Archive of Our Own ^beta

Okay, so, it's not like Jisung wanted to procrastinate on his projects, really, he's usually more… well he gets them done on time.

Now, however, he's hit a slump of sorts, he may have let himself spiral into another depressive episode filled with pure, unfiltered anxiety and extreme insomnia.

He may have been wrapped up in his softest blanket, hidden in the comfort of his bedroom's four walls, doing nothing but lying in bed and having the same thoughts circle in his head.

So yeah.

He was certainly getting a good scolding from Chan, but hey, at least he can blame it on depression and get away with just a small lecture about taking better care of himself.

Today is a Saturday, it's the first day in two weeks that he made an effort to get out of bed and make himself presentable. He feels disgusting and disappointed after almost two weeks of rotting in the same clothes and not brushing his teeth.

After a long overdue shower, and brushing his teeth twice, he decided that the best course of action was to go to a cozy little café and get his daily dose of caffeine and a sweet treat. He decides to check out this café a few blocks down from where he lives, Changbin has been raving about it and Felix had mentioned cute guys working there, so of course Jisung had to see for himself.

It's a twenty minute walk and he's thoroughly exhausted once he's pushing open the doors of HotShot.

His friends didn't mention it being a cat café, it's why he's surprised to see a ginger cat laying on one of the cozy looking couches. He steps into the warmth of the shop, his senses immediately invaded by the strong smell of coffee and flowers, a weird but not unpleasant combination.

Stepping closer to the counter, he's looking through the display filled with various delicious looking pastries.

“Hello, welcome to HotShot, what can I get for you?” a cheerful voice startles Jisung out of his thoughts.

Looking over, he's met with a handsome, tall guy. His hair is buzzed and blonde and his name tag reads: Hyunjin.

That's the guy Felix was gushing about.

“Hi, uhm… I'd like an iced americano, large, and a piece of strawberry cheesecake, please.” And Jisung is aware that he sounds like a scared little kid, but he can't help the anxiety he feels at the thought of speaking to someone new.

“Okay, is that for here or take out?” Hyunjin asked, smiling so brightly at Jisung that he couldn't help but relax.

“Uhm… for here…” he trails of, grabbing his wallet and taking out the right amount of won and hands it to Hyunjin.

“Alright, go ahead and take a seat, someone will bring you your order as soon as it's ready.” Hyunjin states moving away to presumably finish up his order.

Jisung turns around and looks through the almost empty café.

He decides to take a seat on the couch next to the tall window and pulls out his laptop, silently praying that it still has somewhat of a decent battery percentage.

Once the screen flashes to life, displaying his lockscreen, he notes the 80% battery at the bottom right corner. He sighs out in relief and unlocks it, being met with the still open doc's page from two weeks ago. Still empty.

It’s hard to come up with a good song for his best friend.

Seriously, why did Felix need a slow paced love song?

Maybe if Jisung had more experience with being in love, he'd have already finished this and had the weekend all to himself. It's not like Jisung’s a virgin, he's just never really been in love.

So he's sitting there, both mind and page blank, when someone places down a slice of strawberry cheesecake and a large americano. He looks up and is met with the most stunning man ever.

He was so breathtakingly beautiful that Jisung was sure he'd have to get Felix to help him pick up his jaw from the tiled floor as he, himself, would've been too stunned to move.

The man gives him a kind smile and tels him to enjoy his meal.

Jisung thinks he thanked him, or, well he hopes he did, he doesn't remember moving his mouth or hearing his own voice.

This would definitely become his favorite café.

~ ♡ ~

Two weeks of consistent visits to HotShot has earned him the official title of ‘favorite regular customer’ and Jisung, despite being slightly embarrassed at the thought of why he came here constantly, felt some form of pride in knowing that he not only learned everyone's names but also got insight into their personal lives.

So he might've hit it off well with Hyunjin, who worked here only part-time while studying to get his arts degree. Next was Seungmin, though initially he seemed emotionally distant, it only took Jisung five minutes and talk of music to crack his shell. Seungmin was the manager and had a very strong passion for singing, which Jisung took note to put to use eventually.

Then there came Jeongin. The youngest, babied by his coworkers and loved by customers, he was a bubbly guy, though slightly obsessed with foxes but nonetheless the friendliest person you'll find in HotShot.

