Chapter Text
Korra stared down at Katara as the two prepared for Korra’s final test. Korra desperately wanted to prove once and for all that she was ready. Every fiber of her being vibrated with anticipation. The icy arctic waters emphasized the juxtaposition between the two contenders. The water beneath Katara was tranquil, still, and controlled, whereas Korra continually moved up and down sinusoidally in response to her youthful exuberance.
Unalaq, Korra’s uncle, watched alongside many others with great intrigue to see all of Korra’s training put on display. Unalaq cried out across the water, giving the declaration that the battle shall begin. Korra showed no hesitation. In one motion, she conjured a tidal wave so massive that even Katara or Aang in their prime would’ve struggled to summon it. However, for as much strength and power was packed in the wave, Korra was bending from her muscles, not her core. Thus, the wave was still untamed, allowing for Katara to split it in two easily and let the overwhelming power Korra put into her opening attack carry it well wide of its target. The miniature tsunami obliterated all it collided with and dealt plenty of damage to the coastline.
Korra never would have expected victory to come with just one attack. Right behind the wave where Katara split it, Korra rode just behind on the tail, already loading up another salvo fueled by initiative and momentum. Katara had taught Korra everything she knew, but not everything Katara knew. Katara froze a small barrier in front of her to eat most of the impact and spun with the blow from Korra to mitigate much of the damage. As she spun, Katara pulled Korra’s follow-up blow with her and slung it right back at Korra.
Without missing a beat, Korra punched straight through the parry attempt. “Korra may very well be the most violent and bullish waterbender I have ever seen,” one of the White Lotus sentries commented. “It’s like watching a child throw a tantrum while trying to bend water and just somehow overpowering it. Nothing about her form makes sense, but she just has so much raw potential and power that it works regardless.”
Korra’s assault continued relentlessly. Blow after blow; all meant to beat down Katara’s defense and stamina with a torrential storm of attacks that gave her no time to spring any attacks of her own beyond the odd counterattack here and there. Each attack sent shockwaves rippling for miles, shifting even the tide with their force.
Katara stood steady and poised. She met every attack with a perfect defense. An unstoppable force in Korra hit an immovable object in Katara hundreds, if not thousands, of times, yet she simply couldn’t break through. Korra’s frustration boiled as she unleashed everything she had learned and trained upon Katara and then some as she dug into her power to depths she had never before pushed herself to. Her attacks were already barely contained and crude, but the addition of anger made them all the more ill-calculated, if not uncontrolled.
“ Why isn’t this working? Surely the old hag has to crack eventually .” Korra thought to herself. Even in the ice-cold arctic air, Korra was overheating with exertion. Her reliance on muscle and not her center was burning out her energy exponentially faster than it otherwise would. Nonetheless, she ignored any warning signs given to her by her body or even what was unfolding before her very eyes and continued pushing harder and harder. Korra’s mind blocked everything else out. Only one question mattered: Had Katara’s guard broken? If not, then the next attack followed. No thought. No hesitation. “ How is it that I’ve done all this training and gotten so strong, but I still can’t even get one good hit on Katara!?”
It was only when Korra perceived Katara as having faltered that her eyes lit up. For a split second, she paused to make sure her final attack would bring the fight to its conclusion. Her overcommitment to attacking exposed a fatal flaw. That extra moment to charge an attack left Korra with her guard down. A lone synapse fired, spotting the smirk on Katara’s old, weathered face. Realization dawned on Korra, but it was already too late. Katara’s attack wasn’t particularly strong, but it had everything Korra’s attacks didn’t: precision, calculation, and timing. The jet of water moved faster than Korra could bail out to defend herself. It flowed in harmony with the surrounding waves, gathering the natural current and tide before casting a sharp blow into Korra’s solar plexus, not fueled by Katara’s power, but relying on the strength inherent in the sea itself.
Korra crumpled and fell into the icy water. The cold bit into her like a punishment, washing away the confidence she carried into the fight. She didn’t just lose; she failed. After months of begging for this test, of insisting she was ready. She fell, like a wave crashing against the shore.
Katara took a deep breath and left Korra to wallow in her pity and process things herself for the time being. Upon reuniting with her contemporaries in the White Lotus, Katara couldn’t help but remark, “Never have I seen a bender confuse chaos for strength so thoroughly. It’s impressive in a way; she has all the power of a raging storm, but her control and emotions are just as turbulent.”
A soaked and shivering Korra arrived shortly after. Her once gleeful and ecstatic expression softened. Her otherwise cheerful voice dropped to a somber, muted timbre. “Well? Is that enough of a show to prove I’m ready?” Korra asked. A lone glimmer of hope still hung on the possibility that her displays of power showed enough promise to earn a pass. It was evident by the way the masters murmured among each other that the concept did linger, even if unlikely.
Regardless of the murmuring, Katara’s voice cut right through both the dialog and Korra’s heart. “Absolutely not. Power isn’t measured in your ability to destroy, such as the havoc you wrought upon the coast. Not in waterbending, and certainly not in life. You are the Avatar, and being able to overpower opposition is an asset, but there are problems you can’t punch, Korra.”
