Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Alright, Sweethearts! Do you have everything you need? Snacks, toys, games, books, paper?" Mirabel and Satan gushed over their twins as the two sat on a pile of pillows and blankets.

"Yeah. We good…" Roman huffed a little as he crossed his arms.

"Mommy, Daddy, can we please go in with you?!" Sparta begged as she gave her parents her best puppy dog eyes.

"Yeah! Pretty please, Mommy!" Roman exclaimed as he did the same.

The rulers of Wrath melted at their little faces before Satan gave a chuckle and shook his head.

"Sorry, my loves. As much as Mommy and I would love for you to sit with us, today's court hearing is nothing interesting."

"Daddy is right, Spitfires. All we are doing is hearing two goetia royals go on and on about which person performed copyright infringement." 

"What is copyright in fer… fer… fredment?" The little prince asked as he tried his best to pronounce the word.

Mirabel and Satan chuckled a bit at how cute he was.

"Nothing you need to worry about right now, Baby… Trust me, Daddy and I are not too excited about it…"

"That's right, little ones. It's long and boring… And so much talking… Do you really want to sit through that?"

The prince and princess turned to each other, then looked at their parents and shook their heads. Leading them to get a laugh from their father.

"Smart choice! I'm sure you will have much more fun in my office than out there anyway. We will be back in a few hours, okay? We will be right down the hall. If you need anything, feel free to come get us." The dragon said with a loving smile as he bent down to give them a few kisses on the foreheads.

"What Daddy said. Nothing is more important than you, little ones. Mommy and Daddy love you." Mirabel cooed as she kissed their noses.

Roman and Sparta giggled as they leaned in and hugged their faces.

"Love you too, Mama!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

They cheered back as they waved to their parents.

"Bye, Sweethearts! See you later!" The king and queen cooed as they exited, making sure the door was closed behind them.      

The twins blinked at the silence for a moment before exchanging a glance.

"So Spar! Want to "dive"!?" Roman asked with glittering eyes.

"No. I want to color." 

As she got up to walk away, her brother grabbed her tail.

"NOOOOO! THAT'S BORRRRRIIIINNNGGGG! PLAY WITH MEEEEE!" He whined as he tugged harder.

Sparta growled before quickly swiping her tail away.

"I don't want to play that game! It's dumb!"

"NO IT'S NOOOOTTTTT! IT'S FUNNNN!"

She rolled her eyes at her brother as she walked towards the table on the other side of the room.

"THEN YOU PLAY IT! I WANT TO COLOR!" Sparta snapped as she leaped up onto a chair.

"FINE! MAYBE I WILL!" Roman snorted as he stuck his tongue out at her and started dragging pillows to rest in front of his dad's desk.

After a while, the twins were enjoying their activities. Sparta drew and colored, while Roman jumped off Satan’s desk into a mountain of pillows. Though… soon, they started to get bored and lay around on the floor.

“I’m bored…” Sparta said as she looked up at the ceiling.

“Me too… When is Mommy and Daddy going to be back?” Roman groaned as he sat up, crossing his arms.

“I don’t know… I want to go home…”

“Same… Court can’t be too boring… Right?” The prince asked as he turned his head to look at his sister.

“Maybe… Want to go see?” Sparta asked with a slight smile as she sat up.

“YEAH! LET’S GO!” The little boy cheered as he jumped up and held his arms over his head.

They laughed together as they ran to the office door and opened it slowly. After seeing nobody, the two started to make their way towards the room where their parents were. Roman and Sparta’s eyes grew wide with excitement as they quickly ran over to press their ears against the door… Only to be disappointed.

“It says here that the publication of the questioned content’s copyright was filed four years before yours. Care to explain why we are arguing the logistics of this quarrel if it is clearly stated in public forms and business records?” Satan groaned in annoyance.

“Well! You see, Your Highness! I have written documentation that SHE! Stole my idea and copyrighted it before me!”

“Mrs. Castella… That is not a crime here… Inconvenient? Yes… Rude? Yes… But it is not illegal to discuss an idea between friends before it is established… Hell, you can’t even sue for copyright if something is clearly a ripoff. Even if it is spelled differently by a single letter. If that were the case, something as obvious and blatant as Loo Loo land would have been struck years ago.” 

“Respectfully, Your Highness, I have to disagree. You see here in section-”

The prince and princess frowned as they pulled away from the door.

“Dang… Mommy and Daddy were right… That IS boring!” 

“I know right! Like, what are they saying?! Are they speaking in tongues or something?!”

“Maybe Spar! They need to throw a table or, or, a chair or something!”

“For real!”

