Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Soohee clutched her album tightly and reminded herself to breathe. It shouldn’t be that difficult. She’d done it every single moment of her entire life. And yet. From the moment she and Eunha had claimed their spots in the long line at the fansign venue--a ridiculous number of hours ago--she’d had to remind herself a million times to breathe, both in and out. She shivered occasionally, too, though it had little to do with the early May breeze and everything to do with nerves.

She wasn’t the only one losing it. Despite the long wait, Eunha was still practically vibrating beside her, buzzing with all the adrenaline her tiny body could pump through her system. Eunha reached out and gripped Soohee’s arm, to ground both of them in the reality of the moment. They were about to meet Bangtan Sonyeondan . Their eyes locked, then widened simultaneously. They muffled tiny squeals of mangled disbelief and manic joy. Taking deep breaths, they calmed a fraction. Copy and paste this process every few minutes for the last hour or so. The frequency increased the closer they got to the doors.

The line inched forward, finally slipping over the threshold of the venue doors and into a large room, allowing them to catch their first glimpse of their favorite idol group. The first thing that hit her eye, from meters away, was Kim Seokjin’s majestic, Disney-prince-esque face. Even in the crappy lighting, he managed to glow with ethereal beauty. For a wild moment, Soohee wondered if she had chosen her bias wrong. But then, the crowd at the other end of the table parted slightly, revealing a boy with skin the color of pancakes and hair made of magic.

Kim Taehyung.

She was absolutely certain she had chosen correctly. Her inability to speak or move or do anything remotely useful was a surefire sign. She gripped her forearms hard, tucking them against her chest. She felt like she might explode or shatter into a million pieces from sheer excitement. She and Eunha stood on their tip toes to catch a glimpse of all the boys. They were seated at a long table, greeting fans with broad welcoming smiles and signing albums with an impressive speed and practiced lack of attention.

“I can’t believe we’re actually here,” Soohee whispered for the hundredth time that afternoon. She swallowed hard to repress the niggling terror that she might embarrass herself. Or worse, embarrass them . “You are the best friend anyone has ever had, ever. I’ve never gotten a better birthday present. I still cannot believe you did this.”

“I had to get you back for that gorgeous necklace you got me last year,” Eunha said with a smirk. Soohee rolled her eyes. This was, in no way , the same kind of gift. Eunha lifted her shoulders carelessly. “Plus, I’m not exactly suffering over here.”

Soohee raised her eyebrows in mock-challenge. “Not ten minutes ago, you told me you felt like you were being tortured.” Eunha laughed, though the sound cracked at the end as the line shuffled them forward, putting them a few dozen people away from Bangtan. Eunha gripped her arm.

“This is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to us and I am loving every second of it,” she whispered dramatically. Though the logic was deeply flawed, Soohee couldn’t help but agree. The anticipation was killing her and she didn’t mind a bit.  

A round of giggles from the table stole their attention. As she peered over the heads of the people in front of them, Soohee felt the strangest urge to do a headcount. She nudged Eunha. “I don’t see Kookie.”

Eunha stretched her neck above the crowd. “Ummm…. He’s on the other side of Namjoon. He was ducked down for a second. See? He’s wearing pink bunny ears.”

Soohee located him and sighed, ignoring the ridiculous headwear. They’re all here. Of course they were. It was fansign. Where else would they be? But the sight brought a soothing sense of stability. They were all there, taking care of their fans. And Soohee got to be a part of it.

The line was moving faster than she expected. The doors had only opened about twenty minutes ago, but they were being drawn inescapably forward. She tried her best to banish her worries of saying the wrong thing. She mentally chanted what she wanted to say to each of them. It’s so good to meet you. Thank you for your music. Be healthy and rest well. Fighting! She knew if she tried to come up with something for each of them, she’d scramble her words and mess it all up.

Before she knew it, they were three people away from Seokjin. She felt panic well up in her chest. Eunha sensed it and snagged her hand, squeezed it, and flashed her a look full of emotions. They were beyond speaking now. Just then, a fan whispered something in Seokjin’s ear and a delicate blush spread across his cheeks before he dipped his head in a quick bow and thanked her. Soohee felt another wave of calm. They may be idols and they may be beautiful specimens of humanity, but they were still just…boys. Famous boys. Stupidly talented boys. But, at the end of the day, just boys.

Soohee watched the last fan between her and Seokjin push a parting gift across the table. She took a deep breath and repeated her pep-talk mantra for the last time: It’s going to go so fast and you’re never going to get to meet them again. Don’t waste this opportunity being shy and awkward and nervous. Just enjoy.

And as she expected, the time flew. Seokjin, ever the gentleman, quietly asked her name and made small talk with he signed her album. With a gentlest of high fives, her interaction with him was done and she shuffled awkwardly down the table to Min Yoongi, with his sleepy eyes and strawberry hair. She repeated her greeting to each of them in turn, absolutely certain it was nothing they hadn’t heard a million times before but still glad to be able to say it. In the back of her mind and out of the corner of her eye, she kept track of Eunha, but she could barely focus on the boy in front of her. She only hoped Eunha was enjoying herself as much as she was.

Soohee tried to absorb everything she could, from the dimples on Namjoon’s cheeks to the way Hoseok’s eyes practically disappeared when he grinned at each of them. Or how Yoongi played grumpy but couldn’t keep his gummy smile from sneaking through every few minutes. And with every handshake and high five and press of palms, she noted their fatigue, knowing they still had hours ahead of them. The fansign wasn’t even half over and they were appearing on Music Core tonight, but their gracious attention to each fan made her so proud of them. This comeback was making waves all over the country. She knew it came at a heavy price, lost sleep and skipped meals and long hours, but she was so excited to see their star on the rise.

And then, before she knew it, she was centimeters from Taehyung. His face should be registered as a deadly weapon , she thought idly. The freckle on the end of his nose was visible today and working all of its lethal magic. As she scooted over to greet him, she noticed a weird lag in the line that left Park Jimin sitting alone, waiting for fans. Rather than take a break like she might have expected, he leaned over and and scolded Taehyung with “Stop hogging the fans, Taetae. Can’t you see they came here for me?”

She thought she might burst into flames as the boys jokingly bickered over her. She was sure it was a routine they pulled out anytime the line slowed. Even so, she felt oddly honored to be a part of it. Eunha must have noticed what was happening, because her grip on Soohee’s hand in front of the table redoubled. Soohee couldn’t respond to Taehyung and Jimin’s antics with anything more eloquent than a mildly terrified chuckle. Hoseok released Eunha with a kissy face and a shrill giggle that stalled her for a fraction of a second. Then they were both staring up into the faces of the 95 line.

Taehyung shoved Jimin away and turned his best sexy-smoldering look on the two girls. “I’m pretty sure these two are my fans, not yours,” Taehyung teased, and Eunha gave them away by looking down with embarrassment. Jimin flung his arm around Taehyung’s shoulders and pretended to punch him while looking offended. Somehow Taehyung had managed to sign her album unnoticed throughout the banter, so he said goodbye with a double high five and turned to Eunha. Soohee prayed his rectangle smile wouldn’t kill her friend.   

She scooted out of the way and into Jimin’s zone. His grin was infectious and made hers spread further than she’d thought her face was capable of. She thought it might split her face in half.

“Hi, I’m Jimin,” he said unnecessarily. “I’m in charge of good looks for Bangtan. You can ignore this guy. He’s not that pretty.” Soohee couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of her throat. His charisma was everything she had grown accustomed to from Bangtan’s appearances online, but she was still blown away by the way he undercut it with his tiny giggle, like he didn’t fully buy it himself. “What’s your name?”

“Lee Soohee,” she answered. Then with an impish grin, she tossed out, “I’m not in charge of anything.” Jimin looked up from signing her album in mild surprise, them laughed with genuine delight. She could see the staff eyeing her like she was holding up the line, so she said, “It’s very nice to meet you. Thank you for your music. Be healthy and rest well. Fighting!” Her words came out slightly too fast and maybe a little mechanically, since she’d already said them six times before. It also felt somewhat strange, since he must have just heard her say the same thing to Taehyung. “Also, I really loved your dance at the MAMAs last year,” she blurted.

Jimin gave her a suggestive smile and did a small body roll in his chair. Soohee blushed but couldn’t look away. The staff members began to move in, so Jimin finished signing her album and held up both hands for a high five. She obliged, knowing it was time to go, but at the last second he threaded their fingers together and held on. He wiggled their hands around and did a few movements that were like seated dance steps. She laughed and followed along as best she could and was encouraged to hear him chuckle again. She tried to ignore the fact that they were basically just holding hands.

Finally, he let go, bowed to her one more time, and said, “Thank you for coming. Please go on with us forever. We will work hard!” Then her turn was over and Eunha was taking her place. Very quickly, the staff came and herded her and her friend toward the seating area while directing Jimin back to his task. She gave the busy line one last look over her shoulder and was rewarded with a wink from Jimin and a giant wave from Taehyung.

The little bits of fanservice they did afterward were delightful. She and Eunha joined the crowd in calling out ridiculous suggestions and answers to the members as they goofed around on stage, singing fragments of their own songs and wrestling with one another like a litter of puppies.

By the time the event was over and they made it out of the venue, Soohee was floating. Eunha flagged a cab with a sly grin spreading across her features.

“Why are you in such a rush to get home?” Soohee asked. “We have the day off and nowhere to be.”

“We’re not going home,” Eunha answered. Her face as positively evil. “Your birthday isn’t over yet.” A cab pulled up and Eunha shoved her inside. “MBC Dream Center, please,” Eunha told the driver. Soohee turned to her in confusion, but Eunha just shoved a packet of papers in Soohee’s hands. Soohee choked.

“You got--” she started, then had to take several deep breaths as she stared into her best friend’s face. “Kwon Eunha, you did not get us tickets to Music Core .”

Eunha licked her lips smugly. “I did .”

It had already been a day filled with long lines and waiting, but Soohee was game for whatever was next if it meant seeing Bangtan Bangtan perform I Need U live. She was pretty sure she’d never have the money and the vacation time to go to one of their concerts, so she wasn’t going to waste this. It was so amazing, she couldn’t even be disappointed that they didn’t perform a second song. She was a little let down by their second place showing. In her estimation, they deserved every prize in the world.

Finally, the show was over and they were spilling into the street with  wobbly legs and hoarse voices. As they walked to the subway station leaning on one another for support, she replayed the best moments of the day. She had to admit that meeting Jimin had been pretty fabulous and was reconsidering her bias in the group. She had found herself watching him more closely than any of the others while they were on stage and was continually impressed by his dancing and his high notes. It’s not that she had disliked him before, but she felt like he was no longer being overshadowed by the other members in her mind. He really was an excellent dancer. His hips alone…. She giggled and Eunha joined her.

“Best birthday ever?” Eunha asked, her throat tight and scratchy.

“Absolutely.”

Heart thumping and sweat slipping down his temples, Park Jimin tripped his way through the halls backstage of the music show. All he could think of was getting his stage clothes off and going home to his bed. Well, that and the three beats of choreography he’d screwed up. He was sure no one but his members had noticed, but it still irked him that he’d gotten it wrong.

Hoseok caught up with him as he turned down the hall toward the dressing room and swung his arm around Jimin’s shoulders. “Don’t worry about it.” Jimin sighed and opened his mouth to argue. “Seriously, Chim. It was nothing. I don’t want you kicking yourself over this.” Jimin nodded, but knew the fact that Hoseok noticed and felt the need to say something meant it wasn’t nothing. He also knew that when he dragged himself to the practice room at 5:30 tomorrow morning to fix it, Hoseok would be there. He nodded again and decided to let it go for now.

He slumped onto the couch in the dressing room, suddenly too tired to be vertical. Three minutes. He was pretty sure he could steal three entire minutes before someone came to hustle him to change. “Jiminie, head’s up!” Taehyung called as he tossed a bottle of water across the room. Jimin lazily stretched his right arm out to snag the bottle out of the air, but winced when it hit the heel of his hand. He looked down and was surprised to see a vivid bruise across his palm. It wasn’t uncommon for them to walk away from practice and stupid backstage stunts with their fair share of bruises and scrapes in strange places, but he was pretty sure this was a first.

He gently flexed his hand and felt tenderness all over. He lifted his other hand to poke at the bruise and saw a matching one on his left hand. He sat up and stared. It wasn’t just his palms. Tendrils of purple extended between his knuckles and onto the back of his hand. In the shape of...fingers? The marks were a deep fuchsia with sickly green edging, as if someone had tried to crush his bones. These were not ordinary bruises. He’d seen this somewhere before. A documentary? The news? Something about...soulmates. The water bottle fell onto the couch next to him, forgotten.

Oh. My. God.

“Jiminie?” Taehyung had apparently been watching him from across the room while he scrutinized his hands. “What’s wrong?”

Jimin instantly hid his hands under his legs. He didn’t even know why he did it. He had no secrets from his best friend. And yet, he didn’t know what else to do. His mind reeled. He’d met his soulmate? Wouldn’t he have noticed? But no, everyone said the bruises came hours after First Touch. That’s why this fate was so dangerous--it was really easy lose your soulmate in a crowd and never see them again, but it was imperative to find them. Jimin’s chest suddenly felt too tight.

I’ve literally touched hundreds of people today .

“Jimin?” Taehyung’s voice was concerned now and much closer than before. Jimin looked up and saw his own fear mirrored in his best friend’s face, although shaded with confusion. “What’s wrong?” Taehyung asked again, his tone urgent enough that several other members looked up. Jimin slowly pulled his hands out from under his legs and silently held them palms up. Taehyung stared for a second before grabbing Jimin’s hands and examining them. “What happened, bro?

“I think…” Jimin had to clear his throat. “I think I met my…” He couldn’t get the word out. Soulmate . It seemed like such a loaded phrase. And also kind of childish, a thing out of fairy tales and bedtime stories. Taehyung looked bewildered.

“Met who? How’d you hurt yourself like this?” Taehyung cocked his head for a moment and something knowing spread across his face. Slowly, he threaded his fingers through Jimin’s and matched up the bruises to his hand print. His fingers were much longer than those of whoever had left the marks, covering them up completely, but the effect was enough to bring clarity to the situation. “Oh. You met your....” Taehyung’s eyes met his and Jimin knew he couldn’t say it either.

The other members, all but Seokjin, had made their way over in time to hear Taehyung’s last sentence and to see the bruises reappear from under Taehyung’s fingers as he let go of Jimin’s hands. For a moment, no one said a thing. They all just stared at one another as the reality sank in. He was the first to meet his soulmate. It’s not like it was that common; nearly three-quarters of the population never met theirs. Jungkook opened his mouth to say something just as Seokjin walked in from the hall. Sensing the palpable emotions in the room, he walked directly to the group standing around Jimin, who was still seated on the couch.

“What’s going on?” Seokjin asked.

Jimin held his hands up again and shrugged. His voice was caught in his throat.

“Jimin met his…soulmate,” Namjoon said, finally giving sound to the words they were all thinking.

“Wow…” Seokjin breathed. He picked up Jimin’s hands and went through the exact same motions Taehyung had done moments before. “This is huge.” And then a grin split his face. “Congratulations, Jimin. That’s excellent!”

The rest of the members seemed to collectively relax and several started grinning. Hoseok smacked Jimin on the shoulder, and Namjoon ruffled his hair. There was a cascade of arms and legs and bodies and they were all suddenly tangled together in a laughing mass on the tiny couch. Jimin was buffeted by his members but made no move to join in. His mind was racing.

How was he ever going to find out who she was? He finally remembered the TV show now, the one about soulmates. It was an emergency broadcast. There’d been an uptick in Strays--an unkind but accurate term for people who had Bonded but hadn’t reunited with their mates yet--at the local hospital. City officials were hoping to find their partners before it was too late. Before they starved to death. Because that was the thing about soulmates: skinship became sustenance and nothing else could satisfy. After soulmates touched the first time, there was a small window of opportunity to find each other again before death was imminent.

“Who is she? Ooooh, is she pretty?” Hoseok asked, his voice muffled by most of Yoongi across his chest. All the boys stopped wiggling and looked at Jimin with wide, excited eyes.

“I don’t know,” Jimin answered and was startled to find his hoarse voice tainted with tears. “I touched hundreds of fans today. I don’t know who she is or how I’m going to find her.” And suddenly the boys were sitting up, their laughter forgotten as they realized what that would mean. Jimin fearfully sought the eyes of his best friend. “What do I do?” Taehyung’s eyes widened helplessly.

Namjoon cleared his throat and said, “Kookie, go find Sejin.” At his leader’s command, Jungkook extracted himself from the pile, leapt to his feet, and disappeared from the room to find their manager. The other boys’ faces had turned serious. Taehyung pushed his way through the tangle of bodies to get to Jimin and wrapped himself around his friend.

“Don’t worry, Jiminie. We’re not going to let anything bad happen to you,” he mumbled, scrunching his face into Jimin’s neck. “We’ll find her.”

“There’s a lot of time,” Namjoon said reassuringly. “It can take weeks, even over a month, for your body to fully reject food. We’ll find her by then.” Leave it to Namjoon to know the details of this.

“And she’ll be looking for you, too,” Seokjin offered. “And she’ll probably know better who you are, since she only touched the seven of us.” Jimin felt the knot in his chest loosening as their words sank in. He nodded along as they continued to reassure him, hoping they were right.

The next morning, Soohee woke feeling achy and wrung out. They had stood for the better part of eight hours, all told, so her feet were tender. Even her face and ribs ached from the grinning and laughing. She didn’t even care. She stretched luxuriously in her bed, grateful it was Sunday and she had the day off. She tried to rub the sleep from her eyes and immediately winced. She pulled her hands away from her face and stared at the bruises she found there. Both palms were black and blue. When had that happened? Her thoughts ran back over her Saturday, before and during the Bangtan events. Had she fallen? She could be a little accident prone at times and frequently had tiny, light bruises she couldn’t entirely explain, but she would have remembered doing something bad enough to cause marks like this.

“Unnie?” she asked quietly. “Are you awake?” The lump of blankets next to her stirred and she heard a small groan from its depths. It had not taken much persuading to convince Eunha to stay the night after she had almost fallen asleep on Soohee’s shoulder on the subway. Finally, a mass of tangled black hair and a pale face emerged from the covers.

“Hmmm? What’s going on?” she mumbled, still not entirely conscious.

“Did I fall yesterday?”

Eunha blinked slowly and pursed her lips thoughtfully. “I...don’t think so. Why?”

“I can’t remember how I got these,” Soohee answered, holding out her hands. Eunha stared at them, her eyes becoming more alert by the second. “What do you think I did?”

Suddenly, Eunha gasped and flung all the covers away from her in her haste to grab Soohee’s hands. Her eyes were round and her mouth hung slack. She flipped Soohee’s hands all around, checking every inch of them again and again. “Oh my God, Soohee, do you know what these are ?”

“No? That’s why I’m asking you.”

“ First Touch ,” Eunha whispered as if the words were sacred. Soohee stared at her friend.

“What?”

“They’re the marks of First Touch,” Eunha said, enraptured. “I’m sure of it. They’re the bruises you get when you touch your soulmate for the first time.” Soohee looked down at her hands in surprise. Soulmate? No way. Eunha rolled her eyes a nearly dismissive fashion. “But you should know this better than anyone. I mean, your parents...”

Soohee nodded slowly. Her parents were, in fact, soulmates. It was not something easily forgotten. Everyone always told her how beautiful and special it was to be the child of soulmates. The whole proposition was so romantic and amazing and even a little bit rare.

What no one saw was the fact that she had been preparing her own meals since she was five, because her parents frequently forgot that eighty percent of the population didn’t survive by skinship alone. No one knew that they so preferred the life-giving touch of one another that they had stopped touching her, had stopped hugging and kissing and snuggling her, long before she’d stopped needing it. No one knew how vehemently she’d hoped she would never meet her own soulmate.

In her estimation, it turned two normal people into bond-absorbed, obnoxious parasites.  

One time in high school, she had tried to explain this to Eunha, but her best friend had been too caught up in the destiny of it all to hear her out. She might have just finished one of the million dramas centered around the concept. Now, though, Soohee was sure her distaste was written on her face. She was uncomfortable with the idea of fate matching her up with a stranger for the rest of her life, of using another person’s body to survive every single day. Of becoming like her parents.

“Oh, stop,” Eunha said lightly. “I can see where your brain is taking you. It’s going to be fine. Plus, it’s not like you can exactly turn back now. It’s done.” Soohee nodded glumly. The next second, Eunha tackled her with a scream. “Oh my GOD!”

“What?” Soohee asked, looking around the room for some kind of threat.

“Do you know who your soulmate is ?” Eunha’s eyes were wider than ever. It only took Soohee the space of a heartbeat to understand her friend’s meaning.

“Bangtan…” Soohee whispered. It was all she could get her lips to say. Eunha stared at her agape, obviously trying to from words that wouldn’t come. Soohee shook her head in disbelief, even as she mentally walked through the evening. Other than Eunha, she had only touched the members of Bangtan. She was sure of it. She didn’t usually touch people at all, Eunha being one of the few exceptions and almost always at the other girl’s initiation.

Her soulmate was a member of Bangtan Sonyeondan? Oh my God… she thought desperately. Maybe soulmates aren’t such a bad thing after all. Holy shit, what if it’s Tae? She froze. Looking down at her hands, she really examined the marks for the first time. Her entire palms and the pads of her fingers were bruised, but so were the spaces between her fingers and portions of the backs of hands. Who did I hold hands with? She ran through her memories like a flip book, starting with Seokjin and rolling down the table. A gentle and flat palm-press, a handshake, a fist bump, an E.T. finger poke, Hoseok’s adorably enthusiastic and repetitive hand slapping, a double high five… Jimin .

“Jimin?” Eunha squealed, and Soohee realized she must have said that last thought out loud. She remembered the way he had turned their double high five into a grip and then into a dance. She looked her best friend in the eye and blinked rapidly, stunned.

“Park motherfucking JIMIN is your soulmate ?” Eunha exclaimed. Soohee nodded in mute terror. “Happy birthday to you , Lee Soohee.”

Chapter Text

As he’d planned, Jimin’s day began in the practice room as the sun was rising. Meeting his soulmate was life-altering, but it would take a lot more than that to alter his schedule. And just as he’d expected, Hoseok met him in the dorm kitchen with two protein shakes and an offer to join. Jimin would never turn down the other dancer’s companionship or assistance.

Two hours later, Jimin sprawled on the hardwood floor, his sweat pooling in the hollow of his neck and sliding off his skin onto the boards below. His chest rose and fell rapidly, but he was beaming. Very few things felt better than losing himself in the music, allowing his limbs to be overtaken by the power of the beat and their own will to move, and performing a tricky piece of choreography as if it were as simple as breathing.

Hoseok panted as he leaned against the mirror and slid to the floor. After draining half a bottle of water, he grinned at Jimin and said breathlessly, “I told you it was nothing.”

“Sure, hyung,” Jimin said with a flop of his hand. The movement brought his dark bruise into his line of sight and reminded him of everything that dancing had temporarily erased. He’d struggled out of his various rings the night before, their tightness uncomfortable against the tender flesh. The lack of metal made the bruising stark and bleak. He caught Hoseok watching him quietly, his characteristic smile tempered by insightful concern. Jimin swallowed and frowned.

“What do you think she’s like, hyung?” he asked softly.

Hoseok took his time answering, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “Well, she has excellent taste in music,” he said with a wink. Jimin chuckled gently. Hoseok’s smile faded and he shrugged a little helplessly. “I don’t know, buddy. I wish I could give you some answers.” Jimin nodded. He hadn’t really expected any, but he appreciated that Hoseok didn’t give him lip service or try to cheer him up. “It’s okay to feel a little unbalanced right now, you know? This isn’t something you can just...work through like choreo.” And there it was; Hoseok had a knack for seeing through people and hearing the unspoken.

“Thanks, hyung,” Jimin said softly. Hoseok nodded and took a long pull from his water bottle, finishing it off. The practice room was silent for the first time in hours. Jimin pushed his palms into the floor near his shoulders, ignoring the dull ache of the bruises, and launched himself to standing in one motion. It was a trick he learned back in high school and never grew tired of. He loved that his body could follow the most complex of commands.

“Again?” he asked with a quirk of his eyebrow. And unlike Taehyung or even Jungkook might have done, Hoseok didn’t groan or complain or attempt to drag his feet. He just stood, tossed the empty bottle aside, and hit his mark. That was the other thing about Hoseok: he always knew when it was time to talk and when it was time to dance.

When Jimin and Hoseok arrived back at the dorm after punishing their bodies into synchronized submission, the rest of the boys were awake. They passed Namjoon and Yoongi in the doorway, both headed to the studio--they never stopped writing and producing, even if they were actively promoting the last round of creation. Jungkook looked up from his textbooks and waved at them as they passed through the living room. Jimin wondered if the boy was actually able to learn or retain anything in the midst of their disruptive schedule.

Hoseok veered off toward their room for a shower, but Jimin could hear giggles coming from the kitchen. When he poked his head around the archway, he found Taehyung grinning, face covered in bits of something that looked vaguely like food, and Seokjin looking patiently resigned.

“Jiminie!” Taehyung crowed with delight. “Hyung and I have been cooking for you!” Jimin looked between the boys and raised an eyebrow. “Well, okay, mostly hyung. But I’ve been helping!”

“Okay….” Jimin couldn’t help but smile back at his best friend. His joy was just so infectious. But Jimin was still kind of confused. He looked at the dishes on the counter, mouth instantly watering as he encountered favorite after favorite. “Cooking for me ,” he repeated with a slight question in his voice.

“Yeah,” Taehyung said, bounding over to him and flinging an arm around his shoulders. “Ew, you’re sweaty.” Jimin rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to retort, but Taehyung had already moved on. “Anyway, we thought… Well, really, I thought you should have all your favorites before you can’t eat them anymore, so I got hyung to help me make it happen.” Jimin’s stomach dropped to his knees. Taehyung looked so proud of himself, and Jimin didn’t want to ruin that, but he couldn’t stop the mild panic from welling up in his chest at the reminder.

“Oh,” he managed. He scrambled for something to say that would sound grateful and  keep from hurting Taehyung’s feelings, but his friend just squeezed his shoulders hard.

“I know,” Taehyung whispered in Jimin’s ear and pulled him closer. Seokjin tactfully busied himself with something on the stove. “Everything is changing and you’re freaking out and you’re trying really hard not to show it because that’s what you always do but you don’t have to, okay? We’re all here for you.” Jimin nodded, swallowing hard. “Plus, there are all kinds of benefits from this I bet you haven’t even thought of.” Taehyung’s eyes gleamed with barely concealed secrets.

“If you’re talking about touching a girl…” Jimin replied suggestively. He got the giggle out of Taehyung he’d been hoping for and the tension floating around them eased a little.

“No. I’m talking about dieting , Jiminie.”

Jimin’s eyes widened as the full weight of Taehyung’s words hit him. Slowly, a crazy smile spread across his face, mirrored on the face of his closest ally in Bangtan. “No more eating means no more dieting,” Jimin said slowly. Taehyung nodded mischievously. “Which means I can eat anything I want right now.” Taehyung nodded again emphatically. “Taetae, you’re a freaking genius .”

Taehyung cackled maniacally and shoved Jimin into a chair, scooting dishes toward him and practically throwing chopsticks in his direction. Jimin packed his cheeks with whatever was closest to him and groaned in delight. Seokjin gave a small satisfied smile and smacked Taehyung’s hand as he reached for Jimin’s food. “I’ll make you some more later,” he said quietly. “Let him eat.”

Everything tasted amazing. Jimin wasn’t much of a cook, but he knew how much effort this must have been for Seokjin. He flashed an appreciative smile in the eldest’s direction, affection swelling in his chest. Seokjin lifted his shoulders nonchalantly in response, but Jimin could tell he was pleased.

After the first ravenous bites, Jimin forced himself to slow down. He hadn’t eaten like this in a while. Already, his brain was counting calories and assessing portion sizes, habits ingrained after three years of molding his boyishly round body into that of an idol. With a small amount of effort, he ignored the internal warnings and dug into another dish. He knew he wouldn’t be able to finish everything here, so he motioned to the other boys to eat. Taehyung didn’t need any further encouragement, but Seokjin hesitated until Jimin gave a muffled grunt and flung a dumpling at him.

A moment later, Jungkook wandered into the kitchen scratching his head. “Seokjin-hyung, can you help me with this math problem? I’m not sure I’m getting it,” he mumbled before taking in all the food with wide-eyes. “What’s all this?”

“Jimin’s last meal,” Taehyung gleefully announced around a mouthful of rice. A few grains flew from his lips, and he giggled. “Why do you always ask hyung for help? I did really well in math!”

“Because the last time I asked you for help, we ended up playing video games for three hours and I got an incomplete on my assignment,” Jungkook retorted, shoving a large lettuce wrap in his mouth in one bite. “Besides, you never did differential calculus.” Or at least, that’s what Jimin thought he said. It was hard to tell around the lettuce wrap.

“Manners,” Seokjin muttered, passing Jungkook a plate and a pair of chopsticks. “I’ll help you in a bit. Eat up. I think I made way too much food. Taehyung, I told you we didn’t need bulgogi and galbi for breakfast.”

Jimin looked up right then, a strip of barbecued meat hanging from his lips, then looked down at the empty bowl. “Yes, we did.” He heard footsteps outside the kitchen and called, “Hobi-hyung, get in here. We’re feasting!”

But it wasn’t Hoseok’s face that appeared around the corner, it was Sejin. “Hi, boys,” he said, taking in the scene. They all leapt to their feet and bowed in unison to their manager. “I need to speak with Jimin for a moment.”

Jimin’s smile faded a little, and he quickly swallowed his last bite. After their conversation backstage last night, Sejin had advised them all to keep quiet about the First Touch until he could take the information to Bang Sihyuk, the head of their company. There were too many variables they needed to figure out before their next move. Apparently, Jimin and Hoseok weren’t the only ones up early that morning, if Sejin’s grim expression was anything to go by.

Jimin followed him out of the kitchen and into the bedroom he shared with Hoseok and Taehyung. There wasn’t a lot of privacy in a seven-person dorm, so this was the best they could do. Jimin wished he’d thought to clean up a little before he left that morning. Not that Sejin hadn’t seen it in a worse state--he used to have the unpleasant task of waking them up every day before he got promoted to a higher position within their team.

“I just got done meeting with PD-nim. We’ve come up with a plan,” Sejin said.

Jimin nodded, appreciating that he got straight to the point. Even after three years in this business, it was still a little weird to have a team of professionals decide his every move, from where he lived to who he spent his time with. But in this case, it was a gigantic relief. Jimin had no idea what to do with this drastic change in life trajectory, and he trusted these men with his life. Something of his thought process must have showed on his face, because Sejin’s eyes softened.

“How are you doing, Jimin?”

“Okay, I guess,” he answered with a shrug. Sejin didn’t seem to buy it. Jimin sighed. “Nervous. Excited. Worried? I don’t really know. I just want someone to tell me what to do next.”

“Well, that’s why I’m here,” he said with half a smile. “We looked at your schedule for the next few days and have at least that much worked out. Today’s pretty packed--a radio show, Inkigayo , and a late fansign. But after that, we’re on the plane to Malaysia. The trip’s timing is pretty great, actually, if we weren’t going to film you guys the entire time. We’ll have to figure out how to cover up those marks. The pool stuff is going to be the trickiest part. I’ve got the stylists on it now.”

The schedule wasn’t news to Jimin, but he was surprised by the last comments. “We don’t want people to see them?” he asked.

“Right,” Sejin answered. “It’s not a good idea for the public to know about this yet, or maybe ever. Aside from the idols dating nonsense it would probably put you through, we don’t know who this girl is yet.”

Jimin nodded, wishing for a moment that his life weren’t quite so complicated. He enjoyed being an idol most of the time, but there were moments when the public scrutiny grew tiresome. BigHit didn’t have a dating ban like some companies, but they strongly recommended the boys keep their focus on their careers. Jimin was fine with that--he barely had enough time to call his mother lately. But it would be nice to be able to catch up with a female friend from back home without feeling like he had to look over his shoulder the entire time.

“Plus, you have the whole soulmates controversy to contend with,” Sejin continued. Jimin cocked his head. Sejin sighed. “It’s the weirdest thing. Everyone loves to talk about soulmates in fiction, but in real life, people tend to get a little uncomfortable with it. And that’s not even counting the Unfated Movement. They’re a little nutty, but with your comeback and these sajaegi rumors, we can’t risk any more controversy. You know it barely takes a nudge to turn something into a scandal these days.”

Jimin chuckled mirthlessly. He’d known this would be complicated, but there were so many angles he hadn’t considered yet. His gratitude for their management team increased ten-fold. He took a deep breath and held up his marred palms.

“So what do we do about these for today ? You’ve got the noona’s working on the pool stuff, but what about the fansign or the stage performance?”

Sejin tossed him a pair of fingerless leather gloves with studs along the knuckles. Jimin caught them and burst out laughing. Sejin rolled his eyes in agreement.

“I know. We’ve kind of moved past this style, but it’ll work for now,” Sejin said. “The coordis are modifying everyone else’s wardrobe so these don’t stick out. You’ll still have to be pretty careful at the fansign--these won’t cover up all the marks. But hopefully, no one will be looking that closely.”

All Jimin could do was nod, suddenly overwhelmed again. They were silent for a moment before Jimin worked up the courage to ask what was truly on his mind.

“And what about...finding her? Do you guys have a plan for that?”

“No one’s that worried, to be honest,” Sejin said. He chuckled at the Jimin’s raised eyebrows. “I mean, sure, eventually, it’s a problem. Nobody wants you to starve to death.”

“That would be bad for business,” Jimin mumbled, then regretted it. He knew that he and his members were more than commodities in BigHit’s inventory. But there was a cold reality none of them could avoid. The company may be family, but the family couldn’t afford for Bangtan to be an underperforming asset. This was just something they all tried hard not to say outloud.

“We’re not going to let that happen, okay?” Sejin said firmly. Jimin nodded and tried to smile normally. He really did trust them. “Everyone’s pretty sure she’ll come to us in a week or two, if not sooner.”

“So we just wait for her?” Jimin asked.

“For now. Eventually, your health will outweigh the need for secrecy. If it comes to that, we’ll put the word out. Everything’s fine so far, right?”

“If it weren’t for these bruises, I wouldn’t know anything had happened.”

“Good. Go eat and tell the others to be ready by ten,” Sejin said, pushing off the bed frame and heading to the door. “Oh! And Bang Sihyuk wanted me to pass on his congratulations.” Sejin’s smile was genuine, and Jimin’s heart lifted a little. “Seriously, from me, too. Congratulations!”

“Thanks,” Jimin replied. Sejin slipped out the door, but Jimin sank down on his bed to think for a second. Their lives were complicated enough without this development. There were so many scenarios to plan for and things to avoid. And so many unknowns.

He wondered how differently this would play out if he weren’t an idol. If he were just a normal boy from Busan. The families would celebrate, their mothers would probably gush over planning a wedding in the not-too-far-future, and his life would readjust to accommodate a partner. He imagined there would be growing pains like any relationship, but it would probably be pretty simple in comparison.

Jimin mentally shook himself. There was no point wondering about that now. He wasn’t a normal boy from Busan anymore and hadn’t wanted to be for a long time. He quite enjoyed being bulletproof. He took one last look at his hands, then stood and left his musings behind as he returned to the kitchen. He found Hoseok in his chair and empty dishes on the counter. His members didn’t look half as repentant as he thought they should.

Soohee sagged under the heat of the shower, shedding the sweat and grime of the concert and wishing the marks left by Park Jimin could be removed so easily. Eunha, excited but perceptive, had sensed Soohee needed time to process and left as soon as she was fully awake. Soohee had never been more grateful for her friend than in that moment. It was a greater gift than either of the sets of tickets the day before.

Turning her face into the spray, Soohee let her tears mingle with the tap water. Her chest was so packed with emotions she wasn’t entirely sure she could have named them all or put them in any semblance of an order. The weight pressed on her lungs. She found herself on her knees before she’d decided to move. The spray pounded on her back as she fought to identify and understand what she was feeling.

Panic: she was losing a future she’d barely had time to begin building in her dreams.

Pressure: she was now solely responsible for another human’s daily survival.

Longing: the thought of belonging to someone and having them belong to her was powerfully alluring, even against her will.

Revulsion: she might become everything she despised about her parents.

Awe: the universe or God or whoever had chosen her as the best match for one of the most talented rising stars in the nation, whose every sinew and curve was flawlessly designed for seduction.

And sifting to the surface above all of these, doubt: how could he possibly want her ?

Suddenly, the spray was not washing her clean but drowning her. Gasping, she shut off the tap and pulled herself to her feet, legs shaking. She closed her eyes and willed them dry. As she toweled off, she caught her reflection in the mirror and froze. Slowly, she lowered her arms until they hung limply by her sides. Bare and exposed in the stark lighting and large mirror, she began a harsh appraisal.

Every flaw screamed for her attention. Even if she ignored the soft layer of baby fat she could never seem to work off, her body wasn't close to perfect. She had all the customary parts, but their proportions and placement lacked a desirable coherency. Her fingers skimmed over a thin scar marring her hip, received from an ill-advised rollerblading attempt, then fluttered across the stretch marks that crisscrossed her abdomen, a leftover gift from the summer she’d grown four inches. She stood at an unremarkable, average height but for some hideous reason, her body had chosen to attain its mediocrity at a break-neck pace. Dimples and moles and shadows and hollows and excesses, all scattered with wanton disregard for symmetry or harmony.

She scowled and swallowed another onslaught of tears. On a normal day, she might merely grimace at the mirror before walking away, but today was not a normal day. She turned her back on her inadequate reflection, though she couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of the uneven flesh of her backside before she scrunched her eyes closed violently. No one would choose this. Bitterly, she thought to be grateful for fate, though Park Jimin would probably see it differently. Suddenly, she couldn’t get dressed fast enough.

Her stomach, unsettled though it was by her roiling emotions, gurgled plaintively. It had been a long time since the snacks she and Eunha had shared while waiting in line. As she wandered around the kitchen trying to decide what she wanted for breakfast, she became acutely aware of the room’s impermanence. For as long as she could remember, this portion of their home was her domain. Her parents didn’t need it, so they let her do whatever she wanted with it, including decorating. The lilac curtains still made her smile after all these years, despite their somewhat juvenile pattern.

Every week or so, when she was younger, she used to find a small envelope of grocery money on the counter, left somewhat thoughtfully by her mother on her way out the door to work. It really was the very least she could do, but at least she did it almost consistently.

Whenever she couldn’t stand the sight of her parents tangled obliviously on the couch or felt the heavy loneliness of their closed bedroom door, she had taken refuge in the kitchen. Even more than the place where her bed lived, this was her room. It was a reminder of her difference from them but rather than isolate, it consoled. She was the normal one, after all. Until today.

“Well, to hell with it,” she said aloud to the room. “I don’t have to be like them yet.” She gathered ingredients and instruments in a frenzy. If she had to follow this path, she wouldn’t go quietly. She cooked every dish she usually avoided, for once ignoring her diet-resistant baby fat. She planned to savor, so she didn’t even allow herself a taste or a sample while she was cooking. It took forever. She was nearly salivating by the time the table was full. She picked up her chopsticks and dug into the nearest dish with glee.

She spit the first bite straight into her hand. It tasted like sewage. She frowned at her palm in disbelief. Cooking was her thing . What had gone wrong? Gingerly, she tried another dish. She wiped her tongue with a napkin to remove the foul taste. Was the meat spoiled? Her stomach gurgled again, and she desperately heaped her spoon with rice. It was nearly impossible to screw up rice . Nearly, but apparently not entirely, because it tasted like sawdust.

There wasn’t a single thing on the table that tasted right, except her glass of water. Confused, she dug through the trash to check the outdates on the packages. Everything was fine. It all smelled amazing. But nothing was remotely edible.

Furious, she grabbed her purse and ran out of the house, not even bothering to clean anything up. She was hungry and had limited time to eat whatever she wanted. She wasn’t about to waste it on her cooking mishaps. Unwilling to wait for the bus, she mounted her bicycle and headed toward a nearby shopping district. She found her favorite café and ordered everything full fat with extra whipped cream. And a scone and a red bean bun. She settled into a table by the window and grinned before biting into the forbidden pastry. It felt like grainy paper on her tongue and tasted only mildly better. She took a tentative sip of her coffee to wash it down and found it bitter and unpalatable.

Her heart sank. It hadn’t been her cooking. The truth, though seemingly impossible, nudged the back of her mind. She did quick calculation. It had been less than eighteen hours since First Touch. There was no way she was going off food this quickly.

She pulled out her phone and searched “soulmates starvation time.” The phrasing struck her as desperately funny. Stifling her giggles, which were soliciting strange looks from the cafe’s Sunday brunch crowd, she clicked on the first result. Then the second and third. She greedily read blog posts, social media updates, news stories--anything she could find--from Strays who didn’t find their partners for weeks after First Touch. Cute stories of sharing a week or two of feasting as their initial courtship. Even a couple who bumped into one another on the subway and spent 43 days searching online soulmate forums before reuniting in an epic scene straight out of a novel. Most stayed healthy for over a month, though no one ever lasted past two months.

Beginning to wonder desperately if she was just defective, she finally she found an official looking site that held what seemed to be the best that modern medicine had cobbled together about this relatively unknowable biochemical transformation. In a small paragraph at the end of a boring medical journal article, she found a sentence that caught her eye:

“In rare cases, most frequently seen in the biological offspring of two soulmates, the ability to digest and process food wanes at a more rapid rate. Although the science is inexact on this matter, anecdotal accounts suggest that the digestive transmutation period may shorten to a mere two to three days before starvation is imminent. Since these cases make up such a small fraction of the Bonded population, which is also a small population, this issue has had insufficient study and warrants more attention in the future.”

Soohee stared at the final line. Well. I guess I am defective, Soohee thought bitterly. But the meaning was inescapable. It was entirely possible that she was already…digestively transmutating? That sounded delightful . Whatever it was called, she was going through it and fast. Not without a fight, I’m not.

She gritted her teeth, glared at her plate, and stuffed the entire red bean bun in her mouth. She allowed her eyes to roam around the café, hoping to distract herself from the dry mass of bland fiber and gooey grit she was trying to force down her throat. She took a long gulp of coffee to help wash it down, wincing at the flavor and the mild burn she sustained. Then, for good measure, she ate her scone in three bites and polished off the coffee. She shuddered and hoped no one had seen her display of gustatory defiance. With nothing left to do at the café, she grabbed her purse with resignation and wandered back out onto the street.

Twenty minutes later, she found herself in an alleyway, leaning hard against her bike and vomiting into a trash bin. The surge of rebellion in the café was gone and in its place was a hollow panic. This was not some game that she could beat. Her body was in charge now, and no amount of wishful thinking was going to keep her from starving to death. She had to find Park Jimin and fast.

Chapter Text

Soohee felt guilty wasting all the food she’d prepared, but no one in the house was going to eat it. Soohee could invite Eunha over for lunch, but she wasn’t ready to explain why she couldn’t eat any of it. She knew it was stupid and illogical, but saying it out loud made it feel too real. So she scraped it all into the trash.

She was just putting the last bowl in the dishwasher when she heard the front door open. The clock on the oven said it was barely after ten.

“Soohee, are you home?”

Soohee looked down at her purple hands. The thought of talking to her mother about this made her ill. Scrambling, her eyes fell on a pair of yellow rubber gloves by the sink and she yanked them on. When her mother wandered into the room, she was busily scrubbing the sink.

“What are you doing here?” Soohee asked, sounding more accusatory than she intended. She cleared her throat. “Don’t you have a shift today?”

“I left my phone,” her mother answered, holding up the device. “How was your...thing last night? It was a concert or something?”

“Oh. It was great!”

She was surprised her mother remembered. At this point, they were more like inattentive roommates than parents. They paid the bills and Soohee tried to keep to herself. She was pretty sure that if she could afford a place of her own, they would cease to have much of a relationship at all.

When she was younger, they’d fulfilled all the perfunctory duties of parenthood like checking her report card and making sure she had her vaccinations on time. But things like birthday parties or movie nights or deep conversation were pretty much unheard of. It had taken her a long time to realize they weren’t a normal family. One dinner at Eunha’s house, all noise and chaos and joy, had shattered that illusion.

“Well, I’ll see you tonight,” her mother replied, leaving the kitchen without a backward glance.

“Yeah, maybe,” Soohee said, which was the same answer she usually gave, and disinterested silence was the response she always got. She waited until she heard the front door close before stripping off the rubber gloves.

For a moment, she wondered how that conversation would have gone without the gloves. Would her mother have been excited? Worried? Interested at all? Would Soohee finally feel like part of the family? Or was the bond between two soulmates unaffected by the existence of another, unconnected soulmate? Probably that. She threw the gloves in the sink with disgust and went to her room. She was annoyed that it bothered her this much--she thought she was immune at this point.

Her stomach still protesting, she pulled her laptop onto her bed. It was time to make a plan. Cursory research told her typical human could live up to twelve weeks without food, under non-soulmate circumstances. But the digestive transmutation process was apparently much faster. If she was truly at the end of the food rejection process, and she was pretty sure her alleyway adventures confirmed that, she had about a week left. Ten days at the very outside. Before she slipped into a coma for her last days, she had dizziness, fatigue, muscle weakness, and hallucinations to look forward to.

Awesome.

As much as she resented the stark reality, finding Park Jimin was her only option. Trying to shake off the creepy feeling of being a stalker, she noted all the events on Bangtan’s public schedule. It would be impossible to get to him at either recording of KBS Cool FM or Inkigayo , and the sold-out fansign that night wouldn’t be much easier. She would have to try tomorrow. Then her eyes landed on a very short article that changed everything.

“Malaysia?” she exclaimed. “They’re going to Malaysia tonight? For how long?” She clicked frantically around the fansites, but there was no other information. Quickly, she searched for the address of the BigHit offices. It had to be today. She didn’t even know if it would be open on a Sunday, but she had to try something before they got on an airplane.

She was almost through the front door when she caught her reflection in the mirror next to the coat rack. She looked like death. Meeting her soulmate, desired or not, wasn’t an everyday occurrence. She could spare twenty minutes to throw some make-up at her face. And maybe change her shirt, which had a suspicious splotch near her wrist that might have happened in that alleyway.

It was closer to an hour later that she was back in front of the hall mirror. Her black hair hung in silky sheets, just barely flipping outward where it landed at her jawline. Her eyeliner could rival Taehyung’s today. She’d tried hard not to over-think her outfit, so she was in a simple sundress and sandals. Cute and classy. She pointedly ignored the piles of discarded clothes on her bed. She nodded firmly at her reflection before hurrying out to the bus stop.

Outside the office building containing BigHit Entertainment, she wondered how many other crazed fangirls had stood in this very spot working up their courage to invade the idols’ personal lives. She squared her shoulders and reminded herself she wasn’t a crazed fangirl. Probably . The building directory gave her the office number, but she never made it that far.

“Can I help you?” a large security guard asked. She gripped her hands tightly together in front of her, the resulting ache from the bruises enough to reinforce her courage. She pasted her most professional smile on her face and was glad she had dressed up a little.

“Oh, I have an appointment,” she said, continuing to walking toward the elevators with fake confidence. Maybe he’d just let her pass. The guard stepped in her path. Or not.

“With whom?”

She was sure the members didn’t take appointments, so she cast around for another name. “Kim Sejin…?” He looked unconvinced. “I’m interviewing for a make-up stylist position.” She wasn’t sure where the lie had come from, but it sounded good to her ears.

“Is that so?” the guard asked. Apparently, it had not sounded as good to his.

“Yes, sir,” she answered. Just stick to your story , she told herself. Just stick to this insane story you’re making up on the spot.

“You’re not the first fan to try that,” the guard said without a smile. “Word of advice, Kim Sejin doesn’t interview the coordinators. Also, BigHit is closed on Sundays.” His bored face clearly told her to get lost.

“Okay, I know I lied,” Soohee blurted. She tried to keep the desperation out of her voice and just state the facts. “I’m really sorry about that. I have to see Park Jimin. If I can just talk to Kim Sejin, I know I can explain myself.” The guard chuckled at her audacity. Soohee could feel the opportunity slipping out of her grasp. “It’s kind of a matter of life or death.”

“That’s what all the girls say, sweetheart,” the guard said. His boredom was quickly shifting to annoyance. “I don’t work for BigHit, but even I can tell you that’s not going to happen. Get lost before I call the cops, okay? I don’t want to have to do that.”

“Park Jimin is my soulmate!”

She hadn’t meant to shout it. She hadn’t meant to say it at all. But the idea of becoming a Stray was even more abhorrent than being a soulmate. It appeared this was the exact wrong thing to say, since the guard picked up the receiver of the phone on his desk and began to dial. With nothing else to lose, she waved her palms in the guard’s face. “These are marks of First Touch. I got them from Park Jimin.”

“Leave this building before I have you forcibly removed,” the guard said firmly. Evidently, he had seen this all before. It shouldn’t have surprised her. Some fans were just plain crazy, and she had to admit this was a pretty obvious ploy. Honestly, did you think he’d really believe you? she asked herself as she wandered dejectedly back to the bus stop.

Maybe? A quieter voice in her head answered. Shouldn’t they be looking for me, too?

Jimin had made it through the broadcast with little incident. Even though it was radio, there’d been two cameras filming them at the microphones, so he’d tucked his gloved hands under his legs and tried to concentrate on his answers. The music show had been a different story altogether. Dancing in the gloves was not a problem--they’d had stranger costumes than this--but the choreography involved his hands more than he’d thought was possible. He did his best, but he was pretty sure Sejin had bribed the camera guys to give Jungkook and Taehyung more airtime and take a lot of wide shots. For once, he didn’t mind.

During the van ride across the city to the fansign, Jimin fiddled with the leather gloves. It was an unusually warm day for May, so the gloves were hot and chafed on the bruises. But they were effective, so he’d have to keep them. The leather jacket the stylists had put him in was also too warm and he tugged at the neckline of his t-shirt underneath it. Yoongi reached over and squeezed his knee gently.

He looked up, but Yoongi was looking out the other window, face bored and detached. Jimin smirked. It was so like Yoongi. He was possibly the least physically affectionate one in the group, but he always found a way to comfort Jimin when he needed it. Without acknowledging him, Yoongi squeezed again and removed his hand. It was like permission to relax. Jimin let himself sink down in his seat until his head rested comfortably against the window.

He woke a short time later when the van stopped outside the venue. He blinked rapidly and wiped a little drool off his chin. Yoongi was fast asleep against his shoulder. “Hyung, we’re here,” he said, his voice rough with sleep. Yoongi scrunched his face and sat up with a tiny arm stretch and a whiny grunt.

Jimin shook his head forcefully to get rid of the sleep fog. Time to greet the fans. He had no intention of taking his nerves or grumpiness out on them, but there was a tiny, selfish part of him that wanted to say screw it and go back to sleep. He was also pretty nervous about keeping the bruises hidden.

He and Yoongi were the last ones out of the van, and the crowd was already in a frenzy. Just another day at the office , he thought blithely and had to smile. Sometimes, it was so cool that this was his job . Next to him, Yoongi waved fans waiting in line. Jimin lifted his hand to wave too but remembered at the last second that his fingertips were still visible and mottled. Realizing the backs of his fingers were perfectly fine, he instead ran the tips of them across his lips suggestively and was rewarded with screams and reaching hands. So the name of the game for today was grease . He could do that.

Throughout the event, he kept wondering if maybe she would be there. It wasn’t reasonable. She’d been at an identical event the morning before. But he still he searched the face of every girl for anything familiar. They all blurred together and he knew he wouldn’t find her that way. Instead, he began surreptitiously examining their hands. Each time, he saw pale, unremarkable skin and was able to put his soulmate out of his mind for a few minutes until the next fan appeared. And each time, he was very careful to keep his own hands as still as possible, offering handshakes and gentle squeezes over his customary high fives.

At some point, someone handed Taehyung a baby and the line of fans about fell over dead. Jimin laughed as he watched his best friend make ridiculous faces to get the baby to smile. What the fans didn’t know was that every member of Bangtan was a sucker for kids and would be delighted to hold one at an event. They just let Taehyung take the lead because they knew he missed his young cousins so badly. But between the fear of accidentally showing his bruises and the rise and fall of hope each time a new fan came up to him, Jimin was feeling antsy. He let Taehyung have a few minutes with the baby, before he called down the table, “My turn!”

Taehyung turned a surprised face toward him. Jimin caught a similar expressions from a few of the other members as well a subtle flash no fan would recognize. Taehyung pouted and held the baby possessively, making a show of leaning away from Jimin. “But she’s mine ,” he pretended to whine. “Get your own baby.” The fans squealed just like Taehyung had intended them to. Jimin was sure he heard a few bolder girls offer to help him have a baby of his own. He politely pretended he didn’t hear them and gave Taehyung a stern look.

“You’re neglecting your fans,” he retorted, nodding toward the line that was lagging in front of Taehyung’s chair. “Hand her over.”

Taehyung huffed dramatically, but stood and brought him the baby. He passed her carefully into Jimin’s waiting arms, using the closeness of the pass to whisper in Jimin’s ear, “You owe me.”

“You wish,” he whispered back and giggled at Taehyung’s wrinkled nose. “Come here, beautiful,” he said to the baby, who reached out and grabbed his nose. He laughed loudly in surprise and startled her. Her face crumpled and she started to fuss, so he did the first thing that came to mind.

He sang.

His voice wasn’t loud, a hum more than real words. He didn’t think anyone but the baby and maybe Namjoon next him could hear, but both the baby and the crowd hushed to listen. He could practically feel the crowd wrapping around his little finger. Any other day, he would’ve loved having that much power over an audience. But he hadn’t taken the baby for the attention, he’d done it for the distraction. She was adorable and soft and the perfect excuse to keep his hands hidden for a bit.

Though fans had been snapping photos throughout the event, he felt the concentration of flashes increase around him. Instead of mugging for them or pulling faces like he usually did, he just kept humming. The infant smiled up at him and he found himself calmer than he’d been in days. He should have stolen a baby from Taehyung ages ago.

He realized he was singing Jungkook’s vocal run from the beginning of Hold Me Tight . The second time through the short set of measures, he paused, unsure of where to go from here. Namjoon surprised them all by softly rapping his verse exactly where it was meant to go. The room fell silent as the rest of the boys joined in on the backing vocals and suddenly they were giving an impromptu concert to a baby and a couple hundred oozing puddles that used to be fans. Jimin was amazed none of the coordinators were stopping them. Maybe Sejin had warned them to give him a little leverage today. Facing slightly away from the fans, Namjoon was able to send him a quick wink without being seen.

Soohee slumped onto her bed, her legs shaking from exertion. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she stared blankly at the wall across from her. She was out of options. As darkness fell outside her window, scenes from her day washed over her like dirty water.

She’d come out of the BigHit offices resigned that her half-baked plan hadn’t worked, but a reckless energy had seized her and she’d ended up crisscrossing the city on a wild and fruitless mission to find them outside one of the locations she knew they’d be at that day. Late in the evening, she’d wearily landed outside the fansign event. Just in time to watch Bangtan’s van disappear into traffic. Her screams were lost in the cacophony of other fans, many who were also yelling Jimin’s name.

She rolled over on her bed and sighed at the next memory, disappointed in herself for her temporary insanity. She’d known it wouldn’t be worth the fifty thousand won cab ride, but she’d followed them to Incheon Airport anyway. It was only while sprinting through the terminal while recklessly checking twitter that the craze was finally cracked. By a fan-taken photo of Park Jimin standing underneath a sign that said, “Welcome to Gimpo Airport International Terminal.”

Sprawled on her bed hours later, she still wasn’t sure how she’d managed to get the airport wrong. There were so many more flights out of Incheon to Kuala Lumpur every day than out of Gimpo, so it didn’t make sense that they would have been using the smaller airport. And yet, as she’d watched with mute horror, the photos showed each of the boys handing over their passports and disappearing through security. There had been no way for her to get there in time.

For a wild moment, she’d considered purchasing a ticket to Malaysia, but she was sure without looking at her bank account that she didn’t have the money. Plus, there was no way she would have better luck finding Jimin in a foreign country than she’d had in her own hometown.

Just then, her stomach gurgled feebly. She recalled a few times in school, probably during exams, that she’d been too busy to eat properly, but even then, she didn’t think it had ever lasted past two missed meals. She looked at her watch and calculated. She was going on 28 hours now. But all that was left was to wait for them to return. She thought about reaching out to them on Twitter or the fan café, but every line she composed sounded more ridiculous than the last.

You probably don’t remember me, but we met at the fansign in Gwanghwamun yesterday. I’m your soulmate.

My name is Lee Soohee and I’m going to die without you .

We need to talk about the bruises you gave me…

Everything she thought of made her sound like a sasaeng , not to mention being injurious to his career. And what did she expect him to do if he did believe them? Drop everything and come back? She supposed that was exactly what she hoped. She promised herself she would reconsider in 24 hours if no other solution came up.

What she really needed now was a distraction. She wasn’t ready to face Eunha, though she knew her friend would be nothing but supportive. She just wanted to be a hermit for a little bit. She eyed her laptop, but the Internet held little interest. Most of her usual online pursuits involved Bangtan or dramas, which often centered around soulmates. That was not what she needed right now.

But underneath the computer was her sketchbook. She hadn’t drawn anything in months, not since she’d taken on more responsibilities at work and lost the brainspace for creativity. She flipped through the pages, wondering what she was even working on last. There were a lot of scribbles that amounted to nothing, sketches of random items in her room, and several trees and flowers she’d found in the park across from her office.

The last thing in her notebook was a half-finished, detailed drawing of all the members of Bangtan from their latest video. She gently smoothed her finger down the page next to Taehyung’s laughing face, which was the most complete of all of them. Next to him was a barely framed-in Jimin. Why didn’t I notice him before? she wondered. It wasn’t that she found him unattractive, and she especially enjoyed the dynamic he shared with Taehyung as the 95 Line. But there was something about Taehyung that had captured her even before they’d debuted. He’d distracted her from giving any of the other members her full attention. But her entire day had been consumed with thoughts of Park Jimin.

This is not actually a distraction, Soohee.

She stood up and turned on music, setting it to a playlist without Bangtan. She would worry about he soulmate thing tomorrow. She created a nest of pillows and snuggled in with a packet of colored pencils and a fresh sheet in her sketchbook. For a moment, she pondered what to draw. The images of Jimin from the airport in that fantastic leather coat floated through her mind, but she pushed them away. She smiled as her thoughts settled and her hand began flying across the paper.

It was still Bangtan-adjacent, if she thought about it for long enough. But the memory of Eunha’s euphoric face, lit by the stage lights at Music Core and made ethereal by the lingering vapor from the smoke machine was exactly what she was looking for tonight. She knew her life was about to change in drastic and unpredictable ways. So for tonight, she wanted to think about when things were normal, when things were perfect.

As soon as they’d settled into their block of seats on the airplane, Taehyung began a movie on his tablet. Jimin was sure he had been assigned a seat number, but it didn’t really matter which one was officially his. He’d ended up between the other maknaes and hoped they’d both cool it with their typical antics and let him rest. Jimin was pleased with how quiet Jungkook had been so far, allowing him to doze through the safety instructions and takeoff. But then he felt a gentle nudge on his arm and blinked sleepily.

“Hyung?” Jungkook whispered. Since Jungkook rarely used the honorific with him, he stifled his groan and gave the younger boy his attention. “Are you…okay?”

“I’d be better if I were sleeping,” Jimin mumbled. Jungkook nodded and looked away, but there was something in his face that reminded Jimin that his friend was not yet an adult. “What’s up, Kookie?”

“It’s just…” Jungkook hesitated, picking at his lips. “What if you don’t find her?”

Jimin had been doing a good job of ignoring her since he’d started humming to that baby a few hours ago. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Jungkook looked at him with a trace of guilt and then looked down at his hands.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook blurted. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Kookie, are you scared something’s going to happen to me?” Jimin asked. “Because I’ve got plenty of time.” He was just echoing what everyone else had said, but parroting them to comfort Jungkook somehow made it feel truer than it had before. Jungkook looked away shyly and cleared his throat.

“I can’t stop thinking about my Nayeon-noona,” the younger boy whispered, looking down into his hands. Jimin had completely forgotten about her. She’d been a family friend. About a year before Jungkook had moved to Seoul, she’d almost died trying to find the man she’d bumped into on a vacation in France. Jimin reached over and gripped Jungkook’s hand, nearly regretting it as Jungkook hesitantly traced the marks on the back of it. “It was really scary, hyung.”

“I’m scared, too, Kookie,” Jimin whispered, finally letting loose the words that had been stuck in his throat all day. Jungkook looked up and locked eyes with him, searching. “I mean, what if she’s just as confused about me as I am about her?” Jungkook sniffed a little and licked his lips nervously.

“Do you think that will happen?”

Jimin shrugged. “I don’t know,” he answered. Then he smiled a little. “But you know what keeps giving me hope? Bang Sihyuk’s put his entire company’s future on us, so he’s not going to let me starve.” Jungkook cracked a small smile, the nervousness bleeding out of his face. “Besides, if I get desperate, I’ll just tweet a photo of the bruises and let ARMYs find her for me. They’re really good at that sort of thing.” Jungkook giggled, and Jimin watched his shoulders relax. “Do you remember when they found that condom in the background of Seokjin-hyung’s photo?”

Jungkook snickered, though he blushed slightly. “Or when they saw my shirtless reflection in that bowl while he was doing a cooking post for the blog?”

Jimin chuckled and gave the boy’s hand another squeeze before letting go. “See, it’ll be fine. We have a squadron of detectives on our side.” He started to put his earbud back in when Jungkook spoke again.

“What are you going to do when you find her?” he asked, mischief lighting his face now. “Like, seriously, what’s the first thing you’re going to do?” Jungkook made tiny kissy noises.

“Ah…I hadn’t really thought past…finding her,” he said. He wasn’t nearly as shy around girls as he used to be--he tried not to think of the embarrassing reality show assignment where they had approach women on the streets of LA and convince them to be in a music video--but it’s not like the idol life left a lot of time for dating. “Great,” he muttered. “Another reason to be nervous.” Jungkook giggled next to him and he swatted at the boy.

“Another reason to be grateful I’m not you,” Jungkook said impishly. Jimin decided not to tease Jungkook for his near-phobia of girls. It was a low blow and he’d save it for another occasion if the maknae got further out of line. Instead, he playfully raised a hand to poke Jungkook’s ribs. They tussled for a moment before settling down again. Jungkook scratched at his neck thoughtfully. “Seriously, though, after that first meeting, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Get to know her?”

“No, I mean, you’ll need to touch her every day, right?” Jungkook asked. “So, is she going to…move into the dorm or something?”

“Huh,” Jimin said thoughtfully. “You’re way ahead of me, Kookie.” They didn’t call Jungkook the Golden Maknae for nothing, but Jimin was still fascinated by the way his brain worked, asking the questions no one else thought of. Always fearing he was a step behind his brothers, he never completely understood he was usually two steps ahead.

“Or…will you move out, hyung?” The younger boy seemed to be thinking out loud more than searching for answers. Jimin was glad, since he didn’t have any. “That would be weird. Just the six of us in the dorms…”

Jimin was unsettled by that idea. He wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t get sick of the members and the limited privacy, but that had gotten a lot better when they’d moved into the larger place. He couldn’t quite conceive of a world where he didn’t live with them, let alone one where he lived with a girl he’d never met.

“And then when we travel, she’ll have to go with us,” Jungkook continued, staring at the back of the seat in front of him. “And after performing, we’re usually starving, so she’ll have to be backstage. She’s basically going to be like the eighth member of Bangtan or something, isn’t she?”

Jimin squirmed in his seat. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and looked over to find Taehyung watching them with the strangest look on his face. It was Blank Tae, but different. Jimin cocked his head to the side in question, then noted the ear buds dangling from Taehyung’s fingertips. How long had he been listening to them? He watched his best friend’s eyes shutter and it scared him. A second later, Taehyung slipped the headphones back into his ears and turned away from Jimin, his broad shoulder creating a wall between them.

Chapter Text

Taehyung didn’t speak another word to him on the plane after turning back to his movie. When Jimin woke up partway through the flight, he found Seokjin next to him instead of his best friend. Taehyung had wormed his way into the next row, snuggling Hoseok while they both slept. Jimin looked at Seokjin, his eyebrows raised in question but the shrug he received communicated clearly, Your guess is as good as mine .

Taehyung’s avoidance continued into the small diner the staff had found, one of the few open at the early hour in the resort city of Kota Kinabalu. Some people looked up from their meals but none seemed to recognize them as more than a large, rowdy group of boys. Jimin still tugged the fingers of his gloves down to make sure they covered his marks, just to be safe. He naturally gravitated toward Taehyung while they were getting seated, but somehow the other boy managed to take a spot at the end of the table as far from him as possible. Hoseok noticed and shot Jimin a questioning look, but Jimin just repeated Seokjin’s shrug from the plane and sat between Namjoon and Yoongi. It was obvious to the other members that something was going on, but no one said anything.

Soon, their food arrived and Jimin dug in gleefully. He ate more than his fill, trying to savor every taste on his tongue and the heavy sensation of a full stomach. It was strange to think about not wanting this anymore, not needing this anymore. He couldn’t quite wrap his mind around that being in his very near future. But for now, he did still want it, so he kept shoveling more food into his face. The other boys teased him lightly about his appetite and he responded by stealing food off their plates.

The entire drive to the hotel, he couldn’t help but stare at the back of his best friend’s head. It was impossible not to get on one another’s nerves with as much time as they spent together, but they never really fought. Not since the ridiculous Ice Cream Incident when they were trainees. They hadn’t talked for days back then and when they finally made up, they’d sworn never to shut each other out like that again. It was a defining moment of their friendship, really. No matter how angry they were, they promised to keep talking until they worked it out. And yet, here Taehyung was, putting a giant wall between them without even giving Jimin the courtesy of a fight.

When they arrived at the hotel, there was the usual jockeying over room keys and who would sleep where. It was already technically Monday morning, but their schedule didn’t begin for a few hours, so they planned to catch a little sleep before filming. With only two rooms, each with two beds, they argued over which group was going to end up with Namjoon’s snoring. When Taehyung offered to bite that bullet, Jimin’s heart sank. If he was willing to suffer that, he must be really angry. Seokjin, seeming to sense this, declared, “Maknaes in one room, hyungs in the other. I’d rather have Joonie’s racket over your whining and giggling.” Yoongi immediately and vehemently agreed to this and the matter was settled.

On another night, Jimin might have protested at the term whining , but he just took the plastic card offered to him and boarded the elevator silently. Taehyung lagged behind the entire group, so Jimin was the first into the room. He set his bag on one of the beds and instantly pulled off the gloves with a sigh of relief. The marks were uglier than he had remembered, having not seen them all day. He hadn’t even dared to take the gloves off on the plane, since there might have been fans on the flight with them. It felt so good to have the air on his skin again. He flexed his hands gingerly, but the dull ache remained. They wouldn’t even begin to heal until he found her again.

Jungkook dropped his bag on the other bed and made for the bathroom. Jimin watched Taehyung out of the corner of his eye as he looked between his options with a sour face. Taehyung glanced at Jimin’s hands and tossed his bag next to Jungkook’s. Jimin repressed a sigh and started getting ready to turn in. They heard the shower turn on in the bathroom, but there was only silence between them.

Jungkook returned a short time later. He looked the two of them, pursing his lips at the evident tension, then climbed into bed without a word. He was asleep before anyone thought to turn the lights out. Taehyung crawled in next to him and rolled over to face the wall. Sure, Jin-hyung, it’s just a barrel of laughs over here , Jimin thought wryly.

As Jimin passed him on his way to the bathroom, he saw Taehyung staring at the wall with the same expression from the plane. Blank Tae, but different. It wasn’t until halfway through his shower that Jimin realized why the expression was so familiar.

Jimin was an idiot. It was only a few days ago that Taehyung had gotten swept up in ridiculous netizen buzz for mouthing the words to a Big Bang song during their second win. As stupid as the controversy was, Jimin felt even more stupid for not recognizing his friend’s withdrawn expression. It wasn’t Blank Tae. It was Wounded and Worried Tae. With his own potential scandal brewing, Jimin had completely forgotten the incident in exactly the way he’d hoped the fans would. And just like he’d done after Taehyung had read one too many nasty internet comments, Jimin needed to soothe his friend.

Jimin finished his shower quickly and crept back through the dark room. Taehyung had closed the blackout curtains against the cruel sunrise. Jimin stopped by Taehyung’s bedside. “Taetae?” he whispered pleadingly. In the darkness, he couldn’t tell if Taehyung was asleep or ignoring him. Either way, the boy didn’t move. “Please talk to me?” He was met with silence. Jimin sighed and crawled into his own bed, thoughts scattered far and wide. He was pretty sure now that his friend wasn’t mad at him, but he didn’t have much else to go on.

He drifted in and out of consciousness, never really achieving sleep but tormented by nonsensical dreams nonetheless. At some point he became dimly aware of pressure on the mattress next to him and a cool rush of air as his blankets lifted. He was so used to sharing his sleeping space with any and all of the members that he didn’t even bother to wake up all the way. He just reached out and pulled the body closer to his for warmth. Jimin was usually the initiator of what the hyungs liked to call the Puppy Pile--it was the best remedy they had for homesickness, sadness, or (on one memorable occasion) a broken heater and an ill-timed snowstorm--so the skinship soothed his restlessness and he began to sink deeper into unconsciousness.

Even half-asleep, he could tell by the way the other boy laced his limbs around his own that it was Taehyung. Their bodies were too familiar to one another not to know. He smiled dreamily and was nearly gone when he felt Taehyung shudder against his back. Blinking blearily, he patted the arm around his waist lightly.

“Wazwrong?” he mumbled. The effort roused him enough to remember the other boy’s silent treatment throughout the evening. Jimin was instantly alert. “Taetae?”

He felt Taehyung’s other hand fist into the back of his shirt and felt a dampness on his neck that he was sure was not residual moisture from his shower. The other boy wept softly into his shoulder blades, and Jimin felt his own inexplicable tears prickle his eyes. Jimin tried to roll over to look his friend in the eye, but Taehyung clung to him tighter and sobbed harder. Worry danced across Jimin’s skin.

“Tae. Talk to me,” he whispered, anxious. “Please?” He was greeted with only sniffles and sobs. He rubbed the other boy’s arm soothingly, the only thing he could reach in this position. What could possibly be hurting him this much? Taehyung rarely cried at all, and never like this.

Jimin was unable to pry any part of Taehyung away from him, and he began to wonder if the younger boy was even fully awake or if he had climbed in here in his sleep. It wouldn’t have been the first time Taehyung sleepwalked his way into one of the other boys’ beds.

Finally, Taehyung took a shuddering breath and let it out, warm and damp against the back of Jimin’s neck. It seemed his tears had abated some, though new ones still peppered Jimin’s shoulder from time to time.

“Tae, buddy?” Jimin tried again. He felt his friend’s forehead press against his spine. “You’re scaring me.” There was a muffled sort of groan that could have been words, but Jimin couldn’t make it out. “Hmmm?”

Taehyung lifted his head a little and started to whisper something, but his voice broke against his tears. He cleared his throat.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Jimin was grateful he was facing away and could hide his small smile. Taehyung was obviously hurting, but this was so simple. He finally managed to loosen Taehyung’s arms enough to roll over, though not enough to pull back to see his friend’s face.

“I’m fine,” he whispered into Taehyung’s hair. “We’ll find her and I’ll be fine. I’m not going to starve.” He tried to keep even a hint of laughter out of his voice, but it was just this morning that Taehyung had said these words to him . Rather than being reassured, Taehyung buried his face in Jimin’s chest with a primal sob. “Taetae?”

“Jiminie,” Taehyung groaned desperately. Jimin could tell he had missed something important. The frantic grip on his shirt told him Taehyung was deeply scared of something. If only Jimin could get him to say it.

“Tae, you’re not going to lose me,” he said more firmly. There was a long silence, broken only by Taehyung’s stuttered breathing and the soft swoosh swoosh of Jimin’s hand against the back of his t-shirt.

“You’re going to leave me,” Taehyung finally whispered. The vulnerability in his voice punched Jimin in the gut.

“What are you talking about?”

Taehyung wiped his face and looked up at Jimin in the darkness. Jimin could barely make out his features but could tell resigned pain was etched into every one of them. “You have a soulmate and everything is going to change.”

“Oh, buddy,” Jimin murmured, tears springing to his own eyes. “I’m not going to leave you.”

“You are, though,” Taehyung insisted. “Maybe not physically, but you’re going to spend all your time with her. You’re going to be soulmates . You’re not going to want anyone but her. And why would you hang out with any of us if you have her ? When you can get everything you need from just touching her? You’re not going to want to play video games or go on late night adventures to get ice cream. You’re not going to need me around to cheer you up or remind you to eat. She’ll be your…new...best…friend.” Jimin pulled his friend closer as the words poured out of him, tapering off into sobs again.

There was an ache in Jimin’s chest warning him Taehyung might not be entirely wrong. Jimin remembered Jungkook’s questions on the plane and wondered again how they were going to work out the logistics. There was no denying this girl was going to have a huge impact on their group dynamic. As if sensing his thoughts, Taehyung pulled away from him with a broken sigh.

“You’re not going to want me anymore.”

The insecurity in the Taehyung’s voice hurt Jimin worse than if he had punched him. Taehyung never let his guard down this far. Then again, nothing this big had ever happened before.

“No, that’s not true,” Jimin said forcefully, grabbing Taehyung’s face on either side. “Never. Okay?” Taehyung’s face crumpled and he buried it in Jimin’s neck.

“You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you,” Jimin replied, running one hand through Taehyung’s hair soothingly. “I don’t know a lot about what’s going to happen next, but I know that there will never be a time in my life when I don’t want you right here next to me. Ninety-fives for life, remember?”

“You say that now, but when you meet her…” Taehyung said hoarsely.

“Soulmates or not, she’s not coming between us. I’d rather starve than let her.”

“I’ve seen enough dramas to know that it’s too powerful. You’ll only want to be around her,” Taehyung answered seriously.

Jimin couldn’t stop the little laugh that bubbled out of his chest. “Dramas are not real life, Taetae. If they were, there’d be an amnesia epidemic in the news every day.” He felt Taehyung give one small chuckle against his chest then sniffle again. Both were quiet for a long moment, though the air was thick with all the thoughts they weren’t giving voice to.

“Everything is going to change, though,” Taehyung whispered. The statement sunk in heavily around them. It was stifling, the immensity of that knowledge, and Jimin wanted to kick and push at it for breathing room. The fear, becoming all too familiar today, rose in his chest and lodged itself inside his throat.

“Probably,” Jimin finally replied. “But you and I won’t.” And they both knew it wasn’t meant as a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. But what else was there to say?

The weight of responsibility pushed against Jimin’s lungs, turning into sickly guilt that spread through his veins. Everything wasn’t going to change, he was going to change everything. And for the first time since he’d noticed the dark bloom across his palms, he began to cry. Silently, his tears ran down his cheeks and mingled with Taehyung’s hair. Taehyung burrowed in closer and held him tightly, but it was a long time before either of them found sleep again and not that long before the alarm cut off their fitful dreams.

The sun was too bright and the traffic was too loud for a Tuesday. Soohee wandered listlessly down the street, unsure what to do with the rest of her day. She had been unceremoniously dismissed for the remainder of the work day. She still wasn’t sure what exactly had happened. One second, she was 100% vertical and then next she was a floor-pancake. She reached up and brushed the tender skin of her cheekbone where it had formed a violent friendship with the office carpet. She hoped she hadn’t earned yet another bruise. The ones on her hands really were sufficient.

Except for a small amount of beef broth on Monday night that had made her stomach churn and cramp (but still had provided her fleeting, fractional relief), she was now at nearly 70 hours without food. She had lost the optimism of Monday morning. Her attempt at aggressive bright-siding (she now had an extra half-hour to sleep in since she didn’t need to prepare and eat breakfast) waned considerably when the hunger clawing at her stomach made it impossible to sleep. She’d even lost the panic of Sunday morning. An aching fear and hopelessness had settled deep into her bones at some point, but everything had begun to feel simultaneously numbed by the passage of time and more urgent with every passing second.

She’d made it through Monday by gritting her teeth and hiding her shaking, marred hands from her coworkers. By the end of the day, she was fatigued and unfocused. But she thought a good night’s sleep would help more than it had. Well, not that she could consider last night good . But today, everything had gone sideways.

Her boss, a fretful germophobe, had taken one look at her pale face that morning and put on a mask. After she’d fainted (technically, she never lost consciousness, but he was unwilling to consider the nuance between fainting and collapsing ), he’d kicked her out with orders not to return until she had a doctor’s note clearing her for duty. She could have tossed out the magic words that proved she wasn’t contagious. But she wasn’t getting much done in her state anyway and she’d rather not be the subject of the office gossip mill.

So she had nowhere to be and no one expecting her. She barely considered going home. She was so tired of that house. Of being alone and lonely. She wasn’t sure a structure had ever been as empty as that one. What she really wanted was to curl up in the warmth of Eunha’s couch and watch anime for hours without thinking of her stomach. But Eunha’s shift at the department store wouldn’t be over for hours.

Her feet only took her a few blocks from the office before her legs began to shake from the exertion. She leaned against a brick wall and took several deep breaths, feeling her heart thrum inside her chest as if she’d run the distance instead. A bell above her pealed loudly and she jumped. Looking up, she realized she had stopped to rest outside a small chapel. She peered inside and saw that the small sanctuary was virtually empty.

Wanting nothing more than a chair and a quiet moment away from the grating sounds of the city,she ventured within. A lonely-looking harabeoji sat off to the side and two motherly-looking women huddled together in the front row, but the rest of the seats were empty. The priest intoned an unfamiliar greeting, and it seemed the Mass had begun. Soohee wasn’t sure why she sat, other than the weakness in her knees. She'd never been in a church before, so she wasn’t sure it was okay for her to be there. But she couldn’t make herself leave. Something about the quiet atmosphere and the colorful sunlight through the stained glass windows soothed her in a way nothing else had in days.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” the priest called out in a clear, kind voice. Without meaning to, Soohee leaned forward. That sounded nice. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Soohee drank in the words, hungry in more ways than one.

If pressed, her parents probably identified as Christians, but Soohee wasn’t sure that meant anything. She’d never really thought much about it herself. She was pretty sure there was some kind of power in the universe ordering the bigger movements and she supposed she could call that power God. How else did someone explain soulmates? It didn’t seem to conform to evolutionary biology in an effective way, so someone had to be orchestrating this complicated system. But Soohee had never really needed this power before in her life. Staring down potential starvation was apparently reordering her priorities.

She listened to every word the priest said, though not all of them made sense to her. Still, the God he spoke of seemed kind and like He cared about people , not just the broad strokes of the universe. Surely that God didn’t want her to starve to death. If He’d been the one to put her together with Park Jimin the first time, He must have a plan for their second meeting. She knew there were no guarantees, yet she felt a small measure of peace sneak into her chest and begin loosening the strangling fingers of fear. Somehow, this would all work out. She had to keep believing that.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t realize the short Mass had ended until she heard a side door close behind the two women and found herself alone in the sanctuary. She stood, her legs feeling slightly stronger. But instead of moving toward the exit, her feet drew her inexplicably forward toward the gentle flickering of votives off to one side. She had seen people on television light these candles with whispered prayers. She wasn’t sure how it worked and worried she might offend someone by thinking she was worthy of such an act.

But still, something compelled her hand to reach up and draw out a long matchstick. The sound of it scraping against the container felt loud in the reverent space, and she looked around with wide eyes. She was definitely alone. She lit it carefully on a fluttering flame and touched it to a dry wick. She wasn’t sure what to say or how to say it, so she just let the hope and fear and need well up in her heart and hoped it was enough. Nothing mystical or magical happened, but her heart felt a little lighter for the effort. With a small smile, she turned and crept back to the bright sunlight outside.

“You look awful,” Eunha greeted her. She was still in her uniform, paused in the middle of unlocking the front door of her parent’s house. “I haven’t heard from you in days. What’s up?”

Soohee felt a bead of sweat work down her spine. She swayed a little. Wandering around the city in the warmth of late spring had sapped her strength. Even sitting in the shade of a large tree in the nearby park for a few hours had been more effort than she’d expected.

“I was busy,” she replied, trying to disguise her breathlessness as disinterest. “Sorry.” Eunha’s eyes narrowed.

“Did you run here?” she asked, pulling her into the house. Soohee shook her head and sagged onto the couch. “Seriously, are you okay?”

Now that she was staring into the kind face of her best friend, she wondered why she’d wanted to keep this a secret. And yet, no matter how badly she wanted to share this, she couldn’t find the words. Everything seemed both inadequate and over-dramatic.

“I, uh, made you something,” she said, stalling for time. She reached into her purse and pulled out the drawing from the other night. “As a thank you for my birthday.” Eunha took it from her and sank into the other end of the couch. Her eyes widened as she tucked her feet under her.

“This is so good, Soohee,” she breathed. Soohee smiled shyly. Eunha grinned at her. “No, really, this is amazing. And way prettier than I actually am.”

“Shut up,” Soohee said, swatting at her. Eunha had been the most beautiful girl in their year all throughout school. “Anyway, it was the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“I’m having this framed,” Eunha warned teasingly. “Thank you, friend. I love it.” She set the drawing carefully on the coffee table next to her and turned back to Soohee. “That’s a great thank you for the concert, but what are you going to do to thank me for helping you find your soulmate?” Her voice was still light and teasing, but Soohee looked down at her hands uncomfortably.

“Uhh,” she began.

“You still don’t want a soulmate?” Eunha asked incredulously. “Even Park Jimin?”

“No, it’s not that…” Soohee said. She didn’t know where to begin. Finally, she met her friend’s expectant gaze. “I, uh… I stopped eating.” Eunha gasped.

“When?”

“I haven’t kept anything down since…” She looked at Eunha guiltily. “Before the concert?” She grimaced at the look she received.

“Holy shit.”

“I know.”

“How are you feeling?” Eunha asked hesitantly. Soohee could feel her eyes searching every inch of her face.

“Not great,” Soohee admitted. “I’m pretty shaky.”

“We need to find Park Jimin,” Eunha declared, grabbing her phone.

“I, um, I tried?” Soohee said, suddenly feeling stupid for not bringing Eunha along on her failed adventure. Why had she tried to manage this alone? “They left for Malaysia on Sunday. I don’t know when they’ll be back.”

“Oh my god,” Eunha said, staring at her.

She filled her friend in on all the things she had tried, eliciting horrified giggles and commiserating groans. She mentally kicked herself for thinking she had needed to be alone. Everything felt lighter around Eunha, the burden slightly dissipating. But even talking took a lot of effort and she found herself sinking deeper into the couch drowsily by the time she was finished.

“Soohee, you’re worrying me,” Eunha said, scooting forward to take hold of one of her hands. Usually, Soohee would gently pull away, but the warmth felt nice. “Geez, you’re freezing!”

“Yeah,” she replied sleepily. “It’s because of my parents.”

“What are you talking about?”

Soohee told her about the research she had done, unaware that her eyes had slid closed sometime during the explanation until Eunha was gently patting her face.

“Soohee?” The concern in her friend’s voice was enough to rouse her.

“Sorry, I’m not really sleeping well right now,” she answered, prying her eyes open. “Too hungry.”

“Are you hungry now?” Eunha asked.

“Hmmm,” Soohee said, thinking. “Not so much anymore. That’s interesting.”

“No, that’s not interesting, Soohee, that’s scary ,” Eunha said sharply. “That’s not a good sign.”

“I just need some sleep. Can I nap here for a little bit?”

“My little brothers are going to be home from school soon,” Eunha said. “Let’s go to my room, okay?” Eunha helped her stand and practically carried her to her room. “Are you sure we shouldn’t go to a hospital or something?”

“What are they going to do for me?” Soohee asked. Even she could tell her words were slurring now. She refused to use the word Stray, but it was on both their minds. “I just need to sleep. I’ll be better in a few hours.” She closed her eyes and buried her face into Eunha’s pillow, failing to notice the fear in her friend’s face as she did so.

Chapter Text

By the time they boarded the plane back to Seoul, Jimin was exhausted. Everyone else was sleepy and boneless, blissed out from days spent playing in the sun and the news of their fourth win for I Need U . Jimin was jealous. The quasi-vacation had removed years of stress from their features and he barely recognized his hyungs--they practically glowed with relaxation. He’d enjoyed a lot of the activities (except parasailing, which was too high to be entirely pleasant), but hiding his hands had been an obnoxious chore. Especially when they’d played in the water. Which was practically the whole time. Jimin just hoped strategic editing and post-production magic would come to his rescue.

Despite the constant vigilance and furtive reminders from the staff, Jimin’s hands weren’t what kept him from relaxing into the adventures with his members. It was the brain torpedo Taehyung had unwittingly planted in the recesses of Jimin’s mind in the wee hours of their first day in Kota Kinabalu. Taehyung never left his side for more than a few minutes, their heart-to-heart seemingly alleviating his fears and renewing their friendship. Jimin would never admit to his best friend that it’d had the opposite effect for him.

Jimin deliberately chose to sit next to Yoongi this time, hoping again for that calming influence. Taehyung glued himself to his other side and tried to distract him with games and movies. Jimin humored him for awhile but eventually gave in to Yoongi’s soft shoulder and reassuring gentle breathing.

Jimin was oddly relieved that there were no fans at the airport when they arrived. They seemed to have come home under the radar and that was just fine by him. In the van on the way back to the dorms, he overheard Yoongi and Namjoon talking about getting in some studio time before bed, which probably meant staying up until a ridiculous hour in the morning. Seokjin looked on wordlessly, but Jimin knew he was already calculating what time he would go out and drag them home.

Back at the dorm, everyone scattered to put away their things or grab showers. Jimin felt antsy. Everything his eyes fell on made him wonder about the changes coming. Their home was full of them and their things, so how was his soulmate going to fit into it? Would Jimin really have to move out? Yoongi and Namjoon disappeared out the door as soon as they threw their bags on their beds. Hoseok and Taehyung flopped on the couch with video game controllers.

“Jiminie, wanna play?” Taehyung called over.

“Nah,” he replied, unable to stomach the idea of sitting still. “I think I’m going to go dance for a while.” Taehyung wrinkled his nose in distaste but dropped the controller and stood up. “No, it’s alright, buddy. You don’t have to come. Stay and play with Hobi-hyung.” Taehyung waffled, torn between what he really wanted to do and what seemed to be his sworn duty to stay beside Jimin. Jimin smiled brightly at him, and he sunk back onto the couch.

“Wait for me,” Jungkook called out, his voice muffled by the hoodie he was pulling on over his t-shirt.

“If we hurry, we can walk with the hyungs,” Jimin said, waiting impatiently by the door. He and Jungkook sprinted down the stairs and caught up with the other boys less than a block away.

“What are you two doing?” Namjoon asked. “We’ve got a lot of work to get through for the album, so if you’re thinking of hanging out in the studio…”

“We’re headed to the practice room,” Jungkook answered quickly. “We’ll stay out of your way.”

They walked the rest of the way in companionable silence. When they arrived, Yoongi unlocked the dark practice room. Jimin started turning on lights while Yoongi and Namjoon disappeared into the studio through the soundproof door along the far wall.

“What do you want to work on?” Jungkook asked as they warmed up in the middle of the floor.

“I didn’t really have a plan. I just need to move,” Jimin answered, bending deep to work out the kinks of sleeping in an airplane seat. “You got anything?”

“I’ve been working on this Chris Brown song…” Jungkook replied. He hooked his iPod to the sound system and started a song. The choreography started simple, but built with the song. Jimin was mildly impressed. Jungkook’s style was an interesting mix of Jimin’s, Hoseok’s, and something entirely his own. Those weeks he’d spent in the states during training, learning ballet and girl group dances, had definitely worked a lyrical element into his style. Jimin watched closely until Jungkook halted in the middle of the bridge. “I haven’t figured out the rest yet.”

“Show me that last move again?” Jimin asked. Jungkook obliged. “How about this?” Jimin stood and demonstrated his thought, and Jungkook nodded. As they frequently did with these kinds of practices, Jungkook started the camera recording so they could play back what they had developed. Less than an hour later, Jimin had learned the entire first part and they were busy building the last elements together. The sweat and the burn helped Jimin process the angsty thoughts that had been plaguing him all day.

Finally, after another hour, Jungkook shut off the music and dropped to the floor dramatically. “I’m beat,” he groaned. Jimin knew the kid was more likely bored than tired. Their maknae was a workhorse when he was invested but could just as easily drop a task if it didn’t entertain or make him the best. Jimin still felt electricity buzzing up and down his limbs and knew he was nowhere near finished.

“You go ahead,” Jimin said, flipping through the songs on the iPod for something new. “I’m going to keep working.” Jungkook groaned again, but made no move to join him or to leave.

Jimin picked a song he and Hoseok had built choreography to over a year ago. He wondered if his muscles remembered what his brain couldn’t. He poured himself into the fast beat, improvising when he wasn’t sure what they had done in the past. Jungkook sat up and watched him closely. At the end of the song, Jimin stood panting for a moment and then chose another one, then another. Jungkook yawned loudly at the end of the fourth song and Jimin sighed.

“Seriously, you can go home. I’m going to be a while,” Jimin said tersely. He wasn’t exactly annoyed with Jungkook watching him but didn’t like the feeling that he was holding him here. He felt burdened enough as it was.

“You wanna talk about it?” Jungkook asked calmly, pressing a button on the iPod. The silence unnerved Jimin.

“No, I want to dance,” Jimin retorted.

“Fair enough,” Jungkook answered, unruffled. “Don’t stay too late. Jin-hyung will kill you if he has to come get you.” Jimin grimaced at him and took a long pull from a water bottle, the absence of music ringing in his ears after hours of pounding beats. Jungkook pulled on his hoodie, poked his head into the studio to say a brief goodnight to the hyungs, and left without a word or a glance for Jimin. The guilt from earlier spread down to Jimin’s bruised fingertips. He groaned and raked a hand through his hair. Just another thing I’ll have to apologize for later. He clenched his jaw and turned the music back on.

After another half-hour of punishing dance moves and more than a few new bruises, Jimin ran out of songs he was interested in. The sweat was pouring off of his skin in rivers. He pulled another water bottle out of the mini fridge in the corner and drank the entire thing in one gulp. No matter how he spun or twisted or dropped, his brain wouldn’t let go of the words Taehyung said last night.

Everything is going to change .

Rationality told him that he had no more control over this situation than any of the other boys, but that didn’t stop him from feeling like he was letting everyone down. He hadn’t felt this way since their first year after debut. He was the one with the least amount of training, the last to join the group. That first year, he’d felt like he failed at every turn and worried the group resented him for how far behind he was. But after countless hours in the gym and the practice room and endless solo vocal sessions, he had finally felt like he reached their level. Now, though, the feelings of inadequacy came back with a vengeance.

He stood in the center of the hardwood floor, breathing heavily and staring at his bruised hands. They suddenly felt like an anchor, a handicap. He couldn’t find any hope or romance in the idea right now. Either he wouldn’t find his soulmate and he’d starve to death, leaving Bangtan short a member, or he would find her and it would change everything. Where the other boys could just keep a power bar in their pocket for a quick hit of energy, he’d have to bring along a whole other human being. He grabbed his hair with both hands and groaned. He wanted to climb out of his own skin.

Instead, he turned the iPod back to the Chris Brown song from earlier and launched into another pass through the choreography. When five full times through didn’t shut off his brain, he admitted defeat and killed the music. The camera was still rolling from earlier, but he had no interest in watching himself tonight, so he just flipped the switch and used a spare towel from the stack on the shelf over the fridge to mop up the worst of his sweat. He imagined he smelled pretty terrific at the moment.

His phone showed a missed text from Taehyung from over an hour ago letting him know the younger was going to bed and reminding him to come home soon. He was surprised there wasn’t one from Seokjin yet, since the hyungs were still in the recording studio. He tucked the phone back into his pocket and pulled gently on the production room door.

“Hey,” Namjoon said in mild surprise when he slipped in and onto the couch. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry, am I bugging you? I can go…” He half rose from the couch, ready to scram at the first sign he was intruding.

“Nah, I just didn’t know you were still here. Kookie said goodbye almost two hours ago.”

Jimin settled back into the seat and shrugged noncommittally. “I needed to work off some energy.”

Yoongi glanced over his shoulder and eyed him critically. “You’re going to ruin the leather,” he said with a wrinkled nose. Jimin jumped up quickly.

“Sorry, hyung,” he said with a short bow.

“Dude, I was kidding,” Yoongi said, concerned. He spun in his chair to eye Jimin up and down. “What’s gotten into you?”

Jimin quirked his lips noncommittally and watched as the two older boys traded a look. “Sorry,” he said again. “I’ll let you guys work.” He backed toward the door.

“Sit,” Namjoon ordered curtly, turning halfway toward him. He didn’t often pull out his leader voice these days, but Jimin recognized it instantly. Jimin swallowed and lowered himself onto the cushion, trying to touch as little of it as possible. “Spill.”

“What?” Jimin asked.

“You’re wound tighter than Kookie’s laundry,” Yoongi replied. Jimin smiled slightly. Jungkook had this weird habit of balling up each piece of dirty clothing in a tight bundle before putting it in the hamper. Well, when he remembered to put it in the hamper and not all over his bed. “What’s going on?” Yoongi pressed. Jimin was quiet for a moment, looking between the two expectant faces on either side of him.

“I’m fucking everything up.”

Both hyungs paused. Another look passed between them before they simultaneously let go of their keyboards and mice, turning to focus entirely on Jimin. Namjoon titled his head in confusion, and Jimin felt like the leader was trying to see through Jimin's skull and into his brain.

“And how’s that?” Namjoon asked, nonplussed.

“This whole soulmate thing,” Jimin blurted. “I’m ruining Bangtan.”

Yoongi blinked, the only hint of emotion on his blank face in the slight dip of his eyebrows.“In what way, exactly, have you ruined Bangtan?”

“Well, nothing yet,” Jimin said. “But I know it’s coming. I won’t be able to do anything without this girl. She’s going to be around all the time and it’s going to get in the way of everything. I’m going to handicap us.”

“I’m not sure I see the problem,” Namjoon said honestly. Jimin wanted to shake him. How could he not see it? “It’s going to be an adjustment, but it’s not going to ruin anything.”

“Jimin, you know you’re not doing any of this, right?” Yoongi asked. “Even if what you’re saying is true, which I don’t think it is, it’s not actually your fault.”

“It’s still me causing the problem though,” he replied, sighing. “It’ll be like our first year all over again." The boys stared at him. "...when I couldn’t keep up and dragged everybody down?”

Namjoon sat back, startled. Yoongi scrunched his face up in characteristic disapproval.

“I’m sorry, what now?” Namjoon asked. Jimin stared at him.

“Right after debut,” Jimin said slowly, the obviousness of his statements making him feel foolish. “When I didn’t know anything and…”

“When?” Yoongi interrupted him, peering intently at him as if Jimin wasn’t speaking plain Korean.

Jimin groaned in frustration. Were they not hearing him? “Back with the EP, when I wasn’t as good as any of the rest of you and I held us back from—“

“Seriously, what are you talking about?” Namjoon broke in. “When did you ever hold us back? During No More Dream when you were literally the only one Bang PD-nim thought was fit enough to flash his abs in the MV? Or was it that high note you hit after flinging yourself through the air off our backs that dragged us down?” Jimin blinked slowly at Namjoon, not quite sure of what he was hearing. “Or maybe it was during Bulletproof when you literally flew over Hoseok on every single music show and never faltered on your landing?”

Jimin stared at him. Namjoon stared back, an intensity blazing in his eyes. Jimin saw actual bewilderment there, which only confused him more. From the beginning, he’d felt like they were having two different conversations, but now he wondered if they’d experienced two different realities. The soundproof room seemed to swallow the silence that followed, making it more dense and heavy.

“Jimin, did you really feel like that for our whole first year?” Yoongi asked, his voice soft and worried. It made Jimin want to squirm.

“Well, not the whole year…”

“But for a while, apparently?” Yoongi pushed.

“I was the last to join. I only had a year of training,” Jimin said, feeling like he was telling them the sky was blue while they insisted it was purple. “I wasn’t as good as the rest of you.”

“Well, obviously we didn’t notice,” Namjoon said slowly. Jimin could only stare at him. “Listen, I don’t want to invalidate your feelings—you must have felt them pretty strongly if you’re still hanging on to them after all this time—but I swear to you, I've never felt like you were holding us back.”

Yoongi’s eyes narrowed, then widened in discovery. “When we say in interviews that you improved the most, you get that we’re not ragging on you, right?” he asked, staring at him hard. Jimin only shrugged. “You have improved in so many ways, but that doesn’t mean we think you sucked before. I mean, Jesus, is that what you’ve been hearing?”

“Well, it’s the truth, right?” Jimin asked, though he didn’t really feel like he needed to. He knew the answer already.

Namjoon swore under his breath. “Why didn’t you tell us this before?”

“Tell you what?” Jimin barked, his incredulous frustration making his hands twist in his lap. “That I was the weakest member at debut? I was pretty sure we all knew it.” Namjoon bowed his head for a moment and took a calming breath. Jimin wasn’t quite sure why he was getting so impatient with him. “Listen, we all know I’m not the best singer—that’s Kookie. I’m not the best dancer—that’s Hobi. I’m not even close to the best looking. And I don’t write or produce like you guys. And god knows I can’t rap to save my life. So you tell me: who’s the weakest?”

“Shut up,” Yoongi snapped, his blank confusion replaced by fury. Jimin sat back a little, surprised. “No, seriously, shut the hell up. You have no idea how angry it makes me when you talk about yourself like that. We’ve used some of these things as jokes for Bombs and broadcasts, but I never for one second thought you believed this shit. Jimin, we would not be the Bangtan we are today without you. I can’t believe you can’t see that.”

Jimin was suddenly reminded of the leader’s words a few days ago, after their second win on a music show. Jimin had been overcome with emotion and Namjoon had said something similar. It was a nice thought, but he didn’t believe it any more now than he had then. He sighed and the resulting silence hung thick and uncomfortable between the three of them.

“That’s not even my point,” he said slowly, wondering exactly when this conversation had gotten so far away from him. “I didn’t mean to get into all of this. I’m just worried about what’s happening now, how my soulmate…problem…is going to affect us.”

“But it sounds like the only reason you’re worried about now is that you think it’s happening again , and we’re trying to tell you it never happened in the first place,” Namjoon said. He shot a helpless look at Yoongi.

“Jimin, you are not fucking everything up. You are not ruining Bangtan,” Yoongi said firmly, looking him in the eye. “Bangtan is a family and we all support one another, no matter what. Right?” Jimin nodded glumly. “Families grow and change together and sometimes a brother brings home a sister-in-law. And the family welcomes her because that’s what families do. You get me?”

Jimin took a deep breath and nodded. His anxiety and guilt seeped out of his pores like sweat, but he still stared between his hyungs to make sure they really meant it.

“Everything might change,” Yoongi continued. “But it doesn’t mean it’s going to get worse or be ruined. It’ll just be new and we’ll figure it out as we go.”

“But…” Jimin began, thinking through all the arguments he had yet to make.

“No,” Namjoon said firmly. “As leader, I’m ordering you to let this go.” His voice was so unusually authoritative, so much more than even his rare leader voice, that he couldn’t help but smirk and ruin the effect. Jimin grinned, and Yoongi snorted. The tension dissipated instantly.

“Seriously, though,” Yoongi said gently. “Everything is going to be fine. Nothing is ruined.” Jimin nodded.

“God, Jiminie,” Namjoon said, getting up and pulling him into a headlock. “You’re ridiculous, sometimes, you know that?” Jimin giggled brightly, suddenly feeling kilos lighter. Namjoon poked at his sides mercilessly and he tried to squirm away. Yoongi rolled his eyes, but a small smile crept across his lips.

“Wait, sister-in-law?” Jimin said around a mouthful of Namjoon’s arm. “Oh god, I’m basically getting married, aren’t I?” He felt his eyes widen in shock and heard Yoongi dissolve into a fit of gasping chuckles. “You’re not helping, jerk.”

“Soohee, you need to wake up,” a voice called, penetrating her dream. “Now.” She batted sleepily at the hands on her face and groaned, her eyes still closed. “Open your eyes or I’m calling your mother.”

“What’s wrong?” Soohee croaked, prying her eyelids apart and peering moodily up at Eunha, who was perched on the bed next to her. She dimly noted it was much darker in the room than before. “What time is it?”

“It’s nearly seven,” Eunha said, her jaw set in something that looked like anger or frustration. “You’ve been asleep for over 5 hours.” Soohee could tell she was trying to keep her tone neutral, but there was a hint of something ominous there.

Soohee sat up quickly and immediately regretted it, as the room spun drunkenly. “Oh god,” she groaned, putting a hand to her head. “Sorry. Like I said, I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“You’re also starving,” Eunha said quietly. Soohee pushed herself up to sit against the headboard and tried to stifle a yawn. Eunha climbed across the bed until she was next to her, putting an arm across her shoulders and pulling her close. “I’m really scared for you.”

“I’m going to be fine,” Soohee said, more confidence than she expected filling her voice. “Really, it’s going to work out.”

“I never pegged you for an optimist,” Eunha said, surprised.

“What?” Soohee exclaimed, pulling back to look at her friend. “I’m a very positive person!” Eunha raised her eyebrows, then looked away guiltily. Soohee furrowed her brow at this and considered for a moment. “Am I really not?”

Eunha laughed lightly. “You’re not some doomsday downer, if that’s what you’re asking,” she replied, squeezing Soohee’s shoulders. “You’re just usually too…pragmatic to see the silver lining.”

“Huh,” Soohee said. She’d have to think about that some more, possibly at another time when she wasn’t potentially dying. “Food for thought, I guess.”

“What are you going to do?” Eunha asked softly, fear lacing her voice.

“First thing tomorrow morning, I’m going to the BigHit offices and I’m going to camp out until someone talks to me,” Soohee answered, unsure where all this determination was coming from. “I’ll just make a scene until someone helps me.”

“Okay…” Eunha said. Soohee could tell she didn’t have the same confidence in her plan. “And if that doesn’t work?”

“I’ll go to the nearest news station and show them my bruises and tell them Park Jimin is my soulmate and…make a scene until someone helps me?” Soohee said with a shrug. “Unless you have any better ideas?”

“Not really,” Eunha said sadly. She pulled away to look Soohee up and down. “Are you feeling better?”

Soohee took mental inventory of herself. The nap did seem to have replenished some of her energy. Her stomach wasn’t clawing at her in hunger anymore, which probably should have scared her more than it did. She was just relieved the uncomfortable sensation was gone. Her hands weren’t shaking like before, although she wondered what might happen when she tried to stand. On the whole, though, the sleep had worked a sort of restorative magic.

“Yeah, I’m doing okay,” she said, nodding. “Honestly, I thought I’d feel worse by now. I read that I might have muscle spasms or hallucinate.” Eunha blanched, and Soohee suddenly felt bad for scaring her. “I mean, unless you’re not real?” she asked in an exaggerated voice, reaching up to probe Eunha’s face in a ridiculous imitation of a blind person. Eunha giggled and wriggled away. Soohee silently sighed in satisfaction.

“What do you want to do with the rest of the evening?” Eunha asked. With the change of subject, a silent but palpable pact formed between them to let it go and pretend everything was okay. Soohee squeezed her friend’s knee in gratitude and looked around the room for options.

“I don’t know,” she said slowly. “Got any new movies I haven’t seen?”

“Oh, yeah, I totally forgot,” Eunha said, leaping off the bed and bounding toward her desk. Soohee would never admit it, but just watching the other girl move so effortlessly made her feel tired. She was pretty sure she was worse off than she had let on, but since there was literally no one but Park Jimin who could help her, she wasn’t sure what the point would be in scaring her friend. Eunha pounced on the bed with a DVD case in her hand. “I got the new season of One Piece .”

“Really?” Soohee asked, suddenly very interested. “I thought you were waiting for your next paycheck.”

“Nope,” Eunha said, pulling a disk out and feeding it into the player. “I’m so excited!”

“Me, too,” Soohee replied, pulling aside the covers for Eunha to join her.

They burrowed into the pillows and spent the next several hours watching their favorite show. Soohee struggled to keep up with the plot, her eyes desperate to slide closed even after such a short period of wakefulness. She really didn’t want to scare Eunha, so she stopped trying to follow the story and just worked to stay awake. Still, she wasn’t entirely surprised when she felt Eunha’s hands shaking her a while later. Coming out of sleep this time was much more difficult than before, and she fought through layers of fog before she could fully focus on Eunha’s face.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “How long was I out?”

“Just a few episodes,” Eunha said lightly. Something in her voice made Soohee suspicious.

“What time is it?”

“Midnight…”

“Oh, unnie, I’m so sorry!” she cried. “I’m such a bad friend! I tried to stay awake, really.”

“It’s okay,” Eunha said. Soohee could see a mask of gentle concern had fallen over her friend’s features, covering what she was certain was a much graver expression. “Really. You’re not a bad friend, you just don’t feel well.” Soohee groaned.

“I wish I’d never met him.”

She hadn’t meant to say the words, hadn’t even consciously been thinking them, but there they were, out in the open.

Eunha nodded thoughtfully. “I get it,” she said slowly. “I wish I hadn’t taken you to that fansign.”

“Well, now, that’s ridiculous,” Soohee responded, scrunching her nose. “Don’t you dare go blaming yourself for this. Besides, I’m an optimist, remember? It’s going to be fine.” Eunha rolled her eyes but didn’t respond. “I should probably go home, you know.”

“Stay the night,” Eunha offered. “It’s not like anyone is waiting up for you.”

“You have to work so early tomorrow,” Soohee reminded her, all of a sudden feeling anxious to leave. “You don’t need me hogging the covers and keeping you up.”

“Probably not,” Eunha agreed, smirking. “Stay anyway.”

“I think the fresh air will do me some good,” Soohee said, trying her best to keep her voice light.

The truth was, she could feel the muscles in her right calf beginning to spasm. And if that was happening, she knew it wouldn’t be long until the other terrifying symptoms started. As much as she was trying to put on a confident front for her friend, there was fear in the pit of her stomach. She was starting down a rapid decline and, from everything she had read, the bottom wasn’t a pretty place. She didn’t want Eunha to witness what could be the last gruesome hours of her life. The next time Eunha tried to wake her up, she might not be successful.

She pushed herself out of the bed and tried her best to cover her dizziness by peering intently at something on Eunha’s nightstand. “I don’t think I’ve read this book,” she said, tapping her fingers lightly on the cover but really using it to catch her balance. “Is it any good?”

