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Joe takes firm steps forward, toward the lake. The anger, the betrayal, the heartbreak, everything washes over him and pulses through his half-naked body. His life is ruined. Fucking Bronte.
Am I not worthy of love? Not Candace, Beck, Love, Marienne, Kate, Bronte, or any other fucker in this awful, awful world? The dark night is freezing, and Joe's bare body is on fire, but he doesn't feel it through the waves of adrenaline. He feels like burning down the house, and burning down the whole world, to forget that his own son hates him. But he keeps going. He is the predator. Bronte is the prey, wounded, gasping, and slowly limping toward the pitch-black surface of that lake. She has a huge wound in her stomach, and a dried trail of blood has run down her leg. She's going to fucking pay for this. It could've been a happy ending, but no, no, like all other fucking women, she's never satisfied. Never grateful that he would slaughter a city for her.
"It was always gonna end this way, wasn't it?" Bronte exclaims.
"No, no, it didn't have to!" Joe roars out. "But you're ungrateful! You're spiteful! I made you special, Bronte, and you're too selfish to know how good you had it!"
"There it is... there it is, Joe!" Bronte grins with contempt in her eyes. "That's the real you. You pathetic misogynist."
Joe has heard enough. He sees so clearly that she has closed her eyes and ears to him. How dare she? He sprints towards her, and she is completely defenseless. He pushes her to the ground and pins her down, with a force born of years of self-loathing and repressed killer instincts. Then their eyes meet again. Joe is so angry, he is literally shaking. His eyes are bloodshot, deranged monsters that hatefully drill into Bronte's bloody face.
"You wanna know how I killed Beck?"
"I'll show you."
Just as Joe is about to sink his claws into her throat, he is paralyzed in shock by footsteps in the grass. His hands loosen their grip and he turns quickly in fear. There stands a certain blonde.
"I'd like to see that!" the voice giggles. A voice he recognizes so well. There walks Guinevere Beck in person.
What the hell? No no no, am I going to start hallucinating right now? I've come to terms with who I am. Is this a divine punishment? Joe is at a loss for words. He looks down at Bronte, who was cold and terrified, but now she instead has a grin on her face and starts laughing.
"April fools!" Bronte chuckles. "Can't believe you fell for it so long." Beck joins in the laughter.
"Man, you should see the look on your face, Joe!" Beck laughs. "We've kept the joke going for, what is it Bronte, six, seven years?"
"What masters we are!" Bronte laughs. Joe is still too shocked to speak.
"Maybe we should explain. Joe, do you remember the date I first stepped foot in Mooney's?"
Joe has that sad look on his face. "Of course. One of the best days of my life. April the first."
"Yeahhh, about that..." Bronte snorts.
"Hi, bunny", a redheaded voice whispers behind him. Joe flinches. Candace???
"No no no... Love... Love took care of you."
"Nah I made it up." says Love, who is standing behind her. Oh my god.
"Love? No no... I poisoned you! And burned you! It was all on the news! There was so much evidence!"
"That's what you think!" says Kate, who emerges from the house. "I'm a Lockwood, love. Manipulating the news and crime scenes is certainly easier than giving kids cancer."
"You fell for it so good!" Beck is practically keeled over in laughter. "You got so mad. You should have seen the look on your face as you strangled me."
"Your reactions were really the best part!" Bronte chimed in. "We all watched you in the woods while you killed Candace. Or thought you killed her at least." She makes a mocking impression of his stoic nonchalant face. "Why, hello you, who are you? My newest sex toy?"
"My favorite part was when Love locked you in the cage with the dead Delilah. Bloody brilliant acting, mate." Kate chimes in. "We watched it from a bunch of hidden cameras. It was hysterical, like an episode of Impractical Jokers. You remember how hard we laughed at the 'ohhh, we're soulmates, Joe' part?"
Love falls to the ground in a fit of laughter. "Oh my god. I could barely hold it in. As soon as I left the storage room, I just erupted. That Delilah held perfectly still covered in red paint for hours."
"She's... still alive?" Joe whimpered.
"Oh yeah! There we have em!" Candace cheered, nodding towards the woods, where a giant group of people emerged. No way, was that...?
"Paco? Ellie? Delilah? Forty? Marienne? Peach? Rhys? Nadia? Even Henry??" Joe's face lights up in astonishment.
"Hi, Joe. Or Will." Ellie snarked at him.
"Hi, dad. My entire existence is an april fools prank", Henry laughs.
"You actually believed that you were me. You totally bollocks lunatic", Rhys calmly enunciated.
"We gotta say sorry to you though, Paco, for putting you with the abusive couple" Peach interrupted. "It was the only way to get you close to Joe."
"Don't worry. We did it for the bit" Paco cheerily quipped.
Joe can't help but crack a smile at that. The kind of cathartic smile he would get when his obsessions finally accepted him. The smiles turns into chuckles, the chuckles into laughs. "Everything... was a prank?"
"Yes!" they all yell in unison.
"You poor thing", Bronte snickers and embraces him. "We'll give you some time to process this." Everybody exclaims an "aww..." and go in for a group hug.
"This is hilarious! Not even Tolstoy could have written this!" Joe laughs, and everyone laughs along like a sitcom laugh track.
And so the new friends rode off into the sunset, laughing and smiling. Best April Fools ever.