Chapter Text
Seo Changbin has ‘perfect future son-in-law’ face and ‘will fuck you through the mattress’ body.
Hyunjin noticed this right away when Chan introduced them during his first month of university, and it was, in fact, his literal first thought upon seeing Changbin get up from a bar stool with a smile. Cute face, he thought. And then: a body like a promise.
He didn’t say as much, of course, where Changbin was awfully complementary and fawning and over-the-top about Hyunjin’s appearance in return. Hyunjin tries not to be an asshole but… everyone fawns over him when they meet him, it’s their first time being exposed to his face, and reactions vary but follow a flattering pattern. Back then, Changbin fell squarely into the admiring, flirty category, and Hyunjin had smiled to himself and let it wash over him. He steeled himself for when the inevitable date request or, hell, marriage proposal came, and he contented himself to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
*
Chan had adopted Hyunjin right away, and took it upon himself to connect his older friends with his newer. Chan was good like that; a unit-maker, a group leader. A hot dad, so to speak.
The hot dad’s hot-as-fuck friend was two years ahead of Hyunjin instead of three like Chan, and even though he continued to compliment Hyunjin and say pretty things about him, he didn’t actually pursue him in any real way. Hyunjin waited, but the proposal never came, and then Hyunjin introduced Felix to Chan, and Felix joined the group… and he got to watch Changbin do the same thing to him that he had done to Hyunjin.
The exact. Same. Thing.
He fawned over Felix and exclaimed in awe when Felix smiled, praising his looks with abandon, and it was… rote. Meaningless, as it must have been about Hyunjin. Changbin giggled and showered Felix in compliments and Hyunjin started to hate him a little bit around then, just a couple of months in.
Hate is a strong word. Changbin is a wonderful person, and Hyunjin loved him.
He was… irritated.
Chan’s other friend Minho brought Jisung into the fold a couple of months later, another student from Hyunjin and Felix’s year. Changbin cooed over him and called his cheeks ‘cute’ and encouraged his musical abilities, and Hyunjin caught the allegedly-straight Jisung staring at Changbin’s thighs more than once and had to fight the urge to point it out to everyone.
Seungmin was next, plucked out of the library by Changbin himself. He was a quiet beauty at the start, but as he grew comfortable with them he started showing more of his playful side, his annoying-little-dongsaeng side, and Changbin would match his energy every time. Seungmin got Changbin to punch him, scruff him, grab his waist, grab his throat, put him in a chokehold… it was alarming to watch. Proof, that Changbin was just a shallow flirt, a meathead easily turned this way and that by the next pretty thing, and no one was particularly special or stood out, in his eyes.
A year later shy, adorable Jeongin confirmed the pattern, and Hyunjin’s irritation grew the more time passed. No, he didn’t hate Changbin; Changbin was their group’s moral center, a good person of strong character and a fiercely loyal friend who would bend over backwards to help any of them, Hyunjin included. He loved Changbin.
He just got… really annoyed with him sometimes.
*
Most of the others don’t like going clubbing—Minho and Jisung stick to their homey movie nights (dates, they are freaking dates) unless the outing involves a noraebang, Chan is addicted to working, Seungmin does not vibe with loud music, and Jeongin usually trails after Seungmin like a lost puppy (or is it the other way around?).
Felix and Changbin are the only two who regularly take up Hyunjin’s offers to actually go out dancing, and on the night that Hyunjin’s annoyance with Changbin blooms into full-fledged anger for the first time, it’s the three of them who go out together. It’s midway through Changbin’s senior year, Felix and Hyunjin’s second, and Chan already graduated. Felix shyly asked Hyunjin to take a couple of pictures of him to strategically share on social media where Chan will see them, and Hyunjin is delighted to oblige. The club is full, it’s Friday, and a mix of students and foreigners has packed the dancefloor.
As usual, Felix and Hyunjin are fending off admirers while Changbin seems to be welcoming them, giving attention to the beautiful dark-skinned brown girl who leans on his shoulder, the short white man who buys him drink after drink, the group of Korean-American visitors with their second-generation accents. Hyunjin tries to ignore all this, taking pictures of Felix for a while at first and then some videos, focusing on the sway of his little hips and the swish of his shoulder-length brown hair, but it is hard. Changbin starts getting pulled away from them as the volume of his fans grows, incited by his reciprocation no doubt. He could just tell them he’s here with his friends, he doesn’t need to be so damn polite.
Slut, Hyunjin finds himself thinking, mind a cloudy swirl of alcohol and annoyance.
It’s a shameful thought. It should be beneath him. Hyunjin himself probably qualifies as slutty, both in his chosen outfit tonight and in general, given how often he lets some poor fool worship his cock if he’s not feeling like jerking off. He’s selective but he has such an overwhelming amount of options… five-percent out of hundreds is still a lot.
So he shouldn’t slut-shame, he thinks to himself, flushing even as Changbin dances with the pretty girl out of the corner of his eye. He thought he was better than that.
“Hyunjin-ah?” Felix shouts, waving a hand in front of his face.
Hyunjin blinks, realizes he stopped filming and was just standing there, minimal subconscious movements to the beat but otherwise frozen.
“Sorry! I got some good footage, here—” he shows Felix his phone screen, and together they swipe through the content with their heads close, meaning Hyunjin loses track of Changbin for a minute. Two, at most.
The next time he checks on him, he’s traveled all the way across the dancefloor and is making out with the girl against a wall.
What the fuck.
A sour, horrible nausea rises up from his stomach, and Hyunjin knows he freezes, is conscious of doing it this time, but he can’t help it. Changbin’s massive arms are wrapped around the girl’s generous waist, he’s leaning up as much as he can to make her superior height less uncomfortable for her as they kiss. It’s hard to see his face because the girl is in the way, but judging by the way his hands clench around her flesh he is having a damn good time.
Hyunjin feels like someone slapped him. He didn’t think Changbin would be so inconsiderate as to abandon his friends like this; if Hyunjin wasn’t taller than the average clubgoer he might not have spotted him at all, and him and Felix could have gotten really scared. Could have panicked, even. It’s not just irritating, it’s… infuriating. Fury is an apt response to the situation; Changbin is normally so considerate and good, but this is careless, thoughtless. Rude.
Something… unhealthy curdles in his mouth.
“Where’s Changbin?” he shouts, bending down to speak in Felix’s ear with wide eyes.
Felix blinks in confusion, looking around them. “Wh… he was just there!” He tries to stand on tiptoes, but still isn’t tall enough to spot him. Or his Changbin-radar isn’t as sharp as Hyunjin’s.
“We should go find him,” Hyunjin responds, serious, and pulls him towards the bar. Changbin’s wall is not far, and the crowd either senses his anger and moves out of the way or they get a light shove from a man too pretty to stay mad at, and he gets away with it anyway.
