Chapter Text
Doctor Mother had seen much and done most of it, so the shock of seeing an unknown, well-built and fairly tall gentleman in an exquisitely tailored suit, looking intensely at one of the case 53's Cauldron kept in one of its too-many cells wore off rather quickly, and she promptly reached into her pocket to hold down the emergency button on her smartphone.
Of course, rather than contacting any world's emergency services, this resulted in Cauldron's HQ going into lock down, with thick metallic curtains falling down before every door (in the already windowless structure) and an automated alarm beginning to blast her location over the building's PA system.
The gentleman frowned, looked up at the alarm lights, and proceeded to ignore them as he continued his inspection of the case 53 on the next cell.
Contessa was the first to arrive. She took a look at the intruder and began running in his direction, before her pupils dilated and her expression froze in panic as she stumbled on her own feet and she flacepanted on the ground.
That caused Doctor Mother to pause and gape for twice as long as spotting the intruder had.
Speaking of whom, he kept at Contessa with a raised eyebrow for about a dozen seconds, then finally spoke:
"You should try and ask 'how do I stop depending on my power for basic things?' young lady." The man's voice carried, even when it should have been suffocated by the blaring alarms. "Or perhaps has it been so long you have forgotten how to walk on your own? Fascinating."
"That's more than enough!" This time it was Eidolon who charged at the man, flying fists first, only to fade away as soon as he was about to make contact with his target.
A portal opened, and Eidolon was back for the briefest moment before disappearing again and again, until Doormaker failed to find him again.
"What- who-?" Doctor Mother tried to star talking.
"Ah, it took you a while longer this time. That's discouraging. I was hoping this version of you would be quicker on the uptake," the man commented off-handedly. "Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg. Let us hope it will be a pleasure to meet this version of you."
Doctor Mother dissected the man's words, looked down at the confused and stuttering Contessa, stiffened her upper lip, inhaled deeply for five seconds, and let it go over seven, then tried starting again.
"What have you done with Eidolon?" She inquired as calmly as she could.
"Mister Jennings is unharmed. I simply sent him to a version of Earth a bit further away than what your mister Volkov can readily perceive. I must say, this version can see considerably further away than most."
If Doctor Mother had any shame left, perhaps she would have felt something when she realized it took her almost five seconds to realize the intruder was talking about Clairvoyant. Honestly, Cauldron's 'seer' had been so young when she gave him powers, she had never really thought of him by name.
Or thought of him as a person at all, really.
"What are your intentions here?" She asked with a confidence she didn't have.
"Rejoice, girl. Your wish will finally be granted," he said, and the corners of his lips twitched upwards for an instant.
Rebecca Costa Brown looked away from the screen replaying Cauldron's intruder, and directly at the shaky figure of her nominal leader.
Indeed, Doctor Mother was the very picture of distress, slumping forward so her elbows rested on the table and her head rested on the palms of both her hands while Contessa was waddling about in the background, doing her best to relearn to walk without depending on her power, even if she had to support herself with a hand on the wall to do so.
"That was japanese," she pointed out intelligently. "But everything else was in german."
"And that is relevant, how?" Asked a disgruntled Eidolon, whom the intruder had finally returned to HQ.
"It is important because our language affects the way we think. By choosing a spefific language for those specific words, our guest was sending a very specific message, but I don't get it," Alexandria explained.
"Maybe he was making a joke," David mumbled, and Alexandria couldn't help but frown.
Honestly, their new situation is everything they said they wanted. No matter what, humanity would survive, if at a cost.
Where Cauldron was willing to sacrifice thousands of people in the name of Humanity's Survival, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg was ready to sacrifice thousands of Earths. Had done so without trembling or a second thought.
Because where Cauldron could see thousands of Earths, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg could see them all. An infinity of Earths could not, by any metric, be endangered to preserve a paltry dozen thousands.
To do so would have been immoral, and it wasn't as if Cauldron had a working plan.
According to Zelretch, he had observed events across multiple timelines, and while some versions of Cauldron managed to find success with different plans, their version of a plan amounted to 'hope Scion stabs at its own heart.'