The words crushed Korra; they landed so heavily they pulled her shoulders down, her gaze falling with them as if she was looking at where the remains of her heart now lay. “If you truly desire to prove your readiness, go with your uncle Unalaq and meditate. You have proven you can bend water to your will, but can you guide it and become its master?” With that, Katara turned and walked away, her footprints silent against the snow.
The remaining White Lotus sentries trusted Katara’s opinion on the matter more than their own. Some still wanted to add additional criticism, but the young Avatar was already beaten. Maybe not physically, but Korra’s ego took a catastrophic hit when Katara landed that fateful blow. They silently ushered Korra back to her home, where her father sat and waited with a conflicted expression on his face.
“How did it go?” He asked softly. “Look at me and tell me how you think it went.” Korra raised her arms and gestured to her soaking wet body and dejected demeanor. She didn’t mean to snap, but the events that had transpired left a sour taste in her mouth. “I see. In any case, you should go and dry yourself off. The last thing I need is for you to get a cold.”
Korra grumbled to herself but went back to her room nonetheless. After discarding her drenched clothes, Korra took a moment to stare at herself in the mirror. The silence only served to amplify the noise in Korra’s head. When she looked at her reflection, all she could perceive was her self-doubts manifested. She had built up plenty of muscle, but her strength was frail. Her unwavering confidence was a key component in what got Korra to her greatest heights, yet its excess also brought her to her most harrowing lows and greatest failures, such as the test against Katara.
Somehow, even with Korra’s wet clothes discarded, she could still feel that chill clinging to her skin and slowly seeping into her bones independent of Korra’s submersion in the waters. Rather, her fears pressed into her skin like nails, driven deeper by the weight of expectation.
Korra’s gaze sharpened, picking out every little detail it could. The minute but still noticeable scars on her body that previously signified battles survived and won now reflected that voice in the back of her mind. Healed but never forgotten. The phobia Korra kept bottled up and buried: her deathly fear of not being enough. Even when encouraged by those around her, the voice never quieted. It always kept one foot in the door and remained ready to strike at any moment.
Only after pushing past the thoughts did she realize how tense her body had become, far more than during the fight itself. Korra scoffed, “Am I really so antithetical to my own heritage and role that I distrust peace more than I do pain and fighting? Maybe I’m not cut out for this after all.” Korra got re-dressed slowly. She was in no rush to return to the world. Not for now, at least.
The smell of fresh food being prepared drew Korra out of her room sooner than she would have otherwise left on her own volition. The familiar sight of Korra’s mother, Senna, standing in the kitchen returned a little bit of a spark to Korra, at least.
“Korra, can you help me real quick? I need someone to get the noodles ready while I finish preparing the squid.” “Are you sure? The last time you left me in charge of any portion of the cooking, it didn’t end very well.” “I am aware, but your father is busy talking to your uncle right now. That and it’s pretty hard to screw up noodles to the extent you mangled those poor fish trying to fillet them.”
Korra rolled her sleeves up and began portioning out the noodles as requested by Senna. Neither spoke, but they didn’t need to. Korra assumed that Tonraq had already informed Senna about the earlier events, especially with Unalaq’s presence, given that he was there to witness Korra’s failure first-hand. The silence was shattered when Senna finally spoke up in an attempt to take Korra’s mind off the struggle that was lingering on her mind.
“You know, I once boiled fish so badly it exploded in the pot when I was around your age. Your grandmother still teases me about it.” Korra froze at first. Her brain took a moment to snap back to reality and abandon her previous train of negative thoughts to process what Senna had said. “You what ? How did you pull that off?” Korra couldn’t help but ask in shock. “I thought your grandmother was an idiot for doing a lot of seemingly unnecessary and remedial steps, so I skipped them. I then found out the hard way why those steps were needed to prevent the pressure from building inside the fish until it popped. I made sure to cross every t and dot every i from that point on.”
Korra snorted and coughed to cover up the laughter that tried to force its way out. “So the bar for my cooking is already low?” “Sweetie, it’s a tripping hazard in hell.” The lighthearted moment between mother and daughter left a small smile on Korra’s lips and a calmness that helped peel some of the stress off of Korra. The two worked in tandem until the squid slices and noodles were perfectly salted, sliced, and mixed into a seasoned broth. The tension dissolved. For one quiet meal, Korra didn’t have to be the Avatar. Just Korra.
The two brought the freshly prepared food into the dining room, where Tonraq and Unalaq had just returned from their conversation during a walk. Korra glanced between the two of them and took her traditional seat between her mother and father, across from Unalaq. The dinner started silently, which was probably for the better.
The first sip of fresh broth was like a taste of heaven. The warmth, accompanied by a rich, comforting taste, spread like a wave throughout Korra’s body and effortlessly evicted everything that had plagued Korra. The realization dawned on Korra of just how long it had been since Korra lasted tasted something so comforting that wasn’t coated in expectation. The other three all noticed the shift in Korra’s body language, but no one commented on it. Not until Korra herself did, that is.
