Chapter Text
- Story Start –
You are really pitiful. You are the loneliest person in the world.
Li Lun regains consciousness with the unwelcome echo of Zhuo Yichen’s voice in his mind. Opening his eyes, he takes in his surroundings, wondering why the cavern-like space and dark rock walls look so familiar.
He’s at Kunlun Mountain temple, he realises. He had made his way here, slowly and painfully, wanting to die in the Wilderness like an animal. At the footsteps of the temple, he had encountered Ying Zhao’s grandson and that female human general. It’s annoying how the two of them persist in calling him Bai Jiu.
They can’t have forgotten that he has possessed the boy’s body for some time already?
Ao Yin. She was there too.
Li Lun’s body – fine, borrowed body – feels light and free of pain, but his heart clenches in his chest. Silly, silly girl, absorbing the poison from him like that.
Where had she learned that trick?
He would’ve stopped her if he’d known her intention, but she was too quick. She had died in his arms just as quickly.
Had she run herself ragged all this while, looking for a way to cure him?
How ironic that she’d succeeded in the end, but at the cost of her own life. So silly and so much more loyal than Li Lun deserved.
Ao Yin, I promised not to forget you so I won’t. Maybe one day we’ll meet again.
Squashing his sorrow deep inside him, he sits up and finds his boots, neatly lined up by the bed. He puts them on and leaves the room.
The outer hall is even more familiar to him, with its open space and stone flooring, worn smooth with time. The air is cool and damp, slightly smoky from the numerous lit candles stuck in the walls. More importantly, Zhao Yuanzhou is seated at the stone table beside the river, looking at him. A Go board has been set up on the table, ready to be played.
Li Lun’s skin prickles from déjà vu. How often had he and Zhao Yuanzhou sat there, pitting their skills over this human board game?
Like a moth drawn to flame, he goes over to sit opposite Zhao Yuanzhou whose expression is both soft and open. Li Lun tries a tentative smile and gets one back. Despite all they had gone through, the bitterness and the betrayal, a tiny tendril of hope unfurls in his chest. He starts the game by moving a black stone before activating the Truth Eye. In the past, Zhao Yuanzhou had given it to him so that he could prank others with impunity. Li Lun always uses it in front of Zhao Yuanzhou. He wants Zhao Yuanzhou to see him. Him, Li Lun. Not Bai Jiu or anyone else.
“How long has it been since we played Go so peacefully like we’re doing now?” He keeps his voice low, loathe to break the unexpected peace between them, yet uncomfortable just sitting in silence.
“I don’t remember anymore.” Zhao Yuanzhou’s tone is just as soft, but his words are a slap in the face. Li Lun knows that Zhao Yuanzhou never forgets.
“Indeed,” he says, striving to hide his hurt. “Some things are better forgotten.”
Zhao Yuanzhou continues talking as if he doesn’t hear him.
“Sacrificing a pawn to gain an advantage, advancing step by step with careful strategy. In the end, you only took one piece. Is it meaningful?”
Li Lun doesn’t know who he means.
Ao Yin?
Bai Jiu?
Or one of his previous victims?
It’s annoying.
“As expected, after staying with humans for a long time, you start beating around the bush too,” he sneers.
Zhao Yuanzhou doesn’t rise to the bait, but continues talking. Maybe Li Lun has said one too many jibes about him and humans, and has lost the ability to rile him up.
“Life is like chess. If you were wrong from the start-”
“’Life is like chess’?” Li Lun parrots, even more annoyed. “But I don’t want a human life. You are the one who wants to be human.”
Again, Zhao Yuanzhou doesn’t rise to the bait, but stares at him with those big, sad eyes. Like Li Lun had done him a grievous wrong.
Just who had inflicted the Ever Burning Fire on who?
Li Lun ignores the familiar prickling in his eyes. It’s no use. Whatever they were to each other, it’s broken. Irreparable.
“One of us will lose and the other will win,” he states.
It still doesn’t work. Zhao Yuanzhou looks even sadder and his eyes… are wet.
“We can draw too.”
“Draw?” Li Lun parroted.
“You said it yourself.” Now Zhao Yuanzhou looks heartbroken, like he can’t believe Li Lun had forgotten. A tear rolls down his cheek.
