Chapter Text
“I’m home!”
Donna entered her home the same way she had every day for the past twenty years, hanging her keys on the hook by the door, throwing her boots off, and reaching up to peck Shaun on the lips as he came to greet her. “Hello dear.”
Shaun smiled at her, “How’s the greatest woman in the world?”
“Oh hush you,” Donna said, giving him one more kiss for good measure.
“Hi Mum!”
“Hey Donna!”
Some things had changed. Now alongside her boots and Rose’s sneakers there sat a beat-up pair of converse. Another voice greeted her when she walked in the door. She looked past Shaun’s shoulder to see the Doctor on the couch as usual, tinkering with something that looked like it used to be a toaster oven. (Not theirs thankfully so she wouldn’t question where they got it). Rose sat beside him working on her latest project.
Donna liked to call them her little inventors. Sylvia liked to call them Trouble.
She shrugged off her coat, leaning on the back of the couch and kissing Rose on the head, “What’s today’s project?”
“I dunno yet,” Rose said, poking at a large ball of pink and orange fluff. “Ever since the meta-crisis I’ve been having a harder time coming up with ideas.”
“Well I’m sure you’ll figure it out sweetheart. You were brilliant long before this nutter was in your head.”
“Oi!” The Doctor shoved her away good naturedly.
Donna stuck her tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes, exchanging a look with Rose.
Donna raised an eyebrow, “What was that look?”
“What look?” the Doctor said, all too innocently.
“You know well what look. What are you two planning?”
“Nothing!” the Doctor said quickly, “Well nothing special. I was just thinking, you know, since Rose is having a bit of a brain block, maybe a quick trip would be just the thing-”
“No.” Donna said, ignoring the twin looks of pleading.
“C’mon mum please . Just one short one!”
“Just real quick, pop off to the menagerie on Aurelia. They’ve got some beautiful-”
“I said no,” Donna said firmly, “You say real quick and next thing you know there’s a crash landing or alien war and it’s two months before I see you again!”
“I’ve gotten much better at driving,” the Doctor protested.
“Need I remind you of what happened last time?” Donna raised an eyebrow.
The Doctor winced, “Fair point.”
“But mom-”
“No,” she said, “Look you,” she pointed to the Doctor, “Promised me at least two months of rest, real rest , before you went anywhere again. And you,” she turned around to Rose, putting her hands on her shoulders, “I love you darling, and I want you to be safe. So no trips until the Doctor’s feeling better and I can go with you.”
Rose and the Doctor slumped back down on the couch.
“Now you know how I felt,” Syliva said from the kitchen, wagging a knife in the air, “Always rushing off. At least you know who the Doctor is meanwhile I had no idea-”
“Yes mum, so you've said.” Donna came up beside her and grabbed the knife. Her mother’s nagging had fluctuated over the past few weeks as she had gotten to know the Doctor. The week they helped her with her garden she had sung their praises. The week after that when they set fire to the kitchen trying to help Rose with a school project she had been lectured on the dangers of traveling with strangers and then bringing them home. Then when she found out the Doctor helped Donna get her job it was all ‘Why didn’t you bring him around sooner?’ The Doctor claimed he was winning her favor, just very, very slowly.
“Go rest a bit,” Donna said, nodding upstairs, “I’ll get dinner ready.”
“Thank you dear.”
Donna shook her head and started to cut the vegetables.
It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the Doctor to keep Rose safe… it was just, well. Life in the Tardis was what it was. And it wasn’t always the Doctor’s fault, but he tended to run into danger headfirst and drag others with him. And Rose was her baby girl, there was no way Donna was letting her go out there on her own. It was dangerous, everyone who traveled with the Doctor knew that.
She looked up at the Doctor. She had spent the whole walk home wondering how to break the news to him, or if she even should. It was a fifty-fifty chance that it would make them jump in excitement or shut down and lock themselves in the Tardis for a week.
“So Kate told me something interesting today,” she called from the kitchen, where they couldn’t see her, like a coward.