Roman and Sparta stood in a brief silence before getting an idea and flapping her wings in excitement.

“OOO! OOO! I have an idea! What if we make our own court case?! Then, then, we can make it cool!”

“YEAH! That is a great idea! Let’s go!” The prince cheered as he and his sister ran back to their father’s office

Once they made it into the room, Roman and Sparta ran over to their box of action figures and toys.

“Okay! Sooooo! What case are we doing?” The princess asked while looking at her brother with a head tilt.

“Mmmm… OH! Baby court! We haven’t done that yet!” Her brother cheered back with glittering eyes.

“Baby court?”

“Yeah! Like when the judge says who the baby’s parents are!”

“OH! Okay! Wait… Is that what it’s called?” Sparta questioned.

“YEP! I’m sure!” Roman replied with confidence as he dug through the box.

“Mmmm… I don’t know… I’m going to ask Mommy.” She said as she got up and ran back towards the door.

“Okay!” Roman yelled as Sparta quickly made her way to the courtroom.

When she got there, the princess flapped her wings to give herself a boost to grab the door handle. As she grabbed hold and slowly pulled it open.

“I. DONT. CARE. IF. SHE. STOLE. IT. FROM. YOUR. TEXTS! THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS!” Satan yelled as he started to grow larger, ready to beat the shit out of the two birds.

“Babe. Sit down. Now is not-”

“Mommy?”

The room fell silent as all eyes turned to the princess. Satan blinked at her a few times before coughing and sitting back in his chair, a smile spreading across his face.

“Hello there, Pumpkin! How can Mommy and Daddy help you?” He asked in a cheery voice, giving the two goetias whiplash.

“Mommy? What’s ‘baby court’ called?” Sparta asked with a slight head tilt.

“Baby court?” Mirabel repeated as she gave the same gesture.

“Yeah! Like when they find out the baby’s parents.”

The queen blinked at her daughter for a second before a loving smile spread across her face.

“That’s called paternity court, Sweetheart.”

“I knew it wasn’t ‘baby court’! Roman said it was!” Sparta exclaimed, causing her parents to laugh.

“Well, happy I could answer your question, Baby. Anything else you need?” Mirabel continued as she smiled wider.

“Nope! Bye bye!” The princess cheered happily as she went to close the door slowly.

“Bye, my love!”

“Bye, Princess!”

Her parents cheered back as the door finally shut. 

As she ran back to the office, Sparta couldn't help but form a smug grin on her face… She was so ready to prove her brother wrong. When she finally made it back, the princess pushed the door open with both of her hands. 

"HA! I KNEW IT WASN'T CALLED BABY COURT! MOMMY SAID SO!" She yelled as she grinned wider and stuck out her wings with spunk.

Roman rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her before turning to the toys on the floor.

"We will use these for baby court!" He replied as he pointed towards them.

Sparta blinked at him a few times before twisting her face into a sour expression.

"NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO USE THOSE!!!" She answered while jumping up and down in frustration.

"WHY NOT! They're so cool!" He countered as he stood up to glare at her.

"YOU ALWAYS GET TO PICK!"

"NO, I DON'T!"

"YES YOU DO!"

"NO, I DON'T!"

"YES YOU DOOOOO!"

The twins went back and forth before Sparta puffed up her cheeks.

"FINE! If we are going to play with those, I WANT to be the judge this time."

"NOOOOO! I WANT TO BE THE JUDGE! I WANT TO BE THE JUDGE!" The prince cried as he stomped one of his feet on the ground.

"Well, you can only have one! It's the judge or the toys! You pick!" She yelled back as she ran up to get in his face.

Her brother thought about it for a second before growling and sitting on the ground.

"FINE! YOU'RE THE JUDGE! You're also these two." He puffed as he threw two rocket monkey action figures in front of her.

"HA! I WIN! Soooo… What are we doing?"

"Well, we need a story for the court! It makes it more interesting!"

"OH YEAH! That's smart! Sooo… What's the story about?" She asked as she picked up her figures.

"Mmmm… I got an idea!"

"You are so beautiful, Stardust!"

"You're so handsome, Gizmo!"

Roman said in a baby voice as he pressed the two figures' faces together and made kissy noises. After a few seconds, Sparta stomped her toy over. 

"WHAT THE FUCK! IS GOING ON?!" She yelled as she moved the figure's arms up.

"Pip! It's not what it looks like!"

"YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME, YOU HOE!... And with a nasty snot…"

"Oh! NO YOU DIDN'T!" Roman sassed as he stomped his toy over.

"YES I DID! YOU STOLE MY MAN!"

"WELL, YOUR MAN WANTED ME!" He snapped back while moving his figure closer.

