Chapter Text
The skies were bright and clear the second time that Ran’s world came down crumbling around him.
He hardly remembered the first time his world ended. There was pain, there was screaming, and there were tears. A whole lot of them.
But this time? Oh, this time he was very much conscious, very much aware of everything that was happening to him. He could feel his collar digging into his skin, sweat running down his back and his breath lodged somewhere in his throat. He smelt hints of vanilla and saffron in the air, no doubt wafting from some dessert the cooks were making in the kitchen.
A feast. A celebration. To commemorate this momentous occasion.
Ran had been let out of his room, if one could even call it that considering its matchbox-like size, on two conditions. One, he was not allowed to speak. No matter what happened, he had to keep his mouth shut. Two, he had to look presentable.
The second condition was much harder to fulfill than the first.
Ran’s family did not like spending money on him. All his meagre belongings had been his siblings’ at some point. The mattress on his floor was stained with something that his sister could not get rid off. The ratty old blanket that barely protected him against the cold had belonged to his second brother when he was eight.
At least the baby blue shirt he donned was not oversized like the rest of his closet. He tucked it into his oldest’s brother’s oldest slacks, the hem of which he had to fold multiple times. He did not want to step on the pants and end up kissing the floor. That would be downright humiliating and would guarantee him a week-long vacation in his very own personal hell.
Ran walked through the cold hallways, the familiar walls and plush carpets offering no comfort. He had never experienced warmth here, much less soothing memories. There was nothing here for him. He was but a phantom floating around aimlessly, no purpose to his existence.
He paused in front of the living room doors, taking in a deep breath. He wiped his palms on his slacks and ran his fingers through his hair once again. He could not afford to look unruly. His mother would certainly have him whipped for the crime of having a single hair out of place.
He pushed the doors open, and several heads turned to look at him.
“Ah! Here he is, our youngest”, his father gestured to him, hand outstretched.
Ran kept his eyes on the floor. He did not dare to lift his head. Making eye contact was something his family did not appreciate. He had learned that the hard way.
Do not look at anyone.
Do not speak to anyone.
Speak only when you are spoken to.
“Introduce yourself, darling”, came the sickly sweet voice of his mother. To others, her tone would have sounded affectionate, a mother full of love for her youngest son. Only Ran knew the poison that was laced in her voice. Only he knew what that ‘darling’ truly meant.
Screw this up, and you will never see daylight again.
Well, it’s not like Ran got to see much daylight now, but he would like to go to sleep without his body aching from a beating.
So, he bowed deeply, hands at his stomach and straightened, “I’m Ran Takahashi, the youngest son of the Takahashi clan.”
“Hello Ran!”, greeted a female voice, “You look even better in person!” Ran did not meet the speaker’s eyes. He only offered a polite nod and lifted his lips in what he hoped was a shy smile.
“Our baby brother is a little shy”, his sister said from somewhere to his right. And Ran stifled a gag at the pet name.
Baby brother? It had been quite a while since he had been the baby of the house. Hell, it had been quite a while since he had been treated like a part of this godforsaken family.
Ran knew he deserved it. After all that he had done, he knew that he deserved to be treated like the dirt on their shoes.
But it still stung.
Baby brother.
The nickname brought up memories that Ran tried so hard to forget. He may have been cherished when he had been the baby of the family, but that did not mean that things were easy back then. Or that he was even happy back then.
He just shuffled his feet, his shoulders unconsciously folding into himself, trying to make himself as small as possible.
Maybe if they did not see him, they wouldn’t do whatever they were going to do to him.
“Oh, what a sweet boy!”, the same woman exclaimed. Ran wondered how much higher her voice could get in praise. Her tone pierced through his brain and brought a faint ringing to his ears.
“Don’t waste time on flattery, Tanaka-san”, came a gruff voice.
“But–”
“Take a seat, boy”, the words were directed at him by the same man who had chided this Tanaka-san.
An order.