“Oh yeah?” The Doctor didn’t look up from where they were carefully placing some wires. She had long since given up on asking them to move to somewhere safer, figuring if the house did blow up they could always rig another lottery.
“Yep,” she took a breath, “Turns out, there’s a companion support group.”
That got him to pay attention. Their head twisted around so fast she was worried he hurt something. “A what?”
“A group,” Donna repeated, “For people like me, who traveled with you. Turns out there’s a decent amount of us in the twenty-first century.” She hadn’t known what to think when Kate brought it up. She knew of course that there were others, but hadn’t realized how nice it would be to meet them. To talk to people who actually understood what it was like.
“That’s…” The Doctor ran his fingers through their hair, “Right that’s… makes sense I suppose.”
He didn’t seem ecstatic, but so far nothing was on fire, so that was good.
“There’s more people who have traveled with you?” Rose asked, perking up like she always did when she sensed a story.
“Oh yeah,” Donna said, “I mean naturally he never tells us about them…”
“I’m working on it alright?” The Doctor groaned. “There’s… yeah I suppose there would be a fair amount of you around this time,” they stared off into the distance, with that distracted look in their eyes that said his brain was whirling with possibilities. “Why’s it a support group?”
Donna gave him a Look.
“Point taken.”
“Anyway they had a meeting today,” Donna said, “So I went.”
“Who…” The Doctor cleared their throat, “Who all was there?”
More people than Donna had been expecting. She had seen the group of people that traveled with the Doctor back when there was that whole thing with Davros that led to the metacrisis. She had assumed that that was a majority of the people like her, and that most were unreachable, separated by either time or space. She had been very wrong. There had been so many at that group, and each of them had referenced so many more.
“Well you know me and Mel,” she began. “Oh Martha and Mickey came for a visit. Then there was a woman named Ace. Tegan and her wife Nyssa-”
“Nyssa? How did she- nevermind.”
“Ian Chesterton-”
“He’s alive?”
“-and his wife Barabara,”
“She’s alive?”
“Jo Grant, Graham, his grandson Ryan, Dan, and then one girl, didn’t talk much, Yaz.”
There was a clank and the sound of shattering glass, followed by the Doctor swearing.
“What-” Donna poked her head in to see the Doctor sucking on a finger, motioning Rose away from the broken glass. “Oh for the love.”
“Sorry,” the Doctor mumbled through their hand.
“Rose dear, could you go get the broom?” She said, moving the Doctor away before they stepped on it without thinking. She glanced at his hand and saw a hint of blood, “And the first aid kit.”
“Sure mum.” Rose seemed to take the hint and rushed upstairs, hopefully giving them a few moments of privacy. She sat down beside the Doctor on the couch, making sure there weren’t any shards on the cushions.
“So um,” the Doctor cleared their throat, “Yaz was there you said?”
“Yes, she was,” Donna said, watching him carefully.
“Right, good. That’s good.” The Doctor ran their non-injured hand through their hair, “How was she? Did she look alright?”
“I think so,” Donna said, wrapping a napkin around their fingers, “We didn’t talk much. She was mostly hanging around Tegan and Nyssa while I got caught up talking with Jo. Love her by the way.”
The Doctor nodded, “Yeah you two would get on.” they were still staring off into nothing.
“Doctor?”
“Hm?”
“What is it?”
“Nothing just—” he ran a hand over his face, “I should’ve expected it. Just didn’t think. I’m an idiot.”
“Well I knew that,” Donna teased. When the Doctor didn’t react she knew this was going to be one of those conversations. “Doctor what did you do?”
Silence.
“This isn’t another Martha is it? The Master didn’t enslave her family or something horrible?” After Martha had told her that story Donna had given the Doctor quite an earful. She loved the man, they were her best friend, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be a stupid arse.
“No nothing like that,” The Doctor shook his head, “Her family’s great. Mum’s great. Her mum actually liked me for once.”
Donna found that hard to believe but let it slide, “Then what is it?”
“I think…” he sighed, leaning back against the couch, “I think I might have broken her heart. Just a bit.”
