Archive of Our Own ^beta

Felix repeats the moment over and over in his head as the car speeds away.

Snow Tiger secure.

Chan’s voice replayed again and again.

Except it’s not the voice of Chan, resident advisor and third year audio engineering major, who brought first year nursing-hopeful Felix on a date tonight.

It’s the voice of Chan, bodyguard and apparent extraction expert, who guided Felix as the third in line for the throne through the kitchen, out the side door and down the back alley ways to the waiting secure vehicle after a group of someones had accosted them at their table.

Snow Tiger secure. 

His jacket is missing, no doubt left behind in the chaos at the restaurant. His white shirt, so gleefully selected by Jisung that morning, is a mess of stains from their impromptu exit through the busy kitchens. There’s a jagged tear that runs yoke to pocket from a corner he’d hit a little too hard in their haste to escape. There is a dull ache in his shoulder but it’s nothing compared to that of his heart.

Felix probably needs to call someone and warn them that a pap with a big camera had a front row seat to the incident. He should call his mother and tell her he’s alright. He should warn Jisung that he won’t be home tonight. He should - he should - he should - but he can’t . He’s still stuck on Chan. Their last moment together.

Snow Tiger secure.

If his name really is Chan, some corner of his brain whispers back to him.

He looks back on all their moments together, little boxes of memories, and tries to turn them over in his hands to find the deception he missed the first time.

An in-ear piece he overlooked.

A walkie talkie in his hands when it should have been a cell phone.

A pocket-knife that had a few too many additional features.

No matter how hard he looks back, knowing what he knows now, he still can’t see the act. In truth all Felix can see in each one of these moments is Chan.

The way his dark curls fell over his forehead once he finally took off his hats.

The way his brow furrowed with concentration during their study sessions.

The way he had smiled at Felix the move-in day they had met - Felix, the freshman enthusiastic for some hints of a normal life away from the palace, and Chan, his resident advisor. He had shaken Felix’s hand and greeted him like a normal person and not like some creature at the zoo to be gawked at or an asset that needed to be guarded. After a morning of security debriefs and an afternoon spent with university staff already trying to work an angle, Chan was a breath of fresh air. It gave Felix the hope he needed to get through that first roommate meeting with Jisung and all the awkwardness that had come with their heavily monitored first trip down to the dining hall.

The first college party Felix had managed to convince his handlers to let him attend, arm in arm with Jisung as they’d wandered through the house each with a shitty beer gripped tight in one hand. Try as they might to ignore the two suit shadows that followed, it had been difficult to do when everyone else at the party kept staring.

And then had come Chan, to the rescue.

All one hundred and seventy centimeters of muscled glory in his unassuming dark wash jeans and a tank top that was just on this side of indecent. He had taken one look at their tail and rolled his eyes before offering the pair some better drinks and steering them towards the dance floor.

Looking back now, Felix can recognize how Daniel and Junho had conceded too quickly. How they would have never truly allowed Felix to be out of their sight in such an uncontrolled situation. How there had to be some third party  keeping watching. Felix can see now how that role fell to Chan. He hadn’t left their sides at all, something Felix felt flattered by at the time, his own feelings for Chan already slowly but steadily building into a crush. That night had sealed the deal, between Chan’s caring concern for the two of them and the way his arm flexed as he danced, Felix was a goner. A truth he admitted to Jisung as they stumbled home together in the dark hours of the next morning, once again shadowed by the suits.

Felix wonders now if this is all written out in a report somewhere, filed in neatly nested server folders named for the year and the date and the subject.

Staged run-in with subject after 1500 lab class. Invited him out to dinner under the guise of checking in. Directed him to a pre-approved dining facility where he attempted to flirt with me . Determined this could be the best angle to gain subjects' trust so attempted to flirt back. Smiled in a manner that most prominently displayed dimples and subject’s  ears flushed red. Will continue to create connections unless directed otherwise.

It’s so horrible that Felix can hardly consider it without his stomach turning. He presses his head to the car window and lets his eyes drift shut. His mother will be furious with the security breach from tonight and will likely demand he return home immediately. He’s almost tempted to leave before she asks, just pack up everything while Jisung is away so he doesn’t have to answer any awkward questions.

Yes he’s okay. No, he and Chan didn’t get any further . And actually, hey! You wanna know something funny? He’s not even a real college student!  He’s just a bodyguard, a plant set by Felix’s father this whole time!