Eunha shrugged noncommittally. “Are you sure you’re okay to get home?”

“Oh, sure,” Soohee said brightly, surreptitiously testing her right leg. It felt awful, but it held. “I’m just going to walk as far as the main road and then hail a cab.” Eunha stood with her, her hands fluttering uselessly as she tried to think of ways to help Soohee. Soohee gritted her teeth behind her smile and vowed she would make it out the front door without giving herself away.

“Why don’t you at least have a drink of water before you go?” Eunha asked. Soohee nodded and followed her out to the living area of the house. She perched uneasily on the arm of the couch while Eunha brought her the glass. She forced herself to drink it slowly, but it felt amazingly good against her throat. By the time the glass was empty, the muscles in her leg had calmed some. She must have gotten a little dehydrated, but it was so hard to tell thirst from hunger.

“Thanks,” she said, standing and passing the empty glass to Eunha. Her feet felt like lead. “I’ll call you tomorrow if anything happens.”

“Call me even if nothing does,” Eunha said. Something about this moment felt a little like a farewell, but Soohee pushed the thought away the second it formed. She was going to be fine; she was only leaving just in case . She kept that as a low-level mental mantra as she nodded, smiled, and walked out of the house.

She hadn’t lied to Eunha when she’d said she intended to hail a cab, but by the time she reached the main road, she’d forgotten all about it. The night air felt nice on her skin, although the day’s humidity had only thickened with the darkness. She propelled herself forward, ignoring the way the toes of her shoes dragged on the pavement.

Sounds, lights, even the ground, grew distant, as if the world were pulling away from her. Or maybe she was pulling away from it. She stumbled and caught herself on a signpost. A couple passed her, and she thought she caught a few abrasive words about public drunkenness. She tried to retort, but by the time her brain formed a suitable phrase, the couple was nowhere to be seen. She leaned heavily on the post, sliding toward the ground a little.

Something dug into her thigh. She frowned down at the ugly tear in her favorite sundress. She wanted to cry. It really was the best dress. It was flowy and swirly and kind of flirty if she wanted it to be but still professional enough for work and the slight ruching on the bodice did her all kinds of favors and now everything was ruined. Her sandals slapped against the ground angrily, too caught up in her inexplicable, all-consuming grief to watch where she was going. It went with so many things in her closet. A real foundational piece, lending itself to layering with a cardigan or a more structured jacket for the cooler days of spring. She frowned again, realizing she’d left her sweater at Eunha’s house.

She turned back to retrieve it and stopped, looking around in confusion. She wasn’t entirely sure where she was, how she’d gotten there, or how long she’d been walking, but if the buildings were any indication, she had wandered deep into the business district, miles from her own neighborhood. Thunder cracked above her and she was so startled, she fell to the ground with a yelp.

The biting scrape of concrete on her knees did not feel distant at all. The skies opened and rain splattered the ground around her. She wanted to add her own tears to the downpour, but even that felt like too much effort. She took a deep breath. Should she call someone? She thought of Eunha but discarded the notion with a vague memory of… reasons . She shook her head hard to clear it. She could call her parents, she supposed. But a sour taste filled her mouth at the thought. They were never who she wanted when she needed something.

Her heart thudded in her chest, working harder than seemed reasonable. And with every heartbeat, her brain pulsed one name at her. Park Jimin.

But I don’t have his number .

She found this thought ridiculously amusing and laughed until she was breathless, leaning against the trash bin on the sidewalk where she had fallen. She eventually became aware of her soaked dress and the persistent rain drops on her face. A small voice in her head urged her to stand up and keep moving. She thought about arguing with it, but the concrete was cold and kind of scratchy, so the voice probably had a point. With a petulant sigh, she pushed herself to her feet and trudged onward.

The last remnant of the rational part of her mind told her she should be very scared, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on why . At the next cross street, it felt really important to turn left, so she did. As if from far away, she heard honking and registered headlights flash as a car swerved around her. Why is there a car on the sidewalk? she wondered indignantly. A second, different horn honking broke through enough to tell her she needed to get out of the street. She followed the sidewalk for a while and then turned right for no other reason than it seemed like a good idea.

Finally, she stopped outside a set of glass doors. They seemed familiar somehow. She tried to pull one of them open, but it wouldn’t budge. The lobby inside was barely lit, but something about it was memorable. She had been here before. Do I live here? she thought. No, I don’t think so. Is this my office? Ooooh,  I wonder if Youngdae’s here. He makes excellent coffee. But no, none of that felt right either.

Her legs shook. Standing felt like the worst plan she’d ever had. There was a newspaper stand nearby and it looked rather welcoming to her. Her body lurched toward it, but her feet stayed behind. She landed hard on the sidewalk and groaned. That was not what she had intended to do. But now that I’m down here… she thought resourcefully. She curled up on her side so she could look at those pretty glass doors into that lovely lobby. I don’t live here, but this feels like home. A dark cloud descended on her, but she struggled to put thought to a strange feeling welling up in her before she left consciousness. If I die, ARMY’s going to be really pissed at me for letting Park Jimin starve .

Chapter Text

Namjoon had promised him they were almost done nearly an hour ago, so Jimin had stayed behind to walk home with them. He should have known better, really, but now that he’d purged himself of his guilt, it was nice to sit in the quiet room and watch them work. He’d stretched out on the couch a while ago and dozed lightly, waiting for them to finish.

“Goddammit,” Yoongi groaned, throwing his pen onto his desk. Namjoon lifted his head phones off his ears and turned.

“Let me hear,” he said. Yoongi pulled his own headphones down around his neck and pulled the cord out of the jack to let the song play. Their years of working together gave them a shorthand and lingo made up almost entirely of half-hearted gestures and grunts that Jimin was only able to decipher 85% of the time. And yet, it didn’t make him feel like an outsider--it was comforting in its organic rhythm. He kept his eyes closed and listened to the three or four measures Yoongi let play before stopping the track. It was a song they had recorded two weeks ago that would hopefully make it onto their next album.

“I can’t get this part right,” Yoongi huffed. “It feels too…empty.”

“Hmmm,” Namjoon said thoughtfully. Without being asked, Yoongi played the section again, then a third time. “Add in the snare and more bass. And maybe less piano?”

“I tried that,” Yoongi said. Jimin could hear him clicking the mouse and tapping a few keys. “But listen.” He played the track again. Jimin heard only a slight difference, but Namjoon scoffed. “Right?!” Yoongi moaned.

“Yeah, that doesn’t work,” Namjoon agreed. Jmin could practically hear his nose wrinkling in disgust. They tinkered with the track over and over again, playing only those three measures every time, and Jimin wondered how they didn’t go insane from the monotony. He was glad he wasn’t expected to produce. He wondered if this one would end up in a drawer like so many of their tracks Yoongi was dissatisfied with.

After at least a dozen times through, Jimin began tuning out their voices and the music, hearing only the lyrics. Jimin remembered the afternoon when they’d all gathered in here to record it. It was Jungkook’s part, but Jimin had listened almost jealously, wishing he could sing it an octave higher for a few bars before coming back down to join Jungkook in a harmony.

“Hey,” Yoongi said, nudging Jimin’s shin with the toe of his shoe. Jimin opened his eyes guiltily.

“Oh, sorry, hyung,” he said. “I didn’t mean to do that out loud. Keep working, I’ll shut up.”

“No, do that again,” Namjoon said. Jimin sat up and cleared his throat.

“What?”

“Whatever you just did, do it again,” Yoongi ordered. Both boys were looking at him as if he held some kind of secret. Yoongi hit the spacebar and the song started again. Jimin shrugged and repeated what he had been thinking of before.

“Could be…” Yoongi said.

Namjoon nodded seriously. “I think so.”

Jimin looked between them, feeling like he was missing at least a dozen words of this conversation. This was the other 15%. “What?” he repeated.

“Get in the booth,” Yoongi ordered, turning back to his screen and plugging in the headphone cord again.

Jimin stood, still slightly unsure what was happening. “You want me to record that?” Yoongi just rolled his eyes as if Jimin were being stupid on purpose. Jimin shrugged and stepped into the recording room. Through the glass, he watched Namjoon and Yoongi eagerly talking and pointing at something on Yoongi’s screen. He stepped up to the microphone and put on the headphone monitors.

Yoongi pressed play and the track filled Jimin’s ears. “Can I get a little less of the track and more of Kookie?” he asked into the microphone. Yoongi nodded and made the adjustments.

“We’re ready when you are. Just do what you did before,” Yoongi’s said, his voice tinny and distant in the headphones.

The track started again, and Jimin did exactly what they asked of him. They recorded it twice just to make sure. He was about to pull off the headphones when Yoongi said, “Let’s do it again, but this time really play with it. Whatever you want to do, do it.”

“You sure, hyung?” Jimin asked with an evil grin through the window, but Yoongi just stared back, almost daring him.

“Fuck shit up.”

Jimin shrugged. When the track began again, he jumped to the higher octave, but played around with the scale a little, then added in an “ooooh, baby” in English before hitting the harmony with Jungkook’s part. Yoongi put him through his paces a few more times, until the vocalization started to feel stale. Finally, he allowed Jimin to take off the headphones and exit the booth. Jimin felt even lighter than after their earlier conversation.

Jimin was just about to flop back on the couch when his phone chirped out a Kakao alert. Just two words, from Seokjin, “Seriously, Jimin?” He laughed at how much annoyance and disappointment Seokjin was able to fit into those two words. The other boys looked up at him in question, but then both of their phones buzzed against the desk.

“Hyung,” they said in unison. Jimin laughed again.

“He says we have 20 minutes before he comes over here to drag our asses home,” Yoongi, glancing at his phone.

“Seokjin-hyung, swearing?” Jimin asked, mildly surprised.

“Well, it is nearly three in the morning,” Namjoon said. “We probably should pack up. He’ll be really pissed if he actually has to come over here.”

The other boys nodded and made quick work of gathering their things.

“At least we don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow morning,” Yoongi said with a sigh as he shut off the light and locked the door behind them. “Ugh, it’s pouring.” There were no windows in the production room, but the other side of the hallway was entirely plate glass, blurred by sheets of rain.

Jimin didn’t mind much. Although the sweat from his workout had long ago dried, he was going to have to shower when they got back to the dorms, so it wasn’t exactly a tragedy to get wet on the way home. They took the elevators down to the dim lobby and were about to walk out, when Namjoon grabbed their arms.

“Is that…” he said slowly. “Is there someone sleeping on the sidewalk?”

Jimin peered out the glass doors at the lump on the pavement. It was so small and wet, he wasn’t sure what he was seeing. The headlights of a passing car fell on it for just a second.

“It’s a girl,” Jimin said quietly. “Something’s wrong with her…” He moved to open the door, but Yoongi stopped him. He looked at the older boy in question.

“Maybe we should call someone,” Yoongi said, unsure. “It could be a sasaeng. We’ve had a lot of issues lately.”

“Really?” Jimin asked. That was news to him. This comeback was putting them on the map like never before, so it shouldn’t have been surprising that they’d gained more negative attention, too. But the girl looked harmless. In fact, she looked harmed . He could see now that her knees were scraped and he wasn’t sure she was breathing. “She needs help. I’m going.” Without waiting for the other boys, he stepped out into the rain and knelt down by the girl.

She looked even more pathetic up close, her skin pale and freckled with raindrops. Her thin sundress clung to her, soaked through and providing little barrier to the chill. She shivered slightly and her chest rose and fell too rapidly. Jimin reached out a hand but stopped midway. Touching her might be a bad idea. “Miss?” he called. She didn’t respond. “Are you okay?” The girl remained as still as stone. Finally, he gripped her arm to shake her.

She was freezing and clammy, but he only felt that for a second before there was an incredible warmth radiating from her skin into his hand and up his arm. It was an electric feeling, magnetic. But it was so surprising, he jerked his hand away. Instantly, the strangest sensation gripped him, as if he had lost something precious and should do insane things to get it back. He sensed rather than saw Yoongi and Namjoon join him in the rain.

He must have gasped or yelped or something, because Namjoon grabbed his arm and asked, “What’s wrong? Did she hurt you?” Jimin shook his head, dazed, and reached out to touch her again.

The second he made contact, the warmth spread once more, this time all the way up his arm and into his chest. It was like nothing he had ever felt before. It was euphoria and satiation and wholeness and sunshine-made-tangible. His eyes were drawn inescapably downward until they landed on her hand, limp on the wet sidewalk. Her palm was a sickly greyish-purple and, like adding the final piece to a jigsaw puzzle, everything clicked into place in his mind.

Without consciously choosing to, he fitted his fingers between hers until all the marks lined up perfectly. Yoongi was saying something in his right ear, tugging gently on his arm, but he didn’t register it right away. “It’s you ,” he breathed.

“Jimin,” Yoongi called over the sound of the rain, finally penetrating Jimin’s thoughts. “What are you doing?”

“It’s her,” he whispered hoarsely.

“What?” Yoongi yelled.

“It’s HER,” Jimin yelled back, turning to look his hyung in the eye. “She’s my soulmate!”

Yoongi sat back on his haunches, stunned. “How…”

“Look at our hands,” Jimin said, holding them up a little higher. Namjoon and Yoongi both leaned in closer to see, then looked back at him in shock. Jimin grinned wildly. “I found her!”

“She looks like she’s dying,” Namjoon called, fear coloring his expression. Jimin looked down at the girl, still completely unconscious, and choked on his own breath.

“Oh god,” Jimin said. He had been so surprised by the frisson of energy coming off her skin, he'd temporarily forgotten about the rest of her.

Without thinking, he let go of her hands and scooped her into his arms, rushing back to the front doors. The ID card in his pocket tripped the sensor near the handle and the door opened effortlessly. He slid a little on the tile floor, his shoes leaving puddles behind. He set her gently on one of the plush couches in the waiting area and patted her face gently. Namjoon and Yoongi were right behind him, hovering cluelessly.

“Should we call someone?” he asked, desperately, smoothing her wet hair out of her face and trying to rouse her.

Namjoon and Yoongi traded a panicked look. “I don’t know,” Yoongi said. “She looks like she might need a doctor…” Despite wanting to help her, they all knew the reality of their situation: calling an ambulance to their management offices in the middle of the night to help a strange soaking-wet girl could be disastrous for their reputation and the company. “Maybe Sejin?”

Jimin rested both hands on the girl’s cheeks and said softly, “Miss, are you okay? We need you to wake up and talk to us.” He felt for a pulse along her neck and found it rapid but weak.

Namjoon had just pulled out his phone to dial their manager when the girl blinked slowly and muttered something. They all froze. Jimin leaned closer and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“Can’t let Park Jimin starve. ARMY will be so...sad.”

Jimin looked at the other boys. Their incredulous looks matched his own. He looked back to find the girl’s eyes closed again, her head lolling against his hand. The energy was still pulsing between their skin, and Jimin felt like he couldn’t get enough of it.

“Miss, can you tell me what’s wrong? Why are you…” He didn’t really know how to phrase what he wanted to know. Why was she so weak? Why had she been laying on the sidewalk in the rain. “What happened to you?” Her eyelids fluttered but didn’t open.

“So hungry,” she moaned and burrowed her face into Jimin’s hand. Jimin was stunned. How could she need him this much already? And yet, he knew without anyone telling him that she was starving to death. He didn’t know if his observation skills were working overtime today or if this was some weird soulmate thing, but he suddenly knew he needed to close the distance between their skin. Still, he hesitated. He didn’t know her at all. And she was barely conscious. What was even the social protocol here?

“Can I…” he stuttered. He was keenly aware of his hyungs watching his every move. It occurred to him that he really shouldn’t care about propriety at a time like this. She was fading away in front of him and might not be able to give him permission even if he could work out how to ask. Without another word, he scooped her back up and flipped their positions, so that he was on the couch and she was settled across his lap. Namjoon made a strange sound in the back of his throat, and Yoongi looked away hastily. Jimin looked up desperately. “She’s dying, guys.”

This statement seemed to spur them into action. Namjoon finished dialing their manager and stepped a few feet away, putting the phone to his ear. Yoongi muttered the word “towels” and scurried away toward the elevators.

Jimin tucked the girl’s head under his chin, shifting so that as much of her as possible was against his chest. Never in the last three days, when he’d allowed himself to think of their reunion, had he ever imagined it would look anything like this. She felt like a feather in his arms. The cold clamminess of her skin scared him. He carefully laid his bare forearm against the length of hers, leaving his other arm under her back to support her weight, insignificant though it was.

He overheard pieces of what Namjoon was saying to their manager but couldn’t make out the whole conversation. And he wasn’t sure he cared. Because now that she was in his arms, he could barely focus on anything but her and the rippling flow of heat wherever their bodies connected. No matter what anyone had ever said about soulmates, nothing could’ve actually prepared him for this. It felt like...coming home.

Yoongi scurried back into the lobby, sliding the last meter to the couch on wet shoes. His arms were loaded down with towels from what Jimin could only assume was the main floor gym. He dropped all but one on the seat next to Jimin. He started to reach out with the last one to wipe at the girl’s face but hesitated, looking at Jimin with a strange expression. It took a heartbeat and a half for Jimin to realize Yoongi was asking for permission. Jimin nodded, bemused, and watched Yoongi gently mop up the drips on the girl’s brow.

“How is she?” Yoongi asked in a whisper.

“I don’t know,” Jimin replied. “I can feel it, though.” The two boys stared at each other for a long moment.

“What’s it like?” Yoongi whispered, his eyes wide in wonder.

“Unreal, hyung,” Jimin replied in a matched whisper. “Just…nothing I’ve ever felt.” He didn’t have more words for it and wasn’t sure he ever would.

“Hey, guys,” Namjoon called, striding toward them. “Hyungnim said he’s on his way with the doctor but that we should get out of the lobby. There’s too much exposure to the street here.”

Jimin looked around with new eyes, taking in the plate glass windows and the unconscious woman in his lap, and imagined what this might look like to a stranger on the street. Or worse, an overeager journalist. He nodded tersely. Pulling his arm away from the girl’s, he draped a towel over her torso, partially to warm her and partially to obscure her. The older boys helped gather the rest of the towels while Jimin stood and resituated her in his arms for the elevator ride.

Following Namjoon’s lead, they returned to the production room. Jimin lowered both of them onto the couch, resuming his position from the lobby. The girl made no move the entire journey there, and Jimin was starting to get terribly worried. He patted her cheek again but received only a soft moan in response.

“How can we help?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin shrugged. He wasn’t even sure if what he was doing was helpful. “You guys should dry off,” he said, tossing his head to get his own dripping hair out of his eyes. “The last thing we need is for any of us to get sick.” He pulled on the edge of the towel covering the girl and bent awkwardly to try to deal the itching drips on his face, but it didn’t quite reach. Before he could try again, Namjoon threw a towel over Jimin’s head and tousled it dry. It was a little rough but effective. “Thanks, hyung.”

Yoongi turned toward the door as if he heard something and soon after, Jimin recognized the sound of rapid footfalls in the hall outside. He let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. Sejin would tell him what to do. The door swung open, and they were all surprised to see a livid Seokjin standing on the threshold with a dripping umbrella clenched in his fist.

“Do you idiots know what time it is?” he scolded. “It is nearly four in the morning and it is raining and I should be sleep—“ Seokjin stopped his tirade abruptly, his eyes widening in alarm as they fell on the towel-swaddled girl in Jimin’s lap. “Who...is that?”

“Uh…” Jimin began. “I don’t actually know her name, but…”

“You what?” Seokjin gasped, his voice strangled.

“She’s his soulmate,” Yoongi blurted, stepping forward with hands outstretched in a calming manner. “We found her passed out in the rain out front. We didn’t know what else to do.”

“So you…snuggled her?” Seokjin looked part scandalized, part bewildered, and in any other moment, Jimin would have burst out laughing. Instead, he shrugged for the millionth time that night.

“She’s freezing and unconscious and I’m pretty sure she’s starving to death,” Jimin answered quietly. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Oh,” Seokjin said. By the race of emotions crossing his face, he'd finally caught up. “Right, skinship is the right thing. Sure.” His voice was slightly fainter than usual, but he swallowed hard and seemed to come back to himself a little bit.

Namjoon started to fill Seokjin in on the little more they knew, but Jimin had turned his attention back to the girl in his arms. He wished she would wake up. He wished he knew her name. Tenderly, so as not to disturb her, he patted a towel against her face and throat and brushed the damp tendrils of dark hair out of the way. He peered closely at her cheeks and wondered if maybe they had more color in them than before.

“Wow, she’s really pretty, Jimin,” Seokjin whispered next to him. Jimin hadn’t noticed him move closer. He looked up at the eldest’s face, but it was turned down to stare at the girl in wonder. “Like, really pretty.” Jimin looked down at her, too, and had to agree. He hadn’t really taken the time to do anything other than worry about her well-being, but now that he was looking, he was enchanted by what he saw. Just then, her eyelids flickered open and she let out a blood-curdling shriek.

Chapter Text

Soohee floated in between consciousness and dream world. Everything was so warm. Not too warm, but so warm. She wondered if maybe she’d died. It seemed a little cruel that she would have found such hope at the chapel just that morning only to die on a random sidewalk that night. But she wasn’t cold or hungry or weak anymore, so she wasn’t sure how else to explain it. And honestly, if this was death, she didn’t mind all that much. She could go right on feeling this content and protected and secure forever. There was even a voice here telling her she was pretty; that was nice.

But, wait, no. There were parts of her that were cold now. And parts that were uncomfortably damp. And parts that stung brightly, raw and open. Rapidly, as slides on a projector moving too quickly, hazy and bright images struck her mind’s eye. Swaying streets and swerving cars and falling too many times to count and a big glass door and a dim lobby within. And the overwhelming feeling of home .

She forced her eyes open and blinked blearily up at a pale face framed by wet brown hair. In an instant, she took inventory of her body and came to the swift conclusion that she was seated in a stranger’s lap. She shrieked and leapt away from him. The sudden movement was ill-advised, but she understood that a second too late. She’d barely landed on her feet when her knees gave way and black spots danced across her vision. The blurry floor rushed up at her face. She felt a pair of firm hands around her waist and another set on her shoulders.

“Shhhhh,” a voice purred distantly. “You’re okay now. It’s going to be fine. We’ve got you.” The hands pressed against her until she found herself sitting on something soft. She blinked past the haze enough to see it was a couch and not a lap. Everything was too bright and too loud and too painful. Without meaning to, she withdrew back toward unconsciousness.

“Jimin, I think you should give her some space,” a different voice said from above her. Everything processed through the fog far too slowly. Something about these voices was familiar. Had he just said Jimin ?

“She’s still really weak, hyung,” the original voice answered. “I’m afraid if I let go, she’ll faint again.”

She felt a presence next to her and thought about shying away, but the next second, a hand entwined with her own and her brain exploded with sensation, overriding all the things she was trying to escape.

Warm. So lovely and warm and...bountiful. That wasn’t a word she thought of very often. It was relief and respite and so so so warm. Why would she want to pull away from that?

There was a shift and she could feel contact all along her side, from her ankle to her hip and on up to her shoulder. Then movement again. A weight along the tops of her shoulders and down her other arm. The strange electric sensation trailed behind the movement by fractions of a second. All of her too-close-don’t-touch alarm bells should have been going off by now, but it felt absolutely...safe.

Despite her best efforts, her eyes remained closed. For a second, she thought she was back outside and the wind had picked up. It took a moment for the sound to register as frantic whispers. It was too much effort to decipher it. She sagged against the sturdy shape beside her, wishing she could burrow into this feeling, to set up camp and live in it.

Slowly, her head stopped pounding. Every input began to sharpen, smooth out, normalize. She blinked and looked up. She gasped. Standing before her, wearing identical anxious expressions, were three very damp boys. One blond, one pink, and one brownish...green? Holy shit. Rap Monster, Suga, and Jin.

She looked down in automatic embarrassment and saw three bruised hands in her lap instead of two. Her brain was on a five-second delay--it took far longer than it should have to work out that one of the hands not belong to her, and even longer to see that it belonged to an arm that belonged to a body that belonged to the face of Park Jimin.

“Oh,” she said when her eyes finished their journey and landed on his. It was probably the least profound thing she could have said in that moment, but the smile it elicited from the boy next to her was nothing short of a miracle.

“How are you feeling?” he asked hesitantly, his expression shifting just as suddenly back to concern.

“Uh,” she said, blinking and straining her mind to speed up. “I'dunno. D...dizzy?” She glanced around the room in confusion. “Where’m I?” Her words sounded slurred, but she couldn’t tell if it was her mouth or her ears that were wrong.

“Oh, you’re in our production room,” Jimin replied. “We, uh, found you out front and brought you inside. I hope that’s okay.” Jimin suddenly looked very unsure of himself and lifted the arm that was around her shoulder as if he might move away. The strange sensation dimmed with the removal of contact and made her feel strangely panicky.

“Nono, ’s fine,” she said hastily.

Everything was still a little bleary, including her memory of how she got here, but she knew without a doubt she did not want him to move away from her. It should be awkward. Any minute now, the awkward would set it and she wasn’t braced for it and it was going to be awful. But for the moment, for just this moment, she was pretty sure the only reason she was conscious was the energy dancing between them. He settled his arm back around her. A tiny, inadvertent sigh of relief escaped her lip, and she tried not to lean into him. Jimin’s face remained cautious.

“'M sorry, I just don’t...understand. What’s going on?” she rasped.

Jimin bit his lower lip and looked away, toward the other members of Bangtan. Soohee’s mind raced. Whatever had happened, she’d found him. She hadn’t starved to death. Although, if the wave of nauseating dizziness washing over her was any indication, it had been a close call.

Her eyes followed his to the other members, and she promptly realized with horror that she was a dripping wet disaster. She felt stupid for being so vain in the face of something so serious, but that didn’t stop the desire to hide behind the couch so they couldn’t see her.  As glad as she was to be alive, this was a less-than-ideal scenario. The boys shuffled their feet and looked back at her, as if they were just as uncomfortable as she was.

They were saved from any more awkward exchanges by a knock on the slightly open door. Two men entered, the older one carrying a small black bag. All of the boys let out a collective breath that told her these men were here to help.

“Seokjin, when did you get here?” the younger man asked. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I must have just missed you on the way out of the building. I came to drag these guys home. I had no idea this was going on,” Seokjin answered, motioning feebly to the scene before him. He added in an undertone, “I’m glad you’re here; she just woke up.”

“Okay. You three, why don’t you head back to the dorm and get some sleep?” he replied. The three older boys looked relieved to leave someone else in charge. They each bowed swiftly to Soohee, mumbling the standard niceties about her feeling better soon, and headed for the door. “I’ll walk you out so the doctor can talk with Jimin and...uh, his...friend.”

“Soohee,” she said quickly, realizing she knew nearly everyone in the room and none of them knew her. “My name is Lee Soohee.” Jimin’s face snapped toward her in surprise.

“Oh, right, I forgot to ask you,” he said sheepishly. They stared at each other for a moment, both floundering a little. The older boys patted Jimin on the shoulder or ruffled his hair as they left the room.

“What a weird night,” Jimin said under his breath, and Soohee couldn’t help the small smile that crept across her face.

“You’re telling me,” she whispered and was rewarded with a grin that nearly made his eyes disappear. “And I don’t even remember most of it.” Jimin chuckled.

“Lee Soohee,” the doctor said, pulling one of the desk chairs over to sit before them. “I’m the staff doctor for Bangtan. I heard you were unconscious. Can you tell me for how long?”

“Um, what time is it?” she asked uncertainly, praying she didn’t need to ask the date as well.

“It’s just a little past four in the morning,” he responded. Soohee’s stomach sank, which made her head swim.

“A few hours...maybe?”

Jimin stared at her. “You were out there for hours in the rain?”

“I don’t know. The last thing I remember was leaving my friend’s house around...midnight? I meant to go home, but I wasn’t-- um, quite myself,” she finished abruptly, embarrassed to admit how far gone she had really been. “I must have...wandered around a while. I don’t, um, actually know how I got here.” Now that she thought about it, it was kind of miraculous that she had.

“Had you been drinking?” the doctor asked, his tone neutral. “Did you take any kind of drugs?”

“Oh, no, nothing like that,” she blurted. “Just really...hungry.” The statement was possibly the least descriptive of what she’d been through, but she wasn’t sure how else to phrase it. She remembered the term from the medical journal and mumbled, “Digestive...trans...mutation?”

The doctor frowned in thought. “When was First Touch?”

“Saturday,” Jimin answered promptly. He loosened their hands a fraction so the doctor could see the matching bruises.

“This last Saturday? As in, three days ago?” he asked, his professional mask slipping slightly in his surprise. He turned to Soohee. “And you’re saying you were delirious from hunger already?”

Soohee looked down at their entwined hands. It sounded crazy even to her own ears, if she hadn’t just lived it. “I haven’t kept anything down since before the fansign.” Jimin’s hand convulsed around her own. She looked up, startled, and saw fear on his face. “Well, a little bit of broth on Monday. It was gross, though.”

“Nothing?” he asked, squeezing her hand tighter as if he could nourish her faster with the pressure. She could feel the contact working its magic. She was becoming more alert by the minute. “Why didn’t you come here sooner?”

“I tried,” Soohee said with a small smile. “I, uh, think I might have scared the building’s security guard. And then I just missed you at Sunday’s fansign and got the airport wrong and then you were in Malaysia and I--” She cut off her rambling, chagrined at how much she had just revealed. “Anyway, I tried. I didn’t expect it to happen so fast.”

“Wow,” Jimin breathed. “I’ve been eating like an idiot over here and you…” Jimin shook his head and frowned. For a moment, Soohee had the irrational desire to smooth his furrowed eyebrows.

“So you lost consciousness for several hours. Any other symptoms?” the doctor asked gently.

“I...fainted at work this morning,” she said, closing her eyes to think. Putting the details of her day into a straight line took some concentration. “And I couldn’t stay awake most of this afternoon. I was just so weak and dizzy and shaky. Right before I left my friend’s place, I had some muscle spasms and, um, I guess you could say I...uh...hallucinated my way here,” she said, finishing in more of a mumble than real words. Apparently, they were still audible enough for Jimin, judging by his quick inhale and the way his arm tightened around her shoulders. “I’m feeling a lot better now, though…”

“I’ll admit, my specialty is sports medicine and nutrition, not digestive transmutation, but I’ve never heard of a case devolving so quickly. It’s a very good thing you got here when you did,” the doctor said, his neutral tone unconsciously infused with bewilderment. “I am a little concerned about these abrasions. Did you fall recently?” He was looking at her legs with a frown.

“Maybe a few times on the way over here?” she mumbled, refusing to look at Jimin, who let out a pained groan. “It’s all a little fuzzy. Sorry.”

“You went through hell to find me and you’re the one who’s sorry?” Jimin asked. He sounded slightly breathless, but Soohee was still unable to meet his eye. “I never would have gone to Malaysia if I thought this could happen. You would have died if I hadn’t come to dance tonight.”

On this side of the crisis, cocooned safely against him and that ever-present current of warmth, it was more difficult to be afraid of the possible outcomes. She also couldn’t wrap her mind around his worry--he barely knew her. Her own family wouldn’t be this worried.  And she didn’t really know how to say all of that. The best she could come up with was, “I’m okay now... It’s going to be fine.”

“With the symptoms and timeframe you described, you were severely calorically deprived. It’s going to take a little bit to get you back to where you need to be,” the doctor said, looking down and reaching for his bag. “Bare skin-to-skin contact is the most effective and the more surface area covered, the faster you’ll improve.”

Soohee couldn’t help herself; she glanced up at Jimin, who met her with wide eyes. Bare skin? She was only handling the amount of contact they currently had by actively not thinking about it, but the more alert she became the more awkward it was to be snuggling an idol on the couch in his production room. The idea of getting any closer was…

“Of course,” he said hastily, turning back and seeing their expressions. “Since you just met a few minutes ago, it’s going to take some time to feel comfortable with that level of skinship. What you’re doing right now should be sufficient for the time being--it will just take a little longer.”

Soohee sighed softly and felt Jimin’s arm relax a little against her back. In some ways, figuring out how to go from “we just met” to “always touching” might be more complicated than the ordeal she’d just survived.

“In the meantime, I’d really like to take care of these abrasions and check you over for any other injuries you might have sustained,” the doctor said, pulling out some bandages from his kit and looking at her for permission, which she granted with a nod.

He gently lifted her right leg up and braced it against the chair’s armrest. The damage was more grisly than she expected. The cuts were deep and still actively bleeding, although some had tried valiantly to scab over. She could tell there were bits of rock and other debris buried in her skin. She grimaced and looked away in time to see Jimin’s jaw tense. She gripped his hand tightly until he met her gaze.

“I’m okay now. It’ll be fine,” she whispered again. Every time he gasped, her heart constricted a little. She’d always felt oddly protective of the members of Bangtan, but she had never wanted to shield one of them so badly as right this moment.

Despite the pain of the debriding and the hours of sleep she had gotten throughout the day, her eyes grew heavy very soon after the doctor started. She shook her head slightly to try to stay awake and glanced at Jimin. His face was drawn and pale and his blinks were lasting longer every time his eyes closed.

“You flew back from Malaysia today,” she said softly. He jumped a little and focused on her in confusion. “You must be exhausted.”

“I’m alright,” he murmured. “I slept on the plane.”

“You need your sleep,” she said firmly. Was it only a few days ago that she and Eunha were fans speculating about Bangtan’s packed schedule and lamenting the fact that they never seemed to get enough rest? That life seemed so distant from the one in which she was cuddling Park Jimin on the couch in their recording studio. “I think I’ll be okay for a few hours. Why don’t you go back to the dorms with the others?”

Jimin opened his mouth to argue, but the doctor beat him to it. “That’s not a very good idea,” he said. “The trauma your body went through in the last few days, combined with how much blood you’ve lost from these cuts? You’re going to need to stay like that for several more hours. Actually, it will probably be a day or two before you're stable on your own for more than a few minutes at a time. Lucky for both of you, the contact still works while you’re asleep, which I highly recommend for both of you.”

Jimin smiled triumphantly and patted his shoulder in welcome. “You heard the man,” he said. “Sleep.”

“Not so fast,” the doctor cut in again. It was Soohee’s turn to look triumphant, although she wasn’t entirely sure what she had won. She was just as tired as he was. “I need to look you over to make sure you don’t have any other injuries. Do you hurt anywhere else?”

Soohee mentally examined her body from the inside out. It was really hard to feel much of anything other than the energy humming between them. “I’m not sure. I just feel warm.”

“That’s soulmate skinship for you,” the doctor said with a smile. He looked at Jimin. “Why don’t you scoot over for a second and give her a little space?” Jimin obliged and unwound himself from her, stretching where his muscles had become stiff.

The second he was aways from her, every negative sensation her body had been experiencing hit her with full force. And something else. Like suffocating through her skin instead of her lungs. She shuddered and could tell by his face that Jimin felt it, too. She swayed weakly even though she hadn’t exerted herself at all. The doctor looked at her expectantly, so she did another mental inventory. Everything ached and burned. Her legs, now bandaged, felt a little less raw than when she’d first woken, but there was a stinging sensation on her elbows and, now that she was paying attention, she couldn’t avoid the growing ache blooming across her hip.

She held up her arms to see lesser, though still formidable, scrapes. She touched her right hand to a deep gash on her left arm and sucked in a quick breath, her fingers coming away tinged red. She glanced at Jimin’s white tank top and saw blotchy red stains there. Before she could apologize, she caught his tense expression. “I’m fine. I’ll be okay.”

“You keep saying that,” Jimin said.

“Because it’s true,” Soohee replied. She cleared her throat and looked back at the doctor. “I also think I hit my hip when I fell. It really hurts.”

“Let’s have a look,” the doctor said, helping her stand. She wobbled and Jimin appeared at her side to hold her steady. Immediately, the warmth spread from his fingertips all along her arm. “You’re going to have to lift up this side of your dress,” the doctor said. Though his tone was professional, Soohee still felt a blush creeping up her neck.

Before she could respond, Jimin nodded and turned his back to the room, managing to keep hold of her upper arm to maintain her balance. She pulled gently on the hem of the skirt and irrationally wished she’d chosen nicer underpants that morning. As she had suspected, a rosy haze of burst capillaries covered a large area of her skin in what was surely going to be a spectacular bruise tomorrow. The doctor probed the area gently, making her gasp. “Can you take a few steps for me?”

She let the damp material drop and shifted to grip Jimin’s hand for support. He took that as his cue to turn around, though it was so cautious that Soohee smiled a little. She hadn’t expected him to be anything but respectful, but it was still different experiencing it.

She put an unsteady foot forward and gritted her teeth against the burn in her shins as the bandages shifted. She could feel Jimin’s wary eyes on her profile, but she refused to look up. Her hip rotated without hesitation, although the skin around it felt like fire. It only took three more steps for the black spots to dance in front of her eyes again. She swayed and closed her eyes, her head beginning to pound. She heard Jimin mutter something that could have been a swear word as he slipped his arm around her waist and guided her back to the couch.

“I don’t think anything is broken,” the doctor said as she sank gratefully onto the cushion. “Do you have pain anywhere else?”

She shook her head as Jimin let go and perched next to her. His eyes held a question, and she surprised herself by reaching out to pull him closer. He settled in the same position as before, their sides pressed together and hands intertwined. His arm draped around her shoulder brought more relief than expected. It was the best narcotic in the world.

“Well, the good news is, none of the damage is critical,” the doctor said. “And the better news is that soulmates heal quickly, so these will be gone in a few days. A week, at most.”

“Wait, what?” Jimin asked. Though Soohee had more knowledge of the process than most, this was still news to her.

“Yes, the energy you two pass back and forth is…” The doctor paused thoughtfully, fluttering his hand as if reaching for a word or two. “Like being on the perfect diet, with the exact right vitamins and minerals and enzymes you need whenever you need them. And nothing you don’t.  As long as you maintain frequent skinship, you should heal from injuries and illnesses more rapidly than normal. It’s like an extra immune system. If this were a normal case of starvation, you would probably be in the ICU for at least a week. But she’ll be right as rain after a few days of skinship.”

“This just keeps getting weirder,” Jimin said softly. Suddenly, he turned a guilty face toward Soohee. “Not that-- I mean, um…You’re not--”

“No, you can say it,” Soohee said, feeling shell-shocked herself. She chuckled breathlessly. “This is really, really, weird.” Jimin smiled easily at the face she pulled, and the tension oozed out of the moment.  She supposed it made sense--she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen her parents sick in her life.

The doctor began cleaning the wounds on her unencumbered right arm. He tsked lightly and brought up a pair of tweezers. Soohee grimaced and turned her face away, unintentionally burying her nose in Jimin’s collar bone. She looked up at him, slightly abashed, but he simply used the hand around her shoulder to tuck her head back under his chin and averted his eyes from the doctor as well.

She sucked in a sharp breath as she felt the doctor free whatever foreign object was imbedded in her skin. Jimin’s cheek rested gently on the top of her head, making her feel a little safer. The warmth and security were slowly lulling her back to that languid state she had been in before the doctor had made her stand. Her breathing evened out and Jimin’s head became heavier on her own.

The doctor finished with her right arm and moved on to her left. Jimin’s hand slid easily out of her own, flopping to the side. She smiled dreamily when she realized he had fallen asleep, feeling a strange sense of accomplishment. She shifted as little as possible so she wouldn’t wake him. Luckily, this arm seemed to need less care, and the doctor had it bandaged before she knew it. As the doctor tidied up, her eyes drifted closed. Right before sleep claimed her, she had the vaguely prescient thought that she would spend the majority of the rest of the nights of her life exactly like this.

Jimin woke slowly but didn’t open his eyes. He was so comfortable. He wanted to stay like this forever, his heartbeat slow, his breathing rhythmic, his body the perfect temperature. He thought idly that he hadn’t felt this rested in a very long time. Which was strange, because he was certain it hadn’t been a very long stretch of sleep. It took him a minute to remember why. He unconsciously tensed his whole body, breaking the spell. There was a small moan from somewhere near his shoulder and the warmth along his right side shifted slightly.

Oh .

Lee Soohee.

Right.

In their exhaustion, they had somehow ended up stretched out lengthwise on the couch. He was flat on his back, his left foot on the floor and his right arm wrapped tightly around Soohee. She was wedged between him and the back of the couch, though mostly sprawled across his chest.

I should move , he thought. Should I move?

He was still completely lost on the social protocol of this situation. Last night, she’d been dying, so he hadn’t had much choice but to hold her. And then, the doctor had said it was best. But now, he wasn’t so sure. In the vulnerability of sleep, they’d allowed themselves to get far more tangled up than they probably would have consciously.

I should probably move.

He opened his eyes slowly and sucked in a quick breath. He couldn’t see her face from this angle, only the crown of her head. But he could see and feel the curve of her body against his, her hand lightly clutching at the material of his shirt on his chest, her leg thrown carelessly over his own, the skirt of her dress riding high and exposing a fair amount of pale gold thigh.... Everything about this moment was excellent and terrifying. It felt almost exactly the same as waking up with Tae or Kookie snuggled against him, except that it was really nothing like that at all. He resisted the urge to run his free hand through the tangles of her silky hair that tickled his collarbone. Though he couldn’t keep himself from staring at it.

He had known this woman for mere hours. She was a stranger. And yet, the way her skin felt against his was already more familiar than breathing. The tightness in his chest every time she’d revealed another detail in her harrowing brush with starvation had surprised him. He reacted the same way he would have if it had been his members or his family. He wanted to protect her from everything, including simple discomfort. It was a little bit insane. But it also felt right .

He couldn’t quite make sense of anything that had happened since he and his hyungs had left this room last night. It was as if he’d shrugged off Yoongi’s hand, stepped out into the rain and landed in an alternate reality.  Before he could begin to sort through it, the door swung open.

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, his jaw falling open. He locked wide eyes with Jimin and emitted a noise somewhere between a squeak and a giggle. He covered his rectangle smile with his hand and snorted. Jimin telegraphed a warning and brought his finger to his lips before pointing rather needlessly at Soohee. Taehyung shrugged emphatically, which launched them into a frantic but entirely silent argument for the next thirty seconds which culminated in Taehyung gesturing at the exit with a question in his eyebrows and starting to back away. Jimin rolled his eyes and gestured toward the chair the doctor had vacated a few hours before, mouthing “sit.”

Taehyung sighed but complied after a long, calculating look at Soohee. “Hyung told me you were here,” he whispered low. “What’s going on?”

Jimin opened his mouth, then stopped. What a loaded question. He could easily toss out a simple answer, but this was Taehyung and nothing about this felt simple. He closed his eyes for a second, unconsciously furrowing his brow. When he opened them, Taehyung’s face had softened.

“I don’t know where to start, Taetae,” he said softly. He looked down at Soohee again and blew out a long breath. “I...found her.” He still marveled at that fact. Taehyung nodded slowly and something shifted in his expression again. “Taehyung, nothing’s going to change...”

“I know,” Taehyung intoned, and Jimin wasn’t sure if he’d imagined the tightness in his voice. They watched one another quietly for a moment before Taehyung’s eyebrows floated toward his hairline and his eyes left Jimin’s face to travel the length of the couch. “But seriously, what’s going on?” Jimin blinked. “You’ve got a girl on you. Like, all on you.” Taehyung’s grin was more suggestive than anything Jimin had ever achieved on stage.

“She was dying ,” Jimin hissed defensively. He was probably going to have to say this phrase to all of his brothers before the day was through. “And the doctor told me to.”

Taehyung giggled and stuffed his fist in his mouth to stifle it. But one of the things that Jimin loved about his best friend was that he giggled with his whole body. And sure enough, Taehyung was soon pulling his knees to his chest, his feet tapping together and shoulders shaking in delight. “The doctor told you to...” he stage-whispered, and Jimin couldn’t help himself. “Like a prescription.” His own chest began to shake with silent laughter.

Soohee squirmed, her hand gripping Jimin's shirt more tightly for an instant before pulling away to rub at her eyes. Taehyung and Jimin both froze. Not yet fully conscious, she rubbed her cheek against his chest and stretched out her legs with a tiny squeak of a groan. Thankfully, her dress stayed put, though more than enough of her leg was exposed already. Taehyung’s eyes widened again in what Jimin could only describe as fear, and Jimin nearly resumed giggling. Except that her movements against his body were eliciting a complicated swirl of emotions in his chest and possibly other areas of his body.

Slowly, Soohee raised her head and blinked at him. “Oh,” she said groggily. She took in their position and tensed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” She let the sentence fall, glancing to the side and seeing Taehyung for the first time.

They all stayed very still for the space of several heartbeats.

Taehyung quirked a small smile. Soohee raised her free hand in a feeble wave toward him, then seemed to realize what she was doing and used the same hand to cover her face in embarrassment. Jimin watched a delicate blush spread up her face and glanced curiously at Taehyung. His hand was also hanging awkwardly in the air. Soohee started to bury her face in Jimin’s chest before she froze again and scrambled to sit up, leaving Jimin struggling to unravel their lower limbs. After a flurry of movement and an accidental elbow to Jimin’s ribs, they were both upright and separated by a few inches. Losing contact felt like losing a piece of himself, but it was probably for the best at the moment.

“Seokjin-hyung was right,” Taehyung said pointedly to Jimin. Soohee looked confused. Jimin felt his own blush creep up his cheeks. Taehyung propped his chin in his hands in the worst imitation of subtle petal aegyo Jimin had ever seen.

The flush on Soohee’s cheeks was deep red now, but Jimin didn’t know how to rescue her. Taehyung stared openly at them, and Jimin was strongly reminded of how much Taehyung loved watching dramas. Apparently, he wasn’t as worried about meeting her as he'd been a few days ago.

Soohee swallowed hard and pulled her hand away from her face. She looked furtively between the two boys with a forced smile. They simply blinked back at her, though Jimin thought Taehyung’s grin looked somewhat encouraging. She pressed her lips together and looked at Jimin as if trying to communicate something to him, sliding her eyes from his to Taehyung and back.

“Oh, this is Kim Taehyung,” he blurted in introduction. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Yes, I’m aware,” she said faintly.

“Actually, we’ve met,” Taehyung chirped. “I mean, we must have, if you met Jiminie. I don’t exactly remember it, but…” Taehyung swung his legs in what others would see as excitement but Jimin knew was actually nervous energy. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to meet me. What was it like for you?” Soohee chuckled under her breath, and Jimin felt his shoulders relax.

“It was really nice, actually,” she said softly. She shot a shy glance at Jimin, then took a deep steadying breath. “You didn’t have anyone waiting for you, so you leaned over and teased Taehyung about hogging the fans and then you two bickered over me and my friend, Eunha.” Jimin felt vaguely guilty, because he really didn’t remember it. He and Taehyung must have done that bit a thousand times on a hundred different occasions. And he was sure he’d done it with the other members nearly as often. Jimin glanced at Taehyung and knew he was thinking the same thing behind his grin.

Soohee smiled wistfully. “I’m sure neither of you remember it, but it made our whole day. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“You’re welcome,” they both murmured.

“How long have you been a fan?” Taehyung asked eagerly. It was rare he was allowed to talk with the fans unencumbered for more than a few seconds, and Jimin was pretty sure he’d forgotten, at least for the moment, that Soohee was more than just a fan.

“Well,” Soohee said slowly, her blush reappearing. She twisted her lips in chagrin. “Since debut? Maybe...a little before.”

“Cool!” Taehyung crowed, delighted. “What’s your favorite song?”

“Oh, god,” Soohee said with a groan. Jimin smiled, watching her expression become playfully pained. “That’s an impossible question. Don’t make me answer it. Eunha and I can’t even decide on a favorite one from each album.”

Taehyung giggled in appreciation, and Jimin tried not to stare. Seokjin hadn’t been wrong; she really was very pretty, even under the layer of sleep, illness, and rain. He was relieved she seemed to be relaxing under Tae’s interrogation instead of getting more nervous. Her defeated sigh blew upward, ruffling a strand of hair across her forehead.

“Okay, if I have to choose, it’s probably Let Me Know . Everyone is just...their best in that one, you know? The vocals, the raps, the lyrics, ugh, so good .”

Jimin struggled to hold back a smile. For a moment, it seemed as if Soohee had forgotten she was talking to the members of Bangtan and instead chatting up other members of ARMY. Taehyung chuckled.

“I’ll let Yoongi-hyung know you like his work.”

Soohee smiled, shy again for a moment. But Jimin could tell she was enjoying the conversation. “What’s your favorite song to perform?” she asked.

Taehyung pursed his lips thoughtfully. They got this question in a lot of interviews, but there was a difference between answering as a group with pretty strict talking points and responding alone behind closed doors. “I don’t know. There really aren’t any I don’t enjoy performing. Well, except that bit at the beginning of I Need U . Hobi-hyung is heavy ,” he said with a grin, and Soohee giggled a little. “ Satoori Rap is always a lot of fun to do on stage. But just to sing? Probably Let Me Know. ”

Jimin usually loved to jump in and out of his brothers’ conversations with fans and was not frequently one to sit by quietly, but this morning he was perfectly content just to watch. Taehyung’s easy demeanor with her was doing a lot to relieve the remaining tension from their late night talk in Kota Kinabalu. And Soohee’s shyly eager smile was showing him a whole new side of her. He supposed that wasn’t really that difficult, since he barely knew anything about her in the first place, but he was still savoring.

It was probably because he was already in an observing mode that he began to see tell-tale signs of her distress. Her hands began to tremble, so she folded them tightly in her lap. Her smile slipped a little while Taehyung was talking animatedly, and Jimin could tell by her long blinks that she was struggling to focus her eyes. The doctor’s instructions echoed in his ears. Trying not to make a big deal or interrupt their conversation, he slid across the couch to close the distance between them and gently took her hand. Taehyung’s eyes did not miss a single movement, but the relief on Soohee’s face was instantaneous.

“Thank you,” she murmured. “I forgot.”

“No problem,” Jimin answered. There was a lull in the conversation. “Tae, what time is it?”

Taehyung shrugged. “I left the dorms around seven-thirty, maybe?” he said carelessly. “I woke up and you still weren’t home, so I woke up Seokjin and he told me what happened last night.”

“You woke up hyung?” Jimin asked. “I bet he wasn’t happy. He’s only been asleep a few hours.”

“He was pretty grumpy,” Taehyung said. He made a face. “But it’s kind of a big deal when one of us doesn’t come home for the night, so he couldn’t be too mad. And then I just sort of ran over here after that.”

“Sorry you were worried,” Jimin answered. “The doctor said she was too weak to be moved.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Soohee look away in embarrassment. “We’re trying to get her strength back up.”

“Sorry I caused so much trouble,” Soohee said softly. Jimin instantly felt bad.

“Hey,” he said, catching her eye. “It’s not a problem. You almost died, you know? No one’s going to complain about helping you get healthy, okay?” She nodded, but Jimin could still see discomfort in her expression. He didn’t need to ask if she was feeling better; he could tell by how quickly she had gotten the shakes that her condition had only moderately improved.

“Really, it’s no big deal,” Taehyung chimed in. “We all kind of wander in at odd hours, but Jimin doesn’t usually stay out that late without me, that’s all.”

“Hey, do you need to call anyone?” Jimin asked suddenly, turning to look at Soohee. “You were out all night, too. And you were really sick. There have to be people looking for you.” The unconcerned half-shrug she responded with made something twist uncomfortably in his stomach.

“Eh, probably not,” she said. Her eyes landed on his, and she gave him a small, sad smile. “My parents aren’t the worrying types.” She cocked her head and looked around slowly. “But I should text my friend. Where’s my purse?”

“Did you have one?” Jimin asked, confused. He tried to think back to the night before. He’d been too concerned with getting her out of the rain to notice if she left anything on the ground outside. Not to mention, his brain was still occupied trying to sort out what she’d just said about her parents. “I don’t remember if you did.”

“Yeah, I did,” she said. There was a hint of panic in her voice. “At some point, at least. I’m pretty sure I took it from my friend’s house. It has everything in it. I must have lost it somewhere on the way here. Damn it.”

“You can use my phone until we find it,” Jimin said, pulling it out of his pocket. “Do you know her number by heart?”

She nodded and took the phone gratefully. She typed a quick message and handed it back to him. “Thanks.”

“Do you want to text your parents, too?” Jimin asked cautiously. Soohee shook her head, her expression clearly communicating that there was no reason to. He didn’t know her well enough to push the issue, but curiosity ate at him.

Before he put the phone back in his pocket, he glanced at it out of habit, then paused. He flipped through his missed messages and rolled his eyes. “Taehyung, was it really necessary to send me seventeen texts this morning?”

Taehyung looked affronted. “The first twelve were because I was worried. The other five were because I got attacked by a stalker-pigeon on my way here.” Jimin laughed and heard Soohee join in after a stunned second. “No, seriously, this bird had it out for me.”

Jimin cleared the notifications and another message popped up. “Sejin says he’s meeting with Bang PD-nim in twenty minutes. They want us to join them.”

“What does PD-nim want with me?” Taehyung asked, his eyes-widened in fear. “I didn’t do anything. I swear.”

“Not you, pabo,” Jimin said, rolling his eyes. “They want to talk to me and Soohee. Now that we’ve found her, I’m sure there are a lot of details to be worked out.” Soohee glance at him in question. “Incorporating another person into our schedule is going to be at least a little complicated.”

“Incorporating...” Soohee echoed. Jimin watched her throat convulse in a nervous swallow. “Right. Because...soulmates.” She closed her eyes for a second. Jimin watched her expression flicker as she processed the idea.

“I know everything is happening really fast,” Jimin said softly. He could feel the pressure from the last few days return to his chest. But this time, rather than thinking about himself and Bangtan, he began to realize how much Soohee’s life would change. It was going to be drastic. When she finally opened her eyes, Jimin could read her worry in every line of her face. Mustering more courage than he actually felt, he said, “Don’t worry. I’m sure the boss has a plan. He always does.”

Chapter Text

Soohee had spent the last few days wondering if she was going to find Jimin in time to survive; that hadn’t left a lot of time or headspace for thinking of what finding him would mean. Now, instead of paying attention to the celebrities sitting right in front of her, her brain raced down million paths at once.

She would need to see Jimin every day, possibly multiple times a day. For the rest of their lives. The logistics of that for a normal set of soulmates was daunting enough. But with Bangtan… She vividly remembered the afternoons spent on the fan cafe with Eunha, wishing the boys’ schedule would allow them just a little more time to eat, sleep, and play like normal teenaged boys. And now, suddenly, she would be a part of that schedule.

How would that work with her own schedule? She was one of the youngest in the office, so she put in the most hours and the most effort. She was just starting to see a payoff for her overtime--the department manager almost always got her name right these days. But if shoving take-out into her face at her desk at all hours would no longer be an option, how was she going to get it all done? Despite her nerves at meeting a man like Bang Sihyuk, she was desperate to know what his plan was. She couldn’t think of a reasonable one of her own.

Jimin squeezed her hand, and she realized he had been trying to get her attention for a few moments. She forced her eyes and ears to focus on him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, searching her face. “Is this not enough?” He lifted their joined hands to clarify his words. For a second, she wondered how a feeling so palpable as the energy crackling between their skin couldn’t be seen.

“Oh, no, I’m fine,” she replied hastily. “I just got lost in thought.”

“Oh, good,” Jimin said. She was surprised to see his relief. He had such a good heart, to care this much about a stranger. “We should probably head upstairs now, though.” She swallowed and nodded. The three of them stood at once, and Jimin let go of her hand. The return to normality was abrupt and cold.

As they walked to the door, Taehyung grinned at her. She felt a small flutter in her chest. How many hours had she spent studying his handsome face through a computer screen? And now he was standing in front of her. That would take some getting used to.

“It was nice to meet you,” he said, bowing. She bowed in mute reply. “Sorry you got stuck with this one.” He said, playfully jerking his thumb toward Jimin. Jimin swatted at him with a disgruntled noise and shooed him out of the room. Something about his expression caught Soohee’s eye, but before she could put her finger on what it was, it had faded.

“Follow me,” Jimin said with a small smile, leading her out through the dance studio. As they entered the main hallway, she heard a faint bell and saw Taehyung disappear into an elevator at the far end. The bank of elevators looked really far away to Soohee.

Less than half a dozen steps later, she felt her dizziness return with a vengeance. As her vision blurred, she reached out for the wall to support her. She didn’t mean to, but her throat let out a tiny squeak and she lost her balance. For the second time in several hours, she felt a pair of hands gripping her waist.

“I’m sorry,” they said in unison, her speech more slurred than his.

“Hey,” Jimin said gently, pulling her under his arm. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You can’t help this. I’m sorry I didn’t think it through.”

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine,” she answered. Jimin’s lips pressed together into a thin line.

“Can you walk like this?” he asked, tugging her along for a few experimental steps. Her knees buckled and she swayed against him, internally cursing herself for her weakness. “Or not. Um, I could carry you…”

He held his arms out in front of his body in demonstration, and she could imagine herself in them, bridal style. The thought held very little appeal to her. He must have done it the night before, but the idea of being swept up in his arms made her feel fragile and deficient. She shook her head.

“Or we could go back and ask him to meet us here,” Jimin suggested, though the hesitation in his eyes told her he was deeply uncomfortable with asking that of the CEO of his company. Internally, she agreed with his assessment.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she said.

“Well, then there’s only one thing for it,” he said. Slowly, a childlike grin spread across his face. Letting go of her, he sank to one knee with his back to her and said, “Hop on.”

A piggyback ride? She cringed inside. Well, of all the options… Sighing quietly, she clambered onto his back, careful to keep her dress covering her backside. She felt like apologizing for the strain her weight would surely put on his body, but he stood and strode down the hall toward the elevators as if he were unencumbered. She wondered how much weight she could have possibly lost in one long weekend. She knew she'd been starving, but surely she wasn't appreciably lighter. 

This line of thought, at least, kept her from thinking about how her legs were wrapped around Park Jimin’s waist. Or about how his hands firmly gripped her bare calves. Or how her arms draped across and around his bare, toned shoulders. Or even how close her hands dangled near his chest, that with a small shift she could brush her thumbs against what had to be defined muscle. She was absolutely not focusing on the frissons of warm energy surging between her chest (and her stomach and her thighs and her...everything) and his back.

If she had been paying attention to those things, she might have idly observed and casually noted how this position resulted in a more rapid increase in her strength. Might have jotted it down for future, health-related reference. But she definitely, decidedly, purposefully wasn’t thinking about any of those things, so the blush she wore during their silent ride to the next floor must have been from the effort of trying to walk a few moments ago. Yes, she was flushed from...exertion.

When they arrived outside an official looking door, Jimin lowered her gently to her feet, leaving a supportive and comforting arm across her back. He knocked once and the door opened swiftly. A man she vaguely recognized from the night before and from fan photos greeted them both and ushered them inside toward a modern leather couch. This was Kim Sejin, then.

Another man approached from a desk on the other side of the room. Process of elimination told her this must be Bang Sihyuk, but he was far younger and much more jovial than she expected. The second he looked at them, Jimin dropped his arm and tucked it behind his back. Soohee felt slightly bereft, though she understood exactly why he did it. She couldn't imagine standing that close to him in front of her boss. They exchanged greetings and bows before they settled into their seats. Jimin surreptitiously rested his leg against hers, and she couldn’t help but smile at his thoughtfulness.

“Lee Soohee, how are you feeling?” the CEO asked. His face was friendly and open, but Soohee reminded herself that he was still a very powerful man with an agenda. “The doctor told us a little bit about your condition. Are you better now?”

Soohee swallowed and pasted a smile on her face. “Much better,” she said. “Thank you for asking.” Jimin exhaled through his nose. She shot him a quelling look. The older men’s eyes raked over the two of them, making Soohee slightly uncomfortable. She sighed. “With a little more time, I’ll be fine,” she amended.

“That’s good to hear,” he responded. “We’ve rearranged the schedule a bit to have that time. Luckily, we had originally planned to be in Malaysia for another day, so it’s not as complicated as it could be.” Soohee watched his eyes slide toward Jimin. “Our main priority is your health.”

Soohee nodded uneasily. Bang Sihyuk smiled a winning smile, seeming to reward her for her compliance. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, his concern now overshadowed by his business-like demeanor.

“We’ll go over the logistics a little later. We’re really excited to help you become a part of the Bangtan family,” he said. Soohee’s thoughts swirled in response, but she didn’t have time to pull them apart because he was already moving on. “What we need to discuss today is our PR plan for the situation.”

Soohee blinked at him. “Your PR plan?” she asked faintly. Jimin squirmed next to her and unintentionally pulled his leg away from hers. She tried not to be distracted by the deep absence it left behind.

“Yes,” Bang Sihyuk said. “As a fan, you must be familiar with the... expectations the public has for music idols. It would be unwise for the media to get wind of your situation, especially because it’s Jimin.” Jimin, who had been looking anywhere but at the other people in the room, snapped his head around sharply.

“Especially Jimin?” Soohee asked, putting words to the question on his face.

“Jimin’s role in the group, particularly during live performances...we can’t afford to have him seen as...tied down,” Bang Sihyuk said matter-of-factly, though a small frown lingered on his lips for a second. Jimin looked down at his bruised palms in his lap. Soohee heard the words Bang Sihyuk wasn’t saying and felt a little ill. And a lot like an anchor. “It’s vital to stay ahead of the issue, so we’ll need to know who you’ve talked to.”

“Oh, um,” she said, her brain still hung up on the implications of his previous statement. “No one, really. Just my friend Kwon Eunha. But she’s not going to tell anyone.”

“I’m impressed by your discretion. So that’s only three people we need to speak with,” he replied. “If you’ll give me her contact information, I’ll have some of our people get in touch with her.”

“Sure,” Soohee said. Then, feeling like her main contributions to this conversation had been mere echoes, she said, “I’m sorry, three people?”

“Well, your parents, of course,” he said with a shrug.

“Oh,” she said. “No, I haven’t talked to them about this.” Jimin looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

“You do live with them, yes?” Sejin asked, confused. The way he and Bang Sihyuk looked at her gave her the distinct impression they already knew the answer. Some time in the last few hours, they'd found time to look into her background. The thought made her vaguely uncomfortable, even as logic told her it was probably standard procedure.

“Yes, but...” she began. She sighed, bracing herself for the pitying or misunderstanding looks she always got when the subject of her parents came up. “We’re not really close .”

“Okay,” Bang Sihyuk said slowly. She ignored Jimin’s gaze boring into her profile. “But they’ll still need to know eventually, so we’ll need to talk with them.”

“Honestly, it really won’t be an issue,” she said without emotion. She knew she probably sounded a little flat to them, but she couldn't muster up anything more than this.  “They might not even ask his name.” The room filled with awkward silence for a few beats before she finished, “You can talk with them if you’d like. I just know they won’t cause you any trouble.”

“Well, that settles that, then,” Bang Sihyuk said. Soohee was actually kind of grateful for his no-nonsense manner. “We’ll take care of everything with them, but we’ll also need you to sign this.” He produced a leather-bound folio and opened it to reveal a one page document and a pen. Soohee blinked at him slowly, trying to catch up. “It’s a pretty standard non-disclosure agreement.”

Soohee accepted the folio wordlessly. Jimin shifted his leg back against hers. The kindness of the movement and the warmth soothed her racing heart by a small fraction.

“You’re welcome to have a lawyer look over it or speak with our legal team,” Bang Sihyuk continued. He sighed lightly, and his faces shifted to something more approachable. “I know it seems kind of crass, but this industry can be brutal. We know you’re going to do what’s best for you and for Jimin, but we have to have it in writing should the worst happen.”

She nodded slowly, already reading. As she looked over the document, the men turned to Jimin and began talking about their upcoming schedule. Soohee caught snippets of information about music shows and recordings and fan events. From what she could tell, she was expected to agree not to divulge their relationship to anyone, ever. She glanced up and found Sejin’s eyes on her. He smiled reassuringly. Despite her earlier misgivings about BigHit’s intrusion into her personal information, she couldn’t help but find him trustworthy.

She sighed. She had no plans to involve anyone else beside Eunha anyway and zero interest in going to any media outlet as the document clearly prohibited. Even at this early stage of their relationship, she knew she would never do anything to jeopardize Bangtan’s reputation, Jimin’s career, or her ability to Recharge with him when she needed. She took a deep breath and quickly signed the document.  

The conversation seemed to be wrapping up, so Soohee focused in again. She startled a little when she realized she had nestled into Jimin’s side, unconsciously chasing the soulmate energy. She thought about pulling away, but Bang Sihyuk caught her eye and nodded encouragingly. She still wasn’t sure what to make of his welcoming expressions on top of his very business-like demeanor.

“Oh, Soohee” Sejin said suddenly. He reached onto the floor next to the couch and pulled out her purse. “I found this last night outside on the sidewalk. I hope the rain didn’t ruin anything important.” Soohee gasped her thanks and took it from him. A quick rifle through it showed a few soggy receipts but no real harm. Her phone blinked on at the first click, though her battery was dangerously low. She opened her contacts and gave them Eunha’s full address, which Sejin took down dutifully.

“Thank you,” Bang Sihyuk said. “Obviously, we will need you to continue to be circumspect until we can work out how to explain your presence to the rest of the staff. But like I said before, our priority is your wellbeing.” Soohee nodded. “You’ll have to forgive us if this process is a little rocky. We’ve never dealt with soulmates as a company before. But we do want to welcome you to our little family. Let us know if you need anything.”

That seemed to be his goodbye, because Sejin stood and ushered them into the hall. Soohee wasn’t really sure what to make of the exchange. Bang Sihyuk seemed genuine, but Soohee couldn’t imagine a scenario in which she would come to him for help. It was all very strange and uncomfortable, and she wondered how long it would take her to find her footing in this new terrain. Probably more than a few hours, Soohee, she reminded herself.

In the van on the way to the dorm, Jimin squished into the seat beside her trying to give her as much contact as possible. She was beginning to feel like the world wasn’t going to fall out from under her at any moment, but she knew she was far from okay. But she could barely focus on that right now.

She was about to meet Bangtan.

An odd kind of deja vu swept over her, but instead of Eunha’s arm, she was gripping Jimin’s. She tried to tell herself she’d already met them once, and all but two of them twice. But this was different. She wouldn’t just high five them and leave. It was strangely similar to being introduced to the in-laws.

“Do either of you need anything before we get there?” Sejin called from the front of the van. It must have been a routine question, since they were only traveling a few blocks. Soohee shrugged and looked at Jimin.

“No, but I’d kill for a shower when we do,” Jimin muttered. Soohee looked over at him. The speckled bloodstains on his tank top had dried to a dark rust color. He looked like he’d been through battle.

“Sorry about that,” she said softly, motioning at them. Jimin looked down in surprise, as if he only now realized they were there.

“Oh, it’s not big deal,” Jimin said. For some reason, she believed him. “I’m more worried about what I’ve done to this shirt.” He wrinkled his nose sheepishly, as if he thought he stunk. “This wasn’t exactly how I intended to meet you.”

“Believe me, this wasn’t my plan either.” Soohee looked down at her ragged dress, scuffed and torn from her many stumbles, wrinkled past salvation and bloodstained. She remembered how carefully she had done her make-up on Sunday, thinking she would meet him then. She sighed. “I should probably get some fresh clothes at some point.” She was already strategizing in her head how she could accomplish that when it had taken another embarrassing (and distracting) piggyback ride to get as far as the van in the underground garage. She tried to smooth her wild hair surreptitiously and managed to pull out a leaf and something unidentifiable but suspiciously trash-like.  

“If you’d like, we can send someone to your home to pick some things up for you,” Sejin offered. She smiled tightly, unsure if she could actually take him up on it. “Someone needs to go over there to talk to your parents anyway. Maybe your mother can pack you a bag?” Soohee was proud of herself for holding in a disdainful snort, merely nodding along.

“If you don’t mind sweatpants and a t-shirt for now, I’m sure we can dig something out of the Bangtan Closet for you in the meantime,” Jimin said.

“You all share a closet?” she asked, genuinely curious. For every factoid she knew about them, she was sure there were hundreds she didn’t.

“Not exactly,” Jimin chuckled. “We all have our own stuff in our rooms--not that we don’t borrow and steal from one another all the time--but there’s also one big closet of clothes that are kind of...communal property. Leftovers from promotions or video projects and things.”

“Fine by me,” she said, grateful not to have to send someone, a coordi noona she assumed, to paw through her closet. She brushed her fingers across the bandages on her arm and looked down at the matching ones on her shins. “Though I’m probably not going to get a shower right away, am I?” She wasn’t even sure why she said it aloud, but regretted it when she saw Jimin wince.

“I’m sorry all of that happened to you,” Jimin said in a low voice. His earnest expression was endearing but also frustrating.

“You don’t need to feel so guilty about it. It’s not like you caused it,” she replied.

“Well,” Jimin said. “I mean…” He held up his free hand to flash his bruise.

“By that logic, I’m just as responsible,” she said, mirroring his gesture with her free hand. “Call it even?” Jimin grinned and nodded. She was kind of blown away by how easily his face showed his joy. The way his eyes crinkled and nose scrunched and cheeks dimpled. Or maybe she was just blown away by his smile. She wasn’t sure and wasn’t ready to parse it.

The van pulled up to the curb outside a modern brick apartment complex. She knew this dorm was new for them--she loved the song they’d written about moving--and was instantly impressed with how nice it appeared. They really had moved up.

Jimin started to help her out of the van, but Sejin stopped them with a wary look over his shoulder. “Jimin, why don’t you go up first?” he said, poking his head into the sliding door. Soohee looked at them in question. “Just trust me.” Jimin nodded in resignation. 

Jimin bailed out of the van with a quick reassurance to see her soon and disappeared inside. Sejin shut the door and climbed back into the driver’s seat, eyeing the street. He reached forward as if to start the vehicle again and then put his hand back in his lap.

“I’m sorry,” Soohee said tentatively. “But what’s going on right now?”

“We’re waiting for the foot traffic to turn over completely,” Sejin said. To himself, he added, “I don’t think we’ll need to drive around the block. We’ll just wait a bit.”

“Oh,” Soohee said, catching on. So this is was the PR plan in action. This was going to be more complicated than she thought. Sejin flashed her a sympathetic smile.

“You get used to it,” he said gently. She wasn’t so sure.

Jimin walked into the dorm to find Hoseok lounging on the couch in just his boxers, playing a video game. He was suddenly really grateful for Sejin’s paranoia. “Hyung, get up and put some pants on,” he said, toeing Hoseok’s bare shin. “ She’s on her way up here right now.”

Hobi blinked at him. “Who?”

“My...soulmate,” Jimin mumbled, still unsure of the word.

Hosek blinked at him, then glanced down at his bare chest in exaggerated horror. He stood up so fast he nearly fell over before flying into their bedroom. Jimin chuckled and made his way into the kitchen. Taehyung sat on the counter munching on an apple.

“Where is everyone?” Jimin asked.

“Jungkook had a meeting with his tutor, since he won’t be able to get to school much during promotions. He should be back any minute. The others are still in bed,” Taehyung answered around a mouthful. “Where’s your sidekick?”

“Downstairs with Sejin,” Jimin answered. “He didn’t want people to see us coming up together.”

Taehyung nodded as if this made perfect sense, and Jimin hated that it did. Taehyung caught his expression and smiled sympathetically. “Jimin, we keep secrets all the time.”

“I know,” Jimin said, scrunching his shoulders. “It just feels different this time.”

“Even if you were ready to handle the backlash, which you know you aren’t,” Taehyung said logically. “She has no idea the shitstorm that would hit her.”

Jimin blinked and felt an anticipatory fear curl in the pit of his stomach. “Wow,” he said. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

“It’s not usually the idols who bear the brunt of dating scandals,” Taehyung said simply, hopping off the counter casually to throw the apple core in the trash. To the public, Taehyung might be the zaniest of all of them, but it was moments like this that reminded Jimin of how deep Taehyung’s thoughts ran. He followed him to the living room in a daze and was pleased to find Hoseok fully dressed, including socks and house slippers. Jimin wasn’t sure but thought he might have even run a comb through his hair.

“You should warn Namjoon,” Hoseok said. “You know he stumbles out here half-dressed most mornings.” Jimin breathed in quickly through his teeth and headed toward the leader’s door on the far side of the room. He really didn’t want to wake him, but he wanted to embarrass him even less. He tapped gently on the door and was surprised when Namjoon pulled it open. He was less surprised to find him shirtless.

“Hey, when’d you get back?” Namjoon asked, pulling a t-shirt on as he stepped into the living room.

“Just now,” Jimin replied. “I didn’t think you’d be up. I just came to tell you that Soohee’s on her way up here.”

“That’s good,” Namjoon said. “Hyung and I wanted to get more work in before dance practice, but we weren’t sure the room would be free.” Yoongi stumbled into the living room just then, dark circles under his eyes. “Ready to go?”

The front door opened, and Sejin led Soohee in. Jimin could see that, though she was doing a lot better than last night, she was still unsteady on her feet. He rushed over and took her hand, wrapping his other arm around her shoulders. He could see the look that passed between his members but didn’t bother addressing it.

“Uh, everyone, this is Lee Soohee,” Jimin said awkwardly. He stopped short of adding my soulmate to the end of the introduction, cringing internally. The other boys bowed deeply. Their respect for her tugged at his heart. “And this is...well, I guess you already know their names.”

Soohee smiled shyly at each of them and bowed in return. He could feel her legs shaking under her, so he steered her to the couch. They naturally gravitated into the now-familiar position of Jimin on her right side, arm across her shoulders. Some of the awkwardness had faded for him, but the others weren’t used to seeing him be this bold. They seemed to be a little lost. A glance at Soohee told him she was feeling the same, maybe more so. Ever the leader, Namjoon stepped forward with a hesitant smile.

“We’re glad you’re doing better,” he said. “I hope we didn’t startle you too badly last night.”

“Oh! No, it was…” Soohe started, then floundered a little. A blush crept up her neck. “Thank you for helping me.” Everyone looked around for a long moment before Sejin cleared his throat discretely.

“Right. Hyung, we should get going,” Namjoon said over his shoulder. Yoongi nodded gratefully. The two offered a quick bow before disappearing out the front door.

“Dance practice at eleven, vocal practice at two,” Sejin said in reminder as he held the front door open. All the boys nodded. “Jimin will skip dance for today. See you all later.” He followed the other two out into the hallway.

Taehyung flung himself down on Jimin’s other side, completely at ease. From out of nowhere, Taehyung produced a small package of crackers and started munching. Jimin blinked, sure he hadn’t had those when they’d left the kitchen. Hoseok perched on the chair across from them. Behind his roommate’s wide smile, Jimin sensed he was uncomfortable. He was pretty sure they’d never had so much as a coordi noona in their dorm before. Despite that, Hoseok leaned forward eagerly and struck up a conversation with Soohee, obviously trying to welcome her.

Taehyung resituated and rested his head on Jimin’s shoulder before pulling away with a horrified face. “ Dude ,” Taehyung said, wrinkling his nose. “Shower.”

Jimin grinned sheepishly. “I’ve been a little busy,” he muttered. Soohee looked up from her conversation with Hoseok with an apologetic smile.

“Go ahead. I’m okay,” she said softly. Her reassuring couplet was already familiar enough to him that he knew what she was going to say next. “I’ll be fine.” He nodded and extracted himself from both her and Taehyung, the latter of whom didn’t seem to actually mind his stench as much as he claimed.

He felt like a whole new person the second he stepped out of the shower. Taehyung pounded on the bathroom door. “I gotta pee!” Jimin came out of the room with a towel around his waist, rolling his eyes at his friend. Taehyung darted past him, and Jimin began to get dressed. He remembered his promise to get Soohee some fresh clothes and pawed through his closet for something appropriate. Honestly, Yoongi’s clothes would be the smallest and would probably be the best fit, but Jimin felt weird about that for reasons he didn’t entirely want to explore. He settled on a pair of his own sweats and a t-shirt. He also chose his own outfit with care--he didn’t want to expose too much and make her uncomfortable, but the doctor had said skin-to-skin was best.

“How’d your meeting go with PD-nim?” Taehyung asked, leaning on the bathroom doorframe and sipping on a can of juice he’d produced from nowhere.

“Fine, I guess,” Jimin said, pulling his loose tank top over his head. He paused. “Except. She was kind of weird when he asked about her parents. You noticed that earlier, right?” Taehyung nodded.

“What did she say?”

“She hadn’t told them about me,” Jimin said, perplexed. He tightened the drawstring on his basketball shorts. “About First Touch. Any of it.”

“Well,” Taehyung said, looking at him pointedly. “Neither have you.”

“That’s different,” Jimin exclaimed. “They’re far away and they worry. I didn’t want my mom to freak out about me starving. I mean, she loves feeding people so much she bought an entire cafe.” He looked at Taehyung thoughtfully. “But I probably should call them tonight.”

“Yeah, probably,” Taehyung said. Then he shrugged. “Maybe she was waiting for that, too.”

“No, that’s what’s weird,” Jimin said. “She didn’t seem to think they needed to know at all. She said they probably wouldn’t even ask for my name. That’s...not right.”

Taehyung pulled a face. “Weird,” he said. Then he scrunched his shoulders. “She’ll tell you about them when she’s ready, I guess.”

Jimin nodded and followed him out of the room, carrying the spare clothes for Soohee. He found her conversing animatedly with Hoseok and Seokjin, who still looked a little bleary-eyed from sleep. Jimin was glad to see him fully dressed, having forgotten in the chaos to warn the eldest. They were talking about favorite recipes and places to eat in Seoul. Jimin caught Soohee’s wistful expression, but she brightened the second she saw him. A warmth spread through his chest at the thought.

“How are you feeling?” he asked in an undertone. Was it his imagination or was she paler than before? He was worried they weren’t making enough progress. She frowned shyly and looked at the empty space next to her. He was pretty sure that was the closest he was going to get to an invitation. He sat beside her and set the clothes on the coffee table. “These are for you when you’re feeling up to it.” He pulled her into his side. To his hyungs’ credit, they didn’t even bat an eye at the skinship.

The atmosphere felt more relaxed with the others around. There was less of a burden for him to find things to say to Soohee, yet it wasn’t awkward silence in which they were both hyper-aware of their bodies pressed against one another. Soohee seemed to be opening up a little better under their kind questions, as well, and he was learning a lot about her. There weren’t a lot of details about her family, but he was beginning to see how important her friend Eunha was to her.

“I’m just glad our teacher didn’t catch us or we would have been in detention for a month,” she said, finishing up a story that had the boys chuckling. “Eunha always has some crazy scheme or another. That’s what makes us good friends. I’m not very...adventurous, I guess you could say. So we balance each other out. She makes me a little braver and I keep her from getting arrested.”

“Sounds a little like Jiminie and Taetae,” Hoseok said, grinning. Jimin chuckled. Taehyung pretended to be offended, inferring correctly which was his role in their relationship.

“She was the one who was with you at the fansign?” Taehyung asked, remembering the detail from their earlier conversation.

“Yeah, she got me the tickets for my birthday,” Soohee answered. Jimin looked up at her, surprised. “And she got us into Music Core. It was kind of a crazy day.”

“Your birthday?” Seokjin asked before Jimin could. Soohee nodded. “Well, Happy Birthday! I’ll make you a cake to-- Oh.” His eyes widened as he lifted a hand to his mouth. All the eyes turned to the pair on the couch, unsure how to proceed. Soohee looked at Jimin and surprised him by giggling. The rest joined in with relief.

“That’s going to take some getting used to,” Soohee said slowly. Seokjin looked at her apologetically. “It’s fine, really. It’s such a weird thing, isn’t it?”

“So, birthdays," Taehyung said, trying to transition form the awkwardness. "Then how old are you?” The question might have come off tactless from anyone else, but his boundless enthusiasm and curiosity were infectious.

“I’m a 94 liner,” she answered. “So I’m 22.” Jimin blinked, and the other boys howled. Taehyung poked him in the ribs.

“You’re going to have to call her noona ,” Hoseok teased. Soohee joined in their laughter, and Jimin couldn’t help but smile. He wasn’t sure that was such a bad thing.

Eventually, the group dispersed, needing to get ready for dance practice. Soohee took the opportunity amidst the chaos to slip into a bathroom and change her clothes. When she returned to the living room, Jimin saw that she had washed her face and tamed her hair. She still looked paler than he thought she should, but he had to admit she looked a lot better than when he’d pulled her off the sidewalk last night. He tried not to pay attention to the way his clothes looked on her curves. When everyone else disappeared out the door, they were left alone on the couch together again. Before the tension could return, Soohee turned to him with a teasing smile.

“You could you know,” she said softly. He furrowed his brow in question. “You could call me noona.”

“Oh,” Jimin said, surprised. He had nearly forgotten the comment from earlier.

“I mean, I know we just met,” Soohee continued shyly. “But considering the situation we’re in...”

“No, I think that’s a good idea,” he replied quickly, already liking the idea a whole lot. “And you’re welcome to call me Jiminie or even Chim. Everyone around here does.” Soohee smiled in a way that made Jimin wonder if he’d missed something important, but then it was gone and she nodded solemnly.

He looked around the quiet dorm and floundered for something to say. His eyes landed on the television, so he said, “You want me to put in a movie or something?” Soohee opened her mouth to answer him but was overtaken by a yawn instead. He chuckled, but deep down he was concerned. “Is this...enough for you?” He motioned to the admittedly small amount of contact they shared.

She opened her mouth again, but this time she snapped it shut with a blush. Jimin looked at her in question, but she averted her eyes, suddenly seeming to find the wall opposite them incredibly fascinating. He regretted asking almost immediately; the awkwardness had returned with a vengeance. He had no intention of pressuring her for more than she was ready for, but he did wonder if she was getting better fast enough. He was about to try to change the subject when she muttered something that sounded like piggyback.

“I’m sorry?” Jimin asked. Soohee pursed her lips and looked back at him with effort, before her eyes fell on their joined hands.

“The piggyback was better,” she said quickly. He wasn’t sure what she meant. She looked up cautiously. “It felt good faster. I mean, it was better? And faster. I mean, I felt better faster.” Jimin was trying to keep up with her blurting, but apparently she thought he didn’t understand, because she desperately added, “Because there was more of us touching?”

“Okay,” Jimin said, trying to hide a smile at her nervousness. He was sure if their situation were reversed, he would be struggling worse than she was. But still. She looked like she wanted to crawl under the couch and somehow it was adorable.

He really wasn’t sure what to say to make her comfortable. Maybe action was better. He scooted away from her, twisting until he leaned against the arm of the couch with one leg wedged between the cushions and the back. Her expression told him she thought she had driven him away from her. He motioned toward himself in invitation. She bit her lower lip in uncertainty, but he waited with a purposely blank face.

“Like this morning?” he said, finally. “The way we were when we woke up?”

She swallowed and leaned forward hesitantly. He took it as permission, gently pulling her against his chest and shifting until she was settled between his legs. She sighed and nestled in, her arms curled between them and the top of her head brushing his chin.

“Is this okay?” he asked. She simply nodded, her cheek rubbing on his chest. “Why don’t we just...try a few things? And you can say when you’re uncomfortable?” She nodded again. “And in the meantime, why don’t we catch a nap?” As she relaxed into him, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, reasoning that more touching was better for her . He tried not to think too hard about how nice and soft she felt in his arms and...between his legs. Just pretend she’s Tae or Kookie. That’s all this is. Just normal skinship. This is normal and fine and not at all different from the Puppy Pile.  He faded off to sleep quickly, still trying to convince himself.

Chapter Text

Soohee woke hours later, only momentarily confused about where she was. The warmth was unmistakable, even before she opened her eyes, and she recalled the nonchalant and unflustered way Jimin had pulled her close. She could tell by the steady rise and fall of Jimin’s chest beneath her cheek that he was still deeply asleep.

She blinked lazily, and her eyes fell on a shelf of collectibles across the room. There were a few Marios she knew belonged to Seokjin and a row of bearbricks she thought were probably Hoseok’s. Suddenly, the outrageousness of the situation hit her square in the face. She was sprawled on top of Park Jimin. Park. Ji. Min . On a couch. In Bangtan Sonyeondan’s living room. She was Bonded to a member of her favorite boy group. And suddenly, inexplicably, thrust into the middle of their lives.

She hadn’t had time to process, not since she’d yelped herself into consciousness in Jimin’s lap. She was alone for the first time since then--she wasn’t counting Jimin as present at the moment--and now her brain was running in a million different directions.

She was really here. This was really happening to her. Park Jimin was really her soulmate. And she was really laying on top of him.

She'd never touched someone this much or for this long before. An instinctual part of her brain told her to push away. She forced herself to relax. This was the only way she’d get better. And it really did feel nice.

Now wide awake, her mind wandered to the major moments of skinship in her life. She remembered only two times when her parents had held her, though they must have done it more when she was little, before her memories became permanent. Once, when she was about seven or eight, she had fallen off her bike on the street in front of the house. The sight of the blood gushing out of the gash on her leg left her hysterical. Her father had held her tight on the bathroom floor so that her mother could bandage the wound. But it as soon as it was done, she was released and handed tissues.

The other time had been at an indeterminate age during a rare family photo at her father’s company Christmas party, when she’d spent all of seven seconds on her mother’s lap wearing an itchy wool sweater and a confused smile. She couldn’t pull any other memories to mind and was sure her count wasn’t far from reality. They just weren’t a touchy family. Although... Her parents seemed to enjoy skinship from one another. Soohee had never really given it much thought before, but something about the inconsistency made her uncomfortable.

She let go of that thought and shifted her mind to Eunha. The older girl had forced her way into Soohee’s world when they were preteens. Eunha was the prettiest girl in school and also the kindest, which made her unrivaled in her popularity. Soohee had been...no one in particular. An average student who spent the majority of her time alone, quietly drawing. But one day at lunch, Eunha sat at her table and refused to leave, either the seat and Soohee’s life. And friendship with Eunha automatically meant skinship. It’d taken Soohee awhile to adjust to arms around her shoulders, pats on her head, and hugs of all emotional varieties. But eventually, though she still rarely initiated them, she found herself enjoying the touches rather than just tolerating them. She supposed she would find that balance with Jimin, too.

The trouble was, touching Jimin was unlike anything she’d ever experienced. She looked down at their bodies pressed together and her hand resting on his chest. Slowly, experimentally, she spread her fingers. Despite the light contact, she could feel the hard contours of his muscles through his shirt. She tried not to think about that too hard. Even if she somehow put aside the insane soulmate energy thing, this was still brand new to her. This was somewhere between friendship and romance and, at the same time, miles beyond both. Her eyes wandered up his chest to his jawline and beyond to his lips, which were slightly parted in slumber. She tried even harder not to think about what they might feel like.

She’d been on a handful of dates. She’d held hands with two different boys. One of them, she’d even kissed a few times. He’d been nice, and kissing him had been, too. But the relationship had been short. He’d gotten bored and moved on fairly quickly, and she’d been left to wonder what exactly it was about her that made people so indifferent. Except for Eunha. But if Soohee was honest with herself, there was a part of her that was still waiting for the other shoe to drop there as well.

The keypad on the front door beeped. The door banged open. Soohee looked up in time to see Jungkook freeze in the threshold. A tiny squeak escaped his throat. She grimaced. Why was she always just freshly conscious when she met the members of Bangtan? The only one she’d gotten a proper, unembarrassing introduction to had been Hoseok.

As the shock faded from Jungkook’s face, she caught sight of a new and all-too-recognizable expression. Even on someone else’s face, it was as familiar to her as breathing--that intrusive awkwardness she always felt when she happened upon her parents’ oblivious Recharging. Her stomach sank with the reminder of what this soulmate thing turned a person into, and she determined she would fight that momentum with everything she had.

Slowly and gently, she pushed away from Jimin, not wanting to disrupt his sleep. His arms tightened around her, crushing her back into his chest. After two more seconds of fruitless wiggling, she settled for shifting further into the back of the couch, raising her head, and smiling broadly in what she hoped was a decent welcome home expression.

“Uh, hi…” Jungkook said. His eyes were wide, darting all around the room and only landing on hers for the barest of seconds before skittering away. Soohee tried not to laugh at how much he resembled a scared bunny. She'd forgotten how jumpy he was around women and felt renewed affection for him.

“Hi,” Soohee said. She tried not to stare at him. That would only make him more uncomfortable. But internet photos could never do him justice. The kid had grown into a giant man-child in the last few months. Possibly more man than child than she was willing to admit. And he was so pretty. Even seeing him for three seconds at the fansign had not prepared her for how pretty he was. “I’m, uh, Lee Soohee? I’m… Jimin’s…soulmate?” Soohee wasn’t sure why she was phrasing these statements as questions. She wished she were at least vertical for this conversation.

“Oh, right!” Jungkook said. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, but his smile seemed genuine--even if it was directed at the floor or the wall behind her head. “Nice to meet you?” He was doing it, too. She smiled back. “Are you better?” Now that one was a real question.

“Yes, I am,” Soohee said, and she meant it. The hours of continuous, intensive skinship had finally helped her break through the wall of fog. She was actually feeling incredible, compared to just hours ago, though she would not soon forget the doctor’s comment that she should be in the ICU. It was awkward to stare at Jungkook from this angle. She tried to sit up again, pushing more firmly this time. Jimin whined, squirming away from the interruption of his sleep and making the poutiest face Soohee had ever seen. Jungkook laughed, high pitched and squeaky and incredibly endearing. Jimin pried one eye open in a slitted glare.

“Maknae…” he growled, his warning clear. He pulled one arm from Soohee’s shoulders to wave it threateningly in Jungkook’s direction. Soohee could tell he was barely coherent.

“You’re squishing her,” Jungkook said, rolling his eyes. Soohee also noticed the miniscule (and wise) step Jungkook took to put himself out of Jimin’s range. “Let her up.” Jimin blinked slowly, turning to look blearily at Soohee.

“Oh! Sorry!” Jimin gasped, finally letting her go. Soohee sat up and stretched the kinks out of her neck and shoulders.

“He’s kind of a violent snuggler,” Jungkook said over his shoulder, already scurrying away. “Don’t be afraid to give him a good kick in the shins. It always works for me.”

By that night, Jimin was antsy. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d stayed this still for this long. He’d only left the couch for bathroom breaks and a short-lived vocal practice. It had taken a bit of maneuvering, since Soohee couldn’t be away from him and Jimin couldn’t just sit while singing. Aside from the lung capacity issue, his muscles were too trained by dance practice to stay still when the music started. Somehow, they’d ended up in a complicated compromise in which she sat on the floor and leaned against his legs while he swayed and tried really hard not to kick her.

Jimin also tried really hard not to be uncomfortable with the audience for a rehearsal. The documents she’d signed that morning basically made her one of the staff, but it felt nothing like having staff at their rehearsal. It was like having a fan at their rehearsal. A very quiet, wide-eyed fan who was rapidly succumbing to the pull of sleep.

Just as Jimin began to worry about her health for the millionth time that day, Seokjin had noticed her nodding off and smoothly ended the session with a quick congratulations to everyone on their hard work. Jungkook had balked for a moment in confusion, but Taehyung slung a comforting arm around his shoulder and dragged him away with an approving look back at Jimin.

Soohee had apologized quietly as Seokjin left to refill their water glasses, but Jimin had simply nestled them back on the couch in their now-patented Nap Position and murmured for her to sleep again. He reminded himself that she was probably out of the woods by now, but he couldn’t shake the image of her limp and shivering on the sidewalk last night. He wasn’t sure if it was a soulmate thing or something else that made his stomach clench at the memory. As Soohee drifted off in his arms, he’d battled the insane urge to call the doctor just to make sure she was okay.

But now, despite their hectic schedule and chronic sleep deprivation, Jimin didn’t have another nap in him. How long had it been since he’d been this idle? Surely not since he entered training. Even “vacations” back in Busan were busier--he went for daily runs, worked a shift or two in the back of his parents’ cafe, and played around with his childhood friends. In any other circumstance, the forced rest might have grated, but all he had to do was look down at the pale and drawn face resting against his chest to let go of any negative emotions.

By the time afternoon had faded into evening, though, Jimin’s muscles were aching. He wasn’t a dedicated runner (like Namjoon), preferring lifting and aerobic cardio, but he felt like he could go for miles tonight. As he was answering the umpteenth message on the fancafe on his phone just for something to do, the rapline slipped through the front door. Jimin instantly brought one finger to his lips and used another to point at Soohee’s sleeping head. They all nodded silently and started for the kitchen.

“What are you guys doing back so early?” Jimin asked softly. It was rare for any of them to come home before dinner when there wasn’t a schedule, and even more uncommon for all three to come in together.

“Seokjin-hyung called a Bangtan Dinner,” Namjoon answered, his voice pitched low. Jimin frowned in surprise. He’d been in the group’s Kakao chat all day and hadn’t seen any such edict. “To welcome Soohee to our family.”

Jimin’s heart swelled. Of course Seokjin would do something like that. He was so kind and gracious. Jimin hoped Soohee would see that, rather than be uncomfortable with the attention. He found her so hard to read and couldn’t tell if he was seeing her true nature or the after-effects of her near starvation.

“Ummm,” Jimin started. “Maybe food isn’t the best welcome…”

“We know,” Hoseok said. “She can’t eat, but she can join us and we can get to know her. There’s more to a Bangtan Dinner than just food.”

An hour later, Jimin gently shook Soohee awake. Seokjin was busy setting the last of the food on the table. Jimin explained to her about their traditional family meals and was strangely delighted to see a soft blush creep up her neck as she understood this one was for her. She instantly ran a hand down her face and tugged at her sleep-mussed hair. When she excused herself quietly to go to the restroom, Jimin got the distinct impression of a mouse scurrying through a silent church. He was suddenly unsure how she would handle the noise level he and his brothers managed to create at a meal.

Sure enough, the first few minutes of dinner were oddly tense. Soohee sat next to Jimin, scooted close to keep in low-level of contact with him at all times. Her eyes were wide, darting around the table as she took in all the members in one place for the first time. Seokjin began a somewhat serious welcome-to-the-family speech before he was interrupted by Yoongi.

“Soohee, we’re glad you’re here,” he said, rolling his eyes at Seokjin, who looked only mildly put-out. “We’re loud.” He looked at Hoseok and Jimin, who shrugged and didn’t object. “We’re strange.” He looked at Taehyung and Jungkook, both of whom adopted wounded faces that melted swiftly into giggles and cross-eyed looks at each other. “And we keep odd hours.” At this, he pointed at himself and raised an eyebrow at Namjoon, who nodded once in complete agreement. “But we’re also a pretty great family who takes good care of one another,” he said, nudging Seokjin. “And that now includes you. Welcome!”

Soohee grinned at him and all the boys raised their glasses or chopsticks in an odd approximation of a toast before whooping and hollering and digging into the dishes of food. Jimin didn’t even think before shoving his face full of japchae. He caught Soohee’s wistful face out of the corner of his eye. He swallowed the elasticky noodles without chewing and whispered, “Sorry. I didn’t even--”

“What?” Soohee asked, startled. “Are you kidding me? Eat, please. There’s no reason you shouldn’t.”

“But,” Jimin said. “You looked so sad…” She shook her head and smiled gently.

“Japchae is one of my favorites,” she said. “ Someone should enjoy it.”

Jimin still felt odd about eating when she couldn’t. The noise of the table covered their murmured conversation, but he could feel Seokjin’s eyes on them. He set down his chopsticks and turned to tell her he’d be fine when she startled him by shoving a dumpling into his partially open mouth. Her eyes held a mischievous challenge, and suddenly the church mouse idea from earlier felt entirely incorrect. At the other end of of the table, Yoongi burst into delighted laughter.

As the dinner progressed, their volume and gestures grew. Soohee joined in the conversation here and there, usually when a question was directed at her. But a lot of the meal was a strange domino effect of Seokjin watching Jimin who was watching Soohee who was watching everyone else. His years with Bangtan had taught him that no dish remained full for long at their table, but he wondered what it must look like through her eyes. The members devoured the food like piranhas, and Jimin chuckled to himself. Bangtan never did anything by halves. Jimin took in everything (from Namjoon’s snort laugh to Hoseok’s constant tapping on the table top to Yoongi’s not-so-subtle attempts to put more food on the maknaes’ plates) with fresh eyes, thinking about how Soohee must see them.

In less than a half hour from when they sat down, Jungkook and Taehyung were squabbling over the last scraps of the meal. The hyungs all sat back with full bellies and sleepy smiles. Jimin felt guilty, realizing that they’d been up most of the night with him and Soohee but hadn’t gotten the opportunities to nap like he had.

“So...” Seokjin began, gesturing at the table lazily. “That was a Bangtan Dinner. We try to have them once a month or so. It’s good to eat like a family. Kind of like...Chuseok, yeah?”

Soohee grimaced. Seokjin hesitated, sitting up a little straighter. Jimin watched them both carefully. She shrugged.

“I’ve only ever celebrated Chuseok once, last year actually,” she said softly. Jimin felt sure there was something sheepish in her voice, like how he sounded when he admitted he didn’t know a singer that was supposedly a big influence in their industry that he was somehow supposed to know.

“Really?” Hoseok asked, his jaw hanging open. Yoongi nudged him, and he instantly schooled his features. “I mean, sure... That’s...normal.” Yoongi groaned softly. Luckily, Soohee gave a weak smile and lifted her shoulders slightly.

“My parents are soulmates,” she said. Her voice was so quiet, Jimin wasn’t sure the others heard, but he was too busy staring to do much about that.

“What?” Taehyung said, his eyes wide. Jimin caught the shock on all their faces. They’d heard. Soohee looked at her lap and fiddled with the napkin she held there, slowly shredding a corner. “Your parents are...?”

“Yeah,” she said, chagrined. Jimin wasn’t sure what to make of her reticence. She looked up at him slowly. “That’s why I starved so quickly. Apparently, that’s a thing. That can happen. For people like me.” Jimin nodded dumbly. “Anyway, as you can imagine, we didn’t really celebrate a traditional Chuseok.”

“I suppose not,” Soekjin said faintly.

Jimin knew in any other circumstance, everyone would be falling over themselves to ask questions. The phenomena was rare enough that people usually only knew one or two people who were Bonded. Or probably only knew of someone, like a friend of a friend. The general population tended to be pretty fascinated with the concept. But every boy at the table could sense that Soohee was less than comfortable. Jimin was increasingly confused about the people who raised her.

Finally, Seokjin smiled as if nothing odd had happened and said, “Well, this is kind of what it’s like, without the games. Although...we could --” Immediately, the others groaned, some throwing balled up napkins at him. “Fine! I take it back! No games!” Seokjin’s immediate surrender and the resulting laughter broke the last of the tension. Soohee smiled at him gratefully.

Namjoon stretched and groaned before pulling himself to his feet. “We might not have a huge schedule tomorrow, but that’s all the more reason to make it an early night and catch up on some sleep.” He tapped Hoseok on the shoulder as he said, “Ninety-fours on dish duty, ninety-fives on counters and floors. Jungkookie, trash. Yoongi-hyung and Seokjin-hyung, thanks for making dinner.” The boys scattered at the leader’s orders with quick bows to their elders in thanks.

Jimin stood, then wavered next to Soohee. She smiled and got to her feet, too. He furrowed his brow, opening his mouth in question, but she answered first, “He said ninety-fours on dishes.”

“Oh, Soohee, he didn’t mean--” Yoongi began gently.

“Didn’t you just welcome me to the family?” Soohee asked with a playful smirk. “Are you taking it back?” Yoongi blinked slowly before beaming at her.

“Knock yourself out.” He gestured toward the kitchen with a similar smirk, and Jimin knew she was well on her way to making an ally. Jimin allowed himself exactly five seconds of gratitude toward his hyung for doing exactly as he’d promised and welcoming his new “sister-in-law” before following her into the kitchen.

Jimin watched her cautiously, looking for any sign of fatigue. She did seem to be getting better the longer the day wore on, but he didn’t really want to risk it. “You know you don’t have to,” he said in an undertone. “You’re not feeling well and you didn’t even eat any of it, so it’s not like it’s your responsibility.”

She shot him a firm look and started to scold him, but stumbled over which honorific to attach to his name. “Jimin-ssi… Jimin-ah…ie...” He couldn’t help but grin at her. At some point after her second nap, they’d slipped into informal speech without a real discussion about it and now they were caught in the awkward middle ground, not quite knowing where they stood.

“Yes, noona?” he replied cheekily. She scrunched her face indignantly at the ease of his words, then grinned.

“Jiminie-pabo,” she tried again, more confident this time. He stuck his tongue out at her and made a mental note to hit Taehyung again for that gift to the fandom. “I’m fine. I’ll be okay.” He wrinkled his nose at the near-mantra. She sighed. “And you’ll be right there if I’m not. I want to contribute. I’ve messed up your whole schedule today, so if there’s any way I can make things easier on you guys, I will.”

Jimin opened his mouth to protest her assessment of her impact, but she’d already grabbed a dishtowel and joined Namjoon at the sink. Jimin felt like warning her to be careful with Namjoon and sharp or breakable things (a skill they’d all learned over the years), but before he could, she’d expertly extracted the knife and glass dish from his hands and suggested he wash the spoons and chopsticks next. Hoseok grinned at Jimin over her head and began putting away the dried dishes. Jimin couldn’t help but be a little impressed.

“Hey, guys,” Yoongi said, staring at them wide-eyed from the kitchen doorway. The tone of his voice had everyone dropping whatever they were holding (luckily for Soohee, Namjoon wasn’t holding anything more than a sponge) and turning to stare. “We just won first place again.”

A cheer rent the air in the kitchen. Jimin could hear Seokjin and Jungkook out in the living room whooping, as well. If he’d been concerned about their noise level at dinner, it was nothing at all to what Soohee was experiencing right now. But when Jimin turned to check on her, he found her cheering and grinning with the rest of them.

“It’s a good thing we filmed that extra acceptance video in Kota Kinabalu just in case,” Taehyung said. Jimin watched Soohee’s face fall a little and knew she was feeling guilty for keeping them from the award show.

In the noise and chaos, he sidled up next to her and whispered, “We weren’t planning on attending even before First Touch.” She looked at him in surprise, startled both by his nearness and his words. “We barely hoped to win once . We had no idea it would be five times. I...can’t believe we won.”

“I can,” she said. It was a simple statement, as if she were saying the sky was blue, but Jimin still felt the weight of it. She smiled slowly. “You deserve it.”

Chapter Text

“Hello?” Soohee said distractedly, tucking her cell phone between her cheek and shoulder so she could keep working. Her hands shuffled through the stacks of papers on her desk. She’d just had that housing market report.

“Hi,” came the hesitant answer. Jimin. Shit, what time is it? Her computer monitor announced that it was past eight. She was usually headed home by now, especially on a Friday night, but she had too much to catch up on after being out of the office for so much of the week.

“Oh, hi,” Soohee said, pulling her hands away from her work and staring down at them to focus on the conversation. She noted absently how quickly the bruises had faded so far, turning a sickly greyish-green as they healed. “Are you finished with your schedule for today?”

“Yeah,” Jimin answered. She could hear the exhaustion in his voice. She’d overheard their daily schedule before she left that morning--two music shows, a new interview variety show, and another fansign. She had no idea how they did it. “We got home about a half hour ago. I was going to go work out, but I wondered if maybe you were coming by...”

“Oh, are you...hungry?” she asked, suddenly feeling guilty. Her mind raced with all the tasks she still needed to complete, a product of having been out of the office all week.

“Well, yes, but I can still eat, remember?” Jimin said. Soohee didn’t know him well enough yet to tell what his tone was trying to convey, although she was pretty sure he was trying to convey something. “At least for a little longer. I was just thinking that if I’m this hungry, you must be, too.”

The day had been so frantic, Soohee honestly hadn’t taken the time to check in with her own body. Now that he mentioned it, she did feel something. It was strange, because the sensation was similar to how hunger felt before Bonding but not the same. It was like a sibling sensation. Her stomach didn’t growl or even have much physical feeling at all, as if the weekend’s pains were her body’s last ditch efforts to remember hunger. But she still felt empty somewhere near her midsection and, if she focused hard, her skin nearly tingled with longing to touch him. It was new enough that her brain didn’t read it the same way yet.

“I guess I am,” Soohee said, trying to cover the long pause. “Today’s been so busy.” She sighed as she looked at her disaster of a work-space, the mountain of apartment listings that still needed to go into the database. “I have so much I still need to get done. Can you grab a snack for now? I can probably last another hour or so.”

“Okay,” Jimin said slowly. Soohee could hear the warning in his voice. “Just don’t push it too far, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt again.” His concern was nearly palpable. When was the last time someone worried about her like this? “The doctor said…”

“I’ll be okay,” she said. Jimin sighed lightly on the other end.

“Yes, you’re fine, I know,” he said without heat. He didn’t sound like he fully believed it. But when he spoke again, his voice was back to the same cheerfulness she was coming to expect from him. “I’ll go to the gym. Text hyungnim when you’re ready to leave your office--”

“I can take the bus, Jimin,” Soohee began. A manger from BigHit had dropped her off at work this morning. She was grateful, but she hated to keep putting them out. “I’m used to it. It’s not a big deal.”

“I know that, but you’re still not at one hundred percent,” he replied. “And besides, it’s kind of the boss’s call. You’re part of the family now, remember? They just want to keep you safe.” Soohee felt something twist inside her. They kept talking about family like it meant something. Apparently, to them, it did. “Anyway, text him and then text me, so I can head back to the dorm. Oh, and don’t forget to use the side entrance to the complex. There should be someone there to let you in if I’m not back yet.”

After they hung up, Soohee went straight back to work. But in the back of her mind, she turned over his concerned words again and again. For now, the unbalance was clear--she needed him, but he was okay without her. And yet, he’d still taken the time to check on her. She was so used to her time being her own and answering to no one, so used to nobody caring what she did or how she did it. This would take some getting used to. She hadn’t seen her parents since Sunday and hadn’t received so much as a text message. She didn’t expect one.

Her fingers had barely landed on the missing report when her phone rang again. She sighed, the warmth from Jimin’s concern fading sharply. She snatched the phone from where she’d just set it and was about give a snappy answer when she saw it wasn’t him. It was Eunha. Her second sigh had a completely different tone than the first.

“Hi, unnie,” she said carefully. If Eunha were the yelling kind, Soohee would have braced for it. As it was, she still held her breath.

“Lee Soohee,” Eunha said crisply. Soohee cringed, wishing the older girl had yelled.

“Unnie….” Soohee said. Even to her own ears, she sounded whiney and sheepish.

“Spill,” Eunha said.

“What…?” Soohee hedged. She noticed her fingers slowly shredding the corner of the housing report and quickly set it across the desk for its safety.

“Don’t you what me. You know exactly what. Tell me everything.”

“Unnie, I’m at work right now.”

“Soohee, you cannot just text your best friend three sentences ‘I found Park Jimin. I’m okay. Talk later’ and then disappear for three days,” Eunha scolded. “That’s unacceptable under normal   circumstances, but we’re talking about your soulmate. Who is Park Jimin. The Park Jimin.”

