Chapter Text
Chapter one: Anicca
Early april 2016
You gasp as you suddenly awake, your eyes dilated, and your fur stands on edge. The nightmare you were just suffering slipping out your mind.
Tiger: “Woah, bad dream?” The tiger across from you asks smugly, you don't reply.
Tiger: “Well, it’s about time to get up anyway”
You get up, and remember how bad the withdrawal symptoms are. Quickly, you reach for your pill bottle and swallow two of them dry, and you go to wash the headache off with a shower.
In the shower, you feel your pills start to kick in, loosening all the tension in your head and neck, and eases the headache. And satisfied with that, you step out to dry.
stepping back into your dorm, you see that same smug tiger sitting on his bed reading your pill bottle.
Tiger: “Good morning Ash-er”, he announces like he just exposed your deepest secret.
Asher: “It's pronounced uh-sher”. You reply, maybe a little too harsh in tone.
The tiger seems to be taken aback by this.
Asher: “Oh um, I’m sorry”. You say, panicked, not wanting to make a bad first impression.
The tiger regains his composure.
Asher: “I need to take those, doctor's orders, y’know?”
Grabbing them from the tigers grasp and stuffing them in your bag.
A mischievous glint spread across the tiger's face.
Asher: “I mean I was going to tell you, but it saves me the speech.”
Without saying a word and maintaining eye contact, he stands up and walks up to you, you begin to assume the worst.
(“Have I seriously already pissed off possibly the biggest guy in here?”), you can feel your fur stand on edge as he closes the already short gap.
Tiger: “Oh don't worry bro, I get it”. The tiger laughs, wrapping his arm over your shoulder,
Tiger: “Anyway I’m going to the cafeteria, you coming?”
He speaks confidently and enthusiastically, but still you feel a bit shaken.
(Has he even had a shower yet??)
Asher: “Ash-er is fine I was just messing with you.”
The tiger opens the dorm room door, and he steps to the side, wordlessly asking you to come along.
You follow along anyway, not much point staying in your dorm.
The hallways of the male carnivore dorms seemed almost abandoned if it weren't for the muffled and disembodied conversations from the other dorm rooms.
On the walk to the cafeteria, the tiger breaks the silence. “So how often do you have to take those magic pills?” He asks as if it were a rhetorical question, but the way he kept looking at you told you differently.
Asher: “Well I take two with each meal”. You say, deciding to take his question seriously.
Tiger: (ponders your question: “Well I will be making sure you're taking them, then”.
Asher: “Will you spoon feed me breakfast as well?” You joke, producing a smirk on your face, one you try to mask. The tiger laughs.
You open the main door, stepping out into the campus, the dawning sun casting a golden hue on the grass and buildings. The sky is a golden-blue gradient.
Asher: “So what's your name? I don't think I’ve got it yet”
The tiger looks at you for a second, seemingly not believing he hasn't introduced himself yet.
Tiger Bill: “I can't believe I didn't introduce myself earlier, my name's Bill, people just call me Big Bengal so if you're asking for me, ask for that”. He nudges your shoulder, a massive grin on his face.
Asher: “Big Bengal??” You say, laughing. “Well, I’m glad I get to know you as Bill, then”
Asher: “Well then, Big Bendel, how far away is the cafeteria?
Bill smiles, slows his pace and looks over his shoulder at you, “We're not going to the cafeteria yet”. A confused look must have grown on your face as Bill adds on with “I’ve been told you've been scouted”.
chapter one: Lights, Camera, Action
After a short time you and the tiger arrive at a building, he gestures for you to open the main entrance. Opening the door, the room appears completely empty and devoid of life, stacked chairs piled in your peripherals and an open stage in the center.
As you're taking in the scene in front of you, Bill places a hand on your shoulder and shifts himself in between you and the doorframe, stepping ahead a few paces.
Bill, walking to another closed door “Well, this is as far as I can take you, good luck”
Asher: (unsure what this is all about, and a little concerned about what Bill meant by ‘Good luck’) “Thank you??”
Asher pushes through the door, hoping to leave a confident impression on whoever's waiting inside.
Inside, a deer sits at his desk to his right, a small stack of paper to his right, and one in front of him, and a small tupperware of sliced carrots to his right. Noticing your arrival he places the paper in front of him onto the stack, and slides the container with carrots into a drawer built into his desk.
A clear look of scorn and discontent grows on his face.
Deer: “What happened to knocking?”, He says with scorn in his voice.
Asher: “What happened to emails?”, a reminder for the deer, who asked Bill that you come to him personally, and a stark reminder that you're here out of your own volition, and not as an obligation.
A small bit of tension grows as you both just look at each other, the deer's eyes try to read your body, formulating his response.
Faltering, the deer masks his contorted embarrassment as disgust and a little annoyance as he pinches the bridge of his snout and motions to take the seat on the other side of his desk.
Asher: (sitting down in the chair, begs the question) “Are you gonna tell me what this is all about?”