Karma rewards him for being an asshole, which is unfortunate for then-twenty-year-old Hyunjin, and sets a bad precedent.
Together, him and Felix practically stumble directly into Changbin and his girl, and to Hyunjin’s delight it’s Felix who pulls them apart to admonish their hyung, big cow-eyes blinking at Changbin in anguish about how he worried them, and shouldn’t do that again.
Changbin is appropriately chastised and regretful, and something inside of Hyunjin crows victory, haughtily watches him apologize and thinks: that’s right. Grovel while his exterior appears cool and unaffected, arms lightly (deliberately) crossed over his chest. He even examines his nails at one point.
Changbin doesn’t leave their side after that, nor for any of the subsequent club night outings, though they do lessen over time—but once Hyunjin has tasted anger, he finds that it comes easier. Instead of irritation, Changbin’s subsequent transgressions start to summon anger in him again and again, a positive feedback loop without an ending.
*
Their first proper fight is the day of Changbin’s graduation.
Changbin is in university to appease his parents while he waits to pursue his true passion, music production, which he has been an amateur at for years but hasn’t quite switched to taking seriously. He has no intention to further his communications degree, and barely skirted by the pass-rate despite his intelligence due to his absolute lack of effort; Hyunjin figured that didn’t matter, if graduating meant he was finally going to start taking his passion seriously and focus on his music.
It isn’t until the day of his graduation that the others find out that he let his parents bully him into taking a job at the Seoul corporate offices of his father’s company.
“It’s not even the kind of job that will allow you to do your own thing on the side,” Hyunjin reproaches. “The hours will be too demanding!”
Changbin grits his teeth; usually so affable, his parents and his career are a sore spot.
“I have no other choice right now,” he says, sighing. “He promised me that he’ll let me quit in two years.”
“Two years?”
The whole group had cornered him in the Social Studies building, after the ceremony but before his parents whisk him away for a celebratory family dinner, and Changbin is still clutching his rolled-up diploma.
“It’s a compromise,” he says to Hyunjin.
“It’s a cop-out,” Hyunjin counters.
Changbin’s eyes flash, and Hyunjin is reminded of all the times Seungmin was able to easily rile him up to the point of physical violence, and feels—exhilarated. He knows the others are watching, knows they might even be able to tell that the shaky breath he draws in is not one in fear, but in anticipation, but he can’t control it. His familiar anger at Changbin is finally getting an outlet, a freaking escape valve.
“You don’t understand, Hyunjin-ah—”
“You’re being a coward, that’s what I understand.”
It works, Changbin steps towards him and he is, at last, properly angry back. “It’s not cowardice, it’s being an adult!”
“Delaying your dream is not being a fucking adult, Changbin-hyung—”
“Compromising is something grown-ups do! It’s two years of my life!”
“Exactly! Two years is a long fucking time, why can’t you at least admit that?”
There’s a crackle of energy building between them, no room for anyone else to butt into the argument. Just them. Hyunjin’s pulse is pounding, he has to fight to school his features and not show what this is doing to him. He almost wants to laugh, it burns so good.
“So you want me to feel worse, is that it?”
“I want you to admit how you’re feeling and do something about it!”
“And what, exactly, would I do?"
“Go after what you really want! Instead of this bullshit waiting period—"
“Guys, guys!” Jisung hisses, and the momentum vanishes, Hyunjin finding himself breathing hard and closer to Changbin than he’d started out. When he turns to follow where Jisung is pointing he sees that Changbin’s parents managed to find them, and are about to be within earshot.
He ducks his head and shuffles to the back of the group, smiling politely when the time comes to introduce all of them one by one and giggling for real when Changbin calls him his ‘future wife, Hyunjin’ in a way that suggests he’s done it before. The confrontational energy has fully dissipated by the time Changbin leaves the group and waves happily at all of them, meeting Hyunjin’s eyes with an ‘already forgiven and forgotten’ expression.
Unfortunately, Hyunjin never forgets the feel of that rush of adrenalin again, and thus begins a new era for them.
A worse one.
*
Three years have passed since that particular fight, and arguments genuinely become a regular occurrence, a part of how they communicate. The others shrug, expecting it, “Oh, just Hyunjin and Changbin fighting again, must be Tuesday”, a constant build with no release, a simmer that heats up but never boils over.
Hyunjin is not any better for them. In fact, he is objectively worse, and he knows it, too.
It’s a shame, to say this about someone he considers a friend, but sometimes Hyunjin thinks that Changbin makes him a shittier person. Or—brings out the worst in him, at least, even though Changbin is such a good, reliable, emotionally intelligent guy. Something about him triggers Hyunjin’s basest qualities: his manipulative side, his proprietary side, his irritable, emotional side, and the clearest and latest example of this is Exhibit A, the case of Kim Myung.
“Hey Hyunjin, can I ask you something?” Myung says while they stretch. He’s a short, sweet fellow dancer who Hyunjin likes well enough, even though they aren’t close, exactly. They usually chit-chat amicably during warm-ups, and Felix is often paired with him because they are of similar heights.
“Of course.” Minho is a stretching dictator; ruthless and implacable for the first twenty minutes of class, and if you want center at the showcase then you will stretch until your ligaments are putty (he actually said that, in those words, last week), so they have plenty of time. “What’s up?”
Hyunjin grabs his ankle and lifts it up, unconsciously mirroring Felix a few paces away. Felix can’t hear them, though, Myung is being weirdly quiet and secretive.
“That guy you posted the other day, with the arms… what’s his name?”
Hyunjin’s hip flexors lock up.
“Which guy?” he asks, like he doesn’t fucking know.
“Well, I was hoping you’d tell me.” Myung chuckles, switching quads. When he smiles he reminds Hyunjin a bit of Jisung—same inherent cuteness. Myung is out of the closet, though, unlike that hot mess. “You were at a coffee shop, I think? Only half his face was visible in the picture, but if the rest of it was anything like the lower ha—”
“Oh,” he affects realization. “Changbin? You’ve met him, I think… he used to date Chaeryeong’s sister.”
Changbin had only dated Ona for a couple of weeks when he was a senior (Hyunjin felt post-menopausal the entire time, it was horrible) but he came to pick her up from dance practice a few times, because he’s a goddamn gentleman like that.
“Her sister, huh?” Myung says, expectantly. There’s a gleam of hope in his eye still—well, he’s bisexual, so it would follow that he might hope (correctly) that Changbin might be too.
“Ten minutes!” Minho calls, a reminder that they need to get a move on before practice starts in earnest. “I’m waiting.”
Hyunjin gets hit with a nasty epiphany.
“Listen, instead of Changbin, why don’t you go for someone that we know is available and into men?” He reaches across to Myung’s shoulders, which are narrower than Jisung’s, and turns him towards their teacher.