“Unnie,” Soohee said again, unsure of where to start.

“And then ,” Eunha continued into the empty air. “These two ahjussis in expensive suits showed up at my house and god , Soohee, you’d think I was getting a mortgage with the amount of paperwork they made me sign. I can’t even tell my parents about you and Jimin. Wait, should I even be using his name. Is this line secure? How do you even find out about that kind of thing? Should we give him a code name? Woobin? Jaebum? Or maybe something American? Is Jimmy too close? James? James Bond? Now there’s a code name--”

“Eunha!” Despite herself, Soohee was fighting giggles. “Calm down, okay?” She glanced around the office, though she knew she was the only one left here this late. With an eyeroll, she settled a little further into her chair and the conversation.

“Sorry,” Eunha said, sucking in a loud breath to replenish what her rapid speech had stolen. “But you know how I get when I’m deprived of my best friend for more than a day. I can’t believe you didn’t call me the second you met him.”

“Well, I…kind of couldn’t,” Soohee began, her mirth dissipating under the memory of the last time she saw Eunha. “Oh, unnie, I’m really sorry.”

“For what?” Eunha asked, her tone lowering in response to Soohee’s vocal change.

“For leaving your house the way I did,” Soohee murmured. Her chest tightened as some of her fuzzier memories solidified. Eunha’s furrowed brow. The way her hands shook when she handed Soohee the glass of water. The faint look of goodbye in her eyes as Soohee stumbled away down the front path. “For scaring you. I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah.” Eunha sighed. “I know I just gave you hell for that text, but it was a big relief. I was afraid it was only going to be a day or two before you landed in the hospital. Hell, I wasn’t sure you weren’t going to pass out on the sidewalk on the way home.”

“Well,” Soohee began guiltily. “About that…”

“Soohee...” Eunha’s careful tone was so familiar to Soohee. It meant she was trying desperately not to freak out. “Did you pass out on the sidewalk on the way home?”

“If it helps, it wasn’t exactly on the way to my house ,” Soohee offered with a bleak chuckle.

“In what way is that supposed to help?” Eunha said faintly. She sighed. “Okay, I know that you’re fine and it’s all apparently worked out, so please just tell me what happened. I promise I won’t be mad.”

By the time Soohee finished explaining the past days’ events, interrupted frequently by Eunha’s exclamations and rushed apologies and sheepish invitations to continue, the hour Soohee had promised Jimin was nearly gone. But she’d accomplished exactly none of the work she’d planned for that time. Her hands shook as she pulled the report back across her desk, her phone tucked against her ear as she tried to multi-task.

“I just can’t believe you’ve been hanging out in Bangtan’s dorm for the last few days,” Eunha said reverently. “What are they like?”

“It’s so weird, unnie,” Soohee said, the report quickly forgotten. “They’re just...normal boys. Who also happen to be egregiously talented and famous. It’s like... half of what you’d expect idol life to be and half...I don’t know, like hanging out with your little brothers while they play video games.”

“My little brothers are nothing like Bangtan,” Eunha said vehemently. “They’re rude and gross and obnoxious.” Soohee chuckled and refrained from bursting Eunha’s fan-bubble. She didn’t think Kim Namjoon would appreciate her revealing how gaseous jajangmyeon made him. To be fair, she didn’t think he’d appreciate that she’d noticed him sneaking out the balcony multiple times after dinner last night.

After a short pause, Eunha took a tiny breath. “How’s...Jimin?”

Soohee's only answer for a moment was a short puff of air leaving her throat. Her mind raced to try to put words to her scattered thoughts. "I honestly don't even know where to start. Or how to start."

"That's understandable."

"It's just... Aside from the whole soulmate thing," she started, desperate to leave the "soulmate thing" alone for a moment. "I never really paid much attention to him before now. I mean, sure, we’d agonize over his high notes and his dancing blows my mind. But… It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time. You and I have both been kind of distracted by Tae..."

Eunha gave a small, mangled squeal that Soohee instantly recognized as her Taehyung Noise. They’d both biased him, but Eunha's enthusiasm for him was unparalleled. Well, Eunha's enthusiasm for most things was unparalleled.

"Yeah, um, about that..." Eunha said slowly. "I'm going to need details about that whole... situation. Eventually." Soohee gratefully took the bait.

"Taehyung? He's amazing! Hilarious. Always teasing and jumping around," Soohee said. She paused thoughtfully. "But he's also so much more than that, you know? He's so very, very kind. To me, to the members, about the fans. He loves ARMY so much. Last night, he was all over the fan cafe. It was really weird to watch him post after years of being on the other side." The line was quiet, but Soohee knew she had Eunha's full attention. “Oh, god, and did you watch Mcountdown last night? They came home so thrilled to be on the same show as Big Bang. I thought Jungkook was going to explode with joy. It was hilarious.”

“I saw!” Eunha said with excitement. “I’m so glad Big Bang is back! It’s been way too long. Wait. Did you... Did you go with them to film it?”

“No, the doctor made me stay back and sleep the entire time they were gone,” Soohee said regretfully. “It was the only way he’d let me come to work today. But Taehyung and Jungkook were so sad it was almost funny. I think they kind of see me as a new toy or something? They’re like giant babies sometimes. Taehyung literally pouted at the doctor.”

“Oh my god,” Eunha groaned. “You saw the pout in person. My god, tell me more!”

“Oh! Unnie. His voice . Hell. It’s so much richer in person. I’ve sat through their vocal practice for the last two days, and I could barely breathe. It was like a private concert. They work so hard and sound so good. Seokjin-oppa, too. Everyone forgets about him, but his tone is so clear and perfect and… God, it's all so weird. How is this my life? It kind of feels like a dream."

"It is a dream. It's every ARMY's dream come true."

Soohee’s stomach sank as the reality of the past days swept over her in waves. "But it's also my life , unnie," Soohee said softly, suddenly feeling tears prick at her eyes. "I honestly can't decide if I want to wake up or not. But it's all happening so fast."

"Oh, friend, I know," Eunha said quickly, her voice contrite. "I didn't mean it. You must feel so overwhelmed."

"Yeah," Soohee answered. She looked around her desk forlornly. "And I have so much work to get done because I was only here Monday. And I'm kind of shaking because I'm suddenly so hungry. I need to go back to their dorm, but I just kind of want to go home and hide from everything. It’s still so weird to Recharge. I mean, I sleep on top of an idol on his couch. That’s not normal. But I know I need to or I’ll pass out again but I also need to get this spreadsheet finalized and, ugh, unnie, I really don't know what to do." She felt a tear slide down her cheek and cursed herself for being so fragile.

"You take it one step at a time," Eunha said. Soohee drew strength from her steady tone. "You finish up whatever you can in the next ten minutes and then you go see Jimin. Work will wait. You need to take care of yourself. Especially after what you just went through. Your health is important." Soohee nodded along, sniffling and not caring that Eunha couldn't hear her agreement. "And then you call me again tomorrow. Because this is a huge life change and you shouldn't try to do it alone."

Soohee cleared her throat and pushed the tears away. She agreed with her friend and told her goodbye, afraid that staying on the phone any longer would loosen her tenuous hold on her emotions. It wasn't often that Eunha had to play the level-headed role in their relationship, but she was surprisingly good at it when she did. Soohee took a deep breath and pulled the ragged, tear-stained report toward her once more.

By the time the driver dropped her off behind the dorm complex, it was past ten. Her skittering breaths and shaking hands were evidence that she’d done exactly what Jimin had worried about and pushed herself further than was wise. The doctor said she was still weak, but she’d honestly felt fine until right before she hung up with Eunha. She hadn’t fully realized what he’d meant until now.

Taehyung greeted her with a quick smile when he opened the door, but she could tell he was distracted. “Jimin’s in the shower,” Taehyung said, his eyes fixed on the television screen as they entered the living room.

Soohee stood off to the side. Despite spending 48 hours in this living room, she was still unsure of her status in their home. She kicked off her high heels and slipped into the guest slippers someone had left by the door.

For her.

Her clue was not even that they were pale purple with kittens on them while all the boys had a standard black pair. She knew they had to be hers because the boys didn’t really host any other guests. Maybe they were left by the same coordi noona who had dropped off a bag of her own clothes and toiletries yesterday morning after Soohee’s desperation for a shower outweighed her principles. The bag had also come in helpful when she’d been running too late to go home before work that morning--the noona had packed her a nice variety and had somehow known which heels were Soohee’s favorites. Soohee would need to meet her and thank her.

Soohee awkwardly shuffled further into the room. Taehyung pulled his face away from the television, realizing he was being rude. “Sorry, I’m a little caught up in my show right now. I’ll turn it off.”

Soohee glanced at the screen and gasped. “The new season of One Piece !” She had missed nearly all of it when she’d tried to watch it with Eunha. Now that she was seeing it with healthy eyes, she couldn’t quite imagine how she had slept through it. This, possibly more than anything else, confirmed to her how near death she’d really been.

“You watch One Piece ?” Taehyung asked, his eyes widening with excitement.

“Absolutely,” Soohee said, instantly forgetting her shyness and perching on the couch. “Is this the first episode?”

“No,” Taehyung said. He scooped up the remote and pressed a few buttons, easily switching episodes. “But now it is.”

“You don’t have to--”

“I don’t mind,” Taehyung said, ginning his rectangle smile. Soohee couldn’t help herself from grinning right back. That was the smile that had first drawn her to him as her bias. And now he was doing it toward her. In person. She thought of the near heart attack Eunha would be having right now if their positions were reversed, but Taehyung’s enthusiasm interrupted her musings before long. “The members will watch other shows with me, but no one’s into this one. It’s more fun to share it.”

Soohee tucked herself into the corner of the couch, pulling the now-familiar throw blanket over her lap. She was already caught up in the animation and story line. Taehyung plopped in an armchair nearby, curling around a large throw pillow until all she could see was half his face and some of his limbs. Not for the first time, she thought of a koala bear. When Jimin came through the archway to the hall, wet hair dripping onto his tank and sweats, Soohee had almost forgotten about how much she needed him. The second her eyes landed on him, however, her hands tremored once, like some kind of autonomic greeting.

“Hi,” she said, shy once more. Twelve hours away from him had undone what little the last few days had accomplished in blunting the surrealism of being Bonded to a member of Bangtan. He was like an ancient god of dance and music come to life. Frankly, it didn’t make sense to her how they got paired up. She thought of her conversation with Eunha and had to work for a second to keep the prickling sensation in her sinuses from progressing further.

“Hey,” Jimin said, using a towel to tousle his wet hair before tossing it through the open door across the hall. “Sorry, I thought I’d be quicker than that. Have you been waiting long?”

“Jiminie, she likes One Piece !” Taehyung blurted before Soohee could respond. “Now you don’t have to watch it with me if you don’t want!”

“Well,” Soohee began, chagrined. Jimin chuckled and crossed the room. “Unless you’re planning on turning it off, he’ll kind of have to...” Taehyung shrugged, seemingly unbothered by his friend’s potential boredom, and turned back to the show.

Jimin slid onto the couch, angling along the back of the cushions and pulling her in. Nap Position Number 2, a variation on Number 1 but more spoon-like. They had developed about six holds in the last few days, though they had yet to perfect the Vocal Practice Pose. Hopefully, they wouldn’t need that one for much longer though. Once she was back to full-health, they’d only need a few hours of Recharging throughout the day instead of the constant contact of the last few days, and he could do a lot of his schedule without her.

Soohee rested her back against his chest with a grateful sigh and tried to ignore the way his arms settled around her middle or how one of his legs hooked over both of hers. There was nothing strictly wrong with how they were situated, and it definitely helped them Recharge more quickly. But it still felt so much more intimate than she was entirely ready for.

In the past few days, she’d allowed him to take the lead and had yet to tell him he’d crossed a line. The problem was, she wasn’t exactly sure where her lines were. Or, more accurately, her lines of comfort were crossed if a handshake lasted too long, so she didn’t know what was reasonable for her to be legitimately bothered by and what she needed to endure for their health. So far, she’d pretty much judged the propriety of their entanglements by height of the other members' eyebrows. And none of them had seemed concerned after the first day of adjusting to the concept. It helped when the others were around or if there was something to distract her.

So she focused as many brain cells as she could on the show and Taehyung’s reaction to it. Once the initial awkwardness faded, she couldn’t feel anything but content. The sensation of touching Jimin was something she still couldn’t quite put into words. It was definitely like sating hunger. But it was so much more than that. It was finding a soft bed after a long day. So restful and quiet and calm. But somehow, without being a contradiction, it was also the buzz of a caffeine high or the adrenaline rush of a roller coaster, all heat and power and elation.

At the end of the second episode, Taehyung paused the show to grab a snack. Soohee looked over her shoulder at Jimin and found him fast asleep. She smiled, remembering his long day. Her smile quickly turned into a jaw-cracking yawn. She tried to tell herself not to fall asleep here. She’d spent the last two nights on this couch with Jimin. The doctor had cleared her to return to her normal activities, and she was determined to do so. She didn’t want to take up any more space in Bangtan’s world than she had to and was desperate to get her work situation back under control as soon as possible. She would spend another hour here and then go home. She would.

But the long day of answering a million questions, enduring uncomfortable reminders that none of her coworkers had really noticed her absence, and playing professional catch-up left her drained. Unbidden, she remembered the duffle in the hall closet still contained three clean blouses and a pair of slacks. Her eyes were rebelliously staying closed, not matter how hard she tried to pry them open. Jimin’s arms tightened around her in his sleep and she unintentionally nestled further into his embrace. After only a few seconds, she couldn’t quite remember why being awake was so important.

Jimin woke early on Saturday morning, comfortably smooshed between Soohee and the back of the couch. He groaned sleepily and stretched as best he could. He glanced down at Soohee’s profile, softened by slumber, and sighed. She had pushed herself too hard yesterday. He known it the second he stepped into the room last night. She probably had no idea how wrung out she’d looked.

Only three days into knowing her, he could already tell she was a lot like Jungkook: hard-working, stubborn, and independent to a fault. Three years of friendship with that workhorse of a maknae had taught Jimin that scolding or cajoling would never work. So Jimin figured he was better off applying the same strategy to Soohee that he’d developed for Kookie--shut up and help deal with the fallout. With Kookie, that meant silently passing him extra water bottles, slipping more meat on his plate at dinner, and asking Seokjin to wake him last some mornings.

With Soohee, he’d just have to hope whatever skinship he could give her would simultaneously be enough and not cross her comfort levels. He figured he was doing something right, since the scrapes on her arms and legs had healed to pale pink scabs and both of their First Touch bruises were halfway gone. They constantly looked like they’d been playing in dirt, but even that would be gone soon. It got easier each time the coordis had to cover his with make-up. Maybe today, he could finally ditch the gloves.

A small crash from the kitchen and a harshly whispered curse startled Jimin. Was Yoongi up at this hour? Soohee roused from her sleep and wriggled ever-so-slightly closer. Jimin wasn’t sure it was a conscious choice, but for some reason, it still felt like a victory. She scowled groggily and sat up. He followed her so they were side-by-side but still very entwined. She looked like she was concentrating hard on something before her expression cleared and she gave a weak smile.

“Good morning,” he croaked. He cleared his throat, catching her in a goofy smile. She schooled her features quickly. He opened his mouth to question her but she spoke first.

“Morning,” she said, her brow furrowed. “What time is it?”

At that moment, Jimin was attacked by a wide yawn. He fumbled for his phone. “Uhhh, a little after six…” He blinked and screwed up his face in the after effects of the yawn. Soohee smirked again. He brushed cluelessly at his face, wondering if there was something on it he didn’t know about.

“You guys have a schedule today?” Soohee asked.

“Yeah, a fan event and a music show tonight,” Jimin answered. He pursed his lips. “Plus the regular dance and vocal practices. And I think we might be doing a magazine interview or two? Maybe some recording...” He shrugged. “Sejin will tell us. All I know is that we need to be ready by eight.”

“Sounds busy,” Soohee noted sympathetically.

“That’s promoting for you,” Jimin said. “We’re pretty used to it. So far, this year has been kind of a breeze. Last year was brutal.” He mentally shuddered, remembering the insanity promoting Skool Luv Affair, filming American Hustle Life , and preparing for Danger . He was pretty sure the coming tour was going to be worse, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. “What are you up to today?”

“Oh, I think I’ll go to work for a few hours,” Soohee said, rubbing sleep out of her eyes and thankfully missing Jimin’s expression of frustration before he caught himself. She looked up again and groaned. “I don’t want to, really. I’d like to curl up and nap for days, but I was under the pile before all this happened.” Jimin was surprised by her candor.

“You’ve never really explained to me what you do,” Jimin said. He should probably be pulling himself off the couch and claiming the shower before his brothers woke up, but their legs were still tangled together and it felt too nice having her near and in a seemingly open mood.

“I work for a residential conglomerate,” she responded. Jimin had no idea what that meant and his face must have shown it, because she laughed. “I work for a company that owns a lot of rental properties. Apartments, condos, houses, hotels, the works. I do a lot of data entry and market research.”

“Oh,” Jimin said slowly. He hesitated to say anything negative, but if he was being honest it sounded...dull. “Do you enjoy it?” Soohee wavered for a moment.

“Sometimes,” she said. Then she grimaced. “It’s not glamorous or what most people would call fun . It’s nothing like being an idol.” Her nearly-apologetic face made him uncomfortable, but she continued, “But it’s… I don’t know. Fulfilling? I like to figure out little problems. And I have this...freakish memory thing? So if someone needs to know...um, let’s say they need to know the average price of a mid-level, three bedroom condo on the west side of Gangnam, I can probably tell them within ten thousand won just based on the street name. And that’s satisfying, I guess?”

She looked up at him through her eyelashes, suddenly shy. Jimin wasn’t sure how to reply. He believed her, but it was also kind of foreign to him. His life was so far removed from office work like that. He scrambled for something encouraging to say, to keep her talking and his brain was blank. She sighed.

“I just like to feel useful and help people,” she mumbled. “And I like being good at something. It’s nice.” Now there was something Jimin could relate to. He grinned at her.

“Morning, sleepyheads,” Yoongi said from the kitchen doorway, surprising them both. “Jiminie, your hair is out of control.”

Jimin hurriedly scrubbed his hands through it, Soohee’s earlier smirks making sense now. “Hyung, you’re never up this early,” he said. “What’s the occasion?”

“I never went to bed, pabo,” Yoongi replied mildly, sinking into the armchair across from them and cradling a steaming cup of coffee in his hands like a treasure. “Seokjin-hyung left some mul naengmyeon in the fridge for breakfast this morning. I know you’re probably not hungry but since it’s one of your favorites, you might want to get to it before Tae does.”

Jimin groaned happily and disentangled himself from Soohee and the couch cushions. “Hyung’s cooking is all good, but this is one of his best dishes,” he informed Soohee over his shoulder. He stopped himself from flying to the kitchen, but just barely. He returned quickly to the living room after dishing up a sensible portion of the food and settled cross-legged at the coffee table. Jimin listened as Soohee asked Yoongi questions about Daegu and his family in an artfully casual way that had the older boy spilling more than Jimin had learned in the first six months of being in Bangtan. He was impressed.

Or he would be, if he weren’t focused on the food in his mouth. It wasn’t quite right, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. It wasn’t spoiled, but it wasn’t as good as it normally was. And he felt like he couldn’t fit more than a few bites, as if he’d eaten several courses already today. Yoongi glanced over at him and caught his wrinkled nose.

“What’s wrong with your face?” Yoongi asked, smirking slightly. Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Nothing is wrong with my face ,” Jimin said, pulling in another mouthful. He chewed quickly and swallowed, pushing the bowl away from himself. Yoongi eyed him suspiciously. Jimin sighed. “Don’t tell hyung, but I think he’s losing his touch.”

Yoongi pulled the dish forward and grabbed a bite. He closed his eyes for a moment like he was thinking about something important. Finally, he furrowed his brow at Jimin and said, “It’s as good as always. Might even be a little bit better than normal. What’s your problem?”

Jimin scowled. “It tastes...off. Like he forgot some spices or something. Just bland.” Yoongi looked at him like he was insane and took a second bite. The older boy shook his head and looked to Soohee for some kind of conspiratorial help. Hoseok wandered sleepily into the living room from the hall, thankfully wearing pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, unlike other mornings this week.

“Morning,” he said.

“Hobi, settle something for us,” Yoongi asked. He trapped a bite of noodles on the chopsticks and held it out to Hoseok. “Taste this and tell us what you think.” Hoseok eyed it suspiciously and looked at the room’s occupants as though waiting for one of them to pounce. Yoongi sighed dramatically. “There’s nothing wrong with it. I promise. We’re just trying to figure out if hyung’s cooking is improving.”

Hoseok leaned forward and took a tentative bite, then smiled broadly. “I don’t know how he does it,” he said, pulling the chopsticks out of Yoongi’s hands and flopped onto the floor next to Jimin. He dug into the food obliviously.

Jimin scooted away and leaned against the couch with a frown. He knew he didn’t strictly need it after spending six hours Recharging, but with his limited window to eat whatever he wanted, he wanted to take advantage of every opportunity and here Hoseok was eating his food out from under him. He froze.

“Wait,” Jimin said. Lifted himself back on the couch and stared at Soohee, who stared back in confusion. “Is this a soulmate thing?”

“What do you mean?” Soohee asked.

“It doesn’t taste as good as it used to,” Jimin said. “And I feel...full? Like I can’t fit very much in my stomach. Is this what it’s like?”

Soohee stared at him for a long moment with an inscrutable look on her face. “No,” she said slowly. “Not for me, at least.”

“Well, how did it happen?” Jimin asked. She looked away from him for a moment. The edges of her ears were tinged red. “You’ve never actually said.”

“It was…” she began, turning back to him. Her mouth settled into a grim line. “It wasn’t fun...” The image of her pale face slack against wet pavement seared across his mind, and he flinched. She quickly said, “I’m fine now. I’m okay.” Something flared in his chest at the perfunctory answer, which he was coming to see as a deliberate deflection.

“Seriously, I want to know,” Jimin said. He wasn’t sure why he was pressing, only that he was suddenly exhausted by knowing nearly nothing about her. “If I’m about to go through it, it’d be nice to know what’s coming.”

“It won’t happen the same way, since I’m here to help you Recharge right away anyway.”

Jimin was being dismissed, and he didn’t like it. Every once in awhile, Taehyung would get like this, obviously full of things he wasn’t saying, and Jimin would have to poke the sorest spot he could find until the other boy exploded. It was the only way they could clean up the mess festering inside his head. He felt the same challenge from Soohee and for once didn’t feel like deferring to her as a stranger and a guest in their home.

“But...did you just not want food anymore?” Soohee snorted indelicately but held her tongue. Jimin looked at his brothers. Both were watching with ill-concealed fascination. “Did it not appeal?” Soohee rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Come on,” he wheedled, leaning forward. “I need to know. Did it just start to smell bad or something?”

“No, Park Jimin, it did not smell bad,” she responded tersely. “I did not stop wanting it and it did not stop appealing to me, okay?” Jimin sat back, mildly satisfied. He had yet to see her this emphatic about anything. It was kind of nice.

“You just weren’t hungry?” he prodded, knowing he was wrong but unwilling to cede the ground he had gained.

“Are you kidding me?” Soohee exploded. The other boys blinked and sat back, but Jimin grinned. It only infuriated her further. “Have you forgotten that I was literally starving ?” Jimin kept his chagrin off his face; he was not likely to forget that for his entire life but he wanted her to keep talking. She groaned, closing her eyes. Jimin knew he’d won. “Everything looked wonderful and smelled amazing. I swear I was being haunted by the ghost of a baker or something--all I wanted were pastries and bread and ugh, my mouth would water all day long. I wanted to eat everything in sight. I was so hungry and shaky and empty . But when I ate, do you know what it tasted like?”

Her eyes flew open, and she stared at him in accusation. Jimin felt guilty, realizing he was at least somewhat responsible for what she went through. Her eyes were practically shooting sparks, but  there was no going back now. Hoseok shifted uncomfortably on the floor next to his feet, and Jimin gently laid hand on the older boy’s shoulder.

“It wasn’t missing spices , Jimin,” she spat. “It tasted like licking the inside of a dumpster. It was horrifying. Even the rice was awful. Rice , Jiminie. How do you fuck up rice ?” This was the first time they’d heard her swear. Jimin heard Yoongi snort softly somewhere off to the side. Her volume and gestures grew as she continued, “But I was so hungry, so I just forced myself eat. But it wasn’t like I was ‘a little bit full’ like you said. It was painful and gross and embarrassing, because do you know what happened? Of course you don’t, so I’ll tell you! I ended up vomiting in an alley. So, no, that is not what it was like for me at all. It was awful and scary and--”

She cut herself off and looked up at him mortified. The silence rang loudly in the room for a moment.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to say half of that,” she whispered.

She shrank back against the couch covering her very red face, though Jimin wasn’t sure if that was from her fury or her embarrassment.

“Can we...just pretend that didn’t happen?”

Jimin smirked, licking his lips thoughtfully and feeling kind of proud of himself for drawing her out. “So it wasn’t fine,” he said lightly. She looked at him in confusion. “Since we’ve met, you’ve been telling me everything’s fine and you’re fine even when we both know you’re not, so it’s nice to see you being honest now.” She curled her lip in a silent snarl, but Jimin just dared her disagree. “I’m sorry it sucked for you. Truly. That sounds awful and I hate that you went through it. But I’m glad you told us.”

“On the bright side, you’ll never have to vomit again,” Yoongi suggested helpfully. Everyone turned to him blankly. Soohee burst out laughing. Hoseok sagged a little against Jimin’s leg in relief.

“Thank god for that,” she responded. She stared longingly at Yoongi’s coffee mug. “Although, if things still tasted good, I’d be willing to risk it. I’m seriously considering murdering you for that coffee.” Yoongi laughed, but Jimin didn’t miss the way he pulled the coffee just a little bit closer to himself as if protecting it.

She sighed softly and muttered, “God, I miss coffee...”

Chapter Text

Soohee fit her key into the lock and pushed the front door open. She hadn’t been home in nearly a week. She knew BigHit had sent representatives to her parents the same day they’d visited Eunha, but they hadn’t sent even a simple text of question or congratulations. This was the longest she’d gone without contact with them. She could have initiated the conversation herself, but what was the point any more? She closed the front door behind her and sent a muted echo through the dark house.

She exhaled softly, slipping off her shoes and dropping her purse on the side table. The scuffing of her house slippers sounded loud in the empty space. She sank onto her bed and pulled her favorite pillow to her chest for comfort. For a Saturday, the office had been pretty busy. Her task list had stayed the same length all day. Every time she’d walked into her boss’s office to deliver a project, she’d walked out with two new ones.

She’d only spent about an hour Recharging with Jimin at the dorm, which was kind of feeling like not enough now. She still hadn’t been able to talk BigHit management out of driving her everywhere, so she felt extra silly asking to come home tonight. But she was out of clean clothes, and she reasoned that a quick drive was less of a burden than sending another coordi noona to riffle through her closet. Plus, she had no plans for Sunday other than sleeping the majority of the morning away. She supposed she could have done that with Jimin on the couch, but he had another early schedule and she missed her bed. And the quiet.

She’d never really given it much thought before, not having siblings, but seven boys were extraordinarily loud. And seven musicians and singers and dancers? Their front door should have a safety warning about required hearing protection.

She wriggled under her covers and relished the silence surrounding her. She hadn’t been alone, or at least conscious and alone, since she’d crash-landed on the pavement in front of the BigHit offices. She didn’t count bathroom breaks or being the last to leave the office, though those moments had become surprisingly sacred.

Her eyes trailed lazily all over her room, the sights familiar and yet oddly separate from her somehow. She felt like she’d been gone for more than a few days. She wasn’t much of a traveler, so this was probably the longest she’d been away from home. Everything was exactly where she left it--the coordi noona had been discreet. And yet, the room didn’t feel like it belonged to her anymore, as if it was already a part of her past.

After that thought, the quiet pressed in around her uncomfortably. Her brain felt itchy. It took her a long moment to identify it as something like boredom, which was ridiculous. She was exhausted, it was past midnight, and she was in her own space. There was no need to be bored--it was time to sleep. She dragged herself off her bed and into the bathroom to wash her face.

One look at her hair in the mirror reminded her how desperately she needed a shower. She’d been avoiding it as much as possible at the dorm. It wasn’t that she couldn’t shower there, though it was complicated to align the schedules of eight people and only two bathrooms when they all needed to be out of the house as early as possible. It was just…

Getting naked in Bangtan’s dorm, even behind a securely locked door, was the strangest experience so far in this process. She’d tried extra hard not to think about the fact that she was naked in the same space they had all been naked--recently naked--and just wash as quickly as possible. And yet, her brain kind of short circuited seeing their damp towels on the rack and their razors and toothbrushes lining the sink.

And the smell . Seokjin and Hoseok made sure they all kept the house spotless even during the height of their promotion schedule, so it wasn’t an unclean smell. But all the body washes and shampoos and aftershaves and other beauty products had left a distinct, manly aroma lingering in the room and the towels. It was nice but completely overwhelming. And it had followed her all day even though she’d used her own toiletries (which had been thoughtfully included in her duffel).

After her shower, she put on her favorite pajamas, the ones that she’d never even think about wearing in front of Bangtan, and sank gleefully into her bed. She turned off the lights and let her brain drift over the last week. Her whole life had been turned upside down. The last time she’d lain here, she’d known change was coming, if she could only manage to live long enough to see it. But nothing could have prepared her for the way it’d all landed. Bangtan was so much more than she’d expected or known from online and concerts. They were so real . And so good to her, welcoming her as if she’d been part of their weird little family the whole time.

She rolled to her side and wondered what Jimin was doing right then. When she’d left, he’d been about to engage in a heated video game battle with Taehyung and Jungkook. She hoped they went to bed soon. It was so late, and they had another early morning, though they didn’t seem to care about that. How they functioned on so little sleep was a mystery to her. Not just functioned, but managed to pull off complicated and exhausting choreography and still have the energy to do everything else they needed to do in a day. Especially Taehyung and Yoongi. She wasn’t sure those two ever really slept.

Yoongi had snuck into the dorm some time right before dawn every night she’d been there. Soohee had woken every time the front door opened but never let on, because the first morning Yoongi had snuck over to her and Jimin and pulled a blanket gently up to their shoulders. She figured he’d be embarrassed if he knew that she knew. He must have been in the studio churning out more new music--it seemed that never really stopped, no matter where they were in the promotion cycle.

Taehyung was an entirely different story. He had a serious case of insomnia. He was almost always the last to retire for the night, and Soohee still heard him in the kitchen at all hours several times. She wondered if this was common, or if her presence in the dorm and Jimin’s absence in their bedroom was unsettling to him. She sighed and rolled over for the millionth time, unable to find a comfortable position. Something was missing.

Jimin.

In the short time she’d known him, she’d kind of become accustomed to Recharging as they slept. Was she so used to it she couldn’t sleep without it? Or did she maybe miss the rhythm of his heartbeat under her ear and the comfort of his arms draped around her? She thought of his raspy morning voice and something curled gently in her stomach while a smile curled across her face. Maybe she was dreading waking up alone without his adorably bleary eyes and rumpled bed-head to greet her and soothe away her typical morning grumpiness.

Soohee, you can’t possibly miss him. You’ve spent all week internally complaining about missing your space. Go. To. Sleep.

Her pep talk was surprisingly ineffective. She tossed and turned for several more minutes before flinging the covers off her legs and wandering to the kitchen. The room, which was now completely superfluous in this house, made her wistful. This had always been her refuge. Without thinking, she put the kettle on before remembering she couldn’t even drink tea anymore--it tasted a lot like boiled leaves now. When it whistled softly, she pulled it off the element and poured the hot water into a tea cup. She carried it to the small table in the nook and curled into one of the spindly chairs. The steam felt nice on her face. She considered tossing in a tea bag, if only for the pleasant aroma, but it felt too wasteful.

The house was quiet. Too quiet. She was sure her parents were huddled away in their room, Recharging and enjoying one another’s company. For the first time in her life, she was jealous of them not because she wasn’t a part of their Bond but because she was missing her own. Which was crazy. Sure, she and Jimin had only Recharged for an hour, which was likely less than she needed, but she wasn’t particularly hungry. She was just…

Lonely.

There. She’d admitted it to herself. And it wasn’t just Jimin. She missed them all. The noise, the chaos, the warmth.

This house was so...cold. She looked around forlornly. She didn’t want this house. It held nothing for her but a closet full of clothes and an empty bed. She wanted the dorm.

You’re insane, Lee Soohee , she chastised herself as she sipped at the completely unfulfilling hot water in front of her. It is late and you are thinking ridiculous things. Go to bed. This will all look so different in the morning .

But she couldn’t shake the feeling her old life was like a sweater that had shrunk in the wash and she was fruitlessly trying put it back on anyway.

Early Sunday morning, Jimin turned off the vibrating alarm on his phone and slid silently out of the top bunk. This was the first night he’d slept in his own bed in a week. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence, what with all the traveling they did, but it was unusual to spend his nights ten meters away from his bed, tangled around a girl on the couch. But last night, she’d finally gone home. He still wasn’t sure that had been a wise choice. He was sure she needed more Recharging, especially after all the work hours she put in yesterday, but she seemed eager to get back to her normal life, and he didn’t want to stand in the way of that.

He quickly pulled on workout clothes, grabbed his gym bag, and crept out of the room. He’d only visited the gym a handful of times since their album dropped and his abs were definitely showing the lack of attention. It was an ungodly hour to be awake, a fact driven home when he bumped into Yoongi coming back from the studio for the night. They paused, Yoongi just inside the front door, Jimin perched on the couch halfway through tugging on his shoes.

Yoongi quirked a sleepy eyebrow at him silently. Jimin shrugged. Yoongi rolled his eyes with mild exasperation. Jimin wrinkled his nose in objection. Yoongi sighed. Jimin looked away. Yoongi grunted. Jimin smirked. Yoongi waved carelessly and disappeared into the room he shared with Seokjin. For a moment, Jimin let the silent conversation wash over him, his hyung’s odd mix of disapproval and encouragement feeding something deep inside Jimin's soul. Then he shook himself and finished tying his shoes.

Once at the gym, he warmed up with a jog on the treadmill. His mind wandered as he found his rhythm. He rarely had alone time as a member of Bangtan, especially while promoting. But what little he usually got had been taken up with Soohee lately. He surprised him how much he didn’t mind. But it was still nice to have a minute to himself. On another morning, he might have dragged Jungkook out of bed to be his gym buddy--their competitive sides worked well together in this arena--but he just wanted to be alone. He transitioned into weightlifting and strength training, his mind returning to his soulmate.

Her outburst yesterday had surprised and impressed him. He was glad to see there was some fire inside her. In the life he lived, the life she was unavoidably joining, no one made it very far by being meek and reserved and unwilling to ask for what they needed. He hadn’t realized he’d even been worried about that until she’d shown him she had some fight. He was a little less worried now. He reminded himself it wouldn’t be the same for her as it was for him--she wasn’t an idol--but she would still need to assert herself a lot more if she didn’t want to get run over by this business. And she had to be more open with him about her needs if she didn’t want to fall into starvation again, especially with the pace Bangtan kept.

Their schedule was only going to get more chaotic in the coming months. They had a few more weeks of promoting I Need U . Then the concert in Malaysia. And their two year anniversary Festa celebrations. And the Japanese stuff. He groaned as he tallied up all they had coming up. Because they also needed to drop Dope and promote it before the tour. He paused in his crunches. The world tour. How was she going to maintain a day job when he needed to be out of the country for over a month?

Shit. He returned to his crunches, unconsciously increasing his pace. It’s not going to be long before I need her like she needs me, especially if yesterday was really the start of things. There’s no way she can stay here. Will they hold her job for her? Is that even a thing companies do?  Or do I have to...skip the tour? How the hell is this going to work? His mind raced as he went through the motions of his workout. He was drenched in sweat and shaking by the time he returned to the dorm.

After his shower, he thought about calling Soohee. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say to her. Did he want to ask her what her plan was? She might not know much about their upcoming schedule. Did he want to apologize? That was generally what he felt like doing every day. Could he ask her to give up her job for him? He knew he wouldn’t, couldn’t , do the same for her. Skipping the tour wasn't an option. He decided to put his phone away until he had an answer to at least one of these questions.

He wandered into the kitchen, following his nose to the pot Seokjin had boiling on the stove. His stomach growled uncomfortably, and he realized he’d been hungry for a while. He skipped meals all the time. During their busiest schedules or when he was severely dieting, he might only eat one small meal a day. So he was generally at least low-level hungry at any given time. But now, every time his stomach twinged, he thought of Soohee.

The first few days, when they were getting her back on her feet, he’d pretty much skipped every meal and hadn’t missed them. But since she returned to work, he’d supplemented with a snack or two and a small meal in the middle of the day. He wasn’t sure how she was managing. He sighed, waffling for a moment about whether to call her or to grab a bowl of the soup to start his day. He wondered if it would even taste good. Even if it did, he really didn’t want it. Recharging was just...better.

His phone was pressed to his face, the tone ringing in his ear before he thought about how early it was or what in the world he planned to say. He realized there was nothing he could say, especially over the phone, about an idol’s life without freaking her out. Even if she’d been a die-hard fan, she had no idea the life she'd just tripped into. There was no explaining it. She was just going to have to see it for herself.

“Hello?” came her groggy voice. “Chim? I mean, um, Jiminie?” Jimin simultaneously cursed himself for waking her up and stifled a giggle at her sleepy confusion. She cleared her throat and added an honorific to his name the third time she said it.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Jimin asked. He wondered when she’d stop stumbling over his name. She hadn’t had a problem calling him Jiminie when she had been practically yelling at him yesterday.

“It’s six in the morning,” Soohee said. Jimin could tell she was trying to keep her grumpiness out of her tone. She was failing. “On a Sunday.”

“Sorry,” he repeated. He shifted from foot to foot, staring at the soup on the stove. He really didn’t want it. “Um, I didn’t look at the clock. I was just thinking...you’re not working today, right?”

“Yeah,” Soohee answered slowly. “Thus the reason for me sleeping.”

“Right, sorry. Again,” Jimin said. He bit his lip, feeling stupid. Soohee cleared her throat again. He heard rustling as if she was climbing out of bed.

“No, it’s okay. I just kind of wake up angry. I always have. Sorry,” she said in a rush. She chuckled lightly. “What’s up?” Jimin frowned thoughtfully. This made so much sense. He recalled her silence and furrowed brows every morning this week. Before he could respond to her question, she muttered, “God, I’m starving .”

“Yeah, that’s kind of why I’m calling,” Jimin said. “I was hungry and then I realized you have the day off. We’ve got a pretty heavy schedule today, so meeting up is going to be difficult, but you could...tag along...if you like.” Jimin cringed, wishing he was better at, well, everything. “I mean, if you want to… It might be easiest? And you’d get to see what my life is like?” He forced himself to stop talking.

“Um,” Soohee said. Jimin scrunched his face, wishing he could rewind to five minutes ago before he ever made this call so he could not make this call. “Sure, just let me pull myself together. That might be really great. I mean, that could...work really well. See you in an hour?”

“Sure,” Jimin said with relief. “I’ll send someone to come get you.” He thought he might have heard her sigh, but they were ending the conversation before he could bring it up.

Jimin sagged against the counter. This is going to get easier, right? he wondered to himself. He froze. He’d just invited his soulmate out into public for the first time without any kind of prior approval from management. Without regard for the PR Plan. Shit. I should probably have checked with Sejin . Sighing, Jimin opened his phone again.

And hour later, practically to the minute, Soohee knocked on the front door. Jimin greeted her and frowned internally at how fatigued she looked. He considered that she might still be waking up, but he guessed it was likely the hunger getting to her. She smiled gratefully as he swung the door wide.

“You know, you should probably have the code.” So far, he or one of the other members had been here to let her in, but he didn’t like the idea of her sitting in the hallway waiting for him. And she would be over every day now. For the rest of their lives. He swiftly pushed that heavy thought out of his mind before the weight of it could stun him. Soohee tilted her head back in surprise then nodded thoughtfully. “Our security team makes us change it from time to time, but this one is new so it should last a while. But they hate it if it’s written down anywhere, so you’ll have to memorize it.”  After she’d repeated it back to him twice, he moved them to the couch.

“Aren’t we leaving soon?” she asked as he pulled her close. The relief was instantaneous, like stepping into the cool freshness of an air-conditioned room after being outside on a hot day.  “Do you have time for this?”

“You were starving an hour ago,” he reminded her. “Plus, I’m hungry, too.” She shrugged and settled her back against his chest. He smiled behind her head at the tiny sigh that escaped her lips. At some point, they were going to have to have a longer conversation about this, but for now, he was satisfied just to be able to give her what she needed.

Chapter Text

The screen in the corner of the dressing room showed EXID dancing to their new song. There was no sound, but Soohee found herself mouthing the lyrics along with them. It was so damn catchy. Bangtan had just filed out the greenroom door on the way to the wings, so Soohee knew they’d be on-screen soon. She also knew that Big Bang was in the room next door, though she tried not to think about it too much. Because every time she did, her chest got tight and her palms got sweaty.

Instead, she curled into herself even more, trying to take up the least amount of space in the chaotic room. She was pretty sure she could fall asleep here in the corner of the couch if it weren’t for the adrenaline rushing through her bloodstream. The day had been ridiculous so far. After the short time spent Recharging at the dorm that morning, they hadn’t really stopped moving. Sejin had pulled her and Jimin aside soon after they arrived at the dance studio to lay down the ground rules.

“No touching in public,” he’d said firmly. “None. Don’t even stand near each other. Soohee, try to blend in with the coordi noonas. Even when you’re in the dressing room with only our people, you both need to be very careful. The coordinators have all signed non-disclosure agreements, but it only takes a whisper of gossip to start a rumor. Firing someone won’t undo the damage.” He’d eyed them seriously, and they’d both felt compelled to nod to show their understanding. “This is new enough that only senior staff knows. I would very much like to keep it that way for awhile. So for now, we’ll just tell them Soohee is a new assistant on the management team.”

“Yes, hyungnim,” Jimin said, bowing just a fraction. “We’ll be careful.”

“You walked over here together, didn’t you?” Sejin asked. Jimin had glanced around the studio at his members warming up before swallowing hard and nodding. “Don’t do that again. Your movements need to be separate or inside a vehicle from now on, understand?” 

Soohee had nodded along but wondered if they were taking this just a bit too seriously. Sejin seemed to read the thought in her expression.

“If the media found out right now, it could literally end Bangtan,” he said. His unblinking stare had sent a shiver down Soohee’s spine. “I know it seems intense, but it’s really that important. And I know you don’t want that.” Soohee shook her head emphatically. Sejin sighed and smiled wryly. “I don’t mean to scare you. I really do wish it were easier for you two. But if they found out, it wouldn’t just be bad for Bangtan , you understand? It’s about protecting you, too.”

Soohee had felt the impulse to roll her eyes, though she resisted. It was probably more about protecting their investment than protecting their investment’s soulmate. But she’d felt Jimin shudder next to her and had turned to see why. The look on his face confused her. His jaw tightened, along with his fists at his sides.

“Noona.” It was the first time he’d used the term, other than his teasing a few nights ago. His wide eyes and grim mouth told her this wasn't teasing. “You’re a fan. You’ve seen what happens to the girlfriends of idols. Or even just female friends. Hell, Hoseok’s sister gets hate mail every time they take a selca together. This is so much more complicated than girlfriend or sister. Do you have any idea what they’ll say about us? About you?”

Soohee shook her head, unsure of how to reply. But Sejin cut in before she had to come up with anything. “Neither do we, honestly. In the last twenty years or so, there’ve only been a handful of Korean celebrity soulmates that we know about, but none of them were idols and none were as young as you two. We honestly don’t know how the public would react. Which is why you two--”

“We’ll be careful, I promise,” Jimin had responded, gently bumping his shoulder into Soohee’s. She’d felt the familiar warmth there and had been mildly soothed, but she had plenty to think over and no time to do so.

“Right. A few more details...” Sejin smiled gently. In that moment, Soohee couldn’t help but trust him. He’d been sympathetic, but his kindness gave her permission to let go of the new information for the moment. “Since you will need skinship at some point, most of it’ll have to happen in the van while traveling between events. We’ll have to split into two vans. Or another member will have to ride with the coordi team.”

“I’ll do it!” Yoongi called as he passed them on his way to set his bag down near the water cooler. Jimin had raised an eyebrow. “They’ll leave me alone and let me sleep, unlike some people I know.” Yoongi dug a finger into Jimin’s ribs. Jimin’s involuntary giggle and attempts to wriggle away had made Soohee grin, finally removing the stiff atmosphere that had settled around them.

So far backstage, the staff had been very circumspect while they observed her. She knew they weren’t entirely fooled but were too professional to say anything. For their part, Soohee and Jimin had followed the rules to the letter, only sitting next to one another in the van and barely talking all day. The others had likewise ignored her, though Taehyung made faces at her whenever he thought no one was looking. She’d spent most of the day standing next to the other managers, trying not to look too wide-eyed or overwhelmed. Which was difficult, since Bangtan had used their morning to film a segment for a television show she’d grown up watching. Then they’d rushed across town to this studio, where they were currently filming Inkigayo . It was surreal.

Now, Soohee watched the coordis clean up the room and pack away their supplies. She thought noona was a perfect title for them, not only because it was respectful but because they acted just like Bangtan’s big sisters--she was really starting to see the BigHit family everyone kept talking about. These women, though professional and incredibly skilled (Soohee was tempted to beg for contouring lessons from one of them), had genuine affection for the boys. She’d seen the indulgent smiles on their faces when Seokjin and Hoseok had harassed a sleeping Jungkook and again when Taehyung started an impromptu dance party to Big Bang’s new songs. Now that the whirlwind that was Bangtan had swept out of the room, though, they all looked a little worn out. They’d had a long day, too.

Her own short night and early wake-up call from Jimin were catching up to her. She didn’t understand how they kept up this pace every day, usually on even less sleep. And she hadn’t had to actually do anything other than watch. As tired as she was, Soohee knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep now. Not here. Not while these women watched her out of the corners of their eyes and worked so hard. She felt guilty for sitting while they bustled around the room. She pushed herself out of the couch and her comfort zone, walking over to the nearest girl. She was crouched low to the floor, struggling with a stubborn clasp on a rolling case.

“Can I... help?” Soohee asked hesitantly. Meeting new people had always been a bit of a struggle for her, but she was tired of feeling so... other... in this room. The girl looked up in surprise.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to,” she said quickly. She seemed more intimidated by Soohee than the other way around, which was new for Soohee. Soohee smiled gently, squatted down, and pressed hard on the lid to reduce the resistance on the clasp. It swung right open. “Oh, thanks!”

“I’m Lee Soohee, by the way,” she said.

“Ga Yerim,” the girl responded. She blushed lightly. “I’m really new here. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to fix this.” Soohee tilted her head at the girl’s apology. Now that she looked closer, she realized the girl was several years younger than her, barely even an adult. “I’ll do better, sunbae.” Soohee couldn’t help the laugh that burst from her throat, startling Yerim. Soohee shook her head quickly.

“I’m not your sunbae,” she said, still chuckling. “Not even close. In fact… It’s basically my first day.” Her chuckle this time was at her own lame secret joke. The girl looked relieved. “Seriously, how can I help? I can't sit anymore.”

One of the other coordinators passed just as Soohee said this and asked, “Do you mean it?” Soohee looked up. “Because we’re short a girl today, and we’ve got to get out of here as soon as the members are off stage.”

“Absolutely,” Soohee said, straightening from her crouch next to the case. After quick instructions, she dove into the clean up efforts. She carefully folded the extra outfits into the wardrobe trunk, remembering the summers she’d worked in a women’s clothing store. After the first shirt, it was all muscle memory. Suddenly, she wasn’t so tired. After everything except the outfits the boys were currently wearing was put away, she helped Yerim pack up makeup and brushes and a million bottles of various beauty potions.

She worked just as silently as the other women, internally afraid she might drop something or make more work for them. Soohee knew she was only seeing a small glimpse of what it took to put the boys on stage, but she was already overwhelmed. Bangtan was made up of so much more than those seven members. As a fan, she'd mostly taken these people for granted.

On the screen, she saw the tail end of the I Need U choreography. She’d been impressed the first time she saw it, but now that she’d watched them practice it from the corner of their dance studio, she was amazed. It took a lot of work to look that effortless.

The first one back in the room was Jimin, panting and unable to stop his eyes from searching for her. He tilted his head in surprise when he found her wrestling a recalcitrant hairdryer into a plastic bin. Soohee smiled sheepishly and tried to ignore his stage outfit. His thighs in those shorts… She cleared her throat quickly and said, “I was just helping out.”

Before he could respond, the other members poured into the room behind him. Soohee joined Yerim in handing out towels for their sweaty faces.

“We’ll do touch ups when we get to the venue,” one of the senior coordis called. “We’re on the road in 10.”

“We’re not staying for the awards?” Soohee asked Jimin in an undertone, leaning close under the guise of straightening his collar.

“No, we're not nominated this time and we’ve got to be across the river in less than an hour,” he muttered back. “You doing okay? You don’t have to... work, you know.”

Soohee smiled, realizing she was enjoying herself. “Yeah, I’m good,” she said. “I like feeling useful, and these ladies are pretty cool.”

“Our coordis are the best,” Jimin said at full volume, winking saucily at the one in charge. The woman rolled her eyes but the corner of her mouth lifted anyway. “Narae-noona pretends that I annoy her, but I’m pretty sure I’m her favorite.” His loud stage whisper intentionally carried across the noisy room.

“Yah, imma ,” Narae chastised. Soohee stifled a giggle. “I don’t play favorites. Get your bag and stop causing trouble.” Something about the way Narae’s eyes flicked between Jimin and Soohee told them she knew something was up. Jimin just moved toward Narae with a nonchalant lift of his shoulder.

“Thank you, noona,” he simpered. She swatted at him and turned back to her task.

Because they were loading into vans right outside the studio with fans screaming at watching, Soohee was shunted toward the coordi van. Jimin watched from a few yards away and tried to get Sejin’s attention, but Soohee signaled him with a small smile and a shrug to go without her.

She climbed inside. Narae dropped in next to her with a determined look on her face. “So you’re Kim Sejin’s newest staffer?” she asked. Soohee nodded without hesitation and marveled at how easily she had slipped into this role (with Sejin and Jimin’s worries about her exposure ringing in her ears, she couldn’t do anything less). She wondered if this woman was senior enough to know the secret (she seemed like she was in charge of everyone backstage), but Soohee wasn't about to give it away by asking. Narae assessed her for a long moment. “Welcome to the team.” Apparently not.

“Thank you,” Soohee said. 

“We’re a pretty tight-knit group around here,” Narae continued. “Like a family. We all work hard, but we take good care of one another, too.” Her tone held a warning. “I’ve been with these boys since the beginning, and I’ve seen people come and go. The ones who don’t last long are the ones who don’t take this seriously and the ones who try to get too close to the boys. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Soohee got the distinct impression that she was being measured. But rather than feel annoyed by this woman’s presumption, she felt a surge of appreciation, knowing that Bangtan had such protective and loyal staff. Narae was a gatekeeper of the best variety and Soohee was determined to pass her test.

“This is the most serious thing I have ever done in my life,” Soohee answered, the words true despite their double meaning. “I want to give them whatever they need to be successful.”

Narae gave a small nod of approval. “Sejin’s an excellent judge of character. And if you’ve made it this far, you’re the right person for the job,” she said, her posture shifting to something more casual. “There are no... lazy days at BigHit, but jumping into this in the middle of a promotion cycle has to be overwhelming. You doing okay?” Soohee nodded, smiling gratefully at how easy that test turned out to be. “You’ll catch on fast, I’m sure. But the next few weeks are going to be a roller coaster for you. The pace is brutal, so sleep whenever you’re not on the clock. And don’t forget to eat -- we don’t need you passing out.”

Soohee nodded, feeling the irrational urge to giggle. Though, come to think of it, she was kind of low on Charge. She wondered when she and Jimin would have the free time and privacy for skinship. “I can’t keep the schedule straight yet. Where are we going after this?”

“They have a fansign,” Narae answered. “You’ve done TV with them, but the fan stuff is a whole other animal. Be prepared for controlled chaos and a lot of squealing. The volume on these girls.”

Soohee nodded, wondering what she was supposed to do at a fansign. From her own fan experience a week ago, the entire staff would be out in the room, corralling fans and gathering gifts. She supposed she’d jump in and help just like she’d done backstage. She was used to long hours and balancing a lot of moving parts, but this work was so different than the type she did in her own job. It was so much more physical, but it was also a lot more fun. She found herself dreading going into the office tomorrow, wishing she could just stay here with the other coordis and help out.

She shook her head at the thought. Where’d that come from? she wondered. I love my job. Well, okay, I don’t love my job, but I like it. Parts of it. I really like... having a paycheck. She couldn’t quite shake the feeling she was lying to herself. You only want to stay here because it’s new and exciting and glamorous. Anyone would be tempted by this life. You just don’t want to go to that budget meeting tomorrow. And that was the truth. Budget meetings were the worst. But that didn’t mean she didn’t like her job.

She looked up and found Narae watching her. She chuckled lightly. “Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts,” she said. “I knew before... before I came here that they were busy, but this schedule is kind of insane.”

“Promoting is always hectic, and this new album has taken everything up a notch -- I think that’s clear from the awards they’ve won. But honestly, this year has been kind of quiet compared to last year,” Narae replied. She opened a bag of snacks and offered it to Soohee, who waved it off as casually as she could by showing her own water bottle. “But it won’t stay like that. Not with the second half of  The Red Bullet coming up.”

“Right. Their first tour.” Soohee and Eunha has been so proud of them when it was announced. It was definitely a sign of their success that they were getting this opportunity so early in their contract. But she hadn’t thought about it in a while. She realized she didn’t even know where they were going or for how long. She hoped her questions didn’t give her away, but she suddenly had to know more. “I haven’t seen the full schedule yet. Do you know it?”

“The first show is in Malaysia in a few weeks, but the rest are in July and August because they need time for their next two MVs,” Narae said. Soohee blinked at her, jaw dropping open. Narae laughed. “They’re going to release another song from this album. And there are plans for a Japanese single. Then we’ll head to Sydney to really kick off the tour before we go to the states. Have you ever been to America?”

Soohee nearly choked on her sip of water. She'd forgotten they were going to America.  How could she forget that? She shook her head, unable to form words as the reality of their schedule finally hit home. She’d seen Jimin for an hour last night and it was barely enough to make it to morning. There was no way she could go an entire day, let alone weeks, without Recharging. What the hell was she going to do?

“Hey, are you okay?” Narae asked, peering at her closer. “They told you there'd be travel involved in this job, right?”

“Um, yeah,” she answered faintly. “Of course they did. It’s just a lot to take in. I’m fine. I’ll be okay.” She smiled as best she could, and Narae looked satisfied. Inside, she was unanchored and twisting in the wind. He can’t stay, so I’ll have to go with. But. I can’t just... invite myself on his tour, can I? I can’t afford tickets to America. Wait, this is crazy. The company would pay, right? It’ll be like... paying for groceries. They have to do that for Jiminie. Great, now I’m groceries . Excellent, Soohee. Great metaphor.

She didn’t get  much more time to think, though. The van pulled to a stop in the alley behind the venue and they were unloading before she could really gather her wits. Bangtan entered the holding room soon after, and Sejin came over to check in with her as she was digging through a cosmetics case for Jungkook's lip tint. He assessed the situation in one blink and directed Narae to show her the ropes for the rest of the day. Jimin eyed her cautiously as he got his face touched up. When he stood, he used the crowded room as an excuse to brush up against Soohee’s side for a lingering moment. The boost of warmth and energy was very nice but not nearly enough. It only served to remind her that she needed to Recharge. She supposed they’d make time in the car.

Jimin sat on the practice room floor with his back pressed against the cool mirror, watching Soohee leave with one of the managers. He was grateful she’d stayed through their vocal rehearsal and second dance practice, but he wished she’d just come back to the dorm with him. They still hadn’t had a chance to talk over how to handle the future. She’d been oddly quiet, even for her, throughout the evening. But it was late and she'd wanted to go home before work tomorrow.

Jimin sighed and got up to pack his things, ready to end this long day. And guiltily grateful he'd get to sleep in his own bed that night. Yoongi groaned as he pushed himself off the floor and announced, “I’ll see you all back home.” He walked to the door to his workroom.

“Yoongi, it’s past midnight,” Seokjin chided.

“I’m okay. I got like four naps today,” he said cheekily. “Thanks to Jimin.” Jimin shook his head and slugged him in the arm gently.

“Leave it to you to make the most out of me getting a soulmate.” Jimin rolled his eyes dramatically. Yoongi shrugged and pulled him into a headlock. They wrestled for a moment before the others told him they were leaving without him if he didn't leave right then.

As they stepped through the front door of the dorm, Jimin’s phone rang. He looked down at the screen, and his stomach clenched. He should have called his parents days ago to tell them about Soohee. With a deep breath, he tapped the screen and pulled the phone to his ear.

“Eomma,” Jimin said. He slipped down the hall to his room for some privacy. “Hi. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“Jiminie,” he mother said gleefully. “It’s so good to hear your voice. How are you? Are you eating well?”

Jimin smiled. It was always one of the first things she asked him. She didn’t like the way he dieted, but she was always careful to stay supportive and non-judgmental. But now the question prodded at everything he needed to tell her.

“Well, about that...” he began. It took a moment to convince her that everything was fine and to put the phone on speaker so he could talk to both his parents at the same time. But when she did, he laid it all out for them. It took another moment for him to convince them he was okay and that Soohee was a good person. But when he did, they were ecstatic.

His mother immediately asked when he was bringing Soohee home to meet them. He promised to figure something out. They had a fan eventin Busan next week, though they were headed to Daegu that same day so it would be a tight fit. But he proimised he would try. If she could get the time off work... His parent's joy was infectious and he found himself smiling and laughing more than he had all week. It wasn’t until he hung up with them that the smile slid slowly off his face. It took him a momnet to figure out what had him feeling so unsettled.

Bringing Soohee home? His stomach sank. She was so reserved and hesitant about, well, everything. What if she said no? What if she didn't like them? What if they didn’t like her? His parents were so excited for him, but this was such a huge thing. They’d been endlessly supportive of him his whole life, barely blinking when he’d hesitantly asked to go to a fine arts high school for dance and completely unfazed when he began talking about moving to Seoul to become an idol. But this was different. He was bringing home his soulmate. She would basically be their daughter-in-law, even if the two of them were never romantic.

He paused in his pacing. Why wouldn’t they  be romantic?  He sighed. It hadn't been very long since they met, but so far, she’d seemed entirely uninterested in him in that way. Sure, she blushed furiously when they touched, but she did the same thing when Taehyung had asked her about her favorite song or when Namjoon had thanked her for handing him a towel backstage tonight.

She didn’t seem to even like him all that much, tensing at his touch and working so desperately to get back to her job and her house and her life. To get away from him. He began pacing again. Even in his agitated state, he had to admit that she didn’t despise him. But hadn’t she been a fan? Why wasn’t she more excited about this?

He knew he was probably being unfair. She’d been at death’s door when he’d met her less than a week ago. But his exhausted thoughts refused to be pulled back, now that they’d started to this path. Everyone was thrilled: his parents, the other members, even Sejin and Bang Sihyuk had congratulated him sincerely.

But... Soohee.

A sick feeling twisted in his stomach. I’m probably not even her bias , he thought darkly. He kicked the leg of the bunk bed as he passed in his pacing, feeling himself drop deeper into this sudden sullen mood. I bet she’s disappointed that she ended up with me , the baby-faced one who isn’t lead vocal or lead dancer or lead anything. It made a lot of sense, actually, though it stung. He mentally ran through the faces of his brothers, wondering which one she would have chosen if she’d been given the choice.

Hoseok tapped lightly on the door before poking his head inside. He opened it wider when he saw Jimin was off the phone, but his face creased when he took in the tension in the room. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine, hyung,” Jimin responded, trying to fit a smile to his rigid face.

“You sure?” Hoseok asked. “Your parents alright?”

“They’re great,” Jimin said, his voice lightening for real when he thought of them again. God, he missed them. Whether Soohee came with him or not, he was excited to visit Busan soon. Hoseok grabbed his pajamas out of the closet and watched Jimin carefully for another few seconds.

“Jungkook and I are going to game for a bit before bed,” Hoseok said, stripping off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. “Wanna join us?” Hoseok stood there bare-chested for a moment as he separated the two items of clothing for the laundry.  The sight of Hoseok’s muscular torso and ripped abdominals made Jimin think sadly of his own forlorn abs, deepening his sour mood.

He tried not to be jealous of his hyung.  Hoseok just seemed to be able to hold on to the muscle definition better than anyone in the dorm. Jungkook was the one who bulked up the fastest, but a lot of that had to do with the kid practically living at the gym. Namjoon, who never felt the need to show off any of his body, built muscle the easiest but usually lacked definition because he didn’t really care to pursue it. But Hoseok. He was just always chiseled, and right now Jimin felt like it was a personal insult. Jimin should probably hit the gym instead of gaming and said as much.

“Didn’t you go this morning?”

“So?”

Hoseok rolled his eyes teasingly as he tugged a tank top over his head. With one last questioning look, Hoseok slipped out of the room. Jimin didn’t want to be mad at him. He just wanted to feel good about himself. Despite the late hour, he dug his gym bag out of the closet. He just needed a little boost.

He opened Twitter on his phone to post a pouty selca before heading out, in the hopes that it would get him some much needed attention. Even if Soohee didn’t bias him, there were plenty of others out there who did.

The first thing he saw were several tweets in English directed at Bangtan’s account. He couldn’t decipher a lot of the words, but he could pick out his own name without trouble. Apparently, people were already talking about him tonight. He grinned and looked for something in Korean, not trusting the app’s built-in translator -- the last time he’d used it, it’d given him nonsensical gibberish about caterpillars, microphones, and… debauchery? He still wasn’t sure, but Namjoon had assured him the fans had meant to send him a message about birthday cake.  

But when he finally found one he could read, it had photos attached and it... wasn’t kind. He’d never seen the photos before, but he knew exactly where and when they were taken. The pool in Kota Kinabalu last week. One was of his bare, ab-less belly (in his estimation, looking a little bloated and saggy), and the other was Hoseok, falling back into the pool, his shirt hem clutched in his teeth and showing off his perfectly formed chocolate abs.

But the worst part wasn’t Jimin's body in that state or even the comparison of the two of them -- he’d just been doing that himself. No, it was the caption: “I guess Jimin’s abs don’t like him anymore. They left him and ran away to J-Hope.”

Jimin sat heavily on Taehyung’s bed. He wanted to vomit. He lifted his shirt and looked at his stomach. He poked it experimentally and tried to rationalize that it was still firm and muscled and just lacked definition. But he didn’t believe it. He’d let himself go. A small voice inside his head said it was only one comment, on the Internet, on Twitter (the chosen haven of celebrity bashers). He should close the app and walk away. But he couldn’t keep his thumb from scrolling to see more.

He sank deeper and deeper into the mattress as the words assaulted his eyes. So many expressed disappointment, frustration, and even annoyance. He felt ridiculous when his sinuses began to prickle and his eyes burned with tears. He sniffed hard and pulled his lips tight but didn’t stop scrolling. Even the gentler comments, the ones saying they liked his “squishy tummy,” scraped at his heart. He didn’t want to be squishy . He’d been soft and squishy and chubby his entire life.

He heard Taehyung tromp noisily down the hall and blinked hard to dispel the moisture in his eyes. He could already hear Taehyung’s voice chastising him for reading anything about himself on the Internet (he knew better) and reminding him that his health is more important than his jawline. Jimin rolled over, curling his knees to his chest and putting his back to the room. He didn’t want that tonight. It wouldn’t help, because no matter what Taehyung said or how much he loved him, Jimin knew the fans were right. Whatever kindness Taehyung had for him, it would never be enough. Jimin would never be enough.

Chapter Text

Soohee made her way back to her desk, her chest tight and her head light. Her skin prickled with what was finally making sense as hunger. Or whatever I’m supposed to called it now. If eating turns into Recharging, then is this feeling a low battery alert? She chuckled over the random thought. Whatever it was called, it was nearly overwhelming. Why am I so starved? We spent the whole day together.

But as she sank into her desk chair, she wondered if that was really accurate. They’d managed to squeeze in some awkward side-snuggles in the van back from the fan event and a little bit more during vocal rehearsal (they were getting better at their Vocal Practice Pose -- Jimin hardly ever kicked her these days), but otherwise, they’d only been able to catch a handful of minutes between activities. It was like they’d snacked all day but skipped actual meals.

She rested her head on her desk for a second, groaning internally at her stupidity. She should have stayed the night on the couch again, but she was being stubborn. It was too much too fast. She was falling into Jimin’s world like she didn’t have a life of her own. But what she was quickly and terrifyingly coming to realize is that she really didn’t have a life of her own. She had Eunha, a room in an empty and lonely house, and a job she was now willing to admit she only moderately liked. But she’d hidden behind the excuse that she didn’t have any more work clothes at the dorm and retreated home where nothing could drown out the silence.

Desperate to avoid the restless loneliness of the previous night (but with more than a little bit of self-conscious shame), she’d put on a playlist of Bangtan’s video logs and set her phone facedown on her nightstand, letting their voices ebb and flow around her. It was better than a sleeping pill. She’d woken up Namjoon rambling in English, comforted but already hungry. And already late for work, so she couldn’t stop by the dorm on her way for a top off. She wondered if she would get scolded for taking the bus by herself.

The second she’d walked into the office, she’d been pulled into the first of a million pointless meetings where she was expected to take the official minutes because she was the only woman in the room and it was apparently a widely held belief that men are physically incapable of operating a ballpoint pen.

She lifted her head from her desk and came away with a post-it note stuck to her forehead. Scowling, she crumpled it up without looking at what it said and tossed it toward the stack of binders on the end of her desk. Her supervisor would probably disapprove of her leaving in the middle of the day, but she needed to Recharge soon or she was going to get too grumpy and shaky to be useful here. She tapped out a quick text to Jimin.

[May 18, 15:12]

Where are you at in your schedule for the day? Do you have a break coming up?

She fidgeted for a moment before sighing and fishing the crumpled note out of the detritus of her desk. She smoothed it open and, seeing it was actually very important, reaffixed it to the report in front of her.

[May 18, 15:15]

We’re in Jeonju for the afternoon. Why? Do you need to Recharge?

Her hopes sank. That was over two hours away. She typed out a response, already feeling the lie acutely.

[May 18, 15:16]

No, I’m fine.

[May 18, 15:16]

Are you really fine?

[May 18, 15:16]

Fine enough… When will you be back in town?

[May 18, 15:17]

Around 8. Do you need me to send someone to come get you?

[May 18, 15:17]

Too much work to get done. Thank you, though.

She could survive. She’d be fine. She'd survived worse in the days before finding him. She just needed a distraction. Or a nap. She laid her head back down on her desk for another moment, trying to work up the strength to continue her day (but not before making sure the report and crumpled post-it were far from her face).

“Gee Soojin,” a voice said from above her. She lifted her head, her face flushed with embarrassment. But not from being caught in an awkward pose. From being called the wrong name for the fifth time that day.

“It’s Lee Soohee, sunbaenim,” she said automatically, having mastered a deferential tone which corrected without chastising. “What can I do for you?”

Her supervisor’s boss ignored the correction as he always did, plunked a large file down on her desk and explained what he needed from her, which was complex, tedious, and possibly illegal if she wasn’t very, very careful. Soohee took detailed notes and sighed when he walked away.

“Oh, and Seo Sunlee,” he called over his shoulder as he walked away. “I need it by five.” Soohee sighed.

“Yes, sunbaenim,” she answered, trying to keep her annoyance out of her voice. “I’ll have it ready in time.” There was no point in correcting him a second time. Sometimes she wondered if it was intentional. But she didn’t have the energy or inclination to psychoanalyze her superiors today. Instead, she opened the file and began to work.

Hours later, her skin crawled with hunger, as if there was a low-level static charge over the surface of her body. It made her think of the days after First Touch when she was so hungry that her empty stomach felt like it was trying to digest itself. Her phone buzzed against the surface of her desk, jolting her out of her concentration.

[May 18, 18:02]

We’re going to be a little later than we planned. Are you still doing okay?

Soohee sighed. Even if she weren’t, what were they going to do about it? She decided to avoid his question.

[May 18, 18:03]

What time should I meet you at the dorm?

She didn’t like lying to him and wasn’t all that good at it anyway. It'd been a long time since she'd had someone other than Eunha look at her hard enough to spot a lie and a long time since she’d had the desire to tell Eunha anything but the truth (the Weekend of Starvation notwithstanding). But Jimin had some kind of supernatural laser focus or something. He was a human lie detector and Soohee kind of hated it.

[May 18, 18:10]

The managers say no later than 8:30.

[May 18, 18:11]

How’s your day going?

It was a simple question. Perfunctory, even. But its thoughtfulness surprised Soohee. It also forced her to take stock of the day, and the balance was tipping toward... awful.

[May 18, 18:11]

It’s been really busy.

Yours?

What are you guys doing in Jeonju?

His reply wasn’t instantaneous, so she set the phone to the side and assessed her desk. After dropping everything to complete that project, she’d returned to find five new report requests and a pile of data to enter. Everyone else had gone home, but only after sliding their unfinished projects into her inbox. She wanted to cry. It was irrational. She never got emotional at work. She rarely got emotional at all. She was sure it was mostly the hunger getting to her. The entire floor was quiet and many of the overhead lights had been shut off for the day. She was reminded suddenly of her parent’s house.

[May 18, 18:27]

We’re at another fan event.

It’s been a really good day. ARMY is awesome and brought lots of gifts. At one point, Hoseok-hyung was wearing seven sets of cat ears and a flower headband.

Soohee couldn’t help but smile at the mental image. She couldn’t help but snort laugh when an actual image came in next. It was so much better than she’d imagined. She missed them. She wished she was there helping them instead of being trapped under this pile of never-ending, thankless work.

This will all be better tomorrow , she coached herself weakly. When you’re not so hungry, you’ll be able to focus . She sat quietly for a moment, not believing her own encouragement. But what happens the next time I skip a Recharge? And he’s in another town or on television?

Or on tour.

She hadn’t let herself think much more about the tour. She couldn’t, really. It was just too overwhelming. But now it was all she could think about. How in the world were they going to make that work? She didn’t even know how long they’d be gone--what if she didn’t have enough vacation time? A quick Naver search later had her gasping for breath. A month? She clicked around until she found a few fansites that listed out Bangtan’s known schedule for the summer. The number of events outside of Korea floored her.

She was going to have to quit her job.

It was the only answer.

But that’s insane. What, quit my job and trail after Bangtan like some kind of groupie? She snorted. What kind of life is that? Being literal groceries for a pop star?

But after only thirty seconds of adjustment, the thought didn’t bother her nearly as much as it should have. Something about this felt... right. She remembered that scared and sacred moment in that tiny chapel in the wee hours of the morning. She remembered the strange and circuitous path she’d stumbled from Eunha’s house to the sidewalk in front of the BigHit offices. She thought of the comfortable way she, an introverted only child, fit nearly seamlessly with a rowdy group of boys.

Something had led her here, had set her life on a crash course with Jimin’s. She could fight it, spend her time kicking and screaming at God or the universe or fate or whatever made it happen. Or she could give herself permission to do the most terrifying and exhilarating thing she had ever contemplated: start over.

And that began with letting go of this job. Maybe she should feel sad, burdened by the idea of what she had to give up for Jimin. Instead, she felt lighter, freer. Because this wasn’t just for Jimin. She hadn’t been happy for a long time. And now she could escape. She laughed out loud, nearly cackling into the empty office. She glanced at the report with the crumpled sticky note and grinned manically. None of this would be her problem anymore. If she was just brave enough to quit.

She was pretty sure she was.

It didn’t take more than another minute of sitting at her desk giggling to realize she had no reason to stay late, other than to kill time waiting for the boys to get back. She could go home. And for the first time in her life, home wasn’t the house she grew up in.

She made it to the dorms faster than she expected. Without really thinking about it, she slipped in through the maintenance door in the alley and took the freight elevator as if it were second nature. They wouldn’t be home yet, so she scanned the hall before punching in the code. She dumped her duffle full of fresh clothes in the hall closet and changed into house slippers. Her house slippers

She’d never heard the dorm this quiet. Even when she’d woken before any of the others, there had still been the soft swish of Jimin’s breathing and the gentle thrum of his heartbeat under her ear. Not to mention the muted snores of Namjoon coming from down the hallway. And she’d never had a chance to really look around, too occupied with healing and Recharging to do more than take it all in from the couch. But now she stood in the center of the living room and spun slowly, drinking in every detail.

It was a decent-sized apartment, though with seven boys it felt pretty full. Each of them had left their mark on the dorm. A framed photo on the wall practically screamed Yoongi’s name, and Soohee wouldn’t be surprised if he took it himself. A tiny, somewhat rickety bookshelf was filled to the hilt with a strange mix of philosophy books, graphic novels, and cook books. There was, of course, the television and the requisite organized chaos of video game consoles and disc cases. A larger bookshelf held very few books and a whole lot of what Soohee assumed must be very important items but just kind of looked like crap to her. Overall, it looked like a classier version of an American frat house, if Soohee’s international entertainment education was to be trusted.

The irreality of being in their space had faded away for large chunks of time. She supposed her brain just couldn’t hold on to that level of intensity for too long. But at least once a day, a wave of it crashed over her head and threatened to drown her. She’d just spent nearly week with these boys whom she’d watched dance and sing and rap on stages across Korea. These boys who were beginning to be heralded as one of the top groups in the industry. These boys she and Eunha had drooled over and sort of ogled and possibly accidentally objectified -- an idea that was becoming uncomfortably clearer as she came to know them as people and not just celebrities.

She shook her head to free herself from these mortifying thoughts. The dizziness of going so long without Recharging was beginning to encroach on her ability to stand, so she tucked her body into the crook of the couch. She’d intended to pull out her phone and play a game or something to pass the time, but her eyes drifted shut as soon as her head touched the back cushion.

She woke in utter confusion at the clatter of feet and a harsh shushing noise. She scrunched up her face against the sounds and felt a blanket being pulled up on her shoulders. Fingertips brushed her upper arm and the resulting buzz of energy told her it was Jimin. Her eyes flew open.

“Hi,” she mumbled. She lifted her head and watched the other boys trying mostly unsuccessfully to get through the room quietly. Taehyung smiled gently and lifted a hand in greeting before slipping into the hallway. “Sorry. I must have dozed off.”

“How long have you been here?” Jimin leaned close to hear her. Soohee thought he looked as exhausted as she felt, his face drawn and pale.

“Um?” Soohee stretched and blinked hard. “Since about eight? What time is it now?” The feeling of disorientation stayed with her as she sat up and the room spun. She groaned and held her head with one hand.

“Almost nine-thirty. Traffic was awful.” Jimin perched on the couch next to her. “There was an accident that closed several lanes. Sorry. Are you doing okay?”

Soohee opened her mouth to tell him she was fine, but his look challenged her. She sighed. “No.” She grimaced. “I don’t think we Recharged enough yesterday.” Without hesitation, Jimin scooted closer, pulling her into his arms. She tensed on instinct, but went willingly after only a second of hesitation. The relief was instantaneous. “It was... a rough day.”

Jimin let out a sharp breath and resituated them to maximize skinship and still look her in the eye. “Noona, what are we going to do? We can’t have you in some kind of starvation crisis every other day.” He looked genuinely concerned, but his tone held no judgement. She tried not to be surprised by it, since he’d been nothing but good to her since the beginning, but it was still such a novel thing for her to experience from anyone.

“I know,” she said. “I, uh, actually have a plan. Kind of.” He raised his eyebrow just a fraction. It left her with the impression that he wasn’t going to like her plan. She felt a little embarrassed now that she was in front of him. What had felt so right in the office an hour ago now felt... desperately clingy. It just seemed like a lot to tell him she was going to upend her whole life for him after knowing him only a week. But it i s the right path, she reminded herself. It's the only path.

She steeled herself and blurted, “I’m going to quit my job.” Jimin blinked at her. She held her breath.

“Oh, thank god.” Jimin sighed.

“Yeah?” she asked. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but this wasn’t it.

“Yeah.” Jimin grinned sheepishly. “I thought you were going to suggest something that would somehow end up with you working more hours.” She furrowed her brow. “I don’t know what your schedule is usually like, but this week has been kind of insane.”

Soohee laughed wryly. “ My schedule has been insane, Mr. Pop Star?” she asked incredulously. Jimin laughed. “Anyway, that’s actually what got me thinking about it. You can’t just... stop being in Bangtan. I wouldn’t want you to even if you could. But we can’t keep going like this, either. And it’s only going to get worse as the summer goes on.”

“Can you really do that, though?” he asked. “I mean, what are you going to do for money? You’re not going to starve obviously, but...”

“I have no idea.” Soohee shrugged. “I have some savings. But none of that really matters, you know? We’ll figure it out. If you’re starting to reject food, then you can’t afford for me to have a job. Keeping you healthy is the top priority.”

Jimin frowned at her, cocking his head. “Keeping us healthy is the priority.” Soohee frowned back at him, not catching the distinction. Jimin sighed. “We should probably run this by Sejin or Hobeom. They can help us figure out the details. I swear they and the boss have a contingency plan for everything.”

Soohee nodded amicably, satisfied by his positive reaction and the warm sensation floating between their bodies. She settled in a little closer and didn’t realize her eyes had closed until she felt Jimin’s chest rumble with a chuckle and his hands pull a blanket over both of them as he laid them back on the couch.

“‘M sorry,” she mumbled. “One of these days, I’ll stay conscious while we Recharge.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jimin said around a yawn. It made her smile against his chest. “Get some rest. We’ll figure it all out tomorrow.”

A while later, Jimin’s neck began to cramp from the position he’d been dozing in. His limbs were antsy after being cooped up in the car for so long that evening. He needed to move. But Soohee needed him. He sighed and checked the time. She’d probably Recharged for long enough not to miss him, at least for a little while. He slowly lifted her sleeping form, slid out from under her, and laid her on the couch with a pillow under her head.

In the past week, he’d learned that she slept deeper than Taehyung but lighter than Jungkook. Jimin had years of practice relocating both boys without waking either them, which was saying something considering Jungkook's size these days. He bent his neck to the side to alleviate the cramp and watched Soohee for a moment, wondering if his attempt had been successful. She sighed and rolled over slightly, burying her face in the crook of her arm. He smiled and stretched more fully, his arms reaching high above his head before landing with a small thump against his abdomen.

He frowned and looked down. He lifted his shirt a little. Poked his belly with a forefinger. Sighed. Inside his head, he heard the comments of the fans at the event that afternoon. He hadn’t exactly lied to Soohee when he’d texted that it’d been a good day. Most of the fans had been supportive and loving and a little shrill and kind of flaily in their enthusiasm, just like normal. And he loved getting to meet them. But others had mentioned the pool photos. Had asked where his abs had gone. Had made it clear he was disappointing them. More than one made comments about changing biases since he didn't have his muscles.

He cringed before gritting his teeth and grabbing his gym bag. He couldn’t let them down. He made sure Soohee’s phone on the coffee table was on silent, then sent her a quick message in case she woke up and wondered where he’d disappeared to. He should have gone straight to the gym last night, the minute he found the photos.

Instead, Taehyung had come in and simply climbed under the covers beside him and passed out. Jimin, trapped between him and the wall and quickly lulled by his friend’s warmth and even breathing, had little choice but to follow him to dreamland. Besides, Taehyung’s insomnia was bad enough without him being woken up by Jimin clambering out of the bunk. Or at least, that’s what Jimin had told himself to justify his complete and utter avoidance of the problem.

But now was the time for action, so he left the quiet dorm and headed down the dark street. The Malaysia concert was only a few weeks away. If he didn’t flash perfectly chiseled abdominal muscles during No More Dream , he wasn’t sure he could live with himself or the resulting backlash online. How had he let this get so out of hand? There was a sick part of his hair-trigger temper itching to blame Soohee or at the very least this soulmate business. But he knew it had begun weeks before that, when the promotions for I Need U began and he’d let himself get away with all kinds of excuses about being too tired and promising himself he’d hit it extra hard the next day.

Normally, he’d start this familiar process by drastically cutting calories and shackling himself to a weight bench. But now that he was Bonded, he wasn’t sure how to manage the diet side of things. As he let himself into the quiet company gym, he pondered what the doctor had said about Recharging energy being perfect nutrition. Something about ending up with the ideal body and health. Jimin hoped it would kick in soon. As much as he might miss food eventually, he relished the idea of always being in shape without nearly the same level of monitoring and scrimping.

He filled his water bottle at the fountain. Since none of the trainees were around at this hour, he stripped to the waist and began a series of warm up stretches. He eyed his belly in the wall of mirrors across from him as he bent and twisted. It was time to give up food entirely, even if his body hadn’t finished rejecting it yet. He sucked in and clenched all his muscles, barely seeing a hint of the lines that he needed to appear effortless. He hadn’t eaten anything substantial since that mul naengmyeon two days ago anyway.

After a short jog on the treadmill, he felt limber and warmed up. He dropped to the mats in the corner of the room and launched his body into a series of rapid fire crunches. After fifty reps, he flipped over and started on push ups. As he ran through his normal intervals, his mind slid into a blissfully blank state. It was almost zen. Unlike the last time he found himself alone at an ungodly hour at the gym, he wasn’t consumed by worry for the future. Soohee was nearly a mystery to him, and he had no idea how they were going to make this soulmate thing work, but he was pretty sure the conflict between her job and his schedule was the worst of it. They could figure out the rest later.

The priority, now that Soohee was healthy and had some semblance of a plan to keep them both that way, was for Jimin to be the best version of himself for Bangtan. This comeback was changing things for them. He could feel it in his bones and under his skin, that they were teetering on the edge of something new. He refused to fuck this up for them by being anything less than everything everyone expected him to be.

If that meant living in the gym until they got on a plane, he’d do it. For them. And for myself, too , he thought, curling up to his knees and arching back down to the floor with practiced precision. He wanted this just as badly as any of them. When he’d first started down this path, it had been the dancing that’d compelled him. He’d enjoyed singing, but it had been secondary at first. Now, though, he wasn’t sure what he would do if he were forced to pick between the two. And getting to be on stage, sharing their stories with people who wanted to hear them? It was a heady thing. He paused in thought for a fraction of a second in his crunch before continuing on. He was pretty sure the only better feeling he’d ever encountered was soulmate skinship.

When he got back to the dorm, muscles aching with accomplishment and hair damp from his lightning-fast shower, Soohee was still fast asleep on the couch. The house was quiet. It was only a little after midnight, and he knew all the others were home, since he’d walked by the dark studio and practice room on his way out of the BigHit building. On a typical night, after the kind of day they’d had, most of them would be in the living room blowing off steam with some kind of video game tournament. Even Seokjin and Yoongi might have joined in or looked on from across the room over the screens of their laptops. Instead, they all seemed to be squirreled away in their rooms allowing Soohee to rest peacefully.

It was very kind of them, but Jimin wondered again how this was all going to work. She couldn’t just keep sleeping on the couch every night, could she? He thought back to the conversation he’d had with Jungkook on the plane to Malaysia. Now that Soohee was quitting her job, was she going to move in with them? And if not, should he at least... move them to his room and his bed? That seemed way too forward for how little they knew each other and even more so considering how hesitant Soohee was about the whole process. But he was getting tired of the lumpy cushions and his brothers needed to be able to use their living room.

He supposed it would be just as awkward for Taehyung and Hoseok to have her in their bedroom. Especially since neither of them slept in much clothing during the summer. If Jimin was being honest, he also missed sleeping in his regular pajamas, which usually consisted of just cotton bottoms or basketball shorts. He’d never liked the way sleeves felt on his arms and preferred to be bare-chested most of the time. While it would speed up the Recharging process, he was pretty sure Soohee would be uncomfortable with that level of exposure.

Jimin grinned suddenly, remembering Thursday morning when Hoseok had walked out of the hallway rubbing the sleep from his face in only his boxers. Luckily, Soohee’s head had been turned. Jimin’d locked eyes with his hyung over the top of her head and Hoseok had disappeared back to their room with a muffled squeak. It was a close call. Jimin still wasn’t sure who would have been more embarrassed if it’d gone the other way. Soohee, probably. Hoseok had never been terribly self-conscious about his body, even in front of women.

Soohee wriggled in her sleep, pulling her arm away from her face. Her expression was mildly pained. Jimin glanced at the time and felt instantly contrite, realizing he’d left her for longer than he'd intended and spent the last several minutes just standing next to the couch.

“Hey,” he whispered, gently prodding her arm. She furrowed her brow grumpily but didn’t rouse. Jimin smiled, remembering her comment about waking angry, and thought better of his plan. With careful movements, he managed to slip between her and the back of the couch, wrapping his arms around her gently and wondering for the millionth time if he was crossing any lines.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Soohee left for work with a brighter smile than Jimin had ever seen her wear. It was actually kind of stunning in its brilliance. The other boys watched her, slightly dumbfounded, when she actually giggled as she bid them goodbye.

“What’s up with her?” Namjoon asked once the door had clicked closed behind her. The other boys looked up from their breakfast expectantly.

“I’m not sure,” Jimin responded, leaning against the door frame. They’d spent the night on the couch like always and both had woken Recharged but a little stiff. That couch was not built for more than the occasional nap and his bones were beginning to hate him for how much time he spent there. And she had indeed woken up grumpy, though it had cleared quickly once they’d started talking about the day. Jimin rolled his eyes at his forgetfulness. “Oh, right. She’s quitting her job today.”

The other boys stared at him. “What?” Seokjin asked, his head tilted at a funny angle, like a puppy given a command it didn’t understand.

“She’s… quitting her job,” Jimin repeated, unsure why they looked so surprised. Well, all but Jungkook, who seemed to be too busy sneaking food off of Seokjin’s plate to pay any of them much attention.

“Why?” Hoseok asked. Jimin blinked at him.

“Because we figured it might be difficult to coordinate time to Recharge when she works all the way downtown and we’re in, you know, Mexico .”

Jungkook snorted, rolling his eyes at what he apparently found to be an obvious solution.

“Oh,” Namjoon said slowly. Everyone else nodded, finally catching on. “That’s… a big thing she’s doing for you. For all of us, really.”

Jimin furrowed his brow. “How is it big for the rest of you?” Namjoon sighed as if Jimin were the one missing the obvious here.

“It’s a lot easier for Bangtan if we can keep our schedule and have all of our members present,” Namjoon said. Jimin had no idea what he was talking about.

“We weren’t sure how to work out the tour,” Yoongi piped in, sensing his confusion. “We thought we might have to rearrange the dates or fly you or her back and forth. This is definitely the easiest solution, but it’s not like we entirely expected her to uproot her life for us.”

“You weren’t going to change the tour for this,” Jimin spluttered. It just wasn’t possible.

“We might have,” Namjoon said with a shrug. “We were still working through the options. Management's trying to prepare for anything.”

“Jimin?” Yoongi asked suddenly, peering at him. “We told you before you ever found her that we’d figure it out and make it work. This is part of that.”

“Yeah, but…” Jimin looked around the table at his brothers for some kind of help, for someone to tell his hyungs they were being crazy.

“ But nothing,” Yoongi answered. “We’ve said it a million times this week, but in case you missed it: Soohee is part of the family now . We’ve got to think about her best interests, too. Is it really okay for her to quit her job like this?”

“She looked pretty pleased to me,” Taehyung offered. He turned to Jimin, eyes dancing. “She has a really pretty smile, Jimin. Might even be better than Hobi’s.”

“Yah,” Hoseok said mildly. “She’s cute, but no one will ever beat my smile.” He flashed it at them in demonstration and all the maknaes dutifully cried out and squinted away as if hit by direct sunlight. Hoseok nodded, satisfied, and returned to his breakfast.

“Seriously, though,” Namjoon said, pulling Jimin back on topic. “She’s cool with this?”

“It was her idea,” Jimin replied. “And she did seem really happy about it. Which is kind of weird, come to think of it, since she told me a few days ago she loves her job.” He shrugged at his hyungs. “I really do not understand girls.”

“Hello?” Eunha’s voice sounded muffled and sleepy, even through the cellphone speakers and over the shrieks and squeals of the kids playing near Soohee in the park.

“Oh sorry, unnie, did I… wake you?” Soohee said, pulling her phone away from her ear to check the time. It was a little after nine in the morning. Not that early.

“Yeah. I had the closing shift last night. And it was Hyekyo’s birthday, so we went out for drinks,” Eunha said, her tone perking up the longer she talked. “But I need to be up soon anyway. What’s up?”

“I just quit my job.”

“What?” Eunha screeched. “If this is a ploy to get me to wake up, I’m really awake. You don’t need to--”

“No, I... actually quit my job,” Soohee said. A laugh bubbled out of her chest and she allowed it, feeling lighter than she had in ages. “It’s the only thing that makes sense with the tour coming up.”

“Oh,” Eunha said. “Ohhhhh, shit. Yeah. That’s-- That’s, god you have to go with him. Geez.”

“Right?” Soohee felt better now that both Eunha and Jimin had understood before she'd even really explained. She wasn’t being crazy.

“That’s crazy,” Eunha breathed. Well, maybe she was… “You’re going on tour with Bangtan? You’re going to America ?”

“It’s all a little overwhelming right now, but yeah, that’s kind of the deal,” Soohee said wryly. “We’ve got to talk to the managers and... I don’t know how it’s all going to work, but I have some savings and if I have to pay my own way I can and even if they do pay for it, I can always get another job when we come back in August and things calm down, not that things ever really--”

“How was it? Quitting your job?” Eunha broke in, knowing how and when to stop Soohee’s nervous verbal spirals. “Wait, why are you calling in the middle of the day? Did you, like, cause a scene and storm out?”

Soohee laughed at her scandalized tone. As if either of them were that irresponsible -- rule followers to the core. But they’d both idly dreamed about it from time to time when their bosses were obnoxious. “No, I didn’t storm out. Actually, it was kind of weird.”

“Weird?”

“No one… really cared?” Soohee scrunched her face while she searched for the right words. Her free hand picked idly at the peeling paint of the park bench under her. “My boss was a little surprised, but he said I could go right then. He didn’t seem to think my projects were important enough for me to train my replacement.”

“Ugh, I hate him. This was Mr. Big Nose, right?”

“No, it was Bald Guy.”

“Oh, I hate him even more,” Eunha said crisply. Soohee loved her friend’s protectiveness. “So he kicked you out? Like he was angry?”

“No, he wasn’t even concerned. And then one of my coworkers saw me packing up and thought I’d been fired and it was just all really weird and I don’t think I’m going to miss any of them one bit.”  She looked at the forlorn cardboard box of her things, sitting on the bench beside her. Two years summed up in one half-filled box. No, she wouldn’t miss them.

“Nah. Good riddance to everyone in that whole strange place. They were always so Stepford-ish.”

“Stepford?”

“Oh, sorry. It’s this creepy American film about a neighborhood of… robot wives? I don’t know. Forget I said anything,” Eunha said. Soohee’s interest was piqued, but she allowed Eunha to move on. “So what are you going to do with all your free time today?”

“I don’t actually know.” Soohee let her eyes drift lazily over the park. Most children were in school and most adults were at work, so only a few people milled around. “I came to the park across from my office with my sketchbook, but I’m kind of not feeling it.” She glanced down at the half-formed picture of two women pushing baby strollers.

“Soohee?” Eunha asked cautiously. “What’s that tone? Is the office thing actually bugging you? It’s okay to be annoyed. You spent two years of your life there.”

“No, it’s not that,” Soohee answered, running her fingertips curiously over the skin of her forearm. “I mean, that’s lame and kind of awful, but… It’s whatever, you know? Good riddance, like you said.”

“So…?”

“There was this woman here in the park a little while ago.” Soohee wondered why it still bothered her so much. “She dropped her baby’s blanket, so I picked it up to give it back to her and she… touched my arm.” Eunha stayed quiet on the other end. Soohee knew she wasn’t making a lot of sense. “It’s just. It felt… funny.”

“Like it was inappropriate?” Eunha asked.

“No! Nothing like that,” Soohee said in a rush. “No, I mean, it literally felt odd. I guess I haven’t touched anyone since I started Recharging with Jimin. It was like... God, I don’t even know how to phrase it. It was like her hand was… lifeless.”

“Lifeless?”

“Touching Jimin is incredi--” Soohee cut herself off, a blush creeping up her neck at the awe in her voice. She could hear Eunha trying to cover up a giggle. Soohee cleared her throat and brought them back on track with, “ Soulmate skinship is incredible. Just different from anything and everything you’ve ever felt before. Electric.” Soohee’s skin crawled a little with the memory of the woman’s hand on her upper arm. Though it had been a normal body temperature, the woman's skin had felt so cold after the delicious burn of Jimin’s touch. “Everything else just pales in comparison.”

“Interesting,” Eunha said. Soohee knew her friend was struggling just as hard as she was to find the words. “No one really talks about that.”

Soohee’s fingers froze in their path across her own skin. “Maybe this is why…”

“Why what?”

“My mother always used to tell me my hands were too cold,” Soohee said, more to herself than to Eunha. “And my father said once they were gross, even though I’d just washed them. I always wondered what was wrong with me, but maybe…”

“Oh, Soohee,” Eunha breathed.

“Oh, don’t sound like that,” Soohee said quickly. “I hate when you pity me. They’re not the best parents and I’m not defending them, but it’s not like they’re evil monsters who beat me or made me sleep in the yard or something else from a news special. I’m not wounded and broken over them or--”

“I know that,” Eunha broke in firmly. “I don’t pity you. I just don’t like how they treat you.”

“But that’s what I’m saying. Maybe it was a soulmate thing…”

“Does the reason really matter?” Eunha asked. Soohee thought for a long moment.

“Well, if it’s soulmate stuff, then it’s not my fault,” Soohee said softly. Eunha sighed.

“I thought you already knew that, but if you didn’t, I’m glad you’re learning it now." Eunha's voice was somehow gentle and authoritative at the same time. “It’s not your fault. They’re adults who made choices. I mean, it’s not like that woman touching you hurt you. It just felt weird. They could have made a bigger effort for their child .”

“Yeah,” Soohee said. “They could have.”

“Soulmate stuff or not, they’re very selfish.”

“Yeah, but that’s what Bonding does .” Soohee blew out a sharp breath. “This is why I never wanted to have one. I don’t want to be like them.” Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. “I can’t let Jimin become my whole world and block out everything else that matters and-- Shit. I just quit my job for him.”

“Okay, stop right there,” Eunha said. “You didn’t quit your job for him. You quit your job because it’s what’s best for you. And it was a shitty job anyway. This is nothing like your parents.” Soohee let that sit for a moment until the truth of it could overwhelm her worry. “So now that you’re free, you should go do something fun with your day.”

Soohee smiled. “God, I haven’t had free time in ages. What did I even do before the office took over my life?”

“We spent an obscene amount of time on Bangtan,” Eunha offered with a snicker, which she cut off abruptly. “Oh shit, you missed the latest thing from them.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve been camped out in their living room for a week, I think I would have noticed--”

“No, before that. They released the nineteen plus version of I Need U last week.”

“What?!” Soohee stood up without thinking about it, startling some nearby birds. She calmed herself a little and tried again. “When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, I thought about it, but I figured showing you a video of your soulmate drowning while you were literally starving to death was maybe a little more than either of us could handle that night.”

“That’s… fair.”

Jimin had just finished zipping up his bag when the front door burst open. He looked up startled as Soohee practically crashed through it, her cheeks flushed and her arms laden with a cardboard box. He watched her, bemused, as she battled out of her high heels and wrestled with her purse. The box tipped precariously and out tumbled various... office supplies? Jimin wasn’t sure what was happening, but he was pretty sure he'd just learned a new swear word. Yoongi would be impressed.

“Noona?” Jimin asked hesitantly. Soohee froze in the process of shoving everything back in the box to stare at him accusingly. Jimin felt the inexplicable urge to take a step back, even though he was already on the other side of the room. “Is everything okay? What are you doing home so early? Did something go wrong when you quit?” Jimin’s rising panic was quelled quickly when she blew her disheveled hair out of her face and rolled her eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me--” She fumbled with the items in her hands and dropped a picture frame, which clattered loudly. She swore under her breath again, and Jimin thought he was learning all kinds of things today. She snarled at it and scooped it back up. She stared at the image for a moment, distracted.

“Tell you…?” he said, leading.

Soohee huffed as she stood up, then shoved the frame into the box and the box into the hall closet next to her ever-present duffle bag. Seokjin poked his head out of the kitchen at the sound of the closet slamming closed. “Why didn’t you tell me,” she asked, rounding on him, “about the music video?”

Whatever Jimin’s brain had cooked up in the last 45 seconds to expect from the end of that sentence, it was not that. “Uhhhh,” he said eloquently. “What?” Hoseok and Taehyung stepped out of their room, no doubt concerned about the racket.

Soohee ignored them as she crossed the room, thrusting her finger in Jimin’s direction. “The new version of your music video. That the whole fandom’s been waiting for.” She stopped right in front of him, just as Yoongi appeared from the bathroom. She turned to him with a fierce look. “The one that Min Yoongi has particularly strong feelings about. That’s supposedly going to make everything make sense and tell the story more clearly, although how that’s possible no one knows because that thing is ridiculously vague and confusing and sad .” Soohee took a deep breath and turned back to Jimin, her face comically pleading. Her eyes widened desperately and she held her hands to her chest in supplication. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me you guys dropped it an entire week ago ?”

“Oh.” Jimin was relieved that she didn’t seem legitimately angry with him. “You haven't seen that yet?” She glowered at him, though it was undercut by her eager eyes. He took a chance. “And here I thought you were a fan .”

Soohee gasped and clutched at her heart, but she was clearly pretending to be wounded. The other boys’ faces bounced between the two of them like they were watching a ping pong match. “I was a little busy at the time. If you’ll recall, you were in Malaysia and I was… what was I doing again?” She tapped her chin in mock thoughtfulness. “Hmmm. Oh, right. I was a little busy starving to death .”

Hoseok gasped, his wide eyes horrified. Jimin felt the familiar clench in his gut at the reminder. Something of it must have showed on his face.

“Too soon?” she asked, some of her usual meek tone filtering back into her voice.

“Nah.” Jimin mentally brushed off the image of her passed out on the sidewalk in the rain. She’d been the one dying--if she was cool with joking about it, he could be too. Probably. “I just thought you wouldn’t let a little thing like that get in the way of your fangirling. Are you even really ARMY?” His eyesmile softened his words, and she actually laughed.

“Actually, I didn’t have the heart to tell you before,” she shot back. “But I’m actually an EXO-L.”

Taehyung burst out laughing, while Yoongi held up his hands in a calming gesture. “Hey now.” His gummy smile appeared. “No reason to start a fanwar in our living room.”

“What’s going on?” Jungkook asked sleepily, appearing from his bedroom with his hair like a bird’s nest and his eyes screwed up against the daylight. “Is someone shouting?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jungkook.” Soohee instantly shrunk back into the version of herself Jimin had become familiar with over the last week. The one that seemed to be trying to take up the least amount of space as possible. Jimin didn’t like the change. “I was just being ridiculous. I’m sorry I woke you.” She bit her lip and took an unconscious step back.

“It’s about time,” Seokjin said, his lips pursed. He shot a glare at the maknae. “I’ve been trying to get him out of bed for the last half hour. We need to leave soon. Soohee, you did me a favor.” Soohee smiled shyly at him. Jimin kind of wanted her to shout again.

“This is about the new MV?” Namjoon said, walking into the room. He cuffed Jungkook gently on the back of the head. The maknae groaned, but Jimin had little sympathy -- he knew what it was like to be the one assigned to wake him. “It’s only five and a half minutes long. Put it on.”

Jimin watched, bemused again, as his brothers hopped into action. They filtered around him into the seating area of the living room. Soon, he and Soohee were left alone, off to the side near the archway into the hall. She looked up at him, her expression nearly fearful.

“Sorry.” Her lips twitched in a nervous giggle. “I didn’t mean to… make a scene or anything. We can, um. I mean, we don’t have to. I’m sure you’re all--”

“Soohee,” Taehyung called, peering over the back of the couch. “Get in here! We’re about to start it.”

The BigHit introduction blared from the large screen across the room, and Hoseok scrambled for the remote to set the volume at a more reasonable level. Jimin just lifted a shoulder and jerked his head toward the rest of the group with a smile. After the ruckus she’d created, they couldn't not watch the video now. Honestly, he found the whole thing endearing, if a bit bewildering.

The others had left two entire cushions empty for them, the ones the two of them had claimed for the last several days to Recharge. Jimin hid a smile at their thoughtful accommodation -- it was like leaving the front seat of the van for Namjoon. Just one of those unspoken rules everyone adhered to. He tucked himself in the corner of the couch. Soohee perched beside him distractedly, the opening chords of Love Is Not Over already trickling out of the speakers.

He watched her profile as she nibbled on her lower lip, eyes locked on the screen.  Her hands clenched and unclenched in her lap and her leg jiggled. Jimin wondered for a moment if she was really that nervous about her request but realized with sudden clarity that she was just anticipating the video.

She was a fan.

Even though he’d teased her about it only a second before, he’d somehow forgotten the truth of that fact. Before all of this, the Recharging and the starving and the awkward getting-to-know-you dance, she'd been ARMY through and through. And now she was here, in his living room, about to react to their work. Right in front of his face. It was actually a little daunting -- what if she didn’t like it? What if she didn't get it? What if she reacted like a crazy fan? He was reminded, suddenly, of the time he and the members had watched a video of two enthusiastic British fans watching the Boy In Luv MV. He hadn’t understood a whole lot of it, since it was in English, but there’d been lots of screaming and flailing and a ridiculous amount of pausing. He didn’t think Soohee was the type, but he didn’t really know what to expect from the next five minutes.

Her eyes flickered to Hoseok as his on-screen face peered out of a mirror. Then she gave a tiny, practically inaudible gasp when Taehyung’s character turned his sad eyes to the camera. Jimin was entranced by her minute expressions. He was watching her so closely that he nearly jumped when a small whimper snuck out of her throat. He glanced at the TV to see Hotel Yoongi stroking the empty pillow beside him. He’d personally always loved that movement (it told an entire story in less than a second), but this was going to be a long five minutes if she kept this up.

The MV finally opened and she relaxed a fraction, the footage now familiar. While her eyes were glued on the video, Jimin glanced around to see every other eye on her, though they were at least trying to be subtle about it. Well, most of them. Yoongi didn't play around, staring at her unabashedly. They all jumped a little when Soohee gasped. On screen, Hoseok poured out a handful of pills.

“No, but--” Soohee whispered. She glanced sideways at their expectant faces and froze. Blushing, she looked down. Jimin nudged her with an encouraging smile. She looked up in time to see Hoseok swallow all the pills. “Nooooo, Hobi, why?” Real Hoseok’s face split into a proud grin -- those fake pills had tasted awful and he’d had to work extra hard to keep the right expression.

Jimin noticed her mouthing the words along with the song. She even smiled at their friendly antics in the railyard. So Jimin was nearly as shocked as she was when she gasped and flinched backwards. “Jungkookie, no, what, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM.” Her bark startled him so much that he nearly didn't notice she had slipped into Banmal. She turned to him with wide eyes, which he met with a simple shrug. There was a lot of video left.

He rested a comforting hand on her back, hoping the Charge would bring her a little comfort and steadiness. The scenes shifted to happier ones in the tunnels and the restaurant. He remembered those fries. They were cold and not seasoned enough. Soohee smiled along, even giggling.

“Rude,” she muttered at the television when the gas station patrons tossed money at Namjoon. Jimin chuckled at her wrinkled nose, but it didn’t last long. Her face crumpled with concern. “Hobi, why… are you on a bridge?”

“It’s okay,” Hoseok stage whispered from the chair next to them, barely containing giggles.

“I highly doubt that,” Soohee shot back without looking, her attention again diverted. “Ew, Tae.” Taehyung smiled unrepentantly about his on-screen spitting, but she didn’t see it because she was too busy jerking away from the sudden assault-in-progress on the television.

She half-covered her eyes and groaned. “No, why? He’s just a baby! Stoppppp.” Jimin heard Jungkook scoff from somewhere across the room and turned to smirk at him. “God, too much. TOO MUCH. His faaaace. Wait, Hobi, no, don’t faint. Get up. No. GO BACK.” Jimin glanced back to see the camera soaring away from Hoseok’s prone form on the bridge. The drones had been so cool to watch that day -- he and Taehyung were fascinated. And a little bit bummed that they weren’t allowed to play with them.

Jimin knew one of his own scenes was next, but Soohee merely oohed over the pretty flower blooming out of Sad Seokjin’s white shirt. That was fine. He didn’t mind. It was… fine.

“Oh, shit,” she muttered as Juvenile Delinquent Taehyung peeked in on a domestic dispute. As his hands reached for the bottle, Soohee said, “No, no no. Nononononononoooo, Kim Taehyung YOU MAKE BETTER CHOICES--OH JUNGKOOKIE WATCH OUT FOR THE--”

The music cut for a beat and so did her warnings. Jimin wanted to be jealous, but his friends were such a good actors that he couldn’t feel anything but pride.

“Did he just--?” she began hoarsely, turning to Jimin. The music began again, softer this time, and she swiveled back to take it all in, head shaking slowly. The song built once more. Taehyung laughing, Taehyung stabbing, Taehyung being tickled, Taehyung being horrified. Soohee’s head shook faster and faster, in time with the beat until she let out an overwhelmed groan.

Jimin had forgotten how bloody this scene was. It had been a pain in the ass for Taehyung to get it all off of him at the end of the filming. Fake blood was stickier than one might expect.

“Yoongi…? What are you doing with that gas can ?”

Jimin was pretty sure she had forgotten any of them were in the room, speaking only to their characters and not to the real people. And informally at that. But still, Yoongi grinned and said, “Just wait, it gets better.”

Soohee either didn’t hear him or was too invested in the video, because her only response was, “Seriously, what. are. you. doing?” She gasped as the fake motel around him burst into flames. Yoongi sat back smugly, and Jimin decided now was not the time to bring up just how high pitched Yoongi’s shriek had been that day on the set.

Instead, Jimin tried not to be annoyed that she’d reacted to everyone but him. It wasn’t like it mattered. His storyline wasn’t that big or impressive. She was bound to be distracted by everyone else, especially Taehyung covered in blood. The final instrumental started with all of them running on the pier. Soohee visibly relaxed as everything wound to a close.