Deer Louis: “Let me start off by introducing myself,”
he leans back in his chair, having fully composed himself: “My name's Louis, I’m the head of the actors team here at the drama club.”
He meets his eyes with yours, a glance that rivals even the most cunning predators.
Louis: (leans in, closing the air around you)
“And what's your name?”
Asher: “Wasn't I scouted? You already know my name”
Louis: (leaning back in his seat again)
“Well then, Asher, Bill should've already told you,” he clears his throat, breaking tension, “I want you to join the drama club”
The statement lingers in the air for a moment, before Asher breaks the tension.
Asher rolls his eyes, though not out of anger, frustration or annoyance.
Asher: “That's a shame, I don't know a thing about acting”
The deer's eyes look you up and down, he smells of an aromatic cologne, the scent brings you back to your hometown, unfortunately it also reminds you of why you left.
Louis: “Can you atleast give it some thought?”
Asher breaks his eyes away from Louis, placing himself mentally in this office and not his hometown. He shifts in his chair.
Asher: “Fine, well it was nice meeting you, Louis”
Asher gets up from his chair and leaves the room, Louis eyes tracing him as he opens the door and closes it, reuniting with Bill.
Bill: “How did that go?”, he nudges you enthusiastically.
Asher: “Nothing worthy of note, Louis wants you to pass me the drama club times. Just text me them later”
You walk past Bill, heading straight for the door but Bill rushes ahead of you, strange as that is you do not question it.
Bill: “I can do that, for today though, just come in after last period”
Bill opens the drama club door for Asher, but he only gives a thank you in the form of a head nod.
The campus is much more lively now, the other beasts making their own starts to their day. You don't pay much more time to it than that, and you follow Bill to the cafeteria for breakfast.
chapter one: YNWIM?
Waiting in the cafeteria line, you can feel Bill’s eyes looking towards you and the cafeteria line ahead, you turn your head away, a deliberate attempt at avoiding a conversation with the tiger.
BilI swivels his head around as he scans the line ahead. “I swear the lines aren't usually this long..”
“I’d bet”, you reply, trying to keep this conversation short, just trying to have a quiet moment to yourself.
You pull out your phone to check the notifications, you see a text message sent from your sister, Aliya: “Asher!! How have you been? Sorry for not calling or texting as much as I promised I would, my work has been busy and I’ve been chasing so many deadlines lol. Levi gave me a call earlier on the weekend and told me you’ve started at Cherryton, I bet about now you’re pretty glad about all the times I scolded you on your homework? I’d love to catch up with you at some point, text me back.”. You sigh and clear your notifications from crowding your homescreen.
At last you and Bill get breakfast, you grab a bread bun, scrambled eggs and soy milk.
Bill walks you to a table on the far end of the cafeteria, you figure that Bill realized you don't like crowds somehow, some form of dread forms within you, fearing that Bill could see through the collected demeanor you present yourself with.
You sit across from Bill, hoping he takes this as a polite gesture. He looks up from his dish towards you. “Never been a big crowd lover” he mentions as he settles into his seat
“So.. what do you think of Louis”, a look of curiosity brings a light to his eyes as he anticipates your answer. His eyes dart down towards his dish as he brings a small mouthful of scrambled eggs to his mouth.
“He seems nice enough,” you admit, taking this opportunity to open up about yourself. “Nicer than the beasts at my old school.”, You tear a small portion off of the bread and bring it to your mouth.
Bill swallows his food and reaches for his bottle of soy milk, twisting the cap open “What was your old school like?” He asks, taking a sip from his bottle.
(brief flashes of your past scatter across your mind, though you try not to focus on the details, it honestly feels like a headache.)
“Uhm.. it was an all boys school for carnivores.” You pause for a moment to regain your footing mentally, sucking in a deep breath and sighing. “Anyway that's enough about me for now, so what’s your story?”
Bill opens his mouth, words forming on his tongue, but he stops and looks over your head and a smile forms on his face. You turn to see what he's looking at, an eagle and panther approach the table.
(nondescript images flick through your mind, taking center stage of your attention like how vomit moves through your throat. Your Mother's red buckle shoes and her rosettes, and the
office appointments that followed soon after take center stage of your mind)
“H-Hey Asher..? Are you there?” Bill’s reached over the table and is waving his hands in front of your eyes.
“Ah! yes sorry, I blanked for a moment”
You blink your eyes into focus, taking notice of a pair, one and eagle and the other a panther, each with their own trays.
Bill: “Uh well, since you're back, this is Aoba and Tao”
He gestures to the eagle and panther respectively, and the two give you small waves.
Asher: “It’s nice to meet you guys.”
You offer a smile and a wave along with your words.
Aoba sits next to you, while Bill and Tao sit across the table.
“Tao and Aoba are part of the drama club as well, so it's good I got to introduce you guys early”, Bill speaks joyfully.
Bill seems genuine with his words, it's pretty clear that Bill is familiar with this duo.
“Bill was just telling us about that, Louis is just an asshole to us carnivores sometimes”, Tao pouts as he puts his elbows on the table.