As Myung’s gaze travels to Minho, Hyunjin keeps looking at him. There really is a vague resemblance to Jisung there. It’s not cruel, to hope that Minho might find something to appreciate in cute, Gimpo-born-and-raised, fellow-anime-nerd dance-student Myung. Jisung has been rambling about being Minho’s Straight Best Friend since they met and clicked like tumblers falling into place, and at this point they are four years into a one-sided situationship with no end in sight. Either Minho and Myung will be happy together forever or this could trigger a necessary series of realizations in Jisung, and he will finally hear himself when he says Minho is his ‘soulmate’ with so much love that it makes Hyunjin want to vomit.
It's not mean, to gently redirect Myung’s interest. Plus Minho is fucking gorgeous, all Hyunjin had to do was point. Myung is still staring.
“He’s our teacher,” Myung whispers, but he’s smiling.
“I know. Hot, right?”
Felix scoots over to them when it seems like he can’t take being out of hearing range any more.
“What are we talking about?” he asks, eagerly.
“We’re talking about how Myung should ask Minho out,” Hyunjin mutters, settling into his final gastrocnemius stretch (“If you can’t name the muscle you’re gonna injure it,” Minho loves to say).
Felix gasps, silent-clapping excitedly. “Oh my God? That’s an amazing idea!”
Myung blushes, shooting Minho another covert look. “I guess it can’t hurt to ask.”
Hyunjin nods sagely. “Of course not! Go for it, we’re rooting for you!”
*
He keeps skirting consequences for his shitty actions, and so his incentive to not commit them… should be moral, of course. He should have an inherent, innate desire not to be a piece of shit. He thought he did before he started university, but his compass malfunctions around Seo Changbin, the way compasses tend to do around magnets.
Still, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like dirt when he sees the look on Jisung’s face the following week at the bar; seven of them (minus Chan, who is working) crowded around their usual tables.
“Who are we talking about?” Jisung asks, seconds after Hyunjin and Felix bring up Myung’s name to Minho. He just left Seungmin hanging literally mid-sentence, and he looks—panicked. “Why does this guy think he’s got a shot? I can—”
“He’s a cute twink with a cute waist who wants Minho to rail him into next week,” Hyunjin interrupts, giving him pointed look. He is certain Jisung was just about to offer to reject Myung on Minho’s behalf. “And also to date him, apparently.”
“Oh. Myung’s the one with the waist?” Minho cocks his head. “Hm. He is cute.”
Jisung goes very still, and a conflicted churn of emotions puts an end to Hyunjin’s drinking for the evening. He does genuinely believe that it would be healthy for Minho to date someone, and Myung is a sweetheart with a steel core, a good fit for him in some ways (except for the way in which he’s not Han Jisung, but that’s not his fault). Hyunjin should be glad that Minho is showing interest, but Jisung’s face makes him feel like he just shot a cute little woodland creature at point blank range, instead.
“So you know who he is?” Jisung asks, voice wavering.
“He’s one of your students, of course you know who he is.” Hyunjin tells Minho, trying to tamp down the voices in his head calling him a heartless, cold-blooded murderer. “There’s only two dozen of us in the class, hyung.”
“He’s really into you,” Felix is telling Minho encouragingly. Felix’s encouragement has been genuine from the get go.
Minho looks at Jisung, and suddenly Jisung goes from pinched tension to a shaky laugh.
“Ah, jagiya,” he says, slumping back in his seat and putting a hand over his heart. “I thought I was your boyfriend? Why do you need a new one?”
Minho’s eyes scrunch up in a grin, and there it is: his ‘I’m in love with my best friend’ face, so fond and so hopeless.
“Don’t listen to him,” Hyunjin hears himself say, shooting Jisung a glare. Hyunjin is at least self-aware of his own occasional manipulative ways, but the way Jisung does it is inherent and oblivious, and it messes with Minho’s feelings. Hyunjin hits Minho with the bambi-round eyes. “This could be real, you should give him a chance.”
Jisung whines. “Hyung—" but Seungmin finally manages to get his attention again, and Felix takes the opportunity to pull Minho’s focus again. Hyunjin glances at Changbin, who has been uncharacteristically quiet tonight, and feels a curl of satisfaction when he catches him staring down Hyunjin’s low-cut shirt. Changbin’s silence is usually proof of his affectation, because he can’t ogle Hyunjin and speak at the same time (he can never do two things at once) and—sure enough, as Hyunjin watches, Changbin rewards him with a slow blink and a dopey, faraway look.
It doesn’t help assuage Hyunjin’s guilt, but it sure does feel good.
“Hyung,” Felix is saying, sweet and reasonable. “What’s the harm? Give it a chance and then don’t call him again if it doesn’t work out.”
“I teach his class,” Minho points out, eyebrows raised. “I’d have to see him again.”
“Only for another four months! And you’ll barely see him after the showcase, so really it’s two months away.” Felix puts a little hand on Minho’s generous bicep. “If he does pluck up the courage to ask you, you’ll say yes, right?”
“Say yes to what?” Jisung rasps, loudly, and the conversation derails again from there, but concludes with Minho not closing that door, surprisingly.
It might even be good for him. Hyunjin may have done him a favor, even.
*
Karma gets him that night, though. Perhaps the crime was too egregious to ignore.
Later that evening, once the remaining members have stumbled to a noraebang (Seungmin and Jeongin called it an early night), Jisung ends up wasted and in Minho’s lap, moving stiltedly like he’s trying to merge them together or at least rub one off on Minho’s thigh.
Hyunjin sees Minho’s pained face and feels vindicated in his plan to help him move on from this messy situation… until it becomes apparent that they have to get Jisung home, and saintly Changbin volunteers his muscles, as always.
“There, there, Jisung…”
“Changbin-hyung, wait—” Jisung whines, even as Changbin is pulling up him to a stand like he weighs nothing. Jisung’s little, but he’s got some bulk to his shoulders, arms and upper chest, except Changbin makes it look like he’s stuffed with feathers.
“Let’s get you home, Jisungie,” Changbin sighs, wrapping an arm around Jisung’s waist. Hyunjin’s verse is coming up in the song duet him and Felix chose, but he forgets the tune as he watches Changbin drag Jisung along. “I’ll take you home, come on.”
He forgets to pull the microphone away, as well, when he speaks. “Come back after you drop him off, Changbin-hyung.”
It comes out loud, echoing in the small room, the multicolor swirling lights. The background music sounds ugly, chaotic—why did they even pick this stupid song?
“Might have to stay and make sure he’s okay,” Changbin sighs. “I’ll text you.”
And they are gone, leaving only three behind. Felix is moping about missing Chan, and Minho is clearly going through something, so Hyunjin is the one who checks them out and pays, then makes sure everyone has plans on how to get safely home (in Felix’s case, Hyunjin is the one who delivers him to his bed, what with them living together and all).