After all, and in hindsight this was so obvious none of them could avoid a migraine when thinking about it now - All parahumans in Scion's network are empowered by passengers in Scion's network, and ultimately under Scion's control.
The army they were hoping to assemble would belong to Scion, as the plan their version of Cauldron came up with was no different from hoping an enemy soldier would randomly decide to shoot itself on the head.
"You should have worked to minimize the parahuman population under Scion's control. Instead, you have given it an army. I cannot fathom the thought process that birthed such a plan," Zelretch had said to Doctor Mother. "However and despite your own work, Mankind will survive. I am henceforth isolating this timeline from the rest, so its end won't affect the greater whole."
Like a surgeon removing a tumor from a patient's body, Zelretch had removed them from the multiverse. However, he had enough kindness to throw them some hope.
"I won't endanger a living soul for your sake, but the dead are another matter," Zelretch stated, calmly before helping Contessa up and leading her into Doctor Mother's arms. "Having said that, it is clear your version of Cauldron cannot be trusted to choose a wielder that won't just turn around and join Scion or something equally asinine. Goodbye."
~I~
"I need a herooo~♪" Pearl sung while floating over the streets of Brockton Bay.
Magical Pearl isn't great at stealth. Then again, that wasn't her job.
"I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light~♪"
The newest Kaleidostick is on the prowl for a hero(ine)! Its preference is cute! Its requirements are brave and pure!
It sung and hummed while floating over the streets, but not so high it couldn't study the crowd beneath. Nor, evidently, high enough they couldn't spot it.
In most other cities, the sight of a singing, wriggling and colorful tinkertech device floating over their heads would have quickly emptied the streets, but the people of Brockton Bay are made of sterner stuff.
Quite simply, their everyday lives were such that the needle of their danger-o-meter wouldn't even flinch for anything under 'super powered nazi' anymore, and in a Brockton Bay with Uber and Leet, a cheerful and colorful singing stick barely earned a half dozen replies in PHO.
Pthoom!
Armsmaster on the other hand, famously had zero chill. And that's why as soon as Magical Pearl was over an empty street, the leader of the local Protectorate fired a grappling hook and propelled himself towards it.
"Oops!" Pearl dodged at the last moment, twisted in such a way as to make it clear she was looking at the rapelling hero, and floated towards it at fluttering speeds.
Armsmaster saw it coming, and readied his halberd for a swing.
"Excuse me~!" Pearl called out in a cheerful tone. "Would you happen to be the famous Armsmaster, leader of the Protectorate ENE, known far and wide for his perfect beard?"
Colin blinked, but didn't flinch, and remained ready to swing.
"Identify yourself. Are you one of Uber and Leet's?"
"Oho~ you want to know who I a~am?" Pearl somehow gave Armsmaster an owlish look.
"Correct."
"I. AM. SPARTA! ...actually no, I am the one, the only... Magical Pearl!" The kaleidostick declared aloud, spinning in place while confetti fell from the sky and beams of colorful light floated up into the sky from... somewhere behind it. "My friends call me Pearl, or will when I have some. I'm brand new, you see, so I haven't made any yet, but as I am designed for maximum cuteness and zany humor, I amsurethisawfulstateofaffairswillquicklyrectifyitself, and-!"
The head of Armsmaster's halberd flicked open, and a net came out. He swung for Pearl, who promptly dodged, its wings fluttering at top speed while its little figure floated away.
"You are coming to PHQ with me," stated the hero.
"Alright!" Pearl easily conceded.
"...what?"
"You wish for me to go to the protectorate headquarters, correct?"
"Yes."
"I want to go to the PHQ, so that's good!"
Armsmaster swung again, and Pearl fluttered out of the way again.
"I... don't get it. we both want the same thing, so why are you swinging that thing at me?"
"You are unsanctioned, dangerous tinkertech and must be safely restrained before being allowed in PHQ."
"Lies and slander!" chirped Pearl. "I am not this tinkertech thing, I am magitech, thank you very much! Also, when was the last time you washed that thing? Have you ever caught a nazi with it? I am allergic to nazi, you know? I could get a rash and then where would we be!?"
Armsmaster swung, again.
Pearl dodged, again.