“Really? I found him acting pretty reasonably when dealing with me.”, You admit, darting your eyes between the three, watching for a reaction.
Tao sighs and picks up his fork, “Nah, he’s just an asshole”.
“mmm..Perhaps”. Tao’s opinion on Louis makes you rethink his character. “Was he just being nice because you’re new?” you think to yourself.
Aoba nudges your arm with his elbow, “I also heard it's your first day here, are you enjoying it so far?”
You attempt to crack a self-deprecating joke “Better than what my worst instincts tell me.” An amused smile forms across your face.
Aoba’s feathers ruffle slightly, not seeing the fun in your remark, “Uhm..That's good to hear, and we’ve all been here for years now so if you need help, ask us.” His tone sounded like he actually intended on helping you.
“Oh, that reminds me, do you know where class 314 is?”
Aoba visibly thinks about this for a second, “Yeah, I know where that is, I can walk you there after.”
The group eats their breakfasts quietly, your eggs have since gone cold and your bread has developed a rough texture. a small bout of silence before Tao speaks up.
“Actually Asher, That’s what I wanted to ask, I noticed you're a second year student but it's your first day here. You move here?”
Bill’s face lights up at Tao’s question.
“I was actually about to ask about that, you went to an all boys carnivore school before, right?”
Aoba interjects, “Wait really? That sounds awesome. What made you come here?”
Asher: “A lot of things, but for the sake of giving you an answer-”
Bill and Aoba exchange confused looks at each other as you continue.
Asher: “I went to an all boys only carnivore school, and students that attend those schools tend to keep their instincts a little longer. I didn’t fit in there..”
“You didn’t maintain your instincts?” Aoba interrogates,
You let the question rest in the air for a moment.
Asher: “I had to..” he speaks quietly, choking on his words
Asher: “It’s not a conversation we should have here.”
The table sits silently, the other three exchanges knowing looks at each other, seemingly in a silent agreement, until Tao looks your way.
Tao: “But still, I don't understand where you're coming from.”
Tao’s words feel like a knife in your chest, you don’t think it but rather a feeling hacks in your throat and chest, your shoulders feel heavy and everything feels too much, You can’t talk about this, not with anyone and especially not with them.
The air becomes tense as all three beasts watch you intently for your response.
“I dont think it's so important that you need to know.”
Standing up from the table.
“Can we leave it at that?”
Walking away from the table, your breath feels hot and hitched in your throat, your heart is paddleboarding in your chest. Maybe someday you might be able to talk about your past without falling apart. Your hands and face run cold before you eventually find your footing and ground yourself mentally.
You slow your pace to a halt as you turn back to wait for Bill, Tao and Aoba.
They all share a knowing look, Bill is the first to speak up, an uneased look on his face.
“Shit Asher, you look like you’re gonna be sick.”
You smile at Bill, an almost pitiful attempt at selling the idea that you’re fine. You’re not fine.
“Nah I just stood up too fast.”
This statement seems to convince Bill not to press it further. He and Tao rush ahead, leaving you and Aoba to walk and talk with each other.
You notice how close they are with each other, Bill’s hand runs down from Tao’s shoulder, down his side before gripping his waist, and Tao leans into him, wrapping his own arm around Bill’s waist as they walk.
Aoba looks over to you and speaks with a hint of concern in his voice, “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah of course”, a white lie.
“Can I ask about your family?” Aoba looks towards you, seemingly trying to gauge your reaction.
You answer truthfully, though while you omit any details about your parents, you hope Aoba doesn't ask about them. “Well I have an older brother and an even older sister, I am the youngest of them.”
A hint of surprise spreads across Aoba’s face “Really? What do they do for work?”
“I really don't know what my sisters been up to, she’s been busy. But my brother, he is back home.”
Aoba’s face lights up with an enthusiastic curiosity.
“Back home? What’s it like there?”
(Your mind darts back to your hometown,and the valley it rests in. The large, often snow capped mountains that cradle it from the sides, all the things you want to remember from that place.)
“It’s nice, scenic is a word I would probably use to describe it.”
Aoba produces a little “Uh huh” almost absent mindedly, so much so that Aoba himself has no idea he does that. “Is it a small town?”
“I wouldn't say it's big enough to be a city, big enough to meet new people”, Talking about your hometown builds a pit in your stomach.
You both stop outside a classroom, the door having a plaque reading “314” nailed into it.
“It appears that this is my class right here, then?” You gesture to the plaque
“Well, it was great meeting you, Asher.”. A smile forms across the eagle's beak as he turns to face you.
“Mhm! It was good to meet some new faces as well. See you at the drama club?”
“Yeah, of course”
Aoba turns to make his way towards the next class.
You turn from Aoba, and push open the door, the door on the other hand, feels impossibly heavy. After pushing it open with a force that felt entirely overboard. You scan the rows of seats and decide to sit near an alpaca waiting patiently in the middle rows.
END OF CHAPTER ONE