Archive of Our Own ^beta

‘eyes so soft’

‘moon so low’

‘in thunder, lightning, stars and snow’

‘in the whole world’s shadow, do you glow’

‘from beneath my window sill, love,’

‘from beneath your windowsill, love,’

‘listen for me, and find me’

‘sing half a song for two’

‘leave half a verse for you’

‘you fill the air with tunes so blue’

‘and your voice turns it red’

‘from where only our eyes can ever reach’

‘from, dearest, me to you’

‘from beneath your windowsill, love,’

‘from beneath my window sill, love.’

_________________________________

Toya finally looked away from the clock, sighing.

He shut the cover of the piano with a thud, resting his head against the cool wood. It chilled his cheek, spreading a pink blush over his pale skin from the point of contact. His hands fidgeted about, not sure whether to rest on the thin area on the cover or by his side or on his lap. He sighed again, locking them together over his hair. Thin, silken strands curtained his head, snow and evening indigo draping over each other in long waves, like the two seas that met but never crossed had finally figured out how to break the boundary between them. He sighed even deeper, turning onto the other cheek, his clear irises acting as a canvas for the world in front him, which consisted of the wooden side of the piano, then the white tiled floor beyond, and then a white bed against a blue wall. A few strands fell in front of his face, tickling his nose. They had grown longer since Akito had last visited.

Akito. He sighed for the fourth time in a row, except this time it turned shaky as his mouth melted into a smile, making his cheeks colder and his eyes more lazy and hazed. He didn’t care. There wasn’t much else in the world to care about other than Akito.

Eyes with passion that could pierce ice and hands with warmth that could hatch chicks and hair that smelt of summer fruits and a voice that could carry ships across the sea with full sails. He was everything life had to offer, wrapped in the brightest colour of sunset.

‘Don’t look directly at the sun,’ they said. Toya already had. And he wanted to look again. To open every window to let him in until he went blind from looking. To have him be his last memory of what life looked like.

His bare feet suddenly seemed to remember that the floor was, in fact, tiled, and his heels began to freeze. He bent his knees so that the top of his black pants brustled againt the underside of the piano, his heels crossed over each other as his arms relaxed so his palms slid down from behind his head to his lying across the piano top, fingers laced together.

The memory of visiting Akito for the first time was as vivid in his mind as the light of a torch through fog. So, so many days of monotony, from his street to his house to his room to his songs. And then there was him, a burning fire, thawing away at his life. A voice that he trusted to follow blind through the darkness and echo of his heart. He hadn’t known a person could be so bright before he met him.

He wondered how truthful his memory was. If memories become a little less accurate everytime they’re visited, then this one may as well be entirely fabricated by now.

And yet, no matter how much higher his expectations got for him, he surpassed them every time. He always talked about wanting to surpass a legend, to practise and practise until there was nothing he hadn’t mastered. Toya thought he was already perfect as he was.

‘Can you sing it again?’

‘Tch- fine. But only ’cause it’s you…”

He wanted him to sing until it was stuck in his head.

‘And then she just–!”

“Yes? She just what?”

“...”

“Akito?”

“Sorry, I’m talking to much again.”

“No, please. Keep going. I want to hear more.”

“Well, if ya insist. She told me that–”

He wanted him to talk– to recite the dictionary, even if he wasn’t interested in things like that. To hear every word in his voice so he could repeat it over and over in his head, so he could use his sleepless nights to construct better combinations of every possible thing they could talk about.

‘Hey, Toya?’

‘Hm?’

‘You’re not looking too great there, bud.’

‘I could say the same for you.’

‘Break?’

‘Break.’

He wanted him to hold him. He wanted to rest their foreheads together, to take all the pain and anguish his partner had ever received and let it diffuse into his mind and hold it there until he felt better. To let the pain shock him awake because he refused to believe someone so full of light could have simply walked into the emptiness of his world. Because he couldn’t be sure he was real if he wasn’t holding him. His life had been so cold and he hadn’t even realised. It was so cold.

His gaze wandered back up to check the time. The clock itself was almost transparent, with roman numerals to mark the hours and thin rectangles of an hour and minute hand. A single, silver cylinder rocked to and fro like a pendulum. He followed it with his eyes as it mocked him, reminding him that tomorrow was still several thousand ticks away. He pushed himself up, arms loose, shoulders sunken and posture punishable. His lip quivered and his brow furrowed at the horrible realisation that tomorrow was still hours away, and Akito even further than that. Was this what Akito talked about when he said he ‘wished tomorrow would come faster’? The feeling was terrible, but it was also a first. Akito had been a lot of Toya’s firsts. At the thought of Akito, he smiled again, letting his worry rest.

He sat up straighter, turning back towards the balcony window. Small particles of dust danced across the room. The wind brushed under the black curtains over the glass doors to his balcony, beckoning him outside. There was a slight slit between them, where a faint, concentrated streak of moonlight drew a white line across the floor, warming a fraction of his foot, making the passing dust look like glitter.