And remember that stunning guy? That's Lee Minho, the owner of the café. Not only is he absolutely hot, he's also the owner of the three cats that are occasionally walking through the café and keeping people entertained.

He's a gentle person, full of kindness and the cutest smile Jisung’s ever seen.

It's become a sort of inside joke with his group of friends as to why he visits so often. Seriously, he can't ever bring them along for they'll giggle and laugh throughout the entirety of their stay, it's happened so often that the staff has stopped giving them looks of both confusion and concern.

Felix might be the only exception to this phenomenon, because he might also have a tiny little crush on Hyunjin.

So it's not unusual to see him tag along with Jisung as he, once again, enters the cozy café and just sits himself down at his table, yeah, that's a thing, and Felix follows.

Jeongin gives them a smile, not even bothering to take their orders, he already knows, and turns towards two teenage girls standing by the counter.

“Do you think I should bake some brownies, like, as a thank you for letting us sit here so much?” Felix questions and Jisung hums for a second, thinking.

“I'm sure they'd all be very happy, especially Hyunjin,” he makes suggestive gestures with his eyebrows and watches as Felix rolls his eyes in annoyance before he continues “Just, try not to set your kitchen on fire again.”

“It's happened once. Once. And it was through no fault of mine. Besides, the only thing that was burning was the cake, not the kitchen, loser.” Felix states, defensive as ever, and proceeds to promptly look away and huff in offense.

“What's got our sunshine boy upset? Jisungie, I told you to behave.” Minho says as he places down both of their orders and gives them both a smile.

That's also new, the nickname.

“But, Minho-hyung, I was just being honest.” Jisung defends, jutting out his lower lip in what he hopes is a cute and irresistible pout.

“Minho-hyung, he's always so rude to me, I don't even know why I'm friends with him.” Felix whines out.

This statement has Jisung scoffing in mock offense. Minho only giggles at the pair and ruffles both their heads before making his way back into his office in the back.

“I've been thinking,” says Felix and Jisung chuckled. “Don't. As I was saying, I've been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that Minho only ever serves us, or well, you for that matter.”

Jisung looks at him with confusion.

“So…?” he pays.

“So, what I'm trying to say is, I think he likes you. A lot.”

Just then Seungmin appears beside them, lunchbox and drink in hand, he decides to sit himself next to Jisung.

“Lixie’s right.” he states before he takes a bite of his sandwich and completely ignores their conversation for the reminder of his lunch break.

~ ♡ ~

It's Friday and Jisung’s got the tip from Hyunjin that Minho only works the morning shift today.

Which is why he's waiting at the back exit, leaning against the wall and nervously fiddling with the strings of his hoodie.

“Jisungie?” Minho's surprised, and Jisung stands up straighter.

“Hi… uhm, I was wondering if…” he trails off and looks up at the elder nervously. Minho offers him a soft smile and waits. He's never minded Jisung’s habit of tripping over his own words, nor has he minded Jisung’s anxious behavior. He's always so calm, so patient.

“Would you like to… get lunch with me?” He stammers out, gaze sternly set on Minho.

“Why didn't you say so before, I would've waited inside for you. Let's get back in and I'll whip up something for us.”

“No! I mean… Well, as much as I love your food. I wanted to, like, take you out to lunch. Somewhere that's not your café.” and it takes everything out of Jisung to not just agree to go back inside.

“Oh, like on a date?” Minho smiles hopefully and Jisung feels his body relax.

“Yeah…” He mutters out.

“I'd love that.” Minho smiles down at him and Jisung melts.

And as they walk down the sidewalk, shoulders bumping together and giggling at each other, Jisung can't help but think that he's got it now.

~ ♡ ~

“So maybe you're delusional! Seriously, it's so obvious that Hyunjin is also into Felix!”

Jisung is holding onto his cards with a death grip, across from him is Changbin, cards in hand and an annoyed look on his face.

“Jisungie, calm down.” He can hear Minho from the kitchen, he's making snacks for their small get together.

Chan is unloading the drinks he bought and Jeongin is helping him.

The rest of their friends are on their way.

It's supposed to be a good evening, filled with happiness and pride over Felix winning his dance competition and Jisung releasing yet another banger on SoundCloud.