He hears the universe loud and clear that night, though; you can push your luck, but overstep and you may have to deal with the consequences. Less time with Changbin is worse than a slap of the wrist, and Hyunjin swallows his disappointment and takes note.
*
Him and Felix had initially intended to host his chill birthday gathering at their apartment, where most of the hosting happens due to space and distance within the group (Chan has the biggest place but lives too far away). Unfortunately, their ancient sink breaks just three days before the event, and building staff are unable to fix it in time. They wash their dishes in their tiny bathroom, but eight people, multiple courses and a cake stand won’t do. Plus a puddle keeps reaccumulating on their kitchen floor, and Felix already slipped on it once.
we could ask Jisung
or Seungmin?
their studios are smaller
but at least
they live close-by
only 8 of us
right?
But Hyunjin has a different idea, and he tells Felix so. He gets immediate support, as always, from his precious Lixie.
“Can you host my birthday party at your place?”
Changbin blinks at him through the screen. Hyunjin caught him at the gym, which is a statistical probability at any time of the day, but he’s surprised he answered it as a video call. Usually Changbin rejects the video request and switches to his headphone audio, not that Hyunjin is complaining. This allows him to peek at the sweat in Changbin’s hair, which is an unstyled mop of loose curls right now, as well as get an eyeful of his delts in full pump. Reminds Hyunjin that he hasn’t gotten a full pump in a while—
“Sure,” Changbin says right away, because he’s actually lovely and the best except for when he’s making Hyunjin want to crawl out of his skin and fight him. “…Why?”
He sighs, injecting some drama into it. “Felix and I are about to be put out on the street, our apartment is uninhabitable.”
A worried frown creases Changbin’s brow, and he brings the phone a bit closer to his face. “Wait, really? Do you need a place to stay?”
Hyunjin’s refusal clogs in his throat for a second, staring at the little concerned Changbin panting on his screen. He knows he can’t, and won’t, take him up on his offer, but for a second the desire is so powerful that he can’t speak the word ‘no’ into existence—instead he concocts a bunch of toxic schemes that drag Felix down to his level, convincing him to lie to Changbin about the situation being much worse than it is or hell, making the situation worse than it is himself (how hard must it be to wreck a pipe badly enough that an entire apartment floods? Just a little?) so they can hole up at Changbin’s nice one-bedroom and be around him all the time.
“H-hyung, I was exaggerating,” he admits, sheepish. His face feels hot. “We just don’t have a working kitchen sink, and the timing of the repairs is unpredictable.”
“Oh.” Changbin smiles with relief, and Hyunjin wants to pinch his cheeks the way he does to Jisung. Harder, even. “Okay, then. Of course we can do your birthday at mine, Hyunjinnie. Anything for my beautiful wife.”
Hyunjin chokes on his spit, faking a cough to cover it up. Changbin calls him his ‘wife’ every once in a while, but usually when there’s someone around for the joke to provoke a laugh. “If I’m your wife, where’s my ring?” he counters, hoping the phone audio conceals his breathiness.
Changbin immediately plays along. “What do you want, darling? A diamond? A ruby? Sapphires?”
Hyunjin fakes offense. “Why not all of them? Am I not beautiful enough to deserve multiple jewels?”
“O-of course you are!” But he’s laughing. He’s laughing, because they are kidding around. “I’ll get you all of them! Emeralds, too!”
“Good.” He sniffs, not letting his smile show.
“But for now, I guess you can tell the others your birthday party will be at mine.”
“Hah. Okay. Th-thank you, hyung.”
“You’re welcome.”
Hyunjin lets him get back to what he was doing, sighing when Changbin is out of view.
He hopes, selfishly, that the universe will reward that honestly somehow. He could have been way more evil.
*
Chan brings fancy soju and Hyunjin is turning twenty-four, so he figures he can be excused for getting a bit drunk. Not as drunk as darling Felix, but perhaps… second-most. The kids start up a surprisingly on-key happy birthday song rendition (led by Jisung) and when the intricately baked, beautifully decorated cake gets placed in front of him he can’t even care that the candles are unlit because they forgot. He recognizes a distinctive swirl in the icing and feels his eyes water, looking up at Felix.
“You made this for me?” he asks him. He must have risked the puddle again and baked it in their oven while Hyunjin was in class all day.
“It’s strawberry and vanilla,” Felix responds, smiling. He tries to light the candles but almost lights his sleeve on fire instead, if not for Chan’s quick-thinking and quicker movements. Felix looks up at him and sighs, lashes fluttering, admiring and in love. “My hero!”
Chan blushes, and Hyunjin closes his eyes and wishes for his best friend to get everything that he wants as he blows the candles out.
The rest of the evening gets a little bit… sloppier. Jisung ends up drunk in Minho’s lap again, front-to-back this time, and dear Felix ends up draped over Chan and groping him idly. Jeongin is lounging on a floor pillow. Seungmin sits between Hyunjin and Changbin, not causing trouble by goading Changbin for once, or so Hyunjin thinks until Seungmin points at Felix and Chan’s tangle of limbs and says: “Felix is hogging the old man’s affection again,” and starts trouble of a different kind.
Jeongin scowls, as he tends to do when Seungmin pays attention to other people.
“Are you saying you want to cuddle Chan-hyung?” he asks. His possessiveness of Seungmin has always struck Hyunjin as something akin to ownership. Their dynamic is very interesting actually, Hyunjin often wonders—
“Who wouldn’t?” Changbin answers.
Suddenly his attention snaps back to the situation at hand.
“He’s so buff and he runs hot, he’s perfect for cuddling,” Changbin adds, like he’s stating the obvious. Like he knows.
“Do you cuddle him on the regular?” Hyunjin hears himself ask. “How would you know?”
“Chan and I used to live one door away from each other in the dorms,” Changbin responds, and has the fucking gall to look innocent and confused. “You know this. We’d go to each other’s rooms all the time.”
“To cuddle?”
“To study! The cuddling happened after, sometimes.”
The bottom drops out from Hyunjin’s metaphorical floor. The image of Changbin and Chan… beautiful, talented, fellow musician Chan…
“I’ve cuddled Chan-hyung too,” Minho pipes up. “I agree with Changbin-ah, he’s warm and pillowy.”
That prompts Jisung to say something, and Hyunjin’s fury just keeps ratcheting up higher and higher as the conversation sprawls and loses focus, accusations being flung left and right (like him playfully trying to kiss Jeongin is the same thing at all) and a debate on what kind of gesture is more intimate rises up.
“To be clear, cuddling can totally be more intimate than kissing,” Changbin says loudly. “What’s a peck on the cheek compared to full body contact?”
Hyunjin, who agrees with him, finally seizes his chance to redirect this stupid convo.