Felix doesn’t think he could take Jisung’s pity.

The city keeps flashing by.

Dowoon is the driver for the evening and Brian the agent on duty. They don’t talk among themselves as usual, instead alternating between glancing back at Felix and fiddling with the radio.

Love on Top comes on and the tears come to Felix eyes unbidden. The last time he heard this song had been during his first round of midterms. Chan had found him late in the night, buried in a pile of books in a hidden corner of the library while his usual shadows kept watch from the corner armchair.

(And isn’t that another kick in the teeth now. He’d never questioned how Chan always found him, had wondered once or twice if it might be fate. Turns out fate is a bracelet GPS tracker he’s been made to wear since he was a preteen.)

Chan dropped his backpack into the chair across from Felix and had pulled out the one beside him to sit in. Their knees had knocked against each other and then their thighs had pressed together once he sat down and it sent his heart into such a flutter he wondered if Chan could hear it.

Oblivious to the turmoil going on in Felix’s head, Chan had pulled the left headphone out of his ear and placed it in his own, bopping along to the beat once the song had apparently registered.

Ah, Beyonce! he had whispered, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. He’d even started singing along in a strange half whispered falsetto before Felix had frantically shushed him, ever fearful of attracting more attention than he already had.

That was the first night his crush on Chan turned to something more. After a mostly unproductive study session where they spent hours exchanging more personal stories than study tips, they’d packed their things and started the trek back through campus.

The moment they stepped from the building and Felix was brought to shivers from the chilly fall night , Chan had dropped his sweatshirt over Felix’s shoulders, ignoring all objections as he’d taken it another step further, pulling the grey beanie from his head and jamming it down onto Felix’s. The warmth from that moment (and of course Chan’s proffered clothes) had carried them back to the building. Felix nearly swooned as they walked up the steps and he felt Chan’s hand at his lower back. It made him so giddy in the moment when they finally stopped at his door, Felix had leaned in and given Chan a peck in the cheek. Further emboldened by Chan’s blush, Felix had asked him to dinner and had to stop himself from jumping with joy after Chan agreed that “it was a date.”

Which brings them right back to this moment here.

Felix is still lost in thought when the car door is opened from under him and he stumbles out, saved from any further embarrassment of the evening by Brian’s reflexes. He gives Felix a strange look but says nothing, standing him upright and letting him go after an appropriate amount of time.

His hands continue to hover but not touch as Felix ascends the stairs to the consulate. It’s late enough that most of the staff have already gone home only leaving behind a skeleton crew to witness Felix’s humiliation. He’s sure the story is already making waves through the security team but now it’s threatening to spread. At least he will be far away come morning. He won’t have to see their pitying stares or the conversations that die down as he enters the room.

The man behind the desk bows once he crosses the threshold, his official falling from his tongue in an unfamiliar greeting. He gestures to someone else who again bows in turn before leading Felix through the building.

They set him up in a back room with a cot. Someone’s shirt and a pair of university sweats are already laying out for him, a still wrapped toothbrush sat right on top. An agent will be on guard outside his door all night, they explain. There’s a panic button hidden in the cabinet drawer, they point out . Felix nods along, standard protocol for an incident such as this one he supposes. They finally escort him to the bathroom where he completes what he can of his evening ablutions.

He comes back to his flashing from the bed-  a message from his mother.

We’ve been debriefed. I’ll be flying over in the morning to pick you up. End of discussion.

An odd feeling washes over him.

He’ll be out of here first thing in the morning.

With that in mind he falls into an uneasy sleep.

~~

He’s woken by the sound of yelling. Any fear he would have felt disappears as he recognizes one of the voices as Chan’s. Scrambling out of the bed, he presses his ear to the door desperate to hear more.

“-know I can’t let you in there.”

“Please, Brian just five minutes and then I’ll leave . I need to talk to him. You owe me one .”

The desperation in Chan’s voice has Felix’s heart flipping.

“One favor is not large enough to cover this shit show. Your ass is gonna be out the door as soon as Park hears about this. Last thing I need is to be out on my ass too. Sorry, but I have my guys to think about too.”

There is a pause. When Brian speaks again, his tone is softer, forcing Felix to strain to listen.

