets downstairs.

In fact, she did. There was already a fire going, and Roxy had set up a pile of pillows and blankets in front of it. She wasn't currently there (gone to make the cocoa, Jane imagined), so she gingerly crawled beneath a blue fleecey dealie and rested her chin on the pillow in front of it.

An unseen hand pulled another few blankets atop her. "I stirred some peppermint into yours," the owner of the unseen hand said, crouching down and offering her the cocoa.

Jane accepted and took a sip. "It's very good," she said, but she was thinking Do you ever brush your hair? And is it supposed to be endearing that you don't?

Roxy beamed. "Glad you think so! Now I'm just gonna crawl under here, 'scuse me, pardon pardon." She actually said it like that, her pardons all mushed together, no commas to behold, and then she dove into the pile of blankets like she was a cartoon character and the pile was a pile of autumn leaves.

"You're like a little kid," Jane said without thinking.

Roxy tilted her head, smiling. "Am I?"

Jane flushed. "Well, yeah. A little kid who drinks."

"I drank when I was little," Roxy said, staring at the fire. "It's not a big deal, Crocker. Just alcohol."

"It's really bad for you," Jane said in a small voice.

Roxy didn't say anything back.

Jane coughed. Maybe she should've stayed asleep in her thin-blanket bed.

"I know," Roxy said finally. She glanced at Jane. "So, Janey, tell me about what it's like being asexual."

Jane was taken aback. "What is there to tell?"

"How's it work? Do you just not like sexin' it up or what?"

"Well, yeah. That's what it means."

"You gonna die a virgin?"

"...I sure hope so."

"Huh," Roxy said, still staring at the fire. "I think that's pretty cool."

"Mm?" Jane said, just to be polite.

"You fall in love with someone because you fall in love with them," Roxy said. "Not for their breasts or their butt. For them." She lifted her shoulders in an approximation of a shrug. "I think that's pretty cool, is all!"

"I guess," Jane said, kind of surprised. She'd thought Roxy was kind of sloshed. Not really in the sort of mindset for speculating about sexual orientations.

"You thought I was just a drunky," Roxy said, sounding kind of amused. Jane sneaked a look at her face. She was grinning. "Well, Janey, I'm both a drunky and an intellectual. They can go hand in hand if you try reeeally hard, y'know."

"It doesn't seem like you're trying really hard," Jane said.

"Yeah?" Roxy nodded, pursing her lips. "I'm not, really. If I was trying really hard I'd have a real job and not be living off of Mommy's inheritance." She shrugged. "But that means if I was trying I wouldn't be able to buy good bourbon and veg out watching shitty horror movie marathons on SyFy."

"You still could, just on the weekends," Jane said.

"Well," Roxy said, resting her chin on the pillows. "I dunno. It sounds kinda lonely, workin' all the time. My mom - my mom worked all the time and we never got to see her."

"I remember," Jane said.

"That's right," Roxy said. "You came over a few times, didn't you?"

"You talked about her, too."

"Did I." Roxy was quiet.

"We talked about a lot of things."

"I'd like to talk to you about them now, too," said Roxy.

"Oh, yes?" Jade said, humouring her.

"Yes," Roxy said, turning her head back towards Jane, pink eyes heavily lidded. Before Jane knew what was happening, Roxy had kissed her on the cheek, leaving a smudge of lip gloss.

She didn't say anything for a moment, too startled to speak.

"Aw, fudge," Roxy said, turning away. "I'm sorry. I thought you might still like me, even a little, but, uh, sorry, I guess. Y'want me to go?"

"No," Jane said, quickly, as soon as she'd finished her sentence. "No, no, I was just surprised. My apologies."

"Nah," Roxy said. "It's fine."

"Do you...still like me, then?"

"Yeah," Roxy said. "It's okay if you don't."

It wasn't that she didn't. It was that she was afraid if she did she would mess up the relationship like she did with every other non-ace girl she'd ever dated.

"Roxy," Jane said, closing her eyes and slumping onto the pillow, "do you remember the first time I stayed over to your house?"

"Sure I do," Roxy said. "When it snowed real bad that one year?"

"Yeah."

"Well, yeah!"

---

"I dunno if it'll let up," Roxy said, squinting out the window. "You might have to sleep over!"

"My dad doesn't like it when I sleep over," Jane said, biting her lip.

"Aw, nah," Roxy said. "You won't be able to get home in this weather. The cars don't go on roads like this. He'll have to let you stay home." She jumped off the couch she was sitting on, beaming. "'Til he calls, you wanna go and throw some snow around?"

"I thought you said it wasn't gonna let up."

"Yeah, so does that mean we can't go out in it on foot?" Roxy rolled her eyes. "I've got some spare gloves and doodads around here somewhere, wait here, mmkay?" She dashed off into the upstairs of the Lalonde house, leaving Jane sitting on the couch staring out the window. It was snowing really hard out there.

Roxy brought back a coat, gloves, and a scarf, dumping them all unceremoniously on Jane's lap. "Come on! Hurry your butt up," she said, already slipping into her own gear. "We gotta go while it's still snowing so we can catch the flakes."