Donna groaned, “Oh god it is like Martha.” What an idiot.
He shook his head, “No it’s.. It wasn’t like that.”
They looked down, fidgeting with the edge of their vest. There was a look on their face, similar and yet so so different from the one he was wearing when she first met them. When Donna had held up Rose’s jacket and was met with grief.
Oh.
“You loved her too didn’t you?” She said softly. She held onto his temporarily bandaged hand. The Doctor shifted in their seat, and for a moment she thought he would deny it. He met her eyes and his shoulders sagged.
“I did,” he whispered, “I really did.”
“Oh Spaceman,” She leaned into him, letting him lean on her shoulder.
“It’s fine,” the Doctor said, like a liar.
“Why didn’t she stay with you?”
Some of the companions had shared their stories, the quick versions. Some left to get married. Some because they never intended to travel with the Doctor in the first place. Others because it got too dangerous. (And of course, there were the ones who couldn’t be there, because they had been lost, in one way or another). Yaz hadn’t said anything, but she was alive, and looked well, and seemed to miss the adventure as much as, if not more, than the rest of them. Donna had wondered why she was there and not traveling the stars.
“I was regenerating,” the Doctor said, “There had been— well. It was a whole thing. I, the Flux, still need to tell you about that. And then there was some other stuff. And the Master came back. And there was a big laser and— point is. I was regenerating, and I wouldn’t have been the same after. So she left.”
“What? Just because you would have a different face?”
“No I think it were because,” the Doctor avoided looking at her, “Well I didn’t tell them much. About me, or anything. I think she got tired of me keeping secrets. And I kind of— messed up in a few ways with her. There were– well. The Flux like I said. And I got arrested, left her on her own for a few months. Then we got separated for a bit. An I said some stuff I shouldn’t have. Plus I was a woman then.”
They were bright red and rambling at that point, and Donna decided to put a pin in most of that. “And I take it Yaz was—”
“I never asked for sure,” the Doctor said, “She could’ve been into men as well. But I knew I was changing, and she fell in love with that version of me, so I think the idea of staying around and it being a different person… ” he shrugged, hands going back to the toaster oven and fidgeting with the wires, “Regeneration gets complicated for Timelords, let alone humans. And like I said, I didn’t handle it well.”
Donna studied them for a moment. They stared intently at the wires in their hands without seeing them. She remembered how he was after he lost Rose. She also remembered how he was when the Tardis was full, piloted by six people. When they were surrounded by their family. She remembered the joy on their face when they saw Mel again. The way they hugged Kate tight when they saw her.
The Doctor was a genius. The Doctor was also, fundamentally, a moron.
“I think you should come.”
“Come where?” the Doctor said. Somehow in the two minutes she looked away they had gotten the wires tangled around their fingers.
“To the support group.”
“No.” They sat straight up and said it with such fierceness that Donna was taken aback.
“Why not?”
“Because I don't stay Donna,” he said, like it was obvious, “People come with me, and they travel for a time, and then they leave, or they die, or I leave. It never lasts and I never stay.”
“But you did this time!”
“But I don't!” they said, up from the couch and pacing the room before she could blink. Their hands waved frantically in the air. “I’m not- It’s not who I am. It doesn’t happen. I've tried before, to stay still and slow down and live life and it never worked. Something always happens. It’s invading cubes or spaceships in attics or puddle aliens but something always goes wrong! I tried and still every time, every time , it ends in me losing someone I love. I don’t–” His voice caught, “I don’t stay.”
“Well maybe you should you moron!” Donna said, “All that time you spend alone in the Tardis, and here’s all these people on Earth just wishing they could see you again!”
The Doctor shook his head, “They don’t want to see me.”
“Yes they do!” Donna said, stepping up to him, “Take it from someone who had their memory erased for the past two decades. You come along, take us on these grand adventures, then you just drop us and leave like we’re a cat you never wanted!”
The Doctor threw his arms out, “I don’t do it on purpose.”
“They why does it keep happening?” Donna hissed. “Because right now you’ve got a room full of people convinced that you don’t really care about them.”