“So then my point stands!” He leans across Seungmin on the couch to poke Changbin in the chest with an accusing finger, which causes Seungmin to get up and go pull up a floor pillow next to Jeongin. Hyunjin is undeterred. “What is up with you cuddling Chan-hyung on the regular!”
“It wasn’t on the regular, it was once in a while in our rooms, if we fell asleep—”
What the fuck. “You slept together?”
Changbin’s shoulders are defensive. “It was just sleeping, Hyunjin-ah!”
Hyunjin scoots forward to get closer and shout at him more efficiently. His blood is singing.
“You wanna talk about the intimacy of sleeping with someone? That’s as intimate as it gets!”
“Sleeping next to someone can be platonic!” Changbin shouts. “What’s so bad about that?”
“None of this sounds platonic!”
“But I’m telling you it was!” He leans towards Hyunjin too. “Don’t you and Felix cuddle all the time? What are you saying, huh?”
“That’s different!”
“How is that different?”
And on and on they go, the tension coiling, building yet again, Hyunjin’s nerves sparking and spitting and the desire to just… unleash all of this, if he could just—release it all at once, let it finally explode...
But it doesn’t. It never does.
*
“God, look at those two.”
It’s later that Jeongin’s voice brings him out of the trance-like state he gets in when him and Changbin really get one going, and Hyunjin registers that both Chan and Felix are gone, and the situation with Jisung and Minho has… devolved. To the point of requiring intervention, yet again, and Jisung needing to be escorted home.
He had thought (naively, it turns out) that them all being in Changbin’s apartment meant that Changbin wouldn’t volunteer himself to take Jisung home again, but he just has to be a hero and do so.
Seungmin leaves with them since he’s practically Jisung’s neighbor, but he does not have the upper body strength to carry Jisung on his own, so it’s the three of them that head out, and Jeongin, Minho and Hyunjin that are left behind.
They silently start to clean up and that’s how Hyunjin finds out that Felix didn’t actually leave, thankfully. He just went to Changbin’s room to take a nap. Once the worst of the trashing and cleaning is done (Changbin has a dishwasher, because his family is filthy rich) Hyunjin hugs his friends goodbye and tiptoes his way to check on Felix.
Felix is a sad little lump on Changbin’s large bed, curled up on his side and, it turns out, not asleep.
He’s crying.
“Lixiiie…” Hyunjin croons, sitting by him and brushing his dyed blond hair out of his face. “Babe, what’s wrong?”
“I…” he gulps, fat drunken tears wetting his face. “I fucked up… I wan’ him so much… but I… must’ve… gone too far… h-he left…”
Hyunjin pets him and caresses him and thinks distantly of intimacy, and of how irrational he was being earlier—of course platonic intimacy is beautiful. Changbin just makes him crazy.
“Do you wanna cuddle, Lixie?”
Felix nods, a blubbering wordless mess, and Hyunjin is on his way to situating himself behind him when Felix shakes his head, pushing him to stay in front of him. “I wanna be big spoon,” he mumbles, and grabs Hyunjin in a tight hold. He does love clinging and manhandling others, their Felix does, and it’s not like Hyunjin can offer him a body pillow in his stead.
He resigns himself to his fate with a soft smile.
*
Changbin comes back about an hour after that, at which point Felix has actually fallen asleep. Hyunjin wriggles out of his embrace as soon as he hears the beeps of the door code, not wanting to scare him.
“Hyung.”
Changbin startles a little, anyway.
“Oh. Hey.” He smiles when he sees Hyunjin, even though the last time they addressed each other they were yelling. They have both gotten very good at this, but Changbin has always been better at it than Hyunjin.
Changbin is better than Hyunjin in every way.
“It was so quiet, I thought you’d all left.”
“Lixie cried himself to sleep on your bed. Sorry.” He bites his lip. “There’s… a snot and tears wet patch on your pillow, I’m pretty sure.”
Changbin wrinkles his nose cutely, but is obviously not upset with Felix. “Awh. Is it about Chan?”
Hyunjin sighs. They have talked about this before. “…Yeah. Did you see what happened on the small couch? I missed it.”
“I… missed it too.” They were too absorbed in their argument. It hangs in the air unsaid.
Hyunjin hesitates for a moment, not sure what comes next. He doesn’t want to leave Felix, but he also doesn’t want to wake him up after he finally calmed down a little.
“Do you… want to stay? Both of you.” Changbin clears his throat. “You can share my bed with him and I’ll take the couch.”
“No way, this is your apartment.” It costs him way more than he would ever admit, to add: “Y-you share with him.”
Don’t, he thinks. Don’t, though.
“And relegate you to the couch on your birthday? No way.” Changbin snorts, walking over to a closet in the corner of the living room and leaning on his tip-toes to reach the bottom of a very large box that is definitely too high for him to pull without a footstool or something. Hyunjin starts walking towards him, fondly skeptical. “I-I’ll get some blankets, and I—shit!”
Hyunjin lunges forward just in time for the box not to fall right on Changbin’s head.
He ends up plastered to Changbin’s back, arms reaching up above him to hold the box. It’s heavy, probably full of linens, and when Changbin turns startled-wide eyes up to him Hyunjin nearly fucks everything up and tosses it on the ground to spin him around and kiss him senseless.
He doesn’t though. He doesn’t kiss him.
He has gotten very good at not kissing Changbin over the years.
“Thanks,” Changbin says, a small smile on his small mouth. “You saved me.”
Hyunjin sets the box down on the floor and opens it, blindly sorting through unfamiliar bedding like he has any idea what he’s doing. “I can deal with one sad drunk or a concussed one, but not both,” he grumbles.
“Hyunjin-ah, just admit you’re as dashingly brave as you are handsome!” Changbin hits his shoulder (ow) and drops to his knees next to him, stopping his useless movements. “And marry me already!”
Hyunjin’s stubborn lips keep quirking into grins he hasn’t authorized. “Shut up,” he snorts.
Changbin takes a blanket and a couple of pillow covers out. “No.” He moves over to the couches, starting to make up the smaller one.
“Why are you doing that? I’m tall, I need the large one.”
Changbin nods. “I’ll take the small one, you take the big one, and we let Lixie get some good sleep?” He glances at Hyunjin, still so sweet, and Hyunjin’s shoulders sag in defeat, and maybe some relief, too. “Living room slumber party?”
“Hah. Okay.”
He smiles, something small, but Changbin sees it and beams at him.
*
With the showcase only a few weeks away, the dance practice schedule starts ramping up. Hyunjin hates to admit that he’s neglecting other classes, but he is, because he already has a plan for next year. Two companies are fighting over him right now, and he’s hoping that will lead to a better contract starting in the fall, so his incentive to ace art history is purely out of personal interest instead of need.
That said, he still makes time for his friends, and especially his dearest, loveliest roommate, who is panicking because Chan is ghosting the group.