Hanna's left hand rose to her bandana as she tried to hold a chuckle from escape as soon as she realized Armsmaster looked like a child struggling to catch a somewhat larger than usual butterfly.
And the butterfly was winning that struggle.
~I~
"This is unfaaa~air!" Pearly cried out from inside this 'Unscapable Magitech Container Device' Miss Militia was carrying in both hands.
It was no shoebox, no sireee! Not even if you squint at it, nope!
"You said you wanted to come to HQ with us, and Armsmaster was not going to let you come without some kind of restraint," explained Hanna as she lowered the shoebox unto Armsmaster's work table and placed a solid-looking tool over its lid.
"But he's a brute! A bearded ape! He's gonna try and poke at me, he'll try to probe me! I'm allergic to probes! To probes and nazis!"
"Well, we have to make sure you are not dangerous, so I'm afraid you'll have to endure a little... errr... " Hanna turned towards her colleage and friend. "Armsmaster, you won't probe Pearl, will you?"
"I didn't see any openings on it, so that seems unlikely," the man replied, still a bit sulky about the self-proclaimed magitech device agreeing to Hanna's terms and meekly floating into a shoebox, of all things.
"See? No probing," reaffirmed Hanna.
"I'll need to disassemble it, though."
"Nooo~ooo~♪! Help! Help! I'm about to be killed!"
Pearl's cries echoed into the dark of the rig. Which shouldn't have been possible since Armsmaster's workshop was thoroughly soundproof.
"You are not alive to begin with. Would being disassembled and reassembled do anything to you... why am I talking to a thing?"
"I am self aware and able to feel fear, is that not proof of life!? You fiend! Brute! And there's thirty two hairs on your beard that are longer than the rest!"
Armsmaster froze, blinked, and walked out of the workshop to his room.
"Uh," emoted Hanna, intelligently.
"Think he went to get a shave?" Asked Pearl.
"I want to believe otherwise."
"Can you let me out now?"
"No."
"Help! Help! I'm trapped inside an unscapable prison and they're trying to kill me!"
Unknown to Hanna, Pearl's cries continued to echo across the entirety of the rig, and it wasn't long before people began peeking in through the still open door into Armsmaster's workshop, just to find an apologetic looking Hanna and a mildly shaking shoebox.
"W-why is that shoebox screaming like a girl?" asked a very confused Aegis after a couple moments of very, very confused observation.
"It is not a shoebox!" Denied the shoebox, "but an inescapable Magitech Containment Device!"
"I'm pretty sure that's a shoebox, tho," was Vista's mildly amused comment as she peeked into the room from a somewhat lower position than Aegis.
"Aha! Heroine candidate detected!" Cried out Pearl, before proceeding to burn a hole in the box's side and flying out through it.
"Hey! We had an agreement!" Complained Hanna as she formed a bug net in both hands.
"Foolish candidate number two! I am Magical Pearl, the latest and greatest of the kaleidosticks! There are no strings on me!"
"Was that an Ultron reference? Oooh, that's bad..." Winced Vista as she shrunk a little bit.
"Ultra-who? It was a Pinocchio reference, it was meant to make me look endearing and safe!"
"I got it," said Hanna, as she got ready to swing.
"Thank you, number two. Now, what's an Ultra-on?"
"Evil artificial intelligence that tried to destroy the world," said Vista, feeling a little bit safer as Miss Militia's net falls down over the floating Magical Pearl.
Having said that, Pearl simply remained in place, unmoving despite Hanna's best efforts to move it back or hold it down as it continued to slowly flutter towards the workshop's door.
"And you, young lady? Who would you happen to be?" Asked pearl as she dragged Miss Militia along towards Vista, lowering itself so she's looking up at the young ward in an effort to look as inoffensive as possible.
"...you don't count as people."
"What?"
Suddenly, the space between Pearl and Vista grew by several magnitudes, leaving the kaleidostick's little star spinning in place inside its surrounding ring in the magitech equivalent of a confused double take.
"Uh, neat. It looks like candidate number one comes pre-equipped with powers of her own. Convenient!" The kaleidostick flutters back to Vista, moving in a straight line despite the tween ward doing everything in her power to twist or stretch the space between them.