“Wha- Of course I care!”
“Then why don’t you act like it?”
“Because it has to end Donna!” the Doctor turned away and pulled his hands across their face. “I’m a timelord. I don’t die. You do.”
“So you just dump us ‘cause we’ve got one foot left in the grave anyway?”
“Maybe I’m tired of people dying because of me. Did you ever think of that?” the Doctor said, moving towards her, eyes dark, “Do you know what it’s like? Watching everyone around you die one by one and knowing that it’ll never come for you?”
Donna froze, “Doctor–”
“I–” the Doctor took a breath and a step back. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have yelled.”
“S’alright,” Donna said, letting her hands fall to her side, “I started it.”
“Well, you do.”
“Oh shove it.”
The smile only started on the Doctor’s face for a second. Then he shook his head. “It only ever ends one way, traveling with me. It’s better for everyone that it ends before that happens.”
“But you’re here now,” Donna said, moving closer to them and putting a hand on their arm, “And no one’s dying. So what’s stopping you? What’s wrong? Really.”
The Doctor clenched their jaw and stared resolutely at the ground, “I told Yaz I couldn’t be with her because I couldn’t stay.”
Donna took a breath, “Come here.”
She pulled the Doctor into a hug, listening to the twin beating of their hearts. After a moment the Doctor returned it, wrapping his twiggy arms around her.
It wasn’t hard to see that the Doctor loved easily. (Sometimes too easily). He loved every person, every alien, every plant, every strange creature they met. They loved the universe. She supposed it might be the two hearts. They had more love to give.
But that also meant they had more to lose.
“You listen to me,” Donna said, “I know you’re afraid, but running away from it all won’t help anything.”
“It’s worked so far,” the Doctor mumbled.
“Well I won’t have it,” Donna said, “All those people I met today? They love you. And they deserve a chance to see you again. And you?”
The Doctor looked at her, and Donna felt herself smiling.
“You deserve the chance to see them again too.”
“But what if–”
Footsteps on the stairs told her that Rose was returning, first aid kit and broom in hand, “Here mum.”
“Thanks dear.” She let the Doctor go, leaving his hand to Rose’s patterned band-aids while she cleaned up the glass. The Oncoming Storm sat like a statue as his niece wrapped plasters with cartoon dogs around his fingers.
“So who is Yaz?” Rose asked, looking between her and the Doctor. (As if she hadn’t been able to hear the entire argument).
“His ex,” Donna said, glancing at the Doctor’s face, “Bad breakup.”
“Seriously?” the Doctor protested.
“Well that’s what happened wasn’t it?” She raised an eyebrow, daring the Doctor to challenge her.
They looked at the ground, “Technically it can’t be a breakup if we never dated,” he muttered.
“The principle is the same.”
“A breakup?” Rose raised an eyebrow, “Should I make tea?”
“Excellent idea,” she said, kissing the top of her daughter’s head. “Best breakup remedy.”
“Is it?” the Doctor said mournfully.
“Yep!” Donna said, “Come on help me clear the table.”
The Doctor, for all their bravery, tended to avoid relational conflict like the plague. Well no, that wasn’t quite right. They would find the plague fascinating and attempt to collect samples to study. They avoided talking about their feelings like… well like nothing. She was fairly certain they’d rather get blown up.
But still, she thought, as she watched the Doctor set the table, the tip of their tongue poking out as they balanced three cups in one hand, they had gotten better. They had stayed this time. They talked with Mel. Even agreed to meet Kate for lunch every so often. (Away from Unit and any alien threats. Donna had made that stipulation clear).
“Rehab out of order” his new self had said. The Doctor was full of love for the universe. It was time for them to realize that the universe loved them back.
Course, before then she had to figure out how badly he had fucked things up with Yaz. There was a time to talk and reconcile, and there was a time to flee the country. Hopefully this was the former.
“So did you ever tell her how you felt?” she asked after half the tea was gone.
“Not exactly,” the Doctor said, looking down at the table, “Though there was one day… don’t know if you could call it a date really.”