Suddenly, her hand clawed his leg in a vice grip as his Bathtub Self screamed in agony. She turned to him, and he wasn’t sure (but he was pretty sure ) her chin actually quivered just a tiny bit. He looked at her in alarm, but she just stared at him wordlessly, missing the final seconds of the video entirely. The silence stretched for only a moment, though Jimin felt like it was forever, locked in an unexpected staring contest with his soulmate. Soohee seemed to come back to herself suddenly and turned to face the rest of the boys.

“What. The hell. Was that?” she whispered, choking out a laugh. “I mean, you weren’t kidding, Yoongi.” Jimin noted that she found her way back to formal speech, though whether she realized she’d slipped or not was still unclear. The other boys grinned proudly. None of them seemed to have caught the weird moment of intensity she'd just shared with Jimin.

“So…” Seokjin failed to hold back a smile. “What’d you think?” As if that wasn’t clear.

“I…” she started, then shut her mouth abruptly. After two more failed attempts, Jimin thought about rescuing her with a distraction, but finally she said, “I’m not speaking to any one of you right now. You all need to make better life choices. Kim Taehyung, you are grounded .” The teasing lilt in her voice allowed whatever leftover tension was in the room to dissipate. “Seriously, though. What does it mean ?”

“Not a damn clue,” Yoongi said with a shrug.

“But…” Soohee said.

“Nope,” Hoseok piped in.

“But it’s your MV.” Soohee looked at them like they’d kicked her puppy.

“No, seriously, only Bang PD knows and he’s not telling,” Seokjin said.

“If it helps,” Namjoon offered. “The story isn’t over. This is like the next… year of our lives. Maybe more. I mean, this is only Part 1. There’s so much more planned.”

“Hyung, can you really tell her that?” Taehyung asked through his teeth, his eyes darting around cautiously.

“Why not?”

“She’s family. ” Yoongi's pointedly look ended any further argument.

“Hey, the staff’s going to be here any minute, guys.” Namjoon stood and turned off the television. “We’d better be ready.” The rest popped up right away, scattering to gather their things. Soohee sat frozen on the couch, her hand still gripping Jimin’s thigh, right above his knee. He looked down at her hand, the force of it easing instantly as she became aware of it.

“Sorry,” she stuttered. Her eyes had yet to return to normal size. “I was just-- It was. It felt so real .”

“It wasn’t, though,” Jimin said lightly, ready to join his brothers in preparing for the day. His words didn’t have much of an impact. He felt an odd mixture of sympathy and humor rise up in his chest. He patted her hand. “I’m fine. It’s okay.” She smiled at that, her own mantra turned against her.

“Right,” she said. She shook her head abruptly as if to shake off her concern. She smiled, but her eyes stayed oddly serious. “You’re all very good actors.”

Chapter Text

Soohee gripped her arms tightly as she rode the elevator up to the office floor of the BigHit building. She had been inexplicably summoned to Song Hobeom’s office, on a Sunday morning of all times. She knew of him but hadn’t met him yet. His role as head manager kept him in the office arranging schedules and appearances much more than traveling with the boys or being hands-on in their day-to-day training. She had no idea why he would possibly want to see her of all people.

Was this finally when the other shoe dropped and reality caught up with her? She was just a fan, inserting herself into Jimin’s life. Yes, it was for his health and safety, but they’d allowed her so much more access and freedom than she expected. It had been almost two weeks since they’d found her. She was more than recovered now. This was probably the end of the grace period.

Sejin’s words had been cryptic. He’d just popped into the rehearsal room and directed her upstairs with a simple, “He has something important to talk with you about.” Jimin had been no help either. He’d merely shrugged with raised eyebrows and hit his mark to start their concert prep again.

Had she done something wrong? Her brain quickly scanned the last several days. Since she'd quit her job, she’d been tagging along to music shows and fansigns and rehearsals and various other activities. It'd been a wild ride, and the schedule was starting to take its toll on her.

She’d woken this morning alone on the couch with the sun slanting high through through the windows. Jimin had left her a message saying he’d gone to vocal practice and encouraging her to sleep more. He and the other boys were used to living in a constant state of low-level sleep deprivation, but she wasn’t yet. And the hours she’d been getting had been interrupted by uncomfortable dreams filled with bathtubs and fire and blood.

She hadn’t told Jimin or the rest about her dreams, though he must have noticed how restless she was in the night. She felt ridiculous, being impacted so hard by what was just… make-believe. But even Jimin’s heart thumping steadily in her ear as she slept tucked against his chest was not quite enough to dispel the prickling worry of him in danger. She was growing far too attached far too quickly, she knew, but hell if she knew how to turn the tide.

So she spent each day trying to wear herself out and ensure that Bangtan was well cared for. Maybe if she brought them enough water bottles and snacks, she could convince herself once and for all that they were fine. She pitched in wherever the coordis needed help: fetching costumes, packing supplies, and finding lost items. Whatever they needed, she was there for.

Yesterday, they’d been behind schedule and under the gun to get the boys out on stage, so she’d even helped Seokjin and Hosoek tape down their microphone and ear monitor cords. It was a little strange at first, touching the skin on the backs of their necks. It was perfunctory but also oddly intimate. And for a second, she felt that same dreaded lifelessness on their flesh before the feeling faded away and her nervous system remembered that this was how skin was supposed to feel.

Maybe that’s why Hobeom called me into his office , she thought as the elevator doors slid open with a quiet swoosh and she worked her way through the maze of cubicles with trepidation. Maybe she’d done too much. In her haste to be helpful and pull her own weight, maybe she’d reached too far and they were going to tell her to back off. To sit in the corner and not be noticed. To be Jimin’s meal when he needed it and furniture when he didn’t. Even inside her head, the idea chafed against what she'd learned about this company so far, but the “family” atmosphere could easily be just an image, not a reality.

Hobeom’s door stood ajar, but he was absorbed in some document in front of him and didn’t see her right away. Well, she’d find out soon enough. She took a deep breath and reached in to tap on the door without actually entering.

“Lee Soohee,” he greeted, looking up with a reserved smile. He stood and offered her his hand. “Please come in and have a seat.” Soohee shook his hand firmly, hoping her nerves didn’t show. It was getting easier all the time to touch people who weren’t Jimin. It was maybe even getting easier touching Jimin.

“Kim Sejin said you wanted to see me?” she offered.

“Yes, it’s good to finally meet you,” he responded, sitting again and shuffling the papers into a nice stack before setting them aside. He steepled his fingers and gave her his full attention. “I’ve heard a lot about you from my staff. I apologize for not taking the time to meet you sooner. With the promotion cycle where it is, I haven’t really left this office all month.”

“That’s okay,” Soohee said, wondering why he would even want to. “I’m not… It’s not a big deal.”

Hobeom seemed to understand what she was trying to say, because his expression both disagreed and let it slide. “How are you settling in at BigHit? I know this must be a major change for you.”

“It’s fine,” Soohee answered. The words were true, but the rhythm was becoming too familiar and she couldn’t stop herself from adding “I’m okay.”

“Everyone has been welcoming? Kind?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Good, good. Now. I’ve heard you’ve been spending a lot of time backstage. You recently quit your job?”

Something in the question seemed a little too probing to be idle curiosity. Soohee’s stomach sank. She had gone too far. “Yes, I thought it was the best option, given the schedule,” she said. “Since I have so much free time now, the boys let me tag along. But I… I can stop if it’s a problem.”

“No,” Hobeom said, confused. “It’s not a problem. Did… did someone say something to you?”

“No?” Soohee asked, now just as confused. “I just thought-- Well. Sejin said there was something you needed to talk to me about?”

“Oh,” Hobeom said, his expression clearing suddenly. “Yes. You’ve been taking such good care of Bangtan, especially Jimin, and I think we should be paying you.”

“Pardon?” she asked. She wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. Pay her for what exactly?

“I know it couldn’t have been easy quitting your job,” he responded. “The company will, of course, take care of things like travel and housing, and it’s not like you need to worry about food. But you might need spending money, and you’re already helping us out so much -- keeping Jimin healthy and happy and everything else -- so I’d like to put you on the payroll.”

Soohee stared at him for a long moment, trying to make his words add up to anything other than where her brain was taking her. Surely he wasn’t suggesting what she thought he was. They want to pay me for my body? To “take care” of Jimin. Like some sort of… hooker? This can’t be real.

She tried to find the right words, the right phrase to clarify everything, but instead she just blurted, “You want to pay me to keep Park Jimin happy ?”

“Well, I mean, that’s not… Whatever you and Jimin get up to in your own time is your business, but your title would be Assistant to the Director of Talent Management.” Hobeom looked at her strangely, as if she was being very slow. She glared back. “I mean, if it matters that much to you, you can write your own title. We’re not picky.”

“And what would my duties be?” she grit out. If the company was really playing this game, she was going to make him say it, as much as it made her sick to even think about those words being spoken aloud.

Hobeom narrowed his eyes, seeming to calculate her tone and her body language. “You’d answer to Sejin, but you’d spend a lot of time with Narae and her girls. You’d be kind of like a coordi, but you’d also get to be in on some of the management tactics, too.”

“Wait, you’re offering me a job ?” Soohee stared at him, suddenly very worried she’d made a horrible assumption. “Like, an actual job?”

“Y...es?” Hobeom titled his head. “At least, I thought I was? What--”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I just--”

For half a second, he was merely confused but realization dawned across his features. She could practically see him running over the words they’d just exchanged. Her face heated violently as his quickly twisted into mortification.

“Oh. OH! No. No, nothing like that! Christ.” His face flushed. Soohee was sure it matched her own. He cleared his throat. “I apologize. Whatever impression I’ve left you with, it’s obviously not what I intended. Let me start over.”

Soohee nodded, not trusting her words to do anything but dig this hole deeper. Hobeom took a deep breath and raised his hands in a placating gesture.

“You always have a place here at BigHit, no matter what. We’d never pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. In fact, we’re thrilled you’re willing to go on the tour with us. You have no idea how easy that makes it on the whole company, but you didn’t have to do that. You know that, right?”

Soohee pressed her lips together for a second. “What else would I have done? Starved?” She tried very hard not to sound confrontational, especially after she’d just made such an egregious error in judgement about Hobeom’s motives. But he was acting like there were other options.

“We would have worked something else out. Listen, this job is completely optional. But everyone has only had wonderful things to say about you,” Hobeom said earnestly. “The boys all like you and are comfortable around you. I don’t need to tell you how important that is. Everything’s been running just a little smoother since you’ve arrived. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re glad Jimin is healthy, of course. But this week has convinced me I’d want you to work for us even if you had nothing to do with Jimin.”

His gentle smile still looked a little shellshocked. Her embarrassment was only increasing, the more he talked and revealed how wrong she’d been a moment before, about him and about BigHit as a company. She realized with shame that this entire conversation had been run through her filter of thinking the worst of idol companies, not through the reality of how she’d actually been treated in the last weeks. She’d had everything wrong.

“Sejin and Narae have reported just how much you do backstage every day,” Hobeom continued. “You work harder than nearly all the other coordis and you’re not actually on staff. They’ve been very impressed with your dedication.”

“They told me to act like one of the staff,” she said, lifting a shoulder carelessly. “I was trying to blend .”

Hobeom surprised her by chuckling a little. “Well, you’d either make a very good actress or a very good coordinator. Probably both.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled. He really was a very nice man. She wished she could restart this whole conversation and do it differently. “Sorry about…”

“No, I messed this all up,” he said with a sigh. “I was distracted by this ridiculous sajaegi issue when you walked in and wasn’t thinking clearly. What I meant to say was, first of all, thank you for all the work you’ve done for Bangtan recently. It has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.” She nodded.

She felt a surge of accomplishment. She wasn’t sure her boss at her old company had ever taken the time to say something like this to her. She guessed he figured the paycheck was enough. Still, it felt nice to be useful. She’d spent the last few weeks thinking she was a burden on Bangtan and a drain on the company, so this was an encouraging turnabout.

“Secondly, I should have asked you, in these words, if you’d like a full-time coordinator position with BigHit Entertainment. Like I said before, you’d report to Sejin, though you’d likely end up taking most of your orders from Narae--we all do, really.” Soohee snickered at his overly-pained grimace. He undercut it with a smile, but she knew his words were true. Narae was kind and indulgent with the boys but ruled the staff with the highest of expectations and the sharpest of eyes. Her results were always superb, so no one questioned her.  

“Bang Sihyuk and I have talked it over and this seems like the best solution for everyone. You get a paycheck and something to fill your time while staying close to Jimin, and we get help from someone we can trust. Plus, we won’t be lying if someone asks about you. We’ll do what it takes to protect you and Jimin from the public, but it’s so much less complicated if the majority of the story is true. Finally, it will make traveling with us so much easier.” She nodded, seeing the logic in all of this. “But it is entirely up to you. You’re also welcome to sit backstage and do nothing or find a work-from-home job at the dorm while they’re out or do any number of other things with your time. We just thought we’d offer.”

Now that everything was clear, she couldn’t help but find the suggestion appealing. It was a perfect solution. And she’d enjoyed the work so far. She wondered if there was any danger in mingling her work life and private life so much, but she knew that wasn’t really a boundary she had the luxury of anyway, given the circumstances. She’d keep doing what she was doing, whether she got paid for it or not. An income would be nice, maybe allow her to be independent in other ways.

“Does Jimin know about this?” she asked. It wasn’t that she needed his permission , per se. And they weren’t even a couple--they were barely tentative friends--so there was nothing that said she had to discuss this sort of thing with him. But they were soulmates and this was his company first. She didn’t want to make things weird for him.

“We asked him about it this morning,” Hobeom said. “We wanted to gauge how interested you might be.” Soohee tried not to let her questions show on her face, but Hobeom still continued gently, “He said he wasn’t sure what you’d say, but it was your life and your choice. He seemed to agree with us that it was a good solution, though.”

“Okay,” Soohee said, making up her mind. She was making all kinds of big changes lately. What was one more? “Let’s do it then.”

“So...” Jimin said slowly, sleep already tugging on his eyelids and his lips. The warmth of Recharging had nearly turned into a sedative for both of them. “Busan… What did you think of my hometown?”

Soohee wriggled into a more comfortable position against his chest. Her movement unconsciously drove his spine into the frame of the couch that he now despised with every fiber of his being. God, he missed his bed.

“It was all a little blurry,” she said. “We were only there for… four hours? And that's including the fansign. But your parents are just wonderful!” There was something in the tone of her voice, a soft surprise that made him want to dig further. “Thank you for letting me meet them. That was really nice.”

Jimin fell into silence. He didn’t have a response for that. In what world wouldn’t he have brought her home? He never would’ve considered it as an option. But Soohee seemed to. In fact, she had kind of always seemed to believe that. He cleared his throat.

“You know… Your parents are local  Are you ever going to let them meet me?” He felt her jaw tense against his chest, but he couldn’t see her face from this angle. He wished he could.

“That’s not a good idea, Jimin.”

“Why? You’ve barely told me anything about them and I don’t want to pry, but it’s-- I just.” Jimin sighed. He’d been thinking the same thought over and over again since their first day together. It sounded petty even inside his head. He was sure it wouldn’t be improved by speaking, but he had to get it out. “You didn’t even tell them about me. Is there a problem with me being your... soulmate?” Everything else between them was getting just a little easier, but that word still tripped him up every time.

“No, nothing like that,” Soohee responded. She lifted her head a fraction to glance up at him, then laid her head down again, facing out into the room.  

“Then… what?” He felt the column of her throat as she swallowed, her entire body rigid.

“When I said we aren’t close, I meant it. They’re… They’re not bad people, but they’re just-- really unengaged with my life,” Soohee said. Underneath the flat resignation, Jimin heard deep sadness. “I don’t want to subject you to their disinterest. It would be uncomfortable at best. They don’t mean to be, but they can be kind of… hurtful.”

It was the most she had ever said about her family. It was the deepest she’d ever spoken about anything. Their Recharging chats had become smoother, with less awkward fumbling and stilted dialogue. But it had all been pretty surface until now. Maybe facing away was actually helping her open up. He idly ran his fingertips across her shoulder blades, feeling the cotton of her tank top wrinkle and catch lightly on his movements. What she was saying was so foreign to him, the boy who’d received a huge hug from his mother just that afternoon and watched his own eyesmile beaming at him from his father’s face.

“Was it always like that?” he asked tentatively. He could feel her discomfort as she nodded and decided he’d pushed far enough for tonight. It was progress. He cleared his throat and took on a teasing lilt. “I was afraid your mom was Namjoon-biased or something.” Jimin was rewarded with a small smile, which he felt when her cheek bunched up against his shirt.

“Nah, she’s never heard of him,” Soohee said, her tone much lighter. “I tried to tell her about you guys once, a couple years ago, but she didn’t get it. Of course, that could have been because Eunha spent the entire afternoon swooning over Taehyung and my mother was tired of the racket in her living room.”

“Oh, so Eunha likes Taehyung…” Jimin mused. He wiggled his eyebrows even though she couldn’t see it.

“Oh my god,” Soohee said, pushing herself upright to stare at him with wide eyes. The pressure of her hands against his diaphragm forced a grunt out of him, but she didn’t seem to notice. “Please do not tell him that. She would die. I have no idea if she’ll ever meet him again, but I know she’d rather he didn’t have that information if they ever do.”

Jimin wrinkled his forehead. “What do you mean, you don’t know if she’ll ever meet him?” he gasped. She quickly moved her hands, steadying herself with an arm on the back of the couch.“Of course she’ll meet him. She’s practically your sister.”

“So?” Soohee asked.

“So... she’s a big part of your life and your life now includes us,” Jimin said. Would she ever let him into her life by more than millimeters at a time? “Maybe I won’t meet your parents any time soon, but I’d like to get to know someone from your life. And you didn’t join a witness protection program when you met me, as much as the PR plan makes it feel that way sometimes. You do know you can invite her over, right?” Soohee frowned thoughtfully, then lifted a shoulder in acquiescence.

“There’s not a lot of time for socializing right now, but maybe when we’re back from Malaysia.”

He nodded. She lowered herself back down, snuggling in for more Recharging.

They were quiet for a moment, both getting sleepy again. But something was poking at the back of Jimin’s brain. He’d been wondering for a while, and even though he’d told himself he’d never ask, he could feel the words bubbling out of his throat.

“So now that I know Eunha’s bias, which one of my brothers is yours?”

“What?” Soohee squeaked. She didn’t look at him this time. Maybe that meant she’d be honest. He waited out her surprise, hoping she’d fill the silence on her own. He knew it wasn’t him. Had known it since nearly the beginning. But he needed to hear her say it. She mumbled something, and he could feel the vibrations of it on his skin, but his ears didn’t pick it up.

“Hmm?”

“It’s embarrassing,” she whispered. “It’s one thing to have a favorite as a fan, but now that I know you all, it’s really weird.”

“Come on,” Jimin teased, keeping his voice as light as he could. She was silent for just long enough. “It’s Tae, isn’t it? You and Eunha both, right?” She was silent again. He couldn’t explain the unbearable tightness in his chest as he forced out a laugh. “Kim Taehyung is everyone’s favorite. It’s okay." He bit his lip for a moment, not allowing his breathing to change. "He’s my favorite, too, you know.”

His joke worked. She laughed just a little, a fraction of a second, and relaxed against him. He kept his breathing steady, the soft rise and fall of his chest lulling her quickly. It had been a busy day and a long drive from Seoul to Daegu, then to Busan and home again. He should be exhausted. He had been, just a minute ago. But instead, he was becoming more alert by the second. His brain whirled as she melted into bonelessness, drifting off to sleep.

Of course he wasn’t her favorite. He’d known it. He’d prepared himself for it. It had been clear from the beginning that she wasn’t nearly as interested in him as she was in the others, despite being his soulmate. And what did it matter anyway? It was petty and stupid. It didn’t mean anything. So she hadn’t picked him out of all the others. It didn’t matter.

She’d picked Taehyung. It wasn’t a secret that Taehyung had the lion’s share of the love from the fandom. Jimin couldn’t blame them -- his friend was amazingly talented with both his voice and his face. Of course Taehyung was her favorite. There was no comparison. Jimin lost every time.

Of course Jimin wasn’t her favorite. He’d known it a week ago, when he’d first told his parents about her, about his soulmate. He’d known she hadn’t picked him. The twitter photos he’d stumbled across right after hanging up with them had only confirmed it to him. He’d already let down the fans he did have. He’d lost his abs. He’d lost his way. Why would she pick him?

And it didn’t matter anyway, not really. Because who the fans picked as their favorite was just a stage persona. It didn’t mean anything. But there was a sick, dark humor rotting him away from the inside, because Soohee hadn’t even picked him when he was at his best. The most carefully constructed and smugly sexy version of himself hadn’t been enough to turn her head. He didn’t have a stage name, so it was hard to make the distinction between Stage Jimin and...just Jimin. But Just Jimin lost every time.

So of course he wasn’t her favorite. He was only her soulmate. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything.  

He huffed out a breath as these thoughts continued to blare in his ears, stuck on repeat and shuffle, the most unforgiving playlist. Occasionally, the voices of his members, of his parents, of his managers (of reason and truth and kindness), would come up to try to even out the beat of the cacophony, but without his permission his brain pressed skip on those particular tracks.

It had been hours since Soohee fell asleep, but he was now more awake than he'd been all day. His muscles twitched, as fractious as his thoughts. He was never going to fall asleep like this, with the pitiful couch cushions warping his back more every day and his mind warping his heart every second.

With careful, practiced movements, he shifted Soohee further into the couch. He was an expert now, having snuck out to catch a workout every night this week. He was sure she’d never noticed his absence, since they were able to Recharge throughout the day. With one last wriggle, he was on his feet and reaching for his phone.

“Jimin?” she said sleepily, rubbing her face. Jimin could see her frown from between her fingers. “Where’re you going?”

“I can’t sleep. I’m going to go get a workout in.”

“Nononono,” she grumped. She reached for him blindly, hands grabby and eyes squinty. “Come back…”

“Did you not get enough Charge?” he asked. His voice was sharper than he intended, but he couldn’t shake the antsy, ugly weight in his bones. It’d been hours since they’d gotten to the couch, and they’d sat next to each other the whole way home from Busan. She should be fine. His skin wasn’t even tingling with ignored need like it did most of the time these days, so there was no way she wasn’t getting enough. He took a step back.

“Nuh-uh,” she grunted, stretching further. “’M cold ‘n you’re always warm.” Her hands caught his shirt, fingers scrabbling gently through the fabric against his ribs. It was oddly ticklish, and he squirmed away. A dopey smile spread across her face. It should have been cute, but it only annoyed him more. He shifted again, to pull out of her reach, but her hand gripped harder and her features clouded. “Jimin?”

“What?” he snapped. Every muscle felt restless now, coiled and unable to release. Her hand slid more firmly across his ribcage, her fingers bumping along as if she were counting.

“The fuck is wrong with your--” She cut herself off by sitting up abruptly. Jimin was so confused by her expression that he allowed her to pull him closer by his shirt. It took him a second to realize she wasn’t just tugging it closer but upward as well. Her fingertips now brushed warmly across the skin of his abdomen. This was new. She was sleepy and unguarded and a little grumpy, but this was new and Jimin kind of liked where this was heading. “When did you get so thin?”

No, he didn’t like where this was going at all. “I’m an idol,” he said brusquely, pulling the shirt out of her grip. “I’m always thin.” Internally, he scoffed at that half-truth. He was supposed to be thin, but he didn’t always accomplish it.

“No, not like this,” Soohee said. Her eyes were more alert now, though narrowed fiercely. “Jimin, why are you going to the gym in the middle of the night?” Jimin bristled at her accusing tone.

“I need to build more muscle before the next concert,” he said. He wasn’t sure why he was explaining himself to her. “It’s part of my job.”

“You do this a lot, don’t you?” she asked, her expression clearing as if pieces were falling into place. “You go to the gym while I’m sleeping, don’t you?”

“So what?”

“This isn’t healthy, Jimin,” she said, reaching out to run her hand across his belly again, but he twisted away before she could get very far. Her touch was no longer interesting or even thrilling. It made him feel gross, her hands exploring his flab. She blinked at him and another wave of realization flowed across her face. “When was the last time you ate real food?”

Jimin shrugged. He knew exactly when, but her nagging wrankled. “I don’t know,” he said, already walking to the hall closet and rummaging for his gym bag. He had to get out of there. He found it next to her duffle. “I haven’t needed to, with Recharging. It’s fine. Things were starting to taste bad anyway. I’ve probably rejected it all by now.” The zipper on the gym bag got stuck and he wrestled with it fruitlessly.

“But...” Soohee struggled off the couch to follow him, her movements encumbered by sleep. She was still surly and a little pouty from waking up. Usually, he found it adorable, but right now it was almost like she was whining and the goddamned zipper wouldn’t cooperate and he really just needed out. “The doctor said…”

“That soulmate energy is the perfect nutrition? That we would have our ideal body shape and weight?” Jimin growled, finally zipping the bag with such force that the fabric tore a little. “Well, guess what? That’s not actually how it fucking works.” Her eyes widened with both his words and volume, but he was beyond caring. He’d always had a hair trigger, and there was no un pulling it now.

“It’s the funniest joke I’ve heard in awhile that nature’s definition of ideal and what this industry demands aren’t even close to to the same thing,” he continued darkly, snorting out something that wasn’t anything like a laugh. He could hear the bitterness in his voice, but he couldn’t stop. “I’ve got a concert in about a week where everyone expects me to have defined abs. There’s only so much the coordi noonas can do with contouring, so if you’ll excuse me, I need to go do the rest.”

“But--”

“You just said you’re getting enough, so what’s the big deal?” Jimin spat. “You worry about you and I’ll worry about me.”

“But I do worry about you,” Soohee said, her voice a little broken and a little lost. And full of pity, Jimin was sure.

“Why?” he snapped. “You’re not my mother.” I’m not your bias . “You’re not my girlfriend.” I’m just your soulmate . “I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.” I have to be better . “I’m fine. I’ll be okay. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Ignoring the shock on her face from his outburst, he spun on his heel and strode out of the dorm.

It only took ten minutes of crunches for Jimin’s temper to cool down and for him to feel like a total and utter asshole. It took another half hour of self-flagellating for him to decide to go home and make it right. And another twenty before he figured out how to go about doing that.

There was a small part of him (much less important than the shame-filled majority that knew he’d taken out his stupid weight-loss issues on an innocent and half-asleep Soohee) that just didn’t want to go back to that couch. God, he hated that couch. It’d been two weeks and he still hadn’t figured out how to broach the topic with Soohee. Now felt like the very worst time to be asking for anything much less something as intimate as inviting her to his bed, platonic and chiropractic as his intentions might be. But he wasn’t sure, in his current state of mind, if he could survive another night on those battered cushions.

The image of her blank face, which reminded him strongly of Taehyung, haunted his conscience. He knew apologizing would do virtually nothing. Jimin had learned a long time ago that the wounds left by thoughtless words were rarely healed by thoughtful ones. He needed to do something .

As he packed his water bottle and towel in his gym bag, he remembered shoving aside Soohee’s duffle bag, overflowing with clothes and shoes and god knew what else girls needed when they traveled. As much as he hated sleeping on the couch, he imagined it was worse for her, sleeping on someone else’s couch and living out of a bag. An idea struck him, and he jogged back to the dorm formulating a vague plan.

He hadn’t anticipated Soohee still being awake. She was sitting in the corner of the couch, her legs pulled up tight so her knees were near her chin. She was so compact, she took up virtually no space in the dark room. Jimin might have missed her, if the moonlight pouring in through the high windows wasn’t bounced off her heart-shaped face, washing away its golden hue and reminding him starkly of the night they’d met. God, he’d been such an asshole.

“Hey,” he said softly, padding a little bit closer but leaving plenty of space between himself and the couch. “You’re still awake.”

She nodded. Her eyelids drooped, and he knew she was exhausted, but her jaw was firm. Words were definitely not enough but to leave them out entirely would be the second biggest mistake he made that night.

“Earlier -- what I said,” he fumbled. “I… I have a temper and it was a long day and I wasn’t thinking straight--” And I’m making a million excuses… He sighed. “I shouldn’t have said those things and I definitely shouldn’t have said them like that. I’m sorry.”

Soohee nodded. The air hung awkwardly between them for a prolonged moment. Jimin wondered if she was the type for the silent treatment. Eventually, she exhaled softly and let go of her legs at the same time, her whole presence loosening.

“I’m sorry, too,” she said. “You were right. I’m okay with how much Charge I’m getting and I’ll be fine if we keep it this way. The rest is… your business.”

Jimin didn’t like her tone. Weary and distant and… defeated? Not quite. But he had the sinking feeling that he’d just ruined all the progress he’d made earlier, getting her to open up about her family. Two steps forward, one step back. A choreography he did not enjoy. He needed some new moves. It was time for The Plan.

He strode over to front closet and opened it up. He wrapped his arms around every single item hanging from the bar across the closet and lifted them out, hangers and all. He stopped halfway across the living room, unsure of what to do with them. His plan had been vague, after all. Everyone was asleep and would murder him if he woke them up while trying to find storage space in their rooms at this hour. Soohee eyed him with confusion, so he feigned confidence and dumped them on one of the armchairs.

“Jimin…?” Soohee asked as he wrestled several hangers out of the pile.

He flashed her a mysterious grin and marched back to the closet and (carefully, oh so carefully) chose a few of the garments at the top of her bag (the ones that were perfectly safe in their outerwearness). She followed him, just as he’d hoped, so when he finished hanging them up, he could easily turn to her and motion to them with a flourish. She pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrows, obviously missing his point.

Maybe the point would be better made by hanging up all of her things, but he wasn’t sure now was the time to be riffling through her personal items. Instead, he pulled all the drawers out of the plastic organizer in the bottom of the closet and dumped the gloves and scarves and hats and miscellaneous items onto the teetering pile on the armchair. When the last one was empty, he handed it to her. She frowned at him, still not getting it. Or maybe getting it and not liking it.

“This is… yours now,” he said, suddenly feeling shy and foolish. He soldiered on. “We keep saying you’re part of our family, but you still live out of a bag kept on the floor and sleep on the couch like an unwelcome visiting relative.” Soohee’s eyes widened. She had it now. “You have your own home and your own life and I get that, but you’re here too much for me to let this go on any longer. So this closet now belongs to you. It’s small, but it’s yours.” Finishing the speech left him nearly as breathless as the Danger choreography.

“But, what about all this?” she asked, motioning toward the pile that was slowly succumbing to the inevitable pull of gravity. She quirked the corner of her mouth. “Hoseok will kill you if you intend to leave that right there.”

Jimin chuckled, glad she was warming back up to him. “We’ll put it away tomorrow. There’s gotta be space for all of it somewhere else. They’ll understand.” Her eyes darted to the hallway, as if worried the others would show up and contradict him. “Trust me. They’ll be fine with it.”

Soohee opened her mouth to protest, but her words were eclipsed by the biggest yawn Jimin had ever seen. He wondered how her jaw didn’t break, but she just chuckled at the end of it.

“Well, I’m half-asleep standing up and you have a really big day tomorrow. You’ve got the Yaman TV thing first thing in the morning, then the fan picnic and also Show Champion. Plus, you guys are filming something for Naver in the practice room, not to mention actual practices -- Son Sungdeuk has you for three hours for the new Japanese MV choreography.” Jimin marveled at how well she knew their schedule after working for them for exactly one and a half days -- even he didn’t know what was on there most of the time. He just went where they pointed and followed the script. “We should sleep. But thank you, for the closet. My closet.”

As she shuffled toward the couch, that dreaded awful lumpy terrible couch, something broke inside of Jimin’s soul. He really couldn’t spend another night like that. His bones ached just thinking of it.

“Noona,” he whined. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he also knew he had adorable cheeks and sometimes if he used them correctly he could get what he wanted and right now there was nothing he wanted more than a few hours in his own bed. Soohee looked back at him in surprise.

“There something wrong?” she asked. Her sleepy eyes missed his puppy face and pouty lips. Instead, she glanced at the closet door, still wide open. “Did you want me to put my stuff up right now? Jimin, it’s the middle of the--” She yawned again, cutting herself off.

“No,” he answered. He was being ridiculous. And the closet reminded him he had no room to be making requests. “No, it’s nothing. Let’s go to sleep.” He sighed and walked past her, scowling at the couch.

“Jimin,” she said gently. “At the risk of a repeat argument... something’s obviously wrong. What’s going on?”

“I hate this couch,” he blurted. “I miss my bed.”

“Oh. Well,” she said slowly. “I’m probably good for a few hours. We Recharged a lot today. You can go sleep in there. I’m sure we’ll find time tomorrow.”

Jimin toed the carpet, not looking at her directly. He didn’t want that. Not only was it unlikely they would find the time the next day (with the schedule she’d just rattled off, he’d be lucky to find time to pee), but he didn’t actually want to sleep without her. Three times in the last week, he’d managed a cat-nap backstage and it had felt wrong. Cold. Empty. All the things she complained about right before their fight. He cleared his throat and looked up.

“Or you could… go with me?” he said, running his hand through his hair nervously. “If you want? It’s not weird. Not like that. It’s just sleep. This couch is uncomfortable and promoting limits the time we have for sleep and I think we’d sleep better in there and we only have a few hours anyway so we might as well make it quality if we can’t get quantity, right? So. Just. Sleep. You know? Nothing different from the couch, just laying... downer? For sleep?” God, could he have said sleep a few hundred more times?

“So you want us to... sleep? Is that what I’m getting?” she asked with a cheeky smile.

“Noooonaaaa.”

“It’s fine, Jimin,” she said. Her smile faltered slightly, and she took a deep breath. “It’s. It’s nothing. Just sleep. More horizontal and in the same room as your brothers, but just… better. For the sleeping.”

“It’s not all of my brothers, just two of them,” Jimin offered. “And they’re completely out. Even Tae the Great Insomniac.” Probably with my pillow. Bastard.

“Yes. That’s... fine,” she said. She seemed like she was arming herself for battle. Jimin almost suggested they stay on the awful couch instead, but she spoke again. “It’ll be okay. It’s not a thing. It’s fine. Let’s go. Now. Before I... fall asleep. Yes. Let’s... go.”

“Noona?”

“Jimin, I’m exhausted,” she said, weary half-smile driving her point home. “I would sleep under a bridge at this point. Lead the way.”

Chapter Text

Everything was set for the rooftop picnic event. The band had what they needed, the boys were resting in a room upstairs, and the first fans wouldn't be let into the venue for a little over a half an hour. Soohee had a rare break, and she needed someone to talk to. She was starting to spiral.

“Unnie, I slept in his bed last night,” Soohee blurted into her phone before her friend had even finished her greeting.

“What?!”

“No, not like that.” Soohee rubbed her forehead, trying to sort through her mangled thoughts. “We had a fight. And then we moved into his bedroom because sleeping on a couch for a week is kind of shit, you know? Like even the best couch in the world is terrible after a week and this is not the best couch in the world. And he gave me a closet? Oh, and I met his parents.”

“What? What is going on over there?”

“Unnie, I’m just so confused.”

“That makes two of us.”

Soohee took a deep breath. She pulled her knees up to her chest to get more comfortable and maybe stall a little. It had been such a weird 48 hours. After accepting the job with BigHit and texting Eunha frantically with the good news, she’d returned to the practice room to find the boys ready for their trip. From there, one thing had dominoed into another, cascading into a hectic and strange day (much like every other day since she’d met Bangtan) and she hadn’t had time to think until she was sitting in the dark trying to figure out why Jimin’s harsh words had left a giant pit in her stomach.

You’re not my girlfriend…

“Soohee?” Eunha prompted. “Maybe the beginning is a good place to start?” Eunha knew her far too well, and Soohee was grateful.

“We went out to Daegu and Busan yesterday for fan stuff,” Soohee said. “And I met his parents.”

“Oooooh! What are they like?”

“They’re… Just like Jimin, actually. Really kind and welcoming.” Soohee still didn’t quite believe how open they were to the whole thing. Or how much she’d liked them, right from the start. “And his dad has practically the same face as him. It’s kind of incredible. Oh! Their cafe is adorable. I could spend whole days there drawing. It’s just like the fans have said -- there’s like a shrine to Bangtan off to one side.”

“Remember when my family went to Busan to visit my great-aunt?” Eunha sighed wistfully. “I tried so hard to get them to let me go. Everyone kept saying think of Samsoon-gomo and I just kept thinking think of Jimin-oppa .”

“Eunha, she was 97 years old,” Soohee scolded lightly. “She was lonely and wanted to see her family. Also, don’t call him oppa, you’re two years older than him.”

“She had seven cats and didn’t know who I was. I’m sure she wouldn’t have missed me for a few hours of fangirling.”

Soohee snorted.

“And wait. Does… does Jimin call you noona ?” The glee in Eunha’s voice was undeniable. Soohee pressed her lips firmly together, but let out the barest of assenting grunts. “Oh, that is fantastic and I love it.”

“Unnie…”

“Sorry, right. So you went to Busan and you met his parents. And then you had a fight? Or he gave you something? In his bed.”

“Kwon Eunha, I can hear your eyebrows waggling from here,” Soohee said firmly, though she was struggling not to giggle and give herself away. This conversation was exactly what she needed. “It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Well, but it could be…” Eunha’s voice was suddenly serious. Soohee bit the inside of her lip. This conversation was a terrible idea. Jimin’s angry voice from the night before kept playing in her mind, making it hard to come up with an answer. Eunha broke into her thoughts. “You had a fight.”

“Yeah.” Soohee sighed. “It was-- Honestly, I was half asleep, so I don’t really know how it happened, but we argued about his health and his weight and--”

“Park Jimin, I swear to God--”

Soohee wasn’t sure if Eunha was annoyed at him for fighting with her or for not taking care of himself. Though they’d paid more attention to Taehyung, they wouldn’t be ARMY if they didn’t know about Jimin’s dieting and workout regimen. But Soohee didn’t want to get into to it again. Plus, there was this weird protective thing welling up in her chest that made her loath to share something so personal about him with anyone outside of BigHit, even Eunha.

“Anyway, I was being nosy and he overreacted and we were both exhausted and he stormed out for a while and it all just kind of sucked.” Soohee picked at a spot on her jeans. She took a deep breath. “He was right, though. It’s none of my business.”

“His health is none of your business? You’re his soulmate.”

“So?”

“So… that means something,” Eunha sputtered.

“Not really.”

Soohee glanced at the screen of her phone to check the clock but still caught Eunha’s long-suffering sigh through the slightly distant speaker. Apparently, she had plenty of time before the picnic to be lectured by her best friend about the magic and romance of soulmates, which was likely the next step in this conversation if Soohee didn’t cut it off right here.

“First of all, Bonding doesn’t automatically give me the privilege to comment on every single aspect of his life -- that would be weird and I’d hate it if he pulled that on me.” Eunha made a small noise as if to interrupt, but Soohee continued, “Second of all, we’re not like other soulmates. We’re just friends. Nothing else.”

“Maybe for now, but don’t you think--”

“For now and for always,” Soohee said firmly and wondered why those words made her chest tight.

“You can’t know that,” Eunha scoffed. “It’s been a few weeks. You can’t say for certain what this will evolve into.”

“Yes, I can.” Her fingers shook as she picked more firmly that the tiny loose thread on her knee. “He’s an idol, unnie. He doesn’t have time for anything else. He has three more years left on this contract, and none of us wants this to be the only one Bangtan gets. With the size of the company, they’ve got to work twice as hard as most other groups to make it where they want to be. He’s not interested in taking this anywhere.” She blinked away the sudden burn in her eyes and sinuses.

“He said that to you?” Eunha sounded suspiciously calm.

“Not exactly.” The thread on her jeans pulled a little looser and a small tear opened up. She forced her hand away from it before she made it worse. “He said all of that to his parents, though. More or less.”

“In front of you?!” Apparently, the calm was short-lived. “Just like that, he just announces --”

“No,” Soohee sighed. “I went to the bathroom and when I was in the hallway coming back, his mother was asking about our future and if we were going to get engaged any time soon. I overheard his answer, that’s all.” She swallowed hard, and stared blindly out the van window.

“What exactly did he say?” Eunha asked.

“Just that... It’s not like that with us. We aren’t romantic -- we barely even know each other. But he thinks we could be really good friends someday. He has too many things to think about right now to even consider marriage or any of that stuff. And he’s got Bangtan to worry about.”

“Soohee, he was probably just calming her down. You know how mothers get with this stuff.” Eunha paused, and Soohee grimaced. “Okay, that was bad form. Sorry. I just meant that she was a little overzealous and maybe he didn’t mean it the way--”

“It doesn’t matter, though,” Soohee mumbled. She cleared her throat, firming her resolve. “I never wanted a soulmate anyway, right? If I have to have one, I’m sure as hell not going to be insufferably romantic and attached like my parents. I’m perfectly happy being his friend and working for BigHit and getting to be a part of it all.” She shrugged helplessly, even though Eunha couldn’t see her.

Her words were true. She didn’t want more than this. She couldn’t want more than this. It would be crazy to want more than this. She pushed herself upright, her back aching from where the windowsill of the van door had dug into her spine. They were both quiet for a moment.

“So if you’re just friends, how did you end up in his bed?” Eunha was throwing her a lifeline, and she latched onto it.

“Actually, it wasn’t his bed. It was Taehyung’s.”

Eunha made an unholy squeak and there was a mild crash that told Soohee she’d probably fallen off of whatever she was sitting on. “You slept in the same bed as both ninety-fives?”

“No, Taehyung was in Jimin’s bed. Apparently when he misses Jimin, he steals his pillow or climbs the ladder to the top bunk. He says it smells like home.”

“Well that’s precious.”

“He also prefers the smell of Hoseok’s bed, so I’m guessing it comes down to clean sheets and laziness just as often as brotherly affection.”

“Probably,” Eunha muttered, her fond exasperation with her bias clear. “So… What was it like sleeping in a bed together? Were you super uncomfortable?”

“Not as much as I thought I’d be, actually. I slept so much better than on the couch. And it’s been so much worse for Jimin. I feel kind of stupid that we didn’t make the move earlier, to be honest.”

Soohee thought about the way they were able to spread out just a little more in the twin-sized bunk, their limbs tangling and their bodies curling together differently than on the couch. Her face warmed as she remembered the soft sighs of comfort Jimin hadn’t known he’d been making last night, his face nearly angelic in restful sleep. An involuntary smile spread across her lips. She paused and cleared her throat. Eunha made a questioning noise and Soohee mentally scolded herself. They were just friends, nothing more. That was what Jimin wanted. That’s what they both wanted.

Their bonding was entirely platonic.

It had to be.

Jimin closed his eyes and let the coordi noona work on his eyeshadow. He secretly loved getting his makeup done. Sure, touch-ups were a hassle sometimes and it wreaked havoc on his skin when he forgot to wash it off thoroughly at the end of their exhausting days. Which was more often than he cared to admit out loud (for fear of Seokjin or Jungkook scolding him harshly). But there was something incredibly soothing about allowing someone to touch his face with gentle pats of a sponge and efficient caresses of a brush. Not to mention, he looked like a new and improved version of himself when they were done.

Frequently, he fell asleep in the makeup chair. But today, he felt alert without being on edge. The move to his bed had not been without complications (his roommates’ aversion to pajamas being just one of them), but he and Soohee were sleeping better than they had since they met. Recharging was a little easier, too.

The couch had been very limiting in terms of the positions they could get into. In his bed, they ended up spooning more often than not. And now they had more direct skin contact, although that had been an accident more than a calculated move toward efficiency. A few days ago, Jimin had been so worn out from learning the choreo to their new song that he could barely see straight, so he’d thoughtlessly stepped out of the bathroom after his shower and straight up the ladder into his bed. Soohee had looked up, startled to find him in only a pair of shorts. Jimin had nearly fallen off the ladder when he realized what he’d done.

The makeup coordi's hands tilted his head to get better access to his other eye, and Jimin blinked up at her for a second, then quickly closed his eyes again. He had to keep himself from actually shaking his head when he thought of what’d happened next. Soohee had looked away, her discomfort obvious. But then she’d taken a second look and her face suddenly and completely closed off. She’d simply pulled the covers aside and scooted over to make room for him. He’d been too dumbfounded and tired do anything except obey, but he’d spent too long that night analyzing her posture for unease, wondering if she was okay with all of this and trying not to wonder why she seemed to find him unattractive.

It’s not that he wanted her to fawn all over him. And he hadn’t been lying to his parents when he’d told them he was too wrapped up in his career right now to think about marriage or anything so serious. But… she was his soulmate . Wasn’t attraction kind of a given? He still had a few days to perfect his abs before he needed to flash them at the Malaysia concert later in the week, but he’d been hitting the gym harder than ever and knew he was looking pretty fit these days. So, as a stupid challenge that he would never admit to out loud, he’d started sleeping shirtless every night just to see Soohee’s reaction. So far, she’d given him nothing. But with the June heat beginning to creep into the dorm, at least he was sleeping comfortably again.

There was soft giggling nearby and suddenly someone’s fingertips were playing with the skin on his neck. Jimin could tell from the whispered commentary that there would be a camera very close to his face when he opened his eyes. He blinked slowly and groaned a little, giving Hoseok the pleasure of having “woken” him, though he hadn’t really been asleep.

“Jiminie, let’s go wake up Suga-hyung,” Hoseok stage whispered. Jimin rolled his eyes at the terrible plan but could tell from the way Yoongi was laying on the nap mat on the floor across the room that he wasn’t really asleep either. They would probably still get sworn at, though.

In the midst of their antics, Jimin watched Soohee out of the corner of his eye. She was really fitting in well with the staff. He knew a handful of them had the real story, but most of them just accepted that she was Sejin’s assistant. And she was good . That morning, Namjoon had lost his wallet, his cellphone, and his ear monitors -- all within a half hour of one another. Soohee had found them in seconds, literally holding out his cellphone wordlessly as he opened his mouth to ask if anyone had seen it. She was quickly becoming indispensable to their team. Jimin wasn't sure why that made him so proud of her, but it did.

Twenty minutes later, everyone was ready and it was almost time to go out to the set to film Weekly Idol . Jimin saw Sejin being accosted by a noona with a foundation sponge and wondered what their manager had gotten roped into doing on camera. The man would do anything Bangtan needed, but he preferred to be in the background. The coordi pulled the reluctant manager into the chair nearest Jimin. Sejin smiled wryly and shrugged.

Before Jimin could ask what was going on, Jungkook walked up to them with wide eyes and held out his phone. Jimin frowned at him. Jungkook was always showing him stupid memes and dance videos and high scores on his games but never with this kind of face. It was concerned and awed and possibly a little confused.

“Kookie?”

“Taeyang-sunbaenim…” was all he managed.

Jimin’s eyebrows scrunched as he took the phone from the maknae. Big Bang’s Taeyang and Actress Min Hyorin Confirmed to Be Dating blared up at him from the screen, along with many similar headlines in what Jimin assumed were the results of a Naver search.

“Yeah, I saw that this morning. Good for them.” Jimin pressed his lips together and lowered his eyebrows in confusion over why Jungkook would think that was such a big deal. Celebrities dated all the time. Sure, this was the first confirmed relationship for Big Bang, but Jimin personally thought it was good his heroes were allowed to be happy. Besides, the dude was nearly thirty--it was about time, to be honest.

“Scroll.”

Jimin was getting a little impatient with Jungkook’s cryptic attitude. He thought about scolding him and telling him to use his words, but instead he just followed his directions.

Soulmates? Rumors Surround Taeyang/Hyorin Dating Announcement

Marks of First Touch Spotted in 1AM MV, Netizens Claim

YG Confirms dating Rumor, Stays Mum on Bonding

Source Close to Big Bang: “Hyorin Is Taeyang’s Soulmate”

Jimin stared at the phone in his hand for a long moment, the words bouncing off of his eyeballs without connecting with his brain. Sejin cleared his throat, his ever-watchful eyes fixed on the two boys and one eyebrow raised in question. Jimin wordlessly handed him the phone.

Underneath the surprise, Jimin felt an overwhelming and unexpected relief, because he hadn’t realized how alone he’d felt until right this second. Selfishly, he wished it was someone a little more approachable so he could ask them questions, like maybe Jackson from GOT7 or Ken from VIXX, instead of one of the kings of kpop . Then again, he’d always wanted to grow up to be Taeyang, so…

Sejin stood up abruptly, knocking the coordi’s hands away in the process. “I have to make some calls. Sorry, Mijung, I’ll be back in a few -- they don’t need me on set for a while anyway.” He handed Jungkook back his phone, his mouth set in a grim line.

Jimin pulled the phone out of Jungkook’s hand the second Sejin disappeared out of the room. He clicked on one of the articles and scanned its contents on his way to his true goal: the comments. It was a terrible idea. Worse even than reading those tweets about his abs. But he had to know how people were reacting.

Just then, Soohee sidled up to them. She didn’t even look at Jimin, just grabbed Jungkook and man-handled him into a position a few feet behind Jimin’s chair, lightly chastising about the state of his costume.

Jimin knew Jungkook’s costume was just fine, but it was a method he and Soohee had developed over the last week to get a little Recharging in while remaining discreet. While she straightened Jungkook’s collar and sleeves and whatever else, she leaned casually against the back of Jimin’s chair. Jimin, in turn, sat up just a little straighter to expose more of his back to hers before leaning into her. To an outsider, it looked like they were just making do with the cramped space.

The other boys had grown accustomed to this trick rather quickly, though Jimin spotted the nervous twitch of Jungkook’s mouth in the mirror in front of the makeup chair. Their maknae was still adjusting to Soohee’s constant presence. Most days he was fine, unless she startled him like right now.

There was only so long she could fix his costume before it got weird. But Taehyung had impeccable timing, popping up and asking for help securing his microphone as soon as she released Jungkook. Jimin settled into the Charge (more for comfort than actual hunger) while he scrolled through the comments. It was a mixed bag of crazy and congratulations, but there was nothing too unexpected. Yet. Jimin knew it wouldn’t take long for people to reveal their true feelings. There would probably be three new op eds in tomorrow’s paper. People loved to have opinions about celebrities’ personal lives.

The Recharging didn’t last much longer, though, because they needed to get out on set. After they’d finished lighting and sound checks, there was a problem with one of the camera lenses or something. All Jimin knew was that they were delayed. He pulled Soohee to the side, behind some crates and spare set pieces, to update her about Taeyang and Hyorin.

He wasn’t even sure why -- it wasn’t like she wouldn’t find out on her own or that it directly impacted her. But he just felt the need to talk about it. And she was the one he wanted to talk about it with.

She looked at him expectantly. Slightly embarrassed and not really understanding why, he scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the floor and fiddled with the hem of his denim jacket. He stuttered out a few sentences before she interrupted him.

“Is this about them being soulmates?” Soohee asked. Jimin blinked up at her. “I saw it about an hour ago. It’s kind of crazy right? They hid it for over a year.”

Jimin hadn’t really thought about that. A whole, entire year. Only one measly year. It was both forever and nothing. And the risks had to be higher for him and Soohee. Bangtan wasn’t half as established as Big Bang, or as universally loved. Dong Youngbae was also seven years older than Jimin, and Min Hyorin was a celebrity in her own right, not a fan. Jimin and Soohee had to keep this secret for much longer than one year.

He opened his mouth to respond, though he didn’t have any words planned. He was saved by the sound of a loud voice on the other side of the equipment, which shielded them from view.

“Did you see this nonsense about Taeyang and that actress? Soulmates? Just when I think fan rumors can’t get any crazier...”

“Talk to me when you’ve been around idols more than a couple months. You’ve got a lot to learn about this industry, hoobae. This one’s not a rumor,” another man answered. “I’ve got a buddy who works over at YG. And there are already too many sources to write this one off.” Jimin and Soohee stared at one another. “His fans are going to get ugly fast. She has no idea what’s coming.” Jimin felt an odd sense of deja vu back to a conversation he had with Taehyung the morning after he found Soohee, when Jimin realized what was at stake for Soohee.

“Ugh, this business. It’s so nasty, isn’t it? I mean, it’s one thing to be dating, but to be Bonded? Everyone likes it when it’s on TV, but the reality of it is just plain weird.” Jimin could practically hear the younger man shudder and felt bile rise in his throat. He couldn’t look Soohee in the eye, but he hated that she was hearing this. He felt the wild urge to cover her ears.

“Actually, I think the fans are going to angrier about the romance. I mean, idols dating is never received well, but the fans would probably be okay with it eventually. And they could maybe even get over it they were platonic soulmates. But both at the same time?” The older man gave a low whistle.

“Shit. They can never break up, can they?”

“Nope. Min Hyorin stands between the fans and their together forever with Taeyang.” The younger man made a noise of disgust.

This was exactly what Jimin had been fearing from the comments on the article. He was sure these men weren’t wrong with their assessment of the situation, but to hear it like this? To have Soohee hear it? His vacant stomach clenched. As the men’s footsteps withdrew, Jimin turned to Soohee.

“That’ll never be us.” Jimin desperately wanted to say more, to comfort her until her face wasn’t so pale or stoic. But the director was calling them back to the set urgently, trying to put them back on schedule after such a long delay. He gave a brief look over his shoulder at her as he hustled away. She did not look remotely comforted.

“Kim Taehyung,” Soohee scolded under her breath. Narae raised her eyebrows in question. Soohee blushed. She hadn’t realized anyone could hear her over the airplane’s white noise. Then again, she had earbuds tucked into her ears and Taehyung’s newest cover blaring in her ears, so she didn’t have a good sense of volume at the moment.

She bowed her head ever so slightly in deference to her supervisor and shrank down into her seat to listen to Hoseok rap about lost love. She still wasn’t sure how his biting words and expertly choppy cadence managed to fit so well over the gentle strains of one of Taehyung’s favorite ballads. All she knew is she hadn’t stopped listening to it all week.

The object of her frustration was seated four rows ahead of her, his head pillowed against her soulmate’s shoulder. She shook her head at the two of them. They were actually both objects of frustration, made clear by the prickling sensation in her sinuses as Taehyung’s voice began his final verse in her ear.

Just hold me, hold me a little. Don’t say anything and please just run to me with a heart that’s nothing but lonely and anxious. I’m waiting for you like this. Soohee gritted her teeth through the last lines. I love you. I love you. In the long silence, a sound comes, screaming from my foolish and weak heart.

Soohee wasn’t in love with Jimin. She wasn’t. But something about this song seared into her heart in a way that scared her, because she could . She clearly saw the possibility, the bend of her heart and emotions toward him, even after such a short time of knowing him. It was soulmate voodoo at its finest and she resented the hell out of it. She didn’t want to be in love with him. She wanted as much autonomy and independence as she could carve out of this messed up situation.

And even if, in her wildest dreams and possibly with a personality-altering head injury, she did want to fall for him, it was a really bad idea. Their lives were about seventeen kinds of complicated, and the situation with Hyorin and Taeyang was quickly teaching her the power of exponential mathematics. The news, which had been mostly supportive of their dating relationship, had quickly soured at the leak about their Bonding (which was all but officially confirmed at this point). And every time Soohee saw a new article or commentary or talking head espousing some new take on the situation, she was vividly reminded of Jimin’s words.

That’ll never be us.

It was a weird rhythmic descant over of the lyrics of Hug Me , mingling with Taehyung’s longing and Hoseok’s desperation to form a burning truth. She and Jimin would never be romantic. His fans would never resent her like the legion of scorned women knocking at Min Hyorin’s door. The fans would never need to, because that’ll never be us .

Jimin had been nothing but kind to her since, which was a little hard to reconcile with the fierce way he’d whispered that phrase. The day had spiraled from there, as he filmed his show and Soohee tried to avoid social media and news outlets on her phone. Just as the crew had noted, the fans went ballistic. A few days later, Sejin and Hobeom had sat the two of them down for a review of the PR plan, which now sported quite a few revisions and addenda. And through it all, Jimin had nodded and talked about protecting her and Bangtan and muttering sympathetically about Youngbae and his girlfriend. That’ll never be us .

Soohee curled her knees up to her chest, her heels catching on the airplane seat just enough to keep them in place. She tucked her face into her legs, taking deep breaths. Of course he wasn’t interested in romance. She’d known it. She’d prepared herself for it. It had been clear from the beginning that she wasn’t nearly as interesting as him or his career, despite being his soulmate.

Of course Jimin wasn’t interested in her . She’d known it two weeks ago, when he’d first told his parents about her, about his soulmate and how they really were. But there was a sick, dark humor rotting her away from the inside, because Soohee hadn’t even gotten a Happily Ever After with destiny on her side. The most carefully constructed and ridiculously complicated system in the universe hadn’t been enough to send her love. When it came to relationships in any form, Soohee lost every time.

So of course he wasn’t interested. He was only her soulmate. It didn’t mean anything.  

Her eyes prickled and her skin tingled. She sighed, mentally kicking herself. She was only this emotional because she was deeply in need of Charge. It had been a long day following a short night, leaving very little time with Jimin (a blessing and a curse). Two things she knew about herself: she would always be a little grumpy when waking up and she would always be a little irrational when hungry. They still had at least four hours left before they landed in Kuala Lumpur. She was pretty sure she couldn’t wait that long. She knew Sejin and the others had swept the cabin for any fangirls, but it was still pretty risky for her and Jimin to show any kind of skinship.

Even if they managed to play musical airplane seats without the other passengers taking note, and even if they managed to feign sleep on one another, it would still be kind of weird for an idol to be that touchy with a coordi. Two weeks ago, she might have considered it, but with the media climate the way it was right now? Fans were asking some very pointed questions about all idols and closely examining their eating habits for anyone who could be bonded (talk about trying to find a needle in a haystack). She wasn’t about to fuel any rumors against one of the most frequently dieting stars.

But she was still stupidly hungry. She unfurled her legs and bit her lip, thinking hard. Narae bumped her shoulder, looking concerned.

“Are you okay?” Narae asked. “You look really stressed out. Are you a nervous flyer?”

“No, nothing like that.” Soohee shrugged. “I’m just hungry. It’s no big deal. We’ll find something when we get there.”

Soohee still hadn’t figured out what Narae knew, she continued to find ways to phrase things truthfully without revealing anything. Narae was either very good at playing dumb, or the rest of the staff severely over-emphasized her status at BigHit. Soohee didn’t understand how someone so involved and respected would be left out of her and Jimin’s secret. But Narae still offered her snacks and encouraged her to join the other cordis when they went out for dinner. Soohee couldn’t take the risk of initiating this particular conversation.

Narae considered her for a long moment. Finally, a small, sly smile spread across her lips. “Man, you’re good.”

“Pardon?” Soohee’s head tilt mimicked her question.

“Seriously, have you ever considered becoming an actress?” Narae chuckled warmly. “I’m sure someone in BigHit knows someone at a talent agency. With a face like that, we could get you into dramas, no problem.”

Soohee was certain she’d never been more confused in her life. Putting a pin in the idea that she had a face that belonged anywhere near a television screen, she had no idea what conversation she was having. Narae rolled her eyes, but her smile was good-natured.

“If I made a comparison between you and that actress Min Hyorin, would you understand what I’m trying to tell you?” Narae pursed her lips and glanced around the seats near them to make sure they weren’t being overhead. “I mean, our Jimin has always borne a striking resemblance to Taeyang, but I never expected the situation to be so mirrored.” Soohee felt like bursting into giggles. Well, that was one problem solved. Probably.

“I don’t know anything about being an actress,” Soohee started, hoping she wasn’t giving away too much if she’d read this whole thing wrong (she tried hard not to think of her mistaken impression of Song Hobeom). She felt oddly like an old school spy, speaking in codes and riddles. She wasn’t sure she liked it. “But I would love a chance to pick her brain on some other topics.”

“That can probably be arranged, actually,” Narae said. “I know a few coordis who work for Park Jinyoung.” Soohee raised an eyebrow. That was highly unlikely and incredibly risky. “But that doesn’t solve your current problem, does it?”

“Wait,” Soohee said, the gears turning quickly in her head. They were still talking in code, but there was something she had to know. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about… a duffle bag, would you? A duffle bag full of clothes from a house out in Seonbuk?”

“I might.”

“Well. I owe someone a very big thank you.” Soohee locked eyes with the older woman and very gently pressed the tips of her fingers to Narae’s arm. “Could you pass it on for me?”

“I will.” Narae’s her eyes danced as she grinned. Soohee couldn’t help but grin back. “Now. I can’t have you fainting before we land. We’ve got to get you some... fuel.”

“I can’t think of a solution other than waiting it out, unfortunately.”

“Well, that lacks a certain level of creativity…” Narae looked at her in mock disappointment. “You’ve worked for us for two weeks and were able to invent an intricate but easy to understand color-coding system for the boys and all of their backstage needs, but you can’t figure out how to get a snack on an airplane?” Narae pursed her lips skeptically in challenge.

“That was easy -- they each have different favorite colors and gaff tape comes in all of them.” Soohee might have sounded humble, but she was actually pretty proud of herself for that one. The idea had struck her when an exhausted Jungkook had tried to put on Yoongi’s pants three days in a row and couldn’t figure out why they didn’t fit. Red and white gaff tape was a lot more difficult to mix up than masking tape with marker scribbles. Though Taehyung’s identifier was less his favorite color and more hers, since Hobi stole the green before he could speak up. But he claimed he liked yellow a lot, too.

“Well, I have a plan that might be even better than that one. Sit tight.” Narae unbuckled and stood quickly, moving forward a few rows to whisper to Sejin. Soohee watched him listen, then nod. Narae resumed her seat next to Soohee but didn’t put her seatbelt. “Go to the bathroom. When you come back, we’ll have it all worked out.”

Soohee bit her lip in confusion but did as she was asked. She used the tiny bathroom and splashed water on her face for extra measure. She eased back up the aisle. It was mid-morning, but most people were fast asleep. She hoped whatever solution the managers had come up with allowed her to catch a nap, too. Narae had distracted her from her heavy thoughts for a moment, but she could feel them crowding back in the longer she was left with them.

She got to their section of the plane and saw her seat was taken by Sejin. She frowned, but he pointed a few rows ahead to an empty seat. Were they really going to let her sit next to Jimin and Recharge? The risk made the hairs on the back of her neck tingle. But she kept walking. Her new seat was at the window, in a row with two of the junior managers. How did this solve the problem? She sighed and began the complicated human jenga it took to get into a window seat in a full row.

She was just pulling her belt across her lap and noting that all her things had been thoughtfully relocated for her when Jimin’s face appeared in the crack between the seats in front of her.

“Hi,” he murmured. Soohee couldn’t hold back a smile. This was genius. “You doing okay? Sejin said--”

“Just a little hungry.”

"How are we gonna--?"

She thought for half a second before a plan became clear. She lowered her seatback tray and laid her head down on it, her left arm curled under her cheek and her right reaching along the wall of the plane into Jimin’s space. Someone would have to look really hard to see anything they weren’t supposed to. And there were two giant managers between her and anyone’s eyes. Slowly, she rested her left arm on Jimin’s armrest. It wouldn’t be much, but it would be enough to take the edge off.

For a moment, she sat there, pretending to sleep and feeling nothing but a slight strain in her shoulder. Then, cautious as he always was when they tried something new, Jimin’s arm settled on top of hers. The buzz of electricity between their skin was a familiar as breathing at this point, but that didn’t change the wonder she felt at the sensation every time.

His inner arm pressed against hers, but his hand hovered over her fingers. She wondered if he’d hold her hand. She wondered why it mattered. Except it did. Constant touch, even sharing a bed, for their health was one thing. But interlacing their fingers was more… intimate. Somehow. Finally, his palm smoothed over the back of her hand, his rings clacking gently against her knuckles before settling flat against her skin. Simple skinship shouldn’t bring her such disappointment.

She used her free hand to tuck her earbuds back in and chose an instrumental playlist this time. She had no use for a love song right now. She drifted off to sleep telling herself things were fine. She was living a good life. She’d found a place she could maybe belong. She had a job she enjoyed, where she was useful and appreciated. She was making friends. There was no reason to ever want more than this.

Chapter Text

Jimin stared at Sejin’s outstretched hand and the plastic hotel room key it held. “My… my own room?” They never slept in singles. That was way more expensive than the company could afford. It had taken over a year before they weren’t crammed two to a bed and four to a room. Now, they typically split into three rooms and somebody drew the short straw to third wheel.

“We had a little room in the budget.” Sejin shrugged. Jimin took the key slowly, unsure if he could trust his luck. This kind of benefit should go to Namjoon. Or at the very least Seokjin. Why would he, of all of them… Oh. Soohee. Of course. Sejin smiled, seeing him get it. “We’ll make sure the spare card... stays safe.” Jimin nodded mutely.

He followed the rest of his members to the bank of elevators. Day flights with time for naps always left them a little rowdy. They had a few hours before their press conference and interview, so now was a good time to let off some steam.

Now was also probably a decent time to Recharge, but Soohee had stayed behind with the other coordis to oversee their gear set-up at the venue. She was quickly becoming Sejin’s right hand. Jimin’s right hand kind of ached from holding it in the same position for the remainder of the flight, but it had been enough of a “snack” that they were both doing fine for the moment.

Jimin boarded the elevator hoping he was right -- she was getting better about telling him when she needed something, but he still didn’t always trust her when she said she was fine. Because now that he was off food himself, he knew exactly how often she should be asking to Recharge -- he felt it as much as she did. He just didn’t seek it out. He’d never refuse her and he still didn’t fully understand the science of it all, but he figured less skinship was kind of like cutting calories.

“Hey, Jiminie.” Taehyung’s breath was warm and uncomfortably close to Jimin’s ear. “Kookie and I are bunking together. Wanna come play in our room?” His fingers dug persistently into Jimin’s ribs. Jimin grunted and squirmed but couldn’t get away from him in the cramped elevator car.

“I was thinking I might take some genuine alone time,” Jimin gasped back. “I don’t think I’ve been alone in months, except for in the shower. And even then, someone is likely to burst in on me unannounced.”

“That was one time!” Taehyung pulled away looking wounded. “...this week.”

“Yeah.” Jimin didn’t even try to suppress his grin. “We have different definitions of privacy, you and I.”

Taehyung nodded, but something shifted in his expression as the bell chimed and the doors slid open. In the scuffle of all of them and their bags spilling into the corridor, Jimin got separated from his best friend and had to jog to catch up, snagging his arm.

“Tae, what’s up?” Jimin peered up at the other as they walked, trying to read him. His face wasn’t entirely closed off, but there were definite walls there. Taehyung just stepped out of his hold to insert his keycard into Room 607. “Tae?”

Instead of continuing toward 609, Jimin followed Taehyung into his room, dumping his own rolling bag just inside the entrance. He heard Jungkook grumble behind them as he accidentally kicked it, but Jimin didn’t care. Taehyung gave him a brittle smile and started to unpack right away. If there were ever a sign that something was not right in Kim Taehyung’s world, this was it. He hated unpacking.

Jimin knew the right buttons to push if he wanted a Taehyung Volcano, but he’d prefer to avoid that if he could. So instead, he kicked off his shoes and climbed onto one of the beds. Jungkook flopped down next to him with a groan.

“My face hurts from the airplane. Always so dry after flying.” The maknae scrubbed his fingers up and down his face. Jimin kicked him lightly.

“Stop that, you know it’ll only make it worse,” he chastised. “Go wash and do a mask. It’ll feel better in a little while.”

“Shit!” Jungkook leapt off the bed and rummaged through his suitcase frantically. “I can’t fucking believe I forgot my goddamned masks. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Jeon Jungkook, language,” Taehyung and Jimin said in unison, their tones perfectly matched in mild boredom. Sometimes, their maknae could be a potty mouth. Even Yoongi had to get on him every once in awhile -- though they all had their suspicions that Namjoon was teaching him English swear words behind their backs.

“Sorry, hyungs.” Jungkook’s tone was identical to theirs, as if no one in the room really cared at this point and only kept up the exchange out of habit. “But what am I going to do? Do you think the coordis have some?”

“I’m sure they do, but you can just take some of mine. I always bring a million, because I never know which one I’m going to want to do.” Jimin lifted a shoulder. He liked having options. “They’re in the front pocket. Actually, chuck me one, too.”

“You’re staying?” Taehyung looked more hopeful than the situation warranted. Jimin narrowed his eyes and Taehyung looked away quickly. Jimin waited. Taehyung sighed. “Alright fine, so it’s no big deal and I know you’re still getting to know one another and I really like her, you know that right?” Jimin nodded, sure they were talking about Soohee but unsure why . “I really like her and she’s cool and I like getting to know her, too. But it’s just… You said nothing would change.” Jimin’s stomach clenched. “And I know it’s only been about a month. But dude, it’s been a month and I just kind of. Oh god, I’m so lame. I miss you, okay?”

Jimin’s mouth fell open a little at this rushed speech. Taehyung was right. Their schedule was tight as it was, and now he was spending all his spare time with Soohee. He’d made a promise, a rash and impossible promise, but he hadn’t even been trying to keep it lately.

“Me, too, hyung,” Jungkook said with a small voice, handing Jimin a foil packet with a snail on the front. Jimin looked up, ashamed. “We get it. We’re not mad or anything. But. We miss you.”

“Sorry, guys,” Jimin said faintly. He could defend himself. He had a lots of reasons and good excuses. But his friends weren’t looking for that. He owed them better, anyway. For a split second, he allowed himself to think of the comforting solitude of his room down the hall, the one he hadn't even seen yet. And then he let it go, turning to the others with a broad smile. “We’ve got at least two hours. What do you want to do?”

Jimin stretched out on the king size bed and stared at the dim ceiling, dumbfounded. He’d never had his own room before and he’d certainly never had a king sized bed all to himself. He was deliberately ignoring the fact that he was going to have to share both these things with Soohee, partially because he needed at least ten more minutes of staring at the ceiling before he’d be mentally ready to deal with the whole alone in a hotel room with a girl thing and also because, well, she wasn’t one of his brothers and therefore didn’t qualify as annoying roommates who hog his space.

Then again, after hanging out with the youngest two, he’d realized he’d actually been missing them all up in his space. When he looked at everything that Soohee had been through and given up for their Bond, he knew he’d had comparatively little disruption. But things were still a lot different for him than they’d been a month ago. He felt strangely removed from Bangtan, a feeling that was uncomfortable and foreign. Sure, he’d frequently felt a little bit behind the rest of them in the past. But he’d still always been one of them. It was good to reconnect a little.

He was just debating with himself about how badly he needed a shower after their dress rehearsal at the venue (they’d run through the whole set like always, but there’d been more breaks than usual, so he wasn’t all that sweaty), when he heard a gentle knock on the hotel room door. He’d already said goodnight to the other members, so it had to be one of the mangers with last minute instructions for the morning. He rolled off the bed, deciding in that moment that he was probably fine to just wash his face and fall into bed. He swung the door open a few inches and blinked at Soohee in the brighter light of the hallway.

“Hi?” she said tentatively.

He quirked his mouth to the side and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you have a key?”

“Shouldn’t you let me in?” Soohee’s eyes darted up and down the empty hallway. Jimin jumped into action, pulling the door wide and tugging her inside.

“This is why they gave you a key.” Jimin checked the hall one more time before closing the door firmly. He turned to Soohee, who looked a little lost. “They did give you the key, didn’t they?” She nodded but bit her lip and looked at the floor. “Noona?”

“It’s just weird, okay?” she said defensively. Jimin cocked his head. She rolled her eyes, and Jimin was reminded of the first time she yelled at him. “Your company handed me a key to your hotel room, where we will be staying. Together. Alone. For the first time, really truly alone. I just… I don’t know what the protocol is, okay? I thought knocking might be the polite thing to do.”

Jimin stared at her for a second, then burst into laughter. He could practically see her walls coming up, so he choked back his last chuckle and reached out for her. She unconsciously moved back, and he let his hand drop before it got awkward.

“No, it’s fine. You’re right. It’s super weird when you put it like that .”

“What other way is there for me to put it?” Soohee crossed her arms, but her face held more challenge than embarrassment now. “My boss is covering for me while I slip down the hall and spend the night with an internationally famous idol? For our health?”

Jimin groaned, but his laughter returned. “Oh god, this is kind of fucked up, isn’t it?” He shook his head when she just shrugged, both grinning. “I’m sorry.” He hadn’t meant the phrase to come off so serious, to ruin the playful mood. But he still meant it. She shrugged again, this time her face softening just a little.

“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s not your fault?” Soohee poked him lightly in the chest, surprising both of them. She hastily added, “Like it or not, we’re in this together. The blame game will always be a tie. And I don’t know about you, but I’m too tired to try to break it tonight. Want to crash?”

“I should at least wash my face,” Jimin said, feeling the light crust of dried sweat on his forehead as he wrinkled it in thought.

“Me, too.” Soohee sighed deeply, put out. Jimin looked at her in question. “All you idols are giving me a complex. You take such better care of your skin than I do. I’m growing a healthy dose of guilt.”

“We live by our skin.” Jimin shrugged, unsure what else to say. Her skin was fine. It was nice, even. Not that he’d really thought about it all that much.

Soohee went to the the corner of the room, where she unzipped a suitcase he hadn’t noticed earlier. She pulled out pajamas and a small kit of cosmetics. Looking suddenly hesitant, she slipped into the bathroom.

“I’ll just be really quick…” She peered at him through the gap in the door for an instant before snapping it closed. True to her word, she opened the door less than thirty seconds later, clad in pale blue linen pajama pants and a coordinating tank top. His brain reminded him helpfully that blue was his favorite color. She turned the water on in one sink and motioned for him to use the other one half a meter down the counter from her.

The bathroom was practically palatial, probably a little larger than most of the hotel rooms he’d shared with two or three of his members in the early days of Bangtan. There was a walk-in shower and a bathtub, and a whole other small room for the toilet (a concept Namjoon had once eloquently mused was “basically a closet for you to poop in”). Plus the aforementioned double sink. Jimin was lucky that he’d thought to change into shorts and a tank top before she arrived, so he didn’t have to displace her or hide in the poop closet to change.

He took up his spot at the second sink, pulling his face wash out of the small bag already next to it. He couldn’t really remember putting it there, but at this point he had such a routine when entering a hotel room that he didn’t even really register the motions he went through. They both turned on the water and leaned down at the same time, knocking elbows.

Muttered apologies later, they were scrubbing their faces and rinsing quickly. Possibly too quickly, since a decent amount of water sloshed onto the stone countertop. Looking up in unison, they both reached for the hand towel on the center ring, fingers clashing and eyes blinking through dripping water. Soohee stepped back just as Jimin motioned for her to take the towel. Seeing he was going to get nowhere, he grabbed the towel and handed it to her. She bowed slightly before wiping her face. He tried to step around her to get to the other towel, but with her face covered she wasn’t aware of his movements. She tried to step out of his way blindly but only managed to bump directly into his chest. He grunted at the impact.

“Sorry, I was--”

“I just--

“You go--”

“No, it’s okay, I was going to--”

“Let me do a--”

Jimin paused, then looked her in the eye pointedly. She froze obediently. He leaned around her and plucked another towel off the rack behind her. The instant he had it, she stepped back, nearly melding with the wallpaper. Jimin gave her a small smile as he cleaned the drips off his face and neck. And chest. The delay had caused more migration than usual.

He shook his wet shirt away from his body, then (thinking about it but not really thinking about it) he pulled it over his head and discarded it next to his rehearsal clothes on the floor. She looked away so quickly, he nearly thought someone or something had entered the room and caught her attention. Her face turned away from him allowed him to see a few pearls of water along the side of her neck. Without thinking, he reached out and dabbed at the moisture with his towel. Her eyes snapped back to his, wide and uncertain. He stilled, his towel still pressed gently against her throat.

“Sorry, I was--”

“No, I just didn’t--”

“You can--”

“It’s okay--”

Jimin chuckled low in his chest. Soohee gave him a small smile as she stepped away.

“We don’t usually do this, do we?” Jimin asked.

“No.” Soohee rehung her towel on the rack and turned to him. “There isn’t enough room in the bathrooms at the dorm. And the others are always in there.”

“Taehyung and Hoseok swear they don’t take that much time getting ready, but they really do. Such divas.” He pulled a funny face. Soohee laughed just as he hoped she would. “Are you done in here?”

“I just need to--” Soohee stopped, her hand hovering over a toothbrush on the counter.

“Brush your teeth?” Jimin asked, surprised. Soohee looked up at him with an expression like a shrug. “Do you still do that? Do we still need to? I’ve been meaning to ask Dr. Mun about it. I tried to keep up with it at first, but the toothpaste made me want to vomit. Who knew mint could be so repulsive?”

“Yeah,” Soohee said sheepishly. “It’s a habit, I guess? But I just use water now. I figure we breathe in all kinds of awful things during the day, so I still like to do something. But yeah. Toothpaste might be the worst thing I’ve found yet.” She shuddered, and Jimin’s lips curled in sympathetic distaste. “Besides, I wasn’t sure what the rooming situation would be and I didn’t want the other coordis to think I was foul.”

Jimin couldn’t keep in his chuckle. “Soohee, you think too much.” She blushed and turned back to the sink, wetting the toothbrush anyway, though he was almost certain he heard her mutter something like don’t I know it around the toothbrush before she was otherwise occupied and couldn’t answer his responding grunt of question.

For lack of a better thing to do, he took out a comb and worked on the hairspray snarls still in his hair. They’d wash away with his morning shower and weren’t really bothering him, but he had the odd impulse to stay in the bathroom with her until she was done. With one final and not-so-delicate spit into the bowl of the sink, she was finished with her preparations for bed. He dropped his comb back into his cosmetics bag and started to follow her out.

He wasn’t used to having a longer step than anyone else, and he wasn’t entirely sure of the physics of it all when he thought about it later, but they somehow they managed to bump shoulders in the doorway. In their haste to give one another space, they both overbalanced and nearly went tumbling to the ground. Jimin caught her around the waist with one arm while his other hand gripped the door frame. As he pulled her close to keep her upright, her hands landed on his bare chest. The skin-to-skin contact was nicer than he was willing to admit.

“Sorry, I was--”

“Let’s not start.”

With high color and shifty eyes, they both made their way out of the bathroom and into the rest of the suite. With the bathroom light off again, the whole room looked cozy and intimate in the glow of a single lamp. Jimin watched Soohee eye the bed with trepidation, but exhaustion was tugging at the corners of his mind. With a giant fan event and the concert tomorrow, he wasn’t willing to let a little thing like awkwardness come between him and his much-needed rest. So he ignored her hesitation and crashed directly into the middle of the mattress.

He flopped around ineffectively for a moment until he managed to find a grip on the top hem of the covers, pulling them back. He must have looked at least as comical as he intended, because he heard a tiny giggle escape from Soohee’s mouth. He didn’t look at her directly but still caught her small huff of resignation before she clambered onto the bed from the other side.

She wriggled across the giant bed to lie down next to him, only a few centimeters away. He noted the way she left just enough space for him to make the choice for both of them. There was no other reason for her to be in this room tonight -- they could both be securely tucked into their own spaces if not for the need to Recharge -- so he pulled her close with one hand gently on her hip and the other sliding almost effortlessly under her head in lieu of the pillow.

It felt more right than anything they’d done all evening. The wrangling in the bathroom was forgotten as they settled into familiar poses. The warmth and comfort of Charge splintering and rejoining between their skin, along with the even breathing that came from finally feeling like they knew what they were doing, lulled him so quickly he was sure they’d fall asleep with the lamp on.

“Hey Jimin?” Soohee’s whisper was almost inaudible with her face pointed away from him and her voice softer than he’d ever heard it. He instantly perked up, afraid to miss anything she might need from him.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

There was a long pause of silence. Soohee stretched out of his grip but only enough to hit the switch above the headboard. The room fell into instant darkness, the city lights outside barely pushing through the heavy curtains. Jimin somehow knew he was about to hear the truth. Soohee was never more honest than in the dark when he couldn’t see her face. He felt her bare shoulders re-anchor themselves to his bare chest and was momentarily distracted.

“For letting me in? I don’t even know. I just. You didn’t have to let me become so much a part of your life and you did and Bangtan is amazing and BigHit… Well, I’m starting to believe you all when you say you’re a family and-- That’s just really cool to be a part of. So... thanks.”

“I didn’t--” Jimin paused. A million excuses and reasons and truths bubbled up his throat, ready to set the record straight. He hadn’t chosen anything. There hadn’t been a conscious choice to let her in or any deliberation about keeping her on the outside. She was his soulmate. Of course he’d let her in. But before he could say any of this, she was whispering again.

“I know I’m not.... Well, anyway, it probably wasn't an easy adjustment for you or your brothers, so thank you.”

“You’re welcome?” Jimin didn’t know what she was looking for, but he knew it wasn’t any of the words he was preconditioned to give. “And. Well. Thank you for… everything. You’ve done so much for us, too.” The weight of her head became heavier on his arm. He chanced a peek over her shoulder in the gloom. His eyes had adjusted enough that when he couldn’t find hers, he knew it was because they were closed. “Seriously, when I think about what I've had to ask you to give--”

“Whatever, Park Jimin,” she mumbled sleepily. He peered at the back of her head in the darkness. “It’s always a tie. We should call a truce now. It’s going to save us a lot of apologies later.”

Jimin smiled. He felt her deep exhale against his bicep, a sure sign she’d left consciousness. Still, he whispered, “Truce.”

“So are we good to go?” Soohee asked, glancing down at her clipboard. It was stupid, but she felt incredibly official with her clipboard and ID badge, the one that allowed her access to every single part of the arena Bangtan was performing at tonight. The tech nodded and she smiled, thanking him. She turned to head backstage, her pre-concert checklist finished. She still couldn’t believe Sejin and Narae and the others trusted her with these kinds of things. They weren’t big things, like security or anything, but they were still important. She loved being useful, so she wasn’t about to turn down an assignment. But this entire job was pretty surreal.

Soohee turned when a voice called her name. She saw Dongwon, one of their roadies, on the other side of a disassembled set piece from another show. “What’s up?”

“We can’t find the water bottles.”

“What? There were about a million of them stacked behind the partition on stage left last night during rehearsal.” Soohee motioned vaguely to the other side of the stage. Dongwon lifted his right shoulder carelessly.

“Yeah, but we used them all.”

“There were more than ten flats of them!”

“We go through more water than you’d believe, miss,” he responded. Soohee’s surprise must have shown on her face, because he chuckled. “Seven boys, at least four bottles each during just the dress rehearsal? Plus all the staff? Roadies, tech guys, stage hands? It adds up fast.”

“But… Then why didn’t we bring more?” Soohee was already doing another math problem involving how many minutes until this venue was filled with screaming fangirls and how long it would take to find a store that sold the quantities they’d need to finish out the night. Bangtan could not perform without water. Soulmate skinship might be able to save Jimin from the worst side-effects of dehydration, but it wouldn't save the others.

“We did,” Dongwon said. “Or at least, we usually do. But nobody can find them. I thought maybe you’d know, but--”

“I don’t, but I’m going to find out.” With a decisive nod, she spun on her heel, calling over her shoulder, “Thanks for letting me know. I’ve got this covered.”

“Thanks, Soohee, you’re the best!” Dongwon called after her. She could tell by the scraping and grunting noises quickly fading behind her that he was already back at work moving something where it needed to be. She was grateful she wasn’t required to do too much heavy lifting.

Her job still involved a lot of activity, though. The venue was technically a small one, only 2,300 seats. But Soohee’s calves already ached from running around it all day helping management deal with all the last minute issues that always come up with a concert of this magnitude. She wasn’t too proud to admit how overwhelmed she’d been when she’d first walked in. The arena might have seemed even larger at the time, after being cooped up on the plane and in the van with the coordis and a ton of equipment. But a little over 24 hours later, she knew it like the back of her hand. The hallways and staircases that felt like a maze at first were pretty easy to get the hang of when she realized the entire place was just a giant rectangle.

Now, she skittered down the stairs with speed and efficiency. What she lacked in grace, she made up for in flair. Or so she told herself, as she gripped the railing with one hand and swung into the hallway below the stage, landing on both feet at once. Most of the venue’s storage was down here, along with the dressing rooms, green room, and staff lounges. It took her nearly twenty minutes of popping into rooms, tossing out questions, and trying to remember where everyone on staff had been yesterday before she located the crate of another twenty flats of water bottles in a closet they shouldn’t have even had access to.

And everyone she talked to had a message or item for her to carry or find along her way. She felt like a heroine on an epic quest by the time she tapped a button on the walkie on her belt and signaled Dongwon with the location of the water. She was also able to tell him Kyungho was looking for him about replacement LED bulbs for one of the lighting structures on the back of the stage.

Then she switched channels to let the tech booth know Jiseok had fixed Namjoon’s monitor pack, which she was on her way to deliver to him in the green room. She did not tell anyone she’d accidentally run across Mijung and Myungsoo in the middle of what looked suspiciously like a lover’s spat. The coordi and the assistant manager were never anything but professional when on the clock, so she wasn’t going to say a word.

She was in need of a water bottle herself by the time she reached the chaos of the green room, fifteen minutes before venue doors opened. She was glad to see there was still a substantial stash on the snack table, so the boys hadn’t gone without while she was on her trek. She cracked one open and took a long pull from it before she handed Namjoon his monitor pack.

He muttered his thanks, his face buried in a book, and set it on the table next to him. She sighed, rolling her eyes more at herself than him. She should have known better. She scooped it back up and secured it to her belt. He looked up at her confused. She smiled back gently to soften her words, though she spoke firmly.

“You can have this back when you’re ready to put it on. I’m not tracking it down again and Jiseok says you’re not allowed to drop another one for at least a week, okay?”

Namjoon ducked his head sheepishly. Self-deprecating or not, his grin still brought out his dimples, which he probably knew had a charming effect.

“Sorry, noona.”

She sighed again and give him an indulgent smile back. She was getting used to being called noona by the hyung line backstage, despite their age differences. It seemed like more of a job title than a familiar term for them, because it never happened at the dorm. She’d started to wonder if they kind of forgot her age while she was bossing them around. She didn’t mind too much either way.

“Do you want my help with it?” she asked, softening against her will. “Or would you rather I hang on to it until we’re closer?”

“I’ll put it on now. Jiseok is probably going to want to do a final check while the hall is empty.” As if his words had summoned him, her walkie squawked with Jiseok’s voice.

“Soohee, could you send Rap Monster to the stage?”

“He’s on his way,” she said into her mouthpiece, handing him the pack with a pointed look. He immediately lifted up his shirt and secured it to the strap around his abdomen. It was impossible to miss his exposed skin and muscles. She looked away respectfully, but not before noting two important things: 1. He was keeping some really good secrets under those “fashionably” baggy shirts, and 2. He still had nothing on Park Jimin.

Which reminded her. She and Jimin hadn’t really seen each other all day. She was still feeling fine on energy. Whenever possible, the boys’ concert day schedule was specially constructed to accommodate a full eight hours of sleep (if they chose to take advantage of it), so the two of them had gotten more Recharging time than they’d ever had before, outside of her forced bed rest when they first met. But still, it would probably be nice for him to have a slight boost before the enormous workout of a concert. Like carbo-loading, but with more awkward hugs.

Her eyes skittered around the room, doing a habitual headcount. She only reached five, so she started again. Taehyung and Jungkook were looking at something on an iPad and giggling like children. It made her smile. Yoongi was in the far corner, lyric notebook perched on his knee and pen moving fast. She rarely saw him or Namjoon without the little moleskine journals. Seokjin and Hoseok stood square in the middle of the room, doing a truncated and sped-up version of some choreography. She watched for a few seconds and determined it had to be Tomorrow.

“Where’s Jimin?”

Hoseok and Seokjin looked up at the question, their arms frozen mid-air as if imitating birds. She felt a small smile tug at her lips. They both dropped their limbs at the same moment, chuckling lightly.

“We’re about an hour out?” Hoseok looked at the clock on the wall, then nodded. “He’s probably in the bathroom. He’s always had a nervous stomach before going on stage.”

Soohee bit her lip. She could feel herself blushing, even though it was totally stupid. They were all adults. But it was still embarrassing to talk about. Seokjin looked at her in question. She cleared her throat.

“We don’t really need to… do that anymore.”

“Oh. Right.” Seokjin let out his typical squeaky giggle, his hand covering his mouth. “That’s. Yeah. Sorry. Then he’s probably with the chairs.” Hoseok nodded as if this made perfect sense. They looked like they were about to return to their practice.

“The chairs?” Soohee raised her eyebrows.

“Well, mostly just the bed now that we don’t do the chair part in Just One Day ,” Hoseok said, nudging Seokjin’s shoulder. Seokjin rolled his eyes and nodded. Soohee looked at them, no more informed than she was before. Hoseok smiled gently. “He always checks the bed that we use during Blanket Kick .”

“He’s kind of obsessed with it.” Seokjin’s voice held more teasing than condemnation. “I don’t think he likes that choreo very much -- doesn’t feel safe or something. He seems fine when I climb up there with him when we’re performing, but he still checks it before every concert. So he’s probably up in the wings right now.”

Soohee’s curiosity was piqued. She allowed them to get back to their task and slipped out of the room. She needed to make sure the water bottles had made it to the stage anyway, so she might as well go see what Jimin was up to. This kind of neurosis didn’t jive with the fearless boy she knew. And if he truly didn’t feel safe, management should do something.

She crested the stairs at stage left, just in time to hear Jimin’s voice ringing out. She turned toward him but not before seeing Dongwon disappear behind the partition with a hand truck full of cases of water bottles. Another thing checked off her list.

“It was wiggling during dress. The bolts all need to be tightened.” Soohee followed Jimin’s voice to the other side of a curtain, where he was speaking to one of the guys from the set team. "This happens every time we travel."

Soohee didn’t want to interrupt so she stayed back, but her curiosity kept her from walking away. She’d never heard him speak to staff quite like this. His voice was still unfailingly kind and respectful, as always, but he was more authoritative than she’d ever seen before. The staff guy answered him in a lower tone, but Soohee didn’t catch what he said.

“I know, but Taehyung and Jungkook can get really rowdy during this song. If this isn’t sturdy when they jump up on it, they could get really hurt. They don’t think about stuff like this, they just play.”

Jimin grabbed the frame at the head of the bed and shook it. Even from Soohee’s vantage point, it looked unstable. The guy nodded back at him, crouched down to get a better look at the joints.

“And this chair?” Jimin continued, picking up it up and turning it over. “See this sticker? This is Rapmon-hyung’s. It’s reinforced. He only sits in it for a minute, but he’s not... easy on furniture. So this one needs to be in his spot. Don’t forget, okay?”

Soohee’s heart warmed considerably, watching him take care of the others like this. Seokjin had no idea. Or maybe he did -- these boys had very few secrets from one another. She’d have to think that over at another time. She watched with growing affection as Jimin nudged his toe on the floor and relaxed a little.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so pushy.” He bowed deeply to the other man. “You’re working very hard. Thank you. I just don’t want the other members getting hurt.” The older man nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, muttering something. Jimin nodded and backed away to let the man work. He inadvertently headed straight for Soohee.

Soohee thought about covering or pretending she hadn’t been eavesdropping, but the notion only lasted for a few seconds. She figured someone should notice this and comment on it.

“Hey, Park Jimin,” she called out. He looked up abruptly. Seeing it was her, a hesitant smile appeared on his face and he came closer expectantly. “You’re a good guy. Your members are lucky to have you.”

His response was immediate and noticeable. In the dim lighting of the backstage, she couldn’t see a blush on his cheeks, but she instinctively knew it was there. His grin and hunched shoulders were enough to tell her she’d accomplished what she set out to do.

“Thanks.” He bit his lip. The motion did nothing to stop his smile. “Safety first. Safety second.”

“Coolness third?” Soohee asked, repeating something she’d heard Jungkook and Taehyung say a lot in the dorm.

“Something like that,” Jimin replied. “Hey, did you need something? Are you low on Charge?”

“Actually, I came to ask you the same thing,” Soohee said. Jimin motioned toward the stairs and she nodded. They fell into step with one another as she continued in a lower tone, keeping her eyes peeled for eavesdroppers like the one she’d just been. “I don’t really know what an idol needs before a concert, but I figure you can’t grab a regular snack for a quick hit of energy, so I thought I’d offer some skinship instead.”

They reached the basement hallway and started toward the dressing rooms. “I think I’m okay for now, actually.” The hallway was vacant, but he still kept his volume down to match hers. “Thank you, though. That’s very thoughtful of you. It’s the first concert after Bonding, so I guess we’ll learn as we go. But I never eat before a performance. Too nervous.”

Soohee swallowed a smile, thinking of what Hoseok had revealed earlier. She wondered how Jimin's nerves would manifest now that his organs didn’t function the same way. He already avoided skinship enough, so she hoped he wouldn't go on a worse fast before concerts. She hadn't missed how prominent his collarbones had become. 

They entered the greenroom at the same time that Taehyung went crashing across the couch. Jungkook looked guilty but also kind of smug. Seokjin's lips were pursed in disapproval (or maybe withheld laughter, it was hard to tell out of context). Hoseok was nearly on the floor in giggles, but Yoongi was still in his own world in the corner as if the rest of them didn't exist. Soohee looked around for an explanation. Instead, all she got was Namjoon popping in the door on the other side of the room with a tangle of cords around his neck and chest and a plaintive, "Noona, I need you!"

Chapter Text

In the midst the typical swarms of fans at the airport, Soohee looked forward to the relative quiet of the Bangtan van. Traveling with Bangtan was overwhelming in so many ways. She and the rest of the management team shadowed them fairly closely through the hordes. Her instinct on the first leg of this trip was to stay well back from the boys to avoid any untimely photos or questions. But it was too chaotic to do anything but huddle together and move quickly.

The male staff were in charge of crowd control to an extent, though they had the help of both airport security and the private guards they always hired for large public spaces like this. Soohee and the other women usually just kept up a mantra of “Stay back, please! Thank you!” in a kind but firm voice. Occasionally, she’d need to raise her arms to create a visual barrier, but usually her voice was enough.

When they finally got to the sidewalk, where their vehicles were already waiting, Narae tugged her away from the boys and their van. Soohee supposed they didn’t really need to Recharge on the drive home. Even though the night after the concert was much shorter (and later) than the one before, they’d had plenty of time together after Jimin had finally come down off the adrenaline of performing and Soohee had come out of her daze of having witnessed her first Bangtan concert ever,  from backstage .

She was a little surprised, however, when Narae got into the driver’s seat of a small sedan. Soohee looked around and realized there was no one else with them at this end of the line of vehicles. She tossed her small bag into the trunk next to Narae’s and climbed into the passenger seat. Narae fiddled with the AC while they waited for a taxi to get out of their way. Being part of a celebrity entourage was not enough to save them from the frustrations of airport traffic. If anything, it just made it worse.

“So,” Narae said, smoothly navigating the loops and turns of the terminal exit pattern and leaving Bangtan still jostling on the sidewalk as they loaded into their van. “We need to talk.”

Soohee’s stomach sank and her mind raced. That phrase was like a magic spell for fear. Maybe she’d misunderstood their talk on the plane out to Malaysia. Maybe Narae hadn’t actually known her secret. Maybe Soohee had given it away and caused huge trouble for them all. Or maybe Narae still didn’t understand and was about to scold her for not coming back to their shared hotel room for the night. Soohee had thought having Narae as her roommate for the trip was her cover with the other staff, but maybe--

“Good lord, child, calm down. I can feel your panic from here.” Narae snorted, rolling her eyes. She switched lanes with ease. “You’re not in trouble. Goodness.” Soohee bit her lip sheepishly.

“I’m just…" Soohee breathed out to calm herself. "There’s so much pressure, making sure no one finds out. I didn’t really believe it was that big of a deal until all the Taeyang stuff.” Soohee stared blindly out the windshield. “I heard some fans are talking about boycotting Big Bang’s next release in July.” She shuddered. Big Bang would weather the storm. They were big and established and successful as individuals and as a band. It would be fine after the storm died down. But Bangtan wasn’t there yet.

“I know, it’s a lot to juggle,” Narae responded. “And you’ve been doing amazingly well. But that’s actually what I wanted to talk with you about.” Soohee twisted in her seat a little to stare at Narae’s profile. “There’s one area where we’re being a little careless and it needs to be addressed. Especially with all the scrutiny right now. Your sleeping arrangements.”

“You mean at the hotel? Because I know it was kind of risky, but I don’t know when else we could have Recharged. I was really careful every time I went to the room. I wasn’t…” Her stomach dropped again, the near-dead organ still able to respond to her emotions. “I wasn’t seen, right?”

“No,” Narae said, taking her eyes off the road for a second to fix Soohee with a firm look. “For one thing, it’s pretty unlikely you’d be unaware if that happened. But two, we wouldn’t keep that from you, okay?” Soohee nodded. Amazingly, she really did trust these people. “The hotel is risky, but we manage it. We’ve always got extra security when we’re traveling and we pay a lot of money for the hotel staff to stay quiet about anything they see while we’re staying there. No, the bigger risk is the dorm.”

“What?” Soohee tilted her head in confusion. They had even tighter security at the dorm, with more established protocols and fewer exposure points. Narae just nodded solemnly. “How?”

“Well, you’re probably not going to be seen sneaking in and out, and with you on the payroll, it gets easier to explain. But, Soohee, look at it realistically. You’re a single young woman spending every night on the couch of the apartment of seven young men. Like it or not, it just looks bad.”

Soohee debated on whether to correct Narae on her sleeping location. She decided it would sound even worse out loud. But her mind still fed her the image of Jimin, without a shirt and with his face smushed into his pillow. How someone could be so sinfully delicious and angelic at the same time was a mystery to her, but he did it with aplomb. She shook herself mentally and refocused on the conversation at hand.

“If people find out I’m sleeping there, the problem is not going to be that there are seven of them,” Soohee replied. “It’s going to be about a 21-year-old Bonded idol and his fan-slash-soulmate.”

“Well.” Narae snorted, her lips curling in sardonic humor. “My point is, we’re going to protect that secret at all costs. So if they don’t have that explanation, all they’re going to see is you and all seven of them. And they’re not going to have any other plausible explanation to draw them away from the kinds of conclusions that sell magazines. And while that’s pretty terrible press for them, it looks even worse for you. You get that, right?”

It didn’t even take the space of a single heartbeat for that truth to sink deep into her soul. No one would care that she was really just sleeping there. No one would care that not a single member of Bangtan would lay a finger on her, in force or in romance. No one would care what it was , only what it looked like .

In the best case scenario that she could think of at the moment, Bangtan would come off as a bunch of (possibly lucky, possibly disgusting) playboys. And she would be labeled a whore. The worst case scenario was something she didn't want to consider the world thinking of either party, though she knew the media would be more than happy call her a victim and accuse Bangtan of all kinds of things. She also knew that from the outside and before she’d gotten this close to them, she would’ve probably made the same assumptions.

She groaned. She wanted to rail against a society that presumed the worst, especially of celebrities and of women in general. But, like it or not, this was the world she now lived in. She was chagrined to realize that it was the world she’d always lived in -- she just saw it more clearly now.

“We didn’t really plan for this, you know?” Narae continued after a while. “None of us have dealt with the Soulmate thing before, so we weren’t sure how it would all evolve. But we didn’t really anticipate you… well, you’ve basically moved into their dorm, right? And let’s be real, you’re not sleeping on the couch anymore, are you?”

Soohee blushed furiously. “It’s not-- We don’t--”

“I know. I’ve seen how you two are. I know there’s nothing but sleeping going on,” Narae placated. Somehow, it didn’t help, but not for the reasons Narae might have thought. “But it’s still a problem.”

“Are you saying I need to go home at night?” Soohee bit her lip to keep in the million arguments she wanted to make. She knew Narae wasn't the problem here. She knew her boss was looking out for her. But it all felt impossible to fix, so the words still tumbled out of her mouth. “There’s barely enough time to Recharge as it is. I don’t know when we’d make up the time. And it’s even worse if Jimin comes to my house -- he’s the one followed around by cameras, not me. So we just, what? Quit Recharging at night? I don’t know how--”

“No, I’m not saying any of that.” Narae navigated the car off the highway and into the busy streets of Gangnam. “It’s just time to rethink our strategy a little bit. As we were planning this trip and the hotel arrangements, it became really clear how much we’re leaving ourselves open to disaster here. We’re pretty sure we came up with a good solution, but we wanted to run it by you first.”

“Does Jimin know about all this?” Soohee asked, suddenly wondering why they weren’t talking about this at the office together, like all the other PR Plan meetings.

“He’s having the same conversation with Sejin in the van right now, just with his members as an audience.” They pulled into the dorm building’s parking garage. Narae turned off the engine. “We figured you’d rather have the privacy.”

“Thanks.” She meant it. Talking about the risk she posed to Bangtan’s future and reputation, in front of all of them? She couldn’t think of many things more uncomfortable. She tried not to think of the fact that they were experiencing a similar conversation three miles behind them on the road, since at least she didn’t have to witness it. She climbed out of the car and pulled her bag from the trunk, handing Narae hers in the process. “So, what’s the solution?”

“Upstairs.” Narae nodded toward the bank of elevators.

Soohee followed her into the elevator and back out again several floors up. Soohee paused outside the boy’s door, juggling her bag and purse so she could punch in the code. She remembered they’d changed it right before they left and searched her brain for the new one. She looked up, as if the code was written in the air, and saw Narae continuing down the hall.

“Where are you going?”

“The solution,” Narae said with a secretive grin. “Come on.”

Soohee hustled toward her, passing what she knew was Sejin’s apartment door on her way to join the older woman in front of a third apartment. Narae punched in a code on the door and swung it wide, clearly inviting Soohee to proceed her. Soohee searched her brain, not for a code, but for any recollection of Narae in the building before today. She had no idea she lived across the hall, but this must be her place.

Soohee stepped inside and toed her shoes off. The small apartment (a one-bedroom from the looks of it) was very sparsely furnished. There were no personal effects to be seen, just a pretty standard couch and chair set. There was also a simple table and what looked like basic shelving units secured to the walls, though she couldn’t see into them through the frosted glass doors. All in all, it looked like a living room stolen out of an Ikea catalogue. The minimalism didn’t jive with what she knew of Narae with her bangle bracelets and chunky necklaces and general bohemian vibe, but this career kept them all away from home often enough that maybe decorating wasn’t really worth it.

“What do you think?” Narae asked, motioning around the room in invitation for Soohee to look around.

“It’s nice,” Soohee replied. It was. It was barebones, but they were good bones. In a building like this, she’d expected nothing less.

She hadn’t been out of her last job for more than a few weeks, but it felt like lifetimes ago. And yet her brain started an automatic tally of features and amenities, totaling the rental price without her permission. As she moved into the living room, she could see down a very short hall to one bathroom and one bedroom, with a galley kitchen off to the side. A stock photo of a mountainscape caught her eye on the far wall.

She stopped. She knew that photo. She’d worked with a subcontractor to furnish apartments for showings or as an added benefit to the renter. This framed art was part of their basic package, so now the Ikea-ness of it all made more sense. Her calculations altered a bit.

“Have a look around,” Narae said. “The other--” She was interrupted by the code chiming on the door. Sejin and Jimin entered from the hallway. Soohee was a little surprised Sejin would know the code to Narae’s personal apartment, but after running into Mijung and Myungsoo last night, she’d rather stay in the dark about the secret lives of management.

“How’s it going?” Sejin asked easily. Even so, Soohee could see he was asking more than a casual question. Narae lifted a shoulder.

“We chatted in the car, but I was waiting for you for this part.” Narae raised her eyebrows at him, and Soohee understood once more why everyone on staff said Narae was really the one in charge. She just let the rest of them believe they had power. Soohee kind of wanted to be Narae when she grew up.

“So, what do you think of the place?” Sejin asked, turning toward Soohee. Soohee furrowed her brow. Why did they care so much what she thought of Narae’s apartment? It had been a long flight and she was tired of small talk. She was ready to hear this solution Narae had talked about.

“It’s fine?” Soohee looked at Jimin for help, but he looked as lost as she felt. “I don’t mean to be rude, but is there a reason we need to be in your apartment for this?”

Narae snorted and rolled her eyes at Soohee. Soohee frequently got the impression she entertained the older woman, though she wasn’t always quite sure how.

“This isn’t my apartment,” Narae said. “It’s yours. Well, it can be, if you want it. This is the solution we came up with.” Narae shot a look at Sejin as if to say this is your job, dude , but Soohee wasn’t paying them much attention anymore.

It was actually the perfect solution. If being on staff gave her an excuse to be around all the time, living in the building gave her even more cover. They could deny any rumor of her staying over by saying she had her own place across the hall. And with Sejin next door and other managers on other floors, they could just call it company policy.

It made a lot of practical sense, too. She wouldn’t need to inconvenience the other boys anymore -- Jimin could just come over and Recharge here. The others could have their space back and their freedom to wander around their boxers again. (They all thought they’d managed to retreat and cover up before she caught sight of them during those first few awkward days and Soohee planned on letting them continue to think that.) And she would have some privacy without having to travel across the city to get it. Her weekly treks home to do laundry and pick up new things were getting old, though the hall closet in the dorm had made storage a little easier.

It was the perfect solution. And a beautiful apartment. There was just one problem.

“I can’t afford a place like this,” Soohee said, looking around wistfully.

“You don’t need to,” Sejin responded. “It’s just part of the deal.” Soohee frowned at him. She didn't like how much money BigHit had already spent on her. “I don’t pay for my apartment. It’s a requirement of the job that I’m close, so they pay to make that happen. The company sees this as the same thing.”

“No, it’s way too much money. You guys are already paying for my travel and extra hotel rooms -- we all know if I were a regular coordi, you’d only have gotten three rooms for the boys, not four. This apartment is way too expensive to be a perk of my position.”

“It’s not that expensive,” Narae hedged.

Soohee knew this was the perfect solution and she was the only thing standing in the way, but she just couldn’t. It was too much. Too much dependence and too many blurred lines between personal and professional and too little ability for her to recover from the debt of it all. There had to be a different, more workable solution, because she knew exactly what this place cost and it was definitely too expensive.

“Soohee, how much is it?” Jimin asked. They were the first words he’d spoken since walking in behind Sejin. Soohee blinked at him, nearly squirming under his laser-like focus. She hated when he did that, when he turned all his attention on her. She felt like she had nowhere to hide. “You told me once that you could guess the rent of a place within 10,000 won, with only the street name as reference. How much?”

Soohee couldn’t believe he remembered that. She barely remembered telling him. It’d been sometime during their first week together, right after she’d gone back to work. She stared at him for a moment. No one ever remembered things she said or details about her. It was one of her defining features, being forgettable. And yet Park Jimin just remembered something completely insignificant.

“I haven’t seen the bedroom yet,” she started faintly. She cleared her throat, her chest feeling too tight for reasons she didn’t want to explore at the moment. “So I’m only guessing on the measurements, but I’d say it’s about 60 to 62 square meters. I’m leaving off the deposit, since the company probably gets a good deal on key money, but factoring the furnishings, the monthly rate is probably…” Soohee chewed on her lip in thought. The amount she finally quoted made Jimin’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline. Narae chuckled appreciatively and looked at Sejin for confirmation.