This, Ran was used to. Being spoken to as if the speaker did not have time to deal with trash like him.
Ran hesitantly lifted his gaze to meet his father’s. The man was seated on the couch, next to Ran’s mother, an ankle crossed over his knee. A poor attempt to feel in control of the situation. But the way his foot was shaking, gave him away.
He did not hold the power in this room.
The man who had just ordered Ran to sit did.
Nevertheless, Ran only moved once his father gave an almost imperceptible nod. He slid into a chair between his brothers and placed his hands on his knees. He stared at the floral designs on the carpet, acutely aware of the many eyes on him.
He could feel his ears redden.
Why was he here? He was sure that this was an important meeting. In the brief glance that he had taken, he noticed that his family was dressed in their best attire. It had been ages since he had been allowed into meetings where they discussed business with the other families in the underworld. He was no longer trusted with such matters.
So, what was he doing here?
Ran pushed down the fear that crept into his throat. Whatever he was called in here for, he was sure that it was nothing good. But, it’s not like he had a say in what was going to happen to him.
He was not a player in this game. Just a pawn to be sacrificed.
“So”, his father cleared his throat. “We have a deal?”
The silence was deafening.
Ran shifted uncomfortably in his chair. None of this seemed right to him. There was something clearly going on, something that he was at the centre of, but he could not grasp it just yet.
“I assure you”, his mother broke the silence, “that Ran is the perfect match for this.”
For what?
“Even if he wasn’t, our son would agree to no one else”, the strange man said, with a hint of annoyance. Ran wondered how much power said son held over their family for the patriarch to do something that he was so clearly against doing.
He wondered how much this son must be loved by his parents for them to be doing this for him.
Whatever this was.
The man stood up and straightened his suit. The rest of the room followed. Ran hurriedly stood up from his spot and fiddled with his cuffs. This man seemed to radiate power no matter where he went and Ran did not want to get on this man’s bad side.
He had enough enemies under this roof. He did not need someone else outside the house plotting his demise as well.
The man made his way to the doors, two ladies following him. One of them came to a stop in front of Ran and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry darling, you are going to like our Yuki just fine”.
Who was this Yuki?
And why did it matter if Ran liked him or not?
Ran hid his confusion and merely nodded his head in assent.
This woman must be Tanaka-san, her voice distinctly high-pitched, making her almost squeak. Then, Ran glanced at the other lady standing just behind the man, that must be the man’s wife. She gave him a stiff smile and nodded at Tanaka-san.
“You must stay for lunch”, Ran’s mother called out. “We have had the cooks prepare a feast for this occasion”.
“There’s no need for that”, the man cut in rudely. Ran’s father bristled at the blatant disrespect, but the man’s wife rushed to control the damage.
“Thankyou for your hospitality, Takashashi-san”, she bowed her head, “We are in a hurry today. But no worries”, she said placatingly, “we shall dine in leisure after the wedding.”
Ran’s mother offered a tight smile while his father tried to hide his glower.
Tanaka-san patted his shoulder and followed the couple out of the doors. Ran’s family followed them to bid them farewell, leaving Ran with dread pooling in his stomach.
Wedding?
WEDDING?
No.
Ran’s breath came out in short pants. His throat felt tight. Too tight. He loosened his collar, hoping to let some air into his lungs. He clutched his hair as voices floated around in his head.
Ran is the perfect match for this.
No.
You are going to like our Yuki just fine.
No.
We shall dine in leisure after the wedding.
NO.
Please. No.
------x------
Ran stood rooted to his spot, mind still reeling from the tail end of that conversation.
He knew that he had no place in the family anymore. His actions around three years ago guaranteed that.
But Ran had stayed out of trouble as much as he could since then. And he knew he had gotten better at staying invisible in the last six months. He had not uttered a word to anyone unless he was spoken to. He only ate if the kitchens were empty. Hell, he had not stepped out of his room even.
He had stayed out of everyone’s way.
Literally.
Ran could not understand what he had done to deserve this.