In the days following Hyunjin’s birthday, Chan suddenly stops responding in the chat and doesn’t come to any of their hangouts. That includes dinners, bar hangouts, post-dance-practice catch-ups… he sort of disappears.
Felix is a tearful mess at home, clinging to Hyunjin even moreso than usual, and certain that he came onto Chan in some sort of obvious way that he can’t take back, except he can’t remember. When they do meet up with the others, Hyunjin doesn’t leave his side; like tonight, as five of them eat dinner at the campus noodle place without Chan, who is over a week into his weird isolation shtick, and without Jisung or Minho, who are having a movie night (date, it’s a date).
“No, I can understand why the person might be uncomfortable—” Changbin is passionately saying. “It gives them cramps and stuff and it hurts, of course sex might not be appealing in that state! I’m just saying, it kills me when they think it will make me uncomfortable, because it doesn’t.”
“Periods sound like a nightmare, though,” Felix says with big, sad eyes. It’s unclear whether he’s feeling sad for people who have periods or sad in general.
“But doesn’t coming help with cramps?” Jeongin asks. “Nini told me that once.”
“Who is Nini?” Seungmin cuts in.
Hyunjin has to roll his eyes. “Girl in my dance class, she’s Jeongin’s year.” He turns back to Changbin. “Are you seriously thinking any of us would be against period sex?”
“There’s only three people in our friend group who sleep with cis women,” Changbin responds. “I am educating the rest of you.”
“Sounded like you were having an argument with nobody.”
“I’m—I’m not arguing!”
Kindling sparks in Hyunjin’s stomach, and he leans forward in his seat, noting Changbin’s swallow when the collar of his shirt slides down one shoulder. He’s never wearing a turtleneck again. “Now you’re shouting.”
“You’re trying to get me to shout!” Changbin lowers his voice dramatically. “You’re the one trying to start a fight.”
Yeah, he is. “No I’m not.”
“Hyunjin-ah! What did I even do this time?”
“Be pretentious.”
“Talking about period-sex is pretentious?”
“Assuming we’d be against it because some of us don’t sleep with women is.”
“Are you calling me homophobic?”
There’s a loud scrape of chairs and suddenly Hyunjin sees the others getting up, gathering their things to call it a night.
He has to scramble to follow after Felix, knowing he can’t leave his injured baby-bird alone, but he feels a little bit like he was just edged without a payoff.
A lot of his arguments with Changbin feel like that, if he’s honest.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, as him and Felix start to walk home. Jeongin headed to the dorms and they waved half-hearted goodbyes at the others; all he got from Changbin was a parting nod. “He makes me crazy.”
“I know, Jinnie,” Felix smiles, and looks sincerely diverted. Maybe Hyunjin’s antics distracted him, at least. “I think you make him crazy, too.”
It is true, that Hyunjin seems to have a special way of riling Changbin up that the others don’t—even Seungmin. Changbin is normally the calm in the storm; the emotional center, a beating, steady heart at the core of their group, and Hyunjin is peripherally aware of the others going to him for advice and counsel, because he’s that great at it. It’s just, with Hyunjin, it never… they never seem to… it’s never stable enough for them to do that routinely. They cycle through periods of improvement, where Hyunjin will think they’ve matured past this dynamic they fall into, and then… something will happen, like Changbin dating Chaeryeong’s sister for less than a month, and Hyunjin will lose it, which makes Changbin lose it, and they are back at it again.
“I don’t make him crazy like he makes me crazy,” Hyunjin mutters. He may be bad at introspection, but he knows where his crazy comes from. Sort of. More or less. Changbin wants his body, but he doesn’t… feel crazy about Hyunjin in the same way.
“Hm.” Felix wraps his arms around Hyunjin’s bicep, hanging off it and groping it a little. “I think I disagree.”
He shakes his head. “Changbin is too stable for crazy. He’s too self-aware and, like, emotionally intelligent.”
Still, Felix looks unconvinced, but at this point he knows better than to bring up their old argument. The closest Felix and Hyunjin have ever gotten to a fight (and it wasn’t all that close) was their ongoing conversation about whether Hyunjin should ask Changbin out, which is never going to happen, no matter what Felix says.
“Can we stop by the GS25 for something sweet before going home?” Felix asks him instead, employing his beseeching eyes even though it’s an overkill move, since Hyunjin is already predisposed to do whatever he asks.
“Of course we can, Lixie.”
*
The following day, Myung pointedly lingers after dance class is over, and Hyunjin and Felix wish him good luck on their way out, and then a couple of days after that he tells them that Minho agreed to go on a date with him.
The biggest surprise, to Hyunjin, is the fact that they go on date number two a week later. Date number two is not something Lee Minho is known for.
Maybe he really is trying to move on from Jisung.
Myung seems genuinely excited about it when he catches up with Hyunjin and Felix during another stretch warm-up, and Hyunjin swallows down a sour, conflicted feeling and congratulates him on his rare accomplishment.
He texts Jisung after class ends, asking Jisung to come early to his and Felix’s apartment on Saturday in order to help them set up for another group dinner. They had offered to host and cook (or, start cooking and let Minho finish) because Chan often pays when they go out to eat at restaurants and his absence has been noted in everyone’s hearts and also everyone’s wallets.
Jisung agrees to show up right away, sweet and ready to help them, and Hyunjin’s unease doubles. He knows he can’t do anything about the chain of events he helped kick-start, and anyway Jisung is still insisting that he’s straight, but he wants to see if there’s anything he can do to help remedy his own mistake. Or ameliorate it, at least, and subtly check in on Jisung to make sure he’s doing okay. He’s not even doing it for karma points, he just… genuinely feels bad. Really.
Alas, it turns out to be less than productive.
Jisung starts off the afternoon rambling about Myung right away, and it sounds like he has definitely stalked the guy online. He’s not being mean per se but he is definitely implying negative stuff about his looks, and that puts Hyunjin in a less than patient and understanding mood. Plus Myung does sort of look like Jisung, so it’s like Jisung is putting down two of Hyunjin’s friends when he says that.
“I just don’t get it,” Jisung reiterates.
The urge to roll his eyes is powerful. “You’re not supposed to get it, Jisung. You’re straight.”
“Yeah, but I can still tell when a guy is attractive!”
“Myung is fuckable,” Hyunjin says, trying to get it through Jisung’s thick skull. He wonders if Jisung even sees the similarities between himself and Minho’s date—he wonders if Jisung has gotten fucked before, pegged before, if the women he sleeps with see this quality in him, too. “And Minho loves a fuckable twink.”
“Great, then he should drill Myung into the mattress and then not see him ever again.”
“Minho deserves to have a partner,” Felix says, gently, from the kitchen (which is now devoid of puddles). “Not just random hookups. He deserves someone stable and good for him. A relationship.”