Rose got the same look that she did when watching a soap opera, “What happened?”
“We went to the beach,” they said with a soft smile, “Fought some Sea Devils. And I- well I.”
“Flirted with her?” Donna suggested.
“No!” the Doctor said, askance, “I’m a Timelord Donna. I don’t flirt.”
Donna snorted, “Right so marrying the virgin queen, that was just platonic was it? No flirting there?”
“That was– you weren’t even there for that!”
“Kate told me.”
“Kate’s not invited to dinner anymore.”
“Oh yes she is.”
“Fine,” The Doctor said, “But I didn’t… flirt.”
“Right.”
“I just-” they sighed, “Well maybe I flirted a bit. And she was- well I wasn’t too good with social cues in that regeneration.”
“Only in that one?”
The Doctor glared at her.
“Sorry, go on.”
“But I could tell,” the Doctor said, “That she, ya know, liked me. And I wanted- Donna I really wanted to . I mean Yaz is amazing. One of the best people I’ve ever met. But you know what I’m like. My life means I can’t fix myself to people, or places. And I told her that.”
“And why not?” Donna asked, “Cause you say that all the time. But why can’t you fix yourself to people? Why can’t you stay?”
The Doctor took another sip of their tea and then sat the cup down, fingers drumming against the handle. “It’s- it’s better for everyone that I stay away.”
Donna sighed, switching tracks, “How long ago did she travel with you?”
“Yaz?” they thought about it, “How long have I been here?”
Brushing aside all the concerns that came with that question Donna answered him, “A month.”
“I last saw her a month and three days ago.”
This time it was Donna who dropped the mug. It didn’t break, just hit the carpet with a dull thud. “You what ?”
“I dropped her off, then regenerated, and then I crashed into you. So about a month and three days ago.”
“So you mean… When I saw you it had only been three days since all…” she waved her hand in the air, referencing the general chaos the Doctor had alluded to.
“Yep,” he said, popping the p.
“That’s…” That explained a lot. It explained why since he had come back the Doctor looked like they had been running on fumes. Like one string breaking would send him falling to the ground. But that also meant… Donna glared at him, “You mean you agreed to stay with me not three days after you told her no ?”
The Doctor winced at her tone, “Maybe?”
Donna resisted the urge to smack him. This was— well it wasn’t worse than Martha but it wasn’t good. “God you’re an idiot.”
“Yeah, I am.” They actually did look sorry. Donna felt the anger flowing out of her. She could never stay mad at him for too long. It was those damn eyes. He always managed to look so pitiful.
She sat down beside him, pouring herself another cup of tea and wishing it were something mildly stronger.
Rose was watching them with wide eyes, “And I thought my school drama was bad.”
Donna sighed, “It never stops unfortunately.”
“Do you understand why I don’t want to go now?” the Doctor
“Yes,” Donna said, sitting beside them and putting a hand on his back, “But I still think you should talk to her eventually.”
“Probably,” the Doctor shrugged with an expression that said there was no way in hell that was happening.
“What’s going on in- oh.” Shaun paused, taking in the scene before him. The first aid kit was still on the table and tissues were scattered across the couch. “Everything alright?”
“Just a bit of girl talk,” Rose said with a smile, “What’s for dinner?”
Donna snapped her head to the forgotten vegetables, “Oh shit.”
They managed to get dinner ready quickly enough to avoid Sylvia’s annoyance, and the Doctor’s love life took a bit of a back seat after that. They were distracted by Shaun’s stories from work (one crazy woman trying to bring a snake into the cab) and Rose’s troubles with her chemistry project (the Doctor was banned from helping after last week’s incident).
Then came the weekly movie night, where no one could agree on what to watch and she had to smother the Doctor with a pillow to keep him from spoiling everything halfway through.
All in all Donna didn’t have a chance to talk to him until that night.
The Doctor had taken up residence in their guest room until they were ready to move into their new house. They had tried to stay on the Tardis but Donna had put her foot down. She didn’t trust them to actually go to sleep there, and half of her was worried she’d wake up and they would be gone.