"It'll be cold," Jane said, hesitating.

"That's the best part!" Roxy said, eyes sparkling. "C'mon! Race you to the tree."

"I'll die," Jane warned her, pulling on her boots.

She didn't die, though. She didn't die at all. She soaked the hems of her jeans and she fell over once, catching herself with her hands, but Roxy helped her up both times. They made snow angels and a fort that collapsed twice, until Roxy had the idea to support it using twigs.

Though it wasn't exactly the most comfortable of structures, it fit both of them, and they crawled into it on opposite ends so their faces met in the middle and they could talk to each other. Roxy talked about her mom, mostly, and Jane drew little sad faces in the snow that Roxy giggled at and brushed away with her gloves.

Then Roxy asked about Jane's dad and she started talking about him and how he liked to make sure she was safe all the time, and Roxy nodded and smiled and frowned in all the right places so Jane knew she was really listening. They talked about sisters, Roxy about Rose and Jane about her cousin Jade, and Roxy said it was pretty cool that Jane was an only child because she must've gotten a lot of attention, and Jane shrugged and said she guessed.

It was there, in that little misshapen igloo, that Jane decided she first liked Roxy. She was pretty and smart and nice and funny and she was Jane's friend and that was all Jane had ever wanted in any kind of romance.

"Your nose is getting cold," Roxy said, poking it.

Jane giggled. It had been cold for a while, but she hadn't wanted to say anything and have to leave their fort.

"Plus, your jeans must be soaked," Roxy continued. "Wanna go inside? You can change into jeans of mine, and Rose can handle making us cocoa."

"Yeah!" Jane said, sliding out of their fort. Roxy didn't even bother to be so careful: she just stood up, collapsing the whole thing for the third time.

Jane started giggling uncontrollably, and Roxy started too, and then they just couldn't stop, walking into the house and trailing wet drips of snow all over the nice carpet and laughing their lungs empty.

It was the most fun Jane had had in her whole life.

---

"That was when I started liking you," Jane said.

"Weeeell," Roxy said. "I don't remember when I started liking you, or I'd tell you the story of it, I bet, but, uh." She paused. "There's still a question to be begged."

"All right, so beg it," said Jane.

"Do you like me or not?"

Jane exhaled. "Yeah...maybe."

Roxy giggled and took a sip of her cocoa. "Nah, really! Do you?"

"I just gave you an answer!"

"So can I kiss you?"

Jane was at a loss for words.

Roxy crinkled her eyes at the edges and brushed some hair out of Jane's eyes and twisted to kiss her gently on the lips. She lingered there for a moment, then pulled back, looking anxious.

"Was that okay?" she asked. "Not too far?"

"No," Jane reassured her, all her muscles relaxing. "It was fine. It was lovely."

Roxy's face flooded with relief.

"You're lovely," Jane added shyly.

Roxy smiled so brightly Jane had to blink. "I like you like whoa, you know that, Janey?"

"I like you, too, RoLal." And she did - she did.

"Are you worrying?" Roxy asked. She wiggled a little closer to Jane, making a blanket fall off of her back. Jane pulled the blanket over her and up to her torso.

"Maybe a little," Jane whispered. Maybe a lot.

"Well," Roxy said. "You know me p well, I'd say, since it's not as if I've become a different Roxy since eighth grade. And if you know me, you know I'm not the type of person who allows worrying." She snaked a hand over to Jane's. "So stop worrying."

Not exactly talking out their problems, but it did make Jane feel better. She did know Roxy: she could trust her.

They lay there in a comfortable silence, the crackling fire warming the air. Drowsily, eyes half-lidded already though she'd only been lying there a few moments, Roxy whispered, "Can we snuggle?"

Jane instantly felt a bit awkward. She'd never done that sort of thing before, not properly, even with her old exes. What if she messed up?

"It's okay," Roxy said, grinning at her, as if she was a psychic. "It's not hard to do."

Jane opened her arms - in surrender or willingness, she wasn't sure - and Roxy, smiling, slid an arm beneath her head and the other around Jane's waist.

Jane relaxed into her embrace, took in the smell of her perfume. The ends of her blonde curls tickled her cheek.

"Be my cuddle buddy?" she murmured into Jane's ear.

"Okay," Jane said, in a hushed voice, like she thought she might break the spell by talking too loudly.

Roxy giggled, for once not at all tipsily, and Jane felt so lucky.

It was still cold, but the fire and the blankets and their shared body heat were more than enough to keep that nasty frostbite off. It snowed outside like it might never stop, but inside the looming Lalonde mansion, there were two girls who liked each other and who fell asleep, warm and content, to the sound of each other's breathing.

---

Christmas morning, Rose and Jade came home to find Roxy and Jane asleep in a pile of blankets and wrapping paper, their entwined hands resting to the side of a half-wrapped box.

Jade pressed a quick kiss to the side of Rose's cheek and pulled her upstairs, so the other two girls could get their sleep.