“I thought I was ready. I truly did. All of those long hours and sneaking out in the night to train further by myself- just pretend you didn’t hear that second part- and yet it wasn’t enough. I dumped everything I had into that fight. I was so focused and concentrated, but it changed nothing about the outcome.”
“You gave everything you knew how to give. Not everything you actually have. You have accumulated great strength. You have proven as such. Now you just need to learn how to direct it.” Senna said softly.
“I have to agree with your mother. Korra, the last time you took that test, Katara kicked your ass up and down all seven seas. Even if you didn’t get it this time, even if you still lost, you are still very different from what you used to be. You’ve progressed from essentially nothing to at least having the right pieces in your hands. Now, you just need to get the pieces to fall into the right places. Rather than throwing them at a wall furiously until something sticks.” Tonraq commented.
Korra looked down and swirled her noodles for a moment as the words sank in. “I wish I could be so confident in my alleged improvement. Katara made it look so easy. It was like we were bending two different elements.” “Because she wasn’t trying to overpower you. She was trying to teach you,” Senna interjected. “I know that. That’s what makes it so, so, so much worse. She didn’t even have to say anything to me after the fact. I could feel the disappointment the moment I fell into the water.”
“She’s not disappointed in you, Korra. She’s disappointed for you. There is a difference,” Unalaq added with his sage tone. The words landed and brought the silence back with them. It stood for a few minutes of the quartet continuing their meal until Korra pieced together what she wanted to say again.
“I was angry,” Korra confessed suddenly. “So angry I couldn’t see anything else. It was like I became the ocean during a storm. I didn’t care where the waves landed, just that they hit something.” Senna tilted her head, watching her daughter carefully. “And when the storm passed?” “…I was just cold.” “There’s strength in the storm, Korra, but so too is there wisdom in the stillness after.” With Unalaq’s final piece of sagacious symbolism, Korra fell quiet for good.
Korra rested in bed for the rest of the evening after the meal, but she couldn’t sleep. The conversation over dinner had reignited Korra to an extent. She wanted to improve and finally be able to call herself a master. Now that she’d had some time to work over the initial emotional blow, the pain had been turned into fuel, and it left Korra itching to do something .
That itch could only be scratched one way: training. As she’d done many times before against the wishes of her parents, Korra left her bed in the middle of the night and exited her room through her window. She was halfway to her usual late-night training area when she was stopped by none other than Unalaq. “I was wondering how long it would take you. You just can’t resist pushing yourself after falling short, can you?”
Korra completely blew past Unalaq’s statement and asked, “How did you know where I was going?” “You let it slip over dinner that you sneak out to train, and you are nothing if not persistent. If there was ever someone boneheaded enough to try and go train even after being put through the wringer and being drained physically and emotionally, it’d be you. That’s why I wanted to intervene constructively. Would you like to come meditate with me?”
Uncertain but curious, Korra accepted. The two found themselves in the silent heart of an ice cave sooner rather than later. The air was still but frigid. The walls were wavy and warped from the natural progression of uneven freezing. Unalaq and Korra sat cross-legged across from each other. Unalaq drifted into a deeply mental state as though it were second nature. Korra, on the other hand, not so much. Her body was still, but her mind ran. Her breathing was controlled, but her thoughts were unrestrained. They’d only just begun, but Korra wanted the end to come already.
“Stop running and hiding from it, Korra. The more you do, the worse it gets.” “I’m not running. I’m still.” “That’s not stillness. You’re just moving closer to the end and further away from what you need.” Each word made Korra hate this more. Restlessness tempted her more and more. The desire to move, to just punch something and let it all out that way.
“ Maybe this is why I struggle so much. I feel those thoughts creep in, I punch something, and they go away, but they always come back. Always. ” Korra thought to herself. “What if I don’t come back after letting the thoughts in?” Korra asked. “Then come back different. This current you is unsatisfactory even to yourself. If you lose your current self, then so be it. That’s the point.”
Korra’s fingers curled into fists out of muscle memory. Her mind refused to settle. Fragments tumbled through her thoughts. Blades of memory, sharp and sudden, stabbed into Korra’s mind. Katara’s gaze, cool with disappointment. The dull ache of a bruised rib from the sparring. The icy hush of the training ground after she’d lost control again. It made her lock up and tighten. The fear. The doubt. The memory of failure. Her body flinched as if from cold, and for the first time, she felt a tear slip down her cheek, unbidden and unwelcome.
Korra’s shoulders loosened, ever so slightly. Her breathing deepened. The world didn’t fall silent; it had been silent. She began to hear it now. “I see something,” she murmured, eyes still closed. “Good,” Unalaq said. “Do you feel it?” There was a long pause. “It’s… quiet,” she said, her voice thinner now. Honest. “No,” he corrected gently. “That’s you.” Another breath passed. A deeper one this time. And Korra didn’t try to fight it. Not yet at peace. But no longer at war.