“We get a corporate rate,” Sejin said grudgingly. Soohee almost felt bad for him, because she knew it would make his life so much easier if she would just agree to live here.

“That is the corporate rate.” Almost felt bad. “Unless you've got some really juicy blackmail on the owner or you have something like a twenty-year lease, it’s not going to go much lower than that.”

Narae snorted and clicked her tongue at Sejin. “I told you she was good.”

“Whoa.” Jimin grinned at Soohee in disbelief, shaking his head. Sejin sighed and made a noise of agreement. Jimin whistled low. “That’s a lot of money.”

“It’s a really nice neighborhood,” Soohee replied, lifting one shoulder. She wondered what he’d say if she told him what the apartment across the hall cost the company. She had a pretty good idea, though the added security features he probably barely noticed definitely raised the price in ways she herself couldn’t entirely compute.

“Listen, Soohee, I know you don’t like it, but this is the best option,” Sejin said. “You didn’t ask for any of this and you could probably find a much cheaper and more comfortable solution if the company’s priorities weren’t keeping this a secret. We’re the ones making the demand, we should incur the cost to get what we want. I swear it’s not some kind of special treatment.”

Soohee felt a little exposed by his words, realizing he’d read her so clearly. She truly wanted to make this easier on everyone. But the idea of living rent-free in Gangnam while the company paid her to do a job she wasn’t even truly qualified for, just because of a stupid quirk of fate? It was more than a little uncomfortable.

“Soohee,” Narae said, her tone direct and her expression business-like. “No one is going to force you to live here, but if this were the only option and we had to make it work, what would it take for you to feel like it was equitable?”

And this was why she liked Narae. She got straight to the point. Soohee thought about the question for a long moment. There was no way for any of this to feel equal. She would always be unbalanced and at a disadvantage to a company, to Bangtan. To Jimin. But she could try to even the scales just a little.

“Stop paying me.”

The two men squawked indignantly. Jimin actually took a step forward as if to argue. Narae just nodded, like she was considering the proposal.

“I’ll work for room and board. It’s still not enough, but it’ll feel a little better.”

Jimin and Sejin looked like they wanted to argue, but Narae just said, “We can’t stop paying you, but we can reduce your salary. Like a cost-share.”

It took another ten minutes of haggling (with the occasional interjection from Jimin) for Sejin, Soohee, and Narae to settle on a number that they were all satisfied with. Well, none of them were exactly satisfied, but it was a livable compromise.

“The place comes furnished and already belongs to the company, so it’s move-in ready,” Sejin said. “So you just need your stuff. We already have a moving company on standby, so we’ll get them out to your house tomorrow.”

“Oh! Um, yeah.” Soohee mentally ran through Bangtan’s schedule for the next few days. They were mostly out of the public eye, prepping for the rest of the tour and filming another MV. She could probably find some time to pack up what little she had. “I’ll go over tonight and start packing, I guess.”

“They’ll pack for you, so don’t worry about it. You just need to be there to supervise what you want to take,” Sejin said, tapping Narae on the arm and motioning toward the door. “We’ll give you a chance to look around and see what you’ll need. Jimin, dance practice in an hour.”

Without another word, they left the apartment. Soohee turned wide eyes on Jimin, who looked as overwhelmed as she felt.

“Wow,” he said after a moment.

“I know! An apartment? What--”

“No, I mean, wow, I’ve never seen someone negotiate themselves out of a salary before.” He let out a huff of a chuckle and shook his head. “You always surprise me.”

Soohee smiled with all her teeth in an intentionally awkward way and jerked her shoulders in a high shrug. Jimin laughed outright, then. She joined him a second later, the giggle settling her nerves a little. It hadn’t been a confrontation, per se, but she hadn’t been entirely comfortable since she’d stepped out off the plane.

Slowly, she spun in place, taking in the room with new eyes. This was her home now. Her own place. A thing she’d only dreamt about. Having an idol for a soulmate was like winning the lottery in so many ways. It made her uncomfortable to think she might be capitalizing on that at all, but there was no way she could have secured this place on her own. She’d just have to work harder to make sure she deserved it.

“Will your parents be okay with you moving out?” Jimin asked hesitantly, still hanging out by the front door. He hadn’t even taken his shoes off yet.

“They won’t even notice,” Soohee said over her shoulder, ducking down the hall to peek inside the bedroom. There was a bare queen size bed, a nightstand, a bookshelf, and a small desk and chair. It was perfect!

Next she glanced into the bathroom. It was about the size of a postage stamp, but it had a full-sized tub. She clapped her hands gleefully. She hadn’t had a long soak in forever. She’d thought about taking one in the hotel last night, after Jimin had finally succumbed to a deep, exhausted sleep. She’d talked herself out of it in under five minutes, feeling stupidly self-conscious about taking that liberty even though she knew he wouldn’t have cared. He probably would have said the room was as much hers as it was his, but the only-child in her still couldn’t get used to how much sharing they did. But here, in this apartment with this bathtub, she was free to do whatever she wanted. It was all hers. She walked back out with a smile on her face, but it faded as she took in Jimin’s scowl.

“What?”

“Your parents won’t notice if you move out?” His voice was very even and controlled. Soohee knew his temper was just on the other side of that calm. She sighed. “I know you said they’re... unengaged with your life, but…”

Soohee was again surprised that he remembered, not that her parents weren’t normal (that was one of the only things people didn’t forget), but that he remembered her exact phrase. She’d chosen it very carefully, because she didn’t want to give him a bad impression of them. She wasn’t sure why she bothered, since they didn’t really deserve such care. 

“Jimin, I’ve heard from my parents exactly once since you and I Bonded. It was last week. My mother texted because she couldn’t find her favorite sweater. She didn’t even say thank you when I told her where to find it.” Soohee shrugged. “They’ve never asked about you. They’ve never checked on me. They don’t care about where I go or who I’m with. Why would it matter if my stuff is at their house or not?”

Chapter Text

Jimin stared into the large mirror in front of him, shifting uncomfortably in the stylist’s chair. She was off somewhere mixing the chemicals to change his hair, but it wouldn’t be long now. He tugged at the strands of brown hair sprouting from his scalp with trepidation. They’d never done anything extreme with his hair before -- that was usually Taehyung and Namjoon’s thing. Since before debut, Jimin had slid along a short spectrum from his natural black to a lightish brown, sometimes with an auburn tint, but generally something pretty natural looking. It was maybe a little safe and boring, but he was perfectly fine with that.

But now it was time for a new concept and the stylists had plans for him. They had plans for several of them, actually. He turned to look at Yoongi, who was half-asleep in the chair next to him. Jimin was pretty sure his hyung would smack him if he voiced his thoughts, but he was really going to miss Yoongi’s pink hair. It was a good look for him, even if he did complain it made him look too soft for a rapper. Jimin personally thought Yoongi could wear a teddy bear costume and no one would question him the second he began his verse to Cypher Part 2 , but Yoongi might have disagreed.

From the sketches they’d gotten a quick look at yesterday, it seemed like Taehyung was the only one who wasn’t undergoing much of a change this morning, just a few highlights and some more texture. His best friend was currently on the other side of the salon playing with the owner’s puppy Sangdol. Kim Taehyung could not resist a baby or a pet. Or any animal, really -- Jimin remembered his friend’s glee when they’d visited the zoo in Kota Kinabalu.  Jimin heard Sangdol yipping and felt a flare of mild jealousy. Taehyung would be done in less than an hour and could go rest somewhere or go home if he wanted to. Or spend the day harassing the noonas and the dog. Jimin was in for several hours in this chair. His was by far the most complicated of the concept. Plus, Jimin liked animals almost as much as Taehyung did and Sangdol was one of his favorites.

The noona returned with the bowl of bleaching solution. It was extra large, since they planned to use it on both him and Yoongi. Jimin braced himself. He was no stranger to the tingle of hair dye and ammonia on his scalp, but he knew from Namjoon and Yoongi that bleach could be a whole other sensation.

A half hour later, head wrapped in plastic and foil, he had to admit he’d over-anticipated. It was mostly just itchy and annoying. He needed a distraction. Yoongi had somehow managed to fall asleep on a couch off to the side, his head wrapped similarly. Namjoon was writing some lyrics in his notebook, headphones in and metaphorical walls up. Jungkook had taken the one low-schedule morning they’d had in weeks to go to school for a change (Jimin had no idea how he was balancing it all). The other three were all in the chairs and occupied. Jimin thought about getting one of their cameras and harassing them for a Bangtan Bomb, but he wasn’t really feeling it.

He knew it wasn’t just the new hair that was making him feel unsettled. Soohee wasn’t at the salon, which was oddly off-putting even though it'd only been a few weeks since she’d joined them full-time. She was busily supervising her move into the new apartment. He was actually pretty relieved -- it gave him and his brothers some of their space back, kept her close and safe, and established some normalcy for all of them -- but it was still so weird. A month ago, he didn’t even know her name and now she lived across the hall.

Also, now he had the wildest urge to go to her parents house and channel a little bit of Yoongi’s acerbic wit to let them know just what he thought of their indifference toward their daughter. There were a lot of good reasons he refrained, but the biggest was that Soohee’d made it clear he wasn't allowed in that part of her life. Her comments yesterday clearly asked him to back off that particular topic. With as often as they spent their time together outside of her comfort zone, he had to respect the boundary she was setting. Now that he knew she willing and able to push back when she really disagreed with something (he was still amazed at how calmly and smoothly she’d negotiated last night), he was less concerned about prodding her until she exploded with her real feelings. But he still wished she’d share them.

He plopped onto the bench at a large work table, where the managers had set up camp. Sometimes, Jimin gravitated toward Sejin and the staff when he was feeling unsettled or strangely directionless like this. They’d basically been Bangtan’s parents since they debuted, so it was comforting to be near them. Especially when he’d spent the morning thinking of his own parents (in contrast to Soohee’s). He was a little homesick.

Sejin glanced up from his laptop with raised eyebrows. Jimin lifted a shoulder. One corner of Sejin’s mouth quirked up in an indulgent expression. Jimin knew the manager had a soft spot for him and wouldn’t send him away if he stayed quiet. Jimin watched him work silently for a few minutes before something on the screen caught his eye.

“Hyungnim, is that about me?” Jimin motioned toward the article Sejin was reading.

“Hmmm?” Sejin said, still more focused on his tasks than Jimin. He blinked, then twisted a little on the bench to face him more directly. “Oh. Yeah, it’s just general media monitoring. Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Why are they talking about me?”

Jimin knew there was a whole host of news he and the others never saw. Most of the time, they all preferred to stay in the dark about whatever the netizens had to say, unless it affected them directly. The staff kept tabs for them and let them in on the things they needed to know. But it was rare for Jimin to garner any individual press. Sejin sighed and seemed to debate with himself for a moment before turning the screen fully toward Jimin.

“Everyone’s going pretty crazy over the soulmate stuff, just like we expected. This is just another article speculating about who could be Bonded. It’s nothing right now.”

“Nothing? My name is on a list of idols who could have soulmates and you think it’s nothing?” Jimin was trying hard to keep his voice level. He trusted his company. He trusted Sejin. But he was now sufficiently distracted from the discomfort on his scalp and his homesickness.  

“It’s a long list right now, Jimin,” Sejin said. He wasn’t dismissive or curt, but he truly seemed unconcerned. “They’re drawing their conclusions from who they haven’t seen eat in a while. You diet a lot, so you’re kind of an automatic for this list.”

“All idols diet a lot,” Jimin mumbled, feeling petulant at being singled out. He scanned the article quickly. Apparently, someone had examined all of Bangtan’s press footage and Bombs and appearances and hadn’t found proof of Jimin eating since mid-May. It was true, of course, since that’s when he went off food for good. But it’s not like they couldn’t find similar stretches of time in Bangtan’s history, since the public didn’t see them every single day unless they were promoting.

In the end, it didn’t seem to matter, since the commentary quickly devolved into talk about his abs and how thin he was looking these days. They seemed to believe he couldn’t be Bonded, since it was impossible to be anything but the picture of health once you started soulmate skinship. Jimin snorted, turning the laptop back to Sejin. Neither of them were really surprised by this madness, but it did get Jimin thinking.

Sejin and the rest of management might not be concerned right now, but there were cameras in their faces all the time. It was part of Bangtan’s popularity to produce massive amounts of backstage content and feel accessible to the fans. And with ARMY’s sleuthing abilities, he was sure his eating habits would continue to be examined and speculated about. This issue was bound to come up again . No matter how much Soohee stayed out of the spotlight, they could still get caught pretty easily because of this.

A timer went off on the other side of the room, the faint beeping stopping at the same time a noona called his name. He followed her to a sink and sat down, tipping his head back into it, still thinking about how to dispel these rumors for good. After several rinses and lots of scrubbing (Jimin’s favorite part of any hair treatment was when they massaged his scalp), the noona finally let him up. She tousled the drips away, then wrapped the towel around his head and lead him to the chair Taehyung was just vacating with his own foil-and-plastic-wrap helmet of beauty.

Taehyung grinned at him and hovered nearby to get a first look at his hair. Yoongi shuffled up to the chair next to him, which Seokjin was still occupying. There were drips seeping out of his towel and down his disgruntled and sleepy face, but Yoongi didn’t bother to swipe them away, just glared at the wall and seemed to regret any life choices that led him to consciousness at that moment. Jimin would have known he spent the night in the studio again just from looking at him, even if he hadn’t run into him coming at 5:30 in the morning on his own way out to the gym.

The noona untwisted the towel on Jimin’s head and scrubbed to remove most of the moisture. Then she whipped it away and turned to grab a comb. Jimin stared at himself in the mirror.

Blond.

He’d never been blond before. Taehyung peered at him in the mirror in shock. Seokjin made a small impressed noise, but not the fake one he used for the cameras. He was actually impressed. Hoseok leaned around him to see from the third chair, making similar pleased sounds (just at a much higher volume). Yoongi looked up dazedly at the noise. Surprise crossed his face, and he nodded slowly. The noona turned back around.

“Huh.” She combed out the tangles, turning his head back and forth to see all the angles. She called out to the head stylist, who bustled over. A few of the other coordis followed in her wake. “It has potential, right?”

The women talked for moment, bending his head this way and that, swooping the damp hair up, then parting it back down. Jimin ignored their schemes for future concepts and marveled at the look in the mirror. He actually really liked it. He was kind of amazed, since he’d been so worried about the color they’d chosen, but this was even more extreme and he was okay with it. Eventually, everyone scattered back to their tasks and the noona began preparing her things again.

By this point, Yoongi was back in the chair next to him, the blond more familiar on him from the last time they did this process. Then again, it had only lasted a few minutes before they’d put the pink on top of it. This time it would stay for the entire concept. Jimin’s blond quickly disappeared under the skillful hands of the noona, a coating of red paste making him look almost alien.

While the other three waited for their dye to set, Namjoon finally made it out of his self-imposed exile to receive his new color. He hadn’t had anything all that new since they started the Boy In Luv era, just variations on a theme (aside from that week and a half of neon red hair last winter that none of them really talked about), so Jimin was interested to see how different this one would be.

A while later, he was less concerned with his leader’s new look and more worried about his own. He held his tongue when the noona pulled off the towel after his second rinse and conditioning. He listened wordlessly to the others’ positive comments while she cut and styled it. He didn’t even speak when she declared him done and sent him over to the couch for a rest before they started on his cosmetic concepts.

It was red.

Really, really red.

The noona had called it hot pink , but all Jimin could see was a deep reddish fuchsia. Everyone else seemed happy with it. The stylist had proclaimed it the a perfect execution of her vision. Hoseok had pinched his cheek and cooed at him. Seokjin had pretended to fall in love with him, hand clutched over his heart. Namjoon had grinned at him and teased him about stealing all the girls’ hearts.

Taehyung couldn’t stop running his fingers through it, although that wasn’t unusual for a normal day without new hair. Yoongi hadn’t been 100% conscious since his haircut had finished, so Jimin wasn’t sure what he thought of it. Jimin didn’t actually know what to think about it himself. It was just so red. He couldn’t really form any opinions beyond that. If identifying a color could even be counted as an opinion.

There was no going back now, though, so he put it out of his mind for the moment. One of the managers needed to go to the company offices, so he offered his three open seats int he car to the group. Jimin was done, but he knew Yoongi needed sleep (although he'd likely end up back in the studio instead), and Taehyung and Hoseok had been waiting longer. He waved them off dismissively and found a quiet corner to be in until the next car was ready to go.

He looked at a couple things on his phone and  found he could generally forget anything had changed with his hair if he wasn't focused on it. Instead, his thoughts strayed back to that article. He fought the urge to type is own name into the Naver search bar, but he couldn't help but thing that the easiest solution to quell both rumors -- that he wasn’t taking care of himself well enough and that he was Bonded -- would be to eat something on camera. He’d quit food before the taste had changed much, but Soohee’s vehemence about her experience was not something he would quickly forget. And if the taste of toothpaste that one time was anything to go off of, he really didn’t want to find out for himself.

But keeping their secret was more important that his comfort. Hell, ARMY was more important than his comfort. He’d done worse for less. He just needed some practice.

“Hyung, do you have any snacks?” Jimin asked Seokjin in an undertone, feeling oddly guilty as if he was breaking some kind of rule. Seokjin looked up from his phone a few meters away.

“Jimin, it’s nearly lunchtime.” Seokjin rolled his eyes. “I swear you maknaes would eat every-- Wait. Jimin?” Seokjin looked around the room and lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. “You don’t eat anymore.” Jimin snickered.

“I'm aware. But I might need to on camera someday.” Jimin raised his eyebrows pointedly. Seokjin nodded slowly. “So. Snacks? Come on, hyung, I know you’re always packing.”

“If you’re just going to spit it out or throw it up, I’m not wasting my precious food on you.”

“Hyung, please? I’ll buy you new snacks. I need to do this now. You know there are going to be a million cameras on us tomorrow while we’re waiting to film the MV. We always record everything. And I need to kill some rumors.”

Seokjin sighed and reached into the pocket of his sweatshirt, producing a packet of shrimp crackers, a small banana, and a protein bar. Along with what looked like 47 pairs of chopsticks. Two years ago, Jimin might have asked, but now it made complete sense. Or as much sense as anything in Bangtan did. Jimin selected the shrimp crackers with trepidation and thanked Seokjin. He was going to return to his spot on the other side of the room, but Seokjin grabbed his wrist and tugged him down next to him.

“If you’re going to do this, you need to be convincing.” Seokjin pursed his lips as if daring Jimin to argue. “I have acting experience. I’ll help.”

Jimin rolled his eyes but obediently tore open the corner of the package. He sniffed it cautiously. It still smelled right, enticing even. Shrimp crackers had never been his favorite or anything, but they used to be enjoyable.

“Here goes nothing.” He took a deep breath and popped one in his mouth. He’d intended to chew it as quickly as possible and swallow, but the second it hit his tongue he had many regrets. He gagged and forced himself to chew, but it only made it worse. “Oh my godddd.”

“What?” Seokjin stared at him in horror as he flapped his hands and grimaced and tried not to retch. “Is it really that bad or are you practicing a different kind of acting? Because I think you might be overdoing it a bit.”

“Hyung,” Jimin whined around the tiny mouthful. He honestly wasn’t sure he could force himself to swallow it. “It tastes like cardboard that puppies have slept on. But only if the puppies had rolled in rotting fish caracsses first. And then died. It tastes like dead fish puppies on cardboard.”

“Well. That’s vivid.” Seokjin snorted himself into a barking laugh. “Seriously, Chim, you should give that to Namjoon as a lyric. He was just saying he needs new material.”

Jimin whimpered, his eyes watering. He spit the sodden foulness into his hand and ran to the trash can. He’d need a liter of water to rinse that taste out of his mouth. He also needed to apologize to Soohee for pushing her so hard that day he asked what transmutation was like for her. No wonder she yelled at him. She probably should have sworn at him more.

“Jimin, come back.” Seokjin’s laughter had subsided to occasional giggles, though his eyes still danced with mirth. “It was just the first try. It was shocking, that’s all. Try again.”

“No.” Jimin shoved the packet into Seokjin’s hands. “I can’t. That was awful.”

“Okay.” Seokjin shrugged. “It was your idea anyway.”

Jimin sighed. It was his idea. No one was going to make him do this. But it was the perfect solution. And if Soohee could turn her whole life upside-down (without complaint) to keep their secret, he could at least do this. He groaned and reached for the crackers again.

It took six tries before he was able to swallow a bite instead of spitting it out. As soon as he did, he knew it was coming back in a few minutes, but he decided to keep that information to himself. By the time he was able to put a cracker in his mouth without looking like he was being murdered, Namjoon had joined them, ready to go but distracted by Jimin’s antics. It was this scene that Jungkook walked into, still wearing his backpack.

“Whoa, hyung,” Jungkook said, staring at him. Jimin must look a mess, with his eyes watering and sweat breaking out on his brow from simply chewing a singular bite. “That’s… red.”

Jimin had forgotten about his hair. This was not a ringing endorsement. Jimin made a face at the maknae and resumed chewing. But the thought of his hair proved to be just distracting enough that he was able to swallow with a straight face. Seokjin cheered while Namjoon clapped him on the back. Jimin felt the four crackers that had made it into his stomach jostle with the movement. He excused himself and dashed off to the bathroom.

He was still feeling a little queasy and crampy when they got back to the dorm. He’d have to keep that in mind if and when he did this on camera. It was going to be a steep price. One he’d willingly pay if it meant protecting Bangtan and Soohee, but it did factor in. Despite the June heat, they were all wearing hats on the off chance that a fan or paparazzi were nearby as they unloaded into the building, making Jimin feel all the more uncomfortable. Seokjin probably wouldn’t draw much attention, but he and Namjoon looked dramatically different.

Soohee was just coming out of her apartment with an armful of collapsed boxes when they arrived on the elevator. She smiled and waved and disappeared into the trash room. Seokjin and Namjoon went into the dorm, but Jimin stayed in the hall to make sure everything was going well with the move. He hoped she was getting settled, both in the space and with the idea of the company giving her so much.

She stepped out into the hallway, dusting off her hands. Her short hair was sticking to the back of her neck and her shirt held smudges of dust, so she must have been working hard. Jimin still had a terrible taste in his mouth, so he figured they could both use a glass of water.

She let them both into her apartment. Jimin blinked at how different it looked from yesterday. The furniture was all the same -- from the living room at least, it didn’t look like she’d brought any new pieces. But there were personal touches all over the place. There were knickknacks and cheery curtains and framed sketches on the wall. One of them looked suspiciously like seven boys sitting on a railcar, but before he could look closer, she handed him a glass and snapped her fingers.

“So, let’s see it,” she said. Jimin looked at her in question, taking a long drink. She twirled a finger toward his beanie and pretended to look impatient. “I was told you were all getting makeovers this morning. Show me what they did to you.”

Jimin felt like squirming. He was maybe starting to really dislike the new color and dreaded showing her. The others were required to be nice to him about concept changes (he was pretty sur ethat was somewhere in their contract), but she was a fan and somehow her opinion had become important to him. She tapped her foot but smiled wide to show she was joking.

“You’ve seen the sketches, right?” He didn’t know why he was stalling, since she already knew what was coming.

“Nope. Nobody told me a thing. It was all worked out before I started and I've been off duty for moving.” She smirked at him and, before he knew what she was doing, reached up and plucked the beanie from his head. The red hair cascaded out and fell in gentle waves, aided by a lot of expensive products.

“Oh,” she said in shock. Jimin’s already uncomfortable stomach twisted at her reaction. “Ohhhh.” Her tone and expression changed like a wave sliding up the shore. The shock disappeared and a grin slowly spread across her face. “Wow! That’s-- God, you look incredible.” Soohee’s eyes widened and she pressed her lips together firmly, a faint pink tinging her cheeks. “I mean, it’s nice. Really… yes, good.”

Jimin blew out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He bit back a grin, his stomach suddenly feeling just fine. This was better than any reaction he’d hoped to get from the Shirtless Game he’d been playing lately. Soohee cleared her throat and moved swiftly back to the kitchen.

“More water?” she called hoarsely from around the corner.

“I’m good, thanks.”

All day, she’d been avoiding Jimin. Both in her thoughts and in actual physical space, although the second one wasn’t intentional. She’d ridden up to Paju in the coordi van early, to help prepare the warehouse for their MV shoot. She’d still been working at her old job when they’d filmed their new Japanese single (which was due to drop any day now), so this was the first time she’d ever been behind the scenes on a video set. The amount work and people it took to pull something like this off was stunning.

They boys had arrived a hour or so behind her, but all of her tasks had kept her in another part of the giant structure. When she heard the music blasting over the loudspeakers on repeat, she knew they must have started filming, but she was too busy organizing and running around to catch more than a glimpse of the bright lights and moving camera rigs.

She hadn’t seen the other six since before they left for the salon yesterday, so she was looking forward to seeing the transformations they’d undergone (judging by Jimin’s hair, she was not prepared for what awaited her). But the second she was free to sneak closer and catch a bit of the action, she’d been sent out with two others to pick up dinner. Now, she re-entered the warehouse laden with bags, dodging cameras, equipment, and props as if she’s been navigating this world her entire life. She knew that since she held the food, she’d finally get to see the boys.

It felt good to miss them, because it meant that they were getting their space back and she was settling into her new routine. Last night, she and Jimin had spent their first night in her new apartment. It was weird at first, like the hotel. But they made it through. It was just another new normal to adjust to, along with Jimin’s red hair and his excellent memory and his devastating shirtlessness.

Being away from him all day had helped her stay distracted, to keep all her confusion and her affection and her suddenly unavoidable attraction at bay. But it wasn’t enough. She knew she was losing this fight, despite her determination from the plane and all her conviction on the phone with Eunha. The magnetism of her Bond with Jimin was so strong. 

Now she knew exactly why she hadn’t given Jimin more attention when she’d been merely a fan. She was certain it had been subconscious self-preservation, because now that she was focused on him, she couldn’t stop. Couldn't stop looking, stop wanting, stop caring. And she hated it. She took a deep breath, reminding herself of all the ways Jimin had made it clear that their Bond was only platonic. Reminding herself of all the reasons she didn’t want to fall for her soulmate anyway.

But every wall and barrier she’d managed to build up throughout the day absolutely crumbled when she rounded the corner into the back room. She stopped short, blinking at Jimin, who was in a makeup chair all the way across the space. She thought she’d gotten at least a little bit used to the red hair the night before, but a few hours of work away from him had apparently dulled her memory. God, he was gorgeous.

“Noona!” Taehyung strutted over to her, his long legs clad in blue-grey plaid shorts that matched his blazer. Soohee narrowed her eyes at the red bow tie around his neck and the floof level of his hair. He caught her scrutiny and lifted a magnifying glass. “I’m Detective Conan!” He pulled a few poses, his face clearly daring her not to get it.

“I see…” she said diplomatically. He frowned at her less-than-stellar response and she laughed. “You look… like a puppy.” She reached up and patted his fluffy hair, surprising herself with how easy the action was and kind of enjoying the liberty. He pouted at her (though she caught the way he leaned subtly into her hand), lowering his eyebrows fiercely. “An adorable puppy,” she amended, dropping her hand and grinning at him.

“Okay, noona, whatever. Did you bring more snacks? Jungkookie ate all of mine.” He pouted harder, bringing his hands up to do aegyo, though the effect was kind of ruined by the large prop in his hands. He peered at the bags in her hands and danced excitedly. “Ooooh, did you bring us real food?”

“Yes, Detective Puppy, I brought you dinner.” He followed her to the table, much like the puppy she joked he was, and watched eagerly as she laid out the containers. When he reached for one of them, she smacked his hand. “Be patient. Myungsoo and Yerim are bringing in the rest. We’ll have everything ready in a minute. ”

Just then, Jungkook appeared next to them, reaching for the food. Taehyung batted his hand away in an imitation of Soohee’s gesture and repeated her scolding. Soohee was barely listening, though, as she watched Jungkook remove a nightstick from the belt of his police uniform to pretend to threaten Taehyung. She wasn't entirely sure she was breathing properly.

The two boys headed toward the door, presumably to harass Myungsoo and Yerim into moving faster. Seokjin stepped up next to her, watching her watch them walk away. He tilted his head and scrutinized her hands, which were frozen halfway through unpacking a bag.

“Soohee, are you okay?”

“Why is he a cop?” she asked faintly, unable to engage her brain-to-mouth filter. “And why is his hair purple ?” She stared after the two youngest, seeing the way the straps of Jungkook’s unhooked shoulder holster swung loosely around his hips. “He is a baby , Seokjin, not a member of law enforcement. Someone needs to give him a Pikachu plushie and a blankie and send him off for a nap.”

Seokjin barked out a laugh. She realized she was being ridiculous and turned to him with a blush but froze again. After the light brown of the I Need U era, this darker hair was a very good look on him. But the white coat and stethoscope were more believable than she would have expected before this moment. He grinned at her knowingly, doing a little twirl to give her a better look.

“What do you think, noona?” He pulled up the resonator of the stethoscope and huffed a breath on it to warm it before pretending to clean it on the shoulder of his lab coat. Soohee shook her head, smiling indulgently and trying to ignore the new title from someone older than her. “I’m a very handsome doctor, right?”

“The handsomest I’ve ever seen.” She patted him on the shoulder. “What else am I in store for today? Already, I feel assaulted by these costumes.”

“Joonie’s in a military uniform and Hobi’s a racecar driver. I haven’t seen Yoongi yet, but I think he’s going to be a firefighter.” Seokjin looked off into space in thought. Soohee tried not to think, because her brain was now supplying her with the image of Yoongi in a white t-shirt and suspenders. “You’ve seen Jimin, right? We were all wearing his outfit earlier. He’s an office worker.”

“Not yet.” She felt a foreboding. Office worker didn’t sound all that threatening. It was a pretty normal outfit. But as Seokjin got called away by another coordi, she knew it wouldn’t be that simple. She could already see a flash of fuschia hair coming toward her in the crowd. Jimin bumped into someone, then bowed and murmured his apologies. He turned to Soohee, hesitating a few meters away from her. She definitely stopped breathing this time.

He looked like he could be her coworker at her old company, someone who would have the cubicle across from hers and who she’d bump into in the office kitchen when refilling her coffee. It was so normal, so innocuous that it made her rethink everything. For a split second, he wasn’t Park Jimin, vocalist and dancer for Bangtan Sonyeondan. For a split second, he could have been Park Jimin from accounting.

For a split second, he could have been attainable.

Her heart did incredibly rebellious things inside her chest. She cleared her throat and looked away quickly, forcing her eyes to take in the makeup chairs, the piles of equipment, the general chaos of a film studio. Anything to remind herself where she was and who he was. Who she was.

“Hey,” Jimin said, eyeing her warily. She knew she looked a little shellshocked. She schooled her features as Narae slid in next to her to finish laying out the food. “How’s it going?”

“Great!” Her voice was a little too bright, because she’d just noticed his gorgeous ombre eyeshadow. It made him look sultry, which was exactly the last thing she needed right now. She desperately needed a distraction. She should probably help put out the food, but she couldn’t stop looking at him. “You doing alright?”

“ I’m fine.” His tone clearly conveyed that he thought she was the opposite of fine. Before either of them could make any more awkward headway, Yoongi bounced in, his usual sleepiness replaced (at least for the moment) with excitement over the MV shoot. Soohee made a garbled noise in the back of her throat. “Oh. Yeah. I forgot to tell you. He’s… blond now.”

“I see that,” Soohee choked out. “This is fine. I’m fine. I’ve just. I’ve gotta go... somewhere else. For a little bit.” She turned to Jimin with wide eyes, feeling a familiar irreality -- something she hadn’t felt since she’d watched I Need U with them a few weeks ago. It was honestly the best distraction she could have asked for. “How the hell are you all so beautiful?”

“Superior genetics and a really good BB cream,” Narae said blandly, leaning around Soohee to set a stack of napkins and chopsticks on the other end of the table. Soohee nodded numbly, stepping out of her way. “Min Yoongi, you’ve smudged your makeup. Get your butt in that chair.”

“Yes, noona!” Yoongi waggled his eyebrows at Soohee and Jimin, as if to mock Narae’s power over him. But still, he obeyed promptly and sat incredibly still and straight-backed. Soohee wasn’t sure the firefighter dress uniform was any less horribly attractive than the turnouts and boots she’d been imagining.

“What do Namjoon and Hoseok’s hair look like?” Soohee asked Jimin in a dramatically choked voice. “Do I need to prepare myself any more?” Jimin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling at her antics.

“Nah, I don’t think so. Hyung and I have the most drastic changes.” Jimin looked at her skeptically. “But I never know.”

“Never know what?”

“I never know what you fangirls are going to lose your minds over.” Jimin’s bewildered smile softened the accusation. “We actually play a game sometimes, take bets on what’s going to be The Thing each comeback. We’re usually only about eighty percent right.”

“Well, I can guarantee you it will be Yoongi’s hair and Jungkook’s outfit this time. Bare minimum.” Soohee nodded decisively. Jimin’s mouth tightened a fraction, and Soohee’s heart squeezed. Without knowing how she knew, she understood exactly what he was responding to. “Not to mention your hair, which… God. I have no idea how ARMY’s going to survive this one, to be honest.”

Jimin looked away, toward the floor, but Soohee could tell he was pleased. She saw the way he fought to keep a full blown grin off his face before schooling his features and shrugging as if it didn’t matter. She marveled at this discovery (though how she’d missed it before made little sense in the face of how obvious it was) of both his need for affirmation and how little it took to satisfy him. He just wanted to be seen . The familiarity of this knowledge burned in her gut, but she didn’t have time to examine it.

For now, she had a job to do. She finally turned to help Narae, feeling guilty and out of sorts. She hadn’t even noticed that the rest of the food had been dropped off. She called the other boys to the food and stood back as they swarmed the table. She pursed her lips when she saw Jimin take a container, too. She watched him join the other members at the low table in the middle of the seating area. He looked up at her, and she raised her brow. He nodded toward the space next to her and she realized there was a PD with a camera.

They were filming a Bomb. Or behind the scenes stuff. She should have guessed it. There was always a camera around, either in the hands of a PD or a coordi (and very frequently in Jimin’s own hands -- these boys knew how to harass one another). It would be conspicuous for him to be the only one not eating. But that still didn’t completely explain why he’d peeled off the plastic on his bento box, snapped his chopsticks apart, and brought a bite to his mouth.

Instead of eating the bite, though, he pulled out his phone and snapped a selca. Soohee rolled her eyes at herself, thinking she’d been overreacting. Until he popped the bite his mouth. She knew from experience that this would not end well. She could tell by the tightness around his eyes and the way he wet his lower lip with his tongue that he didn’t want to be doing what he was doing, but the signs were subtle enough that the camera probably missed them.

Unfortunately, the camera couldn’t miss the wrinkled nose and watering eyes that came as soon as he started chewing. He swallowed valiantly and smiled at the other members, but it was weak and strained. There was no way the footage was useable. Fans would wonder if he was ill.

Soohee’s stomach clenched in sympathy as he tried again. She had no idea why he thought he needed to torture himself like this or why being at the table with chopsticks and a bento box wasn’t enough. All she knew was this was about to end in vomit. And sure enough, less than five minutes later, Jimin hurriedly excused himself and slipped out of the room.

She stared after him until she caught Namjoon looking at her with an inscrutable expression. When their eyes met, he nodded slightly, just a fractional tilt toward the door Jimin had escaped through. It was both permission and a request, and Soohee was more than happy to oblige.

“Hey,” she said softly, catching Jimin on his way out of the bathroom. “You okay?” He smiled weakly and nodded, as if he hadn’t just basically poisoned himself. Soohee wasn’t going to play along. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?” he asked, not meeting her eyes. She glared up at him and he took a tiny, reflexive step back. It broke the tension and they both smiled. He put his hands up in surrender. “Some fans are asking questions about my eating habits. I’m just trying to protect us.”

“Oh.” Soohee ground her teeth together, frustrated with herself for not seeing the obvious. “Of course you’ve got to protect Bangtan. But can’t you do it some other way? Fake it or something? Protecting your career can’t come at the expense of your health.”

“Soohee.” Jimin looked at her strangely. “I’m trying to protect us .” He motioned between their bodies. “Well, Bangtan, too. But I meant you and me us , not Bangtan us .” It was Soohee’s turn to take a small step back. “This is a price I’m willing to pay to keep our secret and keep you safe.”

He shrugged, as if this was the most simple thing in the world. As if this shouldn’t be news. She nodded dumbly. Taehyung called out for him from the green room and he scurried back to the members.

She stayed in the hall, in the same position, staring at the blank wall opposite. Had he really just made himself sick for her? Her parents had never even taken a sick day for her. Aside from Eunha, Soohee couldn’t remember anyone ever going even a centimeter out of their way to do something nice for her or give her what she needed. She was used to it. She got by. But here was Park Jimin, making room in his life and his career and his literal physical comfort so that she would be protected.

Everything he’d done for her since she’d met him flashed through her mind. The gentle care that saw her through her near-starvation. The schedule changes and accommodations. His worry over her pushing herself too hard. Listening, really listening, when she talked. Checking in with her. Respecting her boundaries as much as the situation allowed. Sleeping on the goddamned Couch of Doom for two weeks straight . A million little attempts to give her autonomy in his restrictive world. He didn’t just see her. He went out of his way to look for her.

Shit.

She glared at the wall as if it had insulted her, ignoring tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn’t be falling for him. Being in love with her soulmate, even a soulmate as kind and good as Jimin, wasn’t an option. Romantic soulmates were parasites -- selfish people who eschewed all other relationships in favor of their Bond. She refused to become one of them. To become like her parents. She wouldn’t let herself fall into that trap. There was no way she was falling for Park Jimin.

Except she was pretty sure she already had.

Chapter Text

Namjoon poked his head out of the kitchen just as Jimin came out of the hallway into the living room. “Hey, Jimin, where’s Soohee?”

“Her apartment, I think? I haven’t seen her since this morning.” Jimin glanced into the empty kitchen, feeling grumpy and bored. “Where’s hyung? I want to practice some harmonies.”

“He ran to the store, but he should be back in a--” Namjoon’s words were cut off by the front door opening. “Nevermind.”

Seokjin struggled into the room with a grocery bag in one hand, a large bottle of laundry detergent in the other, and a small potted plant clamped precariously between his left arm and his ribcage. Namjoon started forward to help, but Seokjin managed to set it all down rather gracefully before the younger two could help him.

“What’s all this?” Jimin peered into the bag and saw a six-pack of toilet paper. He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “You didn’t have to do all of this, hyung. But it’s very sweet of you.”

“Listen,” Seokjin huffed. “I don’t want her to think we’re kicking her out or something. Housewarming gifts reminds her she’s still part of the family, she just lives over there now.”

“It was actually Yoongi’s idea,” Namjoon said, biting his lip to keep a full blown smile off his face. Jimin didn’t bother, grinning in delighted surprise. He should have expected this kind of thing from Yoongi, both the idea and leaving it to others to execute. “But none of us have ever really been to a housewarming before, so we thought we’d stick to tradition to be safe.”

Seokjin pursed his lips at the toilet paper, then looked at Jimin apologetically. “I don’t know if she really needs this, since soulmates don’t, you know…”

“We still drink water, hyung,” Jimin said, hiding a giggle behind his hand. “Girls use toilet paper after--”

“You know what, let’s just--” Namjoon interjected.

“Yes. Please.” Seokjin cleared his throat. Jimin couldn’t help but chuckle again. “So, anyway, we got all the traditional gifts. We thought we’d surprise her this afternoon, since the schedule’s open for the rest of the day. It’s the last time in a while that’s going to be true.”

“Hoseok just texted me to say that he and Yoongi are on their way back from the studio. Last I heard, Kookie and Taehyung were napping.” Namjoon tapped Jimin on the shoulder and pointed down the hall. “Want to go wake them up?”

“They’re not napping.” Jimin glared toward the hall as if he could beam his annoyance through the many walls between him and his two best friends. “They’re being jerks with the xbox.”

“Aww, did you lose again?” Seokjin asked, pinching his cheek and cooing at him. Jimin shrugged him off, but his sour mood instantly disappeared. Curse Seokjin and his mothering abilities. “Go get them, please.”

Ten minutes later, all seven of them were huddled in an awkward, whispering tangle outside Soohee’s door. Jimin knew the code, but just like Soohee with the hotel room, he felt it was rude to barge in, so he’d never used it. And he definitely wasn’t going to use it now to let the rest of them into her space for the first time.

Instead, he stood at the back of the group and suppressed a smile at how nervous they all seemed to be. It was actually kind of cute how much they wanted to be kind to her. There was a bit of jostling to make sure everyone was in the correct place before they knocked.

Finally, they determined Namjoon should stand in front and be the one to knock (something about “you’re the leader, dammit”) but that he probably shouldn’t hold any of the gifts ("you'll probably drop them, hyung."). Seokjin stood next to him with the toilet paper (none of the rest were too keen on giving that gift), Jungkook on his other side with the jug of detergent (Jimin was pretty sure he saw him do a few bicep curls with it), and Yoongi behind with the plant (the leaves kept brushing his face and he kept making angry hissing noises, but he didn’t move it). Taehyung and Hoseok just stood in the back near Jimin and smiled blithely.

Namjoon reached out a tentative hand and pressed the doorbell. They heard shuffling on the other side of the door, then the chime as it opened slowly.

“Uh, hi guys,” Soohee said, surprised but smiling. “What’s... up?

“We came to wish you happiness in your new--” Seokjin cut himself off, eyes fixed on something behind Soohee in the apartment. The others shifted a little to see what he saw, the whole group moving like a many-headed creature. Son Songdeuk would be proud. Soohee grimaced slightly and pulled the door open further.

“Guys, this is my best friend, Kwon Eunha.” Soohee motioned at a very pretty girl sitting on the couch beyond the entryway. Eunha stared back without moving. Jimin thought he caught a small sigh from Soohee as she turned toward her friend. “Unnie, umm… Bangtan?”

For a moment, they all just stared at one another, Bangtan clustered in the hallway, Eunha frozen on the couch, and Soohee hovering uncertainly in the middle ground. Jimin felt bad for bursting in unannounced and interrupting what he knew was their first meeting in over a month. But he was also thrilled. Soohee had felt free enough to invite her friend over. He was finally getting to meet someone from her life. And he got to watch his members fumble through an awkward situation of their own making, which was always fun.

“Oh, um, hi!” Seokjin waved, subtly knocking his elbow into Namjoon’s shoulder in some kind of prompt that Namjoon completely missed. Seokjin cleared his throat. “I’m, um, Kim Seokjin.”

Jimin held back a giggle, but he also felt a flare of sympathy. It was a weird thing to introduce themselves, now that they were more popular -- it felt redundant to use their full names, but it was kind of pompous to assume everyone knew who they were. But Jimin was also grateful Seokjin wasn’t using his stage name.

“Guys, this is ridiculous. Come inside.” Soohee chuckled soundlessly and motioned them in.

“We can come back later, Soohee, it’s okay,” Namjoon said, finally kicking into gear. “Eunha, it was nice meeting you.” He ducked his head in a bow, but Soohee shook her head.

“It’s fine,” Eunha said softly, a small smile lighting up her pretty features. “I was kind of here as a housewarming, too. You can stay. If you want.”

After a few more furtive glances shared by Seokjin and Namjoon and Soohee (who rolled her eyes more than anything), Soohee hooked a finger in Namjoon’s sleeve and tugged gently. Namjoon grinned and ducked his head, finally breaking free of the pack. The rest of them scooted across the threshold behind him, still in their house slippers from their apartment. Soohee closed the door. Before they could linger in the entryway and begin a whole new routine of discomfort, she narrowed her eyes at the gifts in their hands.

“What are those?” she asked skeptically.

“Oh, right!” Seokjin said. “They’re… Well, we just thought--”

“This is a window-leaf houseplant,” Yoongi said matter-of-factly, as if trying to atone for the other member’s ridiculousness. He stepped forward and handed her the plant. “Be healthy and thrive in your new home.” He motioned for Seokjin. Soekjin stepped forward gratefully, presenting the package of bath tissue.

“For a clean and pure life.” He handed her the package. Soohee thanked him with a giggle and a pointed look. Seokjin blushed and glanced at Jungkook, who was hovering near the door and looking anywhere but the couch. Seokjin cleared his throat loudly. Jungkook jumped, then thrust the detergent bottle toward Soohee.

“The bubbles this makes represent money and prosperity,” Jungkook recited in a mumbled monotone. “We wish you the best in your new apartment.” Jimin nearly choked trying not to laugh at their terrified maknae.

“Thank you, Jungkookie,” Soohee said. She set the plant on an end table and the bath tissue on the floor. She took the detergent from him with a gentle bow of her head. He gave her a relieved smile and stepped back into the safety of the group. Jimin patted him on the shoulder. “Thank you, all of you. This is very sweet. Please, come in and have a look around. I’m finally unpacked.”

While Soohee showed the others around, Jimin walked over to the couch and smiled at Eunha. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said, perching on the chair kitty-corner from her. “Soohee’s told us a lot about you, but I’m glad you got a chance to come over. Sorry we crashed your visit.”

“No, it’s really fine.” Eunha gripped her own hands in her lap, a weak smile on her face. She looked kind of shell-shocked. Her eyes kept flicking between his forehead and the other members, though mostly Taehyung.

Something about the posture reminded Jimin of Soohee when they first met, all tight muscles and shrinking presence. He looked up to see Soohee poking Hoseok in the side, teasing him about something Jimin couldn’t catch from this side of the room. She was smiling and laughing, keeping up just fine with his rowdy brothers. He knew things had been easier lately, but the stark contrast made him realize how far they’d come.

“Actually,” Eunha began, looking up at him cautiously through her bangs. She bit her lip. “I’ve been wanting to meet you, too. Not because I’m a fan or anything.” Her eyes widened a fraction, but Jimin just nodded, hoping to make her feel more at ease. “I mean, I just. I wanted to make sure Soohee was really doing okay. She’s not always… open about how she feels.”

Jimin chuckled. That was a mild way of putting it. Eunha eyed him carefully for a moment, then smiled back. He felt like he’d just passed some sort of evaluation and knew this was probably the first of many. He was up for it, though.

“Soohee, is this… Is this us?” Jungkook asked.

Jimin looked up to see Jungkook pointing at a framed sketch on the wall. Jimin had noticed the sketch his first night over here, but hadn’t had a chance to look too closely at it or ask her about it. Soohee blushed and looked away from Jungkook, which only made Jimin more curious. He stood and walked closer, the others crowding in, too. It was an excellent rendering of a scene from the I Need U video, all seven of them on top of the rail car.

He turned back to Soohee, who nodded mutely, looking embarrassed. He wasn’t sure why. They all knew she was a fan. It wasn’t unusual for fans to collect memorabilia, even unofficial stuff.

“Oh, that’s one of my favorites of yours, Soohee!” Eunha had joined them at the wall. “I'm glad you finally got it framed. Do you have any new pieces?” Soohee mumbled something about not having a lot of a free time, but Jimin just stared at her.

“Wait, you drew this?” Jungkook asked. He peered closer. “It’s really good, noona. I didn’t know you draw.” Jimin hadn’t known either. He wondered how he’d missed that.

“Oh, our Soohee is an excellent artist,” Eunha said, her eyes lighting up and her posture relaxing. “Where’s your sketchbook? We should show them that one of Taeh--”

“I don’t think I’ve unpacked it yet,” Soohee said hurriedly. Jimin didn’t miss the name Eunha was trying to say or Soohee’s high color. Jimin knew she was lying. Sometimes, she kept her thoughts so close to the vest that Jimin didn’t have a hope of understanding. Other times, she was a terrible liar. Jimin hadn’t figured out yet what made the difference.

“Are these all yours?” Hoseok asked, motioning around the room at the art on the walls. Now that Jimin looked closer, they all bore a resemblance, though their subjects were vastly different. There was one of a vase of flowers, another of a faceless family playing in a park, and one he hadn’t noticed before that had to be based off of a photo of Eunha and Soohee when they were much younger. They were all very good.

“Yeah,” Soohee muttered sheepishly. “It’s like, my one skill.” She flashed a self-deprecating smile to the room at large. Jimin wished she wouldn’t. “Eunha here makes an excellent model, though. She’s so patient with me, even when I can’t capture her beauty.” Eunha rolled her eyes at Soohee’s teasing tone. Jimin had to admit, though, that Eunha was very beautiful. If he was being honest, she was exactly the type of girl he'd always imagined himself with. It felt strangely disloyal to think that.

"Seriously, they're really good," Jungkook said again, nearly reverently. Soohee smiled shyly and looked away, but she wasn't able to hide her smile from any of them.

The apartment was small, so it didn’t take long for everyone to run out of things to look at and settle in the living room for conversation. With only a short couch and a chair, most of Bangtan ended up on the floor. No one seemed to mind though.

They all asked polite questions to get to know her. It reminded Jimin of the first few days with Soohee in the dorm. His members were interested and kind but also very careful. Eunha slowly relaxed, but she looked at their foreheads or over their shoulders more than she met their eyes. From time to time, Soohee would jump in with an answer, seeming to sense when her friend needed a rescue.

For the most part, Jimin sat back and watched it all play out, unsure how to react to this confident, comfortable version of Soohee he hadn’t realized had been around for a while now. He also noticed the way Eunha’s eyes got more darty every time Taehyung spoke to her. Jimin caught his best friend’s eye after the third time and saw the ghost of a smirk playing around Taehyung’s mouth. It shouldn’t have surprised Jimin that Taehyung knew she biased him. They all usually knew within the first few seconds of meeting a fan. But seeing it in this context made Jimin wonder if Taehyung knew about Soohee’s preferences.

“Well, that was because you told your mother we were going camping,” Soohee said. Jimin forced himself back to the moment, trying to pick up the thread of a conversation he’d been accidentally ignoring. “You couldn’t have chosen a more implausible lie. Even if it hadn’t been January, there is no one who would believe you would willingly sleep outside.”

“There are bugs out there,” Eunha said without heat, lifting a shoulder carelessly. “It still doesn’t beat the time you let Kihun get drunk at that street fair. My mother was so mad at you.”

Soohee gasped, her jaw nearly hitting her chest in affront. “I did not let him get drunk.” She turned to the boys hastily. “I swear. I had no idea they’d snuck in the flask.”

Eunha laughed. It was a tinkling, pleasant sound and Jimin could nearly feel his brothers become putty in her hands. Their eyes bounced between the two girls with rapt attention.

“And I thought we weren’t going to tell that story anymore,” Soohee said through her teeth. She glared at her friend who just looked at the rest to gauge if they were interested in hearing more. And of course, they were.

“Okay, so Kihun is my little brother. He’s a 99 liner.” Eunha nestled back in the couch as if this was going to be a long one. Soohee groaned and covered her face. Eunha patted her arm sympathetically, but it didn’t stop her from continuing. “He’d lied to some of his friends and said that he was dating an older girl, so when they told him to put up or shut up, he came to us desperate for help. Soohee, kind soul that she is, said yes--”

“Because I really wanted to go to that street fair and Insik refused to take me--”

“Insik was a tool.”

“Insik was a tool, but that’s not the point. I wanted to go and my boyfriend was being an asshole and Kihun promised me he’d buy me bingsu and galbi and I figured there were worse ways to spend a Friday night.”

Jimin’s brain stalled out for a second at the word boyfriend . He felt Hoseok’s eyes on him, but he was too busy reeling to respond. She’d had a boyfriend. It wasn’t really out of the realm of possibility. It was likely, even, for people his age who hadn’t grown up in the near-monastery of idol training, to have some dating experience. But Jimin couldn’t reconcile this information with the girl who tensed at his every touch and blushed furiously whenever any of them looked at her.

“Boyfriend?” Taehyung asked in a bright voice, placing both fists under his chin and leaning forward eagerly. “You’re going to need to tell us more.” Jimin thanked the universe for Kim Taehyung and his lack of filter. He, too, wanted to hear more about this Insik guy. He sounded exactly like a tool.

“Well...” Soohee hedged. Eunha put her hands up in a clear sign that she was refusing to answer the question. Soohee sighed and rolled her eyes. “Boyfriend is a pretty strong term, I guess. We went on three dates and were together less than a month.”

“Because he was a tool,” Eunha said flatly.

“Yes, because he was a tool,” Soohee repeated with a firm nod.

“Anyway.” Eunha leaned forward again, brushing off the diversion as if it hadn’t happened. “So they go to this fair and Kihun, all of fourteen, gets blasted out of his head on soju and Soohee ends up piggy-backing him home, only to be met by my irate mother at the front door. I’ve never heard her yell so loudly. She’s usually a very calm person.”

“I was so scared she’d ban me from coming over. And I went through so much to get him home safely. He vomited in my purse that night, you know.” Soohee froze, then bit her lip. Her eyes sparkled mischievously. “Actually… I’d borrowed your purse that night.”

“No,” Eunha gasped. “My Coach bag? You said that smell was the leather aging.” Soohee ducked her head, but grinned devilishly. The boys laughed uproariously. Jimin had never seen this side of Soohee before. If Eunha brought this out in her, he never wanted her to leave.

“Sorry, friend.” Soohee shrugged at Eunha’s horrified face. “I’d just convinced your mom to forgive me. I wasn’t about to give you a reason to cut me loose.”

The conversation ping-ponged from there. Jimin was pleased to see how relaxed Eunha and the other members had become as the afternoon progressed. Jungkook still didn’t say much and he leaned a little harder than strictly necessary into Seokjin’s side, but he was actually looking at both girls now. Hoseok’s smile was his genuine one, not the manic one he sometimes used when around strangers.

“So, um…” Eunha looked from Jimin to Yoongi to Soohee, biting her lip nervously. “Maybe this is out of line, but can I ask about the hair?” Jimin blinked at her for a moment, before reaching up and threading his fingers through his newly red locks. He’d completely forgotten. “Are you doing a follow-up?”

“Oh, right.” Jimin looked to Namjoon, who nodded subtly. “Yeah, we’ll drop the MV in a week or so.”

“It’s Dope, right?” Eunha asked excitedly, then smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. Totally fangirling right now. Ignore me, please. I can control it. I think.” The others laughed at her light-hearted honesty. “We’ve just all been guessing and I really love that song.”

“Yeah, it’s Dope,” Namjoon said. He grimaced. “I hate to ask, but if you could keep that to yourself for--”

“No! Yeah, totally. I swear.” Eunha nodded emphatically. “I might not be able to shut up right now, but I’m actually kind of an excellent secret keeper.” She nudged Soohee with her elbow. Soohee chuckled and nodded in confirmation.

“Soohee, do you mind if I get a glass of water?” Seokjin asked, already standing and stretching and interrupting what Jimin had hoped would be further revelations of secrets. Jungkook shifted on the floor to rest his other side against Hoseok’s back.

“Yeah, let me show you where.” Soohee stood and led him to the small kitchen a few feet away.

Without Soohee as the go-between, the earlier tension returned in increments. Eunha straightened her shoulders a little, and Jimin instantly recognized the move from Soohee trying to shake off her nerves. They really were like sisters.

“So.” Eunha kept her voice low. Her eyes locked onto Jimin’s but her posture kept the others in the conversation. “How is she really doing? She’s not… used to having a lot of people around.”

Jimin wished he had an hour to pick Eunha’s brain, to ask her all the questions about Soohee’s family and life that he couldn’t bring himself to ask Soohee herself. Instead, he just shrugged.

“She seems to be fine?” He honestly wasn’t sure how to answer. “She’s really fitting in with our staff. She seems really happy when she’s working with us.” The other boys nodded along.

“Soohee, you cannot keep makeup in the silverware drawer and extra hair products in your cupboards.” Seokjin’s scandalized voice cut through the small apartment. Everyone looked up and craned their necks to see through the pass-through window in the kitchen. Seokjin was hurriedly pulling open doors and drawers. “You can’t-- This is-- Soohee! This is a kitchen!”

“What do I need a kitchen for?” Soohee asked, laughter tingeing her tone. “I only need one shelf for water glasses. And there’s never enough storage in the bathroom. I need a lot of products, okay?” They both emerged from the kitchen, Seokjin with a hand on his chest.

“I was going to suggest I make us all dinner over here to christen it, but we can not use this kitchen,” Seokjin said. “Is it too weird to move your housewarming party over to our place?”

“I’m not going to eat, so it doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Hyung, can we have duck? Please?” Jungkook asked from the floor.

“We’d have to go shopping,” Seokjin responded, but he didn’t look like they’d need to work to hard to convince him. There was a clamor among the members. Jimin, without a stake in it, found his attention drawn to Eunha, who was beginning to look a little uncomfortable.

“Noona, you’re invited to dinner, of course,” Jimin said. Immediately, the others stopped their friendly bickering and turned to her to nod energetically, including Soohee.

“I don’t want to butt in…”

“Eunha-noona,” Jungkook began softly. He stopped and blinked. “Eunha-noona! Tae. Eunha-noona .” He nudged Taehyung, whose eyes lit up at the rhyme. Jimin rolled his eyes as they began a chorus (nearly in harmony) of her name. Eunha blushed but laughed.

“Okay, I can stay.”

Soohee peered out of the kitchen to check on Eunha for the fifth time in as many minutes. Eunha was blissfully unaware, animatedly chatting with Jimin and Hoseok, so Soohee didn’t really need to be worried. But she couldn’t help it. Before Bonding, Eunha had been most of Soohee’s (admittedly small) world. Eunha had been one of her only friends, her chosen family, and her partner in crime (usually barely misdemeanors, but still). Now Soohee had this whole other life, filled with noisy boys and clamoring crowds and a coveted position at a company that was equal parts business and family. And tonight, both halves of her life were sitting out there in the living room.

“They’re doing just fine,” Seokjin said quietly. Soohee nearly jumped, not realizing he’d gotten so close behind her. “I think her blood pressure is finally within the healthy range, especially now that Tae’s out of the room.”

“Thank you for that, by the way.” Soohee didn’t bother asking how Seokjin knew to send Taehyung on the grocery expedition with the others. Even if Eunha hadn’t been so obvious in her staring, she didn’t doubt for a second that they all had a decently honed sense of whose fans were whose. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to owe you, because I know for a fact that you owe Yoongi babysitting money.” Seokjin snorted and returned to measuring dry rice into the cooker.

“Why do you think I sent Namjoon? One to watch the kids, and one to actually do the shopping. But hopefully Jungkook’s blood pressure has levelled out, too. I’m not sure who was more scared when you opened your door earlier.”

“Oh, it was Kookie for sure,” Soohee replied with a laugh. “She was surprised, but she’s resilient.”

“If I’d known you had a guest,” Seokjin began with a half smile, “well, I probably would have come over sooner.” Soohee chuckled at his unrepentant expression. “We’ve all been wanting to meet her for a while. I’m glad we got a chance. She’s really cool.”

“She is.” Soohee couldn’t help but grin with pride. She couldn’t take credit for having good taste in friends, since Eunha had all but forced her way into Soohee’s life when they were younger. But Soohee would still choose her over most other people on the planet, and that had to count for some kind of taste. “I’ve missed her.”

After a month of texts and calls, it was so good to see her friend face-to-face. Even if that meant Eunha calling her on her bullshit the second she walked into her new apartment. All the “I’m fine”s and “I’ll be okay”s crumbled to dust when met by the fierce stare of one Kwon Eunha and the absence of Bangtan. It only took two or three prying words to uncork Soohee’s bottled feelings.

She chopped vegetables (possibly more forcefully than necessary) and tried not to think about all the crazy things she’d blurted at Eunha a few hours ago. She was thankful that her front door seemed to be sound-proof, since she’d been shouting about how stupidly good Park Jimin smelled after dance practice (good fucking lord , pheromones were no joke) when the boys had knocked on her door.

“I’m actually surprised you offered to help me,” Seokjin said mildly, interrupting her thoughts. “You don’t have to, you know. You’re not even going to eat any of this. You could go spend time with her.”

“I’ve missed this, too.” Soohee scooped a handful of diced onion into an empty bowl. She laughed when she met Seokjin’s skeptical expression. “You forget, my parents were soulmates. I’ve been cooking my own meals since I was… well, it's been a very long time. It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve cooked anything and I miss it.” Soohee thought she saw a frown cross Seokjin’s face, but it was gone before she could tell for sure.

“Well, you’re always welcome to help me if you want, but don’t ever feel obligated.” Seokjin shut the lid on the rice cooker. “But I get missing it. It’s so much easier to order in or let the managers figure out what we’re having, but sometimes it’s nice to get in here and make a real meal.” He took the bowl from next to her and ducked down to get a pan out of a cupboard. Soohee grabbed a handful of carrots and moved toward the sink to wash them.

It was a moderately-sized kitchen, but preparing a meal for seven required a complex choreography of steps to navigate around one another without injury or mishap. Luckily, they both fell into it easily. And she found she didn’t mind giving or receiving the little orienting touches that helped them avoid crashing every three seconds. A hand on his back to let him know she was behind him. Pressing herself against the counter while he shimmied to the side with a bowl held over her head. It was like they were speaking another language, getting more and more fluent as time passed. A gentle tap on her shoulder meant let me pass , a tug on his sleeve translated to  hand me that one specific knife next to you , a hip bump said get out of the way of the sink unless you want gochujang on your clothes .

The sauce was simmering and the vegetables were sizzling in the pan when the others arrived with the groceries. Just in time. Seokjin thanked Soohee for her help and shooed her out of the kitchen, designating Jungkook as his sous chef. The maknae’s relieved sigh was all it took for Soohee to surrender her apron and return to her friend’s side in the living room. She laughed until her sides hurt as Eunha entertained the boys with stories of their high school antics, mortification and fond nostalgia attacking her in equal measure.

Dinner was on the table before they knew it. Enough time had passed that Jungkook had gotten more comfortable, though Soohee suspected the anticipation of one of his favorite meals was doing a lot to soothe his nerves. Eunha was acting as a replacement Jimin for the night, bringing the seats around the low table back to seven. Jimin and Soohee took their usual spot on the couch, getting in a little Recharging while the others ate.

Soohee didn’t miss how often her friend’s gaze flickered in their direction or the gentle blush on her cheeks for the first few minutes. Hearing about her skinship with Jimin was slightly different from seeing it in person. Soohee also didn’t miss the mildly resentful looks Eunha shot her bowl of rice. It didn’t take a genius (just a best friend) to follow her train of thought. Soohee was still proud of her for not looking at Taehyung with longing, wishing for her own soulmate to snuggle. She’d listened to Soohee often enough to know Bonding wasn’t quite the fairy tale it was cracked up to be.

From her vantage point away from the table, Soohee also didn’t miss how often Hoseok’s eyes strayed to Eunha. He was extra friendly tonight. But it was the relaxed, comfortable version of Hoseok, not the borderline manic sunshine boy from in front of the camera. Soohee watched with amusement as Hoseok slid the best cuts of meat onto Eunha’s plate and effortlessly kept her talking throughout the meal. Not that Eunha was a difficult vault to crack, but it was nice to see someone paying her attention. In Soohee’s estimation, Eunha deserved all the attention in the world.

Things flowed so smoothly that Soohee was surprised to look up and see how late it had gotten. The food was long gone, but no one had really moved from their places. That welcome weariness that came from laughing too hard for a long time was sinking into their bones. Everyone, even Soohee and Jimin, was feeling sated and warm and content.

“Hey, friend…” Soohee murmured gently into a lull in the conversation. She didn’t want the evening to be over, but the hours had slipped away from them. “You have an early shift tomorrow.”

“But I don’t want to.” Eunha groaned and wrinkled her nose. “Being a grown up is so lame.” The others laughed at her fake whining.

“Come on, I’ll walk you out.” Soohee disentangled from Jimin on the couch, feeling that strange disconnection worse than usual. She swore falling for her soulmate was the worst plan in the world. She didn’t want to need him like this. She really needed to get over this, whatever it was.

There was a flurry of movement, as all the boys politely got to their feet to see them off. After exchanging goodbyes and thank yous and bows and smiles with everyone (and some more than once), Soohee and Eunha returned to her apartment to get Eunha’s things.

“You know, you could probably stay the night,” Soohee said from the entryway, watching Eunha rummage through her purse on the couch. “Jimin and I had enough time this evening and the schedule’s light tomorrow morning, so we’re good on skinship. Plus a night away might be kind of nice...”

“Ugh, I want to.” Eunha put on some lip balm and glanced at herself in a compact mirror. She looked up with a regretful smile. “But I don’t have my uniform and this is kind of in the opposite direction from work. Rain check?”

“Absolutely.” Soohee grinned, looking around her very own place. “You’re welcome here any time. In fact, I might have you come over and water my new plant while we’re out of the country.” Soohee looked fondly at the small pot on her end table, wondering for the millionth time how she lucked into a Bond that came with such a family.

“I’ll house sit,” Eunha promised. “Anything to get away from my brothers. I love them but some days… Hoo boy.”

“I’m sorry we didn’t get more time together,” Soohee offered as Eunha stood and walked toward the door. She definitely didn’t want to say goodbye after so little one-on-one time with her best friend, but she couldn’t really resent the time taken up by the boys. She felt more settled than ever before, now that all her people had met and seemed to like each other. “We have a little time after we get back from Japan. Maybe then?”

“Definitely.” Eunha pulled her close for a hug. Soohee didn’t even hesitate to lean into the gesture, squeezing her shoulders tightly. “Hey, and don’t stress too much, okay? Everything will work out.” Soohee pulled back to roll her eyes. It was easier than getting teary. “The universe put you two together for a reason. Trust me. It’ll be fine.”

Soohee just pulled her close and squeezed her harder. She wished she could be as optimistic as Eunha. But where Eunha was made of sunlight and energy and hope, Soohee had built protective walls made of skepticism and caution and doubt. Eunha would have to believe for the both of them, because Soohee was pretty sure the universe wasn’t as discerning as everyone made it out to be.

Chapter Text

Soohee hurried out of her apartment and straight into Jimin’s chest. She bounced off of him and knocked into the doorframe. She bit back a yelp at the pain in her funny bone in favor of glaring at her purse as it went spilling across the hallway.

“Oh, sorry!” Jimin leapt after a tube of lipstick rolling away across the floor. Soohee groaned and bent down to gather the rest of the detritus exploding out of her bag. Jimin handed her the lipstick and she took it with a grunt of thanks. “Um… Noona? You okay?”

Soohee shook her head, scooping up a tin of mints, a tube of lipgloss, two pens, four coins, and a wadded up receipt. She shoved them unceremoniously back into her purse and straightened up. She could feel that she was scowling, but it was hard to do anything about it when she felt like she did.

“I’m having a bad day.”

“It’s barely 7:30 in the morning,” Jimin said, a small chuckle slipping out of his throat. Soohee was not as amused as he apparently was. He seemed to catch her mood and schooled his features. “What’s going on? Did you… just wake up?” Soohee didn’t like how careful his tone was, like she might yell at him. She didn’t like that she was considering it.

“I’ve been up for an hour, but I slept for crap.” Soohee ticked her fingers with each statement, wishing her first night alone in ages hadn’t been lonely and sad and emotionally frustrating. “I can’t find my favorite dress. I have a new pimple on my forehead, despite washing my face more than I ever have in my entire life. I feel like shit. And now I have to ask a manager to take me to the corner store to get--” Soohee cut herself off, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. She needed tampons. That was half of why she was so grumpy and annoyed.

“To get…?” Jimin eyed her expectantly.

“It doesn’t matter. I just need to go to the store and I can’t go alone because of the stupid-ass PR and Security Plan.” She glared at Jimin. It wasn’t his fault. They’d agreed to a truce just a few days ago, to stop keeping score on what being soulmates cost them. But right that second, he was the closest thing she had to a BigHit representative and she wasn’t being her most rational self. “And I can’t even take a coordi. No. I have to take one of the dudes. The big one. With the shoulders. And the face .” She motioned vaguely, though emphatically at her own face in demonstration.

Jimin’s lips twitched in something suspiciously close to a smile. She glowered at him. All she wanted was a vat of ice cream and a heating pad. Instead, she’d have to settle for a PR Plan and some covert skinship in the Bangtan van. She sighed.

“I know it’s a hassle, but they’re just trying to keep you safe.” Jimin smile was clearly trying to convince her of the truth of his words. She scoffed at him. He raised an eyebrow.

“It’s sweet that you believe that,” she said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “But they’re trying to keep you safe, not me.”

“What are you--”

Soohee sighed and looked at the ceiling to calm her annoyance. “I just mean… I’m sure the staff doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me, but these security measures are entirely for your sake, not mine.” Jimin stared at her blankly. Soohee looked back pointedly. “There’s no Last Touch, Jimin.”

“I don’t-- What are you talking about?”

“I mean, First Touch started all of this, but there’s nothing that ends it.” She shrugged. “If I get hit by a bus on my way to the corner store and die…” Jimin flinched, but Soohee continued, unable to stop. “Then you get one excruciating month before you follow me to whatever afterlife there is. Digestive transmutation is a one-way process.”

“Well, aren’t you a ball of sunshine this morning?” Jimin muttered. He smiled weakly to soften his words, but Soohee just lifted a shoulder.

“It’s the nature of the beast. So as much as the staff likes me, they’re mostly just protecting you. Or, well, the company’s investment in you.” She winced internally at how harsh that sounded, but her crankiness overrode her conscience. “A bond comes with a huge risk and they’re trying to guard against that. It’s part of why I never wanted a soul--” Her phone pinged at that moment, and she was incredibly glad something stopped her from making the look on Jimin’s face worse. She was totally winning at today. “Oh, he’s here. I’ve gotta to go. Listen, just ignore me, okay? I’m a mess and... Just, never mind, okay?”

She left Jimin staring after her in the hallway, letting the elevator doors block out his somewhat stunned face. She kicked herself the whole way to the store. She hadn’t intended to say any of that. She was tired and crampy and annoyed at the minor inconvenience that the idol life caused her. But he was just as stuck as she was and she was a jerk for acting like BigHit didn’t care about her when she knew the company was made of people like Sejin and Narae and Hobeom.

The only benefit her outburst afforded her was a significant dose of shame, enough to make her impervious to the embarrassment she’d been so worried about. She tossed the box of tampons and a bottle painkillers down on the counter without batting a lash at the manager next to her. He graciously looked the other direction and pretended to be very interested in a display of cell phone charms on the counter.

It wasn’t until after Soohee had paid and was back in the van that she realized the painkillers were likely useless to her. She’d rather not ask her stomach to join the Internal Organ Revolt happening inside her right then. She wondered if skinship helped here, too. Doctor Mun had said skinship was the best for healing injuries and illness. She wasn’t sure if it applied to a natural process like menstrual cramps, but she was willing to give it a try. But she’d have to apologize to Jimin first.

She found him in the dorm, roughhousing with the other maknaes. She couldn’t help the smile growing on her face as Jungkook managed to get both of his hyungs pinned to the couch with what looked like minimal effort. Taehyung might still have a few inches of height on him, but Jungkook knew exactly where to poke him to turn him into a puddle of ticklish giggles. Jimin was more competitive and muscular that Taehyung, but he was always just a little too gentle with the maknae to be able to win. Jungkook took full advantage, digging his elbow into Jimin’s solar plexus, making him groan and gasp.

“Jeon Jungkook, if you hurt either of them for real, I will ban you from the gym until you learn to use those muscles correctly.” Soohee’s voice brought all three heads swiveling up to meet her mirthful gaze.

“You don’t have the authority to ban me from the gym,” Jungkook said petulantly. He paused. “Right?” He glanced at his brothers with vague concern.

“If I don’t, I know someone who does, I’m sure.”

Soohee grinned as her words had the desired effect -- Jungkook let go of the other two and slumped on the couch with a pout. Taehyung giggled and rearranged so that his legs were across Jungkook’s lap, producing a crumpled bag of chips from under the couch cushion. Jungkook squawked in protest, leading Soohee right to the source of their altercation in the first place. Taehyung munched happily in Jungkook’s direction as Soohee strode closer to the couch.

“I’m just teasing, Jungkookie,” she said, ruffling his hair. He ignored her in favor of snatching the bag out of Taehyung’s hand and pouring the whole thing into his mouth. Taehyung just grinned, since there were only a few crumbs left. Jimin laughed at the two of them. Soohee took a deep breath.“Hey, Jimin, can I chat with you for a second?” Jimin shrugged and got off the couch, following her to the kitchen.

“How did you even get roped into a fight over food?” Soohee knew she was stalling her apology, but she was also honestly curious what stake Jimin had in the fight.

“I’m almost always on Tae’s side in a fight between those two. It’s part of our code.” Jimin grinned, making Soohee laugh. She felt shame curl in her chest and took a deep breath.

“Hey, about earlier--”

“It’s fine.” Jimin’s lips tightened enough for her to know it wasn’t fine. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No, it’s not.” Soohee surprised herself with the force behind her tone. She rarely disagreed with him. But she’d been out of line. “None of that is really how I feel. This company’s been nothing but good to me. And you’re not an investment. That was an ugly thing to say and I’m sorry.” Jimin blinked at her, clearly surprised by her directness. “I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people before 8 am. I’m really sorry. Forgive me?”

“Yeah, of course…” Jimin shook his head as if he was a little dazed. “I mean, we all have bad mornings. You said you weren’t feeling well?”

“It’s nothing--” She stopped herself. She swallowed minutely and forced herself to ask for what she needed. “--nothing major, but maybe some Charge would help?”

“Okay, sure.” Jimin glanced out into the living room, where Taehyung and Jungkook were now engaged in what sounded like an epic Mario Kart battle. “You want to hang out here or go back to your place?” Soohee forced herself not to blush or giggle at how suggestive that sounded and told him the living room here was fine.

She followed him back to the living room, and they took up their normal corner of the couch. Neither of them were actually hungry, so she just at next to him and leaned into his side. The instant his arm settled across her shoulder, she felt a little better. She had the craziest urge to ask him to put his palms against her lower abdomen, somehow certain that would soothe all of her pain. She resisted. This whole thing was weird enough already, and she'd barely had the courage to ask for skinship in general. But she wondered if that was how normal soulmate couples worked this kind of thing out.

“So.” Jimin cleared his throat, staring straight at the television screen where Jungkook’s Yoshi was beating the shells off Taehyung’s Bowser. Soohee watched the sharp line of his profile and waited for him to speak, wondering just how much weight he’d dropped since she’d met him. Finally, he continued in a low voice that was almost obliterated by the other boys’ hijinks. “So, you never wanted a soulmate?”

Soohee’s heart sank. She’d been really hoping he hadn’t caught that. It was the truth, but it wasn’t nearly the whole story. Just because she’d never wanted a soulmate didn’t mean she didn’t want him as her soulmate. But she had no idea how to tell him that without making a giant fool of herself. So she settled on the slightly less complicated portion of the story.

“My parents weren’t the best advertisement for it.”

Soohee watched Taehyung try to cheat by blocking the signal from Jungkook’s wireless controller with his entire body. Jungkook slugged him in the shoulder and they resumed their competition. Jimin turned to her, his brow furrowed. Soohee sighed.

“They just… Well, growing up was pretty lonely.” She matched his low tone, trying to decide how much to even say. But the words had their own power and slipped out without her consent. “They prefer each other over everyone else. It’s like they’re in a bubble and the rest of the world doesn’t really matter. Including me. For a long time, I thought that’s just how every family lives. But then I met Eunha’s family and it was so clear how not normal my home was, you know?”

Soohee shrugged. Jimin nodded like he understood, but she could tell he didn’t completely. It made her happy that he was trying, though. It was more than a lot of people did. But with a million hormones battling it out in her system, this conversation was rapidly putting her into a maudlin frame of mind. She smiled weakly.

“Anyway. I didn’t want to be like them and most of the time it feels like being Bonded is the only thing they are. So I didn’t want a soulmate.”

Jimin nodded again, but Soohee could tell from the set of his jaw and the thinness of his lips that her answer wasn’t really making the situation better. The strange thing was, the old, familiar words still felt true but also didn’t exactly fit anymore.

“It’s different now, though…” Soohee continued. Jimin glanced at her, but she wasn’t even entirely aware of his presence for a second. She was too busy burrowing into the recesses of her own mind, finding words for thoughts she didn’t even realize she had. “The reality of having my own soulmate isn’t… You and I aren’t like them at all. Maybe they aren’t like that, and I’m just remembering wrong.” She shook herself, pulling away from that mental path. She tried to refocus on Jimin. “Anyway, I didn’t want a soulmate, but I didn’t really know what it would be like.”

She felt like she was floundering a little, but God bless Kim Taehyung who chose that moment to do a screaming victory lap around the living room, startling her and Jimin out of their quiet conversation. Jungkook complained loudly about cheating and asked for a rematch, but Taehyung just stuck out his tongue and pranced closer to the couch.

“Soohee, do we even have time for a rematch? Or do we have something on the schedule soon?” Taehyung’s eyes were practically sparkling. Soohee didn’t even have to consciously access their schedule in their mind, the details already filtering through her thoughts. She glanced at the clock and shot Jungkook a sympathetic look.

“You have dance practice in nine minutes.” She pulled away from Jimin and grimaced as some of her discomfort returned, though it was definitely improved. She felt a little guilty for allowing her conversation with Jimin taper off there, but she wasn’t sure what else she could say. Because she wasn’t about to give voice to her growing certainty that, if she were given the choice between the freedom to create her own fate and having Jimin as her soulmate, she wouldn’t change a damn thing.

“How was your day?” Jimin asked the back of Soohee’s head, snuggling a little deeper into his pillow and feeling weariness already overtaking him. He felt the movement of Soohee’s soft laughter through her back against his chest.

“I was with you the whole day.”

“Yeah, but… we don’t talk much during the day. We’re like…” Jimin thought it might be stupid to say planets in orbit , but that’s how it felt. She was always near, popping in and out of the practice rooms and their dorm but never really coming close enough for anything more than a quick word about business. “We’re busy with separate things. So was it a good day for you?”

“Yeah.” Her shoulders brushed his as she lifted them noncommittally. “I mean, the flight from Myanmar was kind of turbulent, but you were there for that… Oh, I didn’t get a chance to ask you at the hotel last night. How’d you feel about the concert? I’ve always wondered, is it better or worse when it’s not a full Bangtan concert?”

Jimin thought for a moment. No one had ever really asked him a question like that. It was his turn to shrug. “It’s nice that we’re not so worn out at the end of it, since it’s only a handful of songs.” He thought back to all the showcases and joint performances they’d done last year and smiled at how far they’d come. “Before we had our own concerts, it was amazing, but now it feels like we’ve barely gotten started when we have to leave the stage.”

“I noticed you guys were a little… more hyped backstage.” Soohee glanced over her shoulder at him in the dark, the moonlight through her bedroom window just enough to highlight her cheekbones. Her expression made him chuckle. They’d been pretty loud and rambunctious in their waiting room. “I thought you were maybe more excited for this one than for TRB.”

“Nah, we were just trying to keep the energy up. When you only get to do five songs, you’ve got to hit them hard, you know?” Jimin felt more than saw her nod along.

He liked these quiet moments before they fell asleep. Over the last week in her apartment, they’d found a kind of stasis in their routine -- as much as they could with how variable Bangtan’s schedule was. They spent their daytime hours working near (but not entirely with) one another, then met up at night to Recharge while they fell asleep. It was getting easier every day, spending time just the two of them in her apartment without interruptions from his members, to find a rhythm and figure out how to share their space. They hardly ever tripped over one another in the bathroom anymore.

He’d noticed she was getting better at initiating touch, with him and the others. She always managed to find one or two moments a day, even in the busy schedule, to trade a little Charge, when no one was looking or they had the cover of a busy room. Despite wishing for fewer “calories” a day, Jimin couldn’t help feeling a little victorious. She was finally trusting them, feeling safe with Bangtan and asking for what she needed.

“I need to pack for Japan...” Soohee said, a yawn nearly overtaking her words. Jimin smiled. He’d probably pack two hours before they left for the airport, like always. “Oh! I meant to tell you. We worked out the last details for Busan. You should call your mom. You can have dinner with them on the 27th. We have a thing on the first night and we’ll coming back right after the event on Sunday, so that’s the best bet to see them. I even managed to get you a few extra hours.”

“Oh, thanks!” Jimin smiled broadly at the thought of seeing his family again so soon. “They’ll be really excited to see you.”

“Am I going?”

“Do you want to?” Jimin wished he could see her face but reminded himself that she was more honest in the dark.

“I’d love to," she murmured. Jimin smiled when he could hear how much she meant it. “I just didn’t want to butt in. You don’t get to see them very often.”

“I’ll tell my mom you’re coming. She’ll be thrilled.”

Soohee sighed contentedly and settled a little more firmly against his chest. His eyes drooped at the surge in Charge. He was sure by morning, they’d end up halfway across the bed with only their feet touching, like they had every other morning this week. They were reaching an equilibrium in their need for Charge -- it took just slightly less than a whole night’s sleep these days, but that might have had more to do with the fact that they were getting an actual night's sleep these days and not the short hours they usually caught in the middle of promoting or creating or traveling. He was also probably subconsciously pulling away in the night to avoid extra hours at the gym.

He was sure they’d need to find a new balance soon, with the MV dropping next week and the tour kicking off for real next month. But with how easy it had been to fall into this routine, Jimin was sure they’d have no problem finding a new one. All things considered, everything was pretty great right now.

“Everything is awful, unnie!” Soohee ground her teeth and paced the sidewalk. She couldn’t even remember what city they were currently in, but she knew she was in Japan and she was in deep trouble. “I spend all day, every day, watching him be all... awesome and kind and talented and Jimin and then I spend every night snuggled up to him for survival and there’s just no break.”

“You’re rambling, Soohee…”

“Sorry.” Soohee sighed and stepped back into the shade of the building. She wasn’t sure why she thought coming outside in the middle of June was a good idea. She could already feel sweat beading along her spine. She shook her head, gathering her thoughts. “If I could just get some distance from him, a few days even, I could get over this… this thing .”

“What thing?” Eunha prodded. Soohee could hear the teasing in her voice and kind of wanted to strangle her, best friend or not. Eunha knew exactly what Soohee was talking about, but she was going to make her say it. Soohee wrinkled her nose and braced herself.

“This crush thing,” Soohee muttered. Eunha’s laugh was loud and long. Soohee knew she wasn’t actually mocking, but it still stung just a little. “What?”

“A crush? That’s what you’re calling it?” Eunha snorted. “You’re in love with him.”

“I’m not.” Soohee kicked at a fledgling weed trying to make its home in a crack in the sidewalk, nearly growling at the innocent plant in her frustration.

“Oh? You think he’s kind and awesome and talented and he makes your heart race and you lowkey constantly worry about his health and happiness, but you’re not in love with him?”

“No,” Soohee replied petulantly. “He’s kind and awesome and talented and I lowkey worry about my own health with how much my heart races around him and I highkey worry about his health all the damn time because the boy visits the gym multiple times a day.” Soohee blew out a long breath. “But. You can’t be in love alone. I could maybe love him, but I’m not in love with him. It’s different.” Even to her own ears, it sounded... not at all different. Eunha’s scoff told her clearly where her best friend stood.

“You’re splitting hairs--”

“So it has to be a crush,” Soohee continued a little desperately. “Because you can get over a crush. But that’s impossible because I can’t get even a little distance. I could get over it if I didn’t have to see him every day.”

“Soohee, I swear I’m not being a jerk here…” Eunha’s voice lost its teasing tone. “But… Why? Why do you need to get over it?”

“What other choice do I have?” Soohee tossed a hand out to the side as if Eunha could see her desperate confusion all the way from Korea.

“What do you mean? You have lots of choices, not least of which is telling him how you feel and falling madly in love and having a million tiny babies who can dance and sing and draw and calculate rental rates inside their heads.” It was Soohee’s turn to snort. Eunha’s ridiculousness never failed to pull her out of a spiral. But even putting a pin in the Kid Issue, there were still many problems with Eunha’s logic.

“Unnie, that’s a nice fantasy you’re creating there, but that only works if he’s interested or if I can die of embarrassment somewhere across the country after he rejects me.” Soohee slipped back into the building to avoid a sunburn and found a nice empty room that was hopefully far away from any member of Bangtan or their staff. “Otherwise I’ll have to die of starvation somewhere across the country. Even if I was willing, I probably shouldn’t kill him for not liking me back.”

“What says he doesn’t like you back?” Eunha asked. Soohee hated how rational she was being.

“Everything.”

“No, seriously, I need a list, because I love you but I don’t really trust your perception of reality right now.” Eunha stayed silent for a long moment. Soohee tried to ignore the request, but Eunha cleared her throat loudly. “I’m not kidding. List, please.”

“For one, he’s an idol and I’m… well, I’m me.” Soohee rolled her eyes. Stating the obvious was a waste of time.

“Rebuttal: that’s bullshit because I have personal proof that you’re amazing and I’ve met him twice now and know for a fact that he’s actually a normal 20-year-old boy. Next?”

Soohee perched on a desk and glared blindly at the wall opposite. She was resenting the hell out of this conversation. But if she really wanted to stop, she only needed to say the word and Eunha would back off. Instead, she mumbled, “I’m not even his type, Eunha.”

“Explain.”

“There was an interview the other day and they asked that question, about ideal types--”

“The really gross invasive one that no idol has ever answered honestly in the history of ever? I’m familiar. Continue.”

“His entire list is like the exact opposite of me.” Soohee sniffed hard. It was stupid to get teary over this, but it stung just as badly in this moment as it had when she’d heard him talk about long hair and cuteness and petite figures.

“One, that is a scripted response that means absolutely nothing. Two, even if that’s true, tastes can change. You’re his soulmate. Next.”

“Unnie, it’s not that simple.” Soohee appreciated the attempt, but Eunha didn’t get it. She couldn’t. She wasn’t there every day to see everything that had happened between her and Jimin. And Eunha had always possessed twice the confidence Soohee had. “He’s made it clear he’s not interested. We'll never be like that. I’m not his girlfriend. I’m barely even his friend. I just have to figure out how to be okay with that.”

“So. How’s it going with Soohee?” Seokjin followed Jimin off the warm up mat and toward the treadmills.

“It’s pretty good, actually.” Jimin hopped on one and started it, moving quickly from a brisk walk to an easy jog. Seokjin climbed on the machine next to him. “We’ve been… I don’t know, it’s gotten easier?”

“That’s good. You guys are getting enough time together?” Seokjin asked hesitantly. Jimin tilted his head in question. “You’re getting enough… what’re you calling it? Charge?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess.” Jimin thought for a moment. “Actually, it’s weird. We’d kind of found a balance, but now… It’s like she’s hungry more often. Maybe it’s Japan? Or traveling? I don’t know. She’s been finding me multiple times a day, even though we’re getting plenty of time in the hotel at night.” Jimin shrugged, stretching his arms above his head, rolling his shoulders, and settling into the pace a little more.

“Jungkook mentioned you guys worked out down here this morning.” Seokjin’s voice was just a little too casual. Jimin narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“Yeah, so?” Jimin tried not to sound defensive. He probably failed.

“Do you know if they have towels somewhere? I forgot to grab one.” Seokjin made a show of looking around. Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Right there.” He gestured at a large pyramid of rolled up towels on a table next to them, which they’d both walked past to get to this side of the room. “Towels.”

“Oh, right.” Seokjin nodded. Jimin pressed the plus sign on the machine’s dashboard, taking the pace up to 8 kilometers per hour. Seokjin’s eyes darted over, then he increased his speed, too. “You’ve... been working out a lot lately.”

Jimin made a noncommittal noise, not even bothering to look over at Seokjin. He wasn’t unfamiliar with his hyung’s hen-pecking ways, but he really didn’t like where this was going, so he was going to make Seokjin spit it out before he gave him a response.

“Couple times a day?” Seokjin persisted. Jimin grunted. “You, ah… You’re working yourself pretty hard these days.”

“I’m fine, hyung.” Jimin bumped up the speed on his treadmill again, wondering how far both of them could push this. Seokjin glanced over with narrowed eyes, then did the same to his own.

“I just… I’m just checking on you.”

“Well, like I said, I’m fine. Mom .” Jimin smirked at him, hoping the speed and the joke would throw Seokjin off course and they could be done with this line of questioning.

“Come on, Chim, I’m your diet buddy, remember?” Seokjin’s breaths were coming in shorter  bursts as he adjusted to the higher pace. “All those plain chicken breasts and salads and protein shakes before we debuted? I can tell when you’re dropping weight. You okay?”

“It’s concert season,” Jimin said with a grin that was a little too tight. Seokjin looked unimpressed.

“Listen, I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“I know.” Jimin fought off a sigh and leaned into the burn in his calves, hating the idea of the other members talking about him behind his back, like he was a child that needed to be protected. “Namjoon’s already bugged me. And you’re crazy if you think Taehyung’s leaving me alone.” He bit the inside of his cheek, considering. Best to get this over with. “I’m being careful. I promise. I just need to be ready for this tour.”

“Just don’t overdo it, okay?”

“I’m fine, hyung.”

“I know. I just--”

“Hyung.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks.”

Soohee sighed in contentment at the sight of her own bed. She finished changing into her pajamas and gleefully flopped down, pressing her face against the pillows. She’d only been in her apartment for a few weeks and had spent nearly half of that time traveling with Bangtan, but it still felt like home in a way that her parents’ house never really had. It was good to be back. She squirmed a little deeper into her pillow nest and tried to soak up as much of the feeling as she could, since they were leaving again in a little over a week and wouldn’t be back until August.

She heard the chimes on her front door tinkle their familiar melody and sighed again, this time with great relief. Jimin was back from the gym. She had no idea where he found the energy, after all the travel and schedules and promoting for Dope . She could barely see straight at the end of the day and she wasn’t the one on stage.

“Hey, you still up?” Jimin asked softly from the doorway.

She unearthed herself from the pillows and giggled when her hair went a million directions with static electricity. Jimin snorted from the doorway, his own hair damp and clinging to his forehead from his recent shower. She swallowed hard and tried not to think about how good he looked. She’d been doing that a lot lately, what with the unreasonable amount of times he’d worn leather pants recently for music shows. Her brain helpfully supplied her with images of each of the boys in all black at the airport the other day on their way to Busan and she bit back a groan.

“How do you not suffocate with all those pillows?” Jimin asked, thankfully breaking into her thoughts.

“I’m very talented, that’s how,” Soohee replied, sticking out her tongue and laughing. Jimin walked closer, rolling his eyes. “What? I like feeling like I’m sleeping on a cloud.”

“You’re going to mess up your spine or something.” Jimin rolled his head from shoulder to shoulder as if in sympathy for her musculature. “One pillow is plenty.”

“Is that why most of them end up on the floor by the morning?” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Are you staging a coup?” Jimin chuckled and lowered himself to sit on the side of the bed, flashing her a mock-glare.

“Yes, I have been oppressed by your pillows for too long and must overthrow their authority.” He kicked off his house slippers and climbed under the covers. “Power to the people, not the pillows.”

“Well then!” She pulled three pillows to her side of the bed and threw the rest onto the floor, even going so far as to tug the one he was leaning against out from under his shoulders. For extra measure, she pulled all the covers away from him, leaving him with just the bare sheets under him. She made a big show of arranging hers just right before settling down into them and arching an eyebrow. “How’s independence feel now, Choe Namseon?”

“I think I’ve made a tactical error.”

Jimin frowned at the empty bed space around him. Soohee looked away and put her nose in the air pointedly, fighting the smile that was teasing the corners of her mouth. Jimin pouted and pressed his palms together in supplication.

“I was wrong. Pillows are the best. May I please have them back?” She ignored (as best she could) how stinking adorable he was and looked at him expectantly. He looked confused for a moment before tentatively saying, “I’m... sorry?" She nodded minutely, encouraging him to continue. "I'm sorry that I insulted your perfectly reasonable and not at all excessive pillow philosophy?”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the pillows.” She couldn’t keep her fierce expression for the whole statement and broke off into laughter on the last words. He nodded and solemnly climbed off the bed to gather all the pillows again. Very sincerely and with overwrought emotion, he apologized to each in turn with a deep bow before placing them gently back on the bed, making her laugh harder until she was nearly breathless. Jimin didn’t hold out very long before he joined her, giggling as he climbed back into bed.

Their laughter was just tapering off when his phone buzzed against the nightstand. “Sorry,” he muttered, scooped it up with a confused face. “I thought it was in night mode.” He snorted. “Oh, it’s my mom. For you.” He tilted the screen toward Soohee’s face so she could read.

“Oh, I’m glad the recipe worked. I know it seems like too much gochujang, but--” Soohee glanced up at Jimin’s face. He looked patiently and politely interested, but she knew he had to be exhausted. “Sorry. Just. Uh, tell her that’s great.” Jimin diligently started typing. “Oh, and thank her for having me to dinner. Again.” Jimin nodded. “Oh, and that kdrama she asked about is called--”

“Noona, can I just give her your number?” Jimin smiled sleepily. Soohee stared at him. “You two have a lot in common, so I’m sure this won’t be the last time I pass messages for you.”

“Would she… would she even want to text with me?” She’d enjoyed getting to know his mom a little better this week and had already thought of three things she wished she’d told her in the hours since they left Busan. But to have a conversation with her without Jimin? Soohee hadn’t really thought of the possibility before.

“Yes, of course she would. See, I just asked her and she said she’d love it. I’m doing it.” Jimin hit a few more keys and put his phone back down. Soohee’s phone next to it lit up momentarily. “I told her we’re going to sleep and you’ll text her in the morning.” Soohee nodded mutely, unsure of what to say. “Thanks, by the way, for this week. You’re really good with them.”

Something about his tone, a little surprised and maybe a little relieved, made her scrunch her nose. “I might have had crappy parents, Jimin, but I know how to be a good--” She cut herself off. She’d been about to say daughter, but that word had way too many implications she didn’t want to explore out loud right now. “--citizen. I’m very polite. Respectable. Adorable. Families love me.”  

Jimin chuckled and nodded, sliding down under the covers and reaching for her. She automatically turned on her side to face away from him and he pulled her against his chest. She could swear she felt the sharpness of his collar bones on her shoulders. She was too timid to reach out and touch more of him than he was offering, but she nestled in as close as she could get and thought very deliberate Chargey thoughts in his direction. He’d been working too hard lately and there apparently weren’t enough hours in the night to refill what he burned, so she’d been making an extra effort to make sure he had what he needed.

“Well, my family seems to love you, at any rate” Jimin said softly, picking up the thread of the conversation once they were settled. “Appa said Jihyun was kind of worried about meeting you, especially after he missed seeing you the last time we were out there. But you charmed him right away.”

“He was a little skittish at first, but he’s a good kid. I've learned a few tricks dealing with our shy Kookie.” Soohee smiled at the memory of Jihyun’s delicate blush when he bowed to her the first time and his scrunched nose after she’d made him laugh. “Actually, he reminds me a lot of Jungkook. How’d you end up with identical dongsaengs?” Jimin shrugged against her back. “Their mannerisms are even the same.”

“Well, Busan boys...” Jimin murmured. Soohee felt like there was something he wasn’t saying, so she stayed quiet. Eventually, he laughed softly and said, “It’s funny, I’ve known Jungkook so long now that it’s… not a thing? But I remember my first day at BigHit, walking into the practice room and doing a doubletake. I actually haven’t thought about that in forever.”

Soohee nearly held her breath, waiting to see if he’d go on. She’d come into their Bond with so much prior knowledge of him that it felt like they were always playing catch-up on her story. But she liked listening to him when he got like this, voice soft and a little vulnerable and occasionally dipping into his Busan satoori. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from asking him a million questions and possibly breaking the spell.

“I was the last to join Bangtan. You know that, right? Everyone else had been together for months before I even auditioned.” Soohee sensed something regretful in his tone. “Moving to Seoul was… well, it was a big step for my parents to let me go in the first place, but then the city was so busy and loud and everyone talked funny -- or, well, apparently I was the one who talked funny -- and the hours were insane. At least, that's what I thought at the time.” Jimin let out a mirthless laugh and Soohee’s heart twisted just a little for this teenaged version of Jimin who had very little idea of what his life was about to become.

“Anyway, I was so homesick at first. I loved being a trainee, but it was hard and I missed my family. And here was this little… bunny of a kid who looked just like Jihyunie and talked just like home and acted like a tough trainee but was really still kind of a little boy.” Jimin sighed softly, his breath barely ruffling Soohee’s hair. “Anyway, I needed a dongsaeng to baby and he needed to be babied, so it worked out well for both of us.” Jimin paused, then snorted. “And then they both went and outgrew me and talk back to me all the time and are just generally pains in my ass.”

“And you love them,” Soohee teased.

“And I love them,” he agreed simply. “Still baby the both of them, too. And I don’t plan on stopping any time soon.”

Chapter Text

Jimin woke slowly to the sensation of fingers running through his hair, his cheek pressed against someone else’s shoulder. He kept his eyes closed and waited to surface fully or drift back off. Hoseok murmured indistinctly nearby  and then laughed loudly, and Jimin’s lips curled upwards of their own accord, thinking of how tactile his hyung was. The touch was soothing and warm and maybe even... a little tingly? Jimin realized it wasn’t Hoseok at exactly the same time he heard Soohee speak softly.

“Shhhh, I don’t want to wake him. You guys aren’t going to have many opportunities to sleep on this trip.”

Jimin registered the white noise of the airplane and remembered where he was. Though, when they’d boarded, he’d been next to Taehyung. He wasn’t sure when or how Soohee had ended up in the seat beside him. He wanted to open his eyes and ask her or tell her she didn’t need to fuss over him, but the rhythmic pull of her fingertips against his scalp kept him in an in-between space where he was immobile with comfort.

“You should get some sleep, too,” Soohee continued. “We won’t be in Sydney for hours.”

“I slept for a little while,” Hoseok answered, his deep voice soothing Jimin along with Soohee’s gentle touches. “I’m wide awake now, though.” For a moment, all Jimin could hear was Soohee’s breathing and the hum of the engines. He was fading back into dreamland when he heard Hoseok say, “You’re really good at that, you know?”

“Good at what?”

“Taking care of him,” Hoseok offered simply. Jimin frowned internally (he wasn’t sure if it made it to his face, which felt slack and slightly distant) at the thought that he needed taking care of.

“I’m not-- I don’t--” Soohee started. Jimin thought he felt her sigh. “Someone should.” Hoseok must have made a face or something because she hastily added, “Not like that. You guys do a great job. I just wish he’d take better care of himself .”

Hoseok muttered something that sounded suspiciously like Yeah, well, that’s Jiminie for you and Jimin was really going to sit up and growl at him. But then Soohee tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and began idly playing with his earrings and suddenly he was melting into her shoulder and the airplane seat. He drifted for a bit and lost the thread of the conversation, until Hoseok laughed just loud enough to pull him back.

“I’m not kidding!” Soohee whispered fiercely. “I thought it was bad enough when you put the maknae in a cop uniform, but then all of you just--” Soohee made a soft, strangled sort of sound in the back of her throat and breathed out harshly. “You’ve all lost your nightstick privileges, by the way. Eunha was trying to convince me Seokjin could keep his, but--”

“Oh, did Eunha watch the fan meeting?” Even Jimin, in this half-awareness, could sense how casual Hoseok was trying to sound and how much he was failing at that. He wanted to tease him. He wanted them to know he was listening. He wanted Soohee play with his hair like this for the rest of the flight and maybe the rest of his life.

“Yes, she did.” Soohee drew out the words in a sing-song way that let Jimin know she was grinning. “She thought you, in particular, were incredibly believable as a cop. And rude.”

“Rude? How am I rude? What did I do?” Hoseok sounded genuinely concerned. Jimin tried to remember if he’d accidentally snubbed a fan or something, but everything was warm and blurry and floating right out of reach. “I’m a very nice guy! She thinks I’m rude ?”

“No, Hobi, it’s okay.” Soohee giggled. “It’s kind of… fandom slang? It means you were acting… sexy.” Her hand stilled, resting on Jimin’s shoulder. The flow of Charge was less interesting this way.

“Oh." Hoseok paused. "Oh! She thinks I looked sexy?” Hoseok was really living up his stage name right then, with how hopeful he sounded.

“Of course she does. Who wouldn’t?” Soohee mumbled. Jimin felt his eyebrows furrow and suddenly found consciousness much closer and more attainable. “Eunha has always had excellent taste and superior judgement.”

“She’s Taehyung’s fan, though.”

“So was I,” Soohee said. Jimin didn’t need reminding. She shrugged just enough to jostle his head. He blinked and a pitiful sound escaped his lips, finally able to sit up a little. Soohee’s hand gripped his shoulder lightly, pulling him back against her shoulder. Her lips hovered close to his ear and made his skin tingle again. “Shhhhh… Go back to sleep. We’re not there yet.” Jimin grunted and shook his head, but she started rubbing small circles on his back. “Come on, you’ve been working so hard. There’s nothing to do on the plane. Just rest. Please?”

And who was he to refuse a pretty lady such a kind request? She shifted a little, draping him across herself a little more firmly. He heard her ask Hoseok if anyone was looking at them and Hoseok reassuring her that everyone else was asleep and that Sejin was keeping watch before her fingers found their way to his hair again.

“Why are you so curious about Eunha, anyway?” Soohee asked, a teasing lilt to her tone.

“Oh, I’m not. I just. She’s your friend. I want to make sure she’s… happy?”

Soohee snorted. “She’s perfectly happy. And perfectly single.”

“I didn’t-- She’s very nice and really pretty and I’m sure she’s--”

“It’s okay, Hoseok.”

“No, I don’t want you to think-- She’s great, but I… I can’t,” Hoseok said, distressed.

“Oh, buddy, I’m kidding. I promise. I’m not playing matchmaker.” Soohee changed directions, brushing Jimin’s hair the other way. He was only half listening now.

“It’s not her though. I mean, God, I miss dating. And we’re technically allowed. After all, Jimin’s got you,” Hoseok said quickly. Soohee huffed out a breath. “But even if we didn’t have to worry about the idol stuff, when would--”

“I know. Romance doesn’t mix with this life,” Soohee said flatly. “Not for years for you guys, anyway.”

“Maybe not years…” Hoseok hedged.

“Anyway, I know you can’t right now. I was just teasing.” Soohee’s voice softened. “But if any girl could distract you or your brothers from your music and your careers? It’d definitely be Eunha…”

Soohee watched Hoseok wrestle with his water bottle and his phone with the earbuds plugged in, trying to shove his wallet into his backpack while it was still attached to both shoulders. She sighed through a chuckle and walked a few feet down the hotel hallway to help him. He beamed sleepily at her and told her which pocket he wanted it in. Jungkook slipped blearily out of his hotel room and joined the growing group near the elevators. As she did a quick headcount (they were still missing Namjoon and Seokjin), she heard Taehyung’s deep voice raised to a level of excitement that was entirely uncalled for at this early hour after such a long flight.

“I wanna see a kangaroo! And a wallaby. You think they’re just wandering the streets? Or will we have to go to the outback ?” Taehyung looked far too awake, but he allowed Jungkook to rest his forehead against his shoulder. Soohee was pretty sure Jungkook fell asleep standing up the instant he was supported. She zipped Hoseok’s bag shut and patted him on the shoulder to let him know he was free to go.

“Just watch out for the koalas. I don’t want anyone having to go to the hospital on this trip,” Yoongi rumbled, his voice scratchy with disuse. For a moment, the others just nodded sleepily, then one by one they all looked up in confusion. Hoseok took one look at them and stuck his earbuds in, leaning against the wall to wait several meters from whatever was happening over there.

“Hyung, what?” Jimin asked. Soohee wondered how in the world she wasn’t immune to his morning voice after all this time waking up next to him.

“They’re poisonous.” Yoongi shrugged, as if this bit of trivia was common knowledge. The others stared at him. He sighed deeply. “Didn’t you read your trip briefing? Come on, maknaes, those are really important. Management sends them by email now so you can’t even lose them.”

Soohee bit back a grin and stayed a ways down the hall to see how this played out. She knew for a fact that the maknaes skimmed their briefings at best (looking for call times and wardrobe notes only) and sometimes didn’t even open them until the managers brought it up in the car on the way to their next activity. The older boys were better, although even Yoongi had been known to ignore his own briefing when convenient. She knew for a fact the briefing said nothing of the sort, since she wrote at least half of it and proofed the rest.

“Poisonous? Really, hyung?” Jungkook said skeptically. But maybe also a little like he really wanted to believe the older boy.

“Yeah. They eat eucalyptus leaves.” Yoongi looked bored by the conversation, already pulling out his headphones. “Nothing else in the world can digest them, only koalas. And it’s because their stomach acid is made of poison. So just be careful, okay?” He lifted his headphones up as if to put them on. Soohee had to applaud him for his commitment.

“Those sleepy little tree-bears?” Taehyung asked, squinting. “With the fluffy ears?” He frowned. “Poisonous? Like if you eat them? Who would try to--” Yoongi cut him off with a scoff.

“No. Not if you eat them, if they bite you . They look innocent, but it’s part of their charm. Like a siren song. Or the pretty colors on a snake.” Yoongi rolled his eyes and scrolled through something on his phone, flashing it at them briefly. Soohee couldn’t quite tell from her vantage point, but she thought it was a koala yawning and showing off its teeth. “They’re razor sharp. Just. Watch out, okay. You could get really hurt. It’s even fatal sometimes.”

“Sure, hyung. Fine.” Taehyung looked like he badly wanted to roll his eyes and was holding back by a bare thread of respect. “We’ll avoid the killer koalas. I’m sure they’re just rampant in the city.”

“They’re everywhere. They’re like the ninjas of the marsupial world,” Yoongi said. Soohee marveled that he could pull off such a wild phrase with such a flat affect. The door next to Soohee opened and Seokjin stepped out while securing a hat on his head. “They look like they move slowly, but they strike in an instant. Ask Seokjin if you don’t believe me. He’s been to Australia.” The others looked in their direction. Seokjin looked up like a startled squirrel.

“Noona, do you know anything about koalas?” Jungkook asked instead, his droopy eyes full of trust.

“What?” Soohee asked, pretending she hadn’t heard any of this ridiculous conversation. She walked closer, Seokjin following her in bewilderment.

“Hyung says they’re poisonous.” Taehyung did not stop his eyeroll this time, safer now that he was facing away from Yoongi. Soohee watched Yoongi catch the movement anyway.

“Oh, yeah, totally,” she said, meeting Yoongi’s eye with a swift nod and a blank face. “Why? Are you worried, Tae? It’s not a big risk if you stick to the safety protocol.” The three youngest stared at her, their mouths dropping open. Yoongi’s eyes even opened a little wider before he caught himself and schooled his features. The others were too busy looking at Soohee to notice. Seokjin wisely stayed silent.

“Okay, fine, poison . Whatever,” Jimin said, pressing his lips together doubtfully. “Even if it’s true, it’s not like it’s risky in Sydney or Melbourne. They live in the jungle or something.”