"HE WANTED ME FIRST!" Sparta yelled as she did the same.

"LET'S FIGHT!" The prince exclaimed as his figures did flips in the air.

"BITCH SLAP!" 

With that, Sparta moved one of the figure's arms out to "punch" the other in the face. 

"OWWW! YOU'RE CRAZY! I'M GOING TO?" Roman abruptly stopped before stretching his arm out and grabbing a smaller monkey figure. 

"Mommy?" He continued in a girlier voice.

"You have a kid?!" Sparta exclaimed as she brought her back to the ground. 

"YEP! Her name is Princess Bananaelia! I actually have two! Cause, cause, I adopted one!"

"Oh… That's cool… I had a baby two, but she was kidnapped…"

Roman quickly grabbed one of the aliens he brought out and walked it over.

"Hello everyone! I have been told to come here because of this kid." He said while tilting it to the side, showcasing the little drawing of a baby they had taped on beforehand.

"That's my baby!"

"That's my baby!"

The twins shouted at the same time before turning their figures to look at each other.

"WAIT WHAT?! NO SHE'S NOT!"

"YES SHE IS!"

"OH! I see there is a fight!... So… Uh… Which one is the real mommy?" He continued, making the alien look back and forth between the two girl monkeys.

"I am!"

"No, I am!"

"Okay! So… We don't know! We must settle this! Let's go to court!"

"Yeah! Let's go!"

After "walking" the monkeys off, Sparta grabbed a pillow and sat behind it while Roman set up red and blue papers on the floor to act as console tables. Once situated, she threw her previous figure at her brother before grabbing the one they chose to be the judge.

"Bring the child up here, please." She demanded as she waved the judge's hand around 

"But she is my daughter!"

"Yeah! She's my sister!"

Roman exclaimed as he switched between characters.

"Considering you have a paper crown on your head. Bring. Her. Up. Here!" Sparta said as she inched the judge's face closer with every word.

"Chill. Chill. Chill. Chill." Roman grumbled as he moved the new figure to stand next to the pillow.

"Today, we are debating who the real mother of this child is!" Sparta proclaimed while pointing her toy's arm at the kid.

"Uh… Pst, pst, pst…" Her brother pretended to whisper into the judge's ear. 

"Oh okay, okay."

"What did she say?!" Roman yelled as he changed back to his first character.

"You don't get to know that until we are done with this. OKAY! Red! Tell me what… You want to tell me." She continued as she turned to face the left side.

"I'm her mother! I've known her since birth because I birthed… her out…" He replied.

"Okay… BLUE!" Sparta shouts before turning her figure to the right.

"I'm her mother because I adopted her when she was a week old! Soooo… Uh…. I have known her longer than, weird lady."

"Okay…"

The princess said before taking a few seconds to think.

"Order in court! I know who the real mother is… Hence, the daughter told me."

"OH! See, I'm-"

"ORDER! ORDER! 

She cut her brother off as she made her toy jump on the pillows before stopping and speaking again.

No, it's hers." Sparta replied casually before pointing the judge's arm to the left side.

"WHAT!?"

"Mom! Our plan didn't work!"

"Oh, thank lord! Wait… What plan!?"

Roman flipped between the three characters before taking a moment of thought and smiling at his idea.

"The plan to make her work as our maid."

"Princess Bananaelia! SHHHH!"

"OH, HELL NO! YOU HURT MY BABY! I'LL KILL YOU!" Roman yelled before making Pip punch and kick Stardust.

"AAAAA!!! HELP! JUDGE! HELP!"

"Eh… Survival of the fittest." Sparta answered nonchalantly before walking the judge off. 

“SHUT UP, BITCH! I WILL SLAP YOU!” He continued as he made the figures fight, causing Sparta to laugh.

As the two continued to laugh and make the toys fight, the twins failed to notice that their parents had returned and were watching them with adoring smiles.

"My goodness! What happened in here?!" Mirabel laughed as she and her husband walked over.

Roman and Sparta froze for a moment before looking up at their parents and giving them two massive, loving smiles as they began to happily sway their tails.

"There was a fight in baby court!" The prince shouted as the princess grabbed the figures and held them up for their parents to see.

"Oh! I see! How did that happen?! Daddy is dying to know!" Satan laughed while he and Mirabel sat down on the ground and leaned in closer to show their interest.

The twins gave happy moos before quickly filling them in on the drama that had taken place with massive smiles. All the while, the king and queen nodded, gasped, and egged them on to provide more details. Completely unsurprised that their twins had a conflict miles above anything that took place in court…

Speaking of which…

Where's their popcorn? It's getting juicy!