"Uh... Vista?" Aegis sounded mildly worried
"W-why isn't it working?"
"Vista, what do you mean it isn't working?" Now he sounded considerably more worried.
"There's nothing wrong with brave Vista's power," explains Pearl as she flutters in front of the wards. "I'm a kaleidostick, capable of interdimensional, multiverse-wide operation and inter-trimeline travel, there's no way simple spatial manipulation is going to stop me if I decide to move from point A to point B."
""""You what?""" Missy, Hanna and Carlos ask at the same time.
"I'm the ultimate travel aid!" A very smug Pearl declares, puffing up, or in her case, sort of bending backwards and pushing a bit of its stick forth while one of its little wings bends over to cover her 'mouth'.
It was about this time Armsmaster came back.
"Step away from the Wards," he growled, hefting his halberd at the Kalleidostrick.
"Dear sir, I couldn't step in any direction even if I wanted to, for I have no legs!"
"...flutter away from Aegis and Vista."
"But she needs me!" Objected Pearl.
""What?"" This time it was both Carlos and Missy talking together.
Pearl rose into the air, tall enough to look Armsmaster in the eye before declaring her intent.
"I am Magical Pearl, the latest version of the kaleidostick, a multiverse-powered hero-making device chosen to grant near-infinite cosmic power to a worthy heroine!" Pearl declared aloud, then floated down so she was looking slightly up at Vista. "And you, young missy, are perfect! You're so young, but you have the bone structure... and magic circuits of a magecraft genius. If your prana can be channelled, then you vill be invincible!"
"...Kung Fu Hustle?" Carlos arced an eyebrow.
"Best.Movie.Ever." declared Pearl, and Carlos couldn't help but to agree, before Pearl contiued talking to Missy. "Come on... Vista, was it?"
"Y-yes?"
"Don't you want to be respected? The amazing Kalleido Pearl, saviour of Earth-Bet! Everyone will love you, and despair!"
"That's Lord of the Rings." Aegis deadpanned.
"It's so nice when someone recognizes your movie quotes. Too bad you're a boy." Said Pearl as she twisted her body to 'look' approvingly at Carlos, who by now had relaxed a little bit. "What do you say, Vista?" Pearl turned back towards Missy. "Would you like to be the greatest hero Earth-Bet has ever seen?"
"Well... yes, so?"
"Vista, don't encourage it!" Warned Armsmaster.
"Come on, Vista. Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?"
"Alright, I got that one, so..." commented Hanna as Pearl wiggled the end of her handle at Vista.
Armsmaster moved to intercept, when Vista timidly stretched her hand towards Pearl's handle, and the kaleidostick soomed into the young girl's grip...
~I~
"Uuuh..." Missy moped in her seat as Armsmaster's scanner roamed over her.
"Please try to remain still," the leader of the local protectorate reminded the young ward.
"Uuuh..." she groaned again, covering her face with both hands as she struggled to hide her blush.
Miss Militia and Battery spared her a commiserating smile, while Armsmaster simply continued to read the results of the scan.
"Your new uniform seems to be projectile resistant up to and including a modern battle tank's main gun," he stated after a few more moments. "Fascinating."
"Of course it is!" Cried out Pearl from inside her freshly-patched Magitech Container Device. "My precious mistress is as far above the worries of lesser heroes!"
Pearl was peeking at the procedures through a small hole she had poked on the box's side.
"It also appears impervious to radiation, though I don't see the point as it doesn't covers her completely to begin with."
"Why do police officers bother with Kevlar vests if they don't cover their arms and legs? Same answer, applied to energy beams." Pearl supplies as helpfully as she can.
Armsmaster seems to think about that for a moment, before nodding in approval.
"...why?" mumbled Vista into her hands.
"Why what?" Asked Armsmaster.
"Why did I had to get naked first, if you were just going to replace my old uniform with one looking just like it anyway!?" Cried out Missy, her blush going crimson red and stretching from tip to toe.
"Tradition. tempered by local law," explained Pearl. "The PRT owns all rights to your image, do they not? You are not legally allowed to alter your outfit's appearance in any way."