“Well, I mean, it’s not as big of a risk in the city, but it still happens to a few hundred people a year, especially tourists,” Soohee said with a shrug. Yoongi nodded, an appreciative smile twitching at the corners of his lips. She narrowed her eyes at him ever so slightly, willing him with her brain not to ruin his own joke now. “They’re nasty little buggers. It was in your briefing. Did you not read it?” She looked from boy to boy, each growing more guilty the longer she looked. “Guys, you’ve got to start reading those emails. It’s very important information.”

“Really?” Jungkook stared at her. “Koalas?” Soohee nodded sagely.

“Eunha’s brother came here last summer on a school trip.” She shuddered delicately, knowing she had Jimin and Jungkook in the palm of her hand. Even skeptical Taehyung was teetering on the edge. “It was a narrow escape. Still made him super sick, but it wasn’t life-threatening. The scar’s pretty wicked, though.”

“If I get bit by a koala, will I get super powers?” Jungkook wondered under his breath, flexing a muscle slowly.

“No, Kookie, you’ll die ,” Seokjin chimed in. Soohee nearly ruined everything but swallowed her surprise at the last second. “It’s why they hug you and get all snuggly. So they can bite you and kill you.”

“Wait.” Taehyung looked stricken. They had him. “Is… that why you all call me a koala? I’ve gotten much better about the biting thing, I swear.” Soohee smiled fondly and squeezed his shoulder. Jungkook made a face that clearly communicated Taehyung hadn’t improved that much.

“Is there an antidote or anything?” Jimin asked. Soohee was suddenly glad Hoseok couldn’t hear them, as prone as he was to fret about things like this. Pranking the maknaes was one thing, scaring Hoseok was another. “Like, how big of a risk are we talking?”

“I’ve got to start reading those emails,” Jungkook muttered.

Namjoon walked out of his hotel room, and everyone looked up. A sleepy-eyed Sejin followed, tapping Hoseok's shoulder to get his attention. They both followed Namjoon to the larger group.

“What’s up?” Namjoon asked, surveying their expressions -- the maknaes looking concerned, Soohee and Seokjin serious, and Yoongi smug.

“Oh, you know, just punking the kids,” Yoongi said with a shrug. The three youngest immediately squawked indignantly. “You three are dumbasses. And Soohee, sister of my heart and partner in crime, I love you. Now let’s go see some kangaroos.”

“Did you see the crowd tonight? I mean, I know we sold out, but I still can’t believe how many fans we have here. Completely sold out. What even?” Jimin shook his head in wonder. He knew he was babbling but he couldn’t help himself. The adrenaline from their second concert was still burning strong in his bloodstream. Soohee simply nodded with a tired smile and let him continue. “I guess I just expected there were a lot of Koreans in Australia. I had no idea we had so many fans who are… not Asian. Did you hear them singing along? They knew a ton of the words.”

“Jimin.” Soohee smiled gently, and he was sure she was going to (politely) tell him to shut up and get ready for bed. Still, he couldn’t stop pacing their hotel room. “You guys are famous. Like, really famous. People all over the world know you and like you. It’s... incredible.”

“Right?!” Jimin looked over at her and grinned at the awestruck tone in her voice that matched his. “We’ve been doing this tour for months now, but it feels different now that we’ve left Asia. I just. There are all these people who don’t even speak Korean who are in love with our music and… It kind of breaks my brain thinking about it. And the thing is, we’re not even all that big in Korea -- we only just won our first music show a few months ago -- so how do we have so many international fans? It’s crazy!”

He jabbered on and she indulged him, sinking further into her pillow nest as the minutes slipped by. He just couldn’t get over the fact that it had only been a year since they’d done those four tiny international fan meetings and now they had a sold out world tour. He could feel the fractious energy fading from his limbs as he paced, but he still felt like he needed to do something.

“Why don’t you take a selfie and thank the fans?” Soohee suggested sleepily.

Jimin flashed her a smile and dug around in his bag for his phone. He opened Twitter but was instantly distracted by the commentary from fans. The ones in Korean were complaining about international fans being extreme, and the English ones seemed to mention Namjoon a lot.

“Jimin?” At her voice, he realized he was scowling. “What’s up?”

“ARMY’s mad about something. I think it’s what Joonie said yesterday, but it’s hard to tell.” Jimin scrunched his face in distaste. There’d been some hubbub after an interview, but Jimin had mostly stayed away from it. They were all exhausted and a little cranky and he’d been sure it would blow over. Instead, it looked like it was blowing up. “I wish I could read English better. We’ve been studying a lot for this tour, but I still can’t make sense of it on social media most of the time. Too many typos and slang and abbreviations.”

“Give it here.” Soohee sat up and reached for the phone. Jimin looked at her skeptically but handed it over.

She peered at the screen for a long while, scrolling occasionally. Jimin realized he had no idea what her English skills were. He’d assumed that, at best, she had the very basics from high school like most people their age. But as her face clouded over and her nose wrinkled and she unwittingly began holding the phone further and further away, he reconsidered.

“Noona?”

She looked up, startled. Her face became a blank mask of practiced nonchalance, but Jimin knew her better than that by now. He raised an eyebrow. She shrugged. He put on his stubborn face. She sighed.

“It’s not a big deal. Some of the international fans didn’t like his joke. It’s… It’ll be fine in a few days.”

“Soohee… What do they say?” Jimin had a sinking feeling. They would be in New York City in a day and a half (he was not looking forward to how much flying it would take to get there) and on stage in four days. They couldn’t afford a scandal right now.

“It’s nothing,” Soohee said, turning off the phone and getting up to get ready for bed. Jimin followed her like a bloodhound and she sighed. “Some of them are saying they’re going to refuse to acknowledge him at the hi-touch.”

“What?” Jimin growled. He hated when fans did that. ARMY was generally very good to them, but some fans got little too focused on their favorites and completely ignored the others. It happened frequently to his hyungs and he hated it. But for someone to choose to snub their leader on purpose? He felt rage simmering right under the surface of his emotions. “How dare they?”

“Well…” Soohee paused in pulling things out of her suitcase. “I’m not defending them, I swear, because that sounds like a really shitty thing to do no matter what. But I guess Americans have a big problem with comments about skin color? It sounds like his joke was pretty close to the kinds of things people say about African-Americans to hurt them and people are upset and I guess it kind of makes sense? I know Namjoon didn’t mean it like that at all, but…”

Jimin didn’t understand exactly what she was saying. How did Namjoon’s comment have anything to do with race-relations in America? He’d been making fun of Hoseok and Taehyung, two Koreans . Who also happened to be two of his best friends. He shook his head, already seeing in his mind the kind of face Namjoon would make when fans walked right by him. He’d be devastated and he’d try to hide it behind a goofy smile and some quip. Jimin ground his teeth at the thought.

“Listen, like I said, I think they’ll move on in a few days. But you can’t do anything about it right now anyway and I’m kind of hungry and really tired, so can we…?” Soohee motioned vaguely toward the bed. Jimin nodded, still distracted, but followed her example and went in search of his pajamas.

Soohee got ready for bed relatively quickly, but Jimin decided a shower might calm him down, a new and different surge of adrenaline keeping him on alert now. He was sure management was monitoring Twitter and was aware of the situation, but he still felt like reaching out to one of them for reassurance. Or maybe reaching out to Namjoon. Before Bonding, he’d probably have just wandered to the leader’s hotel room and bunked with him for the night to be close and give comfort. He felt a little torn now, with Soohee needing him for Recharging.

It was an odd line to straddle. No one had ever needed him like Soohee did, but he’d always kind of made himself available to the other members when they were struggling. Sometimes, he felt caught in the middle of two powerful magnets. With Soohee working for BigHit and around all the time, it was pretty easy to meet both demands, but sometimes he wondered about the future. When they all didn’t live together anymore. When she got tired of tagging along after them and wanted a different career. When there wouldn’t be enough of him to go around.

He shook the water from his hair and the thoughts from his mind. It was late and he should be sleeping. He reasoned that he could sleep on the plane, but it was never as good as the rest a real bed could offer. Plus, who knew if he'd get to sit next to Soohee. Recharging was more important right now. When he came out of the bathroom, all the lights but the bedside lamp were off. Soohee was looking at something on her phone with drooping eyelids and floppy hands, nearly knocking herself in the face every time she almost fell asleep. Maybe he’d let the water beat the tension out of his shoulders for a little too long.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, climbing in on his side of the bed. “Come here. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Okay.” She set down her phone on the nightstand and clicked off the lamp, but she perked up a little as they settled into their familiar spooning pose. “Are you feeling a little better?”

“Yeah, like you said. In a few days, everything will be fine.” Something niggling in the back of Jimin’s brain finally caught up with him. “Wait, since when can you read English?” He propped himself up on an elbow to peer over her shoulder at her face, visible only because of the city lights sneaking past the curtain. She rolled over a little and gave him a cheesy, secretive smile. He laughed. “First drawing, now English. What other secret skills do you have?”

“Hmmmm…” Soohee tapped her chin in mock thoughtfulness. “I make a mean tteokbokki, but unfortunately that’s less than useless to the two of us. Oh! Actually…” Her face morphed into something sly. “I can pick locks.”

“What? Why?” Jimin sat up fully and turned his lamp on, spinning toward her as soon as the room was lit again. “ How ?” Soohee laughed, squinting in the sudden light.

“I was really bored at work one day and the Internet is a treasure trove of helpful information,” she said lightly. “It takes me forever , and I can only handle the most basic locks. Besides, it’s not like I can break chopsticks with my butt cheeks or something.” Jimin groaned and flopped back on the bed. Soohee laughed and sat up to look down at him now, obviously pleased with the turn the conversation had taken.

“That was so embarrassing,” Jimin said, his words muffled by his hands over his face. “I can’t believe they made me do that. On camera.” He sighed and lowered his hands.

“ Made you?” Soohee raised an eyebrow, unimpressed with his excuse. Jimin rolled his eyes and huffed.

“Okay, fine, I totally volunteered for that.” He grimaced and she laughed. “But it really is embarrassing in retrospect. That whole show…”

“...was adorable and made ARMY love you all very much,” Soohee finished promptly. “I was especially fond of Taehyung in that ladybug outfit. Eunha and I laughed so hard.”

Jimin shook his head, mildly cringing inside. Rookie King had definitely gotten them a lot of fans and helped them establish their reputation for putting out backstage content that felt real and accessible. And he’d had a lot of fun. But there was no way in the world anyone could pay him enough money to go back and watch even one episode now. But at least he hadn’t been forced into a dress. That time.

“It wasn’t as bad as some of American Hustle Life , to be honest,” she said, catching his discomfort and needling it further. Jimin just groaned again and flailed lightly against the mattress. Soohee snorted.

“You’ve watched that, too?” He should have known. She nodded unrepentantly. He thought about all the ridiculous things they did on that show and smiled fondly. “Actually, we had so much fun with that. It was such a cool thing, to be in L.A. learning about hip hop.”

“Are you excited to go back?” Soohee asked.

She covered a yawn with the back of her hand and looked at him expectantly. Jimin glanced at the clock and felt badly for how late it had gotten. He reached out and turned off the lamp again before tugging her back down into their sleeping position.

“Yeah, I love L.A. But New York is the one I’m looking forward to the most, I think. It feels like… Well, New York City kind of feels like we’ve made it, you know?” Soohee nodded against his chest. “It’s going to be a show to remember.”

Chapter Text

Taehyung had found a baby. Soohee grinned and shook her head. Even on a 14-hour flight made up almost entirely of Americans and Australians, Taehyung had managed to charm a family with his mediocre English into letting him hold their baby. The mother watched him carefully from the row behind (just as Sejin did from the row ahead), but the father just muttered something that sounded like “Where is he going to take her?” in English.

Jimin leaned out into the aisle a little to make faces at the green-eyed girl with a purple bow stuck in her downy, chocolate brown hair. She laughed and squealed at Jimin. Taehyung chuckled and gently shushed her. Jimin smirked and did it again. The baby responded in the same way. Taehyung shot Jimin a quelling look (undercut immediately by his large, boxy grin) and spun the baby to face away from him. Jimin sighed regretfully and leaned back in his seat.

“Taehyung has all the luck,” he muttered without heat. “Or all the charm. Whatever it is, he’s always getting to hold babies and he never shares.”

“You like babies?” Soohee asked mildly, flipping through her magazine. She was tired of the confines of the plane already but wasn’t sleepy enough yet to pass the time faster with a nap. Jimin looked at her strangely.

“You don’t?”

“Of course I like babies.” She clicked her tongue in annoyance and rolled her eyes. “Who doesn’t?”

“Then why’d you ask?” he said, sticking out his tongue childishly. Soohee snorted.

“No, I mean, you seem like you really like kids. I know Tae does, but most boys your age just find them boring or annoying.” She shrugged, going back to the fashion magazine she’d picked up in the airport.

She had very little interest in fashion itself, but the lines and colors were giving her ideas for drawing, if she could ever find the time to pick up her pencils again. She laughed internally at herself, wishing for more spare time while she was trapped on a plane. But she hadn’t thought to pack her sketchpad or her pencils. Maybe she could buy something during their layover that she could use on the last leg to New York.

“Well, I’m not volunteering to take up babysitting as a side job or anything,” Jimin said idly, twisting the rings on his fingers and staring off into middle distance. “But someday… I dunno. I’ve always thought I’d have a few of them. Nothing huge, but maybe like… two or three boys? Loud and crazy and fun, like Bangtan.”

Soohee nodded along mutely, staring at her magazine without seeing anything on the page. She could imagine it. Three miniature versions of Jimin, apple-cheeked and full of high-pitched laughter, running around and causing trouble and taking dance classes with their Hoseok-samchon. For a split second, she was there, in the midst of the chaos and they were her boys, too. But then reality crashed down on her, the words on the magazine coming into sharp focus as she remembered where she was and who she was with.

She and Jimin would never have kids together. That was an impossible fantasy, even beyond wishing he shared her feelings. And even if, in some alternate universe, they were together like that, she didn’t want kids. Not after Bonding. It was one thing to dream about a family as an abstract concept, when she was six years old and playing with dolls or sixteen and babysitting for extra cash. When she’d been planning her future without a soulmate. But Bonding made people selfish, neglectful, and distracted. There was no way she could bring a child into that, not after seeing how badly her parents had done. It was just another thing she’d had to let go of when she’d seen the bruises on her palms.

But Jimin wanted kids. And not some alternate universe version of Jimin that wanted children with her. This Jimin, here and now, who’d told her she wasn’t his girlfriend and that’ll never be us, this Jimin dreamed of a family. Her mind’s eye shifted, supplying her with nearly the same image as before. Three miniature versions of Jimin, running through a dance studio laughing noisily. Jimin chatting with Hoseok. And Soohee off in the corner, watching as Jimin’s wife arrived to join the fun.

Her skin prickled with an uncomfortable feeling, something her brain linked with the defunct sensation of bile and nausea. She and Jimin were just platonic. She was working on accepting that. But she’d been so busy burying her feelings and trying to get through this tour that she hadn’t taken the time to think more than a few weeks ahead. The truth hit her hard now.

He was going to be with someone else someday.

Of course he would. Did she really expect him to be single for life? He was far too good looking and famous and kind and good not to share his life with someone else eventually. She gripped the magazine so hard she rumpled the pages a little. In mute horror, she realized was going to have to watch him fall in love with another woman. With Recharging, she’d have the tremendous daily privilege of being next to him while he dated and got married and started a family.

She mentally shook herself. Maybe by then, she wouldn’t have feelings for him anymore. Maybe she’d get over this and she’d be nothing but happy for him. Maybe she and his wife would become friends -- how else would they manage the awkward “Sorry I’m snuggling with your husband for our survival, you can have him back in an hour” situation? Maybe...

But it didn’t seem likely, with the way her heart squeezed when a fan lingered too long in front of him at an event or how much she didn’t want to get the distance she kept telling Eunha she needed.

“Anyway, that’s not for a long time.” Jimin yawned, unaware of the raging battle happening in the seat next to him. “I can barely see to the end of this tour. I just think that baby is cute and Taehyung is a selfish jerk.” He raised his voice slightly on the last words, so they would float across the aisle and up a row. Taehyung spun around and made a face at him. The baby cooed in their direction. Jimin laughed. Soohee was thankful, for the very first time, that the life of an idol didn’t leave a lot of time for dating.

Jimin’s eyes darted around the room, taking in everything and nothing all at once. He wanted to pay attention -- if there was ever a more important time to listen to his managers, he’d never experienced it -- but as hard as he tried, his brain only caught half-phrases while it counted to six time and time again.

“We can’t take that risk, not with something like--”

Monnie-hyung is fine. He’s safe. He’s right here. I can feel his heartbeat. He’s fine.

“--then the fans should really--”

Jungkookie’s too still, all locked up. If I can just stretch my arm out--

“It could cause a stampede. We can’t make this more unsafe--”

--oh, good, Jin-hyung’s got him.

“Have you talked to--”

Taetae. Where’s-- Okay, that’s his hand there, okay…

“It could be a joke. The Internet is--”

Is that Hobi-hyung shaking? Who is behind me? I need to--

“That’s not the only threat.”

Don’t bite your lip that hard, Yoongi-hyung. You’ll start bleeding and we don’t--

“What if we--”

They’re all here. One. Two, three. Four-five. Six. I make seven. There are only seven. No one’s missing. Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook. We’re all here. But where-- Seven. Only seven. Why do I keep--

“Sunbaenim, security is here to see you,” Soohee called from the door. Jimin’s eyes flashed to her in an instant, locking onto hers.

Eight .

“We’ve got to go back out there. Please.” Namjoon sounded like he was going to cry.

“It’s a big risk…” Sejin hedged. “We don’t know--”

Jimin had his hands or some other body part touching at least half his brothers, but there was this insatiable tug to let go and cross the room. Hoseok pressed a little closer behind him and he remembered he was exactly where he needed to be.

“Cancel the hi-touch,” Namjoon offered desperately. Jimin felt rage bubbling around the fear in his gut. He didn’t even need to see his leader’s face to feel how broken he was.

“We’ve already--” Sejin started, his face not unsympathetic.

“Pull us out of here the second we’re off stage!” Namjoon’s voice cracked. “We won’t even do the ment or anything. Just. This is all my fault and I can’t just leave it like this. At least let us say goodbye.”

Soohee’s jaw flexed minutely, and she swallowed hard. Jimin couldn’t miss even the smallest movement. Taehyung’s hand wormed its way into his, and he squeezed it blindly. He couldn’t look away from Soohee even if he tried. He wasn’t trying all that hard.

“One song,” Sejin said firmly. “Don’t say a word. We can’t add fuel to this. Path and that’s it.” Jimin could feel Sejin’s piercing gaze on each of their faces even as he saw Soohee’s worried expression. “ If the rest of you are okay with that. All of you. Or we go home right now.”

“Leader’s choice.” Yoongi’s voice was a sharp growl, but after all these years Jimin knew the emotions that lived in the layers beneath. Seokjin nodded at Jimin’s periphery. One by one, they all assented.

But Jimin couldn’t. Not yet. He didn’t know what he was waiting for. He trusted Namjoon with his life. Literally. If Namjoon and Sejin said yes, he was in. Should be in. But something anchored him to the tile floor in this backstage room and he couldn’t move and he could barely breathe and his skin felt like fire and ice and electricity and longing and he didn’t know what to do.

Taehyung squeezed his hand. Hoseok’s breath brushed the nape of his neck. All eyes were on him. All eyes. Soohee’s brows knit together subtly. She frowned. Tilted her head a fraction of a centimeter. Nodded as if unsure what she was agreeing to.

And like that, Jimin’s joints released. Jimin turned to Namjoon, gripped his shoulder, and said, “I go where you go.”

Jimin’s words were like the first domino in a chain reaction. Coordis rushed forward, towels dabbing away sweat and makeup brushes jabbing at faces and water bottles pressing against lips. He wanted to dodge them all like attackers on a battlefield to get to the other side of the room. But even if he could, Soohee was already moving away, calling out orders and handing people things before their mouths could fully form requests and seeming to be in sixteen places at once.

For a brief moment, Jimin wondered how they’d ever survived without her. It was a nice, if momentary, reprieve from the panic and confusion of the last few minutes. Because somehow, it had only been a few minutes. It had still been too long. They needed to get back on stage soon or everything was going to get so much worse.

So Jimin allowed his body to get caught in the wave of hands and clothes and microphones, buffeted toward the hallway without really choosing to move. A last glance over his shoulder told him Soohee was still hard at work, this time packing away their supplies. This would be the fastest they ever left a venue, he was sure.

He hadn’t expected, though, that they’d leave without her.

He didn’t think about it when they climbed in the van, too consumed with keeping his head down through the small crowd of waiting fans and trying not to think about how exposed they were in the open air of a New York sidestreet. But once they were on the road, weaving through city traffic on their way to the hotel, he asked. Everyone assumed she was in the next car.

It didn’t seem to matter to anyone right then, though, because the priority was to keep them hidden in Sejin’s hotel room with their hired guards at the doors. No one knew if the danger had passed. No one knew if the danger was even real . No one knew if there was only one threat, one person to be concerned about. No one knew if Soohee was still at the venue (Jimin prayed that wasn’t true) or in the car or waiting for him in their room. No one knew much of anything at all except that they needed to stick close and stay away from their normal routine.

And Jimin thought he might go insane with not knowing. So he paced and helplessly watched his leader fall apart and put himself back together again, all jagged corners with guilt and shame for glue. Jimin perched on the bed with twitching limbs and grinding teeth while he held their maknae and tried to find the words to soothe the fear. He breathed deeply and forced himself to be present even though it felt like half his mind was somewhere else, running up and down the city streets searching for something, anything, to make them feel safe and at peace and whole again.

“I want to call my mom,” Jungkook mumbled, breaking one of the many periodic silences of the last hours.

“I’m sure the company’s already talked to all our parents and told them we’re safe.” Seokjin ran his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. Jimin had moved across the room to sit between Hoseok and Taehyung, one shaking periodically and one barely moving at all.

“Yeah, I know, I just.” Jungkook sighed as if he couldn’t find the words. “I know this has nothing to do with them, but I just feel like I need to make sure they’re safe. Or something. I don’t even know. I just. I want to reach out, you know?” Yoongi nodded. They knew.

It was long after they would have returned from the hi-touch that the staff finally allowed them access to their phones and gave them permission to go to their own rooms. Jimin followed the pack down the hall, no one willing to let Namjoon out of their sight. Which is how they ended up voluntarily sequestered in Namjoon and Taehyung’s room.

Jimin paced here, too, watching his brothers with a keen eye for signs of distress. But aside from Namjoon, who seemed to have retreated into his own mind for awhile (Jimin knew it would take several days and a herculean effort to pull him back out again, but he also knew it was best to leave him be for the night) everyone seemed to be getting calmer. As their muscles loosened, Jimin’s wound tighter. His jaw and knuckles ached from how hard he clenched both.

He couldn’t explain why he felt so divided. These were his brothers. He wanted to be here, to comfort them and be comforted through the most terrifying night of their lives. He shouldn’t want to be tearing down the hall, knocking over people and running through walls to get to Soohee. She wasn’t the one in danger. She wasn’t the one hurting right now. He had no reason to worry about her at all.

He chalked it up to self-preservation. That had to be it. If her life was threatened, his was on the line. And vice versa. This had to be some primal fight-or-flight survival instinct that kept him teetering on the brink of hulking out and abandoning his family. Soohee is part of the family now , the memory of Yoongi’s voice echoed through his brain. Jimin shrugged off the thought with near violence. That doesn’t make her more important to me than Bangtan . I shouldn’t have to choose . And no one was making him choose, except possibly his stupid biology and the power of their Bond.

“Jimin, what are you doing?” Taehyung asked. Jimin looked up in surprise, unaware that he’d been snarling at the wall under his breath.

“Sorry, I was just--” But Jimin didn’t really have an end to that sentence, so he just shrugged and watched Taehyung bite into an apple.

“Not that,” Taehyung mumbled around his mouthful. “I meant, what are you still doing here?” Jimin blinked at him. Taehyung sighed and looked at the ceiling, like Jimin was being difficult on purpose. “Go. Now.”

“I’m exactly where I need to--”

“No, you’re not. And you’re an idiot if you think that.” Taehyung’s face was firm but soft enough to keep Jimin’s hackles from raising. “We’re fine. Get out of here.”

Jimin glanced around the room, feeling helpless and torn. Seokjin nodded swiftly, his feeble smile trying to be encouraging. Yoongi rolled his eyes and managed to motion toward the door without really moving. Even Hoseok and Jungkook, clutching one another tightly under the covers despite the heat of the summer night, looked at him with blank faces like he was being stupid. Namjoon wasn’t really present, staring at the wall without blinking. Jimin drifted over and rested a hand carefully on his shoulder. Namjoon looked up slowly with a confused stare.

“You doing okay?” Jimin murmured, close enough that he knew the rest couldn’t really hear. Or if they could, they were politely pretending they couldn’t. Namjoon blinked like he’d forgotten he was in a room with other people.

“What are you still doing here?” Namjoon’s eyes darted around the room, some of the earlier fear sparking back into them for a second. “Where’s Soohee?”

“Down the hall, I’d imagine. What do you need?”

“You don’t know where she is? Why aren’t you with her? Have you even talked to her? Is she okay?” Namjoon’s voice grew deeper and raspier with each question, concern etching his features.

“Hyung, I’m sure she’s fine--”

“Jimin, you have to go.” Namjoon stood up abruptly, his gangly arms and legs forcing Jimin to take a step backward to avoid being hit. “Right now. Go!”

The longer Jimin waffled, the more agitated Namjoon became, until he was headed toward the door more for the leader’s sake than for his own. A last, guilty look showed him Yoongi speaking low, directly into Namjoon’s face, and Taehyung motioning for Jimin to move faster.

The second the latch caught and the door was solidly closed behind him, Jimin felt relief flood his body. He forced himself to walk, rather than run, the short distance down the hall to his own room. He fumbled with his keycard for a moment, heart suddenly twisting in fear that the room beyond would be empty.

The room was dark. His breath caught. He grappled with the switch, the door closing automatically and stealing the light from the hall, before the bedside lamps finally came to life. Soohee was curled up in the armchair across the room, lamp light bouncing off her heart-shaped face, its golden hue not enough to add color back into her ashen complexion.

Jimin froze, his heart thudding back into a recognizable rhythm (he hadn’t realized it had been wrong before now). He stared at her, feeling the same pull as when they were backstage, only there was nothing between them now. But she was the first to move. She flew out of her chair and toward him.

He only got one step further into the room before her hands were on either side of his face. He froze again, unused to her initiating this kind of touch and kind of awed by the relief the Charge brought. But she just stared and stared, as if drinking him in. Scanning his face repeatedly, searching for something, though he wasn’t quite sure what. He found he was doing the same thing.

Suddenly, she seemed to come back to herself. She pulled her hands away and clenched them mid-air between them. Her face clouded for a moment, conflicted, before she rested them gently on his shoulders and surveyed him again.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, a tremor in her voice.

“We’re fine. Well, Namjoon’s pretty shaken. We all are. But we’re--”

“No. Are you okay?”

Jimin paused. Wasn’t that the same question? He lifted one shoulder.

“I’m safe. No one ever got near us. It was all kind of… theoretical.” It was a comforting lie, and he was clinging to it. “Everything’s okay now. You’re good? You’re okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” Jimin said. It was a true statement, even though he wouldn’t have done anything differently. No matter what he chose, he was going to be sorry. “Were you alone here the whole time or did you hang out with the coordis?”

“I just got back from the venue about a twenty minutes ago,” Soohee said, pulling her hands away from his shoulders self-consciously.

“You what?” Jimin surged forward, grabbing her upper arms. She stared at him in surprise. “You stayed at the venue this whole time?” Jimin’s heart pounded again, and he cursed this biological instinct that Bonding had apparently awakened inside of him. His reactions were too strong, too out of control, when he knew she was safe. He should loosen his grip. He was probably scaring her. And yet a million scenarios flashed through his mind and all he could do was pull her close into a hug. “I need you to stay safe,” he murmured against her hair.

“Right back at you,” she whispered hoarsely into his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him tighter. Jimin wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but he had the wild thought that he’d probably have been fine if it had lasted forever.

Soohee tucked her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she rummaged through her carry on bag. She blew her bangs out of her face and opened her mouth, only to be cut off before she started. For the fifth time in thirty seconds. Eunha was only gaining speed in her frantic questions and commentary. Soohee knew she was going to have to cut her off soon or risk her losing consciousness due to lack of oxygen, but she couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

She glanced around the private airport lounge, counting heads automatically until she got to seven, just as she’d been doing all morning. Each of them had headphones in and their faces buried in their phones, as if they were each in their own worlds. But there was also no space between them, everyone touching someone else in a big Bangtan chain.

“And it was all over and fine by the time I heard about it, but I was still so scared for you and--”

“Unnie--”

“I just kept thinking that Jungkookie is just a kid, a baby --”

“Unnie!”

“--and Hoseok is afraid of everything and Namjoon, god, Namjoon... I just. What in the world were they thinking, going back on stage like that? The risk--”

“Kwon Eunha, we are fine, I promise,” Soohee said firmly, finally breaking Eunha’s verbal stride. “Nothing actually happened. It was all… theoretical.” Soohee didn’t like the taste of the borrowed word on her tongue. Nothing had felt theoretical last night. It had all felt very practical and actual and real.

“Are you sure, because someone said Namjoon was--”

“I promise, I have personally spoken with and touched each of them in the last three hours.”

“And their tweets-- Wait. You touched them?” Eunha sounded both disbelieving and impressed. “All of them?”

“Yes, I’m growing, look at me,” Soohee said, rolling her eyes. “The point is, I’m not lying to you. They’re fine. Physically, at least. They’re not talking much. But… I’m not really either, you know?”

“Well, you can talk to me. If you want…”

“I honestly don’t know what to say.” Soohee found the hair clip she’d been looking for and juggled the phone a little to pull her hair away from her face. It was getting too long, almost brushing her shoulders now. She made a mental note to find a salon during one of the slow days in Chicago. Or maybe one of the coordis could trim it for her. She forced her mind back to the conversation, knowing she needed to say something to reassure her friend. “I just… It was the most scared I’ve ever been.” Well, that wasn’t what she intended.

“I bet…” Eunha sighed softly. “Wait, even more than the infamous Weekend of Starvation?” The attempted teasing made Soohee smile a little.

“Oh, absolutely. I didn’t have delirium to distract me this time.” Soohee tried to keep her voice light. She wasn’t sure she succeeded. She sighed. “Besides, I wasn’t really scared for my safety, like I was then. I was scared for them . I just kept thinking… What if something happened to one of them? What if I lost my…” Soohee paused, voice and thoughts caught in her throat.

“Soulmate?” Eunha supplied. Soohee shook her head with a grunt, brain scrambling for the right word to describe what they were to her. “Job? Friends?”

“...family.”

It was such a simple word. One that should not have been so hard to find. But it was also new and a little confusing and incredibly overwhelming. She wasn’t sure when it had happened. When she’d started believing Yoongi’s words, Sejin and Hobeom and Narae’s reassurances, Jimin’s actions. But somewhere along the way, she’d started to trust them. To need them. To feel included, not just present.

“Oh, friend… That must have been terrifying.”

“It was.” Soohee cleared her throat. “But it’s over now and they’re safe.”

Soohee stared across the lounge, counting again, even though no one had really moved. At some point, she would calm down and stop checking on them every ten seconds, stop raking her eyes over Jimin’s face for any signs of strain or worry, stop having waking nightmares of all the ways last night could have ended differently. She thought back to the horrible dreams she’d had after watching I Need U . She snorted mirthlessly at how silly that felt now.

She wasn’t really up for a play-by-play, but she knew Eunha needed at least a few details to keep her from going crazy with all the what if s. Although, Soohee had all the details and was still struggling with that. As she filled her friend in on the basics of what happened the night before, she watched each boy across from her, weighing and measuring their tension.

Namjoon hadn’t said more than ten words since he woke up that morning, as far as Soohee knew. Jimin was sitting as close as possible to him, on his right side, present and alert. Hoseok was on his left, carefully not looking at him and yet watching him the whole time. Not that Namjoon seemed to notice either way, as deep as he was buried inside his own head, but Soohee liked knowing they were there if he needed them.

Jungkook and Taehyung shared earphones, playing a game on Jungkook’s phone quietly, Seokjin’s glance flickering over their shoulders occasionally. Soohee was pretty sure he wasn’t actually reading that book. And Yoongi’s eyes never stopped moving, facing away from the rest and surveying the small lounge and the entryway like a slouched sentry.

“So, anyway, the boys went back to the hotel and I stayed behind to clean up and help with the fans,” Soohee finished, bone weary at only ten in the morning. “My English is better than some of other the staff, so I helped make sure everyone got where they needed to go.”

“You stayed? At the venue? Where the threat was?” Eunha’s tone reminded her of Jimin’s the night before. Not as gruff but definitely as angry-scared. Soohee could still feel the grip of his hug on her skin.

“The threat had been dealt with,” Soohee said defensively. She still wasn’t willing to admit it out loud (and definitely not where any of the boys could overhear her), but she was now sure this wasn’t just a crush. Everything last night had been too intense for anything less than love. Terror was incredibly clarifying. “I needed to do something . I needed to help. I couldn’t be with the boys, so I wasn’t going to sit and do nothing. I would have gone crazy.”

“I’m surprised they let you do that. I mean, your safety is Jimin’s safety.”

“I might have… thrown a bit of a fit.”

“What?” Eunha sounded like she was choking. “ You ? Talked back to authority ?”

“Well, they wouldn’t let me see Jimin. I got a little… protective. And aggressive.” Soohee blushed. “It wasn’t like I planned it. It just… happened. Anyway, Narae was kind of willing to give me anything after that, to calm me down. So I chose to stay and help.” Eunha barked a laugh.

“Only you would throw a tantrum to get yourself more work.”

“Working is... therapeutic.” Soohee glanced at the clock on the wall. Their flight would board in about a half an hour. She did some quick math. “You should probably get to bed. You have work in the morning.”

“That’s not important right--” Eunha cut herself off, and Soohee could hear muffled voices in the background. The line cleared and Eunha said, “My mom says she’s very glad you guys are okay and hopes the rest of the tour goes smoothly.” There were more muffled voices and Soohee was pretty sure she heard Eunha hiss I am not telling her to come home this instant. This is her job , mother.

“Tell her thanks.” Soohee smiled fondly. Her own mother might frequently forget Soohee was alive, but she could always count on Eunha’s mom to worry. “Oh, speaking of mothers, my mom texted me this morning.”

“What?!” There was a thunk and a scrabbling noise that Soohee was sure meant Eunha had dropped the phone. “Sorry. She actually heard the news? And texted? She was worried?”

“Oh, no, nothing like that.” Soohee snorted. “She’s looking for that book on interior design that I lent you. She needs it for work or something. Can you return it to her?”

“Why do I always expect her to be more than she is?” Eunha asked with a sigh.

“I don’t know. I stopped that years ago.” Soohee watched as Jimin tucked himself closer to Namjoon and whispered something in his ear. Namjoon just shrugged and shook his head. Jimin sighed and bit his lip before returning to his phone. “I honestly don’t even care anymore. I’ve got more important things to worry about now.”

Chapter Text

Jimin laughed at Taehyung as he pointed out all the buildings he wanted to buy, as if they would be rich enough someday to own half the Chicago skyline. He played along, though, choosing his own building across from Taehyung’s, the tallest and brightest against the night sky, with two blinking spires. The view reminded him of Seoul a little, how the city lights blocked out the stars. He tamped down the homesickness, reminding himself that this tour was something they’d been dreaming of since debut.

No one was really talking about it, at least not as a group, but they were all feeling an eastward tug. It was harder than the last time they’d visited America and everyone knew why. But things had also calmed down in the last few days and New York felt just a little bit more distant. The fans in Dallas (who had apologized so sweetly and unnecessarily all the way through the hi-touch) and the fun adventures they got to have for their Now3 photoshoot were helping a lot. It had all been planned long before they left Korea, but it felt like the perfect timing for a distraction. Namjoon was still taciturn for much of the day but had to force himself into his Rap Monster role for the camera, which Jimin secretly thought was a good thing. It allowed him a little distance and reprieve from the inner workings of his brain.

Playing along the River Walk this morning had been so fun, and Jimin smiled at his reflection in the glass of the viewing tower. He’d looked pretty good today, his jawline sharp and his arms lithely muscled and his ass practically worshipped by those leather pants. He chuckled at the thought. His brothers would mock him if he said such prideful things out loud, but he was feeling too good to curb his thoughts.

He wrestled with Jungkook a little, then crowded Hoseok up against the glass, just to hear him make that muffled squeal about being so high off the ground. They both knew there was zero risk with the heavy glass between them and the outside world, but Jimin liked to tease and Hoseok liked to let him. Finally, the managers called out that it was time to leave. Jimin was honestly a little relieved, feeling ready to be done with the long, full day. They’d been at a breakneck pace for over a year now, but this might be the most exhausted he’d ever been.

In the crowded elevator ride down to the street, it was only Bangtan and their staff, so it was easy for Soohee to lean against his back and press a little Charge into their skin. It felt nice. Comforting. She’d been finding these tiny moments for weeks now, but he’d never been so grateful for them as he had been in the last few days. Even if it meant that he spent more time in the gym to compensate.

But something started turning in his brain and the more Jimin thought about it while following their crew out to the van, the more confused he got. They were getting several hours of sleep and Charge per night. He always felt fine, but he began to wonder if she wasn’t getting enough somehow.

By the time he was opening the door to their hotel room, he’d worked himself into a decent level of worry. Possibly more than was warranted, but that was just the Bond talking again, he was sure. They’d all been on edge for days now, worrying about safety. It was probably just the layers of stress and exhaustion and general worry on him at the moment.

“Hey, um… listen,” Jimin said when the door shut behind them. He cleared his throat. “Are you doing okay?”

“What?” Soohee looked up from her suitcase, her hands stilling on the zipper. She frowned curiously. “Yeah, I’m pretty tired, but I’m alright. Why?”

“You just… I noticed in the elevator earlier. Are you getting enough Charge?” Soohee looked at him, slightly bewildered, and nodded. “You just seem like you need more lately and I wanted to check.”

“More?” Soohee blushed, and Jimin felt like a jerk. She’d barely started initiating skinship with him. He needed to be careful or he’d knock them back to the beginning, when she was so skittish. He preferred when she was confident and told him things and spoke her mind and came looking for him when she needed something.

“It’s fine, really, if you need more,” he said quickly. “No big deal. I swear. You’ve just been seeking me out more and I want to make sure you’re not… deprived or something.”

“Oh, that.” Soohee bit her lip. Why did she look so… guilty? “Yeah, I mean, we’re always so busy and I’m sure we get enough at night, but a little more can’t hurt, right?” Jimin nodded but could feel they were descending into nervous babble territory. He opened his mouth to cut her off (and save her from herself), but she continued. “It’s a lot of long hours and you guys dance like seven hours a day and then you’ve been at the gym so much lately--”

“Wait,” Jimin said, feeling eerily calm. Something in her tone, in the way she wouldn’t meet his eye, in how often she’d been asking about the gym and his workouts, something wasn’t adding up. “Are you doing this for you or for me ?” Soohee bit her lip. His stomach churned.

“Me? Mostly? I guess.” She scuffed her shoe on the floor. “Charge is always nice. But you know, it’s my job to take care of you and you’re already pretty skinny as it is and the toll this life takes on your body is--”

“Noona.” Jimin clenched his teeth, a flare of frustration igniting in his chest. Had she been trying to... fatten him up ? Surely he was wrong. He kept his tone even and said, “I’m perfectly fine. And it’s not your job to take care of me. Not like this.” Soohee frowned. Jimin took a deep breath.

“Sure it is.” She shrugged nonchalantly, but Jimin saw the stiffness of her spine. “No one else can, so I--”

“ I can,” Jimin said, irritated that she thought she was the only one in this equation. “I can take care of myself and decide what I need and when I need it. And what I don’t need is someone babying me and pushing calories on me and… and monitoring my body.” Soohee wrinkled her nose at his word choice, but Jimin raised his eyebrows and looked at her fiercely. “Noona, I’m fine.”

“No. You’re not,” Soohee said flatly.

Jimin clenched his jaw tight. She shook her head as if she was disappointed in him. This was not where he’d expected this conversation to go and he’d rather they just quit while they were ahead. She was hesitating, so he nodded swiftly and forced his face into a half-smile to defuse whatever this was that was already getting under his skin.

“Whatever. Just leave it alone, okay?” He started pulling the rings off his fingers to get ready for bed. “I know what I’m doing. I’ve been doing just fine, and I was fine long before you got here. I don’t need your help.” He was barely calm and he could tell she wasn’t happy either. He’d never been mad at her before, not like this, and he didn’t like it. He needed some space too cool off before his temper got the better of him. He smirked, remembering her favorite phrase and trying to make a joke of it. “I’m fine, noona. I’ll be okay .”

He chuckled and turned toward his suitcase, but she stepped forward, into his space. Challenging him. Jimin turned back and squared up with her, weighing her expression.

“You’re not fine,” she said softly, her eyes wide and almost pleading. He hated when she did that. “I could count all of your ribs through the armhole of your shirt this morning.” His eyebrows shot up at how direct her words were. “You aren’t taking care of yourself. And it is my job to make sure each one of you stay healthy and get enough rest and goddamn eat . So yeah, I’ve been trying to give you a little extra nutrition, here and there, so that you don’t pass out or hurt yourself. It’s like handing Tae a snack or dragging Yoongi home from the studio. It is my job.”

Jimin stared at her. It was one thing to consider that she’d been a little extra hungry some days and thought she found a convenient way to “help” him, too. But this. This was a concerted effort to undermine all of his hard work. His stomach boiled with barely controlled anger. This was nothing like her help with the other boys. They could say no .

“Well, your job is fucking with my job, Soohee. Do you get that?”

He could feel his face heating up. A voice inside his head told him to be careful, to back down and lower his volume, so he didn’t set them back after the weeks of progress they’d made. But he couldn’t stop himself, not when she just pursed her lips patiently like he was throwing a tantrum.

“My body, my image, my muscles… they’re all part of my resume. I’ve had to work out twice as hard since we Bonded, to maintain what people expect of me. And here you are, sabotaging me at every turn. This doesn’t help me. Stop it.”

He’d barely been clinging on to his place in Bangtan before she crash landed into his life, barely keeping the fans happy and his image in check and his chubby cheeks under control. But his soulmate, supposedly the one person in the universe who would understand him, who would get the pressure he was under and his passion to succeed… His soulmate was actively working against everything he needed to accomplish.

“Sabotage?” Soohee blinked at him incredulously. “I’ve done nothing but support you this entire time. I’m just trying to take care of you. Sabotage , really?” She scoffed.

“Yes,” he yelled, unable to control his rage now. He clenched his fists and tried to clench his teeth. His words escaped him anyway. “You’ve been doing this on purpose. You knew what I was trying to do, to prepare for this tour. And you also knew how hard it is for me now, with this obnoxious soulmate skinship thing.” His volume was rising with every word and her eyes were widening and it was all spilling out and he couldn’t stop it and she wasn’t backing down. “I mean, we’ve been over this before, Soohee! Who do you think you are, to make this choice for me? You’ve decided that I can’t be trusted to take care of myself, so you just did whatever the hell you wanted. You knew it would fuck everything up and you did it anyway.”

“Yes!” Soohee shot back, throwing her hands out to the side in exasperation. “God forbid I want you to be healthy! I’ve done such an awful thing to you, caring about you.”

“You don’t care about me,” Jimin spat. Her eyes widened and the high coloring in her cheeks faded swiftly. Jimin kept pushing, sensing he’d hit a nerve but not knowing or really caring how. “If you did this, then you don’t even know me. Because you have no idea what this industry is really like and you haven’t bothered to learn.” Soohee opened her mouth, but Jimin couldn’t stop. “You’ve been too caught up in playing make-believe in Idol Land . Do you only care about the excitement and the celebrity perks? If you cared about me , you never would have even thought to do this. This was selfish and arrogant and completely ignorant.”

Jimin’s chest was tight and heaving with emotion and something that felt a little like fear. He felt backed into a corner and couldn’t help but lash out. She had no right to make this decision for him, to decide what healthy looked like for his body. And she had no idea how different healthy and perfect were, how unattainable both could be. He couldn’t believe she was standing by this, telling him she was right when she was so clearly wrong.

Soohee shook her head in disbelief, backing away from him slowly. “If you think that, then you don’t know me at all.”

“How can I?” Jimin snapped. “You don’t let anyone in. I bend over backwards to give you your space and make sure you’re adjusting and getting what you need. I never ask you about your family, even though it might be really good for you to stop avoiding how you feel all the time.” Soohee’s jaw snapped shut and her lips pressed into a firm line. “But I don’t. I don’t push you and I don’t ask you to do anything that’s uncomfortable for you. But you didn’t give me the same respect. You never think about how I feel in all of this.”

“Like hell I don’t.” Soohee said softly, the rasp of her voice harsher than when she yelled. “My entire life is all about you--”

“Well, then maybe you should get a life of your own!” Jimin shot back.

He didn’t even know what he was saying anymore, plagued by all the hours he’d spent in the gym, going the extra mile to burn off what he’d thought he’d sacrificed for her . It had been worth it then, when he thought it’d at least given her something good. But now it all turned sour. It wasn’t her place to make this decision for him. If the tables were turned and he was trying to modify her weight and her diet without her knowing, she’d be horrified.  

“This is my life.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “This is my life and my job and my world . I don’t need you… doing any of this. This isn’t your place. So just back off.”

“Fine, Park Jimin,” Soohee said coldly, formal speech and honorifics back after weeks of Banmal. His breathing was ragged from yelling and his heart pounded in his chest, but she looked nearly serenely calm. The shift took him off guard. “Know my place. Sure. Okay. Fine. You do whatever you want, Jimin. Starve yourself. I promise you, it’s a terrible feeling, but if it’ll make you happy, then fine. Do it. I won’t interfere.” She shook her head and breathed a mirthless laugh through her nose. “I’m going to bed.”

Jimin stood there spluttering. He wasn’t done yet. She’d conceded, but somehow, he hadn’t won. Her walls were so high right now, Jimin felt like he shouldn’t be able to see her as she gathered her pajamas and stalked to the bathroom.

He was still standing in the same place she’d left him, furious and impotent, when she returned and climbed onto the king size bed. She plugged in her phone and turned off the lamp on her side of the bed. She turned and looked at him expectantly.

“What?” he said, still waspish from the incomplete fight and the sudden silence.

“Are you going to get ready for bed?”

He stood still for a moment. He had no interest in snuggling up to her and making nice. He was still too angry and betrayed and confused by the strange turn everything had taken. Her calm exterior turned stony and she huffed out an annoyed sigh.

“Jimin, it’s after midnight and you have to be up at six for a full day of photoshoots and public activities. I mean, I know you want to cut some calories, but 24 hours seems excessive even for you.” She raised her eyebrows sardonically and rolled over with finality. Facing away from him, she said, “I’m going to sleep. You decide what you need.”

Jimin scoffed and snatched his shorts out of his bag. For good measure, he snagged a t-shirt, too (tonight was not the night for his Shirtless Game). He strode to the bathroom and slammed the door. Where the hell did she get off being pissed at him ? She had no right, no leg to stand on. He fumed through brushing his teeth (with the unsatisfying plain water) and taking a very thorough shower and possibly staring at the wall while deep breathing for a while. Unlike his usual bursts of temper, this one wasn’t fading away into remorse and regret. He was right. She was wrong. And she was waiting in his bed.

He found her asleep when he finally returned to the room. How she could drift off so quickly when he felt like this just made him more frustrated. He stared at her back for a long moment, nose wrinkling at the idea of pulling her close and taking on even more Charge. But she’d been right about one thing: 24 hours was too long to hold off. So he sighed and climbed under the covers, petulantly pressing the flat of his back against hers in the barest, most minal contact he could manage.

Soohee floated in a liminal space where everything was warm and light and so, so comfortable. She snuggled deeper into the sensation, internally pouting about being even this awake. Her nose brushed something soft and firm and she breathed deeply, taking in a scent that was clean and fresh and just a little tart, like perspiration and salt. Jimin . She smiled softly, feeling herself surfacing more quickly now but refusing to give it credence. If she stayed still enough and quiet enough, she could stay in this place and play make-believe for just a moment.

She could pretend they were a couple. A normal couple. Waking up in each other’s arms because they wanted to be there, because they loved one another and couldn’t bear to be apart, even in sleep. She could pretend he wanted her like she wanted him and that everything was perfect. And for a half a second, it was. This warm and light and comfortable illusion.

But her brain wouldn’t let her stay under. It kept climbing and stirring and waking. She became aware, slowly, that something was not normal. She was on her side, like she always was, but her arms were wrapped around him, one palm resting on the sharp outline of his shoulder blade. Her chest and belly were pressed against his muscled front, hips perilously close to his. Was that her thigh? Hiked over his hip? It had to be, because that was his leg, tangled between hers.

She froze, trying to not tense and wake him and call attention to this intimate pose. They never slept like this, with her face buried in his clavicle. Her nose resting in the ample hollow of his collar bone. Lips scant millimeters from his skin. She waited with her eyes still closed, holding her breath and blushing, to see if he was awake and if she needed to burst into flames. His breath came in the same even pattern, rising and falling and rising again. Now that she was fully alert, she could feel it tickling the short hairs on the top of her head.

She was usually so careful, even while unconscious, to keep her body still and not intrude on his space. When had she turned around in his embrace, changing them from spooning to… this . They’d fallen asleep in their regular position, right? Soohee sucked in a sharp breath and froze again.

No. They hadn’t.

She recalled the way he’d gotten into bed, pressing his back against hers, tense and angry and reluctant to touch her at all, and the way she’d pretended to be asleep to make it easier for both of them. Everything came flooding back. The fight. The shouted words. The ugly accusations. The guilt.

This doesn’t help me. Stop it.

He’d looked so betrayed. It twisted and burned like a thorn under her skin. She was wrong. So was he, but that was less important right now. She opened her eyes slowly. All she could see was the lean muscle in the side of his neck and the razor-sharp edge of his jaw. She closed them again quickly, aching for how thin he looked and how much she’d screwed up.

You knew it would fuck everything up and you did it anyway.

She’d thought she’d been helping. Because no matter what he said, he was too thin and did work too hard and wasn’t taking care of his body. But he was also right. Because if she’d asked him if he wanted more Charge to stay healthy, he would have refused her offer. That was why she hadn’t asked. That was why she’d done it secretly. Her intentions had been good, but they turned to ash in light of stealing his freedom to choose for himself.

I was fine long before you got here. I don’t need your help.

Suddenly, she felt like she couldn’t breathe, as all of his words crashed down on her again and again. Every worst fear she’d had about the two of them was confirmed, like someone shuffling through papers and rubber stamping each one.

...this obnoxious soulmate skinship thing...

Who do you think you are?

I don’t need you…

This is my life and my job and my world.

...you should get a life of your own.

This isn’t your place.

Back off.

As carefully as she could while she was shaking and gritting her teeth to keep the tears at bay, she extricated herself from his arms, sliding off the bed and heading for the bathroom. As soon as the door was shut behind her, she slipped down the wall and onto the floor, moisture springing from her eyes without her permission. She gripped her mouth with both hands to stifle any sounds that might wake him up.

You don’t care about me.

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to block out the truth. Her tears just flowed faster. She’d basically confessed last night. It was round-about and shouted and inelegant, but she’d told him she cared about him. She hadn’t said the words I love you or told him how glad she was to have him as her soulmate or how scared she was of losing him. But it was all there. And she’d said more than she’d ever thought she would, in the heat of the moment and the desperation to get him to understand. He’d thrown it back in her face.

She had to stop this. This wishing and hoping and pretending . She’d thought she was only hurting herself with it. And God, loving him ached sometimes. But somehow, she’d managed to hurt him, too. By not keeping her distance and trying to be more than he needed and asking too much of their relationship. She shook her head, a heavy grief settling on her shoulders and seeping into her skin.

He didn’t want her. He never had. He hadn’t misled her, never given her any kind of hope. She’d done this to herself and it was hurting both of them.

The reality was, she couldn’t get the physical distance she needed to get over him. She didn’t know how to not love him. Being his friend, his platonic soulmate, wasn’t working. She needed to put more space between them and that was nearly impossible. She swallowed hard and tried to stop her weeping. It was so stupid, crying on the floor of a hotel bathroom for a boy who never asked for this or wanted this or needed this. She needed to be stronger, to be better, to let him make his own choices. To respect the choices he’d already made.

She had no idea what time it was, but remembered there’d been weak sunlight through the curtains as she’d raced past them. Jimin would be getting up soon. She needed to give him the space he’d asked for. She looked longingly at the shower for a second, but decided it would be too noisy. She could skip one morning. She made do with the toiletries on the counter and slipped back into the jean shorts she’d worn yesterday and left in here last night. Jimin had rolled onto his back, starfished across the mattress, and was still fast asleep. She was grateful for small mercies.

She checked his phone to make sure his alarm was set and was reminded of how close they’d gotten that she knew his passcode. Too close. She set the phone back down and thought about leaving him a note or sending him a message about where she was going. But that was exactly the point. He didn’t want that. She was part of the staff and easy enough to find. He had her number. She needed to let him be the one to seek her out, because if it was up to her, she’d never leave his side.

She sighed softly and grabbed her shoes and a fresh shirt. She’d change in the bathroom in the lobby. It was 5:57 am. Time to leave. She watched him sleep for a second longer, chest aching at the small crease in his brow and the light pout on his lips. She had a feeling he wouldn’t wake up  as gently or as forgetful as she had. She regretted that, deeply. She would have to find time to apologize.

Soohee crept down the stairs groggily, feeling like a ghost in this unfamiliar house. Everything inside was quiet, but she could hear the muffled echo of the chaos in the yard, which had woken her from an accidental nap. When they’d told her they were renting a whole house for the second half of their stay in Chicago, she’d secretly thought it was kind of excessive. But now that she was here, she was so grateful for a period of rest and normalcy before they got back to hotels and takeout -- she obviously didn’t care about the food, but the joy on the boys’ faces when Narae made them a traditional Korean dinner, complete with side dishes, made her very happy. Though she hadn’t exactly heard them complaining as they ate their way through a Dallas barbecue joint.

She heard a high-pitched shriek, followed by a childlike giggle. She paused and looked out the window, wondering how any of the boys could make that sound. Soohee blinked, staring in confusion as Taehyung and Jimin and Hoseok chased a small girl around the small grassy plot. Namjoon and Seokjin were watching from lawn chairs, laughing at their antics. And was that… was Min Yoongi holding an infant?

“Jeon Jungkook, I still cannot get over how giant you are. What are they feeding you?” a woman’s voice floated through the open screen door. Soohee changed her angle in time to see the woman prod Jungkook’s shoulder experimentally while he laughed. “Last time I saw you, you were scrawny and your voice still squeaked.”

“Noona!” Jungkook groaned. Soohee caught his mischievous grin through the screen. “Well, the last time I saw you , you didn’t have two babies, so I guess we’ve both grown up a little.”

Soohee’s sleepy brain finally reminded her that Jungkook had a family friend here in Chicago. After New York, management wanted to limit their public exposure, so they’d decided to bring the woman and her husband here. Soohee hadn’t been part of the planning, so she didn’t know there would be children. The little girl shrieked again as she dodged Taehyung’s long arms. They seemed to be playing some complicated version of Tag that involved freezing in place and falling down on purpose. Hoseok was squealing nearly as much as the little girl.

“Hana is nearly four. Not so much a baby anymore,” the woman said wistfully. “It’s not like I haven’t been keeping up with you guys, but you’re just so much taller in person than on Twitter.”

“You follow us on Twitter?” Jungkook’s voice was nearly as childlike as Hana’s in its excitement.

“We watch all your MVs when they come out. Ten AM is Kpop Hour here in Chicago,” the woman said conspiratorially. “This new album is wonderful, by the way. Although, Hana still prefers Bulletproof. Or, well, she calls it Pullitgrooz , but it’s her favorite.” Jungkook laughed and ducked his head in pleased modesty.

Soohee watched them talk and the boys play for another few minutes, feeling oddly on the outside. She hadn’t felt that way with them in weeks, but after the fight with Jimin, everything had tilted on its axis just a little. She was still wrestling with how to give Jimin the space he needed without avoiding all of them -- her love for him and her care for the others were all tangled together and she hadn’t unwound it all yet.

She watched Jimin flop on the grass and sprawl dramatically, just to make Hana giggle. Soohee missed him. Physically missed him, with tingling skin and aching heart. From the outside, everything looked okay. Jimin seemed to have forgiven her. After she’d snuck out of the hotel room the morning after their fight, they’d spent the whole day carefully finding reasons to be away from one another, so it wasn’t until they were getting ready for bed that night that they’d had to confront it.

It had been awkward at first. Soohee didn’t even know if he wanted to talk to her or how much to actually apologize for, since she felt badly about how she’d gone about it but couldn’t really regret wanting to help him.

“About last night…” she’d started after he’d walked into the hotel room much later than she expected. She’d wondered for a little while if he would just room with Taehyung and figure out Recharging later. She wouldn’t have blamed him, since everything was so messed up.

“Yeah, it’s… It’s fine.” He hadn’t been able to meet her eye.

“It’s not,” she’d said softly. “I shouldn’t have… I thought I was helping and I didn’t-- Anyway, I’m sorry.” Jimin had nodded, still across the room and making no move to close the distance.

“I was really angry.” Jimin’s words were slow and measured. Soohee hadn’t been sure if they were about to rehash it all in calmer voices or if he was apologizing, too. “I’m still pretty angry, to be honest.”

“I get it.”

“Do you?” Jimin had looked up skeptically.

“Yes, I heard you. Loud and clear.” Soohee cleared her throat, really hoping they could leave it there. She wasn’t sure what else there was to say without getting upset all over again. She tried her best to say everything in as few words as possible. “I’m, uh, backing off. So don’t worry about it anymore, okay?”

“Okay, good.” Jimin shuffled awkwardly. “I mean, we both still need Charge, so don’t think you can’t… That we can’t… It’s just all the extra stuff. It’s too much, okay?”  

Soohee had just nodded, not trusting her voice.

So she’d backed off, like she’d promised. She stopped asking for Charge and let him come to her if he needed something. He didn’t. But he dutifully showed up to Recharge at night (it was more like their early days again than anything they’d done recently) and if Soohee got a little antsy and low on Charge throughout the day, she just dealt with it. She reminded herself that she’d been through worse than a small twinge here and there. She continually reminded herself that she was here for two main reasons: to be Sejin’s assistant and to keep her and Jimin alive. She wasn’t going to die from a little hunger pang, so she made herself busy with work instead.

After that first day, she could tell the other boys had started to notice the difference between them, so she tried to smile a lot and stay busy with her tasks, moving too fast for any of them to question her mood. She didn’t want to hurt anyone else. She’d done enough of that lately. And if there was a better place to stay busy, than in the middle of an international tour where the days off were spent on a three-day photoshoot and DVD project, Soohee couldn’t think of one.

Until today. A true day off, with nothing to do but hang out at this house. After she’d laundered and packed all of the clothing they’d used for the photoshoot and double-checked all the bags for the venue tomorrow night, she’d run out of ways to keep herself busy. The maknaes had been watching a movie in the living room and Jimin looked far too snugglable tucked into the corner of the couch, so she’d taken herself upstairs to look for more work before the temptation to wrap her arms around him made her crazy. Somehow, she’d managed to fall asleep, instead.

A baby’s cry pulled her out of her thoughts, and she realized she’d been lurking near the screen door for far too long. Yoongi stood and shushed the baby as he walked back toward Jungkook’s noona, bouncing with each step in an effort to calm him. Soohee marveled at his skills and (not for the first time) wondered how much she really knew about Min Yoongi.

“I think he needs to be changed,” Yoongi said placidly, keeping up a rhythm even after he was done walking. The woman took the baby with a smile and then glanced at her watch.

“Actually, it’s probably time for both of them to get out of the sun,” she said. “Jungkook, do you mind if we…”

“Oh, yeah, sure!”

And then suddenly, the whole crew was tromping right in Soohee’s direction. She backed away from the door and tried to blend into the background, not wanting to interrupt the visit and unsure of her role here. Most of the other staff was staying at a nearby hotel, so it was just Sejin and Narae staying here. It would probably be weird to this family that she was at the house. She mentally scrambled for an excuse and wondered if she could disappear upstairs again in time.

“Oh, noona, you’re up!” Jungkook said as he opened the door and led the others inside. “Great! You can meet my friend, Nayeon. Nayeon, this is Soohee. She’s the staffer we were telling you about.”

Soohee smiled warmly and tried not to look caught off-guard. Nayeon grinned back and held out a hand. “Hi, I’m Yoo Nayeon. And this is my son Noah,” she said, gesturing to the baby in her arms. “That little spitfire out there is Hana and this is my husband Eugene Byun.”

Soohee glanced over, only now realizing there was a man in his thirties amidst the Bangtan throng, though he was nearly good looking enough to fit right in. She waved politely and greeted him. He bowed a little. Hana burst through the door and ran toward the living room, with Taehyung and Hoseok in her wake.

“Hana Byun, do we run in the house?” Eugene called after her in English. The patter of feet slowed significantly. “Thank you!” He smiled indulgently. “Sorry, guys, she’s just really excited to meet you all.”

Soohee couldn’t help but trail along when they moved to the living room. Eugene and Namjoon were involved in some kind of conversation about Korean-American relations, both animatedly taking in English. The youngest boys ended up on the floor with Hana, playing some kind of guessing game. Jimin’s eyesmile when the girl slipped from English to Korean and back again made Soohee smile along involuntarily. Eugene excused himself for a minute with the baby and a bag, returning with a much happier child. He handed him off to Nayeon to go wash his hands and she immediately began kissing all over the baby’s neck while he gurgled out adorable giggles.

Soohee hovered near the door, listening to Nayeon and Jungkook talking about their families back home in Korea and still not sure what her place was here. She should probably go back upstairs. Soohee was cataloguing what work even needed to be done when Nayeon’s voice cut through her thoughts.

“Well, after everything with First Touch and how long it took us to recover, we thought about just staying in Busan,” she said. Jungkook nodded. “But Eugene needed to finish university and obviously we couldn’t be apart, so I moved over here. We’d like to move back someday, at least for a while, so that the kids know their roots.” Soohee stared at them, wondering if she’d heard correctly. “My parents hate that we’re so far away.”

“Mama, I’m hungry,” Hana called from the floor, her eyes still on Taehyung’s hands as he hid something small in one of his palms. “Can I have a snack?”

“Sure, baby, come over here.” Nayeon handed the baby to Jungkook so she could dig in the bag Eugene had dropped at her feet. Jungkook looked surprised by his sudden handful, though not entirely displeased. Nayeon pulled out a packet of something and opened it for Hana as the little girl skittered over across the hardwood floor. “Here you go!”

“Is it apple? I don’t like apple.” Hana refused to take the packet.

“It is apple, but apple is delicious,” Nayeon said patiently.

“How do you know?” Hana asked, pouting. Then her eyes lit up. Nayeon smiled, as if this was a regular exchange. “You don’t like food.”

“Well, it’s not delicious to me now , but it was my very favorite when I was your age.” Nayeon held the packet to her nose and sniffed deeply, closing her eyes. “It still smells delicious.” Hana seemed to be persuaded and took the packet. Nayeon bent to rub her nose against Hana’s, before Hana giggled and scooted back over to her entertainers.

Soohee’s brain raced. Nayeon and Eugene were Bonded. They had kids. They liked their kids. Nothing made sense.

Soohee was still staring when Nayeon stood up and collected Hana’s trash, taking it to the kitchen to throw it away. She smiled kindly at Soohee as she passed. Soohee thought she might have returned the gesture, but she wasn’t sure. She felt frozen, her eyes locked on Hana and how bright and happy and loved she looked.

“Hey,” Nayeon said in a low voice. Soohee startled, not realizing Nayeon had returned. She looked up. “I just… I wanted to say thank you.”

“To me?” Soohee asked. “For what?”

“You’re part of the team that takes care of them and I just… Well, Jungkookie is very important to me.” Nayeon smiled fondly. “I was really worried when he said he wanted to become an idol, but your company seems different from the others, so… Thanks. For being good to him. All of them, actually. I feel like I’ve kind of adopted them all as my little brothers.”

“Oh, well, I’m not--” Soohee shook her head, but she couldn’t help but smile at this kindness. She would never tire of meeting people who loved these boys like she did. “I just joined the staff a few months ago, so I’m not really the one to thank, but I’ll pass it on.”

“Really?” Nayeon quirked an eyebrow. “Huh. I’ve only been here a couple hours, but I’ve already heard a ton about you. It sounds like you’ve made quite an impression in such a short amount of time.”

Soohee couldn’t help but like her. She was so kind and generous and outgoing. She’d never seen her parents interact with other people for this long or with this kind of enthusiasm. She bit her lip, weighing the wisdom of what she wanted to say.

“Um, so…” Soohee cringed internally at how awkward she was. Nayeon looked at her expectantly. Soohee cleared her throat. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I overheard you saying something about First Touch.” Nayeon nodded. “If you don’t mind my asking… are you and Eugene--”

“Yes, we’re soulmates.” Nayeon grinned.

“He’s American?” Soohee asked, unable to form the question she really wanted an answer to. “But you grew up in Busan?”

“Yes. We met in France, actually,” she replied. Soohee could tell from Nayeon’s expression that she loved this story. “I was there with an exchange program and he was on vacation. I was so homesick that when I heard someone swearing in Korean, I ran up and introduced myself. But it turned out, his Korean was pretty much limited to curse words and my English wasn’t all that great, so we just kind of said hello and goodbye. But I bumped his elbow with mine as I walked away, and that was First Touch. Unfortunately, I went home a week later without realizing what the bruise was, and you can imagine how difficult it was to find him again later.”

“Wow!” Soohee shook her head, thinking her own story with Jimin was crazy. “That must have been really scary.” Nayeon gave her a calculating look.

“Most people say it’s romantic, or they mention fate…” Nayeon’s eyes narrowed, but a small smile played across her lips. “You must know someone who’s Bonded, if you understand the risk.”

Soohee bit the inside of her lip, feeling way too exposed. This woman was probably safe to talk to  about her and Jimin, but she didn’t have permission to tell her anything. And she’d gotten so used to keeping the secret she almost didn’t want to share it. She thought fast. She could tell Nayeon about her parents, but talking about them felt too close right now, too tender. She wasn’t even sure why.

“My best friend’s parents.” It should probably bother her how easily the lie slipped off her lips. She watched Jimin tip over with the giggles at something Taehyung said to Hana. “It’s different than people think it is.” Nayeon nodded thoughtfully.

“It’s more intense than the dramas or the stories make it out to be, that’s for sure.” Nayeon leaned against the door frame and settled her arms comfortably across her chest. Soohee was surprised she was staying to talk. “I don’t regret anything for a second -- I love Eugene -- but it’s a weird way to live.”

“Well, you’ve got a great family.” The words felt oddly sour on her tongue, but she pushed through. The family was nice. Nayeon was nice. She deserved compliments, especially after the ones she gave Soohee.  “Hana seems really smart. She’ll probably be cooking her own meals any day now. That’ll be nice for you, to have one kid independent.” Nayeon looked confused. Soohee pursed her lips. “Is she already doing it? I guess I was… My friend could work a rice cooker by her age, I think...”

Nayeon stared at her like she had three heads. They were both silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?” Nayeon asked, pushing away from the wall to stand up straight. “Hana isn’t even four years old.” Soohee mirrored her puzzled expression. “Why would she cook her own meals?”

“Well, because you and Eugene don’t eat anymore?” Soohee had the odd sense she’d somehow offended Nayeon, which was the last thing she wanted to do. She rushed to explain. “Food is kind of repulsive to soulmates.” Except, she realized, that wasn’t really true. She still enjoyed cooking for the boys. “And it’s a hassle to remember to feed her when you don’t really get hungry like--” She stopped talking, hearing how insane her words sounded. How insane her childhood sounded. “I’m sorry, that’s just… That’s how my friend grew up.”

“Soohee, that’s… that’s messed up.” Nayeon looked like she was trying to school her features, trying to cover up how horrified she was. Soohee’s face felt too warm. She wished she’d kept her mouth shut. “I mean, no offense to your friend, but her parents sound like assholes.” Nayeon’s eyes widened a little and she bit her lip. “Sorry, that was too far--”

“No, you’re right,” Soohee said faintly. Suddenly, she wanted to laugh. She tamped it down. Random laughter would be even weirder than this conversation. “Her parents are awful. But that’s what the Bond does, right? Oh, god, I didn’t mean it like that! But soulmate parenting is just different than normal parenting, right?”

“No…” Nayeon tilted her head and peered at Soohee. “It’s exactly the same.”

“But,” Soohee hated herself for pushing forward but couldn’t stop, “what kid can compete with a Bond, you know? They’re always going to be less interesting. Less special. It’s not fair, but it’s life.” Tears sprung to her eyes and she blushed furiously. Why was she getting so emotional? This was a non-issue. She’d made her peace with it a long time ago.

Nayeon looked at her hard for a long moment. Finally, she let out a long breath. “It’s not… it’s not a competition,” she said softly, brows furrowed and something like pity in her tone. “These babies are the best parts of both of us. They’re the best part of our Bond . I mean, I grew them inside of my body , Soohee. What could be more special than that?”

For half a second, Soohee wondered if Nayeon had switched to English, because these words were not computing properly. She knew what they all meant as individual concepts, but put together like this -- in this context -- nothing made sense.

“But it’s… she said they didn’t like touching her...” Soohee mumbled. She was fighting a fight she was scared to win. “And they left her in charge of her own meals as soon as she could see over the counter and they never really cared if she came home and nothing she did was ever--.”

“Those people are not parents.” Nayeon’s voice was low but fierce. “They may have had a child, but they are not parents. And I am so, so sorry to your friend that she had to live with them. They’re poor examples of soulmates. They’re poor examples of human beings, to be honest.” Soohee stared at her, chest tight and off-kilter. “Bonding doesn’t make you a different person. It doesn’t make you selfish. If anything, it teaches you what sacrificial love really looks like.”

Again, Soohee didn’t know how to process these words. They were true. She knew they had to be. Everything she’d experienced since she met Jimin matched what Nayeon was saying. But she had twenty years of doubts and confusion to fight through. She needed to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. She nodded dumbly. She didn’t have the words to make the niceties that would get her out of this conversation, but turning and running up the stairs would be rude. She stood rooted in place for a moment.

Nayeon leaned forward and whispered, “The next time you see your friend, tell her it wasn’t her fault, okay?” Nayeon reached out and squeezed her shoulder gently. The touch felt like a lifeline. “And tell her it’s okay to believe that things can be different for her.”  Nayeon waited for Soohee to nod slowly, then slipped back into the other room.

Chapter Text

Jimin watched Soohee spin from one activity to another, passing out supplies and organizing things and calling instructions into the crowded greenroom. She handed Hoseok a small package of food, though Jimin couldn’t tell what, and patted him on the shoulder when he thanked her.

It’s like handing Tae a snack or dragging Yoongi home from the studio. It is my job.

Jimin wrinkled his nose and batted the thought away. Their fight was days old now, and things had pretty much gotten back to normal. Well, not normal , since nothing about this arrangement was normal, but they were fine. It was over and he was over it. He’d wanted her to back off, and she had, and everything was fine. They’d made up, and it was fine.

She looked perfectly fine as she tugged Taehyung’s phone from his hands gently. Taehyung startled and looked up with a grumpy expression. Soohee merely pointed at the makeup chair. Taehyung scowled a little, until he saw a stylist standing next to the chair, waiting expectantly. Jimin heard him apologize as he sheepishly sat in the chair, then made grabby hands for his phone. Soohee laughed and she handed it back, sharing a look over his head with the stylist. Jimin realized he hadn’t heard her laugh in a while. He frowned.

“Hey, Chim.” Seokjin’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Jimin tore his eyes away from Taehyung and Soohee joking together, grateful for the distraction from the uncomfortable sensation crawling up his chest. He wasn’t jealous. There wasn’t anything to be jealous of . She was friends with his brothers, just as she was friends with him. He didn’t care that Taehyung could make her laugh when he hadn’t been able to for days. That would be jealousy and he wasn't jealous. Seokjin looked at him expectantly, and Jimin forced himself to focus.

“Can you run through a couple harmonies with me? I’m feeling a little rough today.”

“Sure, hyung, yeah. I probably need that, too.” Jimin followed Seokjin across the room to a quiet corner. They passed Namjoon, who’d managed to fall asleep sitting up on a folding chair with his blazer draped over his chest like a blanket. Jimin was glad he was resting. He and Seokjin began running through lines, both trying to stretch out their vocal chords after the recent break.

Soohee darted past them from time to time, busier than anyone else in the room. Jimin wondered if they were overworking her. He made a mental note to ask Sejin later. As they ran through the final chorus of Let Me Know , he watched Soohee pause by Namjoon’s sleeping form to tug his blazer just a little higher, like she was a mother tucking in her child. He fumbled his notes and cleared his throat, apologizing to Seokjin.

An hour or so later, Jimin’s hair and makeup were both finished and he’d started to feel a telltale prickle across his forearms and the back of his neck. Hunger always started there. Though, he wasn’t even hungry, more like… peckish . He was still adjusting to this new, lower level of Charge. He’d apparently gotten used to Soohee’s “help” throughout the day. He realized he hadn’t actually been hungry in weeks. Not until the day after their argument. And every day after, now that he thought about it.

It was still fine. He was fine. He was no stranger to hunger. He could handle a little twinge here and there, especially if it meant he could skip a few circuits at the gym tomorrow morning. But he couldn’t help but wonder if she was feeling it, too. As much as he wanted more control over his intake, he still worried about her. There was a lot of pressure in being someone’s sole source of nutrition.

With the concert tonight, he could probably get away with a little more Charge and not have it impact his workout. And this venue had three interconnected rooms for them to get ready in, so he was sure he and Soohee could find a place where they could hang out inconspicuously. And Soohee really should take a break from all her running around. Really, this was for her more than it was for him.

He found her talking with Taehyung and Jungkook at the far end of one of the side rooms. The two boys were sprawled all over each other on one of the couches, being absolutely useless just two meters away from where Soohee was working hard. It looked like she was rearranging supplies inside the large plastic bins that they traveled with. Jimin frowned a little from the doorway as he watched their conversation. Taehyung did some half-hearted aegyo, and Soohee chuckled but shook her head.

“But noona,” he whined, drawing out the vowels in her title. His feet dangled off the arm of the couch and waggled in her direction, his slippers hanging precariously by one toe. “They’re my favorite! And Jungkookie is a growing boy.”

“Taehyung, dinner will be delivered in like, twenty minutes,” Soohee said with exasperation.

“Do you know how many calories we burn during a concert?” Jungkook asked. Then he grunted as Taehyung nodded emphatically in agreement with his point, his head unfortunately resting on Jungkook’s stomach at that moment. Soohee’s forehead wrinkled almost imperceptibly. He paused seriously, as if he was doing the math. “It has to be like… a billion.”

“At least,” Taehyung concurred firmly. Soohee snorted. Taehyung stuck out his lower lip and made his eyes wide and beseeching. Soohee swatted his foot playfully,

“Speaking of burning calories…” Jimin said from the doorway, voice a little tight. His members lifted their heads to look at him, but Soohee only gave him a curious glance before returning to her supplies. “I could use a little boost before we go out there.”

“Oh, okay.” Soohee nodded and promptly put the items in her hands back in the bin at her feet. He walked over to the second couch and plopped on one of the cushions. Soohee looked around surreptitiously and pulled out her phone to text someone.

“Okay, Myungsoo’s covering the door. We should be fine for a little bit,” she said, tucking herself against his side. Jimin put his arm across her shoulders, instantly content and sleepy.

He was glad to have some time with her. They might be fine, but things still felt just slightly off-kilter between them since the argument. A lot of that could probably be attributed to how busy the tour kept her. She hadn’t even been able to rest on their day off, only stopping to talk to Nayeon and Eugene for a few minutes before she was off folding laundry or whatever it was that she had done upstairs. He really needed to check with Sejin about how much they expected out of her. For now, he was glad he could give her this break.

“Noona, there’s like no one on our staff who doesn’t know about--” Jungkook waved a hand lazily toward Jimin and Soohee. “I mean, anyone who’s traveling with us knows you share a room. So why--”

“Because it’s not just our people back here,” Soohee explained. Jimin watched her profile. She was completely at ease talking about this, not a trace of blush on her face. “We’ve got Subkulture people. And translators and guides and venue staff and security and who knows what else. It only takes one person to leak something, and everyone’s got a camera on them all the times these days. That’s the last thing we need right now.”

Taehyung nodded thoughtfully and Jungkook tapped him lightly on the forehead to get him to lie still. Taehyung grinned and wiggled more, just to be obnoxious. Jimin smiled at their antics. It was nice to see them relaxed. It quickly devolved into a mini wrestling match, which Jimin and Soohee watched while chuckling.

“Seriously, what are we feeding you?” Taehyung asked, flopping back against the arm of the couch and marking a snarly face at Jungkook. “Your noona was right, you’ve gotten gigantic recently.”

Jungkook shrugged, but his smirk belied his true feelings. Jimin snorted when Jungkook started flexing and lifting his shoulders to make them even more broad. Taehyung poked him with a stocking foot, right in the ribs, and Jungkook collapsed into giggles. Taehyung muttered something about him still being a baby, and Jimin grunted in agreement. Jungkook pouted lightly.

“It was really cool to meet your noona,” Soohee said, heading off another wrestling match before it started. “She’s… she’s really nice.”

“Yeah, Nayeon's the best, right?” Jungkook grinned his bunny smile, looking exactly like the baby Taehyung had just accused him of being. “And her kids! It’s so weird that she’s a mom now…”

“You two seemed to hit it off,” Jimin said to Soohee. “I’m surprised you didn’t come play with Hana. She was hysterical.” Soohee shrugged. “You disappeared before she started singing our songs.”

“I had work to do.” Soohee flashed him a quick smile, but it didn’t quite make it to her eyes. “Jungkook, you’ve never really talked about her. She’s a family friend from Busan?”

“She’s really more like adopted family,” Jungkook said fondly. “She and my hyung grew up together and were, like, inseparable. I was probably Hana’s age before I understood she wasn’t my actual sister.” Taehyung giggled.

“You never were quick on the uptake…” Taehyung dodged a punch and smirked unrepentantly.

“Shut up,” Jungkook said mildly. “Anyway, she was always at my house and even babysat me sometimes. She was actually the one who introduced me to G-Dragon. We would have dance parties in the living room after school and watch the music shows together if my parents had to work late.” Jungkook shrugged bashfully. "She’s a big reason why I’m even here."

Jimin knew all of this, but it was still heartwarming to see Jungkook open up to Soohee. And Soohee knew exactly the right questions to ask to keep Jungkook talking and even lure Taehyung into discussions about his family and Daegu and how he got into music. Jimin commented from time to time, but he couldn’t shake the niggling feeling of being left out. He couldn’t even put his finger on why. They each gave him their attention while he was talking and no one dismissed him, but most of Soohee’s questions were directed at the other two. He supposed they all knew how he got into dance and music and the performing arts, so it didn’t really matter.

“It’s getting late,” Soohee said after checking her phone. She twisted to look at Jimin for the first time in several minutes. “You good? I’ve got to go get dinner set up.”

Jimin hadn’t really needed to Charge anyway, so he nodded. She popped up right away, leaving him feeling cold and bereft for a second before he readjusted to the loss of warmth.

“You two, costumes now,” she ordered, already scooping up a few items out of the bin nearby. “Jimin, is your contouring done yet?” He shook his head sheepishly and she frowned. She was a force to be reckoned with when she was in Concert Mode. “Unless you want Seulki drawing a smiley face on your abs with her favorite eyeliner, you’d better get over there now. Chop chop.”

“Yes, noona!” they all chorused and clambered to their feet right away.

That night, riding the high of the first concert in the states that finally felt right, Jimin sailed into his new hotel room. He already missed the house they’d rented, but this was closer to the venue and the airport and they had an early flight in the morning. He was excited to get to L.A., where things were more familiar and where they’d get to see some old friends.

Soohee came in while he was washing his face. He greeted her loudly, still amped and unwilling to come down from such a good feeling after a week of being off-kilter. He babbled about the concert and the fans and the venue, like always. Soohee nodded along with a small smile, but she seemed less congratulatory or engaged than the last several stops. He thought about how busy she’d been all day, without the benefit of an evening adrenaline rush, and realized how tired she must be. He hurried to get ready for bed, even though he was far from tired.

When the lights were out and she was resting somewhat stiffly with her back against his chest, he tried to help them both wind down.

“How was your day?” he asked. “You seemed really busy.”

“It was about the same as yours,” she responded. “Just with less applause.” Her tone was a little flat. Jimin wrinkled his nose.

“You know we appreciate what you do, right?” he asked tentatively.

“Oh, of course.” Soohee snorted. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that the only difference between your day and mine was that you went on stage. Otherwise, we were in the same place the whole time.” Jimin nodded, relieved she didn’t seem to feel overworked or undervalued. Still, he was definitely talking to Sejin tomorrow.

Usually at this point in their end of day ritual, they’d trade questions, but Soohee stayed quiet. He could tell from her breathing that she was still awake. He tried again.

“How’d you like Chicago?”

“It was fine.” She lifted a shoulder. “Not as hot as Dallas, which was nice. You?”

“Yeah, it was great! I loved the photo shoot and the house a lot. Are you excited for L.A.?” he asked. She made a noncommittal noise and yawned. He thought about the question himself. “I am… It almost feels like going home. But not really? I don’t know. I’m just excited to see the guys from the show again.”

“That’ll be fun for you,” Soohee said softly. “I know you’re all really looking forward to that.” She nestled deeper into her pillow with a sigh. Jimin still felt unsettled without a tangible reason why. It was stress. It had to be. They'd just been through a lot in a short amount of time. But usually, their bedtime chats helped with that. But he knew she was exhausted. Now that he’d lain still for more than five minutes, so was he. Maybe they’d have more time to talk on the plane tomorrow.

Soohee dropped onto the couch next to Jungkook with a giant sigh. She let her head loll against the back cushion and glared across the room at the busy coordis. All the venues were starting to blur together for her, but this one at least had a really comfy couch. That was good, since she was apparently stuck on it. She harrumphed again.

“Noona?” Jungkook asked, looking up from his sketchbook. “You okay?”

“No, I am not,” Soohee said tartly. Jungkook’s eyebrows lifted high. She rolled her eyes. “I believe I’ve been put in timeout .”

“Noona?”

Soohee sighed. She knew she was being dramatic. But even the ten minutes alone with her thoughts as she was falling asleep each night was too much to bear right now. She needed to be busy. She needed to keep moving, to keep from looking and longing and lusting and lying to herself. To keep from loving him too much.

“Sejin thinks I’ve been working too hard, so he’s making me take a mandatory break this morning.” She waved her hand toward the clock on the wall above them, which said the concert was still several hours away. She scowled, already feeling the second hand slowing down. 

“Oh, that’s the worst.” Jungkook wrinkled his nose. Soohee looked at him curiously, the vehemence in his tone obviously coming from a place of experience. “Sometimes Sejin puts me in timeout, too. Or he takes away my gym key. It’s really fucking annoying.”

“Language,” Soohee said mildly, not even lifting her head.

“Sorry, noona.” Jungkook tucked his chin to his chest and looked away.

Two months ago, Soohee might have believed he was penitent. She knew better now, knew exactly the wide-eyed innocent faces he used to get out of things, but she just smiled and let it go. They sat quietly for a bit. The only sound from their corner of the room came from the scratch of his pen against paper, which was not entirely drowned out by the backstage chaos. It was early enough that people were still moving slowly (or at a normal person’s pace, which was slow for BigHit employees). Jungkook would normally be on stage for sound check, but the venue staff was troubleshooting a few problems and Namjoon still wasn’t back from visiting some of his producer friends.

Soohee’s eyes wandered the room, landing exactly where they shouldn’t. Jimin’s hair had faded to a soft orange recently and it was strangely more distracting than anything she’d seen from him so far. Not to mention, the little bit of time out in the sun in the past week had left his skin glowing and her mouth watering. She knew that was more likely her shifting feelings, rather than an objective increase in attractiveness, but she didn’t really care about the science behind it. She hated it and wanted it to stop.

When she’d woken up that morning with Jimin’s arms wrapped around her waist and the smell of his shampoo in her nose and his gravelly morning voice growling in her ear, she’d wished for a break. She internally cursed the universe for not listening carefully enough. She didn’t want a break from work , she wanted a break from Jimin . She'd been doing everything she could to stay away from him -- choosing to ride in the staff cars, picking the airplane seat furthest from him, finding things to do in other rooms -- but it still didn't change the fact that every night, they pressed their bodies together and whispered to each other in the darkness and she lost whatever ground she'd gained that day.

Maybe she should take her enforced rest far away from this room, go for a walk or at least find a hideaway somewhere in the venue. But the problem was, Jimin wasn't really the problem. She wanted a break from her feelings for Jimin. And they, unfortunately, traveled with her too easily. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth, willing her brain to focus on something else. It was hard to do with Jimin’s chorus of Hold Me Tight was running on a loop through her mind.

“For what it’s worth,” Jungkook’s voice was quiet and he didn’t look up from his drawing, “sometimes... the timeouts help.”

Soohee raised her eyebrows skeptically. Not only did she doubt the truth of his words, she was surprised to hear the Workhorse Maknae saying them. She shifted and her knee knocked over an empty cup on the coffee table in front of them. The table was still littered with the detritus of the team’s late breakfast. She grabbed the cup off the floor and began stacking the others and consolidating the mess. Jungkook’s eyes followed her movements.

“I don’t always know my own limits.” He looked pointedly at her hands. She firmly ignored him. He shrugged. “There’s a lot to get done and too many things that I don’t know and I don’t want to let the others down, so I push it kind of hard, sometimes.” Soohee smiled at him indulgently, charmed by the understatements. He seemed to truly believe his efforts weren’t 110% overboard, 95% of the time. “But I’m also… I love ARMY, but I don’t like crowds or strangers or new people or lots of the… social stuff. It’s hard on me.”

“That can’t be easy to manage,” Soohee said easily. She wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with that experience. Her fingers continued folding food wrappers as if they were precious keepsakes. She couldn’t keep still. Jungkook quirked his mouth in agreement.

“So I get all grumpy with hyungnim and he gets all stern, but then I find a quiet place and pull out my phone or my sketch pad or lyric book and… it all gets a little less heavy and tight and… I don’t know.” He grimaced like he was frustrated with his inaccurate words. “Sometimes... the timeouts help.”

“I’m glad.” Soohee wanted that for him, had seen the stress of the tour affecting him and Namjoon a little more than the others. Seokjin and Yoongi both seemed to need time away, too, but neither of them were afraid to take it when the feeling struck. But Jungkook. He already looked more relaxed, just from the twenty minutes he’d taken with his sketchbook. she bit her lip. “God, I’m totally interrupting your downtime. I can leave you--”

“You can stay,” he hurried to say. “I don’t... You’re not...” He scratched the column of his throat with the backs of his fingernails. “You can stay.” They smiled at one another. Soohee was so glad he’d relaxed around her. Something told her she’d levelled up in Jungkook’s world and no longer held the status of stranger or new people.

“Can I... Can I see what you’re working on?” She motioned to his sketch pad.

Jungkook glance down at it, then handed it over casually. Soohee still caught the way he chewed on his lip and fidgeted when she actually looked. The drawing was kind of abstract, a lot of shapes and lines in what looked like a piled mess at first. But then she began picking out a theme and how each item tied to the others. It was more than a doodle, much more complex, but it still had that sketchy and idle quality to it. She liked it, a lot, and was quick to tell him so.

“It’s not much, but it helps me quiet my mind.” Jungkook reached for it tentatively and Soohee relinquished it right away.

“Drawing’s good for that,” Soohee said. She stood up and grabbed the stack of used cups, looking for the trash can. Sejin cleared his throat from a table nearby, not even glancing up from his phone. Soohee growled under her breath but set the trash back on the table and sat down again. She graciously ignored Jungkook’s tiny snicker. She’d just levelled up, so it would be a waste to murder him right now.

She picked at a thread on the hem of her shorts and tried not to let her mind wander. The timeouts might help Jungkook, but she wasn't so sure about herself. It was, of course, a kind of a self-fulfilling thing to tell herself not to think of Jimin. That's why she tried so hard to stay busy. Stillness only made her wish for his smile, the unguarded one that he couldn’t control as he was coming off stage after a concert. Or made her think about how endearingly emotional he got when talking about his members. How his whole body moved with his laughter and became a bit of a danger to whoever was too close at the time. His stupidly, effortlessly, unconsciously sultry voice through the darkness asking her questions before they fell asleep and muddling her mind and making her want to be just a little bit selfish, to keep loving him quietly even when it was clear he didn’t want that.

I don’t need you.

You should get a life of your own.

Know your place.

Back off.

His words played like a song in her head, the only one of his that she wished he’d never sung. She felt the beginnings of tears gathering in her sinuses and a nearly physical ache to get up and do something, anything. But with Sejin watching, she had to stay where she was and try her best to think about something, anything else. Something happy.

Puppies .

Rainbows .

Baby giggles .

Baby shoes and running feet and three little heart-shaped faces with snaggleteeth and eyesmiles in a dance studio --

“Noona?”

Soohee looked up, startled to remember that Jungkook was less than a meter away. He looked concerned. She instantly flashed a smile and swallowed the lump in her throat. It almost hurt. But she was getting used to the unfamiliar strain in her cheeks just like she’d adjusted to the tingle across her skin.

“Yeah?”

“Are....” Jungkook closed his mouth quickly. Soohee still had a few levels to go, apparently. She waited patiently, until he decided to speak again. “Would you like to draw with me?”

“Oh.” Soohee wasn’t expecting that, but now that the thought was in her head, she found she couldn’t think of anything else. That was a relief. “Yeah, if that’s cool with you, I’d really like that.”

He pulled off a few sheets of paper and set them on the coffee table. He dug in the bag next to him on the couch and withdrew a really nice pen set, two dozen colors at least. He offered them to her and she couldn’t help but grin. She slid off the couch to the floor so that she could use the table. The orange pen called to her and she almost gave in.

Instead, she chose a light brown one. It’d been awhile since she’d drawn much of anything, but even longer since she’d had a live model. She’d only ever drawn Bangtan from reference photos, so she took advantage of her proximity to start a sketch of Jungkook. He glanced up when he felt her eyes on him. He noticed her drawing and scrunched his face teasingly. She laughed and ignored him, knowing he would relax in about twelve seconds.

For the first few minutes, she was able to focus on what she was doing. But muscle memory took over and her hand kept doing its own thing while her brain started churning again. She slammed the door quickly on the imaginary dance studio, but it barely stayed shut for a full minute before her mind was feeding her image after image of a happily ever after she could never have.

The next time you see your friend, tell her it wasn’t her fault, okay?

Soohee gritted her teeth and pressed the pen harder into the paper. Nayeon’s voice, though calm and gentle and so earnest, grated inside Soohee’s memory. Over the last two days, Soohee had had these brief moments of clarity, when she knew that Nayeon had been right and her parents had never deserved their titles. But the second she tried to latch onto that knowledge, it slipped through her fingers like smoke and left her doubting double.

It’s okay to believe that things can be different for her .

Soohee swallowed hard. The wounds from her parents were too old to be relevant right now -- they were buried under scabs and scars. But her heart was freshly torn over the incredible idea that she could be a soulmate and a mother. She didn’t have to choose. She hadn’t lost that opportunity with First Touch. She could be different from them . That truth, at least, was easy to grasp. Too bad it burned painfully inside her hand.

Because she could be a soulmate and a mother, but she couldn’t be his soulmate and be a mother. Not to his children anyway, and she couldn’t imagine a future where they would be anyone else’s either. So she was back to square one, she could be a soulmate or she could be a mother. And one of those things was already decided for her. Nayeon had given her the worst kind of hope -- true and bright and empty.

So Jimin was right. She really did need to get a life of her own. It had kind of felt, for a fleeting moment, like this life she was building with Bangtan and BigHit was more real and more hers than anything she’d ever had before. But she wouldn’t have any of this without Jimin, so that was just an illusion. She didn’t really have a choice, though, but to stay close by to keep up with their schedule, so where did that leave her?

Maybe a little starvation wouldn’t be so bad, s he thought.  Just for a little while. I mean, I survived for like three whole days before. She chuckled darkly. Jungkook looked up in confusion and she quickly waved him off. And I am officially insane. Excellent.

She returned to her drawing and bit back a groan. She’d drawn Jungkook, but instead of the large white t-shirt he was actually wearing, she’d drawn him in the striped button down Jimin had worn in Dallas the other day. And his earrings were all wrong, not gauges but hoops and a helix post. She sighed, trying to decide if it was worth salvaging.

“Oooh, are you drawing?” Taehyung asked, peering over her shoulder. She had no idea where he’d come from or where he’d managed to find a whole carrot (complete with sprouts) to munch on like Bugs Bunny, but none of that mattered as he took in her drawing and the skin around his eyes and mouth tightened. She flipped to a blank page quickly, but she wondered if he’d managed to spot her errors. He smiled broadly. “You should draw me!”

He shoved the trash on the table out of the way (disrupting all her organization from earlier) and climbed on top of it to sit cross-legged.

“Tae!” she protested. He ignored her and struck a pose, something dramatic that involved the back of his hand on his forehead. She smiled weakly, her thoughts still somewhat distracted. Not one to be ignored, Taehyung switched poses quickly, ranging from the actual modelling she’d seen him do for promo shoots, to crazy faces, like a wide mouthed grimace with his fist near his clenched teeth and his eyes a little deranged. She snickered, which only encouraged him. Jungkook joined in, pulling his best doofus expression, with his jaw pulled in to give him the illusion of buck teeth and double chins.

“I am not drawing any of that,” Soohee declared. She tried to look stern but failed to stop her giggle. These two always seemed to know how to draw her out of her thoughts. “Give me a real pose and I’ll think about it. Though, this is kind of a horrible angle.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Taehyung scooted close to loom over her, then stretched his face to make his nostrils as wide as possible so that there was nothing for her to do but look up into them. “This is my best side,” he said in a muffled voice, his mouth pulled taut to keep the expression. “Every photographer tells me so.”

She pushed him away playfully, and he pulled a pratfall, landing sprawled across the table. Jungkook used his foot to shove Taehyung across the table’s shiny surface until he was actually scrabbling to avoid falling. Gravity won and he landed in a heap on the floor next to her. He looked around for a second, then decided to stay where he was, only wriggling up to pillow his head against her left leg.

“I think this is a good angle. Try this.” Taehyung flashed her a cheesy grin and immediately closed his eyes, like he was prepared for a long nap. She looked down at him and was surprised by how much comfort the nonchalant touch brought her. She took his advice and began to draw again. His hair was a little crazy from the fall and her fingers itched to fix it. She hesitated, overcome by her old pattern of thinking, which told her to keep her gross hands to herself and not bother anyone. But this was Taehyung, possibly the most tactile person who ever existed in all of creation. She forced herself not to overthink it.

When he felt her fingertips on his forehead, his eyelids relaxed just a fraction and his smile gentled. She continued running her fingers through his bangs, the motion soothing both of them. His hair was getting pretty long these days. She hadn’t seen his eyebrows in ages. But he claimed to like it and the stylists were happy, so Soohee kept her opinions to herself. It did remind her, though, that she never did get that haircut in Chicago. They had some free time tomorrow. Maybe she’d venture out into L.A. (with one of the giant managers, as always) and see what she could find.

Taehyung’s eyes snapped open. “Wait, what are you even doing over here?” He narrowed one of them accusingly. “Isn’t there some really clean thing you need to clean another time, just to be sure?” Soohee glowered at him. She’d just gotten over that particular annoyance, but it was back with a vengeance.

“ Noona’s in timeout. ” Jungkook’s sing-song tone did not improve her mood.

“Ah.” Taehyung nodded against her leg. “Don’t try reasoning with Sejin when he’s like this. He might take away your phone and make you take a nap. He’s super strict sometimes.”

“I see you have experience with this…” Soohee pursed her lips to keep from laughing and returned to drawing. Taehyung nodded again, his eyes already closed. He grabbed her hand and put it back on his hair. She laughed and obliged him. “Does he take away your gym key, too?” she teased.

“Nah, that’s pretty much only Jungkookie. Usually the others have to drag me to the gym with them. I always get in trouble for staying up too late. But it’s never my fault. The best ideas happen at three in the morning, I swear.”

“Is that how I ended up on the dorm roof in only my bathrobe that one time?” Jungkook asked blandly, still scratching away at his drawing. Soohee lifted her head, curious to hear more about this story.

“No, that was Hobi’s fault. Mostly. I think…” Taehyung craned his neck so he could stare past Soohee and up at Jungkook. “But don’t lie, you had a great time.”

“I’m just saying, not every idea you have in the middle of the night is a great one. Remember the pigeons?”

Taehyung sighed with an air of a longsuffering, misunderstood genius. “I still maintain that pigeons make excellent pets. It’s not my fault Yoongi startled it and made it break all that stuff.”

Soohee’s eyes bounced between the boys, her sketch of Taehyung momentarily forgotten.

“Well, you probably shouldn’t have named it Min Suga Genius Jjang Jjang Man Boong Boong. That’s why he started yelling.”

“I thought he’d be honored .”

“It was the grumpiest bird I have ever seen,” Jungkook whispered to Soohee with an air of confidentiality. “It was nearly all white, but it had these grey feathers the stuck up all over its head and it couldn’t really coo and--”

“Soohee, this looks nothing like me,” Taehyung said, sitting up more and poking her drawing with his forefinger. She turned back. “I am more than seven wavy lines and a few dots.”

“I’m getting there, pabo, but you won’t sit still.” Soohee smiled as he immediately and obediently sank back to the floor. She reached out to brush his hair aside again, just to see his eyebrows, but he shook his head once and all the silken strands settled into their rightful place. It was like magic. It felt a little like magic, too. 

They continued to tell stories of some of Taehyung’s stranger exploits, reaching back into pre-debut days when it was a lot easier to move freely in public. She let their teasing and one-upmanship ebb around her as she sketched, thankful for this distraction. Maybe Jungkook was actually right. Maybe the timeout would help.

“It’s, um, time for sound check,” Jimin said.

All three of them looked up. Soohee immediately removed her hand from Taehyung's hair and clamped her teeth on her tongue to stop her mouth from making any kind of noise, because Jimin was just standing there . He wasn’t doing anything. But the jeans he was wearing and way he was standing in them, with one hip just a little higher than the other and his right thumb hooked in his pocket... It was personally offensive, was what it was. 

The boys hopped up and followed Jimin out of the room. A pointed look from Sejin kept her where she was, though she sighed loudly. She turned back to her drawing, but her movements weren’t as smooth and her lines were all wrong. Taehyung’s lips became too plump. His cheeks got too round. His front tooth grew a little too crooked.

Yeah, a timeout wasn’t going to help at all.

“Isn’t this the street where we had to ask people to be in our video?” Jungkook asked Jimin. He didn’t seem to find the recollection a pleasant one. Jimin looked around and wished his memory was better. But it had been a year ago and it had been after dark, so he couldn’t be sure.

“I don’t think so?” Jimin squinted against the bright afternoon sunshine. Something about this area was familiar, though. “This might be where Taehyung talked with those kids, though.”

“Oh, the cousins! They were nice.” Taehyung grinned and looked around. “But that wasn’t here. We were a couple blocks over, I think.”

Jimin was glad to be out in Koreatown for the morning. There was something soothing about seeing Hangul on all the shop signs and billboards. It wasn’t home, not by a long shot, but it was close enough for now. Plus, it had a familiarity in its own right, since it’d been their stomping grounds for nearly a month. He followed the others from shop to shop, Taehyung looking for souvenirs for his brother and sister (Jimin thought that was kind of silly, since almost everything here was imported straight from Korea, but whatever).

Eventually, the managers gathered them all together and told them they’d found a good place for lunch. They didn’t bother going back to the van, since the staff said it was such a small place, they’d have trouble getting the large vehicle into the parking lot. So they just walked a few blocks. Jimin, because of his short legs, always ended up in the back of a pack like this, but today it was more intentional.

“L.A.’s pretty cool, huh?” he asked Soohee quietly. She looked up with a small smile.

“I never thought I’d miss an alphabet, but it’s so nice to just... read stuff.” She stared around her in wonder. “I didn’t realize how hard my brain's been working.” Jimin grinned at her, feeling the same way.

It was turning out to be a longer walk than he expected, and the sun was strong today. He was glad he’d worn a tank top under his open button-down. He pulled his arms from the sleeves as he was walking and turned to tell Soohee about one of their L.A. adventures that never made it into the show, but she'd just moved ahead to ask Hoseok a question. Jimin sighed.

This had been happening all week. Any time Jimin tried to say more than a few sentences to her, she’d get pulled away by some other task or by one of his brothers. He was trying to be understanding, because it felt ridiculous to... miss her. They spent every night together. They saw each other all day. There was no reason to feel so needy.

But one of the side-effects not getting extra Charging was that they didn’t really stop to talk anymore, either. He still didn’t want the extra intake, but they didn’t have to be touching to talk, right? She talked to the others just fine without-- He watched her grip Hoseok’s arm as she laughed at something he said. Just a fleeting gesture, but enough to remind Jimin of how much things had changed. She’d gotten so comfortable with the others. Maybe she couldn’t talk without touch now. Hh should be happy she felt so comfortable. He wasn't sure why he wasn't.

They entered the small restaurant, which was nearly empty. Jimin had to take a second to let his eyes adjust from the bright sunshine to the dim interior, but when he could see a little more clearly, he realized it was a nice place. Large booths with grills in the tables filled the long hall, with modern decor and rich blues everywhere. He smiled, breathing in the sizzling meat and missing the ability to eat for the millionth time. He still felt weird coming out with the others like this, since he just took up space (and food always made him a little sad), but he liked spending time with them and couldn’t deny that it smelled like home.

He slid onto a bench next to Seokjin, across from Yoongi, Taehyung, and one of the younger managers. He looked around and spotted Soohee with Narae and Sejin. He patted the seat next to him invitingly and she approached with a small smile.

“You want to Recharge here?” she asked in a low voice, glancing around.

“Sure, why not?” Jimin looked around too, only seeing an elderly American couple in the corner and every other booth filled with their people. “No one here knows us, and the others are getting to eat, so why shouldn’t we?”

Soohee sat gingerly next to him, leaving space between them like always. Jimin sighed. When he’d asked her to back off, he hadn’t meant it so literally. He liked that she was trying, that she’d seemed to understand where he was coming from, even if he had been a little more emphatic than was strictly necessary. But he didn’t know how to tell her it was still okay for her to initiate sometimes. He still wasn’t sure what those times were, himself, so it was probably unfair to think she’d figure it out on her own. For now, he just scooted over a little until his shoulder bumped hers and the sides of their thighs pressed together under the table. Instantly, everything between them felt just a little bit easier. Jimin was sure they’d find a way to work it out. Eventually.

Conversation ebbed around the table while the waiter brought out drinks and took orders. Their manager, who hadn’t been able to come with them the last time they were in the US, was asking questions about the reality show and where they’d visited. Soohee listened carefully, smiling when Jimin told the story he’d thought about on the walk here.

“It was fun to get to go to some new cities this time,” Seokjin said. “But I think I’ll always have a special love for Los Angeles. Best Korean food outside of Korea.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s kind of like your city , right?” the manager asked.

Yoongi looked up and scrunched his face in thought. Taehyung leaned forward to see around him. In unison, they both shook their heads and said, “Nah, man. Daegu .”

Everyone burst into laughter. Jungkook and Hoseok called to them from another table, asking what was so funny. This started a shouted conversation back and forth before Sejin lifted one hand up, not even that far, and they all quieted to normal level again. The meat came soon after and Jimin automatically started grilling for everyone. Seokjin patted him on the head affectionately.

“Maknae grills,” Jimin said nonchalantly. “And Jungkookie’s at the other table.” Jimin didn’t point out that Jungkook’s face was buried in his phone and Sejin was doing the grilling at their table. Truthfully, it was just Jimin’s way of staying engaged in the meal when he couldn’t eat anymore.

“Right, but then shouldn’t it be Taehyung?” Seokjin asked.

“You trust him with your lunch?”

“As you were.”

“Hey!” Taehyung glared at Jimin for a moment. “Actually, whatever, just feed me.” He opened his mouth like a baby bird. Soohee snorted and shoved a metal container of rice across the table at him. She nearly bumped into Yoongi’s lyric book, which was out on the table. He was scribbling furiously, his tongue trapped between his teeth.

“Hyung, what are you working on?” Jimin asked. Yoongi didn’t look up. Jimin waved the tongs between his face and the book. Yoongi growled and spared him a glance.

“What?”

“I thought we had a rule about no lyrics at the table...” Seokjin said pointedly.

“ You might have that rule, but I never--” Yoongi stopped and sighed, putting on a more respectful face. “I’ve got to get this idea out, okay? Jimin, how do you say this in Busan satoori?”

Jimin set down the tongs and gingerly took the book, worried about passing paper over an open grill. He looked down at the words on the page. It was all chicken scratch, but it seemed like a song about their respective hometowns.

I’m a D-boy.

Welcome to ma city.

I 'm a D-boy because I’m from D Town.

Jimin grinned. He loved when Yoongi wanted to do stuff like this. Yoongi tapped the page on a particular line and Jimin thought for a moment, before speaking his home dialect. It felt nearly foreign on his tongue after working so hard to adapt to Seoul speech.

“Whoa…” Soohee whispered. Jimin looked up at her and her eyes went a little wide. “This... is so much food. Can you guys really eat it all?” While he’d been looking at the book, the waiter had dropped off two more steaks and a pile of bulgogi. Jimin was sure that Taehyung alone could polish off about this much and said so. Taehyung nodded emphatically.

While Jimin grilled the meat, he allowed Yoongi to grill him on satoori. He had to stop after a few phrases, because Soohee choked on her water. He patted her on the back gently and watched her face for distress.

“I’m fine, really,” she said hoarsely. “I’m just going to... I’m going to the restroom.” And before he could say anything, she was slipping out of the booth. She was always slipping away. This time, Jimin was pretty sure it wasn’t the removal of Charge that left him so bereft.

Chapter Text

Jimin twisted in his seat to peer down the aisle toward where the managers were sitting. He was anxious to get off this plane. It was stupid to grumble about flying so much when they were on their first world tour, living their dream, but he was tired of the cramped seats and the fabric facemask trapping his breath against his skin and the stale air of the cabin. He just wanted to be done for today. But the managers had told them to keep their seats and let others deplane before them. Apparently, there was an unexpected number of fans waiting for them in the terminal.