Was he so unlovable that his family wanted him trapped in a loveless marriage?
Were they so tired of his existence that they thought it would be best if they handed him off to someone else?
But he hardly did anything anymore. He barely ate. He did not speak. He just spent all day in bed, never quite sleeping, never doing anything.
He hardly existed, and yet his family could tolerate him no more.
A sob tore out of his chest and once the first tears fell, the rest followed quickly.
Ran had always been a quick crier. With his heart on his sleeve, it never took much to make him bawl his eyes out.
And then, a few years ago, his family had taken that away from him as well. They had snatched a boy from his innocence and locked all his tears away. Ran had barely recognized himself in those years, turned into something he was not, all boyish charm and curiosity buried deep beneath responsibilities. But, his parents had hugged him for the first time in his life. His siblings had laughed with him after years of treating him like a burden. And Ran continued to kill himself to feel even just a little bit of that conditional warmth he had never experienced in his childhood.
Sadly, good things, no matter how terrible, never last.
On that fateful day, when Ran’s world had come down crumbling the first time, he was thrust back into the same biting cold he was born into. An accident. That’s what he was. Never needed, never valued, never loved. Destined to be a burden to those around him.
A baggage that his family no longer wished to carry.
The thought only made Ran sob harder, chest constricting painfully.
Why did no one love him?
Why did everyone abandon him?
Ran did not want to leave his basement. The cramped, frigid basement that he called his. The only thing in this mansion that belonged entirely to him. It was a place where he had so many firsts. His first beating. His first time shooting a gun. His first time wielding a knife. His first time sparring.
It was the place where they had breathed their last.
It was the place where she had breathed her last.
It was only for them that he continued to live.
It was the promise he made to her that pumped the blood through his veins.
And now he was being forced to abandon them, abandon their memories.
He did not want this. He had not asked for this. He did not want to live a life that someone had designed for him.
What sort of a life did he want to live then?
Ran did not have an answer to that.
He had had a dream, as a kid. But that was from lifetimes ago. From a life before his demented family had ruined him. He could no longer pursue that dream. Not after everything that he had done.
Did he even deserve to dream?
Maybe, this was for the best. Maybe, he did not deserve to live a life of his choosing. He had not earned it.
Ran cried harder. He did not deserve to ask for a life that he desired but he could not stomach the thought of being forced into a marriage that he did not want.
His head hurt from thinking so much. He hated how confused he was. He hated how there was not a single coherent thought in his head.
He just wanted everything to stop.
He just wanted everything to end.
But he had made a promise and he was bound to live this pathetic life until his debt was repaid.
Live. Live for me. Live until you are truly happy. And then you can consider your debt cleared.
Ran hated this. Even in death he was not free to do what he wanted.
He felt warm hands on his cheeks. He opened his eyes.
When had he closed them?
And why was he on the floor?
Was that why there was a sharp pain in his knees?
A soft, loving pair of sea-green eyes looked back at him. His sobbing must have attracted the attention of the cooks. They always had a soft spot for him. The older of them now sat before him. Ukai-san had been the one to nurse him as a baby. She had cleaned his scraped knees and treated his bruises after being pushed around by his siblings. She had shushed him and gently rocked him to sleep whenever life got too much for his little heart.
And when his world had shattered, she had been there by his side when the broken shards tore out his soul.
And here she was again. Giving him the warmth he so desperately craved, but did not deserve. He collapsed into her arms and cried into her shoulder. He greedily drained her off her warmth and stole the love she freely gave.
He did know how he got there, but he was being tucked into his stained bed, the ratty blanket cocooning him from the rest of the world. His eyes had drifted shut on their own accord again. Had his body also stopped listening to him?
Ran sank into the arms of sleep, with a warm hand carding through his hair. He thought he heard a sweet melody sailing through the air. Maybe he was hearing things. He had no control over his body anyway.
Besides, there was no one who cared enough to sing for him.
------x------
The Ishikawa clan.