Changbin just had to open his mouth.

“All I'm saying is that he's been flirting with me as well. I don't want Felix to get hurt.” he says angrily, placing down a card.

“Fuck you. Uno.” Jisung states as he places down a card of his own.

“Children, calm down.” Chan looks exhausted and just about ready to throw himself out of Jisung's fifth floor apartment window.

Jeongin gives them an amused look.

“I'd say fuck you too, but I wouldn't want to be a homewrecker.”

Jisung is ready to pounce but is stopped by Minho's hands on both of his shoulders.

“Thanks for being so considerate, Changbin. How about you two wrap up your game and help the rest of us prepare?” and it might've sounded like a suggestion but Jisung knew with the way Minho squeezed his shoulder just a tad bit tighter that it wasn't up for debate.

It's maybe twenty minutes later when the others arrive and the party really gets started. It's a slow start with them enjoying a celebratory dinner and moving onto drinks and games afterwards.

The empty bottles of alcohol keep piling up in an unused corner of Jisungs living room, it's way past 1am, they're all having fun.

He's sitting on his couch, which has been pushed against a wall in favor of a makeshift dance floor, drink in hand and watching the others.

Changbin and Jeongin are having fun rigging the game of twister, the victims of their cheating are obviously Felix and Hyunjin, who are contorted around each other in ways even Jisung didn't fully comprehend.

Then there is Chan and Seungmin who share the bean bag by the window, talking animatedly about one thing or another.

He's wondering where Minho disappeared off too when he feels something cold touch his left cheek.

He startles, looking up to find Minho standing, holding a new bottle of lime flavored beer.

Minho sits down next to him and opens the bottle for him. Jisung takes it and leans his head on the elders shoulder. Minho wraps an arm around him and relaxes.

Jisung feels so warm, so content in his arms, he thinks that he could stay here for the rest of his life.

“You sleepy?” Minho asks softly and Jisung just hums out in content, bottle on his knee and eyes shutting occasionally.

“Should we tell the others to go home?” Minho smiles down softly and Jisung just always melts when the other looks at him like that.

“No, I just need to douse my face in cold water and I'll be as good as new.” He mumbles out, taking a swig of the beer before handing the bottle to Minho and standing up.

He trips on his way to the bathroom but manages to regain his balance, he can hear Seungmin and Changbin giggling at his clumsiness.

“You okay, Sungie?” He hears Minho ask.

“‘M fine.” He continues to walk and manages to stumble into the bathroom and close the door behind him. He leans over the sink and turns on the tap. The cold water feels pleasant on his hot skin.

Splashing his face a few times he looks up into the mirror above the sink.

Disheveled and tipsy, that's what he's met with and he slaps both his cheeks lightly to sober up quicker. At least the sleepiness is gone from his eyes.

He's ready to come out, and once he does the party goes on.

It's 3:45 in the morning when everyone leaves.

Minho stays to help clean up, Jisung is thankful, so thankful that he gives him a kiss and a promise for a fancy dinner. The elder chuckles and ushers him to finish putting the empty bottles into the trash.

Jisung does as he's told and they finish cleaning quickly.

“I should head out now.” Minho whispers out, and Jisung is so unwilling to let the other go into the cold morning air. He says as much.

“Stay, it's warm here, my bed is big enough for two, and I could do with some cuddles.” He wraps his hands around Minho's shoulders and looks up with what he hopes is the cutest puppy eyes Minho's ever seen.

“I mean, when you put it like that… Aww, how could I resist my cute little quokka. Come on, let's get ready for bed.”

Later as Jisung lies in bed waiting for Minho to finish up he can't help but grab the leather bound notebook from his nightstand, he opens it to a half filled page, his favorite red pen stuck in between the pages, waiting for his return.

He jots down a few lines and words muling over the arrangement when he feels the bed dipp to his left side.

“I was promised cuddles, and yet I found an extremely cozy lyricist.” Minho chuckles, arms open and inviting.

Jisung hums out and places the pen back between the pages and closes the notebook, putting it back on the nightstand before turning off the lamp and turning towards Minho's awaiting arms.

He lays there, snuggled up in Minho's embrace and wonders if this could be his reality for ever.