“What the hell were you thinking, Bahng? You were supposed to befriend the kid to keep an eye on him not get into his pants. The king’s son.. Minho’s younger brother. I don’t know which is worse.”

Felix’s eyes widened. They speak of Minho so informally it would improper, except it sounds almost  … familiar?

“You think I don’t know how colossally fucked this is? You think I didn’t realize how much trouble I was going to be in? I didn’t mean to, I mean- God - I didn’t think this would happen! I thought maybe we would hang out a bit and become friends like Minho and I. I didn’t think he would - we would - hit it off quite so well, you know?”

Felix has heard enough.

He pulls open the door and steps out. Carefully schooling his expression into something neutral, he looks to Brian and speaks with as much authority as he can muster.

“Leave. I would like to speak to him.”

Brian hesitates , glancing between the two of them.

“Agent Bahng has apparently done a sufficient job keeping me safe so far. I am sure the  five minutes alone will not prove an exception.”

Chan flinches at his title but this apparently satisfies Brian who steps away without further argument.

“There. You have your five minutes - you may say what you wish.”

Felix knows his tone is cold but standing in front of Chan, the man he probably loves, half awake in someone else’s pajamas, he needs that little barrier.

Chan says nothing, eyes roaming over his face and body like he’s checking for something. Wordlessly, Felix pulls aside the collar. He hasn’t looked at the scrape himself but he can imagine how the angry red line looks against the mottled purple if a developing bruise. Based on the wince that flashes across Chan’s face, it looks worse than it feels. His hand makes an aborted motion, as if he wanted it to reach out and touch but remembered his place.

“I’m fine,” he explains shortly. “Now do you want to talk? Or do you want to waste your five minutes staring?”

Chan laughs, low and uneasy.

“That’s the problem, Lix. I never know how to think when I’m around you.”

“Start with this then - did you mean what you said to Brian? That you didn’t mean for this to happen. That - that Minho-hyung didn’t put you up to this in some convoluted scheme to keep an eye on me at school?”

“No! It wasn’t like that, I mean, it wasn’t so simple. You wanted some hint of normalcy and they wanted to make sure you would be safe and happy, no matter what.”

His heart drops.

“I. … I understand why you may have felt that you had to do what you did to keep me safe- “

“Felix -“

“- and I appreciate the sacrifices you had to make so I just wanted to say, if you want to keep your job-“

“Felix, can you atleast look at me, please?”

Felix doesn’t know when his gaze dropped but he knows he can’t. He can’t look Chan in the eyes as he offers him a way out. He can’t watch him take it.

“… no.” He whimpers out pathetically.

“Felix.”

He can see out of his periphery as Chan steps close. Helpless to his feelings, he falls into Chan’s arms.

“I’m just so tired of people using me or working for me! I thought- I thought I finally found someone who liked me and wanted to be with me. For me.”

It’s ironic, saying all this while sobbing into Chan’s arms but somehow that’s what this has come to.

“Lix, you really think I would have said yes to the date if I was just there for the job? That I would have kissed back because of something your brother asked? Minho may be the crown prince but he doesn’t rule my heart.”  

Felix stiffles his next cry and pulls back from where he’s buried in Chan’s shoulder to look him in the eye.

“You mean- .”

“I mean, everything I said during our date, I meant. Everything I told you about me has been true. I took this job as a favor to Minho, yes. But we became friends because of you. I said yes to the date because of you, I am falling for y-”

Felix stops him with a kiss. His hand tangles in Chan’s hair as his arms drop to hold his waist. Chan’s lips are soft against his own and part easily so his tongue can slip inside. Before he can deepen the kiss any further though, Chan is pulling away.

“We can’t, we can’t do this here. Not with … everything going on.”

He rests his forehead against Felix’s.

“I want to do it right this time, yeah? No secrets , no rush.”

Felix pouts. He knows Chan is right but he c

Suddenly he remembers.

“Hmm, well if we said no secrets, I suppose I should warn you. I know you said no rush but you’re going to have to meet some of the family first thing in the morning. They’re coming to get me… though I suppose I may want to talk them out of it now. I hope they won’t scare you off.”

Chan laughs.

“Minho and I were in the same unit for years, he doesn’t scare me.”

Now it’s Felix’s turn to laugh

“Who said anything about Minho? I hope you’re not too scared to meet my mother.”

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