That’s the family he was marrying into.
Ran considered himself in the mirror. Clad in a soft cream suit, the tuxedo was tailored to fit him perfectly. It gave him the illusion of well-defined shoulders, and a strong chest, all nothing but a lie. He had no flesh on his bones, much less muscles. But the sight reminded him of days of working tirelessly in the gym, building strength and stamina, muscles coiled tight to serve him well in fights.
All that was left now was a husk. A poor imitation of what had once been full of life.
Ran straightened the lapels of his blazer, trying not to think about how this might be the last time he saw himself in the mirror.
Marrying an Ishikawa? It was practically a death sentence.
Despite being a social outcast, Ran knew that the Ishikawas were one of the five major gangs that ran the underworld in Japan. Most of the minor groups or newly emerging leaders went out of their way to stay in their good books. The clan was also one of the oldest in the country, apart from the Takahashis themselves. Known for being ruthless in their dealings and consistent in abiding to their hierarchies, the Ishikawas never really let anyone outside the family interfere with their business. They either married within the family or picked ordinary law-abiding spouses so that the decision-making power always stayed within the family.
Which was why, the news of an Ishikawa marrying a Takahashi spread like wildfire in the underworld.
Were the Ishikawas finally stepping down from their self-proclaimed pedestal?
How exactly did the Takahashis convince the uptight Ishikawas to agree to this union?
Was there something else that the two powerhouses were trying to bury under the guise of a marriage?
While it had always been the Ishikawas and the Takahashis lording over the underworld for over a hundred years, in the last couple of decades, three other gangs emerged as significant shareholders in the economy.
The Kotaros, the Akashis and the Lion’s Pride.
Every other smaller gang was in alliance with one of the big four families. Whether it be financial aid, manpower or protection, no minor group could survive in the cutthroat world of the mafia circle without being associated with one of the ruling families.
The Lion’s Pride was the only exception. No one knew anything about the gang. They did not know who ran it. They did not know the extent of its manpower. They did not know how far the gang’s influence was spread. All they knew was that the Pride was headed by a man they called “The Lion”. Apparently, the man had a penchant for kidnapping young boys and girls for his personal entertainment. These young people who had fallen into the Lion’s trap were never seen or heard again.
Just the thought of it sent a shiver down Ran’s spine.
But he felt as though he would much rather face the Pride unarmed than deal with the bloodbath he was about to walk into.
The Ishikawas and the Takahashis had a century-long family feud. And Ran was about to walk right into enemy territory, without any sort of protection. The atmosphere at his house when the Ishikawas had visited had been unbearable to him, even if he did not know in whose presence he had been sitting.
Now that he was aware of their identities, Ran had no desire to see them again. He just wanted to run away. The other gangs would be of no help whatsoever. Firstly, he did not know any of them. Secondly, everyone was highly suspicious of the marriage. The underworld was entirely dependent on the rivalries between the gangs. It seemed as though two major gangs were now joining forces and the others were rightfully afraid of what it could mean for them and their positions in the economy. They could not afford for any sort of deals to be struck between such powerful families. It would uproot everything that the world of organized crime in Japan had been built on.
Ran kept glancing at the window. He was on the first floor, the drop would not be too high. If he left now, he could make it to the nearest bus station before he was discovered missing. And then what?
He was sure he would not survive on the run with two of the most powerful gangs chasing after him. He did not even want to think about the other gangs that would jump at the opportunity of kidnapping him and demanding things from the two crime syndicates.
If he ran now, all hell would break loose, and he would be caught right in the middle of it.
But he would be free.
His heart thudded loudly in his chest and he was afraid that the guards outside his door could hear it. He walked to the window and fiddled with the handle. He gave it a firm push.
Locked.
He frantically tried to get the damn thing to open. But it just wouldn’t budge.
He was locked in here, with no way to escape.
This wasn’t the first time Ran had been locked in a room. Hell, he had been forced to live in conditions much worse than this.