“O-of course he does! I want that for him, too. This guy is just so... bleh.” Jisung throws the chopsticks down on the table in a loud clatter. “And I can tell when a guy is fuckable,” he adds, petulantly.
Hyunjin looks back at Felix, whose eyes say I know. He reminds himself, again, that he is not allowed to shove Jisung out of his own closet.
“What?”
He purses his lips, sees Jisung’s eyes flicker down to his mouth. “Most straight guys wouldn’t say that, I think.”
“Huh?” Jisung blinks, then seems to shake himself. “Oh. Yeah, well, I’m comfortable with my sexuality, unlike most straight guys.”
Hyunjin looks at Felix again, wanting to scream.
Then Jisung adds: “In case you haven’t noticed Hyunjin, all my friends are gay.”
“Mhm.” He nods, putting glasses down on the table with controlled force. “Oh I noticed.”
“Hyunjinie—” Felix starts warningly, but Hyunjin zips his lips shut and officially gives up, letting Felix take over the rest of the conversation. It feels like they are consoling Jisung over nothing, and he’s lost as to what is the best thing to do for his friend at this point. Yes, in theory, the best thing would have been to go back to that dance practice a few weeks ago and not suggest that Myung ask Minho out, but time-travel isn’t within Hyunjin’s skillset.
For now, he has to support Minho’s new relationship until Jisung snaps. He has no idea if Jisung actually will, yet. The kid’s affinity for denial is reaching some truly epic heights.
*
“He’s cute.”
Hyunjin’s heart stops.
“I agree,” Minho says, sipping his beer. “That’s why I agreed to go on a date with him.”
Changbin chuckles, and Hyunjin tries to school his features into something detached. Something aloof. “Two dates going on three, no?” Changbin says, wriggling his eyebrows stupidly.
Minho nods with a small smile, and shrugs.
Jisung’s not here yet—it’s just the three of them at the campus bar right now, Jeongin and Felix are on their way, and Jisung will join them later because he was finishing up some coursework. Seungmin had plans (Hyunjin has no idea with who, it’s not like he has other friends outside of their group) and Chan, of course, is still avoiding everyone.
It’s been three weeks since Hyunjin’s birthday, and the cute couch sleepover moment they had, and Changbin just said that he finds Myung cute in front of Hyunjin like it was nothing. He’s such a flake. Such a flirt. That old mean, bitter insult comes back to Hyunjin as he stares at Changbin and wonders what on Earth compelled him to compliment the person Minho is dating right now. Such a slut. It’s not an insult. It shouldn’t be. But Changbin is so fucking free with his attention—one minute he’s calling Hyunjin ‘dashingly brave’ and ‘handsome’ and asking to marry him, and then the next he’s throwing compliments at some other guy who is not even here.
“Can I invite him?” he hears himself ask Minho.
“Who?”
“Myung. He asked to hang out with the group.” This is even true, as of dance practice two days ago. Hyunjin had told him to wait for the invite to come from Minho first, instead of asking him for it. “He’s free tonight, I think.”
“Oh.” Minho blushes a bit, but Hyunjin suspects it’s for the wrong reasons. “Sure, yeah. You can… he’s your friend. Of course you can invite him.”
Changbin is looking at him like he’s trying to read his mind (he’s going to fail, he always fucks this part up with Hynjin) and is ignored as Hyunjin takes out his phone to text Myung with shaky fingers.
By the time Felix and Jeongin arrive, Myung has enthusiastically accepted the invite, and by the time Jisung makes it, Myung is already there, sitting next to Minho.
Hyunjin figured it would be bad. He had underestimated just… how bad.
Jisung is a disaster. He looks particularly hot and fuckable tonight, to be fair, but having to share Minho’s focus seems to be making him insane, and Myung’s presence has him acting like a deranged, possessive, jealous mess. Hyunjin even takes it upon himself to distract everyone by announcing Minho’s contract renewal (which Minho was never going to tell the others about), but the brief celebratory round of drinks gets turned awkward by Jisung, once again, fucking up and calling Minho jagiya in front of his date.
Myung weathers it as well as he can but ends up leaving pretty early, and Jisung takes the chance to snuggle up to Minho’s side the second he’s gone. Changbin and Myung barely exchanged two words with each other, and there was no opportunity for Changbin to propose to Hyunjin in public again, so that—the whole evening got derailed by Jisung’s antics.
Hyunjin wonders how karma will get him this time.
“I’m gonna head back,” Felix mumbles, standing. “Wanna go for a run tomorrow morning before class.” He pats Hyunjin’s shoulder and blows Jisung a kiss, which Jisung happily catches with his head on Minho’s shoulder.
“I’m gonna leave too,” Jeongin says. He’s been pretty quiet tonight, moreso than usual in the absence of his partner in crime.
“Where’s Seungmin?” Hyunjin thinks to ask him, since they never got an explanation for Seungmin’s absence and Jeongin, out of anyone, should know.
“Home, I think.” Jeongin frowns. “Studying.”
Seungmin is usually so on top of his studies that he doesn’t need to pull night-study sessions. Maybe Hyunjin should check on him? That’s not normal.
“Huh.”
Jeongin’s frown gets more pronounced. “I’m gonna text him.” He seems deep in thought as he leaves.
Hyunjin turns to Changbin, who is now the only person remaining on his side of the table, since Minho-and-Jisung are like a single entity on the bench of the booth across them.
“What was that about, do you think?” he asks him, distracted from his own failures by this new development.
“Jeongin?” Changbin confirms.
“Yeah. And Seungmin, I guess.”
“I’m not sure.” Changbin lowers his voice as though there’s any chance the other two might pay enough attention to overhear them.
"Should we be worried?" he asks. He means it, too; Seungmin always seems so self-possessed and self-sufficient, and yeah Hyunjin wants to strangle him whenever he's all over Changbin (Seungmin would probably like that, the little masochist), but he still loves him deeply. He wants him to be okay.
"Sounds like Jeongin is gonna check on him," Changbin says. "I trust that Seungmin would seek out help if things are truly bad."
Hyunjin nods, trusting his judgement. "Hopefully our Iyennie can kiss it better, whatever it is."
Changbin snorts. “Do you really think they have something going on?”
Hyunjin uses the excuse to lean into him further, hoping the neck of his shirt is showing off enough collarbone. “Maybe. Seungmin hasn’t gone on a single date in two years, and I know his ex sucked, but I think there’s more to it.”
Changbin nods, thoughtful. “I agree. I feel like he has no interest in anyone who isn’t Jeongin.”
“Right!” Hyunjin risks it and leans even closer, and—bingo, Changbin’s gaze drifts down. “And Jeongin sticks to him all the time.” He remembers going to the Hyundai shopping mall with them a couple of months ago, suddenly. Seungmin and Jeongin had been off in their own little world, as they are wont to be, but during the car ride back to campus Jeongin had put his hand on Seungmin’s thigh and spent most of the drive that way. “He likes Seungmin back. I’m sure of it.”