So the Doctor had been relegated to the guest room with one of Shaun’s old blankets, far too many pillows, in a bed with a floral pattern that matched the curtains Sylvia had picked out. Rose had donated her old night light and the Doctor had messed with it until it projected a scientifically accurate Milky Way across the ceiling.
“Alright?” Donna asked as he tugged his blankets into position. Even after a month she had to fight back a laugh at him curled up in the bed, all domestic, and her Donna Noble, tucking an alien into bed goodnight.
“Course I am,” the Doctor said with a smile, “You know me.”
“Yeah I do and that’s why I’m asking,” Donna said, sitting down on the bed next to him, “I know I brought up a lot.”
“M fine,” the Doctor said, “Really.”
“If you really don’t want to visit them I’m not gonna force you,” Donna said, “Just, think about it will you?”
“I will,” the Doctor said, “But they’ve moved on Donna. Best to leave well enough alone. They don’t need me mucking things up.”
“Right,” Donna said. They definitely hadn’t, but he was in no state to argue, “Here’s the thing though. Go or don’t that’s you’re choice, but I need to tell them you’re here.”
“What?” the Doctor almost lept out of bed, “No, Donna please.”
“Yes!” Donna said, “Look I’d quite like to keep going but I’m not doing that while pretending you’re not living in my house!”
“I’m moving soon,” the Doctor mumbled.
“Sorry, while you’re living two houses down then,” Donna said, “Kate already knows, and Mel comes over here for lunch every other week. You can’t expect this to stay a secret forever. It’s not fair to me or them.”
The Doctor leaned back against his pillow, looking like Rose did when Donna tried to get her to do homework, “I’ll think about it.”
Donna sat down on the edge of the bed, “Look would it be so bad, them knowing? Maybe they could visit.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” the Doctor said, “You tell them I’m here and next thing you know there’s an army at my door.”
“Heavens sake you make it sound as if they’re blood thirsty monsters. Half of them are older than me. If anything they’ll kill you with too many baked goods.” She rolled her eyes, “You can’t seriously expect me to believe Nyssa and Jo Grant would show up with pitchforks”
“Trust me you wouldn’t want to see them angry,” the Doctor said, “Sides I’ve- Well there’s a lot they could be angry at me for.”
“So apologize you numpty,” Donna said, hitting him lightly with a pillow.
“What and they’ll forgive me? Just like that?”
“Maybe! Only you wouldn’t know because you never talk to anyone-”
“Alright,” the Doctor huffed, “You’ve made your point.”
“So I can tell them?”
“Yeah,” the Doctor said, “tell them. Just- Maybe don’t tell them my address. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tegan walked right over and slapped me.”
“Oh remind me to talk to her next time, she seemed a riot.”
“Oh god,” the Doctor groaned and sank back onto the bed, “When’s the next meeting?”
“A week” Donna said, “They have them pretty often, switch the meeting place between here and Sheffield. They said they might slow down the meetings soon, but right now they’re all just happy they’ve found each other.”
“Right,” the Doctor said, “One more week to live. Got it.”
“Oh hush you.”
“You’re not the one who’s going to have to see people for the first time in thousands of years,” the Doctor muttered, “This is terrifying.”
“Welcome to being human,” Donna said simply, “We don’t have the luxury of teleporting away from our problems.”
“Very funny,” the Doctor said. They hesitated, “You’re sure they won’t hate me? Whole meeting? No rants? No one out for my blood?”
“Doctor…”
“Right, sorry, I get it. Going to sleep now.”
Donna rolled her eyes and flicked off the lights, “Goodnight Spaceman.”
“Goodnight.”
The Doctor burrowed deeper in their covers, and Donna stepped out into the hall. She paused with her hand on the door, unable to close it just yet, “Doctor?”
“Hm?”
“Do you still love her? Yaz?”
There was a shuffling sound, and the Doctor’s face turned away from the shaft of light cast by the doorway, “Don’t make me answer that Donna.”
She nodded, her question answered, “Night Spaceman. Love you.”
“Love you too.”