From somewhere beyond the glass, he could hear the melody of a piano. Faint, yes, and stiff, definitely, but a piano nonetheless.

It was far too sweet to be a random passerby, and yet too simple to be a piece any other prodigy was practising. With all the curiosity of a stressed and sleepless musician, he strode over to the curtains and pushed them apart, illuminating his floor and seat and a portion of his piano and headrest with glittered moonlight in two, large rectangles, kept apart by the shadow of a beam as he was washed over in silver.

The song kept playing. At least wasn’t an auditory hallucination, that felt slightly more comforting to know. Still, yet inclined, he slid into his white slippers and steadily pulled open the glass door, having to do it incrementally due to its weight. Upon stepping outside, the tiles became more apparent through the fluff of his slippers. He wrapped his blazer further around himself, the thin material faring practically useless against the freezing winter air anyway. Smoky puffs of breath guided his path as he trudged over to the ornate metal fence, tucking his black shirt into his pants to preserve some heat. The metal was cold under his palms as he scoped the street, eyes unpractised in looking from such a distance in the dark.

He looked across the opposite street at all the fancy doors, lights off and house numbers invisible next to the row of parked cars and trash. Then he looked up at the one skyscraper a few streets across that had only a few yellow windows scattered across its body, trying to mimic the ocean of stars twinkling above the city. He felt like if he reached out and touched it, it would ripple, splattering all the stars and dust to other places in the sky, the only thing reminding him that it wasn’t a reflection being the grey wisps of clouds passing slowly over a full moon. It looked like smoke. He felt like he could inhale it. Then he looked down. And there, standing next to a black parked car and a bin filled with rubbish was…

“Akito!” He called down, the sound only being muffled by the thousands of air particles between them. He was here. Akito was here .

Akito said nothing, he only continued playing. If he lost focus for a single moment he would mess up the song that he had spent weeks practising.

‘Hey, where’d this sudden interest in the piano come from?’ His friends laughed in good spirits as he sat down, the topic being the first he asked about since slamming the door open to Weekend Garage.

‘I just wanna know…’

‘Why? You tryna impress that piano boy?’ An teased. The room laughed.

It must have been something on his face. His expression, or maybe the way he sighed with so much fondness as he sat down for his drink, but suddenly, everyone’s face became some combination of confusion, seriousness and realisation.

‘Oh’, they all collectively realised as he took a sip of the tea that was meant for the person next to him. An didn’t dare correct him. No one did. ‘He’s in love.’

Akito Shinonome was in love.

And here he was, playing a soft melody under the Shibuya night sky for the most beautiful boy in the world. Because how dare such a wonderful person be left alone on such a pleasant night. His thick white turtleneck suggested otherwise, but that was besides the point. Toya had looked so disappointed at having to go home. What was Akito supposed to do? Just let him go like that?

‘Ha! Do you hear yourself?’ An half joked.

‘I’m only looking out for him!’ He argued, taking another sip of his coffee.

‘It’s nice of you to do that, Shinonome-kun,’ Kohane agreed.

‘See! She gets it!’ He took a larger sip, wiping his lips. Kohane giggled. ‘What?’

‘Don’t you dislike bitter things?’ She giggled, one hand slightly over her mouth. He looked at her, confused.

‘Your coffee, dude. You started chugging it before I could even add anything.’

He slowly turned to look at his mug, which was half full with pure black coffee. He didn’t like bitter things.

Then he smiled. Because Toya liked black coffee, and he loved Toya, and everything Toya loved was perfect as it was. Giggles filled the air as he drank the mug to the bottom.

His partner had looked so beautiful, illuminated right under the moon, looking up at the stars. He looked like he missed them, belonged to them. Hell, he looked like one too. Akito wondered if he would let him find a way to take him back up there, alongside all the beautiful things in the world that no one could touch, and no one could hurt.

Toya rested his head on the fence, arms draped over and fingers playing at each other. It was cold, but he couldn’t care less. If anything, he melted against it, listening and watching as his partner played. His hands weren’t positioned properly, and the notes were choppy at best, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Not when he was right here, Akito was right here .

However, somewhere along the way, Akito had decided that it wasn’t enough, because he ran from the keyboard to somewhere under the balcony where Toya couldn’t see. Toya tried dipping his head under as far as he could, but to no avail.

Then, from a distance he didn’t think would be possible for at least another eighteen hours.

“Hey.”

Toya snapped around, only to see Akito trying to manoeuvre off of a tree branch right onto his balcony. His voice was short and breathy, and Toya loved it still. Ignoring whatever little impulse control he had, he jogged over to him, trying to help him down. It only caused imbalance as he tugged on his black blazer, resulting in them both stumbling as Akito knocked him back against the fence. They sputtered. Then they looked at each other, like it was the first time they had seen each other in years.

Hell, like it was the first time they had seen in years. As though upon the sight of each other, colour entered their world, their eyes tracing the hues and shades of each other’s face within this proximity for the first time. They met.

“Hey…” he repeated.