Unbidden, a past memory unfolds in Li Lun’s mind. The two of them play fighting in a busy street, him pitting his rattle drum against that big umbrella.
“We can draw,” he had said then, happy to be with Zhao Yuanzhou on one of their outings to the Human Realm. “I don’t mind being the best with you.”
He had meant it.
“You still have a chance to make up for it,” Zhao Yuanzhou says.
Li Lun’s heart starts to beat faster. Despite all they had done to each other, despite all they had gone through, Zhao Yuanzhou is giving him a chance.
“How?” He asks.
“Leave Bai Jiu’s body and let him live.”
Li Lun’s world crashes down on him at once, heart clenching painfully in his chest. What a fool he was, daring to hope even for a second. Pain and anger flare through him like twin flames, each trying to outdo the other.
“Zhu Yan. Your peace resolution is for me to die? He is your friend. I was your friend too.”
“You still are.” Zhao Yuanzhou brings out a carved wooden box and opens it, holding it out.
Li Lun’s breath catches in his throat when he sees what is inside. His gaze snaps up to Zhao Yuanzhou, thoughts tumbling in confusion inside his mind.
“My pagoda root. You still have it?”
“Of course. You gave me this in return for my Truth Eye. If you transfer yourself to this root, you can gain a new human form after cultivating for a hundred years.”
Again, Li Lun’s eyes flick down to the root and then back up to Zhao Yuanzhou.
“Li Lun, I’ve already lost you twice. Eight years ago and then when you died in front of me. I don’t want to lose you again.” Two more tears roll down Zhao Yuanzhou’s face.
Li Lun swallows hard. His heart is still aching, but it feels… different. Softer.
Each time he appeared in front of Zhao Yuanzhou, he was dismissed.
Each time he reminded Zhao Yuanzhou of their past friendship, his words were brushed aside.
Each time he threatened to kill Zhao Yuanzhou’s friends, Zhao Yuanzhou defended them.
It had galled him to no end, Zhao Yuanzhou always, always putting those weaker things before him.
But Zhao Yuanzhou had apologised when he realised that Li Lun had been suffering the Every Burning Fire for eight years. And he had grieved when Li Lun’s body disintegrated after losing its inner core, believing he had died for real.
Something warm slips down Li Lun’s cheek. He’s tired. He’s so tired of this cat and mouse game, of pretending he doesn’t care, of threatening to kill those weak things, of colluding with Chongwu Camp with their sordid history of researching and killing demons.
He doesn’t want to fight with Zhao Yuanzhou anymore. He never wanted to in the first place.
“Fine. We draw.” He had meant it then, on that busy street in the past. He means it now just as much.
“Thank you.” Zhao Yuanzhou smiles at him.
Li Lun can’t help but soak up that smile, hoarding it inside him and letting it rekindle that tiny flicker of hope.
How long had it been since he’s felt the warmth of that smile?
Then he hears the approaching sound of footsteps and freezes. A group of people enter the chamber behind Zhao Yuanzhou – Zhuo Yichen, Wen Xiao, Ying Lei, Pei Sijing and Bai Yan. All of them solemn faced.
Li Lun’s eyes snap back to Zhao Yuanzhou, hurt and betrayal surging up again.
“Don’t worry, Li Lun,” Zhao Yuanzhou says quickly. “I promise to take care of your root while you cultivate.”
Silence fell as those behind him exchange questioning looks with varying degrees of distrust and reluctance. Then Zhuo Yichen steps up behind Zhao Yuanzhou, hands loose by his sides.
“If he can’t then I will. I promise.”
Another pause and then Wen Xiao goes to stand on Zhao Yuanzhou’s other side.
“And if they both can’t then I will. You have my word.”
The other three remain behind and nod without saying anything. Li Lun’s gaze returns to Zhao Yuanzhou, flanked by the stony faced Zhuo Yichen and the Baize Goddess.
Is this a trap?
He truly has no way of knowing. Putting himself in these people’s hands – people he had derided and fought and scoffed at - while he’s at his most defenseless and vulnerable.
How frightening is that?
“Zhu Yan.” The rest of Li Lun’s words stick in his throat.
“You’ll be fine. I promise,” Zhao Yuanzhou says like he heard them anyway.
Li Lun stares at him. He may be many things, but he has never thought of himself as a coward.
“Very well.”
- Chapter End -