"And what part of that was tradition?" Asked a mildly bemused Battery.
"Magical girls transform! Everybody knows that!"
Hanna nodded softly. Everybody knows that, after all.
"So, you were sent to give Vista an outfit upgrade?" Asked Cockblocker, who was eating chips while observing from the far side.
"Oh! That's right!" Pearl declared as she burst out of the shoebox, and a golden portal opened in midair, causing everybody in the room to go into full alert as over a dozen fast-moving projectiles were fired at Vista, before stopping right in front of the girl and beginning to circle around her head, their near-blinding glow dimming down slowly until everyone could see the fifteen cards as they continued to float around Vista's head.
"Vista, don't touch those!" Armsmaster quickly switches to scanning the floating cards.
"Behold, the Class Cards!" Declares Pearl. "As Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg's second geatest work, these Mystic Codes carry the essence, skills and powers of the multiverse greatest heroes in a form that is conveniently pocket-sized! Parallel timelines, alternate Earths, singularities, Lostbelts and alters! The Wizard Marshall has chosen you, Missy Byron, as the saviour of Earth-Bet and entrusted you with the power of humanity's greatest heroes!"
Much to Pearl's annoyance, Miss Militia hurriedly called out to Missy, warning her about touching anything before Armsmaster can study it.
"Hm. If she doesn't bond with the cards right now, I can almost certainly guarantee it'll be trouble later, tho," chirped the Kalleidosctick.
"Well, based on the fact she won't be 'bonding' with any more unauthorized tinkertech, that won't be an issue," says Armsmaster as he places a container in the cards' flight path, and lets them float into it before closing the lid.
"You're making a mistake~♪"
"I doubt it. Vista is already going to go through M/S protocols as is because of you."
"Hmm~ well, good luck with that," Pearl commented softly, yet everyone could hear just fine.
~I~
"This sucks and it is your fault," complained Missy as she sat in the bench of her M/S observation cell.
"Its not that bad. Would you like to watch some television?" Pearl bent so the bottom of its handle pointed at the wall and began projecting some old japanese cartoons.
"I don't watch cartoons," grumbled Missy, even as she watched the colorful screen out of the corner of her eye.
Meanwhile, director Piggot was rubbing at the bridge of her nose as she contemplating what wonderful things she'll do to this ' Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg' once she got her hands on him. If such a person even existed, given that the name had all the hallmarks of a nonsensical alias.
"Do I want to know why that damn stick is in the cell with her?" She asked to the room in general.
"Apparently, now that Magical Pearl has found a master, she no longer needs to pretend we can affect it in any way. And trust me, we tried," reported a very disgrunted Armsmaster. "There's nothing anyone on the rig can do to stop it from going anywhere or doing anything. It can basically melt any container, exert more force than any of us is capable of fighting against, and seems completely unable to care about anything beyond remaining within a dozen feet of Vista at all times.
"Magical Pearl, really?" The director gave Armsmaster a look so heavy gravity may or may not have temporarily gone up inside the room.
"That is its designation, so that's what I'm calling it. To do otherwise may lead to misunderstandings, on top of being inaccurate."
"Why not just call it the stick?"
"Because it would be incorrect?" Armsmaster sounded actually confused he even needed to say as much.
Director Piggot sighed, and looked towards Miss Militia, searching for some hope.
"Considering how fast and thin a target it is, I don't feel comfortable trying to shoot at the stick inside the rig."
The director considered that, and was once again thankful for Hanna's healthy common sense.
"How are we going to keep the damn thing from compromising Vista's civilian identity if it floats behind her at all times?"
"Erh... Pearl herself said she could turn into multiple, and I quote 'appropiately adorable fashion accessories for a girl as cute as her new master', but hasn't agreed to do so as of yet, so we're simply hoping that it can really do as promised..."
"Are we really at the stick's mercy, then?"
When noone else came to her rescue, Emily looked at Armsmaster, hoping the workaholic would have a useful suggestions.
"We could simply keep Vista in the rig," he said, completely dashing Piggot's hopes.
"I doubt the youthguard would allow that. We can't basically suspend Vista's normal life for our own convenience, Colin."