~ ♡ ~

Jisung’s never been more inspired to write than he is now. Who knew that getting a boyfriend could be so inspiring, certainly not Jisung, if he did, he thinks he'd get one sooner.

Chan told him once that every artist, no matter which arts they excel in, needs a muse.

Minho might just be that for Jisung.

It's Saturday, it marks two months since he's stepped foot into HotShot for the first time and met the others. It's also roughly a month since he and Minho started dating.

Jisung wishes for nothing more than an americano and one of Minho's toasted sandwiches. Instead he's stuck in the studio working on a new song he just finished arranging.

He's clicking away at DAW's when there's a knock at the door. He knows it's neither Changbin, who just walks right in, nor Chan who texts first before coming over.

“Studio's taken!” He screams out hoping that whoever's at the door would go away.

Instead he hears the door crack open.

“I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I sound like a cat dying when I try to sing. Besides, I only came here to make sure you don't starve yourself.”

He turns to where Minho's standing and gestures for him to enter.

Once the door is closed he stands up and makes his way into Minho's open arms, burying his head under the elders chin and squeezing him tightly.

Minho releases a choking breath before hugging back.

“You're a godsend, I almost couldn't hear what I was doing from how loud my stomach was.” Jisung admits, only separating enough to look up at Minho without letting go.

“I also know, for a fact, that you don't sound like a cat dying when you sing. It's actually very angelic.” He's got maybe a second to admire the elders flushed cheeks before a lunch box and an iced americano are shoved into his chest.

“Die.”

“Aww, I love you too, baby. Thanks for the food, how much do I owe you?” Jisung says, moving to sit down on the studio's couch. Minho sits next to him and pulls out his phone to check up on the others.

“Nothing, it's homemade. Unless… No.” He says, he looks innocent but Jisung knows that he's brewing up a plan of some sort.

“Unless what?” Jisung prys as he opens the lunchbox and finds not one but two toasted sandwiches.

“It's silly, just enjoy your food.”

“Please, I'll do anything.” And Jisung’s just dug his own grave if the look Minho gives him is anything to go by.

“So, I might need help executing a plan of mine,” he stops to read through a message, brows furrowed in concentration as he replies before continuing “Hyunjin is really into Felix, but is too much of a coward to confess so we're all left listening to his lovesick talk of how amazing and adorable Felix is.”

Jisung hums while eating.

Minho gives him a deadpan look.

“Anyway, Felix has been dropping the most obvious hints, like, bringing his special brownies for Hyunjin to try or coming at the end of his shift to walk him home.” Minho sighs out and leans back against the couch.

“I like to pride myself with how patient and kind I am, but if I hear Hyunjin yap one more time I'm going to shove tissues so far down his throat, he'll be coughing them up for months.” He confesses and the look Jisung must give him is surely that of pure terror since he adds “To aggressive?”

Jisung nods.

Minho has the decency to look sheepish.

“Al hep fou.” Jisung replies through a mouth full of food.

“Jisung, that's fucking disgusting.” Is Minhos's only reply.

The rest of his impromptu lunch break is spent with them bickering back and forth.

It's a good day for Jisung.

~ ♡ ~

They're three months into dating when they decide to move in together. Jisung’s lease was ending and Minho wanted a bigger kitchen.

It's natural with the way the both just fit into each other's lives so perfectly.

So they bought, not rented, a two bedroom apartment, with an at home office and a big modern kitchen.

Minho's cats had their own little corner in their bedroom and the office was quickly turned into a studio for Jisung.

Life was good, for the first time since he's moved out of his parents place, Jisung felt like he could truly say that he was happy.

Of course it wouldn't last.

The stress of moving combined with his family stressing about not having met Jisung's boyfriend piled on top of the long list of Jisung’s issues, which is why he had expected the breakdown. He really did. He just wasn't ready for it to be this big, this painful.

And it's been triggered for the stupidest reason as well, which adds onto all the shit already happening.

He's sitting on their bedroom floor, back leaning against the bed and hugging his knees to his chest tightly. He's hyperventilating and sobbing, his chest painfully tight with each shuddering breath, body shaking and thoughts running wild.

It's how Minho finds him once he's back from work.

A complete and utter mess on the floor, unmoving and frantically breathing.