He retells the scene to Changbin, who listens intently, and the thing about Changbin and Hyunjin is that, sometimes, they can be like this. Hyunjin never forgets that they are friends, but he does sometimes need reminding of how well they mesh when they want to; of how much he loves and respects Changbin as a person, of how well they can get along.
He supposes Jisung owed him some (unknowing) retaliation, because unfortunately their convo gets interrupted when Changbin notices what the other two are doing.
Jisung had started to drool on Minho’s shoulder, while awake, and is palming a region of his upper thigh that is dangerously close to his crotch. He looks flushed and, frankly, more turned on than drunk at this point. Minho looks like he’s clenching his jaw hard enough to break it, but of course he’s never push his Sungie away.
“Fuck, shit,” Changbin swears under his breath, and then, loudly: “Time to go home? Jisungie? Shall I take you home?”
“I-It’s three blocks from here, hyung, I can walk,” Jisung slurs, wiping his face with the back of his hand.
“I’ll walk you.”
But Jisung shakes his head, getting up and quickly shuffling out from his seat. To Hyunjin’s surprise, he puts his finger on the tip of his nose and stands on one knee, and he doesn’t waver. Then he walks several steps with a perfectly even gait, and Hyunjin ends up clapping at the accomplishment. To have a face that red and a step that steady must mean Jisung is in a pretty bad state. Hopefully a state that leads to an inner epiphany about his sexuality that is several years overdue.
“Bye, Sungie,” Minho calls after him, watching him go until the door of the bar has closed behind him.
Then he watches the door of the bar for a while, and Hyunjin turns to Changbin to exchange a look, but Changbin is watching Minho with sad, thoughtful eyes. Changbin is such a good friend. Hyunjin knows he feels responsible for Minho, kind of how Minho feels responsible for Chan, but Changbin also feels responsible for Chan—he even went to his apartment a couple of days ago to make sure he was still eating and sleeping somewhat.
Changbin feels responsible for everyone.
“Hyung,” Hyunjin calls, softly.
Changbin turns to look at him, and Hyunjin leans close, closer to him even than before, to whisper in his ear. He notes Changbin tensing, but that’s probably just because Hyunjin never initiates this kind of closeness between them unless he can play it off as an accident.
“You can’t fix this one.”
Changbin looks surprised, blinking up at him. “I. But I.”
Hyunjin shakes his head firmly. “You have to let them figure it out. They aren’t as emotionally intelligent as you, okay?”
“Was… that a compliment?” Changbin puts a hand to his chest, and the serious mood vanishes as Hyunjin feels a smile curl his lips. “Did the most beautiful man in the world just give me a compliment?”
He used to love it when Changbin called him that, but then he heard him say it about Felix once, so now he just ducks his head to hide a stupid blush. “Psh. I didn’t call you beautiful, I called you smart.” He is, though. He is both. Hyunjin just can't—
“Still counts! Are you finally ready to declare your love for me, Hyunjin-ah? You know my priest is ready to officiate whenever, I have the wedding venue picked out…”
Hyunjin barks out a laugh, leaning away to shake his head at him. “You’re so full of shit!”
“I’m not!” Changbin is laughing too, because it’s a joke. It’s always a fucking joke. “I’m serious! Marry me, Hyunjin-ah!”
“You need to stop proposing to him in bars,” Minho weighs in, suddenly back in the land of the living.
“Exactly! D-don’t you think I deserve more than that?” He hates how his voice wavers as he asks the question. He'll have to be more careful next time.
Changbin’s smirking. “You’re so right baby, you are out-of-this-world beautiful; I’m going to rent out a stadium and fill it with roses first.”
Hyunjin, in spite of himself, giggle-laughs again. Changbin is so stupid. He reminds himself, again, that he does this for others too, to varying degrees. Hyunjin’s not special.
“Or would you prefer a banner in the sky? I can arrange that too.”
He swallows down his feelings and arches an eyebrow, careful to modulate his tone to something flat and unaffected. “Why not both? If you think I’m so beautiful.”
“I do!” Changbin nods furiously. “You’re right, I’ll do both. More! I’ll do anything.”
“Anything?”
The same feeling he gets when they argue flutters at his pulse-points; a hot thrum. His face feels warm.
“Anything,” Changbin swears, still with that gleam in his eye. “Just give me a couple of years, gorgeous—when I’m a famous producer I’ll make my fans celebrate your birthday like it’s a national event, and I’ll be known for always thanking you in my award acceptance speeches instead of God or any company I work for.”
Hyunjin’s heart starts thumping faster. He should control his features. Control his flush, as if that’s possible—he can’t breathe. He’s suffocating on his own bloodstream.
“Would you like that, Hyunjinnie?”
He tries to scoff, to pretend he’s not affected, but isn’t sure how convincing the delivery is.
Changbin bites the bait anyway. “More?” he asks, beaming at the challenge. “Fine, I’m going to fly you first class to any art show in the world you want to see.” He sounds so certain. “I’m going to rent out penthouse suites for you to stay in, get the best chefs in the world to cook your meals, buy you any clothes you want, any shoes you want, for ever.”
He squares his huge, broad shoulders like he’s preparing to soldier all these efforts and the weight of Hyunjin’s imaginary shopping bags in his arms.
“I’m going to buy us a house with a massive art room just for you, and there will be a dance studio built exactly to your liking. I’ll produce from home so I can always be near you,” he lowers his voice, and Hyunjin almost makes a noise, an audible manifestation of his distress. “I’m always going to want to be near you, of course."
"O-of co—"
"I’ll hide romantic messages in my songs for you, and make the track titles of my first album an acrostic poem of your name.”
Hyunjin inhales in a gasp, unable to stop himself.
“Just… the first one?” he whispers, and his voice trembles again. Stupid. That wasn’t cool. That wasn’t unaffected and chill and offhand and—
“All of them,” Changbin corrects immediately. “You’re right, I’m going to do it every time, it’ll be my signature move.”
“You do that, Binnie,” a voice says to Hyunjin’s left, and he startles out of their bubble with an ear-ringing ‘pop’.
Minho is still there, and he’s turning to grab his light jacket, stretching his arms above his head with an old-man groan. “I’m gonna go home, guys.”
He’s about to stand, but Hyunjin beats him to it.
“Me too!” he blurts, leaping to his feet with a scrape of the chair.
His face is probably hectic-red and he doesn’t want Changbin—anyone to see. He works so hard on not letting any of his reactions show, and right now he is failing. Plus this way he leaves him wanting more, and not—anyway. He needs to leave now.
“I-I’ll see you next week, bye.”
And he rushes out first, knowing Changbin will pay for his drinks.