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English
Series:
Part 1 of Cartoon Crack
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Published:
2025-07-25
Words:
924
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1/1
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6
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Cartoon Creeps: To Catch a Smurf

Summary:

Tune in for an exclusive look into one of the biggest predator reveals of the year!

Work Text:

It starts off showing a a title card that said "Cartoon Creeps", which was in big grey words, set behind some prison bars, all while dramatic music played.

It then cuts to Hank Anchorman and Tom Tucker, who were both sitting at a news desk.

"Hello there folks! I'm Hank Anchorman!" Hank greeted the audience.

"And I'm Tom Tucker!" Tom greeted the audience.

"And tonight marks the very beginning of our new weekly segment: Cartoon Creeps!" Hank announced.

"That's right Hank! This segment will see us cover some of the most depraved, disgusting and degenerative minds of the cartoon world. From those who can't take no for an answer, to those who like them very young." Tom added.

"Tonight's episode takes us to perhaps the most unlikely of locations to see this kind of thing happen: Smurf Village." Hank said as an image of the aforementioned Smurf Village popped up.

"This may shock you all, but this peaceful and quaint tiny village happens to house a predator! And his name is Influencer Smurf!" Tom announced, as a photo of the aforementioned Smurf popped up, showing him doing a fruity dance.

"Influencer Smurf already didn't have the best reputation among the public. Often barging into people's personal spaces for the sake of a selfie." Hank explained as a slideshow started, showing Influencer Smurf taking selfies in areas he really shouldn't.

The first picture showed him taking a selfie in Squidward Tentacles' bathroom, while the aforementioned cephalopod was taking a bath, prompting him to scream.

The second showed Influencer Smurf in the nest of Marsupilami and his family, who all looked at him with annoyed glares.

And the third and final picture showed Influencer Smurf taking a selfie at the funeral of Big Bill Murphy, with the entire Murphy family and friends angrily glaring him.

Including Big Bill himself, who had rose from his own own coffin to look on with anger.

"But now that reputation has sunk even lower as it turns out that Influencer Smurf was not only a public nuisance, but also a groomer. " Tom stated.

"This information was brought to light by Smurf Village's very own Brainy Smurf, who revealed that in the village's chat logs, Influencer Smurf was chatting inappropriately with individuals who turned out to be middle schoolers." Hank announced as a photo of the aforementioned Brainy Smurf popped up.

"This is just one of the horrific messages he sent to the individuals." Tom said as he pulled out a piece of paper and looked down at it, "Hey baby girl. I'm over here stroking my Smurf now, and it's sooooooo HARD. Because I'm thinking about you baby." Tom read from the paper.

"And if that wasn't bad enough, he also sent this as well." Hank said as he pulled out a remote and pressed a button.

Soon enough, a image appeared on a screen. Although it was heavily pixelated, it was clearly something blue and purple.

"It's hard to make it out since we had to blur the whole thing for television guidelines. But what you're looking at is the.....Smurfling of Influencer Smurf, fully erect and covered in Smurfberry Jam." Hank explained.

"This behavior was brought to the attention of the village leader, Papa Smurf. And so, he and Brainy Smurf contacted the legendary predator hunter Chris Hansen and came up with a sting operation in order to put Influencer Smurf where he belongs." Tom explained as photos of Papa Smurf and Chris Hansen popped up respectively.

"Taking the role of decoy, Clumsy Smurf pretended to be a 13-year boy and chatted with Influencer Smurf. And after a few weeks of chatting, they both decided to officially meet in person at The Sugar Bowl in Elwood City." Hank explained as a photos of Clumsy Smurf and The Sugar Bowl popped up.

"And that's where they caught him red-handed!" Tom exclaimed as a photo appeared, showing Influencer being confronted by Papa, Brainy, Clumsy and Hansen, who all looked down at him with angry looks, while he looked shock.

"And when he tried to make a break for it, that's when the cavalry camp in!" Hank exclaimed as another photo popped up, showing Influencer outside The Sugar Bowl, surrounded by tons of police officers.

These included the likes of Bonkers, Savage Dragon, Judy Hopps, Nick Wilde, Lucky Piquel, Miranda Wright, Inspector Gadget, Chief Quimby, Officer Jenny, Eugene Tackleberry, Kirby and Muldoon, Joe Swanson, Chief Wiggum, Officer John and Officer Nancy, Elisa Maza, Matt Bluestone, Officer Dibble, The Donut Cop, The C.O.P.S., Earl Devereaux, Chase, George Stacy, Nina Valerosa, Ron the Rent-a-Cop, Officer Bentley, Axel Foley, Kankichi Ryotsu, Inspector Zenigata, Major Motoko Kusanagi, Toshiro Hijikata, Krillin and Smoker.

"But despite their great numbers, Influencer Smurf was able to escape thanks to his small size." Tom said as photo popped up, showing Influencer fleeing from all the cops, who were pursuing him in a single car, with the exception of Earl, who simply ran alongside them.

"It's been a week since the sting operation, and Influencer still hasn't been caught!" Hank said.

"But rest assured, the authorities are still tracking him down and will not stop until he's brought to justice!" Tom said.

"And now to wrap things up, we go to Ollie Williams to get his take on the whole situation." Hank announced.

"Ollie, what do you think should happen to Influencer Smurf once he's finally caught?" Tom asked.

"SEND HIM TO JAIL AND THEN SEND HIM TO THE CHAIR!" Ollie loudly answered. 

"Thank you Ollie." Tom responded.

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