So they sat still while the rows ahead of them unloaded the overhead bins and and the rows behind them shifted in their seats and spilled into the aisle and generally barely held back their impatience. Jimin identified with that.

Soohee leaned across the aisle to say something to Narae and Jimin watched as a silken strand of too-short hair came untucked from behind her ear and swung forward against her cheek. Even after several hours of flying and what Jimin was sure had to be several catnaps, her new haircut looked incredible. It was shorter and layered and parted on the side and framed her face in a way that made her look mature and sophisticated. He kind of hated it. Well, he hated how distracting it was.

She was a pretty girl. She’d always been pretty. She was pretty the day he found her, all pale and soaked on the sidewalk. She was pretty when she slept, all furrowed brow and pursed lips. She was pretty when she commanded the green room, all efficiency and fierce glances. She was a pretty woman. This was not news. Why was he so startled by it today? It was just a haircut. He got those all the time and she barely seemed to notice. He was being stupid.

“Alright, guys, let’s go.”

Sejin tapped Jimin’s shoulder and motioned to his backpack, which was still in the overhead bin. Jimin hadn’t noticed the other passengers leave, too wrapped up in his disgruntled thoughts about his soulmate. He stood up and scooted forward to stretch and let Jungkook and Namjoon out of the row.

“The Mexican Airport Police are saying it’s really crazy out there but there’s no other exit, so we’re going single file and we’re moving fast.” Sejin's voice was pitched loud enough to reach the whole group now that they were alone. Two flight attendants watched from the middle of the plane, but their pleasantly blank expressions made it clear they either didn’t speak Korean or were total professionals. “Keep your head down and don’t interact. Just get to the van.” They boys all nodded and called out their agreement in unison. “Hats and facemasks on, if you’ve got them.”

Jimin pulled his grey beanie lower onto his forehead and watched Seokjin dig in his bag for his black snapback. Jungkook fidgeted with his mask and beanie, which were already in place.

“I’ll take the lead, the rest of the staff will flank,” Sejin continued, turning to the staff. Jimin reached above him and grabbed his bag, grateful he wasn’t too short for this particular model of airplane. He didn't feel like being teased by his brothers today. “Security should be meeting us at the gate, but they’re not sure they’ll be enough. If you need to, link hands and form a barrier. Don’t touch the fans, even if they get aggressive. Just get between them and the boys and keep moving. We’ve done this before, so just stick to the routine.”

Everyone nodded. This kind of stuff used to freak Jimin out, but he’d kind of become immune to it in the last year or so. Jungkook still hated it, and Jimin could feel his tension just by standing next to him in the cramped aisle.

“It’ll be fine,” Jimin murmured, leaning in close. Jungkook nodded to show he’d heard him but didn’t speak. Jimin smiled gently. “Who do you want with you? Monnie? Seokjin?”

“Leader should be up front,” Jungkook mumbled back. Jimin knew that he hated being babied and that he didn’t relish the idea of them making special arrangements for him, but that was just too bad. And Jungkook had learned that by now. So instead, he sighed. “Seokjin in front and... Hobi behind?” As if they would deny him.

“You got it,” Namjoon said softly next to them, having overheard the request. Jungkook nodded once and swallowed hard. Namjoon bumped his shoulder gently. “Just another day at the office, Kook. Ain’t nothing but a day at work.” Jimin chuckled and their combined levity brought a small smile to the maknae’s lips.

And then they were moving. They fell into a natural reorganization on the jetway as they moved, Namjoon right behind Sejin and several of their managers and Subkulture staff. Then Yoongi (who glared around sleepily) and Taehyung (who also glared around sleepily, but Jimin wondered if he was actually awake yet) lumbered after them. Seokjin fell in behind them and Jungkook (who couldn’t help but reach out and hold onto his hyung’s backpack for comfort) and Hoseok followed him. Jimin brought up the rear (as per usual). Narae, Soohee, and the rest of the staff walked alongside them or behind him.

They weren’t even all the way out of the jetway when they heard the noise of the crowd. Jimin took a deep breath and wondered if he’d underestimated Sejin’s instructions. There was nearly an entire concourse between them and the security checkpoint where the fans were waiting, and yet… Jimin braced himself and kept his eyes on Jungkook as they moved swiftly toward the chaos.

As soon as they crossed the barrier, Jimin knew they were in trouble. This was the largest and rowdiest crowd they’d ever met, and there definitely wasn’t enough staff or security. Jungkook shrunk down into his shoulders and gripped Seokjin’s bag tighter. The private security they’d hired pulled in close and linked arms with the staff, but Jimin wasn’t sure it would be enough. Already, he could see someone shoving a cellphone camera in Yoongi’s face, which had lost its sleepiness but not all of its grumpiness. Jimin’s temper flared momentarily and it was only through years of practice in the public eye that he tamped it back down.

It’s fine. He can handle it. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before.

The noise was deafening. Shrieks and sobs, in English and what he presumed was Spanish, blurred together in an ear-piercing and mind-numbing din. He tucked his chin and kept moving. Everything was happening so fast, but they didn’t seem to be making that much progress through the terminal.

Someone screamed their love for Jungkook. Jimin watched a now wide-awake Taehyung get buffeted by the crowd a little, stumbling to the side and trying to keep his face blank. Namjoon and Yoongi seemed to be faring okay up front, but the line was stretching out quickly and fans were getting in between them and people were pulling on Hoseok’s bag and Jimin’s chest was getting a little tighter.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jimin saw Soohee link arms with Seulki on one side and Mijung on the other and use her body to force back the crowd. Hands reached over her shoulder, tangling in her hair. The force of the crowd’s movements pulled her to and fro, like a rag doll. His temper flared again and this time there was no tamping it down.

Remember where you are...

There were a million cameras in his face. Flashing lights. Watching eyes. He couldn’t go to her, couldn’t call out, couldn’t protect her. Not when it would be recorded from every angle in high definition. He clenched his jaw and kept moving forward. A hand snatched at his shoulder and fingernails dug down his back. He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could to get free of them. He ignored the burning pain on his skin, in favor of searching subtly for his members.

He could barely see Sejin ahead of him now, the mass of bodies pushing in too close and separating them all. He saw Hoseok reach for Jungkook, who’d lost his grip on Seokjin and was slightly adrift. Jimin’s stomach clenched, but then Hoseok made contact. But there were more hands on the maknae than just his hyung’s. Jimin bit the inside of his lip so hard he tasted blood.

Get through. Just get to the van. Keep. Moving.

He tried to look placid, but inside, he was seething. The security guard nearest him shouted something, but it was lost in the roar. He glanced back over his shoulder at him and caught a glimpse of Soohee’s new haircut as it disappeared in the crowd. He did a doubletake and his breath caught in his throat.

Soohee was in danger.

Her terrified face appeared above the crowd again for a second, but she was too small. There were too many fans. Too many arms reaching around and over her for him . Someone pulled her hair. Someone else got an arm around her throat. And then she was down. Dragged down into the undertow of the sea of fans.

Jimin froze, the same sea buffeting him from every direction. He wanted to scream. He wanted to rush toward her. He wanted to throw punches. But bitter adrenaline flooded his mouth, and he watched, paralyzed, as Seulki lost her grip on Soohee’s arm, trying to hold the barrier. The coordi looked down, frantically reaching and unable to help as she was pulled away from Soohee by the momentum of the crowd. Mijung cried out once as she was struck in the side by an oversize purse and then her hands were empty, too, raised in defense at the screaming girls around them, obviously begging for help.

Bodies crashed against his back. Fans slipped between him and Hoseok. One wriggled between Jimin and his guard. Hands pulled on his clothes. Catcalls grated in his ears. Camera flashes blinded him. The crush of bodies threatened to knock him to the floor. But he didn’t care about any of that. He only cared about Soohee.

He wanted to call out, but he couldn’t draw attention and he couldn’t really draw a breath anyway. After what felt like an eternity, he got control over his legs and turned back. His guard shouldered his way through the bodies and managed to get an arm around Jimin, his bulk providing shelter from the jostling. Another guard appeared on his other side, forming a brace behind him.

“Keep move. Please.” The guard’s English wasn’t great, but neither was Jimin’s.

“No! I need--” Their combined force turned him around and propelled him forward.

“No. We go.”

“But.”

“We. Go.”

And they were going, whether he wanted to or not. And he did not. But they just kept pushing, cutting through the crowd toward the outer doors. His feet barely needed to move -- the guards were doing most of the work. Jimin couldn’t see his members anymore. Couldn’t see Sejin. For three cold seconds, he couldn’t see anyone but these guards. These guards he’d met fifteen seconds ago. But none of that mattered. He still couldn’t see Soohee.

He needed to go back. He needed to get to Soohee. It was primal. It was a million times more powerful than what he’d felt in New York, the desire to tear through walls and doors and any other barriers between him and his soulmate. But he couldn’t fight the strength and momentum of the guards. Jimin wanted to thrash, to fight, to claw his way out of their arms. But he behaved like a perfect idol, face serene and head down.

Then they were breaching the doors and he could see the van. The crowd crushed close to the gaping maw of the vehicle's open sliding door. Sejin’s broad shoulders filled the space, a wall of protection between the boys and this mob. His hands gripped hard on the metal around the frame and held fast against arms and bodies pushing against him, scrabbling to see into (or maybe get into) the van with the others. Sejin was shouting something with a finger raised in the air. Jimin couldn’t quite tell over the roar, but he thought it looked like “One more! I need one more!”

Jimin didn’t care. Let the van leave without him. A third guard joined them, adding his leverage to Jimin’s back. They shouted words he couldn’t understand, which the fans ignored. He looked over his shoulder, but it was useless. He couldn’t see a single coordi anymore -- they were all still inside the terminal.

And then he was suddenly at the van. Sejin’s pulled him closer to the door and the guards released him. Jimin opened his mouth but Sejin just shook his head grimly. He was trying to guide him into the van. Jimin could hear his members calling for him. Taehyung stared straight at him through the open door. It was incredibly important to everyone else that he get into the van.

He didn’t care.

“Soohee!” Jimin shouted at Sejin, hoping he’d understand.

Sejin grabbed his shoulder. Jimin resisted, pulling back toward the crowd. Sejin’s stony expression didn’t change as he grabbed Jimin around the waist, lifted him off his feet, and practically threw him into the seat next to Taehyung.

“We have to go back, hyungnim!” Jimin tried to find purchase on Sejin’s broad chest, to get him out of the way, out of the door, out from between Jimin and Soohee. Sejin grunted and hauled himself into the van, pulling a piece of luggage behind him.

“I have to go back,” Jimin yelled. “Let me out of the van!”

“Are you crazy?!” the driver said, pulling himself inside as soon as Sejin had made it to the back seat. “We have to leave!” He forced his way into the small space between Jimin and the front seat, slamming the door behind him and cutting the volume level in half.

“No, I have to--” Jimin scrambled for the handle, “--to get her!”

“Jimin,” Sejin’s low voice came from behind him, but Jimin was almost blind with fear. “Calm down. She’s with the coordis.”

“No, you don’t understand!” Jimin looked wildly out the tinted window for any sign of her, but the driver pressed close to worm his way to the front seat. Jimin’s view was blocked. He could feel his face heating up frustration. They weren’t hearing him. He opened his mouth, but Taehyung gasped next to him.

“Hyungnim, are you bleeding?” Taehyung motioned quickly to a dark, wet spot on the back of the driver’s t-shirt as he finally landed in the front seat. The man waved his hand dismissively. Jimin choked on his own breath. He could see scratches on his own forearms, but he couldn’t feel them. Soohee was still out in that madness, possibly hurt far worse than mere scrapes.

The passenger door opened and the screams poured in. Jimin rose in his seat to see through the open door, but Taehyung grabbed his shirt and pulled him back, as if he was trying to get back out of the van. Jimin wasn’t entirely sure he was wrong to wonder.

“She’s out there, Tae,” he said desperately. “She could be hurt, she could be--”

“Jimin, she’s fine,” Hoseok said gently, confused but concerned.

“Drive!” Myungsoo yelled hoarsely as he dove into the front seat. The door shut behind him with a struggle. The driver quickly pulled away from the curb, honking to let anyone on the sidewalk know he was moving.

“No, we can’t--” Jimin stared at all of them, feeling betrayed. They were his family. They were her family. How could they just leave, when she’d been knocked down and buried in that crowd? Jimin froze. Had he said? Had he actually told them? He thought he had, but then they wouldn’t be--

He spun in his seat and grabbed Sejin’s arm. “She fell!” he yelled at last. Sejin stared at him. “Soohee. She got swept away. They don’t have her. No one had her.”

“What?” Namjoon’s head snapped up. He looked from Jimin to Sejin, who leaned forward a little.

“She got knocked down,” Jimin said, choking on the words. Taehyung grabbed his arm from behind him. He noted dimly that his grip should hurt, but he barely felt it. “Seulki and Mijung lost her. She could be trampled. She could be--”

“I’m calling Narae,” Sejin said, his phone already at his ear. “I’ll find out. Just give me a second.” Jimin’s chest heaved, but he couldn’t catch his breath.

“Jiminie,” Seokjin said softly, reaching out for him. Jimin couldn’t do more than grip the back of the seat with his eyes locked on Sejin and his phone. “She’s okay. She’s has to be okay.”

“You weren’t there,” he growled.

“Give it a second,” Yoongi said firmly. “Let Sejin--"

“Narae, do you have Soohee?”

They have her. They have to. She’s okay. She got back up as soon as I was pulled away. She’s fine. They have her and she’s fine and I’m overreacting.

She’s fine. She’ll be okay.

Sejin’s face fell. Jimin’s heart stopped.

“Is she in the third van?” Sejin wouldn’t meet his eyes. The others shifted restlessly as the van sped down the highway. Their fear was nearly as palpable to Jimin as his own.

They don’t have her. Shit. They don’t-- If they don’t have her, she could be-- What if she’s really hurt? She could have been stepped on. They were pulling her hair. What if she broke something? She’s bleeding. Somewhere, and no one fucking knows where, my soulmate is bleeding and hurt and scared and alone and no one--

“Find her, please. Now.” Sejin hung up his phone and looked at Jimin seriously.

They don’t have her. She’s not fine. She’s not okay.

And I’m not there.

“Narae isn’t with the coordis. She’s calling now.”

Panic clawed up Jimin’s throat. He couldn’t sit here and wait for Narae to call down the phone tree and get back to them. He needed to get to Soohee. To talk to her. He needed a way to talk to her while he was trapped in this van. He nearly snorted at how stupid he was, digging in his pocket for his phone. It wasn’t there. Had he shoved it in his bag? He couldn’t remember. He scrambled for it, but it had slid deep under the seat in the chaos.

“Jimin, what do you need?” Yoongi asked. “How can we help?”

“My phone? I can’t find my phone. I’ve gotta call--”

Taehyung already had his own phone out, dialing and pressing it to Jimin’s ear. Jimin didn’t know why he was surprised Taehyung had Soohee’s number (or why he was even thinking about it right then), but he was. His mind quickly moved on when the call went to voicemail. He shook his head at Taehyung, who lowered the phone with a devastated expression. Then he immediately dialed again. Jimin’s lungs burned. He couldn’t get enough air.

“Jimin, we’ll find her.” Namjoon reached a clumsy hand across Taehyung to pat Jimin on the arm. He looked down, and started. “Wait, are you hurt?”

Jimin looked down at his own arm. There were scrapes and scratches and what he was sure would be bruises in a few hours. And suddenly he was angry. He’d never been mad at ARMY before, but this was not okay. They loved them, he knew. But to do this? To his body and his skin? To his soulmate. His safety and comfort mattered little compared with not knowing where the hell his soulmate was.

“I’m fine,” he ground out. He grit his teeth and clenched his fists. He wasn’t fine, but his physical well-being was the least of his worries. Namjoon looked at him searchingly. Jimin didn’t want his concern. He wanted to know where his soulmate was and he wanted out of this van and he wanted to punch something.

His fist shot out and connected with the seat ahead of him. The driver jumped and glanced over his shoulder. Jimin growled with satisfaction and wanted to do it again. A million times.

Taehyung sighed softly and his shoulders dropped a little in something like relief. Jimin glanced over, in the hope that the call had finally connected. Instead, he met both Taehyung and Namjoon’s patient expressions, the ones they always wore when his temper got the better of him. They were giving him space to deal. He was both grateful and newly infuriated, like they’d somehow given him permission. It took a lot of willpower not to pummel the seat in front of him.

Instead, Jimin’s brain took off, imagining worst case scenario after worst case scenario, managing to find a new worst with every passing minute. In a crowd like that, anything could happen. On the floor, anything could happen. Anything could have happened. The silence in the van wasn’t helping -- it left a vacuum for all the screaming inside his head.

By the time the van screeched to a stop at the back entrance to their hotel, Jimin had an ugly stockpile of vicious images in his mind’s eye and a few dozen unanswered calls on Taehyung’s cellphone. And no calls on Sejin’s phone.

They unloaded quickly, though Jimin thought it was a stupid time to care about things like luggage. He still wasn’t sure why they weren’t dropping the others off and turning the car around to go back and find her. They’d barely made it ten steps down the hall when he couldn’t stand it anymore and tugged on Sejin’s arm. Sejin looked down at him regretfully. Jimin knew he was as worried as the rest of them. He motioned with his head to an open door of an empty conference room. Sejin motioned for Myungsoo to take the rest of the members to check in and followed Jimin into the privacy of the dimly lit room.

“What’s the plan?” Jimin asked, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat. “You’re in charge and I trust you and I respect you, so I’m trying really hard not to go crazy right now, but you have to tell me what your plan is. You always have a plan.” If they weren’t heading back to the airport right that second, then Sejin had to have a plan, because the alternative was too terrifying.

“You know as much as I do, Jimin. We just have to wait until--”

“No.” Jimin shook his head firmly. “No more waiting. You’re her boss. You’re responsible for her. I’m her soulmate, but you are her boss.” Jimin could feel himself ramping up, getting louder. He tried to keep his tone respectful, but the words were tumbling out now. “You’re her boss. You guys are the ones who talked her into this job. You’re responsible. She’s my soulmate, but she’s your resp--”

“Jimin, I know you care about her. We all do. I’m just as worried as you are, but--”

“No, you’re not. All due respect, hyung. You’re not as worried as I am. Our Bond means--”

“Hey,” Sejin said softly, reaching out to touch Jimin’s arm reassuringly. “You’re safe, okay? No matter what’s happened to her, it’s not enough to threaten your health, okay? You can’t think--”

“Oh my God.” Jimin stared at him, horrified. “This isn’t about me or my health! I’m not worried about that.”

Jimin’s defunct stomach flipped hard, his mind only now thinking about the possibility something that terrible had happened to her. But he didn’t care about himself right then. Sejin looked placated, at least mildly. But Jimin needed so much more from him right then. He looked up at his manager and practically begged.

“Hyung, we have to find her. This isn’t about me. This is about her. She could be hurt. She’s alone and she’s probably scared. Sure, she’s my soulmate and her life keeps me alive, but she’s so much more than that. She’s our teammate and she’s our friend. She’s... family. God, she is everything, hyung. She’s become the most important person in my life and I lov--”

Sejin’s phone rang that second and Jimin stopped his rambling, staring wide-eyed at what he’d almost just said. Where’d that come from? And was Sejin… smirking at him as he answered the phone? Surely not. Jimin blinked. Sejin’s face was stonily serious, focused on the business at hand. It must have just been Jimin losing his grip on the situation.

“Do you have her?” was Sejin’s greeting. Jimin’s heart stopped beating in the fraction of a second it took for Sejin’s shoulders to relax and his eyes to close in relieved joy.

Soohee was safe.

Jimin’s hands shook as relief chased a new wave of adrenaline into his bloodstream. He tried to step around Sejin to get to the lobby, knowing that’s where Soohee would end up when she arrived, but Sejin stopped him with an hand on his shoulder. Jimin winced, feeling a twinge of pain on his skin there for the first time since the crowd.

“Straight to the venue?”

Jimin’s head snapped up at that.

“But you have her and she’s okay? Yeah. Okay. See you in an hour.” Sejin ended the call and turned to Jimin with a small smile. “She’s okay, Jimin. She’s a little banged up, but no worse than the rest of us. They got her in a van right away, but it’s the one with all the gear and it has to get to the venue now or we’ll be hours behind schedule. She’s fine.”

“Take me to her.” Jimin stared at him in challenge, his heart thumping too hard in his chest thinking about what a little banged up meant. “Let’s go. Let’s get back in the car and go now.”

“We need to get upstairs and make sure--”

“No, we need to go to the venue,” Jimin said. “You can’t just leave me here. You can’t just lock me away in a hotel room again while my… my… while Soohee is--”

“Jimin. She’s fine. I promise,” Sejin gave him a reassuring pat on the arm, then looked hard at where his hand had just been. “You’re bleeding!" Sejin tugged on the neck of Jimin’s t-shirt to get a better view of his marred skin. Why didn’t you say anything? These scratches are pretty nasty.”

“She lies.” Jimin hated to say those quiet words but they were true.

“What?” Sejin looked up, confusion on his face.

“She lies," he repeated. "She says she’s okay. She says she’s fine. But she’s not. I need to see her. For myself. To make sure she’s really okay.”

Sejin looked like he wanted to argue. He peered at the scratches on Jimin’s neck and shoulder, then nodded with resignation.

“Okay, let’s go.” Sejin gave him one last appraising look. “As long as you change your shirt first. I don’t need pictures of you, bloody and scraped up, all over the Internet”

Jimin nearly hugged him. Instead, he opened the rolling suitcase at his feet and pulled out the first shirt his hands landed on. It was a button down, so he put it on over his existing t-shirt and looked to Sejin for approval. Sejin was already on his phone calling Myungsoo to get the keys to the van. There were a few seconds (far too long in Jimin's opinion) of verbal wrangling, until it was decided that Myungsoo would take Jimin back in one of the smaller rental cars and Sejin would follow behind with the rest of the members in a little while.

By the time they were back on the highway, Jimin’s adrenaline had faded enough for his frantic thoughts to slow to a normal speed. Just in time for his brain to remind him of what he’d almost blurted to Sejin in the heat of the moment back there.

She’s the most important person in my life and I love her.

That’s what he’d been hurtling toward. But what he was feeling right now wasn’t love. That would be crazy. He just cared about her like a friend. A really close friend. Like a sister. Well. Maybe not quite like a sister. Jimin had never had one, but he was pretty sure brothers didn’t get distracted by their sister’s lips and the way her curves fit against him in bed at night and--

Okay. So. These feelings weren’t brotherly. But he didn’t love her. Not romantically. He had loving feelings toward her, sure. He cared deeply about her. And yeah, okay, you could say he loved her, but he wasn’t in love with her. It was just the Bond talking.

It was totally the Bond. The adrenaline had burned a ton of calories and he was just hungry. He could really use some Charge right now. That's all this was. His skin nearly ached to be next to hers, to touch her and hold her and reassure himself that she was whole and unharmed, and to help her heal if she wasn’t. Yeah, it was just hunger. The biological pull toward her, like he’d felt in New York City, the primal need to ensure her survival, because it guaranteed his own.

Except. Even inside his head without anyone else chiming in, that rang incredibly flat. He hadn’t thought once of his own safety. Not when he’d turned around and go back for her. Not in how he’d barely felt the sting of wounds on his own skin. Not when he’d yelled at Sejin for even suggesting it. This wasn’t just a biological impulse.

“Fuck…”

“You okay, Jimin?” Myungsoo asked from the front seat, turning at his accidentally muttered expletive. Jimin looked up and shook his head quickly. He was not okay.

He was in love with his soulmate.

Jimin barreled through the venue, barely lifting a hand in thanks to Narae when she called out Soohee’s location as he flew past with single-minded focus. He burst through the green room door, panting, to see Soohee unloading bins with Mijung.

“Jimin, what are you doing here?” Mijung asked, startled. She looked a little worse for the wear, hair mussed and a small scrape on her cheek, and Jimin thought she’d maybe been crying recently. His eyes snapped to Soohee. She gave him a quick nod and went back to unloading bins, like this hadn’t been the most terrifying day of their lives. Like this was just another day on tour. He couldn’t spot any marks on her skin, but he wouldn’t be satisfied by a simple glance.

“I need to talk to Soohee alone please.” Jimin didn’t even try to pretend it was work related. He was too wound up to play that game today.

“Is everyone here?” Mijung didn’t seem to hear him or care that he was breaking one of the unspoken rules of their team. She was already craning her neck around him to look at the door. “All the boys and the managers?”

“Just Myungsoo, for now.” Jimin was about to politely ask her to leave, but she’d already dropped what she was holding and sprinted toward the door. He glanced at Soohee curiously, but his soulmate wasn’t even looking at him. She was too busy arranging makeup brushes on the counter and her eyes were focused raptly on her work.

He waited a moment, wondering if she still wanted to keep up the ruse and was letting Mijung get out of earshot. If she needed that, he’d give it to her. He’d give her anything, really. But after several moments, she still hadn’t looked up. He furrowed his brow. This was not the kind of reception he’d expected.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Are you okay?” Soohee looked up briefly and gave him a tight smile. She looked tired. It made him worry even more.

“Yeah, we’re all fine.” Her voice was a hoarse but steady. “Mijung's a little shaken up, but that’s to be expected.”

“No. Are you okay?” Jimin asked again, feeling an odd sense of deja vu.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine.” Soohee turned toward him and finally looked at him for the first time since he walked into the room. Her forehead creased, and she lifted a hand toward his neck, toward the cuts there. At the last second, before she made contact, she swallowed hard and dropped her hand. She cleared her throat, stepped back, and said, “Those look pretty bad. You should let someone take a look at them.”

Something heavy settled in Jimin’s chest. He’d been so desperate to get to her, but she didn’t seem to care at all. She truly was fine. He felt a little foolish. The last hour had been so huge for him, so full of conflicting emotions and personal discoveries and need . But here she was, content to lay out supplies and do her job. It felt a little like whiplash, this sudden stall in the frantic pace of his evening.

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Jimin asked as blandly as possible, trying not to accuse or let his fear trigger his temper. But. If she’d really been okay, it would have been nice to know before he’d nearly lost his mind. Soohee grimaced sheepishly.

“Oh. About that...” She reached down the counter and picked up a mangled slab of glass and metal, which clearly used to be her phone. She sighed sadly. “If it could have rung, I definitely would have answered it. I’m sorry.”

“Holy shit…” Jimin breathed, taking the broken device from her hand and examining it. Even though she was standing in front of him, apparently unharmed, his panic returned for a moment. This level of damage was significant. He looked up and met her eye. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, Jimin.” She smiled gently, waving a dismissive hand. He couldn’t help but see that her forearms matched his. She quickly tucked her hand in her pocket. “It got a little crazy out there, but everything’s okay now. They said you guys made it out without too much of a problem. You’re good? You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said faintly. He wasn’t. But now didn’t seem like the time for that. He was better now that he’d seen her with his own eyes, but the relief wasn’t as complete as he’d expected.

“You really should get these cuts cleaned though,” Soohee said, looking closer. Her movement brought her face a few inches from his, and he tried not to lean in, too. “Someone got you with their fingernails. You could get an infection. I think Narae had the first aid kit, last I saw.” Soohee backed away and nodded once, as if the matter was settled, and turned back to her task.

Jimin watched her for a moment. Her movements were precise and professional, even if her spine and shoulders were more tense than usual. He wanted to pull her close and hold her. He couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to realize what these feelings were. It didn’t matter when he’d figured it out, though, because it was clear she didn’t feel the same way. She couldn’t, if this was her response to what was arguably the scariest thing they’d ever been through together. It was worse than New York.

Honestly, that was the day he should have known that he loved her. When he’d opened the door to their hotel room and been flooded with relief at the mere sight of her. When she’d rushed to him and put her hands on his face. When he’d wrapped his arms around her and had never wanted to let her go. He should have known then.

But unlike that night, she wasn’t worried today. She apparently didn’t need his comfort. This was just business as usual. He couldn’t stay here and not touch her. He needed to get away, to take a minute to gather himself before he did something he’d regret.

He mumbled some weak excuse about finding Narae and fled the room. Soohee didn’t even look up. They weren’t on the same page, that much was obvious. He remembered when she’d told him she’d never wanted a soulmate, all the times she’d hesitated to touch him, who her bias was. He sighed. He might have been an idiot for not realizing he was in love with her, but now he was truly an idiot for falling for someone who wanted so little to do with him.

Chapter Text

Soohee held her breath, watching Jimin’s retreating back out of the corner of her eye. As soon as he disappeared, she let out a sigh and blinked hard, willing herself not to get emotional. He was safe and that’s all that mattered. She sagged against the counter in relief, thankful that she’d been able to hold back when all she’d wanted to do was wrap her arms around him.

She winced as her hip pressed too hard on the edge of the counter. She pulled away and breathed through the sharp throbbing. Her skin was so tender in so many places. She longed for a little Charge right then, to soothe the ache and boost the healing process. But they’d gotten more than enough last night and she couldn’t bring herself to tell Jimin about how bad it had really gotten out there, how she’d been pushed and pulled and knocked to the ground and stepped on. If he wasn’t asking for more Charge, for the extra stuff, she could tough it out.

She closed her eyes for a second and breathed through a different kind of pain. She was so relieved to see him, whole and mostly unharmed. But her hands ached for his skin, to confirm that he was as okay as he said he was. It had taken every bit of her currently exhausted strength not to pull him close and bury her face in the safety of his chest, to tell him how scared she’d been and how much comfort his mere existence brought her. But that was the exact opposite of backing off.

Things were so upside-down at this point, she really wasn’t sure what an appropriate reaction should be. If she weren’t in love with him, if she felt as platonically for him as he did for her, would she have reached out and touched him just now? She couldn’t figure out what a friend would do, since she’d never really had a friend like Jimin. What she did know was that if she’d allowed herself one touch, she’d never have been able to let go. That would have gotten dangerous fast. Both for her heart and for the tenuous truce they’d established since Chicago.

She heard a noise nearby and jumped, her eyes flying open and her heart jackhammering in her chest. The residual adrenaline from earlier was replaced by a fresh wave as she saw Narae opening the latches of one of the costume trunks. It wasn’t until the older woman looked up that  Soohee realized she’d yelped in her surprise.

“Oh, did I scare you?” Narae was instantly at her side, eyes surveying her carefully. “I thought you’d have seen me come in.”

“I had my eyes closed…” Soohee said, trying to laugh it off. She felt stupid for being so jumpy. She felt even stupider for the tears that suddenly threatened to spill down her face. She waved an embarrassed hand in front of her face and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why--”

“After the day we’ve had?” Narae snorted. “You, especially, have the right to be a little emotional. Are you feeling any better? Did Jimin find you? I thought you’d be Recharging right now.”

“No.” Soohee sniffed hard and managed to get the tears back into her sinuses. She realized her answer was unhelpfully vague and could answer any of Narae’s questions. She cleared her throat. “I am feeling better, Jimin did find me, and we’ve got too many things to do to take the time to Recharge. Didn’t he come to you for the first aid kit?”

“I gave it to Myungsoo when they arrived.” Narae looked at Soohee closely, too close for Soohee’s comfort. She’d always felt like the woman could read her mind, which was the last thing she needed right then. She began working through the makeup brushes again just to divert her gaze. “He had a few scrapes that Mijung was going to help him with. Was Jimin hurt?”

“A little bit, but he said he was fine.”

“Like you?” Narae raised her eyebrows sardonically. Soohee blushed.

“I am fine, sunbaenim.” Soohee lifted a shoulder. They were a few bumps and bruises, maybe a couple scrapes and several sore muscles. Nothing to worry about, in the grand scheme of things.

“No, you’re not.” Narae’s words came without heat. Soohee sighed. “But you told Jimin you were anyway.” Soohee nodded, feeling the tears burn behind her eyes again. She looked back down at the brushes, though there was nothing left to do with them. It was Narae’s turn to sigh.

“Please don’t tell him about… any of it, okay?" Soohee glanced up and back down quickly. "He doesn’t need to worry about me.”

“Oh, child, you’re so smart in some ways and in others, you’re…” Narae smiled gently to soften her words, but Soohee still looked at her in hurt confusion. “He’s already worried about you.”

“Well, then all the more reason. He needs to focus on dress rehearsal tonight and the concert tomorrow.” Soohee looked at the clock. Dress wasn’t for another hour or so. “Hey, did we change the schedule? I thought the boys weren’t getting here until eight.”

“They aren’t,” Narae said, moving back to the costume trunk. She pulled out a few outfits and hung them on the portable clothing rack.

“What?” Soohee followed her and began pulling out outfits, too. “But Jimin--”

“Jimin came early because no one could keep him at the hotel.” Narae chuckled under her breath. Soohee paused in the middle of sorting the military jackets from the numbered jerseys. Narae shook her head indulgently. “He threw a bit of a fit… You two have that in common when there’s danger, I guess.”

“Wait. To see me?” Soohee stared at her. That was obviously what Narae was insinuating, but that didn’t make sense. “Why?”

“What do you mean why? I just told you he was worried about you. He saw you get swept away in the crowd and security took him away before you got back up and he had a pretty understandable reaction to the fact that you weren’t with me or answering your phone.” Narae looked at her pointedly, but Soohee’s brain was too busy spinning to pick up whatever subtext Narae was trying to get her to read.

She hadn’t thought, in the chaos of the crowd, that he’d been paying any attention to her. She’d assumed he was just worried about the push and pull of the bodies, but if he knew… She felt a little guilty for playing it off as if she’d done nothing more than walk through a busier-than-usual airport with his team. But she really didn’t want him to worry about her.

She knew him well enough to know that he would blame himself for any bad thing that happened to her. He had a tender heart and a penchant for self-recrimination. He might not see her the way she saw him, but he was still a kind and generous person who wouldn’t like knowing she was hurt and she couldn’t really handle his wholehearted focus on her right now. It was too much. It made her wish for things that could never be.

“Yeah, apparently he tried to go back in the crowd for you a few times, but the guards made sure he got to the van.” Narae’s tone was just this side of too casual. 

“He tried to come back?" she yelped. "The fuck was he thinking?” Soohee’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. She hadn’t meant to swear. But that was a dumbass move on his part. Was he crazy? Narae just laughed and hung up a few more uniforms.

“Like you wouldn’t have done the same for him.”

“That’s different,” Soohee spluttered. She yanked on a jacket a little too fiercely and it fell off its blue-tagged hanger. She gritted her teeth and swiped it off the floor and beat the dust off of it. “It’s my job to keep him safe.” And also I’m in love with him, her mind helpfully supplied. She ignored that. “It’s his job to stay safe.”

“Oh, Soohee--” Narae started, looking sympathetic but slightly exasperated, but she was interrupted by Mijung sticking her head into the room and asking for her. Narae shook her head at Soohee in something like disappointment and left the room to attend to some mini-crisis or another.

Soohee kept working on the costumes, for once glad to be alone with her thoughts. Her heart wanted to take flight and run toward the fantasy where Jimin cared enough to come back for her, like some kind of knight in shining armor. But she did her best to stay rooted in reality. He was her friend and her family, whatever that meant at this point. And his continued existence depended on her safety and good health. Whether it was an instinct of friendship, chivalry, or plain survival, it wasn’t motivated by anything romantic. She told herself to stop dreaming.

Jimin was pretty sure she was dreaming. He gazed down at her in the dark and watched her eyelashes flutter. Her eyes didn’t open, but he was nearly certain she was whimpering. Instinctively, he pulled her closer, wanting to soothe whatever was plaguing her mind. Okay, that one was definitely a whimper. He propped his hand on her hip to sit up a little, just to see her face, which scrunched harshly at that moment. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was in physical pain.

She lies.

Jimin froze, then gingerly removed his hand from her hip. Her face smoothed.

Shit. He stared at her, the darkness playing tricks on his eyes, turning the shadows on her face into bruises. She was right here, literally safe in his arms, and still. He couldn’t get rid of the remnant of panic in his chest at the thought of her hurt in any way. It was why he was still awake at this hour of the night (or morning, technically). Every time he closed his eyes, he watched her disappear under a dozen arms.

He wanted to be mad at her for lying to him, telling him she was fine when she clearly wasn't. But he was too exhausted, both physically and mentally, to work himself up to anything other than disappointment. For a while there, she’d been letting him in. Slowly but surely, he’d been getting her to open up to him, but this tour had been kind of disastrous for their burgeoning friendship.

Friendship. Sure, Jimin. Friendship.

He sighed deeply. He wanted to roll away, to stare at the ceiling of this nondescript hotel room that looked like all the others they’d stayed across the world, and to wallow in self-pity over how much of a mess everything was right now. But she needed as much Charge as she could get. She would heal so much faster. His scrapes were already losing some of their rawness. By tomorrow, he wouldn’t be surprised if they looked days old. So he laid still, his chest against her back, and watched her sleep fitfully.

Her skin looked soft to the touch, something he knew to be true from experience, and her lashes fanned over her cheeks in perfect dark crescents. He remembered the night they met (or re-met, as it were), when Seokjin had looked down at her and breathed, She’s really pretty, Jimin. He’d agreed then, but he thought she was even moreso now. Now that he knew her, knew how good and kind and funny and stubborn she was, he felt like her soul pressed outward from inside her body and made her face all the more beautiful.

He snorted at the ramblings of his own mind. It apparently only took a few hours of being aware of his love for her to turn him into a sentimental sap. Her forehead creased at the sound, and he reached out to brush her hair out her face with his fingertips. He paused at the last second. He wondered if it was okay to touch her now, like this.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t worried about it before. He was always careful not to cross any boundaries with her, to make her as comfortable as possible. But now, he was in love with her. Every touch held so much more meaning. At least for him. She didn’t love him back and she was unconscious, which made it weird and creepy and stalkery, he was pretty sure. He clenched his jaw in frustration.

She didn’t have to love him back. He knew that. She owed him nothing. In fact, he was pretty sure that if they were keeping score, he’d be in her debt for the rest of his life. Sure, the company afforded her nice things, but she'd uprooted her whole life for him, left her country without complaint, and twice now had been through dangerous circumstances because of his career. He shook his head in the dark, marveling.

He’d been a complete idiot. All this time. Maybe she didn’t love him back, didn’t find him attractive (no matter how often he’d played the Shirtless Game), and didn’t see him as anything other than her fate-appointed life-partner and the best friend of her bias. But she obviously cared about him. She went out of her way to make him happy, to give him what he needed, to take care of him. Even their fight, their stupid pointless temper-fueled fight, had been about her caring for him. He could see that now. She’d gone about it the wrong way, but she’d tried.

And what had he done? What had he done to earn her affection, other than taking off his shirt occasionally and making the smallest possible accommodations for her in his life. He knew that was a vast over-simplification of the last three months of their lives, but it felt true at the moment. All the really good things she’d gained had been because of BigHit, not him. Her job, her apartment, the opportunity to travel, even becoming part of a family that (he hoped) loved her better than her biological one ever did -- these were all things that came through him, from elsewhere. He couldn’t think of a single significant impact he’d had on her life by himself.

He felt a little defeated and really unworthy. He wasn’t her bias. He was seventh in looks in Bangtan, always holding them back and dragging them down. He didn’t have the strongest voice or the prettiest face or the best skills at anything. He was never good enough. Why would she love him back?

Shut up.

For half a second, Jimin thought sure Yoongi was in the hotel room with them, the memory of his growled voice was so strong in his mind. Jimin remembered, again, the night he met Soohee. Hours before he’d stepped out into the rain, when they were still up in the studio, Yoongi and Namjoon had listened to him spill all of his negative thoughts and beliefs about his place in Bangtan.

No, seriously, shut the hell up, Memory Yoongi snarled.

When we say in interviews that you improved the most, you get that we’re not ragging on you, right? You have improved in so many ways, but that doesn’t mean we think you sucked before. I mean, Jesus, is that what you’ve been hearing?

Jimin, we would not be the Bangtan we are today without you. I can’t believe you can’t see that.

He stared into the darkness in the room, feeling something change and shift inside of him. He was the weakest member of Bangtan. At least back at debut, he had been. He was almost certain there was nothing that could disprove that. But he’d worked his ass off to be where he was today. Why could he never remember that? He might be the seventh in looks, but he was still one of seven really attractive members of an internationally popular group. There had been a hundred fans literally screaming these things at him in a foreign language mere hours ago. Why couldn’t he hang on to that?

His jaw tightened as he thought of all the ways he’d worked to hang onto his place here. When an article called his voice weak and unrefined, he asked management for more vocal training and sang until his throat was raw. When a fancam went viral of him messing up the choreo on stage, he’d pounded the floor of the dance studio until the clocks and his body begged him to stop. And when photos turned up on Twitter of his soft belly because his abs had left him for Hoseok, he’d wrenched himself away from his soulmate and hit the gym twice as hard as he’d ever done in his life.

He closed his eyes and let the sinking feeling in his stomach overwhelm him for a moment, letting the shame and frustration curl in on itself until its internal pressure created a mass of self-replicating energy. He tapped into it and took a deep breath. Because when his soulmate didn’t love him back, what was he going to do? He was going to work for it like all the other things he’d worked for.

He was going to have to woo her.

She was so skittish around him and put up her defenses so easily that he knew he couldn’t just confess. Maybe it was the tiny coward inside of him that validated that concern, but staring down into her placid face, he couldn’t help but believe it was true. If he laid it all on the line and she wasn’t there yet, these last few weeks would look like a honeymoon compared to the awkwardness and distance they’d break into. And he couldn’t help but think that would last years, not a few measly weeks.

No, there would be no recovery from a poorly-timed confession. He was going to have to take his time. And as much as he wanted to prod her awake right now and just tell her already, he was soothed by the realization that they had time. An entire lifetime if he needed it. She wasn’t going anywhere.

He just needed to show her all the ways he loved her, all the things he had to offer her as more than just her platonic lifemate. And if she still didn’t love him back, after a decade or two, he could at least admit defeat knowing that he’d done his best. He hid his rapidly-blooming grin in her shoulder, hoping she didn’t take that moment to wake up and look at him. He looked like an idiot. But then his smile slid off his face.

He had no idea how to woo a woman.

Theoretically, he knew how to turn on the charm, when he was on stage and it was all make-believe. He could wink and lick his lips and run his hands through his hair in a calculated gesture of seduction. But that wasn’t who he really was. He couldn’t pull off greasy in real life. He knew his strength lay in cuteness over sexiness.

Aegyo.

He could bat his lashes and turn up the eyesmile. She wouldn’t be able to resist. He was suddenly reminded of when they were in the middle of promoting I Need U and he’d been asked repeatedly (obnoxiously) to imitate the little girl who was scared of the ghosts. And how the members all asked if he was constipated. Okay, so his aegyo was shit.

Damn it. New plan.

He would ask Hoseok and Seokjin. They’d both dated before. Seokjin had even managed to get Valentine's Day gifts at an all-boys school. Surely they had some tips for him. And until then, he’d have to keep his eyes open for ways to make her feel special. To make her feel loved.

He thought of what he actually knew about her. It wasn’t much, in the grand scheme of things. He wasn’t even sure he knew her favorite color. She liked to draw. He could maybe find some time to go out and buy her a new set of pencils or something. He bit back a groan. That seemed really lame. Here, have some sticks that make colors as a sign of my undying love for you. Nah, he’d need to do better than that.

He wracked his brain. What made her happy? What made her smile that one particular smile, the broad one where she ducked her head and her eyes lit up and she played with the tips of her own fingers. She hadn’t smiled like that in a while.

“Get off me!” Soohee cried out. Jimin instantly raised his hands in the air and rolled away a little, not sure when she’d woken up or what he’d done to upset her. She thrashed in the sheets and whimpered again. “No stop lemme up!”

“Soohee?” Jimin called tentatively, sitting up in confusion.

Her eyes remained closed, but her mouth opened in a pained groan. She was still asleep. She raised her hands weakly over her face in a defensive gesture and Jimin’s heart sank. She was having a nightmare. She frowned hard and shook her head, inching her way across the bed backwards, as if trying to escape something.

“Soohee.” Jimin’s voice was louder this time and he put a hand on her shoulder. She calmed instantly. After a long moment, her breathing evened out. He slowly lowered himself back to the mattress, but his heart was now racing in a hollow approximation of the adrenaline spike he’d felt earlier that day. He was never getting to sleep now.

He laid on his back for a few minutes, afraid to touch her and trying to think of anything but her muffled shout across the concourse as she was swept away. She whimpered in her sleep again and rolled over, knocking her shoulder into his. She blinked blearily at him, brow furrowed and her typical sleep-grump scowl firmly in place.

“You okay?” he whispered.

“Need to find my purse,” she mumbled, closing her eyes.

“What? Why?” he asked, already thinking through where she might have left it when she came into the room earlier than night. Had she even had her purse with her?

“The bunny will be scared…” She buried her face in the pillow and sighed as if deeply put out. Jimin blinked. She was clearly not actually awake. Her eyes opened wide and she said, "Ninjas are not the answer!" before closing them again.

He chuckled silently and rolled onto his side to face her, admiring her adorable pout. And then he was very quickly looking away from her lips and thinking about anything other than how soft they seemed. He looked back just in time to see her hands reaching for him and tangling in his shirt. He grunted in surprise as she pulled herself close to his chest and buried her face in his collarbone.

“Soohee?” Jimin’s arm hovered in the air over her body, unsure what was happening.

“‘m not fine… need… owwww...” She pouted with her eyes still closed and snuggled closer. Then she sighed and smiled in her sleep, a soft, contented smile that faded slowly into perfect relaxation. It wasn’t the smile he’d been thinking of earlier, but it was still one of his favorites.

He slowly lowered his arm until it settled around her waist, hoping for the millionth time since they met that he wasn’t crossing any lines. He kept his hands to himself and tried to only touch her enough to give her Charge and comfort. But still, something in his heart turned over and glowed a little bit. She was hurting and scared and she’d reached for him. He closed his eyes and let himself believe, for just a moment, that it meant something.

Soohee sidled up to Taehyung’s chair and put on her best smile. He looked up from his phone in a daze, obviously consumed by whatever he was paying attention to (Soohee thought it looked like a subtitled episode of Spongebob Squarepants). He smiled back brightly before it faded into concerned confusion.

“Hiya, Taehyung,” Soohee said, biting her lip and rocking back to her heels temporarily. Taehyung looked around the busy dressing room in suspicion. He leaned forward and motioned for her to do so, too. She did immediately, tilting her ear curiously.

“Noona?” he whispered.

“Yeah?” she responded eagerly. He glanced in the mirror to look behind him and leaned even closer. She peered at him.

“Why are you being weird?”

“Oh. Um.” Soohee pulled back to laugh nervously. “Sorry. I just. I need to ask you a favor.”

“And you thought you had to butter me up?”

“Well…” She looked away. Taehyung nodded encouragingly. “I need to borrow your phone.”

“What happened to yours?”

“It… met an untimely fate.” She held out her damaged phone, the spiderweb of cracks on the screen so plentiful that it looked more like ice. She wasn’t even sure why she was still carrying it around, since it wouldn’t turn on, but when she’d woken up in Jimin’s arms that morning (embarrassingly tangled with her face in his chest, again), she’d slipped it into her pocket out of habit as she crept out of the hotel room.

“Wow. That’s. Wow.” He shook his head. “Why didn’t you just borrow Jimin’s?”

“He’s busy and I just need it for a second.”

She batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly and put her hands in Petal Pose under her chin. Taehyung chuckled loudly. Jungkook blinked himself awake in the chair on the other side of Taehyung and groaned, then got up and stumbled the few steps to a vacant couch to collapse back into his nap. Soohee shook her head at him and turned back to Taehyung.

“I need to text Eunha and tell her we’re all okay -- she’ll have seen the fancams from the airport by now and she’s probably panicking because I’m not answering her messages.”

“Oh, Eunha-noona!” Taehyung immediately held his phone out. “Tell her Jimin almost climbed through the window of the van to come back and protect you, so you’re totally in good hands.”

Soohee busied herself with the phone so that she didn’t have to allow her face to react to that piece of information, which was both new and startling. Her defunct stomach did a little flip at the idea. She told herself it was because of residual fear, that Jimin would jeopardize his safety like that, and not because of the way it made her hope for impossible things. She leaned casually against the counter, careful to avoid her bruised hip.

“I hope you don’t mind Eunha having your number,” she muttered, trying to change the subject while still typing her message. “She’s a fan, but I promise she’ll behave herself. Although she’s going to freak when I tell her whose phone this is… Maybe I shouldn’t tell her. She might faint knowing her bias is one text away.” She looked up with wide eyes. Taehyung snickered. “Shit. I probably wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“It’s okay, I already knew.” Taehyung grinned at her. She nearly choked. “We typically know when we’re someone’s favorite or not.”

“Oh god.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “So then you know... that you were my bias?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung’s voice turned just a little softer. Soohee opened her eyes slowly, a blush heating up her face. Taehyung pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and nibbled on it thoughtfully. A few months ago, that move would have had her swooning. Now, she just saw his Thinking Face. “I, uh… I noticed the past tense there, though.”

“Yeah…” It was Soohee’s turn to chew on her lip. Her blush intensified. “Well. I mean. It’s not that--”

“It’s okay, noona.” His eyes were gentle and kind. “He’s my favorite, too, you know.”

Soohee gave him a grateful smile, his words feeling oddly familiar. She really didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But it would be insane to think that her allegiances hadn’t changed to her own soulmate. Still, she felt incredibly exposed and needed a diversion. She put on her best Eager Fan face and clutched the phone to her chest.

“I know. Min Yoongi is just the best, right?”

Taehyung laughed so loud that Namjoon and Jimin, clear across the room, looked up in surprise. Jimin ducked his head again right away (and Soohee didn’t miss the way his eyebrows lowered fiercely) back to the game he was playing on his phone, but Namjoon observed them carefully for a few more seconds before going back to his lyric book. Jungkook didn’t move.

Feeling like she’d sufficiently distracted Taehyung from the awkward topics of soulmates and biases, she finished typing her message to Eunha (mostly telling her to calm down and breathe, since she was almost certain her best friend was not handling any of this well). She handed the phone back to Taehyung, who put it in his pocket rather than returning to his cartoon.

“I’m glad, though, noona,” Taehyung said, his voice pitched low. “Jimin really is my very favorite person and I’m happy he met you.”

“That’s… that’s really kind of you to say, Tae.” Soohee didn’t know what to do with the unabashed and unfiltered sincerity beaming off his face. It was lovely but also intense.

“I was really worried about you, at first.” Taehyung shook his head in self-deprecation, rolling his eyes at his own foolishness. “It was petty and stupid, but I was afraid you’d... steal him from me or something? Like it was a competition?” He snorted out a short laugh. “I don’t know why I didn’t factor in that you’re the very best match for him in the universe. It’s kind of the point of soulmates.”

Soohee tried not to scoff. She was quite possibly the worst match for Park Jimin. She could clearly see the benefits he brought to her life, but she couldn’t figure out what the universe thought she brought to the table. As far as she could tell, she’d just made everything far more complicated than it used to be.

“I mean, it’s definitely changed things,” Taehyung said idly. A little too idly. Sometimes Soohee wondered if he had a superpower or something. “I don’t spend as much time with him as I did before. Actually, I think I might hang out with you more than him these days.” Soohee felt an odd curl of guilt in her stomach. “But this whole soulmate thing is just fabulous. I should get one.” He sighed dreamily.

“Tae, you have no idea how… difficult it can make things sometimes,” she said carefully. She wasn’t sure if he was joking, but she couldn’t keep herself from tempering whatever she was witnessing. Bonding was kind of a mess.

“Oh, I know.” Taehyung shrugged. “But you and Jimin will figure it out eventually.” Soohee blinked at him in shock at the bold statement, but he continued, “Plus. Mandatory cuddles. How is that not my thing?”

“It’s more--”

“And the whole extended life thing? God, that’s kind of incredible. I don’t need to live forever or anything, but if Jimin is going to be kicking it until 120 or so, then I wanna stick around, you know? We’re going to make the best Grumpy Old Men.”

Soohee cocked her head and furrowed her brow. She knew soulmates didn’t get sick easily and they healed more quickly, but she hadn’t really extrapolated that out to a longer life. She supposed that was the logical outcome, but she honestly didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about where she’d be when she was eighty or older. She could barely think about what the next few months would be like, loving Jimin from afar and figuring out the ever-changing steps to this awkward platonic dance they had going on.

“Oh, did you not know? Yeah, soulmates are like, well, they’re not immortal. That would be awesome, though,” Taehyung said with an impressed face. He paused for a moment, seeming to think through the implications of that idea. He shook himself. “Anyway, the human body will eventually break down -- it’s just the nature of the beast. But the way you heal fast? That works on regular old cellular degeneration, too. So you’ll never have to worry about things like cancer or heart disease or diabetes or stuff like that. Viruses and bacteria are still a thing, but your immune system is in better shape to fight them off than most people.”

“Taehyung,” Soohee snorted, “how do you know all this stuff? I mean, even with my parents being soulmates and high school health class, I didn’t know half this much about the biology of Bonding until I met Jimin.”

“Oh, I did some research,” Taehyung said airily, waving a hand. “So, like, it’s pretty incredible when you think about the science of it, but there’s so much more to it, too. Like, can you imagine if more than the current ten or fifteen percent of the population were Bonded?”

“I haven’t really given it much though, no…” Soohee bit back a chuckle at his enthusiasm. He just leaned forward eagerly. “Is that important?”

“Oh god, yes. Like, what if it was close to half, instead? Or if the ratio were flipped and most of the world didn’t eat?” He shook his head in wonder. “That would have some pretty heavy implications on the economy -- the agriculture sector alone would practically collapse. And most of the food left would be kid-centric, right? Since most of the Unbonded would probably be young?” Taehyung shook his head in wonder. “And don’t get me started on the sociopolitical ramifications. I mean, doesn’t this just fascinate you?”

“Have you been talking to Joonie?” Soohee teased. Taehyung wrinkled his nose and blushed a little but didn’t back down.

“No. Like I said, I did some research. Well, a lot of research.” Taehyung shrugged sheepishly. “We didn’t know a thing about you after First Touch -- we didn’t even know your name. But I needed information, so I spent a lot of time on Naver.” Soohee chuckled at his wide-eyed expression. “And then I started thinking about the statistics. Even with all of our opportunities for First Touch, it’s probably almost impossible that two of us in Bangtan would find our soulmates. Which is a bummer for me.” He pouted dramatically. “I really like snuggles.”

“You never know, you could meet her tonight at the hi-touch.” She shrugged. “But if you’re desperate for skinship, I’m sure we can find a solution for that. Besides, with a heart like yours and a face like that,” she said, motioning broadly to his whole person, “I am pretty sure you’re destined for an epic love story with or without a soulmate.”

“Ooooh, maybe I’ll get a real-life version of those dramas about pop stars.”

“Nah, something more like a Joseon-era one, probably.” She pushed off the counter and put a hand on his shoulder in mock seriousness. “Someday, when the time is right and the stars align and the prophecy comes to pass, you will meet the girl you’ve been dreaming of and you’ll have approximately one billion babies and--”

“And we’ll live in the house next door to you and-- Oh, hi, Jiminie!” Taehyung looked up and Soohee instinctively pulled away from him.

“Sejin needs to talk to you,” Jimin said flatly, looking between the two of them and raising his eyebrow at Taehyung. “He’s out on stage.” Taehyung immediately jumped up and patted Jimin on the back and he walked away. He winked at Soohee over Jimin’s shoulder. She stared after him in confusion. Jimin cleared his throat.

“What’s up?” She turned her attention back to him. Her eyes couldn’t help but trace the marks on his arms, already healing well enough to be covered by some concealer later, when they got into costume. But still, the sight of them made her chest ache just a little bit.

“I… could use a little Charge?” he said, not quite meeting her eye. She tried not to be excited about this, but this was the second time he’d found her in the middle of the day recently. Maybe he was starting to take better care of himself.

“Sure, we have some time before you need to get into hair and makeup.” She glanced around. There really wasn’t an out-of-the-way spot for them in this greenroom.

“I already talked to Myungsoo.” He tipped his head toward the far door. “There’s a spare room down the hall that no one’s using right now." She glanced at the time, doing some quick math. Jimin smiled. "And they’ll send someone to come get us when it’s time to come back, since your phone is out of commission.”

She followed him willingly down the hall, touched that he’d thought of all the details. She tried to tell herself it was just practical. This was his job. But still, she allowed herself a little pleasure from the kindness. She also forced herself to slow her pace, to be a few steps behind him, in case they ran into anyone who wasn’t from their team. The only person she saw was Myungsoo, who lingered a few meters down the hall in what she knew was likely the beginnings of guard duty. She felt sympathy for him and made a mental note to pick up some slack for him later so he could have a break (maybe she could even coordinate it with Mijung's break, if she was careful enough).

Jimin paused just inside the door and grimaced. She slipped in behind him and saw the issue right away. It was a much smaller and simpler dressing room, probably meant for a solo artist, and had exactly one makeup chair and two folding metal chairs at the large counter. No amenities. No couch.

“Floor?” Soohee suggested.

Jimin bit his lip and lifted a shoulder, like he was asking for her permission. She rolled her eyes, then slid down the nearest wall and patted the spot next to her. She was a little bit proud she didn’t flinch when her tailbone hit the floor a little harder than she’d intended -- it was still pretty bruised from her fall yesterday. Jimin closed the door and joined her quickly.

“Thanks for this.” He gestured vaguely at their posture as he took up their normal sitting pose. “How’s your day going? You left the hotel pretty early this morning.”

“Oh, yeah, I just needed to get a few extra things done today, so I caught a ride over here with Narae.” Actually, she’d been mortified by the impropriety of her unconscious mind, which had delivered her a very… nice dream about him and when she’d woken up with her front pressed against his, she’d felt the need to escape before her body tried to reenact the live version. She cleared her throat. “My day’s going fine. Sejin and Narae don’t seem to need as much help as usual, so I got to hang out with Taehyung a little.”

Soohee looked around the room awkwardly. This was the first time in a long time that they were Recharging alone, without unconsciousness imminent. It had been less than two weeks since things had gotten weird between them, but still. She didn’t know how to do this anymore. Well, she knew how she used to do it, but if she was really going to keep her distance, she couldn’t do that anymore.

“How, uh… how’s yours going?” She looked back at him in time to see his expression morph from grumpy into something more placid. She furrowed her brow.

“I’ve been thinking it might be time to film another Bangtan Bomb. ARMY loves seeing us backstage before a concert.” Jimin paused, then smiled sweetly, batting his lashes and wrinkling his nose cutely. “Would you run the camera for me?”

“Oh,” she frowned. Was he... wheedling? Did he expect her to say no? Maybe she’d backed off too far if he felt he had to go to these lengths just to ask her a simple question. “Of course. That’s my job, right?” His expression dropped back to normal, though it held a touch of disappointment. Then he brightened and tried again, this time with his hand propped under his chin. Was he... doing aegyo? (Is this what she’d looked like earlier with Taehyung? How embarrassing.)

“Thanks!” He scrunched his face into a goofy grin. She peered at him. He was acting really weird. (And somehow still really cute. She deserved a medal for the herculean effort it took to keep a sappy smile off her face.) 

“Jimin, are you feeling okay?” she asked tentatively. He immediately sobered and nodded, clearing his throat. Was that a blush creeping up his cheeks? God, his skin was amazing.

“I’m fine.” He coughed lightly. “I, uh, just… So what were you and Taehyung talking about?” His tone was casual, but there was an odd edge to it, and Soohee was confused by this whole conversation. She latched onto the topic change gratefully, hoping to steer them back to something a little more normal.

“Soulmates, mostly, I guess.” Soohee shrugged when Jimin raised an eyebrow. “He thinks that his chances are pretty slim, of finding his soulmate, but I don’t think you have to be Bonded to be destined for each other, you know?”

She stared across the room wistfully. She wasn’t naive enough to think that without this fate, she’d still have met Jimin, but she knew her love for him had very little to do with their Bond. She would love him with or without it, because he was an incredible man with the best heart and he deserved love and happiness.

“This life you guys lead is incredible, but it’s also pretty lonely. You constantly give up so much to be here and it makes me a little sad. I just want…” She stopped herself abruptly, realizing she was actually speaking out loud and to Jimin, of all people, about love and destiny. She took a deep breath and kept her tone neutral, veering the conversation back to safe ground. “I just want good things for.. Taehyung, you know? I know none of this will mean much to him if he doesn’t have someone to share it with.”

Jimin frowned a little, enough that Soohee wondered why he’d be opposed to Taehyung happily sharing his life with someone. Maybe he was just as worried about losing Taehyung as Taehyung had been about losing Jimin, back when he and Soohee had first Bonded. Soohee floundered for something else to say, but Jimin seemed lost in his own world anyway. They lapsed into heavy silence for several minutes. When Myungsoo rapped on the door, they broke apart and stood quickly. Soohee was always a little relieved to be done Charging like this, because prolonged contact did strange things to her heart. But she had the strangest sense that Jimin was even more relieved. She sighed. Without meaning to, she'd allowed herself to hope again. She really needed to stop that. 

Chapter Text

Since the fiasco in the airport in Mexico, management had changed how they arrived for flights and departed the airport. It was similar to what they’d had to do in Dallas, sneaking out a VIP exit to avoid the crowds. Jimin looked across the private waiting lounge in the Sao Paulo International Airport and wondered again at how much attention they were getting across the world. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that they had any fans in a place like Brazil, let alone enough for a full concert. For better or for worse, they were hitting a new level of fame.

When he’d first left Busan, he’d known the odds of them getting anywhere near famous were pretty slim. He knew signing with a small and relatively unknown company in an industry that only held appeal for teenaged girls was a long shot to greatness. He figured, if they even got to debut, they’d get some exposure on music programs and try to reach a broader audience through variety shows and possibly bit parts in dramas. He’d get to sing and dance for as long as they let him and it would have to be enough.

After debut, they’d had a very slow but pretty steady climb in popularity. There were a few moments he could point to -- right after Boy In Luv came out or when they were invited to perform at the MAMAs last year (not even on their own, but still) -- that were definitely turning points in their exposure to the world at large. But this year had been different. Everything was happening so much faster than anyone expect. It was like they vaulted up the mountain to a whole new plateau.

And so, they waited for their flight to Santiago for far longer than they were used to, since they’d arrived so early. Jimin was willing to admit that he might be a little cranky from the early wake up (and the fact that he’d gotten exactly nowhere with Soohee in the last few days), but he still couldn’t help but glower at his two youngest brothers as they laughed and played with her across the room. They had a deck of cards, but for all the sense that their game was making and the amount of arm waving Taehyung was doing, they could be playing Charades.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Jimin nearly jumped out of his skin at the soft voice and warm breath against his ear. The high pitched cackling and the thump into the seat next to him were less surprising. Hoseok grinned at him unrepentantly, and Jimin rolled his eyes. He didn’t really want to be grumpy right now anyway, so he allowed his mouth the smile it was bending toward.

“Talk about what?” Jimin took on a teasing tone. He did not want to talk about his jealousy or his soulmate’s Jimin-shaped blind spot. He searched for a distraction. “Talk about me leaving your bony ass behind in the middle of Blanket Kick last night? Are you still pouting about that?”

“Nah, you’re just being chicken since I threw you on the bed in Mexico,” Hoseok returned. They both chuckled. Hoseok waggled his eyebrows. “Actually, the fans kind of loved that, from what I’m seeing on Twitter.”

“Hyung, you should stay off of Twitter.” Jimin shuddered at some of the things he’d found there. The abs photos were honestly the least of it.

“Ehh, whatever, my English isn’t that good, so I’m mostly fine.” Hoseok grinned cheekily. “Anyway, we should totally do that again.”

“Throw me on the bed? I don’t think so.” Jimin was mostly joking. They always had fun with that song. He arched an eyebrow at Hoseok tauntingly. “Tomorrow night, it’s your turn.”

Hoseok shrugged, affably willing to go along with just about anything if it made his members and ARMY happy. It was one of the reasons Jimin liked being paired with him on stage for that kind of thing. He would do just about anything Jimin wanted. The others didn’t often indulge him as much, though Taehyung frequently roped him into more shenanigans than the ones he initiated himself. He looked back over at Taehyung, seeing Soohee’s arm flung around his shoulders, trying to get one of her cards back. They wrestled a little bit, laughing.

“Hey, hyung…” Jimin asked slowly. Hoseok looked up at him expectantly.

Jimin wasn’t sure how to start. He probably shouldn’t tell Hoseok he was in love with Soohee before he told Soohee herself. He figured it was only fair that she was the first one he told. But he needed some help. He’d tried spending more time with her, taking on more Recharging than he really wanted to, since it was a way to get her to sit still and pay attention to him. But his flirting and compliments on how hard she worked and his casual questions about her day were all met with polite, perfunctory responses. He needed help with his wooing.

“I need to step up my game. With... ARMY.” Jimin chewed on his lip, hating to lie to one of his brothers. But Soohee was ARMY. Technically. Jimin lowered his voice. “How do you… flirt?”

“What?” Hoseok barked out a laugh. “You are the Grease King of Busan. What do you need my help with?”

“No, hyung, like…” Jimin sighed, though deep inside he was pretty pleased with that title. “Not stage stuff, but real person-to-person flirting. Like at fansigns and hi-touches and stuff. You dated a girl before Bangtan. You’ve got to have some game, right?”

Hoseok clutched his chest in mock-offense. Jimin giggled at him and he broke character immediately to join his laughter. Then his face calmed and he eyed Jimin carefully for a long moment. Jimin wondered if he could see right through his farce. Hoseok was definitely intuitive and empathic, but Jimin thought he was being vague enough.

“Why do you need game? You’ve got the eyesmile and the rice cake cuteness--”

“Rice cake?” Jimin interrupted, slightly wounded. “I do not look like a rice cake.” Hoseok pinched Jimin’s cheeks and made squeaky noises. Jimin batted his hands away and huffed. Hoseok’s face softened a little.

“Jimin, are you ready for my very best wisdom on how to date girls?” Hoseok looked at him firmly. Jimin nodded slowly, feeling like Hoseok was finally taking him seriously. Hoseok raised an eyebrow in question, as if making sure. Jimin nodded again, more confidently this time. “Okay. So. The most important thing I could ever teach you. Are you ready?” Jimin nodded again, silently begging him to get on with it. “When a girl walks up to you and asks you to be her boyfriend, you say yes .”

“Hyuuuuunnnngggg,” Jimin groaned. Hoseok cackled madly. Jimin hit him on the shoulder.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” Hoseok’s laughter tapered off. “I’m actually being serious. I was seventeen and she asked me. I had very little game, I just said yes.” Jimin snorted and Hoseok shrugged. “And obviously it was a love story for the ages, with her breaking up with me for that idiot. But whatever. I had dancers hips and eyeliner. I’m pretty sure that’s what caught her attention. And you already have those, so you’re halfway there!”

“That is supremely unhelpful.” Jimin glared at him playfully. Hoseok stuck out his tongue.

“Go ask Seokjin. He’s so much better at this stuff than I am.” Hoseok paused and glanced around the lounge, lowering his voice even though Jimin was sure none of the rest of them could hear them at their current volume. “Just… do me a favor, okay? Ignore anything Namjoon tells you to do, okay?”

“Hyung, that’s a given,” Jimin said, giggling. Hoseok wrapped an arm around Jimin’s shoulders, then pulled him in for a gentle noogie. Jimin still protested and shoved him away, but he couldn’t keep from smiling.

“But, in my experience?” Hoseok said lightly as he stood up. “For whatever it’s worth--”

“Not much, by your own admission.” Jimin smirked. Hoseok snorted.

“Game doesn’t really matter. Be yourself. You have plenty of natural charms and she-- ARMY already likes you for who you are.”

Jimin watched Hoseok walk away, probably to beg food off one of the managers. That advice was sage and profound and all, but it didn’t really help Jimin in this particular situation. He knew he’d been too vague. Sure, ARMY in general liked him just fine. But Soohee had far too many walls up for his natural charms to be anything but pebbles against a window.

He watched her starting a new game with Jungkook and Taehyung. He toyed with the idea of telling Jungkook and Taehyung that Hoseok was hungry and wanted to go looking for food down the concourse just to get them away from Soohee. But Taehyung was already getting suspicious every time Jimin had found him and Soohee together and had told him Sejin needed him (some of the times it had been true, Jimin swore, but... not as often as it probably should have been). As much as it drove him crazy to see her be so easy and free with the rest of them when things were so awkward and strained between themselves, he knew one thing was for sure: he couldn’t win if he didn’t play.

He sighed and braced himself, then pushed off his seat with a big smile and a cheerful greeting. The three of them looked up at him as he plopped down on the floor next to Soohee. A little closer than was strictly necessary, probably, but the lounge contained only their people and skinship was one of the only tools in his belt right now. He flashed a grin at his brothers and let his shoulder brush against hers and linger there.

“So, what are we playing?”

“Oh shit, I didn’t mean to video chat, I just--” Soohee grappled with the unfamiliar tablet while swiping at her wet cheeks. She dropped it on the couch cushion and swore loudly. Eunha’s laughter mocked her through the tinny speakers. “Hang on.” She picked it back up and blew her hair out of her eyes. “Sorry. I’m a mess.”

“I don’t care just look at you I feel like I haven’t seen you in a month wait did you get a haircut it looks great it’s so short and cute and modern and you look sophisticated I love it how did you even find time to get it done?” Eunha stopped to take a breath and it was Soohee’s turn to laugh.

“Unnie, it’s has been a month. Almost, anyway.” Soohee sniffled a little and tried to cover it with a chuckle and a quick pose to show off the haircut. “And yeah, I got it cut in L.A. Do you like it?”

“Lee Soohee,” Eunha said firmly, leaning close to the camera to give her a speculative eye. “Have you been crying?” Soohee thought about lying, until Eunha’s face softened. “Oh, friend, tell me what’s going on. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Soohee said. Eunha snorted, and Soohee chuckled humorlessly at how much of a mantra those words had become lately and how untrue they were. “Okay, I’m not fine, but it’s not a big deal. I just--” She floundered for a moment.

She wasn’t even sure why she’d called. She’d had a break and Yoongi had loaned her his tablet until they could get back home to replace her phone (had slid it wordlessly across the table after she’d looked at her broken phone for the fourth time in a half hour) and she had an empty, private dressing room to herself for an hour break and she’d just... reached out. She hadn’t even looked at the time.

“Oh my God, did I wake you up?”

“Pfft. Like that matters.” Eunha rolled her eyes. Soohee felt her chest get a little tighter at the tiny gesture and her stupid tears welled up again. “Why’ve you been crying?”

“I don’t know.” Soohee lifted one shoulder. “It was stupid. I was working the craft service table and it all smelled so good and I just really miss food.” Soohee laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. Eunha smiled sympathetically. “And I’m just so tired. All the time. There’s never enough sleep and there are so many cities. Like, I literally only know what day it is because they tell me we’re in Chile and that means it has to be August second, because I memorized the schedule, but hell if I know what time it is.”

“It’s eleven A.M.,” Eunha said promptly. “You’re at UTC minus three right now, same as Sao Paulo. You didn’t change timezones when you left Brazil, even though you flew four hours west. So you’re exactly twelve hours different from home. Just flip the A.M. and P.M.” Soohee blinked at her and Eunha’s straight face crumbled into giggles. “I have been so bored with you gone that I’ve basically been cyber-stalking you across the world.”

“I miss you,” Soohee whined.

“I miss you, too,” Eunha said. “But you’re getting on a plane home tomorrow.”

“Yes and it will take literally thirty-three hours to get home.” Soohee pouted and wrinkled her nose. “Thirty. Three.” She drew out the syllables of each word with a whine. “And that’s just travel time -- it doesn’t account for that twelve hour time difference. We won’t get home until the fifth.” She huffed and scowled.

She knew she was being a little childish, but she was allowed to be ridiculous with her best friend, especially after being such a responsible adult this entire time. She had been so responsible and so adult and so consistent about it and she was too tired to do it for at least the next twenty minutes.She flopped her head against the back of the couch, pulling the tablet up with her.

“I miss you and I miss our lunch dates at the mall and I miss rice. And kimchi. And japchae and coffee and bingsu and red bean buns. I miss reading Hangul. I miss knowing what street signs say and where those streets go. And I miss how Seoul smells after the rain, with the breeze off the river.”

“Ew.” Eunha wrinkled her nose. “You must be really homesick, if you miss that.” They both pinched their noses and giggled. Soohee paused thoughtfully.

“I am homesick.” She tilted her head and really looked at Eunha, whose digital image looked back expectantly. “I’ve never been homesick before.” She shook her head as Eunha started making low sympathetic noises. “I’ve never left home long enough to feel it. Huh. I didn’t think I liked home that much…”

“Well, home can mean a million things,” Eunha said carefully. “Korea in general is home. So is Seoul. And home can be your house… Do you miss your apartment?”

“Not really?” Soohee thought about the small, cozy place filled with her things, across the hall from the boys’ dorm. It filled her with a little bit of peace, thinking about how happy she’d been there, even in the short awkward time she’d gotten before they went on tour. But this ache was more than that. “I miss you. And I miss normal. I mean, everything is so messed up and some days I wish I could go back to… before.”

“Before the tour?”

“Yeah.” Soohee shrugged guiltily. “Or earlier.” She looked across the room, unable to meet Eunha’s eye.

“Before... Bonding?”

Soohee nodded, her eyes welling up again. She sniffed hard and blinked, but the tears that had been trembling against her lower eyelids wouldn’t be held back. They trickled down her cheeks, and she felt wearier than ever.

“Soohee, talk to me. Did something happen?”

“Not… Well, yeah, but it wasn’t-- I just...”

Eunha waited patiently for Soohee to stop floundering. For once, Soohee wished Eunha would hold to her usual habit of interrupting with questions or excitement, but she kept infuriatingly quiet.  

“I’m in love with Jimin.” Soohee breathed out carefully. She’d never said those words out loud before. She watched her friend’s reaction carefully. Eunha simply looked back at her, waiting for something more. Soohee should have known Eunha wouldn’t find this newsworthy. “I love him, but I’m supposed to be backing off and giving him space and getting over it and I don’t know how and then suddenly he’s being all… charming and speaking in satoori and he always wants to Recharge and I don’t know which way is up because he told me he didn’t want anything more and I just--”

“Wait, he told you what?” Eunha’s face disappeared momentarily as the view swung toward the ceiling. Then she was back, closer and fiercer than ever. “He knows how you feel and he doesn’t--”

“No,” Soohee said quickly. “Not exactly. We, uh, we had a big fight about… Well, I overstepped again and he was really angry and hurt and we both said things we shouldn’t have, but in the end, he was pretty clear about how he wanted us to be. And I’m trying really hard to respect that.”

“I don’t understand.” Eunha’s jaw was set in a tense line. The expression was familiar to Soohee, but it took her a moment to place it. It was the one Eunha wore when they were talking about Soohee’s parents. “Does he know how you feel?”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Soohee said, scrunching her face. “Everything was so heated and shouted and--” Eunha’s face clouded over and Soohee rushed to explain. “I yelled, too. I promise he wasn’t just-- Well, anyway, I told him I cared about him, but I didn’t confess or anything. Not exactly. But he was really upset and told me to back off and--” And get my own life and let him live his… She couldn’t bring herself to say the words aloud, though she wasn’t sure if she was protecting Jimin or if they were just too painful.

“When was this?”

Soohee groaned. It’d been two weeks since the fight, and it felt both like an eternity and like she’d just woken up that next morning with her nose pressed against his neck and her illusions broken. But in that time, she hadn’t had a chance to talk about it with her best friend. Or, maybe she’d avoided the opportunity on purpose. She cleared her throat.

“In Chicago.” Soohee cringed, bracing for Eunha’s reaction.

“Lee Soohee!” Eunha did not disappoint her. “I am your best friend. I don’t care if you’re halfway across the world from me and there are timezone issues and you suddenly only speak English and can only talk to me via Morse Code and you’ve grown mackerels for hands. You have a fight with your soulmate, you call me.” Soohee snorted. But then she nodded sheepishly, unable to find an excuse that wasn’t cowardly. “You’ve had far too much time to stew on this and now I have my work cut out for me.”

Eunha set her phone down propped against something so that she could sit back and literally roll up the sleeves of her pajama top. Soohee chuckled through her teariness. Dr. Kwon was in the office and there was no stopping her once the appointment had begun.

“Soohee, we’re going to play a little game of True or False.”

“Unnie....”

“You and Jimin had a fight. True or false?”

“I just said--”

“True. Or. False.” Eunha’s no-nonsense tone always meant business.

Soohee sighed so deeply, she felt her bones settle a little further into the couch and her soul age a few years. “True.”

“You both said things you didn’t mean. True or false?”

“True.”

“It follows then, that Jimin said things he didn’t mean.”

“True...”

“Park Jimin has a temper.”

“True.”

“You put others’ needs above your own.”

“Well--”

“To the point of the exclusion of your own needs,” Eunha said firmly, trudging forward. Soohee swallowed hard. “True or false.”

“True,” she admitted. She added in a mutter, “Sometimes. Maybe.” Eunha gave her an evil eye but didn’t comment.

“So you’ve done even more than he asked and backed away from him as far as your Bond will allow.”

“True,” Soohee grumbled. She wanted to add a million caveats, but she knew Eunha would just cut them off.

“And now Jimin’s been asking for more Charge and trying to be nice to you.”

“True.” Soohee thought about how impossibly magnetic his smiled was when he turned the full force of it toward her. Goddamn that boy. She sighed and stared at her friend, exhausted and grumpy and confused. “How exactly is this helping?” Eunha let out an exasperated breath.

“Well, I thought hearing it out loud like this would help you reach your own conclusion,” Eunha said, shaking her head. “Soohee, it sounds like Jimin’s trying to apologize.”

“What?”

“At the very least, he feels badly for whatever it was he said in the fight and you’ve pulled so far away that he’s having to chase you.”

“Oh.” Soohee adjusted the tablet in her hands, as if that would shift the camera perspective enough to avoid this shift in her mental perspective. “You think so?”

“I say this with all the love in the world,” Eunha said. “But you two need to sort your shit out and soon. I can’t stand seeing you so off-kilter.”

“It’s not that easy, but thanks. I guess?” Soohee needed time to think about that, but she wasn’t ready for the call to end. It actually physically hurt a little to think of hanging up right now. Homesickness was no joke. She cast around for another topic, but Eunha saved her.

"Okay, so other than your major love crisis, your perpetual exhaustion, and the fact that craft service duty is actual torture, how's the tour?” Eunha smiled brightly. “Anyone try to kill you this week?”

“Kwon Eunha, you are terrible.”

“Too soon?” Eunha’s grin was too wide to be repentant.

“Probably.” Soohee let herself smile along with her. “It was funny, though. Wrong, but funny.”

“This tour has been insane.” Eunha shook her head. “Is management just on edge all the time now?”

“The first few days after New York were rough, but we got a nice break in Chicago. Rented out a house and took a few days out of the spotlight.” Soohee tried to think of the time with fondness, but her own life had been a bit of a ball of stress right then. She’d enjoyed their time at the house, though. “Actually, we got to meet Jungkook’s childhood babysitter.”

“Oooooh, did she give you all the dirt? I need to know everything!”

“We only talked for a minute, actually.” Soohee chewed on her lip, remembering the conversation and feeling emotional all over again. Eunha watched her carefully. Soohee lifted a shoulder a little helplessly. “She, uh… she was Bonded. With kids.”

“Oh, wow. That’s… That must have been… How was that?”

“She… she liked them, unnie.” Soohee stopped and shook her head. “She loved them. She was kind and warm and snuggled them and played with them and wasn’t bothered at all about feeding them and just… She and I talked about it a little and she got really upset hearing about... them.”

“Because they’re awful, Soohee,” Eunha said softly. She looked regretful and opened her mouth in what Soohee was sure was going to be an apology.

“She said that, too. She called them assholes, actually.” Soohee chuckled humorlessly as Eunha closed her mouth and tried not to look vindicated. “I know you’ve been saying it for years, but it was different, from her. Not that I didn’t believe you or--”

“No, sometimes an outside perspective helps. And I’m not Bonded and my parents aren’t either. She understands in a way I just don’t.” Eunha watched her for a moment. “So. How’re are you doing with… all that?”

Soohee blew out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She felt a little like she’d been holding it since Chicago. It was one thing to grapple with the theoretical impossibility of her own kids someday, with Jimin. But it was a whole other thing to wade through brackish waters of her relationship with her own parents. But that same uncomfortable truth she’d felt while talking with Nayeon (as her attempts at compliments became windows into her fucked up childhood) was still as fresh today.

“They were wrong.” Soohee felt her face heat up as she thought of all the ways her parents had failed her.

“They were.” Eunha’s voice was soft but full of conviction.

“They were selfish and wrong and they should never have been parents and I don’t owe them any kind of respect or excuses because of their Bond or because they’re biologically connected to me.” Her words were gaining speed and volume and for the first time in her life, she let them. Eunha simply nodded along encouragingly. “I deserved better. I deserved parents who cooked me dinner and cared about my grades and asked about my life and give me good night kisses.” She choked on an angry sob. “I deserved parents and I’m so mad at them for not being anything like they should have been.”

“You did deserve better and it’s okay to be mad about this,” Eunha said.

“But where does that get me?” Soohee asked desperately. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“It changes you.”

“Into what? An angry, bitter, lonely child trapped in an adult’s body?”

“For now, maybe?” Eunha gave her a watery smile. “But eventually, if you let it, it could heal you.” Eunha shrugged. “I’m no psychologist. I help old women shop for a living, so I don’t know much about any of this stuff, but I know you. You care about people so much, but you’re so afraid of taking up space. Because your parents convinced you that’s all your life was -- getting in their way and using up a room in their house.” Eunha clenched her jaw and shook her head, as if trying to calm down. It didn’t work and she growled, “So get angry. Don’t get smaller just to make peace. You deserved better from them and you deserve to take up space in your own goddamned life!”

Soohee stared at Eunha through the screen. They were both red in the face and breathing a little harder than normal. She’d never really thought about it that way before. She blinked, her flushed face blank in the tiny box on the screen as her mind raced.

How many times had she hidden in her room or the kitchen to avoid being a burden to her parents? How often had she turned down invitations to Eunha’s house for big family dinners, because she’d just be in the way? How many times had she lied to Jimin and Sejin and the others to keep them from worrying about her too much? She’d been too busy trying to disappear from everyone else’s life to actually live her own.

“Fuck.”

“I’m sorry,” Eunha rushed to say. “I shouldn’t have--”

“No, you’re right. You’re so right.” Soohee shook her head, her eyes growing wide as Eunha’s words continued to sink in. Eunha watched her, a hopeful smile playing across her lips. “I should get to be present for my own life. Goddamn. I’m mad at them all over again.”

Eunha grinned and nodded once. “Good. Hang on to that. I think it’s going to be useful.”

“God, I miss you.” Soohee wanted to reach through the phone and grab onto Eunha’s arm or hug her or pet her face or something else ridiculously touchy that she’d so rarely allowed herself before. Soohee groaned and flopped against the couch melodramatically. “Why can’t you just be my mom?” Eunha snorted herself into giggles and Soohee followed her.

“You know what? I am your mom. It’s settled. Now, go do your homework and go to bed, child,” Eunha shook her finger threateningly at the screen. Soohee giggled again. Eunha scrunched her nose in protracted thoughtfulness. “Okay, that doesn’t work. But still…”

“You are my family, though. You know that, right?” Soohee smiled gently into the camera, feeling sappy and not caring. “You chose me all those years ago, but I choose you back and there's no getting out of it now, so you’re stuck with me.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Eunha smiled back softly, but then the smile began morphing into something mischievous. “Of course, I’m going to have to learn to share you. It sounds like you’ve gone and gotten yourself a whole set of brothers. If I was a less confident and generous person, I might get jealous.”

Soohee grinned. It wasn’t that long ago that she’d wanted to roll her eyes every time someone at BigHit called the company family. It seemed like a thing that companies tell themselves but none of the employees really believe. No one at her old workplace acted like family. None of them would have coming looking for her late at night after something dangerous had happened near her -- hell, some of them hadn’t even stood up from their desks the day she’d fainted in the middle of the office. But as difficult as it had been to believe everyone at BigHit at first, she couldn’t see it any other way these days.

She felt a strange peace settle in her heart. Because even if she and Jimin were never romantic, even if she had to be there while he fall in love with someone else and watch him start a family and stay just his friend and food source... Even if she and Jimin were only ever this and Bangtan never won a Daesang or topped any charts and BigHit remained a small company relegated to obscurity, she could count on one thing. They were and would always be family.

Her family.

“Of course...” Eunha continued. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. I mean, brothers are really loud… And smelly. And whiny.”

“I’m familiar,” Soohee said with a fond eyeroll. “But they’re kind of the best, right?”

“If you say so...” Eunha winked. “Okay, fine. Yeah, they’re kind of alright.”

“Well, I think I’ll keep them at any rate.” Soohee smirked. “Someone has to keep them in line. Did I tell you Namjoon literally lost his pants the other day?”

"What?!" Eunha's eyes widened eagerly. "Like, he took them off in front of people?"

"No, like, he misplaced them and couldn't find them and wore a towel skirt for an hour while we looked for them."

“Oh, my god, no. But I have about twenty minutes before I’ll regret my bedtime, so I’m all ears.”

Soohee nestled into the corner of the couch and perched the tablet on her knees. Her eyes were a little swollen from her tears earlier, but everything felt just a little easier now. Eunha was right -- she should never try to deal with this stuff on her own. She was barely capable of playing True or False by herself. She couldn’t go so long between phone calls with Eunha ever again.

“Okay, so it all started when a fan tried to give Jungkook a live bunny they'd smuggled into the hi-touch…”

Jimin could barely see straight he was so tired. He wasn’t sure he could get up from this couch, let alone perform a handful of songs for the dress rehearsal that was set to start in fifteen minutes. If he never saw the inside of an airplane again, he’d probably live quite happily. It would mean living in here Thailand for the rest of his life (or a really, really long boat ride), but he could maybe make his peace with that. Possibly.

Of course, they’d had just under twenty hours in Korea yesterday, and he’d spent most of it running from the dorm to Soohee’s apartment to their company building just to see everything and touch everything and be home. He sighed. Okay, he would really miss Korea and he only knew like four words in Thai and moving here was probably a really bad idea. He’d basically be holding Soohee hostage, anyway, and that seemed like a really bad way to go about wooing her.

Not that his efforts over the last week had had much effect. He sighed again and this time it felt like it came from the tips of his toes. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him back -- that rejection would hurt and would take a long time to heal from but he’d handle it with as much grace as he could muster -- it was that she didn’t seem to even notice him doing anything different.

He would do his level best to flirt and she’d just nod or smile like she would in a conversation with any of the members (though at least he felt like their conversations had reached normal again). And then she’d spin off to another task or duty or project. He could never pin her down for more than a few minutes at a time, even when they were alone in the hotel -- they both fell asleep so quickly these days.

He’d tried speaking in satoori a few times, but she never seemed to understand him when he did it. She’d just kind of stare at him in silent confusion until he repeated himself in Seoul dialect, so he’d stopped fairly quickly (and spent more time than was reasonable wondering how she could speak English, but not understand a dialect of her own native language).

He tried telling her jokes randomly throughout the day, because he missed her laugh and that adorable way she scrunched her nose, but she just snorted and shook her head in mild disappointment. Though, to be fair, he should probably stop getting his material from Seokjin...

He’d also caved and bought her some colored pencils, but she’d found them before he could give them to her and excitedly assumed they were an early birthday present for Jungkook. Jimin wasn’t quick enough on his feet and she seemed so pleased by his thoughtfulness toward his dongsaeng and so now that maknae bastard had some new, really expensive art supplies. At least Jungkook had shared them with Soohee.

Jimin had even gotten desperate and started skipping the gym to get more sleep and spend more time with her -- it was possibly the only thing that had made her truly happy so far. But he still needed to lift his shirt on stage and look amazing for another handful of concerts, so he’d begun doing a million crunches and situps and pushups in the hotel room to compensate. While possibly playing the Shirtless Game. He wasn’t entirely meaning to tempt her with his body or something, but if that was a side-effect....

It wasn’t.

She usually missed most of it, to be honest. As soon as he started his workout routine, she’d offer to jump in the shower, so it would be free for him when he was done. He appreciated the gesture, but by the time they’d traded places and he was finished washing the sweat off his skin, she was typically fast asleep in the bed. One night, he’d decided to double his routine (since he was still losing precious definition to the magical nutrition of extra Recharging) and maybe sort of subtly hoped she’d get out in time to appreciate all his hard work. She’d taken a bubble bath.

So in the middle of the day, he took every break possible to join her wherever she was, backstage. But if he was on a break, then his brothers were likely to be, too. And Soohee seemed like a Bangtan magnet these days. Especially Taehyung and Jungkook. Especially Taehyung. Jimin was glad she was connecting so well with them, but he was about two days away from calling a group meeting and asking everyone to back the hell off.

But he didn’t want to isolate her that way and he still didn’t like the idea of them knowing before she did. As much as she was blending into their little family, he knew if things didn’t work out for them romantically, it could get messy really quickly. He’d rather suffer in silence than risk the slim chance that his brothers would take his side and leave her on the outside again. Though, with how things were going lately, Jimin wondered how loyal they would be to him -- she’d charmed them almost as deeply as she’d charmed him.

Jimin snorted at himself and melted further into the couch, his eyes shut as he drifted in thought. More than likely, what would happen if they all knew about his feelings was that they’d all turn into meddling aunties and give him absolutely no peace until he confessed to Soohee, at which point everything would get so much more awkward than it already was. It was one of the reasons he hadn’t worked up the courage to ask Seokjin for advice, even though he was feeling desperate.

He had to admit things had changed a little in the past few days -- it felt kind of like they way it had before the tour, more relaxed during Recharging and slightly easier conversation. It was incremental at best though. He’d been joking when he’d thought about taking a few decades to win her over, but he really was playing the long game on this one.

Sometimes, he’d catch a glimmer of something in Soohee’s expression that gave him hope. A slight blush (she was so Goddamned pretty when she blushed), a lip bite (her lips were terribly distracting), or a flustered movement with her hands (he was so far gone, he even thought her hands were beautiful). But then she would get called away or find something to do and he’d be right back where he started, wondering if he’d imagined it all.

“Jimin, you okay?”

“Hmmm?” Jimin opened his eyes at Taehyung’s voice. His best friend was looming over him, looking concerned.

“You look constipated,” Taehyung said without preamble. “Can you even get constipated anymore?”

“Pretty sure, no.” Jimin pushed himself up slowly, shrugging. “Did you need something?”

“Nah, I’m just bored. Jungkook’s in one of his stormy moods,” Taehyung used two fingers on each hand to make giant air quotes around the term, “and Soohee’s busy.”

“So I’m your third choice these days?” Jimin kept his tone light and playful, but he was biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself in check. He was a big enough person to admit that he was jealous, and not of Taehyung’s time. “I rank after Jungkook and Soohee now?”

“Well, Soohee's pretty cool…” Taehyung sprawled on the couch next to him, limbs everywhere, including on Jimin. “Did you know she can speak English? She’s really good!”

“Yeah, actually.” If Jimin smiled a little smugly, that was okay because Taehyung was currently staring off into space. “She said she learned because--”

“And you’ve seen her latest drawings, right?” Taehyung continued. “That one of the Banpo Bridge was amazing. I think she’s feeling a little homesick. She said she spent most our time at home either sleeping or in the office preparing for the Summer Sonic trip. She’s got some really cool ideas about how we can streamline our travel planning, too. She’s super smart. Like, God, her brain works so differently from mine, you know? So organized…”

“Yeah, well, it’s not that hard for someone’s thoughts to be more organized than yours,” Jimin said faintly. “Your brain moves like a tornado.” Taehyung chuckled at his description and continued talking, telling Jimin more fun facts about his own soulmate (more than half of which were unfortunately news to him) while Jimin’s mind picked up speed and circular motion.

Jimin had spent considerable energy in the last weeks trying not to be jealous of the ways Soohee talked to Taehyung, laughed with Taehyung, looked at Taehyung. Long before she’d confirmed it, he’d known Taehyung had been her favorite member. It made him uncomfortable to feel like he was competing with his best friend for his own soulmate’s attention. But he hadn’t, for one second, stopped to consider that Taehyung might be interested, too.

Immediately, a childish voice sprung up in his mind, chanting things like Mine! and I saw her first! and You’re not her soulmate, Kim Taehyung and drowning out Taehyung’s ramblings. But as his friend stared wistfully up into the middle distance between the couch and the ceiling and extolled the virtues of Lee Soohee, another voice permeated his heart. His own voice.

Soulmates or not, she’s not coming between us. I’d rather starve than let her.

He’d made a promise, in that dark hotel room in Kota Kinabalu: everything might change when he met his soulmate, but he and Taehyung wouldn’t. It had felt impossible then and it felt even more impossible now. But he’d rather suffer in silence than risk the chance that he’d hurt one of his brothers. He groaned internally, barely listening to Taehyung anymore. He could do it. Possibly. Probably. If he had to.

For Taehyung, he would do just about anything.

And if it made Soohee happy, well, he’d do it. He would be okay. Well, that was bullshit. It was probably going to hurt like hell and be the most difficult thing he’d ever do and he’d likely regret not fighting for her nearly as often as he treasured being friends with Taehyung, but playing heroic felt like the right thing to do right now, when everything was still theoretical.

But the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. Maybe it wasn’t theoretical. The two of them spent all their time together, laughing and joking and playing around all the time. She seemed so happy with Taehyung, so relaxed and so… herself. He’d been pleased to see it, underneath the jealousy, because he wanted that for her, even if he wasn’t the one giving it to her.

And Taehyung had been calmer recently, more centered. Jimin knew from years of friendship that Taehyung sometimes felt like he didn’t fit into this world -- most of the time, this was a good thing to be unique, but sometimes it burdened him and left him isolated. But when he trended that way, Hoseok and Jimin (and sometimes even Namjoon) could typically pull him out before he got too far into the darkness. Soohee was now one of those people. Jimin knew it was true without even thinking about it.

All of the pieces slotted together, forming a picture Jimin hadn’t even realized he’d been squinting at for weeks. His best friend and his soulmate… Shit, if this was true, it was going to be excruciating.

“So then I told her that it was all well and fine if she and I cuddled up sometimes,” Taehyung said, breaking through Jimin’s thoughts.

Jimin’s head snapped toward Taehyung, who had somehow managed to inch himself all the way into Jimin’s space, his body across Jimin’s lap and his hand playing idly with the hair at the back of Jimin’s neck. It was so Taehyung that Jimin hadn’t even registered it while he’d been thinking so hard. And now he was too busy praying he’d missed some vital piece of the conversation that would make Taehyung’s last comment mean anything other than what it sounded like.

“But honestly, I just want my own soulmate, you know?”

Jimin blinked at him. Well, there was that context he’d been looking for, though it didn’t actually clarify much for him.

“You want a soulmate?” Jimin pursed his lips and remembered his conversation with Soohee last week. He’d thought, at the time, that maybe Soohee had been pining for Taehyung. But now… Now he was just really confused.

“Jiminie, have you even been listening?” Taehyung sighed with exasperation. “This is what I’m talking about, right here. You used to be my platonic life partner and now you don’t even listen to me when I’m sitting directly in your lap talking to you.” Taehyung rolled his eyes petulantly. “I mean, if I have to share you with Soohee, the least the universe can do is let me trade up to a life partner with, you know, boobs and stuff.”

“So you don’t-- You’re not-- And Soohee--?” Jimin couldn’t get the words out, couldn’t trust the relief that was already rocketing through his chest. Taehyung peered at him, one eye squinted and his mouth slightly open. It made him look as stupid as Jimin felt. “You want a soulmate? With boobs? That is not Soohee?”

“What?” Taehyung sat up so quickly he had to pause before he regained his equilibrium, his eyes crossing for a second while he swayed. He shook his head hard and gaped at Jimin. “Soohee's your soulmate. How can she be mine? Wait, Park Jimin, did you-- Oh my God, you fucking idiot.”

“Hey!” Jimin scowled at him.

“Please, for the love of God and Korea and Bangtan and Bang Sihyuk’s cat, would you please talk to your soulmate, I am so tired of you both right now.” Taehyung put a hand dramatically to his forehead.

“What does that mean?” Jimin demanded.

“Boys, they need you on stage. Everyone’s waiting,” Sejin called from the door.

“Oh, sorry, hyungnim!” Taehyung called, bounding off the couch and toward the door. Jimin stood and chased him.

“No, Tae, wait, just--” He sighed as Taehyung disappeared around the door frame and down the hall. The music started up just then, muffling what Jimin was sure was a peal of maniacal laughter. Jimin paused and looked up at Sejin’s impassive face. “I hate him,” Jimin said flatly. Sejin nodded sagely and motioned down the hall. “You’re my best friend now, hyung. How do you feel about being a 95 liner?”

“For the last time, you are not lowering your speech with me, Jimin.”

“It was worth a shot.”

“Get on stage.”

“Yes, hyungnim.”

Chapter Text

Soohee pulled an armload of wet clothing out of the washing machine and shoved it into the dryer. Then she stretched and breathed in the smell of her own apartment with a contented smile. They’d be leaving for Japan tomorrow, but for today, she was home. It felt really good. And she’d had the entire day completely free, for the first time in over a month.

She looked around the spotless living room for something to do. The afternoon was beginning to drag as she got to the end of her list of chores. Her bags were unpacked and repacked for the flight tomorrow, and this was the last load of laundry she needed to do. It would be an hour before it was dry. She'd already vacuumed and swept every inch of floor she owned, and dusted nearly every surface. She had more free time on her hands than she knew what to do with.

She paused outside the bathroom door, wondering if she really wanted to scrub the bathtub (they’d each used it only twice since the last time she’d cleaned it). Her eyes landed on Jimin’s toothbrush in the cup next to the sink. Her eyes drifted to his contacts solution and case next to it, then to his bodywash on the shelf in the shower. She frowned and turned toward her bedroom.

His favorite sweatshirt hung in the closet, next to her row of sun dresses and sweaters and blouses. His phone charger laid across the nightstand on his side of the bed, between a snapback and a small pile of the rings he wore most frequently. He was everywhere, like he’d moved in when she did. Which was basically true, though he hadn’t started showering and dressing there until after the tour. Sharing a hotel room all the time had made them more comfortable, she supposed.

She found she didn’t mind. There was an unfamiliar but welcome feeling of safety, having him so integrated into her life. They were in a really good place. A great place, actually, if Soohee could just get a handle on her urge to reach out, grab his face, and attack it with her own. She’d been successful so far, but he didn’t make it easy. Damn his lips.

And he seemed so much happier in the last week or so, since she’d stopped trying so hard to keep him at arm's length. Her heart still ached every time he turned that snaggletoothed grin on her or talked in that lilting accent or otherwise brought that stage grease anywhere near her, but she had to face the fact that her heart hadn't been any better off while she’d been backing off. At least this way, she got more of what she wanted, even if it would never be enough.

She sighed and shook her head. She needed to stay busy to distract herself. It was the only strategy she had left. She thought about heading into the office, even though she’d been told to take a break. She could go in and spend a few hours getting… the stink eye from Hobeom and various tutting noises from the other office staff (Sejin had somehow enlisted them all to thwart her overtime lately).

Still, she felt guilty. This beautiful apartment was practically a gift from the company. The urge to earn her keep and be less of a financial burden clung to her skin as she wandered aimlessly from room to room, looking for something else to clean or do or set right.

You deserve to take up space in your own goddamned life!

She froze for a second, then groaned loudly and scrunched her face. She was doing it again. Becoming smaller. Taking up less space. She played a short version of True or False? by painstakingly reminding herself of how much she’d accomplished at work yesterday, of how much she’d helped on the tour, of how much Sejin (and Narae and Hobeom and Bang Sihyuk) had wanted her to have this apartment for free, and of how, instead, she’d demanded to give up half of her paycheck for it. She took a deep breath.

“You are not taking advantage,” she mumbled to herself, feeling kind of foolish for saying it out loud but knowing she would dismiss it too easily if it stayed inside her head. “You are good at your job. They appreciate you. You are allowed to have a day off. You’re allowed to take up space.”

She blew out a harsh breath and nodded firmly. Straightening her shoulders, she repeated the mantra to herself a few times. She still wasn’t sure what taking up space meant in a practical way, but she figured it had something to do with allowing herself to have some of the things she really wanted. Or at least, allowing herself to contemplate wanting them rather than rejecting them before the thoughts could fully form.

“Okay,” she continued aloud. “You have the rest of the day off. What do you want to do?”

Immediately, she knew what she really wanted was spend the evening curled up on Eunha’s couch, eating junk food and watching their favorite movies. Unfortunately, Eunha was working a double shift, and junk food wasn’t an option anymore. Soohee had a couch and plenty to watch, if she wanted it, but it was strangely disconcerting to be alone after so long in people’s company.

She’d been by herself in the office most of the day before while the boys had been at the Idol Star Athletic Championships, and she was asleep by the time Jimin returned last night. And when she’d woken up, she’d been too fogged and grumpy to do more than squint at him and mumble good morning as he’d left for dance practice. She assumed he’d found other things to do with his day off, since she hadn't heard from him. It already felt like she’d spent a week alone.

She wasn’t sure she liked it. She shook herself. That was stupid. This was her first real break since the chaos of the tour, where the only time she’d been truly alone was in the bathroom. She should be relishing the quiet, savoring it. She reminded herself that she’d spent almost every day of her life (before Bangtan) on her own and that she’d been perfectly happy that way. She could do this. She would spend an afternoon alone, living her life and taking up space in her own space, and she would enjoy it.

She looked through her small collection of DVDs and movies and wrinkled her nose. Nothing appealed. She could look for something to stream, but when she was in a mood like this, she’d usually just spend an hour scrolling through the options and end up choosing something she’d seen a million times, like One Piece or Tokyo Ghoul.

She stopped and her eyes widened with glee. Taehyung had the latest season of One Piece and they’d never finished it. She could totally go borrow it from him. She’d just slip across the hall, grab it, and come back to finish her day of lazy solitude. It would be a good reality check, too, to hear how chaotic and loud and not soothing other people were, especially the seven of them. Yes, this would be a great way to kill two birds with one stone.

“Noona!” Taehyung grinned and pulled the door wide. The living room was empty and the apartment was oddly quiet. “I thought you had the day off. We don’t even have a schedule until tomorrow afternoon. Did something change?”

“Hi, Tae,” Soohee said, stepping just inside the door. If she listened hard enough, she could hear Jungkook and Namjoon talking quietly about something down the hall. The low rumble of their voices, the cadence and rhythm and gentleness, was soothing. She shook herself. “No, I’m just here to see if I can borrow One Piece. I’m taking my day off very seriously. I don’t plan to leave my couch for the whole evening.” She flashed him a mock serious face with a curt nod. “May I take it please? I promise to take good care of it.”

“Oh! Actually, I never finished it,” Taehyung said, glancing regretfully toward the bookshelf that held all their movies. His face brightened. “Hey, we should watch it together! Come on in.”

Soohee opened her mouth to protest, but Taehyung was already sprinting for the living room. Before she could follow him more than a few paces, he had the disc in the player. She supposed she could spend tomorrow morning alone, if she really needed the solitude... Taehyung and Eunha had a lot in common, so it was almost like her original plan anyway. She followed him with a small smile that was quickly growing into a grin.

“Which episode were we on?” he asked over his shoulder, fiddling with the remote. “Oh, nevermind. It remembered. Sweet, I love technology. Now all I need are snacks.” He spun and skidded his way to the kitchen on his stocking feet on the hardwood. “You want water?”

“Sure!” she called after him. Jimin poked his head out of the hallway in surprise at the sound of her voice.

“When did you get here?” He frowned. “I thought you were taking the day off.”

“I was. I mean, I am. I just came over to borrow--”

“Jiminie! We’re watching anime, wanna join us?” Taehyung came back into the room only a little slower than he left it, his arms laden with packages and containers and one hand holding Soohee’s glass of water precariously. She took it from him quickly and opened her mouth to remind Taehyung that Jimin didn’t really like this show (she knew he preferred dramas, generally).

“Sure, I’ll watch,” he said. “Which one is it?”

“One Piece.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want, She said quickly. "I was actually just going to--” She reminded herself that Taehyung had invited her to stay. She didn’t need to offer to leave. She could take up some space on their couch and if Jimin wanted to do something else, he was a big boy and could say so. The thought was both mildly uncomfortable and a little freeing.

“No, it’s fine. I… yeah, it’s fine.” Jimin shrugged and dropped into one corner of the couch. “Actually, want some Charge? I could use some.”

“Oh, sure,” Soohee said, trying not to chuckle that she’d managed to procure her own “snacks.” She quickly sat next to him and tucked herself into his side. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She thought of how awkward this pose used to feel. Now it was so normal, she barely noticed it. Actually, now she enjoyed it.

“Okay, Jiminie, just for you, I’m starting it one episode back so you can catch up,” Taehyung said magnanimously. Jimin rolled his eyes. “I’ll answer any questions during this one, but as soon as we get to the next one, there’s no talking, okay? Also, no eye rolling, scoffing, or other forms of mocking. These are the rules of One Piece and they are viciously strict. You will promise to abide by them or I will kick your ass right out of this room. Deal?”

Soohee could tell Jimin was working very hard not to roll his eyes again or laugh at Taehyung. In the end, he agreed begrudgingly. Soohee smiled and shook her head at the two of them. Taehyung finished arranging his snacks on the coffee table and grabbed the remote. Then he plopped on the other side of Soohee, not too close but closer than they usually sat. She frowned, hoping he wasn’t feeling too left out lately -- she’d been trying to give him more time with Jimin and not flaunt their Recharging, if she could. But he just smiled and pressed play.

He started to explain the show to Jimin, who wasn’t listening very carefully and asked questions Soohee knew were designed to tease Taehyung. At one point, he made fun of a character’s outfit and both Soohee and Taehyung swatted at him in retribution.

Soohee had forgotten how wiggly Taehyung could be when he wasn’t exhausted. Half a day off had given him so much energy. While he explained and scolded and reminded Jimin of the rules he’d agreed to, he flopped his limbs all over her. His arm made its way along the back of the couch so he could smack Jimin on the back of the head more easily and his legs changed from cross-legged, to up on the coffee table, to hooked over the arm of the couch in a matter of ten minutes. It all resulted in him nearly snuggled into her side, so that she was like the middle of a 95-liner sandwich.

What surprised her, more than his clinginess or Jimin’s antagonization, was that she honestly didn’t mind. It was actually really nice. She was growing to enjoy this platonic cuddling thing. Jimin’s teasing was maybe getting a little harsh, but she knew they set their own limits and didn’t need her getting in the middle of their friendship. Mostly, she was feeling sleepy and content. Still, Taehyung was starting to look pouty and she couldn’t help the urge to cheer him up.