But this was the first time he felt like a lamb being sent for slaughter.
He heard raised voices outside his door and quickly made his way back to the chair in front of the mirror. He sat and tried to school his face into an emotionless mask.
The door opened and in walked Ukai-san with a tray of chocolate chip cookies.
Ran’s favourite.
“Stupid goons”, she muttered, shutting the door behind her. “Treating you like a prisoner, on your WEDDING day!”, she stressed.
And Ran felt an affectionate smile bloom onto his face. He was glad that Ukai-san was here. In her motherly grumblings and the way she fussed over his suit, he found some space to breathe. He took note of her greying hairs and wondered if this would be the last time he saw her. The only soul in his house who had treated him like a person.
Ever observant, she saw how his eyes shone with unshed tears, “Don’t look at me like that, boy!”, she said, smacking his chest. “This is not the end.”
And Ran wanted to believe her. He really did. But knowing what he was going to walk into, it was difficult to let any hope grow.
“Why does it feel like it is?”
She cupped his face and rubbed soothing circles into his cheek, “Because you’re scared”, and before Ran could interrupt her, she added, “And it’s okay to be scared.”
Ran scoffed. “Yeah, well, that’s not what this family has taught me.”
“Then they are wrong”, Ukai-san said firmly, straightening his tie.
“Just like they are about this marriage?”, Ran questioned and he saw how her eyes widened in fear as she glanced at the door. She shoved his shoulder slightly in reprimand.
“Careful”, she warned.
“There’s nothing they can do to hurt me anymore, Ukai-san”, he said. “They broke me and now they have sold my life away. I don’t have anything left to lose.”
The old cook looked at him with such sorrow in her eyes, Ran could feel his tears come back full force.
Ukai-san wrapped her arms around him and he stooped to rest his head on her shoulders. “Don’t waste your tears on me. I’m not worth it”, he said, embarrassed at how his voice cracked.
“That’s bullshit,” she said, peeling him away by his shoulders, drawing a surprised laugh out of Ran. He had never heard the old woman curse. She gave him a fond smile. “You are worth a thousand Takahashis that have ever lived.”
“And yet, I am not enough.”
Ukai-san rubbed his cheek soothingly. “Maybe you are finally going to a place that will appreciate you for everything that you are”, she said, hope shining through in her eyes.
Ran smiled sadly. Bless this poor woman’s heart. “I’m walking into a hell that is much more fiery than this, Ukai-san. There is no love for me left in this world.” He tried to move to the plate of cookies, to seek comfort in them one final time. But the cook tightened her grip on his harm and forced him to look at her.
“Now listen to me, young man”, she started, a severe look taking over her features. “You are getting another chance to live this life.” The confused look on Ran’s face spurred her on. “This is a chance, for you to escape the clutches of your family. You can finally build something for yourself. Something that you want, not catering to your family's whims and fancies.”
“I think it’s too late for that Ukai-san”, Ran confessed, looking at his shoes, feeling guilty for a reason he could not fathom yet.
“No”, Ukai-san shook him. “It’s not too late. It’s never too late.”
Ran did not have to energy to grace her with a response. He just gave her a small smile and turned to walk to the tray of cookies sitting on the floor.
“At least do it for her”, she said quietly, almost as if she was afraid of Ran’s reaction.
Ran stopped in his tracks. All of a sudden, he could not breathe properly. His skin was crawling, as if a million hands were rubbing over his body.
Help, Ran!
Ran shook his head hard. No. This wasn’t real.
Get out, Ran!
Not real. Not real. His vision blacked out and Ran reached blindly behind him to grab the chair for support.
Promise me, Ran.
PROMISE ME!
He heaved, forehead resting on the back of the chair. He hit his head against the chair multiple times to get the voice out of his head. Ukai-san was back by his side, rubbing circles into his spine. She was saying something, but Ran could not hear a single word. It felt as though he was underwater, everything felt echo-y, everything seemed blurry and shaky.