“Hey, it's okay, baby.” He says kneeling down next to Jisung, hand pressing against his back, stroking up and down in a comforting manner.

“Do you want to take a warm bath? Maybe some tea and dinner with Howl's Moving Castle playing on the TV?” He's trying really hard to make this easy for Jisung, but he can't find it in himself to stand up, not when his bones feel stiff from sitting in this position for a long time. Not when he's unsure whether or not he wants to scream out his lungs, if he should just place his head against his knees and let the thoughts drown him.

“Sungie, hey. Don't go there, baby, okay? Look, I'll help you into the bathroom, where you'll wash up a bit. How does that sound?” And God, Minho is so gentle and soft with him.

Jiaung just breaks down all over again.

They stay sitting like that. Minho hugging Jisung’s shuddering body as the other sobbs loudly and painfully.

It's the lowest Minho's ever seen him, but Jisung knows it can get worse.

~ ♡ ~

They're one month into living together when they finally settle into a rhythm.

They work around each other when needed, but mostly they work well together. Minho's an early bird, preferring to sip his coffee and watch the sunrise before having a quick workout and shower, heading out to work after waking Jisung with a forehead kiss.

It's domestic.

Jisung love's it.

Today, however, Jisung wakes up in a cold sweat, Minho's lying next to him facing the wall and Jisung feels all kinds of wrong.

He sits up, vision blurry and hands shaky.

The small walk to the bathroom stretches out impossibly long and by the time he's inside his breathing is labored and he knows what a panic attack is like, he's had them for years. He's always quick to forget that waking up like this wasn't uncommon.

“Sungie?” Minho is standing in the entrance of the bathroom, rubbing at his eyes in hopes of ridding himself from sleep.

“Hyung…” His voice cracks, throat hoarse and dry.

“Is alright, baby.” Minho says as he hugs him from behind.

They wait it out together.

Jisung's got a tiny voice, far in the back of his head, saying that Minho's tired.

~ ♡ ~

They have their first big fight on a Sunday evening, they're doing the dishes and, Jisung can't remember how it started, but it was about Jisung spending most nights working at the studio when he has one at home.

Both too stubborn to apologize and find a common ground, they agreed that it would be best to sleep separately tonight.

Which is how he ends up knocking at Felix apartment door at half past midnight.

Hid best friend is quick to pull him inside and into a tight embrace. Murmuring words if comfort as he leads them both to his bedroom.

The next day, when he comes back from spending the night talking with Felix, he finds Minho sitting in the kitchen, head in hands.

He drops his backpack and walks over to where the elder is sitting.

Minho doesn't look up when Jisung hugs him from behind, arms around the elders shoulders and falling over his chest. He nuzzles into Minho's raven hair and sighs out.

It’s so easy for the tiny voice at the back of his head to push forward, to grow bigger and louder. It roots itself in Jisungs mind, spreading seeds of doubt.

He hates you…

You're a burden… He's going to leave you…

He deserves better…

You're not enough…

He's pulled out of his depressive spiral when Minho turns around and hugs him, burying his own head in Jisung’s torso.

They talk it out and find a common ground.

~ ♡ ~

Jisung decides to proposition Minho with a feature on his latest song. It's meant to be a sort of present for their six month anniversary.

Minho, unable to resist Jisung’s boba eyes and pouty lips, agrees.

The song, in all it's entirety, is a depiction of their relationship, all the ups and downs, both the pretty and the ugly. It manages to portray Jisung’s unwavering love for Minho, all the while not romanticizing the hardships of a functioning relationship.

Not only does the song manage to capture their friends hearts, but it also tops the South Korean charts for three consecutive weeks.

Want So Bad is the first song that opens the doors to international success for Jisung, and he's got Minho right there with him, ready to take on the world together.

Yes, it gets hard, Jisung won't lie. Some days he can't get out of bed, on those days he thinks that Minho will leave him, that he'll finally snap, decide he's had enough of Jisung’s tantrums and be gone by the time Jisung gains the strength to get out of bed.

This never happens.

Minho is, for better and for worse, like a leech, clinging onto Jisung in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming. He's always there to calm his fears, always knows what to say and what to do.

Jisung isn't sure what the future might hold for them, quite frankly he doesn't care, as long as Minho's by his side he thinks life can't be better.