“Hey, Namjoon sent me some videos from the ISACs yesterday,” she said between their jabs, trying to change the subject. “You guys did really well! I even saw a little of your race. You’re really fast.” Taehyung scrunched his nose at the compliment, clearly pleased.

Soohee thought she heard Jimin mutter something like I ran, too but when she looked at him, his face was placidly focused on the television screen. She frowned and turned back to Taehyung.

“Jungkook, though. What are we feeding that kid? Jet fuel?” She shook her head in amazement.

Taehyung snorted and nodded. The opening sequence played on the new episode, and he wriggled excitedly in his seat. “Okay, no more talking. This is serious business.”

“Right,” Soohee agreed firmly just as Jimin grumbled, “Sure it is.” Soohee nudged his side with an elbow. He was being grumpy for no reason and his mood was slowly seeping into the space she was trying to take up. He glanced at her and she gave him a stern look. He sighed, settling back into the couch and looking bored. She clenched her jaw and tried to focus on enjoying the show and ignore his antics.

As the episode built, she got pulled in, giggling at the funny parts and glancing at Taehyung to share the inside jokes she knew Jimin wouldn’t get or care about. Taehyung readjusted his position again to that he was leaning against the arm of the couch, throwing his legs across hers. His feet landed in Jimin’s lap. Jimin pushed them off with a grunt, to which Taehyung responded with a noise that sounded kind of like an offended cat. Soohee rolled her eyes and patted her lap to assure him she hadn’t minded. He put his legs back carefully, avoiding touching Jimin. Even so, Jimin muttered something unintelligible and glared at Taehyung’s feet.

Taehyung’s arm was still along the back of the couch, though he wisely avoided smacking the back of Jimin’s head anymore. Soohee had a feeling Jimin wouldn’t have responded playfully to that this time. His mood was really getting on her nerves. No one forced him to be here. She didn’t realize she was scowling until she felt Taehyung’s gentle touch on the back of her head. She glanced at him and he made an exaggerated angry face at her, a mockery of her own. She instantly smiled and chuckled at herself.

After a few minutes, Taehyung’s fingers started threading through her short locks. She glanced at him, since he wasn’t usually this tactile with her, though she’d seen him be all kinds of handsy with the other boys. His face was blank, completely absorbed in the story. He had no idea he was doing it. She smiled fondly and didn’t stop him. It felt nice, both the sensation and to be someone he was so relaxed with. Despite sleeping well last night, the combination of Recharging energy and the repetitive strokes on her scalp quickly had her drifting into a half-snooze.

“Taehyung. Get out.”

Soohee startled, her eyes flying open to stare at Jimin’s stormy face. Taehyung’s hand froze in her hair and he stared at his friend across her. Jimin clenched his jaw and jerked his head toward the door. Taehyung’s face fell a little. He slowly pulled his hand and legs away from Soohee and stood up from the couch. He cast one last confused look over his shoulder before he disappeared into the hall. Jimin sat forward to grab the remote and turn off the show.

Sooheee gaped at him. She knew he was feeling grumpy, but this was too far. She pressed her lips into a thin line to stop herself from saying something that wasn’t her place to say. Then she remembered Eunha’s words and her plan to take up more space today. He'd just put her in the middle of something really uncomfortable and ruined her tv-watching binge. It was her place to say it. Instead of blocking it out like she might have usually done, she allowed her indignation to take root. She turned toward him and met his scowl with her own.

“What the fuck, Jimin?”

Jimin glared at Taehyung’s retreating back. He shouldn’t be feeling so jealous -- he knew there was nothing between the two of them, at least not for Taehyung. But that fake pouting, the contrived confusion, the smirk he’d shot Jimin over Soohee’s head when he began playing with her hair… Jimin gritted his teeth and tried not to yell something after him, since Soohee was currently gaping at him and he probably looked like a giant asshole.

“What the fuck, Jimin?”

There it was. Jimin cringed internally. She was swearing, which meant he’d really screwed up. He probably should have handled this differently, but she was leaning into Taehyung’s touch like a cat and Jimin couldn’t help the flare of frustration at Taehyung, who somehow seemed to know exactly what he was doing. Pushing Jimin’s buttons was one of Kim Taehyung’s specialties. Jimin looked at her a little helplessly, unable to come up with an answer that didn’t scream I love you and I’m jealous, okay?! He didn't think that was his best course of action right now.

“I mean, seriously, how could you just treat him like that?” Soohee pulled away from him, twisting on the couch to stare at him more directly. “You’ve been in a crappy mood since I walked in here. What’s your problem today?”

“Nothing, I just--” Jimin kicked himself. This was the exact opposite of wooing her. He was objectively terrible at this.

“You didn’t have to say yes. You didn’t have to join us, but you did and then you grumped all over everything.” She motioned harshly at the screen. “If you don’t like the show, then just go. We can enjoy it without you. It’s actually really good, if you bothered to give it a chance.” She looked a little affronted. Great, Jimin, you’ve insulted her favorite show, too. You’re really killing it today.

“No, it’s not the show. I’m sorry. I don’t like when he…” He trailed off. There was no good end to that sentence.

“When he what? Explains things to you so you aren’t lost?”

“He was being patronizing,” Jimin grumbled. That wasn’t the issue, but maybe if he went with it, he could get out of what was quickly becoming an uncomfortable conversation. This is why he needed to learn to control his temper. He used to be better about it, but his feelings for her had him completely off-kilter these days.

“Well. Then kicking him out of the room was a perfectly reasonable and justified reaction,” she said sarcastically. “You know what? You’ve been weird with him for days. You keep sending him off to talk to Sejin, even when I know for a fact that Sejin doesn’t need him. What’s going on with the two of you?”

“N-nothing,” he stuttered, surprised by her vehemence and also that she’d picked up on that little trick. “We’re fine.”

“No, you’re not, or you wouldn’t be acting this way,” she pushed. “He’s your best friend. More than any of your brothers, he has your back and you usually have his, so what happened between the two of you? What’s got you all twisted around and making you behave like a jackass?” She glared at him, looking slightly horrified, though Jimin couldn’t tell if it was at his behavior or her own name-calling.

“You don’t understand. It’s not-- It’s just--”

“Of course I don’t understand! That’s why I’m asking.” Soohee threw her hands up in frustration. “And if you’d remove your head from your ass for ten seconds, you would see that I’m trying to help you.” She cocked her head mockingly. “But you don’t want my help, do you? God, when are you just going to let me in ?”

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” he shot back, temper flaring again. “Do you realize that I don’t even know your parents’ names? Like, I get that you have a shitty relationship with them and I’ve made my peace with possibly never meeting them, but come on. You've barely told me anything about them.”

“That is not what we’re talking about right now.” She glared at him with a stern face. “Don’t try to distract me from Taehyung.”

“Yeah, Taehyung. Always Taehyung.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I just don’t like it when he gets all... skinshippy with you.”

“What does that matter? You know how much he likes snuggling!”

“But you’re my soulmate!”

“God, Jimin, it’s not like I’m your girlfriend!”

“Yeah, well, I’m clearly not your bias, so--”

“You idiot, you are now.”

“See this is exactly what I-- wait, what?” Jimin blinked stupidly at her. She stared back at him.

“Are you kidding me?” Her face was a mask of dumbfounded derision. “Is that what this has been about? Is that what this whole dumbass thing has been about?”

She paused, shaking her head. Jimin couldn’t believe the turn this conversation had just taken. She glanced up at him and he realized his mouth was hanging open stupidly. She seemed to make a decision.

“Jimin, do you think that something as trivial as biases matter when you’re my soulmate ? How the hell do you not know that you’re my favorite?” She barked a short laugh. Jimin couldn't comprehend her words.

I’m her favorite? Since when--

“Not just in Bangtan. Not just in kpop. You are my very favorite person in the world and--”

Wait, what? She likes--

“--I try to stay away from you because I know you don’t want this--”

Don’t want what? You? I do want--

“But shit, I mean, you’ve got this goddamn charm about you and I can’t help it. Are you so unaware of your effect on people?”

But I have no effect on you --

“You’re fucking hot , Park Jimin. It’s so rude.”

Hot? She thinks I’m--

“And you’re kind and generous and sometimes it feels like you can read my mind and you make it impossible to think clearly and I just--”

And then he was kissing her.

He hadn’t even thought to move, but his face was now on her face. His lips were on her lips. And it was glorious.

She stiffened for a moment and he nearly pulled away, the impulsive decision only now hitting his brain as possibly inadvisable. But then she softened against him and made a small noise in the back of her throat and he was a goner.

He wasn’t sure if it was Charge or love or something else entirely, but there were so many sensations flowing through their kiss that his lips nearly tingled with them. He never wanted to stop. Her hands found their way to his back and pulled him closer and he was more than happy to go. One of his hands gripped her hip and the other tangled in the short hair at the back of her neck and it was probably the worst time in the world to be thinking about Taehyung but he had never in his life been more grateful for his best friend than right that second for making all of this happen. She moved her lips to briefly grip his lower one and suddenly, he wasn’t thinking about Taehyung anymore.

After what felt like an eternity, they broke apart, panting lightly and staring at one another in amazement. She smiled slowly and he grinned back, feeling like he was soaring. She tugged gently on his shirt to pull him back in. He paused with his lips mere centimeters from hers, their eyes locked. She bumped her nose against his and that was all it took.

But his mouth had barely met hers again when a shout went up from the hallway.

“You guys totally owe me fifty thousand won!” Taehyung’s voice was filled with delight. “Each!”

Jimin pulled back a little to share a look of confusion with Soohee while groans and complaints rent the air from outside the living room. She responded with an equally bewildered shake of her head and they both glanced at the door. His hands settled around her hips and hers were still on his back. As much as he wanted to know what the hell his members were getting up to, he didn’t want to let her go just to find out.

“You manipulated the results,” Jungkook argued from down the hall. “We said we wouldn’t interfere.”

“Hey, I’d gladly pay a hundred not to watch them dance around each other anymore.” Yoongi’s flat tone floated out from his room. “It’s just too bad Tae didn’t bet more.”

“Yeah, but hyung, now we have to watch them be all mushy,” Namjoon’s voice added. “I’m not sure that this is better…” Jimin could tell by his inflection the leader didn’t mean a word he said.

“We can hear you, you know,” Jimin called. Soohee stifled an embarrassed giggle, her cheeks flaming.

“Congratulations!” Hoseok called out gleefully, poking his head around the doorframe.

“Guys, let’s give them some space,” Seokjin called, delight and exasperation tinging his tone in equal measures. Jimin watched as only his hand came into view to pull Hoseok back. Everyone’s voices faded down the hall toward the bedrooms. Jimin turned back to Soohee, his own face flushed. It felt a little like being caught kissing by his parents, instead of friends his age.

“Sorry about them,” he said quietly. The interruption was enough to leave him awkwardly floundering. She’d seemed into the kiss, but now she wouldn’t meet his eye and he could feel her pulling away a little. “I, uh… So." He cleared his throat. "Kissing.”

“Yeah.” She bit her lip and looked at him, slightly unsure but hopeful. “Sorry I called you a jackass before.”

“Sorry I was being a jackass before,” Jimin said with a quick laugh. “I wasn’t trying to block you out, I just didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Scare me off?” Soohee frowned cutely and Jimin nearly kissed her again just to erase it.

“Yeah, I was afraid if I told you I love you and you didn’t feel the same way, that I’d make you really uncomfortable and ruin everything we’ve built so far.” Jimin shrugged, his heart in his throat from actually saying the words out loud. “But then you said all those things and I guess I just couldn't stop myself.” She looked up at him with a nearly blank face, only two tiny creases between her eyebrows.

His heart clenched, remembering what she’d said and what she hadn’t -- she hadn’t said a word about love. For a second, he thought he might panic, but it passed as he realized he didn’t actually care. He didn’t want to take it back. She clearly cared about him and enjoyed kissing him and that was more than enough for right now. But even if it wasn’t, he loved her and it had been stupid not to tell her before now. But she was still staring at him and he was starting to get concerned.

“It's okay that I kissed you, right?” he asked softly, his thumbs unconsciously stroking her waist. “I mean, you kissed me back and then--”

“You... love me?”

The look on her face nearly broke his heart, so hopeful and so scared and almost suspicious. He remembered all the people in her life who’d ignored her and let her down, and his chest was suddenly tight with emotion. He wanted to protect her from all that pain, even if it had already happened.

“Yeah… I-- I do.” He didn’t have enough words, or the right words, for this. He couldn’t believe they were here, but he was overjoyed. Simple. He needed to keep it simple. “I love you, Soohee. So much.”

“Oh,” she said softly, more of an exhale than a word. Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. He cupped the side of her face with one hand and her eyes fluttered closed for just a second. The warmth between them right then was unbelievable.

“I’ve never been in love before, but this is-- I can’t-- Yes. I definitely love you,” he said, then chuckled at his own eloquence. He bumped her forehead with his and a smile bloomed across her face -- the shy, delighted one he’d been wishing for a week ago. “God, you’re incredible, just so kind and selfless and beautiful and I can’t think about anything else when you're around and--”

“I love you, too.” The words seemed to burst out of her at the same time her tears did. She sniffed hard and looked away, slightly embarrassed. But nothing could stop her smile.

She looked up at him a little uncertainly. He gazed down at her, an eyebrow raised curiously. Whatever she was worried about, he would convince her it would be okay. He used his thumbs to wipe the tear tracks off her cheek. She made that face again -- the one from before, where it looked like she was deciding on something. And then she was reaching up, hooking a finger under his jaw, and pulling him in for another kiss. He smiled against her lips and wondered why they hadn’t been doing this since the day they met.

“Okay, you two, that’s enough alone time,” Yoongi said with a brisk clap.

They broke away from each other, another kiss interrupted by his members. Jimin cursed them and their terrible timing. He turned to glare at them but kept an arm looped casually around Soohee’s waist. He didn’t care who saw or what they thought, he didn’t want to stop touching her. The six of them were loitering in the doorway to the hall and kitchen, obviously having been there for a moment or two. He’d been worried he was going to scare Soohee off, but now he was afraid his brothers would, if the bright red blooming across her cheeks was any indication.

“Hyung--” Jimin started. Soohee reached up behind them and subtly rested a soothing hand on his back.

“Nope, we want ice cream,” Hoseok said. “You two can’t eat it, but since we’re celebrating you, you’re coming along.”

“Celebrating us?” Soohee snorted in amused disbelief.

“Yes,” Namjoon said. Jimin could have sworn he heard Yoongi mutter goddamn finally, but Namjoon was talking over them. “Congratulatory ice cream is totally a thing in Bangtan. Jimin, I think you invented it.”

“I did…” he responded cautiously. What they were suggesting was sweet, but why would he spend his time watching the rest of them eat when he could stay here and keep kissing Soohee. “But we--”

“You’ve got plenty of time for… all that,” Seokjin said gently, an eyebrow raised and one hand gesturing vaguely between them. “But we’re tired of being trapped in our rooms.”

“Oh, sorry about--” Soohee started.

“Yeah, plenty of time for all that,” Taehyung continued, his eyebrows not so much raised as they were waggling and his hand gesturing less vaguely. “At bedtime…”

Jimin felt his face heat as Soohee tensed. He wondered if they could burst into simultaneous flames. Seokjin smacked Taehyung on the back of the head, but Jimin didn’t miss the salacious wink he sent in their direction. He bit back a groan. His brothers were the worst.

“Oh, and you’re paying,” Jungkook called blithely, already sailing toward the door. The others chuckled and followed, but no one corrected him. Jimin looked at Soohee in question. She shrugged but couldn’t hold in a smile. Jimin decided he wouldn’t mind shelling out more than just ice cream money to celebrate this. This had to be one of the best days of his life. He hesitantly grabbed her and and threaded their fingers together. She gave him a light squeeze and let him lead them out the door.

Soohee punched in the code to her front door, glad the day was coming to a close. It had been wonderful, but kind of overwhelming. Jimin was still in the dorm, talking to Taehyung about something (possibly apologizing for his behavior earlier or scolding him about the gratuitous ice cream trip they both suspected was his doing). She knew he was probably also giving her time to get dressed for bed and have a moment to herself, and she was grateful. She still couldn’t believe any of this had really happened.

She closed her door and leaned against it for a moment. She brought her fingers up to her lips and stared at the wall opposite in wide-eyed wonder. She had kissed Park Jimin. Park Jimin was her soulmate and she was in love with him and by some miracle of fate (or possibly hallucinogenic fumes from the household cleaners she’d been using all day), Park Jimin loved her back and they were now the kind of people who kissed. Each other.

She was a little afraid to trust that any of it was real. It felt like a dream, like she could open this door and cross the hall and it would be late afternoon again and Taehyung would offer to let her borrow One Piece and she’d return over here so her day could turn out how it was actually supposed to. At the very least, she felt like she could blink and be back on the couch, glaring at Jimin but keeping her mouth shut. Somewhere between him kicking Taehyung out of the room and her opening her mouth, she'd apparently lost her mind. Had she really confessed to him by shouting ridiculous things about how hot and frustrating and wonderful he was? She still couldn't believe she'd done that. But she also couldn't regret any of it.

Because Jimin loved her back. Really loved her. That was insane and amazing. No one had ever said those words to her before, not even her parents. Especially my parents, she thought with a dark laugh.

She suddenly remembered that Yoongi had said it once, after she’d helped him prank the maknaes. And Taehyung, when she’d brought him snacks after an especially long dance practice. And Namjoon, when she’d found his pants after the bunny incident. Actually, all of the boys except Jimin had said it at some point or another, mostly jokingly and so casually she’d never recognized it for anything more than an over-the-top thank you.

Before Jimin (before any of them), the only person who had said it seriously and meant it had been Eunha. The first time was right after high school, after a long night at the noraebang with lots of soju and beer, when she’d mumbled the words repeatedly and emphatically throughout the whole subway ride home. But the next morning, Eunha had looked her straight in the bloodshot eye and repeated herself, making sure Soohee had understood.

Soohee gasped. Eunha didn’t know. All the other important people in her life knew now, since Namjoon had called Myungsoo to take them to the ice cream place. Myungsoo would have already told Mijung, who couldn’t keep a damn secret, so Narae knew by now. And she’d have told Sejin, because that was what Narae did. And Sejin would dutifully brief the likes of Song Hobeom and Bang Sihyuk for PR reasons. So everyone but Eunha knew about her fledgling love life.

Soohee checked the time. It was actually pretty early for bedtime (though she was exhausted), so Eunha was still on shift at the store. She wasn’t allowed to have her phone on the sales floor anymore, so Soohee would have to wait until morning to tell her. She was going to flip. And then ask for embarrassing details. Probably about the kiss, mostly.

Suddenly, she realized she’d been leaning against the door for a solid ten minutes daydreaming about Jimin’s lips and the way they sparked against hers and how they’d said those lovely, impossible words.

I love you, Soohee.

She couldn’t wrap her mind around it. It was revolutionary. And ridiculous. And yet somehow real, if the doorknob digging into her spine was any indication that this wasn’t a dream. She pushed herself off the door and toward her bedroom. She’d better get ready for bed while she still had the apartment to herself. Jimin would be over any minute.

Her heart sped up at the thought of seeing him, which was stupid and sappy and completely thrilling. She giggled when she thought about him walking through the door and finally having some time alone with him again. Maybe picking up where they left off before his brothers so purposefully interrupted them. Bedtime was the only time they were guaranteed to be alone.

She froze halfway through changing her clothes, remembering Taehyung’s (absolutely not subtle) innuendo. She blushed. She and Jimin would be sharing a bed. Like they did every night, sure, but this time it would be so different. They’d just kissed, just confessed. Nothing more was going to happen tonight... right? He wouldn’t expect anything more than that, surely... Whatever tonight held, it would still be more than she could likely prepare for. She tried anyway, and had worked herself into a small, low-level panic by the time she heard the front door lock chime. She scrambled to pull her tank top over her head and toss her dirty clothes in the hamper.

“Soohee, are you still awake?” Jimin called softly, padding down the hall. Just his voice was enough to knock away at least half the worries she’d built up.

“Yeah, I’m here,” Soohee called. “I was just about to wash my face.” She stepped out into the hall and met his goofy, giddy grin with a matching one of her own. He was already ready for bed and he looked so soft. She wanted to run her fingers through his fluffy, orange hair.

“Hi.” He stopped, seeming to realize they’d been away from one another less than a half an hour. He rolled his eyes at himself, but she thought it was endearing.

“Hi,” she replied.

She wanted to step closer, to touch him and hold him in all the ways she hadn’t allowed herself for the past several months. But, as much as she’d been working through the idea that people didn’t want her to touch them, this was too new for her to initiate much yet -- she felt like she was one wrong step away from breaking the spell.

Jimin didn’t seem to have the same qualms. He reached out for her and she went quickly. Despite how often they touched for Charge, they rarely hugged. She liked it. She liked that she could perfectly tuck her chin over his shoulder and that she could run her hands gently across the planes of his back. She liked the way his hands rested on the small of her back. She liked him.

“Sorry about the guys,” he said into her hair. “They were a bit much tonight.”

“They were excited,” she allowed.

“They were obnoxious.” He pulled back to smile at her. He opened his mouth to say something else, but he seemed to get distracted. She wondered if she had something on her face, until a small smile spread across his lips. “You’re really pretty,” he said shyly. She blinked at him. “I’ve never been able to tell you that, but I’ve thought it since the night we met. You’re really pretty.”

She ducked her head. This had to be a dream. Because she was a lot of things, but pretty was not a word that anyone had applied to her before. But she liked that he thought so. And that he said so. She murmured her thanks without looking at him and he chuckled.

“I really like it when you blush, too,” he said, a finger stroking gently down her cheek (and nearly making her shiver). She rolled her eyes at him. He laughed again but took mercy on her and stopped staring so intensely.

“This is crazy,” she breathed, shaking her head. “I can't believe this is real. I mean, I never thought that you would want someone like me--” She cut herself off at his frown.

“Like you?” he asked, confused and a touch concerned. She shrugged.

“I’m ordinary,” she said simply. “You are… not.” He snorted.

“I’ve never thought of you as ordinary.” His voice was filled with a soft awe and made her chest a little tighter. “You’re a force to be reckoned with. You know what you want out of life and I thought you didn’t want me. Or any of this.” He jerked his chin to motion between their bodies, where there was very little space.

“What? No, it wasn’t--” she started.

“You didn’t want a soulmate.” His voice was matter-of-fact, but a touch sad, like he was worried it was still true. She kicked herself for ever letting that phrase slip from her mouth.

“I didn’t,” she said carefully. “But that was because of my parents and what I thought Bonding was and I spent a lot of time not wanting a soulmate and not wanting to be like them and not wanting to lose myself like that. But even in the middle of all of that, I never not wanted you .”

“Um... what?” Jimin quirked a brow at her.

“No one, in the history of ever has ever not wanted … never not want--” She stopped, hearing the phrase she was trying to use and laughed at herself. “I’m sorry, it’s been a big day and I think I might be out of… the words.” She waved a hand vaguely, and he laughed and squeezed her waist, sending a little thrill through her. “But Jimin have you seen a mirror? I mean, have you met you? Not wanting you was never the probl-- Do I need to rant at you again?” She eyed him fiercely, biting back a giggle and thinking of all the embarrassing things she'd said earlier that day.

“No, I’ve got it, thanks.” He grinned at her. Then he arched an eyebrow. “I mean, you can rant if you want, if it’s going to end the same as the last one.” His eyes landed on her lips and stayed there.

“Well,” she said softly. “I’m not opposed to that.” She gave him a cheeky smile. He leaned forward and landed a quick peck on the end of her nose. She wrinkled it at him and thought she might explode from joy (and was glad they didn’t have an audience this time, since they must have looked ridiculously sappy to anyone outside of their happy bubble).

“I’m very glad you feel that way,” he said in a low, sexy voice. She suddenly felt like scolding him, hearing this voice in her memories of the last weeks. Had he been flirting with her this whole time? How the hell had she missed that? His next words broke through her thoughts before she could form a full sentence. “But if you’re having that much trouble with the words, then maybe we should get some sleep.”

She nodded and reluctantly pulled away from him to go wash her face. When she returned to her room, he was plugging in his phone and he wasn’t wearing his shirt. She nearly choked on her own spit. She immediately worked on making her face go blank, like she always did when he was like this, before she remembered she didn’t necessarily have to anymore. He looked up in time to catch her transition expression, which she was sure was halfway between unaffected and blown away, and probably looked more constipated than anything. She bit her lip and tried to look less stupid.

“Oh, um…” He looked down at himself and back up sheepishly. “Should I put my shirt back on? I guess I don’t have to convince you anymore, but it really is just more comfortable for--”

“Convince me?” she squeaked. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? “Have you been--” She motioned at him and then herself, as if that would complete her sentence. He must have understood, because he laughed lightly. “Was that what that was?!”

“Maybe a little?” He lifted a naked shoulder carelessly. He didn’t seem to realize his body was a dangerous instrument, if he could use it so casually like that.

“You do not play fair, Park Jimin.” She wagged a finger at him, but he just scoffed.

“It’s not like it scored me any points. You didn’t ever look twice.” He bit his lip and looked down a little forlornly, but it was her turn to scoff.

“I couldn’t look twice, you cheater,” she said. He looked up and she fanned herself exaggeratedly. “I was trying so hard not to make things awkward with, you know, my drooling. I had no idea you were doing it on purpose, I thought you were just… being Park Jimin.”

“What… What does that mean?” he asked around a disbelieving laugh as he crossed the room toward her. “Is there some intrinsic way of being me that requires shirtlessness?”

“Yes!” She pointed at his bare chest. He smirked at her and she had the sudden urge to back away slowly. He was too beautiful and too focused on her and she couldn’t handle it after the rollercoaster of this day. She cleared her throat. “I thought we were going to bed.”

“Right.” Immediately, his cute side was back in full force. Actually, he kind of looked a little lost. “Where did we land on the shirt issue? Back on?”

“It can…” She swallowed hard and felt the millionth blush of the day creep up her face. She was going to be permanently rosy if this kept up. “You can stay like that. If it’s… more comfortable...” 

But instead of making him more comfortable, he seemed to get more nervous. He glanced from her to the bed and back again, then nodded curtly.

“Yeah, it’s, uh, better for Recharging… More skin means faster Charge.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“Well, are you that hungry?” she asked carefully, curious about where his brain had drifted to. He shuffled over to the bed and pulled back the covers, but he didn’t meet her eye. “I mean, we’ve been snacking all day…” She hated that she didn’t have better a better vocabulary for all of this.

“A little? I don’t know. Tomorrow’s going to be slow, but our… main course is usually at bedtime…” He followed her metaphor in a way that made her want to laugh, except that he looked so uncertain. “But things are different now and I don’t know if…” She remembered what she’d been so concerned about before he’d come into the apartment. He was feeling the same pressure she had. It only made her affection for him grow.

“The... menu can stay the same, Jimin.” She smiled at him reassuringly and he relaxed immediately. “The chef is…” God, this metaphor sucked. She covered her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “We don’t have to try anything new tonight...”

“Oh, thank God.” Jimin sighing deeply in relief, then grimaced. “I mean, it's not that I don’t want to-- I’d like to try… other… dishes… at some point?”

“Oh! Me too…” She couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of her chest. He smiled gratefully. “Someday, I’d like that. Maybe even... soon? But--”

“I'm just not ready. Yet." He looked a little worried, but she nodded emphatically. He let out a breath. "Today's been a big day. We’ve had a lot of… appetizers.” This time, Jimin’s smirk and giggle let her know he thought this was just as ridiculous as she did. God, they were so awkward together. She shook her head and decided to steer into the skid.

“Jimin, would you like to sleep with me? As in, actual sleep?” Soohee shot him a silly wink, and he plopped on his side of the bed happily.

“Yes, please.”

She turned off the overhead light as he turned on the bedside lamp, some of their familiarity with the situation returning. She climbed onto her side of the bed and sat cross-legged facing him. He kicked off his slippers and turned toward her, slowly reaching out to brush her hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. The tender gesture reminded her of how he’d cradled her face right after he’d told her he loved her. She wanted him to say it again. She wanted to say it herself but suddenly felt too shy. Instead, she lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Before we go to sleep,” she said softly, leaning forward a little. “Can we try a few more of those... appetizers?”

Jimin flashed her exactly the type of grin she expected from a 19-year-old boy being asked if he wanted to make out.

“Yes, please,” he repeated. He leaned in, tilting his head a little. She tilted her head at the same time and their noses knocked together. They readjusted and his lips nearly missed hers, landing mostly on the corner of her mouth. He pulled away just as Soohee over-balanced and had to catch herself on his shoulder before she pitched face first into him. He laughed gently. “I think we both need to relax a little.”

“Yes, right. Okay.” Soohee nodded.

This time, he reached out and put his hands on either side of her face and pulled her slowly towards him. Her hands were still on his shoulders, so she shifted one to the side of his neck. His lips met hers and it was even more amazing than she remembered from the first time. Carefully, he began moving his lips against hers, his thumb stroking along her cheekbone. She sighed contentedly and lost herself in the kiss for a long moment. Finally, he pulled back with a self-satisfied smile.

“You’re very good at this,” she said breathlessly, leaning in for another peck or two. Or five.

“Thanks?” He giggled with a shrug. “I’m not ashamed to admit I have zero experience, but I have a feeling you already know that.”

“I would not presume to know what you idols get up to in your spare time,” she said airily. He made a small affronted noise, but she continued, “I mean, here you are, in a girl’s apartment, in her bed, without your shirt on.” He snickered.

“Soulmates get an exemption.” He paused thoughtfully. “I wonder if soulmate kissing is different from regular kissing? I have nothing to compare it to, but I can feel the charge on your lips and that’s--”

“This is nothing like regular kissing,” she cut him off. She’d been too wrapped up in the emotions during their first kiss to give it a lot of thought, but this was so different than anything she’d experienced before.

“Wait, how would--”

“Come here. Let me try something.”

She leaned back in, taking control this time. The instant their lips touched, the Recharging warmth and energy ignited their lips. Jimin allowed her leeway and she opened her mouth. He inhaled sharply through his nose when their tongues met, but he didn’t pull away. It would have been a crazy thing to do, anyway, since the energy became so much more intense and captivating. It was headier than anything they’d ever felt before, as potent as full-body snuggling but concentrated just on their mouths. Jimin leaned in and slid one of his arms around her back to pull her even closer.

“Yeah, nothing like regular kissing,” she confirmed, breaking away to catch her breath. He exhaled shakily and leaned his forehead against hers. So maybe they’d moved a little down the menu...

“But how do you know--” he started, then paused to inhale deeply. One side of his mouth lifted, and she nearly lost her breath again. His lips had to be one of the wonders of the world. She resisted putting her own back on them and focused on his words. “Ah, so you’ve kissed someone before, then...”

He leaned back and tucked his lip in between his teeth. Soohee peered at him. The hand on her face dropped to his lap and it looked like it was forming into a fist.

“Oh my God, Jimin, are you jealous?” She couldn’t keep the glee out of her voice. This is almost exactly how he’d looked right before their “fight” earlier that day. “You are!”

“No!”

“No? This isn’t like the Taehyung thing?”

“Oh my god, no, I was stupid, okay? I should have trusted Taehyung.” He shook his head and rubbed his hand down his face. When it dropped back into his lap, it was like he’d wiped away his old expression and left behind something a lot more vulnerable. She liked this one better. “It’s not jealousy, I don’t think. It’s just... we could never really talk about this stuff, before. There’s a lot I don’t know about you because it wasn’t right for me to ask, so…”

“Oh. Yeah.” She couldn’t help but reach out and thread her fingers through his. He smiled at the gesture. She scrunched her face in something like a shrug. “There’s nothing to tell, really. I went on a few dates in high school. I held hands with a classmate once, but it didn’t go anywhere... And then there was Insik. I think Eunha told you guys about him?”

“The tool?” Jimin asked, his face conspicuously neutral.

“That would be him.”

“You kissed the tool?” Jimin made a face.

“Only once,” she said defensively. “It was… mediocre at best.” Jimin’s face lit up at that and she rolled her eyes. “I didn’t really like him, but I wanted to try out being, you know, normal, so I just…”

“What do you mean, being normal?” He frowned and squeezed her hand gently.

“Well, you know… with the stuff with my parents?” She sighed and fiddled with the hem of the pillowcase. She’d had her tongue in Jimin’s mouth seconds ago, but it still felt a little too intimate to talk with him about how badly her parents had fucked her up. She’d need to work up to that. “They didn’t like when I touched them, so I guess I just thought... no one wanted me touching them. I was used to it and it was fine, but then everyone around me was making out with people for fun and I wanted to see if it was all it was cracked up to be.” Jimin raised an eyebrow. “It wasn’t,” she said flatly.

“Oh, you don’t like kissing?” He gave her a his best Innocent Eyes expression. “Because I thought you were enj--”

“No, pabo, I just didn’t like kissing Insik.” She bumped his knee with hers, grateful he didn’t push on the parent thing right now.

“Because he was a tool?” he asked, clearly pleased.

“Because he was a tool,” she confirmed.

Jimin woke slowly. He was warm and comfortable, but something was tickling his nose. He shifted and realized his face was buried in Soohee’s hair. It only took a fraction of a second for him to remember how good yesterday had been. He grinned against her neck. They were face-to-face and tangled in the best way, and he wasn’t sure it was humanly possible to be any happier than he was right then.

He watched her serene face for a moment, savoring the moment of knowing he was allowed. She looked so peaceful. It had been a while since he’d seen her so relaxed. It made him smile all over again when he thought he might have played a part in her sweet dreams. His watching only lasted a few more seconds before a feeling similar to Christmas morning overcame him and he wanted to wake her up like she was a present to be unwrapped. Well… maybe unwrapping would come a bit later. They’d have to talk about that, eventually.

For now, he just wanted to kiss her again. He leaned forward, about to brush his lips across her forehead, but a sudden awkwardness overcame him. Just because they’d kissed once didn’t mean he had the liberty to kiss her whenever he wanted, especially when she was unconscious. This kind of thing should really come with a handbook or something, because he was once again unsure about their boundaries.

He rolled to his back, leaving one arm under her head as a pillow, and thought about all the things they had on their schedule today before their flight and how each of them would inevitably mean he’d have to leave this bed and stop touching Soohee. That seemed like a terrible plan.

She groaned weakly, her brow wrinkling and a pout puckering her lips. He must have accidentally woken her up. She blinked at him owlishly and he couldn’t help himself this time. He rolled back onto his side and pressed his lips to her forehead to smooth the scrunch there. It only made her scrunch harder as she looked at him in confusion. He figured he was already in it, so he pressed a quick peck to her lips for good measure.

“Oh.” She blinked rapidly at him, her eyes focusing more by the second. “Are we... doing this now?”

“Are we not?” he asked sheepishly. “We’re together now so I just assumed-- We are together now, aren’t we?” Her frown was only growing and making him more nervous.

“Oh, yeah, that’s a thing that happened,” she murmured as her eyes widened. “That wasn’t a dream?”

“No, not a dream,” he said, relief flooding him. She blinked again, smiling softly, and he remembered just how difficult it was for her to wake up sometimes. Maybe he’d save the good morning kisses for after they were a little more settled into this thing. “I mean, if you’re not ready, I completely understand. Or if you need time… I’ve been waiting weeks to kiss you good morning, but this is all a little new for you, so if--” She snorted loudly and dissolved into a fit of giggles. “What?”

“Oh, Jimin, you sweet idiot, no.” She shook her head and kept giggling. Jimin sat up and peered down at her. What in the world could he have said that was so funny? “You haven’t been waiting longer than me… I’m sorry, but you are not the host of this Pining Party. I was here first.”

“You were?”

His brain raced. He knew, logically, that she must have been feeling something for him before the kiss yesterday, to have responded so favorably. But he hadn’t actually given it much thought, because, you know, there was kissing happening. She was trying so hard to stop laughing, but tiny squeaks were still sneaking out of her and he felt like he was being challenged. He raised a cocky eyebrow.

“I’ve known since Mexico City,” he declared. Her face softened as she smiled fondly at him, then something like realization crossed her features. His triumph was a little lost in remembering how scary and intense that day had been. She nudged his leg and gave him a shy smile.

“Dope.”

“What?” He shook himself loose from the airport in his mind and blinked at her. “I’m telling you I’ve loved you for weeks and you’re just like, cool ?” Soohee burst into laughter again and covered her face. He did not understand women. Finally, she calmed herself and sat up, too, facing him.

“No,” she said patiently, schooling her expression with effort. She put her hands on either side of his face to make him focus on her. “I’m saying the day I finally admitted to myself that this was not a crush and that I was truly, stupidly in love with you was the day you guys filmed Dope.”

Jimin felt the blood drain from his face.

Her voice got quieter as she continued, “You were forcing yourself to eat for the cameras and making yourself sick and you told me it was for us and I just…” Soohee lifted a shoulder, her eyes suspiciously moist. “No one had ever cared about me enough to--”

And then he was kissing her.

He wanted to apologize to her, for being so slow and for leaving her wondering all this time and for all the people who should have loved her enough to be a even little inconvenienced for her. And he wanted to tell her how amazing she was, how strong and stubborn and Soohee she was. And he wished he could tell her he was thankful her, for the way she’d loved him so quietly and persistently even when he clearly hadn’t deserved it -- because he knew there were a million little ways she’d made his life easier over the last few months and he’d been an idiot to miss them all. But it was all too much and he didn’t have enough words, so he used his mouth to say all the things his brain couldn’t.

Finally, she sighed happily and he pulled back. Her hand lingered on his cheek for a moment while she seemed to drink in the sight of his face. He studied her face, her skin, her eyes. He couldn’t get enough of her.

“You know, I’m not complaining,” she teased softly, “but some people might say interrupting is rude.” He smirked at her unrepentantly. “You can’t just go around--” He kissed her again, just a peck this time, and she laughed against his lips. “Yeah, okay, you can do that whenever you want.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and they lost several minutes interrupting each other.

“Hey,” he said softly, after they’d gotten their fill for the moment (if that was even possible). “I’m really sorry I was so clueless. I swear I didn’t know. I don't know how I didn't, but I--”

“I worked really hard so you wouldn’t.” She raised her eyes to the ceiling, exasperated with herself. “I really thought you weren’t interested. After I crash landed in your life, drenched and starving, I couldn’t really blame you. I felt like I’d made a huge mess of things.”

“That wasn’t your fault and I’ve never held it against you,” Jimin said quickly. “I thought we'd agreed on that. I mean, you've got to stop blaming yourself for this Bond and your biology. No one knew you’d go off food so quickly--” He paused, thinking through everything they’d been through. He frowned indignantly. “You went off food first." She looked at him curiously. "You knew you loved me first. You even confessed first. When do I get to go first?!”

He pouted dramatically. She pouted back in mockery and squished his cheeks. He scowled, but her giggles were back and he’d gladly suffer any kind of indignity to hear her so happy. He’d never seen her this relaxed before, but the contrast between this and the last several weeks was so stark that he knew she’d been suffering.

“Jimin, we have a lot of firsts left,” she said softly. She swatted at him when he grinned lasciviously, but in the end, she winked at him anyway. “Besides, it’s not your fault I’m older, smarter, and just generally better at this than you.”

She shrieked when he tackled her and squirmed away giggling when his hands found her ribcage. She was ticklish -- that was really good information to have. Tickling was frequently the only way he won in a fight with Jungkook, and she was at least as stubborn as the maknae. He’d have to keep that in mind the next time she wanted to work overtime. He flopped down next to her and sighed contentedly when she curled into his side.

“We should get up,” she commented into his chest. “You have to go watch a movie with ARMYs in a few hours and I know you’re going to want to get in some practice before that.”

“I don’t wanna,” he whined. She poked his ribs and it was his turn to squirm away from her.  She pushed herself up and smirked at him. Well, that advantage lasted a lot shorter than he’d planned. “Okay, fine. I’m up.” He pushed himself vertical and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I wish you could come to the movie with us. I hear it’s going to be really good and Namjoon is so excited about his song and I really don’t want to be away from you.” He glanced over his shoulder at her and she scooted across the mattress to press her chest to his back and wrap her arms around him.

“I know, but that’s way too risky.” She nosed along his neck and any resolution he’d managed to build to get out of bed crumbled. “Maybe we can sneak off somewhere in Osaka and see it again together. You probably won’t get recognized in Japan…”

“Hey!” he said playfully. “I’ll have you know we are huge in Japan.” She snorted and pushed on his back to make him stand up. He allowed her, already thinking about one "first" he could win (as if this was a competition, and let’s face it, it was). He was going to plan the very best first date.

She sighed deeply, and he looked back at her to catch her gaze on his body. He cleared his throat gently, smirking at her. She blushed furiously and flailed one hand at him while covering her face with the other.

“Could you please put that away?” she asked from behind her hand. “It’s terribly distracting.”

“Put what away?” He knew exactly what she meant, but damn that blush was cute.

“All of that.” She flailed her hand again, indicating his bare chest. “Seriously not playing fair.”

He snickered his whole way to the bathroom. The Shirtless Game had been effective after all. But holy shit, she had a great poker face. He was going to have to learn her tells very quickly. He flexed in the mirror, feeling both ridiculous and proud. He paused and prodded his stomach, tensing and trying to find the definition he needed to see. He sighed.

He had one more concert on this tour and a few more appearances before he could take it easy. But if just kissing her was that much more potent, he was going to have a hard time keeping up with the workouts this next level would require. He took a deep breath and shrugged. Kissing her was worth it.

Chapter Text

Soohee sat in the middle of her bed in a swoony daze, long after the front door chimed Jimin’s departure from the apartment. The spark of his goodbye kiss still lingered on her lips. She giggled breathlessly and tipped over to bury her face in her pillows. She still couldn’t believe this wasn’t a dream. She rolled over and looked at the ceiling, marveling at how much had changed in one day. Yesterday morning, she’d woken up grumpy, loath to face a day off with nothing to distract her from wishing for all the things she’d thought she could never have. And now, everything had changed.

Her new phone pinged from somewhere in the depths of the covers and the sound reminded her that she hadn’t called Eunha yet. She unearthed it with a victorious exclamation and laughed at herself. The alert had been a message from Jimin’s mother asking if they were going back to Japan today or tomorrow. Soohee froze, excitement building as she realized that being with Jimin meant being a part of more than just the BigHit family. And also that Eunha wasn’t the only person who was going to flip over the news. Soohee looked down at the phone with pursed lips. Yeah, this one was going to be Jimin’s job.

She typed out a simple answer, then opened Eunha’s contact. She bit her lip, trying to steady herself as she pressed the call button. As much as she felt like the news was going to burst right out of her, she needed to be a least a little calm to balance out the squealing her friend was surely about to do. The line only rang once.

“Oh, my god, finally! I’ve been waiting for you to call for hours,” Eunha burst out, skipping a greeting entirely.

“What?” Soohee pulled the phone away from her face to confirm the time, which was approximately half past Eunha Is Never Awake O’Clock. “How are you even--”

“Do you have something to tell me?” Eunha broke in.

“I do have something to tell you, but how do you--” Soohee’s mouth dropped open, in both surprise and indignance. “Do you already know?”

“Yes, I do!” Eunha shot back tartly. “And I cannot believe that I had to find out about you and Jimin and The Kissing from Kim Goddamn Taehyung.”

“What?! How did you-- No. When did you-- Wait, why would he--”

“The real question is,” Eunha interrupted, “why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend! This is not something I should get secondhand!”

“I’ve been a little busy,” Soohee exclaimed. “I mean, did you expect me to stop in the middle of the kiss to call you?”

“No, I just figured after--”

“What after? It happened like thirteen hours ago and I’ve spent most of those sleeping or, you know, kissing Jimin!”

“Thirteen-- Oh my God, that little shit.” Eunha blew out a harsh breath. When she spoke again, her volume had decreased considerably. “I’m sorry. When he texted me, he made it sound like I should have already known.” Her tone didn’t calm so much as the direction of her anger shifted. “I thought it happened a while ago! That jerkface totally spoiled your great news. Oh God, I’m sorry. I can’t believe he stole this moment from the both of us.”

“Why would you think I’d keep this from you? Why are you even texting with Taehyung? Why did Taehyung text you about this?” Soohee was still reeling and couldn’t figure out which of the many unexpected details of this ridiculous conversation was the one she should focus on. “What did he say?”

“Well, so…” Eunha paused for a moment. Soohee detected a strange guilt in her tone.

“Unnie?”

“We... kind of had a bet going?” she said carefully. Soohee could almost see her wheedling grin through the phone and rolled her eyes.

“Kim Goddamn Taehyung.” Soohee blew out a breath, ruffling her messy bangs. “I feel like he owes me a commission,” she muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Soohee said, waving a hand like Eunha could see it. “That boy is too clever for his own good. I swear I’d murder him, if I wasn’t so grateful for the way he managed to orchestrate this whole thing.”

“Yeah. Him. Clever. All by himself. Sure.” Eunha snorted. Soohee narrowed her eyes, but her friend was already moving on. “So, tell me all about it. Who kissed who? Was there a confession first or like a gravitational, magnetic leaning thing--”

Soohee knew what her friend was doing, but the gooeyness she felt at the mere memory of Jimin’s kisses was enough to abate her annoyance for the moment. She’d have to deal with the Taehyung Issue when she wasn’t feeling so content. She flopped back on the bed and wriggled into the kind of pillow nest Jimin was sure to complain about. She smiled fondly.

“Okay, so, how much did Tae tell you?” she asked, feeling warm and happy.

“He just told me he’d won the bet and didn’t understand why I was surprised by the news.” Eunha clicked her tongue in frustration. “So. Details .”

After the unexpected detour, Soohee finally got the squealing she’d been looking for as she began describing the run up to the argument and the sudden confessing and kissing. Eunha couldn’t stop laughing about Taehyung’s behavior during One Piece . But as soon as Soohee got to the shouting, Eunha stopped her.

“Wait. So you confessed first?”

“Kind of? I don’t even remember what all I said.” Soohee paused thoughtfully. “I told him he was my favorite person in the world and that he was hot and--”

“Who said I love you first?” Eunha asked firmly.

“Jimin. Which you’d have found out if you had let me finish--”

“Dammit.”

“What, why?” Soohee felt her earlier indignance rising again.

“Sorry. It’s great that he loves you, really, I’m over the moon! And I want to hear it all, in order. It’s just that the bet depended on which one of you broke first and we both know Tae’s a cheater.” Eunha sighed dramatically. “But I think I lost on a technicality.”

“Wait, you were betting on me confessing first?” Soohee chuckled. “Unnie, I appreciate your loyalty, but even I wouldn’t have taken that bet. You kind of deserve to lose your money.”

Eunha snorted good-naturedly and allowed her to continue telling the story. Finally, after a million interruptions to ask questions (Eunha), flail (Soohee), get lost in daydreams about Jimin’s lips (also Soohee), and to scream (both of them), Soohee finally made it through the narrative all the way up to Jimin leaving the apartment this morning -- though Soohee maybe left out the parts about just how goddamn attractive she found her soulmate in a simple white t-shirt and booty-glorifying jeans or how interested she was in the rest of the menu .

“Okay, so… One last question.” Eunha’s tone and hesitation, combined with the direction of Soohee’s most recent thoughts, had Soohee blushing.

“Unnie, some things are private…”

“No, not about that,” Eunha said quickly. Then she laughed. “Although we’ll come back to that, because now you’ve got me curious and no, they really aren’t private, not from me.” Soohee sighed in exasperation but didn’t correct her. “No, my question has to do with Hoseok, actually.”

“Hoseok?” Soohee blinked, surprised by the turn. She smiled devilishly as she realized Eunha’s tentative tone hadn’t been about her at all. “Jung Hoseok? J-Hope? Hobi? That Hoseok?”

“Yeah,” Eunha said, seemingly oblivious to Soohee’s needling. “Is something going on with him? Is he about to go solo or something?:

“What? No! Why?” Soohee bit back a chuckle at how strange her friend was being.

“I don’t know. It’s just… Taehyung can not shut up about him lately.” Eunha sounded almost forlorn. “Seriously, we only really text about you and Jimin, but as soon as he gives me the news on his matchmaking efforts with you two, he immediately starts telling me about Hoseok. Like, talking him up and praising his genius and-- It’s weird, right?”

“Oh, um,” Soohee swallowed hard to keep a giggle at bay. “No, I have no idea what that’s about…” She pressed her lips together hard, but a smile still snuck through. “Completely weird. Yep. I’ll have to talk to him about that.” She would most definitely talk to Kim Taehyung about that. He might make an excellent ally.

“Hey, um, noona?” Jimin whispered, making Narae jump and grab her chest. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you…”

“Park Jimin, how you manage to sneak up on me in a crowded room…” Narae shook her head, glancing around the busy greenroom. “Shouldn’t you be out on stage?”

“We’re on a break. They’re dealing with a tech issue. Or something. I wasn’t really listening.” He shrugged, and she rolled her eyes indulgently. “Anyway, is everything ready for tonight?”

The schedule had been an extra level of insanity over the last week. They’d left the theater after watching Fantastic Four with a group of ARMYs and had hopped straight on the plane to Japan. They hadn’t stopped moving since. So even though he and Soohee had used the time in their hotel room at night to talk and Recharge (and make out… there’d been a lot of making out), he still hadn’t gotten to take her on an official date. He was grateful they had the rest of the day off, after this dress rehearsal. It was the perfect opportunity for their first date.

Unfortunately, the PR plan didn’t allow them to go anywhere public. And since they didn’t eat anymore, he couldn’t even plan some kind of romantic night in with room service. He’d spent a lot of time the last few days thinking about how to woo her while she knew he was doing it, and he’d finally come up with something he hoped like hell Soohee would find charming and not… lame. He hadn’t been able to make all the plans himself, but management had been surprisingly willing to help him out.

“Yes, I’ve already called the hotel,” Narae responded in an undertone. “Everything’s ready for seven tonight.”

“What’s ready for seven tonight?” Soohee asked, poking her head around a rack of costumes. Narae jumped again, but Jimin froze. “Isn’t the schedule over as soon as we’re done here?” Soohee looked between the two of them in confusion. Narae gave Jimin an apologetic grimace with her back to Soohee, then moved away quickly while patting him on the shoulder. Traitor.

“I, um…” Jimin scuffed his shoe on the floor and sighed. There was no use in lying to her, but he didn’t have to share all the details. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but I made some plans for us tonight. For a date. Our first date.”

“Oh!” She smiled and gripped the rack in front of her tightly in excitement. He could tell she wanted to be reaching out for him, but three people from the venue had just walked into the room to speak with Sejin. Being together had actually made everything backstage more complicated, since they wanted to touch one another all the time now. Soohee dropped her voice lower. “I thought we’d wait until we were back in Korea for that.”

“Well, today’s kind of a big day for us.” Jimin suddenly felt embarrassed. Falling in love with her had turned him into a giant sap. He should have seen it coming, really. He was kind of a hopeless romantic at heart.

“An important day?” She cocked her head thoughtfully. He gave her a moment, but when her only answer was a bewildered expression, he tried not to be even a little disappointed.

“It’s our One Hundred Days…” he mumbled. Instead of looking touched, she scrunched her eyebrows further and frowned.

“No, it’s not. That’s not until Thursday,” she said. He blinked at her. She stared back in confusion. “I kind of already planned us something, for the night we get back home.”

“What?” He scoffed lightly. She was very sweet, but she was also very wrong. “Thursday’s not a hundred days from… anything. What are you counting from?” He arched a brow.

“The day we met,” Soohee answered, gesturing emphatically with one hand as if this fact should be obvious. “What are you counting from?”

“I’m counting from the day we met!” He shook his head and chuckled in disbelief. “First Touch was on May ninth, your birthday, right? That was a hundred days ago.”

“Oh.” She pressed her lips together and gave him a fond look, as if he was a child who’d tried hard but still failed. “That’s adorable, but no.” She smiled to soften her authoritative tone. “We don’t start counting until the day we actually met, which was the twelfth. You know, outside on the sidewalk, where I was dying and you saved me?” Jimin grimaced at the memory, but she just grinned like she’d won. “That’s when the hundred days starts.”

“I love you both very much, but it’s been six days,” Taehyung called, lifting his head off the couch nearby. Jimin and Soohee turned, startled. Jimin was pretty sure they’d both thought he was asleep.

“Shut up, Tae,” Jimin said mildly, turning back to Soohee.

“You think I’m not counting?” Taehyung snorted. “Jungkook still owes me fifty thousand won and I’m charging daily compound interest. I’m making more money off him than I am with royalties from Hold Me Tight.”

“Shut up, Tae,” Soohee said mildly, not taking her eyes off Jimin. Jimin smiled back at her appreciatively.

“Besides. Your counting is all wrong,” Taehyung continued undeterred, his eyes sliding closed again. He seemed to think the concept was so simple, it didn’t require his full attention. “Even if we’re counting from the day you met and not the day you confessed and started actually dating like a normal couple, you don’t count today in the hundred days.”

“Really?” Jimin asked, quirking an eyebrow at Soohee. She shrugged and chuckled, waving a careless hand toward the Love Expert that was Kim Taehyung. Who apparently didn’t need to look at them while he was talking.

“So even if May ninth wasn’t wronger than wrong-- and Soohee, he’s less wrong than you on two counts, unfortunately. One, First Touch is what started this all, so it’s a better day to use than your near-death, as romantic as that was.” Taehyung shuddered. Jimin not-so-secretly agreed. “And two, technically, he didn’t find you until past three in the morning on the thirteenth, so Thursday is definitely out. Anyway, Jimin, even if you were right about the start date, you did the math wrong and the hundred days from First Touch was yesterday.”

“I’m not sure that’s how math works, Tae,” Soohee started. “If I’m celebrating today as the hundredth day, it should be included--”

“Don’t try to reason with him when he’s like this,” Jimin said softly.

“I heard that!” Taehyung still didn’t open his eyes, so he looked a little ridiculous raising a scolding finger into the air in the slightly the wrong direction.

“Taetae, I think I heard that Sejin needs you on stage…” Jimin kept his tone as neutral as possible, but Soohee giggled quietly next to him. Taehyung’s eyes shot open in a glare, then he quickly looked around the room. Jimin was relieved to see that Sejin had left with the venue guys -- he probably should have checked that before he lied.

“I see what you’re doing.” Taehyung pointed two fingers at his own eyes, then at Jimin. “Not cool, man. Not cool.”

Jimin raised his eyebrows, challenging him. Taehyung stood up slowly with his hands raised in placation.

“I’m still going to go,” he said, fiercely trying to maintain the upper hand, “because I'm not one hundred percent sure you're lying and I really don’t want to be put in timeout again this week but also because I feel like I have a stake in this date going well.” Soohee looked at him in puzzlement, but he just shrugged, dropping his hands. “I’m invested now.” His hard expression came back as he looked at Jimin. “Don’t screw it up, Jimin.” He eye-pointed at him one last time before slipping out of the room.

“...anyway,” Jimin said, ignoring him as he left and turning back to Soohee, “I have a special plan for tonight. Will you go on a date with me?” Soohee flashed him one of his favorite smiles and nodded shyly. He looked around and saw that it was only their people in the room, so he quickly placed a kiss on her lips before they broke apart to go look busy in separate parts of the room.

In less than a half an hour, they were in the van back to the hotel. It was just past noon and the others were complaining about how hungry they were. Taehyung, Snack Eater in Chief, and his skilled apprentice Jungkook were the most vocal about their imminent death by starvation (despite the approximately nine million snacks they’d consumed on the plane and at the venue). Jimin just wanted a nap in the worst way -- the ten minutes of sleep he’d gotten on the short flight from Tokyo hadn’t been nearly enough.

He wasn’t just physically tired, although two concerts and two large fan meetings in four days was enough to wear them all out. And the rest of them hadn’t been hitting the gym twice a day again. Plus, there was a certain kind of mental exhaustion that came from speaking a foreign language, even if it was scripted, but he was mostly used to that after the tour. But what really had him so weary was dodging the damn cameras all the time just to get a quick moment alone with his soulmate.

They were filming a DVD on this trip and the cameras were more prevalent backstage, since they were each doing secret missions. Which made it really difficult for Soohee to get within three meters of him without management pausing the recording and giving them The Look. He had to admit, though, that as frustrating as it was for the two of them, the whole thing had been a lot of fun for the members. It made all of them hilariously suspicious of each other and yet so completely dense about what was really happening.

He was still slightly annoyed he’d failed his own mission, though for once it wasn’t his competitive side rising up (mostly). No, he issues was that he’d had to stand up and sit back down every time someone called his name. Normally, that would have been relatively easy, but his thighs had been killing him from a particularly brutal workout that morning. He’d endured quietly for a while and smiled for the cameras that kept him from Soohee, trying to be a good sport and not whine about his self-imposed torture. But then he’d failed halfway through the day and it hadn’t felt worth it.

Kissing Soohee in a supply closet after the cameras had left him alone had been, though.

They piled out of the van and into the hotel. While the others headed off to the restaurant in the lobby, Jimin snagged Soohee’s sleeve and motioned toward the elevators with his head. Sejin had already given him both their room keys, so he slipped one into her hand and boarded the first elevator, smirking at her as the doors slid closed. There were just enough people in the foyer that he wasn’t willing to risk them being seen going upstairs together.

“So, is this part of our date?” Soohee asked eagerly, as soon as she’d closed the hotel room door behind her a few moments later.

“Oh, no, sorry,” Jimin said regretfully. Even after several days of getting used to all of this, he hesitated for a fraction of a second before he crossed the room and pulled her into a lingering hug. “That’s not until seven, remember? I just thought we’d grab our own lunch.”

“Oh?” Soohee pulled back enough to give him a saucy smile. She lowered her voice to a purr. “What did you have in mind?” She snorted at herself and they both broke into chuckles. He loved how easy it was to laugh with her.

“Well, I had been thinking of a nap,” Jimin nuzzled his nose into her neck playfully, eliciting a shrill giggle just like he’s hoped. “But if there are other dishes on the--” He ruined the effect by yawning widely in that moment. Soohee chuckled and pushed him toward the bed. He stumbled dramatically and fell into a heap on one side. He was going to sit up and ask her if she’d actually had other plans, but the pillows stole all his words and he just groaned contentedly.

“A nap sounds like a good lunch.” She curled up next to him, fully clothed and on top of the covers. It only took her brushing her fingers through his pale orange fringe a few times and he was out.

Jimin combed his wet hair out of his face nervously. Maybe he was taking this too seriously. Was she even going to like this? His limited knowledge of dating came almost exclusively from dramas. He eyed his slacks and button-down hanging on the rack next to the shower (to let the steam reduce the suitcase wrinkles, a trick Seokjin had taught him). Well, it was too late now anyway. He sighed and finished toweling off.

As he passed the towel down each leg, he realized his calves were already starting to feel tender to the touch from his workout a half hour ago. He’d pushed it too hard again and undid most of the benefit of his earlier nap. He rolled his eyes at his own foolishness. He was not going to ruin their first date with some minor aches and pains. He just wished he could still take an anti-inflammatory. Then again, if the night went as planned, they’d be snuggled up and Recharging within an hour and he wouldn’t feel so badly anymore.

He tugged on his slacks, but he left the shirt hanging up for now. He opened the bathroom door to let some of the heat out -- he was already starting to sweat from nerves. Yoongi looked up from his phone, lounging on the nearest bed.

“Why do you look so miserable? Isn’t dating supposed to be fun?” Yoongi chuckled when Jimin sighed deeply. Jimin was grateful to his two eldest hyungs for letting him use their room to get ready, but he could do without any kind of teasing right this second.

“What if she--” He didn’t even get to finish his question before Yoongi was rolling his eyes.

“That girl is so in love with you,” he said, not even looking up from his phone. “Stop worrying. She’ll love it. Besides, you’re being, like, stupidly romantic about this. There’s no way it’s not great.”

Jimin smiled a little at the encouragement and ran his hands nervously through his wet hair. He still had twenty minutes before he had to pick her up at their hotel room. Maybe it was stupid, but if he couldn’t take her out, he was going to make it at least feel like it was more than an evening stuck inside the hotel. He’d secretly packed her favorite (or, okay, maybe his favorite) blue sundress before they left Korea, just in case she wanted to dress up for tonight, and had enlisted Mijung’s help picking out some flowers. He was going all out.

“Jiminie,” Yoongi said hesitantly. Jimin shook himself from his thoughts to see Yoongi staring at him. Or more accurately, at his bare chest. He looked down at himself but couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. He looked back up in question. “The fuck, man?” Yoongi scrunched his face.

“What?” Jimin looked down again. He prodded the little bit of fat left under his belly button.

“Aren’t you supposed to be like… getting the perfect nutrition or whatever?” He made a sourly skeptical face. “You look malnourished. Are you sure you’ve been kissing her enough?”

“Shut up,” Jimin said with a snort. He shrugged self-consciously. “Ideal body, you know?” He hadn’t meant for it to sound so close to a lie, but he was willing to roll with it. Yoongi pursed his lips but didn’t say anything else. Jimin shuffled back to the bathroom to put his shirt on and avoid the issue. He called over his shoulder, "And I've been kissing her plenty, thank you very much."

At some point, he’d figure out how to balance their Recharging with the requirements of his job, but he hadn’t quite found it yet. There was a weird kind of clarity that had come with confessing to Soohee. ARMY’s cheers during No More Dream could never beat the adorable blush Soohee got when he took of his shirt for bed. He found he just couldn’t care about his jawline and his abs when he was kissing her. Still, it was his job to be the muscles of the group.

Maybe he could finally pass that torch to Jungkook. The Muscle Pig seemed to want it more than he did anyway. He thought of that comment, forever ago, on Twitter about his abs leaving him for Hoseok. It wasn’t painful anymore. In fact, it was kind of funny. He wondered idly if they could figure out some kind of custody sharing plan. He’d be happy to let any of the other members have the abs on non-concert days. He snorted at himself at the image of walking backstage and handing off his abs like his did with his mic pack and his monitors.

When he came back out of the bathroom, his hair was dry and artfully messy (he’d spent almost all of his remaining time on it and he’d barely remembered to swipe a bit of deodorant under his armpits) and he was feeling a even more nervous.

Yoongi hopped up and pinched his cheeks, murmuring the kinds of things his halmeoni would say. Jimin swatted him away with laughter and headed for the door. He took a deep breath before he opened it.

“Hey, seriously, man,” Yoongi said behind him. “You got this.” Jimin nodded once. “Also, don’t forget your flowers.” Yoongi scooped up the small bouquet from the bed beside him and made a motion like he was about to throw them. Jimin blanched, but Yoongi just grinned and brought them to him. He patted Jimin firmly on the back and nodded once.

“Thanks, hyung.”

Then he was out the door and striding down the hall, possibly blushing but ignoring it. He tapped into a little bit of his stage persona, just for this moment, to give himself some extra confidence. He wasn’t worried that she’d suddenly stop wanting him if he got this wrong or anything like that. He just really wanted to give her something special, to make her understand how amazing she was and how much he loved her. He took a second deep breath and knocked on his own hotel room door, ignoring the keycard in his pocket. The door swung open hesitantly and Jimin’s breath caught in his throat.

“You look gorgeous,” he breathed. Soohee ducked her head shyly, causing the pretty clip in her hair to glimmer in the low light of the hallway. The blue skirt of her dress swished gently against her legs as she came out into the hallway, the door closing behind her.

“Thanks. You, too.” Soohee looked up through her eyelashes. “I feel a little ridiculous.”

“You don’t look ridiculous, I promise.” Then he remembered the flowers. “Oh, um, these are for you.”

“These are really pretty, Jimin,” she said softly, bringing them to her nose. She smiled shyly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Something about her tone made him think this might be the first time she’d ever been given flowers. On impulse, Jimin leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek.  “Come on. We don’t want to be late.”

Jimin took her hand and led her down the hallway. Soohee looked at him in confusion.

“Jimin, the elevators are that way.” She pointed the opposite direction. “I put on fancy shoes for you. You better not make me take the stairs.” She bumped her shoulder into his with a smile.

“Hush, you,” he said teasingly. “I have this all planned.” He stopped in front of the service elevator and took out a special key card. “See?” he asked as the doors slid open to reveal a scuffed interior with protective quilted blankets hanging off three sides.

“Romantic…” She wrinkled her nose but followed him in.

“Hey, it was either this one alone with me, or the nice ones with the possibility of paparazzi.” Jimin surreptitiously pressed a button and turned toward her. “You know, the staff made sure to inform me that there are no security cameras in here…”

“Oh, really now?” Soohee arched an eyebrow and leaned her shoulder on the wall opposite him. “And why would that be of interest to me?” Jimin snorted and she smirked. He caged her in with his arms, leaning close and smiling enticingly. But the doors were opening before he could get further than bumping their noses together. He sighed with only a small amount of regret and turned her toward the door.

She gasped lightly and brought her hands to her mouth, taking in the scene before them. The roof patio was dark, save for the hundreds of twinkle lights strewn across every surface, including a large trellis. There were also flowers everywhere, matching the ones still in her hands. Under the trellis was a sofa with several throw pillows and blankets, a dozen or so candles on a low table, and a canister of ice holding a glass bottle.

“Jimin, this looks incredible...” Soohee stepped out of the elevator as if in a trance. Jimin kept a hand on the small of her back to guide her gently toward the couch. “When did you-- How did you--? This is for me ?”

“Of course it’s for you,” Jimin said with a laugh. He nudged her gently. “It’s not like I planned this for me and Namjoon and he bailed to go write lyrics or something.” She turned toward him with lowered eyebrows, then burst into laughter.

“This is lovely, seriously, Jimin.” She lost her dazed look as she moved from place to place quickly, looking at everything and cooing over how pretty it all was. Jimin felt his nerves slipping away and a tiny bit of smugness taking over.  

“Um, you know we can’t drink champagne, right?” She stopped in front of the metal ice bucket with the bottle in it. “I mean, it’s a nice gesture, but do you remember The Soju Incident?”

“I still really wish it qualified as a clear liquid,” Jimin muttered wistfully. That had been a sad evening for everyone involved. “It’s actually water.” He pulled it out of the ice, twisted off the cap, and poured some into a champagne flute.

“You’ve thought of everything.” Soohee took a sip. “Oh, sparkling! Fancy!” She did a mock curtsy and he bowed his head seriously back, before chuckling.

He leaned down and flipped a switch on a small device on the table. Light flickered for a second before it cast a large glowing square on the brick wall of the stairwell, opposite the couch. She turned in delighted surprise.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to that movie with us,” Jimin began. “Maybe someday, we won’t have to sneak around and we can do whatever we want, but for now, I can only give you this. I hope it’s okay that--” Soohee pressed her forefinger to his lips, cutting off his words.

“I don’t need any of that stuff. I like it when it’s just you and me.” She lifted a shoulder gently and he was momentarily distracted by the way the twinkling lights reflected off of the mostly bare, golden skin there. She tipped his chin up to focus back on her face. He smiled sheepishly. “I’m not saying all of this has been easy, because it hasn’t.” He grimaced and she smoothed her hand down his cheek. “But I am saying it’s worth it.”

He leaned in and kissed her, lingering against her lips for a minute. She wrapped one arm around his neck and his hands found her waist, but she pulled away fairly quickly. He raised an eyebrow, but she just held up the champagne flute in her other hand, before setting it on the table. Then she was back, grinning against his mouth. They took their time, distracted for a while.

“Hey,” Jimin said finally, pulling away a little breathless. “Not that I’m opposed to this, but I did actually bring you up here for more than a makeout session. Do you at least want to put on the movie before we get back to it?”

She paused to consider for a moment, tapping her chin and making him laugh. Then she nodded and pulled away to plop on the couch happily. So far, things were going really well. Jimin had high hopes for the evening.

“What are we watching?” She started building a small nest of pillows and blankets on one side of the couch. He bit his tongue to keep from teasing her about her pillow obsession -- that hadn’t ended so well for him the last time he’d brought it up. He’d really like to be allowed on the couch with her this evening.

“Actually, I have a couple of options.” Jimin showed her the cases for the three movies he’d brought. She perused them thoughtfully. “Or…” He held out a larger case. “I brought One Piece . You asked me to give it a chance, so I thought we could maybe start it from the beginning?”

Soohee’s eyes widened and a smile broke across her face. Then she looked from the case to his face and back again. She pressed her lips together as if she was trying not to laugh.

“That’s very sweet. But… Chim, honey, this is season sixteen.” Soohee smiled with all her teeth and lifted her shoulders up around her neck, her face teasing but eager. Jimin gaped at her and looked down at the case. She tapped her finger on the large 16 in a circle on the cover.

“That’s not the rating?” Jimin asked incredulously.

“Maybe we should just watch one of the movies instead,” Soohee said generously. Jimin nodded. So much for his thoughtfulness. “But thank you for that.” She pressed a warm kiss to his lips. Okay, maybe it hadn’t totally failed.

To be honest, they didn’t see much of the movie, snuggled together on the couch and preoccupied with one another’s faces. But Jimin was completely fine with that. They caught a few minutes here and there, enough to know the movie wasn’t nearly as interesting as their current activity. They were both pretty grateful they hadn’t tried to go see a movie in public. This was so much better.

It took them ten minutes to even realize the movie was over -- Jimin finally noticed the repetitive music of the main menu after its fiftieth time through. It was probably time for a water break, anyway. While she poured them another glass each, he switched off the movie and put on his favorite playlist from his phone. It may or may not have included some Bangtan songs. He wasn’t sure if that was cocky or not, but he knew she was a fan and, honestly, so was he.

“Hey, do you maybe,” Jimin walked back over to the couch and extended a hand, “want to dance… with me?”

“Oh, no. No no no no no.” Soohee shook her head emphatically. Jimin frowned.

“Do you not like my dancing?” Jimin looked at her pointedly.

“Oh my God, Jimin, really?” She scoffed and batted at his hand. “The things you can do with those hips…” Jimin smiled slowly at her flushing cheeks.

“Hoseok was right,” he muttered to himself.

“What?” Soohee learned forward, like she didn’t hear him clearly.

“Nothing.” He waved a hand dismissively, quelling the urge to ask her how she felt about his eyeliner. “But why don’t you want to dance with me?”

“Because you do it for a living,” she said exasperatedly. “You are a professional dancer and I am a girl who can barely shake her ass in the kitchen while she’s cooking dinner.”

“First of all, you can shake your ass whenever and wherever you’d like.” Jimin waggled his eyebrows and grinned. She rolled her eyes. “Secondly, I taught Namjoon how to dance, noona. I’m sure I can teach you.” Soohee groaned but let herself be pulled up off the couch. “Besides, it’s basically just hugging with more movement... You like hugging me, right?”

“Okay, stop selling it,” she grumbled. “I’m here. Teach me.” The song ended and a slower one began.

Jimin slid his arms around her shoulders. Then paused, thinking. He pulled away and put her hands on his shoulders, then put his on her waist. He frowned. She looked at him expectantly.

“So, uh, it turns out…” Jimin began. “I, um… only know how to do choreographed dances? I’ve never really danced with someone like this.” He bit his lip. “Well, Taehyung, once, but he’s a lot bonier than you are. Also, terrible at waltzing.”

“You know how to waltz?” she asked incredulously.

“Nope.”

Soohee blinked at him for half a second, then burst into laughter. She swatted his arm and he grinned unrepentantly.

“Okay, my turn,” she said firmly.  She put his hands back on her waist and looped her arms around his neck. “You were too busy getting famous to go to any awkward school dances, but I’ve got us more than covered.” She tucked herself close to him and began swaying gently back and forth. It was a little aimless, but Jimin liked the way it felt. “You know, it’s not all that romantic with one of your brothers serenading us.”

Jimin looked around quickly, wondering which of his members was stupid enough to try to interrupt this date. But after a second, he keyed into the music and realized it was one of Jungkook’s covers. He’d put it on the list because it was one of his favorite songs, and because Jungkook was a ridiculously talented brat of a dongsaeng.

“Oh, sorry, is it killing the mood? I can change it.” Jimin tried to pull away, but Soohee held him in place.

“It’s not that bad.” Her fingers played with the small hairs at the nape of his neck and he shivered at the sensation. She eyed him mischievously. “Although, it would be better if it were my soulmate’s voice. When are you going to do a cover of your own?” She poked him in the ribs with a smile.

Jimin bit his lip and looked away. He got this question occasionally, but he was usually able to brush it off or change the subject. Soohee deserved better than that. He just wasn’t sure how to talk about it. She looked at him with concern.

“I’m not… ready yet,” he said finally. She nodded and looked away, like he’d shut down the conversation. He searched for more words. “I want to, someday. Or maybe even compose? But my voice isn’t strong enough. I need to get better--”

“Jimin…” She touched the side of his face to guide his eyes to hers. “Your voice is amazing. You have a gift, truly. I might have biased Taehyung, but I never paid attention to him during your high note in Let Me Know. Even before all of this,” she motioned between them, “I always loved to listen to you sing. And I speak for all of ARMY when I say you are more than capable of holding your own.”

Jimin didn’t know how to respond. She sounded so sure of his abilities. It was startling. He existed in a world and an industry that demanded perfection and constantly pushed for improvement. But here she was, telling him he was good. Telling him he was enough.

“Listen, it’s up to you. I’m not trying to pressure you.” Soohee leaned up to kiss him gently. “You need to do it when you’re ready, and if it’s never, well… That’s fine, too, if that’s what you want. But I believe you’ll be great at it, whenever you choose to, okay? Don’t doubt that.”

They danced quietly for a long moment. Jimin’s heart was too full to say much more, so he just held her. She rested her chin on his shoulder and her cheek against his neck. The song changed again, but neither of them cared. He breathed her in, thankful for whatever power had crashed their lives together. This was not the fate he would have chosen for himself, but he wouldn’t change a single second of it.

“Lee Young Soo and Han Jung Hee,” Soohee said softly, not looking up. Jimin paused, unsure of what he’d heard. He pulled back a little.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Those are my parents’ names.” Soohee lifted on shoulder and looked down sadly. Jimin stared at her. “You said, right before we kissed that first time, that I didn’t let you in and that you didn’t know their names. My father is Lee Young Soo and my mother is Han Jung Hee. We can meet them, if you want. I don’t think it will go well and I cannot stand the idea of someone treating you like you don’t matter, when you’re the most important person in my life. But if you want to meet them, I’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Okay.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “No pressure. We’ll do it when you’re ready. And if that’s never, that’s fine, too.” He smiled gently and she rolled her eyes. But he saw the corner of her mouth lift a little bit before she tucked her face back against his neck.

Soohee bit her tongue and leaned against the counter in feigned nonchalance, watching the stylist sponge foundation onto Jimin’s cheeks. He was pale today. Really pale. So pale that the foundation which was supposed to brighten his skin (and steal all that great golden glow that she loved) was darker than his skin tone. At least it was covering up the blueish-purple bags under his eyes. She wanted to frown. She wanted to sigh. She wanted to scold him for the second (third?) workout he’d gotten in yesterday, after their rooftop date.

She could tell he thought he was being all casual about it, but she’d still noticed. He practically lived at the hotel gym these days, when he wasn’t performing or curled up next to her for too few hours of sleep. She checked herself internally. That wasn’t fair. He’d taken the time to plan their first date and spend a lovely evening with her. She refused to diminish what a kind and thoughtful gift last night had been.

But still, she’d thought they were past all this health stuff. He’d been Recharging with her more and caring less about his workouts and his abs and his biceps. For a little while there, right before he confessed, she’d thought he’d turned a corner. Maybe he did this sort of thing in cycles?

She realized she’d only known him for a few months. She didn’t know what his behavior patterns really looked like. The intensity of everything they’d been through and the supernatural strength of the Bond sometimes tricked her into feeling like they’d been around one another for years.

His eyes drooped and his head dipped, then jerked up quickly. He murmured a lethargic apology to the stylist, who had just accidentally and forcefully sponged him in the forehead. He blinked hard and tried to hold his eyes wide. Soohee watched all of this without comment but that was only accomplished by how hard she was clenching her jaw.

Namjoon called out for her from across the room, looking around him for whatever he’d lost this time. Jimin gave her a small, weary smile as she pushed off the counter and went to help his hyung. She scooped Namjoon’s phone off a side table, his lyric book off the back of the couch, and his monitor pack off a random folding chair as she made her way through the maze of makeup tables and mirrors in the crowded room. He flashed her a grateful, if sheepish, smile when she handed over the assorted objects.

Her mind was still preoccupied with Jimin. He wasn’t healthy and she was worried. Kisses were more potent and they were doing a lot of kissing these days, so she wasn’t sure how he wasn’t a glowing beacon of health. Her own skin looked amazing this week and her hair shimmered, but he kind of looked lackluster (even if it pained her to admit it). He must have been pushing it really hard at the gym. She gritted her teeth and began cleaning up the detritus the boys had produced throughout the morning, just to stay busy.

As much as she wanted to, it just wasn’t her place to say anything to him about it. She wasn’t--

She stopped, stock still in the middle of the green room, halfway through picking up a styrofoam cup. It was her place. She was his girlfriend now. Well, so they hadn’t technically used the label yet. But she was as good as his girlfriend. More than, really. She was his soulmate and the woman he loved. She had a right to worry about him. It was completely reasonable for her to ask him what was going on.

Take up space, Eunha’s voice whispered to her.

She nodded decisively and left the styrofoam cup where it was. Instead, she spun on her heel and dumped what little she’d managed to collect into the nearest trash can. She straightened her shoulders and was about to walk back over to him when she saw one of the cameras following Hoseok to his makeup chair. She remembered the DVD and bit back a groan. This was not the best time to get into it with Jimin.

In fact, now that she’d stopped for half a second to think about it, she knew she should wait until they were alone. He hated when she asked him about this. Her chest tightened, thinking about the last time it had come up. The fight. The careless words they’d shouted at one another. The weeks of silence and awkwardness and pain. She knew they were in a different place now, that she was in very different place. But they’d also only been together a week. Everything was still so fresh and fragile and new.

She blew out a long breath. She would need to plan out how to bring it up, how to remain calm and emotionless and factual. It would probably be best to wait until they were back in Korea and on the (much welcome) upcoming break. It only felt urgent right now, as she watched him finish up with his makeup and slouch off to the hair station, but she reminded herself that he’d been taking care of himself long before she came into the picture.

For now, she’d just offer him the opportunity to Charge as often as she could. Though she’d give him a choice this time -- she’d learned that much, at least. She was about to go offer him a snuggle or a some alone time in the janitorial closet down the hall that she’d scoped out earlier, but Jungkook was walking over to him.

“You look handsome today!” Jungkook’s tone was full of smarmy banter. Soohee narrowed her eyes. The kid was a good dongsaeng, but he never gave away compliments that easily. And definitely not to Jimin. So either Jungkook had noticed Jimin’s lethargic mood or he was doing a secret mission. Or possibly both.

“Have you done something wrong?” Jimin asked incredulously. He looked up at Mijung and pointed at Jungkook. “Did you hear what he just said to me? I can’t get used to compliments from him.”

Soohee was a little surprised he hadn’t asked directly about a secret mission. Maybe he was just letting Jungkook win for a bit? They all knew how competitive the maknae could be. But as she helped the others prepare for the stage, she kept an eye on the two of them. Jungkook was getting more and more obvious in his attempts to get Jimin to respond in some particular way (Soohee’s money was on some sort of thanks from Jimin) and Jimin remained completely clueless. He was also moving slower than usual, and Soohee didn’t miss the tightness in his jaw every time he stood up or sat down. She could tell he was sore and exhausted.

She wasn’t sure how he was going to perform today. It wasn’t a full concert, but it was still several songs, in a second language, with games and jokes and a lot of playing around. These boys could fake energy and health with the best of them, but she’d never seen Jimin this bad off before. She seriously contemplated asking Jungkook to throw his mission and let Jimin catch a short nap, but less than five minutes later, Jimin thanked him frankly and Jungkook gave him a high five.

As soon as the cameras moved away from them, Jimin rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck, wincing. She walked up behind him and bumped him gently as she passed.

“You want some Charge?” she murmured, not looking at him. There were too many cameras around for her to be direct about it

“I wish, but I don’t have time,” he responded, pretending to fix his hair in the mirror.

“You’ve got at least a half hour before you need to be in the wings.” She straightened Taehyung’s stack of manga on the counter next to him. “Wanna go make out in the janitor’s closet?” She smirked down at the books.

“You are cruel,” he accused. “I’ve gotta go run harmonies with Seokjin. And Namjoon wants to go over the last ment again.” He flashed her a regretful smile in the mirror. “Also, I think I saw Mijung and Myungsoo go in there a few minutes ago.” Soohee snorted at his wide-eyed expression. He leaned forward and asked conspiratorially, “Do you think they’re together?”

“Oh, Chim,” she said, shaking her head and chuckling.

“I knew it!” he whisper-yelled. “Jungkook owes me some serious cash.”

“Do you guys bet on everything?” Soohee rolled her eyes, then realized they were leaned close to one another in a way that would definitely look like flirting to any camera that caught them. She pulled back and picked up a can of hairspray. “And yes, okay, they’re together, but they’re trying to keep it quiet. They don’t want to damage the company. So be chill, okay?” Jimin stared at her in the mirror for a moment.

“God, I want to kiss you right now,” he finally murmured. He pressed his lips together and groaned very quietly in the back of his throat. The noise still did things to her, muffled as it was, and she began to blush.

“You can’t say shit like that and not join me in the closet, so you better put up or shut up and go sing with your hyung.” She shot him a fierce look and took the can of hairspray across the room to another counter just for something to do. She caught his sly grin in the mirror and bit back a groan of her own.

Before long, she was bustling them all up to the stage. For the first time in a while, she followed them. There wasn’t much for her to do backstage anyway, since they’d be back here tomorrow, and she hadn’t watched them perform this set yet. There was also a somewhat large part of her that felt uncomfortable not being able to see Jimin at all times today. She knew she was overreacting, but there was no reason not to go with it.

They really were a talented group. She didn’t often get to be a fangirl anymore -- she was too busy helping run the show and falling love with Jimin to pay much attention to the music. So it was nice to watch them move through their choreography like a well-oiled machine. Well, mostly well-oiled. Was Jimin a fraction of a beat behind? Maybe she was imagining things, but with as tired as he’d been earlier, she kind of doubted it.

She felt a presence next to her and turned. Narae raised an eyebrow at her. Soohee pointed at herself in question, the volume too high and distorted this close to the stage to hope to carry on a conversation. She motioned toward the exit to the back hall, trying to ask if Narae needed her for something. Narae shook her head, then nodded toward the stage with an expression that clearly asked what Soohee was doing up here. Soohee shrugged. Suddenly, a knowing and slightly sly grin spread across Narae’s face and she mouthed what looked like Like what you see?

Soohee rolled her eyes and turned back to the stage, figuring Narae would leave momentarily. Everyone claimed Soohee was a workaholic, but she really had nothing on Narae. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen the woman sit, other than that one time she’d driven Soohee back to the dorm in her car. But Narae stayed through the next song and even through the first ment. One of the crew rolled a large corkboard covered in sticky notes past them and out onto the stage for the first game, and still Narae stayed. Soohee found her silent presence familiar and comforting.

“I put a few on there, you know,” Narae said conspiratorially, the noise level low enough that they could hear one another again. Soohee turned to her in surprise, her jaw dropping open. Narae shrugged. “What? Noona’s gotta have fun, too.”

“No, I just-- I didn’t know we could!” Soohee frowned in the direction of the board. “I’m totally doing that tomorrow. I’m thinking piggy-back rides or something involving lipstick. Or both.” Narae nodded appreciatively, reaching out to fistbump her. Soohee wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but she just went with it. “So what’s the worst one you put on there?”

“Hmmm… There’s one where they have to guess the color of one another’s underpants…”

“Sunbae!” Soohee turned to her, scandalized. “They can’t play that on stage!”

“I know,” she responded smugly. “It’s really fun watching Joonie read it to himself and try to make up a new game on the spot.” Soohee covered her mouth to muffle her laughter, since the stage had gotten especially quiet all of a sudden and she might actually be heard out in the crowd. “What is he doing ?” Soohee turned back to the stage at Narae’s words.

She’d missed the name and rules of whatever game they were playing, but Jimin’s cheeks were puffed out and his eyes were crossing. The other boys laughed and egged him on, and Soohee rolled her eyes at their antics. Jimin continued holding his breath, his face growing more flushed. He swayed a little and Soohee took an unconscious step forward.

And then he dropped.

The simultaneous sounds of his face slamming into the floor and a monitor crashing off the stage hit her before her brain processed the image that her eyes were sending her. She gasped and took another step forward. Narae gripped her elbow and she remembered where she was just in time to stop herself from running out onto the stage. Jimin didn’t get up.

The silent crowd frayed her nerves as the other boys scrambled toward him. Soohee reached blindly for Narae, unable to take her eyes off of Jimin. She reminded herself to breathe. It shouldn’t be that difficult. She’d done it every single moment of her entire life. And yet. She couldn’t quite remember how with her chest so tight and Jimin still not moving. Namjoon crouched down in front of him, both checking on him and strategically blocking him from the eyes of the crowd. Seokjin and Taehyung flanked him, their broad shoulders acting as shields while Yoongi shook his shoulder.

Jimin rolled over and stared at the ceiling. Soohee sucked in a ragged breath, tears of relief springing to her eyes. She could see Taehyung’s face, blank and rigid, as he helped Jimin sit up and passed him a water bottle. Her heart pounded and she felt a little dizzy, adrenaline spiking through her bloodstream. It took everything she had not to run out there and check him herself. Jimin responded to something with a shake of his head and Hoseok turned to give the crowd a reassuring smile that she didn’t buy for a second. Jungkook said something Soohee couldn’t hear and she was never more thankful for their conscientious sound team who’d killed their mics.

Staff and crew filled the wings around her, but everyone hesitated to go out there when Namjoon and Taehyung seemed to be handling it well. Even now, they had to play the PR game -- every move could make this worse. It would make Soohee angry if she weren’t so focused on every sip of water and breath Jimin took. She found herself breathing in purposefully, as if her breaths could help steady his. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth and gripped her own hands hard to keep them from shaking. Jimin nodded in response to something Seokjin asked and said something that looked suspiciously like I’m fine. Soohee ground her teeth together. He was not fine.

Finally, they helped him stand. His legs were wobbly, but he was trying to pretend they weren’t. He waved at the fans, who cheered loudly with relief. Sejin motioned to one of the roadies, who ran out on stage with a stool, a towel, and another bottle of water. Taehyung kept a grip on Jimin’s arm as he made his way over, only letting go once he was seated. He smiled weakly at the fans, who cheered again, but there was a restless energy in the room.

Jimin’s hand shook as he raised his water bottle again. Namjoon just barely blocked it from view. He leaned over and said something to Jimin, who shook his head vehemently. Namjoon nodded firmly, a small and completely fake smile fixed on his face for the benefit of the audience. Jimin’s shoulders sagged, then he nodded. Namjoon patted him on the back and motioned to Taehyung. Then he turned toward the crowd, subtly motioning to his mic to get it turned back on.

“Hey guys, Jimin needs to take a little bit of a break, so we’re going to continue on without him for a bit. Let’s all give him a big cheer and help him feel better, yeah?” Namjoon called out while Taehyung helped Jimin toward the opposite side of the stage. ARMYs dutifully screamed and hollered. Jimin gave a final wave, but Soohee didn’t see anything else, because she was already pushing through the crowd of staff to get to the door to the hall. No one, not even Narae or Sejin, beat her to him.

He was already crouched on the floor, just below the stairs, leaning heavily against the wall. Taehyung shot her A Look and she nodded, already on her knees next to Jimin.

“Thanks, Tae,” she said quickly. “You have to get back out there.” Taehyung looked like he wanted to argue, but Sejin appeared right then to walk him back up the stairs. Soohee didn’t spare them a second glance. “Jimin, talk to me. What happened?”

“I just… got real dizzy,” he mumbled, his eyes closed and his head resting on the wall. There was already a large red splotch blooming across his cheek. She threaded her arm around his shoulders, pressing as much of her body to his side as she could. “Mmmm, thanks. Feels nice.” He gripped his forehead. “Spinning.”

“You really scared me.”

“Sorry… wasn’t planned…”

She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and realized how conspicuous they looked. She wasn’t sure she cared about their secret at the moment, but that’s apparently why Narae and Myungsoo and Mijung and two or three others were forming a wall of bodies around them, facing out. It was like she and Jimin here in their own little world. Or prison of legs. Whatever.

“What the hell happened?” she whispered harshly. She was suddenly more angry than she was afraid, now that she could touch him. She couldn’t help but think of his lethargy and extra workouts and refusal of Charge this afternoon. “I mean, seriously, what the fuck, Jimin?”

“Noona, it was an accident. I’m fine.”

“Park Jimin, you are not fine--”

“Hey, how are you doing?” Sejin asked, returning and breaking through the wall of bodies.

“Feeling a little dizzy. And stupid,” Jimin said, blinking up at him. “A lot stupid.”

“You need a doctor?” Sejin crouched down to examine Jimin’s face. The spot was growing more discolored by the second. “We’re probably going to have to take you to get looked at.”

“What are they going to do for me?” Jimin motioned at Soohee. “Can’t take any drugs.”

“We can make sure nothing’s broken and figure out why you passed out,” Sejin responded. Soohee nodded emphatically.

“Just held my breath too long.” He tried to give them a cheeky grin, but it was weak and ruined by the grimace of pain when he moved the injured skin. “I’m competitive, you know.”

“And it has nothing to do with the three trips to the gym in the last twenty-four hours?” Soohee asked pointedly. Jimin looked away guiltily. “That’s what I thought.”

“Okay, we’re headed to the hospital.” Sejin nodded decisively and stood up.

“No, I’m fine. I just need a little Charge,” Jimin protested.

“You need a swift kick in the ass is what you need,” Soohee muttered. Jimin looked up at her, a little wounded. “Sorry, I just. You have no idea how scared I was just now.”

“At least as scared as I was in Mexico City,” Jimin grumped petulantly. Soohee curled a lip at him. She hated when he had a good point.

“Sejin, please, no hospital? I just want to rest for a bit. I’ll be fine in a little while, I promise.” He sounded so hopeful, like he thought this would all go away in a few minutes.

“We’ll hang out here for a bit and let you get some Charge, but I can’t let you go back out there with your face swelling like that.” Sejin shrugged regretfully. “And we’re probably going to have to go to the hospital in a bit, if only for PR reasons.”

Jimin groaned but let himself be helped up. He leaned heavily on Soohee as they made their way to one of the couches inside the greenroom. She wasn’t taking any chances, so even though it was a more than a little embarrassing in front of an audience (even one as discreet as this one), she arranged Jimin flat on his back on the couch and then climbed up to lay across his chest. If they were alone, she’d probably have made him take off his shirt.

The staff left them alone as soon as they were settled. The desire to lecture was strong, but she needed to make sure he was okay first. She contented herself with listening to his heart beat in his chest as it rose and fell softly with each breath. After a long moment, he cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“Thank you.” She lifted her head to look him in the eye. “Now tell me what really happened.”

“What do you mean?” He looked genuinely confused. “I held my breath too long and passed out.”

“Jimin, healthy people breathe in before they pass out.” She looked at him pointedly. “But you’re not healthy right now.”

“I’m fine.” His tone tried to close the argument before it started, but unlike earlier, she didn’t care who heard or how mad he got. She should have said something then, and she was definitely going to say something now.

“You’re not fine. I don’t know if you know this, but you and I are never fine when we say we are,” she said fiercely. “We’re both liars. So tell me the truth.” Jimin shrugged, looking a little lost and embarrassed. Soohee forced herself not to clench her teeth. “Maybe it was okay to block me out of this before, but I’m your girlfriend now, so I’m not going to keep my mouth shut anymore. You have to stop this.”

“No, noona, I swear, that’s not what this is, this time.” He tried to sit up, but she pushed him back down. She dearly wanted to dig her elbow into his ribs for effect, too, but that seemed counter-intuitive to her get him healthy again goals.

“I know you think you’re not good enough and I know you obsess over your muscles and your abs and your fucking body image, but your health is more important, Jimin.”

She tried to keep her voice at a reasonable volume, but she was feeling so helpless and he still looked so pale and her ears were still ringing with the sick thud of him hitting the floor. The words pushed their way out of her and she didn’t even bother restraining them.

“Listen, I don’t want to use this, because I know how you are.” She shook her head sadly. “You’re doing all of this for the fans and for Bangtan, because you think that everyone expects it of you. And I just want you to take care of yourself for you, but if that’s not enough, then do it for me.” She felt a little guilty, guilting him. But if it worked, she knew she wouldn’t regret it. “My life depends on you being healthy. My happiness depends on you being healthy. I’ve never been able to depend on anyone like this before, so please. Just take care of yourself for me, because I want to trust that you’ll always be here. And I want you to finally understand that you are perfect just the way you are and I don’t fucking care what any newspaper prints or what a camera says, because I love you.”

“Well, all of that is great, but I just… I get that?” Jimin grinned sheepishly at her.

She faltered. Why was he smiling like that? He knew how disarming and distracting it was. She was trying to be serious here. She frowned hard and he chuckled underneath her.

“The only reason I fainted out there is that you and I have been getting a lot of Charge lately,” he continued, his eyes dropping to her lips inconveniently. She blinked at him in confusion. How could Charge make him faint? “And I definitely don’t want to stop doing that, but my muscles and my abs and my fucking body image, as you put it, are legitimately part of my job.”

“But--”

“It’s not my favorite thing either,” he interrupted with a sigh. “And I’d probably be perfectly happy getting fat and lazy, but for better or worse, me being the muscley one is good for Bangtan right now.” She scowled and he scowled back, making her want to laugh. She shouldn’t want to laugh right now. “Anyway, I haven’t figured out the balance between kissing you every minute of every day and getting all soft and healthy... and maintaining my responsibilities.” He was being reasonable and calm and it was killing all her arguments.

“I do like kissing you,” she said begrudgingly.

“Me, too,” he said, leaning up to peck her lips. “But I also really like being a part of Bangtan and getting to do all the things we’re doing. And yeah, it’s clear I went overboard in the last few days. I’m really sorry and I won’t let it happen again.” He stopped talking and just looked at her, like he was waiting for her to argue more. She kind of wanted to, but she was out of ammo.

“Oh. Well. Good then,” she said curtly instead.

“Yeah,” he replied, using a mockery of her tone.

She rolled her eyes but relaxed against him. She knew he had to be feeling pretty crappy, not just physically but also because his members were on stage without him. She heard the opening strains to I Need U and wondered who would take his parts.

“Sejin’s staring at me…” Jimin groaned. “He’s going to make me go to the hospital, isn’t he?

“If he doesn’t, I will.”

“Soohee, I just told you--”

“I know, but you also slammed your face into a hardwood floor and were unconscious for several seconds. You need an x-ray or an MRI or something.” She tapped very gently on his forehead. “Besides, it’ll give me a chance to see what the fuck is going on in here. Goddamned mystery to me.” She smirked at him and he chuckled lightly, then winced again.

“So, you know how I said I’d teach you to dance?” Jimin gingerly touched the growing bruise on his cheek. “Lesson number one: feet go on the stage, face stays in the air.”

“Strange. I would have thought it was the other way around... You’re going to have a nasty bruise in an hour or so.” She pouted at him, her chest tightening just a little as she got a really good look at the damage. She sighed. “At least with Recharging, it’ll fade faster.” Jimin’s eyes narrowed mischievously.

“Wanna kiss it better?”

Soohee snorted. Jimin looked smugly pleased with himself. Soohee probably shouldn’t reward him for being such a blatant smarmpants, but his mouth was too tempting and it would help him heal faster.

“Yeah, okay, why not?” She leaned down and kissed him thoroughly. For medicinal purposes.

“Wow, feeling better already,” he said. She pecked his nose. “So… girlfriend , huh?”

“Park Jimin…”

**********

EPILOGUE

**********

Jimin closed the front door as quietly as he could and slipped off his shoes in the entry way. The moonlight through the window in the living room was enough to help him find his way, so he didn't bother with the light switch. He peeled off his facemask and hoodie, unwelcome additions in the warm May air, but ones he needed to make it safely back from the company building without being noticed. He’d been using an abundance of caution recently, as their fame took another giant leap forward.

He shook his head in wonder. They’d just played in the Olympic Park Gymnastics Arena this afternoon. To a sold out crowd. For the second night in a row. What the hell? He was still overwhelmed, these many hours later. And tomorrow, they were about to check another goal off the list -- their first appearance on Running Man. He honestly wasn’t sure which he was more excited about.

His dropped the facemask and his wallet in their usual spot on the end table next to the couch and caused a piece of paper to flutter onto the floor. He picked it up and smiled at the invitation to Mijung and Myungsoo’s wedding. He’d kept his promise to Soohee to keep it quiet until they announced it themselves. But then he’d made Jungkook double his winnings, since he’d known for so long without Jungkook suspecting. He’d used the money to buy Soohee another set of really nice colored pencils and pointedly told her not to share them with the maknae.

He carried the invitation to the kitchen, and stuck it to the fridge with a magnet, next to the birthday card from his mom and a photo of him and the guys after their first win for Fire. He crept down the hall but was surprised to see the bedside lamp still on. He peered around the door frame and smiled at the sight that greeted him. Soohee was fast asleep in a gigantic nest of pillows -- including his own, tucked right under her cheek -- with her hair fanned in a dark halo around her head. She’d decided to grow it out, but she kept it up most of the time. Like this, he could tell it was getting long. He really liked it.

God, she was pretty.

He took a deep breath, smiling at how he was still winded by her presence in his life sometimes. He undressed quickly, tossing his sweatpants and t-shirt in the hamper and pulling on a pair of shorts. He was just plugging in his phone when he heard rustling behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see Soohee blinking at him blearily.

“Mmmmm, you’re home late…” Soohee sat up and scrubbed a hand down her face.

“Sorry I woke you,” he said gently, leaning in for a quick peck. She returned it in a kind of perfunctory manner, then frowned.

“You said you were just stopping to finish something quickly at the company.” She almost sounded whiny. Even after all these months together, he still found her sleepy pout one of the most adorable things about her. “What happened? Were you dancing this whole time?” She became more alert and her eyes narrowed. “You did a full concert this afternoon. Why did you even need to practice at all?”

“No, it’s the opposite of that, actually.” Jimin smiled to himself, proud of how he’d spent his evening. She looked at him suspiciously.

“What is the opposite of working out too hard? It’s not like you were shoving your face full of fast food.” She clutched her hand to her chest and gasped in mock scandal. “Did you find a new soulmate to snuggle instead of me?” He snorted and climbed onto the bed.

“Very funny, noona,” he said teasingly. She didn’t like it when he called her noona, now that they’d been dating for so long, and he knew it. “No, you’re a handful all on your own.” He winked at her.

“Watch yourself, boy, or you won’t be getting a handful of anything any time soon.” She pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her tanktop as if guarding herself from him.

“Whatever,” he said with a smirk, “you can’t live without me.” She rolled her eyes. She also didn’t like when he made puns out of their Bond, but usually only because he beat her to it.

“Sure,” she said with measured confidence. She arched an eyebrow in challenge. “But we can live a lot more miserably than we do right now...”

“You know it takes nearly 8 hours of snuggling to get the kind of charge we’ve been getting in 30 minutes lately.”

“Yeah, sure, thirty minutes,” she scoffed. He yelped in offense and she laughed.

“If you’re going to be like this,” he said petulantly, “I can move back across the hall and sleep with Taehyung instead.”

“Better not be the same kind of sleeping.” She raised her eyebrows.

“Ehhh, your boobs are better than his.” He flashed her a cheeky smile.

“Damn straight.” She nodded firmly and he leaned in to kiss her again.

Her hands wove through his black hair and he scooted a little closer. She deepened the kiss and pressed her body against his. He made an approving noise before pulling her down on top of him and moving his hand to her waist, and then lower. She liked to sing the praises of what she called the Jibooty, but he happened to think she had the better ass between the two of them. Her kisses became a little more urgent and he sighed.

“God, I’m so tired,” he groaned, pulling away regretfully. “Rain check?” She pouted.

“Well, maybe you wouldn’t be so tired if you didn’t stay out late after two back-to-back concerts,” she grumped. But she pulled away with a smile and curled up against his side. She smiled fondly as she began drawing tiny circles on his bare chest with her forefinger. “That was a huge crowd, too. I’m really proud of you guys. Just. So proud .”

“I still can’t believe we got to play there.” He shook his head and sighed. “I mean, that was the dream…”

“Oh, by the way, Mom texted me as soon as you left for the studio. She says congratulations on night two and that she’s sorry she and Dad couldn’t make it to both concerts.”

“Why did my mother text you a message for me ?” Jimin sniffed. “I have a phone, too, you know.” He pretended to pout.

“Well, for one thing, she knows you won’t answer her for at least a day and a half,” Soohee began. Jimin tipped his head in begrudging acknowledgement. “And two, I’m her favorite child now. Jihyun has made his peace with it. You should, too.” She grinned at him unrepentantly and he chuckled.

“Okay, fair.” He played with a lock of her hair and felt the long day catching up with him. Their bed was one of his favorite places in the world, when she was in it with him.

“And also,” she said softly, “It was a really big day and she knows you might be a little overwhelmed. She asked me to make sure you know how proud they are and how much they love you.” Jimin smiled and kissed the top of her head. She hummed thoughtfully. “So… what’s next?”

“What do you mean?” He stretched his neck to look at her. What was next was a solid six hours of sleep, if he had anything to say about it.

“Well, you guys just achieved the biggest goal on your list.” She pressed a kiss into his skin. “You've have been setting these goals and knocking them down faster than anyone can believe. I’m sure you already have another one in mind.”

“Kind of…” Jimin took a deep breath and let it out slowly, unsure if he was willing to say it out loud yet. It was maybe almost too big and too crazy. Soohee stayed quiet and let him work through his thoughts. “The guys were talking in the car on the way back… They want a Daesang.” Her eyes widened a fraction.

“Whoa.” She nodded slowly, seeming to understand his hesitation. “That’s big.”

“Yeah. I mean, it might take a few years, but I think it’s possible. Maybe.” He honestly wasn’t sure. They hadn’t even put out a real album yet this year and the plans for the next thing were still coming together. He was pretty sure they didn’t stand a chance for 2016.  

“You want something different though, don’t you?” she asked quietly, after a moment. He shook himself out of his thoughts to focus on her.

“I mean, a Daesang would be amazing and I want that, for all of us. But…” He bit his lip. Soohee went back to drawing her little circles. If the busyness of his mind wasn’t so weighty, he might have found it terribly distracting. “Bangtan is all about creating our own stuff and telling our stories and I just…” He let a small smiled creep across his face. “I think I’m ready to tell my story. I want to have a bigger voice.”

“Like… solo?” She pushed herself to sitting up. Her face was free from judgement but just that word carried so many emotions for him.

“No,” he said quickly sitting up, too. “Not without them. Never without them.” He shook his head, even as her expression remained neutral. “It’s just that I’ve just spent a lot of time being scared of failing and letting them all down and not feeling good enough.”

He shrugged and she nodded. This was not the first time they’d talked about this. He still thought often of the things she said on their first date. He was thankful for so many things about her, but the one that mattered most to him was how effortlessly she supported him. She saw him, really saw him. And she was so sure of his talent, even when he wasn’t sure himself.

“But... I looked around the stage tonight and-- we made it, you know? We’re standing up there and Yoongi’s crying and the fans are screaming and I just realized that we’re good enough and I’m good enough and I just…” He played with the rings on his left hand, working up his last bit of courage. He looked up at her with a shy smile. “Well. I wrote a song.”

“Oh?” She pressed her lips together and her eyes widened and she did that thing she did sometimes, when she was trying to be chill and was not actually chill at all, where she didn’t actually move but seemed to vibrate with her excitement. He smiled.

“Yeah, it might not be anything…” He’d only finished it twenty minutes ago, and already the confidence and excitement he’d left the studio with had begun to wane. Maybe it was just the post-concert high that was making it sound good… “The other ones have all gone in the trash. But this one… I don’t know. I think it’s…”

“Can I hear it?” Soohee’s hands were held very tightly in her lap and her voice was so neutral as to sound almost bored. But her eyes gave her away. He thought she might break any minute and start flailing or squealing. He chuckled.

“Well, you can read it.” He pulled his phone off the nightstand and opened the app where he’d stored the lyrics. “It’s still really rough,” he warned, handing it to her. It felt like handing her a piece of himself. It was a little scary, but she was the right person to do this with.

She took the phone eagerly and grinned. He started to make more comments, add more caveats, just in case she didn’t like it, but she just shushed him with a flapped hand, not even looking up. He sat, chewing on his lip and twisting his rings while she read.

Slowly, her smile faded. He spun the ring on his thumb. She frowned. He twisted it harshly. She started to scowl and he pulled the whole thing off, scraping along his skin.

“Park Jimin,” she breathed hoarsely. She still didn’t look up. His hands itched to grab the phone back and pretend that he hadn’t shared this with her. It was too raw, too real. It was full of things they’d talked about before, but nothing like this. He should have left this all at the studio. She looked up at him and he stopped his mental tirade when he noticed her cheek was wet. “Park. Jimin.”

“What?” he asked nervously.

“You’re caught in a lie?” She looked heartbroken. “Do you really feel like this? Like you’re being punished?”

“No!” He leaned forward quickly to meet her eye. “Not anymore. No. Not for a long time.”

“But this is how you used to feel?” She looked at him unwaveringly. He shrugged. “Oh my God.”

“You don’t like it?” he asked cautiously. He really wanted her to like it, but if she didn’t, then it definitely wasn’t good enough.

“What?” She turned to face him fully. “I love it. It’s beautiful and honest and it guts me. It’s exactly what music should be and it’s exactly the kind of music Bangtan has been making this whole time. Jimin, this song is incredible.”

“Oh.”

Well that changed things a bit. He laughed with relief and she stared at him. He grinned and kissed her again.

“I’m so proud of you!” She laid her hand along the side of his face and rubbed her thumb gently back and forth. “What did Namjoon say when you showed it to him? Did he love it?”

“I haven’t showed it to anyone yet. I only finished it tonight. I wanted you to be the first one--” Jimin broke off when she kissed him again, laughing against her lips. He breathed out all his tension. “So much has changed in the last year and you’ve been a big part of it and I wanted to share it with you. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” she said gently bumping his nose with hers. “And I love this song. I think you should show it to the guys first thing tomorrow.” She glanced at the bedside clock. “Oh, it’s late. You have filming early tomorrow. We should get some sleep.” Jimin followed her eyes to the clock and then grinned.

“Hey, it’s midnight.”

“Yeah, I just said it’s late--” she began.

“It’s the 9th now…” He rested his forehead on hers. “You know what that means?”

“Hmmmmm?”

He tilted his head a fraction of a centimeter and pressed his lips against hers gently.

“Happy birthday to you, Lee Soohee.”