He tried to force a breath into his lungs. He could not afford to lose his composure. Not right now. Not when he was just a few minutes away from entering the battlefield unarmed.
He brought his attention to the sensations on his back. He fought with everything in him to stay in the present, to not be dragged by the ghosts that haunted him into the past.
Gradually, his breaths became deeper and his vision cleared. He squinted against the bright yellow lights as his hearing returned to him. He straightened slowly and turned to face Ukai-san who was looking very apologetic.
“I’m so very sorry, my dear boy”, she apologized, holding onto his hands. “I did not want to bring this up today of all days. But, you deserve to be happy, Takahashi-kun. You are allowed to live the life of your dreams. It’s what M–”
“Don’t”, Ran interrupted her, “Don’t say her name. Please.”, he begged.
Ukai-san opened her mouth to respond but a sharp knock halted her.
She hurriedly pulled out her handkerchief and wiped the tears that had trailed down Ran’s cheeks.
“I’m going to do everything that I can to help you”, she whispered. “It’s what she would have wanted.”
Ran did not have the time to ask her what she meant, for Ukai-san had just finished straightening his collar and smoothening out his blazer, when the door swung open.
It was time.
Ran’s father was here to walk him down the aisle.
------x------
Ran’s mind was surprisingly quiet as he walked arm in arm with his father. His face was carefully blank, painted to reveal nothing that his heart felt. While his head remained straight, he kept his eyes on the ground.
His heart was ready to beat right out of his chest. His palms were clammy, yet he felt as though he was freezing. He was not ready. Ran was not ready for this.
He glanced at the people sitting beside the aisle. He saw a few familiar faces, people part of his family’s gang. But, the majority of the people seated were new to him. A few of them eyed him suspiciously while others outright smirked at him.
Ran quickly shifted his gaze back to the floor.
If he ran now, he wouldn’t make it to the door before he was shot in the leg.
Besides, him running would cause a full blown war and Ran really could not have any more blood on his hands.
A sharp squeeze to his arm threw all thoughts of running out of his head.
Right. This was happening. And he could change nothing about it.
He was just going to have to suck it up and deal with it.
He had nothing to lose anyways.
He forced his lips into a smile and hoped that it did not look too pained.
As they walked closer and closer to the front of the hall, Ran could not help but let a flicker of nervousness show on his face. It had been involuntary, the way his breath shuddered as he tried to calm his erratic heart.
His father’s grip on his arm tightened so painfully that Ran shifted a little to get that hold to loosen.
He felt as though he was being dragged to the front of the hall, his feet moving reluctantly. Every step was getting harder and harder to take.
Ran wished that someone would just shoot him dead now.
They reached the small dais that was erected at the very front of the gathering.
His arm was finally released from that vice-like grip as a hand was extended to him.
Ran placed his own on the outstretched palm, not looking at the man he was going to marry.
He did not think he had the strength yet to look at the man in his eyes and not run away.
What if he was a wrinkled, old man?
Ran knew how stupid he was being. What the man looked like was the least of his concerns.
As he climbed the two stairs to the dais, he steeled himself.
Maybe he wasn’t going to survive this marriage. But, he would take it one night at a time.
If he was going to survive this night, he would have to do a lot better.
He took a deep breath as he turned to face the audience. He looked right into them, ignoring the faces that seemed to be screaming at him. He felt a hand come to rest at the dip of his back. He could feel the sheer power in the shoulder he was lightly pressed against.
The hand on his back pressed slightly to guide him into the next movement. Ran and his groom bowed to the gathering.
His groom.
As they straightened, Ran mustered up the strength to turn his head and look, even if everything in him was begging him to keep his head straight.
Chiseled jaw, a strong nose and sharp eyes staring out at the crowd.
This was the man he was going to marry.
He was not wrinkled and old.
Ran barely had the time to sigh in relief before the face he was staring at turned to look at him.
Facing the full brunt of that cold gaze, Ran was suddenly certain of something.
He was so fucked.