"I bet I could come up with a better lesson plan that whatever the school system would put her through..." the tall man commented, more to himself than Hanna or the director.
Piggot straightened on her seat, inhaled for five seconds, and then exhaled for seven seconds in an effort to calm down.
"What can you tell me about the cards?" She looked at Colin.
"They appear to be made of metal, and are completely indestructible. If nothing else, I wish to talk with this Zelretch about his metallurgy. Honestly, they're as thick as a fingernail, but I haven't been able to dent, bend or marr them no matter what. Incredibly light, too. I could thin my armor by as much as 97% if I could so much as take a sample to study."
Piggot was mildly amused by the obvious distress on their resident chief tinker's voice.
"Alright, so beyond the material science and our inability to destroy them, what else can you tell me about them?"
"The back of the cards appears completely normal and indistinguishable from one another, but the play side shows different designs along the a medieval fantasy theme, with figures of warriors or magicians in various poses. As there's only fifteen cards, it seems fairly obvious that they're not tarot cards."
"Since I have no idea how many cards there are in a tarot deck, its not as obvious as you seem to think," commented Piggot, opening some image files that Armsmaster had sent to her email.
Indeed, the images looked like rather simple, if somewhat stylized, fantasy-style pictures of wizards, warriors and monsters.
"No visible numbers or point values, so they're not actually playing cards," Colin continued with the results of his exams. "A tarot deck is seventy eight cards, so that's not it either, though Magical Pearl insists that they are Mystic Devices, or what we'd consider as the medium for Trump powers."
"Pearl said they were basically data storage for powers, which she can download unto Vista on command," provided Hanna, and Piggot quickly decided that was not going to happen. Ever.
~I~
"Oh, you'll love installing the cards!~♪" Pearl sing-song tone was all smiles as she continued telling Vista about how awesome their adventures were going to be. "Just imagine yourself atop a mighty steed, spear in hand as you charge a mighty dragon! Oooh, or as a beautidul, dangerous assassin, your touch the last thing a nazi will ever feel before darkness claims them!"
"There is absolutely no scenario in which director Piggot will let me use the cards. I am one hundred percent sure that if she could, she lock you into a metal safe, have someone ferry you into the open sea and drop you down the side of a boat."
That made Piggot smile as she continued to watch from her office. Oh, if only she could do such a thing to 90%... no, 95% of every parahuman in the bay.
"Pffft, now that you are my master, you can simply call me to your side, and I'll be there. Same for the cards, by the way." Pearl seemed all too happy to dash Vista's expectations.
"Ugh... you are going to kill my secret identity, aren't you?"
"Oh, don't worry. I can be super discreet when I need to!"
"Really now? You?" Vista looked rather incredulous at the claim.
"Oh ye of little faith, behold!"
And with that, Pearl's handle and wings somehow shrunk into the ring surrounding its head, and she dropped to the floor as a completely inanimate object.
"...Pearl?" Missy looked at it for a couple of minutes, then up at the cameras she could feel in the ceiling, but since noone came into the cell and no instructions were forthcoming, she finally bent down and picked up the completely unresponsive... hair clip?
Yup, it was a hair clip. An incredibly cutesy, girly hairclip that Missy would never, ever admit to finding cute.
"Uh... this... may actually work," she said.
Pearl waited for another minute, then wiggled softly, stretching its handle and finally poking its wings back out from its ring.
"See? It'll be fi~ine."
"Uh."
"So, how about we go somewhere fun and you try installing a card, now? Let's go blow up some bad guys!"
"Absolutely fucking not. I'm in enough trouble as it is already."
"Missy Byron, language! A magical girl has to be an example to all girls!"
"I don't want to be a magical girl."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You don't want to try flying, befriending people with energy blasts, or transforming into grown-up versions of yourself?"
"What was that last one?!"
"...ah."
It appears, Pearl had found the chink in Vista's armor.
Author's Note: Yes, this is my first non-lemon work on this site, because sometimes I like wholesome things. If you're here because of this specific work, I really do not recommend you to look into my other fics in the site. You've been warned.
Heck, the only reason I'm uploading it here is because other sites seem to fuck up the formatting pretty badly, for some reason.