“Hey.” Breathless. Enamoured, even. However many stars there were above them, there were more in each other’s eyes, and each sparkled with a ferocity only read in books and seen in movies.

White puffs of air escaped into the space between their lips, exhaled from one mouth and dissipating into the other. Their foreheads touched, pink against tan, burning up.

Every one of their senses was attuned to each other. Every single thought, touch, breath, dedicated to nothing but the person in front of them. Because who were they without each other? What was there left to love if not each other? No one left to play for, no one left to sing for, if they weren’t there to hear it. It was music only if the other listened, and it was love… only… if the other…

“Can I?”

Toya nodded immediately. He didn’t even know what for, but if it was Akito, then it didn’t matter. Akito could do anything and he wouldn’t mind. Akito–

He kissed him.

The smoke between them puffed out around their lips from the movement. Akito kept his eyes shut tight, Toya’s wide open, swirling with something starlight couldn’t touch. His partner tugged at his blazer, and he let his eyes fall shut at the pull. A hand came around to his neck, tugging him closer. Toya let him, his hands bracing the fence as the force heightened, the pressure building. For a brief, small pocket of time, the world tasted of nothing but sweet syrup and traces of bitter coffee, blending against each other perfectly. And then they pulled away, panting, exhilarated.

They both gave themselves a minute to catch their breath. Akito’s hand hovered in a fist over his mouth, whilst Toya swiped a thumb over his bottom lip, trying to feel it in the flesh, memorise where they had met. He kept breathing, only slowing down when it occurred to him,

"Akito... he'll see you." Toya argued, but the way he fell further into Akito's arms said otherwise.

"I don't care," he replied instantly. He did- he should , but...

"Akito..." But he was right here . "Aki-mph!" He leaned in again. He had waited for this- needed this, and if Toya’s hands pulling his head closer to him told him anything, his partner did too.

They both did.

God, he was selfish.

"I don’t care–” and then Toya pulled him back down for another kiss. If Akito really didn’t want anymore, then he would pull away, he was headstrong like that.

If only he knew. If only he could see the way Akito dissolved at the mention of him like all his friends did. If only he knew how incredibly weak his partner was for him, and no one else, then maybe he wouldn’t have made such a trusting judgement.

But he did. He wanted to melt like this. He wanted to die like this. In the gentle grip of Akito’s burning hands, his lips against Akito’s honey lips. This , he decided, was where he wanted to spend the rest of his life. In Akito’s arms, with Akito’s love. Them, and nothing else.

Akito pulled away. Toya chased after him. He heaved, lifting his eyes up to meet his partner’s. There was a note of concern written in them, a realisation of sorts. He went to ask, but,

“I… I really don’t want you to get in trouble.” He sounded scared, like he had just gotten him convicted of some kind of felony.

He was worried, Toya realised. He was worried for him. His heart swelled, and he released his grip on his blazer to hug him. Akito stumbled back.

“You don’t have to worry,” he whispered, snuggling into his neck.

“Ya sure?” He hesitated, slowly hugging him back.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He breathed, lips against Toya’s neck. “Okay. I trust you.”

Toya’s heart swelled.

“Thank you.” He pressed a kiss to his neck.

“Anytime,” his voice strained into a whisper. “Whatever you need.” He let himself relax into Toya’s arms.

Toya nodded, humming.

“Same goes for you. Come to me. For anything.”

“You got it.”

They stayed stood like that for a minute more, breathing silently against each other, letting themselves relax and holding each other close. Then, unwillingly, Akito pulled away, stepping back towards the tree. “I, uh, gotta go now,” he mumbled, not looking fully committed to leaving. “Ena’s probably gonna give me an earful when I get back.” He chuckled, shifting awkwardly. In response, Toya kissed his ear. Akito sputtered.

“Then keep an ear free for me, so I can keep you at ease even then.”

“H-Huh?” Then, “Yeah- Yeah…” he smiled softly. “Of course. Always.”

Toya smiled, stepping back. Akito held onto the branch, stepping on. “So, uh. I guess, see you tomorrow?” Toya nodded.

“Good night, Akito.” He stepped forward, kissing him on the forehead.

“Yeah… Good night, Toya.” He kissed him back. Then with a smile, lingering eyes, and whole lot of slow hesitation, he slowly made his way back down the tree, and back on the street, looking up as Toya waved him goodbye from the balcony, and he waved back, walking backwards and continuing to do so until he completely disappeared behind a large hedge. He stood behind it for a couple moments, regaining his posture and considering turning around to see him again. He placed a palm over where Toya had kissed his forehead and smiled giddily. God, An is never going to believe this , he thought, moving forward and running back home.

Toya closed his balcony door, only to slide down with his back against the cool glass, thumb tracing around where Akito kissed him good night, becoming less and less accurate with each iteration. It was okay. They could kiss again in – he looked back up at the clock – in seventeen and a half hours. They would meet again. All he had to do was wait. He could do that. For Akito – he thumbed his lips again, smiling. For Akito, he could do anything. He sighed, happy at last.

Yeah, for Akito.